#Friendship Red Flags

[niggadiffusion]

My Experience with Boundary DisrespectLowkey Last Nerve | For the Tired & Fed Up. Over It.

I’ve been through enough in my life to know when I need to set a boundary. It’s not about being “too much” or “too sensitive”; it’s about self-preservation. The problem comes when people think those lines don’t matter, that they can waltz right over them like it’s no big deal. Let me tell you about the time Roman and Phil thought my boundaries were just suggestions, and how that shit shook…

[joitotheworldstuff]

💚 Jealousy in Friendships vs. Romantic Relationships: Let’s Talk About It

We talk about jealousy in dating all the time; Checking phones, side-eyes at exes, the whole nine. But what we don’t talk about enough? Jealousy between friends. Yep. That awkward, sometimes unspoken tension when your girl starts glowing in a way that makes you feel… small. Or maybe you’ve felt the sting of being on the receiving end. Where your win felt like a loss to someone you thought was…

[10bmnews]

5 types of people one should not be friends with

Having true friends is a blessing in disguise, but these days it is tough to find such people who are genuinely caring and supportive of others. More often, we end up finding ourselves being surrounded by toxic frienemies– which are generally people who pretend to be nice to us, but in reality they are either not good for us in the long run or badmouth us in our absence. While no one is perfect,…

[wickedzeevyln]

⋆. ˚✮ Penumbra ✮˚.⋆

Shining your light on people may be an undeserved act of kindness when they only remember you when it’s dark. It’s a reality that people face from time to time. In their desire to belong they sometimes fall into the trap of taking the role of a supporting cast in someone’s story. In an age where mail boxes are no longer prime lots for spiders to build cobwebs, it’s surprising that some hang on…

[pastelricky]

I just went through a friendship breakup, I knew this friend for 24 years. We met when we were 3 and 5.

Here is a list of things that led me to tell them I was taking a step back from our friendship.

I am posting it in hopes it helps others, especially with BPD, see red flags in their friendships.

1. When I express how I missed late night talks, their silly good morning texts, the random memes they used to send, ect; they said, "Yeah, work kills friendships."

Yet you have anime nights on Tuesday and DnD twice a week??? Those friendships sure sound fine.

2. When I expressed that being left on read was triggering, I asked for them to send a "k" or emoji... They started leaving me on read more often.

3. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers. Not once did they ask how I was processing the news. How I was handling the new reality.

4. My therapist had a list of questions I needed to ask to each friend. Whenever I tried asking them, they were always too busy or too stressed out. I stopped trying at the 4th time. And because I couldn't ask questions, it did impact a few sessions of my behavioral therapy.

5. I had a cancer scare a few months ago. A coworker I hate shared more active care than my ex bff did.

6. I was always trying to show support for their new interests and hobbies, but they stopped showing support for mine.

7. I was the only one asking to hang out. I always meet with no answer, "Oh, let me check my schedule" with no follow up, or cancling on me when we finally had a time and date setup.

8. I ingored how I was feeling for months because I knew they were busy with work and family issues. I was always putting their needs in the friendship before my own.

9. I was starting every single conversation. When I told them my therapist said I needed to stop that, there no support from their end. Just said "yeah" wtf does "yeah" mean there?

All my other friends have called me out at least once. But never them.

10. There was a span or two to three weeks where they didn't ask once how I was doing. I asked them, they never asked back.

I know I have BPD. I know I can be a lot. I am trying to grow and improve myself. I still deserve friendships I feel wanted and needed in.

I still love and miss this friend. My chatbox will always be open to them, even if I should close it off. I want nothing but the best for them.

[what-iz-life]

A person doesn’t have to only drain u with arguments and fights. They can drain u with lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of empathy, lack of apologizing, lack of acknowledgment and lack of fulfilling your love language. Know the red flags

[fishnapple]

Relationship Green flags/ Red flags

This list was a part of another post but I want to make a separated one for it, to serve as a reminder, for myself, and for anyone who needs it. I will update the list if I think of anything more to add.

Green flags

When the couple is also best friends with each other

When they're genuinely curious about each other

When two people walk side by side, not one in front and one behind

They protect each other in front of other people no matter how wrong the other person is (not counting abuse or other legal crimes), but still be able to see the wrong doings clearly.

When both partners put the other's well-being at the top of their priority list

When the first person comes to your mind when you want to share something good or bad is them

When there's a spark in the eyes when they look at the other person

Listen attentively when the other is talking

Ask how you feel

When both can feel comfortable being honest (able to voice their concerns, worries, fears, hidden dreams, aspirations etc.)

Encourage and support each other towards betterment

Celebrate each other's happiness

Keeping their words

Willingness in solving problems

When both are willing to compromise and work together/to face the ugly sides of the relationship or of the self and the other person/ to communicate/ to learn

When both are proactive in the relationship, taking turn to suggest fun things to do, where to go, what to eat etc

All kinds of virtues like honesty, patience, kindness, loyalty, respect, etc. (not just towards you only, but to others in general also)

Love children

Love animal

Consistency: putting in a consistent effort, not being wishy-washy

Fun & humour

Feeling safe in each other's presence

Respect for boundaries and consent

Emotional compatibility

The feeling of being at ease with each other & trust (you can have all the above but without these two feelings, it's kind of meaningless)

and many more.

Red flags

When one is talking and the other is looking elsewhere

When one is in front while the other is behind

Being judgmental and opinionated, about all kinds of topics

Criticising the other person's taste, hobbies, habits constantly. Especially in front of other people.

Calling names (not the cute endearments)

Cruelty & Violence of any kind (obviously)

Silent treatment (refusing to communicate)

Inconsistency

Being avoidant, ghosting (at this point it's not a red flag, it's an ending)

Empty promises. NATO (No Action - Talk Only)

Condescending

Tell you what you're feeling

Unwillingness to compromise/ to understand, unequal effort, one-sided conversations

Lack of care for the well-being of the other person

Lack of appreciation for the other person's achievements and success

When you're low on their priority list ("I will have time for you after I'm done with this or that, after I met with my friends and other important people in my life")

Feeling like you have to tip toe around the other person

Feeling like you have to do something to get the other's attention

Asking the other person for permission to do something like buying something, meeting someone, going somewhere (I'm not talking about getting consent to do something with each other or getting something related to the other person, it's about decisions that normally one can make independently for oneself)

Jealousy & possessiveness (the idea can seem attractive on paper but the reality is usually not)

Demanding to know every secret, every password, getting access to every personal space of the other person

Lack of respect for boundaries and consent

Passivity (waiting for the other to initiate, never initiate anything)

"Why are you doing this to me?", victim mindset, constant blaming

Dating someone while thinking that person is not attractive or up to one's level or vice versa, thinking that person is way above one's level (the idea of "level" is damaging, both ways of thinking can bring illusions, unrealistic expectations and power imbalance)

Lack a healthy sense of self

and many more.

[threepandas]

Bad End: Winter's Victory

Cigarettes in this world were different. Odd, I guess. I had never really paid attention to the smell of cigarette smoke, before I ended up here, but I knew it hadn't been? Exactly... well, pleasant? I guess? Not to say that all the ones that existed here WERE, mind you. It was still smokey. The cheap ones an overwhelming incense. They called it "stepping out to pray" for a reason. You ended up smelling like you spent hours in a temple during prayer.

But the smell that lingered here? Clung delicately to cloth and the walls? It was more of a... warm spice. I could never place which ones. There was, yes, a smokey undertone, but? It more or less added to the complex almost taste scent of spices and tea. Dark and rich. Lingering. The sort of thing that takes time to develop.

The entire house was like that. Well, compound really. Austere and ageless, time did not seem to touch the inside of these walls. Did not seem to dare try. It was a blessed relief. A place of respite. All soft, dream-like edges and beautiful gardens. Meandering halls and tasteful, understated art. Peaceful company. Good food and tea.

A lingering smell of smokey spices.

My sister was up to her Protagonist shit again. It was... exhausting. I knew, intellectually, I should be back home. Playing my part. The ever supportive Big Sister archetype. Endlessly kind. Endlessly patient. Supportive to a fault. Smiling and smiling no matter WHAT bullshit nonsense that child pulls. No matter HOW she shames our house or causes trouble I must undo.

But honestly? I can't. I just... can't.

The idiotic little shit SLAPPED A PRINCE. Thank the heavens it wasn't one of the Emperors favorite sons or we'd all be dead, but still! Who the fresh hell taught her that was acceptable?! No. Just.... No.

Let Father deal with this for once. If he insists on spoiling and infantilizing that child? HE can reap the rewards. Her MOTHER can parent for once, instead of sitting around being generically "perfect". I am not there. This is beyond my pay grade. Frankly? I don't even HAVE the power to smooth this over. I could, technically. But not at any cost I'm willing to PAY.

Not for my sister's "she not like other girls", "oh? How interesting", fucking MOMENT.

No WONDER the Elder Sister character disappears in the later half of the royal route, only to turn back up in the palace. She's a freaking Consort! To a letch! Powerful one, yes. But STILL! And all just to protect a sister who not only doesn't notice? But doesn't even attend her wedding?

No.

ABSOLUTELY Not.

I lift the (frankly beautiful) cup of tea I was served to drink while I wait. Breathe in it's rich, soothing scent. Let the steam curl against my face as I stare out the open sliding doors at the fall garden. It borders on too cold for this... but not quite.

The tea is warm. The snacks are warm. I was brought a beautifully embroidered blanket to rest across my lap. Have a robe draped over my shoulders. It is... meditative, almost. Just me and the quiet sigh of vibrant leaves on the breeze. The world muffled. Warm dispite the cold. Ah... the garden really is... so beautiful....

I let it soothe me. Drain away my anger and frustration at the world. Running water, birds in the trees, insects. The silence is so wonderfully full. Alive. I have to keep my mind from bitterly comparing it to constant dramatics filled mess of the gardens at home. Focus on the here and now. This is NICE. Focus on this.

Quiet, near silent footsteps approach. Gait even and steady. Most men his age meander or shuffle, but like the home he keeps? Kaito seems almost untouchable by time. As though not even the Gods dare. I honestly don't blame them. He can be quite commanding when he wishes. Good thing he's rather laid back.

"Come to escape the treasonous?" A modulated voice teases. Wry and dry as salt mines. "Your fool sister is aware that actions have consequences, yes? Or has that idiot father finally succeeded in spoiling her back into infancy? Traditionally, we do not let such young children wander."

Kaito's voice isn't terribly high or husky and low. It is... smooth. Controlled. Like running your fingers across fine fabric. I could honestly listen to him read a phone book and be pleased. He would have made a killing as a voice actor, in my first life. Or reading audio books. Something.

"No retort? Witty defense? Oh dear. You are exhausted, aren't you, my friend?" He noted, dropping the teasing edge. Stepping inside the viewing room and calmly sliding the door shut behind him, I could almost feel him observing me. "When was the last time you slept? Properly. You're a mess, my friend, look utterly exhausted. Has it become that bad?"

Worse actually. They keep doubling down. Doing stupid "girl power!!!1!", poorly thought out, works in a 21th century DEMOCRACY but sure as shit NOT HERE, so called "power moves". I was? So, so fucking tired. Legitimately scared for the servants at this point. Because, honestly? Let stupid reap it's own reward. I TRIED. I was dismissed and ignored. Taken for granted.

Accused of JEALOUSY!

Like? Oh, HELL NO. I know exactly where THAT train of thought ends. I've read enough of the Genre to cut THAT shit off at the pass. Not Today, Satan!

So? Fuck um. I Tried. But I REFUSE to set myself ablaze to keep the ungrateful warm. Especially when they have both coats and just want to roast marshmallows. But... the SERVANTS? They are innocent. Wrong house, shit masters. Half are basically indentured! Much to my outrage.

We HAVE the funds to pay them better. But do I control those funds? Dispite doing ALL THE WORK? Managing the House? No. Of course not. THAT would be Protagonist's mother. And we really need that money for more jewelry and pretty outfits for her daughter. Fuck the household, I guess.

Things are... likely to get bad.

Because I have made the painful, painful choice? To let GO.

I can't keep holding up the house. I am NOT Atlas. Was not granted a second chance, just to throw it away. But at the same time? The servants. Not the enabling, vindictive, lapdogs that circle my family like vultures. The ACTUAL servants. Gardeners, cooks, maids. The no one's that they will not remember.

Somebody has to protect THEM. It must be me. Or no one else WILL.

I'm hoping Kaito will help.

Please, heavens, let this be enough to help. Then... THEN I can figure out how to protect myself. Hopefully. Maybe. Though I am probably running quickly out of time.

"Dear one, are you with me? You are drifting. I need you to come back. Focus on me. The sound of my voice. Can you hear me? Do you see the leaves? Focus on their color. See the reds and yellows beyond them. Like fire, is it not? Can you smell the tea? Dear one, what kind is it? Come here. Back to your body. That's right..."

Smooth and soothing. Closer then what felt like a blink ago. Huh. Yes. The leaves are quite lovely, aren't they? And... and this is red cliff, first harvest, right? Ah. I'm still so bad at telling certain types of tea apart. How mean. He knows this.

.....my brain feels mushy. But back in my body. I manage to scrounge up the edges of a smile. Gods, I am so tired. Worn so thin. But I... I can't rest. Not yet. Kaito kneels beside me, too dignified and reserved to show the full weight of his concern. But it practically howls from his body language. The sheer closeness he has allowed. I must have truely scared him there.

I would tease him, about using my notoriously bad memory of frankly near identical teas against me... but I just... just can't.

There isn't enough energy left in me. I think the soothing nature of his home, his company, has been my undoing. My brain has finally declared me safe enough to break down. Ha ha... perhaps that is why I've been avoiding coming here for so long. I knew I would break down. Would not want to leave.

Unspeakably rude of me.

"The rumors have not done the situation justice, it seems. You seem at your wits end. My dear, you cannot continue like this. Please, let me help. I realize it is overstepping any number of boundaries... but..." the weight of his concern; the words he was struggling to find, to phrase the unkind more palatably, hung between us. "Please, my friend. You are struggling. I can not bear it."

I felt exhausted tears well up. Days of being overwhelmed. Threatened on all sides. Wondering if today would be the day, that the royal gaurds kicked down our gates and executed us all. Struggling against the blindly arrogant and willful actions of my family. The very SAME family that treated me as more of a secretary then as any kind of kin.

Where would I be? If I had not met Kaito, all those years ago? Visiting his cousin, who was marrying a friend of my cousin. Even then, I was desperately trying to keep the name of our family from being filth. My father could not tear himself away from the whims of my sister or his pretty new wife. My grandmother somehow uncaring, tyrannical and doting, indulgent and yet strict.

I was the ONLY ONE who could and WOULD bother to represent us.

Was called frivolous and silly for it. For "seeking parties" to go "play at". As though it was not stressful. As though it was not far beyond my training and skills. Only the concerned eyes of cousins from other houses and guidance of matriarchs from BETTER houses, let me survive at ALL.

Grandmother still does not understand why she no longer gets invitations. Why her name is mud in the eyes of other elders. They did not take kindly, to her abandoning her granddaughter to do HER and HER DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S job for them. But... there I was. Doing my best. Decorated like a little doll, uncomfortable and quite.

Kaito didn't even need to speak to me. Would never have approached such a nervous, unchaperoned child. Forget being simply a young unmarried girl. I was quite LITERALLY a girl. A child. He never would have so much a acknowledged my existence normally. It simply wasn't done. He was after all, an unmarried man of considerable power.

Still is.

But he needed to speak with his cousin. Who, quite rudely, would NOT take a hint. Too wrapped up in his new bride. Thus forcing Kaito to come over. Bless him, he still tried to politely ignore me. So as not to put pressure on a nervous child. But, once again, Cousin Dense As A Brick struck. Introduced us before merrily swanning off to go talk with friends, taking his wife, my cousin, and ONLY CHAPERONE with him.

We were both baffled and aghast. Horrified. It was the sort of gods awful that somehow found its way back around to being funny. Granted, only because we were in a highly visible location surround by other part goers. But still. Why don't you just? Pick me up and dump me in his LAP next? Good gods man.

Needless to say? The roasting was merciless and immediate. He escorted me to a friend of his. Terrifying woman. We had a grand time roasting terrible behavior and I learned SO MUCH. They were Hilarious. Clearly appreciated having an audience who could actually grasp their sense of humor. I left with letter buddies.

Acquaintances that became friends.

Kaito became my single BEST friend. A refuge, a mentor, a confidant. I trusted... TRUST, the man more then any single soul I've ever met. It helps, I guess, that he meets me where I AM not where he assumes I SHOULD be. Doesn't baby me. Infantalize me. Nor does he treat me in any way that would set off a "creep" alarm in my head. He's just... Kaito.

All cunning eyes and slight smiles, dry humor and cutting wit. Ever the rougish yet refined strategist. Bad boy of the highly polite. All the high court ladies still sigh over him.

Grey eyes that bordered on black filled my vision. That whisp of soft silver hair that never wanted to stay put, forever falling across his brow. My view of the garden cut off. When had he moved? Had I drifted back into my head again? It seemed so.

This close, I could not help but notice his eyelashes were still the rich dark of his youth. Few strands of silver yet touching his eyebrows. He'd had a beautiful shade of black hair it seems. It was rather striking....

A pinch on the back of my hand. Bright pain lancing through the fog. Kaito's hands cupped mine, kept me from jostling my cup. Stopping me from dropping now cold tea into my lap. Taking it from me gently, he set it aside. Thumb rubbing the skin he had abused. His face was apologetic.

"And that marks the second time you've drifted away on me, dear. I'm afraid I'm no longer asking. I'm will be helping. This is entirely unacceptable. What in the gods name have those idiots done to you?" His voice was soft. Attention focused on me. I felt... felt so very fragile.

Not weak. Fragile. Like glass under strain. Bones near their breaking point. That final support beam struggling with weight beyond its abilities to bear. He was treating me like I was wounded. Was I? Perhaps I was. I certainly felt that way.

I just... just wanted someone ELSE to take care of it all.

Just for a bit.

Was that so wrong?

I was TIRED. Felt the tears coming back. Here I was, coming to a dear friend, about to ask him to take on a burden for me. Risk enraged royalty just to protect the innocent. Being unspeakably emotional and RUDE. And I... and I... I just....

"Shhhhh. None of this. You've done so much. Have been so, so brave, my girl. No more. It's alright. I'm here. I'll take care of everything." He soothed. Soft and unbearably kind. All I could do was nod. Agree. "There we are, good girl. You'll stay here for now, all right? No more stressful journeys to that house. I'll send someone to gather your things. We can have everything dealt with after a rest."

His hands, boldly, came up to cup my cheeks. I found I didn't care. It felt nice. His palms warm and dry, gently cradling.

I wouldn't be able to stay. He knew that. I knew that. It simply WAS. We weren't related, weren't married. I had brought no chaperone. I... gods, I wanted too. Badly. But I couldn't. I just needed help with the servants. Told him as much. Words rambled disjointedly between us as I struggled to get them all out.

"Ah, but the solution then is simple, isn't it?" He said, looking almost amused. "You just need to marry me."

Blinking, the thought didn't quite process. My confusion clear enough on my face for him to continue.

"Every time I see you, you are suffering some fresh new indignity from that house. Some brand new insult. Isn't it better here? I know you enjoy it. The servants adore you. I adore you." The hands on my cheeks shifted, just slightly, barely daring to let their thumbs stroke just slightly."

"I would give you everything, dearest."

This... did not feel political. Nor some ploy to just protect the servants, offered by a dear friend. When... when had things changed? I knew for a fact, he held no such interests in me as a child. I'd seen him kill a man over the mere suspicion of such things. Yet... it's also not like I'd grown UP in front of him. We talked mostly over letters.

It was harder to remember my physical age through those. Since I didn't exactly talk or write like the child I had appeared. And talking to each other, being friends with each other, for going on a decade... certainly WAS a good foundation for a relationship, wasn't it? I didn't know any more. How old... how old even was I?

His hands were so warm.

Felt strong and reliable, cupping my face. A reserved and refined (if a bit mischievous), pillar of strength that I could finally lean on. Offering up a tempting dream world where I wouldn't have to think anymore. Wouldn't have to deal with troubles or reality. Just... just endless, beautiful, painting-like peace and serenity.

No more drama... ever again.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Didn't I deserve to rest?

Who else, really, could I even see myself marrying? Realistically? Some untested lout? Character suspect and temperament unknown? What prospects, what LOYALTY, could they even offer? Would they even respect my boundaries? Could they ever hope to match his knowledge of my likes and dislikes? Could... could I ever hope to TRUST them? Like I did, Kaito?

I felt my expression soften. Decided to be a little bold too. Leaning forward, I let my hands come up to lightly grip his arms. Still so corded with muscles. The man never did skip out on his training, be it archery or swordsmenship. My forhead rest lightly against his, that wayward strand tickling my skin just a bit. His breath smelled of those smokey spiced cigarettes while his skin, which I had never dared take note of, smelled of daily things.

He held so perfectly still, as though afraid to spook me. Seemed startled by my boldness. How cute~

I couldn't stop the grin if I tried.

"Yes, yes, mock the old man. Impertinent minx. So scandalous!" He teased, finally unfreezing after gathering his thoughts. That plotting spark back in his eyes. "Whatever shall I do? My guest takes advantage of me! Oh dear, oh no~ I fear for my honor! You will have to make an honest man of me, I'm afraid."

The laugh burst out of me, feeling a lot like relief. Gods, I'd missed this. Just... just sass and light hearted teasing. Droll humor and wit. No nightmare politics or angry royals. No trying to manage the unmanageable. Not responsible for any but myself. Yes... yes this was exactly what I needed, wasn't it?

Honestly? FUCK the Plot. FUCK the Protagonist and her nightmare social blunders! I was gonna get OUT of that house. Live for ME. Marry a nice, reliable man. Have a beautiful home. Maybe get some pets. Eat snacks! Laze about and enjoy the gardens! Have some gods damned PEACE for once! It sounded perfect.

I told Kaito there were no take backs. Congratulations on the terrible idea! I was HIS problem now. Have fun with your new, future in-laws!

Laughter was the best thing I'd felt in weeks. One of the maids I liked was already on standby and ready to lead me to a guest room. We bickered light heartedly, him groaning in exaggerated ways about his TERRIBLE fate of having to deal with IDIOTS! Oh, Darling, how COULD you?! Ha! Suffer.

It... gods, it was beautiful. Dreamlike. A perfect, story book solution to my woes.

Really, if I did not TRUST Kaito so much? I would have been suspicious.

But I did.

So I left with the maid, a smile on my face. Relieved. Happy. Engaged to a "good man". The most TRUSTWORTHY man I knew.

Thus, did not see, like a mask, his expression slide away. His open body language close off, like then slamming of a crypt door, locking the dead back inside. The warmth draining from the room as I left it, as though I had taken every trace with me. Leaving only the cold, cold THING behind. One that wore the face of a man.

A handsome man, yes, but an empty one.

One that was Not Pleased.

"I distinctly recall," his voice cutting the silence like an assassin slitting a throat, sudden and violent yet just as impersonal. "That I ordered her not to be bothered. For you to get rid of that... thing, in a timely manner."

Shadows dropped from the roof. Then too their knees. Kneeling, loyal unto death, before the one that commands them. Many are injured. They do not shake, for all that they have failed. Will likely die for it.

"Give me one good reason to let you live. A single one." The empire's spy master, the Winter Ghost, asks the room at large. Picking up his beloved's tea cup, considering it as he talks. He almost wants to destroy it. So no one else can ever use it. Touch it with their filthy hands. "Well?"

His assassins continue to kneel. Silent. There is no defense for their failure.

Three die instantly, the rest are not so lucky.

He decides to keep the cup.

Running his thumb along the rim where her mouth touched it, he steps out, closer to the garden and slides the door shut. It truely is a lovely view. Behind him, his servants behind the familiar work of cleaning up. Kneeling in the dirt before him, the next set of assassins.

"Let me make my self clear this time. I don't care how you do it, how painful or how slow, but they are to be gone by the time I am wed, understood? If that useless chit or her idiot father darken my door, you will long for the mercy that is death. Get out. And do not DARE fail me."

A quite chorus of confirmation, then like leaves... scattered on the wind.

He was named winter victory. For his mother's success in seizing control of her poor, late, husband's house. Born into the cold, it has always remained. Is it any suprise he covets warmth? In any form he can have it. Every form.

A pity though... that he won't be needing his plans.

She would have made a beautiful widow.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

for the record. i think it's like. okay to be annoying. you're gonna be annoying sometimes. it comes free with being a human fucking being. it shouldn't be the end of the world when someone says "hey this thing you did kind of annoyed me. you don't need to stop doing it just know that I'm not gonna interact w it much" like. that seems like a reasonable thing to me. everyone (yes, even your friends) have pet peeves that sometimes you will set off. this is fine and it will not ruin a friendship unless you. like. make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, because thats when things tend to get ugly and bad. not everyone is gonna like everything you do and that's fine? not everyone has to be so enthusiastically hyped for things that you like. you'll never be happy if you start thinking like that.

[javaghoul]

Tokyo Ghoul Volume 4 re-read part ???( I forgot)

i originally spelled "forgot" as "thorgot" so this post is going to be incredible.

Picture quality is shit because I did it.

TW: Itori criticism ☺️

(my lighting is crap lmao).

I love this chapter.

At first, it was because it was Yomo heavy and had hints regarding his background, but now after rereading a billion times, I noticed all the foreshadowing, all the suggestions and subtleties that there is A Lot Of Shit Going On™️. Excellent stuff.

Btw this picture suggests a funeral. I wrote on my old blog, a long ass post regarding my thoughts on this picture: paying particular attention to the photo Itori is carrying and the wistful, sad expression she has when discussing babies later on. Interesting stuff.

Tell me this isn't a nod to Charles Manson.

Clowns... Manson family.... donato.... hmmm...

Uta definitely knows his true crime. Maybe Uta named the bar.

Love seeing Yomo getting bullied.

My man doesn't consume fast fashion like YOU, Itori.

For real though, he looks like he doesn't give a shit, but as we see in an extra thing in a later volume, Yomo absorbs all of this and it plays on his mind. Sensitive soul.

I tabbed this page and I don't know why.

Behold Itori squishing kanekis face into her tits.

Teenage Uta and Yomo!

One of Utas' gang is the dude that Nishiki "booms" in volume 1. I heard a rumour that one of Utas' guys is loosely based on Ishida too.

Ok here we go.

Right. Itori.

Remember being in school, and there's always that one kid that always pretends to be stupid because they think it's attractive?

I don't think Itori does it to be appealing, but I 100%

Do.

Not.

Buy.

her ditzy act. At all.

She does this to create ease and comfort, so folks drop their guard and overshare. Manipulative.

Case in point.

I hated this scene then, and I still do now because I can't stand bullies. I really feel for Kaneki because he's so fucking daft and socially inept. I think most, if not a few, people at least would be like "O-Kay, you can fuck RIGHT off" after this happens, but Ken doesn't challenge it at all. He totally accepts what's happened like this is normal behaviour.

Either that, or he's learnt that he's not worth defending. He's so used to being trodden on, that he believes that setting boundaries for himself is wrong.

Itori sowing seeds of inquiry in ken, whilst also involving Yomo in a conversation which he clearly doesn't want to be part of. Yomo know as much, if not more, than Itori and Uta, but cannot or doesn't want to divulge...for?? Loyalty to Yoshimura? Concern for Ken?

For whatever reason, in my opinion, this illustrates Itori's lack of regard for Yomo (or at least his alliance with Yoshimura). She's hinting -not subtly - that Yomo knows more than he's letting on. She's basically fucking with Kanekis head, and testing Yomo. Great friend ☺️

Drip feeding info again. This is so staged it's laughable (with the gift of knowing what happens later on of course). Again - poor Kaneki.

this is another part I really hated. I really felt for Kaneki. Everyone seems to know his origin story better than he does, and nobody wants to sit him down and talk with him about it. It's really fucked up, especially since he's an adult.

It reminds me of people that find out they've been lied to their entire life about being adopted etc. knowing your past, your "birth" (because Kanekis ghoulification is like being reborn) should be a right granted to everyone. What the individual does with that info is up to them, but lying? Cmon, Yoshimura...

(and knowing that uta and Itori, the latter being a stranger until five minutes ago, know more than you and were discussing it behind your back with who knows how many people, is cruel no matter how much you try and justify it).

[classycookiexo]

[itsnevssin]

After playing how fish is made I think a lot about that one fish that asked if it should go down with his friend or up with his family.

If you tell it down, it says

"Really? I've been so stupid! I can't make decisions for myself, my buddy always told me as much! He'll be angry when I join him, but he always tells me how to earn his forgiveness.

I won't make this mistake again! Oh how wonderful, how good, this freedom of certainty!"

Since the game had parts directly intertwined with mouthwashing it makes me think a lot about the nature of Jimmy and Curlys friendship.

[bowenoke]

we talk a lot about how current kids, teenagers, and parents never learned internet safety in this age of social media, but i think we also gotta be honest with ourselves that most of us, adults on the internet who participate in fandom, never really learned how to engage with young people without setting them up for disaster.

might be weird to say it like this, but it's important to leave people how you met them or better. like hiking or going to a nature reserve. if you are regularly talking to people on the internet, especially teenagers, you need to consider whether your behavior with them is how another, shittier person would take advantage of them, because you have no real way of protecting them if that happens. like if you're going into discords and saying 'hey i'm mom! let me help you with your homework and irl issues. also please feel free to vent to me if you have any mental health issues or problems at home" you have to understand that the next person who says that to them may be leaving out the end of their plan; "that would make you easier to abuse."

sometimes you have to say "you seem fun and have a lot of great ideas but you are also 15, so if you wanna talk fandom, here are the boundaries we're going to follow, because these are the boundaries other adults should be following with you." or just refuse to talk to kids.

you decide what your responsibility, is but what you can't do is build an illegal fire pit on the hiking trail, if you catch my drift.

[what-iz-life]

Stop chasing people and forcing connections. No one is too busy for the person they love. No message is a message, no response is a response. Their lack of effort is their lack of interest in you. Their lack of response is your lack of importance to them. Let them go and move on.

[keshamour]

 justinesmic and annapantsu released an amazing cover of "Red Flags" and I just couldn't help, but hear those two in it at times!! And yep Still trying to survive

[xxdreamscapes]

earning trust with feral/semi-feral cats is so rewarding (⁎⁍̴̛ ₃ ⁍̴̛⁎)!!

semi-related: pay attention to how animals act around certain people, no matter how much they claim they "love animals" or how much of a "dog person" they are

A lot of people use animals as a crutch, to avoid themselves, for brownie points, or to hide their own personal inadequacies