#I always felt so strange that I am a summer child while I do not enjoy summer at all

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

sooo I will be doing a big update to my masterlist post today, I will split the eras up and give it a clearer overview etc etc, you'll find out. but that means I won't be posting any fics today since it is my birthday, and besides having lowkey plans in the evening, I have an important meeting scheduled in an hour. and I need to do a little Lughnasadh celebration as well! it's a strangely busy day...

anyway here are some edits of my fave boy(s) before I gotta run

[bunnis-monsters]

I'll keep this one simple: Shy merman you befriend as a child and visit as often as you can throughout the years. He slowly gets more confident over time and- that's all I thought of- Whether it be sfw or nsfw is up to you! (I think I'd prefer either both or just sfw) Sorry if this is too vague!

A/N: this is a request for my 5K event! I am doing ALL requests I get within the next 24 hours, send one while you can!

It had been a few months since you last saw him. The two of you grew up together, friends ever since you helped untangle his tail from some fishing line.

He didn’t tell you why, but every summer since his 13th birthday he had been traveling away during the fall, leaving you all alone and missing him.

This time, when he returned during the winter, he was… different.

Large scars littered his belly and arms and he looked hungry and weak… but strangely satisfied. When you rushed to meet him, tears streaming down your cheeks, he smiled wider than he’d ever smiled before.

“I did it, (Name)…”

He gathered you in his arms, making sure you didn’t touch the icy cold water. You could barely make out anything he said through your tears, but blubbered out a quick response. “D-did what!? You’re hurt, I-“

He quieted you with a kiss, setting you down gently on a rock so he could move his face to your neck and deliver a mating bite.

“I defeated a great white… now… I can officially become your mate…”

Your mind was reeling from the new information and fuzzy feeling his kisses and bites gave you. You attempted to speak again but his tongue was already down your throat.

He seemed desperate, as if he wanted this for a while.

“All these years, I’ve never been able to beat one. Since I was 13, I knew I wanted to be your mate…”

He undid your thick pants, pushing them down to your thighs. He was too focused on pushing into your warm cunt to bother with undressing you completely, wanting to form the mating bond as quickly as he could.

You cried out as his large cock entered you, his webbed fingers holding onto your hips as he fucked into your needy cunt. His eyes were half lidded, animalistic noises leaving his lips as he mated you for the first time.

“I love you… I’ve always loved you, since the day you saved me… I’ll always be yours, and you’ll be mine…”

He kept fucking you, filling your womb with his cum until your thighs and ass were red from the cold. Despite wanting nothing more than to breed you until your stomach was heavy and swollen, he took you back to shore to make sure you didn’t freeze.

“I… missed you…” you said, still processing everything. You felt too good to care much about the cold or how fast it all happened, your heart soaring at the way he cooed and kissed you as he kept your body above the water.

“And I missed you, my love…”

From then on, you made sure to save up and get a house on the beach where you could visit your mate… and make sure he could see how your belly swelled with his young.

———————

NSFW TAGLIST: @sunset-214 @screaming-crying-screamingagain @strawberrypoundtown @avalordream @icommitwarcrimes @bazpire @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @j3llyphisching @unforgettablewhvre @yoongiigolden @peachesdabunny @murder-hobo @leiselotte @misswonderfrojustice @dij-ology @i8kaeya @lollboogurl @h3110-dar1in9 @keikokashi @aliceattheart @mssmil3y

[twigg96]

Right Here with You

Daryl X Reader

Place: The HIlltop

POV: You

Pronouns: You/ Your/ They/ She/ Her/ Wife

Warnings: Fluffy fluff, Domestic Fluff, Phoenix acting out, Pregnancy, Complications with pregnancy, Birth, anxiety, worry,

Summary: After the Savior's War you find out your unexpectantly pregnant with your third. You and Daryl move through the motions as best you can surviving the best you always do.

Ever since the Saviors War, you and Daryl had found yourselves visiting the Hilltop more and more. Hershel had just turned one. Phoenix liked to visit and help her auntie Maggie and neither of you minded her using all of her energy doing the mundane tasks Maggie assigned her. Beau was fascinated with the youngster and when you both started to visit after his birth would often be found staring down at him with wide curious eyes whispering imaginative stories to the baby. As time went on however, Beau became strangely clingy to you. You wrote it off as just normal jealousy. That since there was a child younger than him he wanted attention from you he had to make sure you gave him equal treatment.

But strangely enough his behavior persisted for months past when you thought it would stop. Even when you had caught a summer flu that had you down for nearly a week, Beau was clinging to you like a life line. Each time anyone tried to pull him away he screamed at the top of his lungs, kicking and screaming until he could scramble back into your embrace.

So you sat on the wrap-around-porch of the Hilltop with Maggie. She had just finished feeding her little one and handed him to you to hold while she went inside for a quick meeting. Bouncing Hershel on your knee you listened to him happily babble nothingness to you, smiling away. "Is that so?" You whispered back once in a while, giggling as he squealed reaching out with chubby fingers to grab at your face. "Am I interruptin'?" Daryl teased, trudging up the stairs, dripping in sweat, completely filthy from whatever work he had been doing around the Hilltop. "Nah. Just listening to his complaints." You teased back, lifting Hershel up for him to take. Daryl smiled taking the baby from you looking at the baby for a moment. "Ah... he don't look like he's got a lot to complain 'bout... 'sept the mashed peas taste like shit." He laughed as the little one giggled waving his arms around energetically as if to agree with him.

Feeling a soft tug at your shirt you sighed and rolled your eyes. Without even looking down you smiled, reaching down to pat your son on the head. "Well, hello there... how can I help you Beau?" You asked. Beau whined, yanking at your clothes, desperately trying to scale your body and climb into your lap. "Hey... no Beau." Daryl chided, shuffling Hershel in his arms. "C'mon you said ya wanted to come with me ta talk to yer aunt Maggie. So let's go." He muttered. Opening your legs a bit so you could hug your son close you sighed into his hair. "Go on now. Go go keep your Daddy company." You whispered, kissing his crown. But instead of pulling away, you felt him lay his head and his little hands rub your tummy. "I'm so excited, Momma." He giggled. You couldn't help but laugh cocking a curious brow. "Excited for what, baby?" You asked meeting Beau's brilliant blue eyes. "I'm excited for the baby in your belly Momma!" He started and instantly you felt your breath catch in your throat and your skin blanch. Meeting your husband's worried glance you could tell this was news to him too. And why wouldn't it be... you weren't pregnant.

Before you could even speak, Beau had kissed your tummy and pulled away running over to Daryl, holding his hand tightly. "Yeah! There is a baby in your belly like when auntie Maggie had her baby. And when you have him it'll be so cute!" He giggled, bouncing up and down, using Daryl's hand like a spring. "Beau..." Daryl mumbled looking nearly just as sick as you felt. "Who told you Momma had a baby in her belly?" He asked. Your little hellion looked up at Daryl and smiled. "No one... I just know." A wave of nausea crashed over you which absolutely did not help the situation. By the look on your husband's face he felt about the same... ever since the whisperers started to become a problem, none of you ever felt completely comfortable. A new baby... thrown into this... it always was dangerous but now of all times. Right after you just got Daryl back... when you still felt so raw? You felt lightheaded and unsure. But then again it was just something your son said... right?

Standing slowly you turned to the door as it creaked open. Maggie stood smiling, Jesus by her side. "Know what?" She asked, stepping forward holding her arms out to take her son from Daryl. "Momma's got a baby in her belly!" Beau yelled before either you or Daryl could react. Both of the Hilltop residents looked completely shocked, looking from Daryl to you back to Daryl. "Well, congratulations..." Jesus said smirking a slight hint of a tease in his voice. Daryl sighed rolling his eyes as he handed Hershel to Maggie, but you for whatever reason couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed, cornered. "We ain't pregnant." You bit out a little too venomously for anyone's liking. Maggie frowned, holding Hershel to her chest. "Well... Judith was my early warning... she told me and..." She went silent looking to the wood of the porch swallowing a lump in her throat. "That's when I first tested ya know." She whispered. Jesus nodded along. "A lot of the children here have predicted pregnancies... if anything you should at least-" But you didn't let him finish, turning on your heel you huffed, holding your middle you stormed down the stairs. "I said I ain't pregnant!"

"Hey!" Daryl's annoyed voice called out to you as you stormed through the fields of the Hilltop. watching as people hulled wood from one place to another. Trailer doors opening and closing as people filed in and out. Hammers working tirelessly at the heavy wooden wall. You only stopped when you felt Daryl's strong fingers wrap around your wrist. "[Y/N]!" He nearly yelled, pulling you to a stop with him. "Hey! God damn it! Stop and talk ta me." He huffed. The world around you felt like it was moving all too quickly but not fast enough. Your chest felt tight and like there wasn't enough air in the world to supply you. Turning to face your husband you shook your head as the first sob rattled you both. "I-I" You got out just as he pulled you close. "Hey..." He whispered into your hair. "Take a deep breath... tell me what's gonin' on in that head of yers." You couldn't help it. You wailed. You made a scene. Clinging to Daryl like a lifeline you let yourself release the tense anxiety that had been drowning you ever since the day Negan took him well over a year ago. And maybe Daryl understood this because he never said a word edgewise. He never tried to move you. He simply let you do what you needed. And as your sobs died down and you were able to formulate sentences you tried your damnedest to make sense. "I- sorry." You started, only to be shushed with a gentle kiss to your temple. "It's alright, don't ever feel sorry baby. Just tell me... what's wrong."

Clutching to his shirt you pulled away looking deep into Daryl's blue eyes. "I just got you back..." You whispered, tears rolling down your cheeks. Daryl stayed silent but you could see it written on his face. That shared uncertainty. The fear of losing each other you both experienced. "I'm right here, darlin' girl." He whispered cupping your cheek gently. You nodded, reaching up to mirror him. "I know... I know and I could never be more grateful, Daryl. But..." You closed your eyes feeling the hot tears stream down your cheek only to be swiped away by his calloused thumb. "But, nothin'." He whispered back, taking your wrist in his other hand he turned his head, gently kissing the inside of your palm then your wrist. "I am right here. I'm right here with you. That's all that matters. Ya told me that when I first came home didn't ya?" You nodded staring longingly up at your husband. Daryl smiled kissing your wrist once more before pulling you closer, wrapping your arm around his neck. "Then we'll get through this... no matter what happens. Always do." You blushed, wrapping your arms around his neck as he leaned down to kiss you sweetly. "Love you, Dare..." You whispered into his mouth. Pulling away he smiled. "I love you more than anything... now lets get you tested."

Staring down at the little pink plus sign you felt yourself shaking and turning pale. Daryl held you close to his chest, his chin resting atop your head. "Mrs. Dixon." Dr. Carson prodded, frowning at the pair of you, pulling gloves over his hands. "I'd like to preform an ultrasound if that's alright? To determine how far along you are." Glancing hesitantly to Daryl, he scanned your face. "Up to you, baby. I'll be with you every step of the way no matter what you choose." He murmured, but there was a sadness to his eyes you could see. You had been strong with every child you bore. Phoenix who had been a complete surprise to you both who were both still just teenagers yourselves. Beau who you could say was planned but in reality was just as big a surprise as Phoenix. Turning to the doctor you nodded. "We can do this..." You muttered hesitantly. Dr. Carson smiled ushering you over to the exam table. "Just lift your shirt a little. We can do an internal later if you feel you need one." He said softly, plugging the machines in and getting the jelly out of the cabinet you just knew would be cold as ice. Jumping onto the side of the table you laid down, wincing away from the coldness of the metal.

"Sorry. Wish I could have a better area but..." the OBGYN sighed as he clicked a few buttons on the machine. Daryl stepped to stand beside you taking your hand he squeezed it reassuringly. Holding the wand high Dr. Carson turned the screen so that the three of you could all watch. "Ready?" He asked, not waiting for an answer as he pressed the wand against your tummy. "Sorry if it's cold." He muttered, fully focused on the screen as it came to life in a bright array of whites and greys. You whined, trying to sit as still as you could for the man as he pressed it harder into your full bladder but you couldn't help but pull away slightly. "I know it's uncomfortable..." Dr. Carson whispered, twisting the wand to the right pressing a few buttons and then to the left. "Alright... moment of truth." He said twisting it downward. You had expected to see a sea monkey or a bean like you had when you found out you were pregnant with Phoenix. Maybe even an alien looking ameba. But if you hadn't been laying down, you would have most certainly fallen to your ass when the doctor showed you both a fully formed, kicking, moving baby inside you. "What the-" You squealed. "Well..." The doctor chuckled. "You're most defiantly pregnant."

Daryl's hand slipped from your own as he stagged back, siting in the chair beside the table staring up at the screen in disbelief and shock. "H-How?!" You whined, gesturing to your flat stomach. You hadn't shown... at all. "Are you asking how you got pregnant? Because if you two need the talk after three kids I might need to put you on a makeshift birth control..." Carson joked, smirking as you glared and wound back to smack him. "No... but seriously." He chuckled, handing you a towel to wipe your stomach off with. "You're having a cryptic pregnancy." He said suddenly becoming serious. "You're lucky we caught it now, even though it's as late as it is. Most women who experience them never find out until they go into labor. Especially now it could lead to a very serious and dangerous birth for you and your baby." He said, rolling the machine away. "You could have gone into labor out on a run... or worse in the middle of escaping the walkers or whisperers.” The doctor said watching your face blanch in horror.

“That’s not to mention the other complications this type of pregnancy causes.” He muttered, tossing his gloves in the bin before grabbing a small clear model of a pregnant torso with a little extendable belly. “What normally happens is that the uterus fills with fluid and falls into place in your pelvis here under your other organs pushing the belly out.” Carson said squeezing the little devise to make the uterus enlarge and the belly grow. “You however,” he said covering the belly and pushing the uterus back in. “Have either grown too strong of abdominal muscles and it is holding your uterus inside. Or during the birth of Beau you tore some vital ligaments and it’s keeping your uterus from having the room it needs to grow. Either way, your uterus is moving all your organs up and out of place.” He pointed to the model and how the little jelly organs moved when he pushed the belly in. Carson went silent for a moment placing the model down before sighing. “There is a higher chance of stillbirth, SIDS, and even higher mother mortality with this type of pregnancy. Due to the strange placement of the uterus and chance of preexisting injury it may be harder to push or even cause the child to get stuck on the pelvis and can require a cesarean. You'll both need to consider your options carefully.” He muttered softly refusing to meet your eyes. “I’m very sorry.” Covering your face you tried not to gag or scream. “Fuck… fuck.” You whispered hot tears rolling down your face.

Guilt washed through you as your breath hitched in your throat. Daryl was by your side in a second, you could feel his calloused hand wrapping around your wrist desperate to move it away from your face. "I-I... I smoked. I drank. I was doing heavy lifting." You whispered desperately, letting your husband pry your hand away. "You didn't know." He countered but you could see the fear swirling in his eyes. Carson nodded. "We do our best with the information we have, [Y/N]." He muttered reassuringly. "Just stay away from the stuff from now on til baby comes." He said in the most cartoony doctor voice you had ever heard. "You can lift things in moderation but I want you here so I can keep an eye on you and monitor your birth... and I really don't want you walking or riding home if you can avoid it. The least amount of danger we can put you in the better. If I had to guess your only a few weeks away from having this little one." He said handing you a picture of your ultrasound. "I'll leave you two alone to talk. Just make sure to lock the door when you leave." He said softly, touching your hand.

Watching the doctor walk out of the makeshift clinic you sighed. Laying your head back on the paper like pillow you sniffled. "Do you know what this means?" You whispered to Daryl, meeting his stormy eyes. He stayed silent scanning your face for an answer. "It means we gotta get Carol to make our son cookies." You whispered a sly smile crossing your lips. Daryl chuckled a smile blooming across his own face. "Scoot over, woman." He laughed shooing you over on the exam table. Laying down beside you, Daryl draped his arm around your body holding you close. "Oh, god we're gonna have to get the nursery ready." You whispered, swiping at your tear stained face. "We are." Daryl agreed, nuzzling his head against yours. "Do we still have Beau's old crib or did we give that away?" You asked, gripping your hair. "It's in the attic." Daryl whispered. "We need new cloth diapers I think we burnt Beau's old ones..." You whined. "We did." Daryl hummed, threading his leg through your own.

You seemed to relax slightly holding the little black and white photo up. Your thumb swiped over the baby in the picture. "I wonder if it'll be a girl or a boy?" You whispered. "As long as both of my girls are healthy I don't care." He hummed. "You don't want another boy?" You asked curiously. "Nah... boys fight. Girls don't do that." He muttered curling in on you. "That's a lie and you know it." You giggled. "Phoenix has kicked boys asses before." You giggled as Daryl let out a satisfied hum. "She better always be that way too." He chuckled. You whined playfully. "Phoenix was a big baby, Daryl. Beau was an even bigger baby." You reminisced. Daryl chuckled. "Yeah, they were." He laughed until you bopped him on the back of the head with the ultrasound photo. "You gave me big ass kids Daryl!" You whined, handing him the picture. "Has ta come from yer side." He hummed, sitting up on an elbow. "Merle said I was a month and a half premature." You stared at him silently for a momet as your fingers carded through his hair. He already told you this... several times before. With Beau when you were as big as a beach ball and when Phoenix was small Merle always commented about how much bigger she was at her age than Daryl was being "unseasonable".

"Do you think we can really do this again?" You asked, turning your gaze from the picture to Daryl. Your husband shrugged. "We gotta try right?" He hummed looking up to you. You nodded, scooting closer to him. "Yeah..." You whispered letting your hand fall to your tummy for the first time. Nothing. Not a kick. Not a flutter. Not even a butterfly. It frustrated you. "You ever hear of a cryptic pregnancy before?" You asked. Daryl hummed moving his hand above yours. "No." You sighed, turning your head away. "Don't do that. This isn't your fault." Daryl whispered. "Yes it is, my body is-" You replied, closing your eyes. But Daryl cut you off. "Darlin' girl." He hummed kissing your neck. "You're perfect and I'll make damned sure everything turns out alright. Ya have my word."

Slowly. Steadily a week passed at the Hilltop. And while you still felt totally normal, you felt the heat the eyes made drilling into the back of your head. Already you were starting to go a little stir crazy inside the walls. You never liked to be confined. Dr. Carson let you stand guard up on the wall with the exception that someone stand with you and you didn’t actively put yourself in danger. Daryl left on the second day after you assured him for the umpteenth time that you weren’t about to have the baby without him. He radioed back from the Kingdom when he arrived. But before he could get a word in edge wise he was cut off by Carol. “Who told you two you could have more munchkins!” She screamed over the radio. “I’m so happy for you two!” You giggled. “Thanks Carol.” “So have you thought of any names yet?” Carol asked seemingly both of you as you heard Daryl’s struggle to get his radio back over the waves. “Not yet C. You’ll be one of the first to know when we do.”

“Do ya know what yer havin’ yet?” Maggie asked softly, walking side by side with you, later the same day. She was carrying half of the wood you would normally carry to the drying rack. You hummed, shaking your head. “Nah. Dare and I always liked it to be a surprise with Phoenix and Beau. Figured we’d keep the tradition with this literal surprise.” You giggled placing the wood down on top of the ever growing pile. “How’d ya know it ain’t twins?” Maggie teased. But the mere thought of it made you choke on your own spit and gasp for air. “Jesus, Maggie don’t put that nasty juju on me!” You wailed wiping away the spit from your chin as Maggie laughed so hard she was bent over her legs clenched to keep from peeing herself. But when your next appointment with the doctor came you couldn’t help but to crane your neck to see the monitor. “Looking for something?” Carson asked. “Making sure there’s not two in there.” You muttered to the doctor who only laughed and shook his head.

As the second week dawned Daryl spent most of his time between the Hilltop, on runs looking for baby supplies, and Alexandria. When he came back he told you all about the preparations he was making to your home. “I moved the crib down from the attic and found some diapers in Beau’s old things so we’re good there.” Daryl muttered taking a bite out of the crab apple he picked up from the ground. “We kept those? Ew.” You whispered making your husband laugh. His strong arm wrapped around you as you walked, pulling you close to him. You could feel his large hand rubbing circles on your flat tummy. “Did you remember to feed Dog before you left?” You asked absentmindedly turning your eyes to the changing colors of the leaves. “Like always.” He hummed. “Do you think he’ll be good with the baby?” You whispered, leaning down to pick up one of the leaves. “He’s always been good with Phoenix and Beau. Don’t see why that would change with this one.” Daryl lied. But you shrugged letting it slide. “Wish I could feel ‘er.” Daryl muttered, his mouth full of apple. “Me too.” You deadpanned.

Little did you know that you would both be wishing for the exact opposite in just a few hours time. It started in the middle of the night. You felt what you thought was fluttering. Maybe gas. But soon that gas became painful and you knew this feeling. Reaching behind you in bed you patted your husband awake. “Baby, I think I’m going into labor.” You whispered tiredly. You giggled feeling Daryl’s strong arms pull you closer to him, his stubble tickling your bare shoulder. “It bad yet?” He asked tiredly, his drawl stronger in the dead of the night. You knew from experience Daryl knew when to panic. That he would understand when it was go time or not. But this was early stages of labor. Simply moving his hand from your chest to your stomach to act as hot water bottle you hummed. “Nah not yet.” You felt his hot breath on your neck as he sighed. “Good. Try and get some more sleep.”

Hours passed. The ache that once felt like cramps radiated to your back uncomfortably but not overwhelmingly painful. You paced back and forth in front of the house trying to ignore the way everyone's eyes were on you. "You could be doing anything other than staring." You tried not to hiss glaring at your husband and two children. Daryl cocked a brow, leaning back on the porch stairs. "What d' ya need me to do?" He asked. Phoenix worriedly watched you from her place beside him. Beau on the other hand was all too interested in the little bug crawling on the wood of the stairs to care. If anyone had a camera and could capture a photograph, in the old world the picture would have sold for millions in the old world. "I want you to stop staring at me. Go find something better to do." You growled. Phoenix sighed patting her father on the shoulder before she stood. "Whatever you say..." She huffed. "but you both should consider getting fixed!" She screamed, kicking a metal bucket full of water over as she walked away. You wanted to yell at her. The hormones throwing a rave in your body were telling you to scream and cry. But instead you took a deep breath trying to breath through the next wave of the contraction crashing through you. Daryl stared at the ground in front of him, biting at the skin around his thumb. "She's j'st worried." Daryl murmured, instinctively wrapping his arm around Beau's waist to keep him from tumbling off the porch, reaching for the flying beetle.

Tears slipped down your cheeks when the pain slowly started to get worse. You had managed to make it back inside to your shared bedroom. Kneeling beside the bed you rocked side to side, Daryl right beside you, his hands on your sides acting as heating pads. "On a scale of one to ten where are you?" He whispered. Your low groan stopped you from answering. "Do you need me to get Carson?" He whispered, daring to kiss your collar bone. Shaking your head you let out a sob. "I-I'm not ready." You whispered. "Yes you are." Daryl whispered kissing the shell of your ear. "You have two beautiful kids and your gonna do great with this one." You sobbed again shaking your head. "W-We didn't even pick a name." You whined, groaning as another contraction ripped you in half. "We'll know when we see her. Just like we did with Phoenix and Beau. We'll know." He whispered kissing your cheek. "Now I'm going to get Carson."

You fucking hated this. You hated Carson looking at you down there. You hated that you were in an uncomfortable bed that smelled of old people and moth balls. You hated that you could hear Greggory screaming about staining the linens from outside your door and Maggie doing her best to keep him from barging in. You hated that your fucking god damn knees were being held up behind your head like a fucking pretzel by Daryl and Jesus. But overall it was the pain you hated most. With Phoenix it hurt, sure but you were drugged up for the bottom of the ninth so you didn't feel it after they kicked in. With Beau the pain was more from the ripping when he came too fast for your body to adjust. But with this one... the pain was different and overwhelming. Bearing down just as Carson instructed you pushed with all your strength. Sweat dripped down your face. You tried not to scream or moan. Carson said it was it was a waist of energy. But when it became too much for you to bare you couldn't help it. As the contraction ended you gasped, slumping against the pillows behind you. "Doin' great darlin' girl. Just keep fighting. Don't give up." Daryl breathed, rubbing your thigh, lovingly. Jesus on the other hand looked like he was about ready to be sick. "Y-Yeah..." He managed to get out. "Just... do that."

Before you could manage an answer you could feel another contraction ebbing its way up your spine. "Fuck..." You whimpered. "You're so close to crowning, [Y/N]. Just keep it up." Carson praised, reaching up to help pull you forward and help you to bare down. Holding tight to your thighs you moaned beginning to push with Carson's encouragement. "There you go! There's the head!" Carson yelled, moving his hands down. Jesus paled, turning completely towards the wall. But Daryl... Daryl moved so that he could see his baby being born. His face lit up in a way you had only seen happen two times before. With one more good push you felt it happen. At first there was silence. You were too afraid to breath. You could see Carson moving swiftly below you, grabbing towels and wet cloths. You could see him rubbing the baby's back. "C'mon." he whispered. And suddenly you had a whole new fear as the men holding your legs let them down gently. But when you watched the little baby twitch and heard the sudden inhale followed by the tiny most perfect cry you had ever heard a baby make you couldn't help but sob. Handing you the wriggling bundle Carson smiled. "It's a girl." He whispered. You sobbed, moving the little blanket from her face. "She's beautiful." You whispered watching Daryl cut her cord. "She's so tiny." Daryl replied holding out his finger to his tiniest daughter who instantly grasped it in her hand. "Lilybeth?" You whispered looking to Daryl. "Nah, don't sound right..." He hummed, caressing your daughter's cheek with his thumb. "Lilian?" He offered making you smile. "Perfect. Lilian Beth Dixon." He smiled kissing you then her head. "Now c'mon. let's get you cleaned up, momma."

[emaanwritesandwrongs]

Amateur Cocktails

2/16/23 I shut the door to my apartment in attempts to keep the sticky Texas heat out. Summer had come early. Again. How many times were we going to pretend that summer had come early, before we accepted it as a new normal? That we needed to start teaching kindergarteners that summer begins in April, and ends in, well, November? But to also tell them: really that doesn’t mean the heat is gone in the latter months, it lingers around making sudden appearances every few weeks. “Did you miss me?” The heat will cry. “Did you forget about me?” God the sun is standing uncomfortably close.  The stuffy heat reminds me of strange men’s breath on the back of my neck. Some of them loitered at my work. They’ll forget I’m just another working employee behind the bar. They’ll see right through me as if confronting me for who I really am. Until I am painfully aware of whatever femininity I ultimately blame myself for showing off. I make a mental note to dress duller next time. The men are generally harmless, I know, but when they come close it is suffocating. “Did you miss me?” “Did you forget about me?” 

I’m roused from my thoughts as I’m met with a cool burst of air. Peeling off the damp smells of the city from my body, I collapse onto the depressed dent in my couch. Now that I’m indoors and separate from the surrounding world, I can tell how much I reeked of gasoline. Walking through the city does that to you, I guess. 

A gentle buzz from my phone reminds me of you. Instead it’s another automated text message reminding me of my last chance at some sort of sale. I punch in the letters “STOP,” and lean back to remember you. I do this a lot.  There was a time where we were very close. In all ways except distance. This virtual arrangement was no issue to me. I could sporadically update you about the littlest events throughout my day. And we would spend the hours before sleep recounting our different complaints and celebrations. I’d like to say we avidly agreed on most things. But really what kept things so interesting were our arguments. You were always wrong, and so was I. And somehow both of us being wrong was the strongest trait we had in common. Our lostness tied us together as we felt we were the only two truly questioning and navigating the world around us.

Or so I thought. A little over a year passed by, and you escaped our depressive interpretation of the world and into the physical arms of someone else’s embrace. To picture you leaving your cynical world and feeling love, connectedness and comfort is disturbingly beautiful. It gives me hope, but more so it makes my stomach sink to depths I want to forget. I was right here. But I wasn’t. I was a couple thousand miles away and we both knew that. And that one time I did visit you - I didn’t feel present. And because of that things had changed. I didn’t perform well. I didn’t meet the expectations set on me. I didn’t finish. I couldn’t finish. You touched me and I had to teach my body to feel good. I had to train my brain to release dopamine in response. But with the way I pushed myself to concentrate, while you were trying to make me feel good, I was probably releasing cortisol instead.  I’m at a constant war with these slimy chemicals. The fluids that my hypothalamus decides which out of them my pituitary gland should excrete. Are any of those words even real? Biology has opened a new and daunting door of self-awareness.  I trick my body by taking a combination of estrogen and progesterone. They stabilize my dramatic mood swings, prevent painful cramps, and make sex “safe.” You know, to stop me from shooting out a child for any moment you touch me. I imagine the two hormones to be sisters. They probably dress in pinks and lavenders and skip down my glands while holding hands. They take turns braiding each others hair. They hold each other while watching scary movies. And wipe away each others tears as they share their pain. I feel their sisterhood mocking me. 

I open a private browser and damn myself to the pits of Reddit. For the same reasons every other person privately browsing Reddit is: to ask any variation of the age old question “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???” Why don’t I desire you the way I should. Why can’t I find myself to desire anyone else. Even at work the other bartenders enjoy the witty flirting back and forth. But I can’t help but feel it all to be pointless and draining. I guess I don’t have to be sexy in order to survive or anything. I don’t have to engage in sex if I don’t want to. No one is making me do or be anything really. But there’s a part of me that yearns to exercise my sex. I want to want to enjoy these feelings, I confirm to myself. And I want to to be fun, a smaller voice whispered to myself. So I swindle down the rabbit hole of different forum links and come to the self evaluated conclusion that, get this, I lack testosterone. 

Somehow those two little girls were working so hard with their fancy female hormones that I ended up feeling less of a woman than I ever have before. Like literally. All the estrogen and progesterone has shrunken my clit. Like a victim to phantom limb syndrome, it feels cold and absent where my clitoris is supposed to be, Doctor. The cure is to man up and grow some balls, he tells me.  How has my body reached this stage? Why are my hormones all wrong? How do I train my endocrine system to do things right for once? I imagine my little pituitary gland fumbling different bottles and bitters into a cocktail shaker that he stupidly lets spill everywhere. Who let this guy in charge? I grit my teeth and once again let the heat take over my mind and the cortisol wave over my body.

A strange man’s breath on my neck. I look up it’s you. I yelp and push the body away. Behind you stand two little twin girls who stare through me. They are donned in blue dresses this time. The heat, the sweltering sun. The walk back home along the expressway. The smell of testosterone in my clothes. My body opening up and freeing my glands from their suffering. You look back at me. “Is this okay?” The sisters watch me waiting on my response. They glance to the side as if to urge me: go on, tell him. “DID YOU MISS ME?” I want to ask him. Instead I wait until he is done and distracted, so I can slip a couple bills of testosterone from his wallet into my shaker. I edge out of the scene.

[blueshistorysims]

David died in the night, unable to break the fever that had consumed his poor young body. Rose was devastated, weeping by his bedside for hours. It was Peter and poor Rebecca that had to tell the weakening Edwin of his younger son’s death. It seemed to be the final blow for Edwin, whose body had fought so much for life, gave up after hearing his little boy was dead. For three painstaking nights and three pain-staking days, Rose, Peter, and Rebecca watched him wither away, and when Dr. Ingall arrived that morning, he informed them to say their final goodbyes. Mr. Walsh wouldn’t last the day.

“Edwin, my darling,” Rose whispered, brushing his ear gently. 

Weakly, her husband hummed in acknowledgment, too weak to even open his eyes.

“I’m here, Father,” Peter said gently, taking his father’s hand in his. 

“Oh, I wish we could have grown old together,” she lamented, tears in her eyes. “I would do anything to have you and David here.” She chuckled, tears spilling off her cheek. “I would even change our bedroom wallpaper and blankets—I know how much you hated the bombardment of roses.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently. “I’m your only Rose, and I shall be for the rest of your life and mine.”

“I love you, Papa,” Peter uttered, his throat closing up. “Will you te-tell David that I am still angry I have lost my favorite chess partner? And how much I miss him?”

He sighed and a strange smile fell upon his face.

Rose leaned forward and kissed his burning lips. “We shall be fine, my dear. Be at peace now.” 

And with a final shaky breath, Edwin Bernard Walsh III died.

~~~

The funeral service was small as Edwin had bequeathed in his will. Rose, Peter, Rebecca, and Mr. and Mrs. Kingsley were the only people who attended the actual service while his wake had been on a much larger scale. Rose felt relieved by the intimacy of the service. To say her final goodbyes to her husband and youngest child was a private affair she did not want many to witness. 

She hated how bright and sunny it was that summer afternoon, as if the weather did not understand her pain. Rare for England, to have a sunny day without a cloud in the sky, and a cruel thought on her husband’s and son’s funeral.

She gently placed the wreath of flowers on David's headstone and sighed, a single tear pouring down her face. “Rest well, my little one,” she uttered quietly before turning to her husband's grave. "I shall love you always. Keep well, my dear."

AN: A very depressing note to end the 1880s :( next post will be the start of the 1890s! Also yes I changed the filters again y'all I just want some reshade-esque stuff for the mac

[robyn-goodfellowe]

@howdyfriend i didn't feel likke finishing. the doodle unfortunately because i am tired and i have sososo many things to do today but here is a really quick sketch of ruby for your viewing pleasure :) i'll render her for realsies one day

ruby is a character from a story that i created for a writing contest in spring 2022 that i ultimately did not end up completing or entering due to a lack of time and confidence in both the story and my writing abilities. because this is a story that i do want to tell one day, i won't go super into the plot, but i will tell you some of the core information about my favorite character from it: ruby <3

ruby is a little girl who immigrated with her dads from cape verde to north carolina (SAD! 💔) when she was ~3 years old. she was by all means a normal child growing up! she was an absolute ray of sunshine and a huge source of joy to everyone who knew her- even as a child, she was always regarded as very charming! she knew how to wrap people around her little fingers and did it with ease. she was very in tune with her surroundings- nature and animals especially-, but her talent was always with reading others in her life. she had an affinity for befriending other kids that were normally bullied, teased, or just weren't very good at making friends, and because she was so well-liked, this friendship offered these other kids protection from bullying. the first friend she really latched onto was khalil (the protagonist of this story), but there were three others that joined her main circle of friends growing up: jordyn, and fraternal twins haadi and fatima. she was, really, the heart of a lot of things: the heart of her friendship, the heart of her family, so on and so forth. in a way, the world did revolve around her. people were always drawn to her and she knew it.

and then one day she went missing.

two weeks before school let out for summer and exactly five days after her thirteenth birthday, ruby started walking home from school and never came home. she was reported missing, but nothing ever came of it- there were no signs as to where she could've gone or anyone who could've taken her. some theorized that maybe she'd tried to take a shortcut through the woods near her home- something she was known to do often when she walked home alone (both out of a love for nature and because it was faster)- but extensive volunteer search and rescue results yielded no results. it was strange. she was there one moment and gone the next in the blink of an eye.

her disappearance absolutely tore her community apart- her fathers relationship suffered, her friend group fell apart, that sort of thing. there was nowhere to search and no one to question and ruby, beloved as she was by her community, was eventually just... accepted as gone and set aside. after all, what can you do when you've done everything you can and still yield no results? (... damn, sounds familiar...)

exactly two years later, two weeks before let out for the summer and five days after what would've been ruby's fifteenth birthday, khalil- ruby's oldest friend- walks home from school. he'd grown up in the same neighborhood as ruby did, but it never really felt like home after she'd left. her family had always been more of a family to him than his own had (his mother is a hoarder with deep, complex issues stemming from her own childhood, and while she loves him greatly she ultimately just was never meant to be a parent and it really shows) and he'd distanced himself through his own grief when he realized that ruby was gone for good. except... there she is, standing by the trail entrance to the woods so many people had meticulously combed through searching for her. wearing the same clothes, holding the same backpack, and waving brightly at him like she hasn't been missing for two years.

despite khalil's tears and ruby's confusion over said tears and seeing him (why does he look so much older?), it's a happy reunion between the two of them. its even happier when khalil practically sprints to ruby's dads' home and almost breaks down the door knocking on it. ruby's home, she's home, and everyone's happy! it's ruby! it's a miracle! most missing children never come home, but she did! she came home alive, whole and healthy... unnaturally so, it seems, because a medical examination that the local precinct insists on preforming on her reveals that she's... completely unchanged.

it's not just that she's still wearing the same clothes or carrying the same backpack (neither of which show any dna that isn't hers) from the day she went missing. it's not just that she's the same height and the same weight as she was when she was thirteen. it's not just that she's still wearing the exact same bandaid she'd put on at lunch the day she'd disappeared because she'd scraped her knee dicking around with her friends. it's not just that the food she didn't finish the day she disappeared left inside of her bag is still as fresh as it was that morning.

she's completely untouched by time. she's still thirteen, and whatever happened to her within the span of the two years she'd been missing, she claims that she doesn't remember any of it. in fact, it doesn't seem like anything happened to her at all. it's almost be tempting to pretend she'd never disappeared in the first place. ruby's fathers, her friends, khalil, they should all be thankful! not everyone gets to have their loved ones back in one piece- or at all.

after all, even if there's still a two year gap in her life where her memories should be, she's still home, and that's enough. sure, her eyes might be growing lighter by the day and there might be more sharp teeth in her mouth than any human normally has, but she's still the same old ruby everyone knows and loves.

it's just a shame there's something else underneath her skin now, too.

i think dwight and ruby would be friends because they both get to have fun body-related horrors :) but outside of that he just feels like one of those kids that ruby would be really quick to latch to and be protective of, even before she goes missing. he's a big sweetheart and ruby has a big, big soft spot for people like him. he's her friend now. they're having soft tacos later!

[aforestwitchpancakes]

Series of Core Memories

The Sounds of Fresh Youth

I cannot recall all the moments that led me to the person I am now.

But my mind is so restless that even the smallest thing or sound that are associated with my core memories can trigger a recollection that has impacted me so much in my youth, I still carry their scent and texture in my heart.

When I accidentally play my songs on shuffle, sometimes, it lands to the songs of Halsey, from her album 'Badlands'. Drive, Strange Love, Roman Holiday, Colors--- they were introduced to me by my first boyfriend during our Senior high. One day, he gave me a present of a hard drive, which contains mixes of albums by Birdy, Halsey, the complete official soundtrack of the film 'The Fault in our Stars', and movies and other songs which he thought I would like.

He was sweet and thoughtful at the time but what I am grateful about is that he introduced me to these artists because he thought I would like them and it turned out that I, do like them, very much.

They became a part of my youth--- the times that I tried very hard to impress my first boyfriend. He used to tease and mock me because my family rarely went out during the summer break while he and his family were always out, hopping from one resort to another.

Feeling bad about myself, I would invite my parents and cousins to go out so that I can later tell my boyfriend the stories of my adventures. It was depressing but it was astonishing how I would listen to Halsey alone at night in my bed and I would feel refreshingly amazing, until I felt like not giving a single fuck on any of his mockery anymore. And my series of joys came smoothly after that. Strolling out on fields, meadows, and rivers with my cousins were the adventures that I got and I cannot possibly trade them for any resort hopping.

The Food of Safety Feelings

When I am alone in our tiny apartment here in Quezon City, I tend to miss home. And by missing home, I would get knots of anxiety and sadness in the pit of my stomach and I would be helpless because nothing can save me from the decision of moving to the big city, which I made all by myself.

Moving here, I originally lived with my aunt, uncle, and cousins until the owner of the house notified us that my cousins and I needed to move and rent an apartment next door, which made me feel more a little out of place.

It seldomly rains here in the big city but one time, I was awakened by the sound of heavily pouring rain. I went outside to stare at the lone tree that is propped beside our neighbor's house, but we can see it because we are renting on the second floor of the building. Its leaves were dancing in the rain and the anger of the downpour tickled my memories back when I was a child--- an elementary schooler who loved taking days off at school due to bad weather.

Our home's area was located near the mountains and the weather there brought us abundant encounters of rainfall. In fact, when the month of June approaches, we would receive downpours of rain literally every early evening. It made me develop my love and affection to rain.

But one time, it was raining all morning that it made elementary schools to cancel the school day to protect the children. The roads were easily flooded by rain due to the lack of large canals that can catch the water. My father was home from abroad that time and my mother is an elementary teacher, so when classes were suspended, she was also given a sweet moment to rest.

I remember how my brother and I changed giddily back to our pajamas and ran to the living room to position ourselves in front of the TV. The water was knee-high outside (I was a child), and the wind was blowing hard, which made the day a perfect moment for hot food.

It was easy to make but it was simply delicious. My mother took out three packets of Lucky Me instant noodles, chicken flavored, out of her pantry and started cooking some heartwarming soup. When she was done cooking, she served my brother and I each a bowl of the steaming instant noodles, with eggs, in the living room while we were watching cartoons.

The strong savory aroma filled the room as we ate to our little hearts' content. Moments later, my father joined us in the living room after he finished checking the condition of our house outside. He and my mother also ate and watched with us while the rain was pouring.

This small memory contributed so much to how I view my family as cozy, safe, and somehow happy as I was growing up. Looking back, we rarely use our living room now as a complete family. My brother and I parted home in search for opportunities and I always try my best to spend time at home from time to time, but those moments are all part of our childhood now and all I can do is to be grateful that such things happened.

[neurospicyadhd]

Books

As a kid, I read everything I could get my hands on. Books, magazines, cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, instruction manuals. I maxed out the summer reading program points at the local library just so I could get more books to read. My family left me at home once while they went to my siblings school event because I was so engrossed in a biography of Charles Lindbergh that I didn't hear them calling me multiple times, or leaving. My punishments were often having my books taken away, or being made to do something other than read.

It was strange to me then that in my adulthood, it has been difficult to get back into reading- sometimes feeling like I have to force myself. Why? I wondered if I had become burnt out because of all the required reading in school/college. I thought maybe I just needed a break or something. I would read every now and then, but certainly not as vociferously as I once did. And when I did read, I felt guilty.

Wasn't there something more productive I could be doing? Reading caused hours to slip by, and sometimes it would make me late to appointments. Reading caused me to ignore people, or my own body (how many times was I startled to find I was starving, only to realize hours had passed unknowingly?). How many dishes were sitting unwashed, or laundry piling up, or bills going unpaid, or emails waiting unanswered, or voicemails sitting unreturned?

Not reading didn't cause me to do any of the things that needed doing, but the guilt of those undone tasks kept me from reading. I am starting to rediscover reading for joy, but it is more of a challenge than I expected. The guilt makes it hard to start a book, since I know how hard it is to stop. The misunderstandings and guilt surrounding growing up with undiagnosed ADHD has robbed me, in many ways, of the joy I found in hobbies as a child. Unlearning that guilt is a long, lonely, non-linear progression.

Be gentle with yourself, and know that your childhood joy is always waiting to welcome you home, even as an adult.

[angelkurenai]

Oh baby dear - Chris Evans x Reader

Title: Oh baby dear

Pairing: Chris Evans x Surrogate!Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: After a trip that gives the chance to Chris to take a long-overdue break from his job, he comes back home with his mind made up to change his life. And even if it weren’t for the trip itself or meeting you, even though he had no idea if he’d ever see you again, he was determined to not wait any longer. Feeling ready to become a father he starts looking for a surrogate mother, only to end up finding you of all people.

“Son of a guy. You meant it.” brown eyes were wide, and for the first couple seconds no other sound could be heard in the room. It almost felt like the words could echo in the room.

“You're really doing this.” the man's voice was filled with just as much shock as was painted all over his face. At least the woman behind him was more calm, sipping on her drink with an ease that would have been troubling, especially in such a case, if it wasn't known that she had long ago heard the news.

“I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place if I wasn't seriously considering it.” the other man in the room couldn't take his eyes off his friend, trying to gauge his reaction the second it came through. It was bound to be the most honest one, no second thoughts, and he only needed his friends' honest thoughts. Not that, and he was sure of it, the other man would intentionally tell him anything but the truth.

“You- wow.” the shocked expression was still there but there was no mistaking the smile that was slowly but surely appearing on his face “Seems like Evans is finally joining the club, who'd have thought? That's what I call one heck of a year, quickly Scarlett note the date down! It's going to go down in the history books, I tell you. Oh you're in for one hell of a ride, buddy! Wait you knew about this, didn't you?” he turned to the woman but shook his head soon enough “Never mind. You're gonna have to look for a godmother but I do get to be the godfather, right? I really need to start making preparations, nine months are not even remotely enough. I gotta-”

“Take a deep breath and calm down, Robert. That's what you gotta do. Otherwise this kid won't get to meet its one-of-a-kind godfather. And we would never want that to happen, would we?” the woman interrupted his rambling, a teasing smile on her own lips as she noticed Chris himself chuckle.

“Oh goodness forbid that could ever happen.” Chris laughed some more, his chest feeling lighter than it had in the past couple days “And besides that, there has not been a surrogate found just yet. Papers got approved only a day ago, it will take more time than that.”

“You say that as if the second every woman finds out you're on that kind of market, won't volunteer to have your baby. Heck, I know most of them would gladly volunteer to do it the old-fashioned way! You'll see, you will be getting news very soon.” Robert brushed his friend off and got up from his seat, making his way to the mini bar to grab a drink for himself “Which means, I really gotta start preparing everything because a) this is Evans' kid and b) I'm the godfather and it'll get only the best!”

Scarlett couldn't help but laugh, while Chris shook his head with a chuckle, before she added “As you can see, he is going to be more trouble than the kid.” she ignored the look that was shot at her from Robert and kept going “But, speaking of it, I never asked: Did you never really consider adoption?”

“For most of the time that's what I had in mind, yes, but-” he sighed, easing back in his seat “I asked about it and my chances were sadly very low, given my job and everything, not to mention how lengthy of a process it all was. Sebastian was actually the one to suggest it and you know I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since. Granted, it is just as hard to find a surrogate who is also willing to be the biological mother but I feel like I have more to hope for this way.”

“You have every reason to be hopeful, I'm sure this will work out just fine. Besides-” she offered her friend a warm smile “There is no other man that I can think of that could be a better father than you. This child will be very lucky.”

“...The part of Robert being the godfather excluded?” Chris added with a smirk, eyeing his friend who narrowed his eyes at him, before both Chris and Scarlett burst into laughter.

“Life isn't perfect, what can you do?” she grinned as she took a sip of her drink.

“I'll try to be the better man, as always, and not comment on any spiteful comments against me. You're just jealous I am going to be the world's best godfather. Anyway, that wasn't what I was going to comment on.” he plopped back on his seat and gave the blue-eyed man a sly smile “Sebastian you say but I'm wondering: was it him or that summer trip to Italy that really prompted you to become a dad? Maybe a certain someone you met there? What was her name...”

“Don't-” it was all he had time to get out, his eyes wide and voice very warning; but there was never any stopping the man when he wanted to speak his mind.

“Ah yes.” Robert grinned widely “(Y/n).”

“What- Who?” Scarlett frowned, tilting her head to the side “How come I haven't heard of her before? I thought you told me everything about Italy.”

“She's nobod-”

“Probably the love of his life. Something like his soulmate. One he talks about a lot in his sleep, hence why I should hold more parties and have you guys over. The info I get is golden. Anyway, think of it as the star-crossed lovers but one where he isn't the Lana Del Rey young and beautiful, you know? Heard she's something like a med or psych graduate or something. So come to think of it all, Italy, soulmates and age difference, this is like another version of Call me by your-”

“And that's it for you. Enough words spoken for one day.” Scarlett said, not hesitating a second to place a hand over the man's mouth who admittedly didn't give up even if his words were only an incoherent mumble after that.

Chris' eyes were wide and there was no mistaking the way he wanted to not talk about it, as if there was some unparalleled sadness that came with the mention of your name, a deep ache and at the same time yearning perhaps because he missed you, just like there was no mistaking the tint of pink that was on his cheeks.

“That's-” he cleared his throat, avoiding looking at his friends in the eyes because he knew how easy it would be to tell that even so many months later the feelings were fresh as much as the day he had to leave, the day he left a part of himself on the airport with you – a part he knew real well he wouldn't get back again, certainly not from any other woman he got to meet. That missing part of him, even if the rest held all the beautiful memories dearly to itself and felt truly blessed, he knew was obvious. It was all on his face that he was missing something, even if he'd gotten so much. And he knew she would see it, it all became so obvious when he thought of you.

He shook his head when he realized he had taken longer than needed to reply “It was way too long ago, I can hardly remember it now. Hell, as if barely anything happened to begin with. She was just-” a lump in his throat, too painful “I made a good friend, a really good friend yes, who helped me see my life in a different way. Helped me make my choice and see the things that really matter. Couldn't keep in contact and yes that's a bit sad but- That's all there is to it, nothing more nothing less.”

Scarlett regarded him for a couple seconds, even as he tried to keep himself busy with getting another drink, before she finally spoke “If you say so.” she nodded her head “At least we now know who we owe this to and who to thank for our family growing, don't we?”

“Then-” Robert's smile was softer, yet also sad, as he raised his glass a bit “Let's drink to that, if not your baby just yet. To (Y/n)?”

“To (Y/n).” Scarlett nodded her head “For helping you make the best decision of your life, wherever she may be now.”

Chris hesitated, the unspoken truth of you not only being the one to help him make the decision but also be part of that decision, part of the family he wanted to build, was ready to break free from his lips but he held it back “Wherever she may be.” he said in a low hoarse voice, raising his glass as well “To (Y/n).”

He had not allowed himself to say your name in a long time and thinking back to it, the effect had been evident not only in his chest, in his heartbeat, but also in his lips, how painfully strange it felt when all he had been doing was think about it for months to no end, down to his throat that closed up with emotion. And he had allowed himself to say it not only so that he would make sure his friends would drop the subject but also because it had been a long time, he felt the need to and he knew that he wouldn't get the chance to do so, not anytime soon for sure.

And yet, only seconds ago, the name had left his lips for the second time in barely a couple days.

His brain could barely keep up with the fact, all the information he had to currently process seemed to make things even harder. Saying your name this time certainly had the same effect, his throat closed up and his heart leaped to his throat, but it felt like it was for an entirely different reason. He blinked several times, trying to make sure that what he was seeing was also true, to make sure that it wasn't wishful thinking and that him holding his breath had not reduced the levels of oxygen to a point where he couldn't even see straight. Truth be told, he felt pretty lightheaded.

“(Y/n) (Y/l/n).” he repeated your name for the third time, the third time in only a couple days his mind nearly screamed at him, but it didn't feel the same this time.

“Yes, I would say she seems like one of the most, if not the most, suitable candidate for you case.” the woman behind the desk gave him a warm smile but his brain was still currently stuck on the word 'candidate'.

“I'm sorry. There seems to be some misunderstanding here and I- I don't know whose part it is on, but-” he licked his lips, trying to swallow over the lump in his throat “When you say- What you're trying to say- I'm sorry.” he shook his head and let a couple seconds to pass in silence; he knew she wouldn't ask before him.

Taking a deep breath he decided to speak, even if his voice was hoarse he hoped she could make out the words “Candidate for what?”

The woman frowned a bit but it was gone faster than it could register, as she spoke in a calm voice “Your case. To be not only the surrogate you are looking for. See, her current, and according to her permanent from now on, residence is in New York City and very close to the residence you have listed as your permanent one. It is important, you understand, if we take into consideration that she will be the biological mother of the child. You might want the child to be able to stay in touch with her, and vice versa, so the close proximity does help. Of course that is always up to you, but in most cases we've seen it hap-”

“When did she sign up for this?” he asked, barely able to keep himself to wait for her to finish her sentence.

“Pardon?” she blinked and only then he realized how he might have sounded.

“You're right. I apologize, that came out as wrong.” he cleared his throat again “What I mean is... does she know who I am? That she- she's signing up to be a surrogate for my child.”

“Every surrogate must be informed, of course, of you as you are informed of her. She too must know whose child she will carry, don't you think it's fitting? But if you are uhm-” she hesitated “Concerned about other children, then, you need not worry. It's not my place to say this but it seems like-” she smiled a bit, almost knowingly “That you have already chosen, so I believe it wouldn't really be against any rule to say this. Consider it an extra bit of information.”

'Seems like you have already chosen.' would be a vast understatement. It was like every cell in his body was screaming 'Yes', chanting it over and over again that he was seriously worried he might have projected it somehow. He could barely control the words that came out of his lips anyway. If anything, the second he had come across the file with your name he had been glued to it, his eyes and all of his attention orbiting around the single file as if he was Earth and you were his Sun. Not far from the truth either.

But it also must have shown- No scratch that. He was sure it had shown because he had done no effort to hide it, too stunned and happy and eager and giddy and blessed and so many other things, to try to hide it. And she had clearly noticed.

“So, no, she has not mothered another child. As a matter of fact, Miss (Y/l/n) is doing this for the first time.” the woman leaned back in her chair “She came to us with the belief that there was too much sadness out there and, amongst other things, she decided to do this little one thing to help someone out. To make someone happy. I believe she didn't really have any further expectations out of this, no further plans, other than wanting to do some good. We only informed her of your case and she said she'd like to help, nothing else.” she shrugged softly “For any further reasons behind her choice you could ask her, I suppose. If you do think she could be the right choice to be the mother of your child, then-”

“She is.” he said, maybe a little too fast, but he didn't care. He didn't find a single part of him that cared for how eager he looked at the prospect of you being the mother of his child. Granted, it wasn't exactly how he'd imagined it but it was so much more than he ever thought he'd get, of what he thought he deserved, when he had told you goodbye that summer.

He cleared his throat again, trying to straighten his back and look as formal as he should in the suit he was wearing. He offered her a small smile “She is the right one. I think I've decided. I-” he paused, glancing at the pile of files and therefore other candidates which he had absolutely not even taken a glimpse at and he hoped she wouldn't comment on it “I've thought things through, yes.” because no man could make such a decision so hastily, he knew, and yet he looked like he just had “I'm glad for all the candidates it means a lot but uhm Miss (Y/l/n) seems to be indeed the right one. I think she will do just fine yes.”

“Wonderful.” she smiled more, nodding her head “If it means anything, she seemed happy when she was presented with your case.” oh if only she knew just how much it really meant to him, ask his wildly-beating heart and everyone would know just how much “Now, you understand that while you seem pretty sure and confident with your choice, you will have to give it some more time, more than anything to get in touch with the surrogate herself and discuss through any specific terms you might have. We will be the ones to set a meeting. Of course there are legal issues that need to be taken care of, but you're a lawyer yourself so you probably know that better than anybody else already.”

“Y-yes uh of course, yes, legal terms. Mr Wilson will represent me on the matter of course. But you said-” he folded his hands over his lap and threaded his fingers and it was either that or let his nerves show “Meeting her? Will I get to meet her in person soon or...?”

“That, Mr Evans, is completely up to you, how ready and sure you are, how much time you need and how fast you want things to progress.” she said as if she'd had this conversation many times over and she probably had “It could be within a week, a month, or, if you have no doubts, within three days the soonest possible. So, do you need time to think over-”

“The soonest possible. I'd like-” he nodded his head, straightening his suit's jacket “I think it would be best if I could meet with her the soonest possible. She's just what I was looking for.”

[mr2swap]

brother's little sausage part 1

It is amazing that now I am stuck for life in the body of my little teenage brother Adrian, I should have thought this better, now I will never fuck a girl again!

Since I was a child I was always a very shy boy and that has screwed me all my life until now that I am an adult or rather until I was a month ago and it is not that I really believed that I had something wrong, I actually had a great advantage my huge cock and it's not to show off but it was actually quite a bit bigger than the average 9 inches to be exact.

Unlike me, my brother is quite the opposite, he is confident, he has a lot of friends and he is much more sociable, he is always talking with his friends about how many girls he has fucked, it was impossible not to hear him, the walls of our rooms are not so thick, it was always so presumed that he did not hesitate for a day to tell me how he had lost his virginity which came as a surprise to me because despite me being an adult I was still a virgin.

I could only keep quiet with a fake smile on my face while he told me how good a woman's breasts felt and how good it felt when he lost his virginity, at that moment I was more jealous than ever of my younger brother, ¿ why could I never be like this?

Would she be a virgin forever? That question did not let me sleep well for a week, it was until an online friend ... maybe my only friend told me about something that could solve my problem, he told me about a pair of necklaces, a small heirloom of his family that allowed me to 2 people if they both agreed to exchange their bodies while they were asleep, tired of hearing my same complaint every day "I would like to be more like my brother" he sent me those necklaces by express mail, he had always told me about his magical family and I wish he had never told me.

The day they arrived, I stayed home all day, it's not like I had anything to do in the summer before entering university, all my classmates had gone to discover themselves or were busy planning which university to go to, but I just had one idea in mind to convince my brother to swap his body with me.

Inside a small box were 2 necklaces that really seemed old although they were quite simple I expected something full of jewels and gold instead of a couple of circular pieces of copper with some strange letters everywhere, it was actually quite creepy if it you looked too much.

All day I was thinking about how to convince my brother to accept the body swap with me even during family dinner I found myself immersed in the exact words so as not to sound crazy. When my parents went to bed, I took the opportunity to go into my brother's room and talk to him.

I started to tell him about my friend and the necklaces that I now had and about the little problem that I had of course I did not tell him that I was still a virgin but I did tell him that I had problems flirting with girls and how only for 1 week I could experience being He and take his body and in return I would mow the lawn all year long for him.

-So I just wear this necklace while I sleep and when I wake up will we swap our bodies? And I will be you and you will be me for a week? - A small tone of sarcasm was in his voice but somehow he accepted I took the necklace from my hands and impatiently placed it on his neck -If this shit does not work yet you're going to cut the grass right? -

It was the last thing I heard before going back to my room, I put the other necklace on my neck and got into my bed really excited then closed my eyes tightly -I hope this works- after a couple of minutes I fell asleep and also my brother, during my dreams I had a strange sensation it was as if I was floating one second and the next falling and after that more strange sensations, the sound of a rap song at the side of my head made me wake up and as soon as I opened my eyes I knew something had changed.

Now I was in my brother's room, I took off the sheet as fast as I could and looked at my new shorter body, I began to touch my hands shorter, thinner and with a lighter tone on my skin, then I took the tip from my fingers to my new face that now lacked that small layer of hair that grew during the night, soft as a baby's back.

A huge smile spread across my face, I got out of bed and was as fast as I could trying not to trip over these thinner, hairless legs straight to the mirror in my brother's room and there I looked at my new face for the first time thinner and more childish, I took off the shirt that he used to sleep and began to run my fingers over my new smooth abdomen, however something caught my attention, inside my brother's tight boxers a tiny erection, slowly I lowered my clothes inside to the ground revealing the real reason why my brother had agreed to exchange his body with meHis cock was tiny even for his age it was really small 3 or maybe 4 inches I took it between my new and thin fingers even my new thumb was longer, I looked at it in the mirror and it was even more pathetic seen from another perspective how shit I had managed to fuck so many girls with this little sausage? I would soon discover the truth and how my brother had tricked me into keeping my body.

I left my brother's room as fast as I could completely naked towards my old room, I could still feel the erection of my now tiny penis swinging up and down, I tried to open the door but it was closed -Adrian !, Adrian! open the damn door and let me in! I already regretted this, I want to return to my body- I said as I knocked on the door trying to get his attention, on the other side of the door I could hear my old voice ... moaning in my room that I could never open.

-Oh! Little brother, I'm sorry we're stuck like this for a week, I don't know why the hell you have problems with the girls, with this monster between your legs, I'm going to enjoy being you as much as I can, now go back to your room and stop bothering I need to concentrate -

---------------------

If you want to read the second part of this story please consider supporting me on patreon where there are more of my bodyswap stories including the second part of this one.

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Si quieres leer la segunda parte de esta historia por favor considera apoyarme en patreon donde hay mas de mis historias de bodyswap incluida la segunda parte de esta.

[edenmemes]

assassin’s creed valhalla starters

words within ‘()’ are additional, optional choices! more maybe to be added at a later date. some n/sfw present. 

❝ you should see the other man. he got the worst of it. ❞   ❝ and who better to lead us to glory than me? ❞ ❝ i am most at home helping others. ❞       ❝ i’ve waited long enough for you, and you for me. ❞   ❝ thank you for not saying anything about my past. ❞       ❝ know that however far away, you’re always in my thoughts. ❞   ❝ when you see your god, tell them i sent you. ❞   ❝ what you make up in muscles, you’re lacking in spine. ❞   ❝ i almost envy you, to see the world through such a muddy glass and live with such petty concerns. ❞   ❝ i smell the stink of a dozen kingdoms in your beard. ❞   ❝ this feud is not yours, yet you fight it all the same. i find that strange. ❞   ❝ by the look on your face, you have lost your will to live. ❞   ❝ my arms are numb from battle. does it need any dressing?    do you think it is a serious wound? ❞   ❝ oh dear. this is not how i foresaw things. not at all! ❞   ❝ should we take this to your chamber? ❞   ❝ i want this. i want you. ❞   ❝ turn around, walk away, and you keep your insides inside. ❞   ❝ stay back! back! i will fight you! ❞   ❝ you look like reddened shit. what happened? ❞   ❝ i have always wanted to experience the world as you do. ❞   ❝ you come like a valkyrie out of a fog. but i have no dead to give you. ❞   ❝ all right, stay close and do as i do. ❞   ❝ home. or...it was home, once. now it is nothing but bone. ❞   ❝ i’ll have no qualms wiping clean your grin. ❞   ❝ just take care. such hatred can make you careless. ❞   ❝ away from your table for a day and you are already lusting for blood. ❞   ❝ if i did not know any better, i would say you are teasing me. ❞   ❝ the dream of new lands is a powerful lure. ❞   ❝ i love climbing up here. makes me feel as high as a raven. ❞   ❝ if i don’t find your horse, i will steal you a new one. ❞   ❝ i feel somewhat trapped. in this room, in this settlement, in this life. ❞   ❝ you are lost in a sea-storm of your own making. ❞   ❝ the poet in you sings once again. ❞   ❝ tonight, we will eat and drink like gods and wake in a kingdom made new. ❞   ❝ i wish i understood you better. for those i do not understand, i do not trust. (and i cannot stomach a lack of trust.) ❞ ❝ i’ve been called worse. ❞   ❝ you have nothing to fear from me. i bear you no ill will. ❞   ❝ you are a shadow of your father. weak and witless. ❞   ❝ what is this? is this...are we in hell? ❞   ❝ keep company with kings and you will soon have a crown of your own. ❞   ❝ a toothless cub may grow to be a dangerous wolf. ❞   ❝ you are far too young to speak so wise. ❞   ❝ i need clear, sound judgement. i need you. ❞   ❝ kind and courageous people live the best lives, but it can be a difficult path to keep. ❞ ❝ i want to say...i love you. and i have for some time. ❞ ❝ you smell that? the stink of jealousy. (of our budding friendship, i think). ❞   ❝ ah, while i have you, i’m reminded...i have this for you. ❞   ❝ your lies are just like you. big and bold. ❞   ❝ don’t excuse yourself. you enjoy this too much. ❞   ❝ you've come back. why are you wasting your time with me? ❞   ❝ care to sing a song? helps me pass the time. ❞   ❝ that is twice you have earned my admiration. ❞   ❝ you have only the setting sun to tell you when to stop. ❞   ❝ i want to know what you know. name your price. ❞   ❝ people like you deserve something worse than death. ❞   ❝ they called me a lout, a disgrace. they were right. ❞   ❝ i will have to get used to watching the sights of war from afar now. ❞   ❝ there’s no other way. fight or hide. it’s up to you. ❞   ❝ do not think me a coward. i am not afraid of war. ❞   ❝ friendships end. often at the point of a spear. ❞ ❝ i will make you beg as your father begged. ❞   ❝ (until that time,) it would be best to keep all discussions about...    about us to yourself. ❞ ❝ without you i would have lost my way a thousand times. ❞   ❝ you have no other friends. so tread lightly here. ❞   ❝ be it a blessing or a curse, family is always first. ❞   ❝ let’s not walk too far with that idea. i need you right where you are. ❞   ❝ you bested me. yet, i’m the one left standing. ❞   ❝ it’s a pleasure to meet you at least. ❞   ❝ you and your people here have done more for me than i could ever repay. ❞   ❝ you have my highest respect, regard, and trust. ❞   ❝ you’re not shy, are you? ❞   ❝ if we do this, you’ll earn the right to call me friend ten-thousand fold. ❞   ❝ does this have the stench of betrayal to you? ❞ ❝ today has meant so much. we rode, we fought, we drank, we laughed. (you showed me your world.) ❞       ❝ your end was written the moment you came for me. ❞   ❝ i am a sellsword. i ask what i please, and i take what i’m owed. ❞ ❝ you move and i will take your eyes. you hear me? ❞   ❝ i will leap first. on my word, you must follow. ❞   ❝ many times i wished to tell you. wished to say what was in my heart and what i desired. (but duty kept me from it.) ❞   ❝ these wounds will heal quickly. you’re lucky. ❞   ❝ anything to help you feel at home. ❞   ❝ our friendship is the best thing to come from this mess. ❞   ❝ you will be remembered for this, for years to come. ❞   ❝ i thought i had lost you. for good this time. ❞   ❝ you have shown me a great kindness. it is only fitting that i do the same. ❞   ❝ the mess you’re in...you don’t know the half of it. ❞   ❝ you have drawn a dark conclusion about me, haven’t you? (that is all well and good. i’ve drawn some about you as well.) ❞   ❝ you seem...strangely familiar. ❞   ❝ here i am, an upright man who never once learned how to bend the knee. and yet...i shall try. ❞ ❝ that’s a bread knife. do you mean to butter me? ❞   ❝ is that not something you worry over? ❞   ❝ a blind pursuit of vengeance has made you predictable. ❞   ❝ no matter where you are, or how far you travel, i will hunt you down. ❞   ❝ i came for you, looking for a friend and ally. ❞   ❝ people change.    it may be that you change with them, or you go your separate ways. ❞   ❝ i wish you whatever peace you may find in this new life you’ve found. ❞   ❝ i want your word: you will follow my orders. ❞   ❝ the day is new, and the air is bracing. are you ready for the fight ahead? ❞   ❝ er...good to meet you as well? ❞   ❝ what riches are worth so much misery, and the deaths of honorable men and women? ❞   ❝ my destiny is mine to weave. ❞   ❝ my road forward has been a muddy one. slick with blood and tears. (but we can reach its end together.) ❞   ❝ it is a wise leader who considers the needs of others. ❞   ❝ i think my mouth has gotten me in enough trouble today. ❞   ❝ at the end of all things, you will find yourself with nothing but your regrets. ❞   ❝ you saw fit to keep me guessing through your fits of madness. ❞   ❝ by all the gods, what was that? ❞   ❝ i was...restless. a quiet walk alone clears the head. ❞   ❝ when winter is past, summer will come and wind you in a flowered skirt, for you are beauty and shall not wither. ❞   ❝ ...unless you had a more interesting day planned for us? ❞   ❝ i do hope you see it now, for all you have done for me. ❞   ❝ your passion, your strength. i have never met such a burning soul. ❞   ❝ i have no guilt nor regret for what we have done, but we should be careful. ❞   ❝ i see before me a person full of passion, vigor, and a love for their people. ❞   ❝ if i wanted to hear you talk shit, i’d cut out your tongue and shove it up your ass. ❞   ❝ you! you look stronger than most of the others. ❞   ❝ your hatred for me burns bright. i could warm my balls on it. ❞   ❝ you’re quite like your arms: incredibly thick. ❞   ❝ i fought as i do, as hard as i do, to survive. (for i know what awaits us in the end. only darkness.) ❞   ❝ a shameful trick. you are your father’s child. ❞   ❝ you destroyed my life. i will take yours. ❞   ❝ you snore a little, like a wounded bear. ❞   ❝ that’s when i knew i would live and die for you. ❞   ❝ i’m going to pretend your last words were taken by the wind. ❞   ❝ i might still kill you yet, if your prattling doesn’t cease. ❞   ❝ you are weak like your father was weak. (you dance better than you fight.) ❞   ❝ have you ever seen muscles as massive as mine? ❞   ❝ i’m honored by your faith in me. and your confidence. ❞   ❝ after my missteps, i worry what you must think of me. ❞   ❝ with so much blood in the water and death in the air, i’d like to know your name and purpose. ❞ ❝ i have a good feeling about this place. ❞   ❝ you helped me reclaim what i had lost in myself. ❞       ❝ you speak of honor. where’s yours? ❞       ❝ you will throw away all reason to defend what you sworn to. ❞       ❝ you really are like a hero out of folk tales. ❞       ❝ how much would you sacrifice to be freed of fate’s shackles? (would you give your tongue, your hand, your sight?) ❞   ❝ there’s no power strong enough to do what you say. ❞       ❝ please, you must fight for me.    who knows what vile people might come to harm me? ❞   ❝ i have no need to count my kills. they number too many. ❞   ❝ i appreciate you for all of your qualities. ❞ ❝ not even the gods can change fate. ❞       ❝ i think it is time i take my leave. ❞ ❝ you really thought my life was in danger? (and you risked your own life...) ❞ ❝ the path ahead is bright, with glory at its end. ❞ ❝ it is easy to lose one's way on the road to glory. do not let false victories blind you to what is true. ❞ ❝ the act of leaving so beloved a home, there is a sadness to it. ❞       ❝ so there’s nowhere...you call home? ❞   ❝ all things end. ruins are not a warning, they are a testament. ❞   ❝ be nice to sleep in a real bed when this is over. ❞   ❝ in my sleep i dream. and in my dreams i see an end to the doom that will grip the earth once again. ❞   ❝ even when we win, we lose. ❞   ❝ i am as good with my lips, as i am with my tongue. ❞   ❝ is this your idea of a pleasant ride through the country? ❞   ❝ no whispering god brought me here. i brought myself. ❞   ❝ i would like very much to pass some time with you. ❞   ❝ ...and that’s how i got that scar. ❞   ❝ do i now haunt your dreams? ❞   ❝ it was never in their character to lead, it was always within yours. ❞   ❝ so easily wounded by words. imagine the ruin my axe would inflict on your flaccid ego. ❞   ❝ i have felt this way for some time now. i care for you. ❞   ❝ i have not felt safe since then. not really. ❞   ❝ how long have you been chasing me? seventeen winters? eighteen? ❞   ❝ you are not always to be trusted. your passions overcome you. ❞   ❝ i like you. you may help me here or step on me...and by the look of you i’d welcome either. ❞   ❝ it is good to have you in this fight. ❞   ❝ you need only know my impressive scale and flawless build. ❞   ❝ i am better than any man here. ❞   ❝ i can tell by looking at you, you are not a great warrior. (you know it too, there is no reason to deny this.) ❞   ❝ i am looking for honor, and have become lost as a result. ❞   ❝ many apologies. you are no child, simply a frail and fully-grown fool. ❞   ❝ i was stupid, selfish, reckless, blind, boneheaded, and i smell like blood and shit. ❞ ❝ anything to say for the mess you led us to? ❞   ❝ how was your...first kill? ❞   ❝ you squirm like that and my axe will miss your neck! unpleasant for both of us. ❞   ❝ i know you would defy me to the death, fighting for a glorious end.     that i will not allow. ❞   ❝ most men choose to be loud or stupid. impressive, that you managed both. ❞   ❝ you are a great warrior. conquerer of this land and that of your birth. ❞   ❝ you’re chasing shadows like a madman howling at the moon! ❞   ❝ quite a hit you took. how many were lost? ❞   ❝ well fought! even if your wits were somewhat rattled. ❞   ❝ we suffered no losses in this fight, and the men who humiliated us are dead. what is there to say? ❞   ❝ i would like to be close to you. ❞   ❝ if you are a warrior with honor running like sunlight in your veins, then you may help me fulfill my destiny. ❞ ❝ you are a long way from any warm hearth, warrior. Is this where you call home? ❞ ❝ am i to go the rest of my days without love or attention? i think not. ❞   ❝ the gods favor you. they always have. ❞   ❝ the others, they are like clubs. blunt and ungainly, you are nimble, like a knife. ❞   ❝ people with eyes that gleam like yours are always up to something more. ❞   ❝ only a fool stays awake all night worrying. you are tired when you get up, and the problem is still not solved. ❞   ❝ i liked you from the first. i saw something in you that captivated me. (as if a forgotten memory of an old friendship had suddenly resurfaced.) ❞   ❝ you've done nothing but give me your blind word! ❞   ❝ did you bring me any treasure? ❞ ❝ the woodsmoke from your firepit does sting the eyes. but the warmth is welcome. ❞ ❝ it is not something i can speak on. or wish to. ❞ ❝ i'm with you. only say the word. ❞ ❝ until we cut off this serpent's head, it will poison us, day by day, drop by drop. ❞ ❝ get some rest and return here at first light. ❞ ❝ i missed having you at my side. how i wished i could have taken you along on my travels. ❞ ❝ i do not like this, but i will not stop you. ❞ ❝ i have waited too many years for this day. when ___ stands before us, give me the final blow. ❞ ❝ why do you carry such a useless burden? let it go. ❞ ❝ i have waited years for this, but i will not risk losing it through rashness. ❞ ❝ i cannot fathom your game. you are either a young fool...or deceptively wise. ❞ ❝ your confidence blinds you to so much in plain sight. ❞   ❝ it’s good to be here, with you and your people. (i feel my life has found a new road.) ❞   ❝ there has always been war, even among the gods. ❞       ❝ my honor has been stained. until it's wiped clean, i want nothing else. ❞ ❝ i lack the patience for pole fishing. i would have better luck with my bow. ❞   ❝ if we tell all our stories, we’ll be here for a week. ❞ ❝ can you teach me the art of archery? ❞   ❝ bury the past. build the future. ❞       ❝ i missed you. your clear head and your courage. (we have not had enough of both in recent months.)   ❞   ❝ i have a good feeling this war is near its end. ❞ ❝ explain in plain words why you have willfully disobeyed my commands. (do you mock me?) ❞   ❝ the gods favor you. they always have. ❞   ❝ my love for you rises tall and strong, like the tree of life. ❞   ❝ the prize is some of my time. (a walk in nature, maybe more if that is where our conversation takes us.) ❞ ❝ together, we are unstoppable. ❞ ❝ it is natural to fear change. to resist it. (but all things change, and all things end.) ❞ ❝ you said nothing of this to me, not a word. ❞ ❝ so long as men and women fight to secure honor and freedom, their allegiance hardly matters to me. ❞ ❝ i care for you. i do not know how to say it any other way. ❞   ❝ love can burn brighter near death. ❞ ❝ i knew this would be difficult, but sometimes the weight bears down heavily. ❞ ❝ you are young and still foolish, so i will spare you your life. (but cross me again or harm anyone i cherish, and you will join your friends in hell.)   ❞ ❝ if you are as brave as you appear, you will come. ❞ ❝ this is not a natural quiet. it's as if a curse has befallen this place. ❞ ❝ there was a curse here long before i came along. ❞ ❝ we’ll forge a warrior from your softness, hammered on the anvil of war. ❞ ❝ you are different than the kind my flights of fancy attract. burdened, decorated and…delicate. ❞ ❝ i do not know what else to say. m-my memories are faint, hazy. ❞ ❝ how are you doing? you survived a serious blow. ❞   ❝ we’ll weave our sagas together, thread upon thread. ❞ ❝ i try to use my knowledge to help others. i am only a threat to those who fear the unknown. ❞   ❝ slap some moss on that gash and wrap it well. ❞   ❝ a knife to the back is a wound that never heals. ❞       ❝ with me you have wisdom! glory! power! what more do you need? ❞       ❝ if your hell is real, i’m glad you’ll get to see it. ❞   ❝ to fight beside such legends is an honor. (i've only heard tales of your conquests. now i get to live them.) ❞   ❝ i have tried to live well. it is enough that the gods know that. ❞ ❝ a cloud hangs over you. is something wrong? ❞   ❝ you have plunged my city into chaos. ❞   ❝ my sword is gore-greedy. i am ready to fight. ❞   ❝ accept your fate and die a coward, here before your people... and i will spare the rest. ❞   ❝ you would take the rescue for yourself, so the victory song is written about you? ❞   ❝ kneel, and i will spare your life. ❞   ❝ it has been some time. what brings you so far to see me? ❞

[zacharybosch]

Tasseomancy - chapter 2

🧁 in which ed and stede successfully treat themselves 🧁

chapter 1: tumblr / ao3

read chapter 2 of Tasseomancy below or on ao3!

They met again at the same time the following week. With nothing to do all day except wait for the time to pass, and feeling unsettled with some weird fizzy energy that he didn’t really understand, Ed had ended up arriving at Jackie’s way earlier than he needed to. He scuffed his feet around outside for a while, strangely reluctant to go in. It had been easy last time when he found Stede in the café, a little safe harbour in a confusing sea of aeropress and oolong. What if— what if he went in this time and picked something shit and they could tell that he didn’t know what he was doing? Or he said one of the weird drink names wrong and they laughed at him?

He could just get a black coffee. No funny milk or Italian names like fuckaccino or whatever. Coffee was easy, classic, everyone approved of coffee. But that tea he had last time was so much nicer than any shitty coffee he’d ever had in his life… What was it called again? It was a colour and a name or title or something. It wasn’t the Earl Grey that Stede was originally going to have. Earl black? No. Earl r— gr— br— blue! Okay, it was definitely blue. And what else? Maybe not earl. Blue man. Blue man man. Blue duke? No, come to think of it, it wasn’t a male name at all, was it? Blue queen? Fucking hell, maybe he should just get the cof— Blue Lady! Fucking Blue Lady tea, amazing, that was the one, Ed could walk into the café and order a Blue Lady tea and make everyone believe he knew what the fuck he was doing.

He ended up ordering a tea for Stede as well, and pastries too, since Stede had mentioned pastries last week. And then he also got muffins and some little fruit tart things, because they looked so cute and there were only a few left in the display case anyway so he might as well, right? It felt faintly ridiculous to be so charmed and excited by something as simple as buying tea and cakes, but he hadn’t been lying when he told Stede that he’d never had time for this kind of thing before. For Ed, buying food had always been greasy kebabs at one in the morning, cardboard-tasting lukewarm fast food between jobs, or handfuls of sticky sweets that were leftover at the end of another sweltering summer day working food carts on the beach. Hydration was cheap energy drinks, and bitter black coffee that tasted like pure shit.

Eating well, in a way that nourished and excited him rather than just begrudgingly enabled his continued existence, was one thing that Ed really and sincerely wanted to be better at. But food was— difficult. Or rather, food was confusing and complicated and there was so much to learn, and how embarrassing was it to be a whole grown adult who could only name about four vegetables and only remembered to eat roughly eight hours after waking up? Food had always been a necessary evil and nothing more; as a child, meal times were endured fearfully, because the longer he was around his dad the more likely it was that something would set him off. As an adult, eating was just a waste of time that could have been better spent working.

Food had never been a treat, but he was determined to make it one now.

The barista packed everything up in a paper bag and handed it over along with the cups, and then Ed went back outside to wait for Stede. Too late he realised that he probably shouldn’t have bought the drinks just yet and they would be cold by the time Stede arrived, and just as he was about to head back inside the café to ask for a tea towel or something to wrap around the cups to keep them warm, he saw Stede crossing the street and coming up towards him.

“Hi, Ed!” Stede called out with a cheerful wave.

“Just rolled outta bed,” he shot back. “How’s it going man, you good? I got us drinks already, more of that yummy tea, and some other stuff that was just getting lonely on the counter by itself. Cakey things.”

“Oh no, am I late? Sorry, I tried to leave work as early as I could—”

“Nah it’s all good, I just got here super early so I figured I’d sort us out.” It also felt really fucking nice to just be able to spend money and not think about it, especially when it was for someone else and he knew they’d love it and then they’d see how good Ed was, but admitting that felt a bit too personal.

The most endearing smile that Ed had ever seen bloomed across Stede’s face. “That’s very thoughtful of you Ed, thank you. I hope you’ll let me pay next time?”

“Yeah, totally,” he lied. Ed had already decided that if having his tea and cake paid for made Stede smile like that, then there was no way he was ever going to let Stede pay. And besides, Ed could fucking afford it and Stede couldn’t. “So what do we do now? How do we know when we’ve successfully treated ourselves?”

Stede took his cup from Ed, and they began a leisurely walk down to the seafront again. He made a thoughtful noise as he sipped his tea, and then said, “Well, I suppose we’ll know when we feel a nice little spark of contentment, joy, warmth… something like that. When we stop thinking about something bad that might’ve happened recently.”

“And how many times do we have to do it?” Ed asked, thinking about several unpleasant memories he’d very much like to erase with treats. “How many cups of tea does it take to get rid of bad thoughts?”

Stede gave him a funny look. “One has to be very careful not to fall into the trap of using treats as a replacement for therapy and self-reflection. Believe me, I speak from extensive experience.”

That was certainly interesting. Stede definitely didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would ever need therapy. “Is that why you’re counting the pennies now?” Ed asked. “Tried to spend all your bad thoughts away?”

Stede sighed, and looked a little forlornly at the cup in his hand. “Not exactly, no. It’s… well, it’s a long and probably quite boring story. I used to be wealthy, very wealthy, though I never did a thing to earn it. I was a name and a legacy, and was living the life that went along with that. It wasn’t my life though, and yes, I did try to make it easier to endure by spending… a lot… but when you feel like your very existence is out of place, there’s no amount of artisanal marmalade and silk scarves that can really make it any better.”

He paused then and looked hesitantly at Ed, lips pursed to say more but apparently unsure about whether it was okay to carry on. Ed got the distinct impression that Stede really wasn’t used to talking about himself this much, but he was intensely curious about Stede’s whole deal and so gave him an encouraging nod.

A ripple of relief crossed Stede’s face, there and gone again, and then he carried on: “All credit to my dear ex-wife Mary, she helped me to finally realise some fundamental truths about myself, and so when we got divorced I gave everything to her. The money, the land, the businesses, it’s all hers now. I just hope it went some small way to making up for the years of her life that I wasted.”

“Ex-wife, huh?” Ed said, trying his very best to sound completely neutral and not at all disappointed. They’d reached the promenade, and made their way down onto the beach proper, feet crunching over the pebbles. “I kinda just assumed you were gay, y’know, because of the whole…” he gestured vaguely at Stede and his outfit. No straight man wore that much gold trim.

“Oh I am, but it seems I was the very last person on Earth to figure that one out. I thought coming out to Mary would be the hardest thing I ever had to do, but she was so…” Stede’s mouth was starting to look dangerously downturned. Shit. Ed hadn’t meant to make the man cry. “I don’t deserve her kindness, I never have done. I wasn’t a good husband or a good father to our children.”

Ed knew a thing or two about bad husbands, bad fathers, and he also knew the difference between those who were genuinely bad and those who were just in the wrong job. “Hey, no, come on man. That’s not fair on you. You were struggling, I bet you did your best.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, Ed, but no. I shirked my responsibilities and hid away from all the difficult truths I couldn’t bear to face. I was a coward and my family suffered for it.”

What could Ed even say to that? He’d spent the last week thinking that Stede was a happy-go-lucky, glass-half-full kind of guy. Had the whole world sussed out and was just happy to be here and living in it… but he clearly wasn’t doing as well as Ed thought if this was how he viewed himself. He’d gone on and on about how important it was to treat yourself nicely last week, but apparently that advice applied to everyone except Stede himself. Ed might need a few pointers in learning how to be a man of means and leisure, but Stede definitely needed lessons in basic self-worth.

“I think we need to eat these muffins,” Ed said, stopping abruptly and plonking himself down on the pebbles, “before you slide any further down that shame spiral. You’re a cool guy Stede, don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I suppose,” Stede sighed, carefully arranging himself next to Ed and accepting the slightly squashed muffin that was handed to him. A few seagulls walked over and started eyeing them menacingly, no doubt plotting to grab a beakful of food. Ed chucked a handful of pebbles in their general direction and they flew off, squawking indignantly.

It was a little cooler on the beach than it had been the previous week, and the sunset was broken up by swells of pink and grey clouds. The waves crashed against the shoreline a little more forcefully, and the air felt thick and heavy. Ed’s hair was whipped around by the breeze, and it occurred to him suddenly that in all his years spent working on the coast, he’d never once come to the beach for pleasure. And what a waste that was; even now, perched on the brink of some rather questionable weather, it was a lovely place to be.

He could probably stand to make a few nice memories here. Overwrite some of the old ones.

Ed leaned back on his elbows, wiping muffin crumbs out of his moustache as he looked up at the sky. “Storm tonight, I reckon. Rain’ll probably come in soon.”

“Oh no, really?” Stede said, dismayed. “I don’t have my umbrella with me. I hope it won’t be too heavy a downpour, this bag isn’t suitable for the rain at all.”

“Where did you get that?” Ed asked, looking at Stede’s intriguing little tote bag. It was colourful and frilly and ridiculous and he’d never seen anything like it before.

“Oh, well, I made it actually,” Stede said, looking a little bashful. “From scratch.”

Ed grabbed the bag and peered at it more closely, running his fingers carefully over the fabric. Was that silk? It felt like silk. “No fuckin’ way man, that’s so cool. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this earlier. Is that what you do for your job? Design bags and stuff?”

“Ah, not really. I’d love to, one day. I do alterations and mending at a launderette and dry cleaning shop. I’m— not very good, if I’m being honest with you. They give me the simple stuff, but anything more complex than replacing a button or turning up a hem goes to John or Frenchie. They own the place.” Stede turned to look at Ed still fondling the bag, and smiled. “It’s not much, but I really enjoy it. I’m so much happier doing this than I ever was in board meetings and executive offices.”

“Can you make a bag for me?” Ed asked, wide-eyed, holding the bag up by its silky ribbon straps and twirling it back and forth.

“Um, my skills really aren’t up to that kind of standard yet. I had a lot of help with this one.”

“Okay, well, when you open your own fancy bag shop I’m gonna be first in line to buy one. That’ll be a really good treat for myself. Bonnet’s Bag Boutique. Can’t wait.”

“I think it’ll be a while before that happens. If you want to treat yourself with a nice new bag, though, I could take you to that luxury department store in town. They have a lot of fancy bags in there. I used to go there a lot, before, and I still have my membership card so—”

Ed’s face shuttered almost immediately. “Yeah, I uh, did already try going in there actually, couple weeks ago. Doorman wouldn’t let me through. Said the stuff in there wasn’t for me.”

Stede looked absolutely appalled. “Edward, I’m so sorry. Forget I ever suggested it. Let’s— I’m sure there are plenty of other better places we could go. I’ll find somewhere.”

Ed had never felt smaller in his life than when that doorman had turned him away. He’d known from a young age that a store like that wasn’t intended for people like him; as a young kid he’d drag his feet past the lavish window displays, desperately curious to know what else was inside the building but never wanting to admit it. In his innocent child’s brain, before he’d been taught some very hard lessons about the world and his place in it, he thought if he just worked hard enough, he’d be able to become the kind of person that the store was intended for.

Even as a world-weary and pessimistic adult, Ed had kept this thought tucked secretly in the back of his mind, hidden guiltily under layers of jadedness and cynicism. But the doorman had disabused him of the notion with one brutal remark and it was heartbreaking and humiliating, all the more so because the doorman had been about half his age and clearly took great pleasure in barring his way. Ed could still hear that smarmy fucking voice in the back of his head, recommending a shop across town that was more his level. Ed could probably afford to buy the deed to the whole damn building if he wanted to, but this guy had just looked at him and seen trash.

“No, fuck that guy. I want to go back there. There was a— a cool belt I saw online and that’s why I went there in the first place. I deserve to go buy that fuckin’ belt. And they can’t turn me away if I’m with you, right?”

“If they try, I will burn the place down,” Stede said, and the look in his eyes told Ed that he was being completely serious. How had it only been a week, and yet Stede was already vowing to commit crimes to defend Ed’s honour and dignity? And how was Ed utterly willing to let him? He’d been told many times in the past that he’d bend over for anyone if they showed him even the slightest crumb of affection, but he’d never really believed it until he looked at Stede, at the hard set of his jaw and the angry frown on his brow, and felt himself leaning in, just a little.

A fat, heavy drop of rain landed on Stede’s cheek, and he yelped. “Oh— shit! There’s the rain,” he said, putting a protective hand over his bag. “Should we find some cover?”

Ed would’ve been perfectly content to sit out in the rain and get a good drenching. There was nothing like a storm at the cusp of summer and autumn to invigorate you and get the blood pumping. But he could see Stede glancing anxiously between his bag and the ominously rolling clouds, so they grabbed the remainder of their food and jogged over to the awning of a beachfront gift shop.

And not a moment too soon, as within two seconds of getting under the awning, the heavens opened and the rain came pummelling down. Seagulls cried out and scattered, food cart operators started frantically packing up shop, and Ed and Stede looked at each other and laughed.

The rain smelled amazing, that fresh, hot smell that only came after days of warm and sticky weather. Ed closed his eyes and filled his lungs with a few deep breaths, sticking his hands out from under the awning to get splashed.

“Feels good, man,” he said with a smile. “I always liked the rain. ‘Specially after a summer like the one we’ve just had, fuckin’ sweaty and nasty every day.”

“I like to listen to it at night,” Stede said. “The bed is built into the bay window in my flat, so even if it’s soft and light I still hear the rain pattering against the glass. And when I open the windows I can hear the ocean. I love falling asleep like that.”

“That sounds— really nice. I should do that. Um, in my own bed. Obviously.” That fizzy feeling from earlier in the day was back again, so Ed quickly changed the subject. “Whereabouts do you live, anyway? The rain never stays this heavy for long, I think it’s already letting up a bit. You might be able to make a run for it if it’s not far.”

“I’m in the flats above the old shopping arcade, you know the art deco one? About fifteen minutes on foot, give or take. The building’s quite shabby now and you can hear it every time a neighbour so much as sneezes, but it still has most of its original signage and balustrades from the twenties, so I find it quite charming.” Stede looked down at his bag and started trying to shove it underneath his blazer. “I think I can make it.”

Before he could really think too hard about what he was doing or why he was doing it, Ed pulled his own ratty leather jacket off his shoulders and draped it over the bag in Stede’s arms. “More waterproof,” he said. “I’ll walk with you.”

“Won’t you get cold?”

“Nah, I run pretty hot. And the rain’s refreshing.”

The fifteen minute walk ended up taking thirty, as Stede kept on stopping to point out pretty little things in shop windows, and they also had to shelter from another particularly violent downpour. They ate soggy pastries in a shop doorway while they waited for it to pass, and Ed secretly hoped that it would just rain and rain all night long, so he’d have an excuse to stand next to Stede in this little doorway and let his mind (and maybe his hands, who knew) wander to some very silly places.

As they stood there, pressed up against each other, Ed had the absurd thought that maybe he was living in a romcom. For the vast majority of his life, he’d felt as though he was in one of those gritty and depressing movies that had a statement to make about society or capitalism or the inherently ugly nature of humanity or whatever — which, fair enough, his life had been pretty fucking shit, but his life was also so much more than just the bad parts. He didn’t belong in that movie, he’d been dropped into it by mistake and assumed the role because that’s all that was available for him, but the costume never fit. He played the part, rolled with all life’s punches and threw plenty of his own in turn, but it wasn’t him.

He fit here, in this romcom doorway, watching the rain with this endearing, earnest man next to him, feeling prickly in his fingers and bubbly in his chest.

Eventually they arrived at the entrance to Stede’s building, nestled between two shopfronts in the middle of the arcade. Stede dawdled, talking about this and that, absent-mindedly playing with the sleeve of Ed’s jacket where it was still draped over his bag. Ed nodded and smiled and looked at the damp ends of Stede’s hair curling over his forehead. His lungs were full of petrichor air and his tongue heavy under the weight of a hundred what-ifs.

“...well, anyway, I suppose I really should let you get on your way. Sorry the rain ruined the evening a bit.”

“It wasn’t ruined,” was all Ed said, reaching to take his jacket back. Stede was still holding on to the sleeve, and for a brief moment the leather was taught between them, and they just looked at each other for one breath, two, three. Then Stede let go, and the jacket flopped back against Ed’s body, and he slipped it on over his shoulders. “G’night Stede,” he said, softly. “See you soon.”

“See you, Edward.”

Stede disappeared behind the door, and Ed stepped out from under the cover of the arcade. Just then, the rain began yet again in earnest, and Ed stopped to let it wash over him. What the fuck was going on? Stede was such a weird little guy, with his outlandish homemade bag and his fervent promises of arson, and Ed was going absolutely googly over him. He was quick to fall in lust, sure, but this didn’t feel like that at all. Had he cracked? Did he finally have time now to have a mid-life crisis?

He was just about to start walking off when he heard the creak of a window opening and then a yell of, “Hey! Ed!”

He turned and looked up, shielding his eyes from the rain with his hands, and there was Stede hanging out of a window on the top floor of the building. “What the fuck are you doing, man?” Ed called back, and then immediately dodged as an umbrella came flying towards him, pointy end first.

“For your journey home! So you don’t get wet!”

Ed was already soaked to the bone, but he picked the umbrella up anyway and grinned. “You’re a fuckin’ lunatic, Stede!”

[losingitinjersey]

Ever spend the last 12 days intending to blog every day and then never finding the time to do so?  Yup, that’s where I’ve been at.  Straight up in survival mode over here.  

My MIL left on Monday and while my days since have been spent constantly putting out fires managing two crying children (often at the same time), I’m oh so flipping happy to be on my own again :) I understand that it’s important for family to come and visit and get to know their grandchildren. While I’m happy we all had that time together I’m glad to now have the time to figure out life as a family of four without an extra person in the house.  

Kevin started a new rotation that has him gone six days a week from 4 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. (or later) so all he has time to do is come home and sleep.  Poor guy :( I went from having both him and either my mom or MIL home all the time to now doing everything alone.  It’s a lot but I’m surviving!  

Here’s a rundown of some of the highlights from the last 12 days. 

Aug passed her hearing test!  Woooo!

Thanks to the MIL here, Kevin and I were able to go (BY OURSELVES) out to dinner, out to brunch, on several walks, and two grocery shopping dates!  Such a dreeaaammm!

My MIL strongly dislikes/is scared of my cat, Saki.  As such, on one of the days I was gone at appointments with Aug for six hours she didn’t let him downstairs.  Due to this he pooped in my bedroom on the carpet :(  To my MIL’s credit, she thought he had a litterbox upstairs, but no.  That’s why I’m always letting him down and opening up the bathroom with the litterbox in it for him all the time.  Pay attention, woman. 

While we’re on the MIL rant, I’ll keep going with two more stories. 

I’ve put Erp to sleep every night of her life except for when I was at the hospital delivering Aug.  We have a bedtime routine that I look forward to every day and one that I find to be an intimate experience that only we share.  One night that I’m putting her down, I come out to find the kitchen and dining room still a mess with Kevin and his mom sitting on the couch (she has Aug in her arms so she gets a pass).  But I’m frustrated and start to clean.  At one point I look up to ask if MIL can turn on the monitor (that I know was turned off before I went in to start bedtime) and I see she’s looking at it watching Erp.  I ask her if that means she watched us while we were in there.  She replied that she had.  I reply, “Great.” Drop what I’m washing in the sink and run upstairs slamming the door shut behind me.  I go to pump and cool off.  I come downstairs 40 minutes later to tell her I overreacted but also that I felt she had invaded our privacy.  She tells me, through tears, that it reminded her of her time with Kevin when he was a baby.  I get it, but still.  Kevin said had he known she was watching he would have told her to stop since I made it VERY clear to him early on in Erp’s life that I don’t like being watched on the monitor when I’m in there with her.  I guess I should have told her about my preference in advance but I never thought I’d need to spell it out like that.  

For the last week she was here, she had Chicago Med on the TV constantly, at relatively loud volume.  Please note that we never ever ever have the TV on at our house unless we’re actively watching something, and if that happens it’s 99% of the time just me watching and I do it for an hour at night when everyone is asleep.  If we need background noise, music is playing.  She would just sit on the couch and watch her show talking about gunshots, premature birth, and whatever kind of medical drama while my kids are running around.  I’m sorry, but I thought you were here to connect with your grandkids?  So while she sat on the couch, I would engage and play with Erp for hours.  Cool cool cool.  

Please note that despite all this she’s a lovely woman and a great grandmother and mother and MIL.  I came into her visit already dreading more company, and I’m sure I’m still surging with hormones from the pregnancy (right? or am I just this way always now?).  All this to say that I was not begging her to stay and getting used to taking care of both kids on my own wasn’t that hard since I’d basically been doing it during her entire visit. 

Okay, let’s take a breather and talk about other things. 

Do you remember the 21st night of September? I DO because my 6 week old slept 12 straight hours! GLORIOUS. 

After finishing listening to Billy Summers (loved it!) I decided to undertake Stephen King’s hefty novel, The Stand.  I’d been scared to attempt it ever since I read 100 pages of it in 9th grade before deciding to pick it up again later.  I guess 23 years later did the trick because I’m thoroughly enjoying it!  I’ve learned that audiobooks are the only way I can get through any material lately.  It makes me want to go out on walks and take drives so I can listen to MoAr!  I’m already 10 hours into the 48 hour novel.  Although, I gotta say, it certainly feels strange to read about a deadly pandemic (written in 1978) during this current pandemic.  

After two months since I initially contacted the nearby school/daycare, I finally followed up to get Erp on a waitlist.  There are six kids ahead of her.   We took a tour on Friday and I want her to get in so so badly, hopefully before we move in June!  It would be such a great place for her to socialize and learn!

If any of the above isn’t telling, my hormones are all over the place. I know this because my face has decided to rage in all the redness and acne. So fun! 

Thanks to getting my house back, I’ve been able to establish a routine for us which includes going on stroller walks every day with the girls!  We’ve already made it over 37 miles this month!  Loving the outside time and knowing I’m working hard at my weight loss efforts.  

Despite being on maternity leave, this past Friday I was invited to participate in an EA (virtual) offsite with my team at work!  It was great to be able to see everyone again!  At the end we participated in a cooking class where they mailed me a box of all the ingredients to cook a NY Strip Steak and Corn Succotash! Deeeelicious! 

Given Erp’s increasing interest and ability at walking, I attempted a walk with her the other day, sans stroller!  I wore Aug in a wrap on my chest and held Erp’s hand as we walked around the neighborhood. We walked a good 1/4 of a mile!  Everything was fine until we made it back to our walkway and she refused to climb up the step to head back inside.  Like, laid flat on the ground refusal.  Since Aug was on me I couldn’t really just grab Erp and muscle her back inside.  She wouldn’t listen to any request of mine to go inside so we had a power struggle of what felt like 15 minutes but I’m sure was closer to 5.  She would try to crawl around my feet (into the bushes even to get around me), and any time I tried to lift her up she’d pull herself to the ground crying.  Eventually I tucked Aug’s flopping head into the fabric of the wrap so I could lean down and grab my tantruming child and carry her inside.  I want to be able to keep up with these excursions but not sure how to do so if she continues to rebel like this.  Like, if she did this farther from home we’d be up a creek.  Hopefully she’ll improve in time? 

OKAY! Hopefully we can now get back to our regularly scheduled blogging so a massive update like this won’t be necessary again :)  Thanks for taking time out of your day to catch up with me!

[kuekyuuq]

What happened to Lena’s mother?

Here we go, me dissecting a fictional show again, to try and find meaning while its sixth season is on summer break, and because apparently everything may or may not be relevant again. So let’s cut to the chase:

What we've been told:

"We were visiting family she said. Somewhere by the water, a lake I think. It was... It was so green. It wasn't a very bright day, it was overcast, but my mom said that's where the magic was. It was the rain that made the green. So of course, she went swimming. She didn't come back. [...] I was with her on the shore, when she went in, and when she went under and I did nothing." 

[Lena Luthor - 4x07]

I don’t know about you all, but... this whole description always felt strange to me, like there was more going on than Lena’s mother just going for a swim while it was overcast and raining, the loving and devoted mother she’s described as leaving her little girl on the shore alone. In a show like Supergirl and with Lena’s mother’s fairy-tale connection, I find it hard to imagine that the woman just had a leg cramp and drowned... Not to undermine the tragic of it all. For any child a mother’s death and the sub-sequential uprooting would equal to, like, all of a sudden losing one’s whole world, only to be flown to what is essentially a whole new and entirely different world and to be put with a family of strangers...  Is it just me who sees the parallel here? ...where was I? Right. So let me dissect the wording and add my two cents:

Visiting family, huh?

Lena seems to have no other family but the Luthors, with Lionel being her ever absent bio-dad (until he died) and Lex being her half-brother.

Lena's mom said they’d visit family, went into a lake and [presumably] died.

So, was her mother suicidal? Went to 'join' her non-alive family?

If Lena's mother wasn't suicidal, but indeed referring to their family, then... who could she have been referring to?

The visiting part also may or may not imply something non-permanent.

I honestly don’t believe in the “suicidal” approach, as even Lex noted how sunny and light the woman was. She’s described as happy and carefree...

Lena (who according to Lex's journals was capable of remembering people and events from before she was 4 years old accurately) only remembers it was by the water, guesses it was a lake. Something about the location (or something at the location) stuck with Lena as "lake-like".

It was overcast and raining. (Young-)Lena concluded that was what made everything look green. I mean, we assume this happened in Ireland, so green should have been somewhat normal for her? Yet, this stood out to her... 

So... magic? 

Lena's mother was into that fairy-tale / folklore book, y'know, the one Lena used to find the Medallion of Acrata, that Andrea snagged (and which we seemingly will see a lot more of in s06). 

The medallion being real is a rather good indicator that whatever 'magic' is described in that book is at least to some degree rooted in (the show's) reality.

[Aside from “The Adventure of Acrata”, the set-designers inserted “Hans in Luck”, “The Fox's Brush” and “The Grateful Beasts” (Brothers Grimm) to the book’s pages. Oookay.]

Green, so green.

Most obvious thought would be Kryptonite. But I cannot find any reference of green Kryptonite doing something that could remotely fit the scene described. I was sorta hoping, maybe the rain tainting everything green could be a meteor shower, but this event happened in 1997. Kal's pod (and the accompanying Kryptonite shower) fell to Earth around 1979. Couldn't have been some greenK following in the wake of Kara's pod either, because that didn't arrive on Earth until 2003.

Also also, Lena's mother apparently knew where to go in advance. This leads me to believe it may have been a "natural" occurrence.

What else is green?

Well, the Arrowverse’s Temporal Vortex for one.

Or the sky (light) at the Dawn of Time.

Am I really alone in the belief, that maybe, just maybe, Lena’s mother searched and found a “magical” place that happened to be some sort of portal?  ...to “visit family”? Maybe? Possibly had intended to take Lena with her? Something went wrong (as things always do when magical stuff is involved)?

"So of course, she went swimming," she said in a sarcastic tone.

That can easily be adult-Lena's way of belittling the moment, distancing herself from her own pain by adding some sarcasm. Lena's mother clearly went into something (”lake-like”), and never came back, presumably in a good mood (at least not scared) and without hesitation. Lena thinks "lake" and her mother "going under", while she herself remained at the edge of the event. Remember: This whole narration is what her 4-yo self saw and understood, revisited through an (guilt-ridden, self-deprecating) adult’s lens.

Here's a little tidbit, that I found checks quite a lot of boxes:

In Celtic/Irish mythology there is this supernatural "Otherworld" (aka Avalon in the King Arthur Legend), a realm of the deities and possibly also of the dead / ancestors and/or heroes. Apparently it is similar to a parallel universe (or some sort of multiverse) and a happy place. This elusive place is reached by entering ancient burial mounds, caves or by going under the waters of pools, lakes or the sea (giving it one of its many other names, Tír fo Thuinn, "land under the wave") or by crossing the western sea. And/or it sorta connects (at certain times or random / aforementioned places), signaled by fog, mists, sudden changes in the weather, appearance of unusual animals or divine beings. In tales featuring this realm, sometimes the hero returns after what he believes is a short time, only to find that all his companions are dead and he has actually been away for hundreds of years.

You know where you'd learn about “Otherworld” (aside from wikipedia)? In a book of fairy-tales, folklores and myths.

Now, there’s currently this fan-theory that Nyxlygsptlnz could be ...Lena’s mother...

Alright, similar’ish hair-do. I give you that. And the way the clothing bunches at the shoulders looks similar... It’s possible, I guess. Visually, at least.

However, Nyxly shared her troubled past, and Miss “tried to cut my father's throat” seems to not have (had) nearly the care-free, loving, playful, free-spirited character Lena’s mother has been described with. Who sang an Irish lullaby to a 7 year old Lex. And worked with/for Lionel for several years... Plus, wasn’t Lena to look ‘exactly’ like her mother?  So... yeah, if the writers go there, I will have serious problems suspending my disbelief.  That’s all I have for the moment.  Thanks for reading and as always don’t feel shy to correct me or help me find more clues.

[floating-mid-air]

The Princess of all Saiyans

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 Masterlist

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Hey Everyone! It's been a while. My life's been kind of hectic the past couple of months. Long story short: I Graduated from Highschool this year, so I was busy with everything having to do with that. Then my summer job sadly prevented me from writing as well. And then I started College, which was a big change for me. For now, there are no more chapters in my life opening or closing. Now I'm finally in a place where I feel comfortable continuing this book again. I could've honestly been writing during all of this chaos. But I wouldn't have been pleased with the quality of my writing. I'm really excited to get back into the swing of things. I don't think this chapter panned out the way I originally planned, but I'm still happy with it. As always, I hope you enjoy it. And if you have any comments or concerns, feel free to let me know. My inbox is always open!

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Chapter 11

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You've been walking for quite some time now, and the experience has been excruciating. You haven't been in this much pain since you and Raditz were on planet Telia, ten-something years ago. Those damn underlings were able to get a good sneak attack on you. Though you can't say, you let them get away scot-free. You made sure to make their entire dreadful race pay for that injury. You and Raditz had covered up that incident, much like you're doing with your current injury.

"So---" You can hear Goku talking to Krillin from just slightly left of you. "Did you guys find the senzu beans?" Wow, Kakarot may be the least subtle creature you've ever encountered.

"Ya." Krillin chuckles. "All four of us were in pretty rough shape." Goku glances at you with a worried look on his face. You glare at him as Raditz eyes the two of you skeptically. He knows something's off between the two of you. Maybe something serious did happen while you and his brother were trapped together. 

A bit more time has passed, and you've been trying your best to keep up with the others. But it isn't as easy as you thought. You're now trailing behind the rest of them, with Raditz turning back to look at you every so often. The largest Saiyan slows down to catch up with your slower pace, now walking beside you.

He turns to you, whispering in a low tone. "Something's off." Raditz can no longer stay silent about his concerns. First, it was the strange vibes between you and Kakarot. And now it's your out-of-character demeanor making him uneasy.

"About what?"

"You. Typically you walk beside your brother, and when he doesn't let you, you make sure you're always only a few paces behind. But right now, you couldn't be more content to trail everyone. Plus, you're far too confident to not be in the very front." Raditz has been around far too long for your liking. Damn him. He knows you far too well, and you hate him for it.

You roll your eyes at him. "So this conclusion of yours is based on the way I'm walking? I'm tired. When I fought, Burter, that physically drained me. And then I got trapped in a ditch with your moronic brother, that mentally drained me. I'm exhausted, Raditz." 

"It's not just the way you're walking. It's your mannerisms as well." He points at your side. "Your hand hasn't moved from your side from the moment I first saw you."

"God, Raditz." You scoff. "Stop overanalyzing everything."

"Getting defensive now? That's your M.O whenever you're hiding something." He looks back and forth between your face and your hand that has remained glued to your side. The gears in the older Saiyan's head slowly but surely turning. " Y/N, are you hurt?" 

"No." You snap your eyes shut, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to suppress a wince of pain. "I'm fine."

He tilts his head at you. "Y/N, I know you claim otherwise, but I'm not stupid. I know you're in pain."

You chuckle softly in a self-pitying way. "Am I that easy to read?"

Raditz shakes his head, smiling to himself. "No, I've just known you for a long time now." He returns to his serious demeanor, his gaze returning to the area of your wound. "How bad is it?"

"I barely feel it at all. Though, climbing out of that ditch must have reopened the cut."

Raditz snickers. "You're a bad liar."

"That's strange. I've been told in the past that I'm quite good at lying."

A smirk spreads across Raditz's lips. "Well, you apparently aren't when I'm involved."

The larger Saiyan glances at the back of your brother's head. You respond with a glare, firmly pulling on a large chunk of his hair. You know what Raditz wants to do, and it's not happening. "Don't even think about it."

"I-I think we should tell him Y/N."

"No." You let go of his hair, tapping his chest with extreme force. "You're going to keep your big mouth shut. Vegeta will freak out. You know how irrational he gets."

Raditz decides to let you have your way--- for now. The man can't help but wonder why you're so stubborn, but then again, his nature isn't much different from yours.

With every minute that passes, your condition only seems to worsen. Your eyes even start to droop. "Y/N?" Raditz turns to you, his features beginning to fill with worry. He places one of his large hands on your forehead. You're burning up. "You have a fever. Your wound must be infected."

"No." You shake your head in disagreement, almost like a child. As your mental state becomes more and more delirious. 

"Vegeta!" Raditz shouts, gaining your brother's attention.

"Fuck you, Raditz! You're such a blabbermouth!" You shout at the larger Saiyan in front of you.

"What's wrong this time? Is my sister trying to pull you into another one of her elaborate schemes?"

"Y/N's hurt--- bad." Vegeta's eyes widen, and not even a millisecond later, he rushes to your side. "She has a fever. I think her cut is infected."

"Where is it?" He crosses his arms at you, noticing your hand placed firmly on your side. He moves your hand out of the way with ease, lifting your armor. "How did this happen?"

"Burter nicked me during our fight. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? It's infected, you stupid woman!" He turns his attention to Kakarot. "Did you know about this?"

You snicker. "Oh ya, Vegeta. I get hurt, and the first person I run to tell is Kakarot." Vegeta's fists clench at your sarcastic remark, turning his fit of rage back at you.

"You know, in certain situations, you're more prone to infections. And a planet like Namek checks all of the boxes! You know you need to be more careful. Damn our mother and her faulty genetics!" Sadly that's a trait you had inherited from your mother. On most planets, you'd be fine, and injuring yourself would be no big deal. But Namek has specific conditions that result in you being more vulnerable. 

"Raditz, pick her up." Raditz picks you up, giving you a piggyback ride. You wrap your arms around his neck, giving yourself better balance. Vegeta glances up at you. He looks even madder than usual. "With the condition, you're in, you will not be fighting. You will stay away from Jeice, and you won't even enter the same proximity as Ginyu. Do you understand me?"

"But--"

"No!" His voice booms, gaining the attention of every creature for miles. "I'm not kidding around. Do you understand me?"

You bite your lip, tilting your head downwards, avoiding your brother's gaze like the plague. "Yes, Vegeta." Vegeta returns to the front of the group, his mood sourer than ever.

As Raditz begins to walk, he starts talking to you again. "Are you mad at me?" You don't verbally respond. Instead, you claw into his shoulders, your nails digging into his flesh. "Fuck. I'll take that as a yes."

"You're a tattletale."

Raditz chuckles. "No wonder why Vegeta babies you. You'll thank me for this later, you stubborn woman. And I've kept your secrets before, handfuls of them, actually. Like what happened on planet Telia----" Raditz realized the grave mistake he had just made, mentioning that incident in the presence of the very being you worked so hard to hide it from.

You slap the older Saiyan upside the head as Vegeta turns backward, a scowl plastered on his face. "What happened on plant Telia?" It was a rhetorical question, mocking both you and Raditz. "Oh, the three of us will be discussing this in length later. Because it sounds to me like you both lied to me on that initial report." You and Raditz gulp, you've heard that tone from your brother millions of times now, and it has never once become any less terrifying. 

"Oh, lighten up, Geta." You groan. "That was like, what? Around thirteen years ago?"

"The amount of time that has passed matters very little to me. As I said before, this is a discussion for later."

A few more hours have passed, which honestly feels like days at this point. And considering Namek's strange day cycle, it very well could've been. "How much farther?" Your question was clearly directed at Vegeta. And at this point, you're not even sure he has any idea where you're headed either.

"I don't know why you're the one complaining." Raditz huffs.  "You're not the one doing all of the walking! And if you ask him that one more time, I'm going to drop you." Ok so maybe, that wasn't the first time you've asked that question today. Or the second, or third, you're very bored. 

"Man Raditz." You roll your eyes, which are barely open at this point. "You sure complain--- a lot."

"You were just complaining." The long-haired Saiyan grumbles. 

"No, I simply asked Vegeta a question. There's a difference Raditz. I know it's hard for your feeble mind to understand." When you're sick, you tend to act, oh what's the word? Bitcher than normal. And that's saying a lot.

Raditz clenches his jaw. "Vegeta. I need a break from your sister."

"That's how I felt ninety percent of the time I was stuck in a room with you, Nappa, and Cado. And you didn't see me running to wine to Frieza about it."

Before Raditz can retort, your brother interjects. "That's enough! From both of you!"

Krillin, Gohan, and Goku have identical bewildered expressions on their faces. Krillin turns to Vegeta, lowering his voice to a whisper. He doesn't want to be the next victim of your wrath. "Do they always fight like this?" The human finds this perplexing. Back on Earth, the pair seemed inseparable. They appeared to be the Saiyan equivalent of what on Earth would be considered best friends.

Vegeta lets out an exaggerated sigh. "Yes, but typically it's more playful in nature. When my sister is sick, she becomes even brattier than usual."

Vegeta's warning to both of you seems to have fallen on dead ears. Because your quarrel has not ceased, in fact, it has only elevated. "I will drop you, you royal brat!"

"I dare you to you second-class runt. I could still kick your ass even in my delirious state. I wouldn't even have to try very hard."

"I'm considering----"

Before Raditz can even get three words out, your bickering is once again interrupted, and not by the person you may think. "Enough!" Gohan shouts. You honestly forgot the others were here for a moment."If you two keep fighting like this, you're going to get all of us killed!" You and Raditz stare at the boy in shock. It's been a long time since the two of you have been yelled at by a child. The last time being when you were children yourselves. Vegeta hasn't changed much since childhood. He's been bossing you around and shouting at you since you were children, but I'm sure that's not very surprising. 

"Ya, and I can take Y/N---- if you need a break." Goku rubs the back of his neck, chuckling sheepishly. "Not that I want to hold Y/N or anything."

"No." You rapidly shake your head. "Raditz, I'm sorry. I'll be good now--- I promise."

A wicked grin spreads across Raditz's lips right before he grabs your hands with his larger ones. He loosens your grip around his neck, moving your body with ease, scooping you up into his arms. Every step Raditz takes toward Goku seems even more antagonizing slower than the last. Until he's standing directly in front of his younger brother. He elevates his arms slightly, dropping you right in front of an unsuspecting Goku.

Lucky for you, Goku has sharp reflexes. That allows the Saiyan to catch you easily. Raditz look's his brother dead in the eyes, his typical arrogant grin still on his lips. "She's your problem now, Kakarot." Raditz gazes downward to look at you. "Stop pouting. Maybe next time, you'll be nicer to good old Raditz."

A low growl echoes in the back of your throat as you glare daggers at the Saiyan standing before you. "Ya, or maybe next time, I'll rip out your tail and strangle you with it!" The only thing that's stopping you from lunging at Raditz is Goku's firm grip holding you in place.

Rather than arguing that the entire group has become accustomed to, the whole area has become dead silent. You're no longer pouting. Instead, you are glaring at the man who continues to carry you bridal style. You've never liked being held like this. It makes you feel weak like you have no control over your own body.

What makes you even more irritated, Is how Goku reacts to your death stare. He just grins at you. Does he just never get angry? What kind of Saiyan is he? It fills you with so much anger that someone as dopey as Kakarot has Saiyan blood flowing through his veins. 

You clench your fists. You just wanna punch Kakarot so badly. He just has such a punchable face. If you could take away his cheery personality, he'd actually be quite attractive. Wait--- what the hell are you thinking? Kakarot is stupid and way too friendly for you to ever think of him in that way.

 You move your fist up, finally giving in to your urges, attempting to punch the man holding you. Probably not your wisest moment, but your brain isn't functioning normally right now. Goku catches your hand with ease. His reflexes are unreal, or maybe this fever has you more sluggish than you believed. You'd prefer to think that it's the second option. He chuckles to himself. He's still not upset. What the hell is wrong with him? "Come on, Y/N. You gotta be quicker than that." He's challenging you. How Saiyan like of him. You seem to always be able to find specks of Saiyan nature in the cheerful man. And those are the aspects you actually like about him. 

Your eyes begin to once again feel heavy as your eyes droop shut, just before you fall asleep in the arms of your enemy. 

Twenty-Something Years Ago:

You're sitting on your bed, sitting crisscrossed, a book laying open on your lap. Since your father is currently off-planet, you can read all you want. You're enamored with your newest book. It's all about a topic referred to as diplomacy. It's fascinating and has many concepts that are entirely foreign to you, yet at the same time, some of these ideas are also familiar. 

As you read, your door slams open, but you pay the interruption almost no attention, not even bothering to look up from your book. Honestly, the unwelcome intrusion has you more angered than anything else. "God, Vegeta." You roll your eyes. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Something's not right. When Vegeta usually bursts into your room, he's automatically shouting at you.

Out of pure curiosity, you look up from your book. However, standing at your door, you don't find Vegeta. A boy with a very similar appearance but with a much smaller stature stands in your door frame. He's out of breath, desperately huffing for air. "Tarble?" You furrow your brows at your brother, launching off your bed to get closer to him. "What's wrong?" You have this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your twin has never behaved in such a manner before. 

"Captain--- Captain Ginyu is here." Tarble is shaking, his eyes watering slightly.

You scowl ever so slightly. "But Ginyu's not scheduled to be on planet Vegeta any time soon." 

"It's--- It's a surprise visit. What do we do, Y/N?"

You contemplate for a moment before your features fill with alarm. "Tarble? Where's Vegeta?"

His lip quivers as he looks down at the floor. "He's with Captain Ginyu."

"Damn it." You mutter under your breath. Diplomacy is a skill you need right now. And Vegeta doesn't have a single quality that a diplomat possesses. Your elder brother is more likely to unnecessarily provoke the Captain, putting your entire race in hot water with the Frieza Force. 

You rush over to your bedside table, rummaging through the drawer. Once you have your scouter in your hand, you run back over to your brother. "Stay in here, and use this to channel our father. Let him know what's going on." You push past your twin, about to leave, before Tarble's voice calls out to you.

"Wait, Y/N!" You turn back to look at him. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go stop our older brother from doing something stupid. Everything will be fine, I promise. Just calm down and do as I said." And with that, you take off, praying that Vegeta hasn't already done something rash.

As you sprint down the halls of the palace, you run face-first into the torso of a large body. "Princess?"

You look up at the bald Saiyan, the one who's supposed to be at your brother's side at all times. Since the future king of planet Vegeta needs to be protected. "Nappa, Where is my brother?"

The imbecile scratches the back of his neck, contemplating much longer for your liking. "I'm not sure. I haven't seen the runt in quite some time. You should probably ask Vegeta." 

You scowl at the Saiyan. "Not Tarble, you fool! I'm asking you where Vegeta is!"

"Oh, Why didn't you just say so?" It's taking every ounce of restraint you have in your body to not viciously attack Nappa. "He's just outside of the palace." 

You run through Nappa, intentionally knocking the large Saiayn onto the floor. His stupidity lost you precious time. It was quite an amusing sight, though. A mere child, being able to take down one of your father's best warriors. 

You arrive outside of the palace, your eyes landing on your target. This is the first time you've ever seen Captain Ginyu. Sure, you've heard stories of the purple man. And much like your people, Ginyu is just as bloodthirsty and just as ruthless. Much to your surprise, the Captain doesn't have an army behind him. This was just before the Ginyu Force had formed. All Ginyu was at this point in time was a captain of one of Frieza's many armies. 

You walk over to them, now standing at your brother's side. "Captain Ginyu." You speak with your hands, an exaggerated smile appearing on your lips. "To what do we owe the honor?"

The man looks down at you, clearly analyzing you with his scouter. "Well, if this isn't a surprise. I think this is the first time I've had the pleasure of meeting you, Y/N." Ginyu extends his large hand out to you, causing Vegeta to feel a great deal of alarm. Your brother's body has gone tense with an apprehensive look on his face. But when your older brother looks over to you, there isn't even a glint of fear in your eyes. You're calm, almost as if one of Lord Frieza's deadliest warriors was not standing before you. You accept the Captain's hand, presenting him with a short but polite handshake. "Your father doesn't like showing you off much, does he?" 

You chuckle softly. "My father likes to hold his cards close to his chest. I'm sure a man like yourself is quite similar." Sucking up to Ginyu is not your favorite pastime, but it needs to be done. And every Saiyan on this planet knows your big brother is far too prideful to do it himself.

Ginyu looks between you and Vegeta carefully. For someone so highly regarded by Frieza, he sure isn't subtle. He's trying to read your facial expressions. Unfortunately for him, your father has raised you both much better than that. A poker face to you feels more natural than a genuine expression. "Speaking of your father, where is he right now?"

"He's of---"

You quickly cut Vegeta off. "He's in a meeting. That's why our father sent me out. He wanted you to know he sends his regards, but his hands are tied at the moment. He will be here at soon as possible. I hope my brother and I can suffice your needs in the meantime."

Captain Ginyu eyes you skeptically, tilting his head at you ever so slightly. "That sounds serious. I hope it's nothing too pressing."

"Of course not. It's nothing my father can't handle."

You're about to continue your schmoozing, but you're stopped by Vegeta aggressively yanking on your arm. "We need to talk-- in private."

You grimace at your brother's words. He just always has to make everything that much more difficult for you. You turn back to Ginyu, offering the man a cheerful smile. "Will you excuse us for a moment? We'll be right back."

Vegeta drags you around a corner, concealing you both from Ginyu's prying eyes. "What do you think you're doing?" He huffs at you in a whisper. "I had everything under control."

You snicker, crossing your arms. "You were just about to tell Ginyu that our father was off-planet. It sounds to me like I got here just in time to prevent you from making a grave mistake."

"I don't see why that matters."

"And that's the issue, Vegeta. Now we don't have time for this. Let's go." You turn back around, walking back over to Ginyu, Vegeta trailing not far behind. "I'd like to apologize for my brother's rudeness, Captain Ginyu." You shake your head but with a slight smirk across your lips. "All Saiyan men are the same, and my brother is no exception. They're incredibly thickheaded and quite savage. I'm convinced they don't even realize what brutes they are." You watch your brother ball his hands up into fists from beside you. It fills you with an immense feeling of joy knowing you're getting under Vegeta's skin for once. You turn back to Ginyu, plastering that disingenuous grin on your face. "Now, how about we give you a tour of our wonderful planet?"  

You and Vegeta have shown Ginyu around almost the entirety of your planet, and you must admit you're beginning to grow worried. Luckily you've managed to hold off any more questions about your father's whereabouts by charming him with various facts about planet Vegeta. But to be honest, you're not sure how much longer you can hold up this charade for. You've exhausted pretty much every idea that you've been able to come up with.

"Captain Ginyu!" Your father's brash voice invades your ears as you turn around to finally see the man you've been anxiously waiting for. You've never seen your father walk in such an urgent manner, and it's pretty funny watching your twin struggling to keep up with your father's pace. 

Your father places himself between you and Vegeta, ruffling your hair affectionately. You look up at him. "How'd your meeting go?"

Your father meets your gaze, catching onto your deception almost immediately. "It went very well. Thank you both for keeping Captain Ginyu company in my absence, but I think I can handle it from here." He directs his attention back onto Captain Ginyu. "Now, how about we discuss you're abrupt arrival somewhere more private."

The two men exit your field of view, leaving the three of you alone. Tarble, in his typical fashion, glues himself to your side. "What the hell was that?" Vegeta spits out with venom. "Where was your pride? You were basically groveling at his feet."

You furrow your brows at him. "I was doing what needed to be done. And if you think our father isn't currently doing the same thing, you're a bigger fool than I thought."

"I know our father is being more agreeable with him, but not at the cost of his pride."

"It's always about pride with you." You step closer to Vegeta, closing the distance between you. "Your pride today would have cost the loss of countless lives today, Vegeta."

"Then so be it. If there are Saiayn's that inadequate on our planet, we should probably just exterminate them now. It'll save us the hassle later on."

You snicker, shaking your head at Vegeta. "Some King you'll be." You turn to your twin. "Let's go, Tarble. I have no desire to be near our foolish brother right now."

The conversation between Captain Ginyu and your father was brief. It was a very anticlimactic ending to the naked eye. The briefness of this encounter only set off more alarm bells in King Vegeta's head. It was clear to the man that Ginyu's excuse for being on his planet was bullshit. He's just not quite sure what the captain's intentions were, but he sure as hell is going to find out.

As soon as Ginyu left planet Vegeta, he promptly set course for his next destination. He's headed straight to Lord Frieza to report his findings, and he's eager to do so.

 Ginyu arrives on the planet in record time, heading straight for the throne room. Ginyu kneels before Frieza, waiting for his boss to speak. "Captain Ginyu. You're sure back early. I trust you were able to gather enough information on the young prince."

Captain Ginyu nods enthusiastically. "Of course, Lord Frieza. The Price was exactly the same as the previous data we collected on him. He's powerful and quite intelligent for a Saiyan. Though, he did inherit that nasty temper from his father."

Frieza sighs. "How disappointing."

"But I did discover something that you may find interesting, Lord Frieza."

Frieza tilts his head at the man. He can't help but feel intrigued. "Go on." It's not that easy for him to find an advantage over those monkeys, so he'll take any information Ginyu can give him, no matter how minuscule. 

"Y/N--- King Vegeta's daughter piqued my interest greatly. She's not even close to as strong as her brother, but she's remarkably clever. She's very good with words, she knows how to manipulate people. I'd say she might even be better than King Vegeta himself."

"Now, that is fascinating. Good work, Ginyu. I'll look into the Princess's abilities more in-depth later. You're excused."

-

This is just something I felt the need to clarify: So in this chapter's flashback, Vegeta is around three, and Y/N and Tarble are about two. In my head, I picture children on planet Vegeta behaving like miniature adults. My idea is once they leave their chambers (the tanks they are raised in to get their basic Saiyan instincts under control), their minds are fully grown, but their physical growth is quite delayed. That's why they curse and stuff. I have a minuscule window of time to squash in all of my plot ideas. So this was the best way to do so.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Going back home {Chapter 2}

Summary: Claire never thought she would be back in the town she grew up in. But after her fiancé broke off their engagement, leaving her 5 months pregnant and alone she found herself calling Frankie Morales in the middle of the night, one of her childhood friends who insisted that she booked the next flight out. Trying to fix her life with a little help from her friends she would find out soon that going back would be the best decision she ever made.

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Claire Beck

wordcount: 2k

Warnings: pregnancy hormones, pining

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Taglist in reblog

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

“You know your childhood home is for sale?” Claire sat on the patio next to Pope who had decided to catch up with her.

“Seriously?” she asked and he nodded.

“Yeah. It looks bad though.”

“Like every house in this area that’s currently on sale,” she rolled her eyes.

“Yeah there are not many people moving down here, though there seem to be getting more in the last few years.”

“I mean it’s beautiful here,” she let her eyes wander over the landscape. She had always loved it here. Whole summers were spent on the Morales ranch when she was younger. Could have to do with the fact that Pa’ Morales made the best BBQ ever.

“Yeah it is. Better for your girl to grow up here, than in the big city huh?” he asked. She looked at Pope. He had gotten older. The lines around his eyes deeper than before. He always loved to laugh.

“Yeah. Though I didn’t picture it like that. I…” she sighed, feeling silly for the tears in her eyes. Fucking hormones.

“Hey. It’s okay. You gonna be fine,” his hand came down on her knee, squeezing it in comfort.

“Yeah you all keep saying that but it’s not you who has to push a baby out of your vagina without the father being there. It’s not you who has the responsibility to take care of a helpless kid for the rest of your life. I just… why? Why does he get to decide to walk out of this? It’s my pill that apparently didn’t work but it was him fucking me without a condom. He should take the responsibility just as much as I have to. Fuck…” she let her head fall back.

“Fuck him,” she looked up, hearing Frankie’s voice.

“Fuck him. He’s an excuse of a man. You don’t walk away from the woman you love. From the woman who’s carrying your child. Fuck… I was going through rehab while Liz was pregnant and I didn’t walk out…” he kneeled down next to her. She sucked her bottom lip in.

“I just feel so… so…” she shook her head.

“I know. But you’re not alone. You got me,” he looked at her. He was planning on taking her out for lunch when he walked in.

“But it’s not your job to take care of me Frankie. You got your own family.”

“You are family,” Pope said, now standing behind Frankie. “And if you want us to kill him, just say the word,” he teased and she had to laugh at that before she looked at Frankie again.

“I told you. You don’t want a hormonal woman living with you,” she joked and Frankie chuckled.

“I can take living with a hormonal woman,” he reached up to brush away her tears.

“Now what do you say? Lunch?” he asked and she sighed before she nodded.

“I gotta head out. But i’ll bring the house offers I found over tonight, okay?” Pope asked and she nodded. He smiled, leaning down to kiss her cheek before he left.

“I mean it. You’re family. Don’t ever think you’re a burden or alone. We’re here for you. I am here for you, okay?” Frankie said. Claire breathed in deep and nodded.

“Gotta get used to people caring. I was pretty lonely the last few years I guess.”

“Yeah. Better get used to it quickly,” he winked before he helped her out of the seat.

“Gotta get dressed I guess,” she shrugged.

“And I gotta shower. I can smell myself.”

“Yeah. You stink,” she grinned before she walked past him, leaving Frankie head shaking on the patio.

“Lunch is on you,” he called after her and she gave him the finger, making him laugh before he followed her inside to take a shower.

“So what made you open up a gardening business of all things, Morales?” she asked, sitting in the old diner they used to spend so much time in when they were younger. It might be lunch time but she couldn’t wait to have her ordered pancakes.

Frankie shrugged.

“I like being outside, keeps my mind off things.”

“You any good?” Claire teased and Frankie huffed.

“Let’s just say if you need any gardening I won’t be able to help you before the end of the year,” he winked.

“Impressive. I’m happy for you. Even though I still wanna hear the story as to what exactly happened in the last two years…” she said quietly, hearing Frankie sigh.

“Only when you tell me your story.”

She sighed and smiled sadly.

“We have a lot to talk about huh?” she asked.

“Yeah. But in time. Now we gotta eat and then we got to head to the store. Still need some stuff for the BBQ.”

“Fuck how many people are coming to this BBQ? I only have like 5 friends left here and I already met 4 of them,” Clarie groaned, leaning over the shopping cart as Frankie loaded another six pack of beer in.

“Pope kinda invited everyone over he knows so you can get to know everyone.”

“Because I like hanging out with people so much?” she asked, letting her head hang, earning a chuckle from Frankie.

“You and me both. But they’re all okay. Promise,” he squeezed her shoulder in comfort and she smiled a little, bumping her shoulder against his as he came to stand next to her.

“So what else do we need?”

“I got everything. Anything you need?”

“Ice cream?” Claire asked after thinking about it. Frankie only nodded as he grabbed the cart from her and pushed it towards the freezers with the ice cream. Like he had done it a million times before he walked towards the freezer, picking up Claire’s favorite Mint & Chocolate Chip ice cream and threw it in the cart.

“Still your favorite?” he asked as he saw the surprise in her face. She only nodded, a small smile playing at her lips.

“But pick up the mango ice dream too. Been craving that lately,” she grinned and Frankie nodded only before he reached for the biggest container.

The car ride to Frankie’s was quiet, both of them hanging on to their thoughts. It was strange how they seemed to fall back into their old dynamic as if no time had passed. It made Claire aware of just how much time she had spent with him when she was younger.

“This house is for sale,” Frankie said quietly as he stopped in front of the house just down his road.

“Charming…” Claire made a face and Frankie laughed. With lots of imagination she could see herself living here. But not within the next 4 months. This would be harder than she thought it would be.

“Maybe I should have stayed in New York…” she groaned to herself, her head falling back against the seat. She felt a hand on her thigh, her head tilting towards Frankie, unable to see his eyes behind his dark aviators.

“It’s been one day since you got here. We gonna find a house for you,” he squeezed her thigh and she sighed before she looked out of the window again. Frankie felt a weird feeling wash over him, his eyes dropping to the swell of her belly, before he released his hand from her to bring it back to the steering wheel, driving the car the short distance to his farm. A part of him wondered if the choices he made earlier in his life could have prevented some of the stuff he had gone through. Maybe he should have at least tried to go to college. Maybe he would have had a job that wouldn’t have required him leaving for months at the time. Maybe he would have had the guts to tell Claire that he wanted to be more than friends before he left for basic training. But he had found out that she had slept with Santiago, shattering all kinds of hope he might have had, that there was something more between them. To this day he wasn’t sure if maybe there had been more all these years back. He had always been too scared to tell Claire, scared that this would ruin their friendship. A friendship he had missed in the last years. He had wasted years on sleeping with women he never called after until it was a woman, Liz, calling him to tell him that she was pregnant. And he tried to make it work, he really did. A part of him loved Liz, because she was the mother of his child. But that was nothing compared to how he felt when he looked at Claire.

“Is it okay if I take a nap? I’m dead on my feet,” Claire asked as he stopped the car. He blinked at her, so lost in his thoughts. She yawned and he found himself smiling at her.

“Of course. As long as you make your guacamole later?”

She laughed, shaking her head with an eye roll.

“Wake me in two hours?”

“You got it,” he got out of the car, opening the door for her, helping her out. He had noticed her struggling to get out of his truck before.

“Thank you Frankie,” she kissed his cheek before she turned around to walk towards the door. He looked after her until she disappeared inside the house, shaking his head to himself.

“Get it together, Morales,” he whispered to himself before he unloaded the car and got inside himself.

Claire was in the middle of explaining to Frankie how to open an Avocado without killing himself worked, when the door flew open and the Miller brother’s barged inside.

“You got problems with your pipes?” Ben grinned at Claire and she snorted.

“In your Dreams, Miller,” she seasoned the avocados. Frankie shook his head.

“Come on, I show you my pipes,” Frankie teased, making Ben gag while Claire laughed loudly.

“You okay Claire?” Will asked, sitting down at the kitchen island in front of her, after he put the steaks in the fridge. Claire sighed.

“Didn’t think it would be this hard, but Frankie’s a big help,” she smiled a little, tasting the guacamole she was making. She reached for more salt.

“Yeah, he’s awesome. But be gentle with him. The whole custody thing is still pretty fresh,” Will said quietly.

“He hasn’t talked to me about it.”

“He will, I’m sure he will. Just… I mean you probably know him better than I do…”

“I’m gonna take care of him. Promise,” she whispered with a soft smile and Will seemed relieved as he nodded at her.

“Miss Beck. Your pipe problem has been solved,” Ben announced coming back soaked through his shirt back into the kitchen. Claire tilted his head, nodding approvingly at the muscles she could see through his white shirt before she looked up into his eyes with a teasing grin.

“I’ll make sure to preach about your plumbing services, Mr. Miller,” she winked and could swear she saw him blush for a second.

“Enough with the puns, we got a BBQ to prepare. Claire your shower is working,” Frankie emerged from the hallway, pulling a fresh shirt over his head and now it was Claire’s turn to blush before she became very invested in the guacamole in front of her while trying not to think about Frankie’s sunkissed skin on his chest, the little tummy or the dark trail of hair she most certainly didn’t want to lick.

She didn’t see Will’s knowing look before he got up from the seat to follow his brother outside.

Claire was so focused on the guacamole she only saw Frankie’s hand in the last second, slapping it away as he tried to steal a taste of the guacamole.

“Mean,” he pouted.

“Good things come to those who wait,” she grinned before she picked up the bowl to put it into the fridge, bending down to open the freezer for her mango ice cream. Frankie bit his lip as his eyes wandered down her body, averting his eyes before she turned around.

Fuck he wished that good things would be coming to those who waited.

Chapter 3