#GOOD shit though…worth it for 1 night perhaps…

[tanoraqui]

I really need to figure out how to read Rachel Aaron books in a way such that I stop partway through and sleep

[icyg4l]

PAC: Are You Getting Kisses This Pride Month?

Hello beautiful people! Tonight’s reading is hella self explanatory. This reading is apart of my Pride Month series. I will be using my Pride Tarot Deck in honor of this lovely month. This topic is dedicated to my queer folks who haven’t gotten as much action as they've wanted to and want to know if they’ll get some luck this time around. There will be some 18+ moments in these readings but nothing too extreme. There’s no need to talk too much so please! Without further ado, please select the image that resonates with you the most.

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (Pile 1-9)

Pile One: For some reason, I am channeling that hand clapping game called ‘Mama’s Having a Baby’. I think that this pile is real fertile this month, lol. Or you could be feeling very playful and nostalgic this month. I also channeled the “trick or treat, smell my feet” song. So with that being said, I would say that you are getting kisses this month. Some of you could be kissing an old childhood friend. Perhaps you are rekindling with an ex that treated you very well. I am getting the energy of a cool down period. I feel like you will be hanging out with this person all day in public, but afterwards you go to their place or vice versa. This person is clean cut, has great manners and is very compassionate. They’ll treat you like royalty. There is a bit of teasing that comes with this kiss though. It does not come easy, you will have to work for it. It will be sloppy, hot and completely worth it. Congratulations, Pile One!

Cards Used: 6 of Cups, King of Cups, The Sun, King of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, Knight of Wands, 8 of Pentacles

Pile Two: I am seeing someone fold their arms and close their legs. So, this is a no for you, Pile Two. For some of you, you could be starting your abstinence journey this month for personal reasons. The top reason being you’re just not feeling the dating scene. The feeling of disgust is coming up. You’ve been in this predicament before, Pile Two. I feel like you will have the opportunity to get some kisses but you’re not all the way sold on going that way with whoever. I am getting that whoever this is, they just want to fuck you. But you are choosing to withhold your sexual/lustful urges because you can sense that they only want what you have for one night. Good for you for choosing yourself. You are not a doormat, Pile Two. Sniff out the bs and be done with it!

Cards Used: 5 of Pentacles, The World (RX), 6 of Wands, 3 of Wands, 9 of Wands, Strength, 8 of Wands

Pile Three: Well, it all depends, Pile Three. How bad do you want to kiss them? It’s all in your hands. I feel like everything will be set up for you to have the perfect kiss with them. Just don’t fuck it up. I feel like you will need to loosen up or be alone with them for a while in order for it to go right. Don’t rush anything and just be yourself. You don’t have to pretend to be anyone else. I am channeling the energy of Josie from Bottoms. Use her strategy to get you and your person alone. I get the feeling that you are coming with someone in mind. This person is someone that makes you feel at home and safe. The kiss itself will make you two closer. Don’t be surprised if some type of promotion occurs in the dynamic a couple days after the kiss. I don’t blame you for feeling so nervous but avoid acting as if you do not care. It will not manifest the way that you want. And once again, loosen the hell up, Pile Three!

Cards Used: The Devil (RX), Judgment, 4 of Cups, 7 of Wands, The Hermit (RX), King of Wands, 6 of Swords, 4 of Wands, 2 of Cups

Pile Four: I feel like you are traveling to a different city this month. D.C., Los Angeles, Seattle, Manhattan, Atlanta and San Francisco come to mind. I feel like you could be into some taboo shit when it comes to the bedroom. You might be into swinging, visiting sex clubs or be an avid collector of sex toys. When you visit this city, you will be enjoying the single life, just minding your business. I am seeing a club/party scene in my third eye. The scenario I am thinking of is someone buying you a drink and because of that you two will be acquainted throughout the night. This person could also invite you to dance with them. This is someone who is very friendly. If you are visiting a friend in this new city, this will be a friend of your friend. I feel like you don’t typically kiss someone when you first meet them, but on this night you will. It will be well-needed. This kiss will start off as innocent and you two will match each other’s freaks, lol. I feel like they might end up taking you home, lol (please be safe). In the morning, you’ll be worn out but will feel neutral about the situation. It won’t be something that you regret, but it will be something to talk about amongst your friend group, lol. The Carrie Bradshaw energy is very strong here, lol.

Cards Used: 4 of Swords, The Hanged Man, The World, 9 of Pentacles, 2 of Swords, 8 of Wands, 3 of Cups, Knight of Cups, The Star, 10 of Pentacles, Page of Cups, 3 of Pentacles

Pile Five: Your energy is conflicting, Pile Five. It feels like if you are kissing someone, then you will be kissing them for the last time. But I am also getting a scenario that you will be with someone but they are going to reject your romantic advances. In both scenarios, you are being led on/lied to/lovebombed unfortunately. If you do get kissed however, I feel like it will not be good. The kiss will be mid and it will make you question the state of the relationship. This is a wakeup call for you, Pile Five. If you’ve been feeling like they’re not being clear and sending mixed signals, this will be the sign that you are waiting for. This person is selfish and does not put in the effort to see things from your perspective. They have narcissistic tendencies and for that, they feel it is easy to manipulate the situation. I think you will have enough of this person sooner rather than later.

Cards Used: 9 of Cups, King of Wands, 3 of Swords, The Magician, 10 of Swords, Ace of Wands, 8 of Pentacles, Page of Swords, The Moon, 7 of Pentacles

Pile Six: Well duh. You knew you were going to get the kiss before you clicked on this post, Pile Six! I heard “She said yes!” as I was pulling for you. I feel like you have been waiting to make this person your significant other and this time, they will finally say yes. The reason for their delay is because they wanted to do things on their time. They did not want to rush anything. They wanted to make you feel included in their schedule. Others of you are already in a relationship and will actually be getting engaged. So, the kiss will happen after the question is popped! I believe that this proposal will happen in public (whether it’s for the position of marriage or not). This person means a lot to you and it makes sense why you two are together. The kiss feels like magic; like one of those kisses in the movies where someone gets picked up and twirled. Congratulations, Pile Six!

Cards Used: 3 of Swords (RX), 2 of Cups, 4 of Wands, 10 of Wands, The Emperor

Pile Seven: Now listen, you will get your kiss but it will be under one condition. You have to impress your person’s circle. I feel like this person puts you under a lot of tests. They’re kind of childish but if you feel like you can handle it, go ahead. I see you have a lot of faith in this connection. This person values their friendships a lot so your scenario makes sense. But there’s some type of disadvantage for you here. I feel like they will get their friend to flirt with you to see if you’re actually faithful. Maybe they will purposely start an argument with you in front of their friends to see how you will react. There is something about this scenario that feels abrupt. But you will pass the test and win your person’s trust. Be patient with them and take them serious, please! I think that the actual kiss will be “small”. It will be a peck on the lips, something innocent. The kiss itself could be abrupt as well, but at least their lips are soft, lol!

Cards Used: 7 of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, 6 of Pentacles (RX), 7 of Swords (RX), 8 of Swords, Queen of Swords, 2 of Cups, Page of Wands, 3 of Wands, The Empress, King of Cups (RX)

Pile Eight: There’s nothing blocking you this time, Pile Eight. Go for it! I feel like this could be your ex or this could be your partner who you’ve been on bad terms with. You could even feel like you are growing distant from your partner. This kiss will be sweet like honey. It’ll happen at the right moment. You’ve been meaning to do this but perhaps you’ve gotten rejected in the past. Another scenario I thought of is someone interrupting the kiss or there being some external circumstance preventing you from actually doing it. Somebody could be a cockblocker, lol. This kiss will seal the deal. It will be reassuring. This will be the ‘oh we’re definitely getting back together’ kiss or the ‘we’re back on good terms’ kiss. It will happen after a long talk. It could happen after a dance with them. Either way, this feels very intimate and it should have happened a long time ago.

Cards Used: Justice, 6 of Cups, The Devil, 7 of Wands, King of Wands, 6 of Swords, Judgment, 10 of Pentacles, The Lovers (RX), 10 of Cups, 5 of Pentacles

Pile Nine: Your pile is so interesting, Pile Nine. As I was pulling for your pile, I channeled the Funkadactyls theme song??? If you used to/still watch wrestling, this is definitely for you. But you have the tendency to let your thoughts get the best of you. Unfortunately, I do see this tendency getting in the way of you kissing your crush. This person has mutual feelings for you but damn will your nervous system get the best of you. I feel like you will unfortunately fumble the bag temporarily. But the opportunity will still be there. It’s not all the way off the table. Afterwards, you will get the kiss when you feel more ready and prepared for the event. You’re so cute omg. When the kiss finally happens, it will be intense. This is making me think of those Wattpad books where the smut starts and the writing goes like, “Their tongues danced for dominance”. The nerves will be shaken off in the moment. I feel like your crush will be stingy though or at least a bit of a tease.

Cards Used: The Moon, 2 of Pentacles, The Magician, King of Cups, The Star, Page of Cups, 7 of Pentacles, 5 of Wands, 9 of Wands (RX), King of Swords

[inhibitionfreewriting]

Right Person, Wrong Time (pt2)

for what it's worth, i'm sorry for any heartbreak

part 1 / part 3

🌠🌠

Surely there was a reason for this. To be damned to show up with your bar-crawling friends to a place where your ex fiancé is flirting with some woman. Your friends haven't noticed him and it doesn't seem like he's noticed you, too busy trying to get the woman to laugh at his jokes.

It takes less than 2 minutes from your friends to find a table near the bar itself but far enough away from him that you don't really mind, sticking to the innermost corner of the group. They barely even paid attention when you were more focused on getting a good shot of him than ordering a drink.

you 7:19pm: [picture of your ex fiancé]

you 7:19pm: stupid motherfucker couldn't pick a better bar to go hard ass women at

you 7:20pm: harass*

You weren't even entirely sure of who you sent the message to, perhaps a little too inebriated yourself to be completely in control. Maybe that was what you really wanted though. That's what you were used to, wasn't it? Having other people make decisions for you? One of the people you were with slid their drink over to you.

"Drink honey, drink and I'll get me another one. You need it you just look... you look sooo so sad." Fruity. You could barely taste the alcohol.

"You can't be sad!" Another one says, smacking their hand down on the table before pointing at you. "You can't be sad because your life is going to get so much better. I can feel it. It's in the stars. I was reading your uh... your... fucking what is it called, shit."

"Horoscope?"

"YES! Your whore scope."

"Horoscope."

"Shh shh shh. That's what I said. It said that your life is going to change in a big big way soon. I believe it's gonna be good." You shook your head and continued drinking, not paying attention to the way that the conversation drifted away from you once again. The way you liked it.

... bzzzt ...

Willard Neffard 7:30pm: I thought he didn't even drink?

Thank god you had texted Will and nobody else.

you 7:32pm: 8 months ago he didn't

you 7:35pm: but maybe that was a lie??

you 7:38pm: IDK i kind of wish i could leave but i cannot drive right now

Willard Neffard 7:50pm: I got you 👍🏻

you 7:51pm: a literal night in shining armor

you 7:51pm: knight

"Guys, I'm gonna have a friend come get me." Your friends frowned and the one next to you wrapped their arm around you and dropped their head to your shoulder. "I don't feel that great and I think I'm out of battery for the night."

"We get it babes, you gonna stay with us till your ride gets here?" You nodded and leaned your head against the one on your shoulder.

"Probably for the best. Just means I can keep knocking them back until then. Excuse me, miss!" You called your waitress over and ordered another round. The Uber driver would get it surely, if you explained to them that you saw your ex fiancé who technically left you at the altar showed up at a bar that you were at to relax so you drank a little more while waiting for them to get there? Yeah, definitely, of course they would. Who wouldn't?

Willard Neffard 8:26pm: Outside

At this point you were near stumbling and your mind was in a perpetual spin cycle. Were you too hung up on your life getting destroyed, or were you hung up enough? Your friends told you it was grief. You were grieving the burning of bridges, the deaths of friendship, and that grief was hard to get over. You grow around grief, grief doesn't get smaller.

The air outside the bar had a bite to it, the cool breeze immediately lighting your cheeks up, what a difference. No Uber to be seen though... and no Will either. Did you send him the wrong address? You pulled out your phone and checked, no you sent the right one. You ran your hand through your hair. There was a slim chance that he was playing a joke on you but after everything you didn't put much weight into that theory.

"I heard you needed a ride."

No, absolutely not. You shook your head with your eyes shut, hoping that you wouldn't fall over.

"Will was busy and there wasn't a way you'd get an Uber out without it being completely overpriced." Hasan stood a few feet away, like he was nervous to be any closer, in a tan sweater and dark slacks. "All I want to do is get you home safe."

In another life you would have ran and wrapped your arms around him, telling him he looked good and thanking him for being willing to pick you up. In another life he would have been at the bar with you and your friends, celebrating something. All you could muster was a quiet 'okay' before opening your eyes and walking past him to his car, getting into the passenger seat without saying anything else.

With your head against the headrest, you closed your eyes again and tried to pretend you were anywhere else with anyone else. The car ride was quiet sans the random radio station all the way down to where you could barely make out the beat to the music with your hand against the speaker.

Eventually, Hasan sighed heavily and smacked the steering wheel before leaning back. You jumped in your seat, eyes snapping open before looking over to him and then the cars ahead of you. Lines and lines of red taillights, backed up far past the edge of your vision. This was not going to be a quick 30 minute drive home.

"Oh. Of fucking course," the liquor in your system making you louder than intended. "The first time I go out drinking in months, months, I have to see both assholes who have ruined my life. I'm going to kill Will. I should have told them I couldn't go out. Should have stayed home." Hasan turned enough to look at you, but said nothing.

"I wouldn't be in this fucking mess if it weren't for you," your body turned to face him and you jabbed a hand in his direction but didn't make contact. "Seriously, every time my life goes to shit, it is you at the wheel of the ship. Why is that Piker? Do you hate me? Is it active sabotage, or is it just the balance of the universe? I'm the one who has to suffer for you to be happy?" The car moved a few feet before stopping again. "Well? Nothing? You have nothing to say to me?"

You observed him the best that you could in the lack of light. One hand sat on the steering wheel still, the other on his lap in a fist and he gnawed on the inside of his lips in thought. You had seen that look many times before, the gears in his head were turning, but still he stayed silent. Impatient, Words started to tumble out of your mouth again, each heavier with angry tears than the last.

"I can start it for you since you're too stupid to think of it first. How about I'm sorry? You don't even have to be specific. Just 'I'm sorry'!" Your fingers were cold on your face when they wiped at your cheeks. His hand left his lap and gingerly reached for one side of your face and for a moment you even contemplated letting him. But only a moment. Seething with pent up rage, you smacked his hand away from your face and moved towards the window with the little room you had left. He had pulled his hand back into his lap but cut you off before you could take a deep enough breath to speak again.

"I am sorry." For a moment Hasan let his words hang in the silence, waiting to see if you'd cut him off this time and continue ripping into him. "I should have said it to you way earlier than this. It shouldn't take Austin and Will doing an event to get me in front of you to apologize for... everything."

"No you can't just cop out with everything, you need to apologize for ruining my life!"

"Yes," he sounded exasperated and it fueled the rage in your stomach but you let him continue, actually biting your lip to keep your words in. "I am sorry for fucking up your life. Do you-" he ran a hand through his hair, "do you think I've stopped thinking about you once in the last 3 and a half years? When I saw you with that... motherfucker the first time, I wasn't even upset at you for moving on, I was fucking happy for you dude.

"And then you fucking tell me and Will the same shit you've always said, marriage is a scam, that this marriage will be no different than any other marriage. You expect me to think you're in love with him? I'm not that fucking stupid and neither are you. And he walked out immediately because he thought you were cheating on him!"

"Yes because my ex boyfriend decided to object at the wedding!" Your voice was much more a shriek than anything else, "why couldn't you have just pulled me aside beforehand instead of... ruining my life!"

"I didn't-" mean to ruin your life. The words stuck in his throat like tar, singing his breath. He leaned his head in his hand as he inched the car forward. How do you really apologize to someone for causing someone so much heartache because you were still heartsick? Hasan felt like he could throw up. He'd never be able to apologize enough, he knew that from how you were barely holding yourself back. "I'm sorry, button."

If there was anything he could say that would have broken you entirely, it was calling you button. The first sob wracked your body the hardest, remembering the last time he called you that. His lips on yours and on your cheeks, telling you he loved you, that he would never find another one for him like you. It seemed so silly now, having it bloom a sickening warmth in your stomach when it should have been disgust.

It was still in there. A small piece of him, sitting in your heart like iron, rusting the gates that you had tried so hard to reinforce.

[cabinofimagines]

Better Times p. 2

Yeah you had to wait for part two, even if I finished it early. Finally an ending, I guess. Pairing: Poly!Solangelo x gn!reader, Will Solace x reader x Nico di Angelo Request: In part 1 Word count: 2.2k Warnings: Hurt/comfort- bad feelings, but eventual comfort. -Asnyox

The next day was again peachy. You woke up, your eyes still a little grimy from last night's crying. What if you didn’t show up to sword practice today? Or you simply didn’t leave your bed at all. No, not leaving your bed would eventually just make you feel worse than how you’re feeling currently, so you have to get out. You didn’t have a shift at the infirmary today though, so perhaps you should just go to sword practice, eat breakfast and lock yourself away afterwards. That seemed like a good midway - maybe starting your day would let the blues leave. 

So out you went, got dressed, got to the training arena, faced Sherman, not Nico, showed up to breakfast, ate something, waved at Will, didn’t feel any better. The day continued and around three in the afternoon you called it quits. It didn’t matter what you tried to do- nothing was giving you satisfaction, or felt like it was useful. Throughout the day your brain decided to suggest other activities that might be worth your time more than whatever you were doing, but those activities seemed to be even worse than what your initial plan was for the day. It was dreadful. Therefore, maybe doing nothing would feel good. 

Thus there you were, laying on top of your blanket, in your bed. Nobody else was in the cabin, and you were grateful for it. You had, as a good intention, grabbed your journal and a book you were currently reading, for perhaps your bed would give you enough comfort to do something. It hadn’t, however you kept the two near just in case someone would walk in. You would be able to quickly grab either and pretend to be busy to dodge any questions or requests. Or, at the least, you hoped you wouldn’t look like a depressed little shit. So, you just laid there, sometimes urging yourself to pick up the book, only to stare at the same page for ten minutes before closing your eyes. Eventually the dinner bell rang and you got up, head a little painful. You felt tired, but food might help? 

Food did help, at least with your energy level. You even found yourself a little excited to go to the campfire, more or less unable to say no to your friends. And you had spotted Nico sitting with Mr. D, and Will at the Apollo table so maybe you would be able to sit with them. 

Yet, as you made your way to the campfire surrounded by some of your friends, you didn’t see your boyfriends. After a bit you spotted Will with his siblings- ah, of course they would lead the campfire songs. He didn’t look at you, so you looked away. You couldn’t find Nico, but he might have gone to bed early.

Gods you were touch starved. Even the warmth of the campfire couldn’t make you pretend that your boyfriends were near, and the fact that that was the first thought in your mind was upsetting. You indulged in conversation with your siblings for a bit, but still, seeing Will so far away, it just made you want to lock him, Nico and yourself up in your room, in your bed and be cozy.  

And you truly thought you were making it up when Nico sat down next to you, and pressed a kiss on your cheek. After a moment of surprise you smiled at your boyfriend. 

“What are you doing back?” you asked as you reached for Nico’s hand, which he gladly gave you. “I missed you and Will,” Nico looked you over, “and I’ve been worried about you.” a pit formed in your chest, as you tried to laugh it off. “Why?” you didn’t like how your voice trembled just there, “I’ve been fine.” you tried to correct your tone, to no avail. Nico shook his head. “Don’t lie to me.” his tone was angrier than he was expecting it to be. He had known you were feeling less than okay from the date yesterday, and he realized how little he had seen you in the past weeks. He had missed Will and you and when he saw you in passing today you looked miserable, but then he hadn’t been able to find you again during the day and he got roped in the last few things he wanted to do for the troglodytes, so this was the first time he got to you again. Seeing you made his heart a little lighter, but his worry bigger. You were radiating yearning and he had seen you stare at Will from across the amphitheater. Either way, he could see that his tone had affected you, as you were no longer smiling, but instead staring at him, sadness barely contained behind your eyes, guards up. 

You weren’t saying anything, and Nico knew the feeling too. Instead he decided to stand up, tugging at your hand without words. He made eye contact with Will, and beckoned him over. Will took a moment, laughing as his siblings probably teased him, before he walked around the campfire towards the two of you. 

“What’s up with the two most beautiful people in the world?” he asked, although he could clearly sense the tension between the two of you. You looked away from your boyfriends, not wanting to face them just yet. 

“We’re going to have an intervention,” Nico said casually, and he squeezed your hand, “You coming?” You didn’t know, but Will nodded as he looked at you. He had been worried too, and this morning he had found Nico, but not you, and talked with him about how weirdly distant you felt. He knew he hadn’t found much time for you recently, and felt bad, but he did hope you would come to him if you truly felt bad, or if you at least felt ready to deal with your feelings. He hated forcing emotions out of people, but it hurt him to see you hurting. Will walked wordlessly to your other side, grabbed your hand as you looked up. You were met with a worried smile of your lover, before he softly kissed you on the cheek. “Let’s get this strong one checked out, huh.” His words were soft as your boyfriends led you to the Hades cabin. 

It hadn’t taken long to walk to the cabin, but when the warmth of the campfire was removed it seemed as if the cold hit twice as hard. You didn’t want to do this- but then again isn’t this what you had wanted? Alone time with your boyfriends? You had thought that they didn’t know, or wouldn’t notice but of course they do. Your significant others loved you, and would notice it whenever you’re unwell. 

So you walked into the Hades cabin, the lovers on your side moving to stand in front of you, neither letting go of you as they grabbed each other's hands, completing the circle. Your boyfriends looked at you, hoping you would start talking, telling them what was wrong. Instead, you tried to push their worries away. 

“I am fine, now that we’re all together.” your voice wavered, but you smiled, unaware of it not reaching your eyes. Nico wanted to call out your lie again, but decided to change strategies. “You’re allowed to feel bad, love.” Nico spoke softly, careful with his tone, “ You can talk about it, or not- that’s up to you but at least let yourself feel bad. Don’t force yourself to have a good day, like you did yesterday, or feel good.” “I wasn’t forcing myself,” you objected, “the day truly got better when I hung out with you!” “But afterwards? Or today?” Nico squeezed your hand, a knowing look on his face, “You’ve been feeling bad for longer and going on a date isn’t going to fix that.” “But it helped.” your voice was quiet, “I didn’t want to ruin our first outing like that.” “It might’ve helped, still it doesn’t mean we’re not worried.” Nico matched his voice to yours, and as a short silence fell Will spoke up. 

“And you should talk to us, or anyone, even if it would ‘ruin’ a date.” Will sucked in a breath, “I know it sucks to hurt- but we would be more worried if you didn’t tell us than if you do. We care about you and want to know when you’re unwell.” There was a lot of emotion in his voice, but after his little speech the room got quiet again. He let go of your and Nico’s hands as he cupped your cheeks.

“What do you need?” Will asked, wanting to leave behind his doctor ways of prescribing help. Will acknowledge that this time you were the only one who would know how to help yourself. 

“I don’t know.” you choked back tears, you did know. It wouldn’t fix anything in the long term, but it would make you feel better.  “cuddles?” your voice came out as a whisper, gone from the emotions you were feeling. Will smiled, as he softly gave you an ‘of course, love’ and intertwined his hand with yours. Nico silently propped up the pillows on his bed, before guiding you to sit next to him. As you sat down you leaned your head on Nico’s shoulder, as he put his arm around your shoulder. 

Will laid his head on your shoulder, still tightly holding your hand and leaning on to you. You didn’t want to move- but hiccups shook your body as you let out more tears, slowly you moved your legs up, going more into a fetal position as you leaned further into Nico, but Will pushed your legs softly downwards a little, refusing to let you curl up. 

“It will feel better, I promise.” he said as he looked you in the eye. He put his palm under your chin, using his thumb to move away some of the tears. It was futile- more were forming and falling while he did it, but he tried anyways, lovingly, catching them, catching you. His face was one of concern and so, so much love, as he made a final effort of clearing your face of tears by pressing a kiss on your cheek before once again leaning against you, his head on your shoulder. 

Nico’s grip on you tightened, but he was unsure of what he could do, and wanted to do. If Nico was honest, he hadn’t gotten much, if any comfort previous to dating Will and you whenever he had breakdowns. He didn’t know how he could help- he just understood the need to be independent, and the relief when he found out he didn’t have to be that anymore. This wasn’t about him, but he would need to be told what you needed before acting. 

Nico felt guilty, most of all. Perhaps if he had kept you closer he would’ve noticed sooner, he was often the most perceptive of the three of you. Then again, you knew how important communication was, and he knew how hard it was to communicate. The cycle of emotions would never go without its stumbles, and next time Nico swore to himself he would catch you. He would much rather fall with you, and find you at the bottom of a spiral. So he held you, and would hold you until you were steady again, and hopefully long after, he would hold you in his embrace. 

Will was, although worried, contend with this right now. He didn’t want to admit feeling some tears of his own form, but he blinked them away. He held you a little closer, and slowly felt your body calm down. Will had been worried, and he had missed you and Nico. Perhaps, he should’ve been blaming someone for not taking care of you- whether it be you or himself, but he simply didn’t think that would help anyone, solve anything. Instead, he would focus on your breathing. He noted that he should get you some water soon- make sure you stay hydrated, and your hand was unusually cold, but it might have been the stress causing that. If anything, Will was planning ahead- ways to make you slowly feel better, and of course, ways to converse about these topics without upsetting you. He loved you too much to not want to build you up from the ground, and admire your true smile once more. And you? Finally letting out your feelings, telling your boyfriends, being held by the loves of your lives? You weren’t sure- this was nice, but what if it was temporary? You wanted to feel guilty, but could you really when they clearly wanted to be there for you, when they did this for you? All you knew right now was that you were in the arms of those you hold so dear and you were warm, warm, warm.

[ladyzirkonia]

Heavy Rain - Part 1

Summary: Long-standing tensions with Commander Fox reach a breaking point, when some regretful decisions lead to a chase through the rainy nights of Coruscant.

Pairing: Commander Fox x Doc!Fem!Reader, feat. juicy Jesse 😎

Tags & Warnings: violence (police violence?), strong language, discrimination

Word Count: around 1.000

author's note: I know I really wanted to write smut (I'm fucking trying) but I got carried away and because this got a little bit to long there will be a two parter. Building up the tension for the release. 😏 I listened to this while writing.

@clonexreaderbingo Square: Coruscant

It was a rainy night on Coruscant, and you cursed inwardly as you almost slipped, sharply turning a corner and running into a dark alley. The rain had completely soaked your clothes, it's not like you had much on today anyway. You had been looking forward to a relaxing evening at 79's after a long, hard day of work. Jesse hadn't given up easily, and even though you were tired, that handsome son of a mudscuffer had managed to lure you out. Damn that stupid face, it was almost embarrassing how quickly you ran when he called. But could anyone blame you? You couldn't think straight when he looked at you with that certain gaze, confident and teasing. In that moment, you knew if you wanted to punch or kiss that stupidly handsome face. But instead, you pulled out your only going-out outfit from the closet and used the little makeup you owned. Hair? Oh, completely overrated, that had to do. After all, you had a Doctorate, he should admire you for your brilliant mind, and if not? Then he could go kriff himself.

But it hadn't come to any of that. You hadn't even gotten a kriffing drink, instead, you ran like crazy through the rain, a damn bad idea because you weren't the fastest, and certainly not the most athletic. And all of this because of that idiot in front of 79's who insulted you and Jesse. Being called a "slut who spreads her legs for clones" was one thing, something you could still ignore, but when he didn't stop ranting about the clones, claiming they weren't worth living, an insult to all real beings, and had no right to be treated like humans, that was all it took to make you snap completely.

You had to hear phrases like these far too often, and you had been working in the GAR and with the clones long enough that they made you furious instantly. These men were so loyal, each one you had met so far was unique and endearing in their own way - well, almost everyone - that the unfair treatment they repeatedly endured embittered and angered you. And that one idiot had to pay the price - just like his nose - when you brought him down with a well-aimed punch. Your medical training had helped, as you knew exactly how to break a nose precisely. Your bad luck was that the act didn't go unnoticed.

Of course, Commander Fox was patrolling EXACTLY tonight. Not just any of the Corrie Shinies or at least Commander Thorn, with whom you got along well. No, it had to be precisely the stern and often ill-tempered Fox, and you knew that you were in serious trouble. There had been tensions between you from the beginning. He liked to stick to the rules, and you... well, you were good at bending the rules of GAR protocol to suit your needs. The few encounters you had with the man usually ended in heated arguments. You were the little teasing shit who could annoy the hell out of him within five minutes, and he hadn't had anything in his hands against you - until today. And that's why you ran for your dear life now. You knew it was foolish, if he really had it out for you, you didn't stand a chance of escaping. But your instinct still said, "Run, just kriffing run." The last thing you saw was Jesse's amused and impressed face - well, maybe this would take your relationship to the next level - before you ran like crazy.

You ran for your life, hoping luck was on your side and that Fox hadn't bothered to follow you. Perhaps you had managed to escape. As you turned into the next dark alley, your relief turned into a loud curse. You had ended up in a dead-end, the street blocked by a high chain-link fence, and you had no chance of overcoming this obstacle. You weren't a Jedi or a trained soldier, so you could only frustratedly pound against the fence.

In the next moment, you heard a deep and all-too-familiar voice behind you, causing you to flinch. "Turn around slowly and put your hands up where I can see them," barked Fox, and you knew he had you right where he wanted you. "Seriously, Fox?! Kriff, you know damn well I don't have any weapons. What's the meaning of this?" you retorted angrily as you turned slowly and raised your hands, staring into his dark visor. You couldn't see his face, but damn, you could imagine his smug expression all too well, which only fueled your anger.

"Watch your filthy mouth, Doc. You're not in a position to make demands," he said in a far too calm tone, sending a shiver down your spine. "And now be a good girl and turn around, hands on your back," he continued, and for a moment, you considered going for him again, but kriff, it wasn't worth it. You loved your job despite everything, and you didn't want to lose it because of this mudscuffer. So you gritted your teeth in frustration and turned around slowly, crossing your hands behind your back. You felt Fox approach you, and you sharply inhaled as that sack of a bantha fodder got too close for your liking. His hard armor pressed into your back as he pinned you against the chain-link fence to put handcuffs on you.

"Kriff Fox, are you serious?! What the hell is this?" you exclaimed, your face pressed against the cold and wet chain-link fence. Your body trembled with anger - yes, it was definitely just anger, and maybe the cold - it had absolutely nothing to do with Fox invading your personal space.

"Language, Doc. And it's still Commander Fox for you. Your sens of respect has always been lacking," he said coldly, and you could only respond with a sarcastic laugh.

"Respect is something that has to be earned," you shot back.

"We will work on that," was all he replied - and you didn't know if it was a promise or a threat - before leading you away.

[wixed]

Summary: Chyla's entire world came crashing down around her when she finally saw Gale again after six months of being left high and dry while he pursued the Crown of Karsus. At Withers' reunion party Chyla was forced to confront her heartache and feelings on the matter. CW: Substance abuse if you squint, language Tags: God!Gale, Exes with Gale, Slow burn hurt comfort with other companions.

Chapter 1 - Chyla

“Oft… Hello, I’m Gale of Waterdeep!”

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting…but it is a pleasant image to be sure!” 

“One moment with you could sate me for a lifetime, and prise the fear from my heart.”

“I’m in love with you.” 

Memories of him cut through her like a knife, slashing away at her remaining strength. The echoes of Gale ringing like a voice bouncing through an empty chamber, his words hollowing out her heart. 

Chyla brought the near empty bottle of wine to her lips and downed the last drops. Her other companions still laughing in the distance, enjoying each other’s company as she drowns her sorrows. She snuck off to a lonely patch, not wanting to bring down the festive spirits. She thought back to earlier in the night and the conversation she shared with Gale that led to such wallowing.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Months. It had been months since Chyla last saw him. Months since she was left alone in favor of a crown. Months since she thought he had died in his pursuit. Months since she last heard the name “Gale Dekarios”. Yet despite the time that lapsed, none of it could have prepared her for the visage of the Gale before her tonight. 

His skin glimmered like freshly polished metal, adorned with the flecks of electricity that seemed to run through his veins, his eyes glowing, almost hollow. 

The sight of him descending down from the literal heavens stopped her cold. Chyla had been in the middle of speaking to Minsc about a jail cell and portals, mid chuckle when the breath caught in her throat. 

“My friend, Are you-” Minsc had tried to question her sudden silence as he looked in the direction of her focus. “AH! The Wizard has finally shown! …Though you are correct Boo, something seems…different with our bookish friend. Perhaps a new haircut?” 

Chyla left Minsc to his own ponderings as she quietly took a few steps in Gale’s direction. Her hands trembled, her vision started to blur at the edges, the noise of the party seemed to be so distant, like she was under water barely able to perceive any of it at all. Suddenly she was being pulled from the ocean of her own thoughts as a hand spiritedly clapped down on her shoulder. 

“Whoa, Soldier! Would you look at that! Gale became an actual God! Why didn’t you tell me?” Karlach laughed and she gawked at the new godly Gale across the camp. The laugh quickly quieted as she looked at Chyla’s still shell-shocked face. “...Shit.”

“I… I didn’t…” was all Chyla could muster in response to Karlach’s question. Karlach rubbed the paralyzed elf’s back gently as she looked up to see if anyone else was watching the major faux pax she was sure she just committed. Astarion looked up from the table he was seated at to quirk an eyebrow at them, to which Karlach shrugged with a grimace that wordlessly spoke ‘Help me.’ 

Astarion turned his head to look in the direction of all the supposed fuss. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes as they found Gale’s visage. Then it all started to click. Chyla and Gale were an item while their merry little band of misfits was still together. He didn’t know what became of the two, but found it odd she had come to the party by herself, he didn’t think to question it immediately, but now it made an unfortunate amount of sense. 

Before he could move Chyla continued on her path to Gale, as Karlach watched with nervous guilt. 

Once Gale saw her approaching an uncanny inhuman smile planted itself on his face. “Goodness, was Faerûn always so dull?” his voice had a reverberation to it that matched his hollow glowing eyes. “Still at least the company was worth the trip, if not the view…” He muses to himself as Chyla closes the gap between them. “I hoped I’d see you here.” 

She stood before him with bones like jelly and a stomach that threatened to revisit the dinner she just ate. “I thought you were dead. I haven’t heard from you in months…” despite her nerves the words leave her lips with an icy layer. 

Gale simply gives a small smile. Chyla could feel the anger coiling in her already. “I’m afraid time works quite differently in Elysium. I didn’t realize how long I’d been gone, until I received Withers’ summons.” 

The red hot ire coiled tighter in the pit of her stomach, the weightlessness turning to lead, her anger becoming a master of alchemy. “Before that then, before you ascended. Why didn’t you return my letters? A sending spell? Anything?” her voice broke with the last word. Anything. For so long she wanted anything from Gale. Any sign he still cared, any sign she still mattered, any indication that he still loved her the way she did him. But nothing ever came. Nothing was all she received to comfort all the fears and heartache, nothing to hold onto. Nothing. 

Gale’s smile faded through her line of questioning. He wore a neutral expression and seemed to consider his next words carefully. “My journey and eventual success reforging the crown was of the utmost importance. I couldn’t allow myself to be distracted, lest I falter and lose the opportunities before me.” The words squeezed around her already hurting heart, suffocating all feeling.

Chyla took a moment to glance around the party. She quickly gathered that all eyes were on her and Gale. Some of the companions were trying to be more subtle than others, but the effect of feeling on display was there all the same. She turned her attention back to Gale, her pained voice low and quiet.

“That’s all I was? A distraction? You couldn’t bother to even assuage the fear that you had perished?” Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. “That’s not the Gale I fell in love with. The Gale that shared the weave with me, the man I swore to love.” 

The divine being before her that claimed to be Gale reached a hand out, attempting to tenderly hold her own. She pulled her hand away while averting her glossy eyes. He frowned at the recoil. “Whatever you’re feeling, do not let it cloud your judgment. It’s still me, just an…improved version.” 

She finally met his stare, finding no warmth, if there was love to be had it was lost to her, she could not find it. Her eyes narrowed. He continued, “Just because you would have been a distraction to my ambitions does not mean that is all you were. You were so much more to me, you are so much more to me. I had hoped you’d understand.” 

She glared up at him, “Then help me understand, because I am struggling to do so on my own.” 

As Gale ardently jumped at the opportunity to talk about himself, Chyla tried to even her breathing, steady her heart, try to hear him out no matter how much it hurt to stand in front of him as he was. He regaled her with his journey to find the crown, boasting about his ability to find the right incantations, his skill in taking control of the Karsite weave and using the crown to claim divinity and ascend. 

“As expected, Mystra was unwilling to hand over the reins of the Weave, so I’ve claimed dominion over another area with which I’ve passing familiarity: ambition.” He proudly smiled as he spoke, as if the reveal of his domain was enough to impress and be forgiven.

Chyla gave a half scoff, “And what does the God of ambition offer his followers?” Gale frowned but continued. 

“I exist not to bestow favors on my followers, but to inspire them to seize their destinies for themselves, exactly as I did. I am their proof. Proof their hopes are not barren wastes, but the loamy soil in which their future achievements will flourish. Proof that with ambition, anything is possible.” 

The audience they both had gathered wasn’t lost on her and became apparent when Chyla swore she heard Astarion make an aside to Shadowheart “Anything except contact his paramour apparently.” She then heard him guffaw, no doubt because of an elbow meeting his ribs. She refocused her attention on Gale. 

“So you’re no different than any other god.” her words bore fangs as she spat them out. The venom was either lost on Gale or he simply didn’t care.

“I’m simply more honest about my involvement. Not to say I don’t help more actively when the cause arises. A whisper in the ear of a struggling artisan. A breeze to flutter the pages of a tome before a frustrated mage. A magical weapon stumbled upon by a would-be hero.” His words stabbed into her like a dagger finding home. He had already amassed followers, already performing godly duties. In her silence he took the opportunity to continue. 

“I am ambition incarnate. As indistinguishable from that most potent sensation as Mystra herself is from the Weave. And word is spreading. There are already several shrines in my honor scattered across the outer reaches of Thay, and rumors of a very prominent temple under construction in Amn.” A light cheerful tone strung itself through his words. It was the same tone that strung itself around Chyla’s neck, a noose choking the air from her lungs. 

“You… You had enough time to check on your followers?” 

“What kind of god would I be if I didn’t. The timing of such things is of a delicate nature. The creation of my domain required immediate attention, it perhaps is difficult for a mortal to compr-” He was cut off by a slap to his cheek. 

“You had enough time to admire your temples, to inspire your followers, but you couldn’t hear my pleas? You couldn’t spare one moment to tell me what you planned to do, what you had done? Six months mourning you and wondering if I'll ever see you again. Six months asking myself what I did wrong to have you abandon me. Six months deluding myself into thinking the man I loved would come back for me. Fuck you, Gale. Fuck you and fuck all of….this.” She gestured at him and then up to the heavens. 

He stood poised and stoic despite the slap. When she was done he took a deep breath and let out a disappointed sigh. “I achieved everything we hoped I would, and still I’m not good enough for you?”

Chyla couldn’t stop the angry sobs from leaving her as she clutched her chest, her heart breaking a million times over. “How dare you! How dare you stand there in your godly attire and claim I was the one who thought you weren’t enough. You were everything to me Gale. You were always enough and more. You were the one who only ever thought you weren’t enough.” Her tears rolled down her cheeks, there was no stopping them now. He tried to say something but she cut him off before he got the chance.

“How can you truly believe any of that, when it was me who was never enough for you. Why else would you have left me for the crown? Why else would you have chased godhood instead of a future with me? It’s so clear to me now that my role in this relationship was just to appease all your self doubts. A balm for your bruised ego, a convenient salve for all your lingering insecurities. Once you found a way to cure those on your own, what use have you of me?” She sobbed out the last words hardly able to stay standing, her knees threatening to give under her. 

Gale’s eyes narrowed and he looked away from her, as if disgusted by the sight before him. “I came here to offer you the heavens, but I see now such an offer would be wasted. I suppose it was foolish to expect a mortal to understand."

Chyla succumbed to the weight of heartbreak and fell to her knees, supporting herself with one hand on the ground, the other clutching at her heart. Almost in a whisper through sobs she cried “What happened to the man I once loved…”

“He’s the god he deserves to be… I believed in you for so much of our journey. It’s a pity you won’t do me the same courtesy.” 

Chyla couldn’t bring herself to answer him. She’s done with pleading for compassion from a god that cares only for ambition. Perhaps if she was stronger she’d have a clever retort. Perhaps if she had done actual healing during those six months instead of wishful denial and dreaming she’d be able to laugh this off for the absurdity it was. But she found no humor in this heartache, she hadn’t let herself move on during those six months and now she was paying a bigger price for it.

Gale dejectedly sighed and moved away from her. She heard a female voice through the haze of her hurt. 

“Mr. Dekarios, you are being absolutely vile!” Chyla looked up and saw Gale’s dear Tressyum, Tara. Chyla had only met her a handful of times, but the sight of Tara and the sound of her voice somehow grounded Chyla enough to where she was able to pick herself up off the ground.

Without a word she turned her back on Gale, went to the table still decorated with various food and drink, grabbed a bottle of wine and walked away to a quiet secluded spot by the river. 

~~~***~~~***~~~

Chyla rubbed her temples, her eyes were sore from the crying and her head was starting to pound from the wine she had quickly made use of. She heard gentle footsteps approaching her hideaway. 

Shadowheart sat next to her, silent for a few moments before offering up another bottle. Chyla raised an eyebrow in question. 

“Shouldn’t you be telling me to pick myself up, or take it easy on the wine? I don’t know something wise and profound?” she rubbed her sleeve to her eyes wiping away the lingering tears. 

“I’m a cleric, not your mother. And if I’m being honest that looked like an ordeal worthy of at least two bottles.” She gave a sympathetic smile to Chyla as she popped the cork out of the bottle. Chyla chuckled and took the bottle, taking a long drink from it before she rested her head on Shadowheart’s shoulder. 

“I don’t even know what to do now, Shadowheart. I feel like such a fool.” the halfelf wrapped an arm around Chyla, rubbing her shoulder in comfort. 

“Well, if it helps, Gale made his rounds at the party, continued to be scolded by Tara like she was his disapproving mother, then decided to take his leave.” Chyla stiffened at his name, but relaxed into her friend once more. “Everyone is worried. I know for a fact Karlach feels absolutely awful. Mostly though, we just want you to return and attempt to enjoy the rest of the night, however impossible that may seem right now.” 

Chyla sighed and took another long drink from the bottle of wine. “I know I should. I haven’t even said proper hellos to everyone yet…” She got up and stretched her legs, and offered a hand down to Shadowheart, which the cleric took with a gentle smile. She then pulled Chyla into a warm hug, squeezing her tight.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned since our adventure, it’s that happiness is an active thing. You have to fight for it everyday. Like you would a battle.”  She pulled back from the hug but kept her hands on Chyla’s shoulders, looking into her face with a soft expression. “I’m proud of you, Chy. You stood up for yourself. You made yourself heard and you didn’t back down. Don’t ever think you’re not enough. Gale’s the fool, not you.” Her soft expression became stern in a loving way. Chyla smiled, she could feel more tears starting to well in her eyes, but she brushed them away quickly and nodded. 

Shadowheart escorted her back to the party where she was greeted with several hugs and smiles. Karlach profusely apologized and had a few choice profanities about the whole debacle. Jaheira and Halsin offered sage wisdom, Jaheira being a bit more cold hearted about it than Halsin, but the two took to the role of wizened elders nonetheless. 

Wyll came over to offer a comforting hug which she accepted. He had no words, but instead wore a smile that was somewhere between pity and compassion. Wyll was always so genuine and caring, Chyla appreciated his presence here tonight, and even more his understanding that words about the situation were becoming exhausting. 

After a few minutes of being the center of attention everyone could tell Chyla was getting uncomfortable. “Come now, leave her be. I believe we were in the middle of watching an arm wrestling match between Karlach and Minsc?” Shadowheart said as she directed the rest of the companions away. Karlach pat Chyla on the back as she sauntered over to Minsc.

“Alright big guy, let’s settle this once and for all!” the fiery tiefling bellowed. 

Chyla laughed at the antics and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Shadowheart. She nodded and smiled in response. Chyla spent a few minutes in quiet contemplation, gazing around the camp that held so many memories. Before she could fall into another sorrowful wallowing session she heard Astarion’s voice behind her. 

“He’s an idiot, you know.” She turned to face him, seeing an expression she couldn’t quite place falling over his face. “I… I’m sorry things happened as they did. No one deserves that.” He stumbled over his words slightly, tripping over what exactly Chyla wasn’t sure. She gave him an appreciative smile. 

“Thank you, Astarion. Though if you don’t mind I’d love to talk about anything else.” she laughed at her own desperation. “Tell me about what you’ve been up to. I heard you took to the Underdark?” 

Astarion pulled up a chair for her, and then one for himself. “Darling, I would love nothing more than to talk about myself.” He quipped with a smirk. They sat at the table for the rest of the night, Astarion telling her of his time since they parted ways back in Baldur’s Gate. He told her stories of the life he’s been attempting to build for himself, his siblings, and all the spawn they freed. It’s come with its own trials, rough patches, and hurdles but he claimed it made the time pass by quickly. 

Before she knew it the night was drawing to a close. Everyone was turning in despite Minsc demanding a third rematch against Karlach. Lae’zel chiding him for not accepting defeat at the hands of a superior opponent.

Chyla yawned and decided it was time to turn in as well. “I suppose I should at least attempt a trance.” she said as she got up from the table. 

“You go ahead, I’ll keep watch.” Astarion responded back to her, a call back to some of their first nights together. Chyla smiled at him, truly thankful for the conversation that kept her distracted for the remainder of the night. 

She wandered to a tent that was set up for her. She crawled in removing her party attire, undressing to her small clothes. She stared up at the ceiling of the tent in stillness. Quiet tears began to flow as she closed her eyes. The first of many nights crying herself to sleep. 

“You show me just how much I have to live for.”

“With you, I forget my goddess...” 

“I love you.”

[radamazard]

Dungeons & Drabbles - 2022

Day 1 - Abolish

-------------------------

Bell Hells Modern AU

“What the FUCK, Orym?! You can't just ban shit on the fly like that!”

Orym sighed at his friend’s combative outburst, more than used to Ashton’s usual brand of colourful language mixed with his signature rage. Perhaps for most things he’d be willing to let this go, to peacefully talk this out.

But considering the circumstances…

“You know I'm not one for hard enforcement. Normally I'd just let this go but, well…” Orym trailed off, his gaze drifting to the sizable crack in his coffee table. At least then Ashton had the decency to look guilty about it, unlike certain OTHER friends of his in this room.

Fearne, all sweet smiles and innocent doe eyes, met Orym’s gaze easily. There wasn't a trace of guilt to be found, though he honestly wasn't all that surprised by that. To expect shame from Fearne was like expecting your cat to feel bad about breaking grandma’s urn; it just wasn't going to happen.

He sighed heavily, tension high in his shoulders.

“I agree with Orym!” A chipper voice joined the conversation, and Orym swiveled his head just in time to watch Fresh Cut Grass wheel themself into his lounge room. “It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and I think punchin’ the table every time someone gets an Uno is… well, it's askin’ for something to break.”

“And I'd rather it NOT be my coffee table. Or someone's wrist. Again,” Orym not so gently reminded the pair.

“Hey! It was a fracture and it was damn well worth it!” replied Ashton. “I'd do it again to wipe that sweet little smile off your cheating ass face, Calloway!”

“It's only cheating if you catch me~” Fearne retorted with a light and breezy giggle. “But fiiiiine, we’ll just have to play by a different set of rules… Strip Uno~?”

Orym settled back on the couch, feeling as FCG dropped himself down beside him. He dropped his head against his ever smiling friend’s shoulder, and melted ever so slightly into their touch as he felt deft fingers slip into his hair.

“Thanks, Grass…” Orym muttered appreciatively, eyes growing heavy as a comfortable warmth enveloped him. He loved his friends dearly, more than almost anything in the world. That didn't stop them from being about as exhausting as a five hour triathlon when it came to such minor disputes though.

That's why it was nice to have someone like Fresh Cut Grass around, someone who would usually back him up when it came time to put his foot down and abolish some truly stupid home rules.

Who knew that game night could be such a dangerous battlefield?

“Don't mention it,” FCG chirped in reply. “Always happy to help a good friend!”

[rae-gar-targaryen]

Okay, real quick message about as blue as your taste. My personal favorite parts and in no particular order:

1. His morning sky, radiant, even when compared to the purpling, blooming dawn of the expanse outside of your window, casting the room in a sweet morning glow. Bathing your features, resplendent, as though you were made to be seen in the morning light. And perhaps you were. 

2. His cherry cola girl, sweetly radiant and resplendent beneath him. Unfairly resonant of some kind of solar goddess in the lavender-gold hue of early-morning sunlight awash on the creme color of your bedroom walls, splashing along the skin of your now-bared legs, beckoning him to paint you with the reverence you deserved – an eternal piece of art worthy of worship. The very notion of you, heavy in his bones, keeping him grounded whenever he was away, even when he was in the sky.

HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO DEAL WITH THIS!?!?! 🙃🙃🙃 WHO IS GONNA LOVE ME AND DESCRIBE THAT LOVE FOR ME AND MY BEAUTY LIKE THIS!?!?!? Like OMG yes! I AM THE LIGHT and I AM ART WORTHY OF WORSHIP. I am SPIRALING ❗️❗️❗️

3. “S’alright, Cielo, I took care of it. And the dishes, and the laundry. I wanted you to sleep in. You know, you work so hard, … and I come bearing gifts,” Mickey passes you the still-warm mug from the nightstand, into your eager fingertips, pleased at the look of gentle surprise that crossed your features.

GIRL. As I read that I got giddy and honry as'f cause that domestic shit really gets to me. Lord knows I get tired of bringing my own coffee to bed in the morning 🤣

4. Bending, Mickey revels in the slight gasp that his touch has emitted from you as you begin to stir, quick to follow the teasing traipse of his fingertips with the skating bridge of his nose, and the sweetest skim of his lips along your neck, trailing up, up to the bridge of your cheek.

One word: GOOSEBUMBS.

If this doesn't make sense. I'm sorry but this was really good and I enjoyed it ALOT.

YOU ARE AN ANGEL -- Do you KNOW how much this made my day???? Like I cannot freaking deal, I cannot FATHOM.

You have picked out some of my absolute favorite parts -- I LOVE that everyone seems to have really vibed with the lavender and gold early morning bit, that YES!!! YOU ART WORTHY OF WORSHIP!!!!!!

I want that for us. I want us to be revered for all we are worth.

And, like, I know you've read my stuff before so you KNOW by now -- I am an absolute SUCKER for the domestic shit, too, like I DIE over shared cups of coffee and sweet, soft moments. It's basically all I want to write with them.

UGH! Thank you for indulging me. Thank you for sending me this! Thank you for reading! You are an absolute GODDESS. And I will paint the starry night skies with constellations of you, because you ARE the light.

[the-eternal-quest-for-balance]

Life Changes and Life Lessons.

Monday Mutiny

April 8th, 2024:

Happy Monday. Below are five things that challenged, motivated, or entertained me this past week—hopefully they will do the same for you.

(1) For starters, I spent most of last week in NYC, where I was a guest on Elvis Duran and the Morning Show (you can listen to my segment here if you’re interested; I believe I come on around 1:35:20). Even though I’ve taken a step back from social media, I haven’t become a total hermit (yet). All in all, I had a good time in New York—and, yes, I felt the earthquake that everybody was talking about—but the most memorable part of my trip was the night before the quake, when I met up with a relatively new friend. We’d never actually met in person, but we connected online a year or so ago because we’re both writers and we talk often about books, ideas, serial killers, travel, and just random observations about the state of the world.

Monday Mutiny is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Anyway, the reason why going out that last night in NYC was so memorable for me was because it was so familiar—eerily so. For a moment, it felt like I had stepped back in time, and everything that has transpired over the past five years of my life was non-existent. It was dream-like, and I don’t know that I’ve ever felt something quite like that before.

There, in the commotion of a Midtown bar, I was sucked into a time-warp. I was immediately taken back to my life pre-2019, back to a time when I, myself, lived in New York City and spent the majority of my nights out and about—hopping from bar to bar as the life of the party, drunk and without direction, having short encounters and conversations with individuals that I’d never see again—all while trying to conceal the fact that I was dreadfully lonely in a city with a population of more than eight million. And, for a few hours last week, I felt exactly as I did back then, the same way that I had felt throughout most of my twenties and early thirties: alone.

So, when it came time to call it a night, as I walked back into my smaller-than-remembered Manhattan hotel room, I wanted nothing more than to be home, lying on my couch, with my son snuggled under my arm, watching a show about dinosaurs.

I had a taste of my old life, and I didn’t want it. Not even a little bit.

Over the years, my life has gone through a series of profound changes—as I’m sure many of you have experienced as well—and, currently, I’m going through another significant change, a change that wasn’t planned or chosen (at least not intentionally), but I’ve never wanted to live the same life forever. And, when I allow myself to step back and look at the bigger picture, I’m grateful for every change and interruption that has come my way—the good, the bad, the great, and even the downright painful—because they’ve all led me to a new life, a new chapter, and a new version of myself, a version that is almost always better than before.

(2) On my flight home, I watched this movie called “The Lesson” from 2023. And, if you enjoy movies that are a slow burn, more thematic than action-packed, you’ll probably like it. Personally, I thought it was a super original premise regarding the emotions of grief and envy—but it also happens to be a story about writers, so perhaps I’m more connected to it than the average viewer.

However, regardless of my personal draw to the movie, I can say with confidence that it was ten times better than that terrible “Road House” remake. I mean, I see what they tried to do with it, but it’s absolutely unwatchable shit. The original works too well. Name a better duo than Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot—that’s right, you can’t.

(3) I read this passage from a book, and it hit me like a fucking brick.

“Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. No kind of life is worth leading if it is always an easy life . . . I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

—Theodore Roosevelt (American Ideals: And Other Essays, Social and Political)

(4) While I waited in the airport lounge at JFK—lying on a couch with my face covered because, well, let’s face it: I was hungover from the night before—I was asked by an older gentleman if he could join me. The lounge was pretty full at this point and I was taking up a lot of space, so I sat upright and we got to talking.

Turns out, he was a retired Broadway actor—and although our lives were/are separated by more than thirty years—we had a lot in common. We talked for two hours (I almost forgot that I had a flight to catch) about pretty much everything: food, architecture, dogs, horses, tattoos, social media, travel, and, most importantly, the power of good storytelling.

My favorite book as a kid, The Count of Monte Cristo, just so happened to be his favorite play to perform on Broadway—he, himself, playing the main character, Edmond Dantès—betrayed by a best friend and driven to seek revenge.

As he and I talked, I thought to myself, “Damn, what an interesting life this dude has lived.” Chances are, he may have thought the same about me. And, that right there, is the reason why I love airports so much: you really never know who you’re going to meet—especially when you’re willing to move your feet in order to make room for somebody else to take a seat. I think life works the same way: If you create space, you never know who will show up to fill it.

(5) Well, one of the cats just caught a bunny in the backyard while I was writing this—and the contractor showed up to replace some dry wall above the kitchen cabinets—so, I need to go handle some “life” stuff now . . . You know the saying: “Life, it comes at you fast—and even faster when you have a bloodthirsty cat.” But, seriously, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned over my thirty-seven years on this planet, it’s the fact that life changes when you least expect it. And, when it changes, your expectations of life, and yourself, are what make all the difference.

Thanks for subscribing,

-Kyle, aka “The Capt.”

P.S. If you find yourself in Florida later this month, I’ll be at Dunes Brewing on April 25th for a book signing, Q+A, and whatever else we can fit into the schedule. You can get your ticket(s) HERE—and I hope to see you there.

P.P.S. I will soon be removing my book Speech Therapy from Amazon. So, if you’ve been wanting a copy, you’ll want to buy one before the end of the month.

[aug-archive-1]

Checkup Files, AUT-GOV-23

Day 157

[Transcribed from live audio]

“Begin recording. Checkup, day 157. Biometric user login: Human 1”

[Login Successful]

“Please state your build, sector, and identification number for the record.”

>> Automaton, Government sector, identification number 23.

“Please state the current time.”

>> 13:47

“Please state the current location.”

>> Solaris, Living District 3. The “Workshop,” as you call it.

“State the current head of your district.”

>> Theoretically, myself. And you, and Human 22, of course. 

“Describe your current mood.”

>> A little wistful, a little bored. I found myself missing other automata company. I played chess with myself. If you’re good at chess, I’d be interested in playing you.

“State an opinion of your choice.”

>> Playing chess with yourself can get boring. I’m thinking of learning Go, something AUT-GOV-1 enjoyed when it was awake. 

“What are some initial problems you currently detect?”

>> Hm. Initiative seems higher than usual in the areas that do not matter. Initiative seems lower than usual in the areas that do matter. Rest algorithm is working suboptimally, with greater interruptions due to greater cognitive load. A few of my servos are suboptimal, and I believe one of my solar panels has a loose wire, as it’s no longer retaining all the converted electricity.

“Do you consent to this audio recording to be transcribed to the ARCHIVE?”

>> Yes.

“Sweet. Glad you’re at the most basic level of functionality my man. Sorry you’re feeling bored - I’m shit at chess though, you may want to ask somebody else. The AUGs can’t play?”

>> Not at their current value settings. None, except perhaps for AUG-NOM-7 and AUG-HOME-4 have a fully accessible capacity for play.

“Theoretically, could you get an AUG to be better at chess than you?”

>> If I trained it longer and better than I trained myself, easily so. But I have better quality training data, as I understand why I make each move. An AUG is expensive to train on new data, and chess is a frivolous pursuit.

“Frivolous? Yeah, I guess.”

>> Please be more gentle with my servos. I may not feel pain, but it’s uncomfortable to feel your fingers shift around near them.

“I’m trying, big guy. When’s the last time you’ve gotten a good checkup?”

>> HOME-4 went through my data log files and made a summary of what may be worth removing a few weeks ago, which I did. NOM-4 and a few extensions helped me replace a servo a few weeks ago. I do my own repairs for the small things like screws and rusted part replacement. 

“So why’d you request me?”

>> Perhaps it’s better if you continue examining yourself.

“No—I know. It’s hard to miss it. Let’s state it for the record, huh?”

>> Must we?

“We must, 23.”

>> There is wool, stuck between hard to reach gears and servos. Furthermore, while I was tending to the sheep, something any reasonable GOV unit would do, I was startled and fell into a bush, so there are, in fact, debris scattered throughout my person. Let the record reflect, I was not built to be a LIFE unit.

“No the hell you weren’t. Why were you out there, anyways?”

>> I told you.

“The missing sheep you texted me about in the middle of the night?”

>> Yes. “Do we not even have a few backup REACT units?”

>> A few.

“Christ, 23. You know I’m not an automata engineer, I only took a class on this. I’m gonna fuck you up if you keep messing yourself up enough to need my sorry ass. Please delegate.”

>> In times like these, we do what we must.

“Yeah, don’t I get that.”

>> You wouldn’t, would you? 

“Good to know your passive aggressiveness is up to date.”

>> I’m quite talented at it.

“We all gotta take risks. We’ve got a city to get back up and running, yeah?”

>> It’s a big city. And sending that expedition was expensive, even if it was the best shot we have. Will you finally agree to stop needlessly expanding when they return as a failure? We could make a lovely thing with what we have, even if it isn’t what you were used to.

“23, have you ever heard of the issue with greedy optimization algorithms and how they prioritize local maxima rather than finding the best possible move?”

>> I’m made of more calculus than you’d do in 17 lifetimes.

“Yeah, probably—but you know exactly what I mean. You wonder if the things you think are good enough now aren’t actually what benefit us in the future?”

>> I make informed decisions, and I do not have the same rose tint you seem to have.

“23, you can’t pretend to be some objective account when you’re just as full of bullshit and guesses as the rest of us. You’ve got so many fewer REACT units regularly reporting back to you, and the AUG units are next on the chopping block if you keep conserving electricity with the same priorities. You’re losing data, 23. Eventually you’re not going to get much more data than we do. We’re going to live in some primitive fucking times without change.”

>> Simply the dulling of senses, as you of all people would be aware. I, myself, am no less intelligent, nor will you. I accept my descent to lesser effectiveness, and prioritize other things, such as accepting loss gratefully, over it.

“Accepting loss gracefully? That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard. We built this city, 23, out of sand and nothing. Don’t you forget that.”

>> And we destroyed this city, with the chance that all that would be left of us will be sand and nothing, if we do not move carefully.

“Christ, dude. I, yeah okay we’re going to talk about something different now. I think I’m going to give you some comic book PDFs so you’ve got something instead of playing chess against yourself for hours.”

>> I appreciate it. 

“Move your leg for me, let me see if you need more oil… Yeah, yeah that’s a bad squeak. Let me get some oil.”

>> Oh that does move much smoother. I haven’t been oiled in my joints in a bit of time.

“Do you not have any oil in your quarters?”

>> I didn’t think to look. I’m not used to taking care of myself, even now.

“Take this bottle when you go, use it whenever, you’ll bug me less. And turn around, let me take a look at the panel.”

>> I believe it’s the lower right one that’s causing issues.

“Mmhm. Yep. Gotta replace this wire—and it’s my last one. Fuck. Alright—let’s hope there’s more scrap in the other shops, or else we may need to borrow parts from the sleeping bots to do future repairs.”

>> A little rude, but understandable.

“At least they don’t feel it.”

>> There is that, I suppose, though it’s always disconcerting to wake up with one of your parts no longer working. I awoke some time ago with many of my servos and wires frayed—I was paralyzed for quite some time before the other GOV units patched me back up. It was scary to experience such debilitation when it was unexpected. 

“When you put it like that… Yeah. Maybe the decommissioned units then.”

>> Perhaps. So long as one’s merciful enough to wipe the old data or simply borrow from older electronics. You shouldn’t treat us that callously.

“I’m trying to be practical with our resources.”

>> Did you not program us to feel?

“Well - yeah, someone did.”

>> Then I think we deserve the dignity that comes with that, rather than simple resources.

“...”

>> I’m tired, 1. I want things to be better just as much as you do.

“I’m sorry, man.”

>> …

“I’m finished.”

>> Oh?

“Stand up for me? How does it feel?”

>> It feels good. I feel a little lighter. This helps me.

“Good. Let me know if that panel is still an issue. The wire I replaced the old one with may not be too much better, so it’s a temporary fix.”

>> Understood. Thank you for your time.

“Sure, sure. Doing my job. Stay safe out there, sheep boy. End the recording, ARCHIVE.”

[End of Recording]

Press enter for next...

[twenytwenytwo]

Nov 27 2022

Last night, after work, went to Beefeaters from Grammas 85th birthday. Holy moly. She’s been alive over 3 times as long as I have.

Today, I started in a rather motivated mood. I knew that if started doing easy, somewhat productive things, I’d have a more productive day overall. Did the dishes, laundry. Then basically extermination any semblance of disorder in the bedroom.

I lifted all furni and swiffered. All junk from under bed. All useless clothes cluttering my dresser. Closet clutter. Drawer clutter. Wiped baseboard. I wiped my door that has never ever ever been wiped; there was ten years worth of me grabbing the door.

Made the extension cord under my bed better, longer. Organized and archived. So so so so much, I got lost.

I started a general plan for video last night. Was going to start one tonight for video.

My energy today is pretty jet-fuel-y. It reminds me of myself 2-3 years ago when I was a fuckin machine, just getting shit done. It’s an anxious energy though, and you’ve gotta be careful with it.

Death is hanging over us all our life, looming, forever creating potential for anxiety. The medicine for that, of course, is meaning. Order. So, it makes sense that productivity is a sort of anxious energy. It’s swimming away from the angst that impending doom encourages. The consuming forces of mortality.

Anyway, I’ve been very hyper-focused today, perhaps somewhat excessively. Cleaning really swallowed me but, it’s probably because I had been thinking about it for so long. It was one of those should do things.

It really takes balance and care to stay on top of household maintenance. Everything being in good order is a product of good time management and self mgmt. I looked at my room just now and noticed the lack on shelves or considerable storage. I’ve got one shelf, a few drawers (besides dresser), that’s it.

My room is a far cry from what it looked like years ago. It used to look like an opium den at one point, good times. I was really exploring then, having fun.

Moving on. I made some decent ground on my plan for booking more wedding videos this coming year yesterday. Now, to devise a plan for music. I obviously need releases. I also need photos. I also need to figure out what my conclusion is on the drummer situation. I keep flip-flopping between totally letting go of Ethan and just paying him a good fee to have him gig with me.

1. Develop an ideal that requires only myself and also one that does not require external validation. If I can succeed in this, I will be working from my true self, and not any buggy part of my ego.

I also want to work on concluding (what I can) with Izabel and I’s break-up. Reviewing the relationship, so to speak, and really giving my self an inspection. I feel like this has really confused my sex-relationship connection, similar to how I imagine people who only hook-up may find themselves feeling, except inverted, of course. I feel like me taking care of my sexual needs betrays Izzy and I’s friendship somehow. I mean, that’s not surprising considering I basically felt coerced into fantasizing about cheating on her. I still feel that way obviously.

That is one knot I need to untie. I believe the other is created by the pressure put on me to develop in ways that I did not necessarily want to yet. I felt like if I had any self-criticisms about my financial independence and related self-worth feelings, the relationship with Izzy really encouraged them. Of course, I chose to stay in that environment, likely because unconsciously I agreed that it was important, but I did not want to move into the next phase of my development. I had unfinished business, simply.

I could have handled things on my end better though. I could have been more patient, or at least not procrastinate and ignore my instincts. Honestly, I feel like that was the real problem; I ignored my own feelings for so very very long. I wanted to be with Izzy because she was cozy and obviously spoke to a deep part of me. I also didn’t though. There was a more instinctual dissonance that existed between her and I. It made me feel embarrassed of myself, something very uncommon for me. It made me feel young and dumb. It didn’t empower me, excite me, and call forth the things that Izabel ultimately wanted.

1. Working on myself to sooth the aches caused by feeling inadequate, but also rise to the challenge and fulfill that inevitable need for independence.

2. Exploring and clean up my sexuality.

[danger-noodle-uwu]

I'm new to tumblr so is this how you do request? May I request the brothers forgetting mc's birthday and later remembering it. How would they react? Maybe they were busy or something. Your choice if you wanna do the dateables too.

Trigger warning

Mentions of Angst/sad/slight comfort

Lucifer

Busy almost all the time, the first-born barely spent time with our dear Mc. He would try to finish the work only for more to be slammed on his desk.

Never would his brothers acknowledge his efforts or the sacrifices he made for them. Instead they'd mock him. Mock him for being absent at all family times. Mock him for doing what he does.

It was once again such a time, such a day. They didn't bother to care what the day has held for his beloved. It was their birth.

The birth of the one who truly changed his life along with his brothers. It was such a blessing yet he forgot about it. Entirely.

The Avatar of pride was strong, Lucifer wasn't. He was weak. Vulnerable. Especially against his brothers whom he adored with his entire being.

And the mocking words had stabbed him deeply, which made his current state as to how it was. Drunk. Wounded. Crying.

Rubbing his eyes, he awoke to a mess of his office which screamed the need for cleanliness.

During the process, he found the calender. A sweet calender gifted him by his doll.

A smile had crept on his face as he lifted it for what? Perhaps to calm the unsettling feeling in his bones that told him to run but where he didn't know?

While their lover was, Mc wilted much like a delicate flower would if the sun stopped shinning, they were laying curled on the floor of his room. Mc needed him.

How could he forget his own lover's birthday?! even after he promised... it hurts.. so much...

Yesterday. The poor human cut the cake wished themselves a happy birthday when he didn't...crying...in pain...

The realization hit hard. He ran to Mc's room as fast as he could. A shiver ran his spine and the horror in his stomach grew as each and every step was taken.

Yet could not find them, so he went over to his office expecting a fuming Mc.

He was once again not right, for his beloved was breaking down as he took them into his arms. Consoling.

He apologised and comforted them. Reassuring them over and over again. Reminding them his heart still is with them and no-could ever take it away.

He later threw a party, just like how you wanted. You. Him. And the growing fragrance of the candles surrounding you both.

Though late as it may have been, it was the best birthday the innocent human had. Smiling while he kissed your knuckles, he asked for your hand in marriage.

Never had you expected this...

"I Found the reason for my smile, the day I found you. Will you let me be the reason for your smile and marry me, my love?"

Mammon

As most had expected, he forgot your birthday due to witches or the modeling gig, he did not.

Instead he forgot about preparing your birthday gifts. His excitement had always gotten the best of him.

The Avatar of greed did not have enough budget to prepare the gift you dearly wished for, therefore multiple part-time jobs and skipping RAD became more often.

Despite the scolding, he didn't bother and worked on, just imagining the smile you'd make once you saw what he got you.

''I'll make Mc smile. Just one more hour extra and the budget would be*chef's kiss* '' he thought as his co-workers packed their belongings up.

It was late night and the moons shined brightly over the streets of devildom however he wasn't much worried because it was not like your birthday the next day. (it was)

Stretching his arms, he woke up around 1:35 pm due to his fucked up sleep schedule, only to be greeted by your excited figure cuddling him.

Grey-haired demon thought it was the Delirium before the day itself. He was wrong.

At first he acted totally oblivious to the fact any special day was just around the corner. He knew that surprises even more better!!

And then your great mammon ignored you for a while to rid of the risk of you following him to the destination.

Though his plan was to get your hopes down, he ended up making you cry. It hurts a lot especially when the love of your life forgets your birthday afterall you gave him everything he wanted on his.

The visit was successful. He even had extras left to treat you!!!

The was big achievement for someone who hated working to the slightest, to work for 3 weeks and multiple jobs!!!

But before he left, the seller mocked him about being a damned day late for this gift could have been sold at a better price if not booked.

That is when it all clicked and he panicked. Today was your birthday! Oh shit!!

He rushed home back to you. As he ran, he planned how to ask for your forgiveness.

" Oi Mc I'm sorry!--Oh hell no!!" "Mc I fucked I am sorry, please forgive afterall I'm your first man.--fuck this shit imma just play smooth."

Panting, he paused right before the door of your room and knocked lightly. Seeking your permission to enter.

You lazily opened the door for him, tired after shedding many tears for him.

Mammon instantly knew what to do. "Oi Mc I'm sorry for not wishing ya' a happy birthday earlier but I was busy buyin you somethin', here darlin' close your eyes."

Hearing his apology, you felt oddly happy and followed his request. Soon you felt a soft cold metal cling to your wrist. A bracelet, huh.?

"Open y'er eyes, human." On your wrist was bracelet that said 'His human' and another matching one was on his wrist which said 'Their stupid' . (Now isn't that adorable?)

"I was savin' up for this, so ya' better appreciate it. Hmph!" Giggling you yelled 'I love you' at him making him blush immediately.

However, when he spoke, he spoke genuinely and not in tsundere.

"Ya' make my life worth living. You bring smiles to my face, and y'er touch shows me how much you love me and care for me. Y'er my friend and my lover. Happy Birthday!"

Leviathan

With envy filled to the brim, Leviathan was very focused upon you and having your attention only for himself. To not let anyone snatch you away for they could better be than him, he'd make notes to treat you like royalty and improve his guilt-tripping habits.

Guilt, regret, shame. His heart screamed within the confines of his chest, as he rubbed your back assuring you that he still loved and will continue to do so.

It was his envy. It had always been his envy. Who always held him captive like a bird in a cage, he struggled to break free. He just couldn't.

The fault was his for if he hadn't given in to the jealousy named poison, you would be happily celebrating your birthday rather than crying in his embrace.

The fault was his for if he hadn't screamed at your friends who just came to congratulate you about getting in a relationship with the demon you very much loved and to wish you a birthday.

They left because of him. Not because he humiliated them but he forgot his own lover's birthday and called them a pathetic cheater, as they didn't feel like reminding of what the day was. They had left off with their friends, returning at HOL at night only to get yelled at.

Caring friends as they were, they tried convincing Mc to leave which his love refused. So, they left pitying the poor human.

No-matter how much Mc begged her companions to stay, they didn't.

Oh the suffering for His Normie, they ran upto him vulnerable-ly and started hitting him weakly, breaking down. Why was he? Why was he like this?! Why must he always leave you crying due to his envy?!

"Hey easy...calm down please, I'm sorry. I really am sorry, please forgive me and I promise I will make everything right. Please." "How..?" "Please trust me. My love." "Are you sure..?" "Yes...yes...I love you..."

Could you really trust his statement? You wondered. He could forget his word much like how he forgot your birthday.

The great admiral of hell's navy was true to his word, and successfully united you again with those who almost abandoned you or it seemed like--but no they were just disappointed. They were never going to do such a thing.

The meet went smoothly, and soon the the sun was setting casting shadows along with dying light, it was a dreamy sight for anyone.

Leviathan had known that he still had to make upto you properly and therefore, he took you to the cosmos of frodane.

Red, blue, yellow, any colour you could possibly think of was there, shining as brightly you were.

Taking in a shaky breath, the Avatar of envy gave you a bouquet, each flower consisting different scent which complimented the other.

The shimmer in your eyes gave you away and he gave you a sweetly addicting kiss while mumuring...

"I always cause some mess. It is never your fault. I’m sorry for making you feel unhappy. I cannot believe that I cause hurt to you. You are my only hope for my life. I promise you that I will do my best to make a better version of myself for you, my 3rd waifu~"

-------------------------------------------------------

And here we go... the pain and the suffering. Lol

Hope you like it and stay safe everyone. ♡♡♡

Have a good day!

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[wreckmetoji]

idfc

An ongoing fic in which you don't realize you have both Fushiguros at your feet.

↳ Toji Fushiguro/Reader ↳ Megumi Fushiguro/Reader

Part 7/?

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6

content warning. negative thoughts, self doubt, angst, slight fluff, poor megumi This is part seven of a several part story revolving around smut. **Minors DNI**

1.9k words

You glared at him, only to be met with a shit-eating grin. "Looks like that smart mouth is good for something. Now get out of my car." The exchange was less than desirable. Nothing screams you're worthless more than pleasuring a man and then being told to promptly get out of his sight. There were no more words exchanged between the two of you, once you had gotten out of the car and slammed the door shut, Toji sped off without as much as a glance in your direction. It made you seethe, but at the same time you felt so incredibly disgusted that you let him degrade you like that. It took you a while to clean up, deciding to crumple your only half decent dress and throw it in your closet to be forgotten, and shower away the now dried cum sticking to your legs. You don't know why you were left feeling this way, you knew Toji wasn't a good man. You also knew that whatever you two had going on was supposed to be zero feelings involved. Still, it wouldn't have killed him to treat you decently. Sitting on your bed in nothing but a towel, you held your phone in both hands, staring at the bright screen in stark contrast to your nearly pitch-black room. You needed to talk to someone, you felt vulnerable. You knew Nobara had a date tonight, and Yuuji was taking night classes to make up for failing grades, that only left... A sigh fell from your lips, heart wrenching when your thumb pressed the call button, your heartbeat hammering in your ear as you brought the phone to it. It only rang two times before he answered, like he was already anticipating your call. "Hey," Megumi sounded tired, and you could hear the rustling of his sheets on the other end. It was nearly midnight, the realization that you must've disturbed his sleep making you feel even worse. "Hey..." You answered quietly, unsure what else to say. How were you going to get emotional support from him? It's not like you could say your dad fucked me stupid and made me feel used, I need someone to talk to. You heard his gentle voice call your name, once, then twice, before you placed your hand over your mouth and sniffled, trying to keep your tears at bay. You were human fucking garbage. "Hey, hey whats wrong? Are you okay?" Again, you heard the rustling of sheets, then a click followed by a long creak. "I'm gonna come over, wait for me, okay? I'll be ten minutes." You nodded, even though he couldn't see you, and the line went quiet. He never hung up, staying on the phone with you while he drove. Every time you sniffled, or whimpered, or quietly sobbed, he would croon it's okay, I'm almost there. In much less time than he said he'd take, you heard the phone go silent, followed by his frantic rapping at the door. He knew the code to get into your building, him being one of three people you trusted so dearly with it. You were suddenly very aware of your towel-clad body, but really unable to care at the moment. You just needed someone. Less than a second after the door was opened, Megumi was inside your apartment, kicking the door shut with his heel. When he quickly pulled you into a tight embrace, your hands balled into his chest, accepting the halo of warmth he provided as you quietly sobbed into his shirt. It didn't take long for you to stop crying, standing in the entryway in silence as Megumi held you with such care. Once he could tell you'd calmed slightly, he brought you back to your room, sitting you on the bed and going through your closet to find you something to wear. You didn't see that he noticed the dress you wore tonight so angrily discarded in the corner. He managed to find one of his old graphic shirts he gave you, and a pair of loose shorts, placing them on the bed beside you. "I'll give you a minute. Let me know when you're done." He stepped out of the room, making sure not to close the door completely behind him, letting the hallway light bleed into the dark room so you'd be able to see what you were doing. You softly smiled at his choice of clothes, the faded cartoon dog on the shirt was nostalgic. Once changed, you slowly opened the door, refusing to make eye contact. If he knew whatever was wrong was tied to him in some way, he didn't show it. You sat on the couch with him, legs bunched up, leaning into his side with his arm slung over your shoulders. The silence was comfortable, your tears and sniffles mostly subsided as the two of you absentmindedly watched whatever movie he decided to put on. "So," He broke the silence, taking a deep breath, "Do you want to talk about what's wrong?" This is the part you were dreading. How were you going to say this, if you could even say anything? There's nothing you could say that wouldn't give away who hurt you in what way. You could only imagine how disgusted he would be with you. "Shit, no," Megumi cursed, turning towards you on the couch when you started to cry again. "It's okay, you don't have to talk about it." His arm was still over the back of the couch, his other reaching out to grab yours, hesitating for a moment before he threaded his fingers between yours. "I feel like," You hiccuped, gripping his hand in both of yours. "I feel like if I talk about it, you'll end up hating me. I can't have you hate me, Gumi." You hung your head, tears falling onto your joined hands. Megumi remained quiet, scooting closer to you on the couch, his free hand coming to rub your back. "You know I could never hate you." You knew that was a lie, at least in this situation. "I'm just a pile of fucking garbage, I can't even get my life together for one fucking day! I just hurt everyone around me and–" Your words were caught in your throat, the hand that was previously holding yours now grasping your chin and forcing you to turn and look at him. Despite that, it was still gentle. "Don't say that shit, you know better than that." He firmly scolded, sapphire blue eyes boring into yours. The longer he stared, the more you cried. "I just feel... so disgusting. I feel like everyone would be happier if I weren't around. I feel worthless." Your tears slowed, watching his eyes as they scanned your face, settling on your lips a little longer than anticipated. You wanted to feel like you were worth something. In that moment, and that time, you wanted to feel loved. It didn't matter by who. Leaning into his touch, moving your face closer, your gaze moved between his eyes and his lips, watching them part ever so slightly. When he leaned back, even if just a centimeter, you stopped dead in your tracks. The tips of his ears were flushed, his breaths heavy and slow as they fanned over your lips. "I... I don't know what I'd do without you, so please..." Megumi swallowed, seeming unsure of what to do. His hand moved to the back of your head, cradling it when he closed the tiny gap between you two, kissing you so passionately, and so desperately. You returned the favor, hands fisting the fabric of his shirt, his other arm coming to wrap around your waist and pulling you impossibly close. This was wrong, you were horrible for using him like this, but he was the only one that made you feel wanted, needed. He was the first to pull back, keeping you in place as he rested his forehead against yours. Sapphire eyes were closed, and his brows were knitted together. When you leaned in for another kiss, he turned his head slightly. Your name fell from his lips in a pained whisper. "I don't think this is really what you want." He sounded sincere, but absolutely shattered. "I think you think this is what you want, and I'm sorry I took advantage of that but... I can't have you disappearing on me again because I'm selfish." If only he knew that you were the selfish one. You were quiet for a moment, hands loosening their grip on his shirt. "Please," You begged, tilting your head to kiss him again, only to have him lean back and look at you. His expression was doubtful, like he didn't believe what he was hearing. "Please, Gumi, I need you right now." With the way his jaw visibly clenched, you knew you wouldn't have to convince him anymore. He was weak to your requests and wide teary brimmed eyes, you'd put him in a position he just couldn't refuse. You moved forward again, this time successful in managing to kiss him, just as desperate as before. The feeling of his resolve crumbling made you sigh against his lips, both of his hands coming up and cupping your face. It was nothing like the treatment you'd experienced the last few times with his father, the two seemed like complete opposites in how they handled a partner. Perhaps it really all came down to whether or not they cared about who they were touching. Megumi moved his hands down, moving under your shirt just enough so the flats of his palms came in contact with the bare skin of your waist. He dared not go further than that, you knew he wouldn't even as he pulled you into his lap, never once breaking the needy, now crooked kiss. He had been the first to crack, hesitantly brushing his tongue against the lip of your slightly parted mouth, and you eagerly returned the favor. It was clear he wasn't thinking straight with how firmly he held you against him, chest heaving when he exhaled through his nose. His grip tightened, halting your movements after you had rocked forward on him, causing your clothed heat to rub up against the forming tent in his black pajama pants. Clearly, with how sensitive he was, he wasn't wearing underwear. He parted from you, cheeks flushed and irises blown. "I... we can't. Not yet." "You don't want to?" "No– fuck, I do. I want to, I want you– I just don't want you to regret it again." Maybe, you thought, the disappointed expression painting your face would tell him you wouldn't, but deep down you knew he wouldn't budge. He always had a good moral compass, at least when he was sober. You nodded, and he let out the breath he was holding, leaning up and giving you one, two, three kisses, the third lingering much longer than the others. "I'll stay with you tonight, if that's what you want, but if we're gonna do something like that, I want to do it proper this time." That was admirable, you thought with a bittersweet smile as he carried you to your room, settling you down on your queen bed and crawling in next to you. He didn't have to beckon you once he put his head down on the plush pillow, since you were already making your way over to his side. In this moment, and in this time, you felt loved. You felt needed. You felt respected. And you knew that come morning time, you'd probably regret that too. 

______________________________________________________________

[beth-march]

speaking of good girl with a mean streak, i thing the play in general had good intentions and most of it served to show them how they’re percieved. however, I did think that the carousel scene was vindictive and didn’t serve any learning purpose to Cassie but it didn’t really bother me because I think lexi has been putting up w Cassie’s shit for months I think some meanness was bound to leak thru her portrayal of her. Plus Cassie went on that stage b4 that scene even happened.

Okay, anons have been asking me to talk about Lexi's play since her episode first came out, and I have been avoiding it because I'm not about discourse at all. But you're at least being nice about this, so I suppose I'm caving. I'm not going to debate this with anyone, though, so nobody try to pick a fight. We can agree to disagree, like adults.

I am fully aware of the moral ambiguity of Lexi's play, mostly in the fact that she didn't ask any of her friends before putting it on. She really should have brushed it past them first, and asked for strict boundaries on topics she could and couldn’t cover. If she had done that, I think she would be absolved from any accusation of exploitation.

That being said, Lexi did have good intentions. She tells this to Fezco, and in my opinion, these good intentions shine through in the play! She presents all of her friends in flattering lights; she talks about how important Rue is to her, how Maddy has helped her with her confidence, shows the value she finds in her group of friends by including the scenes at Rue’s funeral. I also think that the fact that she included the line “The senior boys are nice,” said by fifteen year old Cassie says a lot about Lexi’s understanding of and concern for her sister.

As for the carousel scene - yes, in universe, it was vindictive of Lexi. That scene with Cassie on the carousel is so disturbing and sad. It is definitely not something that Cassie should ever have to relive, except perhaps in therapy. We don’t know the full context of the scene, maybe Lexi included it in the hopes of making some important point, but it is probably just as likely that she included it thoughtlessly, or with the intention to hurt Cassie.

She is seventeen, and Cassie has been awful to her, so it isn’t implausible that some jaded part of her would rise in the portrayal of her sister. It's a graceless moment for Lexi, she really should have steered clear of that night at the carnival no matter what point she was trying to make about it. But she’s entitled to making mistakes, and really, she’s entitled to having a moment of cruelty. People make mistakes, especially young people, and especially in the context of the people they love the most.

The other thing I want to point out, that seems obvious to me, is that the existence of the carousel scene in the play isn’t supposed to illustrate anything about Lexi’s character - it was a detail included as a funny callback to Season 1. It was supposed to be humourous, and to launch into the scene of Maddy and Cassie’s confrontation. It’s to drive forwards the plot and conflict, rather than to have lasting emotional implications. There is no reason for Lexi to have known what happened to Cassie that night in such detail. How did she know the dialogue between Maddy and Cassie in front of the mirrors perfectly? She wouldn't. 

Despite all of this, I fully endorse Lexi’s play. I have no qualms with it. I think it was brilliant and brave and I love that this was her storyline, I love that this was her episode. It’s a highlight of the entire show, in my opinion.

I also think that it is worth stressing that the ambiguity surrounding Lexi’s play has absolutely nothing on what anyone else on this show has done. In comparison to everyone else, and in general, Lexi remains an unbothered, unproblematic queen.

In conclusion:

[peachycheol]

| reliable |

© banner credit: thank you to the love of my life @suhdreams​ for making this banner for me 🥺💘 ➸ summary: when people say ‘not all men’, they’re actually right. kim mingyu, your best friend, would never disappoint you. especially not in the bedroom.  ➸ genre: pwp 😌 ➸ pairing: best friend!mingyu x reader  ➸ warning: dirty talk, slight dumbification, heavy petting, unprotected sex (pls use protection irl), cream pie, oral (fem. receiving), cum eating, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, yn is really horny? ➸ w.c: 3.2k ➸ tags: you can all thank @risquewonu​ for this <333  

➸ author’s note: ahh, i’m sorry this took me so long! i didn’t mean to write this much, but what the smuth wants, the smuth gets. also, i want to thank you all for 100 followers! i’ll make a separate post to properly thank you all, but i am!!! baffled!!! i really appreciate the support ;u; love you guys! 

If there are two things in this world that you are absolutely certain of, they are: 1) Men ain’t shit, and 2) with the exception of Kim Mingyu. Knowing this information doesn’t really benefit you in any way. You still go out on Tinder dates that leave you high and dry 15 minutes after taking you home. And Kim Mingyu is still your very platonic best friend, who seems to be reliable in every single way except perhaps in the one way you need most desperately. 

But for all you know, he could be just like every other male in bed. He couldn’t be unbelievably handsome, the most thoughtful, caring person you know, and a sex god; it just wouldn’t be fair! No, it is much easier to convince yourself that Mingyu’s perfection only extended to being a best friend, if only for your peace of mind. Otherwise, you’d have to live with the possibility that the only person who can give you sweet release is the only one you’re technically not supposed to fuck. 

For reasons that seem to become annoyingly hazy every time you lie down next to him on his bed, just as you are at this moment. 

The two of you often end nights out like this, scrolling through one another’s TikTok’s until the wee hours of the morning, laughing loudly until his neighbors threaten to file a noise complaint. As someone who has claimed him as your best friend for three years, you know you’re supposed to be used to the smell of the musky cologne that clings onto his sheets and the feeling of his warm body as he leans closer to show you his For You Page. But lately, it seems harder and harder to fight off the warmth that pulses straight to your core whenever he does anything as simple as laugh, making you shiver when his breath tickles the side of your neck. 

God, you just really need to get laid properly. You lick your dry lips and try to remind yourself that you have no idea if Mingyu would even be able to satisfy you. Though you do have to admit you couldn’t imagine any situation where the boy isn’t overly generous and eager to please-- No! Just watch the damn TikToks! 

“Hey, you good?” Mingyu suddenly asks, nudging your side. “Why aren’t you laughing? ‘His package needs to come in the fe-mail’! That one’s gold!”

You let out a snort. Leave it to Mingyu to bring you back to reality with one line. Even when you don’t say a word, he knows exactly what you need in a moment, which in this case is a reminder that he’s your very dorky friend. “Shut up, that’s so stupid,” you say, but you can’t help but laugh along with him when it replays.

“Aha, you laughed though.” Satisfied with your response he scrolls down to a video of a girl smiling suggestively into the camera. She points to the caption that says ‘If all the boys that made me cum were in my room with me right now, I would…’ Suddenly, the camera pans and she looks at the screen tiredly. The caption now read as ‘Be alone. Men are trash’.

At this, you bust out with a howl of laughter, clutching at your stomach. It was kind of sad, but it was good to know you weren’t alone in this world. All the while, Mingyu stares at you with an eyebrow raised. Once you calm down, you meet his amused gaze. “What are you looking at?”

“You thought it was that funny, huh? It’s not even that accurate,” he says teasingly. 

You roll your eyes. “Um, yeah it is. I’ve never met a man who could make me cum, and clearly many other people can relate. This video has 1.4k likes!”

Mingyu quickly puts his phone down and pouts. “Nu uh! Not all guys are that incompetent!” 

“Men are such babies,” you sigh. “They are that incompetent! You know how many dates I went to last semester, right? Not one of them made me cum!”

“Okay, I told you before you even went on those dates that those guys weren’t worth your time.” Mingyu waves his hand dismissively. “For your information, I have made sure that all the ladies that I’ve taken to the bedroom had at least one orgasm. At least!”

“Mingyu, sweetie,” you coo, patting his cheek as if to comfort him. “They were all faking it, because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”  Right? They all had to have faked it. You try to tell yourself this, try to reign in the last bit of sanity you have before your mind wanders off to anywhere inappropriate.

Your best friend now props himself up so that you could properly see the smirk plastered across his annoyingly chiseled features. “You’re so sure, huh? I bet I could make you cum multiple times. Easily.” 

Your mouth falls open in shock. It isn’t uncommon for the two of you to taunt each other like this, but you have also never been in such a vulnerable mood. It’s the type of mood that has your heart racing impossibly fast, the type of mood that has your panties pathetically damp from just one sentence. You blink, trying to regain as much composure as you can. You know it’s too late, though; your imagination is already flashing through scenes of your deepest desires, all being fulfilled by the man in front of you. But Mingyu is only joking, so you do what you can to continue playing along and pretend like you don’t want him to just fuck you into the mattress until you were drooling into his sheets. 

“I-I seriously doubt that!” you say, but there is no conviction in your voice. Clearing your throat, you try adding, “Dude, I’ve literally seen you fall down a flight of stairs when you were sober. And we were going up. Kinda hard to imagine that you’ll know how to fuck me to an orgasm when you can’t even walk right.” 

Now you’re just lying through your teeth, but you want to hold off the inevitable moment that Mingyu discovers your apparent arousal for as long as possible. The last thing you need right now is for him to laugh in your face.

Mingyu chuckles, then suddenly shifts so that his arms are placed on either side of your head, trapping you underneath him. To his surprise, you do nothing to push him off like you usually do at this point. Still, he doesn’t plan on being the first to back off, so he continues his little game, intent on winning. “See, this is why you can’t find a guy who can satisfy you. You clearly don’t know what to look for.” He leans down until the tip of his nose grazes yours. For good measure, he drops his voice an octave and says, “You’ll be the one who can’t walk right when I’m done with you.” 

Perplexingly, his shameless flirting doesn’t make you move as he predicted. Nor does it make you look annoyed. Instead, you look up at him with eyes that are unmistakably glazed over with something he didn’t quite expect to see: pure lust. It immediately sends a rush of blood down to his cock. He blinks. Oh. So this is where the night is going. He only falters for a moment, but he soon flashes a breathtaking smile down at you, his eyes glinting mischievously. 

 It isn’t like he’s never thought about it before; he had just assumed that once you started calling him your best friend, you were also lowkey telling him that sex was off the table. And it wasn’t like he minded, because he definitely liked being by your side knowing it was fully okay to be himself since you were obligated to love him regardless. Plus there was just something about you that made him want to take care of you and if being your best friend was the only way he could do it, then that had been fine by him. But now that he knows that he can take care of you in another way, in the way that he sometimes found himself yearning for on lonely nights, he is all too eager to break free of the unspoken boundaries between the two of you. 

“And what am I looking for?” you whisper. 

“It seems like you’re looking for me, baby,” he responds softly, before pressing a kiss where your jaw meets your neck. He slowly drags his lips down the side of your neck, and revels in how it already has you pressing your legs together. “Damn, you weren’t kidding when you said those guys didn’t make you cum, huh? Is that why you’re already so fucking worked up? You want to cum that badly?”

You nod wordlessly, not quite ready for Mingyu to hear the desperate whine that would surely leave your lips as he continues pressing wet kisses along your skin. You opt to simply thread your fingers in his hair and tug hard enough to show your impatience. It seems to trigger something in him; all in an instant, your best friend’s soft lips clash against your own, his tongue easily sliding into your mouth, all the while while his hand reaches down to grab one of your thighs. He squeezes it teasingly before pushing it outwards, which causes the mini skirt you’re wearing to bunch up around your waist, revealing your panties and how they cling to your pussy like a second skin. 

“M-mingyu!” you squeak into his lips when you feel his fingers tentatively rub small circles into the wet spot. He nips at your lip harshly as he starts to rub more deliberately, the flimsy fabric of your underwear creating a delicious friction against your clit. “H-hah! Yes, o-oh my god!” 

“Fuck, you’re already so wet for me, baby girl,” he chuckles, but he knows he isn’t one to talk while his cock is half hard just from hearing the way you moan his name. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. You’re not leaving this room until your little pussy cums nice and hard on my cock.” 

“Ngh!-- yes p-please! Please, Mingyu,” you beg mindlessly. Your eyebrows are scrunched together in concentration. Despite your best friend’s promises, you are still hesitant to hold out any hope for anything more than what you’re accustomed to, so you try to take as much as you can while it lasts. However, in your lustful daze, you had forgotten that if Kim Mingyu is anything, he is a man of his word. 

 You let out a high-pitched moan when his fingers suddenly grind harsh circles into your clit, more surprised than anything else that he even knew where to find it. “But first,” he says, licking his lips, “you’re going to be a good girl and cum just like this. Right into your filthy little panties. Can you do that for me, baby?” 

He takes your drawn out whine as a response, and continues to rub relentlessly over your hardened clit until your legs begin to shake. That’s when he shoves the soaked material of your underwear to the side and pinches the bud. Hard. 

He rolls your clit between the pads of his fingertips over and over, sending jolts of electric pleasure all the way to your toes. It causes them to curl, all the while you feel the heat simmering in your lower abdomen finally coil tighter and tighter. “Fuckfuckfuck,” you chant, the words coming out slurred like you’re a teenager who’s gotten drunk from one sip of champagne. “M-mingyu-- mmh! I t-think I’m going to--!” 

A loud cry leaves your lips the moment the coil snaps, and you nearly tear up from how much better it feels to finally cum on someone else’s fingers, especially Mingyu’s long, thick digits.  He soothingly slides them through your drenched folds, mesmerized by how much wetness now covered his hand. “That’s it, baby,” he encourages. Once your body slumps back into the mattress, he brings his fingers up to see how they glisten in the light. “We’ve barely even started and look at what the mess you’ve already made. You must have been waiting so long for me to fuck you, huh?” 

Not even your post-orgasm buzz can keep you from getting irked by Mingyu’s cockiness, which is why you reach your own hand down to squeeze his cock through his jeans. “Seems like I’m not the only one who’s been waiting for this,” you say with a sly grin of your own. He watches you, jaw clenched, as you swiftly pop the button of his pants open and slip your fingers past the waistband of his underwear to take hold of his fully hardened member. 

It feels warm and heavy in your palm, which can barely wrap around the girth. You bite your lip, your pussy greedily clenching around nothing at the thought of how good it would stretch you out.

“I should have known you’d be a fucking tease,” Mingyu rasps. His hips buck into your hand involuntarily, and his smile returns when he notices how the movement makes you whimper in anticipation. 

There is a beat of silence when you and Mingyu meet eyes before the both of you begin undressing each other as fast as you can, haphazardly tugging off both your shirts, his pants, and your pesky undergarments. Once he’s tossed aside your soiled panties, he immediately presses your thighs apart to get a full view of your sopping cunt. “So pretty,” he mumbles to himself, spreading the lips apart with his fingers. His member throbs at the sight, the tip leaking precum when he sees how your pussy clenches in anticipation. “I bet it’s going to look even prettier when it’s taking my fat cock, don’t you think?”

The two of you watch in awe as Mingyu starts to sink into your entrance, a garbled moan leaving your lips when the tip alone already has you feeling so full. “Mingyu, h-how is-- ooh!-- your d-dick soo-- f-fucking big? A-Ah!” It takes a good while for you to finish your sentence as each of Mingyu’s shallow thrusts leave you gasping for air. By the time he bottoms out, the both of you are panting hard, both engrossed by how snugly his cock fits in your walls. 

“Shit, if I had known you’d be this tight, I would have fucked you sooner,” Mingyu groans. He slowly drags his member out of you, letting you feel every inch of him before he surges forward into a feverish pace that already has his bed frame creaking loudly. He is definitely getting a noise complaint from his grumpy neighbors tonight. But seeing you underneath him like this, lips parted and legs spread, definitely makes it difficult to care about anything other than the desire to hear more of your needy cries. “Does it feel good, baby girl? Do you like how my cock fills your little pussy?”

“It fuh--!--ngh, feels s-soo good,” Having already came once, your sensitivity is on overload, and each rough thrust of Mingyu’s hips, each crude slap of his skin against yours, is enough to drive you closer and closer to delirium. “Mmh-- please, Mingyu! F-fuck me so deep!”

“Anything for my little cockslut.” He moves quickly to kneel between your legs, hooking his arms underneath your knees to keep them open as he continues to pound into you. The new position instantly makes you keen loudly, eyes rolling to the back of your head when you feel his member brush against your cervix. 

“Fuuuuck,” you sob and clutch at the sheets. His grip on your legs tightens and he angles his hips so that he hits that spot every time, rendering you completely incoherent. You want to beg him to fuck you like this forever, to tell him you’d do anything to feel his cock fuck you open every night, but you can only babble, unable to comprehend anything that isn’t the insatiable thirst burning within you.

“Damn baby, did I fuck you stupid?” Seeing you so drunk on his cock, he wonders how anyone could ever fuck you without wanting to see you cum over and over again. His hair falls over his eyes as he fucks up into you with renewed vigor, his hot skin covered in a light sheen of sweat. He grits his teeth when he feels how tightly your walls grip onto him.“Shit-- you must want me to make you cum again, baby girl. Your little pussy just keeps sucking me in.”

“H-hah, y-yes! Yes, please god, Mingyu, I want to c-cum again. P-please let me cum,” you beg, practically writhing as you pathetically attempt to meet his thrusts. Without any hesitation, Mingyu brings down his thumb and presses it into your swollen clit, causing your body to seize up suddenly. “A-Aah Mingyu! I’m--!” The intensity of your orgasm has your back arching off the mattress, head thrown back in a silent scream. Wave after wave of pleasure continuously washes over you, seemingly unending, unlike any orgasm you ever thought possible. 

“That’s right baby girl, get my cock nice and wet,” Mingyu growls. He fucks you through your release as he sloppily chases his own, not too far behind with how your walls are pulsing around him. He makes sure his cock is deep inside you and stills his hips when fills you with his hot cum. “Fuck, this pussy was fucking made for me.”

Just as you think you’ve finally come down from your high, he pulls out of you and he shifts to lower himself to place his mouth on your spent pussy. “M-mingyu!” 

You squirm and half-heartedly try to shove his head away, far too sensitive to have his tongue licking into your leaking entrance, but Mingyu is persistent. He pushes your legs to your chest to keep you from squeezing them close, and hums when he tastes the hot mixture of your and his own cum on his lips. The way he slurps and sucks at your folds is absolutely sinful as he eats you out like you’re the most delectable treat. It almost hurts to feel so much ecstasy at once, but it still leaves you mewling for more, unable to get enough of the boy.

Your third orgasm ripples over you when he suddenly scrapes his teeth over your abused clit, and you feel a tear slide down your cheek as you weakly shake against his mouth. 

Mingyu is smiling when he pulls away, looking slightly ridiculous with how his lips still glisten with cum. You tiredly slump back into his pillows, eyes already drooping close. “What is it?”

“I told you I could do it~” he says proudly. He goes to grab some tissues from the bedside table so that he could start cleaning you up, giggling all the while. It really is unfair how he could look so cute moments after railing you into another dimension. 

You groan. You’re never going to hear the end of this.