#How to Stop Substance Abuse in Youth

[beomiracles]

「 CRIMINAL CONSCIENCE 」

SYNOPSIS moving rapidly through your career as one of the leading female investigators, you never once encountered a case you couldn't crack. though you never expected for your past mistakes to come back and haunt you in the form of an ex lover, accused of murder.

pairings: criminal!beomgyu x investigator!reader warnings for tape 01: mentions of drugging/drug use. oral (f, rec), marking.

GENERAL WARNINGS ─ this story contains dark themes, portraying unhealthy and toxic relationships as well as substance abuse. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

✎ NOTE, this story is partly told in flashbacks. beware of time stamps as present and past is mixed throughout the story.

the tape recordings

tape 01 ─ stay away from Choi Beomgyu

February 19th 2024 ─ present time 

You hated being late. You hated feeling rushed, the way things would always turn out half-assed. Yet you had turned off alarm after alarm, snoozing past at least five of them before finally pulling yourself out of bed with a groan. 

Though one glance at your phone has you rushing to your feet. There was no way you’d make it in time. Pulling on your shirt, looking everywhere for a pair of socks, toothbrush in your mouth. Having to redo your ponytail three times because your stubborn hair refused to lay flat and you’d run out of hair gel. 

One hand on the steering wheel and one applying lipstick messily all over your lips, you sway past the cars on the crowded roads. Parking was easy, you almost made it on the first try this time. 

Stumbling your way through the hallways of your office building, earning rather confused looks from your colleagues. Finally you make it to your office, your own private space. Breathing out a sigh of relief as the door closes behind you, you glance at the clock. Only five minutes late, that was 300 seconds and... 

“That’s not important now”, you sigh as you drag your feet over to your desk. There’s an unfamiliar file on top of your rather large pile. Frowning, you pick it up. Just as you’re about to open it and have a look your phone chimes. 

You bring the device to your ear, “you here yet?” Yeonjun's voice carries over the line. Rolling your eyes, you sit down on your desk, “of course, what do you honestly think of me”,  you snort. 

“Nevermind, don’t”, you then add with a groan. Your colleague chuckles on the other side of the phone. “You seen the file I left for you?”, he asks. You turn said file over in your free hand, “you left it?”. Yeonjun hums, “I need you down in the interrogation rooms in about fifteen, that okay?” 

“Of course, I’ll be there in ten”, you grin and Yeonjun scoffs, “i’ll bet”. You hang up and shove your phone in your back pocket before you make your way toward the interrogation rooms. 

The sound of your heels clacking along the stone floors fill the now empty hallway. Your ponytail swings in tune with your steps and you reapply your favorite red lipstick. Red had never been a color of your choice, but it had been someone else’s.

Another echo of footsteps join yours and soon a voice calls out, “miss y/l/n!”.  Turning around on the spot a smile finds its way to your lips, “Huening!”, you exclaim as the younger man approaches you. 

Huening had this boyish appearance that made him look youthful and innocent. No wonder so many of your female coworkers had a thing for him. Your own history of lovers, on the other hand, were far from anything and everything Hueningkai represented. 

The younger man gives you a shy smile as he hands you a mug of coffee, “you seemed to be in a rush earlier so I…”, he trails off as his gaze falls on the mug in his hand. “Well…”

“That’s very considerate of you, thank you”, you say as you take the cup from him. Bringing it up to your lips you smile, “how did you know I love lattes?”.  The tips of Huening’s ears turn pink, “I er…just y’know, went with my gut feeling…”. 

A small giggle escapes your lips, “never stop trusting it”, you say as you give his shoulder a pat. The younger man’s ears turn from pink to a flaming red as he nods. Clearing his throat he glances at the file in your hand. 

“New case?”, he asks and you nod. “I’m about to meet the suspect just now”, you say as you take a sip of the coffee. On your way you had gone through the pages briefly. To be honest you would need at least thirty minutes to just sit down and read through them. But time was a luxury you couldn’t afford today. 

Huening nods as he fidgets with the hem of his shirt, “perhaps…when you’re done, we could get lunch together?”.  It was impossible for you to decline his sweet request, “I would love to”. Your younger colleague beams as he takes goodbye of you. 

Sipping on your coffee, your red lipstick stains the cup. Eyes scan the papers one last time as you approach the interrogation room. Yeonjun meets you by the door, “you got the files?” he asks and you nod. 

“Yes, though I’ve barely had time to go through them thoroughly”, you admit as you recall your rushed morning. Yeonjun shakes his head, “don’t sweat it”. He brings out a file of his own as he reads a few main points to you. 

“23, male, brought in yesterday night at 1.22am”. Yeonjun flips the paper, “he’s under investigation for murder and attempted arson”. You nod along as you sip on your coffee, arson and murder wasn’t an unusual combination. 

“Any witnesses?” you ask and Yeonjun shakes his head, “none have come forward”. You frown, “how is he linked to the crime?”. Your colleague puts his files down as he turns to look at you, “victim’s DNA on him”. 

Your eyebrows raise in evident surprise, “really?”. Should no other evidence or witnesses surface the man would be as good as guilty already. Yeonjun nods as he unlocks the door for you, “good luck, I’m on the other side of the glass at all times”, he reassures and you give him a thankful smile as you step inside. 

Your heels echo inside the small and dark room as you approach the table in the middle of it. Not looking up from your files you slide down on the chair opposite the man. 

“You are being investigated for the murder of Park Baekhyun as well as the attempted arson against his property. You have the right to remain silent and or request for an attorney, keep in mind that anything you say can be used against you in court”, you say as you place your files down on the table. 

The man in front of you looks up and your eyes widen. His dark eyes pierce yours in such a familiar way that you almost have a hard time controlling your breathing. Lips curling into a smirk as he looks at you.

But that can't be him, it’s impossible, yet he looked exactly like… 

“Beomgyu?” 

Your mouth betrays you before your mind has the chance to stop it. Beomgyu’s smirk only widens as it exposes his shiny teeth, the same teeth that had grazed your skin so many times before. 

He lets out a short laugh, “dollface, it’s been a while hasn’t it?”. 

You want to yell, shout, cry, possibly even throw your coffee in his face. But you do nothing. The smirk on his face doesn’t falter as Beomgyu tilts his head to the side, studying you, as if trying to calculate your next move, you knew he could. 

Though before he has the chance to, the door behind you clicks open. Yeonjun enters with a frown plastered on his normally expressionless and professional face.

“You know this guy?”, he questions and you nod without taking your eyes off Beomgyu who’s smirk only widens. “Know? That’d be an understatement”. Yeonjun gives Beomgyu a short glance before he beckons you to follow him out. 

As the doors to the interrogation room closes behind the two of you, Yeonjun turns to you with a sigh. “What on earth is going on?”. You chew on your bottom lip hesitantly, “well, I sort of…we sort of….” “were something?”. You nod, “yes, something like that”. 

“It was a long time ago though”, you quickly add in a rushed tone and Yeonjun raises an eyebrow. “Exactly how long is long ago?”, he questions. 

You nervously scratch at your forearm as your gaze wanders, anywhere but Yeonjun’s eyes. “I haven’t seen him in ten months..”, your voice is hushed, shameful even. And you were ashamed, ashamed of having any sort of connection to a man like that. 

The look your colleague gave you might as well have had you resigning on the spot. “Jesus christ”, he mumbles as he runs a hand through his hair, “I’ll take you off the case, we’ll find someone and─” 

“No!” 

The words leave your lips before you even have the chance to consider them. Why? You had no clue, but you knew that you wanted─ no, needed this case. Maybe it was only to satisfy your own curiosity or perhaps it was to gain some sort of closure. Either way you knew that this case could not go to someone else. It had to be you.

Straightening your back, you glance up at Yeonjun as your arms fall to your sides. “I’m confident that I can do this”, you state as you hold his gaze. The older man gives you a look of disbelief but your persistence eventually makes him cave as he sighs. 

“Alright, but if I notice that things are getting out of hand, you’re out”. 

You smile, “thank you”. Yeonjun nods, “well then, if you’re ready then go on back inside”. 

The silence as the doors close behind you to the interrogation room is deafening. Glancing down at the table you notice your coffee cup missing. Beomgyu turns said cup around in his hands as he studies it closely. 

“You like your coffee black”, he states as you sit down opposite him. Why would he remember that? Why did your stomach jump at the fact that he did remember such a detail? You push it aside as you look up to meet his gaze, “things change”, you say as reorganize the files in front of you. 

Beomgyu grins, “not you”. He leans forward as his cuffed hands rest on the table in front of him, “you look just the same”, he mumbles as he studies your face closer. You refuse to lean back, that would mean that you were scared, that you would let him win. And you wouldn’t, not this time. 

“Well luckily we’re not here to talk about me”, you give him a small smile and watch as he leans back in his chair with a small grunt. 

“Last night”, you begin as you glance down at the files once more, “you were at present at Park Baekhyun’s property between the hours of 10pm and 1am, what were you doing there?”. 

Beomgyu bites the inside of his cheek as he grins, “cleanin’ up a mess”. You raise an eyebrow as you question him further, “what kind of mess?”. He smirks, “well certainly not the ones we used to make”. You swallow as you try to dismiss anything he says. 

“What kind of mess was my question”, you repeat and Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “One of my employees messed up, he’s new, I don’t blame him”. His eyes flicker toward the glass window on one of the walls, certainly aware of the fact that Yeonjun was on the other side, even though he couldn’t see him. 

“You gotta go easy on the newbies”, he then adds as his eyes shift back toward you with a mischievous glint. “But you would know all about that, wouldn’t you?” he smirks as his tongue prods at the inside of his cheek. 

“I went easy on you the first time”. 

He didn’t. Perhaps that was why you remembered your first encounter with Beomgyu to this day. 

March 28th 2022 

“Oh come on, don’t be like that. Everyone will be there!”, your friend Kayla whines as she tugs at your arm. You shake your head, “no, everyone you know will be there”. Finally pulling yourself from her grasp you flop back down on your bed. “It’ll just be awkward to bring me along”, you mutter. 

Though your friend won’t have it. “Well if you’re not going then I’m not either”. The bed squeaks as she takes place beside you. The two of you stare up at the ceiling of your small apartment in silence for about thirty seconds before Kayla starts once again. 

“Pleaseeeeee”, she whines as she rolls over on her side to look at you. Giving you her best pout and puppy eyes you finally give in. “Fine, but you better not leave my side”. 

The first thing Kayla did was leave your side. Running off to wrap her arms around that no-good boyfriend of hers. You swallowed a gag. The club was hot, smelled like alcohol and sex, and was absolutely crowded. 

You instantly regretted coming here. You knew no one, and without your only friend, your introverted self could count on a lonely night. Quietly making your way over to the bar, you order yourself a drink in an attempt to drown your regret. 

As you sip on your drink, your eyes scan the dance floor after your friend. Though all you could make out were half naked bodies pressed against one another. You found your eyes wandering over to the small booths by the sides of the main floor. They were secluded, but far from private. 

Then your eyes fell on him. He wasn’t your type, at least you thought he wasn’t. Maybe it was the liquor, or the overwhelming sense of loneliness you felt that night. But when your eyes locked with his, you swear the two of you could’ve been the only people in the room. 

Sprawled out on the sofa to one of the booths, two of the prettiest girls draped over him, drink in his hand, mid conversation with one of the guys next to him, yet his eyes remained on yours. 

One of the girls plays with his long dark hair as she whispers into his ear. He smirks as he brings his drink to his lips, over the rim of the glass you catch the subtle wink he gives you. Your heart skipped a beat. 

It wasn’t like you weren’t used to getting hit on. Or even just subtly flirted with, but this, this felt different. This man was far from anything you had ever laid your eyes on, you felt intoxicated but you weren’t so sure that it was because of your drink. No, there was something about him. 

So you did the only reasonable thing, you winked back. 

The man’s smirk only widened as his free hand moved up the inner thigh of the other girl. She squirmed under his touch, emitting small giggles as she leaned in to kiss at his neck. He seemed to pay her little mind, eyes still trained on yours. 

No matter how badly you wanted to, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from him. He was so… “Don’t even think about it”, Kayla mutters as she appears next to you, causing you to jump in your seat. 

“What?” you question as you finally pull your gaze from the man and to your supposed friend. She rolls her eyes as she motions towards the man, “him”. “Don’t even think about starting anything with that man”. 

You frown, “I wasn’t…”─ “oh no but you were”, she cuts you off as she orders a drink of her own. “That man is no good”, she continues as she leans against the bar, “only uses girls for his own pleasure, you’ll get hurt”. 

You scoff, “what if I only seek pleasure”. Kayla frowns as she turns to look at you, “then I suggest you seek it elsewhere, he is no good”. Receiving her drink she takes a large swig and you set your own empty glass down. 

“How do you know about him?” Kayla had never even mentioned the man to you before and you were curious to know her history with him. Your friend shakes her head, “used to be close to this one girl, then one night she’s off with him”. 

Kayla sighs as she takes another sip of her drink, “next time I see her is two weeks later, drugged out of her mind”. Your eyes widened, Kayla had never even mentioned anything like this to you, perhaps you could understand why. 

She points her drink toward the man again. His hands roam the bodies of the girls who cling to his sides as they whisper sweet nothings into his ears. “That, is what that man will do to you”, she states as she downs the last of her drink. “Besides”, she shrugs, “I have never seen him with the same woman twice”. 

Setting her glass down, Kayla pulls herself from the bar, “I gotta get back to Jim”, she gives your cheek a quick peck, “call me when you’re ready to go home, yeah?”. She scurries off onto the dance floor before you have the chance to reply. 

Sighing, you return your attention to the bar as you order yourself another round. Whilst waiting on your drink you feel a hand on your shoulder. Startled, you turn your head to be met by an unfamiliar man. He gives you a polite smile as he introduces himself, “Hwan” .

You can’t help but smile back, “Y/n”, you say and when he asks to join you, you comply. Hwan takes the seat next to yours, “how come I haven’t seen you before, you new in town?”, he asks as he orders himself a drink. 

You shake your head, “no, just not a fan of clubs I suppose..”. The man nods, “I see, then I must’ve been real lucky to catch you here”, he grins and you giggle, “indeed”. 

“You here with a friend or boyfriend?”. “Just a friend, she sort of forced me along”, you say as you sip on your drink. “So no boyfriend then?”, he asks, leaning slightly closer. 

Just as you’re about to tell him no, a tall figure appears behind him. His presence makes the hair on the back of your head stand up. Hwan, inevitably notices the man as he turns around in his seat with a frown. 

“Can I help─”, he begins but is quickly cut short. 

“Scurry off”, the man who you’d locked eyes with previously says. Hwan glances between you and the man in a confused manner. When you don’t say anything he finally gets up as he gives you a small bow. 

The man from earlier clicks his tongue as he takes Hwan’s seat, quickly calling the bartender over, “I’ll have what she’s having”. 

A small silence falls over the two of you and you nervously grip your glass. What was going on? You had certainly seen the same man with two girls all over him not less than ten minutes ago. Why was he here? With you?

Sneaking a glance at him you find him already looking at you. His eyes study your face in an almost calculating way. Though he doesn’t say anything, the smirk that etches its way onto his face gives away that he likes what he sees. 

As he gets his drink, the metal rings on his fingers make a clinking sound against the glass. He takes a sip as he continues to study your face. You shift in your seat, feeling rather uncomfortable under his intense gaze. 

“Choi Beomgyu”, he then says. The name fit him, oddly enough. Perhaps it was a bad idea to give out your own name, a piece of you, to the man your friend had previously warned you about. But this man intrigued you, almost like a forbidden fruit that you know you shouldn’t eat. Yet you can’t help but wonder, could one bite be so bad? 

“Y/l/n, y/n”, you say as you set your glass down. Beomgyu’s smirk widens. “You come here often?”, he asks and you shake your head, “rarely”.  He hums against the rim of the glass, “you didn’t really strike me as the type anyway”. 

You can’t help but frown at his answer, “then what type is that?”. Beomgyu raises an eyebrow as he glances toward the dance floor, you follow his gaze. “Her”, he mutters, “and her, her, her and her”. 

You take in the appearance of the multiple half naked girls, pushing anything and everything they could onto the nearest stranger. Beomgyu’s eyes snap back to yours, under the blues and purple of the club, they glint in an almost starlike way. 

“But not you”, he states. 

“Not me”, you agree as you finish your drink. You look at him as you brush a strand of hair from your face, “then perhaps, you’re striding outside of your usual target group”. 

Beomgyu tilts his head, “I’m not opposed to trying new things”.  

Maybe it was the liquor, or the fact that Kayla had already warned you about him, or maybe it was the way his eyes drugged you stronger than any other substance could. But you found yourself wanting more, if he wasn’t opposed to trying new things, then who says you weren’t either?

And perhaps that was why you had let him lead you upstairs. Let him close the door behind you, sealing you away from the world. Let him push you back against the soft mattress of the foreign bed. 

And maybe, just maybe that was why you had let his hands wander. The same way they did those girls not even an hour earlier. The cold metal of his rings digging into your soft thighs as he pushes them apart. 

When his lips found your neck, they were soft. You had little expectations of the man currently between your legs, however, his lips being soft, had not been one of them. And he’s gentle, a lot more than you had expected. He takes his time exploring you, as if you were an exotic and foreign artifact. Something that he had never before come across. 

His large hand cups your face as he exhales, letting his warm breath fan your face. His thumb pulls your bottom lip down before he pushes it inside. Your tongue immediately wraps around it as your eyes lock with his. 

“You’re so pretty”, he murmurs as his free hand brushes through your hair. “Pretty like a doll”,  his eyes wander down your body. “Made out of porcelain, untainted and perfect”, he whispers as he pulls his thumb from your mouth. 

His now saliva coated thumb presses against your clit in a menacing way as you squirm beneath him. “And such a pretty pussy too”, he groans as he leans down to ghost his lips over where you need him the most. 

His tongue drags between your folds, drawing moans and whines from you as you grip onto the bed sheets. As his tongue dwells deeper, Beomgyu uses his hands to roughly massage and grope your thighs, making sure to leave you blue and purple. 

Occasionally inhaling before diving right back at your cunt, his nose stimulating your clit just enough to have you see stars but never a shooting one. Beomgyu groans between your legs at the sheer taste of you. 

“Need more”, he grunts as he pulls you closer to his face. “You’ll give me more, won’t you dollface?” 

You nod furiously as your thighs close around his head. Finishing all over his face with a small cry as you grip the bed sheets enough to cause ripping. 

As your orgasm fades and all that is left are your trembling legs, Beomgyu finally pulls himself from your cunt. Nose, lips and chin coated in all of you. His dark eyes find yours as he smirks, “I like you dollface”, he states. 

“I’ll keep you”. 

And that was, exactly, how you became infatuated with Choi Beomgyu.

A/N ─ EEEK, it's finally out!!! please please please drop some feedback I would love to hear your opinions >.< also this Beomgyu is such a 180 degree turn from pretty princess Beomgyu so it's been a little challenging to write but I am loving it so far!!

✎...taglist @beomtasticc @beomies-world @leeminhosairfryer @baekberrie @fairyofyeongyu @lunathewritingcat @archoive @baemgyu @yunjinsbbg @velvetmoonlght @luvsyuqii @seokqt

→ want to get notified whenever a new dream is published? join my TAGLIST ★ all rights reserved ─ @beomiracles 2024

[fullhalalalchemist]

🚨🚨🚨Congress hiding behind "protecting" LGBTQ+ to push for censorship bills that would harm us

May 8, 2023

The EARN IT Act isn't the only bill Congress is rushing through this session that's secret goal is to censor and surveil Americans, especially queer ones.

KOSA (s.1409), or the Kid's Online Safety Act, is being hailed across the mainstream media and congress as the best bill to "protect children online from algorithmic harm" by essentially, blocking content that gives minors anxiety, depression, eating and substance abuse disorders, online bullying and harassment, sexual exploitation and abuse, suicidal behaviors, and addiction. It's gives the FTC, who are politically appointed by the president, and all 50 state attorney generals enforcement power to do this. As long as they can justify a website 'harmed' a minor by having content that leads to 'anxiety, sexual exploitation, and suicidal behaviors', they will push lawsuit over lawsuit to that site until it censors that content for the minor.

Oh, but that's not it, either. HOW will websites determine who is and isn't a minor? Well don't worry, because the bill says "age verification isn't required". That however does nothing to stop websites from pushing age verification. When they're about to be held liable and sued for millions, when there's an age verification lobby that has pushed these bills successfully in half the states, when websites should know "reasonably" that theres a minor, they are GOING to go for age verification. Multiple experts agree that this would happen.

Last year, nearly 100+ LGBT and human rights orgs sent a letter opposing KOSA. They were ignored and Senator Blumenthal (same guy who is pushing the EARN IT Act) met with different orgs to "update the language". Except nothing in the update language changes any of it's impact. Sure, they removed "grooming" from being a target of this bill and instead are focusing on "mental health". Except, the Missouri Attorneys General, in his emergency order banning gender affirming care, cited a number of medical studies effectively claiming that access to gender affirming care is causing young people to experience mental health issues. They will use ANY excuse to censor content.

This is the tumblr purge 2.0 but for the entire internet. It's just as bad as the EARN IT Act. And it has IMMENSE levels of support. You have the national Eating Disorder Coalition, child advocacy orgs, the freaking American Psychological Association, LIZZO!!!! supporting this. It needs IMMENSE levels of backlash from us, the grassroots, the people.

The best way to fight back is to CALL YOUR SENATORS. It's now going to go to the commerce committee for markup, after it will head to a vote. This is going to be fasttracked and most likely voted on this month or June. It's all hands on deck.

Link to call script to read off alongside numbers to call:

A bunch of petitions you can sign (takes less than 5 min)

Open Letter Against KOSA

Petition 1

Petition 2

Petition 3

Petition 4

Resistbot: Text PHJDYH to 50409

And more information here: Linktree

This is a great TLDR article to read: Vox Article

TLDR; Congress's new bill KOSA that has an immense amount of bipartisan support will lead to internet censorship by giving all state attorney generals, even the ones in Texas and Florida, power to sue websites for "harmful" content and decide what is "dangerous" for minors, force websites to make you upload your govt ID online, and lead to widespread abuse of queer youth. We have to fight back NOW or else we will see an internet-wide purge of any adult and queer content online, globally.

[infraaa]

KOSA 101

Let’s talk about this. This is something I haven’t seen a lot of in my end, and this new bill may be troubling to not just us as a whole, but content creators. So, this isn’t just exclusive to AO3 anymore. This can go as far as places like Wattpad, Quotev, DeviantArt, and here.

So, to put it bluntly, if you give a fuck, listen.

What is KOSA?

KOSA (Kids Online Safety Act,) is a bill within the United States that was initially created last year with the aim of protecting youth (considerably age 16 and under,) from viewing harmful content online. It has since been updated and reintroduced by Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) and Marsha Blackburn (R-TN.) Now, on surface level, it may seem like this has a good outlook, right? Not in the slightest. This bill, while it may not be passed yet rather introduced, may take an extreme to protect youth and monitor all. Yes, I said monitor.

Not only is NSFW content bound to be flagged, which may totally censor a lot of creators not just on this platform but others, a wider band that is under this new bill is LGBT+ content. According to Senator Blackburn of Tennessee, who is KOSA’s co-author, even education on race discrimination was viewed as “dangerous to kids,” and this soon branches out to race, gender, and sexuality discrimination. This also extends out to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. The bill puts itself in the hands of State Attorney Generals in order for them to use tools of censorship against our rights and safety— not just for the youth, but for adults too, as we may face (giving an example,) hurdles trying to obtain things like legal documents.

How does KOSA work?

KOSA works by acting as a censor and self filter for the internet. By the hands of Attorney State Generals, they ultimately decide what is harmful to kids online. Though, this is a dual edged sword. This would also present the loss of access to information that a large sum of people may not deem dangerous. This again extends outward towards things like depression, substance abuse, etc— complex topics without a clear agreement on causes or solutions. This means that it could also filter, and possibly censor medical information, extending outward to trans medical care as well, which may lead on to silence the transgender community further. This is a very bad thing.

There would still be features like Age Verification, but it also filters legal speech. What I mean by “there will still be features,” to give an example, Tumblr has a tab in settings where you can add your birthday, which in turn verifies how old you are. Tiktok has this feature as well. About filtering legal speech, any kind of media or information that has to do with societal ills that is held on a platform, for example, Tumblr, will enable that platform to be held liable for holding that information. But… it may seem like I’m getting off topic, aren’t I?

So let’s swing back around…

KOSA has the ability to hurt creators on several different platforms. This gives the United States Government unlimited range of control over the internet.

This linktree has at least four different petitions open for you to take action against the bill, and to contact your congressmen and women. There’s also a discord server that’s dedicated to stopping KOSA from passing.

By doing this, you are spreading your voice. You are helping millions of people nationally— creators, artists, writers, everyone.

And finally, don’t just like this post. Reblog it— it helps it spread and gain exposure.

Let’s put an end to KOSA.

[enby-jellyfish]

I Am Venus God.

Arthur Shelby X GN!Reader (POC friendly)

Pronouns: You/yours

Summary: You meet Arthur at your lowest, now the time has come to see him at his.

Warnings: TW PSYCHOTIC EPISODE, TW PSYCHOSIS, religious themes, marital neglect, mentions of substance abuse (alcohol and unspecified drugs), cursing, period typical ignorance to mental health issues, possible OOC Tommy, angst

Word Count: 2108

A/N: Inspired by that one scene from Queen Charlotte :)

Aside from your new husband sneaking off to various pubs and working in an actual gang, your marriage has been going smoothly, even if how it came to be was anything but.

The marriage in question was arranged by his brother, the fearsome gang leader Tommy Shelby. Your father's bakery had been struggling a lot, so he did what any desperate working man in Small Heath does and went to the infamous Peaky Blinders for help. Surprisingly Tommy accepted your father's plea with the condition that you had to marry the eldest Shelby.

You were furious when you heard the news, understandably so. How dare they basically sell you to a man you've never seen, but whose reputation precedes him. You, like anyone who has not been living under a rock these past few years, have heard horrible stories about the Peaky Blinders. They are cheats, liars, and most importantly, murderers. And Arthur Shelby is said to be the cruellest of them all.

Your fiancé.

On the day of your wedding, you had tried to escape. Emphasis on 'tried', you had been caught before you could. By none other than your future husband himself. You had tried to convince him to help you escape, not knowing who he was, lamenting about the monster you thought your fiancé to be.

"I'm afraid i can't help you, love." He had stated.

"And why not?" You had questioned, exasperated by his quick refusal to help you, someone in clear need.

"Because I'm the monster you're supposed to be marrying right now." He had given you that awkward smile you will come to adore.

After that he had given you a choice, something his brother and your own father had refused you. You could choose your future now, and surprising no one more than yourself you said the words 'I do." a few moments later.

During your honeymoon you had gotten to know him better. You had eaten, drunk, slept, and danced together. But most importantly you had talked. He was not a man of many words and would stumble over his words anytime the conversation would go deeper than 'How did you sleep?'.

Despite this he tried. He confided in you about his youth, the war, his family, and his relationship with God. He spoke about how he used to not believe, and how that changed when he met a woman, Linda. She had shown him 'The way of The Lord', and helped him find comfort when he had none. Anytime you would try and ask what happened to her, he would get a weird look in his eyes and change the subject. Your current working theory is that she either left him or is dead. You don't want to think about the further implications of either of those options, considering the whole crime family situation and all, so you stopped asking.

Ignorance is bliss after all.

Said bliss came to an abrupt stop after the honeymoon though. Tommy had called his brother back to work and so you were left alone in the house. It is a nice house, by the countryside, beautifully decorated with all sorts of knick-knacks, and a big garden. Normally you wouldn't have minded being on your own, and you didn't at first. You had your books, your garden, and when he came back from work, you had your husband.

However the time he spent away got longer and longer with time, and when he was home he was... distant. Whatever Tommy made him do caused Arthur to slip away from you. He started spending more time with a bottle and other substances, you don't even want to know what they are, than with you. Sometimes you didn't see him for days, or even weeks at a time. It was heartbreaking, to see the man you had learned to like and even love so stressed. You had only just gained him, his trust, his love, and now you were losing him.

Tonight, you are awoken by strange noises from the other side of your bedroom. At first you assume it is Arthur, coming back home under the influence of God knows what, and you are indeed correct about it being Arthur, but when you sit up you immediately notice something is off about him.

Confused you watch as he scratches something into the wall using a palette knife, muttering incoherently to himself. You try calling his name. No response.

You try again, a bit louder this time. "Arthur, is that you?" He still doesn't respond so you get out of bed, wrapping your blanket around you and lighting the candle on your nightstand. You walk over to him, trying to understand his ramblings in the process, but you can't make sense of any of it.

"Arthur."

Suddenly he stops his repetitive muttering and scratching. He drops the palette knife and stumbles around to face you. It's like he's looking right through you. He starts walking towards the door, not sparing you another glance. Concerned you follow him.

He walks quickly and stiffly, continuing his muttering, you can vaguely make out the words 'Show yourself.'. It's like he is so sure of where he is going, yet unaware of anything around him. He moves out of your bedroom, down the stairs, through the living room and exits the house. You have to jog to keep up with him. The two of you are now in the garden.

"Arthur! It's cold. You're not wearing shoes." He is running now.

You hear him before you can catch up to him. "I see you! God, your angels. I see you!"

See who? What? And oh, oh. He is undressing now. The few clothes he was wearing are now flying through the air while he keeps shouting at the sky. "I see you! I see you! My Lord, my angel, I'm here. I'm here!"

You have never seen him like this. He has had outbursts before, sure, but they were out of anger, never this.

"I feel you, talk to me!" He exclaims, falling to the ground, pale knees turning black from the dirt.

"I knew you would come. I knew it." He stood again, reaching his hands up to the sky.

"Yes! They will see. I know. Yes!" It stunned you, seeing him like this. You think back to the times you've seen him drunk or high, but this behaviour doesn't match anything you've seen him on before.

"It is God. Do you see it?" Is he speaking to you? "Say hello! Hello, God!"

"Arthur." You finally will yourself to speak.

He gasps, looking back to the sky, but doesn't respond.

"Arthur."

"Arthur."

Finally he turns to face you. "It is God. Say hello."

"No. I am God. Right here. I am God." The words slip from your lips before you can stop them.

"You are God?" Now he is the stunned one. "Yes." Perhaps indulging whatever this is may be the best course of action for now.

He lets out a gasp, bringing his hands up to cover his mouth. "You are God?"

"Yes. And God is going inside. You need to come with me."

"All right. I thought..." Another gasp. "I thought you were in the sky." He looks back up, confused.'

"I was in the sky, but now I am going inside. Into our house."

"Here. Here." You wrap your blanket around him, feeling the goosebumps on his arms as you do so. "Come on." You gently lead him towards your house.

“God… is indoors.” He says it more like a question.

“God is indoors. With you. I am with you.” You affirm.

Once inside you sit your husband on the couch and tell him to stay there while you go and fill up the tub. He just nods, staring blankly ahead.

You adjust the blanket on his shoulders and move to put on the kettle. While waiting for the water to boil you pick up the phone and dial Tommy's number, that fucker has some explaining to do.

He picks up after the first ring, odd, considering it's the middle of the night, but you are not going to question it. “Get over here, it’s Arthur.” You hang up before he can get a word in.

You fill up the tub with the hot water, adding colder water so it won’t burn. You fetch Arthur and he allows you to move him into the tub. Gently you start scrubbing away all the dirt, sweat, and tears from his body. Gently running the sponge over his seemingly perpetually bruised knuckles. He is shaking, mouth moving without making a sound, staring into nothing.

When you finally manage to get Arthur clean and dressed his brother barges into your bedroom. Tommy quickly addresses you before starting to march over to his brother, who is now sitting on the bed.

"Tommy." You block his way. "What is this? What is happening?" He sighs out your name while rubbing his hand over his face. Like it is exhausting to even be in the same room as you. How fucking dare he.

"Thomas!"

You have never raised your voice at him before, you haven't dared. He looks at you, finally he looks at you. You don't think he has ever looked you in the eye before.

“What has happened to my husband?”

He sighs. “It’s just The Flanders Blues, he’ll get over it.” He says it in a way that, if you hadn’t seen what you had that night you would have believed him.

You laugh at him. “Don’t bullshit me Thomas, I’ve seen shellshock this,” you point at your husband, he hasn’t moved an inch. “, is not that.”

“He was talking to the sky, Tommy. I-” Your voice breaks and you have to give yourself a moment to take a breath. You will not cry now.

“Yeah, and what difference does it make, you wouldn’t have married him if you knew.”

“I didn’t want to marry him in the first place, the whole idea of this marriage was against my will.” You take a breath, trying to calm yourself. “But if I have to be married, if I have to leave my home, my family, my life, it can’t be for a man I don’t know!”

“You should be grateful; your family is well provided for, and you could be doing so much worse, so what if he is mad!” He moves his arms exasperatedly.

“I don’t care about his sanity, I care about his happiness, I care for his soul. Let him be mad, if mad is what he needs. We are done, get out of my house.”

He looks at you with an unreadable look on his face. “Take care of him.” With that he leaves. You watch him leave, a mix of confusion and relief washing over you.

You hear Tommy’s car leave and only then you release the breath you’ve been holding. Hearing movement behind you you turn around, seeing Arthur move from the bed to the ground, sliding himself under the bed.

“Arthur?” His odd behaviour makes you worried for another outburst.

“It’s quiet here.” You close your eyes and nod your head, accepting that this is what he needs right now.

You move towards the bed, kneeling to the ground. “Is there room for one more under there? I could use some quiet too.”

He doesn’t respond but hear shuffling sounds and take that as permission and get under the bed with him. He is right, it is quiet down here.

“This has been an… exciting night, hasn’t it?” You look over at him, he looks calmer now, like he is actually here. “…Are you feeling better now?”

He nods. “Thank you, I’m sorry you had to see that.” His voice sounds hoarse. You think back to his screaming before, he sounded so desperate. Desperate to be saved, to be seen.

You swallow the lump in your throat. It broke your heart, seeing him like that, him apologising is just the cherry on top. You slowly reach over and grasp his hand into yours

“Thank you.” You aren’t exactly sure what you are thanking him for. Not letting you escape your wedding perhaps? Because despite everything that happened tonight, you are grateful to have him with you, right here, right now, under your bed, hiding from a deity in the sky.

“I love you.” You bring your intertwined hands to your lips and kiss the back of his hand.

“I don’t deserve you.” A tear rolls down his face. You use your free hand to wipe it away, cupping his cheek.

“Have me anyway.”

Masterlist

Thank you for reading <3

[reesespeanutbutterfuck]

she says, “babe, you look so cool.”

(ren honjo x reader)

told tales about your confusing relationship with the trapnest's notorious calm demeanoured guitarist, ren honjo.

content warnings: mentions of sex, allusions to sex, black stones vocalist!reader, pregnancy, mention of reader having a panic attack, mention of ren’s substance abuse, smoking, reader with avoidant attachment, ren with abandonment issues, mutual obsessiveness, mutual possessiveness, toxic relationship, miscommunication, takumi is an asshole as always, spoilers for NANA

songs: robbers - the 1975, habits (stay high) - tove lo, bonnie & clyde - DEAN, casual - chappell roan, creep - radiohead, every girl gets their wish - saint avangeline

—

you cannot explain your relationship with ren honjo.

you'd say it's...

anything but ordinary.

even before he left for tokyo, he doesn’t toss you away after you have sex. like how he should.

you’d often wake up in the morning wearing one of his button ups or jackets that smell just like his musky cologne and seven stars cigarettes.

he clothed you so you won’t catch a cold.

even then, ren buys you a lot of gifts and lacy lingeries.

when he notices your eyes linger longer on a vivienne westwood necklace, the next day, it’s yours.

he gave you a cryptic necklace that spells venus.

he worships you like a goddess, hence, venus.

his venus.

you get the cigarette from his mouth and put it on yours. he gets it back and stubs it. he's always been like that. he stubs out his cigarettes whenever you’re with him so you don’t inhale the smoke, even if you smoke too.

in amidst of the chilling dawn, you wonder, why isn’t he dating anyone and seeing some other woman that doesn’t always run away from your feelings like you do?

you tell ren to fool around with other girls and enjoy his youth.

he still doesn’t anyway. 

he stays over at your house in the weekends and when he has to leave early he leaves you something to eat. with a note reminding you of the things he remembered in your schedule today that you told him the night before.

he cares about your well-being more than you do.

why?

why does he care so much?

everytime you have sex, your primary feeling, or so you think is always nothing but lust. desire. 

but ren… 

ren’s is love. 

why is he filled with this much love for you? 

why doesn’t he give up on you?

ren is always one call away.

remember that one night when you were having a panic attack and was breaking down?

with one dial on his number, he picks up.

after hearing one muffled sob from your line, because you couldn't form even a single word from weeping, he's dashing towards his car in the middle of a heavy rain with nothing but a shoulder for you to lean on.

you hate how he laughs it off whenever you insult him to stave him away from you. you don't really want to push him away, but your avoidant nature leads you to. he knows you don't mean it.

even when you saw him again after he moved to tokyo, his eyes always had a way of finding you amidst the crowd.

that night after trapnest's concert he found you backstage. everything was a blur after. you shouldn't even be here because seeing trapnest's ren honjo with black stones' [y/n] would make a lot of headlines and destroy his image, yet ren doesn't care.

why is he ready to risk everything just to keep you around?

everything happened quickly. how he pulled you to the side away where no one hears or sees, how you ended up in his house, how he hugged you for the first time after years.

“[y/n], i lo–” you cover his mouth.

“don't. don't say anything.”

he removed your hand from his mouth. “i love you.”

“i said don’t!”

“i get high just to keep my mind off you. you’re only one i want and desire. i love you. i’ve always had–” you cut him off with a kiss.

and then it so happens that one kiss turns into a passionate one, and leads to another, and another.

it was hard to stop.

he was addictive.

maybe the fact that he acts up on the way he wants you, added to the passionate warmth he ignites inside you. something no one has ever made you feel because everyday the universe reminds you you were always unwanted and that's all you'll ever be.

the following morning, you hear a soft moan from his lips while you were sitting on the corner of his bed and buttoning your clothes that were discarded on the floor last night, careful not to wake him up. when you were about to stand up, you felt ren’s hand tugging yours. he didn't say anything, he just held your hand.

“i'm sorry, did i wake you up?”

“stay…” there was something somber in ren's eyes.

“you know i can’t.”

so he lets go of your hand with a forlorn smile.

he expected it, and he understands. yet somehow, he still hopes… he hopes you would.

from there, everytime you leave in the morning after a long night of multiple rounds of sex, he hugs the sheets smittenly to pretend like you were still there. it still smells like you.

yasu and the others eventually found out you and ren were seeing each other like that again.

yasu knows way more than he shows. you know he does. he knows about ren's strong regard for you. you didn't. you pretended not to.

which is why you were shocked when nobu's tongue slips and he accidentally blathers, “ren wanted you for so long. it’s crazy. all of these years and yet still you’re the only one he wants and ever wanted. did you cast a love spell on him or something?”

you think about what nobu said a million times everyday.

so much that you wish you hadn't heard it.

you once stayed in ren's unit the morning after for the first time while he went out and answered the door on takumi while wearing one of ren’s white shirts and boxers. you called ren's phone to let him know his bandmate’s here. ren told you to stay there and he’ll be coming as fast as he can. he knows you and takumi do not get along.

takumi sat across you on ren’s couch. “so, what's your relationship with him?” came his condescending question. you can tell he was looking down on you.

what, indeed?

“what's it to you?” you answered with the same monotonous tone.

the truth is, you don't have any idea either.

months continued on with you and ren in that set-up. he's still the same calm and goofy ren you knew.

he still remembers every single thing about you. your scent, your favourite food, music, everything.

then ren came with the question you're most afraid of hearing.

“what… are we?”

ren batted an eye up at you while he was hugging your torso and sitting on the bed while you were straddling his lap.

you searched for an answer.

ren took the long silence and your visible uneasiness as the same answer he got from you over the years.

“i’m always up to take this in the long run. but it’s okay if you don’t want to.” as long as you're here, with me. he buried his face on your chest and you two forgot about it.

maybe takumi was right, you’re just using ren.

he’s okay with that.

this is so wrong.

how could he be that cruel to himself?

ren still reminds you to eat. some habits die hard, no?

whenever he eats with you, he even sanitizes your hands for you, with his own hands rubbing yours to spread the sanitizer.

“stop coddling.” you snatched your hand away from him.

ren chuckles, “okay, sorry.”

he keeps an eye on you in band practices. you tell him to stop distracting himself with your presence or you'll leave. he obliges, but he won’t hesitate to step in if some creep bothers you.

he's possessive of you even if he doesn't show it openly.

but somehow you’re so possessive of him too.

when you saw a girl touching his shoulders, you wanted to chop her hand off.

“i’ve been deprived of everything my whole life. now, even my ren?” ren overhears you talking to yourself. your ren, huh?

“i’m sorry, ren.” you pecked a kiss on his lips after you told him to date other girls after you got jealous. “will you forgive me?”

he pulls you into a hug, “it’s okay, i forgive you.” he kisses your cheek. “i never said i don’t love you anymore.” he kisses the side of your neck. “why are you giving me away, anyway? if you’re jealous, be jealous. tell me and i’ll do something about it. don’t give me away like that.” he kisses the side of your head.

such big words for someone who is afraid of communication himself, thought ren.

he’s subtly affectionate to you in public places like when he lays his head on your lap in standby backstage and one of the members of the management asks nobu if you’re dating in which nobu answers “it’s complicated.”

you always turn him down whenever he asks you to stay, but once, he said “i could never refuse you.” while patting your head and hugging you after when you asked him to stay the night.

you brushed his hair up and planted a kiss on his forehead.

i love you, ren.

three words you can’t say. 

rather, words you’re afraid to say.

ren was always very open with the idea of having a kid with you. but he wouldn’t force you to.

why does he want a future with you?

takumi dislikes you, obviously. you couldn't care less about him, anyway. you hate him with the same passion.

he tried to knock sense on ren one time. it didn't go as he planned.

“i see your woman’s quite a catch.” takumi puffs his cigarette.

“of course.” ren replied.

“but she's quite like a closeted harlot.”

he's wrong. you never had anyone else after ren.

ren's ears tingled and his eyes darkened upon hearing what takumi said. “are you insulting her?”

“don’t get me wrong. the way i see it, she doesn’t seem emotionally involved with you. it seems to me that you’re the only one who is in your relationship, whatever you two are. if i know, i’d say she only wants sex and not love. you’re okay with that?” takumi chuckles.

ren raises his head. “so be it. i couldn’t care less.” if that’s what it takes to keep you around him.

“i’m just warning you, dude.” takumi raises both his hands in a defensive manner. “women like that, they're for the streets–”

ren, for once lost his calm demeanour and threw a glass at the nearest wall. the loud sound of the glass shattering startled everyone around them. even reira who was recording a demo of one of their tracks.

ren had his fists clenched after the burst of anger he let out and takumi was taken aback by the unexpected behavior of his usually composed bandmate.

“i don’t want to hear you talk about her ever again.” he coldly turned his back on his bandmate.

ren rarely gets mad. but when it's about you...

you don’t even get into fights often because ren stays out of drama and he avoids confrontations. which is why he's prone to keeping his emotions to himself instead of expressing them. he's very non-confrontational.

his desire to take your relationship to the next step was strong, but the desire to keep you around him was stronger. he knows he’ll drive you away if he mentions about tying the knot in a serious talk.

he likes using any products with your signature scent. it makes him feel like you’re there with him everywhere he goes.

“ren, you smell like white wine and strawberries, just like a girl!” was what reira told him upon stepping inside the room while sniffing him. “it leaves a scent trail. it smells familiar. what perfume are you using?”

ren turned to her, “it's [y/n]’s shower gel.”

“[y/n]? from black stones? woah, you stay at her place?” naoki stood up from his seat. ren entertained their questions for a little while.

it goes the same for you too in band practices too.

“is that ren’s perfume on you?” nobu speaks from behind you, smelling the familiar scent of his friend on you.

“no.”

“but…” nobu scans your figure. “oh. it’s because you’re wearing his shirt.”

you didn’t even smell how the shirt smelled like ren. it’s just your nostrils got so used to his scent that it didn’t even register to you how you didn’t smell like yourself.

“ren.”

“hm?”

and then you embrace him and suddenly, you’re reminded how strong your feelings are for ren honjo.

he stares at your face longer than he should in the morning when he wakes up first and you’re sleeping soundly next to him.

you’re beautiful. like you came straight out of a magazine.

if you were to be put beside supermodels, you’d outshine everyone. ren revels at the thought. if your face were to be featured in a magazine, he’ll frame it and keep it forever.

ren mutes all phone calls when he’s sleeping with you. but when he goes on tour, his mind is there back at home with you.

“i didn’t know booty calls worry what the other person eats. is that how people do it nowadays? so modernized, truly shocking.” came takumi’s remark while talking to reira and naoki out of ren's earshot.

“that’s so mean, takumi. leave him alone.” reira interjected, having flashbacks of when he offended ren when he was talking to him about you. her eyes were also on ren who's on the phone with you.

you'll always come back to him, he’ll always be waiting for you to go to his arms. you two are hopeless.

more time passed and you're finally decided to take a step forward, which ren was only waiting for you to initiate.

one snowy night while you and ren were sharing each other's heat, you hovered on top of him.

ren stops you. “wait,”

“do you not want to?” you were prepared to get off him in case he doesn't want to do it, but he held you in place.

“it’s not like that. it’s just…” he trailed, “i do want a family with you more than anything. but if you’re off the pill right now then…”

“so what?”

“i don’t want you to get pregnant if you don’t want to. what i say doesn’t matter. decide for yourself.”

“i want your child, inside me, ren.”

he was about to tell you to think it through again, but you put his hand on your hip.

“let's start a family.”

and once again, he can never deny you of anything.

after weeks, you didn't take the news well about hachi and that asshole, takumi.

“one of these days, i’ll snatch hachi back from you.” you told him.

“are you in love with my fiancèe even after everything, [y/n]? i pity ren for being ardent with his love for you. dump him if you can’t love him back like that. he doesn’t deserve your half-assed love.” takumi smirks, enjoying how riled up he makes you while relaying the news.

you thought you were just crazy when you gone through a deep state of grief after that conversation.

but you found out another cause were your hormones.

you're pregnant.

when you told ren you were pregnant, he reacted to the news calmly yet he was ecstatic. he's been waiting for this moment with you all along.

you chose not to tell ren about the conversation you had with takumi about hachi only a few days ago that put you in distress. you know he'd do something about it, and that'll cause more problems for him.

nothing much changed for the first few weeks, you continued on with your gigs while your belly wasn't showing yet and you can still move around normally.

ren stopped his substance abuse when he learned he'll be stepping into fatherhood.

yasu always keeps a close eye on you especially whenever ren is not around, even without ren's instructions. he's always there to aid you whenever you need something, which rarely ever happens because your pride doesn't let you ask for help from anyone. yasu still insists, anyway.

nobu speaks to your not-so-showing yet belly under your edgy peplum top and tells your kid to not grow like his or her mom, you, all gloom and grumpy. he earns a smack on his head in return. he's still in a state of grief after how his relationship with hachi ended up, but he's happy to be a soon-to-be-uncle to your child.

shin follows you everywhere like a puppy. he accompanies you to your walk to you and ren's shared unit and he stays over whenever he wants to. sometimes falling asleep comfortably on your lap while you watch light-hearted movies on the tv.

when you started showing, you took a break from the band for a few months but you didn't disclose your pregnancy to the media, announcing that it's only a hiatus.

when your belly started to get bigger, your clothes fit small to you, which is why to maximize their use, you let shin have his way with your closet. you had somehow similar versatile fashion styles, anyway. because of his small frame, almost everything in your wardrobe fits him. you told him to grab whatever he wants to borrow from your closet.

ren is there every step of the way. he buys you a lot of food. whatever you need, he'll go through hell to get.

he'd give his trapnest career up if ever he gets put in a situation where he has to choose.

when you gave birth, everyone visited. everyone... but hachi.

you try not to think about her anymore, but you still wonder about her whereabouts. you told ren and the others to stop talking about her in front of you when you were pregnant so it became a sensitive topic for everyone to talk about. and besides, you know another factor is also because takumi locks her away.

you only overheard from yasu that hachi gave birth to her child with takumi too, a few months before you gave birth to venus.

ren used to call you his venus.

your daughter’s name is venus.

venus honjo.

it's a pretty name the both of you agreed on giving such a pretty girl like your daughter.

you always opt to eat healthy while breastfeeding.

ren is a good father to venus.

she's more close to her father, that's why her first word was “dada”.

he gave your daughter everything the both of you never had.

and you protected your daughter from the things no one protected you from when you were younger.

you were extra gentle with her because you too, were a little girl once.

ren got deja vu when he was coddling venus and she snatched her arm from him.

“i kept praying she wouldn’t take after you. i guess her mama’s genes are stronger as expected.” ren laughed after what just happened. the engagement ring on his finger shining under the morning sunlight made you look at yours.

you ended up with him after everything.

and yet the words to describe your relationship with ren honjo are still nowhere to be found.

'she’s an angel.

a goddess,

my goddess.

like venus.

a beauty.'

***

© reesespeanutbutterfuck 2024, don't forget to support your creators by reblogging !

[bdsmrist]

i know the game goes in detail about joyce’s pearly white teeth, but what about the other character’s teeth?

harry’s teeth would be surprisingly straight, but yellowed from the years of substance abuse. probably has worn down gums, too. still, i think it adds to his character. its like he has a golden smile, in a way. and funnily enough, altho hes been aware of his teeth’s condition throughout the years, that’s never stopped him from smiling. not just because of “the expression” necessarily, but because he loves giving that to ppl. loves letting them know his happiness is directed at them

kim’s teeth would be crowded. especially the bottom row. its unlikely he could afford dental care in his youth with being in the foster care system and all. and he’s probably a little insecure about it. but the few times he flashes you a smile, you can see the how one if his canines pushes the incisor in, and its the most charming thing ever; how his sharp tooth pokes out to say hello. god, i bet he has the warmest smile ever, even warmer than harry’s. it comes sparingly, and he avoids doing it, but when he does, its like god’s gift to you

jean’s teeth seem pretty normal at first glance. u dont get to see em much; he doesnt rly smile that often. nothin to smile abt in this world. however, when he *does* smile, u notice one of his premolars are missing (harry probably noticed it pretty quickly) but if u were to ask him how and why that is, its probably the most anticlimactic thing ever. not “i got my teeth knocked out on a mission once” but rather “i ate shit once middle school and thats that”

im pretty sure it’s canon that ruby has a gap tooth, which is hot and does get her bitches. but i think she just has small teeth in general, with the exception of her two front teeth. like the kind that in retrospect kinda look like shark teeth. its so cool. and also shes a side-smiler, a smirker, if you will. too powerful for this world.

idk man, i feel like teeth are often times an indicator of peoples socio-economical background that isnt talked about enough (hence, joyce’s teeth being something harry notes first hand). but i dont think we’re meant to have “perfect” teeth. teeth have stories, and hold records of our lives. and with how nuanced every single character of the disco-verse is, i dont doubt everyones smile says something unique about them.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Madison Pauly and Henry Carnell at Mother Jones:

The conversion therapists met last November at the south end of the Las Vegas Strip. Behind the closed doors and drawn blinds of a Hampton Inn conference room, a middle-aged woman wearing white stockings and a Virgin Mary blue dress issued a call to arms to the 20-some people in attendance. “In our current culture, in which children are being indoctrinated with transgender belief from the moment they’re out of the womb, if we are confronted with a gender-confused child, you must help,” declared Michelle Cretella, a board member of the Alliance for Therapeutic Choice and Scientific Integrity. “We must do something.” Cretella was delivering a keynote speech at the first in-person conference in four years of the Alliance, which describes itself as a “professional and scientific organization” with “Judeo-Christian values.” Its purpose: to defend and promote the practice of conversion therapy by licensed counselors.

Not that they’d call what they do “conversion therapy.” That term lacks a precise definition, but it is used colloquially to describe attempts to shift a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. In the 1960s, some psychologists tried to make gay men straight by pairing aversive stimuli, like electric shocks or chemically induced nausea, with images of gay porn—techniques that ran the risk of causing serious psychological damage even as they failed to change participants’ sexual orientation, researchers eventually concluded. Today, “conversion therapy” generally takes the form of verbal counseling. Participants are typically conservative Christians who engage voluntarily—motivated by internalized stigma, family pressure, and the belief that their feelings are incompatible with their faith. Others are children, brought into therapy by their parents.

The American Psychological Association (APA) has concluded that conversion therapy lacks “sufficient bases in scientific principles” and that people who have undergone it are “significantly more likely to experience suicidality and depression.” Similarly, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), part of the Department of Health and Human Services, published a report concluding that “none of the existing research supports the premise that mental or behavioral health interventions can alter gender identity or sexual orientation. Interventions aimed at a fixed outcome, such as gender conformity or heterosexual orientation…are coercive, can be harmful, and should not be part of behavioral health treatment.”

Accordingly, the Alliance and the ideas it promotes have been relegated to the scientific and political fringes. In the 2010s, as acceptance of gay rights grew rapidly, 18 states and dozens of local governments passed laws forbidding mental health professionals from attempting conversion therapy on minors. Yet by 2020, a new front had opened in the war against LGBTQ people. Republican state legislatures started passing laws targeting transgender and nonbinary children at school—restricting their access to bathrooms, barring them from participating in sports, and stopping educators from teaching about sexual orientation or gender identity. The most intense attacks have banned doctors from providing the treatments for gender dysphoria backed by all major US medical associations. Nearly 114,000 trans youth live in states where access to puberty blockers and hormone therapy has been wiped out.

Last year, I received leaked emails illustrating how these laws are crafted and pushed by a network of anti-trans activists and powerful Christian-right organizations. The Alliance is deeply enmeshed in this constellation of actors. Although small, with an annual budget of under $200,000, it provides both unsubstantiated arguments suggesting LGBTQ identities are changeable and a network of licensed counselors to lend their credibility to these efforts. Among the collaborators were David Pickup, the Alliance’s president-elect; Laura Haynes, an Alliance advocate; and Cretella, the former executive director of an anti-trans pediatrics group who described gender-affirming medical care at the Las Vegas conference as “evil” and part of a “New World Order.” (“I’m not a conspiracy theorist,” she assured attendees. “I’m just someone who has been in the battle of the culture of life versus the culture of death long enough to see the big picture.”) All three have testified before state legislatures against gender-affirming care. When a US senator introduced a pair of bills to restrict trans youth health care in 2021, his press release quoted Cretella calling gender-affirming treatments “eugenics.”

[...]

If the Las Vegas conference made one thing clear, it’s that conversion therapy is alive and well, even in places where it’s been banned. One counselor told me he makes it a habit not to document his treatment plans in writing to avoid getting in trouble and simply treats “family dynamics” in states with conversion therapy bans. In a 2015 survey of more than 27,000 trans adults, nearly 1 in 7 said that a professional, such as a therapist, doctor, or religious adviser, had tried to make them not transgender; about half of respondents said they were minors at the time. By applying this rate to population estimates, the Williams Institute at UCLA projects that more than 135,000 trans adults nationwide have experienced some form of conversion therapy.

Despite the data, lawmakers frequently don’t believe that conversion therapy is still happening in their community, says Casey Pick, director of law and policy at the Trevor Project, the LGBTQ suicide prevention group. “We’re constantly running up against this misconception that this is an artifact of the past,” she says. So, five years ago, the Trevor Project began scouring psychologists’ websites and books, records of public testimony, and known conversion therapy referral services, looking for counselors who said they could alter someone’s gender identity or sexual orientation. As the research stretched on, Pick noticed webpages being revised to reflect changing times. “We saw many folks who seemed to leave the industry entirely,” she says. “But others changed their website, changed their keywords, [from] talking about creating ex-gays to talking about ex-trans.” Last December, Pick’s team published their report documenting active conversion therapists. They found more than 600 were licensed health care professionals and an additional 716 were clergy, lay ministers, or other unlicensed religious counselors.

According to Pick, some conversion therapists have embraced a new label for what they do: “gender exploratory therapy.” It’s a term that Cretella used to describe the approach she recommended, and unlike the other euphemisms thrown around at the conference, this has gained traction. In 2021, a group of therapists, who ranged from conflicted about medical interventions for kids with gender dysphoria to skeptical of the very concept of transgender identity, formed the Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA) to promote an approach they characterize as neither conversion nor affirmation.

Some current and former leaders of the group, which claims a membership of 300 mental health providers, have been involved in influential organizations lobbying against gender-affirming care across the world, such as the Ireland-based Genspect and the Society for Evidence-Based Gender Medicine, a nonprofit registered in Idaho. They’ve notched some big wins: In November 2023, the UK Council for Psychotherapy—the nation’s top professional association—declared that it was fine for counselors to take GETA’s “exploratory” approach to gender. This April, a long-awaited review of gender-related care for youth in England’s National Health Service endorsed exploratory therapy, according to Alex Keuroghlian, an associate psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School. And in the United States, in cases in which families of trans children have sued states for banning gender-affirming care, the state often calls expert witnesses who endorse “exploratory” psychotherapy as their preferred alternative treatment.

After all, the idea of “exploring” one’s gender identity sounds benign. The World Professional Association for Transgender Health, which issues guidelines on gender-­affirming treatment, recommends that clinicians working with teens “facilitate the exploration and expression of gender openly and respectfully so that no one particular identity is favored.” Yet, as with mindfulness, “that term has now been hijacked by folks on the other side,” says Judith Glassgold, a clinical psychologist who chaired the APA task force that in 2009 documented the lack of science behind conversion therapy.

GETA’s guidelines instruct therapists to dig deep into “the entire landscape of the young person’s life and subjective experience,” probing all possible reasons they might identify as transgender. The catch, says Glassgold, is that “exploration” means “trying to find negative reasons why someone’s diverse.” Last year, SAMHSA issued a report saying that “approaches that discourage youth from identifying as transgender or gender-diverse, and/or from expressing their gender identity” are sometimes “misleadingly referred to as ‘exploratory therapy.’” These approaches are “harmful and never appropriate,” the report concluded.

Mother Jones has a detailed report on a new form of the medically discredited practice known as conversion therapy called gender exploratory therapy. Gender exploratory therapy is the practice of making a person revert to their gender assigned at birth, which is essentially forced detransition by another name.

Read the full story at Mother Jones.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

I’ve been thinking about season four Ian for awhile now, and doing a halfhearted rewatch while I do my chores. And idk why this never clicked for me before, but Ian’s anger in season 8 over the shelter? He was probably also angry because not long enough ago he was one of those kids, and could have used a place like that when he was struggling.

oh i’ve been thinking this for so long and i’m so glad you said it.

i know that season 8 ian is overall pretty disliked in this fandom and i’ve seen him labeled as “out of character” but for this reason (and the fact that he was literally manic) i truly believe it made sense.

the kid he blew up the van for was not only gay, but mentally ill. maybe not bipolar, but he had something like it that made his parents want to send him somewhere for it. i think that’s what really got ian. because yes, in season 4, ian was homeless, starving, on drugs, and prostituting himself to men, but he was also unknowingly bipolar and he had a lot of resentment for how everybody acted when he was in eventually diagnosed. obviously, he needed help, but things like insisting he goes to the hospital and labeling him as “crazy” when he was arrested by the mp’s hurt him a lot.

so, he sees this struggling queer kid who is about to go through the same things he did, and he tries to stop it.

and not even just that kid, this also includes geneva and many of the others. they don’t have homes and some are on drugs or just in very bad situations, and so was ian just a few years before.

also, slightly off topic, but i think this is also why people were so appalled when trevor said “move on” to him in season 7. i mean, ian was being a dick too, of course, but trevor should have known better. he works with at-risk youth. queer kids, abused kids, neglected kids, kids with substance abuse issues, mentally ill kids, etc. ian is all of what i just listed, and despite his passion for his job, trevor immediately sides with monica as if she isn’t just like so many of the kids he works with’s mothers.

[elisiassideb1tch]

⟡ Elisia Brown/Enid Rhee Playlist ⟡

So, this is a mixture of different genres of music that remind me of my fav girlies Elisia and Enid !! And songs that I feel suit them well, or that they'd listen n' vibe to! They both have quite a bit in common imo. (not to mention they're both isfp's with trauma and trust issues-)

Also I'd like to add a TW. Quite a few of these songs are depressing (very much s1 Elisia) and contain topics such as substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders, etc. My dms are always open if anyone wants to vent/rant/or just talk :). I love y'all, and I'm proud of you!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy !! 🫶🏻💖

(Also, here is My Masterlist, which is still being edited and updated. It's a wip!!) °♡✧⋆

~｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ~

₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. 0₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Bea Miller - Feel Something

Cavetown - Sharpener

Beabadoobee - Tired

Slayyyter - Clouds

mxmtoon - fever dream

Billie Eilish - What Was I Made For?

Billie Eilish - TV

Billie Eilish - Bellyache

Nessa Barrett - Die First

Doja Cat - 4 Morant

Mars Argo - Runaway Runaway

Alex G (ft. Emily Yacina) - Treehouse

The Cardigans - Step On Me

Conan Gray - Comfort Crowd

Conan Gray - Little League

AURORA - Runaway

The Smashing Pumpkins - Today

Peirce The Veil - A Match Into Water

Pierce The Veil - Bulletproof Love

Foo Fighters - Everlong

Against The Current - Weapon

Linkin Park - What I've Done

Alex G - Pretend

Awfultune - redesign

Mother Mother - Arms Tonight

Mother Mother - Burning Pile

Mother Mother - Alone And Sublime

Mother Mother - Oh Ana

Frances Forever - Paranoia Party

Olivia Rodrigo - Jealousy, Jealousy

Olivia Rodrigo - Making The Bed

Olivia Rodrigo - Pretty Isn't Pretty

Olivia Rodrigo - Ballad Of A Homeschooled Girl

Olivia Rodrigo - Love Is Embarrassing

Cults - Gilded Lily

Cults - Always Forever

ROAR - I Can't Handle Change

ROAR - Christmas Kids

t.A.T.u. - All The Things She Said

Pixies - Where Is My Mind

Pixies - All I Think About Now

GIRLI - I Don’t Like Myself

GIRLI - Dysmorphia

Halsey - Gasoline

Halsey - Control

Ethel Cain - Ptolemaea

Jon Bellion - All Time Low

Princess Chelsea - The Cigarette Duet

Steve Lacy - Dark Red

girl in red - Serotonin

M.I.A - Bad Girls

Rebzyyx - Painforever

Maejor (ft. Keri Hilson) - Gamez

Twenty One Pilots - Chlorine

Twenty One Pilots - Screen

Twenty One Pilots - Car Radio

Mitski - A Pearl

Mitski - Francis Forever

Mitski - Why Didn't You Stop Me?

Mitski - Burning Hill

Mitski - Drink Walk Home

Mitski - Washing Machine Heart

Mitski - Nobody

Madison Beer - Spinnin'

Madison Beer - Dear Society

Madison Beer - Stay Numb And Carry On

Madison Beer - Effortlessly

Maggie Lindemann - Self Sabotage

Maggie Lindemann - Take Me Nowhere

Maggie Lindemann - Novocaine

Maggie Lindemann - Girl Next Door

Maggie Lindemann - Would I

Maggie Lindemann - Loner

Maggie Lindemann - Knife Under My Pillow

Maggie Lindemann - Different

Melanie Martinez - Mrs. Potato Head

Melanie Martinez - Soap

Melanie Martinez - Orange Juice

The Neighbourhood - The Beach

The Neighbourhood - Middle of Somewhere

The Neighbourhood - R.I.P. 2 My Youth

The Neighbourhood - Softcore

Paramore - Tell Me It's Okay

Paramore - All I Wanted Was You

Paramore - Thick Skull

Paramore - Decode

Paramore - Ignorance

Paramore - crushcrushcrush

Slipknot - Custer

Slipknot - Duality

Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Nirvana - Stay Away

Nirvana - Drain You

Nirvana - Lithium

Nirvana - Heart-Shaped Box

Nirvana - Dumb

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

Three Days Grace - Painkiller

Three Days Grace - So Called Life

My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay

Taylor Swift - You're On Your Own, Kid

Taylor Swift - This Is Me Trying

Taylor Swift - Seven

Taylor Swift - August

Taylor Swift - Cardigan

Taylor Swift - Lover

Taylor Swift - Paper Rings

Taylor Swift - New Romantics

Taylor Swift - How You Get The Girl

Taylor Swift - 22

Taylor Swift - Red

Taylor Swift - The Lucky One

Taylor Swift - Love Story

Taylor Swift - Timeless

Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do

Lana Del Rey - Dark Paradise

Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness

Lana Del Rey - Cruel World

Lana Del Rey - Is This Happiness

Lana Del Rey - Flipside

Lana Del Rey - Happiness Is A Butterfly

Lana Del Rey - Get Free

Lana Del Rey - Heroin

Lana Del Rey - High By The Beach

Green Day - Brain Stew

Green Day - Give Me Novacaine / She’s a Rebel

Green Day - Still Breathing

Green Day - She

Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Green Day - Lazy Bones

Deftones - Bored

Deftones - Hole In The Earth

Deftones - Minerva

Deftones - Beware

Deftones - Change (In The House Of Flies)

(Literally any Deftones songs. Especially off the albums Saturday Night Wrist, Around The Fur, and Adrenaline imo !! I feel Elisia would especially love and listen to Deftones, Slipknot, Pierce The Veil, and My Chemical Romance too!)

Now, here's some of my fav wlw songs that remind me of Elisia and Enid ! -`♡´-

girl in red - we fell in love in october

girl in red - October Passed Me By

girl in red - girls

girl in red - i wanna be your girlfriend

Beabadoobee and girl in red - eleanor & park

FLETCHER - girls girls girls

FLETCHER - Becky's So Hot

FLETCHER - Her Body Is Bible

FLETCHER - Suckerpunch

GIRLI - More Than a Friend

Maggie Lindemann - Love Songs

Maggie Lindemann - She Knows It

Clairo - Sofia

Dove Cameron - Boyfriend

Frances Forever - Space Girl

Clara - Girl Like You

Sarah Barrios - Thank God You Introduced Me To Your Sister

Pomplamoose - Oh, Pretty Woman

Studio Killers - Jenny

Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl

@enid-rhees <3 @ofcutsandoffire <3, thx for helping me out w/ this! Love y'all 🫶🏻

If anyone actually listens to these songs, beware, it's very much an emotional rollercoaster- it's a wild mix of depressing songs and upbeat songs, and everything in between lol. Also, most of these are Elisia coded, so yea :⁠')

I still feel like there's more songs I could add to this list, but can't think of them atm. So whenever I find a new song, I'll update the playlist!

Divider credits: @cafekitsune

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ random punch out headcanons (depressing edition) ☆

here it comes

(tw for: drug use, mentions of abuse, death)

- bald bull loves his mom a lot, she was there when no one else was, she was with him through thick & thin, the first thing he did when he was under a lot of stress or overwhelmed was to call her and visit her, when she passed away it hit him hard & he considered just locking himself in his house and giving up since he had no one to hold onto, he couldnt sleep for days and lost appetite

- Glass Joe has considered taking steroids and other "substances" to help him, there was a moment during his golden years where he actually took said substances and steroids, he had to stop because his organs werent taking it well and he wanted to live, he volunteers at rehab to help others like him

- the reason bear hugger is so connected to animals is he had many pets of his mauled, lost or killed by the wildlife around him & reckless family members he loved too much to argue with, he does his best not to get attached to unattended animals out in the wild because he knows they'll just be gone one day and he cant change it

- the reason Don Flamenco dislikes Mac is he sees himself when he looks at him, he feels bitter about wasting his youth trying to please others instead of doing what he wanted to do from the start, he hates seeing Mac not go through that since he just thinks everyone needs to go through that to be "a proper fighter"

- Mac doesnt know the fact that his birth parents are dead, he just assumes they gave him away because they werent ready, hes constantly trying to get in contact with them,Doc refuses to tell him the truth since it would pretty much break him, anytime Mac mentions his birth parents Doc's heart sinks, thinking he finally learned the truth about them

- piston hondo doesnt know how to show affection since he grew up with his grandparents is because they were old-fashioned and didnt really believe in mutual respect, hes still trying to unlearn what they taught him and practices expressions in the mirror to not seem emotionless

- Aran has really bad hygiene thanks to him having neglectful parents, they didnt bother to teach him proper hygiene & care, he didnt know how to shower until he was in 5th grade, thanks to that + his mom insisting on that name, he was bullied recklessly, he wanted it to stop so he started to act like that and the habit stuck since its his defense mechanism

- great tiger learned how to clone himself to feel less lonely since he was a only child and his parents didnt really teach him how to make friends, he started to study magic at a young age to impress people & make friends, he eventually grew past the need for others and just started hanging out with him, himself and great tiger, he got praised for being self sufficient when he just gave up on making friends and accepted being alone

[btssmutficslovingfan01]

Day 6: Frottage | Nights in Seoul

Pairing: Jimin x Male!Reader

Genre: Smut, duh.

Words: 874

🎃 Kinktober 2023 Master List! 🎃

⇤ Prev | Next ⇥

__________________________

Getting high with Jimin Park wasn’t on your list of responsibilities. You hadn’t even planned on going out tonight but within two hours, your friends had dragged you our to the clubs. Namjoon and Yoongi were preoccupied by the women, once again forgetting that you were definitely not interested. You decided to drown yourself in alcohol.

Point blank, that did not work. You sighed and placed some money on the counter before standing up. Namjoon had decided to take a woman home and Yoongi offered you an e-cig. You took it graciously, exhausted from work and just looking to destress. Your office job was not it. It just let you afford a nice place. 

As you felt it hit you, you looked over to see an angel on the dance floor. A man who looked like he could either ruin your life or absolutely mend it. You wanted—no you needed him. It was as if he read your thoughts, staring at you with entrancing eyes. He gestured to you to move towards him, as Yoongi noticed and cheered you on, pushing you forward first.

“Go!” He smirked and sat back, watching you as you made your way towards the attractive stranger.

You met at the middle of the dance floor, dancing like degenerates, the crowd parted a bit as you seemed to shift towards a partner dance, and you were both good, he was excellent, but you were decent. Because of that, he lead you and you executed the movements like clockwork. He was truly majestic out there.

It took you a few hours to realize who he was. Once you were high you didn’t care he was pop icon Jimin Park, one of the highest ranked singers in the country. He offered you something better. Some good shit imported from Africa. You took a hit of the blunt, the ends crusting off as if it represented your body shriveling up, inching closer to death the more substances you abused tonight.

Yoongi was there too for a bit, but he left with another stoner to go somewhere more private. You sighed and wished him well but stayed beside Jimin.

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t famous,” He spoke freely, his eyes glassy and red. “If I wasn’t famous, I could do shit like this all the time.” He was a hard-ass. Unlike his angelic and youthful appearance, he was nothing like the poster boy you saw throughout the city.

“I feel ya,” You reply curtly. “I wish I could quit my job and do something completely different.” 

“Really? Don’t we all,” Jimin smirked. “I like ya.” You didn’t have time to react as he pulled you in towards him for a quick kiss. You kissed back of course, closing your eyes in the process, but you were surprised that he wanted to kiss you out of everyone.

“Thanks.” You reply.

“So polite,” Jimin gave you a cheeky smile. “Wanna do something fun?” You raised a brow at his suggestion.

“Like?”

“Hear me out…but I really wanna…” Jimin held his crotch. Those leather pants did not look too comfy.

“O-oh…yeah, I suppose it’s okay. It’s just us guys.” You scratched your head. You’ve never acted on any of your impulses before but being this crossfaded with a sexy attractive celebrity like Jimin, you couldn’t help it.

You didn’t stop him from going further either, it seemed he wanted to jerk off. You gaze at his cock. It was pretty and pink. Exactly how you imagined it, actually. You felt yourself growing hard from watching him.

“Need some help?” Jimin asked, panting between thrusting himself into his palms and looking at you with need.

“Y-yeah, actually.”

You gasped as he slowly slipped your cock out of your pants and slowly started rubbing it. He slips his hands over the surface of your length, rubbing the shaft a few times and watching the precum leak out before slowly running his fingers past his cock. Then he brought his cock down on yours.

The feeling was indescribable. You felt incredible. Jimin’s cock was against yours, he grinded his body forward, your cocks creating friction and his dick hard from all the play. Yours was too. You liked this, Jimin’s hand acted as a makeshift pocket pussy, and when you felt your cock twitching, you knew you were close.

“O-oh! Jimin!”

“You coming, baby?” He asked, just as you spurted. “Cute.” He smirked at you before getting on his knees and licking the excess cum off your dick directly.

“Ah…” You groaned as his head bobbed back and forth.

Your fingers ran through his silver hair as you pushed his hair out of his eyes and watched him. He was really fucking you on this rooftop, where anyone could walk in (or rather out) on you at any given time. That just turned you on more.

“Mmmm..” Jimin hummed, the vibrations of his lips sending waves of pleasure through your body.

“I’m gonna cum..” You groaned, thrusting into his mouth heavily, chasing after the orgasm.

“Do it then. Right in my mouth.” He opened his mouth wide….and caught your sperm. Streaks of white painted his beautiful face perfectly. And he was more than happy to make more of your cum.

[mayariviolet]

🍉 and!! 🌿

tehee… ty for the ask EB I love talking about my writing :3

🍉 favourite wip

I have sooooo many WIPs right now it’s actually an epidemic. However, the one outside of my main one (which I’m re outlining…) is my hot priest!gojo fic🫣. It’s my first time dabbling in smut, and I’m nervous about executing the reader and Gojo’s story because I care about them and their dynamic so so so much🥺. Also, reading the fic compared to my previous writing I can see a clear difference in the quality of my writing. I’ll include a snippet underneath the cut!

🌿 who is your favourite character you've ever written?

TW// mentions of substance abuse.

Ah! So hard! Out of the fics I’ve published: Suna in From the Start. Looking back, I think I could’ve been more concise and written more subtext for his struggles and character arc. Or, written it in two parts. His struggle with substance abuse / weed addiction is something that I drew a lot out of my own experiences. So, it’s very near and dear to me. Suna was always a character that would get a redemption arc in my heart, but I was scared that he would be irredeemable 😔.

hot priest!gojo x reader snippet below 👇🏼

“It must be lonely. Living in this giant church by yourself,” you hum. Satoru glances up at you making brief eye contact. He purses his lips and clears his throat before taking in the rest of his surroundings.

The film of dust which coats several paintings waiting to be hung seems to be more apparent than ever. You can’t help but notice the piles of paperwork that cover a console table right next to the dingy computer. There’s also an old radio that assumingely was once a stark white. The radio is now more of an eggshell colour, you didn’t pick up on the crackling music playing until now.

Satoru finally draws his attention towards you and let’s out a small exhale,“Kento stops by sometimes to help with Youth Ministry. It’s not too bad. I find it relaxing, the quiet. Considering how we-”

“Grew up? Yeah, I can imagine why you would want to stay away from all of the noise.”

“You look beautiful by the way.”

[finn-brooks]

Full Name: Finnley Thomas Brooks

Nicknames: Finn, Finnster

Pronouns and Gender: He/Him, Cis Male

Age and Birthday: 31 years old, February 13th

Birth place: Arkansas, grew up in Salem, Massachusetts

Sexuality: Demiromantic Heterosexual

Status: Currently emotionally preoccupied

Occupation: New-hire at Tidal Wave Music Shop/Part-time college student

Education: BFA in Photography is in progress 

Residence: Ocean Crest Apartments

Time in Aurora Bay: 1+ years

Family: Thomas Brooks, Lilian Rose, Chloe Brooks (deceased)

Face claim: Devon Bostick

tw substance abuse, mental health issues, chronic illness, child abandonment, infidelity

HISTORY —

Finnley cannot say the childhood he had was a difficult one. It could have been easier, but for the most part it wasn’t terribly difficult. It is what he tells himself when he thinks about the golden grasses of Kansas, his father’s protective love, and the teen sister he lost when he was just six years old. He hardly remembers it, anyway. Just that his suit was too itchy and hot, and how his mother scolded him for getting his snot and tears all over it. 

And the arguments all sounded like television static in his memories - he even barely recalls sitting at the top of the staircase to listen to the very last time his mother dropped him at his dad’s house for the weekend. What remained a vivid memory was the one of his mother who abandoned them in the endless pursuit of a high to numb the pain of loss with a man that little Finnley never would have called even ‘step-dad’. 

By his eighth birthday his father scooped him up and relocated to Salem, Massachusetts, moving in with family residing in the outskirts of the New England tourist trap. The custody battle was an easy one to win, so all connections with his mother ceased to exist instantly. With the agreement to not have visitations came the loss of child support, but his father’s side of the family helped with financial struggles. Though his father never kept any letters she sent from him, Finn buried the unopened envelopes in an old chest under his bed. His youth did not mean he was blind to the error in her ways, and he held onto a grudge throughout his life for the woman who destroyed his father’s heart. 

Once Finn hit his teen years, the downtown life of Salem provided plenty of opportunities for him to develop a love for history, especially the darker parts of it left out in general education. It also spiked a love for the occult, not that he practiced anything or fully immersed himself in the world of witchcraft and tumbled stones, but Halloween easily became his favorite time of year while he lived there. He worked in shops downtown, performed in skits of historical events, and inevitably became a tour guide for the area. 

Finn’s love for history expanded, and he began to dive into books depicting information about the United States first, until he moved onto important events and everything that happened throughout the world. 

When high school graduation started to approach, he looked into colleges, hopeful to pursue a degree in history. It came with great disappointment when his father had to give him the bad news that it could not be financially covered. With grades that weren’t exactly stellar, and a truancy streak, his options for scholarships were nearly nonexistent. 

This resulted in Finn pursuing an associate’s degree in community college. Financial aid covered the costs, and it was a place for him to start. It also gave him time to try and save money for a four-year school and improve his grades to reapply for scholarships. This is also where he picked up a minor in photography after an elective course taught him the basics on the ‘golden rule’ and composition. 

Online courses here and there sped up the process, offering him credits to transfer when he settled on Rutgers University for his bachelor’s degree with a major in photography. Due to tight finances, he did have to stop pursuing history as an area of study, but he kept with it as a hobby. He worked hard despite feeling run down from his studies and the physical and mental strain from his jobs. Finnley graduated community college at twenty years old, hopeful for his future, and one and a half years following he walked onto that New Jersey campus with his head held high. It was in November of his first semester that the fatigue worsened. He struggled to keep going, sometimes suffered dizzy spells that kept him planted in his seat, and on occasion was too weak to even stand himself up. A day came when he could not even push himself from the mattress in his dorm room.

When Finn bounced back it was gradual, and it was assumed to be just stress and exhaustion from being overworked. Come spring, it happened again, and it was a worse episode of chronic fatigue accompanied with tingling in his extremities. Several doctors’ visits, a couple of MRI scans, and a diagnosis later, Finnley learned he had multiple sclerosis. Dropping out of school temporarily at twenty-two to get a handle on it had been his first step, before he would go into the next year. He could not complete the spring semester which put him behind but adjusting to this curve ball life had thrown him was his priority. The second one was the medical costs maintaining it, and how it took a hit against his future. 

Medication was expensive, and his father did not have the greatest of insurance plans to cover more of the costs, so Finn was back to trying to earn money back in Salem. Except he had to fall back on less physically demanding jobs. It knocked the wind out of his sails, and he almost immediately lost any hope in returning to Rutgers to finish his degree.

It was three years down the road he received a letter from an unknown address. It was from his mother who was in a rehab in Hartford, recovering from her addictions and reaching out to establish contact. At first it was tossed away until several more followed suit in the mail, and he’d come to learn his mother remarried to someone wealthy. It definitely wasn’t the man she ran off with, but someone older than her by at least fifteen years, and with a promise of keeping clean and practically begging him for an answer it clicked that maybe… he could play his cards right.

Finn responded one day, establishing a line of communication, and then he gave details on his situation. His medical diagnosis, his incomplete schooling, and financial struggles. That made it easy when he asked for funding to return to school. She obliged almost immediately as a means to get her son back. Of course, Finn never told his father, and to keep Lillian from coming around Salem Finn decided to transfer his credits and hop on over to the west coast. Far away from Hartford, and away from his mother.

This does not mean he doesn’t reach out to her and let her know how he’s doing, and there is no guilt in the matter. Her financial support begins and ends at tuition and supply costs, and as for his rent and day to day expenses such as food and medication. Finn works for that on his own. It’s how he ended up in Aurora Bay, a returning photography student halfway through his junior year with a new sense of hope and promise.

TRAITS.

+ Charismatic, intelligent

+/- Logical, quirky

- Judgmental, flighty

HEADCANONS.

1. finn is sober, by choice. he fears to have the same addictive tendencies as his mother so he just avoids alcohol consumption and drug use altogether. never has he tried anything, and he doesn’t intend to. 2. finn is allergic to cats and guinea pigs. 3. although it’s never been proven as finn would rather live in ignorant bliss, there is suspicion the man who raised and loved him is not his biological father. aside from the fact they look nothing alike and finn overheard him talking to his grandparents, the assurance of ‘he is my boy no matter what’ gave finn enough to never need to know the answer. 4. finn has one little 1692 tattoo in the bend of his left elbow. 5. other than photography and puzzle books, finn does bird watch because it is calm and peaceful. it’s also an opportunity to snap some pictures. 6. tied in with his love of history is all things of the occult. he loves hard facts, but touching on astrology, alchemy and natural magic in the historical concept it fun for him. 7. his favorite movie growing up was Stand By Me, and he loved listening to Aerosmith & AC/DC with his dad. 8. finn never learned how to swim.

CONNECTIONS. 

Finn is not open for any new romantic connections currently. He can use friends, fellow students, if anyone wants a negative connect please hmu. Neighbors at Ocean Crest, regulars at the music shop, and even old regulars he'd met when he previously worked at the diner.

♡ @luckylewis- friend, neighbor, fellow concert-goer, and late night partner in crime that menace the local Walmart.

♡ @darcyxanthonyx - little sister figure, close friend and confidante.

♡ @madiiscn - classmate, peer, and hook up turning into something more serious. 

♡ @cherryxkoch - new friend, bad-date story swapper.

♡ @jordanmitchell - fellow ocean crest resident, friend, and fun flirtationship.

♡ @jamesonxcassidy - neighbor and close friend.

♡ @emersonxcassidy - little sister figure, fellow book lover and mother hen to their gang of friends.

♡ @lorelailewis - reoccurring french fry thief turned friend, and neighbor.

♡ @thelizaxlevin - an acquaintance turned friend.

♡ @cricketcampbell - fellow member of the ‘mommy issues club’.

♡ @wesxevans - old friends from salem, ma. and little brother figure.

♡ @thewrenxharlow - ocean crest neighbor and ex-friend with benefits, now coworker.

♡ @ithinkitscami - friend and model for some of his school portraits.

♡ @tabithaxking - ex-coworker from the diner, friend to this day, and a target to finn's incessant need to be a nuisance.

♡ @summersabella - classmates every now and again when they're electives match up, easily one of his victims subjects to his photography projects.

pinterest: [ here ] top 25 songs: [ here ] playlist about finn: [ here ] inspo/about finn tag: [ here ]

@aurorabayaesthetic

[rivergraceful]

Beautiful Sadness; A Commodity?

Introduction:

Have you ever taken a selfie while you were crying, then decided to delete it because you felt like you weren’t pretty enough, or, have you ever been having a pretty decent day, saw a row of 5 depressing tiktoks, then all of a sudden, you're crying too? Something I have been noticing recently, especially since the rise of TikTok during the lockdown, is an influx of just, depressing content to say the least. Now by depressing content, I don’t mean to say that venting is something that should be shunned, instead, I mean to open the conversation to analyzing the seemingly recent oversaturation of often, romanticized, aestheticized, and commodified sadness, in our media. 

Emotion isn’t raw anymore:

Emotion isn’t raw anymore, it seems like it is, but it's not. Maybe it never was? With just a quick scroll through social media, specifically TikTok, the rise of the “sad girl/sad aesthetic” is at an all-time high. Most commonly, the “sad girl/sad aesthetic” is most rampant within the venting/trauma dumpish/”the world is absolutely terrible and there is no fixing it,” Tiktok posts, which are often accompanied by a pretty girl or feminine presenting person, and or, an “aesthetic” sad song. This specific trend, or should I say culture, is very common, and the comments are often filled with people agreeing with the creator.  Another trend that fits into the “sad girl aesthetic” includes images of usually conventionally attractive celebrities/characters looking sad, often while also abusing a substance of some kind, behind a text that discusses mental illness. Lastly, a trend that also fits into the “sad girl/sad” aesthetic is the trend of “female rage edits” that usually include just clips of conventionally attractive white characters screaming, (with the exception of TikTok editors who made a primarily white edit, added Katherine's speech about how she was dealing racism in the movie Hidden figures, and then wrote it off as just a female rage edit, yeah that really annoyed me), accompanied by music like Ethel Cain, Lana Del Ray, Phoebe Bridgers, Fiona Apple, Mitski, Black Box Recorder, or other “sad girl” dubbed artists. 

Now you might be wondering, “How is this an issue?” Well, I'm here to tell you that this trend, is not just an issue, but it’s an epidemic. Not only is TikTok an app that is used by two-thirds of the US teen population, (according to Time Magazine), but it is also used often constantly by youth. I mean, think about it, it's an app that allows for the extremely rapid spread/influence of information and trends to occur, how could the rise of an aesthetic that romanticizes sadness, not harmfully affect, not only youth but social media users in general? What scares me about this aesthetic, is that venting turns into encouragement, trauma dumping turns into mass hopelessness, and spreading awareness about your eating disorder turns into a “How-to.” And the thing is, oftentimes, it's not intended. In a society where wages are low yet food prices are high, the globe is being warmed, celebrities don't want to stop flying their jets to lower carbon emissions, economic crisis strikes the world, the most “progressive” countries reverting back to systematic bigotry, and capitalism becoming increasingly more evident but seemingly more unstoppable, humanity is seeking for a way to cope, and social media is an easy gateway to detach.

 However, the issue with everyone wanting to detach through social media, is that it's sort of something that takes but doesn't quite give. For example, you're taking in the slight relief of romanticizing your depression, eating disorder, and or substance abuse, however, you're contributing to the mass oversaturation of romanticized, too perfect to be human, sadness, which is going to harm people in multiple ways.

The first way it harms us is through body image. Constantly using actors and models, made up to look the best when told it’s their worst, is only going to push the idea that “We're just not doing sad right.” I can assure you if you are a POC, an unconventionally attractive person, and or LGBTQ person, only seeing sadness or women's issues being discussed when its a romanticization using only a rich, conventionally attractive, cishet, celebrity, woman, isn’t going to help. It's usually not relatable and it's usually just influencing people to not try and get better, but instead just become beautifully perfect while they're sad. 

You can’t show raw emotion without it being primmed, cut, refilmed, edited, romanticized, and aestheticized before it's posted. Emotion is no longer raw but pampered, you aren't allowed to just be human anymore, instead, you are forced to compete in the beauty Olympics of sadness. Social Media has made Sadness an accessory and status symbol, akin to basic outfits: it's only praised when it's on a beautiful girl. 

The commodification of sadness, is it the result of Capitalism?:

Now more than ever, we have access to knowing every bad thing, happening in any part of the world, at any time. That aspect of our new technologically advanced world alone, is a significant causation of society's mass depression, alongside our heightened awareness of ourselves, insecurities, capitalism, and how the world works. However, let's focus more on the topic of insecurities, specifically, the beauty standards, women, insecurities, and capitalism’s relation to them.

 If you're not familiar with the terms “Individualism” and “Collectivism” I'll explain them to you. An individualistic country is one that praises the individual, being unique, standing out, and being the best. An example of this is how being unique, and coming up with the best plan to become a billionaire, (even if that includes exploiting other people) is praised in America. Subsequently, a collectivist country is one that praises community, being uniform, and fitting in. An example of this is how in China, having a “respectful” attitude, appearance, and career is a reflection on your family and community. The way America operates, (which is mostly, if not completely due to capitalism and colonization), is to praise uniqueness and or anything that gives money to capitalism. This is the cause of hustle culture, a job’s salary determining your worth, a 9-5 till you die mentality, the reason people feel the need to change their entire self to fit into an insanely niche, aesthetic subgenre, and the commodification of women. 

Interesting fact, underarm hair as an insecurity used to not really exist, well, until razor companies realized that they would make way more money if women bought razors as well. Therefore, companies started putting advertisements out there to make it seem unfeminine, and thus another woman targeting insecurity was born, or should I say, constructed. This is an example of an extremely common case of beauty companies making insecurities for women to endlessly buy their products. In the end, companies use extremely beautiful, often photoshopped, often surgically enhanced, women to advertise their products, (usually products that those women did not even use), and accompany that advertisement with a beauty standard that they know naturally, you can never achieve, and will forever chase, while buying their products. Similar to the commodification of women’s insecurities, through social media filters, trends, and aesthetics, trans women, cis women, and feminine presenting people, are seemingly unknowingly, participating in the oversaturated and aestheticized, romanticization of women’s sadness, pain, and issues, which in turn, will water down our movements, contribute to the system that we are trying to fight, prevent people from wanting to get better, and will make sadness an aesthetic, not a human emotion. 

Sources:

[qyuryyus]

something I need to get off my chest and have needed to for the longest time

i think sobriety/being straight edge is so much more appealing in a person than any other quality. I immediately lose so much trust in someone when I learn that they drink, smoke, vape, etcetera and all of the above. I have never understood the appeal of any of it. It's gross and just... stupid to me? To dampen what the world has to offer you. It makes me so mad to see so many people piss drunk or high off their asses at music festivals, like don't you want to enjoy the music and remember this experience? What's the point in spending so much money to just pass out in your own puke or piss and trash the venue while you're at it? What's the point of getting drunk just to complain that you have a hangover? What's the point in getting high when you develop an addiction and become a shell of your former self? There is so much the world has to offer you and you chose to hide behind substances. I watched my grandfather die from lung cancer that came out of nowhere my from smoking in his youth. He hadn't smoked in 50 years. I've watched my aunt turn into a nasty, abusive and evil person from her alcohol dependency and drug dependencies. I don't understand how people can see that in the world and still Want to get drunk or high. I've lost so many friends from them becoming potheads and it becoming their entire personality, and getting mad when anyone pointed out they're an addict.

I wish people would also stop pressuring people who just turned 21/whatever legal drinking age, to start drinking. Why can't people just take no for an answer? I don't want to and I never want to, it's as simple as that. If you have the right people around you, you shouldn't feel the need to slowly destroy your body like that. I'm not shaming people who are addicted to anything, I'm sorry that you're going through something that requires that, I know it's hard to kick a bad habit but man I just want people to understand where I'm coming from.

I guess I just really took my elementary school's "hugs not drugs" propaganda to heart.