#I am still crafting! I just am having trouble focusing

[amtrak-official]

About the fridging question:

Maybe you can give the dead gf more narrative impact by having her family or friends continue to talk about her and her ambitions or troubles throughout the narrative, proving that she wasn't just important to the lead character. You could also mention projects she worked on that go undone, changing the rest of the world too, like a garden that is now overgrown or craft supplies still in their packages. It can allow you to highlight the tragedy without focusing on the lead ig.

Hmm, that's a good point, I am still at the starting stages of the story but having it be clear that she affected the lives of all the character who knew her, not just the main character would definitely help to avoid making her death a fridging

[honeybeezgobzzzzz]

🗡️ Clipped Wings: Chapter Four

Clipped Wings: After living a life in seclusion due to an over protective father, you sneak away to experience life as it really is. Slowly building up the woman you always wanted to be, your quiet life is interrupted when you meet a rather elastic boy and his crew. This is just the beginning of trouble and your carefully crafted life starts to crumble around you. The past never really stays in the past, and now it has come knocking. In more ways than one.  

Warnings: Blood.

To Note: Dracule Mihawk x Reader, NAMED!FemReader, Some physical features have been given (hair & eye color).

Word Count: ~2.8k

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9 Months Since Rescue

“If you sit still it won’t hurt as much,” You chided the teen who had come to you to have a laceration stitched up. The story he had told you was that he was helping his friend with repairs to a market stall in town… but the gaggle of friends he’d brought with him told you otherwise. There were two girls in the group who appeared to be worried out of their minds yet gushing about how strong the teen was. The kid had probably tried showing off and hurt himself in the process. You’d seen a fair amount of it in your travels as a nurse and seamstress, and half of your clients end up being youth.

Of course you were still starting out in your job, you hadn’t even been on your own for a year… but the satisfaction of freedom was serendipitous. You had learned so much in your short time of travels that while you were still naive to most of the world, your thirst for the seas was never satisfied or hindered. Finishing your stitches on the teen, you wrapped it up in a few layers of gauze.

“You’re done, don’t touch or mess with it for a day,” You informed the teen who held his injured arm against his chest. “And if you want to impress a girl, don’t do stupid shit that’ll get you injured.” His face flushed and he was about to mouth off to you when you stopped him. “Girl’s that age like flowers and thoughtful gifts, don’t be a dumbass and land yourself back in my services, okay?”

He held his tongue with a grumble and dropped payment onto the table next you with a grunt before vacating his seat. Smiling as he returned to his friends, you watched the teen disappear from the doctors office.

“Ah youth, the’ve been getting more reckless as the generations go by,” The doctor you’d spent the last three months working for, complained. You pocketed the money the teen had left and chuckled.

“Doctor, they’re kids, let them enjoy themselves while they can.” You told the old coot, packing up your stitching supplies for the final time. You had signed on for a temporary stay with the doctor on Pufferfish Island while you explored the culture of this town, and with that time up, you were leaving port the next morning.

“Damn kids’ll never learn about life if they just keep gooffin off!” He continued to complain as you double checked that you had collected everything that you owned.

“Life isn’t all about working you know,” You told the doctor. “Does it not get boring only thinking about money?”

“What else am I supposed to do then? Hmm?” Looking at the doctors back, you pursed your lips and shook your head. Berries. Far too many people focused only on Berries rather than living life. It was a pity, really, because ever since you had left Esmereld Cove you had nothing but joy in traveling and exploration. You dropped your eyes to the floor and rubbed your cheek.

“Live your life the way you want to then,” You murmured before shouldering your bag. “I’m off for a final time, don’t forget to lock up the medicine cabinet. The last time you forgot the neighbors got into it.” More grumbles from the doctor and you shrugged. Oh well, you’d warned him and no longer worked with him so it was no longer your concern.

Walking down the path that led to the inner port harbor, you hummed to yourself and made the decision to have one least meal at the tavern before you headed out for your next island. You passed several houses of villagers that you had tended to and even waved hello to a few children running around. You’d miss their jubilant faces and wide smiles, but you were sure to see more on the next island.

Cresting a hill to the cobbled path leading to the busier port harbor, you stopped short when your gaze caught sight of a new ship docked. You stopped short and let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Ah, the tavern is going to be busy, isn’t it…” You complained to yourself. “Oh well, even pirates have to eat.” You continued towards the port harbor, running your hand over the hair you had pulled back. It’d grown out from short and choppy, but was only just long enough to be tamed by string. It was still very short but at least you blended in now.

Getting closer to the tavern, you could hear the villagers grumbling about pirates. They weren’t fond of them, but had no quarrels as long as they respected the island. Turning down a curvy lane, you walked swiftly with dinner on the mind. You’d skipped lunch after a bunch of school kids had gotten into a scuffle over lunch games. Unfortunately, tear filled eyes doomed your lunch and you had spent it patching up busted elbows and knees. You were a bit of a sucker at times.

You made it to the entrance of the tavern, and weaved through several men loitering around with drinks in their hand. They were the regulars, so they didn’t bother you as you passed, but one did step forwards.

“Head’s up doc,” You looked to the man that spoke. “Pirates are in, they’ve been kicking up a fuss.”

“I’m just in for a last meal,” You said, pausing in step and eyeing the tavern. “I’ll mind myself, just make sure you all don’t get yourselves into conditions I have to treat, I have a boat to catch in the morning.” Hat’s dipped and you entered the tavern with a hand raised over your shoulder. The tavern was crowded with villagers and pirates alike, but you spotted a place you could sit for dinner and began heading there.

While you weaved and were jostled around by bodies, a drunkard lurched into you sending you almost flying. A small gasp departed your lips as you fell to the side. But rather than spectacularly meet the floor of the tavern, an arm caught your back and swung you back to your feet. You tottered in place, settled by the arm and blinked at the rather bare chest of the person who had saved you from sprawling flat on your face.

“That would have been embarrassing,” You murmured to yourself before looking up. Your eyes were met with yellow ringed eyes. You couldn’t help but blurt out your first thought. “You have beautiful eyes.” Both you and the man blinked at each other. “Apologies for stumbling into you,” With that you detached yourself and slipped back into the mess of the tavern crowd, food on your mind.

You found a place to sit at the bar top near the windows showing the port harbor and sat down. While you waited for the server to come over, your mind lingered on the eyes of the man that had caught you from falling to the floor. He really did have beautiful eyes. They were also unusual, much like your own. While you were thinking of yellow eyes, a server came over to you.

You ordered the tavern special, as it would be the last time you ate it, and leaned back in your seat to relax and think. You had a ship to catch in the morning, but at the same time, you really wanted to enjoy your last night on the island. There were still a few bars you were interested in checking out based on local recommendations. You’d been too busy with work to try them out at the time but now? Now you were free. But you also didn’t want to have one hell of a hangover to deal with while shipping out. Alcohol and open sea did not mix well.

But the wine…

“Here ya go, doc,” The server announced placing your meal in front of you. “Enjoy.”

“Not actually a doctor,” You called after them, making them chuckle at your words. With a smile on your lips, you picked up your fork and began eating. You enjoyed your meal, watched as ships pulled into the port harbor for the night, and all around ignored the pirates yapping on about their accomplishment. When your empty plate was cleared and you paid for your dinner, you took up discussing wine choices with one of the servers.

You really hadn’t ever developed a taste for alcohol other than wine. That was one win Mel could have. You didn’t mind because that was something you did have experience in. It was nice that you could discuss a topic that you weren’t entirely clueless about. Not to say that you lacked education, it was just there was a big difference between book smart and sea smart, and you were endeavoring to become sea smart.

The server of course had to get back to work so you took to watching the last bits of the sun fading from the sea line. Or at least, you were watching the sunset when a stool scraping on the tavern floor alerted you to someone taking a seat next to you. Even from just the corner of your eye you could tell, it was one of the pirates.

“What is a pretty little thing like you doing all alone in a tavern like this?” You blinked and turned your head to look at the pirate.

“Getting… dinner…?” You replied in question tilting your head to the side while arching an eyebrow. “As for my solitude, it is by choice. I don’t dine with others.”

“That’s a pity,” He replied, reaching over and touching the hair ornament you had tucked into your small ponytail. You wanted to snap at him to not touch you, but your manners won out and you remained silent on the topic.

“A pity? For who exactly?” You said shortly, your eyelashes fluttering while you raised your chin in observation. “Certainly not me as I am enjoying the view. For you then? How so, there are plenty of woman in this tavern and around the village for company.”

“I don’t want their company,” The pirate continued, his touch abandoning your hair and reaching for your face. You leaned out of reach with an unamused look on your face. “I want yours, you have such pretty eyes.”

“Well I do not, please seek what you desire elsewhere.” Your calm response betrayed none of your true thoughts. “But if you require a more formal answer; no.”

“Do you know who I am?” He asked in a hard voice, narrowing his gaze at you. You blinked and answered bluntly.

“No?”

“I am Andrew of the Marked Branch pirates!” A few patrons around you winced at his thundering words.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I have absolutely no idea who you are.” He slammed his hand on the bar top next to you, eyes bulging and simmering in rage. He opened his mouth and threats poured from his lips, but you, once again, had no idea what he was talking about and just blinked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You don’t seem to understand the situation your in, little girl,” He hissed at you. Your face was passive as you grabbed your hair ornament and slammed it directly into the hand he had pressed against the bar top. A high pitched scream erupted from his mouth and the entire tavern fell silent.

“It appears that you seem to have trouble understand the word no,” You calmly stated, surprised at how deep the hidden blade in the hair ornament had gone. You weren’t the strongest of woman and yet it had suck into the wood of the bar top. “I said no, leave it at that. Yes?”

Eyes that had once been bulging and simmering with rage… were now filled with fear and pain. The pirate whimpered, caught between wanting to yank his hand away and leaving it be. Your knife really was lodged good and deep.

“I am not a woman who likes repeating herself. Have I made myself clear?”

“Okay okay! Just take it out! Take it out!” He howled at you. Pleased that he had acknowledged your wishes, you went to take the knife out, only to find it difficult. You tugged on it a little harder and the pirate howled. Sighing, you used both hands to sharply yank on the hilt of the knife, it took several sharp tugs before you actually managed to get it out. Once the blade was clear of wood and flesh, the pirate staggered back and ran off, tail tucked firmly between his legs.

Chatter slowly returned to the tavern and you used a nearby napkin to wipe the blood from your hair ornament. You weren’t going to let that pirate ruin your evening, but you had to admit that your mood was soured by that interaction. Just as you were cleaning the last bits of blood from your blade, a voice called out from behind you.

“Well that was unexpected but it certainly made my night more interesting.” You were once again blinking, but this time it was at the man with the beautiful yellow eyes. He was looking at you with amusement dancing within his eyes and the curve at the corner of his mouth echoed what his eyes told.

“I do not appreciate pushy men who do not listen,” You stated simply, wiping your knife one last time before returning it to your hair. “I came here to enjoy a meal, not be harassed.”

“Clearly, yet you look like you’ll be blown over by a mere gust of wind.” Your eyes flashed with fire at his words and you nearly growled.

“I will not,” You answered hotly, your words only seemed to amuse the man further and he waved down a server with but a finger wave.

“You are a fiery little one, aren’t you.” He said as he leaned against the bar top. You glared at him for making such obvious fun of you and huffed indignantly as he spoke to the server that came over. Two wine glasses were pulled out and placed between you, then a bottle of wine.

“Two glasses?” You broached, eyebrow arched.

“You went to the trouble of taking out the trash,” He explained, pushing one of the glasses towards you. “You also seemed to be a woman of refinement?”

A glass of wine was a glass of wine. You grabbed the stem and brought the wine to your nose to sniff. You were instantly surprised. Most patrons bought out the classics and regular wines on the menu, this was one of the more refined brands. A brand that you partook in while living on Esmereld Cove. You had only the best there.

“And you the same,” You echoed before taking a sip of the wine and sighing in satisfaction.

“Now then, what is a lovely lady with such tastes, doing on an island like this.” You set your glass down and ran a finger around the rim.

“I’m a traveler,” You started, turning your eyes to the ocean in front of you. “I travel for work as a nurse and seamstress so I can experience the world. I grew up exceedingly sheltered so now I am trying to visit as many islands as I can to learn about what it means to live.”

“To live,” He repeated. That was such a… simple desire and yet you were being entirely truthful. You nodded thoughtfully before your brow scrunched.

“Speaking of which I never caught your name,” You mused, cocking your head to the side.

“Mihawk,” Mihawk answered you, waiting for a reaction for surely you had heard of him. You studied him for a moment, your face remaining unchanged.

“Mihawk,” You repeated thoughtfully. You hadn’t heard that name before, but then again you were still fairly new in your explorations. “Hmm, it’s nice to meet you Mihawk, I am Vee.”

Oh now you were starting to get really interesting.

Mihawk chuckled and took a sip of his wine, amused that you didn’t even know who he was. It was rather refreshing.

“Vee,” He echoed, observing you closer. You had black hair simply pulled back, a frame that was too skinny in his opinion, and violet eyes he’d only seen a few other times. Violet eyes that he’d never seen in the East Blue before. He had little interest in woman at his current age, but the way you stared at him before complimenting his eyes and then moving on had been the most peculiar thing to happen in twenty years.

“Yes,” You said, picking up your wine glass once more. “Now, you don’t exactly seem like the type interested in life stories so I won’t bore you with it.”

“But we were just getting to the interesting part,” Mihawk drew out, getting comfortable where he leaned and interested in broaching for more. You lightheartedly chuckled and raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t want to hear my life story,” Mihawk’s lips twitched.

“Oh but I do,” Staring up into Mihawk’s yellow eyes, you contemplated his words for a few moments before shrugging. What’s the worst that could happen?

Date Published: 10/10/23

Last Edit: 10/10/23

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[teecupangel]

IDEA

Disclaimer: Fantasy Life (a 3ds game) is relatively unknown and I doubt that you know it. If you do, tell me please I have put 164 hours into this game and have no friends who know it. If you don’t, just ignore this ask, the story and game are complicated and don’t waste your time trying to figure it out for a tumblr ask. Backup question: what’s your favorite dinosaur?

Now, Fantasy Life idea:

Desmond AND Altair, Ezio, and Ratonhnhaké:ton all wake up in Fantasy Life in the place of the pov main character.

I think Altaïr would go for an Alchemist life before pivoting to do all the crafting ones. Get level 15 dagger skill so fast tho.

Ratonhnhaké:ton i think would initially go for Hunter life but mayyyybe the Wizard life would draw him in. He’d also be the most well rounded in terms of weapons even if he thinks it’s bullshit he can’t use a high level sword and shield.

Ezio im honestly not sure about. He might go for Paladin for the weapon style but I could honestly see him wanting to be a gatherer life instead. Or maybe a crafter.

Next to Ezio, Desmond would still probably switch the most. I have zero clue what he’d choose first he’d probably choose something out of panic at first and end up an Angler or smth lol.

During the story: Ezio tries and fails repeatedly to woo Yuelia, you can’t change my mind. Desmond finds it hilarious that he died due to problems with the Sun and now he’s having problems with the Moon. Altaïr is somehow the one keeping them all on track but also is the highest leveled in any and all of the skills he’s focusing on. Somehow, some way, impossibly, Altair makes a philosophers stone before they even make it to Al Maajik. Ezio is thrilled when he sees the Azure Rose and Rose Shield and uses them even if he has access to better weaponry. Ratonhnhaké:ton gets a dog from all three regions. Desmond immediately realizes they need the home in the Shopping District to hold all their stuff. Desmond unlocks the majority of the Bliss. Desmond at some point becomes a Cook. At least for a little bit.

I’ve got more but I think that’s enough.

I did not know about this but, considering it’s a Level 5 game, I am not surprised. Level 5 games tend to go under the radar with word of mouth being their best source of publicity (unless you get a super hit like Ni no Kuni).

It does remind me of Rune Factory a bit though. I would have tried it but the 3DS shop is already down. Oh, there’s going to be a new game for the Switch though, apparently, so we’ll see XD

I think you’re spot on with their life choices, especially Altaïr. He looks like the type of person who would craft lots of bombs and chuck them all to the enemies with his team wondering if this is Altaïr’s way of destressing and if they should be worried? Altaïr would probably try out Blacksmith too considering he did reworked the Hidden Blade and created the Hidden Gun. Did he recreate them in this world as well? Yeah, probably. It’s Altaïr.

No notes for Ratonhnhaké:ton, could totally see him going for Hunter first before branching out to check the other lives just to get a feel if any of them would be interesting in his eyes.

Ezio would go for Paladin at the start until he realized that he didn’t have to focus on fighting anymore. Sure there was the whole ‘the world is in trouble’ plot going on but he’s not alone in this and they have allies they can rely on. Ezio would change to something more chill like a Woodcutter, Angler or Tailor. He’s trying out the more chill lives to see which one he would enjoy and he’s happy that being a Farmer isn’t an option because he believes farming would just remind him of how much he misses his family.

Desmond would pick Mercenary first because Ezio had already picked Paladin and Ratonhnhaké:ton picked Hunter so he thought he’d pick the last remaining combat class. He doesn’t know magic so he didn’t pick Wizard. Also, he expected Altaïr to pick Wizard and Altaïr picking Alchemist is what made Desmond slowly start to realize the same as Ezio, that he doesn’t have to pick a ‘combat’ life. Sure, the first time he started to cook was when Altaïr invented protein bars (wtf) and Desmond needed to put his foot down because he is not going to eat protein bars for the rest of his life (Ezio was still in his Paladin phase). The reason why Ezio didn’t pick Cook is because Desmond eventually settled on a Cook life because he enjoyed cooking. There’s a kind of control in it that he didn’t have before and, also, this way, he can be sure his ancestors actually eat (especially Altaïr who tend to forget he needs to eat when he’s in a middle of experimenting).

I feel like in the end of this entire thing, Altaïr would have managed to recreate an Apple of Eden (which he just throws at Desmond because Desmond is a cook. Desmond is offended and wanted to hit Altaïr with his frying pan) and the Armor of Altaïr (which he gives to both Ratonhnhaké:ton and Ezio).

(Feel free to add more. I read TvTropes for this one hahahaha)

(I think it would be Archaeopteryx mainly because they’re supposedly around the size of a magpie and looks like the midway point of a dinosaur and bird looks like.)

[shivunin]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @greypetrel---thanks, as always! 💗

Tagging in turn (no pressure!) @star--nymph @ndostairlyrium @daggerbean @zenstrike @blightbear @inquisimer @dreadfutures @dungeons-and-dragon-age @nightwardenminthara @vakarians-babe

First, Warden scarf update: Progress is much quicker now that I am working on a more standard stitch. I am really enjoying the silver next to the blue and looking forward to the chainmail-y look it'll have as I add more rows. I am toying with trying to make an embroidered griffon, but that's an ambitious amount of embroidery for my current skill level. Still workshopping it a bit, but hoping to finish for the end of the month. Also, I finally found the right purple for the Leliana scarf, so I can finally finish that one, too!

And also, I have been working on some Baldur's Gate fic (below) as I feel out voice and dynamics:

“Back to camp?” she asked the others. 

Grumbling, they staggered their way back toward the clearing they’d chosen for the night. 

“What was it like?” Shadowheart asked, some time later. “Being a prodigy, I mean.”

Tav glanced sideways just in time to catch Gale’s grimace. The orb troubled him, she knew; he’d called himself prideful before, and perhaps losing so much of his skill had humbled him. Even so, nobody liked to have their nose rubbed in what they’d lost. Very well, then. She would take this blow much as she’d taken the arrow aimed for the wizard’s neck not half an hour earlier. 

“Lonely,” she said, finding the path before her and focusing on it. “You are held apart. Always praised before anyone else. Your peers resent you, even as they wish to imitate you. Mentors teach you your art at the exclusion of all other skills; the holes left by that sort of thing are never found until years later. One day, you realize that you are a master of your craft—this is around when everyone else has already learned how to make friends and fall in love and plan a life outside of your specialty. In this, you are woefully behind. But the acclaim—from far away, everybody loves you. They talk about you in their fine halls and in the city streets. They write poems and songs about what you’ve done.”

She sighed, still trying to find the words. 

“But by then—you never get to be a person again. It’s already too late.”

A bird sang in the tree overhead. Distracted, Tav paused and peered up at it. A simple tree sparrow, she thought. It blended almost perfectly with the branch it perched atop.

“Lovely day, innit,” the bird said, and she smiled slightly. 

“It is. The best I’ve seen in an age.” 

“You take care down there,” the bird said, peering down at them. “Big crowd of arseholes wandering round the woods these days. Burning trees, like.”

“I’ll be careful,” she promised, and the wound on her shoulder ached at the words. “Safe flight. Warm nest.”

“And you as well, mum,” the bird said, and fluttered away into the shadows of the wood. 

Tav hummed to herself, thinking about the smoke they’d seen in the distance. How far away might it be from camp? If someone really was burning the wood, they ought to do something about it before it caused even more harm than the crashed nautiloid. 

“Gods,” Astarion said, abruptly at her elbow, and she started. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say so many words at once. Did that spider knock something loose in that hard—I mean darling head of yours?” 

“Yes,” Shadowheart agreed, peering at her. “Awfully specific, too. What was it you said you did again? Before the tadpole and the crash, I mean.”

“Oh, nothing,” Tav told them, turning again to catch the last sight of the sparrow through the trees. “I’ve lived at the temple for years. I’m no one of any account.”

She started walking again. This seemed the best way to avoid the question—the other two being the ones most likely to spend long hikes grumbling than any of her other new companions. Unfortunately, Astarion kept pace with great ease. This was the trouble with all the armor, she decided unhappily. Once she got going, she could barrel right into an ogre and knock it over, but he had her beat for sheer speed. There would be no escape. 

“Oh, really?” he said. “And yet I somehow get the feeling you aren’t being entirely honest. Come now, darling, you’re among friends. Surely it wouldn’t kill you to share something. We’re all just dying to know more.” 

Something delicate and sharp crawled up her throat. Glass; always shattered glass. Tav choked it back and focused on the trees and the ground beyond. 

“We hail from the same place,” she reminded him, glancing at the pale elf from the corner of her eye. “You said yourself you don’t recognize me.”

Because she had shut herself away in her workshop for years. He almost certainly knew her name—the old one—but he would not know her now. What a blessing that was, from the hands of her Morninglord himself. How little it mattered then that she did not recognize herself when it meant that nobody else would, either. 

“I suppose I did,” he said, but his eyes remained narrow. 

“Say now,” Gale called from behind them, “about those boots you found. I think I’ve deciphered the enchantment on them. Rather clever—and simple to explain, too. You see—”

He launched into a detailed explanation not only of the boots in question, but also the method by which they might have been enchanted in the first place. Tav breathed a small, private sigh of relief and nodded to him in thanks. Gale smiled back, eyes crinkling at the corners. The topic, it would seem, had been dropped. 

For now, at least. 

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello mbti-notes, 28F ENFP here. I have written to you a few times, one of them about my relationship with my 27M INTJ boyfriend and the other about my childhood trauma regarding my ENTJ mother and how it was keeping me from pursuing my art career.

I have been on the road of Fi development and lately I have started to develop Te. Some major life events happened since the last time I wrote to you; I had gotten diagnosed with ADHD after suspecting having it for years; then, my younger cousins got diagnosed with level one autism (Formerly known as Aspergers), and after my mother conversed with their mothers, we reached the conclusion I and other members of the family are also autistic and ADHD, since I displayed symptoms of both as a child.

With this new knowledge, I have been making all the changes necessary to accommodate myself and do the best I can and pull my own weight. I am almost finishing University, and my boyfriend (he’s pretty much my husband at this point) started his doctorate and is now an art teacher at our local arts University. (those issues I had written to you prior were resolved and we have been very happy together and supportive of each other since).

I have been slowly tearing down my perfectionistic tendencies; I am no longer unhappy about my work or extremely self-critic to the point I put myself down. I have gained confidence and trust in myself and handling problems, crafting solutions, planning (even if short-term) and improvising. I have been re-enganging my Ne in a healthy manner, focusing on my projects and progress instead of being scattered and wanting to do everything and anything.

Despite that, and all the growth I have done already, I feel that I have an unsurnamable mountain of obstacles to pass through. Over the last year, I have realized just how little my ISTP, probably autistic and bipolar father and ENTJ, probably ADHD mother completely failed to prepare me for life. I was emotionally neglected, made a scapegoat for their problems, made to pick up after myself because of my autism and ADHD being seen as failures of character instead of disabilities.

They saw I was intelligent, and rationalized it as “not needing help”; then, when my problems with executive disfunction and organization started flaring up due to their neglect, they yelled and blamed it on me, worsening the situation. I grew up with no understanding of boundaries; I wasn’t allowed to advocate for myself and everytime I tried I was yelled at; I wasn’t allowed to discover myself and my identity properly so I clinged to my special interests like a moth to a flame; I was shamed for my way of functioning and that impeded me of developing proper knowledge of myself and what I needed.

I now notice my social differences, my trouble dealing with and regulating emotions (and why I put off dealing with them), and my lack of social skills and differentiating levels of relationships. I feel angry that the time I needed to be using to deal with these issues, during adolescence and early adulthood, was taken away by autistic burnout, depression, and dealing with a disfunctional family who had no idea how to care for me and never tried to, and spent pursuing bad relationships, hyperfixations and changing interests, all the while not being able to put effort into what I really wanted because of the shame and judgement they placed on me.

I have been trying my best to pick up the slack, but it’s hard. I can see now how I was unjustly punished for my differences my whole life. I finally understand now why people get upset with me with things like being unable to regulate tone or asking clarifying questions (when I’m just trying to understand them).

I have accepted myself; I know my difficultities now and I know what I have to do to regulate myself, but I still can’t stop feeling angry at this injustice. I do my best to be proactive and helpful in the communities I join and make friends, but people will turn on me the moment I do something impulsive like vent to chat about my parents doing something rude to me that day (which happens regularly). The bridges I put effort into building get destroyed in minutes, and I feel like all my progress is undone.

Family is a tricky issue for people, I get it. There are different times and places to say things, I get it. But It still happens. I know the way to fix it would be to leave, but due to the housing crisis, inflation and my expenses of trying to finish my degree, I can’t move out of this place and still currently live with them. Rent is unnafordable, my boyfriend is going through his degree and busy, and I’m already at capacity fully comitting myself to art and doing the best job I can with chores and house stuff.

I know my parents have issues and I try my best do understand and be empathethic, but they aren't doing anything to get better or to resolve them. My dad is on disability and unemployment aid right now, he does minimal chores and watches TV and sleeps all day. My mother is a pre-school teacher and constantly overworks herself because that's how she learned to get through life.

A few months ago, my mom almost ended her marriage because in her words, she developed a "platonic crush" for another man. It was a huge fight, and one they tried to drag me into. When they're not having outright fights, they act lovey-dovey; but they soon have another nasty fight, and the cycle goes on.

My dad is extremely misoginistic, judgemental, and cynical. Everytime he tries to engage me in conversation, I act uniteresting so he leaves me alone. I am uncapable of building a relationship with them after all they did to me.

I just can’t stop feeling I got dealt a sh*tty hand in life and there is nothing I can do about it. I realize this is Si grip talking, but this enviroment completely kills all my optimist, motivation and will to move foward in life, and I’ve been doing this dance for way too long and just want it to end once and for all so I can keep progressing. I know I’ve already come a long way, but I can’t stop feeling it still isn’t enough, and I’m afraid that feeling won’t ever go away. So I turn to you for guidance on what to do.

Currently I am sitting on a few unfinished projects (a comic and animation) that will be my portfolio só I can start working while I finish my degree. My parents are paying for the remainder of it (honestly, the least they could do after the horrible lifetime they gave me) but I plan to start paying for it myself as soon as I get some work. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm doing everything to try and make things better, but I feel like they never will, and I don't know how to deal with that.

----------------------

Whenever people tell me about how they're making progress, even trying to develop lower functions, but also suffering from inferior grip, the alarm bells go off in my head, because it usually indicates some form of troublesome denial. In terms of type development, inferior grip is one of the most serious signs that something is not right psychologically.

I never want to poopoo on people's efforts to improve. I definitely believe that you've been putting forth your best efforts. However, if the outcome is inferior grip, it means there's a problem with your approach or method.

The way that you're stuck in blaming your parents for your misfortunes is not just a sign of Si grip, but also Te loop. If you're suffering from Te loop, it means Fi development hasn't progressed to the point where you are ready for Te development. Being a lower function, trying to develop Te when you're not ready is only going to exacerbate Te loop and eventually lead you into Si grip.

I won't deny that the people around you every day have a big influence over you. As a Feeler, their moods can easily affect yours. When that happens, the best thing to do is to draw up boundaries, to try to shield yourself from those negative influences as much as possible. However, what you've done is the opposite.

You've been drawn into the negative influence through blaming them, fighting back (mentally), judging them for their flaws, indulging pointless "what if" scenarios about your past, etc. In short, you have been swallowed up by the negativity partly because you didn't do enough to protect yourself from it. This is related to Fi development because Fi should inform you about what is needed for self-protection.

Now, since you find yourself in a hopeless place and can't accept the feelings of helplessness, the recourse is Te loop. You wish to actively "correct" everything that you perceive is "wrong". However, this is a futile endeavor. Why? Because those things are not for you to correct. You have overstepped/violated boundaries by wanting to solve problems that aren't your responsibility. This only serves to entangle you in them.

You mom and dad's flaws, your mom and dad's relationship, are none of your business, but you are all up in there. Even if they try to involve you, as an adult, you have the power to refuse. Because you care about them, it's hard for you to refuse, but refuse you must. That's what it means to draw healthy boundaries.

Yes, it's tragic to have been deprived as a child. One thing you realize more and more deeply as you get older (especially if you have children of your own) is that parents are human, their knowledge is limited, and people can only do the best they can based on what they know. Many, many people are ignorant about psychological issues because they have had no opportunity to learn about them. What's worse, sometimes what they have learned is misinformation or outdated information based on what was being taught when they were growing up.

I say this not to excuse the bad things that parents do, but to foster empathy for the fact that people can't do better when they don't know better. You are the same. You didn't think to change your behavior or didn't know how to do it in the right way until you learned about ADHD. You live, you learn.

Empathy for others starts with empathy for oneself. Instead of pitying yourself or being angry about your past, healthy Fi should prompt you to express empathy for your struggles today. There aren't enough signs that you possess this depth of empathy, which indicates Fi development has a long way to go yet. It's hard to feel empathy when you're in the thick of negativity, but that's the time when it's most important to practice it.

An important part of having empathy for yourself, aka self-compassion, is allowing yourself to move at a realistic pace in life, a pace that takes your challenges into fair consideration, rather than always trying to live up to unreasonable ideals. Feeling "not good enough" and being afraid of that feeling never going away is directly related to Fi development and lack of self-acceptance. You must accept the truth of yourself and the facts of your situation before you can move forward in a meaningful way.

Also, if you find yourself speaking inappropriately or not giving enough consideration to social context when your feelings get too big, it means you haven't done enough to set up a good social support system and create more appropriate opportunities to explore your personal issues. Expecting parents or colleagues to give you support that they are not capable of giving is basically wasting energy barking up the wrong tree. In other words, don't look for love in all the wrong places. This is related to Fi development in terms of doing what it takes to care well for your well-being.

You are well into adulthood. At some point, it has to be fully your responsibility to craft the life you want. By continuing to blame your parents for not living up to your ideals, you are the one keeping yourself tied to past unhappiness, rather than moving forward. It is a choice you make.

I always say that forgiveness isn't about other people. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It's not good for you to live in a state of resentment, anger, or hate. It's not good to keep revisiting and rehashing such emotions on an endless loop. Therefore, you have to learn to forgive the mistakes of the past so that you can have the emotional stability necessary to focus on improving your life today and into the future.

Forgiving your parents for being the imperfect human beings that they are is difficult but necessary, not for their sake, but for yours. You can set yourself free from the past at any time through learning how to be more accepting, empathetic, and forgiving, which is very much tied to Fi development. This would be a healthy way of lifting yourself out of Si grip and mending your mental health.

[thelocalmuffin]

"making suggestive dirty jokes" with asoryuu for the prompt ask? if u wanna of course!

Oh boy.

I admittedly am a terrible flirt IRL so I hope this is alright.

Title: Is that Karuma or are you excited to see me?

Word count: about 800 words

Summary: After a long week, Ryunosuke comes home to see Kazuma cooking and they catch up about the day before one gets a bit flirty.

Tags: domestic life, minor mentions of angst, post canon, dgs 2 spoilers, fluff, based on a headcanon by my friend Sigma that Kazuma didn't make it too far as a prosecutor

Finally, the weekend has arrived. Ryunosuke can finally decompress from the horrible week he had. He's glad he's finally realised his dream of becoming a lawyer, but no one told him how exhausting it would be.

Case after case, client after client, complaint after complaint, he's done with this awful day. He really could use some time to decompress.

When he gets back to his small home, there’s a strong aroma of a delicious dinner being crafted in the kitchen. He's grateful that dinner is about ready. It's one less thing he has to worry about.

He pokes his head to see Kazuma finishing up dinner. He’s in one of his casual hakamas, biting his lip as he focuses on cooking. It’s a new hobby of his. Ever since he’s returned home he's been dutifully trying to make up for all the trouble he's caused.

Not even six months after they crossed swords, Kazuma had been removed as a prosecutor. From Lord van Zieks' letter, apparently they both started getting a little too curious of what else the Crown had been hiding. When they were caught, Kazuma took the brunt of the accusations and was immediately fired.

Apparently, the new Lord Chief Justice also had not been thrilled at the aspect of a Japanese student studying underneath the Crown, so it was the golden opportunity to rid of the apprentice.

He was a wreck when he came home. Kazuma looked so defeated that all Susato-san and Ryunosuke could do was embrace their friend. After wrapping their arms around both, Kazuma asked if he could have a place to stay as he got back on his feet.

Even though it hadn’t been long, Ryunosuke offered his home to a struggling friend. It had first been just two roommates, but soon, the subtle romantic feelings had resurfaced and their passionate flame sparked after a night of shogi and a very heavy heart-to-heart. The conversation was both admitting their flaws and dreams, realising their bond had been strained, not damaged and it could be fixed.

So, they've been taking it slow. Well, as slow as two lovesick individuals who couldn't keep their hands off each other, anyway

Even so, Kazuma’s been determined to make up all he’s done to Ryunosuke and Susato-san with his freetime. Be that by helping around the house, running errands, or whatever he can do to make their lives easier as they adjust to their new busy schedule. If he’s not here, he’s helping clean up Susato-san’s home to make sure she doesn’t come home to a mess.

Today he was supposed to be elsewhere, though…

“Home early?” Ryunosuke asks as he pokes his head in. “I thought you were going to the university to see if you could continue your courses.”

“Hmm, lost track of time again, I see. You’re actually home late. It’s almost nine.” Kazuma hums, flipping the fish. “You look exhausted. Sit down and I’ll take care of you.”

Nine...

Ryunosuke glances at the clock, realising Kazuma is right.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve been sitting all day. I'd rather stand.” Ryunosuke shrugs the suggestion off. Kazuma’s still pretty curt, as per usual. “I want to help out.”

“There’s no need for that. I’m almost done anyway.” Kazuma opens the rice steamer, raising an eyebrow and closing it again after shaking his head. Without looking up, he continues. “What kept you so long?”

“We’ve been swarmed. That’s what happens when you try to fix up the entire legal system with a small team.”

“I know. You know, I could come in and help with some of the paperwork. If I learned anything from my time in London it's how to sort out cases efficiently and quickly."

“I might take you up on that. I appreciate the clean home, but Susato-san and I are swarmed.” Ryunosuke pauses. “Wait, what about-”

“Let’s not talk about how the university conference went today.” Kazuma whispers, each word peppered with defeat. His head hanging down as he exhales his next words. “I don’t want to damper the mood.”

Oh...they were not thrilled about what they learned...

“I think I can figure it out by context.” Ryunosuke swallows, moving to his partner, wrapping his arms around Kazuma’s waist. “I’m sorry.”

Kazuma’s head hangs down before exhaling. “It was a natural consequence of my actions. I’ll figure out what to do. I always do.”

“Well, you can work with us until you find a new fitting.”

Kazuma pauses, then nods. “Of course. I wouldn't mind at all. Saving me again, Naruhodo. What would I do without you? By this point, I’ll be indebted to you for the rest of my life.”

“Well, we got a lot of time to sort that debt out.” Ryunosuke’s hands move towards the hem of his clothes, before pressing his lips on Kazuma’s shoulders. “I jest. It’s alright. I don’t mind helping you find your path.”

It's silent as the fish sizzles in the pan and Ryunosuke closes his eyes. Kazuma's sweet vanilla lavender scent is so nice...

“Oh!” Kazuma breaks the silence before chuckling. “Is that Karuma or are you excited to see me?”

Ryunosuke pulls away, realising that Karuma’s hilt did indeed poke his arse.

He laughs before he wraps his arms around Kazuma’s waist once again, holding him closer. “Nope. Just Karuma. For now, anyway.”

Kazuma hums, a grin raising from his lips. “Mm, I like the sound of that. I think we could both use a good stress reliever after today. After we eat?”

“After we eat.”

[darekasama]

Blog introduction and greetings

Here’s my blog!

This is me (hiiii I’m darekasama, mid-20s she/her Italiaaaan)

Some post made you curious

and you came to sightsee.

I’m writing a story,

slow burn, LGBTQ 

I’m having lots of fun… and I hope you will too.

I got a fantasy world

There is magic around

Also geese (actually dinosaurs) running around!

The main duo are dudes

Both can do wild stuff

Drama that makes you go “wooo”

That’s my jam!

Aaaaaaan CUT.

Now that I got your attention by singing...

(Updated as of August 2024)

Greetings!

My nickname is darekasama (mid-20s she/her Italian) and I'm a certain someone who mostly enjoys life. My interests include but are not limited to:

writing and storytelling

drawing and art of many kinds

small crafts and general fuckery

The genre doesn't usually matter if you can pull me in, but I do have a tendency for fantasy and romance. I also think animals are neat and you can always find out something wonderful about the world around you. Big fan of communication and positivity!

I am very passionate about what I do however don't be surprised if I disappear for weeks at a time. Sometimes I'm ruminating, sometimes I'm having a fistfight with life. Metaphorically. And I'd rather keep out the bad vibes from my happy corner.

Feel free to talk to me in any capacity! Dinosaurs may bite but I don't. Questions about characters? Worldbuilding? Plotting? Random pieces of information you never got to tell someone? Come at me!

What can you find on this blog, you ask?

Anything that is tangentially included in the points above and especially stuff about my current WIP. Could be my ramblings on the outline, random bouts of inspiration, some cool sentences and snippets and on very good days I may put up a drawing too because I can do art of my own characters! Very slowly and it takes me forever, but it might happen.

I’m still figuring out how to do tags on the tumblr, some main ones for now are:

reblog          Curious what I do in my free time? Go check it out.

my blog        What I make myself. On the tumblr. Do do do dooo

my words     For my replies to other posts and replies in the tags

my writing    Look at what I can do

my art          Self explanatory

project tl       All about it, and more

Try also:

writeblr

artblr

art

dromaeosauridae

interesting

inspiration

resources

What’s the WIP about?

After an unspecified amount of time, HERE will be a different post going more in detail about the entire project. Check back later and click on that or any mention of the project to jump to it. You may recognise this WIP from the now-muted NaNoWriMo forums. Yes it’s the same.

Below is a bite-sized appetizer.

I proudly present…

Project TL

The story that has monopolised my fantasies. It is currently divided into more parts, which I do have mapped out, but as of late I’m focusing on the start.

Book 1: Runaway Heir (working title)

The main protagonist LIAM is a young noble boy who due to his mentor's untimely departure from life, instead of studying martial arts, spends his summer completely unsupervised getting his nose into the local drama, adventuring, and treasure hunting. Someone please reign him in fast.

Meanwhile, the other protagonist and future love interest TERI is in his last year of apothecary apprenticeship and encounters mostly self inflicted troubles in everyday life that he solves by running away or shapeshifting into a dinosaur, whichever works. Unfortunately, it really doesn’t.

And this is an early spoiler… they become roommates.

Featuring:

Narrators who are older versions of the main couple! Good ending is certain!

Magic items and creative problem solving/making by using them.

Teenagers. Need I say more?

Fantasy human biology & society. Let me tell you, the family trees are fun to do when parthenogenesis is involved. (Parthenogenesis: in animals it means development of an embryo from an unfertilized egg cell)

Mentions of transmigration BUT don't worry it's actually NOT the focus. It’s just for the vibes.

That’s all for now!

Go scamper around and most importantly… have fun!

[bandofchimeras]

thinking about NPD acceptance/positivity tonight. i still feel uneasy with identifying too hard with personality disorders but here's a thought:

a road block to healing mental & emotional wounding is often inability to accept due to toxic shame, that goes to the core of a person. like a huge part of NPD and other personality disorders is believing "I am X" and "X is evil/wrong/inhuman" and the logical conclusion "I am inherently evil/wrong/inhuman." therefore overinvesting in crafting an image of the self that becomes bloated and obscures actual self awareness. maintaining this image is exhausting and often impossible. especially when it is linked to moral obsessions. nothing is more disconnecting with other human beings than having intense internal pressure to maintain a delusional image of the self as good/perfect.

some folks end up "solving" this issue by inverting it and being fully honest about their shame-based image instead. it's a kind of relief, but it doesn't actually allow you to connect with people. it's Bojack Horseman. he leads with how much of a POS he is, and guess what? self fulfilling prophecy.

he's a bit more tolerable than Mr. Peanutbutter in that show but still - both characters miss out on the full truth of their humanity. Or dog-manity? horsemanity?

The shadow side and the basic fundamentals goodness of being a Being on this Earth, in everyone. In fact life is simply complicated and good/bad a somewhat arbitrary, community defined distinction.

So what does that have to do with NPD?

Well, honesty is a good first policy. But the intense self focus of the disorder, is disabling, and can lead to hurtful actions due to lack of awareness or understanding. I don't see personality disorders as value neutral due to the fact they are disturbances in the balance of human relationship. It's not the pwNPD's fault, but the way they've learned to exist causes issues. It just does. I don't think it's positive although many narcissistic people have positive traits still. They simply tend to be incapable or struggle to do the simple relational repair work of apology, sincerity and investment in others well-being. These are skills that can be learned, as the core wound of toxic shame is also addressed. It is possible to crawl out of the prison of your own mind into the sunlight.

But it is really, really hard work. And that's where personality disorder acceptance or at least just "lots of people are fucked up and it's possible for them to still learn and grow" as a movement is important.

I believe personality disorders need the same destigmatization as, for example, meth and crack. Not because yay they're great! or because everyone will and Should recover or else be deemed Inhuman and Irrdeemable, but because everyone deserves to be seen in their full humanity, and have access to what it takes to recover, even if in the end they can't beat the habit.

Because narcissism is a deep, wormy habit. For most of us, a survival habit gone awry. And for some of us, autistic people especially, we might never be able to survive without focusing a lot on ourselves and getting called narcissistic for it.

A friend talked with me about my inability to show up for them recently. I kept coming back to my intent and they told me this was hurtful too because regardless I still impacted them. And the old habit of anger and denial and splitting came up to the surface. But under it I felt a inkling of empathy, like really being able to sit and imagine what their pain felt like. That inkling gets shoved down because it brings up pain with it - pain of toxic shame and guilt, of frustration that I feel at my absolute limit and can't live up to expectations, anger with myself, fear of those selfish parts of me that don't actually give a fuck.

It challenged me to be honest.

Addicts say you know you're in trouble when you realize you have stopped caring.

So with these personality coping traits, it is similar. I'm losing my battle when I stop caring about others. And I can't care about others without caring for myself enough to at least not be in empathy burnout.

I would really like to be a person who carries extensive knowledge of machinery or plants or languages or myths or even just my friends and community. To give myself over to that and feel how good it is to let go of self image and be in passionate mutual relationship with life. Instead of cramped anxious and stuck within myself like a tangled labyrinth. Or my only area of expertise being psychology I have learned to save myself.

However at this point in life habits are setting in. I know the old cracks and quirks of my traumagenic beliefs like "reaching out to people is a nuisance" or "if I do not pretend to be perfect some terrible thing will happen" or "being liked is more important than anything" they're very well worn. but I am not sure they can be beat until I am secure enough to let go a bit, and get into some deep therapy or creative work.

it's very annoying to be run on old programming and feel unable to do anything concrete about it yet.

So yes, personality disorder neutrality is helpful. Recovery is a life long process. It upset me a lot when I first read that in a forum somewhere. I wanted so badly to be fixed and have this horrible fear and shame in my soul removed. But it's a long dirty process that you have to learn to enjoy or at least feel deeply. just like addiction recovery. Stigma only cements people in their shame and keeps them isolated.

Those are my thoughts for now. And Yes, I've been reading Gabor Mate's In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts .

[tj-crochets]

Crafting update! I’m still having trouble focusing (today I cleaned the oven and got caught up on dishes) but I am making progress! My grandma’s curtain for the window in her side door is almost done; I got the front of the curtain (equivalent of the quilt top) finished today so I just need to add the backing. I also have half a donation beanie knitted 

[tiffyfoundsomething]

So I kept getting in trouble for how loudly I type on my old keyboard...

Which was partly due to HOW I type (like a gaggle of pecking jackhammers), and the keyboard itself which was designed to make a nice clackity clackity while typing.

(unavailable, so no link)

So I did a little digging around for quieter keyboards, focusing on gaming keyboards because streamers like to have quiet keys these days, and settled on this Razor keyboard which was affordable for me.

Which is here: https://amzn.to/3x9dhw1

And yeah, it’s quieter. More of a tackatacka than clackity clackity (sad).

Also sad is that yeah, I am more of a PC gamer than console, but I haven’t had a PC that can run games in a very long time so I can’t say how well this one works for gaming. I had also thought my old keyboard was broken because it would duplicate the letter “i” often, but the Cynosa does it, too, so it must be me.

It also has lots of nice color changing options which I had to sign up for a service to be allowed to control (?????) which also allows me to put my keyboard settings on a cloud server to use on any device (????? the hell? I don’t want that....) but anyway.

A secondary feature I was looking for, which both keyboards above have, is spillproofing/washability.

I am clumsy and I often eat and craft at my computer. I also almost always have a drink nearby, so a keyboard that’s not going to die if I spill was critical.

-

The Cynosa Chroma isn’t difficult to clean, but it was getting kind of tedious having to shake crumbs out now and then because I drop stuff a LOT, and also when I eat noodles, I somehow end up with little dots of soup EVERYWHERE (clumsy!!!) and those were a little more annoying to clean off.

So I thought it would be easier to just get a cover!

which is here, and is about $12: https://amzn.to/3I58Qcc

I have NO idea whether the Chroma I have is the 1.0 or 2.0, nor do I know the difference between the two, but I did have a little trouble finding a cover. It’s kind of old.

This one, the listing states over and over to make sure you’re buying for the correct keyboard.

I agonized over that for over an hour (anxiety woo!) before being convinced that yes, this was the right keyboard for the cover and placing my order.

Now, I have a feeling people kept buying this for the wrong keyboard (US version has a different shape to some keys than every other version because we have to be special I guess) and then leaving negative feedback or demanding refunds based on all of the warnings to make sure you’re getting the right cover from the seller and because they emailed me and asked me if I was sure it was the right cover for my keyboard before they were willing to send it.

To make sure there were 0 misunderstandings I sent them a photo of my keyboard.

Anyway.

It did take some getting used to using the cover because it feels different (silicone vs hard plastic) and it muffles the key sounds a little more (booooo), but it is infinitely easier to clean than the keyboard was because crumbs and bits can’t escape down under the keys.

I just pull it off onto the desk pad and wipe it well with a Clorox wipe, but it can be washed, too.

It does also kind of dull the view of the lights and plastic but they’re still visible. The ease of cleaning was more important than appearance for me.

[deadpresidents]

A writing question if you don't mind-when you write those longer articles or essays, do you write by hand or typing? How many drafts do you normally go through? I'm trying to find my own voice as a writer and any suggestions on process would be much appreciated!

My writing process is terrible and I am embarrassingly undisciplined when it comes to writing. I barely even write anymore! It used to be so much easier for me and my problem was that I was ridiculously long-winded, but now I have trouble just getting focused enough to knock out a few paragraphs. I'd kill to go back to the days where I just started writing and everything flowed, but it's almost as if someone flipped a switch and I just ran out of power. I have no idea when things changed, but they definitely did so over the past few years.

I have no formal training as a writer. (Obviously.) I've never taken a writing class or workshop, but I wish I had done so years ago. I feel like I've handicapped myself over the years because everything was self-taught and I really could have benefited from some sort of foundation. I never learned how to outline anything or even make some sort of rudimentary plan for the topic I plan to write about. I have a couple of notebooks with various ideas that I consider writing about, but the "ideas" are usually just two or three words I've quickly jotted down to remind myself of topics I might want to explore. And I imagine that 98% of those ideas are never revisited. Like I said, I'm awful at this stuff.

When I do finally zero in on something and start writing, I just start typing. In fact, I almost always just start directly writing whatever it is that I'm writing about as a Tumblr post. I don't write anything by hand and rarely even use something like Pages or Microsoft Word. I just start making a post. Here's the really dumb part: not only do I not write numerous drafts, but I usually just sit down and write stuff in one sitting, from beginning to end. If I get stuck or lost or don't feel like I can find the right ending for what I'm writing, I'll just delete the post. I have no idea how many words I've written on Tumblr over the past 15 years (!!!), but everything I've published is just a fraction of the stuff I discarded because I wasn't happy with it or wasn't feeling it. Even the things that I didn't complete give up on are frozen in time in the drafts of my Tumblr dashboard. They are currently 128 drafts saved to my Tumblr dashboard. I couldn't even guess when (or if) I've ever revisited those drafts; it's as if I kept them around just in case I completely and utterly change the manner in which I've created content over the years. Spoiler alert: I will not.

I'm an idiot, quite frankly, and should have taken some sort of writing classes years ago. I probably would have created a ton of content if I had some sort of a foundation that allowed me to craft better stories without feeling the need to start over at the first sign of trouble. If I'm writing something else that isn't intended to be published on Tumblr, I still have a similar "process" where I try to write my piece in one sitting and toss it all if it doesn't feel right.

I implore you not to try my idiotic writing "process" at home. It's undeniably counterproductive and I wish the Men In Black would have used their little memory erasing machine on me to erase those bad habits over the years. It's shocking that I was actually able to publish as much content as I have over the years despite not having the slightest idea of how to effectively and consistently write!

With all that said, I will add this about finding your voice or your own writing style: just keep doing what feels good to you. If you enjoy writing -- as I genuinely did at one point -- it doesn't matter what other people think about your work. It's yours and unless you're taking some sort of class or working some sort of job, nobody has any right to grade what you're doing. When you start worrying about how other people are going to judge your work it starts to actually feel like work, and if writing is an important outlet for you, it's important to not let strangers get in your way. That's when it stops being fun or fulfilling and if it's not one of those things or you're not getting paid money to make the changes to your work that people think you should make, then what's the use of writing in the first place?

[cherishsscene]

Songs from my playlist that remind me of Beastars characters: Louis

This is just gonna be a small series of posts making connections to songs I like and characters from Beastars because these mfs live in my head rent free. These might not be the most accurate but this is just for fun.

Song: The Family Jewels - MARINA Character: Louis

!!SPOILERS ALL THE WAY TO CHAPTER 196 AHEAD!!

Now this song is about Marina’s relationship with her divorced parents. I think this song makes a lot of sense for Louis since a lot the series is focused on his strained relationship with his father. Marina is singing about her feeling of disconnect from her parents and feeling the need to play a role in front of others to keep their clean family image. Almost entirely of Louis’s character is him playing different roles throughout his life, both literally and metaphorically. 

With the opening lyric “I can’t break the cycle, am I just a fool?” you can relate it with the fact that Louis feels like he’s one of the people who are capable changing their society’s rules. He’s taking a different approach to this than Legosi. Louis uses his political influence while Legosi uses his natural strength. Systemic change is very slow and takes a lot of effort. There’s always going to be people that oppose you and that makes it easy to lose hope. Louis goes through the constant battle of choosing between what looks good for him and what he actually wants. Oguma frequently pushes back on Louis’s efforts in order to craft Louis into a person fit to be the CEO of Horns. This lyric connects back to Louis during the ending of the series where he cuts contact with everybody and still chooses to stay as CEO in a loveless-arranged marriage(I’m trying so hard to make sense of this ending lmao). He even says “But this is not a movie. You can’t have everything.” He feels like the only way to shape society in his vision is to comply with what is expected of him for the time being. Thus making him feel like his efforts to break this “cycle” were in vain. Even if he says he already changed the world, I feel like he doesn’t actually mean that.

I do think the connection between the song and Louis kinda falls apart with the lyric “Don’t you find it strange? Only thing we share is one last name” since Louis is adopted so him and Oguma don’t exactly share names, but you can then relate that to the only thing Louis and Oguma have in common is their species. Oguma only adopted Louis because he wanted another red deer he could pass off as his biological son. He only raised Louis for the purpose of inheriting Horns and keep the bloodline going, not with the purpose of creating a bond with him. Louis grows resentment for his father as he grows older because he’s realizing that fact more and more. Which is why Louis feels a disconnect from his father for most the series. It’s only until Louis is at the side of Oguma’s hospital bed when he realizes that his father just never really knew how to show his love. 

“Did I beat you at your own game? Typical of me to put us all to shame” I can see this as Louis frequently doing things that could stain his reputation as future CEO from the public view. He tries to hide his true thoughts in the beginning but only grows more confident as the series continues; like at first hiding his injury when rehearsing so he doesn’t show weakness to leaving everybody to join the Shishigumi to asking Legosi to eat his foot(the symbol for all the emotional damage he’s been carrying) and ect. It almost looks like he attracts trouble. His scandals grow and Oguma pushes him to go to University and form a bond with Azuki because it’s what he set for Louis. It would be shameful if the CEO’s past, from his roots in the black market to what he did for Legosi, was revealed to the public when he’s supposed to be one of the products of perfection, a wealthy family, a high education, high status, powerful marriage, ect. 

“Family said that I decided to live a loveless life. Is it my fault we stay divided?” Louis doesn’t have any blood related family but you could say he’s made his own family by the end (family that he ends up forgetting about in the end for no good reason but whatever) and we don’t get much of their personal opinions but I interpret his final train ride with Juno as her knowing this will be their last time seeing each other because Louis will have to focus on bigger things. Juno sees that Louis’s new life is completely different to the one she’s seen in the past and lets him feel something that she knows he’ll never get to experience again, a kiss with fangs. I’d imagine she knows that Louis decided to take a path he doesn’t agree with but reluctantly chose anyways; but you can say it’s not entirely his fault. People like Haru, Juno, and Legosi aren’t tied down to status or the future of a corporation so they can choose how to move forward with their lives; but Louis doesn’t get the same amount autonomy and is bound to this life he can’t negotiate his way out of. Which is showing how divided they truly are based on class and species.

“Simmerin’ sapphire can’t keep his cool” Louis has worked his entire life to move higher on the social latter even though he gets frustrated with a lot of it. When you feel like you’re living a lie you naturally start to rebel little by little. This dilemma of choosing what he wants for himself vs what is expected of him has been simmering for years. Louis was crafted to be a perfect jewel yet he doesn’t always comply with it out of spite. He forms a friends with benefits relationship with a rabbit even though he’s already engaged, starts running with the Shishigumi, gives up his foot to help aid a vigiliante, and further associates himself with said vigilante. Louis’s final act of retaliation with this life is when he talks about the most taboo topic on live TV: the Black Market. This is the moment when this sapphire finally loses his composure. 

And lastly for the lyric I think fits the best with Louis “Coal to diamond, sold to fools”. Louis started out at the bottom of society; as livestock only raised to be eaten. He was saved by Oguma who bought him and promised him a privileged life and a privileged future. Louis’s whole life is supposed to be preparation for him to take over Oguma’s legacy; from the minute he was bought to present day. Louis’s whole character was put under pressure for this, to shape him into the perfect CEO, much like with a piece of coal. Coal has to be put under intense pressure to become the beautiful jewel everybody covets. And nobody in the public eye that Louis is trying to lead knows the full extent of all the struggles he had to go through to get to his position. All they see is the new, shiny CEO of Horns who has it all. Louis knows this and makes sure he’s displaying this image to society, and they just eat it up. Even though barely anyone knows, Louis started all the way from the very bottom to the top of the social hierarchy, he’s had to mold and polish coal into diamond for his whole life. He sells a facade to a society of “fools”

Link to song, really worth a listen: https://open.spotify.com/track/4pRfzrPuKvtqYGwOJ5F6ZZ

Those are some of my interpretations of Louis’s character, this was kinda longer than expected but I hope this was worth a quick read

[seeminglyseph]

Somehow I started playing BG3 again despite being in a DAI mood based purely on the fact that I was distracted and was considering a Sorcerer/Wizard multiclass situation and became entirely focused on multiclassing a character and also just existing in “fuck around Act 1 and be a half elf with draconic sorcery again” because I am so sore and exhausted and when I go back into DAI I am reminded of the fact that I have had the time to like… build a set of characters that I like… have allowed to grow out of the bounds of canon into their own beasts. And when I go back to canon I remember “oh right fuck. All of this is about to be proven wrong by a new game. I just had like a decade to build a story of my own making because we kinda just got scraps of story development for a really long time and I just made my own in my head to tide myself over.”

Which I’m not like. Mad at, it just takes a bit of time to recalibrate to “right, all my headcanon lore needs to be forgotten because the real lore is actually going to be updated and I can’t get confused when the characters and story I created to keep the adventure going don’t exist and the lore I made up isn’t real.”

Which feels like. So stupid in its own way, but like… DAI came out in 2014, trespasser came out in 2015. I’ve had time to like… construct my own narratives that serve storylines that just… exist for me. I know they’re self indulgent, and honestly for a while there the Dragon Age fandom scared the shit out of me so I didn’t want to write it all down and share it because I knew it was self indulgent and I didn’t really want to like… get in trouble for it. And people got in trouble for some very mild things in the DA fandom. And if you say there isn’t you’re lying because it has a fuckin’ reputation. I’ve known multiple people uninterested in the series based entirely on the toxic sludge that comes with the fandom’s reputation.

I mean maybe you also might have been lucky enough to just keep entirely to yourself and your isolated group of friends without being bothered by other people and if so like. Congratulations, you managed to get through Dragon Age without the sludge. That’s beautiful. Many were not so lucky.

I am sitting outside again and therefore just shit talking on my phone instead of any of the things I am declaring myself to be doing. I’m like. Mega sore and feel like shit so like… I guess I’m just like… grouchy.

Plus one of my OCs did have a fraction of June’s soul in him so like. I always knew that a new game would come out and be like “no bitch you can’t have soul fragment of the Evanuris without knowing that canon will take this from you ultimately” it just does feel weird to have lived in the nebulous world of “nothing exists so nothing is incorrect” to suddenly be like… “oh, right. There is going to be a canon and there will be answers as to how Solas’ character arc is resolved and who the Evanuris are.”

And like. It’s wild but I’m kind of anxious about that because like… I’ve spent so much time just… speculating and daydreaming and living in a world of *not* having a new Dragon Age game, that now it’s like… “fuck I need to let go of the Dragon Age I built in my mind and try not to let that inform my opinion of the game.”

Because like… Self Indulgent Daydream Dragon Age and Veil Guard are never gonna be the same universe. And like. SID is fully just tailored heroic and romantic scenes about OCs that make me feel really cool in my head. It’s shallow and pointless but emotionally satisfying and hardwired into my attachment to Dragon Age. But Veil Guard is like… gonna be coming in at a severe disadvantage if I compare it to like. A story I made up in my head specifically to cater to me and my wants in the moment I was crafting the story for myself. Which is like. So deeply unfair to like. Everyone involved with the series.

Also I still blame EA and not BioWare for like 90% of the business issues. Like. It feels really clear that the issues are happening higher up the ladder and someone’s getting scapegoated. Part of the evidence being the attempt to avoid paying appropriate Canadian severance packages. While Canadian companies can be plenty scummy, makes a little more sense if an American overhead felt that they could just keep cutting costs with their Canadian company with Canadian grants, and then while laying off Canadian workers they didn’t want to also pay Canadian severance packages because like. The whole point of having a satellite company in Canada is to cut costs. It’s really annoying to pay more to people that don’t even work for us anymore, like fuck. We couldn’t even have a successful Montreal branch like what are we even doing you guys. They have so many tax breaks you guys.

I am kind of stoned now maybe and kind of grumpy. And just throwing like. Rocks at hornets nests probably lmao.

Or just yapping. I’ve been sitting here talking so long I don’t think anyone’s gonna read it. Lost messages in recipe blogs etc etc

[namelesschurch]

Weekly update:

After getting "dog'd", I seem to have gained plenty of sloth from it. I have not been able to discern my particular species of dog.

It is troubling that the World Boundary did not block that magic, but at the same time, I think it will only block that which is directly harmful. That implies the Boundary has some ability to judge - perhaps a degree of intelligence?

It is tiring to focus. Rather just sleep. Waiting for Lev to come home. Maybe she'll come back this weekend. Show her that I am the dog that I know I always was instead of the fox she always claims that I am. That'll be nice.

The thoughts are going to be a bit disordered. Focusing as a dog is difficult.

---

The "Find Mokuba" crew. Crowley and Sarandiel have updated me on the situation. She and Siege and Comet are helping. There has not been any change in the Find Mokuba crew beyond their imprisonment into Virtual Reality Capsules? Given Lev was able to send a message, it is Minor-World-like, though she hasn't sent a message after.

Part of this is due to the 1 month ban that sketchyonlooker put on her for using the Indirect Chat wrongly. Still not sure who that it is. I thought it was the name of a Blank Canvas, but that does not seem to be the case as bringing it up to Chi gently did not yield any knowledge about it. The BC's seem ignorant, though they always act like that when they don't care about something.

Stil, the fact that she still registers online as < Mistral > is promising. She'll be fine. Everyone will be fine. Just gotta have Faith.

---

penofdamocles: Mads has accompanied me on my dog escapades, but I'll talk about that later. I'll start at the beginning of the week. It seems that having the shelter in the inn has worked for his mood - everyone's mood admittedly. His healing ability is pretty impressive on the stray animals - able to heal very acute injuries without a mark, which makes sense given if I recall.. he described his ability as some sort of temporal regression?

It doesn't work on malnutrition though, but my vets aren't for show - and Mads did most of the hard work anyway. We've put most of the animals that need more TLC on a special diet to expedite their healing. Most of those that have been healed have already left. Only some of the older ones, I suppose tired of a life on the streets, have stuck around. Luckily the animals that are attracted to the Inn are sapient and intelligent enough to sense its strangeness. It won't take much to train them to do the basic things like going outside to use the bathroom, bark at intruders, and of course sheepherding.

What am I talking about?

Anyway, when Mads accompanied me on my dog escapade, we went to the arts and crafts store, and it seems he is especially sensitive to the wooden mannequins, particularly if they are visible as such. He does not seem to have trouble with those that are online or already painted? He didn't seem to have trouble with the toymaker's final design either.

He also seems to be sensitive to the wood blocks, so things that can be made into mannequins. I forgot to inquire further - nor was it a proper venue to ask anyway - given that we went for ice cream and I completely forgot about it.

--

dragmaballs (Aloisia) and plushwave (Rose): They seem to share a universe. Possibly in the same house too. They come from a world where Communism is apparently Green, there was a revolution some time ago which made the nobles ex-, and a bunch of other interesting items that I will need to further evaluate.

Aloisia is someone I've been getting along with. Can't tell if it's because we have the same sense of humor that I'm not particularly allowed to express in my reality's public or just her rambunctious nature. We're gonna be part of a gang, apparently with plushwave if she is the second.

plushwave has an incredibly dry sense of humor with a tendency towards absurdist humor. She is a toymaker who seems popular, given that companies want her work, and she seems good with both handcrafting and the equivalent of 3-D printing in her world. I learned that the stuff Mads and I got in the craft store all went to her. She's been willing to play along with jokes despite the dryness, so not sure if she's one of those with a cold exterior, warm interior or something else.

----

thunderclapd (Æthelthryth) and cazadoradeluna (Myrah): Another pair that shares a shared universe, except this one seems to be more along the lines of their universe's defending force aka Guardians. Æthelthryth is as rambunctious as they come, and from what it sounds like, a handful for their more grumpier caretaker cazadoradeluna.

Their world sounds rather fascinating with something that sounds like resurrection into their role as a Guardian. At least that's the corollary.

---

Erna and Kalim seemed to have interacted, and Kalim appears to be the proud owner of a Carbuncle, which appears to be an unkillable summon. Let us hope that stays true.

---

dill-emma: I've been following this particular account, partially because I keep seeing that account with respect to all the multiversal Gothamites that I know. It is like watching a train wreck that I can do nothing about. Recently, the girl has lost her memory, and... people have been accommodating, even if they don't necessarily like her. She isn't one of my people, so I don't feel the obligation - but she seems fairly young, doesn't she? I don't know what to do. Unfollowing would probably make me feel better, and I know she has a support system that doesn't quite like her - and an even bigger support system supporting that support system. But at the same time, it just means I'll see the other stuff related to her without getting the full picture. Maybe I'll just say hello and test the waters?

[dyk3medown]

study buddy

eddie munson x reader

summary: a study session with eddie quickly takes a turn after you decide to reward him for getting the right answers

warnings: fem reader, smut, friends to lovers, unprotected sex, kinda fluffy especially at the end, mentions of Wuthering Heights (yes that deserves its own warning)

a/n: apparently i am unable to write an eddie fic where his hair pulling kink isn’t mentioned at least once. this is gross and fluffy at the end but i couldn't figure out another way to finish it so. also i haven’t read wuthering heights in a few years so please excuse me if my analysis is a bit off lmao.

smut under the cut <3

Contrary to popular belief at Hawkins High, Eddie Munson is not dumb. Sure, he’s in his third year as a senior, but this year he’ll graduate; he just knows it. You think so too and are determined to get him to pass his English class, the one he’s failed multiple years in a row. He’s actually really smart, he just needs a little help channeling his intelligence into academics rather than crafting an elaborate DnD campaign.

You’re sitting in Eddie’s room, trying to help him study, but his mind keeps wandering, and you’re having trouble getting anything substantial done.

“Look,” you sigh, “we’re getting nowhere with this.”

You bite your lip, pondering an idea for a second. “What if I… give you an incentive?”

You don’t mean it to be, but your tone is slightly suggestive. Eddie’s eyes widen, and you watch his adam’s apple bob in his throat as he visibly gulps. “What, uh, what kind of incentive?”

“You can pick, I want it to be effective.”

“Why don’t you take off some of your clothes every time I get an answer right,” Eddie jokes, grinning at you.

“Okay.” Your face remains serious as you feign nonchalance, despite the nerves wracking your body. There’s always been some tension between you and Eddie, and you frequently jokingly flirt with each other, but this is taking it to a whole new level.

“Wait, what?” Eddie’s smile has turned decidedly more nervous.

“I said okay.” You repeat. “I told you to choose an incentive and you did.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Unless you want to pick something else?”

“No!” Eddie exclaims loudly out before bringing his voice to a normal volume. “No, that’s fine, we can do the uh, clothes thing.”

You let a small smile through your stone-faced facade. He’s so cute when he’s being a dork.

“First question,” You clear your throat and look up from the paper. “What is one thing symbolized by the ghosts in Wuthering Heights?”

Eddie thinks for a moment before responding. “An absence of, uh, closure? And the lingering presence of the past?”

“Yes, Eddie, that’s really good!” You beam at him.

You reach down and tug off your socks, shooting him a stern look when he makes a sound of protest. “Socks count! Get another question right and you’ll get something better.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Eddie replies cheekily, giving you a mock salute.

You ask him another question, and he gets that one right as well. You shed your jacket, now just in a shirt and shorts. If he keeps this up, you’re going to be very naked very soon.

“Next question.” Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, and Eddie’s gaze flickers to your mouth before snapping back. “What point does Brontë demonstrate about revenge through Heathcliff’s character?”

Eddie’s brow furrows as he tries to think. After a minute, he throws his hands up in defeat. “I don’t know.”

“C’mon Eddie, you got this.” You give him an encouraging smile. “Think about the end of the story, how Heathcliff died and how he felt.”

“The point is, um, revenge won’t give us what we want?” You motion for him to continue. “Heathcliff gets his revenge and is still miserable before he dies. So, uh, focusing on the events of the past only prevents us from achieving happiness in the present?”

Eddie looks unsure, but you nod, clapping your hands together excitedly. “Exactly! You’re doing so well, Eddie, you’re going to destroy this test.”

You both look at each other silently for a second before you realize. “Oh, right.” You pull your shirt up over your head, and you can hear Eddie’s breath hitch as your bra is revealed.

You put it on the ground next to you, feigning nonchalance, but your heart is racing. Goosebumps rise on your skin, but you’re not sure if it’s from the slight chill in the air or the weight of Eddie’s stare on your chest.

“Hey!” You snap your fingers in front of his face, and his eyes shoot up to yours, not even having the decency to look embarrassed. “Let’s keep going, okay?”

You continue to quiz him, and to your pleasant surprise, he gets most of the questions right. After some stalling - taking off my necklace counts, Eddie! - you end up in just your bra and underwear, sending a silent thank you to the universe that you had picked out something cute that morning.

Eddie is clearly affected by your state of undress. His hands grip white-knuckled onto his thighs as if he’s physically restraining himself from touching, you or himself you’re not sure. You’d been politely ignoring the way his pants had tented, but now you’re finding it hard not to look.

With all the blood in his body directed far from his brain, it’s really a miracle he managed to answer so many questions correctly.

You force yourself to look back at your list of questions. “Last question,” you inform Eddie, your voice wavering just slightly.

He gets it right.

Locking eyes with Eddie, you reach behind your back to unclasp your bra, letting the straps fall down your arms until it falls to the floor. His eyes darken as more of your skin is revealed, breaking eye contact to gaze hungrily at your chest. You fight the urge to cover yourself. Part of you is incredibly embarrassed, but another part preens under his attention, loving how his breathing has turned ragged from watching you undress.

“Why don’t you ask me one more question?” Eddie asks you, leaning forward slightly. “But this time I want a new incentive.”

Gone are all the traces of Eddie’s familiar goofy behavior, now replaced by a simmering intensity that threatens to overwhelm you.

“What do you want?” You’re replying to his question, but in reality, you’re asking much more than that.

“If I get it right,” Eddie’s fingers twitch on his thighs, “I get to touch.”

You inhale sharply, pulling your knees up to your chest as you consider. The tension in the room has reached a fever pitch, and if you keep going, if you take that leap, you know there’s no way you’ll be able to stop.

“That okay, princess?” Eddie has moved closer in your moment of contemplation, now close enough to place his hands on your knees and push them down, exposing your chest once again.

“Yeah, that’s okay.” You clear your throat and try to formulate a new question.

“When was Wuthering Heights first published?”

It’s an easy question, one that Eddie should immediately know the answer to, considering it’s been written on the board in his English class for four weeks straight.

Eddie’s lips curl into a smirk as he answers, “1847.”

Before you can even tell him he answered correctly, Eddie’s hands are on you, surging forward to finally do what he has been craving for so long. One hand runs up your thigh while the other goes to your chest, squeezing gently. He runs his thumb over your nipple and you shudder, so on edge that even the slightest touch sends shockwaves through your body. He shifts forward to nip at where your neck meets your shoulder, the scrape of his teeth followed by a swipe of his tongue to soothe the sting.

Eddie continues his path upwards, resting his hand at the base of your throat for a moment before moving it to cup your cheek. His other hand has crept far enough up that he’s only centimeters from the apex of your thighs, dangerously close to where you’re desperate for his touch. His thumb rests gently on your bottom lip as his gaze flickers between your mouth and your eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” Eddie asks softly, and you can only nod, not trusting your voice to work.

Eddie leans in slowly, lips barely brushing against yours before pressing more firmly in a kiss that quickly turns heated. He’s quite talented with his tongue, and you can’t help but imagine where else he could put it to use.

His fingers graze the waistband of your underwear, dipping in slightly.

“What do you want?” Eddie pulls back, echoing your earlier question.

“Just touch me.” You pull him back into a searing kiss, gasping into his mouth as his hand moves down and his fingertips brush your clit.

Eddie dips lower, a low groan escaping him as he feels how wet you are. He brings his fingers back up to your clit and starts to make slow circles, moving easily with how you coated them with your slick.

Your head falls to his shoulder, panting against his neck as he gradually speeds up. You link your arms over his shoulders as you turn your attention to the pale skin of his throat, kissing and sucking until dark marks bloom under your attention. Eddie’s hand starts to falter, and you quickly grow impatient, pushing him back and reaching for his belt.

Eddie takes off his shirt as you fumble with the buckle, replacing your hands with his own and taking it off with ease.

He rids himself of the rest of his clothes as you do the same, greedily taking in every inch of skin that is revealed. You clench around nothing at the sight of his cock when it springs free, long and thick and surprisingly pretty, a word you never thought you would use as a descriptor for something like that, but nothing about Eddie follows the norm.

Eddie pulls you into his lap, and you tangle your fingers into his hair as you bring him in for another kiss. His lips seem to fit perfectly against yours and, god, why hadn’t you done this before? You tug gently at his hair, and he moans into your mouth, prompting you to do it again. He moans even louder as you pull harder, head snapping back and hips jerking up.

“Fuck, baby.” Eddie pants as the head of his cock brushes against your entrance. “Need to be inside you.”

“Yes please, Eddie, want you to fuck me,” you gasp as you shift and the tip nudges against your clit.

He lines himself up, and you sink down slowly, both of you moaning as he fills you up. You pause for a moment when he bottoms out, clenching around him as you adjust to the rather large intrusion. You’re incredibly grateful that his uncle is gone for the night because you don’t think you could hold back the noises you’re making.

Bracing yourself on his shoulders, you lift yourself up halfway before dropping back down, repeating this action until you’ve built up a quick rhythm.

“Fuck, princess.” Eddie grabs onto your hips as you bounce on his cock, gently guiding your movements. “You feel so good around me, so fucking tight.”

He plants his feet on the ground and starts to fuck up into you, thrusting up every time you drop down.

“Eddie!” You cry out as he gets even deeper, angling his hips slightly to hit the spot inside you that makes your eyes roll back.

You reach one hand down to rub your clit, clenching around him at the extra sensation.

“Shit,” Eddie curses, “keep doing that, baby, you look so good playing with that pretty pussy for me.”

You let out a whine at his words, moving your fingers faster. You’re not sure where his sudden affinity for dirty talk came from, but you’re certainly not complaining as he continues to praise you, calling you his good girl in a tone that makes you shiver.

Eddie pulls you in for a surprisingly tender kiss, a clear contrast to his harsh thrusts.

“I’ve wanted this for so long.” He says as you break apart, resting his forehead against yours. “Wanted you, wanted to make you mine.”

“I’m yours.” You can’t help the smile that grows on your face. “It’s always been you, Eddie.”

“Yeah? You ever think about this, baby?” Eddie asks, his sincere tone turning to something much darker. “God I used to jerk off all the time thinking about you, imagining how you’d feel around my cock.”

You whine as he gives a few particularly harsh thrusts, hanging on to his shoulders for dear life. You find yourself rapidly approaching the edge, throwing your head back as you bounce even faster.

Eddie matches your pace, his grip on your hips tightening to the point that you’re sure he’ll leave marks.

“Not gonna last much longer, princess,” Eddie warns, voice audibly strained. “Where do you want me to-”

“Inside,” you cut him off. “I’m on the pill, I want you to cum inside me.”

“Jesus fucking-” Eddie’s voice breaks. “Yeah, I can do that, baby, you want me to fill you up? Want me to fuck you full of my cum?”

“Eddie!” His words are enough to tip you over the edge, chanting his name as you cum.

“Fuck!” Eddie follows you with a punched-out groan, the feeling of your walls spasming around his cock too much to handle.

You collapse against him after you ride out your orgasm, his cock still twitching inside of you. You rest your cheek on his collarbone, and he bends his head down to place a kiss on your forehead, then the tip of your nose, then your lips.

Eddie eventually slips out of you, half carrying you to the bathroom as your legs prove to be more than a bit shaky. He helps you clean up, kissing you every so often with an infectious grin on his face.

He gives you one of his shirts to wear and drags you into bed with him, wrapping himself around you like an oversized koala. Who knew Eddie Munson would be such a cuddler?

As you drift off in his arms, you can’t believe how lucky you’ve gotten, that you get to have him like this.

All in all, it was definitely a successful study session.

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[maple-seed]

Loki Fic Recommendations

For those who don't know, I have a side blog where I post fic recs, @maple-seed-reads

However, I haven't had much time recently to read, I've been focusing on writing instead. Therefore the queue on that blog is currently empty.

I've been feeling a little guilty about that so I decided to make a post here highlighting my favorite authors. I'm linking my favorite stories but you should check out their blogs/masterlists because they all have a variety of stories, if you don't like my suggestion there's probably something else there that you will.

Some of these authors have 18+ content, please respect their tags/notes.

@maiden-of-asgard is currently on hiatus. Her story Frostbite (18+) is widely known but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it just in case. I'm also in love with the in-progress It's Rotten Work.

@grufflepuff-writes-stuff has a series of soft fics called Loki's Lullabies, which currently has 251 entries. Yes, you read that correctly, 251. Three digits. If you put a gun to my head and asked me to choose a favorite I would still have to change my mind a dozen times, so I'm going to say Cast the Shadows Away and leave it at that. Rest assured, virtually any sweet, soft flavor you are craving can be found somewhere in that series. (Also, those looking for 18+ recommendations should read Catch Fire, Burn the Stars)

@writingfics-passingtime and @just-another-blog-of-fluff, JJ and Jessa, are the dynamic duo of tickle fics. Even if you're not particularly into tickling (I'm not) you should check them out. Their stories are well-crafted and definitely worth the read. Very fluffy, sometimes a little serious, always sweet and wonderful. Favorite from JJ: Understanding Favorite from Jessa: A Startling Realization (I just realized both of those recs are 10k+, if you want shorter fics they have those too.) BONUS: Last year they collaborated on a Christmas fic, A Reason to Celebrate

@munsons-maiden has shifted focus to Eddie Munson, but her Loki fics are still here. You may have to fiddle with the url due to blog name change but it's worth it and not difficult to do. Favorite: Like He Does

@michelleleahhh has an incredible enemies-to-lovers slow burn called Broken Crown (18+) that's filled with mystery and intrigue.

@give-me-a-moose is also on a writing hiatus. You should check out her series, By Hook or by Crook (18+), I am so in love with how in love those two characters are.

@cake-writes has a couple spicy in-progress series that I'm excited for. Dutiful Disaster (18+) is one I recommend if you want to see a couple dummies who think they hate each other but actually obviously don't.

@sarahscribbles has many fics worth reading but my current favorite is Dancing With the Devil (18+), it is a wonderful blend of sweet and spicy.

@silver-tongued-bby - I don't typically read AUs where Loki isn't an Asgardian god, but something about her fic Trouble (18+) drew me in. If you're looking for something different she has several AU fics to check out.

That's all for now. If you think you know something I'd like based on this feel free to drop it in the comments. One day I'll get around to reading again, lol.