#Don't pretend you weren't there. Don't pretend you would have done something different than you already did.

[barcaatthemoon]

game time || jill roord x reader ||

jill cockwarms you while she finished playing a game.

smut, 18+, minors dni.

"jill," you whined for what felt like the tenth time in half as many minutes. jill was absolutely engrossed in her game, just like she had been all day. she had let you sleep after picking you up from the airport, which was when she began playing this game. you had hoped that after you woke up, jill would have switched her attention to you, but that wasn't the case.

"i am so close to being done, just be patient," jill told you. she had been saying that for the past hour or so. you were on the verge of getting up and going to watch something in the bedroom by yourself, but you wanted so badly to be with jill.

"jill, please put the controller down for a little while. i miss you so much, and i just want to spend time with you," you told her. jill sighed as she paused her game momentarily. you were pouting at her when she looked at you in a way that told jill everything she needed to hear.

"i'll be back." jill stood from the couch and left you there by yourself. true to her word, jill came back a couple minutes later. immediately, your attention was taken by the fake cock jutting out from between jill's legs. the pale blue almost blended in with jill's manchester city sweatpants, but you never would have been able to miss the toy. "sit on it for me, and be still. every time that you move or disturb me, you'll have to stay for longer."

your face went pale as you thought about her terms. you had never been great at being still, but maybe with jill inside of you, it'd be different. gingerly, you stood up from the couch and undressed yourself. jill made you stand in front of her while her fingers teased your cunt to make sure that it was ready to take her strap.

"you're so tight baby, this is going to feel so good." jill pulled her hand back to taste your arousal. you bit your lip as her hand returned to your cunt, this time with one single digit inside of you. jill fucked you slowly, only adding another finger when she felt like the first slipped out without enough resistance.

"jill, kiss me, please," you begged. jill's tongue flicked out to lick her lips. the action only made you want her even more as memories of messy makeout sessions flooded your mind. you thought about the countless nights that the two of you had spent with jill's knee pressing against your core as she kissed you again and again.

"come here baby," jill ordered gently as she moved her hand away again. you let yourself be guided down onto her strap, now facing her as you sat in her lap. you sank down each inch of jill's cock slowly, only moving with her hands as she guided you. "now, i need you to keep still for me. tell me now if you don't think you can do that."

"how long until you finish your game?" you asked her.

"shouldn't be too long. this is the last mission, and if it isn't, i'll stop when i finish it," jill promised you. you nodded and sank the final little bit onto her cock. jill gave you a couple of quick kisses before she turned back to her game. your body rested against's jill's, and for the first few moments, it was easy enough to pretend that you were just cuddling.

jill stayed fairly still until she began to hit hitches in her game. she shifted around in her seat, each time jostling the dildo inside of you. you bit back your moans until you physically couldn't, even though you were afraid of distracting jill even further.

the fact that she wasn't paying to you only made you feel more turned on. jill seemed to completely disregard you sitting on top of her. you and jill were no stranger to little games like this, but it had never quite felt like this. you were a bit more turned on than normal, and it had definitely been a lot longer than what you were used to since jill had touched you last.

"jill," you let out a small whine. you were starting to feel really full in a way that you weren't used to. it was like she was right where you needed her to be, but still so far away. your body was screaming for you to move, but you knew that jill had no issues with making you sit here for hours without any sort of relief. "i don't know how much more i can take of this."

"you're doing so well. i'm almost finished," jill told you. it was subtle, but you could feel the rocking of her hips as she sat playing her game. jill had always been good at knowing exactly what you wanted when you didn't know how to ask for it.

jill's thumb rubbed against your thigh, a simple grounding method that she had used before when this sort of thing became too much for you. jill knew that you were trying hard for her, that none of this was exactly what you had wanted when you landed. jill felt a little bit of guilt tug at her, so she set her controller down on the coffee table.

"can i move you?" jill asked. you nodded, and almost instantly, jill flipped both of you so that you were pinned beneath her on the couch. "do you want me to go fast or slow?"

"slow," you answered. jill nodded and began to slowly thrust her hips in and out of you. she moved all of the way out of you and bottomed out inside of you with each thrust. jill cradled your face in her hands and pressed soft kisses to your lips in between the whisperings of sweet nothings.

"i love you so much," jill told you. you tried to say it back, but all of your words felt like they just slurred together. jill had barely been doing anything to you, and she already had you feeling cock drunk. you were needy and desperate, and jill knew that she move a bit faster to get you through this.

she was still as gentle as ever as she sped up her thrusts. jill leaned down, and you felt like you were in a bubble. all that you could focus on was jill as she pressed kisses to whatever bit of skin that she could get her mouth on. the slight distraction was welcome, and just what you needed to ground yourself long enough to really chase after your release.

"come here baby," you muttered as you pulled jill's head against your chest. she happily laid on the couch with you, neither of you making any attempts to move somewhere more comfortable even as your bodies began to ache. "i missed you."

"tomorrow is all for you. anything that you want, just the two of us," jill promised. you hummed happily at the thought of that. you weren't sure how long you'd be in manchester for before you got called in for pre-season practice and wanted to spend the most amount of time with jill before then that you could.

[pretzel-box]

Might I humbly request more streamer au Sebastian?? I don't have a specific prompt so honestly do whatever you'd like!

SEQUEL TO THE STREAMER AU

PART 1 HERE

Tags: Doubt, Comedy, Teasing, Slightly Fluff, Streamer AU

Words: 1,6k

You glanced at the message on your screen, your eyes narrowing in playful suspicion.

“Jellybeanie_?”

Even though it was just a jumble of words on the flat screen, you could almost hear the amusement behind the way Solace wrote your username. It was a name that carried a bit of a past, a digital footprint that had followed you through your early streaming days. Your father had given you the nickname "Jellybeanie" when you were young, and it stuck, especially during your awkward teenage years when you thought beanies were the pinnacle of cool fashion. There was a bit of irony there, considering the sheer volume of cringe it represented. You had done everything to erase that phase from existence, deleting your weird selfies, throwing the beanies out and pretending you’re too cool for silly headwear—except for the username. Somehow, it had become part of your identity, both endearing and a little bit embarrassing.

"Don't judge it, Shoelaced_Seb42," you shot back with a grin, your fingers flying over the keyboard as the heat of the moment pulled you in. You could only imagine what kind of story was behind his own name. Maybe it was a wordplay with “shoelace” and “Solace,” but “Seb42”? That was anyone’s guess. There had to be a story there, too—everyone had one.

His reply came almost instantly. “Careful, doll. I don't want to reveal my edgelord side in front of a cute bean like you.”

You felt a flutter in your chest, something warm and annoyingly familiar. Damn him for knowing exactly how to get under your skin—and damn you for liking

While you had no problem flirting with Solace during your nightly gaming streams, your real-life roommate was a different story entirely. It was a cruel twist of fate, really. Your fans always talked about how well you and Solace—a famous streamer with a massive following—got along. They called you "the perfect duo," and more than a few shipped you two. They didn't know the irony of the situation. Because in reality, when you weren't "Jellybeanie_", there was no Pressured_Solace, just Sebastian.

The Sebastian who would leave his empty coffee mugs all over the apartment. The Sebastian who would blast his music at ungodly hours, regardless of how many times you'd told him you needed quiet for your recordings. The Sebastian who seemed to have made it his life mission to be the most insufferable person you'd ever met.

You had moved into this apartment months ago, both of you, lured by the promise of a prime location and cheap rent—only to discover that you couldn't go five minutes without bickering over something mundane. The Wi-Fi. The thermostat. The last of the milk.

"Seriously, Sebastian," you muttered under your breath the next morning after your midnight chat with Solace, staring at the empty carton of milk your roommate left in the fridge. "Is it too much to ask for you to throw this out? Or better yet, buy more?"

Sebastian sauntered into the kitchen, tousled black hair sticking up at odd angles, a lazy grin on his face. "Morning to you too, sunshine," he said, ignoring your frustration completely. He tossed his phone onto the counter and grabbed a can of energy drink from the pantry. "Did you see my note?"

You rolled your eyes, exasperated. "Yeah, I saw it. It was crumpled up in the trash. Nice touch."

He just smirked, leaning back against the counter as he cracked open the can. "You know, I think you secretly love our little banter," he said, taking a sip and watching you with those infuriatingly bright eyes of his. He was definitely teasing you, his tone wasn't like Solace his…Sebastian was the ungodly opposite, annoying, mean and insufferable.

"Love is a strong word," you shot back, fighting the urge to hit him with the empty milk box. He had this way of getting under your skin, making you react, and he seemed to take endless delight in it.

When night fell and the cameras turned on, it was a different story. As Jelly you felt like you were seeing a different side of life by spending time with Solace. The witty banter, the playful teasing over the text messages—it felt real. More real than the stupid arguments with your roommate over dish duty or who got to use the bathroom first in the mornings.

You’d been doing collaborative streams with Solace for months now. What had started as a random pairing in a popular online game had quickly turned into a regular thing, and your viewers loved it. There was a chemistry there—an undeniable spark that had even you questioning what was real and what was just for show.

And the more you streamed together, the more you found yourself looking forward to those late-night gaming sessions. The way he made you laugh, the way he’d check in to make sure you were okay if things got too intense in-game. There was a kindness to him—a depth that you didn’t see in the Sebastian you shared your living space with.

“So, Jelly,” his voice crackled through your headset, bringing you back to the game at hand. “What’s the plan? You gonna carry us to victory, or should I start writing my will now?”

You chuckled, glancing at the chat as messages flew by. Your viewers were eating this up. “I don’t know, Solace,” you replied, your tone playful. “Maybe I’ll let you die first and then come in for the save. Would make for great content.”

He laughed, a sound that sent a small thrill through you. “Always thinking about the content. That’s why you’re the best.”

You felt your cheeks warm at the compliment, a smile tugging at your lips. Damn him. Why did he have to be so... nice? And why did you have to like it so much?

It was nearly 3 a.m. by the time your stream ended. You stretched, feeling the fatigue settle into your bones. As you stepped out of your room, you were startled to find Sebastian in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge.

He looked up as you entered, a frown on his face. “Late night?” he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

You rolled your eyes, too tired to muster up a proper retort. “Like you’re one to talk,” you muttered, grabbing a water bottle from the counter.

For a moment, there was an awkward silence, the kind that seemed to fill every corner of the small apartment. Then, out of nowhere, he asked, “Do you ever… wonder what your online friends are like in real life?”

You blinked, caught off guard by the sudden change in tone. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, looking uncharacteristically thoughtful. “I mean, it’s easy to get along with someone when you’re just a username and a voice on a screen. But in real life… things are different.”

You studied him for a moment, unsure of where this was coming from. “Yeah,” you said slowly. “I guess you’re right. People can be… different.”

He nodded, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before he turned back to the fridge. “Anyway, good night,” he said over his shoulder as he grabbed a snack and headed back to his room.

“Good night,” you replied, watching him go. You couldn’t help but wonder about the sudden shift in his demeanor. The whole conversation was just a giant question mark and you didn't understand where the sudden question came from.

A week passed, and you couldn't stop thinking about that night in the kitchen. Your streams with Solace were becoming more frequent, and with every passing game, you felt that connection deepening. It was confusing. Especially after Sebastian's words from last week, you actually don't know much about Solace. What he looks like, what his job is, if he has a partner…God he could be a 65 year old man named Josh that drives a truck and eats Hamburgers every day for lunch. He could be anyone.

And then, one fateful night, everything changed.

You were streaming a new co-op game with Solace when a message popped up in the chat from a mutual fan. “Wouldn’t it be crazy if Jelly and Seb were roommates IRL?”

You laughed it off, typing a quick response. “Yeah, imagine that chaos!”

Seb responded with a chuckle, “We’d probably drive each other insane.”

But the thought lingered. Your eyes drifted over to his username again—Pressured_Solace. You hated the feeling of having a crush on someone who was out of reach, someone who had not a face and not a real name. And it crushed you not to know if you would ever know more about him. Wondering if all the flirting and the jokes were just a facade for the streams or if he actually tries to get close to you.

Your sudden silence must have been noticeable because Solace his voice came through your headset, concerned. “Jelly? You okay?”

You swallowed hard, trying to compose yourself. “Yeah, I… I just thought of something.”

“Like what?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious.

“Nothing,” you replied quickly, too quickly. “Just… something funny. I'll tell you later.”

But as you ended the stream, you knew there was no way you were going to let this go. Not without finding out the truth behind Solace.

The stream ended, the microphone turned off and you leaned back into your chair, fumbling with the cables of your headphones.

“Solace?” Your fingers moved on the glowing keyboard, texting him on discord. The most healthy thing was confrontation instead of confusion and you collected your courage to ask him for a picture.

“What's up, Jellybeanie!~”

“Can I get a picture?” It didn't take long till he replied with a spoiler-covered picture, adding a secretive emoji that holds a finger in front of their mouth. Your heart skips a beat, anxiety and excitement rushing through your mind and you click on the image with shaky hands.

It was a fish. He trolled you.

“SOLACE!”

“ALR ALR CHILL BEANIE!1!1”

He send another picture.

And in a single moment, it hit you hard.

And you screamed.

[bluegalaxygirl]

New Bounties (Law X Reader)

Plot: After Wano you and the heart pirates get their new bounties some are higher than others but your shocked, you've never had a wanted poster before and now suddenly you have one.

Warning: Spoilers for Wano, bad language and Fluff.

Law X reader, established relationship, Reader is Female. Thank you to @being-worthy for the idea.

Even though you've been a member of the heart pirates for years you've never had a wanted poster but it never really bothered you, the jobs you were picked for where always behind the scenes mainly because you were good at it. Sneaking around and blending in was something that you could easily do, you need to pretend to be someone? Just give a photo, their personality and job description. You need to break into a military base? You'll be in and out within an hour depending on the size. So it wasn't hard for you to go unnoticed by the world government but Wano was a different story, you managed to blend it pretty well until the big battle started then you got found out quite quickly. Luckily your main job was over and done with so you helped Law and Kid take down big Mom, it was the hardest battle you have ever fought and you almost lost an arm to the giant woman but with your boyfriends skills your arm was almost back to normal. Parting with the straw hats was hard for everyone well except Law, the crew have grown quite close to the straw hats and now the alliance is over most of you hope you'll never see them again just so your not forced to fight them. Your strong but you know there's no way you would win against the other crew. Kids crew however, most of the crew where more than happy to get away form the hot headed captain but you became quite close with Killer who seemed more down to earth than Kid.

Some of the crew where still kinda mad at their captain after yesterday, instead of taking the route Law chose and sticking to the plan, Kid teased your Captain and Luffy to a breaking point making the three ships go down one of the worse routes and down a waterfall. You weren't the type to yell but after almost getting flung off the ship you gave Law a piece of your mind, the poor man had no idea what to do as you stood in front of him and the crew yelling at him for the first time, your face red with anger and heart pounding in your ears. The crew were kinda scared of you afterwards mainly because of Law's shocked face and head bowed in defeat after you finished yelling at him and walked away with a enraged aura. You stayed in Bepo's room last night deciding to give your boyfriend the cold shoulder for the night but now you were on the sofa drinking some hot tea with Lemon and honey for your now sore throat. All the yelling really hurt your throat but at least you could still talk normally "Y/n" Bepo calls out running into the sitting room while holding a piece of paper in his hands soon followed by most of the crew some cheering with big smiles while others sighed in defeat flopping onto the sofa next to you. The two that really caught your attention was Penguin and Shachi linking arms and dancing around with wanted posters in their hands "Oh! You guys got new bounties" With a smile you place a book mark in your book and set it on the table before standing up and being hugged by the fluffy white bear.

You pull your face out of his fur so you don't suffocate as the bear holds you tight while swaying with joy "My bounty went up" Bepo calls out letting you go, so he can hand you his wanted poster, looking it over your eyes soften at the new picture showing a fighting but very cute Bepo but you gasp slightly at the bounty seeing it went up form 500 to 2,500 berries "Wow Bepo, this is amazing" You jump a little as the bear joins you "If you like that your gonna love this, look how cool i am" Penguin runs over putting an arm around your shoulders shoving his wanted poster in your face. Handing Bepo's wanted poster back to the bear you pull Penguins poster away from your face so you can actually see it "Oh please mine is on fire" Shachi sing songs as he goes to your other side putting his arm over his friends that's still around your shoulder holding his wanted poster out to you "Please man your hat is covering your face" Penguin shoots back earning a glare for Shachi "Yea well at least my bounty is higher than yours, plus i think your picture is blurry" As the two playfully banter you take the two wanted posters and look them over, their bounties went up a lot close to going into the millions "Well done boys, i'm very proud of you" You smile at the two managing to stop their bickering as you hand the papers back to them, the two smile at you while finally letting you go "Which one do you like better?" The two yell at the same time before glaring at each other.

Deciding to tease them you pat Bepo on the head, the bear staying close to you since he doesn't really like the two men arguing with you in the middle. Bepo is very sweet, but he can get aggressive, luckily he only steps in if you try and fail to stop the two, he knows you can handle them though. "I like Bepo's" You giggle rubbing the white soft fur on the bears head making the bear smile wide "What? Not fair" The two yell behind you making some of the crew laugh at their shocked faces "I'm sorry" Bepo bows making the two yells more "What are you sorry for?" They both glare at the bear who jumps slightly but you reassure him and turn to the two boys "That's enough now" you sigh pushing them away from Bepo "I'm proud of all of you so don't fight" Your words make the two sigh and nod "yes ma'ma" Shachi sighs walking off to get a drink soon followed by Penguin. "You ok?" You ask Bepo who still has his head down, he nods though and holds his wanted poster close to his chest as you place a hand on his shoulder "You did an amazing job, go celebrate" You gesture over to some of the crew now in the kitchen having drinks and making popcorn. Bepo nods with a smile and heads off to join the crew while you turn back to the sofa seeing Ikkaku sulking. With a sad smile you place hand on her shoulder and kneel down i front of her "You did a great job even though your bounty didn't go up" You try and reassure her but her eyes don't look up from her lap "I think mine's now the lowest" She sighs, you know its hard for her being the only woman besides you on the crew.

Some times it feels like you have to prove yourself just to stay a part of it even though the crew and your captain have never made you feel that way. "Hopefully it will next time, for now i'm just glad you got a new picture" You say looking down at the dangling paper in her hand, your comment makes the girl crack a smile while bringing the paper up, so she can look it over "They got my good side at least" She laughs and you stand up and place a hand on her shoulder letting out a small laugh a long with her "Every side is your good side" You comment making her jump slightly as she looks up at you, her brows furrow trying to tell if you joking with her or not but when she realizes your being serious Ikkaku jumps up and hugs you tight "Thank you" She whispers as you hug her back with a small smile. You hold her for a while rubbing her back hoping she'll feel better soon but you break the hug when someone clears their throat behind you. Turning your head while holding Ikkaku's arms you look to see Jean Bart who has a surprisingly big smile on his face. You smile at him before turning back to Ikkaku who gives you a small smile before sitting back down now looking much happier "Thanks again Y/N" The girl relaxes into the sofa as you nod at her and walk over to the large pirate seeing him with several papers in his large hands. "Did yours go up too?" You ask stopping in front of the man but having to lift your head up in order to look at his face "Yea but i think you'll like this more" The giant man holds out two pieces of paper.

Taking them you lightly smile seeing Law's new wanted poster. You still can't get over how handsome he is but you were very surprised at the bounty, it now being 3 billion, you knew it would go up but this was insane. You shake your head trying not to get too overwhelmed by the amount of zero's as you pull out the paper form under it and gasp in surprise gripping the paper unable to believe what your seeing. Somehow Jean Bart knew exactly how you would react to this news managing to take the time you gave him while looking over Law's wanted poster to move everyone out of your direct line to the door. Some crew were confused, but they didn't argue with the the man and stayed out of the way. It took you a second but your legs moved before you could tell them to do so, running out of the room with the wanted papers in your grip you sprinted done the hall jumping over the lip of the doors connecting hallways. The crew watched you run off but Bart stopped them form following you some concerned as to why you would react like that, "Is she ok?" Bepo asks walking over to the large man but keeping his eyes on the door you ran out of but Bart smiles wide at the bear "They got their first bounty" Bepo jumped in excrement with a big smile as others laugh and cheer starting to get more drinks out to throw a party for themselves.

Running down the metal hallways of the sub you soon make it to Law's office, you didn't bother knocking just barraged in to see your captain sitting at his desk reading a book "Y/N?" Law asks about to get up when you slam the wanted posters on the desk before turning to him with a big smile. The poor captain had no idea what was going on, you've never walked into his office without knocking first, he thought maybe it was an emergency but your smile and bouncing feet told him different. "Your bounty went up, it's now 3 billion and look" You bounce on your tip toes unable to control your excitement as you grab your first ever wanted poster and show it to him "My first wanted poster" You laugh with slight tears of joy threatening to roll down your checks. You haven't spoken or even looked at Law all day, he hated the silent treatment you gave him but seeing you smile so beautifully at him and rush in to show him something made his heart melt slightly, a small smile appears on his face as he takes his eyes off you to look at your wanted poster. The picture in his opinion didn't do you justice but what really caught his eye was the bounty, his small smile drops and his eyes go wide making your heart sink. You stop bouncing and your smile fades along with your tears of joy, you didn't know what was wrong, maybe he's still upset over you being mad at him or yelling at him. "Law... I'm not mad anymore, i'm sorry" You go to put the wanted poster down but your captain grabs it staring with his breath hitched in his throat.

Law tried to form words but it was hard, he's never seen a first bounty this high before, yes you helped take down big mom but for a first bounty this was insane "I-I know, thats not it" The captain finally managed to say prying his eyes away from your poster to look at your sad face, he didn't mean to upset you but he couldn't help the reaction he had. "Then what? Don't you like it?" You hated the pit in your stomach, you didn't think to look at your bounty, you didn't care how low it was, you were just happy to have your name and face on a wanted poster. Law quickly stands and pulls you into a hug with a slight chuckle finally getting over his shock "I love it sweetheart, i'm sorry, i'm just shocked at such a high bounty" You sigh in relief at his words while hugging back, to be honestly the silent treatment you were giving him was torture for you since you love spending time with him, even if its just sitting in the same room as each other and not talking. "It can't be that high, i mean Bepo's is now at 2,500, mine can't be much higher" You laugh only to for Law's eyes to widen slightly and pull you away to see if your being serious, looking up at him in confusion it suddenly hits you that your bounty must be much higher than Bepo's "You didn't look?" The captain asks grabbing your wanted poster while keeping a hand on your hip as you shake your head. "No i ran straight here... i didn't think it would be much" You blush a little, its funny how your first thought when getting your wanted poster was to show Law.

The captain lets a small smile show while handing you the poster letting you look it over, your eyes scan the page until you get to the price on your head, as you count the amount of zero's your eyes widen in shock as your hand starts to shake. Law's quick to notice taking your hand to hold it still while rubbing your hip "1.5 billion?" you ask looking up at the man who nods getting closer to your face "How? Why?" You could hardly comprehend what was written on the piece of paper but Law snapped you out of your thoughts by placing a light kiss on your lips "You did great" He whispers against your lips making your heart flutter a little as a smile appears back on your face "I'm sorry for yelling" You whisper back placing the paper back on the desk so you can run your hands over his shoulder and to the back of his neck keeping him close to you "I deserved it, shouldn't have let that asshole get to me.... I-I'm proud of you y/n" Leaning in the captain lightly kisses your lips feeling you lean in while running a hand up and through his hair. He goes to pull away but you bring him back in for more placing light kisses on his lips before locking them fully and lightly biting his bottom lip. Law chuckles slightly wrapping his arms around your waist to press you closer to him as his mouth opens letting your tongues meet and lips move together. You can't help but moan slightly into it as the captain lifts you up and makes you sit on the desk pulling your legs, so they wrap around his waist, the two of you pull away for air both panting slightly from the heated make out.

Law looks down at the desk spotting his wanted poster and running his hand over it "Your so handsome" You whisper hugging the man close while kissing his neck, Law leans into you a bit before pulling over your wanted poster to get another look at it "you're beautiful" The captain whispers back making you pull away from his neck, so he can kiss you again, its light a first but soon gets heated again this time Law taking the lead and licking your lower lip getting you to open your mouth for him. The make out was long one or both of you having to pull away for air only to go back in for more, you swear his lips are addictive, he may not always show it but moment like this tell you how much he loves you and you want to give that same love back. "Sweetheart" Law stops the make out placing his hand on your neck to stop you form going back in for more, he knew if you did keep kissing him he would just cave in and let you, as much as he would love to continue the captain not only had work to do, but he also had to talk to the crew. "I'm only going to say it to you ok.... I'm sorry for how i acted yesterday, forgive me?" Law asks seeing you smile and nod with loving eyes "Forgiven, just don't do it again" You pull his hand away form your neck giving him a light kiss before getting off the desk "The others are probably throwing a party, you wanna join?" you ask fixing Law's hat and shirt that you've messed up while the captain runs a hand through your hair to fix the mess he made "Only for a little while."

[homunculus-argument]

One way people unintentionally tell on themselves a lot is by assuming that their own biases or thoughts are universal, and then accusing others of something they never said. When you assume the worst of someone you don't know, you're just publicly broadcasting the worst things you can think of.

You can pretty much always tell whether or not someone speaking finnish is a native speaker. The pronunciation is distinct and differs from all but a few related languages, finnic languages do not even resemble any other language family in Europe. Save for a few Estonians - whose language is so similar in phonetics that someone who speaks neither language could not tell them apart - every finnish-as-a-second-language speaker I have met has had an accent, no matter how faint. And the grammar rules are infinite and absurdly complex - someone who has lived here for 20 years and speaks finnish fluently will still make mistakes that a native speaker wouldn't, but more subtle and nuanced ones.

The sheer fucking amount of times I've had someone go "how dare you say that" when I aknowledge the finnish language is like this is astonishing. Who said that not mastering finnish flawlessly is a personal failure, or fault in one's character? I did not, nor did I imply so. The accuser did, seeing their own shadow on me and deciding to attack in self-righteous fury. Every time I hear someone speaking finnish and notice how they conjugate a verb the wrong way - often in a way that would be more logical than how native finns say it - I'm only aware that they probably memorised conjugations from a textbook, and that if I had not learned this language as a native, I could not do what they have done.

I've had people who have never seen finnish romani come at me for saying that they're easy to notice in a crowd by the way they look. They hear me say that and the first picture that pops into their heads is the assumption that I am claiming that the way they look or dress would be bad. No, you said that, without knowing better. Finnish romani are the downright cleanest and tidiest people I have met, putting a lot of effort into being well-dressed and presentable is literally a part of their culture. And as much as ethnic features are always morally neutral, I would still go as far as saying that they are remarkably beautiful people.

Politely pretending to not notice matters that are obvious is how polite people tactfully handle things that are bad or mortifyingly embarrassing. By insisting that it's rude to merely aknowledge how people who are different from me are different from me, you're just airing out what you are thinking. And people like this get offended when I tell them their assumptions were wrong, and will go "how was I supposed to know?" And the thing is, you weren't supposed to know.

You just supposed that you knew.

[twst-drabbles]

Malleus 15

Summary: A way home was finally found a year after you rejected Malleus's advances. Once you got home and were settled in, an invitation made it's way to you, written to you by Malleus Draconia, King of Briar Valley. How many years have passed?

(I've been on an odd writing spree, but for my original writings. It's weird, but I'll take it! Anyways, have a what-if situation of a King Malleus still yearning for the Prefect! Might continue it if people are interested enough in this what-if scenario.)

"Then would it be possible," Malleus reaching out to you as you faced the star-filled sky, "for you and I to share in each others lives?"

…and so the day finally came. When Malleus would gather up his courage and confess in the way all faeries do, in sentences layered over passionate feelings.

Honestly, the thought of being in a relationship with Malleus didn't sound all that bad. He's a sweet man, if a bit air headed with how easily lost in.

You do feel bad, honestly, for the fact that your feelings never ran deeper than general interest. You don't yearn for him, you can't. Especially not when you know that he's a prince. If you want to love him properly, if you want to build upon this general interest, you'd have to accept that specific part of him.

However, when you imagine the future laying before you, you see that it has nothing to do royalty.

Malleus has done nothing wrong. It's just unfortunate that he's a prince. His future was simply not one that will mesh well with your own.

"My life in my own," you said, "I don't intent to share it anymore than I already have. I'm… simply not interested."

You knew him too well. You can't pretend to be ignorant and go through hoops just to convince yourself that surely he didn't mean that, that he meant something different and that it's all platonic. Because, to you, that's just an excuse to not be blunt and say no. To avoid hurting the other party.

But avoiding what needs to be said is worse.

So, you had to reject him and leave it at that. You didn't like hurting him, but you also can't delude yourself and think that everything will somehow work out, especially since your feelings don't match his own.

Malleus didn't push and you didn't make him leave. And so you both stayed, continuing on as you always have, two people with positions too unique to truly be ignored.

The day came that you would leave. You said your goodbyes, you had your parties and feasts, and when all was said and done, you were relieved to be leaving. To finally go back home.

You waved to them all, to all the people you've met along the way, and passed through the mirror without a second glance back.

Time barely passed by when you got home. So little time, in fact, that your phone was still near to full battery. Dust didn't collect on your bed or dining table like you expected, and there wasn't a single voice message or text asking about your whereabouts.

It's as if you didn't vanish at all. Well, to be fair, you weren't the kind of person to keep in constant or close touch with anyone. You liked your alone time a little more than the average person, but it wasn't anything to make you feel guilty over.

In fact, you're relieved, that only a minimal amount of time has escaped you. You didn't have to go home to frantic worries, to people getting angry out of concern for your sudden disappearance. Everything was calm and level. It was easy enough to go back to the routine you had before.

You missed this, you will admit that. You missed the air and scent of your bed, the grocery store and all its busy chatting, the scent of baked or fried snacks surrounding the local flea market, and even the way the wind flows through the trees. Sure sure, the land you were previously in had all these things, but they weren't yours if that made sense.

Honestly, after a while, you were almost convinced that everything that went on back in Night Raven College was just a dream. If only because, like a dream, you can really only enter and exit such places once.

But then an invitation entered your hand.

Addressed to you, handwritten in such a way that can only be taught in professional calligraphy classes. It tells of a tour around the gardens in the abode of the King of Briar Valley.

King, huh? Has that much time really passed? Putting that aside for a moment, you can't say you were shocked that, out of all people to be able to send a letter right to you, you would place your bets on Malleus.

That being said, you couldn't say no. It's been a while but you're familiar with Malleus's language. A simple tour just for the sake of a tour? No, that's not it at all. He probably misses you. And, to an extent, you miss being over there. A visit is probably due right about now.

And, if things go the same way as they did last time, you'll be gone then back in the blink of an eye.

So, you wrote your reply and placed in on the nearest full body mirror.

You probably should've practiced your landing when it comes to mirror traveling. You fell right through, though you were lucky enough to grab the edge of the mirror before you could crack your knees.

Immediately, you were hit with the scent of cold and old magic, that sharp scent, not quite ozone, less metallic than that, less chemical-like than that. It was neutral magic, subdued in smell but overpowering enough to fill your sense anyway.

It's been a hot minute since you've been here. You're not quite to magic anymore, and you couldn't help but start coughing and clearing your throat.

Then, you were practically washed away with the smell of fresh rosemary.

"You…" And, as you expected, his voice stayed the same, and yet you can hear it, that small bit of quivering, as though he can't believe what's before him. "So, the invitation did make its way towards you, dear Child of Man. Are you alright? Are you sick?"

You held out your hand and coughed into your hand, trying to get this weird stickiness out.

"I'm, ugh, I'm fine, Hornton," Ah, should you really be calling him that now that he's king, apparently? Ah, who cares, you're the guest, you can be forgiven. "It's been a bit. Not all that used to magic anymore, is all."

And then, you looked up. Before, you wouldn't say his horns were malleable or soft, but there is a difference to them. Their color has darkened, and there these silver decorations about them that made those horns seem longer than they actually are.

There was a laugh. "Are my horns truly such a marvel? Well, if you so ask, I won't mind you touching them, if only to prove to you that they are no mere illusion."

"No, I'm good on that front," you sighed then finally looked to Malleus's face. "Huh. You look… older."

Older, and that's honestly kind of concerning for you. He isn't aged, not in the same way you've felt around Lilia. Yes yes, Lilia has a youthful face to him, but after a while, you can't help but notice the little things that betray his true age. Much like now, where you can see the slightest dips in his eyes, near his mouth.

Like most fae, they seem forever young, but the signs don't skip anyone no matter long they stay alive.

The fact is, enough time has passed that Malleus visibly aged.

Malleus, in all his kingly regalia, closed his eyes and took a deep breathe in. "It hasn't been that long. How many years…twenty? Perhaps thirty or less? Ah but, that's an age for children of men, isn't it? And yet, time hasn't so much as glanced at you. You look just the same as I remember, perhaps more youthful. But, that aside, I'm glad to know that this invitation made it you, before life has left your body."

…thirty years? Thirty years? So, time really does pass by differently in your home, huh? That's… you don't know what to think, honestly. Awful? Interesting? It certainly doesn't feel good.

"That long? How much did I miss?" Were there reunions? Letters written to you but could never be sent? And how is everyone else doing with their lives? Are they still alive? Did someone die an early death potentially? And what about families? Did they start some?

…ugh, you hate this feeling. You only have theories and questions and already you're feeling left out from it all.

Well, all you can do is take it one step at a time. Get to know what has happened, and move forward from there. You have no choice but to do so.

Malleus placed a gloved hand on his chin. "…it would take too much time to say right now. Perhaps I'll tell you all that I know as I walk you around the garden? You did accept the invitation, did you not?"

Your mind wasn't quite here, so you just nodded with a, "Right, right."

"Then," Malleus turned, his hair much longer now, perfectly groomed without a knot in there, "shall we be off?"

And you followed, feeling a bit awkward in the fact you were just wearing casual wear.

"…is that lipstick you're wearing, Hornton?" Probably not what you should be focusing on, but you couldn't help but notice. You're more used to his pallid lips than that luscious color.

"Hmm? Why, yes. It was shade recommended to me by one of my servants. If I remember right, this was something crafted by Schoenheit."

"Oh, so his stuff's world famous now, I take it?"

"World famous? Hmm, not quite sure what that entails, but the influence has made its place here. So, influential enough. Does it look odd on me?"

"Don't worry, it looks nice."

[yuri-is-online]

Congrats on 300! You more than deserve it. If it’s alright, could you write Jealousy pt. 2 for Idia and Vil? Thanks <3

9. Jealousy pt. 2- someone from a rival school asks for your number

Thank you very much friend (╥﹏╥) Of course I can, I hope you like it!

notes: notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu, mild RSA slander, reference to the events of chapter 5 (Vil). If you saw this post for the .3 seconds I posted it before it was done baking I am so sorry. Check out the rest of the event requests on my masterlist here.

Idia

"Thank you so much for showing me around." The RSA boy has been strangely polite to you and Idia ever since you intervened in their... "conversation." Not that he has been exactly paying attention to the very tall very blue boy who has been hovering around you looking for a good moment to cut in. "The NRC layout is just so different to what I'm used to." he laughs awkwardly and you involuntarily look at Idia.

"Hope it stays that way." He mutters and you try to avoid making any noise of agreement in hopes it doesn't provoke any more arguing between them. The RSA kid pretends not to notice, but the smile that spreads across his face suggests he thinks Idia's grumbling makes him look better somehow. You know his attempt at moving closer to you when you take out your phone certainty doesn't.

"Um, I'd like a chance to thank you properly, but I don't think we'll get a chance to see each other again during the fair..."

"Yeah I'm going to be pretty busy." You state, really hoping he gets the point.

[yuu] run

[idia] ???

[idia] and just leave u with sir scam a lot? nah

"Could I have your number then?" He asks, completely unaware that there are two introverts begging for the release of death in front of him.

"Nah sorry I don't have a phone." You can't find the meme you want to send Idia so you settle on a string of hearts while he tries to avoid laughing in the other guys extremely confused face.

[idia] cute

Vil

Vil has never once wished to be anyone other than exactly who he was. Why would he? The amount of work he had put in to commanding the attention he did would be pointless if he wanted to throw it all away and be somebody else. He should be secure in his position... he is secure in his position... that's why he finds this entire situation so... annoying.

"Yuu! I'm surprised you decided to participate in the VDC, you said you weren't going to." Neige had turned his attention to you as soon as he was done speaking to Rook, who looks just as flabbergasted as you do that the idol was speaking to you.

"I'm sorry but I don't think we've met?" You are clearly confused, and Vil wants to think entirely too concerned with his condition to spare the other boy a single thought. But still, like a worm working it's way to the core of an apple, Neige moves happily over to you trying to rot what little Vil can still claim as entirely his.

"I wasn't dressed as nicely last time sorry," he is clearly genuinely disappointed "we met when you came with the NRC Headmage to talk about the VDC, remember?" You blink, looking between Neige and Grim in increasing confusion. "I forgot to tell you my name, I've been thinking about it a lot... I really wanted to ask for your number so I could talk to you again."

"I don't really remember sorry, did you change your hair or something?" This is getting increasingly awkward for everyone but Neige who weathers it all with a smile as Vil tries to push down the implications of how pleased this development makes him feel.

Serves you right brat, Vil knows that Yuu will never forget meeting him.

[mothiepixie]

If I may, and if you haven’t answered it yet, how do all the boys react to Mottie being/getting sick?

Absolutely!! I hope you enjoy

Sans:

He knows something is off immediately; Maybe he hasn't gotten a call or a text like he's used to that day. He tries to think nothing of it but usually before noon he gets at least a text. He sends a quick meme that he knows would have her key smashing a reply, but he gets nothing. He lets it be and just figured she's busy, but when half the day has gone by that's when he decides to give a call.

The moment he hears her voice, he grimaces at how coarse it sounds. “geez, have you been chewing glass?” And he knows it's bad when she doesn't retort and just hears a quiet sigh.

“yeah, i agree.. not one of my best jokes… hang on, kiddo.” He doesn't give time for Motti to think and hangs up. He'll show up at her house with a bag full of soup and such. He's nonchalant about the hold thing, but he's pretty worried. He doesn't like that she barely responds.

He stays late making sure she's okay.

Boysen:

Their world isn't soft when it comes to caring for others. Boysen has different ways of showing affection, and only will get better in the later years that doesn't have to do with showering in gifts. And so, when Motti first gets sick he is concerned but he's also unsure what to do. He is a bit of a germaphobe and human sickness is always something that disgusts him.

So, there he stands at Motti's side; he has gloves on, clear up to his elbows, an apron while holding a tray of soup, juices and medicine. Through his mask, he tells her sternly that she's to finish it all and to shower after and he'll wash her clothes. She'll thank him and he just says “Don't thank me, just quit being diseased.”

Big Red:

He doesn't realize right away that Motti is sick, but when she blatantly tells him, he inwardly panics. He's reliving trauma from his younger years of when he,or Papyrus, was ill, and they had to hide it. Staying locked away or pretending they weren't weak in fear of someone coming for them at their worst.

He doesn't know how to react other than telling her she can't leave their house and to stay out of sight. It confuses her, and freaks her out a little, and Red gets more angry at himself for frightening her.

He barks at her to relax and obviously she can't now. So in frustration, he asks what she needs and he'll get it. He doesn't know how to take care of her needs since monster illnesses are different from humans, and he hates how he feels helpless.

Although there isn't much for him to do but watch her sniffle and hack her lungs out, he sulks and gets frustrated when she tries to do anything herself. “ya dont gotta get up, damn it! i'm right here!” And will grumble all the way to the kitchen.

Farmer:

It's nearly the crack of dawn when he gets a call from Motti. She can barely get a word out without going into a coughing fit. He hears her sniffling, but he cannot tell if it's because of her stuffy nose or she's crying.

“I'm so sorry, but can I ask you to take care of my animals for me?”

The cracking of her voice breaks his heart. “you never have to ask, peaches.”

He has the majority of her chores done before the sun even rises. Of course, Papyrus helped as well since he was already up, but he pushed Sans to go check on her frequently.

Homemade soup was brought over frequently and Farmer tells her about how sassy Creampuff has been since Motti has been bedridden. Farmer is a master at playing it cool, but when he goes home he lies in his bed worried about her. He doesn't like that she's alone and ill. He thinks about changing that.

Dream:

He senses it and will come to check on her. Although he's never been sick himself, he has felt it through millions of lives and knows just how miserable Motti is.

He is the best at taking care of her because he will know when the symptoms get worse or come back before she does. She'll wake up and he will be there with a glass of water and medicine, urging her to take it before her previous medicine fully wears off. She doesn't have to ask, seek or express her needs and Dream is there with whatever she requires.

With him being there also improves her mood and makes her feel better faster.

Cross:

He fumbles around the most when he realizes she is sick. “Oh whoa, okay. Let's get you to bed, yeah???” but he's quick to make sure she's taken care of. He feels a bit awkward and not sure what she needs so he looks up what's best for humans. But he also realizes humans can die (that's his fault for looking at webmd)

But he'll make chicken soup from scratch, and feed it to her. He doesn't like how miserable she sounds and he will pull her into his lap to let her rest against his chest. He doesn't know how else to help but feed her and comfort her. He's not a big fan of feeling helpless and secretly panicking that she has some terminal illness disguised as a cold.

Ink:

Unfortunately he doesn't really take care of Motti. He will hang around her and keep her company, maybe grab a few things for her here and there, but he's more interested in distracting her. If he drinks one of his vials, then the worry sets in and he comforts her.

Nightmare:

He will feed off her misery and surprisingly that makes her get well faster? Forces the others to take care of her though and gets agitated if they buffoon around. Ends up doing himself and snippily if anyone points it out.

[cheapshrimpysheep]

First Date - Scarabia

SUMMARY: What would your first date with him be like? I know first dates might not go so well, but let's pretend these are different. ;)

CHARACTERS: Kalim Al-Asim & Jamil Viper

TAGS: Fluf; GN Reader; Flirting; Kissing

WARNING: Spoilers from: Book 4 AND A Firelit Sky: over the Sands

WORD COUNT: An average of 670 words per character.

Heartslabyul / Savanaclaw / Octavinelle / Scarabia / Pomefiore / Ignihyde / Diasomnia

COMMENTS: I managed to write this one in one day. First because there are only two characters. But second, because I feel that Kalil is relatively easy to write and because I'm similar to Jamil in many ways, what I write about him tends to flow easily.

I hope you enjoy ;)

Kalim's already taken you on a carpet ride, took you to Scarabia’s Oasis, taken you to his homeland, showed you the fireworks of Al'ab Nariya. What the heck is he going to do for your date?!?! JAMIL HELP!!! First of all: No animal parades!

They both discuss it for some time until Jamil says that it’s not a bad idea to do something you've done before but in a different way. Kalim's taken you on a carpet ride before, but not in a romantic context. And you two have been to the Oasis, but not alone.

He still wants to do something new, something bigger, but he trusts Jamil's opinion and advice. After all, he knows you too, maybe he's right and that's enough for a first date.

He surprises you one night. You hear someone knocking on your bedroom window, which is on the first floor. When you draw the curtains, he's there, sitting on his flying carpet. And he invites you to go with him, somewhere. It's a surprise. Do you trust him?

You ride around the NRC for a while, enjoying the view of the campus at night, before he takes you to Scarabia, to fly once more through those skies, this time at night. And it's Beautiful! The sky was clear, revealing all the stars surrounding the large half moon. And this time, you weren't talking about Jamil, but about each other.

He talks and smiles a lot. He asks a lot about you, you likes, your world, etc. He's so curious about the person he has a crush on. And he ends up getting very close to you without realizing it. Your shoulders touching. Maybe the carpet fakes a little turbulence to get the two of you even closer, to the point where you're in each other's arms. If you don't show yourself uncomfortable, or on the contrary, even smile about it, then you will stay that way for the rest of the ride.

You arrive at the Oasis. The moon reflecting in the calm waters. He helps you get off the carpet and starts looking around muttering something like ���Where was it again?” The carpet flies to one of the nearby palm trees and returns with a basket and picnic blanket, and Kalim thanks it. Needless to say, it was Jamil who put the basket in there and prepared the food.

The two of you continue talking as you eat, sitting on the picnic blanket by the water. He looks like he's having as much fun as you are, until his expression gets slightly less excited because he's remembered something: “Um... (Y/N)?... Are you enjoying the date? I mean, I think you are, you're smiling a lot. But... is this really enough? It doesn't feel enough.”

You tell him that this is enough, of course it is. The two of you being together is enough to make you smile. Being alone with Kalim like this, on an official date, is more than enough. And he's so glad about that! He is so relieved that he can make you so happy with so little. That means he can always make you happy and see your wonderful smile.

He hugs you and tells you how he’s felling, how happy he is that you are happy by his side. Then the carpet nudges him in the shoulder. He looks confused for a moment, until he realizes what the carpet brought him that he had already forgotten about. “AH! Yeah, I was having so much fun I forgot. You're a lifesaver.” he says to the carpet.

He gives you a big bouquet of jasmines. At Scalding Sands, he told you about the story of the thief who gave jasmines to the princess he loved, remember? You look at the beautiful flowers and Kalim's big and sweet smile. You have nothing to give him... except for, maybe, a thank you kiss.

Jamil is always busy and stressed. Yet somehow, he managed to arrange a night for the two of you. He's managed to get some Scarabian students responsible enough to take care of Kalim while he's with you. However, if something happens he won't be too far away, because he took you to Scarabia anyway.

He took you to the empty room where you stayed when... well, he kinda kidnapped you... You had no idea what he had planned until he opened the door. It wasn't empty. It had cushions on the floor, a small table for eating, opaque and translucent fabrics decorating the walls. It reminded you a little of his dorm lounge, but more romantic. And it was night, so the only things illuminating the interior were the moonlight coming through the small window and the lighted lamps. He did all that for you?

A quiet and comfy place where he can have a dinner and rest with you, this is what he prepared for you two. You enter and sit on the cushions in front of the table full of food prepared by him. He made your favourite foods, his favourite foods, new foods that you said at some point you wanted to try, an authentic feast to the taste of both of you.

He will look at you discreetly while you eat something you like, to appreciate the face you make when you're delighted by it. When you try something new, he will offer to feed you, again because he wants to see your reaction. Of course everything is delicious, he doesn't have to worry about you not liking the dishes and he knows it. After all, he was careful to make things he knew you would like, removing all the ingredients you didn't like.

You're on a date, which means you have a crush on each other and which makes him allow himself to be more cheeky. At the end of dinner, he will take advantage of you leaning back a little and lay his head on your thighs. When he sees your blushing face he smirks a little. Truth being told, he's blushing a little bit himself. You can see he's tired, despite his attempts to hide it from you. That and you can feel his body relaxing. After all, it's his date too.

You start petting his head his head and playing with his hair, and you see a smile so sweet and so rare that it warms your heart. He reaches out to caress your cheek. “Can I ask you something?” you nod and he smirk once more “Could you feed me some grapes?” you raise an eyebrow, still smiling a little “Please? I've always been curious to know what it felt like.”

You take the bunch of grapes and bring them close to you so that you can take one grape at a time and feed it to Jamil. You see his expression is a little smug, but grateful and appreciative too. You two chat while you feed him the grapes, until he gently takes your hand before you can take it back to the bunch of grapes and kiss it.

His kiss was so soft and caring, you couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to have them on yours. He gets up, sits beside you, and look you in the eyes. Your first reflection? After what happened when he took you to Scarabia the first time? Quickly look away, as if dodging something.

He lets out a low gasp. “Wait, no, I’m, not...” he gives you a moment, until he brings his hand to your cheek “I'm sorry, really sorry. But I promise you I won't do it to you ever again. It's different now. I didn't know you. But now I do.” with his other hand, he takes yours “I don't do that to people I care about. And know I care about you. Please... let me see your eyes.” You give in and look into his eyes. And you feel nothing but your heart racing. And his face comes even closer to yours.

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[bimbo-writer]

She said fuck me like I'm famous

Contains: rockstar gojo, model reader, enemies to fwb, pet names, semi-public, praise, dumbification, semi hate sex, overstimulation, creampie, almost caught.

--------------------------------------------------

Modeling in simple terms is not for the weak and definitely not for those who can't handle pressure. That's why when your agency asked if you'd be willing to do a duo shoot with a rockstar you complied. It wasn't like you hadn't done duo shots before so this shouldn't be too hard.

The only problem was that your agency purposely left out the fact that the rockstar you'd be working with would be Satoru Gojo. The absolute worst rockstar to work with. You knew this and so did your agency that's why they didn't tell you.

It wasn't like he was a straight up jerk but they way he talked to people and the way he treated others really pissed you off. Like he was somehow better than them because of his talent. You were also someone that people said was really gifted but you didn't brag about it 24/7 like he did.

That's why when you pulled up to the shooting location you almost walked back to the car that drove you there. You would have gone back home in a instant had it not been for your reasoning manager. "Come on please don't do this I know you don't like him but it's not everyday you get to model clothes for sakura blossom."

She did have a point this was one of the quickest growing clothing brands. If you did the job well your name could spread further than ever. You sighed deeply and nodded telling her you would go through with the shoot. Even thought you really didn't like Gojo.

You had to tell yourself it would only be for about 5 hours. Then you could go back to pretending he didn't exist. Simple really.

You walked up to Gojo and extended your hand, "Nice to meet you Gojo I'm with moonlight productions, I look forward to working with you." He didn't even give you a proper glance and just shooed you away.

Oh hell no

"I'm sorry but when someone, especially a lady extends her hand to you, you shake it" you spat angrily grabbing his hand and forcing him to shake yours. Everyone was kinda taken aback, no had ever really raised their voice to gojo. Gojo himself was stunned by your boldness, even a little impressed.

"Sorry dear but I only shake hands with those who have earned it, and by the looks of it you haven't." He spat back yanking his hand away from yours. The mood of the room shifted, tension building quickly.

Thankfully your manager was close by and dragged you away to be fitted for the clothes. If she hadn't there was no telling what you would have done. "Dear please don't do anything like that again we don't need rumors spreading."

You know she ment well but you just couldn't help getting mad at him for acting so stuck up. Like would it kill him to be a decent person? It wasn't something you should focus on for long, it would only distract you.

They fitted you for the clothes and had you go to the trailer they had and have you change for the first photo. The clothes looked nice on you, not something you yourself would wear but pretty. As soon as you stepped out of the trailer you were met with Gojo's piercing eyes.

"Doesn't someone look nice for once" it was a backhanded compliment. You knew he was just trying to get under your skin and get a reaction out of you. Too bad he wasn't going to get one.

You walked right past him back to where the cameras were set up and asked what poses you would be doing. To your horror though they said they decided to change the theme last minute to a fancy couple on vacation look.

You were used to having things changed last minute but this was something you weren't really sure of you wanted to do. You could feel Gojo's smirk from behind you, he was just loving this. "That's perfectly fine. It's just different is all."

You weren't going to let this upset you and give him a reaction. "Thank you for being so cooperative. So for the first pose we want you to lay on the couch with Gojo looking at you lovingly." God you wanted to gag.

With a small sigh you walked onto the set and layed down making sure to not wrinkle the clothes too much. While Gojo rested his head on the top of the sofa looking down on you. "Alright that looks good but can Gojo bring his head a little closer and maybe put your hand on her cheek."

Alright nope that wasn't going to happen. But before you could protest he already had his hand on your cheek rubbing it lightly. The action was supposed to anger you but you found yourself blushing a little trying not to look into his eyes. "Come on sweet cheeks you have to look at me remember?"

God you hated how the pet name made you weak. You looked into his eyes for but a moment long enough for them to take enough photos. "Alright that was good we're gonna go ahead and take another with the roles reversed this time."

Perfect.

This was your change to show him just how good you are at being a model and at being a flirt. As you got into position you realized that you were a little too short for this couch, arms being extended too hard. "Um is there anyway I could get like a step stool, I'm afraid I'm a little too short for this."

You hated this, it was so embarrassing for you. The staff didn't panic and brought you a step stool to kneel on so your arms wouldn't hurt as much. "You feel better now sweet cheeks?" You rolled your eyes grabbing his cheek a little rough forcing his face your way.

"I'm fine but are you darling? After all I'm the one looking down on you, this doesn't hurt your ego does it?" You smiled warmly at seeing his eyes widened a little before returning back to his signature smirk.

"Not at all, after all I'll be the one looking down on you later" his tone a little too seductive for your liking. You could hear the shudder of the camera, it's fine you just have to put up with him for a little longer. You wanted him to know just how much you disliked him so you grabbed a handful of his hair pulling him even closer to you.

"You sure about that honey" you decided to give him a little nickname too just to spite him. He didn't complian about how rough you were being with him but instead he pushed forward his lips metting yours. It caught you off guard and accidentally fell forward more trying to get back.

The camera man gasped while your managers simply giggled, much to your dislike. The camera clicked away quickly taking advantage of the situation. You quickly pulled away a little breathless and face flushed a dark shade of pink.

"What's the matter sweet cheeks a little kiss got you hot and bothered?" He was being an ass about it whispering to you as to not draw anymore attention to the two of you. That was the biggest thing you hated about him, just how smug he could be.

"For your information I'm fine lets just hurry and get this stupid photo shoot over with already". You motioned over to the photographer and waited for them to give you more instructions.

It didn't take long for them to run the two of you through the rest of the poses for the first few outfits. However you needed a break in between the first and second half as the second half would take place outside when it was darker. You started heading to the trailer they had for you until you felt a tug on your hand.

You looked back thinking it was probaly your manager but to your disappointment it was Gojo. "What do you want Gojo? This is my time to rest and be away from you". Your face giving away your annoyance before your tone could.

"Calm down princess I'm not here to be a bother I just figured we would spend a little alone time together. Y'know get to know each other a little more". You didn't like the way he worded his sentence let alone what his idea of getting to know him could be. However you didn't really need to push him away since he wasn't really being a bother.

"Fune but as soon as I'm annoyed with you, your out of my trailer". He smirked and allowed you to open the door for him and stepped in after you. He locked the door behind him and made himself comfy on the small couch in the trailer.

"So princess how long have you been a model?" You looked over from where you were standing and thought about it for a second before responding.

"I think next month will make my 5th year modeling but professional only 2 years". You hadn't been in the business for too long but drew enough attention to be highly respected.

"That's cute, I've been in the music industry for almost 6 full years now princess and y'know how famous I am right?" He asked as I'd he wasn't on almost every radio station and music platform. Unfortunately for him you liked be a tease to stuck up people like him.

"Can't say I do. I mean I barely knew your name until a couple weeks ago when my agency told me I would be modeling with you". It was a lie but you wanted to see what kind of reaction he would give.

"Is that so? Then why is it that you have a copy of my latest magazine in your trailer?" His question caught you off guard since you forgot your manager picked it up for you a couple days ago to see what Gojo looked best in. It was purely for research and not because you wanted to see him shirtless in the magazine.

"That's none of your business and that's not even mine". You tried to protest but he wasn't falling for it at all.

"Then why's it in your trailer princess? Unless it's yours you have no reason to keep a magazine that doesn't belong to you in your trailer". God why did he have to be such a persistent man?

"Okay so what if it's mine it's not like it means anything". You decided yo give up on trying to pass it off as someone else's. Even if it brought you shame it was better than trying to keep up with the lies.

"No I think it does mean something. I think you got it because even though you put up a front you actually like me. I've seen you at my concerts before and I promise I've never forgotten a person that's come to my concerts".

Fuck, he knew.

It wasn't planned, when you were still in training to be a professional model you were given tickets to go see him perform. At first you weren't going to but your friend convinced you it would be a waste if you didn't. So you went and were blown away at the vocals that Gojo had.

However that excitement was short lived as when he stopped singing to talk with the crowd he became the same smug Gojo you know today. You thought that it was just the fame getting to his head and that he was different off stage. But when you went home and looked up some of his interviews he acted the exact same.

And ever since then you made it your mission that if you ever worked with him you would show him that his ego needed to be much smaller than it was. "That concert I went to on a wim because my friend gave me the tickets. I didn't really want to be there but she would have been sad if I didn't". The was all there was to it nothing more.

"You say that but your face tells me otherwise, that you really liked my performance that night". He stood up and was now standing behind you pressed up against your back. "Just admit you like me" he whispered in your ear all to sweet, making it hard to resist giving in.

You crooked your head back against his shoulder staring into his deep blue eyes. They were always the one thing you liked about him, the fact that they looked so good on him made you flustered. "Like hell I'll ever say that I like you Gojo, I'm not some girl that you can just take in your trailer. I have my dignity after all".

He smirked at hearing you deny him. It was always more fun for him when he was denied because in the end he would get what he wanted. "Then if I talk about how much I want you, you won't fold?" He raised a brow as he asked the question.

You looked at the clock and noticed you still had about an hour before you needed to be ready. Plus seeing Gojo fail at something he is so proud of would be funny. "I'm game" with that he pushed away from you and went back to sit on the couch then patted his lap.

He seriously wanted you to sit on his lap? You sighed heavily and walked over to him but didn't sit wanting to test his patience. And clearly he wasn't having it because he pulled you into his lap quickly making you grind against his crotch.

"Gojo you can't do stuff like this!" You yelled but he cared very little what you thought, making you grind more. It was hard to suppress the sounds that treatned to spill from your lips. He knew this and forced you down harder wanting to hear the sounds you would make.

"Gojo- mhp stop this isn't professional!" You tried to reason with him but he wasn't listening to focused on the pleasure you were giving him.

"You know for someone how's complaining I'm not seeing you do much to stop me" and he was right. As much as you denied liking it you really loved it, being put on your place by the man you say you hate. It brought you great pleasure unlike anything else.

As much as Gojo loved seeing your composure break slowly he wanted to see you desperate for him. "You know you complain too much" with that he silenced you with a passionate kiss. It wasn't hard or extremely rough just filled with lust and need. The kind of kiss that made anybody weak.

That fact that Gojo was willing to kiss you like that made you shiver, he might have been an ass but he did care about you. You melted into the kiss allowing him to do whatever he wanted. The need to try and fight with him leaving your body.

He pulled away when you started to paw at his shirt, a small string of saliva connecting the two of you before quickly falling apart. "You seem go be enjoying this princess" his signature smirk made you want to punch him. But it also made you want to kiss him again.

"Shut up gojo" he pulled you down harder feeling his cock stir more. It was growing bigger by the second and felt heavy in his lap. He wanted to be inside you already, to see you fall apart completely for him.

"Oh fuck princess I can't take this much longer, do me a favor sick me off" with that he pushed you off. Making you fall to the floor and on your knees, turning around to yell at him you were met with his cock in your face.

The tip was red and it looked way bigger than it felt through his pants. You stared in awe for a moment before Gojo's voice brought you out of your daze. "See something you like?" He always had something smart to say.

You didn't answer him and just moved to start kissing along the base of his cock. He groaned feeling your lips on his cock, bucking his hips lightly. You pulled away completely much to his annoyance, "be patient you big baby". You teased moving back to kiss the tip, slowly moving back down to the base.

You wanted to take this part slow knowing once he was ready that he didn't plan on stopping. Unfortunately Gojo wasn't a patient man, his hand finding his way into your hair and forcing you to take his length.

It didn't hurt as much as you thought it would but it caught you by surprise and made you gag a little. You glared up at Goji but he couldn't care and actually found it rather hot. He liked the girls he fucked to have a little fight in them, made it that much sweeter when they submitted to him.

You bobbed your head up and down his clock allowing Gojo to guide you for the most part. You weren't taking all of him yet but he wants going to push you that far yet.

You wanted to tease him and see him falter from the whole play boy attitude. Slowly making your movements more precise and focussing your attention on the tip. His breathing became shallow and his thrusts started to be sloppy. He was close and you could feel it, his cock twitching ever so lightly in your mouth.

"Fuck princess you really know how to make me breathless" you smiled at his comment going even faster. He couldn't hold it in much longer and was spilling in your mouth after another thrust. His grip on your hair was bruising, he wanted to make sure you had no choice but to swallow everything he was giving you.

And you did, taking every drop of cum that he was giving you. Once he finished you pulled off his cock with a pop and wipped your mouth with the back of your hand. Gojo was just staring at you blankly, being the tease that you are you opened your mouth. Showing him that you had swallowed all of it.

He groaned at seeing you obediently showing him that you swallowed it all. His heart swelling with pride and making him hard again. "Such a good girl, now let me do the same thing to that pretty pussy of yours". His hand moving to bring you up off your knees before forcing you back into his lap.

His cock layed hard against your stomach showing just how far he was going to reach inside you. It almost made you nervous to take him but he pulled you into a kiss melting away that nervousness. "I'm gonna take care of you baby don't worry" his loving words making you wet again.

His hands moved toward your hips lifting you up slightly, before moving you down on his cock. It hurt being stretched out so much but it also felt so good. Inch by inch he slowly pushed his way inside you until he was all tye way to the hilt. The tip almost kissing your cervix, he held you still while you squirmed lightly. Lettung you get used to the feeling of him.

"Gojo... move please..." it came out as a whisper but he heard it loud and clear. His hands teasing your clit, rubbing light circles on the sensitive nub. Thinking he didn't hear you and was just playing with you whispered again just a little louder this time. "Gojo please..." the plea more desperate this time.

He smirked hearing you beg again, "please what princess? I'm not a mind reader you know". His tone coy and mischievous knowing full well that he knew what you were talking about. Bringing his hips down just a little to create some kind of friction between you two.

It irritated you that he wanted you to practically spell ot out for him. But as much as you didn't want to admit it you wanted him to fuck you and ruin you. "Please fuck me gojo" you grumbled louder as your blush deepened. He laughed a little which only aggravated you more but he did as you asked and started to thrust up into you slowly.

"Anything for you my baby" he purred against your ear as his hands moved to tease your nipples over the fabric of your shirt. A shudder ran through your body at the feeling of his fingers rolling your sensitive nubs. The situmaltuon from both ends causing you to squirm and whimper. His hips slowly moved back before slamming into you rough. His pace hard and fast from the get go, "gonna make you scream my name sugar".

The sound of his hips meeting your ass could be heard throughout the whole trailer and potentially outside. Though that didn't matter to you in the moment, all you wanted was for Gojo to make a mess of you. And he's was pushing his cock deeper and deeper into your sloppy pussy.

"Gojo... Gojo please more..." the plea leaving your lips as if it was your dying wish. And being the pleasing man he was he did, his thrusts becoming deeper and harder. The sloppy sounds growing louder and echoing off the trailer walls.

It felt amazing and euphoric as his tip kept kissing against your cervix ever so lightly. "Fuck, fuck Gojo please don't stop...".

"Wasn't planning on it baby" his hands moving to spread your legs wider and give him a better view of his cock splitting you open. "God you look absolutely beautiful on me" he groaned, the sight of his cock starting to form a white ring at the base. The mention of you looking good on him made you wetter, being Gojo Satorus woman want exactly you wanted but it didn't sound that bad.

Right now though you weren't too busy thinking about it as he was brining you closer and closer to the edge. Just a little more and you would be coming undone, he could tell to and was just shaking at the thought of you cumming all over his cock. Being a shaking mess, whimpering for him to keep going and make an even bigger mess of you.

His hips coming up to meet your ass hard as his cock began to start twitching. "Gonna cum soon baby, need to hear you beg for me". He whispered into your ear, and just as he was about to let you go there was a knock at the door.

"Miss are you almost ready we need to be on set in about 30 minutes." His question catching you both of guard but only you froze in place. Gojo simply continued to pound you uncaring that there was someone on the other side of the door.

You frantically looked back at him trying to convey that he should stop but he didn't care nor did he want to. So it was left to you to try and respond to him without giving away that you were being fucked. "I- I'm almost down changing just give me a minute-" your senetce being cut short by kiss lips landing on yours. Muffiling what was left of the response as he completely dominated the kiss.

The guy didn't seem to notice and took his leave quickly after. Then it was just the two of you again. You pulled away from his lips and glared angrily at him, "what is wrong with you we could have been caught!" He just smirked and trusted up harshly the action making you moan.

"Calm down princess nobody would come in here without your permission. Plus you were gripping me real tight when you heard his voice. I think you wanted us to be caught." His teasing tone making you blush harder, and he wasn't wrong the thought of being caught had made you tighten around him.

"You're being ridiculous..." you stammered now feeling on edge again and so close to cumming your brains out. Hands gripping his shirt to try and stabilize yourself from losing it.

"Come on baby let yourself go and let me make you scream" he whispered his breathe fanning over your ear. Hips coming flush against your ass, tip kissing your cervix in a brushing manor. "Fuck- gonna cum baby, wanna see you let go" lips ghosting over your shoulder.

Small maons a and whimpseres were all you could respond with as your orgasm came crashing down on you. The clear liquid coating his cock and the floor, he released soon after you. Painting your insides white with his seed.

"Fuck baby your gripping me real tight wanna keep my cum that bad?" He teased riding out his high with you. Hands digging deeper into your thighs, small crescents forming from his grip.

As tye both of you came down from your highs you started to realize just what you and done. You fucked the very man that you said was just another loser in the world with too much of an ego. Now here you were split open on his dick and his cum deep inside you. A giant blush formed and he could see it all.

"Aww coke on baby don't tell me you're getting all shy now, after the fact?" His tone mocking, giving a small squeeze to your thigh again.

"I'm not it's just I..." you could find any words and just kept quiet. "Come on we need to get dressed this photoshoot isn't over yet". You grumbled trying to squirm out of his grip.

"Wow princess calm down, unless you want me to get hard again" he whispered, kissing along your neck.

"No don't do that, we seriously need to get dressed-" her sentence getting cut short by a small knock on her door.

"Miss its almost time for you get come out" her voice ringing out making her freeze in her tracks. Pussy pulsing a little.

"Baby your doing it again" his voice only loud enough for you to hear. You quickly clasp a hand obverse raise mouth before he does something stupid. Though it was of no use since he just used you to try and get caught. Giving a small thrust up into you making you whimper.

Your boss didn't notice and just waited for a reply. You glared back at Gojo before responding, "I'll be out in a minute just go tell them for me please". She said okay and left, now it was just you and Gojo alone.

"What is wrong with you!?" You turned to scold him but he just laughed.

"Sorry princess but I couldn't help it" his smirk making you both turned on and irritated. Though right now you couldn't tell which one you were feeling more. "Just pull out so we can change" you pushed on his shoulder to put you down.

He laughed and slowly pulled out a small glob of his cum spilling out with him. You looked down and decided to not worry about it right now. Just as you were going to grab a wet towel Gojo stopped you. "I was thinking you keep it in" he cooed.

Your eyes widened in horror at his suggestion, now that could really get the two of you caught. But part of you thought you've come this far why not just do it. So you did getting dressed and pushing your panties up to keep his cum snuge inside you.

You walked out of your trailer and there were a few people around that saw you exit with Gojo but they didn't say anything. Just as you saw your manager you walked over to her, Gojo pulled you to his side and made an announcement.

"From this day forward this little cute is my girl" everyone just looked at the two of you in shock. You yourself were stunned at his words, sure you fucked him but seriously!?

He pulled you to kiss him in front of everyone before whispering in your ear. "Be mine and you'll be getting creampied all the time baby".

[elllisaaa]

Hihi , im not really sure if it would be ur style of writing but i had a dream abt it and i thought u could write smth along those lines(i think for this fluff would be good🥹 but if u wanna add smut is fine too hehe)

Heres the prompt:

Basically most of the days you would be hanging out w ur bff beomgyu after sch, just hanging out in each other’s presence is enough. You guys wont force a conversation if its not needed n sitting in silence gives you both a peace of mind.(thise type of fs)

But one day u told him that u were going to an event with ur girl bff , where she could see her fav artist , and you being a supportive bestie decided to go with her!

Somehow thru the night things changed and you ended up with beomgyu saying these words: “ It’s always been you y/n, my eyes are only for you”

(Not rlly sure if this is how a prompt should be(if im giving too much cos this is my first prompt) but i hope it sparks interest >_<)

hiii anonie !! this definitely so damn cute, i got a little overboard with this one but i love it so much, it's so soft omgg ! this definitely such a good idea i love it, and don't worry - the longer your thoughts are, the more i'm happy !

BFF!BEOMGYU who never stops annoying you every day, be it by sending you tons of texts or by dropping by your place when he's done with his schedule. well, you always claim that he's annoying but he knows that it isn't the truth and that you're always happy to see him.

"by the way, i will not be there for our movie night tomorrow, i'm sorry." beomgyu turned to you with a judgemental look on his face. "you're letting me down !?" you rolled your eyes as you threw one of the cushions of your sofa at him. "don't be so dramatic. i'm just going to a fanmeeting with one of my friend because she didn't want to be alone."

and even if your reasons were very valid, beomgyu couldn't help but be bothered. you always spend your free time with him, and it didn't even matter if the two of you just laid in your bed in silence, watching a serie while playing stupid games on your phones. it didn't matter because what he seeked was your presence, feeling you by his side. he loved to know that he could lay his head on your lap anytime and that you would drop your phone to thread your fingers through his hair until he fell asleep.

but sometimes, just sometimes, he wished he could be even closer to you. the type of closeness that would allow him to feel jealous about you going to a fanmeeting of another idol. the type of closeness that would allow him to kiss you, and love you like you deserved to be loved.

a pout was visible on his face, but what was even more striking was the slighlty hurt look in his eyes. and even if your best friend was always a little drama queen whenever you cancelled plans with him or hung out with somebody else, you never took him too seriously, knowing that he just liked to yap. but today, it seemed different.

beomgyu didn't want to separate from your warm body, but he still sat up, already missing the feeling of your hands in his hair, but his heart was hurting too much to keep pretending this time. it was nothing, he was aware, and he didn't have any right being jealous or feeling like he was. but he did, and he wished you would feel the same even if it was impossible because he was him and you were yourself, and there was simply no way that you would love him like that.

"why are you taking it like that gyu ? i know it's a little late to let you know, i should've told you before but it's no big deal, yeah ? i'm free this weekend if you wanna come by after practice, i'll even cook for you if you want."

beomgyu could feel a knot forming in his throat the more you talked, realizing how wrong he was for making you feel guilty about something you weren't responsible for. but the question he was dying to ask still got out of his mouth, the words coming out almost against his will : "do you like him more than me ? do you think that he sings better ? is that why you're letting me down ?"

his shaking voice made your heart clench, and you paused the movie that was now serving as a background noise, focusing entirely on your best friend and the way he was fidgeting, not daring to look you in the eyes but he seemed more than anxious, more than sad.

"where is that coming from gyu ? i've never said that. or did i make you feel this way ?" but beomgyu shook his head no. "you didn't. it's just…" he stopped for a moment, seemingly thinking about something before he curled up on himself on your couch, gaze fixed on the frozen tv screen. "forget it, i'm just being selfish."

the entire mood had changed, but you couldn't care less - you were only very worried about your best friend. "you know you can be selfish sometimes, i don't mind. tell me what's going on, please ?" and beomgyu finally looked at you in the eyes, biting his lips as if he was still unsure about what he was going to say : "i'm making a big deal out of this because i want to be the only one you're fangirling over, okay ? i want to be the only one you find handsome, and the only one you gush to your friends about. i wanna be the only one for you because for me it has always been you y/n, my eyes are only on you."

you looked at him dumbfounded, as you clearly didn't expect a confession, especially from your best friend. but quickly, a little smile spread on your lips as you reached for beomgyu's hand. he let you do that, and he let you pull him closer to you too, your face only inches away from the other.

"you've always been the only one for me too gyu, i simply didn't think that you would feel the same because you're always surrounded by the most beautiful girls of the country, so why would you choose me ?" - "because i'm in love with you, so in love with you it hurts sometimes." your smile was matching his, and you could see his brown eyes sparkling with joy again. "i'm in love with you too, have been for so long." - "does that mean i can kiss you now ?" you chuckled but still nodded : "yes, you can."

so beomgyu kissed you, and the way his heart exploded in his ribcage was only another proof of how down bad for you he was. and he didn't want this feeling to ever stop if that meant he could wake up by your side every morning.

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 16: Not Myself

Synopsis:  Y/n tries to make today the best it can possibly be…Even if that means pretending to be okay with it. Meanwhile, the boys encounter a very familiar chimera ant. But what's that???? Oh no! 😱😱😱 Could it be???? Childhood trauma 🫣

Silence.

It was quiet when Gon returned to the small home. Too quiet for his liking. He expected to hear you and Killua talking. To come back to your usual banter before you went on your date with Palm. But there was nothing from either of you.

He walked in further. A faint mumbling from your room at last reaching his ears. Maybe the two of you were in there? However it didn't seem likely as he approached your door. He couldn't sense Killua's presence inside with you. Then all at once you'd gone quiet.

Like you just now realized he was here.

Gon was by no means an idiot. Sure he had his moments, but that didn’t make him completely oblivious. Something had happened. Something had been happening judging by the way Killua was distancing himself from you and Gon. Never saying much anymore. Instead, observing from afar.

And now something was happening with you. As if your muttering hadn't already been an indication.

He gave a few knocks on your door before calling your name.

“Y/n!”

He could hear you let out a sigh before responding.

“You can come in.”

You were sitting on your bed when he walked in. The room being much neater than Palm had left it. But the room wasn't the only thing that was different. Somehow, you seemed less drained. Getting up and taking your clothes with a certain vigor that wasn't there before. 

Gon could tell immediately that something was off with you. You'd been dreading going on this date all morning, and now you seemed enthusiastic about it. Moving about with energy he'd never seen you have before.

“You were quick, you know that?” You said, giving him a pat to the head that was almost robotic. Not something you'd done out of affection like earlier, but because you simply had to.

Why were you treating him like that? Like he really was a little kid. The gentle inflection in your voice making him worry. The best way to describe it was a forced cheeriness. Except he had trouble telling if it really was forced. 

Then you'd flashed him a smile, but it wasn't yours. It felt fake. Practiced. Artificial from how perfect it looked. How wide and toothy it was. A small noticeable gap in the middle. Had that always been there? 

Your smiles, your real ones were always crooked. Almost to the point of being cruel. And they were small. Never stretching out across your entire face. 

But this one looked charismatic. Devoid of the usual tiredness you held. To someone who didn't know you, it would feel welcoming. Charming. But to someone like Gon who'd spent the better half of a year with you, it was anything but. Like a switch had flipped.

“Thank you so much, munchkin.” And now that he was hearing it again, your tone…. It was boisterous. 

This was not you.

It couldn't be.

You who was always tired, always snarky, always comforting…Were now upbeat and detached. What had happened in the 30 minute span he'd been gone? 

“You're acting off.” He voiced his concerns at last. But instead of reassuring him, you just brushed it off like nothing.

“Am I? I feel fine.”

A brief squeeze to his shoulder before you spoke again.

“Don't stress yourself out over nothing, okay?”

“Are you sure you're fine?” He didn't believe you for a second. 

You weren't fine yesterday when you came home. You were on edge. More irritable than usual with Palm’s presence. And now you were acting like this. This was not nothing. Maybe the stress from the Chimera Ants had finally broken you? Maybe it was something else? 

Maybe it was someone else?

“Never better. Now give me a few minutes to change and we'll be on our way.” Again came that smile as you ushered him out. The one that was the complete opposite of yours.

You'd closed the door shut once he was out. It was like you were hiding from him. Scared to be around for more than a few minutes. And before he could try to figure out what it meant, he was face to face with Killua.

“Oh, you're back.” His voice coming out scratchy.

Then there were his eyes, puffy and slightly bloodshot. He'd been crying. Gon wanted to question him. Ask him what was wrong. But he had a feeling it wasn't the right time. You were leaving in 10 minutes. If he asked now, Killua would probably shut down at an interruption. And then he'd refuse for it to be brought up again. 

He'd wait until you left to get to the bottom of this. But he knew, he was certain he knew what the reason was.

Something had happened between the two of you. 

And a fight was the most likely answer.

—-------------------

You weren't used to this anymore. Being so smiley and upbeat just because. Acting like you had it all figured out. And maybe you did when you were 7. There'd only ever been one goal at the time. One purpose. But you also had a home. People to connect with. 

Maybe that was why you were so damn happy. 

You didn't have to worry about looking over your shoulder. You didn't have to worry about food. You didn't have to worry about taking care of others. All you had to do was make the head of your clan happy. Appease him in exchange for everything else. 

But now you had nothing. You weren't wanted anymore. Maybe you never really were. Your life for the past twenty something years revolved around your usefulness. What you could offer others in exchange for normalcy. And the revelation had pushed you past your limit.

It left you feeling numb. You simply didn't care anymore. Whatever happened to you after this, it didn't matter. The brief concern from Gon didn't matter. The regret littering Killua's aura didn't matter. 

They wouldn't have to ‘worry’ about you ever again. So you plastered on a smile you'd long overgrown. A tone that was honeyed and eccentric. Movements that weren't slowed with exhaustion.

It felt like you were disassociating with every step you took. The person you were trying to portray had died 13 years ago with their sister. All that was left now was a husk. 

A coward, a disgrace, a burden. 

Something so pitiful and useless, yet it longed for a reason to keep going. A life worth living with people worth living for. And for a moment, it had that. For a brief moment, you had that. 

You were supposed to enjoy today. Make it worth it before you sought out ‘Father.’ But you were just floating by. Living because you had to. Treating it more like a chore than one last hurrah. 

Tired. You were so unbelievably tired. You longed for rest. And if it happened to be permanent, then that wouldn't be so bad.

You shouldn't think like that. No, you had to get through today first. 

The boys had wanted to see you off. Or well, Gon had wanted to see you off and Killua followed him. The boy in green seemingly oblivious to the other’s melancholy state. Had Killua not told him about the fight? 

A small part of you wanted to know why. But you reminded yourself it wasn't your concern. Not anymore. Whatever they chose to do next, it was no longer your responsibility.

A call of your name snapped you from your thoughts.

“Over here!” The voice sounded again.

You turned your head and saw what had to be the prettiest woman you've ever seen. Long brown hair with amethyst colored eyes. A black and pale-yellow dress with stockings to match. She waited for your response with a bashful expression. 

“Huh? I'm sorry, who are…” the words dying on your tongue as the realization came.

No way.

No fricken way!

But your eyes were never wrong. 

The woman in front of you was none other than Palm. They’re auras being an exact match. The only difference was that it was less intense than before.

You could feel your cheeks warm as she came closer. The heat rising to your ears at the small laugh she gave. This was really her? You were by no means vain, or at least you tried not to be. But you couldn't help getting flustered by the beautiful woman in front of you. Your facade momentarily slipping away.

“P-Palm?” You stuttered. Still unbelieving that she was the one in front of you. You could sense the discomfort steadily rise from her aura.

“Do I look strange to you?” She seemed to be second guessing herself.

It took you all but a second to gather your thoughts. Your radiant front returning.

“Strange? Not at all. If I'm being honest, you're absolutely breathtaking. My heart can't stop beating.”

But it truly did beat for someone else entirely. 

“Oh no, please stop it. You're being far too loud! It's just so embarrassing!” Palm squealed, hiding behind her hands. 

You gently coaxed them away from her face. Offering a smile that felt a little more genuine.

“Hey, don't hide away from me. I'm supposed to be your date, remember? And you're not the only one who's all dressed up.” 

Your cooing tone making butterflies erupt in her stomach. For the first time that day, she took a real good look at you. You'd been dressed a little more formal than she was. Wearing a nice button up with a pair of black slacks. Her previous worry replaced by a feeling of fondness at your effort. Then you'd extended your arm forward, offering a small bouquet of roses.

“These are for you, by the way.” You said. And her heart melted right then and there.

“Ooh, you're being too sweet!”

The interaction being observed by both boys with scrutiny. It looked like you and Palm were going to get along just fine. And it was bittersweet for the small assassin, who didn't expect you to be so radiant after your fight. 

A part of him expected to see you upset. You sure as hell sounded like it earlier. But another told him that this was probably for the best. He'd hurt you enough this morning. Said things he could never take back. And now it was time to let you go. Who was he to stand in your way after what he'd done?

But the boy in green had a different perspective. 

He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to feel relieved that you and Palm would hit it off. But it wasn't how things were supposed to be. You and Kite liked each other. 

You and him were supposed to end up together, right? 

It'd taken him and Killua a while to get used to the idea, but Kite was someone who'd earned both of their trusts. Who'd earned their respect. And the way he'd stepped up when you were at your lowest, it meant something. 

It showed that he really did care about you, and that you were finally comfortable enough to let down your guard.

You two just fit together in a way that felt too special for words. 

But the way you looked at Palm said otherwise. Your eyes so bright with a smile so big. You looked more at ease than you had with Kite. 

Then again, you hadn't been acting like yourself today.

Gon wasn't selfish enough to believe just because you and Kite had liked each other, you couldn't find anybody else. That you couldn't move on. 

But you and Palm didn't fit quite right together.

He and Killua didn't know her. They didn't trust her or know anything about her intentions. In fact, he'd almost been the one forced on this date. She'd also threatened the both of them several times. He didn't feel comfortable with you going out with somebody like that. 

When Kite had put up with so much to keep them safe.

He didn't like the thought of leaving you by yourself with her, but you were always careful. And he needed to find out what was going on with you and Killua. So he let you go, reminding himself that this was just one date. This was a favor, and you wouldn't be going on another one with her.

“We'll leave you to it. Have fun Y/n!” He encouraged before tugging Killua away to talk. Palm leading you away in the other direction.

He was immediately met with resistance from the small assassin. Killua pulling back and trying to turn his head to see you. Watching almost frantically as your figure shrunk smaller and smaller out of sight.

“We can just let Palm drag them away! You know Y/n doesn't fight. We need to keep an eye on them just in case.” He argued. Trying to justify following you around. 

Grasping at straws because if you were being serious this morning, it'd be the last time he ever saw you. The last time they ever got to see you happy.

‘You can't even fight anyways. You'd just continue to be a burden.’ The memory of what he said hitting him like a truck.

You weren't a burden. He wasn't doing this because you were. He just wanted to make sure your date went perfectly, so he could let you go with the knowledge that today had been your best. 

“They're getting away. We have to-” but Gon stopped him before he could finish.

“Why were you crying earlier?”

The question catching him completely off guard. His eyes widening as he tried to come up with something to say.

“What? Crying? Maybe you were just seeing things.” It was a very flimsy excuse even Killua didn't buy.

“Killua, you can't lie to me. We've been best friends for over a year. I don't need you to tell me you're upset to know.” And in Gon's eyes was an unshakable resolve. 

One that was saying, ‘it’ll be okay.’ That it was okay to trust him. But Killua was still too afraid to tell him everything. He wouldn't look at him with that same reassurance if he did.

“What happened while I was gone?” Gon asked.

Killua shook his head. His eyes brimming with a familiar wetness from this morning. 

“I can't say…. You'll hate me.” 

“I could never hate you. I promise.” Gon assured. Wrapping his arm around him in a side hug. Remembering what you said about promises and taking it with stride.

“You mean it? You won't leave if I tell you?” Because if you left today and Gon followed, he'd have nothing. All because he'd blamed you for everything.

“I swear.”

He took a deep breath before finally explaining everything.

“...Me and Y/n got into a fight this morning. And-and I told them I never wanted to see them again.” But he'd said a little more than that. Worse than that. 

‘I hate you.’

“I didn't mean it. But just look at them. They look so happy. Like it's a relief to never see us again.” You were happier without them. 

“I messed up….And I don't think I can fix it this time.” He admitted. Leaning into Gon and finally crying. Letting go of everything he'd kept bottled up today. 

“What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say when this is the happiest I've ever seen them?” 

“You say you're sorry.” Gon said, as if it was a matter of fact.

“What?”

“You apologize to Y/n. I won't argue that they seem happy, but something about it feels forced. Like they're pretending. So maybe they feel just as upset as you do. Maybe you’ve been too lost in your thoughts to not notice it. But nothing will get better unless you two talk about it. You know that right?”

No, he was wrong about that. Things would get better for Gon if he apologized. But for Killua, he'd already made his bed. When the month was over, he'd be gone. Bisky’s words reminding him that he was only burdening Gon by staying. And that was why he was in this mess now. Blaming you for that. He'd made it your fault. 

“It won't fix anything.” He said at last. He couldn't take back anything he'd said. He couldn't possibly make you love him again with everything he said and accused you of.

But Gon's persistence would win in the end. And although he didn't know it yet, it would be something Killua was eternally grateful for.

“Just try. For me, try.” When it came to Gon, he'd do just about anything.

“Okay. I'll try.”

—------------

How long had it been already? Maybe four hours. Were dates usually supposed to be this long? Were you supposed to be out the entire day? You didn't know, or rather you didn't care to ask.

If your date lasted a little longer, then that wouldn't be such a bad thing. However, you were more drained than usual. Using so much energy to look your absolute best. Expending yourself beyond the usual limit despite your tired mind’s protest. 

But so far, nobody except you knew the depths of your physical strain. You were always good at hiding how you really felt. Being taught emotions were a weakness from your former clan. Pitty, fear, burnout, and the like. All of it wasn't needed, with the exception of your determination to persevere.

You were currently at a restaurant with Palm. Nodding along enthusiastically as she told a story about her and Knov -her mentor. You could see her aura swell with unwavering affection when she spoke about him. There was respect there, yes, but it was mostly love. Infatuation probably fit a little better. 

And it had you thinking about why she was on a date with you when she seemed to love him so much. Then again, she talked about him like he was a light who shouldn't be dimmed by someone like her. Like he was too perfect to even approach. 

Maybe it humanized her a little bit. Letting you see her as a person with feelings rather than an unstable psycho. Because, despite your differences, you could understand her sentiment. Her reasoning with Knov. 

And why, you may ask?

Because it felt similar to yours with Kite. It wasn't quite the same, but it didn't have to be to relate to each other. You both felt the object of your affections couldn't possibly have feelings for people like you. It had led you to a realization though.

Fear of rejection didn't mean you shouldn't at least try.

You two should be here with completely different people. You shouldn't have to go on a date to feel wanted by somebody else. To seek validation from others. Although you'd been forced on this date, but that's besides the point. 

You knew how you felt and she knew how she felt.

You two weren't right for each other. So you asked-

“If Knov gave you a chance, would you take it?” 

You could feel her shock. Then her confusion. Then her embarrassment.

“I…I think I would. But he'd never, and anyways, I'm here with you. Let's just focus on each other for now, okay?” 

You could tell she was trying to be nice. It let you know she at least cared on some level about your (non-existent) feelings. You didn't mind all that much. And it gave you an out of she tried to ask for a second date.

Oh right.

There'd be no second date anyways.

Which reminded you- the boys had been following you all day. You could never mistake their auras, no matter how faint they made them. They were seated three tables behind you. Holding up their menus every time you turned around so you wouldn't see them. Something that normally would have a real smile tugging on your lips. 

But they didn't want you anymore.

They didn't need you anymore.

Why they couldn't just make this easier and leave you alone, you didn't know. Perhaps they wanted to make sure you actually went through with it. Or perhaps Gon wanted to make sure you were safe and Killua followed him. You still had no idea if he knew what happened or not. You had to remind yourself again that it was none of your business anymore.

So you continued on like nothing was happening. Giving Palm your full attention and then some. Anything to avoid the weight of your situation a little longer.

—------------------

A laugh. Then a compliment. And finally a smile. The way you were speaking with so much energy. It wasn't you. Gon was right, you felt off. Then again, all of it could've been genuine.

It looked like a weight was lifted from your shoulders from Killua's perspective. You were happy you were leaving. Unfazed from the argument. 

And it hurt. 

It hurt to see you were doing better than ever without them. The circles around your eyes ten times lighter. He'd never known you to be so talkative. So in your element around others.

Had they ruined your life by persuading you to stay? You were never like this with them. Had you always been this well off without the duo?

So full of life?

Would you even want an apology? Or would you say ‘Thank you, I can finally move on with my life!’ Treat the argument like a blessing in disguise? 

He just might break if that was the case. 

—--------------------------------

You'd been everywhere. A caffe, a park, an ice cream parlor. Practically going sightseeing in this city. Currently, you and Palm were walking through an aquarium. It was probably the first activity that completely wiped off your wide grin. Replacing your indifference with awe. 

You'd heard about these things from one of your older peers. The way they described it didn't do justice to what you were seeing now. You'd always wanted to go, but between looking over your shoulder and being completely broke, you never had the opportunity. 

Your eyes trailed after a sea turtle. Watching it zoom by and upwards. A small school of minnows following suit. You don't know when it happened, but your eyes had focused solely on the pane of glass that separated you from the marine life. 

You were used to seeing everybody's emotions. To sensing their intensity. From searing anger to the brightest joy. But you'd never seen anything like this. Pure content from every creature swimming by. A wave of calm undisturbed by fear or malice. 

You focused on people because you had to. You needed to know their intentions for your safety. You never bothered with animals. You weren't scared of them and they weren't dangerous unlike your own kin. You just never saw the purpose in doing it.

But now you did. It was a treat for your eyes and a blessing to your overworked senses. You don't remember the last time you felt this peaceful. If you were to be killed right now, you wouldn't have any complaints or regrets. You'd die in this blissful state without worries.

You barely registered the feeling of Palm resting her head on your shoulder. 

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” She whispered.

And all of a sudden, you weren't pretending anymore. 

“Yeah. This is always what I imagined I'd get to see with my eyes. The best in what the world has to offer. The beauty of life as a whole…But it's not all like this.”

Maybe if it was, you'd have lived a better life. You would've had a family filled with love and support. Kari would still be here with you.

“What do you mean?” Palm asked. 

Despite the bittersweet feeling in your chest, the wide smile on your face became more genuine. Softer.

“Humor me for a bit,” you responded before making goggles with your hands. Summoning your nen into them to create your spyglass.

“This is how I see the world.”

You placed your hands over her eyes and watched as the shock settled in. She took in every detail with wonder. The complete serenity radiating off of each creature. 

“You really see like this?”

“Most of the time. Some days I get overwhelmed and shut off my nen.” You explained before pulling your hands back, realizing you were a lot closer than you initially thought.

A bright hue overtaking her face, to which you responded by clearing your throat.

“We've still got a bunch of exhibits to visit. C'mon, after this I have a surprise for you. We won't get a chance to see it if we're late.” 

You offered her your hand once again. And to your surprise, she took it without hesitation.

—---------------

It was nearing the end of the day by the time you reached your destination. The sun barely beginning its descent as the two of you sat in a small clearing by the edge of a lake. To your shock, the boys were still following you. You figured they would have left you alone by now. So you decided, for the sake of your sanity, to completely dim your senses until you couldn't feel them anymore. 

You'd be vulnerable, but you supposed it didn't matter now that your day was drawing to a close. Whatever happened now, you'd be okay with. Come what may, you had no regrets. Or did you.

“Is there a specific reason you brought me here, or did you want to watch the sunset together?” Palm asked, her tone slightly teasing. 

You returned it with another wide smile. Trying your best not to show the strain that came with it.

“Well you see, I wanted to be a hunter once.” The words were almost painful on your tongue. Something you hadn't said out loud since you were seven.

“I knew an old man who was probably the closest I got to having a father. He was a real stinker though. A grouchy old codger. Buuuut he told me that fire flies were one of the most fascinating creatures on earth. Do you know why?”

She shook her head no.

Funny how you could ramble on now that your life has lost meaning. 

“For starters, they're bioluminescent. And I don't know about you, but any creature that can produce it's own light is cool in my book. Second, is the reason why they glow. Do you know that one?”

Again she shook her head. And before you had time to be embarrassed about what you were going to say, you went for it.

“They glow to attract mates.”

The sun had set perfectly over the horizon as if right on cue. Not even a second later had little specks of light descended down. Circling around the tall oak tree that was centered on the lake before a few made their way over. 

“I guess you could say love is in the air.” Ew, since when did you become all cheesy? 

You stood up, offering her your hand and pulling Palm to her feet. 

“Are you ready for your surprise?”

—---------------------

“How much farther are they gonna go?” Killua complained. 

The two of them had been following you all day and still your date wasn't over. From that small diner, to the aquarium, and now a forest. At this rate, he wouldn't get a chance to try and make things right until sundown. You and Palm couldn't possibly have that much to talk about. Nothing that should've kept you away the entire day.

“I don't know…But maybe it's time we stop following them around?” Gon suggested. 

And once again Killua was grasping for straws.

“I…Not yet. The day's not over yet. Anything could happen. And don't you think it's strange Y/n hasn't sensed us yet?” It was probably his most valid point of the day.

It didn't make it any less true though. If you hadn't noticed them following you, then there was a lot more you wouldn't notice. Or worse, what if you'd shut off your nen? You'd be completely open to an attack.

“Maybe they did and just let us tag along? When have you ever known Y/n to let their guard down?” Gon countered.

He knew how much making up to you meant to Killua. He knew how badly he wanted to reconcile with you. But maybe it was best to wait for you to come back later, instead of chasing you around. You could take care of yourself perfectly fine, and deep down Killua knew that. Gon knew that he knew that. Which is why he couldn't let him keep making excuses to stay. 

You two would get a chance to talk, of that he was sure. 

“I don't know. But I just don't feel right leaving them.” The small assassin said at last. 

“Look,” Gon directed towards the clearing you and Palm were in. The two of you sitting down and talking.

“They'll be okay.”

It was then that the weight of the situation hit him. 

What was he doing? Following you around like a little kid. You deserved your privacy. He'd already ruined your piece of mind.

'Stay away from both of us. You'd only continue to be a burden.'

It was funny in a way. He'd called you a burden, yet here he was like some sorta stalker, waiting for the opportunity to approach you. Bringing Gon along because he just couldn't leave you alone. Unable to tell him the truth about what happened. Why saying sorry wouldn't fix everything.

So focused on staying in both of your lives that he somehow managed to push the both of you out.

He let out a sigh before speaking.

“You're right. Let's leave them be. I'll get a chance to talk to them later.” He gave a tired smile that mimicked yours. 

It was then Gon pulled him into a real hug. Giving his back a small pat.

“It'll be okay. For now, let's go home.”

Home.

Except it wouldn't feel like one without you there. 

The two of them started their trek back. Much slower and a little more tired than when they'd been following you. The sun just barely setting before Killua sensed it.

The unmistakable sensation of bloodlust. Which meant… A chimera ant was near. Maybe it had already passed through? Then again, the feeling was only growing stronger. 

Damn.

Should they warn you?

No.

Palm would go berserk if they interrupted her date.

Damnit.

“Killua? Is something wrong?” Gon asked.

That's right. Gon wasn't able to sense the ant whatsoever. He wouldn't be able to fight either. Not without risking his life, and Killua promised himself that he would protect Gon no matter what.

“There's a Chimera Ant nearby. Damnit, and I can't let you wander off without knowing where it is.”

“I can defend myself. All the ants that came before weren't a problem. This one shouldn't be either.” Gon protested. 

But Killua just couldn't risk it. So much had already gone wrong.

“Just let me protect you.” His fist clenching self-consciously.

“Let me do one thing right today.” 

And for the first time in awhile, there was a strong resolve in his eyes. Burning with determination.

“Okay, but I won't run away. No matter what, we stick together.” Gon relented.

Killua gave a nod. Just in time for a figure to emerge from the underbrush. One they'd seen before, to their surprise.

It was the rabbit ant. The very same whose arm you'd broken back at the NGL. The one you'd shattered to protect Gon. And was that- Damn! A murky aura surrounded it. One that was practiced.

It had managed to learn nen.

“I thought I smelled humans,” It sneered.

The duo quickly took a stance, preparing for the ant to lunge. Instead, it only continued to taunt them.

“I remember you. That's right. You're those brats from before. It looks like your luck’s run out. Especially without that other human here to save you.”

Seems it also remembered you. Not good. 

“You two are about to get a taste of hell you're never gonna forget.” It continued with a smirk. Pointing at the two of them.

“Of course, it won't last forever you know?”

Killua could feel Gon tensing from besides him. If he lost his cool now, they'd be in serious trouble. There was no telling what that thing’s ability was. They both had to be careful. Size the enemy up before making any rash decisions.

‘Run. If you don't know what the enemy is capable of, keep your distance.’

“Where is that other friend of yours?” Rammot looked around before staring them down with a malicious grin.

“Once you tell me their location, I promise I'll make it quick. It can't be that far. They are your protector, aren't they?” 

Gon took a step forward, and Killua had to fight himself not to take one backwards.

“I'll just walk around making lots of noise and swinging your severed heads. And it won't be long before they come to find me. That's how humans are. Am I right?”

Wrong. You wouldn't come for them. Not anymore. 

But those words were Gon's breaking point.

“You won't lay a finger on them.”

Killua had never seen him this aggressive. He was sure without a doubt Gon would have given his life right then and there to keep you safe. After what happened with Kite, it made sense he'd be more protective of you. More pressured to make sure the same never happened with you.

But this was not the way to do it. And whereas Killua was flawed with overanalyzing combat, Gon was flawed with being too impulsive. Letting his emotions get the better of him. So the small assassin quickly extended his arm in front before he could make a move.

“Don't. Trust me on this, you don't stand a chance right now. Not without your nen.” He warned.

And before Gon could respond, the ant made a dash forward.

“Let's just test that theory, shall we!” 

—-------------------

You stood hand in hand with Palm. Guiding her to the edge of the lake. One foot on the surface of the water without disturbing it. And much to her shock, you didn't sink into the water. Then you took another step back, urging her forward.

“What are you-” She started. 

“Trust me. I won't let you fall.” You assured.

Walking on water. Quite the trick if you do say so yourself. You'd used your nen to form a small circle under you. Almost like a little shield to keep you afloat. And as long as Palm stayed in that same radius, she'd be fine. 

She gave you a hesitant look, inching towards you but not ready to take the full leap. You offered up another reassuring smile. Lightly brushing your thumbs over the back of her hands. A gesture that had her blushing.

“You promise you won't drop me?” She asked.

“Only a fool would drop a girl like you.” You responded with a teasing grin.

With that, she took her first step onto the lake. Staring back up in awe at you. Grabbing your forearm as you lead her deeper into the center. A flurry of fireflies surrounding you both.

You took that as a cue to use the rest of your nen. Conjuring up little instruments back on the shore. Two marionettes, one a jester and one a ballerina, began to play. A somber jazz melody filled the air causing Palm to look around.

“I thought some slow dancing would be a nice way to end the day.” You redirected. Guiding her arms to your shoulders as you placed yours on her waist. Swaying her softly to the music while she continued to look up at you flustered. 

“This is…I've never experienced something so special before.” Palm said at last.

You could feel affection swell in her aura, and you really didn't know how to take it. You were flattered but…Nevermind. You just had to finish the day. Get through this part and make it memorable. And then, you'd get the quiet you desperately craved.

The music had swelled to a part you remembered. It had been an oldie. But regardless, it remained something from the better part of your childhood. One of Kari’s favorites too.

“Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper I love you.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me.”

So you treated it like one of your favorites too. Leading while you danced. Every turn, every spin, every dip was precise in a way that felt effortless. The sun vanishing beyond the horizon and soon replaced by stars. The fireflies illuminated the lake, creating something that mimicked a fairytale. 

Beautiful and serene.

You wished you could've done more today. Enjoyed yourself more. God knows these would be the last memories you'd be creating. But you just weren't that person anymore. You'd changed. You would have liked to say for the better, but you were a fuck up everytime. Amounting to nothing no matter the outcome. You shouldn't have wasted the energy trying to keep up, but it's not like you needed it anymore.

You and Palm made your way back to the shore. All of your nen returning to you in a rush. Though you couldn't say you felt any better with it. 

Your day was over.

“Thank you for everything,” Palm started.

And so too was the pathetic life you lived.

“I really enjoyed myself.” She looked up at you with rosy cheeks.

“Me too.” You expected it to end there. Preparing to leave when what she did next caught you off guard.

Palm had leaned forward with her lips slightly puckered. Your reaction was slow, but just before she reached you, you'd leaned back. Placing your hands on her shoulders to keep her at a distance. Your face scorching hot as your mind raced a thousand miles a second.

She wanted to kiss you. And maybe you should have let her. It would have made the night all the more magical, right? But this wasn't just any kiss. It would have been your first. And you wanted your first kiss to be with….

An image of a certain silver haired hunter flashed in your mind. 

Your heart already belonged to someone else. Someone you weren't even sure was okay. Who you still had no idea about what happened to him. But you didn't mind. You'd wait forever if it meant there was a chance to see him again. Or you would have if your circumstances were different. 

All you could do now was hope he'd turn out okay. Continue living his life to the fullest. 

“I'm sorry. I'd really like to return your feelings, but I just can't. I…” I'm in love with a man who's probably dead. It didn't feel right to bring that up. Because saying it, meant you had to admit it to yourself. And you were the furthest thing ready from that.

“What? Why not?” You could feel her bloodlust start to spike. The feeling mixing with red hot anger.

So you brought up the only thing that could possibly get you off the hook.

“We're not right for each other, and you know that. You love someone else…and so do I. And that's okay. We had fun. We got to enjoy each other's company today. And that's okay, too. But just because today was great, that doesn't mean we're meant to be together.” Your words were cooing. Like you were explaining something to the boys.

Palm only stared at you in dead silence. Her anger retreating back.

“You told me about Knov earlier. It's clear he holds a very special place in your heart. Believe it or not, you hold one in his too. You're his only pupil. He practically lets you follow him around everywhere. And if he's willing to put up with you at your worst, that says something. Believe me, I would know a thing or two about that.” 

Because Kite had done the same. From your temper to your breakdown, he'd stayed. Maybe he liked you back after all.

“Don't force yourself to be satisfied with somebody else, when you could be happy with him.” 

You could feel her bloodlust simmer down until it fizzled out completely.

“...Do you really think…he likes me?” Her voice was shy, but it still had an edge to it. If you said something wrong, she'd snap.

And then it'd be back to square one.

“Yeah. Watch. He's gonna be happy to see you're okay. Now…Do you want me to walk you to your place?”

For the last time that night, you extended your hand. And for the last time, she took it. Her grip more assured and less timid.

—------------------

It was like Killua was stuck in time. Seeing the Chimera Ant get closer and closer with its fist raised. Its sights set on him. He willed his body to move. To dodge. Anything. But he stood paralyzed, preparing for the pain of a fist making contact with his stomach.

But it never came.

Gon had shoved him out of the way with a cry. Both of them toppling over each other and skidding a few feet. 

‘Run.’ 

Killua froze once again at the sound of his brother's voice. He could see that Gon was talking, but he couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear the concern. ‘Killua, are you okay? You have to get up. He's coming back! Move!’

He felt his body get shoved once more, except this time, Gon hadn't moved with him. Rammot lifting up his hand and slapping him without any restraint. Its bloodlust aiding in keeping him down. Gon was unable to defend against it with his own aura.

He was completely defenseless.

And yet…He was still giving it his all.

Killua could only watch in horror as he was tossed to the side. The boy in green trying his best to get up before Rammot kicked his stomach, once again sending him flying before his back made harsh contact with a tree. 

“GON!”

The ant turned around with a sadistic grin. Almost giddy at the small assassin's destress. Blue eyes wide with an oh so delicious fear.

“Perfect! That's more like it! That terrified expression! I love that one! Now I really feel like killing you! Haha!” It laughed out before lunging once again.

‘Run’

No he couldn't just leave Gon. He had to stay. He had to keep him safe. He had to keep both of you s-

Rammot plunged its fist into his ribcage. The force sending him back. If he hadn't been guarding with nen, his ribs would've been completely shattered. But he still couldn't find it in himself to get up. His entire being shaking with uncertainty.

‘Avoid battles you can't be sure you'll win.’

But he had to win. He had to.

“I'm going to crush you two into a bloody pulp.” Rammot threatened. His feet blurring at the corner of Killua's vision. One lifting up and preparing to smash his skull in.

Yet his fight with Gon wasn't over. The boy in green forcing himself up and giving the hardest kick he could to the back of Rammot's head. Following it up with a barrage of punches.

But thanks to the ant’s body armor and newly found nen, it hardly felt the impact. Instead turning around with a wide grin.

“Back for more?” It taunted, wasting no time punching Gon in the stomach once again. Watching as he coughed up blood before inevitably collapsing. Unable to fight through the pain any longer. 

The ant picked up his head from the ground. Staring joyfully into Gon's disgusted expression.

“What was it you said? I won’t be laying a finger on that human? How about I break all your limbs and make you watch as I devour their flesh. I’ll even save the head for last so you can say your goodbyes before I kill you next. Or better yet, give them to Pitou to add to their collection like that other human.”

Through his blurry gaze, through the immense pain, through every ache in his body, Gon willed himself to speak.

“How dare you. Touch them… and I’ll make you suffer.”

A threat you’d used many times. But somehow it felt heavier coming from him. A promise with the intent to follow through. Here Gon was, giving his all to protect you in every sense of the way. Here he was defending Killua even though he was vulnerable. 

A sun with light so bright, its warmth could reach anyone. 

A sun, being dimmed by someone like him. 

A moon who only thrived off of the light from the sun.

“Stop! You can do whatever you want to me, just let him go!” Killua pleaded. 

He wished you were here to protect them. But it was his fault you were gone in the first place.

Rammot let go of Gon's head. His body hitting the ground with a ‘thud.’ The ant turned to face him with a tilt of its head.

“Is that so? In that case, you'll be the first to die!”

Damnit.

God damnit.

‘When your enemy is unknown…' Illumi’s voice came again.

‘Run away.’

Hit after hit, he couldn't move. Getting kicked around the grass like a toy. Rolling to a stop before getting kicked once more. It hurt, but he had to endure it. He couldn't just leave Gon. He couldn't run away like a coward. 

‘Run.’

But every time he disregarded his brother’s warning, a searing pain coursed through his head. A stinging, throbbing pain. As if being stabbed directly in his brain. It was torturous. It felt neverending and he just couldn't escape from the agony.

But then he heard it.

Your voice. Your morals. Your encouragement. Your warmth.

‘You don't leave your friends to die if you can save them.’

The stinging sensation seemed to dull.

‘As long as you two are okay…Don't mind dying.’

It gave him clarity. 

You almost died to keep them safe. It was only right they returned the favor. Gon had already done what he could, so now it was Killua's turn to do what he couldn't.

The realization coming just as Rammot slammed its foot directly on Killua's spine. Again and again with a laugh.

“Now move! You can't, can you? Ha! Since you're frozen with fear!”

It gave a few more stomps before kicking him away again. 

“Damn. This feels incredible. Should I kill him or the other one first? Maybe savor both. I can't decide!” The ant rambled to itself.

“Damnit! I can't get enough!”

Killua got up on shaky elbows. Pushing himself up. He'd already made up his mind.

‘Run. Hurry.’

No. Not this time.

He could feel himself crying. Seems it was all he was capable of doing today. Blubbering like a baby because nothing had gone his way. He'd been such a screw up.

‘Gon…

Y/n…

I will protect you…because…’

“Because we're friends.” He was nearing hysterics. Standing up as he clutched his head in pain. A broken sob leaving him before he shouted everything out.

“Do you hear me, Gon? You're my best friend! And Y/n? You're my big sibling! And I'm sorry for all the awful things I said this morning!” 

It hurt. 

It hurt so bad.

His head. His heart. Everything. But Rammot only watched his breakdown stunned. Killua's destroyed expression sparking something cruel inside it.

“Stop that right now. Don't look at me like that. I can't hold it anymore. I'm gonna…Do it. I've gotta…”

The two enemies unable to hear the other through their own thoughts.

‘Run.’

Killua was fighting with his brother's voice. Through every wave of pain, he persisted.

‘Run.’

‘You can't tell me what-!’

‘Run, run, run.’

‘SHUT UP!’

“I don't ever want to lose them!” All he could see was the two most important people in his life. What he would be losing if he gave in.

‘Run.’

“They're my…”

‘Run.’

‘Goblins! The both of you!’

‘Looks like we really made them mad this time, Killua.’

‘Run.’

‘I thought you said you weren't our parent?'

'I'm not. It's called being a responsible adult. Now go and do one of those first things while I set up the bed. I know for a fact there's a 99% chance you'll throw down with the fitted sheet if you do it.'

'Come on, let's do what they ask before they decide to throw another pillow at you. And I don't think they'll miss this time.'

“They're my…”

His nails were scratching at his forehead. Completely unaware of Rammot's incoming attack.

“THEY’RE MY FAMILY!!! THE ONES I'M SUPPOSED TO PROTECT!!!”

He plunged his fingers into his skull and tugged. Itching at the part of his brain that hurt the most. As he pulled something out, he could have sworn he heard your voice.

“Atta boy.”

In a speed that rivaled yours, he dodged Rammot’s attack last second. Appearing behind him with a needle in his hand. The Chimera Ant baffled by his disappearance.

Killua couldn't help but lose what little love he had for his big brother in that moment. Laughing at the absurdity of what he'd done because you…You were nothing like Illumi. And he was a brat for making that comparison before. For even thinking it. 

“He got me. Damn Illumi.” But despite the betrayal, he couldn't help but smile. If this was what was controlling him, what was stopping him from reaching his true potential…then now he was free. Free to fight besides his best friend, and free to stop letting his fear of being a burden get the best of him.

He turned around to face the ant. Explaining what happened even though he knew the ant could care less.

“Why the hell didn't I catch this before? He planted this deep inside my brain.”

“Huh? What're you saying? Are you nuts?” Now the ant was the one stood still. Unable to process that now, it was completely outclassed.

“How were you able to dodge that?”

But Killua ignored the question. Continuing to ramble on before releasing his ren. One that was cruel and dark. Not malicious, yet just as cutthroat.

“Now go and tell the other ants…If they even come near us, they're all gonna end up dead.” He warned.

Rammot seethed with anger at his words. A weak nothing was threatening him? How dare this human mock him. How dare it even think of doing so.

“WHY YOU!” The ant gave one last lunge forward.

“That so? Fine.” Killua was at his limit already. Drained in every sense of the word. So without much hesitation, he decapitated the ant in one go. Glaring at the thing that caused him so much trouble.

He didn't have any more sympathy to give. He was done with today. Crushing the ant's skull in his hand like nothing.

“Who cares?”

All he wanted to do was go back home and see you. Apologize for blaming you for everything. Take back what he said about you leaving. 

Then….

The three of you could go back to normal.

You'd be the big sibling, and they'd be the little brothers. 

He wasted no time making his way towards Gon. He was out cold. Killua turned him over, checking for any major injuries. When he found none, he tossed him over his shoulder and started making his way back. Gon was hurt, but it wasn't something he hadn't dealt with before. He'd be fine.

Both of them would be okay.

But not without talking to you first. He reached the spot where you and Palm had been sitting. You weren't there. He hoped with everything in him that you were back at the small home. That you hadn't left yet.

So he set his sights there.

—-------------------------

Somewhere along the way, Gon had woken up. His grip tightening slightly on Killua before he spoke.

“Killua? Did we-”

“I took care of it. We won't have to worry about seeing that guy again.” He responded. Already knowing what was on Gon's mind.

“And Y/n?”

“They weren't at the lake when I checked. But it's fine. I'll see them at home. You just rest. You're body needs it after what you just put it through.” It was meant to lighten the mood, but he didn't mean it any less. 

Gon had pushed his body too far. If he were anybody else, Killua would have been pissed. But he was just relieved he hadn't sustained any major injuries. That he didn't have to leave him after all.

“...Okay…You're my best friend too, you know…” Sleep evident in Gon’s tone.

The words stopping Killua in his tracks. His expression shocked because - Gon had heard everything. He knew how important he was to Killua. 

“What!?!?” But Gon was already snoring softly in his ears.

“Hey! You can't just pass out on me after saying stuff like that!” 

He got no further response for the boy in green. So, with his cheeks red and a few grumbles, he continued on his way. How absolutely embarrassing. Yet it felt elating at the same time to know he was also important to Gon. 

All that was missing was you.

—---------------------

The lights were off. Which meant…You hadn't come back yet. Or maybe you'd already left. A feeling of dread washed over him. Was he too late? He'd never be able to forgive himself if he was.

The door was still locked too. And as he walked inside, it felt empty. He placed Gon down on the couch before making his way over to your room. He gave a few knocks, but there was no response. In a last ditch effort he opened the door.

Your room was neater than how Palm left it. Your bed was also made eerily to perfection. No sign of you recently coming in. You weren't here. And it was already midnight. He was about to leave when something caught his eye. 

Kite's hat was still on your nightstand. 

You wouldn't have left it behind. It was too important to you. Then again, you were leaving them behind…But Kite was different. He'd always been different to you. Try as Killua might, he couldn't help but feel a spark of hope that you weren't gone yet. There was still a chance.

He exited your room just in time for the lights to come on. Standing still anxiously as you finished locking the door, unawares to his presence. All your energy from before seemed to be gone. You finally looked like yourself. But it all went away the second he called out to you.

“Y/n.”

You visibly tensed. A brief flash of shock before your expression went completely blank. You weren't expecting to see the boys. You thought they'd be asleep by now, or at the very least out of the house. You weren't ready for another confirmation. More screaming and arguing. You should've been gone already. It was clear your presence did more harm than good.

‘I hate you.’

‘You're a burden.’

‘If you cared you wouldn’t have abandoned us!’

“I just came to get a few things. If you'll excuse me…” You did your best to keep your tone steady. Not to let anything show. But still his words rung heavy in your head. 

You wouldn't be dragging this out with a goodbye. You were only inconveniencing them the longer you stayed. Yet as you tried to push past Killua, he panicked.

“No!” he blurted out. Taking a few steps forward before he realized what he was doing. How this was already not going as planned.

“I uh…Can we please talk?” His tone was much softer than you were used to.

It had you eyeing him suspiciously. And now that you were actually seeing him, he was injured. Bruising accompanied by swelling. A queazy feeling settling in your stomach as you spotted red in the center of his forehead. The last thing you wanted was to appear weak at a time like this. So you turned your head away from him. An action that felt undeniably cruel.

But this is what he wanted, right? For you to stay out of his life. It was only common sense you should act like you already were. 

 “I have nothing to say to you.” 

If you'd been looking, you would have seen the exact moment his heart broke. You didn't sound angry. You didn't say it to be petty. From his perspective, it felt like you really were done with him. You'd already moved on.

And he just couldn't accept that. 

“What!?! Y/n please.” 

Killua had never felt this pitiful in his entire life. So small. He never expected to be treated like a complete stranger from you. You were his big sibling. But it seemed like all the warmth from you had gone and faded away.

Why was he staring at you like that? Like your indifference was hurting him. Why was his aura flooded with regret and sorrow? Was he second guessing himself after all? Or was this a test? A trick? A way to lure you back in, only to spit in your face once again.

Tell you something sweet to then accuse you of not being enough again.

That was it right?

He'd blame you for his injuries next.

No.

They were the ones who followed you.

It wasn't your fault.

So why were you blaming yourself? If you'd been there, would the results have been different?

‘You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep.’

But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.

The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.’

No. No it wouldn't have. There were just some people who you'd never be able to make happy. No matter what you did. And unfortunately, it was always the people you cared the most about. Your body once again shutting down at the thought.

“... I'm going to be late if I don't leave now. Can't you just write it in a note or something?” You didn't mean for it to be that harsh, but it was the only way to get your message across.

You were done.

And the longer you were pestered about it, the sooner you'd snap.

What was this? Why were you acting like this? Cruel. Detached. You'd wanted to fix things earlier, right? So what happened? What the hell happened? How far had he gone for you to treat him like this? 

He didn't mean it. Any of it. And he needed you to know that. He took a few more steps forward, tears once again brimming his eyes. How many times had he cried today?

How many times had been because of you?

“Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.” He'd said it. Gon said all he had to do was apologize. And if that still wasn't enough, then he'd do whatever it took for you to forgive him. 

But your response was the last thing he was expecting.

“... Okay…”

One word.

One single word that was meant to brush him off. 

And he couldn't help but become desperate for something more. A response that wasn't empty. That wasn't cold.

“Okay? Okay!?! What's wrong with you!?!? Don't you care!?! All you have to say to me is ‘okay’!?!” 

And the damm had finally broke.

“Tell me you hate me! That you never want to see me again!!! Just say something more than okay!” 

You'd opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to figure out something to say. You didn't want to argue anymore. You were tired of it. Tired of today completely.

“You're gonna wake him up if you keep screaming.” You gestured towards Gon.

An action so baffling, it made his jaw drop. This was it. You were officially done. But he wasn't ready to let you go. He couldn't stand knowing they mattered so little to you. He couldn't stand you not knowing how much you meant to the both of them.

“Like I said. I need to grab a few-” But before you could get the words out, Killua had rushed over. Wrapping his arms tightly around your middle sobbing.

“I'm sorry, don't leave! Please!”

Hug him back, please. He needed you to hug him back. To say things would be okay. He needed you to stay.

You placed your hand on his head. And for a second, he thought the situation would end there. That you wouldn't leave after all. It had him believing everything would be okay. That you'd ruffle his hair and make him promise not to say anything like that again. But instead, that brief moment of contact was used to push him away from you.

Making him stumble back in shock.

As if you were swatting away a pest. Like he was inconveniencing you by holding on. And that was what broke him completely. 

You were done with them.

You didn't have to say it for him to know…You hated him. 

He could take a lot of things. He'd endured the worst kinds of torture for years from his family. He'd been forced to see carnage at such a young age. He'd always been treated like some kind of trophy instead of a person. And he never once complained. He never once argued with what was forced upon him.

But this...This he couldn't take.

You pushing him aside to enter your room. Like you were dead set on being out of his life. So once again, he wasted no time clinging onto you. Feet almost dragging on the floor as you tried to move forward. Burying his face against your side.

“I don't care if you hate me! If you don't want me anymore! Don't leave! Don't just leave us here by ourselves!”

You'd placed your hand on his head once more. You were gonna push him away again. And the fear pushed him to speak from the depths of his soul. A plea for you to stop.

“I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear!?!? I didn't mean it when I said I wanted you gone! Don't-Don’t give up because I was being stupid!” 

Your movements stopped. Listening to Killua's cries in silence. Taking in everything. This was also a song and dance you'd done before. Love that was given, then taken for no other reason than because you'd messed up. 

Love you?

It was enough to break you too. An ugly feeling clutching at your heart. One that was tired of the constant push and pull between love and hate. Killua unable to know he'd resurfaced a trauma so deep and scarred from your childhood. 

‘You are very important, little one. So very gifted, and you never fail to make me proud.’

‘Taking the fall again? You know better than to lie to me.’ A slap to your face. Then another one.

‘My pride and joy. You're a one of a kind prodigy.’

‘Disgraceful what you've done. Forsaking the name given to you just to act foolish? Tainting the clan that graciously welcomed you with open arms. Your punishment is total isolation for a week. Now get out of my sight.’

“Stop talking. I know what you're doing. I'm not an idiot.” Your tone accusing. And before Killua could explain anything, you'd shoved him off of you once more. Now glaring with a look that could only be described as hate.

“What? Did something else go wrong that you want me to fix? Well I'm done being the fixer. I'm done with your problems always being my fault. You only want me here to have someone to blame, right?” 

You pointed directly at him. Shaking your head before you clasped it tightly in your hands. A cruel grin on your face while he saw you cry for the very first time.

“I didn't do anything wrong! I'm not perfect, but I'm not the cause of all your problems!” You hadn't been here today. It couldn't have possibly been your fault this time.

But maybe somehow it had.

“I didn't make things worse intentionally!”

It was then that Killua realized what was happening. He thought he had it bad but…you had it worse. His heart ached for you while you continued to break right in front of him.

“I told you-I told you I can't always get things right! But of course I'm older! It's always my fault! I'm the strongest! So everything falls on me when someone gets hurt!” You let out a laugh. One that sounded defeated.

Your eyes met his and you gestured to yourself frantically.

“Haven't I done enough for you!?!?” Your voice seeming to bounce off the walls. The space falling into silence.

They'd put too much on your shoulders. Or maybe the weight had already been there. Carried over from what you'd experienced previously. Now it was Killua's turn to try and comfort you. His turn to lift your burdens. But he didn't get the chance to.

“Why-Why am I never good enough?” It was a whisper at this point.

You weren't good enough for Reik.

You weren't good enough for Kari.

You weren't good enough for Kite.

You weren't good enough for Gon and Killua.

You will never be good enough.

“You are enough.” Killua's voice snapping you from your spiral. The very same words you didn't get a chance to say this morning.

But somehow you just couldn't believe them yet. Then you'd heard it. Her.

'I love you, you're here with me. You're safe with me. Let me protect you for now. Just until you get your strength back.'

He was trying, wasn't he? 

“Then why? Why don't I feel like it?” 

The small assassin was at a loss of words. Who did this to you? Who had ruined you so completely that you couldn't put yourself back together. He took a step towards you, but you'd put your hand up to stop him.

“You know what? I don't care anymore. Say whatever you want, I'm done.” You wiped your eyes and instead of going towards your room, you started towards the front door.

Killua had to try one more time. Now that he knew what you really thought of yourself. So he grabbed your wrist this time. Funny how now the roles were reversed this time. 

“Don't leave.” 

You tried to pull your arm away.

“We can't do this without you. We've only gotten this far because of you. You're- You're-”

It was hard to put into words just how much you'd changed their lives. How important you were. But he needed to. Especially now that you had stopped trying to pull yourself away.

“All my family has ever done is use me. They have this image in their head of what I'm supposed to be. What I'm supposed to become. But you've never done that. When I'm with you and Gon, it's like I can finally be someone I'm proud of. I've never had someone care about me like you. But maybe I've taken advantage of that. Maybe I've been doing to you what my family has been doing to me. Expecting you to fit this image of what I think is a perfect big sibling.

But you're not perfect. And neither am I. And that's okay. I don't want you to be perfect because then you're not you. You're not the one who calls us goblins or chases us around when you're upset. You're a stranger. I know I shouldn't have said what I did this morning, and I regretted it ever since. I do want you in my life. Both of us want you to stay. Please…” 

You'd collapsed on your knees crying. And he wasted no time kneeling besides you. Pulling you into a hug. 

“I really can't keep doing this. It's unfair when I leave, and I know that. But do it because I don't want you to get hurt. I'm not safe. I can't risk anything happening to you. I'd never be able to forgive myself if it happened again.” Losing another kid, it would kill you.

“But when you tell me you need me, then say you want nothing to do with me…it's cruel. It's-its-!” It's just like Father.

“You don't know, you can't possibly have known, but I've always been measured by my worth. What I'm capable of doing just for a moment of normalcy. Of being wanted. It's not your fault.. but I can't keep doing this.” 

You can't keep losing your purpose in life.

Being praised for completing missions. Then being hit for failing. Being told you were burdening your clan for making a mistake. Being isolated in the dark for messing up. Only for him to pretend like it never happened.

The constant push and pull of love and hate. Of being praised and belittled.

You couldn't do it again.

But kids tended to be unsure about their own feelings. You couldn't put it on them for saying things when they were upset. But goddamit, what about when you were upset. Who was there to be understanding for you when things went wrong?

Nobody.

You were just supposed to take it.

Endure it.

Killua hugged you a little tighter. 

“I didn't mean it.” He reaffirmed.

Your tears finally slowing down.

“We're your little brothers. And we love you. I love you. But I'd just like to know why you keep leaving. And if you're not ready to talk about that yet, it's fine. We'll both always be here if you need us. You don't have to bottle things up anymore.”

The same thing Kite had said to you when you lost control. 

And he'd meant it just as much.

Not a single trace of deceit in his aura. 

So you allowed yourself to believe it one last time. Knowing you wouldn't be able to take it if it wasn't true again.

You at last returned the hug. Engulfing the small assassin in your arms.

“You can't ever say those things again to me, okay?” Your voice was smaller than it had ever been. Almost scared with the slight waiver to it.

“I promise. I'm not gonna make you deal with everything anymore. If something's wrong, we'll deal with it together.” And finally he heard it for real this time.

“Atta boy.”

It was almost enough to make him cry again. That was until the couch started rustling. A flash of green peaking over at the scene.

“So are you two good now?” Gon asked.

The both of you looking over in shock.

“Hey! You heard everything again!?!? How many times are you gonna pretend to be asleep!?! You know it's very rude to eavesdrop!!!!” Killua scolded. His face a bright red.

And before he could roughhouse with the other one, you let out a laugh. A real laugh. Your laugh. And you'd finally given your real smile.

“Get over here,” you encouraged.

Gon bolting from the couch and stumbling over into one side of your open arms. You gave both boys a squeeze.

“I love you both, my little sun and moon.”

Maybe….

Maybe you were just about ready to tell them everything.

----------------------------

Not so Fun Fact #15: Y/n is very squeamish with touch. Especially around their face, due to what they experienced as a child.

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs @zellwa @rainbowpr1sm

MASTERLIST

An: Let me know which line hit you in the feels the most. For future references 👀👀👀. And by reference I mean to make Gon's fight absolutely devastating. Or just the final stretch of the Chimera Ant Arc entirely.

[furiousgoldfish]

As a kid, I used to believe that everyone had it worse than me, and it wasn't a self-imposed point of view. I was informed on a regular basis that I was lucky and had no idea how horrid life was for everyone else. I also was told how nothing good in life can come without the person paying for it dearly, or without the equal amount of suffering for it. So I always assumed, if I saw someone having it better very obviously, that there was a hidden amount of suffering I knew nothing about, and that would break me. And that I was luckier without that thing. And without knowing with what kind of pain it was paid for.

It was a while after escaping, that I started realizing that not only people don't have it worse by a large margin, but also that most people who have something I couldn't imagine, had it without any pain or sacrifice, but as their birthright. Family, for example. Friends. Human rights. Healthy childhood. Pets that are not used against you. Peers that don't bully, use or take advantage of you. Safety. Money they got from their parents as children, without having to work under horrible circumstances, that they weren't made to feel guilty for getting. And later, being able to work, being able to live pain-free, being able to live without having nightmares, flashbacks, and body that doesn't work. Most of what I've believed was a lie. There was a world of people who had things I couldn't dream of, who weren't hurt for it, who sacrificed nothing. Who could take it for granted.

It made me feel dreadful, the knowledge of just how disadvantaged, and naive I was. I didn't want to know that I had all of those things taken from me, that I was lied to and had everything I should have had scammed away, while believing that it was the only way. I didn't want this. I didn't feel strong for surviving without everything. I felt empty, robbed, helpless. Stupid.

And once I started noticing, everything became triggering. Seeing people use resources given to them carelessly, seeing them having people to rely on and people who will defend them, made me hyper aware of everything I don't have. Seeing people gently playing with their children would make me feel at ease for a second, because there was the relief that nobody needed to abuse their kids, and then later, I would break down just thinking how much it would mean to me if I had even a tiny little bit of that. If I had gotten one percent of that assurance, attention and gentleness, how it would have changed my entire life. It became unbearable. People became unbearable once the gap between me and them was visible.

So it became easier to be alone. If I don't see people having it easier, I can pretend that what I'm going thru is normal, and it's calmer that way. It makes socializing difficult, but being aware of how othered and different you are, is also difficult.

None of it was something I did to myself, or a result of any of my actions. I've been put into this situation without any way out of it. I know this when I'm alone, I understand I'm like this because of what was done to me, against my will. When I couldn't fight it, or didn't even know how to. I'm not responsible for this. But I do have to live with the consequences. And some of them are not fixable.

[cathyun]

distant

pairing: non-idol!kang taehyun x reader genre: pure angst wc: 0.8k warnings: heartbreak, lots of overthinking, just sadness in general, mentions of break-up summary: you were done pretending that everything was fine when you were perfectly aware it wasn't.

It started with the little things.

Taehyun's hugs weren't as warm anymore. His hands were barely even touching your waist each time he initiated a hug. He was quick to back away, ending the closeness as quickly as it started. It used to take longer, you noticed.

Taehyun barely invites you to go anywhere. You would've understood if he had a busy schedule, but unfortunately you knew him well enough to be aware that his job doesn't get that busy.

Taehyun's replies are much shorter and it takes hours before he responds now. Your conversation that used to be filled with sweet nothings and assurances that would make you sleep peacefully at night, now nowhere to be found.

His gentle touches, whenever you were nervous or feeling unwell in general, he was quick to place a comforting hand around you. But now he barely even looks at you. His hands anywhere, but near you.

And his kisses. What used to be something so full of love and passion, something that gave both of you butterflies and left you wanting for more, now felt so forced. It was as if you were only kissing to continue your act as a couple and not because it was a sign of affection.

It hurt you to see him change. It was subtle, but not subtle enough for you to not notice. You tried reaching out but he never said anything. He acted as if everything was fine, he has been for the last few weeks.

Tonight he laid next to you, an arm away with his back facing you. You're aware that he's there, you can see him, and yet your shared bed has never felt so cold and empty.

Taehyun had his eye closed, but he was anything but asleep. He could feel you moving next to him, careful to not shake the bed so much to avoid interrupting his so called sleep. The movements come to a halt.

He thought you fell asleep, until he heard suppressed sobs coming from behind him. His heart dropped at the noise, and yet he doesn't move. He doesn't look your way to cup your face and wipe all your tears away. He only listens, because Taehyun doesn't know how he'll act once he sees how much you're hurting, fully aware that he's the one causing all of your heartache.

This went on for a few minutes before your voice whispered. "What happened, Taehyun?" You silently sobbed.

This was the only way you could speak to him. You could never handle confrontation, specially if he's awake. So, you wanted to say everything you've been repressing.

"What happened to us? Where did it all go wrong? Was I not good enough? I keep trying to patch everything up with you, but I don't know where to start. Not when I don't know the problem."

He listened closely, careful not to make any movements. Whenever you sob pitifully, he kept wanting to hold you tight against his arms. But he restrained himself. If he doesn't let you go now, he'll only hurt you more.

You held your mouth with your hand, trying to stop yourself from making any noise. "Your love for me is fading, is that it...? Is that why you've been so distant?" It was the only possible answer you could come up at the moment.

You began to crumble, heart cracking ever so slightly. "I wish you would tell me. You're the only good thing I have, but do you even feel like that, too?" You sniffled, "I don't want you to feel suffocated in our relationship. You're probably only waiting for me to get tired and be the one to let you go, huh?"

His mind held so much protest, but his voice got stuck on his throat. You stare longingly at the back of his head. With a sigh, and once last sniffle, you said the exact words he has been dreading to hear. "I'll let you go tomorrow."

Those words made you weak. Thinking about it was so much different than saying it out loud, because saying it makes it real.

"Good night, Taehyun."

You move away from him, wiping the remaining tears from your face. They threatened to pour once more, but you don't know how much more you can let out before they run dry.

Taehyun finally opened his eyes, wordlessly staring straight to the beige colored room. He'll lose all of you tomorrow. With this information finally sinking in, his eyes were pricked tears, falling down his face. He doesn't want to hurt you any longer and doing this would make you free from him, free from hurt. So, he doesn't make any move to console your already broken heart and instead chose to lay still and pretend that he wasn't dreading the thought of tomorrow coming so soon.

Neither of you had gotten a blink of sleep that night.

[pinkydevil16]

JJ Maybank x reader

No one had expected JJ Maybank to have settled down, especially his friends who had known about his feelings for Y/n, a fellow pogue but they thought it would be a quick shag and then he'd have the feelings gone. Wanting the chase more than the prize, so they weren't surprised when they found them tangled in the sheets passed out drunk and naked the next day when they found it again they shrugged. By the next month when JJ brought Y/n flowers he'd picked at figure 8, almost getting beaten up by Rafe in the process as he stood with a massive grin as Y/n rolled her eyes and smacked him up the head for being reckless, they were confused. When JJ beat the crap out of someone for grabbing at Y/n they weren't surprised, he always protected his friends, he'd done it for Ki and Sarah before but this was different, the way he grabbed Y/n and checked her over. The change in his eyes when he felt the relief of her being unharmed, the way he looked at the guy on the floor, not caring if they were pogue or kook just that they'd touched Y/n. John B tried to talk to JJ, but he just gave a shrug and grin, they were having fun, nothing serious. Except that neither of them were sleeping with others, talking to others or entertaining anyone else, spending spare time together and the obvious looks between them that the other pogues exchanged looks at. 

"So...you and JJ?" Sarah tried to open the conversation, Y/n giving her side eye before looking away, trying to avoid the conversation. Ki nudging Sarah as they exchanged looks, not sure how to get her to talk.

"I saw he was talking to a touran the other day." Y/n's head snapping at that, scowling at the two as they smirked knowing she couldn't deny it now.

"Okay fine, me and JJ are...i don't know what we are but we agreed not to y'know...talk or shag anyone else. We're just going with the flow and enjoying what's happening." Y/n looking away as she pushed her hair behind her ear, wanting to hide her blush at the thought of her and JJ being together. It was still shocking to her, she'd expected to wake up alone the next day and JJ to pretend it never happened, instead he'd been a nervous wreck telling her he liked her. Neither of them wanting to admit they were together, it was something that meant everyone knew and it was terrifying to think that everyone would be in on the secret. They were care free, not feeling trapped or tied down but knowing they were secure in each other, knowing they were each others and that no one was going to swoop in and ruin it.

JJ struggled with wanting to call Y/n his girl, but he knew it would mean that she could be used against him, his dad had caught on at one point, making a comment that had frozen JJ's blood and terrified him. He wasn't someone who committed to relationships, he barely went back to the same girl and to actually be able to have someone, he didn't want to mess it up, his biggest fear to lose her because of his own stupidity. Wanting to protect himself from the fear of being hurt, he could take it physically but he didn't know if he could handle if Y/n decided he wasn't worth it anymore. Y/n feared the same, she liked JJ, more than any other guy she'd ever dated or slept with, more than she'd admit to anyone. She knew he wasn't someone who committed, she'd weighed up the pros and cons in her drunk mind and decided she could handle the pain if she got one night to indulge her crush. 

JJ wasn't having much luck with the guys, on the HMS pogue whilst the girls were at the chateau waiting for them to get back, and being on a boat with no where to escape meant Pope and John B could interrogate JJ easily.

"Alright, what's going on?" John B started, JJ pretending not to hear him until Pope placed a hand on his shoulder,  JJ looking around and realising he couldn't even swim off shore since they were along the marsh with only greenery around them. 

"Well we're on a boat, going back to the chateau." JJ tried to play it cool, he knew what they wanted to know but he was trying not to think about it, he wanted to ask Y/n out properly but was scared she'd say no. 

"Don't be stupid you know what we mean." Pope grinned as he looked at JJ, stopping the boat as the two sat next to him, JJ pushing back his hair and covering his face with his hat.

"Nothings going on, we're just having fun and-" John B throwing a pebble at JJ as he spoke, interrupting him.

"JJ! Come on we all know you're not just macking. You've liked her for years and you think we'll believe you're not dating?" JJ looking at his best friend with pursed lips.

"We're not dating...just yeah. I don't know, i want to ask her out but she likes that we're being casual." Pope rolling his eyes as he pushed JJ.

"You two aren't being casual, you've both stopped any form of flirting with others and you beat the crap out of Rafe for trying it on with her. That isn't casual, that's dating." JJ looking at John B as he nodded agreeing with Pope, groaning as he leant back not wanting to think about it. They were right, he was basically dating Y/n and he just needed to grow some balls and ask her. 

Y/n waited for the boat to come in, JJ jumping off and tying it quickly as he ran towards Y/n, both of them grinning but filled with anxiety as they got closer until they stopped, almost close enough to touch.

"I wanted to-"

"We need to-

"You talk-"

"You-"

"No you-"

"You go-"

Both of them laughing as they tried to talk, JJ putting his hand over Y/n's mouth as her eyes widened, his face flushed and body buzzing with nerves.

"I just...i need to say this or i'm going to explode." Y/n grinning as she nodded pushing his hand off her mouth as he took a deep breath.

"I like you, and i mean a lot, like i want to shout about it and make sure everyone knows. And i...i want you to be my girlfriend...but only if you want to, obviously." JJ waited for Y/n's response as she rolled her eyes laughing with a side grin, grabbing his shirt and pulling him into a kiss. His eyes widening as Y/n pulled back, smirking at him.

"Took the words right out of my mouth. So now that we're official...want to go shag on the boat?" JJ laughing as he grabbed her arm, pulling her past John B and Pope who grinned thinking they were going on a date. 

[headspace-hotel]

Personally as someone who experiences much more daily suffering than the average person I am deeply uncomfortable with the mere idea of "eliminating suffering" because it treats "positive" experiences like love and joy and happiness as more meaningful. In my experience this is done pretty much exclusively to the detriment of people like me.

Because by acting like suffering inherently decreases the value of someone's life you are implying that lives like mine aren't worth living. And maybe it's just me but I take offense to that! Sure my life isn't perfect and there are a lot of things I wish I didnt have to deal with but this life is mine and I'll be damned if I let other people tell me it's not good enough!

Humans weren't designed to exclusively experience pleasant things. Suffering is part of being alive! And I would not trade that for anything!

Ultimately its a facet of toxic positivity, and it makes me very very nervous. Because the people who are suffering the most always seem to be the ones thrown to the wayside for fancy little hypothetical "innovations" like this. Getting rid of suffering is quite likely impossible but that doesn't mean the people backing the idea won't just put on some horse blinders and pretend they don't see the people who would prove it didn't work.

I was about 12 years old the first time somebody told me I was too depressed to be around and it was catastrophic for my mental health. I just don't think that applying that on a worldwide scale is exactly revolutionary ya know?

The ultimate manifestation of this idea is in anti-natalism (people who think it's actively bad and wrong to have children) and people who believe in this idea are often actively pro-eugenics and just...anti-human.

"eliminate suffering" inevitably ends up at calling for extinction of all life, or at least extinction of human life, and there are people out there who think we should go extinct!...and I think we need to be firmer about calling this extremist and harmful, instead of treating it as a philosophical position to be considered seriously

like, even if voluntary human extinction just involved humans choosing not to reproduce, it's still going to fuck you up to go around looking at other humans and believing that it's bad that they're alive. yes, "existence is bad" I guess is one of the basic possible options to come to when asking questions about life and meaning, and I see how people start feeling like there is a "pro-natalist agenda" or some shit because it's something we don't really talk about.

but...believing that a universal genocide would be a good thing isn't that different from believing a genocide of one specific group would be a good thing.

And "no one should reproduce" is not really any better than "everyone should reproduce," because both violate the basic principle that other people reproducing is none of your damn business.

I am generally really uncomfortable with how so many environmentalism and climate change mitigation proposals focus on human population growth as a main cause of climate change.

There's no real evidential basis for the numbers that get cited as the ideal population for Earth, like supposedly 2-4 billion is the max the Earth can support if everyone lives a "comfortable middle class lifestyle"—What The Fuck Does That Mean? Where does it come from? Is it something we actually need or want? The vast majority of humans on Earth aren't living a "middle class lifestyle."

I want to see breakdowns of complex simulations explaining how much biomass the Earth can actually support, instead of arbitrary bullshit like that.

But from everything I've read, producing enough food for the world population is not even remotely a problem. Capitalism is the problem. Huge companies controlling the food supply and keeping the countries that produce food in poverty is the problem. Technological solutions are important but they will not fix the current problems, just like Eli Whitney's cotton gin didn't eliminate slavery.

Everyone assumes that the system is working as efficiently as it possibly can to meet the material needs of people, and that is so terribly wrong.

Anyway much of that was off topic but yeah, I'm not a fan of this line of thought and where it leads

[h-c-u]

And how to come home...

Summary: You are having a miscarriage during the Uranium mission and you do your best to hide it from your fiancee, Rooster. 

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x fem!reader,

Other relationships: father Pete "Maverick" Mitchell & daughter reader

W/C: 2.2k

Rating: PG

TWs: Miscarriage

A/N: Reader in this one is Maverick's daughter and they have a great relationship. He taught her how to fly when she was barely a teen, and didn't intervene in her carrier in the same way as he did with Rooster (that might or might have not been because of Iceman). He respects her and her skills enough to realize that she's a better fit for this mission than him, and even though it killed him to send his little girl on this type of mission, he did it because he had full trust in both her leadership and flying abilities. 

Masterlist | List of tags

It wasn't even a choice for you. 

After all those years of listening to your father repeating "Don't think, just do." there was no consciousness in your actions, despite them being perfectly calculated to the millimeter. You knew there was no chance of you not being shot down from the sky, but you just had to save your fiancee, there was no other option.

That's why when you saw him being shot down after he just saved you, you wanted to strangle him yourself before his body even hit the ground, which (fortunately) didn't happen. 

Somehow you've managed to bullshit your way back from the enemy territory and you were on your way back to base. 

It was just then that you realized that something was wrong. 

A sharp pain in your abdomen almost knocked you out, and Rooster just informed you that there were enemy planes on your tail. The situation was far from perfect, but you quickly glanced down to make sure, that you weren't wounded, but everything looked fine on the surface. Yet the pain didn't go away and you were sweating profusely. 

And then it hit you what exactly was happening. You closed your eyes, steadied your hands, and took a deep breath. If it was hurting that badly, it already happened. Right now you had to get you both home. 

- Y/N!?!?!?!?!?!? - Rooster's voice brought you down, and you quickly wiped your tears, pushing the pain as far deep inside as you possibly could.

- Masks on, we're pretending our comms are down. -  you've finally said when, and when the enemy's pilot tried to communicate with you, you just made a series of nonsense gestures that were supposed to mean that indeed, your comms were down. And when he tried to give you orders, you nodded as if you perfectly understood what he meant. It was pretty easy to figure out the formation when they started moving, so you fit neatly into the gap and steadied your stick.

- Hang on, it's gonna be a rough ride, love. - you've said quietly, and you just knew that Bradley knew something was wrong, but you were hoping he'll assume you're angry about him coming back for you, at least for now. Although if the roles were reversed, you knew you would have done the same... That's why you weren't screaming and berating him to the moon. You exhaled deeply to calm yourself even more. - 3, 2, 1... - and that was all you needed. You've swayed aggressively to the right, shooting at the first plane's engine, dropping it out of the sky, but you weren't able to get the second one as easily. He was a good pilot, you could tell... And you couldn't help but wonder if life wasn't different, maybe you two somehow could be friends, especially after you've witnessed that reverse cobra mixed with falling leaf maneuver, which was more than impressive. 

But everything ended well... Well... that wasn't true, not for everyone. What mattered was that you got to the ship safely, even if you had to land in the net.

After the glass dome opened, you were greeted by the cacophony of cheers and laughter, but you didn't immediately get out of the plane. Right now you were sitting in the small pool of your own blood and you just needed a minute, which would have been next to impossible if you came out to the cheering crowd. You saw your dad embracing your fiancee in a bear hug and you knew he'd be looking for your face in the crowd as well, but you couldn't face him, not yet. 

So you tried to get out on the other side, but you were spotted by Rooster almost immediately, and he run to you to embrace you, happy that you both lived. 

- Don't! - you said loudly as soon as he touched you. You didn't mean to... For a second, you were just as confused as he was. - Just... not now. - you added much softer, quickly unzipping the top part of your suit and pulling it over your ass, so no one would notice that it was stained with blood. 

You were definitely your father's daughter when it came to dealing with things alone, and there was a high chance that you'd surpassed him in that hyper-independence. 

You saw that Rooster wanted to question your actions, but he didn't, only giving you a small nod, assuming you needed a moment to process what happened and cool off. 

Getting to the claustrophobic showers didn't take you long, and as soon as you closed the door behind you, you started sobbing and hitting the cold metal with all your might, as if what happened was its fault when it was your own. 

You only found out a couple of hours ago, just before the mission, when those two lines on the pregnancy test stared back at you with a strength you wouldn't expect from a few pieces of plastic and paper. You knew that if you told anyone, you'd most likely be pulled from the mission, which would put the rest of the squad in danger. Mav trusted you to bring them back home more than he was afraid about your safety, and that was saying something. So you've kept your mouth shut. You knew that there was a very small chance that the embryo would survive all the machs and G's you'd be taking, and it was a coldly calculated decision. 

It shouldn't even matter... The embryo could not be older than 6-8 weeks and it was just a lump of cells. Logically you knew you shouldn't be reacting this way, but the hormones took hold of your body and you were standing there crying, sobbing, wailing, with both of your fists hurt and covered in blood. 

And then something else snapped. You've never got out of your flying suit as fast as you did now, and after it, you threw your helmet against the wall and almost tore the rest of the clothes from your body... They were suffocating you and you needed to get out. But you couldn't. Not in this state. 

You've finally run the water at the scorching hot temperature and got into the cabin, dividing yourself from your bloody clothes and the mess you've made with a thin shower curtain. 

You honestly didn't feel how hot the water was, but your skin was getting redder and redder with every second, and you just... needed to feel something. So you've stayed under the boiling stream, with your head pressed against the metal wall, watching as your blood mixed with water and went down the drain, until it was clear again, which took a good few minutes. 

It took some time, but you've finally calmed down enough to stop crying and you sat under the shower, allowing the water to burn your feelings away. 

After what was almost an hour, but you didn't know that, because time got kinda wonky, Bradley came looking for you.

- Y/N...? Honey...? Are you...? - the rest of that sentence got stuck in his throat when he noticed your bloody clothes on the floor and the red streaks left by your fists on the white door. - Y/N!?!? - he instantly panicked and you couldn't blame him. 

- I'm fine... - you've said quietly, not sure if he even heard you with the water still flowing from the showerhead on the highest setting. - I'm taking a shower... Please leave me alone... - you've added, your voice a bit more confident. 

But he didn't leave... Instead, he moved the shower curtain, and when he saw you on the ground, he instantly got next to you with his clothes still on and pulled you under his arm. He knew you far too well to believe that you were indeed fine. 

- What happened...? - he asked, pulling you closer. Your muscle memory acted faster than your brain could, and you melted into his body. 

- Nothing... - the lie burned in your throat so harshly that you almost choked. 

- The blood... - he dug deeper, intensely studying what was visible on your body. He didn't notice any major wounds besides your knuckles, but that didn't explain why the rest of your clothes were bloody. 

You didn't want to say anything... You honestly didn't have the energy right now. You knew Bradley wanted kids more than anything, and that he would blame you for your stupid decision and you just wanted to postpone seeing that angry disappointed look he'll give you, so you shook your head for no. You didn't want the hug to end just yet, so you selfishly kept quiet.

- Y/N... Should I get a doctor...? - he asked, not sure what else to do. He honestly wanted to help, to calm you down, to get you out of that state you were in.

- No, don't go... - you whispered. You weren't ready to deal with that part yet. - I... - you've started, but continuing was much harder than you expected. - I had a miscarriage... - you finally blurted out and felt him tensing against your body... 

- You are... You were...? - he didn't know what to say, different emotions bubbling under his skin.

- I found out about 20 minutes before the takeoff... I don't even know why I took that stupid test... - you honestly didn't know. Since you were only about 2-3 weeks late, and your period wasn't exactly regular, you just assumed it was because of stress. But then... This stupid second line appeared on that even more stupid test, and suddenly going on this specific mission became a choice. And there was just too much responsibility on your shoulders to bail. No chance that you would send them there with a different pilot, even as good as your father. You've all trained to work together well and that type of last-second change would have been disastrous. You were angry with yourself, but that didn't change the fact that it already happened and now you had to deal with the consequences. 

On the one hand, you wanted to apologize to Rooster... To express how sorry you were that you basically chose to kill his child. But on the other... You just knew you've made the righ decision because his life and the lives of the rest of the team were more important. 

He finally pulled you into his lap, fully embracing you in his arms, and hiding his face in the nook of your neck. 

- I'm sorry... - he finally whispered. - I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't share that with me. That you had to go through it alone... - that statement shocked you... No, no, no... He didn't do anything wrong... But before you were able to protest, he asked. - When...? - he didn't have to finish the question; you knew what he wanted to know. 

- It started when we were in the F-14, right before we got spotted by the enemy... - you finally mumbled under your breath, 

- Ohmygod... - he exhaled so quietly that you weren't sure if he actually said something. - While we were still in the air... And yet you still brought us home safe, to our family... - he wasn't screaming, there was no anger or disappointment in his voice. He just held you in his arms and allowed you to mourn in your own way, and only gods knew how much you needed it. - You will still need to see a doctor... - he whispered and you were only able to nod in agreement. - But for now, I'm here for you... - he placed a soft kiss on the top of your head - You can break if that's what you need... We're going to get through this... We're just going to have to take turns, ok...? Sometimes I will be the strong one, and sometimes you... And right now, it's my turn, because you got us home in one piece. I've got you... - you were already past the point of breaking, so you didn't need to scream, cry, or wail... You just needed someone to take care of you, and right now you had the perfect man for the job.