#I KNOW I CAN READ SHAKESPEARE ONLINE FOR FREE i just really wanted something i could physically highlight and write notes in. teehee

[hyperthinks]

my giant ~1400 page leather-bound tome of the collected works of shakespeare gets here todayyyyy ^_^

[ace-with--a-mace]

i definitely think quarantine stunted everyone under the age of like 25's growth and its detrimental to society today

[butchhamlet]

what are your favourite things about king lear? also do you know any really good productions that i can watch online for free? asking because i didn’t really like king lear when i read it (except for edmund. i love edmund) and knowing why other people like it might let me look at it from a different angle. because i know it’s objectively a good play, and there’s a 50% chance of me having to study it next year so i want to like it

so i started writing a response to this ask and then paused to plot out my points (as if writing a goddamn essay) and then i looked at my points and i had written

fucked-up families

apocalypse vibes

women are hot

which. yeah, that's it, isn't it

anyway, to elaborate on that: i will admit that some of this is just personal preference, because i love stories about complicated nuclear-waste-toxic family dynamics, and lear is, like, one of the original Nuclear Waste Family Dynamic plays. (so is the oreisteia, incidentally.) what gets me specifically is that this is a play about power, yeah, but also about love: everybody in lear wants love, and nobody is getting enough of it. and the dynamics of the two families here get immediately more interesting if this isn't JUST a who-inherits-the-throne thing. edmund wants political sway, yeah, but maybe he also wants to be seen as more than a bastard. goneril kills her sister out of jealousy, yeah, but also, has she ever had a person care about her like edmund? (does he care about her? how much of the love triangle is about love vs lust vs calculation? these are questions that could be answered a thousand ways.)

i also read this play counter to old white guy traditional scholarship because i think lear (the guy) sucks. sorry. i think he sucks. i think he's terrifying and tyrannical and his daughters can do whatever they want (imo, his main problem is trying to apply his political power to his personal relationships, and that's not something caused by his senility. goneril and regan state at the end of 1.1 that, while he's going off the deep end a little more these days, "the best and soundest of his time hath been but rash." this guy has always sucked). speaking of goneril and regan, they're not evil hags--they're women trying to live with an unpredictable father, as well as trying to retain the little power they have in a male-dominated world. (notably, regan's husband is on her team, while goneril's isn't, and lear seems to have a lot of hatred for goneril specifically. which colors how both of them interact with power, edmund, and each other.)

i could actually talk about lear family dynamics forever (do cordelia's sisters love her, resent her, or both? how does edgar feel about edmund? how does edmund feel about edgar, for that matter? does he feel guilty at all for doing what he does? does edgar feel guilty about killing him? is the relationship between lear and gloucester entirely professional, or are they friends? can lear even have friends when he sees everything as some sort of zero-sum power love game? is kent gay for lear? <- yes) but i won't. because i have another point to make!

which is that it's somewhat comforting to me, in an era of [gestures at the news and broad state of the world], to read a play where people are like "holy fuck the world's going to shit and all the rules of society are inverted!" i read lear for the first time during pandemic quarantine, so. it felt fitting. your mileage may vary here (maybe you prefer escapism), but i think one could draw a lot of parallels between lear and [gestures out the window again]. this play is bleak in a way that few other shakespeare plays are bleak. (maybe timon of athens.) it's set in pre-christian britain, and the gods are invoked, but they're not really present. no one who appeals to higher powers ever seems to get any help or even comfort. and the original story of king leir didn't end Like That. shakespeare decided his play was going to end with the emotional equivalent of getting bricked in the face. cordelia's death doesn't mean anything at all! it didn't have to happen! edmund tried to stop it! she doesn't die in the original myth! and yet we're left with this horrifying apocalyptic last scene, where all the struggles for love and power come to almost nothing. maybe, if one is concerned about current events, this would make one feel worse. but i fucking love tragic catharsis and i feel bleak about the modern world so this horrible upsetting play is quite close to my heart <3

finally: i've already touched on Hot Women, but . i am a simple butch. i think goneril and regan are soooooo sexy. i love when women are mean and ruthless. i love when women kill with swords. i think conflating the two of them/treating them like two halves of the same Evil Daughter Character is a cardinal sin of shakespeare studies; you have to be reading with your eyes shut not to note stuff like regan's desire to outdo goneril, goneril's comparative lack of fulfilling relationships (re: lear fucking hates her and her husband sucks), or the differences in their dynamic with edmund (regan is still mourning cornwall at this point--does she love edmund at all, or is she just playing the political long game?). and cordelia, too, is more than just the Angelic Good Daughter; she's on stage much less frequently, but she shows a stubborn virtue that honestly borders on naivete and maybe an inclination toward martyrdom. how does she feel about her father? does she really forgive him? how does she feel about her sisters, for that matter? i'm not saying this play is, like, the most feminist shakespeare play ever written; i just really love the lear sisters.

other misc stuff: the themes are tasty! look at the authoritarianism! (is it right for one man to have this much power? see that line about the king being a wheel rolling down a hill destroying everything in his path as he destroys himself, or whatever). look at the gender dynamics! (goneril's dominance over albany and edmund in turn; the question of her womb; the mutual violence of regan and cornwall; cordelia leading an army.) look at the debate about fate and predestination! (#redditatheist edmund i love you). ++ the fact that it's set in some kind of nebulous unclear time period and the fool sings about merlin who wasn't even alive yet. i just think it's neat <3

as far as productions, i have a friend who swears by the bob jones university prod, though i haven't seen it in full (hi @lizardrosen :D). i also hav NTLive and RSC lears somewhere, i think, but shhhhh don't tell

i'd apologize for this ask being this long, but when my parents asked me to explain the plot of lear to them in 2020 i talked for 25 minutes so i guess we're all getting off lucky here

[decafdino]

Can you give me some advice plss? bc I just love your writing so so much... then I think it's a good idea

I love writing stories and imagining them, I think of a new one pretty much every day but there's one that I can't get out of my head and I really want to write so maybe I can post it and be able to share some of my thoughts of Carlos childhood and Tarlos in general.

... but my insecurities won't let me write a full paragraph without thinking it's awful and everyone will hate it. So I was wondering if you have any tips for me.

Thank youu

Okay so first off— it means a lot that there is someone out there who is seeking my advice on writing. Like wow, thank you.

Second, I understand what you mean about having so many ideas swirling around in your head. Brainstorming is one of my favorite pastimes and definitely was my jumping off point when I started getting in to fic writing. I started out writing 911 LS fic because no one was writing the story that I wanted to read, so I just did it myself instead.

As someone who reads a lot— and I mean A LOT— I have seen many different styles of writing, from modern poetry to classical literature to (my most often-read medium) fanfiction. Fic is special, because there's this understanding when you click on the title or link to a page that what is being posted is made out of love for the fandom you're writing for. It means that it doesn't have to be perfect, and as a reader, for the most part, if I can understand what you mean through your word choice and what's happening in the story, I'm going to enjoy it. I can say with absolute certainty no one is going to hate you, the author, for writing something in celebration of a fandom (the exception of course is if you choose to write about something that's controversial in any way in your fandom space, but that's generally a given for being online.) Plus, the worst that could happen is if someone doesn't like your fic, they'll hopefully just click off. If you're writing for LS specifically, I can basically guarantee you that whatever response you get is going to be positive, because that's just how this fandom is in my experience.

The point of me saying that is that if you have an idea, you should write it. It doesn't have to be perfect in the first draft, and honestly when you post the final draft on ao3 no ones expecting you to be Shakespeare.

(Also, if you want to know a secret? Tons of authors struggle just the same as you do with imposter syndrome. In fact, I've taken a break from writing today because I was stressing myself out about it so much. Twenty-four hours later and I'm feeling better about it. Whenever you get that way, I think it's important to remember that no one is going to write like you do, because that's the beauty of the artform: it's unique. When it gets overwhelming for me, I like to take a step back for a day or two, then come back at my draft with a fresh set of eyes.)

But I think the most important thing, if you do want to get in to writing, is to not delete the stuff you've written. Yeah, you might cringe later at it, but first drafts ain't pretty for anyone. They're for laying the foundation of your story, and the best part is no one ever has to see them because you can just edit the fic to be better and better in the later drafts. Again, if you have an idea, then you should run with it. The only opinion that really matters is your own.

TL; DR I believe in you, anon! Go forth and create your own beautiful, unique art! (and maybe also send me the link if you do end up posting so that I can hype you up)

Much love,

DecafDino | Flogsam

ps. feel free to hmu if you have any more questions. my inbox is always open ;)

[iamnmbr3]

Hi, i'm curious about how do you got into shakespeare and co. ? Can you recomment something to read for a starter? Furthermore i wish you have a nice day 😊

thanks for waiting for me to answer. I've been super busy. and this ask made me SO happy. So I actually read some Shakespeare in high school and while I found them interesting, Macbeth was the only one that strongly resonated with me (and still one of my favorites). Later I got to see it on stage and also saw a production of Julius Caesar on stage. And omg it was so much more vibrant. I got back into Shakespeare recently after watching the Donmar Warehouse production of Coriolanus (streaming free here https://www.schooltube.com/media/Coriolanus+%7C+Donmar+Warehouse+%7C+National+Theatre+at+Home/1_i4iwz5ix) and then basically binging a whole bunch of other plays and various adaptations of those plays. I highly highly recommend that production btw. 

I personally think the plays are more fun to watch than to read. I mean, reading them is basically like reading the script for a movie. Shakespeare never meant anyone to read his plays. They are much more engaging and also easier to understand when you see them performed. (That said of course you can get a lot out of reading them too).

I've found that understanding Shakespearean English is hard at first but your ear adjusts. Just like listening to a foreign language gets easier. And while the language in Shakespeare is challenging, if you already speak English then learning to understand it is WAYYYY easier than learning a new language. So instead of thinking of it like hard English think of it as a really easy foreign language. Sure there are some differences but you can pick it up relatively fast. Versus the years it would take to learn a new language well.

What plays you will like most really vary from person to person. I think the easiest stories to understand are the ones you can get engrossed in. I also think sometimes the comedies are harder to understand since sometimes the jokes reference things that you need to know a lot about the culture and history of the time they were written to get. (I mean. Think how specific to a certain context a lot of talk shows are).

The globe theater has a streaming service (https://www.shakespearesglobe.com/watch/) where you can watch a bunch of their plays online. I really love the henriad, which is a series of 4 plays that follow several generations of characters in the monarchy and it's kinda like game of thrones minus the dragons (I mean GoT was actually based on the same history so it's not surprising). The plays are Richard II, Henry IV pt 1, Henry IV pt 2 and Henry V. The Globe Theater productions (esp Henry IV pt 1 and Henry V) are amazing and their take on Prince Hal/Henry V is PERFECT. I also love their production of Macbeth. You always read a synopsis before watching so it makes more sense. 

(You do have to pay for the streaming service but the price is pretty reasonable compared to the cost of a theater ticket. Esp given you get access to a whole bunch of performances. So it’s a good way to get a flavor of the experience of performances for a lot less cost. and of course it’s much more accessible since you can watch from anywhere. and you can pause it etc if you need to)

The Digital Theater streaming service has Royal Shakespeare Company plays (https://www.digitaltheatre.com). The RSC production of Hamlet with Paapa Essiedu is THE version of Hamlet for me. It's just. SO good. There's also a FABULOUS RSC production of Caesar on there that is super good and which I highly recommend.

And of course, any of these plays can be read instead if you want. You can usually find the texts for free online. Or at your local library.

(You do have to pay for the streaming service but the price is pretty reasonable compared to the cost of a theater ticket. Esp given you get access to a whole bunch of performances. And it goes to support the theater which is a good cause.) 

[workingonwisdom]

Jane of All Trades...

The quote 'A jack of all trades is a master of none' has always p****d me right off.

As someone who lives to learn new things, and try new things, and grow, the idea that this somehow makes me less successful as a person and a professional infuriates me. My inner response is always 'Really? Because I am pretty damn good at most of them'.

So imagine my delight when finding out that this ubiquitous quote is only half the story.

That's right. What Shakespeare REALLY said was: 'A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.' OK. Now we are talking.

To quote Jodie Cook in her piece in Forbes magazine: "Holding a solid grasp of many concepts or decent proficiency in multiple skills can allow for flexibility, in a life and career."

I think this is especially true in the 21st century. Life is changing at the speed of light, and people need to be constantly evolving their skill set, their focus, even their careers. Jacks (and Janes) of all trades have been doing this for years. It's in their DNA.

I think this breadth of vision is especially important in the early years of career creation; especially if you are not really sure where you want to go.

"Picking an area and learning it inside-out is one way to begin a specialist career but trying lot of things can lead to self-discovery. To working out who you are and where your skills lie," writes Cook.

Now please note that I am not taking about 'dabbling'; by which I mean taking a superficial look at something, learning maybe 20% of what there is to learn on a subject then moving on. I am talking about people who put time and energy into learning all they can, and mastering as much as they can, about a particular subject.

I am constantly amazed by the wonderful twists and turns my life and career have taken because I threw myself into learning about something new that really interested me. Even if - on the surface - many these things seemed completely unrelated, in the fullness of time they actually joined together to create an invaluable skills map that I could take in any direction.

So... my advice to you is that if you find that you are getting bored of your life or career, or maybe it just doesn't have the fizz it once did, GO LEARN SOMETHING NEW!! Maybe it's something that has a practical application to what you already know; maybe it's something completely new, and is just about following your passion.

It's never been easier. There are so many short online courses you can sign up for to get a taste of what you are interested in. Also look at the program your local rec centers offer. Or go all out and have look at what's available at your local colleges or universities - or at their online options. There is something for every budget - both in terms of time and financial commitment.

Go learn something that you love. It will, at the very least, give you a new lease on life. It also may lead you to new wonderful places you never expected.

~

#workingonwisdom #startingover #golearnsomething #forbesmagazine #wisdom #inspiration #lifelonglearner

~

PS: You can read the full Forbes article here: (BTW... Forbes allows 4 free articles before you hit a pay wall!)

[ukiyokki]

mars reads too much dreamnotfound fanfiction for their own good

a dreamnotfound fanfic recommendation list by your resident dumbass (me)

this took way to fucking long... i’m tired

below is a (very extensive) list dedicated to all my favorite dnf fics, ranging from quick one shots to 100k+ word monstrosities that devour the storage on my computer, forever incomplete masterpieces to ongoing works of art, you get the idea. i provided links for each fic/series for your reading pleasure. there will be no smutty/nsfw fics on this list, that’s just not my vibe lmao. this list goes in no particular order, and i’ll update it from time to time when i feel like it. now, without further ado, let us begin.

Heat Waves (complete) by tbhyourelame

(wtf else did you expect, looking at a dnf rec list?) amazingly well written, and while it’s not my favorite dnf fic it’s damn near close. in the midst of a brutal heatwave, a suffering dream comes to terms with the fact that he is desperately in love with his best friend. everything i could say about this fic has already been said by nearly everyone who’s read it, so if you haven’t yet caved into the hype, just go for it. you won’t be disappointed.

Gonna be around (completed) by georgescatcafe

(mc irl) my favorite dnf oneshot to date. just read it, i don’t wanna spoil for you :)

Inferno in the Sky (ongoing)by zairielon

(star wars au) an ongoing star wars au currently clocking in at almost 200k words. need I say more? everything about it absolutely slaps, each chapter is amazingly written, and it’s just good. also, can we just appreciate dream and tubbos dynamic in here? 10/10, amazing, must protecc. oh right, a summary: george, an exiled padawan turned engineer, must return to the jedi temple after attacks on it from an unknown assailant threaten the safety of himself and the other jedi.

Like Magic (ongoing) by KangarooKen, NotGra55 (Gra55)

(harry potter au) the unofficial official dnf harry potter au. we watch the young unlikely wizard pair grow up together throughout their years at hogwarts as they battle good old fashioned wizard racism. beautifully written, incredibly fun and suspenseful, and just an overall blast and a half.

GeorgeNotFound, Son of Poseidon, and the League of Minor Gods (ongoing) by Clichewho_69, Cygnvs, Trash_Kinggg

(percy jackson au) percy jackson au? check. “road trip” (technically quest but u get what i mean)? check. enemies to friends to lovers? check. this fic follows the plot of the lightning theif (albeit loosely), but everything is explained enough where you don’t have to read percy jackson to understand what’s going on. basically after moving to the usa, george gets taken to camp halfblood where he learns that a) gods exist. b) he’s the son of poseidon and c) he needs to prove that he didn’t steal zeus’s master bolt.

Protected (completed) by aenqua

(royalty/camelot au) my favorite piece of dnf media of all time. dubbed the official dnf camelot au, where dream is the heir to the throne and george is a servants son with a secret that couldp get him killed. these childhood friends grow up together and learn trust, love, and acceptance. (that summary did not justice to the masterpiece that is this fic) here’s the directors cut

The Hunter (completed) by HederEgo

(mc irl) a choose your own adventure fic with 13 different endings, where dream the hunter must kill george and stop him from beater the ender dragon. enough said.

The official dream team cowboy AU (series)(ongoing) by antsu_in_my_pantsu

(cowboy au) cowboys and outlaws horses and shit. and the big gay. it’s a cowboy au, what else did you expect? fucking yee haw (all seriousness this is a great read, i loved it so so so so much and i can’t wait for the final chapter to release).

This is a Drista moment, let's just accept it (completed) by Qekyo

dnf fic from drista pov. considering its unique perspective, it’s perfectly done. beautifully showcases a sibling relationship through drista and her memories/moments with dream, and it just works, y’a know? also drista supremacy.

Dear Dream (completed) by Qekyo

(wwii au) i don’t cry when watching/reading anything sad. translation: i’m a heartless bitch. however, this fic is the only exception. it caused me to cry so hard my mom walked in my room and asked if i was ok. ‘nuff said.

TECHNOlogical Wingman (completed) by Closeted_Bookworm

techno is the autocorrect ai on dreams phone, and he gains sentience. interesting concept, and the author fucking nailed it. great fic.

It Was Only a Fic (ongoing) by imagineitdear

dream starts reading a dnf fanfic (we’ve all been there buddy).

Teacher’s Pet (ongoing) by niyuha

(teacher au) in which dream is a high school english teacher and george is the new comp sci teacher in room 297.

Saltwater Secrets (ongoing) by earlgay_milktea

(mermaid/high school au) a great example of the shear amount of variety in fics this fandom has to offer. when i started reading dnf fics i would have never thought i’d find one about a mermaid george hopelessly crushing on his human friend, who happens to be his schools star swimmer. yet here i am, and i am far from disappointed.

Smash My Heart (incomplete) by dontrollthedice

george and sapnap are commentators for duper smash brothers tournaments, and george develops a crush on an up and coming smash streamer named dream.

roleplaying in the dark is harder than it seems (completed) by Alienu

laser tag. 10/10

solar system (completed) by quartzfia

(mc irl) george vists dream in pandora’s vault.

Ramblings of a Lunatic (completed) by jungkooksfic

ahh communicating through a notebook left on a shelf in a bookstore- what a perfect way to start a relationship.

Paint me like your French Girls (It's Charcoal, Actually) (completed) by Turtle_ier

(artist au) george is an art student, and dream is a model.

00:00:00 (completed) by isleofdreams

(soulmate au) 00:00:00 is the moment you meet your soulmate, as indicated but the clock ticking down on your wrist until the moment you meet. i’m not a fan of soulmate aus; this fic is the exception.

Blue Skies Smilin' At Me (completed) by kivy

(artist au) i don’t usually cry while reading stuff, but this brought me damn near close. george is a painting conservator and chats it is with the ghost of the artist if the painting he is working on. they fall in a love.

Current Location (incomplete) by hendollana

(influencer au) george simps for a hot american instagram model. who knew he’d actually follow back?

The Withering (series) (series ongoing, 1 work completed) by App1e_Juice

(mc irl) lore and world building and fight scenes and everything i crave. what’s not to love? something starts making the plants and crops around dreams village wither, and must team up with new friends to find the cause of the mysterious disease plaguing the land.

Minecraft, But You Can't Leave (complete) by facadecake

(mc irl) dream and george are sucked into their own private minecraft world together and must beat the game to escape.

Free The Game, Beat the End (incomplete) by goatgoatwasfound

(mc irl) a glitch in minecraft causes thousands of players from around the world to be trapped inside minecraft, with only one way of escape- beating the ender dragon. first dnf fic i ever read, and it’s still 10/10 for me.

Why don't you come a little closer? (completed) by lifeofandoms

george gets stood up by a date, and Dream pretends he’s the date to save george from the embarrassment. simply adorable.

lightning bug (completed) by saintachesP

(band au) while on tour, dream realizes his feeling for george.

Hold me closer (completed) by Treesofmyheart

(mc irl/dsmp) i just,, really like this trope.

Dizzy on caffeine (completed) by GleamingGreenGoggles

(coffee shop au) best dnf coffeeshop au i’ve read. periodt.

living a life of crime isn’t always easy (series) (completed) by itisjosh

(mafia/assassin au) stockholm syndrome except it’s not weird.

Inhibitions Make Interesting Situations (completed) by Ship_On_The_Sea

i pissed myself laughing. it’s just a dream and george being hilariously dense, flustered idiots. serotonin central.

thy eternal summer shall not fade (completed) by gracequills

(high school au) that moment when you recite shakespeare to your crush in your ap lit class instead of confessing (hate it when that happens).

All is Fair in love and Football (ongoing) by graciegirl2001

(college au) #1 favorite college au. in which george is a cheerleader, and dream is the football teams rising star player. this one gets extra points because of the amazing karlnap moments sprinkled throughout. *chefs kisses air*

online love (completed) by andbutso

(high school au) online classes go zoooooooom

Can’t help falling (completed) by isleofdreams

dream re-learns the guitar to sing to george on his birthday. beautiful. fluffy. amazing

dance in the rain and my arms (completed) by lazy_kitkat

george is a rain god, and dream is a wind god

Weather Boy (completed) by DaintyDiizzle

wouldn't you like to know, weather boy? (where dream can control the rain)

The color orange (completed) by anon

(mc irl) dream describes the colors of a sunset

Family Mode (completed)by Strawberry_flavoured_tears

they’re dads :,)

Breathing Room (incomplete) by papercranes

(band an) an amazing band au. the mad lad author wrote original songs for each chapter. above and beyond, mad props :). unfortunately, it’s incomplete

Piece of Clay (completed) by carbonbrine

(artist au) george is a sculptor and his sculpture comes to life- but oh no he’s hot.

Try (completed) by Not4typicalwriter

(royalty au) george must choose a suitor, but none of them are up to dream, his head knights, standards. or dream is hella jelly. also protective dream is perfect

When the Roses Bloom (completed) by HederEgo

(royalty au) close second for my favorite fic. go to royalty au for a quick serotonin bost. it’s all fluff and flowers and crushes, and i love it. criminally underrated.

Heavenstruck (ongoing) by dontrollthedice

george is dreams guardian angel, and dream want to find out more about him and his past life. bittersweet :,)

Bang and Burn (completed) by App1e_Juice

(spy au) george accidentally falls for target number 1 on sapnap’s secret agency’s hit list. this ones great, i love me a spy au :)

Can I get a uhh… (completed) by lemonskies

dream keeps pulling up to the drive through mcdonald’s that george works at drunk.

Pretty Stranger (completed) by anon

when looking for dream in the terminal, george sees a cute guy and decides to flirt.

Take my Hand (completed) by latinbias

(royalty au) another royalty au? poggers. surprise twists? double poggers. love this a lot.

seconds, minutes, hours, lifetimes (complete) by meridies

ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP *inhales to compose herself* roadtrip au. unrequited love, ignored feelings, longing, pining, you know the drill. absolutely love this one, its the best roadtrip au i have ever read, in any fandom. (maybe cause i identify with it a little too much, but thats not important. whats important is that you read this fic. right now. im waiting).

Message redacted (complete) by justyouraverageloser

(text fic) dream asks for a girls number and realises hes been given the wrong number. however, an unexpected relationship starts to form between him and the stranger on the other end of the line.

the waves (completed) by anon

(mc irl) this fic was written by the same anon who wrote the color orange, which is up there on my fav dnf oneshot list. dream and george know they have a higher purpose. they don’t know where they came from, or why they are seemingly the only humans in the world, or how they feel about eachother, or even where the skeletons come from, but they are sure of one thing: they have to beat a dragon.

The Dream Doll (completed) by PeppDream (Pep_Pizza)

(voodoo i guess) i’m a real big fan of fics with really out there or unique concepts, so naturally this one makes the cut! i really liked it, it’s really sweet and made me think a lot about what matters to me in the world. george finds a strange doll in an antique shop, and would really like to just stuff it in a drawer and forget about it. sadly (?), the doll has other plans.

last updated February 6th, 2021

[1kook]

Hi Everyone, please read

tw// racism

First of all, I just wanna say I’m so grateful for all the nice anons and interactions I get to have with people here everyday. I live in a densely populated city so quarantine regulations were super tough when this all started in March and remain strict even all the way into October. I haven’t been able to see my friends a lot or anyone outside of my family and job, which really sucked, but it was fine because I had my blog! The beginning of September I had two fics that did so amazing and of which I am so thankful for their response, because with that came a lot of new anon friends!

I have been on tumblr since 2012, but I have never received the same amount of interaction as I do now. I’m so happy I can interact with people on here be it anonymous or not. I enjoy hearing ideas and doing my best to fulfill them, hearing about someone’s day, and laughing about stupid jokes. It’s gotten to the point where some have picked names and further fleshed out our friendships because of how close we’ve gotten!! I have had so much fun everyday asking stupid questions and getting equally as silly answers and it’s all because I was able to make people feel comfortable on my blog.

However, people are not always nice. That’s fine! It’s the internet, this will always happen. Rarely do I get hateful anons and rarely do I post the few I do get. Sometimes they’re funny and I laugh and go about my day. Most anons have been about my style as an author, the types of fics I put out, and for the most part, the similarity in all my fics. I’ll address this now. if you feel my fics are all the same then consider this.

1. I write fics FOR MYSELF about ideas I have and want to see, and post them FOR MYSELF. I don’t mean to sound cocky but at the end of the day every fic i have ever posted is just me filling my own imagination in a self indulgent way. They’re all the same because they’re all things I like??? Things I want to read??? No offense, but unless I am filling a requests, you’re GONNA SEE jk college au. jk boyfriend. jk dom/sub. jk this and this. Why? Because it’s my blog and I post what I like.

2. If you don’t like my fics.... don’t read them? I am not holding you at gunpoint to read these fics nor is anyone else. If you appear on my blog to complain about my fics ... okay?? I’m not gonna change them lmao. You’re not the target audience, so move along.

But truthfully speaking, this is not the main reason I am making this post. Do I care what people online think about my fics? Mmm not really. Writing fics is something I do in my free time as a hobby. I’ve never wanted to do this professionally lmao. I do it for fun when I’m bored or procrastinating. I have other hobbies I do too. I journal i paint i play soccer I listen to music. I frankly am not offended when people critique my work, especially not when they chose to do it through an anonymous message.

What DOES offend me is when people abuse the anonymous option to be spiteful and hateful, and use my ethnic background against me... OVER KPOP. OVER FAN FIC ABOUT KPOP.

Am I offended about the first part of the ask? No I don’t care. What I am disgusted and disturbed by is that you have been blatantly racist and ignorant not only to ME but to ALL OTHER POCS with the second half of your message. Being a POC writing for BTS is bad?? What do you prefer I write about? Shawn Mendes? Niall Horan? I’d rather choke. What do you even mean??? Am I supposed to write Can fic for completely unproblematic people?? Give me an example?? Furthermore, I am not black so for you to come in here and disrespect black people with your last comment is immature, disgusting, and racist. Go to hell.

I deleted the message. I always delete excessively rude messages. I was hoping it was a one time occurrence but nope. A few hours later.

My status as an undocumented immigrant is something I have shared on tumblr because it is my safe space and somewhere where no one in real life knows me. Did you think this was funny? Did you think I actually laughed? I didn’t. I won’t lie. This ask terrified me. You’re threatening to call ICE on me.... OVER KPOP? OVER FAN FICS OF KPOP? How old are you. How immature do you have to be to take it this far.

I deleted this message and turned off anon. I am not gonna let some anonymous grey sunglasses orb abuse the anonymous option like this. Honestly, I knew another message was bound to follow up and it did 🤗

thanks for showing me your face, doll. I reported your account and so did a bunch of friends of mine. It’s funny that you mention writing better content but your blog is only ten posts? 9 of which are reblogs of fan fics? What do you write babe? What do you do? Where do you post? As I’ve said before I frankly don’t care for writing advice, this is just a hobby. But if you’re going to claim you’re some modern day Shakespeare maybe have the proof to back it up. Also your first posts says you’re a black woman, but your first ask to me says POC shouldn’t enjoy BTS.... honey all your posts are about BTS. So what’s the truth? Do we enjoy them or not? Next time you feel some type of way towards me as a Mexican woman, don’t start off by hiding behind anon until I force you off, don’t disrespect me or other POCs, and don’t use a burner account like you did. And for the record. I barely believe you’re black, and honestly speaking, everything about your asks have racist undertones only a white person could carry out.

Anyway. I am posting this because I want to highlight just how difficult it is to be a POC in this fandom. Army preach about being this or being that. We love each other. We look out for each other. ARMY is family blah blah blah.

No we’re not.

I have been an ARMY since 2015. The only places I have ever found comfort within this fandom are with other POCs, and even then it is only a few people here and there. This random ass hoe that I have NEVER interacted with before decided to take the fact I am a POC and taunt me, attack me, harass me, whatever you want to call it, and didn’t come off anon until I forced them off.

I am so beyond tired of being a POC in this fandom. When will you all recognize that one “I stand by” post is never enough to support us. “I can’t be racist I support BTS’s message💜” shut the hell up. You kiss these men’s feet for being your woke kings but then turn around and say things like this. Was it fun? Was it cool parading around in your ‘I do whatever BTS does’ cloak? You guys pick and choose when you want to be a model ARMY, and then turn around do things like this. Over kpop. Your allyship means nothing when there are still people like this in fandom who try to bully me OVER KPOP. OVER JUNGKOOK. OVER A MAN WE DONT KNOW AND NEVER WILL KNOW.

Please don’t interact with this person. Please just block and report them.

Anon’s gonna be off for a while, thanks for reading.

[ravenvsfox]

ok I just saw another post floating around about how people absolutely have to be reading novels rather than fanfiction and I just want to gently lay my thoughts here so that I may rest.

First of all, I totally get that impulse! there’s so much merit in consuming complex long-form lit if you can; it’s always crucial to stay informed, and it’s very cool to be supportive of authors (especially those who are marginalized, and whose narratives have been erased).

But I’ve also seen a lot of this intense, morally superior attitude, which makes a lot of assumptions about what qualifies as fanfiction and what actually constitutes capital L Literature. There’s always this mentality of like ‘oh wow do you want to read rpf mpreg porn or do you want to read Joyce like a big boy’, which seems...... reductive

Fanfiction is a many splendored thing! People write all manner of fluff and porn, but they can also spend a great deal of time formulating plot, accumulating research, engineering original characters, elaborating upon world-building, racking up word counts, acquiring their own fanbases, etc, etc

Like I’m sure I don’t have to tell you why it’s problematic to put classic literature on a pedestal and relegate all fan-made works to obscurity, but even if it WASN’T problematic, it also loses much of the spirit of literary criticism!!

We could be having a much more nuanced conversation about commissioned Virgil, bawdy propagandist Shakespeare and trashy serialized Dickens, about parody, satire, print culture, and intertextuality. I was just reading Celia B Whitehead’s follow-up to Henry James’ The Bostonians called “Another Chapter of the Bostonians” under the pseudonym ‘Henrietta James’, and that’s fix-it fic baby! It’s critical and funny and self aware!

How long exactly does something have to be in the public domain for it to stop being a fan work and start being allusion? what are the criteria that separate fic from literature? It can’t be word count, or hours logged, or drafting/editing processes, because those are so similar in the fic writing community that they would be impossible to sift out. Is it just about originality? publishability? 

Can YOU pinpoint the moment that fanfiction becomes literature? Is it when you “command F--replace all” those pesky copyrighted names? is THAT the only border between trash and art? Shouldn’t we talk about that a bit more?

People write fanfiction that is more original content than reference material, and classical authors heavily appropriate their favourite characters, tropes, and settings, and those two behaviours bear strikingly similar fruit. 

It’s easy to cry inexperience and completely discard fanfiction, and it’s easy to uphold a seminal text and thereby dodge the gruelling work of demystifying its production or retroactively putting slippery, playful, metatextual writing into categories. But man I really think you do literature a disservice when you paint with so broad a brush. 

And in the meantime, what’s the merit of casting aspersions on an accessible form of writing for readers and authors alike? It’s free, it’s creative, it’s bombastic (I could also talk about how it belongs largely to young women and queer ppl, and how the disdain kind of.. stinks), it’s an unfathomable array of things, like all art.

If you want to talk about diverse creators, revitalizing the canon, and reading to expand your horizons, fab! Of course I think people should read books if they can, but not everyone has a consistent attention span, ability, energy, or desire. (Also if you think people who read and write fanfiction literally don’t read or write anything else I..... don’t know what to say to you.) Reading online articles and fan works because it’s easier to curate your reading experience is.... fine actually. 

Reducing fanfiction to amateurish nonsense is often mean-spirited, but like mainly it displays a pretty glaring gap in your understanding of the genre. I promise it’s more useful to elevate your criticism beyond ‘fan work bad.. lazy... horny’ and ‘books good! acceptable to enjoy! I am very intelligent!’

Also I don’t really see people demanding that people stop consuming fanart and start consuming “real art”, maybe because it’s more obvious that much of the same technical skill goes into both, which is good to keep in mind when you’re filled with righteous anger and moral superiority because a community is sharing art.

And frankly, it’s a super interesting subculture, if you truly cared about literary or cultural studies. There’s a lot to get into: the increased impact and visibility of fan works with the advent of internet culture, the mutual influence of creator and audience, the way that stylistic mimicry/translation is a unique skill unto itself, the linguistic rules that have been created to label and circulate specific content i.e.: rarepair, AU, angst vs fluff, PWP, slow burn, etc.

Like I’m in grad school for the express purpose of reading books & I obviously think they’re Good, so that’s exactly why I think it’s dangerous to start closing off certain avenues of literary engagement because we’ve arbitrarily decided that they’re worthless :/

[hacawijo]

Hi there

I just saw your post about the whole elithianart situation and it’s pretty sad that this artist is getting harassed. I completely agree that this harassment does absolutely nothing positive.

I’m not sure as a fellow Elriel how to navigate the ACOTAR fandom in the midst of this ship war. What can we do (not just elriels) to make the energy less negative in this fandom because currently it’s very volatile.

Anyway, just keep up the wonderful posts and I hope you’re staying safe👋

Hi!

Thank you so much for this question, I think it’s so good to be thinking about ways that everyone can reduce toxicity in the fandom. I got a LOT FOR Y’ALL. I’m a Gemini sun with a Gemini in Mercury and a Cancer rising, I usually have a lot of feelings and a lot to say 😂 (my Taurus moon keeps me sane).

I have a bunch of ideas for everyone:

More often than not, you can save it for your private discords and group chats. I understand that folks need to blow off steam and talk about takes they can’t stand, but we need to be doing the vast majority of this in private, safe spaces, because sub-blogging someone on Tumblr or commenting on something that doesn’t live in your ship tag is needless. You are NEVER GOING TO CHANGE THAT PERSON’S MIND, and very few people are ever going to respond positively to being publicly called out. DMs work when you want to talk to a specific person about what they’ve said, they’ve worked for me! If you’re having trouble finding a safe group chat or discord, please feel free to DM me. I won’t judge you for the ship you’re looking to discuss! I’ll just connect you with someone involved in that ship who might have some more info about a private chat :)

Now, sometimes there are things we need to say out loud, and sometimes we need to publicly call out posts that are in the wrong tag or to defend someone being harassed in real time. I get that, but folks need to remember that online communication doesn’t have the advantage of being face-to-face, which means we REALLY need to hold ourselves accountable, because the look on someone’s face or their tone or tears isn’t going to do it for us. Be respectful, speak from personal experience, and try not to assume that someone is sub-blogging/vague-ing you and only you. Most of the time, people have seen an idea repeated over and over, and that’s why they need to independently post about it.

I also see a lot about “bad faith” communication. It does absolutely happen, and people are well within their right to express it if they feel that’s what’s happening. But there is a reason that the word ‘faith’ is in there. It sucks and feels annoying and maybe even like you’re “giving in,” to assume best intentions, but this fandom is not gonna work if we don’t make an effort to do that. At the same time, EVERYONE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INTENT AND IMPACT. If someone tells you that your post hurt them, your first reaction should not be to defend yourself or tell them they read it wrong. Your first reaction should be something like “it was not my intention to cause harm, but nonetheless I did, and I’m really sorry about that.” That will only make you look like a good, thoughtful person, there is no downside to that apology.

Now for stuff that’s a little more fun. There’s no way we all love these niche books by this niche author and have less in common than we do. We can take some armistice times and days to discuss things that aren’t so heated. I often try to comment on the non-ship-related posts of folks who are die-hard Elucien or Gwynriel, because that’s how we remember that we’re all just people and that none of us are defined by a single opinion that we have. Appreciation weeks are a great way for us to come together! I also think that we could definitely spend more time finding common jokes and laughs as opposed to mocking others. There’s plenty to discuss, from Sarah’s most-used phrases to Cassian the Clueless. If there’s one place we must be able to find common ground, it’s in humor.

Also I want to be clear, there’s a difference between shipping specific couples and stanning specific characters AND being anti- for the sake of being anti-. A lot of people hate Elain, and a lot of the time it seems like it’s because she’s feminine. A lot of people seem to hate everyone but Nesta, and in that case I TRULY am curious as to why they are reading these ensemble-based books 😂 I also don’t like it when people put down Sarah and her writing and others for trying to find clues in that writing. YOU DON’T NEED TO TELL PEOPLE SHE’S NOT SHAKESPEARE, WE ALL KNOW THAT. Doesn’t mean her writing doesn’t have merit, and it definitely doesn’t mean what she does doesn’t require skill. If what she did were so easy and cheap, I doubt this many people would be so attached to her work - which is pretty much unlike anything else I’ve ever read (I’ve never quite found a romance fantasy that I love the way I love Sarah’s books). With this kind of negativity, my advice is to block-block-block. You don’t need that on your dash.

[fateology]

hiiii so i know u like classics/ancient roman stuff — how does one get into that? like what books do u recommend etc etc

HELLO and ok i’m so not an authority on this because i’m really just getting into the classical antiquity scene myself..but probably the start of my ancient rome madness was shakespeare’s julius caesar which i CANNOT stress enough slaps so hard. ***not like fully historically accurate i gather, but i love the drama and i’ve been delighted that actually most of roman politics WAS that dramatic in reality. cut bc i love to run my mouth

in terms of books i haven’t been reading that much because school term :-// but i read erich segal’s classical comedy anthology (aristophanes’ birds, menander’s samia, plautus’ menaechmi, terence’s eunuchus) recently because i wanted something free and easy and i liked the roman ones (plautus & terence)! recommend if you’d like something mindless (though ancient comedy does still tell u important stuff about society at the time) BUT much caution because as with a lot of classical antiquity the plays deal heavily with rape and misogyny (ancient comedian voice: watch how hard i can hate women!!!)

for poetry i’ve been in the middle of ovid’s metamorphoses (horace gregory’s translation) for a while but i like what i’ve read, like that the myths are split and small enough to uhh eat one at a time. ovid = snack real…….other stuff on my reading list are rubicon and attis by tom holland who other than being a critically acclaimed young british actor has also written some fantastically insightful historical non fiction …… this is a joke clap if you wish

what i HAVE been consuming however is loads of podcasts. they’re fantastic because i can put them on while i’m doing work..it’s really like SING MUSE! OF THE BATTLE OF PHILIPPI. come hither fair bard and play me some mother f*cking odes. in particular The Ancients which is on spotify and has loads of stuff on ancient history and the like; the guests on the show are all historians/classicists who’ve written about the content of their episode so if you like the topic you can do the further reading really conveniently. i recall that battle of philippi episode in particular made me very upset about cassius and the collapse of the roman republic….it’s a little scattered sometimes but i like it because it makes me feel like i’m piecing together gossip bit by bit. E.G. i think on one of the cicero episodes they mentioned his clodius feud and i, very unlearned at the time, went CLODIUS? OF THE CATULLUS BITTER BREAKUP POETRY FAME? WHO IS THIS GUY and i found other episodes of other podcasts about him and they just kept saying things. the scandals didn’t stop. #problematicfave #prettyboysupreme #legitimateplebeiantribune #gangleader

speaking of catullus YES also read catullus’ poetry. most of it you can find online and gay people on tumblr me included do translations like they’re being held at gunpoint (honestly maybe one of my favourite ways to consume translated works though it’s about the personal yet communal nature of it….sharing verses..sigh..) AND—re podcasts, i heard the cicero audio drama is really good, but it costs a bit to listen to and i haven’t figured out how debit cards work so that’s on hold for me rn, but i’m PLOTTING

ik you asked about ancient rome but ...read war music by christopher logue recently and ooohhh goodness. it’s great!!! i love fight scenes and the like so i suppose it appealed directly to me but it’s really cool in general (iliad books 16-19 translation/adaptation but guy didn’t speak greek at all! and it F*CKED! my idol). i’m in the middle of cold calls atm. i’d recommend the actual iliad but i can’t yet because i’m terrible, glossed it until i got to the river fight scene and haven’t gotten around to my reread, though i like caroline alexander’s translation a fair bit from what i remember. anne carson has loads of really good stuff but i’m biased bc autobiography of red cracked my head open and drank the meat the first time i read it. Float’s a great collection too and has the plus side of looking really pretty in a shelf. also gotta start the euripides play collection i got, eventually…! will update

[lingthusiasm]

Transcript Episode 49: How translators approach a text

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 49: How translators approach a text. It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 49 show notes page.

[Music]

Lauren: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Lauren Gawne.

Gretchen: I’m Gretchen McCulloch. Today, we’re getting enthusiastic about the relationship of the translator and the text. But first, we’re heading into Lingthusiasm anniversary month! This is our fourth anniversary of doing Lingthusiasm, and we’re really excited that we’re still doing this four years later.

Lauren: We love a bit of reflection and nostalgia. The month of November is always an opportunity to be grateful that we have another year of Lingthusiasm. We have a whole 12 great main episodes. We have 12 more bonus episodes. As with every year, if you want to share a link to your favourite episode, November is an especially nice time to do it.

Gretchen: There are still people in this world who don’t know that they could be listening to a fun podcast about linguistics that makes them feel like they’re at a linguistics party instead of doing the dishes. You could help people find them. Most people still find podcasts through word of mouth. Every year we’ve done this in November, we see a big spike in people listening to the show and finding the show. If you wanna share on social media, we are very happy to thank you if you tag us in things.

Lauren: If you want to share off social media, please accept our deepest gratitude non-publicly for sharing shows as well.

Gretchen: Or, if you share Lingthusiasm privately and you still wanna be thanked, feel free to tell us about it on social media. We will still give you a little heart thank you comment. Yes, thank you already for all of the support that you’ve given the show over the years.

Lauren: If you like things additional to podcasts, because we are coming up to the holiday season, it’s also a good time to think about some Lingthusiasm merch or a copy of Because Internet. It’s a pretty great book. I like it. It’s available in paperback now. These things make great gifts.

Gretchen: We now also have annual memberships on Patreon. That could make a great gift to gift somebody to listen to more Lingthusiasm episodes as well as access to the Discord for an online linguistics community.

Lauren: Our most recent bonus episode was about honorifics as a way of being polite to someone either through the title you choose or a variety of linguistic strategies.

Gretchen: You get access to the honorifics bonus as well as 43 other bonus episodes and new bonus episodes every month by going to patreon.com/lingthusiasm.

[Music]

Gretchen: So, Lauren, I’m gonna talk to you about Beowulf.

Lauren: I know this because you have been messaging me for weeks about how we have to talk about Beowulf.

Gretchen: There’s a new translation of Beowulf. I’m really excited. This made me want to build an entire episode around the translator’s relationship to the text because this new translation of Beowulf does a really cool job of it, and I wanna talk about it.

Lauren: I don’t think you’ve been this excited about a translated text since Emily Wilson translated The Odyssey. I’m pretty sure that’s what motivated our 18th episode on word translation.

Gretchen: You are not wrong about this. I think there’s a similar excitement that I have which is old texts – texts that are a thousand-plus years old that have been translated so many different times by so many different people – it feels like it’s hard for someone to do something new with a translation of them. And yet, here people are doing that, which is exciting to me. This is the new translation of Beowulf by Maria Dahvana Headley. She’s done some really cool things with translating Beowulf as a feminist text. It’s a text that uses very modern style language in this thousand-year-old epic poem of Old English literature.

Lauren: I feel like when it comes to translating, before you even translate one single word, there’s all these decisions that a translator has to make. In Episode 18, we looked at translation, but we looked at word-to-word translation. And that’s definitely one part of a translator’s job, but they have so many more decisions to make. It is such an impressive job, and it’s why it’s as much an art form as it is a technical skill to translate something well. So, what are some of the big decisions that Headley made before even starting to translate Beowulf?

Gretchen: One of the things about Beowulf is, as an oral poem, it has this intricate rhyme scheme. The Old English rhyme scheme is based on half lines. Each line has two halves and there needs to be an alliterative bit in one half that is repeated in the second half.

Lauren: So, Old English is way more interested in alliteration compared to our modern English obsession with rhyming. That’s one of the stylistic features you find in Old English.

Gretchen: It’s all about the beginning of the words rather than the ends. Trying to figure out, okay, how much am I gonna use alliteration? How much am I gonna try to represent – because we can do alliteration in modern English – how much am I gonna try to represent the existing rhyme scheme? Where am I gonna try to put it in actual rhymes like you would do in modern English – if you’re writing a poem, you might rhyme it? What am I gonna do with the metre? She’s produced this really oral text that uses a certain amount of modern slang as well in ways that are really effective. One example is there’s a dragon in Beowulf, and the dragon at one point is described as “Putting the world on blast.”

Lauren: Nice.

Gretchen: To some extent, this is modern slang, but it’s also a very literal thing that a dragon can do. It’s not using modern slang for gratuitous – like, there’s no “lols” or “omgs” in this text. It’s not like here’s this facile text-speak version of Beowulf. It’s what are the bits here that actually work with the metre and the rhyme scheme but also not shying away from using a modern idiom where a modern idiom really works.

Lauren: It’s interesting to put this in contrast to the other most famous version of Beowulf in translation that I know of which is Seamus Heaney’s from somewhere in the middle of the 20th Century where I feel like he tried to capture the mythical grandeur of Old English and chose very stoic, solid sounding Old English words. I don’t think he would’ve had the dragon “putting the world on blast.”

Gretchen: Well, I don’t think he would’ve – I think it came out in 1999, this translation. In some ways his translation is fairly vernacular, but he tries to do that in a different sense. Can I read you the first bit of the Headley translation and the Heaney translation?

Lauren: Yeah. This is super fun.

Gretchen: Okay. A big thing about Beowulf translations is the first word which in Old English is “Hwaet.” That has gotten repurposed as a meme, which we’re not gonna get into much detail about. Some people translate that as like, “Lo!” or “Hark!” or “Listen!” or something like this. Heaney translates that as “So,” which has already got a certain level of vernacularity to it. His first three lines go, “So, the Spear-Danes in days gone by and the kings who ruled them had courage and greatness. We have heard of those princes’ heroic campaigns.” This is very stately and like, “Here’s this thing you’re gonna do.” If you compare that with the first three lines of the Headley translation, the new one, she translates this “Hwaet” as “Bro.”

Lauren: Hm, that’s a very different tone.

Gretchen: It’s a very modern tone. I mean, you could pick a whole bunch of very modern things like “Yo” or “Hey all,” but specifically the reason she picks “Bro” is because she wants to highlight the bro culture-ness of this entire story. You can see that in the next couple lines which is, “Bro, tell me we still know how to speak of kings. In the old days, everyone knew what men were – brave, bold, glory bound. Only stories now, but all sound the Spear-Dane song, hoarded for hungry times.” It just leaps off the page in a way that really excites me.

Lauren: Yeah, no “princes” there.

Gretchen: Right. “Kings who ruled had courage and greatness” – “The men were bold.”

Lauren: The thing I always love about Beowulf is that it’s a millennium-old oral poem that happened to be written down, and a millennium ago people were like, “Let me tell you about the olden days.” [Laughter]

Gretchen: Right, it still takes place in this semi-mythic space, and it uses a certain stylised language that we even think was stylised at the time. You’re always picking between some kind of stylisation. There’s no neutral choice that exists. All of the choices are recreations at some level.

Lauren: I mean, it is kind of weird to think you’re translating from English into English, but it just shows how much the language has moved on because reading Beowulf if you don’t know Old English is an incredibly uncomfortable attempt to just guess some words that have retained some familiarity. I always find it interesting that you have to translate. And then because English went through enough changes by Shakespeare, we kind of put up with all of the features of Shakespeare that aren’t immediately obvious to us.

Gretchen: Right. But Beowulf is really this alien text. Like, “Hwaet. We Gardena” – and “Gardena” is “Spear-Danes,” but we don’t have “Spear-Danes,” and “Gardena” is not obviously related to those. There’s this great miniseries from The History of English Podcast that does a very in-depth line-by-line reading of Beowulf which I enjoyed a while back.

Lauren: My one semantic anecdote from that series is “Gar-Danes” as in “Spear-Danes” – garlic is the “spear-leek.”

Gretchen: Yes, it is!

Lauren: Because it’s like a little spear.

Gretchen: It’s like a little spear-leek. I love that anecdote. It’s interesting to be reading Beowulf at the same time that my book club is actually reading The Tale of Genji.

Lauren: Ah, from like a similar – Genji’s also a millennium old, yeah?

Gretchen: Yeah! In some sense it’s like Beowulf and Genji are kind of contemporaries.

Lauren: But they’re very much not contemporaries. Beowulf is about warrior bro culture in the Old English setting, whereas Genji is a Japanese court drama.

Gretchen: I don’t think they would’ve gotten along. I think they would’ve just found each other completely incomprehensible. Genji’s also one of those classic texts that’s been translated a whole bunch of different times in a whole bunch of different ways. For one thing, you’re translating from a much older version of Japanese. There are modern Japanese translations of The Tale of Genji as well. And then you’re also translating into a different cultural context. But the cultural context for Beowulf is also very weird. Like, I don’t do going and fighting monsters under lakes any more than I do writing haikus about the moon. In fact, I’m probably more likely to write a haiku about the moon than I am to go fight a monster under a lake if we wanna talk about relatability.

Lauren: Everything I know about Genji is because one of my colleagues in the Languages Department at La Trobe is a Genji studies scholar. It’s one of those pieces of work that is so big and so canonical that it has its own literary studies tradition associated with it. I also really love my colleague because the other part of her expertise is cosplay studies. I think it’s such a great combination of Japanese cultural experience there – Genji and cosplay.

Gretchen: I mean, what more do you want? The neat thing about reading Tale of Genji at the moment is because I’m reading it as part of a book club through Argo Bookshop – which is a bookstore that did the book launch party for Because Internet and I really like them – they’re having this Tale of Genji book club, and we’ve been reading it throughout the year a few chapters at a time because it’s over 1,000 pages. It’s huge. So, we’ve been reading it section by section, and different members of the book club have picked different translations into English of the same work.

Lauren: Ah, cool! Are there radical differences between the translations? Or do they all try and go for a literal approach?

Gretchen: They’re really different. One of the big things with Genji is at the time in 11th Century Japan it was considered very rude in the court to refer to people by their actual names. None of the characters in the original Tale of Genji manuscript have names, except for maybe Genji. So, you can imagine reading a thousand-page book where none of the characters have names is a bit of a feat of the imagination.

Lauren: Yes.

Gretchen: Different translations – and a lot of them have conventional names that literary scholars have used to talk about the characters. For example, Lady Fujitsubo lives in the Fujitsubo, which is the western pavilion, and so she gets called in the tradition “Fujitsubo” because that’s where she lives, and this kind of stuff. Or Murasaki gets called that after a flower, I think, the character. In some translations, they just use these conventional use names as if they’re the actual names of the characters. In some translations, they just use descriptions like the original text did, and they don’t really refer to characters by even pretend names or use names.

Lauren: So, one of them is trying to strive for cultural authenticity, and the other one is trying to just help the poor confused reader a little bit more, and that’s choices that each translator has decided to make.

Gretchen: Exactly. You also have other types of decisions like, “Are you going to try to” – because it’s a court drama, you have all these court positions. Are you going try to map those positions onto a western court so that people understand what a chancellor is? Or are you going to try to use those as a more direct translation of what the specific terms were at the time? That’s just different decisions that different translations can use.

Lauren: When you meet as a book club, is everyone following along, or is there a lot of clarifying across translations? Such an interesting little exercise.

Gretchen: Well, the nice thing is, is the division into different chapters is very constant, so we can be like, “Okay, we’re reading Chapters 6 to 10 now. We’re gonna talk about what happens in those.” But sometimes you do pull something up, and you’re like, “Okay, so this bit where this thing was said, do we think Genji is kinda misogynistic here?” And somebody will say, “Well, in my translation, it doesn’t actually seem like he’s misogynistic.” And here’s what’s going on in this particular translation versus that particular translation. And how much of it is the translator bringing their own preconceived notions of how people relate to each other? Because some of these translations are from the 1920s or something. People may have had different politics there. And how much of that is in the original text which was composed by a woman who we don’t know that much about? But it’s the first modern novel. It’s an interesting like, “How much are you going to try to westernise this book for a western audience?” Which some of the older translations do a bit more with the westernisation adaptation because people in the west hadn’t heard of Genji very much before. You do all this adaptation for your English-speaking readers. Whereas, more recent translators, people tend to have a higher degree of expectations of fidelity when it comes to a more modern translation. Sometimes they try to do that. And, you know, how many footnotes do you have? How much do you try to explain additionally? How much do you try to just make the text stand on its own as a story?

Lauren: So many choices to make as a translator. I’m eternally grateful to people who do this and make it appear so effortless while doing so much work bringing all of this context together.

Gretchen: It’s really neat. I’m not gonna read this 1,000-page book five different times in five different translations, but being able to experience portions of those translations vicariously through other people talking about, “Oh, here’s what happened in this one, here’s what happened in this one,” it does let you do this interesting comparative textual study.

Lauren: I’ve been thinking about translation in practice a lot lately because having worked with P. M. Freestone on their Shadowscent books, “The Darkets Bloom” and “Crown of Smoke,” these books have gone into translation in a whole bunch of languages, mostly European languages to date – Spanish, German, French, Russian, and Polish. I’m very excited about the upcoming Hungarian translation which will the first outside of the Indo-European language. But these translations involve a couple of things that are really interesting in that, in these books, I worked on creating the Aramteskan language, and for this language to work across different languages, sometimes it gets technically transliterated, or you need to add a different type of plural. For example, Russian has a different alphabet to English and so you need to fit this language into the Russian Cyrillic alphabet.

Gretchen: You’re not trying to pretend that Aramteskan is always written with the Latin alphabet. Even when the book itself is in Russian, you’re like, we’re gonna transliterate it into Cyrillic?

Lauren: No, translators have very much done what they think is most appropriate. I have a habit of buying these translations now and checking out what they’ve done because they’re not just translating from English into another language, they also have to translate this completely fictional language and this fictional world into that language as well. It’s one thing to maybe study in-depth Old English warrior culture or Japanese court culture and decide what to bring across, but with a fantasy world, there’s all kinds of choices you have to make as a translator as well.

Gretchen: Yeah, like what are you gonna do with the magic system? Or if you’ve invented all of these words for different scents or something, then they have to figure out some sort of equivalent of inventing those words for the other language.

Lauren: There’s a lot of scent vocabulary even in the English that P. M. Freestone has written in, so really taxing that part of the translator’s repertoire. One thing that’s been particularly interesting and that there’s been some discussion on how to manage is that in this world, both in the historical part of the world and the contemporary part of the world, the culture and the grammar allow for gender neutral third person like the English modern use of “they,” which Kirby Conrod gave a great interview about how that works in contemporary English. In fact, I did a little historical evolution of the pronoun system that fits with the story of the world where originally there was no gender distinction in the pronoun system, which fits with the old religious system of the world. And the religious system evolved younger gods that are all gendered, and the pronoun system evolved genders at the same time while still having that scope for gender neutral. Without spoiling too much, but a character that pops up in Book One and is much more a part of Book Two is gender fluid within the world. That works for current English because we have gender neutral singular they, but there are some languages like Czech or like Russian that the book’s being translated into where there isn’t that flexibility in the linguistic system. So, decisions have to be made about how that is negotiated in the translation.

Gretchen: Do you know what they did?

Lauren: I don’t know what they did for Russian yet, but I believe the solution in Czech is at various times this character is overtly identified using masculine and at other times using feminine – being much more flexible about the duality of their relationship with gender.

Gretchen: This reminds me of a thing that I heard Ada Palmer talk about at a conference panel with her book “Too Like the Lightning” and the sequels, which are set in this far future of English – well, far future and they’re written in English – in which singular they is used for everybody except when you’re writing in this faux-archaic style with “thous” and “thees” and “hes” and “shes.” It’s very marked at that point. Ada Palmer was talking about how this was translated into French where in modern English the progressive thing that people do is like, “Oh, we can use singular they. That’s very progressive.” In modern French, the progressive thing that people do is they make feminine versions of all of the professions.

Lauren: Right.

Gretchen: You have feminine versions of “professor” or “doctor” or these kinds of things to try and make the gender more visible. And so erase the gender in the French version wouldn’t have the same effect – where you’d end up using the default masculine or something in the French version – it wouldn’t have the same effect as using singular they all the time in the English version. There are modern French pronouns like “iel” that have been coined to solve this problem of using a gender neutral third person pronoun, but it wouldn’t work to use them in this particular case because the style is supposed to be faux-archaic. What the translator ended up doing was digging out this French pronoun “on,” which in the modern form “on” is used like “we” or like “one does this.” It’s related to like, “One does this.” There’s an older usage of “on” which is like a non-specific third person pronoun as well that – I speak French, but I didn’t know about this archaic form. And the translator went and looked for what other historic pronoun things could I do and ended up doing with “on” thing, which is a really interesting adaptation.

Lauren: The thing I find interesting is if you were – 50 years ago, you didn’t have the grammatical resources in English to use singular they for a specific person. It’s something that’s really only emerged in the last couple of decades. I think the translator has felt frustrated to not have – you know, you sometimes feel like you’ve got this road block because you don’t have resources in one language that you have in another and you have to innovate. I did have a colleague in Italian studies tell me that they read a whole novel once where the gender of one of the characters was deliberately written around and avoided in a way that was an incredibly artful, thoughtful translation. It is possible that you could maybe do this with this character in the Shadowscent books, but it would be such –

Gretchen: But you couldn’t do it with the whole world in the Terra Ignota books because all of the characters would have to have that.

Lauren: Yeah. And you could do that amount of heavy lifting at the cost of some other things, but when you’re doing an efficient translation for a commercial novel, you don’t have the resources to really max out your art and strategy in that way. It’s interesting that, you know, translation is a really resource-intensive activity even to just do a good translation, let alone an incredibly strategic and thoughtful translation.

Gretchen: Even translating one word, like that word at the beginning of Beowulf, involves thinking about, “Okay, what kind of relationship do I want this word to have to the rest of the text? What am I trying to set up here in relationship to the whole text? Where do I see this attention-getting word as going?” Like, what the text as a whole is doing, which is this interesting question. I should say, speaking of translation news, this is very hot off the presses, but I have received news that there are gonna be translations of Because Internet into Persian, Chinese, and Japanese. So, all – well, Persian is an Indo-European language, but it has a different writing system, and then two non-Indo-European languages. I don’t know anything else about the details yet.

Lauren: This is news that I didn’t even know. This is very exciting.

Gretchen: It’s very recent, yes. It’s not – I dunno. I will have official links when they exist. They won’t exist for, I dunno, probably a couple years. I dunno how long it’ll take them to do. I know nothing.

Gretchen: The surreal thing about translation means that you will see you work and not be able to read it. There’s something so amazing and magical about that, that words you have created are finding new audiences – you know, there’s a lot of trust in the translator in those contexts.

Gretchen: Yeah, and I don’t know if I’m gonna get to have any say in who they get to translate it and how much they know about the internet or things like that.

Lauren: Translating non-fiction is an entirely different process because you’re not translating an internal narrative world as much as you are potentially translating something that explains how this world that we live in right now exists, or how a set of historical realities existed. That also takes deftness and skill.

Gretchen: And you’re potentially trying to translate technical vocabulary between one language or another, which isn’t necessarily the same as, “Okay, we need to keep the characters’ names consistent. It’s like, “We need to use this word that has a technical meaning in its technical sense.” Speaking of non-fiction translation, I dunno if you’ve been following in translation news relatively recently, there’s been a lot of things going on with the Scots language Wikipedia.

Lauren: Yes, I did read about this. So, Scots language is a language in the same family as English. It has a lot of similarities with English but is considered its own “variety,” using that very deliberate linguist term where you don’t commit to just how much it’s a dialect or its mutual intelligibility with other varieties that its related to. And it has its own Wikipedia.

Gretchen: Scots is kind of like, as an English speaker, I’ve always been kind of jealous of people who speak Dutch or German or something because they can kind of understand each other a bit. Or Spanish and Portuguese and Italian because they can kind of approximate understanding each other to some extent even if they haven’t formally learned the languages. I’ve always been like, “Why doesn’t English have some closer neighbours?” But I hadn’t been thinking about Scots when I was thinking that. Scots is probably English’s closest neighbour but is still a distinct language and, especially, there are grammatical differences and there are a lot of political reasons as well why people consider it its own language. However, [laughs] the Scots language Wikipedia, which has all of these articles written in Scots, had apparently been being edited for the last seven years by an American teenager who didn’t know any Scots and was just looking up the English articles in a Scots-English dictionary word-by-word and just picking the first word of the translation and subbing that in for the Scots word.

Lauren: This has been such a difficult story to read because everyone throughout this process has acted in the best faith. This teenager wasn’t doing this for any reason other than a passion for sharing knowledge on Wikipedia and a passion for seeing the Scots Wikipedia grow but with a really uncritical approach to translation. You can see where translation really does require this understanding of vocabulary choice and style choice and how it can all go really, really wrong.

Gretchen: Yeah, it’s really painful because this person started when they were, like, 12, and we have all believed very foolish things about the world when we were 12. It’s just many of us didn’t write thousands of Wikipedia articles in a language that is just really not the way anybody who actually speaks this language actually writes because it’s cobbled together badly from a dictionary. It’s this very painful, “Oh, no! You thought you were helping.” And yet Wikipedia is used as the basis of a lot of machine translation, and language detection, various natural language processing tools, and so this has been potentially sabotaging the efforts to try to create other machine tools in Scots because they’ve all been in this weird dictionary-a-fied version of English.

Lauren: It’s been really heartening to see the Scots language community and the Scottish Wikipedia community come together to figure out a strategy for how to approach cleaning house – I guess it’s the biggest spring clean ever, right – how to approach this, like, thousands and thousands of articles with this very strange approach to translation.

Gretchen: It illuminates one of the issues with smaller language Wikipedias in general which is that they may only have a few active editors because to be a Wikipedia editor is to be a volunteer. It takes a long time to translate things or to write articles. If you’re a language like English, you can have tens of thousands of editors. But if you’re a language like Scots which has many fewer speakers, you may only have a dozen active editors of which maybe one of them is a well-meaning but very clueless American teenager.

Lauren: We’ve both done lots of Wikipedia editing. We have run LingWiki events to improve linguistics content on Wikipedia. It’s challenging enough to write these articles in one language that I am proficient in. I’m always in awe of people who choose to translate and support content in their second or third languages because it is a non-trivial task to translate really complicated information in a way that is really clear.

Gretchen: Translation is a technical task that is one of those things that looks at all of the different levels of language where you have some things at the individual word, or even sound, or if you’re trying to translate poetry and you wanna make it beautiful in a very aesthetic sense with the physical properties of language, all the way up to words and sentences and structure and these discourse-y particles like “Hwaet” at the beginning where you’re trying to picture a whole framing device for the structure of an entire tone of a narrative. Or if you’re trying to pick, “Okay, how are we going to treat technical vocabulary that maybe has been borrowed from English?” because its scientific vocabulary that was invented from English, how are you gonna treat that when it gets borrowed into Scots? Trying to figure out how to make these technical decisions is non-trivial. It’s this very interesting train wreck. It can go spectacularly right when you have this very clever decision for a dragon to put the world on blast, and it can also go spectacularly wrong when you just say, “Okay, I’m gonna look through a dictionary and then pick the first word I encounter.”

Lauren: One of the great things about appreciating a good translation is that language never takes a break. Culture continues to change, and we move further away from the era of Beowulf. We move into new cultural settings and new cultural expectations. It means that there is space for new translations that bring new approaches, or try something different, or aim for really capturing something about the language of the era it was created in, or set an old story in a radically new setting. Even when you find a really satisfying translation, you know there’s still possibilities for finding other interesting ways to engage with the text.

Gretchen: I think that’s a thing that’s exciting about both the translations of these thousand-year-old texts, whether Beowulf or Tale of Genji, where they go through lots of different authors who put their own spin on the translation. And also thinking of Wikipedia as a place for translation where you have multiple authors working together on the same shared text, and a bunch of different people – like Scots Wikipedia has been having these Wikipedia edit-a-thons to try to clean the place up. You have a whole bunch of contributors that are finding out about this need because of this story and coming in and working on the text together and contributing to the shared text. In many ways, even though each of these editions of the translations are published as their own book for book-length ones, it’s this very intimate relationship that you can have with a text when you’re trying to render it in a different language or in a different textual interpretation.

[Music]

Gretchen: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves, IPA ties, and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book about internet language is called Because Internet.

Lauren: I tweet and blog as Superlinguo. Have you listened to all the Lingthusiasm episodes and you wish there were more? You can access to 44 bonus episodes right now to listen to at patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Patron also get access to our Discord chatroom to talk with other linguistics fans and other rewards as well as helping to keep the show ad-free. Recent bonus topics include pangrams, honorifics, and linguistics with kids. If you can’t afford to pledge, that’s okay, too. We really appreciate it if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life, especially as it’s the anniversary month.

Gretchen: Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our senior producer is Claire Gawne, our editorial producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is “Ancient City” by The Triangles.

Lauren: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

[queeranesearch]

 @harutheestallion Thank you so much for the tag, Arthur!! I kith you, mwah!

(This ended up being way longer than I thought it’d be bc I got so caught up in talking about OTHER people’s writing lmfao, so I’m putting a ‘keep reading’)

Prompt - share your:

First fic: Uuugh god..When I was 11/12 I was really into Attack on Titan, and in my Year 8 English Lit class we had lessons where we did creative writing so of course I wrote an Armin-centric high-school AU. It haunts me to this day but it was so funny to read again later on. But the first fic I actually posted online was a Moomin one, back in 2019. Moomins was (and still is thb) a big comfort media for me, and it always helped me feel better when I was going through some really bad anxiety. I was also very insecure about my writing and hadn’t written anything in years, but I was very attached to the characters and there wasn’t that much content of them so I thought “Fuck it. This is gonna be very self-indulgent. If other people like it then great, but really this is for me.” I did end up getting way more kudos and comments than I thought I would and loads of lovely comments. I read it again a little while ago and the writing is a but rusty, and my paragraphing isn’t great, but it’s really sweet and I had a lot of fun writing it and I think that shines through.

Favourite fic: Dude, I cannot pick one favourite fic, so I’m gonna list a few that came to mind: Hooked by @listless-brainrot - aka THE jetru fic. I will forever scream about List’s writing. The way he’s able to take such a character with one episode, and see the potential pour so much life into him is amazing. He writes Haru with so much nuanced realness, and seeing things though his perspective makes for such an immersive read and gives beautiful insight into his thoughts and wants. I cannot recommend it enough.

Sing a little louder, laugh a little softer by @chief-yue - Such lovely fic exploring the music of cultures ATLA was inspired by. I had the biggest smile on my face reading this; Katrina really captures the dynamic of the Gaang wonderfully, and her descriptions are vivid and heartwarming. 

Two Sturdy Oaks by @rileyblxu - A Dead Poets Society fic and one of my comfort fics ajklasd. The author writes Neil and Todd perfectly; Like if you told me this fic was actually deleted scenes from the movie I would believe you 100%. The dialogue between all the characters is spot on, and the trusting relationship both Neil and Todd have with Mr Keating is so heart-warming to read, and the descriptions were so tender and full of so much love and pining,,dude I actually cried a little. PLUS the use of poems at the beginning of the chapters?? Absolutely iconic for setting the tone. Love it.

Not Ready To Make Nice by @harutheestallion - Tagging you twice hehe. Arthur’s characterization of Jet kills me DEAD. They have so many little nuanced details about Jet, but also how he sees other people and the world around him. They have such a strong grasp on his character; every action he makes in this fic is written cleverly wand with such clear thought put behind it, and Jet’s perseverance and bitterness but also his kindness and desire to protect others really shines through. And HAMA. She’s written perfectly too; so similar to Jet in many ways but also more ‘jaded’ and less hopeful. Their dynamic is so interesting to read and watching them become gradually closer is so lovely.

Henna by @miannmian - I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Simran is the QUEEN of fluff. This is one of their shorter works, but it’s packed of such tender characterization. The descriptions are written with so much care and warmth, you can practically feel the love these Jet and Haru have for each other. It’s sweet, it’s domestic, and it makes my heart swell each time I read it.

Can’t Make An Omelette by @citron-ella - A Good Omens fic, but focused on The Them! GO fics that aren’t primarily about Aziraphale and Crowley are hard to come by, so I was delighted when I came across this one, particularly as The Them are my personal faves from the book/show. This fic is so sweet and funny in little nuanced ways. Children are hard to write, especially slightly older ones, but this author wrote them wonderfully; they really captured the lovely curious and mischievous nature of The Them, and each one of the kids was written perfectly in character. The descriptions set the scenes well, and they have a sweet, nostalgic sort of tone to them; it reminds me of what kid’s books used to be like years ago, there’s an Enid Blyton(and I’d even say a Terry Pratchet) like charm to it. And I adore the little detail of Brian being curious about Pollution being non-binary, and recognizing something similar in himself; it was so heart-warming. I also loved the bit at the end where Pepper knowingly acknowledges Brian’s interest in being non-binary; it’s a nice subtle way of showing their friendship and how they pay attention to each other.

Most Recent fic: A jetru oneshot, “Kiss Me?”. It’s pretty simple and fluffy; the lads having their first kiss. To be honest, it’s one of those fics I have a love-hate relationship with; looking back at it there are so many ways I’d rewrite it and make it better, but there are some nice bits there too. 

Fic with most notes: My moomin one I mentioned earlier. It’s called “To Have a Family is an Awfully Complicated Thing”. A VERY wordy title, and again, there a loads of things I wish I could change and do better( I have actually been contemplating rewriting it) but it’s very close to my heart, and I’m glad other people liked it too.

A line or two from a wip: Man, I have SO many wips it’s embarrassing. Here’s a modern Yueki thing I was doing: They didn't know how Yue spent lunchtimes at school in the library, hidden behind the back shelves, reading poetry books held together with thick brown tape; Shakespeare, Dickinson, Keats, Wordsworth, their words lovely yet so disconnected from her; how within the whole breadth of the romantics she could not find one to attach to; how with no great authors to turn to, she put her own pen to paper, spilling thoughts of brown hair and dark eyes, of a face that freckled in the sun, of a laugh that filled her stomach flip with a delightful queasiness, of how her heart ached for the girl that cleaned her grazed knee for her when she was six. ‘Oh dear.’ Yue fiddled with the bag in her lap, zipping it up, zipping it down. ‘There’s no going back now, is there?’

Favourite character to write for (and why): Hmm, I think Yue and Jet, both from ATLA. Something about them just clicks with me; I love Yue to bits and wish we could’ve had more of her in the show, so I love exploring her character beyond being the Moon Princess. I also adore Jet and will forever be angry about how he dirty they did him in the show. Writing him is actually quite challenging, but in a way I enjoy, and I enjoying pushing myself to explore the nuance and depth he had in the show. 

Character(s) you find hard to write: Hm.. I’d say Toph. I love Toph so much but I find it difficult to really capture her strength and rowdiness, but also her compassion and her softer side. 

I’ve tagged a few people in this already, so if they wanna do this feel free to! Also you. Reading this. Consider yourself tagged; I wanna hear about your writing. 

[ms-demeanor]

SOMEONE HAS ASKED ME FOR HELP TRANSLATING OLD ENGLISH (OE). WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT LANGUAGES AND I’M EXCITED.

I CAN’T TRANSLATE INTO OLD ENGLISH BUT I’M STILL EXCITED.

Okay, so, this was partially based on my recent, completely hilarious, translation of the first verse of Baby Got Back into Middle English.

I did that because I’m a complete slut for Middle English (ME). I am, in fact, such a slut for ME that I decided to make a free translation of the Canterbury Tales for people who were more advanced readers than most high-school level translations could help but who had trouble reading ME because its grammar is WEIRD and FUCKED. (I only got through the general prologue and six tales and my analytical asides are insufferable but good job baby Alli I’m so proud of you for wanting to make a free translation you little punk fucking shit up you; now fucking finish it you ADHD gremlin)

SO ANYWAY. Chaucer is Middle English. What you’re currently reading if you’re reading this blog post is Modern English (ModE). POP QUIZ!

What language did Shakespeare write in?

*Final Jeopardy countdown tune*

Wrong! (probably, statistically speaking, you were wrong about that. I’m sorry, I set you up)

Shakespeare wrote in Modern English! It’s Early Modern English, sure, but it is nonetheless the same language that you are reading and speaking and writing today.

BASICALLY

What I’m trying to say is that Lizzo (2019) has more linguistic overlap with Shakespeare (1616) than Shakespeare did with Chaucer (1400) in spite of the fact that Shakespeare and Chaucer were only about 200 years apart and Shakespeare and Lizzo are 400 years apart. That’s because Samuel Johnson was an Absolute Lad in 1755.

(THE PRINTED WORD IS FUCKIGN AMAZING; DICTIONARIES ARE THE SHIT)

Anyway when I was first on tumblr I made a VERY embarrassing mistake and insisted I knew something about OE grammar that I extremely did not (I think this had to do with possession confusion when writing about two people of the same gender and I jumped in with a very bad take) because being a slut for ME doesn’t mean you know shit about OE.

Because Old English is OLD. Like. Really Old.

Like it probably came to England in around 450CE. OLD.

OE is basically Old German. (The development of Modern German is as weird or weirder as the development of Modern English and is no-shit heavily built on work of the Grimm Brothers. The Fairytale dudes.) But also kind of Old Scandinavian? And Frisian. Oh the Frisian. (English speakers: break your brain and listen to this video. Frisian is really closely related to ModE and spoken Frisian sounds infuriatingly close to comprehensible for most English speakers) and basically it’s a messy amalgam of the tribal languages of the various vikings who were continually taking the place over plus all the Brittonic languages plus Latin because of the Romans.

Anyway part of what I’m getting at is that OE was kind of a giant mess (just like ModE!) and translating into OE is also a mess.

Also because OE wasn’t just one language, it was four major dialects and constant moving goalposts as various groups gained and lost power. England didn’t even have a single monarch until almost 200 years after Beowulf was (maybe, probably) written.

So 1066 a somewhat-French dude fought a war with the King of Norway and a bunch of English dudes and long story short that’s how Norman French (which is French with a heavy salting of Scandinavian languages and a soupcon of Celtic) started beating up Old English and eventually turned into ME. (In the General Prologue of the Canterbury tales Chaucer makes a joke that the Prioress’s French is more of Normandy than Paris which is a joke because she’s claiming to be educated in Fancy French but she’s really educated in the form of French that’s like hootin’ and hollerin’ down by the crick can I get a yeehaw).

The deal is that we’re now approximately 4000 permutations away from whatever resembled a lingua franca in England before the Norman Conquest. Our surviving stock of Old English manuscripts is minuscule. Tolkein probably wrote more words in the languages he constructed than exist in OE.

OE is dead. We’ve reconstructed it as best we can and have an okay idea of how the language worked but our understanding of the vocabulary is. A little weird. There are some extremely specific words that kind of just don’t translate to the modern world (“bag specifically for carrying stolen goods” is a decent example). There are some words for which the context is kind of fucked (so if you wanted to translate a proposal it’s hard to ask someone to be your wife if “wife” and “woman” are the same word and “wif” is added to a lot of words to make them apply to women (we retain this in “housewife,” but generally don’t use things like “fishwife” anymore))

But, say you want to learn and translate anyway, what do you do? You make friends with a bunch of nerds and we’ll share our hoarded dictionaries with you. Even the really old ones.

REALLY old.

Actually I don’t have my 1820s Old English dictionary handy so have this one from 1916 instead.

Here’s a site that will translate ModE to OE or OE to ModE as you choose.

The University of Texas at Austen Linguistics Research Center has an online course for learning OE.

Here’s a whole-ass OE textbook.

Some nerds made a podcast about learning OE.

And here’s a very, very short look at the language if you’re thinking of looking into it more.

But if you don’t have time to study a whole new language and want to get something translated fast I recommend finding someone on their way to Kalamazoo and offering them twenty bucks because it’s a hard economy out there for Medieval Studies grad students.

Uh.

Anyway.

[adhd-for-adhders]

Tips for Working with ADHD During Online School (or Work)!

This is really late and I don’t really know why I didn't do this earlier, but here we are! I thought I’d publish a list of tips and tricks that have helped me while doing school online - mostly long homework sessions - (and might help with online working). Even though it is the summer, some people are still working or doing summer school, so I hope this helps someone who needs it!

Get everything you’ll need or even the stuff you might need. It saves you from having to get up if you’re on a roll and breaking your streak (or maybe you find you can’t get up to get it bc ~executive dysfunction~)

If you find you don’t have something you need and it’s not pressing, wait until a pause or you’re getting up anyways, ie you’re getting up to fill your water bottle and you’re gonna need your phone charger. Take that time to go to the bathroom, get a snack, etc. I find this the best way to get around executive dysfunction because I didn’t want to get up for that one small thing earlier, but now I’m up for something else and I can kinda justify my other tasks, in a way? It’s like, I get up, and I'm like “well I'm already getting water, might as well just grab a snack and my phone charger too”

I’m terrible at prioritizing, so I try to prioritize the most obvious assignments first. You have one assignment due at 3 and another at 6? Do the 3 pm deadline first. You have a certain class that you have more missing assignments in than another? Do that homework first. If you can’t prioritize, try to think of the most logical order.

I usually do all my assignments for one class in a block because I get on a roll. Like, my brain is thinking in chemistry or whatever, so I knock out all my chem assignments at one time (this has to do with ADHD brains not being very good at jumping from task to task).

I started planning heavy hw days on google calendar. For example, I just list all the assignments I have to do and what time to do them and calendar will give me a little notification 10 and 5 minutes before a new task starts (this also helps me keep track of how time is passing because adhd brains aren’t too great at that either). Tip: give yourself much more time than you think you need—I usually give an hour unless it’s a super short assignment. Even if you’re 100% sure that you’ll finish it in under an hour, give yourself an hour and you feel a sense of accomplishment (and get a lil dopamine boost—we tend to be short on that too) because you finished something earlier than expected and you get ahead of schedule (which, if you finish before you plan on, will also give you a dopamine boost at the end).

Keep a bottle of water near you and a snack or two if you want. I need my meds to stay focused on my assignments for longer than an hour or so and it drastically improves my executive function (this is specifically for me, I don't know how meds work for everyone else). But the side effects of all three different types of meds I’ve taken have all come up/been worse when I don’t drink enough water. Also it’s just good for you. My meds kill my appetite, so I don’t need snacks, but if you get hungry, go for it.

Most of the time, I like having someone or a list giving me explicit instructions, kind of like a checklist I can check off. So even if you don’t use a calendar, I suggest putting your assignments in a numbered or bulleted list and then you can just check them off as you move down the list. It also tells me what to do next, because I’ll just do whatever I feel like doing most of the time and a list gives me direction. (Also, having one central list helps me keep everything in one place so I don’t have to go hunting through each of my class schedules for all my class assignments)

I have a little calendar chart for the week I created on google docs and there I list what assignments are due on which days of the week that I fill out on Monday. Once I fill it out, I spread out the assignments over the week (because a good 75% of them are due on Friday) so I have around 4 assignments due each day (which generally takes me from 9 or 10 to anywhere from 3 to 5. Even then I’ll usually not have enough work to spread over 5 days (because most of my teachers aren’t pure evil) so I’ll sprinkle in some of my many missing assignments in there on the lighter days. Also, it prevents me from only doing one or two assignments for a few days and then realizing that to not have any late work, I’ll have to complete 5 in one day (that’s happened before. It was extremely stressful and I didn't finish all my assignments. 0/10 do not recommend).

Take plenty of little breaks. We’ll get mentally tired from hours straight of just doing schoolwork (I’m not 100% sure if this is an adhd thing so don’t quote me on it but I’m pretty sure) so take a 15-30 minute break every few hours or assignments, maybe 20 minutes every 1.5 hours or after you finish two assignments or whatever works for you. Read a few chapters of your book, watch an episode of your favorite show, or make some food and scroll mindlessly through tumblr, whatever makes you happy. Just plan them ahead so you don’t get sucked in to doing 3, 4, 5 hours of work nonstop by setting an alarm for a specific time or putting it on your calendar.

Have a special place to do your work. I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of my motivation comes from habits, so I’ll do work (and only work) at my desk and not in my chair or bed or whatever (even though it’s way more comfortable) so when I sit down my brains like “ok it’s time to work I gotchu”

Not necessarily for working, but for zoom calls: get your favorite stim to use during those. A lot of teachers will ramble on and on and I’ve gotten so fidgety during these calls its really noticeable (aka, you can literally see me trying to crack my neck/back/fingers every five seconds) so I’ve taken to having some scissors and one of my many balls of yarn on my desk so I can start braiding or fingerknitting some yarn while my teachers ramble.

Sidenote: fingerknitting is a really great stim (for me, at least) because it requires basic, repetitive motions that don’t require me to look at my fingers. I once read like 14 (?) scenes of Shakespeare almost all in a row and I swear, I was only able to do that because of the fingerknitting. It’s super simple and you could probably find dozens of short tutorials on youtube.

I'm pretty sure this is only a mac thing, but on my computer, I have it set to announce the time on the hour, every hour and I find it helps with my complete time blindness and helps me not get sucked into doing a 1 hour project for 2 hours. Also if i'm working on a project that’s taking longer than expected and I have a zoom call at, say, 11, then the computer will break me out of my homework trance and I’ll realize what time it is (if that makes sense) and it’s prevented me from being late to a zoom many times. To get your macbook to do this, you go to the desktop —> settings —> date and time —> and then click “announce the time”, and you can choose whether you want it to announce it every hour, half an hour, or fifteen minutes.

Feel free to add your own! Happy studying/working!

[lemonerix]

Wrong Letter

Prompt: Mistakes/Canon verse

Word count: 3081

“May I come in, sir?”

A faint “Enter.” came from behind the door, and Howard opened it to find his boss sitting on his desk, signing papers and organizing documents. It wasn’t unusual to see his boss hunched over his paperwork, with a cup of tea on his desk as the air filled with the melody from the old gramophone he owned. The man walked over to his boss, “You summoned me, what can I help you with, sir?” he asked, bowing his head down slightly.

“How many times have I told you to call me ‘Arthur’ whenever we’re alone? You’re making me feel much older than I really am.” The blonde man asked his subordinate.

“I’m sorry. It’s just, I don’t see it fit for someone like me to call you by your name so casually.”

“Now you’re just making it seem like I’m not human. Well, I’m not really, but you get the point.” Arthur waved his arm around as he spoke. He took a sip from his cup and leaned back on his chair, “Anyway, it seems like I’ll be stuck in this room until evening if I want to get all of this paperwork done by tomorrow. Can you send these letters for me, Howard?” Arthur asked as he handed the man several envelopes with seals on them. He knew what the seals meant, he nodded and took the letters into his hands. “Anything else, sir?” he asked.

“Tell the chef to cook dinner early, and also tell the rest of the household that they may leave early today.” Arthur quickly said to Howard before he left the room.

After heading to the kitchen and telling the staff to head home early, Howard picked up his things from his office and left the house. He made sure to deposit the letters in the letterbox before he headed home. Little did he know, a certain letter to a certain nation wasn’t meant to be sent that afternoon.

.

The pain in his back woke up Arthur from his slumber. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he rubbed the small of his back as he straightened his posture, “Bloody hell, I think I am growing old.” He said to himself as he stood up and stretched his body. He glanced at the clock on his desk and noted that the time was ten minutes after five. The sun was beginning to peek from the hills, birds have begun their songs and a few early risers were on the streets walking their pets or going for their morning jog. England turned off his gramophone, which he accidentally forgot to turn off the previous night, and retrieved the half-full tea cup from his desk. A look of discomfort passed through his face as he sipped the drink before he realized that it had gone cold. Muttering to himself, he went out of his office to re-heat his tea and make himself breakfast (hopefully, without incident).

By some kind of miracle, England made himself breakfast without having to call the fire department again. This was a small victory for him, he sat down on a chair and ate his meal, feeling rather proud of himself. It was Sunday, so he was in no rush because he knew that he had the whole day to himself. Arthur was then reminded of his responsibilities, the papers he had to sign, and of course, “the letter” he wrote to a certain country. A chill ran down his spine, he didn’t recall seeing the envelope containing “that letter” on his desk that morning. He dropped his utensils on the table and swore loudly before dashing to his office.

He swung open the door and immediately searched the top of his desk, then under it, then his drawers. He sat on his chair in exhaustion and panic, then he heard something crinkle beneath him. In his frantic search, he did not notice the small white envelope on his chair. He grabbed it and felt his heart slow down, the panic he felt went away as he sighed in relief.

Thank God.

Yet, there was an itching feeling that he couldn’t shake off. Something compelled him to open the envelope and read the letter in it. He did so and felt his blood run south, “Oh no.” He re-read the contents of the letter to make sure that his eyes weren’t playing tricks with him. He wanted to believe that the letter in his hands was a copy. Oh, how much he wanted to believe that. Arthur buried his face in his hands, muffling his scream of frustration and embarrassment.

The letters he asked Howard to send for him contained the outlines of the subjects to be discussed in the next G8 meeting being held in his country. Seven letters meant for seven countries, and out of the seven, one of those letters wasn’t meant to be sent. Arthur knew he had no one else to blame but himself. He should’ve paid more attention to what he was doing, and if he did, he might have actually sent the right letter. He knew he dug up his own grave, but he wasn’t sure if he could actually face the heartbreak waiting for him. He knew that he could do nothing about it, letters with ‘seals’ are immediately sent to the nation they were addressed to. Feeling defeated, Arthur slumped down on his chair and prayed that America doesn’t check his mail that often.

.

Poor Brit, he does not know that Alfred checks his mail every day because of the many items he orders online.

“Package for…Mr. Alfred Jones?”

Alfred ran towards the door; he opened it and greeted the delivery man on his doorstep. After signing for the package, he picked up the huge box on his porch and said goodbye to the delivery man. After he turned the doorknob, something fluttered to the ground from the top of the package.

“Huh, what’s this?” he muttered to himself as he picked up the envelope with his free arm. It had a ‘seal’ on it, so he suspected that it came from one of the nations. Kicking the door close, he set down the box in his arms and looked for a box cutter.

Alfred completely forgot about his package, he only wondered what the letter contained as he went into the kitchen. He found a box cutter in one of the drawers, then he sat down on his kitchen table. With a blade in his hand, he broke the seal of the envelope. He took out the letter and read it. He felt butterflies in his stomach when he saw who it was from, then his jaw slacked when he read what was written on the paper. “Arthur…” his lips quivered as the name passed through his lips.

Oh, God. If this is some kind of trick, then that’s just cruel.

His face still flush, he sat on table and stared at the paper. He wasn’t sure if what he was reading was true, or if it was just an elaborate prank by England. But he knew that the Englishman wasn’t the type to pull pranks, and he could confirm that the handwriting was his. He read the letter again and felt his face warm up again, his lips twitching into a smile, “This can’t be real.” He said to himself. Alfred didn’t want to believe that Arthur “liked, liked him”, because that would be too good to be true. But there could be a chance that the Brit actually had feelings for him. He drummed his fingers on the table, his eyes fell to the words that made his heart beat erratically.

“…I cannot keep on hiding my feelings for you anymore, it’s become so overwhelming. I think I might fancy you, Alfred…”

The letter was filled with extravagant words and metaphors that would’ve made Shakespeare jealous, but those phrases were the only ones that mattered to the American. He couldn’t care less if he could barely understand half the words, all he knew was that Arthur fell for him. And that was enough for him to gather his courage and respond to the island nation’s confession.

With a happy sigh, he looked for a pen and a piece of paper.

.

England waited anxiously for the other nations to arrive; he was especially nervous about America. He paced back and forth the room, occasionally adjusting his tie, and whispering to himself.

Did he receive the letter? Did he read it? God, he probably thinks I’m some sappy old fart right now.

He flinched when the door opened, “Good Morning, England.” Japan greeted as he closed the door behind him. “Good Morning, Japan. Please, have a seat.” He gestured to the nation’s designated seat. The Japanese man noticed that England seemed troubled, “Is there something bothering you, Mr. England?” he asked. The other man stopped pacing back and forth, “No! No, there’s nothing wrong. Why do you ask?” England smiled nervously.

“Because…never mind.” Japan decided that he shouldn’t press the other nation. He noted how England exhaled in relief and sit down on his chair. The room was silent for a whole minute until England slammed his hands on the table, slightly scaring Japan. “Mr. England, is there something wrong?” Japan asked, now worried for the other nation. England’s face was flushed red, he didn’t know if he should ask Japan advice. “Mr. England?” The Japanese man slowly rose from his chair, he planned to go closer to the island nation and ask if he was alright but before he could, England blurted out, “Japan, can I ask you a question?”

“Uhm, ye…yes?”

“Wh…what if, hypothetically, I sent a letter with very sensitive information to someone accidentally, and they read it? What do you think their reaction would be?”

Japan blinked as he registered the question, “Well…” he rubbed his chin, “It depends on the type of letter you sent them, and the type of person they are. If you sent them a confession to a crime, they might report you to the authorities or if you sent them a confession of love, they might reciprocate your feelings, or use it as blackmail.” The man stated bluntly. England’s eye twitched, “Ah, I see.” He slumped down his chair and the room suddenly went cold. “E…England-san? Is e…everything alright?” Japan asked, slightly scared at how the room suddenly turned gloomy. “Yes…everything is fine…”

“Bu…but, why does this seem like I did something wrong?” The Japanese man whispered to himself.

“YO, THE HERO’S HERE!” The door burst open as America entered the room. Japan let out an involuntary yelp, “A-America!” England shot up from his seat, his heart racing. America blinked and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “Uh, what’s up dudes?” he greeted in a small voice. His eyes were darting everywhere but he refused to look at England. The Englishman cleared his throat, “America, please head to your designated seat while we wait for the others to arrive.” The nation complied and sat in his seat. Japan watched the strange interaction of the two countries. Usually they would be yelling at each other’s faces, but they weren’t. Did something happen between them?

He looked at England who was wringing his fingers on the table, his face was redder than normal and he kept on stealing glances at the American. Then he turned to America, who was drumming his fingers on the table nervously, beads of sweat forming on his forehead and his eyes kept on glancing at the English nation’s general direction. Gears were turning in Japan’s mind, he knew that this kind of thing would just happen in a manga, but he wondered if something happened between America and England. Did one of them confess their feelings to the other? Did they get rejected or were the feelings mutual? Japan himself was getting flustered with the ideas going on through his head. He decided that he should play matchmaker as a plan formed in his mind.

Japan shot up from his seat, “Excuse me Mr. England, I must use the restroom! I will return!” He loudly announced and ran out of the room before he could receive any reaction. He knew that it was rude to just leave the two nations alone, but it was the only way he could play matchmaker.

.

The door slammed close as Japan rushed outside, England and America were alone. There was a very awkward silence between them that seemed to last for eternity. The two nations pretended that the other did not exist, making their situation more awkward than it is. Finally, England broke the ice, “It’s not very often that you come early.” America glanced at the other man, who was facing away from him, “Ye…yeah. My flight was early, and I thought that being punctual was a little achievement of mine.” The American chuckled lightly at the end of his sentence. Green eyes gazed at Alfred momentarily before looking back at the grey wall, “That must be delightful.” England replied. They were enveloped in silence once again. America broke the silence this time, “How about you dude? Is being host a bit stressful or something?”

“I guess? I mean, I have been hosting more times than I can count so I don’t really worry much, but there would always be that looming feeling that everything might go wrong.” The Englishman smiled slightly, but it faded away quickly. They attempted to make small talk, but each time they do, it would always end up with awkward silence. The two both knew that they had to address the elephant in the room, wishing that the other would do it for them. England took a deep breath, he knew America was too prideful to admit that he received “the letter”, so he had to make the first move.

“So, Alfred…” he began, “Have you…received any letters recently?”

The question hung in the air for a few moments before America answered, “Nah. I haven’t received any letters, Artie. Why the sudden question, dude?” He tried to keep his voice casual, so that it wasn’t obvious that he was lying. England noticed the tone in America’s voice, “It’s nothing,” He pursed his lips, “Are you sure?” he asked for confirmation. The American nodded and looked away, shoving his hand into his pocket where he kept England’s letter. “I see.” England slightly relaxed in his seat. He managed to save himself from embarrassment, he’s not convinced that America was telling the truth, though. Maybe the American just pitied him, or was planning to blackmail him using his letter. He felt disappointed as well. America didn’t like him like that, he probably doesn’t like him at all.

The door opened to reveal Japan and the rest of the countries involved in the meeting. Japan was hopeful that the two nations had made up, but it seems like he had made matters worse. Both America and England were silent, like they did not even attempt to talk to each other. The Japanese man mentally sighed, maybe he shouldn’t have played matchmaker this time.

.

The meeting ended with success, which was a rare event. Meetings would usually end up with everyone shouting their heads off, and at least one person would be hurled out of the room. The meeting that day ended with no such thing occurring. That was probably because America was unusually quiet throughout the meeting, and England refused to talk unless it was his turn to present. The other nations were unnerved by the unusual behavior of the two nations, but they did not voice it out. Japan on the other hand, thought that he failed as matchmaker and was thinking of other ways to get the two men together.

“It was a wonderful meeting, Mr. England. I look forward to the next one.” Japan bowed his head. England smiled, “Thank you. It was my pleasure being your host.” He told the other man. The other nations said their farewells as they exited the room, one nation lingered a bit longer and dropped something on the floor for the Brit to find, he then rushed out of the room hoping that England didn’t notice him.

England was left alone in the room; it was the host’s job to clean up after all. He stacked the pieces of papers scattered around the table, discarding scraps of paper and placing the chairs back into their positions. As he was finishing, he spotted a piece of paper by the doorway. He groaned and picked it up, he realized that it was an envelope. To his bewilderment, it was the envelope that he had gone to hell and back to look for.

America, that damn bastard was lying to me, I knew it!

He was furious that the American had the letter with him the whole time, not only that, it appeared that he had opened it, which made England’s blood turn cold. “That bastard opened it!” he hissed at no one in particular. The Brit was now fuming with rage and embarrassment, he saw that his letter was still inside the envelope, but there was another piece of paper with it. It was a yellow post-it note stuck on the back of his letter. He took it out and read the note written in black bold letters:

Pick you up at 8? Just call my #, and I’ll make reservations.

A small doodle of America was winking at him at the bottom of the paper. England felt his heart stop, then restart again.

This cannot be real. This is a trap. This has to be a trap.

His mind screamed at him, one part of him was saying that he shouldn’t respond because it was most likely a practical joke, while the other part said that he should call him and celebrate because his feelings were returned. The man was torn with what he should do, should he risk it all and call America? He could feel himself pulling out his phone from his pocket, he gawked at the yellow paper then at his phone.

Should I do it?

He opened his contacts. America’s name was on top of the list.

Should I do it?

He tapped the contact, England’s fingers hovered over the call button.

Should I…?

Tap.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

“Hey, Iggy…”