#id rather make it easier 4 myself actually.

[29121996]

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[riallasheng]

Good day, Sheng I hope you've had a lovely day!

I was curious to know if you had any information on what the TB TOS boys studied and specialized in? Were they awarded with anything?

Hello my lovely anon! I apologize for the delay, but I was out visiting friends until late yesterday. ^^ I'm home again, which means I can dig through my novels and comics to answer this as best I am able!

Of the various sources, the official bios (there's at least 3 versions there of), the TV21 comics, and the Fleetway comics are the ones that are most likely to give the answers. There are also bits and bobs scattered around the various canon sources. Overall, I'm pulling mostly from the Fleetway for this, as it actually went the most into depth for what you're asking and while Fleetway / complete Thunderbirds Story DOES have some continuity / canonicity issues the education and specializations parts overall are solid.

Going in my preferred age order (because there's actually more than one XD )

This got long, so readmore deployed! ^^

Scott:

Given the ages involved, Scott skipped grades to one degree or another, because he seems to have graduated high school at 16-17 rather than 18. (Spoiler Warning: Gordon is the only Tracy that didn't skip grades. TinTin and Brains skip grades too, although Penny did not)

Scott seemingly went to a 'normal' college / university for ~2 years (Fleetway puts it as Tracy University, where Scott specialized in astronautics and got his astronaut wings, which at minimum DOES explain where / when Scott GOT his astronaut wings, which he DOES canonically have as all his official bios mention he is a trained astronaut and he is one of Three's canon pilots with a fair amount of knowledge / skill in space) as he doesn't start Yale until 18

At 18, Scott went to Yale for 2-3 years and finished his formal education at Oxford for 1-2 years (these numbers bounce around a bit in the various bios/mentions - though it being ~4 years in total is constant across all of them) and graduated top of his class - though not valedictorian or salutatorian, simply in the top 10 / top 5 - specializing in aeronautics / aeronautic engineering, mathematics, and navigation. We know he does have SOME education / degree in engineering as he the one that helps in designing / engineering / etc alongside Virgil. We also know he was heavily involved in the design of Thunderbird 1 and 2, with some refs to him being the primary designer on One. Scott definitely has a Bachelors and might have a Masters in one / two / all of his three degrees, but there's no indication that he has a Doctorate in anything. He seems to have had aeronautics / aeronautic engineering as his primary.

All of Scott's bios state that he served in the Air Force right out of College (so he would have joined at 22 to 23 years of age, then would have served 4-6 years). He was an officer, rather than enlisted, although his stated final rank ranges between Captain (of-3) to Colonel (of-6) so you likely can go with what you please there, although Scott IS referred to as a 'commanding officer' in the Air Force, which usually means Major (of-4), Lieutenant Colonel (of-5), or Colonel (of-6) though. We've no idea what his callsign would have been, though some fanon ones I've seen are Flyboy, Ace, Scooter, Falcon and Eagle. I use Mercury myself (Mercury Seven, and it refs his speed AND 'silver tongue'/communication skills)

There's multiple references to Scott serving in 'the War', although what War that is is VERY vague and hard to pinpoint. (Oddly, Fleetway using the 2020s timeline DOES make IDing the war in question easier... With Scott serving in his 20s, that would make the war in Fleetway the Global Conflict / WW3, which took place ~2010 and was how the Global Government / World Government formed.) For the most common 2060s timeline, it's really unclear what 'war' Scott would have been fighting in in the 2050s. outside of the confusion of 'what war', Scott was at minimum an 'ace' (5 kills in aerial combat / dogfighting), might have been an 'ace ace' (25+ kills) although that one MIGHT be a misprint where the word ace was accidently doubled, and there is a passing reference in either the novels or comics (I forget which ^^;; ) to him being 'War Ace', which is a title awarded to the 'best pilot / most skilled ace' in a war. So 'War Ace' is a potential accomplishment for him

He is officially a 'test pilot', and can fly pretty much anything / everything. It's mentioned he CAN fly the Tiger Moth so he can mange bi-planes, he apparently flew a stunt plane (so propeller), he's helicopter (and apparently helijet) certified, and he's flown a wide array of jets, rocket-planes, and space craft. (He has a pilot's license, helicopter / helijet license, and astropilot license). He has a Class-D (standard driver's) license, and he apparently knows how to drive a motorcycle so a Class-M license too. He might have a Class-B (farming equipment) license, and would have had a military license that functioned as a CBL (commercial) Class A/B/C license and might have gone through the work to get that again as a civilian. We do see Scott driving heavy equipment and the like when not 'IR' so he might have the commercial license. He has a non-commercial boating license, and miiiiight have a civilian submarine-craft license. Seems to have a diving license. Definitely has a sky-diving and paragliding license.

Scott somehow was given the Medal of Valor and quite possibly Medal of Honor as well. both are EXTREMLY difficult to achieve medals, almost always only given out in wartime, and we never are told what he did to achieve them

Scott retired in his 'late 20s' (probably around 28) 'with honors', which would mean an Honorable Discharge. That's right about when IR would be in the final set up stages / Tracy Island buildings and silos being built and the like.

It's strongly implied in the comics that Scott was a POW at some point, but nothing officially states it flat out. There's a vague refence to him having been shot down at some point in the comics as well. These have lead to the widespread fanon that Scott was a POW, usually in Bereznik. If this is the case, Scott would have a Purple Heart Medal and a Prisoner of War Medal. It also would explain why no one finds it odd that he retired as young / early as he did.

John:

Rather like Scott, John seems to have skipped grades, as he graduates High School at ~15 years of age (there's a VAGUE hint in TV21 that it might have been as low as 14. It's also implied to have been that low in Fleetway because John is only around 21 when he starts at Tracy University, AFTER finishing 6 years at Harvard).

While John has always been deeply interested in manned space flight and the heavens in general, his real passion (and career) is canonically in communications.

John starts attending Harvard University, and graduates as Valedictorian (he's top of his class, but there's a mention to him giving a speech at his graduation, which usually goes to Valedictorian) getting his degree in electronics and laser communications / communications in general. Since he wrote a thesis, he must have gotten a doctorate in ONE of these fields (likely communications)

John was HEAVILY involved in the design / building of IRs communications gear and might even have been the lead in it. both the 'listening in' and the 'communicating between each other' parts. He also seemingly was very heavily involved in the designing of TB5

He created a laser communications device that was 'revolutionary' and won him awards and accolades. (An achievement that was later stolen by Lt. Green in his bio... Spectrum bios had a VERY bad habit of stealing accomplishments of previously existing characters. In further example, Green also stole 'best communications officer / specialist WASP has ever had' from Phones, Harmony stole 'best pilot alive' from Scott, Grey stole 'back messed up and 4 months in hospital after a sub/high speed boat crash from Gordon AND 'first captain of the Stingray' from Troy, and Rhapsody stole quite a few of Penny's spy achievements)

John also located a previously unknown quasar, which became known as the Tracy Quasar System.

He's published at minimum 4 astronomy and outer-space textbooks, and at least 1 book on communications

After getting a doctorate in ~6 years at Harvard at 20-21 years of age, John then got his astronaut wings / became an astronaut. Fleetway puts him at Tracy University for this as well. (He might have been Valedictorian again, as he's referred to as being such for his astronaut training in... Countdown? I legit forget where the ref is. There's an implication that John was Valedictorian more than once, basically). All of the Tracys are genius level smart, but John seems to be the brightest star of them all

John worked on a civilian (or at least non-military) space station / space program for at least a few years. What group and station is debatable. It could be NASA, the World Space Program, etc. He further could have been on the International Space Station, Freedom Station, etc. The only things off the table are military groups, and he CAN'T have served in the World Space Patrol (Fireball XL5)

John has his pilot's license and space-pilot / astropilot license. He likely has a rocket-plane license (ie: a atmospheric craft that can escape the atmosphere and is space capable). He MIGHT have a helijet license, but he doesn't have a helicopter license. He has a Class-D (standard driver's) license, and he apparently knows how to drive a motorcycle so a Class-M license too. He might have a Class-B (farming equipment) license. He has a non-commerical boating license, and miiiiight have a civilian submarine-craft license. Seems to have diving license. Might have a sky-diving and paragliding license.

John also is a highly skilled athlete, having achieved many awards and records. We only know about him being involved in running, but WHAT KIND of running varies between sprinting (rare), long-distance (more commonly reffed) and cross-country (most commonly reffed), or trail or obstacle course (middling)

I'm not sure how John left his space career / stopped working on the space station without attracting attention, oddly he's the ONLY one that doesn't have an easy excuse for joining IR! Scott apparently had SOMETHING happen that gave him an honorable discharge and had no one questioning him retiring from the Air Force, Virgil apparently intended to work as an engineer FOR Jeff's company once he graduated, Gordon had the hydrofoil crash and an Honorable or Medical Discharge from WASP, and Alan was only 19 and hadn't really STARTED a career. TinTin either was just finishing her University education and/or like Virgil was working for Jeff's company as an engineer. Brains started working for Jeff at his company while Brains was still in college. John's the only one with a career outside of Jeff's company that DOESN'T have a coinvent 'stop working there' excuse.

Virgil:

continuing the running theme, Virgil seems to have skipped grades - more than Scott did, but less than John, graduating High School at 15-16.

Virgil started higher education at 16 at Denver School for Advanced Technology, but he's sometimes put in Yale or another Tech school. What his degree was varies. Fleetway has it as 'Advanced Technology', but he's also had Engineering / Nuclear Engineering listed in his official bios. He usually took art classes and music classes, and sometimes he has a degree in art or music mentioned, so he likely minored in art and/or music alongside his Advanced Technology / engineering major. He seems to have graduated at 20-21 with a Masters in Tech/Engineering and a Bachelors in art/music. There's no refences at all to him having a doctorate (only John and Brains have that), and while he seems to have been 'top of his class', there's no indication he was Valedictorian or Salutatorian. So, like Scott he would have been in the top 10 or top 5, but not the number 1 or 2 slots.

Fleetway claims that Virgil was on the Denver Football team and was a good player on it, but that is the only reference to it or sports in general. Something to remember is that Virgil is actually NOT the heaviest / buffiest in build of the brothers in TOS. He's well built, but Scott and Alan are both heavier /buffer in build than he is, as is his father. Virgil isn't LEAN, but he'd be a Middleweight, built sort of like Tony or tom Cruise or the like. Muscled, but not a brick house. Scott is consistantly referred to as 'powerful' in build, and is drawn as heavier / bulkier in muscles than Virgil. Heavyweight class or something like the traditional 'superman' build like Cavill or the like. Alan and Jeff are a bit more powerful / bulky in build than Scott, so upper end of the Heavyweight. Not modern day Body builder / the Hulk bulk, but say Hulk Hogan, Dwayne Johnson, Arnold in Terminator / Predator type build. Gordon is about Virgil's build / a swimmer's build. John is lean /lithe but not lanky. Built like a runner.

Virgil HAS sold art and had it on display at galleries, possibly even at a museum or two, which is quite the accomplishment. He's also played music semi-professionally, although I can't find or recall an refences to him winning awards or contests in music.

Like John, Virgil got his astronaut wings / went to a second school after his primary (Fleetway again puts this as Tracy University) and he seems to have gone to this second school when he was ~21. Fleetway has a fun incident where, while at Tracy U, he used his advanced technology degree to service a faulty space capsule during a training space-flight.

So far as I can tell, Virgil's plan was to graduate and work for Tracy Tech / Tracy Industries / whatever version of the MULTIPLE names that Jeff's company has you'd like to use XD upon graduation. He likely DOES officially work as an engineer for his Dad's company (his brothers as well) on top of IR duties.

Given when IR got started (September of 2065) and Virgil's age AND his graduation date(s), Virgil would have been working at Jeff's company for at least a couple of years before IR got started.

He has a Class-D (standard driver's) license, but no Class-M / motorcyle that we're aware of. He ABSOLUTELY has a Class-B (farming equipment) license, and has a CBL (commercial) Class A/B/C license. We know he has a pilot's license. While he has his astronaut wings, he might not have an astropilot license, but he would at least he have a 'limited' one - equivalent of a 'student driver' where he can be a co-pilot but not a solo. He has a helicopter and helijet license. Seems to have both a commerical and non-commerical boating license. Seems to have a civilian submarine craft license. Might have a diving license. Probably has a skydiving and paragliding license.

Gordon:

Only one of the brothers NOT to skip grades, as he goes straight from High School to WASP Academy at ~18.

Gordon was showing skill in swimming at only 3 years of age, and joined a professional swim team as early as possible (13 or so, though he would have been on school swim teams / training prior to that)

Gordon was one of, if not the, fastest freestyle swimmers in his prime. We know he won Gold in the Olympics for the Butterfly Stroke at 16 (Considering his birthyear, he might actually have been 17 given the years the Olympics fall on). We know he also got other awards / medals, but we can take it as fact that his only Olympic Gold was this. He might have gotten Silver and Bronze in other races. However given the 4 year gaps, this would have been the ONLY Olympics Gordon took part in - he would have been too young for the previous, and the ones after would be either after his hyrdofoil accident or IR.

Gordon went from high school straight into WASP. He probably was 18, buuuuuuuut there are hints that Gordon might have served in whatever War Scott and Phones and Troy and others in that age group fought in, so Gordon MIGHT have been able to sign up for WASP at 17 and basically before he graduated high school. To quickly explain, while you can sign up for the military at 17 with a guardian's permission for most branches… submarine service (and thus WASP) is not one of them, as it's strictly volunteer and 18+. You have to VOLUNTEER to be on a sub, and outside of wartimes you must be 18 or older. Thus IF, and only if, there was a 'War' on, Gordon could have joined WASP at 17.

Gordon was put in command of a bathyscape, which means he was an officer. You usually have to be 19 to become an officer / begin officer training BUT you can start at 18 during wartimes so... Gordon would have started his officer training at 18-19 and become an officer at 19-20. We've no mention of what rank Gordon was at his retirement, but to command a submarine, even a bathyscape, he has to have been a Lieutenant-Commander (of-3) minimum, but he can't have been more than a Captain (of-5) as he wasn't part of the admiralty. I make him a Commander (of-4) because I am an old geek woman and I love him having the rank level of 4 XD

While in WASP, Gordon came up with a revolutionary and unique underwater breathing apparatus... it's implied that the scuba gear we see used in Stingray are the ones that Gordon designed. Gordon later improved these for IR.

Gordon was in a high speed hyrdofoil crash (I know it says 400 mph, but I honestly would prefer it to have been going FAR slower... 400 km/h maybe XD ) that almost killed him, injured his back, and left him in a WASP hospital for 4 months (note that is his FULL TIME in the hospital, including his initial / in hospital Physical Therapy). The crash happened VERY recently, btw, like two years MAX before the pilot episode, but no less than a year and a half prior to the pilot, so it would have happened no earlier than Sept 2063 and no later than Mar 2064. A lot of fans give him lingering physical issues from this (heck I'm one of them), BUT it's important to remember that we see Gordon getting up to fairly normal physical activities in all canon material (even Fleetway where his accident is directly mentioned / shown), so he is not HEAVILY impacted by this. If he has chronic pain, it's mild for instance. If he throws his back out on occasion, it's rare and he recovers quickly, etc.

He has a military boating and submarine license, as well as a non-commercial boating license and civilian submarine-craft license. he miiiiiight have a commercial boating license, but he's never shown with commercial craft so *shrug emoji*. he ABSOLUTELY has a diving license. He has a Class-D (standard driver's) license. He might have a Class-B (farming equipment) license, and would have had a military license that functioned as a CBL (commercial) Class A/B/C license and might have gone through the work to get that again as a civilian. Likely has a piloting license, might have a helicopter and helijet license.

Alan:

Alan was interested in both car racing and space from a young age (and unlike TaG, it looks like he actually had a stronger interest in CARS than in rockets). He seems to have skipped grades, as he was in college by 15 years of age as he was far enough into his astronaut training to be in space at 16 as one of Alan's accomplishments is that he is the youngest astronaut / lunarnaut known, having been either in space OR on the moon (or at minimum he got his astronaut wings) at only 16 years of age AND he still holds the record for highest number of passes and holds the current record for graduating in record time.

It looks like Alan went first to college for his astronaut wings (Fleetway has it as Tracy University) and likely got a Bachelors, graduating at 16 years of age.

He then went to another school (Fleetway lists Colorado Tech / Denver Tech) and got a Masters at 17 (maaaaybe 18). WHAT he got it in varies wildly across canon sources though. He's got astronatical engineering, space travel, CAR engineering / design, and communications listed. So likely pick and choose as ye please. I personally go for Vehicular (car) and astronautical engineering. To be totally honest, I'd replace the Tech school with a Racing Academy and have it where Alan got a Bachelors in astronatical engineering at Tracy University at 16, and a second Bachelors in Vehicular Engineering & Design at a Racing School at 17, then went from there to join the World Space Patrol Astopilot Academy for 1-2 years before going back to his racing career for the 1-2 years before he joins IR

Alan then joined the World Astronaut Patrol Academy... aka the military branch that Fireball XL5 is part of. Alan was in the Astropilot program, but for unknown reasons in canon, he left WSP / Astropilot program before graduating when he was still 18. To solve this issue, I replaced one of the astronovices in the Fireball comic story 'The Astronovices' with Alan, as that would have given him a General or Dishonorable Discharge. Alan DOES hold the record for youngest Astronovice as he joined at ~17 or so, and he apparently was pretty likely to be one of the few to pass the grueling requirements and graduate (seriously, out of an intake of 200 potentials, less that 25 graduate for each 2-3 year training cycle).

Alan started his racing career while still in college, likely starting driving at 16-17 as it's said he's been racing for 'a few years' when he wins Pararola at 19/20. He probably paused the racing career for the 1-2 years he was in the Astronovice program, then resumed it at 18 when he left WSP (for whatever reason he DID leave). He apparently has a few wins / medals in racing under his belt and left a successful racing career to join IR, although he WAS young enough (only 19) that him deciding to join Jeff's company as a vehicle engineer who occasionally tests the vehicles the company makes likely wouldn't draw too much attention. (Alan was a 'champion' race driver and officially a car designer by the time he joined IR at 19.)

He ABSOLUTELY has a Class-D (standard driver's) license, and seemingly has a Class-M / motorcyle, and obviously has a SCCA (racing) license. He might have a Class-B (farming equipment) license, but that's debatable. We know he has a pilot's license. He might have a helicopter license, but we never once see him piloting a helicopter. He's a bit more likely to have his helijet license. He ABSOLUTELY has an astropilot license, even if he didn't get the military / Fireball craft license. Seems to have a non-commerical boating license and a civilian submarine craft license. Has a diving license. Probably has a skydiving and paragliding license. Certainly has a rocket-plane (aka astmospheric craft that can escape gravitational pull and is space capable) license.

If anyone wants, I'll do these for TinTin, Brains and Penny - I'll even try it for Jeff, Kyrano, and Grandma Tracy, although we have FAR less to go on for them

[hermannsthumb]

got any good writing advice? im really deep into writing a fic and im hitting a bit of a block rn and figured id ask to see if youve got any tips and or tricks!

ooh that'a a really good question! when I get hit with writer's block for a fic I usually

1: jump to working on a separate fic entirely, since I usually have at least 4 or 5 WIPs rotating in my brain at once like a little microwave. the change of pace can be helpful, especially if I go to a WIP that's a wildly different genre, because I can be like 'oh I wasn't out of ideas I was just in the mood to write something angsty rather than silly/the next chapter of this instead of that/etc'.

or more commonly 2: I just jump ahead in the fic itself! I realized that when i'm really stuck on a fic a majority of the time it's because of i'm stuck on the current scene in particular. when that's the case, I make a few quick notes about what I want to happen in the scene (just a quick little summary blurb, maybe a piece of dialogue I wanted to incorporate if I have it in mind) and then jump ahead to the next scene. I also sometimes do this if I have a scene i'm REALLY excited to write and don't want to rush through the rest of the fic to get to it. it works for me at least most of the time! and I feel like it makes finally going back to complete the skipped scene a little bit easier since I know what happens after, like it flows better. (this is also 100% how I write academic papers sometimes too lmfao)

I've also recently started bullet-pointing entire fics before I get into writing them which unfortunately helps a lot :/ bullet-pointing OR just writing lengthy summaries actually, it's handy not just for organization reasons but also making sure I don't forget what I want to happen for longer WIPs or WIPs I haven't worked on in a while. and doing it by hand helps even more somehow, but I think I just enjoy writing things out in cursive lmao, it feels so official

and 3: sometimes I simply do not want to write. in this case I check out a bunch of books from the library so i like remember how words are supposed to go/go to the movies/get really into designing houses in the sims 3 for like four days. I used to feel bad when I didn't get a lot of writing done but i've realized that my stuff is usually better when I don't push myself to get stuff done when i'm burnt out or stuck on something

OF COURSE these are just things that work for me, not universal rules by any means, results may vary!!! I hope this helps though!

[firstdivisiongirl]

hii can i get a male match up please for tokyo revengers :) im a she/her - sorry if theres quite a bit here D:

- i like animals especially red pandas and i also like bugs too. i also sometimes like to read both manga and actual books, i like any theme but when it comes to manga i either like shonen or stories like goodnight punpun/ a girl on the shore

im very enthusiastic towards music, i listen to any genre. i can go from heavy mental and rock, to goth, to something like lana del ray where i feel like i need to be in the rain with red wine, to calm/ smthin indie, sole crushing, and then scene. theres a whole lot more i could add. lemme also add in midwest emo.

- i cant exactly pinpoint what i dislike aside from the wind because it messes up with my hair, i swear if the wind was a solid id have it knocked down immediately. though I also tend to get annoyed by people that don't use common sense.

- my hobies incule art, i have a lot of sketchbooks and majority of my lessons are done by doodling and getting told off by my the teacher cause i dont pay attention, but i still carry on. i also like to make jewelry such as bracelets/neclases, their mainly beaded but their still cute to wear and i like to make bracelets for close people

- (just for extra info here →) im mentaly unstable and have severe attached issues as well as issues with family on every aspect. id like to get better, however i just end up going down a loop hole so i cant/dont which makes everything much harder than it needs to be.

- my energy gets drained QUICK so im mostly a listener rather than a speaker when it comes to social interactions, however i do have my days where i can be jumpy and almost euthoric and talk like my life depends on it with a lot of excitement

- also i can get sudden motivation that i end up reorganising my room, one day it'd look that then after 4 months itd look like this. i tend to do spontanious little things here and there when im in a good mood and that includes in dying/cutting my hair. also ive pierced myself 6x with thumb tacks and their all healed very nicely. i have 9 ear piercings in total.

- never was much of an academic person in school, but i tend to be smart outside of it and i find enjoyment in observing people and using my own thoughts rather than finding sources

- i wont call myself shy, maybe at first sure but as i get comfortable i can go all out and i dont mind in making the first move as long as i get the same energy back, otherwise if that energy isn't given then ill forget all about them.

- i can be extremely clingy when i want to be, i hold back in latching onto someone on a daily basis. i wanna hold someone's hand, be on their back like a bag, and just overall connect soles. im touch starved and overall I can be very affectionate physically, though I'm awful at using my words for affection.

Hello! There isn’t too much. It’s actually a good thing. That means it’s easier to pick because I know more about you. It makes the match more accurate. So let’s go!

You Got…

Izana Kurokawa!!!!!

Boy is all about loyalty and keeping those he loves around!! So you wanting to be clingy, is perfect!!!

He’s a leader so he would do all the talking for you

Very patient (we saw his like 8 year plan to take down Mikey lol) so if you are struggling with anything, he’s there for you.

Would play music for you on his guitar. I think indie rock probably.

Idk why but I also called him a human red panda. The reason his because he looks cute but is a menance like red pandas.

At home dates or concerts! I hope you like the matchup!!!

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Skating on Thin Ice - Chapter 25 - Part 4

*Warning - Adult Content*

Elijah Ellis

Nerves tickled my insides as I sat in my car in front of the club.

It was always a hassle trying to find LGBT clubs that were far enough way from home where I didn't have to worry about seeing anyone who would know who I am but close enough so I wouldn't have to drive for hours.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

I couldn't push my nerves out and the paranoia about using my fake ID wasn't making the situation any easier.

As I watched more and more people heading inside, I took a deep breath and got out of the car, slowly making my way toward the club.

It turned out I had nothing to worry about because the bouncer looked at my ID for all of three seconds before handing it back to me and allowing me inside.

The atmosphere was just as I expected, carefree and fun.

There was something about being around people like me that made me feel like a whole new version of myself.

I felt confident and unashamed.

The dance floor was packed but it didn't bother me like I thought it would.

I danced around with a few guys and made out with some of them for a while before one particular guy caught my eye.

He was talking to someone else but he looked so good while he was doing it that I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

It was then that he noticed me staring and sent a smirk my way.

Too embarrassed to walk over there, I spun around and started dancing with a guy that was standing close to me.

It was only a few minutes later when I felt someone place their hand on my arm.

When I turned around to face him, I noticed I was standing face to face with the guy who had caught me staring.

"You didn't want to come over?" he asked with that same handsome smirk on his face.

"I... um..."

"I was hoping you would," he said, his hand still on my arm.

"You looked busy," I told him, motioning my head toward the guy he was talking with earlier.

"I'm not now," he replied with a grin.

"The name's Nicholas."

"Elijah."

He moved closer to me, placing his hand on my back.

"You're really cute, Elijah."

I didn't have the chance to say anything before his lips were on mine.

The kiss was not something I would have expected from someone so attractive.

It was sloppy and tasted of alcohol.

His lips chased mine as I backed away from him.

"I'm going to go," I rushed out.

"C'mon," he said in a whiny tone, gripping my arm.

"No," I said more forcefully, ripping my arm out of his grasp and scurrying away toward the bar to sit down.

I sat down and rested my elbows on the table, placing my head in my hands.

I looked up again and noticed the guy I sat next to was staring at me with an attractive scowl on his face.

After I looked at him, he looked away and took a long sip of his drink.

The guy looked like he would rather be anywhere but here.

"Do you have to stare at me?" he snapped, turning to face me.

I scoffed.

"You seem pleasant."

"Shut up."

"Why are you here if you're just going to sit alone at the bar?" I asked in an amused tone.

"Why did you come running over here like a bat out of hell?" he countered, matching my tone.

We each shared a glare before our expressions softened.

It was then that I noticed how truly handsome this guy was.

Much better than the idiot I was with before.

"Have you been here before?" I asked him.

"Just once," he replied, taking another sip of his drink.

"Do you like it?"

"No."

"You're no fun," I told him.

He just shook his head at me.

"I'm Elijah," I introduced myself.

"Fox."

"I like that name," I complimented.

"I don't," he muttered, finishing off his drink.

"You don't seem to like anything," I said with a laugh.

I was surprised when he actually laughed at what I said.

It wasn't a full laugh, more like a small chuckle but it was something.

"If you hate it here so much, do you want to go somewhere else?" I asked, not knowing where this confidence was coming from.

I just felt like this guy wouldn't judge me.

He pondered on it for a minute before nodding.

After he paid his tab, the two of us made our way out to my car.

********

We didn't say anything as I drove out of the club parking lot.

Eventually, I fond a McDonald's drive thru and we got some ice cream before I parked in a dark parking lot away from the road.

"This is stupid," Fox said after a few moments.

"What is?" I asked, shoveling a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

"I don't even know you and I just got into your car. You could be some fucking weirdo," he said.

I laughed.

"So could you."

"True," Fox replied with a slight laugh of his own.

"I just think, both of us, don't fit into that scene," I said to which he nodded.

"It's hard finding people you fit in with, while you're still in the closet."

"Yeah," he agreed.

"It's like that's the only place I can go and I don't even like it there."

"Have you ever thought about coming out?"

"No," he immediately answered.

"I can't."

"I've been thinking about it," I said.

"I'm just so tired of living a secret life."

"If you want to do it, you should," Fox encouraged.

"Yeah, maybe I should."

We made small talk while we finished our ice cream, as a rock station played quietly on the radio.

Once we were done eating, we put the empty cups into the cup holders and rested our heads on our head rests, staring into each other's eyes.

His eyes were so inviting, I could feel myself leaning closer but I worried he would reject me.

He seemed to be contemplating in his mind before he closed the distance and our mouths met in the middle.

This kiss was so much better than the others I'd had, it was rough but still a good pace and not nearly as sloppy.

Eventually our tongues found each other as the kiss got more heated.

Fox pulled away so that he could lift his shirt off and I copied his actions before reconnecting our lips.

I brought my hands onto his chest as his caressed the sides of my neck.

My hands eventually found their way down to his jeans and slowly began to unbutton them, giving him the chance to stop me if he wanted to. 

He groaned into my mouth and brought his hands down to my jeans.

We pulled apart to take our jeans off and I motioned for him to come into the back seat with me.

We climbed over the center console and I was lying back on the seat as Fox hovered over me, kissing my jaw and my neck, eliciting sounds of pleasure from me.

Soon enough, all of our clothes were discarded and we finished what we started.

********

Driving Fox back to the club after we had finished was relatively awkward as we sat in silence the whole way there until he directed me toward his car in the parking lot.

"That was fun," I said, as I parked next to him.

"It was," he said, clearing his throat.

We stared at each other for a few moments before we were kissing again.

We must have made out for at least twenty minutes before we parted and Fox left my car to get into his.

I waited for him to drive off before I let out a long sigh and rested my head back on the headrest.

I had a feeling I would be thinking about that guy for a long time.

[kanside]

this is like a really narcissistic thought but like everyone keeps telling me that im actually rlly smart and have a lot of potential but i never take advantage of it but like .... dude i really just wing things. i dont know what 90% of my vocabulary means i just sorta guess and hope for the best and also i am incapable of focusing on anything properly!!!! so like jack of all trades master of none! i can follow instructions but also i cant, i can draw but like ehh i dont wanna improve, i can code but also like no not really i just copy others and make it better, i can do math but like you gotta guide me thru it cos when im right im insecure and when im wrong im confident LOL also i have the anxiety of .. um like .... okay i was gonna say bull because i saw a tiktok this morning of a male cow looking fucking insane and i was just thinking he looked anxious but really he was horny. i actually want to take care of cows (obvi the bulls would be meat i mean what other use, or is that animal cruelty) but like it sounds like a lot of work also i dont like seeing the process of living things turning food (its fine if they die just dont make me clean that up like id put a bullet in someones head if push comes to shove but im not gonna skin em and chop up all the tasty bits and fry up some bacon like no sirree not itnerested) and also it would be a lot of effort just milking them ALSO this morning i saw a calf get birthed on tiktok and like??? dude i dont wanna do that. why they lick their young. like i know youre just tryna help them its the wild and all that but 1. i dont wanna pull a wet juicy calf out of your va jay jay and 2. that thing is covered in goop STOP LICKING IT ill give it a bath or something.

if i look crazy i swear im not im just on my new adhd meds and the side effects are great n all (like i can focus well on stuff like work and its easier to handle my emotions - deffo still getting therapy cos meds only do 20% of the work) but there are side effects like first thing in the morning i find myself with an influx of hundreds of thoughts that need to be shared either verbally (in which i am incomprehensible because one thought overlaps another) or via text (which this blog is for!!! so i can post my silly little thoughts!!!)

speaking if which im rather pissed at the moment (see that the texts are getting broken up a nd furthrer organized that shows im chilling out) because i really enjoy playing the sims 4 (daily reminder that piracy is based but yeah i bought the base game dont sue me beause i dont have 700 dollars) but im in this annoying little middle ground where i like playing the sims 4 unmodded but it feels lacking and when i play it modded it feels overwhelming!! and like im trying to mix and match some mods i have but theres always the frustration that its just not basegame!

anyways im gonna go do something, im very tired, coming down from the ramble sesh, bye bye

[visionofhope04]

Neglected - Part 3

Batfam x Neglected!Batsis!Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (Current) Part 4 Part 5

Thank you all for your support! I’m glad you enjoy my writing! Sorry it took so long, schools a pain.

Ages: Alfred (Immortal), Bruce (48-ish), Dick (26-27), Jason (24-25), Tim (17-18), Damian (13-14), Y/N (13-14)

Prompt: You are Damian’s twin sister and have been living with them for 3 years. (CONTAINS CHILD NEGLECT AS SUGGESTED BY THE TITLE AS WELL AS SELF HATE AND INVALIDATING PERSONAL ISSUES AS WELL AS EVERYONE EXCEPT JASON INDIRECTLY ASKING FOR A PUNCH)

---

You heard a faint beeping noise beside you which started to become clearer as you came back into consciousness. You attempted to open your eyes, only to quickly snap them shut. The white light you had seen was so bright, you thought it could blind you. You heard multiple people enter your room, however, your eyes remained shut. You knew that Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick, and your father were there. They were waiting for you to open your eyes again. No matter how much you were dreading it, you eventually did after a few moments.

Eyes fully open, you noticed you were in the hospital. You looked to your left and saw Dick and Jason standing there, Dick’s expressions held anger while Jason’s held sorrow and guilt. At the foot of your bed, your father was there, expression holding pure anger and hatred. To your right, there was an angry sleep deprived Tim who looked as if he’d rather be anywhere but the hospital, and Damian looked as if he wanted to murder you himself.

“What were you thinking!” Your father said in complete rage. Not even a ‘Oh how are you?’ or ‘How are you feeling?’.

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” Sarcasm practically dripping from your voice.

“Don’t curse Y/N! You’re wasting our time! We could be doing things that are actually important! Instead, we had to worry about you and stay with you-” Bruce ranted until you cut him off.

“-so the media wouldn’t be suspicious? Oh, I’m sorry Bruce, is it my fault you got my mother pregnant with twins? Is it my fault I’m still alive? Is it my fault you don’t care about me? Is it my fault that everyone besides Jason makes me want to kill myself every day? Well then I’m sorry for being a waste of time and space but you can clearly see I tried doing something about that so I wouldn’t be such a burden anymore.”

“Stop being so full of yourself!” Dick snapped.

“Me? Me? Oh, I’m so sorry that you feel that way. I wanted this to work so I’d stop getting in the way of things. It would’ve made your lives easier. How is that being full of myself?”

This time, Damian spoke “Y/N you oaf! You could’ve died and the press would’ve bombarded us with their foolish questions! Everyone would’ve thought we had neglected you! That would’ve disgraced the Wayne name! I wish you would’ve never been born. You are nothing but a freak accident that shouldn’t have happened. You were always the second choice as I was the first. I have always, and will be better than you.”

You could hear your heart pounding. You began to tremble and started feeling weak and dizzy. You brought your dominant hand to your forehead, holding it.

“Everyone out besides Jason.” You said, voice uncharacteristically soft.

“Y/N-” Your father said in a hard tone, wanting to continue to scold you.

“Everyone out! You heard her.” Jason said. Everyone filed out of the room while Jason stayed back with you.

---

Tag list: @fake-id-69 @pepelachanel @loxbbg @what-0-life @yoongi-holland @omnivorousfangirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[hekatepoetryxxwriting]

Experiments in Writing: A Critique of Creative Work Within Queering, Feminism, and the Work of Sigmund Freud

For my creative work that I undertook in this module, I chose to focus on the idea of Queering. As well as this, I found myself influenced by the theories and works of Sigmund Freud[1], as well as using several feminist texts, both literary and theoretical, to try and establish a connection between the three ideas within my writing. Due to the essay Freud wrote on The Uncanny[2], he theories and ideas are already heavily tied to gothic literature as a whole, which made connecting him to my work a lot easier. I focused on short stories based upon fairy tales and attempted to alter the narrative of each of the original texts to suit the concept I had come up with. Based upon some of the work from lessons, I used a form of metalepsis[3]within my stories, trying to shift the perception of gender and sexuality within a gothic literate format. I was inspired to take this route by one of my favourite authors, a feminist writer called Angela Carter[4]. Her work in The Bloody Chambers and Other Stories[5] was a major source of inspiration for my work and helped me to develop my writing format and style throughout this module. I chose to focus my work on these theories as I felt that they were somewhat contradictory of one another, and I felt that the juxtaposition of these ideas would help to elevate my writing towards something outside of the usual style I worked in.

For my first creative piece, a short story titled The Wolves in the Woods, I wanted to focus mostly on several of Freud’s most infamous theories. The creative work itself was heavily inspired by a short story written by Angela Carter called The Company of Wolves[6]. I had read this story during college and found the way she addressed gender play and sexuality a fascinating plot device. Not only this, but the way that she would take fairytales that were commonly known amongst readers and adjusted the story to appeal to a wider feminist reading. I agree that a lot of fairytales have subtle sexist undertones that usually place women and men in specific boxes, and I enjoyed reading Carter’s reimagining of this.

Because of the theories I had been researching for the module, I found that writing influences like Carter were juxta-positioned with theories like Freud. One of the main theories I hoped to translate into creative work was the three agents of Freud’s idea of the psyche, often referred to as the ‘id, ego, and super-ego’[7]. As Freud explains, the id ‘contains everything that is inherited, that is present at birth, is laid down in the constitution — above all, therefore, the instincts, which originate from the somatic organization, and which find a first psychical expression here (in the id) in forms unknown to us’[8]. The ego and super-ego, on the other hand, represented the more intelligent side of humans, made of ideas like common sense and cultural norms and opinions taught to children by their parents and the society they live in. This concept of basic instinct versus the laws of society was something I could instantly connect to the gothic literature of Carter, as well as feminism and Queering due to their association with being historically against society’s idea of normal.

When I began to plot out my creative work, I realised that the entire concept of a werewolf was a literary device for man’s inner turmoil between instinct and reason, aka the id and the ego/super-ego. I attempted to flout the tropes of romance writing by presenting a werewolf who, unlike many other fictional interpretations, does not ignore the basic animalist instincts for his love interest. Rather, they compromise, accepting equal shares of idand ego, whilst completely casting aside the rules society sets, therefore ignoring the concept of the super-ego. By casting aside the rules that are hinted at through the story, the protagonist is freed, as shown by the ending of the story being ‘amongst the howls beseeching the night, was a woman’s cries of joy entering the chorus’[9].

Throughout the beginning of the story, the structure of the super-ego is important to the world-building of the setting. Another of Freud’s theories that I used for my first creative piece was the Madonna-Whore complex, which suggests that women either fit the role of the pure virginal wife, or the corrupted succubus. The implication of the theory is that women can only be one or the other, with the Madonna being the ‘preferred’ female archetype. In The Wolves in the Woods I allowed my protagonist to undergo a narrative transformation using the Queering literary device metalepsis. Judith Butler’s point on metalepsis helped to carve the character development in my work through her statement that ‘the performativity of gender revolves around this metalepsis… performativity is not a singular act, but a repetition, a ritual’[10]. Through my first creative piece, I tried to show a progression from a Madonna-like character to someone who embodies the whore, which is summed up by the end of my story in a paragraph ‘She is not the trodden women of the village, with their heads wrapped in silk, hidden from men and from the world. Now she sits upon the lap of the wolf, who stares at her with pupils blown wide, ears open and perked’ [11]and separates her from the other women, transforming her in just two sentences and completing the metalepsis.

However, this is not the only instance of metalepsis in this story. Whilst this is more of a metaphorical sense of metalepsis, the actual idea of a werewolf is a physical form of this literary device. This was another way of connecting the two characters. They both undergo some form of transformation and simultaneously must learn to adapt due to their place in the world. To make this clearer, I used repetition in the way they were described to further suggest the idea that their roles in society were different. These sentences, ‘Lycanthrope: the ability to shift, to transform, to adapt’ and ‘Woman: the ability to shift, to transform, to adapt’ were written this way because they also implied that both Lycanthrope and Woman were ‘things’ rather than people.

A major point to the majority of my stories was taking traditional gender roles within fairy tales and adjusting the narrative around them, which is one of the entire concepts behind the literary device of metalepsis. I did research on masculinity within fairy tales[12]- and gothic literature in general- and found a few feminist articles that discussed how these male characters were influenced by the masculine ideals of the time, and how it affects the narrative of the novels they appear in as a whole[13]. An essay by Alice Neikirk found evidence that ‘Rather than being a mere reflection of societal ideals, these fairytales perpetuate Christian, patriarchal concepts as a means of maintaining the gender hierarchy’[14]. I find that exploring fairytales through Freudian concepts was easy, as a lot of Freud’s theories focused on societal expectations and the way they can shape the human psyche. To an extent, fairytales, including my own, are a prose form of rules and morals set by the society who shares them, usually used as a form of control over children, mainly young girls.

Therefore, when applying psychoanalytical theories to my work, I attempted to subvert some of the typical rules set in fairytales by changing the roles of characters. An example of this is my final story, Eilidh’s Prince, which featured a lesbian romance whereupon one of the characters assumes the role of a man for a brief period. I felt that this was the best choice for the plot because of the symbolism of castration anxiety that is prevalent throughout the story. This is something I made clear when I chose to write the line ‘A fanged rose, a vertical grimace they cower from, lest it bite back’[15]. The idea of castration anxiety[16] is another of Freud’s theories, something he viewed as part of the uncanny. The idea is that men fear castration, perhaps as a punishment for their lust or simply the idea of becoming women, but I attempted to transform this idea by having a woman become a man temporarily, knowing the ‘fanged rose’ was not something she had to fear. I wanted to create a sense of dramatic irony that also came from Carter’s work. One story in particular that inspired me for this was ‘The Erl-King’ where the title character is described as ‘an excellent housewife’[17]. Through this, Carter has transgressed the usual boundaries of gender, and attributes feminine qualities to her male character. I took my version a little more literally and allowed my love interest to dress as a male.

For the other story in my collection, The Fae Prince and The Pomegranate[18], I also had used The Erl-King[19]as my main inspiration. However, unlike my two other pieces, this one was also partially inspired by historical mythology, which is another passion of mine. The mythology I chose to use for my work was the story of Hades, God of the Underworld, and Persephone[20]. Greek Mythology lends itself to fairytales as they could technically be considered a tale of their own time. Not only this, but I find that the nature of the Celtic myth of Fae is similar to the rules of the Underworld according to Greek accounts of Hades and Persephone. The main rule that comes to mind between both is that eating in their respective territories, according to legends, will force the victim to remain there forever. However in doing my research I found that certain myths suggest that Persephone had in face willingly gone to the Underworld, hence her name changing from Kore (meaning ‘the maiden’) to Persephone, which means ‘the bringer of death’[21]. The use of the pomegranate as a way of tying the Prince to the mortal girl and by extension her world was my way of applying both Fae rules and still using the mythology that I had used to construct the story’s foundations.

In conclusion, I enjoyed using these theories and influences to create my stories. I found that the use of experimental ideas and writing gave me more freedom than the usual styles I had been writing in. Comparing feminism and queering with the likes of Freud proved to be quite a challenge, but I feel that it paid off, as I have been able to create an unusual set of stories heavily inspired by authors’ works that I have long looked up to as gothic fantasy literature with heavy symbolism and use of metaphors and euphemisms that made the stories more interesting.

[1] Martin Evan Jay, "Sigmund Freud | Biography, Theories, Works, & Facts", Encyclopedia Britannica <https://www.britannica.com/biography/Sigmund-Freud> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [2] Sigmund Freud, The Uncanny (London: Penguin Books, 1919). [3] "Metalepsis - Definition And Examples Of Metalepsis", Literary Devices <https://literarydevices.net/metalepsis/> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [4] "Angela Carter", Angelacarter.Co.Uk, 2014 <https://www.angelacarter.co.uk/> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [5] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [6] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [7] Saul Mcleod, "Id, Ego, And Superego | Simply Psychology", Simplypsychology.Org, 2019 <https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html#:~:text=According%20to%20Freud%20psychoanalytic%20theory,id%20and%20the%20super%2Dego.> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [8] Sigmund Freud, "An Outline Of Psycho-Analysis", 1940. [9]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [10] Judith Butler, Performative Acts And Gender Constitution: An Essay In Phenomenology And Feminist Theory (Baltimore: John Hopkins University Press, 1988) <https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/3207893.pdf> [Accessed 19 April 2021]. [11]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [12] Alice Neikirk, "...Happily Ever After (Or What Fairytales Teach Girls About Being Women)", Hilo.Hawaii.Edu <https://hilo.hawaii.edu/campuscenter/hohonu/volumes/documents/Vol07x07HappilyEverAfter.pdf> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [13] "Masculinity In Victorian Gothic Novels", Ukessays.Com, 2017 <https://www.ukessays.com/essays/english-literature/masculinity-in-victorian-gothic-novels-english-literature-essay.php> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [14] Alice Neikirk, "...Happily Ever After (Or What Fairytales Teach Girls About Being Women)", Hilo.Hawaii.Edu <https://hilo.hawaii.edu/campuscenter/hohonu/volumes/documents/Vol07x07HappilyEverAfter.pdf> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [15]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [16] Sigmund Freud, "Freud: On Narcissism", English.Hawaii.Edu <http://www.english.hawaii.edu/criticalink/narc/guide5.html> [Accessed 19 April 2021]. [17] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [18]Shannon Hutton, Experiments CW1 [19] Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories (London: Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1979). [20] "Myth Of Hades And Persephone", Greek Myths & Greek Mythology <https://www.greekmyths-greekmythology.com/myth-of-hades-and-persephone/> [Accessed 18 April 2021]. [21] "Persephone: Goddess Of Spring And The Underworld", THEOI GREEK MYTHOLOGY <https://www.theoi.com/Khthonios/Persephone.html> [Accessed 20 April 2021].

[rainbowsky]

Final round-up of fan fic asks

I've gotten a few more interesting responses to the fan fic discussion so I'm going to round them all up here. This will be my final post on the topic until/unless there's a dramatic new development, or a particularly notable response I want to highlight. Thanks to everyone who brought their thoughts and experiences to the topic. I hope everyone at least feels heard.

The biggest piece of advice that I would like to offer is for everyone to focus on what they love rather than what they hate. If we all did that, the world would be a better place. Alongside that, I'd like to remind everyone to please support authors whose work you like. It's so important. Give them a kudos, give them a nice comment, recommend their work to others. You never know what kind of grief and harassment they are dealing with to bring you these great stories, and our support means a lot.

This is in reference to previous posts here and here.

Anonymous asked:

With regard to fandom and fan fic issue, my years of experience being part of very large fandoms has led me to believe that big accounts are v important in facilitating and enforcing the general consensus of the whole fandom. Unless there will be big accs who'll remind everyone of being respectful & just not being a dick over other's preferences, nothing will change.

This is also the reason why I think certain solo fandoms have adapted weird and twisted narratives as their general fandom story because no big acc has tried to police them & and say hey pls be rational. Whether we like it or not, in a place where how far voices, ideas, tweets, posts get heard is based on the number of followers you have, big accs will have the power and influence in creating/curating/shifting the narratives.

So, if you want to know why your/our fandom thinks like this in general, look at what big accs are tweeting/posting, look at what ideas & values they follow, look at their preferences or how strongly they react to certain situations. it's taxing and toxic for big accs given the nature of social media these days, but it's also the reality of system, the more followers/audience you have, the more influence you will have.

So to anyone reading this I hope we all practice more restraint and reflection before we post anything. Remember that words, no matter what medium you write it in, will always carry weight.

So true. It is easy - even for myself who spends a fair chunk of time answering people's asks - to forget that people can sometimes be impressionable and what we say can influence people whether that's our intent or not. I get used to thinking of myself as a regular guy just doing my own thing when sometimes my thoughts and words go well beyond where I initially posted them.

I think it's important for us to be careful what we say, and it's equally important to be careful what we take from what other people say. Especially when it comes to big claims. Always get a second, third, fourth opinion and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't sit right or sounds confusing.

It's also important to reflect on how our words and actions might affect other people's experience of fandom, and err on the side of 'live and let live' wherever possible. It's great to have our own preferences and to champion them, but we should try to do so in a way that leaves space for other people and perspectives.

The more unique perspectives and the more friendly, open dialog there is, the healthier the community will be as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging and guiding growth in the particular areas we are interested in, as long as it doesn't step on, oppress or attack those who are peacefully enjoying something different.

Anonymous 2 asked: bjyx fans attacking gdgdbaby for including zsww/lsfy dynamics in an event named bjyx then turning right around and attacking the zsww/lsfy event organizer for excluding bjyx? god, can you hear my facepalm and sigh of resignation and incredulity from over there? im genuinely not surprised that they're trying to drive an entire part of the fandom out by disgusting them (and me) with these immature tactics. i believe what im about to say next will sound quite bait-y and i respect your decision 1/?

should you choose not to post this. but i do know that it is not only me, in fact there are many out there, that is of this opinion. we just dont talk about it on twitter to avoid the potential mess it will bring lol. okay, here goes nothing. (do note that im talking about the majority here, not every single person is like this) so bjyx fans tend to be cishet females whereas zsww/lsfy fans are more diverse in terms of age and gender, and most of them are part of the queer community too 2/?

i would like to clarify that most of these zsww/lsfy fans are not dynamic exclusive (in the sense that they are friendly and interact with all ggdd fans) they just prefer to "identify" themselves as zsww/lsfy fans (on twitter specifically) just to form a distinction from bjyx fans who mostly are dynamic exclusive (as in; they do not consume non-bjyx content, and straightup refuse to interact with non-bjyx fans, often blocking them). as a result, id say that the zsww/lsfy communiy is way more 3/?

mature and respectful (after all, they're mostly queer people talking about a queer ship) whereas many problems in this fandom, such as the homophobia, adamantly insisting on "drawing lines" between dynamics, stem from the bjyx exclusive fans, comprised of cishet females who "may not know better". so, it is of no surprise to me that they're resorting to these immature tactics of calling gg unsavory names, and organizing retaliatory events with controversial topics in an attempt to "purify". 4/4

I trust that you have arrived at that theory through your own experience and observation. I haven't personally spent much time immersed in this stuff so I can't claim to have any real insight or expertise. If you say that's your experience of it, then at the very least that's how you've seen things up to this point.

I just want to say that I think we should always be careful about making assumptions about people's age, gender/gender identity, etc.

There are plenty of good reasons to avoid doing that; because those assumptions could be very wrong, because those assumptions are often laced with ageism, sexism, etc., because those assumptions - even when correct - might not be an accurate basis for the conclusions we draw.

But the primary reason I recommend avoiding those type of assumptions is because anything that enables us to clump a group of people together in our minds like that will tend to make them easier to demonize and dehumanize. They are no longer individuals who are each responsible for their own unique perspectives, they are now 'the X group' who is known for 'A B C series of easily attackable ideas or behaviors'.

If we attribute undesirable traits and behaviors to a group of people we feel opposed to in some way, that makes us feel more righteous and justified in behaving unfairly toward them, dismissing their humanity and warring with them. It's just risky behavior to engage in, even when it's well-intentioned.

There might actually be some truth to what you're saying. It could very well be that most of these people are young, inexperienced, heteronormative, etc. but if that's the case then we should try to use those traits to better understand and empathize rather than to better dismiss and discredit.

Just my two cents on that.

It can be really frustrating dealing with what feels like other people attacking us, trying to oppress us, etc. - especially when there are more of them than there are of us. In my experience the best solutions to that sort of problem are generally the ones that focus on what we are doing and want to do rather than what they are doing that we don't want them to do.

As I am always preaching, we can't control what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is what we say, do and think (and how we respond to what they say, do and think).

I have found in my experience that the moment I step out of a conflict mindset and instead step into a problem-solving mindset, everything starts to come together. I feel better, my outlook is more positive, I can begin to see solutions and allies rather than problems and enemies, and most of all, I become more focused on what I am doing than what others are doing.

So I would recommend everyone who is invested in resolving these conflicts focus on that. "How can we best showcase and encourage the types of stories we enjoy?" instead of "How can we stop these other people from doing things we dislike?"

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello again! It’s anon #3 from the fanfic post. I really do appreciate reading your thoughts on various issues like this, so thank you for always taking time to write in depth. As for supporting without going to war, the simplest way has always been to just show appreciation for the creators, hype them up. Kudos are the easiest way on ao3 but comments in addition are great. This goes for all content—art, fics, vids..etc. Creators love to see and read how people react to their content. Sharing is also great, fic recs are very helpful, just be cautious with art and reposting though. Hope this helps a bit!

Thanks so much, Anon. I think this is excellent advice. And it's true that appreciation is great, but helping to expand the audience is also great. Recommending stories, pointing people to the pages/websites of artists we like (as opposed to reposting), sharing our own ideas and approaches, encouraging people to try new things... all of this helps build healthier communities.

And here's another one: WRITE! DRAW! CREATE!

I urge anyone with creative interests or talents to bring their voices to the community because we all can benefit from hearing from you.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I hope that over time we can all work in positive ways to improve the situation.

I think this subject has been well-covered now so I'm going to retire it for the time being. If anyone still feels they want to discuss it further please feel free to message me privately. Thanks.

[marshmallow-phd]

Catching Rain

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Wolf!AU

Pairing: Minseok x Reader

Summary: You were more than satisfied with your life. You attended a nice college, had nice friends, a nice boyfriend. That’s what your life was: nice. You weren’t looking for anything more, so what were you to do when this seemingly harmless boy walked into your life and turned your nice little world into one much more dangerous?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I Epilogue

**

Junmyeon stared at him for a few blinks. Awkwardness washed over Minseok as he ran a hand through his hair. Maybe saying it out loud was a mistake. Maybe he should have tried seeing you as a human first, just to make sure that the pull was real and not some weird effect of running for so long. Maybe the trees were giving off a weird perfume that messed with his head. 

“Y-you think you found her?” Junmyeon stammered. “How? Where?”

“In the woods, just now when I was out with the others,” Minseok answered. 

Junmyeon scratched the top of his head. “Wow. That’s, um… that’s convenient.”

Minseok scoffed. “Sure. It could be. Except that I was a wolf.

“Oh.” 

Neither spoke for a minute or two. Minseok tapped his foot against the worn boards of his bedroom. He was tempted to tell Junmyeon never mind, to forget it and that he’d figure it out on his own – then go ask Jongdae for his advice. He was easier to talk to.

But a part of Minseok knew that wouldn’t be helpful. Given Jongdae’s reservations on the whole “mate” ordeal, his advice might not be the answer. “Ignore it” wasn’t exactly the best route to go down. 

“So, you just need to meet her in person?”

Minseok looked over at the alpha, a bit surprised. Yeah, that would make sense. That would probably be the best way to solve all of this. You meet him in person, feel the pull yourself, problem solved. He nodded. 

“Did she give you any hint of what her name is or any other clue as to how we can find her again?”

Minseok was unable to hold back the flinch at Junmyeon’s question. There was a moment’s hesitation before he reached under the pillow and pulled out your notebook. He really, really hoped this didn’t come across as creepy or inappropriate. “She accidentally left this behind,” he explained. He flipped open to the cover where what could only be your name was displayed. 

“That’s a good start,” Junmyeon smiled encouragingly. Taking the notebook and securing it under the crook of his arm, he stood up from the bed. “It might be a long shot, but we can see if she’s a student at the university.”

Minseok jumped up. “Really?”

Junmyeon nodded, patting the older wolf on the back. “Being a professor has its privileges.”

Rolling his eyes, Minseok headed for the door. “Let’s just go and search the records, Professor Kim.”

**

“I really shouldn’t be doing this.” 

“This was your own suggestion!” Minseok snapped. They were already in his office, Junmyeon in his chair with the registry search already pulled up on the screen. Now was when he decided to start questioning his own plan? 

“I know, I know,” Junmyeon grumbled. “But now that I’m doing it, I feel like I’m crossing a line. I’m a brand new professor, I could get in serious trouble by using the registry for personal use.”

Minseok felt only a tiny bit of sympathy. Besides, a lie as to why he was looking up a particular student would be easy to make. “If the stories are true, then it’s worth it.”

Junmyeon’s hands hovered over the keyboard before he could type in the name. “You mean, the stories of what could happen after you find your mate?”

“Yeah…. Those ones scare me.”

“Hey.” Junmyeon turned in his chair and clapped a hand on Minseok’s shoulder. The latter looked over, anxiety more than apparent in his eyes. “It’ll be alright. Mates rarely ever reject their wolves. Besides, who would ever want to reject the smart and handsome Kim Minseok?”

To his horror, Minseok actually felt his face heat up from the compliment. He shoved Junmyeon’s hand away. “Stop it.”

Fairly pleased with himself, Junmyeon went back to typing in your name, snickering to himself. 

“Alright,” Junmyeon sighed after clicking through several, somewhat unnecessary, search criteria. He hit the desk with his palm, very pleased indeed. “She is a student here. With the Fine Arts College.”

Minseok leaned in closer and confirmed with his own eyes that the ID photo on the school’s site matched who he saw in the clearing. By now, he was sure he’d know that smile anywhere. He just needed to learn about the rest of you. “That explains why she was out in the woods taking pictures.”

“Ah, a photographer.” Junmyeon smiled brightly with a twinge of mischief. “The others will have fun with that.”

“Can we not tell the others?” Minseok asked quietly. They’d already lied and said that they were headed to the university for “emergency meetings” with students. The pack hardly cared, murmuring “see you later”s as the two eldest members walked out the door. As much as the others would deny it, keeping secrets from them wasn’t as hard as they thought. 

It wasn’t that they didn’t care. They were family. If something was wrong, they were there for each other. Despite what had happened in the past… well, they were a pack. They would listen and help - after a few jokes from the peanut gallery. 

“They’ll figure it out eventually.”

Minseok nodded. “I know. But I’d rather have this whole thing figured out before they catch whiff of it. This is stressful enough without their antics.”

“That’s… accurate.” Junmyeon laughed a bit to himself at the thought. “Alright. I’ll keep it to myself. Besides, what harm could come from keeping this a secret?”

Relief helped Minseok relax his shoulders, the burden eased just a tiny bit. “Exactly. Now, though I’m sure I’ll regret it later because of how stalkerish it sounds, what’s her schedule?”

The next morning, Minseok was full of confidence. He was dressed much better than his normal laid back, might have just rolled out of bed, might have just come from the gym style. The guys always made fun of him for eighty percent of his closet being athletic wear, but he preferred being in clothes he could move in. 

Today, well, he could still move in these jeans and the T-shirt was breathable, at least. Armed with the knowledge that you would have to cross this part of the campus to get to your morning class, Minseok leaned up against one of the trees littering the courtyard and waited. His watch slowly ticked the seconds by. Each little tock sent his heart racing faster. He was going to see you in person, as a human this time. Would the pull be different? Stronger? There wasn’t any other way to know until he saw you. 

And there you were. 

With slow, almost heavy steps, you made your way down the sidewalk. Your eyes were unfocused. Okay, that must mean you were preoccupied. Something was weighing you down. He almost chickened out, telling himself that maybe he should try another time when you didn’t seem so downcast. 

The wolf in his chest, mostly dormant up until now, growled at him. That second part of his nature wasn’t usually pushy like this. Before the clearing, the wolf only showed up when Minseok’s frustration was getting the better of him. And that was usually Baekhyun’s fault. Right now, though, the wolf was pushing him to go forward with the plan, barking and clawing to get what it wanted. Because who knew when another good chance like this would happen?

Alright. Minseok gave in. After running his hands through his hair - a nervous fidget - he replaced his ball cap and strutted out to put his plan into action. 

**

You were two seconds away from screaming. Or throwing something. Or a combination of the two. 

Last night you hadn’t thought much about it, but this morning an idea came to you for an upcoming project in one of your classes and you wanted to write it down before it left you for good. Only problem? Your notebook was missing. 

You tore through every pocket of your bag, became a tornado around your dorm, and even crawled around your car like a toddler to try and find it. But there was only one sorry conclusion you could come up with on its whereabouts: the clearing.

Whimpering, you sat down on the asphalt next to your open car door. Every possible scenario ran through your head. The dew from the grass ruined the pages and ran the ink, making every note illegible. A rabbit taking it back to use for its nest. That wolf making the leather binding its new favorite chew toy. 

You laughed to yourself at that last thought. Do wild wolves even like chewing on things like their domesticated brethren? Then again, that wolf was an odd one. Given his behavior at coming across you in the clearing, you weren’t sure the ordinary rules of nature counted for him. 

One last sigh and you picked yourself up from the ground. For now, you would have to put off going back to the clearing. Class started soon and you couldn’t really afford to miss it. You threw your bag over your shoulder and used your foot to shut the car door before clicking the fob and activating the locks. The beep-beep told you that all was secure so you headed towards the main campus. 

The stress you were feeling seemed to be manifesting itself on the faces of the commuting students around you. Or, really, they were just as stressed as you were, since that was current college life. Though their own source of stress was probably vastly different from your own. How were you going to tell Erik that you’d lost your notebook? He was attentive about those kinds of things. Soon he would ask where it went or why you hadn’t used it in a while. Hopefully, it would still be in the clearing with only a minuscule amount of water damage and you wouldn’t have to come up with some lie as to how you lost it. The truth would only cause a fight that you would prefer to avoid. 

“Oomph!”

Your shoulder suddenly crashed into a solid object, bringing you out of your thoughts. The sound of paper flopping through the air made you flinch.

“I am so sorry!” Still not looking at whatever poor soul you ran into, you crouched down and started to help shuffle together the insane amount of worksheets. 

“It's alright, really.” 

“No, I should have….” You looked up and nearly gasped. 

Meeting the eyes of the person you’d ran into sent your head spinning. The world seemed to be tilting back and forth as if it were on a teeter-totter. Your breath caught in your throat. Never had you seen this person before. There was no rational explanation for why you were having this sort of reaction. Not even the handsome leads in the dramas you watched caused your heart to beat this fast.

Staring back at you were irises that were the deepest brown eyes you’d ever had the pleasure of connecting with. You were mere inches from the round yet straight nose and the wide, shining smile that revealed its owner’s pearly teeth. Though focused on the face, you could make out a fitted black tee and jeans snug tight. 

“Been paying attention,” you finished lamely and awkwardly.

“No, I was in too much of a hurry,” the man countered. Or, boy? You weren’t entirely sure. He had a timeless face, the kind that could both easily make him a tenured professor or be asked for his ID at the liquor store. 

“I’m sorry. Here.” You held out your poorly stacked papers out for him. “I don’t make you anymore late.”

“No! No, I-I’m not in a hurry!” he stammered. “I just… I just usually walk really fast. Having friends that are eighty-five percent legs created the habit.”

You laughed, nearly snorting out your nose between giggles at the joke. The muscles in your legs were screaming at you for how long you’d forced them to stay crouched, but you ignored them. To you, it was like time had momentarily paused. If you stood up or broke eye contact, then the clock would tick on again. 

Guilt yanked you back into reality. You shouldn’t be reacting like this, thinking like this when you were committed to someone else. Clearing your throat, you pushed yourself up and broke the stare. Time started forward again. 

“I, um, I should get going.” Yes. Yes, you should be getting to class. So, then, why were your feet refusing to comply?

The smile on his face didn’t dim as he, too, straightened up. “Right. You probably have class. I won’t keep you, but… I’m Minseok.” He held his hand out for you to take. 

You hesitated a moment and then metaphorically shook your head. It was just a friendly handshake. Hardly cheating. Besides, you doubted you would see him again on this big campus. “(y/n).” 

As soon as your palm met his, a strange heat or electricity ran up your arm, causing you to jump back in surprise. Minseok also seemed surprised by the charge. 

Almost nervously, he laughed, “Static electricity is always a shock, isn’t it?”

“Ha!” You slammed a hand over your mouth as soon as the sound escaped. You should not have laughed at the pun. Trying but certainly failing, you covered the laugh with a pathetic cough. “It was nice to meet you, Minseok. I hope you have a good day.” You hurried down the sidewalk, barely catching his confused response.

“You… too.”

You didn’t stop until you made it inside the building, shuffling over to the side so you weren’t blocking the entrance. Back against the painted cement blocks that made up the wall, you forced your thoughts to cohesively straighten out. 

This was a college. Funny, attractive boys were a dime a dozen here. Erik was one of them, no offense to him. You liked your funny and cute college boy. From your brief interaction, you didn’t see anything different or special about that Minseok. So why was your heart still refusing to calm down? You placed a hand over your chest as if that would put it back to normal. Taking the risk, you peeked out the glass doors, but the sidewalk you’d run into him was now empty. 

Who was that boy?

A valid question, but one for which you were not going to actively pursue an answer for. Going forward, you were going to put the boy out of your head and move on with your life, leaving it nothing but a random encounter without consequence or side effects. 

But as you headed down the hall to your classroom, something told you that this was nowhere near the end.

[itty-bittle]

I know absolutely no one asked for this, but I was overcome and had to get this out of my brain. and i had to break my 4 months of writer’s block. so here’s this, i might make more! i am selling a product for which there is no demand 😌

______________________________________________________________

Nursey/Dex, 1500 words (so far)

He knew this road like the back of his hand. All of them, really, the way they sprouted and converged with one another, each leading to a building or a park or a neat row of raccoon-infested dumpsters he’d seen a thousand times. It was easier at night to see them all again, brain on autopilot as one hand worked the steering wheel, the other tucked under his thigh. It made him almost angry, the nostalgia that’d wormed itself into his chest again. He hated this fucking place. 

The only part he liked was the Persian tobacco store owner who’d sold to him since he was a scrawny 16 year old, who saw his shaved head and poorly ace bandage-bound chest, and passed the carton of cigarettes across the counter without even asking for his ID. He smoked half the pack in one sitting the first time, hoping his lungs would just shrivel up on the spot. They didn’t, he just felt sick and lightheaded his entire drive back home. He didn’t stop, though. He almost liked the way they made him feel. The nausea drew him out of his body, clenching his stomach instead of his heart for a few brief minutes. 

He was smoking now, actually. The filter of a fresh dart pinched between his index and middle fingers, stinking smoke into the ceiling of his pickup. Luckily it’d already reeked of ashtray when he bought it, so he didn’t have to feel bad about ruining the upholstery. He shifted his unused hand to steady the bottom of the steering wheel while he took a drag. No one knew he smoked, at least at Samwell. He didn’t live in the Haus so it was easy enough to hide, not that they could do anything about it if they found out. His coaches could tell him to stop, but he did well enough on the ice with black lungs already. He just knew Bitty would be disappointed in him. 

The road was quiet, like it always was after 8pm. In a town full of hicks and the elderly, everyone was busy either snorting pills or resting up for early church service. The night was mild and sweet outside his windows, insects screeching in the foliage framing either side of the road. Dangling his cigarette between his lips, Will dipped his hand outside the window, wind whipping through his fingers like silk. The headlights of the truck barely illuminated the road immediately in front, but it didn’t matter. He knew all the curves were coming before he even had to think about it. He was thinking about going to the shop, Izad was usually there well past closing and would let him in as long as he paid in cash, when his phone started buzzing against his thigh. Glancing down, he saw a facetime request from Nursey, his contact name “annoying shithead” staring back at him. Confused, he spotted a parking lot a little ways down the road and pulled in, heart thumping faster in his chest. He chalked it up to the nicotine buzz.

“What do you want?” He said once he parked, resting his phone on the middle of his steering wheel. The streetlight illuminated him just enough that Nursey couldn’t complain about not seeing his ‘stupid mug’. 

“Hello to you too, sexy Dexy.” Nursey drawled. Behind him, Will could see a gorgeous oak desk covered in every manner of clutter: dishes, books, loose papers and half-finished granola bars. “Is a man not allowed to check in on his favorite little star every once in a while?” 

“Ha ha.” Will said, flicking the ash off his cigarette where it hung out of the window, safely out of frame. “Then to what do I owe the, uh… pleasure?” 

“I missed you.” Nursey said simply, like that wasn’t enough to make Will’s throat tense up with… something. “And I wanted to ask you if you’d quit that awful job yet.” The only decent one he could get in this shitty town, Nursey meant. Will sighed, watching as the ember ate away at his tobacco. 

“No, idiot, because they pay me enough to keep gas in my truck. And it’s… I don’t know. It’s nice to do something. To have like a purpose.” Nursey nodded sagely, and something flickered across his face. He probably had a wealth of time sitting on his ass doing nothing, Will thought, and he definitely didn’t envy him. Nursey liked to keep things moving along as much as him, and Will couldn’t imagine what he’d even do if he didn’t have to worry about putting gas in his car or food in his sibling’s mouths. Nursey was probably going insane with boredom. 

“What about the lobster boat?”

Will sighed, scrubbing a hand across his face. “The hull is fucked. My uncle crashed it into a sandbar that had a few too many rocks in it. It’ll probably take him all fucking year to get around to fixing it.” The news was disappointing, but not shocking when it came. Uncle Matt had a tendency to drink a few too many when the water got still and the stars were out. Will couldn’t say he blamed him, it was lonely out there. Still, sucked that he had to spend eight hours in a sweltering mechanic shop all summer rather than on the ocean. “How’s C?” 

“He’s fine. Cait’s coming to visit him soon.” The scenery behind Nursey changed as he made his way down one of what Will assumed to many long hallways in his house. He’d never actually been, but in his mind Nursey lived in a mansion on top of a skyscraper. “How come you never visit me, babe?” Nursey pouted, little frown replaced by an easy smile when Will scoffed. 

“Because I have a job.” Will replied, deciding he didn’t care if Nursey knew his car and his hands and his breath smelled like an ashtray, he paid eight fucking dollars for the carton and he wasn’t going to waste a cigarette because Nursey liked impromptu facetime calls. Besides, Nursey was a lot of things, but he definitely wasn’t a snitch. He took a mildly shameful drag, flicking his eyes away from the screen as he pulled and exhaled. Nursey didn’t look surprised at all. 

“American Spirits. Didn’t know you were a fuckin’ tree hugger, Dexy.” Despite himself, Will smiled, taking another pull. 

“Fuck off.” Was all he said. There was silence as Nursey reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of, oddly enough, white wine. “Whoa there, big shoots. I thought your parents didn’t drink.” 

“They bought it at some fundraiser cus Ma liked the art on the bottle. I’m just going to mix it with cranberry juice, make myself a nice little rose.” Will gagged loudly, scowling at his screen while Nursey laughed. The worst part was knowing he was dead serious. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Will murmured through a mouthful of smoke. 

“Bestie withdrawals.” Nursey sighed dramatically, uncorking the bottle and dumping it into a pint glass. He waved the open neck under his nose, inhaling deeply, eyes comically rolling back in his head. “Mm, I’m getting strong notes of… let’s see… cat piss, vinegar and oh,” he inhaled again, “Hints of rubbing alcohol. Simply splendid.”

Will was giggling despite himself. He hated how much he loved Nurse’s stupid antics. “C only left four days ago, how can you already be having withdrawals?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen you for like, two months.” He said, and again the same feeling jumped up into the back of Will’s throat, twisting at his guts. It was weird. It was hard to tell when Nursey was being sincere about this kind of thing. All the flirting, the pet names, all of that was a joke, obviously, it had to be. But sometimes Nursey would say things so easily, like they were true, like he really did capital-m miss Will. It wasn’t that Will didn’t miss him too, of course he did, some days he’d wake up and the first thing he did was mindlessly open his phone to scroll through Nursey’s insanely long Snap stories, just to look at his face. He’d never tell him that, of course, which is why the sweet nothings Nursey would casually admit probably affected him so much. Probably. 

There was silence again as Nursey rooted around in the fridge for the juice, and Will flicked his ash out the window. 

“Y’know…” Will started, hardly believing he was saying what he was about to say. “I do have a Friday off next week. And the shop is closed…” 

“Saturday through Monday. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Nursey was grinning, the kind that made Will’s ears heat up and he had to turn his eyes to the window again, pretending he was watching something outside. 

“It’s a hell of a drive, though. You better be worth my time, Nurse.” Will said, trying to sound mean but it mostly just came out soft. He stuck his cigarette back in his mouth so he wouldn’t say anything else.

“Oh, I’ll make it worth it, William.” Nursey said, and Will didn’t even need to look to know he was waggling his eyebrows at the screen. 

“You’re paying me gas money.”

“I’ll pay for a new shitty fuckin’ pickup if you bring some of your brother’s hooch with you too.” 

[marshmallowprotection]

I need to ramble/comment on the absolutely adorable saeran headcanons you posted.

1. "Saeran could listen to you talk for hours on end..."

I- pls 🥺 I've already mentioned my ADHD a bajillion times and this seriously one the biggest -- if not the biggest -- insecurity that stems from it for me. I can honestly talk and talk and talk what I'm really excited or upset or passionate about something. Particularly for the more positive rambling, I'm oftened worried about being annoying, talking too fast, being confusing (which means i feel like i have to repeat/reword what i said, which i then worry might annoy the other person, but its the best way to get my thoughts in order and all im doing is trying to make it easier for them to understand), being overbearing, etc... so having someone that will geniunely listen (and retain so much information!! my heart swells whenever my friends remember something from one of my rambles, especially small details, even just one!), ugh i'd probably almost cry lol. Like i need that so badly, on a bigger scale than the minimal i have now :'D

2. "Contrary to norms, if you've got big sweaters or hoodies, he takes them from you."

First of all, yes. Adorable. We love. But- lowkey makes me feel bad cos I have literally one hoodie. One. Well, that fall into that typical oversized hoodie category. And it's not even thay oversized. I'm 5 inches shorter than Saeran and I'm a tiny thing lol. I know Saeran is built small as well, and is small for his height because of his minimal eating, but even still I don't think the one hoodie I have would fit him. But I just love the thought of him!! wearing something of mine! I'm a little sad lmao. I kid you not, I would 100% be running around trying to figure out some alternative, and if I couldn't find something in the end, I'd probably just buy a new one for us to share ☆ ～('▽^人)

3. "Saeran gets along well with Jumin."

I agree. But also. I'm sorry- they sound like grandmas lmao. I love it. Bonding over knitting and baking. Like sweet old ladies (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

4. "Saeran is very artsy."

I actually have this same headcanon! It mostly stems from the whole emojis thing, I mean someone must've drawn them lol, but he also gives off this soft artist vibe. And being an artist myself, it'd be so fun to do artsy things together!! ＼(≧▽≦)／

But... damn. That last bit, the scenario where he draws his MC... (*/ω＼) Never mind the fact that I can't sit still longer than a minute to save my life (my friend literally timed me and i couldnt do it), I'd have a harder time than usual making eye contact (part of my adhd). And its so obvious too because i literally cannot settle my eyes anywhere else, they jump from one thing to the next within a minute (unless i space out). But id be so, so red. The whole time.

I like to think Saeran can be a bit of a tease as well, he's just more subtle about it than Saeyoung and literally MC is probably the only person who knows he can be that way.

Zen wasn't lying when he said that, even if Saeran seems naïve and cute, he's still a guy~ all men are wolves, jagi

[417]

I actually wrote a personal post about that specific ones so it really stands out to me that Saeran would listen. I have the tendency to never know when to shut up about something so it's just nice to think that somebody would be willing to listen. When you're really passionate about something the sweetest thing that you could do is listen to them do that. That's a love language. If you're willing to listen to someone talk about something that you know nothing about just because you love the sound of their voice and how happy it makes them, you're 1000/10. Saeran is happy to listen.

Yeah, I think most people disregard the fact that the boys have to be rather creative to be able to make the things that they make. You have to have some kind of artistic ability to be able to do that, and I wish that more people would point that out. Saeran also likes photography, as did Ray. That's just a bit harder to talk about given his trauma. He's going to make uncomfortable I contact the entire time so that's definitely something to maybe not think about if it bothers you.

Saeran and Jumin knitting club when.

And, yeah he's a bit of a tease them self but not to the degree in which his brother is. He gets a little bit more confident the longer that he's free and away from that damn place. It's a bit more subtle in his actions. He steals a kiss when you least expect it. That's him.

[xxcureangelxx]

5, 9, 10, 13, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 30-35, 38-42, 44-46, 50, 52, 54, 60-62, 66, 71-74, 86-91, 96, 100! 😊

okay I literally have no clue how old this is and if I'm even taking the questions from the right post but here goes I guess? 🙈

<u>5. What is your favorite Color?</u>

PURPLE

<u>9. How tall are you?</u>

about 1,70 meters or 5'7"

<u>10. What shoe size are you?</u>

size 40-41, I think that's about 8 in US sizes?

<u>13. What talents do you have?</u>

uhhh good question... not sure if it counts but I guess I'm quite good at a lot if things but can't do anything extraordinarily well?

<u>20. Are you religious?</u>

Absolutely not. Due to family history and a lot of other things I'm actually against it a lot but people can do whatever they feel like is right for them as long as they don't harm others with it.

<u>21. Have you ever been to the hospital?</u>

Yes, quite a lot actually. practically grew up in hospitals as a baby because of kidney issues, broke both my legs with 4 years old, had to revisit for tests a lot during my childhood because of the kidney issue. it calmed down afterwards until I was back in hospital last year because of my terrible mental health and I'm currently in a rehabilitation clinic for it as well.

<u>24. Baths or showers?</u>

Shower's because we don't have a bathtub

<u>25. What color socks are you wearing?</u>

currently none, I love going barefoot, but usually I wear white, gray or black. I know... I'm a bad gay.. no rainbow socks (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

<u>28. What type of music do you like?</u>

you know.... I hate this question with a passion even though I love music so I'll just throw in my yt-playlist here and everyone who's interested can look through it to get a picture xD not sorted in any way and not a conclusive list at all, I just add songs as I find them

<u>30. How many pillows do you sleep with?</u>

mostly just one at a time but I've got two different ones. one is the normal fluffy kinda pillow, the other is made of some kinda foam material and rather thin.

<u>31. What position do you usually sleep in?</u>

I'm always lying on the side! have been doing that since I was a baby too.

<u>32. How big is your house?</u>

compared to what? 🙈 I'd say decent size for 5 people to live in, would have space for 1-2 more if rooms were used differently but definitely not enough to comfortably live with 12 or even more people like my family used to. we've got like 3 proper sleeping rooms (one of which is the attic so not very nice in terms of heat and the staircase is smack in the middle of the room), a kitchen, a dining room, a big living room, a tiny bathroom that barely fits a toilet and shower, and the basement is a mix of storage, electrics and stuff, washing room/utility room and it's got another smaller room that's been turned back into a small workshop but used to be the room of my brother and later my grandmother.

<u>33. What do you typically have for breakfast?</u>

I guess this is where it shows that I'm german but we usually just eat bread (preferably whole grain) with cheese or slices of salami or ..meat sausage? is that a proper translation? 🤨 idk... it's rather simple really. on the weekend maybe buns and boiled eggs. on the occasion that I'm too tired for it or don't have enough time I eat cereals but it's not very common when I'm at work/school

<u>34. Have you ever fired a gun?</u>

No, and I don't want to

<u>35. Have you ever tried archery?</u>

Yes!! I did last year when I was in the hospital and it was super fun! was quite good at it as well, even for my first try 😤

<u>38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?</u>

I think about 3 days? if we count "barely unconscious for a few hours" as sleep that is... otherwise no clue...my memory of the bad sleepless time is quite hazy lol

<u>39. Do you have any scars?</u>

yeah, quite a few tbh. got 2 huge ones from surgeries due to my kidney issues, well they look like 2 but it's actually multiple ones since they simply cut open party of the old ones again, tiny hooman apparently have very little skin. then I got some other ones here and there from accidents, general dumbness, etc, like when I cut through my sunday morning bun and almost cut half of the tip of my finger off because my mother sharpened the knife and didn't tell me or that time as a kid I couldn't wait for my ironing pearl pictures to be done and burned myself on the hot iron, mostly stuff like that.

<u>40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?</u>

I mean.. if they're a secret... how would I know? ;) not sure if it counts that it took me months to realize I had a crush on my best friend and the feelings were reciprocated and I was too blind to see the signs?

<u>41. Are you a good liar?</u>

Nope. People actually think I'm lying more often than I lie... so.... :/

<u>42. Are you a good judge of character?</u>

I'm.. honestly not sure what this one means? like, am I able to judge what kind of character a person has after barely meeting them or smth? if so, I'm terrible at it

<u>44. Do you have a strong accent?</u>

in german? nope. in english? hmm hard to judge since I rarely hear myself speak. I think the stuff I do know how to pronounce is mostly okay but since I learned it through reading I'm simply unsure of a lot of pronunciations. 'also'.... I can not for the life of me pronouns that word no matter how many times I hear it... it's kinda become a quirk after some classmates pointed it out to me and I'm incredibly aware how terrible I say the word but.... just can't get rid of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>45. What is your favorite accent?</u>

I.. actually really love the way my best friend talks? 👉👈 they're french btw. just... typical me for struggling to understand them though, already terrible at it in german too...

<u>46. What is your personality type?</u>

honestly, I don't think I can answer that. I'm big on self loathing and everything's pretty shitty so, no thanks

<u>50. Left or right handed?</u>

Right handed. but does it even count id I'm bad at doing things with that hand too? lol

<u>52. Favorite food?</u>

hmmmm tough question... not the biggest fan of food in general a lot of the time... probably Züricher Geschnetzeltes

<u>54. Are you a clean or a messy person?</u>

Definitely messy. my allergies did not like this post trying to clean and tidy up more often though. my depression does not like this post either

<u>60. Do you talk to yourself?</u>

sometimes. quite a bit when watching movies or if I mess stuff up

<u>61. Do you sing to yourself?</u>

barely. got a lot of bad experiences with that so i keep my singing to a minimum. my shower is a great listener though

<u>62. Are you a good singer?</u>

I was in a choir for a few years when I went to 'middle school' and I had like one solo part once but other than that I can't really say because I barely ever sing in front of people

<u>66. Do you like long or shor hair?</u>

this question is currently my absolute nemesis.. I've got suuuper duper long hair and have had it ever since elementary school and I used to be super happy with it and sometimes I still am happy with it but other days, depending on where I'm at genderwise, I absolutely hate it and I just want to take the closest scissors and cut it all off... currently haven't had the guts to look for new hair styles though... but in other people? or women more specifically? I love long hair 🥺

<u>71. What makes you nervous?</u>

Or the shorter question: what doesn't make me nervous... I'd say pretty much everything has got the potential to make me nervous. I'm an overthinker, anxiety is a big thing for me and ptsd makes me scared of almost everything. so.. yeah... sucks to be me sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>72. Are you scared of the dark?</u>

Yes, very

<u>73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?</u>

I try not to but sadly I sometimes do, even if it's not my place to. I really don't like that part and hope I'll be able to learn not to sometime

<u>74. Are you ticklish?</u>

Yes and I hate it 😭

<u>86. What are you allergic to?</u>

again, easier question: what am I not allergic to... it's... a lot... like, really a lot. with the test on the skin of my arm I reacted to every single substance and the more thorough blood test lead to much of the same result. the absolute worst are birch trees (pitty, love those), then the usual pollen of pretty much every tree or flower, all animals with fur or feathers, dust and... yeah list goes on and on, you get the picture... :/

<u>87. Do you keep a journal?</u>

no.. have tried to multiple times in the past but never made it more than a week... too depressing to write and read... the therapist at the rehab clinic is currently forcing me to try a positivity diary for the millionths time, can't even get that done each day even though I'm doing it on my phone and get notifications to do it each evening...

<u>88. What do your parents do?</u>

making my life hell lol.. okay on a serious note, my father was a car electrician, he's retired by now, my mother is a housewife, she used to work different jobs before her first kid, later on she took care of my grandmother who was suffering from dementia, got some money and retirement points for that too.

<u>89. Do you like your age?</u>

I-... I don't know? it's weird because I both feel a lot younger and a lot older than I am rn....

<u>90. What makes you angry?</u>

another tough question... I actually have anger issues in that way that I'm barely capable of feeling anger... used to be worse but I already worked a lot on it in therapy so there's at least some there now... in the past I simply started to cry and felt overwhelmed by sadness whenever I was supposed to feel anger... so I can't tell very well what makes me angry because I first have to realize that I'm feeling anger or more like should be feeling it....

<u>91. Do you like your own name?</u>

Not really, no, but I guess I finally figured out some reasons why.. I've recently started going by a bit of a different name too but only my closest friends know so far and I'm not sure if I'll be using it irl at all..

<u>96. How did you get your name?</u>

I'm still trying to get my mother to admit that she named me after this song but she keeps denying it.. she's a fan of this band so it would have fit.. but she keeps saying she just liked the name, no long thought process behind it..

my chosen name is a bit of a different story. an ex friend I got to know through yt gave me that nickname almost 10 years ago after I complained that you can't make a shorter nickname out of my birthname and it's also the name of s character I like, especially his voice, and... idk it just feels more gender neutral and I simply feel comfortable with it. it just fit.

<u>100. Color of your room?</u>

same as question 5: Purple 🥰 or... well half the walls are purple, the other half is white

phew... can't believe I made it through all of these....

in case people haven't noticed yet, I'm currently kinda getting back into tumblr? I think I've already stayed a lot longer than any times I tried getting back before. it mostly started because we've got super bad wifi at the clinc I'm at rn and reddit takes up waaayy too much mobile data and... idk, I guess I just missed the vibe of tumblr

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stick around but we'll see

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))