#I admire such people man. Ive been ridiculed about what i like since i was a child so i just stopped sharing it with anyone.

[mrfoox]

Uuuh, I love unapologetically passionate people. People who tell me about what they do or enjoy without being embarrassed

[sunnycanvas]

Baldwin iv x Reader Smut

Throne Sex

Warning: Exhibition sex, slight lactation kink, breeding kink and voyeurism

Baldwin iv had felt like happiest man alive. He always wanted to marry someone and have children. He adored his nephew and wished he had his own but sadly Baldwin iv doubted if he is capable of having children. Also not to mention leprosy was thought to be sexually transmitted disease. A punishment from god but that was ridiculous! He never had sexual intercourse with women, he had also never fallen in love before! All his time he dedicated were to his studies, horse riding and swordmanship. How he wished to have a companion. Since he knew he couldn't have children he atleast wanted a wife. No noble man was willing to give their daughters and no woman wanted to marry him also his ministers warned him that it won't be socially acceptable for him to marry since leaporsy was thought to be sexually transmitted. He vowed to live in chastity. He didn't have much of choice anyways. Until he met you. You accepted him . You were aware that his condition won't make it possible to have children with him You were aware of it and accepted him as he is, how rare was it to find someone who genuinely loved him for who he is and didn't judge him as a person who had been cursed by God. Meanwhile you were a person who believed that God loved everyone no matter how they were, you never believed what others told you and made your own judgement, when you learned about leaper king. Your heart pained thinking about poor boy who had to suffer and was harshly being judged. You prayed for the holy land and you prayed for him. When you learned about how he won against saladin in a battle and how much despite his struggle was able to boost morale for his knights you grew to admire him but as you learned more about him you started to fall in love with him. Oh! How you wanted to be his bride and take care of him and be a nice a queen of Jerusalem. Someone who could stay with him and some one whom he could depend on, you requested your father that you wanted to marry the king of Jerusalem.

Your father was shocked "But don't you have ample suitors already some of them king themselves, why would you want to marry a leaper" "God has already shown his divine judgement on him" "He would die anyways within short period of time also you wouldn't have children with him what would be the point in marrying him" you didn't listen but kept pleading your father. Your father was stubborn in his decision so were your other family members. You tried getting help from close relatives but in vain. In desperation you tried contacting distant relatives but alas! The result was same. Except for one ambitious distant relative named Reynold de chatillon who wanted more power decided to use his political power and ended up convincing the king in marrying you. Baldwin iv was beyond enthralled to finally have a wife. To finally have some one whom he could spend his life with he quickly demanded your potrait and when he saw your potrait he was spellbounded . You were beyond beautiful. "A god's gift" he thought . That day he went to church and thanked the gods for giving him support and love. He ensured to get married to you as quickly as possible. He was caught often daydreaming of you. People close to him noticed and started to tease him but he didn't care. He was finally going to have some one as his wife. Before the wedding day he hardly slept. On the wedding day he was happy to finally to marry you. He was shy and you giggled at his shyness. He wanted to break the silence and asked"Where are your parents and siblings my love?" "Also I can't seem to find your relatives here" after hearing this you chocked back your tears and Baldwin iv immediately felt bad. "Nobody came since they don't support this marriage" "My only relative who supported this union couldn't show up". "He said he had his reasons." Baldwin iv internally chewed his cheeks since he suspected he knew what the reason was, Reynold de chatillon was probably at home drinking and celebrating his new found power. Baldwin iv decided not to think of it.

It's not like you are interested in power or throne you are only interested him. Someone who genuinely loves him. He was feeling shy under your gaze and excused himself for drink. He was happily drinking until he overheard his nobles gossiping "Isn't it obvious that this was a power grab move by Reynold de chatillon" "I am suprised that king couldn't realise it" another noble said that "leprosy is probably effecting him badly" "It must have reached his brain as well, he barely pays attention these days" third noble who joined their conversation added "Let's not forget that the king is so weak that he is going to be dominated by his wife" all three of them laughed at this and added how the king was unable to unite barons ever since his sister Sybilla married Guy of Lusignan. Also there were rumours how Raymond iii always secretly wanted the throne but the weak king who banished him knew he needed him so he welcomed him back to court. Baldwin iv was hurt after hearing this conversation. He also felt that about Raymond and banished him from court but remembered that he was only one capable to fend off guy until Baldwin v came of age so he made him regent for his nephew. He once again fell into his insecurity and thought "who would love him" internally. Perhaps you were forced to marry him by his ambitious relative.

He had few more drinks until his face flushed.He was walking staggeringly towards you. Before he reached you his tutor William of tyre stopped him. "You must remember to do your duties tonight" Baldwin iv after hearing this looked at him shocked and said "who would want to perform their duties with a decaying rotten body" his tutored looked at him furious and said "Your grace, you must try to understand that their are no suitable candidates for your crown" "Guy of Lusignan is can't help, your nephew is too young and also you don't have suitable relatives to take your crown as well as a result it is important to do your duty as quickly and effectively and possible or else we will loose this kingdom to your enemies as a result all of us present here will witness you consummate your marriage, by any miracle if your bride happens to be pregnant we will know for sure that it is yours" by now Baldwin iv had tears in his eyes being aware enough about the implication of those words. His tutor realising he made a mistake was about to apologise but he held up his hand to silence him. Immediately his shut his mouth and gave his king congratulations and left. Now Baldwin iv continued walking towards you staggeringly hoping no one would interrupt him this time. He still had hope that you would be different. He also wanted to do his duties as the rightful king of Jerusalem. He loved his country and wanted to retire early but alas! Nobody was capable enough to rule in his place which forced him to remain on throne. He desperately walked towards you seeking your warmth while reminding himself to fulfill his duties as king tonight and try to get you pregnant

You were happily chatting with some noble ladies until you realised that your husband was walking towards you with difficulty. He nearly fell before he reached towards you but quickly grabbed him before he hit the floor. You looked at him worried that made Baldwin iv happy to have some one care for him. Until he heard other nobles mocking and laughing at king for being weak and being dependent on his wife. Baldwin iv was furious. Meanwhile you having no idea what was going decided to check the temperature of king seeing how flushed he was, before you could touch his forehead the king grabbed your hand and stood up. You were confused by his behaviour, suddenly he pulled you closer by waist by another arm and the king started to kiss on front of everyone. Your heart thundered with joy and you forgot about everyone else in room. Baldwin iv noticed his tutor looking at him dissaprovingly but he said "I am the king" "I get to do what I want" "I will rail my bride in front of everyone and you will watch" Some nobles tried to flee the room but he ordered them in low voice"Stay" every one gulped and watched their king. Baldwin iv again started to kiss you but this time roughly and pushed you against the wall. He continued kissing you until he realised that you no longer can breath. Consumed in his drunk lust for you. His hands slowly went down and began playing with your breast you were both shocked and aroused to be fondled by your husband in front of everyone, for some reason you enjoyed it. While playing with your breast your husband whispered "Soon they will be filled with milk and you will be nurturing our babies" "I will watch you while you feed our baby knowing that I was the one who made you give birth to our children". He pulled your gown down enough for your nipples to exposed and started sucking on your nipples. "I wonder what it taste like" you chocked on your moan hearing this. You suddenly came out of your trance and noticed everyone staring at you

You were consumed with embarrassment and Baldwin iv noticed. Feeling jealous that others have you attention he stood up to gaze in your eyes grabbed your jaw. Making you look at him. "Don't you dare pay attention to other men while you are with your lord husband" . He said this time while playing with your pusssy over your clothes. You started moan his name out until you soon realised you were in public and started staring at other men. Baldwin iv hated when you looked at other men while he pleasured you. You were supposed to look at him! He hated loosing control of you in this situation. "Weak king" suddenly a voice echoed in his mind. He was no weak king, he thought. He grabbed you by arms and pulled you towards his throne. He threw you on his lap your ass on lap and making you lay like todder. You sqeaked and Baldwin iv said "this is your punishment for being disobedient to your lord husband" he continued spanking you while others watched astonished at their king. After he was soon done with your spanking he asked "Will you again be disobedient to your lord husband" after hearing this you replied both aroused and embarassed"No my lord". "If you disobey again you will regret it". You swallowed down your moan and replied "Yes my lord". Baldwin iv smilled at you and said "good girl". "Now strip facing me " you were embarrassed to do it in front of everyone but you had no choice and stripped. You were stripping slowly. "Faster we don't have all night" replied Baldwin iv. You quickly stripped in front of him now you were as naked as day you were born. Baldwin iv satisfied commanded "Come closer" you quickly walked towards him so that you don't anger the king. Baldwin iv was satisfied with your obedience. It has been so long he was finally feeling in power again. "Now strip me" your entire body felt heated up at suggestion but since you didn't want to anger the king you started stripping him with your trembling hands. You quickly removed his top.

You were at awe at his beautiful milky white skin. "He is well built man" you thought after seeing his muscles. You wanted to touch him but since you didn't want to anger the king so you decided to go against your wishes. You worked at his pants next and pulled his pants down. Now the king of Jerusalem sat in front of you nude in his throne. You were badly aroused at this point. Your legs trembled and you were leaking at the sight of the nude king sitting in front of you in his throne. Soon your legs gave out and you fell on ground on all fours. "Suck your king" he commanded. Without much hesitance you started you suck his cock. Baldwin iv was grateful that he could feel your mouth and started moaning. Meanwhile the nobles look at them with embarrassment while some women commented how their husband never make them moan like this. Some noble men were embarrassed at hearing their wife's comment. While some were green in envy knowing full were that their wives were lusting after king. Baldwin iv looked at scene in front of him with pride. He truly felt like a king at that moment. It truly felt good to be in control of the situation after so long. He soon moaned and came in your mouth. You happily drank his cum. Baldwin iv adorned how you drank all his cum without wasting a single drop. You truly wanted him. His heart filled with joy when he came to realisation. "Sit on my lap while facing me" he commanded. You quickly sat on his lap with his penis slowly gliding inside your vagina. Without a second warning he started thrusting inside you. He was going so rough! You loved every second of it. He kept on pounding inside your pusssy until he soon came. You moaned Baldwin iv named loudly for the whole whole to hear. You could feel is seeds getting inside your womb. Without giving you time to rest he turned you while sitting on his lap so that you were staring a nobles. He started thrusting you from behind. You moaned and arched your body.

Exposing your breast and vagina stuffed with Baldwin iv's cock. Baldwin iv enjoyed knowing he claimed you in front of everyone and continued thrusting inside of you in front of everyone. He penetrated you with his cock again. You slumped with your back forward and head down showcasing you were tired but Baldwin iv wasn't he soon started thrusting inside you with same position. You wanted to protest but couldn't dare to since you didn't want to disobey your king. After an hour of having sex on throne and cumming several times. You finally had courage to ask "My lord, please show me some mercy it has been an hour" Baldwin iv hearing this he replied "I am sorry love but I can't feel any sensation in penis" you both knew it was a lie. You also knew that Baldwin iv was getting hard again after cumming inside of you every time . "My married life is going to be so fun" Baldwin iv thought while thrusting inside you making you cum again and you begging him for mercy. "This is going to be long night" you all in hall thought as the night continued....

[kpopfanfictrash]

Love to Hate (Extra Scene IV: Jungkook’s POV)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Genre: Fuck Buddies / Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Jungkook / Reader

Synopsis: Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you've done your best to rid yourself of the taste since you were old enough to walk. Occasionally though, your mother manages to rope you into an obligatory function – or a blind date with playboy billionaire, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook stands for everything you loathe about the world you left behind, but you can’t deny the spark of attraction between you. Intrigued by the promise of mutual satisfaction, you agree to one night in bed… and quickly realize you’re in far, far deeper than you ever intended.

Author’s Note: This scene takes place after the Epilogue of Love to Hate and is told from Jungkook’s point of view. There is no corresponding scene from Y/N’s POV. PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE STORY BEFORE READING THIS SCENE (otherwise there will be many spoilers lol).

Rating: 18+

Warnings: some dirty talk, but not actual sex

Word Count: 4,605

“There’s no way that man is single.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I mean, look at him.” The woman behind Jungkook sighs. “A face like his? With a body like that? Wearing a suit that costs more than my rent? Yeah, no way someone hasn’t locked him down.”

A loud, jarring slurp signals the end of a drink. “I don’t know,” says the other woman. “I feel like that suit is the exact reason he has to be single. No guy that rich or hot would ever marry so young.”

Lifting his newspaper, Jungkook hides a smile. Seated outside the sole coffee shop in Terminal C, he’s been nursing his Americano for the better part of an hour. Jungkook’s own fault for arriving at the airport early. Your plane wasn’t scheduled to land until one, but he wanted to be here in case.

Jungkook can practically hear your laughter in his mind. “In case what?” you’d tease. “In case the plane has an extra engine to help break the sound barrier? Or multiple people parachute out, giving us an extra boost?”

“Both of those things,” Jungkook would answer with a straight face. You’d shake your head, amused at having married someone so ridiculous and –

Clearing his throat, Jungkook forces himself to focus. What’s ridiculous is the fact that he daydreams about his wife when you’ve only been gone for three days. Although that’s three days too long, in Jungkook’s unbiased opinion.

Giving up on pretending to read, Jungkook lowers the paper to pull his phone from his pocket. Searching the screen, he sees nothing but the text you sent twenty minutes ago.

Y/N: Landed 😘 see you soon! [12:54 PM]

Nothing since then, and Jungkook frowns as he pushes a hand through his hair.

“See,” hisses the same woman behind him. “No ring!”

“That’s his right hand, Lauren.”

“Oh.”

Stifling laughter, Jungkook drains the rest of his coffee to push himself to stand. Folding the newspaper under one arm, he pats the front of his suit jacket to check for his wallet. Satisfied, he turns and casually lifts a brow.

Both women do an admirable job of pretending they haven’t been staring for the past fifteen minutes. Clearing his throat, Jungkook waits for one to look up from their phone.

“Married,” he says, lifting a hand to display his wedding ring. “Happily so. Have a good day, ladies.”

With that, he turns to stride across the floor. As he leaves, Jungkook hears a groan of embarrassment followed by bursts of laughter. Tossing his paper into the recycling, Jungkook stops at the flight board to confirm your landing.

The board says your flight reached the gate fifteen minutes ago, which causes Jungkook to frown. Usually, you’re the first off the plane and have reached him by now. Turning around, Jungkook scans the baggage claim and wonders if you’re there. Unlikely. You don’t usually check a bag for a trip of three days.

Stepping away from the board, Jungkook narrowly misses being run over by a man on a scooter. He’s about to call your cell phone when a fresh wave of people walks from the exit. Hurrying in this direction, Jungkook peers through the crowd and immediately spots your red coat – hand-selected by Mia, your daughter.

Even at five years old, Mia is a force to be reckoned with. Her opinions tend to be law, much to your despair. Spoiled by her father, you’ve sighed and Jungkook doesn’t deny it. He can admit when he’s the guilty party.

Lifting a hand, Jungkook is about to wave when he notices your expression and falters. Usually, that look on your face means you’re about to explode. Slightly alarmed, Jungkook searches for the culprit and pauses on a man walking at your side.

Tall, dark haired and handsome. Oddly familiar, although Jungkook can’t pinpoint why.

Usually, it amuses Jungkook to no end when other people hit on you. He enjoys the quiet security in knowing you’ll (politely) turn them down and return to Jungkook. A fact he takes pleasure in reminding you of later that night, spread out beneath him while you writhe in pleasure.

This time is different though because this time, you’re not smiling. Jungkook watches while your jawline tightens, yet another indication of your clear discomfort. Wheeling your carry-on, you nod silently at something the stranger is saying.

The moment the crowd thins, you spot Jungkook and brighten. This immediate contrast makes Jungkook’s gaze harden, moving once more to the man by your side. There are few people in this world who could make you – his ferocious wife – uncomfortable, and all of them reside on his personal shit list.

Your walking companion notices Jungkook at the same time, slowing his steps until he comes to a halt. Still, he doesn’t leave and Jungkook stamps down annoyance while crossing the hall. Soon, he’s within hearing distance and what he does overhear makes his stomach drop.

“… it’s just been so long, Y/N. I barely recognized you! Imagine, if I’d taken that later flight – or, God forbid, been forced to ride in economy.”

“Imagine,” you say flatly. The look on your face could easily be misconstrued as pleasant but Jungkook knows you well enough to know you’re screaming inside.

His lips twitch as he nears since clearly, your walking partner doesn’t.

“I feel like it’s a sign,” the man says, moving closer. When he reaches for your arm, Jungkook stiffens. “Running into you after so many years, like this. I always felt that–”

Immediately, you yank your arm back. “You thought what?” you demand. “That I’d forget about everything you did, Kameron? That it’d all disappear? That I wouldn’t have moved on with my life by now?”

Kameron’s gaze darkens, dipping briefly to your left hand. “Is this about… him?” he asks, barely audible.

Forcing his feet to stop, it takes all Jungkook’s willpower to keep himself out of it. You’d never forgive Jungkook if he rode in on his white horse to save you. You’re more than capable of handling one shitty ex-boyfriend.

Because that’s who this man is and why Jungkook finds him familiar – this is Kameron, your ex and recently promoted CEO of Moore Holdings. Jungkook has actually met him once before, although that was before the two of you started dating. He disliked Kameron back then; a dislike which deepened to hate once he heard your backstory.

Hands clenched into fists, Jungkook concentrates on feeling the bite of his nails on his palms. At least, he does until you glance over your shoulder, meeting his gaze with a pleading look. In a single stride, Jungkook has reached you and is extending his hand.

“Hello,” he says, waiting for Kameron to shake. With his other arm, Jungkook pulls you into his side. “Thank you for escorting my wife from her flight.”

You relax against him, and Jungkook’s barely contained anger bubbles beneath the surface. Your expression doesn’t shift, but Jungkook can feel the subtle change in your body. It’s the same way he feels whenever you stand beside him, offering support he didn’t know he needed.

One of Jungkook’s favorite memories is the time he ran into Liam Jessen at a conference and you politely told Liam you’d carve his eyeballs out with a spoon if he didn’t leave before lunch. He disappeared. Swiftly. Even Jungkook was chilled by your tone, and he swears up and down later that night was when your son, Jae, was conceived.

Narrowing slightly, Kameron’s gaze moves to Jungkook. He can practically see the wheels turning in your ex’s mind – the ring on your finger, his introduction as his wife – and gradually, Kameron’s expression tightens.

Jungkook lifts a brow. While you’re more than capable of handling people, Jungkook knows you haven’t seen Kameron since the night you broke up. Somehow, you managed to avoid meeting over the years – until now. Granted, that was years ago and you’ve moved on since then, but Jungkook knows better than others how some wounds can linger.

A lone muscle tics in Kameron’s jaw. “Hey,” he says, extending his hand to shake. “Kameron Moore. CEO of Moore Holdings.”

Gripping him tightly, Jungkook says, “Jeon Jungkook. Y/N’s husband and CEO of Jeon Energy.”

Jungkook sees your lips twitch, the way they always do when he introduces himself as your husband first. It’s true, though – Jungkook would sell his company tomorrow if it meant keeping you.

Hearing his name has the desired effect and Kameron’s eyes widen. He tries to withdraw his hand, but Jungkook holds on, squeezing even tighter before letting go.

Casual, he takes a step backwards and reaches for your bag. Wheeling this to one side, Jungkook taps his fingers against the handle.

It isn’t often Jungkook pulls the name card but in moments like this, his surname feels almost worthwhile. Despite meaning nothing to him, Jungkook knows the name Jeon means a lot to people like Kameron.

“I – oh.” For a moment, Kameron seems as though he swallowed something bitter. His gaze darts to you. “I didn’t realize… your name was Y/N Y/L/N on your boarding pass, so I just assumed…”

“You just assumed what?” Jungkook says calmly. “That her marriage was a sham? That she wore a wedding ring to deter people from hitting on her? Even if that were true,” he adds, his expression stony, “that’s awfully bold to assume such a rule wouldn’t apply to you.”

Kameron bristles. “Y/N and I have a history, if you must know.”

“Oh, he knows,” you say drily, answering for him. Turning to Jungkook, you place a hand on his Kiton suit. “I’ll take it from here, babe.”

Inclining his head, Jungkook takes a step backward. He’s pleased to see the fire returned to your eyes – admittedly, this signal bodes poorly for Kameron. Jungkook would feel bad for him if Kameron weren’t the reason for half your trust issues.

“My husband is right,” you say with a smile. “Even if my ring were fake, what makes you think I’d want to talk to you?”

Floundering slightly, Kameron opens and shuts his mouth.

“Exactly,” you say, not waiting for a response. “I was polite to you during the flight. I sat across the aisle even though I was uncomfortable. I even engaged in small talk after putting my headphones in. Never mind that I only slept for three hours to get home early for my family. I tried to be nice to you,” you insist, lifting a brow. “But clearly, that was futile.”

Jungkook can feel a smile spreading over his face. It’s in moments like these when he’s infinitely glad you two are on the same team. And that you mostly use your powers for the good of humanity.

“Let me make something perfectly clear,” you continue. “Even if I weren’t happily married with kids, I’d have no interest in seeing you. Our relationship isn’t something I look back on fondly. I would say I hope you’re doing well but really, I don’t. Moore Holdings is a predatory and shitty excuse for a company. I hope it goes under. Stay healthy, I guess,” you say with a shrug. Turning to Jungkook, you hold out your arm. “Shall we?”

Jungkook just nods, slipping his hand through your own to head for the doors. He doesn’t spare a backwards glance but is sure if he did, he’d find your ex-boyfriend left speechless. You tend to have that effect on people.

Gripping your carry-on bag, he wheels this towards the pick-up lane at Terminal C. Your driver is waiting, idling at the curb.

Stepping outside, you pause and tip your head back. “God,” you groan, before starting to laugh. “What a mess.”

Handing your bag to your driver, Jungkook steps closer and places his hands on your arms. Tugging you towards him, he watches your eyes open.

“Hey,” he says, smiling downward.

“Hi.” Softly, you return the gesture. “Can I just say you’re a sight for sore eyes? I was stuck with that asshole for five hours, listening to him brag about a conference he just spoke at for two hundred people.”

Jungkook can’t hide his smirk. “Little did he know, he was bragging to EnergyCon’s keynote speaker.”

You lightly scoff, but he can tell that you’re pleased. EnergyCon is the largest energy conference in the country and the site of your latest work trip. You led two days of seminars before finishing the week by giving the keynote address. Clean Ocean has never been a small organization, but recent successes have shot your message to the forefront of the industry.

Still, Jungkook scans your face for any sign of discomfort. Although you seem okay, he knows better than most how old scars can linger.

“I’m fine,” you say softly, reading his mind. “Promise.”

Giving a small smile, Jungkook steps back to open the car door. “You can’t blame me for worrying,” he says as you slide inside. “Are you sure? You don’t have to pretend.”

“I know,” you muse. “It’s strange, really. I’ve thought about it before – what I would say to Kameron if I ever saw him again.”

“Oh?” Following your lead, Jungkook shuts the car door. “And what was the plan? Fiery vengeance? Complete cold shoulder?”

Laughing a little, you set your purse down. Resting your head on the seat, you turn sideways to face him. Jungkook takes your hand again, unable to let go for too long.

“I thought about both,” you admit. “But then I saw Kameron, and everything flew out the window. Everything I’d planned to say seemed suddenly… silly isn’t the right word. Unimportant? There’s a part of me that will always be angry at him for what he did. And with myself, for letting him.”

Jungkook’s frown deepens when the car pulls from the curb. “I don’t think you let him do anything, Y/N.”

Thoughtful, you nod. “I guess. Anyways, Kameron started talking and it just became clear to me that he hadn’t changed. At all. Kameron cares so much about what others think of him. He needs validation from everyone, which is honestly exhausting. It just made me think that even if he hasn’t changed, I have. Which seems like a fitting ending.”

Jungkook’s lips quirk. “Plus, you know, you got to tell him his company was shit.”

At this, you let out a laugh. “Yeah, that was pretty great. Turns out, I’ve only matured to a point.”

“I like that point,” Jungkook says, using your hand to tug you closer. Draping your legs over his thighs, he removes your shoes to set on the floor. “I also don’t agree that maturity means always turning the other cheek. Sometimes, it means standing up for yourself. Or… for example, telling an asshole when they are one.”

Your laughter becomes a groan when Jungkook presses his thumb to the ball of your foot, and he glances to ensure the partition is up. Slumped against the leather seat, you squint at Jungkook in suspicion.

“What do you want?” you grumble.

He flashes an innocent smile. “What makes you think I want something?”

You struggle to sit up, failing halfway and sinking. “Because you’re using pressure points against me – oh,” you exhale when he kneads your foot.

Deftly, Jungkook continues to work on your arches. “Maybe what I want is for my beautiful wife to relax after her flight.”

You snort. “And?”

“And…” Jungkook pauses, then sighs. “How do you always know?”

“Call it mother’s intuition.”

“Unfair. All I got as a dad was bad hearing.”

“Don’t forget your vision,” you say helpfully. “That’s gotten worse, too.”

Jungkook shoots you a look that makes you giggle before pulling you closer. “Come here,” he growls, wrapping his arms around you. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he exhales, “I missed you.”

He feels when you soften. “I missed you too, baby.”

A long moment passes, and then –

“But you’re not going to make me forget. What happened?”

Lips twitching, Jungkook pulls away. “Nothing happened,” he insists. “Or nothing bad happened. I may have forgotten to send Jason a birthday gift like you asked. I’ll send one tonight! As soon as we get home.”

“That’s okay,” you murmur, smoothing your thumb over his cheekbone. “I knew you’d forget, so I already sent one.”

Jungkook’s jaw drops.

Seeing his face, you start to laugh. “What?”

“Betrayal!” he blurts.

“You forgot!” you protest, lowering your head to rest on his shoulder.

“I know,” Jungkook huffs. “Very sneaky of you.”

“Jason would’ve been despondent if his favorite brother-in-law missed his birthday. I’m just trying to protect you, here.”

“I’m his only brother-in-law, babe.”

“Exactly. Doubly tragic if you forgot.”

Jungkook laughs, slipping two fingers beneath your chin to tilt your face to his. Brushing your lips with a kiss, he feels familiar heat spread down his spine. Your lips part beneath his, tongue flicking in a way that sends blood to his cock. Dropping his head, Jungkook begins to kiss down your throat.

When he bites down, you shudder and your hands fist in his jacket. Jungkook’s grip tightens on your waist when you moan his name. Returning to your mouth, he nips your lower lip before soothing it with a kiss.

“Jungkook,” you pant, gripping the base of his hair.

“Yeah?”

His hand roams your spine, relearning your body. Only three days and still, he’s missed you. Missed the sound of your sleep beside his, your laughter in the morning and wry looks exchanged over weird things the kids do.

Your exhale is shaky. “We should stop,” you murmur, gaze fixed on his lips.

Jungkook smirks. “Should we?”

“Yeah.”

“And why is that?”

“Because.” Torn, you glance forward. “We’re on our way to get the kids, and there’s no way we have time to do everything I want before then.”

Despite the situation in Jungkook’s pants, he’s forced to agree. As appealing as car sex sounds right now, Seokjin and Yoongi’s home isn’t far from the airport. Falling backwards, Jungkook exhales to blow hair from his face.

Laughing a little, you smooth the strands away. “Where are the kids, anyways?”

Eyes wide, Jungkook glances around the backseat. “Oh, shit. I knew I forgot something.”

“Ha-ha. The real answer?”

He chuckles. “They’re with Seokjin and Yoongi.”

Your brows shoot upward.

“Yoongi is the primary caretaker,” Jungkook assures. “Seokjin is more of… entertainment.”

“Perfect,” you sigh, returning your head to his shoulder. “I told Mia the type of karaoke machine Seokjin has only works in their neighborhood, but I don’t think she bought it. We might have to get her one for her birthday.”

Jungkook shakes his head, resting his hand on your knee. “She’s too smart for her own good, you know. Takes after you.”

“Sure does. Except Mia has a beautiful voice and I have the singing ability of a drunk walrus.”

“Are they known for their singing, or…?”

“Nope. Mustaches get in the way.”

Jungkook laughs, turning to press a kiss to your brow. “Later, though,” he murmurs, dropping his voice. “Once the kids are asleep, I plan to make up for these nights apart. Who knows? Maybe we’ll create that third kid we’ve talked about.”

Mischievous, you glance upward. “I don’t know… you’d have to put in some serious work for that to happen.”

Lifting a brow, Jungkook’s grip on you tightens. “I think I did a pretty good job of getting you pregnant with the first two.”

“Mm, but that was ages ago,” you sigh, head tipping backwards when Jungkook kisses your neck. “Back then, you were so young and spry. Now, you wear sensible shoes to the gym. Do you really think you have the stamina?”

“We’re in a moving vehicle,” he murmurs, low in your ear. “Which is the only reason I’m not fucking you to prove you wrong. Bet your pussy is wet just thinking about it, huh? Want me to spread these pretty legs and check, princess?”

Your breath hitches, chest rising and falling as his grip slides up your thigh. Jungkook brushes close to your center, maddeningly close and still not enough. Some people say desire diminishes with age and in some respects, Jungkook understands. That initial, frantic burst of sex diminishes but Jungkook doesn’t view it as a bad thing. That burst is replaced by trust, the knowledge that physical intimacy isn’t a replacement for intimacy of all kinds.

Not that the physical intimacy is gone, of course. That connection Jungkook feels when you touch him remains unchanged. A single look does more to turn him on than anyone else ever has.

Lifting a hand, you cup his jaw and scan his face.  “Unfair,” you complain. “Unfair for you to get better-looking with age when you were already hot to start. You know, I overheard some moms at Mia’s preschool calling you a DILF the other day.”

Jungkook tries, and fails, to hide his grin. “Oh, really?” he asks, returning his lips to your neck. “And what do you think, Y/N? Am I a dad” – his teeth scrape your throat – “you’d like” – his grip on your thigh tightens – “to fuck?”

“Yes,” you groan, arching into him. “Fuck. I mean, who am I to judge those moms for their impeccable taste? I’m the only one who gets to fuck you, so it’s really their loss.”

“Besides,” Jungkook adds. “You’re one to talk. Every time we go somewhere with the kids, I leave for one second and am forced to fend off all your admirers when I return.”

“What can I say? People know a good thing when they see it.”

“So do I,” he growls, low in your ear. “Which is why I proposed six months into dating. Are you kidding? There’s no way I’m messing this up.”

“I know. Me neither.”

Jungkook stares at you, silently warring with an internal dilemma. “I planned this all wrong,” he admits on a sigh. “I should’ve told Seokjin and Yoongi you landed at three.”

A laugh escapes as you open your eyes. “No, this is better. You know me – I want to see our babies.”

“Not babies anymore,” Jungkook says mournfully. “Jae turns two next month.”

“I know.” Drily, you arch a brow. “Having had the pleasure of pushing him out myself. And they’ll always be my babies. They’ll just have to deal.”

“Well.” Jungkook kisses your forehead. “At least they’ll have something to talk about in therapy.”

Huffing a laugh, you lightly punch his shoulder. Jungkook grabs you halfway, intertwining your hands for the rest of the trip. Despite what you said, it’s been a long trip and a few minutes later, you’re asleep on his shoulder. Pulling into the drive, Jungkook debates whether to wake you but decides you’d be more upset if you missed the kids.

“Wake up, princess,” he murmurs, unbuckling your seatbelt. “We’re here.”

Sleepily, your eyes open and you stare at the house visible through the side window. “Oh!” you blurt as you straighten. “Did I fall asleep?”

“Mhm,” Jungkook says, grabbing your purse. “You needed it. Do you want to stay in the car while I get the kids?”

“Nope,” you scoff, already opening your door. “Don’t you dare.”

Shaking his head, Jungkook follows you up the drive to Yoongi and Seokjin’s home. It’s a beautiful, contemporary style house built into the cliffs overlooking the ocean. For this very reason, Jungkook has barred Mia from playing outdoors but has the sneaking suspicion Seokjin lets her anyways. He’s a sucker for Mia’s big eyes and quivering lower lip.

Reaching the entrance, you ring the bell and stand back at the sound of thundering footsteps. The front door flings open.

“MOMMY!”

Jae is the first one outside, tripping over himself to reach you. Luckily, you catch him before he can fall. “Hi, munchkin!” you gush, swinging him upwards. “You’re getting so, so big! Did Yoongi feed you dessert for breakfast again?”

This last sentence is followed by a look at Yoongi, who’s appeared in the doorway. Yoongi shrugs, crossing his arms to lean against the frame.

Shaking his head, Jae wraps his tiny fingers around your wrist. “Nooo. He said that’s bad. Mommy, what’s ‘adult time?’”

Freezing, you glance once more at Yoongi, who seems momentarily flustered while searching for what to say.

“Uh… I’ll take Jae,” Jungkook says, hastily reaching out to transfer him to his hip. The look on your face has turned slightly ominous. “Adult time is the time when adults hang out and do adult things. Right, Yoongi?” he adds, widening his eyes.

“Uh, right.” Yoongi bobs his head. “That’s correct.”

“Oh.” A tiny wrinkle forms in Jae’s brow. “The adults play games?”

“Lots and lots of them,” Jungkook says, tossing a wink in your direction.

Rolling your eyes, you step through the front door, but Jungkook can tell that you’re smiling. “Where’s Mia?” you call.

“In the basement with Seokjin.”

Following suit, Jungkook glances around the vaulted foyer. A few years ago, when Yoongi bought this place, the walls were full of his trophies and Seokjin’s travel mementos. Now, they’re pseudo-uncles to both their kids and Hoseok’s, forcing them to baby-proof in each way imaginable. Breakable items are set on high shelves, sharp corners are sanded down and electrical sockets are covered.

As they head for the basement, Jungkook sees a black shape slink around the corner.

Reaching upward, Jae grabs the shell of Jungkook’s ear. “Mr. Whiskers is mean,” he attempts to whisper, but comes out at normal volume.

Mr. Whiskers is the name of the cat Yoongi has had for over ten years and is famously standoffish with anyone that’s not his owner.

Yoongi’s lips twitch. “He’s just scared we’ll like you better than him, Jae,” he offers. “And he should be! At least you tell us when you’ve gone poop.”

Jae giggles at the word poop, causing Jungkook to mock-gasp and cover his son’s ear. Following you to the basement, Jungkook stops short at the base of the stairs.

Mia and Seokjin are singing karaoke – again – but this time they’ve added make-up and costumes. Glitter has been smeared over Mia’s cheeks and she dances around the room in a neon blue tutu. Seokjin is similarly bedazzled, pink dotting each temple and every time his hair shakes, more glitter falls out. The song is a pop song that overplayed on the radio but despite this, Jungkook can’t help but grin.

Spinning around, Mia spots you mid-twirl. “MOMMY!” she cries, the sound reverberating when she forgets she’s holding the microphone. Dropping this on the ground, Mia launches herself around the couch and into your arms.

“Hi, baby!” you laugh, bending down for a hug.

Mia presses her cheek to your leg, glitter rubbing off on your pants, but you don’t seem to mind. Eyes closed, you hug her back as you rock to and fro.

Jungkook’s heart melts as he watches. Sometimes, his luck feels slightly overwhelming. When your eyes open and meet his over Mia’s shoulder, Jungkook knows you feel the same. It’s hard not to pinch himself to ensure it’s all real. To confirm he won’t wake up tomorrow in that cold, dead apartment he used to have.

Fingers tightening in Jungkook’s hair, Jae gurgles his laughter and Jungkook’s cheeks hurt from smiling. Mia takes you by the hand, dragging you to the couch to show off her routine. Joining the group, Jungkook bounces Jae to the beat while Mia squeals in delight, holding out her mic for Jae to yell, “AHHHHH!”

It’s a brand of chaos only your kids could create and Jungkook knows that, deep down, it’s something he’ll never be without again. He’ll make sure of it.

© kpopfanfictrash, 2023. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[oohbuggypie]

bulldon ramble? **sad violin music**

WHO SENT THIS . SHOW URSELF . BULLDON MENTION THE WORLD STARTED SPINNING I GOT DIZZY AND DOUBLED OVER IN STOMACH PAIN INDUCED BY PURE JOY . BullDon augghh yuughhhh ugh ough ouhh ... taking poison damage because i love them so much . where do i start .

have u seen my ridiculously long post about BullDon already ? bcuz if u haven't it's linked and i think u might love that 🩷 HOWEVER BullDon runs in my veins and i think i can contribute even more to this so ramble NOW!! adding a below cut because i wanna explain the story behind the central headcanon so it may get a leeeetle long + i know some people don't care for ship talk 🩷

okay one of my headcanons mentioned in a previous post is that Don absolutely loves vintage cars . he doesn't exactly care for working on/the restoration of vehicles bcuz he isn't a big fan of spending all that money he cant spare on the correct parts, as well as the hyperspecific research that goes into it .. but that man is head over heels for an old Chevy Bel Air Convertible, particularly one with a glossy red exterior and a cream interior. like that's his dream car above all else, and it's something he's wanted since he was 20

anooother headcanon of mine i believe ive mentioned is that Bull has MONEY! considering that he's a world circuit professional boxer, he gets around in a limousine in his comic strip, and is canonically a celebrity ,, why wouldn't he be at least a LITTLE rich ?? however, despite those riches, he doesn't seem to flaunt it , let alone be the type to rub it in others' faces

so between these two headcanons and incorporating my own culture into my fav things .... i think that throughout their "relationship" (lts unlabeled, they just kiss on each other and r quietly in love), as they got closer and got to know each other more, Bull observed the fact that Don would become ecstatic over any old cars that passed them he on the streets . when Don would see them, he'd make remarks about their beauty and how admirous he was of anybody who owned such treasures. Bull had always cared and been fascinated by Don's love for the cars, but he had never taken into account that he may have a desired one of his own. so one day, amidst Don's ramblings, Bull asked him what HIS favorite kind of vintage car was and why. he knew Don would be happy to share, and Bull was genuinely just interested and wanted to know more- but not only did he simply want to know of his interests and passions - he def had a lil smthn in mind ..

upon learning of the Bel Air Convertible, Bull began spending copious amounts of any spare time he got researching this car; all of its parts, all the models and the years they were released, the special features and their availability in the current times .. any and everything anybody knew about that car, he made sure he knew more. he was determined to buy this car for Don as means to express his love and care for not only him, but his hobbies and happiness .

seeing that Bull spent a majority of his time in New York due to his regarded position in the World Circuit and Don's lesser (but still significant) position in the Major Circuit, having time to freely search around uninterrupted, let alone secretively, was next to impossible . it stressed him out for sure .. until about two months after he learned about Don's dream car; Don informed the WVBA and Bull personally that he would be returning home to Madrid for a month's time to reconcile with his family after being separated for the sake of his career for such large bouts of time. it broke Bull's heart to be separated from someone he loved for such a long period, but at the same time this was his desperately needed opportunity to begin searching for anybody in possession of the car, and figure out how long it would take him to both get work done on it and have it be functional

GETTING TO THE MAIN POINT IM SPEEDING THIS SHIT UP CUZ IM SOO TIRED + HAVE TO BE OUT OF HERE IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES + I DONT WANNA BORE U 😭

as afore mentioned, the cost of this car (absolute minimum now is about 36k , so i believe 25k? in 2009) wasn't a deathly problem for Bull; he took every step he had to no matter the cost to get the Bel Air properly repaired. when it came time for the paint job, he had to consider just what KIND of red Don really wanted and how it may make or break not only the beauty, but the sentiment of this car. it was the most nerve-racking factor of the entire process; but after some thought he settled for a Cola red. and sure enough, when the time came that Don returned to New York, there aren't words true enough to describe how hard Don cried and how joyous he was for such thought in his name. He couldn't hug or kiss Bull enough, but he could do ONEE thing that would solidify their love

Don taught Bull about cruising and the "culture" of lowriders !!!!!! this is exactly the reason he wanted this car; to cruise with somebody he loves down any and every street they could, in daylight and at night. he made playlists of music he inserted into a drive so that he could have his favorite music play on the radio while they drove about. he taught Bull all about the love that goes into these cars, the love that goes into cruising, and even the love they'd receive from people on the streets when they saw them. Don got to drive the car first, no doubt about that; but his intention never was to hog it! he wanted Bull to learn how to cruise and when the best times were, and eventually he perfected the position in which he drove so that it was no longer just "driving" to him; it was about the love, the smoothness, and the memories it would make

they adore the day drives in summertime an indescribable amount, but their favorite cruises are the ones at night through the downtown roads. that's when the lack of seat belts in old vehicles let Don slide close to Bull and lean on his shoulder, and when they pulled into and parked wherever they resided for the night he could put his hand to Bull's chest and kiss his cheek 🩷

OMG I AM SO LATE TO THIS ONE ANON I AM SO SORRY ! I SAW IT THE SECOND ÌT GOT SUBMITTED BUT IVE BEEN BUSY AS HELL !! BUT FINALLY HEREEE i hope this wasn't too long or too short or tewww boring BUT ITS ONE OF MY DEAREST BULLDON HEADCANONS 🩷 I HOPE U LOVE IT AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK 🥹

[heysatori]

Can you write about the Bakusquad, you know each of them, where y/n has been through a lot of heartbreaks and is unsure about relationships, but they reassure y/n that they won't do that and everything will be fine? And maybe a little fluff in the end for good measure.

Bakusquad reacting to y/n being scared of getting into a relationship genre: fluff, angst pairings: Bakugou x reader, Kirishima x reader, Sero x reader, Kaminari x reader, Ashido x reader a/n: sorry i responded to this a little late! all ive been doing is watching minecraft streams, watching anime and sleeping while balancing school work ehe (⌒_⌒;) but thank u sm for the request ! i hope this satisfies ur request ! disclaimer that the pictures im using arent mine ! they are from heroacacaps ! so credits to them ! if u guys want to scream at me u can dm me here or on my twitter ! @kodzusan (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ im still accepting requests

Bakugou Katsuki

both you and bakugou were scared of relationships for different reasons

bakugou was scared because he knew how rough he was around the edges, if he was even fit to be in nice relationship 

you on the other hand were scared of relationships because of the amount of heartbreaks youve been through 

you were cheated on, broken up with, ghosted, and just left hanging 

after all those mistakes you learned ur lesson ! 

so after having bakugou come up to you, courting you in the nicest way possible (giving you a bowl of your favorite food), you didnt know how to react 

on surface level, katsuki had quite a few red flags here and there 

but since you had gotten to know the boy a little better over the course of time, you learned to understand why he is the way he is 

you trusted bakugou 

so having him court you was surprising 

although u had the fattest crush on him, you still didnt know what to do

so instead of refusing him with no reason, you explained your past to him (parts of which he already knew) 

he understood completely, all he wanted was to treat you right and make you happy !! 

“listen y/n, i know im a little rough around the edges, but i promise you that i wont do any of that stupid shit to you! all of your exes are absolute fuckin’ dumbasses for doing that to you and im here to treat you right and make you the happiest youve ever been! if you’ll let me” 

ヽ( `д´*)ノ <- he blushes a little at the end

although wary, u trust him 1000% !! 

so you accept his offer !! 

hes pretty shocked that you accepted and instantly pulls you in a hug ! 

“thank you, i promise you fucking wont regret this”

Kirishima Eijirou 

you had honestly fallen for eijirou the moment you met him 

but with your considerable bad love life you decided against pursuing after him 

but u couldnt help but feel urself get drawn towards him ! 

and surprise surprise ! you two become great friends ! 

but as time passes by, ur feelings for him become stronger, which is the total opposite of what u wanted  (╯︵╰,)

so its an even bigger surprise when kirishima comes up to you with your favorite flower, asking you to be his significant other 

he was so sweet but u were too scared to get into another relationship ! 

even though u and ur exes were in middle school at that time, those things still hurt you 

you explain all of this carefully to the redhead, not wanting to hurt his feelings 

he feels tears spring to his eyes as you tell him about your past 

he just wants to make you happy ! 

so without thinking, he pulls you into a hug 

“im so sorry that happened to you! you dont have to get with me if your scared! but just know that i wont ever, ever do those things to you! all i want is to make you happy, but its alright if you say no, ill still be here for you no matter what” 

overwhelmed with emotions, you end up tearing up as well, melting in his bear hug 

not wanting to make such a rash decision in the height of your emotions you tell the red head you’ll think about it (strongly hinting that you want to say yes)

Sero Hanta 

sero is a very chill man so your attraction to him was a little unexpected 

but you admire him a lot for a lot of things that he does !

u keep ur attraction to him on the down low though 

it felt a little one sided for a while

you two barely interacted and he didnt even look at you most of the time 

but your relationship with him took a sudden turn and u two became close friends !

you two bonded over mangas that you both read, occasionally spending time in his room to read the latest releases together !

one day, sero invited you to his room to read a romance manga he found out about a few days prior 

you come over and end up sharing the book since you didnt have ur own copy 

when you and sero reach a panel where the main characters aka the lovebirds finally kissed for the first time, the tall boy looked over to you 

“wish i could do this with you” he said gently 

NOTHING could explain how surprised u were !! 

“are you serious?” 

“of course i am” 

at this you explain to sero that although you reciprocate the feelings, relationships are a little rocky for you considering your past relationships 

sero wraps an arm around you and pulls you to his side, burying his nose in the side of your head 

“thats fine, you dont have to say yes, just you knowing that i like you is good enough for me, just know that i wouldnt ever think about doing those stupid things to you, but if i can make you happy now, then im already doing a great job” 

Kaminari Denki 

kaminari was a very sociable boy !! so it was impossible that you two werent friends after a few months you start to notice the way your cheeks tend to heat up when ur around the blond 

other people were also very aware at how when you and kaminari were together, both of you became blushing messes 

they didnt talk about it though 

they wanted the two oblivious dumbasses to figure it out themselves - ehem bakugou 

one day though, kaminari comes knocking at your door, looking ridiculously shy 

“uhm hi! i uh, i was, uhm, wondering if you maybe wanted to date me?” 

before you could even process what he said, he immediately took it back 

“wait no! uhm well i mean i like you a lot, thats why im asking! like a lot alot! i love your smile and your laugh and everything and i just, like making you happy, it makes me super duper ultra happy!”

although u want to accept denkis offer, your horrible dating life was looming over you

with this, you quietly tell denki that you dont think relationships are your thing 

he doesnt hesitate to ask you why !

you unwillingly tell him about your stupid relationships and hes quick to retaliate your self degrading words 

“hey! you arent stupid alright? you were young, things have changed! you’ve changed! i dont wanna force you into anything but just know, even if im a dumbass i wont treat you like that, ever! in fact, ill even be the best relationship youve ever had!” 

he pulls you into a hug not long after, squeezing you tight against his chest

“i trust you, sure, ill date you” (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

Ashido Mina 

mina is a very determined person !

so when she wants something, she’ll get it one way or another 

so when she realized her big fat crush on you, she knew immediately that she wanted to date you 

and it wasnt just something about you, it was everything about you!

the way you stand, laugh, smile, talk, even if ur just sitting at your desk nodding off into sleep, she still thinks your the most amazing person ever (￣ε￣＠)

she doesnt hesitate to approach you after she is absolutely SURE about her feelings towards you

youre shocked of course, but you couldnt deny that you harbored feelings towards mina either 

you reluctantly tell her that although the feelings were mutual, you were still scared of getting into a relationship 

she listens carefully as u tell her about your past, rubbing your arm as comfort as you reveal a few of your insecurities 

“you didnt deserve any of that, i hope you know that! you dont have to say yes or anything, i dont want you to feel forced or pity, but i can treat you so much better that all of those jackasses! but we dont have to date for that, i can still do those things as a loving and good friend!” 

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

The Critique of Manners Part IV

~Or~

A Very Amused Review of Emma (1972)

One doesn’t really know where to begin with this one. I’ve watched a few of these 70’s/80’s period drama adaptations, but I’ve never written a review for one. I think the tricky thing is it doesn’t feel fair to judge them against more recent adaptations because the approach and quality are so very different to modern television making.

But people do. I’m sure it’s different for people who grew up watching these, who are just used to them and their objectively terrible, stagey quality and can look past that particular weakness on the sheer power of nostalgia.

So I’m going to try and find a middle-ground here where I ignore the stagey and obviously dated aspects and judge it primarily on its value as an adaptation – is it faithful to the book?

Let’s dive in.

Cast & Characterization

Normally I would start with Emma and Knightley but this time I’m gonna switch it up a bit and do them last because… well we’ll get there in a bit.

Let’s start instead with Mr. Woodhouse. I have to say, I kind of like this take. The 1996-7 and 2009 adaptations all kind of went for the same type of older man: a bit stout, or in Michael Gambon’s case… however you would describe Michael Gambon. With Donald Eccles, however, this version goes for a rather more frail looking Mr. Woodhouse; in fact to compare him to any recent Mr. Woodhouse, I suppose he comes closest to Bill Nighy (although the general characterization is of course very different.)  He’s a ridiculous but lovable soul who seems always, of course, worried about his own health and comfort, but in his own selfish way, concerned for his friends and family as well. My only complaint is that maybe they over-utilized him.

I thought the casting of a plump Mrs. Weston (Ellen Dryden) was an interesting choice, and definitely different from other versions. Her acting was actually really good too.

I wasn’t quite so pleased with the characterization of Mr. Weston, on the other hand. I have huge issues with this script vis-à-vis the men, but Mr. Weston and Knightley in particular. The problem with Mr. Weston is how he’s written as just verging on uncouth at some points. There are way too many rustic contractions here: “Ain’t I looking well too, Miss Emma?!’ “’Ark at that eh? The sly young rogue!” “Oh I think it looks tolerably gay and festive, don’t it?” and then just throwing himself back on the grass and chortling when Emma makes her fateful Box Hill faux pas? Like, what the hell? I’m not saying he shouldn’t use a few casual contractions (“How d’you do?” for example) but he seems almost like a positive country bumpkin and I don’t think it’s appropriate; he doesn’t talk like that in the book and I’m just all-around not here for it.

Constance Chapman, a well-respected character actress of the time was cast as Miss Bates, while Molly Sugden, of Are You Being Served? fame was WASTED in the bit-part of Mrs. Goddard. If you ask me, they should have swapped this casting, since I think Sugden, an outstanding comedienne, could have done so much more with the Miss Bates role than the usual wittery-old-lady style chattering Chapman delivered.

Mr. Elton was played by Timothy Peters (Right) and was, eh, adequate. They did slime him up a bit by having him over-eagerly offer to fix Emma’s bootlace, which she points out isn’t entirely appropriate for a man to do, especially the vicar and it’s pretty funny; but other than that, he has all the appearance of being a pleasant young man, as Mr. Elton should – becoming less pleasant as the story progresses.

One John Alkin (left) played Mr. Robert Martin, and he, too, was adequate. There’s not much of him and, since Mr. Martin wasn’t one of those characters this version decided to approach more three-dimensionally, there’s not much to say about him. 

Frank Churchill is… OMG IT’S PRINCE HARRY FROM BLACKADDER!

Ahem. Yes, Robert East (BETTER KNOWN AS PRINCE HARRY FROM BLACKADDER) plays a very agreeable (and smarmy, but not too smarmy) Frank. I think honestly this is as good as this part could get in the 70’s, although at 29 he was a little too old for the part.

John and Isabella, in an interesting (?) casting choice, were played by brother and sister duo, Yves and Belinda Tighe. I actually really liked Yves’s John Knightley (he’s actually one of the more handsome John’s, in a 70’s kind of way; for note-taking purposes I have nicknamed him “Not-Harrison-Ford”), but his sister as Isabella seemed kind of old and had just a really annoying voice. Also she doesn’t look at all like Doran Godwin, and Emma and Isabella are supposed to look somewhat alike.

The real casting stand out for me in this version is Fiona Walker as Mrs. Elton, although she too was a little old for her role, I’ve said before that there are no bad Mrs. Eltons (only bad accents) and she just absolutely nailed the insufferable chatter to a definitive standard (until the recent adaptations – 2009 onward).

I did however, get the feeling in this version that they kind of wrote in a through-line where Mrs. Elton is putting the moves on Mr. Knightley (to the point where they actually wrote out Mr. Elton from scenes he should be in) which was one of those unnecessary deviations which made me raise an eyebrow and also was just… weird.

Now my question is – why do all of the young women in this series kind of look like evil dolls?

Debbie Bowen, from a strictly book accuracy perspective is one of the most accurate Harriet Smiths I’ve seen – in fact we don’t get another this accurate (to my way of thinking) until Louise Dylan in 2009, who fits roughly the same model (fair and shapely). Its Bowen’s acting I don’t like, but I know that in the 70’s, this kind of simpering acting for this kind of character was just unavoidable. It was the style at the time, so I’m cutting her a break critically; but the performance just doesn’t cut it for me.

This Jane Fairfax (played by Ania Marson) is not my favorite interpretation of this character. At first I thought she was going to be alright, but in her first scene she bursts out and actually shouts in frustration at her chattering aunt (which she has some basis for, I’ll admit, since Miss Bates, in her muddle-headed way, could very well have unwittingly spilled the beans about Jane and Frank) but this is far more feeling than we should even have a hint of from Jane at this point. The whole reason Emma doesn’t like Jane (other than the fact that Emma is an attention whore and Jane steals her thunder by being so admired and accomplished) is because she’s timid and demure and reserved.

But the biggest problem I have with this Jane is that she can’t even fucking sing. I know they write it away as her having a sore throat (Which I think is a pull from a different part of the book?) but this was just egregiously bad to me. This is the only time in the series they show Jane singing so it’s never actually established that Jane really is more accomplished than Emma (although they don’t show Emma herself singing or even playing at all either.) Could the actresses just not sing well so they decided to write around it? You could have dubbed it; you had that technology in the 70’s!

OK. Now it’s time to talk about Doran Godwin. I’ve never seen her in anything else so I don’t know if it’s just that she can’t act, but I have no idea what she was going for with this portrayal of Emma, and this is something so consistent and unique to her that I, for once, can’t justify blaming it solely on the director because you can’t direct crazy-eyes. They just happen; and they happen A LOT in this series.

I’ve struggled to find the words to sufficiently describe my feeling about Doran Godwin’s facial expressions and her acting in this adaptation. In my ribbon rating notes I think I describe her as a “witchy automaton”? I stand by it. Every time she talks to someone her eyes go very wide and she sort of looks like she’s trying to hypnotize everyone in Highbury. The effect is just absolutely inhuman. I never thought I’d ever see anyone with more patently crazed Crazy-Eyes than Timothy “Crazy-Eyes” Dalton – but man, Doran “Hypno-Witch” Godwin just stole the prize. Perhaps she escaped from the set of a Doctor Who? telling of the story where Miss Woodhouse has been replaced by an android.

You have scenes such as this in episode 2 , where Harriet is trying to get Emma to acknowledge Mr. Elton calling after them as they walk past the vicarage, and Emma ignores her by mechanically continuing to talk, looking straight ahead with laser focus. Of course, Emma is intentionally ignoring Harriet because she wants Mr. Elton to follow them, but that wasn’t quite apparent to me until the end of her ramble – which I had assumed she was forced to complete due to some directive in her programming. I have more to say on her characterization, but we’ll get to that in a dedicated section of the review.

John Carson might actually be one of the better Knightley’s, but I’m sorry – at 45 he was just too old. This is something you can play around with in other characters (Mr. Weston and Miss Bates after all, have no stated ages in the book) but not only do we know how old Mr. Knightley is in the book, they state in the show that Emma is 21 (Doran Godwin was actually 28) and that Mr. Knightley is sixteen years older than her – 37 or 38 – and John Carson is CLEARLY no 38. This obviously-over-forty appearance does have an effect on how I view his banter with Emma, and it’s more avuncular than the older-brother feel that Mr. Knightley and Emma should have.

Whether by direction or actor’s choice, Carson’s Mr. Knightley speaks in a way that just doesn’t feel period to me. He has a very sort of 20th Century, stock British, hearty-good-fellow manner, that dates this adaptation pretty badly and feels old-fashioned (but not in a Regency/Georgian way) even in the 70’s.

Sets & Surroundings

Normally at this point in the review I would talk about the British manor houses and estates used and how they measure up to the book descriptions but the publicly funded BBC ran on a much tighter budget in the 70’s (apparent in the production values and number of obviously bad takes that they just decided to leave in, in everything they made) and as such they couldn’t afford to film in and rent out large estates quite as much, so this has the trademark 70’s/80’s BBC sound-stage quality of all of their other productions of the period. That said, this production actually has some of the better sets I’ve seen and that’s saying something, for being made in the 70’s. The walls didn’t actually shake when doors were closed, and it didn’t feel as stagey as some other Austen serials of the time. (This doesn’t improve the very “on-cue” acting in the series, but I have to give credit where it’s due.) I believe they may used a real manor house for the exterior of Hartfield (and not a landscape pastel) and maybe some of the interiors too? I can’t say for sure, and I would love to tell you what house and where it is but I can’t find any credits on it. I’ll just say that I think it’s very suitable and leave it at that.

Costumes

Much like today, the BBC almost exclusively used, re-used and rented costumes for their period productions. Almost every costume in this series was also used in the 70’s and 80’s BBC productions of Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park, and Pride and Prejudice (P&P being the overwhelming common denominator – almost every one of Emma’s evening dresses and pelisses was seen, primarily on Caroline Bingley.) Some of the shawls have been picked out in BBC Austens as recently as 2008.

For being made in the 70’s the costumes in this production are really kind of nice. They don’t date themselves too badly. The ones that do feel 70’s retro, in fact, were mostly styles borrowed from period accurate fashions that just happened to coincide with contemporary 70’s tastes, and which aren’t often used in Regency costumes today because, well they don’t coincide with our modern tastes. For the most part, they look well-made (although some of them do have that stiff, dingy polyester look to them and there are definitely some plastic pearls here and there).

I’m quite pleased with the silhouettes which don’t suffer from Square Bust/Boob Droop syndrome the way the 1980 P&P does. All of the assets seem to be lifted and shifted in the right places.

Daywear

I like Emma’s blue day dress the best of all her day-wear looks. It’s a rich color and has pleated cups (Also on her white day dress) which is a style I really love.

Emma wears the gauzy… let’s be kind and say ivory instead of “Yellowish” ruff during the day A LOT (Emma Pic 2). It’s a popular look on Jane Fairfax too (Jane Pic 2) and I just… I don’t like it. Not that it’s not period appropriate (because it unfortunately is) it just makes them look like Dr. Seuss characters to me, especially worn with short sleeves which is something these dramas do a lot and I hate it. It just makes the person in question look very awkwardly disproportionate to me, especially because. if they had long sleeves to go with it (which would be more correct from a historical authenticity standpoint) it would even it out so much better. Compare Jane and Emma to see what I mean. The single layer ruffle (Emma Pic 1) is much more agreeable to me. (I wanna point out that Jane wears the same green dress without any partlet or undersleeves for strawberry picking at Donwell, which is blatant Eveningwear-For-Daywear™ and looked really out of place since everyone else was wearing day-appropriate attire).

Emma’s wider, cuffed, long sleeves and Mrs. Elton’s puffy segmented Renaissance sleeves are exactly what I mean about period accurate styles that suit the 70’s in a way that they just don’t jive today. Even Harriet gets some.

Mrs. Elton Orange ™ is another crayon color Crayola should consider I think.

Harriet gets stuck with a lot of brown outer wear but her day clothes are otherwise pretty nice. I especially like the ivory and blue number (Bottom right) and her white day dress with blue accents (Top right) which I think is the nicest thing she wears in this whole series. 

Evening Wear

Emma’s evening wear confines itself pretty exclusively to cool purples and blues except for her white ball gown. I find this interesting because other versions tend to dress Emma in warmer colors and pinks (As I’m very partial to purples and blues, I love all of them). I can’t say it’s inconsistent with Emma’s cold characterization in this version. Mrs. Weston’s evening gowns are uniformly amazing. I especially love her blue party dress, which is my favorite in the series.

Both of Harriet’s party dresses are characteristically pretty and girlish. The pink is a bit fussy for me but I love the blue one (which has a lot more detail but I couldn’t get a full length shot of it.)

I’m pleased that Jane is given a bit of a break from the Jane Fairfax Blue ™ trope with her evening wear. She has one light blue evening gown and gets a few green numbers, most notable being her mint ball gown. Her beige party dress is absolutely tragic though.

Mrs. Elton’s evening color seems to be chartreuse (Which I think was also the case in the ITV version? ITV fans back me up.) Her black overlay/spiky number is iconic of the Austen Bad Girl, but her ball gown is a bit disappointing in its simplicity to me.

I would love to have seen a full length shot of Isabella’s black and purple number because I have a suspicion THAT would have been my favorite but I just can’t make out enough detail on it.

Zig-zag patterns on the skirt are a huge theme in this version, which is so of the period. Mrs. Cole (shout out to another future Are You Being Served? familiar, Hilda Fenemore) looks straight out of a fashion plate in her dark green party dress, which has (drumroll please…) a padded hem! 

Outerwear

This version has SO MANY PELISSES AND REDINGOTES. Are they all nice? No. No they are not; I particularly hate Emma’s fugly salmon number that she wears for Strawberry picking/Box Hill. Mostly because she looks SO over-dressed compared to everyone else who’s wearing loose fitting light clothes (except Jane, who’s wearing an evening dress). Just looking at her makes me hot. I’m also NOT a huge fan of her pink winter cloak. The one trimmed with… faux ermine? One can only assume. It looks awfully tacky.

That russet pelisse tho! This is one of my all-time favorites. It’s SO. PRETTY and so detailed (See this number on Jane in P&P ’80). I think her gray fur-trimmed pelisse is pretty fabulous too, but I do not like the hat she wears with it. The brim is kind of a funky shape to me.

I know I’ve criticized brown before, but I do like it in moderation and this version is astonishingly brown-free for being made in the 70’s, so I really like her red/brown velvet spencer, especially with the cream dress and gloves, and her hat has some amazing decoration.

Jane and Mrs. Weston are the only other characters who get pelisses/redingotes. I’m not a fan of Mrs. Weston’s fuchsia number, and while I like Jane’s, it does put itself solidly in the Jane Fairfax Blue™ category.  

Harriet gets pretty much only one form of outer-wear, her brown school cloak (a different brown school cloak from the one in the ‘97 version, in case you were wondering) and while it’s pretty dull, it’s hardly unexpected. Here it is paired with her rather ugly blue bonnet, with yellow ribbon. The bonnet features heavily in this episode.

To be honest for the most part I totally forgot about the… 

because a lot of it is very standard. No dandy standouts here, but overall it’s pretty okay and I’m really pleased to say that there are no bib-cravats. That’s not usually so much a problem in Regency Era stuff (Since ruffles were going out at around this time), but you can really distinctly see that the ruffles (where ruffles there are – usually on older men which is good) are part of the shirt and distinctly separate from the cravat. Also there are LOTS of high collars and they’re not comically high to the point where they get wrinkled, like they were in Emma. (2020), so points for that also. These are the screencaps I gathered going back over it for posterity.

Mr. Knightley doesn’t really get a lot of cool outfits. His best is his purple velvet evening jacket which somehow manages to not look ostentatious (but is his only dress jacket), and his gold-topped Prussian boots (which you should just be able to see bottom right.) The worst though… I’m sorry, (looks up costumer’s name) Joan Ellacott – do you really expect me to feel the weight of Emma’s cock-ups when Mr. Knightley is rebuking her in such a cartoonishly proportioned top hat? It’s like being scolded by the Mad Hatter. All of the men’s hats are pretty flared in this series too, and I’m not totally sure but, I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that flared top hats are not right for this period?

I think Mr. Weston only has one day outfit (which, in keeping with his characterization is pretty farmer-chic) and one evening outfit. Frank’s dark green day-jacket is a pretty standard look on him and I don’t think we get a fresh look until his fabulous blue jacket/yellow waistcoat combo that he wears for Strawberry Picking/Box Hill. I believe his evening jacket is also dark green but it was tough to tell. Again I think he has only one set of evening-wear. I would expect Frank to have more, since he’s such a dandy.

Mr. John Knightley doesn’t have much to write home about in terms of evening kit, but DAYUM, his blue traveling coat is DOOOOOPE. 

Let’s Talk Script

This adaptation was directed by John Glenister and Dramatized by Denis Constanduros.

Now I’ve seen a lot of positive reviews for this on IMDB calling it the… let’s see here… “The best Emma I’ve ever seen” and “The most true to the novel”… *Takes off spectacles and sighs heavily* I’m afraid I have to disagree. Several people also really love Doran Godwin’s Emma (We’ve already gone over why I don’t, and I have also seen reviews that name her and her lack of charisma as the main sticking point preventing them from really enjoying it, so I’m not alone). I’ve also heard it described as “sensitively handled” “Intimate” and “The most faithful to the spirit of Austen” and so forth, and again maybe it’s that prejudice against the stagey production and… no there’s definitely some other reason I have a problem with this version.

Let me make this clear – I don’t totally hate it, and I’m not here to shame the people who really love this version. Once again – if this version gives you what you want from the story I think that’s great for you. I, myself, like it pretty well and I think it’s one of the better early BBC Austen serials. It’s certainly not boring; but I do want to go over some of the changes that were made and choices in the script.

Some of them aren’t really that egregious, but they’re annoying in that I think they didn’t need to be made and don’t really add anything. Characters being added to scenes where they didn’t need to be and written out of scenes where their presence was missed. Like writing Mr. Elton out of Box Hill (And really the whole second half of the series, to facilitate Mrs. Elton flirting with Knightley), and adding Miss Bates into the after-dinner scene, I think at the Randalls Christmas party? I’m sure this was done for expediency but you have six episodes. It’s not as though you’re strapped for time.

Particularly praised, as far as I’ve seen, is the scene at Christmas when Knightley and Emma make up after their argument over Harriet. It takes place in the nursery, which I suppose isn’t an unreasonable place for Emma to be fawning over her niece (in the dramatization she seems to have been feeding the baby, where in the book she is playing with her). The book doesn’t specify where the scene takes place, although I assumed it to be a downstairs room, and I’m not sure that it’s entirely appropriate for Emma and a man (even one connected to her family through marriage) to be alone in an upstairs room together with the door closed and no more chaperone than a baby. But in spite of this, perhaps inappropriate, level of privacy, the scene feels less intimate to me than the book, where in the course of the conversation, where Mr. Knightley takes the baby from Emma “in the manner of perfect amity” and holds her himself and it is very adorable and sweet. In the dramatization, Knightley sort of just stands next to Emma’s chair and leans down a bit. After this conversation in the book, John comes into the room to talk to George, while in the show Emma puts the baby in the cradle and they leave the room to go downstairs.

But there are more outstanding changes that just feel wrong to me. When confronting Emma about her meddling in Harriet’s response to Mr. Martin’s proposal, Constanduros changes “What is the foolish girl about?” to “What is the stupid girl about?” it’s not that big a change, but it makes Mr. Knightley sound unnecessarily mean.

I’ve already mentioned the, er, additions regarding Mr. Weston’s dialogue and Mrs. Elton, and Jane shouting at Miss Bates; but by far the biggest, worst additions were made with Emma. The worst, I think, is the handling of this scene in Episode 4 when Harriet is feeling heartsick following Mr. Elton’s marriage.

And for those of you who don’t wanna follow the link, here’s a transcription:

Emma: Now Harriet! Your allowing yourself to become so upset over Mr. Elton’s marriage is the strongest possible reproach you could make to me!

Harriet: Miss Woodhouse –

Emma: Yes it is! You could not more constantly remind me of the mistake I made, which is most hurtful!

Harriet: Oh Miss Woodhouse, it was not intended to be!

Emma: I have not said “think and talk less of Mr. Elton” for my sake, Harriet, because it is for yours I wish it. My being hurt is a very… secondary consideration, but please, please Harriet, do learn to exert a little more self-discipline in this matter.

Harriet: {Looks down} Yes, Miss Woodhouse.

Emma: We are all creatures of feeling; we all suffer disappointments, it is how we learn to suffer them that forms our character. If you continue in this way, Harriet, I shall think you wanting in true friendship for me!  

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse! You, who are the best friend I’ve ever had? Oh what a horrid, horrid wretch I’ve been!”

Emma: Oh now Harriet – (She’s gonna console her now, right?)

Harriet: Oh yes, I have, I have!

Emma: Harriet, control yourself! (ha ha bitch, u thought) Now, you will tie your bonnet, and you are coming with me to call on Mr. And Mrs. Elton at the Vicarage…

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse –

Emma: Yes you are! And I’m sure you will find it far less distressing than you think.

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse, must I?

Emma: Yes, Harriet; but you may borrow my lace ruff if you wish.

Harriet: Oh may I, Miss Woodhouse? Oh, thank you!

(Look how evil she looks! She looks like she’s planning on baking Harriet into a pie!)

While this scene is in the book and much of the dialogue is also from the book, it’s the lines that were added that stick out to me. Emma does tell Harriet that her allowing herself to become upset over the Eltons is a reproach on Emma more than anything else and reminds her miserably of the “Mistake [Emma] fell into” but from this point, the script takes a left turn from the firm but kind appeal to Harriet to move on for both her happiness and Emma’s own comfort, to a far more manipulative strain.

Even after Harriet apologizes, she goes from simply appealing to Harriet to let herself move on, to basically telling her that she’s a bad friend. She treats Harriet like she’s unreasonable for feeling this way, where in the book Emma is very understanding and feels that “she could not do too much for her; that Harriet had every right to all her ingenuity and patience…” and only after Harriet goes all afternoon with Emma soothing her and no improvement in her spirits does Emma take any kind of reproachful tack whatsoever.

    In this scene, Emma says that her own happiness is a secondary consideration (this is stressed much more in the book) but from the way she says it, it seems more like she just wants Harriet to shut up about it rather than actually meaning it. (This is a very prominent example of Emma’s not seeming to really like Harriet at all in this version, only tolerating her presence.)

AND THEN she does something which Emma in the book most certainly did NOT do and forces Harriet to come with her to visit the Eltons, as if to put her on the spot and test how good a little friend she will be. I can’t express how disgusted I am by the changes and interpretation here. This is the culmination of the general through-line of Emma’s manipulative characterization being taken to an extreme. She looms over Harriet sounding, by turns, like a school marm and a saccharine nanny. She’s like a (very) low budget version of Tilda Swinton as the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia. 

My question about all of these changes is simply: Why? They don’t improve the story or the characters. They’re not big, but a lot of them just strike me as weird and unnecessary, but I guess there’s no accounting for artistic license.  

Final Thoughts

So is it a faithful adaptation? I often find this a more complex question to answer for myself than one would think, since inflection and line delivery and even, at some points, intention behind what the characters say tends to be up to the interpretation of the person reading the book.

Is the dialogue faithful? Other than the many changes I’ve mentioned (and the numerous cuts and edits I didn’t – and besides no screenplay can be 100% faithful), for the most part yes.

Are the characters accurate to description / faithful in their portrayal – again this tends to be subjective and opinions vary. In my opinion, Emma is not. I’ve mentioned that Knightley is too old, and Emma not only seems more intentionally manipulative than I believe she’s meant to be, and also just does not seem 21. She acts and looks like a much older woman, especially when preaching at Harriet) but she’s also very gawky, and Emma is supposed to look very healthy and glowing.

So my book accuracy rating meets in the middle at a 4.5. It’s NOT the most faithful adaptation I’ve seen, nor is it the most fun or the most intimate, but it’s not totally a travesty either and there are good things in it, even with a robot witch playing the main lead.

Ribbon Rating: Tolerable (43 Ribbons )

Tone: 4

Casting: 5 (Witchy automaton Doran Goodwin plays opposite avuncular good-fellow John Carson. Fiona Walker stands out as Mrs. Elton.)

Acting: 5 (Doran Goodwin is by turns crazed and mechanical with some momentary touches of what might be actual emotion. Raymond Adamson way over-acts Mr. Weston as a hobbeldy-hoi, verging on uncouth.)

Scripting: 4

Pacing: 4

Cinematography: 4 (A bump up from the usual 1 or 2 for TV dramas of the time. Surprisingly less stagey than expected.)

Sets and Settings: 5

Costumes: 7 (Very clearly of the 70’s but drawing on perfectly accurate styles that jived well with contemporary taste)

Music: 1 (Plinky, poorly played piano music. Only used for intro and outro I think? Jane Fairfax can neither play nor sing.)

Book Accuracy: 5 (They changed a lot of small details. Lines are changed unnecessarily (Calling Harriet “Stupid” rather than “Foolish” – Why?) Mrs. Elton seems to have a thing for Knightley? People present when they shouldn’t be, others absent when they should be present, again without any apparent reason.)

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Whos Teaching Who?

Summary- Ransom x Y/N. Your Ransoms tutor and supposedly stumble on him jerking off. Do you help out? Smut, it's really just smut and that's about it. So like don't have any kind of high expectations to actual storyline or plot. 

A/N- @entitleddrysdale​ Here ya go buddy, remember how I said we could laugh at how ridiculously wrong I was about your secret? I'm ready for it. @alexis-venkman​ of course Babes you need to join this party. XD  @official-and-unstable-satan​ to. You mentioned you wanted to see how this turned out. 

Warnings- As I said before, Smut. Nsfw. Male Recieving Oral. Bad language. Name Calling. Amber's Interesting Writing. Really there isn't much more else to give.  

“God Ransom, Im so sorry Im late.” Your rushing into Harlans kitchen when you find Ransom, one palm braced against the wall, and the other jerking his hard-on in his other. “Oh fuck! Im-" You bite your lip as he pauses and turns away from you, snarks. “Like what you see Doll.” No shame in his voice, it was almost as if he wanted to be caught by you. Of course he knew you would be arriving any moment and the first place you would go was the kitchen. To be honest, you couldn't help but be intrigued to give this prick a once over, show him what a real good time was about.

Your voice turned sultry, inviting as you ditched your purse and bag on the counter. “Actually I did see something. You wouldn't want some help with that, would you Ransom?” 

“Well Im certainly not going to say no.” Ransom smirked as his hand slowed down slightly pumping his cock while you went to your knees, your lips full and pouty with the soft pink lipstick you always applied right in front of him. Knowing it made him fucking horny as hell, the way his blue eyes would sharpen seeing you give them a quick swipe, always about to say something, but they would get interrupted, usually Harlan’s was full of people. So privacy to tutor Ransom was a rare occasion. Imagine your luck today though, pink lipstick and an empty house. 

You were gonna paint his cock in smears of pink. 

The tip of your tongue swiped over the corner of your lip as you looked up at him with a 'Please' in your eyes, lips slightly parted as a invitation to let you suck on the tip. Ransom let his cock's head rest on your lip, the flick of your tongue slicking over the head, and your lips wrapped around him to suck in breathy moans on the head, “Come on whore, show me how you swallow a man's cock.” 

Well fuck if that didn't makes your thighs clench, and you open wider to take him in further, saliva coating him messy, every time you pushed him further and pulled back, spit would dribble town your chin, messy in how needy you were. Ransom tsk'd at you. “I know you can do better then that Y/N, Ive heard all sorts of things at what you were talented at. Your mouth in particular.” His hand popped the side of your cheek, and you moaned around him at the sting it left. Tongue wrapping around his cock and quick bobs sent him down your throat, leaving you gagging and sputtering. Pulling off his cock, you buried your face against him, tonguing his balls into your mouth and sucking on them till going back to his cock eagerly, his moans and hisses above you rewarding. But you really got off when he started calling you names. 

“Such a fucking needy whore.” He would moan out, as you slurped on his cock, your eyes lifting with the praise. A smirk crossing those to perfect lips of his and he thrusted heavily down your throat, choking you. “Can barely handle my cock dumb baby, maybe you need to practice on me more.” Your hands wrapped around the base, jerking him off as you bobbed on him, sucking on his length while getting ruined by him. Sure enough when his cock pulled out from your mouth, his hand wrapping around it and jerking it close to your face. “Where does a slut like you want it?” Ransom contemplated while you bounced on your knees, mouth open and tongue hanging out. 

Since you didn't seem to care, Ransom didn't either, letting his jerks speed up until his balls tightened, and cum shot all over your face, and in your hair, running down your neck in thick streams. Your tongue lapped around your lips with satisfaction, and Ransom let himself sink into the chair he had been previously sitting in, admiring you. Tear streaked, drool all down your chin and neck, his cum thick all over your face. Your pink lipstick was smeared all over his cock, and as messy as you were, you look perfectly content, for the most part. Your thighs were in a death grip, rubbing against each other, to try to contain how wet you were, turned on. 

Ransom smirked. “Come over here.... “ He patted his knee, and you crawled over, leaning over he grasped your forearms and lifted you up, making you straddle his thigh, and since you just sucked his cock, you had no issue rubbing your wet aching pussy against his thigh. “Thats right, better hurry up and get yourself off before anyone gets back. Fuck your such a mess. You always look like this after sucking cock?” You start rocking your hips harder, the cotton fabric of your panties clinging to you, putting you hands on his shoulder to get some leverage going. Ransom did nothing to help you, his hands merely resting on your ass for now, watching you try to get yourself off. 

“Fuck Ransom... can you please?” 

“I already let you suck my cock, what else do you want?” He teased, but already his hand dipping into your pants, and rubbing your swollen clit, making you gasp with a fast nod. 

“Yes!” you shuddered, and whined, and door clicking behind you in the entryway, and you as well as Ransom could hear Harlans driver asking him a question. “Alright, get off before he comes in here and sees you fucking my thigh.” He yanked his hand from your pants, and pushed you away to a stand, stuffing his cock back in his pants. “Go to the bathroom and get yourself cleaned up Y/N” He hisses, gesturing to your face. You duck away into the bathroom just in time. 

Ransom is turned to his book on the bar, sucking on two of his fingertips as if in concentration. Flipping a page and looking up. “that was quick... I thought you said you were going to be gone longer.” 

“Meeting went quick, just needed to sign the paperwork to release my new book. Where is Y/N, her car is in the driveway?” 

Ransom pushed the book away, and feigned innocence. “Oh she will be back, she just needed a quick break. She's great by the way. I'm learning alot from her.” 

“Well good! Then we can keep her coming back for your semester.” 

“Im sure she will be thrilled to hear that.” Ransom’s voice, cocky as ever.   

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Ships and Shells (Pt.2)

-------------------------

Virgil was already aware he wasnt the best tracker of time, but this was getting ridiculous. How long had he been trapped here? Two? Maybe three weeks? Was it more? Was it less? He couldnt tell, all he could count on to tell time was the appearance of Roman with trays of food at exactly six in the morning, noon, and six at night.

"So I take it we're still not close to land hm?" Virgil growled as he heard footsteps yet again.

But then he realized, these were different, these were heavier.

"Ah, Mr. Duke." Virgil said with a smirk and a snarl.

"Now your highness I know you dont like me but downgrading my title so harshly? Have you no heart?"Remus said, faking hurt.

"Nope, not one," Virgil responded, which, oddly enough, earned him a laugh from Remus' end.

"Aaawwweee, you poor thing, it must be so hard to breathe," Remus purred, Virgil rolled his eyes.

"What do you want." Virgil said lowly.

"We're almost to the next town, so we need to establish some rules," at this, Virgil straightened up slightly, this could be it, his chance at escape.

"There will be guards on all exit points, and no other ropes will be far enough down to reach, so dont plan anything stupid," Remus said, Virgil smirked slightly, pitiful, he thinks ropes being a little high up is going to stop me he thought.

"You will only be allowed in the main part of the ship, not the cabins, those are reserved for crew members," Remus continued, that was probably a given, but Virgil would find a way to break that rule to.

"And finally, Don't. Touch. Anything." This last rule was said with such aggressiveness that it nearly caused a shiver down Virgil's spine, he felt mildly betrayed by that.

"Is this understood?" Remus said coolly, Virgil merely nodded in response.

"I meant for you to respond verbally, your highness," Remus said.

"Understood." Virgil said, slowly regaining his composure.

"But, I do have one question," Virgil said, turning slowly.

"And that is?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"If I cant touch anything," Virgil wrapped his hands around the bars of his cell, "then I've broken rule three every day since ive been here," Virgil smirked.

Remus stared at him for a few moments, dumbstruck, or at least, Virgil hoped he was.

"I meant, dont touch any items outside of your cell, floor and walls are fine, but no papers, books, ropes, wheels, candles, none of it," Remus said. Virgil ran the phrase over and over again in his head to try and find some type of loophole, but when none presented itself, he went quiet. He watched as Remus produced a key from his pocket and began working the lock on Virgil's cell.

Virgil rushed out nearly immediately after the gate swung open, half expecting Remus to grab him and shove him back. But no such moment came, soon he was out in the open air, the scent of salt water enveloping him, the feel of the breeze on his skin was almost comforting now.

"Keep him alive, please." Remus stated to the guards. Virgil watched as he, Roman, and Janus, jumped off the boat, each dragging something behind them.

And then Virgil was left with two guards on each side of the boat, standing beside the openings that would allow for Virgil to rush off onto the mainland. But he'd worry about that later, the twins and the snake were still all to close for him to run for it now, so it was unsafe for him to attempt anything just yet.

So he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

For what seemed like years, he waited.

And finally, he noticed a slip up, and once he did, it was showtime. He knocked the closest desk over and waited for the guards to attempt to restrain him, only to sneak under their arms and rush out through the now open exit.

He landed with a thud on the harbor, and ran into the town as fast as his legs could carry him. He ignored the shouts from his captors, ignored the staring, ignored everything that was keeping him trapped in that ship.

The buildings in this town were a lot smaller, and there was no wall around the outside. The docks were lined with shops, jewelry and clothing and all sorts of other things hung from booths and lay on counters. It was then that Virgil realized, he didnt have money. Lucky for him, most of the people in the crowd were nearly a foot taller than him, which made it much easier to snag a cloak and an apple from the booths on which they lay.

This was alright for a while, until he ran into other people. Though in this case, the couple seemed far to focused on each other to even realize he was there, until the shorter man, dressed in light blues, with a grey scarf and cap on his head, broke away from his partner and turned in Virgil's direction.

"Oh dear- my apologies- didnt see you there-" said the shorter of the two.

"That's the idea," Virgil said quietly, this earned a worried expression from the first boy, the second, dressed in a blue long sleeved shirt with a black bandana around his neck, merely seemed intrigued.

"Are you hiding from someone? Is everything alright?" The first man stepped forward a little, cautiously.

"Oh yeah it's great, been stuck in a pirate ship cell for like two weeks with nothing to go off of but cryptic messages but its fine!" Virgil exclaimed with a sigh, barely caring about the fact that he didnt even know these people.

"Oh dear- that must've been awful," said the first boy.

"You'll have to excuse him, hes never actually interacted with pirates before," said the second boy, fixing his glasses.

"And you have?" Virgil said, looking him up and down.

The boy quirked his mouth slightly, into a sort of half-smirk that he couldnt quite finish.

"Former Lord Admiral Logan Sanders, at your service," Logan said, bowing slightly. Virgil's eyes widened slightly, he pulled the cloak further over himself. If Logan had been in charge of ships at one point, he likely knew about Virgil, and he had no plans to go back to the castle either.

"Nice to meet you," Virgil replied.

"And this is my fiance, Patton Boleyn," Logan said, gesturing to Patton, who gave Virgil a wave and a nod.

"Nyx," Virgil said plainly, though the word felt like bile as he tossed it out, it was the safest thing he had for now, but he certainly didnt want it.

"Oh have I been getting it wrong then? I couldve sworn the queen called out for a Virgil when we brought you on the ship," Virgil froze as he heard Remus' voice, and then he ran. He didnt care where he was going or how long it took to get there, but he wasnt staying on that ship, nor in that castle. He could hear footsteps racing after him, the sound swinging and wind blowing through the air.

And then again, cold metal pressed against flesh.

And then he woke up back where he'd started, a cell with wet wooden planks and a falsely comfortable looking bed.

Only this time he wasnt alone, this time he heard crying, and yells, fury like he'd never heard before.

"Oh quit whining, we're not going to hurt any of you, but we cant have you running off to tattle on us, now be a good prisoner and shut it," Virgil snarled as he heard Remus' voice, he was beginning to hate it, hate every joke that fell from his lips, hate the way he twirled that stupid mustache of his when they talked, all the flirting and the compliments, it was like the captain thought he was to foolish to see what was really going on!

"Ah! Our perfect prince has awoken from his slumber, now tell me Virgie, did you really think it would be that easy to escape?" Remus said, leaning on his morningstar and flashing a grin.

Virgil was about to open his mouth so he could tell Remus where to stuff it, when suddenly, he began to feel sick. Not just a fleeting sickness, either, no, this was like someone had set his insides on fire. He held back the screams for a few seconds, and was surprised to find a worried expression make it's way up Remus' face when he let loose.

"JANUS! MEDIC!" Remus turned and rushed out of the cell room.

Virgil couldn't tell what happened next, because one second, he was curled in a corner and clutching his sides from pain worse than anything he'd ever experienced before, and the next, everything was swirling away into a deep blue and black, almost like a dream.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@itsnithbabey

@private-snippers

@extercs-experiences

@rich-flower-17

@theonetruebeepboop

@mycatshuman

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

[honeyhan-123]

Say Thank You XIV

Series Summary: Nearly five years have passed since Steve Rogers saves your life without so much as a thank you. When he sees you again by chance, he makes sure that he’ll never let you go and maybe teach you some manners in the process.

Series Warning: This will be a dark!Steve fic with stalking, kidnapping and manipulating as well as non-con and dub-con situations. Please don’t read it if you don’t like that sort of thing.

Chapter Warnings: Smut and I don’t think there’s much else...

Word Count: 3.0k

AN: Whelp some bad thjings are happening soon...

I. New York ~ II. Madrid ~ III. The Apartment ~ IV. The Trip ~ V. The Basement ~ VI. The First Lesson ~ VII. The Waiting Game ~ VIII. The First Attempt ~ IX. The Darkness ~ X. The Truth ~ XI. The Syndrome XII. The Meeting ~ XIII. The Mission

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

XIV. The Reunion Steve stood staring up at the sky, his jaw a little slack as the spear in his hand was beamed up, flying out of his hand as it followed the two foes. They stood, regaining their breath for some time in silence. No matter how short the fight had been, the opposing side had clearly been taught how to fight by someone skilled. 

‘C’mon guys, we should head back to the jet, we need to get the Vision to Banner, figure out if he can get the mind stone out of him.’ Steve nodded to Sam’s words absentmindedly, his gaze still fixed on the sky, no longer staring at where the alien ship had been but instead on the stars, on how bright they seemed to shine, reminding him a little bit of nights he would spend with Bucky, staying out far later than they should, walking the streets of New York. He hadn’t had a night like that in over seventy years.

‘Steve, come on.’ This time it was Nat trying to pull him from his daze and so he regrettably turned his back on the night sky and followed the others back to the jet that had luckily been parked nearby. 

It was only back on the jet when the lecture began, Natasha closing the bay door and turning to face Wanda. ‘I thought we had a deal. Stay close, check in. Don’t take any chances.’ Wanda’s eyes dipped to her fingers linked with Vision’s, a mix of guilt and shame running through her. 

‘We just wanted time.’ Her words resonated with Steve and he knew that if you and he were in her situation, he would have done the exact same thing. He just wanted all the time with you that he could get. 

‘Where to Cap?’ A swirl of emotions raised up in him, on one hand all he wanted was to get back to New York and to see your face, but on the other hand, he knew he had to do what was best for the team, the world even. 

He knew he was being ridiculous as Bucky would obviously bring you to the compound, but he just wanted to be able to spend the night with you in his own bed before the world was turned on its head. ‘Take us to the compound Sam, I’ll get Bucky and Banner to meet us there.’

‘You sure about that Cap? Ross will probably be there.’

Steve shook his head, scoffing at the idea. ‘No, he’ll probably be in Washington, hiding in some little bunker, trying to get Rhodey to do his dirty work for him.’

 Sam nodded, recognising the truth in his words and powered up the quinjet as Steve pulled out his phone. He needed to call Bucky. 

+

You barely had time to register what Bucky had said before he sprung into action, heading into Steve’s closet and pulling another small duffel bag from inside. ‘Where are your clothes?’ His voice was rough, demanding, and in your current state funding the words he wanted to hear was too much. 

‘They’re downstairs, in the basement. Steve and I-’ it hurt just talking about him, especially when - no matter how innocently- you had just been in bed with his best friend. Guilt swirled in your stomach at the thought. ‘We hadn’t gotten around to moving them upstairs yet.’ Now you questioned whether you would ever be moving them up. 

‘Shit. I can’t get down there, his will just have to do.’ With that Bucky started rifling through Steve’s draws, pulling out the smallest t-shirts he could find. They would inevitably still be far too large for you but you would survive. You recoiled as Bucky chucked a dark blue one at you and the grey trackies you had been wearing earlier before leaving the room. Hastily you changed tops, and pulled the soft pants on, hating how long it had been since you had clean underwear. 

When you were done, you met Bucky on the landing, his own small go-bag over his shoulder and yours in his hand. ‘C’mon, we have to go.’ He grabbed your hand, leading you downstairs and to the front door. You didn’t have time to appreciate the morning sun shining in your eyes, warming your skin, before Bucky led you to a lithe black car. He let go of your hand only to open the boot, chucking the two small bags in before pulling you to the passenger door and holding it open for you. 

You watched as he shut the door behind you and raced around the car, getting in the driver's seat, checking a text on his phone, a frown setting in on his face. ‘We need to make a stop before we go to the compound.’

‘A stop?’

‘Yeah, I need to pick up a friend.’ Bucky didn’t offer anything else before he put the car into drive and sped off, ignoring the speed limit of every street he drove down. 

+

The friend Bucky had needed to pick up turned out to be Dr Banner. Although you had never met, riding in a confined space with the man who had single handedly brought down most of 27th street five years ago previously had you anxious.  Yet as you watched the doctor from the rearview mirror, you realised if anything, he seemed far more anxious than you felt. 

Bucky had been so impossible to read but seeing one of the most powerful avengers, so incredibly worried had you stressed, fearing that the situation was far worse than Bucky had let on. The ride was silent for the most part, barely a word was uttered apart from the brief conversation Bucky and Bruce had about people and places you had no idea about. You stared out the window, watching as the suburban houses drifted further apart, acres of woods popping up as you left the city limits, nearing the infamous Avenger’s Compound. 

You had no idea what to expect as the car pulled to a stop in front of the large structure, your mouth gaping as you took it all in, so consumed by the building that you barely noticed Bucky opening the door for you, grabbing your hand as he led you to the man, guarding the large double doors. 

‘Rhodey.’ Even in your daze you could feel the tension between the two men. 

‘Sergeant Barnes. You do know I have orders to arrest you on sight.’ 

‘Yeah, but you know that I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t urgent.’ The man you assumed to be Rhodey nodded, his eyes flickering to your hand entwined with Bucky’s briefly before drifting over to Bruce. 

‘C’mon in, I’m meant to be having a call with Secretary Ross in five minutes and you should be out of the way for that.’ Bucky nodded his thanks and pulled you along behind him.

Rhodey set you all up in spare bedrooms as you waited, both for the conference call to end and for Steve to return. His eyebrows had shot up when Bucky had recommended you stay in Steve’s old room, not understanding but you had been grateful at the suggestion even though it felt more like a mausoleum than a place of comfort. 

Bucky had left you to take a shower in his spare bedroom just down the hall and you curiously wandered through Steve’s belongings. It was clear that it had been a long time since anyone had been in the room and that Steve clearly hadn’t expected to have been gone for so long whenever he last left the quaint room. But of all his haphazardly discarded belongings, it was a sketchbook and set of charcoal pencils that lay on his desk, almost completely covered by manilla folders that drew your attention. 

Flicking through the heavy pages, you had no idea that Steve had been an artist, he was so clearly talented and for the first time, you wondered what his parents had been like, did his ability come from them? Would his own children be able to capture the New York city skyline so beautifully? 

The subjects of his drawings changed from page to page, sometimes a lifelike drawing of one of his team members danced along the paper, other times it was simple everyday objects like a pair of boxing gloves or a vase of flowers. 

It was only after several minutes of admiring his work that you came across the first drawing of you. You recognised the scene, it was hard not to especially since it had plagued your mind for so long. It was the first time you had met, from his point of view. You looked so helpless on the page, your body covered by the heavy car, glass lying all around you and hastily, you turned the page only to be greeted by another drawing of you, this time of your naked body a sheet covering very little. Every page from then on was similar, they were all coated in drawings of you, sometimes a close up of your face, your eyes, your lips. 

You dropped the sketchbook, nearly tumbling over your own feet as you stepped backwards, mentally doing the math in your mind. Vienna had happened a year ago, nearly two, and you knew after that Steve and his team had had to go awol for refusing to sign the accords. For a sketchbook filled with drawings of you to be lying on a desk in an untouched room made you wonder just how long he had been watching you for. 

+

The minute the jet touched down Steve was jumping from the barely open bay doors, hastily walking across the smooth lawn of the compound. A feeling of homesickness crept over him, longing for the days before the accords when he had been welcome here, when he had truly felt at home. It had been a long two years but the past few minutes hadn’t seemed that bad, not when he had you waiting at home for him. 

As he approached the commons area he saw Rhodey in mid-conversation with Secretary Ross and the rest of his cronies. Steve didn’t have the time or the patience to deal with him right now but he also knew he had to play along for the time being, until he could get back to you. 

‘The world’s on fire and you think all is forgiven?’ Secretary Ross’s hologram mocked him as the rest of the team filed into the briefing room and Steve could barely refrain himself from rolling his eyes at Ross’ incomprehensible pride as he refused to admit just how much he needed the former Avengers right now. 

‘I’m not looking for forgiveness and I’m way past asking permission.’ He stepped forward, going toe to toe with Ross’ hologram. ‘Earth just lost her best defender so we’re here to fight. And if you want to stand in our way, we’ll fight you too.’ A brief silence filled the room, everyone seeming to hold their breath, waiting to see whether Ross would swallow his pride.

‘Arrest them.’ His words were brusk as he turned away, heading back to the table, leaving Steve unsurprised.

‘All over it.’ Rhodey nodded, cutting off the call, remaining perfectly still even as the official court martial came through.

 ‘That’s the court martial. It’s great to see you Cap.’ He stepped forward, clasping Steve’s hand in his own, a smile clear on both men’s faces. 

‘You too Rhodey.’

‘She’s here, Bucky put her in your room.’ Steve nodded, thanking the other man for recognising all he wanted to do right now was see you. He knew the rest of the team was confused, not understanding why Steve had been so impatient to get back, but he would explain later, the flight to Wakanda would take a while. 

The walk through the calming blue hallways filled him with nostalgia as he arrived at his old living quarters. It was set up just as it had been that day he found Bucky and his life had been flipped upside down. There were only minute differences that clearly you had caused, a small duffle bag on his bed, filled with clothes from the house and his sketchbook open on the desk. With a pang, he realised it was open to his drawings of you, meaning that you would have questions. 

The shower was running and being unable to help himself, Steve shed his suit, opening the door and letting some steam come out. Your back was to him as he pulled on the glass door of the shower, his hands wrapping around you, pulling you back against his chest. You screamed as he did so, struggling against his hold but when you twisted around, realising that it was only him, you immediately calmed in his hands, wrapping your own around his shoulders. 

‘Steve! When did you get back?’ Your hands cupped his face, a broad smile on your own as you took him in, thankful that he was finally back.

‘Five minute ago, I just needed to come see you; to come have you before we leave.’

‘Leave? For where?’ 

‘I’ll explain later.’ You nodded, letting his hands trace over your wet skin, down between your legs, swirling in the slick they found there. He pressed himself against your ass, pushing your front against the glass walls. Even though he had barely been gone for two days, you had missed him terribly, your body even more so. He barely needed to brush his fingers over you before your entire body was quivering, desperate for the release he offered. 

Steve didn’t let you cum though, as soon as he could sense the oncoming flutter of your walls, he withdrew, instead guiding his length to your entrance and pushing in, with one forceful thrust. 

‘Fuck, Sweetheart. You have no idea how much I missed you.’ He moaned into your ear, your wet skin slapping together as he moved with a ferocity you hadn’t seen before. His hands reached up, wrapping themselves around each of your wrists and trapping them on either side of your head as his hips flexed, pushing as deep as he possibly could. 

You shuddered against him, your breath fogging up the clear glass as the water heated up even further, seeming to adjust itself to the situation. With each thrust of his hips you feared the glass would break beneath you as the coil inside tightened even further. ‘St-Steve.’ You moaned his name into the fog, feeling the familiar desperation for release. 

‘Please Stevie… Please, I need to - I need to cum.’ A delirious state of mind overtook you, the ability to form coherent sentences gone. 

‘Go on then Sweetheart. Cum for me, milk my cock baby.’ A series of moans escaped your lips as your body obeyed him, a rush flowing through your down to your toes, slipping against the cool ceramic floor. ‘Oh fuck Sweetheart, you’re so good to me.’ You barely had a chance to let out a hazy smile against the glass before he had flipped you around, instantly wrapping his arms underneath your thighs and hitching you up his body, entering you in another second. ‘You look so good like this, dripping wet with a fucked out expression.’ 

The back of your head hit the glass as you lazily wrapped your arms around his shoulders, tangling your fingers in his dark locks, pulling him even closer. Your lips brushed over his, softly grazing the wet hairs of his beard, relishing in the close proximity of him. 

Your clit was overly sensitive from the previous orgasm and as his pelvis brushed against it with every thrust, you felt the coil tighten once again, burning its way through your body. You tried your best to match his thrusts, grinding down on him as he rose up to meet you. His groans reverberated throughout the bathroom, bouncing off of the cool tiles and echoing in your head, driving you closer to the edge. 

‘I’m so close, please baby, please.’ Steve spoke roughly, the words muttered against your ear as he begged, begged you for his release. You smashed your lips to his, kissing him as passionately as you could while your body spasmed underneath his, your walls clenching around him, pulling him in even further. He shuddered against you, his release spilling in, coating your walls. His breath was hot and heavy against your ear as he pulled back from your lips, resting his forehead on the cool glass. ‘Fuck…’ His chest heaved against yours as he slowly let go of your legs, sliding you down his body until your feet could touch the cool tiles. 

You don’t know how long he held you for but when both of your breathing and heart rates had slowed enough, you pulled away, reaching for the shampoo before pouring some into your hands and reaching up to rub it into his hair, soothing his scalp as you did so. His eyes closed in relaxation, a moan of a different kind falling from his lips as you cleaned him. Despite how hard he had tried the past few months not to think too far into the future, Steve couldn’t help himself. His mind drifted back to being a child when his mother would bathe him, soothing him just as you were now and he felt a stir down below. He knew you would be a perfect mother even if you weren’t ready yet. Perhaps you just needed a little push.

When you helped rinse the conditioner from his hair, he was fully hard again, the sound of little feet pattering along hardwood floors echoing in his mind over the sound of the water hitting his skin. He could almost see the child now, a boy first and then maybe a year later to give you some time to adjust, there would be a girl and she would be the spitting image of you, sweet and soft, well tempered and mannered. They felt so real already and Steve knew if he wanted his dreams to become reality there was only one thing to do, so he lined himself up with your entrance, thrusting inside as he picked out names for your future children. 

+

XV. The Battle

Tags will be added in a reblog

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

[roses-symphony]

Probably almost all of you know how much I love Gucci, their Ideas and philosophy so, I guess you should’ve seen this post coming.

For the non italian followers (which should be 90% of my followers) this dude stage name is Achille Lauro. Born in the 90′s. He is considered a “Rapper” but to me he’s more of a POP/PUNK icon.

This year he got on Sanremo (the italian music song contest) with a Song named “Me ne Frego” (meaning “I don’t care”) and all his looks were created by Gucci’s artistic director Alessandro Michele based on the idea of Lauro of showing a life of just “not caring”, doing what people want to without a negative side to this idea.

He said that during this journey we’d meet 4 Characters, each of them represented by a Wolf, A Thunder, a Mask and a Crown. I didn’t guess even one right and that is extremely amazing because it means they weren’t predictable; everything was so well thought that it was impossible to understand it before he showed it to us.

I. Night - SAN FRANCESCO

San Francesco was the son of a very rich man who, in order to follow God’s call and help the poor, he got rid of his Noble Man Cape and remained naked, giving up to all his wealth and privileges.

Lauro gets on stage with a Gucci custom made black velvet cape, all embroidered in gold. He walks the stage barefoot and, at the climax of his song, he takes off the cape remaining with a body suit covered in crystals (of course he couldn’t get there naked xD)

Beside the symbolic meaning of solidarity to the minors and the ones in need, I want to focus on the clothes ofc. The cape was extremely beautiful, elegante, regal, the pearls and the studs made it look even more expensive. When he undressed, he showed us this bodysuit which was surprisingly fitting him very nicely. Nobody could see that happen.

As always, beside Lauro, there is his guitarist and friend Boss Doms. He was wearing a Burgundy suit with a blush pink turtle neck and red eye make up. He was looking stunning, totally uncoordinated with Lauro outfit YET perfectly matching.

II. Night - ZIGGY STARDUST

This character was created by David Bowie and it’s the representation of a rebellious soul, emblem of absolute artistic and sexual freedom and of non toxic masculinity.  As I said in my post about the Men Gucci FW Show, for this season Michele goal was, in fact, killing toxic masculinity and this idea perfectly matched Lauro performance.

During this night, He sang a cover of a song by Mia Martini, called “Gli uomini non cambiano” (”Men never change”); he sang it using all female nouns and, on his ig page, he posted an handwritten letter addressing it to “Disgusting Fifty years old homophobic men” saying that he knows those people too well due to his past and that he now wants to be rebellious and go against them, making peace with this femininity and when they ask him why he wears female things, he just replies “I’m becoming a Lady”.

The song was very touching, I suggest you listening to it, but back to the outfit: He has an emerald green satin suit, all custom made (on the left arm you can see a patch with his name embroidered on it), a striped shirt with a 80′s style collar and a glittery tie. His makeup and hairstyle is exactly the same as Ziggy Stardust  and, once again, i want to compliment the makeup artist for the amazing Job. Probably this was the most “complete” look.

Boss Doms is, once again, in a suit. Blue with red details. he’s wearing a tiara from the last Gucci Cruise collection and on his face there are tears made of stardust. One again, completely different, amazingly matching.

III. Night - MARCHESA LUISA CASATI STAMPA

She was a very popular woman who became the muse of a lot of artist during her era. She was the lover of the poet Gabriele D’annunzio. She was eccentric and without any boundaries. They say that she used to walk at night at Piazza San Marco in Venice completely naked, with just a fur on her shoulders (sometimes walking a jaguar with her) and having a servant lighting her so that everybody could admire her.

She had many lovers, she was very “free” even in the sexual aspect of her life so, once again, we see the concept of freedom being strongly represented in Lauro performance.

She was known mostly for having sponsored many artists and collected every sort of art since her home was full of art and exotic things (even animals); people used to say that she  was walking art herself thanks to the makeup and dresses she used to wear

Lauro gets on stage with a head piece made of feathers, diamonds and  studs (that wasn’t custom made, it was used in last year fashion week); he wore Gucci stockings embroiled with black diamonds in the shape of the typical “GG” the logo; on top of it an organza cape. 

The best pieces were the glove which held two Gucci Lipsticks (one of which he used to put on himself and his friend during the song) and the pointy leather boots that, once again, had his name printed inside. The best part, to me, of this look was the makeup. It was a shiny black/red shadow, which contoured all his eyes, making him look somehow vampire-ish.

At his side, Boss Doms with an amazing velvet Jacket and elegant black slacks, a Pussy Bow pink shirt and the most beautiful smokey eyes I’ve ever seen in my life.  I might be wrong here but I think that, in this case, he should have represented the servant that walked Miss Casati around Venice, but maybe I am Wrong.

IV. Night - QUEEN ELISABETH I THE VIRGIN QUEEN

For the last night, he got inspired by the Virgin Queen, married to her country, who fought for arts, freedom and died without wanting any medication and being a queen up to her last day, never abdicating.

The velvet pants, along with the red boots and the pearls makeup, have been shown on Gucci runways already, but they were able to put all together in order to create the perfect representation of the character.

Boss Doms was wearing a beautiful embroidered jacket (I guess they were Chinese dragons but I can’t see it properly), He was wearing shorts, giving a very strong AC/DC vibe to his look. He had a matching makeup with pearls on his temples and jaw and, around his eyes, he had holographic fake lashes.

Being the last night, they went even further on stage, completing it with a kiss (as they actually always do during every performance they have).

So, my final thoughts:

First thing first, I want to underline the fact that not even one of the nights the look they showed gave out a “costume” vibe; they were pure outfits, stage outfits which, every time, enchanted one of the aspect of the song. 

Lauro never looked “ridiculous” or like “too femminine”, he looked powerful, serious, without any limit. They represented freedom, freedom of being whoever you want, having the power to fight all those boomers who kept on attaching them, who kept on criticizing them.

During today interview, when somebody told him that he should have focused more on the song rather than the “look” he answered that he has a project, and the song was just a tool to deliver the message of his project. He didn’t want to win the festival, he just wanted to be remembered.

And he did.

I think he should be really thankful to all his creative staff, to Alessandro Michele who believed in him as an ambassador of this same message and I do really really hope to see more collaborations like this because he’s a very sensitive soul, he is a great gentleman, he never yells, he never replies in an angry way and he has a very kind smile. And this world needs more kindness and more beauty.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League #1 (1987)

This is actually a more impressive line-up than I remember.

I'm pretty sure this line-up is a huge scam. I don't remember Doctor Fate interacting too much with this group and I think Shazam bows out fairly quickly. Batman probably does that thing where he acts like he's leader (even if Martian Manhunter actually is) and only helps out every sixth mission. So at that point, the line-up is already decreasing in strength and intimidation factor quickly. Adding Fire, Ice, and Booster Gold later won't really improve the team much. But I'm getting ahead of myself. My impressions from this initial cover were "Wow! Pretty interesting team!" and "What asshole fucking decided on the shit stencil font for the title?" Sorry, I cuss a lot when I'm writing on the Internet and trying to seem like a bad-ass. The issue begins with Guy Gardner calling the other Green Lanterns jerks and suggesting, to himself, that he should be the Commander-in-Chief of the new Justice League. Some people would read this first page and think, "What an arrogant fucking asshole." But my stomach got all queasy and I giggled a little bit and I muttered quietly under my breath, "I love him."

I'm not saying it isn't composed of some truly ridiculous aspects but Guy still has the best costume in the DC Universe.

I don't love everything about Guy Gardner because most writers at the time didn't truly understand him. They made him a jerk that nobody would like because they were too cold-hearted to see the brain damaged cool guy that he really was. Guy Gardner often needed to be written by somebody who loved the character; it would have done him a world of good. He could still have been that abrasive jerk. But written deftly, those who actually cared to take the time would see his true self. Sure, that would also be an abrasive jerk! But a little bit more likable!

Stallone was pretty sensitive in a few scenes in Rocky IV!

Black Canary is second to arrive, after which Mister Miracle and Oberon show up. I never quite understood how Oberon fit into the Justice League. Wasn't he like an agent or a manager? Did Batman and Martian Manhunter need Oberon to sign off on every mission or else Scott Free would have to remain behind? I bet he was included just so Giffen and DeMatteis could make dwarf jokes.

Why would Guy choose Sneezy?! Oberon's breathing has been impeccable since he arrived!

Normally after some kind of cynical prediction about the comic book that immediately is proved true, I'd write, "Grandmaster Comic Book Reader!" But it doesn't feel right to say it in this case. I mean, Oberon is present for four panels before he becomes the butt of a joke based on his diminutive nature. And by Guy Gardner, no less! Is this why I loved him so much at sixteen?! What a terrible and typical sixteen year old white heterosexual male I was! Black Canary (whose costume I'm just now noticing is really fucking weird) responds to Guy's awful behavior by saying, "Dozens of GLs around and we get 'Rambo' with a ring!" That's unfair to Rambo! I'm also unsure who in this story (including the writers of this story) have actually seen First Blood. Gardner is more like the authority mad Sheriff Teasle than the sensitive green beret John Rambo! Rambo should be admired as a hero, battling back against corrupt cops who think they have the right to use as much force as they want for any stupid fucking reason! It's possible they were talking about the Rambo from the second film who gets to kill more than one person because the people he's killing are Russians and Vietnamese. He does get a bit murder crazy in the second film. Or maybe they're talking about Rambo from the third film which wasn't actually out yet so I don't have to read up on it. Next to arrive are Captain Marvel, Blue Beetle, and Martian Manhunter. Martian Manhunter proves to be a buzzkill, reminding everybody how the old series ended in total death and disaster.

His view of the media is pretty spot on though.

J'onn calls up the files of Steel, Gypsy, Vixen, and Vibe before purging them completely from the Justice League computer. That's probably a good idea, like deleting old joke tweets on Twitter that were a bit racist and also boring. Meanwhile Maxwell Lord IV watches from a distance, doing that Ozymandias thing where you watch dozens of televisions at once. I think it proves you're a genius whose done the research and contemplated all sides of an issue before making up your totally rational and logical mind about any issue. As opposed to us losers who simply use compassion and empathy to almost immediately understand the correct and most ethical path to take. Maxwell Lord IV watches all of this television and decides the correct course to take is to leave the "America" off of the Justice League of America this time. Oh, and also the "of".

Maybe this is why I liked Guy so much: because he knew the saying was "you've got another think coming." Look, I'm going to be desperately finding good reasons to have liked Guy Gardner so much when Giffen and DeMatteis are this determined to make him a huge and unlikable jerk.

Look, I was sixteen! Hardly the best time in a young man's life for qualities like compassion and empathy and fashion sense and hair styles! I'm also fairly certain it wasn't this comic book that made me like him so much. I'm pretty sure he gets knocked out by Batman with one punch before the year is over and I remember loving that scene. So I probably despised him like a good reader of Justice League was supposed to do. Hopefully he'll have some character moments during this series that will show why I wound up liking him so much as a character. Right now, he's just a complete and utter asshole. The five panels following the one I just scanned consist of Guy once again calling Oberon "Sneezy" and then suggesting Black Canary is going to want to fuck him soon enough. Martian Manhunter tries to break it up and just winds up part of the chaos.

Okay, I'm starting to get why I might have liked him at sixteen, even after the first few pages. To a sixteen year old white male, mocking Martian Manhunter with a "Ho-ho-ho" trumps ableism, sexism, and, with this attack on J'onn for his inherent physical Martianness, almost certainly racism as well.

Guy continues to play the role of Squeaky Wheel for another page or two. I suppose if you want more on-panel time than the other heroes, you've got to be a raging asshole. I can't say I'm not entertained by it!

Captain Marvel earns a little of my love with this line as well. No shame in drinking warm milk at night!

This is only nine pages into the first issue and Guy has completely derailed the formation of the new Justice League. Was this blasphemy to previous fans of the Justice League where the team may have had some minor squabbles about various things and Batman would quit every six issues but mostly they didn't break out into brawls whenever they got together? Or were internal struggles and arguments a regular plot point? I have no idea because the only Justice League comics I read previous to this title were the terrible months where everything was breaking down and then Steel betrayed them and Vibe was killed off and Martian Manhunter felt like a huge failure. Although was Aquaman leading the team at the time? I dislike Aquaman so much, I'm just going to believe he was leading the team and that's why everything completely fell apart. He sucks. Once per day, I think about that lousy meme trying to prove Aquaman wasn't useless by using the image from New 52 Justice League where he controls a bunch of great whites to breach and kill a bunch of parademons and I hate everybody who actually thought that was a cool moment. Batman and Doctor Fate arrive in the middle of the Justice League brawl (which even Martian Manhunter, the only adult in the room, is taken part in) and shuts shit down The Batman way.

I guess heroes are also a cowardly lot.

Meanwhile, Doctor Light winds up being held hostage with the rest of the United Nations by some white terrorists. I felt I needed to say they were white because a lot of racist assholes can only envision terrorists one way. Also, I should always describe people as white when they're white since I don't want to be an accomplice to maintaining a world where we assume a person mentioned is white, male, and heterosexual unless they're described more fully. Doctor Light was given a Justice League emergency beeper by a mysterious figure some time previously. This isn't revealed but I just read Justice League Spectacular #1 so I know Maxwell Lord gave her the device so that she could alert the Justice League when the United Nations was taken hostage by terrorists that Maxwell Lord IV paid. It's all about getting some early press! There's an advert for the new Flash which I'm surprised I didn't pick up since the advert shows him having some kind of accident in a sperm bank.

Ew Flash is right!

The Justice League head over to stop the terrorist attack. At some point, Doctor Fate disappears to go do something else and I think he never comes back? Is that why I barely remember him as a part of this league? Was he just there to look cool on the cover and fool all the lovers of DC magic users? The League storms the UN, murdering several terrorists.

Look. Manhunter either phased their heads into the solid ceiling or he smashed their skulls straight through the roof. Either way, I don't see a high percentage chance of their survival.

The Justice League capture all the terrorists and then Batman has the building evacuated, leaving just the leader of the terrorists alone in the United Nations building threatening to kill himself so that the bomb attached to his heart would detonate and kill them all. He does kill himself but the bomb doesn't detonate. And the thing is, Batman realized during the mission that the bomb was almost certainly a bluff. So he left the man alone to kill himself. Later we discover the man had a history of mental illness. So this, to Batman, is justice? Batman almost certainly realized the man was being manipulated and that he'd definitely kill himself to blow the bomb and Batman let the man do it. Batman is a fucking monster. After the event, the media points out that the terrorists were mostly composed of 60s radical groups like the Weathermen and the Black Panthers. Which is odd because there wasn't one black terrorist in the bunch. The issue ends with Max Lord talking to himself and admitting to being the one who staged the terrorist attack. He also knew the leader was unstable enough to kill himself for the cause and he sent him in with a bomb that definitely wouldn't blow. So he's a fucking monster as well. And Martian Manhunter is a monster, not because he's a weirdo martian, but because he basically popped the heads on a few of the terrorists. No way will I believe those guys hanging from the ceiling by their necks survived! All in all, Guy Gardner is starting to look like a rational member of this group! Justice League #1 Rating: B+. A better than average start to the new Justice League, building some intrigue and conflict right from the start. Who is Max Lord? What are his plans for the Justice League? Why is he acting like it's his group? Will Doctor Fate ever return? Will Oberon poison Guy Gardner? Will Black Canary and Doctor Light become best friends because they're the only women in the League? Will Guy Gardner and Batman ever come to blows? I can answer that! They will not! They'll just come to blow. One punch by Batman. And that one punch causes some severe psychological trauma to Gardner and nobody thinks he should get medical help simply because he starts acting nicer. They're all fucking monsters!

[rainhadaenerys]

I don’t even know why I keep reading anti Dany metas. I keep expecting that maybe they’ll have some reasonable argument, but they never fail to surprise me in how stupid they are, and how much they distort things. There’s this new meta that’s supposed to be some deep analysis of ADWD, and of how Dany is a bad queen. They keep harping on how Dany is bad because she thinks of “floppy ears” and because she dislikes the Meereenese. And this is such a ridiculous thing to say. This has no bearing in whether Dany is a good ruler or not. A ruler doesn’t have to like all their subjects to be a good ruler. In any government, you will always have people with different ideologies, and you are not obligated to like your political enemies. The people Dany dislikes are the Meereeense slavers. Those are the Meereenese that she hates, not the Meereenese freedmen or poor people. And again, this doesn’t make Dany “a bad ruler”. It doesn’t mean that Dany isn’t supposed to be a queen. The person also says that Dany hates Meereenese culture even when it’s not related to things that are oppressive, but this isn’t true. The culture that Dany hates is the culture of the slaver class, not of her freedmen. And again, whether Dany hates that culture or not doesn’t make her a bad ruler. She can hate the Meereenese slavers while still ruling and ruling well. Oh, and the meta also says that Dany “makes” people shave, but this isn’t true at all. The Shavepate choose to shave their heads on their own will to symbolize their alliance with the new regime, for their own personal reasons:

"My queen," growled Skahaz mo Kandaq, of the shaven head. Ghiscari hair was dense and wiry; it had long been the fashion for the men of the Slaver Cities to tease it into horns and spikes and wings. By shaving, Skahaz had put old Meereen behind him to accept the new, and his kin had done the same after his example. Others followed, though whether from fear, fashion, or ambition, Dany could not say; shavepates, they were called. Skahaz was the Shavepate … and the vilest of traitors to the Sons of the Harpy and their ilk. - Daenerys I ADWD

Daenerys doesn’t “make” people shave, or else everybody in Meereen would hve shaved, which is not the case.

Then they proceed to take many decisions of Dany that were very much reasonable, and try to distort it into something bad. Dany grants a rich woman her clothes and jewels back but not her house. And she does this because there were already freedmen living in the house. First, Dany decreed a pardon for everything that happened during the sack (which is necessary to keep peace in Meereen), so it’s not like she needed to give the woman anything. Dany was still conciliatory in giving the woman back her jewels and clothes. The woman was not homeless: she was living with her brother. But the freedwomen in her house would be homeless if Dany decided to give her house back. Dany’s decision was probably the best and most conciliatory decision she could make, but of course this anti would harp on why it’s horrible for a rich woman to lose her house. Funny how antis never worry about the freedwomen that would be homeless if Dany decided in favor of the rich woman.

Then they talk about Dany not punishing the crimes that happened during the sack, and completely ignore the fact that decreeing a pardon was necessary to keep peace in the city. If Dany had decided to punish the former slaves for rising against their masters, and to punish former slavers for their crimes against the freedmen, she would have war within Meereen, and I’m pretty sure antis would be harping about what a stupid ruler Dany is and how she is incapable of being conciliatory. But here, Dany shows herself to be conciliatory and makes a very reasonable decision that was probably the best decision she could make, and antis go talking about what a bad ruler she is.

Then Dany makes the decision that people will have to go to the temple and swear a sacred oath to get the money for their lost animals (that Drogo ate). Which is a very intelligent decision. Dany is not wrong in saying that some people will lie about Drogon burning their animais and bring burned bones to her that they burned themselves, just to get her money. In fact, Dany keeps receiving claims that Drogon burned their animals even after Drogo left the city and Dany chained her dragons:

Dany did not want to talk about the dragons. Farmers still came to her court with burned bones, complaining of missing sheep, though Drogon had not returned to the city. - Daenerys IV ADWD

So Dany is absolutely correct in saying that some people are deceiving her. Making people swear a sacred oath is smart, especially considering that the Shavepate’s suggestion was much more brutal (to whip everyone), and Dany refused his suggestion. But look at what this anti says about Dany because of this:

The pronouncement was received in sullen silence. You would think they might be happier, Dany thought. They have what they came for. Is there no way to please these people?

This quote says a lot about Daenerys. In her mind, the people should be happy because she’s willing to give them back what they lost, failing to consider how much trouble it would be for them to gather up the bones of their dead animals, bring them to Dany’s pyramid, and wait all day for just the chance to be heard by her. Dany thinks many of them lie about Drogon to try and get money or sheep, and thinks they should just be happy she’s giving them anything at all.

Like, wow. How is it such trouble to bring the bones as proof? Isn’t that what all the shepherds were already doing? And actually, this anti is incorrect, because they would not need to speak directly to Dany, they would just have to swear an oath at the temple. And the idea that Dany thinks “people should just be happy she’s giving them anything at all” is so false. This is definitely not what Dany thinks:

“No, Magnificence.” Reznak bowed. “Shall I send these rascals away, or will you want them scourged?”

Daenerys shifted on the bench. “No man should ever fear to come to me.” Some claims were false, she did not doubt, but more were genuine. Her dragons had grown too large to be content with rats and cats and dogs. The more they eat, the larger they will grow, Ser Barristan had warned her, and the larger they grow, the more they’ll eat. Drogon especially ranged far afield and could easily devour a sheep a day. “Pay them for the value of their animals,” she told Reznak, “but henceforth claimants must present themselves at the Temple of the Graces and swear a holy oath before the gods of Ghis.” – Daenerys I ADWD

I mean, what they say about Dany is a freaking lie. Dany is willing to help people, she never thinks “they should be happy I’m giving them anything at all”, what she actually thinks is “some claims were false, she did not doubt, but more were genuine”. But hey, antis lying through their teeth about Dany is nothing new. Besides, going back to the decision, how in hell is Dany unreasonable for this? This “meta” was supposed to prove that Dany is a bad ruler, but I think these decisions (the pardon, being conciliatory and not leaving freedwomen homeless, and asking people to swear an oath to avoid people cheating her) all prove that Dany is actually a very good ruler.

The anti also talks about how Dany is hypocritical for chastising a man for forgetting the name of his slave, but for also forgetting Hazzea’s name. But this is such a false equivalence. The man forgot the name of a woman who worked for him for years, showing that he never cared to even learn the name of his slaves. Dany remembered Hazzea’s name even though she only heard it once, and she never knew the girl, and only forgot Hazzea’s name when she was sick and hallucinating in the Dothraki sea. How the hell are these two things comparable? And Dany just told the man to buy a new loom for the woman, it’s not like she was whipping him through the streets, but the way antis talk, a slave being compensated for her years of service with a loom is the most heinous thing. Like, wow, Dany is so evil and such a bad ruler for this, right? *sarcasm*

Oh, they also say Dany is a bad and immature ruler because she throws fruits at Xaro. Even though Xaro is already someone she knows, and Dany doesn’t do this with anyone else. Apparently, things like this (or hanging her feet and not sitting in a queenly position) make Dany a “bad ruler”, despite the fact that this has little bearing in whether Dany is a good ruler or not (I mean, I think ending slavery and feeding her people are more important things than sitting correctly, but hey, since when Dany antis are reasonable or logical?), and in fact, Dany is usually very courteous:

In the afternoon a sculptor came, proposing to replace the head of the great bronze harpy in the Plaza of Purification with one cast in Dany’s image. She denied him with as much courtesy as she could muster. A pike of unprecedented size had been caught in the Skahazadhan, and the fisherman wished to give it to the queen. She admired the fish extravagantly, rewarded the fisherman with a purse of silver, and sent the pike to her kitchens. A coppersmith had fashioned her a suit of burnished rings to wear to war. She accepted it with fulsome thanks; it was lovely to behold, and all that burnished copper would flash prettily in the sun, though if actual battle threatened, she would sooner be clad in steel. Even a young girl who knew nothing of the ways of war knew that. – Daenerys I ADWD

They also talk about how Dany is bad for rejecting the peace, completely ignoring all the bad things that peace would bring, and how it benefited the slavers and was bad for the slaves. Oh, and apparently Dany is bad for wanting to forbid the fighting pits, saying that Dany should make regulations to stop people from being forced into the pits as if that was possible, even though the text shows us that it’s very difficult to avoid the fact that some people will indeed be forced and it’s difficult to regulate that, and that poor people would end up in this place.

They also talk about Dany’s mistake in leaving Astapor in Yunkai, ignoring the fact that this is wrong, Dany’s mistake wasn’t simply that she left, but that she left Astapor with no army, and that she left the masters in power in Yunkai. And none of these things make Dany a bad ruler in Meereen. These were mistakes that Dany did in ASOS, not in ADWD, because Dany was very inexperient and didn’t have good advisors. But Dany learns from these mistakes. Saying Dany is a bad ruler because of this makes no sense, because this happened in the past, and Dany has learned and will no longer make the same mistakes (and in fact, she doesn’t do the same mistake in ADWD, she doesn’t leave Meereen unprotected). But Dany antis expect Dany to be a good ruler from the very beginning even though she never had any experience before. They expect her to have never made any mistakes.

Finally, they talk about the wineseller’s daughter, and say that “It is one thing to torture someone you only suspect of being involved in a crime, but it is even worse to torture girls just to get at their father“, which is not what happened at all. First, we don’t know if they were girls, the text never says this. Second, the wineseller’s daughters were suspects. They were arrested with their father and were the only ones in the shop whe the poisoning happened. Dany is not “torturing people that she knows are innocent”. Like, I don’t like Dany allowing torture either, but I hate how Dany antis always distort what actually happened (usually by saying that the wineseller’s daughters were just little children that Dany knew were innocent”, which is not true), and I also hate how Dany antis use double standards and completely forget that torture is normal in this world, and even Jon Snow practices it (he does it for other reasons, but he does it). And this antis also conveniently ignores that once Dany realizes the Shavepate is forcing people to confess, she actually forbids torture (she is the only character to forbid torture).

Anyway, sorry that this post is such a mess, guys, I know it’s very badly written and disorganized. I wrote in a hurry, and mostly because this meta I just read annoyed me. But I think the post really shows how Dany antis will really do anything to distort things, and turn even the things Dany does right into bad things. The only “bad thing” here is the torture, but this is also a double standard against Dany. Anyway, is Dany a good ruler? Yes, she is.

[minah-delacroix]

At any price (Part IV)

Universe: Dynasty AU

Characters: Minah, Sungjae, Tyler, Tara, Ashleigh, Daniel, Lucas

Word count: 4,3 k

The blind spot

“The Lee Corp gift strategists are on their way, should I set them up in the study room?” Lucas, Tyler’s very handsome mentee, said as the two of them walked into the golden room on the second floor of the Lee Manor. It was just another morning at the Lee’s, and Lucas ever so helpful was running through Tyler’s day’s schedule. Coming from one of the richest families in town, Lucas Zhang was surely one of a kind. He possessed the killing looks of a pop star —or at least that was how Jane described him to anyone willing to listen—, the good manners of the only son of a very traditional, old money Asian family and the ability to memorize Tyler’s schedule by heart and put up with his oftentimes ridiculous demands.

“Please, do,” Tyler said, practically snatching the cup of coffee one of the maids was about to serve to Lucas before sitting at the head of the curved glass table where Tara usually hosted her reading club soirées, but that had been set up for yet another majestic breakfast that morning.

Living with the Lee siblings was quite an experience and despite having spent nearly a month under the same roof, Minah was not used to their extravagant way of living yet. Even for someone like her who’d grown up surrounded by otherworldly luxury and wealth, some of Tyler’s habits seemed over the top at the very least. Minah had uselessly tried to convince herself that having her clothes washed and ironed with lavender water imported exclusively from Provence for that purpose or having breakfast at different sections of the house every day were just little quirks, but some of the house’s codes made her frankly uncomfortable. Having Tyler’s maids following her around and offering to perform even the most common and simplest of the tasks was one of them. She still recalled the time one of the housemaids offered to undress her and brush her hair before taking a bath. According to Tara, it was just the royal pampering they had been trained to give, but Minah still found it odd. Royal court training or not, she didn’t want any woman touching her intimately.

Then there was the excessive food and the grand buffets each meal turned into. Minah herself was not too much of a foodie, so she considered the exaggerated amount of fine cuisine a waste of resources. That morning was no particularly different and a spread of breakfast classics laid out on the table: exotic fineries like British tea mixes Minah had never heard of before, macarons from Tyler’s personal patissier, small cakes with the Lee family’s coat of arms —two dragons intertwined by a cross flory over a per saltire field—, silver dollar pancakes with red fruits, toasted English muffins, four different types of yogurt, you name it.

“Good morning, Miss Delacroix”  Minah couldn’t help but smile that little satisfied grin of hers she reserved for men of his kind when Lucas sat across the table, bowing at her the slightest bit. Breakfast had suddenly become ten times more fulfilling with a man as beautiful around.

“Did you sleep well, darling?” Tyler cleared his throat, directing a fleeting, charming smile at Minah, who sat to his right dressed in a luxurious champagne peignoir that hugged every curve of her body. Then he eyed Lucas, pointing at the iPad with a very detailed schedule glowing on its screen.

“After the meeting with the-“ Whatever Lucas was planning to say, it was disrupted by his phone loudly ringing in the pocket of his Anderson & Sheppard jacket. He picked the call and almost immediately mouthed a “they’re here” to Tyler. Lucas pushed the chair back and stood up excusing himself with Minah with another bow before disappearing through the arched entrance.

“Is Mr. Choi up yet?” Tyler ignored the little pout Minah’s lip stuck out in and asked to no one in particular, though if Minah had to guess, he was talking to Mrs. Chu, his elderly Singaporean nanny.

“I’m afraid not” She replied, barely looking up from her phone. She was lounging on a chaise long, focused on her favorite mobile game. “He said he needed to catch up on his sleep,” She said before muttering to herself “As though he didn’t sleep enough already”.

“Well, please let him know I’ll be in the study room with the gift strategists in case he needs anything” Tyler reached to grab a pitcher of orange juice, but one of the maids standing nearby pounced forward to serve him.

“Gift strategists?” Minah asked, blowing softly on the surface of her cup of pine nut and apricot tea.

“Gifts for our clients” Tyler replied naturally “I mean, my family company’s” he corrected himself as the maid placed a bowl of fruit and greek yogurt in front of him “We are sponsoring The Royal Exchange's annual tree lighting ceremony this year. I thought we’d hand the gifts there-” He trailed off, a slightly concerned expression of disbelief crossed his face  “Don’t tell me, you forgot the year-end business presents for our company”

Minah shook her head fervently although Tyler was not mistaken. With the stress of dealing with her family and her mind occupied by thoughts of Sungjae, she’d completely forgot about the business presents she was supposed to prepare. “What do you take me for?” She chuckled “Of course Maison Envoûté has something in the works."  

“Do I get one of these gifts too?” Daniel Choi swept into the impromptu breakfast room and sat down across from Minah, admiring the food waiting for him.

“No, your life has been one big Christmas morning since you arrived” Minah faked a sweet smile at Tyler’s friend, who was meant to be visiting from New York for a week, but who’d already prolonged his stay a couple of times. Minah thought she had reasons to worry about him and how much of a distraction he’d represented since he set foot at the Manor. Tyler would often forget appointments because Daniel was around doing God knows what to keep him off his duties.

“You two behave, I’ll be in the study room,” Tyler said trying not to giggle at the way his business partner and his best friend looked at each other —as though they were planning each other’s funeral. “See you at the office, Min” Tyler gave Minah a quick soft kiss on the forehead before exiting the room, causing Daniel to fake retching noises.

“So what are you gonna do?” Daniel asked once Tyler was gone. Minah looked  over at him with a serious and inquiring face, so he added “About the client gifts you don’t have?” With an eye roll.

“Like I said it’s in the works” Minah glared at Daniel so forcefully she was surprised he didn’t retreat then.

“Tyler might’ve bought your act, but he’s nice and he gives people more credit than they deserve” He sneered as one of the maids offered him a basket of pastries. He picked a croissant. “I’ve been here two weeks and I already know you have a blind spot when it comes to thinking about other people” He looked like he was going to add something else but he thought better and simply forced himself to smile at Minah

“I have no blind spots. I see all spots.” Minah picked a strawberry and took a bite “Just like I see you eating your croissants while you may be desperately trying to claim a seat at this table” Minah watched satisfied the way Daniel’s face tensed up  “But you need to know that unless you’re a Lee or make business with a Lee, no one cares what you think” Minah popped the rest of the strawberry into her mouth, chewing slowly, her mouth twisting into a smirk as she stood to leave “Especially not me”

Daniel’s eyes followed Minah when she walked out of the room, a strange smile gleaming across his face as he piled mini croissants onto his platter.

Boundaries

“Hey, I need a shopping partner or an assistant whichever you’re in the mood to be” Minah called, walking into Sungjae’s house

Somewhere in between the charity football game and the present day Minah and Sungjae had a conversation that allowed them to get some things off their chest and agree to try and be friendly to each other. After all, they’d known each other for a long time, and ignoring each other’s existence was as uncomfortable as it was inconvenient, considering Minah still helped Aurelie with some of her family’s minor companies. That’s why Minah thought there would be no problem if she paid a quick visit to her new “friend”.

“A ride at the very least” she suggested, fixing the chain of her shoulder bag. Just as she reached his room, the door opened and Ashleigh walked through it. She didn’t seem surprised to see Minah, instead, she was fastening her belt with a hundred-watt grin crossing her lipstick smudged lips.

“Oh, I see someone already got one” Minah scoffed, trying to look unfazed and unaffected by the fact Ashleigh never seemed to leave Sungjae’s side.

“Have you ever heard of knocking?” Ashleigh asked,  walking out of Sungjae’s room and picking her bag from the console table in the hall.

A jab of jealousy nailed Minah in the gut. She could remember personally picking that table for Sungjae in one of the many home decor shopping sprees they went on when he first moved into the Delacroix property.

Suddenly the awful realization that it never was just sex swept over Minah. Sungjae meant a lot more to her than she ever admitted.

Obviously, now it was too late.  

“Oh, you mean I can’t just walk in like I own the place?” Minah questioned with a thinly veiled smirk. “Because newsflash, I do”

Ashleigh purposely ignored Minah’s words and reached to pick her coat.

“So how is the job going? Heard Mr. Rausing wasn’t too pleased after finding out you rejected our contract. Now he’s been chasing after us, desperately trying to get us to sign with him, offering us a bargain price for your textiles” Suddenly feeling vindictive, Minah said despitefully. "I guess I should thank you after all"

“The only job I want to talk about is the faux job you pretended to give my boyfriend” Ashleigh frowned. It was the first time the two of them met face to face after Envoûté’s launch party, so Minah wasn’t exactly shocked to find out Sungjae’s girlfriend was still furious at her. After all, she’d made her cry and leave the party early.

“Faux job?” Nevertheless, Minah feigned obliviousness “Wow that’s pretty classy, Ash” Ashleigh cast an exasperated glare at Minah, so she gave in “You know you could argue that me pretending to blow Sungjae was a good thing, you two came out stronger than ever-”

“Are you high on something?” Ashleigh forced a laugh. As if on cue, Sungjae step into the hall.

“What is going on?”

Minah shrugged innocently and Ashleigh, though still fuming, only turned to face her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him on the mouth.

Minah looked away, feeling an unpleasant twinge of jealousy.

“I was about to leave” Ashleigh put on her coat as Sungjae looked over at Minah questioningly “Maybe you should change your locks” The blonde woman gave Sungjae a peck on the cheek before walking out of his home.

There was a brief silent moment where Sungjae continued to look at Minah as if asking for explanations, but she had already started to walk toward the kitchen.

“Minah“ Sungjae called with a weary sigh, making her turn on her heel and look at him with those large Bambi eyes of hers that apparently had long ago lost their effect on him. Sungjae stood looking at her with his arms crossed over the chest, eyes hard as he regarded her with a raised brow.

“I would say she isn’t getting enough of you-know-what, but knowing you-“ Minah was interrupted by Sungjae’s severe sounding voice.

“Minah you can’t just barge in here without respect for boundaries,” Sungjae said, his lips twisted in disapproval.

“Boundaries?” Minah asked, eyelashes fluttering “I thought you agreed to be my friend”

“Yes, but Ashleigh doesn’t want to be your friend” Sungjae’s voice softened “Nor she wants to be reminded we were friends”

“I think you’re using friends as a euphemism, but I mean actual friends” Minah pursed her lips and then stared at Sungjae with something that resembled to pleading eyes, for a brief moment. But of course, Minah was a Delacroix, so her expression shifted automatically, turning a tad reproaching.

“Minah, you can’t expect Ashleigh to be cool after all you put her through”

Minah rolled eyes at that. What about what Ashleigh had put her through?

“You need to give us some space” Sungjae didn’t look amused, nor he’d sounded so serious ever before.

Minah took it as a cue for her to leave.

Sungjae’s Christmas present

“What is all of this?” Tara asked following Tyler into his office. The room smelled like an odd mix of cigars, fine chocolate, and scotch so she regarded Minah, who was sitting at her desk with an arrangement of colorfully wrapped gifts, with wariness.

“It’s the season to show our clients how much we appreciate them” Minah handed a list to Tara and Tyler as they sat across from her on a recently shipped Grand Model Sofa from Le Corbusier. “And to show our competitor’s clients what they’re missing out” she smiled proudly.

“Are we hosting another party?” Tyler asked confused, without even sparing a glance at the list.

“People forget parties as soon as their hangover fades” Minah was probably speaking from her own experience at the launch party but Tara nodded in agreement. “If we can butter up my family’s clients with a memorable present, maybe some of them will be willing to meet with us”

Tyler and Tara shared skeptical looks, but Minah was too busy sorting through the gifts on her desk to notice.

“Now, if you look through the list you can see some of the options-”

“Tara will help,” Tyler said giving a quick glance and losing interest the moment he noticed there were like 20 items on it “Choosing presents is exhausting, I can only deal with it once a year”

“Fine” Minah shrugged, concealing the disappointment in her voice quite well. She’d been under the impression Tyler wanted to pick the gifts for their clients himself, but she figured out the meeting with the gift strategists that morning hadn’t gone quite as planned. “Anyway, my family usually hands the gifts at their Tree Lighting Ceremony, so I guess we could send ours next week at the latest” she added, discarding all the items she’d been planning to show Tyler and putting them back in their respective bags.

“So you’re going to the Lighting Ceremony?” Tyler stood up and asked “casually”, which earned him an eye roll from his sister.

“Of course I am, I’m a Delacroix after all” Minah said distractedly.

“Wanna go together?” Tyler’s invitation made Minah and Tara stop on their tracks and slowly turn to look at him with matching looks of disbelief.

“Well…” Minah started, clearly flustered “I usually go with Sungjae” Tyler’s obvious reaction was to roll eyes while Tara’s face morphed into a grimace that looked like a charade clue for the WTF expletive. “But I figured out his girlfriend wouldn’t like that” Minah went on, picking her bag from the ottoman next to her desk as a new realization hit in. “You know what? I got the best idea for Sungjae’s Christmas present this year” She jumped to her feet enthusiastically.

“Space?” Tara asked, giving Minah a slightly cold judgmental look.

“No” Minah shook her head “I am going to make a new friend”

“Who?” Tyler blinked confused.

“Please don’t say-“ Tara started.

“Ashleigh,” Minah and Tara said in unison, their voices differing in tone.

—

It took Minah an hour to navigate through London’s traffic and make it to Ashleigh’s office on the 30th floor of some North London tower that once upon a time had been considered one of the ugliest architectural pieces in the city, but it had been revamped with vertical gardens that made an important ecological statement as much as they helped it to save face.

Minah had to take a deep breath before walking through the doors of IN-Eco Corp and remind herself that she was only there to show Sungjae how much she actually cared about him and that she was willing to do anything to keep him in her life. She would go as far as to call a truce with Ashleigh. Even if that implicitly conveyed a sign of weakness.

When Minah stepped into Ashleigh’s office she was on the phone complaining about a sponsor drawing back from a contract and how it would affect the company’s organic cotton farming project in Peru, but she was quick to finish the call as soon as she saw Minah.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt” Minah apologized insincerely. Actually, she’d meant to and she was glad Ashleigh picked the hint. “But, I brought you an invitation to the Annual Delacroix Tree Lighting Ceremony” Minah flipped her hair over her shoulder with one hand and pulled a red envelope from her clutch with her other.

“The Tree Lighting might be hosted by your family, but Sungjae is an employee and I’m going as his date, why would I need your invitation?” Ashleigh said, getting up from her desk. “Why are you really here, Minah?” Minah didn’t miss the way Ashleigh pronounced her name —the way someone would pronounce some offensive word.

“Sungjae is my friend and you’re his girlfriend” Minah started, trying not to react at the way Ashleigh moved her hands as if encouraging her to go on and stop repeating the obvious. “So it stands to reason that you and I are gonna run into each other a lot-”

“Is that a threat?” The blonde cut Minah off.

“No” Minah heaved a sigh, thinking about the lengths she’d go to make Sungjae happy with a strange sense of concern and mortification. “I'm just saying we all should be friends for all of our sakes”    

“So in other words, you want me to make it more convenient for you to spend time with my man?” Ashleigh raised her brows incredulous. Minah almost let out a chuckle at the fact Ashleigh referred to Sungjae as “her man”, but she had the sense to stop herself.

“Ashleigh, listen, this is not just about Sungjae” Minah offered her a fleeting smile “I would be the first one to admit that I could use a girl friend” Ashleigh laughed as though she couldn’t believe her ears. “Come on, Ashleigh, you’re making things more complicated than they need to be” Minah went on “It’s not like Sungjae and I were even in love” Ashleigh expression hardened upon registering those words “It was just office sex and booty calls”

“Tell that to him” Ashleigh glared at Minah

“Wait, what? Did he say it was more than sex?” Minah attempted to sound casual but was quick to realize Ashleigh wasn't fooled by her cool exterior and was picking up on her lingering excitement.

“And that is exactly why we can’t be friends” Ashleigh fumed, opening the glass door for Minah to leave.

Trying to move on

“Why are you still bothering that poor girl?” Tara inquired sternly, looking at Minah through her pair of frameless Chopard glasses. For someone as lenient as her, Tara seemed quite exasperated

“Well…“ Minah, sitting on the Pierre Frey rug, supported her left elbow on the sofa and placed her hand upon the chin. The two girls had been sitting in one of the lounge rooms on the second floor, supposedly working, but of course, they’d lost their track after Minah decided to share her visit to Northern London with Tara. “I thought that if I tried to be friends with her-“ Minah looked up from the list in her hands, sincerity radiating from her big hazel eyes, something Tara would’ve given Minah credit for if she had not been too busy frowning at her.

“Let-it-go, Min” Tyler’s sister clicked her tongue as though Minah had not spoken. “Close the door and let’s focus on this before Tyler gets back here. We’ll talk about this later when I have Jane backing me up”

Minah rolled her eyes. Tara was really not fun at all ever since she started hanging out with that Mark Yang boy.

“Well, Envoûté is supposed to be super innovative and eco-friendly” Tara started

“Well, if we go with tech it has to be cutting edge, something everybody wants” Minah meditated, her eyes straying briefly to the strong fire blazing in the fireplace

“So why don’t we give them that headphone-headband hybrid, but we make it couture?” Tara suggested.

“Here’s a tip, you can never go wrong with rum,” Daniel said entering the room, a glass with something that looked like a Negroni in his hands.

“Tell that to your parents, Daniel” Minah scoffed. “Look, this is a work zone, for people with jobs”

“Jobs where you can wear pajamas all day?” Daniel said, eyeing Minah up and down and looking at her silk set with reproving eyes. “Sign me up”

“Charlotte Casiraghi wore this last week!” Minah explained to Tara, almost scandalized Daniel was suggesting she was wearing pajamas. “You’ve clearly picked Americans’ bad taste, assuming you ever had it, of course,” Minah spat angrily.

“Whatever, I didn’t come here to comment on your clothes” Daniel started, eyes narrowing to slits “Though I would absolutely change before meeting the cutie that’s waiting for you downstairs” He shrugged before turning around ready to leave.

“Wait! Who is it?” Tara asked curiously.

“I think his name is Seojun” Daniel didn’t deign to look back at the girls before walking away.

“Sungjae?” Minah and Tara exchanged incredulous looks.

____

Ten minutes later Minah walked down the marble staircase into the entrance hall of Tyler’s home. It was a given that Minah Delacroix was always beautiful without even trying, but she looked almost ethereal dressed in white ruffled silk shorts and a bodice with thin straps that barely held the piece of fabric in place and showed more cleavage than her family would deem appropriate for someone of her status. Then there was the fact her hair gleamed against her clothes, spilling down her shoulders in loose waves.

Sungjae had to gulp and look away when she stood in front of him, eyes boring into his.

“What are you doing here?” She questioned, still feeling bitter about their last meeting.

“Well, you don’t seem to understand boundaries, so why should I?” Sungjae’s voice was tense as if he were keeping himself contained within his body. “Why did you go see Ashleigh?” His jaw clenched.

Minah snorted. “I was adulting. All I did was inviting her to the Tree Lighting Ceremony and she kicked me out of her office” She said, giving slow steps, trying to draw closer to Sungjae.

“I told you to give us space and you tried to sabotage my date?” Sungjae shook his head, tongue in cheek as if he couldn’t believe Minah was as tone-deaf.

“What?” Minah’s snort was equal parts confused and offended, she stared at Sungjae, eyes widening and mouth pressed into a fine line. “Wait, you’re taking her to the Tree Lighting?” Her voice was accusing and momentarily she allowed herself to look hurt. “But that’s our thing. I mean-” Of course Minah briefly forgot there was no such a thing as “we” —as in Minah and Sungjae— any more and by extension, there were no traditions for them to keep either, but the thought was so painful that she still went on. She needed a clear response “We always go together-” she trailed off.

“Minah, these boundaries aren’t just for Ashleigh” Sungjae said gravely, “They’re for me” He took a few steps forward, the heels of his dress shoes slightly clicked against the marble floor and before he noticed, he was standing face to face with Minah, so close she could even count his lashes. “I can’t keep doing this every day” Minah recognized the same tone he used the morning after he slept with Ashleigh. “I think about you when I shouldn’t and I need to get you out of my head before we fall back into what we had”

The tension between them was so thick Minah almost felt she couldn't pull air into her lungs. Sungjae’s words echoed through the ample hall and its almost 30-foot ceilings, causing Minah to shudder ever so slightly.

When she finally gathered the courage to speak, Minah felt like facepalming herself. Her breath shook as she parted her lips. “Would- would that be so wrong?” she asked, her hand moving to hold Sungjae’s before her brain could even process what she was doing.

“Yes” Sungjae watched their hands and briefly squeezed Minah’s in something that was probably meant to be a comforting and warm touch, but that only made Minah’s heart tremble in ache. “I’m trying to move on”

And with that Sungjae stormed out of the Lee Manor.

Meanwhile, Minah remained in the same spot, her stomach twisting in pain as she swallowed once, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“You startled me” Just when she was about to indulge in tears, the doors of the manor flung open and Tyler strolled in, clearly surprised to find Minah there, all dolled up. His eyes automatically settled on the curves of her breasts and the glowy skin of her cleavage.

“I- I was-“ Minah heard herself stammer “I was waiting for you to come home” she blatantly lied.

“Why?” Tyler licked his lips almost unconsciously

“I figured out I never gave you an answer” Minah smiled at him fondly, but he looked a bit confused, so she clarified “Do you still want to go to that Tree Lighting together?”

Tyler raised a brow for a fraction of a second, but then he threw a furtive appreciative glance at Minah and smirked, nodding his head.

Why would she ask such obvious questions was beyond him.

...

[sadncssfossilized]

sexuality troubles.

i’m so fucking confused. being non-binary/trans makes everything so fucking hard. i don’t know where i fit... anywhere on the sexuality spectrum. i have no idea if all of my attraction to men is real or if i’m forcing it on myself bc im afab. i don’t know if i’m bi. ive always wanted to be attractive to men ever since i was small i think as a coping mechanism because of trauma. but i’m also extremely scared of older men, even if i do find celebrities attractive. but a lot of male celebrities i straight up DONT find attractive at all, they’re like cardboard to me. i don’t know if that’s because i think a lot of hollywood white men hearththrobs look extremely bland/the same bc white society or if there’s something genuinely off with my attraction to men meter. ive heard people say that not being able to process whether a man is attractive or not is a lesbian thing. but i don’t feel like a lesbian. i don’t feel female. i love women, i have always known that, but i don’t feel like a woman and i don’t want to be a woman. i want to look masculine. i want to be masculine. i don’t want to be a girl anymore. i don’t want to be a man, completely, i just want to be.... not a woman. not a man. a nothing.

is it a preference or am i only attracted to women?? i loved being bi. i love the flag i love the options, and i don’t really process people’s gender’s except on a social level. ive never been close with ANY boys across my life, or even more than acquaintances because of my shy and reserved nature and i’ve never connected with any on a personal level both because of fear, being flustered, and feeling like they’re cooler and more superior to be and genuinely a different species so to say, so i don’t know if that has to do with my fear of being sexually involved with them. i’m always afraid men want the worst from me, and i always get the feeling that they are judging me based on my attractiveness to them and discard me mentally as soon as i am not and i hate that so much. i think because i’ve never known a boy truly and deeply, i keep prejudices against them and don’t think that they are as compassionate or HUMAN as non-men. but at the same time, i’ve always felt called to get self worth from their attraction to me. literally since pre-elementary. even if i think a guy is ugly i still base my worth off of if he’s attracted to me?? it’s automatic, and fucked up. i’m scared to go further than flirt with a boy. i’m scared to mess up conversationally , i’m scared of entering a relationship with one especially because i’d be the “woman” in it, and i don’t want to be fucked like a man fucks a woman. i want a queer man so i can feel safe and normal around him. straight men are an enigma to me. they scare me so much with their lack of societal awareness and cruelty. i feel like they don’t GET IT you know? but if i ever was to date one, since i’m pre transition and in the closet i’d have to pretend to be a woman and pretend to be okay with that. the idea of a man taking me like i was a woman makes me want to hurl.... that’s not the relationship dynamic i want at all.

all of my emotions toward men are so fucking conflicting. ive dreamed of kissing men before, fantasized about being soft with them, holding their hand, cupping their face and kissing them gently, but if they’re an irl i never fantasize about what they would be like sexually, land the idea kind of off puts/repulses me in a way. thinking of my irl women crushes kind of makes me feel the same way, but i’m more open to the possibility of that? ive never had a relationship with a man and only probably had like 1 male friend across my entire life, so my fear could be because of trauma + fear of the unknown + bc of my prejudices bc of my lack of experience + dysphoria. meanwhile, i’ve had 1 girlfriend and all of my friends have been female my whole life. ive just NEVER been comfortable around boys/men. which i feel like is less indicative of lesbianism and more of like. trauma haha. i sexualized myself at such a young age to cater to the boys around me and even to the adult men around me, it hurts to think about. i hate how trauma complicates everything. i don’t know why i have that impulse, i don’t know why it started. ive just never felt safe around a boy. i feel like they always want something from me. ive been attracted to them but i’m soo scared o f them. like, i always have something to prove, whether it be my personality or humor or attractiveness, just to stay in their presence.

nsfw incoming.

ive tried to jack off to a lot of gay porn and i think my men attraction meter is broken because so many of the men in gay porn are ugly/unattractive to me. straight up. in their face, and body. and the body ideals in the gay community, where i would fit in post transition, don’t.... resonate with me. like not to be crude but a lot of the body types of the men in here are unattractive to me, but then again it’s white dominated and caters to a very specific vision of a huge bubble butt, way huge thighs, overly ripped chest, bland ass white boy faces paired with ugly haircuts. is this what i’m supposed to be attracted to? the men i’ve been attracted to irl do not look like that. the men in gay porn are all so passionless too. (which is honestly an issue i have that makes jacking off to women in porn sort of difficult too??) i don’t know. i don’t feel like i’m attracted to men the same way gay men are. but then again, how would i know that? i don’t know any actual gay men. i just know from some porn blogs? some pornhub videos? i don’t fucking know. i jack off to images/videos of men very few times compared to how much i get off to women bc of my particularity . it’s more difficult, but it’s easier by when i think about how the man feels, like his pleasure, his sounds, his expressions, rather than the aesthetics of it all. not to say i don’t appreciate the aesthetics of some nice men- chris evans, frank ocean, rob mcelhenney, taika waititi, nice. which sounds like a very non-lesbian thing to say i would think, but i know a ton of lesbians who talk about celebrity men super raunchily and stuff, so i don’t know anymore and i don’t think i know enough about lesbianism to know whether these are lesbian experiences or not. the majority of men content ive jacked off to has been gay fan fiction, and that has actually been easy to get off to bc of the descriptions and the i can visualize characters and passion the way i want. it’s harder to do it with actual videos/images of men, because it’s so different in my mind and imagination m, but that may be bc gay porn can involve a lot of roughness/impersonal-ness? also i feel like i still have a certain degree of internalized homophobia toward both wlw AND mlm despite working through my acceptance of my sexuality for a number of years.

i just want a person. but i don’t know if it’s beyond my control who i’m sexually attracted to. my sexual attraction to men is a lot lower than to women, and it’s a lot easier for me to make them bland in my head and not be able to point out a unique thing about them . i feel like girls are more... distinct/easily alluring to me than most men you know. that may also be affected by how women actually know how to dress and look unique and men don’t really shift from 1 bland societal style, i don’t know. i don’t know. i want to be attracted to men. as a transmasc, i want to be gay. i don’t want to be straight. ive been gay all my life, and i don’t want to leave that label. i want softness and love. but men scare me, and i don’t know if it’s because of a tragic coalescence of bad life experiences (or lack thereof) or because of genuine lesbianism. ive talked so much about being bi, and even been called a confused lesbian before by transphobes, and ever since they said it i cant stop questioning. i feel like at this point i HAVE to be a lesbian or something, bc that’s how this shit goes in movies and stories. i don’t want to be a lesbian. i want to be attracted to men, i wanna be bi and be equally attracted to both, i want experiences with both in my mind, but irl i get so fucking scared and i don’t want anything to do with it. i don’t wanna be a straight transmasc and i also don’t want to become what transphobes have spent their time telling me i am. i want to be what i’ve always thought i’ve been, bisexual and transmasc. i was comfortable with bisexual, until everybody else kept telling me to question and it’s been eating me alive since. fuck. i don’t know anything. is this a preference and bad combination of a huge number of deeper factors or am i straight up NATURALLY not attracted to men? have i been lying to mhself? have all my attractions in the past been fake? this is gonna sound terrible but i don’t want to be a lesbian. it doesn’t feel right. and id be proving the horrible people right, and have to retract everything i’ve ever said about being bi to my following on my other social media. and i’ve said a LOT. and i’d also have to give up my admiration of my irl men crushes and male celebrities and their sexiness. all of this shit is so ridiculous but at least i’m being honest with myself with this post. someone help me haha

[drmedicsgamesurgery]

Danganronpa Togami Volume 3 Part 3 (Summary)

Short chapter so short summary today! Thanks for reading!

Thanks to @enoshima-pyon @shockersalvage​ @jinjojess​ @hopeymchope​ for helping out!

CHAPTER 12- Regarding the Metaphorical Replacement for Proximity

1.

“All in all, it’s really whimsical,” said the heir to the Ketouin Conglomerate, Hiroyuki Ketouin, “It’s amazing really, a great record. The world record holder of holding your breath, 22 minutes and 30 seconds, is Goran Colak. [1] I can’t compare to this kind of guy. First of all, I’d need to be in the car under the water..."

I didn’t listen to Hiroyuki’s jokes. I leaned on the back seat of the car and stared out the window, putting the flowing scenery into my vision: the unchanging landscape, only the forest on the horizon. But the railroad tracks have disappeared. Although I really want to know where I am, I’m too tired to use Borges.

"Miss, you look listless."

"Because Byakuya-sama is gone..."

"Cheers for Goran Korak!" Hiroyuki took a Pilsner beer out of the dashboard's storage box. "So has the young master contacted you?"

"No."

"He should have managed to escape."

"If that’s the case, why didn’t he contact me?"

"Maybe he was worried about leaking his location to an outsider like me."

"You are not serious, are you?"

"You don't have to think about what my real identity is."

"The Imposter said something similar. It’s ridiculous, only the right one is the most important."

Since I arrived in the Czech Republic, I have encountered many copies and imposters, over and over. Those people shouted that they were the real deal, but the glittering coats they wore were stripped by others, or they were uncovered, one by one exposing their identity as counterfeit, or they just simply died. Or disappeared. Or killed. I am me, I am a Togami, I have a clear and accurate understanding of this, but on the contrary, everything else seems suspicious. What if this place is actually not the Czech Republic, but a virtual space. I am actually sleeping in bed with VR glasses. Even if it was such a disappointing ending, I would probably not be surprised. Having said that, I don't want to write any lies in the biography of Byakuya-sama... "Journey Under The Midnight Sun", so even if this reality I see is all false, I can't erase this adventure. I want to write down the original reality, and neither hope nor despair can interfere. This description is like warehousing management. Some people may feel uninterested. However, this is the essence of biography. If you add fuel to your story, it is no different from fiction. It is already in a state of completion, and there is no need to add, delete or modify anything.

Hiroyuki takes a sip of beer before saying that Shinobu looks as if she is out of the mud, but just because she is the SHSL Secretary doesn’t mean she is perfect.

"I don't think anyone else can accurately distinguish between true and false like me, though."

"What was your first favorite book?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't worry so much, just answer. What was your first favorite book?"

“Small Pig.”

Shinobu thinks about the Author, Arnold Lobel, and how the version she had was a translated version of the original english story into japanese. It was something of a bedtime story for her.

Hiroyuki and Shinobu then start to discuss how translations in novels can end up being quite different to what the original work was intending, and that texts should always be read in the language they were produced in for the full effect. [2]

“Of course, there will be some subtle differences in meaning, but the degree of meaning would be very slight, right?”

"Well take for example a voice actor gets changed, someone will quarrel and say: 'It’s totally wrong! This is a fake!' If that happens, then you must read the original book when reading, don’t run from it, don’t be afraid either, you must be brave when facing the original text."

Shinobu wonders about how meaning behind text can be viewed differently by different observers, and how that would affect the outcome of how a work is observed. In this case, a translation of a text could change the meaning of a work to something completely different, and possibly much less profound in nature, without the intricacies of the original text. [2]

Borges then brings up a few quotes (#23232300), from people who are regretting getting into the translation business.

Hiroyuki brings up the story of a man who didn’t want to translate a prolific buddhist work into japanese, because the meaning wouldn’t be the same. Because you don’t know what the original story is, you would have no idea what changes would have been made by the translator to suit the language. Or alternately what parts of the story have been altered or fabricated.

He talks about how people who write in Sanskrit or Czech would never know the true story of “The Tale Of Genji” [3] because in truth, the versions translated into those languages was merely an abridged version of the story. A summary, if you will. This “light novel” version is inferior to the original product by its very nature in not being the original work itself.

Comparing modern language translation with light novel adaptation, I can’t help but admire this arrogant opinion. Indeed, this isn’t just as simple as moving a tray of food from plate to plate, but because of the different personalities and intentions of the writers and translators... or making bold explanations or making large-scale changes... There will be considerable changes in the content, which is quite different from what I have pursued in my biography. The biography I want to write is a true transcript. I only transfer the real things to the transcripts on paper. Even the consciousness of myself, the author, should be excluded. This is a perfect copy, which is what I wish to pursue. Due to the existence of the author, modern language translation and light novel adaptation will change the content. The shamelessness of this behavior is comparable to the dumping of organic garbage at a crime scene. In this sense, perhaps no book can serve as a model for “Journey Under The Midnight Sun”. It seems that what I want to do may really fall into the category of quantum mechanics. That's just what I think, at least-

"By the way… Where are we going?"

"There is a nearby town, the name is written on the navigation system. Hey, but how should this be read? Czech is really difficult to understand... Karlovy...Vary?"

"Ah, I know this place. It is a famous hot spring resort."

"A Spa," Hiroyuki turned his head despite being driving "You said hot spring, right!? The next volume of this book must be the pink bookmark route!! I can't help but get excited!"

"Oh no, it’s a drinking cure spring."

"Oh?"

“It’s not a hot spring, but a drinking cure spring to make your body healthier. The Czech Republic has this custom.”

"...I haven't been so disappointed for a long time.”

Hiroyuki exclaims that he hasn’t been so disappointed since learning secrets about various other topics, and hopes that Europeans will one day be able to understand the beauty of japanese style hot springs. Shinobu thinks about how every countries hot springs are different because their values are different. People who say things like "Only the Japanese can understand this kind of beauty" when visiting buddhist temples are self-righteous. She thinks about how big the world is and how even with common and uncommon sense, the world will never change. She is unlucky to have met so many fakes, imposters and counterfeits in the Czech Republic, and even though Hiroyuki is alive, Byakuya is still missing.

"It really is a whimsical world."

Hiroyuki commented this way, but it seems to me that "unreal world" is more accurate. Impossible things, unimaginable things, incredible things are appearing before me, but no matter how much I complain, the problems at hand will not be resolved by myself. Escape from this ridiculous world, or be swallowed up by this ridiculous world. To all of this insanity, I can only say one thing.

"I’m hungry."

2.

Shinobu and Hiroyuki drop off by a KFC. Even though it’s not Christmas time just yet, they still decided to eat there anyway. [4] They stuffed themselves, and Shinobu continued to eat in the car, and Hiroyuki cracks a joke that falls flat on its head and is so not funny I'm not translating it.

The Mercedes is now driving to largest resort in the Czech Republic. The Karlovy Vary Spa began in the 14th century, when Carl IV discovered the source of the hot springs here; however, the style of the spa area seems to be internationally shared, and it is reminiscent of the streetscape of the Noboribetsu Onsen and Ikaho Onsen. [5] [6]

"It seems that it’s still open," Hiroyuki looked out through the window. "That said, I can't take you sightseeing."

"How can they still be open in this situation?"

"Well KFC is still open."

“By the way, the spa in the Czech Republic is one person at a time according to the instructions. So please don’t have any strange expectations.”

“Oh yeah, why are you so familiar with this place anyway?"

"I... I did some investigation beforehand because I wanted to come to the hot springs with Byakuya-sama!"

"........."

"I have been looking forward to this trip."

Moving on from the subject, Hiroyuki thinks that Byakuya might have used the Kudan, though Shinobu points that no matter what happens Byakuya wouldn’t do it. Even when faced with absolute despair. Granted, she doesn’t know why he would seal it away either. To that, Hiroyuki believes that perhaps the re-assurance of it being sealed was better than than using the Kudan.

When they arrive at the hotel next to the drinking spring, Shinobu does a quick search with Borges. Apparently it’s a very luxurious hotel which accommodated many important historical figures such as Goethe and Beethoven. [7][8] But something seemed off. Even though the Czech government declared a state of emergency, many people who looked like tourists were in the hotel lobby. Hiroyuki comes back to Shinobu and says that he has booked a room on the top floor of the hotel.

She covers her face to avoid any assassin’s on the lookout, and they then head to the room. As soon as they open the door, Shinobu lays on the bed and falls asleep saying that she hasn’t slept properly since they came to Prague.

"It's good to get a good night's rest, helps you wake up more clear minded," Hiroyuki's voice entered my mind. "The most important thing about an article is not its writing, but the study beforehand."

3.

She wakes up all sweaty and with messy hair, so she decides to take a bath. While she is doing that, she thinks about where could Byakuya be and she remembers what he said.

“Wait for me.”

She still doesn’t understand what he meant, but she decides to have faith in Byakuya and just wait as he said. She didn’t want to put back on her old sweaty clothes, but she didn’t want to wear the bathrobe either. When she comes out of the bathroom, she finds Hiroyuki eating a Czech meal.

"Oh, Hello, Miss Beautiful."

Hiroyuki still made me feel more uncomfortable.

He asks her to sit down and eat, and even though she is not hungry (thanks to eating KFC) she still agrees. They start with some small talk, about different cultural cuisines, such as Roman, Slovakian and Czech, but they decide to get on with it.

It seems that if I want to continue the topic, I’d have to sit down with him. With a sigh, I sat down opposite of Mr. Hiroyuki Ketouin. There are many foods on the table that look like Czech food, although I don't know if it is. Roasted chicken with fat, and sour pickles next to it, mushroom soup, stir-fried pork with horseradish and spicy sauce, wrapped in a thin layer of fried squid, with aroma of charcoal. Lamb chops, oiled cheese, oyster steak, sour cream yak meat, mineral water, and his beer is still Pilsner beer. These meaty dishes are those of this country on lockdown. Surprisingly, looking at them, my stomach is hungry again. This made me realize that I am still alive.

Hiroyuki poured beer into a huge wide-mouth cup and called out: "Cheers!" raising the cup. I poured the mineral water into a classic glass and took a bite of cheese. In the suite where the sunlight shone through the large window at the rear, I enjoyed the food. If the person sitting across from me was Byakuya-sama, this would be a wonderful scene.

Translations notes:

[1] Goran Colak is a Croation freediver who currently holds the world record for holding breath underwater. His record is now at 23:01.

[2] Bruh, I am trying ok.

[3] The Tale Of Genji is a classic work of Japanese literature written by the noblewoman and lady-in-waiting Murasaki Shikibu in the early years of the 11th century. The original manuscript no longer exists. It was made in "concertina" or orihon style: several sheets of paper pasted together and folded alternately in one direction then the other, around the peak of the Heian period. The work is a unique depiction of the lifestyles of high courtiers during the Heian period, written in archaic language and a poetic and confusing style that makes it unreadable to the average Japanese without dedicated study. It was not until the early 20th century that Genji was translated into modern Japanese, by the poet Akiko Yosano. The first English translation was attempted in 1882, but was of poor quality and incomplete. 

[4] From December 1974, KFC Japan began to promote fried chicken as a Christmas meal, with its long running "Kentucky for Christmas"  or "Kentucky Christmas" advertising campaign. Eating KFC food as a Christmas meal has since become a widely practised custom in Japan. As of 2019, in Japan, Christmas sales of KFC made around Christmas Eve account for nearly five per cent of annual revenue.

[5] Noboribetsu Onsen is Hokkaido's most famous hot spring resort, offering as many as eleven different kinds of thermal waters, that are considered among Japan's best and most effective. The resort town consists of numerous (mostly large sized) ryokan and hotels with hot spring baths. Several of them open their baths during daytime to non-staying guests for typically 700 to 2000 yen. In addition, there is one public bath house located in the center of town.

[6] Ikaho Onsen is a hot spring town located on the eastern slopes of Mount Haruna. Known for its reddish brown, iron-laden thermal waters, Ikaho Onsen joins Kusatsu, Minakami and Shima Onsen as the four most famous hot spring resorts of Gunma Prefecture. The atmospheric old town area of Ikaho centers around the 300 meter long stone stairs which lead up through the middle of town and are lined by ryokan, old fashioned game arcades and shops. A few kilometers outside of Ikaho stands Mizusawa Kannon, a popular temple, well known for the udon noodles sold at restaurants along its approach. Mount Haruna with its beautiful caldera lake can also be easily combined with a visit to Ikaho.

[7] Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was a German writer and statesman. His works include: four novels; epic and lyric poetry; prose and verse dramas; memoirs; an autobiography; literary and aesthetic criticism; and treatises on botany, anatomy, and colour. In addition, numerous literary and scientific fragments, more than 10,000 letters, and nearly 3,000 drawings by him have survived.

[8] Ludwig van Beethoven was a German composer and pianist. A crucial figure in the transition between the classical and romantic eras in classical music, he is considered to be one of the greatest composers of all time. Beethoven was born in Bonn, the capital of the Electorate of Cologne, and part of the Holy Roman Empire. He displayed his musical talents at an early age and was vigorously taught by his father Johann van Beethoven, and was later taught by composer and conductor Christian Gottlob Neefe. At age 21, he moved to Vienna and studied composition with Joseph Haydn. Beethoven then gained a reputation as a virtuoso pianist, and was soon courted by Karl Alois, Prince Lichnowsky for compositions, which resulted in Opus 1 in 1795. The piece was a great critical and commercial success, and was followed by Symphony No. 1 in 1800. This composition was distinguished for its frequent use of sforzandi, as well as sudden shifts in tonal centers that were uncommon for traditional symphonic form, and the prominent, more independent use of wind instruments. In 1801, he also gained notoriety for his six String Quartets and for the ballet The Creatures of Prometheus. During this period, his hearing began to deteriorate, but he continued to conduct, premiering his third and fifth symphonies in 1804 and 1808, respectively. His condition worsened to almost complete deafness by 1811, and he then gave up performing and appearing in public.

To Be Continued.

https://drmedicsgamesurgery.tumblr.com/GameSurgeryDRTranslations

[snowbellewells]

CSRomCom18: While You Were Sleeping // Part Eight

Sheesh, I am so sorry it has taken this long to get the last installment of this fic to you guys!  I hope if you’re still reading, you’ll enjoy the happy conclusion (and the nods to the original movie, which I adore, along with those to Captain Swan and their relationship).  Thanks so much for reading this little movie AU.  I’d love to hear what you think!

Part Eight

by: @snowbellewells  (Also on AO3 with the same username and on ff.net as TutorGirlml)

Looking back on the next few days from the settled perspective of years later, Killian Jones was still never quite able to pinpoint when exactly things snowballed so quickly out of control. Doubtless, once his mother and grandmother learned Liam was awake and eager to reacquaint himself with the fiancé they had already fallen in love with and welcomed into the family fold, their enthusiasm swept things along at rather inevitable speed. Where he expected Emma to balk at being swept up in his family’s wake, or for Liam’s missing chunks of memory to return and remind him that he barely knew this woman everyone claimed he loved, neither did any such thing. If occasionally he caught Emma’s eye across a room full of fabric samples and bridal magazines, and wished to tell her that she could still call the whole thing off over the babble of his family debating chicken or fish at the reception dinner, he also bit back the protest at the look within her dazzling green ones. Yes, she appeared a bit overwhelmed, but it was more a pleading sort of fear if he read it correctly. She seemed to be begging him to continue keeping their secret, to help her spare these people they both loved pain, and not to toss her out in the world alone once more.

He could kick himself now. Had he realized sooner what he truly felt and how strong it was, he would have told her he was the Jones brother falling in love with every little quirk she possessed - from the way she snorted with laughter to the way she raptly listened to his gran’s stories no matter how long they stretched, or the way she could debate comic book minutiae with Nick to a true nerdish degree that clearly thrilled his younger sibling. This farce he’d drawn she and Liam into - no matter how well-meant his original intentions - was strangling them now, and it hadn’t  even been necessary. He hated to contemplate the anguished fallout for everyone if Liam did someday regain the rest of his memories - or the feelings Killian had always believed his elder brother still harbored for his first love.

Bloody prat that he was, he’d made a right muddle of things in his attempts to do right by all concerned. He accepted the fact that he had brought heartbreak on himself, but that he might have trapped Emma and Liam into a marriage that might never grow into love as he had first thought it could? That was unbearable. And the idea that Emma would bear the weight of anger and recrimination if the charade fell apart was also nearly more that he could stand. Yet, still Killian held back - no longer sure how to proceed and almost certain it was much too late to come clean. The damage had already been done.

~~~~~******~~~~~~******

Somehow, in a string of events quite beyond her comprehension, Emma knew that she was in this whole wedding farce well over her head, and with no way to swim back to the surface. All that time ago, when she’d jumped onto the rails and saved Liam Jones’ life, she had believed herself in love with him… or, at least the idea of him as he had appeared from afar. In all actuality, now that she had gotten to know him a bit beyond casual hellos and goodbyes in passing, he was every bit the pleasant and engaging gentleman she had supposed he would be, if a bit predictable and excessively proper at times.

For someone who really hadn’t even known her name or anything about her, he had been the model fiancé since waking up and being told she was his intended bride. The trouble was with Emma’s own disloyal heart - and of course, her uneasy conscience. She couldn’t escape the harsh truth that deep down she was deceiving Liam, that someday it would all come out, and he and his whole family would hate her for the hurt and unhappiness she could have prevented simply by being honest with them.

It wasn’t only that either. The other niggling reality which wouldn’t let her alone was that she knew now she didn’t truly love Liam Jones. Oh, he was still every bit as handsome as she had ever thought him; just as desirable and accomplished and successful - a true catch in every way but one. He wasn’t it for her. She couldn’t have known it when this whole fiasco began, but the Jones man she had longed for from afar was not the one who made her heart pound and her cheeks heat. He wasn’t the one who had shared his secret hopes and fears with her or come to know and understand her as she rarely allowed anyone to do. That was all Killian - and she had made it well nigh impossible for the younger Jones to love her in return.

Now, here she was in a side hall off the hospital chapel, wearing a ridiculously lacy confection of a white dress, about to marry the wrong man and quite possibly wreck both their lives because she couldn’t bear to stop being a part of something - a family - that she had never been allowed to experience before. Blowing out a short breath, Emma shook her clammy hands and tried to steel herself for the ceremony ahead. It suddenly seemed as if she couldn’t go forward or back, she was merely frozen where she stood with no right way out.

At that moment, David Jones, Liam and Killian’s father, appeared in the doorway that led through to the front of the small chapel, offering her a warm, comforting smile as he came to stand before her. He was happily standing to give her away (and gain her as one of his own at the same time), and he reached out to grip her upper arms bracingly as he faced her in the narrow hall, a calmly affectionate look on his face - just the sort of look Emma had always imagined a father of her own wearing when she had made him proud. ‘If he only knew the truth, he’d be anything but…’  her inner voice whispered unkindly, and Emma felt confession bubbling up her throat, just barely managing to clench her teeth and bite back the words that would make that accepting warmth on the older man’s face go cold. This was exactly how she had gotten into this mess. These people had given her the chance to know what a real family felt like, and she couldn’t give it up - no matter what kind of a liar it made her.

“Ready for the big moment?” David asked gently, his motions soothing as he first enveloped her in a hug, then straightened and offered her his arm to lead her down the aisle.

Emma merely nodded wordlessly, her mouth unbearably dry all of a sudden, and she found that her hand was trembling as she looped it through David’s crooked elbow. She could only hope he would chalk it up to normal wedding jitters rather than her emotions going haywire or her guilty conscience.

As if she didn’t already feel badly enough for all her repeated falsehoods, just as they reached the double doors that lead into the chapel down its center aisle, the Jones family patriarch leaned in to murmur softly, but with heartfelt sincerity, “I’m glad to have you joining our family.”

Drawing in a tight breath, Emma smiled, actually wanting little more than to be one of them as well. However, she also swayed on her feet slightly, wishing it weren’t with these sorts of strings and deceptions attached. Somehow it seemed she barely blinked and they had slipped through the entryway arm-in-arm and they were halfway down the aisle, an off-duty reception nurse Nick had enthusiastically enlisted playing the Wedding March on the organ in the corner to accompany their steps.

This was her wedding! And yet, Emma felt herself breaking out in a cold sweat, wishing there were some way she could pause, even for a moment, to bring things back under control. As they neared the altar at the end of the aisle, the spot for once witnessing a happy occasion instead of pleading, broken family of the critically ill and injured, Emma’s gaze landed on Liam, standing tall despite still having an IV pole next to him, fluids still feeding into his right arm. He, or someone in his overzealous family, had attempted to tame and slick back his normally riotous curls, and he offered her a hesitant but hopeful, genuine smile as she came to stand beside him, offering her his large and steady hand.

She placed her fingers in his grasp, hoping he would also forgive the trembling he must feel just as his father had. Biting her lower lip, Emma offered a tentative smile in return. The prospect of marrying this steady, caring man - one whom she had blatantly admired for some time - shouldn’t be filling her with hesitation and dread, and seeing his willingness to stand up with her, even not knowing how they had come to be together, nearly made her resolve to carry this whole thing through.

And then her eyes caught Killian’s over his brother’s shoulder where he stood as best man. The enthralling blue she’d grown used to glimpsing, gazing into her soul, was muted and pained, even as he too offered her a crooked smile. Clearly, he was doing his best to step out of the way, to help her keep her secret and to support his brother’s happiness, and so he said nothing. Yet Emma had come to know him well enough now to understand he had all the same doubts she was holding in, and unless she was only reading what she wished to see, a measure of the same pain and regret she wasn’t going to be able to ignore.

Standing there one moment longer, Emma let her eyes trace over Killian’s features once more before moving to Liam, David, and the faces of the rest of the Jones clan seated to her left. If she was about to ruin everything, she wanted to be sure to fix in her mind everyone she would be giving up, the family she could have had. Then she drew in a breath, squared her shoulders and faced her groom to finally admit the truth.

“Wait, please…” she interrupted, halting the music and drawing the rapt attention of everyone in the room. “There’s something I need to tell you...all of you.” She forced herself to meet Liam’s eyes steadily - he deserved that much from her - but gestured to the rest of his family around her.

Liam, for his his part, nodded kindly, indicating she should go ahead and that he was listening. Emma swallowed hard, trying to tell herself he wasn’t about to hate her. “I’m not who you think I am. I mean, I am Emma Swan, and I did save your life after you were mugged, but ...we were never engaged. One of the nurses misunderstood the situation when you were brought in. I only wanted to know that you’d be alright - but then everyone believed I was your fiancé before I could correct them. And then I met you - all of you - “ she glanced at Ruth, Margaret, Nick, and David. “You welcomed me into your home, made me a part of your family, and I - I just fell in love. I didn’t want to let you go.”

She ended with her eyes on David, a father figure like she’d never known before, and he had a near-comical look of stunned confusion on his face. “With me?” he repeated densely, trying to catch up and absorb all she had just told them.

A rather undignified snort escaped her - half laugh, half sob - as her eyes fell to her feet. Shaking her head, Emma raised her face once more to answer him. “Well, your entire family…. A-and your son.”

David Jones nodded, still not quite grasping her meaning, or the real problem. “Well, yes, obviously. Isn’t that why we’re here?”

With a teary smile, Emma had to shake her head ‘no’ once more. Gesturing around Liam’s solid form toward Killian, she clarified, “Not that son...that one.”

She heard gasps from their assorted audience, even as Killian took a step forward, eyes sparkling mischievously and one corner of his mouth tilting upwards with more confidence. “Killian, what did you do?” she heard his mother admonish, scandalized. Emma’s eyes met Killian’s despite the chaos quickly growing around them, and it was all either of them could do not to burst out laughing.

Even as the others began to stand and press forward, all asking questions and talking at once, Emma forced herself to turn back to face the older Jones brother, truly sorry if she had hurt him and needing him to understand that she had never intended any of this. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, under the hubbub rising in the room.

To her relief, Liam merely nodded in quiet understanding and stepped to the side, allowing Killian to move just a bit closer. The elder brother went to his gran, who looked to be swaying on her feet a bit stunned, and was clinging to Nick’s arm tightly. Emma bit her lip, relieved and desperately anxious to speak to Killian, hoping against hope that maybe all was not lost, only to have his mother accost him just before he could reach her.

Their eye contact broken, Emma’s heart fluttered anxiously in her chest, all her fear and self-doubt welling up once more. The room seemed to be closing in as questions flew and the ludicrous nature of what she’d done settled upon her. She needed to get out of there before she did anymore damage. Honestly, her decisions so far had caused Killian’s whole family enough stress and difficulty; hanging around hoping that they would let her back in after this was more than Emma felt she deserved.

In the midst of the clamor, there was suddenly a loud thump as the doors at the end of the aisle swung open again and hit the wall with the force. The sound of quick, determined footsteps charged down the aisle toward them. The small crowd of guests and family hurriedly parted to reveal a tiny spitfire of a brunette, hands on her slim hips and eyes crackling ferociously. Her petite frame was heightened by sky-high gold heels and a short, pleated skirt, but Emma sensed immediately that despite her deceptively fragile appearance, the woman was not one to be trifled with.

“Liam Jones!” the brunette demanded sharply, her voice causing the man in question to pull himself up straight as if snapping to attention. From the moment she had appeared, this woman had arrested Liam’s gaze completely, but now he was breathlessly focused on her awaiting her next words like air to breathe. “What is going on here?!?” she continued, her tone harsh with indignation, but a tremulous quaver almost lost beneath that made Emma wonder if this newcomer’s true prevailing emotion were not hurt more than anger. “You - you proposed to me!”

Liam’s mouth fell open for a moment, aghast, and even as he was floundering for words, he stepped forward to reach her saying, “Belle, let me explain…”  The room’s other occupants erupted in movement and exclamations once more.

Emma saw a break in the people nearest her and a clear path to the door. The woman, whom she now knew to be the elder Jones’ aforementioned first love, was her deciding sign. She had done more than enough to disrupt their lives, and the best thing she could do for the Jones family now was to get out of the way. Before Killian or anyone else could reach her to question her or try to convince her otherwise, Emma slipped out of the chapel, swiping uselessly at the tears that were already streaming down her face.

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

One week later…

Emma Swan was once more at her post in the Riverside terminal, listlessly checking tokens in a monotonous routine that she didn’t dare upset. The excitement that had broken her usual days had nearly undone her, and she would be better off simply doing her job, going home to Tink, some hot cocoa and Law & Order reruns, and leaving well enough alone.

Yet, despite her best intentions, Emma couldn’t help wondering how all of the Jones clan were doing. Had their gran recovered from the shock? Did David, Margaret and Nick hate her for her false pretense? And even more important, what had happened with Liam and Belle? Had the other woman understood what occurred? In truth, did Liam even understand himself how the convoluted sequence of events had led to her being his mistaken fiancé? Above all of these concerns however, the worry that truly pressed on her mind, pained her heart, and wouldn’t even allow her a peaceful night’s sleep was her concern for Killian. Did his family know he had kept her secret? Did they blame him for it? Did he, now that he’d had time to think? Initially, Emma had clung to the faint hope that Killian might still want to see her, might come to her apartment and find her again. She had thought there was something between them on the verge of acknowledgement when she didn’t go through with the wedding. But, as two days became three, then four, then five, she had resigned herself to the fact that she must have been wrong.

Reaching out to take the next commuter pass, Emma didn’t even look up to see the waiting passenger’s face. “Go on through,” she directed, beckoning  with a wave of the hand.

“Actually, Love,” a warm and familiarly accented voice addressed her clearly, “I’d prefer to remain with you, if you don’t mind.”

Emma’s eyes shot up in stunned realization to meet the brilliant blues of Killian Jones, sparkling playfully as he gazed back at her, wide grin stretching across his face with glee.

Seeing that he now had her full attention, Killian cocked his head to the side, playfully waggling his dark brows at her as he asked, “Well, Swan, did you miss me?”

Even as a loud bubble of laughter escaped her, a haze of unshed tears swam before her vision as she nodded vigorously, completely at a loss for words. It was as though she had dreamed him there before her and she couldn’t make herself believe he was real.

When Emma still didn’t give an audible reply, a chorus of voices began to chime in, causing her to realize they weren’t alone.

“Come now, Killian, don’t tease the poor girl,” Ruth’s gentle voice chided to his left.

“Yeah, let’s do this already!” came Nick’s impatiently excited addition. “Show Emma what you brought.”

“Aye, brother.”  Emma spared a glance just over Killian’s right shoulder to where Liam stood, the brunette from their near-wedding cuddled to his side and now smiling at her genially. “After all, if you’re afraid to go after what you want, you deserve what you get!” His words were obviously meant in jest, though she could see Killian straightening his shoulders as if galvanized into action, but Liam only gave her a small, forgiving smile and winked, letting her know things were well between the two of them.

She saw now that Killian’s entire family was with him, flanking him in support. And not one of them looked anything less than pleased. None seemed to be harboring her a bit of ill will, and a fear than had been weighing on her almost constantly slipped off her shoulders at the sight. Margaret Jones even had tears of sincere joy twinkling in her eyes right along with Emma as she nodded to  acknowledge the younger woman’s glance with a friendly smile.

“You - you’re all...here…” Emma stumbled to get out, flabbergasted with surprise and gratitude, and simply happy to see them all again.

“Of course we are, Swan,” Killian murmured, leaning in closer to the window that separated them, words meant for her alone. “However, I would like to come in there with you now. I’ve a question for you that requires at least a bit of privacy.”

Her wits finally restored enough to play with him a little in return, Emma smirked before shaking her head in mock regret. ‘It’s not allowed, sorry. You don’t have enough tokens.”

Killian gave a short nod, grin recognizing what she was doing and happily calling her bluff. Reaching into his pocket, he removed his hand, fisted around something Emma couldn’t yet see, and slipped it into the same slot where he had placed his token before. Letting his mischievous eyes glimmer at her in a way that couldn’t fail to take her in, Killian ran his tongue along his full lower lip, knowing Emma’s eyes were following the motion, and asked, “What about this? Will it do?”

To her astonishment, Emma looked down after hearing a tinkling metallic sound to find that Killian had dropped, not another few tokens as she had assumed, but an engagement ring, unmistakable in its beauty and meaning.

“Now will you let me in?” he asked more seriously, as she meet his eyes while blinking back tears, already nodding ‘yes’ vehemently and depressing the button which would allow him through into the small kiosk with her.

As soon as she was within his reach, Killian swept her up into his arms, and Emma wrapped hers around his neck, kissing him back and laughing for sheer joy as he rained kisses across her cheeks. “Can’t believe I nearly let you get away,” he whispered against her skin.

Emma offered him the most brilliant smile she could manage. “I’m so glad you didn’t,” was all she could really say in response.

~~~~~***~~~~~~~~***~~~~~

Liam asked her once when it was that she had fallen in love with Killian instead, and she’d answered him simply and honestly. Shrugging her shoulders, she replied, “That’s easy. It was while you were sleeping.”

Tagging: @searchingwardrobes @hollyethecurious @laschatzi @whimsicallyenchantedrose @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @revanmeetra87 @teamhook @branlovestowrite @therooksshiningknight @aloha-4-ever @linda8084 @vvbooklady1256 @bmbbcs4evr @the-captains-ayebrows @winterbaby89 @spartanguard @nikkiemms @cinnamonduckling @capswantrue @flslp87 @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @blackwidownat2814