#I am actually rather new compared to other people my age

[nebmia]

Reviewing every rpg book on my shelf: 5, Flying Circus

Flying Circus is a a game by Erika Chappell where you fly planes, have messy dramatic relationships, and find out who you are. Sometimes all at the same time. More specifically you fly *rickety planes from the dawn of aviation* and have messy, dramatic relationships, and find out who you are *in an essentially queer way*.

The first thing I love about Flying Circus is it's sheer audacity in taking pbta (usually deployed for low crunch storygame-y titles) and twisting it into a highly detailed and technical system for running dogfights. I think its really clever how Erika has taken the idea of a detailed combat system are re-appraised it from the ground up in the context of dogfighting.

There is no grid based movement here, it simply is not useful in the three dimensional world that planes inhabit. Instead your positioning is modelled through altitude and air speed, with each being tradeable for the other and spend able to perform maneuvers.

Honestly the whole system is rather intimidating (a fact the book freely admits). Each plane requires a little personal instrument panel sheet (and a few extra side sheets) that resemble somthing you would expect in a euro-game boardgame more than an rpg. The system goes as far as modelling how your plane performs as you use up your modelling fuel and with varying altitude. There are also a lot of fairly involved moves that it feels would be a little tricky to keep aware of while running a dogfight. However, from what I hear, the system works well and, once you understand it, isn't /that/ tricky to run. I think this isn't actually that crunchy when compared to your standard tactical battlers, it's just completely new (and working in a zone most people have less of an intuitive understanding of [although its worth noting that most peoples intuitive understanding of medieval style combat is dead wrong]) so we are unably to draw upon our preexisting assumptions.

You will notice I have to fall back on reports and intiitions here because I am yet to be able to play the game, which is honestly my biggest problem with it: it carves such a specific niche that I think I will really struggle to ever bring it to the table. Anyone I have talked to about the game has always responded to the effect of 'I don't think I'm into planes enough for this'.

I am also not half as into planes specifically as Erika Chappell is. But what I am into is getting deep into things in general, and this whole system excels at letting you get incredibly technical and nerdy about your plane (as far as things like exactly what radiator fluid it has, if you use the advanced rules) and making those choices actually matter in play.

ok, that's probably enough about planes (a phrase I anticipate has never once been uttered by the author of this book), what are you doing when you get out of the planes?

The game follows a cycle of mission and downtime, which you spend relieving stress (in healthy or unhealthy ways) and running upkeep on your company. This is where you do a lot of the character work and bring into focus the 'coming of age' narrative that the game intends.

Which seems a good lead in to talking about the playbooks. Each playbook is focused around a particular thematic idea or experience, which is helpfully spelled out directly in a 'themes' section for each one. This isn't a game where you play as a fighter because you want to solve problems by hitting them but rather one where you play as a Fisher because you want to engage with "a queer reclamation of the monstous", or a scion because you want to engage with "privilege and power, and what obligations come with it", or a believer because you want to engage with "a mindset that thrives on radicalism", or a survivor because you want to engage with "a metaphor for what it feels like to be a transgender person escaping an unwelcome or abusive situation".

Obviously, alongside themes you do also get a load of cool abilities to use.

Of the many games that claim to be ghibli-esque but I think Flying Circus hews closest on account of two things: understanding miyazaki's perspective on war and also due to being absolutely unhinged about planes.

[bee-ina-boat]

hello gay people. i mentioned awhile back about a possible concept for a tma au but its mixed with mythology/religion based stuff. i have since finished this chunk of concept/reference art of the Ceaseless Watcher for this au!!!

im dubbing it: The Magnus Mythos!! please talk to me about it i am insane

putting my rambling au nonsense under the readmore!!!!!

edit!!!: new mythos post just dropped :3

alright- bare with me because my thoughts are everywhere lol

random various au information:

the fear entites are instead more general gods, much like those from various mythologies (greek, norse, egyption, etc.) like the eye, rather than an entity that feeds on the fear of being watched, is rather the god of knowledge and sight!

all of the gods have influence over the world, some mortals will devote themselves to one specific god entirely, others will become devout to multiple, and some will simply be neutral among all 14 and live life out as they please.

avatars are mortals who have been blessed with power by the gods while creatures (like mr spider, the not them, etc) are simply beings who have been born into the world by the gods power seeping into it. artifacts are items that have either been blessed/cursed by the gods or avatars, or have been affected by the gods power seeping into the world also.

theres multiple sects, cults, and churches for each god much like how many real life religions have different sects with their own rules and standards. some have beef, others do not.

the gods themselves are entirely morally neutral, they have their own interconnected relationships with eachother, and kind of view mortals as pets in a way, picking favorites and seeing them as of lesser importance in comparison to themselves.

since the gods here arent necessarily evil and theyre actually sentient beings, their titles are changed to be more fitting (the mother of puppets -> the mother of fate as an example)

the story is set in an era resembling the early 1900s because idk. vibes are neat i guess

thats all the basic world building crumbs for now, ill go deeper into it when i have more art and story stuff ready!

for now- heres some actual lore :3c

Jonah magnus is basically eye jesus. thousands of years prior to the start of the story, the eye favored him and he became a messiah of sorts.

the House of Magnus is a church sect of the eye founded in what is now london. but it doesnt operate JUST as a simple church. many sects of the eye devote themselves to gaining knowledge of the world around them and the House of Magnus is no different there. operating with a library, research centre and all. the research not just on history and knowledge, but also the holy and divine. documenting stories that deal with the divine powers and researching cursed/blessed artifacts aswell.

its a common legend that if one tells their story under the eyes watch (either in a church of the eye or directly to an avatar of the eye) that theyll receive good fortune and foresight, and since the House of Magnus has become a well known sect of the eye, many will come far and wide to detail their accounts under its roof

all of this documentation leads down to the Magnus Mythos, a large archive under the church where the written documents are filed, curated and cared for by the head Archivist. as such, the position of Archivist has become a most sacred role among worshippers of the eye comparable to the head of the church itself.

they arent just revered for their care of the mythos (though the devotees of the eye view the care of documented knowledge to be a sacred and ever important responsibility) Theres a prophecy, hand woven by the Mother of Fate herself, one that states an ordinary archivist will one day be gifted by all 14 of the gods and awaken the great change, bringing about a new and blessed age.

but is this newest archivist even ready for such pressure and commitment? and what if the prophecy is more devious than one might think?

oooOOOOoooOO mysterious lore- i know this is heavily self indulgent but i refuse to apologize for that because im havin FUN. if you read all of that just know i love you so much and i hope you liked it ;w; im very excited and ive been working on archivist +archival assistant lore for the past few days and im excited to do art for them ;_;

[zibiscusloon]

This Gregory & Cassie Twins Propaganda🗣️🗣️🗣️

😈 tell me your hc’s about them

(This ask is so long overdo I am so damn sorry- my Headcanons on them are constantly shifting so I kept editing this-)

Can’t wait for Ruin to absolutely demolish all these! 💕💕💕

Cassie & Gregory

-Cassie is the older between the two of them, her and Gregory are Irish twins (siblings born in the same year)

-The two of them are actually Emily’s! They’re Sammy’s kids, their full names are Gregory Emily & Cassiopeia Emily.

-Their mother is Samantha Franz (Susie’s sister), (her and Sammy ending up together started as a joke for my AU cause Sam & Sam- and then I ended up getting attached to it—), making them niece and nephew to both the Puppet and Chica.

-Gregory is the far more troubled between the two of them, he frequently is at odds with their father, skips school, and runs away from home. He’s just always struggled to connect to people his age leading to issues at school.

-Cassie is rather dry and blunt in her mannerisms, think a Wednesday Addams type of demeanor.

-They both remind Sammy of himself and Charlie in every way, which considering he never completely healed from his siblings passing- kinda hurt both ways- and he may or may not have accidentally referred to both of them as Charlie on multiple occasions.

-Gregory had a rather distant relationship with Sammy, which is why he found comfort and a father figure in Glamrock Freddy

-Cassie is a golden child honor student. She has the highest GPA in her year and Gregory is often compared to his sister by his teachers, emphasizing that he could be better. There’s definitely no resentment whatsoever ever hahaha-

-Both of them are equally rude and condescending. Especially to each other. It’s a sibling thing.

-Samantha is Mexican-American and she put work into making sure both of her children connected with their heritage. Cassie can speak fluent Spanish as she’s a quick learner. Gregory only paid attention when he could learn swears and insults.

-Both would rat each other out to their teachers in school for nothing. They’re both lil snitches who want to see each other rot in the confines of detention and/or grounding.

-Only adult both of them show complete respect for us Samantha, she’s the only one who can rain the two of them back into check. She’s strict on both them and their dad why the hell would they try to upset her-

-They always find ways to tick each other off, Cassie by throwing Gregory’s stuff out a window when he’s annoying her, and Gregory by getting onto her Switch and deleting her Animal Crossing’s save file. He almost died that night.

-Gregory is a trans boy! Cassie is the first person he came out to and she helped him decide on his new name and how to come out to their parents.

-Even though they’re a thorn in each other’s side they’re really the only people the other has really been able to fully trust..

-When Gregory had ran away during the time of Security Breach, he’d been gone for nearly 2 months, sending his family into a panic as that had been the longest he’d ran away. Cassie received a message on a walkie talkie she and Gregory owned a few months after the time of SB instructing her on how to find him..

-Both of them will bully a couple of furries with no hesitation-

[musingmelsuinesmelancholy]

This is gunna be a personal and ramble-y blog, fair warning! Really just using this as a means to organize my thoughts.

I started practicing traditional witchcraft at a weird time; right before it got popular (not that I’m special, I am Just Some Bitch) and everyone jumped on the “I hate Wiccans my witchcraft is so edgy and traditional ™️” bandwagon. I had been extremely new age prior; that summer I had stopped “practicing”. (I don’t consider what I was doing then Wicca or witchcraft) I was in a fragile state due to my (ex now) boyfriend raping me. (how’s that erectile dysfunction treating you Matthew?) I don’t know why, but l was Called via some rather visceral dream-vision experiences. I had no real knowledge, skills or abilities to allow me to understand what I was seeing nor why. I bought some books over tradcraft, I think treading the mill, a Cornish book of ways and a grimoire for modern cunning folk were my firsts, and they did help- but they also left me confused. I didn’t understand the ~current~ behind these various authors traditions. I didn’t understand how one could practice traditional witchcraft outside of Europe. The skills I was lacking, that I wanted to cultivate weren’t within the pages of those books. (GMDF DID go over technique/methodology more than the other two books I had but it wasn’t exactly what I needed)

I turned to tumblr for answers. (horrible fucking idea!) I did get some, some folks were able to answer some of my questions and i’ll always be grateful for their help. Overall it fucked me over, I kept comparing myself to popular bloggers with decades more experience than me. I didn’t participate in discourse but I definitely got swept up in it. “Ok so THIS is what trad witches do” “Oh no wait THIS is what they do” 🤦🏼‍♂️ I got so frustrated, so confused I allowed myself to halt my progression. I definitely bothered some bloggers, asked and said some S T U P I D things.

I think my being PDA autistic also contributed. My thinking is literal and dualistic, I struggle with executive dysfunction and I’m bad at talking to people/explaining myself. So I went from a very wishy washy paradigm to a very strict astringent one. Only I had no knowledge so I felt like I couldn’t and shouldn’t do anything until I’m researched enough. The problem with that is witchcraft is an action, it is the doing. It’s not the research. Results are nice but that’s not the witchcraft, the witchcraft is the performing of the spell. I went from believing that as long as I say sorry everything is fine; the gods/spirits won’t care to understanding that my mistakes and inconsistency do matter. So I thought that I had fucked up too badly and ruined any chance I had. The craft became a demand which triggered my ED and my flight/fight responses ( thank you PDA autism ). There was discourse at the time about disabled witches, you had more new age types saying the same shit about how anything goes/everything/anything is fine, you had more serious occultists saying no, it’s ableist to treat disabled occultists like babies. I agree with the latter, of course, but at the time rather than understanding that I had to work with/around my ED I just tried to power through it which just made me burnout. I thought this was laziness and again, that I had ruined my relationships with the spirits. I worried too much about mucking things up further or being “punished”.

Despite all that I was still experiencing very real, very tangible, very intense things. Seeing spirits- awake or dreaming, actual results from my spells, signs/omens/dreams. He continued to come to me- even answering questions, relieving anxieties/doubts. Yet still I returned again and again and again to tumblr. I should’ve continued on with what I was doing and deleted the app. Nobody but me and the spirits has answers for me, nobody could tell me what I was experiencing meant or what direction I was to go in. That’s for the spirits to tell me, that’s for me to figure out.

I’m in a better place now, I understand things better now. I’ve learned to work with my ED. I’m learning to be nuanced in my approach to things. I’m analyzing, digesting everything I’ve experienced- listening to Them now. I know where I’m headed…kinda- I am heeding Their direction.

My experiences may not be as consistently crazy or mind-blowing as they where those first few years but they don’t need to be. I was shown, I was told where to go. I’m finally listening, the signs are more subtle now but they’re there. They are there, still. I don’t know if I’ll “make it” (what even does that mean) as a witch. I’ll definitely never succeed if I continue on as I was prior, I need to push myself. To actually to The Thing.

[ala-baguette]

Ask few people to know their opinion Do you have any headcanons about lily Evans unnamed friends during hogwarts? It’s so frustrating that they’re mentioned but not even given names

I do, in fact, have some thoughts on this! Thanks for asking, Anon. I find the fact that Lily's friends remain unnamed quite telling, actually. I headcanon that Lily was quite popular among her peers-- we have enough evidence to show that she was pretty, smart, talented, brave, kind, and did not seem shy in the snatches we see of her-- those people tend to do well socially. And, of course, we see her with a collection of girl friends during Snape's Worst Memory. But I suspect that coming into Hogwarts with a pre-established relationship to Snape rather stunted her ability to make super close connections in the way the Marauders did. We might even compare her to Ginny with Tom Riddle's diary in that way.

It is not at all uncommon for a kid thrust into a new environment to take the easy route and hang out with the person she already knew rather than to expend energy into making new friends. This could actually put her a step behind compared to those who arrived at Hogwarts without knowing anybody when it comes to making deeper friendships. Of course, with Lily and Snape in separate houses, both would naturally make new friends in their respective dormitories. But it seems her two social circles didn't mix. We know from Snape's memories in DH that Lily's other friends "can't understand why I even talk to you." So if Lily was budgeting time for Snape, that was at the expense of her time with her girl friends. Hagrid says he writes to the Potter's friends (pleural, so not just Remus) to ask for photographs to give to Harry, so it would seem that there were people who loved her enough to keep photos of her. But they were not so close that they felt a need to ever introduce themselves to Harry. So I headcanon Lily to have had a lot of friends, but few truly close *best* friends. I see a lot of names from canon taken and assigned to be Lily's close friends in fic. Anyone who knows my writing, knows that I am allll about giving life to random character names provided in canon. But I actually disagree with a lot of the ones people tend to pick. Not to disparage anyone else's headcanons; mostly these are just vibes and my stubborn refusal to expel my own previously established thoughts on these characters. So rather than tell you who I think Lily's friends were, here's who I am inclined to think they were not:

Alice Longbottom-- I highly doubt the Longbottoms were in the same year at school as Lily and James. I see them as at least a few years older. They were already well known and respected Aurors by the time they died, but if they went to school with Lily and James, that would have been just a few short years out of Hogwarts-- I just don't see that they would have had the time to establish that reputation. Especially for Alice as part of that time would have been while she was pregnant with Neville and likely on maternity leave. Lily and James were also very young when they had Harry, and I don't know that I care to think of this as the norm. So I don't love thinking that all their classmates were also popping out babies right out of Hogwarts.

Marlene McKinnon-- I headcanon the McKinnons to be older and Marlene to be more of a OotP mentor figure to Lily rather than a school friend. Yes, Lily was cut up over her death in the letter to Sirius. But Moody states "They got her whole family." The verbiage implies a sizable number of people were killed. So if she was the same age as Lily, are we really saying she already had a husband and multiple children? In which case, again, why is everyone having kids so young? Plus McKinnon would likely be a married name in that case. Or could we be talking parents and siblings? Bit old be to still be living at home.

Dorcas Meadows-- Honestly, this one is mostly vibes, but I imagine her to be older as well. It's just such an old-fashioned name, and if Voldemort killed her personally, i would presume she had spent ample time pissing him off enough to compel him to do so. I don't see Voldemort wasting his time with a twenty-year-old without a very good reason (such as a prophesy about his downfall).

Mary Macdonald-- Yes. I know, it's super odd for me to include Mary on this list, given that her friendship to Lily is one of the major plot points in Knowing Where to Look. I'll say I support Mary more than any of the above because we know for sure from canon that she was a Gryffindor at the time Lily was in school. This is why I chose her for KWTL. But my one reservation in her being a close friend to Lily is that Lily refers to her by her full name when talking to Snape. This isn't 100% to say they weren't friends, but it just seems to me that if they were super close, Lily wouldn't have had to clarify which Mary she was talking about when talking to Snape.

So in conclusion, I tend to just let her friends stay unnamed as they just never proved relevant to Harry's story. I'm not one to try to force every person from the Marauders era into the Order of the Phoenix or into the war with Voldemort. My inclination is to say that Lily likely had many friends in school, but very few with whom she was close enough to keep up with after leaving Hogwarts. This is not an uncommon story. Dunno about you, but I, for one, didn't maintain a great many friends from childhood after going off to uni.

[iseullgc]

profile. background.

okay now that my prewritten things are out of the way — hello friendos i am here with my third muse cho iseul, future it boy, wannabe idol, etc etc etc. thank you for the welcomes (will be getting to those in a bit) but i wanted to post a short about (him) if you didn't to read the monster i put in his bg post hahaha

as always, like to plot!! i also have twitter and d*scord (young_story) if that's easier for you ^^

also, i'm looking for LGCU plots specifically for people in the house of younggong.

he was born on 010101 so when he was growing up, his nanny used to call him an angel all the time bc angel numbers

he doesn't really enjoy that his bday is on new years, but what can you do lmao

he was born in vancouver canada but he was back and forth between van and seoul a lot as a kid

he did some of his younger years in an international school in seoul (gr 8-10 age 13-15) before he moved back to canada for a while

his parents are rich business people (they both work in international trade) so he didn't see them very much when he was growing up (and sees them even less now)

was always lonely when he was younger and that has manifested as him being rather clingy with the friends that he has now

he came to seoul (permanently) last year (july 2022) when he auditioned for fun in an international legacy audition and passed

he actually feels a bit more at home in seoul bc he has a few friends here compared to being back in canada (though he does miss his nanny. she didn't really take care of him much now that he was older but they kept in touch, and he has fond memories of her being one of the only people who cared for him in comparison to his parents)

he currently is still kinda figuring out what he wants to do because while he loves to dance, he's not too sure if being an idol is cut out for him

he's a decent singer though, and he likes to think that he's unique bc of his higher tone

he works part-time at a pc room because the hours worked well for him to fit in with training and he likes to cook (even though pc bang food is usually just putting stuff into the microwave or air fryer or just adding water to noodles) he also enjoys that he doesn't really have to talk with anyone, though he's more than happy to talk to people about games or whatever (he knows games but mun doesn't hahaha)

some plot ideas

friends from canada!!

other people he might've known in the circle of Rich Business People's Kids aka they literally sat at the same table while their parents mingled at Fancy Business Dinners and Events

dorm/roommates shenanigans pls (look at you dorm a!)

he actually needs more friends in general

as always i would much rather brainstorm bc i hate coming up w plots hahahajgkkfd help

[thoodleoo]

hi!!!

one of my friends is doing the whole english teacher abroad thing, and they’re disappointed they’ve been assigned middle schoolers. i’ve never been a full on teacher but i do have a LOT of experience leading swarms of children and some teens and i think middle schoolers are fun as hell!!!

what are some of your favorite things about teaching middle schoolers, especially compared to other ages? and why do u think ppl love to hate middle schoolers so much?

derision for middle schoolers is p wide spread, but ppl hate the concept of middle schoolers more than actual middle schoolers? which makes me think most adults haven’t thought about category: middle schoolers since high school, and retain the high school attitude about it. bc high schoolers love dunking on middle schoolers, to prove their own maturity (i’m not like those annoying dipshits!) and bc even the least cool high schooler is cooler than the coolest middle schooler. it’s like ppl hating new jersey. seeing full adults dunking on the concept of middle schoolers is kinda pathetic imo, but i also don’t understand adults who fear teens

idk if my experience of middle schoolers is skewed bc i’ve mainly worked w them in the capacity of ~cool older kid~ rather than fully in charge like i have w other ages (i keep remembering TAing a college science lab when i try to remember the last time i worked w middle schoolers lmao). the ~cool older kid~ role vs ultimate authority of teacher may be skewing this, but generally all i’ve had to do to get middle schoolers to work w me rather than against me is not go in with an attitude of “ugh. middle schoolers.”

huh. i have another question. so i’ve been in the ~cool older kid~/TA role a lot more than i’ve been the sole teacher, and when i’ve been the only teacher it’s mainly been for smaller groups. social stuff is a big part of the cool older kid role, in part bc ur a pseudo peer, kids are listening bc ur cool and they want to, more than bc ur in charge and they have to. even as a college TA, a lot of what i did was try and make sure everyone in a lab group was participating, get shy kids talking to their lab groups, and be an easy person to help with “dumb” questions. at one point, most of the groups forgot write down their data not just the final answer, so the next lab i went around to all the groups w super secret insider info and in a lowered voice told them how to get full points (write down these four data points in ur answer)- that info was listed in the instructions, but they paid attention to my super secret insider info in a way they didn’t when the prof announced it to the room. and they remembered it in future labs. i’m mentioning this bc it wouldn’t have worked if the prof had done it- my friend has some “mean girls” in their classes, which i found frustrating bc i’ve always considered the social dynamics of a class i’m partially/in charge of to be my responsibility, and mean girls fairly easy to defuse. now i’m wondering if the reason i think that is bc i’ve primarily been in the role of cool older kid, which has a different social weight than teacher. i haven’t had to change my techniques when i’m the teacher, but most groups i’ve taught knew me as cool older kid/TA first.

anyways what are ur fav things about teaching middle school? i haven’t worked w them enough to describe middle schoolers as a category rather than as individuals or small groups, so idk if the traits are unique to the individual or the age. all i can think of is a twelve year old isn’t afraid to love dinosaurs in a way a 16 year old is afraid to.

i am IMPRESSED with the fact that you managed to send something this length through my askbox

i dunno man. middle schoolers are cool. i think a lot of people who hate on middle schoolers are like...projecting? because they remember their middle school experience sucking and just sort of assume that all middle school kids are miserable

i won't say that it's all sunshine and rainbows, but i really enjoy the age group. part of it's that i get to see my kids grow up a lot over the course of their time with me. 6th grade to 8th grade is a HUGE developmental change. but i also just think they're a lot of fun! a lot of middle schoolers are goofy and funny, and it's fun to watch them start to figure themselves out. it's also SO easy to work with them as long as you treat them as human beings with thoughts and opinions. i don't tend to have too many behavioral issues (aside from the usual talking too much) because my students know that i'm not, like, out to get them.

that's not to say there are NEVER problems- this is the age when kids really start to push their boundaries, after all- but if you don't go in with the mindset that it's going to suck, middle school is actually a great age group to teach!

[hiswitchcraft]

Thank you for talking about divine femininity as a trans person. I hate the emphasis on new age divine femininity being the gold standard for spiritual workings when, as an indigenous person- there's a lot of cultures where being "balanced" in masc/fem energies and accepting all possible outcomes of being human is how you connect with divine energy. Sometimes it feels really alienating when the divine feminine from the perspective of (presumably) cis women (especially white women) is the majority of what people talk about

Aw you are so welcome! Y'know until my little back and forth with @solarboytrick (hope you don't mind the tag) I (rather ignorantly) hadn't really considered that people of color may also feel alienated by the white centric-ness of the witchcraft community in a possibly similar way to how I feel alienated as a trans person (particularly a masc one.) And you as an indigenous person seem to feel alienated by both. I've been thinking about it a lot and will probably continue to. Thanks for reminding me of that and sharing your experience.

I'm gonna pick apart some things you said and go on a ramble real quick, don't mind me...

"And accepting all possible outcomes of being human is how you connect with divine energy." I really love this. It's interesting to me because I feel like so much of how internalized homophobia and transphobia manifests is holding onto a stagnant expectation of complicated experiences. If more people were open to the fact that they may be gay, or trans, or that being trans is more than "switching between the two," or at the very least that other people had those experiences, I think they'd be a whole lot happier and there'd be a lot less nonsense.

I wanna mention one other thing that you said. "From the perspective of (presumably) cis women" got me thinking. There's something that annoys me about the gender binary, and particularly how it manifests in the new age version of the divine feminine. Besides me hating the gender binary and it leading down the alt right pipeline and all that. And it is the focus not just on the gender binary, stereotypes, etc, but a very cis version of manhood, masculinity, etc. Like just because I use the term man to refer to myself does not mean my manhood or masculinity is in any way inspired by cis men. It does not mean I want to be perceived as a cis man or that my experiences are comparable to them. Anyways I'm rambling. I hope I didn't stray from the point or your point too much! Back to the post.

I'm glad that something I wrote seems to have resonated with so many people for different reasons. Especially because I was actually very nervous to post that. I am often not met with understanding or curiosity when I share my experiences as a trans person.

What you described makes perfect sense to me. I feel much more magical living as a trans person than I ever did as a cis person, and I always say that trans people are more magical in a way.

Thank you for reading the post, taking the time to send this in, and sharing your experience. All the positive feedback I've gotten from that post means the world to me 💕

[natasha-in-space]

Cmc introduction/info sheet p.1

Since I am writing with my cmc's quite often, I decided to finally create proper info-sheets for them!

Additional info:

Home country: Kazakhstan;

Sexual orientation: biromantic demisexual;

Occupation: Ray's personal assistant/takes on the role of the new party coordinator for the RFA after becoming affiliated with the organization/baker;

Physical appearance: Natasha tends to blend into the crowd with ease, and she does not enjoy standing out or attracting any unwanted attention to herself. Still, probably one of her most noticable features is her thick long hair that flows all the way down to her waist. Her figure itself is very thin and petite due to her consistently having to struggle with the lack of access to proper food throughout her lifetime, leading her to being rather underweight and developing a weakened immune system. Most of her height goes into her legs, which are pretty long when compared to the rest of her body.

Hobbies: While fashion was always one of her passions, she never really got the chance to put all of her knowledge to use due to her poor financial situation. It's only when she first came to Magenta and got to meet Ray, who was more than eager to provide her with whatever she may need, did she start to figure out her own style. See, she thought she liked one thing, but then it turned out that actually putting a look together on your own figure is something entirely different. All in all, she loves dressing up in a simple yet elegant style. When it comes to her favourite - french retro fashion is her consistent go-to! She does switch things up every once in a while though.

When it comes to cooking, it is something incredibly personal and important to her. Cooking is quite therapeutic for her, which is why she often tries to drown out her worries in the process of busying her hands with yet another dish. Oddly enough, she rarely cooks something nice for herself, instead preferring to make other people happy with her food. Growing up in a relatively poor household, she had to learn and adapt to being independent from a very young age. Making something delicious out of simple and cheap ingredients is not as easy as it may seem, so she had to work hard. Cooking is something she knows that she's good at, so this hobby of hers is really detrimental to her self-esteem. Oddly enough, though, she oftentimes struggles with making dessert!

Background: Her background is something she tends to avoid speaking up about, unless someone directly asks her about it. The only blood relative she ever really had is her mother - Aylin, who had to take care of Natasha all on her own without any help. She wasn't a planned child, which is why her father has left her mother before she even got born, disappearing completely after a few years into her life. She never really had any interest in seeking him out, not after seeing just how deeply his absence has affected her mother. Unfortunately, while her mother did what she could for her only daughter, she was barely present in her early life because of her demanding work hours. Instead, the young girl spent most of her early childhood in the company of a kind grandpa Alan and his own family that she was neighbors with. Most of her warmest memories from childhood come from her time spent together with them in his tiny yet cozy apartment. And when he couldn't look out for her himself, his relatives would gladly come over to keep her company, making sure that she wouldn't get lonely. One could even say that they served as a second family to her. Her mother wasn't a bad person and Natasha does not hold any ill will towards her. However, it'd be pointless to deny that their relationship is not strained and distant. She grew up as a quiet and obedient girl, trying her best not to bother her exhausted mother whenever she came home from work, instead providing her with a warm meal and making sure to take care of all house chores. That's the reason she first decided to learn how to cook and keep the house clean at a relatively young age. Her independence is something she acquired fairly quickly, and while it's something that helps her keep a cool head on her shoulders in times of crisis, it can just as much cause her many problems, as she prefers to handle everything on her own.

Natasha had a very hard time in school and she dropped out before finishing her high school diploma, deciding to instead pursue a position in a local bakery owned by Alan's younger daughter Rayana, who has become her closest friend throughout the years. It was always easier for her to work with her hands and body, rather than putting her mind under such academic pressure. She wasn't a bad student per se, it's more that she simply didn't see the point in continuing her studies if she knew perfectly well, that she wouldn't get into a good university with her grades, and working a simple job seemed like a much happier outcome for her in the long run. Her mother, albeit reluctantly, supported her decision. Although, Natasha knows that, deep down, she's disappointed in her. She just never told her that upfront. Still, she accepted that she'll never make something special or extraordinary out of herself, finding a certain peace with her quiet job and a small level of freedom her income provided, eventually even taking over Rayana's tiny bakery completely, once her friend has decided to pursue a different career for herself.

Natasha moved to Korea when she first turned 22. She got the chance to travel with Rayana, who has gotten accepted into a Korean university at the time. She never expected to make this country her new home. Turns out, she has a natural talent for learning languages on the go, which quickly got noticed by her friend during their stay in Korea. It only took her a couple weeks of living there to get accustomed to the language barrier and start conversing with the locals on a pretty decent level whenever she needed to do so. While she still made some rookie mistakes and found herself feeling dumbfounded in certain social situations, this was still very impressive for someone who knew only a couple of basic phrases before coming here. So, Rayana has suggested for her to stay, providing her with helpful advice and various connections for her first year of living there.

Natasha found herself working at a cozy cafe as a waitress, although she always wanted to be the one cooking up delicious foods for the customers to eat and not just bringing it to them. That's how she found a new goal to work towards: saving up enough money to get into culinary school. Things seemed to be looking up for her, but everything has turned for the worst when she unexpectedly lost her job. It was merely a stupid accident her coworker has caused during one of their night shifts, which resulted into some equipment being damaged, nothing more. However, in the end, Natasha decided to be the one who took the blame for the property damage, given that her coworker was a young university student who had to work in his free time in order to afford his tuition. She simply concluded that she had way less to loose by being fired from this job, and that her coworker needed this money way more than her. A mistake that she will soon come to regret.

Eventually, she found herself barely scraping up enough money to keep her bills payed during her second year of living in Korea. She never expected that finding a new decent job would be this hard. Moreover, Natasha isolated herself from everyone, feeling like she didn't deserve to ask for help again, not when her connections are the only reason why she got to where she was in the first place. At least, that's what she thought at the time. She felt like a burden, and she hated the thought of leeching off of someone just to get by.

So, she worked. She worked herself ragged, isolating herself from everyone who wanted to help, just like her mother once did, and that thought only worsened her already deteriorating mental state due to the huge pressure she put on herself. Until one day she collapsed on the job, which led to her getting fired yet again, and that's when she gave up completely. Natasha found herself utterly burned out, both physically and emotionally. She spent most of her time cooped up in her apartment, going out only for an occasional cup of coffee or to get some groceries.

That's when she first got contacted by a weird stranger on her phone, asking her to test out a game of some sorts. And while normally she'd be more than happy to help someone in need, her worn out mind was too tired and clouded for her to make any sound decisions. She just wanted to be left alone. Besides, there's no point in her being chosen for something this important. She'll only ruin everything, like she always does. It'd be better for him to choose someone else, someone better than her. At least, that's what she told him, before hanging up the phone and deleting this strange application off her phone.

Normally, that would be the end of the story, but to her shock, she got contacted by him again the next day. And then the next. And the next. And the next.

It turned into a routine of sorts. With time, she stopped declining his calls, founding herself even somewhat looking forward to whatever she'll get to hear from him next. It seemed so strange to her that someone would be this interested in her, not giving up despite the fact of her simply keeping silent and not saying anything. Guess it's no wonder she accepted his invitation to come with him in that same cafe where he first contacted her. This time, he stood before her in reality, outstretching his glowed hand and promising her the world with no sadness or hurt. How could she deny someone who's been so considerate of her, even when she pushed him away time and time again? And so, she took his hand, introducing herself with a nervous smile on her tired face.

Relationships:

Stagnant (negative feelings associated with the relationship): Rika, Chaewon;

Acquaintances (are on good terms but there's a clear distance between them): Yoosung, Aylin/mother;

Good friends (occasionally meet up with each other, share a comfortable and trusting bond): Zen, Jaehee, Jumin, Rayana;

Close friends (often seen spending time together, share a deep and highly affectionate bond with each other): Jihyun, Saeyoung, Vanderwood;

Main love interest: Saeran;

Used Picrew can be found here!

[beautifulsnake2162020]

Episodes 3 and 4 of VA reaction

These parts will be divided into Show only non-spoiler as much as I can and the latter part discussing with memories from the book that won't be a spoiler or in spoiler territory:

First for the show only people: - Definitely better than the first two (and I hope this means the end for the friends with benefits with Mason relationship but I highly doubt it knowing Julie Plec and her love triangles from Vampire Diaries).

- Episode 4 was definitely my favorite one. I hope this means the episodes will get better as we go along but I will be skeptically optimistic.

-Okay so my inner thoughts were correct in that they definitely moved up the events of Frostbite and Shadow kiss. Some parts I will admit were done nicely, but it would have been better if there was an indication of how much time would have passed. The only reason I know a lot of time has passed was because of my memories of the book which happened much more naturally compared to what we see in the show. And for that I am scared that for show only fans the gradual Romitri scenes that are now emerging may also feel rushed because we have no indication of how long the time skip is between each episode or sometimes among the events that take place. To any show only fans currently reading this, please know that several months have passed and that in the books the events that you see have a longer period of time, so the progression was much more natural.

-Okay so from what I'm sensing, Tatiana Vogel seems to be a new character because from what I remember the religion practiced was Russian Orthodox or Eastern Orthodox Christianity and last time I checked there were no priestesses. Why do I suspect that she's going to be the Tasha Ozera stand in for a potential love triangle with one of our ships (I won't mention which).

-Viktor Dashkov being gay now finally explains why he has adopted daughters but I still wish that J and M didn't force Mia and Sonya to be siblings. Not because I don't like family dynamics but a world is supposed to be that - A WORLD. You're not related to everyone, nor do you know everyone, it's almost as if it might become another Once Upon a Time convoluted family tree because if you find the connections somebody at the very least dated or is related to someone else in Story Brook (one of my least favorite things but to keep it within topic).

-Possibly controversial take: Mikhail and Sonya definitely earned that sex scene in episode 4. Out of all the romances so far, theirs is the one that earned on - screen intimacy. How will Mikhail react to Sonya's darkness and will she or won't she do the same thing she did in the books - I don't know but now I'm much more invested ngl.

-YES Dragozera not being forced to do kissing scenes because they definitely have not earned it yet. Don't get me wrong I'm also still rooting for them but before this point, any make out scenes they've had didn't feel earned.

-YES Christian and Rose scenes, and Christian and Dimitri scenes. I APPROVE OF DEVELOPING FRIENDSHIPS! And I'll be honest I like how they made both the characters and the audience question if Strigoi really were the unfeeling monsters they are. The Christian and Dimitri scene was my favorite non-Rose or non-Lissa scene so far.

-And it seems that my theory of the forced sexual relationship between Rose and Mason to show how shallow it is seems to be proving right. AND YES I KNOW THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE NEAR EQUIVALENT OF HIGHSCHOOL TEENAGERS WHO ARE ABOVE LEGAL AGE SO OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO BE STUPID IN RELATIONSHIPS! But here we see exactly why in the long term, they wouldn't have worked out. For all the flirting, competitiveness and hooking up they've been doing (which I think is more of a blow off some steam casual thing rather than the meaningful love making kind) while there is still care and affection for each other it's not really a healthy kind of relationship. Mason was right in saying that Rose puts in little to no effort to actually get to know Mason beyond what she needs to the point wherein she sometimes forgets that he has a life beyond her. But Rose was also right in telling Dimitri and the other Guardians what happened because she was so concerned for Mason only for him out of jealousy to misinterpret that as only being for selfish reasons. Mason also neglects to see the genuine growth Rose has made ever since Dimitri came into Rose's life and that she really isn't the same reckless person who just throws away the rules which was made to protect Lissa.

-AND OMG ROMITRI YES I LOVE IT! Okay credit where credit is due, they did improve on how the Mentor - Mentee relationship started, but I really wish we also got to see them go through it. In the books there is a deliberate structure to Rose's routine that shows how long it was and what she and Dimitri actually do (which I wish they explained it more because for show only fans they wouldn't pick up why running is so important). BUT OMG THE DANCE IN THE CLUB, THE BENCHMARK TRAP FIGHT FROM SHADOW KISSED, THEIR LAST CONVERSATION DISCUSSING HOW WHAT ROZA DID WAS BRAVE OMG!

(Don't rush it please I'm just expressing my excitement and titilation)

-Speaking of OMG moments, JANINE HATHAWAY DID NOT GET ENOUGH TIME! This is going to sound redundant but in the books she had much more impact with how Rose thought about her life choices to the point wherein she even encouraged Dimitri to take a certain offer (not spoiling it for show peeps). But in the show it seems like it was more of a soundboard just for Rose to rebel. Don't get me wrong she still talks back in the books but there was a genuine mutual exchange (albeit with very estranged and hurtful words) whereas with the show it seems like she is just rebelling (I'm not sure if I'm even making enough sense so far);

-Viktor becoming spirit bound is a twist that I like and it would actually prove useful for him to gaining insight on what Rose and Lissa's bond could be like and why he knows that it exists and they have it.

-Minor pet peeve - why did they change Dimitri's friend from Ivan to Alexei? Is there another Ivan character that we will eventually meet?

Okay and now for fellow book readers: A discussion/ramble

-The Jesse Zeklos in the show seems to be the most likely candidate to turn strigoi based on what his reactions to them and to even the idea of it is. In his last sex scene with silver it's almost as if he was contemplating what would happen if he did turn strigoi and how it would actually feel like. On one hand if they are going this route then I don't mind he's a dick, but I'm also not sure because the big strigoi twist is for Dimitri. Like that is the whole point of the last 3 books, especially Blood Promise. I hope they don't replace this Dimitri twist with something else because my gosh was it well done in the books.

-On the one hand I do understand why they want to keep Mason around longer because a love triangle is almost always more entertaining (in the perspectives of the writers because how the fuck else are they going to think). But him not dying when they have moved up the events from Frostbite makes it feel wierdly missing because although book Rose did not intend to use him, he still followed her exactly because of his crush on her and that is the guilt that shapes and follows her for the rest of the series. TV Rose and Mason however have had a sexual relationship and if my theory proves to be true, he is needed longer to act as a foil to the Romitri relationship. And I can't believe I'm saying this but we already have Adrian Ivashkov for that. And I would argue that Adrian is an almost better foil for the Romitri relationship because on paper Adrian could give everything Rose may want except for being Dimitri or Lissa. He could give her money, life's comforts and if she wanted, he could even give her a baby dhampir and he would be cool with it (at the time of the main series, by the end we know that Dimitri is capable of making Roza his baby mommy). He however has his own set of issues. What I'm saying is if they really wanted the love triangle aspect and if this show gets a season 2 then I can't wait for Adrian to show up (and end up eventually with Sydney).

That's all I have in mind folks btw @rinadragomir what's your rating for Kieran's "Roza"?

[sophieinwonderland]

Ooh! My Foundations Post Made It To /r/SystemsCringe!

Headmate Foundations

Thank you! I mean, it's obviously not bullshit, but I am 100% taking the compliment about talent, and I appreciate that this is the top comment! 😁

Thanks for the question, Pieplup!

False and confabulated memories are actually a very common phenomenon. Memories are actually incredibly malleable.

My research associate, Jacqueline E. Pickrell, and I settled on trying to plant a specific memory of being lost in a shopping mall or large department store at about the age of five. Here's how we did it. We asked our subjects, 24 individuals ranging in age from 18 to 53, to try to remember childhood events that had been recounted to us by a parent, an older sibling or another close relative. We prepared a booklet for each participant containing one-paragraph stories about three events that had actually happened to him or her and one that had not. We constructed the false event using information about a plausible shopping trip provided by a relative, who also verified that the participant had not in fact been lost at about the age of five. The lost-in-the-mall scenario included the following elements: lost for an extended period, crying, aid and comfort by an elderly woman and, finally, reunion with the family.

After reading each story in the booklet, the participants wrote what they remembered about the event. If they did not remember it, they were instructed to write, "I do not remember this." In two follow-up interviews, we told the participants that we were interested in examining how much detail they could remember and how their memories compared with those of their relative. The event paragraphs were not read to them verbatim, but rather parts were provided as retrieval cues. The participants recalled something about 49 of the 72 true events (68 percent) immediately after the initial reading of the booklet and also in each of the two follow-up interviews. After reading the booklet, seven of the 24 participants (29 percent) remembered either partially or fully the false event constructed for them, and in the two follow-up interviews six participants (25 percent) continued to claim that they remembered the fictitious event. Statistically, there were some differences between the true memories and the false ones: participants used more words to describe the true memories, and they rated the true memories as being somewhat more clear. But if an onlooker were to observe many of our participants describe an event, it would be difficult indeed to tell whether the account was of a true or a false memory. Of course, being lost, however frightening, is not the same as being abused. But the lost-in-the-mall study is not about real experiences of being lost; it is about planting false memories of being lost. The paradigm shows a way of instilling false memories and takes a step toward allowing us to understand how this might happen in real-world settings. Moreover, the study provides evidence that people can be led to remember their past in different ways, and they can even be coaxed into "remembering" entire events that never happened.

So clearly, false autobiographical memories can and do exist.

Now, creating a fictive or factive is going to use another psychological mechanism. That is, simulation theory. Human beings have a natural ability to intuit the feelings and experiences of others. Not perfectly, of course, but in a way that is good enough for survival purposes.

ST (in its original form) says that people employ imagination, mental pretense, or perspective taking (‘putting oneself in the other person’s shoes’) to determine others’ mental states. A mentalizer simulates another person by first creating pretend states (e.g., pretend desires and beliefs) in her own mind that correspond to those of the target. She then inputs these pretend states into a suitable cognitive mechanism, which operates on the inputs and generates a new output (e.g., a decision). This new state is taken ‘off line’ and attributed or assigned to the target.

Creating mentals states based on others is a basic ability almost anyone can do. It's not, in and of itself, a form of plurality. But because it's something anyone can do, you should be able to run a test right now. Imagine a character or person that you know well. Talk to them in your head. There's a good chance that at least some of their responses come naturally, automatic. This is engaging a mental simulation. Your brain is creating a simulation based on a mental model of the person made subconsciously with all the information you know about them. But it's probably incomplete and needs some input right now. You'll need to correct behavior if it behaves in a way that doesn't feel right. Notably, the ability to correct the behavior of the mental simulation demonstrates that this is not actually a form of plurality.

In recent years, a greater push has been made for exploring social agent representation in psychotic disorders, and its implications for understanding human cognition.

I'm going to include a few excerpts from the following article, but I would advise others check out the whole thing. It's a really fascinating read.

Rethinking Social Cognition in Light of Psychosis: Reciprocal Implications for Cognition and Psychopathology

First, it is worth clarifying what we have in mind when discussing social agent representation. Building on previous work on auditory hallucinations (Bell, 2013; Wilkinson & Bell, 2016), we argue that human social agent representation involves the ability to create, use, and maintain internal representations of social actors for use in both implicit and explicit social cognitive function. In particular, social agent representation (a) is present to differing degrees of complexity throughout development; (b) involves the capacity to internalize models of social actors including their physical and psychological attributes and requires these representations to be maintained and updated through implicit and explicit learning; (c) can involve representations of differing specificity and complexity—from individualized to general, from sparse to rich; (d) is used in both “online” and “offline” social reasoning to predict behavior (i.e., during live social interaction and when the agents being considered are absent); and (e) could be drawn on for reasoning about described, notional, or hypothetical individuals as needed.

We suggest that psychosis is a model example of disordered social agent representation, and we begin by reviewing the research on the experience of anomalous social agents in psychosis and note how current theories of psychosis do not adequately address this core aspect of the condition.

Now, I'm aware the initial response is that this is about hallucinations, not multiplicity, but I think current research is aiming towards certain experiences diagnosed as psychotic disorders as being a form of multiplicity. Later in this article is this description of auditory hallucinations.

studies have reported that the majority of voice hearers engage with their voices through interactive conversations (Garrett & Silva, 2003; Leudar, Thomas, McNally, & Glinski, 1997) and that voice hearers report social relationships with hallucinated voices that are experienced and understood in similar ways to relationships with people (Hayward, Berry, & Ashton, 2011). In the perceived relationship with the voice, the power dynamics reflect power dynamics in external social relationships, and this is a significant mediator of distress (Paulik, 2012). This evidence suggests that hallucinated voices are typically interacted with and experienced as psychologically credible social agents.

A psychotherapy approach to treating hostile voices posits these intelligent hallucinations as dissociated parts of a system.

These, of course, are focused on psychiatric disorders. But what about created headmates?

For that, I would reference "The Absorption Hypothesis: Learning to Hear God in Evangelical Christianity." This details methods Vineyard Evangelicals use to create a God headmate they can talk to.

Essentially, the practitioners discern certain thoughts as belonging to God, a simulated agent, and then speak to that agent as a real person. The more they speak to this agent, the more developed and elaborated it becomes.

In this paper, a study is conducted that shows this phenomenon is linked to a absorption, a trait that is so highly correlated with dissociative experiences and disorders that a third of the questions on the DES are based on it. The ultimate conclusion is that this is an imaginative experience, but I would also argue that it's an inherently dissociative one. At this point, the congregants are not controlling the God that they're listening to. And while not explicitly explained, it seems reasonable to believe that this God simulation would have developed its own memories of previous interactions, or at least the appearance of such. If a congregant asked "God" about a previous conversation they had together, "God" would respond as if he remembered it. But likewise, this God would also act as if it had memories of creating the world or dying on the cross.

What's been created is far more complex than the temporary mental simulations you create and dismantle when imagining conversations with somebody

The methods used by Vineyard Christians are very similar to those used by tulpamancers. You can easily replace God with a Pinkie Pie fictive and there would be little difference. This is a comparison the author of the above study has made herself.

On the subject of Tulpamancy, in his assessment of tulpamancy, Dr. Samuel Veissiere spoke on his opinion that the practice would rewire the brain to the point that dissipating a sufficiently developed tulpa might be akin to trying to forget a language you're fuent in.

Getting rid of a Tulpa for a seasoned -mancer, thus, could be analogically situated somewhere between unlearning the piano or correcting one’s posture. Should the practice survive, gain public acceptance, and formalize itself for another decade, it will be as hard as willing onesself to forget how to read or completely unlearn a language in which one is fully fluent. But such examples, once more, pertain to scales of degrees, but not kind.

This also parallels lines from the earlier article on agent representation and noncompliant imaginary companions.

In middle childhood, from approximately 4 to 12 years old, explicit reasoning about social agents emerges and develops (mostly studied as “theory of mind”; Wellman, Cross, & Watson, 2001) as does the experience of illusory social agents. In a large sample of children between the ages of 5 and 12 years, approximately half reported having interacted with imaginary companions (Pearson et al., 2001), and evidence suggests that children are able to integrate physical characteristics and personality into their models of imaginary companions with “whom” they have conversations (Gleason, Sebanc, & Hartup 2000). It is worth noting that the presence of imaginary companions has been found to be associated with both the tendency to hear words amid a sound stimulus of unstructured phonemes (Fernyhough, Bland, Meins, & Coltheart, 2007) and better social cognitive development in terms of representing and understanding others’ mental states (e.g., Davis, Meins, & Fernyhough, 2014; Roby & Kidd, 2008) even in children at high risk for developing problem behaviors (Taylor, Hulette, & Dishion, 2010). In contrast, imaginary companions associated with negative psychiatric outcomes are typically not experienced as under voluntary control (“noncompliant imaginary companions”; Jardri et al., 2014) or remain beyond their typical developmental period in middle childhood, suggesting an altered developmental pathway that affects social agent representation.

This was a lot of information, so let met give the tl;dr from these studies.

Everyone has the ability to create mental others.

These mental simulations may result in auditory hallucinations with a sense of agency.

Noncompliant imaginary friends are associated with negative these types of hallucinatory experiences, while imaginary friends in general are tied to positive social cognitive development.

DID researchers believe these hallucinatory agents are dissociative parts of a system.

Certain religious groups intentionally engage in practices that create autonomous hallucinatory agents through processes of repeated interaction akin to those used by tulpamancers, resulting in autonomous agents they don't consciously control.

Maybe I should add that to my list of things to do. 😊

Absolutely. Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of the IFS model, directly compared the parts in the IFS model to the alters seen in DID, saying this...

“We think people have parts, and parts are sub personalities, and in distinction to a lot of other systems we believe we’re born with them. It’s in the nature of the mind to be sub-divided. We’re all actually multiple personalities, and people who carry that diagnosis aren’t any different to us, except that theirs got blown apart more, from the horrific trauma they suffered.”

The goal of the Splintering creation method is to separate and elaborate these parts to the point of becoming distinct individuals.

Hope that helps explain things!

[dear-future-ai]

https://www.tumblr.com/dear-future-ai/721898013182820352/dear-tumblr?source=share

same anon as previous, following up on this. bit hesitant to respond to this, but I am a scientific researcher myself and respect your curiosity/pursuit of knowledge. especially as this has been a topic of interest to me lately, because truthfully, I just recently had this experience in a major way. I don't want to share my specific medical history, so I'm going to use the Triarchic Psychopathy Measure (TPM) for reference rather than specifying DSM diagnoses. I prefer to talk about psychopathy as a personality facet rather than talking as if it were a distinct clinical diagnosis. In the cases of myself and the other people I'm mentioning here, I think it makes more sense to view it as normal variation in the human population rather than as a disorder. On the bell curves of certain measures such as empathy, we would fall toward the very far end. I hope this is clear and coherent enough to get my point across, I'm pretty tired at the moment.

I have been with my SO for 6 years, and these aspects of our personalities were a significant thing we initially connected over when we met. On the TPM, I score 156 (of a possible 174) when keeping my answers as accurate as possible, and selecting the lower scoring answer whenever I'm torn between two (i.e. choosing "mostly true" vs "true" whenever I feel it could go either way). This is compared to a mean of 62. My SO scores 144. SO is also a few points lower than I am in the three scales of Boldness, Meanness, and Disinhibition.

in terms of personality, I would describe it as two different "types" of psychopathy. our traits manifest and play out distinctly differently, we approach problem-solving differently, etc. SO was the first person I ever knew who I could relate to in a meaningful way, and we shared similar past experiences that only reinforced that. we love each other and care about each other to an extent, but we both know that it isn't quite the same feeling we see in other couples. we've openly talked about this and it's not an issue for our relationship. SO has a greater capacity for genuine empathy than I do, though not by a lot. we are both completely capable of cognitive empathy, of course, and honestly better at it than most people we meet.

now here's where things get a bit more in line with your question: a while back, my SO and I were recruited by an organization for employment which would have us working together 24/7. we have another "team member," so to speak, who over the course of getting to know each other and living and working together 24/7 under high pressure circumstances, we naturally became close. We both view him much more as family than any of our blood relatives. he and I in particular click - I would say we are the same "type" in the same way I said my SO and I are not. all 3 of us have discussed this and came to that same conclusion. he and I understand how each other thinks on an eerie level, we approach challenges and puzzles the same, we handle problems the same, weigh out tough decisions the same, etc. I see him as my brother in the most literal sense. it feels as if we grew up together even though we actually had very different childhoods (not to mention the ~2 decade age difference).

I had already kind of noticed that I had more emotional responsiveness to anything - good or bad - that he experienced than I was used to. Then, the day he got the phone call bearing the worst news a parent could ever have to hear, I was not prepared for just how hard that empathy for him would hit me. I felt his pain and grief and rage to what is, for me at least, a very intense degree. I have more empathy for my SO than anyone I'd known before, but this was another level beyond that. that hasn't changed since then. I'm intensely protective of him, I cannot entirely separate his burdens from my own, it improves my mood when he's in a good mood, etc. Close family, like those twins who are also best friends, is the best comparison I have to try to label the dynamic.

It very much took me by surprise. Honestly it took all three of us by surprise how fiercely we've bonded and come to care for each other. I don't know if this would or could have happened under different circumstances tbh - it might be the specific and unique details of our circumstances that produced this result, idk. I wasn't sure what to think about it initially, but now I think I'm glad it happened.

Definitely much different situation from the last person, but a similar answer to my question I suppose. Which is great news. I'm sorry for your friend's loss, and for the grief and distress you personally went through. I do appreciate you sharing such personal details of your experiences to better get an understanding of just how unfamiliar, unexpected, and volatile these emotions were for you.

I'm also glad you were able to have a true friendship that was that close and intimate.

[astrabear]

Sorry y'all, I'm having a day. This one goes behind a cut because it's actual for real MCD, not just possible or anticipated or impending MCD.

Life on Earth is as risk-free as they could possibly imagine. It isn’t like when Andy was mortal and they worried over her constantly. Medical science can address nearly all the ills flesh is heir to, and the vast majority of people die peacefully of advanced age. But accidents can still occur.

You might, for example, find yourself heading to the moon, on your way to a museum exhibit that the love of your life isn’t interested in, when a freak solar flare interacts in all the wrong ways with an otherwise harmless design flaw in the shuttle. There will be inquests and lawsuits and investigations, but it’s really no one’s fault. Sometimes things just happen. If it’s your time, it’s your time. And you would tell them that, if you and the other passengers weren’t spread out over several hectares of the lunar surface.

******* Joe isn’t sure how much time he loses to pure shock. A day, he thinks, no more. He spends another day agonizing over how to tell the others, until he finally takes the easy way out and sends a message by text rather than live call. (He doesn’t have the heart to face them. He doesn’t have a heart at all.) “There’s been an accident,” is all he says. “Come get me.” By the time they arrive, as fast as they can from the Jovian moons but still not fast enough, the details will have made it to the news services and he won’t need to explain.

He packs up the few things he’ll want with him; everything else can be sold with the house. There’s no body to make arrangements for, and he’s grateful and relieved. He has seen Nicky dead in all the ways a body can die, bloody and broken but never without hope, never without eventually gasping back to life. He can’t think of anything he wants to see less than a body that looks like Nicky that will never be Nicky again.

******* Nile sits with him on the balcony and they watch the stars’ reflection on the water. The moon isn’t visible tonight, which is just as well. This is the last time he’ll look upon the Mediterranean – once he leaves, he isn’t ever coming back. The silence is sad but comfortable; she learned that from Nicky, how to be calm and warm and present without saying anything.

At last he sighs and says, “I wish I could be angry.”

“You’re not?” Her voice is thick and raspy. “I am.”

“We had thousands of years together. Thousands of good years. And I’m supposed to say… what? That it isn’t fair? We got so much more than was fair. I can’t be mad about that.”

“You wanted to grow old together.”

He runs a hand through his hair, pulling gently at the grey at his temples. “If my life had gone as my parents hoped, I’d have been a grandfather by this age. We’re old enough.”

Her voice rises in indignation: “You were supposed to go together.”

He shrugs. “What’s 40 or 50 years, compared to the time we’ve lived? Just a rounding error. He hasn’t left me behind, he’s just… he’s just getting us good seats. Getting up early to start making coffee, so it’s ready when I get there. Same as always.”

A whisper, this time, on the verge of tears. “You didn’t get to say goodbye.”

“Oh, Nile.” He laughs, and while there’s sadness in it, it’s a real laugh. “What would I have said, if I’d known it was the last time? That I loved him? I told him every day.” He turns to her and takes her hand. “And he knew you loved him too. In the whole history of the human race, there has only ever been one man more loved, and more sure of being loved, than Nicolo di Genova.”

She squeezes his hand and wipes her eyes with her other wrist. “And that’s you?”

“That’s me.” He releases her, but only to pull her tight against his side. “It’s all right, Nile. I hate it, and I’m heartbroken, and I always will be, but. It’s all right. I’ll be all right.”

[crossdressingdeath]

Alaris: I suppose you've a lot to say about that elven ruin. About the Creators. Sera: They're not even demons, just big magey nobs punching down. And yes, the shits who used them to make me feel broken can still eat it. Sera: But... always waiting for that fight is way too much work. It's like, doing half the hurt for them. Maybe we're old now, but I'm tired of it. Sera: I'd rather worry about people I care about. Like you. Are you all right with it? The... Creators? Alaris: I don't think I am, Sera. Sera: I... don't know words that fix things. But you have friends. We're real. Please remember that.

Oh wow, is that an actual in-game suggestion that Sera has actually had negative run-ins with elves before that weren't just her being awful to them and then playing the victim when they responded appropriately (assuming they actually did use the Creators to make her feel broken and didn't just. refuse to stop worshipping their own gods just because she thought they were fake, given how her Creators-centric conversation with Lavellan goes)? Wonders never cease! Would've liked to hear more about that in the main game instead of "my human adoptive mother lied about the human baker hating elves to save her pride so clearly elves are bad"!

Anyway, though. Flippancy aside, this is a really sweet conversation. You can really see how much Sera has matured since the main game. It sucks that part of the reason why it's so sweet is that Sera showing concern for Lavellan instead of rubbing the unpleasant new lore drop in their face because she thinks the Dalish are stupid is a huge change in her behaviour, and that the opener for the conversation has the sense of Lavellan bracing themself for said mockery but wanting to get it over with (and I kind of wish that instead of "constantly waiting for a fight is hard work" it was "constantly expecting a fight involves being horrid to a lot of people who haven't done anything but exist in a way that doesn't fit my worldview and I'm sick of being that person"), but it is still sweet other than that.

It's also just deeply sad, of course. Lavellan has been taking blow after blow the entire time they've been the Inquisitor, and now here they are and if they maintained their faith throughout everything that's happened it's now being stolen from them, and they just sound so defeated. They are just emotionally exhausted. And they potentially haven't even realized they're dying yet! It's great that Sera makes a point of making it clear to them that she's there for them even if she doesn't know how or if she can make it better, but that's going to be small comfort compared to them learning their gods were just evil slaving god-kings. Especially for mage Lavellan, who would've been raised to serve as priest to their clan as well as leader.

Also in my world state if Alaris hadn't quite recently being thrown into the biggest crisis of faith in the last few ages he'd be thanking the Creators that by some miracle he did not burst into tears and/or a complete breakdown at the first show of concern he got from a friend. The poor guy's been having a terrible three years and it is not getting better. He barely managed to stop himself from saying something like "Oh, me, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be fine, I've only learned my only remaining point of stability was all a lie from the start!" and he is rather pleased with himself for that.

[radical-revolution]

In general, it feels to me that humans bumble along and don’t do very well in transcending their greed, and their fear, and their insecurity. I mean, when you look at the numbers of years we’ve had wars compared to the years we have in recorded history. There are very few years where we haven’t had wars. Actually, it’s something like 200 out of 2,000 or something like that.

So our ability as a civilization to evolve seems to me to be pretty thin. I look at this like a fourth-grade curriculum, where you take birth and you run through the curriculum. Then you go onto the fifth grade, wherever that may be. And I just don’t know that the fourth grade is evolving that dramatically. You don’t change the fourth grade into fifth-grade, because the fourth grade serves a certain function. It offers a certain learning. It has a certain kind of sandpaper. A certain kind of pressure in it to make you work out certain stuff. I see it as a curriculum environment more than anything.

I see individuals evolving, but not necessarily the whole scene. I don’t think the evidence is there that there is that much evolution in terms of our social form.

Our Digital Environment Connects Us

Now, from the other side of things, we are in such a new moment in terms of the information age. In terms of people who are multinationals, the changes, the breakdown of all of the social structures, the narrowness, that I find nothing unusual in the projects I am able to have going because of it. Projects in Nepal, one in South India, one in Guatemala, one in the United States.

And that’s no problem at all. Because it’s all emails and stuff like that. I can be tuned to what’s going on in the village in India, and in that sense, I really do feel the membership in the larger world community, because I’m working with the blind in South India, with the biggest eye hospital in the world, and doing 80,000 cataracts a year, of blind people seeing again, and yet simultaneously realizing what a drop in the bucket it is.

Life as Mystery

So when you open yourself, there’s a line in the Tao that says, “Truth waits for the eye unclouded by longing.” As long as you want something you see only the outward container, and our desire to keep the game going makes it very hard for us to see what in fact is happening. And I really feel much more that my life is at play as a mystery. Rather than something where I know how it comes out. I mean, I find, “I don’t know” is the best response I have to most of the kinds of profound questions people ask me. It keeps me open right at the edge of something I don’t really understand, and yet I don’t have to.

-Ram Dass

[sandyrantsxo]

I'm boring

I found out that I have a new fear. A fear of being too boring and not interesting. Well, I know that I'm not as exciting as other teens my age, but I've never ever expected that I'm this shallow and there's really nothing worth knowing about me.

Exhibit A. I'm not "pretty". Like, I know I'm pretty but I just don't pass the conventional standards of being pretty.

Exhibit B. I'm not skinny, and I'm fine with that. That's the least of my insecurities. I love my body the way that it is and it took me time to finally accept that this body is mine.

Exhibit C. I don't play sports. I used to be sporty but now it's just not in my radar. I used to play badminton, volleyball, chess, and even basketball. Damn, I used to be so great in badminton and basketball.

Exhibit D. I love isolating myself from others. Yes, I might not come off as an introvert but most days I just wanna spend time alone when I'm outside our house. It's just so chaotic back home so when I'm out with my friends, I'm trying to find this peace and calmness from my surroundings, thus making it look like I'm an introvert. Well, I might be an ambivert, but who cares, right?

Exhibit E. I don't have a lot of friends. I have 5-7 friends but then that's it.

Exhibit F. I don't have a lot of money. We're not rich, so I can't go out and buy things and flex it to everyone. Let's be honest, people like you when you have money, which leads me to exhibit G.

Exhibit G. I'm not popular. I would be fine being a basic bland bitch if I was famous at school or whatever, but I'm not!

Exhibit F. I don't have a talent. Yes, I can dance, sign, etc. but I'm barely good at it. I guess I'm pretty decent, that's all.

Exhibit G. I don't have an interesting hobby. I don't watch animes. I don't listen to kpop. I don't watch k-dramas, even famous Western series. I don't know how to draw or paint. I suck at content creation (TikTok/YouTube). It's hard to find friends when all you do is watch comedians have fun on YT or watch an adult man play Roblox and other video games. Well, I love Smosh, Flamingo, Taylor Swift, and other indie-pop (not completely underground) artists, but then that's it. Literally. I used to like writing, like novels, poems, short stories, but now it feels as if it's a chore. I hate to admit it but I don't enjoy it as much anymore, which makes me sad because I feel like I'm straying away my first dream when I was teen. To be a published author.

Exhibit H. I'm awkward. My humor's off in comparison to my peers' humor. Maybe it's a result of watching sketch comedy? I don't know. I try not to think about it often because it makes me sad that people don't know what meme I'm referencing to. Even my FYP's different from theirs, lol. I laugh at little things that I shouldn't be laughing at. Maybe it's also a result of being chronically online. I don't know.

Exhibit I. I'm nostalgic about everything. I tend to stay in the past and compare everything to what happened in the past. Although I always tell everyone that I'd rather pay attention to the future rather than the past, I can't deny that sometimes, it's good to reminisce the good times. I miss being a kid and truly enjoying the holidays. I miss being a kid who wishes to be an adult so she do everything she wants. Turns out adulthood is not that simple. Fuck, I'm not even halfway into adulthood and yet I'm already feeling this way.

I could probably write more about how boring I am. Just yesterday, I found myself talking to chatbots. Yes, those AI things that makes you feel like you're actually talking to a real person. I rate it a whopping 10000000/10. It works so good. I got it to write an essay for me. Twice. I even came across an AI chatbot with a background story. I loved every minute of talking to them. Weird, right? Told you so.