#First! You'd better be damn right about it being wrong (which you're not)

[mariana-oconnor]

Saw that post saying 'explain your job in the simplest/worst way possible' the other day, but I don't know where to find it again. And today has very determinedly reminded me of this:

My job - Explaining to people from other countries who think they speak my native tongue - that I have a literal degree in - more fluently than I do, that no, in fact, they do not.

[acid-ixx]

Wouldn’t it be funny if Reader shows just a tiny amount of happiness to any one of the batfam, and the next thing you know they try their best to make Reader to do it again.

Example:

Dick:Makes a silly joke

Reader: Actually smiles and laughs at it

Dick: gloats about it to the fam

The BatFam: practically on all fours chasing after Reader to try and make them laugh

Don’t stress out with your writings (btw love your ‘again & again’ series❤️)

Take your time and don’t forget to drink water🫶🫶🫶

laughter is the best medicine

ft. yan! dick grayson, jason todd, and damian wayne

— masterlist !

more beneath the cut ! fluff ? with a mix of yandereness is my thing hehe. i love this ask sm <3 you guys are being fed well today !!!

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.

ugh they're the definition of giving someone an inch and they'll be taking a mile. it would especially be annoying if it were dick on the receiving end of the line. but even if he'd be the one you'd take most precaution to, don't underestimate just how much your opinion holds the most value in the family. so they'll most definitely gloat about their achievement of making you smile or hell, even leaning against their shoulder willingly calls for a celebration.

trust me when i say that living in a stuffy manor already sucks, and they don't exactly like seeing you sulk and merely rot in your bed all day. so like any loving family would do, they'll try their damn best to at least see a quirk of your mouth or that faint glimmer in your that dick oh-so enchantingly talk about.

so it comes to them in the form of a surprise that one day, when your oldest brother accidentally trips over one of your expensive novelty ballpen, instead of nearly shouting at him for breaking one of your favorites, it was the "oomph!" sound his throat makes and his wide eyes when his ass directly landed on the floor that makes you crack into small giggles.

if it weren't for his enhanced hearing, dick would've crossed out your laughter as a hallucination, a product of imagination, something entirely impossible to produce, but no.

he had proven himself wrong.

once he turns back at you, he sees the crinkle of your eyes and your palm trying to cover your shit eating grin. the plump of your cheeks are so accentuated that he forgets the initial embarrassment he feels in the first place, replaced with awe at just how artfully captivating his sibling looks; sitting by

it's like a painting, he wishes it was. he wishes tim would be quick enough to capture the succession of your smiles in the live camera feed.

all because he couldn't believe it. couldn't believe that his baby bird is laughing. they're laughing and they look so mirthful and full of life when doing so.

yes, you're laughing at him, at his stupidity for being unable to detect a mere ballpen despite being trained to locate every known obstacle in a field.

but fuck, he was already raised at a circus to fulfill the role of an acrobat who entertains the crowd. what more could it be if that means he could play the role of a clown for you, his baby bird worth more than a thousand lives, whose laughter is equivalent to the immense euphoria that is filling his entire being?

give him an inch and he'll take an entire mile.

the next day, you'd be greeted with... a lot of peculiar instances within your family. all of which you would laugh at because it's not typical that your family displays mistakes, and you feel a bit better about yourself when their imperfections seem to seep out of their being— or maybe it's just your thoughts eating you up again, because is it just you or did jason, tim, and even damian, manage to at least trigger a reaction out of you?

tim would accidentally end up drinking orange juice right after brushing his teeth. his cringing expression, choked gargling and immense spitting is enough to guarantee a light chuckle from your seated form as you ate your cereal in peace, watching him as he tries to rid of the bitter taste on his tongue. although, bitter as it may, the sweetness and the aching of his tooth overpowers the regret he fills for gulping an entire bottle of orange juice down his throat.

he's so glad that he had set up multiple cameras and recorders at different angles prior to your time spent with him because he just couldn't stop watching your reaction in loop whilst he tried to continue his investigations within gotham's latest crime news. yet no matter how hard he attempts to control himself, his eyes couldn't stop looming over to your form, finding your reaction too incredibly cute to be ignored. yeah, he'll do his duties later. for now, he just needs to... screenshot every single frame of your expressions.

jason isn't much of a joker but when reading you one of your favorite stories, he had managed to mispronounce one of the words so badly that it ruined the narrative of the classical book he was voice acting for you. it was a stupid thing to laugh at, but for a guy like jason, who was an english nerd in his very prime, it would be hilarious— especially when his gothamite accent seeps into his vocabulary; which is very unbefitting for the voice of a character who was a princess that loves to wear frilly, pink dresses.

imagine a man, with a growl that vibrates through his skull, and muscles that bulge through his shirt, voices a princess of all people! his high pitched register for the character was already grating to your ears, but the sudden shift from an airy and girlish to deep and gruff with an added effect of a voice crack at the word "cake" was enough to let you burst out into laughs, your giggles echoing through the comfortable silence of the manor's library. for the first time in a while, you let jason wrap his arms around your shoulder, asking for your input about his tremendous acting skills.

jason never had many moments to cherish within the manor, preferring to stay over and outside of bruce's radar, but god does he love going through the batcave's live feed just to zoom in on your expressions, the grin on your face heavily reminds him of himself, back when he was the oblivious robin with no idea of what was coming to him. yet only now, he swears to protect your smile from never faltering.

damian takes his artistry skills seriously, constantly making a show of bragging to you whenever he has the opportunity to. but this time, he was incredibly pissed at drake for accidentally squeezing all the paint from the tube of oil paints he had stored by the drawers, and it was a shade closest to your skin tone, too; he meant to use that tube of paint for his next portrait of you. so like the petty child he is, damian sets on an hour long routine of drawing tim with monstrous features that screams the opposite of what he sports.

that means he had drawn multiple variants of tim with a hideous, actual bowl cut one. no seriously, his hair was a bowl and the strands that peeked out of it were spaghetti strands. in another drawing, his red robin outfit consists of plucked feathers and an elongated beak for its mask, what seems to be the pocket for the eyes now replaced with cat-like slits that makes the vigilantes expression looker idiotic and downright stupid. yet it felt therapeutic for damian to draw that his brother with what he felt was enough revenge to exact upon drake. that scum deserved a horrendously made portrait of him.

what he didn't expect was that you had stumbled upon his atelier, wanting to cure your boredom by painting a scenery when all of a sudden you had to drop all your equipment from your hands because... what the fuck was damian painting...? why is tim crawling across the floor in one of the portraits...? it takes a second or two for you to register the drawing's very detailed portrayal of a literal bowl cut, your laughter bursting out of the seams because no fucking way did damian actually draw something so hilarious and unserious. if you were anybody else, damian would've kicked your shins so violently you would've required a visit to the hospital. but because it's you... he chooses to sulk in the corner with puffed cheeks and burning ears as you approach the painting with said curiosity of a child and a laughter you can't stifle so easily.

at least it got you to stay in the same room as him for about an hour, with you giving your youngest brother more ideas to make the drawings even more unsettling than they already were, to which damian takes your tips to heart.

after you had eagerly (and shyly) showed the entire family you and damian's shared creation of a monstrosity, tim swears he'll never squeeze a tube of damian's paint anymore.

[flamingtouya]

𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐩 (𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞) —

pairing: dabi + f!reader

word count: 4381

cw: getting to know each other (against your better intuition), flirting, bad flirting,some explicit language but nothing too bad, no quirk AU, dabi commits a crime or two

summary: In which Dabi meant to text Toga instead of a random stranger. But these things happen, and you were never one to shy away from troublesome men. This whole thing is told entirely through text messages.

a/n: check out my AO3 for different formatting! :)

Mar 02  10:07 PM

Unknown: Grab bleach while you’re out Unknown: And paper towels

You: who is this??

Unknown: So funny

You: u got the wrong number my guy 

Unknown: Shit Unknown: You don’t happen to have some bleach at your disposal rn? 

You: try the convenience store You: where’s the body at, anyways

Unknown: Ohara street by the fitness park, you should come check it out

You: sounds enticing You: i’ve always wanted to be on a true crime podcast

You: sort of expected myself to be the alive one though

Unknown: I was taught that women tend to be smart about stranger danger and stuff Unknown: You're out to prove me wrong

You: how’d you know i’m a woman? 🤨

Unknown: U sound cute Unknown: And men don’t listen to true crime

You: that’s so sexist You: and correct You: you'd do numbers on reddit

Mar 03 00:16 AM

You: hey don’t leave now

Mar 03 00:34 AM

Unknown: Had a body to take care of

You: you didn’t wait for me? :(

Unknown: … Unknown: Are u fr

You: ofc not You: i don’t hang out with edgelords

Unknown: Whatever u r probably boring anyways

You: entertaining enough for u to keep texting me

Unknown: We all have our moments of weakness 

Mar 03 01:09 AM

Unknown: So wyd

You: you don’t have anybody else to bother?

Unknown: I do Unknown: I want to bother you tho

You: damn, what’d i do to deserve this

Unknown: Is that a complaint

You: i have uni tomorrow and ur buzzing keeps waking me up

Unknown: Mute your phone, stupid 

You: can’t mute unknown numbers

Unknown: Save this one then Unknown: Or block me idc

You: what name should i put it under

Unknown: Dabi 

You: lmao i knew you were an edgelord

Dabi: Stfu

You: good night to you too

Mar 03  07:58 AM

You: fuck

Mar 03 3:56 PM

Dabi: Did you miss me that bad 

Mar 03 4:32 PM

You: i overslept and am blaming you entirely

Mar 03 5:19 PM 

Dabi: Sucks to be a useful member to society

You: why what do you do

Dabi: I'm actually a bit of a part-time freelancer, you regular uni folk just wouldn't get it

You: freelancing around ohara at 1 in the morning sounds like the truly fulfilling purpose we all long for You: did you just get up

Dabi: Hey now  Dabi: Yes  Dabi: I’m still in bed technically, looking at the ceiling fan is so interesting when I don't want to move a muscle

You: you are everything I am jealous of

Dabi: I promise you it’s not that good 

You: first time a guy’s been honest right away. i applaud u

Dabi: Omg no way 

Mar 03 5:40 PM

You: no way what

Dabi: No way you said something witty 

Dabi: Maybe you’re fun after all

You: i’ll have u know that deep down, i’m just a fragile being trying to make it thru this bitch of a world, running on fumes and caffeine all while chasing a childhood dream that i'll never be able to reach anyways because of my parents' expectations of me crushing my soul

Dabi: Damn, being vulnerable already 

You: your turn

Dabi: I’m not sad. My life is great and my parents never expected anything of me

Dabi: That was a lie 

You: so you’re a liar

Dabi: I suppose I might be

You: that counts as being vulnerable. i’m so proud of us. &lt;3

Mar 03 9:12 PM

You: you probably have daddy issues

Mar 03 11:34 PM 

Dabi: Mind your business 

You: so i’m right

Dabi: Nosy sounds more like it

You: that’s a yes then

Dabi: When I tell you he SUCKS so bad 

You: LMAO You: i’m guessing you don’t particularly like your family then

Dabi: It's not the type of stuff I'd tell anybody, especially not to some nosy individual whose number is one or two digits off

You: alright i’ll stop digging You: wait how old are you You: am i talking to some 50 y/o dude You: please no

Mar 04 00:02 AM

Dabi: Chill I’m 48

Mar 04 00:06 AM 

You: say sike right now You: if u rly are then i’m half your age

Dabi: You thought Dabi: Are you actually 24 tho

You: give or take a few days lol

Dabi: When’s your birthday 

You: do you want my social and tax numbers while we’re at it

Dabi: Stfu I wanna see if I’m older 

You: 🤨 You: it’s at the end of this month

Dabi: Baby 

You: are u flirting with me or insulting me

Dabi: Can’t I be doing both 

Mar 04 06:30 AM

You: love me a guy who can multitask You: did you ever get your bleach and paper towels

Mar 04 11:11 AM

You: it’s 11:11 make a wish

Mar 04 2:02 PM

You: my wish is that you’d commit to a humane sleeping schedule

Mar 04 2:59 PM 

Dabi: Anybody hear sum 

You: i heard you’re a lazy bitch You: who doesn’t even do his own grocery shopping

Dabi: Maybe I do. Maybe I got the bleach all on my own like a big boy

You: X

Dabi: What's that mean

You: X for doubt You: it’s a meme

Dabi: Here I thought we were about to get spicy 😔

You: ew

Dabi: I was joking  Dabi: …unless 

You: has anybody ever told you that your flirting is immaculate

Mar 04 7:10 PM

Dabi: What do you study 

You: are you trying to find out my location

Dabi: Let it be known I’m terrible at geography and if I wanted to stalk you I'd already be on it

You: that’s a consolation You: forensic science You: i actually can’t wait for the semester to be over bc my professor is one of the most annoying individuals i have ever had the displeasure of meeting

Dabi: So you do have bleach 

You: never said i didn’t

Dabi: What do I have to do to make the list of annoying individuals. What's my current score

You: we haven’t met You: and i’m not sure if i’d survive u

Dabi: You have a point, I'm super nice tho

You: bet You: are you handsome You: asking for a friend You: the handsome ones are usually more annoying

Dabi: I'll say I’m frighteningly unique-looking 

You: ...well played

Mar 04 10:09 PM 

Dabi: My boss is making me do errand work in the morning like I'm some kind of functioning human being with principles Dabi: The next piercing I’m getting is a lobotomy 

You: thought you were “freelancing”

Dabi: Freelancing only gets you so far. You'll understand when you're my age

You: can't imagine what the back pain must be like You: do you have a tongue piercing 👀

Dabi: Perhaps I do

You: u r so mysterious You: tell me an opinion 

Dabi: Mint ice cream makes my teeth feel weird 

You: that’s not an opinion 

Dabi: Alright, more foods should have mint in them. And coriander. I want to make things inedible for 80% of the human population

You: nvm keep your opinions to yourself 

Mar 05 02:26 AM

Dabi: I've gotta burn this number. Txt u in a few 

Mar 05 05:16 AM

You: what are you, some kind of druglord This message could not be delivered.

You: I knew it This message could not be delivered.

Mar 0512:03 PM

You: ayo are you still there This message could not be delivered.

You: this is only funny if you come clean right now This message could not be delivered.

Mar 05 4:16 PM

You: "text you in a few" minutes? hours? days? This message could not be delivered.

You: just know that if it takes to long i'll forget about u This message could not be delivered.

You: won't even miss u This message could not be delivered.

Mar 06 09:00 AM

You: hello is this thing on This message could not be delivered.

Mar 07 3:15 PM

You: my social security number is 6007 0023 6799 0324 This message could not be delivered.

Mar 07 8:46 PM

You: eggs, vinegar, panko, sprite, sliced ham, parmesan, deodorant sencha if they have the good one ground pepper, lemon juice This message could not be delivered.

Mar 08 04:44 AM

Unknown: Am I still the man of ur dreams

You: I'm killing you You: violently

Unknown: I was hoping softly Unknown: With your song

You: are these messages being monitored You: am i a suspect

Unknown: If they were, could I write that I'm a ruthless baby killer anti-government fuck the police pro abortion the prime minister is an idiot bomb. bomb at the airport, terrorism, detonate Unknown: I guess now they are

Dabi was added as a contact.

You: just when i thought i'd have to find another witty asshole with a tongue piercing

Dabi: Aw you missed me Dabi: Does my tongue piercing make me hot be honest

You: what are my chances of getting an explanation for the past few days You: are u a murderer fr, that would be so cool You: i totally didn't use our abandoned chat as a grocery list btw

Dabi: The only thing I slay is pussy 😎

You: somehow i have doubts about that statement You: animal abuse is no joke

Dabi: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100, if you guess it correctly I'll tell u everything

You: 69

Mar 08 08:21 AM

Dabi: It was 72 Dabi: Because you were so close I'll give u one free question. But I want another one in return

You: you're a dirty little gremlin who plays dirty little games You:: do i get to ask a follow-up question

Dabi: No

You: in that case You: which of the following activities did you partake in? 1.) vandalism 2.) drug dealing 3.) drug trafficking 4.) violent crimes 5.) violent crimes that resulted in the death of one or more individuals 6.) assisting someone in a violent crime 7.) assisting someone in a non-violent crime 8.) theft 9.) robbery 10.) hate crimes against a minority 11.) politically motivated acts of defiance 12.) consumption of illegal substances 13.) running and/or hiding from law enforcement 14.) domestic terrorism 15.) human trafficking 16.) money laundering 17.) having a good time

Dabi: What the fuck Dabi: What is this, a multiple choice? Dabi: 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 13 Dabi: My turn Dabi: What's your favourite food

You: fr, just like that You: that's your one question out of everything you could ask? am i really that boring

Dabi: I ask what I ask

You: spicy miso ramen with minced pork You: can we go back to the part where you ran from law enforcement

Dabi: Don't we all have demons that we run from Dabi: Mine are just a bit more persistent

Mar 08 10:52 AM

You: i want another question

Dabi: If you come up with one that's not related to the past few days, go ahead

You: fine i'll take it You: have you ever been caught and gotten in legal trouble for one of your… dubious activities

Dabi: Yeah

You: …and?

Dabi: That's another question. Gonna trade?

You: fine

Dabi: When I was 16, two Officers Of The Law 🐷 caught me dumpster diving behind a 7/11 Dabi: The dumpster diving wasn't the crime but because it was on private property they charged me with trespassing

You: damn, that's a lot of truth from u in just two sentences You: i wanna know ur tragic backstory so bad

Dabi: You could try to get me all sentimental for the 6 minutes after really good sex before the post nut clarity sets in

You: uh huh, taking notes You: anyway. you get one question. think hard

Dabi: If you couldn't have minced pork on your ramen, what would your second topping choice be

You: you're impossible

Mar 08 1:27 PM

You: tori karaage or extra ni-tamago i guess

Mar 08 2:23 PM

Dabi: Doesn't the Karaage lose its crispiness if it's in the broth for too long Dabi: I wouldn't know

You: please let me recommend you a good ramen place, you seem like you'd need it

Dabi: You have no idea. Take me out

You: like romantically? or are you asking me to murder you

Dabi: I love surprises

You: i just laughed out loud in the middle of my lecture

Mar 08 7:18 PM

Dabi: Need your forensic expertise for a sec

You: …oh no

Dabi: It's a purely hypothetical scenario

You: alright lay it on me big boy

Dabi: If a 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person were to climb over a 4,60 meter high fence that has electrical wiring on it Dabi: What would the most likely way for them to die be?

You: this is not forensic at all You: how strong is the electricity You: is there a way to shut it off You: where would you hold onto the fence You: can it be damaged

Dabi: Not me, a 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person

You: where would THE 176 CM TALL AND 67 KG HEAVY PERSON HOLD ONTO THE FENCE

Dabi: The only points that provide decent grip surface are the hooks holding the wires in place

You: so the most likely way to die would be electrocution You: will that be all

Dabi: How would one determine whether the electricity has been properly shut off Dabi: In the theoretical scenario that you couldn't get close enough to hear

You: the 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person should tap the wiring from the bottom with the back of their hand You: that way their fingers curl downwards and not around the wire You: so the person won't DIE from ELECTROCUTION

Mar 09 00:08 AM

Dabi: Excellent Dabi: Gonna do some field research Dabi: Will report back in maybe a day

Mar 09 08:01 AM

You: i'm gonna be so mad if you die before you've had decent karaage This message could not be delivered.

Mar 11 6:10 PM

Unknown: So it turns out that the person did not have to climb the fence after all. Pliers are such useful tools Unknown: Thanks for the electricity tip tho

Mar 11 6:39 PM

Dabi was added as a contact.

You: you're so hot when you're alive 

Mar 11 9:14 PM

Dabi: Do u think I'm a catch 😏

You: judging by the way law enforcement is trying to get their hands on you, i'd say you're pretty slippery

Dabi: The slipperiest Dabi: You couldn't handle me

You: i'd trap you using cheese and a paper box  You: put you in a jar and turn you into spicy miso broth 

Dabi: Would you hold the jar tight at night and tell me everything's going to be okay 

You: of course 

Dabi: I'm liking this scenario 

Mar 12 01:07 AM 

Dabi: Ever thought about what Mint Karaage would taste like

Mar 12 01:23 AM

You: i need u 

Dabi: Tell me more

You: to shut your mouth

Dabi: Are you trying to romance me

Mar 12 07:15 AM

You: i'm actually so upset right now  You: can i vent

Mar 12 07:27 AM

Dabi: Listening Dabi: Am I gonna have to get the tissues out

You: you're not empathetic enough for that 

Dabi: How would you know 

You: call it a woman's intuition  You: i just need someone to bother about my hot girl troubles

Dabi: Let's hear it girl  Dabi: Men ain't shit 💅

You: damn right they aren't You: but unrelated to that You: i ran out of my medication a few days ago and thought if i stretched the remaining 3 pills to last me 6 days i'd be able to make it till the end of the week  You: now my doctor's office is closed and i can't seem to get an appointment anywhere You: and i'm super jittery and on edge and almost had a panic attack just trying to make coffee

Dabi: What type of medication 

You: Ativan You: it's prescription only

Dabi: Nothing is ever "prescription only" 

You: i'm not gonna try some experimential backalley drug You: just feel like dying rn

Dabi: Who said anything about backalley? You actually came to the right guy for this  Dabi: What's the name of the nearest druggery 

You: ...fukuju pharmacy

Dabi: So I've been talking to a Setagaya girl 

You: only moved here for uni, hate to disappoint if ur expecting a wealthy maiden 

Mar 12 10:02 AM

Dabi: Don't you feel like getting a snack from the vending machine  Dabi: Specifically the one next to the pharmacy  Dabi: A bag of skittles sounds nice, doesn't it?

You: ? ? ?

Mar 12 10:34 AM 

You: did you commit a crime for me  You: how did you get your hands on actual fucking Ativan this fast

Dabi: I don't kiss and tell

You: did you follow me home  You: is this how i die

Dabi: You make it so hard to be nice to you Dabi: What do you think I am, a creep

You: if you were here i'd suck you off so good rn

Dabi: Whore Dabi: (Respectfully)

You: lmao ur right You: thank you for real though

Dabi: Stfu

Mar 12 1:33 PM

Dabi: Do u like cats

You: yes

Dabi sent an image.

Dabi: Noodle thieving menace 

You: 🥹 You: that has got to be the fattest street cat i’ve ever seen

Dabi: He’s hella fast 

You: how does it feel to be the one chasing the culprit for once

Dabi: Not nearly as thrilling as being the one committing the crime 

Mar 13 00:00 AM

Unknown: Congratulations! You have been selected as an eligible member for a free trial of Osaka Daily Post. Unknown: If you would like information about your benefits, reply 'BENEFIT' Unknown: If you would like to stop receiving these messages, reply 'STOP' 

You: i know it's you shithead

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: this is the unfunniest you've ever been ngl

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: you're truly one of the most annoying individuals in my life

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: STOP

Unknown: LMAO you thought

Dabi was saved as a contact. 

You: i'm reconsidering if the tongue piercing is really worth it 😤

Mar 13 04:55 AM

Dabi: Any particular reason why you chose forensics 

Mar 13 06:09 AM

You: i've always admired criminals but been to scared to become one You: and if i know about psychotic assholes it might help me to steer clear of them, or so i thought

Dabi: Is it working

You: evidently not

Dabi: Use me in ur thesis  Dabi: I'll be your lab rat

You: nah you're more beneficial to me when you're not stuck behind bars You: what do you have me saved as in your phone

Dabi: I don't save contacts  Dabi: Especially not yours  Dabi: You mean nothing to me 

You: aww do you know my number by heart, that's adorable You: i'm kinda genuinely impressed at how persistent you are at bothering me, it's almost like you like me or smth

Dabi: No fr though lmao if anybody finds my phone you'd be on a list

You: do u delete these chats

Dabi: Always

You: that's so romantic You: admit it you're actually a softie

Dabi: Would that make you more interested in me  Dabi: Then I'm the softest 

You: what do i need to do to make you the hardest

Dabi: ... Dabi: There's absolutely no correct way for me to respond to that  Dabi: You've left me speechless 

You: 🥵🥵

Dabi: What's your worst quality  Dabi: Besides being an irresistible smartass  Dabi: *irritating 

You: was that a freudian slip You: you're so obsessed with me it's adorable

Dabi: Proving my point so diligently 

You: you don't seem like the kind of person who would use words like 'diligently' You: i'm rather talkative at times You: to the point where it gets unbearable to listen to me

Dabi: I never would've guessed

You: what's yours? You: besides the obvious

Dabi: Still putting up with you 

Mar 13 7:45 PM

Dabi: Wyd 

You: i burned my rice a little You: but it's edible

Dabi: Don't you have a rice cooker? Who raised you 

You: my very strict but sweet and committed grandmother who made the best teriyaki salmon in the whole world You: i'd kill another human being to eat her home cooked food one more time

Dabi: So your parents ain't shit either 

You: eh, they're alright You: they're Business People overseas and aren't around a whole lot, means i get my own place though You: so i can have visitors at any desired hour 😏

Dabi: Omg sick Dabi: Me next

You: it was implied

Mar 13 11:11 PM

Dabi: Ok but do u actually wanna meet up sometime  Dabi: No strings attached ofc 

You: i'm down

Dabi: What if I'm a creep after all

You: if anything, it means i won't have to attend my lecture about carbon dots tmrw

Dabi: I can't tomorrow  Dabi: What about the day after Dabi: I'll give u my credit card info if it makes you feel more safe, don't bother trying to buy anything with it tho, you'll be disappointed

You: you may not show it a whole lot, but are you actually a considerate person? You: the day after sounds good

Dabi: Preem

You: oreryu shio ramen, right by harajuku station You: about time you had some good karaage You: my treat You: unless that's too far away for u

Dabi: I would fly across the world for u Dabi: Yes Harajuku works fine

Mar 14 08:49 AM

You: how will i recognise u You: what do u look like

Dabi: As my dad once said. I'm impossible to miss 

You: i laughed

Dabi: Guess it was all worth it then  Dabi: Do tattoos scare you

You: i was gonna ask cause there's no way you got only a tongue piercing and nothing else You: stand there with your tongue out

Dabi: Shouldn't we at least get to know each other before 😳

You: don't get any ideas  You: i don't intend to fuck u You: ...for now

Dabi: That's a relief, I thought I might have to file a restraining order afterwards 

Mar 14 1:42 PM 

Dabi sent an image. 

Dabi: If u see this guy u can still run the other way 

You: hhh fuck You: are u trying to intimidate me You: how do you have so many tattoos but no bedframe

Dabi: Cut me some slack, I just moved into this place 

You: fair warning i'm not as hot as u

Dabi: Bet 

You sent an image. 

Dabi: Why do women always lie. I thought you were better. I thought you were different

You: 😳 You: i'm actually worse

Dabi: We're such a good match

You: don't get ahead of urself. u r still a guy with no bedframe

Dabi: Please shut up

Mar 14 4:16 PM

Dabi: To be clear I'm not bringing flowers or anything  Dabi: And I'm actually willing to let you pay this time lol 

You: you have such a unique way with words 

Dabi: A bit tight on money rn but I'll pay u back some other way 

You: can we make that the first line in our sextape  You: dw i said it's my treat and i mean it You: does that make you feel emasculated

Dabi: Who would I be to say no to free food tf Dabi: If there's a next time I can take you out for drinks  Dabi: Nothing fancy but an old friend of mine owns a bar downtown and his girlfriend mixes a killer mule 

You: if you're gonna poison me after gaining my trust over my favourite food i will be incredibly sad 

Dabi: Give me some credit here. I'm trusting u to not rat me out to law enforcement 

You: you're giving me ideas You: is there a bounty on your head

Dabi: I'm not that important 

Mar 14 9:44 PM

You: so you're just too good to get caught

Dabi: Both flattering and factually correct Dabi: For the record I've never harmed anybody that didn't deserve it 

You: thanks for clarifying  You: i feel so safe now 

Dabi: Anytime  Dabi: If you're having second thoughts lmk before 10 am so I won't spend time getting ready for nothing 

You: 10 am is crazy  You: u r so vain 

Dabi: Alright then I won't 😔

You: i take it back You: be pretty for me

Mar 15 5:30 AM

You: can't sleep 

Mar 15 7:12 AM

Dabi: How the turntables  Dabi: Are you alright

You: yes  You: it's the good kind of sleepless 

Dabi: It's fine if you're having second thoughts, I won't hold it against you at all  Dabi: Just texting like this is nice too

You: fuck no i wanna meet the man behind the screen You: the myth, the legend, the crimelord himself 

Dabi: I'm never showing consideration for ur wellbeing ever again 

You: should've ghosted me before i got attached

Mar 15 9:54 AM

Dabi: Last chance to bail gracefully  

You: you make it so tempting 

Dabi: Getting out of bed then 

You: it's not a bed if it doesn't have a bedframe

Dabi: Shut, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, the hell your mouth

Mar 15 12:08 PM

Dabi sent a location pin.

Dabi: Is this the place

You: that's the one  You: be there in a few minutes 

Dabi: I'm waiting outside 

Mar 15 12:13 PM

You: omg i think i see u You: im shy

Dabi: U literally have so much blackmail material on me 

You: give me a second You: alright I'm coming over This message could not be delivered.

[meeludrawz]

Shigaraki dating & other hcs

🐀 Says "Damn it" a little bit too much 🐀 "Fuck off" to people who annoys him (aka Toga, Twice & sometimes Dabi) 🐀 Very silent, only speaks up when he disagrees, complains or when someone's talking to him 🐀 When he doesn't like something, no matter how small or irrelevant that thing is, he wants to dust it, because it "Pisses him off" 🐀 Sarcastic most of the time and when pissed (for real this time), he quickly jumps to threats or insults 🐀 DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO COOK, only microwave stuff 🐀 Picky eater, but not overly picky 🐀 HATES it when you're upset, mostly when you're on the verge of tears, he just wants you to be happy and it breaks his heart seeing you cry. But of course, he'll never admit that so he'll say that it annoys or pisses him. 🐀 Very VERY observant, he'll notice right away if you have new clothes, a new shampoo, if you had a bad night or if something troubles you 🐀 Has a very good memory, he easily remembers important dates, the small habits that you have or where you last put your keys 🐀 Talking about good memory and being observing, he learns very fast. You're teaching him how to drive? He already knows the basic of course (GTA) but also by looking at you driving 🐀 He could also learn how to cook if he observed you but he just loves when you do it <3 🐀 Shigaraki analyzes very quickly, he's an overthinker, which benefits him for his job. Not so much on relationships, so at the beginning he might have insecurities towards you. So you two need to ✨ communicate ✨ 🐀 After that, once he knows for sure that you love him, his overthinking will be sent towards what gift you want for christmas or something 🐀 He loves roadtrips with you, he would stick his arms or head out of the window, not dramatically, he's not stupid, it's dangerous, but just a bit, because he loves the feeling of freedom 🐀 He also loves watching the landscapes passing by, it feels refreshing as he almost never goes out of town due to his "job"

🐀He loves hearing you sing. He loves your voice, no matter what it sounds like because he sees how happy you are, judging by your dancing and the sparks in your eyes, and he thinks that's perfect 🐀Now let's talk about kisses, at first he was unsure about them because of his very dried lips, thinking you might find that disgusting 🐀 But oh, the first kiss you two shared, he was melting and his brain was throwing fireworks. Now, he won't stop giving you kisses here and there when he wants to <3 🐀PDA? Hell nah, don't get me wrong, HE'D LOVE TO! But his #1 Villain in Japan status would get dragged in the mud OR you'd end up in jail. (Which would result in him destroying the whole city to get you out of there) 🐀 Even with the LOV around, he doesn't touch you or else they'll start annoying him and he'll throw hands, literally 🐀 Buuuuuuuuuuuut, as soon as you're alone with him, GOD HE CRAVES IT. Hugs from behind, cuddles on the bed… Then you walk past him when he's on the couch? Nope, not anymore, he grabbed you and now you're stuck on his lap <3 🐀Once he starts cuddling, it's very HARD to get rid of him, poor baby just wants affection 🐀 Unless you really need space then he'll leave you alone and threaten anyone that gets too close (While he sits against the door of your bedroom, waiting patiently for you to feel better) 🐀Very flexible with his fingers, he practiced A LOT to control his quirk without any protection. And what was his best way for that? Guitars, pianos and harps! Yes, he knows how to play all three of those. Though, he'll never play harp anymore because he thinks that's not cool. But piano and guitar? Maybe he'd play some for you ;) 🐀 Talking about flexible fingers! That made him very fast on a keyboard and with a console controller, which made him the best player of the LOV 🐀He never had gloves until he met you. He was so often confused by his feelings that he'd get pissed and accidentally dust something

🐀Hell, when he realized that he had feelings for you, he really, really, REALLY didn't want to accidentally dust you. So…. GLOVES :D 🐀Why didn't he invest in gloves earlier?! Nah, really, WHY?! Now that he has gloves, he dust less and less often his shirts when putting them on, which is great! 🐀He only played a few games when you met him. Now, because of your suggestions, he plays all sorts of games! 🐀Talking about games, he has all consoles you'd need. Xbox, PS, Switch and PC. So if you ever had one console in your entire life and wanted to test a game on another platform, well now you can because of your precious dusty boyfriend :P <3 🐀You thought he was a cat person at first and he is, but he's a tiny bit more dog 🐀And jellyfish, he loves jellyfishes 🐀For the last HC 🐀You always thought he didn't take care of his hair, that it looked messy and gross to the touch 🐀To your surprise, when you first headpat him, it was very soft and fluffy. It just seems to not obey to any type of brushes

[blingblong55]

False god- Vladimir Makarov

A/N: he's so weirded out by emotions he apologises this way?! my dudes I need a man like that, like yes apologise to me with money

Based on a request:

HERE ME OUT. The lack of attention my babygirl Makarov gets has me crying. But hear me out on my request. Let's say during one of Makarovs mission he came across a certain individual, and it caught Makarovs attention, Makarov told his me to gather information about the individual, after he got the information turns out that reader(the certain individual I'm talking about) has there own task force and is the commander of it. Turns out that reader is oddly similar to Makarov. To similar. And this caught his attention. To test reader he decided to purposely raid her base and make a trap seeing if they could see through it which they did. And it obviously angered them causing them to become enemies, until Makarov decided to try and be Allies with them considering he needs there help on a certain mission and there the right person for it (idk what trope this would be.. probably an enemies to frienenies+ with benifits let's say Makarov had a slight crush on them 🙏🙏match made in hell basically..)

---- F!Reader, romance? fluff? soft!makarov?, established!relationship ----

Secret kisses behind closed doors. His hand was on yours when the room was dark. You and him never meant to be together, at least not in front of others. He failed at two things, meeting you liking you and falling in love with you. Does he regret it, no, definitely not. It's been a while since you have wanted to let everyone know that he is the reason you smile like a fool and tonight, as you met up with him again, the conversation came up. 

By the end of it, your eyes filled with tears. "But you have to listen-" "No." You hated how he had to have the last word in that but you'd let him, even if it meant to not voice your emotions for him. Soon later, he told you about some mission he did, his actions were wrong, and you knew that, so you called him out. A man like him will always deny such words and will not want to be confronted with the truth. That is when you two would clash. You were mad, of course, and he was too. So, you end up walking away. "Where are you going?" he follows behind. "I'm not going to entertain your shit-thinking tonight." You say without turning to him. Vladimir stops in his tracks and scoffs. "You're being a baby, R/N." Oh, that was it, no more contact, make him learn his lesson once and for all. 

If he really wanted to be better for you like he said months ago, then this is prime time to prove that statement. But he won't do it, not so easily. Hours after the conversation, he went home, waiting for your call but it never came in. He grew worried. You always called him to let him know you were home and safe. Three days go by and he is already anxious and scared. His men watch over you, giving him updates which keep him steady. Day 9 comes by and he can't help but try and reach out...except he stops before dialing your number. No, he isn't weak, he can't be the first to say sorry, that is not who he is. 

For fucks sake, he runs a group of strong soldiers, he is meant to be heartless...right? And if he is heartless then why does his heart ache anytime he thinks of you? Why does he get the urge to cry if you don't ever speak to him? God those lips of yours, that voice and the stare. He becomes a madman for you. You are a drug, one he needs to consume. So, for days he plans it all. He will talk to you, a speech he rehearsed which is nothing but the truth. The mirror knows that too. "Sorry...no...there has to be a better way through this," Makarov changed. He was confident in everything but without you there, what is he now? 

A mess, this is what has become of him. Damn it, why do you feel so close and still be so far? Idiot, fucking idiot. His office, filled with plans now empty from a clean spree he made while trying to not think of you. He knows you are around, knows you are at base playing a card game with your friends. 

Time passes and it is day 12. He hasn't been the same, why the fuck do you affect him like this. 

"No, no..." you laugh and he nudges you. Gosh, look at this view. Your legs over his snuggled on the couch as a cheap romance comes on screen. Cliche, all of it but it even makes him excited to experience it. He looks over at you, this is perfect. Your angelic face is complimented by the shades of the screen. He cups your face, "Kiss me, please," Vladimir needs this more than you. 

Fuck it. He knocks on your door. It's been 504 hours since he last held you in his arms. Kissed you, smiled because of you, laughed with you, made love to you. 504 hours of pure torture. Everyone at your base was asleep. His heart races as he awaits to see you. Your door opens and you stand there, confused. "Makarov?" Oh yes, say it again, say my name, he thinks. 

In his hand, a bouquet of your favourite flowers mixed with money. "I'm an idiot, I know. And...I'm sorry for not apologising sooner, for not acknowledging you calling me out on something I know now was wrong, I'm sorry...I'm sorry for needing you, I'm sorry for crying...but I'm not sorry for loving you," his eyes filled with tears. Fuck does he love you.

You may ask, what made him so emotional? That picture he took of you and him on Christmas. That day, he knew he loved you, he knew that in his miserable life, you were the only and last good thing he could have. That morning, he received the best gift. The first genuine 'I love you' he ever got in his life. You knew then that he was the one. It's why you now have him in your room, kissing him and cuddling him because, for 504 hours, you too missed him. 

"I love you, I love you.." Makarov repeated after every kiss he gave your body. You smile and repeat over and over, "I love you too." 

And so it goes that the cruel Vladimir Makarov, held the hand of his beloved as they walked down the aisle. Mr. and Mrs. Makarov, what a risky love this will be. 

Tags: @rowrowrowyourboat13 @thefragmented @selarus @kielsegur @shotmrmiller @liyanahelena @personwhosucksassatmath @iamashadows-blog @strangepuppynightmare @thesnailus @arialikestea @baldwinhearts @wack2000 @johfaam0 @goldenmclaren @moonsua1 @rvirienner @frazie99 @viomast @saoirse06 @vampsquerade @alxexhearts

[czrpenters]

piercings | tara carpenter x reader

summary: you could be a little extra when it came to pleasing your girlfriend.

pairings: tara carpenter x fem!reader.

warnings: no scream vi spoilers, mention of needles and piercings. also, english is not my first language.

word count: 985 words.

masterlist. | request rules.

It wasn't fully your idea to get your nipples pierced after all. You saw Tara blushing while looking at some pretty suggestive pictures on her Tumblr the other day, and instead of being jealous like you usually would, you started wondering; is she really into that stuff at all?

The next day, you got an appointment at Woodsboro's local tattoo parlor. And oh god, it was more painful than to watch a dog die in an early 2000's movie. You literally felt your soul leave your body for some minutes, your skin had visible goosebumps all over it and the pain was bearing the unbearable. But damn, you looked hot. And you knew that Tara would love that.

She mentioned once or twice, as well. "Babe, would you think I'd look hot with my nipples pierced?". And you knew damn well that this was never going to happen due to her fear of needles, but a girl can dream, right? And Tara was about to have her dream come true that night.

--

"Baby, I'm home! Got us some chinese!" Tara shouted while entering your house, with some takeout in her hands. It was your usual friday night; your dad was a surgeon so he had to bear inhumane 48 hour-shifts on the weekends, which of course meant that you guys had the whole place to yourselves. You usually didn't do anything that crazy or teenage-like, you and Tara were really responsible for your age. The days were mostly spent by watching some movies, eating a bunch of junk food and a lot of sex. Nothing that a lesbian couple wouldn't do.

"I'm over here!" You shouted back in your bedroom, turning off your phone and waiting for your girl to come to you. Your chest was still a little bit sore, so laying on it was definetly not an option right now. Also, no bras for at least a whole week, but that was something you weren't really worried about. You wanted to show them off. You wanted her to see it.

Tara left all the bags filled with food on the kitchen counter, discarding her jacket and shoes before coming up the stairs to your bedroom. She was exceptionally tired today, to say the very least. Playing soccer was definitely not the best career choice and yet she still played it. Not for the sport itself, but the thrill to win. She was exhausted, so it was no surprise that she decided to fall on your bed like a dead corpse, without even looking straight at you. "M' tired as fuck."

She mumbled, in the cutest fucking way possible, which made you laugh. "I know, baby. You didn't have to bring us food, y'know? We could just order Postmates or something." You kissed her forehead, laying down with her but without hugging, you couldn't even dream of having your chest touch something other than the thin layer of fabric of your tank top.

"But it's our tradition, babe... I don't wanna be the one to break it." You almost didn't hear her muffled sore voice, and it made your heart flutter. She couldn't be real. "Why you're not hugging me?"

You knew that it wouldn't take long for her to notice that something was missing. She wasn't sure what, but she knew you better than that; she knew that the first thing you'd do was hug and kiss her right after practice, like always. But you didn't. She finally looked up with a puzzled look on her face. "Is there something wrong?"

"No baby, nothing is wrong... " You kissed her lips briefly, trying to reassure her that everything was fine. More than fine, actually. "It's just... I got a little surprise for you, that's all."

"Baaaaabe! You know that I hate and love surprises." She whined, jumping on the spot and sitting down while looking at you. Thankfully you were wearing a thin sweatshirt over your tank top, so she couldn't see what it was just yet. "Come on, tell me what it is."

"I will, I promise! Just... Close your eyes first, okay?" Before she could even start her sentence, you shushed her. Reluctantly, she closed her eyes, but you were directly looking at them to make sure she wouldn't peek. Carefully, you took your sweatshirt off, alongside with your white tank top. Your nipples were a little puffy still, more red than the usual. It felt like if Tara sucked the life out of them for at least a couple of hours, but instead of her usual bite marks, there was a silver jewelry on them.

You were so fucking excited and it took every inch of your soul to not blurb and tell her what it was before she could even see them. "Okay baby, open them now."

She did as she was told, and you swear to god that you saw some sparkles emerge from her eyes. You could almost feel her happiness, as if her mouth was watering like a boy seeing a pair of boobs for the first time. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"Got them while you were at practice. Aren't they pretty?" They were two pieces of silver jewlery, the colour matching the necklace she got you with her initials on it. And oh boy, she was so turned on at that moment that she couldn't even form a sentence. "Didn't liked them?"

That was a rethorical question. You knew she loved them. And the fact that you had to wait at least 2 weeks for her to touch them was, to say the least, torturous. But before you could manage to think about anything else, you felt her lips against yours in a fervorous kiss. Her mouth tasted like cherry, and her kiss tasted like heaven. A piece of your own private paradise. "You really don't know the things I wanna do to you right now, (Y/N)."

"Show me then."

⠀

[toruro]

hi! can i request maybe the reader being shy and a little self concious during their first time with hoshi ?

impurities (show you my impurities)

↳ pairing. k. soonyoung x reader ↳ tags. smut (18+) but nothing actually happens lol, insecurities, loss of virginity, implied oral (f receiving)

"soo—soonyoung," you whine into your boyfriend's neck as he nips at the skin just behind your ear, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses along the curve of your jawline.

when you came over to your boyfriend's place for the evening, you didn't expect to end up here—straddling soonyoung's lap as you both fervently make out. okay well that's a lie. maybe you had the teensiest of ideas that things might just lead to this very heated, very passionate, very hot make out session you two have got going on.

earlier, the thought of sharing this moment with soonyoung was exhilarating, enthralling, exciting—and not to get you wrong, it still is—it's just, now you're a little bit...nervous.

soonyoung knows it's your first time, you told him earlier, so he's being extra careful with you right now, but you catch him getting lost in the desire every few moments or so—he'll bite down on your bottom lip just a little too hard and it'll have you moaning into his mouth, he'll grapple at the soft flesh of your ass just a little too roughly and it'll have your hips rocking harder into his—you get it.

and you've been vying for this equally as eagerly, if anything, which is why you can't quite explain the uncomfortable feeling that settles at the pit of your stomach after soonyoung lifts you to his bedroom, gently dropping you down on his bed.

he's being so careful with the way he's touching you, ravaging your skin but not too much, reminding himself that he wants—no, needs—to take things slowly because you're quite literally the best thing that's happened to him and he'll be damned if he doesn't cherish you like you deserve.

he's watching you so intently that he notices immediately when your touch wavers, when your eyes flicker back and forth, when you press the side of your face into mattress as if you were hiding.

"what's wrong?" soonyoung asks, immediately pulling himself away from you slightly. "do you want to stop?"

"no!" you blurt out, blinking rapidly as you try to collect your emotions. of course you don't want him to stop but also, as you look down at your stomach, your thighs, your panties (when did he take off your shorts?!), you're overcome with a feeling that you'd never have to experience around soonyoung—insecurity.

soonyoung has never not made it feel like you were loved, and if anything, he went above and beyond to make sure that you felt like you were constantly at the top of the world; which probably is why you're being plunged into a sea of guilt at let even the slightest thoughts of self-consciousness plague your mind.

"what is it? angel, you can tell me, you know?" he urges, and you know he isn't saying it but this is his way of begging you tell him something, anything. "we can stop—we don't have to do this—we can wait—"

"soonyoung," you murmur, propping yourself up on your elbows so you can get a better look at him. "i'm just nervous," you tell him honestly, chewing on your bottom lip as you anticipate his answer.

he leans back a little, taking in the sight of you in front of him: your legs are loosely wrapped around his torso while he sits between them, and the way you're biting your lip has him going crazy.

"about what?" he asks, tucking some hair behind your ear affectionately. "it's your first time angel, i know—i'll take care of you real good, okay? but that's only if you want to."

"of course i want to, it's just..."

"just what?" your eyes glance down at your body and that's when soonyoung gets it. grabbing your chin, he forces you to look up and face him. "you're so beautiful, you know that?"

"soo—" he doesn't give you to chance to respond, crashing his lips on yours as soon as you open your mouth. your elbows give out under you and you let your head fall back onto the mattress as he presses his body over you.

when he pulls away, there's a look of sheer intensity in his eyes that quite literally makes you shiver. a string of saliva connects your mouths, and soonyoung swipes a rough thumb over your lower lip to collect some of the wetness.

he leans back, and instead of capturing your lips, he carefully lifts up your shirt so your upper half is left in only your bra. "so fucking perfect," he breaths out, fingers grazing over the skin of your stomach, touch so soft you almost don't realize it's there until it's inching up and he presses at the flesh of your tits.

you moan at the way he slips his fingers under the bra, tweaking one nipple with one hand, toying with the waistband of your panties with the other.

"soonyoung," you say his name, and for a second he gets worried that maybe, just maybe he did something wrong.

"is this okay?"

"i—yes—can you take care of me?" you plead, "please, soonie?"

soonyoung inhales sharply at the way you use his nickname, and he swears that in that moment, he'll do anything and everything for you if you asked.

"yeah angel, yeah i'll take care of you," he mumbles, pressing down to kiss the curve of your breasts. his hands trail down to your legs, guiding your thighs to wrap back around his waist, and fuck, the way he's gripping at the flesh so desperately is wiping away any doubts you had about yourself just moments earlier.

"you wanna know what i'm gonna do?" soonyoung asks, lifting his head up just enough so he can meet your gaze.

"w-what?" you ask curiously, and he damn near melts at the way your ears burn red.

"i'm gonna eat you out," he says casually. "eat you out 'til you can't feel anything but me, and then i'm gonna fuck you 'til you can't think anything but me. and it's gonna feel so good, angel, and you know why?"

your voice is meek and wavering at the filthy words that are spilling out of his mouth, and it's a miracle that you're able to respond with a soft, "why?"

"'cause you're the prettiest person on this whole damn planet," soonyoung says, inching down the mattress and away from you, and before you know it he has your legs thrown over his shoulder, "and this is exactly what you deserve."

[hyenaswine]

when searching for tips on washing embroidery/xstitch sometimes you will find people who are like "ummm i just make sure i always have clean hands when i sew so i don't have to wash my pieces 😇" & i want you to know those people are idiots. you have oils in your skin that come FROM your skin no matter how clean it is; you are a human being & this is perfectly normal. this is how your body is supposed to work - these freaks who think they don't produce oil aren't cleaner than you, they're just wrong.

i don't personally care if you choose to wash your work when you're done - i think maybe there's something about those oils being invisible at first but sometimes staining the fabric over time, idk you'll have to look it up - & i'm not gonna think you're dirty or gross if you don't; it's your art & your choice, & your body is not gross for being human. i always wash my pieces when i'm done just because it makes me feel better about sending them off to other people (where they're no longer in my control), & also because i live with a chronically ill cat who sneezes on anything & everything i own. i just assume by default that everything in my home has cat snot on it whether i can see it or not.

i have a black plastic witch's cauldron which was previously a halloween decoration that i just fill with warm water & a drop of dish soap. i put my finished pieces in there to soak for 10-20 minutes; at least once you should agitate the water a bit, like a washing machine would, & sometimes you might have to scrub a piece against itself if there's a visible mark you're trying to get out (i use this ancient red tailor's crayon on some darker fabrics that i often have to scrub to erase). dump the water out, put cool water in, dump it out, keep doing that until there are no more suds in the water, or just take the piece out & rinse it if you're lazy. you're not supposed to wring it out, but again, i'm lazy & i don't like carrying sopping fabric through my house. then you gotta lay it on a towel & if it's a larger piece, roll the towel up & twist it to wring it out in THERE, which is apparently okay. then iron the piece from the back so you don't flatten your stitches. after that i pop my piece straight onto a high shelf in my closet to dry, so that the damn cat doesn't have a chance to get any of his germs on it.

anyway nobody asked for my advice or details of my personal embroidery-washing routine, but advice that's like "just don't be dirty in the first place 😇" is literally so unhelpful & infuriating. that's not advice cuz you aren't offering a solution to the problem (aside from acquiring a time machine) & you clearly don't KNOW what the actual answer is anyway, or else you'd know that your hands are never truly clean & you're framing work that might end up revealing all your grimy little sins as it ages. washing your work is a pain but it's not so impossible as to not be worth doing if you want to or need to. cuz sometimes your cat plants a fat booger right in the middle of your dainty little sampler & you need to know how to fix that shit, because not allowing your cat to sit on your lap while you're sewing is clearly NOT an option.

[trevorbabygirlism]

"How you two been?" Trevor asks in the silence of the car.

"Fine." Franklin answers first, and Michael echoes him.

"And aMaNdA, how's she?" His tone lacks disinterest and his voice is stiff as he pronounces her name funny.

The question makes Michael chuckle because damn, Trevor doesn't give a fuck about his wife's wellbeing, he'd even rather if there wasn't anything good to say about it.

"Do you care? Or are you just asking this for a punchline?"

"Hm. You're right. I don't care." He admits, his filter finally off, Michael didn't want to enjoy his kindness while it lasted.

"Married life has killed him Frank." He says, looking at the younger man in the rearview mirror. "Slowly, but surely, the man I know has been replaced by this... this thing." He almost spat out, in disgust.

Michael laughs, "You see Frank, Trevor's incapable of getting married because he hates absolutely EVERYBODY." He retorts, his voice laced in anger and venom, as he keeps going, "He doesn't have any friends, he doesn't have any relationships. He kills people who even mildly annoy him, and you know why?" He half asks, to which Trevor hums, curious. "Why, sugar?" "Because you're the most arrogant turd who ever walked this earth. That's why. You think you're better than everybody else."

Trevor wheezes and laughs. "Bullshit, I'm- that's not true."

"Oh it's true, cupcake. And you know it."

This scene. Please. Another married divorced argument, in which Michael is especially MEAN. No, seriously the way Michael talks you'd thing he was the wronged husband in this story. but anyways not the point.

so trevor asking abt amanda is hilarious, especially with the way he says her name, and michael seeing right through the question (obviously)... trevor once again puts michael's marriage at fault for the betrayal AND the man he's become - someone trevor is still obviously obsessed with, but no less disappointing at times (often).

and michael gets soooooo cruel... LIKE I DON'T KNOW, but Trev's head turning when Michael says "Trevor's incapable of getting married" made me think it was sensible topic, like my headcanon is Trevor always dreamed of being the one to marry Michael, so Michael is kinda twisting the knife there, of course he's incapable of getting married until you're at least divorced.

And then, a flood of lies, "he hates everybody" "he doesn't have any friends, he doesn't have any relationships" like Michael himself, Franklin, Lamar, Ron, Wade, Patricia, aren't Trevor's friends, like Trevor doesn't have so much love to give.

Then comes the sarcastic petnames, sugar, cupcake etc. so romantic.

[goldstargloww]

quick note before i start ranting: last night i started thinking. and then i started ranting in discord. and it got off track. and then i woke up this morning and had a similar thought. so this is just a stream of thoughts from me, really, lmao also, absolutely all of this is from memory, there's a good chance i got some stuff wrong (and i also include a lot of headcanons based off estimates and stuff i don't think would be a stretch), so yeah lmao this is kinda like a thought experiment or something

thinking,, thinking about c!martyn and his birthday

3rd life started 2 weeks after his birthday, last and double life weren't close, rats missed it, pirates has a good chance of missing it, and that's in the future anyway

only limited life included it

martyn… spends the rest of his time in a void, regardless of which route you take, datastream or eyesandears (as we don't know how they connect yet, they're mostly separate? kinda? idk its complicated)

so… what's better: having your birthday in the midst of a death game, in a world that isn't real but feels painfully so, or alone in a void?

in a dark void where you're unconscious most of the time, and when you're not, you're being taunted? or in a green void where you can't so much as sleep like you had to back in the world you were torn from, the world that you only have one actual connection with, your only glimpse of reality being of that who trapped you in this mess and doesn't care enough to get you out already?

martyn's first birthday in the datastream likely would've been limited life, if that's how that would work (again, datastream~eyesandears, complicated)

he's still got another good 7 months until his next one

will he be out of the datastream by then? will doc have finally figured it out?

…why hasn't he yet?

…that's a question for another day. (sure, maybe he's said that dozens of times before, but… now's not the time, is all)

(…besides, it seems like he cares. but…- no, question for another day. whatever a day even is. he only really knows because doc makes him journal for every one that passes, not because it really holds any meaning right now.)

would he rather spend his birthday lonely and paranoid, lonely and paranoid, or lonely and paranoid?

either

in constant fear of death, being able to see just how much time you have left until then, knowing it could skip ahead by an hour or even two at a moment's notice.

people who were supposed to be your friends (and perhaps were in another life) trying to kill you on your birthday, throwing explosives down from the clouds onto your party on the one day you maybe thought you'd be allowed to enjoy yourself.

(and yeah, maybe you were planning on blowing up everyone else, too, but when you're red, can you really be blamed for wanting to spill some blood?)

(…everyone else feels like that, don't they? you're not the only one. you're stupid for thinking you'd be an exception to their bloodlust just because it's your birthday.)

or

in a void where your only waking moments aren't good ones. where you're taunted and berated and ridiculed for your mistakes, where you start to believe what you're told, that you failed your one job despite being given so many chances.

the void in which you last see Them before your only anything between these games abandon you for years?- months on end, only to reappear a game later in hopes of ruining your life. and you're pretty damn scared They succeeded. (you've felt, just, bad, for so long, that you're not sure things can get worse, yet they manage to every time. you're not sure when things got this bad, but it's Their fault, you know it is.)

…you're unconscious most of the time in this void, anyway. you're not sure why it feels like such an eternity every time.

or

in a lime green void, stretching on virtually endlessly (heh, virtually… ah, this is what you've resorted to for entertainment, isn't it?), with access to all you could ever dream of?

sure, maybe not the impossible—that's, well, impossible—and maybe not things that haven't been created yet, maybe some things are locked behind paywalls you can't bypass, or, or need for accounts–

oh, did you mention you can't leave any trace of your existence either? there's quite a few restrictions, actually—no accounts, no anonymous comments, no privacy, no friends, no family, no food, no drink, no sleep, no- no bodily functions, no.. no concrete sense of self, no… fellow(? are you even human anymore?) human interaction…

well, besides doc, but he's… busy. too busy to help you get out of here, too busy to…

to care where you land after pushing you through a portal to an unknown world with little to no warning,

to get… worried, when you stay months in the same game world, because these- these missions are meant to be a, a quick in and out, maybe a week, usually less, not… three whole months, and…

fuck did that hurt, leaving them all, but… the sooner you complete these missions for doc—what even are these missions, anyway? why-—the faster you'll be out of the datastream and.. back to reality. back to.. home… you think.

(why do these missions have such big gaps between them?

why– how is doc presumably fighting CHEST all by himself (well, not all by himself, you are the datastream defender, after all, even if that is just a made up title to make yourself feel better, even if you're barely an asset as opposed to a liability to doc)?

what does global ramifications entail?

why hasn't doc figured out how to get you out of here yet?

why does he not spend any time with you, he's your only real human contact, and even then, it's flakey!?

why does he make you journal every day? to keep you sane? you mean, it's hardly working, but why?

if doc cares, it'd be more than just whatever this is. or–…

…you've had this conversation before. you're just out of touch with social interaction. players and npcs are nothing like real people. you're just… wrong. and doc's right, because doc knows what's going on, and you don't, save for some tiny morsels of information. right. …nevermind.)

this is where i stopped ranting for the night, and i pick it back up on a similar topic this morning ^^

i wonder if, in the datastream lore, rats and pirates are made by the same people or not

if doc would have access to that information, if he would purposefully start avoiding powcreations, or purposefully seek out their game worlds

is martyn spending months in a game world, having fun instead of doing his job, a good thing in any way, in doc's eyes? or is it solely a distraction or vulnerability?

martyn goes to all these game worlds for a reason, he needs to find loot shards so doc can deal with them, but how does doc feel about martyn staying months instead of days? of martyn having fun? growing attached? forming emotional bonds with people who aren't real?

(doc tells martyn they aren't real. martyn has no reason not to believe him on that. (in fact, martyn tells himself they aren't real, because if they were, he's not sure he'd handle that well.) even though players can be awakened, they're still ultimately under an actual human's control—doc's told martyn this. martyn is... a special case. (and if they aren't quick enough, his situation could lose its uniqueness to the enemy. which, if it wasn't clear, isn't a good thing.))

it's ultimately not healthy, martyn knows, but he's been in the datastream a little over a year at this point. the only human interaction he has is doc, who barely seems to have time for him, and CHEST agents (he thinks? they may just be AI), which are actively trying to kill him, whatever that would mean for him. he doesn't like the thought.

so, maybe he's a bit lonely—okay, maybe very lonely—so can you really blame him for wanting to indulge? i mean… even if it isn't really reality, what's stopping it from acting as one? he'll… he'll always have to leave eventually, but… he may as well enjoy himself while he has the chance, right?

so what's to stop him from making friends with oli the trash rat, or oli the pirate? (they're almost eerily similar, all things considered, but martyn guesses that's what happens when you get lazy devs. everything else seems to have so much care put into it, though... why would they put in such little effort to player characters when so much goes into everything else?)

what's to stop him flirting with half the players on the faction isles and being responsible for the nickname "kisstrels"?

what's to stop him having a genuinely good time?

leaving rats was hard. it was the first time he felt he truly belonged somewhere in how long? longer than the datastream, for sure.

he was really starting to struggle at that point with the crushing loneliness and feelings of unreality, if he's honest. rats... rats was nice. rats was probably some of the most fun he's had.

and leaving pirates has every chance to be even harder.

with these new scars appearing (which he would assume to be a design thing if it weren't for the fact that they stayed with him in the datastream itself), and these new feelings occurring without reason or rhyme, he's starting to feel uneasy about being stuck in the datastream again. (he's never not felt uneasy about it. he just… manages to push it to the back of his mind(? does he still have one of those?), sometimes.)

he's spent a lot of his time thinking—a lot about the rats, admittedly—why does scott feel so much more familiar now than he did even after he left rats? so many of the rats always felt familiar, especially jimmy and oli, but why does he miss scott all of a sudden?

weird feelings like that had been beginning to pop up the past few months, along with scars he has no explanation for—i mean, seriously, why does he have at least three scars shaped like a four-pointed star? what would even cause that? he's fairly sure there's more, as well!—and it's been making him uneasy. most of all, it's been making him lonely.

pirates came at a good time, he thinks.

maybe his introduction wasn't the best, what, with doc shoving him through a portal just for him to fall from the sky into the ocean, then immediately getting scammed by scar—

why does scar feel so familiar? why does that seem so in character for him? he hasn't been in another game world which used his assets, has he?

—just to go to this weird corrupted purple island and lose two people along the way—

why does doc always put him in the center of the story? it can get so stressful at times! i mean, rats was stressful enough even before the other rats did stuff like blow up the boiler!

—but... i mean, he made a song for pirates. that's something he'd only previously done for rats (and wow, was that process painful, can you imagine how hard it is to make music while being a rat and staying secretive about your mission? speaking of secrets, he got pretty lucky with the whole pirate thing, for once he can be truthful about some part of why he's here, even if he has to stay vague), and even then, that wasn't really a serious song. this one's a full on song, water made sheet music and everything!

so, evidently, it's not that bad. it's quite the opposite, actually. martyn thinks he's going to have a pretty good time here, as a pirate.

(he's not sure why the pirate aesthetic, and the oceanic/aquatic aesthetic as a whole, actually, feels so familiar. like he's done this sort of thing recently...?

and... scott. scott feels related to that, for some reason. and scott's a heron, martyn fucking hates the herons (he'd never admit it, maybe except to the rats in his boots, but they're actually not that bad. it's more like a sibling rivalry, than anything).

…does this have something to do with martyn randomly missing rat scott the past few months? …does he miss rat scott, or does he miss scott? …these aren't real people, martyn, get it together, it's fine. you're fine. nothing to worry about.)

[azurlily]

Dont ask where this came from, but I was tired and came across a tumblr post abt means lesbians. My first thought was, mean lesbian gf smut???." So now you get: Mean Lesbian NSFW!

She's a bit of a yandere, but that's okay we love her anyways.

TW: The three G's. Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss!

Mean Lesbian

NSFW

[ML stands for Mean Lesbian, I dont have a name for this character yet.]

The whole Mean lesbian stereotype never fit in my eyes, I mean becoming nice for the sake of your girlfriend? Yeah no, how about making your girlfriend worse than you, for the sake of yourself? That's right up my alley, but when you like a girl that's as sweet as apple pie...it takes time to get her to your pace.

"All I'm saying is that she deserved it, I don't care if people think I'm doing it because I like her. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. She was flirting with you."

Very recently a bunch of nude pictures of some random girl had gotten out around school. The culprit being none other than ML, she'd been out snd proud about it. Knowing damn well no one could, nor would do shit. Her daddy has money, her moms a lawyer, how are you meant to fight someone like that?

You aren't, and that's the point. No on is meant to be able to fight someone with power like that. So no one does, and ML likes it that way. No matter how much her sweetheart disagrees.

Quiet whimpers and soft sighs bang around the room, while ML was having her little monologue her girlfriend was in a sticky situation.

On her knees, head laying against ML's thighs, a thick ball gag in her mouth, and pink silk adorning her skin. Soft cries attempt to leave the girls mouth, although it's all in vain. ML runs her hand through the girls hair, and dark smirk on her face.

"Oh pretty girl, my baby girl. You look beautiful you know, you look like a piece of art. Ready to be torn in two, just for me..."

Fake innocence runs thickly in her voice, she wants you to think she pitys you. She wants your dumb brain to think she cares,(which she does) think she loves your weak, useless body.

ML's hand grab at your body, slowly pulling you up on the bed. She's picked up heavier girls than you, she used to be a cheerleader and then she didn't even enjoy picking them up. She gently sets you up, just on her lap. Soft hands running up and down your back, up and down your ass.

Her face is bright red, while ML has had plenty of girls in her bed before, you're her favorite. Which is exactly why she made you her public girlfriend a while ago. Well, you don't know you're her girlfriend, but everyone else does. That's good enough for her!

You feel two long fingers press against your entrance, her long slender fingers scoop up some of your slick. She puts the two fingers in her mouth and sucks on them. She continues this activity by rubbing you with her fingers, giving you just the tiniest sparks of pleasure. Then taking it all away as she tastes you.

You whine louder and louder, you like foreplay but this was too much. You'd pass out before even getting to actually cum as this rate! You whine and attempt to move around, quickly remembering how she has you tied up.

Your arms tied behind your back, your feet tied but not your legs. She wants easy access, one of the rops running down your back onto your ass. And tightly around your chest. ML mentally praises herself for such amazing work.

ML hears your whines and sees your breaking point arising.

"Oh, I know baby, you wanna cum so badly! So let's make a game out of this, I'm going to take that pretty gag off and ask you a few questions. For everyone you get right; I fuck you more. For every wrong answer; I spank you. Seem fair?"

ML didn't wait for you to nod your head, she took the gag off and asked the first question:

"Am I better at fucking you than your exes?"

You feel two long finger slide inside of you, while her other hand is on your ass. She's just waiting for a wrong answer, or maybe she's waiting to reward you...

"Y-yes you're better than them!"

You answered as honestly as possible, and you were greatly rewarded for it. You feel her fingers pump in and out of you, you whine loudly as moves them through you at a painstaking slow pace. She slows even more as she asks the second question:

"Good answer. Second question is easy: would you ever cheat on me...or have you?"

Cheat? You two aren't even dating, right? Right? You ponder for a second too long and a sharp hand slams down on your ass. Your cry out, but it doesn't matter and she does it once more. After the second time she stops, you don't dare move or speak for that matter. Her fingers stop and you almost cry at the loss, you dont though because you know what would happen.

"You took too long to answer, I'm talking it as a yes. And because of that I'll be asking something different for my third question. Were you actually flirting with that girl, hm? Or did I just take it the wrong way and...accidentally ruin her reputation?"

There wasn't any anger in her voice, quote the opposite, she was happy and you knew damn why. You've seen how obsessed she gets over someone, you're the example after all. The worst part is that you hated that girl, that's exactly why you were in fact flirting with her. You knew exactly what she would do, and you loved it.

"I- I was flirting with her, why are you jealous? Green isn't a good color on you-"

She gently flicks you on the back of your head, you don't need to look up to know the look on her face. Angry with a hint if pride.

"Hm, wrong answer."

[crusty-chronicles]

hii! after reading ur moon and son halloween special, it got me thinking ab kurapika and yn. if its not too much to ask, could you do a small special where kurapika figures out why yn hates their clan? it could be a drabble, short chapter, hcs, whatever youd like to write, i was js super curious for what kurapikas reaction would be

love ur writing 🩷🩵

I'm gonna start this off with a minor spoiler warning for the end chapters of Moon and Sun. Nothing too big so don't worry.

Okay, we Good? There's only four people who really know about what happened with Y/n and their clan. Gon, Killua, Kite, and Ging. The first three are for obvious reasons. Now the only reason Ging knows is because he's got a part to play in future chapters, which I will not be disclosing at this time. That being said, what Kurapika knows/ learns about is a very watered down version of events. Below is a oneshot of how he finds out and reacts.

The Difference Between You and I

⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️

It was ironic, really, when you looked back on what happened a few days ago. You didn't think you had it in you anymore to dislike someone so much. Especially since he was one of the boys' closest friends.

You wanted your first meeting to be friendly, even if a part of you was still bitter he hadn't bothered to see Gon at the hospital. You'd hoped to get along with him as well as you did with Leorio.

 But opposites attract you suppose.

The two of them couldn't have been any more different from each other. Leorio was a stubborn loudmouth depending on who he interacted with. Acting purely on impulse most of the time. Yet despite that, he had a heart of gold from what you could tell.

Treating Gon and Killua with as much care as you did. Wanting to be a doctor in order to help those who couldn't afford proper medical care. Hell, he was even currently helping you with your ‘condition.’

Kurapika, on the other hand, was quiet and reserved. At least from what the boys had told you. Though you noticed he also seemed distant. Rarely ever picking up his phone and even rarer were the times he'd actually show up in person.

But you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

If the boys loved him, how bad could he really be? 

And if Leorio was dating him, then surely he had some redeeming qualities.

Well turns out fate had a funny way of playing things out. Irony at its best. 

—----------------------

You'd arrived in York New about the same time as the boys. Having come for your ‘usual’ checkup. Something you blamed on that damn cat along with yourself. 

You'd agreed beforehand to meet up right after for lunch. The three of you communicating through a small group chat. Although you were still struggling with the newer technology. Not yet used to actually having a phone. But you digress.

It was during Leorio's final evaluation that you were made aware of the blonde’s presence.

“You getting anything?” He asked.

You shook your head, unable to focus your eyes. Six months and your nen was still shot. What a pain.

“Don't push yourself. Remember, we still have a few treatments to test out. You're not out of luck just yet.”

“I know. I just kinda want the process to be over already, you know? Get things back to normal.” Well, as normal as you could be.

Leorio was about to respond before a ‘ding’ from his phone went off. He gave an apologetic look as he checked what it was. 

Although he knew you didn't mind, he still wanted to be professional. This was his job and he took pride in it. Despite his nonchalant demeanor.

“Woah! Kurapika's in town!”

“Kurapika?” The one who usually ignores all his calls? The one who put revenge before his dying friend? But you thought better than to say that out loud. Instead you settled on-

“He's…blonde, right?”

Leorio looked up at you with a bewildered expression. Out of all the things you could say, it was that. It was almost enough to make him laugh.

“Yes? You know, you've got an odd way of remembering people.”

“But I'm not wrong, am I? You gonna see him after this?” You asked with a teasing smirk.

“Yeah. It's been a while. I think the boys would be happy to see him too.” He gestured to the three kids that sat waiting outside of your room.

Two of which were now excitedly staring at their phones. The third sleeping contently on her brother's shoulder.

“You should meet him too.” Leorio suggested.

And although you appreciated the offer, it didn't feel right for you to tag along. You didn't want things to potentially be awkward. Plus, you weren't the best with new people.

“I don't wanna intrude. I'd rather the four of you catch up. Like old times. Well maybe not the four of you if Alluka has anything to say about it.” Already knowing the small girl went everywhere Killua did. 

“You'd really do that. I know it's been months since you spent time with the boys.”

“Yeah but it's been a year since they even heard from Kurapika. Besides, I'll meet him when I pick the boys up. I'm here for three more days after all. And then~you and Kurapika could spend some time by yourselves.”

His face flushed a bright red at the insinuation. Playfully shoving your head to the side.

“About time you paid me back for all the times I watched the boys for you.”

—-----------------------

The two of you finished up, with Leorio briefly leaving to request his break. The kids wasted no time rushing you once you exited the room.

“Any luck this time?” Gon asked.

“Sadly, no. But there's always next time, right?” You tried to reassure. But he didn't look all that convinced. 

“If it doesn't work out, you know you can always ask Nanika to-” Killua started to offer, but you stopped him before he could finish.

“It's fine if I can't get it back. I'll just have to get used to being a normie. Unless, you've got a problem with normies?” Your tone was teasing as you ruffled the small assassin's hair. 

Your attention was redirected towards a pull on your sleeve.

“I don't mind helping Big Sib,” Alluka assured.

“I mind. I'll be okay so don't worry about it…In other news, I heard one of your friends just got here.” You quickly changed the subject. Not wanting to bring down the mood. You wanted today to be a good day.

And judging by the way both boys beamed up at you, it would be.

“Yeah! Kurapika's gonna be here for a few days! I hope you don't mind if he comes with us today.” Gon explained.

You could never really say no to that kid, even if you had already planned to give the duo space today. You returned his cheerful grin with one of your own.

“Course not. To be honest, I was gonna let the four of you reconnect in peace.”

“Peace? You make it sound like we're embarrassed of you,” Killua mumbled.

“What was that?”

“I said, ‘Four of us? What about my sister?’” he quickly covered. Though he could tell you heard what he said first. But you'd let him off the hook this time.

For now.

“Why don't I take her shopping while you guys catch up?”

“Shopping? You can afford that now?” His tone was playful, but there was a genuine hint of concern somewhere in there.

“Hey!” You scolded, about to come up with a retort before Gon stepped in.

“Yeah! They're working with Kite and his team. It's why they travel so much now.”

At the mention of the former silver haired hunter, Killua's expression soured.

“Sibling stealer.”

At that, you pinched his cheek.

“Har har. You mad at him because we're dating now or because Alluka occasionally calls him dad?”

He covered his ears, face slightly red from embarrassment as he tugged Gon away. Not bothering to wait for Leorio.

“We’re leaving now! Have her back by six!”

—-------------

Safe to say, they were overjoyed to see Kurapika again. Both boys eagerly questioning him about his new Zodiac status, while Leorio reminded them not to overwhelm him with questions.

Kurapika was glad to back, if only for a brief moment. He truly did miss them, but his mission always came first. He'd already made tremendous progress recovering his clan’s eyes. His new Zodiac status aiding in his endeavors.

But through pursuing his goal, he'd evidently missed out on a lot with his friends and partner. 

The boys were 13 going on 14 now. Gon had achieved his own goal and met Ging. Traveling with him up until a month ago.

Killua had managed to finally get away from his family, bringing his little sister with him. The two of them also traveling around. Which begs the question, where was she currently?

Leorio had become a doctor, having just been promoted to a zodiac after the election. Which Kurapika did watch, very much proud of how far he got.

Yes, so much had changed.

He supposed it was bittersweet in a way. The three of them already shooting for a new goal while he was still trying to complete his. 

But he truly was grateful for the time he spent with them today. That he was still considered important to them despite his distance. He made a mental note to try harder once he left.

It wasn't before very long that Leorio had to return to work. His break over too soon for the blonde's liking. 

So with a smooch on his cheek and a ‘ewww!’ from the boys, Leorio was off. Leaving Kurapika with the duo. 

Now while you were aware of Kurapika, he had no idea of your existence until the boys mentioned you in passing.

—-----------------------

A desert of some kind sat in front of them.

“Y/n would for sure love this. Do you think we should take them some?” Killua asked, the question directed towards Gon.

“They’ll be upset if we don't. And you know what that means.” Gon responded.

“They won't carry us for a week. You think we're getting too old for that?” But before their conversation could continue, Kurapika spoke up. Curious about the new name they mentioned.

“Y/n?”

Both boys looked up at him surprised before remembering the two of you had never met.

“Y/n’s the person that’s been taking care of us since Greed Island. They're our big sibling,” Gon proudly announced while Killua nodded along.

You seemed to be very close to them.

“Right now they're with Alluka. They wanted to give the four of us a chance to catch up.” Killua added.

That explained why his sister wasn't here. And if Killua trusted you with her, then you must've been reliable too.

A good person.

“Tell me more about them.”

—-----------------------

Truthfully, all odds pointed at the two of you getting along. You were cut from the same cloth, so to speak. Both coming from strong clans. Both losing them during your childhood.

Your lazy demeanor would have paired nicely with his quiet one. You always were more comfortable around less energetic people. 

His analytical skills were on par with yours. A strong head on both of your shoulders. 

Even if you were still upset with Kurapika, the two boys knew you'd get along with him in time. Sure you'd probably chew him out for not answering his phone, but you'd warm up to him nevertheless.

So what was it exactly that put you at odds with each other?

The catalyst that sparked endless animosity between you?

Well, it just so happened to be the subject of your clan that started it.

It was an accident, truly. Gon didn't mean for it to slip out. He just got so excited telling Kurapika about you that he forgot some details weren't meant to be shared.

“You know, I'm kinda glad Nanika erased their memories. Y/n is a lot happier now that they're clan isn't looking for them anymore. They weren't good people to begin with so don't feel too bad about it.”

Gon had been explaining before slapping a hand over his mouth. Him and Killua looking at each other with wide eyes. Gazes briefly glancing over towards Kurapika for his reaction.

They knew he could be touchy with the subject. Watching him carefully to see if his eyes changed. Instead, they were met with a suspicious stare. Not exactly positive, but not really negative either.

“What do mean their clan isn't looking for them anymore? Did something happen between them?”

Because Kurapika, for the life of him, couldn't fathom a family giving up on one of their own. But the subject wasn't as black and white as he suspected.

“We're not really supposed to say. It's not like they told us not to tell anyone, but it's their privacy. You know?” Gon informed.

Not only was it your business, but it was also something you trusted the two of them with. And he was the last person who should be spilling your secrets.

The two boys once again eyed each other. You wouldn't be mad if they told Kurapika. So long as he didn't bring it up directly to you.

Besides, the chain user would just ask you in person if he didn't get an answer. He was direct by nature. Something you would respect, but not if it concerned your ‘family.’

So what was the worse outcome?

They say nothing and Kurapika asks you directly about it. Or he finds out another way.

The second option: they partially explain the situation. Not getting into too much detail, but enough to satisfy their friend’s curiosity.

“If it's not something you want to discuss, then I won't-” but Killua stopped him from finishing his sentence.

“If we tell you, you have to promise you won't say we told you anything. Got it?” 

It wasn't that they were wary of their friend, god no. They just didn't want the two of you butting heads in the future. 

Kurapika gave a small nod.

“Y/n doesn't get along well with their clan. They haven't since they were a little kid. They just don't feel comfortable or safe around them anymore.” Gon started.

“Why?”

“They sorta had a disagreement with them. And that's putting it very lightly. An argument about how things were being done. And how their practices were wrong. That's all we can really say.” Killua continued.

The rest would have to come directly from you. If you ever got around to trusting Kurapika. Something that sadly wouldn't come to fruition.

“So they're estranged from their clan because of a disagreement?” And for whatever reason, that made Kurapika upset.

Your clan was alive and healthy. They'd been looking for you. And here you were being petty. Avoiding them because of it.

When all his people were slaughtered like nothing. Never even having the chance to say goodbye. 

He wanted to think there was more to it. That there was something big the boys weren't telling him. And there was, but he'd never get to learn about what it was.

How similar your grief was to his with him losing Pairo and you losing Kari.

The rest of the afternoon felt tense. Kurapika tried not to show his discomfort, but both boys could tell anyways. Seems the two of you wouldn't get along after all.

It was only a matter of time before you went to get them. Alluka trailing happily behind you with an ice cream cone as you struggled with her bags. Most of which were toys. 

Both boys quickly grabbed a few from you to lighten the load. Your eyes drifting over to the blonde behind them.

So that was Kurapika.

“Alluka! You can't just make them carry everything. Next time help.” Killua scolded.

Said girl, looked up at her big brother with a pout. 

“I did. Mama/Papa said no.”

Her answer prompted a small glare from him. This time directed at you.

“You have her spoiled.”

“You’re just jealous I don't baby you anymore.” You retorted.

“I think it's because Alluka's a girl.” Gon added as he took another bag from you.

“She's not just a girl. She's a princess!” You lightly pinched her cheeks, causing her to let out a squeal.

You looked up to see their blonde friend standing awkwardly away. Perhaps not wanting to interrupt the four of you. 

“You gonna introduce me to your friend?” 

At the sound of your voice he straightened up. Both boys urging you towards him.

“Y/n, this is Kurapika. Kurapika, Y/n.”

It was a brief introduction. Well, you supposed it was time for you to plaster on a smile and try to befriend him. Hopefully things would go well.

“Hi. So you're the infamous Kurapika? Glad you could make a special guest appearance today. I hope the boys weren't too much.” 

You extended your hand in greeting. Wishing you could focus your eyes on him to get a proper read of what he was feeling. He reciprocated your handshake with less enthusiasm than you were expecting.

To be fair, he probably just found out about you.

“Likewise. It's a pleasure to meet the person who they've been talking my ear off about for the last two hours. Apologies for interrupting your time together.”

He was surprisingly polite. Honestly, you were expecting him to be somewhat rowdy like the rest of their friends. Not that you minded.

You needed another levelheaded friend to talk to. And if you were correct, he was about two years younger than you. 

But then things quickly started going downhill.

“My intel tells me you come from a clan like me? Do I have that right?” He asked, unawares that was not the right thing to say. Despite his intention to strike up a friendly conversation.

“Intel?” Your tone was panicked.

 The mere mention of your past life enough to make you spiral. Something both boys could tell was happening from the way you stiffened.

“Uh Kurapika. Maybe now's not the-” Gon tried, but it was too late.

“I don't belong to any clan. I never did, so don't you ever bring it up again.” Ice.

Your demeanor was cold, an indication that you were mad. Though you tried to calm yourself. Maybe he didn't know not to ask that.

He couldn't have known.

You just didn't want to talk about it with anyone. Especially not a stranger you just met. 

“Damn. I knew we shouldn't have told him.” Killua said, already knowing where this conversation was heading. He quickly covered Alluka's ears.

“I don't understand why you're so upset about it. Could the disagreement you had really be that irksome to you.” The blonde's tone dismissive. 

The thing that inevitably set you off.

Irksome.

Like they didn't just try to kill you half a year ago. Like they didn't murder your sister right in front of you. Like they didn't turn your best friend against you.

“I said drop it. It's none of your business. But you know what should've been, since you're so keen on family.”

“Y/n don't-” Gon tried once more, tugging on your arm to get you attention.

“Checking up on your friends every once in a while. Do you even know about what happened to these two?”

“Guys,” Killua warned.

“Of course I know. You think I'm an idiot not to know about the Chimera Ant situation?” Kurapika's voice increasing in volume to match yours.

“Yeah? You know about Illumi hunting down Killua and his sister while his family watched? About the two of them almost being killed to better their psycho family's power? You know about Gon being hospitalized? About how nothing short of a miracle saved his life? You know about all that?”

Judging by the shocked expression on his face, he didn't know. He glanced over to the two boys to verify. And when they looked down to avoid his eyes, he knew you weren't lying.

He hadn't been a very good friend, had he?

“Didn't think so. So next time you think I owe you anything, think about how you've never given anyone anything. I don't owe you shit. I don't owe you an explanation and I sure as hell don't owe you my time!” 

Was it a petty argument that got way out of hand?

Absolutely.

The truth is, if you could get past your one difference, the two of you would see you have a lot in common. Might've even become good friends.

 But you can never trust someone who takes the people they care about for granted. Who had the opportunity to support their friend on their deathbed instead of chasing after shadows of the past. Who only lets anger and hatred guide their actions.

And Kurapika could never befriend someone who doesn't understand how good they have it. Who still has the opportunity to see their family instead of their corpses. And maybe he's envious of the fact. He'd give anything to spend five minutes with his clan while you can't even bare thinking about them for five seconds.

And while you two disliked each other, you'd just have to learn to tolerate the other for the sake of your friends.

—-------------

MASTERLIST

An: I didn't know if I should add tags to this one because technically it's not apart of our main story. More like an expansion on the lore, if you can even call it that. Now, I love Kurapika, I really do. But I feel like our insert from Moon and Sun would absolutely despise him. On the bright side, I should be able to start uploading a little more frequently now. Might even get back to weekly updates. We'll see~

[sharonisthebettercarter]

we need to talk about common comic opinion for the boys

so i read the comics.

was curious for a while, buddies wanted to do it, finally bit the bullet and MAN OH MAN~<3

there's common opinion that swirls around from people who *have not read the comics* need i remind, an opinion that they are merely *meaningless edgelord drivel* or the like.

i'm here to bust that misconception, smack it upside the head and drag it around the fuckin' town and kick it till it's caved in because it couldn't be more *wrong* if it tried.

first thing i'll say is that the comics *don't* compare in what you'd call 'gratuitous edginess' to the show. while they have their 'bit on the nose moments', they're drawings that go panel by panel. even what they *could* show wouldn't compare, and it honestly doesn't. (coming from someone who's also watched the show too many times over now and got a nice fresh read in)

robin's death is more brutal *in the show*. there is more blood and gore. *in the show*. the arguably edgiest thing between both of them is a guy exploding another guy from inside his urethra, which *only happens in the show*

and for those that have no clue about the big twist or comics homie and try to make blocks of analysis for a character they have zero actual information or decent research on.

homelander is worse. *in the SHOW*.

granted, both have similar enough structure with reversed character development/reveal, but i digress

butcher is just THE biggest fucking bottom by the way, lord satan i CAN NOT with that boi--

anywho~<3

the 'meaningless' part? well that's just a big fat lie and i'll say it up front. that shit needs to stop. this thing was definitely an emotional rollercoaster, and while it may be true that it's not for everyone, it was far from meaningless and actually brilliantly written and even researched.

it's raw, it feels real half the time, it teaches valuable lessons, and even when you're in the notion of 'okay, where is this going, it's sus', when you stick with it? you get rewarded fucking beautifully.

there are moments you'd disagree with the characters actions in a way that makes them feel humanly flawed. of course they might do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing, so do real life humans?? there are cross cultural miscommunication references and conversations that show ennis knew what he was doing and why he did it a certain way. and yeah, it can be too much to handle for some,

*but if you honestly feel that way you shouldn't be watching the show either*

and here's what it's not.

meaningless, ill-thought, pointless, edgelord drivel.

it *is* an intricate and well done, brutally *honest* creative critique of the *military industrial complex*, *corporate capitalism*, and a couple other things expertly squeezed in. even touching on *abuse* and hitting all the right spots for how it can psychologically fuck with people. the ending punches you in the fucking feels as you could appropriately expect it to with a hard side of begrudged satisfaction.

good fucking satan these things were an excellent read that compelled me to want moar from start to finish, and yeah, if you have watched the show then i *highly* recommend them because the important topics and themes touched on are presented much better in the comic, even with the sometimes wonky ass art in place of hawt actors to distract you, lmao

but seriously? the lot of you that keep spouting nonsense from your clenched up assholes without actually bothering to look at the source material need to stop. all you're doin' is actin' damn fools and showing off high and mighty opinions based on complete mis-education if not un-education.

and f.y.i.... also being the damn fools both the comics AND show make fun of.

so remember that line billy says?

'but the main reason you don't hear about it is cause the public don't want to know about it.'

that's y'all. legit, at this point. more specifically, y'all would be the 'public' that wants to live with rose tinted glasses instead of acknowledging that reality is more brutal than we often want to see or admit.

why else would you keep denouncing and dismissing the comics and source material of something you allegedly love?

because some other schmuck on the internet said a lie, gave you hearsay, or a rumor they heard through a grapevine on a game of telephone that said it wasn't worth looking into yourself?

well i'll call bullshit on that straight up but what are y'all so afraid of??

couple other things i will say, if you hate butcher for being the biggest worldclass cunt, you will absolutely feel vindicated and have your feelings or possibly lovehate boner (like mine~) completely validated with what happens in these comics (and if i'm being honest about the direction of the show, weeeeelllll...~<3 lemme not tho lmao<3 still def the biggest bottom, out bottoms hughie by far, i wanna see him get railed by vas/love sausage)

i will also say, billy is 100% wrong in the comic and the show is slowly but surely unraveling that truth there as well, if it's not clear enough by now. what he does isn't for becky/becca, and definitely not for ryan either. it never was.

it's for his father, no i will not elaborate cause read the damn comics. (but also, people need to stop fucking forgetting that HUGHIE is the *actual* good guy here, not billy... billy is a bad guy... billy is objectively worse than homelander in many MANY canon ways and remember that reverse character development i mentioned--.)

contrast, if you *love* butcher, you will likely be disappointed in the show, but the comics will help prepare you for it (they also make too many things CLEAR)

unfortunately, you do not get sweetheart noir in this and while i love his show counterpart, bearing with cunt 9000 noir is worth it. (it also sparked fic ideas for me cause why not both~<3)

LOVE SAUSAGE IS UNREAL AND PERFECT~<3<3<3 if nothing else, comics love sausage at least deserves your full attention.

homelander's as always is a fun boi, show homelander by comparison is basically *final stage* comics homie (full throttle evil berserk type shit/just before it hits) take everything you thought you knew about (comics) him, and throw it out the fuckin' window.

boi does some fucked up shit... and ALSO has fucking mental breakdowns and visceral reactions like throwing up to doing evil shit because he literally can't stomach it and is trying to convince himself that he is the bad guy because he's been gaslit--.

and i'ma stop there. read the fuckin' comic if you actually wanna know just how deep that homie rabbit hole goes.

and i will absolutely use the idea of him having legit *adverse reactions to doing evil shit* in a fic because FUCK. YES. that was a sad but lovely detail and would make for a perfect fuckin'a alibi<3

anywho~<3, if you recognize he's a victim in the show? the comics. read them cause OOOOOHHHH--.

[secretgamergirl]

To everyone who keeps writing these posts about weird marginalized infighting crap and especially to the people who keep reblogging them onto my feed: Please quit falling for the number one play in the nazi handbook.

So this is my experience with Tumblr, I don't know if it's true for everyone else. I sit down, I load up my feed, I see a couple weird/cute nerdy things maybe, and then within the first 3 or 4 posts, there's something that reads like this:

"So check this out, I look in my inbox today and there's this anonymous post from a three-headed five-legged slumf who is just randomly laying into me about how their life is made of pain and suffering thanks to all the special privileges they for some baffling reason believe I have as a two-headed nine-legged slumf. It's so weird and creepy and wrong! Obviously all slumfs are seriously oppressed, I don't get why I keep seeing so many three-headed five-legged ones coming after us two-headed nine-legged ones. It's some real serious 2-9-slumf-phobia within the community though and we need to address it."

It would really mean a lot to me if you would all just stop posting and sharing those sort of things, if you'd be so kind, and ideally pass this post along to others. The reason for this should be obvious if you look at the title I slapped on this, but you know me, I'm going to keep rambling below the fold.

As documented in articles like this one, and this one, hardcore bigots have been completely obsessed with "false flag" operations for... at LEAST the past 20 years or so. The way they do it is pretty simple. Pick two broad groups you hate and want dead. Make some social media accounts (or better, re-do the profiles for the one you used the last time you did this, older ones look more legit) where you pretend you're a member of the one group, and speaking broadly on their behalf, and just vomit a ton of hate at the other group with that disguise. For best results, use some other accounts to pretend to be the second group and vomit hate at the first.

Aside from the immediate satisfaction of hurling hate at the target, there's this general hope that it will cause real strife between the target and the group being impersonated. And there's even some benefit in just getting people venting about it so people who aren't affected see commentary on this crap and just come off thinking "damn, look at all those crazy slumfs and their weird factionalizing and infighting. I don't want anything to do with that."

Now maybe you're thinking, "OK, but I'm pretty sure this creep harassing me really was a three-headed five-legged slumf, and even if this one wasn't, I've definitely encountered such in real life." We could go back and forth on this all day about whether people are who they say they are and how being a gross bigot and being a target of gross bigotry aren't mutually exclusive at all, but at the end of the day, I don't care in the slightest if someone spreading this kind of crap is just stirring crap or legitimately personally what they claim and bent out of shape. Getting real people on board is explicitly part of the goal. If it's working that doesn't make things better. The point is you are sharing something which doesn't really serve any purpose beyond encouraging animosity between two groups (or hell, two individuals even) that bigots are out to get, and people's exposure to it are going to be advancing those bigots' goals.

You could also argue, hey, no, it's important to share this stuff to educate people. Educate them about what, though? That random creeps give marginalized people are hard time? That's pretty common knowledge. Some members of marginalized groups are huge bigoted creeps? Also goes without saying, there's bigoted creeps all over.

Or maybe we're just sharing this yarn because dealing with creeps sucks and it helps to vent about it. That's totally valid, we all need to vent about stuff that sucks. I'm doing it right now! But like... you can talk about how lame stuff is personally affecting you without vaguely insinuating whole groups suck by association. Just tell me you've been dealing with BS from some bigoted creep, I'll sympathize. You don't need to quote all the awful gibberish and personal identification. Consider something more like this:

So hey. I'm a trans woman, and I had this total creep start messaging me out of the blue one day, blaming me for all the problems in the world from like famous bigots existing to having abusive parents, being part of some huge conspiracy with a bunch of other people apparently selected at random, something about sexual favors with a long time stalker of mine, and a bunch of other random crap, and then proceeded on this weird crusade to get my patreon shut down and failing that harass anyone supporting me there until they stopped.

I'm not bringing up any of the axes of marginalization this weird creep may have been on and giving anyone any ammo that way, just pointing out the sort of weird freaking crap people like me have to deal with regularly. Also hey fun fact, the above example is a real thing that happened to me, it really did have a serious impact on my income from which I've never recovered, and once my landlord cashes this month's check it's gonna leave me with something like $39. So uh... have a link to said patreon? Point is, like... try and focus your highlighting of the plight of the marginalized on actionable stuff and important information to be shared, not pointing at other people who are/claim to be marginalized who are being complete creeps.

[crowroboros]

kinda tired of always seeing the "waaah Zelda lore and the timeline is so confusing/messy!!"

not really!! you're just inattentive !!

A lot of the connections are either directly stated in the games (Like LoZ 1 and 2. OoT, MM, TP, and WW. WW, PH, and ST, etc) or through meta connections (like how to avoid religious references, Triforce of the Gods was renamed to A Link to the Past because it was written to take place before the events of Zelda 1 and 2 and then A Link Between Worlds getting the name Triforce of the Gods 2 in Japan cause it is a distant sequel to ALttP). Like come on y'all, just pay attention. A full timeline could be formed without looking at the official one ONLY using information in the games and chances are you'd be mostly right.

"Oooah!! but Ganon??!! how does he keep coming back??" Literally always gets explained in games. OoT was his first appearance, Adult timeline: he is sealed away in OoT. breakes free of said seal using the Triforce of Power between OoT and WW (literally stated in the prologue of WW). He is then killed in WW. Child Timeline: OoT is prevented by Link being sent back in time (which we see at the fucking end of OoT) sealed in the Twilight Realm, killed in Twilight Princess. Downfall Timeline, sealed in the Sacred Realm during the sealing war, breaks free of seal in ALttP, killed in ALttP, resurrected in the Oracle games, terrorizes Hyrule in ALBW and LoZ1 and is killed in LoZ 1 like FUCK it is literally shown in the events of the damn games. pay attention!!

Half the shit I see that you all are confused about is due to your own misunderstandings, either cause you didn't understand what was being said or because you just missed it and came up with some interpretation so off base that of course it would confuse you when trying to fit it into the series at large. And half of these misunderstandings wouldn't even be a thing if yall were open to being wrong and changing your interpretation. but alas that's not what we see, instead you blame the games.

No, most of the Ganon appearances aren't different Ganons. they're all OoT Ganon(dorf) EXCEPT FSA and TotK Ganondorf cause OoT Ganondorf is killed in and isn't resurrected but rather reincarnated (as FSA Ganondorf). FSA and its manual even states how Shadow Link is created from the Dark Mirror giving form to FSA Ganon's hatred of a Link who killed him in a past life. Of course it has to be after one of the times OoT Ganondorf is killed for good like how are you all stumbling over this??

No, Zelda doesn't get reincarnated unlike Link. All Zelda's are descendants from each other, but they're not the same person or soul.

NO not all Zelda's are incarnations of Hylia, ONLY SKYWARD SWORD ZELDA IS! They share a blood connection to her through SS Zelda, but they themselves are not Hylia.

No, Twilight Princess isn't a Wind Waker retcon idk how anyone is even coming to that conclusion?? Zelda in OoT makes it VERY clear that Link being sent back seven years and closing the door of time will separate the past and future of OoT, meaning that whatever he does in the past (the child era) won't affect the future already created (the adult era). like this is dialogue said in OoT, read what is being said I'm BEGGING you.

While we're talking about the timeline split...

The Downfall Timeline makes complete sense. Do I think it was what they intended when writing OoT? No. Definitely not. I don't even think they conceptualized it until 2002 or so. But its clear that once they wrote Wind Waker that they realized that the story of the Sealing War matches OoT better (which if you remember, OoT is meant to tell the story leading up to the Sealing War.) in a timeline where Link fails to stop Ganondorf. Otherwise Wind Waker and Twilight Princess wouldn't have been written to explicitly follow the adult and child endings of OoT. As the prologue of ALttP states, Ganondorf entered the Sacred Realm, raged war against Hyrule, becomes the Demon King Ganon using the complete Triforce and was sealed away in the Sacred Realm by the Seven Sages. That doesn't line up with either of the endings we explicitly see in OoT but it sure as hell lines up with what Ganondorf said he'd do if you lose the fight at the top of Ganon's Tower. Yall act like the downfall timeline is some massive horrible failure of writing when its really just the most logical conclusion of what is presented in the games. Never in OoT does Ganondorf obtain the full Triforce. his whole goal in the second half is to kill Link and take the Triforce from him and Zelda. The Seven Sages are there to seal him away, the Sacred Realm is open and has been corrupted by Ganondorf's influence. Hyrule was been ravaged by war. Ganondorf hasn't transformed into the Demon King Ganon yet. Almost everything lines up for the Sealing War, Link just needs to die for it to 100% work because Ganondorf doesn't have the complete Triforce. And he won't get the full Triforce if you win against him. How are you gonna argue that it makes more sense and matches ALttP better if Link wins?

And I've seen way too many people calling TotK a BotW retcon cause of Ganondorf's existence?? Even saw one guy on twitter somehow under the impression that TotK was a prequel? as of the entire game hasn't been advertised as taking place 5+ years after BotW? As if the Castle and Castle Town isn't in ruin? All because Ganondorf is there in human form? Guys, Calamity Ganon is nothing more than Ganondorf's power and hatred leaking from his body as he and Rauru rot underground. Calamity Ganon is essentially the physical embodiment of TotK Ganondorf's goals enacting his will while he remains imprisoned. This is made so clear in his in-game character profile, which also makes it clear that he only broke free of Rauru's seal on him due to the extreme earthquakes and damage that the Calamity caused. It was also fucking obvious ever since the 2019 trailer. This was spoonfed to us and some of yall still missed it? Seriously?

The ONLY extreme oddity in the overarching lore is how BotW and TotK fit in beyond "it's at the end", but even that has a few solid possibilities and isn't anywhere near as egregious as people want to make it out to be. You all want to talk about how you love theorizing and shit but are completely incapable of having a theory deeper than "botw/totk Link and Zelda are romantically involved!!!!"

(^not a dig at zelink at all, I'm just saying that a lot of you so called theorists only try your hand at "theories" that are so strongly implied that they're practically canon rather than trying to solve actual mysteries and questions. you don't want to do any research into the lore and try to piece shit together. something will be even the smallest bit ambiguous and you all tap out)

There's more but fuck I'm not looking to scour the internet to disprove every damn misconception and mistake.

Do I think they planned everything since the beginning? of fucking course not. this is a series with 20 canon games at this point and more on the way. there is absolutely no chance all of this was conceptualized 37 years ago. All im saying is that the overarching lore and connections that have been weaved over the course of nearly four decades isn't the clusterfuck that a lot of you try to paint it as.

[fenmere]

Crime-Cat and the Deliverator: Unprompted

previously, on tumblr:

Chapter 1 - Pranked: Our hero is confronted for the last time by their new nemisis, Crime-Cat, who is under the impression that the cute enby pizza driver is a hero named The Deliverator.

Chapter 2 - Moonlighting: Our hero contemplates the complex history that brought them to this moment, how they got to the point where Crime-Cat is about to show them their new secret lair, as a date, and the nation's heroes are in for a big surprise.

and now, the thrilling conclusion:

Chapter 3 - Unprompted

Well, this isn't what you'd planned, but it is obviously the moment.

Crime-Cat isn't exactly cornered, but there's just going to be no better timing than this.

"Have I ever told any of you what it took to get to this planet?" your voice booms out and echos about in the shoreline industrial complex, causing everyone to look around in confusion even though you're right there, standing behind your spouse. At least the marriage went right.

Crime-Cat, being right in front of you, felt where that rumbling was coming from, and looks back, startled. Then their face is overcome with horror as they stumble back.

Damn.

You were right in the process of unfolding your second set of arms and standing up straighter. Your tail is still uncurling, and your head frills have shed the appearance of hair and are reflexively flapping themselves violently to get the blood flow back. It feels good, but seeing Crime-Cat look like that was not a sight you wanted to see.

The "heroes" figure it out seconds later.

Despite the aural confusion of your booming declaration seeming to come from everywhere, it is kind of hard for a human, even a superhuman, to ignore a Kepekapean standing upright in their midst.

You look down at them all.

Crime-Cat has been such a disaster since you first met on the fateful night, pizza box still piping hot in your hands. You were good at that job. So good at it that they were dead convinced for a full year that you were a superhero, and that your delivery uniform was your costume. But you ended up dating when you finally convinced them that wasn't true. And they just became even more inept, you've often wondered how they rose to power as a villain on this world. Except their telekinesis is really that good.

But something about human infatuation or something psychological like that had rendered them so astoundingly awkward that it became clear to everyone that you were the brains behind the Power Chair almost the moment you started sitting at their side on the arm of it.

You'd come up with a new identity, with Crime-Cat's help, a sex worker. And you'd made it a point of acting like you'd never been part of this scene of crime. Which you hadn't!

Previously, during the day you'd been working as a hero with your former teammates, the darlings of the United States, the Justice Eagles, and doing delivery for Moonlight Pizza at night.

Sleep is for humans. Good tips are for Kepekapeans.

Anyway. You thought your act was top notch. Nobody had known your true origins or your different identities up until this very moment. But they still all saw through that sex worker turned villain's personfriend/spouse right at the beginning. All because Crime-Cat was so silly in love.

And so, for the following year, you'd become public enemy number one.

Which was OK, because you'd also come to conclusions about who the real villains were.

These people who are now still wearing their patriotic uniforms. Right here in this abandoned industrial site. These people readying their powers to face you, despite the words they'd just uttered.

Everything about tonight is just going all wrong.

You'd been working with the Justice Eagles long enough that you thought you'd known them. Volunteers all, they were patriotic to the bone, to the last one of them. Taking up the cause of Uncle Sam just to prove to the world that it was worth doing, drinking up all the lies about their supposed democracy and the powers of the free market.

Especially after fighting off their military backed efforts to squash you for a whole year, you never expected them to come to you tonight, paying lip service to Crime-Cat's official leadership, to ask if they could join your cause.

So, you thought, OK. Let's all stop lying. Let's come out. Let's all be honest, and negotiate this fully.

And here, your beloved spouse is now scrambling back in horror and disgust.

"Wait!" you shout, holding out your dominant left claw, palm bean facing the Eagles, or whatever they want to call themselves now. "I may look scary, but you could all crush me now if you banded together. I don't want that. You don't want that."

Manhammer steps forward, "Explain yourself!"

Crime-Cat is making all sorts of comical faces, pursing their lips and blowing out a long breath while goggling at the ground around them with wide eyes. They start flapping their hands in that way that's really actually very cute, but presages telekinetic chaos.

"You've come here to fight for real justice, yes?" you boom. "To turn the tables on those who have exploited you and the rest of humanity, correct?"

There are uncertain nods all around, except for Crime-Cat, who looks up at you in grim determination.

Oh, you're going to have to make this quick, or they are going to wallop you out of abject terror, and possibly rage.

"I have endured millions of light years worth of travel to do the same," you declare. You're realizing that maybe half of downtown is capable of hearing your words. You'd forgotten what it was like to take your true form. You've had to compartmentalize yourself, your memories, your personalities, in order to play the various roles you've played on Earth. But now that you have access to all of yourself, looking down at Crime-Cat, you're also realizing that, yes, you really are in love with that tremendous, dangerous dork. If only you weren't fated to drive them away with your inhumanity and towering, nearly ethereal presence. You focus on what's ultimately more important, "You knew me as Atrial, Heart of Justice. Then as Filigree, Crime-Cat's new sex worker personfriend, who became their spouse and took on the mental of the Deliverator. But I have always been the same person. The same person who came here to save humanity, and help usher you into your rightful place in the galactic community. And I see no reason to fight any of you now! You have awakened to reality."

"I sure the fuck have!" Crime-Cat exclaims, looking you up and down.

Here it comes. The cost.

They charge you. Which is not their usual MO, being a telekinetic. But they're just that enraged by your betrayal. So, you stand there in resignation.

You've made your play, and if you're destined to join forces with the true heroes of this world, they'll have to work it out amongst themselves. Maybe Crime-Cat can still lead them, now that they're over their infatuation and newly-wed bliss over you. But if you're going to be a part of it, the others are going to have to prove their allegiance and understanding by coming to your aid and restraining your spouse. If you raise a claw in defense, you'll just be as bad as the government they claim to be betraying now, as far as you're concerned.

You feel Crime-Cat's hands clasp around your secondary right claw, as they make it to where you're standing. You look down in sadness, prepared to take whatever it is they're about to inflict upon you.

Right into those upturned eyes, watering with trepidation and bravery, a human coming into full contact with the greatest horror they have ever seen from across the stars.

They're kneeling.

"Let's go back to the lair right now," they whisper. "We can sign the contract with the Eagles later. There are things we need - we need to -" their voice comes to an abrupt stop as they lose all words.

They grin hopefully.

Hm.

Maybe you're not as good at reading human expression as you thought.

"We can let you two get a room," Miss Friday says. "We don't have much time, but that looks important."