#Health Issues Problem in Kitchener

[kedreeva]

Hi Ked! Having chickens when I finally get my own place has been something I've wanted for a while (am currently putting it on hold despite in the near future acquiring said own place due to H5N1). However, I have become a little enamored of quail recently in comparison. My goal would be to have eggs and fluffy yard buddies, do you recommend either one over the other?

If you want birds that can free roam your yard, it can't be quail. They are game birds, like pheasants, and will just leave (or get immediately eaten by.... everything, but especially hawks and domestic cats.

If you don't mind having them contained, then 100% quail are a better option right now.

Quail don't take up nearly the same space; an average sized quail tower takes up approximately a 2x3 foot space, and depending on how many levels you have and how densely you populate them can hold anywhere from 15-40 quail. That amount of space cannot even house 1 chicken long term.

Quail are not NEARLY the same initial investment; on average people end up investing around $200-500 in quail equipment/caging/birds depending on how into it you want to get, and $2k+ in appropriate chicken equipment/caging/birds. These costs can vary greatly depending on how handy you are and what connections you have to acquire scrap materials, or how fancy you want to get.

Since quail are not kept on raw ground, they have MUCH fewer health problems on average- they rarely get parasites, they rarely pick up bacterial infections, they rarely pick up anything viral (and if their caging is kept in a more enclosed/covered space there is almost no chance of them picking up HPAI). Since they're contained, there's not very much chance for them to injure themselves (although like any bird, if there's a way they have the will to find it).

Their eggs are more nutritionally dense than chickens. You can compare nutrition per gram anywhere online.

They're (in my experience) more consistent layers than chickens; give them light and feed, and they will lay daily year round, only taking a break to molt in the fall.

Quail's full lifespan is shorter than chickens. This may seem like a downside, but the productive years for a chicken are generally 2-5 years, with a lifespan that should be 7-12 years. Quail have the same 2 years of production, but on average only live 3-5 years, so even if you don't want to butcher the spent hens (which most people do), you aren't caring for nonproductive birds for many years.

Quail are easy to butcher at home with almost no equipment- all you need is a hefty, sharp pair of kitchen shears, a 5g bucket (with or without a liner), and some ice water in a big bowl. No plucking, no scalding, no killing cones, nothing special for cleaning. They can be packed for freezing whole in vacuum sealed sleeves.

If you get or build rollout cages, the eggs gently roll to the front of the cage and "out" into the tray, where they can be picked up clean!

If you get or build wire-bottom cages, you don't technically have to buy bedding. Cost efficient! You can provide resting boards or have solid-bottom portions of the cage, and giving them a sand bath bin will be REALLY exciting for them.

Coturnix quail come in such a huge variety of color and patterns that you can surely find some type you like.

Both species can come with aggression issues- it takes FAR less time to breed it out of quail because they hit breeding age in a matter of weeks, not months.

The downside to quail is that most coturnix quail are not terribly cuddly. you might be able to imprint one (I did once, because my pigeons hatched him and then didn't like that, so I took Robert in), but the majority will just be cute look-don't-touch birds. They are FASCINATING to watch though, so it works out imo.

the downside to both species is. the roosters crow. terrible noises in both cases. I couldn't handle chicken roosters.

Anyway, I think that in all honesty, when MOST people are considering getting into chickens, what they ACTUALLY want is the experience of having quail. Small, cute, easy to handle/raise, genetic manipulation through generations of selective breeding easy to hatch, cute eggies. There's a LOT of people getting into chickens right now because they think it will be a solution to the expensive eggs in the supermarket, but it won't be. They'll end up spending more on the chickens than they ever would have on just getting eggs, and throw a stone in a chicken group on fb and you'll hit 17 people who have had horrific health issues related to parasites, illness, injury, predation, etc.

Meanwhile.... quail groups are largely chill and questions are usually about colors and feed/housing (since most of the problems are bad feeding habits or caging, or genetic issues).

[reasonsforhope]

Article | Paywall-Free

"The Environmental Protection Agency finalized a rule Tuesday [October 8, 2024] requiring water utilities to replace all lead pipes within a decade, a move aimed at eliminating a toxic threat that continues to affect tens of thousands of American children each year.

The move, which also tightens the amount of lead allowed in the nation’s drinking water, comes nearly 40 years after Congress determined that lead pipes posed a serious risk to public health and banned them in new construction.

Research has shown that lead, a toxic contaminant that seeps from pipes into the drinking water supply, can cause irreversible developmental delays, difficulty learning and behavioral problems among children. In adults, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, lead exposure can cause increased blood pressure, heart disease, decreased kidney function and cancer.

But replacing the lead pipes that deliver water to millions of U.S. homes will cost tens of billions of dollars, and the push to eradicate them only gathered momentum after a water crisis in Flint, Mich., a decade ago exposed the extent to which children remain vulnerable to lead poisoning through tap water...

The groundbreaking regulation, called the Lead and Copper Rule Improvements, will establish a national inventory of lead service lines and require that utilities take more aggressive action to remove lead pipes on homeowners’ private property. It also lowers the level of lead contamination that will trigger government enforcement from 15 parts per billion (ppb) to 10 ppb.

The rule also establishes the first-ever national requirement to test for lead in schools that rely on water from public utilities. It mandates thatwater systems screen all elementary and child-care facilities, where those who are the most vulnerable to lead’s effects — young children — are enrolled, and that they offer testing to middle and high schools.

The White House estimates that more than 9 million homes across the country are still supplied by lead pipelines, which are the leading source of lead contamination through drinking water. The EPA has projected that replacing all of them could cost at least $45 billion.

Lead pipes were initially installed in cities decades ago because they were cheaper and more malleable, but the heavy metal can wear down and corrode over time. President Joe Biden has made replacing them one of his top environmental priorities, securing $15 billion to give states over five years through the bipartisan infrastructure law and vowing to rid the country of lead pipes by 2031. The administration has spent $9 billion so far — enough to replace up to 1.7 million lead pipes, the administration said.

On Tuesday, the administration said it was providing an additional $2.6 billion in funding for pipe replacement. Over 367,000 lead pipes have been replaced nationwide since Biden took office, according to White House officials, affecting nearly 1 million people...

Environmental advocates said that former president Donald Trump, who issued much more modest revisions to the lead and copper rule just days before Biden took office, would have a hard time reversing the new standards.

Erik Olson, the senior strategic director for health at the Natural Resources Defense Council, said that the Safe Drinking Water Act has provisions prohibiting weakening the health protections of existing standards...

Olson added that the rule “represents a major victory for public health” and will protect millions of people “whose health is threatened every time they fill a glass from the kitchen sink contaminated by lead.”

“While the rule is imperfect and we still have more to do, this is by far the biggest step towards eliminating lead in tap water in over three decades,” he said."

-via The Washington Post, October 8, 2024

[ms-demeanor]

You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?

This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.

Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.

I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.

I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?

I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."

For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.

(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )

But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.

There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?

Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.

If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.

(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)

Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.

For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:

That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)

Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.

Talk about this shit

Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.

Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."

Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.

Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.

Reduce friction for cleaning

Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:

Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.

Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)

Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).

This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:

Create Dump Zones

One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.

We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.

HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.

A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.

Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."

I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.

AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:

Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)

Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.

Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.

To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.

Landing Zones

Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.

To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.

I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.

Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.

Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.

Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).

People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.

If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.

It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.

It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?

IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?

anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.

[sixeyesonathiel]

a guide to ditching the world’s most persistent nerd!

CH02 – the psychology of making gojo satoru fold

pairing - nerd!gojo x baddie!reader

summary : gojo satoru has been the bane of your existence since kindergarten. you invited him to play during recess? he chose studying instead. you tried to give him chocolates? he rejected them for the sake of your dental health. you called him boring and never looked back.

years later, you’re a party girl with daddy issues, and he's the smartest, richest, greenest green flag at your elite university. when you're paired up for a project worth 60% of your final grade, you think you can slack off—except gojo keeps finding you at every exclusive club, dragging you back to work like the menace he is.

you flirt to distract him, he humors you. you push, he pulls. you seduce, he tucks your hair behind your ear and looks at you like you're the most precious thing in the world.

oh no.

tags -> modern au, university au, tooth rooting fluff with a side of light angst, unresolved romantic tension, suggestive themes, gojo satoru is a green flag menace, reader has issues, power struggles but gojo is unaware he's in one, forced proximity via group project, reader tries to ditch gojo satoru and fails spectacularly, pining disguised as irritation, rich kids and their rich kid problems, the art of denial, humor (i hope), eventual happy ending

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chapter summary : step two in ditching the world’s most persistent nerd: don't let him drag you out of a party. don't let him make you do actual work. and absolutely do not, under any circumstances, fall asleep.

the elevator ride up is quiet, save for the soft hum of the city outside and the distant mechanical whir of the lift ascending. your head still feels light from the alcohol, but your steps remain steady, heels clicking against the pristine marble floor when the doors finally slide open. the moment you step inside his condominium, you’re hit with the undeniable scent of wealth—sleek furniture, dim lighting, and a view so expansive it looks unreal. figures. you slip his knitted jacket off and toss it onto the nearest chair, stretching lazily, the hem of your dress riding up just enough to tease. “not bad,” you remark, eyeing the extravagant space. then, with a smirk, “where do you keep the bodies?”

satoru doesn’t even blink, already unbothered as he loosens his collar and drags a hand through his snow-white hair. “depends,” he muses, voice smooth. “you planning to add to the collection?” his eyes flicker over to you—assessing, knowing—but he doesn’t entertain the game, simply gesturing toward his study before walking toward the kitchen. annoying. you roll your eyes, but your gaze lingers on the door he motioned to, curiosity piqued. you strut past him, hips swaying just slightly, the party dress hugging your figure, knowing full well how much skin you’re showing. but he doesn’t bite. doesn’t even look twice. even more annoying.

the second he’s out of sight, you do what any respectable person would do: snoop. the study is almost too neat, shelves lined with thick business books, economic journals, and textbooks with titles long enough to put you to sleep. you run a finger along the pristine desk, noting how not even a speck of dust dares to settle here. no secret safes, no love letters, no hidden scandals—just papers, numbers, and more numbers. you grab a random notebook, flipping through. first page: a financial breakdown of some high-end luxury brand. second page: risk assessment models. third page: an obnoxiously perfect forecast analysis, complete with color-coded graphs. of course.

you throw your head back with a groan, dramatically collapsing into his chair. "even his handwriting is perfect,” you mutter, dragging a hand down your face. the numbers blur together, boredom setting in fast, but before you can dig any deeper, footsteps approach. by the time satoru returns, electrolyte drink in hand, you’re already leaning against the desk, flipping through one of his books with all the enthusiasm of a dying flower. you don’t bother looking up. “so this is what you do in your free time?” you deadpan, voice flat. “thrilling.”

he quirks a brow, setting the bottle down beside you. “what, expecting something more exciting?” his voice carries amusement, as if he already knows your answer. you wave a lazy hand, flipping another page. “i dunno. secret stocks, offshore accounts, blackmail files—something shady.” satoru snorts, shaking his head. “do i look like a criminal mastermind to you?” his tone is teasing, but there’s something in the way he leans against the desk, casual yet calculating, that makes you tilt your head. you examine him—his ridiculous glasses, his perfectly pressed shirt, the smug way he watches you. “honestly?” you hum, “kinda.”

he makes a thoughtful sound, like he’s considering it. “if i were, you’d be the first person i’d test my tactics on.” the statement is lighthearted, but something in his tone makes your skin prickle. your eyes narrow. “that sounds like a threat.” he grins, slow and easy, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “then you better behave.”

you don’t glorify him with a response. instead, you watch as he moves to the large table in the center of the room, pulling out his notes and flipping through them with practiced ease. the overhead lights cast a soft glow over the sleek wood, papers neatly stacked, his laptop booting up with an efficient ding. he drops a second laptop in front of you, then slides his notes across the table without so much as a glance your way. “you type, i analyze.” it’s not a request—it’s an order. you cross your arms, unimpressed, but tilt your head anyway, lips curving into a pout. “you don’t want me to think?”

satoru barely gives you a glance, adjusting his glasses with a single flick of his fingers. “i don’t want you to delete all my hard work out of spite.” his voice is flat, but there’s the smallest twitch at the corner of his lips, like he’s expecting you to argue. you click your tongue, feigning deep offense as you place a hand over your heart. “i’d never.” but the second your fingers graze the keyboard, you realize something far more tragic—you actually hate this. your eyes skim the numbers, the figures, the graphs, and already, your patience begins to thin. numbers are boring. so boring.

your fingers slow, trailing lazily over the keys, and then you sigh, pushing your chair back just enough to stretch. “you know, satoru,” you purr, letting your voice dip just enough to be interesting, “i focus better with some positive reinforcement.” your arms press together as you lean forward, showing just the right amount of skin, a slow, practiced motion. your lips curve at the edges, testing, teasing. his response? a hum, low and absentminded, as he continues scanning his notes. “you want a sticker?” he muses. “gold star?”

you roll your eyes, shifting in your seat, letting the movement be slow, deliberate. the silky strap of your dress slips down the curve of your shoulder, barely-there fabric gliding against your skin, baring just enough to invite a second glance. the dim lighting of the room does you favors—casting warm shadows against your collarbone, catching the glint of your earrings as you tilt your head, exposing the delicate line of your throat. your lashes lower, gaze lidded, lips parting just slightly as you murmur, voice dipped in something softer, something sweeter. “maybe something more… personal?” it’s a challenge, subtle but clear, one that lingers in the air between you, waiting to be acknowledged.

and satoru, for the first time tonight, actually looks.

not a passing glance, not an absentminded flicker of his gaze—he looks. lifts his head, eyes tracing the lines of you, assessing, lingering just long enough for your skin to prickle under the weight of it. there’s no shift, no subtle hitch in his breath, no betraying sign of discomfort. instead, there’s only scrutiny, razor-sharp and deeply amused, like he’s already five steps ahead of you. his lips twitch at the edges, an almost-smirk, his head tilting just slightly. “oh, so this is your strategy.”

you lean in, slow, predatory, the air between you thinning, charged with something unspoken. your smile is practiced, effortless, dipping into something dangerously close to a smirk. “is it working?” your voice is silk and smoke, laced with honey, designed to pull—to draw him in, to tip the scales in your favor. your fingers toy with the hem of your dress absentmindedly, your posture relaxed, calculated. and for just a moment—a fleeting second—you swear you see something shift behind his eyes, something thoughtful, something unreadable—

but then, effortlessly, like it’s nothing, he reaches out.

his fingers are light, the briefest brush of warmth against your skin as he catches the fallen strap between two fingers, lifting it with infuriating ease. he doesn’t let it linger, doesn’t let the moment stretch—just sets it back into place with the casual indifference of someone fixing a crooked picture frame. your breath catches despite yourself, but he’s already leaning back, settling into his chair with all the ease in the world.

you blink.

he smirks. relaxed, arrogant, unbothered, as if the entire thing had been boring, as if you hadn’t been trying to test him, as if he hadn’t just won without breaking a sweat. “try actually doing your job.”

you huff, shifting in your seat, fingers stilling on the keyboard just long enough to glare at him. “you’re the worst kind of man,” you mutter, just loud enough for him to hear, just pointed enough to make sure he knows you mean it. but despite your grumbling, you actually start typing, the steady rhythm of keystrokes filling the space between you. every few minutes, you let out a dramatic sigh, just to remind him of your suffering, stretching your arms above your head like some long-suffering martyr. satoru doesn’t react, at least not visibly, but his eyes flicker to you on occasion, tracking the shift in your posture. the slow slump of your shoulders, the way your blinks drag longer than they should, the increasing frequency of your typos.

he says nothing at first, just watches, turning another page in his notes. but when your fingers finally still, hovering uselessly over the keyboard, he exhales, tapping his knuckles against the table to get your attention. “you can take a nap if you want.” his voice is casual, almost dismissive, like he’s not actually offering you a kindness. immediate whiplash. you snap upright, scoffing, eyes sharp despite the heavy weight of exhaustion settling behind them. “oh, now you’re concerned?” you bite, arms crossing over your chest. “this wouldn’t even be happening if you hadn’t dragged me here like some kind of corporate kidnapper.”

satoru, ever unbothered, merely turns another page. “right. so sleep.”

you narrow your eyes, stubborn. “i can do this.”

he hums, noncommittal, but doesn’t argue. he doesn’t have to. you last exactly ten more minutes before your head drops onto the table, your head barely missing the laptop, the weight of exhaustion finally pulling you under. satoru exhales, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he stares at you, completely knocked out, mouth slightly parted, cheek smushed against the table. he doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just looks, and then, inevitably, enters problem-solving mode.

probability analysis: optimal course of action for relocating a girl who hates your guts.

satoru sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looks at you—sprawled over the table like a dead battery, completely motionless except for the slow rise and fall of your shoulders. honestly, he should just leave you here. it would be the logical thing to do. but then he notices the slight shiver in your exposed skin, the way your fingers twitch minutely in your sleep, and—ugh. now he has to do something about it.

but what’s the most efficient course of action?

option 1: leaving you here

probability of you catching a cold due to exposure to air conditioning (21°C)? 38.7%. not immediately life-threatening, but given your already questionable eating and sleeping habits as per his own observation, it wouldn’t take much to push your immune system over the edge.

probability of you waking up with a stiff neck and blaming him for it? 97.2%. unacceptable.

probability of you waking up at all within the next few hours? 11.5%. this is dangerous. you sleep too deeply. concerning.

additional factor: you’re drooling. on his notes.

verdict: completely out of the question.

option 2: waking you up

probability of you responding like a rational human being? 0.0000001%. nearly nonexistent.

probability of grumbling, whining, or attempting physical violence? 94.6%.

probability of you launching a verbal attack about how this is somehow his fault? 88.3%.

probability of you remembering any of this in the morning and making it a dramatic ordeal? 101%. impressive.

additional factor: the potential of you waking up, seeing him, and immediately assuming the worst? concerningly high.

verdict: more trouble than it’s worth.

option 3: moving you to the couch

effort required: minimal (6-7 seconds).

probability of successfully transporting you without waking you up? 60%.

probability of you waking up and accusing him of god knows what? 35.8%.

probability of you flipping out upon finding yourself on the couch? 85.2%.

additional factor: couch is leather. you would whine about it being cold. and knowing you, you’d twist yourself into a pretzel in your sleep and fall off.

verdict: not worth the headache.

option 4: carrying you to the guest room

effort required: practically none. you weigh nothing. ridiculous, really. concerning.

estimated time of execution: 10-12 seconds.

probability of you waking up mid-transport: 22.4%.

probability of you immediately falling back asleep if woken up: 73.9%.

probability of you waking up in the guest room, realizing what happened, and dramatically accusing him of being unable to resist your charm? 91.5%. but at least he could deny everything with hard evidence.

additional factor: easier to tuck you in here than risk you rolling off the couch.

verdict: most optimal choice.

option 5: covering you with a blanket and leaving you here

effort required: none.

probability of you waking up cold and making it his problem? 75%.

probability of you stealing his jacket and getting makeup all over it? 89.6%.

probability of this leading to a future argument? 100%.

additional factor: you have a habit of curling into yourself when cold. if he leaves you here, you’d probably wake up in the fetal position, limbs stiff, and find a way to blame him for it.

verdict: not happening.

final calculation: the weighted decision matrix indicates the optimal course of action is… carrying you to the guest room.

execution begins.

satoru sighs, shaking his head as he moves closer to you. “why am i like this?” he mutters, already knowing the answer. bending down, he hooks an arm under your knees and the other around your back, lifting you with zero difficulty. you barely weigh more than the blankets he’s about to tuck you into. he knew your eating habits were terrible, but this is absurd.

as long as you stay asleep, this will go smoothly.

…your arm immediately flops around his neck.

his entire body tenses, lips pressing into a thin line as your fingers curl weakly into his shirt. the warmth of your breath against his collarbone is deeply alarming.

“tch. recalculating.”

too late. mission must continue.

with the efficiency of a man who has spent way too much time overanalyzing a simple task, he makes his way to the guest room. carefully—so carefully—he lowers you onto the bed, tucking the blanket around you with precise, measured movements. then, stepping back, he exhales in satisfaction.

problem solved.

morning comes. you wake up warm. comfortable. rested. suspiciously well-rested. the sheets beneath you are soft, undeniably high-quality, the kind that probably costs more than your entire monthly expenses. the air smells faintly of something expensive—clean linen, hints of cologne, a lingering trace of him. your body sinks into the mattress just right, and that’s when your brain finally catches up.

your eyes snap open. the ceiling above you is unfamiliar—modern, sleek, and definitely not your bedroom. realization creeps in like a slow-moving storm, your lips curling before you can stop yourself. oh? oh??? ohhhhhhhh. your gaze flickers to the mirror across the room, catching the reflection of a disheveled but well-rested woman wrapped in high-thread-count blankets.

slowly, dramatically, you sit up, clutching the fabric to your chest. “oh, he couldn’t resist me after all,” you murmur, eyes twinkling with mischief. because really, why else would you be in a bed? satoru—stoic, impossible, insufferable satoru—must have finally caved. your five-year-old self, the one who was once slighted by a certain white-haired menace and his damned carrot, would be avenged. an evil little giggle bubbles up, uncontainable, utterly victorious.

“...the hell are you doing?”

your head snaps toward the voice, and there he is. satoru, standing by the doorway, arms crossed, one eyebrow raised in blatant suspicion. his hair is still slightly messy from sleep, glasses missing, and yet he still has the audacity to look so effortlessly put together. his stare is unreadable, the perfect mix of exasperation and amusement, like he already knows you’re about to say something stupid. you spin toward him, heart lurching, but your face remains composed, schooled into an easy, practiced smirk.

he tilts his head slightly. “...you good?”

clearing your throat, you smooth down the sheets with an air of nonchalance, fingers gliding over the fabric as if you belong here—because, obviously, you do. with a slow, practiced ease, you lean back against the headboard, stretching just enough to let the blankets pool around your waist, the picture of careless indulgence. then, resting your chin in your palm, you let your lips curl, eyes lidded with amusement as you fix satoru with a look that speaks volumes. “so…” you drawl, voice honeyed and teasing, “...was i good?” the weight of the words hangs between you, deliberate, pointed. calculated mischief flickers in your gaze, waiting for the inevitable crack in his composure.

satoru squints, utterly unamused. he blinks once. then twice. his mouth parts slightly before closing again, as if your words are too absurd to immediately process. “huh?” his brows pinch together, confusion clear, but not in a flustered way—more in the what is she talking about now kind of way, which is not nearly as satisfying as you’d hoped.

undeterred, you gesture lazily at the bed, raising a slow, deliberate eyebrow. “you know,” you murmur, voice dipping into something almost sultry. “last night?”

he stares at you for an extra beat, expression unreadable, his silence stretching just long enough for anticipation to coil in your stomach. then, finally, in the most deadpan tone imaginable, he states: “you passed out on my table.”

your smirk falters.

satoru, the insufferable bastard, doesn’t stop there. if anything, his lips twitch with the barest hint of smugness as he continues, “i had to carry you here because you drooled on my notes.”

absolute. silence.

your entire body locks up, spine going rigid as heat floods your face, mortification creeping up your neck like a noose tightening with every second that passes. no. no, no. this—this cannot be your reality. in no version of this universe, real or theoretical, does he get to have the upper hand in your moment of triumph. not when you had so carefully set the scene, not when you were so close to making him flustered, not when—oh god, did he say drool?

panic surges, tangled with outrage, and before you can stop yourself—

you launch a pillow directly at his stupid head.

[our-trans-punk-experience]

Can I just say: I hate it when people call every little thing over consumerism. No, putting something into a reusable container to fit in your cabinets properly is not over consumerism. No, having home personalization (ex: a pink themed kitchen) is not over consumerism.

I've seen people call DIY-ing a jewelry plate over consumption. THEY MADE IT THEMSELF???? How is that over consumerism?!?

I feel like people need to learn the real definition of it. For anyone who doesn't properly know (/lh):

"Overconsumption refers to the excessive use of goods and services to the point where resources are depleted or the environment is negatively impacted. It often leads to waste and can harm both individual well-being and the planet's health."

It just bothers me so much how so many people think the smallest amount of personalization is bad! Even if it came from themselves and their own creativity.

yeah all this is right on. people saying this have a very not correct idea on what overconsumerism is. its not an aesthetic issue, its an ethical one.

you can have a clean girl ikea showroom hashtag minimalism core home and still be doing overconsumerism

you can have a home covered in throws and pillows and trinkets and maximalist fancies and that not be overconsumerism

people who call ornamental additions in a home overconsumerism have that "does having decorative pillows make you part of the bougeoisie" mindset, and to that just remember that people have real problems.

go diy yourselves an unnecessary jewelery plate today punks

[cosmicalily]

'bending to your heart' ot8 skz headcanons by @cosmicalily | skz as segments from my poetry

"a souvenir i gave to everyone i love, the walls of my heart are like museum corridors, the love that i gave you was art in my form" - 'marble arch' by erin lecount

author's note: my poetry is something i've been curating and writing for a long time, primarily as an emotional outlet and a secondary artform. these are segments from pieces in one of my collections titled 'asap* (*as softly as possible)' which i'm hoping to publish at some point in the near future as a physical book! ALSO TUMBLR IS FUCKING WITH THE FORMATTING AND MAKING SOME LETTERS BIGGER AND IM GONNA CRASH OUT AND CRY warnings: angst (discussions of mental health issues, primarily anxiety and depression)

chris as . . . 'medicine'

Even though they weren’t my problems, You became my problem, my scar to heal. Your prescription has ended, my love. You’ve been hurting me without noticing, Without meaning to. I’ve grown scared of you. I will miss you, although you may not miss me. But I look forward to relief.

minho as . . . 'tsuki (my moon)'

I can’t ever touch the moon With bare fingertips, But it’s always there, watching me. When the sun sets, I search for you. At night, I feel more fragile, More anxious, But your presence comforts me, From a huge distance away.

changbin as . . . 'bear'

Please don’t put on your armour, Tense your fists, Walk away. You’re still so soft, So loving. Do not let the people And things that hurt you Turn you into someone Who hurts others.

hyunjin as . . . 'starfish'

Oh, my love, You’re the brightest clementine on my tree. A little further back than the rest, But I’ll drag over a chair, Climb a branch, Dig through the velvety leaves just to find you. My starfish, You carry so much peace. As I sit by your side briefly, my head on your shoulder, I remind myself how much I treasure you.

jisung as . . . 'to float with my stars'

For whilst a night sky is beautiful, You can never count all the stars and You can never be certain of The multitudes it contains, Of what it has experienced, Of what colours it may explode into, When least provoked and When least wanted.

felix as . . . 'a thousand paper bows'

Delicate, yet so strong when knotted tight. Known for its flexibility, but not its permanence. Unlike ribbon, paper can tear. Paper does not fray the way a straight-cut ribbon does; But tiny rips can build, And a small tug or twist can undo everything. These tears cannot be fixed invisibly; A piece of clear tape is subtle, but still noticeable. Glue will dry with a residue; or dampen the paper.

seungmin as . . . 'the bus stop'

Subconsciously, I still wait for you, Even though you have long passed. I left the house too late, Spent too long tying my shoelaces, But you also came too early, And didn’t slow down when I ran, Chasing you. I’ll sit here for a while, Maybe pause every time I pass this bus stop, Just in case you come past again, Just in case this time is right.

jeongin as . . . 'chuu (kiss my cheek)'

But thank you for building my house, For decorating my home. For creating the blueprint that I added to, Allowing me to make this space my own. Thank you for the shelves to store my trinkets, For the cherry trees in my garden, For the hugs you give me in the kitchen, When the day hasn’t been as kind to me The way you always are.

taglist: @hyunjiiza @velvetmoonlght @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @btch8008s @heartsbyani @ellemir2404 @bellarellasstuff @starsinagreenskyxx @ashtxrie @pigeonseatmayo @modesttiger @woozarts @zelinkcrossing @urlocalmultigroupfan @shuuporanglinos @lezleeferguson-120 @r1nstaaa @bibibahngg @jessxxxfwd @koiiqqqq - comment, dm or send an ask to be added :)

[werewolfnarrative]

TWO HALVES (TRY TO) MAKE A WHOLE

Dragon!Sylus X F!Reader

Synopsis: you find out about Sylus' past, and open up with each other. Buried urges ressurface and your newfound relationship reaches new depths.

INCLUDES: reader with pathological anxiety and descriptions, kinda self-loathing Sylus, sexual content, kissing, making out, nipple teasing, oral sex (F! receiving), unprotected sex, praise kink, pet names. [Sylus goes into heat]

ATTENTION! This post contains mental health issues and sexual content. Do not proceed if it makes you uncomfortable or if you are underage. By going forward, you consent to seeing this.

TWO HALVES (TRY TO) MAKE A WHOLE

You wake up screaming. That was the final piece of the story that had been plaguing you for months when you dreamed. Sylus's lifeless body laying in the fields of Tarus City, his body desintegrating like dust.

Sometimes, the dream was disconnected. You are not sure if the reality was you living with him in the abandoned chappel, remaining trapped your cell and your love visiting you under the night sky, or being used as bait for his demise.

It made you sick.

Messy white hair laid beside you on the enormous bed. Black silky sheets covered the rest of his body. The sight calmed you on many other nights, when he had no urgent business and could take a nap with you.

The silk made it too easy for you to drown on your thoughts and spiral into anxiety. You get up to drink some water and hopefully clear your head. Sylus' base was always chilly, especially now, and the floor tiles burned the soles of your feet as you make your way to his kitchen.

You fetch yourself a glass, feeling disconnected from the task as your brain was focused into something else. His horns, his wings, his heart. A body ceasing to exist before your very eyes.

No! Count five things you can see, three you can touch. Take long, deep breaths. Don't think about the dreams. Don't think about it don't think about itdon'tthink abo-

"Up so soon, sweetie?" A deep voice, with such noticeable difference to your own, shakes away your thoughts. Sylus is standing in the doorway, his robes ruffled because of his previous position on the bed. A lovely sight.

"Good morning?" You think of an excuse to be up. "I was thirsty." He analyzes the glass in your hand and relaxes slightly. "Hmm. Come back to bed then." His tall frame dissapears behind the door, but you continue standing there.

If you go back to bed now, your brain will eat you whole. The memories are still too fresh, too vivid, to grand you some solace. Sylus quickly realizes you are not behind him, and returns to the kitchen with an inquisitive gaze.

"Is something the matter?" The day's first rays of sunshine begin filling the room and setting in the decorations of the wall. Your problems seem so... maneagable when you are with him, your fears so small under the morning light.

"I saw you die." Despite being a master in hiding his emotions, after an entire existence fighting for survival, there is hurt in his eyes. You both walk towards each other in a desperate embrace. For how long did he have the same dreams, unable to share them with anyone?

You both stay there for a long time, the warmth of his body bringing great comfort. "I don't want to go back to bed. I feel like I'll go crazy if I do." You feel his pointy chin pressing a little harder into your shoulder when he nods. "Would you be interested in breakfast?"

"That sounds lovely." Both your figures separate, but before he could reach the kitchen cabinets you reach for his face. Your hands cradle Sylus' cheeks lovingly, and you peck him on the lips and the tip of his nose. "Before we begin, though, I will bring you a jacket. As much as I enjoy the sight, kitten, it's too cold to walk around in a camisole."

-

The following week was considerably better than that fatidic morning. Sylus seemed to be in a good mood (or as good as it can be in the N109 Zone), and the nighmares subsided.

Even if your sleeping schedules coudn't be further apart, and you had to travel back to Linkon because of a few Wanderer sightings, some aspects of your routines allowed you to see each other. And for a while, that was enough.

You notice something is off when, in a friday morning, Sylus does not message you before retrieving to his quarters. That was unusual, but not impossible. Maybe he was in the middle of a meeting, or a terribly urgent matter was at hand.

Even so, you spend the rest of the day waiting for a call that never arrived. Tara asked if everything was alright during lunch break (no it wasn't) and you said "just a tiring week."

With Linkon City bathed in golden hues, you try to call Sylus once. Twice. And then a third time, just to be sure. All attempts fell right into his voicemail until you decide enough is enough.

"Miss Hunter?" Luke inquired. You could hear the voice of the other twin right behind him, and something seemed terribly askew. "Is something the matter?" "Actually, there is. Did something happen to Sylus?"

Static. Silence. Static.

"No." The boy was a terrible liar, even after so many years working under Sylus' eye. "I am on my way. Stay put." Both of the bodyguards screamed at the same time, and there were unmistakeable "it's not necessary" and "he's fine" that falled on deaf years when you pulled the phone.

-

The travel to the N109 was starting to be pleasant. After a few months visiting Sylus and vice versa, both of these locations were familiar to you. Your lives were intertwined.

Luke and Kieran were exactly where you had seen them the last time, sitting on their favourite desk. When you had told them to stay put, it was certainly an eufemism, but it was too late to tell them now.

"Where is he?" Heads low, they pointed to the master bedroom above the stairs. Was he sick? Maybe his voice failed him, that's why there were no calls or voicemails (surely a written message would suffice) and the anger inside subsided.

Even a few dozens of meters away from the door, you can feel strong waves coming from Sylus' room. Heat, like the inside of an oven. Looking under the door, there were no light sorces coming from inside.

"Sylus?" You whisper. "Are you awake?" You finish your words with a light knock on the door. The carved wood opens with a swing in the blink of an eye, and your body is pulled inside the darkness by strong arms.

"What are you doing here?" The hoarse voice purrs. He rests his head atop of yours, and you can hear Sylus take a sniff out of your hair. "I should be the one asking questions, mister. Why didn't you reply to my texts?"

He seems elated with the interrogation. "Worried about me?" Both his arms hold your waist in a vice grip. Your eyes are slowly adjusting to the darkness in his bedroom, and that is enough to start seeing the outline of an uncharacteristic mess.

Many pillows are on top of the bed, only rivaled by the covers that fight for the same space. Items and clothes are scattered across every meter of the floor, and some cabinets' door looked like were torn open.

"What the hell happened here? Are you sick?" His body is completely bare, save for black boxer briefs. There was no way he spend the entire day only wearing that. You touch his forehead and feel the scorching hot skin.

He groans in a way you never heard before.

"One question at a time, love." He pauses for a moment, his eyes shiny even without luminosity. "I apologise for not sending you texts about my... condition. And yes, you could say I am sick." That does not seem like an objective answer at all.

Your hand travels lower, to his cheek, and he nuzzles your palm with intensity. "Will you tell me what is bothering you? Or will I have to suffer through nightmares again?" That seems to snap him out of his trance.

"I would never hurt you on purpose, kitten." He lowers his head to inhale your neck, a sound akin to a purr leaving his throat. After a few seconds, he seems to muster the courage to look you in the eyes.

"I'm in... heat." The entire world drowns in silence. Maybe there is no world outside this room anymore. Sylus' dark pupils are completely overwhelming the blood color of his eyes. "What?" You mutter after a few seconds.

His laugh is beautiful. Hoarse. "Since you already know the truth about my nature, you should realize that there are some... setbacks." You don't reply right away as the puzzle pieces connect in your mind. Sylus sees this a rejection, though, since he steps away to the opposite corner of the room.

"I promise I will text you once this is all over. The twins will provide everything you need in the meanwhile." You had not rejected him, not really. It was just... a lot to find out in a very short timespan.

You gently approach him, his eyes downcast and sad. "What if the twins can't provide what I want? What I need?" Sylus' eyes shoot up with newfound verocity. "Do you really want to do this, kitten?"

Maybe actions do speak louder than words. If you can't tell him, you will show him. Your hands leave feather light touches in his neck and shoulders, working as the perfect leverage. He shivers in your hold, and you see the bulge in his briefs.

You bite his shoulder. Hard. Sylus gasps-screams in your hold and his toned legs give out for half a second. "You are really in for it now, kitten." That was the last time you heard his soft voice that day. Faster than you could blink, your body is thrown into the soft cushions of the bed and his hands are all over yours.

Sylus' tongue plays with your bottom lips before diving in. You are breathless as he explores every space you allow him to. His hips are moving against yours, looking for clothed friction. Your mouths separate so he can undress your upper body.

"I want you to tell me about this next time it happens." You try to remain lucid and tell him what you want to say, but that task gets considerably more dificult as your articles of clothing are disappearing one by one. He bites your shoulders and your tits as he makes his way down.

"As if you would want to spend the next few days with me in this state, kitten." He responds so matter-of-factly, a small furrow on his brow. What did he tought you were doing here then? That trail of tought is interrupted when the cold air of the room greets your bare pussy. "I will let you go when the time is right, but until then, I will take all you can give me."

Your underwear was soaked, and Sylus certainly did notice. He chose mercy upon you though, since he moved his mouth towards your core like a man starved. "Stay with me now." His lips and tongue made way from your hole to your clit, letting you positively drenched. Something about this felt more real, more intimate.

"What If I - hah-hnng! - want to stay?" His tongue massages you flat, making you see stars behind your eyelids. "Why would you want that?" Sylus' hot breath was a perfect stimuli too, you found.

"Because I care about you? Even if dont do- oh - n't believe so." You were so close to your orgasm, and your partner seemed to have picked up the signs. The slurping and sucking were so loud, there was no way no one was hearing it. "Come on, love, make a mess on me."

How could such a request be denied? You make a mess on his face and Sylus guides you through the waves of pleasure all the while. While you recover, he gets rid of his cum-stain boxers (you were sure it was from the earlier bite) and aligns with your entrance.

"Can I go in, kitten?" You nod and feel the hot tip making its way it. You both groan as Sylus' dick finds its way in, filling you little by little. Both your sensitivities are heightened because of the release, making all the sensations almost too much. "You feel so - hah - good, love. I have needed you for so long."

He babbles something you can't quite distinguish when he bottoms out, but his sounds of pleasure are in a higher pitch than usual. Sylus waits a little before beggining to move, changing his attention to your breasts and erect nipples. His tongue does not stop when his hips begin to move, trying so hard to do everything at once.

Sylus' endurance truly is something to behold, but this did not seem to be the case today. His thrust were erratic since the beggining, and one unexpected orgasm suddenly overtook him. Even then, he continued trough hisses of overstimulation to give you your high.

"Hey." You coo. "There's no need to overdo it, you know? We will be here for the next few days, after all." When Sylus lifts his head, you see a hint of embarassment in his eyes. "We truly are doing this together, aren't we?" You nod, satisfied that he understood the message.

"Our souls are forever bound, my dragon. You won't ever get rid of me again." He holds your hand so gently inside his own so he can kiss your knuckles. "If that is the case, miss hunter, I will never let you go."

He starts moving again, and there is bliss.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO REQUEST SOMETHING ON MY KO-FI? OR BECOME A MEMBER? THIS WILL HELP ME BRING MORE CONTENT LIKE THIS IN THE FUTURE:

[roseyodditea]

Hello, I really love your Harumasas work! I hope you always stay healthy and happy! May I request Harumasa x reader which Harumasa first time caught up reader doing cutting/selfharm? He's really good at comforting people who's suicidal, I think he's good at comforting his BF/GF who's suicidal too ...

I tried to write this more from Harumasa's perspective and left the reader's mental health issues vague in order to attempt to comfort the most amount of people. I remember how comforting fics like this were when I was in the throws of my mental health problems. I hope I did it justice

At Least for the Night - Harumasa x gn!Reader

Summary -> 1.5k words. Harumasa comforts you once he deduces a secret you were trying to hide. Warnings -> Self harm, injuries, blood, medical supplies, please protect your peace and skip this fic if you need to

Harumasa crouched in front of your bathroom sink, digging around for the bandages you said were in there. A wound from a Hollow opened up while you two were having a dinner date at your apartment and he wanted to clean it up before he risked infection. He reached for the first aid kit and opened it, his instincts from being surrounded by medical supplies kicking into high gear. He grabbed the ointment and the wrap bandages and something in his mind screamed in alarm, but he was a bit preoccupied to notice what it was. 

He was used to the cold feeling of the cream on the wound on his arm, and he was quick to wrap it before neatly repacking the first aid kit. It wasn’t until he closed the lid that his brain finally caught up to what he subconsciously noticed. He opened the kit back up, his eyes scanning over every supply. They all matched the brand of the kit, all being used at an expected rate for someone like you… but the bandages. He flipped through the adhesive bandages again, noticing a lot of the ones left were the smaller, unusable ones of about six different brands. The bigger ones were all used up, and the roll of cloth bandages was a different brand from every single adhesive one he found. 

Harumasa sat on your bathroom floor, his mind going into overdrive as he tried to think of a logical reason for this. The first aid kit was less than a year old going off of the packaging of the lesser used supplies, but you seemed to go through so many bandages. He stared intently as he washed his hands, scanning your bathroom sink for any hints. He looked for anything that would hint why you’d need so many bandages. Blood thinners maybe? Childrens bathroom supplies in case you had a niece or a nephew that were a bit clumsy? He tried not to let himself get caught up on it. He dried his hands before he closed the kit and slipped it back under the sink, standing up and walking back to the kitchen where you were cleaning up after dinner. 

He felt bad being as scrutinizing as he was, but his eyes scanned you, that cold and calculating look of a scout covering up the normally soft look you say from your boyfriend. You glanced back, a bit uneasy with how he was staring at you. “Uhh.. You found them alright?” You ask, desperately trying to break the tension.

“Yeah. I found your bandages. A lot of bandages, actually.” He said, his interrogation tactics he had learned from Section Six starting to shine uncomfortably in the safe environment of the apartment you had worked so hard to curate. 

“Is that a problem?” “Do you have something to tell me?” He stepped close, making you feel trapped against the sink. 

“Haru, what’s going on?” You tried to change the subject defensively, shifting and trying to ignore the way your pants scraped against the semi fresh scabs hidden underneath. 

Harumasa softened a bit, letting out a breath. “I’m just worried. I’ve been surrounded by doctors all my life and I’d like to know if my absolutely lovely partner was having some health complications.” He eased up and took your hand before kissing it, slyly watching the way your sleeve fell naturally. Seeing nothing, he knew he’d have to change his tactic. 

“No health complications. Just clumsy I guess.” You respond, turning back to the sink. Harumasa wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder, watching you wash dishes. He didn’t say anything else, just… watching. “Are you alright?” Even if he didn’t have hard evidence, Harumasa had been recognizing the signs for a while now. He prayed he was wrong and just paranoid, but the bandages were the last nail in the coffin of his suspicions. He held you tighter and hid his face in your neck. “I love you. I’d be devastated without you.” You froze, wondering if he actually knew or if it was a wild guess. “What are you-” “Don’t. Please don’t lie to me.” He pleaded, genuinely emotional. “You don’t have to defend yourself, you don’t have to explain a thing, you don’t even have to promise you won’t do it again. Look, (y/n), I get it, I do. But I want you to be better, and I know that can’t happen overnight. So let’s take it one step at a time. Are you alright with that?”

Tears gathered in your eyes no matter how much you tried to will them away. Having this… angel leaning on your shoulder, holding out a hand to help you felt so terrifying. “I… I don’t know the steps. I don’t know what to do.” “That’s not what I asked. I asked if you’re alright taking it one step at a time.” He comforted, squeezing you close. “Do you want to change? That’s the first step.”

“I want to get better.” Your voice cracks out weakly, your hands starting to shake around the plate you were rinsing off. Harumasa took it out of your hands and kissed your cheek gently. 

“Good. Good… Do you currently have any injuries?” You nod hesitantly, not fighting back as he turns off the sink and leads you to sit on the couch. He rubbed different shapes on your shoulder. Square, circle, triangle, back to square. He repeated the pattern a couple times before switching the order, giving you something grounding to focus on. He took your hand and placed it on his chest and took deep breaths, helping you focus on your own breathing. 

“Can you tell me where they are?” He asked, his golden eyes filled with tenderness, not an ounce of judgement. Even as you gestured to your thighs, he didn’t look at you with pity. “Can I see them? Touch them?” He asked and let out a breath as you nodded. You shimmied out of your pants so he could see the hastily thrown on bandages. He lifted one of the cloth wrappings around your thigh to peek and nodded. “You stay right here. I’m going to go grab the first aid kit and show you how to take care of them properly, okay?” Once again you nodded, more tears spilling. 

He came back and sank to his knees in front of the couch, gingerly unwrapping and removing every bandage so he could see the old, new, and scarred cuts across your thighs. He assessed the damage before depositing some of the topical antibiotic onto his fingers, gently rubbing it over every scab and open wound. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be lecturing me? Telling me never to do this again? And how I’m hurting the people around me?” You tried to steel yourself, pushing down those tears and building your mental walls back up. 

“I suppose I could, but I don’t think that would be very beneficial.” He said gently. “I’m more worried about harm reduction right now. If you’re set on hurting yourself, taking away everything you have to do it with will just lead to you getting creative and dangerous. I’d rather make sure you know how to care for injuries so you don’t risk infection. We can work on breaking these habits later. One baby step at a time.”

Silence hung too comfortably for the circumstance. You expected more yelling and disappointment when he learned this about you. You expected him to leave and never turn back. You expected anything but this wonderfully gentle man taking care of you with a tenderness you never thought anyone would show you. More tears spilled down your cheeks, but this wasn’t the hot, suffocating tears you tried to choke back earlier, but instead warm tears full of a feeling you had only dreamed of. 

“Can you stay tonight?” The question didn’t even finish leaving your mouth before Harumasa nodded. He tugs the bandages into place, making sure they were more secure than the last set you had hastily thrown on. He sat on the couch and opened his arms, happily accepting you and all your baggage into his loving embrace. 

“Of course. I’ll stay the night and I’ll hold you or just sit next to you or whatever you need.” He reassured, kissing the top of your head and squeezing you into him. 

“I think… I just need you for now. At least for the night.” You mumbled against his chest, happy to relax against him. 

“Well, unfortunately for you, you’ve got me for a lot longer than just one measly night.” He smiled as he heard a soft chuckle leave your lips. 

Hotlines for different countries -> https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A/N -> Remember there's always avenues to get help or support no matter what stage of life you're at. Stay strong, and remember even a single spec of improvement is still improvement! <3

[citruswriter]

Hello, sorry in advance - my English is VERY bad😭💔

have problems with blood pressure, which often makes me dizzy, and yesterday in the bathroom because of the pressure I lost consciousness and fell - my mother was very scared, and we waited another half hour for an ambulance🤣

(everything is fine, I got tangled in the bath curtain and it saved me my head from a concussion, but I sprained my neck, hit my nose and got bruises all over my body)

I would like to know how the bayverse tmnt(individually) reacted to the fact that there was a crash from the bathtub, the door was locked, and when they managed to open the door, their beloved was lying on the floor, her feet on the edge of the bathtub, and the girl herself was lying unconscious, confused in the bathroom curtain on the tile floor? 🤣

Will they scold the girl for her habit of locking doors, or will they wash her themselves after this event, idk

(please guys take care of yourselves especially if you have the same health issues as me 🙏)

Bayverse Turtles x Fainting Disorder Reader

Listen with me! ↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

A/N: Behold! The singular ask that survived the Tumblr askbox purge. It's ok dear! It took me a bit to decipher the ask but I think I've got the jist of it!

Leonardo x Reader 🧡

Heart attack the first time you fainted. Warn a guy if you have a fainting disorder will ya?

Internally screamed while carrying you to Donnie to see if you need the hospital. Deep breath of relief to find out, no you don't.

Please tell him what you have and how to help. He's just one big ole softy and he loves you and wants to make sure you're safe and comfortable.

Scolds you every time you lock doors. He understands your wish for independence and privacy but either you leave the door unlocked or he breaks down the door. Your choice.

Can be a bit overbearing at times so don't be surprised if you need to have a talk with him at some point. Let him know you appreciate his effort but it's just a tad suffocating.

Probably knows your medical history like the back of his hand. Wants to know everything to be helpful so you've probably told him something about something at some point and now he has it all memorized.

Call him while at the doctor's office if you forget. He'll think it's amusing that you forgot your own medical history but will still happily tell you what you forgot. He enjoys feeling useful.

Constant stash of water and snacks in his room and kitchen specifically for you. If anybody else touches it, they are required "by law" to replace it or else they get ha'shi treatment.

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Raphael x Reader 🧡

Literal panic attack the first time you faint around him. Screaming for Donnie and asking if you're gonna die.

Don't be surprised if he yells at you for not telling him. He's not trying to be mean, you just scared him is all. Just let him get it out and eventually he'll calm down and apologize for yelling before holding you in his arms.

This man ain't gonna remember shit about what ever the fuck you have. He'll remember the name and that it's a fainting disorder and that's probably it.

This man already has a water bottle stash but he happily lets you access it whenever you need to. Hydration is good!

Not afraid to break your door if you lock it. What if you faint face first into some liquid and then drown and die? Hm?! He loves you too much. You're not allowed to die. Leave the damn door unlocked.

Another turtle you might have to sit down with and have a "I appreciate your effort but you're suffocating me" talk with.

Probably has a note on his notes app labeled "Tiny's Medical Shit" with some basic information on your disorder and how to help with dizzy and fainting spells.

His room looks like it's absolutely baby proofed with the caps he puts on sharp corners and with all the pillows and blankets on his floor but really he's just doing his best to keep you safe and injury free.

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Donatello x Reader 🧡

Worried the first time you faint around him but not all panicky like Leo or Raph. He might softly scold you for not telling him about your fainting disorder though.

Faint proofs his lab. He wants his baby in his lab with him but that wasn't exactly possible for awhile so he had to faint proof his while fucking lab. Please praise him for it, he desperately needs the validation.

As soon as he knows you have a fainting disorder, he looks up what it is and suddenly knows more about it than even you do. POTS, narcolepsy, it doesn't matter. He knows more than you now.

Will love you for eternity if you call him while at a doctor's because you forgot something about your own medical history or just don't know the answer.

"Hey Donnie?" "Yes dove?" "How many times would you say I've fainted in the past month?" "Twenty-seven. I have it all documented. Why? You at the doctor?" "Yeah. Figured if anybody knew the answer to that question, it would be you." "Well you were correct. I love you, dove." "I love you too, my love. See you tonight."

He doesn't care if you lock doors. This man knows how to pick a lock in twenty different ways. He also knows that, if push comes to shove, he can easily just break the damn door down.

Lots of water and snackies for you in his lab. Nobody tries to steal from your stash. Mikey tried once and had to deal with scary Don for few solid minutes. They know better now, lest they incur the wrath of Scary Dontron.

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Michaelangelo x Reader 🧡

Surprisingly chill the first time you faint around him??? Like why the fuck is he so calm???

He does his best to study up on your disorder but, much like Raph, he knows what it's called and that's about it.

Has a "fainting spot" for you in his room that's essentially just a nook in his room with extra fluffy blankets and pillows with a basket of water and snacks within reach. Whenever you faint, he places you there and stays close by until you're awake and conscious.

Doesn't worry too much about locked doors. He'd prefer if you don't but he understands that he can easily bust the door down if needed.

If you're clingy after a fainting spell, this man is gonna eat it up. Need him to hold you? Course baby, come here. Need some kisses? Who is he to deny you? Need some head rubs while you bury yourself into his arms? Why it would be criminal to deny you!

He isn't the best at keeping up with all the fun facts about your disorder but he's surprisingly fantastic about tracking your fainting spells. Like, it's Donnie level tracking. He may not know the ins and outs of your disorder like Don would but he can indeed tell you that you've fainted three times this week.

Will chirp if you call him at the doctors. He can't promise he'll know the answer to your question but the fact that you thought of him and called him still warms his heart. Prepare for him to cuddle and scent you when you get home if you do this.

I'm so sorry for not writing guys. I've been in Ao3's embrace for the past few days. 🤭😂

[elllisaaa]

enhypen as the neighbourhood songs

-> pairing : enha x fem!reader

-> words count : 7.1k words

-> genre : angst, toxic relationships, friends-to-lovers

-> warnings : a loooot of angst, mentions of bad parenting and complicated childhoods, daddy issues, mentions of struggling with mental health, toxic behaviour, rejection, self-sabotaging

-> sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> masterlist | enha masterlist | 1k event masterlist

LEE HEESEUNG - A LITTLE DEATH

Being an idol was not easy. You were aware of that, and it wasn’t a problem for you. You were proud of Heeseung for doing what he loved and for everything he accomplished, so it was your duty to support him as his partner. You were always here to cheer him up when he wasn’t in the best headspace, you were always here to listen to him and wipe his tears away when it was too hard, you were always here to help him and make him smile again. 

And Heeseung was very grateful to have you by his side, he tried his best to show it to you everyday, to remind you that he was there for you too, to make you his number one priority. And he was doing a good job. You loved your relationship with him, you loved the efforts he put into your dates even if it was only staying in and watching a movie. And you didn’t mind that he often came home late, or that he was sometimes away for long periods of time. You loved him, he loved you ; it was all that mattered to you. 

Until it started to not be enough anymore. Until it started to be too hard to fall asleep and wake up in an empty bed. Until it started to feel like you were living by yourself, with some kind of parasite eating what was in your fridge and thriving off your unconditional love. Sometimes, you tried to wait for him while watching a series in the living room, fighting sleep. But even when he managed to be home before you passed out on the couch, you were too tired to truly enjoy seeing him. The only thing you had to warm up your heart was the heat of his body as he held you close in his sleep. 

You felt selfish, but at the same time, you needed to feel loved too, you deserved it. And you knew that Heeseung wasn’t leaving just to hurt you, that everything that he did and that hurt you wasn’t done on purpose. You knew it. But it was hard to feel appreciated when your boyfriend wasn’t there most of the time. 

You didn’t tell him all that, because he was already so stressed out, so exhausted. You didn’t want to be the reason he would break down. Despite all the nights you cried yourself to sleep, you still loved him, you still wanted to protect him. And when Heeseung did spend time with you, it was amazing, it made you feel happy, like in the beginning. He looked at you as if you hung up the stars in the sky, and told you things that made your heart beat faster. He reminded you how gorgeous you were - “Darling, your looks can kill.” 

In these moments, you felt like nothing could go wrong. And the next day everything was back to normal and Heeseung was sending you a text to tell you that he wouldn’t make it home for dinner again. You didn’t know why you cracked tonight and not one of the dozens of others he did this. You didn’t know why you broke down crying in the middle of the kitchen that night. You didn’t know why it hurt so much tonight in particular. What you knew was that you couldn’t take it anymore. So you waited for Heeseung, sat down on the couch, all lights turned off and your eyes still wet despite the hours passing by. 

“- Darling ? You’re still awake ?”

You simply nodded and Heeseung joined you in the living room, turning on the lights again. You blinked a few times, forcing another tear to roll down your cheek, and he didn’t miss it. 

“- Are you crying ?”

You nodded again, feeling more tears gathering in your eyes when you felt his hands cupping your face, his thumbs wiping your tears away so tenderly it made your insides twist.

“- What happened ? 

- I don’t want to tell you. It’ll only make you feel bad, and you don’t need that. You don’t deserve it.

- Y/N, if I’m making you cry, you don’t need to care about me or my feelings. Tell me what I did and I’ll fix it. I don’t want you to cry, especially if it’s because of me.”

You finally raised your head to look him in the eyes. His own gaze was clouded with tears, and it was like someone was clenching your heart in between their hands. It hurt. So bad you wanted to scream.

“- But you can’t fix that, Hee. I can’t ask you to not go away for weeks, I can’t ask you to come home earlier, I can’t ask you all of that. It’s impossible. 

- Maybe I can’t fix it, but I can still do something about it. I can call you more when I’m away, I can come earlier in the mornings to be home for dinner. You can ask me that, darling. You’re the reason I hold on, I need you.”

His voice was shaking, and his eyes chased yours everytime you avoided his gaze as if he needed it to feel like you were still with him. He grabbed one of your hands, holding it against his chest, right where his heart was beating just as fast as yours. 

“- I want you to touch me there everytime you feel like I’m not giving you enough. You make me feel like I am human, make me feel like I am breathing. It’s selfish but I can’t let you go. Please, Y/N, stay with me.

- I won’t go away Hee, never.”

You meant it, or at least, you wanted it to be the truth. For now, you wanted to believe him, to believe in your pretty lies. The light casted your shadows on the wall in front of you, reflecting a glimpse of your silhouettes. It was a night that you’ll never forget, because it was the first one of many other ones like that. You knew you were slowly dying inside, but everytime Heeseung asked you to stay a little longer, you stayed. And it didn’t matter if you lost yourself because you loved him. 

PARK JONGSEONG - DADDY ISSUES

You never thought that you would be the type of girl to end up financially dependent on a man. It was one of the things you promised to yourself when you left for college. You wanted to be independent, pretended that you didn’t need anybody else to make it or to be happy. Despite that, you were always surrounded by your friends, always going out on the weekends to have some company, always trying to not be alone for too long. 

When you were a kid, you loved to stay in your room for hours by yourself, reading or drawing. You loved it and you needed to have your little bubble to protect yourself. Your dad was often absent when you were little, never present when you needed him to because he was away for work, never there to give you the love he should’ve given to you. And during your teenage years, when he finally decided to be more present, it wasn’t any better. 

He would often scream at you for anything and mostly nothing. He blamed you for the things he did himself. He made you feel like you were worth nothing. But despite everything he ever did or said to you, despite the fact that you never heard an apology coming out of his mouth, you tried so hard to do everything to please him. Part of it was because it was the only way to not make him mad at you, the other was because he was still your dad and that you seeked his approval, even if you knew that he would never give it to you. 

All of this surely fucked you up. Even if you pretended that it was the contrary, you sought masculine attention. Everytime you fell in love with a guy, he was either a walking red flag your friends warned you about, or a guy that was hurt and that you hoped you could fix. And everytime, you ended up more broken, asking yourself why everybody was leaving you. 

And one day, you met Jay. He was everything you could’ve ever wanted in a guy - sweet, handsome, caring, considerate ; a true gentleman. When you started to go out with him, you didn’t notice how rich he was because the two of you went to the movies, or to take a walk at the park. But when he invited you to a very fancy restaurant, you understood that he had a lot of money. And when you told him that you couldn’t afford to pay for this type of establishment, he simply smiled and told you that he wanted to spoil you. 

It honestly felt so good to have someone covering you in praise for everything you did, to have someone tell you that they were proud of you, to have someone helping you without asking for anything in return, to have someone listening to you when you were talking. Jay was everything you ever needed and more. You knew that if you had been his little girl, he would’ve run away and hide with you. And that was the problem.

Because your dad sometimes did things that made you happy, and you held on to these memories. But he still abandoned you in the end, so did it really matter ? And what told you that Jay wouldn’t do the same thing when he will eventually realize that you were not worth it ? What made you so sure that he wouldn’t leave you for someone prettier, more interesting, less complicated ? 

So you did what you always did when everything was going well in one of your relationships : you left. Even if you loved Jay from the bottom of your heart, even if he treated you like a queen, even if he was the best you could ever get, even if he was perfect. You just couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t end up breaking up with you and hurting you. So you preferred to do that yourself, it wasn’t like you were not used to it, and you were sparing yourself the pain of a betrayal, of a disappointment - because you couldn't believe that someone loved you that much.

But Jay did. Jay didn't let you go without even trying like everybody else did. Jay didn't give up, even after you had told him time and time again that you broke up with him because you had no feelings anymore. Jay didn't give up because he knew you better than anyone else, because he knew you were lying, because he knew you couldn't fake the glint of adoration in your eyes when you looked at him. So he sent you flowers every week for months, he always texted you to make sure you took your vitamins or went home safely when he knew you were going out. He still took care of you, even from afar, and it made your heart swell with love as much as it made it ache. 

“- Jay ? What are you doing here ?”

You just got back from work, only to find your ex standing at your doorstep, seemingly waiting for you. Unlike his usually preppy appearance, his hair was disheveled, and his clothes were wrinkled, as if he hadn’t changed them for at least two days. As soon as he heard your voice, Jay lifted his head, eyes shining with so much hope it made your heart clench. 

“- Y/N… I… I just wanted to see you, make sure you were alright.

- I’m doing good. You can go now.”

The situation was odd, but all you wanted was to throw yourself in his arms, all you wanted was to beg for his forgiveness and ask for another chance, all you wanted was him, even if you were fucked up, even if you would inevitably hurt him in the end. 

“- Please, don’t ask me that. I didn’t cry when you left at first, because I thought you would come back soon, but now that we’re dead it hurts. And I know you don’t want that either. So please, just let me take care of you, talk to me. I don’t want to let you go.”

You couldn’t stop the tears from spilling out of your eyes. These were the words you were dying to hear all these years, and in the blink of an eye, Jay made it all better. It was too good to be true, surely, but you wanted to believe it for a little longer. You would’ve to let it out soon, just let out everything that happened, but for now, you only wanted Jay to hold you close again, to tell you that he loved you again. You only wanted him, even if you were a mess, even if everything you touched broke. 

SIM JAEYUN - REFLECTIONS

Meeting Jake had been the best and the worst thing that happened to you. You ran into him when you were traveling around the world with your best friend. It has always been one of your dreams - to discover the world. And when you had the opportunity to do just that, you took it without looking back. You were in Korea for around a month, planning on visiting the countryside for a week or two, and spending the rest of your time in Seoul and its surroundings. 

You had offered to go buy coffee for your best friend on the night you arrived in Seoul. As she was unpacking at the hotel, you went to find a coffee shop and found one nearby. And before going back, you decided to take a little walk because the night life of the city was intriguing. But regarding your horrible sense of directions, you got lost. You looked around and asked the first guy that looked a little put together at this late hour where the hotel was. 

And he went as far as walking you back there. The guy was very friendly, and his Australian accent which was just as thick as yours reminded you of your home. When you arrived at the hotel, you didn’t want to let him go, and it seemed like it was the same for him. Jake asked for your numbers, and with a big smile on your face, you accepted. That night, he left with the promise of taking you out to show you the best spots of Seoul, and you left with butterflies already coming alive in your stomach. 

Jake felt the exact same, and he didn’t chicken out. He respected his promise, and he made you visit Seoul through and through. Sometimes, your best friend would come with you, and sometimes, you and Jake spent some time alone. You didn’t know why, but it felt like you had known him for years. You felt comfortable with him, late night walks while talking about your lives and deep subjects were not a rare occurrence. It was perfect, and you didn’t want to leave. 

You never put a label on what you and Jake were, partly because it was not necessary - both of you knew exactly what you were without needing to name it - and partly because it would make things too serious, because it would make it real, because you had to leave soon, and that it was scaring the two of you. So you never mentioned the fact that you would have to go home at some point, you never mentioned that you loved him or that he loved you, you never mentioned that you fell for him at first sight even if it was the truth. 

You only started traveling because you wanted to discover new things, but now that you met Jake, all you wanted was to settle with him for the rest of your lives. You knew it was impossible - Jake had a busy life, and you had to come back for your job, for your family. You couldn’t leave your whole life behind for a guy you had met a month ago. You couldn’t but you wished you could. So bad. 

The day you left, it was like your heart was ripped out of your chest. Jake came to the airport with you to say goodbye, not farewell, because he didn’t want to believe that it was the last time you were seeing each other. But he hugged you like it was the end, kissed you like it was all over, and it hurt more than you could’ve imagined. You left with the promise of texting each other from time to time, but life came back to normal, and it felt odd to talk through messages when you were so used to his smile, to his embrace, to his comforting presence by your side. 

Slowly, you started to drift away from Jake. You didn’t want that, it was the last thing you needed actually, but it was so complicated to maintain a relationship with someone that was in another country, miles away from you. And Jake felt the same. He wanted this to work, wanted you to work, but he just couldn’t force fate to go his way. Still, he called you from time to time, to check on you, try to keep alive the illusion that you two had a chance anyway. 

“- Where have you been ? Do you know if you’re coming back ?”

The question hurt part of you you didn’t know were wounded, and you took a long time to answer, Jake falling silent on the other line. 

“- I don’t know… It’s tough here, I have to take care of my mom, and I need the money, I can’t leave my job like that.

- Then I can come see you myself, help you for a few months.”

As much as the idea was tempting, you both knew that it wasn’t an option. 

“- You can’t do that Jake. 

- I know, but I wish I could.

- I wish many things could’ve happened, but they never do.”

You wished you could’ve stayed with him, you wished you could’ve spent your life traveling all around the world by his side, you wished you could’ve died in his arms. But life had other plans for you, other plans you didn’t like but had no choice following. Tears welled up in your eyes as you heard Jake sniffling on the other end of the call. It was hard enough to know that you would never know what his kisses felt like again, but hearing him struggling just as much as you was even more heartbreaking. 

“- Fuck… What did I do wrong for me babe ?”

You didn’t know, but it wouldn’t stop you from trying to find someone or something to blame for this loss for the rest of your life. There was no reason, though, you were just too close to the stars. You never knew somebody like him - Jake was unique, the only one right for you, the only one made for you. But you couldn’t be together, and it hurt to know that he was just one phone call away, but also oceans apart. 

PARK SUNGHOON - PREY

Talking about your emotions and feelings had always been tricky for you. Maybe it was because your parents never really gave you enough space to express yourself, or maybe it was simply because you were always categorized as shy and introverted, and that no one ever encouraged you to speak up. Either way, it made everything complicated for you. You didn’t really know how to communicate well with people, especially those you loved. And it also made opening up to somebody else very difficult.

One of the few people you felt close and comfortable with was Sunghoon. He was everything you could ask from a friend : caring, attentive, a good listener and always here for you when you needed him. Though, you never told him that, never told him when something went wrong. No, he always guessed it by himself and offered you his support without asking for anything in return. And it felt good to have someone not forcing you to talk about your feelings when you didn’t know how to, when you didn’t want to. It felt good to have someone listening to the few you had to say and staying by your side when you needed some silence. 

Sometimes, you wanted to say more when he asked you questions about how you felt. Sometimes, you wanted to say the truth instead of telling him that you were alright when he was asking you how you were doing. Sometimes, you wanted to break down in his soothing embrace and tell him all about your emotions. But something always held you back. Everytime you opened your mouth, everytime you thought you were ready to finally open up, no word would go past your lips. 

At first, you didn’t feel guilty. Sunghoon kept on telling you it was alright, that you didn’t need to share your feelings for him to help you, that he could simply hold you until you felt better. He believed that he could get you to speak up over time. But as your relationship progressed and became more than just friends, it also became clear to Sunghoon that you would need more than just a little reassurance to open up to him. 

He tried to do everything he could so it would be easier for you to talk, but nothing seemed to work. And even if Sunghoon knew that you loved him, never hearing it from you when it was the first thing he told you every morning started to hurt. You never communicated, always letting him guess what you were feeling instead of trying to figure it out by yourself. You knew it wasn’t right, but it was so much easier like that, so much easier when Sunghoon knew exactly how to put words on his emotions and yours most of the time. 

Despite him being careful and patient, it sometimes led to arguments because you couldn’t talk, you couldn’t tell him what you felt. He was always the first one to come back to you everytime, even when you were the one to blame. And again, you knew it was wrong, but it was easier. And like every time, Sunghoon will take you aside and tell you what was on his mind, but you, you’ll just keep it inside, probably tell him that you were alright.

“- We need to talk, Y/N.”

The words froze the blood in your veins, a lump forming in your throat and making it hard to breathe suddenly. Despite your anxiousness, you still sat down with Sunghoon on the couch and let him take your hands in yours. You could lie to yourself as much as you wanted, but deep down, you knew what he wanted to talk about. 

“- Maybe it’s just me but… You don’t seem very well lately.

- No, I’m good…”

Sunghoon sighed in defeat. He could hear your voice quivering, and the uncertainty of your tone. And he knew you too well, knew that you were not telling the truth. But if you weren’t talking to him, if you didn’t let him help you, he couldn’t be your savior. 

“- Stop lying, please. Something is off, I can’t explain. But you know what I mean, don’t you ?”

In the three years you’ve known each other, Sunghoon never saw you cry until that day. And the sight was so painful he almost wished he never said anything. Immediately, he pulled you into a hug, and let you cry on his shoulders for as long as you needed. He told you that he would always be there for you, and he wasn’t joking. 

“- If you don’t ask, I won’t tell. Just know that it all hurts. But I don’t know how to explain it, and it’s so hard, Hoon. I can’t take it anymore…”

It wasn’t much, but for you, it was progress nonetheless. And even if you were still scared, even if you were still afraid, Sunghoon’s soothing presence by your side with every step you’d take was comforting. And you knew that the path would be long and exhausting, but with him, it seemed a little less difficult to go through.

KIM SUNOO - SWEATER WEATHER

You had always been very quiet in your friends groups. Not that you didn’t like them, or that you were not interested in the conversations, but you simply liked to listen to people talking rather than doing that yourself. Plus, it was sometimes a little hard to speak up when you were quite shy and that all your friends were pretty loud. You liked that about them because they always managed to cheer you up when you felt down, but sometimes, you felt a little left out. 

But Sunoo noticed every time, and he made sure to include you in the group conversations. He had always been so caring and sweet with you, always the first to ask about your day or how you’ve been, always the one who would stay at the back to wait for you while you were tying your shoelace. You sometimes felt a little guilty, not wanting to hold him back for spending time with your other friends a little more. But his presence by your side was so comforting that you wanted to be selfish and keep it that way for as long as possible.

So when you noticed that your feelings for him were turning into something more, you weren’t exactly surprised. After all, how could someone not love Sunoo ? He was an angel, and you weren’t really sure you deserved all the attention he was giving you, but you still craved more. You kept it for yourself for months, because you were too afraid of losing your friendship with him. And one day, it slipped from your mouth, as if you unconsciously knew it was time to say it. You were waiting for him to be as sweet as always, but to a rejection nonetheless. But instead, you were met with the brightest smile you had ever seen and he told you that he loved you too. 

It was honestly perfect, you couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend than him, for a better relationship than what the two of you had. Sunoo was still sweet and caring, but he didn’t have any shame being obvious about his affection now. Life with him felt like a dream that you never wanted to wake up from. And yes, you noticed that he could be really protective sometimes, but you knew it was only because he cared about you a lot, and that he wanted you to be safe at any moment. 

Sunoo drove you to work every morning, and came to pick you up when you got out at the end of your shift, never letting you take your own car or the bus because he wanted to spend as much of his time with you. It made your heart warmer each time he did something like this. Even when he insisted on coming with you on your nights out with your friends because he wanted to make sure that no one would bother you, you still didn’t find it strange. He was worried about you, there was no harm in that, right ? 

You had an epiphany the day you told one of your colleagues how Sunoo would always choose your outfits so you could match, never letting you have a say in that and you let him because he made you so happy, it was such a small thing to make him happy in return. And when she explained that it wasn’t normal for your boyfriend to do that type of thing, you didn’t want to believe her at first. You denied, pretending that she just couldn’t understand how strong your bond was. 

But little by little, you started to notice how controlling Sunoo had become. He never let you go out without him under the excuse that he just wanted to spend more time with him. He always insisted that you had your locations activated at all times so he could make sure that you weren’t in danger. He did all sorts of things that slowly made you feel oppressed, trapped. But it was hard to believe that he could be this kind of guy. When it was just you and him, there was nothing he wouldn’t wanna tell you about, nothing he would hide from you.

“- It’s no big deal, baby. We’re just going to have a coffee and catch up. It’s been years since I saw her, I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity only because you can’t drive me there. 

- Well, I won’t let you go home by yourself if it’s already dark outside. So if you really want to go, you must be home before the sun sets.”

You look at your boyfriend, a little dumbfounded that he could really make a fuss over this. You were so excited to meet up with your childhood friend, but he just killed all your eagerness.

“- But it’s impossible Sunoo ! If I do that, I will not even be able to spend more than an hour at the café. I won’t risk my life just because I’m gonna take the bus to go home for once in my life.

- Then you don’t go, it’s as simple as that. It’s too cold for you here, the world is too cold, you’re gonna get hurt and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

It was ridiculous, you were able to see it clearly now, and you didn’t understand how you could’ve been so blind to all the toxic things he did until now. And if inside, this place was warm before, and that outside it started to pour whenever you wanted to go out, you thought that you wouldn’t mind a bit of rain right now, that you didn’t mind breaking free and choosing what you wanted to do for yourself. It couldn’t hurt, right ?

YANG JUNGWON - CRY BABY

The first time you met Jungwon, you were five and you played together for a whole afternoon at the park. And after that, you never left each other’s side. You went to the same middle school, same highschool. You were always seen together. When someone searched for Jungwon at school, they knew they just had to find you, and it went the other way around too. You were truly inseparable - he was your best friend, your confident, the first person you thought about when someone talked about love. 

You always knew that Jungwon wasn’t made to stay still on a chair for hours, though. So when he told you about his dream of becoming an idol, you weren’t surprised. So you simply smiled at him, and reminded him that you would always be there for him, no matter what life choices he would make. You held out on your promise and you supported him throughout his journey. Sometimes, he would not answer your texts for a few days because he had a lot of things in his mind, but you didn’t care - you knew that he would always come back to you either way. 

And Jungwon was more than grateful to have you by his side, cheering for him, always here when he needed it. He tried to be just as present for you, because if it wasn’t for your support and encouragement during all these years, he didn’t know if he would’ve made it. Everything had inevitably changed ; because he became an idol, and because you were a college student now, but some things stayed the same and it was enough for the both of you. 

Sometimes, your mother and some friends would make jokes about how Jungwon and you looked like a couple from the outside. And you always laughed it out because there was no way these types of feelings would ever be involved in your friendship. But as time passed, you started to notice all these things people were doubting about too. You noticed how you always found a way to talk about Jungwon, even when it was not relevant. You noticed how he always seeked your presence, always sitting close enough to you so that your legs were pressed against each other. You started to notice how you were in a little bubble, far away from everyone else, when you were with him. 

You never doubted that what you felt for Jungwon was only a strong sense of friendship before, but now, you couldn’t help but see what everyone seemed to have understood a while ago. It looked like you were in love with him, and the more time passed, the more you realized how true it was. And it was scary ; because you didn’t want to lose your best friend, because you didn’t want to mess up your relationship with your stupid feelings, because it would be selfish to ask for even more of his time and attention with his busy lifestyle. 

“- Why don’t you date ? You could have every girl you want but you’re still single.”

You looked over at Jungwon on the swing next to yours who shrugged nonchalantly. You got out together for a late night walk because neither of you managed to find some sleep. The question was threatening to escape from your lips since you acknowledged your feelings for him. And if before, you would’ve teased him, now you wanted an honest and serious answer, maybe because you wanted to gauge if confessing was worth the risk.

“- I don’t have much time for that, plus what tells me I’m not gonna end up meeting a crazy fan pretending to not know me ?

- Then what about the other idols you know ? At least, they wouldn’t be some kind of psychopaths. 

- Too risky, for me and them. 

- Then what about another friend ?

- What are you trying to make me say, Y/N ?”

One look into your gaze that he learned to know each and every detail over the years was enough for Jungwon to understand everything. 

“- Are you being serious ?

- I am.”

He looked down at his feets for a few minutes, not really knowing what to answer to that, too many things running in his mind at the same time for him to clear it up. But you had already sensed the direction of his next sentence. You could taste it - your heart was breaking. But it still hurt less than what he said. 

“- I know I’ll fall in love with you, baby. If I just let myself do that, I know I would. But that’s not what I wanna do. I need to focus on my career. The boys count on me, I don’t want another scandal, and I don’t want you to be involved in all of this. It’s too many risks I don’t want you to take, and that I don’t want to take either.”

It hurt but you nodded despite the silent tears rolling down your cheeks. You watched straight in front of you, missing the pained look on Jungwon’s face. The sun was coming out, but he was feeling colder. He knew it was the right choice, the only one he could sensibly make, but it still felt horrible to make you cry as if he wasn’t just as in love with you, as if his own eyes weren’t filled with tears. It was the right choice, but was it the best ? 

NISHIMURA RIKI - SOFTCORE

The first time you told your mom that you wanted to become an idol, she yelled at you and warned you that you better find another career to pursue, something more valuable, something more serious. But you had already made your mind, already knew that this was what you wanted to do with your life. Luckily for you, your dad was much more supportive. Your parents had been divorced for some years, and you preferred to live with your dad anyway, so when you were fifteen, you moved out to his place in Seoul. 

Your dad welcomed you with open arms, and it felt good to have someone behind you, someone who had your back, someone who was there to cheer for you and encouraged you to do what you loved. Thanks to him, you succeeded and got engaged by a company. You were one of the youngest at that time, and it was what brought you closer to Riki in the first place, as you were nearly the same age. At first, you only stayed with him because he was the only trainee that was not at least two years older than you - you felt comfortable by his side even if you weren’t talking to each other most of the time. 

And one day you brought some home cooked meal from your dad, and Riki asked if you minded sharing with him. So you ate what your dad had made together, and you discovered that you had, in fact, a lot of things in common. From this point on, you talked with each other non stop - teasing him right back when he pulled pranks on you and playing games until the late hours of the night together. 

But Riki was also the one you leaned on when everything felt too much, when everything was too hard to bear. You loved your dad immensely, really, but he couldn’t really get a grasp of what it meant to be in this industry at such a young age. You wanted this, it was your dream. But it didn’t mean that sometimes it wasn’t difficult. Meanwhile Riki experienced the same thing as you did, he understood perfectly how you felt because he felt exactly the same. And he was there for you when you needed him, and even if he had a little more trouble admitting it sometimes, he counted on you too when it was too hard to deal with it alone. 

Both of you felt incredibly grateful to have found each other, so it was no wonder that more than friendly feelings started to develop between the two of you. It all felt natural, as if it was meant to happen. At first, you didn’t say anything, because there was still this fear inside of you that Riki didn’t share your feelings. But the way he was hugging you, the way he was looking at you, the way he wouldn’t let go of your hand once he grabbed it - it was all too raw, too sincere to mean anything else. 

A lot of your first times in life were already with him, and it went on like that. Riki was your first kiss, your first date, your first love. It was all perfect, until it wasn’t. Slowly, it started to feel more like a chore than a pleasure to spend time with your boyfriend. Sometimes, you would spend three hours at his dorm, waiting for him to get off of his video games. Sometimes, he would come to your dorm just to sit in silence while you were both scrolling through your phones. Slowly, it started to feel like you were drifting apart. Riki claimed that it was because both of you were busy with your lifestyle. And if part of that was true - because being an idol and in a relationship at the same time wasn’t easy to deal with - you knew there was also something else, something he refused to tell you about. 

When you confronted him about everything you felt, Riki brushed it off. It was another first - your first argument. But you would have preferred to never experience this first time with him as this fight was only the start of a long series. Riki wouldn’t tell you what was wrong, and he would complain that you were sharing too much, then be mad at you for ignoring him for a few days because you were hurt. You wanted to be comprehensive, because you knew he was going through a rough patch even if he didn’t want to talk about it, but it was all too much for you to bear. You had your own life, your own concerns, your own problems. And every time you kissed him, you could hear the sound of breaking down. 

“- I’m not asking a lot from you Riki ! Only that you pay attention to me, is that too much ? You were the one who texted me to come over, if you wanted to not be alone, you could’ve called Jake or Sunoo.”

Tears were starting to fill up your eyes and you took a deep, shaky breath to try and hold them back. The lack of response from your boyfriend that was still quietly playing his game prompted you to turn around and walk to the door. You were tired of all this - sharing your heart, it was tearing you apart. But you knew you’ll miss him if you left right now. Hearing the sound of your footsteps going away, Riki finally got up, walking up to you, anxiety eating up his gaze. 

“- Wait ! I’m sorry, Y/N. I just… Nevermind. We can do whatever you want now.”

You wanted to say yes so bad, but you couldn’t keep going like that. You shook your head, trying to hide your tears from him. 

“- It’s too late. You keep pushing me away like that, and it hurts. I want to help you Riki, I really want to, but if you don’t let me do that, then I think it’s better if we break up.”

The horror on his face told you exactly what you thought : he wasn’t ready to let you go, he needed you even if he didn’t know how to communicate, how to let you help him. And truly, you weren’t ready to let him go either. So rather than walking away from him, you took a step forward and you hugged him tight. Riki immediately fell into your embrace, whispering quietly all the things that had been on his mind. If only he had done that sooner, if only he hadn’t been such a coward, if only he had listened to his heart telling him that you were his savior rather than his brain telling him to get away from you because he wasn’t good enough for you. 

“- Aren’t we too young for this ?

- Maybe. But at least we’re together.”

You still felt trapped, you still felt like something was wrong, but with Riki in your arms, it made all the noise a little quieter, at least for a moment. And you were gonna use this, use him as a medicine for as long as possible.

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my work.

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@hann1bee @bbgnyx @heevllog @puppy-minnie @binniesbabygirl @lichyuu @foxinnie8 @lala-----------lala @hyunstxns @seomisaho @han-to-my-minho @dylanobr1ens @straytiny127

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@emmaluvsjisung

[moonstruckme]

OK WAIT I COOKED combine doctor rem and whimsical reader where the reader is telling rem about all of these mystical beliefs about health and sickness and he’s just humoring her

You cooked babe !

doctor!Remus x whimsical!reader ♡ 476 words

Remus startles a bit when you wrap your arms around his midsection, your footsteps were so noiseless on the kitchen floor. He chuckles quietly as his heart calms, rubbing your wrist where it rests over his belly button. You lay your cheek against his back. 

“Hello,” he says warmly, picking up another dish from the dirty pile and dunking it in the soapy water. 

“Would you ever want to take my diffuser to work with you?” you ask. 

Remus hums, more than used to your seemingly spontaneous questions. “You really like it,” he says, “so I wouldn’t want to take it from you. Why?” 

“I could use another one,” you reply airily. “I thought it might be nice for the people who come to see you. I could give you some peppermint oil to help heal them.” 

“To heal them?” 

“Mhm. It’s good for nausea and respiratory issues, plus it’d be nice for if they’re nervous, too.” 

“I don’t know, sweetheart.” He sets the bowl he was washing in the drying rack. “That’s very considerate of you, but I don’t know if my patients would appreciate it as much as you do. And, ideally, they’re getting all the medical help they need from me.” 

You melt deeper into his backside. Remus chuckles, wiping his hands and turning in your arms. You make a happy sound as he grasps the back of your neck in one hand, fingers still damp, and settles the other on the small of your back. 

“It never hurts to have extra help,” you say, turning your face up to his. He tunnels his fingers into the hair at the base of your scalp. “Remember last week, when I had that awful headache but it was really just because my energy was out of balance?” 

With great effort does Remus repress his sigh. You’d laid on the couch with a rock on your forehead after saying something about energy fields, and the only reason the pain had eased was because he’d decided he wasn’t above crushing up a pain reliever and stirring it into your tea. You’d been quietly pleased with having realigned your magnetic fields or whatever for the rest of the afternoon, and your boyfriend hadn’t had the heart to clue you in. 

“You never know what could be the real root of the problem,” you hum. 

He drops his lips to your forehead. “I suppose you’re right.” 

You give him a smile that feels like the breeze coming off the sea. Remus’ own lips turn up in response. 

“I’ll get you a new diffuser to replace yours,” he says. “Thanks, dove.” 

“Don’t worry about it, I have a spare.” You let go of his waist to twine your arms around Remus’ neck, kissing him sweetly. “It’s cute that you thought I’d only have one, though.” 

Yeah, he’s the cute one.

[ronearoundblindly]

I am sorry but I'm going to need a Ransom story with this prompt. It can be RoaR or a one-off, he can love it or hate it in this space, he can see it over Reader's shoulder on the computer screen, your choice!

o.0 oh boi oh boi oh boi! Fall Vibes but it's gonna be my summer challenge submission to @the-slumberparty's Sundae Bar, featuring the flavors Cookies and Cream (soulmates) and Rocky Road (rags to riches) with the topping Oreos (marriage of convenience (reluctantly)). Also my second entry for @stargazingfangirl18's Birthday Bonenanza, featuring a babe in love and cranky about it + "can you just...hold me please?"

For Show Ransom Drysdale x poor!soulmate!reader

Summary: Ransom hates that you--his soulmate and wife--are nothing like him.

Warnings for smut and Ran's a**hole brain (rude, nasty thoughts that he barely even believes). Classic Lexi--this is cheeky, y'all, but you know it's because I can't help myself... MINORS DNI. Find all-age friendly fic on my Light Masterlist. WC 2.1k

Ran didn’t believe in love to start, but this is fucking ridiculous. Opposites attract? Get wrecked, asshole. He’s keeping opposites on the other side of the house. It’s not far enough.

It’s standard practice for the confirmation of matching soulmarks to act as a de facto marriage contract—common law, if you like,—and Ransom Drysdale fought tooth and nail to make you prove you had his name on you. He needed to see it with his own eyes or fuck that shit.

His is obvious; he can show it off. In fact, Ran is surprised by how long it took you to come forward, considering his family and status, considering his lifestyle of being very visible.

But no, he had to wait for a fucking database to pop out record of his match from your healthcare provider, and he had wait for that because the government knew about your health…because they know such things…about people who need their fucking money. The registration of soulmarks puts the financial responsibility on the soulmate if they end up having the means.

Now Ran is responsible for you, a woman he made lower the front of her panties in open court to reveal his goddamn name in his own goddamn handwriting imprinted right above her goddamn cunt, and suddenly it became his cunt, his problem, his responsibility.

You’re not even fun. You had no money and didn’t care to have any, so you moved your few, ratty belongings into his home, replacing nothing, offering nothing in return for his—well, in return for every fucking thing he has now being yours, too. It’s so fucked.

You don’t want to show off, and he has no intention of showing you off. He can’t be seen with you, not without the proper clothes or jewelry, and you refused to get them. Instead, Ransom leaves you alone in the house, doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants, as always. He won’t talk to you because he just gets furious every time. He’s not going to have deep conversations about the state of the world, though he might have one social justice issue he can fight for: the mother-fucking law that made you his wife without question.

Ran slams the kitchen cabinet storing all-white, matching stoneware mugs when he notices what’s missing: your single, sad, flea market mug. It’s clay so it always looks dirty, and he hates it.

He lightly punches his own neck in irritation.

He didn’t stand a chance fighting the marriage, not with your name in deep, port red letters creeping up his throat, higher than any turtleneck he’s ever owned. Coupled with his legal name resting snuggly beneath your pubes, it was obviously, technically accurate that you’re soulmates. When was the last time someone challenged that system, he thinks. That might be a better use of his money than—

Where are you anyway?

For all his annoyance, he hasn’t set eyes on you for days.

His house is large enough (and he spends so much time anywhere else) that you have your own room, which you didn’t question, and the kitchen is easy enough to share when one of you eats out with other people (as he does two to three times a day). You get the slightly bigger and more formal living room while Ran gets the den with the big TV. Really it’s been the perfect system for almost forgetting you exist.

He pours tea into his clean, white mug and leaves said big TV fairly loud on some program he wasn’t paying attention to, leaning over the granite countertop to see if he can spot you from this angle.

No luck.

He steps closer, sipping.

A little closer, more sipping, a purposeful smack of his lips to grab your attention if you are just around the corner.

There are two openings, both far larger than doorways, to the living room, each through the central hall. When he doesn’t immediately see you, he steps to the farther opening. What the—

What’d you do to his couch?

Is that every single pillow and blanket from your side of the house?

Did Yankee Candle Company throw up in here?

What, the fucking fireplace wasn’t enough ambiance for you? You had to make some sort of nest with his stuff? And there’s that ugly-ass mug, no coaster, on his super-expensive, reclaimed hardwood coffee table.

A pillow shifts.

No, not a pillow; it’s your back, and when you shift again, Ran sees one of the plush throw blankets slink farther down your bare skin. It’s the largest swath of your body he’s ever seen.

You lay with your arms folded, peering out the windows behind the couch, and you still haven’t fucking noticed him.

He huffs before realizing he isn’t listening to the faint TV anymore, but when he ticks his head, he sees your TV isn’t on either.

“”I think of nothing but you as I fall asleep at night”—” Ran hears a woman’s voice fake a deeper tone before switching to normal “—Javier says, pulling her soft curves into his hard body—”

You sigh dreamily and wiggle on the cushions. The blanket slides over the swell of your ass.

Ran stops moving mid-sip of tea.

“”Please, my darling, let me have you—“ this is fucking terrible, he thinks “—as only a lover can.””

Alright, now Ransom is just sad. You’re naked in his living room, rubbing your thighs together and listening to an erotic novel on your phone.

“Chloe felt his digits dance across her clavicle, his eyes enchanted by her heaving bosom…”

Go out to a club or restaurant with him? No. Wear nice clothes he could buy you? Nope.

“”Javi,” she gasps, distracted by his rough palm groping her breast hungrily, “I can’t believe you want me.””

Ran is going to fucking gag at the whining appall in the narrator’s voice.

Why listen to this awful shit instead of show off him as your husband? From the quick shiver racing down your spine and the curl of your toes where they hang over the cushion’s edge, it’s because you’re fucking horny for it.

Good god, how low are your standards?

He stalks forward, feet hitting the floor hard until he reaches the plush rug.

Startled, you peer over your shoulder at him, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights, and you begin scrambling to recover yourself.

Ran puts his cup down by yours. “Don’t move,” he orders, and to his surprise, you obey, keeping you head turned his direction and sinking back into the pillows.

“”How could you doubt? From the moment I met you, I adored you.””

He swivels to face the same direction as you, reaches out his hand and mime the stroke he’s contemplating tracing over your curves.

“”I’m yours,” Chloe breathes, Javier’s growing member signaling his desire against her silk-covered core.”

Ran finally bends until the tip of his middle finger grazes the inside of your thigh.

As he drags it over one cheek and down the other, you whine and push your ass toward his hand.

That’s…not bad, all things considered. You are his wife, after all, and you clearly want to be fucked. He won’t argue that having some other woman’s name scrawled on him hasn’t limited his game for quite a while. Financially independent or not, when a pussy is presented to him, Ransom will say ‘yes.’

He stops noticing the audio from your phone and just dives in, no sentiments or kind words of his own. He simply unbuckles his belt, pops the button of this jeans, and rips that zipper down before teasing your folds to find enough slick at your entrance to swirl around. He spreads you and your wetness with purpose. Each second that passes drives Ransom a little bit more insane.

Impatient, strung out like a virgin on prom night, he rushes to shove his pants out of the way and kicks one knee up between your legs, his other foot still on the floor. He pumps his fingers inside you until he’s knuckle-deep and nearly dripping, manhandling your hips to the right height to sink his tip into you.

Ran groans at how fucking good you feel. He’s probably just desperate. He’d be excited about any ol’ means to come right now.

He snaps his hips in small thrusts until his whole length glides in and out in seamless stimulation. You’ve buried your face in the pillow, so he can’t hear if you make any noise. He can, however, see your hands scratch at the upholstery and clench into fists. He can see you deepen the arch of your back, angling his dick to fuck just slightly down through your channel. The pressure squeezes the spongy head of his cock like a vice. He’ll never say it out loud, but your pussy is fucking perfect. God fucking dammit.

Ransom relentlessly drives into you, catching the sideview of your breasts bouncing each time his thighs slap yours. He smacks your ass once just to see if it jiggles for him, and that’s when your hand snakes to disappear between your legs. He expects you’re going for your clit which is good because he’s about to get off and get lost, but instead, he feels your soft fingers cup his balls.

He’s so enamored by the sensation that he switches to tiny pulses deep in your cunt while your hand wraps and rolls his sac gently. Twitching and tensing, Ran unabashedly moans until your walls constrict around his length.

He’s got to make you do that again.

Ransom collapses forward to lean over you, his own hand diving to find your clit, resting his palm right over your mound and soulmark. Every inch of his body burns hot with need. He humps wildly, resting his chin over your shoulder.

“”I don’t care how, Javi, just stick it in there. I need you. I need you so badly…””

“Jesus Christ,” Ran growls, “are they still not fucking?”

A giggle bursts from your lips, a sweet, happy sound he’s never heard from you before, and you reach for him. Your palm lands on his soulmark, your fingers curling to scratch the hairs at the nape of his neck, and there’s…there’s…

He can’t comprehend how your body fits his so well. He can’t reconcile this sudden swell of obsession in his gut for you. He’s enveloped in a binary system of souls, gravity tugging at that connection between you.

Ran doesn’t believe in love or destiny. He refuses. He believes in pleasure and perception, in accumulation and ownership.

The only thought left in his static-filled head is mine, mine, mine, mine.

He falls over the edge first, a satisfied shout punctuating each spurt he plants within you, furiously working your messy clit and kneading one breast in his free hand until he feels that squeeze again, and again, and again, dying to a flutter just as your shared cum leaks out around his cock.

By this time, Ran is panting and resting a sizable portion of his weight on you, knees knocked loose in his onslaught, pushing you both flat to the chaise cushion, feet dangling off the end.

You still hold each other’s mark in a comforting palm.

He’s speechless as the room fills with heated love declarations amidst passionate sex and bad dialogue. Ran tries to catch his fucking breath. He’s glad you don’t speak either.

Everything about his life—his past, his present, his future—sits utterly raw in front of him, and he can’t cope.

He makes the mistake of peeling his body off yours, releasing you and dislodging your hand. The cold emptiness which immediately sweeps over him is sickening, and Ran barely waits for you to roll onto your back before he wedges himself between your legs again, instinctually laying on his side, pressing his sweater-clad shoulder against your sopping folds just so he can rest his soulmark right on top of yours.

Euphoria returns to his body and mind, thick like honey and all-consuming.

He doesn’t want to admit it. He doesn’t want to talk about. He doesn’t want to live a moment without you.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

Mercifully, the audio speaks for him.

“”Can you just…hold me please? That was…that was…””

“”So intense,” Javier rumbles, “so beautiful.””

Ransom, the preening trust fund baby, has finally found something all his own, something he doesn’t want to share, something shown only for him.

He refuses, however, to call it ‘love’…

…yet.

[Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

A/N: I'm fine.

[biting-miguel-ohara]

Holiday Blues - Wade Wilson x bunny mutant!Reader x Logan Howlett

A/N: *deep breath in; deep breath out* there are so many things about this fic that I despise. I want to put so many disclaimers about bad writing or sloppy endings or heavy angst. But I said I’d post it if there was interest so here we are. However, THIS IS NOT MY BEST WORK!!! I really just wrote it as a way to channel my anxiety, so if it’s shitty or just bad I won’t be surprised

No taglist for this one

Reader is vaguely implied to be ftm trans during one paragraph of the fic. But it also can be read as a cis male!Reader too

There are a lot of internalized feelings in this, some toxic masculinity, and other uncomfy things. Please read all the warnings and take them seriously before reading

Also, very important. While it’s never directly stated in the fic, I wrote this Reader based off my experiences with RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). However, there’s a lot more going on with me than just that, so I do have to say this is only indicative of my experiences, not experiences with this as a whole. Other things may have crept in as well, simply by the nature of basing this off of me

CW: Reader is dating both Logan and Wade; Reader loves the holidays; Reader comes from a family with holiday traditions; Logan comes off as a bit rude, but it’s for reasons I don’t elaborate on; Reader is a bunny mutant; Reader is sensitive to rejection; Reader spirals fast in this; angst; anxiety; panic; hiding; Reader is hit with a lot of emotions all at once; negative thought spirals; internalized emotions; toxic masculinity moments; crying; humiliation; shame; guilt; Reader’s family is mentioned as a guilt trip; comfort seeking; more shame; there’s lots of shame in this one; prey instincts contributing to the negativity; hugging; comfort; problems are not addressed; Reader bounces back fast; Wade gets Reader’s brain; Wade has implied mental health issues as well; soft moments; quick ending; mild allusions to sexy things; god this reads so bad; okay, here are my disclaimers: bad writing, vent writing, fast-paced writing, sudden ending, and highly-charged emotional states from the Reader

1641 words

It’s no secret among your boyfriends that you love the holidays. Any chance you can get you’re constantly hanging up decorations, planning parties, and preparing food,

It’s some of the few times a year you truly come alive when doing something. It’s your time of the year. Holidays have always been your thing.

It’s tradition, from growing up in your burrow. Everyone would help out, making the holidays a time of family fun and chaos and celebration.

So when you come home to Wade decorating your apartment, you immediately want to help. You’ve barely taken off your sweater before you’re bouncing up to him. “What can I do?”

He gives you a grin, gesturing to the kitchen. “Ask Wolvie. He’s been baking all day.”

It both excites and confuses you. You’re not hosting any parties or going to an event today. So what’s going on?

Still, you head into the kitchen. Logan’s working on a pie, carefully making a beautiful lattice of crust on top.

You place a kiss on his cheek. “Can I help?”

“Ask Wade.”

His answer is short. Quick. To the point. Almost brusque even. You know he’s just concentrating, but it still makes you falter. “Um… alright.”

You head back to Wade, but he just gives you a shrug. “Sorry, handsome, but I think we got it.”

You stand there for a moment before nodding and heading into the bedroom.

You sit on the bed, staring at your hands. Normally, you’d just brush off their responses and find something else to do. But it’s the holidays. You’re supposed to be out there helping.

Their rejection of your help hurts more than you care to admit.

But it’s stupid. It’s just decorations and food. They’ve got it all covered.

You try to tell yourself that, but the hurt still wells up in your chest. You can feel it rising, making your breathing quicken. You grip one of your bunny ears, stroking it in an attempt to calm yourself down. It’s what Wade always does.

Maybe you did something to offend them? Or maybe they were trying to surprise you and you ruined it by coming home early?

You try to think of anything and everything as a reason for their dismissals. It has to be something. It has to be.

Anxiety spikes in your chest and you burrow under the covers. It feels comforting, like you’re back in your home warren for a moment. You curl into a ball, tucking your knees to your chest.

You count your breaths, struggling to slow the beat of your heart. But it’s no real use. The wave of emotions is already here. It crashes into you, drowning you in reasons why and what you did wrong. Over and over, your thoughts spiral.

Your eyes prickle, but you refuse to cry. The only thing worse than feeling like this is having Wade and Logan think you’re dumb for it. You’re a man. You can handle it.

You press your palms to your eyes, but the wetness still seeps out. You can handle it. You can handle it. You can handle it.

You don’t sob. Thankfully. You just cry in silence. Stuttered breaths in and out. In and out. It feels humiliating. You, crying while your boyfriends decorate.

You should be better than this. You should be better than this now. What would your family think if they saw you crying instead of celebrating?

That thought only adds to the shame in your chest and you scrunch up even tighter. You’re not some dumb flopsy bunny anymore. You’re a rabbit. A man. Crying is for flopsy bunnies.

The thoughts continue. Eventually, your silent crying turns to soft hiccups. Your tears dry up, leaving your eyes puffy and itchy.

You don’t get up until you hear the timer ringing in the kitchen. Logan’s pie is done. You can smell it. Apple. Your favorite.

Slowly, you uncurl yourself. You crawl out from beneath the blankets. You change into a pair of boxers and one of Wade’s sweaters. Your comfort outfit. You know it’ll be a tell that something’s wrong, but you need the safety of the fabric.

You open the door to the bedroom and shuffle out. No Wade. You hear him in the kitchen.

You take a moment to use the bathroom. To stare dully at your reflection in the mirror and splash water on your face to try and reduce the puffiness. It… sort of works.

Wade’s knock on the door has you startling. “Oh, bunny boy! Dinner’s ready!”

You flinch, curling into yourself a little. They’re gonna know you were crying. They’re gonna know you were upset over something so stupid. They’re gonna think you’re dumb.

You’re shaking as you open the door. You know it’s your prey instincts. Programmed to carry you away, to keep you safe from any harm. But that doesn’t make it feel any better.

Wade blinks at you as you emerge. His whole body seems to soften. “Hey… What’s wrong?”

He’s always so soft with you whenever you’re upset. Occasionally silly, but so soft. Sometimes you love it. Right now it just makes the pit of guilt in your chest bigger.

“Nothing…” you mumble.

He frowns, but pulls you into a hug. It helps. It loosens the ball of shame, slowly soothing it apart. You take a deep breath and hug him back.

“Everything alright?” Logan, from the kitchen doorway.

You think Wade gives him a look, or maybe he just picks up on the clothes you’re wearing. Either way, you’re enfolded in another set of arms.

“Hey, bunny. What’s wrong?” Logan’s often gentle too. It helps you relax the last bit of the way, the knot in your chest finally unraveling.

“Just… my brain…” You’re now more embarrassed than anything. Why would they think you’re dumb? They’ve always been understanding and loving, especially with you.

Wade strokes one of your bunny ears, the action immediately calming your frayed emotions. Bringing back your peace of mind. “Being a bully again, huh?”

You nod.

Logan rubs your back, his touch gentler than normal. “Was it something we said?”

Damn his perceptiveness. You were hoping to get out of this without an explanation.

You sigh and rest your forehead on Wade’s shoulder. “I just… I wanna help too…”

There’s a moment of silence, then Wade hums. “You can wrap the gift I got Wolvie. It was supposed to be a surprise, but it’s the last thing to do.”

It’s almost embarrassing how quickly your entire self perks up at the idea. You grin, already straightening up. “You mean it? I can help?”

Logan chuckles while Wade matches your grin. “Absolutely, handsome! But first…”

He takes your hands and gives them a squeeze. “Let’s eat. You’ll feel much better once you have food in you. The surprise can wait for later.”

Logan agrees and you give in quickly.

Dinner goes by fast and soon you’re in the bedroom again, this time with a box and gift wrap in your hands. You focus on wrapping the present as Wade sits on the bed. Logan’s busy with food clean up, bustling away in the kitchen.

“We'll always love you,” Wade says, startling you from your task. You look up at him. “What?”

“Whatever your brain says while you’re upset. It’s not true.” He looks at you intently. “We love you.”

You swallow and look down. With anyone else, you’d protest. But you know him. You know him. He’s speaking more than just to comfort you right now.

“I love you too,” you say quietly. “Even on your bad days, I love you too.”

His shoulders relax but his gaze stays on you. He doesn’t say anything more though. He just watches you. It’s a little intimidating, but you let him.

You finish wrapping the box and place a nice big bow on the top. “Done.”

Wade smiles. His expression soft once more. It relieves a burden off your shoulders in some way. Some lingering guilt or whatever weighing you down.

You love him. He loves you. He doesn’t have to say it for you to know he gets your mind almost as well as you do. He struggles with his brain too.

You hold out the box to him, a silent acknowledgment of each other in the air. He takes it, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “You’re adorable in my sweater, you know that?”

It pulls a laugh out of you, lightening the air. “Yeah. I know. Why do you think I wear it all the time?”

He smiles. “Careful, buns. You know how your sassiness gets me going.”

You roll your eyes and grin. “Yeah, yeah.”

You eye the wrapped box in his hands, a spark of curiosity in your mind. “What’s in there anyway? And what’re we celebrating in the first place?”

Wade smirks. “We’re celebrating us. And this?” He shakes the box a little. “This is for later. Consider it my gift to you and Wolvie.”

Celebrating us. The idea warms you like nothing else. Nothing else seems to matter except that. They planned a small thing just to celebrate you and them.

You lean in and kiss Wade. “Thank you. For all of it.”

He softens despite himself, his smile turning warm. “Hey, don’t thank me yet. Wolvie still hasn’t opened his gift yet. Thank me then.”

But he seems to understand. For a moment. Before he smacks your ass lightly and points towards the kitchen. “Let’s go, buns. The Readers and Wolvie can’t wait for the ending forever.”

You blink, but don’t question his words. He’ll explain eventually. For now, you’re just ready to enjoy some pie and find out what’s in Wade’s gift.

After all, knowing him, it’s probably something raunchy. And you could do with something a little stronger than cuddles.

[loveemagicpeace]

🏡Mars in Cancer 🧚🏼‍♂️☕️🧸

Mars in Cancer can amplify your emotional responses and motivations. You may find yourself more driven by your feelings and instincts during this period. Emotional matters become a focal point, and your actions may be more influenced by your inner emotional world. You might feel a stronger urge to protect your loved ones or home. There's a nurturing and defensive quality to Mars in Cancer that can make you more proactive about ensuring the well-being and security of those you care about. Mars in Cancer often brings attention to home life and family matters. This could be a time when you are more actively involved in domestic responsibilities or projects related to your living environment. You might be motivated to make changes or improvements around the home. Mars can bring about emotional conflicts or heightened tensions, especially if you're dealing with unresolved issues from the past. You may find yourself more reactive or defensive during this time. It's important to navigate these conflicts with care and sensitivity. You might also experience internal struggles or conflicts related to your personal security and emotional needs. This can be a period of deep introspection and self-examination. You might feel motivated to engage in activities that nurture and comfort you. It's a good time to take care of your emotional and physical health, perhaps through activities that make you feel secure and cared for. ou might feel inspired to work on home-related creative projects or pursuits that involve expressing your emotions and nurturing your inner world. Mars in Cancer can push you to find comfort and focus more on what you find comfort, meaning, and security in. You will get closer to people who give you care and warmth. And during this time, you can think more about moving or changing your home

Aries rising in your 4th house -your focus will be family. During this time, you can pay more attention to their opinions or what kind of view they have. At the same time, you resist things that you won't like. The relationship with the mother can be more intense and combative. You will feel that the family wants something that you don't. Maybe you will feel that they are asking too much of you. During this time, you can decide to move again and maybe the environment you live in will no longer suit you. You can decide to move to a house or a bigger apartment (or renovate things, especially the kitchen). This house also represents feelings after finished events: so the things you decide to finish during this time will definitely be done and you will be determined. You can also end a love relationship you had or see that the path you are on no longer includes your partner. Above all, during this time, you will be looking for comfort and a safe place in which you will feel safe.

Taurus rising in your 3th house- your focus will be primarily on communication and thinking. Your communication can become more expressive and intense during this time. You can argue more with relatives or with siblings. But you can also hang out with them more during this time. You can travel short distances and have spontaneous, sudden trips, but there can also be some problems or confusion on trips. During this time, you can be more enterprising and brave when it comes to expressing yourself and you won't be afraid to express what you want and you can be sharper with words. This house should also indicate the reason for moving (which means that if you are moving, you may have a solid reason behind it). Long trips of the partner are also included (the partner can travel more during this time). The focus will be on how you perceive the opinions and communication of others, and maybe you will want more than just words and you will want people to do what they said they would.

Gemini rising in your 2nd house-your focus will be mainly on finances, money, comfort, pleasures, food, drink, material things. During this time, you can get more money, but then some problems with it can also appear. Maybe your memory will become better and more transparent, and at the same time you can better remember the actions of other people or correct actions in retrospect. You may lose something, but you also gain something. This house is also connected with inner feelings, which means that you can be more committed to how you feel inside yourself and how you experience something. You can create a new financial plan that you follow. You can also be more arrogant during this time. But you can also be more stressed when it comes to money. You are looking for comfort and where you feel safe (safety will mean a lot to you at this time). Maybe you will give more than you usually do and start investing more in things that mean something to you and have value. Your career path may change, you may travel for work. And if you're traveling long distances, it's a good idea to check your health.

Cancer rising in your 1st house - mars is in your sign, which means that it will bring you many things related to appearance, self-discipline, and expression. During this time, something about you may change (if you have recently gone through difficult periods, this Mars will bring you a lot of courage and strength). Maybe you can start working on yourself more or do sports that will accompany your figure. Your view of the world can become more solid and determined. At the same time, you may become more aggressive or angry than usual. Your body can become stronger. It's good to be careful where you walk or what you do because you can get injured quickly. During this time, you can become more decisive in the decisions you can make. In this house, there are also themes such as: long journeys of children and their religious beliefs, friends of brothers and sisters.

Leo rising in your 12th house - your focus will be on the subconscious, spirituality, unexpected and unpredictable things can happen at this time. You can spend your time more alone and isolated from others. During this time, you can also dream more and have more intuitive dreams than usual. Mars in the 12th House is about focusing on the subconscious mind and hidden aspects of yourself. This transit can bring up unresolved fears, suppressed emotions, or feelings that are usually hidden beneath the surface. You may become more aware of emotional issues that need resolution, which could lead to periods of introspection. Mars transiting through this spiritual house can heighten sensitivity to your environment and emotions, making you more intuitive but also more prone to absorbing other people's energies. You may need time alone to recharge or understand what's happening internally. You may feel drawn to exploring deeper aspects of your psyche, your dreams, or your connection to the divine. It can be an ideal time for spiritual practices, self-reflection, or understanding your higher purpose.

Virgo rising in your 11th house-your focus is on interests, dreams, friends. Maybe during this time you can quarrel with friends and people around you. You become more driven for your dreams and ideas. You start to limit things that are related to you and the people around you. Maybe you will search more for your belonging and who you belong to. You can also become more passionate about social networks and more committed to such things. The way you spend money or what you spend it on can change. Maybe you invest more in what you think is worth investing. Topics: agreements with foreigners in foreign lands, long journeys of loved ones, relationship to entertainment of the spouse, health of uncles and aunts on the mother's side.

Libra rising in your 10th house-your focus will be on your career, visibility and building relationships you have. During this time, you can decide what path you want to take further in your career or what it means to you. The father can play an important role at this time and maybe some things related to him (you can also fight with him earlier). This is the house of destiny, which means that Mars in Cancer can bring you fateful and exciting moments during this period, people who will stay with you in your life. During this time, you can develop your ambitions and goals more. You can get a better opportunity. Even long trips due to money matters are included here, maybe you decide to travel just to get money. And you also earn more money than you expected. You attract more karmic relationships and potential ones. A relationship that may already be ongoing can play an important role in your life and is a relationship that you will begin to build on and invest in more.

Scorpio rising in your 9th house-during this time you can travel more or delve deeper into the things you believe in. You have a greater drive to do something or go somewhere. Spontaneous things can happen to you and you make more spontaneous decisions when it comes to decisions. You can graduate and devote yourself more to studies and things related to learning. Maybe your focus will be more on learning and finding comfort in what you believe and what you don't. You will feel more committed to what you believe in and go deeper into it. During this time you can have more spiritual experiences (perhaps you go somewhere where it will be more spiritual or meet people who are more subject to it). You will begin to think more deeply about what others believe and what you believe and how it manifests itself. The topics here can also be: the key method of a person's consciousness, psychic experiences, potential cause of financial problems, care or neglect of property, a mental spouse (if you have one, it may be very important to you how he thinks/perceives the world, but if you don't have one, these important topics that will prevail), decisions reached in disputes (if you had a dispute with someone, now a decision will be made on how to proceed). Pleasures in love relationships.

Sagittarius rising in your 8th house-your focus is on deeper things, investments, intimacy, other people's money, everything you share with others, secrets. During this time, you can get money from others, start investing more in things that you see will work better in the long run, and you may be inclined to search for the truth more. Maybe you finish something you've been wanting to do for a long time. You can feel stronger and more stable. You have more experience with the astral world and you begin to delve into something deeper. When it comes to intimacy, you will be looking for a partner who will give you some sense of care and inner satisfaction.

Capricorn rising in your 7th house- your focus will be on the relationship (if you're not in it yet, you definitely will be now, especially when it's the last eclipse, which can change everything). You will focus on a relationship with one person and start building a long-term relationship, maybe during this time you will express your wishes more about what you want and what you don't want. What is worth investing in and what is not. You will invest in the relationship and spend more time with this person. You will begin to get to know the person and his characteristics (how he works). You can also sacrifice more and give more than usual. You and your partner can also go through long challenges that will make you stronger. During this time, you can more clearly notice the differences between you and others (you will be more focused on what suits you and what doesn't). That's why you can fight with someone several times and you can also feel more intensity with your partner than otherwise and you start to set your boundaries more decisively. You can achieve something that you have wanted to achieve for a long time now. You can attract more competitors and at the same time you can become more recognizable among people. You can travel short distances for fun. If you're in a romantic relationship, this could be a time when sexual chemistry and passion intensify. You may also feel more driven to make important decisions regarding the future of your relationship, whether that's committing more deeply or setting boundaries where needed.

Aquarius rising in your 6th house- your focus will be on work, health, hygiene, body. Maybe during this time you start working more on your diet and start eating differently. You will have greater focus on your routine and work. During this time, you can buy a pet or spend more time with them in general. You will feel more organized and have a really great focus on what you do during the day itself. You will take more care of your body and health. It is important to watch what you are doing, because during this time you can also be prone to accidents. If you have a partner, you can see more things during this time, which limits being with him. Maybe during this time you realize that your two routines are different. This house also holds: business in other countries, responsibilities to work, practicality, diet. How you dress and what it means to you.

Pisces rising in your 5th house-your focus will be on romance, children, creativity, sports, gambling. During this time, you will be more focused on your happiness and pleasure, so your actions during this time may be more selfish than usual. You can meet someone, or you can continue the romance that you have and it starts to develop and continue even more. During this time, you can also spend more time with your partner and maybe get to know his better friends. You will become more passionate and driven about your hobbies and the things you create. You may feel more passionate about what you do. Maybe you start a sport that you haven't played so far, you do things more impulsively. You can also get some income from property or real estate. You can publish more and share your work with others.

-Rebekah🍓☕️🧸

[nerdyboiyeet]

Parallels I Noticed Between Leo and Prime!!

I've seen many people say that Big Mama is Leo's worst enemy/villain when they got upset with him being paired with one of the Sando brothers.

(Which, obviously she wasn't gonna pair herself with him, but shhhh, another time, Nerdy)

And I agree. . .sorta. She was his worst enemy/villain originally.

But here's what I see when it comes to that. Assigning someone a set villain or enemy typically means at least one of three things can be made; A foil, a connection/comparison, or a parallel.

Raph and Ghost bear? He's Raph's idol, they're both big characters, both rush in and fight, and both solve problems with punching (brawns over brain)

Donnie and Kendra? Both scientific geniuses with a love of purple, both clearly seek some kind of validation and both want their intentions to be seen (think about it- they could stop each other with a tiny robot/invisible device but they wanna be seen doing it instead of using logic :\)

Mikey and Meatsweats? Both love cooking, Meatsweats is Mikey's idol, and both of them are willing to do crazy things for cooking/keeping a kitchen

Now let's go onto the parallels!! May mental health issues ensue!! :)

Prime and Leo have waaaaay too much in common. In fact, it's kinda crazy how many similarities they have.

1- Both use strategy to keep their siblings safe without ever pointing it out

Leo knows what all his family is capable of and how to keep them out of trouble;

“Yeah, go home on a stretcher.”

“And you promised to stop eating our Halloween candy!”

“I knew we couldn't trust spider lady!”

“Hero moves are totally your style.”

And the list goes on and on. Point is- Leo knows his family and actively tries to keep them out of danger and trouble, and his family has no clue.

The same way Prime knows his siblings' capabilities and actively tries to keep them out of danger and trouble, and they definitely got no clue;

He keeps Three by his side nearly the entire length of the movie or close by

He never sends either Two or Three off to fight by themselves, in fact, the one time he has is after their super powerful ship has gotten through and his sister is in a powerful mech suit

It seems like he makes them retreat when they get injured; Two is brought back after her eye is screwed up, and he allows her to fight again only after she's got a giant army with her or her mech

He only let them fight in the first place after sealing off the boys Ninpō and fought them himself

In the bad timeline, you see this;

Look closely!! Two very distinct mech suits out there. Two and Three are out fighting while surrounded by other troops, beneath the Technodrome and victory is absolutely guaranteed.

(There's also a lot more of the three being evil/laughing together in scrapped story boards, but it's too early for me to go searching for them.)

It's something they both try to hide from them/keep under cover.

Cause if they find out? How much they care. . .

What would that mean then?

In Prime's case; A sign of weakness, a way to exploit him.

In Leo's case; What if they don't trust me? What if they expect more from me?

2- Both hide behind a mask of arrogance/ego

Now, it's a bit different for them.

Leo fakes most of his arrogance/ego. Don't get me wrong, he definitely thinks of himself as the most beautiful, but the majority of his bravado is false.

In Prime's case, the majority of his arrogance and ego is genuine, he truly believes he's the best. But when he's proven wrong- he desperately tries to hide behind his typical arrogance.

Leo hides behind witty remarks and deflection, no one sees him cry or be upset. (If I'm not wrong, I think one of the only times you ever see him genuinely cry is when he's alone in the prison dimension)

Prime hides behind rage and strength when he falls/is upset. (“YOU WRETCHED, LITTLE, PEST!” “WIPE THAT GRIN OFF YOUR FACE!”)

Both want to stop whatever has upset/reminds them of their failures ASAP.

Leo rushes in to try and get the key, save Raph, and stop the Kraang. He forgets any strategy in his panic and fear to fix his failure.

Prime rushes in with ruthless blows and sharp words. Desperate to crush the pest that ruined his plans, that caused his downfall, that he was too cocky to take seriously.

Both fail because they were too arrogant.

But here's the difference- Leo stops his arrogance which leads to him succeeding, Prime's so arrogant he fails. Which is where the foil between them comes through;

Prime lost because he was too cocky to stop the sword. You can not convince me that wasn't on purpose/to mock his sword throw.

Leo lost because he was too cocky (or at least trying to seem that way) to not rush in and try to get the key himself/to listen to his team

The foil between them stems from Leo learning and being willing to change, whereas Prime attempts to double down on things.

And now for a comparison that's gonna rock your world :,)

3- They react the EXACT same way when they get upset/have hit their limit.

Both of them freeze when they've realized they've messed up/something goes wrong/it all becomes too much

Look at that. Both just. . .froze. They both look a mix of horrified and stunned. Both just freeze to process everything, the fact that they both failed.

And when that freeze is over, they react the same way too;

That shock, that disbelief, that fear, that misery is promptly replaced by rage.

They both immediately lash out at whoever they believe caused that problem, or reminds them of it, despite BOTH knowing that they only have themselves to blame.

In Leo's case- He rushed in, but immediately goes after Casey (you can't convince me that if Donnie and Mikey weren't there that he wouldn't have hurt him in some way)

In Prime's case- He took them all as a joke/let his arrogance keep him from just defeating them (He toyed with them/mocked them/watched them fight the entire time instead of stepping in and taking it seriously)

They both freeze when things go wrong, and immediately switch to rage when it's been processed that they've failed/messed up.

Some more parallels, that I found interesting!!! ;)

1- Prime only locks away their powers after fighting Leo. He fought all of them at once, but only locked their powers away after fighting Leo specifically. He also seemed to be the only one he actively struggled with fighting

2- In discarded storyboards, Prime is missing a tentacle (it's definitely implied to be because of Leo) and future Leo is missing an arm

3- Both of them get the red glowy glow to their eyes;

I know that's more stylistic, but I thought it was cool.

All in all, they both have a lot of similarities to each other. They share their worst traits, yet also share their best ones; strategy, being cunning, smart, speed, etc.

Some real good angst opportunity then, on either side, just with the simple;

I'm just like him.

[feasibilities]

Afternoon Tea | Jim x Married!Reader

Synopsis: Jim visits his best friend's wife while she's home alone.

Warnings: Soft Fem!Dom, Jealousy, Cheating, Dub-Con, Unprotected Sex, Past Voyeurism, Oral Sex, Guilt

Author's Note: I started classes late last month and had some health issues but I'm doing better. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Jim’s jealousy towards Chris made no sense. He had a beautiful wife and managed 2 children with her with little issue. Why should he be jealous of a marriage to a younger woman that happened because of a midlife crisis? 

“Hey, Jim. Come in.” You beamed. He loved seeing you smile. 

“Hey.” Jim said softly, taking you in. 

“I just came from yoga class, so excuse my attire. Would you like some tea?” You apologized, walking to the kitchen. 

“Sure, no problem.” He replied, distracted by how your leggings hugged your legs and ass. He took a seat at the table to gather himself. Pouring him a mug, you gave him a dish of sugar and lemon. 

“Thank you.” He said warmly. Curious glances were exchanged between you two before he broke the silence. 

“How have things been with Chris?” He inquired.

“Good, I suppose.” You trailed off. Noticing your apprehension, he decided to pry. 

“You sure?” Jim asked.

“Well, Chris wants to have kids but I would like to wait until I finish graduate school. I get that he’s older but this is really important to me.” You revealed, fiddling with your wedding ring. Jim was humored by your youthful vocabulary.

“Having kids is a big responsibility. Danielle and I met at university but waited until we graduated. I know he can be difficult to deal with at times but someone like you can convince him.” He said, sipping out of the mug. 

“You’re so much easier to talk to.” You said, sitting in the chair adjacent to him. Your gaze lingered on him. You felt butterflies in your stomach as you studied his features. Truthfully, he was much more intriguing than Chris. You hated Danielle for getting to him first. 

“How do you keep things exciting? Chris can be good time but you seem way more fun.” You said, scooting closer to him. 

“Oh, I’m no fun at all.” He said, shaking his head with a smile.

“I think you are.” You spoke softly, touching his arm. He tensed at the contact and sat his mug down. Jim was interested in whatever your plans were but worried about the consequences of fucking his friend’s wife. 

“Uh, I think I should go. It was nice speaking with you. Thanks for the tea.” He said politely, standing up. You grabbed his wrist and led him to the living room. Before he could protest, you shoved him on the couch and began undressing. Jim’s face turned bright red when your bra fell to the floor. This was much better than the time he spied on you taking a shower during a family vacation. His lecherous reminiscence was interrupted by you standing over him. 

“Do you want me, Jim?” You cooed, holding his chin. 

“Yes, I always have.” He answered embarrassingly quick. You climbed onto his lap and kissed him harshly. His large hands moved to your ass and massaged the soft flesh. You nipped at his bottom lip. Jim suddenly flipped you on your back and perched between your legs. He stared at you at like a dog waiting for direction. You quickly realized you could get him to do anything you wanted. 

“Go ahead.” You said. Jim’s tongue swirled around your clit as you yanked at his peppered locks. He took in the redolent scent of your trimmed pubic hair. His hands moved up to your breasts and hovered over them. Noticing his hesitancy, you pressed your hands over his and moaned sweetly. His tongue slipped into your damp heat. His pale blue eyes flickered open and his thumbs teased your nipples. You rocked against his face as you chased your high. After cleaning you off, he sat up to catch his breath. 

“Good boy.” You praised, smearing the moisture on his lips. You pulled him down and straddled him. You hurriedly unbuckled his pants and slid them halfway down his legs. 

“Wait-“ Jim started, wanting to use protection.

“There’s no time.” You whispered, sinking onto his length. A low groan escaped him as you slipped your fingers into his mouth. There was a marked desperation in his eyes. You relished in your newfound power. 

“Suck.” You ordered. You felt him suckle on your fingers gently. Rutting against him, you saw that Jim was already close. His heart was beating rapidly and his hands found the soft flesh of your hips. A tender kiss on his forehead made him fall apart. Hot spurts of his seed spilled into you. You embraced him as he came down from his high. Reality seemed to sink in for him as soon as it was over. He was overwhelmed with guilt and dread at the thought of his friend’s wife carrying his child. 

“I’ll take a Plan B. No worries.” You smiled innocently. 

“I-I have to get back for dinner.” He said nervously. 

“Stay.” You cooed. Despite his obligation, he couldn’t pull away from you more than a second.