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#I am more than this physical body
satellites-halo · 11 months
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Sick of posts that say stuff like "all mobility aid users should weaponize their mobility aids"
hey man, I can't do that! I need to bring my mobility aids into places that would deny me entrance for things like spikes and barbed wire! not every cripplepunk is a white skinny cane user, and having something deemed as a 'weapon' on some of us can be genuinely life threatening, even if it's a mobility aid! I don't want to have my rollator taken away from me and have to be searched bc I put some spikes on a seat cover or something!!! let cripplepunks express their punkness however is safe and comfortable for them, don't expect us all to be able to do the same things you can, because we all cant
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sciderman · 6 months
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
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peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
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it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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adelaidedrubman · 1 year
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— HE’S AN OPOSSUM. NOT RAT.
two mass murderers and an opossum? that’s a family! and one i had the privilege the honor the absolute dream of getting to commission the fantastic @schoute to bring to life in this absolutely stunning and delightful piece of jestiny, john, and specialest little guy hank. not only did scouty produce this absolutely beautiful scene, she was a blast to work with every step. if you ever have the opportunity to commission scouty, i highly recommend — no, demand — that you take it! 
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year
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There's this idea I see sometimes that you can only like food insofar as you use it as a tool to satiate your hunger, but honestly? It's okay to like food not for how it serves you but for what it feels like and means.
It's okay to like food because it tastes good, because it reminds you of your childhood and your culture, because it reminds you of beautiful nostalgic memories. It's okay to like food. Food is such an integral part of the human experience. The more we minimize food as "solely a tool," the less connected we are to not only food but to ourselves because so often, people tie their bodies in with food and how it does or does not serve them.
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itshomobirb · 4 months
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anyone else realizing that Punishment and Forced Suffering does not Work for u? like anything where i just have to Grin and Bear it and Suffer (bc that's what "normal" ppl do) just ends up Not Happening. I don't do the Habit. i dont do the Task. ive spent my entire life Grinning and Bearing It and it just doesn't work anymore.
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fayevalcntine · 1 year
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The whole "Claudia is now his sister"/Louis' sibling comparisons are never gonna sit right with me because that's never going to erase the fact that Claudia exists as a vampire partly because of him. Their relationship will never have this clearly defined role of siblings in the same manner Louis had with Grace or Paul, even if he was their older brother and was implicitly given the role of providing for them as the successor and manager of his family's estate. Because Louis was never responsible in part for their creation, the reason why they existed the way that they do in terms of behavior and life itself.
It also makes his betrayal of her all the more heartbreaking in ways that him and Grace drifting apart never will. He was her father, and didn't provide emotional support for her. She had to turn the tables and try to assume the role of being on an equal level because of this failure but this doesn't make him not choosing her any less painful than it did the first time. Even as they shift roles, take or give emotional responsibility one has towards the other, the fact that Claudia exists the way she does because of him and Lestat will always be there.
#interview with the vampire#claudia#louis de pointe du lac#it's why in a way Lestat's whole 'I am your maker' rant is relevant#not in terms of him trying to keep his veil of control over her#but in terms of how no matter how she tries to shift positions; switch roles#put on the costume of 'sister/companion/mother/knight'#she will always be on a lesser position than him or even Louis#because THEY are her parents#even on a physical level she's technically weaker because she's in the body of a teenager#her given role of daughter will never be shed; especially when both of them took to physically abusing her#and tbh I personally don't like acting as if Claudia having to take on the role of Louis' protector/therapist/sister#is a positive thing in any way#it's basically his own child being forced by circumstances to be the adult#and it's such a fucked up dynamic to me#i'm not saying Louis is responsible for that because he had his own issues and then there's Lestat who acerbates the whole situation#but consider it from Claudia's angle: she keeps Lestat away from Louis for SIX years#then Louis takes him back; and even tells her to get used to it and to try to be more open with her own abuser#all the while Claudia gives him nothing but understanding and time; pleads with him to run away together#i can't even start on how his betrayal of her after the attempted murder is not only the final nail of the coffin#but the only result she gets after emotionally supporting him throughout this entire situation#anyway no offense to anyone that makes Claudia/Grace/Paul edits in relation to Louis#it's just that even without the ep7 reveal the whole thing feels sour to me in episode 6#because that is very much not his sister/brother protecting him; that's his daughter#Claudia should not have to do this shit on her own; she should not have to assume another role just to be considered seriously#in any way by either Louis or Lestat
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chotachica · 11 months
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How the fuck did I learn how to efficiently help my partner through his autistic meltdowns thanks to a vashwood fanfic .what
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moe-broey · 19 days
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Some. Sort of spectrum. From most likely to least likely.
And by kitten-pile I mean This
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I'll put a transcript under cut for easier reading! 🫡
How Likely Are They to Kitten Pile?
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Mirabilis: "are you tired..? do you need a break...? ohh we could take one together..."
If she likes/trusts you even a little, she wants to cuddle about it!!!
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Sharena and Peony: "Okay! 💖 Yay! 💖"
Shari: The only thing stopping her is social conventions -- making her MORE likely to jump at the opportunity!
Peony: Learning social awareness as she goes, and is surprisingly good at it?
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Triandra: "Aren't we a bit old for that...? But... even so..."
Embarrassed, conflicted, but feels strangely nostalgic at the notion...
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Plumeria: "I'm not so petal-soft that I'd resort to such INDECENCY, I mean even if your intentions are Pure USE YOUR HEADS YOU FOOLS!! Girl, the IMPLICATIONS!!!"
Desperately wants to join the kitten-pile, but her Issues and Pride gets in the way.
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Moe: "aw, so cutes!"
Generally touch adverse, extremely picky even with the people it likes/loves -- everything is entirely on its terms.
#fire emblem#feh#STILL. DRAFTING. IT FEELS LIKE. concetualizing. ect.#but this vision was So Strong. and is honestly Such a way to parse each out.#like... mira craves warmth and comfort... i think she esp likes cuddling w peony bc it feels like a mother's touch#esp the discrepancy in body types i'm going w here. i really wanna draw them together actually...#meanwhile LONG. LONG STANDING HC. about sharena being v physically affectionate even touch starved#and having to learn boundaries the hard way. i also think a huge difference between her and peony actually#is that peony always had someone to cuddle with (mira!!). so peony never had to 'outgrow' it the way shari had to#which may have led to peony being a little more adjusted actually??? i also am v much playing w the idea#that peony is like min maxed. she's surprisingly socially aware/emotionally intelligent#BUT. she still has huge blind spots due to her seclusion and mostly only interacting w kid mortals (in the dream realm)#and i esp think she fails to see the complexity in situations. ect ect#triandra. boy do i have lore about triandra. but you can take a guess. i'll leave that up to you.#AND PLUMERIA. OH MY GOD PLUMERIA. i can just TELL she's going to be an EXTREMELY FUN chara to write#she basically writes herself. looking deeper beyond the obvious sex repulsion/intimacy issues#she's a stubborn jaded 'too cool for this' older sister. who is WAY more protective than she will Ever Admit.#LIKE... I AM THINKING ESP HOW SHE TREATED MIRA IN THAT TT SIDE STORY.#the way she was looking out for her. tri is absolutely plum's most trusted confidant and therefore#the person she's most vulnerable with. but even then. she's still protective of mira and i bet even peony if she had trouble#(granting. they're on the same side). AUGH AND ALSO THE WAY PLUM IS STUCK IN HER WAYS TOO....#I DON'T HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS. but the way plumeria Is just resonates so deeply w me...#mirabilis#sharena#fe peony#fe triandra#fe plumeria#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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bunnihearted · 25 days
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
#today i thought about this a lot because#it was a veryyyy bad day noise wise#it goes up and down even if im generally easily disturbed by noise#but sometimes i feel more ok with it and can cope somewhat#but some days it is just extra bad and it is physically painful and im constantly stressed#today was one of those days where i almost just broke down and started screaming and crying#i managed not to. but god my upper body hurts a lot bc i get so tense and i cannot relax#all the CONSTANT noise is so painful lol#so yes i thought about it a lot today bc i was doing bad and i realized.. even if i already know#how like.. amazing it is that i can feel such a way .. and that in this existence a safe space for me does exist#his voice just does smth to me on metaphysical (is that the word?) and undescribable levels. it just /reaches/ me#it's so cool that i have physical reactions to just hearing the sound of his voice? i feel my heartbeat slow and my body relaxes and im like#idk how to explain but i feel soothed to my bones and my soul feels cradled. it's like his voice just erases everything else#i just think that is so amazing? like how can that be? how can i experience all of this inside of my existence?#im just in awe of how that can work. how this person's voice has such effects on my being. how it makes my hyper stressed body just feel#okay and calm and soft when i exist in the space of hearing his voice..#maybe i sound crazy :$ .. but thats just how i feel. like today when i was on a walk..#and omg it was noise overload it was crazy i felt my entire neck and throat and shoulders hurt so bad and i wanted to scream and rip my#hair out. i just kept imagining his voice and wanting to just be in that space and soothed state my body enters his voice alone puts me in#im not sure if thats weird or bad of me.. :c but thats just what happens!!! and selfishly i crave it!! i'd never be demanding or forceful#i have more than i couldve ever dreamed or asked for. i can listen and breathe and be ok. and i can imagine his voice too..#soft fluffy cloud that envelopes me.. maybe i *am* crazy or too intense but its just the truth#and ig what im trying to say it is that im infinitely thankful & grateful for this. that i can have felt this. & know it exists like wow??
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tj-crochets · 7 months
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No crafting update today because I spent all my spoons checking out a local(ish) wildlife reservation/hiking place, which was awesome! I could not explore the whole place, and it is very much "only wheelchair friendly if the person pushing my wheelchair is capable of holding my entire weight against a steep slope and immediately pushing the chair up another only partially paved steep slope", but I walked the whole time*! I got to hear wolves howling through the forest and it is a whole hell of a lot eerier to hear on a foggy day in a winter forest than it was the only other time I've heard it, which was a very bright sunny day in an amphitheater at a zoo where one wolf howled alone on stage. There were crows cawing and wolves howling and it was absolutely magnificent and suddenly a whole lot of things from various fantasy novels I read as a kid hit very different. Like, I get why hearing the wolves howl in the night would be alarming now! *we did bring my rollator/transport chair in the car, and the backup plan was that my dad or my brother would go get it and push me back to the car if I needed help
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keeps-ache · 3 months
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think this is funny. anyway. the Thoughts are back at it again
#just me hi#doodles#Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Characterssssssssssssssssssss#[<- projecting things so hard it's experiencing Physical Effects] Lmao#what if . what if the. the. they. the. you know what i mean ??#LIKE. [stares over your shoulder]#head in hands. what am i supposed to do about this gbfhsbvhf#//btw how is it only a thursday lol#it should be friday. or saturday. the timing is long this week i think !#that's#//<- forgot what i was going to say lol; my previous tags popped up and i think that's fun hfbhvs :3#here they are:#that's crazy!#that's me!#that's insane#that's crazy#that's it#hfhbsfh - i seem to be regularly bewildered hfbvhsf#which. well yea lol#//oh yea guess who's halfway done with those refssssss :3#it's meeeeeeeeee :DD !! i'm almost done !! :D#i am enjoying it a bit more than i thought. the feeling of Have To is a real bog hgfsh#//speaking of bog guess who ALSO got their sleep thing figured out#i may just have busted sleeping habits lmao; staying up til 12-2 is actually so great#i wake up at a reasonable hour and don't feel like a mixture of cement and pop rocks got poured into my body and soul overnight hfbshfvh#plus sleeping in twos is working pretty well; stay up til an ungodly hour one night and then the second go to sleep at about 11 or 12#cuz then i can actually Sleep! it's working pretty well hfvhs :>>#//that and i'm figuring out how to drag myself through stuff w/o some outside force compelling me :33#frequent breaks help with morale (if i don't forget what i was doing while doing that lol) and 30 minute timers are a godsend fr fr fr#//AH i've run outta tag space - ciao from here then i guess hfsbvh !! :>
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kartana · 4 months
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I feel so sad this sucks i can't stop thinking about doing everything wrong with v I feel like im gonna cry I hate going to sleep early the day after I stay up it's just hours of laying down with stupid train of thoughts that come at night and I can't sleep I just want to sleep I don't want to feel so awful in the morning I don't want to feel awful right now I wish I could just get my thoughts in order get to the point and cry and be done with it. Nothing is going to change from yesterday to today to tomorrow I will just have been miserable and things won't change because of it I wish the world was kinder I wish the world wasn't so cruel I wish things were different I want to cry and now I can't even feel that anymore.
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lovelaceisntdead · 4 months
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i think i just need to rewatch lost.
#that will fix me i think.#because i am doing. bad. i know i have not been keeping this a secret but i feel very stuck and i don't really know what to do.#my general anxiety levels are much higher than they usually are and um. i don't really know why. which then just makes it worse.#and i feel so down and hopeless. i can't make myself feel excited about things. i have hardly any motivation#and no energy to do anything even if i did#like yellowjackets s3 starting production and i just don't feel excited about it and it's making me really sad#and I'm getting upset about things that i feel silly for getting upset about and i can't say anything because I'm embarrassed#for being upset in the first place#i feel so incredibly disconnected from everyone around me it's so hard to talk to anyone#I'm running on autopilot most of the time at the moment#and I'm finding it so hard not to push people away. but at the same time i feel so out of place and I'm dissociating a lot so.#idk whay I'm saying with this#i just feel like i need to get stuff out because i feel so anxious i might explode#and with the weather getting warmer a lot of my physical symptoms are flaring up. anf being in this house is so suffocating#i feel like i can inly exist in this perpetual state of fine. can't be any worse can't be any better#I'm just constantly pretending that I'm just Okay because it's easier than having to deal wirh anything else. but i know I'm really just#causing myself more harm.#I'm done now. just trying to relieve some of the pressure i am feeling in my whole entire body.
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bitepire · 4 months
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One delightful thing about being me is that I can truly write some crazy tier shit in the tags of peoples' posts like "my real face doesn't exist in the mortal realm" and it's just objectively true. I'm not shitposting when I say these things, I'm simply not human and my real form doesn't exist in physical reality. I think I'm a lot further from human than many people think. And you know what? It rules. And when people click on my tags to see who the crazy bitch was that's writing that shit, perhaps I'll widen their reality a little.
Probably not, but eh, a vamp can dream.
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