#I HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY??? IF I PAY OFF MY CAR LOAN EARLY??? you fucks already bumped my $6k to $6.4k

[29121996]

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[kpop---scenarios]

Hidden Lies (1)

Pairing: Unknown x Reader

Warning: Violence, Crime, Almost Assault

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: This is a remake of Poisonous Lies. Some parts may be familiar, and that would be why. I hope you enjoy!! Let me know who you think she'll connect more with!

This morning you woke up, listening to the sounds of birds chirping, the sun shining through your window, and feeling like it was going to be a great day. 

“YN.” Your mom yells. It was too early and you were trying to wake up peacefully. “Y/N!” She calls out again, but this time it's more of a screech. 

You groan loudly, folding your pillow over your ears, wanting to enjoy a little bit of time without her yelling at you. The sound of her shrieking voice was coming closer every second, until it was practically right in your ear. 

Your eyes are still closed as you feel your blanket being ripped off your body, your mom cursing at you. 

“Wake the fuck up!” She yells. “Don't you hear me yelling for you? I have shit to do, I cannot keep waking you up in the mornings! damn, you're going to make us both late” 

You were 22 years old and you still live with your mother. This life you had was sad, although it was your fault. This technically was your choice. You had decided to drop out of school and go home to help your mom out after your dad was sentenced to 10 years in prison for a lengthy list of crimes, although well it wasn't his fault, it also was at the same time. 

Your father had lost his job, and instead of telling your mother and them trying to figure it out, he went and got a loan from some people involved in crime that he most definitely should have not gone to. He didn't think about the fact that he would have had to pay that money back, plus interest. And when the time came for them to collect he didn't have it. So he was recruited for odd jobs until he had paid everything back, he didn't get very far though. His last job ended up being a sting operation and he was charged with trafficking drugs, intent to sell, attempted kidnapping, attempted human trafficking and a few other things. He wouldn't tell them why he did it, he didn't want things to get any worse, even though you weren't sure if they could or not. It wasn't his finest moment, he was trying to help his family even if it was the worst way possible. He was a good man and a good dad. Your father was a man who would do anything for his family, especially to protect them, and that’s exactly why he did what he did and now he was suffering the consequences of his own actions. 

“I swear to god, YN.” Your mom yells as she grabs your arm, trying to pull you out of bed. “If you don't get your ass up in the next 30 seconds, I'm going to lose my mind! Your train leaves in 45 minutes and if you dont get ready and leave in 10 minutes then you're not going to be able to see your dad.” She sighs. “It’s his birthday, remember.”

Shit. You quickly bolt up in bed, scrambling to get out of your bed. You were rushing around your room grabbing whatever looked the cleanest on your floor before heading to your bathroom, slamming the door in the process. 

Your mom sighs loudly before she leaves your room so you can rush around and get ready. You knew it was hard for her, not having your dad around, and you were sometimes difficult but you were trying. You felt guilty, especially since she wasn't able to go on the visit today, her shitty boss wouldn't let her have the time off. It had only been a year since he’d been locked up and you, mom and your brother had faced some very hard times. The three of you have been barely surviving paying the bills, mortgage, car, gas, groceries as well as trying to pay back your dad's loan in cash, rather than jobs similar to what your dad did.

Your mom was working 2 jobs, you and your brother both working full time, and all your money went towards everything needing to be paid, rarely leaving you much of anything left over but the three of you made it work, you always figured it out. You would do whatever you needed to do. 

You're running down the stairs, trying to put your hair into a semi decent bun and forfeiting any makeup. 

“You ready?” Your mom asks, car keys in her hand. 

“Yeah, just let me grab my bag.” you breathe. You run into the kitchen, snatching your purse from the counter before you head back to the front door that's left wide open. You roll your eyes heading out the door, closing it behind you before sliding into the passenger seat of the car the three of you shared. 

Your mom doesn't say a word to you on the ride to the train station. You hold your train ticket in your hand as she pulls in front of the station. “Please tell him happy birthday from me and that I love him.” she whispers as you're getting out of the car. 

You give her a half smile. “I will mom.” You say, getting out of the car and closing the door. It doesn't take you long to navigate your way through the station, you’ve been making this trip a few times a month. You tried to see him as much as you could but between work, work and work, you never had a ton of time. You picked a seat on the train, setting your bag down in the seat beside you. You just made it on time, seconds later you were on your way and you couldn't wait to see your dad. 

You stood in line, waiting to have your bag checked and to go through the x-ray machine. When that was all clear you headed to the front desk, showing your ID and filling out paperwork before you could even go into the room and wait for him. You sit down, your stomach is twisting with nerves. You weren't sure why, this was like any other visit you had been on. 

“LN, YN.” You hear. “You can head in now.” the guard finishes, pointing towards a visitation room. The door buzzes open and you see your dad immediately, sitting in the back, in the middle of the room. His fingers were locked together with his head down. It felt like it had been forever since you had last seen him. “Dad.” you sniffle and his head shoots up, a smile spreads across his face so quickly as he stands up from his chair. You walk towards him, his arms are wide open, waiting to embrace you. You crash into his chest, wrapping your arms around him as he does you, holding you tightly. You missed his hugs, and the safeness you felt from him. You couldn't remember the last time you had felt safe.

You both let go, tears brimming in your eyes as you both sit down across from each other. 

“Happy birthday dad.” you smile. He reaches out to grab your hand, whispering a small thank you while his head hangs low. “Mom also wishes you a happy birthday, and she says that she loves you.” You tell him, but you knew he already knew that. 

“I know,” he smiles. “I'm assuming that she had to work today?” he asks. 

You nod your head. 

“She tried to get the time off but you know Dave, he’s a dick and wouldn't even let her have the morning off.” you tell him.

But again, you knew he already knew that. Dave and your dad had been friends for years, but after your dad was sentenced the man acted as if he never knew him and was never friends with him. Your eyes wander around the room, as if anything would be different since the last time you were here. Your dad begins telling you a story, something funny that had happened the other day. You were listening, but you couldn't help but let your eyes wander.

You looked out into the common room, as you were scanning the room, your eyes landed on someone. A man, a very handsome dark haired, angry looking man staring directly at you. You tried to look away from him, but it's like you were locked in with him. He was so captivating you honestly didn't even want to look away, but you do, not before he smiles at you slightly, giving you a small wink. 

You’re brought out of your trance by your dad clearing his throat before continuing on with his story. You catch the end of it, laughing along with him even though you didn't really hear the rest of it. “Tell me about everything. What’s going on with you? How is your brother?” he asks. Before you can answer the lights of the prison flicker, the alarm blares as the red siren lights up the room on beat with the alarms. 

“What’s happening?” you yell over the loud sounds. You were feeling a little panicked but before your dad could say anything you both hear yelling. You looked at the commotion in the common room, which was only separated from the visiting room by one large metal door. You glanced around, seeing the other visitors watching what was happening but no one was reacting to anything. 

“I'm sure the guards will get it sorted, fights break out all the time. No need to worry.” Your dad tells you, trying to reassure you. 

You couldn't help but worry. You watched as more and more fights were beginning to break out between prisoners, prisoners and guards. You watched in horror, as the prisoners seemingly took the guards down more easily then they should have been able too. Your eyes were darting to every window that you could see and watched guard after guard collapse, inmates grabbing the guns or batons, a cluster of inmates slamming guards into the windows, shaking what is supposed to be bullet proof glass. 

Seconds later a fight in the visiting room breaks out after an inmate bashes a guard's head against the table. You're panicking now, other visitors are screaming, leaving their tables trying to escape, some pounding on the door, begging the guards to let them out.

The inmates from the common room begin trying to shoot the windows, or trying to pry open the doors into the visiting room. 

The doors were buzzed open letting the guards from the front now rush in from one side to try and calm the situation but instead they let the inmates rush through the other doors into the room where you and your dad were. He had taken you to the corner of the room, standing in front of you to protect you. You peek out from behind him, the two of you watching in horror as blood and tears are spilled, the cries and pleas from visitors are yelled out as the inmates attack anyone in their way, including those who were just trying to visit their loved ones. 

Your heart is pounding so loud, you can hear it in your ears. You feel weak, light headed. Your adrenaline hasn't kicked in yet. Your stomach is churning at all of the blood. Your father grabs your hand pulling you with him through another open door, and hopefully to safety. As soon as the two of you make it into another room, you're confronted by three large men. 

“Look.” Your dad begins. “We don't want any trouble. I'm just trying to keep my daughter safe.”

The man in front smiles, but even his smile is terrifying. 

“What a good dad you are. But don't worry.” He says. “We'll take her from here. I'll personally keep her safe.” He finishes, licking his lips. 

“No thank you.” your dad says. “We're just going to go.” You grip onto your dads orange jumpsuit. 

“Dad.” You whisper. He can hear the fear in your voice. 

He runs forward, punching the man, pushing him into the two men behind him. “Run YN! Run!” He screams as the men grab him, taking him elsewhere. You try to run for the door but you're grabbed, pulled back and pushed against the wall. The man who had been talking to your father stood inches from your face. You could see the evil in his eyes as he eyed you up. You can feel his breath on your neck as he moves closer towards you.

You look both ways, trying to find your way to escape. There's only one other door besides the one you came through and you're pretty sure it's locked. Fear jolts through your body as you try and think of anything you could possibly say or do to get yourself out of this situation but you know that there is nothing you can do, except try and fight. 

“Get away from me!” you yell, putting your hands on his chest and pushing as hard as you can. 

"Don't fucking do that.” He snaps, shoving you against the wall. He raises his hand as he gets closer to you, his finger tracing your face. You squeeze your eyes shut, tears rolling down your cheeks and you let out a scream, as loud as you could. You switched between yelling "help me." And screaming, hoping someone would come for you. 

The man slaps his hand over your mouth, angrily. "Why would you do that, don't you like me?" He asks. "It's been a long fucking time since we've been this close to a woman." He chuckles. You can feel his body pressing against you. You try to focus on anything else, but all you can hear is the sound of him breathing and the screams and cries of the ones caught in the riot. 

Just as you were about to give up, you feel a release. You can no longer feel his body pressing against you, you can hear yelling much closer. You open your eyes and see a dark haired man, and a familiar other dark haired man pulling the men away from you. Within seconds the man who wanted to attack you was down on the floor, and the two men who saved you grabbed your hands, pulling you out of the room and away from the chaos. 

Where was your dad? Was he okay? 

The three of you ran down a hallway, the alarms are still blaring, you can just barely hear police sirens from outside. 

The two men had no idea where to go, everywhere you looked there was violence, inmates with weapons and minimal guards that were alive. 

"Hey!" You hear from down the hall. You all turn around and see the man that had you pinned against the wall. Anger suddenly fuels you, wondering where your dad was. 

“What did you do to my dad!?” You scream. The man stops walking, a grin spreads across his face. “Don't worry, he's just fine. Now you two.” He says, pointing to the two men who were still holding onto you. “You don't get to take what's not yours.” He frowns. “I want her back.” He yells down the hall. The two men who had taken your father appear behind him. 

“Fuck.” One says. they turn around, pulling you in a different direction. You were turning corner after corner until one of them found an unlocked door. He opens it, quickly pulling you inside before slamming it shut. Your body is shaking, you can't help but sob. You never in a million years expected today to turn out how it has. 

Both the men quickly jump into action, grabbing whatever heavy pieces of furniture they can find to shove against the door. You watch them, still feeling just pure shock. 

"I'm sorry." You whisper. You weren't even entirely sure what you were sorry about but it felt appropriate in the moment. 

They both stop covering the door, staring at you. “Sorry for what?” One asks. 

“I.. I'm not sure. But you're in this mess now because of me.” You sigh. 

“We're in this because we didn't want to see an innocent woman get taken advantage of by some fucked up men. You didn't start it.” He says. 

“What's your name?” The other asks. 

"Y/N." You sniffle. 

“I’m Wooyoung, and this is San.” 

“Nice to meet you both. And thank you. I truly don't know what would have happened if you guys didn't save me.” 

“It's nothing.” San says, giving you a half smile. He could not stop staring at you, just like when you were in the visiting room with your dad and he had caught your eye. 

Before you could say anything back, the knob to the door started to shake. There's pounding at the door, and that's when you hear it. 

“Y/N.” your dad calls. “Y/N please let me in. They're coming.” He cries. “Please.” 

You run to the door, trying your best to move everything they had put against the door. 

“Y/N stop.” Wooyoung yells, trying to pull you away. 

“Please!” You cry. “Please help me. That's my dad, we need to let him in.” 

San and Wooyoung loom at each other. They both know this is a bad idea but knew that there would be no chance of you letting up. 

“Whatever happens?” San says. Wooyoung nods his head. 

“Whatever happens.” 

The two men help you pull the large filing cabinet, desk and other heavy things away from the door. You unlock the deadbolt, ripping the door open, the smile on your face falling immediately. 

“I'm sorry Y/N. I'm so sorry.” He cries. He's pushed inside the room by the three men from before. He trips, falling to the floor with a thud. You wanted to go to him but the man has a gun now and it's pointed directly at you. 

“You two aren't very good at hiding.” He chuckles. 

“Eric, you don't have to do this.” Wooyoung says, his hands up as he inches towards you. 

“Fuck you, Woo. You'd be the fucking same if you were locked in the hole for months at a time.” Eric snaps. “And now I have a chance for something real and you two are trying to ruin it for me.” 

“I'm telling you not to fucking do this.” San snaps. He can see Eric eyeing you up, your dad laying on the floor, one of Eric's men's feet pinning him down. 

“You think I'm gonna listen to you?” Eric laughs. “Just enjoy the show.” He says, grabbing onto Your wrists. Wooyoung and San try to lurch forward but they're stopped by the other two, flashing their knives. Eric pushes you against the wall, pulling you back towards him. He pulls you to the ground, climbing on top of you, straddling you. The gun is still shoved in your face. You say nothing, tears just stream down your face. Your eyes dart in-between San and Wooyoung as you silently plead for one of them to do something. To help you. 

Eric rips open your shirt, exposing your bra. You look away, seeing Wooyoung and San nod towards each other. They both lunge for the men, knocking them down. Your dad scrambles to his feet taking over for San, as he runs for Eric, who was too in his own world with you to hear anything else. San tackles him, causing Eric to let go of the gun, it slides across the floor. Eric scrambles beneath San as he delivers hit after hit. 

“Everybody get on the fucking ground.” You hear. Smoke bombs thrown into the room. Guards in full tactical gear flood inside, guns at the ready. San gets off of Eric, all of them men laying on the floor. “Hands on your head.” They yell. 

You do as you're told. “We have a hostage located.” They go to you first, helping you up. You're coughing loudly as they guide you out of the room, into another one to be treated. They'd finally gotten everything settled down and started getting inmates back into their cells, or medical treatment. 

“You took a fucking hostage, the warden is deciding your punishment.” A guard snaps at Wooyoung and San as they escort them past the room you're in. You push the nurse away, running out of the room. 

“Wait!” You yell. “They didn't take me hostage. They saved me from him.” You say, pointing to Eric. “He tried to.. he tried to...” You cry. “They protected me from him and I'll forever be grateful.” you finish. You walk over to the two handcuffed men, wrapping your arms around both of them, until they're both escorted off. Both of them looking over their shoulders, giving you a smile and a wink. 

Once you were checked out by the nurse and cleared to go, you were led out to the front where your mom was waiting for you. You sobbed into her shoulder as she hugged you tightly, apologizing to you profusely. She grabbed your hand, pulling you out to the car. you look back at the prison as she drives away, silently thanking Wooyoung and San for saving you. You'd have to find some way to properly thank them sometime. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Your mom asks. 

“Dad and I were talking when fights broke out. Inmates were attacking guards and other inmates.” You sigh. “They opened the doors to the visitation room to let guards in but inmates rushed in.. one gut I guess had his sights set on me.” 

“Dad protected you right?” Your mom asks. 

“He tried. But there were 3 of them and one of him.. they took him away. And I was alone.” You look over at your mom, she has tears in her eyes as she listens to you. “But then two men rushed in and grabbed me, helped me escape. Took me to a room and barricaded the door.” 

“They didn't hurt you did they?” She whispers. 

“No mom, they didn't. Dad started banging on the door.. they helped me move everything and open the door but the bad guy was there with him, they pushed him in.. the guy tried to.. r..” you pause. Your mom looks horrified. “He didn't. Wooyoung and San tackled him and then the guards came in.” 

“That was extremely lucky that they were there for you.” She sighs. “I'm so sorry baby.” 

“It's not your fault mom. You didn't know that was going to happen.” You say. “No one could have predicted that would happen.” 

The rest of the way you drive home in silence. You really want to just go to bed. Luckily you didn't have to work today so you could do just that. As you walked in the house, your brother Jaehyun rushed to you, hugging you tightly. “I'm so glad you're okay.” He says, squeezes you even harder. 

“I won't be if you squeeze me anymore, you're gonna suffocate me.” You half chuckle, half panic. He lets you go, patting your back before heading back to the living room. 

“Do you want some lunch?” Your mom asks. You raise an eyebrow. You had assumed she would have had to go back to work. 

“Don't you have to go back to work?” You ask. She looks at the ground. 

“Uh, well.. Dave said if I left to go to you, I wouldn't have a job. It's not worth it if he won't let me go to my child who was in the middle of a prison riot. Don't worry, I'll find something else.” She smiles. 

Fuck Dave. You went up to your room, crawled in your bed and quickly fell asleep. The day was exhausting and you were still shook a week later. It was the week after the riot, and you had been answering everyone's questions about what happened, what it was like the guys who saved you. It was the talk of the town still but you were tired of talking about it. You were ready to forget about it now, which is why you agreed so fast when your friend Hwasa asked you to go out that night. There was a newish club that was apparently very exclusive and the two of you wanted in. You got ready in a hurry, doing your makeup and your hair the best you could. You slipped on your favorite club dress as well as shoes and headed for the front door. 

“I'm going out, bye!” You yell, slamming the door behind you. You run down the driveway heading to Hwasa's car. 

The drive to the club is long. When you finally see it, you're mesmerized. It's bigger than you imagined, the bright sign outside reads Ateez. You were so excited. The line was extremely long, and as you walked up to the bouncer he shooed you to the back of the line. It seemed like you were never going to get in. 

After about twenty minutes, you noticed a man staring at you that was walking the line, he walked past you, before backing up to look at you again. 

“L/N Y/N?” He asks, eyeing you up and down. 

“Yes?” You respond, staring at the handsome man. 

“Come with me.” He says, motioning for you and Hwasa to follow him. You and Hwasa look at each other, she shrugs her shoulders, following the man and dragging you along behind. He stops at the bouncer, pointing to you. “L/N Y/N. Add her to the list. VIP.” He finishes, bringing you both inside. What the hell did you do to get this sort of treatment? 

The two of you walk behind the man, following him really without any questions. You pass what looks like the main bar, the dance floor and head up some stairs. The rope is removed from the hook, letting the three of you into the VIP area. 

“You can stay here if you'd like. Your drinks are all on the house, whatever you'd like. If you need anything, my name is Mingi, don't hesitate to ask.” He says. 

“Um, I do have a question.” You say, slightly raising your hand. “How? Um, why? And um what?” You say. 

Mingi chuckles. “You helped my brothers out, by not adding time to their sentences. They both could have gotten a lot more time after that riot. But they didn't, because of you. So from now on, if you are in trouble or need anything, you have 8 men who will happily help you out.” He says. “Well 6 for now, until San and Woo get out.” 

“All I did was tell the truth.” You say.

“There's a lot of women out there who would have lied, knowing who those two are.” He says. 

 “Also, You're related to them?” You ask, ignoring what he said before. You were too busy trying to stop your mouth from hanging down. 

“Well.. in a sense.” He laughs. “Enjoy your night.” He finishes before leaving the room. 

“What the hell!” Hwasa shouts, heading over to your private bar. She orders multiple drinks and shots for each of you to be brought to your table. As you two sit there, listening to the music the DJ is playing, drinking and just having a good time you see five men walk into the room. They stop, staring at you. As they walk over they introduce themselves. 

“Y/N.” One smiles. “I'm Seonghwa, this is Yeosang, Yunho, Jongho and Hongjoong.” He says pointing to each extremely handsome man. 

“Nice to meet you.” You smile back, waving at them all while hiccuping in the process. 

“Thank you for what you did for Woo and San.” Seonghwa says. 

“Like I said to Mingi, I was just telling the truth. I didn't want them to get into trouble for saving me.” You explain. 

“If you need anything, and I mean anything, don't hesitate to call.” He says, sliding you a piece of paper. Written down are 8 phone numbers for you. This was honestly fucking surreal. Who knew this could happen for simply telling the truth? 

The men walk away and Hwasa stares at you in disbelief. “I almost wish it was me that day.” She laughs. “Let's go dance!” She says, trying to pull you up. 

“Let me just tidy these glasses.” You slur, stacking all the cups and shot glasses to bring back to the bartender. He laughs as you place them on the bar, and thanks you through his chuckles. 

You let Hwasa drag you down the stairs to the dance floor, immediately sliding her hands all over your body as you dance closely. The two of you always preferred to dance together, but sometimes if you were into it you'd dance with men.  This time you were too into dancing with Hwasa, you didn't want any men to disturb you. You turned around, grinding your ass into her as you looked around the club. You glanced up at the balcony and saw six men leaning on the railing, all their eyes staring directly at you. Why did you feel like your life was going to get a lot more interesting? 

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

i'm so stressed out. i don't have the money to pay my phone bill. or my car insurance. money that parents gave me to help pay my bills. that i spent on groceries. bc i thought i had already paid my car insurance, but i hadn't. and i sold some shit online and did my math wrong. bc i was so fucking confused all the time bc the meds i was on. and now i need to get roughly $150 to pay those off, without having to tell my parents that i messed up. or take more money from them. but it's impossible to get a small loan, while unemployed. unless you can find a way to borrow money from your benefits early, which i have no idea how to do. bc the fucking website won't work right for me. i can't even see my goddamn plan, even though I've contacted tech support twice, and chatted online with one of their assistants. idk what to do. everything seems like too much. i'm so overwhelmed. i just want to get better. why do i have to go through all this shit just to get help? i need help. i can't live like this

[wordsbyt]

When I think about it, I ask myself why I am thankful?

I am, but not because of all I have been given. That’s been a lot, but I am also thankful for what I wasn’t given.

For not being given everything I wanted as a kid. I learned early on to enjoy the simple things. The small gifts and pleasures. That a bag of chips was a big deal. People singing in your backyard was better than anything you could watch on 1000 TV channels, besides, there was only 3 then....

For not being given the gift of being a great looking guy. Learning that doors don’t open just because I was standing in front of them. I had to knock. I had to use my wits to get what I needed, and it made me earn my way.

For not getting a loan co-signed to pay for my 1st car ( a truck ). So I didn’t get that car ( a truck ). I got a bicycle. And I rode the wheels off of it. And when I did get my truck, I took care of it like it was a girlfriend. I appreciated what she could do for me, and I showed her love.

For my girl, now my wife, saying no to me when I asked her out. I was determined to make her mine and I never gave up. And I never quit asking. I wore her out, and 40 years later, she is still tired of me.

For having to raise my kids with very little help. And by that I mean not with the help of babysitters because I am boring and don’t go out very often. So we bonded in a way that made us friends as well as family. I taught them bad songs, bad jokes, and bad language. And it was all in good fun.

For not being able to go to college because I had no money. So I had to go to work. I went to a motorcycle shop, because a friend told me “ they’ll hire anybody “, and 10 years later I was the manager of the dealership, without ever getting a M/C license. Hell, I never even knew anyone that owned a motorcycle prior to that job.

For not being the best at art. I have the ability to draw things that I see. But, I was always told someone was better, or why don’t you do this or that. Then i learned, I am the artist. It is my paper. I own it. And so I was determined to show that I was good. Good enough. And I found out I am.

For my coaching, which I never felt I was really good at. But, I feel like I was really good at reading people. At figuring out what moved them. At helping them get better mentally as well as physically. That showing them my weak sides made them see that it was okay to have small setbacks. The goals are long term. To see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. To realize that dreams can come true.

For a family that kept me grounded. We never had “things”, but we had enough. We never got what we wanted, but we never wanted because we had everything. I learned early on that a bowl of bean soup at the table with about 10 friends and your mom could beat out any club. That a picnic table in the backyard or the side lot under a tree, could attract more people than any concert or black Friday giveaway. That a dad that can fix a washing machine or a water heater is a lot better than a dad that can buy you one. That a mom that laughs so loud with her sisters at your Mammaws, is sweeter than any dessert. That sisters are there when you almost die, and when you live your greatest moments.

So, yes I am grateful.

Grateful for everything I have been given, because by not giving me everything, they all have given me everything I am.

[after-witch]

THEEOOO are you alright???

Please tell me you're alright

Give us some update T_T

hey 'non so uhhh, u mm. I didn't want to post because I feel like lately all I do is just post "my life is going to shit" but ;;; YOU ASKED... SO IT'S OKAY.... and uh, truthfully:

I'm not okay. At all. Things aren't okay in a serious way.

gonna 'keep reading' cut this so it's not clogging up anyone's dash ;;

Furnace tech came out, there's a crack in the furnance (He showed me & I got it confirmed) and he tagged my furnace as unsafe for living conditions and turned off power/gas to it.

So I have no working heat throughout the house. In the winter. In an area where it can get down to the 10s/20s or colder, particularly as we get into January-February.

I don't have the money to buy a furnace, but I literally need one to live in this house and make sure my pipes don't freeze/burst, and to sell this house for anything remotely resembling a reasonable price.

They send someone out for an estimate, and it’s $4000 for a new furnance install. I don’t have it. And they gave me info to apply for a loan, but like. I can’t... take out a a $4000 loan to pay for a new furnace when I’m supposed to be moving in 2 months. 

My family found a used furnace, but we need someone licensed to install it. So far the quotes for installing it are just as much as buying the new furnace and having it installed, so it’s like. Hrm. People are asking around to see if we can find someone who will do it for a different rate. But I mean, it’s a complex installation, so I’m not hopeful.

And on top of all this, it's just like. Me trying to sell the house on my own? Somehow? Trying to declutter and clean and pack a 2000 square foot house and then figure out how to list it and for what price and do all the paperwork?

All this was already overwhelming without the "I HAVE NO FURNACE NOW" element hanging over me. And now? I just feel so lost.

So I got approved for the apartment which has a move-in date in early March, but now I'm just like, how am I going to afford the apartment $500 hold deposit in 2 weeks and later on afford the move-in costs and get a furnace installed and get renter's insurance and sell a house with presumably no working furnace in the winter and get everything decluttered and packed in very cold temps and still pay my regular bills and start saving for the next round of car insurance and make enough for gas and and and...

I've actually never felt this level of stress and despair before. I just keep bawling. Like, "when someone you love dies" level of bawling.

I'm just really not okay.

My cat and I are currently in my office with a space heater while I try to do some remote freelance work so I can pay my current bills, hopefully she joins me in the bedroom after I warm it up & stuff a blanket in the doorway cracks to keep it in. I also bought room thermometers so I can see if it's getting to dangerous cold levels and if it is, go to a relative's house.

Thankfully, I do have places I can stay at during the night (siblings houses) but the financial situation & making sure my cat is safe & making sure I'm not in dangerous cold conditions & making sure my pipe's don't freeze is just... overwhelming. idek what to do at this point.

Every time I'm like "Okay, it can't get worse," it just does. Every little positive thing (finally getting my driver's license, finding a way to pay for car insurance, getting help from commissions & amazing donations so I can get my furnace fixed last month) is immediately met with a massive backhand.

Def going to like. Post more about emergency commissions & stuff like that soon. Just right now I need to... figure out... what to make a priority.

Sorry for the long rant. I wish things were going good so I could just say that. I wish I just. had a secret stash of money that I could use to pay for this stuff and not have to worry. 

[maddieautobot273]

Silk & Cologne (42)

A Miguel O'Hara x OC Series - Link to AO3 (X)

Chapter 42 - Respite - previous chapter (X)

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Female OC

Words: 4.05K+ words

Warnings: PG13 for brief implied cannibalism

Summary: Lisa is eager to see Miguel again after their first date.

/////////

Miguel drove me home later that night after we ended up kissing each other for so long, to the point where we both needed to pull away from each other to breathe in much needed oxygen. Taking heavy breaths, we both smiled at one another, barely bothered by the fact that we were now completely drenched from the rain as Miguel signals his car to drive by and pick us up. Miguel had the heaters amped up to keep us warm as we drove back to my apartment, but as I fought to stop myself from shivering, I was still smiling. 

We did it. We went on our first date. We had our first kiss. 

When we arrived at my apartment and walked inside the unit, Kasey and Hannah were shocked to find us both drenched, asking what had happened. Miguel and I glanced over at one another and smiled knowingly, laughing softly. Hannah was the first to register the looks on our faces and their meaning, Kasey following behind with a proud grin. 

Miguel left me in their care once again, excusing himself saying he had an early morning at the office tomorrow. Very smooth Miguel. Before he left, he wrapped an arm around my back, hugging me close. Miguel pressed a gentle yet firm kiss to my temple before meeting my gaze. 

“Want to do this again soon?” He asked. 

“Promise?” My eyes twinkled as I met his gaze. 

“Promise,” He grinned as he snuck in a quick peck to my lips before taking his leave, waving goodbye to my friends as he left. 

The night ended with Kasey and Hannah helping me dry off and get warm before calling Toya and Touga and sitting me down, demanding to know every bit and detail of our date. I told them everything, minus any mention of the Spider-Society or the multiverse. When I finished detailing the kiss, both of the girls squealed in delight as Toya and Touga fist bumped one another. 

“Yes! I called it!” Toya cheered triumphantly as he pointed a finger at his brother. “Pay up!”

I gawked at the video feed as I watched Touga slip his twin brother a $20 bill. “You were taking bets?!”

Although I shouldn’t be surprised considering some of the other Spider-Men were doing the exact same thing, it does hit differently when you know it’s being done by people you were close friends with than super hero co-workers. 

“I bet Touga you two would have your first kiss while at the restaurant,” Toya grinned proudly. 

“Meanwhile, I bet Toya that you’d kiss after he had escorted you home,” Touga shrugged with a defeated smile. “Here I was thinking that was more common than the other,” 

“Now I have boba money for the next week,” Toya stuck his tongue out playfully at Touga who slapped him across the face in response. 

“The snark, the sass, it sounds like something from a dream!” Kasey swooned as she fanned herself. “So you two are totally going on another date right?”

“Um, yeah?” I had an excited look on my face as my mind raced with the possibilities of what we could do next. “Did you not hear him ask me?”

“Oh I heard, believe me, I just wanted to hear you say it,” Kasey grinned. 

After the call ended, Kasey and Hannah left the apartment, leaving me alone for the rest of the night. I changed into my pajamas, slipping on the shirt Miguel had loaned me the other night and crawled into bed. I hugged a pillow tightly to my chest as I squealed excitedly into the cushion. 

Try as I might, I tossed and turned, but couldn’t bring myself to fall asleep. After trying for over an hour, I quickly realized I was too jazzed from our date, I didn’t see myself getting much sleep tonight. It was all I could think about, not to mention Miguel himself. 

Everything from his outfit, to how he acted, his eyes. . . his lips. . . 

My gizmo buzzed, the screen lighting up. I peeked over at the touch screen. I smiled as I read who it was from, and I tapped the inbox to open it. 

“Is it safe to assume that you can’t sleep either?” - Miguel 

“How did you know?” - Lisa 

“Call it a hunch,” - Miguel 

I smirked at his response, sitting up against the headboard of my bed. 

“Soooo, what’s up?” - Lisa 

“Can’t sleep, so I might pass the time putting extra monitor duty hours, but. . .” - Miguel

“. . . I can’t stop thinking about you,” - Miguel 

A blush crept its way onto my cheeks, hugging the pillow closer to my chest as I watched the speech bubbles jump up and down as Miguel typed his next message. 

“Would you mind if I. . . call you? To keep me company while I work?” - Miguel 

“Just until you finally feel like you can fall asleep? I don’t want to keep you up all night, you should still take care of yourself and your wellbeing, I just. . .” - Miguel

“You know what I mean?” - Miguel

Oh if he thinks I’m adorable, he should really look back and see what he’s been writing to me. 

“I do know what you mean,” - Lisa 

“I can’t get you out of my bed either,” - Lisa 

Wait, bed?! 

My eyes widening, a panicked gasp escaping me as I shot up and before I could even type to correct myself, Miguel had responded immediately. 

“My, my, Mona Lisa, I never knew you to be so forward~” - Miguel 

I screamed into my pillow to not get in trouble with my neighbors. How can he tease me at a time like this?! 

“If you wanted me to stay after and cuddle up for a while, all you had to do was ask~” - Miguel

“OH MY GOD, *Head, I meant *Head!!!” - Lisa 

Miguel responded with the laughing emoji. My cheeks heated up in warmth, the colour going darker as I sank deeper into the bed. 

“I’m joking, mi Mona Lisa, I’m only teasing,” - Miguel

“Are you gonna call me now or soak in my embarrassment a bit more first?” - Lisa 

“I’m coming, I’m coming, don’t worry,” - Miguel 

Within moments I receive a call notification and I click the answer button. A holographic screen projects itself in front of my face and I see Miguel’s frame come up. He was back in his lab at his computer console, wearing his spider-suit. 

He glances over, offering me a sly smirk. “Hey you,” He winks. “Is that my shirt I see?”

“I hate you,” I muttered, my cheeks still burning. 

Miguel barks out a laugh, hands on his hips as he gives me a sympathetic look. “Oh, Lisa, por favor, don’t be like that,” - please 

The two of us spend the call just talking. . . well, about anything. About the date, or anything else that was happening between our worlds, and just made idle conversation. Whenever we weren’t talking, I just watched him work, admiring his focused gaze. I took in the details of his face, the cheekbones and that chiseled chin and jawline. 

I didn’t remember falling asleep when I woke up the next morning. But when I looked at the backlog, the call had lasted for a few hours before Miguel had ended it after noticing I had fallen asleep. He did leave one more message behind afterwards. 

“Dulces sueños <3” - Miguel - Sweet dreams 

///////////

Earth - 1997 

Harry Osborn took an elevator down to the lowest basement level of his Oscorp Headquarters. Stepping out from the moving contraption, he entered an underground laboratory with a skylight that overlooked the Alchemax collider hanging above them. He stepped over to the side, entering one section of the lab where he’d hope to find his associate. 

Dr. Octavius was at his work bench, sparks of electricity shining as he worked and recalibrated another collar. He was hunched down as he worked, but when the Doctor heard Harry’s footsteps approach him, his back straightened, revealing him at his full height as the man turned to face his boss. He was a few inches taller than Harry, wore a sleek white lab coat with protective goggles over his eyes and a mask that covered his face to shield his scars from previously failed experiments. 

He ran a hand through his dark brown curly hair, his voice synopsized and almost robotic from the mask, “Harry, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

“My good doctor, I’m just checking in on your progress,” Harry smirked, tucking his hands behind his back. “Status report?”

“Ah, on the subject,” Dr. Octavius nodded his head in understanding. “Just a moment, please,”

The Doctor set his tools aside as he walked over to a metal capsule. Pressing a command on the console nearby, the metal slabs of the capsule opened up, revealing a petite human figure floating inside. Water was filled to the brim of the capsule with breathing tubes and IV’s hooked up to the figure, with small tufts of brown hair growing from their head. 

“The subject is growing at a steady, accelerated pace,” Octavius smiled through the mask as he glanced over at Harry. “The blood sample you provided me has made this so much more easier to work with,”

“No trouble at all, doctor,” Harry grinned. “Do we have an estimated time as to when they’ll be fully grown?”

“If their growth continues at their current pace, they’ll be ready within a matter of weeks,” Octavius explained. 

“Good, good,” Harry nodded in approval, “Take as long as you need to perfect it, Doctor. I have a feeling this will be our ace for my plan,”

Before the pair could speak further, the Collider suddenly came to life. The colours and visuals flashing through the skylight as they looked above them and watched the transportation elevator begin to lower itself down from the tractor beam. 

“Dmitri must be back,” Harry mused.

“Allow me, Harry,” Octavius activated his robotic arms, the metal limbs extending from the armour plate at the man’s back. 

He offered one to Harry as he climbed onto the claw and the Doctor carried and escorted Harry up to the platform where the elevator would dock. Octavius set the CEO down gently as Dmirtri emerged from the elevator. His hands in his pockets, there was a hard look in his eyes through this white metal plated mask. 

“What happened?” Harry raised a brow at the Chameleon. 

Chameleon shook his head with disarray. “I couldn’t go through with the recruitment with Mr. Goblin,” 

“He said no?” Harry seemed genuinely surprised yet also frustrated that they had failed to recruit another to their cause. 

“I never got the chance to ask him. The Spider-Society and their nosey algorithm AI lady detected my presence and sent a team to investigate,” Dmitri grumbled, lifting his fingers to make air quotes, “To preserve the canon they said,” 

Harry growled under his breath, clutching his fingers into fists. “Ever since we made ourselves known to the Society, it’s been getting harder to recruit more to our cause and solidify my plans,”

“Perhaps instead of recruiting new players into our chess game, why not return to old ones?” Octavius suggested with a soothing motion of his hand to ease Harry’s nerves. 

“You mean. . . like Miss Isabella?” Dmitri glanced over at the doctor, appearing confused. 

“Ah, yes, my little lovely,” Harry pondered, cupping his chin. “I was wondering how to bring her back into the fray,”

“She is still captured, no?” Dmitri spoke up, looking between his companions. “Being held at Mr. O’Hara’s Headquarters?”

“Actually, no. . .” Octavius chuckled with a dark tone, earning Harry’s attention as he looked towards him. “Upon giving her the upgrades to her abilities, I hid a synthetic tracker in her neck. As of a week ago, she has returned to her own dimension,”

“But how can we get there?” Harry questioned the doctor. “O’Hara blocked that dimension’s frequency from us,”

“With the original gizmo’s wavelength that Dmirtri stole, yes, but–” Octavius snapped his fingers as one of his robotic arms extended down, snatching the collar he had been working on and bringing it over to Harry. “I’ve been making some improvements. Using the coordinates provided by the Society’s gizmo, we can now use the collars to traverse the multiverse and no longer be limited to the use of the collider,”

“Fascinating,” Harry purred. “On that note. . . I don’t mean to rush you Doctor, but we may need the subject ready sooner rather than later,”

“I’ll see what I can do,” The Doctor nodded after a brief pause, the gears in his head turning as he calculated the time and work ethic in his head.

Both Harry and Doctor Octavius glanced over towards Dmitri. 

“But. . . will the collar actually work?” Chameleon asked, a little nervous at the looks he was getting. 

“Perhaps a test is in order,” Dr. Octavius proclaimed. 

////////

Earth - 1218 

Lisa’s P.O.V. 

“I'm still fighting, I don't fear I've lost Am I dreamin', Is there more like us?”

My friends and I danced through the steps of our routine as the sang blared on the speaker. We were just recently given the all clear to do dress rehearsals for the show on the live stage back at the Statue of Liberty now that the stage, props and decorations were for the most part finished. After realizing my suit was still missing somewhere on Earth - 269, I made up the excuse that I got a horrible stain on it and sent it to the wash to get it cleaned. 

Thankfully my friends seemed to buy it, and didn’t budge me on it more throughout the rest of the rehearsal. We were going at it for a little longer than we normally do, but with good reason. It was hard to fathom how close everything seemed now as my heart pounded in my chest. 

In less than two weeks I would be doing my first stage performance in two years. In two weeks my mom would be flying down to visit me and to see me perform, and meet Miguel. In two weeks, for the first time since I left South Korea behind, I felt like I would finally start to get my life back. 

“Got me feelin',Like it's all too much

I feel beaten, But I can't give up!”

As the song started to whine down to a close, we all slowly froze and struck a pose. We each went for a signature and recognizable superhero pose, as was the theme of the festival. I decided to kneel down and do the signature crouched, superhero landing pose.

Or as the fans on the internet called it, the Black Widow ‘Poser’ pose.  

“Can't give, can't give up

Can't give up!”

Once the music had stopped completely, we all relaxed out of our poses and silently cheered. We had finally done a complete run through of the entire routine from beginning to end with very little mistakes. That gave us two weeks to polish it off. 

“That was awesome guys!” I complimented everyone as we formed a little circle. 

“I can’t believe it’s almost time, I’m so nervous,” Hannah jumped up and down in her spot on the stage before calming down, “But also excited. Oh! I’m nerva-cited!” 

“Hannah, what did we tell you about making up new words?” Toya teased as he poked her side. 

“With these next two weeks, I think we should try to hunker down and try to get rid of any missteps we keep doing,” Kasey suggested. “This is a huge opportunity to show the country, no, the world what we can do and it could open up so many doors for us!”

I nodded along with Kasey, agreeing with everything she was saying. It was the home stretch now, We wouldn’t just be representing ourselves, but the dance studio as a whole. If I learned anything from my time at boot camp, first impressions like these could be a huge deal, and could make or break your career if you weren’t careful. 

As Kasey talked more about her plan, I felt my wrist vibrator as I glanced down to see a new message pop up on my gizmo. I tapped the screen to see a message from Miguel. I smiled at the mere mention of his name. 

“How’s practice going? Are you free to come by HQ later?” - Miguel

“For you? Always ;)” - Lisa 

“Cute. Unfortunately it’s for work rather than pleasure,” - Miguel 

“Hasn’t stopped me before,” - Lisa

“I would hope not, nor should it, te burlas ;)” - Miguel - you tease 

“Gabriel and I have been working on fixing you a new suit. It’s ready, just needs a test drive,” - Miguel 

Thank goodness. I was wondering when and how I’d be able to get a new set of threads. 

“Earth to Lisa?” Kasey’s voice suddenly caught my ear as I glanced up, noticing everyone stare at me. “All good?”

My cheeks flushed from embarrassment as I lowered my wrist back down to my side. “Sorry, Miguel was just checking in with me, that’s all,”

Kasey offered me a reassuring glance as she crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s totally fine, girlie, I know we’ve stuck around a little longer than planned, but maybe we should make it the new normal for the next few days. As our fearless leader, shouldn’t you be setting a good example for your teammates and try to stay focused?”

My cheeks turned darker as I rubbed the back of my neck, “You’re right, my bad,” 

“So then, anything we can improve on?” Touga asked, glancing over at me. 

“Well overall we’re all making great progress, but I did notice some tweaks to make here and there, specifically you and Toya’s duet portion,” I explained, glancing over to Hannah. “Can you bring the music back up to that part of the song please?”

“Sure!” Hannah smiled. 

She grabbed the music player as Kasey sat back with me while Toya and Touga returned to their original positions, getting into their opening stances. Hannah pressed play, and the boys let their bodies be moved by the music, their limbs almost flowing like the wind. 

“Uh, wakin' up, feelin' like the thankful one

Count up my ones, lacin' up my favorite 1's

One of a kind, one of one, the only one

Got one shot and one chance to take it once~”  

“Better, but you’re coming in a little fast on that last push,” I coached them, crouching down to squat on my thighs to get a better angle and view of their steps. “Don’t rush it, just ease into it,”

I watched them as they backed up to their original positions, starting the dance again. Kasey and I bopped our heads to the beat of the music. We watched the boys dance and when they arrived at the cliffhanger, they followed my directions and nailed the ending to their duet flawlessly. 

The girls and I cheered them on as they continued to move with that momentum, dancing to the rest of the verse with wide smiles on their faces. 

“Yeah, now you got it!” I cheered. 

“Kiss my mama on the forehead, 'fore I get the code red

'Cause I was born, bred to go in, toast red

And swing by four-ten, beef patty, cornbread

In the concrete jungle, where my home is!”

As Hannah jumped in to join them to rehearse her part, I glanced back at my gizmo, quickly typing in my reply to Miguel. 

“I’ll be there! How would I test drive it?” - Lisa 

“I had an idea in mind,” - Miguel 

“Are you going to tease me about my autocorrect typo again?” - Lisa 

“No, no, I promise, Mona,” - Miguel

“Another round in the arena? I have been meaning to try some new routines,” - Lisa

“As much as I would love that and more, I had something else in mind for tonight,” - Miguel 

“You’ve shown me your dimension’s New York. So. . . why don’t I show you my Nueva York?” - Miguel 

A chance to finally see Nueva York up close and personal. Not just through the windows or hangar bays of HQ or the birds eye view from Miguel’s private balcony. I’d get the chance to explore the city. 

Suit up and swing through the city~ 

“I would be delighted for you to show me,” - Lisa 

///////

Earth - 928

A portal opened in an alleyway deep within Downtown Nueva York. Dmitri emerged through the gateway, his muscles tensing as he adjusted his posture, managed his breathing. He looked around, checking his surroundings. He wasn’t in New York of Earth - 1997 anymore. 

Dmitri glanced down at the device wrapped around his neck. He was still getting used to it, adjusting to its tight embrace on his skin. But. . . Dr. Octavious’ upgrade to the collar worked. 

He adjusted the cuffs of his navy blue suit, calming his nerves. “I’m in,”

“Vital signs are normal,” Dr. Octavious spoke through Dmitri’s earpiece. “The test jump was a success,” 

“Now we can proceed with Phase 2,” Harry’s voice sang with approval. “Do you remember where to find him?”

“Da, I can recall from my time here,” Chameleon nodded, “It will be easy,” - yes 

“Report to me once you’ve secured the deal, then we’ll bring you back,” Harry ordered. 

“Yes sir,” Dmitri purred as he began walking. 

Dmitri didn’t bother disguising himself. He mixed in well with the other strangely dressed civilians and lunatics in this part of town. No one even batted an eye at him as he walked, sneaking in a quick smoke of a cigarette. 

Sure it may be illegal in this dimension, but then again Chameleon always had an issue with authority.

After walking for a while, he found his destination. It was an old warehouse on the outskirts of downtown. At a glance, one would think it was abandoned with the broken windows, and the graffiti covered walls. With one whiff of his nose, Dmitri caught the scent of blood. 

This was the place. 

Dmitri approached the garage door and opened it swiftly, inviting himself inside. He managed maybe two steps into the building before there were shouts and screams as bulky, muscled men dressed as Asgardians swarmed him, aiming guns and spears at him. Dmitri stopped moving, complying with their threats to keep still; For now. 

Someone emerged from a side room and the stench of blood intensified. The man, dressed in a metal helmet that resembled some sort of bird, wiped a red gushy liquid from his mouth with his sleeve. Dmitri glanced down at his blue jumpsuit, a yellow vulture insignia on the chest of low hanging tank top and metal wings clamped to his arms. 

This was his guy. 

“Who do you think you are? You just simply walk into my domain?” The gang leader demanded. “You got a death wish, pal?”

“The Vulture, I presume?” Dmitri raised a brow as he kept his hands up above his head. 

The man known as The Vulture stopped in his tracks, his lips curled into a snarl. “Who the shock are you? The Public Eye?”

“A friend. Call me Chameleon,” Dmitri introduced himself as he reached down into his jacket pocket and pulled out a collar. “I possess the means to help you with your. . . problem with Spider-Man,” 

The Vulture’s gaze hardened as he studied Dmitri and the device in his hand. He waved his hand, signaling his goons. They all lowered their weapons, backing away from Dmitri. 

“You have my attention, Chameleon, pray you keep it,” The Vulture purred. “Else you’ll end up as my next meal,”

“Speaking of next meal, perhaps we could discuss this over dinner?” Chameleon grinned as he glanced over to the room the Vulture had emerged from. “I’m feeling quite famished myself. 

It looked like a meat storage locker. But the meat that dangled on the hooks didn’t belong to pigs or cows. Chameleon met Vulture’s stare, his eyes inviting. 

Vulture’s eyes widened, his lips curling into a smile, “Ah, a fellow connoisseur?”

“My work involves blood specifically, yes,” Dmitri nodded as he began to approach Vulture who led the way back to the locker. 

“What work would that be?” Vulture asked him. 

“Give me a sample, and I will show you why they call me Chameleon,” Dmitri snickered.

////////

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[misty720]

That's my husband - Ch7:

Monday morning and no alarm sounds to wake the dead was what Chara looked forward to every week. Papyrus still rose early to jog, shower, wake the kids, and make breakfast. Chara still took the horde to school except Papyrus woke her instead of the annoying buzzer from the clock. However, this morning he started with waking his woman with a kiss on the back of her neck and then her shoulder feeling challenged after Sunday's failed advance. Chara squirmed against him as she began coming to and rolled over to wrap her arms around him. He gave her a sweet kiss which she returned and rolled him over her. As if on cue, a knock echoed from the bedroom door and a scruffy little voice called, "Momma, Papa! We're ready for breakfast!"

"NO ONE'S HERE BY THOSE NAMES!" Papyrus answered receiving a light chastising smack on his arm from Chara.

"Go jog. I'll throw some pasteries in the oven and scramble some eggs. I can do that much," she fussed playfully. Her husband just laughed and kissed her before standing up to stretch. "Good morning, Kabel," Chara exited and pat her troublemaker on the top of his head. "How about I make you kids some cinnamon rolls, scrambled eggs, and cut some fruit?"

"Did we do something bad?" he asked following her heels down the stairs.

"No, not at all. Why do you ask, my love?"

"Then why are you punishing us with breakfast?"

"KABEL SKELETON, APOLOGIZE TO YOUR MOTHER," Papyrus scolded him leaving the bedroom to go for a run. "I EAT HER COOKING TOO, AND YOU DON'T HEAR ME COMPLAIN."

Chara inhaled slowly and pinched the bridge of her nose. 'That... that's my husband alright...' she thought to herself knowing he didn't mean it how it came off.

"Sorry, Momma..." Kabel obeyed.

"It's alright, sweetie. Just be careful about things you say to others. Think first and ask yourself if it would make you feel bad hearing someone else saying it to you. A lot of times, the answer is correct, but not always. What's funny to one person might be hurtful to another. Everyone is different, my love." After breakfast, Papyrus rode with them so he and Chara could run some errands while out. "Pap, you know you could have stayed home and rested. I know you're tired," she made conversation.

"NONSENSE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL NEVER TIRE WHEN THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE! BESIDES, I LIKE BEING THE PASSENGER FOR ONCE," he joked.

Chara just smiled, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. 'That is also my husband...' she mused.

"WHERE ARE WE GOING AGAIN??"

"Well, we need groceries for one. I just used the last of the eggs and milk. I thought we might pick you up a new pair of work shoes since yours are starting to break down, the car needs an oil change, and I need to make a payment on your business loan. I also thought we could grab lunch before picking up trouble and minion."

"CAN'T YOU JUST MAIL THE PAYMENT IN OR PAY IT ONLINE??"

"Nope! Processing fees are worse than the gas burned to bring in cash when it's right next to the shopping center where we'll be anyway."

"AND THAT IS WHY YOU HANDLE THE BUDGET. I WOULD JUST PAY THE FEES TO AVOID THE DRIVE TO TOWN."

"We don't have a safety net in the bank by paying excess fees and spending frivolously, Pap. Those extra fees versus gas spent is only a couple hundred a year but it adds up when applied to everything. A couple hundred here and there adds up quick."

"TRUE, BUT TIME IS A MORE PRECIOUS RESOURCE THAN MONEY AND I CAN ALWAYS MAKE MORE MONEY. WE AREN'T MAKING ANYMORE- WHAT??"

"Are you really about to say 'time'? To the person who was given a way to manipulate time by Gaster?" Papyrus grinned and shrugged.

The first order of business for Chara was the oil change where they were stranded at the shop for an unpredictable amount of time. As she handed the guy behind the counter the key for the transaction, Papyrus told him in jest, "DON'T FORGET TO TOP OFF THE BLINKER FLUID, ALRIGHT. NYEH HEH!"

"Funny, sir... I see what you did there..." the guy replied unamused tagging the key.

'Oh dear stars, that is my husband!' Chara screamed internally and palmed her face in a vain attempt to hide herself cringing at his joke. After receiving the key back, their next stop would be to drop off the payment and spend an hour or so in the store as he went through every pair of shoes available to find the absolute best fitting pair. She had given up rushing him a long time ago. After finally deciding on the perfecg pair, they headed to the grocery store which took half the time getting through with Papyrus because he knew exactly what he needed and where to find it. Chara was the one who liked to browse and take her time deciding which new snacks to try and trying to remember which foods the children randomly decided they suddenly liked or didn't like.

"I'M GOING TO GRAB ALL THE PRODUCE WE NEED WHILE YOU LOOK. SEND ME THAT PART OF THE LIST AND I'LL GRAB IT AND THE MEATS. THIS WAY WE CAN GO HOME AND HAVE LUNCH BEFORE PICKING UP THE KIDS," he offered. Chara agreed and sent him a text with part of her list.

Once everything was loaded in the cart, they stood in line to check out and pay. "Ooh! Someone likes eating healthy! It's not often I see a cart with so much whole food!" the cashier exclaimed in a bubbly voice.

"WE TRY AT LEAST. BUT IT'S HARD TO GET ONE OF MY FOUR TO EAT GREEN STUFF AND IT'S NOT THE ONE YOU THINK," Papyrus cut up with the lady in a hyperbolic manner and pointed to his wife.

"Papyrus!" Chara chastised. "I am not a child so don't lump me in with them."

"Oh! This is your husband?? I would have bet money on you being a child if you hadn't said something! You look so young and adorable!" the cashier kept up her appearance.

"Um, thanks? Yes, that's my husband and he thinks he's a comedian like his brother. Pap, pay the bill and let's go. We don't want to hold the nice lady up."

"DON'T BE SALTY, LOVE. YOU MIGHT JERKY THE MEAT BEFORE WE GET HOME," Papyrus chuckled at his own joke. Chara gave him an indignant side eye taking the receipt from the lady.

"Thank you, miss. Have a good evening," Chara turned to her politely to speak before taking the cart. "Papyrus. Must you?" she hissed exiting the store.

"I WAS ONLY TEASING, DEAR. YOU GET SO TOUCHY OVER BEING THOUGHT OF AS A CHILD SOMETIMES," the tall monster scratched his crown as he put the bags in the trunk.

"Pap, we've been over this so many times. I'm not a child. I'm your wife and people mistake me for your child so damn often if I'm not dressed to the nines. It's frustrating only being seen as an adult through your validation if I'm with you because no one takes me seriously..."

"JOIN THE CLUB, HONEY. NO ONE TOOK ME SERIOUSLY AS AN ADULT UNTIL I BECAME A FATHER. I GET IT. IT SUCKS BEING SEEN AS A PERPETUAL CHILD JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DIFFERENT. BUT, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE MORE ADULT THAN TO BE SO UPSET OVER A SMALL TEASE THAT MIGHT HAVE MADE SOMEONE ELSE'S LIKELY AWFUL DAY A LITTLE BETTER."

"Grr! How dare you make sense to me and appeal to my empathy." Payrus kissed her cheek climbing into the passenger side and took her free hand. She knew he was right especially about others taking him seriously as an adult. People often mistook his jovial and whimsical nature as childish and innocent, but Papyrus knew all too well the harsh and ugly truths of reality. He simply chose to not let it affect him much. He was an optimistic soul with his own little dark side only Chara was privy to. 'Yep... that's my husband for sure...' she reminded herself as they left for home.

Later that evening after homework, dinner, and nightly baths, Papyrus finished his day catching up on his favorite shows. Two tiny munchkins sat in his lap watching with him while Serif studied in his room with headphones on. Chara leaned on him half asleep from boredom. His detective dramas were not her favorite but she didn't fuss since he didn't always have time to watch them. "Papa!" Sylfae grew restless and began squirming under her blanket.

"YES, PUMPKIN?" he indulged her.

"I wanna play before bedtime! Can we build a fort?!"

"Yeah, Papa! Can we?!" Kabel joined in.

"FIND SOMETHING STURDY, GRAB ALL OF YOUR PILLOWS, AND YOUR BLANKETS," he told them.

"You are actually going to have them drag their bedding down here to set up a mess for me to clean tomorrow?" Chara gave him an unamused scowl.

"I'LL CLEAN IT UP AFTER WE PUT THEM TO BED, I PROMISE. THEY WON'T BE TINY FOREVER, DEAR." She agreed reluctantly and watched as he daughter dragged her dollhouse downstairs to make a wall. Papyrus tossed a large blanket over the back of their couch and the dollhouse to make the cover and another on top to make the back wall. Kabel stuffed the inside full of their pillows and extra blankets. It was then that Papyrus dove inside and barricaded himself in. "I, KING PAPYRUS, HAVE DECLARED THIS MY CASTLE FORT! NYEH HEHEH!!"

"Attack!!" both young ones shouted jumping through the gap where his eye sockets peeked from behind a single pillow knocking him and the blankets down.

"It's too dark!" Sylfae cried.

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE KNOCKED IT DOWN, YOU LITTLE GOBLINS!"

"Papa, I'm stuck!!" Kabel exclaimed.

"AS LONG AS YOU'RE BREATHING YOU'RE FINE, SON." He then pulled the blankets off of them and bundled them up. "WELL, NOW THAT IT'S DESTROYED, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?"

"Let's rebuild it! Then, you can read us a story under the roof," Sylfae giggled with excitement.

"YOU TWO KNOCKED IT DOWN SO YOU CAN REBUILD IT. THEN, YOU CAN DECIDE ON WHICH BOOK - WHICH ONE BOOK. IT'S ALMOST BEDTIME." The two rushed to their rooms to grab a book and argued which one was the lucky pick. "NOPE! NO QUARRELS! BRING THEM TO MOMMA AND SHE'LL DECIDE." Chara smiled at him as she draped herself over the back of the sofa.

"Kabel, this is your reading assignment for school. Nice try, but we'll go with minion's pick tonight even though it's a little above your level. This was Serif's book once right?" Chara chose. Papyrus nodded in confirmation and took the novel.

"Rats! Caught again," Kabel sighed.

"What is all the noise??" Serif asked exiting his room for a snack.

"Papa is going to read us a story in the fort we built," Sylfae answered peeking out.

"Which story?" She held up the cover to the small window to show him. "Sweet! I love that one!" Serif joined them in the spacious area making it cramped as Papyrus started reading.

"WHEN I LEFT MY OFFICE THAT BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY..." As he read the first couple of chapters, the little two dozed off soundly atop their nest of pillows and blankets. Once little snores and steady breathing could be heard, their papa marked the page and carefully removed the top sheets that served as the roof and back wall. He gently cradled his daughter and motioned for Serif to pick up his brother so they could put them in bed. "GOODNIGHT, LITTLE PUMPKIN. I LOVE YOU," he whispered kissing her forehead and tucking her in. Chara was tucking in Kabel when Papyrus entered to tell him goodnight as well. "GOODNIGHT, YOU LITTLE TROUBLEMAKER. JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER AND UNCLE ASRIEL... I LOVE YOU," he spoke softly and brushed the wild wavy strand out of his face.

"We weren't that bad..." Chara pouted.

"WE DIDN'T CALL YOU BOTH THE TROUBLE TWINS FOR NOTHING," he muttered on exit to tell his oldest goodnight. "GOODNIGHT, STINKY! I LOVE YOU TOO!" he spoke to Serif not so quietly and put him in a headlock reminiscent of how Undyne used to do.

"Dad! Come on! I'm almost big enough to take you, ya know!" Serif protested.

"OH YEAH?! YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME! I'VE BEEN FIGHTING YOU SINCE YOU WERE A LITTLE POMEGRANATE IN YOUR MOM'S BELLY! I KNOW ALL OF YOUR MOVES!"

"Alright! Fight me!" Serif laughed as he took out his dad's footing sending both of them to the floor. "You might be bigger, but I'm squirrely!"

As the two wrestled trying to pin the other, Chara warned them, "You better not wake the others up! I'm not staying up with them if you do! Serif, you can stay up since you're so full of energy."

"Not now, Momma! I've got Dad in a full nelson and Imma 'bout to make him tap. Unless he wants to keep wearing me like a backpack!"

"UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, I'M FLEXIBLE," Papyrus reminded him as he slipped out and picked Serif up wrapping him around his neck vertebrae in a backbreaker power mover.

"Gah! Dad! No fair! I can't get a grip on you because you're all bones."

"NYEH HEHEHEHEH!! Papyrus laughed all the way to Serif's room where he dumped him on his bed. "GOODNIGHT, STINKER. SLEEP WELL." He petted his son's head, but Serif stood up and wrapped his arms around him.

"Goodnight, Dad. I love you."

"I LOVE YOU TOO, SON. I LOVE YOU KIDS VERY MUCH."

Chara wore a smile that touched her eyes watching them interact. 'Now that... that's my husband,' she said to herself when Serif threw his arms around her and picked her up.

"Love you, Mom," he said hugging her.

"Oh! Serif! I love you too, sweetie, now put me down," she laughed. "I get it. You're taller than me, geeze." She kissed his temple and left for bed with Papyrus in tow.

"THREE KIDS... WHAT WERE WE THINKING?" he mused climbing into bed. "SERIF WAS A SURPRISE, KABEL WAS NOT EXPECTED STILL, AND WE PLANNED SYLFY. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE ALL THREE AND WOULD MURDER SOMEONE OVER THEM WITHOUT HESITATION BUT WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING?"

"Do I really have to answer that for you?" Chara arched a brow at him opening her book to read a little before bed. "Why? Do you regret having them??"

"OF COURSE NOT, BUT BETWEEN THREE CRUMB GOBLINS, YOU, AND WORK, I'M EXHAUSTED."

"All the more motivation to hire more help."

"FAIR. READ TO ME? I STILL LIKE IT WHEN YOU READ YOUR STORIES." He curled up and laid his skull in her lap and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Of course, my love." She started where she left off the night before reading the first passage again. As his breathing steadied, she couldn't help but think to herself, 'That's my husband, the father of my children, and the love of my life. He's such a dork.' She grinned leaning down to kiss his cheek bone and worm her way into the blankets for sleep. Feeling her shift, Papyrus squeezed her tighter and buried his face into her neck without ever waking up.

End ❤️🧡🤍🧡❤️

@papara-week

[lunarsilkscreen]

Fauxflation

On the back of my previous posts on bonds and the housing bubble and/or crisis, I'd like to describe a form of inflation happening that isn't direct inflation.

I've talked before about loan caps, and how bank debt (not to be confused with the country debt of 30trillion+ which is how we determine how much money the fed injects into the economy.) Can be used to inflate the country's debt outside of the control of the government (and thus outside the federal reserve's control).

Banks use debt as assets, they trade them like they would money, because they expect the money to be paid back. However, they are also allowed to give out loans based on the debt they control, and thus expect to be paid back. (This is part of the problem with bonds in 2008).

Banks loans money to Steve, and based on how Steve pays that loan back, the bank is then allowed to loan money to Geoff. Sometimes at the expected interest they expect to make from Steve. And if Geoff is paying back the bank regularly, the bank is able to make another loan out to a third person: Jenny.

If you're tracking; that means the bank has given out three loans based on one pool of money. Effectively tripling that original pool, until those loans are paid back. Which would both cause inflation while the loans are in circulation, and deflation should they be paid back, or even forgiven.

This should be controlled by the digital debt ceiling that the fed allows banks to loan against. *Should* being the operative word.

That's only part of the fauxflation equation.

The next part is companies, who have taken these loans, and are selling goods to end users. They borrow against interest rates and if the interest rates are high, that also compounds inflation. (More money is expected to pay back that initial loan. Thus creating an drain on the revenue of those companies.)

How do those companies make money? They charge the end user more and more. As much money as they are willing to pay. Companies have said as much: "They are willing to charge as much as the customers can afford".

The U.S. subsidizes certain products in order to keep prices down, and to account for increased demand. So that parents can feed their children. It's funny that even those products are starting to see insane price hikes. From $1.50 for a quart of milk to nearly $5 over the course of the past few years.

That's with the subsidies that they get to sell those products.

Simultaneously, corporate profits are at a record high.

Now, I'm going to take this time to explain why record profits might not *actually* be profit. Please bear with me it's stupid. I know.

Many loans have increased, or lowered fees after a certain time period of one-time payments. If companies have taken a loan out like you would on a credit card: "0% APR for 12 months, and then 30% annual after that". That means their payment of their loan is included on their revenue sheet

Some loans, like a car or house loan have a maximum interest based on the term of the loan. And your credit score is based on paying that interest back on time, not early, not late. If you have a six year loan, it's in your best interest to pay it back in six years. So that you have good credit for a better loan after that.

Any Earlier and the banks know that you won't be making them enough money to bother.

But if the company is making record profits, it might behoove them to include that in their future projections. If that APR kicks in at a higher % like on your credit card, then they have to hang onto that profit, possibly invest it (to try to keep up with the APR) because they know they'll be paying back that interest at a later date, since they won't be paying the whole thing off this year.

Basically: what happens if you only make minimum payments on your credit card?

With wage hikes, and with high interest, and with both of those causing fauxflation: you can see where the problem point in this chain is:

Whatever money is owed back to the banks

Now, why do the banks include things like APR increases in some products and not others? They believe it's an effective stick to the loan's carrot. They believe that you'll be encouraged to pay it back at that point, and they have calculations to prove it. (Remember what I said about banks creating higher loans to pay off lower loans because of housing inflation? That circle-k?)

They have a decade of data saying that their loans all got paid off.

So when it comes time that the economy can't handle their projections, because they ommitted the data where things like this happened last time. (Too long ago, who cares)

It's easy to say "we couldn't have accounted for this".

And it's plausible because who accounts for data that long ago?

[beardedmrbean]

Like you, I'm in my mid 40s and graduated in the 90s. My youngest sister is 10 years my junior. Both of us knew the deal with student loans. In my case, they weren't needed, but every student in my class, was forced to have a meeting in our junior or early senior year(I can't remember), and all sorts of paying for your education was discussed. Loans, grants, scholarships, etc and their drawbacks. My sister who went to the same school, she was forced into the same meetings as I was. She did a combination of scholarship and loans in the same local university as I went to, as our parents had split and father retired because of the divorce. She knew fully about what she had to pay back and had to think about it. Because of that she became an accountant instead of a pastry chef as she wanted to. If your school isn't going over terms and conditions of loans, why the hell aren't people going over things with their parents about this? There's no excuse as to not knowing what you had to repay and how you would earn the money to do it

Some parents don't know, especially in the mid 90's they're going to be a lot of the ones that finished college before the department of education was born and the federal student loan programs opened the door to schools jacking up rates and offering worthless degrees so they could get more students in the door that would be paying those jacked up rates.

We in the mid 80's to mid 90's range (aka Gen-X) got screwed a bit but not so bad as kids are now, the whole 'going to college is how you get a good job and a good life' thing was still pretty true, but the white collar market is flooded now and decades of disdain thrown on blue collar jobs has not only increased wages for them it's made the people doing them really old since there's not enough replacements.

Good old days of getting your GED and getting a "union" job in a factory moving boxes from one wall to the next, or bolting parts together at the local auto assembly plant went bye bye, robots killed that off.

I have my own theories about possible reasons why wage stagnation has gotten ass bad as it has, probably get me chased out of town with torches and pitchforks if I stated them terribly publicly @thepromiscuousfinger knows what it is, it's one when you think about it for a bit it might start to make sense in a weirdly obvious way.

still centers on greed, but the methodology is different

Tangent over

Ya they really had the whole school assembly thing and we had a few people who's job it was to help us navigate the world of scholarships, grants and loans.

Not sure if they do that anymore, money for that might be getting funneled in places where it's not going to do any good like DEI training for staff.

There's a few different paradox's when it comes to claims of that all being predatory and different issues dealing with how they're handed out, but in the end you signed the papers so you probably should have read them better than you did.

Also SLF does exist, brother's gonna have 1/4 million less debt in a few more years from getting his law degree, bonus of going into civil service.

Paycheque may be bigger in the private sector, but you still have that bill hanging over your head.

Really need more people to go into the trades too, 2 year program, short apprenticeship, and if you're in the right place 75 grand a year as a welder or electrician or plumber or some other job that people don't believe you have when you pull up in your fancy sports car.

[writingamarie]

not really a song prompt but just...

Jegulus (early stages of dating/not dating yet) muggle au. doing some type of domestic thing together?

Pairing: Jegulus

Prompt: muggle au/doing something domestic

Word Count: 1075

CW: none i think...

so i was just dealing with my car today and took inspiration from real life...

Regulus was holding the cord like it was a snake, in his mind it might as well have been about to bite him. He hadn’t wanted a lesson on adulthood when he called James. If he wanted a lesson he would’ve called Remus who was a much more patient teacher. He called James to get a ride.

“Reg, you’ve got to run the compressor first.”

“What’s the compressor?”

“The red tank I dragged over here, what else would be the compressor!”

“Don’t yell at me,” Regulus yelled back but it came out more like a whine.

His tire being flat had not been in his schedule for the day. He was missing his morning classes which he hated to do because they were the courses for his major and not just the gen eds he didn’t care about. When he’d called James he had just asked for a ride to campus. That was all. Instead it was an hour later and he was standing outside in the cold winter wind not absorbing any of the information James was spouting off about cars. Regulus had purposely avoided calling Sirius so he wouldn’t have to listen to a mechanic speech. 

“Just turn on the compressor.”

“Is it going to blow up?”

“Yes,” James deadpanned, “I brought over an air compressor just to blow you up.”

Regulus glared at him and flipped the red switch that he assumed was the on button. Immediately the tank burst to life and the noise had Regulus jumping back. James laughed at his fright and Regulus had the strong urge to throw something at him but the only thing on him was his phone and that was far too expensive to risk.

“You didn’t say it would be loud.”

“What’d you think it was going to do?” James asked, still laughing.

Regulus huffed and sat on the hood of his car. He hated the used piece of junk but it had been all he could afford after his parents cut him off. He hadn’t even really afforded it, Effie had given him a loan. Well, they called it a loan but really the Potters bought him a car and he paid them back a small amount each month even though he knew it was nowhere near as much as he should have been paying. Effie had offered to get him something nicer but he had already felt terrible about taking the charity.

But having no money to afford the car in the first place meant he had no money for the frequent repairs. So he relied on his brother and his friends to constantly be helping him fix the thing up so he could get from point A to point B without a problem.

“You know if you wanted we could just trade the thing in for something better.”

“Stuff it, Potter and hook the thing up to the tire so I can go.”

“Whatever you say, Reggie.”

James kissed his cheek before he smiled and walked just beyond Regulus to deal with the car.

“Don’t be cute when I’m annoyed with you.”

“Fine,” James smirked, “What should your tires be at?”

“What does that mean?”

“Jesus, Reg, look at the tire, what does it say?”

Regulus stared at the tire. There was a lot written on it. The brand, a lot of numbers that didn’t make sense to him. He’d never cared to learn these sorts of things before. It had been pointless when he lived with his parents. But the real world seemed intent on kicking him while he was down. James waved him over and pointed to some of the numbers on the tire.

“50, so when you use the gauge you want it to read as close to 50 as possible.”

“What’s the gauge?”

“You’re like a helpless kitten, you know that?”

Regulus just stuck his tongue out. Even though it was an undignified response in the argument he felt the need to do something. He knew that he had no knowledge of most real life situations. He was helpless when it came to survival because he’d never needed to worry about it before. Even on campus he was mostly taken care of. He didn’t have any real bills and all of his meals were prepared for him except for on Sundays. He had a fairly easy life, and where he struggled the Potters were always more than willing to step in and help him out.

“Just fix the tire so I can make my psych course.”

“You need to learn this stuff so you can do it alone next time,” James insisted.

“But if I don’t know how, then I have an excuse to call you,” Regulus smiled.

The easiest way to get James to do what he wanted was normally to fluster him. Just as he predicted his cheeks went pink and he immediately stopped asking Regulus questions and just started silently filling the tire up with air. It didn’t take nearly as long as Regulus thought it would and he had plenty of time to get a coffee before his class. 

“Thank you, Jamie,” he said, knowing the nickname would fluster him further.

“You know you don’t need an excuse to call me,” James said. “I kind of thought we’d moved past that when we-”

“Jamie, I just needed you to shut up and work. I’ll see you tonight.”

Regulus walked up and leaned up on his toes to press a quick kiss to James’ lips. It had only been a week since they had started… whatever it was they were doing. Regulus didn’t mind not having a label on it, but he especially didn’t mind having a more permanent excuse to call James. If he had really wanted to he could have walked to his morning classes. His worst class was only a few blocks away but he’d seen the tire and knew it was a great excuse. Sirius was the obvious choice for car troubles, but James… well Regulus knew the boy would drop anything to run to his side. He figured he could endure a little lesson about cars every once in a while if it meant James having a reason to come by so early in the morning. At least until he came up with a better reason to keep James with him all night, after all, he had found that kissing James Potter was the best start to his day.

[acrylicalchemy]

Yesterday I shared a story about taking the big leap, and it seemed to hit home for a lot of people. I wanted to follow up on that. One question I got was about how many months of savings I had at the time I took my big leap. The answer...was about one.

When I decided I was done being part of a system I was never meant to be a part of, I had almost no money or resources. That's part of the reason I decided to make the jump. How was it that after paying off my student loans 10 years early with the money I earned from my art, after never having credit cards (at all), after paying off my POS car, after living a super simple life and almost never going out, how was I struggling more than when I just got out of college? The answer was simple...We live in a broken system that wants to keep you busy by dangling a carrot in front of you. That carrot is quite literally attached to you. It will always be one step away and it's time for you to sever it.

When I poured gasoline on my bridge to the working world and set it on fire, I had almost nothing. I had no backup plan. I had no financial support coming from family or friends. I had no 401k. I didn't even have a roommate...and I live in San Diego where things are ridiculously priced. I knew I had to urgently make that decision though, because either my job was going to take my life, or I was.

Once I made my decision with absolutely no turning back, I knew it was 100% on me, and me alone, to make it work. It was sink or swim. When you have nothing though, it can be quite liberating, because what do you have to lose? I knew I would have to make sacrifices. I simplified my life. I hustled day and night. I worked around the clock. For months, I ate one solid meal a day. There were a lot of nights I went to bed hungry, but it was that hunger that fueled me...that still fuels me. So...starving artist? Sure...and damn proud of it!

I firmly believe that if I had a nest egg at that time, or outside financial support, things would not have worked out as they did. Desperation bred my success. The reason it worked out for me is because I tested my soul to the very core, and I pushed through until I passed. I firmly believe you are better off without a safety net or a backup plan, because it only leaves you with one option...forward. It's not going to be easy. Sometimes it's going to suck. You will probably have to suffer. If you're willing to go through the ****storm though, everything you want is on the other side of that suffering.

You've got this 🔥❤️🔥

[kyova]

TL;DR: Post about gradually working your way to buying better cars with cash, and on the way you realize you reached all your financial goals.

Way back in probably 2009 or so, I paid off the 2005 truck I bought new. It was the most basic model, a Ford Ranger at about $18,000, doesn’t even have power windows. It was a good truck, the payments were manageable on my pay, but the interest rate was 8.1% because I did not have great credit and needed a long loan. I *could* have bought used but I felt it was better to avoid buying someone else’s problem, as I had pretty much no cash for even moderately expensive repairs, but the payment was a manageable $202 each month.

I got a better job, put most of that extra money in savings. Figured getting rid of the 8.1% loan was a better idea, so I paid it off a bit early. Kept the truck a few more years. Figured since I was already doing without that $202 every month, I’d put it in a money market account for the next vehicle.

Fast forward a few years. I had moved the money to an investment account when the Great Recession hit and tanked my interest rate on the MMA. I invest in a few stocks, but I was too inexperienced and “hands on” and lost money the first year. I learned to invest in stable companies with dividends, picking only ten stocks and no more than two from each industry (tech, consumables, healthcare, energy, transportation, etc.), and leaving them alone. I keep putting in relatively small amounts, far less than I’d pay on a car payment. I EARN money instead of PAYING interest.

In 2014, I pay about $27,000 cash from that account for a Subaru Crosstrek. I keep that car for a decade. I continue putting money into the investment account until it reaches about $40,000, then COVID hits along with reduced work hours and I stop, figuring I have plenty to upgrade a bit and get an Outback, a little bigger than the Crosstrek and I can camp in it. I plan on keeping the Crosstrek ten years, then getting the Outback.

So for a few years I put nothing into this account, reinvesting the dividends but otherwise not paying much attention to it except to monitor my stock choices to be sure they’re still good choices. I don’t really pay much attention to the amount other than “this is probably enough to buy a new low or mid range Outback”.

My Crosstrek is now ten years old. I sell it Monday after fixing some major issues (had some bad service from independent shops, plus admittedly some neglect on my end). I get $10,000 for it because I’ve fixed all the important stuff and it has low mileage.

So I go shopping at the local Subaru dealership. I start looking at mid range Outbacks. While the salesman is looking up various models for comparisons, I log in to my investment account and FINALLY really pay attention to the total.

It was at $47,000.

I had $57,000 total to buy a car. 🤩

Buying a car is ALL this account is for. Other expenses are covered by similar tactics of saving. I *could* buy something cheaper. I *could* save that money for something else. But all other expenses were covered and I thought to myself “OMG…I can buy anything on this lot. WITH CASH! ANYTHING!”

So, since I wanted it for camping anyway, I fulfill a dream I’ve had since Subaru started building the Wilderness Outback.

I bought one. A pretty green one. With cash.

Nearly $48,000 in cash for a beautiful green Wilderness Outback with a moonroof and all sorts of other goodies.

Y’ALL.

I’ve been debt free for well over a decade. It’s nice to not have to worry about debt. It’s nice knowing I have a good retirement on the way, house is paid off, I can get healthcare from my company in retirement for pretty cheap, I have a hybrid policy for long term care should I need it.

Some of it’s been luck. Being in the right place at the right time, able to take advantage of an opportunity, no major healthcare issues yet, a stable, secure job.

But I never felt like I made it until this past Monday, when I was able to go to a new car dealership, buy EXACTLY what I wanted with no worry over money, and ask if they would take a personal check for nearly $48,000. 😁

As a young adult, I thought I’d never be able to buy even a good used car with all cash. I thought homeownership was far out of my reach. And I thought saving enough for retirement and the traveling is always dreamed of was just that, just a dream.

After moving to Indiana in 2004 to basically start over with nothing but $2000 and an old truck, nearly 25 years of living under my means, saving for retirement, and gradually building myself up to live the way I want in retirement, I feel like I finally “made it”.

I love her. We’re going to go on adventures. I’m naming her Pickles, because I have pickle buckets from Firehouse Subs in the garage and that’s what it smells like. New car, with a side of pickles and no debt.

[wanderingsoul]

money and love

i recently saw a podcast clip talking about how we often feel the same about money as we do relationships. if we’re in a scarcity mindset, its most likely affecting these two areas of our lives in similar ways. 

my first reaction was to balk at the comparison, knowing that money stresses me out beyond belief and feeling that i’ve “hacked” relationships at this point and they don’t really cause me a lot of anxiety anymore. mostly due to an extreme amount of self-evaluation and need to have everything packed away neatly, but i digress. 

ever since i was young, i felt money was something that i always craved but never had enough of. my family grew up poor, and so there was no room for extras or fancy things. my mom says i was cursed with expensive taste, and i actually agree with her. i am drawn to designer clothes and shoes, expensive events and hobbies and really a luxury lifestyle. i started working when i was 13 years old, and from the get-go, i never got into the practice of saving. anything that i made babysitting would be spent at the mall or online within a few weeks or months. my parents would force me to donate money to our church, or a charity every month but that was the only time the money i made was not mine to use entirely. once the pattern was created, it has stayed fairly consistent over the past 10 years, with increasing paychecks, and increasing spending. i’ve paid almost every bill ive had early, and was able to save enough to buy a few cars, and a house, so you would think i would have some sense of security in that. or security in my job, where i make more than the median household income in america. but somehow its never enough. every check is spent paying off student loans and my credit card debt, which is from the last check where i spent more than i made. and i am fully stuck in the cycle. it feels like for years now, at least 1-2 years, that has been my life. bi-weekly stress of paying off bills and loans, and over-drafting my account several times a year. you would think at some point, i would start saying no, learn some impulse control and stop buying things. and some months i do, but most months i don’t. so lets look at the mindset i have when it comes to money, which is “it comes and goes easily”. i say this often mostly joking but truly do feel this way. i am able to make much more than i ever though possible, and am able to afford things and experiences i never thought possible. i hardly every say no to things regardless of the cost because i know i will be able to manage it. i still manage to pay my credit cards off every month so in my mind i am fine. i still stress every single paycheck, every month about money, but also am having the most fun of my life. 

when it comes to relationships, i can see some sort of patterns in my early experiences. i really did not have any notable relationships until college, and felt that attention was not something that i got very often. i had been single for a very long time, and did’t care to compete to date someone like most everyone else did. so when i did attach, i would become a bit obsessive. i would think about them all the time, want to spend every waking moment with them, and for the first notable partners, they did not feel the same. but as i’ve matured and expanded my dating pool, i have come to realize that i am the commodity. i am the prize and i can put in fairly minimal effort to get the attention i want. however, the attention that i get is never from someone that i see as an equal, or someone i would consider as a serious partner; it often comes from lonely guys looking for a good time. my mindset is a bit more protective of myself when it comes to dating, i am not going to invest my time in something i know won’t lead to where i want, and when i do invest time into someone, its at my pace, on my timeline, when works for me. i do not chase love, and i truly believe what is meant for me will be for me. 

after looking at both areas of my life, i realize that i do have some sort of trust in the universe that i will be taken care of, and i will be able to do achieve all my dreams. but for some reason, that peace doesn’t carry over as easily into money as it does in relationships, even though the stability i have in money is arguably much more than in relationships. i think with money i feel out of control and irresponsible, whereas in relationships i almost always feel in control. i would like to shift my thinking about money away from the scarcity mindset into one of abundance. 

[wordsbyt]

Why am I thankful?

With a week to go before Thanksgiving, here’s what I’m thankful for. What I wasn’t given....

When I think about it, I ask myself why I am thankful?

I am, but not because of all I have been given. That’s been a lot, but I am also thankful for what I wasn’t given.

For not being given everything I wanted as a kid. I learned early on to enjoy the simple things. The small gifts and pleasures. That a bag of chips was a big deal. People singing in your backyard was better than anything you could watch on 1000 TV channels, besides, there was only 3 then....

For not being given the gift of being a great looking guy. Learning that doors don’t open just because I was standing in front of them. I had to knock. I had to use my wits to get what I needed, and it made me earn my way.

For not getting a loan co-signed to pay for my 1st car ( a truck ). So I didn’t get that car ( a truck ). I got a bicycle. And I rode the wheels off of it. And when I did get my truck, I took care of it like it was a girlfriend. I appreciated what she could do for me, and I showed her love.

For my girl, now my wife, saying no to me when I asked her out. I was determined to make her mine and I never gave up. And I never quit asking. I wore her out, and 40 years later, she is still tired of me.

For having to raise my kids with very little help. And by that I mean not with the help of babysitters because I am boring and don’t go out very often. So we bonded in a way that made us friends as well as family. I taught them bad songs, bad jokes, and bad language. And it was all in good fun.

For not being able to go to college because I had no money. So I had to go to work. I went to a motorcycle shop, because a friend told me “ they’ll hire anybody “, and 10 years later I was the manager of the dealership, without ever getting a M/C license. Hell, I never even knew anyone that owned a motorcycle prior to that job.

For not being the best at art. I have the ability to draw things that I see. But, I was always told someone was better, or why don’t you do this or that. Then I learned, I am the artist. It is my paper. I own it. And so I was determined to show that I was good. Good enough. And I found out I am.

For my coaching, which I never felt I was really good at. But, I feel like I was really good at reading people. At figuring out what moved them. At helping them get better mentally as well as physically. That showing them my weak sides made them see that it was okay to have small setbacks. The goals are long term. To see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. To realize that dreams can come true.

For a family that kept me grounded. We never had “things”, but we had enough. We never got what we wanted, but we never wanted because we had everything. I learned early on that a bowl of bean soup at the table with about 10 friends and your mom could beat out any club. That a picnic table in the backyard or the side lot under a tree, could attract more people than any concert or black Friday giveaway. That a dad that can fix a washing machine or a water heater is a lot better than a dad that can buy you one. That a mom that laughs so loud with her sisters at your Mammaws, is sweeter than any dessert. That sisters are there when you almost die, and when you live your greatest moments.

So, yes I am grateful.

Grateful for everything I have been given, because by not giving me everything, they all have given me everything I am.