#I am never in the exact same spot twice

[astral-catastrophe]

One thing I’ve never been able to explain is the intense Deja Vu that hits me. Sometimes I’ll go months without this. On bad days. Hours, minutes. I wonder if it’s a part of my dissociation issues.

But be it in a dream or my past. I have lived this exact moment i just had. Same outfit, same hair, glasses smudged the same, object in hand, music in earbuds. Same train of thought, feeling something of importance with one of my current best friends. Something of so much importance, the results of me forgetting again will be catastrophic.

But no? Last time I had this specific instance, I didn’t have this shirt, or even similar hair. I wasn’t even close to this friend. But it was the exact same feeling, same time of year. I can place it nearly down to the day three years ago when my thoughts went along the same path and I feel like I have lived this moment dozens of times.

Or yesterday's experience at work? Hit me so hard in the middle of making a drink I had never heard of before in my whole almost two months of being a barista. But I stood there, almost nauseous, but I knew the drink. I’d never heard of it. But I checked with the recipe and I had everything correct down to the slightest detail. I had no prior knowledge of the drink, especially since it was some complicated seasonal thing.

Or years ago, one of my first actual conversations with the almost girlfriend. Had to step away mid sentence because I was so convinced that no, we had that conversation just days earlier down to the exact word, down to that exact same dorky smile she’s given me since day one.

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

They can clearly see my straw man corporation is not for profit.

All my funds go toward buying my children shit they don't necessarily need, but I try to do better for them then I was done for.

[websterss]

SEE YOU AT THE MEADOW — GUILDFORD DUDLEY

REQUEST: yeah julie I’m gonna need you to continue writing fics for Guilford cause i’m pretty sure you’re the only one atm. so just a small request (reader is an ethian maid for the dudley’s so her and guilford just grow a bond over the years. she could be a cat and sometimes she’ll shift to lay in his lap to get pats or she’ll walk with him in the morning when he’s a horse to keep him company for a bit. just some good friends to lovers type vibe) I LOVE YOU JULIEEEEEE💗💗💗💗💗💗💗@raggedyoldwitch

WARNING(S): fluff

WORD COUNT: 2,002

PAIRING: Guildford Dudley x Ethian!Reader

A/N: I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always welcomed!

MASTERLIST

You were only a child when Lord Dudley’s second son made his first transformation. The news was short-lived when you and your mother were made aware of Lady Dudley’s death. You hadn’t received much news on the matter but whispers amongst the kitchen maids settled on Guildford being at the cause of it. You were just as grave as he was, especially when all the whole servants were dismissed besides Bertie.

Your mother begged to stay but Lord Dudley was persistent on having you leave them. it wasn’t until you transformed yourself into a cat that he was swayed.

He even thought that if you had so easily controlled when you could shift between forms then perhaps you’d be able to help his son accomplish the same.

You didn’t though…

It was only the beginning of your friendship. A little girl trying to help a boy, who thought he was cursed. His only contrast to his curse was that he fully believed for you to be given a gift. That got him a pebble thrown at his head.

”You cannot hit me. I’m of importance!” Little Guildford protested, rubbing at the spot he was sure to receive a nasty bump.

“Really. I did not know.” You proceed to throw him another rock.

“Stop that!”

“You are not even trying!” You sighed. "It's easy. Look!" You bent at the waist as your body morphed. Your human form no more as a brown and black tabby cat. Your fur is a mixture of colors, brown and black as though someone ran out of paint and used what was left on your animal form. You meowed at him once and sat down as him saying 'see'. A second had only passed when you shifted back.

“I am trying. Am I not!?” He scowled.

He began throwing rocks back at you. Some of them land pretty much in your exact area, others missing you by a long shot. But after a while, he became distracted by a passing squirrel. A pebble hit him straight on causing him to topple over onto the grass. Your eyes widened as you rushed over to him.

”Oh dear…quick what is your name?”

“You fool!”

“Okay, what is my name?”

He shoved you away. The shove causes you to fall on your bottom.

”You little bastard!" You exclaimed, before shoving him back twice as hard. He stumbled and fell back into a rose bush.

You two tumbled around before you were pinned by him. His breathing stilling as he watched your own eyes widen.

Your eyes widened in fright at the position you’d landed yourselves in. It felt like both of you were holding your breath as you watched each other’s expression. He’d never been this close to you before, and he found himself studying the way your eyes seemed to glitter in the moonlight.

“Y/n, Guildford, supper is prepared!”

Both your eyes widened at the soft voice of your mother, but by the time you’d both looked around she was nowhere in sight. Guildford looked back down at you, his expression a mixture of nervousness and confusion as he tried to figure out what to do next. His father was expecting him for dinner but he didn’t want to leave you alone here in the forest. He opened his mouth to speak. But for some reason, he just couldn’t find the words.

“I’m…I’m never gonna get this.” He relented, sitting back to allow you up.

You sat up too, brushing a strand of hair from your face. You then looked as he sat down next to you, a look of helplessness on his face.

”…don’t worry.” You told him, noticing how dejected he looked. “We can try again the next day. Night will come again.”

He shook his head. “You repeat it over and over. It’s not working. It hasn’t worked and it will not! It’s an unavailing attempt. It’s no use in getting our hopes up!”

You reached out and lightly hit his arm. “Hey, what sort of defeatist attitude is that? There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, right?” He didn’t answer for a moment before he turned his head away from you. You didn’t notice the blush on his face.

You sigh. You watched him silently for a moment, not wanting to speak and say something that would upset him further. After a moment though you spoke up anyway.

”…you should head inside.” You said quietly. “Your father will have your head if you’re not there soon enough.”

“Let me see you in at least. Your mother will have my head if you’re not there, soon enough.” He offered his arm and you grasped it.

You linked your arm with his and together he slowly began walking you back to your cottage. He tried to ignore the way your hair swayed with each step you took or the way your scent that of the poppies and lilacs in his mother’s garden you worked hard to revive again. But it was a hard task for a young growing boy who’d only just begun to notice these things.

When you reached the entrance, you both halted in your tracks at the sound of a raised voice coming from inside.

“My heavens, look at the lot of you. Filthy!” Your mother scorns you as she reaches forward to pull a leaf out of your hair. “Go…I’ve run you a warm bath already. Then dressed and down for supper.” You let go of Guildford bidding him a bye with a small grin. Then ran up the stairs.

“Guildford…” She eyed then sucked her teeth grabbing hold of his face. “Oh, that girl. Look at you! It will bruise!”

“If it lessens your worries, I got her back!”

”She's supposed to be helping you, not damaging your face.” She shakes her head.

His cheeks burned a deep red in embarrassment as she continued to fret at him. “I’ll be fine…it’s just a bump and a mark.” He mumbled.

She took her hands away, still in a disapproving mood as she crossed her arms. Before a smile cracked at her expression. ”You like her, don’t you?” He looked at her, his expression wide as she began to tease him. ”That’s how it starts. Yes! First, it’s just a bump and a mark, then it’s a broken bone, then you’ll be bedridden!” She then scolded.

"Well then Y/n will join my demise…" He shrunk in on himself.

Your mother laughed at his remark. “I believe she could just be my lord. That girl could be a little nightmare if she tried.” She then ruffled his hair before guiding him towards the stairs. "Go, clean yourself up before the food grows cold."

"I'm not a lord." He called over his shoulder.

"You will be." She chimed shaking her head as she watched him ascend to the second floor.

-

"And when that April with his showers soote-" Guildford had stopped reciting the poem from the book in his hands. His smirk grew as your animal form perched itself on his lap. He reached forward to scratch behind your right ear. "Shall I continue or are you simply here to be a distraction?"

The feline version of you closed its eyes at the sensation of his fingers scratching at the sweet spot behind its ear. You released a little noise that sounded a lot like a purr making it clear that you were enjoying the attention. You then used your front paw to paw at the pages of the book, as if telling him to go on.

"Very well then..." He emits a low chuckle.

Your little furry self settled down in his lap and listened to the dulcet tones of his voice as he continued with the lines.

His reading was like music to your ears. He made the words soar off the page and flutter around the room. You hadn't seen Guildford this calm in ages, not since the death of his mother.

The two of you remain in the library for hours, him continuing to read aloud to the little animal on his lap. But it's not till you release a sneeze that has him stopping, has him anticipating what would come next. He sighs moving the book onto the side table as he sits back. He holds his breath as he sees ripples of black and orange begin to transform your cat-like self. It's not long till you release another sneeze in your human form.

"Bless…" Guildford clears his throat. He keeps his hands and arms on the armsrest.

You get your bearings. Your hair is messy from when you slept on your side in cat form. And of course, you're only in a night dress. You look at Guildford, and he looks back at you.

He attempts to avoid looking at your nightie, but he's only a man, after all.

You palm down your hair, in hopes it doesn't appear untamed.

He watches you do this, his eyes darting over your face and down your body. He knows he should look away, but he can't. Not when you looked like this. It was just like in the forest all those years ago as children, the feeling of nerves and the rapid heartbeat.

"Sleep well?" He reached up caressing some of your locks behind your ear.

You nod your head as if his soft touch has you forgetting how to speak.

He can see the blush on your cheeks and he knows he's the reason why it's there. "You're adorable." He says, almost as if on autopilot.

You roll your eyes as you climb off his lap. "Fool..."

He watches you cross the room before stopping you at the door. Your hand holding onto the handle.

He lets out a sigh, his leg beginning to bounce. “You do know it is very uncouth for you to be wearing that in my presence.”

"It's my nightwear, Guildford. What do you expect me to wear?" You respond, half turning your head to look at him. "Besides, it's not the most inappropriate attire you've worn around me."

His face turns a few shades darker red as his mind drifts to that exact memory. The image of you in his thin white undershirt, with nothing else on…it hadn't been that many years when he convinced you to go with him to a lake. You had shifted into your cat form by accident leaving you rendered embarrassed and well without clothes. He doesn’t want to be having that sort of thought right now. Not when you were standing a little less than an arms-length away from him, in your very night clothes.

"Thought so…" You muse with a chuckle. "Good night Guildford." You bid him goodbye opening the door to make your way out.

He almost lets you walk out. But his mind has other plans. Before he could think better of it he bolts up and pauses at the door. You're only a few feet from the door before his voice catches your attention.

"Where are you going?" He softly chuckles.

"To bed. Some of us sleep before dawn Guildford."

"Care for a stroll through the meadow again…keep me company?" He looked down before he met your bemused gaze again.

"I'll ask Bertie to pack us fresh carrots."

He quirks an eyebrow at your words, but he can see how you consider it. After a moment, you let out a sigh. "I would never miss it." You bid him with that adorable contagious grin and go to your quarters for the evening. "Night, my lord." You were heavy with the emphasis of his title. Guildford let his weight fall against the threshold, knowing he had the morrow to look forward to. 

[jordisblogg]

a/n: no title bc i couldn’t think of one plus this isn’t rlly a fic, js a lil smth i was thinking about. the last part of it was inspired by this su comic i read, though i can't remember what it was called..

heart beat, negative, lungs, deactivated, body, comprised.

you stared in horror as griot read you her vitals, her blood was all over your face, hands and clothes, but you didn’t dare wipe it.

there, your wife laid, impaled. red liquid pooling from her mouth and nose, her eyes were lifeless, she made no movement.

“would you like me to contact the others, ms.y/n?”

you gave no response to the ai, as everything slowly started to tune out, you couldn’t hear the outside world anymore, you couldn’t see it. all you could see your beloved laying on the ground in her own pool of blood.

the attack had begun earlier this evening. namor had decided he had wanted to cut off the deal they had both made, in fear of shuri lying to him and double crossing his nation.

“ms.y/n?”

he hadn’t done anything flashy like the last time he flooded the city. he instead got shuri alone. she was on her nightly visit to the beach just outside the woods, the last place her and her mother truly connected before she was taken from her. she would make sure there were no dora with her, not even you and namor must’ve known.

as she reminisced, the young monarch noticed the serpent god emerging from the ocean. she hadn’t treated him like an enemy, but she was still on edge whenever he was around.

“what is it that you want?”

“do you truly have the intention of us building an alliance?” his question threw the scientist off, is that not what she had said? almost everyone who knew shuri personally knew that she never backed down on her word, no matter how bad the person was. but, she supposed she could see his suspicions.

“yes, i told you, you had my word on that. wakanda would protect your oceans as long as you promised never to show up here again.”

“did you? or did you let me believe it?” he began hovering towards her, until his feet landed on the warm sand. shuri stood and began creating distance between them.

“what are you talking about?”

“you never truly wanted us to be allies, did you, queen?”

“stay away from me—“ shuri was known to be fearless her whole life, never being one to back down from a challenge or tell someone off, when most people would be peeing their pants or running the other way. but she can’t deny, for these past 3 years, she’s been feeling the opposite of fearless, like she’s just been waiting for the last thing to tip her over and have her bursting into tears.

“do you think i am an imbecile? that i know you seek vengeance of me killing your mother.”

“what? no—“

her reached her to where there were only a few centimeters between them.

“you cross me, and i warned you, i wipe wakanda off the face of the earth..”

shuri then felt some sharp come in contact with her abdomen, she finally took her fear-struck eyes off the aquatic ruler and down at the large, sharp spear. in the exact same spot he wounded her the last time they had battled.

“it won’t heal twice..” he spit, venom laced within his words.

she tried to open her mouth to speak but nothing but swift breaths of air would egress.

“please..” she let out breathlessly, though she got no response, no remorse. he let her collapse to the ground, eyeing her vengefully as she struggled to take in oxygen.

“do not worry, i’m granting you your wish. you should be thanking me..” was the last thing he heard from him before he yanked his weapon from her middle.

“ms.y/n, would you like me to request for assistance?”

you should’ve been there. you should’ve stayed with her, something in your gut told you something wasn’t right.

“are you sure she’s alright, i mean— she’s been out there for almost an hour an a half. i know y’all want me to give her her space to mourn but.. i just don’t know.. i think i should go check on her, just to be sure.” you paced around the dining room, after you, shuri, and everyone else had invited them to dinner. it was routine for your wife to sit outside and reminisce, so you didn’t bother her about it tonight.

“i hope you know that little panther is going to say something.” mbaku snorted as he picked up a final carrot from the display plate. you ignored his warning and went out to find her.

“shuri? baby, are you alright?” you called out to her and got no answer, until you reached closer and heard faint coughs, your eyebrows scrunched in confusion as you continued to tread carefully, “shuri?”

the sight you saw once you finally reached her was something you could never have prepared for.

“ms.y/n, i really think we should call for assistance!”

“oh god!” you screamed, quickly running up to her as she laid, choking on her own blood. you placed your hands over her wound, hoping to stop the blood the was gushing all over her clothes.

“shuri— please, you can’t do this right now!” you watched her as she only coughed, her chest rising up in down in quick haste as she tried her hardest to breathe.

tears streamed down your cheeks as you tried to calm yourself, attempting to remain strong so your emotions wouldn’t make the situation worse, “you can fight it baby, come on! you’re gonna be okay!” you picked off two kimoyo beads from your bracelet and set them into her wound swiftly.

"these should heal it, you're gonna be okay, you hear me?" you placed one hand on the side of her face while keeping the other onto her wound.

shuri didn't know this would be how she would go. she had so much she wanted to say to you, but not enough time. all she could do was look at you and hope that you could hear her every thought. despite all her hardships and stress, the best part of her day would be coming home to see you. you soothed her somehow; in a way she couldn't explain. and how badly did she want you to know. seeing your distressed and horrified face only made her realize that she should've expressed all of this to you sooner.

she did make sure that the last thing, the last person, she looked at was you. she wanted your face to be the last thing she saw before she went, that way she could go peacefully.

she ignored your cries and your pleads, and pretended it was just you and her, sitting on this very beach, listening to the waves crash against the rocks and the sound of the few occasional elephants' trunks as they took their child through the water. she imagined you two sitting her and enjoying each other's company, rather than the reality of you holding the other as they clung on to life.

"shuri please, i'm right here!" you cried hysterically as you rested your head on your wife's chest, trying your best to soothe her.

soon you could no longer hear shuri's gasps, and her chest had stopped its quick motion. and that only frightened you more.

your head shot up immediately only to see shuri's lifeless eyes staring back at you. you didn't call out to her this time; you didn't shake her. you just looked.

you looked.

you held her frail body in your hands and looked.

"y/n!" instead of hearing the ai pester your once more, you heard the general, one who your wife loved dearly. she stood still as she watched the scene before her. the recently crowned queen, the last of the royal family, was now gone. and her wife sat over her, shocked in fear.

"my queen.." she hesitated, walking steadily towards you.

"no.." you whispered, voice almost hoarse, your eyes staying on your beloved, as if she would emerge back to life if you stared long enough.

"please.. just let me—"

"she's cold.."

"y/n.."

"get her a blanket, okoye, she's cold.." you cradled her into your chest, holding her tightly.

"y/n, please!"

"i don't want her to be by herself.." the only thing that was freaking the general out was how you were talking about the young scientist.. as if she were still here. as if she wasn't laying lifeless in your arms. throughout her entire journey of being part of the dora milage, this had got to be the most frightening thing she'd seen, just after the loss of queen romanda.

"s-shes okay, okay? i'm just staying with her.. i don't want her to be alone.. she doesn't need to be alone." you rambled as you rocked back and forth, still holding your wife, just like you used to when she would come to you crying, and you were the only one who could ever make her feel better.

okoye sighed, she didn't even bother to ask how this happened or why, it wasn't the time. she only joined you both on the ground and brought your face into the crook of her neck as you broke down in her arms.

"i'm right here, udade omncinci, i'm right here.." she only sat there and comforted you, letting a few tears trickle down her cheeks as well.

[artistsfuneral]

The Road to Kaer Morhen - p. 7

(There's coloring pages for this fic in my ko-fi shop now!)

Jaskier sighed, his face softening. “I am your friend, Aiden. I know we haven't been traveling together for long, so it might not mean that much to you yet, but I am your friend and I protect my friends, Aiden. That's the only important thing right now.” The Cat stared at him with a horrified frown on his pretty face. But unable to accept the bard's sketchy reply, he started to argue, “That is not an answer! Look at you, fucking- look at what you've done! I have never met any creature with such destructive power!”

“I am not a monster, Aiden!” Jaskier gasped, suddenly feeling just as frightened as the witcher in front of him. “I'm not some creature from your bestiary that you're hired to kill because I go about eating children for breakfast!”

Almost immediately after realizing the words that had left his mouth, Aiden wanted to apologize for them. Just how many times had he been on the other end of this exact same conversation? How many times did he have to justify his mere existence, simply because he was a witcher, a Cat Witcher of all things? How many times had people turned on him after they'd seen him fight, after they'd seen him fall into a haze of blood lust? How many times had friends betrayed him before?

And what kind of monster had tears in their eyes after being accused of such things? Aiden felt like an awful person. “I- I'm sorry, Jaskier, you're right, it's just-” he couldn't help but to take a glance at their surroundings; the destruction and chaos left behind. Next to him Jaskier sniffled and willed his tears away. “I know. It can be a lot, I'm sorry if I scared you, sunshine, but I promise- I would never hurt you. I'm a protector, not a fighter.” Aiden sighed before rubbing at his tired eye to further ease the stinging. “Alright, dandelion, I will trust you to protect me then,” he said, certainly not expecting Jaskier to fall around his neck and hug him tightly. “Thank you.”

Later, Aiden watched with a mix of apprehension and curios fascination as the bard walked around the soldiers' campsite and cleaned up a big portion of the mess he had made, to prevent attracting necrophages and the like. The Cat was entirely intrigued by the fact that Jaskier, who was more than a head smaller than him and had the slim physique one would expect from a traveling bard, seemed to posses the strength of a full grown, healthy witcher. Though, he wouldn't doubt Jaskier being even stronger than that. “Can you carry a horse?” Aiden blurted out, without really thinking about it too much. The bard froze on the spot, both hands full of several heavy metal pieces that were part of the redanian armor. He looked at Aiden, then at the four horses that were now calmly resting a bit further away from their initial spot, then back at Aiden. “Why would I carry a horse?”

The witcher snorted, “It's not about the why, it's about the ifs and coulds.” Jaskier blinked at him once, twice, before shaking his head and returning to his task. “If I ever feel the desire to carry a horse around for fun, you will be the first to know.”

“That's all I ask for,” Aiden grinned, for now satisfied with simply watching Jaskier flutter around the camp like a little bird. Every now and then the bard would find something worthwhile and place it either near their packs or right into Aiden's lap, like the sword he had mentioned earlier, a new, clean tunic, or a pair of sturdy leather boots that fit him surprisingly well. It didn't take long until the bard had them both cleaned up and wearing two new outfits. Although Aiden wasn't exactly comfortable with the distinctive lack of armor, the bard was quick to reassure him that that was taken care of as well, he just wanted Aiden's injuries to fully heal this time around, before making him carry any extra weight. Which made sense, even if it left Aiden feeling weirdly exposed.

Not that Jaskier was looking any different. Somehow the bard was wearing even less than him. Whereas Aiden's short sleeved honey colored tunic could still be worn in town without leading to some sort of kerfuffle caused by public indecency, Jaskier had somehow managed to squeeze himself in a sleeveless, skin tight garment that would have Aiden drooling, had it been his lover Lambert in front of him. Though, he admitted he had stared at Jaskier for quite a bit, when the bard had walked back towards his resting place. When he asked the bard about it, Jaskier proudly declared that it was his own design. Of course it was, Aiden thought with fond exasperation.

“Now, I don't think you'll object to us heading further east into the forest before we make camp, given the whole,” Jaskier waved his hands in a way that indicated the entirety of their surroundings, “situation.” Aiden chuckled, “Can't say I'm fond of the idea of cuddling.”

“Oh gods, no,” the bard shuddered before extending his hand to help Aiden up. He accepted without hesitating. “Alright then, now we just have to decide which horses we will take with us.”

Jaskier gasped, looking at the witcher in shock. “Which ones? Aiden, no.”

Somehow the witcher had a bad feeling about this.

“Aiden, they're friends. We can't separate friends, that would be cruel.”

“You can't be serious about this.”

“They'd make a nice present for Vesemir, don't you think?”

“Jaskier.”

or: how many horses will the author have to draw? (why am I doing this again😳)

please like and reblog if you voted

✨🌿🌼✨

"But they're friends Aiden", Jaskier said with the biggest, most adorable puppydog eyes, knowing full well that Aiden still felt guilty about earlier. (Such an evil little man ❤)

If you have any ideas on what J might've looted in camp lmk!

@mirrorthoughts @dwintu @whump-der-it-is @beneficialfondue @sinfulpetgirlrd @chaoticfandomthot @fingons-rad-harp @basilikum7 @siriusly-the-best-bi @snailqueen42 @cowboybuttconnoisseur @reluctantbroodingdads @starlghtstarbrite @merthurmagic @wren-of-the-woods @araglas1989 @joestarlight @alaskawho @kore888 @toapoet @thehorrorandme @inanoldhousewrites @dinotree506 @gregre369 @life-as-a-gamergirl @nerdymuffinbonkcloud @singerin @cinary @dragongrowlings @thrive4good @moonroses4u @alllthequeenshorses @weirdandabsurd42

currently 4 of you need to check their tag settings

side blogs cannot be properly tagged

[balkanradfem]

Neck pain update!

Okay so last time I wrote about this, was when I got the MRI results for my neck, which was blank, zero issues found. However the pain in my neck was still so bad I can't walk without pain, can't jump or run at all, and can't carry anything over 2kg. I was too scared to try and fix it on my own, because messing with an injured neck without training is dangerous, and can do damage, so I didn't want to risk making it worse. However, if the scans say the neck is fine, then I can't really ruin it, right, so I've started looking for exercises that don't hurt.

As I was looking for neck-related exercises on youtube (they all hurt too much), youtube was starting to recommend me back exercises as well, some of them specifically for Rhomboid pain. Now, I didn't know what this rhomboid was, but it so happened that I had pain in that exact spot, between shoulder blades, but that pain came and went, so I thought it must be psychosomatic (when you have chronic pain you assume most of what hurts is psychosomatic).

Anyway, I decided to do those exercises because it's much less scary to work on back pain, and they didn't hurt as much. Then I found, in the same source, some neck exercises that seemed a bit dangerous; they instructed me to lay down with my neck hanging over the bed, then hold my own head with my arms, and move it, like I'm fixing it in place. I was shocked to find out that this didn't hurt me, so I did that exercise twice. And then the shocking thing happened.

That exercise immediately changed how the pain felt while I was walking. Before, I used to feel every step as a punch to the back of my neck; now it was to the back of my head. This made me dizzy, nauseous and want to vomit, the first time it happened, and I was very scared that I made it worse. Pressure and pain where my brain is, felt even more serious than neck pain, and I didn't repeat that exercise ever again, in hope the pressure and pain in my head would go away. It didn't, however, go away, but I learned to deal with it, and it became somewhat bearable. I am due in few months for a brain MRI so if there's something actually wrong with my brain, I will find out then. I am suspicious though that maybe there's some muscle in my back that is extending up to the head causing issues. But I don't know if there is such a thing.

I kept doing the exercise for the back pain, but the back pain did not go away from it, the exercise just keeps getting more painful as I keep doing it, unsure whether I should just stop.

After that I fell depressed for a while, and just played stardew valley laying down using my touchpad, and this is where the pain got worse in my left arm. Before that, my arm hurt a little, if I was bending it backwards or extending it too far or carrying anything, but now, it hurt a lot, at all times, whenever I was trying to do anything at all. I thought I made it worse with my irresponsible video gaming, my wrist was now hurting badly too, and I couldn't bend my arm to use the laptop anymore. I tried with my right hand and then my right hand started hurting too.

I was trying various wrist exercises thinking it was the video game problem, that made no difference whatsoever, so today I finally looked up all possible causes of pain in the arm, and found something that was close to the pain I felt - coracobrachialis muscle pain. I've never heard of that muscle, but it's under the arm and connects the back and arm, and can get damaged from overuse. I found instructions on how to locate it, and upon pressing on it, I felt such intense pain I was crying and curled into a ball for a while, it's clear to me that this muscle is in bad condition.

Now, all the pain relief instructions for this were to give this muscle a massage, but I absolutely cannot do that, I can't touch that muscle, I can't press on it, the pain of just the smallest pressure is insane, while I'm happy to have found the source of my arm pain, I am absolutely lost as to what to do with this. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this specific muscle? I can't force myself to massage it until I find a way to somehow relax it, or relax the area around it, so that it would be this painful to touch.

Also, the neck itself has shown some tiny improvements. It feels like it got a little stronger, because now I can lift my head while lying down, which I couldn't do before. I can sometimes sit for a bit more than I could do before, I was limited to 20min of sitting before I had to lie down, now I can sit for an hour (with discomfort, but not pain). It still hurts while I walk but now it's more like pressure than being hit with pain, my head instead takes the hit. If I try to run, I get intense pain and pressure in my head, and it extends to my neck as well.

I think I did something okay along the way, maybe few mistakes. There's probably more than one problem with my muscles, I suspect, and I hope I will find ways to resolve them one by one. I even thought for a second that I maybe lack collagen because I'm vegan but then when I looked it up, it's something body produces by itself and doesn't need a supplement. So it's just a big mystery at this point. I still blame that tree-falling accident because this wasn't going on beforehand.

[altruistic-meme]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

hi dear!!! i definitely don't mind AT ALL i love getting questions!!!! i probably have answered this question before, but this is one of those things that's subject to change pretty often as i find new characters and they take over from older ones :] so i will probably never give the exact same answer twice dksvjsdfh

ok ok that said, let me see... in no particular order:

Damianos of Akielos (Book: Captive Prince trilogy) quite literally THE man of all time. THE man of my dreams. he is such a beautifully written character who is so complex and interesting to read!! he is so gentle and caring despite his size, and he has a confidence i can only aspire to.

Neil Josten (Book: All For The Game trilogy) unhinged maniac 🧡 no but genuinely he is such a good main character. everything about him and his narration pulls you in to the story. he is the most unreliable narrator. his perspective is so skewed. also my namesake!!

Nakahara Chuuya (Anime/Series: Bungo Stray Dogs) i may or may not have somewhat of an obsession with him right now. he is literally so pretty that i throw my phone. but also he is so unbearably human in an incredibly tragic way, and he is that way because he actively chooses to be. he is a high ranking member of the mafia and he loves dogs and he promised his dying friend that he would save someone else and he is so loyal and bright. i am going to stop while im ahead bc 90% of my thoughts right now are about Chuuya so i could genuinely go on forever.

Victor Nikiforov (Anime: Yuri!!! ON Ice) he is so sad

Hinata Shoyo (Anime: Haikyuu!!) he is just so fucking BRIGHT!!! unlike Victor, Hinata is the exact opposite of me in almost every sense. it is so hard for me to watch anyone else when he's on the screen. he is just joy and energy incarnate and i want to be his friend so bad.

Spiderman (TV Show/Movie/Comic) this is a cheat because it's just. every iteration of spiderman. i love him. just your friendly neighborhood spiderman!! i have such a soft spot for Miles Morales' spiderman in particular due to the spiderverse movies, but i also really loved all of the live action spiderman movies. and we can't forget the tv show!!!

Prince Wilhelm (Show: Young Royals) fucking babygirl. yet another sad wet cat of a character who i project onto immensely. he is just so complex and interesting and so real and flawed and just. listen. having the weight of the world rest on your shoulders as you struggle with trying to make friends and fight your anxiety and handle your mother all by yourself is something i have dealt with too. i can't put into words all my thoughts about him right now, but rest assured there are More.

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III (Book: How to Train Your Dragon series) don't get me wrong, i love the movie version of him as well, but they are such different characters. and the book version of Hiccup has an incredibly special place in my heart. httyd is such a comfort read for me, and it was huge for me getting to grow up with Hiccup. he is just a fucking little guy and he goes through so much. but he keeps going. he didn't deserve any of it and he fights so hard to make sure no one else has to go through it like he did. gods i love him.

Charlie Spring (Comic: Heartstopper) same as with Hiccup, i love him in the show as well but to me the characters are so different and i just relate so much more to the comic version of him! he is a mess and i love him and relate to him. i wish i had what he has. i am also so proud of how far he has come!! and he reminds me to be proud of myself, too. also see; sassy motherfucker.

Kenai (Movie: Brother Bear) a strange choice, maybe, but this movie means SO much to me. it is a huge comfort movie. and Kenai, by virtue of being the main character, clearly gets the leg up as the favorite. but it's so amazing seeing him grow as a person (or. well. bear). he's funny, he tries so hard, he wants so much. and he's just a kid!! he learns so much!!

there are definitely some patterns in my favorite characters that i am going to choose not to look too closely at :') i have so many characters i adore. this was so hard ;;;

[quietwingsinthesky]

8 & 12?

8. any reoccuring dreams?

there’s The Aquarium. every so often, i have a dream about this massive aquarium on the side of a lake or perhaps an ocean. and i never get to see any part of it twice but i know they’re all part of the same building, because i’ve seen the stairs and the maps on the walls and the signs that tell you where each exhibit is and i remember them. i liked the seahorses the best. i know that i am always there in the same moment, in different spots, not because i have ever met myself but because the exact same thing happens. i can only look at the fish for so long before outside, a great wave rises out of the water and crashes into the aquarium and breaks the tanks wide open and drowns us all. and then i wake up.

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

learning to bake is not that hard, i promise. follow the instructions exactly, do NOT deviate, and you can make many many things. the instructions know better than you do.

[fun questions]

[verdantmeadows]

I just made a post about selfship earlier, so I wanted to talk about it a little more in depth here.

I sort of consider myself selfship/yume(danshi), but not really. I am otherkin/fictionkin, so my ships with characters that I am in love with, that character is just me--I don't (usually) make OCs to ship with characters.*

I've tried to, and find I just...don't enjoy it. It feels inauthentic to me, because I just am fictional characters within a ship. In example, let's say I ship A and B together, and I am/kin A, so B is my partner, I am in love with them, and they are romantically involved with me.

I think I also feel disconnected from selfship communities because they generally don't understand how this could fall under selfship. Selfshippers will understand, see, and respect that someone's self-insert OC is them, and that the character they ship them with is a partner. But if I try to say, hey, this established canon character is JUST as much me as someone's self-insert OC is...they don't really get it? But someone's selfship self-insert is just as much that person as a fictional character I kin is me. (I'm not saying all selfshippers are like this. I have multiple selfshipper friends who have never expressed a lack of acceptance over my otherkin identity.)

Another disconnect I feel is just...my partner kins all of my "F/Os" / he kins everyone I am in love with? So like, imagines, community content, all that...I can't really understand it as well, because just, I have all of them. I am dating all of them. I have a real person I can talk to that is all of them. I can gush about all of them to my partner. Why would I talk about it online when I can talk about it with the real character? One that understands everything, our relationship, our past lives, our kin memories...

The last primary disconnect I can think of is that people do not, cannot, or don't respect nuance in otherkin while being in love with a character. I can't talk about this in depth due to the fact I am genuinely afraid of how people would react (if you're someone I am close to/know well you can ask, and you can ask anyways but if I don't think you'd understand I may decline to answer).

But I can't be open about who a LOT of my "fictional" loves are (I am on here regardless often anyways), but in selfship spaces, there isn't room for me. If I made a selfship blog and interacted with my boyfriend's blog, people might go after her or cut her off out of the selfship spaces she's in. I can't interact with either "faction" of selfshippers because I don't fit into either spot. I disagree with one side in some ways, and disagree with another side in other ways. But just, I can't be a selfshipper, not openly. People wouldn't understand me, my otherkin identity, and its nuances.

However, on the other hand, my partner really loves selfshipping. She is the EXACT same way I am, in like, otherkin and stuff, but he finds enjoyment in the community, imagines, etc. I've tried to make a selfship blog once or twice, but I just can't keep up on that. I don't feel safe in those spaces. The very spaces that are supposed to encourage those things feel hostile. Not to mention, I have 50+ "F/Os", and I am jealous of each and every one of them. I will "share", but I don't enjoy it (I am only not jealous if it's with friends). It would be impossible to find other selfshippers who accept me for being otherkin, let alone don't share any of my "F/Os".

*clarification about the OCs thing. I have 3 instances (I think) of this where I do have an OC I ship with a character. In 2 instances, the OC is not me and I ship the "OC" with "myself" (my kin). In 1 instance, the OC is someone I kin. This just feels different though because, they're people that existed in my kin canons. They were "designed" based off of memories I have from kin canons. They were not made for fun, they existed before that.

[homewrecking-lore]

Putting this rant under a cut because it is just me banging my head against the wall over season 3 and how much I despise this show lol, I PROMISE this is my last Picard post.

I don't know if it's because I didn't really know or care about TNG until like...a couple of years ago, and so don't have any nostalgia connected to it, but even the scenes that should get me emotional in Picard season 3 just...don't.

Like seeing Data with his pipe and the Tasha holo statue and Spot...okay, I recognize all those things...now what? Why should this strike a chord with me right now, in this story? "Spot taught me how to love." And not...your daughter? Your daughter didn't play a role in that too?

But the worse thing besides the pure amount of nostalgia bait is that everything happens without literally ANY weight or consequence. 8 hours in and nothing feels like it's really moved.

Ro Laren returned!! And then BLEW UP right in front of Riker and Picard's eyes. Remember when that happened??? And that's it. That's that. She barely spoke to Riker, never spoke to Beverly. You could cut her entire appearance and really the show would remain the same. Which is a shame cause her performance is incredible, but her death was stupidly cheap, and it kind of dilutes any emotional depth her appearance should have.

Picard tells Geordi about Data's SECOND DEATH completely off-hand and Geordi's reaction? Not even to acknowledge it. He's just learned of this. Did the rest of the crew not know as well? Wouldn't this be...fairly big news? You know...besides the fact that he is back AGAIN?

Beverly disappeared for TWENTY YEARS. Then she's suddenly alive and well, in front of them, with a grown ass man for a child, and the most we get is one argument between Picard and Bev, and then it's pretty much settled. What about their romantic relationship? Their friendship? Their professional respect and trust? So much more was lost than just a secret love child for two decades!! Show us!!!!

And almost all of the dialogue around Jack being their kid is also solely WITH PICARD. Riker doesn't talk to Bev about it onscreen, nor does Geordi or Worf. Deanna mentions her disappearance almost...casually. Which would work if it hadn't been for TWENTY YEARS. You just found out she was hiding a child she had with your captain/friend. Talk to her!!! Why couldn't she trust Picard with this? Why couldn't she trust all of you? ASK HER! I AM BEGGING! Yes the show is called Picard, but the whole selling point this season is that it's the rightful TNG crew send-off. Then just...do that!

Almost everything is solved with a single conversation, except for whatever is happening with Jack. Geordi's fractured relationship with his daughter because...*checks notes* she's a pilot like he was, but not an engineer like he...later was? One big blow-up and then it's solved. Cool. Jack approaches Picard as a stranger in a restaurant and asks if he wants a real family...buddy, why would this man tell you his innermost thoughts? And yet this one conversation is the reason he doesn't connect with him? Really? For a show that's supposed to be serialized instead of episodic like TNG, it really doesn't carry most of its plot or character development forward.

Apparently Kestra is a Starfleet cadet ('cause...what else would legacy off-spring do). Wouldn't Riker and Troi be especially worried about her since Starfleet is completely infiltrated with changelings? They've already lost a child. Wouldn't this be at the forefront of their thoughts?

Why is this a better ending for Data? Because he has a really, really human-like body this time? He's died twice. Commit to that. Give the other characters the chance to properly mourn. He's already had the emotion chip (which is a plot device I don't even like but it effectively does the exact same as this new body does). I just...this doesn't feel like growth for this character. Honestly it feels more like Brent Spiner's acting exercise. Same with Geordi and Data - I love them, I'm a sucker for Daforge - but I watched their scenes completely dry eyed. I just couldn't get pass the amount of awful story decisions that got us to this point.

What was the point of bringing in Moriarty, Lore, and Vadic? You could almost cut them out entirely and barely anything would change. The main cast didn't really spare them a second thought. Besides a backstory flashback, Vadic didn't really up the stakes. The conflict in episode 8 was the same as episode 2. Moriarty might as well not have been there. Lore could've been an example of the struggle of morality ("do we sacrifice our belief in android sentience to gain back our friend") but then we're given the most embarassing hokey scene in the show so far where they...merge. Okay. Plus they openly discuss how they would just erase Lore from existence if they could RIGHT IN THE OPEN and then are SHOCKED that he'd take control and kill them. What did you expect??? What happened to exploring androids as individuals with rights? Where is the narrative weight of "losing your compass" (ugh) when it comes with no consequences or is promptly forgotten about? Why isn't all this taking a greater toll on Data, losing out on two decades of changing and aging and life moving on without him?

Weren't B-4 and Lal and Altan also memories (although in their first scene they are all full-on separate entities)? Why didn't absorbing those memories change Lore and Data's personalities? How come only Lore gave Data...contractions and sass? (The dumbest sentence I've had to type.)

As for Seven and Raffi....seeing people FREAK on twitter about the mere implication of Geordi and Data, who are explicitly straight and platonic on the show and don't even bother to hug when they reunite...you just know the showrunners were playing it safe by sidelining the only actual queer relationship in the show so they don't get accused of being 'woke'. 8 whole episodes and they barely look at each other. It's weird...and again, never said why.

(And that's not even touching on how awkward Wesley's absence has been this whole time. That's a whole other post honestly.)

In the end, I just feel like I'm watching the cast reunite rather than the characters. They're a great cast and insanely talented (Levar and Gates and Michelle especially shine when they have an emotional beat), but when scenes come off as just the actors hanging out - it makes me wonder why they didn't just film a two hour round table of discussion instead of...this. No send-off is going to be universally perfect or touch on everything it's supposed to, but this is probably one of the mishandled seasons of television I've ever watched. I really wanted to like this season as I've only recently gotten into TNG, and it sucks to just...hate it.

Anyway. Picard and the 300 spin-offs you're trying to set up stay away from these characters and do something original

[mikaharuka]

Find the Word Tag - Part 1 of 2

So, a funny little thing happened, and I got tagged for this game by both @sliebman10 and @mrsmungus at almost the same exact time... but not with the same words, so we're going to do this twice!

Also, I'll pass on 10 words this time, and y'all can choose a subset of 5 words (since that is the game standard). I'll include that list in both posts, so I'm not going to double-tag anyone. So... onto Part 1!

Here's Part 2, for the curious - Link

Words for me: affection, slide, golden, heat, tinted Words for you: sky, green, plate, ice, fly, mercy, wave, deny, tall, cage

Tagging (no pressure, of course): @writingpotato07, @tamras-shieldmaiden, @alpaca-clouds, @aislinnstanaka, @hylianjo, @0nelittlebirdtoldme, @precambrian-sea-pancake, and as always, am leaving an open tag for anyone who is interested :)

---------- (all excerpts are from Apricity or Prithvi, Chapter 1 of Mahabhuta) ----------

Affection - only twice, once in each of the first two chapters so far~

[Platinum Elysium, Apricity Ch 1]

Beau grabbed his backpack and carry-on from the overhead compartment, exited the plane, and made his way to baggage claim. He scanned the crowd and soon spotted a familiar thirty-nine-year-old man in faded plaid and worn jeans, luggage cart in hand. Beau caught his eye and waved at him to bring the cart over. “Hey Beau,” his father greeted him warmly before turning to the carousel and pulling suitcases from the belt. Though Charlie didn’t show affection very easily, Beau could see his father visibly brighten and couldn’t help but let a small smile form on his face in turn. The pair made small talk as they walked towards a familiar police cruiser in the short-term parking lot. They loaded the car and returned the cart, and soon jumped onto Interstate-5 South towards Tacoma and made their way out of the Seattle metropolis.

----------

Slide - uhh.... there was only one instance that showed up that didn't relate to 'microscope slides' or 'lecture slides', and I'm a grad student who sees that stuff all the time, so I'm going to be petty lol

[Midnight Freefall, Apricity Ch 14]

The doctor, though... he was nothing like her. Despite the seemingly casual demeanor, with him leaning against the tree like that, he didn't feel as stable as she was back then... …ah, so that’s what those slight tremors were. Instability of a sort. But that made even less sense - Carlisle was older than Mina, so shouldn’t he have better control than her? And yet, not only was he in that unstable state with Mike at that moment, he was also somewhat unstable with Beau at the hospital a month ago. Was the doctor the type to be destabilized so easily? No. That wasn’t possible. The Quileute Shifters, wary as they were, wouldn’t let that slide. They never would’ve trusted or allied with him in the first place. Especially not after that major conflict in the mid-1800s. The twins said that Carlisle, Edward, and the mystery woman had barely gotten a pass… but that they trusted the doctor and formalized an alliance with him. In short, the vampire’s status was entirely abnormal.

----------

Golden - Although 'gold' was common, 'golden' showed up only once.

[Sangria Totality, Apricity Ch 13]

Mike couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was about Mina that felt so off beyond the inhuman speed and strength he’d witnessed just then - but it was there. Undoubtedly so. There was something more about her that held Mike’s attention captive. It was vaguely familiar to the fascination he felt that first day of freshman year at school, only magnified to a much stronger extent. Though he didn’t know exactly what it was, he wasn’t so bothered by that, instead feeling rather calm at the moment. Yet despite that serene feeling, despite being unable to look away from her elegant form, there was still something else. Something deep within him that screamed at him to get as far away from her as possible, as her golden eyes trailed lazily over his figure. The chill that ran down his spine echoed that feeling, leaving him conflicted over the woman in question. It made no sense. Not one bit. Mina had objectively helped them out. She had protected and covered for them in the face of those malicious, inhuman creatures - twice, in fact. Yet Mike couldn’t deny that she’d been entirely in her element just then, fully at home with that refined violence… perhaps even reveling in it. He half-expected her to turn around and hunt the two of them down like the prey they were, so when she turned around and glanced at them in an almost human-like manner… somehow, it felt even more unsettling.

----------

Heat - showed up X times in Apricity, but was the only word in this set that also showed up in Prithvi's draft so far, so...

[Prithvi, Mahabhuta Ch 1 - Raw Draft]

After walking five minutes and failing to run into anyone, with the fog only settling in even heavier and the visibility and light further decreasing, he stopped in place and looked back at his house, now shrouded within the fog. How far had he walked? Surely it didn’t take this long to reach the town center? Was the distance much further than he originally thought? Perhaps, with the height he was at beforehand, he’d underestimated how long it would take. Not much else he could do but simply continue on ahead. After another five minutes transpired, he finally saw the silhouettes of buildings, people and other features of the town center come into view. Almost immediately, he was hit with everything - the footsteps, the chatter and gossip, the birds, the water features, the slight heat and sweat that accompanied crowds, but above all, the deep seated scent of the sweet earth, with undertones of jasmine and pine - not a combination he expected to find together, but it was so very lovely. Beau would have to find something like that once he returned back to his home, but first he needed to find someone. It shouldn’t have been an issue at all, not with all the people around, but every time his eyes settled on someone to ask for help, that person somehow just… disappeared. They walked away, or they turned away, or they became busy. Or the fog simply enveloped their figure, pulling them out of his reach.

----------

Tinted - Went with 'tint' here... admittedly, a freebie for Apricity lol

[Midnight Freefall - Apricity Ch 14]

After a few moments, Mike traced his deductions back to the one assumption he wanted to confirm that also seemed safe enough to get the doctor’s attention with. The glacial wrongness didn’t show itself, so as long as he spoke smoothly and confidently, it would be okay… probably. …fuck it. Not like he had any better options or any more time. Mike straightened his posture slightly, calmed his mind, and took a deep breath. “Did you run here? The entire two-hundred mile distance from Forks?” A feeling of anticipation slowly grew within him, embedding itself within the blue tint he left active. He tightened his grip on the smooth stone in his right hand, the stone he held onto since he arrived at Hoshizuki . Like before, the tint felt sharper and more focused, enhancing every pulse and flow within the forest. The man remained against that tree, eerily still as his deep sangria irises simultaneously enveloped his form and pinned Mike in place. Mike didn’t need the sapphire tint to tell him to stay silent. The ball was firmly in the vampire’s court. As was his fate.

[unseelie-grimalkin]

"i am sorry that you found out this way." i also want pasha triona content hand it over thank u

“Hypatia Dogmatiko.”

“Oh, my full name, I must be in some kind of trouble.”

Tríona sighed, pinching her nose bridge. Hypatia sprawled out along the couch, both regal and irreverent in the same elegant-messy stance and the exact posture was making it hard to concentrate. “Hypatia Dogmatiko, how many of our peers have you humiliated on my behalf?”

Hypatia hummed, leaning her head back (it might as well have been an invitation to lean in and bite- but Tríona wouldn’t. Hypatia was out of her league, after all). “Do you want the list alphabetically or by how much their reaction pleased me?”

“If the university catches wind-”

“Then I have a USB with their name on it, with evidence they previously said couldn’t be true, that I’ll release to a couple different journalism outlets.” Hypatia patted a small space on the couch near her. “Come. Sit. I won’t ask twice.”

“…you do know you never asked to begin with, right?” Tríona sat in the space, spine stiff as she tried her best not to invade her dorm mate’s space (hard to do with Hypatia taking up so much room on the couch, between her height and posture).

Hypatia wrapped an arm around Tríona’s shoulders, dragging her into the personal space she tried to respect. “Listen to me, my little lackey. Those toads bullying you have had it too good for too long, especially when they were after my henchman.”

Tríona settled her legs, trying to get into a proper position (anyone else would’ve thought they were snuggling, but Hypatia would use that combination bio-chemistry degree to turn them inside and out) but failing with Hypatia’s gentle but firm grip. “…Pashaaaaaaaa-”

“I am sorry you found out. How did you find out?”

“One of them told me that you told them to apologize to me or, I quote, you would cut off his balls.”

Hypatia clicked her tongue. “Oh, bad form. It seems his testicles aren’t safe after all.”

“Paaaaaaaaasha!”

“Listen! I am rather sorry you found out in this way, but no one hurts or defaces what is mine.” Pasha tilted Tríona’s head up by the chin, gently. “And…you do know you are mine, yes?”

Tríona tried so hard not to melt on the spot. “I- um! Hm?”

“…oh dear heart of mine, I think I need to come on a bit stronger then.”

[mileapokp1677]

Three Steps to Win You (CH 17)

Title: Three Steps to Win You

Rating: M

Pairing: DaddyChan/Tankhun, Kinn/Porsche, Vegas/Pete

Category: M/M, AU Nerd-Jock

Summary: Accidentally, scientist Tankhun Theerapanyakul embarrassed footballer Captain Chan "Daddy" Knight in front of his coach, teammates and fans. He had to fulfill three tasks from the captain before his apology was accepted.

Chapter 17

(Tankhun POV)

Monday Morning 

As usual, at 7.30 AM sharp, Tankhun was already in the queue line of the Hattrick to buy his favorite Americano. He decided to get a jumbo size coffee today, gods knew he needed it. There was too much stuff and drama that happened last weekend. Good thing he looked absolutely stunning today wearing the blue Ferragamo Navigator sunglasses, black classic Ferragamo combat boots and a navy/white mini spot ascot tie from Turnbull & Asser. His boring white shirt and skinny black pants for work, for sure, no longer looked plain. 

Today was a slow day for the cafe, because it only took Tankhun less than 10 minutes from the time he started queuing until he could sip his first coffee of the day. His coffee, like always, was perfect and so was today's weather. For that, he felt so grateful. 

Ah~ I feel so much better already

Call it a de ja vu but suddenly Tankhun felt the exact same way as he felt weeks ago when he met Chan for the first time here. As soon as he thought of something positive, things just took a 180 degree turn fast. 

Click! Click!

Fuck, Anna Banana proved to be very efficient. Tankhun even willing to bet his new sunglasses that currently, there was one or more paparazzi behind him, ready to take pictures of him.

Well, Tankhun had been reading fashion magazines since he was 10 years old, and he knows exactly the best angles for his face and body. If that evil woman had meant to post an ugly photo of Tankhun, it would never have happened, for he would never have allowed it.

Bring it on!

Tankhun calculatedly turned his body 45 degrees to his right, showing off his perfect profile, he then opened his mouth a little, lifted his chin slightly, and put his long neck on display. Hold that pose...

Click! Click! 

That’s a perfect Naomi... How about a Tyra now?

Now Tankhun, facing in the direction that he believed the paparazzi were hiding, pushed the navigator sunglasses over his head and left them there. He then dramatically took a sip of his hot coffee while both of his eyes staring intently at the front. Smizing now…

Click! Click!

Afterward, Tankhun slowly lowered his sunglasses so it perched perfectly on his nose again before turning his body 180 and walking catlike towards the university, with a satisfied smile on his lips. Once he entered the university area and was sure the paparazzi could no longer stalk him, Tankhun took his cellphone out of his bag and texted Chan.

[Tankhun T]

Your ex from hell is not wasting time. One or two papz following me from the Hattrick. I'm at the Uni now, and I think they're no longer following me, but who knows for sure, right? 

Instead of replying to the text, Chan gave Tankhun a call, who picked it up immediately.

"Are you okay?" asked Chan, who sounded a bit worried, straight to the point.

"I'm fine. As a matter of fact, I’m super fine. You just wait until they post my pictures. I look so~ fabulous if I may say so myself."

Chan chuckled before responding, "I've no doubt. You always look great, baby."

“Chan! What do I say about-”

“Wait! Tankhun, hear me out first,” pleaded Chan. “I’m big on endearment, okay?”

“What?”

“Please bear it with me, but I always call my special one with an endearment and she knew all about it.”

Tankhun sighed. “Seriously!? So, no option but to do it?” 

“Yes. So, please?” the captain pleaded again. “Please?"

“I can’t believe I agreed to this,” said Tankhun. “But you only get to choose one, okay? And please no sugar or honey or DEAR, I hate them.”

“Thank you… baby?” replied Chan delicately. “How about it? I already called you baby twice in front of Anna.” 

Baby?

Tankhun didn't know what had happened to him exactly, maybe he had gone mad, but his face suddenly felt a bit hot and…  fuck, did he just blushing?  

Tankhun Theerapanyakul get hold of yourself, you’re not a fucking teenager anymore, for God’s sake. 

“Tankhun?”

“Y-yes?” 

Tankhun closed his eyes. Damn it to hell! He never stammered, never.  

“Is it acceptable?” asked Chan.

"What?"

"Baby, is it acceptable to call you that?" inquired Chan, making sure.

“Yes… Yes, it is,” affirmed Chan, with a steady voice.

“Do you think you can ask your boss for a longer lunch time today?”

“It can be arranged, but why?” 

“I’m at the stadium near the Hattrick right now, for morning practice,” explained Chan. “Let’s have lunch together. If those papz are still around the Uni, let's give them what they want.”

“I’ll talk to her and update you about lunch.”

“Okay. I’ll wait.”

“Chan?” 

“Hm?”

“I'm in front of the research center now, so I better go.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later, baby,” said Chan. “Be good for Daddy.”

“Ew~ Chan! What the fuck!” yelled Tankhun. “EW~~~” 

Chan laughed like a maniac. 

“Apart from that one time, when I asked for your autograph for Kim, I never called you Daddy ever again and I never will. You hear?” stated Tankhun firmly. 

“You know what they all say, right, baby?”

“What?”

“Never say never,” said Chan. “Ciao, baby.” 

“CHAN!” 

But the call has been disconnected. 

UGH! Damn that man! 

Tankhun stomped his feet on the ground in annoyance, but at the same time his heart beat faster.

Oh, God… 

******

(Chan POV)

BSFC Training Ground

Chan was still giggling as he put his phone in his personal locker. Even though the last two days had made his emotions go up and down like a roller coaster, today Chan was in a good mood. Of course when he got Tankhun's text earlier about the paparazzi he was a little worried, but those bastards indirectly have made it possible for him to have lunch with Tankhun. So he won't complain much.

“Was the one who just talked to you on the phone Doctor T, Cap?” 

Pete, who apparently was behind him and suddenly asked a question, took Chan by surprise, but of course he recognized his co-captain's voice.

"You've been sneaking up behind me a lot lately, Pete,” accused Chan as he closed his locker. 

"I didn't mean to do that, Cap. But lately you've been out of focus several times. Sometimes, you don't hear my footsteps or even my voice calling you," reasoned Pete.

Chan turned his body to face Pete and didn't know whether he liked the meaningful smile on the 25-year-old midfielder's face or not.

“What’s with that face?”

Pete softly laughed before responding, "Cap, I know it's none of my business, but the boys and I... we’re happy when you're happy. It's been a long time since we heard you laugh like you did on Saturday, or just now."

"Nosy."

"We think Doctor T is super cool!"

“You guys really like him?” asked Chan, testing the water. 

“Yes!” declared Pete firmly. “So, it was him on the phone, right? You look happy, by the way.” 

Chan just smiled and ruffled Pete's hair. "Let's start today’s training, my snooping co-captain!"

Pete laughed again.

"Yes, Sir!"

****** 

(Chan POV)

12.25 PM, the Research Center

“Hello there, I’m here to see Dr. Theerapanyakul,” said Chan to the Research Center receptionist, whose eyes were fixed on the computer screen in front of her.   

“Do you have an appointment with him, Sir?” asked her as she finally raised her eyes to look at him. “Oh my GOD! DADDY CHAN!?”

“Hi,” greeted Chan again. “Could you please tell Dr. Theerapanyakul that I’m here?” 

“Yes, of course, Sir!! Oh my God, Oh my God… I can’t believe this,” muttered the receptionist, looking so frantic. “Ah, I’m so sorry, Sir! I’m a huge fan of BSFC, it’s just shocking that you’re here! I had no idea that you and Dr. T…. Oh, never mind, I’ll inform him right away.”  

“Wait, on a second thought… What's your name?” asked Chan. 

“Sunny, Sir.” 

“Could  you do me a favor, Sunny?”

******

(Tankhun POV)

12.35 PM, the Research Center 

“Professor Erica, if there's nothing else to discuss, may I return to my office? My date will arrive here any minute. He is very punctual,” requested Tankhun to his boss, the head of the Research Center. 

Instead of answering his question, Professor Erica, all of a sudden, stood up from her chair with a super shocked face, and screamed, "Your date is the Captain of BSFC!?"

Tankhun, who was also in shock, immediately stood up and responded to the Professor, "How did you know, Professor!?"

Professor Erica just pointed at something behind Tankhun's body with her finger, before she shouted at her assistant, "Cookie, bring me a marker and a paper now… STAT!"

No, no... no way in hell… 

Tankhun turned around quickly and sure enough Chan -- the bastard, who looked so bloody handsome in simple jeans and white t-shirt, was standing there. He was leaning against his boss's office door frame, in his hand he carried 3 white rose buds.

“Hi, baby,” greeted Chan with the biggest smile on his face, which at that moment, Tankhun wanted to scratch so badly.

"Baby?” shrieked Professor Erica. “Tankhun Theerapanyakun, how dare you hide this from me!? I thought we're friends!”

I’m so~ dead  

TBC

AN: The phrase "Ciao, Baby" was inspired by Peter Knight aka Daddy Chan's ig story clip that he made to say goodbye to fans after KPTS finished airing. Those of you who have never seen the clip, you must see and hear for yourself, how sexy Daddy Chan's accent is when he says the word baby. faint

[kithtaehyung]

OMGGGGGG RYENNNNN I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️you write beautifully, majestically, elegantly, romantically, heartbreaking, exciting and if I could just find the right word to compliment you, I would🥹 you’re really everything #mytwin

I literally read the chapter as soon as I got off work that night it came out and then reread it again right after so I could find quotes and give you the review of a lifetimeeee. I also reread twice today leading up to me sending my review. Oh how I love 3tan and you sm ❤️‍🔥

BUT ANYWAYSSYSYS?!?!?!?! The jk reveal that they had something going on, but he still feels sm love for her even after breaking her heart (I wonder if it was him trying to let her go when she was leaving and the whole situation got misunderstood) but I really thought this revelation in the chapter would predict all the future angst of 3tan9 and then no happiness between yoongi and oc, but ofc I’m WRONG?!?!! (Happily) I really wonder how everyone will take the news of them messing with each other now

ALSO JIN AS BROTHER?!?!?!?!?!?!? I actually thought it was joon, but joon and hobi being yoongi’s studio mates actually makes sm sense and Jin is obviously the dream big brother. I remember oc said something about how they (jin) went through a lot w their parents and I wonder if that bonded them more to want to live together as adults.

I ALSO HAVE QUOTES FROM EVERYTIME I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN READING (some might not be in order as I literally re read 18 times:

“You don’t see what he does when silent, but you feel his jewelry slide against your ass when he leans forward to kiss the sore spot. “Careful, love,” he wisps into your skin. “ PLS IM ACTUALLY BITING MY PILLOW WHEN I REREAD THIS FOR THE 34TH TIME OMGMFIVAIXIA

“Something solid pushes into your nose before he stops, tearing his glasses off to kiss you straight into another plane of existence.” I NEVER WATCHED BUSINESS PROPOSAL BUT THIS DEF REMINDED ME OF THAT KISS SCENE THAT BLEW UP😭😭💔

“As you pull him in impossibly close, a thought pierces through you like lightning. That maybe—just maybe—he speaks through actions, because his mind already says too much.” There’s not much to say but🥹🥹🥹

“And you only feel the softest press of lips on your own. … Time bends when you’re pulled into the most tender kiss he’s ever given, and everything around you melts away. The song fades to background noise, but it’s still wonderful, hearing his distinct voice on recording while feeling his lips in person.” - I might actually cry. The tender kisses throughout the story have made me melt in ways I didn’t know was possible. I was already down for this couple BUT NOWWWW??? Yeah scoot over, I’m joining🙄🙄

“When he buries his head in your neck, he breathes you in…“I know I haven’t said my piece…But I’m really fucking into you, doll.” yooooooonnnnnnn😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

on a serious note, I am actually married to yoongi and the way you’ve managed to put our real life marriage into exact words is frightening???🤯🤯

OMGGGG THE SCENE WHERE THEYRE IN BED HOLDING EACH OTHER AND SHE TELLS HIM THAT HES ALL SHE NEEDS AS SHES CRYING, BUT WHEN HE LIFTS HIMSELF UP, HE WAS ACTUALLY THE ONE CRYING🥲

“As soon as you loosen your hold, he pushes upward, and you realize with a visceral burn that those tears you felt weren’t yours…Raw at their edges, just as welled, his eyes hold the heavens inside as he continues to regard you like you’ll still run.”🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲😋

“And as a man that speaks through actions, Yoongi responds with a kiss reminiscent of moonlight.” This actually became my favorite quote ever. 🥲

“And why wouldn’t he? Jungkook probably talked about that damn ring he has on his chain—the same one you still have in your bottom drawer.” UMMM??? I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE THAT SERIOUS??? HES STILL WEARING IT.

Lowkey nervous because JK never shows to back down from a fight and I feel like he’s gonna be here for a while trying to win oc back… or maybe not🧐 I will be back with later thoughts on what I think.

But alas… the quote that ruined me fully:

“Where’s my hi?”

HWCHWUVIEOCOSICJWJXJAICRKFOFOFSPZ IDK WHY BUT HIM SAYING THAT KNOWING HOW FLUSTERED SHE GETS OMGKGG. there will be a 1200 word analysis on these 3 words in ur inbox later… WHAT WAS THE REASON????

Also one quick question… will the future drabbles continue with them in their entanglement or will it be w their new sneaky, but confirmed relationship??

This was so long I’m sorry😭😭😭😭 but this was so good and fulfilling (as always) I can’t wait to read more of what you put out for us, you’ll have my support forever🥲🫶

-🍒

AHHHHH CHERRYYYY this is so fckinsfnfjfdnj amazing?? i have many many words under the cut because i am floored by everything in this review😭

OMGGGGGG RYENNNNN I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️you write beautifully, majestically, elegantly, romantically, heartbreaking, exciting and if I could just find the right word to compliment you, I would🥹 you’re really everything #mytwin

thank you, baby! you used a bunch of words that have me blushing fr fr. thank you so much for all of these kind descriptions, wow..

I literally read the chapter as soon as I got off work that night it came out and then reread it again right after so I could find quotes and give you the review of a lifetimeeee. I also reread twice today leading up to me sending my review. Oh how I love 3tan and you sm ❤️‍🔥

WAIT you reread it? twice?? that is a lot of words to go over holy heck.. but this review is certainly something and i am lucky af to have you reading along. wow.

BUT ANYWAYSSYSYS?!?!?!?! The jk reveal that they had something going on, but he still feels sm love for her even after breaking her heart (I wonder if it was him trying to let her go when she was leaving and the whole situation got misunderstood) but I really thought this revelation in the chapter would predict all the future angst of 3tan9 and then no happiness between yoongi and oc, but ofc I’m WRONG?!?!! (Happily) I really wonder how everyone will take the news of them messing with each other now

YEAHHH THE JK REVEAL!! it's a lot deeper than people ever imagined and that's what makes it heartbreaking.. and yoongi bowing out when he believes this is the better option?? it hurts. it hurts it hurts but then we get their actual exercise of communication. happy they decided to work things out after reader calls out yoongi so blatantly!

ALSO JIN AS BROTHER?!?!?!?!?!?!? I actually thought it was joon, but joon and hobi being yoongi’s studio mates actually makes sm sense and Jin is obviously the dream big brother. I remember oc said something about how they (jin) went through a lot w their parents and I wonder if that bonded them more to want to live together as adults.

AHHHH it's not jin! it's none of the members ahaha. but them all in the studio hell yeah.. those scenes were super fun to work on. they did have some stuff with the family so maybe we'll hear more about that later.

I ALSO HAVE QUOTES FROM EVERYTIME I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN READING (some might not be in order as I literally re read 18 times:

“You don’t see what he does when silent, but you feel his jewelry slide against your ass when he leans forward to kiss the sore spot. “Careful, love,” he wisps into your skin. “ PLS IM ACTUALLY BITING MY PILLOW WHEN I REREAD THIS FOR THE 34TH TIME OMGMFIVAIXIA

GOODBYEEEE NOT THE FIRST QUOTE BEING THE CHAINS ON READERS ASSSSSSSS I LOVE YOU HAHAHAH

“Something solid pushes into your nose before he stops, tearing his glasses off to kiss you straight into another plane of existence.” I NEVER WATCHED BUSINESS PROPOSAL BUT THIS DEF REMINDED ME OF THAT KISS SCENE THAT BLEW UP😭😭💔

LMFAOOO so what's even worse here is that.. i've seen the scene you're talking about. but yoongi takes off his glasses much faster than what happens in that kiss. he practically rips them off and throws them on his counter i'm swooning FUUUUC

“As you pull him in impossibly close, a thought pierces through you like lightning. That maybe—just maybe—he speaks through actions, because his mind already says too much.” There’s not much to say but🥹🥹🥹

awhhhhhh this line, too :'))) it's so heartwarming to see that reader really is starting to read yoongi well. i just think that part of her character dev is dope as fck.

“And you only feel the softest press of lips on your own. … Time bends when you’re pulled into the most tender kiss he’s ever given, and everything around you melts away. The song fades to background noise, but it’s still wonderful, hearing his distinct voice on recording while feeling his lips in person.” - I might actually cry. The tender kisses throughout the story have made me melt in ways I didn’t know was possible. I was already down for this couple BUT NOWWWW??? Yeah scoot over, I’m joining🙄🙄

dear goddddd i warned y'all that kissing was a warning for a reason this time! i haven't counted how many kisses are in this one but i'm fairly damn certain it's more than what's in all the other chapters. and hahahah join the line get in wait ur turn i wanna be with them too LOLOL

“When he buries his head in your neck, he breathes you in…“I know I haven’t said my piece…But I’m really fucking into you, doll.” yooooooonnnnnnn😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

HELP MEEEEEEE THIS DAMN LINE

on a serious note, I am actually married to yoongi and the way you’ve managed to put our real life marriage into exact words is frightening???🤯🤯

BABY PLEASE LMFAO don't tell yoongi i'm writing y'all fr ok i don't want him to perceive me like this ufhsfhsfh

OMGGGG THE SCENE WHERE THEYRE IN BED HOLDING EACH OTHER AND SHE TELLS HIM THAT HES ALL SHE NEEDS AS SHES CRYING, BUT WHEN HE LIFTS HIMSELF UP, HE WAS ACTUALLY THE ONE CRYING🥲 “As soon as you loosen your hold, he pushes upward, and you realize with a visceral burn that those tears you felt weren’t yours…Raw at their edges, just as welled, his eyes hold the heavens inside as he continues to regard you like you’ll still run.”🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲😋

OH MY GOD YEAH.. when yoongi props himself up and we can see his tears? nah. i was done at that point. absolutely fcking gone and there was no going back i actually cried there, too.

“And as a man that speaks through actions, Yoongi responds with a kiss reminiscent of moonlight.” This actually became my favorite quote ever. 🥲

oh stop. STOP ITTT i can't do this is it really oh lord i'm gonna actually hide now. honored!!

“And why wouldn’t he? Jungkook probably talked about that damn ring he has on his chain—the same one you still have in your bottom drawer.” UMMM??? I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE THAT SERIOUS??? HES STILL WEARING IT.

Lowkey nervous because JK never shows to back down from a fight and I feel like he’s gonna be here for a while trying to win oc back… or maybe not🧐 I will be back with later thoughts on what I think.

DFSDFFJDF NOT ONLY IS THERE A REVEAL BUT THERE ARE LAYERS TO IT. there are certainly more things that need to be uncovered here but it's like. yeah. it seems - as of now and from what we can see - that they were pretty fcking serious.

and i totally get the nervousness surrounding jk! he's super competitive and he's clearly determined and stubborn if he's this successful right now. we shall see! happy to hear any thoughts or theories you end up having :D

But alas… the quote that ruined me fully: “Where’s my hi?”

HWCHWUVIEOCOSICJWJXJAICRKFOFOFSPZ IDK WHY BUT HIM SAYING THAT KNOWING HOW FLUSTERED SHE GETS OMGKGG. there will be a 1200 word analysis on these 3 words in ur inbox later… WHAT WAS THE REASON????

HAHAHAHAHH HE WANTS TO FIGHT. I JUST KNOW IT. MEET ME IN THE BACK OF A WENDYS SIR. down to hear the word analysis and screaming on this later i will not be mad at all LMAO

Also one quick question… will the future drabbles continue with them in their entanglement or will it be w their new sneaky, but confirmed relationship??

so.. this was the other surprise i was gonna wait to tell y'all. most of the drabbles are meant to be after this! (loosely-imagined, since the party is still happening) so you can read them as if they happen after 3tan9<3

This was so long I’m sorry😭😭😭😭 but this was so good and fulfilling (as always) I can’t wait to read more of what you put out for us, you’ll have my support forever🥲🫶

you are so damn kind, cherry! it was a pleasure to read as always and i treasure every word. you had so many good quotes and commentary!! super glad you decided to make it this way, no worries at all :D

[scrimethewriter]

Example of a One-Shot NSFW Commission

As Y/N walked through the rusted entrance of Freddy Fazbear’s Mega Pizzaplex, he felt a surge of déjà vu. Y/N remembered when he used to come here all the time as a kid, but then it shut down. 

Y/N’s flashlight flicked off once, twice, and then it shut off completely.

“Damn it,” Y/N muttered, shaking the batteries, and he tried the switch again. It was no use. The batteries were dead. 

“Damn it!” Y/N said, louder this time. He checked his watch. 1:32 AM. That’s probably enough time, Y/N thought to himself.

He approached the center of the lobby, and walked to the foot of the staircase. Y/N looked up at the massive, golden statue of Freddy Fazbear, the pizzeria’s mascot, in awe. He had a flashback from when he stood in this exact same spot, all those years ago, when he escaped the labyrinth.

Clang.

Y/N quickly jerked his head to the left, where the metallic noise came from. Down a maintenance hallway, a flickering light shone vaguely. He cautiously approached the hallway, grabbing a piece of rubble off the floor as protection. Who knew who could be there?

Clang.

There it was again. It sounded like a hammer on a sheet of metal. Could it be possible that the company was trying to rebuild this place?

Y/N slowly approached the lit door, clutching the rock so hard his knuckles turned white, as he read the sign.

“Glamrock Freddy Dressing Room,” he said to himself. Well, it sure as hell wasn’t Glamrock Freddy in there. All the animatronics were decommissioned over twenty years ago.

With a hard kick, Y/N swung open the door, revealing Glamrock Freddy himself.

Freddy’s back was to Y/N, and he did not notice him entering. Y/N coughed, and Freddy turned to face him with a look of shock on his metallic face.

“Y/N! What are you doing back here~” Freddy said in a robotic voice. 

Y/N did not reply. He stood there, taking in what he was seeing.

Freddy stood on top of a metal grated floor, tools and 80’s-era clothing littering the ground around him.

Y/N forced himself to speak. “F-Freddy, you’re not wearing any clothes…”

It was true. Bright white light shone off of Freddy’s metal body, highlighting golden 6-pack abs, bulging biceps, and his… lower half.

Freddy’s face turned tomato red, and he quickly crossed his hands over his crotch area, to prevent Y/N from seeing his robotic… thing.

Y/N was in shock. “Why do you have a d-dick? You’re a robot,” he questioned him.

“All the Fazbear Animatronics have dicks. We’re made with them,” Freddy explained.

“But why?”

Freddy smirked. “Animatronics still get horny, you know.”

Y/N’s face flushed. “How big is it…?”

The robot bear lifted his hands. “See for yourself.”

Freddy’s dick was easily the largest Y/N has ever seen. At least a foot long, the weight of his dick and balls hung down from his hips toyingly.

Y/N tried to speak, and failed.

“I bet you weren’t expecting that right?,” the animatronic teased.

He flustered, and forced the words to come out. “Freddy, it’s so… big!”

Freddy lumbered towards Y/N, and grabbed his massive cock with his hand. “Why don’t we compare?”

The robot dropped his dick and it swayed back and forth. He placed his huge robot hands on Y/N’s shoulders, and he shivered at the frigid temperature of Freddy’s palms.

“You couldn’t be any warmer?”

“I can make us both warm.” Freddy moved his hands down Y/N’s chest slowly, feeling every curve and crevice, his eyes never leaving his.

He reached Y/N’s waist, and he curled his fingers around his pantline. Freddy inched Y/N’s jeans down, revealing a tanned body and dick.

“Freddy~”

“Now let’s get off your other half,” Freddy said and he tore Y/N’s t-shirt clean in half. His abs and toned muscles glistened with nervous sweat, and the robot bear placed a hand on his muscular chest as he grabbed both of their dicks with the other.

Y/N shivered, a mix of excitement and cold, and they both looked down at the size difference.

Y/N’s dick was dwarfed by Freddy Fazbear’s massive cock, and he tried to cover his small part. Freddy, however, would not let him. With a single move, the robot knocked him down and turned him, so the metal dick was pressed against Y/N’s ass.

“Freddy, what are you doing-?”

“I’ve been wanting to do this with a human for a long time. I’m tired of just jerking off in my changing room. I need to have some fun now.”

Freddy stroked his dick a few times until it firmed up, growing even more. “Get ready… and… go!”

The robot positioned his dick and trusted forward. Y/N grimaced in pain, but as Freddy pushed farther into him, his face relaxed. Freddy finally reached the base of his dick against Y/N’s ass, and he let out a deep moan.

“F-Freddy… it’s s-s-so d-deep…”

The animatronic laughed. “We haven’t even started yet.”

[taylorgraymoore]

November 28, 2023

Went out Sunday night, to the Pioneer Pub deep in Richmond to meet an old friend who is now a co-worker (I poached him from private), and another co-worker, who is also a friend. It was a long overdue evening. We had a number of beers and a few conversations. Some other wanderers arrived to the table, including yet more co-workers. Much merry was made. The night got too long—and, although I had told everyone who would listen that I would be out the door and in an Uber at 9:30, I left after midnight.

I had never been to the Pioneer Pub (the Pi) before. To get there, you go down to Richmond the normal way by train, same way I go to get to work. You get off at Brighouse (or, sometime apparently, Bridgeport—Maps kept oscillating between those two options of where to get off to catch a Richmond bus, but it settled on the former after awhile and so Brighouse it was), and then get on a bus (the 403, no matter which station you get off at) for a short ride.

I (let’s go back to the 1st person now) ran down the stairs from the platform and then across the street to where the stop was outside the Kam Do Bakery, and joined the loosely-structured line (more like a clump) there. I didn’t need to run, I had five minutes, but I tend to run for unfamiliar buses on long trips. It came on time, some time after I’d caught my breath. I boarded with the rest of the clump and rode it a straight shot into the relative unknown along Three Road (I work in Richmond, but I don’t know most of Richmond; I’ve only seen these stretches once or twice before and only ever from a bus window), and got off at Williams Road, in Broadmoor. There it was behind a parking lot and next to a bank. A bar like how they have them in on TV, and pretty quiet. I go to a table, sit down and take a menu, then change my mind about the table and go to another one, further back and in that raised area pubs will always tend to have. I notice all the many screens hanging above us are all playing various sports except for one that’s playing a poker game—bar like they have them on TV, see. 

I message my friend who became a co-worker that I’m there, he tells me he’ll be there in under six hundred seconds. I set a stopwatch, get out the book on the Israel/Palestine conflict that I’m reading, and then I see him come through the door. The co-worker who became a friend comes in a few seconds later. 

This scene will only last for as far into it as I can get before the train drops me off at my station.

I am on the Skytrain again. The man sitting behind me is eating eggs out of a plastic container. The man in front of me is changing his jacket. 

Friend A orders a lager and a glass of Irish whiskey. Friend B orders the same pale ale I’m already having. (I have to be vague about this part because we’re not supposed to talk about the brands we sell). Friend C, another co-worker, might be joining us after his massage, if he’s still here. I remember him hearing about the potential of a massage appointment at work a few days earlier—he works mostly in the warehouse, he could use one.

I’m still not using names. I’ll have to start soon, or it’ll become strange and/or awkward. I’ll think about a solution.

For now, take the vagueness as an aesthetic. 

Two of us order burgers, the third orders wings. I have already made it clear how early I will have to leave, because this is still very important to me at this point. 

My station is next. King Edward. Not quite my local station, because there’s still a long bus ride ahead of me. But my station all the same. I know it well. I’ve known it long. I remember the corner it’s on from before any station was there. There used to be a Baskins and Robbins in the exact spot where the exit now is.

By the time my second beer and my burger is inside me, another has joined us… it was around this point? I’ll write it like that, at least. Another has joined us—Friend B’s former co-worker from the job he had before he joined us, when he worked in private. This friend’s friend had been seated nearby. Richmond is like a smaller town than it is, sometimes. 

Friend C arrives over two hours later, about when I’m supposed to leave. Friend A mentions that it’s when I said I would leave shortly before this, but I want to stay to say hi to C and I say so. I say I’ll stick around just a bit longer, just for that. I never do look at the time again that night.

The organ bit from three quarters of the way through Close to the Edge washes over me like a more corporeal version of a divine chorus as I remember this and write it down. Then I look up from my phone and see the 33 across Cambie St and through the fog, about to arrive either ten minutes late or twenty minutes early, and I book it across the street to intercept it just as the angelic chorus of Yes members gives way to a jangling uproar of guitars. I make the bus. Sometimes the soundtrack life  provides is just that profoundly appropriate. 

After I was already well and drunk, and so was everybody else, others began to drift to our table. Friend A has a gravitational pull, you see, especially after a few drinks. It’s like Dionysius climbs into him. Something more literary than physical about the presence he gets going, and random strangers will notice it and come to find their orbit. I compared him to Walt Whitman recently, and he didn’t understand why. I’m not sure how to articulate it myself, but it has something to do with that. Himself, he would like to be like Ingmar Bergman. This also makes as much sense as what I said.

We kept going in our universe. The bar emptied out. The bar closed. We emptied out. Friend B gave us a ride to our respective points of rest.

I had to be up again at five in the morning to be at work at seven. I got about four hours of sleep. This was the result of a series of notably poor decisions on my part and I make no attempt to pass it off as anything else. 

I got to work on time and made it through, although not without a lot of misery. I was too tired to finish the lunch I brought and I felt sick most of the day. The number of beers probably also had something to do with that. 

Both of the events I had planned after work canceled/postponed on me. That was probably a good thing, since it enabled to me go home and immediately fall asleep there. Got nearly two hours. Was still feeling out of it, but manageably so. 

The big, continuing problem is rather that my lungs are unhappy with me now, from the dehydration and etc, and my asthma is staging a surprise appearance. That had been all kinds of fun.

That above was composed in three sections: the original short choppy thing this morning, then the long bit detailing that evening later on during my commute, and now as I type it all up before bed. The end of the piece seems like a grinding to a halt because I never bothered expanding any of that. My asthma is getting better, anyway—I drank a lot of tea today. It’s too late in the day to write about how work went, which is fine by me because I write too much about work in these. This is nicer.