#noticing the gap

[furiousgoldfish]

As a kid, I used to believe that everyone had it worse than me, and it wasn't a self-imposed point of view. I was informed on a regular basis that I was lucky and had no idea how horrid life was for everyone else. I also was told how nothing good in life can come without the person paying for it dearly, or without the equal amount of suffering for it. So I always assumed, if I saw someone having it better very obviously, that there was a hidden amount of suffering I knew nothing about, and that would break me. And that I was luckier without that thing. And without knowing with what kind of pain it was paid for.

It was a while after escaping, that I started realizing that not only people don't have it worse by a large margin, but also that most people who have something I couldn't imagine, had it without any pain or sacrifice, but as their birthright. Family, for example. Friends. Human rights. Healthy childhood. Pets that are not used against you. Peers that don't bully, use or take advantage of you. Safety. Money they got from their parents as children, without having to work under horrible circumstances, that they weren't made to feel guilty for getting. And later, being able to work, being able to live pain-free, being able to live without having nightmares, flashbacks, and body that doesn't work. Most of what I've believed was a lie. There was a world of people who had things I couldn't dream of, who weren't hurt for it, who sacrificed nothing. Who could take it for granted.

It made me feel dreadful, the knowledge of just how disadvantaged, and naive I was. I didn't want to know that I had all of those things taken from me, that I was lied to and had everything I should have had scammed away, while believing that it was the only way. I didn't want this. I didn't feel strong for surviving without everything. I felt empty, robbed, helpless. Stupid.

And once I started noticing, everything became triggering. Seeing people use resources given to them carelessly, seeing them having people to rely on and people who will defend them, made me hyper aware of everything I don't have. Seeing people gently playing with their children would make me feel at ease for a second, because there was the relief that nobody needed to abuse their kids, and then later, I would break down just thinking how much it would mean to me if I had even a tiny little bit of that. If I had gotten one percent of that assurance, attention and gentleness, how it would have changed my entire life. It became unbearable. People became unbearable once the gap between me and them was visible.

So it became easier to be alone. If I don't see people having it easier, I can pretend that what I'm going thru is normal, and it's calmer that way. It makes socializing difficult, but being aware of how othered and different you are, is also difficult.

None of it was something I did to myself, or a result of any of my actions. I've been put into this situation without any way out of it. I know this when I'm alone, I understand I'm like this because of what was done to me, against my will. When I couldn't fight it, or didn't even know how to. I'm not responsible for this. But I do have to live with the consequences. And some of them are not fixable.

[fantasykiri5]

RIZ “THE BALL” GUKGAK EVERYBODY 👏👏👏👏👏

(Transparent vers under the cut)

[prince-kallisto]

I wholeheartedly believe that Crowley deserves a little treat \(//∇//)\ This is based off this post where we found out that there may be implications that Crowley wanted to cook and eat Grim lol

⚠️ No Grims were harmed in the making of this drawing!⚠️ Only Crowley, who received a scratch on his face…I wonder why??? 🥲

[khathastrophe]

Personality traits: be ally and love wife

[oifaaa]

On the topic of reverse batkids / reverse robin aus I do find it really interesting how common it is to see people minimise the age gaps between the 4 main boy robins or just have the big age gap be between Tim and Jason considering the age gap in canon is mostly between Dick and Jason (8 years between them) and Tim and Damian (7 years between them)

[breakitoutwildbreak]

I can’t decide whose thighs are more superior…

[abrilstevens]

Sam in black + Mon in pink, requested by anonymous

[mokutone]

i wanted to see what a piece would look like if i finished it in my three main mediums, pencil, ink, and watercolor (+colored pencils) >:*)

[boyslovegirlslove]

Gap The Series — Episode 8 (YouTube)

[theneighborhoodwatch]

*thinking emoji*

it's been pointed out before that almost every neighbor Conveniently has a backstory that involves them having existed Somewhere Else before they arrived in home... but it seems unlikely that those backstories are the whole truth. i think the question here is whether or not they are Mostly true and it's a matter of lying by omission OR if they were fabricated entirely. or in other words: is there a world out there in that plane of existence that home keeps its population isolated from as a result of human interference (i.e. the show)? or are they all just Completely made up and home is all there is. what does it mean if some backstories are more vague than others? alternatively: it's an "it's a good life" by jerome bixby situation and there Used to be a world outside of home, but well. Not Anymore.

also - i know i've ragged on this idea before for being overplayed as fuck in puppet horror - but i have to admit that the idea of there being Some kind of haunting/possession/transmutation bullfuckery is becoming more plausible. something something dehumanization/erasure of one's identity for the convenience of the status quo being taken to its logical extreme. that said i'm still banking on them having Always been puppets for various reasons so i'm putting that theory on the "FINE i GUESS i can roll with it if it ends up being canon" shelf for now. alternatively: some kind of SOMA-esque situation where a base personality/set of traits is derived from a human puppeteer but bc of the environment/being at the jurisdiction of the studio/having totally different memories, they develop in Radically different ways than their source? so many possibilities...

[hyperfixatinator]

I've seen headcanons of Phoenix Wright having heterochromia; either due to him being born with it or due to head trauma via fire extinguisher in AA2. They often come with headcanons of why he'd hide them with colored contacts, of course.

But I haven't heard anyone bring up the headcanon of Phoenix's eye turning blue because of Dahlia's bottle pendant.

First off, the poison Dahlia used had possible side effects including loss of pigmentation and eye damage. This is evident in Diego Armando's hair turning white and vision problems.

Fun fact: blue eyes aren't caused by blue pigmentation. In fact, they have little to no pigmentation at all. The blue we see is just light reflecting weirdly until only blue light is all we perceive from them.

Secondly, the poisoned pendant Phoenix ate in Turnabout Memories was empty at the time, but the risk of it containing leftover traces was very real. He even chewed it, raising the chances of those traces entering his system.

Diego had a significantly higher dose than Phoenix, but let's not forget Dahlia had faith that 1 contaminated pill of Cold Killer X would do the trick. Even if there was less than a drop remaining in that bottle, it had the potential to at least do some damage.

Damage that could result in the loss of pigmentation in someone's eyes.

[prettycoolducks]

just finished playing portal revolution. I like evil science lady and her rabid vacuum cleaner

[tswwwit]

You're amazing and I love this world you've create. And I love overanalyzing your Bills through the details you've left in your stories. (I've anonymously sent the few theories that I was like 95% confident in and it brings me joy receiving author approval 🤗) This one I haven't figured out so I thought I'd just ask. How similar are other Bill and pre Dipper Bill? And at what point did they diverge?

That's a very interesting question!

Hmmm. At this point they're quite different Bills, but exactly when that started is a good question.

But it definitely goes back further than just Meeting Dipper.

For one, the whole 'world conquering' attempt on Our Bill's part failed miserably about, what, 40ish years ago? After which he had all those decades to sulk and stew in said faceplant of a plan. Meanwhile, Other Bill likely already had his conniving fingers in his own chosen terrestrial pie at that point. He wouldn't get ALL the way there for a while, but hey - he did get what he wanted!

So there's a period of time there where they were already starting to go different ways. What with Other Bill being successful in his plan, while Our Bill got Totally Exiled until an adorable accidental summon opened up a path - those different end states are the result of a million little different decisions they made. Whether they went to this party or that one, the ideas that they pursued on whims, the specifics they wanted for Earth, etc.

I'd guesstimate they started diverging anywhere from a hundred years back to a couple hundred. That's a minimum, though - it could be longer! Whatever it is, it's a quite a grip of time for humans - but not all that much for a Bill.

[umblrspectrum]

mspaint is so fun when i've got no fucking idea what im doing

[vickyvicarious]

May 18, short and bitter!

There are three options for the gap between the entry of May 16 and now, and they're all painful in different ways.

Jonathan did not go and look at the door right away. This would go against his usual instincts to double-check as soon as possible in order to confirm what he has seen. I mean, he still does fairly quickly, but the day's gap is notable. If he really avoided it for a day, then that must speak to how absolutely terrified he was by the thought of being found out. He actually was willing to sit even longer in that uncertainty about his own insanity rather than know for certain (either outcome: that he's lost his mind, or that he is surrounded by supernatural creatures who want to drink his blood and Dracula is his safe haven). It really really drives home his fear. Jonathan went to look as soon as possible. He is so brave and so afraid of the uncertainty, of losing his sanity on top of everything else. He needs to know immediately, not only because of his own feelings on the matter (or perhaps despite them), but because this proof is a vital element in determining what he does next. It changes the situation completely - yes, for the worse, but what does that mean for his efforts to explore and escape? If he doesn't know then he might put himself in danger again. Furthermore there might be an element of him fighting against time, knowing now that he could die even sooner than he feared before, and wanting to ensure his diary is as complete and accurate a record as possible if that does happen. Sure, he has no way of getting it into anyone's (Mina's) hands but he still is trying to document all of this just in case as well as for his own sanity.

Now, Jonathan says he wrote that last entry "the morning of 16 May", meaning the incidents happened late in the night-early in the morning before dawn. If he hasn't been able to go look at the room until now, basically two days later (one full day gap but also the rest of the day of the 16th), there are a couple explanations:

He was physically unable to go there. Whether that means that he was too weak from being drinked by Dracula if you think that happened, or if he descended into a panic attack or something and lost control over his body for hours, or if he was just so sleep-deprived that he only managed to write that last entry and then passed out for most of the day, or even if you think Dracula magically encouraged him into a deeper/longer sleep... however you slice it he wasn't able to get there before dark. And then something prevented him again for the next day as well.

Dracula didn't leave him alone long enough to try. We know the Count prefers to be awake at night, but he can stay awake into the daytime. Maybe in the aftermath of this attack, he has been sticking to Jonathan's side. On the one hand this keeps him safe from the vampire ladies coming back right away, on the other it gives Jonathan little-to-no time to process anything without being forced into the company of his captor right after the assault/invasion of last night, and he has to just suppress how he feels and play along. Of course this can be combined with the previous option, if Jonathan slept away most of the 16th and then Dracula hung out with him on the 17th (the parts he was awake for given he's been on a mostly nocturnal schedule).

The final option, frightening in its own way, is that Jonathan is losing track of time. Maybe he wrote the last entry thinking he had awoken the next morning, but later realized that he had actually slept for a full day and was writing on May 17th. Maybe he's so messed up by the nocturnal schedule that what he said was 'morning' turned out to be much later in the day, too. If the weather were very gray and cloudy it might be harder to tell exactly where the sun is. And this would go well with Dracula failing to wind up Jonathan's watch, which was a literal if smaller-scale example of Jonathan losing access to certainty about where he is in time.* Of course, Jonathan can try and figure it out by looking at whatever signs he can spot out the window to establish rough time of day, even if not immediately. But if he's lost track of the date he has no one to rely on but Dracula, who could very well lie to him if he felt like it. The uncertainty about time could reflect further fears of going mad as well.

*I especially love the detail of the watch when thinking along these lines because there's a lot more going on too. Symbolically, his 'modernity' (the watch) has been messed up/rendered uncertain (this goes for both his experiences and his worldview) by his encounter with 'powers of the old centuries' (vampire ladies/Dracula) and while he can try to gather himself back up and keep going (wind his watch up again), he's now lost his way and can't be certain of his position or what to do (if he's on accurate time/when to set it exactly - and in more removed symbolism, if he has been irrevocably trapped by these old powers/how he can ever fight them).

[erkageka]