#I am very mentally ill. I think I just need to sleep and catch up on studying but I know it isn't actually that simple

[diapause]

in an era not sure what

[nuumbie]

KARMA’S A DOG.

Prompt: You’re a prized worker at the IPC Marketing Department. You spend your days waiting for that flash of black.

Trigger Warning: Reader is mentally ill and a little shit head. Curse Words. General Violent Terms and Reader Gets Ragdolled. Boothill is NOT into you!!! He actually hates you! Guilt! Etc, etc… it’s just all hurt no comfort.

Author’s Note: Written to celebrate his trailer. Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. Contains spoilers regarding his character story.

He’s resting peacefully. This should still count as sleep. You pose the question in your head if you replace the pieces of something, how far until the thing is something else entirely. But he’s still alive. You find relish in that.

He still has his head. Maybe, that’s all he has. You wonder how the surgery must have gone. Of course you’ve met people who’ve changed themselves so drastically with robotics that you couldn’t recognize them after the surgeries. It’s a rebirth in ways. When you change so dramatically that you’re a different person by the end. His body’s 90% metal. 10% flesh. So, wouldn’t it be the cybernetics that win?

Despite everything. You don’t think so. Perhaps, that’s all that he needs. I think therefore I am. There’s no doubt he’s alive. Not to you, anyway. He’s brimming with human life. He’s more alive than you. Not in the same way where the question poses in your mind with other beings, or creatures, Boothill is obstinately simple.

You like that. He’s simple. The Hunt is straight forward. A single path. A single road. You like that you don’t have to read his intentions. You know what he wants and why.

Boothill. Galaxy Ranger. IPC Hunter. The Man who just tried to sneak into your office and put a bullet through your head like he has with many of your employees, those who’ve worked directly under you no less. You know. Most criminals don’t get this far. Not far at all past Pier Point. Oswaldo will have a riot.

If he knew he would. You’re not going to tell him.

Boothill is special.

The cowboy opens his eyes. Your personal grim reaper.

“I see you’re awake.” You smile in a loving way. If you can even manage that. People who can control their expressions make it seem so easy. Laying across his chest. You’ve opened up his core to play with his inner circuits. He must not like that, though considering there’s a burning hatred in his eyes which threatens to scorch you. You glance up towards his face and sigh and ignoring the lingering, simmering, resentment. His body is heating up beneath your touch. So, maybe it resonates with his feelings, you wonder if his body steams. “We need to stop meeting like this. You’re going to make me think you’re obsessed with me.”

It’s the opposite way around. You know that. But the very idea that it isn’t causes him to lunge at you. The cowboy turns into nothing more than a blur, all the wires connected to the body collecting samples that took at least a good thirty minutes pulled from him. Some ripped from the walls, and in instants he’s on you.

“You dang—“ his hands make its way to your shoulders, you’re flipped without hesitation. his hands grasping you down, he lays on top of you. breath heavy. robots don’t breathe, though, so you try to think of another word as he catches himself and tries to make it so he’s the one on top. “— you again!?”

“I’ve been meaning to get my hands on you… you oughta’… you ANGEL!” He screeches. Music to your ears as he shakes you more like you’re more ragdoll than person. “AEONS, it’s so freaking annoying! You absolute delight! How did I lose to…”

“Thank you so much for the compliment.” You smile back. Probably the only one getting anything out of this arrangement. Pinned against the floor hand pressed tightly against your waist so you can’t struggle. He should’ve pressed it against your mouth. But it isn’t like you’re going to scream. You’re certain. Lots of women would love to be in this position you’re currently in. But it’s you. And this is far from some sweet, pure, little romantic story. You’re not delusional. Though, you act like you are purely because it annoys him. It’s good for him to build up his rage, his contentment, good. “I was just looking over your upgrades since the last time you invaded Pier Point. As for asking how I beat you~…”

“The electronic upgrade was not the best idea.” You smile. “If we can control your language, your body isn’t hard especially for a renowned genius like me. Have to talk to your doctor about that. You’re lucky I’m the one that found you. Where’s my thanks?”

“Aeons, of COURSE you Market-Phonies have something to annoy the DANGNATION out of me.” he grinds his teeth, looking around for his pistol. making a point about how dead he wants you. you can feel his grip loosen and tighten. he’s likely processing which one would get you to be quieter. “Where’d you put it? My gun. I’ve decided. I’m killing you now. Puttin’ ya out of your misery, sweet-face! You think this is rough? Think of a 9mm lead in your skull will be?”

“Cabinet.” You put on your best smile. “For me?”

“Of course for you. Love you.” You didn’t take away his ability to say hate. So, he must have said something like screw. Or maybe it’s a replacement for something else? You just know it’s bad. “You knew this was coming. I’m not going to miss my shot again. You should’ve killed me when you had the chance.”

You did know it was coming. You wished he would get the one person above you first so you could witness your boss with his brains blown out, the outcries that an Emanator of Qlipoth killed. You could have gotten wine with Diamond and laughed about it and died happy knowing the world was washed clean forever of Oswaldo Schneider.

But you can’t be so lucky. You’ll have to wish him luck. If he actually manages to kill you that is — you’re not making it hard.

He grabs you by the neck so you can’t struggle away to call help. The iron hands encased over your neck like a shackle isn’t a bad feeling. You almost quote as such so he might grab you a little tighter. Sadly, it seems his finger is directly over your windpipe— making talking an impossibility. He really doesn’t want you to run. Not like you would. Dragging you as he goes towards the cabinet. He presses you against the wall one-handed.

Using his other hand to peruse through your belongings. Even if you struggled. You doubt you could make a dent against the material. You’ve always been more of a pen instead of a sword guy.

It seems he’s smarter than you thought. Since, he checks the bullets in the gun. Rather show-offishly, too. He clicks the trigger against your head and nothing comes out. He counts them out, too. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

You already knew that none of the shots would ring. But here’s a certain heart-pounding feeling even if you know it’s empty. He clutches the gun even tighter.

Obviously, you’ve cleaned them out. He glares at you. Of course you’re the one at fault. Of course you were smart enough to know the first thing he’d do when he woke up was try to kill you. Of course you wanted to see the look on his face when he got his gun back when he realized it was empty. “Don’t you have spares? You eat them, don’t you? Just shit them out.” You smile. It’s hard to talk.

The floor hits you. Hard. Or maybe you hit the floor? Either way. It hurts. Your head spins. But, you collect yourself. Maybe. Dizzy people often can’t tell they’re dizzy. “You going to kill me right? You don’t need a gun to do that. To make it painful. To get your little revenge.” You’re sputtering. Aeons. It be embarrassing if you didn’t say that. If you’re slurring. Though who are you to ask for a clean death?

“I don’t get you.” Boothil’s boot presses against your chest— “make up your mind, you wanna die or not? You’re seriously flip-flopping.”

You smile back at him from the floor. “I’d rather my employees not go down with me when you’ve got to escape. Jeremy just got a promotion. You won’t die here, will you space cowboy? So, you’ll have to make your way out.”

“Might as well limit the casualties.”

“You took everything from me.” Robots don’t stumble over their words. Robots don’t hold grudges. People do. People live for others. “What right do you have? You have way more blood on your hands than I do.”

“You’re not wrong.” you repeat, quietly. “It’s karma. It’s justice. I’m so happy you exist.”

“I could never ever dream of it. I could never.” You smile. “So I’m glad that you did. Thank you.”

He looks down at you.

He steps back. You already know. Too self-aware for your own good.

Maybe you should have shut up. You already know you’ve messed it all up. The way he looks at you.

“Everyone here’s so fluffed up.” he grimaces. rubbing his shoe against the floor. “Anyone the IPC touches get’s gosh-dang ruined.”

You know why he did. You ruined his life. You did. So, it was only fair he did the same in return—

Reaching out— before you realize it. “Hey, wait.”

“You’re not dragging me down with you! I want you to pay I’m not letting you off easy. When we meet again. I’ll have changed this place forever. And you’ll be forced to live with yourself.”

He doesn’t even look at you.

He lets you go and he runs out the door. You hear the sounds of loud screams. Shooting guns. It turns into a blur after a few seconds. They’re going to fail to apprehend him. You hope.

On the messy floor. Your lab a wreak. You’re sure. They’ll come here. They’ll question you.

You’ll lie. Jade can tell. But she won’t tell on you.

“Fuck you, too.”

You put your hands over your eyes and you just ignore everything until someone comes and gets you.

You’ll meet him again. You can wait. It’s all you ever do.

[yongislong]

skin ship + dreamies.

wc/genre: idk, pretty short though, fluff, suggestive.... lmao established relationships with nonidol!dreamies! reqs openn

cw/note: none! late night post, not requested but i had this idea while studying bc... shit has been going on in my life and i! need! comfort! lmk what you think, masterlist is on my page, take care of urselves, i am in no way saying love can cure mental illness in any of my posts btw! i thought i'd just clarify lol

mark... he's so touchy with you and he's such a nerd about it LOL, he loves you and freaks out. like yes he's confident don't get me wrong but once he sees you and realizes that he has you, he pounces. he hugs you so hard people might think you'd disappear. it's always so full of love and he has a geeky smile and you can hear his breathy giggles in your ear. also likes pulling your toes when you're on your bed scrolling in PEACE. he does it so hard and you never fail to fly off wherever you're sitting to chase him across the apartment. cheek pincher on the low. honestly loves any skin ship under the sun. especially on any exposed skin, smooches <3 shoulder kiss enthusiast and he's very good at it :') likes catching you off guard with any skin ship. pulls you tight whenever you sleep

renjun... hand tracing dear god. he loves your hands, no matter what they look like. YES i know its cliche but he loves messing with your rings, painting your nails, etc. he thinks he's being so slick and cool but he's so cute about it because he also doesn't care, like he has no reason to not show you how beautiful he believes every part of you is. sometimes he doesn't even notice, he just takes ahold of your wrists or forearm and drapes it on his lap. maybe he likes to put his fingers in ur mouth I DON'T KNOW??? esp when you wave ur finger in his face... not super touchy when cuddling but you always end up with his hand in yours. sometimes switches rings with you and doesn't notice until he's taking off his jewelry to go to bed and he's giggling into his hand like an 8 year old lol. likes pinching the skin on your upper back and thighs. finds comfort in tracing his fingertips on your collarbones before bed, helps you both fall asleep fast

jeno... god he's such a hip guy. loves a cheeky lil slap on the butt at any time of the day OFC but also just likes having his hands on your hips, likes to feel ur hipbones/curves y'know. you're so beautiful to him. he always pretends to get the wind knocked out of him when he sees u... hes so cheesy. sometimes when you're watching a movie he sits you between his legs and innocently snakes one finger under your clothes to feel the skin on the expanse on your upper hip and stomach. he loooves stomachs. especially if they're soft or not defined like those old greek paintings, he likes how different you feel from him if that makes sense.... bc he's lean. unless you're lean too he kinda gets fomo like damn did you hit the gym without him lol. also a cheek pincher, just likes messing with your face in general. cute sleeper, tucks you under his chin, ends up with his head under your shirt bc he gets cold at night and is always so surprised when he wakes up pfft. also an upper arm rubber. pls trace your finger on his nose brige.

haechan... mf. any skin ship have you seen this man. i will say the skin ship he has with you and the way he goes about it is different because he wants to make it a point that yes, he's touchy but only you get certain privileges or touches. especially when you two are alone. he likes to look at you while you sleep, not in a weird way he just likes that this is the one time you let him play with your hair and kiss your fingertips without you bursting into shy giggles. a lot of people think he would be a goofy bf and yeah that's true but he wants to so badly do well in this relationship. he cares about you so much. some nights when he looks at you he's thinks he just might cry. gives you lots of typical skin ship but also just is super domestic and sweet and considerate of your feelings. LOOVES, loves and i mean adores hiding his face in the crook of your neck, likes your natural scent sm, makes him smiley.

jaemin... like haechan he likes to watch you when you sleep but in the morning instead, when he wakes up before you. likes whispering things to you about how gorgeous he thinks you are and how can someone look so pretty when they've been tossing and turning all night. smiles to himself always. pokes your cheeks especially when you're puffy and sleepy. his favorite type of skin ship is pulling your cheek. he also likes brushing up your brows and running his thumb on your lower lip. gosh he's just so so sweet. he's obsessed with you in the best way. likes being around you. hand on the waist when he's trying to maneuver himself behind you to reach for his toothbrush in the bathroom > AGH. has no limits to how touchy he is in his mind. like if you are equally as touchy or just enjoy skin ship and don't mind him giving you puppy dog eyes through the mirror as he brushes your hair, its an easy open for him to do what he wants with you. I KNOW this is kinda all over the place but just imagine someone being in absolute adoration of you, your body, your skin, your face in a non creepy way LOL etc, etc. very wholesome

chenle... waist holder. oh MY god. he's not really touchy, in my opinion and from what i've seen, but he is a clinger. he likes skin ship mostly and only if he gets to initiate it. makes him feel manly muahaha. dont get me wrong, adores you doing slight skin ship with him but when he gets to tuck you under him at night or is able to trace the underside of your jaw. OH MY GOD he loves putting his finger under your chin to lift your face to look up at him please??? is so cocky about this and even if you're taller or his height, he loves to catch you when you're sitting down and it never fails to make you lose your mind. yeah yeah he likes it when you touch his neck, he's corny like that. laying your hand on his chest when you kiss GOD??? he combusts every time. it's moments like these where he doesn't mind you initiating touches bc it makes him feel special and wanted. please give him attention when you've seen he's had a hard day. he never knows how to ask for you, but now you've gotten into the swing of being around each other and learning what each other likes when it comes to skin to skin contact.

jisung... another fucking cheek poker dude. can never grasp the fact that yeah, you're sitting next to him, willingly watching his favorite movie with him, sharing a blanket, with the fresh cookies you made. wants to make sure you're real so he pokes you. he doesn't think he doesn't deserve you he just, is so proud of himself for bagging you and needs to make sure he isn't lucid dreaming LOL. ya'll need to wake up, yeah jisung has probably never had a relationship up until you but oh... oh once he learns how to fluster you, its like he hit the jackpot. knows how much you like him kissing the top of your spine before bed and you learned that tugging on the hairs and the nape of his neck has earned you several reactions in the past. its a very sweet and intimate relationship, watching the both of you test the waters with shy pecks or head pats until you finally date for long enough that he fully feels confident falling asleep on your chest with his arms caging around your waist. likes pretty basic skin ship, he't not a poet or anything yknow LMAO so expect a lot of neck pecks, head pats, hugs where he shifts his weight in between his feet and rocks you back and forth, he's just a sweetie

[kybercrystals94]

The Common Cold

By KyberCrystals94

Read here on Ao3!

Whumptober 2023|Day 13|Prompt 13: “I don’t feel so good.”

Rating: G

Words: 451

Summary: Tech catches the common cold.

The common cold should not - in theory – affect clones whose DNA has been specifically engineered to withstand against a multitude of hardships that would be of detriment to the average human; however, perhaps the demands of war and the need for new soldiers has had an impact on the Kaminoan’s quality control.

Which may explain why Tech wakes up in the middle of his sleep cycle with his throat raw and his head stuffed to the point he worries his skull might combust. His bones and joints ache beneath sore muscles and sensitive skin. Miserable feels too mild a term.

It takes some mental preparation, but he manages to roll out of his bunk to stagger over to the med kit and search for anti-inflammatory and decongestant.

Hunter catches him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, “Are you injured?”

“No. I don’t feel so good. I’m sick,” Tech bites out, voice nasally and hoarse.

“Sick,” Hunter echoes, deadpan, as though the word has never been introduced to his vocabulary until this very moment.

“It’s just a minor cold,” Tech clarifies. He rattles off his symptoms, “Aches, congestion, sore throat…”

Hunter takes a measured step back. “Why don’t you go back to bed, and I’ll bring you whatever medications you’re looking for.”

“I am perfectly capable...”

Hunter gives him a look that borders on concern and disgust. “It’s not about capability, Tech. It’s about you touching our medical supplies with your infected hands.”

While the words themselves feel a little...dramatic, the man has a point.

“Fine,” Tech relents, holding up his infected hands in surrender. “I just need an anti-inflammatory and decongestant.”

Hunter nods. “And where’s the disinfectant spray?”

Tech rolls his eyes, but he’s too tired and sore to think of a snarky remark. “You’ll find the cleaning supplies in the bottom drawer of the supply closet.”

Crosshair chooses this exact moment to make an appearance, catching Tech’s words with absolutely no context. “What sort of mess did you make, Hunter? Playing with the armor paint again?”

“It’s not for me. Tech is sick.”

The sniper casts Tech a dirty look. As if Tech chose to get sick. As if this were his idea of a good time. Tech tries his best to match the disdainful expression before announcing, “I’m going back to bed. You had better hope that the air filters are in working order. I would hate for anyone else to fall ill.” He makes sure to force every ounce of sarcasm he possesses into his tone.

Maybe his brothers would finally start to replace simple filters like he asked countless times.

And if they do get sick, maybe they will discover that a little sympathy goes a long way.

END

Author’s Note: I wrote the draft to this story way back when the prompts were released…then today came, and I am down for the count with a stomach bug. What are the odds?? 🥲

So here we are, a story based on true events with my own siblings growing up. I got you, Tech! 😂

Tag List: @isthereanechoinhere96 @followthepurrgil @amorfista

✨Let me know if you’d like to join my tag list✨

[that-weird-skeleton-bastard]

More psychonauts incorrect quotes?

Ford: You have any sunscreen? Milla: You can't get a sunburn from a bonfire— Ford: It's for my marshmallow ya dummy.

*****

Raz: I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t gotten arrested, let alone gotten a felony yet. Ford: Nat 20 Charisma. Raz: That is NOT how that works-

*****

Lili: I’ve only ever said ‘I love you’ to two people in my entire life: Raz and a guy in a dark club who I mistook for Raz.

*****

Ford: How would you like to live forever? bobby: I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.

*****

Raz: Oh my Sasha . Ford: Don't you mean 'oh my god'? Raz: You worship your god, I'll worship mine.

*****

Lili: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness. bobby: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

*****

*Sasha and Ford are texting* Sasha : Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone. Ford: What did they change my name to? Sasha : Chosen One. Ford: Don’t change it back. Sasha : BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?! Ford: I’m the chosen one.

*****

Ford: A stake to the heart won't kill a vampire if their tits are big enough. Raz: Yeah, you just catch it. Milla: Nah nah nah, deflects it. Stake? Just bounces right off. Done. Back to doing hot girl shit. Sasha : Then I just use a spear instead. Ford: You are trying so hard to kill a vampire with big bazongas, and for what? Why would you do that to the ecosystem?

*****

Ford: So I have made the decision to trust you. Raz: A horrible decision, really.

*****

bobby: Yeah, I don’t like people. Milla: Oh, well now that’s not fair bobby. Have you met all of them? bobby: I’ve met enough of them. People. What a bunch of bastards!

*****

*Raz sneezes* Lili: Raz, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby! *Ford sneezes* Lili: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

*****

Raz, looking at the squad: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

*****

Sasha : What do we say when life disappoints us? Raz: Called it! Sasha : No.

*****

Lili: Why are you like this?? Sasha : I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

*****

Sasha : Hello all, it is I, your favorite person. Raz: Actually, Lili is my favourite. Sasha : Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

*****

Milla, teaching Raz to drive: Okay Raz, what does a green light mean? Raz: Go! Milla: A red light? Raz: Stop! Milla: And what about a yellow light? Raz: If you floor it, you can make it! Milla: …No—

*****

Raz: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

*****

Sasha : Today at 7 am, Raz poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Ford: I watched Raz brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm. Sasha : The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

*****

Lili: I'm very scary. Ford: You're about as scary as a wet kitten. Lili: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me. Ford: And small. Lili: Lili: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

*****

Milla: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. Lili: Fucking Raz and Ford were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

*****

Sasha : Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance.

*****

Ford: *gets a text* Oh! It’s Raz. Milla, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff? Ford: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood. Milla: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood? Ford: You wanted fake blood? Milla: Ford: I’ll go call Raz.

*****

Ford: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Raz: They do. Sasha: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

*****

bobby: Anyone d- Raz: Depressed? Ford: Drained? Sasha : Dumb? Lili: Disliked? bobby: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...

*****

Lili: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

[captainimprobable]

Things!

-I slept til 4pm today.  I mean, I woke up at one for lunch! but then i went back to sleep.  My sleep study cant come soon enough bc I am TIRED and I want to know WHY -I tried writing today and it didn’t work.  Very annoying. -Bought a Mabel Pines wig today, and sent in a payment for a commission for timeskip amity’s wig! I really wanted to do the wig myself, but the base wig I needed is on backorder, and I only have three months left, so I decided to commission it.  I might also buy the costume from etsy? idk i havent decided if I wanna make it myself or not -Randomly going to South Carolina in July bc if I don’t leave NY for a few days sometime soon I will explode -Really weird being single again.  It’s just reminding me again how SMALL my dating pool is, since I only date aces now.  I also want someone Jewish, but to hope for a Jewish ace (who cosplays, that’s actually important to me) is ridiculous so I won’t hold out for that. I wonder what it’s like to be able to just date? To scroll on apps and be able to swipe on anyone you find attractive without worrying about whether or not they’re going to be bitchy about sex or not...wild -Anyway my ex is gonna be my date to my prom, which I know may sound weird but it works.  We only dated for 3 months, and while yeah I love her as a person, the romantic feelings weren’t really there for either of us.  Which is also why I feel ready to date again immediately.  Again, sounds weird, but it makes a lot of sense to me. -Considering making a huge sign for Pride that says “Building an asexual army, gimme your socials if you wanna be involved” bc I want to know more ace people -Have a lot of anxious energy rn!!! For no reason! I feel like I want to run around the block but also lie down under my bed at the same time? Mental illness is weird. -Wait no as I’m writing this I’m getting like. Really sad. I think it’s catching up to me. Im single again I have to go through dating AGAIN and holy shit? Its gonna be impossible if Im only dating aces???????????? What the FUCK

[jossujb]

So hod did my birthday in Stockholm vent?

Elton John’s last concert in his final tour in Tele2 arena was exactly as fabulous expected. As you may know, my sister got the tickets back in 2020 cos I turned 30 that year, because of covid and wars and what ever the fucking political shit in Finland the Helsinki gig was cancelled - but our ticked were valid in Stockholm, and we even got upgrade on them for all the difficulty, so we actually had very nice seats all things considered. My favorite song from ELton John is Tiny Dancer, but I think my favorite for the evening was Rocketman, it just went all the places.

Gotta appreciate a sensible man, Sir Elton started sharply and ended on the clock, which I think for largely Swedish and Finnish audience was a pleasure.

After the gig some mishaps started to pile. My sister had reserved our knight in a quite fancy hotel - but a fire broke inside the hotel during the night and since I sleep like the dead I didn’t hear the alarm and my sister had to drag me and it happened so suddenly I rubbed contacts right out of my eye and didn’t see shit when evacuating. But it got under control, nobody was hurt and we got very fancy brekkie in the morning.

Then we went a museum of photography. There was a exhibition of Peter Lindbergh, which I very much liked. Then we went to Stockholm’s old town - I nearly bought myself a Supernatural themed deck of Tarot cards- They weren’t even expensive, Stockholm in general was somehow cheaper than Finland, since the war in Ukraine has inflated priced much much more in Finland for a reason or another. But I couldn’t see any goddamn real reason why I would need more SPN shit, so I let the urge go... I wanted to buy so much comics too, I was eyeing on a deluxe set of Death by Neil Gaiman, but like...I dunno, these days I try to think over what I actually want cos I am running out space.

We at nice foods... my skin was really acting up, and the teeth decay because of years of mild disorders was extra visible in pictures... I looked like I had some sort deadly illness going on the whole time. Felt quite ill too, because of the anemia and stuff, and my sister was quite mean about it. The photos we took in booths are nice keepsakes for sure, but I do genuinely look /very/ ill.

At Arlanda Airport it was news to us that Finnish borders are closed this week because of Joe Biden visits and stuff. Which was no problem otherwise, they just asked to see your passport eve though you don’t really have to show it between Finland/Sweden. For some reason communication about the situation was given so confusingly, like everyone panicked at the airport as if thy were not allowed to fly to Finland at all, so they flight was quite late because of the hassle. 

I had promised myself that I don’t contact my boss during my birthday trip... but at this point I made an exception said that since the flight is late, I might not be able to catch the last train from Tikkurila so if that happens I am gonna miss my schedule on work and need some assistance. But I actually managed to still catch the train and everything was just ok - except my boss went full on pressure/quilting/blackmailing spree and I actually felt quite ill, had rally taught time at work today, everything felt like it had made difficult for me on purpose.

My mum wanted to se me today and hear about the trip and I paid a visit. Unfortunately mum could also see that I look very sick and she force feed me bag of chocolate and sleeve of cookies and I feel so ill, so goddamn ill.

I dunno why the go-to method for everyone to make me feel better is to force feed me. Yeah like, I might have lost a bit of weight, there might be eating-related mental issue on top of it, yeah like my fave looks really ill at the moment, but I am by no means underweight, I just weigh less than you remember. Ad eating garbage doesn’t really make me look any better either.

Anyway, so. I am so happy I got to see Elton John in this lifetime. It felt like history right before my eyes. I wish I had also been beautiful and healthy, and I wish it didn’t ended in just being yelled at, but you know. It was a net positive.

[rainy-sys]

alright that’s it ive had it up to here. someone draw me some designs of a dsmp/heathers the musical au

did i catch your attention?? cool, this is a long post, details under the cut

cw for everything in heathers bc it has pretty heavy topics, if you are squeamish, please do not read further

• wilbur isnt jd here, d r e am is, and he’s built like his old eboy looking skin. the one with white hair and a suit n stuff. mans dressed like jd though, which means he looks like wilbur, but he’s not. and it’s also funny bc this specific skin is drawn so fancy all the time but this one is just. a raccoon you found in the alley that offered you a cherry slushie

• pre-death (preferably like,, pogtopia time) wilbur is veronica, because my brain said “fuck you”. also his theme is blue and it makes me happy because ghostbur <3 and veronica’s fake unalive scene he looks like ghostbur. sobbing this hurts me too okay i dont want to think about it too hard either. anyway semi-unhinged wilbur without his coat. blue highlighter fucking bitch (affectionate) AND AND. HIS BROTHER IS ALSO THERE. AND ALSO. ANGST BECAUSE YK HOW VERONICAS MOM WALKS IN ON THE FAKE DEATH?? NAH NAH. TWAS TOMMY.

idk where to drop this but this is actually in a college. tommy is in highschool though and knows ranboo and tubbo, they are all 18 because that’s senior year and bee boy needs to be old enough in my mind to have graduated early and because of the “flirting” n shit that’s pulled when ranboo gets stuck having to deal with mex

• the heathers are schlatt quackity and george, schlatt being red, quackity green, and george yellow. listen: schlatt dies by drinking canonically, and why did heather c need a drink?? and also its another form of poisoning!! also he’s a mythic bitch in canon anyway. and also george. with the uh. with the sleeping pills. plus quackity canonically always getting brushed off and stuff.

• “who are the jocks” theyre toned down like hell (because hell no i hate the jocks and my brain automatically filtered it down to them just not knowing how to actually flirt) but they’re mexican dream and ranboo. listen. listen. ranboo’s very mentally ill okay. mex got to him like “eyy man i heard you like football eyy me too do you not have any football friends??? broooo let me teach you how to talk to people man” and ranboo was like “oh cool thanks :D” and then his little mind got corrupted and he just. doesnt know any better. nor does mex because of his canonically fucked up home life both dsmp-wise and musical-wise. the jocks overall radiate “NAHH THERAPY?? GET A ‘THERAPIST’?? MAN THOSE ARE FOR PUSSIES NO WAY” energy. and i know i said college but listen okay i have a solution. ranboo is tall as fuck and plays good because of how fucking skinny and lanky and tall he is. hes hard to fucking catch. he’s college level. he’s on college team. case closed. anyway most of the very bad flirting is done by mex and ranboo just kinda nervously laughs along because “god damn gotta keep up appearances :D” and because he thinks that’s what normal flirting is. “HEY WHAT ABOUT THE FAKED GAY UNALIVE WHERE THEY ACTED LIKE THE JOCKS WERE GAY FOR EACH OTHER??” yeah in this au, wilbur and dream made up that those two were hiding they were gay, but they didnt try to imply that they were gay for each other. anyway *proceeds to cut out the entirety of dead gay son*

• martha is tubbo because i may be a little bit of a sucker for some beeduo angst. yk bc this is the musical version. also tubbo’s overall little childlike innocence sorta thing. and also he’s just a little quirky. he seems like he’d be the best fit, plus that’s what my brain did. also i love him. “tubbo underscore, my brothers best friend since they were in diapers” theyre besties your honor <3 “but this is in college??” yeah yeah but here’s the solution: tubbo graduated early so he’s like the youngest guy in college. “no friends?? nothing to distract you from your studies!! ;v;” thats another reason hes bullied and hated, everyone calls him a nerd bc he graduated early yk???

• “but but but the romance thing between jd and veronica????? with dream and wilbur??????” yes?? are we going to have a problem??? you got a bone to pick?????? (/ref) anyway i didnt choose this, this idea overall came to me from like four (4) scenes in a dream.

and before you artists start (if this gets anywhere), i would like to mention that one of the things that was consistent from the musical that projected onto the characters were uh. the outfits. so anyway i dare you all to draw my 3 smp heathers in their skirts. and make them sassy as fuck

ANYWAY IF THIS GETS ANYWHERE, GO FUCKING WILD EVERYONE. AND PLEASE TAG ME.

[morganupstead]

911 Lone Star 4x05 thoughts: I know I'm backed up but I've been depresso dissociating for days so I'm getting to it now.

Okay what was that intro sequence, I'm also terrified to ask.

Mateo, the kid means well but strand is gonna be real mad he can't sell his bike. we stan mateo here though

Celeste why isn't it good to see you girlie, but you might be in the wrong city at the moment?? Chicago maybe?? A confident amazing guy is back there right about now huh?? His name is Kevin Atwater does that ring a bell?? (okay i guess we can move on)

Grace and Linus, this is gonna be great I can tell. He's stuck on homework what a cute kid and Grace is perfect at this.

What was that do I know you directed at Paul???? Like was that intentional for another reason or am I just very far-reaching about another Black first responder from Chicago??? (I'm delusional there's no way they are referencing that)

Hold on. MARJAN????? Nope I'm so not about this girlie I love you WHAT HAPPENED

Marjan literally saved that woman from a moving trailer home on the highway, she would have died if she stayed in that motor home, and without the road stop this conversation would not be happening. do I agree with the word choice, no but she's alive still.

Grace is concerned so now I'm concerned about that kid.

Okay, Marjan is literally breaking my heart that woman. If she's leaving the show I'm gonna sob.

There's the creepy guy again.......not feeling good about that. Marjan is really getting the short end of the stick this episode??? i really don't like this. Not a radio.

Okay so this storyline has officially gone off the rails where I couldn't have expected it to. I agree with Strand, why is he not in jail!!!!! Also a lot of this conversation sounds like veiled threats and blackmail to me so where is this going???

Marjan as a character is just freaking incredible. If she gets fired or leaves it's gonna hurt but damn you can't say that woman isn't a powerhouse that sticks to her guns.

CHARLIE WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE SO BIG!!!!! oh you are the cutest little baby on the planet. also Judd is such a good dad it melts my cold little heart. JUDD YOU ARE SUCH A SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND I LOVE IT. he knows his wife isn't gonna sleep is she doesn't know that little boy is safe. i hope this doesn't end bad bc i like this storyline, There's too much sadness going on i need some balance. I just hope Grace doesn't get in trouble for this bc I'm a little on edge with the whole Marjan thing.

"I'm a big scary man??" sorry to break it to you Judd but without knowing that your a big snuggly teddy bear your outside persona is a little scary bro.

I'm sorry but everytime they pan to charlie I'm yelling at my computer "CHARLIE YOU ARE SO CUTE GIRLIE LOOK AT YOU"

Yes Linus Grace Ryder is the prettiest woman ever:)))

I love Tommy and her girls, it's domestic time that I love

Grace is really gonna save this woman's life I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. THAT'S GRACE RYDER. Judd keeping Linus calm is literally gonna make me cry.

We are going to have that guy join the firehouse who is obsessed with the 126 (that probably is a psychopath or has some other mental illness??? Am I catching the right vibes with this storyline?? I hate the way this is set up to be another long-term arc.

Okay, i was right somewhat: Arsonist at least we can label him as right now.

Did paul really just punch him??? or was that a figment of Marjan's imagination???

The fact that Asha is from Chicago really being a coincidence is sending me. It means nothing, Paul is from Chicago and they met in school....... hum hum hum..... Wait are we setting up a romance??? Okay maybe I can jump on the bandwagon

I saw this coming but damn im equally sad and proud of her. SHE BOUGHT HIS BIKE!!!!!! God I'm gonna cry. Is this really her leaving???? Okay, I googled it and it's not the last we are seeing of Marjan which is nice, but I did just ugly cry thinking she was gone forever.

I liked this episode more than I thought I would. Grace's storyline was really great too!!!

[adhdarcheologist]

Navigating Burnout

Remember when I said that I would try to be consistent with posting? Apparently I lied. But I’m back for a moment in between working on my thesis and navigating daily admin to talk about something (big shock here) important. Now, I am by no means an expert on this because really, I never am in any of these posts, but I can talk about what I’ve experienced/know. Burnout is a very real, very persistent problem when you’re neurodivergent both while at school and in the field. It creeps up on you before you know what’s happening and then it feels like you’ve been hit by a brick wall landing ontop of you. It can lead to fatigue, headaches, overstimulation and actual illness among other things. Suffice to say that it takes you out and it takes you out hard.

Personally this has been a problem for me throughout academia and to no one’s surprise it followed me out into the field. It’s annoying but unfortunately it’s usually a fact of life. What you can do however is try to manage it to avoid it as much as possible and when you can’t to get back to daily life as soon as possible.

Now to clarify I’m not talking about MAJOR burnout in this post but rather the smaller one that might take you out for a few days/week. This is usually brought on by trying to do too much without giving yourself enough time to recover. Think of it like pulling a muscle when you use it too much without giving yourself time to heal and cool down. I’m just going to talk about what can cause it at school or in the field (examples really), and then some tips for dealing with it. Hopefully it helps someone or at the very least gives you a heads up for what you might be looking for.

At school

At school (whatever level it may be) burnout can be triggered by a number of things. Like I said above it basically comes from pushing yourself too hard, however that may be. Let’s face it school can be intense and overwhelming. You might often feel like you’re constantly just trying to catch up and avoid getting hit by the next thing coming at you. Just because it’s difficult, doesn’t mean it’s impossible but there is no shame AT ALL in taking care of yourself and knowing your limits and needs. So here’s a list of some things that can cause it and some suggestions that might help.

> Exam week/ seasons > Taking too many classes at once > Readings and Essays > Loud classrooms / campuses > Work life balance > Classmate drama > Campus Admin (ie schedules, forms, du dates etc.)

—

> Stay hydrated/ fed > Find calm spaces to take breaks in between classes > Ask for extra time on assignments you may be struggling with > If possible take a day off mid week or at least take it easy as much as possible > Switch between audiobooks/ traditional reading > Switch between subjects when working > Make time for yourself and your hobbies > If possible, take a reduced course load > Sleep as much as you can > Don’t be too hard on yourself > Ask for help if you need it

In the field

There are allot of things in the field that can cause burnout and general strain, not just physically but mentally as well. I’ve touched on it in previous posts but here’s another list of things you might want to watch out for.

> Weather, especially hot and sunny > Tool noises > Crowds and busy trenches > Repeated sharp movements > Overstraining your body > Too much informational input > Dig anxiety/ stress > Emotional finds > Not eating/ drinking enough > Final week intensity

— 

> Stay hydrated/ fed > Take small breaks while digging (1-5 min pauses) > Take a longer break if needed > Find a quiet space to calm down > Wear ear protection/ glasses > Move according to your body’s abilities > Limit info you’re learning per day > Try and be aware of your emotions > Rest and relax when you can > If you need a day off for your body/ brain/ health please take it if you can > Sleep as much as possible > Ask for help if you need it

— 

These overall are just some things to keep and mind and remember that everyone is different. You know your body best and what it needs when you ask too much of it. Allot of these essentially entail taking care of yourself physically as much as possible and asking for help when you need it, no matter how terrifying that might be. You deserve to be healthy and happy while pursuing your goals and no one (including yourself) should tell you otherwise. It can be hard and burnout will still probably happen but like I said before please cut yourself some slack and be gentle and kind to your mind as much as possible. It’s working real hard too.

[vaudeville-venom]

3/4AM — O3-12-2O24 : RANT / RAMBLE ﹐🪶 ˖ overview: im tired of tiktok, want to move to other social media platforms. want to start blogging / journaling on tumblr and love the idea of others doing the same and find it interesting. want to redo my intro post really bad (i bring it up alot.) i want to have the 'average highschool experience', feel alone then ramble about my life a bit. talk about how i am rambling and how i dont expect anyone to read it. im tired of having a fucked up sleep schedule and being unstable. then an ending note talking about journaling on tumblr again, moodboards, the fucking intro post again, and want to work on a tagging system. (im really fucking tired oh my god)

[ me-core / aesthetic of my brain atm ] : images frm Pinterest

im really debating on just leaving tiktok for now, the algorithm fucking sucks especially right now. its boring as fuck and im not even seeing stuff of my interests or my mutuals ☠️ its all the same 3 god damn audios of content i wouldnt ever like want or expect to see??? ive mentally wanted to stop using shit like tiktok and move to using tumblr more and other sites like spacehey and stuff. i really need to redo spachey too. because while tumblr still has an algorithm ofc its alot less addicting and doesnt absolutely wreck your attention span like tiktok has for me. i feel like not using tiktok other than for occasional posts and sending things to / receiving things from friends would make me a bit more productive as well as being better for me mentally. while it wont magically cure me from any mental illness itll make me feel better and probably help my stress a bit.

i really love the idea of using a tumblr blog to post whatever i want and like use as a digital diary of some kind,, its super fun imo. i had an old acc but it felt like more of a chore to keep up with so now it’s abandoned. speaking of that blog i may make a post being like “hey, im [here] now!!” because i had some neat mutuals there. i think its really neat to see people post about their day and share things they like and reblog everything that catches their eye yk! that may just be a me thing.

i want to redo my intro post a bit, because idk im a bit unhappy with it. (dont be surprised if i edit it mid-writing this or before i post this..) i really love to write but i havent had much motivation at all. i typically love researching my interests and taking notes on them but recently i havent been able to no matter how much i want to, maybe this diary / blogging kind of thing will help me get back on my feet with that :)

i really dont have a ‘yearning’ for anything at the moment, besides having the experience of like everyone else my age. idk how (hahaha) corny that may sound but like for background, im online schooled due to mental and physical disabilities, i dont have many friends online or in person, i rarely see anyone, and i live with my dad and see my mom sometimes and dont really have family outside of that. the family i do have i dont get along with very well or theyre distant (physically or emotionally.) the family i really consider is my dad, because hes always there for me, and my friend micah, but he lives like 9 hours away from me like a LOSER (ily bffie.) im a big believer on chosen family and he is that chosen family. ok i got sidetracked, what im saying is i have no social life really, dont have a place to get a social life (school), and cant really connect with people no matter how i try to. i want to live life like how i see in teen life films or tiktoks of people vlogging with their friends, hell id kill to even have an irl bestfriend to be around. i do have irl friends, and i do have close friends, but i dont see them often or have the personal connection of a mutual best-friend feeling. my dads probably my best friend but i need someone my age lmfao.

this post will be so long that no one will read it i garuntee but also i dont mind?? im not gonna spill my guts like someone wont read this but im not gonna act like i have a large audience. this will just be a nice thing to look back on and keep up unless i anxiously delete it whenever i look back on it (maybe in the morning)

im really tired of waking up at 3-4pm right now, but i cant sleep earlier than 5am no matter what i do. and if i manage to fall asleep at 2am or something i wake up an hour later or wake up at 4-5am panicking for some reason. i havent been to therapy in forever, my therapist is like not doing her job as well as id like and i have no doctor other than my pediatrician who doesn’t understand what im talking about ever!!

i just made this post and thats kinda what led to all of this ranting and wanting to write and shit. im sorta just tired of alot of social media and would love to find myself in other ways and use other forms of social media to share those things even though tumblr is a bit more dead than some things :) im gonna end this one here but if i write another tonight or early tomorrow (like the afternoon same day but it’s tomorrow to me) dont be surprised i love rambling to myself. now i think im going to make this post look cute, post it, redo my pinned intro, work on featured tags/a tagging system, then go from there ^^’

[deaughh]

:/

I feel like I’m at my wit’s end.

I’m trying incredibly hard to “get back into the rhythm” of things. I keep telling myself “i just need to get organized” have a schedule and I’ll be okay. I can’t do it.

I have no work life balance.

I quit my main job at the lab and am close to quitting my other lab position. Even with work out of the way, I feel like I’m being consumed by my schoolwork. (I dont even want to start thinking about how I’m going to make ends meet).

A fucking endless cycle of assignments that wont go away. The canvas notifications are starting to drive me insane. I get paralysis and cannot for the life of me complete simple assignments. And when I do miss them or small points it kills me a little inside since I’m a perfectionist (bullshit, I’m a fucken mess). I’m just tired of my one class because of all busy work and I cannot focus on my other more demanding class (ochem2).

My brain is trying so hard to conserve energy and stop me from what it thinks is a waste of time. I feel so exhausted all the time because of it.

I’m most likely overthinking but I’m just so sleep deprived I can barely function. My GI issues started up again too, woo! So that’s always fun to add to the mix.

I get sick, my stomach cannot hold down food, i eat very little. I have no appetite but i have to eat something. I wake up in the middle of the night with hunger pains and refuse to eat because I want to go back to sleep but can’t because of the pain.

I probably get 4 hours of sleep a night. I’ve been dying to have 6-7. i usually manage 5, if im lucky 6hrs, but it’s never full sleep. I always wake up in the middle.

I’ve stopped smoking to clear my head a bit but it’s not enough. I feel like a fucking nervous chihuahua. I feel like a leaf, shaking and about to fall off a tree. I hate feeling like this. This isnt me.

I hate what all of this does to me. I feel horrible. I dont wash my hair. My eye bags are as big as my eyes. There’s nothing I want more than to heal my body and feel better but I cannot take care of myself. I want to exercise but I have to stay in and do assignments. fml.

I don’t want my mental or physical health to get worse but I really feel like I’m slipping. I’m trying so hard, but it feels like I’m barely doing one thing a day. I feel insane.

But ya. It just feels like an endless cycle of trying to catch up.

My menthal health affects my physical and vice versa. I get mentally ill, i become physically ill as a response and it just makes me feel mentally worse and it spirals. Awesomesauce!

[codegengar]

schoolwork has slowed (as there are no pressing deadlines until starting next week, but i have not done any catching up on the lectures i have skipped...) and i am unemployed as of this week, so i have had a lot of time to myself once again.

there is such a striking contrast, now that i think about it between last week and the past few days. although those volatile, anger filled emotions from last week were facilitated by my job, i sometimes recoil in mental shock from the state of dissociative dread i relapse into once i do not have any form of human contact (besides my partner) throughout the week.

i felt that i was actually pretty stable the last two days as i had a lot of chores to do, as well as the fact that my partner was happy with me as i let him have sex with me. for the most part, i have refused most advances (basically everyday) and i feel like it does affect how his mood. this has happened early in our relationship, but i feel a little worse as now that we cohabitate together. besides the potential to contract more utis, i just feel so ugly. i do not have any desire to engage in any sexual activity anymore. although he might argue otherwise as i still masterbate, it's more as a habit for a quick dopamine hit (like doom scrolling on social media) than something i actually wish to do. today is another day where i refused in the morning, and he did not give me an enthusiastic good bye as he left for work.

i have this aggravating tendency to have my mood be dictated by how i perceive how people treat me. so i think this set the tone for the rest of today — just feeling a bit worthless and lost. i had done a lot of chores for the last two days, so there is nothing easy to throw myself into (another task that i need to do is organize / tidy up the two desks we have, but that will take up a lot of mental energy), unless i want to do the dishes for the 6th time this week (it is only wednesday!).

i feel like i tried so hard to set myself up for success, but i just disappoint myself every time. i bought an ipad, a floor desk, new stationery... yet i am paralyzed by the very thought of being productive in any capacity — whether it be a creative hobby, chores, schoolwork, or weight loss. eating pasta at 9pm for dinner definitely did not contribute to the latter.

how can i find the motivation to live life how i want to? i have asked this in therapy and i have thought about it a lot (but maybe not as much as i should), but moving away from your toxic, dysfunctional family does not make everything suddenly better. hell, maybe i hold the delusion that by being away from them five out of seven days a week, i suddenly do not have mental illness. even bigger hell, now that i have put forth these thoughts into a physical reality, i am treating and comparing myself to the capabilities of a neurotypical person. but i can be doing better. (that's the perfectionist in me talking.)

as my university friends start to graduate one by one, the more mentally isolated i feel from my peers since i am not only older but that _i don't care about academia_. maybe if i was younger and more passionate (and less cognitively damaged) i would fair well in university... but at this point i am just going because my parents want me to be academically credited for something as if that would help me in my future (well, it is better than nothing, i guess).

side note, i just realized that my spotify wrapped is out and seeing the music artist messages really helped me a lot. i feel kind of cheated that two of my top artists french composers though. i only listened to classical piano songs to help me sleep early in the year. gymnopédie by erik satie does slap though (but does it really need to be my number one spotify song for 2023?).

i'm playing valorant with some online friends, so i'll cut these thoughts short for tonight. maybe more later.

[mo0dy-succubus]

I'm still working on request so please bare with me, the fact that I have been getting alot of requests while working on other stories is wild I'm getting there pls I just need to focus before people send to much

Anyway to save my mental health from shattering from request and burning myself out I want to do something

Things abt me that literally Noone asked for:

1. I am short for my height like really really REALLY short(guess me height and you will get something from me idk I refuse to pay tho)

2. Eating gluten makes my stomach hurt I don't have celiac disease or wheat allergy, just gluten sensitive which is sad bc I love intalian food

3. I have 3 sisters and no brothers

4. One of them (besides me) likes kpop too

5. I won a math trophy, despite sucking ass at math,like VERY BADLY

6. I like cats

7. I have some very unpopular opinions on kpop that might get me canceled (anyone interested in hearing them???? 👀)

8. I like anime!

9. I cosplay and I have always been interested in the hobby (AAHHHH MY COSPLAY IS BAD AFFFF)(guess who I cosplay if you can ill drop hints if you want)

10. I'm a big flirt

11. Despite being one I catch feelings to fast

12. I also lose feelings too fast it's not you I swear it's me

13. Apparently I must have been so fruity that my mom and sister knew I was gay even before I came out (I came out as gay in 4th grade ik ik very young) look idk what gay ass things I did in my childhood for her to expect that 😭😭😭

14. I love stuffed animals.

15. I own 2 squishmallows but I want more.

16.❤🌌 I LOVE SPACE AND LEARNING ABT IT🌌❤

17. I watch educational videos for fun and entertainment

18. I also go to sleep with educational videos on(Ted ed, minuteearth,kurzgesagt etc)

19. I'm interested abt black holes

20. TMI, TMI,TMIIIII, when I was in middle school I was jealous of my sister who got her period before me (I'm the 2nd oldest)

21. I jinxed myself and got my first ever period when I was in 7th grade (funny story)

22. when I start my period the first day of it is utter HELL the cramps awesome shitty, but the 2nd day till I end I have nothing at all, I was blessed to not have period cramps😌😌😌

(Ok enough tmi...)

23. Did gymnastics

24. Since I did gymnastics I have very muscular arms and legs.

25. I'm losing it tho in my arms haha but my legs are thick compared to how I look and I feel like it looks weird

26. I'm a Capricorn I'm not into astrology bc idk much abt it lolllll

27. I had long hair before I cut it to my shoulders (my mom thinks I have long hair do to native Americans genes)

28. I love video games

29. I love legend of Zelda and animal crossing<3

30. I'm a little kid at heart if you can't tell

31. I like dancing!

32. Am I good at it? No absolutely not.

33. Dream pet is a hedgehog

34. Nobody knows how to say my middle name

35. For the longest time I never knew how to spell my middle name

36. I suck at holding pencils, my hand writing is crappy now bc my mom gave up on trying to teach me bc I apparently was THAT BAD

37. im single 🥲🥲🥲

28. SOME MEN, NOT ALL, scare me to death

39. I like to tell ppl my cousin is famous

40. (Last one for tonight!!!) I like graphic novels

This was fun I was wondering if I should do another soon 🤔🤔🤔

Well in the mean time I'm gonna try to finish these requests all at once wish me luck and pray I don't die 🤚😔

[viralhoax]

the death card

i’ve always felt like being dead was the best and worst thing you could be. if you’re dead, you’re free. the people around you live with the grief, though. it’s a double-edged sword. grief and death go hand-in-hand. i’m fixated on death and loss, sometimes in a nihilistic way, sometimes in a fearful way, always in a way of “if i was dead…”. my own mortality isn’t as scary as the mortality of the people, animals, places and things i love, though. regardless of whether someone or something is at its end, or it has been waiting to die, or it is swift and spontaneous, it is almost always shocking or painful in some way. 

i hold onto things until they are no longer breathing, either a fool or a murderer myself. 

i have a problem with ripping off bandaids, i have a problem with wounds in general. the what-if-ism of everything makes me stagnant and stand in place, holding onto something i should be letting go. like a firefly in a jar with no holes, i keep its beauty alive momentarily and mourn the corpses left behind, as if i am not the one who captured them to begin with, as if i am not the one who lacked the foresight to put the holes in the jar. so i sit with a jar of bug carcasses on my mantle, admiring that they were once alive, talking as if they are still lighting up the room. 

catching myself in my own web, staring at myself outside my body, i can watch myself squirm as i am caught up in problems that i have made for myself. and when you’re caught in a web that you made, only you know how to get out. i’m very forgetful, so i might as well just stay here.

sometimes it is time for something to move to its next phase. i’ve been pulling the death card multiple times a week for a couple weeks now in my morning tarot reading. putting stock into the cards and stars drives my faith and decisions, but i do not always want to hear what they have to say. sometimes, the universe shoves the answer in my face repeatedly. screaming at me while i am canceling out their voice with green noise to calm my constant anxiety instead of grounding myself and listening, i’m hearing that i need change. i need change. this needs to change. all things have to end.

did you know that doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome is the literal definition of insanity? i find myself crazymaking, but only to myself. no, you’re crazy — you’re sensitive, you’re ridiculous, you’re emotional, it’s your mental illness, it’s your PTSD, it’s that, it’s this. as if i would ever speak to even an acquaintance that way. 

revisit when you’re not feeling this way. revisit when the planets align in favor of the situation. revisit when you’re more stable. only you can control your reactions. yada, yada, fucking yada. i tell myself that i’m wrong so that i can be in control of the outcome — i can apologize. i can move on. i can make amends. i can make this work. sleep on it. smoke about it. talk it out. write it out. it doesn’t feel so bad today so keep going. 

there’s a metaphor about boiling a frog. maybe you’ve heard it. something along the lines of, you put a frog in water and keep turning the temperature up slowly. when it’s too hot, the frog will try to jump out, but it’ll be too late. what happens if you boil a tadpole? do they immediately resign to their fate or do they grow up in the heat, learning to live within it, growing their strength until they’re froggy enough to jump out? i’d like to think it’s the latter. sometimes i feel like a boiled tadpole turned frog — burnt up with legs that barely work, but i’m ready to jump. 

i’ve been here before, drowning in this lake on fire. i’ve been here before, it all feels too familiar. i’ve been here before, and i don’t want to be. i’ve been here before, how the fuck do i get out? i thought i learned to stay away from the unexplored depths. i thought i learned. why haven’t i learned? and so continues the spiral of shame, of self-blame, of wondering why this death feels so reminiscent of the deaths before.

the reaper and i, we’re on weird terms. i fear his wrath, i keep him at a distance, but his number is still in my phone. i never reach out, but i know he’s always there. and sometimes, he makes decisions for me and i don’t even know. sometimes i see him riding a horse on a card that tells me it’s time to kill the things that bring you pain, even if killing it also brings you pain. his presence allows me to see from a distance, except i’m not caught in my own web this time. i have a bird’s eye view to the world and how small i am in comparison, and how my choices need to matter to me. 

if i am eulogized, i don’t want to be remembered as “the person who did it all, all the time”. i want to be remembered as a person. but to be remembered as one, i should start acting like one. 

acceptance of the end is the most mortal thing you can do. death is closer than it isn’t. sentences have periods, and time has markers.  

this death may be a rebirth, or it may be just a death, but either way, i am becoming human again, one ending at a time.

[jungk0oksthighs]

Over The Odds | Surprise

Pairing - jungkook x reader

Genre - smut, angst, fluff, ceo!jungkook, sugardaddy!jungkook

Word count - 5.7k

You’re offered a life changing opportunity 

warnings: mentions of mental health illnesses, mental health facility, toxic family members, oral sex (f receiving), passionate prone bone sex, soft jk & oc

FULL SERIES COLLECTION

Jungkook’s home has become your safe haven, a place to escape reality and catch a moment of breathing space when life gets tough. The familiar scent of musk and vanilla adds a certain nostalgia to the air, you miss him, he’s at work a lot of the time but has given you free reign of his place whenever sleeping in Jimin’s bed proves too much for you. It’s been one month since Ruth’s arrest, one month since Jennie had also been taken into police custody for her part in all of this too. Finally, fucking finally you’re beginning to feel like a ginormous weight has lifted from your shoulders.

Telling your parents what your sister had done was no easy task, your mum broke down in floods of tears and blamed herself: ‘maybe I raised her the wrong way’, ‘maybe I should’ve been there for her more’, and the one that stung the most, ‘I should’ve seen this coming’. Your father had a similar reaction, locking himself in his office for what felt like a lifetime to silently ponder all the parental mistakes he made, searching for the signs he overlooked before.

After a lengthy discussion with Taehyung you were advised that Ruth is probably going to be sent to a mental health institute to battle her demons rather than prison. A professional had conducted an examination on your sister, revealing that she is suffering with a collection of illnesses that alter her personality. As far as you’re aware she’s undergoing treatments and responding well to the medication, it’s hard to say for sure because you haven’t visited her yourself – only your parents have, initially to seek answers from their oldest daughter but you suspect they keep going back out of guilt.

Thankfully no legal repercussions came from Jungkook fighting with Namjoon, he’s assured you that there’s no footage of him ever being there and Taehyung has also advised that if anything is to creep up, he’s more than prepared for it with a catalogue of receipts proving why Joon isn’t a reliable source and any claims he makes shouldn’t be taken seriously by the law. 

The hole in your heart from Namjoon’s infidelity has healed, however the betrayal of your sister is currently a working progress. If it wasn’t for Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung and Yoongi god only knows how you would be feeling right now. Things are settling down some, you’re applying for jobs left right and centre but to no avail, not yet – Jungkook has been taking care of you in every way possible: emotionally, physically, financially, despite your frequent protests telling him he doesn’t need to.

It's a Friday morning when you’re sitting in your boyfriend’s kitchen, propped up on the counter top in short silky pyjamas with a coffee in one hand and your phone in the other. You’re mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, saving a few outfit inspiration posts that catch your eye when the device rings, displaying an unknown number.

“Hello?” You answer lazily, confused.

A woman who sounds to be mid thirties replies, “Hello, good morning, is this Y/N?”

“Who’s calling please?” You frown, sipping at your steaming drink.

“My name is Linda, I work for the BBC. Just to confirm am I speaking to Y/N?”

“…The BBC?” You cock your head to one side, “Yeah this is Y/N, what can I do for you?”

“Brilliant! I’m calling today to arrange a meeting with you if possible, I work in television and we’re currently looking into a documentary on cyber crimes against women in the UK. I’m very interested in sharing your story, with your consent of course. You’re quite the celebrity these days and I think with your platform we could really shine a light on this topic and the repercussions that come from stories like yours.”

Your jaw drops, you’re frowning, eyes wide, heart quickening.

“I-,” You’re at a total loss for words, this is something that you feel so strongly about and the chance to potentially help others who have gone through similar experiences is something you’re very much interested in doing, “That sounds like something I’d be interested in doing, when can we meet?”

“How does next Thursday at 2PM sound?”

“That would be great, thank you so much for calling me…” You’re wearing a surprised smile, already excited about the prospect of this new opportunity.

“No thank you for taking my call, take care Y/N we’ll see you next week and please feel free to brainstorm any ideas you may have, we’d like you to be as involved in this project as possible.”

“Thank you, have a good day.” You end the call with a single tap of the thumb, throwing yourself off the kitchen countertop with a grin to get ready for the day ahead.

BBC want your help sharing your story about cyber crimes against women? This could open up so many doors for your career, maybe you can even make use of your business degree and turn the hellish events of this year into something much, much bigger. Your brains doing overtime when you do your hair and makeup after a quick shower, deciding today is a day for celebration. You shimmy yourself into a champagne slip dress, a recent gift from your boyfriend, and grunge it down with some converse and an oversized black leather jacket.

The paparazzi are already waiting outside Jungkook’s building for you, as they usually are these days, so you offer them a small smile and wave before making your way to Jimin’s place to tell him your surprising yet very exciting news.

“Y/N? What are you doing here it’s not even 10AM.” Jimin rubs the sleep from his eye in his matching blue pyjamas, stepping to one side to let you in.

“Good morning sunshine. The BBC just called me, they want me to be in a documentary about cyber crimes against women.” You blurt in excitement which seems to wake your best friend up as he’s grinning just as widely as you are.

“Whoa, Y/N that’s amazing! Are you gonna do it?”

“Maybe? I think it could be a good thing to help them with this?”

Jimin pulls you in for a hug in the cluttered living space, you notice there’s cardboard boxes scattered about the apartment, “I think it’s a great thing, I’m so proud of you—”

“For having sex on camera?” You chuckle against his warm neck, “No but really, I wanna raise awareness for this type of thing, I already have so many ideas to tell them.”

“What’s Jungkook said about it?” He peels back and you catch a glimpse of Yoongi over his shoulder, shuffling around in pyjamas similar to Jimin’s.

“I’m gonna tell him tonight, they only called this morning.” You smile, waving at the newest member of your small friendship circle. “What’s with all the boxes?”

At this his face drops into something guilty, he turns away from you to boil the kettle and make everybody a drink, “Uh-, Y/N…”

“What?”

“Come on let’s sit down.”

And so you do, choosing to settle on the arm chair with your freshly made herbal tea as the couple take the small sofa along the next wall. Yoongi and Jimin, or yoonmin as you’ve affectionately labelled them, are the epitome of the perfect couple. They’re great together, in the time you’ve known them as a unit you’ve learned that their personalities couldn’t be more different even if they tried. Where Jimin is loud, sometimes overbearing and outgoing Yoongi is more reserved, introverted but his one-liner jokes always have a way of catching you off guard.

“What’s going on?” You quirk a brow, heart melting when your gaze finds Yoongi soothingly rubbing small patterns on Jimin’s thigh.

“The tenancy agreement on this place runs out next month,” Jimin sighs, “So… I’m gonna move in with Yoongi, but don’t worry we’ve spoken about it and—”

“And you can move in with me too, I live in Jungkook’s building… My apartment isn’t as big or luxurious as his but I have a guest bedroom that—”

“That we can decorate and make it yours, nothing has to change I still want us to live together—”

“We want you to live with us.” Yoongi corrects his boyfriend with a content nod and gummy smile, his newly bleached silver hair falling into his eyes.

“Guys…” You’re laughing breathily, taken aback by their gesture bless their sweet souls, “Thank you, really thank you so much but… I mean I practically live at Jungkook’s anyway, I can always talk to him and see if he’s ready to take the next step in our relationship and… Yknow… If not I can go back to my parents’ house it’s no big deal.” You nervously chew your lower lip, you want to live with Jungkook, hell in a way it feels like you already do, but you don’t know if he feels the same way.

“No really you can live with us Y/N, don’t feel like you have to ask anybody else.” Yoongi guzzles the rest of his morning coffee, promptly standing from the sofa, “Anyway I’ve gotta go get changed and get to work, I’ll see you both soon.”

“I mean it Y/N you can live with us, I’ve already picked out the colour scheme of your new bedroom.” Jimin beams like a proud dad, winning you to kick your head back with a laugh.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one who does that?”

“Well you’ve had a really traumatic six months… I thought I could lighten your burden.” He justifies with a mocking nod, hand clutching his heart.

“Ah, well thank you so much.”

“How are you doing now?”

“You mean since I saw you yesterday?” You giggle, “I’m fine.”

“No but really… How are you doing? Have you heard anything from uh-, Ruth?” He almost looks guilty when her name leaves his lips, though he has no reason to feel that way. It’s not like he was the one who betrayed you.

“My parents have been visiting her… She’s not well, but I haven’t spoken to her myself since she was arrested.”

“Are you going to speak to her?” Jimin’s question catches you off-guard, you almost drop your drink as you mull over what he’s asking of you. Do you want to see her? To speak to her? After everything she’s done?

You shake your head slowly, “Probably not, I hope she gets all the help she needs but to be frank with you I don’t want to be a part of her life anymore.”

“Understandable. So tell me more about this documentary!” 

The rest of your morning is filled with Jimin trying to convince you to live with him and his partner, to which you do begin to consider it – maybe living with them would be the best thing. You’ll still be close to Jungkook, a lot closer than if you moved back into your family home, and you wouldn’t have to put a strain on your relationship by asking to move in either. It’s after a food delivery and endless conversations about the future with your bestie that you decide to head back to Kook’s apartment; excited to tell him about your new opportunity.

--

Back at the penthouse you’re busying yourself by hanging up Jungkook’s dry cleaning in his walk-in closet, it’s a little after six pm when the elevator chimes signalling his arrival. He looks fucking delicious today, as always, wearing grey and black checked trousers with a black shirt tucked into them, the first few buttons undone exposing his tanned skin. His hair is pushed back away from his face, flaunting his thick brows and chiselled features that soften upon seeing you when he steps inside the bedroom.

“You look…amazing baby,” His stare hungrily drags itself up the way the champagne coloured dress hugs your curves, “What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion,” You shrug, smiling when he makes his way over, “How was work?”

“Ah yknow, bit of this a bit of that… Same shit different day.” He chuckles, his expensive cologne flooding your senses when he stands behind your frame, snaking his strong arms around your waist, “Is this new? Don’t think I’ve seen you wear it before, and I’m sure I would’ve remembered...” He squeezes the material of your dress, peppering your neck with dainty kisses.

“Mhm, my boyfriend bought me it last week actually.” You hum amused, trying to ignore the way your stomach knots with each of his little touches as you hang up the last of his suit jackets.

“Ahh, now I remember. He has good taste.”

“Well I guess there is kind of an occasion,” You loll your head to one side, granting him further access to your sensitive skin, his dark bangs tickle the flesh of your earlobe, “I’ve been asked to help the BBC with a documentary they’re doing on cyber crimes against women.”

“What?” He pulls his head back, spinning you in place until the swell of your breasts are flush with his toned chest, “That’s… Y/N that’s incredible, are you gonna do it?” His eyes are trained to yours, his smile genuine and brightening up the otherwise dark room.

To this you lift your shoulders, “Maybe? I mean I want to, it’s a topic not enough people talk about. I have a meeting with them next week to discuss it properly.” His hands find purchase on your waist, gripping you tightly.

“Well whatever you decide to do you have my full support, I know things have been rough for you and if this is a way for you to get closure and take control of the situation then I’m all for it.”

You hadn’t even thought about it like that, maybe sharing your story and what you went through with the video leak will be good for you, therapeutic even. Maybe it will give you closure, discussing your emotions and shining a light on the repercussions of revenge porn. You bring your arms to his broad shoulders, lightly grazing your manicured fingertips on the nape of his neck, winning a content sigh to fall from your boyfriends lips.

“You know I could get used to this.” He rests his forehead against yours with a breathy chuckle.

“Don’t destroy this one and I’ll wear it more often then.” You giggle, pressing your lips to his in an open-mouthed kiss.

“Mm, you know that I’m not talking about the dress,” He hums against you, your teeth almost clink together because of how much you’re both smiling, “I meant you being here when I get back from work.”

“I’m pretty much always here now.” You kiss him again, this time swiping your tongue over his lips earning yourself another sigh. He walks you backwards out of the closet until your knees hit the foot of his bed, his mouth never leaving yours when the kiss deepens into something more…desperate.

“I’m just saying,” You can feel how hard he’s already getting against your abdomen, his voice is husky and deep with seduction, yet quiet against your lips, “Maybe you should bring more things here, I like that you’re here a lot.”

“A little too much apparently.” You snake a hand down to cup his length, he hisses before shaking his head in disbelief with a smile.

“You’re such a fucking brat.”

“Mhm, I get that quite often.”

“Oh yeah? Maybe you should learn how to behave then.” Your back hits the mattress with a small ‘oomf’ from your end when he pushes you onto the bed, crawling on top of you and caging you in with his muscular arms.

“Maybe.” You repeat with a smirk, hands gliding to his shirt buttons where you get to work in undoing them, “But maybe you secretly like that I’m such a brat.”

“It’s not much of a secret at this point now, is it?” He smashes his lips to yours in a series of lewd frenzied kisses that has you weak at the knees embarrassingly fast. You quickly rid him of his shirt, fingernails tracing the intricate patterns of his body art.

A small whine escapes you when he holds your hands above your head with one of his, pinning you in place. His other gets to work on hiking your dress up until the material pools your middle, exposing the pretty purple lacey thong you decided to wear today. He licks the shell of your ear before taking it between his teeth.

“Jungkook…” You breathe, desperate to feel more of him.

“Sometimes I forget how sensitive you are...” He murmurs, repeating his previous action until your hips are buckling up into his in search of friction. Thankfully he recognises your neediness and two inked fingers find their way to the waistband of your underwear, playfully twanging it, you can feel him smirking against your neck.

“Please…” You whimper, hands struggling against his hold.

He pulls back to sit on his knees, searching for the zipper of your dress. Your hands are finally free but you freeze, body tensing up as you stop him. You haven’t been completely naked in front of him, sober, in a very long time. Every time you’d been intimate with him you’d found a way to keep your lingerie on, or wore something with easy access that didn’t need removing completely. You still feel insecure about your body ever since it was publicly exposed.

“No-, stop.” You prop yourself up on your elbows, Jungkook stops in his tracks immediately with big brown doe eyes zoned in on your face.

“Are you okay?” He’s worried, but you’re distracted by the way his muscles flex under the dim lighting of his bedroom.

“Yeah yeah,” You nod quickly to reassure him, “Just leave the dress on please.”

“Y/N…” His brows are knitted together in confusion, “Why?”

At this you sigh, somewhat under pressure, “I just don’t feel-, please?”

“Baby…” His voice is low and quiet, he’s gripping your thighs gently, “You’re perfect, you know that right? So fucking perfect.” He lowers his mouth to your open thighs, gently sucking the flesh between a series of licks and kisses, winning a soft moan from you. “I love you so much baby…”

“I love you too.”

“Do you trust me?” His breath is warm against your skin as he slowly makes his way up to your underwear.

“You know I do.” You whisper, lying flat on your back against the bed sheets.

“Then please… Don’t cover up this beautiful body of yours…” He takes your lingerie between his teeth, playfully pulling it back. A groan erupts from your chest when he licks at your barely clothed clit, his hooded eyes are glued to yours, “I wanna see all of you, I wanna feel all of you… You’re perfect, so fucking perfect.”

“Please touch me Jungkook…”

You’re twisting the sheets beneath you when he hooks his fingers into your panties, dragging them down your legs painfully slow before you’re kicking them off the bed. He’s taking his time with you tonight, littering your folds with small kisses before finally he takes your clit between his lips and sucks gently.

“Fuck,” You throw your head back, body feeling ten million times hotter than it did when he first got back.

“You like that baby?” He hums, proud, flattening his tongue against your sensitive bundle of nerves where he traces small, familiar patterns – the same patterns he always does, making you come undone every time without fail, “You like it when I eat you out like this?”

“Mmm, yeah I do…” You push your core up to meet his mouth, his tongue massages your clit rhythmically.

He shifts on the bed, laying flat on his toned stomach as he continues to lap up your growing arousal. You’re growing wetter and wetter by the minute, the lewd noises of his mouth against you fill the otherwise quiet atmosphere and heat spreads your abdomen.

“Keep going.” You mewl.

“Take your dress off for me baby,” Jungkook’s stare is fuelled by nothing other than lust, “Please, you don’t need to hide from me Y/N.”

Lazily your fingers find the zipper and soon you’re pulling the champagne silk off your figure, exposing your matching purple bra which is sheer enough to see your nipples through it. You’re too turned on to feel insecure, Jungkook groans at the sight of your exposed body, burying his face between your folds with a new found determination.

“And your bra.” He mumbles.

Within minutes you’re completely naked and spread wide for your boyfriend, he’s eating you out so passionately and so messily that you’re already close to seeing stars. You yell something that sounds like his name when his arms reach up to your bare breasts, thumbing and rubbing your nipples, his touch featherlight but has you a writhing mess within minutes.

“You taste so fucking good baby.” He moans. The sound vibrates against you until it reaches your insides, adding to your growing orgasm while he speeds up his ministrations.

“Jungkook, fuck-“ You’re a panting mess, rolling your hips against his face. You peer down at him, it’s like he’s hypnotised by your pussy, suckling it so hard and perfectly in sync with the way he’s pinching your nipples. After a few particularly harsh licks and flicks of his tongue you welcome the white hot heat that threatens to spill, fingertips flying to his raven locks where you pull him impossibly closer, “There, oh my g-, right there, don’t stop! I’m gonna! Don’t stop!”

And he doesn’t, keeping the pace even until you’re empty hole is convulsing, pulsating as you cream all over his mouth and chin with a deafeningly loud moan. As always he helps you ride out your high, slowing his movements when he laps up every last drop of your come while you try and steady your heaving breaths.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, I love watching you come for me...” He exhales, gaze lost in yours. The way he looks at you as he crawls on top of your frame should be illegal, a shaky sigh leaves your lips when his come down to meet them, swallowing your pleas to be fucked. Your arousal lingers on his tongue, the taste swirls against yours and floods your senses.

“Please fuck me, please…please…” You whine.

He falls weak to you begs, quickly ridding himself of his checked pants and boxers, roughly gripping the bend of your waist, “Turn over.” He orders, voice low and dangerous.

You obey, rolling onto your front until your breasts mould against the mattress. Jungkook spreads your legs with his knees before lowering his body onto yours, holding his weight with his arms. He’s kissing your back, his multitalented tongue darting out with kittenish licks on your bare skin.

“Jungkook please.” You whine into the pillow, turning your face to the side.

“What do you want baby? Tell me.” His voice is merely a whisper.

“I want you to fuck me…” You gnaw your lower lip with desperation growing between your already shaky legs.

At this he lines himself up with your entrance, teasingly brushing his length between your sopping folds winning you both to groan in anticipation. There’s a ringing in your ears similar to white noise when he finally, agonisingly slowly, pushes every rock hard inch of himself into your core from behind.

A gasp tumbles from your lips when he rocks his hips into you, his pelvis pressing hard against the fat of your ass cheeks with each movement. He feels so big from this position, filling you up in the most devilishly good way possible. You push your ass up as much as you can, until his shaft brushes against your sensitive and spongey g-spot with every thrust.

“Jungkook.” You mouth falls into a silent ‘o’, eyes scrunched from pleasure.

“You’re amazing,” He breaths against your neck between lewd kisses against your skin, “You’re fucking amazing Y/N.”

You’re panting a chorus of ‘please’ ‘fuck’ ‘yes’ ‘Jungkook’ in sync with each time he fills you up to the brim, the crown of his cock pressing against your cervix hard enough to bruise.

“I love you so much… Fuck, I love you princess.” The new pet name whispered between soft groans sends a pang of heat to your abdomen, your second orgasm already approaching, “Touch yourself for me, rub that perfect little clit.”

Snaking a hand down the bed you find the sweet spot with ease and begin to do as he says, tracing small circles over the area in time with the deep yet slow rolls of his hips.

“That’s it, fuck-,” A guttural moan rips from his throat at the way your walls squelch and tighten around him, he knows you’re close, he can tell by your wayward breathing and the way you’re writhing under his weight, “You feel so good, I could fuck you like this forever.”

“Faster, go faster please…” You beg shamelessly.

At this he shakes his head, his damp hair tickling your shoulder, “Nice and slow baby… Nice and slow.”

Pained moans leap from your chest that’s heaving against the bed linen, he’s never been this gentle and passionate with you. The way he’s fucking into you sensually, holding himself in place with one arm as the other comes down to explore your curves, his fingertips grazing every spot on one side of your body until his palm finds purchase on your hip, fingernails digging into your skin when he grips you, pulling your bodies even closer.

“So close…” You warn him with a strangled whimper, speeding up the way your own hand rubs your throbbing clit.

“Go on, give me another one,” He’s equally as breathless as you when he takes the flesh of your neck between his teeth, “Come for me, your pussies already so wet—”

He’s cut off by his own throaty moan, the sound so deep it’s borderline a growl when your second orgasm hits, your hole clenching his thick length so sinfully that you’re nothing more than a blubbering mess beneath him, totally and completely fucked out. Both hands fly to the pillow that you’re squeezing and twisting in your grip, body jolting and shaking as you ride out the wave of euphoria.

“You’re so tight, ah-,” He hisses, kissing your temple.

“Kook…” You’re in a post-bliss daze, barely able to catch your breath. Your mind is blank, unable to concentrate on anything other than the sensations and sounds of Jungkook slowly splitting open your slippery walls. “Oh my god-“

It’s not long before his own orgasm approaches, his grunts turn into whines and his thrusts become messy, he never speeds up though, not once. He rocks his cock in and out of you at a leisurely pace until he’s chanting your name under ragged breaths. You peek back at him for a moment, the sight alone makes you gasp. His eyes are squeezed shut, kiss-swollen lips ajar, messy sweat-stained hair covers forehead and thick brows.

“You’re gonna make me come baby…” His hooded eyes flutter open for a second, his gaze locked onto yours before he buries his head into your shoulder with a loud, gravelly groan, spilling his hot seed into you.

Jungkook stills for a few minutes before rolling off, laying next to you with a glistening chest and worn-out smile, “You’re something else.” He chuckles, playfully spanking your ass. You can’t move, you’re still laid flat on your stomach untrusting of your wobbly limbs to hold your weight in any other position.

“I didn’t do anything.” You hum with a tired grin, “It was that dress.”

“I can assure you, you look much better without it.”

“Hmm.” You bury your face into the pillow, somewhat embarrassed.

“I’m serious,” He starts, lazily draping his arm round your middle, “You’re perfect, this body…”

“Jungkook, stop it.” You’re laughing when he shifts his position, choosing the straddle your hips with his palms massaging your shoulders. You melt under his touch, feeling the epitome of relaxed when he begins to work a particular knot between your shoulder blades with his thumbs.

“That laugh,” He sighs lovingly, “Your smile, your eyes… You’re perfect.”

“Mmm.” You neither agree nor disagree, instead choosing to enjoy this impromptu massage from your boyfriend.

“Y/N...”

“Mmm?” You glance back at him, to which he flashes you a coy boy-ish smile.

“Move in with me.”

“What?” This gets your attention, your limbs are heavy and weak but you manage to roll onto your back, blushing at how Kook is now straddling your front as opposed to your back.

“I’m serious, I want us to live together...”

You’re grinning up at him with hopeful eyes, “Really? You think we’re ready for that?”

“Definitely.” He nods with a smile brighter than ten thousand suns, folding his body until your lips meet again in a heartfelt, blissful kiss.

--

The week flies by, your meeting with the BBC goes better than you had hoped. The main producer Linda, the woman who called you, loved your ideas and is eager to share your story with the world and has given you full creative control in how you want it to be portrayed. You’ve signed a contract with them, it’s officially happening, amongst other exciting opportunities.

“A TV appearance?” Jungkook repeats.

“Mhm, once we’re done filming… To promote the documentary.”

You’re sitting on his lap, being careful not to shift around on top of him too much and save him from an awkward encounter since you’re not alone. It’s pizza night, Taehyung has joined you both for the evening at yours and Jungkook’s now shared apartment but doesn’t seem to mind the obvious semi-public display of affection.

“What’re your plans after the documentary? Like, what are you going to do with it?” Taehyung asks, taking a chomp out of his Hawaiian pizza. Everybody is dressed casually tonight, the three of you in sweats and hoodies while you enjoy some down time together.

“Glad you asked,” You snap your fingers and point to him, rolling your eyes with a smile at Kook who can’t seem to end the string of cheese coming from his own pizza no matter how hard he tries, “I’m finally gonna put my degree to use, I want to start a company that helps women in similar situations to mine… Pay for their legal help when they can’t afford it, provide them with the right resources to get them justice, offer counselling and so on.”

“Like a charity?” Tae raises his brows, seemingly impressed.

You nod, breaking the melted cheese away from Jungkook’s slice for him with your fingers, “Yeah, yknow I never knew what I wanted to do with my degree up until now, I’ve already got a few investors interested in funding the first year.”

“By investors do you mean Guk?”

“Nah,” Jungkook chuckles though he looks vaguely defeated, “She wants to do this on her own, I’ve tried telling her I’ll provide any funding she needs but—”

“But I want the entire thing to be founded by, funded by, and ran by women. Female attorneys, female counsellors, female staff.” You say proudly.

“Isn’t that a little sexist?” Taehyung clicks his tongue but you can’t help but notice he’s impressed by your ambition, his feline eyes wide and glistening when he smiles.

You offer him a small shrug, “I don’t think it is, I just want to give victims of cybercrime and revenge porn a safe space to talk about it and statistically most victims are women. Besides there’s plenty of companies out there that are run by only men.”

“Touché.”

“I’m telling you now,” Jungkook’s palm finds the small of your back, “You’ve got this, I know you can do anything you set your mind to.”

Your hand gently grips his chin and you angle his face towards yours, planting a chaste kiss to his lips which he reciprocates, “Thank you.”

“Any time.” He mumbles against your mouth with a grin, stealing another kiss.

“Guys c’mon I’m right here.” Taehyung complains, averting his eyes away from the scene, “Just because you live here now doesn’t mean I wanna see it every time I come over.”

Jungkook pulls away, facing his best friend with a smirk, “Sorry.”

Your phone vibrates inside your pocket, earning you to jump up from Kook’s lap much to his disappointment, “Hang on,” You hold up a single digit, “It’s my mum I’ll be right back.” You saunter out the room, closing the master bedroom door behind you.

“Hello?”

“Hi Y/N it’s just me…” Your mum’s voice is soft as she announces herself, despite the fact you knew full well it was her calling from her contact name and display picture.

“Everything okay?” You sit on the bed.

There’s a brief pause on the line, “It’s your sister…”

“Mum.” You cut her off sternly, she knows full well you want nothing to do with her after everything she’s done, “I told you I don’t want to know.”

“I know, I know,” Her voice is laced with guilt, “But she wanted me to pass on a message and I said that I would.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose vaguely irritated, “What’s the message?”

“She wants you to go and visit her.”

You bite back a scoff, “Why?”

“She wouldn’t say.”

“The answer is no.” You say with confidence, “I’m sorry mum, but I can’t. I don’t want her in my life after what she did. I’m not going.”

At this your mother sighs, you feel her pain of course you do, Ruth is her first born child and she will always love her no matter what she’s done and you don’t hate her for that. After all there’s nothing stronger than a maternal bond, “Okay, I’ll let her know... But since you’re not going to see her yourself there’s something you should know...”

“What?” You mumble, attempting to ignore the hurt in her voice.

“Ruth... She’s pregnant.” 

x