#I KNOW I SAID I'D BE STRONG IF THEY BROKE UP BUT I LIED OKAY???? I LIIIIIEEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dylanconrique]

i just finished tonight's episode.... i need a long hug.

[charlie-lec-stories]

Everything happens for a reason // CL16

Pairing: Charles Leclerc / Stroll!Sister

Summary: After a whole life of following her father's orders, Y/N's tired of being the good girl and when she finally stood up for herself with the help of her best friend, all hell broke loose.

Warnings: Sexual comments and scenarios, cheating, strong vocabulary.

Author’s Note: Well guys, gals and non-binary pals, you know I love messy stories, this is no exception. Rate: +18 (adult content)

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"UGHHHHHH". Y/N couldn't help but laugh out loud when her brother, Lance, sat down beside her, grunting as if it was the hardest thing his body had done in 20 years.

"Really, Lance, was it really that hard? Are you that old?". She rolled her eyes as the boy fixed his position on the roof, making sure that he wouldn't fall off. They had the tradition of sitting on the roof of their mansion after dinner and before bed time. They had an hour before the staff would start looking for them, the only time they could be normal and not billionaires.

"I'm not old, it was that hard, some of us train, you know. Not everyone is naturally gifted at driving cars". She laughed again. Even though her brother tried to act annoyed with her great driving, he was actually proud of her.

"I'm not that good". She lied, but he shook his head, then let it rest on her shoulder, getting comfortable next to her under the blanket she had. Her hand went to his hair, lovingly running her fingers through the locks.

"Don't lie. Gees, I'm not ever sure who you got that from, because dad sucks". She felt his body shake as he giggled at his own comment. "That old man may love racing but God knows he should never touch a steering wheel".

"Hey, don't be like that, he's an average driver...". Lance moved his head up to give her a pointed look. "He is!... When it comes to tennis karts he is". They stayed silent for a moment before bursting out laughing so hard that they got worried someone might have heard.

"Okay, okay, enough with roasting the old man". Lance said once they calmed down. He resumed his position close to her and changed the subject. "Are you excited for the new season? I mean, you have a real chance this time, sis".

"Carlos said the same". She said, sighing and looking into the horizon. The sun was setting and the sky had that perfect shade between pink and purple, it was lovely, it made her feel at peace.

"Well, we are right. I'm always right, as you obviously know, and Carlos is your best friend, he could never lie to you, that's illegal". Y/N smile, that was true, her best friend was the most honest person she had ever met, and if there were two people in the world she trusted with her life, those were Lance and Carlos.

"Speaking of Carlos, I have something to tell you about this season". Lance could feel the tension in her voice so he fixed his position again, showing her that he was giving her his full attention. "Nelson, you know, the PR guy, he told me that I have to get into a PR relationship. He gave me two options: Carlos or Leclerc. Of course, I chose Carlos. I'd rather fake-date my best friend than Charles-stupid-Leclerc".

"You should let go of that anger, your beef with Charles was years ago, he's a nice guy". Lance rolled his eyes at his sister. Y/N and Charles fought after a karting race when they were 16 and never got along after that. He was unnecessarily mean to her and she always over-reacted. But to be fair to Charles, she did say to him that he had a small penis in front of the whole grid, and that can be really harmful for a teenage boy. The fact that everyone knew that they had hooked up once only made the accusation seem more reliable, humiliating Charles even more in front of their peers. To add to the feud, Y/N called him "Peanut" and he called her "Matagot", which is basically a south-french mythology monster that only treats you well if you keep it well-fed, otherwise it can be your biggest nightmare. It was Charles' way of calling her a spoiled brat, that only cares for others when she can get something in return.

"He's not nice. But I don't want to talk about him, I want advice. I have never been in a PR relationship before and you have. It's pretty uncomfortable to have to do this with Carlos, but I have to make it work".

Lance and Y/N spent their hour talking, he gave her advice on what to do and how to keep the friendship strong after having to be all over each other in public. It was going to be awkward, but her contract said that there were things she had to do to get a better public image and Carlos was a great way to keep things interesting. Drive to Survive, the Netflix series about the sport needed something to talk about, and a relationship between two drivers from different teams was perfect, and that's how she ended up trapped with a PR relationship. Around 10 pm, they got down the roof and made their way to their rooms. Before bed, Y/N checked her phone and found a text from her best friend.

Chili-man: Hey kiddo! I know that this is going to be awkward, but remember that we're best friends first, if you ever feel uncomfortable, you let me know and I'll do everything to help out. Okay?

Y/N: Thanks Chili-man. I love to know that you're always on my corner. You're the best. And the same goes for you. It's gonna be weird, but at least I'm not fake-dating Peanut.

Chili-man: Don't be mean, he's a nice guy.

Y/N: You and my brother need to stop being such Leclerc's advocates, I'm sure he can pay his own defense lawyers, you guys don't need to do it for free. Anyways, good night and I'll see you tomorrow for the first day!

Chili-man: I promise he's not that bad. But whatever. Sleep tight kiddo. I'll see you tomorrow.

The next morning, Y/N woke up to the sound of her father shouting and her mother begging him to lower his voice. Still half asleep, she walked to the door and cracked it open. Outside, she saw Lance peeking out of his own room and after sharing a puzzled look, they moved their attention to their father. He was at the end of the hall, at the door of his room, their mother was pulling at his arm, trying to pull him into the room without success. It was strange to say the least, that their mother interfered with their father's affairs, she had her own business to worry about, but she seemed actually worried about the discussion their father was taking part in over the phone.

"I SAID NO. I don't care about the numbers, I don't care about the stupid show. She's not dating Carlos Sainz Jr. She'll do that over my dead body!". Both Lance and her looked at each other. Why was he so upset? He loved the Sainz; he had been friends with Carlos Sainz Sr. for as long as they could remember. "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S FAKE".

"Honey, please, they'll hear you". Their mother tried to calm him down, but he was furious.

"THEN USE LECLERC, BUT SHE'S NOT DATING CARLOS AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD". She definitely didn't like that last statement. Her father hung up and stormed into his room. It was her turn to be upset, she didn't want to date Charles Leclerc, fake or for real, it was a nightmare both ways. A little later that morning she tried to convince her father in her favor, but he was so angry that it was impossible to make his change his mind. Carlos texted her mid-day, while she was on the jet on her way towards Bahrain, asking her what happened and why his PR team told him that he was replaced by Charles. She didn't want Carlos to feel bad or inadequate in the eyes of her father, so she lied and said that she had no idea and that as soon as she had an answer for that, she would tell him. When she made it to Sakhir, she was told to leave her luggage at her room and then go back to the lobby so she could wait for a car there with Nelson. They had to meet with Charles and his team to discuss the details of the arrangement. It was a quiet car ride, Nelson was aware of what she thought of Charles and that the change had not been her decision, so he let her off the hook for a few minutes.

"Welcome, Miss Stroll, please have a seat". Kathy, Charles' PR head of the department greeted her when they made it to the hotel where Ferrari was staying. The room they used for the meeting was a last time arrangement, but it had space and it made her feel better, considering how bad things could get once Charles arrived.

"Thank you". She sat down on the couch and Kathy handed her a glass of water. They didn't have to wait much before Charles walked through the door. If it wasn't for her being completely aware of how much of a prick he was, she was sure that she could fall at his feet over and over again every time she saw him. He was the most handsome man on Earth, she knew that, but he was also aware of that so it posed a problem for her.

"Sorry I'm late, I wanted to shower after the flight". He sat on the bed of the room and looked at Y/N when she scoffed.

"Thank you for that! Now the only thing that stinks in this room is your shitty personality". Charles growled. They spent less than two minutes together, 2 meters apart, and they were already at each other's throats.

"I told you this was not gonna work". He told Kathy. "She's a spoiled little shit and I can't stand her close to me. The feeling is obviously mutual, why force this?".

"Because you're the perfect marketing option and it's our job-". Kathy pointed between her and Nelson. "- to make you both a selling machine. So you'll both make it work or your teams will reduce money from your salaries for breaching your contracts".

"That's not fair. I need my money and this Matagot doesn't give two shits about her contract, her Daddy is a billionaire, you're giving her all the power in the world over me!". Charles complained. He knew that she didn't need the money, she could make his life a living hell without a problem and he would have to take it all like a good boy not to lower his income.

"Suck it up, Peanut. Compensate that small pecker of yours by being the bigger person!". She was enjoying the moment.

"The itinerary is long. Read it, learn it and follow it". Nelson explained to ease up the tension. "Remember to be caring and loving, but do not overdo it. Kiss once in a while, hold hands while you walk together. We'll take care of the interviews and the press. Act the part for Netflix and we'll help you with the conflict for the show-".

"We don't need help with conflict". Charles interrupted.

"We need conflict, not first degree murder, Charles". Kathy sent them a stern look as she let the comment out and both drivers looked at their laps.

"Okay, I got it all. Can I go now?". She wanted nothing more than to get out of there.

That night she texted Carlos, and he told her something interesting: His PR team and his father told him to put some distance with her. They were both surprised, since when did their parents dislike the idea of them being friends? They had been friends their whole lives, close since they remembered. They were like siblings, why couldn't they be friends anymore? They understood the whole PR thing, that she needed to sell and that there was drama that had to occur between her and her fake boyfriend, but why did it all have to happen with Carlos at an arms' length? It was weird and she needed to know. It was hard enough that her father had controlled her whole life, she was already old enough to make her own decision. Why did he care so much about her friends? It wasn't like she was going to date Carlos for real. Carlos had his own questions, he was almost 30, his father was stepping over a line trying to control his life like that, but he respected his old man and he was going to listen, as long as the decision didn't prove to be hurtful for his best friend.

"I'm not kissing you". She said as soon as she met Charles at the lobby of her hotel. They were supposed to show up together for the first day at the paddock. Of course, she wanted to make it difficult for him. "I'm not doing the same stupid shit twice".

"You don't have to do me this time, Matagot". Charles hissed at her. "Plus, it's not like I will enjoy it so shut up and make this easy for everyone".

"I said-". But he cut her off with his lips over hers. As fast as he did it, he pulled away and before she could say anything, he was practically dragging her to his car.

The day went by incredibly slowly, but at some point she became numb to holding hands and kissing with Charles. They would kiss and she would instantly start talking about something racing related, like Lance suggested she do to get rid of the awkwardness. Charles seemed okay with that. What was actually bothering her more was the fact that she spent the whole day without talking to Carlos. Charles noticed her looking for his teammate a few times but decided to ignore the raging fire it started inside his veins. He hated the idea that he had to date her, but he dated more the idea of her dating Carlos. He wasn't surprised when Carlos told him that he was going to date Y/N as a PR stunt, what surprised Charles was that they weren't actually dating for real. He could never understand why the Spaniard would refuse to date a woman like her. Charles found Y/N the most amazing woman, when she was nice, and she was definitely nice to Carlos. The older man explained that he never felt like that about her and it never made sense to Charles, after all, he did feel that way about her when she used to be nice to him. But that was a decade ago, and she had never been nice once to him since that time. Still, he felt pleased that Carlos wasn't a threat. She may have looked around for him, and liked him over Charles, but he didn't reciprocate her feelings, so Charles was safe. He was torn between a need for her to love him and constant reaction of disgust to everything she said.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Peanut? There are no cameras here". She said when he appeared at her room door.

"We need to talk". He made his way inside the room and she sighed, already too tired to complain.

"What do you want to talk about?". He sat on her bed and she went to the couch, not wanting to be near him.

"Do you like Carlos?". He decided that dancing around the question was pointless and she was kind of thankful that he cut to the chase.

"That's none of your business, Charles"

"Well, but we are fake dating, and he's my teammate, so I need to know". Lie, that wasn't the real reason, and she knew, but she let it slide.

"I don't like Carlos that way". She saw the accusatory look on his face and explained further. "We're best friends. Something happened. I don't know what. I think our fathers may have something to do with it. He told me that we can't hang out much for now. It's weird".

"Does this have anything to do with us getting together?". 'Failed act', Freud would say.

"We're not together Charles, we can't stand each other". He could pick up on her tired tone, maybe it was the right time to finally get her out of her shell.

"We used to. I remember that time. We had a great moment". But what he thought was going to be a comment that made her happy, completely backlashes at him.

"A great moment?! That's what it was for you? Just a great time?". She stood up, tears at the corners of her eyes and Charles suddenly felt the need to get up and hold her. He didn't, though. "That's why you just simply walked out and ignored me then? Because I was just another good time for you?"

"What? No, how did you even get there?! I never said that!". Now he was the one in a defensive mood.

"Your actions speak better than your words. You ignored me, after everything we did together, after how vulnerable I was with you. I gave you my virginity and you simply threw me away!". She was fully on crying and Charles just could take it anymore, he got up and pulled her to his body, hugging her as tightly as he could.

"I was embarrassed. I felt like I did it like shit. I was stupid and had zero experience. I came so fast because I liked you so much. I thought I let you down". He wasn't sure if she heard him, his words muffed by her hair and his sobs. "I thought you had not enjoyed that moment as much as I did and it was embarrassing, because I loved every second of it. I wanted to talk to you but your parents kind of scared me off from the house the next morning. It felt like I had done everything wrong. Then we saw each other at the race and you were so cold that I believed I was right. You then said those things... I- I just didn't know what to do".

"I shouldn't have said that. I was hurt and felt humiliated, I was wrong". She was grabbing at him as tightly as he was at her.

"We both were". He kissed her head and they broke apart. "I never stopped thinking about you. I always wondered what we could have been...". He let that linger in the air, the possibility. She took his hand and led him to the bed. Her actions spoke better than her words.

They woke up the next morning to someone pounding on the door. Charles quickly fell asleep again, but Y/N got up to tell the person at the other side to get lost. She was surprised when she found Carlos on the other side. The man didn't even say hi, he walked into the room, pushing her inside with him and slamming the door shut. The noise woke Charles up again, this time he did get up, furious when he noticed that his teammate was grabbing his girlfriend's arms with a python's grip. Carlos looked worried, but it was mixed with a bit of anger and something else Charles couldn't decipher. It wasn't until he spoke up that Carlos actually noticed his presence.

"What the fuck are you doing?!". The monegasque walked towards him, and Carlos noticed the lack of clothing, the black Calvin Klein's hanging from Charles' hips were the only thing keeping him decent.

"You two...". He suddenly smiled. "It was about time. A decade. Never met two people this slow".

"You're on thin ice, mate". Charles said, sternly.

"Then you're not going to like what I'm going to say next". Carlos took a deep breath. "I need us to fake-date, Y/N. I want to pressure my father. I think he's planning on setting me up with someone. But if he thinks we're dating even though he said no, he'll leave me alone". She looked at Charles, he didn't seem happy with the idea, but she also wanted to find out why her father was so against Carlos so suddenly.

"If- IF I do it, do you think we can make it happen sometime when both our parents are there?". Charles looked down at her frowning. "Remember last night, when I told you that I didn't know what happened? I want to find out".

"I don't know, mon Ange". She took his hand and his face relaxed a bit. He used to call her that, when they were younger, it felt right.

"I need to know, something feels off. This is the reason why we are together now. Over ten years of history fixed by one phone call by my father". He let out the breath he was holding, she was right. "Please, everything happens for a reason, Charlie".

"Okay, let's do this".

They had to wait until after the race. Carlos Sr. and Lawrence, Lance and Y/N’s father, were sitting at the hotel restaurant, chatting with frowns on their faces. Carlos and Y/N held hands and walked towards them, Charles following them close behind. He had a part in the plan, and he was ready to execute it perfectly, even if it was harder for him to act mad at Y/N now that they had made up. The older men looked up at their children when the three drivers approached them. To say that they looked horrified would be an understatement. Carlos Sr. seemed about to throw up, while Lawrence was simply shocked. The first part of the plan was done, keeping the element of surprise. Now to phase two: the lie itself. They sat at the table, Carlos in the middle of Charles and Y/N, his hand interlocked with hers resting on the table so their fathers could see them. It took the older men a moment to get the color back to their faces, but when they did, Lawrence went from white to red in a second.

"What the hell is this?". He asked, trying to keep the little cool he had left.

"We're dating, Mr. Stroll. We wanted you both to know". Carlos was the oldest, he took the lead.

"You can't". Carlos Sr. said with his voice rough thanks to the lump in his throat.

"That's not your decision, Dad". Everything was going as expected, but they had to admit that their fathers did look more disturbed than they had foreseen.

"It is. You won't date Carlos, you will date Charles as it was planned by the PR team and I don't want to hear anything else about it". That was Charles’ cue.

"I won't date her if she's in love with my teammate. We can barely stand each other, I won't get stuck into this mess for her". It hurt, but he had to say it like that. The other two didn't budge, and they had to pull out the last resort they had to press their fathers' buttons. Y/N saw their mothers walking to the table, so she took Carlos by the chin and started to get closer to him, ready to kiss him. Before they could make contact, Carlos Sr. was pushing them away.

"You can't do that, don't do that". He was almost losing it.

"Why?". She whispered, her eyes looking into his and a chill ran down her spine.

"You're half-siblings". It was Lawrence who said it. There was a long list of options that Carlos and Y/N had made of what could have happened, being siblings was not on the list.

"What?". Charles was as stunned as them. Lawrence and Carlos Sr. sighed and rested against the backs of the seat. Their wives, paralyzed behind them, were still unnoticed by the rest of the table.

"I had an affair with Lawrence's assistant. Of course your mother didn't know about it". Carlos Jr. had an expression impossible to read as his hand gripped Y/N tightly. "She got pregnant, asked me to leave your mother. I refused. She had the baby, Y/N. But then she got postpartum depression. She killed herself three weeks after giving birth".

"Y/N, you mother had just lost a pregnancy, no one knew, I found you in that house, alone, crying. It was the chance to give your mother a baby after the one she lost". Lawrence continued.

"You had the power and money to make it happen". Charles was officially angry, and it wasn't even his identity on the line. "What did you do with her mother? Where is she buried?".

"She was cremated. I took care of everything. I gave her the best there is". Carlos Sr.'s wife was looking at Lawrence's with pain in her eyes. She knew, all this time she knew that they were raising her husband's offspring and she hid it from her.

"Why did you let us become friends?". It was Carlos Jr.'s time to ask. 

"I wanted to keep in contact with her, watch her grow. You two got along so well, she ended up liking racing too. Everything led to you two in my life". Carlos Sr. let a few tears free. "Ten years ago, we considered letting you know the truth".

"Your mother and I discussed it, but then we saw that Charles was in the house, we kind of got rid of him to talk to you, but then you looked so upset. You got disqualified from the race for fighting with Charles. We understood that you were going through a lot, so we desisted". Lawrence added.

Carlos Jr.'s mother made her presence known and the three drivers took the chance to run away from the situation, knowing that the argument the two couples had was going to be too much to witness. The three ran to Y/N's room, crossing paths with Lance on their way there. Telling Lance that his sister was not his biological sister was one of the worst conversations they had. But they were all victims of so much, they found solace in sharing the tears together. They refused their parents' calls for the night, sending a text explaining that they needed time and that they would reach out when they felt like it. The four of them stayed in the room, chatting and calming themselves down. The irony of it all struck Y/N like a lighting and she couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny, mon Ange?". Charles asked and then kissed the back of her hand.

"If my parents hadn't scared you off that morning, we would have never discovered the truth". She explained, but her brothers didn't follow. "Charles walking out on me that morning is the reason why we fought that day in the race. Because of the fight in the race, we started hating each other. Because of the rivalry, I choose to fake-date Carlos instead of Charles. Because of my choice, Dad made the call and everything else followed".

"So, if you and Charles had made up that day...". Carlos started.

"We would have probably been together today, no need for PR, no need for your fathers to say anything".  Charles finished. All four laughed softly. "I was so sad that things didn't work out back then".

"Everything happens for a reason".

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Okay, this is a LONG ASS STORY, sorry guys for not posting in months, I've been so caught up with work I literally thought I could get fired, but I had some time to edit this one. I hope you liked it. Remember to like, comment, reblog and all those beautiful things you do.

[hjinnie]

enhypen as taylor swift songs (angst ver.)

enhypen x gn!reader! fluff/angst! masterlist

✩ heeseung!

right where you left me ─ "did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it. she's still 23 inside her fantasy, and you're sitting in front of me, at the restaurant, when I was still the one you want. cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right, i could feel the mascara run, you told me that you met someone, glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on."

✩ jay!

the 1 ─ "i guess you never know, and if you wanted me you really should've showed. and if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow." "we were something, don't you think so? roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool. and if my wishes came true, it would've been you." "i persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? we were something, don't you think so? rosé flowing with your chosen family. and it would've been sweet, if it could've been me."

✩ jake!

the other side of the door ─ "i said, "leave", but all i really want is you to stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "i'm in love with you", wait there in the pourin' rain, come back for more. and don't you leave, 'cause i know all i need is on the other side of the door. with your face and the beautiful eyes, and the conversation with the little white lies, and the faded picture of a beautiful night, you carry me from your car up the stairs, and i broke down cryin', was she worth this mess? after everything and that little black dress. after everything, i must confess i need you."

✩ sunghoon!

mr. perfectly fine ─ “mr. perfect face, mr. here to stay, mr. looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away. everything was right! mr. i’ve been waiting for you all my life, mr. every single day until the end, i will be by your side! but that was when i got to know mr. change of heart, mr. leaves me all alone.. i fall apart. it takes EVERYTHING in me just to get up each day, but it's wonderful to see that you're okay! hello! mr. perfectly fine! how’s your heart after breaking mine? mr. always at the right place at the right time, baby. hello! mr. casually cruel, mr. everything revolves around you, i’ve been miss misery since your goodbye and you're mr. perfectly fine.”

✩ sunoo!

back to december ─ "so this is me swallowin' my pride, standin' in front of you sayin' i'm sorry for that night, and i go back to december all the time. it turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you, wishin' i'd realized what i had when you were mine, id go back to december, turn around and make it alright... i go back to december all the time" "your sweet smile, so good to me so right. and how you held me in your arms that september night, the first time you ever saw me cry."

✩ jungwon!

red ─ "losing him was blue like i'd never known, missing him was dark gray, all alone, forgetting him was like trynna know somebody's you never met, but loving him was red." "touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong."

✩ niki!

out of the woods ─ "we were built to fall apart, and fall back together. your necklace hanging from my neck, the night we couldn't quite forget when we decided to move the furniture so we could dance, baby like we stood a chance." "remember when you hit the brakes too soon? twenty stitches in a hospital room. when you started crying, baby, i did too, but when the sun came up i was looking at you. remember when we couldn't take the heat? i walked out, i said "i'm setting you free", but the monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up, you were looking at me."

[just-here-for-the-moment]

Congrats on the followers my friend!! You deserve all of them and many more!

I'd like to request a little something with Javier Peña, with the prompt "I can't stop thinking about you" (from dialogue prompts to make readers swoon). I'll let you decide how sweet or spicy it is, just however it strikes you. 😘

Thank you, and congrats again!!

Oh my gosh, JEN!!!! I love you so much! I hope you enjoy this slow-burn, sprinkling-of-angst-with a happy ending!

Here is a sweet "confessional" story for Javier x female DEA agent under the cut!!

The bar was half-empty, or half-full, you weren’t quite sure. And maybe it didn’t matter anyway, since you only had eyes for the man with the mustache across the table from you. He stubbed out his 5th (or was it 6th?) cigarette of the night into the amber glass ashtray on the table. You watched him purse those perfect lips and blow the stream of smoke up and away from the booth. His coffee-brown eyes came back to yours, the depths of them muted in the blue neon lights. You stared just a beat too long, and then blinked.

You shifted your attention to the table and stirred the last of your drink with your straw, watching the half-melted ice swirl in a lazy circle. Maybe tonight you would tell him how you felt. You lifted your eyes just in time to see Javier turn his head away from you to watch a very attractive woman walk by. He followed her with his eyes until she was out the front door.

Maybe not.

Javier turned back to you and waved over your head at the waitress for another round.

“You really want to stay?” You couldn’t hide the little bladed edge of irritation in your voice. Whether you stayed at the bar or not, you didn’t want to be around Javier any longer than you had to. You saw enough of him at work, and you weren’t interested in being his ‘pity date’ on a Friday night just because Steve couldn’t make it out for drinks.

Javier frowned at you, “I thought we were supposed to be celebrating tonight, amiga. Big win with the arrest warrant this week, remember? Why are you so cranky?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, and then rubbed your tired eyes. “It’s been a long week, and I just don’t feel very festive tonight. Okay?”

The waitress brought your drinks and Javier tossed a few bills on her tray. You picked up your third drink (fourth?) and watched Javier watch the waitress walk away. You downed your drink in record time and stood. “Right, I’m going home.”

“Already? We just got here.”

You snapped, “No, you just got here, I’ve been here all night, watching you watch other women. Not as much fun for me as it was for you. I’m done.”

You made for the ladies room and peed, then sat there for an extra two minutes, hoping that Javi would be gone by the time you got back out. You only got up when another woman needed the stall. You washed your hands as slowly as you dared, then dried them carefully and reapplied your lip balm at a snail’s pace. The face in the mirror looking back at you was your own, just sadder and more tired than you had seen her in a while.

When you finally emerged, Javier was right there waiting for you. He was leaning back against the wall opposite the ladies room, arms crossed over his chest, legs crossed at the ankle. Anyone who didn’t know him well would have thought he looked casual. You knew he was pissed off. The moment you swung the ladies room door open and stepped out, his dark eyes were on yours. It took your breath away, just for a moment, but that was long enough for him to unfold himself and take your upper arm in his strong grip.

“I’ll make sure you get home safe. I can’t let you travel home this late by yourself, Agent.” Agent. Fuck, he really was pissed.

You didn’t argue, partly because you knew he was in that mood, and partly because of the sensation of his hand, large and warm, wrapped firmly around your arm just above your elbow. It wasn’t painful, but something about feeling how strong his hands were, how he gripped you sent your mind running to the same places it had been running to for months.

Javier propelled you out of the bar to his car, opening the front passenger side door and standing like a sentry until you were tucked in and belted, then he closed the door with a pop. Neither one of you spoke until he parked the car on the ground floor of the garage at the DEA apartment block. Your apartment was just down the hall from Steve and Connie, two floors up from Javier. It was cozy, mostly. Nice to have neighbors who you already knew. Not nice when someone had a crush on someone else and couldn’t avoid them.

Javier turned the engine off and broke the silence first, “I’ll walk you to your door.”

You bit your lips together and nodded, sucking in a deep breath through your nose. Bad idea. The smell of Javier settled deep in your sinuses and stayed there: his cologne and cigarettes and the breath mint he was chewing, and something uniquely him, all of them mixing and intensified in the still air of the car. You blew the long breath out through your mouth and it took most of your hurt feelings with it.

You turned to him but you both spoke at the same time and chaos reigned for a moment.

“Why didn’t you want me looking at-”

“I’m sorry, Javi, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, you go first-”

“No, you can- Wait, what?”

Normally you would have laughed together and cleared the air, one of you deferring to the other to speak first. This time there was something tense. You had been on the verge of apologizing for snapping at him, a means of smoothing things over while sweeping your own discomfort under the rug. You’d hoped that if you could apologize for being sharp, you could get back to ‘normal’ and just be work partners. Like how it was before your heart got in the way. You thought maybe if you just did that enough, buried everything deeply enough, Javier would never guess how you felt.

And if Javier had been any other man, that might have worked. But he wasn’t the type to feign shyness to help ease your own shyness. Another man might have chuckled and looked away from you, played with his hands on the steering wheel to pass a few awkward seconds. Javier used those deep brown eyes to pierce your defenses and asked you the direct question you had been dreading since your outburst at the bar.

“Why didn’t you want me to look at other women?”

You paused, keeping your breathing even. You blinked a few times but you didn’t look away.

“I don’t care. Look at whoever you want. It’s none of my business.” A lie. And he knew it. And worse yet, you knew that he knew it.

“No amiga, you do care. Or at least you did half an hour ago.” You hated how intense he could be, so calm on the outside while he drew secrets out of panicked people via interrogation. “What is it that you don’t want me to know? What are you not telling me?”

“Nothing.” You put a hard backing to your next words. “Drop it.”

You turned and opened your door, not waiting for Javier to follow as you speed-walked from his car across the parking garage. You slammed through the door to the lobby and took the stairs two at a time to your floor, telling yourself it was necessary exercise, part of staying in shape for foot chases… not avoidance, not the fear of facing Javier and telling him your embarrassing truth. You heard his footsteps land a moment behind yours, and you didn’t bother holding the stairwell door for him. He caught it on the backswing and was just a step behind you as you approached your door.

“I can get inside from here just fine. Good night.” You spoke your words to the keys in your hand, to your doormat, anywhere but to him.

He reached a hand out to hold your wrist, and it was the most gentle touch he had ever laid on you. It matched his low murmur of, “Hey. Wait…”

You turned to face him, and you opened your mouth to repeat the lies, the denials, to try to say something that would brush over tonight’s embarrassment with a clean sweep and let you face yourself and him in the morning. But the look on his face, the way his eyes were soft instead of probing, the whisper of his touch on your wrist when normally he was rough with his high fives and his handshakes… suddenly your voice didn’t work.

Javier looked at you the way that you had hoped for months that he would look at you, but it wasn’t how you wanted this to go. This painful reveal of innermost secrets and feelings. You wanted him to want you, to be bowled over by you, not to pity you or treat you like an idiot. But still, that look on his face, it struck something deep within you and you decided that you would take that look however you could get it.

You opened your mouth to speak and so did Javier, but this time instead of speaking at cross purposes, instead of a jumble of words tumbling into each other, you both said the exact same thing...

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Heat rose in your face at your own admission, at your absolute sureness that he would peel away from you, be upset at you for feeling too much, but the minute you realized his own words had matched yours, you felt the heat in your face ebb away, and before you could process it, before you could think, Javier mumbled a quick, “Fuck it,” and then his hand was on your waist and you were being pulled into his arms and you just went limp and let him kiss you.

The instant his second kiss landed, your brain came back to life and you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him as deeply as you could, not breaking off even when your next-door neighbor’s apartment door opened, not when it closed again with a soft bang, and not until you felt Javier’s erection grazing your hip.

You finally broke the kiss, breathing out a high-pitched, “Inside?”

Javier grabbed you firmly around the waist and pulled you tighter. “Inside.” His voice was nearly a growl, and you felt your panties get hot and wet.

You took Javier inside your apartment, slamming the door behind you. And you finally confessed everything, with your lips and your body and your legs wrapped around him until the small hours of the morning.

[alirhi]

10 Sebastian roles as boyfriends

Because... I'm bored and I feel like it. 😂 Probably some spoilers for, like... everything? So yeah... That.

Putting it under here for easy scrolling:

10: Chase Collins

Who doesn't love a goofball? In the first half of the movie, Chase is basically perfect. He's sweet, funny, not all caught up in his ego, and actually pays attention to what the girls around him are saying, not just to what he wants to hear. If not for the whole... it was all an act to get close to Caleb and try to steal his magic thing, Chase would actually be a damn good high school boyfriend. He's adorable and would be a fun date, but he's also only 18 so best not to start making long-term plans lol. Also, y'know... the whole psycho revenge/power grab thing.

9 Jack Benjamin

Y'all. Y'all. Words cannot describe how much I love Jack. Pretty sure I've made this clear. As a person/character in general, he's absolutely in my Top 3 - not just of Sebastian's characters, but any character ever. ❤ But as a boyfriend? Boy's got baggage. It's what makes me so protective of him, but seeing as how he's trapped in the closet thanks to his overbearing homophobic family and the insane expectations heaped on him, as the show left him, he can't handle an honest relationship. He's too easily influenced by all the wrong people, poor babe.

8 Chris (Destroyer)

On paper, undercover cop sounds cool and exciting, but even if you ignore the fact that he, y'know, dies... Chris got in too deep and kinda lost the mission, so to speak. Best case scenario, you're his sexy partner and in on it all with him and end up on the lam for the rest of your lives. Worst case, this man lies for a living, so can you even trust him? And... yeah. The whole dead thing. Chris is hot af but getting involved with him is a recipe for disaster.

7 Ben

Min and Hathor have mercy, I love Ben! He's smart, he's snarky, he's caring and loyal... he's an absolute disaster. He's another one who seems allergic to honesty, until his lying and avoiding nearly kill his girlfriend. Not exactly relationship goals lol. Everything before totally was, though! Ben's adorable, and I love how he stayed up all night to protect his girlfriend (from a ghost/demon thing... with a baseball bat. I said he was smart, not perfect, okay? XD points for effort lol)

6 Mickey Henry

I. LOVE. MICKEY. Oml I love Mickey. He's a spazz and - even more so than Ben - an absolute disaster of a human being, but I love him. Pros for dating Mickey Henry: he's fun, he's carefree, he'll cook for you even though he's kinda bad at it lol, he loves his son and wants to be a good dad, he wants his partner to be happy and to love life as much as he does. Cons, and the reason he's not higher on the list: He's a pushover; easily influenced by the toxic people in his life, and it gets him into a lot of trouble. Being easily influenced by toxic dumpster fire of a human being Chloe almost lost him the partial custody of his son that he barely even had. He's an absolute sweetheart, but he's a complete man-child, and dating him would often feel more like raising him.

5 Frank "Suffer Buddy"

Come on! You know he and Mickey had to be back-to-back - they're practically the same character! 😂 Frank is Mickey... slightly more grown up. He's still a disaster, but he's respectful of boundaries, he's caring, he's funny in a dry, witty way that I just adore, and hoo lordy that man is a giver! 🥴🥵 Honestly, if he didn't smoke and didn't ditch Daphne in the middle of a party hours away from everything familiar to her surrounded by strangers to go do drugs, I'd call Frank perfect. He listened, he respected her wishes, he tried to keep some distance between them when he found out she'd gone on a date with his best friend (it failed utterly and brought us to the "damn that man's good with his mouth" portion of the movie lmao but still)... I don't have a whole lot of experience with men who actually give a shit, okay? So Frank is like a goddamn unicorn to me lmao. But that drug thing... That keeps him at the bottom of the Top 5 for me. Sorry, bb

4 Bucky

I can already hear everyone on here raging at me for placing Bucky so low on this list, but hear me out: I love this man. I love all four iterations of this man. Flirty 40s Bucky was a doll (fun date, not commitment material). Post-POW camp 40s Bucky had a fire to him that set me on fire. The Winter Soldier can choke me any damn day. Unf. And TFATWS Bucky... Oh, lady above, 2023 Bucky is a gem! He's sweet, snarky, and broken. He feels utterly, wretchedly alone in the world, and everyone around him, including his only friend, is telling him to "man up" and "make amends" for shit that was never his fault to begin with, rather than helping him come to terms with all that he's suffered and all that he's survived. Bucky needs and deserves love. A relationship with him would be so solid, if he found the right person... But it would take a fuck ton of work. He needs someone strong, patient, and more stubborn than he is to prod him until he finds a better therapist and actually opens up, and to keep him on track because even good therapy comes with homework. He does have to "do the work," Sam was right about that much, but he was way off base with what that "work" is. Bucky needs help and understanding, and he would be an amazing boyfriend... if he found someone with the strength to help him weather his nightmares and flashbacks, and help pull him out of this PTSD pit he's been in since 1943.

3 Chris Beck

Big brains turn me on, okay? 😂This man is an astronaut and a surgeon! Yes, please! Come here, you sexy genius! He's smart, he's funny - pretty sure Sebastian is incapable of playing anyone who's not delightfully snarky lol. He's pragmatic when he needs to be but there's also nothing he wouldn't do or risk for the ones he loves. This man is husband material and I cannot be convinced otherwise! So why isn't he #1? Cuz of the whole... spending years in space, thing. Super cool job and I'd be his biggest fan on the ground, but god damn, I would miss him while he's away!

2 TJ Hammond

Look, I'm gender fluid and he's a little bit bi 😂😂😂 Let me have my fantasy, okay? TJ's definitely got a lot of shit to work through, but love brings out the best in him. Before that fucking closeted shitbag broke his heart and stomped on it for good measure, TJ was clean and sober for months, he was happy, he was playing piano again, he was pulling himself together. Not only would he be an amazing boyfriend, but his partner would get the extra joy of getting to watch their love and devotion to him be the thing that saves this beautiful man's life. It's not healthy overall to tie your self worth and will to live to a relationship, but if he found the right person who would be there for him through all of life's shit and stick it out, I think he'd be okay. Even after his lowest point and without the support of his family, TJ still had a dream and he still chased it. He's not just the sweetest person to ever grace our screens, but he's ambitious and business-savvy, too. Keep him off drugs and watch this man take over the world, I'm telling you!

So why is TJ only #2? Well, besides the fact that he's like 99% gay and I have no bits he'd be interested in lmao, there's also the fact that this guy owns my heart:

1 Will Franklyn

And not just because we get to see him wet and mostly naked lol. Will is fucking perfect. I would die for this man... because he's already shown that he would die for his love. He almost fucking did, and they weren't even together yet! He's smart and very aware, he's a writer so we'd get to bond/geek out over books together, he's not all full of himself (self-deprecating humor ftw!) and he's willing to help a total stranger despite actual mortal peril, just because it's the right thing to do. Fierce, intelligent, sassy, strong-willed, and a flawless moral compass? YESYESYESYESYES! Forget boyfriend - let me MARRY this man! 😍🥰

[yejiroh]

Hello! I love your Wake Up and See Me story! (not so secret slut for angst and character death) I'd like to request very angsty HCs for Obey me! charas x fem!reader who is still grieving for her family singing her mother's lullaby while spacing out somewhere public. The lullaby in question being Lullaby of Woe by Ashley Serena, The Hanging Tree from Hunger Games series or Come Little Children by Erutan. Wanna see their reactions so bad!!!

I- I really need to update that series. Thank you so much for the support of it anon!

And thank you for the request darling! I’m sorry it took so long, but the lullaby’s were beautiful! So yes, I decided to listen to them all and match them with who I think it’d get the best reaction from! I made a little scene as well before the reactions, so it may or may not be a bit of a long read.

Lullaby Reaction! Obey Me BROTHERS x Fem!MC (ANGST)

Couldn't add the Keep Reading link because Tumblr is a beeotch. Sorry not sorry to everyone because this is LONG!

***

TRIGGER WARNING: death, loss of parents, toxicity, mentions of cannibalism, more death, child abuse, traumatic stress, mentions of suicide, nightmare factors, unintentional murder, loss of siblings, and as the anon requested, A SHIT TON OF ANGST!

Side note: I really really liked Lullaby of Woe...may consider making a series based on the lyrics. Who knows?

***

This one is kind of long because I did get carried away, but I do hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

***

Lucifer, Mammon and Beezlebub: Come Little Children

As the cool Autumn breeze hit her face, MC took a sip from the hot cup between her clothed hands. Today would mark the 15th year since the orphanage- her orphanage, had burned down. All 23 children and her parents except she had burned to an ash- less than that truly. She, with her ill body and frail stature, she, with her poor value and level of importance, she, the one who had been trapped in the building longest of all.

Every time she had walked into the toy store around the corner, MC felt pulled towards the puzzle sets. Specifically, the 24 piece sets. MC was the 24th child. But she was also the first. Every day, she’d buy a set, just to lay it on their graves, sorry that she had been left behind. 

“Come little children, I’ll take thee away, into a land of enchantment…oh momma, I’m so sorry I let you all down...I’m sorry I played with the fire, I’m sorry.” A tear had poured down, slid to her dry lips as she desperately held them back.

“I’m sorry momma...papa...I’m sorry I didn’t listen...I’m sorry I killed you all…”

And, as she walked away from the tombstones, a heart that was not hers broke.

{Reactions}

LUCIFER:

1.Never before had Lucifer been so...disturbed.

2.The song was stunning, and that was true….but somehow he could relate

3.He would definitely stay on the down low for a while, his pride showing when he has to come up with lies as to why he wasn’t talking to you

4.Okay, flashbacks for weeks. He was genuinely affected by the song.

5.In the end, he needs more comfort than you once he finally kicks pride out the window and sheds tears in front of you.

6.“I’m sorry, MC…”

MAMMON:

1.Okay...he wasn’t the best at spying on you-but he was worried! Your behavior was odd since last Sunday...actually, every Sunday.

2.He ran out to you, crying hard as he tackled you, saying how sorry he was for digging into your personal life. 

3.The demon was holding fistfulls of little puzzle pieces, candy, and notes, claiming they were from the souls of the children, who wished you the best in life and to move on.

4.He, the avatar of greed, had done something of huge charitable value for these children as he held you close

5.Yes, he got flashbacks….but decided not to dwell on them, more so trying to comfort you.

6.“Stupid human...you can come to me always, ya know that?”

BEEZLEBUB:

1.Beezlebub doesn’t always show his feelings, sure. But he does, forever and always, come for those he cares about. 

2.It’s like a magnetic pull as you cry. He’s there, wiping the large tear threatening to spill with his thumb, licking it off before wiping his hand off. 

3.A kind smile with eyes pain ridden as his big hands engulf your own, for he too, had a tragic past and lost someone he considered blood.

4.“It’s okay, MC. They’re right here, and always will be. Please don’t cry.” He says as he points to your heart, right by your breast, but with no sexual intent. Only comfort. 

5.“Come on, big girl, don’t cry, I’m here.” He says, holding you close and running his fingers through your hair with the gentlest of touches.

6. No one can harm you in your vulnerable state as the Avatar of Gluttony protects you.

Satan and Asmodeus: The Hanging Tree

It was in class- herbology. The lesson was on wisteria trees when MC bordly began to hum a tune.

“Are you, are you, coming to the tree? They strung up a man, they say who murdered three. Strange things did happen here no stranger would it be, if we met at midnight, in the hanging tree.” 

“Miss L/n quiet down! I’m trying to teach!” The professor had called out, but MC was lost as tears began to bubble up. She continued her little song quietly as her desk mates huffed in annoyance. She’d done this every day of the week, only to end up crying. Nobody knew what was wrong with her, nor did they get a word out of her. Not until Amso took MC and Satan out for a spa treatment.

Filing her nails, Asmo blew off the dust, his brows furrowed.

“Say, MC?”

“Yeah?”

“Why is it you sing that depressing song every time someone brings up wisteria trees?”

Now Satan looked up, lifting a cucumber off his eye, his curiosity sparked. MC looked away, pulling her hand away from Asmo’s as she pulled her knees to her chest, a deep sigh escaping her lips. Asmo quickly waved his hands in front of him.

“Oh, sorry, sorry MC! I didn’t know it was a touchy subject-”

Satan interrupted. “Care to share?”

“Satan!”

“No, no, Asmo- it’s okay. It’s...it’s just not something I really talk about.” MC said, finishing off with a whisper. 

The two leaned in, eyes big and expectant when MC looked to them.

“You know, my father passed away when I was really young. It was a selfish reason, really- to put it into his own words, it was, “To escape the responsibility of life.” , but that wasn’t the case.” MC  raised her pant leg, revealing all the burn marks and scars covering the skin. 

“It was really to escape the guilt of hurting me.”

The brothers went quiet for a moment before Satan put a hand up.

“So what does that have to do with that song you were singing?”

MC smiled bitterly. “Because he was the man in The Hanging Tree my mother always sang to me.”

“So what happened to your mother?”

“She too, joined him in death…and left me alone.”

{Reactions}

SATAN: 

1.He was at a loss for words, to say the least.

2.Never, in the demon’s countless millennia had he come across such a pitiful soul

3.Taking a bite of the cucumber before tossing it aside, he took the other off, tracing his fingers across the burns that resembled his rage: Ugly, loved, and traumatizing

4.As the room was quiet, he just felt intrigued to know more, had to know more. 

5.“You’re very strong, MC.”

6.The Hanging Tree did not leave his mind for quite some time as he tried to figure out the mystery MC had unknowingly left implanted in his brain.

ASMODEUS:

1.He has never ruined his makeup by crying in front of somewhere. Never ever.

2.But he sure as hell came close to it. 

3.Asmo had nothing to say but grab MC’s hands and kiss them softly over and over again before continuing the manicure he had initially started.

4.A mental note to take MC’s mind off other things so as not to give her wrinkles from stress or depression. 

Leviathan and Belphegor: Lullaby of Woe

She never had a peaceful night's rest. The dreams always came back to haunt her.Each night, she’d live through it, again, and again, and again. Oh, how the false man in white would come to her, a mischievous grin on his handsome face before cutting into her mind, showing her the deaths at her fault. Her mother, kind and beautiful, always coming in to protect her, reassure her that it wasn’t real, that she was seeing things. 

“Momma, please! I’m scared! I don’t wanna see him again momma!” A little girl wailed, holding onto her mother’s waist, legs wrapped around in a firm hold, hands bundled in her clothes.

“My darling, please just sleep~ I’ll always be here love. Always.”

And always she was, for her remains laid in that rotting home to this day, not yet known. Still, no one would believe the late Mrs. L/n’s daughter.

MC shuffled more in her sleep before finally waking up, eyes puffy from the unconscious crying. Slowly she got up, getting ready for the school day as she washed her face, prepared, and left the room. 

“Good morning.” Each of the brothers would greet her, to which she’d return a small nod. There was nothing to talk about. Not when these nightmares haunted her so.

A little girl sat by her mother’s corpse, a man beside her.

Drink, child. Feast in the blood of a sinner.

“...But….but mother wasn’t a sinner…”

“Ignorant child. You are but a bastard, for she was never married. Drink and cleanse yourself of the blood of a sinner. Repent and be saved.”

Truly, the false man in white was but a liar, wanting nothing more than a child’s innocence and fortune as he toyed with her. 

Lost in her own fantasies, she began to sing, the tall Jubokko tree towering beneath her with the damned’s skulls by her feat. 

“For the witcher, heartless, cold...Paid in coin of gold, He comes he’ll go leave naught behind, but heartache and woe…”

“Deep, deep woe, for the witcher, heartless, cold, Paid in coin of gold, he comes…”

MC’s voice broke into it, pathetic cracks of the voice clear but quiet as she stopped.

A small applause was heard behind her; Belphie and Levi had seen and listened patiently, attentive and concerned.

The Avatar of Sloth put his arms down, kicking a skull as he sat down.

“That was a beautiful song, MC. What has made you so upset?”

Levi too, had sat down, his eyes no longer focused on the forgotten D.D.D.

MC just smiled sheepishly, sitting down with the boys as she tucked back a loose strand away. 

“It was nothing important. A story for another time.”

{Reactions}

BELPHEGOR:

1.Girl, honey, darling. You're lying. It’s okay! You can trust him!

2.If MC doesn’t end up telling him, then he can just slip into the dreams (I think?)

3.Honestly worried for you. He’s the Avatar of Sleep- he KNOWS you’ve been disturbed lately, and more so than others.

4.Can you imagine the pure look of hatred once he finds out about this man?

5.And ew, you drank your mother’s blood? 

6.But that’s cannibalism, which is a major sin so…

7.I guess you really can stay with him forever!

8.Honestly, he’s like a flame; burns as long as there’s fuel, then will move on to another topic.

LEVIATHAN:

1.So yeah. He didn’t really say anything.

2.But he was listening. 

3.Didn’t make an anime reference once because nothing he’s ever knew of had been that horrifying. 

4. Didn’t wanna make you feel shy about it, but kind of hints about it later on. 

5.No, he doesn’t care about the man, because as you sat down on the skull ridden dirt, you just seemed so...peaceful

[dazed--xx]

Beside you 3

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 3,494 

Genre: Angst, Smut, Light Fluff

Trigger Warning: None

A/N: SO here’s part 3 i got inspired and just wrote it Part 4 will be coming soon hope you guys enjoy. 10 COMMENTS FOR PART 4. 

My arm released quickly as Sang realized the figure behind me. “Jungkook! I-I didn’t know t-that s-she was....I'm sorry I swear I didn't know Min-Jun invited me on a date with S-Sunny and Y/N I didn’t even know she was married” Sang stuttered terrified. Jungkook grips my wrist and spins me to face him “Are you okay?” I nod “I just want to go” I push past Jungkook and run out the door as I hear Jungkook and Sunny’s voices calling my name. Rushing down the street as the need to vomit rises in my stomach. Leaning over the side of the apartment building, the world spinning as the alcohol takes over.  

A strong hand began rubbing my back, as the stranger pulls my hair out of the trajectory of the vomit. Tears stream down my face, as the figure speaks “Shhhh, I got you baby....” Jungkook’s melodic soothing voice goes through my ears. Soon the sickness subsides and Jungkook is carrying me back to his car. My exhausted frame too weak to walk. We get to Jungkook's car and he releases my legs, pulling me close to his frame sobbing. I wrap my arms around his neck, him holding me as if he's going to wake up and I will disappear. “Kookie-ah” I whine “I'm cold can we get in the car now?” He chuckles and pulls away opening the passenger door.  

The second he sits in the driver's seat he has a vice grip on my hand. “So, um... am I bringing you to umm Sunny’s?” He asks hesitantly. I shake my head remembering her words. “Honestly I don’t really have anywhere to go....” I mumble. A loud sigh escapes his lips as he pulls my face to look in his eyes. “Come home...you can always come home to me baby and you know that....” I shake my head “How would I know that I figured you would’ve moved on already...” Anger builds in his face as he hits the steering wheel shouting “GODAMMIT Y/N! YOU DON’T FUCKING GET IT! THERES NO MOVING THE FUCK ON!!! I WANT YOU....YOU! YOU FUCKING BRAT CAN'T YOU GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULL!!!”  

“Excuse me!? Who's the one that fucked some random slut on the night they slept with me? Who’s the one that slept with some bartender not even 3 hours after being married? Who’s the one that degraded me every second up until our wedding when YOU fucking knew how I felt? I've done everything for you ever since we were kids. I took everything your evil friends did until that night. You betrayed me and I still went through with this. You embarrassed me multiple times and then lied to me” I shout confusion appearing on Jungkook’s face “What are you- what do you mean how you-”  

“IVE LOVED YOU SINCE FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL DON’T ACT LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW BECAUSE I CONFESSED AND YOU KNOW I CONFESSED AND YOURE GOING TO USE ME NOW LIKE YOU FUCKING DID THEN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!” The memory slowly returning to his mind. His face freezing “I know what you mean now b-but this-s isn't like that Y/N I swear” His voice shaky his hand reaching for mine. “You just want me back there so you don’t look like a failure in front of our parents....I'm not stupid Jungkook” He sighs running his hand through his hair. “Baby the only thing I want is for you to come home. It broke me when you left, especially after I told you I love you...You didn’t even let me know you were okay. I’ve been worried.” and for the first time I really looked at Jungkook’s face.  

His eyes are red and swollen, dark bags under them. His frame thinner, hands less steady. His worry looks still stuck on his face. “But then I get that text, your text and it was obvious you were drunk you would never say things like that when you’re sober.” Confusion rising in my body.... MY TEXT?!?! “Wait what do you mean you got my text?” Jungkook pulls his phone out and hands it to me. “Yeah! Look you texted me...how else did you think I found you baby girl.” Turning the phone screen on a picture of me and Jungkook from our wedding is on his lock screen. The picture of us sharing our kiss as husband and wife. My eyes lock onto the photo examining it, my fingers trace over my lips as the ghost of his kiss appearing on them. The car pulling into the street, as my messages appear on the screen.  

“I need to know where I'm bringing you or I'm just going to bring you to your parents.” “NO!” I shout as Jungkook jumps out of his seat swerving the car “FUCK Y/N! DON’T DO THAT” He reprimands me. “I’m sorry but I don’t want to go there, I haven't told them...” “I know....” He interrupts. “How?” Suspicion rising within me, did you stalk me Jungkook? Fuck how do you know that

“Your mother came by 2 weeks ago to take you out to lunch, she seemed genuinely confused when I told her you weren't there. So, I figured to keep our business ours and just said you went out with your friend to spend the day together.” He chuckles at my accusing tone. “Oh.” My mind drifts off, the memory of the club returning to my mind “Well can you bring me back to your place.... Me and Sunny-” "I know I heard; I can bring you to get your things if you want” “Oh....um....” “Please, Baby...just come home okay? I'll do anything, I'll give you your space you can have your room I haven't changed anything. I can change, Areum is gone.... She means nothing to me. She was gone the second you gave yourself to me. I didn’t tell her that morning because I didn’t talk to her until after you had already left me to tell her to leave me alone.” His voice shaky. “If I knew how that night was going to pan out, I would have never left your side” He turns onto his street.  

“Look I-” “No please let me finish, If I knew what they were planning back then I would have never done it I'm sorry I didn’t protect you. You were my best friend in middle school and then I met Byeong-Cheo, he was cool and didn’t care about anything anyone said. I followed behind him and that was the same with how he treated people, we were terrible. But please know I was in that video too okay? I didn’t know it was being filmed let alone being distributed to the entire school. I beat him senseless after figuring out it was him and haven't spoken to him since.” He pulls into the driveway of his home; memories begin flooding back into my mind. Jungkook's hand grasping mine, his other making me face him. “You can tell me to take you somewhere else...but you know I'd like you to stay” He mumbles, my eyes shifting to our hands interwoven.  

My hand in Jungkook’s it feels so natural, comforting. I grasp his hand back “Look at me, Y/N” he whispers. My eyes following his hand noticing the fresh ink upon it. Trailing up his defined bicep, the worry in his eyes a frown permanently placed on his lips. His eyes traveling to my lips, silence around us. He sighs “We should get inside. It's going to get cold and you’re only wearing.... that” His eyes following the low sinking neckline, his bottom lip in-between his teeth. I smile, “Yeah, I’m still a little tipsy” getting out of the car. The alcohol taking over as the world spins. Jungkook rushing to my side to steady my feet as I wobble trying to walk toward the door. His hands fumbling with the keys, shaky and nervous.  

The heat from the familiar home rushes through my skin. Finding solace on the couch as Jungkook runs to his bedroom. Laying back as the familiar surroundings make me feel at home. 2 articles of clothing hit me in the face “Get changed you probably aren’t too comfortable in that dress” Jungkook says from behind the couch. A seductive smirk appears on my face “I need you to help me, I don’t feel too good” I whine as I lift my hands. He smiles and lifts the dress over my arms tossing it to the side. “Fuck...” He mumbles as his eyes trail down my body. He lifts the shirt I recognize as my own, my hands halt his movements. Lifting my body, my face to his chest hands sliding around his waist sliding under his shirt lifting it slowly. “Y/N-” I silence him “I want to wear this one” I pout. “I can right kookie” I ask as cute as possible. He bites his lip and nods. Taking his shirt off and placing it on me.  

I toss the shorts he grabbed to the side, as he walks toward the kitchen “You should eat something so you don’t throw up again? I'm going to get you some water” He returns with a glass of water shoving it into my hands “Here. Wait here I'll be back with something for you to eat” He says roughly. I follow behind him back to the kitchen as he starts prepping some rice. “I didn’t know you could cook” I say softly, “You never asked” He retorted. The rice almost done as Jungkook prepares the kimchi in a pan, I sneak behind him my water long forgotten as his shirtless frame stands focused on his task. My hand snakes around his waist, sliding over his abs. Jungkook’s body tenses as my fingers make contact with his skin. Slowly, I slide my hand down toward his hard member, Jungkook turning the burner off. “Y/N, you need to eat” He says curtly.  

I pout as I pull away and sit at the dining table, him placing a beautiful meal in front of me. Not realizing how hungry I was until the food was in front of me, I take a small bite as a burst of flavor explodes in my mouth. After the food is gone, feeling a little more sober. “Thank you that was really good I appreciate it.” I mumble looking down feeling guilty. I shouldn’t have called him this is messed up; he shouldn’t have to take care of you. “I'd do anything for you” He states softly, almost like a whisper. I nod slowly, its silent again. “You should get some sleep. You’ve probably had a long night.” Jungkook speaks up after a few minutes of silence standing up from the table. I nod hesitantly, not wanting the night to end. The fear this is a dream creeping in my as I stand and head toward my old bedroom. Jungkook hugging me before I open the door “Goodnight baby girl” He sighs. My heart racing at his tone, the need to feel his lips on mine grows the longer he holds me. Pulling back, I wrap my arms around his neck hugging him back pressing my lips against his. His lips moving against mine instantly, pressing me against the wall.  

My hand pulling at his hair holding him against my body. My panties growing wet as I pull his bottom lip in-between my teeth. His member pressed against my thigh, hard. Jungkook pulls away his forehead against mine “Baby...You’re drunk...I shouldn’t” “You don’t want me” I pout, making puppy dog eyes. He kisses me softly his hand sliding around my throat “You know that’s not it, baby girl your drunk and I'm not the type to take advantage” I press my lips against his neck “Do you miss me like I miss you?” I whisper, I feel him nod. I nibble “I never stopped thinking about how you fucked me... I'm not that drunk please” I brush my lips against his as I beg. “Baby stop...don’t” He pulls back, my hands taking a hold of his before he can pull them off. I shift back to my spot on his neck and begin sucking and nibbling a small red mark, claiming him for my own. “Fuck, baby girl... you're making my cock so hard. Stop please...” He begs.  

My lips trail down his torso, I nip on the soft area over his waistline. Pulling his sweatpants down exposing his member smacking against his stomach. “Baby you don’t-” His words cut off as my tongue runs from the base of his shaft to his tip, his left hand gripping my hair. His right finding his balance against the wall in front of him. Profanities escaping his lips as I take him in my mouth. Soon his thrusts are sloppy, stuttering his words “F-fuck, I l-lov-ve th-is mou-th.” My pussy growing wetter at his pleasure, surely a puddle in my panties. His climax approaching fast as I rapidly bob my head up and down forcing him into my throat. “S-SHIT, THAT’S IT BABY GIRL! FUCK SUCK THIS COCK, SWALLOW ALL MY CUM.....IM SO FUCKING CLOSE KEEP GOING BABY GIRL” He looks at me, caressing my face. “Hmmm that’s my good girl, you look so fucking beautiful with this cock in your mouth. I can’t wait to reward you...FUCK!” His praises cut off as his seed spills into my mouth.

I swallow the contents in my mouth standing slowly turning away from Jungkook embarrassed by my actions. I rush to open my bedroom door, as Jungkook wraps his arms around my waist, his hand in my hair pulling my head to the side as his lips attack my neck. A moan escapes my lips “Where do you think you’re going?” A rough smack to my ass as Jungkook’s hand snakes around my neck. “You were just so good for me what happened?” He questions lust and dominance in his eyes. I look toward the ground, ashamed and silent. Another rough smack to my ass as he leads me into the room. “Answer daddy when he’s talking to you. What happened to my good girl? Why did you try to leave daddy like that?”  

“I’m sorry daddy I just felt a little embarrassed” I look toward the ground squeezing my thighs together, turned on by his dominance. My panties soaked, the taste of his cum still on my tongue. He spins me around pressing his lips against mine. “Come here baby girl let me make you feel as good you just made me feel would you like that?” I nod “Good girls use their words; you want to be daddy’s good girl, right?” He whispers against my lips. “Yes daddy” I moan, as he pushes me back against my bed. His tongue running over my soaked core through my panties. “Hmmmm you taste so good baby girl, so fucking wet and I haven't even touched you yet. You must get so turned on being treated like my little slut huh baby?” I cover my face in embarrassment Jungkook's frame jumping up pulling my hands away “Don't be embarrassed with me kitten... you're mine and I'm yours I don’t care about anything else your pussy is amazing to me I love how well you behave for me. You do things for me and me only, that’s what makes me cum so fucking hard for you baby girl” He kisses me, leaving a trail of kisses down to my core.  

He pulls my panties off swiftly. His tongue attacking my clit my hand tangling in his hair. “FUCK!” “Hmm that’s it baby” He moans licking rapidly at my core. My climax building quickly “No! Daddy please I want to cum on your big cock fuck me please” He pulls back smirking, sliding into my core slowly. “Fuck baby girl, you're so tight” He moans burying his head in my neck. His size stretching me out immensely, “Fuck baby you waited for me, didn’t you? Of course, you did, you’re my baby girl. No one else would be enough for you.” He thrusts roughly as he speaks. “I was so scared someone else was making my kitten cum for them.” “Only you daddy, I belong to you, fuck just like that” I moan out interrupting him as his pace speeds up.  

“Fuck that’s your pussy daddy make me cum on this big dick, ughhhh” the profanities released through my mouth as he fucks me roughly. His member attacking my g-spot. “Daddy” “Who’s making you feel this good baby?” “You!” “Say my name” His hand wraps around my throat. I sit silent from the angle as he attacks my core my climax growing closer and closer. He pulls out “Noooo!!!!!!!!!! Daddy why?” “Answer me next time.” I pout. “Let me see that beautiful ass baby.” I blush and flip onto my stomach. He thrusts into me returning to his original pace “Fuck daddy” he smacks my ass roughly, pulling my head back by my hair. “whose pussy is that?” “Yours daddy” his thrust grow sloppy. “Fuck! Who fucks you the way you deserve?” “Fuck!!!! YOU DADDY YOU FUCK ME SO GOOD” my eyes roll to the back of my head as I feel that familiar knot form in my stomach. “Let the whole neighborhood know who owns this pussy” “Jungkook!” “Fuck yes say my name again baby girl it sounds so fucking beautiful out of your mouth” his thrusts becoming sloppier and rougher bringing me to my orgasm as I tighten around him. “Fuck Jungkook! AHHH I'm cumming baby” “FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!” warmth falls in between my legs as Jungkook forces his lips on mine caressing my face.  

Pulling himself off of me, he looks into my eyes. “I really hope this wasn’t a dream. Baby I'm so lost without you” He says shakily. “We’ll talk about the important stuff in the morning let me enjoy this....us...for now” I whisper softly, exhausted. “Come here baby girl. I need to hold you; I need you close to me just for tonight let me have that” He begs. I press my lips against his softly as he lies on his back, my head resting on his chest as we drift off to sleep.  

The sun shining into the curtain in the morning is blinding, my head killing me. The side of the bed next to me empty, my eyes flutter open slowly. Sliding out of the bed, walking toward the bathroom groggy. A knock on the bathroom door alerting me to the fact that I've drifted off using the restroom. “Y/N?” Jungkook's shaky voice calls out from the other side of the door. I open the door, Jungkook’s troubled look plastered on his face a coffee in his hand. Smiling at his figure “Yes? I can't pee now?” I joke “Oh! Of course, I just went back to the room and you weren't there. I went to get you some coffee and Advil I figured you'd be a little hungover since last night” Last night flooding back into my mind as I mess with him “ugh I don’t remember much....it's all fuzzy I remember getting here and then nothing” I shrug. The color from his face drains “Y-you don’t?” he questions as I burst out laughing and pull him into a kiss. “That rings a bell” I giggle, realization dawns on him and he whines “That's not right you know I was nervous about this” “Don't be I remember everything okay I wasn’t that drunk” He gives me a knowing look “I sobered up throughout the night.” I laugh.  

“Can you maybe spend the day with me? If you don’t want to live here baby then fine but give me a chance. I'll take you out today, show you how it could be” I shake my head. “Why not?” He pouts “I don’t really like going out. I'd rather spend the day just you and me if that’s okay?” I bite my bottom lip. “That sounds perfect.” He smiles  

[pixiescriptures]

Found Family

Chapter One

Do You Believe In Magic?

TW: mild panic attack, mentions of bullying, mentions of homophobia

Calling it different would be an understatement, Felix thought as he glanced around the airport. He sighed, taking note of a multitude of unimportant things - the number of steps that he estimated it would take him to get to his luggage that he could see perfectly or the number of people surrounding him ( at least a hundred, he counted ).

Felix marched over to his luggage, determined to shove his way through if he absolutely had to, but he didn't, so that was good, because even Felix knew he was too small do to any REAL damage. As he lifted his luggage he heard one of his favorite voices shouting.

"Felix Lix Lix Lix Lix!" Taemin's voice was loud, accompanied by the sound of his boyfriend's laughter. "Minnie hyung! Kai hyung!" Felix shouted back, a bright smile plastered on glossed lips. He immediately dropped his luggage as Taemin's strong arms wrapped tightly around him, Kai's wrapping around him a second later. "Mmppf!"

When the older two let him go, Felix rubbed at his eyes harshly, trying to hide the tears. "Hey hyungs," he said, choking up a bit, "did ya miss me?" He tilted his head, fluffy blue hair flopping to the side, his pale nose scrunching as he grinned.

"You know it, Lixie!" "You bet we did, brat!" Two kinds of people, Felix reminded himself.

It was a long trek to the pair's car, but Felix found he didn't mind it, not when he was with the only people who seemed to care about him anymore. And sure, he realized he still had Pix's fans, but his fans didn't know him, didn't know what he looked like, and thank God for that.

"-lix. Felix?" Felix jumped a bit when he ran into his cousin's back, sighing, sorry, hyungie, I'm just really nervous right now." Taemin sighed, wrapping his arms around Felix.

"I won't let it be like Australia," the older mumbled and Felix would have broken down right there if he hadn't seen a cute boy with squirrel-like cheeks running to a blonde muscled boy who looked just like...

"No way."

"What Lix?"

"Uh...nothing." He lied. He was shocked that Chris of all people had been there, at the airport, but he knew for sure he wasn't the one Chris was there for - not when he saw how big the smile was when Squirrel Boy, as Felix had now dubbed him, ran up and hugged him.

Felix walked towards the small black car that Taemin had brought as to not catch attention and slid in, opening his phone and scrolling through Soundcloud, finding that his three favorite artists had collaborated and he let out a loud squeal. "Hyung, hyung! 3Racha collaborated with I.N. and Sky! It's so, so...WORDS!"

The two older boys smiled, happy that Felix seemed to be okay. Not that they knew what went on inside of his mind. All the panic swimming in his eyes was hidden behind a wall of faked happiness.

By the time they had arrived to Taemin and Kai's home, Felix had fallen asleep, extremely jetlagged and just wanting to sleep in a comfortable place. Kai got out of the car and gently lifted the small boy up, carrying him to his new room before stepping down to the couch with Taemin, resting against him.

"Nini," whispered Taemin, "I will do everything in my power to protect him. I couldn't in Australia and look what happened. He almost died because of those fucks, Nini." Tears began streaming down Taemin's face, the two unaware of Felix sat on the top of the staircase, listening in.

He'd woken up almost as soon as Kai laid him down.

It was late and Felix was tired but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He stood up slowly so he wouldn't attract attention and went back to his room, unshed tears pooling in hazel eyes.

It was quiet and Felix hated it, hearing each step one of the boys took or each whisper they spoke. Not that he was trying to sleep, instead, he was currently unpacking his gaming items - the smaller ones that he could fit into two luggage bags. As he pulled out his keyboard, a small earring fell out of his bag and he knew what earring it was - even without looking.

He'd told himself he'd never wear it again. He told himself he hated that damn earring. That damn earring that Chris left before he abandoned Felix, alone, with homophobic bullies and a homophobic family. That damn earring that reminded Felix of the last words Chris had said to him. "I love you," rang in his ears as his breathing shifted from peaceful to chaotic.

His lips parted, as if he were going to speak, but as he tried to a loud sob ripped out of his throat and he shuddered, pressing his face against the scratchy carpet in an attempt to silence the loud, heartbreaking sobs that left his lips.

It didn't work, of course, and the two boys came running in. Taemin and Kai pulled Felix up off the ground, Taemin settling behind him so Felix could lean back. "C'mon bubs," Kai whispered, taking initiative since, out of him and his boyfriend, he was best with feelings.

"Breathe with me," he hummed, "inhale," he inhaled watching as Felix took a shaky breath, "exhale," he let out the breath, smiling as Felix did the same. "You're doing so good, bubs. So proud of you," Felix let out a shaky laugh.

"I miss Chris." He whispered. "I miss the way his eyes sparkled when he talked about a song he wrote, the way his laugh literally lit up my entire world. It was really hard, hyungs, when he left because...because he protected me for years. I could never stand up to them. And he was there. He was always there. And now...I dont even know if he's okay."

"And...And maybe that's what hurts the most. I want him to be happy but I don't know if he is," he let out a sob, "and its like...I thought he was the one, I really did. I thought I'd get this cute story like hyungs but apparently life just wants me to hurt and hurt and hurt."

After he was done talking, he sighed, burying his face in Taemin's chest. "I'll get a happy ending, right?"

----

< small Taemin pov >

----

What broke Taemin's heart wasn't the heartwrenching sobs that left his cousin's lips, or even the rant he went on after calming down ever so slightly. No, what broke Taemin's heart was the last words he said. "I'll get a happy ending, right?" It broke Taemin's heart because he couldn't say yes you will, he could only sit there and hold the trembling boy close as he whispered things like, "it'll be okay," and "you'll be okay," when he did not actually know that Felix would be okay.

First things first, you should know that Taemin doesn't believe in happy endings because no matter what, even if you've got someone you cherish and love, one of you dies first and the other lives on, miserable. Because even if you die happily, the people you loved are mourning you. And that isnt a happy ending.

So, no, Taemin couldn't tell Felix he'd get a happy ending because there is no such thing. He couldn't tell Felix that he'll live a happy life because he couldn't see the future. He wasn't sure of anything, and frankly, that terrified him.

His pleading eyes looked to his boyfriend who was sat up, picking up the things that Felix had left out. He was quiet, Taemin noted, and usually that meant Kai was thinking. Taemin briefly wondered if they knew anyone at school named Chris, but he realized he did not, so he was confident that Felix wouldn't see him there. That was good. That was a safe place.

During this thought process, Taemin realized that Felix's previously tense muscles had relaxed and his breathing had evened out, a sure sign that he was asleep. A smile replaced the frown that adorned his features as he picked Felix up, careful not to jostle him as he laid Felix in the King-sized bed they'd bought for him.

"I'm worried, Kai." The blonde whispered, tears pooling in his eyes. Kai pointed to the door, signaling that they should go somewhere else to talk, and Taemin agreed.

[linkispink1995]

Better as friends (23) the facade crashes

Previously

Series Masterlist

Chapter warnings:language,drunkenness and Alison

~~~~~~~~~

Steve's p.o.v

It had been a few weeks since Y/n and I's conversation and it also happened to be the last time Y/n and I spoke since whenever she'd drop Jackson off and pick hi up she'd be really quiet. I was starting to worry that it was maybe my fault , I knew that I shouldn't have asked her that but Alison being Alison continuously asked me that. Speaking of Alison she was now at the 5 month mark and by this time Y/n had a bump and an attitude and Jackson would move around and kick to the sound of voices but Alison so far had no bump unless she did and was just hiding it very well and never ever wanted to talk about the baby or her doctor's appointment. I felt like I was being so let in the dark with Y/n I'd roll my eyes and shrug the things off that she'd tell me and I definitely feel like this was payback. I couldn't belive it , I was scared I was missing thing or that some things just didn't add up , I was currently sitting at my cubicle at work stairing at the clock counting till I could go home. Alison wouldn't be home till late because it was her cousins bachelorette party and she'd be having to drive them since she couldn't be drinking anymore , except for her small glass of wine at night which I still wasn't sure to believe that or not. I had almost fallen asleep in my desk for the third time today when there was a phone call , I sighed before picking the phone up and answering "Hello this is Harrington-" I was cut off by a voice saying. "Yeah whatever listen we need to talk" it was my sister Polly , I sighed saying "I'm not talking to you" before I could hang up she added. "Are you dating Alison Martin" I sighed again saying "why" she responded saying "answer the question" I huffed saying "yeah I am why" Polly was silent before finally saying "do you remember when I was a junior and they put me in a dorm with a freshman" I rolled my eyes as she added. "Now do you remember how I said she was this rich and entitled mean girl who was always out partying and lied like a rug" I answered saying "yeah I remember you nagging about it" she responded saying "it was Alison". I rolled my eyes saying "Polly this is just sad okay stop calling" before she could respond I hung up the phone.

After the ridiculous phone call with Polly I came home to a dark and empty apartment I knew Alison was still out but usually she'd leave a light on. I entered the kitchen to grad a drink out of the fridge when I noticed a small take out box from some restaurant I didn't recognized maybe Alison went out to lunch but when I knew she had classes and a doctor's appointment. I shrugged that off before exiting the kitchen only to be stopped by a shopping bag in the trash and with closer examination I saw that a movie ticket stub was tucked in the bag. Again I brushed it aside thinking it was just paranoia that had been amplified by my phone call with Polly , after a shower and putting on warm close even though it was june the apartment was ice cold per Alison's request and I knew that when Y/n was pregnant that the word no wasn't one she liked . After settling on the couch I sat there before see there was a star wars marathon on tv , as the movie began to play I couldn't help but feel somewhat grateful that Alison wasn't home since I knew by now she'd turn the tv of and give me the speech about it rotting my brain or her speech about how nothing in star wars actually made sense. About half way through the empire strikes back I got up from my seat to open the cabinet above the fridge were I store (hid) away my junk food from Alison since shortly into are relationship she disposed all of mine and insisted from then on out she'd do the grocery shopping.

I awoke to the sound of the front door opening and practically slamming , I sat up to see the ending seen of return of the jedi was playing. I wiped some of the chip crumbs off of myself before hearing noise come from the kitchen , I entered to see Alison standing by the kitchen sink with a glass of water in hand. She was silent except for the small sounds of hiccups coming from her , I spoke saying "are you okay" she ignored me and instead began walking or should I say somewhat stumbling out of the kitchen before she finally spoke to me saying. "Goodnight" alchohol I smelt alcohol on her breath so strong I could almost taste it , I felt nauseous like my whole world had crashed down before I spoke saying "you lied to me" she turned before busting out into a strong laughter before she walked towards me with her finger placed on her mouth saying. "Shhhhh you can't tell Steve okay , it's a secret" she was so drunk she couldn't tell it was me I knew I had to confront her but I wanted to know what the secret was so I asked. "I won't tell him" she responded saying "I'm not pregnant" my heart fell as I began to feel nauseous before she added. "I don't know why I said it It just sorta fell out , but he believed it and I'm so screwed i have no clue what I'm gonna do". I felt my legs become uneasy at her confession as she continued "and I mean I just feel so bad you know he's a really nice guy he deserves someone who doesn't lie to him , he deserves someone who writes him these letters. You know he had someone like that , he had Y/n and you know what after all the stuff he's said to her Y/n still comes back just for that kid. Let me tell you something okay when I was his age my dad left and do you know when , he left on Christmas eve." My face fell in shock before saying "but Steve meet your dad" she chuckled again before saying "who Robert , Robert's my stepfather he's the only decent person in that family. My sister's a nightmare and I won't even get started on my mother , listen I'm tried I'm gonna to bed and don't tell Steve about are little talk." I ignored her words before as she entered the bedroom I didn't know what to do my instinct was to kick her out but I wasn't doing that to someone blackout drunk so instead I sat at the dinning room table to think until I knew I needed to talk to someone. It couldn't be Y/n because it was two thirty in the morning and God only knows what she'd be doing with Stewart. It couldn't be Robin since she left a few days ago to visit Helen up at school , Matt and Collen were definitely a no. I was blanking totally blanking until I knew the one person would wouldn't take my crap and would tell me how it is which is exactly what I needed right now.

I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital before walking in , I walked in before getting to the receptionist saying. "Hi I'm looking for Paige Walker" she nodded before I heard a voice say "Steve" I turned to see Paige in her scrubs before I said "can I talk to you". She huffed before saying "fine" after walking down a hallway to sit on a bench Paige spoke saying "whatever nonsense this is I will take Y/n's side cause you-" I cut her off saying "Alison is lying a being pregnant". Paige's face fell saying "oh Steve I'm sorry" I shrugged saying "whatever it's payback from how I've treated Y/n". She responded saying "you know you might've been a jerk and I'm just saying that word cause I'm at work right now but you never treated Y/n horribly when she was pregnant I mean you stayed there and-" I cut her off again saying "Paige did Y/n tell you I was there when Jackson was born". She nodded before I added "God she really is a good person I mean she must've told you the story she's told Jackson". Paige's face feel in shock before I added "I wasn't there when he was born , I wasn't there when my son took his first breath or opened his eyes for the first time , do you know how long it took for me to realize my son's eyes are brown". She frowned saying "oh my god she protected you from the group cause she knew we'd be mad" I nodded as she added "so why didn't you go to Y/n , why here". I sighed saying "didn't wanna bump into Stewart" she shrugged saying "why would you run into Stewart he's in Florida and they broke up you know that right" . I shook my head as she added "yeah it was mutual I guess" I frowned thinking that was what had Y/n so down these past couple week , why she was so quiet. I spoke again saying "thanks Paige" she nodded saying "sorry I didn't invite you to my wedding" I shook my head saying "don't be it's okay". Paige and sat there in silence before I added "and I really miss hanging out with you guys so-" this time I was cut of by Paige saying "make things right with Y/n and you can hang out with us" I nodded before saying "your right I know exactly what I have to do"

The following morning

It was the next morning and I was running on zero sleep except for that small nap I had during the movies last night. I was sitting at the dinning room table ready to talk to Alison like an adult , as soon as I got home from the hospital I took a seat exactly where I was and rehearsed exactly what I was going to say. My a millionth rehearsal was interrupted saying "don't worry I can hold my own hair up when I'm sick" I ignored her words as she entered the dinning room saying "what". I responded saying "you

Iied to me , to me the person who chooses your side over my own sons , the person who turned his back on his family for you the person who was actually excited to have a baby with you , but it isn't true. You lied to me Alison" she scoffed saying "I don't know what your talking about" I sighed saying "you know what drunk Alison just tells people how it is your not pregnant are you". She had a blank expression before she spoke saying "no I'm not I-" Alison stopped she completely blanked on words before I decided to ask another question. "Did you ever have a roommate named Polly Harrington" she silently added before I continued with my questions. "Did you steal the letter for Y/n , the letter meant for me , did you take it and did you read it". She silently nodded as I added "you know I didn't read it right" she scoffed saying "oh please you had that in your pocket and you don't want me to believe you didn't read it". I rolled my eyes before pulling a sheet of paper out of my pocket saying "you mean this" she nodded as I added "this is something I wrote for Y/n what did you think it was". She responded with "That's it Steve I can't take this anymore" I huffed saying "are you kidding me your upset .She rolled her eyes at my words saying "you Steve I'm upset with you" I huffed again saying "me what did I do , you faked a pregnancy and it doesn't just hurt me it hurts Jackson-" she cut me off saying. "That's it , it's all about the kid" I sighed saying "he's my son what do you want me to do". She then crossed her arms saying "choose" I shrugged in confusion as she added "it's either me or the kid , choose" I couldn't belive it , she sounded like I did when Y/n and I broke up and I then remembered what my mother said "sometimes we need to see someone make the same mistake to know that's what they were". That's when I knew the answer to Alison's question was "Jackson , Jackson Michael Harrington will come before anyone including myself and if you don't like it that's just to damn bad". Alison frowned saying "but I'm your girlfriend" I nodded as she added "and I love you" I nodded again saying "I know but-". She cut me off saying "no buts Steven I'm your-" it was my turn to cut her off saying "Steve my name is Steve not Steven okay" she huffed saying "I love you" I nodded before saying the words that were wanting to oze out of me , "and I love Y/n", her face then twisted into anger saying "excuse me" I nodded saying "I love Y/n" she then sighed saying "but-" I cut her off again saying. "Alison your a horrible person , you attacked Y/n several times , you turned me against my parents and my best friends but not only that you tried to get in between my son and I oh and am I forgetting something else yeah you pretended to be pregnant" before she could say anything else I added "we're done Alison".

Please don't plagiarize my work , stay safe and feedback is appreciated - thanks Meg

Taglist @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @queenofthehairharrington @charmed-asylum

[soft-foxxay]

Neglectful • foxxay

Lately, Cordelia had been putting more effort on her position as supreme than anything else, including her relationship with Misty. And lately, Misty had been feeling way too lonely that she started to think that Cordelia is neglecting their relationship on purpose. They barely have little night conversations that usually don't happen because Cordelia is often too tired.

That night wasn't much different, Cordelia was out to manage some stuff leaving Misty alone to deal with her loneliness. Misty was trying to get herself busy with some plants at the greenhouse before she started suffocating with her own overthinking. The tears  threatened her eyes and she felt her explosion approaching, so she let go of what she was doing and decided to go back inside and drown all the useless thoughts with sleep.

As she got in, she caught the sight of Zoe and Madison chattering in the hall, more like lowly arguing, with the fireplace dimly illuminating the white walls. She tried to make her steps unheard as she made her way upstairs, avoiding any kind of contact with the other witches.

She turned the light off as soon as she entered the room, letting the room drown into the darkness, as if she was afraid invisible creatures would see her tears if they fell. She buried herself beneath the covers and gave sleep a way into her, but sleep wasn't there to come.

This was even more torturing to her, to lay awake in bed, surrounded but the emptiness of the room and struggling with her demons that started to swallow her alive.

In that meantime, Cordelia shut the door behind her as she got into the big white mansion, her eyes scanning the place on hope to find Misty somewhere around, but instead all she could find was the two girls disagreeing with each other as usual.

"Where's Misty?" The supreme questioned, a serious tone of concern adoring her voice. Her voice made the two girls lift their heads up towards her.

"How am I supposed to know? My girlfriend or yours?" Madison hurried to answer, clearly showing her annoyance.

Cordelia let the sigh drift out of her lips at Madison's unhelpful answer, and decided to go look Misty by herself. Guilt was running in her veins and burning her up on the inside, she wished that she had spent more time with Misty, not only because she knew that Misty was probably upset now, but also because she missed her so much. She missed everything about her one true love.

She was met by the darkness of the room once she stepped in. Unlike every night, Misty wasn't waiting for her, which grew heartache in her at some point. She took off her shoes and every cloth that covered her body except her underwear and bra before she lied in bed with her arms wrapped around Misty's still waist.

"I don't wanna talk to ya." Misty uttered, which caused the other woman to let go of her much needed sleep and pour her attention on Misty.

"Why is that, love?" Cordelia let her voice fill the room as she planted a bunch of gentle kisses of Misty's bare shoulder.

"Ya know why." The swamp witch tried to suppress the tears within her eyes, but seemingly all her attempts fell off a cliff when her cheeks got damp with tears.

Cordelia did know, by rewinding everything that happened between them through the previous week she came to realize she was pretty neglectful, in a painful way. Her eyes were opened to the fact that she'd been treating Misty like any normal witch in her coven more than a girlfriend. And by that time she came to understand why Misty was upset, she had the right to be.

"I'm sorry I-" She tried to speak, but not even apologizing could wipe away the guilt she felt. How did she not realize before, how did she not see how hurt her lover was, because of her.

"Yeah sure." Misty immediately replied, cutting off Cordelia. The pain her voice added more onto Cordelia, crushing her heart into dust.

She pulled Misty even closer, nuzzling her head into her neck. She filled her senses with Misty's scent like a needed medicine. In one moment she felt like her tears were about to burst out of her eyes in a way she wouldn't resist, but she knew she had to stop herself.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Listen, I know I've been- a big great pain in the ass and I'm not saying I'm not the one to blame, I was wrong for being so damn neglectful. But hey, maybe we can make up now? I was already planning for something for us tonight but to find out that you've already went to bed ruined it, but we're good, okay?" The supreme spoke, in a gentle voice tone that was a little shaky, brushing away a hair lock that blocked the view of Misty's face.

"It doesn't matter, we make up tonight but as you wake, you're no different." Painfully, Misty replied, stabbing a thousand knives right into Cordelia's heart.

"At this point, you're wrong. I just don't want you ever think that all this neglect we've been going through is intended or anything, it's just a tough while we're going through and it will be washed away, from now." She gently whispered into Misty's ear ever so lowly as if she feared someone from outside the walls would hear. She pressed her lips softly on her lover's cheek in a soothing manner, tasting the slight taste of salt the tears left behind.

"We're good, aren't we?" In more like a worried voice Cordelia asked, her heart started beating with concern and her mind made images of what she feared most when she got nothing from Misty as a reply.

In that very moment, as if Misty could tell how concerned Cordelia was, she turned towards the supreme, face to face with her lover as she planned on exposing what was in her heart like an open book.

"I - I was just too scared you don't want me anymore, you don't want us. That thought got me losin' my shit. I - I don't wanna lose you, Delia." She bit on her inner cheek in hard attempts to gather the tears inside her eyes, to make her voice come out as strong as she desired, but before she could even tell, she broke down in tears and became a raging mess of sobs, like a fragile piece of glass shattering in between Cordelia's arms.

"Hell, no no no! This is not happening, erase this thought off your head!" Cordelia tightened her grip on Misty, as if she was trying to keep her together, to keep her from falling apart. She wiped as many tears as she could with the palm of her hand but Misty's tears couldn't seem to stop.

Cordelia tilted the swamp witch's head up a little so she could see the sparkles in her eyes with more of the clearance. Fireworks started lighting up her chest the moment she looked at Misty's eyes, realizing all over again how beautiful everything in her was, in the same time realizing how much of an asshole she was to not care much for such an angel.

She tangled their lower limps together in the form of a cuddle, and wrapped her arms tight around Misty's waist as if to keep her close forever. Only then, Misty's tears stopped flowing like a river out of her eyes, and there was finally an end limit to her sobs that seemed endless a moment ago.

"I want you to be with me forever, no force in the world could ever tear us apart, and that's the only thing I know for certain. I wanna spend every moment I have left with you because during this time I was distant I figured out how fucked I'd be if you ever wanted to let go of me." She smoothly said, more like a whisper, while running her fingers through Misty's wild mess of golden curls.

"You are more like the oxygen I breathe, maybe even more important, more like the light to my eyes. Your existence in my life is an actual necessity, quite simply. If I didn't have you I'd sure be lost, lacking love and maybe even life." She continued her business of brushing Misty's mess of a hair as she spoke.

"I - I love you, like so much." She heard Misty whisper back at her, her voice sounded faint and ever so fragile, lovely in all definitions. With this statement, she was finally feeling the peace of mind, knowing that everything will be just fine even before the sun of the morning shows itself.

"I love you, oh well I adore you. I need you, most of the time it just gets difficult to live knowing that you're not around. I want you, forever." As she spoke, she seemed to be drifting away in her own fantasies and wild imaginations.

Her index finger escaped her control and went under Misty's chin in order to tilt her head up enough for Cordelia to look at her straight in the eyes. Once Cordelia's eyes met Misty's she saw glimmers of hope and love adorning the ocean blue eyes, she saw an entire galaxy of stars roaming in her eyes, beautifully. A hint of a smile lit up the once sad face, giving it a whole different kind of perfect.

Every part of her disobeyed, every part of her ran away from her control, and this effect became significant on her when her lips hovered over Misty's, hesitant to make the move until an urge in her crashed her lips against the petal soft lips of Misty in a gentle kiss that worked absorbing all their discomfort, all troubles away, throwing all to the ocean as if it had never been.

The kiss grew more passionate, more heartfelt when they both needed such thing a long while ago to regain their vitality. Cordelia took Misty's lips in hers ever so  gladly, letting her silently know that she'd go to the ends of the Earth to get this kiss if she had to,and on the other hand, Misty kissed back quite soulfully to complete their passionate action.

Seconds after, their lips parted, still leaving a sweet effect on each other. Misty's head rested comfortably on Cordelia's chest, with Cordelia's arms already wrapping around her and running her fingers through her hair. They went back to the state of peace they wished to return to, and finally, the quietness after the storm was theirs to claim.

"I will be with till my last dying breath, and that's my promise."

[geminidarksidehasawoken]

Unbreak Me

Who do I run to?

@ao719 @blznbaby @iplaydrake @drakesensworld @dcbbw @hopefulmoonobject @furiousherringoperatortoad @ladyangel70 @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @sashatrr @candy72008 @angi15h

"Hana, Drake?" I called with disbelief evident in my voice. The shocked look on their faces told me everything I needed to know... They were lying to me and that hurt, it hurt because I trusted myself to be free, to be broken and vulnerable with them. They knew everything about me, they knew my fears my dreams. They knew me... But it was obvious I didn't know them...

All those little things I knew I saw but they denied it, the longing looks, the way Hana just glowed when Drake caught her eye. The way she laughed for him, they lied about that.

They kept this from me, why?

"How long?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"Riley, let me explain" Drake called hiding his naked form while he dressed clearly caught between Hana and I.

I hold up my hand, not wanting to hear it, not now. "You should have trusted me enough to share this with me" I say, hating that my voice was thick with emotion.

I look over at Hana, her eyes pleading with me, pleading with me to understand, but I couldn't, I couldn't get past the fact that they never trusted me. "We never meant to hurt you" she said, and I knew it was the truth, no one ever meant for these things to happen, but they still did.

Drake stood before me, and I could tell from the way he was looking at me that he really didn't mean for this to happen, that they never meant to hide this from me.

If I was honest, I wasn't angry that they were sleeping together, I was hurt that they found love and felt they had to hide it from me. Drake promised me no secrets, open and honest...

"Drake this is insane, you can't marry me for the sake of stability, for the sake of keeping Liam's child safe" I said as we walked up the steps to the courthouse second guessing the solution we had found.

"White, you will need someone, and I will be that someone, because I know that if the roles were reversed, Liam would ensure that the woman I loved was okay, this child is the heir to a kingdom it is my duty to keep them safe... Unless you changed your mind and want to tell Liam about the baby" he knew I could not there was too much at stake, his whole reputation would be damaged as they all would know the king had an affair while being engaged to another, the scandal would ruin him and our baby would be subject to such ridicule, I couldn't put them through that, but more than anything I was scared of the Queen taking my child... Her only thought to protect the Crown, I respected her for it and hated her in the same instance

"Just promise me, we'll always be honest with each other, no secrets" I say like a scared little girl.

Twisting off the ring, I laid it in his hands "You broke your promise" I whisper, walking away.

I drove for hours declining their calls, I couldn't cry, but that didn't stop the pain. After driving for hours in circles, it was time to pick up Leanna. I stopped for a moment needing to process, and I knew the affair didn't bother me it was the secret that did, I understood that he had needs that I couldn't satisfy. I gather my thoughts and headed for the palace.

***Liam***

Sabrina and Leanna got along great, Leanna always seeming to want to protect her. They sit at the poolside drinking juices while I read the paper. "...My mom and dad are pretty awesome... Daddy is goofy, mom is the stern one"

"My mom was like that too, she was all about my lessons and doing my best and being the an example for other children"

"I'm sorry, what happened to her" she asked and I could hear the genuine concern in Leanna voice.

"She died, in a car crash... along with Bastien, he was my best friend, he would play with me"

Leanna pulls her into an hug and my eyes mist with tears and I watch her give her something. "We'll be leaving in a few days, keep it to remember me, you can always find a friend in me"

"But it's so beautiful"

"Mom said my father gave it to her, it was a declaration of their love for each other. Mom gave it to me for inspiration and because I just loved it, and it has inspired me, so I'm giving this to you so that you know you always have a friend in me"

"Thank you... Come on, let's go swing" Sabrina says and the too rush off to play. This was her third visit to the palace, and I've watched them get closer, they were good for each other, and I wondered what arrangement could be made once they left for her to visit.

I liked that she pushed Sabrina to talk about her mother, talking about her made me sad, guilt gnawed at me and I can't help but wonder if I had been more focussed on her instead of always judging her to Riley if she would still be here, and then maybe I would have met my son.

A freak accident claimed her life because I was feeling torn and angry at her for forcing us to attend a ball when Sabrina was ill. We'd fought about it and in the end she had opted to visit on my behalf and I was left behind with Sabrina, she never made it to Fydelia, and the baby was just too young to survive, yet I mourned him too.

"Hey, where's Leanna?" Her voice calls and I look to see her standing in the doorway a pained expression on her face. Before I can ask the question she waves it away and answers.

"I'm fine, please let her know I am ready" she whispers and I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong.

"Riley, come here" I call and she comes and sits by me like a small child.

"I just want to go home" she whispers.

Her phone rings again and she ends it and turns it off.

"I'd love to go for a walk, would that interest you?" I ask her and she looks around and I know she needs to be strong, she's always been two strong.

"Alright" she responds and together we walk the grounds in silence until we get to the stable. She loved these majestic beasts, they calmed her as she softly petted and fed him.

"Riley, you can talk to me you" I whisper and she shakes her head.

"I can't trust you." She says and those words hit me, they get under my skin, they hurt. Knowing that she honestly didn't trust me.

I force away the feeling, and smile still.

"Why are you here, and don't tell me to pick up Leanna" I say and she walks out. "Why do you always run?" I demand as we stop to feed to ducks on the pond.

She turns her back to me, throwing food the ducks that the care taker gave us. "I'm sorry" she whispers and its under her breath I almost missed it. "It's been a hard few weeks, losing Bernard and Savannah was a blow, I don't think the reality has hit me yet" she says as we sit on a secluded bench beneath the apple tree.

"I'm truly sorry for your loss, I know that Bertrand cared for you deeply"

"Yes he's the only man in my life that was ever truly honest, he was like a father to me" she says and I pull her into my side and she comes willingly, but a tad bit awkward.

"Hey, I know he felt the same way, he barely spoke two words to me in public, after you" I clear my throat "he was a great man, I'm sure he would be honoured to hear you think of him this way."

I clasp her small hands in mine and kiss it, realizing she isn't wearing her ring. " Is everything okay with you and Drake"

"My marriage is over... I just don't know how to tell Leanna" she whispers and there is just a note of sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry" I hear myself say and I'm surprised to see it's the truth. "Do you want to... talk about it?"

"It won't change the out come... He won't let you go you know" and she pulls away from me and stands.

"Why not? You did" she answers, and I can feel her anger rising, the pain from all those years ago threatening to rise. Her words cutting through me, because I didn't let her go, I still haven't let her go.

We walk back to the palace in silence and Leanna hugs me and her mom together. "Could I spend the night, please mommy" she begs her eyes pleading with her to say yes.

"I need to talk to your father first, but I will let you know." She says and she's off again.

We walk to my office and we close the door behind us. "You can make your call from my phone, I have a few documents that need signing." I let her know handing her the cordless phone.

"Hey it's me... Drake not now... Leanna wants to spend the night... I...I don't know... No... You didn't need to be afraid, you should have trusted me!" Says harshly and ends the call letting out a pent up breath.

"Leanna has our permission to stay, but I need to run to the boutique and get her a few necessities" she says grabbing her bag to run out.

"It's okay, I can get that done for you, how about you join us for dinner?" I ask hopeful, while we weren't back to being friend it was amazing spending time with her.

"I'm not sure that's a go-"

"Please, and you can change in the guest room on our wing"

*Riley*

I felt torn, as I read the messages from Hana and Drake.

"White, I'm sorry I didn't trust you with Hana, but I was afraid of what that would mean for my relationship with Leanna"

White please pick up the phone we are worried.

Riley, I hope you can forgive me

Unable to deal with this now, I just send a message 'I will be spending the night at the palace with Leanna' and turn back off the phone.

Liam had a garment bag delivered with a simple black dress and personal items for our stay. I'm zipping up when I hear the knock on the door, and I open it to find Olivia. Just great! "May I come in?"

She asks as I open the door, I allow her in and she helps me up into my dress. "You look amazing"

"Thanks... Are you okay?"

"No I most certainly am not!" She says her eyes welling up with tears, and I'm shocked because the Olivia I knew was fearless never shed a tear. "I just found out I am pregnant, and I'm terrified of telling Maxwell" she whispers wiping her eyes... Ahh the hormones.

I'm shocked! Olivia is confiding in me, it's a welcome change from always at each others throat. But then her words sink in..."Wait you and Maxwell!" I say unable to hide the shock in my voice.

"Why did I come to you for advice?" She grumbles flopping down on the bed. I sit beside her and hold her hand.

"Admit it, Livy, you missed me"

"Shut up, and tell me what I should do? I am Duchess I cannot have a child out of wedlock and Maxwell is Maxwell, I have no clue how he will react! Do you see Maxwell as the responsible type?" She rambles on and on clearly distraught.

She stands and starts to pace. "Relax Liv, take a deep breath, this is Maxwell... He understands what this will mean, you just need to tell him and not threaten to kill him" she chuckles, and sits again laying her head on my shoulder.

"Tell him and go from there" I say and she composes herself.

"Why didn't you tell Liam?" She asks cleaning up her face. My heart hammers at her question, and there are no words.

"What do you mean?" I say playing dumb.

"Riley, I lived in this very palace with him as a child, the resemblance is uncanny" I open my mouth to respond but no words come out.

"I won't tell him, not because he doesn't deserve to know, but because I can't watch him hurt again"

I close my eyes. "Liv, " she waves away and continues

"It was me, I told him to move on, because our kingdom needed their king, he didn't let you go, I know that's why you never told him" she whispers softly and I can't dislodge the lump in my throat. I unconsciously shake my head not wanting to hear.

"This changes nothing" I say, feeling that all too familiar sting behind my eyes.

"I... I... Want you to know it wasn't him."

"I can't do this right now"

"He'd gotten thin, he couldn't focus, he was hurting, hurting too much, blaming himself and missing you. People began to speculate, so I told him, it was two late for you two and he should move on" she says and I watch the tears roll down her face.

"Liv, I was broken long before he moved on... A piece of me died the day he married her" I say, shushing her so she knew this wasn't about her. "Fuck! Love has the power to destroy you... What if Maxwell decides he doesn't want- oh gosh" I pull her into me and I let her cry, knowing this wasn't Olivia but the hormones working on over drive. After a moment of sobbing she pulls herself together and cleans her face.

"If you tell anyone about what happened here, I will destroy -"

"Liv! You were always safe with me, "I say shaking her before she could continue with her threat to end my life.

"Sorry! I think since my parents died, this is the hardest I've ever cried" she says trying to explain and make sense of the pain and fear she is feeling.

"I know"

She stands and straightens herself, fixing her lipstick. "I did miss you" she says and slips out the door.

Fluffing out my hair I applied a little gloss to my lips and headed down the stairs. Liam and the girls were seated at the table in a very riveting discussion as no-one heard my entrance. "...my dad will need to start courting ladies again by the end of the season as a king can't rule for so long unmarried" Sabrina tells her, with a sad smile on her lips.

"But that makes no sense, isn't he king, what if he isn't ready?"

Sabrina laughs "Father has to put the kingdom first, there are too many people relying on him." She says

"Ladies, my plight isn't one you two need to worry about, " and he stands seeing me as I walk into the room, just a little too nervous. His eyes roving the length of my body.

"You look amazing " he says his voice deep and husky making me feel a rumble in my tummy.

Dinner was a lively affair with the girls, there was such a vast difference in the way they grew up. Where Leanna was outspoken and caring, Sabrina was shy yet kind. They chatted none stop, always including us, asking us about the days gone by. After dessert the nanny came and escorted the girls to their chamber for bedtime while we stayed enjoying wine. We walk out onto the balcony with the remainder of wine and glasses. "I hope not to offend but you look absolutely stunning" he says and he's too close, his hands touching my hands. I pour myself another glass of wine and sip, and we talk about our children, and its so easy to talk to him. We catch up on the nobles I had rubbed elbows with during the social season and the engagement tour.

We spent the time on the balcony, just relaxing in silence and he pulls me into him. "Liam, there is something I need to tell you" I whisper my heart thundering in my chest. Knowing that he should know the truth. "And I will tell you once I speak with Drake" I say knowing after all we have been through together he deserved to be there so he could tell his side of the story so he would understand why we did what we did.

He brushes a finger across my cheek and it causes goosebumps to flood me, he always did this to me, without intent he sets my soul on fire... Still. He pulls me up, "let me get you inside before I lose all sense of reason and restraint" he whispers his voice deep and filled with need.

He pulls me to my feet and I'm not sure if it's the wine, but I tumble into him, and it feels... It feels divine, his strong arms holding me keeping me from falling, I'm pressed too tight against him its hard to breathe. He lifts my chin and I look into his eyes moved by the pain and longing I saw there. He let's out a strangled cry and sweeps me into his arms, never taking his eyes off me. I'm scared because I know tonight if he kisses me I won't stop him. He stands me in my room, and unzips my dress, then ruffles the bed and lays me beneath the covers like a child. My eyes are drifting close as he whispers "I've never stopped loving you, and you are wrong, I never let you go... I can't" a soft kiss touches my forehead and I float into nothingness.

I

[riyuu-bsd]

Caring and Forgiveness; that's what Tragedy was made of [Atsushi Nakajima x Yandere!Reader]

[lack of caps is intentional]

caring and forgiveness; that's what love is made of. it made such little sense to her until that day at the cliffside.

.

glaring the beast in the eye, the quarter masked killer stepped forward, pistol aimed perfectly in line with the slit irises of the beast before her.

"i will eradicate you," the voice seethed, softer than the male had anticipated. she shot at the eye, cold, hard lead piercing straight through. she was about to shoot again, before the tiger morphed and contorted, a boy around her age left looking bruised and beaten, eye bleeding heavily. she looked into his other eye, kneeling down. she whispered, roughly grabbing his hair and making him look at her,

"could you love someone disfigured and betrayed by someone they cared about?" she cooed, eye not covered by the porcelain mask a gorgeous hue of (e/c). atsushi stuttered before he managed to croak an answer, tears streaming down his face in pain,

"y-yes.."

she appeared taken aback, her shown eye holding perplexion.

it soon dissipated into surprise as she pressed a gun to the back of his head.

"could you forgive someone who shot you?" she whispered, holding his head up by his hin rather than his hair,

"i.. i suppose.." he said, the pain lessening, "but.. it depends why.."

she stepped back, the mask covering her left eye fell, showing scarred, tattered skin.

"caring and forgiveness.. that's what love is made of.."

the boy remained still, seeing as she no longer posed a threat.

"why are you killing people like this..?"

"i once felt something, and i called it love," she whispered, "but it never was to be; he gave me this," she put her hand over the scar.

"i want to feel love."

atsushi got up, slowly, holding out his hand. she looked at him, mouth agape in disbelief.

throwing her arms around him, she pulled him flush against him,

"is there any chance.. that you could love me?"

he gulped, returning the hug stiffly.

"i don't know you.. but i do know that you need support," he said with a soft smile, pulling away and looking her in the eye,

"i can be that support."

she looked up at him, disbelief engraved into her features.

they broke into a smile, stiff and awkward. but it was the first time he saw a smile to genuine.

"thank you," she whispered, resting her face in his shoulder, "how could i ever repay you? i'm so sorry for shooting you.."

"it's okay, i'll be able to fix it up," he smiled, blood still dripping down his jaw, "but could you.. come with me?"

"of course."

.

walking alongside him, (y/n) felt her stomach flutter,

"so, what's your name," she said awkwardly, twiddling her fingers,

"ah, i'm atsushi, and yo-"

"that's a nice name.." she mumbled to herself, looking at him with dreamy eyes, "could we.. hold hands?"

he hesitated, before giving in to the pleading look and holding her small, (surprisingly rough) hand.

she smiled once more, feeling her heart flutter at the contact with him.

as far as she was concerned, they were in love.

madly.

however, it was unrequited.

something that wouldn't sit will with her.

so he concealed it.

he didn't tell her how he felt; somewhat awkward and disturbed.

she had went from killing him to clinging to him.

she let out a sudden gasp.

"you're with the armed detective agency, atsushi?"

"y-yeah.." he stuttered,

"you wouldn't.. hand me in.. would you..?" she whispered, looking up at him with a pleading gaze.

before he could answer, her head whipped around to observe a headline nearby.

it hit her like a bus.

the agency had been targeted by the port mafia.

atsushi had been targeted by the port mafia.

her face twisted as she ripped her hand from his.

"you won't have to worry about mafia scum anymore, atsushi."

.

.

sneaking past sub-par defence soldiers, she had found her way to a room with a dark figure brooding in the furthest corner.

"did you hurt him?"

her voice was low, threatening. she held a pistol firmly to his head.

"who?" akutagawa said, activating his ability to push her away.

bang.

"too easy, for a 'strong' member of the mafia."

.

she strolled further through dim, dark halls, eying the various plaques shown. she smiled to herself.

she could cut down mafia members to keep atsushi safe.

to say she's sorry.

to win his heart.

to thank him.

to protect him.

.

.

.

"atsushi-kunnnn~!" she chirped, running up to her silver haired friend, "do you like the new mask i got?" she smiled, exchanging the quater mask she usually wore for one covering everywhere except her scar.

"it's awesome, do you feel more comfortable with your scar, then?" atsushi smiled, still unsure how to address her,

"yeah," she smiled, his opinion the only reason for any confidence.

"so.. what's your name? you never got round to telling me," he sighed,

"ah! my name is (y/n), sorry about that!" she chuckled, holding his hand in hers.

"is there anyone who, at any point, has hurt you?" she whispered, tracing patterns onto the back of his hand. he shivered slightly at the delicate touch, before recollecting himself.

"n-no," he lied, flushing red as she pulled him into another hug.

"good," she smiled, before pulling away, "i'll see you later, atsushi-kun~!"

he was left bewildered by her once more, but not afraid of what she would do. he smiled to himself slightly, before dazai's bandaged hand landed firmly on his shoulder.

"that's the huntress, isn't it?" he sighed.

atsushi remained quiet, before his smile fell and he gave a small nod.

"she wanted to feel love."

"she thought you could help?" his mentor said, somewhat cheery.

he gave another stiff nod, looking down at the still, concrete floor.

his superior then skipped off, possibly to make another attempt at his own life, humming to himself.

conflict of emotions swirled in atsushi's head, clouding his mind with confusion and his eyes with tears.

he would have to hand her in; she was a murderer.

but she never meant to; he had most likely killed in his tiger form, she only did it from emotional pain.

.

"(y/n)-chan?" he called meekly, sat at the cliffside they met at,

"atsushi-kun!" she grinned, hugging into his side quickly.

"can we talk for a while?"

"sure."

the two talked for hours, never running dry of conversation topics. from experiences to dreams, aspirations to admirations, idols to the people they hated most. it covered most things, other than the scar over her eye.

"if you don't mind.. what happened with your eye?" he asked, eyes full of sympathy and sadness,

"i had.. someone i called a lover," she began, voice barely above a whisper, "he didn't care about me, or forgive mistakes. one day.."

tears welled in her eyes, stinging the one on her left side.

"he set the house on fire.. i lost everything, and burned my face.." she said, the tears slowly rolling down her mismatched face, "he called me hideous, asked if i wanted more scars to cover up how ugly i was."

atsushi pulled her into a hug,

"i'm so sorry, (y/n).." he whispered, rubbing soothing circles on her back. that made what he set out to do worse.

"it's fine, really," she said, wiping her face, "you cared and forgave me.. i know how it feels to really love someone.. i have to thank you, atsushi, i just have to.

he froze, holding her own pistol just behind the back of her head.

"i'd like to thank you, because i know now that caring and forgiveness aren't always the makings of love."

she grabbed the gun, pressing it against the side of her head.

"caring and forgiveness; that's what tragedy is made of."

she pulled the trigger for him, her body falling limp qgainst his chest. tears welled up in his eyes as he began to quake, cradelling her slightly as he sobbed.

"she just wanted to feel love.."

[newbeginningsworld]

Alive

For the longest time I've been unhappy with who I am.. just unhappy in general.

For the longest time, I've lived with this thing that's always been hard to explain..

My depression.

My anxiety.

The feeling of worthlessness.

I remember when it began.

It started when my father left when I was only 3 years old. He was in and out of my life until I was 10. It was then, at ten years old, when I decided he needed to stay out of my life for good.

He left me to grow up wondering if I actually really mattered.

He left me to grow up never being able to trust a man to stay. Never able to trust that anyone would stay.

He left me to believe that at the end of the day everyone would end up leaving me..just like he did.

As just a young child, I went through years of therapy, but it never really helped.

Talking to a stranger about what was going on in my ten year old mind did not help one bit.

The depression.

It only worsened during my sophomore year of high school.

I was lost.

My grades were slipping. I couldn't be on my lacrosse team anymore because of the results in my classes. My friends were going their own way, figuring out where they belong.

I, on the other hand, was alone.

I was alone with just my thoughts. The voices in my head were telling me I was unimportant; worthless. That I had nobody by my side. That I would continue to fail.

I was at war with my own mind.

I abused myself.

I neglected myself.

For years, I would look in the mirror and see nothing and felt nothing but hate.

I began to believe I had no purpose.

I had given up on life.

There was no point anymore.

I remember the exact moment when I completely gave up.

I was sitting in the corner of a running shower, tears flooding down my face, a razor blade in my hand.

That was the moment I attempted to take my own life.

I remember piercing my own skin, watching the blood run down my arm.

Instead of feeling pain, I felt relief.

All the pain. All of the sadness. All of the loneliness. All of the fear of failure. It was all about to end.

I would finally be set free from the prison cell of a body that I was trapped in.

But it wasn't enough.

I failed to take my own life.

And deep down, I was grateful that I didn't.

My physical wounds would heal, but leave scars as a reminder.

I remember the look on my mom's face when I told her what I had done.

The expressions of shock. The expressions of sadness and disappointment.

I had made her believe that this was her fault.

It wasn't.

It was the voices in my head. My depression.

I started going back to therapy.

Again, it didn't help.

Even though it was always going to be lurking behind me, I learned to keep it at bay.

And that was going to have to be okay for now.

Two years later, I graduated high school.

I persevered and overcame all of the obstacles and challenges.

Graduating means I survived.

The next two and a half years, I took time off.

Applying for job after job, just to get by.

I was trying to find myself, find my purpose in life.

But I still felt so lost. With no meaning.

Some days were better than others. Some days were worse.

Most days I lived in a state of pure agony and fear. My bad days usually involved me locked in my room completely numb to everything. Other times it involved voices, which sometimes became aggressive. At times, it made me believe things that aren't real. That don't exist. It made me feel things that aren't real, including physical pain. It made me relive the worst moments over and over and over again with no escape. At times it was terrifying and draining.

But I hid it. I shoved my feelings aside. As I always did out of the fear of judgment and being misunderstood.

I had come to terms that this was just apart of me and there was no fixing it.

Along the way, I found someone.

Someone who made me feel happiness. The happiness I couldn't yet give myself. Someone who put my mind at ease. Someone who was not only my love, but my best friend. Someone who taught me how to smile again. How to laugh. That I could be who I was and he would still love me. He made me feel okay, even when certain things weren't okay. In the beginning, he showed me the most beautiful love.

I thought I had found the one. My soulmate. The person who I could see a future with. The person who I could build a life with.

Then suddenly we were a world apart. But I promised I'd always wait for him and he promised to do the same.

Two months later, everything changed. Things were different between us. He had become cold, angry, and distant. At times, even ignoring me, pushing me away, and forgetting plans we made. I just wasn't a priority in his life anymore. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. Worried anything would set off his anger. I spent months lying awake at night, doubting myself. Wondering where I went wrong, if I was good enough, what I could do better. Trying to change who I was to better fit his liking.

Throughout all of it..I lost myself.

I have no idea who that girl was. I was so consumed in my relationship and trying to make it work, I couldn't recognize myself. If I would have listened to my friends and let go, maybe things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn't have lost friends. Maybe I wouldn't have lost myself. Maybe I wouldn't have been living through my boyfriend.

But I continued to fight for my relationship..to try to make it better than it was. Even though deep down, I knew it would never change.

He continued to push me away. He closed himself up. He would even cut off in the middle of a conversation and just disappear. He had given up on trying to fix things. He had given up on us.

I felt alone in this relationship.

It was then I had come to realize that all the words that were said were just words. All of the promises made were all lies. I found out I was not the only girl in his life, or at least he didn't want me to be. For months, he would have moments of extreme jealousy. He would see guys complimenting me and accuse me of liking it more than I should. He would accuse me of cheating and make me feel belittled.

When in reality he was the one who was cheating.

The plans of our future, the words of love, they all came crashing down. They were all replaced with the feeling of pain, betrayal, anger, and sadness. It hurt like hell. This feeling of pain and betrayal sits in the very core of my being. Its like a rotting corpse of our future together that was brutally murdered by his actions. Its foul. It's a stench I have no words for. I can not recognize the person I once had so much love for. Who I poured my heart out to and would have given everything to. He was a stranger.

I had let him in. He broke down all of the walls I had built to protect myself. I let him see all the parts of me, even the dark parts of me. I trusted him with my heart, just for him to walk all over it and treat like everything we had been through was..nothing.

I am the one who is going to have to live with this. Knowing the one person I trusted completely and fully not only betrayed me, but forever destroyed the trust I will place in others. How am I ever supposed to believe in anyone again? I won't be able to. Not fully.

I finally gathered up the courage to end it. To leave this one sided relationship. This toxic relationship. I realize now that at the end I was only holding on to this relationship because I was afraid of being alone. But sometimes being alone is exactly what you need.

So that you can finally see everything clearly.

I had been blinded by love, that I didn't see it for what it truly was. I know now that I'm better off. That I deserve better.

Even though I lost my relationship and a best friend,

I gained something so much better.

Me.

My entire life, I have been trying to fill this void, but nothing ever seemed to stick.

There was always something missing.

I know now,

That missing piece I had always been looking for

was Me.

I needed to find myself again.

To learn to love myself.

I had gone down a self destructive path.

I had not only lost myself, but I lost faith.

But now, I'm ready.

I'm ready to dedicate my life to something better.

I am ready find my faith again. I am ready to surrender all of my fears and worries. I am ready to go down the path that has always been meant for me.

I am finally going down a path where I can see light instead of darkness.

I'm finally on a path to getting better.

I'm finally on a path to learning to love myself.

I'm learning to not let my depression, my thoughts and my feelings consume me.

I am learning to forgive and let go of all that pain and toxicity.

I am learning to finally be in control of my own body and my own mind.

I am learning its also okay to feel emotions. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to not be okay. I know now that I am stronger than the struggles I face. I know I am strong enough to get through anything. There is a reason for everything. My struggles made me stronger and made me the person I am today.

I am learning that things will not always turn out how you planned. And it's okay if they don't.

It's okay if I lose people; if I lose friends. Sometimes it's for the best. I am learning to let go of the toxic people and I know now that I deserve better. I deserve to be made a priority; to be put first for once.

It's okay not to get the perfect score on every exam. Nobody is perfect.

I am learning not to compare myself to others. I was made the way I am for a reason. I am me and that is enough.

I am learning I do not have wear make up everyday. I do not have to play a part. I am beautiful the way I am.

I am learning that we only have one life and I am no longer going to take that for granted.

You only live once, so I'm going to eat that piece of pizza. Or the entire pizza. I earned that pizza.

I'm going to sing my favorite song at the top of my lungs, as if nobody is listening, even if they are.

I'm going to see more movies, even it's by myself.

I'm to make my dreams a reality. I'm going to study hard, graduate and become a Vet Tech.

I'm going travel.

Go on more walks and enjoy the world around me; because sometimes it can actually be beautiful.

Love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally.

I am going to actually live.

I am learning that I DO deserve to be happy. For me and nobody else. I am learning that I AM important. I am ENOUGH. I do MATTER. My happiness matters. My mental health matters.

Life is too short to be anything, BUT happy. Smile & take a deep breathe because everything we are facing is temporary.

After everything, I have finally found my purpose in life. I am finally moving forward.

I can finally see a future that I am in.

The weight on my chest.

It is lifted and I can finally breathe easy.

I overcame

I conquered

I survived.

I am ALIVE and I finally want to be!

[lankylevi]

Heard you were taking drablle request so I'm gonna try to get one^^ I'd like a college Au where eren is super popular and levi a regular student. Then eren ask levi to go on a date with him, levi ask why and eren have to find proper reason for him to accept. I think some nsfw will be good at the end but that's up to you, if you put some I'd like to see eren on top. That's all hope I'm not demanding too much ^^

I didn’t include anything nsfw so I hope you don’t mind but otherwise it would have been around 3k words lol so 1.5k will do for now ;)

Wrote this while listening to Kodaline - one day (thanks @hey-heichou-suz for recommending this :D)

“Stop joking around Jaeger” Levi snapped at the famous football player to which the latter grabbed him by the shoulders.

“I’m not joking around, I’m serious Levi” he pleaded, trying to sound as convincing as he could. His hands and voice were shaking as if he were an old man, and the fact that the whole school was glaring at them surely didn’t help his cause.

“Yeah right” the raven laughed as he got free from Eren’s grip and turned around to walk into the opposite direction.

“What the hell is his problem” Levi wondered as he walked away from the brunet, who seemed to be nailed to the ground.

Levi would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a bit disappointed that Eren didn’t go after him, but it only proved his point; the guy wasn’t being serious about this, and it was probably some stupid bet for him to ask Levi out.

He turned around the corner and saw his friend Hange being the chaotic mess that they are, struggling to hold up their books while they rummaged through some papers.

“Need some help shitty glasses?” he mocked as he stood in front of them.

“No.. ish towtafy fine” to which Levi rolled his eyes and took the papers out of their mouth and turned up his nose at the sight of the string of saliva that lingered from Hange’s mouth.

“Fucking disgusting” he muttered as he placed the papers onto the books they were holding.

“Well thank you Levi,” they said as the pair continued walking towards the cafeteria.

They bumped their elbow into Levi’s side as they waited in line to get their food.

“What was that for?” he asked as looked at them in confusion.

“Come on Levi-” they sang, throwing their hands up in the air as if they were making a prayer. “You gonna tell me what happened or not?” they suddenly said in a soft voice.

Levi’s eyes widened, Hange never spoke in such a soft tone unless they were serious about something and it honestly scared the shit out of him.

“Fine,” he sighed, knowing it wouldn’t benefit him in any way if he lied to them. “Jaeger asked me out today…” he trailed off, suddenly trying to look interested in what was on the menu today as they were about to place their order.

“What?!” Hange yelled to which Levi shushed them. He pointed at the people a couple metres away from him and gestured that Hange should keep their voice down so Eren’s friends wouldn’t hear them.

“Ow ow okay, we’ll talk later” they whispered.

——

“So you understand it now?” Levi said annoyed, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair as he waited for Hange to answer.

“I mean, yeah I understand where you’re coming from but-” “But what?!” he cut them off and slammed his fists on the table.

“But he’s uhm, he’s standing by the doorframe…” they trailed off as they stood up and walked past the brunet, who was in fact standing by the doorframe and waiting for Levi to notice him.

So Levi turned his head around to make another comment, but his breath hitched in his throat as soon as he saw Eren standing in front of him with a soft smile on his face.

He could feel his own heart beating in his chest and had difficulty breathing accompanied by his pen falling down on the floor because of his sweaty hands.

“God dammit” he murmured and reached down to pick up his pen but stopped when he saw the brunet kneeling down and it picking it up for him.

“Are we in some kind of stupid movie Jaeger?” he snapped as he grabbed the pen from Eren and looked at him with his piercing grey eyes.

“If that makes you go out with me, then sure” Eren laughed and Levi had difficulty of keeping a straight face as well.

“Do I see a small smile Levi?” the brunet commented as he took a few steps closer and lowered himself to Levi’s height to take a closer look to the very rare event of Levi smiling.

“Hell no and don’t you dare take another step Jaeger, you’re close enough as it is” he said annoyed. “Plus, you stink from practice” he said as he waved his hand in front of his face and giving him a disapproving look.

The brunet took a sniff from his shirt followed by a low laugh that sent a shiver down Levi’s spine and made a blush popping up on his cheeks.

“Okay maybe you’re right about that” he laughed as he ran a hand through his chocolate brown locks.

“But you’re not right about me not taking this-” he faltered while he repeatedly pointed at Levi and himself, “seriously” he exhaled.

Levi chuckled to that and stood up from his chair while not losing eye-contact with the brunet.

“Get your ass out of here Jaeger, I thought I was clear about not having time for your jokes” he said as he took a few steps into Eren’s direction, forcing him to take a few steps back and basically making his way out of the raven’s room again.

“No, you’re wrong!” he yelled as he felt Levi pushing him out the room.

“God dammit even your shirt is wet” Levi said disgusted with the feeling of sweat resting on his hands.

The raven noticed people’s laughter echoing through the hallway, and figured that the brunet’s friends were probably waiting for him to complete his bet.

He pushed Eren out of his room and wiped his hands of onto his pants as he tried to come up with a comment that would make sure he didn’t try to come back again.

As he did so, he noticed that the latter was staring at the floor beneath them and had a troubled look on his face.

Eren raised his head again and turned it to his left to face the people who were still laughing to this second.

“Get the fuck out of here you disgusting pieces of shit!” he screamed as he stormed into their direction.

Levi heard fists meeting faces and grunts of pain, followed by a door being slammed shut and footsteps making their way down to his room again.

The raven popped his head from behind the doorframe and looked at Eren walking back into his direction.

Both were shaking their heads as the distance between them got smaller, and both sighed when they stood in front of each other.

“Look-” they said simultaneously followed by quirking an eyebrow at each other.

The raven gestured that Eren could speak first and waited for him to open his mouth again.

“What do I need to do for you to take me seriously Levi?” he whispered, suddenly showing his vulnerability which made Levi’s heart ache.

“I-” the raven trailed off, not knowing the answer to his question, and feeling ashamed of that.

He could feel a faint blush popping up on his cheeks again and tried to hide it in his collar as he avoided the brunet’s gaze.

“I’m sorry,” Eren paused, clenching his fists and focusing those bright green eyes on Levi’s pursed lips.

“Sorry for wh-” Levi wanted to ask, but couldn’t finish his sentence since he felt warm and soft lips being pressed against his own.

He felt a strong hand cupping his cheek while the other played with his hair as they deepened their kiss.

Levi felt ashamed and excited at the same time, loving the feeling of their tongues connecting and soft moans filling up the empty hallway, but also feeling ashamed that he was kissing the brunet while he remembered what an ass he had been to him before.

So he broke up their kiss and pushed Eren a step back as he tried to even out his breathing and compose himself again.

“I don’t kn-”

“I can appreciate that you don’t know how you should react to this, but I hope you finally understand that I’m serious about asking you out” the brunet finished his sentence for him as he closed the distance between them once more and placed a soft peck on the raven’s lips.

“Uh… yeah I, I understand I guess” he muttered.

“Okay good, I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow” Eren winked followed by him turning around and leaving Levi’s room.

The raven sat himself down again and let out a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

“This guy has some balls” he laughed but accepted the fact that they were going on a date tomorrow and decided to text Hange about it.

He sent the message and his phone screen lighted up not even 5 seconds after he had hit ‘send’

“Don’t forget to buy condoms ;) ;) ;)”

[askbensolo]

Have ur parents ever gotten really mad at u and totally lost it? This is random, but I'd like 2 know.

It was almost a year ago, right after Uncle Luke came to visit us.

While Luke was here, Mom forbade me from saying anything about Darth Vader or the Empire, because she didn’t want me to embarrass our family. I complied, if a little begrudgingly.

But I got sick of having to bite my tongue all the time. I thought it was unfair of my mom to shut me down every time I began to approach controversy. Once Luke left, I almost just wanted to disagree for the sake of disagreeing.

…It all culminated in me telling my mother I was glad Alderaan was destroyed.

In my defense, it wasn’t a premeditated act. I’m certainly not glad Alderaan was destroyed. And I was certainly never planning to say what I did. 

…Well, okay, maybe I had been thinking about it. Fantasizing about it, a little, whenever I was angry with her. Whenever she put me over the edge, I would just sit and sulk and imagine the cruel pleasure I would feel, telling her to her face that I was glad her planet had exploded. Not because I was actually glad, but because I wanted to hurt her. And I knew that something like that would hurt her more than anything else.

(“Tell me…is it wrong that I feel good when I imagine hurting her?”

“Of course not, dear boy… It’s only a fantasy. What stays inside your own mind cannot hurt anyone.”)

Luke’s visit had left me feeling sullen and moody. In addition to Mom shooting me dirty looks whenever she thought I might say something controversial, Luke’s cheeriness had begun to get on my nerves.

I know, I know, Luke’s a great guy. But he...just…wouldn’t shut up about Jedi life. It was always “my students” this, and “my students” that. “I’m so proud of them” for this, “I’m so proud of them” for that.

(”He loves his students more than he loves you.”)

Now, my opinion of Luke has since improved. But then, I couldn’t be around him without acting all guarded and defensive. “Fix your attitude,” Mom would hiss in my ear. “Your uncle doesn’t get to come around often.”

(”She doesn’t care how unhappy you are. She can’t even see how unhappy you are.”)

So I was glad when it finally came time for him to go. But all my bitterness stayed inside me. You see, it was the night after Luke left that it happened. Because now that he was gone, and I didn’t have to worry about keeping up appearances for him, my self-control was quickly approaching depletion.

“You know, it’s funny how some people never change,” Dad said, spooning some more greens onto his plate. “Luke’s just the same starry-eyed kid he ever was. Hard to believe it’s been so many years.”

Mom laughed and gave him a mirthful look. “Luke said the very same thing about you. ‘Han still swaggers around like he’s twenty-nine and single, doesn’t he?’ That’s what he said.”

“Nooo,” Dad interjected, feigning surprise, but actually sounding quite pleased. He leaned toward my mother with an intentional smirk. “Do you think I’m as dashing as I was when I was twenty-nine and single?”

“Well, it doesn’t matter what I think, because the fact is you’re forty-nine and married,” Mom sniffed, and pecked him on the cheek.

“Would you guys stop being gross? I’m trying to eat,” I muttered in the general direction of my plate.

“Nice to meet you, Trying-to-Eat—”

“Han.”

“Fine, I rescind my attempt at humor.” He shoved the last of his food in his mouth and got up to put his dishes in the sink.

Mom sighed, following him with her eyes, then turning to me. “Ben…what is it that’s bothering you? I feel like I haven’t been able to have a normal conversation with you for days.”

I shrugged.

“Is it something I did?”

I didn’t answer.

“...Ben, honey, we’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t talk to me,” she said quietly. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine, but you have to at least communicate—”

“Can I put my posters and stuff back up now?” I blurted, more to shut her up than anything else. She had made me take down my Empire posters and models because Luke had been sharing my room.

I found myself looking right at her. I averted my eyes and hunched my shoulders.

She was silent for a moment, apparently undergoing some kind of realization. “Is that what this is all about?” she asked, somewhat incredulously.

“No…I’m just asking,” I said tersely. “So can I?”

She paused again, wetting her lips.

“If you have to,” she answered, her tone hardening. “But you know your mommy would rather you didn’t.”

I bristled. “You’re not my mommy, Mom. I’m not five.”

“Well, sometimes you act that way,” she remarked, almost as an aside. But it wasn’t, because clearly I was meant to hear it.

I let my fork fall to the plate with a clatter. My head was beginning to swim. “Why? Just because I have different opinions than you?”

“It’s the way you handle those ‘different opinions’ of yours,” she said stiffly. “You act as if you had a complete understanding of the way things were.”

“So you’re saying I don’t.”

“You’ve only read about the past, Ben,” she said quietly. “I’ve lived it.”

“That means you only have one perspective,” I shot back, feeling hotter and hotter with every passing second. “I have the cumulative perspective of hundreds of people through thousands of accounts.”

“Hey…let’s call a time-out,” Dad said cautiously from across the room, drawing Mom’s attention and my vitriolic gaze. Mom nodded, reaching for her plate and standing up.

“Your father’s right,” she said. “This isn’t accomplishing anything. Listen, sweetie…I’m not going to tell you what to do with those posters, but I’d just like you to consider that you never had my permission to obtain them in the first place, and I would be extremely grateful if you didn’t put them back up. Just think of it as a favor to your mother.”

My heart seemed to be racing out of control. Everything was a blur. I couldn’t feel anything except for that immense feeling inside of me, and in an instant it overran my reasoning and took me over. I grabbed my plate and flung it to the floor, relishing in the resulting crash and the stunned reaction I got from my parents.

“Stop trying to control me!” I shouted. “Why do I have to change myself to make you happy?! Can’t you just let me live?!”

Mom set her jaw.

“Your room, Ben,” she commanded. “Now.”

But the storm that surrounded me refused to obey. And then all the energy circulating inside me tunneled deep into that secret, burning desire to inflict harm. Faintly, I knew I had to suppress it, somehow, but I didn’t want to. It licked my insides with flames, and I liked it. Before I could even think, ugliness came rushing from my lips.

“I’m glad your planet exploded,” I said darkly. Just like that. Just like I’d done a thousand times in my imagination.

The plate in Mom’s hands came crashing to the floor, the broken shards mingling with the ones already there.

“Ben—” Dad started to say, but Mom cut him off. She was shaking, struggling to find words, but she spoke.

“You have got to be the most impudent, most disrespectful child in this or in any other galaxy,” she stammered furiously. “It is going to take a long time—and a lot of willpower—for me to forgive you this one. You have crossed the line, do you hear me? If you ever say that again—”

“I’m glad Alderaan exploded!” I shouted, shooting fire straight into her eyes.

Silence.

And then, it happened. She snapped.

“You are a terrible person and I want you out of this house!” she screamed hoarsely. The look on her face now was fear, not anger. She was trembling, starting to cry. “You are not allowed here anymore! You are not my son! You do not deserve a single thing this family has sacrificed for you! Get out. Get out! I can’t tolerate this kind of talk and I don’t want you here!”

“Go and cool off, Ben,” Dad echoed in a low tone, his face an expression of serious concern.

What else could I do? I left.

Once I was outside the house, my resolve crumbled, and the strength of my anger evaporated. I broke down and cried. The burning fire gave way to a hollow, aching emptiness that seemed to devour me even more voraciously.

(”She says you’re a terrible person. She says you’re not her son. She says you don’t deserve to be here. She says she doesn’t want you. She’s going to send you away. She doesn’t want to see you again. She doesn’t want you anymore.”

“Stop! Stop tormenting me!”)

The truth about what I had done hit me too late. How could I have said such terrible words? How could I have forgotten? It wasn’t just some thing that had happened; it was the stuff of my mother’s worst memories and her worst nightmares. She had been captured and forced to watch as her home planet was blown to pieces. She had had to stand there and be a witness as virtually everyone she loved, including her parents, burned alive and vanished from the face of the galaxy.

And I suspect that somehow…in some way…Mom still believes that it was her fault. As strong as she is, that trauma is something that’s never left her, and maybe never will.

And me? I’d taken advantage of that. I’d dug my claws deep into those scars and ripped them wide open and taken pleasure from it.

(“You! You lied to me! You said there was nothing wrong with imagining!”

“Sweet child…I never lied. I said there was nothing wrong with imagining, but only if you kept it inside your own head. I’m afraid you failed.”)

The more I thought about it, the more I came to believe that she really did hate me now, and that my father did too. They were going to send me away to Luke and never speak to me again. My entire body seized up. Sweat rose up from every pore in my skin. I felt like everything inside of me was trying to tear me apart, and all I could do was curl up and sob on the ground. They were going to disown me and nothing I said would be able to change what I’d done.

In reality, I was only disowned for about half an hour. Then Dad came to get me.

I shrank away when I saw him coming. I almost got up and ran, but I didn’t have the strength. I’d already cried out every tear.

“Well, you really did it this time, kid; didn’t you?” he said softly.

“I’m a terrible person,” I choked out, still edging away. I used it like a shield. I didn’t want him to tell me the same thing, so I simply said it myself.

He shook his head and came closer. “No. You just said some terrible stuff. That doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person, it just means you gotta make it right. C’mere, kid.” He held out his hand.

I slapped it away.

“She said I wasn’t her son.” My voice hitched and cracked like a damaged droid’s.

Dad paused, a faint grimace lining his features.

“Well…” he began slowly, “I think what she really meant to say was that Darth Vader wasn’t her father.” He looked at the sky and put his hands in his pockets. “I guess that…in that moment…she didn’t see her son. I think she saw Vader standing there, instead of you.”

When he said that…it was like a shadow had passed over me. I slowly shook my head as I burst into fresh tears.

“I don’t want to be Darth Vader,” I whispered.

I had never said that before.

And that was the catalyst for me to start shoving all my subversive opinions back under the bed where they belonged. All the Vader posters, all the TIE fighter models, they’re still in a box in my closet now. Just…rotting away.

Obviously, my mother and I made up and everything. She was very sorry about the things that she’d said, and I was even sorrier about the things that I’d said. She showered me with hugs and kisses and reassured me over and over again that I was her baby, even when I hurt her—and I had hurt her, very much. I apologized over and over. I promised I would never say anything so…so evil ever again. And she promised she would never again say that I wasn’t her son.

“Those are never, ever words that any child should hear,” she said quietly, tears slipping down her face as she held me close. “Especially not mine. You’re the light of my life, Ben-Ben. Mommy is so, so sorry.”

Of course I forgave her.

But…that didn’t make it better right away.

…I hate to paint myself as a victim since I’m the one who, you know…said I was glad about the extermination of an entire civilization. The extermination of my mother’s home planet. The planet that she watched go to flames right before her very eyes, when she was only a kid not much older than me.

But…the words she had said in her anger and her pain stuck with me for weeks after the argument (and even almost a year later they still come back to me sometimes). I memorized them to the intonation. I heard them in my sleep. I thought about them constantly. Yet...I couldn’t tell anyone. Mom and I had made up to one another already—so wasn’t the whole thing supposed to be over and done with? I didn’t want to bring it back up again.

Plus, I was scared that my mistake had given my mother every right to say what she had said.

So I just…let it fester inside of me. I felt very lost. And very bitter. And very shaken. Because even though we had made up, and even though I knew she hadn’t meant it…I was just so angry that my mother could let herself say something like that. That I wasn’t her son. That I didn’t deserve to be her kid.

…It ate me away.

(“Do you see how easy it is to lose someone’s love?” he whispered in the darkness, embracing me, wiping away the tears, displacing the pain and replacing it with himself. “She forgives you now, but you saw how quickly she was willing to abandon you. That is why you can depend on no one but me. You must learn to validate yourself without your family…without your parents… You know they don’t love you anyway. But there are other things from which you may derive your strength, young one…and more strength than you have ever dreamed of.”)