#I SHOULDNT BE POSTING SO MUCH ABOUT ONE STUPID POST

[sorrowfulwill]

NO FUCKING WAY I SAW ONE OF MY FAVORITE TUMBLR PEOPLE REBLOG MY MOTHSHITPOSTING I AM SO UNREASONABLY GIDDY RIGHT NOW

[stunfiskz]

i really love these games a lot but this fandom is so stressful to me

[mbat]

i think i made a post before but i cant find it but literally its funny as hell seeing people be like 'this show curses too much!' about those two shows (which this post is NOT about istg dont start discourse) but also people are rightfully fighting back about every single websites abysmal censoring system where people arent allowed to say things like 'dead' or 'suicide' or other topics like that despite them being both basic facts of life and also important conversations to have

its especially clear on channels and accounts where they consistently talk about crime cases, or generally serious topics. i follow several channels like that on youtube, and almost every single one doesnt dare say the words that literally are the word for what theyre discussing, because their fragile sponsorships dont like it, or youtube doesnt like it, and its like. are you actually fucking kidding me. and its genuinely a shock when they actually say these words.

and i dont use tiktok very often, and when i do its usually just videos of people making art, but its hard to avoid seeing tiktoks on other social media, and how people will censor words to hell and back so that their video isnt shadowbanned or whatever those stupid words are to mean 'this video is fucked and youre fucked for making it'

im sick of seeing people have to say shit like unalive and self unaliving TO DISCUSS BASIC FACTS OF LIFE. people die. people kill themselves. yes its fucking awful and depressing and terrifying, but its beyond a joke to act like its something to hide away from.

its also extremely important that we do talk about these things, and talk about them like real people do, because of how often they happen, and how serious they are.

do you know the amount of times ive seen people unironically say the word unalive outside of these places? or people come to tumblr and they say it here because they think that you cant say those words here? its embarassing.

the internet is becoming increasingly more corporate ideal and its gross. i cannot put into words how much i hate how the internet feels like one continuous corporate website. i miss how the internet was back when i first started using it, even if it was the wild west and extremely far from a place a child shouldve been. and even then i was on an internet that wasnt anything like how it was even a decade previous to that, what would be about 20 years ago now, where the internet was even more of a wild west.

i dont like that we have to bend a knee to the wants of corporations just to exist on this thing that once felt magical. the place where every person ever has the possibility to be connected from anywhere, see and experience things they never could without it

and yet here we are not even being able to say things that people do experience every day. its just disgusting.

im not advocating that there be 0 lines to cross, theres still things that should be like 'hey maybe dont say or do that', but im talking the things that literally hurt no one.

so sure, say what you will about those shows, maybe i agree, but i really dont give a single shit about the discourse or any of that. and yeah maybe they do say shit and fuck a little bit much, but holy hell are they at least allowed to say it, and its a breath of fresh air to me, and thats also just embarassing.

[ghashtly]

.

[phoenixyfriend]

Post-O66 Mace going into hiding as a pirate with a crew like Hondo's, is that anything?

I got a bunch of input on discord. Calling this one:

A bunch of pirates, a Jedi Master on the run, and a traumatized twelve-year-old.

Kicking off with a key part of it all is @atagotiak (Tia):

He’s annoying because he’s such a stick in the mud (by which I mean it’s rather inconvenient for a pirate crew when the new recruit has morals and stuff) But he’s too valuable to get rid of, due to having all that experience with administration

I am enamored with the idea of Mace's main job being just. Pirate Admin.

Mace: So this is what I am reduced to. Aiding and abetting… in tax evasion. Hondo: And piracy. Mace: The tax evasion is a bigger hit to my pride.

Tia:

The pirates are annoyed that despite him stopping them from going through with the more immoral (and lucrative) plans they’re still making more money than before

Pirates: How are we making more money now-- Mace: Have you heard of a budget.

@jebiknights (knights):

okay but traditionally pirate ships have a quarter master who is high ranking, in charge of the bounty of every prize and therefore in charge of dividing everything up fairly like that could work really well lmaooo

The crew runs into Obi-Wan during the Leia incident and it's just time for "I can explain" on both ends.

Tia:

Hey, d’you think the pirates go after force sensitives? Mace managed to talk them into recruitment and/or relocation instead of selling to the empire. (And that’s another thing that could possibly have worked out better for them than the immoral option (not least because the empire doesn’t really treat its allies well)) Obi-Wan: and how are you dealing with Hondo’s… nonsense? Mace: eh, it’s not like he’s any worse than you or Yoda. (Mace is probably just messing with Obi-Wan. Probably)

Also I'm thinking that one of those initiates that Hondo let go(?) that one time finds them because a pirate might be likely to sell them out but they're demonstrably competent at evading arrest, so maybe-

And that's how Mace ends up with another padawan. Maybe Katooni.

@dracothulhu:

Hondo would put him in so many stupid costumes

knights:

i also just realized that mace loses both of his hands in rots..... hondo tries to convince him at least one of said hands should be a hook or a lightsaber

Tia:

Probably deliberately playing straight man about it. He doesn’t care about dignity that much, but there’s benefits to exaggerate how humiliating he finds it Hey, y’know what’s piratical? Eyepatches

[vibrates in response to baiting for Nick Fury jokes] Love it

Tia:

I do think as much as jokes about Samuel L Jackson’s other roles are fun, pirate Mace shouldn’t swear much, even after becoming acclimated to pirate life.

knights:

also i agree i think pirate mace shouldnt swear much, he should get to use his classically trained acting chops and give dramatic speeches like hes the love interest in a pirate romance novel hondo is swooning in the background .... nixy im about ready to start crack shipping them bc of this dammit this is going to pick at my brain isnt it dhgisrjgser (pirate mace not the hondo/mace part) honestly the funniest thing is that mace would probably really enjoy being a pirate after all of the beauracracy he had to deal with in the senate during the war. things are much more simple even if everyone drives him nuts lol listen mace didn't intend to get directly involved in the actual like heists probably, he is there to lay low and also to keep the ship organized and make sure hondo doesnt blow all their money on booze and "investments", but then hondo's dumbass probably gets in over his head along with his first mate and some other crew members and mace is starting to like the life hes living esp bc he is still able to help people on the Path in between thievery and tax evasion, so he goes to rescue them and is like... what am i supposed to do i am too recognizable i am supposed to be dead and puts on a disguise and just goes for it

Another thing Mace is good at is contracts He is. Painfully good at it. He doesn't enjoy it, but watching Hondo draft up a contract is almost painful. (Hondo is smart at this. He's clever. He's experienced. But he didn't take multiple classes on contract law.)

Tia:

Hondo never seemed especially book smart, and he never made a promise he hadn’t at least considered breaking so contracts would be a weak point for him

[ultra-raging-ghost]

Alright. Imma just say it. Something is wrong with the theme park and Ollie. Because at first, it just seems really sweet right? Ollie seems charming and super nice to Bad- a true friend, if you will. But what initially started out as "getting help" for a "surprise for cucurucho" in the form of a ferris wheel turned into Bad being responsible for an entire theme park. Ok. But like. Why tho.

Also what is up with the snakes and raccoons that just randomly appear every time Bad tries to show the bunny workers his work- therefore inadvertently causing him problems that lead to bad reviews by the bunnies. And more importantly: Bad owing Cucurucho more debt each time.

There's something interesting about that last part and this whole situation intrigues me so much if Cucurucho really is manipulating Bad into becoming closer, and ultimately, slowly integrate him into the Federation.

- alchemicaladarna

EXACTLY

see the thing is i have to agree with bad that i think cucuruchos setting bad up for a debt payment so theyre forced to interact daily! Like a baby trap but with financials kjkhjgvhjbnjk

i wrote this in a post like i think two ish days ago that cucurucho seems to be testing bads boundaries, which includes forcing bad to somehow pay cucurucho or be in debt to cucurucho, both things which bad hates because he really likes being at the top of the ladder on the richness scale!! Like he checks that stupid thing so often just to make sure hes still at the top when in reality theres like a 10K GAP between him and the second richest person on the server

Like its so sus how this is the second time cucuruchos made bad indebted to him within the past couple days. And bad really couldve just refused to pay cucurucho back (it was just a netherite block that bad didnt even have that we WATCHED cucurucho destroy) but instead bad bended and said that he'd find a way to pay cucurucho back even if getting a fucking BLOCK OF NETHERITE would take FOREVER

AND THE THING IS!!!! THE THING IS!!!! I am 90% confident cucurucho didnt expect bad to be honest and give him back that whole stack of netherite blocks, it was a VERY OBVIOUS TEMPTATION to try and get bad to refuse to give them back but instead he did so and cucurucho panicked and decided to fabricate a false debt on his own

But the thing is, a block of netherite is something one can forget about especially when bad doesnt actually have it, so instead he made bad in debt with something a little more tangible, something bad cant just give back to him all at once (or that he didnt want to - of course bad could do it he has WELL over 12k but bad hoards his money like a dragon). So instead cucurucho charged bad an exuberant price for something he shouldnt have even known existed just so bad would be forced to interact with him and go out of his way to give him exactly 12 coins a day!! Cucurucho was even nice enough to take 3k off just because he likes bad (thats a quote, that was crazy)!!!

AND cucurucho did the math in his head, if bad were to stick to their debt agreement bad would be paying him back for a little under 3 years !!! Bro had a fucking calculator on hand!!! 2.74 years i believe were his calculations, a thousand days!! Bro is counting!!!

like im just saying its so sus,, its so sus i UNDERSTAND and i hope its on purpose and that they DO SOMETHING WITH IT!!!

AND SIDE NOTE!!!! THESE BUNNIES ARE SO CRINGEFAIL!!!! WHY ARE ALL OF THEM ALWAYS ON HALF A HEART???? The bear fed workers werent doing allat!!!!! It seems like every time a rabbit is around bad theyre always on 2 hearts constantly getting downed, every other time bad sees ollie hes picking her up from getting downed, he had to save the two tie rabbits several times today, sipi kept getting downed, etc. etc. that cant not be planned, its like they go out of their way to be weak to be able to make these accusations that cause bad to get fined that cause him to be in debt like THATS CRAZY RIGHT???

I dont think i saw any bear fed workers get downed until fucking CELLBIT started killing them, and pre-theme park weve rarely/never seen a bunny properly get downed, even when they were around bad, Ronnie was mostly stalking and hiding and jumping around and excited, they didnt get downed nearly as much!!! Its crazy!!!

EDIT: EDITING THIS TO SAY. LOWEST OF KEYS. REALLY SUS THAT OLLIE CLAIMED IT WAS FOR A CELEBRATION FOR CUCURUCHO, BUT REFUSED TO ELABORATE ON WHICH CELEBRATION... BAD ASKED IF IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY OR LIKE A BOSS APPRECIATION DAY OR SOMETHING AND SHE JUST AGREED NONCOMMITTALLY AND REFUSED TO ELABORATE.. A LITTLE ODDDDD

[damnfandomproblems]

4814

Same... Ive gone through so many blogs on here trying to have a fresh start and give fandom another chance hoping if i just "do it right" ill have fun... But the thing is i havent been having fun in like... 8 years. Im only 20 and i remember the 20 year olds i followed back when i was around 12. I know fandom has been on the deline for far longer but atleast i was able to have fun then, bit now i look at the 20 year olds and teens of today and i just feel so... Depressed. Im constantly tired and no one is friendly or fun anymore. I miss the blogs where i could look forward to seeing post everyday and talk to and have fun with... But now everyone is so on edge and even i have trouble interacting with people on my blog or even posting anything cuz its just like "is this going to get me harassed today?" "Is this tame and acceptable enough to not get me harassed?"

Even though i know i shouldnt care its really just me not wanting to deal with unnecessary drama that could be avoided if people werent so stupid

Cant do anything without performative activists threatening to harass you and having the constant fear of what if someone is so deranged that this tiny little insignificant thing will make them decide to doxx me or something...

Ive noticed more and more how empty fandoms feels yknow? Kinda feels like a warzone with a lot of mostly abandoned and broken buildings. A community board here and there, some people loitering about and some hidden places that are really picky about who they let in. And a hell of a lot of soldiers (antis) who will come beat you up if you look suspicious, or they just dont like you for whatever reason... Thats really how it feels and it really sucks.

I want it to be lively like a giant ren faire, packed full of people and art and music and just fun in general. A place where we don't need to have a background check of every person we so much a look at in order to play hopscotch or something with them.

Posting as is.

[ibringthepoptothecinema]

i wanna go off on that anon who said dan charged too much for the wad kiswe stream LIKE ITS $20..... AND GUESS WHAT people recorded it and downloaded it and shared it on google drives so it's BEEN available for free so long as you ask around in dm's, phannies dont care abt money barriers, ppl just openly repost phil's cactus club posts. there's so much entitlement in saying he shouldnt have charged money if he was just gonna make something free like come on do you NOT want his show to be accessible? also theyre not fuckin elon musk rich yall like. they're petit bourgeois which means they still do labor theyre not exactly sitting on their laurels to make this kinda stuff like it costs money. venues cost money staff costs money STAGE PRODUCTION AND COSTUME AND LIGHTING THE STUPID GIANT CIRCULAR SCREEN ALLL OF THAT COSTS MONEY!! it's not cheap and yes tickets to go to the show were somewhat pricey (imo i thought they were fair prices and im saying that as a broke person who couldnt afford to go but still) but so much of ticket price goes to arbitrary venue fees or ticket "handling" fees like it sucks but it is absolutely not dan's fault

ok anyway my REAL hot take is that dan's show should have exclusively run in seedy gay bars similar to the 2022 pride shows he did in london but like $20 at the door and and it's at a location called The Sludge which is just someone's apartment illegally turned into a bar, that kinda vibe

Respect this opinion, definitely. Some really decent points. I think as long as everyone’s respectful, differing opinions are okay to have.

I paid for the show irl and I paid to watch it online. Seeing it free on YouTube did kinda make me wish I’d waited but I’m glad I saw the pre show and after show.

I know lots of people did streaming things and lots of links. But tbf to people, maybe they felt embarrassed or icky about watching it ‘illegally’ idk. I’m trying to see it from all points of view.

One point is though like, they are kinda very rich. Not like omg Bezos stupid amount but still, a hell of a lot of money. Double shared income. Multiple channels, books, tours, sponsorship, tv and film cameos. So being able to even produce what Dan did even on a smaller scale takes the privilege of having money in the first place. And notoriety. Not something the average person could pull off. 

£20 is a fair bit for people who can not necessarily afford it but really want to see the show/support Dan. But yeah, the money part really probably wasn’t up to him, charge wise.

Dan doing an Edinburgh fringe type of show definitely is a sick idea!

[homochadensistm]

We've seen photos of Palestinians waving Third Reich flags it's not like we desperately need to prove that one singular solitary Hamas soldier has a temporary swastika tattoos that his besties gave him at the 7th grade sleepover. And the fact that it looks so shitty and obviously hand-drawn too is sending me 😭

Like it's corny and it's tired and it's played out. Planting evidence on a terrorist is going to have so much more capital among the insane Houthi fangirls (who also think that Israel trains American police to execute people of color) than it is among pro Israel people who already know that a lot of Hamas members and supporters like Nazis!

There's no way the tattoo is real, there's no logical reason why this guy would have it, we don't need it to be real to prove that Nazi ideology is popular in Gaza. Everyone arguing with you is so hypersensitive to any assertion that Israel is wrong or making something up and they need to take a chill pill, maybe smoke a blunt. Like this wasn't even ISRAEL the state, it was a single IDF soldier probably trying to get clout (guys look I took out the Nazi soldier with his halal swastika tattoo). You can support Israel and still acknowledge that plenty of Israeli soldiers are dumbasses and a lot of them are very young and impulsive.

Forever obsessed with all these people praying on your downfall every time you even slightly disagree with them. I guess they're intimidated 👄💄

I understand your bottom line but dude some of the things u wrote are entirely missing a very important point.

the palis could hold nazi marches and wave these flags on their way to work, it doesnt matter at all. creating and spreading mis/disinformation to Own The Other Side is vile behavior. and yes, you absolutely need to prove the claims you as a country officially make (fortunately, as u stated, this was not claimed officially....YET) because your credibility is what makes or breaks ur public relations. soldiers drawing swastikas on palis with sharpies shouldnt be excused as a teehee oopsie doopsie its just a prank bro!! it should be taken extremely seriously and it doesnt remotely matter whether the palis wave the nazi flags or not, its not the point.

some retarded 18yo with an M16 in the middle of khan younis isnt thinking abt Israeli public relations when he does something fucking stupid and the myriad of absolutely disgusting vids posted by these freaks on tiktok should serve as a lesson to us all on that. ppl who r capable of ransacking some random persons house or store are also capable of planting evidence like this, and we know for a fact that both soldiers and spokespeople lied multiple times abt "evidence". ppl dont seem to understand that both parties here have a vested interest in maintaining the others bad image and both parties are going to release bs propaganda.

and ur absolutely right, we dont need a tattoo to prove the prevelence of nazi ideology in gaza, but if we dont need that then simply dont lie about it! dont make shit up! and yet someone still made it up and its going to be added to the pile of bs Israel spread (because lets face it, even if the country didnt officially post this, a soldier did, and a soldier is a representative to the country whether we like it or not), that is going to hurt us down the line. again ppl dont seem to understand that the palis can lie until their tongues fall off and noone will care because the west expects absolutely nothing from them, but we cannot play by these rules because we are a democratic country that is held to western standards of conduct. we as ordinary ppl must point out the crap thats spread around by members of Our SideTM just as much as we do on the crap spread around by the terrorist cum garglers, and if were not willing to do that then were just as brainwashed as they are.

[cicerenella]

i am also a firm 'chibitalia shouldnt exist' believer! ig the purpose of them is just cuteness factor but... they are just uncanny to me. why are they blobs the size of newborns, talking and walking like 10 yr olds and acting like 4 yr olds? and what was the weird ass thing of having feli dressed up and mistaken for a girl for? honestly think that the feli x hre thing would've been so much more impactful if they were just their normal ages. Also feli and roderich's relationship couldve been way more interesting, like alfred and arthurs. but since he was just the chibi thing its like yea i kinda see why roderich treated him like a pet, that blob does not resemble a person :/

I dropkick both chibitalia and chibiromano they are one of the things I hate the most in this anime because ughhh wasted potential!!

I put the cute Italian kiddos before Rome's death and a little bit after, but like...why are they still kids during the seventeenth century?? they should be already grown adults!! not to mention they have a shit ton of history and culture behind them😭

I guess hima added them only for cuteness factors. Although I make Feli and HRE's relationship much more serious and tragic in my canon since I age them up to young adults. And you're right! I would've loved to see Austria-North Italy relationship IF ONLY hima didn't give us stupid blobs as the italies.

mhhh, I probably should make a post about historical AusIta...

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

[alexanderlightweight]

Heyooo first lemme just say that your writting is amazing. Even your darkish prompts are kinda fluffy at the end.

I imagined my prompt in a marriage of inconvenience but it kinda goes on any if yours.

Magnus flies into a rage and destroys either the NYI or alicante itself because Clary attacks Alec because of the secret marriage. Alec ismt hurt or anything but because she dared to do it our favourite high warlock shows the shadowworld that you really shouldnt touch what is his.

Thanks in advance and im looking forward to all your writtings so i can curl up in a corner wispering my precious like Gollum

Ah thank you so much! i really appreciate that and yeah, i'll write something super DDDNE and dark and then write the end and saeth will read it and go 'awww thats cute' but... that's also @saeths. who is @alxndrlightwoods and their opinion of cute things can be a little skewed.

so i'm never really sure until i post where my stuff falls tbh

kay so this is totally random but this is actually going in 'all your cracks i'll paint gold' the deruned alec verse. because it just fit best there and also, it's a bit of a plot twist because clary doesn't care enough about the institute or alicante for her to be bothered or affected in season 1 or 2 by it being destroyed.

i hope you've been enjoying them and enjoy this, thank you for this lovely prompt

<3 lumine

-

Clarissa Fray is the last person Alec expected to meet on one of the rare occasions he ever leaves Magnus’ loft. The only reason he’s even where he is, is because one of Magnus’ friends is healing an acquaintance of Magnus’. Which means that when asked to go with him, Alec of course said yes.

However, he was not expecting the small redhead that charges into the hospital rune and is seething at him.  If not for the wards and magic on this floor of the hospital, Alec imagines that Fray would have caused an incident.

“You, why are you here?” She yells when she sees him and Alec reminds himself that he can’t just rip the stupid little girl’s heart out, even if she is yelling at him like she isn’t the one whose fault is everything that’s happened to him. “You’re supposed to be dead! Everyone is acting like you are. Your mom threatened me! Izzy hates me and Jace is practically a ghost! This is all your fault Alec!”

“My fault?” Alec scoffs because he’s not touching the rest of her statements and is about to argue when he realizes it’s pointless. He can’t argue with someone caught in a delusion and Clary Fray is caught in a delusion of her own grandeur and self-righteousness. “Forget it, Fray. I didn’t come here for you. You’re not even supposed to be here.” 

“Well, I didn’t come here for you either, but that doesn’t matter. You’re going to help me save my mom, Alec. The warlocks won’t listen to me without Magnus, and I heard all about it while Dot was being healed. You ran to Magnus. You’re the reason why he stopped helping me, why no one can solve the potion.”

“Actually, I stopped helping you because you disgust me, and I have better ways to waste my time.” Magnus says and Alec relaxes, watching him come out of the shadows, the gold of his eyes a deadly promise in the dark.  “In fact, watching pond scum form is a far less a waste of time than listening to you.”

—

Magnus binds her easily and throws her through a portal, following leisurely with his arm around Alexander’s waist, his boy pressing kisses to Magnus’ temple. 

“How does she know I’m with you?” Alexander asks him, worry in his voice and Magnus regrets trusting Dot as much as he and Cat have. Apparently, she’s not nearly as trustworthy as he thought, if she thinks sharing information about her High Warlock’s lover is acceptable.

Because Alec is no longer a shadowhunter and he certainly doesn’t have any ties to the clave, not like Clarissa now does. Yet for some reason, Dot shared something that she only ever heard because Magnus lowered his guard enough to share with Cat while he helped heal her.

It’s such a disregard for Magnus’ privacy as well as Cat’s and also, means that Magnus and she can no longer talk around Dot freely. Which is disappointing on many levels.

“A small mistake on my part, darling.” Magnus assures him, “I’ll handle it. She won’t be able to share it around anymore and if it looks like they’ve tracked us, I’ll simply move us again. The clave won’t be able to take you from me, darling. Not even if they begged or bribed me.”

They’re on a roof by a mundane college, an artistic one and while Magnus could feel pity for all the lives he’s about to ruin, it’s hardly his fault that Clarissa Fray doesn’t consider the consequences of her actions.

“I normally try to avoid mundane losses, even just their structural losses. However, even if you should decide not to be a shadowhunter, Clarissa Fray. Remember that because of your greed, this avenue will always be lost to you.”

With a flick of his power the fire alarm goes off and Clarissa is struggling and yelling against the magic keeping her quiet, eyes wide as the last lingering vestiges of the college flee and, as they all watch, Magnus lights it up. 

Several parts of the building suddenly imploded. Little clouds of smoke and bright bursts of flames, mortar and ash and debris raining down as Clarissa screams and cries.  She’s showing more emotions for the idea that the college brings than when her little friend died or when she’d been supposedly grieving the pain, she caused Alexander and Magnus rolls his eyes.

“How tragic. Who could have predicted that a gas explosion would take down the school you hoped so dearly to join.” Magnus tuts and he pulls Alexander closer, and he sighs in contentment when his boy leans back trustingly. “Perhaps, you should learn to watch where you step, little shadowhunter. Not everyone will be so kind as to light the way and the world of shadows is a very dark one.”

Magnus portals away, leaving her to watch the place burn down and without really any interest in staying.  She’ll either manage to free herself or be found by her blond shadow and Magnus doesn’t care either way, not beyond getting Alexander away.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Alexander.” Magnus tells him, when they’re back on their roof and Alexander is sitting on the moss, his knees tucked to his chin as he stares at the pond with waterfowl and koi that Magnus keeps.

Magnus very sneakily magics a little dish of tidbits to Alexander, and he’s given a weary but grateful smile before Alexander throws out the pieces. The koi dart over even faster than the birds, greedily gobbling as much as they can from the surface before following the sinking pieces down. The few birds that there are ignore them, coming straight to the edge, spoiled little creatures that they are.

They come right up to Alexander and snack out of his hand, ignoring Magnus with glaring orange eyes and ruffling their bloodred feathers.

“I can’t believe they all like bones so much.” Alexander murmurs, “it’s a good way of disposing of it though.”

Magnus hums in agreement, because that’s exactly why he has these variants on their roof.

"I loathe her." Alexander finally whispers, "I wanted to rip her heart out. She was talking to me just like she did when she first showed up. Ungrateful, demanding, like nothing in the world matters compared to what she wants. I just wanted to kill her. Make sure she can't cause any more damage to my life, Magnus. I can't I lose anymore."

“It's alright darling, I have you and I’ve taken care of it. Clarissa will be unable to speak of where you are or that she’s seen you. Or that you're with me. Dot has also been taken care of, as apparently, she was under the impression that she enjoyed certain privileges that she does not.”

Which simply meant that she was relying on their precious dalliance to smooth things over and hadn’t expected Magnus to actually be serious about his boy.

A misunderstanding of course, but a grave one on her part. Not, however, an unforgivable one.

As long as she keeps her mouth shut from now on.

[spacelazarwolf]

That dick envy post has my mind in a chokehold I s2g it reminds me of everytime I expressed any form of bottom dysphoria I had it was automatically followed by condescending adults explaining to me that penises are some complex tool that can only be wielded properly if you're born with one and how ppl with penises just have so many problems that could never be understood by ppl with vaginas-- Like literally had so many adults be like "ooo you complain about periods but if you had penis then you have to deal with sudden boners which is so much worse!!!!" And when I would disregard all of that I'm just left being looked at like some sexual degenerate that shouldnt speak.

I just wish I could express my desire for the body I want without being seen as perverted or ignorant.

ngl it kinda smells like sexism and misogyny. these dumb little girls couldn’t possibly understand the responsibility of wielding The Magic Wand. any stupid female who thinks they can handle that is kidding themself.

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

[gayemeralds]

what are the things you hate most about shadow? i think i was mostly neutral-negative towards him but fandom blorbofication made me so instinctually averse to anything about him i cant really pinpot the ones that annoy me the most

i'll admit at first it was mostly because i was annoyed by the fandom's approach to him but i try my best not to get swayed by other peoples perception of sonic and i went back to look at the source material so i can bitch and back myself up. lmao.

i think i just really hate the direction of his character post sa2. i think there's plenty of story to be wrought from shadow- i say i wish he stayed dead after sa2 but thats not 100% true. i think the amnesia arc they went with post sa2 was the dumbest fucking thing they could do with a character who we spent an entire game (sa2) figuring out his past in. like sa2 is so lore heavy that having the core character of the game become amnesiac was stupid i fucking hate it. and it doesnt even get resolved in sonic heroes we have to get shadow the hedgehog 2005 to get a better answer and if im honest even then its still immensely confusing on what, exactly, they're trying to do with shadow.

like imagine if they didnt go the route of amnesia. a shadow that has to fully reckon with the fact that he nearly ended the world. a shadow that has to immediately acknowledge the events of sa2, his grief, geralds actions, and where this leaves him. amnesia shadow just doesnt do shadow figuring out where he stands in regard to his past enough justice. idk i just wish the amnesia thing literally never happened it was so stupid and i think it fucked up his character post sa2.

but other than that, i really do hate how he keeps getting pushed into things that he really shouldnt be pushed in. i think the sonic movies and sonic prime are the most egregious examples. i really dont understand why sonic prime, who's purpose was to explore alternative dimensions, didn't focus on sonic and blaze. why was shadow a core part of this show. and the sonic movies skipping sa1 just to get to sa2 to have shadow in the universe to milk as much money as they can frustrates me so fucking much. why is shadow confirmed before amy. also shadow in the twitter take overs when hes not even in the fucking games??? like sonic frontiers and sonic colors... i'll admit i hate sega using him as a marketing ploy. shadow to me is a character that should be placed in the reserves- he's really only useful for big, world ending events. otherwise whats the point of having him around, especially since they don't want to be consistent in his characterization.

speaking of charaterization... im not sure how to phrase this but i think a lot of modern presentations of shadow, in fandom and through sega, really forget how sa2 presented shadow, and his relationship to sonic. i hate how shadow keeps getting casted as sonic's edgy doppleganger whos just picking fights for the sake of a fight. like if you want that metal sonic is right fucking there and always has a good reason to pick a fight with sonic. and i really hate how sonic & shadow are not always casted as equals. theres an underlying respect to their relationship that i think gets forgotten. shadow does respect sonic- he calls him the ultimate lifeform during the finalhazard battle- he acknowledges and respects sonics ability, tenacity, and simplicity. he respects sonic! and the two are equals! they're supposed to be foils of each other- of what letting your losses define you as. they're equals! they're two sides of the same coin! i don't know how to phrase this without going on an insane tangent i just feel like people don't entirely understand what them being foils means.

anyway. idk. i don't like shadow post sa2 is the simplest answer to this lol.

[grandhotelabyss]

The substack on "seperating the art from the artist" was interesting. But one detail lead me to a question - childrens books.

I know it was mostly used to mock people who don't want to engadge with anything "icky" as the demographic probably likes to say, but still.

So the question is, should books for kids be squeaky clean, be these gardens of eden were no evil shows its head, till they grow into the maturity which will let them confront the barbarity of literature vis a vis reality?

One could already use this as a segway to argue the opposite - that with the amount of adults not being able to deal with literature going against their provincal pseudo-morals, children should be "trained" from young age to not be like that - the point of childhood is paradoxically to grow out of it, even if many dont want to.

But on the other hand, and this may reveal myself to be the object of the previous high-nosed snot shower:

I kinda do feel "icky" when I think about all these kids books that try to be "hehe, I'm gonna show kids the real world!"

Like that Matilda author, forgot his name, I remember a year ago there was some fake drama about censorship which ofcourse was stupid but still

I do feel some kind of spite, that irony, that want to be subversive that goes against the idealised view of childhood.

Or maybe my realistic view - with all the cruelty and unavoidable misery - but that wants me to say, "why expose them to more of it?"

Because intuition tells me that those "edgy" childrens book have a simmilar ethos as a teenaged kid trying to teach a todler swear words, or to do a roman salute or whatever, this corrupting of the innocent for the sake of it.

But maybe this whole ramble is just the result of a Lacanian wish to crawl back into the vomb, my lile of Preussler's books just a want to become the little ghost who just can fly around in his eternal castle never growing up.

Still ofcourse I get that it is absurd to rant against Matilda with all the childrens media going way further in many ways and the fact that even I as a young child easily acceseed stuff I wasnt supossed to.

So maybe I answerred my own question - maybe there shouldnt even be childrens books in the first place, just books that are more and less apropriate for younger and yet younger kids.

(Also they should burn all those obviously on porpuse braindead picture books, you know the type lol)

Yes, as I discussed here, I didn't really read children's books unless made to and don't find it to be all that appealing a category. People thought comic books were like children's books, so I was happily reading Grant Morrison's occult phantasmagoria, Frank Miller's post-apocalyptic reactionary satire, and Alan Moore's Freudian traumatology of the archetypes at the age of five and six—and I wouldn't have it any other way. Anyway, the writers who shifted children's books out of their moralizing paradigm and into neo-modernist aesthetic integrity in the late 19th century tended to be either quasi-pedophiles like Carroll and Barrie or figures like Potter rather deliberately trying to expose children to the tooth-and-claw realities polite society otherwise evaded. Children's primordial innocence was a useful historical construct, the slowly evolving joint work of Christianity and the Enlightenment, and we are rightly suspicious of those who would tamper too much with it today; but it was a historical construct, it has produced its own return-of-the-repressed shadow (it's likely generated as much pedophilia as it's ever discouraged by inventing the taboo to be profaned), and it has been carried to unconscionable extremes of life-aversion and anti-intellectualism in our time (e.g., the "brain" doesn't "finish" till age 25 or whatever other ridiculous scientific myth of permanent incapacity we're supposed to believe based on the latest spate of fake "studies" these days). People are probably just people at any age from the onset of consciousness forward—I am aware of no great shift in the core of my identity since about the age of five and never thought of myself as a child—and, because there is alas no protecting everyone from everything in the end, they should at least be armed with knowledge and cultivation at the earliest possible moment.