#So why the Deja vu for experiences I can’t explain having done before | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nugnthopkns · 3 years

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i know you get deja vu

word count: 1.4k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, cursing, it's mild angst up in this b

recommended listening: deja vu | olivia rodrigo

a/n: wrote this short little ditty while avoiding my adult responsibilities lmao. it is not great but i really like the premise, maybe one day i'll do something more with it

Your eyes have to be failing you.

There’s no way he showed up, let alone with another girl – who looks shockingly similar to you. She’s a more polished, more refined version of yourself, and anger bubbles in your stomach the moment you see him walk through the door with her in tow.

When your parents informed you they’d invited Pierre-Luc to your graduation party you shrugged it off. Their reasoning was he’d been a large part of your college experience, and it was sound enough logic. You stumbled across him in a coffee shop during your freshman year and quickly fell into a romance that lasted until a few months ago. The breakup was rather brutal, though your family doesn’t know that, so you didn’t expect him to stop by your parents’ house to congratulate you on completing your degree.

Much to your distaste he does make an appearance, with who you presume to be his new girlfriend. You don’t want to stare at the pair, but you can’t help it – they look good together, possibly better than you and Pierre did. However, you notice that the young woman has on a dress that’s identical to one hanging at the back of your closest. Pierre had bought it for you when you accompanied him to France one offseason, and the thought of him replicating the trip with her crosses your mind.

Finding it too much to be in the same room as him, you excuse yourself from a conversation with some of your father’s business partners and grab your sister by the elbow on the way into the sunroom.

“What’s the matter with you?” She grumbles, upset you pulled her away from a conversation with a boy she has a tiny crush on.

“He’s here,” you whisper shout, doing your best to inconspicuously point to the culprit of your dampened spirits.

“Who?”

“Luc.”

Her expression softens, and it’s clear she feels sorry for you. “Shit. I didn’t think he was actually going to show up.”

You let out a rather strangled laugh. “Me either, but he’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

The two of you stay tucked inside for a few more moments, deriving a plan that gets your ex-boyfriend off the premises as fast as possible without him seeing you. She heads outside first, making sure to grab one of your cousins who’s obsessed with hockey on her way. Together they make a beeline for Pierre, who is beyond excited to catch up with your family. You slip through the door and into a conversation with some fellow graduates in the back corner of the yard. It isn’t interesting, just about future plans, but it keeps you occupied. You’re careful to keep you back turned and your voice low – anything to keep your existence inconspicuous.

Your sister keeps Pierre-Luc busy, chatting to him about how the playoffs went and what his goals for the offseason are. A small crowd gathers around him, mostly just extended family members who haven’t seen him in a while, and he indulges their questions with a kind smile. You can tell your luck is running out, that he’s finally going to spot you in the crowd and rush over to say whatever he came here for. The fates are cruel, and at that moment your mother calls everyone into a circle for a toast.

“I want to thank you all for coming,” she says, pulling you to stand beside her. You can tell Pierre is looking at you, but you avert your eyes and look anywhere but him. Your mother continues talking. “We’re incredibly proud of our daughter for completing her degree, and we can’t wait to see what she does next. If you’re here, we appreciate the role you played in her success. To Y/N!”

Your name is chanted like a chorus, and your eyes meet Pierre’s as he raises his glass. The intensity of his stare makes you blush, and you bury your head into your father’s shoulder, playing it off as being overcome with emotion. More toasts ensue, including one where you thank everyone for their continued support, and then the cake is cut. You try to slip inside, praying that Pierre-Luc and his date will leave, but the devil himself grabs your elbows as you open the back door.

“Congratulations,” he says softly, accent thicker then the last time you heard his voice. You can’t lie to yourself – he looks good. The sunshine has done wonders for his skin, and the tattoos peeking out from his shirt sleeve look new.

“Thank you.”

You offer nothing more to the conversation, which clearly upsets him, but he doesn’t do anything other than knit his brows together. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to speak to him since the last time you did was the screaming match that ended your relationship. You go to make your exit, but the small girl hanging off Pierre’s side speaks.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she smiles. “I’m Maisie. Luc talks about you a lot.”

“Pardon?” You’re caught off guard. Why would he talk about you to his new girlfriend?

The man in question shifts uncomfortably, like he’s going to get caught in a lie. “Yeah, it’s so nice that you guys are still friends.”

There it is. Saying that you split amicably is probably the only way he could convince her to attend this stupid party in the first place. “Ah,” you sigh, “Well not everyone is afforded the same luxury.”

Against your better judgement, you compliment her dress. Maisie thanks you graciously, explaining that Pierre bought it for her and once he’s cleared to leave Columbus they’ll be taking a trip to France, with a pit-stop in Portugal because she’s never been. Your insides churn, but you manage to keep a glaringly fake smile plastered on your face. The conversation shifts, and you find out that she also studies English Literature and expects to graduate next year. You laugh off all the coincidences, but it’s obvious to you and Pierre-Luc that Maisie is a substitute for the person who came before her.

“Why don’t you go get us some drinks babe?” Pierre asks, and the girl skips away after reaching on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

You fiddle nervously with the hem of your dress, anxious to be alone with him. “It isn’t what it looks like,” he starts, but you cut him off.

“It’s exactly what it looks like Luc, and don’t you fucking dare say otherwise.”

He lets out a defeated sigh. “So what if it is? I think it’s glaringly obvious that I still love you.”

No shit you think, but you bite your tongue and say something more respectable. “I’d say so. She’s exactly like me, but hopefully she won’t mind being asked to put her whole life on hold.” There’s a bite to your tone that you can’t help, but it sets Pierre-Luc on edge.

“You can’t still be fucking on about that.”

You’re seeing red now, irate that he is still choosing to minimize your emotions. “I am! Because you asked me not to continue school, which is something I explicitly told you I wanted to do, just so I could be a more conventional NHL girlfriend. And then you broke up with me when I said I wouldn’t do it.” You inhale a deep breath before continuing. “I hope you have fun with Maisie in France. You should take her to that little café we went to, in Bordeaux, where we ate so much food we couldn’t walk back to the hotel. And I hope that every time she looks at you like you hang the moon, you remember that you’re recycling our entire relationship because you let it fall apart at the seams.”

Perhaps your emotions got the best of you, because the look on Pierre-Luc’s face is nothing short of shock. You’re taken aback too – your parents raised you better than to say hurtful things, but seeing him again brought up a myriad of things you hadn't yet dealt with. Without another word, you spin on your heel and head inside, slamming the door behind you. It shouldn’t upset you this much, after so many months, but for a reason you’re unwilling to admit to yourself it does.

You sit in the bay window of your childhood bedroom, wrapped in a blanket even though it’s the beginning of summer, and watch as Pierre-Luc presses a kiss to her forehead before thanking your parents for inviting him one last time. Just like him, every relationship you have for the rest of your life will be an attempt to replicate the love you had for Pierre – a never-ending circle of deja vu.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @samsteel @kiedhara @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

#pierre-luc dubois imagine #pierre-luc dubois x reader #pierre-luc dubois fic #winnipeg jets imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #hockey imagine #hockey fic #cwrites

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xxdragonwriterxx · 4 years

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🔥Wings of Freedom (Part 2)🔥

A/N: Finally got part 2 done! Thank you for your patience with this mini series, I’ve been so busy with school lately and I still have so many drafts that I’ve been trying to publish them evenly so I don’t keep you guys waiting for anything too long. Thank you so much for your support, I love all of you so much and I can’t wait to show you the other stuff I have planned for this blog. I have a few requests on the way, so stay tuned for that, but for now, here is the sequel to Wings of Freedom (finally)!

Part 1 is here if you haven’t read it yet!

🐉Song Recommendation: “Machine” By: MisterWives 🐉

Word Count: ~3.9k

~~~

Levi felt like he was experiencing deja vu as he glanced around the courtroom from where he stood beside Erwin, waiting for Hanji to come back. Only, he felt a lot more nervous. The first time, he had felt nothing but an impatience to get the event started, his eyes hard and cold as he had looked down at an immature, green-eyed brat who could turn into a titan, waiting for his future to be decided as either a useful tool for humanity, or a human experiment to be tortured in a lab. Now, his insides were doing their best impression of a pretzel, churning and twisting until he felt sick with worry. This wasn’t going to be a meeting about some random brat from the streets, this was concerning the fate of the love of his life.

The night she had come back had been bittersweet for both of them. They had spent the night wrapped up together, (Y/N)’s wings out for the first time around Levi, the warm membranes curled around him protectively so he could feel her heartbeat thrumming through his entire body. They had been cuddled close, holding each other like it was the last time they would be able to do so, unsure of what events would unfold the next morning. Both Levi and (Y/N) knew everything was about to change, knew (Y/N)’s fate would be challenged and decided the next day, but it didn’t stop the anxiety from rolling around in his gut, making his stomach give another violent lurch.

“Hey,” Erwin said lowly, placing a hand on Levi’s shoulder when he noticed his friend’s queasy expression, “She’s going to be alright. We will fight for her with everything we’ve got.”

Levi managed a stiff nod in Erwin’s direction, his heart warming at his friend’s support. Although Levi had never doubted his friends, he had been surprised by how supportive and accommodating they had been when Levi had announced (Y/N)’s initial reappearance. They had both expressed their immense relief at her safe return while Hanji worked to heal her bullet wound, keeping her enthusiastic questioning to a minimum at Levi’s insistence.

Levi’s thoughts were cut short by the appearance of said energetic scientist, the tall brunette carefully picking her way through the rows of gathered officers and moving to stand on the other side of Erwin.

“She’s doing okay,” Hanji said before Levi could even open his mouth. “She’s a little nervous but that’s normal. Everything else is going smoothly so far, so she will be brought out in a few minutes.”

Levi nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He was trying his hardest to stay calm, to keep from lunging at Premier Zackley and strangling him until he promised to let (Y/N) go, but it was starting to strain on him. His skin broke out in a sweat as he forced himself to take deep breaths. He could do this. For (Y/N), he could do this.

He immediately looked up at the sound of the large wooden doors opening with a loud creak, his attention settling on the (h/c) haired woman handcuffed between two guards, her head down so her hair curtained her expression from others. His eyes narrowed and a low growl slipped from between his lips at the sight of the bruises on her arms and legs from the chains and cuffs she had been wearing in her cell. His blood was roaring in his ears as he fought every instinct he had to swoop down and bring her back into his arms. He had almost lost her once, he wouldn’t lose her again, no matter the cost.

Her wings were hidden, the huge black membranes tucked safely in the slits of her back, away from the prying eyes of the assembled soldiers. That at least gave Levi some relief, the knowledge that the extra sensitive appendages were kept from harm or unwanted touch.

The dull chatter in the courtroom hushed as (Y/N) was brought to the center of the room, pushed into a kneeling position on the same platform Eren had been placed on just a few years prior. One of the guards holding her leaned down and clapped her manacles to the sturdy metal post behind her, double checking that she was secure before backing away, moving with the other guard to stand on either side of Premier Zackley, guns at the ready.

The room was so quiet you could’ve heard a pin drop. The people in the room barely breathed as they waited impatiently for Zackley to finish preparing his notes, eager to see if they rumors were true. The Premier cleared his throat, shuffling the papers in front of him as he peered down at the woman on the platform from over the top of his glasses.

“(Y/N) (L/N)?”

(Y/N) looked up when her name was called, her eyes hard as she stared up at the older man.

“Yes.”

“Member of the Survey Corps. Age (#). Cadet under the command of Squad Leader Hanji Zoe,” Zackley read off, glancing at her after every sentence for her quick nod of confirmation. “It looks like you have no criminal record, but your place and date of birth are unknown, so that technically can not be confirmed nor denied outside of the information gathered during your time as a soldier.”

(Y/N) swallowed hard but did not respond, waiting, just as Hanji had told her to do, for the Premier to make his point. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to be patient, knowing that if she rushed this, if she wasn’t careful, she could easily be thrown to the wolves.

“It looks like, based on these reports, that you are a loyal soldier who has a clean background, a solid record, and a hard working personality, since it is labeled here that you are about to be promoted to Squad Leader,” the Premier leaned forward, “that means, we are here for a different reason entirely. Tell me, do you know why you are here?”

“Yes,” (Y/N) answered clearly.

“Very good. Now, without further ado, this court is now in session.”

As soon as Zackley opened the floor, a man from the Military Police stood, a smug grin on his face as he glanced at the annoyed scowls of the Survey Corps officers who were watching him.

“Premier Zackley, thank you for that wonderful introduction,” the man started off, making Levi roll his eyes so hard they hurt. “I would like to start off on behalf of the Military Police and say that this woman should be placed in our custody.”

The Survey Corps officers exchanged glances at that. They had been expecting the man to rant on and on about how she should be tortured, experimented on, or killed, not taken in by another branch of the military. The one closest to the King, no less.

“Interesting, state your case,” Zackley said, folding his hands in front of his face.

“We believe she could be of great use with us, sir. She could be a viable source of protection for our current ruling monarch, and we could use her to increase funding for our resources and supplies. Nobles would come from miles around to see her, it’s something we can use to better the lives of all of the soldiers in the military! Instead of groveling for money at their feet, we could charge them to come see her, within the safety of the walls, perfectly ready to display for anyone who is willing to pay.”

(Y/N) had to fight to keep from grimacing in disgust at the thought of being constantly gawked at like some kind of freak, put out for people to see as if she were some sort of entertainment for them, rather than a human being trying to fight for humanity.

“What use is earning money from her like some kind of exotic beast if our soldiers keep dying?” Erwin cut in, making (Y/N)’s eyes soften at the sound of her friend’s hard voice trying to make others see reason. “She is needed in the Survey Corps with us, it’s what she was made for. She can continue to fight against the titans with us, allowing us to give her the proper protection as she uses her gifts to make fighting these man-eating monsters a hell of a lot easier. She would waste away if she was stuck within the walls with the Military Police.”

“Well, as I see it, Commander Erwin, she can’t be trusted outside of the walls with you. She hid this for how long? How many years now has she let her comrades die over and over again, never stepping in to save them? According to her reports, she didn’t try to assist any of you during your missions other than with the normal efforts displayed by every soldier, at least, until she apparently saved Captain Levi. And rumor has it, those two are sexually involved with one another, which would make for that incident to be purely based on bias rather than a change of heart. If she really was meant to be a helpful tool for humanity, she would’ve become that by now.”

Erwin shook his head, his hand reaching out slightly to touch Levi’s forearm when the shorter raven-haired man opened his mouth to retort. “She has already explained to us her reasoning behind that. If she had shown herself on base, she would’ve risked getting hunted or killed, or getting those around her injured if someone decided to use her friends and comrades as blackmail for her capture. If she had shown herself on the field, she would’ve risked sending her comrades into shock, making it difficult, if not impossible, for them to concentrate on the mission, running the risk of twice the number of soldiers dying. She has tried to find the right time to reveal her gift to us, but it’s been nearly impossible for her, something that was proven by the men of the Garrison out on the field when she finally did reveal herself, only to get shot and chased.”

“So you are saying that she was justified in letting the hundreds of lives she could’ve saved die? Because she couldn’t find the right timing?” The Military Police pig said incredulously, his every word like a punch to (Y/N)’s gut. “I was unaware the soldiers of the Survey Corps were so selfish, cared so little about their men in battle. If this doesn’t further bolster my claims, I don’t know what would.”

“That’s not what I said,” Erwin said, his voice cold. “I said-”

“And you brought up the men from the Garrison,” the MP cut off Erwin, smiling wider at the glares thrown his way. “I have actually brought them today as witnesses. They would like to say a few words, if that is alright?”

The Premier thought for moment before giving a slow nod.

As soon as the all clear was given, the MP motioned for two of the Garrison soldiers who had fought beside the Survey Corps that day to come forward. (Y/N) growled low in her throat at the sight of the men, especially the bigger of the two, the one that had shot her. She noticed Levi tense out of the corner of her eye, knowing he remembered just as well. She threw him a quick reassuring glance just as Hanji placed a hand on his shoulder, imploring him not to react. Levi managed to calm himself, crossing his arms over his chest, but she could tell it was taking every ounce of effort from him not to kill the man.

“Names?” The Premier asked.

“Louis Bordgenson.”

“Graham Pickett.”

“Bordgenson, Pickett, could you please explain why you are here? Why do you believe (Y/N) (L/N) should be placed under Military Police custody?”

“We were two of the few to witness what happened when (L/N) saved Captain Levi from the titans, sir,” Graham said. “We are here to support the Military Police in their decision of taking (L/N) into their custody because we believe that what we saw on the field is a perfect example of the Survey Corps’ shortcomings as a branch. They need to be improved, restored with proper management and leadership. And it all starts with weeding out the soldiers that need to be corrected, allowing them to reevaluate their life choices in a place that won’t get others killed. Out on that field, we were attacked by all of the Survey Corps officers when I shot at (L/N) for my own defense, without even pausing for a moment to consider the situation. That woman attacked me, nearly knocked me right into a titan’s mouth with her wings, and flew off, leaving her comrades for dead, even as they still fought for her in the end.”

Louis nodded along with what Graham was saying before opening his mouth to add on. “Exactly. And when we got back from beyond the walls, we were arrested for attacking a Survey Corps officer. We were called lunatics, psychotics, for claiming to have seen a winged woman, and yet, here she is. We were right all along and none of the Survey Corps officers stepped forward to say it was wrong. To top it all off, when she came back, they sheltered her! Hid her with them and tried to pass everything off as normal.”

“From what I saw, (Y/N) (L/N) did not attack either of you,” Erwin said, cutting the two younger men off from continuing with their ranting diatribe. His tone was sharpened ice and his voice was filled with venom, waiting to strike like a snake in the shadows with barely suppressed fury. (Y/N) felt a conflicting wave of pride, gratitude, and apprehension wash through her. She loved Erwin, he was a close friend of hers, but that sometimes made her forget how god damn scary he could be when upset.

“You boys seem to have forgotten that you two were not the only ones on the field that day. From what everyone else saw, (Y/N) performed a great service to save a comrade, exposing herself in the most vulnerable way possible to try to help us escape. To help you, escape. She never singled you out, never tried to approach you in any manner other than one of friendly disposition. She did knock you over with the power of her wings as you mentioned, but she only did that because you were standing too close to her in your attempt to capture her for yourself. She was just trying to fly away peacefully, and would not have left us on that battlefield if you had not ordered your men to charge and fire. Your imprisonment was valid, and your accusations are dramatized and inaccurate.”

(Y/N) closed her eyes as Erwin’s last word rang out. Her stomach was churning and she felt lightheaded, her heart conflicted with so many differing emotions at once. She was grateful for Erwin and the Survey Corps, her friends who were fighting for her, fighting for her future, but she couldn’t help but feel as if she didn’t deserve them and their efforts. While she hated to admit it, the men from the Garrison weren’t wrong. She had spent years hiding her wings away, failing to save her comrades because of her fear, watching as they were devoured when the faster speed of her wings possibly could’ve saved them. Her head drooped a little as the men in front of her fought. Could she even call herself a soldier? A scout? Did she deserve to fight alongside them? Did she deserve… Levi?

She sucked in a shuddering breath, willing the tears to stay back. Maybe she did deserve to be nothing more than an animal to be viewed in a cage. Something to be gawked at and displayed like some kind of trophy. Could she even be considered human? She was so abnormal, so fucked up, mentally and physically. How could she possibly be considered safe enough to be around those she cared about?

Just as she was about to succumb to the notion of her worthlessness, a sharp, deep voice made her eyes snap open and glance to her left where her lover was standing steadfast beside his commander, his silver eyes burning like molten iron.

“Now listen here, all of the claims you have made so far have been either disproven or provided with solutions. (Y/N) has been nothing but the most amazing soldier, dutifully working to take care of everyone around her and constantly fighting for a better world. Just because you fuckwads can’t get your heads out of your asses long enough to see it, doesn’t mean it’s not true. (Y/N) was faced with an incredibly tough decision in her life, and she’s been forced to deal with it ever since she was born. She is just human. Simply, wonderfully, human, and there is nothing wrong with the choices she made,” Levi said, making (Y/N)’s eyes water with the love she felt for the raven-haired man.

“I know she will continue to be a necessary asset for the Survey Corps, where she can keep doing what she knows how to do best. If we lock her up in some manor to be cooed at by nobles, we will be lost. For god’s sake we have to deal with Jaeger every day and she’s significantly less of a threat than he is, but has twice the amount of usefulness to us.”

“Oh, as if that little experiment is going so well,” the MP said with a sneer. “The Survey Corps got custody of that one and look what’s happened? Cities destroyed, people lost. Captain Levi, your own squad got brutally murdered by an abnormal on an expedition because that titan shifter was too useless to do anything to help you. If we let you take custody of this one as well, we fear that the odds of humanity winning this war will shift further downwards. The fate of every human within these walls is in the hands of the Survey Corps soldiers. The last thing your branch needs is another distraction, or in better terms, a mistake.”

(Y/N) winced at the insult, her body flooding with icy fear as murmurs of agreement floated through the crowd. She knew she should’ve expected this possibility, had even reminded herself of the fact when Erwin left to tell the Premier about her existence earlier that week. She had known from the moment she had agreed to reveal herself publicly and use her gifts in battle to fight the titans and save her friends that this could happen. She could be turned against, experimented on, taken back to a cage and locked up, just as she had spent most of her early life. But even knowing about it didn’t stop the anger, the fear from filling her from head to toe, making her shift nervously on the wooden platform. She wanted to speak, wanted to say something to counteract what the Military Police were claiming, but she kept her mouth shut, knowing it was for the best. If she started talking now, fueled by her emotions, after spending the entire time staying quiet, it would look as if she was becoming desperate, trying to hide something. And with how hard Levi and Erwin were fighting for her, the last thing she wanted to do was ruin everything by opening her stupid mouth.

Levi and Erwin were about to retort when the Premier held up his hand, his eyes closed as he waited for the room to settle down again. The room quickly hushed. (Y/N) waited, her entire body tense as she stared up at the Premier, her heart thumping so loudly she was surprised he couldn’t hear it.

Everything will be fine.

“Based on the claims made by both parties, I have come to a decision on where the defendant shall be placed until further notice,” Zackley said.

I won’t let them take you away from me.

“While both parties have put forth compelling arguments, I can not determine whether or not bias or deceit is at play here on either side. It is because of this that I have decided to put you in the place that I believe would be the safest for humanity should things take a turn for the worst.”

No matter what, we are in this together, wings and all.

“(Y/N) (L/N), I am officially placing you under the custody of the Military Police, where you will be kept and cared for until I can find the proper evidence to prove your innocence.”

I love you.

(Y/N) felt her world shift. She heard Levi’s roar of fury, Erwin’s sharp voice ringing out into the hall as he tried to reason with the Premier, Hanji’s screech of shock and anger, but no words registered. The Military Police. Anything but the Military Police. She wanted to struggle against her binds, wanted to roar and scream and snap, wanted to stretch her wings and fly away, far away, just her and Levi together. But she couldn’t do that. She hung her head, unable to hold back the tidal wave of tears this time as they slid down her cheeks in clear rivers, running down her soft skin to splatter on the floor beneath her.

She could practically hear the smirk in the MP’s voice as he thanked the Premier and barked orders at his assembled soldiers to grab her. She wanted nothing more than to slap that smug grin off his face but she knew she couldn’t. She forced herself to take deep breaths as she felt hands rain down on her, touching her, dragging her, chaining her.

When she was finally unhooked from the steel post in the center of the room, the Military Police soldiers holding her tightly between them, dragging her towards the door, (Y/N) managed to look up. She caught Levi’s eye from where he was being held back by both Erwin and Hanji, the sorrow and desperation in those stunning gunmetal hues making her heart shatter. She didn’t know when she’d see him again, if she ever would see him again. And even if she was granted the opportunity to see him, she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold him, kiss him, love him like she always did.

Even though her heart was being ripped to shreds, (Y/N) managed a watery smile in his direction, her lips moving to mouth the words, “I will see you again, I promise,” to him. She saw him stand a little straighter, a glint in his eye as he took her words to heart. She just knew that he was going to do everything in his power to make that happen.

No matter what, we are in this together, wings and all.

(Y/N) kept her eyes on him as she was led back through the large wooden doors of the courtroom, refusing to look away from her lover until the doors had completely shut behind her, officially separating her from the love of her life.

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pagesoflauren · 4 years

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Henry Cavill Vampire Anthology: Memories Bring Back Memories...

darkish!vampire!Napoleon Solo x reader

Warnings: not-fully-fleshed-out vampire lore, vampire-typical violence, angst, pseudo-blackmailing, mentions of trauma/parental neglect

A/N: So, played around with an idea and based it on this creepypasta. I had also read a fic with this idea with Harry Styles, but I can’t find it anymore. I hope y’all enjoy this 🤞🏽

Your eyes sting when you first open them, the sight of the bright hospital lights making your pupils constrict painfully.

You’re connected to various machines through tubes attached to your arms. You can hear the steady rhythm on the heart rate monitor grow increasingly faster as you fail to get your bearings.

Somewhere in your subconscious you know you shouldn’t move so violently, but you do. Your arms thrash and tug at wires, causing the wheels on the machines to roll across the tile floor.

Cool hands press against your hot skin. Your muscles move to cringe away from the shock until you look into the face of the person.

It’s a man; a beautiful stranger with blue eyes and perfect features.

You must be dead.

“Relax, darling,” he soothes you, the prosody of his voice a little sing-songy compared to others you’ve spoken to. You don’t know anyone who speaks the way he does.

“Who are you?”

He looks so pained, his eyebrows coming together and moving upwards. His eyes drift down for a moment as he appears to collect his thoughts before meeting yours again. He runs his knuckles against your cheek. His touch is so unfamiliar that you lean away from it, though he acts as if he’s done this a million times before.

“You’ll remember soon.”

A lie, but you don’t need to know that.

“I’ll get the nurse.”

He reaches over to the space next to your head. The button clicks when he presses it and a white light above it turns on.

He takes in the wild look in your eyes as you take in your surroundings, looking at spots behind him before scanning the rest of the room. Your breathing slows, as shown by your chest slowing but also by the audible sound of your lungs shrinking as your ribs close around them.

He finds such beauty in the way your body moves in sync, how your heartbeat also loses speed. Your body temperature goes down, some of your warmth disappearing from him.

You’re quite perfect, aren’t you?

Though, he made you this way.

You foolishly let your guard down while walking home and unfortunately crossed paths with him on the verge of a literal mental breakdown.

Mortals use that term to describe when they’re under excessive amounts of stress and lose all sensibility.

His kind uses it when their minds follow their bodies: dead. When their brains lose their mental vigor, they turn to humans to fulfill their needs.

Most people don’t survive an attack from those like him. They are drained of their very essence. Everything that made them who they are, the experiences that shaped their beliefs, the emotions that arise when they navigate the world… is all stolen away in a few moments with a bite at the back of the neck.

Others, like you, come out in better shape. A little disoriented, more recent memories lost but still many intact ones. Enough to allow you to still function, only less effectively than before.

You were an easy target. Napoleon was ready to empty your little head and leave you a slump on the street. But your memories intrigued him.

Your mother. Your father. A second man he can assume is a step-father. An empty road at night illuminated by passing headlights. Dingy living in the city you’re currently in, riddled with rats and flies. Tables filled with food while your stomach grumbled, seedy customers that grabbed your retracting hands, shady characters you pass on the way back home from work.

Napoleon knows that life. On the run in strange cities, sneaking around, avoiding an entire task force created especially for him. He knows women. He’s certain he’s met every single type of them in the long time he’s been alive and has been around long enough to have met each type twice.

There’s one type of woman he actively tries to avoid, though. The type of woman that led to his heart shattered on the floor when it was still beating: the ones who need him; the helpless kind.

That’s exactly what you were. It was clear there were things you were ready to forget. You needed a clean slate. He could help you rebuild your mental health, give you beautiful memories to hold on to.

You needed him.

The nurses were saying you had a case of memory loss from when you fell and hit your head, but your boyfriend was there to take care of you. He had all the paperwork filled out because he was the one that took you to the hospital three days ago.

You were knocked out for three days.

It overwhelmed you, but they reassured you he was your emergency contact.

As such, after all the tests and brain scans, you were given into his care. His embrace felt foreign, but you didn’t protest when he insisted you take his hand as you walked to his car together.

You twiddled your thumbs as he drove through a city you swore you have never seen before. You have an overwhelming sense of deja vu, something that rings a faint bell when you see a certain street corner or the unlit neon sign of a restaurant. It sounds when you pass a dilapidated apartment building with chipping paint and a rusty fire escape. You can conjure an image of what a unit inside would look like, hear the creaks of the floor, or the failing stovetop as you try to boil water.

His house is out of the city, on a quiet street straight out of a magazine. The inside is neat and it almost puts you off. You don’t feel at home here.

“How are you feeling, darling? You need a rest?”

“I think so. I-I don’t remember anything, it’s a lot to be in here.”

A gentle hand lays on your shoulder, turning you to a corridor. “Last door on the right. I’ll make you some tea.”

Tea? Do you like tea? You can’t remember…

You’re startled by the light tap on your bottom that makes you stumble forward. When you look back at him, he’s heading towards the kitchen.

The bedroom is fairly simple, with blue checkered covers you could expect from a man your boyfriend’s age.

Taking a look around, you find your makeup on a vanity by the window. There are two sets of drawers and you assume the one next to the vanity is yours.

Sirens are going off in your head now. There are no bells of recollection.

You go into the bathroom, sliding the glass door of the shower cubicle open.

It was the nicest shower you had ever seen, with a dark blue backsplash and five different showerheads. On the floor, you find products that are far out of your budget. They were the luxury items you saw in the drugstore that you would only hope to afford one day.

You pick up the bottle of shampoo. It’s heavier than you expect, brand new.

“Darling?” his voice calls into the bedroom. You hear the teacup rattle on a saucer as his footsteps draw closer. “Ah, there you are.”

You put the bottle down and turn to face him. His large frame fills the doorframe as he leans against it, the cup and saucer looking so delicate in his large hand.

“Why can’t I remember anything?” It comes out as a whine, but you can’t hold in your frustration. Surely, you’d have some memory of this.

“You fell pretty hard, darling. I was very distressed,” he explains, placing your drink on the counter next to the sink.

“But I really don’t remember anything. This house, the bedroom, the shower...I don’t even remember you…or what I called you.”

“Napoleon,” he supplies. “You always called me by my first name.”

You didn’t know his name until now. All the other women he’s known called him by other names, aliases. His name is reserved for his mother.

And now you.

“It’s so much, Napoleon.” He sees panic return to your eyes. It’s the same look you had when he grabbed you on the street. You clutched at the arm that constricted around your neck, breathing weak utterances of “please” over and over again.

“Maybe...maybe I could go somewhere, just for a few days. And if I rest, just, outside of here, I’ll have a clear mind and can remember…”

He looks down and sighs. He pushes off the doorframe and takes short, careful steps toward you.

“Darling, I hate to tell you this,” he begins, tucking your hair behind your ears. His palms cradle your jaw, tilting your head back so you can look up at him. “But your memories won’t come back.”

You blink rapidly in disbelief, shaking your head as much as you can. “But...but the nurses said--”

“The nurses don’t know what they were talking about,” he says gently.

You say nothing, staring into his beautiful face, searching for answers.

“You won’t get your memories back because I have them.”

“What does that mean?”

“Does your neck hurt?”

Icy fingers touch the back of your neck, a jolt of pain shooting down your spine and your knees buckle. You clutch at his shirt to keep yourself standing.

“Ah, it does.” He smiles, prominent pointed teeth glinting in the bathroom light. “Because that’s where I bit you. And I have all your memories, darling. Apart from the few that are still bouncing around that pretty head of yours.”

You push him away as best you can, which isn’t very much, and back away. The glass door rattles as you come in contact with it, trying to create more space between your bodies.

“You...you can’t be--that can’t be true. That’s impossible.”

A bite on your neck? Something you’ll never get back?

Vampires feed on blood, not memories…

“You came to this city to escape your broken family. Your father abandoned you. Your step-father didn’t care for you. Your mother was so blinded by love to see how you were neglected.”

The bells again. Bells are better than sirens, but not this time.

“No.” You refuse to listen.

“I’m here to keep you safe. You need someone to keep you safe. And you need someone to rebuild that little memory of yours.”

The gears click in your head. You have happy memories of you and your mom. No man was there. He could be lying.

But how could you know with certainty?

“How do I know you’re telling me the truth?”

“I don’t know, darling,” he says, stepping towards you again. He leans down, pressing his nose to yours in an Eskimo kiss. “Guess you’ll just have to stick around and find out.”

Permatag: @caffiend-queen @fckdeusername @lou-la-lou @bangtan-serendipity @stargazingfangirl18 @lovemarvelousfics @rainbowkisses31 @richonne4life @damnndeanndamnn @meetmeatyourworst @tinyplanet-explorer @vivien-1211 @unknownmystery22 @nerdygirl8203 @xoxabs88xox @mariaenchanted @gotnofucks

HCVA Tag: @october505

Peeps I hope are interested: @searchforanotherway @threeminutesoflife @sapphirescrolls

#henry cavill #henry cavill au #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x you #napoleon solo #napoleon solo x reader #napoleon solo x you #napoleon solo au #The Man from UNCLE AU #The Man from UNCLE fic #The Man from UNCLE #The Man from UNCLE (2015)#tmfu fic #tmfu fanfic #Henry Cavill Vampire Anthology #ficsofpagesoflauren

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senchoubutter · 4 years

Text

Twisted Wonderland Guys As Kpop Songs I Listen To Too Much + Why

i’ma just say it now, i primarily listen to girl groups since I cover songs and they are in my range and i find them fun to cover most so expect a lot of those.

All songs are linked!!

Scarabia

Jamil

- Lucifer by SHINee || First and foremost I can see him performing this, easily. Aside from that, the song is tasty and classic. Jamil is a smart attractive man that is incredibly talented despite flying under the radar. People know of him but don’t take note until they know him, similarly to this song. It goes hard and you’ve probs heard it mentioned but you haven’t experienced until you played it at 3 am, screaming your heart out. Get to know Jamil and he ain’t just “some guy”

Kalim

- Um Oh Ah Yeh by MAMAMOO || This song reminds me of the 90s/2000s and there’s something about Kalim that also does that for me. Maybe it’s the not a care in the world disposition. I can see and feel in the second verse’s rap, Kalim’s warm smile. I can imagine him grabbing my hand, telling me to chin up. The choruses make me think of simpler times. Finally, Kalim seems like he’s always having a good time just like this song

Ignihyde

Ortho

- Candy Pop by TWICE (yes i know its jp) || This song always puts me in a good mood. It makes me feel warm inside and like everything will work out. When I see Ortho, I feel the need to protect him but also can’t help but feel like everything will be okay. Something about him brings a happy, warm peace to my heart that reminds me to just take a moment and find the good in life. The peppy beat of it just makes me think about how he almost always is smiling!

Idia

- Fairy of Shampoo by TOMORROW X TOGETHER || the song starts an I feel as if I’ve awoken floating in the deep sea, but i’m not scared. I feel at peace and as if I’ve been here before. The song tastes like iced tea and feels like nostalgia. When I look at Idia I see my past self and even present self. I’m afraid, I want to hide. The feelings the verses gives me reminds me of laying in bed, curled up in a jacket that hides my whole body, similarly to Idia’s. The song and Idia’s character call out to a nostalgic but soft side to a distant past I can’t recall. I want to stay with them until I can remember

Savanaclaw

Leona

- gogobebe by MAMAMOO || It’s got a lazy but sexy sound that Leona emboides. When the song picks up in the choruses it’s like it takes over your body, drowning the listener in an ocean of sensuality and playful teasing. It’s got a lil edge though too that caters to the gruff “fuck off” expression he has. I see the noise Hwasa makes at the end as the wanton but confused noise fans make as the man leaves, tail swinging after teasing them

Ruggie

- BAAM by Momoland || BAAM has such a sassy hyped up beat that screams a bitch that gets shit done, owns who they are, and lives life having fun. And it embodies everything I feel upon seeing Ruggie's smug smile. Even the rap bit during the second chorus has the sass and done-ness of “Leona-san! Get up!!”

Jack

- Bomb by AleXa || This song kicks your ass and so does Jack. Don’t for four seconds think he won’t beat the shit outta ya for underestimating him, similarly to AleXa and her music. The energy and the “I’ll show you” vibes remind me of this big dweeb. I would fear this man but turn to love him much like how I felt about this song as it was this artist’s first song. How do I say they just embody each other in my opinion lol

Pomefiore

Vil

- DUN DUN by Everglow || The sass. This song screams THAT BITCH, just like Vil’s everything. The way he carries himself is personified in this song. The power the song holds reminds me of his unique magic and how intense it is. Finally, the slower bridge is mythical and light as if giving the listener a feeling like they are walking on air and plays to the softer and more feminine side of Vil

Rook

- FINGERTIP by GFriend || Everything about this song is exciting. It’s suspenseful and alluring. If this song was a person, I could clear as day see it winking, whispering “chase me.” And that is exactly Rook’s brand of teasing and games. He’s a hunter but he’s got a charming aura to him still. This song wraps both of those things into it. The dance break is Rook’s darker senses personified. Umji’s lil “OW!” is he’s cute lil remarks in french, throwing you off now and then. But by the end of the song, you’re used to them and adore them

Epel

- Crossroads by GFriend || This song feels like a long lost friend that visits you in dreams. You can practically reach out to them but just as you do, you wake up. But you’re determined. That alone reminds me of Epel’s character as a whole. He doesn’t let his cute appearance push aside his wants and needs to be this tough guy. He, like Yuju’s strong vocals at the last chorus, presses on, determined each time he gets knocked down

Diasomnia

Lilia

- Deja Vu by Dreamcatcher || Maybe I’m biased cause I’ve covered this but this song is breathtaking. The melody speaks of a long road and the fight to keep on which I feel rings true for Lilia. We don’t know his true age but it’s clear he’s been around for quite a wild and the pain he’s probably gone through is unspeakable. He has stories galore and so much experience in life. I feel this song encapsulates a lot of what can only be speculated about him

Silver

- Crème Brûlée by GFriend || the soft, sweet song is addictive and cutesy. I feel Silver gets written off or ignored often, similarly to this song on the album. Sure he may not be god or a bad bad bitch, but he has his own warmth to him. Like this song, Silver makes me wanna curl up under a tree on an August evening and just take in life, making sure to breathe for once, releasing unnecessary tension and stress.

Sebek

- Black Dress by CLC || Sebek is very interesting to me and when he blushes, my whole heart stops for a second. It’s similar to how when they build up to the chorus‘s first Black Dress and the music stops for like a split second. Sebek isn’t my favorite but isn’t my least favorite. I like him more than some though, I’d say. I’d say the same goes for this song. I love CLC, this isn’t my top song of theirs but I still like it a lot. There’s something uniform about the beat that resounds with Sebek as getting shit done in mind also. Sometimes a song just makes you think of a character and you can’t perfectly explain it

Malleus

- Pretty Savage by BLACKPINK || Yes i know t’s only recently come out as i post this, but this bad boy on replay. The beat isn’t crazy upbeat but it’s interesting. Malleus intidimates me in general cause of his aura, and while I love this song a lot rn, it was very intimidating at first. It still has some “don’t come near me” energy. The slower bridge bit calls to his stoic expression, melodic and pretty

Heartslabyul

Cater

- ICY by ITZY || I’ll be honest both Cater as well as this song were things I thought at first were just meh, okay. But as time went on both grew on me. Now that’s not the only reason though I associate this with him. The, no pun intended, ice shattering sound of the song gives me friendly popular girl that seems to be buds with 80% of the school. This is the very vibe Cater always gives me. He wants to just have a good, happy life. Also the song is a “so what? I’m hot. Get over it.” vibe like Cater

Ace

- Drama by TOMORROW X TOGETHER || Ace reminds me the guy you fall in love with in high school and you no it’s not going to last but you let yourself get taken away with. Drama feels like a soundtrack of every fun adventure Ace goes on, no matter the trouble that he may get on. It’s fun beat just brings me back to skipping school, running to my car and trying to sneak away without getting caught. The thought of Ace at my side, would shoot my adrenaline through the roof just like the high note of the song

Deuce

- God’s Menu by Stray Kids || Deuce is just ready to go swinging and that’s exactly what this song is. Elbows up and out, head down, swinging without a clue. The intensity and fire of it speaks to that fire in him. Meanwhile the prechoruses are soft and pleasant almost like it’s not the same song, alluding to that cute lil smile he has got

Trey

- REALLY REALLY by WINNER || Similarly to Ace, this song reminds me of a guy you fall for, but in college rather than high school. Everything about the song and Trey just feels right. The choruses hold your hand and fits perfectly in yours. They know what to say to make everything okay. It may not last, but you sure hope it does and will love them like it will. And while Trey isn’t my number one boy, those are the exact feelings I have about him too. Finally, the rap part reminds me of Trey’s more sadistic side, it bites and you may not think it fits entirely but the more familiar you get with them, the more both fit and you don’t mind it entirely

Riddle

- Wonderland by ATEEZ || The demanding nature of the song makes me think of Riddle immediately. It’s intense and doesn’t mess around; it wants what it wants. Riddle is a rule based person and this song is rather militaristic aesthetically. The bridge though, is so regal and breathtaking. It could stop time. Riddle, despite the kind of guy he is, is the same way. The power he holds is impressive and admirable. This description may seem kinda like I’m shitting on him and see him solely as a rule boy, but like this song, I have made respect for him and wouldn’t want to cross him

Octavinelle

Azul

- Love Battery by Hong Jin Young but performed by LOONA on Immortal Songs || This arrangement of the song has a certain magic to it that I melt in. At the very beginning as the build up singing ‘dangsineun’ i feel like I’m being submerged in a wave, reaching to shake Azul’s hand, signing a contract. The choruses remind me of his smile, how distant but inviting it is. Daring me to fall for him. The dance break bridge reminds me of the intense eyes behind those glasses

Jade

- Love Shot by EXO || This song and Jade are both things I am fearful of but greatly intrigued by. They share a scary beat and energy that says I fear you more when you’re smiling. Please stop slowly walking towards me, you’re scaring me. But at the very same time, the choruses keep me around like how pretty I find this twin. The combo of put together, intellectual friend but could kill easily and without remorse sends shivers down my spine if I think about it for too long. The chorus of this song make me shake my shoulders that suppress a shiver each time

Floyd

- WEE WOO by Pristin || I love both Floyd and WEE WOO. The song is the feeling you get going 85 down the highway. Both song and Floyd, get me excited. They feel like the weekend. That feeling of coming home Friday during high school, tossing your bookbag down, and getting ready to hang out with your best friend. It’s a relieving and exciting feeling. It’s a peppy beat that bites during the harmonies a bit. Just like Floyd. Peppy, fun, but ain’t afraid to take a lil nibble

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thorne93 · 4 years

Text

Inside the Criminal Mind (Part 31)

Prompt: You’re married to Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU, and are a distinguished doctor yourself on the team. You’re sent down to Miami, Florida for teaching and as a side request from the FBI, to investigate a string of missing persons. When you think you’ve figured out who the unsub is, your life becomes more complicated than you ever could’ve imagined.

Word Count: 3515

Warnings: (throughout the fic –>) death, blood, gore, killings, language, disturbing mental notions, mentions of rapes/murder/etc (You know, Dexter and Criminal Minds related business)

Notes: Thank you so much to @arrow-guy, @carryonmyswansong, and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo - without each of you, I couldn’t have finished, written, or properly navigated this story. Each of you helped me fish out details that were incredibly important to me. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo… Aesthetic by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo

This is a crossover of Criminal Minds x Dexter. First time writing Dexter.

Also, the timeline is after Season 1 of Dexter, but during season 14-ish of Criminal minds into Season 15. Enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re back kinda late,” Spencer noted as he read a book, sitting in the hotel chair next to the small desk they provided.

“Yeah, uh, Dexter got stabbed at a bowling alley,” you explained.

“Is he alright?” he asked, closing his book and looking at you, trying to find signs of distress.

You mindlessly tossed your purse and keys onto the table. “Yeah, no he’s fine. Sorry, should’ve led with that. Uh, but he was stabbed by his mother’s murderer. Apparently, a few weeks ago, on the horrible advice of his NA sponsor, he went to find him in Naples and confront him. I guess things got heated, they had a fight, and somehow he found out who Dexter was and followed him. He came up behind Dexter. I had to warn him, and help fight him off. He got in his truck and got away though.”

“Sounds like an intense night. Are you okay?”

You nodded as Spencer stood up to come rub your arms and check on you.

“I’m fine, yeah.”

“Is everything alright? You seem a bit distant.”

“Well, I have something I want to ask you and I’m worried how you’ll take it.”

“No secrets, remember? Just ask me. I’m sure I’ll be fine,” he assured with a sweet smile. A smile you’d nearly forgotten about. You hadn’t seen it in so long.

You took a deep breath, your eyes casting to the ugly hotel carpeting. “Okay, Dexter and I think it would be a good idea if you came along with us to kill his mother’s murderer.” You let out the breath you’d been holding.

Spencer’s hands let go of your arms. Your eyes flashed up to see what his facial reaction was. It was morphed into a deep frown.

Okay, yeah, you knew that was coming.

“What?” he asked, clearly put off. “Y/N, that’s the most insane idea i’ve ever heard. I don’t want to be any more a part of this than I am, than I have to be. You want to drag me along to watch this? And since when are you going back to killing again?”

“I’m not. I just want to be there to help Dexter. It’s mainly for moral support, nothing else.”

“Funny choice of words,” he said balefully as he began walking around the room, his hands going to his hair, disheveling it even further.

“Don’t start right now. Look, I wasn’t thrilled either, but Dexter made a point. We think maybe you have this horrible imagery built up in your head about what we do, what he does. Some kind of villainous nightmare. Subjectively, yes, he does kill and he kills gruesomely. But objectively, this time we thought you could have some perspective. You nearly killed Cat because she had your mother hostage. This man brutally murdered his mother in front of him and his brother as little kids. Tell me you can’t find some iota of sympathy in you. I’m not saying you’ll enjoy this or want to do it, but maybe if you just watched us, watched his process, you’d see he wasn't some unhinged unsub.” You let out a breath, starting to feel frustrated. You didn’t know why you had to spell this out for him and it was getting old. Either he understood, or he didn’t.

He sighed, clenching his fist as he turned his head to the side, not looking at you. “Alright, you’re right. I said I’d support you in this, and I haven’t given you the full chance to show me what you two have done. I just assumed the worst, and because I love you, I forgave your actions. But you’re right, if I’m going to keep helping you two, Ineed to know exactly what it is you two do.”

“Really? You’ll do this?”

“I’m not excited about it, but if I’m going to fully understand where your mind was at and what you two did together, I need to see it. I think it will be beneficial either way. It might bring us closer together, it might help me see it from your view.”

You nodded. “Good. I think it will help. He wants to do it in the morning because it’ll take all day to get to him in Naples, abduct him, and kill, and dispose of him.”

“Wow, that’s soon. What about work? All 3 of us can’t just disappear for a day.”

You bit your lip. “Shit, I forgot. Well, we just need to wait for a break in the case that could get us all some time off. As soon as things slow down one day, and they give us a break, we’ll go.”

He nodded in response and the next day, you told Dex your tentative schedule. He agreed that all three of you needed to be present, and in order to not raise further suspicion, you’d have to wait on Rossi to deem you all had worked too much, and for there to be a point for your team to just wait.

Doakes was eventually brought in but he barely stayed two minutes before he rushed out. You frowned, wondering why he was so upset, but kept back to your case work.

---------------

Much to your surprise, the BAU team started to look into officers past, but thankfully not into Dexter. In fact, they set their sights on Doakes, so all effort went into locating him. That was mainly on Garcia and Luke. Once Rossi and Matthews had declared him suspect number one, known only to your team, not the Miami PD, the case became hands off. It was a waiting game to see where Daokes would show up. All the profiling in the world couldn’t help with seeing where he might be going, but Rossi declared that the team should take a break while you all wait for some kind of news about his whereabouts. This was it, it was the chance you needed. Albeit noon, it provided enough time to get to Naples, stalk him, and do the rest.

You and Spencer went to Dexter’s lab immediately and told him you needed to go. The three of you drove to his apartment where it was like deja vu.

“Okay, so here’s how I operate,” Dexter explained, pulling out his trunk and duffel bags. “I’ve got all my kill tools in here, including the sedative, plastic wrap, and duct tape. Tonight, all we need is duct tape, plastic, scalpel, slides, dropper, and I’ll need to stop to pick up a chainsaw.”

You glanced to Spencer to see how he was holding up. He had a bit of a sick look on his face.

“Is the chainsaw really necessary?” he asked.

“I typically try to use whatever my victims do. Unless it’s poison or suffocation. In this case, I think it’s highly fitting.”

“Y/N’s said that you usually kill them quickly, so they don’t feel pain. She said you do this with a large knife, like a hunting knife. Are we not using one tonight?”

“Normally, yes, I stab them in the heart so it lowers the amount of spray and they have a rather quick death, but tonight, Jiminez deserves to feel everything.”

“So this is the most personal kill you’ll do?”

“Probably,” he responded with a bit of a shrug. “Alright. I hope you don’t love those clothes because there will be blood on them. I need to pack my apron, mask, and other protective gear. Y/N, you want your clothes?”

“You let him keep your clothes?” Spencer asked, an undercurrent of hurt in his tone.

“We thought it would be safer. He could wash them with his, and you’d never see them…” you quietly responded, feeling as if you were on trial.

With that, you told Dexter you wanted your clothes. You quickly changed into your old kill outfit, feeling an odd sensation being in them with Spencer around. Dexter offered Spencer some old clothes but he declined, rudely.

Then the two of you set off in Dexter’s van. He stopped and picked up the chainsaw. Spencer said nothing to you while you two waited in the car. You were trying to gauge his thoughts and feelings, but he was giving almost nothing to go on. It made you feel anxious. You were somewhat terrified he’d leave this experience hating you, fearing you, seeing you as nothing more than a sick unsub. It could backfire and instead of bringing you closer together, it put you further apart.

Dexter drove all the way to Naples, explaining how he was going to stalk Jimenez. Spencer didn’t have many questions, seeing as it was his job to know how unsubs thought, worked, calculated. He didn’t compliment or condescend him.

Still, you were on edge about his reaction to all of this.

Dexter drove up to the bar where Jiminez worked, and you all followed him, watching, waiting. You were sure Dexter was feeling the same thing you were - rush of adrenaline, all your senses sharpened, the ever vigilant eyes.

Eventually, the stalking led you three to a run down cabin in the Everglades. It was extremely remote. After sitting with the engine killed for a long time and being sure Jiminez wouldn’t come out, Dexter turned to you two.

“You remember this part, right?’

You nodded, in student mode once more. “Of course. We’re going to lure him out and sedate him.”

“Wrong. You’re going to,” Dexter told you firmly. “Get in my bag, get the sedative.”

Quickly, deftly, you did as you were told. You got the syringe out, opened the door quietly, and slipped out. You pulled the cap off and tossed it back in the car. Just as you were about to walk by Dexter’s driver window, he stopped you.

“Wait, come here,” he quietly ordered. You walked back over and Dexter put his hand on yours.

Red flags went off in Spencer’s mind. The simple touch seemed to make all those old feelings resurface. He always knew there was something further than just a friendship between you two.

“Hold it like this, remember?” he instructed, wrapping your fingers in a particular way. “Keep the needle out, away from you. Go check, make sure he’s alone, create something to lure him out, and then attack from behind.”

The small correction suddenly set Spencer at ease. Dexter was, in fact, just teaching you something. There was nothing remotely romantic about it at all. Some of the nerves he had built up, melted way.

“I know,” you reminded evenly, confidence in your tone, but not arrogance. You knew Dexter had done this dozens of times. But he also needed to remember he trained you extensively.

You walked quickly and low to the ground as you went to a window and peeked in. You saw Jiminez and no one else. After a second, you snuck back over to the truck and turned on the radio, before going to hide against the wall again.

Your heart was racing, your hand was shaking slightly until you took a deep breath.

Jiminez came out, you ran up behind him, injected the serum, and he passed out cold. You looked back at the van and held a thumbs up. Dexter jumped out of the van and Spencer following.

Spencer’s instructions were clear: don’t get in the way.

You and Dexter had a system now and half the reason for this trip was to show him how you two worked together. You two grabbed all of the supplies from the back hatch. Spencer followed you and Dexter as you moved quickly in the cabin. Every inch was covered in plastic. You two moved around each other as if you were long time dance partners, every move choreographed, every move done with precision.

Spencer stood and watched, objectively, trying not to let it sink in that you two were really about to kill someone.

Next, you and Dexter carried Jiminez into the room, finished off the plastic, and got him strapped to the table after disrobing him. Not a word was spoken the entire time and Spencer couldn’t help but notice. Dexter didn’t have to tell you what was next, he didn’t have to instruct you on a single thing. This was as methodical as it could get.

You got Dexter’s slides ready, along with his scalpel and dropper. Dexter busied himself with his clothing, getting all the gear in place. You and Spencer put on your face shields, to protect from blood spatter.

“Y/N, do you have your knife?” Dexter asked.

“Yes.”

“Go ahead and show me where you’d stop blood flow,” he evenly requested.

It was becoming increasingly clear to Spencer as he watched you two that everything had a purpose, everything was clinical. There was no malice in it. It was only calculating. The entire time you three had been together today, there wasn’t any jokes, any goofing off. When you and Dexter interacted, it was educational.

You put the knife over his chest, the tip barely cutting through the plastic.

Dexter again, offered his hand, without warning, and wrapped his fingers around yours from the opposite side of the table.

“Almost, just a hair up towards the chin and towards the left just a little,” he calmly explained.

“Right,” you agreed, then pulled your blade away.

“Wait, you’re not killing him?” Spencer asked.

“No, this is Dexter’s kill. In light of who this man is, Dexter has elected to kill him the exact same way his mother was… with no mercy.”

As you finished your sentence, Jiminez began stirring. Dexter made his way to the head of the table.

“Here we are again,” he said, picking up the surgical blade and slicing along his victim’s cheek.

“What-- what the fuck?!” Jiminez gasped out.

“I know. I keep asking myself that same question.” He absorbed the blood, and squirted it onto the readied slides provided by you.

“Let me out of here!”

“But.. I’m finding it’s best to accept things you can’t change. Now is where I have a chat with you, so you know exactly why you’re here. I think you have a pretty good idea, and I certainly know why you’re here, but I have some company tonight that I’d like you to tell.”

He glanced at you and Spencer. Jiminez did the same.

“Let me go. I got cocaine. You can have all of it.”

“It’s funny you should say that. I am off the wagon. But that was never my drug.”

“I’ll fucking kill you!” he cried out angrily.

“Hey,” you quietly commanded, hovering over Jiminez. “My friend told you to talk. Years ago. You committed a heinous crime in a shipping container, a young woman, two boys. I want you to admit it.”

“Fuck you!” Jiminez spat.

You slapped Jiminez hard, but swift. “Cut the sht. You’re strapped to our table, huh? You’re not getting out of this. The least you can do is maybe clear your conscience before you meet your maker. So confess. What was it you did all those years ago to a young mother in front of her kids?”

Jiminez stared at you, he looked like he was about to spit at you or shout more obscenities so you warned him.

“If you spit at me, or say anything other than what happened, I’ll make you wish you never opened your mouth. Are we clear?”

He nodded once.

“Fucking hell! Fine! I cut her up. I chopped her to pieces. I killed that bitch because she was fucking a cop! Not my fault her fucking kids were there! It had to be done!” he cried out. “It wasn’t personal! It was business!”

“It was personal for him,” you said, pointing to Dexter. “You killed a young mother in front of two innocent little boys. They grew up to be killers, just like you. You took their lives away. All for some blow? I hope you rot.” You looked up to Dexter, giving him a nod to signal you were done. Then you took a step back next to Spencer.

Spencer glanced between you and Jiminez. Finally, it was clear to him. This man had no redeeming qualities. Cat adams was a walk int he park compared to him. He finally truly understood what this whole thing was about, how you two worked.

“I’m going to kill you tonight, Mr. Jiminez for what you did to my mother, and because well, this is what I do best.”

At that, Dexter picked up the chainsaw at his feet, started it, and began cutting. You’d seen this before, but not on a live victim. Spencer hadn’t been exposed to this, making you still very unsure where his mind was at.

The goriness was done, the body was cut, ready to be transported into a bag and then moved. Dexter began going through his wallet.

“Is this usually part of the routine?” Spencer asked.

“No, but I’m curious,” Dexter passively said. He dug into the wallet and found a note that had the address of the bowling alley and the time he went. “What the hell?” he mused.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” you asked, making your way over to him to read what was in his hand. “What--”

“I only went with you, but I also told my sponsor where I went that night. Lila. Fuck!” he cried out.

“Lila? I told you to get away from her,” you reminded angrily.

“I’ve been trying to. But this means that she called Jiminez and told him where I was going to be.”

“But why?”

He threw his head back in thought. “She probably wanted us to be close. The night I met Jiminez, we got into a fight. I was upset, broken, she and I shared a hotel room. Nothing happened except us talking all the way into the morning. I bet she thought if he attacked me again, I’d go running to her.”

“That’s why you and Rita have been on and off lately, isn't it? She found out about you and Lila.”

“That, and some other things.”

You shook your head. “Dex...” Disappointment laced your tone. “I told you that chick was bad news.”

“I know, I fucked up, but--”

His phone rang and he held up a finger before he answered it. It was Rita, she asked if he had used her key to the house. He told her to get out of the house and call the cops. He hung up the phone and quickly explained he needed to leave because he thought Lila might be at Rita's house.

“I can drop you two off at your hotel, but I really need to go,” he said.

“No, we’re going with you to Rita’s. If Lila is there, we need to help you.”

“Are you just going to leave this guy here?” Spencer asked, gesturing to the body, sounding alarmed.

“Well I can’t take him with me. Use some of those IQ points, Agent Reid.”

“It’s Dr. Reid,” he spat back, his face eerily calm so you quickly stepped between them.

“Okay, calm down. Dexter, let’s just go back to the city. Jiminez isn’t the type to share a cabin full of cocaine with anyone.”

“Can you dispose of him?” he asked.

“With what? We don’t have your boat.”

“Shit, you’re right. Okay. We’ll just have to deal with him later. I need to go to Rita’s.”

With that, the three of you took what you needed and loaded into the van quickly. Dexter nearly broke the speed limit the whole way. You changed into your old clothes and stuffed the bloody ones in a bag and kept them in the van for Dexter to deal with. Spencer took off the cardigan he wore over, leaving him in a normal shirt.

The three of you walked up to Rita’s place. She apologized for bothering you before asking why you two were there.

“We were out for drinks,” you quickly lied easily. “Good to see you again Rita, just wish it were better circumstances.”

With that, Dexter spoke to the police while you tried to console Rita. When he was done, he said he was going to see Lila.

“Let me come. You don't need to face this psycho on your own.”

“No, Y/N, I really do,” he responded, walking quickly. He turned and put his hands on your shoulders. “Thank you, for coming ot make sure Rita and the kids are alright both of you--” he shot a look to Spencer “--but I need to face her on my own. If i show up with you, it’ll just add fuel to the fire of this jealous inferno she has. I can handle it. I’ll drop you at your hotel and then I’m going to her place. I’ll be fine.”

And so he did. He drove you to your hotel where you hugged him quickly, called him an idiot for not listening to you sooner, to which he smiled and agreed, then he left to face his psycho sponsor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#inside the criminal mind #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fic #spencer reid #dexter morgan #dexter #dexter fic

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penninstitute · 4 years

Text

Case #0190811

Statement of Jameson Kisler and his writing ability. Statement given on August 11, 2019.

I would like to preface this statement with something very important: I never meant harm to anyone who has read my works.

I suppose I should start from the beginning. I have been writing for 30 years now and I’ve built up a fanbase with my works. Countless people have come to my book signing and those people have credited my novels to be extraordinary and different from other authors they’ve read. At the time, I’d feel a sort of ego boost and simply thank them for the compliment.

It is always the silence afterwards that hurts the most, I think. When the person leaves, they walk down the sidewalk and to their life, unsuspected to their nearing doom. A week passes and they’re found dead, run over by a bus or a sudden heart attack or their apartment complex has a gas leak and they’re never able to escape in time. They die and I’m the reason for it. The death toll is different each time, too, but it rises and rises each time someone new reads my books.

At first, though, my writing was simple. There was a beginning, a middle, and an end. It was just that. I was working as a freelancer writer, too, and I never had a deadline. I could write and not worry as much. There is a certain joy in writing something you can enjoy. I found myself in a zone and sometimes, I would write the whole day. I lost contact with most of my friends as a result, but I had a job to do, and it was to write.

Who knew that could change in one day.

Another thing I find important worth mentioning is I write on a typewriter. It is old, but it gets the work done. Many, many people use laptops, but you can never trust the internet.There are ghosts that live inside of the screens. Loved ones have died, but they’re still online, as if they’re waiting for someone to talk to them. I never want to encounter the ghosts of the past. A typewriter doesn’t have this problem, though. It works just as well as a laptop or phone can, and there is nothing like the feel of paper between your fingertips. The gentle click click of the words as they’re pressed into the paper gives me a sense of purpose when it comes to writing. The shrill sound of when you successfully finish a page, that was it for me. Surely, though, I have to adapt to the continuously changing world that is around us.

At least, that is what my editor wants me to do.

I’m not fond of change. As much as I want to accept the change of the days or the passing of the seasons, I can’t bring myself to it. I know by the end of the day, the end draws ever closer and at some point, as a whole, we must accept that. As I write these stories, I write endings for each and every one of them, knowing someone will read it and experience the satisfaction that comes from a complete storyline. To be an author is to be willing to accept that change will not come unless you alter the writing yourself. To be a part of the future is to be a part of the present, knowing and accepting that oftentimes than not, things will happen without your acknowledgement.

I fear, as mentioned, the same has happened to me.

This change… first occurred when one Olivia Gracestone had read my first piece in my new series, the ones I’ve been tasked to write by my editor. I remember the event clearly as it was at a book signing and she was very adamant about my works, even going as far as saying she had been a fan for a while. I signed the first page as she began to ramble and, as rude as this sounds, I was hardly paying attention. She left with the book and that was the last I heard from Ms. Gracestone.

I received a call from her parents a week later. Olivia had died, tragically, in a car crash as she was passing an intersection. A speeding semi, they told me over the phone, was the reason for her death. When I had asked why they decided to call me, they had mentioned my book. Coincidentally, in the same book, the protagonist had been killed by a speeding semi, two, if I remember correctly, and it was the book that Olivia had read before she left that afternoon. She had, as her parents told me, going on about the book, describing how she really began to feel connected to the character and how they shared the same issues. College, I believe, was the main issue in that book. Olivia was going to be a freshman in college, just starting out. At the time, I brushed off these incidents as coincidences.

The tragic death of Olivia Gracestone plagued my mind for weeks, but I continued to write because my editor was expecting something to be done by the end of that month. It was around May, I believe, I realized my works were becoming more of a problem in reality than actual fiction. As mentioned previously, I’ve grown quite a fanbase with my novels and collections, and because of that, more and more people were ready to buy my books. There were lines outside of the bookshops and talk on the internet about what my next big work would be. I was used to this type of pressure and excitement, as it was the driving force for completing my next work, which featured a small town coming together after an earthquake had occurred.

A week passes. News coverage of a small town in Nebraska reported to have been hit by a 5.9 magnitude earthquake. Lives were lost and homes were torn apart, rattled from their foundations. Coincidences. It was all coincidences, right? I watched the news with a solemn face and told myself it was a coincidence. The feeling vanished when I saw a face of a family, faces dotted by the small pigments of the TV screen. There was a little girl… with blonde pigtails and she was crying, clutching a stuffed bunny, and her father was speaking to the newscaster with a hand firmly gripped on his daughter’s shoulder.

I briefly encountered a bit of writer’s deja vu as I continued to watch the scene. It shifts from the little girl and her father, to the entire town, again. The image pans until it settles on a house, amongst the carnage. A female steps out of the house with a book tucked under her arm, her face concealed by the curtain of brown and in that small moment of coverage, I was able to get a good look at the cover.

It was my newest release.

My center of gravity had shifted and the sounds hallowed out from around me. My room darkened as thunderclouds formed outside, and at some point, I had dropped the remote. The television continued to play the scene, but my focus was blurring. Tears were falling just as the rain began to cry from the clouds outside. Pent up emotion, I believed, and realization. The thunder shook the house when I went back to my room that night. I didn’t touch my typewriter for a week, I just watched it from my bed.

Was this my change?

I have this one piece I’m working on. A longer piece, I’m afraid. It details the life of an older man, unnamed for the time being, and his story is harder to write. I believe it is only because I haven’t found… myself drawn to this project.

I’m afraid to finish it, I think, because if I finish it, will that be all I’m good for? For now, I’ll continue writing about other people’s lives and ignore the deaths that continue to grow around me.

FOLLOW-UP NOTES

While none of our employees (at least the archival employees) plan on actually reading Mr. Kisler’s works, just for... safety precautions, we do have a few of his books at the institute. We sent them to Artifact Storage for further inspection, but at a glance... they seemed mostly normal. Something about them just felt... off. I don’t really know how to explain it.

They just... looked strange. But none of the others seemed to notice anything, so. I don’t know.

Mr. Kisler wasn’t available to speak to institute staff, but... there wasn’t really anything in this statement we needed further clarification on, so. We’ve looked into the events and deaths detailed here, and confirmed all of them. Whether or not the books had a part to play, it’s unclear, but it isn’t out of the realm of possibility. Reality-altering books are actually a pretty common phenomenon, considering the nature of Leitners and the like.

I think it’s safe to assume that this statement only states the truth.

#submitted statement #0190811 #tma #the magnus archives #submission

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lilacmoon83 · 4 years

Text

Clarity

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 16: Truth and Dissent

"You've seen the book. You saw that nursery they made...for you. Parents that don't want their kid don't do that, Emma and you know it," Neal said, as neither of them noticed David and Mary Margaret coming out of the diner.

"Why do you care so much!?" Emma cried in exasperation.

"Because we know the truth! You were cheated out of having them and they were cheated out of having you! First, because of the curse...but ultimately, because of a lie told by people that were supposed to be their friends!" he said.

"What?" Mary Margaret asked and he suddenly realized they were there. He froze and turned to them. This was not a conversation that he wanted to come back to, but clearly there was no washing it away. New York had not allowed for any time to deal with it and maybe now was the time.

"What...what do you mean when you say we were lied to?" David asked, with an edge in his voice. Neal sighed.

"Is this about Blue and Geppetto? The wardrobe and what you told us in New York?" she questioned.

"Uh yeah...I know you probably haven't had a lot of time to process it with everything going on, but it was August that told me that," Neal replied.

"Then maybe it's time we revisit this conversation," David suggested.

"We can go back to the loft," Mary Margaret suggested.

"Papa...are you coming?" Neal asked.

"If you want me to," Gold replied. Neal nodded.

"I do," he said and while Gold's expression didn't change, the look of relief and mirth in his eyes could not be mistaken. They started walking and Neal noticed that Emma was still standing on the sidewalk.

"Emma...come on," he urged. She rolled her eyes, crossed her arms over her chest, but then reluctantly followed them.

~*~

Sidney breathed a sigh of relief, as he returned to his office after the interruption. He sat back down at his computer and continued working on the retraction story. But what David had said rang true. The waters had been muddied now and a retraction story wouldn't get people to stop questioning the truth. But he continued on at Regina's request or rather order as it was. It was strange though. Lately, when he was putting together the stories for the paper, he had an incredible sense of Deja Vu. And it wasn't so much that he had put the paper together a million times, but rather it seemed like some of the stories were the same as the day before and the day before that. But that couldn't be right. New things were happening every day, though David and Mary Margaret's affair had certainly made his paper more interesting as of late, as well as the arrivals of outsiders like Neal Cassidy and Emma Swan. Still, something felt off and he felt it in the back of his mind. He stood up and looked into the mirror on the wall, but his reverie was interrupted by his phone ringing. It was the Mayor and he had to take it.

The blonde woman hung up the phone and set it down on her desk. She stood up and looked out her office window, right at the magnificent view of Time Square and remained deep in thought about the information she had been given so far by her employee.

~*~

It was finally time.

"Jocelyn…" she said, as she pressed a button on her phone.

"Yes, Ma'am?" her receptionist answered.

"Book me a flight to Portland, Maine. The soonest flight there is and set up a rental car to be waiting for me when I land," the woman ordered.

"Yes Ma'am," she answered. The woman gathered her things and intended to go pack. Storybrooke, Maine awaited her...

~*~

David and Mary Margaret's minds were swirling with questions by the time they arrived at the loft The Wardrobe. The lies. August...they remembered the name now, but so much had happened in New York that they never really dealt with that layer. Perhaps they had purposely avoided it, but that obviously wasn't an option any longer.

Everyone removed their coats and found seats where they could. And all attention turned to Neal.

"I guess there isn't really a gentle way to say any of this," Neal began.

"You said we were lied to by people that were supposed to be our friends. I'm assuming you mean what you told us in New York?" David asked bluntly. Neal sighed.

"And this August told you?" Mary Margaret asked anxiously.

"Yes," Neal replied.

"I guess that makes sense since you told us he's Pinocchio," David stated. Neal nodded.

"I...I think I wanted to forget that part," Mary Margaret murmured and David squeezed her hand.

"I get that. Things could have been very different if Geppetto hadn't done what he did in desperation. August was found with Emma that night...but he left her soon after," Neal explained.

"What the hell was he even thinking? How did Geppetto expect a little boy to take care of an infant?" David said in frustration.

"He...he wasn't thinking. He just wanted to protect his son, just like we wanted to protect our daughter," Mary Margaret said in a choked voice.

"You're being really understanding," David mentioned. She shrugged.

"I'm trying," she admitted.

"If our lying friend did leave Emma at the orphanage...how did he even know where she was?" Gold questioned. Neal shrugged.

"That's a question I still don't have an answer to. Somehow, he must have kept tabs on Emma over the years," Neal said, as he shared an uncomfortable look with the blonde.

"Anyway, he found me in Portland. I had every intention of running away to Canada with Emma...but he told me everything and convinced me that if I did, I would be interfering with Emma's destiny to break the curse," Neal said, as he looked at her rigid expression.

"I was stupid enough to listen to him and it was the biggest mistake of my life," Neal said, pleading with her. She scoffed.

"It was Emma...I was scared that my father would find me if I stayed with you and that I would get sucked back into this world," he confessed.

"But yet here you are anyway," she countered.

"Because of Henry. I would have never abandoned you if I had known. Hell, I would have never abandoned you if I hadn't let August terrify the hell out of me," Neal said.

"So August is trying to make sure the curse is broken?" David asked.

"Uh yeah...but don't think he's doing it for the good of everyone," Neal replied.

"What does that mean?" Rumple asked.

"He was turning to wood again...because Emma was off track. He showed me his leg," Neal replied.

"Ah...turning back into a puppet, so he made sure Emma was put back on her path to Storybrooke to save himself. It comes as no surprise that the stupid gnat was in on the whole thing," he growled.

"I still can't believe Blue betrayed us…" David hissed.

"Believe it...and never trust a fairy," Gold warned. David sighed and looked at his wife, whose expression broke his heart. She looked utterly broken now.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to stir all of this up again," Neal offered. David gave him a nod. He knew it wasn't Neal's fault. He had made a mistake and had hurt Emma, which he hated. But he was young and pressured into it, as he now knew. David had made his own mistakes with Mary Margaret when cursed. Like himself, Mary Margaret, and Emma...it seemed he was a victim as well. And it was becoming more clear by the day that they had put their trust in liars.

"Thank you for telling us the rest of it anyway. We didn't really deal with it before," David offered. Neal nodded.

"Do you know why he's here now? Or why would he try to help us by writing that article?" David asked. Neal shook his head.

"He's been careful to avoid me. I wouldn't even know he was here if he hadn't published that article. But before Blue put him in the wardrobe, she told him that he had to be selfless, brave, and true. And he hasn't been...far from it," Neal said.

"He's turning to wood again," Gold surmised.

"Which means he's probably trying to accelerate the curse being broken," Neal said.

"To save himself," David said bitterly.

"None of this makes any sense," Emma muttered.

"It would if you'd stop being in denial," Neal replied.

"Don't start with me," she snapped.

"No, I am going to start with you! Dammit Emma...this all gets easier if you just accept reality," Neal said in frustration.

"This...this isn't my reality," Emma refuted, as she stood up.

"You just told me that you left me, because Pinocchio told you to! What the hell am I supposed to do with that!?" Emma cried.

"Deal with it and stop running! That's what you do with it!" Neal shouted back.

"You and your parents got royally screwed! I got royally screwed and it sucks! But if we tear ourselves apart...Regina will win and she'll take our son away," he warned and Emma took a sobering breath.

"And I don't want that...but you're asking me to believe…" Emma said, but trailed off when she saw Mary Margaret stand up and stare her straight in the eyes.

"Nine months…" she said in an unsteady voice.

"What?" Emma asked.

"Nine months...I carried you, planned for you, and then prepared myself to leave your father behind and walk into the unknown through that wardrobe," Mary Margaret replied.

"I…" Emma started to say, but then words failed her.

"I was terrified, but your father told me that I had to go. I had to for you, even though he had no idea what would happen to him or if he would even survive. So I was going to do it...but then you came early and they told us that it only took one," she explained and swallowed thickly.

"So I told your father that he had to put you in the wardrobe," she said, as tears streamed down her cheeks and David was still haunted by her gut wrenching sobs as he took Emma away.

"He didn't want to...but I knew he had to. To give you your best chance," she continued.

"If..if you had ended up in Storybrooke, Regina would have never let me have you. She would have made sure you could never break the curse," she said sadly. Emma was still resisting the belief in all of this, but the pain in Mary Margaret's eyes was so palpable that it was undeniable. There was no faking this kind of pain; that she knew for certain and from experience. But she wasn't ready...she didn't know if she'd ever be ready.

"I...I gotta go," Emma stammered, as she fled the apartment as fast as she could. With another sting of what Mary Margaret could only take as rejection, she fled to her bedroom behind the curtain and they heard sobs. David followed her in an attempt to comfort her, while Neal and Gold quietly let themselves out. The younger of the two sighed.

"What is it going to take?" Neal asked.

"Her cognitive dissonance is worse than I originally feared," Gold replied.

"What do we do?" Neal questioned, finally seeking his advice.

"I'm not sure we will need to do anything. It seems like we may never get through to her, but things are not always as they appear," Gold replied.

"Papa...you know I don't appreciate the cryptic phrases," Neal said.

"I only mean that Emma likely already knows it's all very true, but she runs, because she's not ready to handle it. However, the time will come when she can no longer run and she will face either accepting her destiny or losing everything," Gold replied.

"Losing everything?" Neal asked in alarm.

"Everything will come to a head. Emma does break the curse, but I cannot see how or why. But it will not be an easy path and Regina will not sit still for it. If she is faced with losing them or Henry...she will do what she must," Gold replied. Neal sighed again.

"I hope you're right, because I know Emma and right now, she's probably itching to blow this town," he warned.

"But she won't and for now, we prepare for the one thing keeping her here. The trial," Gold said. Neal nodded and looked back at the door, before following his father.

"You're fond of them," Gold said.

"I barely know them...but they're Emma's parents. Henry's grandparents. They're good people," Neal replied.

"They are and they will be fine. Not even the curse could destroy their true love. Regina will lose," he assured him.

"Yeah...but what do we have to endure until then?" Neal asked. Gold looked at him, as they exited the building.

"Even I don't know the answer to that," he replied, as they walked back to his shop where his car was parked.

#Snowing #SnowxCharming #Emma Swan #Neal Cassidy #Mr. Gold #romance #family #adventure #drama #Clarity #A 7x15 am AU

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littlemisssquiggles · 6 years

Note

Hey squiggle meister. What're your thoughts on the flood of people on YouTube who are constantly ranting about the series. And how it's dead after Monty died, and how it's so much worst than before. Etc etc

Tobe honest with you Key, I really don't want to answer this question.I mean it's alright that you asked and I'm going to answer you however I'mgetting a strange sense of deja vu here. Wasn't it not too long ago that youasked me to give my opinion on a similar condition that was happening pre-V6?

Thiswas the issue back then and yet here we are again. You may wanna grab yourselfa snack and settle in because this is going to be one long response post. Let’s just say,this squiggle meister had a lot to let off her chest regarding this particulartopic in the FNDM:

Ihave actually had a small listen to some of these critiques on YouTube and toput it bluntly, I couldn't bring myself to finish most of them. I am a RWBY fan whoalways advocates respecting each other’s opinions regardless of whether or notwe share the same sentiments about the series. I am also a RWBY fan whounderstands that the series is not a flawless show and has suffered more than its fairshare of shortcomings throughout its last arc trilogy.

Nevertheless, in spiteof this, I’ve also acknowledged some noteworthy improvements in the quality of the show that honestly deserves more praise.As someone who has been with this series since its humble beginnings, I have beenthere for each transformation the show has undergone and in doing so, I haveseen RWBY evolve.

Whilesome of the show’s changes haven’t entirely been welcomed by its fandom (withits main change being something completely out of the showrunners’ control) I’dbe lying if I said these changes didn’t contribute to the show’s success insome shape or form.

Speakingfor myself, initially RWBY earned my attention because, like most RWBY stans, Iwas a fan of Monty Oum before and when I discovered that he had his own seriesproduced by RoosterTeeth, I was interested. I didn’t care what the story wasabout or what it looked like. All that mattered to be me back then was that itwas something from the creative mind of Monty Oum so I expected somethingepically action-packed.

At the start, I joinedthe RWBY fandom becauseof Monty however as the seriesprogressed, my reasoning for sticking with it and staying loyal to the showtranscended my past loyalty to the franchise as a by-product of anartist/animator I admired so much.

Thisbrings me to my main point. You want my honest thoughts onthe YouTube RWBY Rants, Key? To be frank, I’m tired of it. It is exhausting listeningto the tirades of these proclaimed RWBY YouTube reviewers who do nothing butgripe and express their disdain for everything the show does wrong according totheir standards. I am so fed up of seeing this happen time and time again.

Andwhat’s sad is that I don’t think part of this is even due to the show or theCRWBY’s fault. Do you know you are more likely to find a video shitting on RWBYas opposed to one that genuinely outlines its positive elements or at leastpresents a fair and just constructive argument of the good and bad of the show?Do you know how many RWBY hate videos the YouTube algorithm has recommended to mesince V6 concluded? It’s ridiculous.

ButI also know I can’t do anything to stop it. So long as RWBY exists, there willalways be these so-called ---I guess we can call them the ‘hate parade’ type of fans who wait like vultures to a carcass to pick apartthe show whenever a new season comes out.

Anddo you know what the sadder part about watching these videos is?

Thesevideos try to give the allusion thatthey are coming from a practical standpoint---as if the things they’repointing out in their reviews are genuine problems with theshow and that their personal advice to the showrunners are valid enough torectify these problems they indicated about RWBY.

Herein, lies my personal peeve with these types of reviews. The best kind of criticto me is one who can point out a flaw in something, justify why they believesaid thing is a clear flaw and then use their own understanding to outlinetheir concept for a possible solution to that flaw that they respectfully leaveopen to the creators of said property to take their advice or not.

However,this is not the case with these YouTube RWBY Rants; at least from the few I’veviewed. I’ll admit, there are some genuinely good RWBY Reviewers on YouTube. Ofthe top of my head, Thatkaitodan, MurderofBirds are two and believeit or not, I actually like some of EruptionFang’s reviews from time to time. Imay not always agree 100% with everything he says in his breakdowns but in myopinion, I can’t get too mad at the things he says in his reviews/video essaysbecause he’s able to justify it in a manner that I’m able to see where he’scoming from. Even if that justification comes from a place of unbridled rage.Referring to EF, I know he’s been receiving flak from FNDM members regardinghis recent views on Adam’s conclusion and Bumblebee; however if I’m beingcompletely honest here, I feel some of that bashing is unwarranted.

Inall fairness to EF, at least I’m able stomach his opinions a lot better than thatof other RWBY Youtubers. As I said, EF is able to properly defend his pointswell enough for me to grasp the validity of his statements which is the least Ican say for some of the others I’ve listened to.

Oftenat times, on the adverse side of RWBY YouTube, I find myself listening toYoutubers who spend more time outright bashing everypersonal gripe they have with the show as opposed to presenting a good argumentthan gives hindsight to why these problems are such an issue to them.

Theworst kind are the ones where this Youtubers point out flaws in the show andtry to give solutions to what the showrunners can do to fix these problems. Butmost of the time it’s done so rudely that it comes off more obnoxious thanhelpful. As if these Youtubers are proclaiming to know and understand moreabout the animation production process than the actual people running the showwho have the qualifications and past industry experience

I’llgive you two examples. Not naming names but I recently watched two videos fromtwo RWBY Youtubers---one critiquing the shows character designs while anotherwas a Youtuber’s final video explaining why they were quitting the RWBY FNDMfor good.

Inthe characterdesign critique, the individualexpressed their disappointment in the recent designs for the RWBY girls and thevillains as of the Mistral Arc. They then proceeded to offer their own tips for how the show could have helped to spruce up someof these designs. However rather than attempting to make their own alternatedesigns to the character outfits, this Youtuber just slapped some rather poorlylaid out flat base colours on top of screenshots of the characters in question.Which from a digital art perspective is…admittedly…lazy.

Iunderstand that not everyone in the world is a designer, much less is a characterdesigner or at least knows how to draw. However…if that is the case then whyare you, as the individual who clearly doesn’t appear to have the design skills,commenting on the work of a studio with a full production team of artists whodo have those required skills and experience and can probably rationalize theirreasons for going with the final designs presented in the show. You get whatI’m saying?

Ifone is going to critique the show’s overall character design then the least youcan do is make the effort to back up your claims. Illustrate your own designsfor RWBY character outfits. Create a mock-up 2D/3D screenshot illustration withproper lighting and atmosphere to see how your design ideas holds up againstthose elements of a scene and then compare that to the actual show’s productionwork. This reviewer didn’t even bother to attempt to maketheir own original designs or even redraw the current designs in their ownstyle and test out their suggested colourpalettes to see if it would fit with the overall design aesthetic of thecharacter.

Youmight be asking now: But Squiggles are you saying I need to know how to draw tocomment about RWBY?

To which I say: No.Being an artist is not a requirement that you as a fan need to really have inorder to comment about something you love. HOWEVER, if you are the type of individualwho has the massive chops to try and dictate a production studio with a team ofeducated and/or industry seasoned artists on how they should handle designingtheir characters without you yourself having the design knowledge to supportyour critiques then… you wonder why the CRWBY often get upset with these typesof fans and don’t take their comments seriously?

Contraryto what others might say, I am not a believer that RWBY is dictated by thedesires of its fandom community. That’s a comment I’ve been hearing buzzingabout since V6 ironically in the face of the recent hate crowd to gather fromwhat transpired with the Bumblebee pairing in the recent season.

Iunderstand that there are fans making the argument that the showrunners onlymade this pairing canon because its popular with its shipping community. Thesame can be said about Neo’s return to become Cinder’s protégé.

Admittedlywhile I might find the CRWBY’s decisions to be questionable at times, this still doesn’t prove that they are run by theirFNDM. If something happens in the show, it’s because it’s something theshowrunners and has wanted to do for some time and picked that current volumeto do so. The mere fact that that thing just so happened to correlate withsomething the fans wanted to see is just a matter of coincidence.

Thatbeing said, I will admit that I’ve noticed one or two members of the CRWBY castwho are guilty of encouraging certain ideas without the show itself officially confirming it in its narrative as yet.

In light of that, Iwill admit this. Regardless of whether or not you as a member of the CRWBY teamsupport a particular ship with all your heart, if other fandoms have taught meanything is that as a cast member you should NEVER encourage anything within yourown fan community. It never ends well and I’m seeing this repeated in RWBY. Butthis is not what I’m here to talk about right now. Moving on.

Inrespect to the video from the individual who was leaving the FNDM, I actually didn’tfinish watching their video because the instant they mentioned Monty Oum and their disdain for the CRWBY not living up to hislegacy and all that stuff, I couldn’t.

Ahyes, the classic ‘RWBY Animation hasn’t been the best since Monty passed away and the RWBYAnimation team are terrible because they can’t replicate Monty’s animation’ debate.How many times is this dead horse going to be beaten? According to this RWBY Youtuber, ‘replicatingMonty’s style of animation is easy andit is appalling the RWBY Animation Team can’t replicate Monty’s style afterfour seasons’.

Thiscomment not only annoyed me as a fan but also as someone who has studiedanimation before. Again, how many times will this poor dead horse be dug up tobe bludgeoned? Will these fans everallow Monty’s name to rest peacefully without bringing it up to tarnish theefforts made by the CRWBY to finish the story he started with them?

Iget it. MontyOum was a good animator.He wasn’t the best animator. He wasn’t some genius animation prodigy. He was a creative mind who had his own way of thinking and doing things andfrom that, he established a style about hisanimation that shined through his work. If you were to show me an animatedpiece done by Monty and the same piece animated by another person, I caninstantly tell you which one is Monty’s because Monty had his own style.

That’sthe appeal of Monty’s work, on my opinion. That’s what he became known for by hisfans. However, even though Monty was great at animating fight scenes, his way---hisstyle is NOT the only wayto animate a fight.

Recently,I took the time to go back and count the number of fights that happened overthe volumes. I did this because as of V6, I couldn’t help but feel as if theCRWBY might be shying away including moments where the characters areactually engaged in combat. I omitted the character shorts because onemandatory element of the Character Shorts is a fight scene. I just wanted tohighlight the individual seasons alone.

Someof this numbers might be a little iffy depending on what I counted as a fight,but here’s what I gathered.

THE VALE TRILOGY

RWBY V1C1:2C2:0C3:0C4:0C5:0C6:3C7:0C8:2C9:0C10:1C11:1C12:0C13:0C14:1C15:0C16:2

Totalfights = 12 Fights

RWBY V2:C1:1C2:0C3:0C4:1C5:3C6:0C7:1C8:0C9:4C10:0C11:4C12:4

TotalFights= 18 Fights

RWBY V3:C1:1C2:2C3:1C4:1C5:2C6:1C7:1C8:0C9:1C10:2C11:2C12:2

TotalFights = 16 Fights

THE MISTRALTRILOGY

RWBY V4:C1:1C2:0C3:1C4:0C5:0C6:1C7:1C8:0C9:2C10:0C11:0C12:1

TotalFights = 7 Fights

RWBY V5C1:0C2:1C3:0C4:2C5:0C6:0C7:0C8:0C9:1C10:3C11:5C12:1C13:1C14:0

TotalFights = 14 Fights

RWBY V6:C1:3C2:0C3:0C4:0C5:1C6:0C7:1C8:0C9:0C10:1C11:3C12:1C13:0

TotalFights = 10 Fights

Why I bring this upis throughout V4 and V6’s runtime I’ve seen one or two all-stars inthe new CRWBY animation team. While not all the fight scenes from the MistralArc were the best, there were definitely some good ones that I stood out to me.

OneV4 fight that keeps being overly praised is the Tyrian vs. Qrow dual. Many fanstend to vouch that fight as the best fight of V4. The only reason that fight isso popular is because it was one of the more important fights of thatrespective season.

However,I’m being completely honest, the Qrow vs. Tyrian one on one was good but itwasn’t the only good fight of V4.

PersonallyI took enjoyment in the small sparring match between Yang and Tai Yang.Believe it or not, I felt like that moment, though small, was well animated andI’d actually give props to the animator behind that small scene. There was a nicesense of rhythm to that small fight that I quite liked.

Notmany folks will agree with little ole me regarding that scene but this just goesto show, we all have our own personal preferences with what we consider to be agood fight sequence vs a not so good one.

Often at times, Ifeel really sorry for the series animators cherry picked to handle the combatmoments for the current seasons because I feel like those animators suffer the most pressure and scrutiny in the eyes of the FNDM. I feel like some FNDM members are sofocused on nagging atthe current CRWBY to capture Monty’s old style of animating fights that they aren’t really giving these new animatorswith their own styles a fair chance toshine outside of Monty’s shadow.

Again.I get it. RWBY was Monty’s brainchild. He’s the creator andno matter how far the current CRWBY takes the series, he will always becredited as its creator.

HoweverRWBY has come a long way since Monty’s days. The show haschanged.The overall look and visual style of the series has changed.Even the production pipeline and the software used to animate the series has changed.The CRWBY hasgrown allowing a greater mix of artistslending their talents to breathe life into the series.

Butwhat seems to kind of still be stuck in the past are some members of the FNDMcommunity. The ones who only watch the show because they are waiting to see thecurrent RWBY recapture that essence of Monty thatthey claimed the show lost after he died.

RWBY is dead after Monty passed away? In some ways, this isboth true and false. The truth is that RWBY did die. The old style that the show was being produced on was laid to restafter its creator unfortunately passed. The false is that RWBY didn’t end withMonty because it’s being continued in its current new style by the people whohelped bring it to life in the first place alongside Monty. The same people whoare diligently carrying on Monty’s project in his place. RWBY isn’t dead. It’sstill breathing. Still going. Because a story still needs to be told.

Ratherthan being judged for how well they can interpret a good fight sequence, theseanimators are judged for how well they can replicate Monty’s style. And when theseanimators don’t live up to that expectation, that’s when the shit storm begins.I myself have been found guilty of comparing the past animation to the present.However now I realized that I was wrong in doing that.

Ithink it’s high time some of these fans let go of the past and accept that theaction fight scenes of RWBY are never going to reflect Monty’s style anymore.

Montyis unfortunately not around to guide the current team with this. And they are doingtheir best to find their own style. To some extent, they found it in V6 becausethe fights in this last season were a tremendous improvement from V4 and V5.

Ifeel like there are some genuinely talented animators workingnow on RWBY who know how to create and sell a great fight and if left to theirown devices, they could really dazzle the audience with their own way of doingthings. I feel like since V4, the CRWBY have been experimenting with how they craftout their fights especially in the new Maya pipeline but it wasn’t until V6where I feel they finally found their footing again.

I think most fanscould agree that the fights in V6 were much better compared to theirpredecessors. One of the best one on one fights was the Neo vs Cinder clash. Whoever was the animator responsible for thatscene should honestly be given more opportunities like thatwhere their work can shine through because that fight was well done. Thesame can be said for the Maria vs. Tok oneon one fight despite how short it was. But the thing is, none of those fightsfelt like Monty’s style to me. It didn’t feel like someone was trying to copyMonty but rather it was someone who probably took a little inspiration Monty’soriginal work and the rest was them bringing their own unique spin to it.

Ifthe CRWBY have been trying to replicatethat Monty style in their fights for the past arc then I’m starting to thinkthat that is what’s been holding them back ratherthan aiding them to move forward.

Thisis why I find the whole point about replicating Monty’s style being easy to be ludicrous. Replicating someone else’s style,depending on the medium is not something you can just do on a fly. It’s noteven something you can perfect in a matter of years. It’s something that takes adeep understanding of the art form you’re using (in this case being animation),time, strict discipline and most importantly of all, guidance and critique from theperson who’s style your copying or someone else who is a master of said style and/orhas a great understanding of it themselves.

That’swhy sometimes you might hear behind the scenes tales about animation studiostaking sometime during their production pipeline to train theiranimators on the style or quality of animation they are trying to emulate in acurrent project. DidMonty do that with the CRWBY? Did Montyget the chance to pass his knowledge and technique onto otheranimators? Did Monty even get to see his story grow to what it is now?

Sadly,no. Monty was a creator who didn’t evenlive long enough to see his own idea flourish for the six seasons it’s beenrunning; now moving onto its seventh season. As far as I know, Monty passedaway as early as V2. Most people don’t even get the chance to see their ideascome to life but Monty was among those fortunate few who was given the shot tomake his idea a reality.

RoosterTeethgave Monty that chance after he worked with them on some of their otherprojects like RvB. He had made himself a household name within their companyand among that, he had made friends and had formed an in-house family with thecolleagues he worked with both on RvB and RWBY.

Saywhat you will about RoosterTeeth and the CRWBY. The original CRWBY who workedwith Monty between V1 and V2 were the people who knew Montythe most. They were his friends. His family. This is all the more reason why itdoesn’t give us, as fans looking in from the outside, the right to use Monty’sname to disrespect the people who knew him better.

Imay not always like what the CRWBY Writers do with the story but I respect themboth as writers. I respect Miles and Kerry because they are the showrunners. RWBY’s plotstarted with Monty, Miles and Kerry.

TheRWBY hate parade need to stop acting as if RWBY was made by Monty alone.Monty did not make RWBY by himself. Shit, he didn’t even create the plot byhimself.

Montyis credited as its creator because RWBY was his brain child and he will foreverbe remembered as the man who conceptualized this idea. But Monty did not writethe story of RWBY himself. He wrote this story with Miles and Kerry.

Whatfolks seems to be misunderstanding or downrightneglecting is that Miles and Kerryhave been with RWBY since its start. They are the two people who worked withMonty in developing the story of RWBY

Itis depressing that Monty only got to live long enough to see two seasons of hisbrainchild come to life.

Insteadof honouring Monty’s legacy by showing support to the people who worked with himto make RWBY happen, folks instead use Monty’s name to slander the CRWBY.

Tothe people who are guilty of this, how can you call yourself a fan? Howcan you call yourself decent human beings witha legit conscience by using a dead man’s name to disrespect the people who werehis colleagues and friends just because you were displeased with something theychose for the show? How is mouthing off the CRWBY and claiming that Montywouldn’t have consented to the direction they’re taking RWBY in a definition ofyour loyalty to Monty?

Howwould you know what Monty would have consented to? How would you know whatMonty would have wanted in general?

Didyou know him personally? I doubt any of you did. So why claim that in yourhateful comments?

RWBYis not the Monty Oum show. I've mentioned this before and I will say it again. RWBY is acollaborative effort. Monty may have conceived RWBY on his own buthe birthed this series through cooperation with RoosterTeeth and the talentedpeople who formed the creative team that made this show with him.

Andit’s those same people who are busting their asses volume after volume to keepthe show going. The CRWBY could have easily cancelled RWBYafter V2. It’s not the first time RoosterTeeth has cancelled a series undertheir name. They could have hung up the towel after V2 and called it quits. Butthey didn’t because they wanted tocontinue the show. They wanted to keep moving forward and finish the story theymade together with their friend Monty.

RWBY’sproduction takes time,thought, passion and effort. If the RWBY YouTube Critics community wishto be the type of people who want to tell the showrunners how to properlyhandle their IP, then at least back up your points with the same level of time,thought, passion and effort that is put into the show.

Andbefore anyone jumps at me and is all like, Squiggles, do you know how long it takes to makea YouTube video essay on my own time? To which I answer with, do you know howlong it takes to produce a full season of an animated production on a studiobudget and a strict deadline within a studio that is juggling multiple IPs?

Anyone can point out a flaw insomething or rather what they perceive to be a flaw in something. But it takes morework to point out that flaw, justify why it’s a flaw by your standards and thentake the time to suggest how it could be improved while throwing in your own workto help boast your claims. But no RWBY Youtuber Critics, at least from the onesI’ve seen, wants to do that. They just want to run their mouths and what’sunfortunate is that they will gather an audience of individuals who do the samewhen it comes to the series.

It’salright if you give your opinion but where it crosses a line is when a fantries to tell the showrunners how they should run their show. It’s even worsewhen they try to do it WITHOUT backing up their claims. You want to downplaythe effort and thought that someone else made without producing your own toargue against theirs?

You want totell the CRWBY how they should write the show? Where are your own retellingsof the show? Where are your own plot breakdowns? Your own scripts possibly accompaniedby storyboards and/or animatics to give others a taste of how your ideas wouldplay out?

You want totell the CRWBY that their character designs are terrible and need rework? Where your own conceptsheets containing dozens about dozens of drafts of redesigns that could betaken?

You want totell the CRWBY that their animation is terrible, that animating like Monty iseasy and the animation of CRWBY would look 100x better if they did x, y, z and123?

WellSkippy, why don’t you prove it? Where is your rendered animation that youpersonally modelled, rigged, textured and animated in your own spare time to backup your proclaimed assessments.

Youmight be telling yourselves, Squiggles why do all of that? That sounds like a whole lotof extra work just to prove points for a critique where I’m trying to tell theCRWBY what to do?

Towhich my response will be, EXACTLY.

Ifthe RWBY Hate Parade wish to make a mockery of the extra efforts the CRWBYmembers put into RWBY, then where is their extra effort? If they at least dothat then maybe I can respect them a little more as people who know whatthey’re talking about because they have the skills and knowledge to back uptheir arguments.

But how am I as the outsider listening in on some of theseYouTube rants supposed to take any of these people seriously when all they’redoing is making lengthy diatribes slandering the work of others and trying topass off as someone who knows more about animation and how it’s done thansomeone who does.

Dothese fans believe that makes them seem witty?It doesn’t. It makes them seem very disrespectful.

Idon’t understand the fans that are like this and I’m not sure if I want tounderstand. I don’t even wish to discuss them furthermore because at the end ofthe day, I can’t speak for these fans. I can only speak for myself and I knowwhere I stand as a fan of RWBY. If there is one advice I can give to my fellow FNDMfam is that weneed to stop drawing attention to the hate parade. Too often do Ihear more about the negative side of the RWBY community and their opinions ofthe series than the actual good that show and its FNDM has spawned.

Weas the people who still love RWBY and are willing to accept and stand by it andits showrunners, flaws and all, need to become more vocal aboutshedding light on the positives of RWBY

Eitherthat or just ignorethe haters. Seriously, we need to stop giving these guys anaudience. Similar to how the RWBY Hate Parade spend their time mostly pointingout the negative in the show, we the FNDM often at times draw too much attentionto these folks.

Ina sad way, we’re kind of sending traffic over to them. Giving them moreattention that they don’t deserve.

Thesetypes of fans can talk but we don’t need to listen to them. Because for all theflak they give the series and its showrunners, the RWBY train is still moving;strong and unaffected.

Why?Because I’d like to believe the CRWBY don’t pay attention to the hate paradebut more focus on what they wish to do with the series while looking out to thesmiling fans who help spread good word about their show. And really, isn’t thegood still that’s very much there all that really matters?

Soto conclude finally, this answer took me way too long to write. Sorry to haveyou wait so long Key. This answer took me some time to put together. Apologiesif it’s a very long-winded answer. I really don’t like discussing any negativestuff in the FNDM.

I acknowledge that it exists and it’s pretty much alwaysgoing to be there but that doesn’t mean I should give it any attention. But forwhat it’s worth, I hope I said enough to make my full peace with this topic.Cheerios!

~LittleMissSquiggles(2019)

#squiggles answers: rwby #rwby #oscar pine #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #monty oum #crwby #roosterteeth #keyenuta

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multiply014 · 5 years

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#31 Days of CoAi ends...

Happy CoAi Day (5/1), everyone!

Today is the last day of 31 Days of CoAi!

The 31 Days of CoAi project has been my way of keeping my promise to start posting up a prompt a day (which I had imagined I’d do for a year, but here we are). Since 4/1 and 5/1 were both days celebrating the CoAi submarine, I figured, what better way to celebrate the ship (and shamelessly spam the coai tag) by putting into action what I initially planned (but in a smaller scale)! And I even managed to wheedle out friends to do it with too!

And so, I struggled the entire month. Without noticing, it’s already the end..!

In my first post for 31 Days of CoAi, I talked about how I started shipping CoAi. Now, on the last day of 31 Days of CoAi, I think the best question to cap this project is: Why do I still ship CoAi?

(And, if you remembered what I said during my 4/1 post, what does my answer to that question have to do with Shinichi and why I’d love Shiho for Shinichi?)

Why do I still ship CoAi?

Given that it’s more or less never going to happen in canon, why do I keep clinging? Well, no canon ever has stopped anyone from shipping!

I can’t deny though, it was very clear from the start that Shinichi and Ran would be endgame for the series. Was there even doubt?

(Before you maul me, please let me just reiterate that I ship CoAi from the bottom of my heart, I swear!)

You see, Shiho had no one, but Shinichi actually had a whole lot of people on whom he could rely. Even though the number of people who knew could be counted in one hand, he at least still had someone. As CoAi shippers, we could say—But there was no one else that was in the same de-aged Organization-entangled boat as him! Shiho would be the perfect person to understand him!!!

But, really, if we were holding a competition as to who understands Shinichi the most, would Shiho really win? Perhaps, yes. But wouldn’t Ran, being Shinichi’s closest and best friend almost all his life be a good contender for the number one candidate for the title?

I think it is at this point that my shipper feelings completely win out: that Shiho can actually contend with the people Shinichi has known his whole life and the people that share Shinichi’s love for mysteries. In fact, this is one of the ideas that just captivate me in the CoAi dynamic: that she knows him so well despite having spent just half a year with him and being so different from each other.

Of course, we could always attribute Shiho’s understanding of Shinichi and being in sync with him to her constant observation of him. That, and that she’s a genius in her own right, so she is likely to be able to keep up with his thoughts.

But, more than that, and I think this is something I’ve already said countless times in my first post, I ship CoAi because of their shared experiences that had unfolded right in front of us, the audience. And, I keep shipping the two of them because I can imagine so much of what I wanted those shared experiences to mean for the two of them, especially how I wanted Shinichi to be affected by it.

I know this is fiction, and the series is definitely not strictly constrained by real-life logic (otherwise, would really only half a year pass? Would people really drop dead everywhere Shinichi goes? And that’s only two of the most glaring of all unrealistic elements in DC, not that it’s anything bad), so characters are not expected to act as if they were real people too. This is true for all series.

(Though I do believe that “Truth is stranger than fiction” but let’s not go there right now, haha!)

But we, the audience, abide by real-life logic, and are immersed in it. I can’t help but use this standpoint to construct their characters and to imagine the unsaid, to fill the blank spaces in between:

—What happens in their daily lives as school kids?

—What happens in the nights Shiho works on the antidote?

—How has Shinichi’s inner thoughts, logic and feelings been affected by his encounter with the Organization, living a lie, living in hiding (as much as that means for Shinichi, really), in constant fear that he will be found out and cause the people around him their lives?

—When Shinichi realizes he now has “friends” he’s actually close with besides Ran, how would this change him?

And now I ask the more shippy and canon-divergent questions:

—When Shinichi realizes there is actually someone else not Ran or his family who would “go that far” for him, how would he feel?

—As much as Shiho had changed throughout the story, what Shiho habits had Shinichi picked up?

—If Shinichi had stayed with Agasa instead of the Mouris, how would have Shiho and Shinichi fared as housemates?

—If Shinichi had gone with his parents, how would have Shiho’s introduction arc gone, and what aspects of their relationship would change?

There are a lot more questions in my head, and probably a lot more that others can come up with!

And, actually, canon touches on most of these. But there’s a great big hole, an empty lot that screams the meme “It’s free real estate!” for us CoAi shippers.

Of course, you could argue the same for any two people in the series.

Since we’re already talking about something we can say for all pairings, I’d like to slide in how I’m so charmed by the thought of Shiho and Shinichi tied by the red string of fate. Imagine, Shinichi and Shiho, two unrelated people (unless proven otherwise by Gosho...) are lucky enough to experience the super rare side effect and survive APTX. What a coincidence, right?

In any case, I acknowledge that most of these questions and points for takeoff are really not that unique to CoAi. I can spin the questions around and it would probably be applicable to every possible ship ever. However, the answers (and further questions that those answers spawn) that I think up to those ideas keep me shipping CoAi, because it’s just so them.

Their possibility, for me, is irresistibly attractive.

Honestly, though, as much as I’ve written explaining why I ship CoAi, it’s not like there needs to be rocket science to ship two (or more) people together. I could have just said, “Ah, they look cute together!” and be done with it. And I personally believe there isn’t anything wrong with that!

I just wanted to share how I got so attached. I don’t think I would have fallen in this deep if there weren’t those.

Going forward, I plan to finish up my promises on my update post last 19-01: I’ll whip up Mask’s third (and probably last) chapter, Deja Vu’s extra chapter (probably a prequel), Rest and that KaiShi fic I promised momo and Angel-Chan234. After that, I will be focusing on reviewing the fics everyone has already done because I think the CoAi fandom needs more audience!

My askbox will always be open though, and I’m always up for conversation!

Still! The last day of 31 Days of CoAi has yet to end! In 4 hours, I’ll be posting my last fic post for the project (tag for all fic posts: x fic posts), and 4 hours after that, I’ll be posting One Chilly Morning (tag for all prompt fills: x prompt fills; tag for all fics in One-verse: x dcmk one rainy afternoon).

If you missed it, my previous meta post is posted here on my Tumblr blog (tag: x meta) and all the posts I’ve done for 31 Days of CoAi is here as well (tag: 31 days of coai)!

Thank you for staying with me throughout this project!

#31 days of coai #coai #haibara ai #edogawa conan #detective conan #dcmk #x meta

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okimargarvez · 5 years

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FLARPY BLUNDERGUFF

Original title: Flarpy Blunderguff.

Prompt: Penelope and Luke talk about hacker thing.

Warning: none.

Genre: funny, romantic.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: part 58 in Garvez canon Life.

Legend: 💑.

Song mentioned: none.

Note: I imagined Ariana, Penelope best friend, played by Jorya Fox (Sara Sidle, CSI Las Vegas), cause my best friend looks like her.

GARVEZ STORIES

FLARPY BLUNDERGUFF

The man keeps open the door to the parking area, so he hurries to open the car door as well. Penelope smiles mischievously, feeling as though she were in an enchanted dream. This man cannot be real. He cannot be so romantic, charming and gentle at the same time.

He reaches her after a few moments, placing himself in the driver's seat. Before starting the engine, he turns to her, observes her in the smallest details, as if she needed to. But he always liked to linger on every curve of his girlfriend: from her chin to her breast, and above all, her smile. -You can tell me now?- he asks, after a few moments.

Penelope turns to look at him too, but Luke has already inserted the gear and his eyes scrupulously follow the road. There is a bit of fog, and it is better to be careful. -About what?- as often happens, she answers him with another question.

He peers at her out of the corner of his eye. -What does that thing mean, flarp... I can't even pronounce it, but you have understood.- he hears her chuckle at his clumsy attempt that failed.

She shrugs. -Oh, I told you, it's a hacker thing. Nothing that can really interest you.- but she should know that in this way she intrigues him more, because he is convinced that she is doing it on purpose, while Penelope's goal is really to change the subject.

He stops at the first traffic light and takes the opportunity to look at her directly. -You know the more you say that, the more you tease my curiosity.- she snorts and quickly looks away, pretending to be interested in the panorama outside the window, which she knows practically by heart.

She soon realizes that he has no intention of giving up, so he surrenders, or rather, changes strategy. -Luke, come on, it's stupid and it makes me think of Shane.- she sees him increase his grip on the steering wheel, the instant she utters that male name. That name which for him corresponds to a few photographs and jpeg images in his girlfriend's personal computer, a few stories, but certainly not to a real person. - Do you want I think of him?- she asks, to rub the salt on the open wound.

Luke thinks for a moment, in the grip of some kind of internal controversy. -No, but it's not fair.- he mutters something else, in a mixture of Spanish and English, totally incomprehensible. -You always won.- he exclaims, in a loud voice, with a plaintive tone, looking like a child who hasn't got the toy of his dreams.

And it's the winning move. -Stop doing that face, that's fine.- she sighs, and tries not to notice the huge triumphant smile that has been painted on Luke's face. -I'll tell you what it is, so, maybe, when we get home, you'll let me sleep.- this is also a provocation. How can he want to sleep with such splendor beside him?

-We'll see.- he replies, winking.

Penelope takes a moment of breath and then begins to explain, feeling a certain deja-vu. - It's an internet thing. It's about food and... yes, sex, Luke.- his eyes roll, pretending to be annoyed. -It's about choosing something you love to eat, spreadable, of course and... and you can guess the rest.- she concludes.

-But then we already did it, without I knew it!- he realizes, surprised.

She agrees with him. -Yes, and then you will remember that it is not as fabulous as it seems, having to change all the sheets, and the sticky hair... no, that's enough.- she shakes her head, remembering their experience with mustard, a long time ago, which hadn't been so bad, but not as fabulous as she had imagined.

A moment of silence follows, which signals how Luke is wondering, elaborating the new information and uniting it with those already acquired. More or less as he does when I work on a case. -Have you ever done it?- he asks her. -With another person, I mean.- he specifics. He uses a fairly calm and peaceful tone, so as to convince her that the idea of his girlfriend who has a strange hacker sex with another man, before she knew the love of his life (i.e. himself), doesn’t touch him at all.

She puts her hand down, cold, despite the heating on, on his. -Hell, why do you want to hurt yourself with these questions?- she tries to show understanding and reasonable.

Luke soon catches her fingers as she shifts, braking to a stop. -No, I'm just curious to know... a few more details about how you were when you were younger.- he stops for a moment to think about the right words. He's a fucking profiler, and he's very skilled at playing with them. -Just this, I swear.- he also gives her a very short, innocent smile.

Penelope decides to surrender, if he really needs to bang his head, to burn himself, in short... she will satisfy him. -Okay.- she admits. -Yes, it happened.- she can read in his mind, the need he has to bang his fist on the steering wheel to underline the concept (I knew!).

-With Shane?- is instead what he says.

Penelope laughs. -No, not with him or even with Kevin.- she adds.

Luke seems puzzled by her answer. Probably he had reckoned that it was one of them, having excluded Sam, who didn't really look like the type of man who... -With whom, then?- he asks, trying not to sound insistent.

-No one you know.- she replies, still too enigmatic.

-I thought you told me about all your exs...- he speaks aloud, without thinking, busy parking in the garage of their apartment building.

She nods. -It happened, it was an... improvised thing.- she waves her hands in the air.

Luke follows her around the house. -Oh. And... did you see him anymore?- he's not jealous of one he didn't even know existed until five seconds ago. Not at all.

She looks at him, and seems to want to laugh. -Yes, but... uh... he wasn't a he.- she says.

-What?- she sees him blinking several times. -Have you been with a girl?- he asks.

She confirms, trying to get serious again. -Yes, with Ariana, my best friend.- she explains.

-The one who is in love with the unit chief section, Cruz? Are you kidding me?- he doesn't believe her.

-No. We were both curious and... she was the person I trusted most in that time and the same was true for her.- she shrugs her shoulders. -Luke, do you think you'll ever recover?- she asks.

-Yes, give me a moment to realize...- he shakes his head. -And how was it? Should I start to worry about the other half of the population?- she gives him a little push.

-No, stupid! Anyway, it was... strange, but sweet and different.- she replies, sincere. -Now can I go and brush my teeth?- she asks for permission.

-Yes, yes, I still have only a little curiosity.- he follows her to the bathroom door.

-Please don't ask me if it was better than with you.- she pleads with him, taking the toothbrush.

- No, I was thinking... what food did you choose?- she laughs and splashes him with water.

_________________________

TAGS: @arses21434 @kathy5654 @martinab26 @reidskitty13 @jenf42 @gracieeelizabeth27 @silviajajaja @charchampagne14 @thinitta @myhollyhanna23 @garvezz @mercedes-maldonado @shyladystudentfan @cosmicmelaninflower @criminalminds14 @pegasus-scifichick @paperwalk @zip-zop-zoobity-stop @perfectly-usually @ idontknowwhattodow @fallenstarof96 @nharmoniaagainst4kids @inlovewithgarvaz

#garvez #criminal minds #cm #penelope garcia #luke alvez #luke x penelope #penelope x luke #alvez x garcia #garcia x alvez #flarpy blunderguff

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calliecat93 · 6 years

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RvB17: The Everwhen, Time Travel, and Memory

We're three episodes into RvB17 now, and boy has it gotten crazy already. As with the previous season, we have a major focus on the subject of time travel and changes. Unlike last time, however, where our heroes went to various points as they saw fit, this time they are stuck in a period of soft time. Specifically, their combined history. And the only ones who can move freely are Genkins, Donut, and presumably, Wash will be able to as well. It's a lot of interesting stuff happening, but it does raise some questions. How does The Everwhen work? How can the guys get their memory back? Even if they do, can they get out? And what about outside the Everwhen? What's happening with the normal timeline?

Well, for this post, I will attempt to explain everything as best as I can going off the past three episodes and from Season 16. Nor of course, this is just what I have gathered so far from the information given so any of this as well as any of my speculations can, and likely will be, dead wrong. But hey, it's fun to theorize these kinds of things, so I'm willing to give it a shot! Let us begin.

What is The Everwhen?

As explained in the premiere episode, the Everwhen is a period of fluid time that is the original crack along Chrovos' prison. It is a piece of time that has essentially been isolated from the rest of the timestream. It still occurred in the main timeline, but it is now free to be messed with as much as Chrovos and Genkins please. How long is The Everwhen? Well as the episode explained, it is the combined history of the Reds and Blues. It begins here:

And ends here:

In other words, we start at where the series began, "Do you ever wonder why we're here". And it ends at the moment where time broke: Carolina saving Wash. By doing so Temple got stopped far sooner, the time machine never started and Donut, therefore, was never zapped. As such, they never time traveled to begin with. Instead of fading out of existence, however, the Reds and Blues were sent into The Everwhen, their memories wiped of everything prior to Wash being shot. Donut was in Chrovos' domain and was brought back by her power early on in S16, so he's immune. Wash was on Chorus so he wasn't caught in the paradox, but because the circumstances revolved around him, two different versions of him were created and existed in the same mind. We'll talk more about that later.

Think of the Everwhen as a kind of simulation, or even a copy of the singular timeline. It's not the actual thing, but it's good enough that it can get the job done. With it being isolated, Chrovos can send Genkins in to cause chaos and allow more cracks along the cage. This is why Chrovos picked these people specifically back in S16. The Fates prophesied the entire thing, so Chrovos knew exactly what to do. Use the limited influence to cause the time machine's creation, zap Donut, send the Reds and Blues on their escapades knowing that with them being idiots they'd do whatever, have Genkins fool around to set the necessary events into motion like triggering Wash's PTSD, and cause the paradox.

But, of course, there was a problem. Chrovos got free of the treadmill/gears... but because of The Hammer, she couldn't escape the prison. Now how the Reds and Blues were put into the Everwhen, I have no idea. It's possible that Chrovos, with her limited power, was able to send them in there at the last second or it was just the paradox's doing and they'd have just been left there. Whatever the case, they are there and Chrovos's doorway can access it. And due to it, anything along it can be changed to cause alternate timelines, and therefore break Chrovos out. What happens to it after Chrovos is free? The guys are either stuck there forever, doomed to forever repeat their history, or Chrovos wipes it and them out along with everything else. Either way, it's bad.

So to put it simply, the Everwhen is a simulation that the Reds and Blues are unknowingly trapped in. It's isolated from the rest of the timestream, so you can only access it through the gateway, not with a Time Gun or anything else. Only those aware of these facts can go through the Everwhen's timeline freely. Otherwise, you're stuck repeating the same events over and over again with Genkins unknowingly changing some stuff up. You at most get a sense of deja vu, but otherwise, you're just stuck in a loop.

The Main Timeline and Schrodinger's Wash

So the paradox sent the Reds and Blues into the Everwhen... but what about the main timeline? The one that we know? Well, we know from Chrovos that everything backward is a bit of a mess as time tries to straighten itself out. So going back in time... would be like going into the eye of a tornado, a monumental disaster. You can still go back, but it's likely going to be a bit of a wreck, is all. After the paradox, however... things look okay. All that we know is that Wash never got shot, but everything looks okay otherwise. As for what's happened with the Reds and Blues here... I have no clue. But it looks like they just vanished, considering that Wash was still on Chorus as we saw in S16. Maybe they went back to Iris after the Pizza Quest and Carolina went to check on them that day, IDK. Right now, that's not important.

What is important though is Wash. As I said already, due to the paradox two versions of him existed at once. First is the version of him that wasn't shot, who is acting loopy and out of it like he did after the Armor Lock in S15. The version that got shot is confused but coherent. Due to this, Wash feels essentially phantom pains. The damage of the shot is still existent. He still has cerebral hypoxia, but physically it's undetectable. Physically, he appears fine since he never got shot, but his mind is a different story. It's why he could feel neck pains and kept checking himself in, but couldn't keep a coherent story and why Grey couldn't find anything: the two versions were fighting for control. And she herself can't remember it since, again, the shot never happened so this is likely the timeline trying to repair itself. With no physical evidence of any damage, Grey couldn't properly diagnose Wash, so he went untreated.

Why is Wash like this and no one else is? Remember, Wash is the key to this whole paradox. It got triggered because Carolina prevented him from being shot. He's also a shisno who has gone through a portal at least twice, so that may give him some kind of protection. But regardless, because Wash was the key to everything, two versions of him were created and fought for existence. He couldn't realize this, however, like how the guys can't realize their situation until Donut got him to focus and think it through. He was able to convince Wash that there was a problem and focus on it, which got Wash to realize what happened to him and the two versions stabilized to the Wash we know. It was being convinced of the impossible that got Wash back to normal. Which brings us to our next topic...

How can the Reds and Blues regain their memory?

Episode 3 answers this question. At first, it looked like it was impossible. Because of the way the Everwhen works, the Reds and Blues don't perceive time as we do. It doesn't help that the only one who knows what's wrong, Donut, is the worst person to be stuck with this job. Why? Because no one will listen to him, as Episode 2 made painfully clear. All that it ended up doing was only further crack apart Chrovos' prison. So does this mean that the Reds and Blues can't regain their memories then?

Not quite.

As I just explained, Was was able to get his back by Donut getting him to focus and realize what was going on. Now Wash's situation is a little bit different. On some level, he already knew what happened. But because he also had a version who didn't know stuck in his head, as well as the cerebral hypoxia still being a thing, he simply couldn't comprehend it without help. Since Donut knew what was going on, it makes sense that he was the only one who could do this. But the Reds and Blues, as far as they know, had nothing prior happen. At most, they have a sense of deja vu. That's it. They essentially also have two versions of themselves in their heads, but the one with the future memories is asleep, so control isn't being fought over. Wash was unstable and not stuck in the Everwhen. And unlike Wash, who was on Chorus in the present, the Reds and Blues are stuck in a time loop reliving their past so that is not going to help.

While the situations differ, we can still take things from Wash's and apply it to the Reds and Blues. Wash had to be told of his situation and convinced of it before he stabilized. Considering that both versions were active, this was probably easier to do for him than it would be for the others. But it does still show that the guys can be restored to normal. How? They have to be convinced that the future things happened. They have to be convinced that Wash was shot. That they time traveled. That they caused the paradox. That Chrovos and Genkins exist. Or at the very least, they have to be convinced of a certain memory or experience that happened in S16 indeed happened, even though they can't remember it.

To further explain this, we're going to use Grif as an example since he's the one showing the most signs of remembering. Now like everyone else, Grif doesn't remember anything from Wash being shot to the paradox being triggered. As far as he's concerned, everything is going as normal aside from the occasional case of deja vu. That same deja vu has caused him to be confused at least twice now, realizing that he's experiencing something that he already went through, and he came the closest to believing Donut's story in Episode 2. Even saying that it felt familiar to him. But that became null and void because Sarge reminded him that it was Donut who was talking. Aka, as I said, the guy that no one ever listens to. So it was close, but not good enough.

So how could Grif get his memory back? The first would be for him to believe Donut's story again, but instead of being thrown off by Sarge, pry for more details and start thinking it over. This would likely cause the memories to resurface until he hit a point where he believed it and focused on the deja vu, which would restore his memory. Another way is that he might need some kind of trigger. Something that triggers a strong memory that he has repressed. Let's say... Donut brings up a talking floating light for example, and that causes Grif to have a deja vu moment about Huggins. He starts focusing on it and he starts being able to recall his memories of her, which in turn will cause him to remember everything else.

The key word here, of course, is convincing. In order for any of the guys to remember anything, they have to be convinced that these things happened. That they are indeed stuck in a kind of loop and that a Time God is screwing around with them. This is why Donut is having a hard time, no one will listen to him. And tbf, even if Wash tries to convince them, they don't remember anything. All of that would sound plain insane to them. Wash at least had his past memories active. The others are outright dormant. Donut was on the right track, but there likely needs to be some kind of trigger to a strong memory or event to cause the memories to wake up. Hence why I mentioned Grif with Huggins, since his interactions with her were vital to his character development that season and he felt guilty for pretty much stabbing her in the back, and of course led to him failing to stop everything. Might also be why Grif's the one getting deja vu the most, unlike everyone else he already knew what was about to happen due to Genkins running his mouth, but since he was stuck in the paradox he didn't get to keep the memory as Donut did.

Okay, so let's say that eventually, one of the Reds and Blues remember. What then? I imagine that once they are aware of their position and of the Everwhen, like Donut they can move along it and exit it freely. Might be a while before they figure out how to do that, but with the awareness, they're no longer bound to it. Once they can leave their past self, the past self goes on like nothing happened, like Donut's past selves did whenever he went to the next memory. But again, this can only happen if they believe it, and convincing them to is going to be the hardest part.

How to defeat Chrovos

The universe seems pretty screwed. No matter what Donut and Wash do, they'll cause paradoxes and let Chrovos break out. If they do nothing, Genkins will still get the job done and Chrovos gets free. It seems unlikely that she's not getting free. So how can she be defeated? Well... there are only two options that I can think of.

Option 1: Prevent the Rescue Mission

This one was talked about in Episode 3. The paradox happened because of the Reds and Blues decision to go back and save Wash. The logical step, therefore, would be to go back to that point along the main timeline and make them stop. As such the events that triggered the paradox don't happen, the Time Guns get relinquished to the Cosmic Powers, Donut likely uses The Hammer to seal Chrovos and without the paradox, they can't even get partially out, and it all ends here and there. Mind you IDK what would happen to Donut and Wash if they combined with the versions that exist or not, but we have seen that changing things won't necessarily doom things. At the very least, the threat is neutralized.

But of course, the only way that this can be done is with the Time Gun. Remember, anything from Wash being shot to the end of S16 never happened in the Everwhen. I mean I guess it raises the question on how Wash got saved since Carolina did it, but regardless Wash wasn't shot and the time travel never happened. So Wash and Donut can't go along the Everwhen and do it there, because the Reds and Blues decision simply didn't happen due to those events not happening. They can only carry this plan out along the regular timeline with the Time Gun, which Genkins has now made impossible. So unless they can get another gun or re-retrieve that one, that plan is screwed.

There may, however, be another way to fix this... and it's VERY convoluted but I'm throwing it out there.

Option 2: Shoot Wash Again On The Everwhen

The paradox began because Carolina shot the soldier who was supposed to shoot Wash. This event still happened along the Everwhen. So it IS possible for any of the guys to go back to this point, possess themselves, and can shoot Wash themselves. The only one who probably couldn't is Carolina since she got to the room after Wash got shot. The other Reds and Blues though? They are in prime position to do so. Or there's even another option... Wash could possess himself and put himself in position to be shot. He'd have to relive it, but if he did this, the events leading tot he time travel happen as it is meant to.

The problem here is... this could cause a paradox. Even one large enough to fully break Chrovos' prison. If the Reds and Blues do it, they change an event from how it went and thus an alternate timeline is spawned. If Wash does it, he'd HAVE to do it in a way where it happens exactly as we saw it in S15. If he shot himself, the events may still happen, but the fact that he did it to himself can cause issues and spiral an alternate timeline. However, if it's done properly along the Everwhen, it could glitch it and break everyone out, making it so that that singularity can't be messed with anymore. As such, unless there's enough damage that she can bust out anyways, Chrovos can't rely on creating paradoxes to weaken her prison anymore. And if the events go into play and they stop the Reds and Blues on the Everwhen, ti too may cause a glitch and if Donut seals Chrovos there, it may re-seal the prison in the main timeline due to the mutual connection. As such, the timeline is able to restore itself, the events before the Reds and Blues went back don't happen (which could save Huggins...), and they... IDK, finally, get their pizza or something.

Of course, this is all speculation. I could easily be wrong about all of this. We're still very early in the season, so who knows what the Hell is going to happen. This I just me thinking aloud base don what we already have because otherwise I'm gonna go crazy. I hoped that you all enjoyed the post, and whether I am right or wrong, it's gonna be one crazy ride this season!

#rvb #rvb17 #rvb spoilers

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ddae208e · 6 years

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Devilment (taekook au)

Genre: angst Word count: 1,694 This is part 1. Part 2,

Jungkook is a young and naive boy, so who is to blame him when even he cannot resist the devil?

I apologise, for I know my words will cause you hurt, even though it has never been intended. I understand the sadness and unwanted guilt you feel whenever you look at me and my head has turned the other way. My eyes either focusing someplace or fidgeting with the air around me. My mind is anything but calm. When I want to explain things, my mind goes blank and leaves me with no words to speak. There are so many things I want to say, but I do not know how to say them right, because I do not want to say something that I will regret. Neither do I want to upset anyone, and that causes my mind trouble, because often my thoughts must seem wicked to those who are suppressing their feelings by being loud. That including you, my guardians.

Love, best regards, will miss you, your son, Jungkook. Jeon.

He wakes up with a burning sensation near his chest. At first, his temperature rises slightly, but as his light snores are deafened by the fire cackling, he feels his fingertips turning to dust. Jungkook's eyes fling open and his head turns in different directions as if he has tics. His eyes flicker all around. The surroundings are all burnt to the ground. He lets out a shout begging for the fire to die down. The fire places itself on his hands, and whilst it doesn't spread anywhere further, Jungkook wishes it would, for if his whole body was aching with pain, he'd get used to the feeling.

Taehyung cries, "if I cannot move heaven," and he tilts his head a little to the right and looks straight down upon , leaving nothing but rubble behind. His lips form a smirk as he shouts, "I will raise hell!"

Jungkook wakes by his head falling over. Reality washes over him, and his heart skips a beat when he brings his hands up to the light. Turning the limbs dusted with coal over and over, his head starts hurting. He lets out a deep sigh as he closes his eyes and lets his arms dump down along his sides.

Taehyung's fingertips feel a little cold. No wonder, he thinks. He has just thrown all of his heat onto the little town under the skies. The town that he despises, but not enough to forget about sugar-coating the way the fire had started. He sat fire to a part of the forest where no one ever wanders. Hereafter he spread the fire like crazy. Atheism has turned the whole world against god and me. They'd just make up another theory like big bang on how the fire struck their town. Bullshit. He huffs, and like a dragon, more fire is spit at the frightened people. How corrupt they are. Up on the clouds, from where Taehyung had cursed the town, the skies had turned grey and soon where to pour, but only after Taehyung got off of them. He is on his way to the lighter skies, perhaps on another ravage. He always feels better after wreaking havoc. As he nears the spotless clouds, he grows a suspicion that something is off. He stops walking and closes his eyes to try and seek the bad feeling inside of his guts. His mind wanders toward somewhere bright, and he hisses of discomfort. Once a voice speaks up, he quits babying and focuses only on using his ears. "Please, I'm begging you. Please help me. I know of the bad I have done, so I come to you-" with eyes wide open, Taehyung sprints down from the cloud and at the speed of light he flies toward the sound of the voice of a person he once used to think so highly of. He jumps down toward the town he left in ruins. Before said person gets to speak another word, Taehyung cuts the connection off to the deity. Taehyung now stands alone in a hospital room with a sad soul. "Taehyung" the dimly lit soul whimpers.

"I need your help," Taehyung's eyes are forced to look down at the soul's hands - the hands the soul doesn't have. So he slowly let his head drift back up and I swear his heart broke all over again, as he stared into the eyes of his past lover. "I didn't mean to" is all Taehyung has the strength to say right before he catches the soul, now with a body, in his shaking arms.

Jungkook feels his lips quiver as he waits for Taehyung to speak up. Taehyung is pacing around the abandoned hospital room. Jungkook is sitting on the creaky mattress, where he almost started praying for Taehyung not to burn him and pull apart his remaining bones. "Why were you in that town?" whilst Taehyung knows the answer, he dreads hearing it coming from Jungkook, and so Jungkook is debating whether or not to stand up to this devil man, for while he knows what Taehyung is capable of, he is not sure of how willing he is to demonstrate all of his torturous ways on him. "Say it, please" Taehyung's voice is low and disappointed. Jungkook ponders for a minute. "I wanted to see you," Taehyung feels only Jungkook's eyes at his back. He is unsure of what feelings are taking over his head at the moment. He wants to tear Jungkook apart for his stupid actions, but nonetheless does he want to engulf him into what actual people call a hug.

"Do you know what I have to go through now, because you couldn't help your human desires?" He asks, slowly letting his body turn around. He stares into Jungkook's eyes with those of himself that are darker than midnight. The whole scene triggers a Deja vu within Jungkook, and because Deja vu is only a feeling, Jungkook immediately reformulates the situation from Deja vu, to flashback. And by doing so, Jungkook leaves the present to visit the past within a flashback. Taehyung watches carefully as Jungkook's eyes slowly close and his body falls to the floor. As he nears the unconscious body to feel for a pulse, he retreats back as soon as his index and middle finger touch the boy's delicate skin. He hears a voice in the back of his mind asking him how he had ever dared lay a finger on such an innocent soul, bringing him to hell for successfully tempting him. As Jungkook's mind races, Taehyung's eyes soften, and his mouth agape, as he looks at the dainty boy before him.

The colours on the walls are fading. The once very saturated pink is now white with a pink tint. Walking away from the halls and into the bigger room, the colours are even more popping. It still smells of paint, meaning a paint-job was performed not too long ago; or no one cares enough to open windows and doors to freshen the room. Walking further into the room there are two turning points; the left leads to a smaller corner that has not been touched in forever, hence the dust piling up against the white baseboard. The right path leads to a bigger area where loud chatter can be heard.

Turning left, all there is to be seen is a big, brown storage cabinet with closed doors. Its scent is so strong, that even while standing many feet away from it, and with the smell of paint, the cabinet still smells of old books. And any movements, even a couple feet away from the cabinet, will lead a dozen of dust particles around the small corner. The two walls around the cabinet are grey and full of hollow holes ranging from sizes of a teacup to peas. . Walking back into the centre of the room, the right side is still unseen. Walking that way leads to a bigger side of the room. In this end of the room the walls are decorated with tropical flowers painted across the walls. The background colours are a mix between a very bright red and a dark blue, making the walls a matte purple. The hospital room sure is colourful. Maybe it was painted on purpose for someone who might not experience colour anywhere else.

To the right of the corridor, the king-sized bed is crowded by a doctor, a nurse and two middle-aged, stressed looking people. "How much longer will I stay here?" Asks the boy timidly. The kids he used to play with in school told him, that rude kids would have to stay in the hospital for longer. Since then, Jungkook has always been nervous near the doctors. "We can't say for sure yet, but wait a couple weeks and we shall have another conversation. Are you taking your meds regularly?" Jungkook nods with an unfortunately big and fake smile on his face. The doctor looks at him with pinched eyes and tight lips. Any kid should have gotten better by now. "I have been keeping track, doctor, and Jungkook has been taking every medication that has been given to him." Jungkook thinks, that if the sweet nurse, with the straight and shoulder length black hair, had not been there to keep him company, and sweet talk him whenever the doctor visited, he would not have taken his medicine. And he would not have told his parents to stay strong for him. His nurse made life hospital bearable. Better than bearable and suddenly he had started dreading the day he was to leave the colourful room. If he ever was to.

Soon everyone had made their leave, and once again Jungkook was alone in the room where he had begun to feel at home.

#bts #taekook #vkook #angst #devil #au #jungkook #taehyung #v #bts angst #bts au #taekook angst #vkook angst #fluff

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meditationadvise · 5 years

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Dreaming the Future? Stories of Precognitive Dreams, a Psychic Phenomena

Here is another psychic sensations that I personally recognize to be genuine. It seems to be almost as typical as regular recognition, however people do not speak about it a lot: people call it precognitive fantasizing, when they fantasize something and also the precise scene they fantasized becomes a reality later on in life.

Sometimes the desire becomes a reality the following day or shortly after, as well as often individuals dream the future years beforehand. This is not something that can be chalked up to coincidence: this is individuals dreaming exact scenes, specific moments of their life where every detail of the scene is a particular means, and it comes to life later.

I know this to be true from firsthand experience. I dreamt a scene where I was going through a park when I was 11 and staying in Houston, Texas. When I was 16 I strolled through the exact same park the exact same method Sacramento, The golden state, where I had never ever been at the age of 11.

The exact same point of view I saw the park in the dream, the precise very same scene was just what I saw, and it gave me among one of the most powerful sensations of déjà vu I have actually ever before felt, however it was clearly different.

For some reason I had some dreams at the age of 11 that came true when I was 16, yet there were no much more precognitive desires afterwards for me. I can't remember exactly what the various other dreams were but they were minor compared with the dream of the park: I remember I fantasized them when I was 11, as well as they came to life when I was 16.

So below are a couple of even more stories of precognitive dreaming.

According to a tale on the subreddit 'Problem in the Matrix' by Terpinator_91:

' OK, very first message below, but after doing a reasonable little bit of reading I really felt that there would certainly be no harm in putting this out there.

As much as I can inform there are many individuals out there who have actually had some type of precognitive dream or vision, that later on happened. I am speaking about the next level of this. The very first time it took place was in secondary school, near the time of college graduation. I was hanging out in my basement with 2 of my friends playing computer game, when I started getting a sense of Deja Vu. In the beginning I could not find out why, yet then a commercial began TELEVISION that i remembered distinctly seeing the evening before in my desire, and also that is when I entered this state. For the following 8 mins I knew exactly whatever that was mosting likely to happen, every activity, every word, every audio. I even understood exactly what I was mosting likely to claim prior to I said it, however, for some reason I did not say it up until the actual moment I understood I would certainly. It was virtually as if I was scared to do something various from exactly what I was expecting, and I still question, exactly what would take place if I said something concerning just what was taking place then ... or could I have? It was horrifyingly unusual, however after that it came to an end. Nothing else really occurred for a couple of weeks.

Second time was different, due to the fact that I remembered my dream from the night in the past, but also for some factor I could only understand some information. Something felt strange, yet I really did not assume much of it, and also I went on with my day usually, up until I met with my Papa for supper. Points got really unusual right here ... as quickly as I unlocked I understood I was back in this Deja Vu space again. I understood which table to go to without even having a look about, and once I rested down I informed my Papa about just what was happening, which I understood what I was intended to state to him and also what he would state back. As I had actually fantasized, he pulled out a note pad and began writing every little thing down as he exposed to me that this was something that haunted him as a teenage right into their adult years. I say expose due to the fact that if you would have asked me before I strolled into that dining establishment regarding my dads interest in the subject, I would have had no suggestion. While he was describing his concepts to me, I really felt like I was watching a rerun for the 5th time, as everything that was stated and also done was specifically as expected.

I have numerous more examples. One evening I understood my buddy was going to get bitten by a snake before we even knew that there was a pet serpent in the house we were in. I have seen athletic contests in my dreams that unravel specifically the exact same means as I view them. Continues ... and also has actually been for about 6 years currently. As I have grown older it has actually happened less regularly, though component of me believes it is due to the fact that I do my best to not acknowledge that this has occurred, since I have no way to explain it.

I could recognize the concept of time not being straight and also that whatever could be occurring simultaneously, as well as for some factor individuals might have the ability to look right into various other areas of time. Yet I was simply questioning if anybody had any kind of originalities to what is occurring right here and your experience with it.

Again I am talking extreme information right here, Want to the factor that I informed my gf both scores she would certainly bowl the one time I was experiencing this when we went bowling.

I have no control over it, no means of knowing when it will happen, and also it can take place in a couple various ways. I have no idea how you can explain it, but it appears to be beyond coincidence to me.'

According to a discussion forum remark by Highlander at Globe of Lucid Thinking:

' I still keep in mind a dream i had like 15 years earlier. I'm at job as well as i see several of my women colleagues chuckling and also painting their faces. Like 2 weeks hereafter dream, in waking reality, i'm at job and we are all preparing for an event produced by our company: a paintball game outdoors. As well as what do i see? My women coworkers giggling and also repainting their faces. I was checking out that situation and also thinking: 'I imagined this."

According to a discussion forum comment by ESPer at World of Lucid Dreaming:

"As has actually been stated a number of times, one needs to experience it for themselves to think it. And really that's how it should be. One should not blindly believe anything. I would certainly be (and also am) hesitant of anything I really did not directly experience.

This is however something I have verified for myself past much uncertainty. It wasn't simply a matter of being someplace, or doing something, and having a comparable scenario play out in the future. That 'could' refer coincidence. I obtained a sms message in a desire, then received that EXACT sms message later on that day. The probabilities of that being coincidence are just astronomical.

Her name was Amanda, as well as I hadn't talked with her in like 9 months. I bear in mind in the desire looking at the text and also seeing: 'Hey, it's AMANDA, ...' (I really did not remember the rest in the desire). Her name was in all caps, both in the desire and later on that day (you won't capture me using the term 'in actual life', due to the fact that I consider my desires simply as actual as this so called 'life', keying away right currently).

And the kicker to it all is ... I recognized it as soon as I felt the thing shaking in my pocket. I 'felt in one's bones'.

This had not been the only precognitive dream I've had by a longshot, but it was the most convincing example.'

According to a discuss a post by 'Rebecca' at World of Lucid Dreaming:

' When I was a kid, I fantasized my relative (that I seldom viewed as she lived thus far away) acquired an old yellow mini as well as was owning it round my college. The following day my mum informed me she had actually done specifically that (without the college bit, she would certainly just got a yellow mini).

As a young adult (about the moment I began lucid fantasizing) I dreamed of thousands of gigantic logs littering the landscape, all outlined intentionally for an objective. There was a whole impressive story going on as well - something about the pyramids and also I wrote a tale about it when I woke up. Once again, the following day we went for a stroll in the park as well as discovered myself in my dream again, checking out dozens of massive trees chopped down as well as left littering the park, the scene was very unusual.'

According to a comment from 'Donna' on the same message:

' I have them quite a great deal. One specifically I call the 'Fatality Desire'. It's not the information of the desire that matters as much as the sensation of it. The initial time I knew exactly what it implied was when among my pupils dedicated suicide. I've had it a number of times considering that. Most recently was a few years ago, when my spouse's auntie died. I woke at 4.44 am and also he woke as well and also asked me why I was up. I informed him I 'd inform him in the early morning, which I did. Quickly after that, his parents sounded with the information. We inquired if they could obtain time of death information, which they did: it was estimated between 4.30 as well as 5am.'

According to a discussion forum message by Kailyn Spears at Globe of Lucid Dreaming:

' Since as much back as I could remember I have had dreams where I could see approaching events in my regular everyday life. The majority of are ordinary things like dreaming that I am standing in my bed space assuming concerning something as well as after that I begin to really feel a feeling and after that days weeks even months later it occurs exactly as I dreamt it would certainly. Exact same location, same stream of consciousness, very same exact emotion. With my life I have had a few very unique times where my precognition really transformed or changed my life. Let me start with a little biography so you recognize a lot more about me.

I expanded up in a southerly, christian, republican, house. I mosted likely to Sunday school each week and also review my Holy bible daily. I don't bear in mind when it began happening however I do remember thinking that I could not inform anybody because they would certainly think I was crazy or even worse really did not rely on God. The church I expanded up at taught that dreaming the future (among various other things) was witchcraft and that it didn't actually occur it was just something individuals did to fool others from their money. When I began having these dreams, I intuitively maintained them to myself, that is until just recently. When I was more youthful, I thought that my precognition desires were a present from God which they would lead me down the course in life that I am supposed to take. Now provided, a lot of my dreams are concerning ideas and sensations as well as mundane activities I preform others are substantially different because I can manipulate the present based on what I saw occur in my precog dream, kind of like the old disney program, 'That's So Raven'.

The most significant of these circumstances was November 14th and 15th 2006 when I was 12. I had the most significant crush on this guy yet I understood one of my friends liked him as well. I had a dream that I was standing outside the band hall by a particular pole and she came near me as well as claimed, 'He said no.' I recognized that she was speaking about the individual that we both had a crush on as well as I deducted that she had asked him out and also he had actually rejected her. When I woke up from my dream I schemed to recreate this dream to ensure that it would make my opportunities of dating him better and get her to quit flirting with him (yes i recognize I was a crafty child back then). So at lunch I chatted her up to it. She claimed she would ask however that I had to go wait at the band hall and as I have explained in the past, that is where I was waiting on her so I concurred to this action. I left the cafeteria as well as I went and waited by the post that I bore in mind on call in my dream. When she came to me, her answer was exactly what I had actually visualized, 'He stated no.' Existing with my teeth I began to console her saying I was sorry as well as that she can find a much better guy however after that she quit me. 'He claimed no to * you *.' I stated what? She responded, 'I believed you indicated to ask him out for you. He claimed no to dating you.' Well obviously I was squashed by this information so later that day in an initiative to conserve face and maybe restore a relationship and perhaps a hope of dating him, I called him. I explained exactly how that had not been supposed to happen which I liked him but thought that she was mosting likely to ask him out for herself. Long tale short, me and also this guy started dating that night and also we dated for a year and a fifty percent, to today my lengthiest relationship. After that fantasize they kind of diminished, when I had them it was mundane things that just weren't also worth stating.

However, lately the task has actually been occurring increasingly more regularly. I think that my control over my precognitive dreams is enhancing. Just what I want validation on is, exists any person that has actually had a precognitive desire while half awake??? Earlier today, after not sleeping for 24-HOUR, I lost consciousness on the couch as well as while I was asleep I started having a precognitive dream that my good friend would call me and state something to me. However, while I was having this dream, he actually did call me!

So I was dreaming the future simple secs prior to it actually happened! At the end of my pre gear desire my friend stated something, I truthfully don't remember just what it was and also I desire I did. Quickly after that, he actually claimed what I had actually simply dreamt as well as to that I replied yea, I understand, you just stated that. To which he responded, 'no I really did not. just what are you speaking about?' I, now being rather awake, clarified to him that i was simply fantasizing regarding just what he would say as well as that i had anticipated him stating what he claimed. Basically the whole experience reminded me of the Oracle on the Matrix when she says 'Oh and also do not stress regarding the flower holder.' and after that Neo breaks it.'

For much more info, below's a documentary I found on YouTube concerning precognitive dreams.

#meditation #meditation quotes

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sage-nebula · 6 years

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TWEWY: Final Remix - Thoughts

So, I’ve more or less beaten Final Remix now. I’ve beaten the main story, as well as “A New Day”, and while I still have to play through “Another Day” and get the Secret Reports, I think now is as good a time as any to type up my thoughts.

Since the original story is ten years old and I’ve played it dozens of times, I won’t be discussing the plot of that too much. However, I will discuss “A New Day,” so I’m going to put the rest of this under a cut as well as spoiler tag it just so that no one ends up seeing anything they don’t want to see.

To begin with, Final Remix as a whole.

First, I do think that there are some legitimate criticisms as far as the gameplay goes, and those criticisms stem from the fact that SE clearly ported over the iOS controls instead of building from the ground up to make something that would work with the Switch. While I understand that the Switch doesn’t have dual screen capability, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t have implemented the JoyCons in small ways when playing in handheld mode (such as using buttons for the Tin Pin Slammer whammies), or that they couldn’t have found a better way to utilize Neku’s partners rather than treating them as pins. The motion controls when playing in docked mode can be a bit wonky as well, and in particular I personally found Joshua nigh unplayable in that mode. Moreover, there are certain areas where the gameplay is not intuitive at all, where a bit more assistance would have been helpful. Namely, the giant bat boss in Week 1, Day 3 was changed to compensate for the fact that there aren’t two screens, but you are not told what you need to do to launch Shiki to the top screen, so you’re screwed if you don’t figure it out on your own. Likewise, Tigris Cantus was changed to compensate for the lack of two screens, but you’re not told that you have to stand in her shadow to allow your partner to attack her directly during the third phase. These two bosses caused me way more frustration than necessary as a result.

All of that said, though, I do think that a lot of the freaking out I’ve seen about the controls is a bit of an overreaction. The reliance SE had on Solo Remix was a detriment to Final Remix, to be sure, but the controls just take some getting used to. This can be difficult for seasoned TWEWY players such as myself, but with a little bit of practice it’s not that bad (particularly in handheld mode). Even when it comes to Tin Pin---yes, it sucks that you can’t use the buttons for the whammies, but if you know that ahead of time you can train yourself to quickly tap the whammies. Takes some practice, but the original Tin Pin Slammer did as well. You just have to retrain yourself.

Moving on from that, I do think that the majority of the remixes were absolutely fantastic. However, there were some . . . bugs? . . . with the music in certain areas. Such as: When you first meet Shiki, “Deja Vu” starts playing, taking over “Despair”, which rather ruins the mood of the moment considering Neku is still panicking about the Noise that were attacking him. That wasn’t the only place where there was some musical dissonance, but it’s one of the first ones I remember off the top of my head, particularly because it was so jarring I looked up a video of the original DS version of that moment to see if I was right in remembering that it was off (and I was). I’m not exactly sure why SE screwed with the music like that, but I wish they hadn’t. The remixes are great, but we didn’t need which track plays where screwed to that degree. (Though that said, for those who don’t like the remixes, you can switch back to the DS OST at any time in the settings menu. I’m not sure if that fixes the musical dissonance that sometimes occurs or not, but that’s an option. So there’s no real excuse to have “I hate the remixes” as a reason for hating the game when . . . you can disable them.)

Overall, while there are a few minor things here or there that could have been better, I don’t think that any of this is a reason to discourage people from buying this game, particularly when it has been said this is our last shot at a sequel. These are all petty, minor inconveniences---they’re not enough to ruin the experience, in my opinion, particularly for a brand new fan who won’t be blinded or have their opinion marred by nostalgia.

All of that said . . . “A New Day”. Oh boy.

I think the biggest weakness of “A New Day” is that it was too short, and left way too many things unanswered. This is obviously to leave room for the sequel (which we now have a reason for; there was no room for a sequel before, but now there definitely is), but at the same time it’s also a little frustrating, especially considering the very good chance that we won’t get a sequel due to it not selling well enough in Japan (which is Nintendo’s own fault, by the by, because I was actually in Shibuya this past August and I saw no advertising for it anywhere---literally, I passed by Tower Records and I heard Splatoon 2 music playing, but I didn’t hear a single note of TWEWY music, wth), and people in the western fandom telling curious people to buy the DS original or iOS ports instead. The idea that we might not get any answers to any of the questions raised (and that Neku might just stay dead forever, I guess) is really frustrating to me, but I guess in Nomura’s defense he couldn’t have planned for that, so. It is what it is.

Nonetheless, there are a lot of questions raised. Why was Shinjuku erased? Is it erased for good? How is that affecting Shinjuku in the RG? How are Noise appearing in the RG in the first place? (I actually wrote a fic where that happened once, though I only got about two chapters in with it.) I can say that I’m not at all surprised that Coco is actually a Shinjuku Reaper. I always felt that she didn’t really fit with Shibuya at all, ever since the iOS port first came out and I first saw her. She just doesn’t look like a Shibuya Reaper, you know? But she does look very Shinjuku. I can’t really explain it, but the fashion and vibe in Shibuya is just different from Shinjuku, particularly since Shinjuku (contrary to what is said in TWEWY) is actually the high class fashion center of Tokyo. Like, Shibuya is filled with teenagers and all that, but Shinjuku is where you go if you want expensive fashion. So while I’m not saying that Coco’s outfit looks very expensive, I am saying that the fact that her fashion is so different from what we see in Shibuya in TWEWY definitely makes the fact that she originates from Shinjuku make so much more sense. I’m really glad that was clarified in “A New Day”. But that said, that doesn’t explain how she got to Shibuya’s UG to begin with (particularly since I thought that Reapers couldn’t travel between the different UGs), nor does it explain how she can summon a Noise big enough to swallow a city, or create illusions like she did, or use the Taboo Noise refinery to revive Minamimoto . . . there are too many questions here. Way too many questions, and we don’t have answers for any of them.

That said, although I do feel that it was too short, and though I feel that scrambling the map was done less because it made sense for Coco to do that, and more because they wanted to create some artificial length (because if you don’t know how to get to each location, you’re going to spend way more time randomly running around than you otherwise would), I did still enjoy it. The highlights for me were:

Seeing development in Neku’s relationships: Right off the bat, Beat was ready to form a pact with Neku again, and Neku was ready to do the same with Beat. They didn’t even question it, despite how they (understandably) questioned everything else. Not only that, but Beat screamed and reached for Neku when Neku was shot again right in front of him, and I can only imagine how devastated Beat must be right about now. If he didn’t need some therapy after the Game (and he did---they all did), he definitely needs some after seeing his best friend be murdered right in front of him. Then there’s Neku’s relationship with Shiki. One of my favorite parts is when he saw her in Eri’s body again, and his immediate reaction was, “No, that’s not Shiki. That’s not what she really looks like.” I made a post about it before, but one of the best things about Neku’s relationship with Shiki---one of the things that makes it amazing---is the fact that Neku doesn’t truly warm up to her until she drops the Eri act and starts acting like herself. Neku was never impressed by Eri’s looks, and he certainly isn’t impressed by her bubbly attitude; if anything, that annoys him. But Neku cherishes and loves (whether you see it as platonic or romantic) the real Shiki. And so the disappointment he showed when he saw her in Eri’s body---the fact that he doesn’t want this “fake” Shiki, he wants his Shiki, the real Shiki---was extremely heartwarming. I also loved how casually he agreed to go with her to pick up some thread to repair Mr Mew at the end. You know that’s an errand that has nothing at all to do with him, but he just wants to spend some time with her. That’s really cute. ♥ We didn’t get to see very much of it, but I liked what we saw of Neku’s relationship with Joshua as well. I always found it odd (and perhaps a little forced) that Neku said he trusted Joshua at the end of the game. Joshua is someone who repeatedly lied to, used, and murdered Neku. Whatever his reasons for it, Joshua has made it abundantly clear time and again that he will put his own motivations above Neku’s well-being, and he will not feel sorry for it. So while I of course understand Neku not forgiving Josh, I could never understand Neku trusting him despite that lack of forgiveness. If anything, I thought it should be the other way around, that perhaps Neku would forgive him after understanding where he was coming from, but would still not trust him. Either way, I was glad to see in “A New Day” that Neku doesn’t quite trust Joshua as much as he claimed. When he realized that Joshua would likely have some explanation about what was going on, he chased him down. He refused to back down at first, not believing that “Yoshiya” wasn’t playing him. When he had a vision of Joshua potentially shooting him, he thought of that as a very real possibility. All of this points to the fact that it’s less that Neku does trust Joshua, and more that he wants to, and that he’s still feeling pretty conflicted over it. Which, all things considered, is extremely understandable and IC. Finally, Neku’s relationship with Hanekoma has always been one of my favorites, and I was so happy about the little glimpses we witnessed here. I used to write fics where Neku saw Hanekoma as a father-figure (without explicitly saying as much), and where Hanekoma basically adopted him, so I honestly felt like this part of “A New Day” was written for me, haha. The bit where Coco started insisting that Hanekoma was untrustworthy, and Neku turned away from her (as he often does with those who annoy him) and insisted that he trusted Hanekoma more than anyone warmed my heart. Hanekoma, despite Coco’s interference, doing his best to help Neku and get him to WildKat, warmed my heart. And at the very end, where Hanekoma asked “What about Neku?” because he knew Neku’s fate? That, too, warmed my heart. We all know that Hanekoma, at the very least, does hold affection for Neku given the final Secret Report of the original game (“I am glad to have had the chance to meet you”), and I”m glad to see that carried over here as well. Hanekoma is worried about him, and I really want a sequel to see what, exactly, Hanekoma does to help him out of this situation he’s now going to find himself in. (Playing the Game again . . . this time with Pi-Face as his partner . . . RIP, Neku.)

Joshua’s characterization was deliciously on-point. I know that so many people disagree with me on this one, and that’s fine. Everyone can have whatever opinions they want. But from what little we saw of Joshua there at the end, I felt that he was 100% IC---and given how much Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance butchered his characterization, this was so, so refreshing. The thing about Joshua, which I noted above, is that he’s not a sentimental person. He’s a pragmatist. He sees the bigger picture and he puts his own motivations and goals above the well-being of others. Joshua is a person who murdered a teenage boy in cold blood twice, a smile on his face in each time, because he wanted to use said teenage boy as a pawn in a game of life or death. Joshua is a person who was willing to erase an entire town because he felt the citizens weren’t living up to their potential. Joshua is a person who isn’t merciless, and he’s not evil or cruel, but he does believe the ends justify the means and he has little patience for those who would whine about it. He originally chose Neku because Neku was the epitome of everything Joshua hated about Shibuya, the absolute worst person that Joshua could find (that also had suitable Imagination), and though Neku’s development and growth as a person changed Joshua’s mind about erasing Shibuya, that doesn’t mean that he grew attached to Neku on a personal level the same way that Hanekoma did. I know that many people took the Secret Ending of the original game to imply that he was emo about not joining Neku and the others, but I just rewatched it and, honestly, nothing gave me that implication. If anything, it’s vague enough so that you can interpret either way (that he’s either upset about not joining them, or that he feels they’re wasting their time---because after all, Hanekoma says, “Hey, it’s their world. They can decide what to do with it”), but I’ve personally always felt that the “Joshua is a lonely sad boy who just wants to be friends” was more wishful thinking on the part of the fandom versus what we actually see in Joshua’s characterization. Moreover, even if part of Joshua does care about Neku to some degree and wants to be friends with him and others (and again, that’s part of him), he’s still going to value the bigger picture over Neku as an individual. If Neku has to die again to get the job done, so be it. If Neku isn’t necessary for what Joshua has to do and ends up dying as collateral damage, so be it. He might not be exactly happy about it, but ultimately Joshua is here to play the long game, and Neku might not factor into that. In fact, judging by his “I don’t need him anymore” comment at the end of “A New Day” (which makes sense, because since Joshua’s Game with Megumi is no longer running, he has no reason to restrict himself to the RG and thus does not need a proxy to play for him), I’d say Neku doesn’t. Either way, I was really, really glad to see his proper characterization return. As I said, I felt that he was terribly OoC in KH:DDD, which actually led to me returning the game halfway through because it pissed me off so much, haha. Joshua is one of the most complex, fascinating characters I’ve ever seen in a JRPG, particularly with how he wasn’t swayed and won over by The Power of Friendship™ there at the end, and I was delighted to see that return. All in all, if you really want to know how I view Neku and Joshua’s relationship post-Game, here’s a fic I wrote a few years ago of the two of them interacting, featuring Neku’s lingering trust issues, lingering anger over what Joshua did to him, and Joshua’s lack of patience for what he sees as Neku’s pity party and inability to see the bigger picture. (Oh, and also Joshua teasing Neku and needling him to piss him off on purpose. Irritating Neku will never stop being one of Joshua’s favorite pastimes.)

Neku’s Imagination giving him additional ESP. Because what were those premonitions if not ESP? Of course, all the Players are espers to some degree, but Neku had the highest Imagination of them all, which is part of why Joshua chose him as his proxy. We been knew about this for ages, but seeing Neku have premonitions of the future---even if they were partially given to him by Hype-chan---was still very cool. Considering that Noise are not appearing in the RG as well (RIP to weebers girl), I wonder if his premonitions will continue in the next game, should we ever get it. Oh, and speaking of---Shiki mentioned having a feeling that something awful was going to happen right after (or before?) she noticed the tear in Mr Mew’s seam. While that’s not as strong of a premonition as what Neku experienced, it’s still extrasensory perception, and I like that she got some of that as well, that it wasn’t just Neku being the most special boy as per usual. Because after all, as I said, they’re all espers to some degree.

The foreshadowing that Coco was controlling everything was also on point. Aside from the fact that she looked so out of place and her insistence on going along with Neku and Beat was odd, the fact that Fake Shiki and Fake Rhyme changed their behavior just so to match with the feedback that Coco got from Neku and Beat was subtle, but juuuust enough for a perceptive player to catch, and I really enjoyed that. (For instance, after Neku mentioned that “Rhyme” was acting awfully distant toward her brother, Fake Rhyme started calling Beat “big bro.” There’s also the fact that Kariya and Uzuki’s personalities were swapped, and that Coco said “isn’t this how they are?” meaning that her information about them was second-hand . . . and another point to the fact that she was the one behind everything. Oh, and the fact that Coco doesn’t know what Shiki really looks like, and thus Fake Shiki looked like Eri . . . and Coco wouldn’t have known Shiki’s true motivation for her entry fee, hence the “I forgot,” and so on.)

All of that said, aspects that I didn’t enjoy (length and cliffhanger aside) as much were . . .

Fridging both Shiki and Rhyme (or, well, their fake selves) was unnecessary. In all honesty, as much as I love Beat and his friendship with Neku, I think that “A New Day” was a wasted opportunity to not have Neku partner with Rhyme. We never got to know what her play style was in the original game, and she’s the only one of Neku’s new friends that he never got to partner with. She’s just as capable of a Player as any of the rest of them (arguably more so given how clever she’s shown to be despite her age), and we barely got to see her personality or characterization in the original game due to how early on she got erased. Although “A New Day” was short, I would have really liked to partner with Rhyme for it, to see how she and Neku interact on their own, and to see what kind of play style she brings to the table. I’ve always headcanoned that she used psychs outright like Neku (i.e. a variety of pins), but I wonder what Nomura always envisioned for her. I would have liked to see that. Aside from which, not only did we already go through Beat’s despair over having Rhyme erased in the main story (which means that going through it again here was a re-tread of what we literally just got done seeing), but I also felt that both his and Neku’s reactions were . . . extremely underwhelming. Beat cried and attacked the shark, but otherwise he got over Rhyme being erased a second time pretty quickly. As for Neku, he goes from shouting, “Don’t you touch her!” at Beat at the end of the third week in the Game when Beat goes to knock out possessed!Shiki to just sort of . . . accepting that Shiki was erased without really caring in “A New Day”. There wasn’t even really any drama about it at all, despite how she was his primary motivation for fighting during weeks two and three. So not only were they erased for the sake of manpain, but they were erased for the sake of manpain that was barely explored, at that, especially since Neku and Beat thought this was real at the time and thus had no real reason to get over it so quickly. (And I mean, I get that Coco had that happen because she didn’t want Neku and Beat to figure out that Shiki and Rhyme weren’t real, which they were pretty close to doing, but still. Doesn’t change the fact that it felt unnecessary for the most part.) And honestly, I’m really not kidding about the wasted opportunity re: Rhyme. I would have loved to have partnered with her. Why we couldn’t have that instead I’ll never understand. (I mean, in-universe I suppose that Coco might have chosen Beat because he is notoriously stupid, but like . . . come on. Let us partner with Rhyme, SE! We’re not asking for a lot, here!!)

The whole bit with “Yoshiya” wasn’t explained and felt out of place. As much as I loved Joshua’s characterization, Yoshiya is another story. The over-the-top stuttering was bad enough, but there’s also no real explanation for why he behaved this way. At first I thought that perhaps this was a time travel plot and that this was how Joshua was before he died and ended up becoming Composer, but not only was that not the case, we have no explanation for why this did happen at all. Why would Coco believe Joshua acted like that? What reason did she have for thinking that? He was so far out of character that, looking back, it’s really jarring. (Still, I’ll take Yoshiya over KH3D “Joshua”, so that should tell you something about how I feel about KH3D.)

We never got a real name for Hype-chan. It’s been all these years and we still have nothing to call her but “Hype-chan,” smfh. But no, really, what’s her name? What’s her story? I want to know and yet I may never find out. This kills the Scrawlers.

All in all I did enjoy it, missed opportunities and raised questions aside, and I really want the sequel. Here’s hoping we manage to squeak enough sales to get it. It would be nice. (Especially since the fact that the sequel would likely be made especially for Switch should mean that the control issues would be smoothed out. One can only hope.)

#the world ends with you #twewy #twewy spoilers #the world ends with you spoilers #scrawlers plays the reapers game

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adventurousrecovery · 6 years

Text

The In-Between

“Why now?” my counselor asked.

“I’ve tried writing about it and I can’t get through a paragraph without crying. I can’t not express it. If I don’t do it now I’ll never do it. I will attempt to proceed with my life while tucking it away only to have it eat at me until I self-destruct. Plus, I’ve never had the opportunity to face something traumatic soon after it happened. I HAVE to do something.”

I knew he was concerned. Fuck, I was concerned. We both knew I was risking my mental health by choosing to step back into a traumatic experience and recreate it. I had been alienated, oppressed, and subjected to dehumanization with no evidence of my damaged existence other than the memories that forge the words of my story. That story demanded to be heard.

*********************************************************

We had discussed numerous ideas, agreeing upon three: my removing my makeup, a surprise, and performance of trust. I enter Cliff’s studio with a backpack and box full of items. I ran late and was unable to put on my makeup only to remove it for the shoot. He observed as I put on my makeup, enhancing existing features. I smile having caught him staring, blowing it off like it was no big deal. It was just makeup. The look on his face reminded me of when the girl’s prom date is sat waiting for her to descend the stairs and gives that first look of “wow” before standing up. I quickly toss my items and walk to the wall where he had set up a mirror. I pose against the wall next to it. Before. Eye contact. Progress. I pick up a wipe to remove my makeup and turn to face myself in the mirror. I move in slow motion as to give him time to move angles. I’m not shaking. I’m not scared. I am proud of my progress. I return to the wall and pose, my face bare. After. “Okay. We’re done.” Shit, that was fast. He’s excited. I scurry to my bag to put away the wipes and look down at my hands, spreading my fingers. “I’m so nervous I’m already shaking.” He has no clue. take it to the bathroom before turning to ask, “Um, can we put on music?”

“Do you want me to put on something or we can use your playlist?”

“I’ll put on mine.” He is not expecting what I am about to do and I am certain his music would not vibe with it. I struggle to connect my phone as my hands shake. I select “shuffle” and Only You by Selena Gomez plays. The bass vibrates the floor and shifts the emotional dynamic. I turn to say, “Just be ready to shoot.” It’s a warning. He moves across the studio to set lights as I drag my backpack to the bathroom, still concealing the items I had brought. I slow down to gain control. I take off all my clothes before removing the scrubs from my backpack. I take a deep breath and focus on the music before putting them on. I take a moment to adjust and reflect. I haven’t worn them since leaving the unit. I go so far as to tape on the hospital band I had worn that identified me as just another number in the system. This time is different. This time it is my choice to wear them. My mind is blank. Overwhelmed. Just do it. My legs are concrete. I open the bathroom door and expect to see him waiting in his office chair. He’s not there. I step to the corner of the wall and peak around in search of him. He’s positioned himself facing the wall, leaned back in the metal chair, legs spread, camera in hands at his lap. Waiting. His posture is too relaxed to be expecting what I am about to dish out. He sees me and lights up with excitement and curiosity. Hahahaha, oh shit. I step out from the wall and expose my wearing scrubs. He immediately stiffens his posture upright in response to having realized the seriousness of the matter. He brings a hand to his mouth, and a sound escapes his lips, as he muffles his crying. Fuuuuuuuck. I look at my feet and step forward with caution, hesitant. I’m distracted by his reaction and avoid making eye contact, or I will not be able to reach the necessary space to bring the past to the present. I stop just before entering the space and rest my head in my hand. I fight my body’s response. I’m not ready. I maintain my composure and move forward, slowly walking the perimeter of the room to avoid his distraction while I reflect.

I reach the other side of the studio and turn around to return to the space he created. He’s somehow managed to pick up his camera and follow. I step into the honeycomb light and sit on the floor with my legs crossed. I feel emotionally exposed, and I hate it, but I let it happen. I think of the untold story. I think of the paragraphs I couldn’t force myself to write. I think of the nights spent away from my dog, us equally confused without the presence of each other. I think of sights that will never be seen. I think of voices that won’t be heard. I think of footsteps pacing the long, sterile hallways. I think of yelling and loud thumps in the night. I think of medications forced to be taken. I think of being woke with a sharp prick in the crook of my arm. I think of those who visited, those who should have, and those who did not. I think of days spent alone. I think of familiar voices and their beautiful greeting as they answer my call. I think of the world outside my hospital room window. I think of a drug-induced existence. I think of history repeating itself. My cheeks are wet with tears, and I am a mixture of emotions. I bring my hands to my face and allow myself to feel it, to cry.

The past meets present, and I am caught in the in-between. I had never really left the unit. I’m lost. I don’t know where Cliff is, and I don’t care. My body is heavy and tired. I am tired. I try to resist, but I give in. I curl up on the floor, my universal sign for surrender. The floor is cold and hurts my body. I can’t get comfortable, but nothing about this is comfortable. I seek refuge in the space I’ve created, hidden behind the hair that covers my face. He steps into my vision and is with me, wherever that may be. He keeps a distance and continues to photograph my falling apart. I hug the floor and wipe my tears I as I have done many times before.

I am not alone. He sits on the floor in front of me, uncertain. Eh. I tense up. He scoots closer and put his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort. I don’t say it. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Perhaps my feeling uncomfortable stems from the fact that most times I’ve found myself hugging the floor was after I’d experience abuse at the hands of myself or others. This is new, foreign. It’s a drastic system override. I let it happen. I am pulled up off the floor and held, supported. Dissociation initiated. I become a rag doll. I want to enjoy this, and perhaps I do, but my mind cannot process kindness or anything that isn’t a painful, firm, inappropriate touch. I want it to end for my sake and his.

Time has no limit. I blurt out, “FUCK!” and explain the story behind such random profanity. I share humorous stories of my experience in an attempt to lighten the mood. He listens. I hope he feels better because I don’t. I am consumed by emotions that are demanding to be felt, intensifying with each wave. He distances himself and respects the space as I continue to silently cry. Please, leave. “I got to go and deal with the Dish people.” “That’s fine.” Avoid eye contact. Don’t let him know you are about to lose your shit. He’s not ready for a full-blown meltdown. I remain seated on the floor long after he’s left. The wave I fought crashes, and I am I ugly crying. I am angry.

I think of the scrubs, and the moment I first put them on while in the unit. Submission looks like the color blue, and there’s nothing more defeating than being forced to be someone you’re not. My words were wasted breaths of air. The more you plead innocence, the guiltier you become. The truth can’t help you when you’re surrounded by those who don’t want to hear it. It was all too familiar. Deja vu. History had repeated itself, and I thought I had broken the cycle. Too many times hope had arrived at my doorstep and knocked only to be dismissed. Hope looks like red-and-blue flashing lights announcing the arrival of a potential savior dressed in uniform. Hope didn’t come for me. I stood at the window and watched as it walked away. If anyone was to save me, it had to be me. It would always be me. Again, I had to save myself. “Play the part.” A fail-safe strategy for survival. The biggest risk was losing myself. My being forced to wear scrubs was symbolic of hope lost. They sealed my fate the moment I put them on.

I bring my hands to my face and let out a loud wail. I rock back and forth at an attempt to soothe myself. I can’t breathe. I lean forward and grab at the floor. Everything that I had suppressed has breached the surface. Emotional barfing. I’m scared. I’m scared of what I’m feeling. I’m scared because I cannot see beyond this moment. I’m scared because I have been defined by this trauma and don’t know what my life looks should I let it go. I’ve done this before, 8 years ago. Sweat-soaked clothes. Cramps. Uncontrollable shaking. All-consuming fear and the feeling of defeat. Let it out. I emotionally barf until I have nothing left. I’m cold. I pull into myself, bringing my knees to my chest. Numb. I sit and wait for the next wave. Nothing. I pick myself up and grab my flannel. I walk around the studio in an attempt to ground and bring myself to the present. I am here. He is here. My story has been written into existence.

#recovery #addict #addiction #drug addict #drug addiction #drug abuse #cutting #cutter #self harm #self injury #nssi #mental health #photography

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