#Here we get a bit of Sirius backstory!

[suncchaser]

Misogyny in the Marauders Fandom

DISCLAIMER: This is not a personal attack. I have spoken on this topic a couple of times already on this blog and I simply decided to make a separate post to compile all my thoughts on this because this is a topic that is important TO ME. If you find it annoying, or ranty or unnecessary, you are entitled to your opinion. Also, I am not a native English speaker, so I apologize in advance for any possible mistakes. 

Since I created this blog, I have been open about my opinion that the Marauders fandom (and the Harry Potter fandom in general), like many others (I would dare say most others) is incredibly misogynistic. This is an opinion I have held for many, many years and one that I have seen a lot of people share, but usually with a lot of backlash from the people who tend to disagree. And that backlash tends to come with a certain degree of cynicism that bothers me quite a bit. 

Every single time I have seen discussions on this topic, the concept of misogyny being used is always incredibly simplistic. Misogyny isn’t the mere concept of hating women. It goes deeper than that. Every single one of us, regardless of gender identity and sexuality (because some people on this app think being attracted to women absolves them from misogyny), have ingrained prejudices against women simply because of the society we operate in. We are taught these things from a very young age and it’s hard to unlearn them. I am writing this as a 25 year old woman who needs to check herself quite often because I am not perfect and like everyone else, I have these prejudices too. And these biases will manifest on every aspect of our lives and interactions, including on how we engage with fandom because our actions do NOT exist in a vacuum. It’s all a manifestation of who we are as people.

Does this mean every single Marauders fan who chooses to engage with primarily male-centered and mlm content is a horrible person? Of course not. The main point I have been trying to make is more often than not, these biases are not at all conscious. There is no ill-intent behind their actions. That’s why I keep saying it has never been a personal attack on anyone. It has always been a broader discussion on a broader issue. 

One of the most common rebuttals I have seen when this topic is brought up is the idea that the fandom is so male-centered because most of the characters we have any canon development on are men and therefore we should blame J.K Rowling for not writing women better. We can blame J-K Rowling for many things because there are indeed many problematic things in the Harry Potter books, including misogyny in her treatment of female characters. However, that argument does not apply here for more than one reason. 

The first reason and the most blatant is how proudly this side of the fandom has distanced themselves from canon. So, you cannot in one moment say “we don’t care that (insert male character the fandom has decided to assign a sob story) was a bad person in the books because we don’t care about canon” while at the same time, blaming canon for the reason why the female characters do not get a fraction of the attention male characters get. You either care for canon or you don’t. 

The second reason and I have mentioned that several times before is the characters the fandom chooses to develop from the crumbs we get in the books. Regulus, Barty and Evan have been the three male characters who have had a massive surge in popularity since around four/five years ago and at the moment, I would dare say they are the three most popular characters outside of James, Sirius and Remus, who are basically the main characters of this era. While Barty was an important character in the Goblet of Fire, Regulus and Evan are no more than mentions and were not important at all to the story (do not lecture me about Regulus, he has a cool and interesting backstory but it has no impact on the story apart from giving Kreacher substance and make things harder for the trio) and yet, they are incredibly loved. Who they were in canon - blood supremacist terrorists - has been watered down, pushed aside and they have been given characterisations that victimize them and make them more sympathetic towards the audience. Yet, female characters like Marlene and Dorcas, who we know were members of the Order of the Phoenix and actively fighting against Voldemort, are nowhere near as developed as them, even though they have such wonderful potential and are as blank of sheets as the boys are. Same with Pandora, who is the mother of a beloved character in the main series. The fandom had five characters here to flesh out and develop, yet only the male characters were given that treatment. It was a choice. 

One other thing that has bothered me for a long time is how often, the female characters are treated as accessories to further the men’s storylines. They serve as therapists, token friends, a little object to create drama between the mlm ships. Take Pandora and Dorcas as an example. I am not going to lie, I avoid anything related to the Slytherin Skittles and despite my greatest efforts and the fact everything I have learned about them has been against my will, I know and understand the backstories that were created for Regulus, Evan and Barty. I know what their fanon motivations were. I know nothing about Dorcas and Pandora despite the fact I have tried my hardest to look into it because I actually have interest in those two. Because their storylines make no sense, their motivations aren’t explored, they are there to make the three male characters more sympathetic. How does Dorcas go from being a Slytherin student and friends with wannabe DEs and blood supremacists, which was never a dealbreaker for her because she loved them apparently, to being a member of the OoTP, so important that she’s killed by Voldemort in person? What makes you think that Dumbledore would even trust her to allow her in the Order? He wouldn’t. How does Pandora go from being a Rosier, a member of a very prejudiced pure-blood family with a DE father, twins with an aspiring DE and friends with two others (at the very least very prejudiced), and despite being portrayed as super passive and never standing up against them, she is not corrupted by their beliefs and seemingly goes on to raise one of the purest characters in the whole series. Because yes, Pandora raised Luna for nine years of her life, so the way Luna is is undoubtedly a lot to do with how Pandora was. It doesn’t make any sense. But it’s not supposed to make sense because they are there just to serve a purpose and not to be their own characters. 

I have also talked about Lily and how her character has been treated since Jegulus gained popularity. Lily, who was always the most prominent and developed female character in the Marauders fandom, has been sidelined and pushed to the background for the sake of another mlm ship with zero canon basis. James remained one of the most popular characters, a part of one of the more popular ships, still center stage while Lily was the one to be shoved aside in order to make this fandom even more male-centered than it already was.

And since then, her character has been treated horribly. Vilified, humiliated, turned into an incubator, had her son turned into a “jegulus baby” because this fandom hasn’t learned to create OCs when they want mlm ships to have kids rather than take the children from the women and remove them from the narrative (also side-eyeing Wolfstar shippers who do it with Teddy because where the FUCK do you think the name Teddy even came from?). I will leave some examples below:

The bottom line is the interest for female characters and any relationship involving them, whether it’s wlw and wlm, is much less compared to the interest the fandom has for the male characters mlm ships. And there is no explanation for this apart from misogyny. And like I said above, it may not be ill-intended or conscious but it doesn’t change what it is. Whenever I see defensiveness on this topic, whether here on Tumblr or on Twitter, I always check their pages and I find the same thing nearly every time. They will have a wlw ship on their bios that they never mention a single time in the midst of their 200 posts per week on their favourite mlm ship. They will scream to the skies they do not ship Jily because they headcanon Lily as a lesbian and it has nothing to do with their favourite mlm ship but the only lesbian Lily is mentioned on their pages is indeed in relation to their favourite mlm ship. 

Instead of attacking people, maybe it would be better to reflect a little on why you refuse to engage with content about the women and only seem to have any interest about the men. And if you find yourself not caring, at least acknowledge why you don’t care about your internalized misogyny rather than becoming defensive about it.

[greenerteacups]

Would LOVE to hear more re: Lily Evans as the bolter of you want to share more about that idea

Ogh god I have So Many thoughts about Lily and the Marauders in general because I had to basically do a full outline of the Backstory in order to have context for the living Marauders' backstories, but here is my official Harry's Mom Was A Player dissertation:

I like the idea that Lily grows up with relatively few people around (we only see her with Petunia and Snape, which you could read as a function of Snape's perspective, but I prefer to read it as Lily and Snape being "those weirdos in the corner of the playground making Potion in the dirt" buddies). From that, she becomes pretty closed-off emotionally, and despite having general charisma and kindness, she's pretty hard to connect with. Nice, but a little brusque. She's glad to help you with your homework, but when you invite her to Hogsmeade, she'll smile and make a vague excuse, and you'll never hang out again.

This would also explain why she and Snape remain friends for five years, despite being in different houses and having a lot of political differences: he's one of the few people she's vulnerable with. So we're picturing this Lily who's beautiful, charismatic, clever, but also very closed-off and hard to find. I.e. 100% the kind of person who attracts a lot of admirers, but doesn't actually get close to any of them.

My headcanon for her is a long series of two-month relationships running from around fifth year through sixth, none of them very intense, and petering out around the time that the other person starts asking for labels or commitment. Because (a) she's Busy, but (b) she's not really comfortable with any of them. And so she gets a bit of a (slightly mistaken) reputation as an ice queen.

We know Lily and James started dating in seventh year, after he "stopped being an asshole." ACCORDING TO SIRIUS. This is his account of his best friend's love story. A lot of the read here turns on (1) how much you think James told Sirius about him and Lily, and (2) how much of that Sirius wants Harry to know, as someone trying to protect James's memory.

"He was a cad" is obvious big James energy, especially since we know (1) he's an unserious arrogant jock for most of his Hogwarts career, and (2) she would have absolutely no reason to take him seriously if he expressed interest in her, because — he's a dumb kid! And a bully, from her point of view.

Because they're not close, verging on antagonistic, I tend to think that his interest in her actually was superficial to start with — based on her looks or her reputation (or both). Which, of course, plays right into her issues with intimacy and not being really Seen by anyone. And the ritualized game of his pursuit only contributes to her disbelief in its sincerity.

So basically, by seventh year, you have these two incredibly desirable, successful, popular people who are both in fact really locked-up and struggle with sincerity, but have the beginning of real feelings for each other, and are freaking out about that.

And then you get a great Player4Player love story about intimacy and the mortifying ordeal of being known.

[moonlightdancer26]

rant abt james for me bc i hate him with a burning passion

thank you my luv it’s been a while since I made an anti James post 😘

(@ my beautiful followers, if you like James this post ain’t here for you <3)

Aight, let’s get to work:

I honestly can’t understand why people love James so much. Like, I get thinking “oh I wish we could’ve seen more content of James/the Marauders” is okay bc the Marauders era is one of the most interesting things about the series……. but having a whole ass FANDOM for him when he literally didn’t even have 20 whole lines in all 7 books and basically being a plot device with zero relevance?? And then attacking and acting superior to fans who like the original series?? Where did all this audacity come from? 😭

Also?? The longest scene we see with James in it has him choking someone with soapsuds (aka waterboarding.. which is a known torture method), harassing and blackmailing the girl he likes, threatening to hex her when all she was doing was defending her friend, AND SEXUALLY ASSAULTING ANOTHER BOY FOR NO REASON (oh sorry hold on I remember, the reason was bc “he exists” and “Sirius was bored”). I genuinely cannot fathom how people can read all that and then think “oh yeah James was def a good guy, anyway Snape totally deserved it.” Every scene we see (emphasis on see, I’m not relying on James’s best friend to simply tell us how “awesome sauce” he was 🤷‍♀️) James in has him being absolutely awful just for the hell of it, JKR really thought she could have one of his besties say “oh well he actually kinda deflated his head a lil bit so it’s oKaY Harry” and then get away with it 💀

Anyway, not only does James suck, but he’s also ✨Irrelevant.✨ He ✨serves no purpose.✨ He ✨has no character.✨ He ✨is a plot device.✨ He ✨was dead a decade before the series began.✨ He doesn’t even have an interesting backstory or any interesting factors, he was literally just an asshole who boned Lily and got his ass murdered by Voldy. I don’t even care if Severus was worse than him or not, at least Sev was INTERESTING, at least he had an actual personality. James serves no purpose in the story besides being Harry’s father.

That’s all for now, I can yell in DMs if you’d like.

[mgbbsnk]

the atlas six and the marauaders parallels

knowing olivie blake's fanfiction history, i just want to put forward the idea that the libby-nico-gideon-max quad was modelled (in one way shape or form) after part of the marauaders/that specific era of the harry potter backstories. yeah yeah im aware they may come off a bit flimsy but this has been blowing my mind since i realized it and i need people to share in this

first: max, because it's the easiest.

a shapeshifting black lab. he has a pretentious name. it looks like he's away from family and is sticking with his two best friends in the non-medeian part of the world. you cannot convince me that he's not sirius black.

next: gideon. admittedly, my only defense here is that he's a magical creature that doesn't have that much of a social or legal foothold in the world, and faces both discrimination and risk of exploitation. according to nico, gideon often looks tired. his parents aren't in the picture (eilif aside), so we can assume that while he has some sort of monetary income, max and nico are still more wealthy than him. so, we have our remus lupin.

next: nico.

arrogant, charming, and a physical specialist. we don't get a lot of james potter but if we assume this specialty is because of the levitating prank he pulled on snape, then to me it makes sense. furthermore,

he learned shapeshifting, so he could follow the other two in animal form every month. HELLO. anyway, nico's family has some sort of power and wealth in the medeian community as well.

now, let's look at libby.

this is my most flimsy connection, but besides sharing that rivalry with nico/james... (during their time where she was particularly infuriated with them and thought they were bullies), she's quite literally one of the most talented medeians of their generation. being offered to be in the society should be like. enough proof. she's pleasant with gideon, seems to be friends with him outside nico, and she herself had some sort of Thing with a sister. (granted, petunia was jealous, and katherine was dead, so again, maybe not, but i'll take what i can get.) libby's also from a non-medeian family, considered less well off than nico as well. so, meet our lily evans.

now, bringing this all together i've just been thinking how this really reads like a sort of good ending marauders fic wherein james was in love with remus and james and lily were in a weird queerplatonic rivalry situation.

so, yeah. please yell at me about this

p.s. i do think that this makes ezra=snape given how nico thinks that he'd drag down libby and libby herself eventually finds herself annoyed at him.

[endversewinchester]

Alright! Hard talks. I’ll add my thoughts tomorrow because rn I’m kinda tired.

This is just info on how talking through Floo works. Nice bit of canon to have.

Let me just say I love the mom-dad dynamic that is going on between these two all book long. Whenever the topic is something more complicated, Remus is around either during the conversation or afterwards to soften what Sirius said, and I love this.

Kreacher you little shit.

This is pretty much the first fully domestic convo they’ve had. Before it was about the war, about Harry’s visions, and Sirius shared a bit of his backstory with us to explain why he was behaving the way he was.

This is the first time we get to see them just talking about minor stuff (at least the boys think it is minor as of right now). Just a teen curious about his father.

This is a great shot of the mom-dad dynamic. Lupin is trying to be sensible. He saw Harry at school, he knows how he is and how his friends are. He understands why seeing the father he carried practically as a god behaving like that is a big shock, so he tries to be reasonable (which doesn’t really work, because Harry too is “just a kid” and never acted like that).

Sirius otoh is practical about it. He acknowledges that memory isn’t one of the best, but he’s more about justifying James. “Yes, he behaved like that BUT they were rivals from day one because Snape was jealous of your dad ( he was. Not for the reasons Sirius quotes though) and big on the dark arts and so that makes it okay.

Which doesn’t work with Harry either because in that memory Snape wasn’t involved in dark arts or anything. He was literally just existing, and Sirius himself started the mess. But still. Mom-dad dynamic.

The bombastic side eye. Criminal offensive side eye that Lupin gave him there makes me chuckle. It is a massive lie. He doesn’t regret bullying Snape, he hates Snape to this day. But I think it is sweet that he doesn’t want to set a bad example to Harry.

Because here’s the thing, Sirius could have kept his line of thought there. “Yeah well he was a racist asshole and he deserves it”. Harry dislikes Snape, he would buy into it eventually. But Sirius doesn’t. He acknowledges it was wrong, and doesn’t try to encourage Harry to behave like that, or see his actions as good.

And then Lupin comes in, but this time he switches up. He uses what Sirius said earlier to try and mediate. Do I think he believes what Sirius said? After that bombastic side eye? No I don’t. And I think we all know that the real reason for the Snape and James war was Lily, not some silly popularity jealousy. But having Harry hate his dead father who he looked up to doesn’t sound very fair to Harry, or to James’ memory, so he plays along with Sirius somewhat.

And oh look. Sirius switches up in response! “Ok yes we were dicks sometimes” which earns him a smile from Remus for telling the truth.

Then they have some genuine bonding over James, which I think is cute and sad at the same time. And then we get to see more coparenting in action.

Sirius acknowledges Harry’s feelings further in his way, and then he looks at Lupin for validation on how he’s handling this, and what would be the best thing to say. It’s cute because it’s wolfstar but it is also cute that Sirius is trying really hard to parent well.

And here we get some character traits. Lupin’s self awareness is on point, but so is his self hatred. We need to remember he spent 13 years as the sole survivor of his friend group (as he believed the Sirius he knew never even existed), and so he has a lot of survivor’s guilt and self esteem issues. He didn’t stop James and Sirius and so it is his fault that they are here right now discussing the sins of their dead friend with his horrified son. But Sirius with his loyalty does very much what he did to James earlier. He gets protective. “Well actually you did call us out sometimes”, not letting him linger on that self hatred.

And we also get to learn that James grows past that stage and turns into a better person. Good enough that Lily went from hating him to loving him, and eventually marrying him and having Harry. It is most likely that version of James that people refer to when they complimented him to Harry all his life.

Here’s where it gets complicated, because we are talking about seventh years now. Legal grown adults in Harry Potter canon. By this point in the story, we are at the first wizarding war or very near it. Though their main issue is Lily and will remain Lily for the rest of her life, there is a lot more going on in the world around them and they are doing a lot more.

The fact Lily didn’t see the bullying (which are now fights) makes me think these happened during missions for the order. Not that James wasn’t relishing on going at the guy that wanted his girlfriend, because he very much was. But there is a broader context, and with that broader context Snape stops being a victim and he becomes a death eater. It’s a war now.

But Harry doesn’t know any of that. He is still thinking about school level Malfoy bullying. The type he saw on the memories. So it’s not enough, and you know what? I won’t fault him for that. He is allowed to dislike his father’s flaws, even with the broader context. I think the realization our parents aren’t perfect happens to all of us at some point in life or the other. He is entitled to his run.

And Sirius well. Sirius got a bit protective. I understand that too. Because sure, James was an attention [bleep] and a bit of a bully but he was also the guy that saved him from an abusive household. That taught him he didn’t have to be what his parents wanted him to be. That took him in as a brother and gave him love on a level he never had before. As he says earlier “the world isn’t split into good people and death eaters” and this is a good example of that.

I think that’s a lot to process at 15 though. Especially when you are fighting a war against Hitler himself. What do you mean people have nuance? So Harry is taking this well enough.

Remember when Sirius said her regretted bullying Snape?

Yeah.

Knowing what the adults know, Harry and Voldemort are connected and occlumency is the only way to keep him safe. Snape stopping the lessons over a childhood grudge that Harry didn’t cause and risk losing the war is a bad move.

I understand. His worst memories. He panicked. Still. Broader context. War. Harry needs to be good at this or everyone dies, so I understand why Lupin and Sirius freaked out.

I love Lupin being the mediator tbh. I really do. “Yes I know you love Harry and you want to protect him but sit tf down, padfoot”.

And yes it is for the best if Lupin speaks with Snape instead, please and thank you. I don’t know why he told Harry to talk to Snape. He won’t “kill him” as Harry suggests, but he won’t want to continue the lessons either. It’s best if Lupin gets Dumbledore to do it.

FFS Filch. The timing!!!

[spindrifters]

id love a directors cut on hope, the chapter and the character! or her and lyall or sarah? listen…. im a little simp for her shes the best!!!!

spoilers under the cut

listen. are we not all a simp for hope? bisexual milf in stem of my dreams. my canon-verse hope is a maths professor at swansea university and thinks her job is way cooler than her wizard husband's. she introduces sirius to motorbikes in every universe. I mean, what other muggles does he know? (more on canon-verse hope in ocho kandelikas)

writing this, I always knew she was alive and where she was. I had the whole backstory written out. there's more to be revealed about her relationship with lyall and the time she spent working for phoenix in wales, so I won't go too much into that or her relationship with sarah, who's going to make a reappearance sooner rather than later.

hope's 43, by the way. five years younger than lyall, six years older than sarah. she was 26 when remus was born.

as for the chapter! there were so many ways that reunion could have gone, but it ultimately made sense to me that there would be this immediate, primal, physical need for her and remus to come back to each other... and then the awkwardness would rush in after. which is the opening of this. remus doesn't remember what it's like to have a parent. hope has never had an adult son. but that yearning for connection is there, and lasts throughout the entire chapter and beyond. and then, of course, it's compounded in the opening by the fact that remus is doing some very good emotional spiraling trying to work out what it means that she -- to his knowledge -- left him behind.

but as for her perspective, because we obviously get his -- this is the culmination of a really emotionally harrowing six months, ever since learning that he was still alive. so as cathartic as it is for remus, it's just as much for hope. I imagine that when she first found out, she trashed her fucking house. I think sarah took her out into the woods and transfigured a bunch of shit for her to destroy. stages of anger and guilt and blaming moody and ana and of course herself for not inquiring further into remus's 'death.' and then this near-manic determination to get him back, which has been going for a few months now. I think hope's a virgo. she needs to be doing, which is why working with her hands is so therapeutic. and now here he is, right in front of her, unexpectedly, and she has to contend with the reality of that. and the thing is, that emotional storm might still be brewing underneath and she might be out of practice, but she's good at being his mother. that sort of rushes back instinctively. and it's actually quite calming for her, being able to settle back into the position of caretaker and transforming all that energy into love for him. which, subconsciously, of course also manifests in feeding him a bunch of food and then apologizing for it not being much, like the jewish mama she is.

also, that ending bit? she 100% feels the scarring through his shirt.

ask me for the director's cut

[maraudererasmut]

Black and White (Part XVIII)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX

"Thanks for joining me for dinner!" 

Lily's voice was light and airy, her posture relaxed and her smile bright. In many ways, she was the opposite of Sirius.

Remus quickly pushed the thought from his mind, choosing to focus on the present. He still hadn't heard back from Sirius or James, and it was his goal for that evening not to bring them up in conversation. Lily was her own person; she was more than just James' wife and Sirius' friend. She needed to be treated as such. If she chose to raise the subject, Remus wouldn't be opposed to it, but he refused to ruin a fun evening with memories from last night.

"Thanks for inviting me. It's not often that I get to go out for dinner with friends."

It's not often that I can afford to.

Lily had insisted on buying Remus dinner that night, refusing to take no as an answer. She promised that Remus could return the favour once he sold his first painting at the gallery. 

"And you will sell one, trust me!"

Remus admired Lily for her optimism, even if he didn't share it. 

"This is great! I'm glad you're here!" Lily's voice broke through the fog in Remus' mind. He looked up into her emerald eyes. To Remus, they were summer. They were the bright green of rolling fields, as warm and sunny as a perfect August day, as soft and gentle as a summer breeze. He couldn't get enough of Lily's eyes. He'd have to use that colour in a painting some day. 

"Yeah… me too…"

"You seem off, Remus. What's the matter?"

Remus' gaze drifted down to his hands. Was he that obvious? Was his face betraying all of his emotions?

"I'm fine. Really. Let's just have a fun evening talking about art."

"You sure?" Lily sounded concerned as she reached a hand across the table and placed it gently over Remus'. "I'm here if you need to talk… does it have anything to do with what happened the other day?"

Remus looked up and furrowed his brow. How much did Lily know?

"What did James tell you?" He asked suspiciously, a subtle grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. Lily smiled in return.

"He said you had a painting for us and that Sirius flipped when he found out. Which was stupid, because Sirius can be a jealous twat sometimes."

Remus' grin grew wider.

"Yeah… that just about sums him up."

Lily chuckled, removing her hand from Remus' and brushing a loose strand of auburn behind her ear. 

"He's more than that, though, despite what the past few weeks have shown you…"

Remus responded with a laugh of his own, recalling the look in Sirius' eyes at the coffee shop. He had seemed so apologetic, so genuine, so different from the gallery owner version of Sirius. 

"I don't doubt that…"

“I’m sorry about him, by the way. I swear, he’s not usually like this. He’s a really nice guy…”

Remus laughed affectionately at Lily's embarrassment. 

“You don’t need to apologize oh his behalf. It’s fine, I get it. Anyway, he… he actually apologized himself. It was… kind of sweet…" Remus' mind flickered briefly to the previous night. "Well… Until he ran away, that is…”

“Ran away?” Lily quirked a brow at Remus, suddenly confused. Lily must not have heard about that part of the evening. 

“Yeah, we had met up at my work last night and chatted a bit. Things were going fine, but he kind of got super upset all of a sudden and left the coffee shop without a word. I…" Remus' eyes drifted to his phone, sitting upside down at the edge of the table. "I haven’t heard from him since.” 

“Oh no… that’s awful…" Lily's face was a cross between pity and concern. Her shoulders dropped and here eyes grew wide. "Do… do you remember what it was that made him upset?”

Remus shrugged. Did he?

“Sort of? He had left me this… voicemail. It was kind of cute, actually, not gonna lie. He had gotten drunk and called and just started talking about how he wanted to talk with me. It really wasn’t a big deal, but it seemed to throw him for a loop…" Remus noticed a distinct flash of panic on Lily's face and his shoulders stiffened. "What? What is it, Lily?”

Lily pursed her lips, speaking more to herself than to Remus.

“That explains a lot…”

“What does it explain? What’s going on?” Remus leaned forward anxiously. Lily seemed to have some answers to the questions that Remus had been asking himself all day. 

“Yesterday… Sirius called James… He was really stressed…”

Shit.

“What did I do?”

Lily reached across the table again, giving Remus' hand a little squeeze.

“Nothing! Oh, Remus, you did nothing wrong, I promise. This is… well, it’s complicated…”

Remus chewed his lip, pondering how much he should press the subject. 

“Is it… something you’re allowed to share with me?”

Lily let out a sigh, pulling herself away from Remus and gazing down at the napkin in her lap.

“It’s a very long story…”

“We’ve got a long dinner…”

Lily smiled gently, that frustrating look of pity ever present. 

“Well… it started when Sirius was young. You… you know he’s not close with his family, right?”

The conversation from the previous evening reverberated in Remus' mind.

“Yeah, he mentioned that last night. I didn’t realize…”

“Yeah…" Lily let out a soft sigh before continuing. "When they were teenagers, Sirius ran away from home and went to live with James. James’ parents basically adopted Sirius. The boys have been inseparable ever since.”

“Wow… I had no idea…” Remus didn't realize the extent of Sirius and James' relationship. He knew they were close, but from the way Lily was describing it, the boys were practically brothers. It was no wonder Sirius was so jealous of James and Remus' budding friendship.

“Anyway…" Lily continued. "One of the main reasons that Sirius left was his parents. They were… well, they were cruel to him. They drank. A lot. It… never ended well…”

“Shit… I’m… That...that sucks…” Remus didn't know what else to say. He wasn't entirely sure there was anything to say. How does a person respond when they find out someone they know had a rough childhood?

“Yeah…" Lily agreed, keeping here eyes averted. She shrugged her shoulders and continued her explanation. "When Sirius left, his younger brother stayed home. He became their prodigal son, the son that the Black family always wanted. He took after his father in many ways… Including the alcohol." Lily picked up the glass of water in front of her and brought it to her lips, taking a long, slow sip, as if to regain her composure. "A few years ago, Regulus… that’s Sirius’ brother… he went to rehab, joined AA, decided to make a change in his life. It was really great. We got a lot closer with him… the boys reconnected… Then about a year ago…”

Lily paused. Emerald eyes sparkled with lingering tears, threatening to fall at any moment. Remus felt a lump in his throat and stinging in his eyes as he imagined how difficult this must be for Lily to recount. 

“You don’t have to keep going…”

Lily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and smiled up at Remus. 

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s just… a bit hard to talk about." She let out a strained laugh, trying to sound casual. "A year ago, Regulus got into a huge fight with his parents. He let himself go that night, relapsing, falling back to his old habits and coping mechanisms… He… he got into an accident.”

“Shit…"  That seemed to be the only word Remus knew that evening. "Is he…” Remus trailed off, unsure how to phrase his question. Lily caught on to what he was asking. 

“He’s alive… he’s just… not the same." Lily took another drink of water, preparing herself for what came next. "The accident left him unable to do a lot of the things he used to… he turned bitter… claimed he was broken. We’re not as close as we once were. Every time we try to reconnect, he pulls further away. Sirius and Regulus haven’t spoken in months... “

“God… that awful….”

Remus couldn't imagine the pain and struggle that Sirius had gone through. Being an only child, Remus knew he would never fully comprehend Sirius' situation and the hurt he experienced.

“Sirius stopped drinking after the accident. He still has a glass of wine on occasion, a pint of beer, but he hasn’t gone out, gotten drunk, in almost an entire year.”

Remus closed his eyes, knowing exactly why Sirius had left the cafe in such a panic.

“Until two nights ago…”

“Until two nights ago.” 

“And then I brought it up in conversation. Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”

Lily reached forward, gripping Remus' hand firmly. She looked him straight in the eyes, penetrating his defenses.

“You’re not an idiot, Remus. You didn’t know.” She said it with such conviction, Remus almost believed it. 

Almost.

“...It was my fault,” Remus mumbled to himself.

“How was it your fault?”

“We got into a fight. He… he must have drank because he was angry at me. I made him so mad that he—”

“Stop." Lily's tone was harsh as her grasp on Remus' hand tightened. "Listen to me: this is not your fault. Sirius made a mistake. That’s on him. He’s struggling with it right now, but that doesn’t make it your fault. The best thing we can do is support him and be there for him.”

“I guess…”

“No. There’s no “I guess”, Remus. This is not your fault. You need to know that…” 

Remus heard Lily's words, but his mind kept racing back to their argument in his flat.

“But if he hadn’t—”

“No. Stop it. None of that. Remus, you and Sirius have had a bit of a strained relationship thus far, but he really does enjoy your company. I can assure you of that. You just have to be understanding that he might be a bit off for the next while. Just… be there if he needs you and he’ll reach out to you when he’s ready… Okay?” 

Lily looked so earnest, it was hard to argue with her. She seemed to believe that none of this was because of Remus, despite the evidence to the contrary. How could she be so sure?

“Yeah…" Remus muttered, knowing that there was no point in arguing against the feisty woman before him. "Yeah, okay.”

“Good. Don’t worry, Remus. He’s not mad at you.”

Remus raised an eyebrow skeptically at Lily.

“You sure?” 

“Positive. He doesn’t see this as your fault at all. As far as he’s concerned, he’s worried that he upset you.”

“What? Upset me? How? Why would he think that?"

“That’s what I keep telling him. Now we just have to wait for him to believe me. Things will be fine in a few days. The dust will settle and you two will be able to get back to… whatever it is that you call normal…”

Remus felt himself smile despite the situation.

Normal.

What was normal these days anyway?

“I… I hope it can be a bit better than that…”

“Yeah, Sirius had been a bit of a prick lately," Lily said with a grin, the humour finally returning to her expression. "Well then, hopefully things can get better than normal… For both of you.”

"Yeah… hopefully…"

[wolfstardaughter-jj]

Until the End

A/n: here's what I wrote for the prologue. It's basically a summary of Y/n's backstory and a bit of history of what happened during the first wizarding war. I've published it both on AO3 and Wattpad so you guys can check it out:) The first chapter is a WIP so it might be a week before I publish it but yeah, here's the prologue<3

My name is Y/n Lupin-Black. I live with my dads and my cat in a cottage. You can say it’s one of my favorite places to be at.

Both my dads were part of “The Order of the Phoenix” during the first wizarding war. Which eventually led them to me.

They were on an order mission, they were supposed to meet with their informat for some new information that could possibly help fight Voldemort and his followers. But instead of being faced by their informant, they found me in a basket with a note.

“Keep her safe.” was all it said.

They met up with the informant a few days later and they said they didn’t know who I was or where I came from. They didn’t know what else to do with me other than take me in.

Even in the middle of the war, they decided to take in a baby they had no idea about. I was only a few months old at that point.

As the war became worse, lots of people started to go into hiding, specifically the Potters. They knew their son, Harry, was one of Voldemort's primary targets so they had to keep him safe. They made sure to make my papa, Sirius, the secret Keeper.

Things started to turn around when my uncle, Regulus Black, decided to join the Order. He told the order of Voldemort’s plans and revealed some very shocking news. Specifically the one about Peter Pettigrew’s betrayal to the order.

They cornered Peter and got him locked up in Azkaban. But the Dark side still had no idea about Regulus’s betrayal so he worked as a double agent.

One night, Sirius went on an order mission while Remus looked after me. Unfortunately Sirius was taken by a group of snatchers that ambushed the mission and took him to their headquarters.

I still don't know what they did to him to this day but they pried the Potter's location out of his mind and knew where the Potters were.

Luckily Regulus was there and warned the order and they managed to get to the Potters home to try and evacuate the Potters to safety. But they had arrived at the same time Voldemort and his cavalry did.

They fought within the Potter's home and at some point in the crossfire, Harry was hit. Fortunately, Harry didn't die and was simply left with a scar. A very cool scar, I might add.

During the fight, Regulus went on to the Death eater headquarters and rescued dad from their hold.

They managed to win the fight and defeated Voldemort once and for all. They arrested all the Death eaters and practically saved the wizarding world and the muggle world.

That was 12 years ago. I’m 13 now and going into my third year at Hogwarts. Through the years, everything had been full of chaos and mayhem. Some caused by me but many of them were due to Voldemort’s consistent attempts on coming back to life. Obviously each attempt failed horribly.

After the war, dad and papa moved to a small cottage far away from everything.

They lost a lot of people during the war and it left a big imprint in their lives. Dad says that Sirius has never been the same since uncle Reg got him back from the D.E headquarters. But he's gotten better over the years but he sometimes gets his episodes.

Growing up, the Potters visited quite often. I practically grew up with Harry and we were inseparable. Aunt Marlene and Aunt Lily would say we were the mini versions of James and Sirius.

Eventually we were introduced to the Weasley's and added Ron into our little group. But his older brothers who just happened to be a pair of twins had a special flair for trouble.

And how Aunt Lily likes to put it "Y/n is drawn to trouble the way a moth is to a flame". Can't say she's lying cause it's absolutely true.

The twins caught wind of my pranking streaks and ever since then, we became a pranking team. That was until they had to go off to Hogwarts. I spent my days at the cottage just reading and quizzing with Dad. Spending some time with Ron and Harry, along with Ginny.

When it was my turn to come to Hogwarts, let's just say it was a bit of a bumpy road. A certain professor with a purple turban who just so happened to have Voldemort at the back of his head, nearly killed us during our first year.

The following year after that, the legendary Chamber of Secrets was reopened and Voldemort's 16 year old self practically possessed Ginny for most of the year.

With the third year closing in, I'm simply praying that if there is going to be a life-threatening situation I'll be put in, may it be less dangerous than the ones before.

[drabsyo]

I was wondering...I was always confused about Narcissa’s hair. It’s been a while since I read the books. Did she color it blonde to show her now belonging to House Malfoys. Or was it naturally blonde? Movies confused me a bit I guess.

Yes, this had me confused too! I've agonized and toiled over it, more than I probably should, about how I should draw her hair because people have generally different views, which is totally understandable! 💕

And I've always wanted to discuss it, so now that I've been given a reason to... Well.

If you take a look at some of my Narcissa fanart, you'll notice the different ways I'd color her hair. I was so confused. Is she a light blonde? Dark blonde? A mix of raven hair and blonde hair? If she has blonde hair then why does her family have (mostly) dark hair? And WHY does she have blue eyes?! This woman is absolutely confusing! (Which is kind of, you know, fitting because Narcissa always loves to be a mystery to literally anyone lol)

So I did my homework, asked around, and scoured every bit of information, canon or otherwise, that I could find about her. It led me to this:

In canon, this is what the Black sisters look like. You can find the page here. Narcissa is a child here, and already has blonde hair. So we can go ahead and safely assume that she was born with natural blonde hair. But in the films, Narcissa has black and blonde hair. I don't actually know why they gave her that hair color, maybe so that the audiences wouldn't question her blood relations with the Blacks--I don't know. I really don't. But now we have a book version Narcissa, one who has full blonde hair. And a movie version Narcissa, one who has raven and blonde hair. At least, that's how the different hair colors started: a movie version, and a book version.

So... here's where it gets confusing.

To my knowledge, it isn't actually explained why her hair color is the way it is in both the movies and the books. Having blonde hair does raise many questions, how is she the "only" blonde in a family of dark hair and dark eyes? To top it all off, it gets even more confusing, because fanon writes and draws her either as a full blonde or a mix of raven and blonde hair. We just have this large pile to sift through of her having either hair color. No one actually explains anything. She's just... infuriatingly there. She's either blonde or raven haired and blonde. BUT fanfiction writers, as I've observed, give their own reasons why Narcissa's hair color is the way it is in their respective stories. And it's actually pretty creative and interesting! It adds even greater depth to her character, and it fits the narrative of the story even better. Remember, the character we're dealing with is Narcissa Black. One of her main traits is "she won't do anything unless there is a clear purpose behind it." This character is deliberate, meticulous, and she makes sure to plan ahead at all times. And so, some fanfiction writers decide to play on that.

You can skip this part if you want to avoid spoilers but I've compiled a small list of instances in (Cissamione) fanfiction where Narcissa's hair is mentioned.

🔹 In Extinction by rubikanon in Chapter 10: Build and Break, Hermione asks Narcissa about it. Here, Narcissa has black and blonde hair. She explains that she only decided to dye it blonde to "fit in with the Malfoys." We can gather two things from that alone, which resonates with her character perfectly: 1.) Narcissa is loyal and 2.) Narcissa purposefully wants to show the rest of the world how loyal she is by committing to having blonde hair. The woman has some serious commitment, and it shows. But now, the way that it's slowly growing back into her natural black hair color, hints that perhaps Narcissa no longer wishes to fit in with the Malfoys. However, if we take an even closer look, we can safely assume that Narcissa isn't the kind of person to just leave her hair color "unattended" like that. Remember, she's meticulous. And this is a big deal for her, the fact that she's just kind of letting it grow back instead of either fully dyeing it back to black, or dyeing it back to blonde. It suggests that perhaps she's a little unsure this time, perhaps it is her uncertainty that is the reason why it's now a mix of both. Another grey area? Or maybe it's actually something more deliberate? Maybe now, she likes that it's a mix of both. That other half now being solely for Draco, and not to fit in (completely) with the Malfoys any longer. Who knows why Narcissa does things the way she does? We can speculate to the ends of the earth, or be as smart as Hermione Granger (or with the case of Extinction, see Hermione's thoughts), but something tells me we'd still be a good step behind.

"Which one is your natural hair color?" I wondered aloud.

(Narcissa) She glanced up at the unexpected question. I was relieved she hadn't sensed my attention yet. It's not like I meant anything by it, I told myself. She was so beautiful, one couldn't help but notice. And feel physically drawn to her. And want to see her two-toned hair fanned across her back, slipping over the bare skin, silky beneath my fingers...

"Why do you ask?" Her query brought me back to reality, and I hurriedly corrected my imagination to include a pretty dress covering the rest of her.

"I don't know." I chewed the inside of my cheek, suppressing my other thoughts. "I'm just curious."

Her gaze returned to the fire. "You've seen enough of my relatives to guess which color is genetic. The blond is something I added to fit in with the Malfoys, after Draco was born." She was quiet for a moment. "He looks so much like his father. I suppose I wanted to share some resemblance."

🔹 In Killing Me Softly by Looktotheedges in Chapter 4: Nagging, Hermione suggests that perhaps Narcissa is part Veela because of her blonde hair and very attractive features, like Fleur. Which is this whole other theory/plot that's very interesting, but won't be discussed in this post. Narcissa tells Hermione that Sirius has always been blonde, and that it isn't out of the question for her to be blonde either. Sirius Black. A blonde. I know! Maybe it's there because it's funny that Sirius is actually blonde like Narcissa. Prissy, haughty, lady-like Narcissa. Arguably the 'girliest' cousin that he has. No, no, no. He doesn't want to be anything like Narcissa. Anyway, if that's the reason, I think that's hilarious and cute.

Narcissa turns away. 'I am aware my appearance is frightfully drab. Work has been…'

Hermione holds back a disbelieving scoff. 'Narcissa. You always look beautiful. And you’re talking to the witch with grass in her hair who practically lives in her office all week.'

Narcissa just leans further over the crib. 'A blonde little boy. It has been so long since… I can almost imagine…'

Hermione stands next to her. Looks down at the peacefully sleeping Louis. He does look remarkably like Draco. 'Are you sure there’s no Veela blood in you? You weren’t secretly switched at birth?'

'Like a changeling?'

'It would explain your blonde hair.'

'Sirius was also blonde, it is not completely out of the question for us Blacks.'

What?!

(...) 'I know. But it is the truth. He was blond until he was about seven… then it began to darken. Mousy. Dull. He wanted to look cool and brooding instead, so he got his hands on some kind of charm right before he set off for Hogwarts. A new, edgy Sirius. It was around then he forbade us from calling him Siri. Said it sounded too girly.'

🔹 In Fixed in Time by TheWorldsaBeastofBurden in Chapter 9: Sisters and Saviors, it's also tackled a little humorously. Andromeda let's a little comment slip while they're in the middle of trying to heal Hermione. Something funny, something that suggests Andromeda and Bella, when they were children, have always wondered why Narcissa is blonde unlike them.

The first words spoken occurred after they’d risen and attempted their casting. Andromeda’s preparedness to take on their task had been clear in her mind so Narcissa rose with her sister, wrapped an arm around her waist and held her near as the woman raised her wand to draw up the rest of the injury she’d dropped, half a slash across Hermione’s hip bone…

That remained half, as Andromeda growled out, “...it isn’t working.” she looked to Narcissa, “Why aren’t you powering me?”

What nonsense? “I am!” she insisted. She was! Or “I- I am trying to!” Her magic was active and alive, pulsing to rise from her skin and transfer into Andromeda’s but it- it wasn’t working! “Could...could it be that you were disowned?”

“Disowning doesn’t take away the fact that we share blood, our magic is directly related. Ugh, Bella always said you were adopted!”

“Oh ha- oh.”

“...oh?” Andromeda returned.

“...it’s not an issue of power. It is what I intend to aid in casting,” Narcissa slowly worked out. Oh, it was most blessed Mister Goyle could be brought to assist the present Hermione. If her present self had been brought to aid Andromeda? “...I cannot harm Hermione.”

Andromeda sighed with some frustration. “I understand you are so tenderly in love-”

“It isn’t- I’m avowed! I- when we arrived from the future we had to escape Malfoy Manor, I couldn’t bring Hermione through the wards without...I couldn’t add her directly, that would be visible. I had to...attach her permission to mine.”

🔹 In Glass Silence by Zarrene Moss (Menzosarres), which probably gives one of the most interesting backstories for Narcissa's hair, for why it's blonde. I can't put a clip of the scene here without hogging up a huge chunk of space on your dash, so I'll try to explain it as best I can instead.

Understand that these come with serious 🛑spoilers🛑 so please do read it at your own risk.

In Glass Silence, Narcissa's hair and eye color was black at birth. But after an accident with raw magic, something Bellatrix wasn't able to control when they were children, Narcissa almost dies. Bellatrix, using even more raw magic, tries desperately to pull Narcissa's "life force" back, but at the cost of losing the eumelanin that made Narcissa's eyes and hair black. Narcissa survived, but now has very little eumelanin left, which is why she's so pale, blonde, and has blue eyes. Every time Narcissa looks at a mirror, her reflection is a reminder of the day she almost died. Bella, on the other hand, is reminded of that day every single time she looks at Narcissa.

So! These are only a few fanfictions I could think of at the top of my head that tackles the issue of Narcissa's hair. In the books, to my knowledge, she is described as having blonde hair and very pale skin.

But let's take another deep dive, if you're up for it.

These are mostly theories, which are largely unconfirmed, but I think they're interesting to think about.

There's this description in the wiki:

"Narcissa Malfoy is described as tall, slim, "nice looking", and very pale, with blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a clear, cold voice. Her hair colouring thus differs from most of the House of Black, who generally have dark hair, though Narcissa does possess the arrogant good looks characteristic of her family."

There's also this pinterest photo of the Black sisters being compared to each other side by side, descriptively and physically. I'm so sorry, I don't know who drew it, but here's a link to the post on pinterest.

"Narcissa threw back her hood. She was so pale she seemed to shine in the darkness... long blonde hair streaming down her back."

Which is interesting because this hints that she's... different. It's a bit literal in this sense--she comes from a pureblood family, arguably the most influential and notorious one, the Blacks, who mostly have dark hair and eyes, and yet her physical appearance directly contrast that. There's also the matter of her namesake. She's the only Black to be named after a flower instead of a galaxy or a star. We aren't really given any explanation why she's the only one who's different. Even Sirius, who fought and died for the side of the Light, is named after the brightest star in the sky. Even Andromeda. It's been said that this is actually meant to be a parallel of some sort to Lily Evans. Narcissa and Lily are both named after flowers, even Petunia (Lily's sister). And I know there's this thing where it's a tie up to how Harry was ultimately saved by a mother's love: Harry lived at the beginning because of his mother's love, and Harry lives once again at the end of the books because Narcissa, a mother who wanted to save her own son, saved him.

If you read that scene in the books where Harry is saved by Narcissa, the whole scene is actually... pretty soft? There's that sort of disarming softness about Narcissa in that moment, where Harry expected to be callously dragged and prodded for a heartbeat. Instead, he gets a surprisingly gentle touch, a curtain of long blonde hair shielding him from the darkness, and the kind of tenderness he wouldn't expect from his enemies, "Is Draco alive?"

It's almost like Narcissa's appearance is something of a "tell". With Andromeda, she's described to have kind eyes, open, unguarded. She inherited her family's dark eyes and dark hair, and she even looks like Bellatrix's twin. I suppose we could say, Andromeda wants to fight that in any way she can by being openly kind. Narcissa is quite literally the opposite--guarded eyes, stoic expressions, cool and calculated emotions. We're veering into this fine line between fanon and canon in terms of their characterization (but only due to lack of canon materials) but personally, I think Narcissa having blonde hair and blue eyes is somewhat more fitting for her character. Again, this line:

"Narcissa threw back her hood. She was so pale she seemed to shine in the darkness... long blonde hair streaming down her back."

It's like that one glaringly obvious hint that everyone overlooks simply because... because it's the most obvious one. "Me! I'm different! I'm the last person you'd expect, but it really is me!"

Anyway. I've rambled on long enough. Hope this clears up some of that confusion, anon. Hoping it didn't ADD even more confusion... 😂 At the end of the day, this is just me speculating, gushing, and being One Big Fool™. So.

But either way, blonde hair, dark hair, mix of both, I adore her. Pretty much.

[heartofspells]

Yet another secret drabble for @monkeychan1112. Prompt: Remus and Sirius and their first night home with Teddy.

Bit of backstory? Don’t know if it’s needed, but I’m giving it regardless. Remus and Sirius have used Tonks as a surrogate to get Teddy. Set in a universe where everyone lives and nothing bad has ever happened. Because I can. 

"What's wrong with him, Remus?"

Remus sighs heavily, rubbing his fingers over his eyes before massaging at his temples. "I don't know, Sirius," he mumbles. "He's a baby. Babies cry. It almost all they can do, especially when they're only two days old."

He sits on the sofa, shoulders slumping forward in exhaustion, watching as Sirius paces with Teddy resting up against his chest, hand patting mostly gently at the squalling infant's back, rubbing in between each. Remus can see the panic rising in Sirius, the despair that he's doing something wrong, the desperation to try to figure out how to do it right. Remus is beginning to feel it all a bit himself, though he tries to push it down.

They're exhausted. They'd been at St Mungo's for nearly three days. Neither of them have slept, they've barely eaten, hardly even sat down. Remus feels dead on his feet and Sirius looks it, dark smudges under his pale eyes, face drawn with fatigue and pinched in distress. They have to rest, but first they have to get Teddy there.

"Do you think he doesn't like us? Like it here?" demands Sirius, rounding on Remus pleadingly. "Why would he like us? He doesn't even know us, Moony."

"That's just not true, Sirius," denies Remus, voice tired and a little hoarse. "We've been talking to him for nearly nine months now, since before we even knew he actually existed. He knows us."

"It's not the same," Sirius nearly wails dishearteningly. "We're not…we didn't carry him. He hasn't been with us this entire time. Maybe he knows our voices but we're still new to him. What if…what if he'd rather be with her?"

Remus tilts his head to the side as he studies Sirius. "Tonks?" he questions. "That's not true either, baby. Everything around him is just so very new. He needs to adjust to it. He's been shoved out into the world and he's struggling. I think we both can relate to that, don't you?"

"But kids need their mums, Remus. And we're…not that. They pop out and they need to be held and cuddled and loved."

"And you're doing exactly that," says Remus gently, trying to assuage Sirius' still rising panic. "We've been doing that since we got our hands on him. He's ours, baby. We love him. Tonks isn't his mother anymore than yours was to you. She only helped us get him, that's all."

Sirius still looks disbelieving, his shoulders sagging down further. Remus stands and walks over to him, halting his frantic pacing, placing his hands on his cheeks, cupping them tenderly. Sirius stares at him with desperate eyes.

"We're his parents, Sirius," insists Remus, eyes squinting a little at the volume of the infant between them. "He is ours, completely. And we love him. I love him. You do, too, don't you?" Sirius nods quickly, spasmodically, his hands clutching a little tighter against the small bundle in his arms. "Everything's going to be okay, I promise. He'll love us, too. I bet he already does. He's just upset right now and we have to figure out how to calm him. All right?"

Sirius inhales a deep breath through his nose and nods. "Should we try the bed again, putting him between us?"

Remus frowns. "Already tried it twice," he responds. "I don't think that's going to help, unfortunately."

Sirius releases a frustrated growl, his exhaustion clearly swelling up higher, the panic building in his eyes again. "I don’t know what else to do then!" he exclaims forcefully, sounding helpless.

Remus drops one of his hands from Sirius' face, touch trailing over the back of Teddy's head and back. "Let me see him?" he asks Sirius, holding his arms out.

Sirius glances down at the baby for a moment before up at Remus and nodding. He's clearly reluctant, and Remus understands that. He hasn't wanted to release the infant either every time he's had his hold on him, his heart swelling just at the mere thought of their son. Sirius carefully transfers him over to Remus, slipping his hands away once Teddy is settled in Remus' arms. He continues crying, large wails filling the spaces around them, loud enough to probably rattle the windows.

Remus tries quietly shushing him, rocking him in his hold, Sirius watching and fidgeting restlessly. He looks up and raises his eyebrows at the other man, begging him for more patience, something he knows Sirius has always had a limited supply of to go around. Remus eventually tries to sing again, and while it seems to calm Sirius marginally, something that amuses Remus without fail, it does little for the whimpering infant.

"Should I floo Lily?" asks Sirius in a rush once Remus stops singing. "She could help, right? She'd know what to do."

"We don't need Lils, Sirius. We can figure this out," assures Remus. His eyes shift over Sirius' concerned face, the lines around his eyes pulled tight and taut, settling into his pale skin deeply. "We have done this before, you know?"

"Yes, I know," scoffs Sirius, frowning at Remus as though he's stating the obvious, which, to be fair, Remus is. "Don't panic."

"I'm not," replies Remus, staring at Sirius in exasperation and a small touch of bafflement. "But you are. Again. Go sit down, Sirius. You're exhausted. Take some deep breaths."

Sirius huffs. "You're exhausted, too. We're both bloody exhausted, Remus. My brain stopped working a day and a half ago. It's all just gibberish and dog whines up there now." Sirius' eyes suddenly light up. "Padfoot!"

Remus frowns at him. "What about him?"

But Sirius doesn't answer, suddenly dropping down to all fours, the large black dog taking his place. Remus' frown deepens. "What are you on about?"

Padfoot props himself up, resting his front paws against Remus' torso. He noses gently at Teddy and then trots to the sofa, jumping up and then curling in a little. He yips softly and looks down at the space created between his curving stomach and the back of the sofa.

"Oh!" says Remus as realization dawns. "Good idea." He moves over to the sofa, sitting down beside the dog and then settling the baby into the soft, warm space. Padfoot curls in more tightly around the infant, nose snuffling over him, tongue licking at a small hand.

Teddy suddenly stops crying, almost as quickly as he'd started, staring up at the black dog with watery eyes. Padfoot snuffles and licks at him again, and then Sirius is there instead, holding his breath, waiting for the crying to start back up. When it doesn't, he turns and beams up at Remus.

Remus chuckles softly, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the top of Sirius' head. "Told you," he whispers. "We're his parents, and we'll figure this out, because he's our son, Sirius. Our son. Ours, mine and yours."

Sirius looks down at Teddy, still staring up at them, eyes observant in his small face. "Yeah," says Sirius, smoothing a gentle hand over the top of the baby's head, and the sound is thick, like something is coating his throat, making it difficult to speak. Remus smiles and nuzzles into Sirius' hair.

"I love you so much," he says. "Both of you."

"I love you, too, Remus," returns Sirius, but his eyes never leave their son's. Not until his tiny face scrunches back up and he begins to scream again.

Sirius' head jerks up, looking at Remus with more panic than before. "Should I do Padfoot again?"

Remus stares at Sirius, mouth hanging open a little, uncertain of what to do. "I – " he begins but stops when the screaming suddenly halts as quickly as it had started. They both look down at the infant, blinking in surprise when they're met with a shock of bright blue hair instead of the rich brown it had been. They both gape as Teddy coos happily, feet and legs kicking enthusiastically.

"Well," says Sirius, very clearly flabbergasted. "All right, then."

Part one

[fruitcoops]

oo could you write a fic ab the first time julian says “I love you” to sirius and sirius just melts and it’s such a seal of approval for remus watching them

A series is only over until it's midnight and I start having feelings about my boy Julian. This prompt isn't the main focus of the story, but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for sending such a sweet prompt in! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove

You can find the rest of "Jules lives with Coops for a week" here

TW for a child getting lost temporarily

Jules wasn’t lost. He was just…a little turned around. Yeah, just turned around. That was all.

He began ripping tiny tears in the left side of his taffy wrapper as he scanned the crowd for any signs of Remus. There was nobody Jules wanted to see more than his big brother at the moment, even though Sirius was surely still with him and much easier to spot. It was a stupid, little-kid thought—he was ten years old, for crying out loud—but his palms were starting to sweat and his face was getting hot and Remus was always safe and Jules was—

He was scared.

“Re?” he tried, barely above a whisper. The wax paper was slick between his fingers. Come on, he can’t hear you if you’re quiet. He cleared his throat. “Re?”

There was no answer. The weight of the quarter in his pocket wasn’t nearly as heavy as the weight of Remus’ absence. Jules hadn’t even been trying to slip away in the first place; the coin was just so shiny, and he had seen a gumball machine by the entrance when they arrived at the mall. The mere thought of bubblegum made him queasy, now.

Part of him wanted to go looking for Remus and Sirius; they were supposed to be at the bookstore by then, if his memory was correct. But the stronger, smarter part of his brain knew that he should stay where he was until they found him. They would notice he was gone. Of course they would notice. He was short, but they were tall, so they would have no trouble seeing him.

They’ll be upset. Realization crashed into him and he started working on the right side of the wrapper. I ruined the afternoon for one lousy quarter. What am I, three?

Jules took a deep breath and stood on his toes; his sneakers squeaked on the tile, and a lady in a big coat glared at him from a nearby table before turning back to her newspaper. He made a face at the back of her head.

A flicker of reddish hair caught in his periphery, but the person strolling past Starbucks looked nothing like Remus. Twice, he thought he saw Sirius—both times, his hopes were dashed within seconds. “Re?” he called again, raising his voice slightly.

“—and I was like, Jules, come on,” someone laughed as a large group passed in front of him.

Jules’ heart skipped a beat and he took off running, shoving through the mass of bodies with half-mumbled apologies until there, there’s his coat and—

“Oh. Hello.”

He blinked up in utter shock. “You’re not Remus.”

“No, sorry.” Behind his thick glasses, the man’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

The woman next to him leaned down to Jules’ level. “Are you lost?”

“No,” he said immediately, unwinding his arms from the man’s waist and taking a step back. He wasn’t stupid. He knew about stranger danger. “I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. The gentleness of her voice reminded him just enough of Sirius to make his throat hurt.

Jules glanced between them. “You said my name. I—I thought—nevermind.”

“Will you wait here with us until you find whoever you’re looking for?” Now that Jules could see him properly, the man only vaguely resembled Remus. His jaw was too pointy, and his hair was far too red, like Finn’s. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be by yourself with so many people around.”

“Sure,” he agreed after a moment. Neither of them were giving him the heebie-jeebies so far.

The woman’s hair was the prettiest shade of pink he had ever seen. “Where did you last see your people?”

Jules pointed toward the pretzel stand, about fifty feet away. “We had just passed that.”

And it was my own fault in the first place, he didn’t add, even though it was true. The thought was enough to make his eyes itch; he sniffled twice. Don’t cry, don’t cry, you’re fine.

“Hey, it’s okay.” The man crouched and dug around in his pocket before handing over a clean napkin. “We’ll find them soon. How long have you been waiting?”

“I dunno.” Time was hard. Sometimes Jules thought he had been waiting an hour when it had only been ten minutes, but sometimes he blinked and fifteen had passed. “Five minutes, maybe?”

The lady’s reassuring smile reminded him of Ms. Dorcas. “I’m sure they’ll—”

“Jules!” a familiar voice shouted, followed by a half-muffled ‘holy shit’ that he barely heard as he whipped around. He hardly had time to open his mouth before Remus appeared from the crowd in a flash of motion and yanked him in for a hug. Around the dizzying relief, Jules wondered if his knees hurt from hitting the ground, but Remus was making a funny sort of wheezing noise as he held him in a death grip. “Oh my god.”

“Are you his parents?” the woman asked.

“I’m his brother, oh my god,” Remus said, pulling away to hold Jules’ face in his hands. His eyes were a bit red and he was panting, though he didn’t look like he had been running. Behind him, Sirius was paler than Jules remembered. “Where were you? We were walking and I turned around and you were gone—”

Jules burst into tears.

Not even cool, tragic-hero-backstory tears, either. His face was damp, his nose was running, and he couldn’t stop hiccupping because you’re here, you’re here, I thought I lost you.

“Hey, no, shh,” Remus soothed, kissing his forehead as he folded him back into his arms and rocked back. Jules buried his face in the side of his neck and clutched his coat like a lifeline. “Shh, I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry,” he blubbered. “It was an accident.”

“I know, buddy, it’s okay. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I saw a quarter.”

“…what?”

“I saw a quarter,” Jules repeated. His cheeks heated with shame. “I picked it up, but someone pushed me and—and when I stood up there were too many people an’ I couldn’t see you so I waited for you.”

“I’m so sorry.” Remus’ voice sound odd, higher and tighter than usual. “You did exactly what you were supposed to do. God, Jules, I’m sorry.”

“ ‘s not your fault.”

Remus let him go with a weak laugh and swiped at his tears with his sleeve. “It’s my job to look after you, buddy. Don’t pick up any more quarters, though, okay?”

“Okay.” As much as Jules wanted to protest that he was ten, he could look after himself, he had to admit it felt nice to know he wasn’t entirely to blame. He held out the crumpled tissue. “Here.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Remus blew his nose, then frowned. “Hang on, where did you get this? ‘Cause if it’s been sitting in your pocket for god knows—”

“I gave it to him,” the man interrupted with a sheepish smile. “And it was only in my pocket for about twenty minutes, I promise.”

Remus glanced up at them in surprise as he stood, like he had forgotten they were there. “Did you find him?”

“He found us, more like,” the lady joked. “It was only for a couple minutes.”

“I can’t thank you enough.” He sounded like he was going to start crying again, so Jules leaned into his side in support. The action did not go unnoticed; Remus’ arm wrapped around his shoulders and held him close.

The man shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Stay safe, kid.”

“I will,” Jules promised. Remus let out a shaky breath and sagged against Sirius as the pair walked away.

“That was the longest eight minutes of my life,” Sirius said, his voice hoarse.

“Am I in trouble?” Jules asked quietly.

Remus ran a hand through his hair. “No. You scared the shit out of us, but as long as it wasn’t on purpose, you’re not in trouble. Ready to head home?”

“Aren’t we supposed to go to the bookstore?”

“I think I’ve had enough of malls for today.” Sirius bent down and Jules practically fell into his open arms, snuggling into the soft fabric of his hoodie. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. Did you know you give awesome hugs?”

He felt a soft laugh against his cheek. “So I’ve been told.”

“I knew you’d come back for me.”

“There was never a doubt about that, buddy.”

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, sinking into the warmth that had become familiar. The hero-worship had started to fade as he grew to know Sirius off the ice, but he liked it better that way. “Love you.”

Sirius’ breath caught under his palms and he gave Jules a light squeeze. “I love you, too. Do you want to ride on my shoulders back to the car?”

Of all the questions Jules had been asked that afternoon, that one was the easiest to answer.

[gleamglowsgraveyard]

Ask for a sirius request and you shall receive. I've been thinking about this idea for a while (and your writing is perfect for it ily) but how about a ravenclaw reader who is friends with james or remus and they introduce them? The one in my head was remus going to her dorm for a sleepover and bringing sirius and just being like "isn't she neat :)" and sirius immediately falling in love 🥺 no pressure if you dont vibe with it 🥰 ily bunches

i went to ravenclaw tower and all i got was this lousy stained shirt

pairing: sirius/reader

word count: 3.9k

summary: james and remus play matchmaker for you and sirius

content: ravenclaw!reader, fluff, it gets awkward (some of this was hard to write... 😭😭), dialogue heavy, you and sirius are very back-and-forth-y and witty (you’ll see what i mean), i know the title is long but i thought it was funny and i can do what i want

this was such a fun request!! i hope you don’t mind i took some liberties because i just immediately imagined remus and james secretly trying to match the two of you up for a while!! also i turned the sleepover into a party at ravenclaw tower!! (also also i came up with some cute ravenclaw girl ocs just for this, they were supposed to be minor but ended up having their own sideplots because i get carried away with everything. but they were fun to write! i gave them backstories and everything so if anyone wants to know more about them just ask :)

warning: mentions of alcohol!!

“You should meet Sirius.”

“Black?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you know another Sirius?”

You stick your tongue out at him and Remus smiles.

“What is it with Sirius, huh?” you tell him, adding a few drops of rain water into the potion before handing Remus the spoon to stir. He takes it and immediately gets to work.

“You and James,” you continue, idly counting Remus’s counterclockwise stirs in your head. “Not a day goes by where you don’t tell me I have to meet Sirius.”

In truth, you’d seen Sirius a few times. And he’d seen you, but neither one of you had actually spoken more than a few words to the other. Especially not since sixth year. Sirius had dropped Potions and Astronomy as quick as he could - the only two classes you’d had left with him. And seeing as you were in different Houses, bumping into each other in the common room was off the table as well.

But you had Potions with Remus and Astronomy with James, and whenever they could, they would always mention how you just had to meet Sirius. You sometimes wondered if Sirius was always being told he had to meet you.

“I just think you’d get along,” Remus shrugs, halting his stirring before you can even tell him to do so.

You both work in tandem for a bit after that, dropping ingredients into your potion and stirring when needed. You liked partnering up with Remus for this exact reason. You’d both fall into a comfortable silence and develop a good rhythm - you just flowed well together.

Once the potion is nearly finished, Remus speaks up.

“What about tonight? Isn’t there a party at Ravenclaw?”

“Robin says not to call it a party.”

“Well, that’s what it is.”

“Yeah, but we can’t call it that. At least not out loud,” you insist, not wanting your dorm mate’s wrath to come back later and haunt you. “It’s a quiet get-together,” you correct him.

Remus scoffs, knowing damn well that Ravenclaw parties are anything but. “That, then. You can meet him there.”

You raise an eyebrow in complete disbelief. “You’re gonna get Sirius Black to come to a Ravenclaw party?”

“What happened to quiet get-together?”

Damn it.

You quickly spare a glance at Robin, but she’s all the way across the room, scolding her partner for something he did to their potion.

“Good luck with that,” you continue, pretending to ignore his quip.

“We’ll convince him!” Remus assures you, as if it’s the least of his worries.

“Okayyy...” you sing, entirely unconvinced.

You’ve never seen Sirius Black at a non-Gryffindor party. He has way too much House pride to ever be caught partying in another common room. You’re almost positive you’ve seen him root for Gryffindor at Quidditch matches even when the team isn’t playing.

“Okay? So you’ll meet him?” Remus presses.

You laugh. “Okay! I guess!” you tell him, resigned. “But you and James have been hyping him up for a while, so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t live up to my expectations and I end up hating him.” You shrug a shoulder as you turn down the fire under the cauldron.

Remus just grins. “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

.

.

.

Despite your nonchalant attitude with Remus earlier today, you actually find yourself feeling a bit nervous.

“Hey, do you guys know Sirius?” you ask over your shoulder as you straighten your outfit in the mirror. “Black?” you add quickly.

“Did you just ask us if we know Sirius Black?” A shrill voice cuts through the air and you know immediately that it’s Robin.

You groan, “I know, I know, everyone knows-”

“Everyone knows him,” Robin talks over you, and then sprays a copious amount of hairspray into her already voluminous blonde locks.

You move out of her way so she can use the mirror and she gratefully takes the opportunity, stepping in front of you to fluff up her roots.

“Yeah, how do you not know him?” Bea calls from the bathroom, where April is helping her into her dress.

“I mean, I know him,” you say, flopping down on your bed. “But I don’t actually know him. You know?”

“He was April’s first kiss!” Bea taunts. She makes several kissy noises and then you hear her say ‘ow!’

“You’ve got to stop bringing that up,” you hear April scold, “It was second year!”

Bea giggles and then skips out of the bathroom, April trailing closely behind.

Bea has on a stunning yellow sundress with long, belled sleeves - going all out, as usual. The color compliments her dark skin beautifully, but you know she’s really only wearing it to lure in that Hufflepuff boy she’s had her eye on.

April has still yet to get dressed, always waiting until the very last minute, but her straight black hair has been flawlessly curled - presumably Robin’s work.

“So what is it? Why do you wanna know about Black?” April asks politely, leaning against your bedpost as Bea sits on her trunk to slip on her shoes.

“James and Remus... They’re gonna get him to come here.”

Bea nearly drops her shoe, and Robin spins around to face you.

“Here?” The two say at the same time.

“Is he really?” April asks mildly, voice much gentler than the other two.

You shrug and nod your head at the same time, giving them an uncertain look. “I think so? Maybe? If they can convince him.”

There’s a beat of silence and then the hissing sound of Robin’s can of hairspray fills the air once more as she frantically tries to get her hair to cooperate. At the very same time, Bea starts to rummage around her wardrobe, muttering to herself about how ‘I think I have a red dress in here somewhere...’

It’s clear they’re both doubling their efforts, hoping to catch Sirius’s eye.

You laugh a bit and then turn to look at April, whose eyes are stuck on Robin’s reflection. She has a solemn expression on her face, but quickly snaps out of her trance when she notices you watching her.

“So,” she starts, putting on a small smile, “You’ve really never met Sirius Black?” she asks, sitting down beside you and crossing her legs beneath her.

“No, but I hear you have,” you tease, and she rolls her eyes.

“Yes, the first and only boy I’ve ever kissed.” She rolls her eyes.

You hear Robin fumble with her can of hairspray but think nothing of it.

April continues, “Anyway, that was second year,” she waves it off. “I do have muggle studies with him.”

“What’s he like?” you find yourself asking.

April shrugs a shoulder. “He’s nice, I suppose. Funny. Asks the professor a lot of questions about motorbikes.”

You tilt your head. “Motorbikes? Why?”

“Who knows. I think you two would get along, though.”

“Why’s that?”

April observes you for a few beats and then laughs a bit. You expect her to say something more but she just gives you a slight nudge with her elbow and then walks off, most likely to go get dressed.

Well that was pointless. You didn’t really learn anything useful. But then again, you’re not sure what you expected out of a conversation with April, who tends to keep her talking to a minimum (She claims it makes her more mysterious) (And she’s right, too).

Oh well. Perhaps you could find a way to strike up a casual conversation about motorbikes with Sirius.

Yeah, right.

.

.

.

It’s a few hours into the party when the door opens up, letting in James and Remus. Trailing behind them, looking unnecessarily wary, is Sirius Black. He traipses around as if at any moment something in the common room is going to jump out and bite him, and you struggle to stifle a laugh.

You quickly wander off before any of them can spot you, fleeing towards where the drinks are. You figure that when they find you, you may as well be doing something instead of just lamely standing around. So you pick up the ladle and start to refill your cup.

April had transfigured her cauldron into one made of glass, and Robin had used it to concoct her famous sickly sweet, lavender colored drink that she’d aptly named ‘Robin’s Brew’. It was made up of a mixture of muggle and wizard liquors, as well as a myriad of different fruit juices. The taste itself was actually semi disgusting, but you get used to it after the initial few sips.

You ladle some more of the drink into your cup and then spin on your heel, ready to resume the search for your friends.

That is, until you crash face first against a broad chest, effectively spilling ‘Robin’s Brew’ all over whoever you just bumped into.

“Oh my gosh!” you blurt out, setting the now empty cup down. “I am so sorry, I-” Your words catch in your throat when you finally look up to see the person’s face.

So much for a good first impression.

Sirius waves you off, looking down at his now purple stained white shirt. “Don’t worry ab-” he stops in the middle of the word as he raises his gaze to look at you.

His lips are still slightly parted as if his voice had simply escaped him mid-sentence, and his expression is stunned and mesmerized all at once.

“I, um...” he tries again, but it’s as if he’s been put in some kind of trance just by looking at you.

“Oh, great! You’ve met!” A cheery voice cuts through the tension, and you both turn your head to find James beaming at the two of you.

Trailing behind James is Remus, who takes in the state of the two of you and grimaces.

“Met?” Sirius voices as he looks at James, sounding a bit dazed.

“Yeah, remember? Y/N!” James reminds him. “She’s great, right?” he grins, and you cringe.

“Oh, this is...?” Sirius slowly turns his head to look at you again. “Hey...” he says faux-smoothly, as if attempting to salvage your very first meeting.

“Hey...” you say back a bit awkwardly. “Um... Look, there’s towels in my dorm, we can all go?” you suggest, looking to the others for approval.

“Why don’t you two go?” Remus proposes instead, and you shoot him an alarmed look.

“Yeah!” James nearly shouts, looking at Remus as if he’s a genius. “Yeah, you’ll find us later!” he’s quick to agree, and they both start to walk away.

You let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, I don’t know if-” you start, not sure if comfortable enough to be alone with a man you just met after spilling your drink on him.

But Remus and James don’t wanna hear it.

“Alright! See you later!” James throws a finger gun at you as he walks backwards and then spins on his heel.

“But I-”

“Bye!” Remus calls, and then they both disappear into a small crowd of people.

You turn to face Sirius, whose shirt is still dripping and who’s watching you with rapt intrigue. He turns away the moment your eyes meet, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Soon enough you’re leading Sirius down the corridor that leads to your dormitory, trying desperately to remember whether or not you’d tidied up your area of the room.

The door swings open just as you arrive at it, and from out of it come April and Robin who seem to be having a serious looking discussion. They quickly stop talking as soon as they spot the two of you, and April is quick to storm off, leaving Robin behind.

“Oh, you’ll want to get rid of that,” Robin says with a wince, gesturing at Sirius’s shirt. “The stain actually gets darker the more you try to get it off... So...”

You give a heavy sigh. “Yeah, thanks Robin.”

She shrugs apologetically with both hands in the air and then starts to walk off. “Robin’s Brew! Patent pending!” she calls over her shoulder as she scurries off to catch up with April.

“What’s up with them?” Sirius mutters under his breath as you lead him inside.

“Well, aren’t you nosy?” you’re quick to reply.

You say it as a joke, but immediately wish you could take it back. What were you thinking?! You didn’t know Sirius enough to joke around with him like that! You didn’t know him at all! Hell, you’d just spilled your drink all over him, for all you know the guy hates you!

You spin around, ready to apologize, but then Sirius is laughing, and you nearly let out a massive sigh of relief.

“Uh-” your apology catches in your throat for a moment but you quickly recover. “Sorry, I-”

“No, it’s okay.” He shakes his head. “You’re right, nosy is my middle name,” he tells you with a shrug and a lopsided grin.

You find yourself smiling back. “Sirius Nosy Black, huh?”

He hums. “Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, definitely.”

It’s silent for a moment as you both look at each other. Your thoughts leave you a bit as you get distracted by that strange way that he’s looking at you, but then you remember with a jolt that Sirius Black is in your dorm, shirt stained lavender and dripping ‘Robin’s Brew’ onto the floor.

“Um!” You scramble towards the bathroom and yank a random towel off the rack. “Here,” You toss it and Sirius catches it with one hand.

“You can, um...” You trail off but then realize you’re still standing in the doorway, effectively blocking his entrance. “Oh!” You quickly move out of the way, leaving a clear path for Sirius.

“Thanks,” he says with a slight laugh before disappearing into the bathroom.

Once the door closes you’re left alone, idly shuffling around, not really knowing what to do now.

This was horrible. All of this was horrible. You’re alone in your dorm with a man you’ve just met - sure he’s friends with Remus and James, but that doesn’t mean it’s not awkward!

You have to focus. You have to avoid any more tense silences. What would you say when he got out of the bathroom?

You suppose he did laugh at your quip earlier - he’d even added a little joke of his own. You’d gone back and forth a bit. It was easy to converse once you’d gotten started. But getting started was exactly the issue... You needed a good topic. Why can’t you think of a good topic?!

The door to the bathroom opens up and out walks Sirius, leather jacket now slung over his forearm and white shirt drier, but still equally stained.

You panic.

“Hey, do you like motorbikes?” You blurt out, and then have to resist the urge to hurl yourself out the window.

Sirius’s eyes widen and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, looking like a stunned fish, before saying “Motorbikes?”

You purse your lips. “Yeah, I was...” You shrug, trying to play off your very strange, very targeted question as just casual conversation. “I was just wondering... I dunno...” you say, leaning against one of your bedposts.

Sirius breaks out into a smile. “I have a motorbike.”

“Really! No way!” you exclaim, pretending to be shocked. Although you didn’t really know Sirius owned a motorbike, it wasn’t all that surprising considering what April had told you just a few hours ago.

Sirius’s eyes narrow slightly, looking at you as if he’s trying very hard to figure you out. “Yeah... I’m fixing it up right now...” he tells you, still grinning.

“Oh? Is it broken?”

He tilts his head back and forth a few times and then says “Not exactly.”

You cross your arms. “Then why are you fixing it up?” you challenge.

Sirius just rolls his eyes. “Well I’d argue that anything that can’t fly can definitely be improved.”

That startles a laugh out of you. “You’re gonna get your motorbike to fly?”

“Laugh it up now!” Sirius nods as you bring a hand to your lips, stifling your giggles. “No one’ll be laughing once I finish my flying motorbike!”

“Oh, I’d love to see it in action.”

“Sure, I’ll take you on a ride once it’s done,” he tells you, voice genuine.

That shuts you up. All of a sudden you find that you have no witty response. Apparently out of all the things that could have rendered you silent, the prospect of going on a ride on Sirius Black’s flying motorbike seems to have done the trick.

Sirius notices.

“I mean- If you want.” he quickly says, raising a hand. “I mean- Sorry. I know we just met, and I made you spill your drink, and I think I stained your towel with whatever that drink was - sorry about that too - but I-”

“Hey,” you cut him off, giving him a pointed but lighthearted look.

He gazes back expectantly.

“I’d love to,” you assure him, and he grins.

You don’t even remember what you were so nervous about. This was easy. Talking to Sirius was so easy once you got into a rhythm.

So you did.

You talked for a while, and when you got tired of standing you laid down on your bed, face down, head resting in your hands and legs kicking behind you as Sirius sat cross legged on your trunk in front of you. You talked about possible spells and modifications for Sirius’s motorbike, you bonded about all the times James and Remus had tried to get the two of you together, you even just talked about whatever nonsense came to your heads.

You were still talking (now both sitting on your bed) when the door creaked open, letting in April and Robin. April was asleep and Robin was carrying her bridal style. You notice they’re both barefoot, but Robin only has April’s shoes in hand - hers were probably somewhere in the common room.

“Oh, hey,” you say in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake April.

“Hey,” Robin responds, though she’s not quite as cautious with her volume as you.

Earlier today you’d have thought Robin would’ve freaked out the moment she saw Sirius, but if she cares about him being in the dorm, she doesn’t show it.

“She fell asleep on the couch. Thought I should leave her here,” the blonde explains as she pads over to April’s bed. She drops the shoes on the ground and then pauses to look at you. “Do you mind?” she questions, nodding her head towards the bed.

You quickly get up, striding over to April’s bed and pulling back the blankets.

“Thanks,” Robin murmurs as she gently sets the raven haired girl down.

You pull the covers up again and April stirs a bit but doesn’t wake up.

Robin finally acknowledges Sirius. “Hi,” she waves with a smile. Sirius smiles back. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“No, it’s fine. We were just talking,” you assure her, and she nods a bit before turning her attention back to April, gazing down at her with a slight furrow to her brow.

“Where’s Bea?” you voice, curious.

“Went off with her Hufflepuff, I expect.”

“Mm. Is the party over?”

“Quiet get-together.” Robin corrects you without a second thought and you laugh lightly, sitting back down on your bed beside Sirius. “And yeah. I’m gonna go try to clean up a bit,” she says, sounding like the prefect she is.

You watch as Robin hesitates over April for a bit, smoothing the blankets over, brushing stray hairs from the sleeping girl’s face. It’s as if she wants to take care of her but isn’t sure how. In the end, she gives you a smile, bids a polite ‘goodbye’ to Sirius, and then exits quietly.

“We never went and found James and Remus,” you turn to look at Sirius once the door closes and he grins.

“I don’t think they ever expected us to.”

“You’re probably right.”

April stirs again and you get up to close the curtains of her four-poster.

“I should go help Robin,” you tell Sirius, and he takes the cue quickly standing up.

“Right. Sorry I kept you up.“

“No, it was fun. Sorry I spilled my drink on you.”

“No, it was fun,” Sirius echoes, and you give him a slight shove.

The two of you walk across the room and out of the door in comfortable silence, and once you’re in the corridor you speak up.

“So, hypothetically,” you start.

“Uh-huh,” Sirius assents immediately.

“If you wanted to... I don’t know... Have breakfast with me tomorrow...”

“Oh?”

“How would you go about that?”

“Hypothetically?” Sirius raises an eyebrow, as if double checking.

“Of course,” you nod.

“Well in this completely made up scenario,” he starts, “I’d probably meet you here at seven and walk you down to the Great Hall.”

You fight a smile. “Well, great.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. Hypothetically I’d definitely be ready by then.”

“Perfect.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

You’ve reached the door that leads out of the common room by now, and you open it up, leaning against the frame. The rest of the castle is dark as it’s well past midnight, and you can hear the quiet sounds of nearby portraits snoring. You’d be worried about him getting caught, but with all the pranks the Marauders have pulled throughout the years, you know for a fact that Sirius Black had plenty of experience sneaking about the castle after curfew.

You watch as he lights his wand with a quick ‘Lumos’ and starts to walk off, but then he hesitates.

“What?” you voice as he turns around, walking back towards you.

He stops right in front of you, looking at you very intensely, scrutinizing every inch of your face. For a brief moment you expect him to lean in and kiss you, but then he speaks.

“I know you brought up motorbikes on purpose. That girl April takes muggle studies with me, and she-”

You quickly shut the door in his face and press your back against it, eyes wide and smiling despite yourself.

You scurry off to help Robin and a few others clean up, spirits high with the promise of having breakfast with Sirius tomorrow morning.

And who knows, maybe by tomorrow he’ll forget all about the motorbike thing. At least, you hope he does.

(He doesn’t.)

.

.

Bonus, the next morning:

“There they are!” James exclaims as you and Sirius approach the table.

“Did he live up to your expectations?” Remus asks you pointedly as you sit down, and you poke your tongue out at him in response.

And then you shrug. “I’ve gotta say, right off the bat I wasn’t impressed.”

“You’re the one who spilled your drink all over me. My poor new shirt! Ruined!”

“Oh, boo hoo. Where will you ever find another plain, white T-shirt?”

“It had sentimental value!”

“And now it has a cute new design! So you’re welcome.”

“You want me to thank you for a stain?”

“It’s a fun souvenir from your first time in a non Gryffindor common room.”

“I should write on it. Big letters: ‘I went to Ravenclaw Tower and all I got was this lousy stained shirt.’”

“At least the stain is purple, it looked nice. Suits you.”

“Are you saying I look good in purple?”

“Sure.”

“So you’re saying I look good?”

“I- I didn’t-” you stammer, and then groan.

“Ah-ha!” Sirius points a finger at you. “Outwitted by a Gryffindor! If only Rowena Ravenclaw could see you now.”

Across the table, Remus and James watch on in dismay.

“Are you already regretting getting them together or is it just me?” James voices.

In response Remus sighs, “Oh, it’s not just you.”

.

.

.

(hey ps for the sake of my sanity let’s just pretend there was no easy simple drying spell they could’ve used)

also: about robin & april

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taglist <3 // @isxfisticated @l-adysansa @tomshollandz

[endversewinchester]

Bit of backstory on the wolfsbane potion. Relevant for any marauders read through tbh.

We get to see Tonks again (as she’s stationed now at Hogsmeade, presumably to stay away from Remus) and she is still on a sour mood over being rejected. But she’s also not overdoing it, or mistreating Harry. She’s just more quiet. I still think this is well within her right.

Her having a wolf patronus now because Remus is a werewolf is where I think this might have gotten out of line. We’ve seen many other canon couples at this point, and none of them have the exact same patronus (at least those we’ve seen the patronus of).

The one person whose patronus reflects someone else’s in canon is Snape re Lily’s, and that was arguably more of an obsession than love. So I’ll be taking this here as the first red flag 🚩 on remadora and Tonks’ feelings in general.

I would love to think it isn’t all Remus. She is a wizard cop after all, and we are under a terrorist threat at this point in the story. I don’t trust JKR, but I will give Tonks the benefit of doubt in this case and say it isn’t just over Remus.

Sirius counts, Harry brought him up. We know Sirius was close to her mother Andromeda when they were young (but how close could they be when she was much older than him? More so that she was this nice big cousin figure to him, I guess). But I don’t think Sirius is a big factor here at all for her.

Snape being a dick is his default, so I will just grit my teeth. He doesn’t really get to speak, as his patronus is the only other one we’ve seen shift due to love. I am guessing that’s precisely why he’s salty. I am also mad that he’s taking a dig at Lupin indirectly here. Fuck off, dude.

Here you lost me, Harry. I don’t really think Snape’s teasing is what prompted Sirius to go off. Yes, his words definitely stung as they were meant to, however Sirius would have chased after you into the ministry even without them. One for his reckless personality, two for a sense of loyalty towards your father, and three to “fulfill his duties as a godfather”, so out of love to you.

Not to mention he dies not because he went, but because he got overconfident and teased Bellatrix. Snape had very little to do with the outcome here, though I’m sure he’s happy about it.

[padfootastic]

I am HERE for talking about the ways that Jegulus and Wolfstar stans regularly diminish J and S’s bond… James would NEVER externally or internally trash S in comparison to R OR scorn S for leaving his family. And I really dislike a common WS trope of Remus being the only one who can “understand” Sirius and be there for him… like if Sirius is gonna show vulnerability to anyone or have anyone fundamentally accept who he is it’s gonna be to James!!!

oh no we’re really kicking all the nests today aren’t we 💀 *war flashbacks to my first month here*

under a cut because, well, slightly incoherent rant alert lol

but i cannot even—like okay, i get it, anyone can write what & how they want, i would never presume to tell them what to do but at the same time, i just wanna scream all day long when i see certain characterisations lol

i firmly believe that james was super emotionally sensitive when it came to sirius—knew right from the beginning how to tread around him and part of that came from him not being afraid of him, not wanting to change him. bc let’s be real, sirius has so many rough edges, he can be cruel and vindictive and uncaring and perhaps only someone as privileged and confident as james can handle that but that’s how it is. james will never withdraw his love from sirius, no matter what happens (and yes i’m looking at some of the prank writers who keep them separated for weeks/months, esp while sirius is visibly suffering) and to make him do that feels like such a disservice to his character. hell, one of his definitive traits is faith in his friends, no man left behind. (i also just wonder, sometimes, the strength with which single, pampered child, james latched on to sirius and shares his home, heart, and family with him—)

i wrote this dark sirius oneshot a while ago, and honestly, the entire thing stemmed from my hardcore belief that james would not judge any part of him (or well, maybe a better way to put it is, wouldn’t suppress any part of him. will accept sirius for who he is) and while everyone else looks at him as sirius Black, part of a super dark, DE sympathetic family—james gives him a clean slate. there’s no baggage with him. and that means so much to sirius who’s always felt the weight of his name pulling him down. (but like also, it’s such a complicated love-hate relationship because he can’t entirely give up on his family either and again, james doesn’t force him to)

as for remus being the only one to understand sirius,,,the dude was unwilling to examine even his own self and motivations, you think he’s got the patience for anyone else? i think a lot of remus stans like to construct this super pitying backstory for him to make his actions look better (and that’s always confused me because i always thought/hc’d he had a fairly decent family life before hogwarts but hey, i don’t have to be correct) and the seemingly natural conclusion of that rough living arc is understanding towards sirius’ souped up trauma too. because remus has been through *so much* shit whereas james is just a privileged little kid, so only he can understand sirius who has his own demons, it’s the shared darkness in them, you see.

which i mean, look, i totally see where that’s coming from. but like u said!!! the undermining of james in this scenario!!! every single account we have of the marauders portrays a very clear dynamic- j&s in the centre, and peter and remus in the somewhat periphery. (now, i don’t believe either of them were pity friends like a lot of people but that’s a topic for another day, but there was definitely some lines drawn). the fact that sirius runs away to james is such a clear show of trust, james making him godfather in the middle of a war?? fuck. these two were so intertwined in each other’s lives.

i actually think remus’ trauma and character would make him more blind to sirius, controversial as that is. the man clearly loves his self pity, is a bit of a coward (self admitted), and has a confrontation-avoidant nature. that’s so far apart from sirius as a person, who prefers initiative, isn’t afraid to introspect, and doesn’t shy away from the ugly parts of life. remus focuses so much on his werewolf identity that it’s entirely likely he’d be ignorant to others. and sirius, who needs steady, stable support, won’t find it there.

but that’s just me.

[full-moon-hate-account]

tw // internalised homophobia

this is a bit of an extract from this huge notes page i have full of scenarios for my ideal marauders book, which is why it’s so messy. i might share some more in the future but this is one of my favourites :)

firstly, for some backstory - sirius was fighting a lot of internalised homophobia. this is set in late june, 6th year, and in addition to having dated quite a lot of girls recently, he wanted to part himself from his “girly” side. he’d therefore cut his shoulder length hair.

oh boy. i tried to stay away from the angsty first kiss trope but here we are

when sirius started crying after having cut his hair, remus noticed, came into his bed, comforted him,,,

and made him feel so loved

sirius thought he’d made remus angry - or even worse, disappointed - after cutting his hair

but remus brushed it off and said that he (remus) had just acted badly

and that it was sirius’ decision after all.

but then sirius asked,“do you dislike it?”

remus seemed to stop and think for a second, staring hard into sirius’ eyes,

before his face softened and he said, “no. your hair’s nice.”

and before he could stop himself, sirius whispered with a fond smile, “you’re nice.”

to which remus replied with a laugh

but sirius could swear he saw his friend’s cheeks flush

they looked at each other for what felt like minutes, before remus cleared his throat and said, “alright, mate, i think it’s time for you to go to sleep now.”

and then he reached out and kissed sirius on the forehead

which made sirius freeze

because, for some reason...

the feeling he got when remus’ lips touched him felt like what he’d been waiting for forever, the last piece of the puzzle

and when remus had gone back up, sirius stared into his eyes, pulled him back down...

and kissed him.

full on the lips.

and remus let him.

but when they pulled back, though, sirius felt absolutely terrified that he’d done such a thing

and apologised, turned off the lights, and shooed remus out

he got a new girlfriend the day after.

remus distanced himself from sirius the second he saw him with his new girlfriend

they didn’t really talk for the rest of the year

sirius had started getting flashbacks to the prank at that point, and felt like a horrible person (rightly so, to be honest).

sirius broke up with his girlfriend straight before the summer holidays - he couldn’t have her following him around all the time

and he had a feeling they wouldn’t get anywhere, anyway

‘cause he didn’t take the fact that he thought “bloody women🙄” every time he ever hung out with his girlfriends as a good sign

then the summer came, and one night he’d started feeling especially upset about everything.

so he did the only thing he thought could help.

sirius’ mind wasn’t fully working when he made his way to remus’

he was about to apparate straight there from his room at the potters, when he realised he should probably tell james first

but he couldn’t actually tell james

and what was he supposed to say???

“sorry, mate, i have to go straight to our other best friend cause i‘m sort of in love with him in a gay way”

he’d have to go in the morning, he thought

but this is urgent business

just when he was finalising his decision, it started raining outside.

sirius swore under his breath and left

he became unsure that he was doing the right thing again the second he arrived at remus’ street.

the rain quickly fought its way through his clothes and down to his cold skin as he stood there pondering, so he decided to move.

the easy part, going there - that was over. but he knew he had to finish the hard part, too.

he stopped at the porch, hesitating once again, when the door opened

and there was remus, in one of his stupid old knitted sweaters and corduroy trousers, looking utterly perplexed

sirius looked up at him, almost crying now, and breathed, “i’m such an idiot.”

remus’ expression hardened slightly at that. it wasn’t like he could disagree.

“i know.”

sirius laughed pathetically as the first few tears fell.

he looked down at his feet, hoping that remus wouldn’t notice that he was crying, and was about to tuck his hair behind his ear - when he realised he couldn’t really do that anymore

that seemed to soften remus up a bit.

“hey,” he whispered softly, making sirius look back up.

sirius gave him a weak smile before a frown tugged on his lips once again, “i’m so sorry.”

remus just shook his head and pulled his shorter friend in for a hug

he (remus) was pretty much soaked now, too, but he didn’t mind

sirius apologised over and over again into remus’ sweater, fully crying now, as remus softly whispered, “it’s okay, alright? it’s okay.”

sirius pulled back and stared into his friend’s beautiful eyes, switching his gaze between the two of them frequently

they stood there for a while before sirius let out a breathy laugh, loosing all conscience, and murmured, “i really want to kiss you right now.”

he swallowed heavily, trying to repress his doubt, and looked down at remus’ lips for a moment before gazing into his eyes once again

then he gave a nervous smile and quietly asked, “can i kiss you?”

and remus stared back at him, speechless

before placing a finger under sirius’ chin, softly lifting his face up, and kissed him carefully on the lips

this basically just a huge ramble, but i hope you enjoyed anyway<3

[stars-a-n-d-scars]

Who are your favorite characters from the Harry Potter? Do you have any favorite ships?

Okay so:

Marauders Era: Characters

Remus Lupin

I mean obviously. How could you not love him. I just... he's perfect. There are so many different ways people interpret his character, and the way his backstory is just so fucking tragic, yet he remains a good person throughout it all is just *chef's kiss*

Sirius Black

My bretheren. I relate to him so hard. Having troubles with family, not fitting in, feeling like you have enormous expectations to love up to, putting on a facade of confidence while actually being extremely insecure, I just love him so much.

Marlene McKinnon

My lesbian QUEEN. I think she and Sirius balanced eachother so well, and I adore the idea of her also being a slightly ignorant pure-blood who learned to be better through her friends (and girlfriend, Dorcas).

Regulus Black

There is so much that goes unexplored in Reggie's character. I love seeing the different directions that different people go in with him.

Marauders Era: Ships

Wolfstar

My home. My life. My soul. I adore this ship, there are no words.

Jily

I feel like Jily is that token hetero couple that we all love so much. There are so many different takes on the ship, but all-in-all I just love them.

Dorlene

Not much of the fandom actually centres around dorlene, they're more of a peripheral ship, but I love them all the same.

Golden-Trio Era: Characters

Luna Lovegood

Love her. I hc Luna as an Autistic person, and she was such a comfort character growing up, showing me it was okay to be a bit different and like what you like, even if people laugh at you for it.

Ginny Weasley

Don't even get me started on how the movies did not do this queen justice. Adore her.

Hermione Granger

Hermione can get so much hate, and although she is a bit of a pain at times, I totally love her character and how she works so hard because she feels like she needs to in order to fit in (much like Remus).

Neville Longbottom

Plants. That's it.

Golden-Trio Era: Ships

I don't have many golden-trio era ships, but here are some, plus I added my opinions on some of the existing ones.

Nuna (Neville + Luna)

Love it. Totally see it. Wish it had worked out in canon. I can see them as profs at hogwarts along side eachother, like neville in herbology and Luna maybe in like divination or smthng.

Drarry

No. Nope. Not for me, sorry. I just don't see it.

Harmione

Why not? I know it isn't canon, but it does kinda make sense to me. I don't really like Ron and Hermione together anyway, I feel like this makes much more sense.

Hinny

Yup. Again, in the movies, total shit, despise it, but in the books, great, awesome, pls give me more.

Remadora

Not sure if this counts, but I want to say how much I HATE IT. "Oh, let's take two obviouslt queer characters and just smash them together even though it makes no sense at all, just to stop speculation about them being queer". Fuck that shit. No. I see them as great friends, and I like fics in which they had Teddy as a one-night stand drunken mistake sort of thing but then become great co-parents, but as an actual couple, absolutely the fuck not.

So there you go! Thanks for asking.