#Emotional misalignment

[chichayuen]

I'll be there, Always.

₊˚︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿˚₊

🍰PAIRING: [LADS] Caleb x fem!reader word count: 3.5k 🍓GENRE: Slow-burn, Angst, Hurt/Comfort 🍎SYNOPSIS: A slow-burn of childhood friendship, unspoken longing, and bittersweet of growing up. 🎀TAGS: Unspoken feelings, frustration over mixed signals, unspoken insecurities, drifting away, mutual but unconfessed feelings 💌A/N: I used the 3rd perspective just to make the story more emotionally convincing. This is mainly focused on Y/N... She/her pronouns too! Sorry :( I decided to post this first part since I have already proofread it. Grammars still suck though :( AND CALEB might be OOC, but that's how I imagine him in a situationship haha FIRST FANFIC BTW!! LET'S GOOOOO ALSO!! Listen to Niki's version of "You'll be in my heart" (in loop) as you read this first part. This story was inspired by it!

₊˚︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿˚₊

The rain kept pouring, hitting against all the windows they had in their home. The rain’s patter was as soft as a wish fading before it was spoken. What wishes could be made though? They’re already living a life filled with contentment. Y/N never wishes to change something. She already has a home, a meal to eat every day, an old woman to look after her… and better, Caleb. It wasn’t that long enough to have him for herself. In some ways, he was always there- like an overworked, lone officer on duty, protecting her as if she were his last safe place.

Soon enough, a deep, rolling growl rumbled from outside, making her whimper softly in fear. There was no way that she could be facing the thunder- she was still just a little girl... Who would stand up bravely before the wrath of the gods?

Those sounds made it seem as if the gods hated her, causing her tears to fall out of her eyes. “Come on, N/n,” Caleb looked at her with worried brows and a small smile. His patience never wavered when it came to her. “You have to face it again.” He turned away slightly, worry flickering in his eyes as he glanced toward the door. He could hear his friends being loud outside on the street, caught in the rain.

Y/N felt her soft cotton sweater tugged by the hem of her sleeve. “I’m here this time, okay? If you want to come with me and play outside, you have to face the thunder,” he encouraged her while focusing back on her, giving her another slightest tug.  “Trust me pip, we may be small… but we are here to conquer the world! Nothing can stop us, remember?”

She was still pouring tears, sobbing as her mouth quivered, letting out soft gasps that should have been words meant for him instead. She could only utter, “The thunder can stop me, Caby… I-I’m still scared.”

Caleb winced internally in response. He hadn’t meant to accidentally trap her in the attic weeks ago while he was out there protecting her… or rather, forgetting to let her out while having his own adventure with his supposed “bullies”. His hands reached out to her chubby and soft reddened cheeks, with traces of tears on them.  “You were brave, Pipsqueak. Even if I found you curled up in the corner, you managed to protect yourself without me.” Caleb then wiped her tears. “You’ll be okay. Caleb trusts you more than himself.”

Then, Y/N embraced him slowly, hooking her arms firmly from below and over his shoulders, pulling him in as if he might disappear. Caleb is slightly taken aback, yet his gaze softens from familiarity. He buried his face into her hair, his hands steady there as well, vowing to the universe to protect her. That’s all he needed to prove his enduring love for her.

From that embrace, he found himself with a determined resolve. He slowly leaned back, his hands slipping to her shoulders as hers fell limply to her sides. “Listen, Pip,” He grinned, showing his missing tooth. “You don’t have to force yourself out there… If you need me beside you, I’ll guarantee to keep you safe.” Caleb took a step back and lifted his hand for her. “But if my pipsqueak needs me now and forever, then… the mighty Caleb chooses to be with her.”  When Y/N placed her palms on top of his, he continued, “After all, I promised to be there for her.”

“And… I won’t go outside this time, well—for now. You don’t want me getting sick from the rain, right?” He said with a chuckle, pulling Y/N alongside him as they went further back into the house, ditching his friends who were still playing outside in the rain.

✿　.　˚　. 　 ˚　✿.

The rain had long passed, but Caleb never did. Even after all these years, he was still her protector, her best friend— the same boy who once held her close during thunderstorms, whose hands wiped away her tears, and whose presence made the world feel a little less frightening. Yet, somewhere along the way, he became more aware—more cautious as soon as it was about Y/N. It didn’t feel right to her at least, he was never the type of guy who would isolate himself. Even if he was, she couldn’t figure out the reasons why he would.

In the classroom, his voice blended with the buzz of laughter and casual banter. His placement was 2 columns apart, with two chairs sharing one table at every column for seating arrangement. Y/N glanced at his desk, surrounded by a familiar crowd, who were the same people who sought him out for jokes, favors, and companionship— in short, he was quite well-known.

Y/N sat on her chair, her eyes drawn to him as if he were the only light in the building. He shines so brightly like the sun, making his presence impossible to ignore. It was the same light he carried as a boy, the one that had never dimmed, no matter how much he grew.

She watched the way he leaned against his desk, crossing his arms, flashing a grin that pulled at the corners of her memory. There he was—the boy who once smiled through missing teeth. Funny, isn’t it? Back then, he would grin without a hint of shame, gaps and all, while never caring what anyone thought.

She sighed, propping her cheek against her palm, her eyes narrowing with a deep, aching sense of yearning. How could he be so painfully close, yet so distant when he was with others?

Then, Y/N saw the way he casually brushed his hair back— a small, thoughtless gesture that somehow made her heart tighten. She was used to seeing him loud and carefree with everyone, brimming with confidence, especially with her. But watching him grow shy over something she couldn’t even hear from afar made her feel as though she was missing out on a part of him.

Y/N tucked her hands beneath her desk, clenching them slightly as if she could hold on to the version of him she once knew… the boy who shielded her from everything. But now, whenever his eyes met hers, they were filled with different kinds of worrying ones she couldn’t quite understand. How was it any different from the way he looked at her when they bantered at home? Why did it suddenly feel more hesitant? Was she… someone to be ashamed of?

But she shook the thoughts away with a sigh, all conflicted again. She knew better than to assume so quickly.

“Y/N,”

Zayne’s voice cut through her thoughts, pulling her back to the earth. Thank God for making him her seatmate. Zayne was also her childhood best friend, having to grow up with her and Caleb. Although he appeared later in their lives, he fit in effortlessly. He brought his wit, aloof demeanor, and sharp-minded seriousness into their little trio.

Y/N turned her head toward him, raising a brow in confusion as to why he called her name. “I’m already sensing something,” Zayne muttered with a sigh. “Something you need to address.”

And she knew exactly what he meant.

Zayne had always seen through her; he knew about her longing for Caleb. He had heard it all: the times she missed him, the way she gushed about how cute he looked whenever he bragged about her, and how she wished they could go back—back to the days when they were just kids. Back when Caleb’s attention felt different... much warmer like he was shielding her from the entire world’s coldness.

But now, even when Caleb offered her extra care, it no longer had the same spark. He was still there, but he no longer held her like she was his only princess.

He simply stared at her for a moment before adjusting his glasses. “I heard he’s planning to become a pilot,” he said casually, but the weight of his words hung between them. It was a reminder of the inevitable that soon enough, they would separate and go their own ways.

Y/N always hated the thought of it. She never wanted this to end, never wanted him to leave.

She slowly lifted her head once again, unable to resist stealing another glance at Caleb. And by chance, their eyes met.

For a fleeting moment, her breath caught in her throat. She expected him to smile—to flash her that familiar, easy grin he always saved just for her. The one that felt like home. But this time, he didn’t.

Instead, his gaze faltered, dropping down to his desk. His brows furrowed in some sort of regret while his fingers absently traced the edge of his notebook as if he were suddenly too restless to meet her eyes. The friends chattering near him faded into background noise, yet he paid them little attention.

That stung more than it should have been.

Because in that brief exchange, she felt him slipping away, and she didn’t know how to hold on.

Will he still protect her like he always wanted to?

Y/N turned back to Zayne, her eyes clouded with disappointment and a deep sense of failure. “Zayne…” she murmured, her voice trembling slightly, thick with hurt and longing.

He met her gaze with his expression softening. Without a word, he gave her a reassuring nod as his hand gently patted her head. His small gesture was meant to ease the ache he knew too well.

“We still have time,” he whispered softly. But even if he said it, neither of them was sure if they believed it.

✿　.　˚　. 　 ˚　✿.

During lunch, Caleb casually made his way to Zayne and Y/N. After all, they were his original friends. He grew up with them, so it was normal to join them from time to time despite being popular. The surroundings were lively and bustling, filled with laughter and cheerful conversations.

Caleb noticed that one stood out, which was Y/N’s downcast look.

She sat there, unusually quiet, with her eyes staring absently at her lunch.

“So,” Zayne began calmly, his gaze cutting towards Caleb with subtle curiosity.

Y/N, still seated beside Zayne, stiffened slightly when Caleb slid into the empty chair in front of them. She perked up the moment she caught Zayne’s voice and attention—it was her cue. He was lowkey eager to hear her continue the conversation.

Taking the chance, she said, “I almost forgot,” with a soft chuckle, though her voice held a faint strain. She placed her lunch aside, reaching into her bag for her notebook.

Once the notebook was in her hands, she turned to Caleb as her eyes turned slightly hopeful. “Caby, I need some small lectures in this… particular—” she flipped the pages open, revealing a mix of notes from other subjects. “…lesson,” she then finished softly.

Caleb’s curiosity was piqued as he glanced at her with his brow slightly furrowed. Then, Y/N slid her notebook close to him, her fingers pointing at a familiar physics lesson.

“That one? Sure, when we get home,” he replied with a casual shrug, though his face was casual, nothing to offend or doubt her thoughts of him.

Y/N nodded subtly in response, a small smile tugging her lips. “I still remember when you taught me the different units of measurement.” her voice mixed with fondness and her eyes softened with nostalgia as she reminisced about the times he tutored her in middle school, particularly about numbers.

“Yeah, I remember that clearly, Pip,” he replied softly. At first, she thought she had it… until she noticed his little amusement in his tone and reaction.

He shifted his focus back to the pages she had shown him. His eyes skimmed the notes with a distant air, a chance for him to be detached from the moment.

Her chest tightened at his lack of response. She couldn’t help but look at him with her eyes drooping slightly, filled with disappointment. Usually, he would light up with the brightest grin, like a dog receiving its favorite treat. He would also carry on with their memories, eagerly describing his side of the story—or adding little details about their shared adventures.

But this time, he didn’t.

He just didn’t.

✿　.　˚　. 　 ˚　✿.

Caleb waited at the gates, leaning against the wall with his eyes fixed on the pavement. His friends had already left, and the lingering silence was beginning to weigh on him. Going home together was a part of their routine… familiar comfort he quietly counted on.

When Zayne and Y/N finally emerged from the main entrance, his posture straightened slightly as the faint flicker of energy returned to his eyes.

But when they drew closer, he didn’t greet them with his usual joyous smile. Instead, he simply watched them approach, his expression calm but distant.

Caleb’s fingers tightened around the strap on his shoulder, while his other hand hung loosely by his side.

The three of them eventually stepped through the gate and turned to face one another.

“See ya,” He casually murmured, raising his hand slightly in farewell to Zayne. The latter simply nodded in return, his expression stoic as ever.

When his eyes shifted to Y/N, Caleb caught the glance they exchanged. The way Zayne’s gaze lingered on her face made him forget to breathe, a dull ache of bitterness pooling inside him. There was no possessiveness in it.

He wasn’t jealous… just envious. Though he wasn’t sure if there was any much of a difference.

Zayne nodded at Y/N once more, and she offered him a soft smile in return. With a casual gesture, he patted her head, his expression giving no effort.

“Cheer up,” Zayne muttered flatly, his tone lacking any real conviction.

She chuckled softly, her eyes brimming with faint warmth before she gently pushed his hand away. “Yeah, yeah…” she teased lightly, though she couldn’t help but find it amusing. His reassurance always meant something, even with a face that didn’t look the slightest bit convincing.

✿　.　˚　. 　 ˚　✿.

Y/N kept walking, but her thoughts grew heavier with every step. Doubt and questions clouded her mind, blurring the edges of her resolve. Caleb, however, lags slightly behind, breaking the familiar rhythm of walking side by side. The distance between them, though small, felt unbearably vast.

She couldn’t take it anymore, at least… not without her heart feeling like it might cave in. But still, she kept her head low, unwilling to meet his eyes or face the heavy, humid air that lingered between them.

Did Caleb even realize how much his avoidance weighed on her chest? Why was it painfully quiet now as they walked together?

And when, exactly, had it become this way?

As she walked, Y/N caught a glimpse from the corner of her eye, his hand subtly lifting beside her wrist. It might seem odd and almost out of place for a fleeting moment. Yet, she recognized it for what it was—a fragile attempt to reach out and a quiet plea for her to notice him.

But just as quickly, his hand retreated, and she heard him wince from behind. The faint sound confirmed that she wasn’t imagining or hallucinating it. Without a second thought, she halted, her sudden stop causing Caleb to stiffen in surprise. He came to an abrupt pause, and his eyes snapping up to meet hers.

When their eyes finally locked, his eyes were wide and startled. But hers were weighed down with sadness, worry, confusion, and that small unmistakable trace of longing.

Caleb froze, his breath catching. She had never looked at him that way before. But if he could see into her heart, he’d know that was exactly how he looked at her too.

His brows slowly knit in concern, mirroring the sorrow in her eyes. Even his chest was tightened with yearning, but he forced himself to bury it. Caleb tried to mask it with indifference, but it was painfully too obvious. No matter how he tried,

He couldn’t hide the way he ached for her, too.

He even tried to find reasons why he couldn’t fight the inevitable for her. When he once could so easily as a child where he would stand tall without fear, protecting her from anything with unwavering confidence. But now, he felt so small and unsure, afraid that if he reached for her, he might end up losing her completely in the process.

Y/N sniffled softly and stepped closer, reaching for his calloused hands with both of hers, wrapping around the hand that had longed to reach hers earlier. Their eyes locked, and for a fleeting moment, it was enough. Caleb never realized his avoidance would only deepen their longing and it would make it harder to ignore. But he knew he was still strong enough to hold back, convincing himself that Y/N no longer needed him the way she once did as a child.

With a shaking breath, she slowly lifted his hand to her temple, her brows knitting tighter with the weight of everything she couldn’t say to him. She couldn’t speak now—instead, this gesture was her silent plea, a reminder that she still needed him just as much as before.

That simple action alone made his chest tighten with regret, and before he knew it… he was pulling her in—gently, but with aching desperation. His arms wrapped around her, holding her as if he could shield her from everything. He buried his face into her hair, his breath shuddering as vulnerability clung to him and the fear of loneliness engulfed the both of them.

“Don’t look at me like that, Pipsqueak…” his voice fractured with emotion, barely above a whisper. His arms tightened around her, with him trying to keep her from slipping away.

The ache of unspoken feelings hung between them, it was the kind of longing that seeped into their bones… a familiar pain of loving someone so deeply, yet being too afraid to admit it.

They both knew that they should risk it. They absolutely wanted to. But why does he hold back? He was confident—confident enough to make her his. Yet questions linger within him..

If only he knew what held him back.

₊˚︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿˚₊

1/3 P2 [SOON trust..] plspls tell me how did I do

[ananke-xiii]

I think the only thing I'll never change my mind about SPN is that I moderately enjoy Bobby (until he's alive at least, after that I wish they had just stopped but no, I was stuck with the ghost of Bobby past and the ghost of Bobby AU forever) but I'll never agree to see him as the "Good Father Figure" that fandom (heavily fuelled by canon, I have to admit, it's not a fanon thing or something like that) makes him out to be. And I say "fandom" because, while it makes sense for the characters to see Bobby as "Good Father", I'm very limited in my understanding as to why people usually don't question this view and take it at face value.

And I blame "Death's Door" for this because, on one hand, the "death is a door/ the door of death" concept is something that I deeply, deeply ADORE so this ep. is just SOOO enjoyable to watch. And, also, the implications that whatever you didn't deal with in life you'll have to deal with in death? This is my jam, LOooOOOoooVE this. Not only do we get to see Bobby's GIGANTIC trauma but we get to see it via him re-living it? Uhm, yes, more of this, thanks.

On the other hand, the bad: side characters' backstories that become really interesting only before they die is a meh for me. I can't make myself like this type of overly-emotional writing cop-out so this is a me-problem. Well, the other thing is also a me-problem, lol: Bobby's death reframes his life as "worthy" because he was "a good father to two heroes" or whatever he says in the episode and to me this is very boring. It shouldn't be, because it's a noble and wonderful thing, I just find it boring precisely because of what the episode has just showed me, i.e. Bobby's HUUUUGE trauma. As far as I see it, you can't explain trauma away like that. It's a very mediocre view of healing from trauma but still understandable from a writing pov because, well, Bobby is a side character and his death his functional to the main characters' story, sadly. But my point is that it could've been so without the resolution of his, I repeat, BIIIIG trauma thanks to him rejecting his own father's accusations by saying that, after all, he did something good with his life and this something was Sam and Dean. I think Bobby should have had his own moment there, face to face with the fictionalized version of his father but should've engaged with him differently. We had 6 seasons of implied parent-child relationship between Bobby and Sam and Dean, this extra glorification wasn't necessary, imo.

It's this over-explanation that bores me and it's also, I think, a huge factor in how lots of people seem to interpret Bobby as this "Good Father" type which he, let's just say it, isn't. And it's totally okay because that's the core of his character! Like, he was a deeply traumatized man who was aware enough of his own issues to decide that having children wasn't for him and this decision caused him (and Karen, his wife) some big problems. And then, and theeeeen, after tragedy hits him again, he finds out that, yk what? perhaps not only does he LIKE being a father, he'd also make, probably, a good father. But he's not. We think he's good because compared to John anything and anyone are better parents than him. The bar is in hell (lol) and all that. And because the show itself can't really imagine what being a good father actually means. Like, in SPN playing baseball and learning how to drive are portrayed as peak father-son moments but they're definitely not. They can be but, per se and without context, they're not, they're just conventionally accepted images of what a "good father" is supposed to do with his son.

It's, of course, way, waaaaaaaaay more complex than this but, essentially, a "good father" is "just" a parent who Loves his children. But, like, the very first STEP you need to take in order to be able to Love your children is to start working toward loving your inner child, which is another way of saying that you have to give yourself the Love you haven't received or, at least, some grace. Which is WEEEERK, loads and loads and loads of it. And this is impossible on Supernatural, duh, because it's the self-loathing people show where the "work" they have to do is something else entirely and it's more like a "job". But they went SOOOO close to get this in "Death's Door", all they had to do was for adult Bobby not to confront his own, imagined father but to hug himself as the scared little child he was. That was it. That would've been a huuuuuuge first step for the show as a whole.

So, to me, Bobby couldn't actually be a "good" father because he hadn't resolved his deep, deeeeeep, immeeense trauma that he brought to his DEATH. But the interesting thing about him is that he could have been a great father. It's the unexplored potentiality that makes him compelling and quite tragic, frankly. I mean, he's "The One Who Tried To Do The Very, Veeeery Minimum At Least" and that's actually already a lot in that show.

This, thiiiiiiiis I like. So this is the Bobby that I moderately enjoy.

[genderqueer-karma]

what the fuck i didn’t expect to cry just now. it’s so amazing how you can connect to people you’ll never meet.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

The idea that you can shame someone out of being a bad person or that shame can reliably be used to dissuede behavior you want someone to stop is so deeply and fundamentally a misunderstanding of what the research tells us.

Shame is NOT in fact a demotivator in the sense of encouraging behavior cessation. Rather it is a demotivator in that it alienates people from the behavior's form and function. If someone *experiences the feeling of shame upon having it drawn to their attention that something they have done or said may not be in line with their values or goals, it is TECHNICALLY possible (tho not as likely as one might hope) for that person to take a functional and non-judgemental approach to changing or addressing the behavior that led up to that feeling. HOWEVER if you *inflict* shame on someone ON PURPOSE to try and get them to stop doing a thing, research tells us that all this will result in is their becoming more adept at hiding that behavior from you and (possibly, depending on where the shame is reinforced) others.

So like. I get that this post thinks it's discouraging "harmful" shaming, but I need to emphasize that it is doing so by saying that "shame is functional" is the same thing, in a clinical connotation, as "shame can be used against others to change behavior IF YOU USE IT RIGHT" and it just....it isn't the same. At all. YOU cannot inflict shame on another person, they have to experience shame as a synthesis of their own recontextualization. What we inflict on each other via "shaming" is not, in fact, shame. It is FEAR. And wielding fear as a motivator for change actually has remarkably reliably *horrific* outcomes.

It is fascinating to me how intensely so many of us cling to the validity of inflicting pain, alienation, and fear on others if only they can do it in the right way for the right reasons when EVERYTHING that we know says that very framework is what makes it so dangerous and harmful to the people around us. Why do even the conversations "discouraging" shame include gestures to the idea that of course it works sometimes!

Please be skeptical of anything that suggests you can induce a negative feeling in someone who is not you on purpose and reliably receive an outcome other than "this person now treats me as unsafe to be vulnerable with". Change requires care, functional reflection of role, and support/compassion from the people around you during the transition. At no point does that include another person TRYING to induce shame, I assure you.

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[grimwarden]

dorian x mahanon

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

🕳️ What to Write When You Have No Idea What Happens Next

aka: you’re staring into the creative abyss and the abyss is not only staring back, it’s asking for a rough draft

hi writer. welcome to that fun little liminal space in your project where ✨absolutely nothing✨ makes sense. you wrote the last scene. you know you’re not at the end. but suddenly your characters are just standing there like NPCs waiting for a quest marker and your brain is doing the spinning beachball of death.

so. what now?

let’s break down some actually useful strategies for when you hit That Point™️. not vibes. not ✨manifest your way out✨ energy. not the “just keep writing” slog. here’s what to do when your story is refusing to tell you what happens next:

———————————————

zoom out: do a “scene audit” ———————————————

you don’t need a full outline to do this. take five minutes and sketch a bullet list of every scene that’s happened so far. not just what happened, but why it mattered.

like this:

MC lied to their boss (sets up stakes re: trust/power)

antagonist shows up at cafe (establishes tension + location crossover)

best friend gets suspicious (emotional complication, adds pressure)

this gives you a birds-eye view of what you’ve set in motion. often you’re stuck because you’ve lost sight of the threads you were pulling, your own story has momentum, you just need to feel it again.

—————————————————————

try “ghost drafting” (aka fake writing) —————————————————————

open a doc. start typing what would happen, if you were writing. super casual. something like:

“okay i think the next scene is maybe them at the train station?? or wait--maybe we need to see the fallout of the argument. i don’t really know what x character wants rn but i think y might be planning something…”

this trick works bc it removes pressure. no fancy prose, no perfect structure. it’s literally you telling yourself what might happen. and weirdly? your brain will often finish the scene for you without asking. (the number of times I’ve ghost drafted myself into 800 usable words… witchcraft.)

——————————————————————————

pin your characters to a corkboard and interrogate them ——————————————————————————

not literally. (unless you're into that. i don’t judge.)

but seriously: when you’re stuck, it’s often because your character has no immediate goal or emotion. pause and ask:

what does this character want right now? like, in this moment?

what are they trying to avoid?

what’s keeping them from getting either?

character-driven scenes are rarely static. even if it’s just an awkward dinner or walking to the store, someone’s always trying to do or hide something. if everyone in the scene is just reacting or waiting, you’ve got fog. bring in the fire.

—————————————————

don’t skip the “boring” stuff--weaponize it —————————————————

sometimes we’re stuck because we think the next scene is dull. like “ugh i guess they just… travel to the manor” or “they regroup at the safe house.” but these slow beats are GOLD if you embed purpose.

try giving the “boring” scene:

a time limit or interruption (they’re hiding but someone knocks)

a secret (someone is lying about something small but important)

a reversal (what they expected is the opposite of what happens)

even if it’s a quiet scene, layer it. conflict isn’t just yelling or action. it’s discomfort. it’s misalignment. tension between what’s said and unsaid.

—————————————————————

when all else fails: write the next emotional beat —————————————————————

strip it back. forget plot. forget pacing. ask yourself:

then write that. a monologue. a journal entry. an outburst. a line of whispered dialogue.

sometimes it’s not that you don’t know what happens next. it’s that your character hasn’t processed what just happened, and until they do, the story can’t move forward.

✨✨✨

the void is normal. getting stuck doesn’t mean you failed or picked the wrong idea or that the muse packed up and left for a better writer’s house. it just means your brain needs space to regroup.

writing isn’t linear. stories aren’t built in perfect lines. they loop. they stall. they circle back. and that’s okay.

if you’re in the middle of nowhere, here’s your sign to sit on the side of the metaphorical road, open your weird little notebook, and write anyway. write wrong. write messy. write ghost drafts. the path shows up when you start walking.

🕳️ you got this, writer.

tag me if you end up crawling out of your stuck scene with a little victory paragraph. i’ll bring snacks for the next one 🧃✨

P.S. I made a free mini eBook about the 5 biggest mistakes writers make in the first 10 pages 👀 you can grab it here for FREE:

[hayatheauthor]

The Anatomy of Punching a Character in the Face

Punching scenes are a staple of action sequences in many genres. Whether it’s an intense brawl, a quick defense, or an emotional outburst, a punch can carry a lot of weight both physically and narratively. As a writer, it’s essential to understand what really happens when a fist meets a face—from the immediate impact to the longer-lasting effects on both the person getting punched and the one throwing the punch.

This guide will help you craft authentic, detailed, and believable punch scenes by exploring different areas of the face, types of punches, and the aftermath of such an impact.

1. Target Areas of the Face and Their Vulnerabilities

A punch isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. Depending on where the fist lands, the consequences will vary significantly. Different parts of the face have varying levels of vulnerability, and targeting these areas produces different effects, from knockouts to broken bones.

A. Jawline: The Knockout Zone

The jawline is a classic target in many fight scenes, especially when knockout punches are involved. This area is highly vulnerable because a hit here causes the head to snap to the side, leading to a sharp rotational movement of the brain inside the skull. This movement disrupts the brain’s communication and often results in a temporary loss of consciousness—what we commonly refer to as a "knockout."

Common Effects: Dislocation or fracture of the jaw, loss of consciousness, slurred speech, and severe pain.

Visual Aftermath: Swelling around the jawline, bruising, and possible misalignment of the jaw if broken.

B. Nose: Breaking and Bleeding

The nose is another vulnerable target, known for being easily broken. It’s not just a fragile bone structure, but it’s also connected to many blood vessels, meaning a direct punch to the nose often results in immediate bleeding. The nasal bone can fracture, causing difficulty in breathing, and in some cases, the nose may need surgical intervention to reset.

Common Effects: Intense pain, bleeding, difficulty breathing, potential for a broken nose.

Visual Aftermath: Blood running from the nostrils, swelling, and significant bruising around the nose and eyes.

C. Cheekbones (Zygomatic Bones): Bruising and Fractures

The cheekbones are one of the more solid structures in the face but are still susceptible to breaks, particularly from a heavy blow. Damage here can lead to not just bruising, but potentially severe injuries that can affect the entire facial structure.

Common Effects: Fractures of the zygomatic bone, swelling, bruising, and pain extending to the eye socket.

Visual Aftermath: Black eyes, noticeable swelling on one side of the face, and a sunken appearance if the bone is fractured.

D. Forehead: A Hard Target

The forehead is much harder than most parts of the face and is less vulnerable to severe damage. However, punches to the forehead can still cause pain, disorientation, and dazing of the recipient. While it’s less likely to result in a knockout, it’s effective in dazing an opponent, especially if the puncher’s goal is to create an opening for another strike.

Common Effects: Swelling, redness, and potential concussions if hit with enough force.

Visual Aftermath: Redness, minimal bruising, and a dazed expression.

E. Eyes: Black Eyes and Swelling

A punch to the eyes is particularly brutal because the area around the eyes is delicate, and the skin is thin. It’s not just about swelling but also potential damage to the orbital bones. The impact can cause "black eyes," characterized by intense bruising and swelling that may close the eye shut for days.

Common Effects: Swelling, black eyes, potential orbital bone fractures, temporary blurred vision.

Visual Aftermath: Discoloration that starts purple and turns yellowish-green as it heals, swollen shut eyes.

2. Types of Punches

Not all punches are created equal. The type of punch thrown can drastically change the outcome of the scene, both in terms of damage and realism. Understanding these different types of punches will allow you to convey more varied and dynamic fight sequences.

A. Jab: Speed and Precision

A jab is a quick, straight punch, usually thrown with the non-dominant hand. It’s not meant to be a knockout punch but more of a setup punch to create an opening or keep the opponent at a distance. Jabs are fast and can be disorienting, especially if they repeatedly land in quick succession.

Common Effects: Light bruising, potential cuts, and swelling in the area hit.

B. Cross: Power and Impact

The cross is a powerful, straight punch delivered with the dominant hand. It’s often aimed at vulnerable spots like the jaw or nose. Unlike a jab, the cross is meant to deliver a significant amount of force, and when landed properly, it can cause serious damage.

Common Effects: Knockouts, broken bones, severe swelling, and bruising.

C. Hook: Lateral Devastation

A hook is a wide, circular punch that targets the side of the head, particularly the jaw or temple. It’s one of the most powerful punches and is often used with the intent of knocking the opponent out.

Common Effects: Knockouts, severe disorientation, potential for concussions, and jaw dislocations.

D. Uppercut: Lifting from Below

The uppercut is thrown upward, usually aimed at the chin. It’s a devastating punch that can lift the opponent’s head and jolt their brain, leading to knockouts. Uppercuts are especially dangerous when they land cleanly on the jaw or chin.

Common Effects: Knockouts, broken teeth, jaw fractures, and disorientation.

E. Haymaker: Risky but Powerful

A haymaker is a wild, swinging punch delivered with as much force as possible. It’s often thrown with reckless abandon and is easy to dodge, but if it connects, it can deal significant damage. Because of its wide arc, it leaves the puncher exposed to counterattacks.

Common Effects: Knockouts, severe bruising, and possible fractures if landed correctly.

3. Punch Wounds: What They Look Like and Healing

Punches to the face leave lasting marks, some immediately visible and others taking days to fully form. Understanding the aftermath of a punch will help you describe the physical toll on your characters more accurately.

A. Immediate Effects

Swelling and Redness: Swelling can begin almost instantly, particularly in areas with soft tissue like the eyes and lips.

Bruising: Bruises start off as red, then turn purple, blue, and eventually fade into yellow or green as they heal.

Bleeding: Punches to the nose, lips, and even cheeks can result in bleeding, either from the skin breaking or from internal damage like a broken nose.

B. Long-Term Injuries

Black Eyes: Punches near the eyes can lead to bruising that darkens the skin around the eyes, giving it a purplish hue.

Fractures: Broken bones, such as the nose or jaw, may require weeks to heal, and in severe cases, surgery may be necessary.

Scarring: If the skin is cut open, there’s the potential for scarring, especially if stitches are required.

C. Healing Process

Bruises: These typically take about a week to two weeks to heal, with the colors shifting as the body absorbs the blood trapped under the skin.

Fractures: Healing from fractures can take several weeks to months, depending on the severity.

Swelling: Swelling can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days, with cold compresses helping to reduce it.

4. How the Punch Affects the Puncher

While we often focus on the person receiving the punch, it’s important to remember that throwing a punch can also take a toll on the puncher.

A. Physical Strain

Knuckle Damage: Hitting a hard surface, like a jaw or forehead, can cause damage to the puncher’s knuckles. This is known as a “boxer’s fracture,” where the small bones in the hand break due to impact.

Wrist Injury: If the punch is not aligned correctly, the wrist can absorb too much force, leading to sprains or breaks.

Fatigue: After multiple punches, especially in a drawn-out fight, the puncher can become fatigued, leading to less powerful or accurate strikes.

B. Emotional and Psychological Effects

Adrenaline Rush: For inexperienced fighters, throwing a punch can lead to an adrenaline surge, which can cause tunnel vision or reckless behavior.

Moral Conflict: If the puncher is not used to violence, they may experience guilt or shock at the damage they’ve caused, especially if the recipient is significantly injured.

5. Psychological Impact of Receiving a Punch

A punch to the face doesn’t only cause physical damage. For the recipient, it can have a lasting psychological effect, especially if the punch was unexpected or in a vulnerable situation. Writing this aspect adds depth to your characters and shows that a punch is more than just physical pain.

A. Shock and Fear

Fight or Flight Response: Getting punched can immediately trigger a fight-or-flight reaction. Some characters might freeze or retreat, especially if they’ve never been in a physical altercation before.

Loss of Confidence: For characters not used to violence, being punched in the face may cause a significant loss of confidence. They may question their own strength, bravery, or ability to defend themselves.

Increased Aggression: Alternatively, the punch may trigger a rage-fueled response, pushing the character into aggressive, reckless action.

B. Embarrassment and Humiliation

Public Fights: If the punch occurs in front of others, there’s often an added layer of humiliation. Characters might feel embarrassed, even if they weren’t at fault.

Internalizing the Event: The recipient of the punch may carry the emotional impact for a long time, replaying the event in their mind, feeling shame, or seeking revenge.

C. Post-Traumatic Stress

Lingering Anxiety: In extreme cases, receiving a punch can cause anxiety or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Characters who’ve experienced significant trauma might relive the event through flashbacks or become hyper-vigilant, avoiding confrontations in the future.

Fear of Future Confrontations: A character who’s been severely beaten might actively avoid scenarios where they could be hit again, making them overly cautious or paranoid.

6. Writing Tips: Making It Believable

Writing a punch scene isn't just about describing the physical action. To make the moment believable and impactful, you’ll need to consider various elements—from pacing and sensory details to character psychology and aftermath. Here’s how to make your punch scenes authentic:

A. Build Tension Before the Punch

Foreshadowing Conflict: Build up the tension before the punch is thrown. Is the character agitated? Are there verbal warnings or body language that suggests things are escalating? By slowly ramping up the tension, the eventual punch feels earned and inevitable.

Use Dialogue: A heated exchange of words can make a punch more meaningful. If the punch follows a particularly cutting remark or threat, it adds weight to the action.

B. Focus on Sensory Details

Physical Sensations: Describe not just the punch itself, but how it feels. Does the skin split? Does the puncher’s knuckles scrape against teeth or bone? Is there an immediate sting or delayed throbbing pain?

Sound: The sound of a punch can enhance the realism of the scene. A dull thud as a fist connects with soft tissue, the crack of a bone breaking, or the splatter of blood hitting the floor are all effective auditory details.

C. Show Immediate and Delayed Reactions

Physical Reaction: After being punched, characters rarely shake it off immediately. Staggering, falling, or momentarily losing their vision are realistic reactions. You can also show how the puncher feels—did their hand hurt from the impact?

Emotional Fallout: Punches are often emotional events. Show how your characters feel right after—whether it’s satisfaction, regret, or shock. The emotional weight of a punch can be just as impactful as the physical consequences.

D. Consider the Aftermath

Healing Process: Don’t forget that punches have a lasting impact. A black eye will take days to heal, and a broken nose could require medical attention. Characters might have to deal with soreness, swelling, or difficulty talking and eating.

Ongoing Tension: A punch can dramatically shift relationships. A once-trusting friendship could be shattered, or a bitter rivalry could be born. Make sure to carry the emotional weight of the punch forward in your story.

7. Common Misconceptions About Punching

Many writers fall into the trap of perpetuating unrealistic portrayals of punches. These misconceptions can make your scenes feel less authentic or overly cinematic. Here’s how to avoid them.

A. The Myth of the "Clean Knockout"

Reality: A punch to the jaw might cause a knockout, but it’s not always instant. In real life, knockouts are often messy and unpredictable. The recipient might stagger or struggle before finally losing consciousness, and they could wake up with serious concussions, memory loss, or nausea.

B. Punches Always Cause Immediate Bleeding

Reality: While a punch to the nose often causes immediate bleeding, not all punches result in visible blood. Even when skin splits, it might take a moment for blood to pool and become visible. Bruising and swelling often take hours to fully appear.

C. Punching Doesn’t Always Lead to a Win

Reality: Throwing a punch doesn’t guarantee victory. The puncher could hurt themselves, miss entirely, or end up escalating a fight they weren’t prepared for. Additionally, punches to the forehead or temple might not have the knockout effect portrayed in movies—they could just make the puncher’s hand hurt more than the opponent.

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Quillology with Haya Sameer; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors! While you’re at it, don’t forget to head over to my TikTok and Instagram profiles @hayatheauthor to learn more about my WIP and writing journey! 

[tiamathh]

2025: A Brief Look (love n career) ☆

Hi angels! Happy new year may all of you be blessed and prosper and get everything you want and more <33 This PAC has Love and Career the other 2025 PAC will include social life and personal growth! Love you take care 🤭 here's to posting more this year and being consistent which is my new years resolution LMAO LIKES N' REBLOGS APPRECIATED

Masterlist || Paid Readings + FB || Tip Jar

Love [1 -> 3]

Career [A -> C]

Pile 1 ♡

Hey loves! So your love life is going to be really fulfilling this year, starting off there is this deep focus that you will feel when it comes to your social (romantic and platonic) connections and these may be what you will be caring about more in this year. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, this year brings choices that align with your desires and what you may have wanted for a long while.

Dam pile 1 I am getting that you may have to make some really tough decisions this year, because there will be too many good choices, and it could make you a little confused, this im getting may be between a past love and a new one, one which you have been craving (past) and one which you may have wanted for along time (new) this is going to be tough for sure because the person from your past may come into your life this year when you are going through a time where you are on a nostalgia trip. This energy is sos trong that I just envisioned the 2oC, which talks about this year bringing a lot of harmony and balance in your romantic connections. This is the kind of love where you see eye to eye with the other person, and you guys have this almost atomic connection between the both of you, and is a pairing that feels equal and deeply cherished. If you’ve been waiting for someone special, this could signify a soulmate-like meeting. For the ones who are already with someone this year will deepen your bond, inviting more emotional intimacy and a lot of plans for the future, you guys will be taking things to the next level. However, as I already said with the tough decisions part, there may be moments of hesitation or misalignment in the way you express what you want and your emotions which can lead to miscommuncication that could have been avoided. You may feel overly idealistic, which could lead to disappointments if reality doesn’t meet your expectations entirely, you may also (due to your hesitance) hold back romantic gestures because of the fear of uncertainty.

Oof this year is definitely filled with a lot of healing, growing from your wounds and finding closure in simple things when it comes to love, if you’ve been carrying heartaches from previous relationships or struggles with self-love, 2025 will give you a chance to heal and almost get a restart. Romantically, the worst is a 100% behind you, as you are letting go of old pain and stepping into an environment which can foster a lot of love. Okay very very specific message, some of you may be welcoming or starting a new family this year, this can be with regard to fertility or marriage so have fun y'all and stay safe out there lol

x◉

Pile 2 ♡

Hey pile 2, love in 2025 this feels like it is mostly for the people who may experinece romantic love or relationships for the first tie this year, I sense the energy of the AoC with new relationships and the energy here is very very fresh, and this year may be the beinning of that long romantic journey and dating life that you may have wanted for a long while. There are going to be a lot of celebrations this year and you may meet someone at one of these celebrations, I am getting the celebrations and joy will revolve around family stuff, like engagements, marriages, birthdays, a party related to your family fs though. This is also a message that things may be getting serious this year for the people who have selected the pile and are in relationships, theres a message that there will be huge milestones that will be achieved in love this year like moving with your partner, and for the singles one out there like me, this could also apply to you guys because your relationships may be getting serious this year.

This pile is the longterm pile for sure, whatever the case may be single or taken, you will find someone who will be there with you for quite a few years. However, theres a lot of confusion here, may be some of you feel like you do not deserve the kind of love that is coming your way or feel like the love is "too good" for you or that there are some terms and conditions applied that you did not know of. This fear due to a lack of self love is going to be the biggest obstacle when it comes to your love life, here you are your own worst enemy. You need to be more reflective and loving to you and you are being encouraged to reflect on your approach towards love both for others and for you. If there are opportunities but your heart is closed, then it will be impossible for love to blossom no matter how strong it is and how badly it wants to come into your life. Unprompted advice here, don't get caught up in the fantasy of a relationship or what it should look like, your relationship can be just as loving and deep as someone elses even if the ways of expressing things are different. Now I am also getting that you could be someone who may be used to rationalising things very often. You need to go with your ut this year when it comes to love, listen to your intuition do not make a pros and cons list (even though thats what i do) just let your gut guide you and you will have the best love year you have ever had muah <3.

x◉

Pile 3 ♡

Hi my pile 3 <33 this is an amazing pile because I instantly SAW cards as soon as I started, okay so starting with the 2 main cards that I saw here those being QoC and the 6oP rx. With the first card here you will be coming into a space where you will completely embrace your empathetic and nurturing side, not being too worried about looking tough anymore.

This card shows that you are embodying the traits of the QoC, which will lead to your cup being filled by someone else as well, maybe someone older than you (romantically) here, they will help guide you and in return love just being in your presence because of this warmth you will be exuding this year. You will be connecting with people on a deep emotional (heart) level, feeling seen and supported in ways you’ve always craved and this is a year where emotional connection is key, and you’ll notice that you will attract a lot of people who may need healing. However, even though thes epeople will be lovely, and you will help thema lot, remember it is not your job to "fix" anyone, and that not everyone will be as giving and ready to reciprocate all the effort and love you put in. Now with the 6oP rx, the same thing I just said is being reiterated that there may be moments where the give-and-take in relationships feels off-balance. You could find yourself giving more than you receive which could almost make you feel like you are obligated to give without getting anything back.

But 2025 has a lot of "victorious" energy, like its fast paced and there will be a LOT of suitors coming to you this year with minimal obstacles, you will be actively partaking and taking steps to look for people, maybe even being the one who approaches people ooo sexy bold energy coming from you here in the dating sphere dam. Although this year is very positive for you in love, and filled with potential you are being tested, how long are you going to stay when you feel like you aren't getting much? How much are you willing to give? It's going to test your perseverance and see if you can stand strong in these situations or maybe make the best of them. Just because you have been hurt before, you will be cautious but don't let these past wounds hold you back, you can always grow.

Ok I just saw the KoC, this is PERFECT OMGG okay okay so I love that we have gotten court cards for the same suit, this shows me that someone who embodies this energy is going to be coming into your life, to balance things out, and give you what you deserve, but you will have to go through quite a bit of rocky talking stages to find them, that is if you are able to identify what you want and from whom in a relationship.

Pile 1 ✈︎

Pile 1 hiiii, your career in 2025 is all about stepping into your power and taking control of your career, you will be very structured and disciplined this year, you have a plan in mind and it will help you improve your leadership skills and be in the spotlight, I am getting star student/employee, someone others will aspire to be like. This year will help you improve your work ethic and create a solid foundation for your work in the future and embrace being in a position where you are in authority, you will also get way better at setting boundaries that means not doing more than you need to, and not being overly generous with the people who wokr alongside you.

You are going to be ON THE GRINDDD this year, working hard and being insanely focused, you will be putting in effort to also refine your communications skills mainly so that you can network more, maybe joining certification courses or mastering your craft but you will definitely be upskilling and trying to make the most of your time. I love this pile omg, you are going to be breaking free from unhealthy patterns or limiting thoughts you may have that could have held you back in the past, like stepping away from toxic work environments, not engaging in petty gossip, MAINTAINING WORK-LIFE BALANCE so you do not burnout and gaining more confidence in yourself. If there is someone with prominent fire energy in your life who may be causing some trouble, they will be toning things down, as you start becoming more self assured.

Although you will be making big big strides in your career and establishing yourself well, you may still find yourself in moments where you feel like you aren't financially stable or where family obligations can lead you to making choices you would not have otherwise, please keep in mind your family is important but you are allowed to make your own decisions removed from your family, not everything has to be done as a unit especially if it is very important to you.

x◉

Pile 2 ✈︎

Hi pile 2, 2025 is going to be a mix bag for you lot like although you’ll experience some significant new opportunities, it will have a lot of challenges. For some of you, there could have been like some strain and dificulty when it comes to financial stability or you could be feeling a lack of support from your family, you guys are my dreamers, you have passion and you want to pursue it, so the trade off for doing something you love is that things may be harder sometimes. You financial strain or lack of support you’ve been feeling might persist longer than you expect. There will be progress, but it may be slower than you’d like, and there might be times when you feel like things are still a bit unstable or just like stagnant, because it can be harder to see your own success and progress at times but trust me you will be progressing, but don’t lose hope babes because you will continue to rebuild, and the find financial abundance around the last quarter of the year.

Teamwork is a big thing here, you’ll need to focus on collaboration more than ever it's like when musicians colab with each other, very artistic vibes coming through here. Although you will have moments where you want to take charge or stand out, your growth will depend on your ability to work with others, being a lone wolf will only take you so far, you cannot and don't need to do everything on your own. I know it can be hard to put your ideas to words sometimes and articulate well, but just remember different opinions and ideas are not an attack on your opinions and ideas, they are simply just different and that's it. There will be a lot of breakthroughs and achievements, but most will require you to step outside your comfort zone and won’t always be smooth, and you may question whether your efforts are paying off or if its even worth it sometimes, wanting to take a more traditional route rather than making your own path.

x◉

Pile 3 ✈︎

PILE 3 MY LOVES this year you are going to get all the praise and recognition you DESERVE for all the work you put in. This will feel validating, and you’ll have moments to truly appreciate what you’ve achieved, but with this will comes the pressure to maintain that level of success, and you might find yourself feeling overwhelmed at times. Despite the recognition, you may find yourself holding onto things because of fears around scarcity or losing control and its natural to want to protect what you’ve worked hard for, but 2025 will require you to take risks. Invest in yourself, whether through further education, expanding your network, or making a different career move, trying to go for something new, will be crucial for growth.

While it might feel uncomfortable at times to loosen your grip, doing so will open the door to new opportunities that could lead to even greater success. The hard work you’ve been putting in will start paying off in a big way, and you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment as you complete major goals. This is a time of fulfillment, where everything you’ve worked toward begins to come together. However, within all this like fast paced stuff you may start to feel signs of burning out and may start having less and less time for your friends and family, it wil. be like you will have tunnel vision for olny work because you want to succeed so bad which is valud but if you don't take care of yourself, the challenges will just keep being added to.

Success doesn’t happen overnight, and sometimes it takes patience and steady effort rather than burning too bright and overworking yourself and then just not being able to keep up. This is your year to nurture what you’ve started and ensure that you’re building a solid foundation for the future, so don’t rush into the next big thing just for the sake of it. Now last message coming through is that there will be opportunities to resolve any conflicts or lingering negativity in your career. If you’ve been dealing with tensions at work or internal struggles about your career path, this is the year to let go of what’s been holding you back, where you will focus on releasing grudges, ego battles, or any negative energy that’s draining you and you will learn how to compromise better too.

All Rights Reserved tiamathh©® DO NOT PLAGIARISE, REWORD, STEAL!

[mediacircuspod]

This scene was absolutely beautiful BUT it’s also the crux of the issue. You guys this is where the problems start. Because—because Crowley’s already cast out, he finds COMFORT in the idea that they are lonely together. “As far as he can” becoming “as far as they can” is an END to his complete “otherness” and something to appreciate, to covet, and to find solace in. He’s finally not alone.

But—and this is important.

Aziraphale does NOT feel that. He can’t.

This moment is completely and utterly devastating for Zira. He finds out he’s not damned and sure, he’s relieved. But he’s no longer “an Angel” in the way that he’s learned is right. He’s now unchangeably and forever; less holy—a concept that is dearly important to his identity. “[Going] along with heaven as far as he can” is a FAILING on his part. Not heaven’s(at least to him). There is no solace or comfort—he finds existence like that—just the two of them—achingly LONELY. And that’s just how his perspective demands to be taken. It’s the only perspective he is capable of in that moment AND after it, too.

Take into account Crowley has went from having no one AT ALL to having SOMEONE. And he puts EVERYTHING he has into it. This is not good. It’s unfair to Aziraphale. And it’s unfair to himself. On the opposite side, you have Aziraphale. Who has just went from having the ENTIRE HEAVENLY HOST, to having this SINGLE demon— who, one minute ago, Aziraphale thought would be dragging him off to hell.

And the part that aches is that this perspective hasn’t changed. Aziraphale feels like his existence is lacking because he wants so badly to be GOOD. And good is Holy. Good is heavenly. He’s the problem for having morals that are misaligned.

Spoilers for the last episode:

Aziraphale has just been given the validation that he is not only GOOD but the most HEAVENLY Angel there is, the Supreme Archangel, even. And if heavens morals are now HIS morals, then that’s EVERY PROBLEM SOLVED. With a bow even, because Crowley’s basically on heavens side anyway, he’s GOOD, isn’t he? He’s been good this whole time, so why wouldn’t heaven want him back? Reinstating him as Angel would fix everything. They can be together, and they can be good, and they can be HOLY. All Aziraphale’s conflicting emotions about loving Crowley can be packed away because Crowley will be perfect again—and surely Crowley wants to be perfect—wants to be forgiven.(sorry everyone, that hurt me too, oof) Aziraphale is SHOCKED by Crowley’s refusal. He’s devastated that his version of perfect is treated as something naive and distasteful.

Crowley’s devastated too. He’s just lost “their side”. A concept that for 5000+ years has been THE ONLY THING he puts love into besides his car and perhaps his plants(And humanity, but he’ll never admit to that—I’m looking at the “No more dying” scene). Crowley is constantly being devastated by Aziraphale. He’s “too fast”, he’s too evil, he’s too good sometimes. Crowley has always been TOO MUCH. But this is different because for four years, he’s had “them”(on their own side) without the hiding, and without the denial and without Aziraphale constantly putting former jobs between them. PLUS he has a mountain of trauma centered around the concept of “forgiveness”, so that’s not great considering Aziraphale’s last words to him(THAT HE HASNT SAID ALL SEASON EVEN WHEN HE MADE CROWLEY APOLOGIZE IN THE FIRST EPISODE, AHHHHH). He’s losing everything and he’s desperate: Why isn’t he enough, hasn’t he been enough these last 4 years? Hasn’t HE been enough the last 6000?

Aziraphale has always been enough for Crowley. But being enough for Crowley doesn’t fix how Aziraphale has never been enough for himself, not since Job. He looks at this offer as a chance for HIM to be enough, and for Crowley to be FORGIVEN. Crowley looks at it as a betrayal because it’s Aziraphale saying Crowley ISNT enough, and he NEVER has been.

But that’s not what Aziraphale is saying. He’s saying, “Let me fix it for you”. Crowley is hearing, “Let me fix you for it.” Two completely different and completely horrifying concepts.

And then Crowley needs to say HIS piece(oh my gosh, btw, this was heartbreaking).

“Let’s be together on our terms” is basically what I’ve distilled it down to. But Aziraphale hears, “Let’s run away from our problems”

Aziraphale doesn’t want to run away, and Crowley doesn’t want to change who he is.

They both want to be together so badly but they don’t understand why they each want it so differently. And Aziraphale can’t compromise because he’s brainwashed and LOATHES himself. And Crowley can’t compromise because he’s traumatized and LOVES Aziraphale just as he is. Crowley doesn’t want to be good on heavens terms. He can see Heaven for what it is; “toxic”. He hates heaven not only for what the Host did to him, but for HOW THEY TREATED Aziraphale.

They both don’t understand each other because for all the pleading and presenting and monologuing, they never once in that whole conversation, actually talked.

[electricwhims]

Infant Resize Preset

Are you sick of using demon toddlers? Do you want newborns that actually LOOK like newborns? Well you came to the right place cause one night I had a midnight thought that I turned into a reality and it was to make those toddler resize presets but for INFANTS!

The proportions look so much more newborn-like, eh? I tried my best to use real newborn references for an accurate scale!

DISCLAIMER: THIS PRESET IS FOR POSE USE ONLY. It kind of works with gameplay, but it doesn't give you any new gameplay features for newborns. They will act like infants

HOW TO USE?

STEP 1: Equip preset in CAS

The preview looks like this! And is located under body presets!

-Note that you CANNOT go back to a regular size infant without defaulting their genetic body type. So I recommend making a CAS backup just for the infant!

STEP 2: Get you some poses that work with this preset! (I have a launch day list at the bottom of this post!!)

-Resized toddler poses WILL NOT work with this preset.

-Regular sized Infant poses will work with the preset, but it may require T.O.O.L to fix the positioning.

STEP 3: Pose as normal!! If you're having trouble with positioning, see the known issues section of this post!

POSEMAKER'S GUIDE

To make poses using this preset, you must use the special rig provided in the download section of this post! It's exactly like posing with resized toddlers.

-You must NEVER use the reset rig button. That defaults the rig to regular infant size. To undo changes please use alt + R and alt + G

KNOWN ISSUES

Infants are notoriously glitchy and for some reason when they're small sized, they act just a little bit crazier.

I HIGHLY RECCOMEND YOU DOWNLOAD T.O.O.L TO HELP SOLVE THESE ISSUES.

-If your teleporter is throwing last exceptions, your small infants may become misaligned with their caregiver's. This is easily fixable with T.O.O.L.

-When posing on an incline, the infants WILL MOVE OUT OF PLACE. These kinds of misalignments can't be fixed with T.O.O.L. I recommend only posing on flat terrain.

-This is not an issue, but more of a suggestion. If you're posing with some kind of bed, these babes are tiny and hard to click on. I recommend downloading a camera mod such as this one to get down low under the beds.

If you have any other detrimental issues, please let me know! I'm happy to help troubleshoot! You can reach out on here, but I respond faster on my instagram!

Free poses you can use right now!!

Thank you SOOO much to my amazing friends @truecolorssims and @herecirmsims for making 100% free poses to release alongside this launch!! Ya'll are INCREDIBLE and I couldn't have done this without you!!!

Cold Welcome by Me -Birth poses with complications

Newborn Singles by Me

It's Your Dad by Me - NICU visit poses

Safe in My Arms by Me -Sim being handed a baby and cuddle sesh.

It's So Hard by Me - Sim crying by a crib and being handed a baby

Complete by Me - Polyamorous throuple with baby

Isn't Mommy Awesome? By Me - Breastfeeding/Bottlefeeding with toddler and both parents.

Hold This by @herecirmsims - Couple and trio poses handing off a baby!!

Emotions With A Newborn by @herecirmsims - like the title suggests!!

Teeny Tiny by @truecolorssims - Family portrait poses with newborn!!

There was also supposed to be a preemie size variant of this preset but for some reason I couldn't get it to work!! Maybe one day when I have more time to troubleshoot I can release that, but for now, I didn't want to put this off any longer!

(UPDATE: PREEMIE SIZE IS HERE!) It's also included in the infant resize download at the bottom.

TERMS OF USE:

I put a LOT of hours into this preset and all the poses to go along with it and I'm releasing them COMPLETELY FREE So I feel a slightly stricter TOS is warranted.

-Do not reupload

-No poses made with this preset are allowed to be perma paywalled PERIOD. Early access is allowed if it is released for free in a timely manner (2-3 weeks)

-Do not include the preset in your post. Please link back to this post!

IF THESE TOUs ARE VIOLATED I WILL BLOCK YOU ON ALL PLATFORMS

If you use it, please tag me on here or on Instagram @electric.whims Not a requirement, but I do want to see!

@ts4-poses @alwaysfreecc

DOWNLOAD: SIMFILESHARE| PATREON

[tinytarotandtea]

「 ✦ PICK A CARD✦ 」

A Soft Message From Your Inner Child

Masterlist GET YOUR PERSONAL PAID READING HERE <33

Credits: divider by @/strangergraphics Directions: Take a moment to breathe, calm down and focus as you choose a picture from above. From left to right is pile 1, 2 and 3. Then Scroll down to your pile! Please remember to only take what resonates with you and leave the rest 🫶

Pile One -

Cards Pulled - The High Priestess • Page of Swords reversed • King of cups.

Hello my sweet Pile one! Today, your inner child wants you to know that you're wiser and more emotionally aware than you realise, and they're so proud of how far you've come! As am I!

The Hight Priestess is reflecting your inner knowing. Your inner child is gently reminding you that you've always been intuitive, even back then. You felt things others missed, and that sensitivity is a gift, not a flaw.

The Page of Swords Reversed shows that part of you is still curious and eager to learn. Though, you might be overwhelmed by doubts or mental clutter. Your inner child encourages you to let go of the need to always have the right answer, and to instead turn to wonder. You don't have to be perfect. It's okay to ask questions. It's okay to not know everything yet.

The King of Cups comes in as your emotional anchor. Your inner child sees the emotional maturity you've cultivated. They want you to give that same compassion and steadiness to yourself. You know how to hold space for others, now it's time to hold space for the younger parts of you too.

So, Pile One, my dears — the message from your inner child is to trust what you feel. You've always known more than they gave you credit for. Keep asking questions, stay curious, and hold yourself gently. They see you trying, and they love you for it.

Pile Two -

Cards Pulled - Ten of Cups reversed • Ten of Swords • Two of Cups reversed.

Pile Two, my dears. This one is deep. Your inner child is reaching out with a message that acknowledges pain, disappointment and the longing to truly feel connected and safe. This isn't an easy pile, but it's very meaningful.

The Ten of Cups shows a yearning for emotional security and belonging that might not have been fully met. Especially in the early stages of a relationship or family dynamics. Your inner child might be saying, "I didn't always feel safe or like I belonged." The comfort here is in recognising that those feelings were real, and that you are allowed to grieve what you didn't receive.

The Ten of Swords speaks to deep emotional exhaustion and perhaps betrayal and burnout. Your inner child is gently requesting you to acknowledge the hurt without brushing past it. But they're also reminding you that this is the end of the cycle. The worst is behind you now. There's nowhere to go but upwards. Healing from what you've been through is not only possible, but it's already beginning.

The Two of Cups here points to misalignment in relationships, especially with your self. Your inner child wants you to repair your bond with them. They want you to reconnect with your younger self in a way that is gentle, kind and affirming. You're perhaps pouring love into others, but forgetting to offer it inward. The comfort needed is reunion with your own heart.

Your inner child wants you to know that they know things didn't always feel safe or fair, but they're still here. They're still here waiting to be held by you. You don't need to be perfect. Just be with them. That's all they've ever wanted.

Pile Three

Cards Pulled - Four of Pentacles • Four of Wands • The Star Reversed

Hello Pile Three, my darlings! Today, your inner child asks for safety, celebration, and permission to hope again. Even if all such feels a little far away right now.

The Four of Pentacles here shows that your inner child has learned to protect themselves. Perhaps a bit too tightly. They've held onto what feels safe, even when it meant closing off parts of their heart. Their message to you is that you are safe now. You don't need to hold everything in so tightly. They want you to know that it is okay to soften. And it's okay to let go of some of that guardedness once you're ready.

The Four of Wands speaks of a longing you may have got joy, connection and a sense of 'home'. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Your inner child wants to remind you that it's okay to celebrate yourself, even for the little things. They want you to create moments of joy and comfort. Build spaces that feel like home.

The Star Reversed suggests that your hope might feel dimmed. Perhaps you've been through disappointment, or your dreams have felt too distant. But your inner child is still holding a flicker of belief for you. Their message is, "Please don't stop wishing." Even when things begin to feel uncertain, even when you're tired — they want you to know that the healing is still ongoing, even in the background.

Pile Three, the message here from your inner child is that you don't have to do it all alone. You're allowed to soften, to celebrate, and to believe in magic again. Even if it's just a little bit at a time.

[moonsharky]

idk man i just think it's interesting how in the same episode (817) we got two visuals of eddie and symbolic disruption.

by now i am sure we all know about how eddie grabs buck's right shoulder in their kitchen fight.

as opposed to when every single other shoulder grab was on the left.

across the first four shoulder grabs, eddies touch on buck's left shoulder becomes a quiet but consistent symbol—something ritualistic in its repetition. it's always the left, and it's always tied to connection, trust, and reassurance. it happens when:

eddie entrusts buck with chris after the tsunami—offering the deepest form of vulnerability.

buck returns to life after dying and then breaks up with his girlfriend who only ever wanted to talk about his death—eddie marks it not with grand gestures, but a grounding, physical welcome.

buck comes outs as bi—eddie affirms their bond with the same familiar touch.

they're drunk and ridiculous—chaos, but still safety, still them.

the left shoulder becomes more than anatomical. it's a symbolic place—the side of openness, the heart side, where eddie reaches when he's offering something: protection, belief, affection, belonging. his hand on buck's left shoulder says: i see you, i know you, i am still here with you.

the rest is under a cut because this got really long lmao

and then comes the fifth shoulder grab. they're grieving, they're angry, and they're not aligned. it's not a random change, it's a visual break in their emotional code.

spatially, it's off. it's the opposite side, the one that's never been used, a side that carries no memory between them.

emotionally, it signals distance. instead of grounding buck (or himself) or connecting with him, eddie's touch jars—like reaching for someone and missing.

narratively, it says: this is not comfort, this is not reassurance. this is a moment when their bond is under strain.

the right shoulder becomes the embodiment of their fractured state. it's still a touch—so the connection hasn't been severed entirely—but it's misaligned, like trying to play a familiar song in the wrong key. the gesture remains, but the meaning has shifted. it's a visual metaphor for grief disrupting even the deepest connections. for how pain can make us reach for someone the wrong way. and for how easy it is, even in love or friendship, to get turned around.

and then we have sleeping on the right side of the bed when he finds out what has happened to bobby.

this one isn't as black and white as the shoulder grabs, there is a bit of nuance.

throughout the series, eddie's position on the left side of the bed becomes an unspoken visual anchor—just like buck's left shoulder. it's not just a preference; it's a symbol. when eddie is on the left, he is grounded in his identity, even when alone, even when struggling. the left side becomes a quiet declaration: this is where i belong, even if it hurts.

first appearance: alone, on the left, near the edge. a man used to sleeping alone, leaving space—both physically and emotionally—for something he hasn't yet allowed himself to reach for. still, the left side is his side.

the three times in the montage building to his ptsd breakdown: again alone, again on the left. but now he's closer to the centre—edging inward, away from the edge of the bed, perhaps unconsciously craving connection. that space on the right side of the bed remains empty but present. these shots appear as he drifts deeper int a spiral—emotionally withdrawn, but still clinging to familiarity. the left side is his tether.

the left side holds continuity. whether in grief, repression, or monotony, it's where eddie returns. it's where he makes space—whether or not he knows for whom.

in scenes where he shares the bed—first with his ex-wife, later with his girlfriend— the staging becomes a little more complicated, reflecting the emotional confusion in those relationships

with shannon: they're upside down in the bed—eddie is technically on the right, but visually, with shannon beside him, it reads as the left. symbolically it reflects the chaos of their dynamic: a shared history that doesn't quite fit anymore. she's on the edge, physically and emotionally, and he's left in between—trying to hold onto a familiar position in an unfamiliar formation. she dies ten episodes later.

with marisol: another upside down shot, but this time they're physically closer to eddie's side. she's not on the edge like shannon—there's room behind her. but that visual closeness is deceptive: emotionally they're still mismatched. this is the scene we see her officially moved in, packing boxes around eddie's bedroom, but the symmetry is fragile. she moves out at the end of the episode.

in both cases eddie never fully gives up the visual space of the left, but the blocking suggests that when others share his bed, it doesn't feel like sharing—it feels like rearranging. he's physically there, but emotionally disoriented.

1. later flashback with shannon: they're not upside down this time. chronologically this would be after the first time we see them in bed together, and before the end of that episode where she shows up on christmas day. eddie is on the left, not at the edge, not at the centre—somewhere in between. its a quieter scene, more stable, and just before eddie decides to reopen emotional space between them—for her to see christopher again. there's a softness here, but the tragedy to come lingers just beyond the frame.

then there's the final scene of eddie in bed in the 817 flashback. texas. the middle of the night. the call comes. their captain has died. eddie wakes up on the right side of the bed.

this is not just a logistical change. its a rupture in the visual language. the right side, for eddie, is foreign. it doesn't hold history, safety, or selfhood.

he's not in la. he's not near buck. he's not near the life he built for himself.

he's in texas—the place of his past, but not his home

his parents and extended relatives may be in the same state, but his found family isn't

eddie being on the right side of the bed—alone, out of place, receiving devastating news—is symbolic dislocation. it says: this isn't where i'm meant to be. not in this house. not in this life. not even in this bed in this room.

where the left side is grounding, the right side is severance. eddie on the right side of the bed is eddie adrift. it's a quiet, visual confirmation that something isn't right, that he is far from home.

both symbolic disruptions—the right-side shoulder grab and the right-side bed placement—occur in the same episode where eddie returns to la, but the irony is that even here, in the city he calls home, he doesn't feel at home in himself. the bed in texas underscores his physical and emotional disturbance; it's a visual cue that he's been living a life out of alignment. but the shoulder grab happens in la—among his family, in the place where he should feel most like eddie. and yet, in that moment, his grief fractures the instinctual connection he shares with buck. by reaching for the right shoulder, he unconsciously echoes the misplacement we see in texas—showing that the dissonance isn't just about geography. it's inside him now. this convergence of visual breaks—sleeping on the wrong side of the bed and touching the wrong shoulder—signals eddie's internal compass is spinning. he's lost not just his captain, but his grounding, and the emotional fluency he once had with the people he loves. even in la, he's still off centre because he's hurting and his best friend won't talk about their shared grief.

[cyberclouddream]

The 6th House and Bad Fortunes

In Hellenistic astrology the 6th house is referred to the “place of bad fortune”, connected to disease and decline in vitality. Here it’s more associated with hardships and illness than daily routines and activities. This is due to it being twelve houses away from the 7th house, which would mean imprisonment to significant commitments, like our health and vitality.

It represents the challenges that arise when our creative and romantic aspirations meet reality. By addressing the issues related to health, routines, and service we can transform the challenges here into opportunities.

Aries Rising

- tedious jobs that demand grinding

- may clean up after others or work beneath your skill level

- burnout because of perfectionism

- overworking with little recognition

- hypochondria; frequent doctor’s visits or checkups

- nitpicky with coworkers

Remedies: balanced diet; prioritize and delegate tasks; activities that promote self-improvement; face issues head-on; eliminate distractions; learn to say no

Taurus Rising

- passive-aggressive co-workers

- people-pleasing overload

- headaches or skin problems

- jobs that lack beauty or creativity

- indecisive career path

- superficial relationship with colleagues

Remedies: make workplace aesthetically pleasing; distinguish supportive relationships from toxic ones; take proactive steps to manage burnout; stay physically active

Gemini Rising

- jobs full of manipulation, power struggles, or drama

- unhealthy or overwhelming intensity at work

- anxiety, digestive issues, or fatigue

- strong desire for control over work environment and tasks clash

- help others with hidden agendas

Remedies: stop avoiding hard tasks; let go of grudges; find a life outside of work; channel rage into work; get regular check ups

Cancer Rising

- dissatisfaction in routines

- overcommitting to responsibilities

- lack of exercise, weight issues, digestive problems

- conflict with traditions or authority

- too much optimism

Remedies: learn to focus on tasks; be wary of escapism; be honest about what you can handle; establish flexible routines

Leo Rising

- rigid rules or strict hierarchies in workplace

- relentless pursuit for success

- issues with bones, joints, or skin

- missing opportunities for joy

- feelings of isolation and loneliness

Remedies: drop guilt about labor and delegate tasks; don’t take work too seriously; reassess goals if feeling stagnant or underappreciated

Virgo Rising

- jobs that feel misaligned with values or ideals

- alienation at work

- inconsistent health practices; issues with circulation, nervous system, or sudden changes in well-being

- rebel against routine tasks or authority figures

- difficulties with structure or traditional methods

Remedies: make decisions instead of overthinking; engage more with colleagues; address and change when there’s discomfort; stop idealizing job or coworkers; embrace structure

Libra Rising

- neglect important tasks and responsibilities

- elusive health issues; frustration when seeking health solutions; often feel tired without clear reason

- sensitivity leads to overwhelming emotional labor

- lack of structure in workplace

- romanticizing hardships, sacrifices, or struggles

Remedies: stop dreaming and start doing; get real about health issues; don’t overindulge in pleasures; don’t let feelings dictate work ethic; confront conversations and conflicts head-on

Scorpio Rising

- rush into tasks without proper planning

- take on too much workload at once

- headaches, high blood pressure, or injuries over overexertion

- struggles with monotonous tasks

- inconsistent motivations

Remedies: think before you speak to not burn bridges; learn to collaborate; own your mistakes; get organized

Sagittarius Rising

- stuck in unfulfilling jobs that lack progress

- overindulge in comforts; overeating or neglecting physical activity

- resistance to new opportunities and changes at work

- jobs that offer little financial security

- neglecting mental health

Remedies: don’t cling to routines or methods; avoid complacency; don’t overindulge in comfort foods or luxuries; don’t expect people to read your mind

Capricorn Rising

- erratic work performance

- overwhelmed by too many projects

- headaches, digestive issues, or anxiety

- resist structured routines

- prioritize mental stimulation over exercise or proper nutrition

Remedies: don’t take on too many tasks at once; confront workplace drama; avoid procrastination; make time for resting well; think before you speak to avoid misunderstandings

Aquarius Rising

- difficulty separating feelings from workplace

- fluctuating health issues, like digestive problems or issues linked to their emotional state

- prioritizing helping others over their own needs

- home dynamics effect work

- lack of professional boundaries

Remedies: don’t play victim; set emotional boundaries at work; don’t beat around the bush; avoid overindulgence; be realistic about your limitations

Pisces Rising

- snuggle with recognition at work

- desires for leadership clash with authority

- neglect health for status and appearance

- difficulties maintaining routine

- dramatic responses to setbacks, like unnecessary stress

Remedies: quit trying to be the center of attention at work; limit drama and theatrics; don’t let your pride blind from constructive criticism; be a team player; avoid overcommitting because of your passion;

[erodasfishtacos]

The Bikini Top That Started It ||FWB!H ||

prompt: a look into h and yn's relationship/ how it started

word count: 4.5k

warnings: body shaming, bullying/teasing, toxic relationships, infidelity

PART ONE

author's note:

I upload a piece of writing every 1-2 days.

This will be updated this month.

I recently started a second tier called The OG Tier where 2

one shots (2-5kish) are posted a week.

There are currently 375 + pieces available to read

Tier I - $3 USD where you get access to main stories, everything except the mini one shots.

Tier II - $5 USD where you get access to every piece of writing!

you can check it out HERE

YOU CAN GET 70% YOUR FIRST MONTH OF MEMBERSHIP!

SIGN UP THROUGH WEB BROWSER NOT THROUGH APP STORE TO AVOID IOS FEE!!!!

first TWENTY to click here can get a free $5 membership for a month!

---

YN didn’t know why she felt so off the entire next day at work.

There was no specific trigger she could point to—no hangover, no fight, no tangible reason for the discomfort prickling beneath her skin.

But she could link it to knowing that she felt it instantly after getting her own car after saying ‘goodbye’ to Harry. 

The moment she stepped into the office that morning, everything felt... misaligned.

Her usual rhythm was gone. 

Tasks she could normally do with her eyes closed took longer, her mind drifting constantly, and her body felt disconnected, almost like she was watching herself go through the motions from a few feet above.

It didn’t take long for Georgia to notice.

After her own presentation mid-morning, Georgia made a detour into YN’s office. 

She leaned casually against the doorframe, but there was a suspicion in the way she was looking at YN.

“You’re not hungover, are you?” She asked, tilting her head slightly, “You alright?”

YN managed a quick nod, followed by a small, forced smile,“Yeah. Just… tired, I guess.”

It wasn’t a lie, not exactly. 

She was tired—but more in the emotional, soul-crushing way than physically. 

She was exhausted by the whirlwind of last night, the closeness, the intimacy, the thrill—and now, this strange emotional hangover she couldn’t seem to shake.

She wished she could tell Georgia everything. 

She always told her everything. 

Georgia was her best friend, her rock, her sounding board through every high and low. 

Maybe if she shared what had happened, what was happening, Georgia could help her make sense of why she felt like this.

But it was too deep now. 

Too far gone.

What she had with Harry didn’t feel like something she could hand over for analysis just yet. 

It was special, wrapped in something soft and untouchable. 

So she kept it quiet, close to her chest.

Part of it was selfishness. 

She wanted to keep it hers for just a little while longer.

And another part—the bigger one, maybe was fear. 

Fear that once other people knew, once it left the cocoon of secrecy, it would change.

Shift and maybe even end.

Because if she admitted it out loud, it would suddenly feel real.

And if it was real, it could break.

The restlessness hadn’t left her all day. 

It sat in her chest like an itch she couldn’t reach, an unsettled fluttering that made her check her phone more often than she should, hoping for a text, a message, anything. 

She felt like she couldn’t breathe properly until she saw him again.

Did he enjoy their night?

Did she do a good job?

It was all this anxiety spurring around whether or not she had pleased him when she knew she did, she had clear evidence dripping down her thighs on the drive home that he had but it was still eating at her because she just wanted to be good for him and she hoped that she had been.

Georgia wouldn’t tell anyone if YN asked her not to.

 That wasn’t the issue but Georgia—subtle as she could be was always observant.

Always catching things others didn’t. 

If she knew, even subconsciously, she’d start noticing things. 

Little glances, lingering touches, moments where Harry and YN looked at each other for just a second too long. 

She’d piece it together, not because she meant to but because she couldn't help it.

And YN didn’t want anyone looking at them like that.

Especially not Georgia.

Because Georgia would remind her that this might not be a good idea. 

That despite all the chemistry, all the history, there were things at play here that could make everything fall apart.

Georgia knew YN had always had a little thing for Harry.

It was an old joke among their group, really—a harmless little crush that had bloomed years ago when they first met. 

Back when Harry was still dating Lauren, and YN was still tangled up in things with Ben. 

She never admitted the depth of it, how often he crossed her mind, how her stomach flipped every time he smiled in her direction.

It faded in and out, when things were going alright with Ben - she thought much less about him, maybe fleeting or admiring how pretty his smile is from afar but nothing more than that.

When things were going poorly with Ben, that’s when she would be hyper aware of what a gentleman Harry was.

The way Harry would pull out chairs for Lauren, the way he always seemed to be attuned to her needs—refilling her drink without being asked, checking on her without being annoying. 

The way he touched her, casually but consistently, that steady arm around her shoulders, the quiet presence at her side. 

YN found herself wondering what it felt like to be in her place.

Not to be Lauren.

Just… to be his.

She told herself it was normal. 

Everyone had crushes.

But there was one night, one very specific night, that changed everything.

It was almost five months ago now.

A week before Harry and Lauren split up.

About a month before she and Ben finally fell apart completely.

They were at Jessa’s parents’ vacation home on the lake, just a few hours out of the city. 

It was a stunning place—, big windows overlooking the water, and a wrap-around deck where the group gathered for drinks most nights. 

YN just wanted to go home.

The whole thing was supposed to be carefree -swimming, drinking, boating, lazy afternoons in hammocks and loud, wine-drunk dinners.

A friend group reunion where everyone could unwind. 

But all YN could feel was the constant pressure in her chest—the heaviness that came from being surrounded by happy, touchy couples while her own relationship teetered on the edge of collapse.

Ben had been picking fights since they pulled out of the driveway, and YN was no longer biting her tongue. 

She was too tired to pretend anymore, every word between them was tinged with irritation. 

Harry, though… Harry was different.

He had a calmness to him that put her at ease, over the last couple years, they'd gotten close in a quiet way— just shared conversations and glances that lingered too long. 

They didn’t text every day, didn’t hang out one-on-one, but when they talked, it was deeper than anything she ever managed with Ben. 

Their conversations felt safe and real, like being seen without having to ask for it.

It was the first night at the lake house.

A big drinking game had started on the back deck—flip cup, then beer pong—but YN and Harry had quietly opted out after the first round, drifting away from the table. 

It wasn’t intentional. 

Their seats were just next to each other. 

Then one topic turned into another, and the game quickly became background noise.

He had a few beers in him. 

Not drunk, but loosened enough to speak more freely than usual.

They started with her promotion—she was newly promoted at work, and Harry was genuinely interested, asking thoughtful questions about what it meant, what she wanted to do with it. 

Then the conversation shifted, he admitted, almost shyly, how overwhelmed he was with his business, how being self-employed, with no employees, meant that every responsibility was his—and that sometimes, the weight of it crushed him a little.

He got quieter, more serious, as he spoke about his mom, about how she couldn’t afford a medication she needed a few years back, and how that moment lit something in him. 

That was when he knew he needed to build something sustainable—not just for himself, but to be able to take care of her.

The way he talked about her was so soft, protective, grateful—it nearly undid YN. 

Her eyes prickled with tears she didn’t want to explain.

It was rare, so rare, to see a man speak so openly and lovingly about his mother.

The game was wrapping up, noise and movement shifted their way. 

Ben was slowly stumbling toward her, drink in hand. 

Lauren was making her way toward Harry, too, giggling and clearly far too drunk, her voice shrill even before she got close.

And that’s when Harry said it—quiet, like it slipped out without permission.

“Thanks for listening. I can’t talk to Lauren like this.”

YN blinked at him, caught off guard, a  response was forming on her tongue—What? Talk about your feelings? but she swallowed it. 

Instead, she leaned over and squeezed his knee gently, a reassurance, “You can talk to me anytime, Harry.”

He looked at her then, really looked at her. 

There was a sadness there she hadn’t expected. 

His hand, warm and steady, wrapped around hers, “You're too sweet, you know that?”

She barely had time to process it before Lauren practically collapsed into his lap, laughing and wrapping her arms around him. 

YN pulled her hand back immediately, heart skipping.

Lauren didn’t notice—too drunk, too loud, too focused on getting Harry’s attention.

But YN noticed. 

And so did Harry.

+

The next day, the heat was vicious.

Most of the group had migrated down to the lake to cool off, but the core crew—Mitch, Hailee, Georgia, Jessa, Niall, Harry, and Ben—had stayed back at the house pool. 

Lauren had tried to coax Harry to join her and her friends at the lake, but he’d refused, gently but firmly.

YN had watched the tension build in Lauren’s posture before she stormed off with a passive-aggressive comment under her breath.

Harry’s jaw tightened, she saw the way he stared after her like he wanted to shout something—but didn’t.

Instead, he just turned back to the pool and slipped into the water like nothing had happened.

YN and Ben hadn’t been having a good morning.

He’d woken her up—twice trying to initiate sex even after she told him no. 

She was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and had made a snide comment about his "functioning hand" and the lotion in the bathroom which sparked a meltdown. 

He slammed the bathroom door, only to storm out moments later, furious that she hadn’t chased after him.

It was always like that—she was either cruel for ignoring him or manipulative for engaging. 

She was so tired of the drama, of walking on eggshells, of being made to feel like she was impossible to love.

She didn’t want to be here.

No, she would much rather be at her own apartment and away from all the alcohol, all the mean girls, and most importantly she wanted to be away from her own boyfriend which was pathetic.

She didn’t want to think about how he'd casually mentioned engagement the night before, and how she’d had to fight the urge to physically gag at the idea.

YN was at the point of knowing that she needed to break up with him, she thought about it everyday but hesitated constantly because she didn’t want to do with the meltdown that he would have, the messiness that would be their breakup because he was convinced that they were going to get married.

But it was fine. 

At some point while everyone was chatting, Harry swam up beside her, casual, but with serious eyes—as he asked, “Alright?”

YN nodded subtly, but she knew it didn’t match her demeanor—her body was tense, her jaw tight, and she hadn’t managed even the faintest smile.

Harry’s frown deepened, eyes narrowing slightly, “What’s wrong?”

But before she could answer, Niall was yelling something at Harry, pulling his attention away, and by the time he turned back to ask again, YN had already swum off—wanting to avoid the conversation entirely.

-

Someone decided that it would be a good idea to play chicken.

YN was perched on Ben’s shoulders, legs wrapped around his neck awkwardly for balance.

Hailee was on Mitch’s.

It was chaotic and loud—everyone laughing, cheering, the water sloshing around them in waves. 

YN was laughing too, even if it felt a little forced, until suddenly—she toppled off Ben’s shoulders. 

One second she was upright, and the next she was plunging under the surface, her mouth open in a surprised gasp that filled with water.

She came up sputtering, blinking chlorine from her eyes, heart pounding.

Something didn’t feel right.

Then the cold hit her chest, bare skin where there should have been fabric.

Her bikini top was gone.

Instinctively, her hands flew to her breasts, trying to cover as much as she could.

And there was Ben grinning like an idiot, waving her neon pink bikini top in the air like it was some kind of sick trophy.

He let out a loud, mocking catcall, “Wooo! There are the girls!”

YN flinched in horror, the noise drawing attention to her. 

When she turned toward him, she saw the glint in his eye—playful, smug, and entirely unkind.

“Ben, stop,” She squeaked, voice cracking as she reached for the top with one hand, still desperately trying to shield herself with the other,  “Please, give it back.”

Her chest was half-exposed, at least one nipple visible, and the realization made her stomach turn.

“What do I get for giving it back?” Ben teased, his voice boyish and cruel. 

He laughed as he held the top just out of her reach, standing a head taller than her in the water.

It was the kind of joke a schoolyard bully would make—mean-spirited, immature, humiliating.

Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes.

She felt small. 

Exposed. 

Powerless.

Her boyfriend—the person who was supposed to protect her, make her feel safe was the one putting her through this. 

He didn’t care that other people could see her, didn’t care that she was clearly distressed.

And then, like the final punchline to his awful little joke, he whipped the bikini top out of the pool and flung it toward the grass, where it landed in a limp, fluorescent pile.

That was it.

Tears were streaming freely now—hot with embarrassment and shame.

No one was laughing anymore.

She heard someone mutter under their breath, quiet but cutting. 

“That’s kind of fucked up.” 

It was Niall.

And then, everything happened fast.

Water splashed violently as Harry stormed across the pool, his expression thunderous. 

His jaw was clenched, chest heaving slightly as he shoved Ben back with both hands, nearly knocking him off balance.

“What the fuck is your issue?” He roared, loud enough that it echoed.

Ben stumbled, caught off guard, arms flailing for balance, “Jesus, relax—”

But Harry was already turning away from him, walking through the water toward YN.

She froze.

She’d never seen him this angry—never even close.

 It was intense, nearly frightening in its rawness but when he reached her, his expression shifted—anger still simmering beneath the surface, but his voice was calm and firm.

“Get out of the pool,” He said, not a question, “Walk in front of me.”

She knew she looked pitiful—her soaked hair clinging to her cheeks, red-rimmed eyes, lips trembling as she tried to keep her arms folded tightly over her chest.

“Look the other fuckin’ way!” Harry snapped over his shoulder at the group. 

His hand pressed gently to her lower back, guiding her forward with quiet urgency.

Her cheeks were hot and flushed, not just from shame, but from the self-consciousness she’d carried for so long—her chest was small, her nipples puffy in a way Ben had often joked about. 

She hated that people had seen her like this, hated that it had happened in front of him.

Harry  steered her to the side of the pool where the lounge chairs were, grabbed his crumpled t-shirt from a cushion, and without a word, pulled it gently over her head. 

He held it carefully so that she was covered the entire time, only letting go when her arms were through the sleeves and the oversized fabric draped over her hips.

“Thank you,” She sniffled, voice shaky, weak.

Her cheeks burned hotter. 

She didn’t know if she was more embarrassed that people had seen the most insecure part of her body… or that her boyfriend had been the one to expose it, to ridicule her when she was vulnerable.

It was overwhelming.

It was shameful.

Harry’s voice was soft again, quieter now. “I ca—”

“I’m, uh…” She cut in, shaking her head, trying to keep her voice even, it cracked anyway, “I’m just going to go to my room for a bit.”

He didn’t get a chance to respond. 

She was already scurrying off, the hem of his shirt clinging to her wet skin as she fled.

-

Ben followed eventually.

His apology was weak at best. 

More of a backhanded dismissal—mumbling things like, “You can’t take a joke,” and “Sorry you don’t have a sense of humor.”

The cherry on top: “They’re just tits.”

YN kicked him out twice. 

She didn’t show her face the rest of the day.

By the time Ben returned to the room to get ready for dinner, she hadn’t moved from the bed. 

Her back was to him, knees drawn up toward her chest beneath the covers, the TV playing some trashy reality show on low volume.

This wasn’t how she’d imagined her vacation.

Ben came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and an annoyed scowl on his face.

“Why aren’t you getting ready? The dinner reservation’s at seven. Everyone’s going.”

“I don’t feel like it,” YN said softly, voice flat. 

She didn’t look at him.

Ben huffed like he was the one being inconvenienced, “Are you seriously still throwing a temper tantrum about earlier?”

She swallowed down the hurt, tried to steady the anger swirling just beneath her skin, “I said I don’t feel like it.”

“Whatever,” He muttered, grabbing a shirt from his suitcase, “I don’t want you to come if you’re going to have a piss-poor attitude anyway. Fucking bullshit. You always manage to find something wrong.”

-

The house was empty.

Everyone had gone out to dinner.

YN stayed behind.

Eventually, after some mindless comfort TV and a generous handful of junk food, she started to feel the tight grip on her chest begin to loosen.

One of her favorite things to do was go for a night swim—when the sun was setting, and the sky turned neon orange and pink, and the air was still warm but quiet.

So she changed into a fresh bathing suit, assuming her old top was still out on the grass where it had landed, and made her way outside.

The pool was still.

Peaceful.

Exactly what she needed.

She brought a book with her, propping her elbows on the edge of the pool as she read.

“S’that book any good?”

YN screams, a girlish high-pitched yelp because when the fuck did Harry appear?

He was standing towards the shallow end of the pool, still in his short swim shorts and a fresh shirt.

“Jesus,” YN puts a hand on her chest, “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Harry’s mouth curved into a soft smile, eyes crinkling with amusement. 

“Sorry, darling,” he said gently, voice teasing but careful, his steps slow as he approached the edge of the pool.

His voice was warm—teasing, but careful.

Darling.

He’d called that a few times when they’d have private conversations but never in front of others.

“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you go to dinner?” YN asks with confusion, she does a quick glance around and doesn’t see Lauren or anyone else for that matter.

Harry eased down beside her, slipping his feet into the water. 

“Lauren and I weren’t getting along,” He admitted, watching the ripples curl away from his ankles, “I needed a break. She wasn’t too happy about earlier.”

YN wanted to point out that he hadn’t even spent any of the day with her and he needed a break already.

YN’s brows pinched. “Earlier?”

He let out a dry, humorless laugh and shook his head, “Yeah. Georgia told her what happened. She told me I overstepped, that I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Then she asked if I saw your tits.”

YN rolled her eyes, the sound more tired than annoyed, “Did you tell her not to worry? That there’s nothing to see anyway?”

Harry’s eyes snapped to hers, his jaw tightening, “Why would you talk about yourself like that?”

She glanced away, shoulders shrinking in on themselves, feeling put on the spot suddenly, “It’s just the truth. I already feel insecure about them on a good day. And today…” She trailed off, swallowing hard, “It felt like Ben was trying to humiliate me on purpose. Like he wanted to spotlight what I hate most about my body.”

Harry snorted—a sudden, unexpected sound and it made her eyes narrow.

“You think that’s funny?” She asked, the tension in her chest tightening with anger.

“No,” Harry said, shaking his head, his grin still faint, “I think it’s ridiculous that you don’t see yourself the way everyone else does. I’m not trying to be crude or cross any lines, but I did see them—and I was impressed. Genuinely. They’re the prettiest pair I’ve ever seen.”

And just like that, YN’s whole world shifts on it’s axis.

It was inappropriate.


They were both in relationships. 

She wasn’t supposed to like hearing that but the words sank into the cracks Ben had left in her, spreading warmth where there had only been cold, embarrassed silence earlier.

“Okay, Harry,” She bleats , trying to deflect but also maybe fishing for some more compliments.

“What’s wrong with ‘em then?” Harry presses, she swears either she’s drifted closer or he’s scooted towards her subtly because her shoulder was bumping his calf now.

YN flushes at having to point out exactly what was wrong with them,, “I don’t know. I never minded them but Ben always teases me about how small they are, how small my nipples are, how puffy they are.”

Harry brow furrows, “Your own boyfriend is criticizing your body? He’s fucking blind and a douchebag. I’m not saying it just to say it. I’m a man and I can appreciate a nice pair of tits. And I am fully certified to say that.”

YN can’t help but giggle, easily when a wider grin breaks out on his face like he was pleased with himself for being able to make her laugh.

To hear that her crush thought she was attractive, at least that her breasts were, did something crazy with boosting her ego.

And then, without warning, he tugged off his shirt and slipped into the pool. 

The water rose and shifted around him, glinting in the sunset light. 

He carefully closed her book and set it aside so it wouldn’t get wet.

The quiet intimacy of it made something twist deep in her stomach.

“Why are you with him?” Harry asked after a long beat, moving further into the water. 

His voice was low, thoughtful—but there was a thread of tension under it.

YN’s taken back by the question, “I…What?”

“He treats you like shit, YN. You should break up with him over what happened earlier, let alone all the shit I’ve seen in the past,” Harry tells her with seriousness, “You deserve a million times better than a prick like him. Seriously, fuck him. No one here likes him.”

And YN…well no one had told her that before but she kenw that her friends only put up with Ben because they loved her but otherwise, he wouldn’t be a part of their friend group.

“No real man would’ve let you stand there like that, exposed and crying,” Harry continued, his voice rising just a touch, “And no decent man would say something cruel about your body.”

“He can have an opinion about how he feels about my ches-”


“No, YN. No, he really fuckin’ can’t,” Harry says firmly cutting her off, “He should love every part of you, puffy, small, or elsewise.”

Something hot and sharp flared in her.

“You can say that because your girlfriend has like perfect boobs,” YN points out, nose scrunching with frustration.

Harry shakes his head, “Did you not hear me earlier? I told you that you have the prettiest pair I’ve seen. It’s not a god damn competetion but I’m actively telling you what Ben said isn’t true.”

She rolled her eyes, muttering, “You’re romanticizing them. You saw them for all of two seconds.”

“Then show them to me again.”

Their eyes lock, YN is trying to play the words again and again because what the fuck, what the fuck, what the actual fuck?

Time stopped.

Her brain scrambled to process what he just said, but her hands were already moving, her thumbs hooked under the cups of her bikini top.

She should stop. 

She should stop.

But she didn’t.

She pulled the fabric down.

The sun had dipped just low enough to cast everything in soft, pink-orange light. 

The water shimmered against her skin, droplets clung to the curve of her breasts, and her nipples, tight from the cold, pebbled beneath Harry’s gaze.

“Fuck,” Harry curses as he comes towards her, his hand reaches out but he stops himself, his voice hoarse and raspy in a way he’s never heard, “Can I?”


And YN finds herself nodding with a dry throat, watching him carefully as his hand comes up to cup one of them, and it is fully engulfed by his palm, and he squeezes.

YN can’t help the slight gasp that leaves her lips when he thumbs over her nipple.

She jerked away, yanking her top back up like it burned her, “I can’t—fuck, we can’t do this.”

Harry froze, instantly sobering. 

His expression crumpled slightly, regret written all over his features, “Shit. YN, I didn’t mean to—can we just—”

But she was already moving, already climbing out of the pool as fast as she could, water sloshing at her knees, heart pounding in her chest like it was trying to warn her:

Too far.

[2-faded-memory-2]

Oh that is an absolutely amazing read of that actually. I havent even gotten through the bachelors route yet (istg im gonna im just grounded rn) but just based on the fan content ive seen and the video essays n reviews and stuff i absolutely believe that, and just based on what i know about the bachelor in general

You ever think of Isador and Daniil’s friendship? Cause I do. I think about it a lot.

(I’m referring to Patho classic cause so far in my gameplay of Patho 2 it seems that Daniil has a slightly different backstory as to how he got to the town)

But like, they were friends and I feel crazy because no one talks about it. Like they exchanged letters. Daniil tells Yulia that he knows what a Shabnak is because Isador told him. Daniil trusts what Rubin is doing because it’s based on Isador’s notes, and when Artemiy tells Daniil that he has his father’s notes on him Daniil asks to see them.

Like I know when we think of the people who are grieving we think of the town and Artemiy. But like, do you think Daniil grieves his friend? Do you think Daniil feels like he just about missed him? After all he arrives to the town the very night Isador is murdered.

When he’s hunting for the murderer of Simon Kain do you think he was relieved to go see Isador? After having found out his journey was doomed from the start do you think he wanted to talk not just about his task from the Kains, but to his friend? To discuss their lives without the barrier of hundreds of miles and the delivery time of letters?

Do you think that he was not just devastated to find his life work in jeprody again, but also his friend, the man who’s extended a helping hand when he was in need, dead? Murdered? By his own son no less?

Do you think he misses the practicality having his friend would bring? How his wishes for a quarentine get ignored by the towns people, but if Isador was here, if his friend were still alive, the quarantines would work and more people would be saved?

I don’t know man I just keep coming back to it.

[luveline]

𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐨𝐤 —

i'm watching season two of criminal minds and getting very sad and frustrated about how no one is noticing spencer's withdrawals. could you maybe do one where bau!reader notices that he's not okay and confronts him about it? our baby boy deserves all the help he can get at this point 🥲 love you endlessly!

love you!! cw drug use

"What are you doing?" you ask. 

Spencer pushes his book toward you wordlessly, an intimidating tome of Russian literature. 

"No, like, what are you doing?" 

Spencer sits up. His sunken eyes look for your tell, a twitch in your lips like this might be a bluff, but there's no feigned emotion to be found. "I don't know what you're asking me." 

"Is it downers?" 

A spark of life behind tired eyes, his face contorted by anger, Spencer hisses, "What are you talking about?" 

"Oxycontin? Xanax? Half the time you're looking at us like you hate us and the rest of the time you're quiet." 

"I don't– you're being ridiculous," Spencer says. 

"Your hands are shaking, Spence." You cross your arms over your chest and take a step closer to his desk. While you'd asked him somewhere far from private, driven by a need for truth, you care about him —that's why you're asking. You know you've gone about this all wrong. "You're coming down," you whisper, "and it looks painful." 

Spencer just stares at you. 

"Why don't we go to the cafeteria? Get something warm to eat?" you suggest. He's lost weight he didn't have to lose lately. 

"I'm never hungry," he says. 

You take it for a confession, an admittance that he's been doing something he shouldn't be. Withdrawal and drug use alike can cause a lack of appetite. Maybe he's upset you've brought it up, just… 

"I can't watch you being not okay anymore," you say. 

His surprise is obvious. "I didn't think anybody noticed." 

You can't speak for the others or their motivations. All you know is that you care about him too much to pretend it isn't happening. You'd hoped Spencer would tell you about it himself, if he needed help. You hadn't realised that might come off as you not paying attention.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me, I shouldn't have– I'm sorry for being sudden."

"I haven't exactly been approachable," Spencer says bitterly. 

"I love you," you say. "Be a dick if you want. But I love you and I want you to eat more than dried fruit, so. Come with me for dinner." 

Spencer stands up quietly, no fuss. He pulls his jacket on and unlucky his hair from the collar, expression like a lost puppy looking down at you. You stare at him, his under eyes dark as wine and the slight hollow of his cheeks, the stubble like a shadow on his jaw. 

You go up on tiptoes and wrap your arms around him. "I just want to know what's wrong so I can be here for you," you say, crushing his hair to his neck with your cheek. You readjust your hands, trying to convey how you feel, the want to hold him together, put his misaligned pieces back in the right place. "I don't want you to be alone." 

Spencer clears his throat, but he hugs you back in his way, making himself smaller and shorter to fit in your embrace. 

"It'll be okay. Yeah?" You speak into his hair, a reassurance for him alone.

Spencer just hugs you harder.