#I already have some ideas for their evolutions

[vanillabox]

Redesigned my fakemon starters :))

[unproduciblesmackdown]

no, More active effort, More conscious consideration

[ryin-silverfish]

A Guide to the Chinese Underworld (and what it isn't)

As many FSYY and fox posts as there were on my blog, I am actually a huge fan of the Chinese Underworld mythos. Mostly because I was once a morbid little kid that loved reading about the excavations of ancient tombs, and found the statues depicting hellish torture in the Haw Par Villa "super cool".

Apart from the aesthetics, the history of its evolution is also fascinating. Most of us, Chinese or not, only know the most popular version of the Underworld——the "Ten Kings" system, yet that isn't always the case. So today, I'll start off with a short summary of that.

In pre-Qin era, there was already this generic idea of a "Realm of the Dead" called the Yellow Spring, Youdu, or Youming, but we know very little about it.

Then, in the Han dynasty, two ideas start to emerge: 1) the Underworld is a bureaucracy, 2) the God of Mt. Tai ruled over the dead.

This early bureaucracy might not function as an agent of punishment; the main focus was on keeping the dead segregated from the living so they wouldn't bring diseases and misfortune to the latter, as well as using those ghosts to enforce collective punishments upon people for their lineage's wrongdoings while they were still alive.

Post-Han, after Buddhism entered China and took root, its idea of karmic punishments and reincarnation and the figure of King Yama was merged with folk and Daoist ideas of the Underworld bureaucracy, and, came Tang dynasty, resulted in the "Ten Kings" system that first appeared in Dunhuang manuscripts.

It was very rudimentary and far from well-established, as seen in Tang legends, with some adopting the Ten Kings system, some sticking to the Lord of Mt. Tai and some favoring King Yama, and overall little agreements on who's in charge of the Underworld.

But the "Ten Kings" system would become the mainstream version from then onwards, used in Ming vernacular novels and made even more popular by folk religion scrolls like the Jade Records (Yuli Baochao).

As such, most points in the following sections will be based on the fully matured "Ten Kings" system of the Underworld, as seen in the Jade Records and JTTW.

What happens when you die?

(This is a fictionalized walkthrough of the posthumous fate of souls under the "Ten Kings" system. I try to stick to the very broad progression outlined in the Jade Records, but many creative liberties are taken on the details.)

Let's say there's a guy named Xiao Ming, and he had just died of a heart attack. Bummers. What now?

Well, the first thing he saw would be the ghost cops.

There isn't really an unanimous agreement on who these ghost cops are: they may be a pair of ghosts in white and black robes, wearing tall hats (Heibai Wuchang), they may have the heads of farm animals (Ox-Head and Horse-Face), or they can just be generic ghost bureaucrats. For convenience's sake, let's say it was the first scenario.

"Who are you guys and where are you taking me?"

"Glad you asked!" The taller ghost cop, being the cheerful one of the pair, replied. It wasn't very reassuring, considering that his tongue was dangling out of his mouth way further than it should. "I'm the White Impermanence, my sour-looking colleague here is the Black Impermanence, and we are taking you to the City God's office."

This City God, a.k.a. Chenghuang, is just like how it sounds: the divine guardian of a city, who also pulls double duty as the head of the local Dead People Customs Office. They are usually virtuous officials deified posthumously, and in JTTW, they fall under the category of "Ghostly immortals", together with the Earth Gods a.k.a. Tudi.

So Xiao Ming went with the two ghost cops——not like he had much of a choice, made his way through the long queue at the City God's office, and was now standing in front of a gruff old magistrate in traditional robes.

"Name?"

"Wang Xiao Ming."

"Age and birth dates?"

"21, April 16 2003…"

After he was done asking questions, the City God flipped through his ledger, then picked up a brush, ticked off Xiao Ming's name, and told him to go get his pass in the next room. More waiting in a queue. Wonderful.

"I never heard anything about needing a pass to get to the Underworld," the girl in front of Xiao Ming asked the ghost cops, who were standing guard nearby. "Is this a new policy or something?"

"Yeah. In the old days, we'd just drag y'all straight to the Ghost Gate." The ghost cop in black said, then muttered to himself, "Fuckin' paperworks and overpopulation, man…"

(This "Dead People Passport" thing was popularized in the middle-to-late Ming dynasty, as shown by the discovery of such documents inside tombs in southern China. )

(It might have evolved from similar passes to the Western Pure Land in lay Buddhism that recorded their acts of merits. Which, in turn, might be traced back to the "Dead People Belongings List" of Han dynasty, to be shown to Underworld bureaucrats so that no one would take away the dead's private property down there or something.)

Anyways, after he received his pass, Xiao Ming departed together with the rest of the bunch, to be led to the Ghost Gate. It was like the world's most depressing tourist group, where instead of tour guides, you got two ghost cops in funny hats, and the only scenery in sight was the desolation of the Yellow Spring Road.

They weren't the only travellers on the road, though. Xiao Ming noticed other groups moving in the far distance, behind the fog and the flickering ghostfire, led by similar figures in black and white.

It made a lot of sense; realistically, there was no way two ghost cops could fetch hundreds of thousands of dead people all by themselves.

(SEA Tang-ki mediums believed there were multiple Tua Di Ya Peks——Hokkien name for the Black and White Impermanences, working for different Underworld Courts.)

At last, the Ghost Gate stood in front of Xiao Ming, guarded by two towering figures. Normally, they'd be Ox-Head and Horse-Face, like what you see at Haw Par Villa's Underworld entrance.

However, older Han dynasty works like Wang Chong's 论衡·订鬼 also mentioned two gods, Shenshu and Yulei, as guardians of the Ghost Gate, who would use reed ropes to capture malicious ghosts and feed them to tigers, making them possibly the earliest incarnation of "Gate Gods".

So here, they were what Xiao Ming sees, standing side by side like proper doormen, silently watching herds of ghosts being funneled through the entrance.

The place was more crowded than a train station during the CNY Spring Rush; the ghost cops had already said their quick goodbye and left to fetch the next group of dead people, leaving the resident officials of the Underworld proper to maintain order and quell any would-be riots.

Now you started seeing the Ox-Head and Horse-Face guys, poking at unruly ghosts with their pitchforks and dragging away the violent ones in chains. Among their ranks were other monstrous beings, blue-faced yakshas and imps, but also regular dead humans who look 100% done with their jobs, like the lady who stamped Xiao Ming's pass when it was finally his turn.

After this point, Xiao Ming had entered the Underworld proper, and his next destination would be the First Court, led by King Qin'guang. Here, his fate should be decided by what is revealed in the King's magical mirror.

If Xiao Ming was a good guy, or someone who had done an equal amount of good and bad things in life, he'd be sent straight to the Tenth Court for reincarnation. However, if the mirror, while replaying his life events, had displayed more evil deeds than good ones, he'd be sent to one of the 2nd-9th Courts for judgment and then punished inside the Eighteen Hells.

Each of the Ten Kings was also assisted by ghostly judges. Many of them were righteous and just officials in life who had been recruited into the Ten Courts posthumously——Cui Jue from JTTW is one such example, while others were living people working part-time for the Underworld, like Wei Zheng, Taizong's minister.

We decide to be nice to Xiao Ming, so, after reliving some embarrassing childhood incidents and cringy teenage phases in front of a bunch of dead bureaucrats, he was found innocent and sent to the Tenth Court.

The queue here was almost as long as the First Court's, stretching on and on alongside of the banks of the Nai River. King of the Turning Wheel made his judgment without even lifting his head when it was Xiao Ming's turn:

"Path of Humans, male, healthy in body and mind, ordinary family. Next!"

Exiting the Tenth Court building, Xiao Ming saw the Terrace of Forgetfulness, standing tall before six bridges, made of gold, silver, jade, stone, wood, and…some unidentified material. Before he could get a good look at them and the little dots moving across those bridges, he was hurried into the Terrace by the ghostly officials.

Now, both JTTW and the Jade Records mention multiple bridges across the Nai River. In the former, there is 3, and the latter, 6. The bridges made of precious materials are for people who will reincarnate into better lives, as the wealthy, the fortunate, and the divine, while the Naihe Bridge is either the common option or the terribad shitty option.

However, the Naihe Bridge proved to be so iconic, it became THE bridge you walk across to reincarnate in popular legends.

Anyways, back to Xiao Ming. He found himself standing in a giant soup kitchen of sorts, with an old lady at the counter, scooping soup out of her steaming pot and into one cup after another.

This is Mengpo, the amnesia soup granny; according to the Jade Records, she was born in the Western Han era, and a pious cultivator who thought of neither the past nor the future, only knowing that her surname was Meng.

Made into an Underworld god by the Jade Emperor, she cooks a soup of five flavors that will wipe the memory of the dead, making sure they do not remember any of their past lives once they reincarnate.

It tastes awful. Like what you get after pouring corn syrup, coffee, chilli sauce, lemon juice and seawater into the same cup.

Such was Xiao Ming's last thought, as he gulped down the soup, and then he knew no more.

Things you should know about the Chinese Underworld:

1. It's not the Christian Hell.

Rather, the Chinese Underworld functions somewhat like the Purgatory, in that there are a lot of torment, but the torment's not eternal, however long the duration may be. Once you finish your sentence, you get reincarnated as something else, though that "something else" is not a guaranteed good birth.

Other people can also speed up the process via transferring of merits: hiring a priest/monk to chant sutras and perform rituals, for example, or performing good deeds in life in dedication to the dead, or they can pray to a Daoist/Buddhist deity to save their loved ones from a dreadful fate.

Interestingly enough, a thesis paper I read mentions that, whereas Buddhist salvation from the Hells was based on transference of merits——you give monks offerings and pay them to chant sutras, so they can cancel out the sinners' bad karma with good ones, Daoist ideas of salvation tend to involve the priest going down there, sorting it out with the Underworld officials, and taking the dead out of the Hells themselves.

(The paper also stops at the Northern-Southern and Tang dynasties, so the above is likely period-specific.)

2. Nor is it run by evil demons.

Underworld officials are not nice guys and look pretty monstrous and torture the sinful dead, but they are not the embodiment of evil. Rather, the faction as a whole is what I'd call Lawful Neutral, who function on this "An Eye for An Eye" logic, where every harm the sinner caused in life must be returned to them, in order for their karmic debts to be cleansed and move on to their next life.

They can absolutely be corrupt and incompetent and take bribes——Tang dynasty Zhiguai tales and Qing folklore compendiums featured plenty of such cases, but that's a very mundane and human kind of evil, not a cosmic/innate one.

This is just my personal opinion, but if you want to do an "evil" Chinese Underworld? It should be a very bureaucratic evil, whose leaders are bootlickers to the higher-ups, slavedrivers to their rank-and-file workers, and bullies who abuse their power over regular dead people.

Not, y'know, Satan and his infernal legions or conspiring Cthulu cultists.

3. The Ten Kings are not Hades.

Make no mistake, they still have a lot of power over your average dead mortal. But in the grand scheme of things? They are the backwater department of the pantheon, who only show up in JTTW to get pushed around and revive the occasional dead people.

When Taizong made his trip to the Underworld, the Ten Kings greeted him as equals——kings of ghosts to the king of the living. If they see themselves as equal in status to a mortal emperor, then, like any mortal emperors, they are subordinate to the Celestial Host, and the balance of power is not even remotely equal or in their favor.

Also, it isn't said outright, but under the Zhong-Lv classification of immortals JTTW is using, Underworld officials will likely be considered Ghostly immortals, the lowest and weakest of the five types, much like Tudis and Chenghuangs.

Essentially: they are ghosts that are powerful enough to not reincarnate and linger on and on, spirits of pure Yin as opposed to true immortals, who are beings of pure Yang.

It's pretty much the shittiest form of immortality, the result you get when you try to speedrun cultivation (the Zhong-Lv text also made a dig at Buddhist meditation here), and if they don't reincarnate or regain a physical body, there is no chance of progressing any further.

Oh, and fun fact? In the Song dynasty, commoners and literati elites alike believed that virtuous officials in life would get appointed as ghostly officials in death.

However, the latter viewed it as a punishment. Which was strange, considering how they still held the same position and the same amount of authority, just over dead people instead of living ones, so there should be no big losses, right?

Well...it was precisely the "dead people" part that made it a punishment. See, a lot of the power and prestige they had as officials came from the benefits they could bring to their families and kins and native places, as well as the potential wealth and reputation bonuses for themselves.

A job in the Dead People Supreme Court would give them the same workload, but with none of those benefits. Since all the dead people had to reincarnate eventually, they couldn't have a fixed group as their power base, or keep their old familial ties and connections. At most, they could help out an occasional dead relative or two.

Like, working for the Underworld Courts was the kind of deadend (no pun intended) job not even living officials wanted for themselves in the afterlife. That's how hilariously sad and pathetic they are.

4. In JTTW at least, they aren't even the highest authorities of the Underworld.

That would be Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha, who is technically their boss, though he seems to be more of a spiritual leader than someone who is actually involved in running the bureaucracy.

Which makes sense, since he has sworn an oath to not attain Buddhahood until all Hells are empty, and his role is to offer relief and salvation to the suffering souls, not judging and punishing them.

Now, historically...even though Ksitigarbha in early Tang legends was still the savior of the dead, he seemed to be unable to interfere with the judicial process of the Underworld, merely showing up to take people away before they were judged by King Yama.

However, in the mid-Tang apocryphal "Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha" (地藏菩萨经), he had evolved into the equal of King Yama, with the power of supervision over his judgements. By the time the Scripture on the Ten Kings came out, in artistic depictions, the Ten Kings had become fully subservient to him.

5. Diyu usually refers to the prison-torture chamber part, not the courthouse, nor is it the entirety of the Underworld.

And for the majority of souls that haven't committed crimes, they'll only see the courthouse part before they are sent to reincarnation. That's why I personally don't like, or use the name Diyu for the Chinese Underworld: I prefer the term Difu ("Earth Mansions"), which encompasses the whole realm better.

Also: even though historical sources like the Scripture on the Ten Kings and Jade Records seem to suggest that the dead were just funneled through this Courthouse-Prison-Reincarnation pipeline with no breaks in between, in practice, that isn't the case.

According to popular folk beliefs, after the dead were done with their trials/sentences, they stayed in the Underworld for a period of time and led regular lives, while functioning as ancestor spirits and receiving offerings.

Which would imply that the Underworld had a civilian district of sorts, populated by regular ghosts, making the whole realm even less of a direct Hell/Purgatory equivalent.

6. It is located in a different realm, but still part of the Six Paths and doesn't exist outside of reality.

In Buddhist cosmology, like the Celestial Realm, the Underworld is part of the Realm of Desires and thus subject to all the woes of samsara.

The pain and misery of the Path of Hell may be the worst and most obvious, but becoming a celestial being isn't the goal of serious Buddhists either: despite all the pleasures and near-infinite lifespan they enjoy, they are not free from samsara and will eventually have to reincarnate.

So if, say, the world is being destroyed at the end of a kalpa, all beings of the Six Paths will perish alongside it, leaving behind a clean slate for the cycle to start anew. The dead won't all end up in the Underworld and face eternal damnation.

7. The Black and White Impermanences would not appear in the Underworld pantheon formally until the Qing dynasty.

The concept that when you die, you get fetched to the Underworld by petty ghost bureaucrats is already well-established in Tang legends, but these were just generic ghost bureaucrats in all sorts of colorful official robes, with yellow being the most common color.

The idea of there being two specific psychopomps in black and white would only become popular in the Qing dynasty. Mengpo is kinda similar: although she existed before the Ming-Qing era as a goddess of wind, venerated by boatmen, her "amnesia soup granny" incarnation came from the Jade Records.

[genericpuff]

ten storylines u think could have been amazing in lo if they had been handled better?

10 already feels like so much for a story like LO buuttt:

1.) the act of wrath plotline, seriously this one felt like it had some of the most lost potential as one of LO's more unique plotlines (and it lost that potential as soon as it was turned into some "oopsy" committed by persephone due to her wrath being a 'gift' from eris when she was a baby??? still bugs me so much ugh) give me back that dichotomy of Persephone and her internalized wrath, dangit.

2.) the Eros and Psyche plotline. it started off so promising as a parallel B-plot to H x P and then seemed to just get dropped halfway through S1 when Psyche got turned into a nymph.

3.) Echo's involvement as a double agent for Zeus. that was clearly the intention when she was introduced but then she was promptly dropped and only showed up again to say "fuck you Zeus" with zero build-up or implication that she had a change of heart. Like imagine if we actually saw her leaking info back to Zeus but then also getting closer to Hera on a personal level and realizing that she didn't want to keep snitching on her. it would have also made the 'big reveal' of Hera kissing Echo a lot more impactful because then they would have had an actual story arc.

4.) Persephone's character development into becoming the Dread Queen. Right now the story wants us to think that Persephone is somehow "better than ever" despite the fact that her version of the "Dread Queen" is being an absolute Karen. But think of how it could have been if her character de-evolution was the point, to show how Hades had corrupted her. Or if they were meant to be actual shitty people and not shitty people that the narrative was trying to convince us were good.

5.) Hades' and Minthe's relationship. It goes without saying that Minthe was wrong to turn to physical violence, but I'll die on the hill that Minthe wasn't being treated fairly by Hades, either. Those three flashback episodes in S2 leading up to Minthe getting turned into a plant were such a missed opportunity to showcase how Minthe became as bitter as she did towards Hades and what their relationship was actually like in the beginning (and why they liked each other in the first place which they very clearly did) but instead it just dragged its heels because obv Rachel didn't want people empathizing with Minthe.

6.) Ares being used as a tool for war by Zeus. It's clear being sent off to these wars is taking its toll on him and it's created a steep divide within the family, especially concerning how protective Ares is of Hera esp when it comes to how Zeus treats her.

7.) The Aphrodite / Hephaestus plotline. Good god I have no idea what the thought process was behind this one, some of the myths she kinda got away with flipping but this was the one that made the least sense to flip. There was so much potential there that was squandered, a lot of it at the expense of Aphrodite and Ares as traditionally powerful and respected gods.

8.) Hades' alcoholism. Minthe was right, simply falling for Persephone and dropping the cigars and brandy to make himself look better for her doesn't make him a changed person. If the alcoholism was linked to his trauma, why didn't we explore that more? Why couldn't we have seen him actually pursue proper recovery and have it not just be "I'm hot for the 19 year old girl but if I'm drinking constantly that'll make me look bad so I'm just gonna put on the best fake persona I can to make her fall in love with me" instead of actually getting to the root of his issues?

9.) The SA plotline. As much as I talk about how shitty it is, I have zero issue with the original depiction of it, I think it was very accurate especially when it comes to coercion. A lot of people assume SA has to be violent, kicking and screaming, begging for help, but coercive assault is often a lot quieter and more about manipulation which that scene nailed in depicting. It's just everything after that that feels completely misfired and more so for the purpose of making Hades look like a better person simply by comparing him to Apollo on the basis of "he never assaulted Persephone!" and it drives me nuts.

10.) Demeter's winter. In the most recent FP episode, while discussing it with pals, all I could really say was, "This was supposed to be a retelling of the Abduction of Persephone". And Demeter's winter is a core part of that story, one of its biggest purposes in Greek culture was using the myths to explain the creation of the seasons. Despite this being a "retelling" of the Abduction of Persephone / Hymn to Demeter, one of the most important characters in the entire myth has been reduced to, at worst, a Mother Gothel Disney villain, and at best, a pointless NPC.

[ch3rriiii-bunn]

Muzan with a demon that constantly changes to suit their needs (like if evolution was simple and easy to do). if they needed to get away very fast, they'll sprout wings and fly home. If they need to get something in the water they'll become scaley & fishy and breath water.

Seeing as Muzan hates change and has stated so... What if their s/o was like that?

Shape shifter

Paring: Muzan x Demon!Gender neutral reader

Synopsis: Muzan hates your shape-shifting (to a certain extent because I wanna make it cute)

Content: reader is a shape-shifting demon, mean Muzan, some wholesome moments, soft muzan (a little), reader taking on/turning into animal like forms, my stupid humor, Muzan being a cat person.

Word count: 0.6♡

A/n: AHHH THIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA OMG. I'm gonna write it in headcanons :3

Muzan. Who hates your shape-shifting at random times. Muzan, you and gyokko heard there was a magic lake that healed humans without any medicated water. You heard the rumors, so it was your job to take Muzan and Gokko there. Muzan was about to order Gyokko to do a search drive in the lake but you, decided to take it upon yourself to dive in with the appearance of a half fish half woman, almost like a mermaid to start the search. "They're good!" Gyokko said and looked at Muzan, who's now shaking his head in filtration.

They watched you emerge from out of the water and swim back to Muzan. "I didn't find anything- AHHH!!" You screamed as Muzan began to throw salt on you, knowing full well how sea creatures react to salt. "Change back! Now!" Muzan said, and gyokko tried to stop Muzan, but he also got hit with salt as well.

Muzan. Who will take advantage of your useful blood demon when nessacary. Nakime fell ill, and Muzan needed to get somewhere quickly due to his busy schedule. When you heard your boyfriend master Muzan, needed to get somewhere quickly, the frist thing you decided to do was shape-shift yourself into a harpy. You flew, holding Muzan's arms with your claws and you looked down to see his grumpy/annoyed expression.

"That bird version of hantengu taught you how to do this, didn't he?" Muzan asked, and you nodded happy. "Yes, his name is Urogi," you said to Muzan, but he scoffed. "Yeah. You smell like him, too. Fucking disgusting" he said. You weren't paying attention and ended up crashing into the tree.

Muzan. Who needed you to catch a really fast slayer with yellow hair. The reason? Muzan couldn't stand the bright color, and so you got down on all fours, shape shifting to have the appearance of a cheetah. "When I said get him, I didn't mean like that!" Muzan shouted as you ran off and already stressed out with how stupid you look.

You stopped running and sat down exactly like a big cat. "So... should I turn into a car? I don't think I can do that," you said, bringing your paw to your chin to think meanwhile the yellow haired slayer had run away further. "GO FUCKING GET HIM" Muzan screamed.

Muzan. Who arrived at the main spot in the infinitely castle where upper moon meetings are held. "Oh wow! You really did it! Look at that Akaza-dono," Douma said. They hadn't noticed Muzan's arrival yet, and he raised his brow, moving a bit closer to see what Douma and Akaza were so invested in. Muzan noticed you used your blood demon art to shape shifts into a small cat.

He didn't even know you could ever do that, especially at this tiny size. "Mm. I didn't think you could do it. Good job, I love cats." Akaza was about to pet you when he realized his own hand had fallen to the ground next to you after being severed. "Huh?" Akaza and Douma said, relaxing that you were also gone. They look behind them and froze in fear.

"How dare you touch my significant other," Muzan said, his voice rough as he glares at Akaza and Douma. Before they could explain themselves, they heared loud purring sounds. "...Master. I think you've taken alike to one of your significant other appearances" Kokushibo leaned down to Muzan's height, snapping him out of it to realize his thumb was rubbing your cheek. When muzan realized what he was doing, he just dropped you.

"Idiotic is what it is.." he said angrily and walked away with you still as a cat following him. However, the upper 3 could see Muzan actually found this form cute since they got a glimpse of the blush on his cheeks.

[redheadspark]

hawuu could I request 12. "we should really get up." "we should....but we won't." With Druig

Thank you

A/N - HAWUU! I love this request for Druig, thanks for requesting this dear friend!

Sun Kissed

Summary - Druig just wants alone time. That's all

Warnings - Just some fluff

The first thing you hear in the morning is crashing from Phastos’s lab, which then brings along the chorus of bickering from the other side of the door into your room.

“What did I tell you about touching my equipment, Sprite?!”

“Not my fault it’s lying around all over the floor!”

The body behind you was grumbling and snuggling into you as you rubbed your eyes with your fingers. The room was still dark, your bed remaining cool against your skin as the Domo energy was humming along the thick dark walls and under your bed along the floor. You knew instantly that it was very early in the morning, some of the morning sun rays were not even coming into your room just yet on the Domo, but it was already starting to be chaotic 

“This has to be a new record in how early they start fightin’,” the voice behind you groaned out as you heard another crash from the direction of Phastos’s lab.  

“SPRITE, I SWEAR TO—“

“WHY IS IT ON THE FLOOR IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!”

“Can we go on our own for a few days?” You asked in a yawn as you felt some kisses pressed against your bare shoulder, “I just need a few days of sleeping in…not waking up at the crack of dawn to—“

A third crash, you groaning in defeat as you rolled to be sprawled on your back and looked up at the dark ceiling above you.  An arm was thrown over your waist, and a small chuckle was heard at your side as the body was now perched up on one hand.

“I’ll talk to Ajak and see if we can have a getaway this upcoming weekend,” You looked over to see Druig watching you with alluring eyes.  You loved seeing him in your bed, you two already establishing that you were a couple just like Ikaris and Sersi.  Although Ikaris and Sersi’s relationship seemed more formal in front of the others, Druig was fine with it.  He had no issue in wishing to kiss your cheek in public or hold your hand whenever he could. Of course, there were times you had to tell him to reel in the public affection, in which he would wait until you two were truly alone to unleash all of his love for you.  

“What makes you think she’ll let two Eternals go off on their own?” You asked him as he cocked a grin at you, “Ajak barely lets Ikaris and Sersi have their own time together,”

“Well it’s because it’s Ikaris and Sersi,” He replied with a shrug, “Ikaris won’t waste an opportunity to be the golden boy and get all the accolades of being second in command,”

“Quit being mean,” You lightly scolded him with a smack on his arm, though you both were laughing at what he said.  

“What?  It’s true!” He huffed, “And as for Sersi….well I have nothing bad to say about her.  Just Ikaris,”

You just rolled your eyes as Druig leaned down to wrap you in his arms to kiss you good morning.  You melted in his embrace, feeling his hands sprawled on your backside and some of the sheets starting to descend down both of your bodies as you hummed along his lips.

“Druig, we should really get up,” You murmured against his mouth as he kissed you again.

“We should…..but we won’t,” He replied as he kissed your chin and tickled your sides to make you chuckle, “Honestly, we have no meetings this morning and we can stay in this nice bed for as long as we want,” 

Of course, the idea was beyond inviting and tempting, not wanting to go do chores or any walks of patrol amongst the humans, no need to hunt deviants since they were gone in the area.  In all fairness there was already talk about you all moving on from this small city since you’ve done all you can do to aid the humans in their evolution, finding another rural area that had plenty of Deviants running rabid. Ajak was giving you all a few more days until the Domo was going to uproot, which was both bittersweet and yet thrilling at the same time.  

“Then let’s stay in bed then,” You stated, Druig grinning widely as if he won a prize while you pointed a finger at him, “But not all day!  I would like to go see the ocean again before we leave this city,”

“I’ll take us,” Druig agreed with you as you ruffled his brown hair with affection, “I wanna make sure your tan glows again from being in the sun, “

“Oh, so you wish for me to get a sunburn like I did before?” You asked him coyly as he laughed and shook his head.

“You know that’s not what I want. And I recall giving you that soothing plant lotion that Makkari would use on herself to ease your skin.  I still have extra, so I can give it to you if it does happen again,” Druig informed you.

“You’ll massage it in with your fingers, like last time?” You questioned him in an alluring manner, Druig rolling his eyes as he leaned in to kiss along your neck and jawline to make you feel like you were melting into your sheets.  No matter the image he would put on in front of others or in front of humans, he was always a softy when it came to you.  Especially in your shared bedroom and your shared bed, it was where he felt the most secluded and the most vulnerable.

Plenty of moments were held in that bed.  Moments of joy and happiness as you two would laugh together and talk about the day.  Moments of sadness and grief, you hiding Druig as he cried in your embrace or you weeping in his arms from seeing the tragedies that happened to the humans.  Many triumphs and trials were shared in the very bed you two were nestled in, and it felt like your own little place of worship.  

“I’m at your command,” he vowed softly against your neck, his lips moving lower and lower as his fingers were starting to dance along your skin.  Of course, you were letting him, not wishing to break the magic that was swirling in that room thanks to Druig and his soft affection.

However, another crash was heard from the lab, and Phastos’s screaming in agitation was heard.  Druig sighed in defeat and fell on top of you as you giggled.

“We need alone time,” He grumbled against your neck.

“That we do,” You replied in agreement.

The End 

September Prompt Session

[azaleaniath]

~ AO'NUNG X FEM!HUMAN!READER ~

human tsakarem

summary: after the battle, Parker Selfridge leaves his daughter with the humans that formed an alliance with the Na'vi. She grows up to become a scientist herself and moves to Awa'atlu to keep an eye on Kiri's health. There she meets Ao'nung who can't keep himself from being curious about her.

includes: guns, foul language, falling in love, insults, lil' dash of angst, arguments, mentions of death, rejection, courting, fluff, reader being a little brat, avatars

word count: 9.9k | SFW

A/N: OMG I've had this idea for a while now. I know some things don't make sense like being able to have a call from earth to pandora but just imagine it ok? Leave your thoughts below! Also if you see typos, blink. U didn't see anything, nuh-uh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The airship stood ready. Only a few humans were allowed to stay on Pandora and Parker Selfridge wasn't one of them. Neytiri's and Jake's eyes followed him as he stood in line, walking up to the airship with slow steps, his head hung low in shame and guilt. As he passed the couple, Jake had to hold his mate back from scratching his eyes out. It didn't stop Parker from walking up to them, barely finding the confidence to look them in the eyes.

"You know this isn't over?" he mumbled, but Jake didn't say anything. He only gestured him to board the ship. Parker swallowed heavily, turned to leave but ended up facing the tall couple again.

"Sully, I know I cannot ask this of you but... earth is no place for a child to grow up..." his voice was not much more than a whimper. Jake could see his wet eyes through his oxygen mask as he began to shake.

"She's all I have left, she's not responsible for my mistakes. I can't take her back with me, she's still too young for the cryo capsules. She will die, Jake."

For a second, the ex-marine's mask fell. He pursed his lips, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"And you want me to take care of her?" Jake asked while Norm and Max approached as well.

Parker hesitantly nodded with his teeth clenched.

"I beg you..." he whimpered as shameful tears blurred his vision and his shaking intensified.

Neytiri didn't understand much of their conversation, yet she had figured out what he wanted. A man like him had only few to none weaknesses, but his daughter was one of them, probably the only one.

"I can't take her with me..." Parker whispered as more tears filled his eyes. Jake gave his two colleagues a questioning look and they shrugged.

"We're already looking after Miles, a playmate in his age can't hurt his evolution" Norm shrugged and Max copied his expression.

Jake only sighed and even Neytiri calmed down. Even if his daughter was a human, she was innocent. She couldn't hate a baby that had done no harm.

Parker's eyes switched to Norm, his shameful frown turned into a slight smile.

"You would take care of my little girl?" he asked for clarification, and the scientists agreed. What could one more human do after all?

~~~

It's been many years since that day where your father departed. He continued to live on earth, the planet that fell apart while you grew up on pandora. The scientists took good care of you even if they sometimes had the urge to simply throw you out into the wilds without your exopack. As you got older, Norm always shook it off as going through puberty while Max insisted on it being the genes of your father. An annoying teenager with a big mouth. A brat. An absolute pain in the ass, as the doctor liked to call it.

"Hey princess~" Miles, better known as Spider, sang from across the room, mocking you with one of the many nicknames your father gave you whenever he called from earth.

You looked up from the table you sat on, dropping the papers you held in one hand.

"Look, it's the monkey boy." you mumbled back unimpressed.

After all these years you had grown up like siblings, living together for all your life, but you wouldn't call him a friend. You two were way too different. Sometimes you even fought because of all the differences between the two of you.

He approached you with a grin, hiding something behind his back.

"I got you something!" Spider exclaimed as he took a seat on the table before you.

"How about you get yourself a detangling brush first?" you lifted one of his dreads with two fingers, dropping them to hit his face while your expression twisted in disgust.

Now it was Spider's turn to roll his eyes. "Good, then I'll keep it."

You crossed your legs and leant back against your chair, holding one hand out to him.

Spider crossed his legs too and dropped something into your hand. As you retrieved your hand you took a close look at the object he had placed in the palm of your hand.

"You gifted me... a piece of wood?"

"That's an arm ring! I've spent weeks carving it, you better be thankful."

With a confused look you tried it on but it slipped up to your elbow right away.

"Bit large, is it?" you scoffed, watching the wooden accessories dangle around your arm, checking how far it went up.

"You made me a collar, dude."

He only huffed and shook his head.

"I know what I made. Just wait, you'll see. Happy birthday you ungrateful brat." While Spider got up and left, probably to see the Sullys, you took a close look at the arm ring until Norm and Max walked in with a tablet.

They were currently on a call, so you didn't bother. Only when you heard your father's voice you sprung up and sprinted over to the two scientists, snatching the device from Norms grip, much to his dislike.

"Daddy?" an excited smile spread over your entire face, "can you hear me?"

You saw his visage on the monitor, he was dressed in one of his button shirts, as usual. Had you ever even seen him in other clothes anyways?

He had a little delay, but as soon as he saw your face in the camera his expression matched yours perfectly.

"Hey, my little princess, I'm sorry I couldn't call you earlier. Happy birthday sweetheart, how is my pretty girl doing?" he asked you as you sat down on your desk, leaning the tablet against a microscope.

You ignored the discussion about your audacious behavior between Max and Norm in the background and focused on the call with your father.

"Well, it would've been better if I would've gotten the cake that I specifically asked for!" The two scientists rolled their eyes as you raised your voice towards the end of your sentence, sending death glares to the two men who still argued how long it would take for Parker to come back to Pandora to kill them if they actually locked you out of the labs without your exopack.

"I'm sorry my dear darling, there must have been a misunderstanding. You'll get your cake, I- wait, what are you wearing, princess? What is that?"

Your father's look was struck with concern as he noticed your cropped tight shirt.

"Oh yeah, I cut it off. It's cool, right?"

You got up and spun around, but Parker only sunk his face into his hands.

"They let you run around like this? And your pants, what's this?"

"These are cargo shorts, dad. Calm down."

"Yeah shorts! They're too short! My princess, please put on some more clothing, will you?"

With a frown you looked down on yourself, not seeing an issue with your outfit.

"Good thing you're gonna have to change soon anyways."

You didn't understand why, until Norm and Max finally walked up to you after calming themselves.

"You know that you haven't been allowed to go to the med station, right? And now I can finally tell you why, my dear. Daddy organized for you to get your own avatar, isn't that cool? You get to connect with it and then you can go out and play!"

"Selfridge, we talked about that. It's dangerous out there, this is no playground." Max interfered, but Parker just shrugged while you squealed and cheered in excitement, clapping your hands while hopping on your chair.

"When do I get to try it out?! Can we go now? I can't wait to get outside without this annoying mask!" you asked Norm and he led the way.

"It's all ready and waiting for you."

~~~

You quickly got used to your avatar. The scientists weren't fine with the fact that you went outside in it alone, so you mostly snuck out without their knowledge getting scolded as soon as you returned, also by your father. He wanted you to live a happy and safe life on pandora. Sometimes you went out with Spider or the Sully kids, learning how to hunt and survive, but the Na'vi half breeds didn't take you in like they did with Spider. In the lab, you learned a lot about science. The older scientists taught you everything about all kinds of biological and medical knowledge. Even if you had a big mouth, they could at least work with you, and that made it a lot more bearable for them.

As the Sully's had to flee from their home and Spider was also missing, things changed for everyone. You still stayed in the lab until one day, your godfathers stormed in, telling you to pack up and get everything into the helicopter as soon as possible. He explained on the way to Awa'atlu what had happened and that Kiri needed medical help.

You were in your human body as you landed, jumped out of the helicopter and grabbed your med bag.

Many metkayina had gathered at the shore as the Samson landed. They were visibly terrified of the helicopter and, even more than that, afraid of Max and you since you both were humans.

Jake told his oldest son to keep everyone away while Lo'ak hurried over to you as well.

"Where is she?" you called out loudly, your voice fighting against the noises of the rotors. Lo'ak quickly lead the way, passing through the villagers which gave you all terrified or angry looks. They had been told that you were here to help but that didn't keep them from being frightened and yet curious.

You followed Lo'ak, making your way through the teal skinned giants as quickly as possible. Close to the marui that Kiri layed in someone blocked your path, gazing at you in curiosity. You looked up to the young metkayina man and clicked your tongue.

"Get your blue ass out of my way!" you snarled in perfect Na'vi, much to the boy's surprise. His blue eyes widened as he stared at you completely dumbfounded, jaw dropping as you pushed him away fiercly, leading him to stumble backwards.

His breath hitched at your touch. It was the first time in his life he had ever been in physical contact with a demon. There was something boiling up deep inside of him. No matter how much he wanted to murder those sky people, he was curious about your fierceness. He wanted to know more about you somehow. You were only a tiny little creature from another star and you still didn't seem to be scared of him the slightest. He blinked a few times, being completely perplexed by the fact that you just pushed him off and walked past him, the future olo'eyktan without the slightest bit of respect.

While Neytiri freaked out about her daughter you listened to Lo'ak who explained what had exactly happened to Kiri, so you got everything ready to run a few checks on the unconscious girl.

Soon, Norm in his avatar and Max rushed over too.

"Why did you bring this little missy anyways?! As if she's of any help!"

You heard Jake hiss, his fangs flashing.

"She has learned a lot, Jake. We taught y/n and believe it or not, she knows what she's doing." Norm answered, getting the equipment ready with you and the other scientist.

"Call me missy again and I'll sedate you, Sully." you growled while getting out more utensils from your back.

Jake watched you closely as you measured Kiri's blood pressure.

"Don't forget who I am. Without my father you'd still sit in that silly wheelchair. He payed your blue legs, remember that." you added, your eyes meeting his ones for a moment and he internally swore he'd kill you if you wouldn't be helping his daughter right now.

"Your father might be rich but that's not gonna help you here, so drop that attitude and do your thing!"

You simply rolled your eyes before refocusing on the unconscious Na'vi.

The three of you tried your best until Neytiri finally took matters into her own hands and Ronal, the metkayina tsahik worked her magic.

During that time, you decided to have a talk with Jake and your godfathers.

The problem was that they wanted someone to run test on Kiri regularly now, but they were both needed in the Hallelujah mountains. All eyes landed on you.

"Oh, and how exactly do you plan on doing this, smart heads?" you scoffed, crossing your arms in front of your chest. Max brought up the idea of bringing one of the link shacks over here, together with your avatar so you could take care of Kiri. The decision was made quickly and Jake went to ask Tonowari for green light, dragging you with him.

He led you through the village, the metkayina still stared at you in curiosity and angst. As you stood before the olo'eyktan you greeted him traditionally and in fluent Na'vi.

The tall man eyed you with curiosity as well, but spoke to you soon.

"You're a human tsakarem?" he asked, supporting himself on his staff.

"More or less. I'm a-" you thought about a way to translate it to him in Na'vi, "an explorer, a student. I learned about plants and animals, Na'vi too. I can heal people to a certain point too, yes."

He understood and nodded in silence while he mustered you closely. Next to him, two younger Na'vi appeared, also glancing at you, up and down.

One of them you had seen before, it was the guy that stood in your way earlier. His eyes especially drilled into your body.

The two of you tried to explain to the metkayina why they needed you here and how you had imagined it to work.

After careful consideration he allowed it and granted you to do as planned. It was the first time that their clan collaborated with a human, but if it was needed to ensure Kiri's safety he saw no other option.

During the entire negotiation, Ao'nung had circled you like a predator his prey but you weren't surprised. Bothered? Maybe.

~~~

Norm, Max and you went back home only to pack your things, prepare a link shack and bring it over within 24 hours. The three of you set everything up as quickly as you could.

Tonowari and Ronal watched the entire scene. Their daughter Tsireya had helped you carrying a few things into an empty marui where your avatar could rest properly.

Meanwhile their son Ao'nung was rather spooked by you which didn't keep him from annoying you. He stood next to his father but came closer to touch the link share for not much more than a second.

You watched him in confusion. 'As if my link shack is gonna kill him..' you thought and shook your head.

Lo'ak and Neteyam came to help you as well. As the younger brother passed you held him by his arm.

"Don't tell me that's the future olo'eyktan?"

Lo'ak huffed and nodded.

"Already beat him up with Neteyam some weeks ago. He's really a pain in the ass. Almost like you~" he teased.

"Like me?" you repeated in disbelief, raising your eyebrows at his words.

"You're both some offspring of men with influence, have a big mouth and you both have a problem with your attitude."

"One brat is already too much. Please don't befriend him, I can't even take one of you at a time." Neteyam chimed in before Tonowari called you, gesturing you to come closer and you did.

He had chosen his two children to help you get to know these lands better and shared that information with you, much to Ao'nungs disliking while Tsireya hoped to learn from you.

You turned on your heel, an unamused frown showing on your face before you called out to the brothers in english.

"You really had to jinx it, huh?!"

As your eyes wandered over to Tonowari's son, his gaze met yours. He was not happy about his father's decision but the knew that there was no point in arguing to he swallowed his protest and simply clicked his tongue.

Tsireya made her way over to you and kneeled so she was on eye level with you.

"How does this... thing work?" she asked, "what does it do?"

You mustered Tsireya from top to bottom. Even if she was still careful, Lo'ak seemed to be cool with you, and she trusted him.

"Come, come." With one hand you gestured her to follow you in, walking up the bright yellow metal stairs. The noise they made left Tsireyas ears twitching, but that didn't keep her from getting up, touching the iron stairs with her hand first before she followed with feather light steps. You held the door out for her and closed it as soon as she was in the airlock.

She didn't understand what you were doing as she crouched and observed how you pressed a few buttons.

"Don't get scared." you warned her with a monotonous voice. Before she could ask, a weird sound, too loud for her taste, filled the airlock and she could feel a windy breeze all around her body as she covered her ears.

You however took off your mask in relief and shook your hair a few times, taking in a very deep breath.

"Ahhh, this is so much better!" you cheered, running a hand through your hair.

The metkayina girl watched how you dropped yourself in your office chair, legs crossed.

"Look around, but don't touch anything."

The Na'vi did as you told and scanned the entire shack link. It was indeed rather small in here, but that explained why you were in your human body.

As you watched the ocean in the distance you took another deep breath. This was your new working place now. Far away from Max and Norm. From the forest, from everything you had known.

~~~

Tsireya was eager to learn from you to share her knowledge with her mother while Ao'nung circled you in silence. He often watched you through the window while you were working and he eventually grew more and more curious about all these devices. And about you too.

You got yourself a petri dish and marked it with a sharpie. Tsireya had brought you some local plants as samples so you could examine them closer. With one hand you adjusted your headphones that you wore during work. The cap of the sharpie was held by your teeth until you put it back onto the marker so it wouldn't dry out.

Once you placed the petri dish onto the table you turned to get yourself another petri dish as you looked up to a teal wall. Ao'nung towered you, blocking your way as he leaned over your shoulder to see what you where doing.

In panic you dropped the sharpie and raised your hands to rip off your headphones, shrieking loudly.

"How the fuck did you get in, idiot?! What are you doing here?!"

Ao'nungs eyes narrowed before he gestured towards the door. Sitting in your chair you were absolutely tiny next to his tall figure. You gulped as he came even closer but only to look past you and onto the table.

"I watched how you always get in. I'm supposed to be looking after you, remember?" he mumbled coldly before he straightened his back, hitting his head on the ceiling, causing the lamps to dangle around.

He hissed before he held his head and his empty gaze turned into a frown.

You clicked your tongue and facepalmed at his clumsiness, but it didn't stop there. As Ao'nung turned around he wiped half of your table with his thick tail, including the petri dish. The sound of glass shattering had you both flinching.

"Hey, careful!" you shouted at the man before he continued to check out the link shack. Your scent filled his airways and his pupils dilated. The sweet smell was everywhere, but apart from your desk it was strongest on your bunk bed and the link unit. With two fingers he poked into the silicone-like bedding of the link unit, slightly disgusted by the feeling. He got closer to the monitor next to it and accidentally turned the machine on with a few touches and presses as he tried to get a feeling for the material.

As soon as you were done cleaning the glass shards off of the floor and sorted the papers, books and other stuff from the desk back to where they belonged you charged after him.

"Stop fucking touching everything, god damn!" you hurried over to the link unit, squeezed yourself past Ao'nung and slammed the big red button to stop the machine from loading.

The boy only grunted and looked around some more, fumbling some objects in curiosity. You took a deep breath before exhaling with a loud frustrated yell, yet you silenced yourself as you heard your tablet ringing.

Too bad that Ao'nung stood closer to the device and grabbed it at the wierd noises it made. The screen showed something he couldn't read and two big circles.

"No, Ao'nung, you give me that right now! I swear if you press the green button-"

Before you could end the sentence he had done exactly what you told him not to do, just to see what would happen. There must have been a reason for your pale face as soon as the tablet made these alarming noises.

"Hey my pretty- y/n? Y/n?! Who is this, where is my daughter?!"

Ao'nung watched the tiny human that showed up on the display closely, baring his teeth at his foreign language and his aggressive tone.

"Dad, don't worry, I can hear you, I'm all good."

"Who is this savage!? What is he doing in your link shack, princess!?" Ao'nungs tail whipped angrily as your father got louder.

"He's a mess, daddy, that's what he is. Can you hang up and I call you back later?" you groaned as the metkayina boy growled, his fangs peeking out from between his lips more. Parker was completely confused what this indigenous boy did in your link shack and why he could only hear you but not see you.

"Are you alright? My sweetheart, please don't tell me you found yourself one of these indigenous monkeys!?"

Instantly you felt your face heating up at his words.

"Dad, no- what? No, he's supposed to be teaching me but right now he's just turning my shack upside down- I'll call you later, it's a long story. Can you please hang up? I can't reach my tablet cause this dumbass took it!"

The metkayina only growled louder and puffed his chest, tapping around on the screen wildly and ended the call accidentally. It probably was better anyway.

"Who is this demon?!He's not one of your people, is he?" he barked and dropped the device, you caught it in the last second before it could fall onto the ground.

As soon as you put the tablet away you grabbed the end of Ao'nungs queue and dragged him towards the airlock with all your force. He hissed in pain but gave in. Once you had gotten him into the airlock you sprinted back in and barricaded the metal door as quickly as you could. With one arm you supported yourself against your desk, panting quietly.

"Get out right now! You've messed up enough, idiot!" Ao'nung sent a deadly gaze through the window, still growling in fury. His ears tilted flat against his head and he turned on his heel and left in frustration. You held your forehead with one hand and sunk your face into your palm.

'Great... How do I explain this to my dad.."

~~~

Ao'nung wasn't allowed to get into your shack ever since. Tsireya on the other hand came around often, sometimes even for hours. You learned from each other, about the local plants and animals. Both of you were fascinated with the knowledge of each other and you took notes about everything, sometimes with Norm on the line to exchange some informations directly. You checked on Kiri every now and then, taking her blood tests and scans as Max had taught you.

Sometimes your father called too, to see how you were doing.

"You're telling me that Spellman and Dr. Patel took your link shack and avatar to an island far away to study there and take care of Augustine's daughter?!" Everytime you remembered his words, you pursed your lips and facepalmed yourself mentally. At least all of this left you with more freedom since you could come and go home whenever you wanted and work until the early morning without the scientists scolding you.

You walked through the village with a few leafs you had collected for research, passing your avatar's marui in the village. For a second you froze as you heard a familiar voice from inside.

"What is this?" you heard Ao'nung mumble, so you decided to take a peek in. He crouched next to your avatar and examined it closely. He held your arm up to check your hand closely. "Four fingers and a thumb, like the Sullys..."he mumbled to himself and compared your hand to his own. With crossed arms you watched him mustering your body curiously, fumbling with your tail.

"Baby tail..." he huffed, shaking his head with a grin that was hidden to you since you faced his back.

This was your chance.

Silently stepping backwards until you were out of range you turned around and sprinted to your link shack.

He lifted one of your avatar's lids. Yellow irises, like he had expected. As he let go, he noticed that your eye stayed open. "Oh, shit!" he whispered in panic, carefully trying to lower your lid. Both of his hands were held up and he prayed that he didn't break anything. A cold shower ran down his back, hoping that your eye stayed close.

He was about to run off quickly but you were quicker and ripped both eyes open, grabbing his wrists tight.

Ao'nung screamed, eyes wide open himself. As he tried to pull his arms away he lost his balance and fell onto his back. Once you let go of him he crawled as far away as possible until his back met the wall of your marui.

He felt a drop of sweat rolling down his forehead while his chest was heaving, jaw to the floor.

You sat up, unable to hold your laugh at his ridiculous look.

"You-" some more laughs escaped yoir lips, "you should see yourself!"

Ao'nung wasn't amused at all. He tried to calm and collect himself, returning to his usual cold gaze before he simply got up and left. Still laughing out loudly until your belly ached you followed him to the shore.

"Very funny, y/n." his eyes rolled at his own words.

"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to see me in my avatar?" you giggled, holding one hand on your belly, but Ao'nung didn't even look at you.

"How could I? You locked me out of your demon box."

"Demon box?" you repeated in amusement, "more like 'your rage room'"

He had never heard that before but it was pretty self explanatory, even to him. With a loud call he had an ilu coming his way and he signalled you to get closer.

"My turn to have fun. Get on."

You huffed as the ilu rose it's head out of water, greeting you with a few fin slaps on the surface.

The look on his face told you that he wasn't joking around.

"I've never done this-"

"I know. But you are here to learn, so get on."

As the lesson ended, Ao'nung was indeed the one to laugh, much to your dislike. Yet it had fascinated you to learn about Awa'atlu. The animals, the ocean, the metkayina culture and also about Ao'nung. There was something about him that worked like a magnet on you.

~~~

As the weeks and months went by in no time, you found yourself spending a lot of time with him as well. He thought that, in your human form at least, he was always five steps ahead of you, but your big mouth and attitude easily kept up with his despite being half his size.

Like every day you sat on your desk, examining more plants. Ao'nung had gathered them at the bottom of the reef for you since he could hold his breath longer than you.

It was a pretty wholesome gesture. It felt like getting a bouquet of flowers. Many times you had woken up to some new samples in the airlock of your shack, but he was too proud to tell you that he had brought them. His sister on the other hand had shared this information with you.

A loud knock made you straighten your back and look to the door. Ao'nungs face was showing through the window next to the airlock, so you raised your hands and shoulders as to ask what he wanted. He pointed at a fish he held, so you decided to roll your chair back and grabbed your exopack to meet him outside.

Being the impatient brat he was, he opened the outer door and stepped into the airlock.

"You're not getting in here ever again!" you called out and gestured him to get back out, but he didn't listen. He pressed a button to his right which filled the small cabin with oxygen and opened the inner door.

"What did I tell you about my shack?!" you barked and blocked his way with the door and your petite body.

"Let me in."

You leaned against the door as he tried to push it open, but it didn't help much, you had no chance against him.

"I'm not touching anything."

"You better not, moron."

With that you closed the door behind him and walked over to your medical equipment, loading a tranquilizer gun, just in case. You quickly wrapped the belt with the gun holster around your waist, closing the buckle on the side.

Ao'nung placed the fish on a metal table on a corner as you turned back to him.

"My sister, uhm... she told me to bring you this." he muttered, scratching his neck with one hand, looking around to ensure he wasn't touching anything again.

"Your sister?" your brows furrowed with a sceptical look on your visage. "I didn't know she goes hunting too?"

"She doesn't but... i think she said she got it from one of the hunters."

Lying wasn't his stronghold.

You leaned against your desk and looked back to the bright colored fish before the corners of your lips curled up and your eyes softened.

"Then tell this random hunter that I am forever thankful for this rare, exquisite sample."

Ao'nungs eyes were gleaming in happiness, no matter how hard he tried to play it cool. His wagging tail betrayed him.

"Noted."

"This is the first time i get to see this species with my own eyes. Whoever caught it must me a mighty hunter. Well, too bad it wasn't you." you grinned, then crossed your arms.

Ao'nungs ears turned to you with his mouth agape before his eyes narrowed again.

"As if I care that much about you."

Awkward silence fell upon the two of you as you observed each other closely. In order to change the subject the young man cleared his throat, looking around your shack.

"What were you doing there?"

He pointed at the microscope and leaned in a bit, supporting himself on his knees. As you looked down to the desk you decided to take a seat, then waved him over to you. Ao'nung came closer and looked at the microscope as you leaned against the lenses, correcting the settings so the blurry image became clear.

You retreated and leant back into the chair, pulling the tranquilizer gun from it's holster.

"Look through here. But don't touch anything or I'll shoot a dart into your blue ass that will put you to sleep within seconds, you get that into your smooth brain?"

Ao'nungs eyes widened as you held the gun up to him, so he lifted his hands to his shoulders as if he would surrender.

He did as you told him to, examined the piece of tissue with an open mouth.

"What is that?" he mumbled, observing the structure of the cells he could see for the first time in his life.

"We call it microscope. Anything looks thousands of times bigger under there. I'm sure I could almost see your brain with that thing." you huffed, lowering the gun a bit as you noticed Ao'nung holding still and completely losing himself in the complex cell pattern.

He stared for quite a while before you got another sample from the fridge and switched the glass slides.

"These are the corals that someone got me two days ago."

He carefully supported his hands on the desk and you could see him smile at your words. Over the next thirty minutes you showed him some of the rarest and most unique samples you had collected over the last months. Neither of you would've thought that this actually interested him. Or was he just interested in what you were doing? Ao'nung himself couldn't tell.

"These look incredible..." he mumbled as you showed him the tissue he had gathered from an akula. How had he even done this? Nobody but him knew.

"The rich and wealthy demon brat actually has something interesting to show, huh?" he mocked and moved away from the microscope to which you only smirked and held the gun up to his neck for a second before lowering it again with a quiet laugh.

Your mind wandered off for a moment, forehead creasing at your thoughts.

"Why did you feel the need to disobey my orders and come in here?"

You asked, to which his expression softened for a second.

"I can't take you seriously with that weird mask. Looks stupid on you."

You couldn't help but frown, before he added something that actually caught you offguard.

"I prefer to see your full face like this."

A lump was stuck in your throat. It was the first time the na'vi actually made you an honest compliment.

"Ao'nung..." you mumbled in mental absence, your eyes fell on his lips for a second and he noticed, his ears tilted and his tail whipped around once. Luckily it only hit the underside of the table, which ripped you out of your trance for a moment.

"Wow, who could've guessed you can actually be nice, Ao'nung."

He didn't know what to say or do in this situation since his words surprised himself. Never had he thought he would grow fond of a human, not to talk about a human that aimed a tranquilizer gun at him.

You noticed how his chest was already starting to heave. All this time in here he had only breathed oxygen. Of course his lungs were well trained but he still started to struggle due to the adrenaline rushing through him. You too felt your heart pounding in your chest, up to your throat.

"Actually, no. You still look ridiculous, even without the mask." With that his usual expression returned. He'd rather tease you than to be in this weird situation and admit that you were on his mind constantly.

You stood up from the chair and tried to make yourself as tall as possible before him, gun in hand.

"pretty brave words for a fish face, now get out of my lab before I send you to earth."

~~~

Ao'nung held his promise and came by the next day, and the next, and it repeated itself every day for months. He had gotten you more fishes, grasses, shells, crustaceans and flowers. You didn't even know where to put them, but it had turned in some kind of ritual. Anything he found he brought to you, and now that he was even allowed in your shack again you often found a bunch of collected goods from all around, also his mother's ointments at your desk.

Sometimes you even woke up to him kneeling in front of the microscope, inspecting your samples or watching and listening to your video logs, even if he didn't understand your mother language. Who could've thought he'd get so obsessed with your work?

By now he had gotten familiar with your devices ans spent so much time around that he had to wear a mask as well for a few deep breaths here and there, that was all he needed.

As you got out of your bed and walked over to the young man he was already crouching in front of the desk, looking through the microscope.

"Don't you have to complete your iknimaya, smooth brain?" you asked mockingly while fixing your hair.

Aonung looked over to you with a cocky grin.

"Right, other than you I don't inherit my wealth, I work for it."

"Says the clan leader's son." you huffed with rolling eyes.

Ao'nung copied your expression before looking back to through the lenses.

"Ao'nung, can we talk?"

He didn't like the sound of your voice. His stomach turned at what you had just said, ears flat against his head.

As he looked up to you with narrowed eyes he could feel his heart rate quicken.

With one hand you flipped a switch on the microscope and turned it off before you took a deep breath.

"See, I'm happy you're helping me. Without you I would've never gotten all these informations, but it's getting... out of hand. It's too much. I have no storage space for all the samples you're bringing me. I appreciate it but please, tone that down."

Something about him visibly changed. His look turned all serious, a hint of disappointment reflected in his blue eyes.

"I understand..." he mumbled in a cracking voice once the big lump was gulped down, after which he got up and left your lab without another word. His head hung low as he dragged himself out and away, not looking back once.

You had expected it to be an unpleasant conversation, but Ao'nung acted as if you had just filed for divorce.

You quickly got into your avatar and went out to look for him, but he was nowhere to be found. As Tsireya and Lo'ak saw you searching for her brother they walked up to you, asking if you needed help and you quickly explained the situation.

Lo'ak earned a smack against his stomach as he huffed while you didn't understand what was happening.

She lead you into the marui she shared with her family as they where all gone. Lo'ak followed you and sat down with the two of you.

Tsireya didn't know how to say it or even where to start to Lo'ak took it into his own hands.

"You said you told him that you didn't want his gifts?"

You sighed and shook your head.

"I told him it's... too much. I don't know where to put all these things."

The girl took a deep breath and took your nervous hands into her own ones.

"You're not really that much acquainted with... courting rituals, are you?"

Her question had you blush slightly, cheeks tinted in a violet veil. A few blinks later you stammered a needlessly long version of a no, so she shifted her position a bit, trying to find the right words.

"So, if a male Na'vi is interested in a female, he goes hunting for her and brings her food. Now, since you're mostly in your human body and most things are inedible for your kind, i think he brought you some other rare things you value."

Speechless as you where you only continued to blink in silence, nervously biting onto your lower lip.

"He's trying to court you and rejecting his gifts, it's pretty bad. Ao'nung got himself into a lot of trouble for all the things he brought you, even father has argued with him already. But he took your words as a rejection, which in our culture translates to 'I don't value your life'. It's almost as bad as mating with someone else."

Now it all made sense.

You couldn't say anything for what felt like an eternity.

The inner corners of your eyes began to burn and soon, your vision blurred.

"Hey, you couldn't know, it's alright." Loak mumbled, placing a hand on your shoulder. Neither you nor him knew that you could be so weak and it was the first time that you felt this stinging pain in your chest. It hurt, but you were sure that Ao'nung was feeling much worse.

"We need to find him." Tsireya mumbled and got up, gathering a few friends to look for her brother before anything could happen to him.

~~~

It was already past eclipse and Ao'nung still wasn't back. Slowly but surely you got seriously worried about him. His friends had lead the party of you all to a few spots he liked to hang out at, but he was nowhere to be found.

Even his father helped searching eventually. As you paired up with him you apologized to the olo'eyktan for causing this trouble, but he wasn't mad at you the slightest. He knew that his son had never shown interest in anyone. He had rejected many pretty young women in the clan before, but you where the first one to -accidentally- reject him. In fact, he was happy to see him spending time with you after all. Ao'nung seemed to warm up a bit since he visited you on a daily basis and he eargerly talked about the things that he had learned from a human tsakarem. That was what they referred to you, as the clan leader had told you.

As you came back to the village empty handed you apologized to Tonowari once again for causing all this trouble. Your heart still ached in regret. Why hadn't you thought about these cultural differences before?

Your attention quickly got drawn to a few calls and cheers from the villagers and you quickly sprinted over to the gathered people. Making your way through them, your eyes landed on Ao'nung. His head was hanging low, his eyes were puffy and reddened.

You called out for him in relief, but he didn't look at you. He couldn't. His heart was still aching terribly. He was utterly disappointed and devastated.

Instead of looking at you he quickly turned away and walked home.

"I'll talk to him." Tonowari offered with a hopeful smile that settled the storm inside of you at least to a certain point.

~~~

The following day you did not wake up to any samples. No gifts and no Ao'nung.

It felt like something was missing.

You couldn't help but feel empty. All the money and the power you had always relied on had lost all it's worth. You remembered the day Spider had gifted you the carved arm ring he had made for your avatar.

"Happy birthday you ungrateful brat." you remembered his words exactly. He was right. You had been ungrateful, until you met Ao'nung. He had literally gifted you grass, rocks, leaves and it always made you smile from ear to ear.

Without him, work wasn't half as much fun.

He wasn't even watching you through the window anymore but instead tried to distract himself with hunting and preparing for his iknimaya.

You had told Max and Norm about it as well and they could tell that something about you, no, a lot about you had changed. You trained to become a real scientist and on top of that, you slowly became an adult. It was the right decision they had sent you here, even though these lonely days turned into weeks and by now, you couldn't even tell how long it was, but a long time passed in which you and Ao'nung did not speak one word.

Your head rose quickly as you heard heavy footsteps coming up the metal stairs. You couldn't believe your eyes as you saw Ao'nung coming through the airlock without a word. The look on his face concerned you, no matter how happy you were that he had returned to you.

"I knew you'd come back, all men do." you grinned in order to get him to tease you back like he always did, but he only grunted and sat down in a corner, in silence.

He just came back here after all this time and acted so weird all of a sudden. First he was spooked by you, then he liked you, tried to court you, ignored you and now he just came here without saying a word?

Confurion grew inside of you as he didn't respond to your teasing but only dropped himself into a corner, back hitting against the wall with his head back.

The your face relaxed a bit as you mustered him. He only closed his eyes and supported his hands on his shaking knees.

"Ao'nung? Are you okay?"

Still, he didn't respond.

His expression twisted at your voice as if his head was aching, and it did.

You swallowed before you walked over to him.

"Want me to sit with you?" This time your voice was a bit more quiet. The metkayina exhaled heavily and patted the floor next to him so you decided you sit next to him, legs crossed.

A good while passed like this. Just sitting next to each other in silence.

As you turned your head up to him he didn't react either.

"Ao'nung, what I did, I didn't mean-"

"Don't." he interrupted, raising a hand to signal you to stop talking.

"I don't want to hear a word about this stupid topic."

His voice was not much more than a breath and it seemed that these words weren't rolling off his tongue that easily.

"Your father..." he started after a long time, "he is... some kind of leader, right?"

As an answer you nodded slowly, so he asked another question.

"Does he have high expectations from you?"

A hard question.

"Well, in some kind. He doesn't like that I live amongst your race. He'd rather see me working for RDA. Wear fancy clothes and sit neatly at my desk, filling out confusing papers with overpriced pens, being the face of a huge company, ordering people around."

Ao'nung huffed, a slight smile crawled up on his face.

"Maybe we have more in common than you think..." he murmured under his breath, but in this silence his voice was still pretty audible.

"Did you have a fight with your father again?"

"Why do you think im here, the only place he never visits?"

You couldn't help but fake a mad expression.

"So my lab is only some hiding place for you, huh?"

As soon as your sentence had ended, he carefully poked his elbow into your arm and the smile on his face widened.

Again, silence fell upon you two.

After some deep breaths, the young man's voice disturbed this silence once more.

"I like being here. It's...calm."

"Yeah, if you don't run around like a wild thanator."

His ears turned at you remark and soon you felt his hand smacking your knee, causing a synched huff from both of you.

"You're not attempting to walk the path your father wants you to take, do you?" Ao'nung asked.

"Of course not. I think everybody should do whatever makes them happy. Fuck the 'rules', there are none. Only one self can decide what they want to do. That counts you in, smooth brain."

A warm smile appeared on his face, his eyes glistened with something you had never seen before. In your words he had found new hope. He was more motivated than ever to follow his heart, no matter what his parents said. He allowed himself to dream for a moment, to imagine what gteat things the future could hold for him and you.

~~~

Instead of spending most time in the shack you went to the village more often, adapting to the other na'vi and also the sea creatures. By now, Ao'nung had properly taught you how to ride an ilu and even introduced you to his spirit brother tulkun. You learned more about the sign language, about swimming and hunting, about their sacred rituals and everything these people had to offer.

During the day the young man rarely left your side. While hunting he always looked out for you. You enjoyed your life, and you wouldn't trade it against anything. Yet you had to return to your cabin every night. It was exhausting to switch between the two bodies, so you made a decision.

"I want you to transfer my soul into my avatar."

Ronal couldn't believe her ears. Ao'nung dropped his bowl of food instantly and stared at you with huge eyes. Tsireya was looking for words, and even Tonowari was completely speechless.

"Say that again." the tsahik whispered in disbelief, so you repeated "I want you to transfer my soul into my avatar. My conciousness, my spirit, however you might call it."

The tsahik looked towards her husband, shaking her head slowly.

"You can't be serious?!" Ao'nung blurted out while Tsireya still tried to process what you had just exclaimed while having dinner with them.

"Sully managed so I can do it too." Your voice was all calm since you had pondered this idea for some time already. Then you wouldn't have to run around with your exopack anymore and you could live amongst the metkayina. Become one of them. Finally have a place where you belonged to and the freedom to find a man.

The son stormed over to you and shook your shoulders as if he was trying to wake you up from a fever dream.

"This is dangerous! You might die!"

"Guess what smooth brain, i'm a scientist, I know."

Tonowari tapped the tips of his fingers together slowly, repeating your words in your head.

"Why would you want this?!" Ao'nungs face was on the thin line between angst and fury.

"What about your work, your lab, your father?!"

"It is what I want. I alone have the right to make this choice. It's stressful to switch and my human body is just not suited for this world. And since i don't intend to return to earth, I might as well become one of you."

Ao'nung pulled you up to your feet and dragged your avatar out of his family's marui in order to talk to you alone.

As soon as there was enough distance he faced you, grabbing your head with both hands. You whined at his unpleasant touch, but he couldn't help himself. His blue eyes darted straight into your golden ones, lips trembling, his entire body shaking in frustration.

"Why the hell do you want to do this?! What if you die?!" He spat with wild eyes.

"Then you better make sure to bring the prettiest flowers to my grave or I might haunt you. And visit me at the spirit tree-"

"You think this is funny?!"

You had never seen him in this state of fury but you had expected such reaction.

"Ao'nung, it's my life and my choice. You can't stop me."

He couldn't believe how by eywa you could stay so calm. His chest was heaving, blood ferociously rushing through his veins.

"This is madness, y/n!"

"I am a human in an incubated na'vi halfbreed body on a planet somewhere far away from earth where people and animals can literally connect their nerves to each other and you're telling me this is madness?"

He didn't know it was even possible but he got even more frustrated and enraged.

"For what reason y/n, what's it worth to put yourself through this?!"

Your face softened, lips forming a sweet smile as you stared into his bitter eyes.

"You."

Ao'nung swallowed hardly and his tilted ears stood up for a second. All his anger had dissolved, but only for a brief moment before he turned bitter again.

"Y/N... you can't be serious."

"Of course I am. Tsireya told be that you had some arguments with your parents about me. That you can't choose me as a woman. Don't you want to be with me? You must've thought about it as w-"

"Shut up." He growled.

His hands let go of you abruptly. He couldn't look you in the eyes for much longer, it pained him to see you as his thoughts formed into words.

"Of course I did. I dreamed about this for so long, but that's all it will ever be. A dream."

His words tore your heart into pieces, shattering all the pictures you had already painted out. Your breath hitched and you pulled both hands up to your chest.

"You know that this is not true. We can find a way-" you whispered into the air before he interrupted.

"Your 'way' is not an option. Which means there is no way."

Ao'nung took a deep breath and walked a few steps, only to come back to you.

"I'm not discussing my choice with you. I will talk about this with the tsahik." You mumbled quietly.

"If the great mother would've wanted you to be one of us she would have made you one of us!" his words were so loud that the distance between you and his family's marui didn't matter anymore. The entire village had probably hears him screaming into the night.

You slowly shook your head as he was done yelling.

"If the great mother doesn't want me to be one of you, she will let me feel that. You are not tsahik."

"Right, I'm the future oloeyktan! You should obey to what I say!"

He tried to calm himself but failed miserably. His fangs were bared, ears flicking angrily and his tail whipped around in fury.

"I thought you wanted to be more than a status..."

Here you ended the conversation and parted ways with him for today.

~~~

History repeated itself. Some days of not talking to each other at all followed, as well as him showing up to your shack.

He didn't apologize for his words, he simply walked in and sat down the same spot as always. Nothing in this village happened without his knowledge so he was already aware that you had talked to his mother and after a long consideration and deep talks with her husband she had agreed to your request. The ceremony was supposed to happen tonight so you had cleaned out your lab as you wouldn't be using it as much anymore.

You had called your father so he could see you one last time. He did everything but approve.

"Don't you dare! I will not allow this, are you mad?! What weird stuff did you smoke out there? These freaks clouded you brain! Don't tell me you're doing this for this boy?"

His words meant nothing to you. Either he accepted or not, but it didn't change your mind one bit.

"You really want to do this?" Ao'nung mumbled while you leaned against your desk, arms crossed.

"I will do this."

"You're pretty dumb for being such a smart girl, you know that?"

You only huffed and relaxed your arms before Ao'nung got up onto his feet again and made his way over to you. Both of his hands gripped around your waist and lifted you up to sit on the desk.

Your breath hitched at his actions and you couldn't help but blush madly. Not just your face but your entire body heated up as the metkayina came dangerously close to you, cupping your face with gentle hands unlike last time.

His blue eyes stared right into your soul before they fell onto your soft lips.

"Once the ritual starts, there is no return. Either your soul will transfer or..."

"Ao'nung, I will make it. Then I am one of your people." you flashed a wide smile at him.

"You are not just going to be one of us, y/n. You will also be mine."

He decided to waste no more time talking and let his actions speak, crashing his lips on top of yours. Instantly melting into the kiss you threw your arms around his neck, feeling your stomach toss and turn while he closed the gap between himself and your petite body completely, holding you close to his bare torso.

Both of you had longed for this for what felt like an eternity. In you he had found someone so different and yet so similar. No matter what you did, you fascinated him in every way. You actually managed to handle his ego and his rough personality, but he could also be vulnerable around you.

~~~

Ao'nung himself had carried your human body towards the cove of ancestors on his ilu where the ritual was taking place. He was praying to eywa that you would return from the eye of the great mother. Max and Norm had also shown up to the ritual, the Sully's too as well as the metkayina. Ronal and Tonowari stood next to each other, their daughter Tsireya right by their side as the ceremony was prepared.

The young man placed a last kiss onto your head before he had to let go of you and leave to the depths of the water as the spirit tree grasped out to you with it's strings, pulling you below the water surface until they were wrapped all around your body and your entire vision went black. All sounds were silenced.

No words were able to describe what you went through. What felt like an eternity probably went by in the shortest time before you were able to open your eyes again. A familiar face was right in front of you, holding your cheeks carefully. As soon as you detached from the spirit tree, you felt a pair of strong arms help you back up to the surface where you coughed out some swallowed water.

Before looking down on your own body your golden eyes searched for your human form which was completely covered from all these watchful eyes, deep below the surface. People cheered as your arms fell around the metkayina boy in front of you who pressed your dripping body against his shaking self. Some hysterical laughs escaped from both of you as you realized that the ritual had worked. Your chest was heaving in the tight embrace with the boy. His hands wrapped around your body as if he never wanted to let go of you again.

He pressed his relieved smile into your shoulder, still breathing out a few huffs in disbelief. As he felt your strong heartbeat, his own heart was pounding in excitement. Both your hands reached around his head only to pull him away from your shoulder gently to take a look at his visage. You got lost in each other's eyes, surrounded by luminous freckles all over your faces.

His thumbs traced over your blushed violet cheeks before you pressed your forehead to his.

"I see you, ma y/n." he whispered quietly and full of love.

"I see you, mao'nung."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist: @luvlykrispy @zatarias-pandora @vviolaswrld @yeosxxx @lilgurlbeoncrack @philiasoul @itszzmoon @simp4ff @itsnotme02 @et-j-art @lovekeeho

[sugar-grigri]

Yes, see Swordman announces that certainly the other "hybrids" including Reze are alive, but his presence raises more questions than it answers. Even if I'd like to see the way this chapter is cut, i.e. in three parts, already an element of answer. 

The first part was a little confusing and contradictory, with the new bodyguard Fumiko, appointed by Yoshida to watch over and "protect Denji". But what really stands out for me is the line "you're the one and only Chainsaw Man!". 

It's an answer that's already important, as it fits into a context in which Denji is increasingly stripped of his own identity as CSM, whether because of this impostor who represents the church, the church itself, the fans or the detractors. I had already analyzed the fact that CSM had become a collective essence rather than an individual identity. So to tell Denji YOU are Chainsaw Man is to give him back the link he has with himself. 

But this line would be interesting in another context, and here we're getting into pure theory and personal speculation. To explain, let's break the chapter down into three parts. First, Denji and his relationship with Chainsaw Man, as we've just seen. Then, Asa, who is beginning to come to terms (positively) with her own popularity as the new heroine. And finally, Swordman, who appears at the end of the chapter and introduces himself as such. 

My theory came from a single question: why did you present the chapter in this way? Why the ellipsis with Asa? Then continue with Swordman? I mean, Fujimoto did decide to bring these three elements together in a single chapter, so they must necessarily have some as-yet ungraspable narrative link. 

I've been thinking about it, and there's a lot of mystery surrounding the "hybrids". We don't even know what they're called, since their names have been erased by Pochita, according to Makima. Which means that they represent a very special concept that Fujimoto intends to exploit. A concept surely more complicated than a human fused with a demon. 

I've been thinking about this, and two main theories come to mind when I put together what little we know about them. Hybrids are immortal, or more precisely, they can be resurrected as long as they are given enough blood. There's something vampiric about that. Vampire in the sense that they're human-looking demons who need blood, literally. Another theory is more contextual, and that's the one I'm going to bring out today. 

Have you noticed that all hybrid demons represent weapons, machines. Never a fear of a broad concept like the demons of the apocalypse, or of an animal like Beam, or stemming from natural reflexes like the fear of blood and the fear of falling? 

My theory is that they are deeply artificial demons. This was more or less confirmed with Reze, who was a laboratory rat for the USSR, or Katanaman, who became what he is thanks to Akane Sawatari. What's more, hybrids are always more or less connected with the state, Reze with Russia, Quanxi with China, or Denji, whose public hunters are trying to get their hands on him. 

I can't speculate any further, but the only thing I'm sure of is that "hybrids" have something to do with the evolution of the world. And when I mean "evolution of the world", I mean technological evolution, particularly of weapons. 

Which brings me to my theory about chapter 138. There was always something I found unexploited about Chainsaw Man. Exploiting the relationship between mankind and demons, but in a different era, in the past. 

When we return to the chapter, Denji and Chainsaw Man represent the heroes of the present, who threaten to be eclipsed by a new heroine, Asa, associated with the demon of war. Yoru would represent the future, which is why for me she refers so much to nuclear weapons, which remain the most advanced and dangerous weapon at the moment (along with hydrogen bombs, but you get the idea). Swordman, on the other hand, may represent the past, a hero from the past. I mean, people in the past weren't afraid of chainsaws or bombs, they were afraid of swords and crossbows. 

Imagine how old immortal beings could be, representing traditional, ancient weapons? I think it's Quanxi aka the first devil hunter, or Swordman.  

With this context, what Swordman says resonates even more, doesn't it? Who knows better the feeling of being forgotten than a hero of the past like Swordman? Hybrids are doomed to feel this sense of obsolescence. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Swordman knows anything about this. He may have a few points from his past still fresh in his mind, but having been brainwashed by Makima, his memories are surely muddled. The fact remains that this link with the past and technological evolutions: hybrid demons are still those who have a direct relationship with the state and governments.

An important point, given that the Japanese government is the main antagonist in this story.

[estherax]

Generating plasm and stacking matchboxes: how to build a better future through collective consciousness.

Alternatively - Steban and Ulixes were building Tatlin's Tower so I have to talk about the symbolism or I will explode!!

While completing the communist vision quest you get an opportunity to build a model of "The Tower of History", depicted on the last page of "A Brief Look at Infra-Materialism": a leaning tower wrapped in a dramatic helix. The scale model you make is a mirror image of Tatlin's Tower - a design for a grand monumental building to the Third International: the government organization advocating for world communism.

The main idea of the monument was to produce a new type of structure, uniting a purely creative form with a utilitarian form. Meaning it would function as an office building while also serving as a symbol of cultural significance. And let me tell you, this bad boy can fit so much symbolism in it.

Tatlin was commissioned to develop a design in 1919, after the 1917 February Revolution - a parallel to Disco Elysium's Insulinde we're witnessing post-Antecentennial Revolution.

Tatlin's work was inspired by high revolutionary goals, which are evident in the visual direction of the tower as well, expressing the ideological strive for achieving something that has never been done before, overcoming the odds. The structure "oscillates like a steel snake, constrained and organized by the one general movement of all the parts, to raise itself above the earth. The form wants to overcome the material and the force of gravity..."

The tower has meaning packed even in the materials. For example, the glass structures (marked A, B, C on the architectural rendering) were meant to serve legislative, executive and informative initiatives while rotating around their axes at different speeds. The material signified the purity of initiatives, their liberation from material constraints and their ideal qualities.

But here's the best part. The spirals.

"The spiral is the movement of liberated humanity. The spiral is the ideal expression of liberation: with its base set in the earth, it flees from the ground and becomes a symbol of the suspension of all (...) earthy interests." They are "the most elastic and rapid lines which the world knows" that represent movement and aspiration, continuing the themes of progress and freedom, but they also refer to something else.

In the process of building the matchbox model Rhetoric points out: "It's almost exactly as Nilsen's sketch imagined, a physical manifestation of the dialectical spiral of history."

The shape of the tower is a representation of dialectical development of history, first visualized as a spiral by G. W. F. Hegel. He pictured transformational change as "both linear and circular in order to be short-term responsive, i.e. possibly negating itself, and long-term strategic, i.e. a process of development."

Hegel's dialectics would later be reinterpreted through the prism of materialism by Marx and Engels to create dialectical materialism - the basis for historical materialism.

"Still, this idea, as formulated by Marx and Engels on the basis of Hegels’ philosophy, is far more comprehensive and far richer in content than the current idea of evolution is. A development that repeats, as it were, stages that have already been passed, but repeats them in a different way, on a higher basis, (...) a development, so to speak, that proceeds in spirals, not in a straight line; a development by leaps, catastrophes, and revolutions; (...) the interdependence and the closest and indissoluble connection between all aspects of any phenomenon (history constantly revealing ever new aspects), a connection that provides a uniform, and universal process of motion, one that follows definite laws - these are some of the features of dialectics as a doctrine of development that is richer than the conventional one."

The tower embodies progress in materialist understanding of history while also indicating the connection to ideological plasm, a manifestation of "the proletariat's embrace of historical materialism", necessary to create a better future.

According to Nilsen, the proletariat of a revolutionary state can generate enough plasm to create extra-physical architecture that "disregards the laws of 'bourgeois physics' and instead relies on the revolutionary faith of the people for structural integrity."

This function of plasm implies that The Tower of History can be created only under revolutionary circumstances - without a sufficient amount of plasm even the matchbox model didn't stay up. The exact same sentiment is expressed about Tatlin's Tower: "We maintain that only the full power of the multimillion strong proletarian consciousness could bring into the world the idea of this monument and its forms. The monument must be realized by the muscles of this power, because we have an ideal, living and classical expression the pure and creative form of the international union of the workers of the whole world."

Nilsen called it "the highest expression of Communist principles, a society whose literal foundation is the faith of its people."

Tatlin's Tower was a symbol of faith in the revolutionary future, the global triumph of Marxist socialism. A monument "made of iron, glass and revolution."

It was never built in real life, and neither was The Tower of History in the world of Elysium.

But you can try to see if there's enough plasm between the three of you. And the matchbox tower stays up for a long moment, quivering with an improbable energy. You believe it can say up - and it does.

So you have to believe; whether it's for collective action or generating ideological plasm. Then, together, maybe you'll be able to build as much as 0.0002% of communism.

[rassicas]

I've been researching what the mystery character could be and I stumbled upon a species of glass squid that looks almost exactly like them called Bathothauma lyromma

maybe they are a squid that wasn't affected by the crystals in alterna??? I figured i'd tell you since you're also interested in what the lil goober is

oh wow yeah this is also extremely fitting. the high collar of the coat could be playing on the mantle's appearance, also the big stalk eyes. i can see it. i think both this and the bristle worm idea are extremely good guesses

its unclear about the extent of how much the crystals effected the evolution of species that realistically wouldn't have lived in alterna. maybe the crystals leaked out of alterna at some point into the seas in smaller concentrations? one of my theories is that when these crystal laden species of alterna who made it to the surface died, they would have sea burials, and the crystals in those bodies made their way through the food chain in the sea. ANYWAYS not the point, i understand you're getting at the idea of squids and octopuses that arent inklings and octolings, and that's already confirmed to exist so no issue there.

[harveyguillensource]

Harvey's full feature and photoshoot with Robert Ascroft for IRK Magazine has been published, including a fantastic interview ranging from fashion to Shadows to 'letting in' and wishes come true. Some excerpts below:

On Letting In and identity as a home:

Remember that there's no ticking time bomb. Especially with what's been happening lately where a lot of actors who are portraying certain characters and their sexuality might be questioned, and they are outed, or they are forced to come out before, um, they are comfortable doing so. Everyone's sexuality, actors, everyone included, is their business. It's no one's business. It's their business. For people to want to know or to negate us, why don't you tell us? Why are you not telling us? Why are you hiding it? Why can't you just tell us? Tell us right now.

Forcing someone to come out... And I hate that term, too, COMING OUT. Because we know what we are, it's not the first thing they woke up that day and realized, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna tell everyone today. Everyone who knows that they are gay or that they are queer has been thinking about it. Believe me, it has been on their mind. They have thought about it. They have talked about it to themselves in the mirror. It is not new to them. And so for the idea for someone to come out is always kind of, kind of, uh, a little upsetting to me. I don't think it should be coming out. It should be called LETTING YOU IN. Because I already know who I am at that point when I share this information. They already know who they are when they share this information with you. Coming out is never really for the person. It's for the people who are surrounding them. Coming out is always for the person who wants to know. [...]

Coming out is always for the parent who is questioning you and just wants to have peace of mind. Coming out was for you to feel that you are still loved in this phase of your life or this new revelation. And it should not be called coming out. It should be called letting you in. And what you do with that information is up to the par- eh, the person who just discovered. That they let you in, and what you do once... It's like welcoming someone to someone's home: please don't destroy my home. I opened the door, and I stepped right, and you stepped right in. And it's up to the person who's my guest to either wipe their shoes, be cautious of the frames, or be careful of the furniture. Please don't, you know, jump around and destroy the home I had made. It's usually... What happens is you may let people into your homes that they trusted, and it turns out these people have no respect for your home, and they make a mess out of it.

[...] I knew that I was different and that people knew I was different. But also, as a child, that makes you go back in. It goes back into your home, closing that door and looking out the window. Cautiously, I look through the curtain, ensuring no one notices the vibrant colors inside. And no one's seeing that you put up wallpaper and that you're considering changing the tapestry, but always looking out the window. Cautiously looking out the window, ensuring no one's ever too close to the door. Eventually, you get comfortable enough to open that door and let people in.

On the evolution of Guillermo's fashion:

I do fall into the character when I am dressed for the part of Guillermo. Our fantastic costume designer, Laura Montgomery, who won the Emmy for our show's costume design, is incredible at her job. We sit down and talk about the season's arc and where we want this character to go. Guillermo wears these 1980s oversized sweaters that you can find at a thrift store. But the character is obviously more layered than that. The detail in the costume is so specific. Have you noticed his outfits from season one, where his collared shirt is buttoned up to the top, and then he puts a sweater over, and it's a long sleeve? [...]

He started off not showing any skin. Dressed a little bit frumpy and a little bit oversized on him. He wears khaki pants or brown pants and comfortable shoes. He does his hair to a specific look that he's trying to emulate because he thinks that's what a person of his position should look like. It's always what he thinks people expect from him. And it's not until he finds his own inner self of who he really is, so the essence of who Guillermo is, where he finds out that Van Helsing blood runs through his veins, that he starts getting a little comfortable in his skin, and we start seeing a little more of a fitted look. We see him with the fitted blue vest when he finds that out. He wears a thin, pinstriped white shirt that he unbuttons the top, so the collars are a little looser. He rolls up the sleeves, but he wears some brown gloves for grip to get those wooden stakes quickly.

So all those things are thought out, even the tucking in of the green cargo pants into his boots to make it easier and not to get tangled in anything in a quick escape. That trench coat that flares out so beautifully, we talked to Laura about that, that he needs to feel that he could easily take several weapons out of there without anyone questioning it because you never see it. The coat flares out with an excellent movement to it. You'll see it in the "The Night Market" episode where he fights other familiars. His coat is beautifully flared out, making him such a badass. Then, when he finally takes that off, he's a badass himself. That look was more fitted to my body, making the character look more fit and in shape. In some ways, whatever size you are, fitted clothes always look better on everyone. [...]

In season four, we see Guillermo be the best man to Nandor and help him choose wives that come back to life as the right wife for him to marry and stick to her. And after doing that and being the best man at his wedding, he wears a different outfit than we usually see him. He wears, like, this cream turtleneck with a moss green tailored suit, uh, that's really nice and compliments my skin tone. And that was Laura and I talking and looking at sketches and the materials and what's soft on Guillermo and what would be another, wink of wow, he has a little bit of fashion sense there. It's just that he's never felt comfortable in his own skin.

Sometimes, I think people are too scared and timid to risk wearing something that they might say, "I liked wearing that." But they don't take the risk, and so they're like, "Nah, that's fine. I'll just stick to the norm everyone knows me to wear." It's great for people to experiment with fashion.

On fashion, accessibility, and taking risks:

[...] I mean, for so long, you know, people always ask me, "Who's your stylist?" Or "Who dresses you?" For the longest time, for a majority of events and stuff, I dress myself. Uh, because for a long time, nobody wanted to, or not that they didn't want to. I feel they didn't know where to start to dress a person of size. Designers carry sample sizes.

For people of size, it's easy to feel that fashion is not for them, but that's not true, fashion is for everyone. It should be made and accessible to everyone. Especially when you look at the body and shape and sizes of most people worldwide, specifically in America, it makes sense to be represented in Fashion Week. And when it's not, it's a little upsetting because it's like they're no different than someone who is a size zero, size four, size... It doesn't matter. They're the same. You know, the same money. The same person who likes fashion could be of any size. [...]

I don't think anyone's gonna be on their deathbed saying, "You know what I wish? I wish I would have taken less risk in this life." Said no one ever. You know (laughs)?

I'd instead look back and say, "Oh, my gosh. Do you believe I wore that?" You know what? Yeah, I do. Sometimes, we're amazed at the things that have happened in fashion. It becomes part of history. And so when you look at stuff, it's not the embarrassment of a fashion faux pas that maybe you have done. But for the most part, you were in a time, and it was captured. That is everything down from your hair to your shoes, outfit, or even makeup if you're wearing makeup. It was like a time capsule, and it was captured in that moment. And so if you don't take a risk, you're not living in the moment. You're trying to fit into a time that has already passed or is already lived by someone else. So why not live in the moment so it's captured as a capsule for yourself and a moment in time.

On channeling his success into charity:

[...] In high school, I was looking for all these grants and scholarships for low-income Latino students in the arts and whatnot. I've been creating something where we can be of help to lower-income communities with kids who have an interest in the arts. Because that's the first thing we know: when budgets get cut in schools, especially in public schools, the first thing that gets cut is the art (not sports) but the arts. These kids have no other outlets. So there needs to be an outlet then how is there a possibility for a career or a life in the entertainment industry. Even if it's, you know, the first-ever scholarship, or like the Harvey Guillén-like scholarship, for young up-and-coming artists. Something that would help because I know that going through college was such a burden of thinking, "I don't have a trust fund.

[rayshippouuchiha]

I remembered your idea about Grimmjow mentoring Izuku and I have world building/background.

Grimm got to the bnha universe because some idiots were trying to summon a demon to kill some heroes and since there aren't any in universe the magic spell outsourced. The idiots did not survive their stupidity. Grimm is really annoying because he's pretty sure it's going to take at least a year to get home.

Finding and starting to teach Izuku delayed his plans, but not by too much. Grim figures he'll just wait for the kid to die and bring Izuku's soul back with him. Classic Arrancar adoption tactics.

Inko is a little uncomfortable with a demon adopting her son with a plan of making him another demon, but honestly Izuku's just so happy these days that she's cool with it. She does the paperwork to make Grim a distant relative.

People in the bnha universe don't really have reiatsu but they still have souls. Grim just has to teach izuku to reform his soul so it's bleach style instead. He's pretty sure that any of the many mad scientists he knows would tell him it's impossible, but izuka did it anyways so there.

For paperwork they claim that it's a family inherited work that is super finicky and requires a lot of control and often doesn't activate without life or death danger or knowing how to activate it beforehand. Which it is true, using reiatsu for stuff more complicated than "be stronger and hardier," let alone kidou, takes decades of learning. Even if hollow style kidou is easier to learn, it's not by that much. Grim mostly focuses Izuku on learning the basics of combat and maybe sonido.

Izuku ends up good at kicking people in the face like canon, but he also has throwing knives and a tanto to complete the danger gremlin evolution.

He kicks Bakugou in the face and breaks his nose. Their relationship isn't great but it's not as awful as in cannon.

Grimmjow is setting up connections with the villain community one day when he hears about some mysterious, powerful fucker called All For One. He hasn't eaten in a while, and that seems like someone no one will miss so he eats out for the day. The villain underground immediately falls into chaos but that isn't his problem.

Coincidentally, Inko's deadbeat husband finally stopped sending money. (Whether he's AfO or just some asshole who died in the chaos is up to you.) She shrugs and moves on. She saved and invested most money he gave them anyways.

Grim ends up running a dojo. First he just needs space to teach Izuku but I firmly believe that despite his general misanthropic tendencies he actually likes kids, so the whole thing balloons pretty fast. He ends up with this weird teenager who calls himself Dabi as an assistant, since the kid already knew how to fight pretty well.

With an actual support system Dabi ends up significantly less burned and significantly more sane. He works as a vigilante, killing marital and child abusers. He's really uncertain about what to do about Endeavor, because he wants to kill him but the man also scares the shit out of him, and he doesn't want to free his siblings just to put them in the spotlight. Grimmjow is less than zero help, but Inko gives him a big hug and helps him start to set up a legal case if that's what he decides to do. He's like Izuku's weird, obnoxious older cousin.

Speaking of the lov, Kurogiri got out and took Shigaraki with him when AfO died. They end up picking up the rest of the league overtime. All the kids try to convince Kurogiri to reach back out to his friends from when he was Oboro. They might or might not be vigilantes.

What are you talking about, this isn't a fix it fic.

The UA staff are deeply baffled when they meet Izuku's guardians: the sweetest little lady you ever did meet and what Aizawa is pretty sure is an actual, literal demon from hell. In hindsight, though, it makes sense.

Thank you for the idea! Sorry for shoving this thing in your inbox.

Never apologize because this is fantastic.

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

If She Didn't Respect Christianity, What Makes You Think She Would Respect Other Religions

I mean she already took a lot of concepts of Christianity (and to some extent Judaism) and butchered them. We Christians were expected to just allow it because it's a so-called colonist religion when ignoring that Christianity has tons of poc who influenced it and it freaking comes from the Middle East. Seriously, just remember the backlash against Asmodeus and Beelzebub being about restraint when they are supposed to be the embodiment of their sins, yet they invoke artistic license. But now it's something like Voodoo people are up in arms, but again this is what happens when you have someone who is nonchalant and ignorant about other people's religions.

Also despite how people are saying only black people practice it, it's been practiced by white people since the 19th century so no it's not closed off to white people especially those who grew up around Louisiana heritage. And the Voodoo and Vodun spelling is a case of evolution itself and many practitioners in the Louisianian sect often use Voodoo. For the Haitian sect, they prefer using Vodoun to differ from one another. While Voodoo is influenced by Catholicism, the use of pagan gods and other stuff makes it considered heretical for mainstream Christian religion. One thing to add most of the depictions of Voodoo is mostly touristy like voodoo dolls are actually the reverse of their purpose which is to actually bless people. So, while for the tourists, Voodoo shops will give out dolls in actual practice they are meant for blessings.

Also evil people can use voodoo, while they don't have a name in Louisiana Voodoo in Haitian Vodom they are called bokors. While Bokors can be good or evil, they do serve the loa with both hands. So yeah, there can be evil voodoo practitioners who can invoke Loa for their own purposes. Also going back to white people and Vodun/Voodoo there are loa in the pantheon which are white like Mademoiselle Charlotte, Madam Brigette (wife of the famous Baron Samedi) , and Dinclinsin (who is often depicted as white colonial slave owner, feared for his temper and cruelty). Seriously, between you and me I wonder how that last asswipe got into the pantheon and why more fiction depicting Voodoo/Vodun doesn't have him as a villain who is willing to work with white supremacists. Again with that in mind it again doesn't mean that the religion is closed off to white people if it has white members of it's pantheon.

So in my opinion, there is some things about voodoo in depiction that I can let slide, but on the other hand I think people do think to research a bit more to better capture it. And I say that for all religions and not just minority religions. Research is good to better understand concepts and not look ignorant. Seriously, I would say how Vivziepop depicts Christianity is more like pop culture version with the added bonus of adding things that goes against the idea of faith like redeeming demons and again having the freaking ideas that the embodiments of sin have any morals. Also I don't think she figured out how other pantheons fit neatly in here because I do think there would be some loa that could fit in heaven, while other loa would fit in hell better. Baka is one of those few evil Loas and he often requires blood sacrifice and he would have fit Alastor more serving. Also Kalfu is also someone that Alastor serves because he does allow evil loa to come in. So again, an evil voodoo practitioner is possible if it depends on which god they serve.

[public-trans-it]

i would love to hear your dark spore rant. i didnt even know spore had a sequel.

Oh anon. Poor sweet anon. I’m so sorry.

So, the thing about Darkspore is…

… it was a really REALLY… mediocre game.

Like, the moment to moment gameplay was… fine. Just fine. Not incredible. But not BAD! Really, it only had two major flaws:

The first, it was buggy as hell. One particularly nasty bug was present in the games launcher, and on certain systems the game would fail to install at all. They were unable to ever fix this bug, which I speculate was a major reason the game was abandoned by the devs so quickly and lead to it being taken down from every major digital distribution site. You could still install and play it if you already bought it though! If… it actually installed for you.

Which leads us to the second flaw. It’s right there on the box.

“Internet connection required”

The game has Always Online DRM. All the levels, enemies, loot, your entire account, was all stored server side. And servers are expensive. So, when the games bugs became unwieldy and not worth fixing, and they took it offline… it became a money sink. It was a game generating ZERO revenue, but had huge server maintenance costs. So eventually, they just shut down the servers.

It is now very difficult to obtain the game, requiring you to buy one of the few unopened physical copies remaining. And even once you do have it, it is IMPOSSIBLE to play. There is a project called Resurrection Capsule in the works, some fans trying to create a private server for it. But with so much info stored server side, they basically have to recreate entire subsystems from scratch. It’s… not going very fast, and to my knowledge hasn’t been touched in over a year.

Story

The story of the game is pretty basic. A progenitor race of alien super-scientists create a new, synthetic form of DNA, called Exponential-DNA, or E-DNA. This rapidly mutates to create new life, and can be guided to create specific, specialized organisms, condensing thousands of years of evolution to a few hours. It can also be injected into existing creatures to alter them and make them more powerful. However it also linked everything affected by it into a hivemind. So it was outlawed. The creator of it decided to respond by creating a E-DNA virus, called The Darkspore, infecting himself with it, and spreading it across the galaxy and conquering it, wiping out his own race.

You play as another member of that race, who has been in hibernation for 1000 years while that was going down. Your ship AI has woken you up because it has managed to stabilize E-DNA and also keep it disconnected from the hivemind, and needs you to go kill the guy who took over the galaxy. That is how the game starts.

…

And how the story ends. There is not really any more story past that part. You get a cutscene describing each of the games 6 planets the first time you visit it, and a final “Hey you won!” cutscene after killing the final boss which ends with the cliche “implication the villain isn’t really dead” trope, and… that’s it. That’s the entire story. Not really the selling point of this game. Its not even entirely clear if it takes place in the same universe as Spore! It’s just set dressing for “Run through these 24 levels and beat everything up”

Gameplay

Darkspore was created by Maxis. This alone was HUGE. This was a team of developers who only really made lifesims like The Sims and Sim City, taking a stab at making a diablolike game.

And I GENUINELY BELIEVE every single studio out there needs to do shit like this. Designing for something so outside your wheelhouse creates SOOOOO much innovation so quickly. You get fresh new ideas injected into the genre so quickly. The final product won’t be good! You don’t have any damn experience in the genre! But it will create something unique beautiful, and god damn I wish we lived in a world where that alone was enough and devs weren’t focused on chasing profits instead.

Genesis

Genesis is just a fancy way of saying ‘Element’. There are 5 of them: Plasma (fire and lightning), Bio (plants and animals), Cyber (machines), Necro (death and fear), and Quantum (space and time) and the way they interact is… certainly a choice I guess. Each Darkspore you face has a genesis it falls into, and each of your heroes has one as well. If your Genesis matches that of the darkspore you are fighting at the moment, you take double damage and they take half damage. If they don’t match, all damage both ways is neutral.

The system itself is kinda mediocre. The biggest part of it, however, is the Variant Skills. Each Genesis has 4 unique skills tied to it that represent the common elements of that type.

Heroes

There are 25 heroes in the game, which each have one Genesis and one Class (Sentinel which are the tanks, Ravagers which are the DPS, and Tempest which are the Casters/Support)

Each hero has 4 total variants, with the first one you unlock being Alpha, and as you level up your account (heroes do not have their own levels) you eventually can purchase their Beta, Gamma, and Delta variants, with each variant having slightly different stats, and a different one of their Genesis’ 4 variant abilities.

Each hero has a unique basic attack, which USUALLY has a little extra to it. For example Sage shoots a bolt that hurts enemies it hits, but heals allies it hits. Zrin alternates between two different punches, one of which has a short duration DoT and the other of which has a 10% stun chance. Stuff like that.

They also have a passive effect that is always active while you are playing them. Collect a soul from each enemy killed for a 5% damage boost, 10% damage bonus when attacking from behind, a stacking defense buff every time you take damage, stuff like that.

Finally, a character has 2 unique abilities. One that is unique to them and can only be used while you are playing that hero, and a second ability that is everyone in the squad can use if that hero is present.

Squad Decks

Which brings me to the first rant and something I am SO AUTISTIC ABOUT (positive). SQUADS. The game had you craft Squad Decks, collections of 3 heroes that you can swap between during your missions, for a total of 883.2k squad combinations (I think my math might be off on that). Swapping between them is on a cooldown of about 10 seconds, but otherwise is don’t instantaneously and as often as you want without penalty. You always have 5 abilities active:

- The unique ability of your active hero

- The Genesis ability of your active heroes variant

- Hero 1’s Squad ability

- Hero 2’s Squad ability

- Hero 3’s squad ability

The first two abilities change out every time you swap heroes, but the last 3 are fixed. So you have 3 abilities that you always have access to, and 6 abilities that are paired up and you can swap between which pair of those abilities is active.

Your heroes do NOT share a health/energy pool, but DO share healing pickups. Any time you pick up a health or energy restoration pickup, it refills a chunk of the respective health pool of your currently active hero, and a smaller chunk of each of your inactive heroes in the squad.

So the core loop of moment to moment gameplay becomes swapping situationally between heroes both offensively and defensively, to get access to your other heroes skills and also to mitigate damage from enemies based on their genesis or control where your healing is directed.

Loot

Loot in Darkspore is fairly standard for your average Diablolike. Item drops have 4 tiers: Common (Item Level=Account Level-5), Uncommon (Item Level=Account Level), Rarified (Item Level=Account Level+5), and Purified (Item Level=Account Level+10)

Items of higher tiers have more chances to roll on a table to gain beneficial modifiers.

Each item fell into one of a few different categories: Weapon, Hands, Feet, Offensive, Defensive, or Utility.

Each hero has one of each slot, plus an additional slot based on their class. Ravagers have an extra Offense slot, Sentinels have an extra Defense slot, and Tempests have an extra Utility slot. Any hero can equip any item you gain, with the exception of Weapons that are hero specific. Some heroes also lack Hands or Feet, in which case their weapon has extra stats and can get the same modifiers as hands and feet can.

The items you equip can then be added onto the Hero in the Hero Editor. The Hero Editor is often equated to the Creature Editor in Spore, which is BULLSHIT and was a pet peeve of mine the ENTIRE DAMN TIME THE FAME WAS LIVE. This is a FALSE EQUIVALENCE. It uses the outfit editor from the Tribal/Civilization phases of Spore instead. Importantly: this means you cannot alter the overall silhouette of your hero. It will always maintain the same basic profile and animations. However you can freely place the extra parts you equip anywhere on its body, and can also place multiple copies of them.

Additionally, old parts can have their stats stripped, converting them into ‘Detail’ parts with no stats, of which you can equip 6 different parts, each of which you can include 10 copies of on your hero. So you could get some pretty cool looks from it!

However all this loot is garbage and you likely would not use most of it outside of appearance. Which brings me to…

Cash-out Loot

Usually if you mention the word ‘cash’ in any sentence involving a game published by EA, it would be a call for concern. Luckily this isn’t that! It’s just gambling! Everything is fine!

The main progression in Darkspore comes from gear, and the best gear comes from how good your ships engines are. These come from account upgrades as you level up your account, determining how many levels you can do in a row. Every time you complete a level, you are given an option: Keep going, or ‘cash out’ and get a guaranteed piece of Uncommon gear, with a 10% chance of it becoming Rarified, as well as all the gear you picked up in the level.

If you choose to keep going, you have to complete the next level. If you die, you lose ALL the gear you picked up, including that guaranteed piece. If you make it to the end, you are given another choice: Risk it all again and go on to the next level, or stop here and get your TWO pieces of guaranteed uncommon loot, which each now have a 20% chance of becoming rarified and a 5% chance of becoming purified.

You can only go another of levels equal to the number of Engine Upgrades you have earned by leveling up your account. So at first, after the second level you HAVE to cash out. As you progress you can start to do many more levels at a time, getting a dozen pieces of gear that are practically guaranteed to be the highest rank.

But of course you have to play these levels in order, and you don’t get a chance to upgrade your character with all the cool new loot you found on the way, so you can’t just jump straight into this. You have to slowly build up to being able to push yourself this much, and once you can, you have a readily available source of some of the best gear in the game.

And that ties into my absolute favorite system of Darkspore:

Catalysts

Many diablolikes have a mechanic called ‘Sockets’. The gear you equip has its own type of equipment slot, and you put gems in there that give you small bonuses. Every game does it a little differently, but it’s kind of a staple of the series.

Darkspore uses a similar system, but utilizes it VERY differently. While you are running levels, enemies will rarely drop Catalysts instead of loot. These come in 5 colors: Purple (boosts your base stats), Red (boosts offensive secondary stats like damage or attack speed), Blue (boosts defensive secondary stats like health regen or damage resistance), Green (boosts utility secondary stats like movement speed or lifesteal), and Rainbow (can contain any of the bonuses of the previous categories) They also come in two sizes: Big and Small. This determines how big the bonus from them is.

You have a 3x3 grid on your HUD that the catalysts you collect go into. You can rearrange them however you want, and if you create a line of 3 of the same color (Rainbow is a wildcard and matches with all of them), it will double the bonus of all Catalysts in that line. This stacks, meaning if you create multiple lines over a single catalyst it could get a x3, x4, or even x5 bonus if it’s the center piece of the grid and forms a line in every direction.

However, you can’t save Catalysts. You can equip it to the grid or drop it on the ground and move on. That’s it. You have to decide now. Do you keep that Big Purple you have for the big buff to your most important stat, or do you trade it for that Small Rainbow for a mediocre stat you just found that you can plug in the middle and double everything else in your grid?

“Surely that only matters early game, and once you have good catalysts you don’t swap them out that much, right?” I hear the diablolike veterans asking, because that is how socketing works in most of those games. And normally you would be right. Except for one major change: All your catalysts only last until the end of your run. When you get to the cash out screen, and choose to keep going? You keep them. But if you choose to cash out, or if you ever die, your catalysts all vanish. Every new run you have to go through and collect them again, which results in you playing your heroes in new ways and adopting new strategies based on what catalysts drop for you each run.

It’s an INCREDIBLE easy to learn system that adds SO MUCH depth and replayability to the game. I love it so incredibly much. Each mechanic flows elegantly into the the next. The catalysts help you do better runs which gets you better gear which upgrades your heroes which lets you do better runs, the entire spiral being locked into your account level to give a quantifiable metric of how far this spiral is gone. It was so good!

And now, it’s gone forever.

Man that sure was a long post. Friends have heard me go on this rant SO many times. Thank god I never got into a second mediocre game filled with novel innovations that are ultimately lost to time and can never be experienced again due to Always Online DRM making it unplayable. Can you imagine if I didn’t learn my lesson and did that a second time? Ha!

… I never did that again. Right?

… right?

…

HEX: Shards of Fate

Hex was a digital TCG legal battle with TCG elements created by Cryptozoic. It was originally put up on Kickstarter, advertised as a digital card game with both PvE and PvP modes, a unique focus on the design space opened up by being a digital game, and gameplay damn near identical to Magic: The Gathering.

The thinly veiled truth was that this game was never meant to succeed. They had hoped it would, and it would be great if it did, but I’m fairly certain that was always a secondary objective. The first objective was to get sued by Wizards of the Coast over the similarities to Magic: The Gathering.

Now, that might sound strange to an outsider, but to anyone in the industry, they are probably nodding along and going “Yeah that tracks actually.”

You see, Wizards of the Coast is… bad. Really bad. They do everything in their power to choke the life out of the industry and have resorted to a lot of questionable tactics to do so. One of these is against anyone who develops any form of trading card game. You see, WotC has a patent on booster packs, customizable decks of cards, and turning cards sideways.

Literally.

U.S. Patent No 5,662,332 (A)

It is not a coincidence that the second two biggest names in TCGs don’t involve turning your cards sideways. Konami contested that Yugioh was different enough to not violate the patent.

WotC responded by suing them. They settled out of court.

Nintendo actually hired WotC to design the Pokémon TCG to NOT violate the patent in return for WotC getting to distribute the first few sets. WotC gladly accepted, distributed the game, got their cut of the sales, and as soon as that was over….

WotC responded by suing them. They settled out of court.

Every single other game out there ended up paying royalties to WotC. Because the cut of the sales to WotC was cheaper than going to court even if you won. WotC had their fingers in every pie, but was smart enough to make sure not to piss people off so much that refusal was ever a viable option.

Cryptozoic was a company that, at the time, was making several licensed TCGs. The big one that jumps out was the World of Warcraft TCG, which they were in charge of (though it was originally made by Upper Deck). Cryptozoic was begrudgingly paying royalties because having the WoWTCG license was too good and they didn’t want to give that up. Then Hearthstone happened and Cryptozoic was going to lose the WoWTCG license as it got discontinued.

So Cryptozoic set up their new game, Hex, specifically to bait WotC into suing them, so they could get the patent overturned.

See, the patent isn’t actually valid. You cannot patent a game mechanic. There are certainly aspects of the patent that ARE valid and CAN be enforced, but the parts about mechanics can’t actually be enforced. WotC uses it because people can’t contest it, but if it actually was used in court it would get overturned VERY easily, and WotC would be declawed.

So Cryptozoic created a game that was a clone of MtG, used a Kickstarter to build up a large amount of legal funds, and got sued by WotC! Yes! Exactly what they wanted!

… and then they settled out of court.

Sigh.

I guess I’ll talk about the game now.

Lore

The lore of the game was solid. Pretty typical fantasy setting. Humans and elves and sort of racist orcs (better than most other orcs I’ve seen at least) and extremely racist tribal coyote people make up the good guys. Undead, spider-orcs, dwarves, and also pretty racist samurai rabbit people make up the bad guys.

There are two types of magic in the world: Blood magic and Wild magic. Elves are adept at wild magic. Shin’hare (the rabbit people) are adept at wild magic as well. The Shin’hare tried to take over the world, forcing the Orcs, Humans, Elves, and Cyotle to ally together to drive them underground into the underworld.

There the Shin’hare met and allied with the Vennen, an all male race descended from Orcs. They were adept blood mages, and they procreated by kidnapping orcs and using them as incubators for spiders. I fucking love the Vennen. I’ll focus on them a lot in this. The Vennen taught the Shin’hare how to sacrifice their young for more power.

The two then allied with the Dwarves, a genderless race of sentient stone statues who excel at creating machinery, and who believe the world itself is a giant machine. Specifically, a weapon of mass destruction, and they are trying to set it off. They believe blowing people the fuck up to be their natural calling.

The underworld and overworld forces go back and forth a bit, with the Elves doing a large chunk of the work as the only overworld race that can use magic.

Then Hex happened. Hex is a massive meteor made up of Diamond, Emerald, and Sapphire. Hex punched clean through the world, scattering gems all across it, before stabilizing in orbit on the other side, becoming the worlds moon.

These gems were incredibly magical, allowing every race to now use magic. Diamonds were restorative, bringing life to things. Rubies were extremely destructive and burned bright and hot and quickly. Sapphire allowed finesse manipulation and control over water. These

Yes this is just the MtG color pie.

Eventually, humanity stumbled into one of their old crypts that was very close to the impact site of Hex, and found it CRAWLING with undead. They were taking the Diamonds from Hex and putting them into the eye sockets of human corpses, causing those corpses to reanimate. These were NOT actually undead, but an alien consciousness that existed within the gems that were using human corpses as a host.

The Necrotic sought a peaceful and symbiotic relationship with humanity as thanks for the use of the bodies. Humanity responded by getting really pissed off that the Necrotic were grave robbing, and went to war over it. Eventually the Necrotic retreated deep into the underworld and allied with the other races instead, eventually helping the Shin’hare with a second attack on the surface.

The lore has a lot more depth than that, but that’s the basic. I liked it a lot. The Orcs being good guys who just really liked tests of strength was a refreshing take on orcs. I liked them a lot. The extremely racist caricature that made up the Cyotle and the Shin’hare? Less so.

Digital Design Space

As for the actual gameplay… it was MtG. Like, almost 1:1.

Like…

Seriously.

Shards work similarly to Lands, with there being 5 basic shards, Diamond, Sapphire, Ruby, Wild, and Blood. You can only play one Shard per turn and when you do you get 1/1 Resource. 1 resource to spend on this turn, and 1 permanent resource. You spend that resource to play a card that costs 1, and you go down to 0/1 resources. Start of your turn, you would go back up to 1/1 resource.

Pretty straight forward stuff. Resources are a card type like in MtG, but once it’s played it acts as a perpetual resource like the Mana in Hearthstone, with no need to care about where the resource is coming from.

… wait a second though, this is a MtG clone. It uses the color pie. Caring where those resources come from is KIND OF a big deal in MtG.

Which is the first really cool difference between Hex and MtG! THRESHOLD! Each time you play a shard you gain 1 threshold in that color. To play a card, you have to have at least as many threshold as are displayed below its cost. See that purple dot below Murder? That means you need 1 blood threshold to play it.

Threshold is NOT consumed when you play a card, which DRASTICALLY alters deckbuilding and how feasible multi-color decks are.

For example, in MtG, if you had 4 swamps and 1 mountain in play, and 5 cards in hand that all cost R…. You can play 1 whole card this turn.

In Hex, if you have 4 Blood and 1 Ruby, and have 5 cards that all cost 1 and have a single Ruby threshold, you can play your entire hand that turn. This made it incredibly viable to splash colors in relatively smaller amounts. It also opened up cool new design space, like cards that cost 1 but still required 3 threshold in a color. Or cards that require 1 threshold of every type to activate a bonus effect (very common among Necrotic) or… for sockets!

HEY WE ARE COMING FULL CIRCLE!

Remember how I mentioned Diablolike games having sockets, but how Darkspore didn’t use it? Well Hex DOES. There was a pair of keywords called Socketable Major and Socketable Minor. Each set, there would be 10 gems (two of each color) that rotated out for Socketable cards. Cards with Major sockets could equip any gem, while minor sockets could only equip half of them. So for example the current rotation might have the Sapphire gems be “While you have at least 1 Sapphire Threshold, this card has Flying” for its Minor gem, and “When you play this card, if you have at least 3 Sapphire Threshold, target player draws 3 cards”

You chose which gem was in each Socketable card during deckbuilding. Different copies of the same card could have different gems equipped, or you could have the same gem equipped across multiple different cards. It was basically a way to go “This card was designed to be splashed in other color decks. You pick what that other color is.”

It opened up a lot of design space! This was something Hex did VERY well. They knew they were making a MtG clone, but they weren’t beholden to the same restrictions a physical card game did, and they THRIVED in those areas.

For example, REPLICATORS GAMBIT, a one cost card that creates six copies of a troop (read: creature) that just… could not exist in MtG.

Another example of this was in my favorite archetype in Hex: Mill. Now, I’m not normally a blue player. I’m not a big fan of the ‘you don’t get to play the game’ archetype. Even mill isn’t really my thing. But the way it worked in HexTCG? God I loved it. I wish I could see my opponents faces as they reached a trembling hand out to their bloated, grotesque deck, a cruel mockery of what it once was. They had started the match with only 60 cards, but now it held twice that number. Knowing every draw was more likely to bring their own skittering death out.

…

Maybe I should back up a bit.

There the Shin’hare met and allied with the Vennen, an all male race descended from Orcs. They were adept blood mages, and they procreated by kidnapping orcs and using them as incubators for spiders. I fucking love the Vennen. I’ll focus on them a lot in this.

Vennen are, in MtG terms, tribal Blue/Black with a focus on control. Specifically an aggressive form of control. Your wincon is still ‘beat your opponent to death’, but the means by which you do it is… spiders.

Lots of Vennen cards work by still allowing your opponent to do the thing that you blocked, but it now creates Spider Eggs in their deck. Lock down a creature as it enters play with ‘Everytime this creature becomes tapped, shuffle 3 spider eggs into your deck’ or ‘Whenever an opponent draws a third card this turn add a spider egg to their deck’ or ‘When this creature is destroyed add a spider egg to your opponent’s deck’ and when they DRAW a spider egg… well… the effect of a spider egg is more or less ‘When this card enters your hand or graveyard, draw/discard another card into that zone and destroy this one. Your opponent creates a Spiderling and puts it in play. “

Spiderlings are 1/1 Unblockable creatures.

The Vennen win con is to just fill your opponent with spiders and then shred them apart once the spiders start hatching. It was a DELIGHTFUL playstyle.

PvE

Hex also features a fairly robust PvE mode with a point crawl encounter map that was quite delightful. There were cards unique to PvE, but all PvP cards were also legal in PvE. In general, all your staples came from PvP and were the same core staples everyone uses to win (they were very generous with handing out common/uncommon PvP cards in the single player mode, which in turn also made Pauper a very popular format), however you also had PvE cards which made up your win cons. PvE cards weren’t balanced as tightly, and allowed to just be dumb overpowered bullshit just because it’s fun to use dumb overpowered bullshit sometimes!

There were also equipment slots that would modify the cards in your deck, turning PvP cards into PvE cards. For example, Replicators Gambit made it so that EVERY copy of that card gained that text.

PvE started with character creation. You would create a character that was one of the 8 races, and one of 6 3 different classes. Warrior, Cleric, or Ranger. I think there was a late update that added Mage but I don’t recall too clearly, and it isn’t document online anymore as far as I can tell!

Each class had a unique talent tree that you could customize and change how you played. Your race determined what colors you could play, and your level determined how many of each rarity you could play.

I played a Vennen Cleric. Cleric’s whole thing was that you would gain Blessings, 0 cost cards that would rise in your deck each turn, and could be played to draw a card as well as additional effects based on your build. My blessings put more eggs in the enemy deck, to the surprise of no one.

As you went from encounter to encounter you would earn new cards to modify your deck, swapping decks between fights. Then there were dungeons, long laborious streaks of a dozen or so encounters, with branching paths and decisions to be made, earning you tons of new packs and equipment and experience to boost your character. One especially fun encounter was crossing a desert with a pack of… I think it was gnomes? There were 20 of them that needed rescuing. The way you rescued them was putting them in your deck, and then leaving the desert through a single combat encounter. Except they were AWFUL. Like 3 cost vanilla 1/1’s level of awful. The more you had in your deck, the harder the encounter became. It was a really nice way to portray the logistical challenge of trying to fight while protecting all these useless tagalongs.

There were plans to even introduce Raids, 3v1 PvE encounters, but they fizzled out as the game got sunset.

The game was good. REALLY good. It relished in the digital design space in a way I haven’t quite seen since then. A few games, like Legends of Runeterra, have come close, but always fall short, and that’s so sad! I DESPERATELY want to play a TCG with this level of customization again!

Luckily that was the end of it. I finally learned the error of my ways, never touched anything ‘always online’ again, and now can live a life without regrets! … except Legends of Runeterra a little bit like I mentioned above but THATS IT! There are no other always online games I have regrets about!

…

ToonTown Online

Okay no, not seriously. I’ve never played toontown. But honestly it looked kinda silly and like a shitpost in video game form. I think it would have been fun to try at some point with a few friends. Not seriously, just to screw around in for a bit.

Never going to get that chance. Just like nearly everyone reading this will never get to play two of my biggest influences that shaped how I think about game design.

Always Online DRM is an insidious beast. It doesn’t just kill games, it kills *archival*. All we have left of these games is a relatively small number of gameplay videos. I was planning on having a lot more pictures in this post of all the interface elements I was talking about as I talked about them, but there just… aren’t any good pictures of them. Even these details are based on my own memory cross referenced with a couple of wikis, and even those were sparse.

Some games can’t feasibly avoid Always Online. MMO’s are a big example. But by adding it into a game that has a single player experience involved, and not making that single player experience a standalone thing on its own, you are destroying any hope that your game will be remembered. It will fade into obscurity. There will never be a cult revival. Your work will be discarded and forgotten and it’s… so incredibly sad to see.

I jokingly titled this section being about ToonTown, but really this section is about Kingdom Hearts: Union X. It was a mediocre and disgustingly predatory gacha. It was horribly managed with horrible issues around localization and it was just… a mess. But it was part of the world of Kingdom Hearts, and it’s story was important and mattered.

The game is no longer playable, but it’s also not entirely lost. The devs created a new version of it, as a gallery to view the cutscenes. The single-player side mode, Dark Road, is also included. The devs didn’t have to do this. They could have gone the same route as Darkspore and HexTCG, and had their work be forgotten. They chose to save it. Not in full, but at least the parts the deemed important.

It also makes me wonder how much this happens in other mediums. Ludology is a pretty new field, and it rarely goes into specific games and their impact on the medium, mostly just focusing on the impacts they have on humanity, rather than the mechanics themselves as these beautiful pieces of art. And it makes me wonder how often this happens with say… film critics. Are there any indie film makers who are deep in the paint of indie films and critique of not just the films themselves, but the very techniques being used, just sitting there going “It’s so upsetting that this big studio managed to do something this beautiful and all of us in the scene recognize it’s beauty, but no one else seems to, and now it’s gone?”

… as I’m writing this I actually realize that this does happen there. It’s how I found out about what became my favorite film of all time, The Man From Earth. It’s a small film that flopped horribly in theaters, and only gained any attention by being pirated by a lot by indies who wanted to talk about it. It’s a good movie, highly recommend. Not for everyone though.

I don’t know. I’m sure I had a point with all this but… seeing it happen again and again and now with streaming services taking stuff down it’s just… I can’t help but seeing not just more and more games, but more and more of EVERY artistic medium ending up in this area. How many digital artists entire portfolios have vanished off the face of the earth because their tumblr got deactivated? How many movies are going to be gone forever when Netflix eventually goes out of business? We can’t even rely on piracy! Many old pieces of media is just lost forever. Just ask the Doctor Who fandom. They probably know more about that than anyone else at this point.

But mostly I just really wish more developers would consider what parts of their games are important, and what kind of legacy they want to leave, instead of just what will generate a short burst of profit, with no care for what happens after.

… I should start doing video essays with how long this got. It’s like some kind of text based video essay. A text essay. Those are a new thing I just invented.

[deansapplepie]

I don’t believe in colors…(Soulmate Au)

Summary: What could possibly happen when two people that grew up with no example of a healthy relationship are destined soulmates?

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x female! Reader

Prison Era

Genre: Angst, Strangers to Soulmates to Enemies to Friends (?), kind of neutral/happy ending.

Warnings: angst, violence, mentions of abusive relationships, toxic behavior, swearing, mentions of death, small brief mention of sexual abuse attempt(not by Daryl), mentions of domestic violence against children and woman. (Let me know if I forgot anything)

Word count: 7,111

A/N: When I had the idea for this, I didn’t think it would become so angsty as it is. The characters just took control of the story and this is the result. I tried to soften in the end, but I didn’t see any other way of finishing this one shot if not like this to be coherent to the characters evolution.

In the world you lived before there were a thing that they called soulmates. Everyone had one and should find in their lives, and how would you know if you find your soulmate? Well… you couldn’t see colors until you met the person destined to you.

Sometimes people would become tired of waiting to meet their soulmates, so they would settle with a person they liked but wasn’t their destined one, and that is what you thought happened to your parents. They never admitted it clearly to you, they told you fairytales about soulmates when you were little and they always told you they were soulmates, but their relationship told you otherwise. You thought they were trying to feed that fantasy on you.

You’ve seen in your friends’ house before, how their parents were. They had heart eyes at each other almost always, treated each other good and were really partners. Not that you believed soulmates didn’t have their differences, you knew they fought like every other couple, but it was never so intense like it was back at your home.

Your parents would fight every single day, over stupid things or things from their past that they should have already forgiven each other. Both your parents had a short temper, your father would punch, kick and break everything at home, while your mother would provoke him and elicit more fight between them. As soon as you could, you left home, trying to leave everything behind. They were good parents, they loved you and all, but their toxicity against each other spilled over you all the time and you couldn’t help not feeling emotionally involved in it. Even when you lived alone you couldn’t help but jump when you heard any slightly high noise thinking it was you father having another outburst, and you didn’t even lived with them anymore. So, because of them you didn’t believe soulmates were real, even though you had been proven by many people that it indeed was real. In your mind, you also felt like you were cursed and just like your parents you weren’t destined to find your soulmate.

The world now was very different than it used to be before, there were dead people that in reality were undead walking around everywhere and killing the living. When the outbreak happened, you were alone. You tried contacting your family but they never answered the phone. Now you think that by that time they were probably already dead. In the months following the end of the world you had been in many different groups, finding friends in some, just to lose them to the dead ones or for the sons of bitches alive ones. Other times you ended up in groups that had no good people and which you didn’t want to be related, so you’d escape in the middle of night and try to distance yourself the maximum from them.

With the end of the world, you would never find your soulmate, not that you wanted to. You didn’t believe on this shit anymore. Now you were alone, you’d rather stay like this than to start liking people and have they dying, or to be with the wrong people again.

You were now in a small town in Georgia, you didn’t even know the name of the city, but it didn’t matter anymore. You were looking for some place you could stay, maybe a night or two… who knows. You found a small market that still had some supply, so you started taking everything that you think could be useful and that you could carry by yourself. You were in the back of the market when you heard the front door opening, you hid behind a shelf and listened to a man and a woman talking. You tried to guide yourself by their voices so you would not encounter them and leave silently. You had your gun in your hand, you were bypassing the shelf when between one corridor and the other you came face to face to a brunette woman and an asian man. You hold your gun in their direction and they pointed theirs at your.

“I don’t wanna problem. Just took some supplies and I’m leaving.” You told them.

“Who are you?” The woman asked.

“I’m no one. It doesn’t matter, we’re not seeing each other again after today.” You answered while analyzing both of them and all the ways you could escape them.

“How can we know if you’re not gonna attack us?” The man asked.

“I’d already have attacked you if I wanted, I hid because I wanted to leave without being noticed. It’s not like I can trust you’re not attacking me too.” They didn’t seem like bad people, but you could see they were as cautious as you were.

“You can go, as long as you don’t try anything against us, we’re not going to attack you.” The woman said and she and the guy let you pass, still pointing the gun at you.

You walked backwards still pointing the gun at them, till you reached the front door. When you were going to open the door and leave you saw a small herd of deads coming on the street.

“Fuck.” You cursed going back in their direction. “Go to the back, there are many deads coming.”

They looked to see if it was true and went to the back of store with you. You hid behind the shelves sometimes checking to see if they were still passing. Your plans of staying around for more than one day could be forgotten it wasn’t safe around here.

“Do you have somewhere to stay?” The woman asked you.

“Yes, I do.” You lied.

“If you don’t we have a place, maybe you could come with us. You just need to answer some questions.” She said, You didn’t even know each other’s names, why were she trusting you that they had a place.

“We have a group, there’s more people. It’s safer.” The young man completed.

“I don’t do groups anymore.” You answered, finding a shelf of condiments very interesting. “I’m better alone.”

“We have fences, and walls. It’s well protected where we are. Our group have survived well since the beginning.” She said.

“Lucky you, everybody I met along the way is dead and the ones that aren’t, I wish they were.” You answered dryly.

“I’m Maggie.” The woman said, You didn’t want to know their names, you just wanted to go. “He’s Gleen.”

You didn’t say anything, it made the couple start to think about everything that might have happened to you and your groups so you would be like this. Meanwhile, you thought that maybe, a name would not be so harmful. It was just a word after all.

“Y/N.” You said.

Should you trust people again? Should you be close to people again and hurt when they die and leave you alone in this world one more time? What if they were like the others?

“How many walkers did you kill?” Glenn asked you, and you got a little confused.

“Walkers?” You asked back, what the hell was this?

“The dead people walking around.” He clarified.

“I don’t know, do you keep a track on that? Would never be able to count.” This question was an absurd who would count it and remember the numbers days after.

“How many people did you kill?” He asked you again. What?

“2, maybe 3.” You answered. “These questions are getting weird.”

“Why?” Maggie asked you, this was an important one.

“One man tried to hurt my friend, I had to do it to save her, but well… she died either way. The other two, was a group that I found when I was alone, they took me in, but they weren’t good people. Those men they… tried…” You looked at Maggie, you didn’t know why you were giving all this details to them, but she was a woman, she would understand. “… you know. I killed one of them trying to escape, the other one was hurt and unconscious when I left, so I don’t know if he counts as one of the people I killed.”

“Come with us.” She said, Rick was probably going to be mad at them, but something told her that she needed to take you in, and if Maggie made a decision Glenn trusted her. “If you don’t like it there, you can leave.”

You looked at them, and you didn’t believe on that shit of trust your inner voice or feel people energy, but in fact your inner voice said you should go with them and you felt they had a good energy. Maybe… it was instinct, well, on instincts you could believe.

“Ok, I’m going with you. Don’t try to keep me there if I don’t want to, and if you do, know that’ll find my way out. No matter how.” You said, you wanted this to be a warning to them, but they just saw someone that was hurt by the end of the world just like them and that because of this had some trust issues, just like them. They couldn’t blame you, they didn’t trust people easily too.

“Perfect. We’re getting what we need and then we’re going.” Maggie said enthusiastically.

They asked for your help and you helped them, between all the things they caught there was baby formula, so apparently their group had a baby. When you had got everything they needed, you stored it on their car and you entered in the back seat while the couple went on the front.

The ride was silent most of the time, except for the couple chatting all the time. At some point, Maggie decided to make a conversation with you.

“So, Y/N… have you found your soulmate yet?” You almost rolled your eyes, why everyone was so obsessed with it?

“Does it look like I did?” You couldn’t contain the bitter answer leaving your lips as a natural answer. “He’s pretty much dead already, if he exists. I don’t believe in soulmates.”

“Well, Glenn and I are soulmates, so you should believe if we exist.” She answered trying to convince you. Well, you believed people before and they were lying.

“ I can’t see through your eyes, and as I can’t see… I don’t believe in colors, in the same way I don’t believe in soulmates.” You answered as if it was the most logical thing, if you can’t see, it doesn’t exists.

“You sound just like our friend… he doesn’t believe on all of this too. Maybe you’ll be good friends.” Glenn commented from the driver seat. You had the feeling you’d want to leave that place soon enough if everybody was like them… otherwise you’d melt your heart again, and you’d suffer again. You could be a bitter person, but you also enjoyed having good people around you. You didn’t have many friends in the old world, but you had the best and they were just as pleasant as these people sounded to be, You didn’t want to have your hopes high.

The rest of the trip was silent on your side, they didn’t try to push you to talk again, and you were glad about it, because you didn’t want to get more involved than you already were by going with these people. When you arrived, you discovered that their place was a prison. Indeed a good place for a group to build something, but for how long? Was it really safe? The gates opened and the car drove up the highest point in the prison, stopping near one of the blocks.

Glenn and Maggie left the car, and you followed them grabbing your backpack. People started to gather around and one man came furiously in your direction. “What did I tell you about bringing strangers?” He throw the words at the couple.

“She was alone Rick and she saved us from a herd.” Maggie said. No, you didn’t. You just let them know there was a herd coming, what they did after that was their choice.

“We made her the questions, she can be helpful and she’s not a danger for us.” Glenn said.

“Well, that we’ll see…” the Rick guy told eyeing you as if he stared long enough he’d be inside your mind and see your true intentions. “Take everything that can be used as weapon from her, we’ll have her separated from us.”

“Wait! Nobody said I’d be unarmed here.” You protested giving a step backwards. “I’m not staying in a place I am outnumbered and with no weapon.”

“These are the rules to stay, we can’t trust you just now. Once we know you’re reliable you’ll have your guns back.” Rick said making it clear there was no negotiation.

“Fine, so I’m leaving. I didn’t want to come to start with, these two convinced me. I’ve been on my own all this time, I don’t need this.” You finished moving your finger around to indicate the prison.

“Wha’s goin’ on?” You heard a raspy voice coming from behind you in the same moment you took your backpack and turned around to go to the exit.

When you turned around there happened to be a tall man approaching the group, wearing sleeveless shirts showing his well built arms and carrying a crossbow, and when your eyes met his, you knew you were fucked. The world around you became bright and colorful all at once, the sun light didn’t affect you much before, but now it was almost blinding with all the light and colors. You put your hand on your forehead trying to protect your eyes and both of you said one single word.

“Fuck.”

Everyone around, or at least the ones that had already experienced it, knew what was happening and they couldn’t be more in shock. Maggie felt as if she was a prophet that made a divination that you had something to do with them. Glenn couldn’t believe in his eyes, in the whole world these two people with the same beliefs, really? Hershel had a knowing smile on his face, he just wanted to go to the archer and tell him ‘I told you so, son’, but in this moment he couldn’t do it. You came out from the daze you were in, a million thoughts running on your head.

“Yeah, that’s it. I’m definitely leaving.” You said looking to the man that had some intensity in his blue eyes that you couldn’t quite read, and you didn’t want to.

You started to go down the hill on the direction of the gates, everyone was shocked and didn’t understand your reaction. Soon, you were stopped by Maggie that ran and jumped in front of you.

“You can’t go.” She said, and you laughed dryly.

“You said no one would keep me here if I didn’t want. So, yes, I can.” You replied trying to continue going by walking to the other side.

“You found your soulmate, you can’t just live like this.” She said, and this time you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Do you have any idea of how many people wish they could find their soulmates?” Oh, you had an idea.

“I can, and I’m leaving.” You replied. “This soulmate bullshit isn’t real and the colors, they’re useless, I lived well enough without them.”

“I understand, you’re panicking. I panicked too when I first met Glenn, but look we’re here now.” Maggie told you about her experience trying to convince you.

Soon Glenn, showed by Maggie’s side to try to reason with you. “Are you going to lose your chance of love?”

“Love is a lie, and you’re stupid if you believe on it.” You spat the words and opened you way between him and Maggie continuing your path.

Daryl stayed glued at his spot, no reaction came from him. He never believed on soulmates, his parents obviously weren’t soulmates, and he never thought that him a Dixon, was worthy of find his. He didn’t even think he had one, if soulmates were real, and he new they weren’t. All the group observed the situation and had no idea on what to do. Glenn and Maggie tried their best to convince you to stay, but they weren’t successful. Against his own beliefs on what was better for the group, Rick followed you and when you were almost at the gate he stopped you.

“Stay.” He said blocking your way to the gate.

“Now, you want me to stay? Just because apparently I’m your friend’s soulmate. Tell him, he can shove the colors up in his…” Rick interrupted you before you could complete what you were going to say.

“Stay, you can keep your weapons. Whatever. If Glenn and Maggie trust you, I’m going to trust you too.” He insisted, how could he change his mind completely? If he trusted the couple so badly he would have accepted you right away.

Even though Rick never had a soulmate, he knew they were real, because he saw how his parents were. He really loved Lori, his late wife, but they weren’t soulmates. He couldn’t just let you go away and let Daryl lose his chance on happiness. The archer deserved to be happy, he was a good man and had become a good friend of his, and he couldn’t let his stubbornness, and yours, get on Daryl’s Happiness way.

“Ok, I think. I’m going to stay some days and see if I stay here or not.” You replied after a moment of thinking between kicking his balls and running away, and staying here with your not-soulmate and all these people.

“Good. Follow me, I’m going to introduce you to the others. I’m Rick.” He told you while you went back up the hill.

“Y/N.” You simply answered, he was not nice with you in the beginning, you’re not going to be nice to him too.

When you were back up there, he started presenting you all the people. You got to know Hershel, an elderly man that was Maggie’s father and the doctor of the group. You met Carol a sympathetic short haired woman. Then, Rick turned to the blue eyed man that happened to be your ‘soulmate’.

“This is Daryl Dixon. Daryl, this is Y/N” he introduced you to each other, to all the others you had greeted, used the education your parents gave you, they may had been a shitty couple, but they were really good parents. But HIM? You didn’t move one muscle on your face to try being more pleasant, neither did he. He grunted in response, so you grunted back at him.

While that Rick observed both of you and thought that this was going to be a long road. After your grunt exchange with the archer, you followed Rick inside where they had a kind of kitchen. Since you were staying there you opened you backpack and left all the food you had stored in your backpack for the next days. They wouldn’t last too long anyway. A young boy came running to Rick and called him Dad, well the angry man from earlier really had something to protect. He presented the kid as Carl.

“If you want, I can help him with school things. I used to work with kids.” You said, and that was true. It was the last thing you thought you’d ever do in your life, but you ended up working with kids, and you did love the little monsters.

“Ugh… it would be good, but we lost all the school books he had.” He said scratching the back of his neck, part because of the book situation and the other part because he didn’t want to trust his kid to you, but he also wanted to make you feel part of the group so you and Daryl could understand each other.

“Maybe we can look at some school if we find something.” You commented.

Then a young blonde girl came from a gate that took to another part of the compound, carrying a baby on her arms. You learned she was Maggie’s sister and the baby was Judith, Rick’s newborn daughter.

“She’s so cute!” You said, you couldn’t resist to a beautiful baby. You weren’t comfortable with them, but you couldn’t help it when you saw little Judith. “Can I carry her a little bit? Never thought I’d see a baby again.”

Before Rick could say anything, someone spoke for him. “Ya ain’t touchin’ lil ass kicker!” The archer entered the room.

“Last time I checked, the name of her father was Rick Grimes and not Daryl Dixon.” You simply couldn’t not talk back.

“Nobody is going to touch her, because I’m going to take my baby girl right now, cause I missed her so much.” Rick took Jude from Beth’s arms in an attempt to not let you have his daughter, but also to say that’s not because he didn’t trust you, he just didn’t want you and Daryl fighting.

Daryl rolled his eyes at Rick, he knew the ex-sheriff deputy didn’t like strangers touching his kids or close to his kids. So, why not saying it and try to do amends? After the lady named Carol helped you settle in, there was an empty cell that could be yours.

The days passed and the group started to get used to you and you were also getting used to them. Even if you really wanted to run from the place and don’t look back, you had to admit that you were getting attached to these people, something that you didn’t want to happen. Your relation with Daryl didn’t get any better, you talked to each other when necessary and Rick seemed to like to put you two together in activities such as keeping watch and going on runs. Both of you would do everything fighting from beginning to end, at least on watches you stayed most of the time in silence. He liked to blame you for everything that went wrong on the activities you were together, if you didn’t do something the exactly same way he does, he’d get mad and argue with you.

The both of you had just arrived from a run and the others observed as you approached the compound on Daryl’s bike.

“Why don’t they just kiss each other and make out?” Maggie commented to Rick, Glenn and Carol. “It’s obvious this is all sexual tension between them.”

“They’ll at the right time.” Rick replied, even though there was no evolution on your relationship with the archer. “In the meantime, let’s continue to make them work together.”

Once you got off from the bike the group surrounded you to know how it went and what you have brought. When Rick opened his mouth to ask you, you just sighed, but Daryl… he erupted in anger like a damn volcano. “Ask her, how it went! ‘Cause it was shit ‘cause of’er!”

“Me? Really? It’s not my fault if you pick on me because of everything! I can’t even breath wrong!” You bursted and faster than the other times you forgot the whole group was watching.

“Ya attracted all those walkers to us with the tantrum ya threw!” He observed making you even angrier.

“Yes! I freaked out! Because you were picking on my fucking breathing! We had just run from walkers and had finally been able to mislead them, and you were worried with my fucking breathing that they couldn’t even listen to! How did you expect me to breath after a run?!” He was making no sense. It was ridiculous how he found excuses to fight with you.

“I expected ya to not be so infuriating!” He didn’t want to let you win.

“Look, I don’t like you. You don’t like me. So make me a favor, don’t talk to me even on runs. Just like we do during the watches. It’s gonna be better for the group.” Everybody was stupefied, this had been the worst fight you had in all the history of fights you had, which were many for the short period of time you were with the group.

“The heavens must really dislike me to send a soulmate jus’ like ya.“ he spit the words without even noticing that he was talking about something he didn’t believe.

“I have no soulmate! Soulmates don’t exist!” You exploded. “If you’re my soulmate, where were you? Where were you when I most needed? Where were you when I wanted to believe in this shit to prove me I was wrong? Where were you when the world ended? Where the fuck were you all the times I was left alone!?”

When you finished you realized you had talked too much, you had even said things you didn’t know you felt. You had tears in your eyes, he was struck and the others were speechless. You opened your bag, took your gun and knife, and then an iron long thing that you found on the patio, and went to Rick.

“Rick, open the gates for me. Please.” You asked.

“You can’t leave in this state, I couldn’t permit…” he tried to reason with you.

“I’m not going far. I’ll be ok, open it. Please.” You asked one more time and you hoped he would say yes before your tears fell down in front of everyone.

He said nothing, just turned his back and descended the hills, you followed him till the gate.

“Be careful” he said opening the gate.

“I’m not going far, just gonna kill some walkers around the fence.” You replied, before leaving to kill some walkers and let your feelings out.

Once you found the first one, the iron thing went straight into it’s skull. You pulled the metal and discarded the body going to the next, to the next, to the next, to the next… while you killed each of them, you cried. You cried like you haven’t cried in months. Also, you let the anger you felt go in each walker you killed.

While you were releasing all your feelings on the walkers, Daryl, Rick, Carol and Maggie observed you from afar. “Look, I bet she’s imagining the walkers head ‘s mine.” Daryl tried to joke, which was not well received by the others.

“This isn’t a time for jokes Daryl, she was crying.” Carol reprehended him. “And it’s also not healthy she going outside kill walkers when she’s angry at you.”

“Better them than me.” The archer simply replied. He didn’t want to be defeated, to lose the battle, but he couldn’t deny that your words were still ringing in his ears and that the tears he saw in your eyes shattered something inside him. “Look, she was the one that started all this shit. She looked at me and said ‘yeah, I’m really leaving.’” He said trying to make a high pitched voice for you in the end.

“Are you telling us that all this war between you two, is because you think she decided to leave when she saw you were her soulmate?” Maggie asked the archer that just shrugged. “ are you a man or boy? Seriously?”

“If she doesn’t like wha’ she got, I don’t need to like wha’ I got.” He said. “And, I never believed in that soulmate shit.”

“Don’t believe and half an hour ago said ‘heaven must dislike me for givin’ me a soulmate like ya’, yeah, you really convinced us that you don’t believe in it.” Rick mocked his friend.

“She went through a lot Daryl.” Maggie said, observing like you fought outside the security of the prison worried her. “I don’t know the whole story, but she got traumas and she lost people, just like us. Just like you. Did you ever stopped to think why she doesn’t ‘believe’ in soulmates too? Maybe… the both of you are really a pair made in heaven, you just need to stop hurting each other.”

It was getting late, the day was almost over and there was little time for everything to be completely dark. You hadn’t come back yet, you were still there killing walkers just like if they didn’t tire you at all. The group observed you, it was already time for them to intervene, they couldn’t let you out there anymore.

“Daryl, go bring her inside.” Rick told the redneck.

“Why me? She ain’t comin’ with me.” He protested, from all the people that he could ask, Daryl didn’t think he was the best option.

“You caused this, you bring her back.” Rick said pointing at the woman that was still hitting walkers brains. “ don’t give me that look, I know you both are guilty, but this time you really exaggerated.”

The hunter grunted and left to the gates stomping his feet just like when a child have to do something the parents asked but they don’t want to. His crossbow on his shoulder, knife on his waist and the keys to open the gate in his hand. He opened the gate, closed it and walked in the direction where you were killing walkers non stop. When he got close to you, he took his crossbow and hit the last walker you were going to kill. When the walker fell to the ground, an arrow in the middle of its head you turned around and saw the archer coming in your direction.

“It was mine! You had no right to kill it!” You protested all the anger you had towards him coming back.

“Last time I checked walkers were no one’s property, sweetheart. It’s fair game.” He replied you sarcastically. “The show is over, let’s go back inside.”

“Fuck you! I’m going nowhere with you.” You threw him your middle finger and started walking farther from the entrance to the prison.

“Never told ya had a choice…” He said right before he caught you and threw you over his shoulder, your upper half on his back and your ass right at his shoulder.

“Put. Me. Down. DIXON!” You’d punch his back and try to kick his stomach, but his hold on your leg stopped you of being able to do so.

“That’s ma name.” He said walking with you in the direction of the gates. “Stop being a brat.”

“I hate you!”

Punches. Kicks. Grunts.

“I know.”

“When you put me down, I’m gonna kick your balls up your ass…” you threatened him.

“I’d like to see ya try.” He replied nonchalantly, while he put the gate aside just enough to enter with you, closing it right after and locking.

“We’re inside. Put me down.”

He ignored you going up the hill still carrying you.

“You know that I’m armed and I have this thing, I don’t know what it is, in my hand that can go through walkers brains and that I can use against you.” You threatened him, but he knew you wouldn’t do that. You were tough, but he also knew that you knew he wasn’t going to do anything against you, so you’d not actually try to kill him.

“Yeah, I know. If ya wanted, ya’d had already killed me with this thing.” He replied no worry in his voice. You just felt like a fraud not being able to threaten him and get what you wanted. “Yer order is delivered sir.” Daryl said as soon as you were in front of the buildings, the others waiting for you, he put you down.

You were covered in walker blood, your head, face, hair, clothes, arms… Your face, a mess of blood, sweat and tears, literally. You looked at Rick and you knew he was the one that sent Daryl there, also what Daryl said implied it a little.

“You could just had called me, Rick.” You told the ex sheriff deputy.

You took your backpack that was still on the ground and just shoved your gun and knife inside it. Heading inside you sighed heavily now being aware of the tiredness of your body and feeling disgusted by all the dirt and walker blood on you. You dropped your things on your cell, took a new change of clothes, a towel and went to the showers.

Later that day in the silence of your cell, you felt an uneasy feeling. You missed your family, you missed your fucked up family… you didn’t miss the everyday life you had when you were younger, all the fights, hurtful words and broken furniture around the house, but you missed the little nice moments, playing with your dad when you were little, the comforting embrace of your mother when you needed it and the small time between all the fights that seemed like bad things would never happen again, just to happen a few hours/days later.

You had managed to keep some photos of your family with you. Your parents when they were still dating, you and them in a park picnicking when you were five and 2 photos from your high school and college graduation. You smiled at the pictures, but you remembered that things were not exactly fine in most of them. Now that you could see colors, even though you were not an expert, you could see that the clothes were chosen just by appearance because the colors didn’t match at all. They never could see colors.

“Fucking liars, you couldn’t see shit.” You sniffled, you were crying with all the memories.

You got up from the bed and went downstairs, you didn’t know what made you do that, maybe you were just tired or maybe you weren’t on your right mind. You thought it would take a longer time to find what you were looking for, but like a joke of destiny you soon found what you wanted in that moment. In the end of the stairs Daryl Dixon was standing, and you didn’t know but he was pretty much looking for the same thing as you.

“Can we talk?” You both said and you couldn’t help but smile ironically. That was the first time that Daryl saw you smiling, at least at him. It wasn’t as you giving him a happy smile, but it was one either way. The corner of his mouth quirked a little for a second at the sight of yours.

You walked outside of the compound and sat on a bench. Everything was pitch black, except for where the moonlight hit and Daryl’s lighter lighting up his cigar. There was a long silence between you, apparently both thinking about the best words to say.

“I’m sorry.” You said, the words feeling strange on your tongue. There was a long time you didn’t use this word.

“For wha’?” Daryl asked blowing some smoke.

“Everything, except for not breathing or walking in the correct way.” You didn’t even know what made you decide to talk to him… maybe, you didn’t want to be like them, maybe it was time to stop reproducing their mistakes.

“Look, she got some sense of humor…” he replied at your remark about your breathing and walking. “ ‘m sorry for being an asshole.”

A silence took place again. ‘And what now?’, you thought. Would everything just be rainbows and unicorns between you? You took the pictures from your pocket and handed them to him. He took his lighter from his pocket, cigar hanging from his mouth… he used the fire from the lighter to illuminate the pictures so he could see them.

“Who are those idiots dressin’ like they’re ready for Halloween?” He asked cigar still in his mouth, smoke coming out and his voice hoarse.

“My parents.” You answered, he almost choked with the cigar and the smoke. “Don’t need to feel bad. I thought almost the same thing when I looked at them now that I can see colors.”

“Look at lil ya dressing the same way…” he said looking at the next picture, at least you were an adorable kid.

“They never told me, but I already knew… and now it’s clear as water that they in fact couldn’t see colors.” You looked at the sky, now a little glad that you could see the dark blue color and the brightness of the stars and the moon decorating the sky.

“Why are ya telling me this?” He gave you the pictures back, this conversation wasn’t really going the way he planned it to be, but he also wasn’t expecting you to want to talk with him.

“Part of me not believing on the soulmate thing… was because of this.” You said, and he was still trying to understand what you meant. “And, now that I’m calmer… I see that this attitude of mine, it’s just me being everything I didn’t want to be and repeating the same mistakes of them.”

He didn’t say anything. Maybe waiting for you to finish talking.

“Also, we said a bunch of words today that we can’t take back.” You completed. When you yelled at him asking where he was… that wasn’t you trying to hurt him somehow or talk back, that was a mix of all your story and your feelings throughout the years. While you said all those words, that were young you that had chosen to not believe, but that still pleaded whatever force there was to prove you that you were wrong, that soulmates were real and that he would bring you out of your misery. You hoped for a life totally different from what your parents had, hoped for someone that would complete you, understand you and have a healthy relationship with you, but here you were, doing everything like them since the beginning. “In the end, I’m exactly like them.”

He looked at you swallowing the smoke from his cigar. Indeed you had said many words to each other and there was no going back. He still needed to understand you, and now that you started speaking, he wanted to listen everything.

“Me, outside, killing walkers? That was totally my dad, the only difference is that I was hitting walking corpses and not our furniture. We’re lucky, we don’t have that much furniture.” You said bitterly.

“Did he beat ya or ya mom?” He had to make that question, it triggered a thousand different feelings in him, but he needed to know.

“No, he never did. Talking about it now… it could have been worse.” You deep breathed and closed your eyes for some seconds, just feeling the night breeze and enjoying the silence. “My temper, me provoking you… pushing all your buttons… I probably got it from my mom, not that you made easy for me.”

“ ‘cause that was all ya knew…” he said turning himself to you.

“And everything I didn’t want to be.” You completed and then a random thought crossed your mind. “Can I try? Your cigar.”

“Do ya want one?” He asked taking his pack of cigars from his pocket.

“No, I just wanna try yours. I never smoked, if I don’t like I don’t wanna waste a good cigar that you could smoke.” You answered and then he stretched his arm in your direction offering you the cigar.

You took the cigarette between your fingers and analyzed it before bringing it to your mouth. “Ma old man was a drunk, he used to beat ma big bro and when Merle wasn’t around he started to beat me. Ma mom she died too early, but she didn’t cared much about us too. From what I remember from their relationship they were definitely not soulmates.” You swallowed the smoke and blowed it right after making a face and confirming you didn’t like cigars at all. “Guess… I got much from him too.”

“Well, at least you don’t beat children or women. You’re just an asshole and bad tempered.” You said and right after handed the cigar back to him.

“Was it supposed to make me feel better?” He asked sarcastically bringing the cigarette to his lips.

“I dunno.” You said honestly in fact you did just talked. “It just came out of my mouth.”

“Yeah, things come out of yer mouth pretty easily .” He couldn’t control and let the sassy remark.

“Just as it come from yours…” you replied back. “What did you want to talk?”

“Just wanted to say I’m sorry and offer a truce.” He said, finishing his cigar and throwing it away.

“Sounds good to me.” You answered, a truce sounded just perfect for two people in constant war.

“Wanna go back in the run tomorrow? Maybe this time we’re lucky.”

“I’m in.” You had a good feeling about this, you felt better after having talked to him and the truce that he offered were more than welcome. You didn’t expect much, but peace of mind was already a big step.

Both of you headed inside, agreeing to go early in the morning in the same run you had done that day. You went up the stairs and parted ways in the corridor.

“Good Night, Dixon.”

“Good Night, Y/N.”

[crystalsenergy]

Draconic charts - meaning & how to read (past life personality)

Draconic charts are perfect for seeing the patterns of our Soul - until now. Therefore, this chart helps us to know our personality in past lives.

You can calculate your Draconic chart here.

The Draconic chart is there to remind us of the path our Soul has traveled - or still needs to travel - to evolve.

No Soul of an incarnated being is perfect. Don't be surprised if, when looking at your Draconic chart, you find many excesses, points that may not even manifest in this life… in my view, the Draconic chart is a snapshot of the points we have chosen to evolve in our Soul, points that we have worked on improving in this current life or in some recent ones.

This is because the Draconic chart, in the end, is directly related to the natal chart. The Draconic chart changes as we reincarnate. "But if it represents the Soul, why does it change?" Soul is not fixed, static, frozen in time.

I have an experience to share regarding a Draconic chart that can help better understand what I want to say above.

I know a person who, in this current life, has a chart somewhat opposite to what they have in the Draconic chart - literally opposite.

In the Draconic chart (which represents the condition of our Soul in most recent lives, accumulated patterns, what we have been, the truths we possess), we see a lot of Scorpio, and in the current natal chart, the person is Venusian, with Taurus in various aspects of personality. By the way, this person feels extremely comfortable with Taurus energy, so if she brought this aspect into this life, it's because her Soul has already taken some steps and integrated this point - that doesn't appear in Draconic chart.

This is because we are not born with the natal chart we have by "the force of the universe". The universe doesn't force anything. We don't have a natal chart that was given to us - instead, we define it. Our natal chart is a reflection of our current personality, and the Draconic chart is a reflection of past life patterns, the primary essence that a person possessed. This primary essence doesn't go away, you feel it there, but it evolves, no longer being just what it was on page 1.

Therefore, I see the Draconic chart as the gateway to understanding the past, but not to becoming imprisoned in it. Many end up imprisoning themselves in the past when trying to understand it. The past is past for a reason, and you have certainly changed. Well, you need to change.

"Paty, but does everything change?" Of course not. Only the necessary. And always according to our own efforts. We talk about this below, when explaining the aspects in Draconic charts.

Exactly for this reason, if the person in the example, who has a lot of Scorpio in their Draconic chart, in this current life integrates exactly the opposite sign very easily, we can conclude that this person has made significant progress in relation to their Soul's patterns. And, of course, there is still more to go.

You see, the Draconic chart is not a chart to focus all the time. This is because it represents the past, what we have accumulated in the Soul from past lives.

Every time a life ends, the lessons that make sense are integrated into the Soul; therefore, the Soul changes with each life. The Draconic chart is not a chart to be focused because if it symbolizes the past, which is merely a foundation for the present, and if we are in evolution, we are not here to look back, but to understand what we have from the past to be used in the current moment and what we still have to change, improve because it's not good yet.

Literally, my intention is to convey the idea that the Draconic chart is not a fixed chart that will not change in other lives. This chart represents the higher state in which your Soul was BEFORE you incarnated, came to this earthly experience.

The Draconic chart represents your patterns before you came here, patterns that may be being repeated or changed, issues that may have become only present or still repeat difficulties. The answer to these questions lies in the relationship between the Natal Chart x the Draconic chart.

And since the Draconic chart is not a goal but rather an awareness of what our Soul has been up to this point, the focus must truly be on the relationship between the current personality we assume and the Draconic chart. It is from these two that we see our evolution… and what state we are in relation to that.

We are beings capable of constantly evolving, and understanding this is to move forward and break the monotony of life. It is letting go of the need to be one thing forever, releasing fixed patterns and attachments to your own way of being, to understand that there is something much greater for you to achieve - to achieve from YOURSELF, always.

💜✨ TIPS FOR READING THE DRACONIC CHART 💜✨

I invite you to focus on reading from the following perspective:

Natal x Draconic

-> the lessons we commit to learning in this lifetime IN RELATION to our Soul's constant dynamics, urges, and patterns. <-

The HOUSES in the Draconic and natal charts are always the same because they represent the karmic contract we made with ourselves (karmic not in a derogatory sense, but in terms of lessons and experiences we agreed to undergo for our evolution, the journey we agreed to embark on).

In this contract, these are the areas we are working very hard to master, refine, evolve. In our lives, we are experiencing different perspectives of the same area until we understand that there don't need to be extremes, but rather integration to become broader and more complete.

✨ ASPECTS in the Draconic chart x natal chart ✨

Oppositions - Lessons through discomfort, learning from the opposite side. If there are oppositions, it appears that the necessary lessons have been developed by you in that area involving both planets. This is because the natal chart, on one hand, represents your current personality, the set of traits developed up to the PRESENT. The Draconic chart, on the other hand, represents your Soul's quests in relation to past lives, accumulated patterns that may need improvement and evolution.

Squares - Squares represent points of tension. To understand a square aspect, we can think of the signs that naturally form this aspect. An example is Taurus and Aquarius. While the former prefers things in an earthly, practical, objective manner, aiming for energy conservation, is solid, consistent, seeks comfort and security; the latter often wanders, prefers a more mental approach rather than practical, seeks reason, mental life rather than sensation, pleasure, tactile experience as Taurus does. They are distinct languages in many ways. The same goes for Aries and Capricorn. They are very different signs. Aries is instinctive, fast, immediate, impulsive, assertive, independent, often prefers something new; Capricorn is traditional, closed, melancholic, restrictive, limiting, conservative, practical, and planning. In the relationship between these signs, many things need to be adjusted or even sacrificed (which is not always good) to achieve harmony. Given all this, when reading the Draconic chart x natal chart, if you see squares, they may represent the greatest opportunity of all to learn, evolve. It will be difficult, yes, but these lessons will take you out of your comfort zone, require effort, awareness, and discipline. The keyword for squares is conflict that generates change, learning that generates growth.

Conjunctions - The joining of forces and efforts. Here, we have a tremendous opportunity for a person to be INCREASING, GROWING, and EXPANDING that point in their Soul's personality that already existed (after all, conjunctions represent the union of forces and energies that are very similar, almost identical, because they involve the same sign). It's important to examine, through an analysis of the natal chart as a whole, whether the person is 1) reaching new levels in that aspect of the personality, evolving, or 2) if the person is in a comfort zone. Conjunctions can represent points of evolution in an issue that has been repeating, meaning that you are getting better and better at what your Soul already possesses (level 1, level 2, level 3, only analogy), or it can, on the other hand, indicate a comfort zone.

Sextile - Aspects of your Soul that you are manifesting very easily in the current life, through action. Observe, through astrological analysis and your intuition, if these aspects of ease in your personality are beneficial. Is it something that represents a strong point, a force, or is it something to be improved, worked on, or even transcended? For our evolution, we cannot continue with the same old patterns if they don't lead us on a good path. If it's something that harms you more than it helps (e.g., a pride pattern), it's something you haven't evolved, learned yet, something to be improved. If the aspect represents a strength, something good (e.g., communication skills), it means a point your Soul doesn't need to evolve, and it's perfectly fine to integrate it into this current life.

Trine - The same applies here. With the difference that with trines, you see points of your Soul that you are manifesting very easily in the current life, without effort. Observe, even more in trines, also through astrological analysis and your intuition, if these aspects of your personality are beneficial. Is it something that represents a strong point, a force, or is it something to be improved, worked on, or even transcended? For our evolution, we cannot continue with the same old patterns if they don't lead us on a good path. If it's something that harms you more than it helps (e.g., a pride pattern), it's something you haven't evolved, learned yet, something to be improved. If the trine aspect represents a strength, something good (e.g., communication skills), it means a point your Soul doesn't need to evolve and it's perfectly fine to integrate it into this current life.

✨✏️ NOTES AND Q&A (some) ✨✏️

You can observe that in the Draconic chart, the cusps of the houses (Ascendant to the 12th house) are, as a rule (we have exceptions, for example, natal Libra Rising, draconic Taurus or Cancer Rising, because of degrees), in the same elements as these 12 houses in the natal chart. For example:

Natal chart: Ascendant in Taurus. Draconic chart: Ascendant in Capricorn.

"Does the draconic chart symbolize what we need to achieve?".

No. The draconic chart symbolizes the patterns of our Soul and what we were before we got here. Soul missions can be seen with the Draconic chart being put together with the natal chart.

To have a better vision of life purposes, missions, what you are here to do, you can calmly focus on your North Node and Midheaven.

And what if I don't understand and don't resonate with my personality in the natal chart but much more with the personality in the Draconic chart?

It indicates spiritual issues of disconnection from the present moment, from your process of evolution, and a focus on the past. The Draconic chart is a chart of the past, past lives, the pattern of your Soul before you incarnated. You need to honor your present a lot and not just the past, because the past serves as a lesson, a foundation, but not as a focus for life because life is movement. The great news is that you are aligned with your Soul (Draconic chart), and that means you need to learn to look at what you are now and accept that you are changing, growing, improving.