#I am an outfit repeater here is all my outfits | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starillusion13 · 4 months

Text

119: I like it like that

Pairing: NCT dream x f!reader

Genre: Mature, Smut, Mafia

W/c: 8k

Warnings: mention of drinking, hints of filming, use of sex toys, sex w/o a wrap(don't do it sillies), they all are just horny for each other, mean dom!nctdream, sub!fem, cum eating, hickeys, manhandling, fingering, kissing, crying, orgasm denial, edging,hand job, hints of voyeurism & exhibition, overstimulation, public sex, car sex, comfort, lots of love (let me know what to add more)

Networks: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated . Applause to the ones who come up to me to interact and they know how friendly I am. Okay enough!

MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT UNDER THE POST!

"Don't make a sound and don't even let others know about this. Alright?"

"But-"

"Are you really questioning me now?" he said and raised an eyebrow.

You shook your head and wide eyes staring at him. You didn't still able to place the pieces that he made you wear the panty with the most favorite vibrator of his choice and asked you to go along with him to the business party wearing a revealing slit dress. You always loved these thrilling experiences and for a lot of times, you had raised the topic of being used in front of others but everything should happen oblivion to others.

Your heels clicked on the shining marbled floor and the man standing at a distance watching you hungrily with a very familiar dirty smirk plastered on his face. Oh, he was enjoying it too much!

It was one of the fantasies coming true after all!

As soon as you reached near him, he grabbed your wrist and brought your knuckles to his lips, he inhaled the scent from your wrist and closed his eyes, "sweet as always." His nose brushed against your warm skin, his warm breath alone making you weak and his lips just a thin line away from your skin, "you will be good for us tonight, okay baby?"

He repeated and locked his gaze with yours, "okay? I want answers. And that should be a positive one."

You hesitantly nodded and he chuckled. He placed a soft kiss on your knuckles and entangled his fingers with yours before pulling you towards his side, "you are already being a bad girl, baby. And this has been added to your list. Keep in your mind to use your words to reply or later your every word will be deaf to my ears and I don't know about them."

"Yes, Mark......and where are the rest?" you asked him when he was guiding you towards the car in the garage.

"They have been already at the party, don't want to make them wait more. Right, baby?" he asked you while opening the door to the passenger seat for you.

"No. Let's go there before people start asking them about us." You entered and he pressed a kiss to the side of your head and closed the door.

Your eyes followed his movements how he checked a message in his phone then he looked at you through the glass, standing in front of the car and smirked. With slow steps, he entered the driver's seat and whistled when he set his hairs in the rear mirror.

Your gulped and your throat became dry watching him looking so perfect in black leather jacket and a denim bottom. His black hairs looking exactly the perfect match to the outfit and he seems like the center of attention of the party.

You licked your lips and he noticed it. He chuckled seeing you so horrified with the things that were going to happen.

"Are you scared? Or are you excited?" he asked with locking your eyes in the mirror.

You gulped and replied, "Both."

"That's a good girl. You are looking so expensive today. But I'm really disappointed that you didn't listen to our warnings and rules for the last two months, when we were not here. You hurt my trusts on you. And today you are going to repay it. Are you going to beg for the forgiveness?"

His words making you clench around nothing. You felt a wave of shame all over yourself for his words could have such an impact on you. You licked your lips and nodded before you looked up to him to your side. He was focusing on the position to take a back turn to get on the road.

"but I was missing you all. You all were gone for so long and I couldn't help but-"

"but to use all the toys that Jeno was hiding in his room. You entered all of our rooms and fucked yourself like a Wolfie in heat when we were out there busy and stressed out with our life and business."

He didn't turn towards you but his dark eyes were focusing on the road ahead. You sinked into your seat and looked outside the window. He glanced to your direction and smiled.

"you trust me, y/n? You trust us, right?" he asked you in a low voice.

"Yes. I trust you all more than everything."

Reaching to the grand gate of the 'The Park Hotel', your stomach twisted in the anticipation of the night ahead. You kept staring at the name which was shining in the dark surrounding. Mark opened the door to your side and offered you his hand, "here, my princess. The one who needs to be punished."

Your shaky hands got in contact with his strong grip and both of you walked towards the entrance.

You have been to such places a lot of times. Basically, any sort of meetings with them means to be you all in such a grand and lavish place but this day was different. Lot more exciting and surprising.

"Oh, finally my dear y/n is here." Jaemin's cheerful voice broke your gaze onto Mark's side profile and moved to the man who was approaching towards you. Mark left your hand before placing a kiss to let you hug Jaemin. You gladly accepted the hug and you realized that how much you have misses them.

"I missed you, Jaemin."

"I missed you too, baby. Were you fine by your own? Was everything too much or you were just having fun?"

"I...I felt lonely. Really, without even one of you. It was pretty much too much for me." you pout in the end.

He patted your head and turned towards Mark and signalled something before both of them smirked at you. You whispered to Mark, "does they know about my situation?"

Jaemin chimed in, "what situation?"

You didn't expect him to hear you but you just shook your head when Mark spoke up, "I don't know what she is talking about, Jaemin. As far as I can see she is in good situation."

Jaemin nodded, "you are looking perfect baby. I like it like that." and took a hold of your hand and kissed the exact same spot where still Mark's kiss from earlier was lingering. He guided you to the table where others were and Mark trailed behind you both.

As soon as you reached the table, they stared at you darkly. All their stares which were very unreadable but were filled with hungry intentions. You flashed a smile towards them. Your throat felt too dry to see them all in one place looking extra perfect. You last saw them in sleepy mood when they left for two months in the middle of the night.

Renjun was the first one to break his strong look into a smile, it was more of a smirk and he walked towards your figure wrapped in a red dress. He bent down to peck your lips catching you off guard,

"you know why you are told to wear the red dress?" he asked you.

You glanced towards Jisung and he raised a eyebrow. You turned back to the man in front and shook your head, "No."

You had only been told that the dress was bought by Jisung and you needed to wear it at the party.

"Aw...so sweet. Didn't know you are so naïve...you are looking so beautiful, exactly how we want to show you off to others." His hands took a hold of your hand and his fingers caressed yours. The fingers trailed up to your forearm and continued to caress the exposed collar bone and neck and rested on your cheek. He smirked before pecking you again.

Jisung left his place and stood beside you two, "I knew the dress would look best on her. This dress was really meant to wear by her. I'm impressed. You are looking like a princess." He leaned to whisper into your ears, "The one that needs to be punished soon." Before retreating himself, he planted a kiss on your ear lobe and on your cheek.

Mark and Jaemin already took their place around the table. Renjun also went back to his chair when Jisung pulled him back to the table. You could feel a piercing gaze on you and when you turned towards the direction from where it felt like was coming, you caught Chenle's eyes. He was watching you like a predator. He was having a wine glass in his hand and a cherry in other hand.

He slowly walked towards you and noticed how your eyes locked to the cherry. He stopped in front of you and raised the cherry. He eyed it intensely and looked towards you. You gulped and held his gaze.

"you are like the cherry on top of the party. You deserve this. Open your mouth." His words so sweet but the tone dipped in venom. A perfect sweet venom.

You obeyed his commands and did what he said. He slowly brought the cherry closer to your lips, almost touching your lower lips and asked, "Do you want it?" without wasting your time, you said, "yes."

He smirked and placed the cherry inside and closing your mouth shut with his hand. He sipped to his drink watching you eating the cherry. He waited for you to throw the seed. All their gazes were fixed on you. He offered a napkin to you. You threw the seed and he brought the wine glass from his lips to yours. "Drink."

You raised your hands to hold the glass. "did I say for you to hold it?" he gripped your jaw and made you drink the little bit of it.

He pecked your now sealed lips. He groaned in satisfaction into the kiss, "Perfect."

Jaemin leaned back into his chair, "Wow. Sexy. That was really hot."

Renjun nodded in compliance and Jisung nodded beside him.

Haechan broke the tensed atmosphere with his groan. "now come here baby and sit down. This table was looking so lonely without the cherry."

Jisung snickered hearing the comment.

You nodded but as soon as you took a step. You gasped and turned towards Mark. He was sipping his drink and staring at you. "what?"

"Mark..."

"Are you going to sit down or not?" Jeno's voice was dark and stern.

"yes." Your shaky legs due to the vibrator in your core led you to the seat between Jeno and Haechan.

You sat in your place and flashed smile towards Haechan, who was on your right.

He chuckled before leaning to you to whisper, "I will see how long this smile will last, sweetheart. This dress is really making you everyone's eye candy. But it's not good for you if people stare at you with hungry eyes."

"But that's not my fault. That's the fault of this dress." Your voice was pressed and broken due to the tingling sensation between your legs. You made a fist above your thigh. Your nails digging into the flesh of your palm.

Haechan unfolded your fist and entangled your fingers with his, "mine. I don't want these soft hands to get bruised now. These are so precious for so many things."

You felt a cold hand placed on your left thigh which was bare due to the starting of the slit of the long dress from top of the thigh. You followed the veiny hands of the man with Black leather jacket similar to Mark but a bit of different designs and patterns all over it.

Your eyes locked with the dark ones of Jeno. His stares were enough to make you cum untouched. Without processing your words, your lips parted to flow out some words, "please Jeno." You can't ever resist the urge to beg to this man. He poked the inside of his cheek and glared at you.

"Behave, Y/n. This is the last warning for tonight."

You pressed your lips tight and clutched your hands in Haechan's hold. Breaking the eye contact with Jeno, you looked at Mark with begging eyes.

"What happened?" He asked you with a smile. You gulped and attempted to speak but the vibrator was now set up to next level. The sudden increase in speed and their eyes on you making you clench around that tiny device and your both hands gripping the two man besides you. One who was already enjoying your tight clutches in his hold and another who had his palm above your thigh and your fingers holding his wrist tight for the dear life.

You closed your eyes tight and lowered your head. Feet curling under the table.

"Look at me." You didn't know who said those words rather your mind didn't register if something was said to you. You were focusing on suppressing your needs between your legs.

"Y/n. I said look at me." Renjun's stern voice made you look up to look at the man across from you. He was glaring at you.

"What happened? Why are you looking down? All the people are watching us." He raised his eyebrows and you shook your head in reply. He scoffed, "then try to behave. Don't act like this in the very beginning."

You were trying to overcome the tensed muscled. Your legs pressed tight and hands in contact with the two beside you on each side.

You averted your eyes to the approaching man towards the table when Renjun spoke up again, "did I tell you to look away?"

"But...I was just..."

"What did I say before coming here? Don't make a sound and be a good girl. Where are your manners, y/n?" Mark asked you in a daring way.

You whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Oh isn't this the dream unit. I'm so glad that you all attended the party. Say my greetings to Taeyong." The man in all white suit greeted them but Renjun still kept an eye contact with you.

Mark scoffed, "when the unit leader is here and you haven't greet properly to him. I won't be giving him your greetings."

The man laughed off the awkward moment and looked at you, "oh a beautiful lady with you all. Who is she?"

Jeno's fingers curled into a fist.

He extended his hand to greet you, "nice to meet you. This is Mr. Lee Sooman."

You broke the eye contact with Renjun and turned towards the man and stood up with a smile. Your jaw clenched due to the shift and the movement made the vibrations in a new position. You could feel their stares and when you shook the hand and introduced yourself, the vibrator was set to another level up.

You breathed out a groan and quickly retreated your hand from the man's grip. You fell back into your seat.

The concerned man asked you, "hey miss! Are you okay."

You couldn't hear anything but just looked down to disappear from his eyes.

Haechan faked smiled towards the man and stated, "I will appreciate if you just leave the personal space. She is our concern and you are not invited here to know about it. You can go and entertain your other guests."

The man pressed his lips in a smile and turned towards the another table.

"And y/n. Why are you acting weird? Can't you behave?" "Hae-Haechan...too too much."

"What's too much? Nothing is too much for you. Just know we are not leaving here until dinner. You are free to have your time."

"What!"

"What's wrong with that? Whatever he is telling is right. We are here for a dinner party and how will it seem to leave the party before dinner." Chenle said and sipped his wine.

Jisung added, "we will have more time to play here."

You had again pressed your legs tight and hands clutching your dress above your knees. Haechan smirked and picked up his wine glass and whispered something to Mark. The latter laughed and shook his head.

"Y/n, I don't like to repeat but you have to look up and act normal. I don't know why you are behaving like this." You could hear Renjun's annoyed statement but you didn't look up. you shook your head and sinked into the seat.

"didn't you hear him? Do you want to get punished...more?" Chenle said and smirked similarly like Renjun beside him.

you licked your lips and tried to form some words but only whimpers and low moans escaped your mouth.

"Don't lick your lips so much. Don't want the lipstick to fade. Do we?" he paused and repeated, "Do we?"

"N-no...Jisung."

"that's a good girl there." He smiled.

"M-mark...please...I-I..."

Jeno tapped your thighs and made you look at him. you were avoiding his eyes and focusing on anything other than any of them.he gripped your jaw and placed a cherry in your mouth

the buzzing between your legs, the bundle of nerves coiled inside your lower stomach and their intense gazes on you was making it difficult for you to control. There were other guests who were glancing at you all, whenever your eyes were falling on them, you gave them your professional smile.

"What is it, baby? I can't hear you. do you need something? can I help you?" Mark's concerning voice earned chuckles from others around the table. he was not concerned, he was enjoying and mocking at you.

"C-can I...Can I please-"

"No." Renjun cut you off.

your wide and confused eyes glanced him and back to Mark who was smirking. you attempted to speak but Mark beat you off.

"you heard what he said...be it like that."

"w-what no...please..."

"what are you even begging for, y/n?" Jisung rested his head on his palm, elbow pressed to the table and gazing intently at you.

you stared at Mark and he looked away.

"he is not even talking to you. I'm asking you something so you better reply me before you get on my nerves." Jisung scoffed in the end of his statement.

"I.." you were visibly panting, your knuckles turned white for the pressure you were balling your fist. "I...It's too much...please...please...I can't hold it anymore...please..."

chenle laughed and asked you, "what you can't hold anymore? you are not even holding your wine glass. are you gonna..." he raised his eyebrows and didn't complete the sentence but sipped his drink, holding his gaze with your shaky orbs.

"please...M-Mark...please..."

you were using your whole energy not to come without his permission but he was just reluctantly joking with Chenle and Haechan. you didn't even know from where he was operating his remote. both of his hands were on the table. in one hand, he was checking his phone often and with other hand he was eating the pastries, different fruits or drinking his wine.

where is the remote?

"what are you asking for?" he asked you with amusement filled eyes.

"fuck-"your whispered curse turned into silent whines when suddenly the vibrator got turned off.

Jaemin smiled and brought your attention towards him, "why were you cursing? didn't Mark tell you not to make any sound?"

"please...Jaemin..."

"What? now you are asking me? I can't help you with anything." he smirked and leaned back, placing his hand behind his head.

Jeno grabbed your neck and pulled you towards him with a smile. if anyone watching the scene would find it romantic and think he is teasing you and flirting with you. but in reality, he brought your face closer to his and eyes scanned your face with touch up of glittery eyeshadows and blush but a look of frustration visible on top of it. the frustration of denial.

"pathetic. you never miss a chance to take away my breath." he groaned in the end.

A hand ran down your spines, sending chills to your body and the owner of the hand whispered into your ears, "did you want to come before?"

You hastily turned towards your other side with shocked eyes to see Haechan faking an innocent look towards you. "why?"

"why? I didn't do anything. Do you think I could do such a thing?" he said it out loud so that others could listen to him and then he again leaned to your ears, "I would have done worse."

his hands were still resting on your bare back and and the other man’s hand on your thighs from earlier returned. both of them drawing patterns on your burning skin, making you squirm in your place.

"what happened? are you excited for something?" you shook your head to Chenle's comment.

you took deep breathes but they came out as shaky due to both of them on your either side sliding their hands over your bare skin.

Chenle clanked his glass with a spoon to gain your attention, few people nearby your table turned their heads towards you all and you felt embarrassed but still managed to send a tight smile. few recognized that the dream unit was sitting near them, bowed towards them in greetings. you took a napkin and dabbed it on your face to wipe off the sweat lining and sipped the wine.

"where is the remote?" you asked in a challenging way towards Mark.

"woah...somebody is acting too strong now." Jisung said and laughed.

"and that was not the smart move." Jeno's voice was low and heavy beside you.

the same vibrator turned on again but this time it was already set on a higher level. you groaned and almost moaned out but quickly looked around to see if anyone heard you or not. there was horror in your eyes and you didn't know if you would be allowed to come this time but still there was a desperation in your body. their hot touch, their eyes on you and their teasing voices were not helping you to distract yourself from the wet pool between your legs. similarly, like before you pressed your legs tight and hands balled above your thighs and jaw clenched to restrict any sort of noise to escape your throat.

"let's make it a little bit more fun. what do you say guys?"

"and what you want, Haechan?" Jaemin asked while looking up from the phone. he was recording your expressions when the set up increased by a level. Haechan hummed beside you as if he was in a deep thought but someone's voice made you look at him.

"put your hands on the table." Renjun commanded you but your movements were too slow for the patience of the man beside you. Jeno grabbed your hands and put them on them table, planting a kiss on the fingers and delicately placed them on the table and whispered, "these hands are mine because you are mine."

the dark voice and the authority in his voice pushed you to clench again and the feelings of the coiling of the knots from earlier started to return back. you curled your fingers only to get a light hit from Haechan.

"act normal. don't make a fist......um...drink the wine and also the pastry." Jisung smirked on ending his orders.

"W-what? I c-cant...no no."

"did you just say no to me?" he poked his inner cheek with tongue and placed a toothpick between his teeth.

you took a bite of the pastry. it was your favorite one and most delicious one but this moment you were in nowhere to appreciate the food. your shaky hands raised your glass in your grip and Haechan clanked his glass with yours, sending you a wink before sipping into it.

"she is doing much more than only clenching her fist. open your legs."

you shook your head to Jaemin's command.

"y/n...Open. Your. Legs." Jaemin was having literal fire in his eyes and if he ever acts this way means he was not in the mood of entertaining anything at the moment.

you had to obey his orders. you broke their rules and now you had to face the consequences. you had no other option than to do what he said. you slowly parted your thighs only for the vibrator to get shift a bit and you gasped out loud but thankfully no one noticed it except the boys surrounding you.

"you are looking pathetic at this point but still...I'm addicted seeing you like this."

Haechan will say everything just to push you towards the climax and you were trying your best to act deaf to his words.

"If we didn't have brought you here then think about us, we would have been bored so much. unlike you who would have taken the situation to her advantage." Mark stated and rolled his eyes.

Chenle nodded, "that's true. someone really doesn't care how good I fuck her. how I own her but in the end only disappointing me."

Jeno tsked beside you and added, "I need to get it in her head tonight that who is the one in control. Sometimes she tends to forget everything and I should take the honor to remind her place and who owns her."

He leaned to your ears and his hand on your thigh gripped the flesh tightly, leaving red hand marks and other hand on your bare back, a finger tracing the spinal cord. His breaths hitting your earlobe and the vibration reaching to your core, "close your eyes baby. I said close means you will close it at the instance."

you did as he told you. rest of their eyes following you two. Thankfully, your table was in the end corner and not so crowded there. of course, no one would dare to come across NCT's table. even if they are the dream unit, the two wild brothers of Taeyong are on this table so there was still a fear of the aggressiveness of the gang.

"Imagine you are sitting on my lap on this chair. my hard dick buried deep inside. pumping into you and ripping you into two parts. your teary eyes and bouncy tits." he groaned into your ears and his hand on your thigh trailed upward, near to your vibrating zone, tracing the bikini line over the dress. "think the way i would have fucked you so nice and full unlike this tiny device. you begging me to dont stop-"

"please...dont stop..."

he chuckled and continued, "cut my words again and am going to bend you down over this table and fuck you insane."

the thought of him fucking your brains out made you squirm in your place.

Renjun chuckled, "someone is excited too much."

Jeno hummed into your ears, "are you near? Is that tiny one giving you the pleasure like I give you?"

"n-no"

"Is it filling you full?"

"n-no"

"open your eyes."

you quickly did because you were reaching your climax soon and he was keeping you on the edge. you didnt want to cause anything more trouble to them to deny your orgasm again.

"will you be satisfied with it...in place of me?"

"No!"

your protest was a broken and muffled cry. he placed a small piece of pastry inside your mouth. he wiped the cream from the corner of your mouth and licked his finger. the device was again got turned off by them and you were denied the second orgasm of the night.

you were breathing heavily and panting while gulping the pastry. Jisung offered you a glass of water. "are you okay?"

you shook your head and gulped down the water.

"why? what happened?" Chenle's concerned voice.

your teary eyes locked with his, "please...why...why...I...need to go to washroom."

"do you think we are stupid?" Renjun almost laughed in the end of the statement.

"No...I need to use it....really."

"Okay. I will go with her." Jisung stood up quickly to guide you to the exact direction. you glanced a nervous look towards your table when Jaemin winked at you. He mouthed you to smile and you smiled while making your way away from the table. you both came across a lot of known people and you were happy to meet them after a long time. you mentally thanked that they haven't turned on the device this time and you didn't have to embarrass yourself.

you definitely didn't took much time inside the stall because you didn't have a choice but as soon as you exited it, you came face to face with Jisung leaning against the marble counter and whistling at you.

"isn't this my pretty baby looking so delicious in the red dress."

"Thanks for the dress, Ji."

he nodded and you went beside him to wash your hands. he back hugged you and locked his eyes with yours in the mirror.

"I just want to rip this dress off from you. but I can wait for the night. maybe the dress is expensive enough to tear off but I don't even care about that, " he turned you around and pressed himself closer to you, his fingers traced your face, "but I care to break you down under me. my baby. you are the most expensive thing in my life."

"you hate me?"

he laughed, "why will I hate you? because you broke that rule? Silly, breaking that rule doesn't even matter because in the end I will get you for myself. But we are having a little fun here today. I love you, Y/n. Are you not enjoying?"

"I love you too, Jisung...but this is too much for me...People might be watching us and they might find it weird."

"really doesn't matter. let them think whatever they want to. you only have to focus on us."

"I missed you so much." you said and hugged him.

he returned the hug and patted your back, "me too baby."

you both heard a knock and he groaned. he ignored it and kissed you but it was just a peck, his lips trailed down to your jaw and neck. he inhaled your perfume and groaned in satisfaction, one hand pumped your clothed breast and bit you soft on the soft skin at your sweet spots and you moaned out his name. he smiled and returned back to peck you again.

Hearing some repeating knocks after ignoring some before, he took a hold of your hand and you checked yourself in the mirror for any marks left behind before he unlocked the door.

the woman standing there gave you weird look and Jisung noticed it.

"Listen here 'who-is-giving-looks', before you judge anything about my wife. you need to know who's wife she is and who she is. she is too precious to receive looks from you so take that eyes down or somewhere else. I dont want those dirty eyes on her."

the woman apologized and entered the washroom. you both walked towards the table.

"you didn't have to say her like that."

"she deserved it. why will she give you a disgusting look? you are perfect. she is nowhere like you." Jisung pulled you towards the table.

"took long enough. did you guys have your little fun or what?" Chenle wiggled his brows. Jisung shook his head while taking his seat and you sat in your exact place between the ones, who were too excited to get you back for their torture.

"maybe I could have but the interruption had ruined it all."

"awe poor jisungie."

He glared at Chenle.

"but I can have my own fun later. i want myself to take that dress off from her."

"You looked like the center of the party when you walked across the room just now. I must say the choice for the red dress was perfect." Renjun said and gave you smile.

"Thanks, Renjun."

He nodded and then the servants served you the dinners. you heard the others talking to Jisung that they met some of the guests while you were gone.

there were a lot variety of dinners and you were really not hungry because of the frustration in your stomach. you eyed the foods and Jaemin noticed your disinterested face.

"I don't want to hear that you won't be eating anything. you have a habit of skipping meals often and today you can't do this in front of me atleast."

your protest was shut by his glare.

Jeno placed some foods in your plate as he knows the things you love and not. of course, all of them are aware of this.

"you all are looking handsome." your sudden compliment made them pause. some smirked and some smiled at you.

"I know I'm looking too good because earlier the way you were boring hole to myside while driving. I thought you would launch at me and I will have to fuck you in the way here."

"Yah! Mark. don't say like this when we are eating." he laughed at your whining voice.

Jeno patted your head and urged you to continue eating.

you still had the doubt, 'who has the remote?'

When you all finished the eating, there was an announcement for a thirty minutes late night show. you all chatted for a while at your table and it was just a normal conversation among you all. many other known faces from earlier greeted you all and had conversations with you all.

you were resting your head on Haechan's shoulder and Jeno was playing with your fingers when Haechan whispered, "when the lights will turn off, you will show me the magical work of your hands."

you looked around the table to see no one was paying attention to what he was saying, "what? no Haechan. there people around us. this is not good."

"oh baby! trust me no one will catch us in the dark. if you don't do what i say then you will get more punishments."

you gulped and nodded.

you extended your hand to take the wine glass but it slipped from your hand and you gasped, earning chuckles from around the table. thankfully, the glass didn't have much wine but enough to make a mess around the glass. Jeno quickly wiped the liquid before it could roll to anywhere.

"shit! someone is making a mess." Mark mocked at you. you watched how Jaemin was again recording you in his phone like before.

you pressed Jeno's hand for the vibrator was on the highest level. you didn't think you would last long enough this time. as on the cut, the lights got turned off. everybody cheered and suddenly you felt Jeno's fingers hovering over your heat, just above the vibrator.

"please...please...Jeno...please..."

"I really can't hear you right now, the show will begin just now so focus on it."

"what no- Jeno-"

Haechan held your hand and guided it to just above the tent in his pant.

"you feel this. this is because of you so let the show begin." he quickly opened the button of his jeans and freed his painfully red length. he was in an awkward posture, if the lights suddenly gets turned on, he might could get caught but he really didnt care about that and brought your hands to the tip of it.

"Ah fuck- y/n...your little touch makes me want you so bad. gonna fuck you so bad."

"hae...haechan...I can't do it." you shakily whispered.

"hush love. you can even if your orgasm is keeping you on hook. you need to keep quiet for me and do it." haechan wrapped your fingers around his member and moved it up and down in slow movements. he threw his head back and inhaled sharply.

"keep going."

"but-"

"keep quiet and start moving your hand. make me cum before the show ends."

your stomach twisted, you literally forgot your other hand holding Jeno's wrist. he pressed his palm over the device and pressed it, earning a loud moan from you. the music from the show was loud enough to silent your moans.

"Jeno...no...no...too much."

"is it?" he pressed it more and started circling it around the area. "and now?"

you nodded and your other hand jerking off Haechan's length. he was leaning on your shoulders and cursing in your earss, sending jolt to your core where the other was torturing you. You were about to shout to see Jaemin under the table between your legs and pulling off the table cover, smiling at you but jeno was quick to shut you up.

"hello princess. I am hungry for my dessert after the dinner. you will give me what I want, right?"

you nodded but didn't know what you actually agreed to. The man under the table smirked that his brother was torturing your clit with the pressure and when his gaze followed your hand, he chuckled.

"oh I see, here someone is having their little fun. that's not fair."

haechan rolled his eyes, "you can do ah- whatever you like. I won't complain b-but let me have my fun. fuck- y/n keep going like that."

"oh brother trust me. I am here for it."

Jaemin pushed your dress up, enough to get a free access to your clit and watched the vibrator doing its job. Jeno's hand trailed up to message your breasts and kiss your shoulders and nape. he didn't only kiss but also bit some areas.

"J-jeno"

"Hush...keep quiet..."

Jaemin asked Jeno and Haechan to hold your legs apart and he pushed your panty aside. he took off the vibrator and pressed it on a new place which made you gasped. you locked your eyes with Mark in the dark. he smirked at you before turning away.

Jaemin inserted a finger inside you and you literally cried out. the show would have stopped if Haechan was not quick enough to shut your mouth. you silently cried and sobbed in their hold. Jaemin inserted one more finger and you moaned into the palm placed over your mouth.

"I...am gonna cum...cum...please" your pleads were muffled and you lost the rhythm to Haechan. he gripped your hand tight and guided you. he was near and so were you. he forced your hand to go faster and soon he let out a deep groan into your ears and came undone.

"fuck...that was so good."

And at the same time Jaemin attached his mouth to your core, making you squirm in your place. his tongue was flat to your core at first and then he played with your bud and sucking it off. his fingers, mouth and vibrator was making your mind go blank and you were blabbering nonsense.

Jeno bit on your shoulder and kissed away the pain and then asked you, "are you near? Is Jaemin making you feel good?"

"Yes..yes Jeno...Jaemin is making me feel too good." your hands grip Jaemin's hair and his groan vibrated in your core and tears falling from your eyes. "please...please...let me cum...please..."

Haechan chimed in, "I think the princess needs a reward for keeping quiet enough." he had again tucked his shirt and put on the pant properly.

Jaemin smiled into your core, "Go ahead, princess. give me my sweet delicious dessert." his hands left red marks in your inner thighs and you were sure the other two's hands were also tight enough to leave marks.

as soon as you got the permission, you came. You saw white and threw your head back earning a kiss from Jeno on your head, it felt as if Jaemin sucked out your soul from the core. he licked off all the juices and removed the vibrator. his tongue still on you was overstimulating you and you bit your lips.

you looked down to catch Jaemin's eyes. He smiled at you, "I like it like that."

"My god we are twisted. you don't know what are the things we feel to do with you whenever we see you." Jeno nearly breathed out the words. he was having a tent in his pant and when your hands move to touch him, he held them in place and shook his head.

Jaemin returned to his place and Haechan pulled down your dress and dry off your sweat with tissues.

the light turned on and everybody clapped. you clapped slowly without even knowing what had happened during the show. but as soon as you turned your head, you caught Renjun's dark and sharp eyes.

everybody stood up and he walked towards you, extending his hand to make you stand. you all said your goodbyes and walked over to the cars.

Chenle and Jisung chose Jeno's car and Jaemin tagged along. that's leaving you with Renjun and Haechan to get into Mark's car.

Haechan sat in the passenger seat. he was too excited to get back home and Mark chuckled seeing him while he entered inside the driver's seat.

Renjun sat with you in the backseat.

as soon as the doors were closed and engine started. Renjun pulled you over his lap.

You yelped in surprise and he showed you a very familiar device in his hold. You didn’t expect that the remote was with him all along this time.

"you had fun with those three. now you will give me one right?" Renjun asked you and traced the hickey marks left by Jeno. you previously had covered them with your hairs but this man pushing away the hairs and eyeing those marks. "you are literally marked as ours. my love you drive me crazy."

he pushed your dress up and pulled down your panty. your bare ass visible to the men in front. they both groaned at the scene.

"don't distract me much or I will park the car anywhere to get my turn." the man from driver's seat said and chuckled.

"cry for it, Mark but we are going home. if you park the car, I am leaving you there and will drive off to the house."

"fuck you."

"gladly."

Renjun undid his pants and freed himself. he groaned and pumped his dick with the precums over it. He watched you eyeing his movements and grabbed your neck. "Ride me. okay, y/n?"

you nodded and he guided you to sit on his length. you were already dripping from the release of earlier and the new stretch burnt out the soft flesh of yours. you cried out but he kissed away the tears. you slowly started moving and gripped his shoulders.

"I want to see you but I can't take this dress off because someone else has already claimed it."

he urged you to go faster and you literally started to bounce on his lap. he groaned and moaned out. you could hear groans from the front seat as well. Renjun brought his hand from your neck to the throat and put pressure to the sides of it. you gasped but still continued to bounce.

he increased the pressure and you almost choked but it didn't hurt you much, he was quick to release for you to breathe fore few seconds only to put pressure again. another hand holding your hips in place.

"fuck- ah-"

he was near and you felt yourself near as well.

he pushed himself up inside you and you were crying. you were clenching around him for your release.

"Cum baby. I k-know y-you want to cum."

you came and rested your forehead on his shoulder. he removed his hand from your throat and again held your neck keeping you on his shoulder. His thrust increased its' pace and you whimpered for the overstimulation.

"make those sounds in my ear more. I-I'm not going to stop anytime soon."

"too much..."

"hush last one...take it."

the thrusts were rough and uneven and soon he came inside you and he kissed your shoulder.

"you did well."Renjun said and combed your hairs.

"please I want to sleep. no more today please."

"okay baby. sleep. but remember we are nowhere near the finish line."Renjun chuckled in your ears. he didn't pull out yet but when you whimpered, he detached from you and pulled your dress down. he did his pant again and rested your head on his shoulder.

you closed your eyes but still could hear Haechan's voice.

"oh darling! today night we will have so much more fun. I'm waiting for it."

They all cheered and said, "I like it like that."

but Renjun whispered into your ears, "if you reach your limits you know what to call us."

before dozing off, you mumbled,

"119."

Im planning to do this fic on NCT 127 and WAY-V. So please tell me whether you want this on the other units. Of course the scenario will be a little bit different.

(Do let me know if you liked it or not…this is a kind of fic I wanted to write but didn’t know how to. So here it is. Please give it a reblog in appreciation.)

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @sexygrass @minkyuncutie @loveforred

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flamingpudding · 7 months

Text

Fictober23 Prompt: 29 - "That's all? Easy."

Fandom: DPxDC

Rating: G

Warnings: -

A/N: I sometimes like to headcannon that Danny is actually a rich kid that doesn't live the rich kid style cause his parents use their money for their research and like to live a simple life. He goes to galas Vlad or Sam drag him to as his parents representative.

Damian had been prepared for another boring Gala to go through. His elder siblings as well as Pennyworth had made sure to take away any sharp blade he had on him beforehand. With the blades gone Damian refused to socialize with high society. What was the point in enduring the torture of pinched cheeks and repeating comments with double meanings and hidden insults as well as the 'boot' lickers, as one of his brothers liked to put it, when he wasn't allowed to return the favor these people were giving him with a quick blade swipe.

So Damian was hanging back, retreating to the corners and shadows of the room where people aside from his family wouldn't notice him. But being there gave him the chance to notice something else. At first Damian didn't think much of it but with the minutes passing he noticed it more and more.

Small colorful page markers.

He started tracking them. Eyes going from person to person as he scanned them for these markers. Always in spots and placements oneself wouldn't notice them on their own as well as by others around them. Sometimes they were even Color matched with the person's outfit.

Damian scanned the hall and his eyes landed on a teenager, younger than Drake but older than him. The other boy was gliding through the people seemingly effortlessly and unnoticed towards the snack table. Once there the teen appeared to be interested in what sort of food the gala was offering.

His eyes narrowed as he eyed the people the teen had passed.

A blue marker by the belt loop of an older gentleman.

Red marker on the purse of the lady dressed in purple.

Green marker on another man's vest.

He was sure these markers weren't on them before. Interesting, he missed before moving towards the teenager by the snack table. The boy by now had piled up one of the small plates high with some of the overhead foods and Damian first felt reminded of everting Todd went to a gala and immediately would go for the foods.

"You are quite sneaky." He spoke up after waiting somewhat politely for the other to acknowledge his presence. Which never happened even after five minutes and Damian having clearly seen the other looking at him from his corner of the eye.

"Oh, what do you mean?" The teen then said after swallowing a bite of food.

"I presume the page markers are what you're doing?"

"Damit, not even an hour in and I am already busted." The teenager muttered and Damian arched an eyebrow. "Look, I don't know whose rich kid you are but will stop as long as you don't tell the fruitloop. I am here to represent my parents and if this fruitloop hears I am playing the game Sam invented for these galas he will-"

"I believe you misunderstood my intention." Damian smirked as he held out a hand. "My family found it adequate to take my blades. So I want in on this 'game' you are playing."

The teenager blinked at Damian before a grin spread across his face. He hurriedly placed his plate on the table before rummaging around in one of his pockets."Well that is a nice change! Your not a stuck up like the other kids here."

A block of green, red and blue page markers were then placed in Damians held out hand. "I am Danny Fenton by the way, representative of Fentonworks."

"Damian Wayne." He answered out of reflex as he inspected the page markers given to him, uncaring if the teen would now start fawning over his last name like he had seen others do before.

"Cool. So want to make it more interesting? This is more fun in a two player setting then one player." Damian inclined his head, not letting the surprise of the other teens lack of reaction towards his name show. Well it looked like Daniel, because what else got the name Danny stand for, would be nice company for this gala.

"Let's make specific targets for each other, maybe even placements. Sam always dares me to do specific things. If one of us gets caught is an automatic loss, the one with the highest successful placements at the end of this gala is the winner."

He smirked. Daniel had no chance, a game like this was easy for him. This was going to be an easy win. His league training as well as the training his father had made him go through was going to give him a clear advantage. He was playing with the thought of giving Daniel a chance by not using certain skills but after the first three targets, Damian decided that that would be unnecessary.

The gala went by faster, the two pointing out specific people or placements of the marketers to each other. They both had surprisingly their fair share of failures as well as success. In the end they both had a draw and were on their last page marker to place.

"This is going to be the final decision between, win, loss or draw." Daniel hyped up the game and Damian shook his head lightly at the others foolishness that reminded him of Jon.

"Well then, it would be only right to select the most difficult targets for each other."

"Well if that's the case, see the guy over there, the one with gray hair and a ponytail? That's the fruitloop. Place your last marker right to the left on his lower back, where his jacket covers over his belt."

Damian arched an eyebrow but the teen only grinned. He smirked if the other wanted to make it apparently difficult then Damian could provide him with a real challenge. "For you target, my father is currently talking to this 'fruitloop' as you call him. Place the marker on his back on his left shoulder blade."

Daniel would not be able to so, his father was vigilant and despite his act, very aware of his surroundings. His newly made gala acquaintance would fail and Damian would be the winner of this game.

"That's all? Easy."

The two boy's started to move towards the two adults. They shared one last glance before splitting up slightly in two different directions to approach their targets. Damian was close, his steps silent as he neared his target the 'fruitloop'. The page marker was tagged to the tip of one of his fingers. Once he was close enough he would be able to place it without even having to get too close.

His father noticed him and Damian gave him a polite smile as he moved like he was going to pass the man in his way towards his father. He did however not anticipate for his target to place his hand on the hip obscuring his target placement. Damian's hand instantly hid his hand behind his back transferring the page tag to his other hand and unconsciously clicked his tongue. He would have to try again.

"Fruitloop! Who are you talking to?!" He heard Daniel shout out of nowhere suddenly, his head wiping around to see the other clapping his hand on his fathers shoulder. The shoulder where he had told the other to place the marker. Damian ground his teeth. He was not going to accept a loss here.

"Daniel! Where are your manners?! This is Bruce Wayne. CEO of Wayne Enterprise. I am so sorry Mr.Wayne."

"No worries Mr.Masters. He is just like how my sons were at his age. It is good for teens to be so full of energy."

Damian narrowed his eyes as the other teen gave him a peace sign and mouthed the words 'I won.' As the adults returned to their discussion Damian glared at Daniel, his last page tag crumpled in his hand, he switched to stand on his fathers other side so that he was next to the teen now.

"I demand a rematch." He hissed agitated, to which Daniel only grinned wider. "Sure. The next time we see each other at a gala again. I will have two packs ready for our rematch."

Later that night when Damian had returned home from the Gala, he took off his jacket only to notice something green peaking through the folds of it. As he lifted it to inspect where the Color on it game from his eyes narrowed and his grip on the jacket tightened. On his jacked he found several green page markers tagged on it one of them even had a little ghost drawn on it. "Well played Fenton, well played."

#fictober23 #danny fenton #dp x dc #danny phantom #dpxdc #crossover #dcxdp #damian wayne #Vlad masters #bruce wayne #Danny and Sam play a game with page markers during galas #Danny was playing it alone #until Damian noticed and wanted in on it #if he can't stab rude people #then he can at least tag them with page markers #headcannon that Danny is a rich kid too #he just lives simpler than Sam #his parents have to have some money to finance their research #Damian and Danny are just having some fun during the gala #gala shenanigans #Bruce knows Danny placed something on his should he just can't react on it for his Brucie act #Vlad was just in the middle of explaining something when he placed his hand on the hip #he had no idea that Danny was playing that game again #Damian now wants a rematch #the next gala they meet on is going to be fun

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cierai · 4 months

Text

MAKE UP FOR IT — ft. sakusa kiyoomi

warnings — none

for the fourth night in a row kiyoomi had to cancel date night. or as the both of you have been saying “rain check”. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t upset, but you understood. whenever he had last minute practice or team meeting he couldn’t help it.

you knew after the second night he cancelled when he’d do it again by the look in his face. he made the same face every time. his eyebrows pressed together as he stared at his phone and his face dropped. he glanced from the phone to you before turning it off and putting in his pocket.

sakusa inhaled deeply preparing to let out a heavy sigh but you stopped him before he could. “rain check?” you say as you began to take off your earrings. you guys had plan to go out to dinner this time. you wore your best outfit and put on a new pair of earrings kiyoomi had bought for you.

“i’m sorry.” he starts as he steps towards you and grabs your hands in his firmly. “it’s okay i’ll be fine, we’ll just try again another night,” you smile as his thumbs rub circles on the backs of your hands.

that was the same thing he did next two times it happened. you didn’t even want to rain check anymore. when kiyoomi was about to suggest it, you began to act casually. “it’s fine i’m just gonna head to bed, i’ll see you in the morning.” you dismissed yourself. as soon as you feel like you were out of his line of sight your mouth formed into a frown.

“oh okay, i love you.” your boyfriend said and you smiled before your turn and face him . “i love you too.” kiyoomi gives you one last apologetic glance before he leaves and that was the last time you thought you’d see him that night.

at almost 12 AM you woke up to kiyoomi rubbing your shoulder and calling your name. “y/n, wake up i have something for you.” your vision was blurred and distorted from the darkness of your room.

rubbing your eyes didn’t help much with your sight but your boyfriend noticed this and turned the bedside lamp on. “babe here,” he whispers as he grabs your hands to help you sit up. “what is it?” you said, your voice raspy.

“i have something to show you, come on.” he urges you once more and you finally process that you’re awake and agree to follow him.

the tall dark haired male leads you by your intertwined hands out of your bedroom and to the patio in your backyard.

you gasp almost immediately at the sight. “when did you have time to do this?” you ask as your hand slips out of his and you inch towards the beautiful setup on the patio.

there were string lights hanging around the backyard and your eyes were lit up in awe. “when i got home and you were asleep,” he tells you and you frown at kiyoomi before pulling him into a hug.

“i love you, you know that right?” you say before placing a kiss on to his soft cheek. “i would hope so,” he squints and his soft lips meet your forehead. “i love you too,” he smiles “and this is my apology for missing date night. i wanted to make it up to you.” he explains while grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the little dinner set up.

as the two of you sat down you continued to stared at the set up in shock. there were some of your favorite meals and appetizers, along with snacks you loved. “wow you went all out!” you mused reaching for a snack.

“do you forgive me?” kiyoomi asked, sliding his hand out of yours and to your thigh. “we’ll see,” you shrug while taking a bite out of your treat. “we’ll see?” he repeated back to you confused.

“yeah, we’ll see how the rest of the night plays out.”

needless to say the rest of the night plays out well. so well in fact, you wake up the next morning in nothing but kiyoomi’s shirt. before you, he wakes up and sees the marks left down his chest in the mirror before he heads in for practice.

reblogs are appreciated

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kiarastromboli · 6 months

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You’re mine (Chris Sturniolo x y/n)

Masterlist.

Warning: smut content, drug mention, toxic relationship, argument, rough sex.

Summary: y/n and Chris are in a toxic relationship, and y/n is about to tell him that she wants to end it.

Note: This fanfic is entirely inspired by a past relationship I had. I want to emphasize that I'm writing it as a way to talk about my experiences and for fun. If you're in a similar relationship, please, for your well-being, escape. Don't let anyone, under any circumstances, treat you this way. It's destructive, trust me, it's not worth it.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Here I am again on a Thursday night at 12:30 AM, sneaking out to see the boy I promised to stop seeing.

I'm pathetic; it only took one message for me to go against my principles, and now I find myself making the same mistake that I've been repeating for over a year.

But this time is different; tonight, I'm going to end this toxic relationship once and for all.

The boy I'm talking about? Chris, a guy from my high school with whom I've been in a secret relationship for a little over a year.

It all started when he replied to one of my Instagram stories. At the time, I had no idea how much of an asshole this guy was. I was naive and carefree, smoking joints with my friends to have fun, and I only knew Chris by sight.

He hung out with the "cool" people at school—the ones my friends and I desperately tried to become by smoking and adopting a delinquent attitude.

When Chris responded to my story, telling me he found me cute, I couldn't believe my eyes. No one really paid attention to me despite all the effort I put in.

Anyway, after a bit of conversation and some innuendos, I eventually understood what he wanted from me: to hook up. And, to be honest, that was enough for me. I was ready to settle for just that if it meant being closer to him.

That same night, I sneaked out to smoke a joint with him, and I discovered a whole new Chris, far from the one I saw at school.

He was funny, attentive, nice, caring, and very open. I quickly felt comfortable with him; the connection was great. Eventually, we ended up sleeping together in his room.

I had sex with a guy before him, but it didn't go well, and I didn't know much about it. Chris was super understanding and took his time with me. He helped me discover my body and taught me how to please myself and him.

Our relationship helped me become more comfortable with myself. Chris always took the time to kiss every inch of my body to make me understand how beautiful he found me.

"You're so beautiful, Y/n."

"I forbid you to have any complexes; you're perfect."

"Look at yourself; you're gorgeous."

You're probably wondering why our relationship is toxic if Chris helped me so much. Well, the thing is, our relationship has always been a double-edged sword. When the doors were closed, and it was just him and me, everything was fine. He only had eyes for me, complimented me, and listened attentively. But as soon as we were in public, everything changed.

I wish he had just ignored me because he didn't want to acknowledge our relationship, and that was the case at the beginning. But it went much further than that over time.

At first, he ignored me at school, and it hurt a little, but I signed up for it. He made it clear he didn't want anyone to know about us, so I had no say in the matter.

But over time, his friends and mine became friends, and we started hanging out together before, during, and after classes.

That's when things took a different turn. I knew I had to keep a low profile, so I tried to keep my distance from him without looking suspicious when our friends hung out together. However, he started acting strangely.

Whenever I opened my mouth to say something, he hurried to cut me off, diverting attention to himself, making me look like a fool.

Whenever he had the chance, he made more or less hurtful comments about me to amuse the group.

"What's with this outfit? You look like a clown."

"Are you naturally stupid, or did it come with time?"

"You know, you can hide behind all the makeup you want; we still see your face underneath."

In short, he acted like a real jerk when people were around, and in parties, it was even worse. He would grab my attention and then proceed to hook up with other girls right in front of me, as if to provoke me.

He spent all his time humiliating me. The thing is, it happened gradually. It started with a few tasteless jokes from time to time, so I never really took the initiative to defend myself. I don't know why, but I already felt like a fool, and I didn't want to worsen my situation.

At first, I tried talking to him privately to understand why he did that, why he treated me like his princess in private but like a dog the rest of the time. And his responses were always the same.

"Babe, don't stress; it's just how we joke around with my friends."

"It's not a big deal; I just had a bit too much to drink. It happens."

"I treat you the same way I treat my friends so that we don't look suspicious. You know very well that I don't mean any of what I say in front of them, Y/n."

And after that, he would kiss me and make me forget everything with a few caresses. I blamed myself for being so weak, but he was so good with me.

I felt alive and considered with him. No one looked at me the way he did, and no one treated me like he did. But what I hated more than anything was the way I belonged to him while knowing that he didn't belong to me at all.

"You're mine, Y/n; I don't want any other guys putting their hands on you."

"We're not together; I have the right to see other people."

"Who the fuck was that guy in your story this morning?"

I found it cute that he was jealous, but I quickly understood that it was just possessiveness. I was his trophy, and he loved knowing that I adored him, maintaining this destructive little link between us.

I struggled to realize that it was bad for me; I idealized him so much that I normalized his awful behavior towards me. I reached a point where I thought it was the price to pay for having such a perfect guy by my side.

I know it sounds insane, and you probably judge me, but when I met Chris, I was not doing well. I felt bad, lost, and he helped me appreciate life again. He helped me with my body and mind, treated me like a princess, and I was ready to endure all of this not to lose what he gave me.

It was like a drug; without him, I was doing very badly. As long as he was there, everything was better, but I knew it was destroying me, and I knew it was bad. However, cutting ties with him meant giving up on my happiness, and I didn't have the strength for that.

I began to realize how bad it was on the day I broke down publicly with him, during a party with our friends.

Start of the flashback:

What a shitty night; I'm wasted, and Chris shows up with another one of his girls. I don't want to see him; he disgusts me.

I headed to the kitchen to take another shot when I felt hands wandering on my hips. I immediately turned around in surprise to find a Chris even more drunk than me. "Oh my god, Chris, don't touch me," I spat out, rolling my eyes before removing his hands from me.

He chuckled before leaning into my ear to say, "She doesn't suck as well as you, you know?" I felt anger boiling inside me; I pushed him away before starting to walk towards the terrace where the others were.

"Hey, I'm kidding; it's fine, don't make a scene for that, Y/n," he said, grabbing my wrist as I reached the door leading to the terrace.

"Damn it, let go of me, you asshole," I said, opening the door and breaking free from his grip. "Go to hell, Chris," I shouted, unintentionally drawing the attention of others to us.

Chris clenched his jaw and shot me a hateful look when he realized that everyone was fully focused on us. "Stop acting like a bitch and giving a show in front of everyone, Y/n; I don't have time for your bullshit," he snapped, and everyone around us sighed, shocked.

I felt tears welling up. "Damn it, what's your problem with me? Just leave me alone!" I said before breaking down and leaving the party.

End of the flashback.

After that night, nothing was the same. I hated him in public, always making a promise to myself not to go see him again, until he sent a message, and I caved.

It was always the same, the same message, "Come smoke a joint with me." I said no the first time, he insisted, promising it was just to smoke a joint. I'd give in, we'd smoke, end up sleeping together, and again, I'd go back home annoyed at myself for succumbing once more. Secretly, I hoped that the next day, when we met in class, he'd treat me well. But it never happened; he always ended up treating me like crap, and the cycle continued when he sent another message.

A damn vicious circle I tried to break free from as best I could, and for a while, I succeeded. Three months had passed without giving in. Three months of ignoring his messages. But tonight, I allowed myself to go back because I wanted to tell Chris that it was officially over. I found a guy, and I was determined to forget Chris in the arms of this guy I had met a few weeks ago.

I knew it wasn't right, and I had promised not to go back, but it was stronger than me. I couldn't wait to give him a taste of his own medicine, to see his face when he learned the news. Yes, I was acting out of revenge, but you couldn't blame me; he had ruined my life for over a year. I had the right to get back at him.

Anyway, here I am, after a 15-minute walk, in front of his house. I knew where the keys were hidden; I was used to coming here. I stealthily entered his house, being careful not to wake up his parents or siblings. I headed to his room and stopped in front of his door.

Oh my god, what am I doing? Suddenly, stress invaded me, memories flooding back. I thought I was over this, but now, standing in front of his door again, all those good moments rushed back, only accelerating my heartbeat.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. It was too late; I was already here. I opened the door and closed it behind me, making sure to put the towel at the bottom to prevent the smell of weed from escaping his room.

I took a deep breath, memories swirling in my head—the smell of weed and his deodorant, the green glow of his LEDs, his slightly messy room—nothing had changed. Chris was slouched in the chair at his desk, shirtless, and hair disheveled. He had just finished rolling a joint, looked up at me, and I saw the smirk that I hadn't seen in ages. "Long time no see around here, princess."

"Yeah, I've been pretty busy," I replied, rolling my eyes before removing my sweater; it was unbearably hot in his room.

Chris stood up and started walking towards me. My heart raced, and I stood there, watching him approach. "I missed you," he said, running his hands over my waist.

I cleared my throat before moving towards his bed to sit at the edge. Damn, I just lost my composure in front of him. I was confident just a few minutes ago; all of this was a bad idea. "Shall we smoke this joint?" I said, hoping that the joint would help me feel more at ease to accomplish what I came here for.

He turned to me with a confused look before sitting back in his desk chair and grabbing his joint. "Very eager tonight?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm eager to shut you up and pass me that joint," I said, giving him a fake smile. He chuckled before lighting the joint and handing it to me.

"You're sexy when you're angry, you know?" he said, leaning towards me from his chair. I rolled my eyes before taking a drag.

"Three months without seeing me, and you're acting like a real bitch with me," he said, smiling and watching me smoke his joint without passing it back. "You're not even going to let me have a little, mama? Are you that angry with me?" he said, tilting his head to the side and placing his hand on my thigh.

I jumped at the contact of his hand on me, immediately passing him the joint, hoping he would take it with the hand resting on my thigh. However, he did the opposite, pulling his chair even closer to mine, blowing his smoke into my face. "You're chattier than that usually," he said, smiling before taking another massive drag and placing the joint on his desk. He then leaned in, burying his head in my neck, extracting a sigh from my lips.

He started kissing my neck, placing his hand on the back of my head to keep me in place. I couldn't help but tilt my head back, offering him better access, and as he nibbled on my skin, a warm sigh escaped my lips. I could already feel my panties getting wet at that moment.

My head began to spin, unsure if it was the effect of all those drags at once or the way he devoured my neck as if it were his last meal.

Suddenly, I regained my senses, remembering why I had come here in the first place. I pushed him back by the chest, forcing him to sit up on his chair. "Chris!" I said, catching my breath, and he looked at me confused when I did that.

"I didn't come here for this, damn it," I said, getting up from his bed and starting to walk away from him.

"Why are you here, then?" he asked, turning his chair towards me without leaving his chair.

"I came to end this, Chris. I'm tired of your shit," I told him, crossing my arms, and he chuckled. "Is that funny to you, you jerk?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

"Come on, baby, stop your drama. I acted like an idiot, let me make it up to you by having a good time," he said, getting up from his chair.

"No, it's over, Chris, I'm done," I replied sharply.

"You say that every time, y/n, and we always end up here," he sighed. "Can we avoid going through this again, please? You know very well that you and I won't end." He said this while caressing my arms once he reached my level. "These were the most complicated three months I've had since I've known you. You've punished me enough like this," he added, rolling his eyes.

"Do you hear what you're saying, Chris?" I said, shaking my head. "You don't even realize how toxic you are to me," I said, getting angry. "Damn, it took me three fucking months to have the courage to end this relationship. Three fucking months of crying and lamenting because of you, Chris."

"We'll figure it out, y/n. You can't just leave me because you're feeling bad; it's selfish!" he replied. "Do you think I was doing well these last three months? Fuck, y/n, we'll find a solution; we always find a solution."

"We always find a solution?" I said with a fake laugh. "Because treating me like crap in public is a solution for you, Chris?" I said, pushing him, carried away by my anger. "You only think about yourself; damn it, I can't fucking take it anymore. It's not a healthy relationship, none of this is healthy!"

"I told you I didn't want others to know about us, y/n. I don't like airing my life; you can't change who I am!" he said, advancing towards me.

"But damn it, you don't listen to anything I say!" I told him, shaking my head. "This discussion is fucking pointless; it's over. I found someone else, Chris, and he'll genuinely make me happy, not like you," I spat out full of rage before heading towards his door.

He grabbed my arm abruptly and violently slammed me against his door, causing me to release a groan of pain. "What the fuck did you just say?" he said through clenched teeth, bringing his face closer to mine and tightening his hand around my neck to force me to look him in the eyes, where I could see all his burning rage.

"You're hurting me," I said, closing my eyes as his grip tightened around my throat, forcing me onto the balls of my feet. It wasn't the right moment, I knew, but somewhere deep down, his reaction satisfied me. He was furious, and that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to feel the hatred he made me feel, and I knew he felt it at that moment.

His hold around my neck loosened, and a smirk appeared on my face. "You heard right, Chris. I found a guy better than you," I told him, looking him in the eyes before leaning toward his ear on tiptoes, resting my hands on his shoulders. "A guy way better than you for me, a guy who will treat me much better than you, and especially a guy who will fuck me much better than you," I whispered to provoke him.

I slowly faced him again, never breaking eye contact. He ran his hand over his face before pressing against the door behind me with his other hand. I could feel the anger boiling inside him, and I liked it. He raised his head to look at me before running his tongue over his teeth and fake laughing. "What's happening to you—" I started to say before being cut off by his lips on mine.

At first, I tried to push him away, but his hand caught both my wrists, pinning them above my head without his lips leaving mine.

No matter how much I resisted, it was useless. When I entered this room, I already knew how it would end, so I ended up giving in and kissing him back, letting his tongue into my mouth.

He pressed his body against mine, and the kiss was hungry and furious. I couldn't help but moan into his mouth. I must admit that this burning fire in the pit of my stomach had been missing, a sensation that only Chris had the power to provoke.

"You're mine, y/n," he growled before reconnecting our lips immediately.

"No, I'm not, Chris," I tried to deny despite having just succumbed for the thousandth time.

"Then why do you always end up here, huh?" he said between hungry kisses on my jaw and neck.

"Because—" I said, moaning as he started to nibble on my earlobe.

"Because you're mine," he insisted, placing his hand on the side of my neck. "I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll forget the name of that guy you're dating," he said, directing his lips towards my breasts.

"Chris—" I said before being interrupted by his hand on my mouth.

"Shut the fuck up, y/n," he said before pulling on my tank top to expose my chest and began kissing me. "This guy doesn't know you," he said, inserting one of his fingers into my mouth for me to suck, which I did. "I know you inside out. I know where to touch you and what to say," he said, straightening up so his face was in front of mine, lifting his knee between my legs to apply pressure to my pussy.

"I can't believe you even thought for a second that another man could ever fuck you better than me, baby," he said, smirking and rubbing against me, making me moan at the friction of my clothes against my clit.

"Chris, fuck," I said with his fingers still in my mouth. Suddenly, he pulled them out, removing my top in one swift motion. "Please, Chris," I said, desperate. At this point, I could deny it all I wanted, but this guy could reduce me to my knees with just one sentence. It had been three months since I had a proper orgasm.

"Please what? I thought you had someone else, someone better?" he said with a sly smile, grabbing a handful of hair at the back of my head and pulling to make me lift my head toward him. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" he said, stopping the friction between my legs, driving me completely crazy.

"No, Chris, don't stop!" I said in a frustrated moan.

"Say it, y/n," he said authoritatively, looking me in the eyes and pulling harder on my hair. "Fine, since you don't want to say it," he said, dragging me by the hair to his bed where he threw me before swiftly removing my bottoms and panties in one go.

I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop. I was dying to feel him inside me. I sat up from my previous position lying on the bed to kiss him. Before I could reach his lips, he pushed me onto the mattress with a sly smile, making me let out another frustrated moan. "Why?" I said, furrowing my brows.

He didn't answer and walked towards his dresser, taking out two pairs of handcuffs we had used in the past. I watched him come towards me with an apprehensive look. "Tell me if your new guy can make you cum like I can," he said, grabbing my face before suddenly releasing me and handcuffing both my arms to his bedframe.

"What are you doing, Chris?" I asked, feeling my breath quicken. He came to kiss me briefly, pushing me to pursue his lips in the hope of reconnecting them hungrily when he broke our kiss.

"Shhhhh," he simply replied before proceeding to kiss every inch of my body except where I really needed him to, making me squirm under his lips. "If only you were less complicated with me, y/n," he murmured, kissing the hollow of my waist. "You're driving me completely insane, y/n," he said, biting the inside of my thigh this time, prompting me to let out a moan.

"Chris," I said, unable to bear the way he teased me. "I need you, please," and with my words, he abruptly spread my legs and dove his head in.

He began licking my wetness from my hole before moving up to my clit, making me moan at the sensation. His left hand came to play with my breasts, while the fingers of his right hand teased my entrance as he stimulated my clit with his tongue, causing me to roll my eyes. "Oh my God, Chris," I said in a broken voice, trying to free my hands from the handcuffs to run them through his hair, but in vain.

Chris continued to groan against me, sending vibrations to my clit, making my head spin. Without warning, he inserted two fingers inside me, causing me to throw my head back and release another moan at the sensation.

He began to move his fingers in and out progressively faster, bending them inside me and hitting that spot that made me see stars. Chris knew perfectly well that he could make me climax very quickly; he knew me inside out. So when that familiar knot formed in the pit of my stomach, I didn't need to alert him for him to know that my orgasm was dangerously approaching. "Can you feel it coming?" he said, continuing to finger me. I simply nodded, too intoxicated by the impending orgasm to speak. "You want it?" he asked, accelerating the movement and making me lose my mind.

I was on the brink of climax when he withdrew his fingers without warning, making me moan in frustration and lift my head towards him. "Chris, no!" I gasped, "Don't stop, please." I pleaded desperately, closing my eyes and rubbing my thighs in the hope of feeling something.

"What's the matter? Did I frustrate you by making you think I was going to let you cum on my fingers?" he said mockingly. "Go ask your new guy to finish the job," he spat, grabbing my throat.

"I lied! Chris, I lied, please!" I said desperately. "No guy can make me cum like you!" I exclaimed, agitated and looking pathetic. "Fuck me, Chris, I beg you, just fuck me!"

He licked his lips while looking at me, then smiled and removed his underwear. I let out a whimper when I saw his member for the first time in three months. I bit my lip, remembering all the things he could do with it. "Did you miss this, little slut?" he said, slapping me before positioning himself between my legs. I nodded vigorously, making him smile. "I missed you, princess."

He began to slap his cock against my clit, making me lift my head and moan at the teasing sound. Then, he started rubbing against me without penetrating. "Chris, stop teasing me; I can't wait any longer," I said, frustrated and hungry.

"Say it, baby, say it, and I promise to give it to you. I promise to stop messing around, and I promise it'll be the last time you have to run away from me," he said between several kisses on my lips, jaw, ear, and neck.

I knew that if I said it, there would be no turning back. I knew that if I said it, the three months I've spent without him would have been for nothing. And I knew that if I said it this time, I was screwed. But it was Chris, the only guy who shone in my eyes. So, for the umpteenth time, I swallowed my pride and principles. "I'm yours, Chris, only yours."

He gradually entered me, almost making me scream when he hit the depth. "Fuck, I missed this pussy, baby," he said, moaning before starting to penetrate me. "I never want you to let anyone else touch you, do you hear me?" he said, thrusting abruptly into me, and I nodded furiously. "You're mine, y/n, only mine. Fuck!" he said, trying to contain his moans before burying his head in my neck to bite me.

"Oh my fucking God! Chris! Shit!" I exclaimed when he began to thrust in me at an inhuman speed. "Yes, yes, yes, don't stop, oh my-" I felt like I was losing my mind. He pressed his lips to mine to kiss me fiercely, our kiss filled with growls and moans.

"Damn, y/n, I missed you so much. Never leave again," he said, moaning against my lips and thrusting impossibly deeper.

"Never again, baby, I promise!" I said, looking at him with furrowed brows and a face tense with the pleasure I was receiving.

"You're the only good girl for me; I want no one else," he said, placing his forehead against mine while grabbing my legs and wrapping them around his waist. "I'm going to do things right; I'm going to fix things for you," he said, moaning when I started to clench around him.

"Chris, I—fuck, please," I uttered a sentence that made no sense. I no longer had the ability to formulate a coherent sentence, but he understood what I wanted. He untied my hands from the handcuffs without withdrawing from me. He turned us around so that I was sitting on him, and his back was against the headboard.

I moaned at the new angle, which allowed him to reach even deeper. I could feel him in my core. I began to bounce on him at a steady pace, and he threw his head back. "Oh my God, you're so good for me, baby," he said, closing his eyes.

My hands came to grip his cheeks, making his beautiful blue eyes meet mine. His hands grabbed my hips to guide and pull me even closer to him. Our torsos were pressed together, and our lips brushed against each other as I bounced on him. No words came out of our mouths, but we communicated through our eyes. His grip on my hips tightened, and he began thrusting from below. I felt my orgasm approaching. "Baby, I—I can't—I can't—I'm going to—" I tried to articulate, but once again, everything tangled in my head, and I couldn't say it.

"I know, princess. Let yourself go. Come for me, baby. I want you to come for me, ma , please don't stop," he said, biting his lips and clenching his jaw. I could feel him twitch inside me, and within seconds, I started to climax. He grabbed my neck roughly, kissing me while forcing me to continue bouncing on him until he also climaxed inside me.

I let my head fall on his shoulder, and he began to stroke my hair. We were both out of breath. "I never want you to see that guy again," he said.

"Fuck you, Chris," I replied without moving from my position.

"I'm serious. If I see you with him, I'll kick his ass," he said, grabbing my chin to make me face him.

"I won't see him again," I replied simply, and he smiled before kissing me slowly and gently.

Masterlist.

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bl00dst41ned · 6 months

Text

✧ ˚ · . just another love song . · ˚ ✧

pairing: jude bellingham x black singer!reader

summary: in which you and jude go public for the release of a special song

author’s note: since sza does not want to release the song i’ll do it myself (rumors said the song will be released tomorrow i can't wait) (the blue means the username is id'd)

faceclaim: @ronisia_mds (d’ailleurs qu’elle se mette vite avec Tiakola, j’en ai marre de leur jeu d’acteur)

yourusername

Liked by jobebellingham and 2,854,721 others

yourusername diamond boy, why you so shiny ?

yn.fan the studio pic AAAHHHHHHH

craigxmitch babe who is he ?? 🥺🥺

→ yourusername oop- nellarose your “man” is acting up

→ nellarose waowww so this what we doing craig

→ craigxmitch wait- NO

yn_news NEW MUSIC ALERT I REPEAT NEW MUSIC

user1 y/n it's my birthday yourusername

→ yourusername happy birthday love

→ user1 OMGGGGG

jorjasmith you look gorg

→ yourusername thx i love u

judebellingham 😍

Liked by creator

yourbsf hey pretty girl

→ yourusername hey lover

judebells5 what is jude doing here ?

→ yntheonly that’s what i’m trying to figure out

judebellingham

Liked by harrypinero and 2,921,547 others

judebellingham Golden Boy 2023. Beyond grateful, thank you to everyone who’s supported my journey until this point, can’t fully express my appreciation!

vinijr Belligoooool

trentarnold66 Man of the year 👑

toniruediger JB5 🔥

madders Goldenballs 🤝

yourusername real life 💫boy

→ judebellingham i like 💎boy better though

[Y/N’s interview]

yourusername and adidaslondon

Liked by arilennox and 1,023,102 others

yourusername so happy to be part of the Adidas family

adidaslondon welcome superstar (caught the wordplay 😝)

judebellingham welcome to the family 💎girl

→ yourusername 🤭🤭

→ judefan22 not y’all flirting straight in the eyes of the public

user3 it's the face the hair the outfit it's everything

sza the face card never declined

→ yourusername thank you beautiful 🤎

jude.fan so now jude and her are both adidas partner 🤭🤭

user4 how can someone be so pretty

ynsmainbae

462 likes

ynsmainbae y/n and jude playing in their comments thinking I don’t see them 🙄🙄 i know what they’re hiding

📍ynsmainbae yourusername I KNOW WHAT Y'ALL ARE

Pinned by ynsmainbae

yn.fan they look so good together

→ ynsmainbae YESSS !!!!! they need to go public already

lovejb22 they don’t even hide it anymore

Liked by ynsmainbae

weloveyn HOLLON- GUYS Y/N IS AT A MADRID GAME

→ ynsmainbae WHAT ?!?!!

→ bell_egg_ham i used to pray for times like this 🥲

yourusername posted on their story

yourusername

Liked by judebellingham and 3,023,156

yourusername Baby, if it's OD, tell me, am I sayin' too much?

📍yourbsf guys it’s coming !!!!!!

Pinned by yourusername

hallebailey can’t wait for them to hear the song, it’s lovely 💕

→ yourusername i’m so glad you loved it babe 🥰

user5 not getting to excited, she might be lying

tyla can i be your diamond girl 👉🏽👈🏽

→ yourusername only if you make me water 😉

→ user6 AYOOOO

diesel stunning 😍😍

victoriamonet ooh she’s stunning

→ yourusername youuu 🥹🥹

user7 can't wait to be midnight

yourusername

Liked by champagnepapi and 3,541,017 others

yourusername this one is for my one and only diamond boy <3 DTM is out at mignight

sza ooh you ate that

→ yourusername thank you pookie 🤎

yourbsf fucking finally

→ yourusername girl shut up and stream

yn.and.co oh MOTHER ✨✨

jobebellingham congratulations sister 🤍

→ yourusername thank you brother 🥰

user8 she ate i fear

girliesloveyn THE VOCALS ARE VOCALIZINGGGG

judebellingham

judebellingham all i need in this life of sin 💎

📍yourusername hope you liked the song babe judebellingham

yourusername i look gorgeous damn

→ judebellingham stunning, astonishing, breath-taking

jobebellingham wide back boy

→ yourusername JOBE IJHDCDSK

→ judebellingham what you akekekeing for ??

comments have been limited

like and repost for support (hope you enjoyed it guys)

masterlist for more

#written by bl00dst41ned #football fanfic #football social media au #football smau #football x black reader #football x reader #football x you #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham social media au #jude bellingham smau #jude bellingham x black reader #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x you

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daysofyellowroses · 3 months

Text

sandwich

carmen berzatto x afab!reader | 7.9k | based on this wonderful request by @kpopgirlbtssvt (sincere apologies this took so long!) | 18+ minors dni | warnings: smut, mentions of abuse, shitty shitty behaviour, language

finally finally finally i am posting this! it was not intended to be so long but i couldn't bring myself to end it, then life and work got busy and long story short, here it is! i have more requests to get working on, but i have a week off from today so hopefully no more delays! 🌼💗🫶🏻

🐻

“I can do this, I can totally do this.”

You repeated the words to yourself over and over, looking at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. It was just a job interview, it wasn't like you were going into battle or something. Still, that thought didn't ease the knot in your stomach. Job interviews were always nerve-wracking, it was just the nature of them. You'd lost track of how many you'd been on, they all started to blur together. Some of the jobs weren't even really what you wanted, but you needed something new. Your notice was burning a hole in your pocket, just waiting to be handed in.

You stepped back from the mirror, taking a deep breath. Your outfit looked professional, you felt. A white shirt and navy pants, simple but effective. You forced yourself to smile, to try and feel more relaxed. The world wouldn't end, you still had a job, technically, had a roof over your head. A new roof, a new life. Now you just needed a new job and it would all fall into place.

Heading into your bedroom, you checked your phone to see which interview it was, your calendar flooded with notices. The latest was a hostess job for the Bear, a newly opened restaurant. You'd been a little surprised to get a call for an interview, while you had worked in a restaurant before it was a couple of years ago and you'd worked there for less than a year. Still, an interview was an interview, and you wouldn't be too down if you didn't get it.

When you arrived at the restaurant, you wondered if you'd gone to the right address. In theory it looked like a restaurant, but there was still a whole lot of construction work going on. You wondered how soon the soon-to-be-open was exactly. Heading inside, you raised a brow at how much work was being done, an interview on a construction site would be a new experience for sure.

After a moment, a blonde woman walked through one of the open doorways, picking her way across the floor to you. She seemed to be heavily pregnant, but it didn't stop her weaving through the room with ease.

“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting,” She smiled as she approached you. “I'm Natalie, one of the managers here. You must be my ten o'clock interview, come on in.”

She led you to a table that had been laid out how you imagined all the tables would eventually look, with its elegant wine glasses and luxurious napkins and cutlery. There were, you noticed, three chairs across the table from you, your heart beating a little faster. You didn't mind interviews but when there were three or four people talking to you at once it could be a little intense.

You gave her your details and placed your purse on the back of your chair, taking a deep breath.

“Great,” Natalie smiled, placing the copy of your resume that you had given her on the table. “I'm just waiting for-”

“I'm here,” A voice called from across the room. “Sorry I'm late.”

You looked over, finding a tall man in a dark suit walking over to the table. He looked about mid-40s, piercing blue,eyes, pretty attractive but not necessarily your type. Not that it mattered, you told yourself. Finding your boss attractive hadn't been great for you historically.

The man introduced himself and you did the same, sitting up a little as he sat down beside Natalie.

“Are Carm and Sydney coming to this one?” Natalie asked Richie, quietly. “They said they would.”

“Said they'd try,” Richie replied, looking over to you with a polite smile. “But let's get started shall we?”

“Absolutely.” You nodded with a smile, taking a deep breath.

“Well let's tell you a little bit about us,” Natalie smiled. “As you can see we're still in the renovation stage, but we're close to the end now. We were a sandwich shop before but now we're moving to a more high end operation, which we're all very excited about. It's a great team we have here, and we're looking forward to building on what we already have.”

“That sounds great,” You smiled, glancing down to the table for a moment to gather your thoughts before looking back up. “I'm used to working as part of a strong team, so that wouldn't be a problem.”

“Excellent,” Natalie nodded, looking at your resume for a moment before looking over to Richie. “Well Richie here is our front of house manager so I'll let him fill you in on what we would expect from you.”

Richie nodded, looking over to you and you felt your heart race a little. For good or bad you weren't sure, but you decided to roll with it.

“As Natalie said we're going to be a high end operation,” Richie began, his gaze burning into you. “What does that mean to you?”

You thought about it for a moment, adjusting the napkin in front of you before looking back at Richie.

“To me it means excellent food, a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere, and a strong focus on customer service.”

Richie was quiet for a moment and you found yourself questioning your answer.

“Good,” Richie nodded, sitting back a little. “Now..”

It was fifteen or so minutes later when the door to the restaurant opened. Richie and Natalie both glanced over and you paused what you were saying. After a moment they looked back at you and you kept going, a man about your age coming over to the table and sitting in the empty chair beside Natalie. He gave you a polite smile and you felt your heart race in a way you knew definitely wasn't good but in the best possible way.

“Apologies for my brother's lateness,” Natalie sighed softly, gesturing to the man beside her. “This is Carmy, he's the head chef.”

He smiled as he held his hand out to you and it took you a second to remember your own name. You shook his had, trying to ignore the spark that shot through you.

The rest of the interview felt like a blur, before you knew it you were saying your goodbyes and heading out. You had no idea if you had actually done well or not, with every other interview you'd had some idea but you were honestly clueless with this one.

It was a couple of days later when you got a phone call. You had just gotten out of the shower when your phone rang, you could hear it from your bedroom and quickly threw a towel around yourself before heading into your bedroom. You didn't have time to check the ID before answering your phone, clutching your towel around yourself.

“Hello?”

“Hi, sorry to call so early.”

You vaguely recognised the voice, running through possible options in your head before it dawned on you.

“Uh..no, no it's fine,” You nodded, sitting on the edge of your bed. “Don't worry.”

“Great,” Carmy replied. “I wanted to thank you for coming in the other day, we had a lot of interviews..”

You took a deep breath as you braced yourself for rejection. It wouldn't be the worst thing, but it still always felt a little deflating to be told you weren't good enough.

“..and I wanted to let you know that we would love to have you on board, if you're still interested?”

Your heart flew into your mouth, your mind unable to process an answer for a moment.

“I..yes, yes I'm still interested,” You nodded, a smile breaking out on your face. “That's amazing, thank you so much.”

“My pleasure,” Carmy's voice sounded low in your ear and you found yourself clutching your towel tighter. “I know you have to work out your notice in your current job but whenever you're free to start, we'll be here.”

“Oh, great,” You murmured, cursing yourself for sounding so dazed. “I'll hand my notice in today, and..I'll keep you updated. Thank you so much.”

“Don't mention it, I'll talk to you soon okay?”

“Okay,” You nodded, saying your goodbyes before ending the call and sitting on your bed for a while longer to process what had happened. It was a weight off your shoulders, of course, but you still had a nervous excitement about it.

The two weeks you had to finish out seemed to pass by in an instant. On your last day you were given a card and flowers, someone brought in a cake, and you found yourself wondering if anyone would even remember you in a week's time.

Then, before you knew it, you were getting ready to start your first shift at the Bear. It was the opening night, and you weren't sure if the nerves would ever end. The evening was all a blur, you felt like you were on autopilot, watching your own body in action. Richie took the helm much to your relief, and you just followed his lead. By the time you were putting your jacket on and getting ready to go home, you weren't sure you hadn't dreamed the whole thing.

The nerves really hit on your following shift. There wasn't the buzz of the opening night, the pressure that made you strangely calm. You spent a solid two hours getting ready, looking at yourself in the mirror for a ridiculously long time. Your dress felt too short, even with your dark tights. Your makeup felt like it was too much and not enough. Eventually you had to leave, and tried to push your insecurities aside before they drove you crazy.

You arrived at the restaurant just in time for the staff dinner, taking your seat and taking off your jacket. You felt too nervous to eat, even though the food looked incredible. Instead, you opted to take a sip of water, glancing up and finding Carmy looking at you. He looked away when you met his eyes and you slowly set your cup down, adjusting your dress under the table.

While you forced yourself to eat something, you looked over to Richie as he launched into a story, finding yourself relaxing slightly. You were sure you felt eyes on you, but when you glanced at Carmy he wasn't looking at you. After dinner, the nerves struck again as everyone got ready for the service. You hung back for a moment, taking a deep breath.

“Hey, feeling okay?”

You looked up and swallowed a breath as you saw Carmy walking over to you.

“Uh..yeah, yeah I'm good,” You nodded, clearing your throat. “Just the tiniest bit nervous. It's been a minute since I was in a job like this..I hope last night wasn't just a fluke.”

“It wasn't,” Carmy smiled, raising a brow. “Don't worry. You were great, really great. You can do this, just overthink it, alright?”

“Alright,” You smiled, feeling the knot in your stomach loosen slightly. “I won't.”

Service actually went well, at least for a while. You put on a mask of confidence and found yourself feeling better about your abilities as the evening went on. Until, that is, you were in the kitchen explaining an order update for a table when Richie burst in with a face like thunder and your stomach dropped.

“Hey,” He looked over to you and you already wanted the ground to open up and swallow you.

“Did you seat table nine?”

“I..yes, I did,” You nodded, wondering what exactly the problem was, nothing springing to mind. “Why? Should I..not have?”

Richie sighed and ran his hand over his face, while you felt like you were back in school about to be ripped apart by a teacher.

“You seated them,” Richie nodded, resting his hands on his hips. “Despite the fact that table nine is reserved for seven thirty, did you just decide not to do your job?”

“I..I'm so sorry,” You insisted, holding your hands up. “It was a mistake, I take complete responsibility for it, I'm so sorry.”

“You should be,” Richie sighed, shaking his head. “You made the mess, you clean it up. I can't fucking believe this.”

“I..” You stopped yourself as Richie held his hand up, trying to hold back your tears and cursing yourself for being so damn overly sensitive.

“No, you just need to stop,” Richie muttered. “I gotta think.”

You closed your eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, looking over your shoulder as you felt a hand on your back.

“Don't worry,” Carmy murmured softly, meeting your eyes. “he's just a drama queen. You can do this, don't panic.”

You felt more eyes on you, some of the other chefs looking at you with surprise before they got back to work.

“Alright,” You nodded, taking a deep breath before looking back at Richie.

“I'll handle it.”

You left the kitchen, holding your head up high and leaving the mask aside.

After service was over, you slipped out to the back and sat on a low wall before pulling a back of cigarettes from your purse. A moment later you let out a long exhale and felt your body relax.

“Mind if I bum one of those?”

“Of course,” You smiled, holding the packet out to Carmy as he walked towards you. “Go for it.”

“Thanks,” Carmy nodded, taking the pack. “Didn't have you pegged as a smoker. No offense.”

“None taken,” You smiled, wrapping your arm around yourself. “I don't smoke so much anymore, just after a tough day. Stress reliever.”

Carmy nodded as he lit up a cigarette, handing you back the packet. “I get you. But I should warn you this job will have you back smoking full time, nature of it and all.”

You nodded as you took a drag of your cigarette, watching Carmy sit down beside you.

“Thanks for the heads up..and I'm sorry again for tonight.”

Carmy shook his head, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees.

“Don't apologize, honestly. It was an honest mistake, it all got resolved. Richie just needs to have a moment now and then. He'll apologize in a day or two.”

“Can't wait,” You laughed softly, flicking your cigarette by your feet. “I really thought he was gonna kill me at one point. If I'm still here in a month I'll be amazed.”

“You'll still be here,” Carmy nudged you gently. “If I have my way anyway. Don't let Richie get in your head. You're good at what you do, embrace it.”

“Are you a chef or a life coach?” You teased, smiling to yourself. “I just get a little too in my head sometimes, overthink things.”

“Well join the club,” Carmy laughed softly as he shook his head. “We're all guilty of that. You just gotta push past it, I guess.”

“Hm, has that ever worked for you?” You asked, looking over to Carmy.

“Honestly?” Carmy met your gaze, his cigarette between his lips and his eyes sincere. “Not even once.”

“Hm, I suspected as much,” You smiled, looking away. “easier said than done, right?”

“Right,” Carmy murmured. “So maybe we just tell each other when we're overthinking. Get the thoughts out.”

“That sounds great, in theory,” You raised a brow, looking up for a moment with a smile. “Guess we'll just have to see how it goes in practice.”

A month later, you had started to settle into your role more, getting more comfortable and confident. There were a couple of slip ups here and there, but you always seemed to have Carmy in your corner. You got better at handling problems, and gradually started to build a bond with Richie, who you grew a soft spot for.

One particular Saturday, there was a plan to go for drinks after work. You hadn't been planning to go, but figured it would be nice to spend some time with everyone outside of work, in your normal clothes and without only being able to speak in short bursts.

Well, you and Carmy did tend to spend some time after work having a cigarette, sometimes it was twenty minutes, sometimes it was an hour. At first you would just talk about work, about the night's service, any annoying customers, but gradually you started to learn more. You found that you enjoyed just listening to him talk, when he would tell you little snippets of his life. It was never too much, too detailed, but enough for you to piece together a more clear picture of his life. You shared some details of your life, never anything too much, but enough that he seemed interested, asking you more and more questions.

After service that Saturday, you felt like you could sleep for a week but everyone else's excitement gave you a buzz. You got changed in the bathroom, throwing on a pair of dark jeans and a simple red velvet top, stuffing your hostess dress into your bag. You felt more than ready for a drink, but there was one thing you had to do first.

“Didn't think you were coming out tonight.”

“For a drink or a smoke?” You asked, walking over to the wall and sitting beside Carmy. He was wearing jeans and a sweater but when you were so used to seeing him in his whites it made a difference.

“Either,” Carmy handed you a pack of cigarettes. “Not complaining though.”

“Didn't think you would,” You smiled, plucking a cigarette from the pack. “I told Syd I'd head to the bar in a few, they're all gonna go on ahead. Richie said first round on him.”

“I'll believe that when I see it,” Carmy scoffed, shaking his head. “What's your poison?”

“Arsenic,” You replied, looking over to Carm with a grin. “Ask an old question and get an old answer.”

“Alright, fair,” Carmy nodded, a smile on his face. “if I was to give you a drink right now what would you have?”

“Right now?” You looked up for a moment, thinking about it.

“Mm..probably like a whiskey sour.”

“You're such an old man,” Carm laughed as you rolled your eyes. “A whiskey sour?”

“It's a classic,” You lightly swatted his arm. “Don't knock it. We can't all be cool bros who drink fucking beer.”

“I never said I was having a beer,” Carmy raised a brow, holding his hand over his heart. “You're really gonna slap me with the bro label?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, taking a drag on your cigarette before looking over to Carm with a grin. “It's an old man's prerogative.”

You and Carm ended up arriving at the bar after everyone else had already finished half their first drinks. One of you had suggested walking to the bar, it didn't seem so far away at the time. On the way you'd stopped to get cigarettes, arguing over who was paying, Carmy beating you to the card machine by a split second.

The bar felt warm when you walked in, Carm's hand on your back as you removed your jacket not helping. He told you he'd order the drinks, disappearing before you could offer your card.

You joined the others, sitting down beside Richie and laughing as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and rested his head on yours. By the time Carmy came over with your drinks you were caught up in Syds's story, taking a moment before looking over to Carm and mouthing a ‘thank you’.

As the night went on, you weren't sure how many drinks you had actually had, between your trips to the bar more glasses were placed in front of you, everyone forgetting who they actually owed. In the latest bar you'd all ended up in, you leaned against Carmy's shoulder, his arm around yours.

“Oh shit,” You heard Richie exclaim, slowly dragging your gaze over to him.

“They got karaoke!”

“Karaoke?” You grinned, looking up at Carmy. “Oh wait, you're probably too cool for that, huh bro?”

“Shut up,” Carmy rolled his eyes with a smile, lightly squeezing your shoulder. “We can't all get up and belt out Sinatra.”

“Hey,” You raised a brow. “My drinks may be old but my music taste is not. Get me the sight up sheet.”

The lights of the stage felt bright and hot on your already warm skin, but you felt a rush of adrenaline as everyone cheered and your eyes met Carm's.

“Hey,” You smiled, giving a little wave and trying not to cringe at the sound of your voice in the microphone. “I'm gonna sing a song that I love, and hope I don't butcher it entirely.”

You laughed softly as the Bear crowd cheered, someone giving you a whistle. The alcohol-induced confidence took over you as the music started, and you decided to just embrace the moment as you held the microphone.

‘All the lights in Miami begin to gleam

Ruby, blue and green, neon too

Everything looks better from above my king

Like aquamarine, ocean's blue

Ah ah ah ah

Cacciatore

La da da da da

Limousines

Ah ah ah ah

Ciao amore

La da da da da

Soft ice cream’

Any lingering nerves you had disappeared when you looked over to your table and heard cheers, your eyes meeting Carmy's for a moment. His gaze was totally focused on you, your heart beating faster as you continued the song, feeling a little more confident as you kept your gaze on him.

‘Catch me if you can

Working on my tan

Salvatore

Dying by the hand

Of a foreign man

Happily

Calling out my name

In the summer rain

Ciao amore

Salvatore can wait

Now it's time to eat

Soft ice cream’

You felt like you were in a daze as the song ended, smiling when there was a round of applause and making your way back to the table. Richie squeezed your shoulder and went to get you a drink, which you knew would have you fully committing to a hangover but you didn't care.

“You were incredible,” Carmy whispered in your ear, low and warm. “I had no idea you could sing.”

“Really?” You grinned, turning your head and meeting his eyes. “Well I guess I'm just full of surprises.”

A couple of hours later, you found yourself trying not to fall asleep in the back of an Uber, your head on Carmy's shoulder. You were drunk, but not so much that you had lost all sense of yourself. Instead you felt pleasantly buzzed and sleepy, wanting to fall into your bed and stay there forever.

“We're here,” Carm gently squeezed your shoulder, dragging you from your drifting thoughts. “Let's go.”

You let him help you out of the car, your arm linked with his as he led you to the door of your building. It took a minute to remember the code to the door, but you got there in the end, laughing to yourself when it worked.

“Now I just need to remember what number my apartment is,” You sighed as you pushed the button for the elevator, grinning as Carmy gave you a deadpan look. “Kidding, don't worry.”

When you reached your front door, you expected Carmy to give a polite excuse and leave, even though that was the last thing you wanted him to do. When he didn't, you tried not to look too pleased, holding the door open for him and taking a deep breath.

“Where's your kitchen?” Carm asked, turning to you as you closed the door. “I'll get you some water.”

“Just through there,” You smiled, gesturing to the door on your left. “I'm gonna go change.”

You went into your bedroom, leaving the door open and flicking on the light. You peeled off your clothes and dropped them into/close enough to the laundry hamper before heading to the chest of drawers and pulling open a drawer. You rifled through until you found a pair of simple blue pajamas, pulling on the t-shirt then the shorts.

When you turned around Carm was heading through the door, glancing around the room before placing the glass of water on your nightstand. He turned to look at you and you felt your heart leap from your chest.

“Stay,” You asked, or rather requested, feeling a little embarrassed by your firmness. “I mean..if you want, you can stay. It's pretty late.”

“Oh, uh..okay,” Carmy nodded, and you found yourself relaxing a little. “Sure. I can crash on the couch.”

“Don't be stupid,” You smiled, gesturing to your double, albeit a small double, bed. “It's alright, I don't bite.”

Carm looked concerned for a moment before he laughed and shook his head.

“Ah what the hell. It's one night.”

“Don't sound too offended to share my bed,” You teased, walking over to the nightstand and picking up the glass. “Not just anyone gets that privilege.”

“I'm flattered,” Carm laughed softly, rubbing his neck. “Just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You couldn't if you tried,” You insisted, gently touching his arm before sitting down on your bed. “Now hurry up, I'm exhausted.”

A couple of moments later, Carm was down to his shorts, and you tried not to stare. He turned out the light before you could hear him crossing the room. You slipped under the covers, your breath catching as you felt him get in beside you.

“Comfortable?” You asked, turning onto your side and resting your hand under your pillow.

“Yeah,” Carmy nodded, laying on his back. You could just about make him out in the dark, the lingering scent of his cologne, cigarettes and beer feeling heady and desirable. “Thanks.”

“You're welcome,” You murmured softly, taking a breath. “tonight was really fun..I can't really remember the last time I had a night out.”

“Me too,” Carm sighed softly, the mattress dipping slightly as he turned to face you. “I'll pay for it tomorrow, I feel the hangover creeping over the horizon.”

“That's the downside to getting older,” You shrugged softly. “You start to feel hungover before you've even gone to sleep.”

“Well you would know,” Carm retorted. “You old, old man.”

You gasped and reached out to lightly swat his arm, smiling as he laughed.

“That is uncalled for. I'm old, not old old.”

“Is there a difference?” Carm asked, his voice dropping low as he nestled into the pillow.

“Not really,” You murmured softly, your hand resting on the gap in the mattress. “But I stand by my actions.”

“Never had you pegged as violent,” Carm murmured, his hand resting close to yours. “Learning so much about you.”

“Hey I can't give away all my secrets,” You smiled softly, moving your hand ever so slightly closer to his. “I like being a little mysterious.”

“I like that,” Carmy laughed softly, his hand moving to lay gently on top of yours. “But I like everything about you so..hardly a surprise.”

You were quiet for a moment, a tired smile forming on your face.

“I like everything about you too,” You murmured softly, feeling like you could see Carm clearly even in the darkness.

“Hardly a surprise.”

He let out a gentle laugh, his thumb gently stroking over your hand. You felt your heart fly into your mouth, like you were suddenly wide awake and able to see through the alcohol-induced haze.

“We should get some sleep.”

The words had your heart dropping back into your stomach, your mouth turning dry.

“Uh..yeah, yeah we should,” You murmured, closing your eyes and trying not to feel so disappointed. “Sweet dreams.”

Before you knew it the mattress had dipped again, and his hand was gone from yours.

Carmy was already gone when you woke up the next morning, and you decided to try and put the memories of his hand on yours to rest.

For the next week at work, you felt like you weren't really yourself. Maybe it was subconscious, but you found yourself avoiding Carmy where possible. You sat at the opposite end of the table to him at family dinner, you stopped going for a smoke after work, and only really interacted with him in a professional manner. You could see he was confused by the change, and you hoped he would understand. In time you'd be like you were, you just needed time for your feelings to dissolve.

The following Saturday, you felt like you were going through the motions at work, flicking the customer service switch on when you needed to. Any time you'd gone into the kitchen Carm had looked at you with a smile and you had forced yourself to look away, guilt eating away at you.

Then it happened.

The worst possible situation you could find yourself in.

The front door had opened and you looked up from the reservations list to greet the latest visitors, your heart sinking as you saw who it was.

Your ex-boyfriend, someone you had very carefully avoided for months was walking towards you with a woman holding onto his arm and giggling. She looked beautiful, was probably a decent, kind person. You wondered how long it would be before she realized who exactly she was dating.

It took every ounce of self control you had to stay professional, to smile and greet the pair. The reservation was under her name, and you knew it was a purposely chosen move. He lived on the other side of town, there was no way he would just happen to come to the Bear if you didn't work there, you knew it.

After taking them to their table, you found Richie and told him you needed a moment, which he granted you. You went to the bathroom and locked yourself in a cubicle, leaning against the door.

He was out there, you couldn't avoid him. You imagined Richie getting their drinks, finding them to be a charming, loved up couple. Because your ex was great at making people think that. He was charming and witty and romantic, on the surface. Until you were alone with him.

You made your way back out to the floor, trying to focus on work. When you had to go into the kitchen you felt overwhelmed by the heat, the smells, the voices coming from every direction. You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath. A moment later, you felt a hand on your back, your eyes opening and your heart calming as you met Carmy's gaze.

“Hey,” He smiled softly, raising a brow. “You good?”

“Yeah,” You nodded softly, wanting to touch his arm to ground yourself but forcing yourself not to. “I'm good.”

Back on the floor, you felt like you were in a daze. Any time you had to go to your ex's table it was like torture. He was perfectly polite, didn't give any indication he knew you, but you could feel his eyes burning into you.

After you took another small break to compose yourself, you left the bathroom and let out a gasp as you found your ex in the vestibule. You wanted to run to the door, go back to the floor. As you went to leave however, he grabbed your wrist, and you wanted to scream.

“Just gonna leave without saying hello properly?”

“Let me go,” You snapped, looking back at him and trying to pull your wrist free from his grasp. “Now.”

“What's the rush?” Your ex grinned, and you felt sick. “Let's have a little catch up. This where you been since you ran off?”

“I said let me go,” You repeated, gasping when your ex stepped forward and shoved you against the wall. He kept his hand on your wrist, his other hand resting on the wall by your head.

“Not so hasty hm?” Your ex smiled, tilting his head. “I think you owe me an explanation.”

“I don't owe you anything!” You snapped, trying to push him away and failing. “Get off me or I'll scream.”

“Oh try it,” Your ex laughed. “Your theatrics never worked before and they won't work now. “Now, maybe you want to tell me why you left? I never did get an explanation, did I?”

You opened your mouth to scream, the sound immediately muffled as your ex's hand clamped over your mouth, a furious look in his eyes.

“Don't you fucking dare,” He snapped, his hand pressing harder. “Nobody disrespect me, certainly not you. Look at you, you're pathetic.”

You felt tears welling up in your eyes, panic setting in. You knew what he was capable of, and you wouldn't be able to go back onto the floor if he lost control and left bruises.

The main door began to push open, your ex immediately stepping back from you while you tried to quickly compose yourself. You felt a sense of relief when Richie walked in, your heart racing as you spotted Carmy walk in behind him.

“Everything okay?” Richie asked, looking over to you. “You were gone a while,” He looked over to your ex, skeptically, before looking back to you. “Just wanted to see if you were good to get back out.”

“Yes,” You nodded, taking a deep breath and avoiding meeting anyone's eyes. “Apologies, chef. I'll head back out.”

“She will in a second,” Your ex smiled, reaching out to grab your wrist, his fingers digging into your skin. “We're old friends, just catching up.”

“Well I have to go,” You murmured, trying to subtly free yourself and feeling fresh tears well up as your ex tightened his grip. “So..”

“Right,” Richie nodded, his eyes on your ex while you briefly met Carmy's gaze. “I'll escort you back to your table, sir.”

“Yeah, in a minute,” Your ex nodded, pulling you closer to him. “We just have some things to discuss.”

“Please don't do this,” You muttered, tears filling your vision, trying to pull your wrist free as your ex grabbed your arm firmly.

“Hey,” You heard Carmy's voice and looked down at the ground, trying to compose yourself. “I need my staff to get back to work, and I need you to get the fuck out of my restaurant.”

“Fuck yes cousin,” Richie nodded. “He's out.”

“I don't think so,” Your ex laughed, squeezing your arm harder. “I'm a paying customer, show some respect.”

“Show some respect?” Carmy repeated, a harsh edge in his voice. “I'm giving you a chance to leave quietly, I suggest you take it.”

“Or what?” Your ex smirked, stepping closer to you. “I'll leave when I want. Like I said, we're catching up.”

“That's it,” Carmy sighed, stepping closer. “Get the fuck out of my restaurant right now before I have you forcibly removed.”

You let out a gasp as you were pushed back against the wall, everything happening in a blur. You could hear Carm and Richie saying something as they grabbed your ex and pulled him off you. Richie hauled him outside before Carmy's hand was in yours, guiding you out into the restaurant and through the kitchen, the two of you finally ending up in his office.

“Sit down,” Carm gestured to the desk chair. “I'll go get you some water.”

“No,” You insisted, reaching out to touch his arm. “Please. Don't leave me alone.”

Carm was quiet for a moment before he nodded, stepping closer to you and wrapping his arms around you. You buried your face in his neck, clinging to him as you tried to stop your tears to no avail.

You weren't sure how much time passed, but before you knew it it was closing time. You assured Carm you were okay before you went to help Richie out front, giving him a nod as he gave you a concerned look.

When it came time to leave, you clutched your keys tightly in your hand, making your way to your car and taking a deep breath. You felt like you couldn't breathe properly until you arrived back home and checked every room. Your ex didn't know where you lived, but it didn't stop you feeling a little paranoid.

After getting ready for bed, you decided to stay up a little longer, settling on the couch to watch a movie. While you were scrolling through Netflix your phone rang, and the brief panic that hit you subsided when you saw it was Carmy calling you.

“Hey,” You smiled softly as you answered, picking up one of the cushions and holding it against you. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, all good,” Carm replied, and you could swear you heard traffic in the background. “Could you let me into your building? I didn't want to buzz, just in case.”

“Oh,” You glanced to the door before slowly standing up. “Uh..yeah, yeah just give me a second.”

You set the cushion down and walked to the door, pushing the button to open the door.

“Come on up, I'll see you in a second.”

You ended the call, taking a step back from the door and clutching your phone. When there was a knock at your door you took a second before opening it.

“Hey, come in,” You stepped aside, giving a quick glance out to the hall before closing the door and turning to Carmy.

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Of course,” Carm nodded, rubbing his cheek. “I uh..I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was going to offer you ride home but I thought I might be being too much and you would be uncomfortable which is fair then I couldn't stop thinking about you and I thought I should-”

You held up your hand with a smile, tilting your head slightly.

“I'm glad you're here. I probably would have ended up calling you anyway so..it's fine. I'm just trying to find a movie, I'm open to suggestions.”

An hour later, you were sitting on the couch with your head on Carm's shoulder, his arm around your waist. You were only half focused on the movie, too busy enjoying Carm's presence after isolating yourself for a week. Cuddling up to him wouldn't help you dissolve your feelings but you were willing to overlook that, given recent events.

“Damn,” Carm murmured softly, his hand gently stroking your waist. “I guess they'll have to take down the government after all.”

“What?” You raised a brow, looking over to him.

“I knew you weren't paying attention,” Carmy laughed softly, looking at you with a grin.

“Oh shut up,” You rolled your eyes playfully. “it's not my fault it can't hold my attention. Got other things on my mind.”

“Yeah,” Carm nodded, clearing his throat and looking up for a moment. “I uh..I wanted to ask, how are you feeling after..after tonight?”

You thought about it for a moment, looking over to the TV and letting out a soft sigh.

“I feel like it was some kind of surreal dream. I don't hear so much as a whisper for months, almost a year, then suddenly he's just there..but I really appreciate what you did,” You looked back to Carmy, gently touching his arm. “I hate that you had to get involved in my drama but..thank you.”

“Don't mention it,” Carm looked back to you. “I wasn't going to stand back and let it happen. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve..I don't know, the universe.”

“The universe?” You repeated, smiling softly. “That's a lot to handle but..if I'm deserving of it I guess I'll learn to handle the responsibility.”

“That's my girl,” Carm smiled, and you felt a knot twist in your stomach at how much the words made your heart leap. “You deserve it and more.”

“Could you..could you not say that?” You murmured softly, taking a deep breath and feeling guilty when Carm immediately looked like he'd regretted everything he'd ever done.

“It wasn't bad, I just..I want you to say those things but I also don't because it's just going to give me more feelings for you and I really can't even handle the ones I already have so..”

“You have feelings for me,” Carm murmured softly, and you weren't sure whether it was a question or a statement, looking away from him. “I..I had no idea. I mean, I didn't think you hated me but..you were so distant this week I thought I'd done something to you.”

“No, never,” You insisted, trying not to cry at how badly you felt you were handling the situation. “I just thought I could get rid of my feelings if I wasn't around you so much, that's all.”

“Why didn't you just tell me?” Carm asked softly, his hand on your waist feeling more prominent. “Am I so unapproachable? Oh god, am I unapproachable? That's it isn't it? You thought I would like flip out or something, and I swear I never would, not at you, ever.”

“I know,” You nodded, looking back at him. “I just..I didn't want to make things awkward. I'm not in high school, I don't want to act like I am. I may as well have gotten Syd to pass you a note from me, check the box if you like me kinda vibe.”

“Don't you want to know if I would have ticked the box?” Carm asked, his tone gentle. “Because I would have. Every time.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head and looking up.

“Damn, guess I should have sent you the none then hm?”

“Well there's still time,” Carm smiled as you looked back at him. “Though I can't guarantee Syd wouldn't just chuck it in the trash. You know when you started she told me not to fall in love with you because the restaurant needs you more than I do?”

“Good thing you didn't then,” You smiled, leaning in a little closer and resting your hand on Carm's cheek. “I can stay.”

You leaned in and closed the gap between you, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He hesitated for a moment before kissing you back, surging forward.

Your arms wrapped around Carm's neck as he eased you onto your back, the kiss deepening. All the stress of the evening melted away as you felt Carm touch you carefully, smiling into the kiss as you reached for the hem of his white t-shirt and tugged it up.

It didn't like long to have Carm completely stripped, a frown on his face as he looked at you.

“Well this isn't a fair trade.”

“No?” You smiled, picking at your pajama top. “ Well I'm not stopping you leveling the field.”

It took a little longer for you to be stripped, your breath catching in your throat as Carm took his time removing your pajamas, leaving a trail of kisses on your skin as he did. You felt exposed, laying on the couch in your deeply unsexy mismatched bra and panties, but in the most wonderful way.

“Still not quite even,” You smiled softly, reaching out to gently stroke Carm's cheek and beaming when he leaned down to kiss you, his hand gripping your waist.

“You're right,” Carm murmured softly, pulling back and meeting your eyes. “It's not fair.”

He sat back, his hand slowly moving down to grip the waistband of your panties. You kept your eyes on him as he slowly peeled them down your thighs, stopping after a moment.

“Close enough.” He grinned,his hands moving to your thighs and lifting them up. Your breath hitched in your throat as you watched him move between your legs, closing your eyes as he slowly spread your legs, feeling the material of your panties rub against your leg.

“Oh god,” You breathed as you felt Carm lick a stripe along your already soaked folds, his hands gripping your thighs and holding you in place. His movements were achingly slow as he licked you, one of his hands slowly moving along your thigh.

It had been a long while since you'd felt so good, a wave slowly building in your stomach. Any urge to beg for more was dissolved as you felt Carm's finger gently sweep across your entrance, his tongue swirling your clit. You couldn't focus on anything, your hand moving to his curls as he eased his finger into your warm entrance, your eyes clenching shut as moans tumbled from your lips.

By the time he added a second finger you felt like you were ready to fall apart, his tongue moving slowly but precisely, exactly where you needed without having to tell him.

“Oh, fuck,” You moaned as you felt yourself get closer to the edge, your free hand clamping over your forehead. “Please..I..ohh my god..”

You felt your eyes roll back into your head, your breath catching in your throat as you came, feeling like you could see stars.

You wasted no time in pulling Carm up to you, tasting yourself on his lips and letting out a moan at the sensation. He pulled at your bra straps, tugging down your bra and rolling your nipple between his thumb and finger.

“Please,” You murmured against his lips, your forehead hot against his. “Fuck me, now, please..”

“Are you sure?” Carm asked, giving you another kiss as he moved his hand down between your legs, a moan escaping you as he touched your sensitive pussy.

“We can go to your bed, or wait, or..”

“Carm,” You breathed, opening your eyes and looking at him. “Please..I can't wait. I'm on the pill, it's fine, just..please.”

He met your gaze, a look in his eyes you hadn't seen before that had you soaked even more instantly.

“Use your words,” He murmured softly, two fingers pushing back into you as you moaned. “What does my girl want?”

“Oh god,” You groaned, wanting to stay in the moment forever. “I want..I want you to fuck me, now.”

“Anything my girl wants,” Carm grinned, slowly easing his fingers out of you and replacing them with his thick cock, another moan escaping you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your legs hooked around his waist, wanting him as close as possible.

You felt like everything fell away around you as Carm moved slowly, getting you used to the feel of him, before he was pulling you up into his lap, his lips wrapping around your hard nipple as your nails dug into your shoulders, his hands on your waist encouraging you to set the pace.

By the time the two of you were laying on the couch, catching your breath with your arms lazily draped around each other, you wondered when you'd last been so unbearably happy.

“I'll understand if you immediately run away when I say this,” You looked over to Carm with a smile. “But.

I love you.”

He looked over to you, a wide smile on his face as he moved closer, his arm wrapping firmly around your waist.

“I love you too. Which is a shame, I guess. Gotta find a new hostess now.”

“Yeah, sucks to be you,” You grinned, moving your hand into Carm's hair. “Though before you fire me could you help me fulfill this little fantasy I have of fucking my boss at work?”

“I guess I could,” Carm grinned, leaning in to place a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Let's get in some more practice shall we?”

#the bear #the bear 🐻#the bear fic #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmen berzatto x reader #request #we got there eventually

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loveume · 1 year

Text

# lipgloss love 💖

"is it too short?" you ask nervously, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your skirt as you tug it down a bit.

itoshi rin must be unwell, there's no other explanation. he must be, because his girlfriend is standing in front of him with a skirt on, you barely wear skirts, and all he can think about is why you aren't wearing any lip gloss.

"whe–

you cut him off before he can get the words out. "you're right, i don't know what i was thinking with the skirt. pants! i'll just wear pants." you murmur before going to rummage through your closet.

you're out of the skirt and pulling a pair of pants up your thighs before he can even blink.

it didn't make sense. you have the rest of your make up on, even something pretty colored on your lips that makes them matte and not glossy like your lipgloss would. are you going to put the lipgloss on top of that? sometimes, especially in a hurry, you're smearing the tube (or applicator, it depends on which gloss you use) against your lips as you tumble out the door.

rin loves when you wear lipgloss. he pretends to be apathetic when you're covering his face in sticky kisses, but truly he loves you and your sticky kisses. he likes that he can feel them against his skin for the rest of the day, and lick them off his own lips in a fun little game of guess the flavor. you always wear lipgloss.

so why don't you have any on right now?

he watches you spin around in the pants a few times before you're pushing them off. "ughh! stupid pants make my butt look huge," you grumble, "rin! can you help me here? what am i supposed to wear?!"

"where's your lipgloss? why aren't you wearing any?"

the questions are enough to stop you in your tracks.

"my lipgloss?" you repeat incredulously, "i'm having a breakdown over what to wear for dinner at your parents and you're worried about my lipgloss?"

"you always wear lipgloss." he states, as if that should clear away any confusion.

"rin, sweetheart, we're having dinner with your parents. forgive me for wanting to look put together and wearing lipstick." you reply, tossing the pants in your hands back into your closet.

he turns away without a response, so you think the conversation has ended there going back to your task of finding an appropriate dinner outfit. you, however, are mistaken when your boyfriend returns and takes your wrist to lead you to sit at the edge of your bed.

he has your make up wipes in one hand and a tube of lipgloss in the one that just held your wrist. you stare up at him in mild surprise.

"you always look put together," he says, pulling a wipe out of the package, "and my parents don't care what you wear to dinner." he continues, tilting your chin up gently and smearing your lipstick away.

all you can do is stare at him, not daring to say anything. one, because you don't have anything to say, and two, your lips were occupied.

he sets the package of wipes down, the used one laid across the top, before he brings the tube of gloss to your mouth. he over-does the bottom lip and under-does the top one, but you can't complain.

"there. much better." he says, twisting the cap back on the tube.

you throw your arms around him before he can get too far away and press your lips against his in a kiss that makes you dizzy. you think you must look ridiculous, kissing your boyfriend in your panties and a fancy top with a mouth covered in lipgloss.

"you used way too much." is all you say when the two of you part, knowing his mouth is just as sticky as yours now.

rin's nose scrunches slightly, like it does when he's "annoyed" with you. "whatever."

"hurry up and get dressed, my parents are expecting us."

you open your mouth but before you can get the words out he beats you to it.

"wear the skirt."

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi rin #rin x reader #itoshi rin x reader #i actually loved writing this #surprising considering i don't really care for this man #i may have just changed my own mind tho #love.notes 💌

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spamgyu · 3 months

Text

PRETTY BOY // College!Mingyu AU – small purses and labels

"Even if the sky's on fire. Got you here, it's alright, with me ..."

Started off as this prompt: no bc college!mingyu as someone who lives down the hall from your dorm and you always run into him doing something questionable genre: tooth-aching fluff

this is based on these two requests - one of them i cant find bc i am a disorganized mess but it's from 🎀 and the other is from this anon

"Can you put my keys in your purse?" Mingyu batted his lashes at her, holding his car keys out.

Y/n glanced at his hand and then at the tiny shoulder bag in her hand – raising a brow at him. "I hope you know this literally only fits a lipgloss and my will to live."

Curse the current trend of tiny baguette bags – why must they be so cute yet so small, only able to hold far less than what she could probably stuff into her pockets.

It wasn't that her outfit needed a purse. They were simply getting bagels.

But it did make complete her look, and that was more than enough of an excuse to use it.

"Pleaseeee." He dragged his word.

It wasn't like his keys would take up much space anyways – it wasn't like hers that had multiple unneccesary key chains hanging off of it.

It was literally just his key fob, house keys, and dorm keys. It would take up 4 inches at most.

Taking the set with sigh, Y/n threw it in her purse before holding it out for him.

"What do you want me to do with that?" Mingyu blinked.

"It's heavy now and I don't want to carry it."

"Y/n," Mingyu let out a chuckle. "You can't possibly be ser— yeah okay."

Taking the black bag from her hand, Mingyu slipped the strap awkwardly up his arm – the tiny loop stopping mid-bicep.

"Am I serving?"

The girl let out a laugh, pulling out her phone to snap a picture at how ridiculous her boyf– her friend, looked. "You could have just held it."

"But am I serving?" He repeated, this time placing a hand on his jutted out hip.

"Yes. You served and ate." Y/n rolled her eyes at his antics – he never did stop with his foolishness since they began .... talking.

If anything, it persisted much more – Mingyu revealing more and more of his true self and y/n doing the same.

There wasn't a single day they were together that wasn't filled with laughter – laughs that left tears in their eyes.

"Mingyu?"

A grown woman's voice caught the two's attention – Mingyu mostly, whipping his head at the source of the familiar voice.

"Mom!" His eyes wide.

It wasn't that he was afraid, as if he was caught doing something wrong. No, never that. He was simply surprised – especially considering he lived two cities away and there was no reason for his parents to be in their college town.

"Wha- what are you guys doing here?" He leaned in to place a kiss on each of his parent's cheeks before stepping back to stand next to y/n, who was awkwardly shifting her weight from one foot to another.

If he had been any one of her friends, she would have happily stuck her hand out and introduced herself to Mingyu's parents.

But their situation was different.

They were in a grey area. For now, at least.

They were much more than friends; sharing sweet hushed words in the midst of a crowd, their hands naturally gravitating to one another when they walked side by side, his lips finding a home on her forehead whenever he greeted or bid her a goodbye.

But they weren't official either. There was no label.

"This is– um–"

"You must be Mingyu's girlfriend." The older woman cut her son off with a smile. "All we've heard during calls is your name and how wonderful you are."

"Mom." Mingyu warned through his teeth, eyes just as wide as when he first heard her call out for him earlier.

Y/n bit back the smile that threatened to form on her lips.

He talked about her.

Constantly.

More importantly, he addressed her as his girlfriend.

Y/n has always been confident in herself, and she thought she would be the same when it came to dating; but to say she didn't have some doubts in her and Mingyu would be a lie. She knew she wasn't the only one with her eyes set on the six-foot charismatic basketball player; y/n was well aware there are girls dying to be at her spot.

And sure, she may have spent some nights lying awake, thinking of the worst – the blissful past few weeks possibly coming down crashing on her. She was a realist, after all.

Mingyu could have anyone, he could be with that girl in 302 – the smart dark haired girl who seemed to know more about sports than y/n did. The one girl she could have sworn Mingyu had his eyes on before they even established a friendship.

Y/n was just like any other girl. She had her insecurities; one of them including Mingyu's true feelings for her.

Despite the fact that he was very transparent with her.

"Oh, don't act all embarrassed now." His mother waved him off. "You even have her purse up your arm. Young love–"

"Alright, we're going." Mingyu spoke quickly, tugging on y/n's arm – who was now giggling.

"It was wonderful meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim." Y/n stood her ground, despite the boy who was practically begging for the ground to swallow him whole.

"Likewise." His father nodded. "We usually have Sunday dinners, you should come along."

Y/n glanced at Mingyu. "I mean it's only fair, considering how much of my family dinners you've crashed."

"Mingyu!" Mrs. Kim gasped.

"Hey! I was invited by coach!" He cried. "I– I'll bring her along, can we please just be excused? I feel like I'm dying here."

The three of them laughed at the poor boy who cowered behind the girl that was practically half his height – dreading the conversation they were about to have the second they stepped away from his parents.

"Have a great rest of your day, kids." Mr. Kim chuckled.

"Thanks." Mingyu mumbled with a sigh, practically dragging y/n away from his parents.

"Girlfriend, huh?" She laughed as the finally reached the store front.

A suppressed groan was heard from Mingyu, using his hands to cover the redness that began to form on his face.

Y/n wasn't upset, not like what Mingyu thought in his head. In fact, she found the whole interaction, and revelation, to be cute – even more now that he was clearly quite embarrassed.

"Do you refer to me as your girlfriend to anyone else?" She brought her hands up to pull his away from his face – their fingers interlocking once they were at his side.

"Um– everyone?" Mingyu kept his eyes trained on his shoes.

"Sorry– what?" Y/n coughed.

"Well– I, we're heading there anyways and– I promise I do plan on asking you to be my girlfriend. I have it all planned it's romant–"

He was speaking fast.

It was a habit of his when he was either excited or nervous; either way, she found it absolutely adorable. Y/n didn't care to listen to the rest of his rambling, leaning up to place a quick kiss on his lips.

"This was romantic." She smiled up at him.

"Wha–"

"I'm your girlfriend."

Mingyu stood frozen, his brain still attempting to process the soft pillows that made contact with his lips – his fingers reaching up to touch the sticky gloss she had left behind.

Peach vanilla.

"I'm your boyfriend." His voice was small, almost as if he was saying it to reaffirm himself.

"Yes."

"I'm your boyfriend!" Mingyu repeated much louder this time, his lips stretched from ear to ear. "Oh, prepared to be so sick of me."

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@thegirlwhoimagined @forcheol @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @f4iryjjosh @akeminy @yonabutnotyuna @tacosandbitch @aaniag @bettybotterboughtabitofbutter @xbaekcult @alwaysalmostthere @ashkuuuu @morkswatermelonnnn @isabellah29 @lottogyu @bubbly-moon @lllucere @bo-fairykim @pluviophile-xxx @daegutowns @niktwazny303 @fragmentof-indifference @leah-rose03 @haolistic @eclliipsed @joshuahongnumbers @gyuguys @yaaaridk @christinewithluv @yoonzinoooo @jaebammie @livelikejinki @watercolureyes @whoa-jo @primoisellerose @wonwoobestboyy @rakshithanotrao @mingcouper

(for some reason it's not allowing me to tag some who wanted to be added to the perm tag list ... cries... pls check ur settings so i can for future posts)

#warning this isnt edited sorry #long time no see......#our favorite best boy is back ehehehe #ITS ALL FLUFF DONT WORRY I GOT SOME OF YALL WITH TRUST ISSUES READY TO FIGHT ME #college!mingyu au #mingyu x reader #mingyu x oc #mingyu drabble #mingyu fluff #mingyu scenarios #spamgyu pretty boy

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non-stop-imagines · 9 months

Text

Be My Baby

Prequel to Repeat That

From this, this, this, this, and this request!💖

Word Count: ~11k words w/ smau

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Black Content Creator!Reader ( Halle Bailey face claim)

Warning: Smut (p in v, masturbation (?),), Soft!Dom and protective Max, reader going into a subspace for the first time and Max handling it like a champ, Twitter Environment, mention of food, mention of alcohol, Max yearning literally the entire way through 😘 Minors DNI!!! 18+

A/N: Round of applause everyone! It's here! It's done! You all need to pat yourselves on the back for getting me through this. It was literally the most stressful yet enjoyable thing to write, because, fun fact I am a perfectionist when I am doing this for other people and I just wanted this to be all you ever hoped for. Hope you all popped your popcorn, got out a blanket, and have the lights down low. LOVE YOU ALL SO FREAKING GOSH DARN MUCH!!!💖💛💖💛💖 (Also I didn't write the fic from the song but it came on while on my way to work and I was like "wow, this is perfect")

A/N 2: All of the pictures used for the smau portions are all from pinterest and are not my own product.

Masterlist

___________________★♥★___________________

babygurlyn

Liked by f1 and 78,917 others

babygurlyn Stay tuned! 👀🏎️

tagged f1

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user1 She goin on side quests now??

user2 Finna stunt on that entire paddock in that outfit 💖😫

f1 👀👀

>babygurlyn Excited for my first race!🤩

>f1 Excited to have you 😁

user3 Okay but imagine one of the drivers falling in love with her so she can drop her punk ass dude 🫥

>user4 My money is on Lando 🧍🏼‍♀️

"You guys, I don't know how, I definitely don't know why, but we are here. Where is here you ask? Well if you didn't pay attention to the title of the video, I am in Miami for the inaugural Formula 1…hold on there's and entire name. Give me a second." You hold up a finger to your camera and reach into your fanny pack that you had strapped across your body for your phone, opening up your browser. "Formula 1 Crypto.com Miami Grand Prix." You smile back at the camera as you clumsily replace your phone back in the pack. "Like I said before, I'm not completely sure why I was chosen to attend because I have NEVER watched Formula 1, but you guys have heard me yell at my boyfriend for having it on too loud while I'm recording, so maybe that has something to do with it. Either way, thank you to Formula 1 for the invite, can't wait to learn about the sport in person" After one last bright smile to the camera, you stop the camera and drop your arm, a chipper smile still on your face as you practically bounce to the turnstiles to enter the paddock, in awe of the number of people, large buildings, and TV cameras through the area. You look for the group you were with, various other famous content creators invited to the Grand Prix, but have no luck as the crowd of people thickened, which seemed surprising to you. "Shouldn't some of these kids be at school? It's Friday!" You mildly whisper to yourself as you look for any sign of familiarity. You walk further into the area, starting to pass by the previously mentioned buildings, politely smiling at people but neglecting to ask for assistance. You initially were actively looking for the group you were with, but after a long stint of time with no familiar face, you just counted your losses and began to explore the area on your own.

Now, while you were unsure as to why you were chosen to attend the grand prix, and had absolutely no idea how Formula 1 works, you’ve always been fascinated. You would watch races in passing, as your boyfriend would have the TV hemmed up every race weekend, and have watched him play the video game a couple times, but you’ve been too afraid to ask how everything worked, not wanting to be called stupid or anything else for inquiring about something that you genuinely wanted to know more about. So being here, seeing a race weekend in person, alone, was honestly exactly what you needed, as long as you keep your ringer off so as to not have your text tone be a constant nuisance.

You decided that if you were going to explore everything yourself, it might as well be on camera, so lift up your vlogging camera which was strapped to your wrist and hit record. “Okay so…I lost everyone. I was vlogging and didn’t realize the group left and so technically I am lost. BUT I should be able to find where I need to go and you guys are going to come with me." You continue to walk further into the paddock, looking around for anything that may be able to point you in the correct direction. Somewhere along your journey, you found yourself venturing between buildings passing boxes and stacks of tires. "Okay, I'm starting to think that I'm not supposed to be here. It feels very top secret." You take another look at the cases, paying attention to the logo. "Red Bull? Like the drink?" You keep walking, camera facing you, and you looking everywhere but forward, fascinated by the behind the scenes glimpse that you were getting. Unfortunately, this meant you were blindly walking forward, unaware of the person walking the opposite direction who tried to stop for you, but you still crashed into them, bouncing back and beginning to fall backwards due to the force you walked into them with. Luckily, the unknown person was able to quickly reach around you to keep you upright, loosening their grip once they're sure you're steady on your feet, but still keeping their hands on your waist.

You look up into blue eyes, widened from the shock of the sudden interaction, messy blond hair and slightly parted pink lips that confirms the look of concern. "Sorry."

"That's okay." You were an angel to Max. It was the look of your wide brown eyes, the depth and darkness of your irises enhancing their bright innocent look, and adding to the bubbly aura you exuded. He felt the need to grin or smile at you because you were looking up at him like a scared puppy, waiting for punishment.

"I should've been watching where I was going. I really am sorry. Geez, I always do that, get too wrapped up in everything else and I don't pay attention to what's around me." You continue to grumble to yourself as you lift up your camera to stop your vlog recording.

"Hey, really, it's okay. I'm fine, still intact." Max finally lifted his hands from your waist to motion up and down his body, a gesture that makes you chuckle, lifting the mood slightly, before you continue to look around, trying to figure out where you came from. "Uh, quick question," Max's voice reminds you of his presence, his looming height still watching you curiously. You nod, allowing him to continue with his question. "Do you know who I am?" You tilt your head to the question that was posed with genuine wonder. You seemed so unphased by his presence, and he would think that even a person who disliked him would have reacted, negatively or otherwise.

"Oh, no I- are you security!? Because I really just got lost, I'm not trying to steal secrets or anything. This is my first race, I wouldn't know what secrets to steal-"

"Hey, it's fine. It was a stupid question. Uh, so, this is your first race? Have you watched Formula 1 before?" Max's arm props up the other as he reflexively scratches at his neck with a singular finger.

"Yeah, but I've never watched Formula 1 before. My boyfriend does though, I just…I don't know. I feel like he would make fun of me if I asked him about it so I've refrained." Your eyes venture down from his face for the first time, giving you a glimpse of the race suit he had on, like the ones in the couple of driver photos you noticed on the way in. "I like your costume. You must be, like, a Formula 1 super fan."

"Yeah, you can say that." The throaty chuckle that came from Max made you feel warm, a sentiment building for the stranger.

"I do have a question." It was your turn now, and the rise of Max's eyebrows in intrigue made your heart skip a beat. "Red Bull? Is there really a team for the energy drink?"

"Haha, yes. Yes, there is. I think they're pretty alright." You loved the bright laughing smile that grew on his face, it was contagious and caused you to reciprocate a short giggle.

"I can see that." You take a moment to recall what you saw while walking down the paddock earlier. "I think I saw that there was a pink team. I'll probably support them until I learn the sport and all the teams." Max chuckles lightly at your statement and briefly checks his watch for the time, something that alerts you to do the same. "Oh, I think something is supposed to start soon."

"Yeah, I definitely should get going. Oh, but let me help you first." Max starts looking up from your face and begins mentally mapping out where he needed to go.

"Oh! Uh, do you want to be in my vlog? Completely forgot about this thing." You lift up the hand that was looped through the strap of your vlog camera.

"Ah, sure. I would love to." There was that smile again, one that took up his entire face and that you had to tear your eyes from to start recording.

"Okay, guys. So, I found a sign of life." You maneuvered yourself so you were standing next to him and could see in the flipped up viewfinder that he was in the shot as well. "Everyone, this is- oh! I didn't get your name!"

"Max." After your realization, you had turned your head to look at Max so when he answers he turns his head to look into your eyes, camera be damned.

"Max…" You stop for a moment, the thinking face you make while still looking at Max was five steps past adorable. "Can I call you Maxie? I think it fits you."

"Yes, you can." Max chuckles at the refreshing innocence and oblivion that you approached him with. It was nice to be "Maxie" for a moment and not Max Verstappen.

"Everyone, this is Maxie, apparently a Red Bull super fan with this racing costume that I love," You look towards him again and wave your hand in his general vicinity after making sure the camera could see the rest of his body.

"Thank you." Max actively stops the laugh that is trying to come out, opting for a wide, flattered grin.

"You're welcome!" It was your turn now to flash a bright smile up Max that made him melt. You turn back to the camera. "Maxie here is going to help me find my way out of the, what I am assuming is, restricted area that I found my way into, so let's all say thank you to Maxie." You stop the recording and fully turn your body to Max, flipping down the viewfinder and ensuring that your camera was off. "Thank you, again. Really. This has all been pretty stressful, so it's nice to have gotten a bit of kindness today. Anyhoo, lead the way Maxie!" Max chuckles and motions in the direction you two would be going, but instead of walking in front of you he walked beside you, taking a mental snapshot of how it felt to have you beside him.

"Why has this been stressful, if you don't mind me asking?" You guys continue behind the buildings, heading what felt like further down the paddock.

"Oh, not at all. Um, well, I've had to turn the ringer on my phone down because my boyfriend has been blowing me up complaining and questioning why I came here when I know nothing about Formula 1 and that I should've asked for another ticket for him or let him go instead…The past week has been a mess in that department. And now embarrassingly getting lost and having to have a random helpful stranger, with a very comforting smile and aura by the way, assist me in finding my way. At least vlogging it lightens the blow a bit." You swing your arms a bit, looking at the buildings you're passing by.

"Thank you for the compliment. And I'm glad I am able to help, even if it is just a little bit." He purposefully does not mention your boyfriend, you've only mentioned him twice and both times gave Max chest pains. You both walk a few more steps then stop nearly in sync at the opening of another alley with a view of the paddock. "Okay, so, I believe if you walk through there and turn left there should be signs leading you to the grandstands. Hopefully there will be someone there that can lead you to where you need to go." You turn to face Max again and a gentle grin plants itself on his face, wishing he could just stay with you all day.

"Thank you again for being so kind. I hope you have a good time at the race." You smile politely and then start making your way down the alleyway between paddock buildings.

"Wait! I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?" Max closed the gap a bit between you two with a couple of steps.

"Oh, it's Yn." That adorable smile was plastered on your face when you turned back to Max.

"Well, Yn, I hope we can see each other again. At this race or another." He grinned again. Truthfully he hated seeing you leave. He hated that he actually had no time for what he was doing right now, but he could care less about that. What he loved though, was finally knowing your name and hearing it come from his mouth for the first time. It felt as natural as breathing. What he loved even more was hearing his newly minted nickname in your beautiful voice as you responded.

"Me too, Maxie! See ya!" And then, to Max's despair, you were off toward the grandstands and he had to turn back to get ready for FP1.

You stalk up to the Red Bull motorhome, showing security the necessary pass before walking into the building, grinning politely at people in passing until a woman approaches you smiling and holding another pass.

"Yn! Hi, I'm Carrie, I'm the head of hospitality for Red Bull Racing." She holds out her empty hand that you meet with a handshake. "Welcome to Monaco. I'm glad to see that you made it here in one piece." She waves for you to follow her and hands you the pass as you two begin to walk out of the building and across the paddock.

"I'm glad too, the Miami, uh," You took a moment to remember the Formula 1 lingo you’ve learned since Miami. "Paddock. The Miami paddock was a walk in the park compared to this one." You giggle and follow Carrie into what you assume is the garage.

"Yeah, Monaco is a very complicated place on many different levels." She continues to lead you through the barriers of the garage.

"Can I ask a quick question?" You both stop and move to the side . "Is it Red Bull that invited me here or, you know…Max?" You weren't sure why, but you were desperate to know this information.

"Both. But I will say that was Max's idea." She points to the pass she gave you and you guys continue to walk further into the garage. "Well, it was more of a demand. But either way, he wants you in that garage with him." Those were some of the last words exchanged between you and Carrie sans you thanking her and her telling you to have a good time before a familiar face turns towards you, the bored stone face he had quickly morphing to his contagious smile that you can't help but return.

"Hey!" He approaches you with his arms out and hesitantly pulls you into a side hug, only truly doing so once you approach him with both arms out, wrapping them around his torso.

"Hi, Max." You try hard to make your voice sound chipper, trying to camouflage the pain and stress from the past week.

"Wait a minute, what happened to Maxie?" You hadn't let go of him yet, and he was completely fine with it. You were too busy finding comfort in the scent of his cologne in his polo, and he was too busy reveling in the feel of your body in his arm.

"Sorry, Maxie. These past few weeks have been a doozy." You abruptly let go of him, to which he reacts quickly and does the same, allowing you to straighten out his shirt and ensure that none of your makeup had transferred.

"Well, do you want to go talk about it?" Max had quickly missed your touch once you were done fixing him up, so, upon his proposition, he reached out to touch your elbow, dipping his head a little to look into your eyes.

"No, no. I'll be fine. You're probably busy, anyway." You look towards the people Max was talking to the moment before you entered, their eyes urging Max back over.

"They can wait. It's Thursday, we have all day." Max looks over to the people now, his face not visible from the angle you looked at him but you were able to see annoyance and slight fright in their eyes before they turn and go on to do some other pre-race weekend task.

"Oh, okay." You don't know when Max got a grasp on your hand, but as quick as you answered you were being guided in the direction opposite of the open Red Bull garage leading to the pitlane. The short walk was wordless, but you could feel that Max's aura was…unwelcoming as you two walked by people that would have stopped him if they didn't feel like he would have bitten their head off. Max reaches a door that he quickly opens and shuts and then, almost as if he were two different people, his demeanor softens as he nervously grabs two chairs so you two could sit facing each other.

"Sorry about that. People tend to bother me unless I look like I'm headed somewhere pissed off." He chuckles and waits for you to sit before sitting himself.

"I see. That's okay. Trust me, I know that sometimes you just don't want to be bothered." After your affirming statement, you two sit quietly in Max's driver room, silently studying each other.

"So, how have you been?" You speak up first, postponing explaining how the past couple of weeks have gone for you.

"Fine. Been pretty happy with how the team has been performing and…what?" Max stops in the middle of his spiel when he sees a small twist in your facial expression, a slight crinkle producing between your eyebrows.

"Oh, nothing. Sorry. Continue, please." You immediately brighten your face attempting to get Max to continue talking, but it doesn't work. Instead, a tired neutral expression settles on his face.

"No, what's wrong?" You seem to instinctively cower under his intense gaze, having no choice but to answer.

"Nothing, I just…no, nevermind. It's not important. Keep going." You force a smile onto your face, or at least a mild grin with widened eyes, anything to signal that you were ready to listen to whatever he had to say.

"No, Yn. Don't do that. What's wrong?" Max leans forward from his previously reclined position, his complete focus on you. It was interesting seeing his face in that moment, eyes noticeably more wide open but still holding a soft, attentive gaze and his mouth clamped shut producing a straight line with his lips, adding the tone of seriousness to his expression.

"It's just that, I want to hear how you've been doing. Not how driving is or how the team is doing, even though I know that's part of how you're doing. I just don't understand that stuff, yet." At this point you've looked away from Max, placing all of your visual attention on you nails, running your thumb along the white gel polish on your fingers. "I want to know how you have been doing. How have you slept? Have you done anything fun recently? Spent time with friends or family or something…"

"Ah, that's fair. Um, well…" He looks away for a moment to gather his thoughts, recounting the previous 2 weeks that were honestly full of race preparation. He then looks back up at you, your head tilted, ponytail falling to the side, your complete attention on him as indicated by large, unblinking eyes. "Truthfully, I've just been preparing for races these past couple of weeks. After Miami we had a week off, but that week was spent getting ready for back to back races with Spain last week and Monaco this week." Your eyebrows scrunch together again, but this time Max knew exactly why. "But I think I got enough sleep and slept well enough. Just didn't have enough time for leisure."

"Okay…" Your face didn't change much, except a slightly more exaggerated pout as you accepted his answer.

"Now, your turn." Max laughs at how quick your face turns to shock when you realized your stalling time had run out.

"Oh, well you know, it's sad and kinda infuriating to talk about…" You weren't looking at Max's face as you spoke but you did once you paused and it was back to the wide eyed, neutral face expression that got you talking moments before, and it worked its magic again. "Okay, well, I guess I really haven't talked about it to anyone and I really need to because this has really been ruining my mood and I don't like being sad…long story short, me and my boyfriend broke up."

If you could see into Max's chest, his heart would have been doing flips. He hated to see you sad but, boy, did he like hearing that you were single. "Oh." Max knew it was best for him to say as few words as possible, because if given the chance, he would've said everything that he wanted to when he first met you.

"Yeah. It was time, honestly. I finally realized that I deserved to be treated so much better." Your words made Max's ears perk.

"Wait, so did you break up with him, or…" his question trailed off since you nodded before he could finish.

"Yeah." You shrugged and gave him a sad grin. "He was just so mean to me. All the time. He would treat me like a child." You laugh hollowly. "After my Miami Grand Prix vlog blew up, sorry for that, by the way. Not knowing who you are and the whole 'Maxie' thing-"

"Hold on." Max's stern words startled you to silence. "You don't need to apologize for either of those things. First of all, I didn't care about whether or not you knew who I was. I actually liked the fact you didn't know who I was. Second of all, I like 'Maxie', especially, well, really only when you call me 'Maxie', but we can't have everything." You finally crack a grin, which was greater than any race win or championship he has ever received. He really just needed you to smile, even though his true goal was to get feel the bright, playful aura that you exuded when you two first met, but he knew that would require time for you to heal from your breakup and time for you to become comfortable with him, and he had nothing but time.

"Well, good. But even still, I was a bit embarrassed once the video went out and I found out who you were, but nothing too bad. It took me maybe a day and a half to get over the embarrassment and laugh with everyone. But, for some reason, my boyfriend wouldn't let it go. He was like 'How could you be so fucking stupid to not know that was Max Verstappen' and 'With how much I watch formula 1, you should have known who he was.'" You mock your ex's words, not seeing the grin that grows on Max's face, that is quickly replaced with shock when you abruptly continue talking. "How could I have known if he never gave me the time of day to teach me!! He would always just brush me off and say that I 'wouldn't understand'..." Your fiery-ness dulled. "This was the last straw for me though. Who calls someone a dumb bitch because they didn't know who someone was."

Max has never wanted to punch someone as bad as he did in that moment. He just couldn't understand how someone could be so mean to you. So degrading. You didn't deserve that. "He sounds like a cunt."

"Woah, Maxie!" A laugh. Max finally got a laugh out of you after your downward spiral. "That's… a word."

"Am I wrong? From the little bit you have told me about him, he sounds like a cunt." He shrugs and you grin, mildly, but amused.

"He was an asshole.” Nothing could have contained the smile that Max had after a split second of shock from your claim.

“Woah, there. Language.” The laughter that fills the driver’s room lifts the gloom that previously surrounded you two.

“I know. I think I need to wash my mouth out with soap now." As the laughter dies down that sad grin that Max wanted to kiss away takes root on your face once more. "It kinda sucks though, cause a small piece of me still misses him. But I think it's more because he was there for a lot of big things that happened in my life, especially with my channel and everything. So that'll take some time to get over, but I will."

"Makes sense." And truly it did make sense to Max to miss someone you've been through a lot with. Besides, Max was selfishly glad that you had such a positive outlook on the situation because it only took him a split second to answer the question he had the moment you said you broke up with your boyfriend:

Was he really going to pursue you a week after your break up?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

He then had to fill the silence that had fallen over you two, quickly realizing he was going through a similar situation, one that he only just thought to mention. "Actually, me and my girlfriend broke up…just over a month ago?" Max had to think. The event was so unemotional and uneventful that it slipped his mind.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What happened?" Max saw the pity in your eyes and tried to remedy it with a gentle smile and a shrug.

"Somewhere along the way our lives and plans didn't align anymore. It was the best for both of us." He added to a mental list another face of yours that he adored. It was contemplative, showing that you were really analyzing his situation.

"Hmm, that's pretty cool. That you both were able to come to that decision, and able to do it without anyone getting hurt." You felt your phone vibrate and went to check the importance of the notification, along with the time. "Oh! I've held you up for half an hour!"

Max slowly stands with you when you pop out of your seat at the realization. "That's fine, trust me. I'm not the biggest fan of Thursdays and all of the media stuff."

"That's fine for you, but this is my first race as a guest of Red Bull. I do not want to be known as 'the distraction'." You make sure you have everything before heading towards the door.

"You'd be the best distraction Red Bull has ever had. They'd be lucky." Max uses the advantage of his longer legs to beat you to the door, opening it for you.

"Well, let's not wait and find out." You both exit the driver room and make your way to the motorhome, finding Carrie sitting at a table doing some work on her phone.

You had already gone off toward the counter saying something about getting coffee leaving Max to talk to Carrie. "Hey, could you just make sure she's comfortable until I'm done?" Carrie looks up at Max through her eyelashes, eyebrows raised. "What?" The smile Max had was mischievous as he knew that Carrie could see through the motive of his award winning hospitality.

"Yeah, I'll make sure she's comfortable. That's my job isn't it?" She chuckles softly and looks back down at what she was doing on her phone, unable to contain a grin of amusement from watching the driver fall head over heel for the oblivious content creator.

"This is good coffee." You take a sip from the cup in your hand, smiling and greeting the woman you met earlier in the day. "Hey, wait. You're supposed to be off doing things."

"I know I just had to talk to Carrie about something." Max's eyes scan down your face, starting at your bright brown eyes traveling down your nose to your lips, which he now noticed were glossed and shiny, but as they reached your cup he could see that some of the gloss has transferred.

"Well looks like you’re done, so go.” You attempt to shoo him away but he doesn’t move, just grins at you for a moment before reaching his hand out.

“Let me see your phone.” You squint suspiciously and pout at him but still follow directions, reaching into your bag, grabbing your phone, unlocking it and handing it to him. He taps some things into the phone then hands it back to you.

“I’ll text you when I’m done. Please don’t leave before that, okay?” His face quickly turned neutral, eyes widening in request for an answer.

“Okay, I’ll try.” You crumble under his intense gaze, but still stand firm to flick your head toward the door, to which he finally leaves through after one last amused grin. You plop down in the chair on the opposite side of the table and set your coffee down on the table, all while looking at your phone. It was nothing special, just a text to his own phone that said “Yn’s number”, but it was the fact that he made his own contact name “Maxie”, the look he gave you before leaving, the fact that he urged you to stay and wait for him, it caused a flutter in your chest.

“We’ve been calling him Maxie around here for the past week. He pretends he doesn’t like it, but we all know he does.” Carrie’s voice breaks through your thoughts and you look up at her, processing the words she just said before grinning shyly, shrugging then looking back down at your phone.

"He's definitely more of a Maxie." You stare at his contact for one more moment before starting something else on your phone.

Unfortunately, meetings for Max ran late, made worse due to postponement from his tardiness, so you had to head back to your hotel without seeing him for the rest of Thursday. Friday through Sunday, on the other hand, he did as much as he could to have his eye on you, much to your oblivion. He was not going to go another moment without you in his life.

________________

redbullracing

Liked by maxverstappen1 and 180,036 others

redbullracing A new friend came to hang out with us 😍

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user5 HOW IS SHE SO PRETTY!?!?!

>redbullracing She said it was a secret 🤫

maxverstappen1 Was so glad to see you again, Yn!

>babygurlyn Was happy to see you again to Maxie! Glad we got to talk 😚

>user7 Talk about what? TALK ABOUT WHAT?

>landonorris Glad I got to meet the woman, the myth, the legend as well 😉

>babygurlyn It was lovely meeting you as well 💖

user6 Max you better come get your admin

>maxverstappen1 I'll keep an eye on them 😐

>redbullracing Hey, Max, hey 👋

redbullracing

Liked by danielricciardo and 167,472 others

realdbullracing Watch out for a video with these two besties #AustrianGP

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user8 I wish my job was trying to set me up with the love of my life 😕

danielricciardo I had the pleasure of watching them film this video, you guys are in for a treat 😁

>maxverstappen1 When were you ever there?

>danielricciardo Exactly 🥷🏼

user9 That's was literally my fav fit from her clothing haul. Absolutely stunning 🥰

babygurlyn I had a great time, but I'll say this right now, you don't want Max Verstappen to teach you how to drive

>maxverstappen1 I was nice

>babygurlyn 🫥

“Say ‘Hi.’ to the camera, Maxie.” You practically bounce into the studio where Red Bull was filming the Youtube video prior to the Austrian Grand Prix. You couldn't tell that the brightness of Max's face increased ten-fold because you were used to his smile and enthusiasm, but the crew setting up, and surely your viewers once you post this video, can see it, hiding their amusement behind the work they were doing.

"Oh, hello." He waves to the camera and then smiles his "Hello" to you, one that you respond to with a bright, exaggerated, playful smile.

"Alright, you guys. I'll talk to you later 'cause this is hush hush. Okay? Byeeee!" You cover the lens and stop the recording, then reach your arm out to give him a side hug. The hug lingers a bit, allowing Max to truly become intoxicated by the vanilla hint in your perfume. "Hi! So, who do I thank for this invitation?"

"Red Bull. And EA Sports, I guess. This video was a bit of a surprise to me too. I didn’t know they would bring you in, I think they like our dynamic.” Max has to take a step back from you once the hug breaks as precaution, he knew if he stayed too close he would reach out to touch you again. Instead he crosses his arms.

“Good. I like hanging out with you.” You tilt your head and flash that innocent smile at Max.

“I-uh-like your outfit. It’s from your new video, isn’t it?” Max pulled that information from the back of his mind, remembering how much he loved you in each outfit tried on in your latest haul, which was the last video he watched after binge watching multiple videos on your channel.

“You’ve been watching my videos!?” If Max knew this was the face he would’ve gotten after mentioning your content, widened eyes and a smile so wide that your dimples are accentuated due to the rise in your cheekbones, it would’ve been the first thing he said the moment you walked through that door. Heck, he would’ve facetimed you the moment he clicked on the first video.

“Of course. You come to my races, I watch your videos.” Max had to play it cool. He shrugs out his words, trying to make it seem as much of a normal common courtesy as possible.

“Well now I gotta make sure I come to all of your races.” You poke Max’s chest, still grinning up at him.

“I’ll make sure, trust me.” You can feel a shift in the air, the tone of Max’s words playful yet serious, his eyes and the neutral set of his face accentuating the seriousness.

“You better.” You dramatically flip your ponytail then look at the driving rig set up at the other side of the room. "So, we're using that today?"

"You're using that today. I'm just instructing." Max smiles at the concern and confusion that morphs onto your face. "Didn't they tell you what they video was?"

"No. I didn't ask. They told me I was going to be doing a video with you and I just agreed." There goes that, borderline clinically concerning, squeezing of his chest at the mere knowledge that you trusted him enough to just agree to do something with him, no questions asked. Still, he had to use this as a lesson for you.

"I'm flattered, but from now on, don't agree to anything without asking questions, please?" He gives you that stern raised eyebrow look that threateningly persuades you into answering.

"Okay, sorry." You try to maintain eye contact but your instincts get the better of you, making you look hesitantly down and away from Max.

"That's okay, no need for sorry." His smile was back on his face, trying to fix the mood in the air that he could feel changed much more than intended. He was instantly relieved when he saw the reciprocated smile you gave back. "Uh, the video. You will be driving two laps around the Austria track on the game while I direct you on how to do it."

"Oh, joy." You weren't looking at Max when you answered, instead you were nervous smiling at the set up.

"What? it won't be that bad. I'm a great teacher." Max crosses his arms and watches skepticism flash across your face.

"You probably are, but you also seem kinda stern, so that scares me. I also don't know how to drive, so…" You shrug and grin pitifully up at Max.

"Wait, you don't have your license or anything?" You couldn't help but laugh at the concerned face Max gave you after your admittance, shaking your head to wordlessly answer the question. "Why? How do you get around?" Max was truly concerned. He didn't like the idea of you taking Ubers or anything else with a virtual stranger. If it was up to him, as long as you didn't have a license he would be driving you everywhere. But it's not up to him.

"Uber, friends, things like that. I literally created a "Ride Money" account instead of just learning how to drive." Max's face doesn't change. "Driving is scary."

"No, it's not." You scrunch your eyebrows and pout at his quick matter-of-fact answer.

"Easy for you to say." You grumble, perking up a bit when a person who seemed to move around like they were in charge of this whole ordeal enters the room.

"You know what? If all goes well here I think I should teach you how to drive." Max doesn't care about who enters the room, he keeps his eyes on you, watching as your face gives away how much you are trying to listen to the conversation across the room.

"At your own risk. I'm telling you, the moment I get behind that wheel, my head gets all full and I can't think straight. It's terrible." Your focus was still on the people behind the camera, their attention now on you and Max.

"I'm sure you'll do fine here and behind the wheel of an actual car. You seem like you pick things up quickly." This compliment tears your attention away from the people and finally brings it back to him.

"Oh. Well thank you, Maxie." You pause for a beat. " I guess we'll see." Right after you spoke, almost as if it was planned, the person who seemed to be some sort of director for the video approached you two to explain how the video will work. You were listening diligently, nodding intermittently at the words being spoken, but Max, on the other hand, could only focus on you, and while a million things were moving through his head, one problem seemed to stand out: you and your lack of a license. He didn't want you to have to rely on Uber or other people. He wanted to be the one you relied on.

He wanted to make sure you were getting places safely, even if it was just a short stint of knowing.

Maybe you could come stay with him over the summer break.

The bass of the dance music blasting through the speaker of the Ibiza club had you moving and jumping in time with it. That and the 2 vodka cranberries and a Screwdriver that you've had so far. You were on stage in a VIP section behind the DJ, Martin Garrix, a name you know you've heard before who apparently are basically best friends with Max and Lando. Max watched you from the couch, nursing a single beer and keeping an eye on you. He had made a silent rule, known to others in VIP by a simple stern look whenever someone got too close to you, that no one was allowed to dance with you except for Lando, since he had a clear idea of how much Max was intrigued and infatuated by you. When a transition between songs began Max could see you trying to say something to Lando while pointing over at him before jogging, your feet moving in a shuffling manner, toward him.

"Maxie, come dance!" You grabbed his hands and tried to use all of your own strength to pull him up, almost falling backwards, but Max uses the grip he already has on your hands to pull you back to him, falling into his chest and him basically clamping you there.

"Maybe flat sandals next time will keep that from happening." You were listening, but your body told you to keep dancing to the music. As the beat crescendoed, preliminary to a bass drop, you twisted with Max, dancing like you're at a middle school dance, still hand in hand.

"It's not the shoes, I wear these all the time! And the heel is only, like, 3 inches. That was because of the vodka!" You burst out laughing and begin jumping when the beat drops in the song currently playing.

"Fine. Just be careful." He gave you a concerned smile, and in response you reached up and briefly squeezed his cheeks.

"Okaayy! Stop worrying!" You get very touchy feely when you're drunk, you knew it, so while it was a surprise to Max, it was no surprise to you that you started to mess with Max's hair, combing your fingers through the blonde strands. You guys continue dancing, but rather than it being playful like before, there was a lustful longing that moved between you two. It started with the eye contact, the natural squint in his eyes and your eyelids drooping due to you intoxication. Then it was hand placement. Max had rested his hands on your hips and you had wrapped your arms around his neck, bodies pressed against each other. You two were moving to the music, somewhat slowly, but still on beat. This lasted for nearly and entire song but there was a brief moment where you looked away to check the drinks in the table, noticing that 2 of the juice mixers were gone. You break away and head over, Max following behind immediately. Lando was sitting on the couch, one leg resting on the other, that was until you made it over and picked up the 2 empty bottles, preparing to have to go over to the bar to get more. "They're empty." You pout looking back and forth between the two bottles in your hand.

"That's what happens when you just drink the juice. We can just ask someone to get some more." Just as Max was lifting his hand to call someone over, you rebuttal.

"No, I'll go get some. The bar is right over there." You weren't wrong. The bar was just approximately 20 feet off the stage, up against the side wall of the club.

"I'll come with you." Max offers but you wave him off, grinning widely at him.

"I got this. I'm a big girl." And without giving him time to protest, you were practically bouncing away and down the stage steps, security posted there blocking the people on the dance floor from you. Max just heads back to the couch, plopping down and keeping an eye on you as you smile and say something to the bartender before handing them the bottles.

"You're right. She is very oblivious to what you're doing." Lando tells his friend, shouting over the music.

"So I am obvious?" He turns abruptly, desperate to know how someone outside of you and him saw your interaction.

"Very." Lando takes a sip of the brown liquid he had in his glass.

"So why does it seem like she doesn't know?" Max sets his beer down and runs his hands through his hair, which only annoys him more because he now knows what it feels like to have your hands in his hair. A feeling that will forever linger in his mind like everything else you do.

"Because she probably doesn't. It's Yn we're talking about. You're gonna have to be blunt." Lando downs the rest of what was in his glass and sets it down. Max was going to respond but instinctively his gaze moved over to where you stood by the bar, now accompanied by a man who was very obviously making you uncomfortable.

"What the fuck?" Was the last thing muttered by Max before he got up and bee lined to the bar.

Over at the bar a completely different, and unwanted, conversation was going on. This guy, accent indiscernible but still there, partially undone white button down, messed up dark hair and somewhat grown out 5 o'clock shadow, has made himself at home leaning against the bar right next to you.

"Now what is a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?" He keeps his hands to himself for the time being, one keeping him upright on the bar and the other perched on his hip.

"Well, I'm not alone i-" You were starting to answer, but the man began interrupting the moment the first word fell from your mouth.

"I wouldn't let you out of my sight looking like that if you were mine." He began to reach out to pull you closer by your hip, but you smacked his hand away.

"Well, I'm not yours and I never said-" You were interrupted again.

"Come on baby. I'll make tonight something you won't forget." Again, that clammy hand reached out for you and you smacked it away again, taking a step backwards and stumbling a bit into a person behind you.

"Sorry." You say to the person, who seemed to be looking at something in the direction of the perv in front of you that you couldn't quite see so just ignore it. "Listen. Ion want you to touch me, Ion want to go anywhere with you an' 'm not here alone."

"So who are you here with, 'cause I don't see him around." The guy exaggeratedly looks around the vicinity like he's looking out at sea then turns back to you mockingly.

"She's with me, asshole." You don't know when Max showed up, standing extremely close to your side, but it soon clicked that the person you bumped into was watching Max storm over your way.

"Dude, you're Max Verstappen." The guy has his mouth wide open in shock, eyes full of pure joy from seeing the driver, as if he wasn't harassing you just moments before.

"And you were fucking with my girlfriend." The words just slipped out before he could stop them, but in the meantime that was second in his mind to the situation at hand.

"Hey, if I knew she was your girl, I would've-" The guy started to take a few steps back but was yanked closer again by Max grabbing his shirt.

"You shouldn't be doing this shit to any woman." Max's hand started twitching, he wanted to punch the asshole so bad, but a small nudge with your elbow parted those dark clouds for him and made him look at you, hand still holding the guy by his shirt. You lift up the glass bottles of orange juice and cranberry juice.

"I have the juices. Let's head back. He's not worth it, anyway." You were holding eye contact with Max, but a quick flash of your eyes to his hand clued him into the fact that his hand was in a fist that he quickly releases along with the guy. He then turns to take the bottles from you, occupying his hands.

"Let's go." He lets you walk ahead of him, watching you walk past before following you, scowling at the guy as he passes. "Stop being a dick." We the last words he muttered to him before fully following you to the on-stage VIP section.

"Are you okay?" Max finally asks after setting down the bottles and placing his hands on your shoulders.

"Maxie, I'm fine." You play with the bottom hem of his shirt grinning innocently up at him.

"Okay, okay." Neither of you move for a moment, just looking into each other's eyes before your brain bounces back to the previous encounter.

"I held my own down there, didn't I?" Your smile brightens as you talk about how proud you were of yourself, and Max gave you an almost equal smile in return.

"Yes, you did. I'm proud." Max's tone was playful to match yours, but he truly was surprised at how you had handled yourself, not letting the man persuade you.

"Yay! Now, let's finish out this night with a bang!" You let go of Max's shirt and skip over to the table and take one of the stacked small plastic cups and pour a small shot of straight Belvedere vodka, smiling mischievously at Max after you do. You were going to drive him crazy.

_______

"Noooo. Don't go. Help me get ready for bed." You hold on to Max's hand trying to pull him into your hotel room after finally getting back from the club. Max had unlocked it, since he kept your key for you, and was just holding the door open waiting for you to walk in.

"You don't need me to help. You'll be fine. Remember, you're a big girl." He reiterated your claim from earlier in the night, removing his hand from the door and replacing it with his back so he could push back your locs that were all askew from your bouncy movements.

"I lied. I'm a baby that needs help getting in her pajamas." You were pouting now, swinging Max's arm back and forth. He had to take a moment to admire your face, soft, innocent. You were the definition of loveliness.

"Fine. In." You cheer and skip inside. "But I am not going to help you into your pajamas."

After entering your room he helped you with the basics of getting ready to go to bed, like helping you out of your shoes, finding a makeup wipe to at least get some of what you were wearing off and getting out an oversized T-shirt and what seemed like pajama shorts while you brushed your teeth, which was after he spent 3 minutes coaxing you to do so.

"Don't you want the shorts?" Max held them out to you while you climbed into bed with only the oversized shirt over your undergarments.

"No, it's too hot for that." You cuddle under the heavy hotel bed blanket then flutter your eyelashes at Max. "You gotta kiss me goodnight, boyfriend." You waggle your eyebrows after making Max for his words from earlier. The words he hoped and prayed you didn't pay attention to.

"I thought you didn't hear that." He walks over slowly to the head of your bed, smiling nervously.

"Oh I did. I thought it was funny that was what you went with, but it did the trick." You giggle and poke his side, the physical representation of you metaphorically bursting his balloon. You thought what he said was just an act. Of course.

"Yeah, well…" He shrugged and stood there, contemplating whether or not he was going to tell you. Right now didn't feel like the right time, and his hesitation made it worse. No, not now, but soon.

"Come on, sir. Still waiting for my kiss." You were pointing toward your forehead, right in between your eyebrows, to which Max sighs but obliges to, giving you a short peck in the forehead. You don't let him go though. Next you point to your nose and again you receive a short peck. Then you finally point to your now exaggeratedly puckered lips.

"I'm not kissing your lips." This can't be the moment he first kissed you. It was supposed to be much more grand than this. That's what you deserved, but you insisted.

“Come on, I’m not asking you to make out with me. Just a small peck.” You pucker your lips again and after a small moment of hesitation, Max bends down to kiss you, gently placing his lips on yours. It happened in slow motion and felt like it lasted eternity, or at least you both wish it lasted eternity. The small kiss made both of your heads swirl, but unfortunately for Max, you just blamed it on your intoxication. When he pulled back you were looking at him with a soft, sweet look, an equally sweet grin on your lips, enticing him for more, but instead he straightened up, still keeping his gaze down on you. “Goodnight, Maxie.”

“Goodnight, Yn.” Max smiles at you one last time then heads toward the door of your room, turning off the light and then finally exiting. He was going to tell you. He had to tell you. Soon.

babygurlyn

Liked by maxverstappen1 and 118,307 others

babygurlyn Summer Summer Summer Time,☀️

tagged maxverstappen1, landonorris and martingarrix

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user10 So glad I'm part of this multiverse timeline 🥲

user11 I'm gonna need to know who took the first pic. It's for research.

>maxverstappen1 🖐🏻

>user11 THE ANSWER THE WORLD WANTED

maxverstappen1 Glad you were able to come along on the summer break

>babygurlyn Glad I was invited 🥰 (not glad you took a Zoom meeting in the middle of our boat day🥺)

>user13 Say sorry, Max 🫵🏽

>maxverstappen1 Sorry 😔

landonorris I call doing Yn's make-up the next video, I know I can do better

>maxverstappen1 not if your life depended on it

>user14 Coming next summer: Who can be a better mua for Yn

_____________

You strain to reach a large bowl on a high shelf in a cabinet of Max’s kitchen, the last piece needed for everything to be ready for making the chocolate chip cookies you convinced Max were necessary for you to have the best Christmas visit. As you reach, a fingertip away, you hear Max clear his throat, startling you. “Hi. I almost had it.”

Max slowly walks over your way and easily reaches up to take the bowl you were reaching for down, then turns to you with his arms crossed. “Ask for help.”

“I almost had it, jeez.” You take the bowl and place it near the ingredients that you rounded up for the cookies. The attitude you responded to him with had Max stunned. All he did was help you…

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Max follows you. Watching as you slowly grew more frustrated, going over the items on the counter over and over again and not retaining any of the information you were taking in.

“Nothing.” You grumble, still just looking at the items on the counter.

“Yn…” Max wanted to reach out and touch you so badly, pull you into him and kiss away whatever negative feeling was consuming you, but instead he places his hand on the counter and stoops his head down to get a glimpse of your face.

“You act like I can’t do anything for myself,” You snap, turning to look at him, his face scrunched in confusion. He could tell you were going to continue, so he stayed silent. “And you say you think I’m so smart and strong and independent and you like that stuff about me but you're always there doing things for me and I don’t know why! Are you lying? Just saying that stuff to not hurt my feelings cause you actually think I can’t take care of myself?”

“I know you can. That’s why I do it. You can and you’ve had to for too long.” Your face doesn’t change, still angry but slightly confused at what Max was trying to say. Now it was time for Max to be unhinged. “I don’t think you understand. It’s instinct, what I do for you. I can’t just sit back and watch you struggle. I don’t want you to ever have to struggle, even with the smallest of things.”

“Why?” That one word was Max’s last straw. Nothing could keep him from telling you how he really felt.

“I’m in love with you. I was just going to say that I like you a lot, but I would be lying and I would never lie to you. I love you, Yn.” It was almost instantaneous how quick the anger dissipated from your face.

“Oh, Maxie, I-” Max hated to have to interrupt you, but he had to finish what he was saying. Everything he had been holding in for months.

“Wait, please.” You nod and Max takes a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t know when I fell in love with you, but I knew the moment you ran into me that I couldn’t live without you. You were it for me. So that is why I treat you the way I do. Not because I don’t think you can do anything, but because I think you are too precious to lift a finger.” You two just look at each other, waiting for the other to say something. “That’s the best way I can put it.”

“Maxie,” He raises eyebrows at you, worried about what your next words will be. You lift one finger. “First, never cut me off again.” Max cracks a smile at how serious you got, but agrees and waits for your next point. You lift up a second finger. “Second, why aren’t your lips on mine?”

If people thought he was fast on track, that couldn’t even compare to how quick Max pulled you into a breathtaking kiss, hands starting on your shoulders and slowly sliding up to the sides of your face. You just wrapped your arms around his torso, finally relaxing in the arms of the man you couldn’t stop thinking about. Max felt as though he was finally alive, kissing you. Like he was merely existing before and you were the singular breath of oxygen that he needed to truly be alive. He started to walk you backwards out of the kitchen, kissing you deeper and deeper, over and over again.

“Wait, the cookies…” You weren’t sure if you were really concerned about the cookies, because you truthfully just wanted more of Max, but still you moaned out the words.

“Fuck the cookies.” Max says against your lips before turning you around and playfully chasing you to his room.

maxverstappen1

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maxverstappen1 It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year ☃️

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babygurlyn You used the caption I suggested 🥹

>maxverstappen1 It's a fairly common Christmas song

>babygurlyn Let me have this win, please 🥺

>maxverstappen1 Of course, I apologize

user15 Is it just me or does this give soft launch 🧐

>user16 No, no you're on to something

landonorris Why wasn't I invited?

>danielricciardo ?

>redbullracing ??

>maxverstappen1 Why can't I just have peace and quiet 🤦🏼‍♂️

_________

Max quickly made it a habit to have frequent check-ins with you during sex. He knew how rough he could get if he wasn't cognizant of his partner's feelings or needs and the last thing he ever wanted was for you to get hurt because he forgot himself.

"Fuck, you have no idea how much I adore your fucking pussy. Always fits me so nicely." Max was on his knees between your legs, one hand grasping your left hip, stabilizing your lower half that was already propped up by a pillow, and the other hand clamping both arms up above your head.

"Fuck, Max, this feels so good." You groan, then wince at a smack that you receive on your left ass cheek, soon smiling after because you knew it was coming.

"You did that on purpose, you little slut." You were able to manage a laugh in the midst of a moan as Max thrusted sharply into you, completely changing his rhythm to something slower but harsher. He looks away from your face for a moment, turning his attention to his dick moving in and out of you, your slick gathering more and more around him with every hitch of his hips. His attention then goes to your clit, needy and swollen and begging to be touched, and he does, using the juices coming from you to make it easier to rub languid circles on the nub. You let out whine, borderline sob, from the new sensation and Max immediately looked back up at your face, needing to see what pretty look had settled on it now. Instead of one look he was greeted with a series of them. First a partial lip bite, just the inside portion of your lip, as you looked down to watch for yourself, not knowing which sight you loved more, watching his hips thrust into your propped up pussy, or Max's long slender fingers rubbing circles on your clit. This led to look number two, which was you releasing your lips and looking up at Max, mouth agape, breathy moans and whines flowing unrestricted. This was Max's favorite look, your innocent eyes on him, flashes of lust and love presenting themselves as he fucks you so sinfully. Which is why Max abandoned his hold on your wrists to correct your last look, which was more lacking thereof since you turned your head to the side in an attempt to bury your head in your shoulder. With his newly unoccupied hand, Max grasps your face to make you look at him.

"Don't hide your face, love. You look fucking beautiful being fucked by my cock." When you finally look at him he can see a new glossiness in your eyes.

"Mmm Maxie…" Your voice had gone up an octave, another indication that something unfamiliar was happening.

"Yes, love? You okay?" Max stops moving his hips but keeps a slow soothing pace on your clit as he waits for you to respond.

"Mhm. My head feels fuzzy. Can't think." This made Max release your face and stop the movement on your clit completely.

"Oh, are you alright? Do you want me to stop?" Of course his first reaction is one of true concern. As stated before, the last thing he wanted was to hurt you.

"Nooo…" Your response was whiny and accompanied with a pitiful pout that made unspeakable thoughts run through Max's head.

"Okay, okay." He starts to caress your clit again, a sensation you seem to enjoy given the small mewls that vibrate from your throat, as he assesses the moment. His first decision was to change positions, something simpler that allowed him a bit better control of your body, which he realized became somewhat floppy, like a rag doll once your mind traveled to this unknown state. He slowly removes himself from you and momentarily stops rubbing, both losses of sensations evoking a slightly bratty whine that is absolutely adorable to him. "Give me just a moment and I'll stuff my pretty girl full again, okay?"

"Okay." You nod, face blank and waiting for your next instruction.

"Fucking hell," Max said this under his breath, eyes scanning your entire body before bring his mind back to his previous task. "Move down to the end of the bed for me, love." You do so, eagerly bouncing down to the foot of the bed with an mostly innocent grin. Max definitely saw a flash of animalistic desire in your cute face. While you did that, he got fully off the bed and stood at the foot of the bed thanking his lucky stars that the height of it perfectly aligned you with his hips.

"Maxie!" You whined and eagerly wiggled your hips, which was all the confirmation he needed for him to enter you again. He still pushed in slowly, you were already tight around him before, and now with you in what seems like a considerably sensitive mental state, he didn't want to take any chance being too rough.

"Fuck, my pretty girl feels so good around me." He stilled himself in you as he brought your legs up to wrap lazily around his hips. You, nonverbally begging for some movement, began to buck your hips while Max tried to situate himself.

"Yn, I'm gonna need you to be a good girl and stop moving for a second." His voice had a bit of sternness to it that made you stop immediately, but also caused your eyebrows to furrow in worry. "No, baby, I'm sorry. I just need a moment, okay." He waits for you to nod and the does a few more adjustments, pulling your hips closer, deciding that your right leg was the best to hold up against his hip, and moving some of your locs that got into your face during the position change before finally settling that left hand by your head and hitching his hips back so he could start his pace again. It started slow, he was still getting used to the position and angle change, but soon his previous pace was back with a vengeance. His partially bent over angle caused the top of his pelvis to graze your clit, a sensation that was amplified due to the general excessive sensitivity of the nub along with the vulnerable state of your mind. This happened with every sensation for you, it was all overwhelming, all felt too good, and instinctively you covered your face with open palms so Max couldn't see how uninhibited your facial expressions get when you were in a pure state of lust. Max wasn't having it though.

"What did I say before, love? Don't hide your face. You make such pretty faces when I fuck you." He took his hand that rested on the bed and grasped one of your hands away from your face. "Rub your clit with the other hand for me, baby." You immediately follow directions, reaching down and rubbing quick circles on the nub, chasing a climax you could feel coming. "Slower, love. Slower." You slow down the speed of your fingers but start to buck your hips in an attempt to meet Max's thrusts, which he allows. He just loves seeing his pretty little girl get off on his cock.

"I wanna cum, Maxie. Help." It had only been a moment since he told you to slow your hand and you were back at the fast pace that indicated you were fast approaching your orgasm.

"Okay, baby. I'll help you. Move your hand." You remove your hand from your clit to allow Max to replace it with his own, which also meant he had to let go of your other hand. "Play with your tits for me, love. Just don't cover that pretty little fucked out face of yours." You bring your hands to your chest, squeezing and rolling your nipple between two fingers, causing a sensation that definitely helped toward your ultimate goal of cumming. Max had to keep tabs on himself as well, feeling his own self coming close to his end with each squeeze he received from your clenching pussy.

" 'm cumming!" This exclamation was followed by a long sobbing whine and your pussy spastically clenched around Max's dick, which removed quick yet carefully from you, still continuing to stroke himself and rub your clit, gently now to help bring you down. He leaned over to give you a sloppy, unfocused kiss as he chased his own climax he was achieving with his hand. As he got closer he removed his hand from your clit and placed it next to your torso, bracing himself as he finally reached his orgasm, his forehead pressed against yours as strings of cum landed on your stomach.

Max had to take a moment to catch his breath before thinking of what to do next. After a few seconds, he looked up at your face. Your eyes were closed but he could tell you were still awake and coming down from your orgasm from the quiet whines that vibrated through your chest. He then regains enough balance to head to the bathroom and grab a warm damp towel that he first presses against your sensitive pussy, pressing kisses on your forehead as he does so, then uses it to wipe the cum off of your stomach. He was about to go and take it to the laundry room, but you gently grabbed his unoccupied hand, stopping him in his tracks. You say no words, just open up your arms, inviting him in for a cuddle and he does not hesitate to toss the used rag into the empty hamper and fall back into bed with you, first helping you back up to the head of the bed before pulling you into a bear hug. It was almost surprising to Max how quick you fell asleep once he pulled you into his arms, but it sure was the most lovely sight he has ever seen. He loved watching you sleep, being able to see the peace settle over your face. From here, he could done what he usually does in this position, recount the good the bad and the ugly of how he got to this moment with you, especially with you two making your relationship public just a couple weeks prior, but instead, for the first time ever, he just dozes off to sleep, trying to figure out what to do for breakfast.

#black reader #formula 1 #f1 imagines #formula 1 x black!reader #request #f1 x black!reader #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x black!reader #max verstappen #f1 smut #f1 x reader #f1 scenario #max verstappen smut #f1 smau #max Verstappen scenario #FINALLY FREAKING DONE 🥳#Spotify

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aphrogeneias · 5 months

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i always think about fights assistant!reader and rockstar!eddie would get in. Like they are hiding their relationship and it is insanely stressful on both of them. I imagine one fight would be about Eddie having to do a photo shoot with a model and you aren't even actually mad at him, you're just jealous this random girl is touching him the way you touch him in private. So you get all quiet and moody the rest of the day until you blow up at Eddie about it

the way i see assistant!reader is that you're a very mature person, maybe you had to mature earlier because of the career path you chose, or through other circumstances, but you're a tough cookie. but you're also shy and softspoken, although you work with people all the time, that's just the way you are.

and when you see eddie surrounded by all these other women — the models, the groupies, other artists — you can't help but feel inadequate, it's natural. they're everything you're "not". the sex symbols and the bombshells, the girls who wrap themselves around him and try to get him in their beds, or backstage, or anywhere with a flat enough surface.

you know it's not his fault, and it's not the girls' fault either, as far as they know he's single. but that hurts because comparison hurts, it is the thief of joy after all. you see the model your boss hired all over him, in a leather bikini, matching his own leather outfit, and the way her red manicured hands grab his arms and shoulders, it's like they're clawing at your own heart.

you feel silly, like a teenage girl again. pining over the guy she can't have, but you have him. just not in the way that matters most.

when eddie finds you later, sitting in another room, obsessing over your notebook. scrapping notes over their schedule, anxiously bouncing your leg. he comes up behind you to hug you around the shoulders, but you flinch. he flinches too, unaccostumed with that kind of reaction.

"what happened, baby?"

"i don't wanna talk to you right now, eddie."

he takes a step back, still facing the back of her neck. his stomach drops. he wants to reach out, but her posture remains guarded. instead, he faces her.

"what do you mean you don't want to talk? did i do something?"

you don't answer, still not meeting his pleading eyes. "did i do something, y/n?"

he never calls you by your name. tears flood your eyes, but you don't let them spill. vulnerability is something you had to unlearn, and eddie still couldn't get through that wall if you didn't want him to.

"no, eddie. i did." you swallow through your tears. they still don't fall. "i made a stupid decision and now i need to face the consequences," a bitter chuckle rises up your throat, "figures."

it takes eddie a while, but he catches up. "am i your stupid decision?"

slow steps. the sound of your notebook left opened on the table, a pen hits the surface. your feet meet the ground, and you stand. still, you don't know what to say.

"i'm having to repeat myself a lot here, sweetheart," there's disappointment in his tone. "why am i a fucking stupid decision? because of a photoshoot? because of my fans? or because you weren't brave enough to be seen with me?"

eddie barks, but he never bites. the way his eyes are set on you, a hard line on his brows, says otherwise. but you can't let him explode, can't let the other hears. you're the one who makes the difficult decision again. for once, you wish he did.

"i said i don't wanna talk to you right now."

you cry once you're out of the building, behind the tinted windows of the car you requested to drive you back to the hotel. eddie cries in that same room, already regretting everything he said.

#i'll see myself out #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson fanfic #nothing else matters #anonymous

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whatsnewalycat · 3 months

Text

Designated Person | 9

Pairing: Francisco “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader

Chapter 9: Where The Wild Things Are

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Word Count: 8.6k+

Tags / Warnings: alternating pov, infidelity, past romantic & sexual relationship, angst, food mention, jealousy, alcohol & alcoholism, lying, conflict avoidance, crying, internal conflict, birthday party, a low-key dudes rule moment (bros! bros! bros!), tried my hardest hardest with Spanish but I am a white girl I’m sorry if its wrong pls let me know, a lot of dialogue like so much dialogue fuck, children, toxic relationships just bad all around

Notes: WELL HI, long time no see! I know it’s been over 6 months since I’ve updated. I went on a warpath with another series (Psychomanteum—it’s finished if you wanna check it out). But I’m back to force these two dummies to walk through hellfire 💘

[ Previous Chapter ][ Series Masterlist ]

———————————————————————————

Nothing seems right.

For what has to be the hundredth time, you sift through the sparse collection of t-shirts and dresses hanging in your closet. Each time you push a hanger aside to consider a potential outfit, your brain falls into the same pattern.

First, you wonder if Frankie would like it. Granted, if you showed up wearing a cardboard box he’d still want to fuck you.

You want him to like it more than that, though.

You want him to see you and get all weak in the knees. You want him to look at you in that way he does sometimes. That soft, magnetic look that tugs at every part of you. The one that argues against logic and speaks to intuition instead. That can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of look.

After considering this entirely reasonable and attainable goal, you picture yourself wearing the clothes through Angie’s eyes.

You dissect each potential outfit as she would. This dress too low cut, that one too frumpy, the other too short. A critical chorus of slut slut slut plays in the back of your head, accented by the memory of her manicured hands wrapped around your throat, the growl she let out when she squeezed around your windpipe.

“You little slut, I will fucking kill you.”

Throughout this whirlwind of turmoil, snippets from this morning rise to the surface and drown out everything else.

Frankie’s lips on yours, hungry and certain. His strong hands on your body, digging into your skin. The way he talked to you, voice low and strained—Whose pussy is this?

Every time these words repeat, your heart hammers in your chest. Tingles trickle out from between your legs and work up your spine.

The time before this, right after he moved in, when you fucked on the couch… you felt dirty afterwards. It sent you into a spiral of self-guilt that gnawed away at you for days. It reminded you of how sex was towards the end last time. Like you could have been anyone. Like he needed something to make him feel alive, and you were just the most ready and willing participant.

But it felt different this time.

Intimate in a way it hasn’t been in so long. It felt like an act of something bigger and stronger, like he needed you specifically. Not the rush of endorphins. Not just the heat of another person. Not a substitute for the love his wife wouldn’t give him. It felt like he needed you and nothing else would sate him.

“I won’t do that to you again, mariposa, I promise. I’ll fix it, I promise I’ll fix it, ok?”

Right about here is when indecision ties your brain off in a knot that seizes the production of valuable output.

Then you return to yourself, staring into the closet like it’s fucking Narnia, and slide the hanger aside to do it all over again.

—

Frankie collapses into a patio chair with a groan, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair before replacing his cap, then tilts his head up towards the blazing sun and closes his eyes.

When he trekked through the Andes with his team, there were nights where he felt the cold so deep in his bones, he wondered if he would ever be able to get warm again.

Right now is the opposite of that.

Right now he would give up fistfuls of cash to feel that bone-deep freeze.

He casts a longing glance at the cooler and fantasizes about drinking a cold beer. That psssch-ahsound it would make when he opened the tab. He imagines the condensation cooling his heated skin and the alcohol calming his fried nerves.

Fuck, that sounds perfect.

Through the open window to the dining room, he can hear Angie and her sister Marta gossiping to each other, talking about how so-and-so is dating what’s his face again and blah blah blah. His ears perk up when Marta segues into their personal life.

“Speaking of people getting back together… How are things with you and Frankie?”

Angie doesn’t say anything, but must make a face at her sister because she follows the question up by giggling, “What, can I not ask?”

“Ay, Marta. No seas metiche.”

A beat of silence passes. Marta must non-verbally pry, because Angie speaks again, quieter this time.

“We’ll see.” Then quickly, almost defensively, she adds, “He’s getting his act together, you know. He quit drinking, and he’s doing this parole program. It seems like… it seems like he’s trying.”

“Mmm. Is he still living with that girl? Su amante?”

Frankie knows Angie well enough to know she rolls her eyes in response.

Marta tsks, but any further conversation is cut off by a sudden commotion of squealing and bickering.

He looks down at his watch, reading 1240, and guesses that Angie’s friend Carmen arrived with her five children.

His eyes clamp shut and he fantasizes about drinking a beer. Maybe three. Hell, make it ten. Ten would do just fine. Ten would anesthetize him just enough to let him clear his head and make this whole ordeal manageable.

“Just get through today,” he tells himself, “Just one more goddamn day, then you can be done with this fucking charade.”

The backdoor opens, releasing a burst of chaotic noise. Angie and Carmen step out, and he stands at attention.

“Oh wow, look at all this,” Carmen tells Angie, “Damn girl, you really went all out, didn’t you?”

“We don’t really know what the situation will be next year, with Frankie and everything,” Angie’s eyes flick to him, and she shrugs, “So I figured, make it memorable. For all of us.”

“Sure,” Carmen nods, concern creasing her brow, then she acknowledges Frankie with a quick head-to-toe scan, “Francisco, how’re you doing?”

“Better than I deserve,” he smirks, and gestures to the gift bag hanging off her wrist, “Let me take that for you. Want anything to drink?”

She hands off the present and glances at Angie, then back to Frankie, “Can I get a beer?”

“Sure,” he nods to Angie, “How about you, amor?”

“I’ll take a beer, too.”

“Two beers coming up,” Frankie calls behind him while descending the stairs.

As he walks to the 10’ x 20’ white canopy tent, he tries to eavesdrop, but the two women talk to each other in hushed tones. He has no doubt it’s about him, though, because he hears Carmen exclaim, “Oh shit, really?” then, quieter but still distinguishable, “Good for you, mamá.”

After dropping the gift bag on the designated table, Frankie goes to the cooler to grab two cans of beer and a bottle of water, then returns to the deck, where Angie and Carmen both lean against the railing. They both murmur a thanks when he hands them their drinks.

He rubs between her shoulder blades, “Need anything else?”

“A fucking Xanax,” she jokes while cracking her beer open. He watches foam bubble up from the mouth of the can and his pulse surges green with envy. She takes a long sip, then sighs, “Mmm let’s see. Food is done, Mamá and Marta are bringing everything out. Your mom should be here with the cake any minute. You got everything set up in the tent?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Alright, well,” she takes another swig and shrugs, “Wanna get the slip ‘n’ slide going? We can get the kiddos changed into their suits.”

“You got it.”

He starts away, but she grabs his shirt to stop him.

When he turns back to her, eyebrows raised in question, her golden brown eyes meet his, then drop to his lips, “Thank you.”

His hand finds her waist and he nods, “Not a problem.”

She kisses him, and he kisses her back, thinking of you—always fucking thinking of you— as he tells himself: One more day.

—

Leah picks up on the second ring.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Tell me I shouldn’t go to this party.”

She releases a big sigh that makes you grimace, then says, “Tell me you’re not actually thinking of going.”

You glance up at the Morales residence through your windshield, sinking down into your seat when you spot Benny, Will, and Dani making their way up the driveway.

“I’m outside in my car.”

Leah is quiet for a moment before she asks, “Do you want to go?”

“Yes and no,” you watch the Millers open the door and go inside the house, “I want to see Sarah, and I wanna be there for Frankie, just because… I don’t know, everything, but…”

“But Angie?”

You nod, casting your eyes down to your hands to pick at the frayed cuticles, “I’m afraid she’s going to say something or do something to retaliate against me.”

“You did have an affair with her husband—”

“I’m well aware,” you snip.

The silence that follows wrings guilt from your stomach. A burning sensation works up your throat behind your eyes, so you pinch them shut and hang your head.

“Fuck, sorry. You’re right. She has every right to despise me. I deserve it. I shouldn’t go, it’s stupid.”

Your words come out all pathetic and warbled by tears, but you continue anyway.

“I feel so torn. I care about them a lot and I wanna be there. I want it to be better so that… fuck. I don’t know. Nevermind.”

“Why do you want it to be better?”

“It’s stupid.”

“No, I want you to tell me.”

You take a deep, shaky breath, tilting your head up towards the drooping ceiling of your car. The answer pulses through your body and tingles on the tip of your tongue. If you speak it you might shatter to dust.

Instead, you offer up a consolation prize to distract her.

“I did something I shouldn’t have,” you whisper, then swing your head down to stare at your steering wheel, “I… had sex with him.”

Leah snorts, “I fucking knew it.”

“Shut up, you did not,” you scoff, “It just happened this morning.”

“Rach owes me $10.”

“You bet that—God, you are the worst.”

You hang up on her, then stare at your phone for a few seconds before sending a text to Frankie.

< ME: < Are you sure I should come? I feel nervous

A few unresponsive seconds go by before you flip the visor down to inspect your reflection in the mirror. Not terrible. Some black smudges around your eyes. Could use some lipstick.

You remedy these problems while trying not to think too hard about what you’re about to do, lying to yourself in hopes that you can somehow warp the truth.

This will be fine.

—

By the time Frankie gets the hose hooked up to the slip ‘n’ slide, his mother- and sister-in-law are setting the last few food items out on the long folding table under the tent.

Two of Carmen’s sons dash across the deck in their swimsuits. As he passes them on the stairs, he ruffles the older one’s scraggly dark brown hair, calling after them, “Soda and water in the cooler if you boys are thirsty.”

They holler an acknowledgment as Frankie makes his way inside.

The relief of stepping into cool, conditioned air quickly dissipates as the commotion hits him.

At least a dozen conversations meld together in this wall of indistinguishable sound. He can’t quite focus on any of the vaguely familiar faces or isolate one single voice from the warble of people talking.

A heavy, frantic pounding starts in his chest. His hands start to tingle. Noises disappear completely for a second, replaced by a high-pitched ringing in his ears.

Jesus fucking Christ, I’m losing it.

He pulls a chair out from the dining room table and sits down, praying nobody notices him clench his eyes closed to inhale a deep, wide breath.

Then another.

Everything starts to come back into focus, and he tunes into someone asking, “Fish, you ok?”

He startles when a broad palm settles between his shoulder blades. Looking towards the source, he finds Will’s dusty blue eyes studying him with concern.

“Shit,” Frankie mutters, running a hand over his face before he clearing his throat and standing, “Sorry, yeah. Think I got too much heat or something.” He gives his friend a quick, one-armed hug, “Good to see you, man.”

When Will parts ways with Frankie, he gives him a look that says he doesn’t buy it for a second, but doesn’t push the subject.

His wife, Dani, approaches with a cautious smile, “Frankie, good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too” Frankie gives her a hug, “Thanks for coming.” They separate and he asks Will, “Benny here yet?”

“Yeah,” he smirks, jerking his head towards the living room, “Shooting the shit with your mom.”

“Figures,” Frankie chuckles and shakes his head, “I gotta go make my rounds, but, uhh,” he gestures from the gift box in the crook of Will’s arm to the back door, “There’s a gift table outside. Food and drinks and all that, help yourselves.”

“Catch up later, yeah?” Will nods.

Frankie mirrors the action as a few waist-high kids race past, budging in front of them when Will opens the door.

He notices a cluster of aimless partygoers lingering between the dining and living room, and starts directing the halted human traffic out to the backyard. It prods them into action, thinning out the crowded common area as he makes his way to the couch, where he finds his mom sitting with Sarah in her lap and Benny at her side. Benny says something to Sarah that makes her and her grandmother giggle.

“Is this guy bothering you?” Frankie asks, unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face.

“Francisco!”

She passes Sarah to Benny and struggles to get to her feet.

“Christ, mamá, let me help you” he mutters while taking her well-worn hands in his to pull her upright.

She’s always been a woman of small stature, barely measuring up to his shoulders once the growth spurts petered out and left him as tall as he’d always be. But each time he sees her, she seems to have shrunk a little bit more.

As soon as she steadies herself, she kisses his cheek, then pulls him down into a surprisingly tight embrace, telling him, “I missed you so much, mijo.”

“Missed you too, Ma.”

She pulls back from the hug, but holds onto his arms to look him over, “How have you been?”

“Fine,” he nods, looking away when her keen dark eyes narrow, “What about you, hmm? How was the drive?”

“Bien bien,” she waves off his questions and takes a step back to smile at the birthday girl, “She’s getting so big, Pancho. Such a pretty dress.”

Sarah grabs at the puffy hem of her skirt and giggles at the attention.

Frankie snorts in admiration at his daughter, then asks her, “You wanna go see your party, princesa?”

“Yes!”

He looks at Benny, “I gotta see if Ang needs me to do anything, do you wanna…?”

“Escort these lovey ladies?” Benny winks at Julieta, “Shit, I’d love to.”

“Jesus Christ,” Frankie mutters, then tells Sarah, “Go with Uncle Benny, I’ll be there in a minute, ok?”

She jumps off Benny’s lap and runs to the back door, leveraging her weight against the knob. It swings open and she escapes, sending Benny chasing after her, laughing, “Hey, wait up!”

Julieta starts after them just as Sarah’s bedroom door opens, and two little girls come charging towards the back door. Carmen and Angie trail behind, the former carrying a baby tucked into her side, the latter looking around with a puzzled expression pasted to her face.

“Everyone outside?” Angie asks her husband, slowing to a stop a few feet away from him while Carmen continues outside.

“Yeah. I, uhh, got the slip ‘n’ slide set up, all the food is out—anything else you need me to do?”

“Is your girl here?”

She smirks and tilts her head at him, like she’s joking or teasing, but the humor doesn’t reach her eyes.

His skittish heart skips in his chest.

Sensing a trap, Frankie searches her face and shakes his head like he doesn’t understand.

Angie raises an eyebrow at him, “Don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about.”

So fucking sick of this.

“Whatever,” he blinks, “No. I haven’t seen her yet. Anything else?”

The forced amusement immediately drops from her face and she stomps outside, slamming the door closed behind her.

He takes a deep breath, pulling his hat up to run a hand through his hair, then glances at his watch.

1308

He shakes some of the nervous energy from his fingertips and starts to pace the living room.

What if you decided not to come?

Honestly, it would make today much easier. He could just go out there and play his role. Put on his mask and blame his disposition on the ongoing legal battle. His mother, wife, and friends, they’d be none the wiser.

Something inside him lurches at the thought.

Suddenly and very clearly, he understands that if you don’t show, nothing will change. He will drive this ship into the ground.

As if on cue, the doorbell rings.

He jogs down the steps, swings the door open, and there you are, wearing a pretty floral sundress and a nervous smile.

“Hey,” he backs up to allow you entry.

“Hi,” your smile grows wider, and you step past him as you enter the house, “Long time no see.”At the foot of the stairs, you turn to face him, “Where’s the party?”

“Backyard.”

“Oh.”

When you glance down at his mouth, one hundred butterflies start chittering away at his stomach. He licks his lips and notices himself gravitating towards you. It doesn’t help that you’re doing it, too. The subtle way your body bows in his direction, inching so close he can smell the bright burst of your perfume and the damp musk of your sweat.

“Is everyone out there?”

“Pretty sure,” his eyes flick to the vacant upstairs, then back to you, “Why?”

Just an inch away, you clamp a grin closed and shrug, “No reason.”

“Uh huh,” he raises an eyebrow, daring to rest his hand on your waist. The contact floods his body with a hot, thudding pulse he can taste.

Searching his face, you slide your palm over his heart. Beneath your touch, the muscle pounds at its seams.

Against his better judgment, he leans in to capture your lips in his. Warmth spreads out from his chest through his limbs. You hook a hand behind his neck and pull him closer, your body curving flush against his.

Only hours have gone by since he last saw you, but it feels like months. It’s like that with you. Timeless when you’re together and an eternity when you’re apart.

Pulling back, you look at the floor and shake your head, “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“We shouldn’t, umm,” you swallow hard, shaking your head again as you glance upstairs, “Here, now, you know…”

He glances at the back door, “You’re right. We should get to the party.“

“Yeah,” you take a big step back and clear your lungs with a deep breath, then hold up your gift bag, “Where should I put this?”

“Right this way—”

“Wait, look at me,” you chuckle, tugging at his hand.

He faces you, asking, “What?”

You cup his cheek and lick the pad of your thumb, bringing it to his bottom lip, “Lipstick.”

Your brow furrows in concentration, tongue poking out the corner of your mouth as you scrub off the evidence.

It’s kind of adorable, the way in which you do this. Doting, almost. Reminds him of the times Mamá would catch him with a dirty face in public and try to make him more presentable.

Briefly, he pictures you as the matriarch of a rowdy crew of children. Driving a minivan to school drop-offs and extracurricular activities and family outings. It suits you.

He can’t stop his lips from curving into a smile.

“What?” you grin, eyes flicking to his.

“Nothing,” he murmurs as you tilt his face around and inspect him. “Better?”

“Better,” you nod, “How about me?”

He pinches your chin and looks you over, correcting a smudge before telling you, “All clear. You ready?”

You give a half-hearted shrug, looking around at the ground, then ask, “Your wife isn’t gonna like… yell at me in front of everyone or pelt me with produce, right? This isn’t an elaborate revenge prank?”

“Is that what all the tomatoes are for? Shit,” he teases, earning a chuckle and an eye roll from you. “No, but really. She agreed to be nice.”

“Ok,” you nod, “So I’m like allowed to talk to you and everything without worrying she’ll try to murder me?”

Frankie snorts, “She wouldn’t murder you—”

“She has literally told me ‘I will fucking kill you.’”

“That was—” he shakes his head, then brings his hands to your shoulders and stares into your eyes, “It’s gonna be fine, mariposa. We’re gonna go bullshit with people and eat some food, and then we’re gonna home and watch a stupid fucking movie. Ok?”

You laugh, dropping your gaze for a moment before returning with a bashful smile, “Ok.”

—

As you make your way down the food table, piling tamales and Spanish rice and fresh fruit on a flimsy paper plate, you feel eyes on the back of your head. Whether it’s just one set or ten, you don’t care to know, but the feeling sends a shiver up your spine.

When you reach the end of the line, you take a deep breath before turning to find a place to sit.

Like every other party, the crowd is mostly separated into cliques.

Parents from around the neighborhood stick together at a few long tables, bribing their children to eat and drink water before returning to the slip-n-slide. At another table sits Angie’s family, including the queen herself, whose pointed stare you gloss over, ignoring her and Frankie at her side. You find some familiar faces at a table near the edge of the big party tent: Benny, Will, and Dani. With them is a small, elderly woman who must be Frankie’s mom or an aunt or something, due to the striking resemblance.

The whole thing reminds you of choosing a place to sit in your high school cafeteria. Much like you did in those days, you gravitate towards an empty table nearby, but halt when some calls your name.

Frowning, you look around to find Benny waving at you.

“Over here,” he pulls out the chair beside him.

You approach with a smile, the tension held in your shoulders dissolving just a little as you take the open seat and greet everyone.

“Thanks. I didn’t know if, umm… it was ok,” you chuckle nervously and drop your eyes to your plate, shaking your head.

“Oh, come on now, you’re always welcome with us,” Benny grins, leaning back in his chair to reveal the tiny graying woman on the other side of him, “Have you met Frankie’s mom, Julieta?”

“I have not,” you reach across Benny to shake her hand, “Good to meet you, I’m—”

She waves you off and pushes her chair out behind her. You half-expect her to furiously walk away at your presence, but instead she wobbles over to you and holds her arms open.

“I know who you are. Come here, mija.”

You stand to accept the invitation, stammering out, “Oh—ok—”

Emotion wells up in your chest when her bony arms squeeze tight around you and she tells you, “Thank you for taking care of my boy.”

Not sure what to say, you just hug her back for a few long seconds. The embrace says it all. It feels maternal and earnest and brings a few tears to your eyes. When she pulls away and smiles at you, you notice she’s a little misty-eyed, too, and you smile back at her. She gives your cheek a few pats before you both return to your seats.

“How’ve you been?” Dani asks.

You contemplate the question long enough for Benny to interject.

“Well, she’s keeping Fish out of trouble so I’m sure she’s having a hell of a time.”

You shrug, “It’s nothing compared to some of the toddlers I’ve had to deal with.”

Your audience chuckles, then awaits a follow up.

“No, I, umm… I’m doing ok. Going through a breakup, so that’s tough, but… mostly I’m good.”

Why did I say that?

“A breakup?” Benny leans back and drapes an arm over the back of your chair, “What happened?”

“Oh, we don’t have to—” you laugh at your plate, stabbing a chunk of watermelon.

“Come on, give us the dirt,” Benny prods.

You shove the watermelon in your mouth and wrinkle your nose at him, shaking your head.

“Let the girl have some privacy,” Dani scolds, “If she doesn’t wanna talk about it, she doesn’t wanna talk about it.”

“If she didn’t wanna talk about it she wouldn’t’ve mentioned it,” he counters.

“It’s fine, it wasn’t even a big deal. We were only dating for a few weeks and it wasn’t a good match,” you explain, glancing around the table, “I don’t know why I said it, sorry, I’m just, umm… nervous.”

You notice Will studying you and hold his meticulous gaze for a moment before dropping your eyes to your plate. He speaks up then, drawing the fire away from you.

“Hey, that’s alright. Not like Benny has room to criticize,” he gives his brother a lopsided grin, “Remember that girl that tried to stab you?”

“Not this again,” Benny groans.

“Ok well now you have to tell me,” you say, flashing a grateful smile to Will before nudging Benny, “Come on, give me the dirt.”

“Well, if you’re gonna twist my arm about it.” He visibly shifts into storytelling mode, sitting up straighter as a glint of mischief sparks in his eyes, “First of all, I had no business dating her to begin with. She had a PT Cruiser with whiskey plates. If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is.”

—

Trying to be a halfway decent host, Frankie makes his way around the party checking in with people, introducing himself to all the unfamiliar faces and making small talk, recycling the same lines.

Drinks are in the cooler if you’re thirsty. Thanks for coming. I’m doing great, how about you?

Meanwhile, Ang seems to have taken on his former role as the champion beer drinker of the party. Every time he glances at her she’s either guzzling it down or popping open a new aluminum can.

When she and Carmen start directing slip ‘n’ slide traffic and seem sufficiently distracted, he walks up to the table where some of his favorite people are seated and takes the open chair next to Will.

“Look who it is,” Will smirks at him, “We were just talking about you.”

“Christ, do I wanna know?” he leans forward to rest his elbows on the table.

“Probably not, I was talking mad shit about you,” you tease, looking at him with a grin that makes his heart swell.

“Figures you would be,” he shoots back.

You chuckle and shake your head, “No, actually I was just telling them about how I’m teaching you to cook.”

“Oh yeah,” he looks around the table, “Did you tell them about the stir-fry?”

“Ok, you tried with the stir-fry and it was almost edible—”

“Almost edible?” Benny laughs

“Somehow the rice was both undercooked and burnt, and the veggies were mush,” you share, sitting up taller when you meet his eyes, “But it could’ve been worse. You’re learning!”

“I’m just impressed you could get him in the kitchen in the first place,” Benny says, then turns his attention to Julieta, “Mamá, you didn’t make him cook anything growing up?”

She tsks and waves him off, then explains, “His father wouldn’t let me. He was very traditional, you know, said it was women’s work.“

“It’s ok, Ma,” Frankie assures her.

“I am glad you’re learning now.” A smile stretches across her face, “You must be grateful to have such a good teacher.”

“I am, really,” he nods and glances at you before admitting, “I’d be a fucking mess without her.”

Everyone at the table seems to sit with this information in silence for a moment before Will clears his throat and asks, “Are you still working on that car?”

Frankie leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, “Here and there. Lately it’s just been collecting dust.”

“Mind if I check it out?” Will inquires, “It’s been, what, a year and a half since I’ve seen it?”

“Sure,” he frowns, looking over at you and your creased brow as if seeking permission, at which point you give a shrug, then he squints up across the yard and spots Angie talking to her mom and dad. “Let me just tell Ang so she doesn’t lose her shit if she can’t find me.”

The three men stand from the table. Frankie gives you one more glance before starting off towards his wife. With each step he takes across the grass, he wishes more and more that he could kiss you again. Give you reassurance that you’re doing great in this precarious situation.

Angie’s father glares at him as he approaches, which isn’t abnormal. Angie follows his line of sight, wobbling a bit as she lays eyes on him. Surprisingly, she smiles, “Hey!”

“Hey—”

She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him, the action so unexpected he stumbles back a step. Her lips taste of beer and poor judgment. When he pulls away, he plasters on a fake grin and says, “The guys wanna look at the car, is it ok if I slip away for a few?”

“You boys and your toys,” she rolls her eyes, “Fine, just be back for presents in a couple minutes, yeah?”

“Alright,” he searches over her shoulder, “How’s Sarah doing?”

“Good, good,” she nods, “She’s playing with Carm’s kids in the sandbox.”

“Make sure she gets some water, I don’t think she drank any with—”

“She’s fine, Francisco. I’ve got it,” she insists, patting his chest.

He studies her for a moment, then says, “Ok, I’ll be back in a minute. We’ll be in the garage if you need me.”

“Give me a kiss,” Angie demands, her long nails scraping at the nape of his neck. He leans in and presses his lips to hers, feeling nothing but irritation and disgust.

—

When Frankie and the Miller brothers disappear into the house, so does your social armor, leaving you exposed.

For a while you make scattered small talk with Julieta and Dani, discussing Sarah and the party and the weather. You watch Sarah play with her friends from a distance, not wanting to disrupt their sand castle building by approaching. Every once in a while, your eyes cheat to Angie.

A vile, familiar sensation sits heavy in your stomach.

He warned you that it might be difficult seeing them together, but you forgot how bad it hurts to witness.

The way she kissed him doesn’t help. Hanging off him, looking at him with bedroom eyes.

It’s not the same this time. He’s different now.

The foul thing in your belly goes dead weight, making you lurch.

What if he’s not?

Before you can spiral too much, you hear, “Chacha!” and realize Sarah is running towards you

“Hi, pumpkin!” you smile and outstretch your arms to catch her as she slams into you.

“I’m not a pumpkin, I’m just a girl,” she giggles.

“Are you having fun at your party?”

She grunts out an “mhmm” while you pull her up onto your lap. Her face is flushed, skin all heated and damp with sweat.

“You look like you’re hot, do you want some water?”

“Um. Ok!” she smiles.

“Ok let me get you—”

“I got it,” Dani stands and starts towards the cooler.

You murmur a thanks and return your attention to Sarah, “Thank you for letting me come to your party. I’m having so much fun.”

She giggles in response, leaning into you.

“How are you liking daycare? Do you get to play with your friends?”

She nods.

Dani returns with a cold water bottle, twisting the cap open before handing it to you.

“Here you go, sweetie,” you bring the bottle to her lips and slowly tip it back as she takes big gulps of water. Periodically, you pull it away and let her catch her breath, then start again until she pushes it away.

“Better?”

“Much better,” she nods.

“Maybe she should go inside and cool down for a minute?” Dani suggests.

Julieta leans over to feel her forehead, “Too much sun, hija.”

“Do you wanna go inside for a minute?” You ask, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Chacha will you go with me?”

“You want me to—oh, um… should we ask your mom…?” You frown at Dani, who grimaces, then Julieta.

“Just take her,” Julieta insists, “I’ll tell Angelica if she comes looking.”

“Ok. Ok sure. Let’s go, sweetie.”

You rise from the chair, sliding Sarah to your hip, then carry her up the stairs into the house. Once inside, you sit on the couch with her for a few seconds before she wriggles away and scampers off down the hallway.

“Chacha come see my room!”

“Oh my fucking god,” you whisper under your breath, glancing nervously up at the back door before following her, “Ok, but just for a minute, then we should go back out to the party.”

—

“Are you seriously calling him?” Frankie blinks, leaning back against the workbench.

Will shoots him a look while raising the phone to his ear.

“Unbelievable. It’s like six o’clock in the morning there, you’re gonna wake—”

“Hey Pope, I’m gonna put you on speaker.” Will presses a button and sets the phone down next to Frankie, “Now I want Fish to tell you what he just told me and Benny.”

Gnashing his jaw back and forth, he stares at Will, then Benny. They both watch him expectantly while Santi speaks up, his voice groggy from sleep.

“Alright, let’s hear it.”

Frankie clears his throat and rubs his mouth before saying, “I’m gonna ask Ang for a divorce.”

“Oh shit, ok.”

Will prods Frankie further, “Tell him the other part.”

“Will you just—Fuck, ok. I’m… seeing someone.”

On the other line, Santi chuckles a little, “Uh-huh.“

“Any guesses on who that might be?” Benny asks.

“Oh, I have one—”

“Wait wait wait, let me give you a hint,” Benny grins while scrolling through his phone, pushing off the hood of the car to grandstand, “On June 10–only seven weeks ago, mind you—Fish said about her, and I quote: It’s not like that, we’re only friends. To which you said—”

“—I said bull-fucking-shit!” Santi finishes, then howls, “That is fucking delicious, thank you.”

Frankie crosses his arms and shakes his head at Will, “See, this is why I didn’t wanna tell him.”

“How long?” Santi asks.

“How long what?”

“How long have you been sleeping with her?”

“It’s… complicated, ok?”

Benny giggles and repeats, “Oh, it’s complicated.”

Santi questions further, “Sure, well, let me ask you this: How long have you been in love with her?”

“Why does it matter?”

“You do, though, right? You love her?”

Frankie crosses his arms and glares at the phone, “Yeah.”

“When did that happen?”

Heat flares through his veins. He wrings his neck and mutters, “That’s a stupid question.”

“Why’s it stupid?”

“Cuz, Pope, that’s like… that’s like asking how long ago mankind came to exist. Or asking what point a chrysalis becomes a butterfly. I don’t fucking know, man, it just does. I just know that I do, I love her, and I have for… a while.”

The two men before him are silent, along with the voice on the phone. Frankie, on the other hand, finds momentum in his confession. He continues.

“And Ang… Jesus Christ, I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve felt like this with her. And the longer I think about it, the more I convince myself I never did. Not this way, like I can’t live without her, you know?” He taps his fingers against his lips, then shrugs, “Maybe I could have at one point, if I tried. But even then… I don’t like who I am when I’m with her. It doesn’t feel right. It’s like I’m wearing someone else’s skin and it doesn’t fit me.”

He glances up at Benny, then Will. Their faces are somber, but understanding. Benny approaches, leaning on the workbench beside him to rope an arm around his shoulders and give him a supportive squeeze.

“When are you gonna tell her?” Will asks.

“Soon. Not today, but this week probably.“

Benny withdraws his touch and crosses his arms in front of his chest, “She’ll go right for the jugular. You know that, right?”

“I know.” Frankie takes off his cap to run a hand through his hair, then puts it back, “She’s gonna try to take Sarah. Fuck, I’m gonna need another goddamn lawyer, aren’t I?”

“Can you afford that right now?” Will furrows his brow, studying him, “Be honest.”

“Probably. Well, maybe. I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but is now the right time? You’re on parole and looking to add felony charges to your wrap sheet. Not to mention the infidelity. On paper, your custody case is shit.”

Frankie shakes his head, “If I have to keep living like this… all this lying and pretending… I don’t know, man. I can’t do it anymore. Something inside me is about to break. I can feel it.”

The Millers exchange a look.

“I don’t think I’m speaking out of line by saying we all just want what’s best for you, Fish,” the voice over the phone tells him, “We want you to be happy. If you need to get out, get out.”

Frankie glances up at Will, who nods in confirmation.

“Thanks. It-it means a lot to me,” he shifts his weight to one leg, looking down at his wristwatch, “We better get back to the party. Talk soon, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Santi says, “Hang in there, buddy.”

After hanging up the phone, Will gives Frankie a pat on the shoulder, “We’ve got your back.”

As they file out of the garage into the entryway, Angie walks out from the bathroom. When she notices them climbing the steps, she calls, “Hi boys.”

To his credit, Benny puts on a convincing smile and greets her with a high five, “What’s up, Angie?”

She steps aside to let him pass, then fixes her glassy eyes on Will, “How’s the carcocha looking?”

“Better than the last time we saw it,” Will shrugs, glancing over his shoulder at Frankie, “Just needs a little TLC.”

“Needs to go to the scrapyard if you ask me,” she snorts and tilts her head at her husband as he reaches the top of the stairs, “Hey handsome.”

He gives her a half-hearted smirk, then frowns, “Where’s Sarah?”

“She’s fine, still playing. Francisco,” she tugs on his shirt, so he comes to a stop.

Jesus Christ, her breath smells like a brewery.

His eyes flick to the Millers stalled at the back door. After waving at them to clear out, he raises his eyebrows at Angie, “What?”

“I need your help with something.”

“Sure, what?”

Instead of answering him outright, she takes his hand and leads him down the hallway. His stomach twists with understanding when she pulls him through the doorway towards the bed.

“If you wanna lay down for a bit, I can take care of every—”

She turns to face him, placing her palms on his chest and sliding them up to his shoulders, “I want you to fuck me, Francisco.”

“Ang,” he chuckles with exasperation, shaking his head, “We have a backyard full of guests here, come on.”

“They’re all having fun, no one will notice.” She takes his hand and guides it to her face, gently folding down all his finger but the index and pouts, “Please, Frankie.”

He swallows a groan when she wraps her full lips around his digit and sucks. The wet hot plush of her mouth makes his eyelids flutter and weakens his resolve.

“I don’t think—”

She pulls his finger from her mouth like a lollipop and bats her eyelashes at him, cooing, “Don’t you wanna fuck me like you did the other night? Didn’t that feel good?”

“Well, yeah—”

“We can be quick.”

As she reaches for his belt, something moves at the edge of his vision.

“Mommy, Daddy!”

He looks at the doorway to find Sarah in the hall, holding one penguin toy in each of her pudgy toddler fists. A big, toothy grin spreads across her face and she giggles, galloping into the room.

Thankful for the diversion, Frankie smiles and takes a big step away from his wife, crouching down to ask Sarah, “Hey sweetheart, what’re you doing in here?”

“Showing Chacha my penguins,” she tells him, holding up her toys, “This one is an emperor penguin, and this one is a macaroni penguin!”

“Chacha?”

Something inside him drops to the floor. He looks up and sees you emerge from Sarah’s room. You pause briefly in the hallway, glancing at Angie before meeting his gaze. The pained look on your face rips his heart in two.

“I, umm…” you stammer, dropping your eyes to the floor and shaking your head, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, I was just—leaving. There’s a thing and-and I have to go.”

With this, you flee down the hall, then the stairs, your footsteps still echoing heavy in his head while the front door slams shut.

—

“Whiskey coke?”

You look up from the bar top’s glossy wood finish to give Bubba a nod.

“Ain’t seen you around here in a while,” he comments while scooping ice into a glass.

“Yeah.”

It surprises you a little, how hoarse your voice sounds. A self-awareness passes over you and you straighten your spine, glancing around the bar before digging a compact mirror from your purse. By the time you finish rubbing the bleeding mascara from your swollen eyes, Bubba is placing your drink in front of you.

You exchange the mirror for your wallet, but when you fish out your card and hold it out to Bubba, he shakes his head.

“On the house.”

“What, do I get the sad sap discount?”

He chuckles a little at this, then shrugs, “If that’s what you wanna call it.”

“Thanks.”

Leaning forward onto the bar, you pull the glass closer, then stab the ice with your straw a few times. Little bubbles of carbonation fizzle up to the surface and release the gassy scent of rail whiskey. Nostalgia sours your stomach.

“Everything alright?”

A deep ache branches out from the weight beneath your sternum and curls around your shoulders. Every cell in your body feels heavy and burdensome.

Staring at the glass, you shake your head.

“I’m all ears if you wanna talk about it.”

“It’s a long, messy story.”

“I got time.”

You glance up at him, studying his concerned expression, and sigh, “You know that guy who meets me here sometimes? Brown hair, usually wearing a hat? Started a fight that one time?”

“The vet?”

“Yeah,” you nod and swallow down the thickness in your throat, then tell him, “We’ve been off and on for years. He’s, umm… he’s married. I was their nanny when it started. I fell in love with him. He made it clear he didn’t feel the same and he wouldn’t leave his wife, but I kept seeing him because I’m an idiot.”

“Sounds like you kept seeing him because you loved him, not because you’re an idiot,” Bubba observes.

“Same difference,” you shrug and tilt your head at your drink, “He’s an alcoholic. After his wife caught us fucking, he went off the rails completely. Still kept seeing him even though he kept me at an arm’s length and drank himself dumb every night. The thing is… I never believed him when he said he couldn’t love me like I loved him. I felt it, and I thought…”

Tingles work up your throat behind your eyes, and everything becomes blurry as you choke out a sob.

“I’m sorry—”

“It’s ok.”

You shake your head and wipe away your tears, but they keep coming.

“I thought if I kept loving him he would see how good it could be and come around. I thought he would admit to himself that he does love me like I love him. I wanted that with him so bad, I just couldn’t fucking let go. Then, umm…”

You clear your throat and take a deep, shaky breath.

“I had to give him an ultimatum. Her or me. He picked her. I cut it off and tried to move on with my life. He called me a few months ago from jail and asked me to bail him out. I got roped into being his custodian while he’s on parole, so he’s been living with me. We agreed not to get involved in, umm, that way again.

“He’s been sober and opening up emotionally while working through this shit. It’s been really hard. But it’s also been good, you know, because we’ve had to hash out all these problems that we’ve ignored for years. I’ve been able to see the real him, and… I love him more than I ever have.”

“Uh-huh,” Bubba raises an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms above his beer belly, “So what happened that’s got you in a fuss? He still doesn’t love you back?”

The question pierces your heart.

Your voice balances a tightrope as you confess, “I thought he did. I really did this time, I was so fucking certain. He promised he would fix it, that we could be together—and I fucking believed him—”

Waves of emotion swell in your chest and flood your eyes with hot tears. You fold forward, burying your face in your hands, releasing sob after sob as you replay the last two months in your head and wonder how you could be so fucking stupid to think it was real.

The world around you melts away until it’s just you and that dense, pulsing pain. Like it’s always been. Like it always will be.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try to help him. It doesn’t matter that you love him more than anything else in this world. It doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters, because he doesn’t love you and he never will.

A hand rests on your shoulder blades and pulls you back to reality. So lost in your self-pity, you didn’t notice Bubba come around the bar to console you. You sit up and wipe your eyes, mumbling out an apology.

“It’s fine, darlin’. Can I do anything to help?”

Sniffling, you shake your head, “I’ll be ok.”

“You sure?”

You inhale a shattered breath and give him a weak smile, “Fifty-fifty.”

He furrows his brow and studies you for a moment before nodding, then taking a step back.

As he makes his way back to his side of the bar, you stare at your drink. A fat droplet of moisture rolls down the thick condensation lining the glass and gets swallowed up by the cardboard coaster beneath.

You wish you could forget about him.

You wish you could feel nothing.

You wish you could hurt him the way he’s hurt you.

So, you pluck out the straw, raise the cup to your lips, and start drinking.

—

The setting sun paints the wispy clouded sky above a brilliant shade of orange. Beneath his feet, the soles of Frankie’s shoes scuff against the driveway. He glances down at his mom, with her arm hooked in his, and says, “Thanks for coming out, Mamá. I hope you had a good time.”

“It was a very nice party, mijo.”

She gives him this stifled polite smile like she’s holding something back. So he prods her.

“What?”

She waves him off, “Nada nada.”

“Come on, Ma.”

They come to a stop at the driver’s side door of her car and turn to face each other. She studies him a moment, then gives in with a huff, “You have been like this all afternoon. Why?”

“Like what?”

“So stormy.”

He deflates, “Don’t worry about it.”

Her lips purse as she tilts her head at him. The ‘don’t make me smack you’ look.

“It’s messy, mom. How I’m feeling,” he wrings a hand behind his neck and shrugs, “I don’t know. Everything is a mess and it’s all my fault.”

“All your fault how? Did something happen?”

“No—well,” he catches himself, swallows, then corrects, “Yeah. I did something bad. And I lied about it. Then I got caught in the lie, and, you know…”

She nods slowly, waiting for more.

“I think I might be a bad person.”

Her expression softens when Frankie says it. She cups his cheeks and stares straight into his soul. Suddenly, he’s five years old all over again, Mamá comforting his bruised heart.

“There is a good man inside you. I know him well because he’s my son. Let him be brave.”

He absorbs this for a moment, then croaks, “Ok.”

“Give me a hug.”

He hunches over to hug her, burying his face in her neck, “Quiero mucho, mamá.”

“Yo a ti,” she squeezes him, then pulls back and asks, “Will you call me tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

He waits for her to get in her car and drive away before returning to the house. Inside, he finds Sarah and Benny reading a book on the couch, while the siren song of the party still roaring out back rubs at his nerves.

Frankie pulls out his phone to confirm you, predictably and rightfully, did not respond to his messages or calls. Reconciling with you will be a fucking nightmare. Going home to face the consequences seems less appealing with each passing second.

He starts to consider other options.

He could stay and drink. Join the party. Doubtful that Angie or any of her people would give a shit. Hell, they would probably encourage him.

Better yet, he could stay and drink by himself in the garage. There’s enough booze laying around, nobody would notice if he drained a bottle or two in order to reach that blissful numb.

He plops down on the couch next to Sarah and brings his attention to Benny’s reading.

“—‘Now stop!’ Max said and sent the wild things off to bed without their supper. And Max the king of all wild things was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all. Then all around from far away across the world he smelled good things to eat so he gave up being king of where the wild things are.

But the wild things cried, ‘Oh please don’t go—we’ll eat you up—we love you so!’ And Max said, ‘No!’ The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws but Max stepped into his private boat and waved goodbye… and sailed back over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day… and into the night of his very own room where he found his supper waiting for him… and it was still hot.”

Benny flips the paperback closed and looks down at Sarah, who yawns and rubs her eyes, then to her father.

“Still want that ride home?”

Frankie considers this for a moment before nodding, “Yeah. Let me put her to bed and talk to Ang, then we can take off.”

#designated person #frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x ofc #francisco catfish morales #frankie catfish morales #francisco morales #triple frontier #frankie morales fanfiction #frankie morales angst #x reader #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character #pedro pascal character fic

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artists-ally · 4 months

Text

{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Reader x Lucien {Pt. 3}

Welp... here you go! I shall prepare to be boiled alive. Enjoy!

Word Count: 7,525

Warnings: you know the drill. Angst, language, hurt/comfort, nasty ass cliffhanger

Tagging: @bubybubsters @thelov3lybookworm @cyrygher @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @anuttellaa @crazylokonugget @thehighlordishere @acourtofbatboydreams @thisblogisaboutabook @fabulouslyflamboyant5 @venuseuripedis

Summary: Can everything be reconciled? Be repaired? Was it all just a big misunderstanding?

~~~~~~

READER POV

THAT MORNING...

There is nothing quite as startling as waking up to the sound of silence. In a life full of chaos, full of commotion and the constant buzz of energy, silence is unsettling. Especially in a house that should be full of laughter, taunting jokes, and easy smiles.

Anger seared my heart. Branded it black. Visions of heated conversations seep into mind, flooding my vision in red.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad in my life. The fact that he chose her over me. But I refused to let him disrespect me. I said hurtful things. And a twisted part of me likes the fact that they hurt him. I wanted him to suffer and grovel as much as I have been.

It’s petty, but I don’t care.

I push myself out of bed, dragging to the bathroom to sort myself out. I look in the mirror: skin? Dry. Eyes? Puffy. Lips? Swollen. I look tired. I am tired. And no amount of sleep will fix the bone deep ache of sheer disappointment.

Gods, he is still everywhere. Even with all his stuff gone; his toothbrush, his signature scent, his body soap and cufflinks sitting in the dish behind the faucet, somehow, he’s still here. Bits and pieces of him, of his once kind words…. All of it has turned sour.

A day has yet to go by where I don’t think of him. Of his laugh. Of the way his lip trembles when he cries.

I miss him.

And every day I hate myself more for it.

I shouldn’t miss him. What did he do besides torture me with the fact that he’ll never give me the time of day? Just like Elain was doing to him. I hope he’s happy. No, I don’t. That’s a lie. I hope he’s just as miserable as I am.

That’s even more of a lie.

I dress without thinking, my outfit the same as it has been for the past month and a half after opening the restaurant. The double breasted, black chefs coat with three stars embroidered over the heart. The slithering, embroidered black filigree on the shoulders, in a slightly different sheen to make them stand out. The pants had matching details over the pockets and down the side of the pant leg. My boots slip on and I grab my cap, fitting it over my head before heading out the door to get an early start.

Every fucking day since I kicked him out has been an early start. Anything to keep myself in this place we used to call home. I should move. Repaint at the least. Change something.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Everything is painfully the same.

When I need change the most, I can’t–for the life of me–decide what I want that change to be.

It doesn’t fucking matter.

He’ll always be there.

A murmur in the back of my head of what could’ve been.

Should I be this jealous? This aggravated over this whole thing? Am I overreacting? It’s not like he cheated on me, we weren’t even together. But I wanted him so bad I was willing to kick him out because he chose someone else over me. Oh Gods… I am a horrible-

No, I stop myself. Taking a deep breath as I step down off the porch, heading down the well beaten dirt path towards the city. Your feelings are valid. He hurt you. Badly. You didn’t overreact. Some would say it might’ve been an underreaction, or how could you have let it go on this long? You are allowed to be upset, for as long as you need. No one can tell you otherwise.

No one can tell you otherwise. I repeat the words over and over. I stare down at the cobblestone sidewalks, firsts clenched under my arms. I chew my lip. I clench my teeth. Things I always did, and things Lucien would try to get me to stop.

He’d put a hand on my shoulder. Or grab my hand to keep from digging my nails into my palms.

No one will ever know me as well as he did.

And that shatters my soul.

The thought of having to try to explain the events of my life to someone all over again… it’ll be impossible. Why couldn’t he have just loved me back?

Before I have time to realize where I’m going, I’m at Meliora. I see Ms. Immy bustling around. I wonder if she ever sleeps.

“Ah!” She cheers when I walk in the door. “My Spirit of the Gods! How are you dear?”

I give a half smile. “I’ve been better. Just the usual for me, please.”

“You are still missing your Fox?”

I nod. I watch as she pours the bubbling water into my mug, dipping the peppermint tea bag into the liquid. She’s so methodical. I’ve been here a thousand times, and she manages to make it the same way every time. Ms. Immy dusts the top with granules of sugar, adding a mint leaf to the top. She slides it in front of me as she grabs the chocolate chip muffin from the case.

“When are you going to talk to him?”

The question throws me for a loop. I answer honestly, “I wasn’t planning on ever seeing him again.”

She snorts. “I doubt that will hold true. He misses you too.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do.”

Yes. I do. “I don’t know how to forgive him.”

“Then don’t.”

I blink. What? “So, you think I should make amends with him, but not forgive him? How does that work?”

“He is your mate, no?” I nod. “Then you love him. Why is it so difficult to forgive someone you love?”

“I don’t know,” I bit my tongue. “I don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“Yet you still want him back.”

Wow. I sound so pathetic. I cast my eyes down, tapping my fingers on the mug. “No matter how much I love him, I won’t let myself remain second place. I refuse to let myself go through to torture of always being picked next. Never first. No matter how much it hurts to stay away from him.”

She clicks her tongue, wiping down the counter behind her. Faintly, she hums a tune, its melody ringing in my ears. I feel like I knew it once. But I've been so caught up in everything that happened last month to bother trying to hold onto those types of memories.

I am losing myself.

“Do you know the meaning of Meliora?”

It’s the name of her cafe. I shrugged, “No, should I?”

“It means the place for better things, my Spirit. It is an ancient omen, an ancient oath of the Night Court. This is a Meliora, a place for better things. Seems like you could use some better things.”

“I have Latibule. I am living my dream of owning a restaurant. Better has come.”

“And it has gone,” Ms. Immy says. “Don’t fool yourself Yn. You are lost without Lucien. If he were to ask for your forgiveness, to give up Elain and all that has happened, would you accept him? If he said he only wanted you, would you have him?”

I grind my teeth together. The peppermint tea has turned to acid on my tongue. No one can tell you otherwise, no one can tell you otherwise…

“There are things in the world Yn, so precious and hard to find that it would be stupid to let it go. To trade it away over unintentional negligence. Lucien loves you. You love him. The two of you have been blessed by the Cauldron with a mate. Let it go to waste and suffer the consequences of never being able to fill that void. Let it rot your mind and heart for anyone else.”

I grind my teeth harder. Why does she insist on forgiving Lucien?

“After everything I did for him, after saving his life and rebuilding him from the ground up, he decides to repay me how? By forgetting about me and standing me up on the most important day of my life? Seems pretty unforgettable to me.”

“There is a great balance in this world. And to keep it, the Cauldron dishes out magic and illusions to offset it. Lucien got the short end of the stick and got more than he could handle.”

“Well that's not my fault.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “But it is your problem. Yn, all I’m suggesting is you give him a chance. There is no telling what will happen between you two if you don’t try.”

“I don’t want to try, what if I make things worse? What if it doesn’t work out?”

“But what if it does?” _____

But what if it does? I have been doing nothing all service besides thinking what Ms. Immy last said to me. But what if it does? I start spiriling with questions after that.

What if it does work out? Will I be able to fully trust that he won’t run back to Elaine? If it doesn't, will I just spend the rest of my life trying to find him in everyone else? Will I ever find someone else? How can I be so sure that he’ll want me in his life after I’ve kicked him out? If I see him, will I want to punch him in the face? Could I even stomach looking at him? Would I just puke from nerves and anger? Should I even bother? What if I never get the chance to-

“Yn, there is a table seated in section 8 for you,” my lovely hostess, Esmira, calls from the window.

“I’ve got six pans on right now, Es. I can’t just take a table. Where are Karos and Daxillion? They’re supposed to have a handle on this right now.”

“We’ve got a full house. It’s the High Lord and Lady, as well as her sister and the General.”

Shit. It’s midweek, why do we have a full house? Especially at lunch. From what I’ve heard amongst my staff's gossip, Lucien has been living at his house. I don’t want to see anyone. Especially someone who’s been caring for him.

“Okay… okay fine I’ll take the table. Go take their drink orders and I’ll be right back. Esro, I need you to cover my station in between checks.”

“Heard,” he calls back dutifully. He always takes the shit I give him and dusts it with gold. I should give him a raise.

I jog to the supply closet where I have an extra uniform stashed in case of an emergency. I change quickly, taking my cap off and fluffing out my hair. Not bad but… not great. I still look so tired.

Esmira scampers into the bathroom to hand me their drink list. A bottle of wine and water for the table. Easy enough.

Racking the glasses onto the carrier, I haul the bottle of wine and decanter of water to the table, plastering a courageous smile on my lips. Who knows if it’s actually convincing.

“Evening, my High Lord and Lady,” I greet. “Cassian and-” Elain. It’s Elain. What is she doing- “Elain. Good to see you out and-”

“You don’t have to pretend to be excited to see me. I know you’re not. I ruined your relationship with Lucien.”

Well, shit okay guess this is happening now. What do I say? “He made a choice, it’s not your fault.” I settled on.

But it is your problem… screw you Ms. Immy.

She looks hesitantly to the High Lord, who gives a firm nod. She sighs. “I’ve tried to stop him from pursuing me for months. He still comes back. I share no bond with the firehead.”

Firehead, ha! Why had I never thought of that one?

I just press my lips together, fighting off the prickle in my nose and throat. “Can I take your meal orders? Anything you’d like to start with?”

“He misses you, Yn.” Rhysand spoke. His violet eyes swirling with stars. “Is there a chance you’ll talk to him?”

I feel like such an outsider looking at the Inner Circle. There were so many outcomes I could’ve had in Velaris. I could’ve been a part of their Court, not just an inhabitant. But I chose the path my heart wanted, and lost the thing it needed most.

I swipe the tear away as fast as it falls.

“I’ll bring a round of bread for the table.” And I head off.

____

After I had served them their meals, bid them farewell with a pitiful look on the High Lords face, the room was a lost less crowded.

Now I’m starting to wonder if we were meant to say goodbye. Maybe there is something salvageable. But I don’t want to shred myself to pieces for a maybe. Even he is not worthy of my self destruction.

But what if it does?

“Hello?” A sultry voice says from behind me. I rack the polished pint glass and turn over my shoulder, greeted with a handsome face. Too handsome… curse these high fae. He’s got rippling muscles as he crosses his arms over his chest, eyes a vibrant, ashy caramel. And his hair… “I’m looking for Yn?”

What does he want? “Is there something I can help you with?”

“For once, my brother wasn’t reserved in his descriptions.”

What? His brother? I stare at the male, taking in his sharp nose, those eyes like fire, his hair… oh Gods-

“I’m Lucien’s brother, Eris.”

I stay silent, taking in his face. Fuck, there is a lot of Lucien there. More than I’d like to see. They have the same eyes and hair. And it hurts to see so much of him in someone else.

“Now, I don’t particularly care that much about who you are-”

Charming.

“-but I do know you made my brother happy. At one point or another. I also don’t care what happened between the two of you, but it must’ve been bad.”

“Leave.”

“Whether or not you talk to my sorry bastard brother means nothing to me. But if I have to deal with one more Court meeting where Rhys and his brute ask me if I’ve talked to him, I will rip off my own ears.”

“I asked you to leave my restaurant.”

“Is this how you treat all your customers?”

I narrowed my eyes, “You are not a customer, you haven’t ordered anything. So have a good day, Eris.”

“I’ll take a pint of ale,” he smirks. Smirks, like I’ve got all the time in the world to listen to him babble about how much he wants me to talk to Lucien.

With a viscous yank, I pull off the glass I just put away and fix it under the tap. I debate spitting in it. That most certainly would not end well for me or my restaurant. I’ve already had one Vanserra ruin my life, I don’t need another to ruin the only hope I have left.

I slap the glass down in front of him, turning around to finish unloading the clean dishes from the drying racks.

“So,” he slurps his drink, “when are you going to fix your shit with Lucien?”

“I’m not.”

“Why not?”

“Because he hasn’t earned my forgiveness.”

“What would it take?”

“Doesn’t matter. I won’t forgive him.” Can he stop asking me so many fucking questions? I just want to clean up, shut down the kitchen, hand out todays tips and go the fuck home.

“Why?”

My hands came down on the steel counter, rattling plates and saucers. “Why are you so fucking concerned with something that isn’t your problem?”

He goes quiet for a second, and I’m blessed with a moment of peace from his irritating voice. “Because, despite being nothing but a pain in my ass, he’s still my brother. And he’s miserable. And you’re the reason why.”

“No,” I snapped, ready to hurl a glass at his thick fucking skull. “He’s the reason he’s miserable. He did all the damage on his own. All I did was ask him to be there for me, and he threw me aside like a stray cat begging for a warm meal.”

“What did he do?”

“It’s none of your business, Eris. Go away, the bar is closing.”

“I still have a tab open.”

“Then come back tomorrow and pay it.”

“But I’ll be away.”

“Then it’s on the house,” I sighed, too exhausted to deal with this. “Just go. Please.”

“As soon as you tell me what he did I’ll-”

“He fucking ruined me, thats what he did.” Thank god the restaurant was empty or else the whole city would know that I’ve been completely shattered by Lucien Vanserra. Who am I kidding, I’m sure everyone already does. “All I asked was that he be there for me the day I opened my restaurant.”

Eris puts his palms up, “well? Where was he?”

“Where do you think?” The glare I sent him made him back off.

“Oh…”

I scoff, “yeah, oh. I gave up everything for him. My family, my home, my life to restore him after he fled to the Spring Court. I just wanted his support. And he was busy with a female who would rather be tortured than in his presence.”

“I don’t think it’s fair to blame Elain for-”

“I wasn’t blaming Elain,” I corrected. “Lucien let me down. Unforgivably. That's the end of it. I don’t want an apology from him, it won’t do anything for me.”

Eris let out a long sigh. “Look, I understand that he hurt you. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. He fucked up. Point blank. He’ll never be able to take back what he did and said. But is there any way that the two of you may be able to move on?”

“Move on?” I scoffed, a cruel laugh escaping me. “Move on? Eris, I confessed to him that I am his mate, and he told me I was selfish because I wasn’t happy about him and Elain.”

“Were you?”

“Of course I was,” I ran my palms over my face. “Did it hurt knowing he’d never look at me like that? Yes, but I was prepared to live with it if it meant that he got to live a happy, fulfilled life. I didn’t care who it was, it was the fact that he forgot all about me. On more than one occasion. Menu designs, recipe tastings, wine tastings… all of it. He missed all of it to go be with her.”

“So you’re jealous?”

It took everything inside me to not rear up and smack him across the face. Who does this asshole think he is? Instead of possibly earning myself more trouble, I take his glass of ale off the counter, dump it, and rinse the glass.

“I wasn’t done with-”

“Well, you’re done now. Thank you for dining with Latibule, but the restaurant is officially closed. See yourself out.”

Eris clicks his tongue, pushing off the bar. The rustling of his clothes chafes together as he walks away. “Lucien cares about you, Yn. From the very few mentions of you he’s shared, I can tell he thinks highly of you, no matter what you may think.”

Then the door snaps closed, and I’m left with nothing but a pulse in my ear and tears in my eyes.

____

After a quick mop in the kitchen I shut off all the lights and lock the front door. As I’m walking down the street, a thick, crackling scent hits me. And my stomach churns. It’s familiar, part of it still lingering in my house. But this one is more… just more.

“Eris, leave me alone.”

“I did a lap around the block, and I was thinking-”

“Hope you didn’t hurt yourself too bad.”

Eris chuckles, then laughs. “Feisty, I can see why Lucien would like you. Just give him a chance.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why are you Autumn Court fae so fucking dense?”

“Just be thankful it was me and not my father who came to see you, then you’d really see dense.”

“Please,” I rolled my eyes. “If I ever came face to face with that bastard I’d do a lot more than hurl words at him. I’m not particularly fond of you either, so be careful how you speak to me.”

“What if I arranged a meeting for the both of you? To talk things out and see if there is any common ground to be found,” Eris suggested, falling in stride with me as I walked up the path, back towards home.

“Gonna pass on that one. If I wanted to ‘arrange a meeting’, I would’ve already done it. I don’t need Lucien's big, scary older brother to do it for me,” I mocked.

“You think I’m scary?” He smiled.

“I think you’re annoying and disrespectful.”

“A lot of the High Lords of Prythian would agree, try not to be so original.”

Don’t rip out his eyes, don’t rip out his eyes. He’s just trying to get under your skin, don’t let him win.

“Come to think of it, there is one High Lord in particular who seems to agree with this idea of trying to get you and Lucien back together.”

“If you even think about dragging Rhysand into this-”

“He approached me,” Eris admits. “He’s sick of Lucien moping around the Town House all the time.”

“Then tell him my advice is to kick him out,” I bit out, more than tired of this conversation. “And stop following me, Eris. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of.”

“But I have to make sure you get home safe, Lucien would have my head if something happened to you,” Eris reasons, knocking his shoulder into mine.

“Is there an imminent threat against my life, Eris Vanserra?”

“No?”

“Then there is no need for you to walk me home.”

“But if there was an imminent threat, I would be able to protect you,” Eris smiled, and curse me… it’s a nice smile. I glare up at him, but he just smirks back.

I decided to seal my lips. If I don’t respond, he can’t get any more information out of me.

“Just think about this for a minute: if you decide to have a conversation, one of two things is going to happen. You’re either going to confirm everything you already know; he’s an uncaring, forgetful bastard who doesn’t give a shit about you or the lives you two have built together. Or, you’re going to realize the exact opposite; that he does care, and it was all a misunderstanding. And that he does care about the life the two of you have built together.”

I can’t be bothered to care about what he wants anymore. I’ve spent too much of my life caring for his every waking need. When is it my turn?

“You are his mate, Yn. It goes against every instinct in your body to reject him. Why do you keep fighting yourself on what your heart wants?”

Because he betrayed me. He completely broke my trust, ruined my image of him in one night. Why does no one understand that?

“I get it, he hurt you or whatever, but are you really going to risk the chance of eternity together with him because of one mistake?”

He and Ms. Immy would get along well. And it wasn’t just one fucking mistake, it was about seventeen. Apologies don’t mean a thing if you don’t ever fix what you did wrong. I can see my house, just a few hundred yards away. I can slam the door in his fucking face and spend the rest of my night doing anything but thinking about Lucien.

“Yn, just answer me,” Eris demands. “I know there isn’t anyone you’ve talked to.”

“No you don’t.”

“Have you talked with anyone about this?” I stay quiet. “Exactly, you need to release this. To scream and shout and yell-”

“I’ve tried that. Didn’t do anything for me.”

“Have you punched anything? I like doing that when I’m mad,” Eris snickered.

I just rolled my eyes. “I’m about to punch something soon.” He takes a step back as I finally reach my door. I unlock it and push it open, kicking off my boots at the door. I have no reason to be bitter to Eris. he’s just trying to help, trying to be there for his brother. Now, whether or not he’s doing it in the best way is certainly debatable. But at least he’s trying. I sigh, feeling incredibly defeated. “Would you like a drink?”

His smile is softer, and he gives a nod, following me inside.

As I make us a drink, he looks around the kitchen and the living room.

“Gods it looks just like the Autumn Court in here,” he chuckles, picking up a pillow from one of the chairs.

“Yeah, Lucien did most of the decorating.”

“It’s gotta be difficult to see it every day.”

I bite back a sob, “You have no idea.”

“I know I am not the easiest person to get along with, or the most…tender, but if you are hurting this bad, then I know Luc must’ve been special to you. And you special to him. So, if there is anything I can do, tell me.”

As I slid the glass across the counter, I stared at my hands. Would talking about this really make a difference? I just feel like it keeps opening up old wounds without giving them the time to heal. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on.”

Eris looks at me, thick brows knitted together. “Because you miss him?”

As much as it hurts to admit, I nod. “So fucking much, Eris.”

“Now, do you miss him, or just having someone to share a space with?”

I blink up to meet his eyes, the ashy-caramel irises full of so much life. “I miss him. I don’t know when he started distancing from me, but I clearly didn’t notice it quick enough. I started to miss his smile first. He stopped laughing for a while after he met Elain. The creases between his eyes replaced those around his mouth.”

“Yn-”

“He started being late to everything next. He would apologize but… they weren’t sincere. I tried not to be hurt by it but… I don’t know. I thought maybe it had to do with stuff happening from the Spring Court and with Tamlin. Doesn’t matter, it just kept getting worse. He’d only talk about Elain, ask for advice on what to do since ‘I was a female’.”

“Oh Lucien…” Eris rubs his eyes. “Even for him that's low.”

“Yeah. I don’t know why I didn’t snap earlier. Part of me wanted to hold onto something I knew I couldn’t have. Then came the grand opening and once he was late for that?” I shook my head, biting my lips so as to not sob in front of Eris. “Nothing he could’ve done would’ve made up for that.”

I don’t know why I’m opening up to Eris. He’s probably just going to relay it word for word back to Lucien. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

“None of what he did is excusable,” Eris says. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand. He wanted to spend time with his mate. He just wanted her to know that someone was there for her. But did he do it the right way? Absolutely not. And he fucked up, really bad.”

“Can I give you something?”

Eris just stared blankly at me. “What?”

“Just stay here for a moment,” I set my glass down, charging up the stairs. It’s been burning a hole in the bottom of my closet since I found it a few weeks ago. The lump of midnight blue fabric was a crumpled mess, but his scent still lingered on it.

I held it up to my nose. Inhaling deep. It’s time to let go.

As I stand in front of Eris, I hold out the shirt. My throat is like liquid iron. “Give this back to him, will you? It was one of his favorites.”

This shirt… this god damned shirt. It always looked so good on him. With the color of his skin and the tone of his hair. All the jewel tones made him look marvelous, but there was something about the teal color. Tears slid onto my cheeks. The first night he wore this shirt was when Rhysand and Cassian took him out to dinner. “To try and get to know me better,” Lucien said. He thought they were going to interrogate him. But he wore this shirt with dark blue pants and black leather boots. His hair was braided away from his face… I braided it back away from his face.

Eris’s hand on my cheek pulls me out of the memory and into his eyes. “Did you keep this, knowing it was his favorite, hoping one day he’d come back looking for it?”

The fact that he figured it out so easily made my blood run cold. I tried to answer, but the sound of the door creaking open made me forget what I was going to say.

My heart dropped.

Eris’s hand was frozen on my cheek.

Lucien dead still in the doorway. What is he doing here?

Eris clears his throat, taking the warmth of his hand as he drops it to his side. “Brother, perfect timing.” Perfect timing? Did he- “No, I didn’t plan this, Yn. Though I respect you for thinking me so clever.” Eris turned me, blocking my view of Lucien. He folded the wrinkled shirt in my palms. “This is your chance.”

And then he left. He slipped around Lucien with a subtle glare and shut the door behind him.

Lucien looks… he looks so…

“I thought you would be at the restaurant,” he spoke, voice low and cool. “I can came back-”

“What did you want?” I asked, curious as to why he’d be back here ever again.

“Actually I wanted um… I came here for that shirt.”

Oh. Oh. My heart hammered against my ribs. “Yeah, yeah, take it. I found it doing laundry a bit ago.”

Lucien crosses the threshold of the room and takes it from me. I’m waiting for him to ask me about Eris. To ask about how I’ve been. Or to apologize. Gods Luc, please say something.

“I see you met my brother. What did he want?”

Here we go. “He walked me home from Latibule.”

“Oh,” he nods. “Well, I hope he wasn’t too much of a pain.”

I snicker, but refrain from further details. “You look well.”

He did, he looked healthy. His arms and chest fill out his shirt in a way they never used to.

“I’ve been training with Cassian for a while,” he explained. That’ll do it, I guess.

“Sounds exhausting.”

He gives a faint chuckle, “It’s interesting.”

Then we just look at each other. My heart swells, and crashes down. My fingers and toes go numb and my head feels lighter. I want him to stop looking at me so intently, yet I don’t want him to leave. Ever again. I want him to stay here and build a home with me. A new home with new memories and new adventures. But the logical part of me knows it’ll never quite be the same.

“Why was Eris here?”

“I told you he walked me home from Latibule.” He gave me a look that screamed ‘I’m not buying that shit’. I must have no resolve because I caved instantly. “He came and found me to talk about you.”

I’ve never seen Lucien look so worried in my seventy years of knowing him. “Why?”

“He wanted to know if I’d ever forgive you. Apparently he’s tired of dealing with Rhysand begging him to talk to you so he came to me.”

“Yn,” Lucien’s eyes sulk, “If I had known Eris would’ve found you I would've just talked to him. I just wanted him gone and away from me. I didn’t mean to drag you further into this.”

“It’s fine, he only mildly insulted me. I see where you get it from.” It was a low blow, but seeing him wince made me feel a bit better. It was petty. But cathartic.

Silence stretched between us. Wrapping around me like a pit viper after delivering a lethal dose of venom to its prey. It constricted and constricted and constricted-

“I love you.”

I almost looked around the room to see if someone else spoke. But it was his mouth that moved, and it was his voice that sang.

“What?”

“I love you, Yn.”

“No-”

“I love you,” he gasps, tears filling his eyes. “I-I… I am so in love with you.”

“Lucien stop,” I beg, that numbness spreading up my arms and calves.

“I am so so fucking sorry for the way I treated you. You are so undeserving of that after all that you did for me. I was selfish and blinded by what I thought I wanted. You were right, Yn. About everything. I never once considered that it could be you because I just always knew you’d be in my life. I never thought that I’d lose you but when I did I… I broke. I can’t live without you. I need you. I love you.”

“You don’t get to decide that you want me and then waltz back into my life. That is not how this works.”

“Please Yn just give me a chance to apologize and make things right.”

“No,” I shouted, anger leaching into my tone. “No, I gave you one too many chances I think. I have given you too much, Lucien. More than enough for one lifetime and you're just now realizing that you want me back? ”

“I’ve always known I’ve loved you Yn. I just didn't understand how much. Or in what way. And I know that’s my fault and my problem. In some way I was cursed by the cauldron to have two mates. But it blessed me with one who cared enough about me to take my broken spirit and make it whole again.”

“Good luck finding someone to do it again because it will not be me this time.” I crossed my arms over my chest, turning away from him.

“Yn please just- just let me speak. I truly didn’t mean to hurt you. I got so caught up in the fact that I finally had a choice in this world that I forgot to think about everything else in my life. I never meant for you to feel anything but loved and appreciated.”

“Lucien, you somehow managed to achieve everything you meant not to do.”

A sob tore through Lucien. And one tore through me too. “You never gave up on me, not once. From day one you have always believed in me, what happened? What changed?”

“You’re complete and utter recognition of my existence changed, Lucien!” I screamed, not caring who heard me. “Ever since the war ended you haven’t paid me the closest bit of real, undivided attention. You only spoke to me if it was about Elain, what dinner was going to be, or if I had gotten the next project done on the restaurant. But not once did you ask me how I was doing or if I wanted to go out for a fun night. I just faded away into the back of your mind.”

My blood curled against my bone while I waited for a response. He stared at the floor, eyes darting around and around.

“I’m so so so sorry, Yn.”

“I’m sure you are.” More empty apologies

“How do I fix this? Tell me what to do. I’ll do fucking anything you want just tell me- please Yn I can’t leave here without saying I gave us every chance we had-”

“And I told you I gave you one too many chances to apologize.”

I refuse to be walked all over. I refuse to be second place. I refuse to be treated as anything but a first priority. My heart is too big sometimes, and I’ve been known to forgive under less likely circumstances, but this is where I draw the line.

Lucien gets down on his knees. “Please, my Yn. I have nothing without you. You are entwined in every corner and crevice of my soul. I know I’m undeserving of you. But somewhere deep down I think you still love me. Even if you hate me right now, and I do not blame you. I have been an awful person-”

“Lucien please don’t-” my throat feels like it’s swelling closed.

“-but I cannot see a future without you in it. If I don’t have you by my side, then all of this is useless. All these heartbeats, all these breaths of oxygen are worthless without you giving me a reason to have them.”

I try to get a grip on the world spinning around me, but it’s of no use. “Lucien get up.”

“No,” he shakes his head, pieces of his hair falling loose to frame his face. In times like these I would once comfort him. Place my hands on his cheeks and tell him how worthy he is of love and protection. And here he is, trying to do the same for me. “No, I need you to listen to me.”

“I don’t wanna hear what you have to say.”

“I don’t care. I have to tell you otherwise I might burn alive. I have never regretted a day more in my life than that night a month and a half ago. It haunts my every waking nightmare. On repeat, every night for me to relive and beat myself up over. I deserve every second of it. You’re right, I did discard you to the side like you were nothing. And I sweat my life on the Cauldron that I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t know I was doing it until you pointed it out to me. Then I just… I fell apart.

“I had no idea what to do, where to go. Ask anyone, for weeks I was unable to get out of bed after I came and got my stuff from here. The only person I talked to was Ms. Immy. Even she knew about it. She told me to respect your wishes, to not neglect them like I had neglected you in the past and I might have hope. So as hard as it was, I stayed away. Because I didn’t want to make things worse than they already were. Ms. Immy told me it wasn’t my fault that I neglected you- well… it was, but- but it was now my problem. To try and fix it. And she’s right, you’re right. Fucking everyone is right. I just want to fix this with you.”

It’s not your fault, but it is your problem. Damn that wise hag.

My muscles are so taught they begin to ache. I can’t handle this, I don’t want to handle this. I want him gone- no… no I want him to stay and tell me how much he’s fucked up. To validate me because he spent so much time doing the opposite.

“What if I don’t want you to fix things?” I asked. “What if I wanted you to leave and never come back?”

“That’s not an option. Being out of your life has never been an option. I want you more than anything I could think of. I am going to fix this between us one way or another, today, tomorrow, or a hundred years from now. But I will never stop trying because I love you.”

“Don’t say that,” I plead, turning away from him. His hand wrapped around my forearm, locking me in place. “Let go of me. Now.”

“Not until you give me a legit reason why we cannot fix what we have. Yn, you have given your entire life to me. Let me return all those years back to you.”

“I don’t want you t-”

“You don’t have to forgive me today, but let me try to make it up to you. My Spirit of the Gods, who cares so much more about the lives of others than her own. Let me be the one who cares about you. Let me bear the weight of your burdens.”

“Lucine stop talking.”

“No,” he roared, shaking his head. “I need you to understand that I won’t stop trying to fix things with you no matter how much you hate me. I love you too much to let you slip through my fingers. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I blew off the most important night of your life. Through everything, you were there for me, and I didn’t return the favor when it mattered most. You worked so fucking hard on Latibue, Yn. And I am so unbelievably proud of you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there to support you.”

“For Cauldron's sake, Lucien, shut up.”

“Why are you refusing to listen to anything I have to say?”

“Because if you say one more Gods damned thing about how much you love me and how fucking sorry you are, I might just forgive you and I am not ready to forgive you because I am still livid with you!” The confession tears from my lungs. I heave for a breath, carefully watching Lucien. “I’m not ready to be comforted by someone who hurt me so badly.”

“Then I’ll give you time,” Lucien’s eyes soften as he stands. “I can live with you being angry at me, but I can’t live without you at all.”

“I can’t possibly know how long that’ll take.”

“I don’t care how long it’ll take,” he shrugs. “I’ll wait until our souls pass again if I have to.”

My mind is too cluttered. My heart in too many shards. “You don’t need to wait for me. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“I know you will,” he smiles. Oh how I’ve missed his smile. His smile. “But that doesn’t mean you need to be.”

He wants to fix things, he was begging on his knees for you to listen to him. He’s okay with you being angry at him as long as you give him a chance. He loves you. He loves you back. After all these years, everything you’ve been waiting for… it’s right in front of you. Even if it hurts, even if you’re scared it is better to do it afraid then not at all.

I broke down into tears, my chest wracked with sobs. All this locked up pain and indignation exploding out at once. And Lucien is right there to keep me from falling. “Shh, Yn it’s okay,” he purrs, holding me so tight I can’t breathe. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I have spent so long loving this boy, begging him silently to love me back. And here he is… why can’t I find the space inside me to let him in?

“Lucien…”

“My Yn,” he breathes, cradling my head to his chest.

I take a deep breath. “I love you.”

I feel his body relax.

“And I think you should leave.”

His body goes rigid. He pulls away, hands reaching to cup my face, but settling on the backs of my arms. “W-What? Why do you-”

“If you spent all this time waiting for it to be the right moment to make peace with me but never taking the opportunity then it’s too late.”

“Yn please- this is me taking the opportunity.”

“No,” I shake my head, sniffling. “This was just a coincidence. You didn't come here with the intention of making amends. You came here just to get a shirt. So here,” I picked up the shirt, shoving it in his chest. “Take it. And go.”

“Wait-” I began to push him to the door. “Yn wait! Yes I came here to get my shirt. No, I didn’t think you’d be here. But you were. So I took a chance. I took a risk for you.”

“Do you really think I’m so naive?” I scoffed, opening the door and shoving him through, rougher than I intended. “If you want me, then you’re going to have to do a lot better than getting down on your knees and saying you love me.”

“What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything, anything.”

“If you need me to tell you, then there’s no hope for us.”

He stares at me, eyes begging, pleading, hoping and praying that I’ll just tell him. Despite the slight sweat on my skin, my body feels calm. Powerful. I feel in control.

Then his lips are on mine, and any sense of reality I have comes crashing down.

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