#God truly loves the gays after all huh

[discluded]

Full article here. Please give it a click to support this kind of journalism! (I snipped out the highlights for a shorter read)

The state of Utah in the United States has no citizenship requirements for marriage licenses, and Utah County is the only place there that allows international couples to register their marriages online. Since the county rolled out virtual weddings during the Covid-19 pandemic, it became a wedding haven for same-sex couples who are not able to officially marry in their own countries.

As sexual minorities in China face suppression at home, Utah County is allowing them to officially marry and celebrate their love — all for around $100. Although the marriages aren’t recognized in China, some 200 same-sex couples from mainland China and Hong Kong have gotten married via the county’s digital marriage license system since 2021.

For authorities in Utah County, the influx of international couples came as a surprise. The Utah County and Auditor’s Office moved its marriage licensing service online, as part of a digitization initiative in 2019. At the start of the pandemic, a number of couples requested Zoom ceremonies, and the county made those available as well.

The service first attracted couples in Utah, followed by people from across the U.S., and later, from all over the world. From May 1 to September 20 this year, at least 77 same-sex couples with mainland Chinese addresses have been married there, said county deputy clerk Russ Rampton, who oversees marriage licensing, to Rest of World.

Although same-sex marriage remains illegal in Hong Kong, under a different set of laws to mainland China, residents who get married in other places are able to apply for dependent visas in the city for their partners. Married gay people are also able to mark themselves as married in tax filings.

In his vow, however, [one marriage certificate applicant] Zhu said he was looking forward to getting married a second time — in China. “If one day our country allows this, I hope we could get married again in this country,” Zhu said to his husband before they kissed.

**

Marriage equality does not stop in the West.

[gayest-persona-character]

this barbie hasn't gotten over round 3 and 4! take my dramatization of the kou vs yosuke poll

"I have to win!" Kou declared. "I have to make it far enough to beat that dumb Akechi guy!"

"No! This is my victory!" Yosuke retaliated. "You don't have anything going for you! You're just some dude who said one slightly gay thing! That, stacked up against all the shit I've done, it's nothing!"

Kou scoffed in disbelief. "You liked a girl."

"So did you!"

Kou's face contorted into an expression of anger.

"You just don't get it, do you?! I need to win this!"

"Too bad," Yosuke sneered. "because I'm the true winner here. I see it, you see it, everyone sees it. Just take one look at how things are going. You're not coming back from this!"

All that could have been heard was the sound of the two boys breathing loud enough to contain the agonized screams they longed to release, all that could have been felt was a pregnant silence full enough to distance them from each other hanging in the air.

Kou was the first to cut through the quiet.

"You just... don't get it..." Kou's voice was barely above a whisper, wavering with a tacit tension. "I need to do it for... him..."

"Him?" Yosuke inquired.

"N...Naoki... that... god damn Akechi... who does he think he is...!?" Kou raised his head and his voice, glaring with a newfound burning hatred towards something. Not clear who. Akechi? Yosuke? Himself?

Either way, Yosuke felt a sinking feeling within him, watching this poor boy get torn apart at the seams.

"Who do you think you are!?" Kou screamed, stepping closer to Yosuke and jabbing his finger at his chest. "You don't understand any of it, alright!? You haven't gone through the same shit I have! It's been so easy for you to just drift through this whole tournament, but you haven't ever stopped to think about your friends that lost! About the lover that lost!"

Yosuke's eye twitched.

"...I have."

"Huh?"

"I lost him too... my... b-boyfriend."

Kou's expression shifted from fury to surprise.

"I- I get it. I really do." Yosuke sniffled, wiping a tear from his eye. "I saw how bad he lost. Naoki. It's just... Yu... he put up a real good fight, and he still lost. Neither of those are good fates, so... I get it."

Kou's expression shifted from surprise to sincerity. To sorrow. To understanding.

Yosuke continued. "He... he's special to me, y'know?"

Kou nodded. He understood.

So he took it. He took the loss with grace.

But he took it with understanding.

21.9% / 78.1%.

Thank you so much for this, I love it. Truly a wonderful thing to come back to after my little midterm hiatus!

(which btw I did not announce, but I should be back for the next round on Saturday!)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Alright, Muffin. I’m a little curious now. Could you please tell us more about the delightful train wreck that would be Bella dating Alice and Edward?

Previous thoughts on Alice/Edward and Alice/Bella.

God, I don't even remember what ask this is, I've talked about too much shit on this blog and polyamory has come up multiple times. I believe the crux of it was that polyamory was not what Meyer was going for in the series and not something she considered a legitimate option (news at 11, amirite?)

Alright, the delightful train wreck is called "Surprise, It's Canon!" In that it's pretty much the same damn thing as canon except that Alice is playing a little more carful of a game.

The Realistic Scenario

Alice still tells Edward that Edward's the one in love with Bella who will either eat her or end up with her and Alice is Bella's "very close friend". If Alice doesn't tell Edward this, he'll have gay panic at Alice both encroaching on Bella Swan who is meant to be his lady love, his own feelings about Bella, his own feelings about Alice, and the idea that Alice will go for Bella.

It would not help things.

So, Edward gets to be the one who "dates" Bella while Alice does things like go on shopping trips with Bella, have jacuzzi night with Bella, practice kissing with Bella, have slumber parties with Bella...

You see where this is going.

It'd be the knob of canon turned slightly more homoerotic than it already was. Where Alice tells both Edward and Bella that she and Bella are totally just friends, uh huh, and proceeds to have a very blatant relationship with Bella Swan that somehow neither Edward nor Bella ever pick up on.

Even after Bella sleeps with Alice.

Just never happens.

Bella's never had a best friend before!

Alright, Polyamory is on the Table

Alice tells Edward that not only is he going to fall madly in love with Bella, so is Alice, and they're all going to sleep together. The family stares even harder than they stared in canon (which was pretty damn hard as this was a very awkward and tense talk).

"Well then." Carlisle says, just as he did in canon.

Edward, meanwhile, is panicking. Not only is he being told he's going to fall in love with this human (NO, NO, FOR THE LOVE OF... Oh I guess she does look kind of pretty if you squint your eyes a bit) but he's being told that he's a shameless lustful mess who will turn not only this poor human girl for his own sinful pleasures but sleep with his sister and allow his sister (who he loves dearly but has no morals whatsoever) to sleep with this woman. NO! EDWARD IS NOT THAT KIND OF MAN!

Edward still runs off to Bella and admits to himself that perhaps he is in love. Though I press the doubt button as I must. As in canon, he valiantly stays away from her for all of two days. It doesn't go well. Unlike canon, he decides to give Alice the complete cold shoulder. HE'LL SHOW HER WHO WILL SLEEP WITH WHOM. Alice tells him she knows he's going to fail, EDWARD IS NOT LISTENING!

Well, as in canon, Edward gives up despair and tells himself that he can just date Bella a little bit. Only a smidge, mind you, then he'll leave her later and kill himself in despair. There will be no turning Bella Swan, NO THREESOMES, it will be a perfect, wonderful, relationship until Bella inevitably tires of him for he is a monster.

Alice ruins this.

She starts flirting with Bella. Hard.

Now, normally Edward wouldn't notice, but he sure notices now thanks to Alice's warning him all about this. EDWARD MUST PROTECT BELLA AT ALL COSTS.

Edward ends up babbling to Bella how much he loves his sister, deeply, truly, but Bella can absolutely not go near her. Ever.

Bella misunderstands and takes this to mean that Edward is actually in love with Alice (per this ask the only other single member of the family) and that Bella is the woman in the sly/the rebound after Alice rejected Edward offscreen.

Woe and despair.

In tears, Bella breaks up with Edward because she can't watch him do this to himself.

Edward is very confused but also in despair as he figures Bella must have realized how much of a monster he truly is and is finally making the right choice for herself however much it hurts him. He puts on a very brave face and tells Bella that she will never see any of them again.

Edward pulls a New Moon early, Bella dumped him, they have to leave (Rosalie is so upset, she can't even). Alice is also upset, what the fuck, Edward? First, this isn't going to work, Edward will come crawling back, and second can't Edward think about anyone but himself? And how did this even happen? Things were going so well but then Edward started dropping cryptic warnings about Alice and shit hit the fan. Alice blames Edward for all of this, entirely.

Alright Edward, fuck you, I want my girlfriend. A best friend is one thing but this is the love of Alice and Edward's life. The rest of the family can go but Alice isn't leaving.

Well, that's not how this works, the family can't half leave Forks. The rest of the family, seeing no real need to leave, decides to stay. Now Edward can't leave as he'd be the only one leaving and it'd be pointless.

And Edward had just told Bella that she would never see any of them again.

So now he looks like an idiot.

The next day at school, Edward is still dumped, and Alice makes her move. She helps Bella through her awful breakup (awful indeed as Bella is now being comforted by her best friend who she sacrificed her perfect relationship for and ALICE CAN NEVER KNOW).

Alice asks if Bella won't please forgive Edward for being a complete jackass. Alice knows it's hard, but Alice promises they'll all, she means Edward and Bella, will be happier for it.

Then the whole truth comes gushing out. Bella tells Alice all about her misconceptions and oh, oh, Alice can work with this.

Alice tells Bella that's it's very true, she and Edward have been in love for years BUT A PIECE OF THE PUZZLE WAS MISSING. Who is that puzzle piece, you ask? That's right, it's Bella Swan. Their perfect relationship could not take off because Bella Swan is vital to it. She is the jelly to their bread and peanut butter. They are incomplete without her.

Bella is dubious but this is just the sort of validation she needs and craves. Suddenly, Bella can be a part of the Cullens again and, better, a part of one of the Cullens' already perfect relationship between her two favorite Cullens.

Bella is on board for the threesome.

Edward, who is still dumped, CANNOT EVEN. ALICE YOU WITCH! Alice doesn't care, she's right and he will know it soon enough.

Alice tells Edward, smirking in a spinny chair, that he might as well give into the inevitable. He gave it a good run, but even if he persists in being a fool, Alice will certainly get Bella and all Edward will be doing is sitting in a corner and crying. Single, a virgin, and miserable.

Long story short, Alice ends up sleeping with Edward here to cement their pact. Edward tries to convince Alice to help keep Bella human for even a little while but Alice don't care. NOPE, we're not doing that, Edward, you had your fun but now it's Alice's turn.

Bella is turned, does not marry Edward (Edward cries for he lives in a den of sin and he is one of the sinners), and thinks she's in the world's most fantastic relationship. Edward cries on the inside.

And Alice?

You never bet against Alice.

[braxiatel]

Hi hello hi I just caught up on equinox and it's making me insane I have so many thoughts I'm just going to throw all of them at you beloved mutual. Also I listened to the Hades ost while reading this and I think it rewired my brain chemistry. Also Equinox spoilers below dear readers.

QUITE FRANKLY I do not know enough about Ancient Greek myths because it was never an area of interest for me but never the less I have been GRIPPED. Atherix was like "I hate cheating stories and I am Making An Exception for this one" so of course i had to read it and now I am simply perched like a bird staring down at this it is fantastic. Oh my god I cannot wait for everything to run through the fan here.

Scar and Grian are SUCH a mess and it is a DELIGHT. You have truly captured the Vibes here my lord. The fact that Scar remains loyal for SO LONG after Grian stops paying attention to him and keeps a shrine to his husband and grian is just. GOING BEHIND HIS BACK. AUGH. MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS. and then SCAR being like "you know what i deserve it" far be it from me to cheer on someone cheating on their spouse but FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS MAN YES YOU DO. ESPECIALLY considering how Grian vs Scar's cheating parallel each other like Grian is LYING to himself and hurting both himself AND bigb in the process whereas Scar is FINALLY happy with Mumbo while S T I L L feeling the pull back to Grian and the way ALL of it parallels double life and how Grian and Scar see alliances and contracts as completely different and play the game different can anyone HEAR me I am SCREAMING

GOD I WANT TO SHAKE THEM ALL IN A JAR!!!!

And the fact that Mumbo is Etho's son [I think. I think I understand this dynamic correctly] is going to make me GNAW MY OWN ARM OFF ETHO MY BELOVED!!!!! AUGH HIS CHARACTERIZATION IS SO GOOD IM GONNA GO INSANE. I AM THROWING MYSELF OVER A FAINTING COUCH.

AND THEN BIGB'S NYMPH...TIE. BRANCH. THING BEING INSIDE GRIAN'S GARDEN BUT THE ONLY PRE-RELATIONSHIP THATS TAGGED IN MUMSCARIAN!!!! I AM SO SCARED FOR BIGB OH GOD

Oh my god and the way redstone works here has my heart. Delicate devicess that can blow up and be made big and complex its just so. Mwah. Mwah mwah mwah. I love redstone so much.

AND THEN ALL THE SOFT REDSCAPE WHERE MUMBO IS WORRIED BECAUSE HES A DEMIGOD THIS POOR MAN IS GONNA HAVE LIKE. 3 IDENTITY CRISIES TO GET TO THAT MUMSCARIAN TAG HUH. "I hate the gods I am a demi god i love a god I love two gods oh god[s]". My poor mumbo jumbo. Whump on him some more I love it.

AND JUST THE DESCRIPTION OF THE UNDERWORLD AUGH ITS SO!!!! The way you describe it is so vivid and yet also like ever shifting in my mind which tbf is how I would picture the actual underworld anyway and I just DLKFHSAFHKLADFKLHA I AM GOING MAD

AND CUB!!!! CUB MY BELOVED OH YOU HAVE CAPTURED HIS 'WAY TOO CHILL' ATTITUDE SO WELL GOOOOOOOOOOOOD. The scene between cub and grian i was just like GET HIS ASS!!!! GET HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH THE FACT THAT IM OUT OF EQUINOX STUFF TO READ NOW. SOB. I CANT WAIT FOR ME

Hello beloved mutual Stitch <3 Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, I spent all morning being excited about this ask!

Thank you, yes! Double Life was the first life series I got to watch live, and I am just. I'm not over any of it tbh? at least 1% of my psyche is at all times devoted to screaming about this canon soulmate AU.

And honestly? I feel the same about cheating stories. But then cc!Grian said "I want to hang out with my bestie, so I'm gonna make my little guy be into his little guy" in double life and was then like tragedy! pain! despair! and I ate that shit right up.

Scar really did go "I can have a little gay summer flirt for myself, as a treat :)" and then turned around and fell Hard for Mumbo. Way harder than I think he thought he'd be able to with a mortal. Not that that's something he thinks about much, of course. Mumbo is just Mumbo to him, he doesn't care about what he is. Scar you really should tell him you're a god. You really should do that my dude.

Yes Mumbo is Etho's son and it was entirely accidental 😂 I was like "Well this is who Mumbo is in the AU and then a couple of days later "Oh I know who Etho is" and then it took me like an hour from there before I made the connection.

Top 1 reason I need mumscarian to become canon in this au soon, btw:

[ID in alt]

me in fic: redstone is so cool I love it so much redstoners my beloved me in mincraft: *sobbing, weeping, wailing as I rebuild an item sorter for the third time*

Honestly? Yes. Mumbo is just here trying to live his life meanwhile a tidal wave of god politics is building in the background. He's gonna have A Day when everything gets brought into the light. I'm sure he'll be Fine about his boyfriend of many years being something he's terrified of, though... right?

I am looking very hard at Cub's current lore, because that could be relevant for a future equinox thing and I badly want an excuse to bring him back.

Thank you < 3 I wrote a sentence on my WIP just now, just for you.

[ID: she grins, teeth like jagged shards of iron]

[the-fair-maiden-of-fandom]

more qjj liveposting pt.5

|| there are obviously going to be spoilers ||

“You’ve been poisoned by someone, it’s inadvisable for you to stay out in public. If you don’t mind, you can stay at my home. My teacher and yours are considered colleagues, and you are old friends with Ce’an. There’s no need to stand on ceremony.” any friend of my boyfriend is a friend of mine bajklsfbla

like i know yao wenyu was like. literally poisoned but him being sick is making me nervous,,,,, ive seen the official art and read the spoilers,,, idk how it happens but

SO SEXY OF YOU YAO WENYU TO JUST FIGURE IT OUT LIKE THAT

‘If not for the fact that this person was in such dire straits, even Shen Zechuan himself wanted to kill him, what’s more the others.’ asjdkhfblas????

love that for her

wait so xue xiuzhuo basically fucked over all the other scholars???

i love smart commander vs. smart commander stuff

which,,,, in hindsight,,, is probably why i like cezhou so much

XCY IS THAT STRONG?????

oh thank GOD and xiao fangxu

oh he’s mad mad

yikes

OH SO THATS THE PLAN

aw he’s such a good dad it’s like watching my dad and my lil brother

“I found myself a man!” Sunlight shone on Xiao Chiye’s face, dispelling the dark clouds of yesterday. This brat was truly a little rascal as he shouted provocatively, “The best-looking man in the whole of Da Zhou is my wife!” LOVE OF MY LIFE

he’s so excited to be with szc it’s absolutely adorable

“Xiao Chiye!” Xiao Fangxu let out an earth-shaking roar. He pushed himself off the ground with his hands to chase after him, but he could not catch up. In a fit of anger, he picked up a piece of horse dung and flung it at Xiao Chiye, cussing, “Get your ass back here and make yourself clear!”  I LOVE THEM

this is so funny actually. “dad, i’m gay and im bringing my bf home for thanksgiving. also, he’s the most hated guy in the world. love you!”

can you IMAGINE suddenly finding out that your sister-in-law-to-be is just. at your house. 

omg he did the roofing just bc that’s how xcy likes it??? they really are in love huh

she likes him!!!!

THREE PAGES IS,,,,, so much,,,,

xcy has such a good family

aw, yao wenyu :((

‘technically, shen zechuan was also on the run. the difference is that xcy beat the hell out of this guy, ruined the plans of this guy, destroyed everything this guy had going,,,,, so xcy was the main target’

when he calls him ce’an <3

GZX WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

unleashing the protective wrath of xcy on szc like that how could you

going to libei to talk to WHO??

i just KNOW they’re about to be so disgustingly cute

omg,,,,,, he’s taming his horse for him (NOT an innuendo) (i want to make a joke but idk what)

why are xcy and his dad the actual cutest thing ever

‘The quality iron had been smashed to the point it was no longer usable, but he still did not have it changed.‘ love. of. my life.

HELL OF A SURPRISE

running huggggg im going to cry my eyes out

Shen Zechuan swung the folding fan between his fingers and said, “That’s something I have to do in passing while I’m at it. My heart is all here.” SOBBING

FUCK THEYRE SO CUTE

they need to stay long distance bc i cant handle it when theyre not

sxc is such a little shit ill never get over it

meeting the parents 

Xiao Fangxu was initially sitting with his leg propped up, but on seeing the white figure entering, he suddenly sat straight up. But then, he felt he was really being too unnatural, so he attempted to cover it up by propping his hand on his knee to appear more imposing, only to look all the more conspicuous as he looked at Shen Zechuan without so much a smile.  he’s such a cringe dad i just KNOW his hugs are incredible

pleaseeee even xfx agrees he’s drop dead gorgeous

do you HAVE to eyefuck him in front of xfx. must you.

HES FOND OF HIS KISSESSSSS 

‘Nothing in this world could be relied on, nothing except Xiao Chiye.’ i cant do this anymore 

how do they, two fictional characters, make me feel like im intruding 

THEY BOTH SAID IT 

the way t97 uses their courtesy names kills me everytime 

i had to stop and take a lap 

okay why is szc so damn cute when he's not killing people and plotting various downfalls bc this piggyback ride is going to end me 

they are. sharing a blanket and watching the sunrise. thats all i want from life 

i literally cant function. i cant. 

THE FACT THAT FATHER AND SON ARE BOTH GIFTING HIM MILK. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN 

ik what it means but like honestly im dying.  i cant. xiao fangxu do you want to be my second dad because i can definitely handle three parents

poor guy just wanted to become a bandit overlord and got in way over his head 

DING TAO AND LI XIONG MY DARLINGS ARE BACK ONSCREEN 

MY LOVE HAS ARRIVED TO SAVE THE BOYS 

catching the candy is unreal im in love 

if szc doesnt kill this man xcy will hunt down his entire family line 

YOU ARE WELCOME TO BE OUR GUEST 

szc literally one chance that was the sexiest shit ive ever read 

im going to print out that scene and sharpie it onto my walls i cant. i cant. 

the way he swooped in and saved HIS retinue. love. love. i love him. no one is doing it like him 

im reeling rn how am i supposed to continue my life 

im halfway into the next chapter and still thinking about it. holy shit. 

wait what the fuck does gedale mean 

also??? the hurt??? the injuries??? the quiet suffering? good shit 

omg wait what 

OMG 

OMG ITS TIED TO HIS PARENTS??? WHAT?? 

szc putting his hair into a bun would kill xcy on the spot 

wonder what THAT meant 

well that was freaky 

aw ding tao :( dont be scared my darling he just risked his life for yours a few chapters ago 

i feel like this fellow is also someone szc is eventually going to put out to pasture 

he seems like he'll get a bit too cocky 

okay yes but the fuck does that mean

[bibatbrat]

TMA Season 2

Ooooo spooky 👻

Jon said I am back at work before my doctor said it was ok and I am SO fucking scared

What If There Was A Band That Was So Fucking Bad

ACAB but I fucking love Basira and Daisy. Sue me.

I also love GERTRUDEEEE

It’s so fucking funny that Michael Crew tried to use Boneturner’s Tale to help him, it didn’t work, and then he’s like “oh well i’ll just take it to the library i guess”

The New Door feels very much like Hive and I love it

Gerard saving Andrea Numis from the Lonely by telling her to remember her mother when he’s on vacation right after being acquitted for his mom’s murder…. Gives me feelings

Tim canon bisexual 💙💜💖

Elias being a pothead in college is true character depth and development 10/10

Alexander Scaplehorn (the tax guy) is so fucking funny. Man cares so much about preventing money laundering that he survives the supernatural 🙏

Trevor the vampire killer canonically homophobic 😔

Jon finding out that Martin was lying about his qualifications and being so relieved bc 1) Martin probably did not kill Gertrude and 2) turns out that Martin is not an incompetent idiot, just a dropout

Not going to lie, I think I could’ve hacked it on Daedalus, but that’s just me

But also letting a private company shoot you into space to do isolation experiments is so incredibly dumb and Mr. Chilcott should’ve known better tbh

Agnes Montague saving Ronald Sinclair from Hilltop House via a searing kiss on the cheek… truly who is doing it like her?

We love a workplace intervention

The Buried coffin eats a cop so shoutout to the Buried I guess

Mary Keay and Gertrude have such a fun dynamic and I would kill for just a whole season of the two of them tbh

I think Binary might be my fave episode of this season. The statement itself is delightfully horrible, and the Tim/Jon fight at the end just makes it *chefs kiss* perfect

Jack Barnabas’s statement drives me crazy. Him saying he doesn’t think he has a destiny and Agnes saying, “That must be nice.” Him asking for a kiss and her crying after she gives it to him. Him losing everything after it, even though she dies.

The Book of the Dead is such a good concept.

A Long Way Down makes me sad ☹️ I’m a sucker for brother stories

The Kind Mother is fucked up. The aspect of Lucy having not even gotten along with her mother before NotThem replaced her makes me crazy

Jon is so fucking dumb. He listens to the statement about NotThem getting trapped in the table and is like “obviously I need to destroy this table” 😔

Jon telling Tim and Martin to take the next couple of days off fucks me up, especially after the time he spends listening to Sasha’s voice recordings. He doesn’t want to lose anyone else!!!

Tim and Martin going after him though 🥺

Also, oh my God, Tim and Martin just being silent for a full twenty seconds after the recording of Martin’s poetry gets played… truly awkward enough to make you forget about your friend who is maybe being hunted/killed

John worrying about conserving the tape to record himself being hunted and maybe killed… sir, that’s the Eye at work

Tim and Martin arguing about Tim being a dick and fighting all the time with John and Martin just wanting them to all be one big happy hostage family…. 🥺🥺🥺 they care about each other and I am dying

I fucking love the “taunt you into revealing your position” trope. NotThem telling Jon about how it hurt Sasha when she erased her and him yelling at them to shut up… yes!!!

NotThem about to kill Jon and him just whispering and apologizing over and over and over to Martin, Sasha, and Tim aghhhh

<rdj voice> there was a sewer man

Jurgen Leitner really lived in their basement huh

Leitner being a parallel to the Archivist and Jon being so disgusted w the way he uses and discards his assistants to horrible fates… sure hope that doesn’t come back to bite him in the future lol

“An angry goth” yo that’s my booooooy

Leitner is like, “I diagnose you with Voyuerism” and Jon is like, “This is so scary and I am gay and need to go cry brb”

Leitner talking to the recorder and telling Gertrude that she would’ve liked Jon 🥺

Elias said hello I am here to be evil and we have no choice but to stan

(Alternatively I am really glad I wasn’t on here during the peak bc Elias would’ve gotten sooooo annoying, but now I can enjoy my funny little murder man w no consequences 😈)

He <redacted> that old man 😳

Tim and Martin not seeing anything other than the body and just IMMEDIATELY assuming that Jon clubbed someone to death in his own office… can we get an F in the chat 😔

It’s 👁👄👁 time baby

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread 9

being the live-read of that time i read tgcf for the first time, truly a magical experience i would recommend to all, if you like gay stories, fantasy stories, or perfectly-written stories, then perhaps buy official english translations of Heaven Official's Blessing

originally tweeted 4/1/2020:

I also can’t want to see this animated, in five years when the donghua gets to it

gays pointing out misogyny

Another little mxtx horror gem featuring bai wuxiang

this Thing Obviously Impersonating Hua Cheng (But Doing A Bad Job) is adding so much extra horror to a scene which is already filled with creepy, fleeting glimpses of Bai Wuxiang. Horror level 10

nicely done confirmation that Fu Yao and Nan Feng were just Mu Qing and Feng Xin for a long time. That was pretty obvious from the dynamics

hahahahshahshsjs omg this dynamic

I literally burst out laughing so loudly at this fourth wall call out by Mu Qing & Feng Xin

the Cave Full Of Statues Of Himself thing is INCREDIBLY creepy !!!!!

i screamed in my empty apartment

.... i need to do some online shopping & process this a second while I think about buying an eighth bathrobe

so this is kinda like Hua Cheng’s stalker cave huh, while he was hoping to play it cool

I say that with LOVE i still adore crimson rain sought flower and hualian

He’s all like I HAD THE RED STRING, I GAVE HIM THE RING, WHY THE ASSHOLE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS GOTTA COME ALONG AND EXPOSE MY STALKER CAVE

Rip feng xin & mu qing who are about to get murdered by hua cheng

who IS the white-clothed man who is CLEARLY the favorite to win Mt Tong’lu’s Next Top Ghost King??? I’m scared of him & Hua Cheng better step up

it’s....Him, isn’t it....!!!!!!!!

HE BOYFRIENDS LOVE EACH OTHER THEIR LOVE CAN WITHSTAND THE STALKER CAVE.

ok I was wrong nothing was impersonating hua cheng But he Was acting suspicious. Like, What If He Finds Out How Long I’ve Liked Him, What If He Realizes I Was A Nerd In School And Filled My Locker With Art Of Us suspicious

ahhhhhhh Clean Water, Pure Air,,,,,, Hualian Happy Together

Xie Lian: oh no

Hua Cheng: what? I won’t let Bai Wuxiang get near you!

Xie Lian: Oh no.....it’s so hot when you’re mad.....

Xie Lian’s reaction to seeing the cave that Hua Cheng filled with statues and art of him: so he DOES like-like me!!!!

When I found out where his ashes were & spoiled it for myself I was so mad & now these cryptic comments are even MORE ROMANTIC

A WISP OF HUA CHENG BACKSTORY? I’M SO STARVED FOR IT

“It’s not like it’s anything hard” UNLIKE XIE LIAN’S DICK AFTER THIS SCENE OH MY GOD I NEED TO LIE DOWN

Hua Cheng is about to Ghost King Level Up!!!!!!!!!!! Watch Out!!!! Oh my god

Every time I turn a page I expect AND SCENE! END OF BOOK THREE!!! is it gonna be KISS? is it gonna be HANDS HOLD JUMP INTO KILN? its gonna be somewhere Maximum Suspense is reached

THE SUSPENSE HERE IS KILLING ME AHHHH it just KEEPS BUILDING

the suspense is so bad that....I better stop reading & tweet every other paragraph so I can scream more about how AHHHHHHHHHH i am about this

I clearly remember every book I read that made me start wanting to eat the pages halfway thru because I was so into it & this is one

REMEMBER WHEN I TALKED ABOUT GHOST KING MAGICAL GIRL FLOWER CROWN MARTIAL PRINCE XIE LIAN WELL

Hahaha and THERE is the end of book 3 okay oh boy someone get me a beta blocker for my heart rate oh god

Predixns: Book-4-flashback.mov then I suspect our dianxia will just turn up in a forest somewhere, having gently jumped ahead several months, been missing, collecting trash, and there will be Some Backstory & we’ll never get the details of how he came out of the Kiln

Predixns the sequel: while dianxia is trapped in the Burial Moun—I mean the Kiln, the world will go to shit & hua cheng will be Big Mad & Take It Out On Everyone

I read this on april fool’s because I am The Fool

More proof xie lian is god of millennials: centuries of eating trash and being free while ignoring the news

Book Four! Starting next time on tgcf liveread part ten!!!!

[tiptapricot]

Moon Knight Liveblog thoughts, The Friendly Type

I love this opening scene w Layla but who is the lady truly like

How did they get to know each other bc she sorta acts like a mom but also not rlly n also she isn’t credited as such

Marshmallows :-)

Layla ilysm

I wish this scene didn’t have music almost bc the asmr would b amazing

LAYLA DOES YHE FACE PICKY THING IRL NOT JUST AS A DUAT NURSE OGHGGHGG

HER STIMMMMINGHGGGGGGGH

She also works her lips a lot

THIS LOGO SONG YESSSSSSSS

Episode two w the boring ass normal music should step up

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector

The way he’s running so fast n then is just already late lol

“Owh shit :-/“

“Oh wow”

“Ooo we dancin we fightin what we gonna do”

The slap… THIS FIGHT FUCKS

Love the musicCCC GOD

The dynamic vibes slap so hard ahhHgGghh

Marc looks great disheveled too

Jake just stepping in like “lol sorry guys don’t go after me or I’ll kill you” *gets in a cab*

MARC USED STEVENS ACCENT I THINK WHEN HE ASKS WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME???

“Just let us go man 😟”

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector again

He looks so dumb when he runs

These poor bystanders

“Mahc… that’s enough”

Jake moment again woooooo!!!!

Also knowing the changes when the camera pans between Marc n reflections is practical n Oscar doing it in real time makes this ep even MORE FUCKING EPIC

The pause before “he’s just a kid” n then seeing Marc push all ot it away

God

We don’t talk enough about that moment jfc

Khonshu’s neck black hole lmao

“Anger them enough… and they will enact a hate crime on my fruity ass”

*Does a gay little eclipse that pisses you off*

Literally the limp wrist moment is the next scene

Also Khonshu is so stupid he’s so dumb he’s like “we gotta b perfect haha no I won’t tell you anything or prepare anything byyyye”

“Ohhh I’ll be there 😏”

Steven is… I love him “Oh my days” what if I kissed u huh??? On the nog?

YATZIIIIIILLLLL her voice is so nice

“Ok…. Cool” Marc interacting w ppl makes him sound so funny

“The only melody Khonshu enjoys is the sound of pain” Marc that’s…. Really funny

JUST TELL HIM HES GONNA B POSESSED DUDE STOP LEAVING HIM IN THE DARK

The trial scene makes me fucking feral

“We despise your garishness” STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC

OSCARS ACTING IN THIS SCENE MARC LOOKING MORE AND MORE AWARE AND AFRAID OF WHATS HAPPENING GODDDD

THE TEAR

IM NOT OK IM NOT OK ALSO THE LIGHTING IS RLLY NICE

The little whispered “fuck” Marc I’m so sorrry I love you

Arthur Crunchy Feet Harrow coming out of the gate swinging w the ableism

Harrow shut up shut up shut up shut up

Marc’s poor body

Watching them blur here is ridiculous like they’re both being triggered but I think it’s Marc that breaks through n tries to punch harrow bc u hear him say stop n Khonshu say shut up

HARROW SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA KILL YOU

“We will not tolerate violence” oh I see tolerating ableism n verbal attacks but not physical ones I see I see also HARROW I HATE YOU

Marc…. Looks so fucking…. In disbelief and so wrecked and so sweaty and teary and vulnerable his voice cracking and he’s scared and he’s scared of harrow for te power he has over him god this fuvking scene I’m not ok

What other memories is this echoing what other experiences is this mirroring where he wasn’t believed and was yelling to listen but no one did bc he was written off for being seen as lesser

And Marc feels as if he’s lost after, as if not being normal cost him everything. His brain and his struggles and that being weapon used like always causing him to lose

THE MUSIC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

He went back for his hat :-)

Marc failing at an interaction… felt

LAYLA YESSS

BOAT SCENE BOAT SCENE YESS

Layla u are glowing get his ASS

“Copy that” you military ass guy I love you

Layla finger fiddling again

SALKAAAAAA

I need to see their wedding

I’m getting goosebumps I love them the like emotional tension here n Layla has the power

“It… doesn’t matter” the way his voice breaks

AND HIS FINGERS AUTOMATICALLY OPEN WHEN LAYLA TAKES THEM N HE FIDDLES W THEM I LOVE YHEM I LOVE YHEM OK INLOVE THEM

The way he gives her her hands back n pats them like giving the affection back, returning it bc he doesn’t need it

Layla in a ponytail somehow almost changes her character to me she just looks like like she just looks she LOOKS SHE LOOKSSSS

What happened between Layla n Mogart I wanna see the drama

Marc fails a social interaction part 2, electric boogaloo

Layla just like “o baby no”

Marc just not knowing shit ab Egyptian stuff is so funny n then Steven’s like that one tik tok meme

“I receive: the body. You receive: the info you need”

“He’s praying” IS SUCH AN OVERLOOKED LINE

Steven n Marc bantering my loves

Let Marc say fuck

Mogart I hate you

The way Marc can’t act when harrow is there…. The trauma from the trial still so fresh and that power imbalance and uncomfortability freezing him

“You piece a shit..” real

Also w Marc being unable to act, it’s also after he starts turning Layla against him and it’s just the same and he just can’t he can’t you can see a shot of his face that almost looks identical to the trial

It’s like a silent panic attack

But then harrow leaves n he can breathe again

THIS FIGHT SCENE MY BELOVEDDDTGE CAPE IN A MOON SHAPE SHEILDING LAYLA

“Buy me some time” “I can do that :-)”

Also the music AGAIN

MARC RUNNING THROUGH THE FUCKING FENCE IS SO FUNNY HE DOESNT EVEN JUMP JUST ZOOP

Marc growling… baby you are neurodivergent ily

“Thas it… alright that’s it that’s it time out!”

“Take… the body… take the body take the body Marc”

Lol get stabbed

Imagine seeing ur husband get impaled

LAYLA W THE KNIFE NECKLACE I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

“LAYLAAA!!”

The grab n roll is sOOOO satisfyinGGGG

“Tik tok marc spector” shut UP

“Aigh… I really liked that jacket… o wel”

Marc in da car call that Carc

He has nice shoulders

Bologna :-)

Marc just breaking internally n pushing her away the scene where they’re driving makes me weep they’re just tearing at the seams n both so sad but also angry

Marc getting upset easily felt felt

Some of Khonshu’s neck tendrils r taught into his neck n some just dangle lol

THE AWITCH W THE CAR MIRROR that’s the scene that got me to watch actually I saw it on Instagram n was like ohhHh

Steven’s eyelashes n the way he looks at Layla adoringly

“Egyptians invented modern.. navigation” baby you are so cute

“It’s French” LAYLAS LAUGH

They’re both so pretty they need to kiss

Watching this scene after that one comic ab Layla not knowing why it’s not working hits diff I love her

Khonshu sad scene….

His voice is so deep and soft….

The stars r fucking beautiful

This scene gives me goosebumps

Layla has a scrape on her shoulder

THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE OF TURNING THE STARD BACK AGHGGGHHGGGGHHHHHGHHHHHGHHJJHHGGHHHHGGHJJHGGUHJHGGHHJJ

God it’s so pretty it’s so pretty I’m out of my mind it’s so pretty I’m in space I’m eating wood

Khonshu dying hurts why does it hurt the way he yells and crumples n the suit breaks away and the bones snap and shatter and he groans in pain and Steven can feel it and feel it leaving him and he reaches out to Khonshu as he dissolved into dust, desperate and scared and so sad and then just goes totally limp… the tie severed from the body for the first time in a decade and the immediate mystical biological whiplash

*ahem* Harrow…. I hate you. Also stop having crunchy toes.

This episode slaps so hard everyone else shut up yes I like it more than the tomb which comes next and it’s bc SO MUCH HAPPENS AND ITS PACED SO WELL

YESSSSSSS THIS ENDING THEME WHY DO ALL OF THEM FUCK SO HARD YESSSS

[onzeziggy]

LAURIEN THE NEW EPISODE IM SCREAMINGGGGG

Vegaspete completely blew my mind, I've been waiting all week for more and now my brain is splattered against my wall like- they just did that. And they really somehow made all of their interactions into the most tender thing 😭 no tattoo/wound kiss yet but yknow what there's still time

Kinnporsche agh they were the cutest! Kinn dropping everything to be a house husband with porsche. That's really all he wants huh, just a domestic life with his boyfriend. Just let him live in peace for God sake, chan can take over the main family and the brothers can all live their best lives

KIM OMG he was serving looks yet again (so was chay aswell tbh that blue hair looks great... I mean we only saw it in neon lighting but still) he's not forgiven in the slightest but all I'm saying is I'd be like that guy in the bar too - aka doing literally everything Kim says just from a look hsjsujss props to chay for staying strong

Lmao sorry for the rant I just had to let it out

Hope you've had a great day! Sending lots of hugs ❤

Caitlin ahhh sorry for only replying just now, but my exams are finally over so here I am to scream back about my current favorite gays sksisks

No but Vegaspete?! They- they did that… I would have never expected for Pete to make the first move (but I’m so glad he did and the other thing he did as well omg) and for it to be so intense and so tender at the same time. Vegas’ soft kisses ended my whole entire career and Pete looking up at him like that the whole time, I’m fine. Also the preview for today’s episode and them holding hands while Vegas is caressing Pete’s one so softly 😩 we better get a spiderman kiss or wound kiss so I can yeet myself to space again.

Then our one and only husbands in love kinnporsche 🥹 They were absolutely the cutest last episode! Every time I think they can’t get any more domestic there’s Kinn being the perfect boyfriend and supporting Porsche in whatever he needs, I love them so much. They were such a happy little family sitting there outside with Chay and the bread lmao but yes, invite the other brothers as well and let Korn pay for all the lies and bullshit he’s done bc we all know he will never tell the full truth.. Also the red scene made me so emotional and knowing that tonight stuff can go wrong again, I’m not prepared 😭

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KIM INDEED! Cat I died when he showed up, my mouth dropped to the floor and I was screaming like a baby. He looked so freaking fine and this side of him, truly superior! And MOOD! I only had one thought and it’s Kim telling me to sit down, I’d be like *i’m sat* lol. No but if he could just work some more about his communication skills and actually show Chay only the tiniest amount of care instead of acting like this little bitch always walking off, I’d help a lot hahah but hopefully we’ll see a bit more of them tonight and Kim in that white shirt serving looks once again heheh

And nooo, I smiled so bright seeing your rant in my inbox, I love love love screaming about this show and all the drama with it so if you have to let it out again after tonight’s episode please do it again hihih. I’m already gonna say good luck with all the feels for tonight lmao and I’ll see you on the other side. Many hugs back to you and enjoy your weekend Cat! <333

[tsuki-sennin]

Re~vi~i~ve Go~retsu~! Goretsu!

I'm kidding, of course, but y'know what? I can relax sooner or later!

As much fun as I've rather obviously had with Revice over this past year, I do agree with the general consensus being that it's hit a lot of stumbles. Nothing truly show-breaking or making it unwatchable or anything like that, but definitely noticeable. Maybe I'll talk about them in depth after I see the final episode, or maybe I won't, but hey! Might as well try to end on a good note, eh?

Spoilers, I guess...

-Man.

-Nah, it's fine Vice, I kinda feel the same way.

-I wonder... how the hell does Ikki get removed from photos? I'd understand the symbolism behind it if the rest of the family forgot about him but... did he take the photos? Set the camera up?

-"THIS IS OUR FAULT YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER"

-He's working for free!

-"...yeah, sure, I know who you people are!"

-Oh hi George.

-Yeah, splash him.

-"Let's go see your dad... together, next time."

-Man...

-"Nah, you don't have to apologize. I was just doing it for myself."

-Bros 4 Lyfe.

-Delicious :)

-"So like... who is Ikki Igarashi, anyhow?"

-Epic Dad Joke.

-Did that beer even spill out?

-Awwww, Love-chan :(

-Ikkiiiiiii :(

-He moved out.

-Man, we kinda dropped that Ptera Genome hoverbike thing, huh?

-Guess it was just too much.

-Fenix Frat House.

-GEORGE DID YOU CREATE THE MEMORY DRAIN

-Oh, I... drastically misread that.

-That might be Vice's destruction.

-Dolphin!

-BEDS

-Vice, how much money do you think we have?

-Vice cookin'.

-Demon Spice!

-Bonk.

-Fellas, is it gay to live with the manifestation of your childish impulses and desires meant to protect your brain from trauma?

-Hot damn, Ikki got drip.

-See ya.

-Man... I can't imagine the amount of talent and effort it must take to convey so much emotion just through body language... mad props to Eitoku, that man's a living legend.

-My man wore a suit to a locally owned ramen joint.

-Oh hey, parfaits. I've had one of those in Oishi-na Town!

-...ohhhhh, shit.

-Cake...

-Your phone's goin' wild.

-My man, Tamaki!

-Holy shit, Genta went in there barehanded!

-What a Chad.

-DESTREAM LET'S GO

-Wish I got to see more of this suit, it's awesome.

-V

-Vice duck.

-Oh my god, Vice duck.

-I

-Genuinely don't know what to say to that, what the fuck

-Oh my God.

-I think we've had two fart jokes in the entirety of Revice. Admirable restraint, compared to the preview in Saber.

-Ohhhh shit, we fightin'.

-"I ate your Mom, shitlips!"

-Oh my god, Revi reflected in Vice's helmet's visor... ohhhh, that's such a cool shot...

-Ah, yep. This is all part of a zany scheme.

-...I really hope those people Vice was "attacking" were in on it.

-Oh my fucking god, Sakura sprayed ketchup all over Tamaki.

-...hey, lucky him, I guess!

-Ikki's having himself the most violent masturbation ever.

-We're deleting Vice.

-Man...

-I mean, Kagerou was supposed to be gone forever when the Holy Vistamp was brought into play, but...

-God, I can feel the pain...

-Oh boy, final episode.

-Man...

-Well, I hope you'll all join me Sunday morning, where we bid farewell to the Igarashi family. I'm almost certainly gonna cry, so that should be fun! And after that, I'm gonna post a big long review of Revice maybe probably who knows!

[asmosmainhoe]

Can you write headcannons for this?

The brothers have been too busy to hang out with MC so they go to the purgatory hall and ends up spending the night cuddling with Solomon, and while all the brothers are freaking out trying to find MC Solomon sends a picture of them asleep on his chest with no context.

I’d love to see their reactions

All seven brothers would be great but if you don’t wanna could I get headcannons for Lucifer, Mammon, Satan, Beel, and Belphie?

MC spends the night with Solomon and doesn't tell the brothers

I had way too much fun with Mammon's part

Gender neutral MC

Warnings: cursing

Lucifer

Calm on the outside, but screaming on the inside

Tells his brothers to sit their asses down immediately and stop making such a fuss even though he wants to turn the entire house upside down more than anything to find you

Thinks about calling Diavolo, but 1) his pride refuses to get help and 2) he really doesn't wanna tell him about the fact that he lost one of the exchange students somewhere in hell

Imagine having to tell your boss that you lost a whole ass person

Then suddenly his phone bings and he looks at it, hoping that one of his brothers finally found your whereabouts

But no, it's just Solomon sending him a mere picture so nothing intere- back the fuck up

Is that you? Sleeping at the magician's side and cuddling?

Immediately goes to purgatory hall to get you back home and is careful to not wake you up while doing so

Of course he calls you in his office and confronts you about your disappearance

Honestly Lucifer's taken aback quite a bit by the fact that you did it because you felt lonely

He won't apologize for neglecting you, but will definitely make sure to give you more attention in the future

Mammon

OH BOY HE GOES APESHIT THE SECOND YOU DON'T RESPOND TO HIM CALLING OUT FOR YOU SO HE STARTS SCREAMING YOUR NAME MORE HYSTERICALLY

Storms into Lucifer's office and yells about how someone kidnapped you

By the time he's done explaining that you're missing, the entire Devildom probably heard about it thanks to his unholy screeching

Even his older brother's threats to hang him upside down if he wouldn't shut up couldn't make him...well shut up

Excuse me, have you seen my human? They're about this tall, clearly gay, but we haven't had the talk-

Finally calms down when he sees the picture Solomon sent him with you in his bed

Wait- you? Inside Solomon's bed? With Solomon in it? Mammon starts making a scene again

Unlike Lucifer he doesn't carry you back quietly, HE BARGES STRAIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE THEY DO IN THOSE CRIME SHOWS YOU KNOW FBI OPEN UP

The next day you're getting the scolding of your life like the time he told you that he's the only one who's allowed to safe you

Please don't think he's actually mad or anything, this man was so fucking worried and doesn't know how to handle this roller-coaster of emotions

Leviathan

Funny story hah he actually didn't even notice at all that you're missing

Found out about your disappearance through Mammon's concerned yelling a few rooms away from his

Stomps into the hall and demands to know wtf this fuss is all about, because he just wants to play his new game in peace and he can't do that if-

Oh shit MC's missing? Forget about the game, dude, we gotta find them

Blames his brothers for losing you and then his anxiety kicks in, because he starts blaming himself

Posts 749292871910 tweets on Devildomtwitter (or however that shit's called down there) about his search until Solomon texts him in the dm's

Levi's sin kicks in instantly and he becomes incredibly jealous

Quickly gets a hold of himself though, because thank the anime gods! You're safe!

Feels so fucking awful for not spending enough time with you SO HE MAKES IT UP WITH GAMING NIGHTS AND STUFF

Satan

Knows exactly that you're a grown ass person who can take care of themselves and you're probably out there somewhere probably buying stuff or so

But you're all alone and this is hell after all so he sends you a message just to be sure that you're doing fine

Gets really concerned once you don't answer his fifth text so he asks his brothers if they heard anything from you

One of them throws in a remark about how maybe you've been kidnapped and Satan just...like there's a dark, murderous aura surrounding him suddenly and a shadow over his face

"They wouldn't dare"

If someone's actually got the nerves to kidnap you out of all people then he'll make sure to live up to hell's and his reputation

Of course he's a lot calmer when Solomon's sends him the picture, but he still can't help to be angry the magician for not informing him sooner

Asmodeus

Makes a whole ass scene

Obviously he's not screeching and yelling like Mammon no one is, but he still turns the house upside down and puts his brothers into a high alert mode

Paces around the living room where they're all gathered and gestures frantically, demanding for an entire search party

Unintentionally sasses the brothers when they tell him to relax already

But how can you expect him to be calm in a situation like this one? You're the first thing he truly loves besides himself and now you're missing! Have some sympathy for fuck's sake!

Amso's full on crying after an hour or so and doesn't give two fucks about how smuched his makeup is by now

Let's out a relieved gasp and falls less gracefully onto the couch after he receives Solomon's text with a picture of you soundly asleep by his side

You're wrong if you think that he let's the magician off the hook

"You bitch! You could've told me they're with you sooner!"

Beelzebub

Doesn't straight up panic like some all of them just because you don't answer his texts

Thinks you're simply busy with something so he leaves it be, but decides to check up on you after some times

Huh you're not in your room? Searches the entire house and only then, after he still doesn't find you, he gets worried

Belphegor is the first one he asks for help and not gonna lie Beel is kinda lost

Gathers all of his brothers in the living room to discuss their next steps

Lots of stress eating

Maybe you're with a friend? Maybe you're at RAD studying for the upcoming test next week? Or maybe...

No, Beel refuses to think that something might have happened to you, because he can't bear the thought of losing another loved one, another member of his family

Unlike the others he let's you stay at Solomon's for the night, because he doesn't wanna risk waking you up. You deserve the peace

Poor boy's gonna be so heartbroken after you tell him that you left, because you felt lonely so whenever he gets the feeling that it's happening again he sits by your side and just eats

Even if you have nothing to talk about he's still there

Belphegor

Another one who doesn't notice your absence, because surprise! He's taking a nap in the attic!

Has to be woken up by Beel and it takes some time for him to comprehend what his brother is saying to him

Please bear with him, his brain can't function right after waking up

Groans annoyed, because of the incompetence of his brothers

Like how can you loose an entire person?

Unlike the others he actually has a functioning brain cell and messages the residents of purgatory hall

If you're not here then you obviously must be with them

Has a mini heart attack when Simeon and Luke tell him that they haven't seen you

Then Solomon, that ass, sends him a picture with you two cuddling

Also leaves you be, because you deserve a break from all the chaos and because he's maybe to lazy to carry you all the way back home

Just like Beel he just stays by your side whenever he feels like you're again getting lonely

Like he simply falls down onto the bed or couch next to you with a blanket and a pillow

---

Masterlist

[salemwritesxx]

𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠  |  ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [22, chubby, 194cm]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ summary: [Your.name] is a chubby and tall man, someone who definitely didn’t fit Japan’s beauty standards. Safe to say, he wasn’t the most confident. However, during one group date, it finally all changes when he meets someone who is certainly very interested in him.

↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: modern AU; self-deprecation; chubby, tall reader; reader’s “friends” being assholes to chubby reader; hawks and reader have a happy end tho; hawks is a simp for reader from the first minute on, ok?

part 2.

���☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“Come with us, they said. It will be fun, they said.”, you mumbled to yourself as you stood there. Awkward. Alone. Ignored. Too afraid the tiny bar stools would collapse underneath your big ass, hence why you chose to rather stand than sit.

Why did you let yourself get dragged into this group date? You wanted to say no in the beginning, but with your friends pestering you, you kind of agreed in the end. Though now, you knew all too well why you didn’t want to come.

As a chubby and very tall man, you weren’t the type that people, or rather, gay men, drooled over. At least you hadn’t had anyone show interest in you like that. Maybe it was because you were rather shy and thus not as loud as many of your fellow male friends, or you were the “wrong chubby”. Whatever it was, you were not attractive. Society made sure to tell you that at least once a day and sometimes those nice and kind people, not, were even going out of their way to tell you what a nuisance your were with your tall, fat ass taking up space. And in Japan, where everything was not really built to accommodate people like you, it was sometimes very hard to fit into things.

While you were sighing to yourself for the nth time and making sure to put yourself down as much as you could, you certainly didn’t realize how someone was always glancing at you. Hawks was one of the four gay men you and your friends had met today for said group date. Ever since he saw you, he had the urge to talk to you and get to know you. You were so tall and handsome and t h i c k. You could probably swing him around and break him like a toothpick. Just thinking about it made him grin.

However, it almost seemed like you had a shield around you he just couldn’t break through. He could guess why. Not only once had he seen people bullying the ones that didn’t fit the norm. Too fat, too skinny, too small, too tall – there was no end. People always found reasons to put others down. With how you stood there all alone, trying to make yourself as small as possible, Kei understood you tried to hide and you were uncomfortable. Even though you literally had nothing to hide. God, he wished he had met you sooner.

“Oiii Ta-ka-mi-san!”, his thoughts were rudely interrupted.

“What are you staring at Takami-san?”, then one of your friends, who was obviously interested in him, looked in the direction as well.

“Ah. [Your.name], huh? He’s like a car accident, right? You don’t wanna look but you also can’t really look away.”, your ‘friend’ laughed and Kei could have not been more disgusted by that behavior.

“God I wish I could just punch you, you fucking idiot!”, Keigo thought, furious and having to gulp down the anger.

Thus, he just smiled a little before he silently stood up to walk over to you, ignoring the calling of your ‘friend’. Instead, he got all nervous all of a sudden. Normally, he was the one being confessed to, not the one confessing or even initiating a conversation. Takami was used to people fawning over him, he was a rather successful model after all, hence why it was so hard to find someone who wasn’t just interested in him sexually or because of his money. And it did not help one bit that he found you so unbelievably attractive as well, his nervousness was at its peak.

“Hey. You’re… [Your.name], right?”, he tried to sound very casual as he leaned against the bar beside you. AND MY GOD, he was so tiny compared to you. He loved it. The way he had to look up so much.

You were rather surprised to get attention, especially from someone like Hawks. Like, he was so out of your league it was ridiculous to even think he would even BREATH besides you – yet there he was. Talking to you-

Oh. You knew what he wanted.

“Okay, look, let’s just skip all that polite small talk, the little laughs so we don’t feel awkward before you drop the question. Just tell me, which number do you want? Or should I just give you all three?”, you immediately cut to the chase. It had never been any different, so why would it be today? Especially when someone so sexy and pretty talked to you? Obviously he wanted someone from your much more handsome and well-trained friends.

Hawks was, however, rather surprised that THIS was your initial reaction to him talking to you. Though he could have not known how hard it would truly be to get to know you or get your number.

“Uhm… To be honest, your number alone would be quite sufficient.”, Keigo played it smooth. A handsome smile on his lips covered up his own nervousness – was he about to get rejected?

For a few seconds you stared at him, completely flabbergasted. Then you turned around and looked around… and looked around… and looked around some more until he finally asked, “Everything okay? You looking for an escape route?”

Keigo chuckled at the end, though he was not as calm as he pretended to be.

“No, I just…”, you then turned to him again, your brows furrowed, “… You can stop now, you know? Like, are you trying to prank me or…? Cameras anywhere? Like haha we got the fat guy. Look at him getting all flustered finally getting attention. Hahaha funny.”

At the end, you almost sounded a little angry, before you grabbed your drink and walked away from the bar. Saying Hawks was confused was an understatement. He just watched you for a moment as you walked away and squeezed into a lonely corner. God… How many people must have put you down for you to think he was pranking you?

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought.”

Running his hand through his hair, Kei had to calm down for a moment and reevaluate. Did you reject him because you genuinely weren’t interest or because you were self-conscious? Probably the latter. So… should he try again? Fuck yeah. As if he was going to give up so easily. He just needed you to know he really wasn’t pranking you, the rest… was up to Future-Keigo.

Clearing his throat and taking his drink, he then walked over to your corner. Standing in front of you he was so  s m o l. It would probably feel great hugging you.

“Okay that was rough. Listen, I really don’t wanna prank you or anything. Just… get to know you… ya know?”, this time he genuinely smiled a little, hoping you wouldn’t just reject him again.

Raising one brow, you were still rather suspicious. AS IF someone like Keigo would want to get to know you. Something was not right, you could feel it in every fiber of your big, chubby body. Then again.. maybe the only thing that you felt was the insecurities that held you back from getting to know someone who might genuinely be interested in you.

So, you gave yourself a little push.

“Yeah… I guess… I’m not really used to…. You know, how about we just start over?”

Keigo thought he had finally cracked you, giving himself a mental high five for being persistent. Thus, with a small smile he nodded and reached out his hand.

“Sure, nice to meet you, I’m Takami Keigo.”

“I’m [Your.name], nice to meet you.”, you finally smiled a little as well. Oof, his heart just jumped. Why was he so smitten already? He literally just met you. Keigo definitely wanted to get to know you more.

“So, how about we go take a seat over there? I could do with another drink.”, he said while pointing in the direction of a free table.

For a moment, you hesitated, though after a few seconds, you nodded, “Yeah, sounds nice.”

-

Without realizing it, hours went by as you and Hawks sometimes were the loudest ones laughing. Your friends just glancing over every so often, obviously jealous you had gotten the most handsome men of all of them today. But for the first time, you didn’t care what other’s thought as you and Kei just had … a connection.

Hence why, when he glanced down to his watch and sighed, you felt a little sad.

“I wish this night wouldn’t end. But I have a model job tomorrow and I only was a backup for someone so I didn’t even intend to have so much fun today. Time sure flies with you, [Your.name].”, he gave you one of his best smiles that made your throat dry and your knees weak.

“I… really enjoyed myself, too. Thank you. And sorry for acting like that in the beginning.”, you smiled apologetically and a little flustered. He found it very endearing.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Well…”, he then looked at his phone and stood up, “It’s 2 a.m. definitely missed the last train. I’m gonna make a quick call for a taxi.”

“Hm.”, you nodded and watched for a second as he went outside where it was a little quieter to call.

Looking between Hawks and your friends who were still partying with Keigo’s friend group, you wondered if you should bring him home. You were the driver, but… how often had your friends disappeared with someone without telling you? How often did you leave a party all by yourself? It was time to be a little selfish today.

So, you hastily stood up and walked outside the bar, watching as Keigo typed on his phone, ready to call.

“Uhm, Takami-san?”, you interrupted him.

“Hm?”, he was a little surprised.

“If you want.. I can drive you home. I brought my own car since I was planning on leaving earlier too and I only drank one cocktail right in the beginning and the rest was alcohol free stuff so… if you want?”, your voice became a little smaller by the end, not knowing if you were too eager. Was this okay?

“Really? That’s not a problem?”

“No! Not at all.”, you reassured him.

“That’s great! I only live like 20 minutes away if we take the car. Ahhh, you’re a life saver, [Your.name]! Thank you.”, Keigo beamed.

And so, you hopped into your car, the only place big enough for you, at least that’s what it felt like since you invested in a nice big one. Keigo was quite cute how he sat there in the big seat, being so small.

The drive to Hawks’ home was also filled with chatter and laughter, once again reassuring you both that you definitely had some sort of connection. And since he had been attracted to you before, it only gave him more reasons that he wanted to meet you again. Man… this could be the first time a group date turned out successfully – for the both of you!

When you parked in front of his apartment complex, Takami didn’t even want to go yet. Wishing that time would just stop, he sat there for a few seconds before turning to you.

“Thank you, [Your.name].”

“No problem, really!”

“You know, if it wasn’t that late I would have invited you to a coffee or another drink or something but alas…”

“It’s quite late…”, you almost said a little… saddened?

“Hm… It is… I’ll call you!” Hawks then said with a little bit of a grin, since you had exchanged phone numbers before.

“O-Okay.”, you didn’t know why you stuttered, it was just… really new.

“Oh, but you can call me too, yeah? Don’t be shy. Well, anyways.”, he jumped out of the car, turned one last time to grin at you, his golden eyes sparkling a little, making you even more flustered.

“Have a safe drive home and have a good night, [Your.name]!”

“Ah, you too, Takami-san!”

Then, you just watched as he walked up to his apartment complex. You didn’t know what suddenly got into you when you opened the door and jumped out, calling for him.

“Takami-san?!”, it was literally two in the morning, his poor neighbors.

Though Hawks immediately turned his head.

“I… really, really enjoyed myself today. Just… thank you.”

Oh my God, you were so cute. Such a gentle giant teddy bear, that’s what you were. Without thinking about it, Keigo rushed back, catching you a little off guard when he walked around the car.

“You know, I might be a little drunk, but fucking God – I want to kiss you SO. BAD. right now.”, Kei said without hold back. His golden eyes gleaming in the dark and his cheeks flushed, you didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or if he was blushing.

You, on the other hand, were very flustered, yet you barely whispered, “Maybe you should…”

Which only made Hawks giggle and raise his arms. An almost… seductive grin on his lips.

“Then you should help me out a little here, Handsome!”

Was he a bit drunk? Possibly. Was he overly flirtatious because he truly liked your personality and found you attractive and DEFINITELY wanted to meet you again?... Probably. But someone as straight-forward as Hawks was exactly who you needed because of your tendencies to overthink everything. Especially when it came to your weight and thus attractiveness. (Even though the one didn’t have anything to do with the other though not when it came to society.)  

And so, you accommodated him by leaning down. Takami himself standing on his tiptoes, thus, after he had hoped all night long, his lips finally met yours. His small arms wrapped around your big, broad shoulders and your big hand was placed on his lower back. That’s what he had wanted. And it really happened. To say Keigo was quite euphoric was an understatement. He was ecstatic, overjoyed, jubilant and so much more – and that from a little kiss. He surely fell quick and hard. Something he had never experienced before.

After a few moments of pure delight, you were the first to pull back, just to watch Kei bite his lip in such a sexy way it took all of your control to not grab him and pin him onto your car’s hood.

“Thank you.”, he just whispered, still with that grin on his lips, “I really enjoyed myself, too.”

Then, he let go and you did as well, this time really just watching when he turned around and walked into the apartment complex with one last wave. So you got back into your car as well, the last minutes replaying in your head over and over again.

With your hand covering your face, you had to hide your stupid, big grin. If all of that was just a dream, you didn’t want to wake up. Someone found YOU attractive. You had deemed yourself the most unattractive, undatable guy and that only because society had always told you that. But he didn’t care. He liked your “undatable, unattractive” body just the way it was. And not only that, after a rough start, you got along so well. You loved his little laughs, his beautiful eyes and those soft lips-

“God I have never felt like that before, what the fuuuck??”, you mumbled to yourself, still in disbelief that night even happened.

But as you drove away, you heard a little noise that came from your phone and as you looked up, you quickly scanned the text before looking back onto the streets – a wide smirk spreading across your face.

The message read.

“txet me wehn yruoe home so i konw yuore hmoe safe!”

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: let’s appreciate all shapes and sizes. being a short and rather stumpy man myself, ive been struggling a little with how i view myself ever since my relationship ended. ive been casually looking on apps but i think I am not ready for another relationship yet since my last one was rather messy. anyways. I know you shouldn’t rely on others to feel validated and loved but loving yourself is hard, bro so… yeah, its nice being desired for once, no? also this kinda makes me wanna write a part two but eh we’ll see!

part 2.

[soulmate-game]

OH MY GOSH YOU ARE SO GOOD AT WRITING! I NEED A PART 3 WITH KON AND JON PLEASE!!! 🥺🥺❤️ (Only if u wanna write it tho)

Lol. Sure, why not?

—*—*—*—*—*

“You know,” Tim drawled as he sipped his drink, smirking at his boyfriend across from him. “I think this is the best date you’ve taken me on so fa—“

At that, the door to the restaurant was kicked open. Instantly, Tim and Kon tensed and got ready to jump into action, only for them to both just gape at who, exactly, had just barged in. Said barger almost instantly zeroed in on them, marching over with hands on his hips.

“And how many dates has my traitorous brother taken you out on, Huh?” Jon asked petulantly. Kon didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, or run away while he had the chance.

“Uh,” Kon floundered, absolutely caught off guard. Not that that seemed to be a problem, because Jon just started up talking again, the whole restaurant looking at them;

“When were you gonna tell me that you’re GAY?!”

“Uh. Look, Jon, buddy,” Kon tried to save himself, but couldn’t quite come up with the words fast enough. Jon places a hand over his heart, looking for all the world as if he was truly heartbroken. Dramatic asshole.

“I thought we were FAMILY! How could you do this to me? The horror! The injustice of it all! My brother is GAY—“

“Jon, seriously, can we at least not do this in public?” Poor Kon was starting to look pale and twitchy, so Jon sped his act up.

“—and he doesn’t even tell his gay brother that he’s gay!” Everyone else in the restaurant, who had been filming this on their phones and nervously chattering about homophobia and if someone was gonna step in, suddenly went pin-drop silent.

“What.” Kon forgot about the beginnings of his terror, now completely dumbfounded. “Wait, you’re gay too?”

“Yeah! Which is why I’m angry!” Kon put his hands on his hips again. “Damian’s mom had to tell me that our dad is Bi, because I thought he was straight and was agonizing about how to come out to him! And she also told me the huge dramatic tale of an apparently ten-year-long love triangle between her, Damian’s dad, and our dad. It was nuts.”

Kon wrinkled his nose, Tim copying the expression. “Wait, our dads? Ewww.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jon nodded before continuing. “So I was mad at Dad, because he never told me he wasn’t straight! And I spent weeks agonizing over nothing because of it! And then Dad tells me that YOU’RE gay too?! The treachery! The mutiny! You copycat! You didn’t even have the DECENCY to tell your brother that you were GAY so that he didn’t have to worry about being the only non-straight in the family!”

“I didn’t know you were gay too! And I never even told Dad, how does he know?!”

“Apparently he knows everything!” Jon threw his hands up. “He’s the one who told me to crash your date today after the prank I pulled on him yesterday for not telling me he was bi!”

“HOW DID HE KNOW ABOUT OUR DATE?!”

“HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE THAT I’M GAY?!” Jon yelled right back. “I TOLD YOU I HAD A CRUSH ON DAMIAN YEARS AGO!”

“I THOUGHT YOU MEANT AS A FRIEND?!”

“OH MY GOD MY BROTHER IS DUMB!” Jon turned his attention to Tim. “YOU’RE SMART! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO RUB OFF ON HIM!”

Tim, who was half-sunk into his chair and only still watching this fiasco out of morbid fascination, just deadpanned at Jon and said; “There’s no cure for Stupid, your honor. He only has one braincell and it forgot how to multiply.”

“Hey!” Kon protested, slamming his hands on the table. “You’re my boyfriend! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I can’t help that I’m dating a punk himbo, Conner.”

“Graaaah!”

“And I’m dating Damian!”

Tim looked over, horrified. “I fully expected this, but also— is it voluntary? Do you need a way out?”

Jon rolled his eyes. “He’s sweet, shut up.”

“Oh my god he’s brainwashed you!” Tim was obviously just being dramatic (he loved his brother, regardless of how they didn’t often get along) so Jon ignored him and turned back to his own brother.

“Anyway, you must suck at this whole dating thing. I heard Tim say this was the best date you’ve taken him on and, full offense intended but,” he swept his arm around to indicate the restaurant. “This is a Wendy’s.”

“At least we’re not getting mugged this time though,” Kon said with a shrug.

“This is also only the third date in four years that he’s taken me on. I started all the others.”

“YOU’VE BEEN GAY FOR FOUR YEARS AND DIDN’T TELL ME?!”

—*—*—*—*—*

Later, Tim was at the Batcomputer and Marinette was handing him his first cup of coffee for the long night ahead. He looked down at his phone when it beeped, and let loose a tortured groan. Marinette just raised an eyebrow at her adopted son.

“Uh? Problems in paradise?” She asked when she saw that the sender was Kon’s contact in Tim’s phone. Tim groaned again.

“Not exactlyyyyy,” he hedged. “You told Jon that Clark is bi.”

Marinette blinked, having actually forgotten about that after Damian had showed her the video Jon had gotten of Clark. Then again, the video ended abruptly ... as if Jon had intentionally cut something out at the end.

“Jon was catastrophizing at the dinner table— oh yeah you weren’t there because you dragged Kon out for a date that night— anyway, he was having a crisis and I needed to get revenge on Clark for something. So yeah, I told him the whole story.”

“Well,” Tim growled. “Clark told Jon about Kon being gay. And somehow he knew exactly where and when we were having our date.”

Marinette caught on, unable to hide her large grin. “Oh nooooo,” she breathed. “What did he do?”

Tim grumbled and brought up the YouTube video of the whole interaction. Marinette damn near laughed herself into a coma over it, and it had already gotten over a million hits too.

“Oh my god,” Marinette had to catch her breath. “I didn’t realize Kon was just as much of a himbo as the other two of them! I thought he had to have more sense, I always thought that being a punk requires more than just the bare minimum level of intelligence.”

“Apparently not.”

“Wait,” Marinette seemed to realize something, putting her hand on her chin in sudden thought. “Wasn’t... didn’t Luthor make Kon the same year Jon was born? They’re technically the same age even though Kon is physically older, right?”

Tim’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god,” he breathed. “Luthor must have accidentally cloned Jon’s only braincell into Kon’s body,” he jokingly “realized”. “They are twin dumbasses!” He blinked, and held his phone up. “Oh shit, Jon covered Kon’s apartment completely in pride flags!”

[miraculousmaladys]

TFP If You Ship...

Ultra Magnus

I would also like to warn yall, I do roast the shit outta these ships and you. Some of y'all are nasty and need to be told/reminded, and some of you need to stay far the fuck away from me. Aight? Aight lets begin.

MagOp/OpMag/Magnimus/ Ultra Magnus x Optimus Prime: You pretentious bitch. You absolute fucking- I have no fucking words to describe how beige you are. You 're personality is plain oatmeal. Message me. I want to beat your ass. You prolly like them for the fact that they can relate to each other, and because of their importance to the war. But I hate you cause you also have more content. Fuck you. May your cereal turn soggy before you can eat that shit, may your drawing tablet get so hot in that one corner that you can fry bacon on that bitch. Fuck you.

MagMeg/Magatron(ew)/ Ultra Magnus x Megatron: you eat mayonnaise with a fucking spoon. Y'all saw that one scene with them on Darkmount and was just like "hm, but what if fuck?" and ran with it. You went to Ao3 expecting kinky shit, but all you got was stuff for IDW Megs and Mags and honestly baby, its gon' be okay.

Matchet/Ragus?/ Ultra Magnus x Ratchet: Yes we get it, the old man can dom now shut the fuck up. If taking your S/O to the nursing home as a date was a ship it'd be these old crotchety ass bitches. But, but, on a more serious note this ship can be so therapeutic for both mechs. These two were there way before the start of the war, they lived through it, and they knew Optimus all throughout. I imagine Ratchet would tell Magnus about Orion before his ascension to the primacy. I ain't ever been more depressed scrolling through a tag though, y'all broke bitches need whatever the fuck UltraScreen is having.

Magbee/Ultra Bumble/Ultra Magnus x Bee: I ain't ever seen two same heighted Cybertronians in a relationship, always one of'em gotta be spike suckin' height.

UltraJack/ Ultra Magnus x Wheeljack: Listen, listen, both these mechs love their solitary time and it can create so much angst, SO MUCH. Magnus feeling he must uphold his duties and Wheeljack having a mindset similar to a pirate. His spark belongs to the stars AND Magnus, but the stars will always come first. But bitch this is Ultra Magnus. We horny. We know Wheeljack is a fucking brat, and Ultra Magnus is his Dom.... baby we nasty. We nasty and there is no fucking denying that shit my GOD.

Ultrabulk/ Ultra Magnus x Bulkhead: Listen man as crazy as this might sound, I think this could work. Just like any other ship with Bulkhead you are fucking STRUGGLING though dude, you got like 5 fics you keep coming back to. You cry at night, knowing, and praying, that the gods will smile upon you and bless you with an update. You know you struggling when you only got three fics that have this ship as the focus. If y'all ban together I'm sure you can scrounge together like three pieces of fanart and a lint roller between the four of you.

UltraScream/ Ultra Magnus x Starscream: I don't see how anyone could hate this ship. Like, they literally work as really good foils to each other. You've got Magnus who is loyal as fuck, very militaristic??? And very much involved with the safety of his team. He's described as recklessly brave. Starscream on the other hand has a lot of character to work on and Magnus could help him along with that, and he can teach Magnus self preser- fucking-vation because Mr. "gets fucking chomped by a predacon for another bitchass Autobot" needs it. You're fuckass wants someone to save you, or you want to go absolutely apeshit. You are the mom friend everyone is worried about.

Ultracee/ Ultra Magnus x Arcee: Huh?? I mean like....Okaaaayy?? I mean good for you. This ship makes me feel the way that you feel when someone offers you candy you don't like, but you wouldn't mind eating it so you do. To be honest the people who ship this definitely see diamonds in places others wouldn't expect, but like you're so fucking unnessecary oh my god. Like you prolly add weird ass comments to other peoples statements, ain't nobody out here asking for an echo. Sit down.

UltraShock: ya like'em thicc don't you commanding officer Ultra Magnus? Anyway maybe y'all could team up with UltraBulk shippers and add a pile of used soda cans to the pile. Y'all are ghosts, do you even exist on this plane. My guesstimate on how many people actually ship this forreal is like 5.

Ultrawave/MagnusSound/Magnus x Soundwave: Listen if the Ultrabulk shippers are starving y'all ain't even corporeal. I show up to this ship with a fucking ghost talk box and some heat sensors, and like one boombox tryna see if GHOSTS even inhabit this bitch. Y'all aight? Are y'all good?? HELLO IN THERE (hello in there) (hello in there). Yall really go all out for the goth shit. Prolly hidin' in the shadows of my house waiting to strike.

Ultrascreen:

You, and I mean this in the most (derogatory) way possible, are a fucking

HOE

Literally looked on AO3 saw nearly NOTHING BUT kinky MF PORN. The oooonly plot y'all got is exactly how long Ultra Magnus can deny Smokescreen an overload. Why every time it comes to Magnus people make this by the books vanilla bitch the kinkiest one. YES I love subverting expectations but can I PLEASE get one fic where he sputters because his partner says a bad word. These two are the main ones who get this treatment, and baby I ain't complaining, but please. Please just- please sir I-I a-ah!

Ultradown: The UltraBulk, and UltraWave shippers come here every year, at the exact same location, at the exact same time, all for this ritual. The UltraWave shippers take out a boombox, some energon candies, and a supersized Cybertronian false spike. The UltraBulkers begin to sing the incantation to summon their fallen comrade: https://youtu.be/m9We2XsVZfc. They must do this once every year, they must battle the UltraDown shippers, though most would say they are a myth, the UltraShock and UltraWave shippers know better.

MagnusOut/KnockMagnusOut?/Ultra Knockout: Listen its not as horny as Smokescreen but the constant tension is definitely there. Knockout is just as horny as the depressed, RE-pressed ass Magnus fans and can you really blame him? Boyfriend? Dead. Magnus? kinky. Hotel? California.

/If I missed any let my gay ass know. Sorry if this ones lackluster, but some of these ships don't even really seem to have a fanbase?? Remember that these are TFP ships y'all.

Also I better see more Bulkhead content after this. Do you all have a problem with truly thicc bootyful babes or what?

[y0itsbri]

Hi Bri 🥰

C-16 if you'd like to 👀

Coffee dates and disasters

au with college!lip and barista!mandy where ian is a frequent visitor at the campus café and meets mickey under rather unfortunate circumstances. don't cry over spilled milk, buddy.

which also fits under a.u.gust for @gallavichthings

words: 2.4k

"never would have thought you the type to come to one of these places," ian mused, looking around the small café with only lamps and string lights illuminating the space. "can't believe college changed you, man," ian clutched at his heart dramatically.

"don't worry. 'm still the annoying bastard you love so dearly," lip squeezed ian's shoulder before he sauntered up to the counter.

the barista's bored expressed brightened when she saw them. her perky demeanor was matched by a high pitched voice, "hey lip," she smiled, dark lipstick striking. she appraised ian with a somewhat predatory eye, "hello, lip's friend."

"uh, brother," ian coughed.

lip rolled his eyes, "and he's gay so don't even try it, mandy."

she pouted and flicked her hair behind her shoulder, "not that it's any of your business, anyways."

ian chuckled besides him, drawing another smile out of mandy, this one kinder, sweeter.

"what can i get you boys?"

the pink highlights glistened in her dark hair as she whipped up lip's cold brew and ian's caramel macchiato, then proceeded to insist that this one is on the house. neither of them argued, but thanked her before they settled down in some stools by the window.

"fucking the barista privileges?" ian asked, raising his eyebrow at his slut of a brother.

"i think of it more like fellow south sider charity," he rubbed his bottom lip, "but yours works too," lip smirked around the edges of his coffee cup.

"you're an idiot."

"can a man who got us free drinks really be deemed an idiot?" lip philosophized.

ian paused, taking a moment of thorough consideration. he looked lip straight in the eyes as he answered, "if that man is you, then without a doubt."

lip tried to knock ian's cup out of his hand, but failed at his attempt. ian thanked his well-practiced jrotc skills and a lifetime experience of growing up in a house packed with annoying siblings for his victory.

they chatted about the robotics classes lip was taking, how he got full-time access to one of the labs, and his weird ass roommate who may or may not be gay if ian is at all interested. ian scrunched up his face. after hearing so many horror stories about the guy, ian didn't want anywhere near him. he wasn't that desperate yet.

the second that lip was out of his seat and heading to the bathroom, the beautiful mess that was mandy descended.

"hiiii lip's gay brother," she leaned against the table.

"it's ian," he spun his empty cup in his hands. he couldn't help himself from smiling at her charisma.

"well hi, ian, i just wanted to say sorry if i spooked you earlier. i just had no idea lip's brother would be so cute!"

"his ugly mug's not too hard to beat." ian laughed. "he got the short end of the gallagher stick, literally."

"cute and charming. you're funny, ian gallagher, i like you." she placed her hand on his shoulder for a moment, a movement so soft compared to her rather frantic appearance. "come back here anytime and it's on the house, yeah? i work most evenings after three."

"oh. uh- okay," ian scrambled for words, "thanks."

she squeezed his shoulder once before lip returned with a rather obnoxious entrance.

"ayo mands, stop harassing him!"

ian ducked his head in embarrassment.

"oh, shut up! i'm just clearing your cups," she winked at ian as she left.

mandy was something else. but she was kind and good company. ian could get used to the chill atmosphere over the chaos of the gallagher house anytime. he might just take up her offer.

--

"you'd think with all the time you spend here, you'd be offered a scholarship or something by now." mandy sipped on her chocolate frappuccino as she laid her feet across ian's lap. he always made sure to come visit during her breaks at least twice a week during the past couple months.

ian shrugged, "guess they only had room for one gallagher."

mandy hit his arm in a way that hurt. lip was fucked if he ever broke her heart.

"does fiona even know that this is where you sneak off to?"

"yeah." mandy's look said she didn't believe him. "well, kinda. she thinks i'm visiting lip, brotherly duties and all."

"yeah? how are those brotherly duties?"

"fuck if i know."

she laughed.

"i still think you should apply here for next fall," she encouraged, "could take some art classes."

"i suck at art."

"chemistry?"

"failed that."

"business?"

"yeah, no thanks."

mandy flipped him off, "fine. botany?

"ya know what? sure." he had always wanted to grow tomatoes.

"really?!"

"heart wants what it wants, mandy. we can't all be psychology brainiacs."

"brains and beauty, what can i say?" she teased. ian laughed, eyes glistening towards his friend. mandy made things better.

"hey," she continued, "there's this concert on the main campus lawn this weekend, you should totally come!"

"isn't that just for students?"

"they don't card, dummy."

"right, right, i knew that."

"sureeee. you in?"

ian mentally checked his work schedule.

"i'm in."

--

lip and ian strolled into the café a few days later. okay, maybe ian had felt a bit guilty for abandoning his brotherly duties lately, but at least this way he could hang out with both his best friends. well he could have if he remembered the fact that mandy had the day off for her behavioral neuroscience midterm. they had literally spent her previous shift reviewing the terms, he should have known.

ian's couldn't help his face from falling as another blonde barista took their orders, mostly eyeing lip the whole time.

"hi lip," she smiled a little too sincerely, "what can i get for you today?"

ian had ordered something new at the recommendation of the blonde and he was not a fan. and to make matters worse, he had to actually pay for the atrocity that he wouldn't even be able to finish.

"so how's your little coffee dates with mandy?" lip asked over his cup.

ian nearly choked on his god-awful americano. "how'd you know?"

"please. she's obsessed with you. every time i see her, it's 'ian this,' 'ian that,' 'ian might apply here in next year.'"

"oh."

"yeah, oh. when were you gonna tell me?!"

“it’s all mandy’s idea, i’m not even sure i want to,” ian muttered, refusing to make eye contact.

“dude, i’ve literally shared a room with you since the day you popped out of monica’s wretched womb, you think I can’t tell when you’re lying?”

okay maybe ian had been getting increasingly more excited about the idea of attending school and actually learning things that he wants to learn. something that might actually lead him somewhere real since rotc was looking more and more like a poor man's fantasy the more that he thought about it.

“I was gonna tell you, swear on it.” and he was. once he convinced himself that lip wasn't going to straight up laugh in his face. but the look in his eye seemed genuinely supportive.

“mhm, i gotta catch my english lit class," lip stood up, swinging his tattered tan backpack across one shoulder. he patted ian's shoulder in his big brother ways, "don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

“yeah, yeah for sure! have fun learning a language you already know!” lip flipped him off at his smartass remark.

soon after, ian stood up to return his drink to the counter, the anxiety from the conversation making him entirely lose whatever appetite he might have had. plus, it wasn’t the same here without lip or mandy. he just wanted to be wrapped up in a cocoon in his own bed. but that was so far away. maybe he could catch an early ride—

thump.

ian crashed into a guy’s sturdy body.

the remnants of his shitty drink spilled in an americano nightmare over both of them, ceramic pieces shattering on the floor in a truly horrific manner.

ian yipped and the other man let out a grunt of irritation.

they were fucking soaked. well, at least the coffee wasn't hot? ian tried justifying the situation, but, nah, this was bad.

"shit! i'm so sorry, lemme," ian reached out and the shorter man flinched away.

they were now far enough apart that ian got a good look at him. a leather jacket.. now covered in ian's drink -- shit. and shockingly piercing blue eyes that lingered too long on ian's before his cheeks turned a shade of pink that made ian's stomach flutter.

he might have seemed cold if he didn’t make ian feel so warm.

"it’s cool, man. i gotta go, uh," and he walked out of the café without looking back.

fuck.

ian smelled like coffee the entire train ride to the back of the yards. he laid in his bed regretting his entire life.

no mandy. no lip. no dignity.

--

the day of the concert that mandy had invited him to rolled around. ian wouldn’t admit it, but he was nervous to spend a coffee-less evening with mandy, their entire friendship built inside that one room. his little bubble of safety was bursting.

well, to be honest, the bubble had burst the moment that his disaster of a coffee was spilled onto one of the most ridiculously pretty guys that he's ever seen. every time he closed his eyes, he remembered the guy’s face shift from hostile to something else. he was torn between wanting to know the his name and also on never seeing him again in fear that he would simply pass away of embarrassment.

hopefully mandy hadn't heard about it. they may not have been friends for a long time, but he already knew that she would never let him live it down.

"hey ian!" her familiar voice called. that sounded promising.

his face fell with relief as he finally spotted her at the corner. she embraced him in a warm hug before pulling back and giving him a once over.

"huh, could have sworn you'd still have coffee behind your ear or something after the description karen gave me of your little disaster the other day." she smirked, quite literally double checking behind his ears as they turned hot under her gaze.

"ugh, fuck, how much did she tell you?" he itched his forehead and scrunched up his nose.

"oh, calm your tits, it's funny as fuck." she giggled, punching his arm in a way that still unintentionally hurt.

"whatever. are you excited for the concert tonight?"

their reunion conversation lulled eventually, and ian noticed that they weren't necessarily standing alone.

no. fucking. way.

just his luck, if he was being honest. he probably deserved this.

there he stood. the man that has plagued his dreams the past few days. in a light wash jean jacket that was a little tight on the biceps, leaning casually against the wall, kicking the pebbles on the ground with his boot.

"uh, what's he doing here?" ian gestured towards the victim of The Coffee Incident.

“what, you know him?” mandy asked, walking them towards him.

“vaguely.” if that wasn’t the understatement of the year.

"huh. i didn’t think my idiot brother had any friends."

brother? how did ian not realize she had a brother?

"what, did you think i was going to babysit you all night? i can't let everyone here thinking you're my boyfriend, no offense or whatever, but you're in good hands!" she kissed his cheek, clearly not helping her own not-looking-like-her-boyfriend rule.

ian eyed said brother's good hands only to see the faded letters of FUCK U-UP on them. oh.

mandy pushed ian over to her brother, "ian, mickey. mickey, ian," she introduced before pushing and shuffling her way through the crowd of college students to find herself someone’s cheap ass fruity alcohol to mooch off of.

mickey. ian's brain repeated over and over, a chime against the murmuring sea of voices they found themselves enveloped by.

"nice jacket," ian pointed out, an awkward attempt to converse before shoving his hands back in his pockets.

"it's my second favorite." the corners of his mouth lifted like there was more to the statement. ian took the bait, as if he could resist.

"what's your first?"

"first is still airing out the fuckin’ coffee smell," he smirked as ian groaned. "oh c’mon, man, don't go crying over spilled milk."

how could he not? on the bright side, he didn’t seemed to hate ian for it.

“if it was anyone else,” mickey drawled, “they’d have to get a beat down for it.”

“why do I get a free pass?” ian mused.

“well, you’re mandy’s friend, right?”

“yup,” ian tried to suppress his disappointment. he really did. but fiona always told him he wore his heart on his sleeve.

“yeah, that ain’t why, though,” his eyebrows waggled suggestively and ian nearly felt his heart drop out of his ass.

ian blessed whatever coffee god was out there for sending him both mandy and the beautiful man in front of him.

“you wanna go listen to the band?” ian nodded his head towards the stage with passionate players jumping around like they were playing lollapalooza or some shit.

“lead the way, stud, just try to keep your drinks off of me this time,” mickey knocked into ian’s own flannel covered shoulder.

yeah, ian couldn’t believe his luck. maybe karma was finally on his side.

—

mandy smirked at her brother and best friend not-so-subtly checking each other out over the course of the night, bopping their heads to the music and downing whatever free booze they could get their hands on.

she hoped that adding mickey to the equation would be enough incentive to convince ian to stick around. things were better when he was near.

the way that ian followed mickey around like a lost puppy with that dopey moon-eyed look, it seemed like her hopes would come true.

and when both ian and mickey strolled into the café to come visit her at work the next week, mickey in his worse-for-wear leather jacket and ian in borrowed denim, she thanks the coffee gods for her luck.

[coffeeshib]

Kara just really really wants to date Lena supercorp au?

“Date me,” Kara says.

“No,” Lena answers calmly.

Kara gasps, blinking fast, shocked by the nonchalant response. Lena merely looks at her tablet, her attention clearly divided. Her best friend sits cross-legged next to her on the couch, sweater and sweatpants and socks on, comfortable and relaxed.

“No? But—Lena, I’m cute and funny.” Kara scrunches her nose and squints at Lena’s tablet screen.

Lena pauses. “That’s true,” she says slowly, and finally looks at Kara. Lifting her hand up, she pushes Kara’s glasses back up on her nose using her index finger. Then, she only just returns her attention back to her tablet.

Alex squints at them from across the room. “Oh, great,” she groans, before standing up and taking her phone out of her pocket. “Where's Kelly?” she mumbles to herself as she leaves the living room, making her way to Lena’s balcony.

“Is that—wait, so is that a yes?”

“It’s a no, Kara. I only agreed with the cute & funny part,” Lena says, distracted.

“Lena.” Kara's mouth opens and closes, eyes blinking fast. “Wow, you don’t let a girl down easy. Sad girl down!”

“Well, get back up,” Lena quips. She strokes Kara’s knee, touch tender.

“I—what—?” Kara stammers, with wild eyes. Falling backwards on the couch, she stares at the ceiling. “I can’t believe you—is this how you usually respond when someone asks you out? So this is what rejection feels like.”

“Trust me, you’ll feel better after eating a plate full of potstickers.”

“Maybe.” Kara bites her bottom lip. Frowning, she sits back up and pokes Lena’s thigh. “But can I ask why not? I have abs, Lena.”

Lena wheezes. A few seconds later, Kara also shakes in silent laughter as well.

“Look,” Kara says, touches her glasses and licks her lips. She’s trying to keep a straight face on. “I’ll play with your hair everyday and give you lots of face kisses if you date me.”

“Well…” Setting the tablet down, Lena pretends to think about it.

Then, the balcony door opens and Alex shows up again, walking in. 

Lena shoots Alex a please help me look, but Alex pretends she doesn’t see it as she refills her glass of water. After that, she dashes out of the room so quickly she becomes a blur of red hair and black clothes.

Damn her.

Kara sees Lena’s face and pouts, taking her arms back. Lena whimpers, because the heaters aren’t on and it’s cold right now and Kara’s hands on her waist were keeping her warm, goddamnit.

Lena tries, and fails, to pull Kara’s arms back around her.

“Kara. Those arms, put them back where they came from—”

Kara does as told, and indulges her. “I have decided that this is the last time I’m going to cuddle you. I only cuddle people I date.”

“Lies.”

“It’s true.”

Lena breaks into a smile—or rather a smirk, really. “It’s not. Don’t threaten to deprive me of your warm hugs and cuddles.”

“Oh, Lena.” Kara sighs. “You see, I would pay so much more attention to you if you dated me. Your best friend who has abs. So, maybe date me?”

Lena considers it for a second, then wrinkles her nose. “I don’t think so.”

“Wha—” Kara stutters, offended. “I'll have you know I'm an excellent girlfriend. I'll bring you flowers and chocolate and give you nose kisses. You’re the perfect height to receive nose kisses from me.”

Lena only stares at her, the corners of her mouth twitching into something like a smile.

Then, someone laughs—loud.

They both look up to see Alex on the balcony with a ridiculous goofy smile on her face, phone next to her ear.

“Look at Alex. I want that. Did you know that Alex’s girlfriend takes her on a date every week, each Saturday, and has a special routine? Kelly gives Alex’s face ten kisses every night, all over her face. It’s relationship goals.”

Lena cracks a smile. “Gay.”

Kara nods solemnly. “Gay.”

“Women, huh, Kara.” Lena arches an eyebrow at her.

“Hush, Lena. I’m still coming to terms with it.”

Lena tilts her head, smiling amusedly. “Kara, you’ve been ‘coming to terms with it’ since… well, since you met me. I think you have it figured out by now.”

Kara shrugs. “I mean… I still don’t know for sure, Lena. See, I’ve never dated a woman before—”

“—What on earth are you talking about, you dated Lucy before she left National City—”

“—How do I truly know if I like women if I have never felt the warmth of a woman’s touch? I’ve walked my whole life confused, lost and scared, hidden from showing my true self to anyone—”

“—Kara, Eliza said “I know” when you came out to her—”

Kara sighs deeply, eyes wide. “How do I just know when I don’t even know how to hold a woman’s hand?”

Lena takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “And I thought I was the dramatic one. Darling, you astound me.”

Kara sighs, sad and dejected. “Lena, what was that quote about tiddies?”

“The what now?”

“From Sappho’s. I think it was something like ‘may you sleep on the breast of your delicate friend’? Yeah, it’s that. Oh to sleep on the breast of my delicate friend.” Kara cries. “That’s what I want, too.”

Lena falls down on Kara’s chest, laughter bubbling inside her chest and trying to squirm away. Kara doesn't let her, instead she just cackles along with her. Lena bites Kara on the neck, who doesn't even flinch, which, what the fuck—instead just shifts Lena back to sitting up and then dramatically sprawls out on her back even more.

“Date me, Lena,” Kara says. “Date me, date me, date me—”

“Kara.” Lena sighs, squeezing Kara’s hand. “I am not going to date you. You would spend more time at the gym than you would with me.” She pokes her abs.

“Oh, no.” Kara sniffs. “But you like and enjoy how strong I am. Don't think I don't notice how flustered you get when I pick you up or hold you in my arms.”

Lena looks faintly pink. “That's none of your business,” she says calmly. “I like muscles, you're not special.” Kara only just now notices Lena’s wrinkled sweater from the earlier actions, and starts smoothing them.

“You look nice. You look really good in my clothes.”

Lena sits still as Kara fixes her up, keeping a poker face even when Kara tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“I look good in everything.”

“But my clothes are simply the best.” Then, Kara gasps. “Yet another reason you should date me.”

Lena sighs, shifting her weight around in Kara’s lap. It’s quiet for a bit, eyes on each other as they listen to Alex talking outside.

Kara takes the opportunity to cup Lena’s face. When Lena doesn’t move, just stays still in Kara’s lap, Kara gives Lena a kiss on the cheek.

Lena pulls back.

“Kara! What was that.” Lena raises an eyebrow, incredulous. Her hands slip under Kara’s shirt, palm on her abs.

“I'm trying to seduce you,” Kara says, trying to keep a straight face, and stops Lena’s wandering hands underneath her shirt.

“It isn't working.”

“Darn.”

Lena nods. “You need to work on your skill.”

“Yes, well… that's not exactly what the last person I had sex with said.”

Lena frowns. “Wait, what? When did you have sex with someone?”

“Hmm. Just yesterday, some woman from a friend’s birthday party. She was lovely. Pretty, too. Why, you jealous?”

Lena scoffs. “No,” she says. Kara pokes her cheek.

“Aw, jealous baby,” Kara coos. “How can you be jealous when you’re not even dating me?”

“I’m not jealous,” Lena insists. “I know what you taste like. I know how you are, and I’m very sure I’m not missing out on much.”

“Oh, really now.” Kara breathes a laugh. “I made you cry the last time we hooked up! You were begging so much—Kara, Kara, please! Kara please, want you to touch me, fuck me now, don’t stop, please, please—”

Lena lets out a strangled noise and quickly quiets Kara, squishing her palm against Kara’s mouth. After a moment, when Kara shows no sign of talking anymore, Lena hesitantly takes her hand off Kara’s mouth.

“So, it’s really a big no on dating me, huh.”

Lena pauses, biting her lip.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Amazing,” Kara whispers. “Lena, are we still pretending it wasn't you that I danced & flirted with at Kelly’s birthday party? I even guided you all the way back to your bed. It's been one whole day since you've last gotten—well, um. You know. Are you okay? How are you surviving?”

“I’m thriving.” Lena breathes out. “I’m living my best life. Been doing some soul searching, too. Finding myself.”

Kara wheezes.

“If you really want to date me,” Lena says, seriously, “you would make me some tea and let me do my work peacefully.”

Kara turns incredulous. “But Lena, I can't move.” She cries. “You’re in my lap, snuggled toasty warm against me and feeling me up. You get up!”

Lena slumps down until Kara’s back hits the couch and Lena’s lying completely on Kara. Kara immediately hugs her with her toned arms. 

“No,” Lena says. “I’m cold, warm me up.”

“Ice block human,” Kara whispers. “Date me.”

“No,” Lena says, groaning right into Kara’s ear. She tucks her face into Kara’s neck, her lips touching the skin there. “No, for the last time. I will not date you, Kara Danvers.”

“Golly—that’s not even my full name. How many times can you break a woman's heart today? Aren’t you quite the heartbreaker.”

Lena only makes a muffled sound against her neck.

“No more straps. I’m never giving you some ever again,” Kara decides.

“But I like it when you use the strap. Why not?”

Kara scoffs. “I meant the sour straps. Lollies—my snacks in the cupboards. But since you brought that up, I mean that, too.”

“Wait, are you serious?” Lena pulls herself away, now sitting on Kara’s thighs.

“Dead serious. I’m cute, funny, and I have abs. And as you already know, my strap game is rather incredible. Ask yourself if you deserve the hot package.”

Lena sighs, looking like she’s really considering it. “Kara.”

“I’m a hot item.”

“Come on now, Kara…”

Kara sighs and turns her head to the side, dramatically.

Lena shakes her head. “This doesn’t need to be complicated.”

Kara frowns. “Oh, I see it now. All this time, the only reason why you like me is because of my strap game. I should have known.”

“Oh my god.”

Kara fake sniffs. “No matter, Lena. You’re my favourite person. I still love you, even knowing this.”

Lena mock slaps her on the shoulder, turning it into a gentle hand when it moves up on Kara’s cheek.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? And pretty, too,” Lena murmurs. Kara takes Lena’s hand off her cheek and presses a kiss to the palm, eyes never leaving Lena’s. Lena’s cheeks darken with colour.

“You’re prettier.”

Lena swallows. “Kara, I—”

“I can’t take this any longer.” Alex opens the door loudly and stomps her way inside. “Can you two stop fucking flirting for one goddamn minute?”

“Alex, I have no idea what you're talking about,” Lena states, blinking. “Kara, darling, could you please remove your hand from my boob?”

Kara gives Lena’s boob a soft squeeze, her other hand cupping bare skin from where she's slipped her hand underneath Lena's sweater.

“I don’t want to.”

“Okay, then.”

“Oh my god,” Alex says, covering her face with her hands. “I want to go home. I need to go—now. I got what I wanted a while ago.”

“Love you, Alex. You are more than welcome to,” Kara tells her. “You’ve been here in Lena’s penthouse long enough.”

“What—you talk as if you haven’t been here all day, too.” Lena frowns.

“It’s the weekend—no work, no other stuff. What’s wrong with spending my free time with my best friend?” Kara says, cupping Lena’s face lovingly.

Lena smiles. “You’re sweet.”

Alex stares at them, horrified. “Wow, it’s like… it’s like listening to highschoolers on a first date!”

“Um, but we aren't dating, Alex,” Kara reminds her sister gently.

“No, no, you're right, Kara. You aren't dating,” Alex agrees, and takes a deep, deep breath. “You're fucking married,” she hisses, wild-eyed. “I was the goddamn maid of honour at your wedding. You live here and you co-parent a cat with Lena. You've been married for like, three years now. Which makes your strange, awful flirting so much worse, Kara Danvers-Luthor!"

Kara and Lena only look at each other, snickering.

———

(not-so?) SURPRISE THEY’RE MARRIED