#I blame Voyager from my childhood | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sailorhyunjinz · 3 years

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𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝕾𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖘 𝐈

Pairing; Bartender!Changbin x Fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warning ; ANGST!! SMUT!! skz side characters, semi-slow burn, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, depiction of mental disorders, consumption of alcohol, under the influence, self hatred, complicated family relationships, depersonalisation/derealisation, depression, alternative universe, implications of su-cide, semi su-cide attempt, su-cidal!reader, mentions of bl-od and injury, mentions of k-dnapping and murder, alcoholism, mentions of selfh-rm, mentions of knifes, gaslighting, smoking, mentions of weapons, mentions of pregnancies, a bunch of crying, fainting, toxic masculinity.

𝘕𝘚𝘍𝘞 ; piv, protected sex (use of condom), missionary, dry humping, nicknames, sex in semi-public place, fingering, corruption kink if you squint, orgasm (m/f), cum,,,, other then that it’s kinda vanilla.

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ; 14.3 k

O N E ｜ T W O

From one survivor to another; cheers you guys.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ Playlist ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT - Bea Miller, Aminè]

[Multi-Love - Unknown Mortal Orchestra]

[Beach Baby - Bon Iver]

[High Enough - K.Flay]

[Dope Lovers - DPR IAN]

[Make Out in My Car ; Sufjan Stevens Version - Sufjan Stevens]

[I Feel it Coming ; The weekend, Daft Punk]

[Space Song ; Beach House] (ah the loml and the album is called depression cherry so it makes me happy)

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 18.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 ; 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲

“Let me out!! LET ME OUT!”

You cry out, banging on the heavy wooden door until your knuckles bruise, red marks leaving their traces on your soft skin. The only lightsource is the tiny cell window, sun shining brightly and illuminating thousands of dust specks, floating around you like your lost hopes. The grey cement walls got closer and closer, seconds ticking in your head like a clock.

This is it.

This is how you die.

Crushed to death like a bug, your ambitions never getting their chance to prove themselves. All that you ever wanted to achieve was an impossibility as you were slowly but surely pressed together in the ever shrinking room.

Salty tears roll down your cheek, a feeling of hopelessness washing over you as you turn your back against the door, sliding down to your feet, banging the back of your head lightly against the entrance.

You feel the rough walls hitting both sides of your forearms, a last ear deafening scream leaving your parted lips.

Until you woke up.

With a series of jerking motions you sit up, panting like you just ran a marathon, the pounding of your heart audible to you. Darkness swallowed you as the night progressed, you considering yourself lucky to find yourself in your comfortable bed, still in your room.

Only after minutes do you notice your wet cheeks, the tears not being limited to your dream world. You blink, your coated eyelashes weighing heavy on your eyelids as you wipe tears with the back of your hand. The shock from your dream didn’t reside, you now being too afraid to fall back on your plushy pillow, fearful of what horrible dreams awaited you on the other side.

You grab your phone from the nightstand, immediately being hit with a bright light causing you to squint and turn away momentarily.

[Search: being crushed dream meaning]

Multiple articles from all sorts of sketchy websites popped up, you clicking on the first one.

“Stress or emotionally overwhelmed”

You laugh lazily, the dream making sense as you feel yourself slipping back into a peaceful slumber, phone still in hand as the muscles in your face relax, jaw opening, your dream world once again inviting you for a dance.

The sun woke you up with it’s radiant rays shining in your face, the closed blinds barely able to withstand them. Your phone was lying on the floor face down, you must have dropped it while sleeping you thought before rubbing your eyes from any dirt and staring up at the ceiling.

Another day

Another day that I’m here.

You wish you could pull the covers over your head, get lost in your own mind and never deal with the outside world ever again. But you had to.

You picked up your phone from the dusty floor that hadn’t been cleaned for weeks, you simply didn’t have the motivation to do it. The bright phone screen awaked you, you blinked your eyes a couple of times to see clearer.

[3 Missed Calls - Mom]

You couldn’t be bothered to call her back. She was only gonna nag at you for not calling back earlier, wondering what you’ve been up to now that you’ve been fired from your job as a receptionist at the local hotel. What were you gonna say? Drinking too much booze and crying yourself to sleep every night? You couldn’t, that would only hurt her.

Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

You got up, legs wobbling as you stumbled to the bathroom, head pounding from the amount of alcohol you consumed the night prior. Not with friends but alone, in your living room, in the one room apartment you no longer could afford.

Ice cold water splashed onto your sweaty face, that being the only hygiene you could muster today. You turned the tap off, grabbing a towel and wiping your face and looking deep into your own eyes.

That’s not me.

That’s not me looking back.

You poked your tongue out, hoping the figure in the mirror wouldn’t move and you could confirm your thoughts but alas the figure followed you. You felt crazy, it was as if you’ve died a long time ago but still saw everything that happened. You could stick your hand through a wall and it would disappear you thought, nothing was real. Not even you.

You entered your mess of a living room, seeing the wreck from yesterday night. Countless green glass bottles scattered on the table in front of the tv that was your only escape from reality. Blankets and pillows were thrown across the floor along with a box of tissues, your emotions bubbling up to the surface too often resulting in you crying and shaking on the floor, a feeling of fear washing over you late at night.

You felt alone.

But you weren’t.

Fuck, why were you so ungrateful? You had everything. A roof over your head, a family that loves you, friends, food on the table. Yet, even this couldn’t satisfy you. You blamed yourself for everything.

For your work firing you.

For your parents divorcing.

For your own pathetic life.

You shook your head as if you were shaking the negative thoughts out of your head, instead grabbing a couple of the empty bottles that were reeking with the scent of liquor and placing them on the kitchen counter. ‘Cleaning up’ in your eyes.

With a thump your back landed against the couch that swallowed you, engulfing you in a comforting embrace you got from no other person or object. This was your safe space you thought but not even your couch could save you from your intrusive reasonings. With a light click on the remote the tv screen lit up, your eyes still not used to the brightness since you’re always cooped up in your apartment where the blinds were always closed, another barrier between you and reality.

Nature documentaries, your favorite.

The calming male voice of the narrator being the only one you talked to during your lonely days. The animals could make you forget. They lived so freely, moving wherever they wanted without a care in the world, either swimming, hopping or flying. You wish you were born as another animal than human.

“The 52-hertz whale travels an astonishing 70 km a day but it’s voyage doesn’t bring social interactions. This whale is the loneliest whale in the world. It’s the only whale that is capable of emitting a whale call at such frequency, no other individuals communicating with the poor creature.”

You sat up in curiosity. It was a scream for help you thought. The whale needed help, it needed someone or something.

Just like you.

You sighed, watching the lonely whale on your tv screen, seeing it’s gracious movements despite its size. It did look lonely in that deep dark sea, wondering how it would be to fall into the abyss of water, swallowing you whole and erasing the life that once sparked your soul.

This was where you spent your entire days. The clock on the wall is ticking but the digits it displayed are oblivious to you. What did it matter if it was 5 pm or 1 am? You were still not gonna budge from your comforting seat on the couch. Drinking your feelings away no matter what time in the day.

This was you.

This was who you had become.

The sun started to set on the horizon, a delicate shade of light purple descending over it, covering the end of the world like the way a canopy covers the softness of a bed. You sigh, diverting your focus back on the tv screen after momentarily observing the life outside your window. Yet again, nature documentaries accompanied by the soft male voice, narrating every movement of the colibri that fluttered it’s wings at the speed of light on your screen in vivid colors.

You got that look in your eyes. That look of amazement which you now only had when looking at the beautiful colors of a exotic bird. You moved closer to the tv screen in the now dark living room, the sun setting at a fast pace. It reminded you of the many times your mom shouted at you to not sit so close to the screen, scaring you by saying that you’d get rectangular eyes.

Your childhood.

The only time you felt ease.

The only time your family was as one.

“y/n, what does your heart look like?” the therapist asked, scribbling mindlessly on a notepad.

“it’s a muscle that pumps blo-” you started but were quickly cut off.

“no, I mean what does your heart look like, how does it feel?”

You sighed, looking down at the grey marbled floor, your legs shaking in nervousness. You hesitated before speaking, scrambling in your mind to say something sensible before the words came pouring out of you.

“i-it looks like a house. A dark, empty house,,, but it’s comforting.”

Once again you heard the sound of a pencil writing incoherent sentences. Curious as to know what secrets were on that piece of A5-paper.

“is there anyone in the house with you?” the therapist inquired.

You shook your head before speaking.

“I don’t want to let anyone in, this is my safe space” you say, almost setting up an emotional barrier, not wanting to answer further questions.

The person sitting across from you hummed as you stared out the window behind them, the green ivy bushes already grown tall enough to cover half of the grimy window.

“is the house empty?” they asked to which you shook your head once again, avoiding the glassy-eyed stare of the therapist.

“no,,, there are dusty furniture covered in white cloths and-,,, and family photos in the drawers.”

“is it your family?”

You shook your head in disagreement.

“How did you end up here?”

You thought for a second, puffing out your cheeks, a habit of yours. You searched for a reason but not finding any.

“I just,,, was here one day.”

“The sun never shines here.” you added after a solid 30 seconds of silence.

You were stuck in that house.

The house that was once filled with happy memories of another family, you simply a ghost that was now trying to fit the broken pieces together, wanting desperately to see them smiling again.

Tears started forming in your eyes, a shiny gloss over your orbs.

But you never cried.

Not in front of others.

You thought often about that visit. Why your heart was an desolate house and why the words spilled out of you like a poisonous liquid.

You closed your eyes, the bright colors fluttering behind your eyelids as the comforting sounds of the woods blasted from the tv.

You wish you could be somewhere else.

Anywhere but here.

A single tear rolled down your cheek as a smile creeped up on your face, your butt against the floor as your knees were underneath your chin, your entire figure curled up into a small ball.

You sighed as your eyes fluttered open again. You were still here, in your apartment that smelled like nothing but alcohol and disappointment.

Firmly planting both your hands on the wooden floor you heaved yourself up with the intention of getting more tissues, the blue colored tissue box on the floor being as empty as others expectations of you.

But as you stood up the entire room started spinning, small specks of rainbow flashing by your eyes. You thought you stood up to quickly grabbing onto the wall for a second before collapsing against it, your entire body shaking. You cried louder, thinking you were about to pass out. Your hair stuck to your tear stained cheek as your puffy eyes closed once again.

What was happening?

The rain hit your unconscious body, your knees scraped from the concrete you lied on. You were soaked from head to toe, lying with your cheek against the ground in a puddle of rain. You woke up from your head pounding, your bloody knees only gaining your attention after you’ve looked around in a confused daze.

It was empty. An alleyway in the dark night. You found yourself panicked, anxiety bubbling inside of you. That’s when you saw it. A single street light above a red phone booth. You tried to stand up but fell over again as your legs could barely hold you up, now scraping your elbow against the gritty ground.

Crying out, you started shouting for help.

“HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP!”

You screamed at the top of your lungs, voice cracking as your tears started to look identical to the rain that was pouring over your cold, helpless body. Nobody came, your voice only echoing against the wall that the phone booth stood near to.

You got on all fours, crawling towards the light as pure pain shot through your body, small pebbles jabbing into the open wounds on your knees. You needed shield from the rain. Desperate huffs and groans escaping your parted lips as you dragged yourself through small puddles, the phonebooth seemingly getting further and further away from you. Looking through the soaked curtains that was your hair you were determined, this was life or death you thought as you continued to shout out for help, it appeared to be useless since the only other sound besides your own voice was the rain hitting the ground.

Shivering hands grabbed onto the corner of the crimson red phonebooth, the streetlight illuminating your teary eyes. You held onto that frigid and wet piece of metal as if you were holding onto a treasure.

As if you won a race.

As if you pleased your parents.

You looked up, dragging the inner side of your leg against the concrete, your pyjama pants wet to the bone. Desperately you got yourself together, your arms shaking as the rough pads of your hands met the ground, pushing yourself up into a standing position. You hissed at the pain in your knees as you grabbed onto the metal handle that opened the phonebooth, stepping inside.

The inside was surprisingly warm, as if someone had been there moments prior. A ripped piece of paper was taped on the glass pane to the right of the payphone, something that seemed like a phone number but could impossibly be since it wasn’t a full number.

[1800-xxx]

You looked at the payphone and then back at the washed out paper, the edges of the note curling and stained with yellow. Only when you looked back at the phone again did you notice the keypad. To your surprise there was an “x” button. Your head felt heavy, deciding to lean it against the other side of the stuffy phone booth, your hot breath creating steam on the glass.

You wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

Your entire body ached, let alone the blood that was dripping down your leg. The rusty payphone connected to the actual phone, a black handle connected to the underside of the machinery by a coiled metal rope. You picked up the phone, putting it against your ear and groaned when you remembered that you needed coins in order for the payphone to work

[0.5 gold/minute]

You rubbed your eyes. Gold? You sighed loudly, your knees barely being able to hold your weary body any longer. Hesitant fingers pressed the number that was jot down on the lined note, pressing each key accordingly. You pressed the last x before you pressed the “call” button, not expecting anything to happen.

But after a few seconds a female automated voice spoke to you.

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice lagged, a static sound accompanying the automated voice. Your breath got shaky as you looked around, holding the phone close to your ear with both hands. This could only be some sort of kidnapping scheme or this was a sick dream.

“It’s a dream, y/n. Calm down, nothing's gonna hurt you.”

You muttered to yourself, pinching your forearm tightly and wincing from pain. This wasn’t a dream after all.

Your gaze landed on the brown paper cup that was balancing delicately on top of the payphone, your cracking knuckles reaching for it as you let the phone fall out of your grasp, being caught mere inches from the sticky floor of the photobooth by the coil. Bringing the cup closer to your face you saw a dark viscous liquid that smelled sweet enough to sting your nose. Your face contorted into disgust, debating on whether not to drink the contents of the paper cup.

“Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice continued ringing in your ears. You had nothing to lose. If you died then you at least got what you wanted. Holding your breath, you brought the cup closer to your quivering lips, parting them slightly as you held your nose tightly, not wanting to feel whatever horrible taste could be found in that dark pit of goo.

It burned the moment it hit the delicate taste buds on your tongue, your voice muffled as the fluid descended down your throat, your larynx bobbing up and down with each gulp. Despite covering your nose you could taste the pungent sweetness, it tasted like pure acid. Not that you knew what that tasted like but what you assumed it would.

You coughed, accidentally spilling some of the goo on the floor, dribbling out of your mouth. The heavy rain pitter-pattered against the metal roof above your head, your eyelids threatening to shut. The cup fell out of your hand as you slammed your forehead against the payphone, not hard enough to bleed but hard enough to bruise. Your jawbone hurt from how much you’d been crying, eyes puffy as the salty tears mixed with the rain droplets on your face.

“i-i’m sorry mom, i’m so fucking sorry.”

You rolled your forehead left to right against the rusty material of the payphone, your soaked hair covering your empty eyes. Your knees bent under you causing you to fall on your butt with your knees clinking against each other, the sticky contents on the floor sticking to the soft fabric of your pants.

“I’M SO SORRY!”

You never thought a scream this loud could protrude its way out of your throat, the vibrations bouncing off the glass that to your surprise didn’t break. Everything started to become shades darker, almost as if a black and white filter settled over your vision.

No, this is how you’re gonna die.

Alone.

In the rain.

“Hyung, what are you gonna do with her?”

Muffled club music struck your ear along with a high pitched ringing, your eyelids felt as heavy as they’d been in the phonebooth. With your head pounding you slowly open your eyes, first not seeing anything but darkness before eight unknown men form a circle around you, hovering above you.

You shoot up from your lying position, fear overtaking your body. Where were you but more importantly why the fuck were you alone in a dark room with 8 young men? Not thinking straight, you decided to scream once again, thinking they would back off and let you be.

“Get away from me!!”

The males covered their ears, groaning in pain and a blonde boy throwing himself on the floor, rolling around.

“HEY!! HEY! WE’RE NOT GONNA HURT YOU!”

A strong voice overpowered yours, every word almost sounding like a grunt. You around, seeing that you were sitting on a soft leather couch before looking up at the male that was standing right infront of you. He was muscular, his biceps sitting snugly in the tight black t-shirt that covered him, a grey apron tied around his waist and his dark hair shielding his intense gaze and furrowed eyebrows. He had a jaw so sharp you could cut silence with it but silence was the last thing this room had. The boys were shouting at each other, trying to hush the others while screaming themselves.

“SHUT UP!!”

The room got quiet as the muscular guy roared, the seven other individuals coming to a halt. You looked at them all with a puzzled expression, all of them handsome, a fact you couldn’t deny.

“Where the fuck am I, who are you guys and p-please don’t kill me”

Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence as your eyes twinkled, tears teasing the corners of your eyes, fingers shaking in fear. The male closest to you sat down, the weight of the couch shifting. He rubbed his hand together before he started speaking in a calmer voice.

“I’m Changbin, bartender of the Lost Souls nightclub. That’s Chan, security guard.”

With his chin, he pointed at a guy in ripped black jeans with a white t-shirt, a sweatband across his forehead, pushing his slightly curly hair back. He didn’t look like a security guard, the only thing that might have pointed to that was the walkie-talkie hanging from his belt. You nodded before Changbin continued.

“And those are some friends, frequent visitors if you will.”

A light haired boy with shiny rhinestones under his eyes stepped forward after he’d been hugging the tallest guy in the room the entire time.

“u-uhm, the name’s Felix! This is Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung and Minho, and yeah those two, Chan and Changbin.”

He pointed at each guy respectively and the room filled with small “hi’s” and smiles. They didn’t look threatening, all of them being very timid and looking down at the ground. Your gaze diverted back to Changbin that was staring at you the entire time.

“Can somebody tell me where I am?”

Changbin cleared his throat, stomping his boot a couple of times.

“This is gonna sound,,, interesting but you have to believe me-”

You interrupted the muscular boy, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, noticing that it had dried.

“Why should I believe you? We’ve just met?”

Changbin sighed.

“Just,,, hear me out”. You nodded before he continued.

“You answered a phone call right?”

Nodding once again your gaze drifted towards the other boys that were looking at Changbin with googly eyes.

“Well,,, this place only appears to those who are,,, struggling with themselves. Obviously you don’t have to tell us why you’re here but,,, this is a place to let go. The only rule here is no fighting”

“Or dancing on the tables” the tall blonde boy added with a snark causing a squirrel-like boy to giggle, playfully hitting the blonde before looking at Chan who glared back at him, the boy being flustered and turning serious again. Jisung, his name was.

“W-what did that phonebooth do,,, does everyone go through that?” you asked with a curious tone.

“Usually it’s a pleasant experience going in that phonebooth, the sun shining and people hanging around that alleyway before taking the phonecall and drinking the elixir,,, there must have been a glitch in the system.”

He sounded unsure, scratching the back of his head as he looked at all of the boys.

“System? What system? I’m dreaming, right?” you said in panic, wanting to get out of this oddly suffocating room.

“W-we are real and you’re not dreaming,,, it’s just that, we can’t meet in real life you know? This is a place to,,, let oneself go and I know it’s scary since you only get here randomly, it must have been hard passing out like that,,”

A boy with fluffy light brown hair and a pretty eye smile said, Seungmin! You remembered his name because you thought it fitted him, sounding both soft and sharp at the same time.

“y-yeah,,, it was scary b-but thank you for caring about me” you said with a half smile

“oh! and also, we treated all your wounds, luckily you were passed out so you couldn’t feel the pain but let me tell you,,, it looked awful, I don’t understand how you did that Chan” Jisung remarked with wide eyes, looking at you concerned before turning to Chan.

“Did what?” you inquired to which Jisung responded.

“Removing the pebbles in your wounds, h-how did you even get those in there?” he asked to which you tried to remember, seeing hazed memories of you crawling on the asphalt in the storming rain.

“I was crawling towards the phone booth'' you said quietly as the boys gazed at you with concern. The atmosphere got dusked and in an attempt to lift the mood you cleared your throat, lightly running your hands over the bandaids that were plastered on your scraped knees, wincing from the contact.

Changbin made eye contact with Chan, jerking his head towards the door to signal for him and the other boys to leave the room. Chan nodded and patted Jeongin on the shoulder, trying to scoot all the boys out of the room like a shepherd leading a bunch of silent sheep.

“Let’s have some fun! Drinks on me boys~” Chan exclaimed to get the boys off their worried thoughts about you, the curly haired male closed the door quietly and both you and Changbin stayed silent until the footsteps were faint on the other side of the black wooden door.

“Is this better?” Changbin said with a slight smile at the end. “They can be quite the bunch sometimes, either they’re very much off the deep end or they’re just a rowdy mess” he laughs, looking out in the distance before he looks at you with your knees under your chin, holding your legs close to your body.

“So,,, we’re all here for similar reasons?” you mumbled, holding your gaze stable on his dark eyes.

“yeah,,, pretty much. We’ve all dealt with something mentally draining and of course you don’t have to tell but I just want you to know that nothing will hurt you here.” Changbin replied.

“I do want to tell,,, but it’s just that I don’t want to be alone about it. I’ve never been around people that have shared the same experiences.”

Changbin slid closer to you on the couch, putting one leg over the other.

“It’s like that for,,, almost every single individual in the club, we all want to tell our stories and this is the place to do it. No one is gonna judge you for it. I remember thinking that when I first got here, ‘everyone is gonna judge me for not drinking’.”

Changbin’s last sentence caught your attention.

“but aren’t you the bartender? shouldn’t you know all the,,, liquors and such?”

Changbin sighed and you regretted you sentence, thinking that maybe you asked a too personal question.

“I do know them but not in the way one should.”

Something clicked in your head when the boy uttered those words. You nodded silently, letting your gaze fall to your wounded knees as your shaky voice spoke;

“So do I”

Changbin’s gaze was fixated on the floor as he shared what was on his mind.

“But no one judged me,,, eh,,, I never asked for your name!” the boy said to which you giggled, reassuring Changbin that you were in a stable state.

“It’s y/n, nice to meet you!” you said, stretching your hand forward to shake his. Changbin smiled towards your gesture.

“pretty name, angel” he said, shaking your hand and noticing how small it was in his grasp, the cold metal of his rings contrasting to your now warm hands. He didn’t let go immediately, instead holding your hand and feeling it’s warm temperature, running his thumb across your knuckles softly. You snarked at his comment.

“angel? didn’t know we had established pet names for each other in barely 10 minutes of meeting.”

“and I didn’t know angels landed in this place” he said back. “i’ve had to deal with 7 annoying boys that never listen to me,,, well, 8 but one of them,,, disappeared.”

You nodded, not wanting to overstep any boundaries by asking about that 8th guy incase it was an emotional topic.

“how is it? working with alcohol despite having quite a rocky relationship to it?”

The buff boy hummed, drumming his fingers on the seat next to him.

“It’s better than one might think. I get to be around it without engaging in the activity myself, simply serving clients and the boys already know it, we look out for each other. Like a family you know!” Changbin said with a happy tone, not wanting the conversation to get you in a bad mood after all you’ve been through that night.

“family,,, could use one of those” you joked and Changbin actually laughed which you’ve never felt with anyone before, the only response you usually got was your therapist writing down your self deprecating jokes with their orange lead pencil.

“you’re always welcome to us” he said, letting go of your hand that now felt empty. You felt safe. There was no way of describing it but you felt this caring aura around this man, drawing you closer to him.

“how long does this last? i’m guessing you go back to ‘the real world’ again at some point” you spoke, making quotation marks with your hands.

“it depends, it’s different every time but you will pass out just like you did when you got here but you won’t go back to the phone booth, you’ll wake up where you were last in real life. Time goes on in the real world but here,,, clocks don’t really work. We’ve tried bringing clocks or phones with us but the digits don’t change.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. This had to be a dream.

“w-whats with the gold on the phone? Does money exist in this,,, universe?” you asked with confusion to which Changbin shook his head.

“no, drinks are free and so are the phone calls, i have no idea why the phone booth says that or why Chan said that drinks are on him, he must have been stressed trying to get the boys out of here” Changbin said to which you giggled.

“i-is there any time where you never return?” you asked, earning a bittersweet smile from the male.

“yeah,,, if those issues you have get resolved but,, that rarely happens. Destructive behaviours feed of each other. Get rid of one and it gets replaced with another.”

You recognised that. It was always something, you could never live in peace without feeling the need to self sabotage.

“Poor innie knows that too well” he added with an acerbic tone.

“innie?” you tilted your head in question, gazing around the dark room that was rather empty, only a couple of dark colored shelves on the wall and the couch you were sitting on along with the ceiling lamp that was stingy with it’s light.

“Jeongin, the youngest among us. Poor boy has been through it all, if it’s not drugs it’s self harm and Minho is a real dick sometimes, bringing pocket knives in “defense”. He’s delusional, thinking everyone is out to get him and Jeongin knows this. We’ve found our precious little boy in the bathroom too many times, holding those stupid knifes Minho keeps having on him and crying till his cheeks puff up.”

You took a mental note to keep your distance from Minho, feeling bad for Changbin that had to be amidst this mess while dealing with his own emotions. You could relate, being the emotional pillar between your parents that hated each other to the brink of physical violence. There’s always someone that has to suffer because of other people's problems.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Changbin.” you managed to stutter out, not knowing what else to add to the conversation.

“Ah,,, don’t be, y/n! Just take good care of yourself, that’s what matters the most to me” Changbin said. You smiled, moving closer and hovered your hand above his shoulder.

“Can I?” you asked quietly to which Changbin nodded and moments later felt your warm hand patting his back. He felt listened to. Understood. And even though he was yet to tell you his entire life story he knew that you were different from the others. You actually cared about him.

The room started spinning again and you clutched onto Changbin’s black t-shirt, trying to stabilize yourself. Those rainbow colored speckles you had seen earlier appeared again, vision blurring right in front of your eyes.

“y/n? how are you?” Changbin’s voice was worried but he knew what was happening.

“it’s spinning again, I t-think I’m gonna pass,,, out” you muttered,

“It’s alright y/n, I’m here yeah?” His rough voice distinguished itself from his comforting words as you held onto the dark haired boy, a faint smell of tobacco interlacing with the air you breathed in through your nose. Your two arms were now wrapped around the male with your face against his broad shoulder, eyes shutting as tightly as they could, face contorting into fear until everything disappeared. The vague beats of the music. The pain that ached from your knees. The feeling of finally finding home in someone's arms.

Everything turned into nothing in Changbin’s embrace. You were slowly turning into his everything because he had nothing in his life.

And then you woke up.

You gasped for air as you woke up in panic, hunching over on the floor in a coughing fit, clawing at your neck for oxygen. Panting on the floor you put your forehead against the wooden laminated floorboards, your frizzy hair blocking out the little light that was in the apartment and being hit with the malodorous smell of distilled alcohol.

What was that?

You were convinced that it was some kind of wicked dream. An escape from reality even. But as Changbin said, you did wake up in the exact same place and position you passed out in. A long breath seized through your lungs as you shifted in your position on the floor.

“Son of a bitch!”

Tears prickled the corners of your eyes as the hard floor hit your wounded knees. You quickly sat down on your butt, lifting your knees up to your chin and only then did your heart drop.

It wasn’t a dream. Your eyes lingered on the bandaids that were placed with the utmost care across your both knees, a stain of dark brown blood seeping through the sticky elastic material and dried blood staining your knees in a haphazard attempt of somebody trying to wipe it off without hurting you. You managed to grab the edge of the sofa, levering yourself up with, testing out the strength left in your wobbly legs. Your phone lit up, sitting on the place you’re usually curled up in. Throwing yourself on the soft piece of furniture you observed the phone screen, lost eyes wandering mindlessly over the brightly lit display.

What you noticed wasn’t the worried text from your mother.

It was the fact that the digits hadn’t changed from when you passed out.

Your head snapped towards the tv screen and the phone fell from your hand when you stared at the screen, breath trembling.

The same documentary. The same colibri.

This couldn’t be. Surely you hadn’t just stopped time,,, right? This was not something Changbin warned you about. How long until you meet Changbin again? An hour,,, or ever?

There was nothing else you could do besides wait. Wait until the next time you pass out. And what better way to make time pass but to be confronted by your mother? You pulled up the text on your phone and read it hastily before scoffing.

[Are you eating well? Please call if you see this]

Since when did she care about you? You knew that she did care. Somewhere deep inside her motherly heart she did care but the way she displayed that so-called ‘affection’ didn’t make it obvious. You tried to justify every word, believing all the lies she fed you. You tried so hard to believe that you were healthy, that your mental health wasn’t deteriorating before the eyes of your very own mother that was refusing to see the truth. That her child was indeed in pain. You couldn’t blame her, it was her way of dealing with the issue but it didn’t make it easier for you. Your thumbs hovered above the keyboard, you couldn't think of anything better to write and quickly typed it down before you hit send.

[yes, i’m busy]

Busy contemplating your existence. Your father wasn’t exactly any better. Throwing out each one of your family members until there was only him left. He had no trouble filling that emptiness, simply creating a new family and forgetting you as if you were a chapter of the book called ‘previous life’. You didn’t mind, not after everything he did to you and your mother. There was no need for a person like that in your life but unfortunately it influenced you more than you thought, always seeking validation in either work or relationships because how could you validate yourself after your self esteem had been crushed by this tyrant?

You threw your phone on the table, a clink noise being heard as it hit a bottle, knocking it over but not breaking it. Your parental issues or mental health was for once not the biggest concern in your life, now instead wanting to search for the answers that could explain the nightclub. How did it exist? What caused it to exist and who was behind it? You needed to get back there somehow.

The tv had turned off by itself, you found yourself waking up on the couch, using a pillow as a blanket, hugging the warm material closer to your body as you whined. With confused and lost eyes you scanned the room for a clock, hitting the table a couple of times and finally getting your hands on your phone, bringing it closer to your eyes.

[3:02 am] the digits lit up. You rubbed your tired eyes with your left hand, throwing the pillow on the floor and using the phone display as a torch in the pitch dark room. There was no point in falling asleep again, you had already slept so many hours, sleeping anymore would only make you drowsy the entire next day. You yawned as you staggered towards the bathroom, flicking the lightswitch on the wall and squinting fiercely as you were blinded by the harsh bathroom ceiling light. You put the phone down and quickly caught your reflection in the mirror before you sat down on the toilet to pee, folding a couple of sheets toilet paper in your hand. You yawned again as you flushed, going to wash your hands but once again being amused by your reflection.

That’s not me.

It’s the person I’ve become but never wanted to be.

Your dark circles almost reached your cheekbones, the wounds on your knees still stinging even after hours of peaceful slumber. You poked your tongue out to which the reflection did the same, staring back at you with frizzy hair and puffy eyes from tears. You couldn’t trust it. Mirrors lie you thought and so does every single reflective surface in the entire world. You would never know what you truly looked like and that ignited panic in you, feeling your breath rapidly increasing as you held onto the white cold edge of the bathroom sink.

This happened. Too often. It was the feeling of not knowing yourself or your surroundings. Like you had just appeared in this world, scared and alone. To not know who you are and having to live with yourself til the day you die frightened you. But you didn’t know if death was any better. Sure, the thought was comforting but being buried under layers of soil, having flowers and insects living their best life above you as you simply rotted away wasn’t the solution to all your worries although a moment of eternal peace did sound tempting.

You felt a lump in your throat, trying to cough as if it was some sort of anxiety flem when in reality it was your brain setting up imaginary barricades. Your hair draped in front of your face and with furious eyes you peeked up, seeing your almost demon-like expression and smiling psychotically.

I hate you.

I fucking hate you, y/n l/n.

Your smile was wiped off the moment the room started spinning. Your reflection becomes diffuse in the mirror as if it wasn’t enough not recognising it. A loud gulp made its way down your esophagus as you continued staring at yourself in disgust. You blinked slowly, every time you closed your eyes you saw those rainbow colored specks all around, almost as if they were distracting you from what was happening, like a kaleidoscope for a child. You felt as if the ground started shaking, an earthquake in your personal world that was separated from the real one. Maybe you were going back to the nightclub, to Changbin’s reassuring arms or maybe you we’re really going crazy this time. The specks got bigger, turning into elaborate patterns in neon colors that clouded your vision. You kept eye contact with your reflection for what seemed like forever, despising the person that was staring back, your gaze broken as your eyes rolled back in your skull, your eyes white as if you’d been hexed before you collapsed on the frigid bathroom floor.

“y/n? y/n, wake up!”

The sun dazed your eyes as you woke up on the slightly toasty concrete. Changbin tilted his head as a cigarette was hanging out the corner of his mouth, bright sunlight behind him. He had on a jean jacket with patches from several underground punk and rock bands, his neck was embellished with multiple silver chains and his hair was slicked back, glistening in the heat. He knocked the wind out of you even more, as if passing out in the bathroom wasn’t enough torture.

“oh y/n! you’re awake!”

Chan says, coming closer to you, this time he’s wearing a tanktop that showed off his flawless abs, your mouth watering at the sight. You only then remembered that you looked like a mess, still in your pyjamas that consisted of an old sports event t-shirt and small basketball shorts.

“a-am i in the club again?” you say, rubbing your eyes with both hands before feeling your head pounding a bit, sitting up slowly and feeling the harsh ground beneath you.

“no! you’re at the phone booth, everyone is here now oh and, this is usual how it’s supposed to look.”

After your vision stops blurring you look around, seeing the same alleyway and the same crimson phone booth but being hit with a completely different atmosphere. People were standing in all types of fancy clothes, trendy bright colors, exaggerated makeup and 7 inch platforms. The sun was beaming, it felt like a hot summer day with friends, just like the old days back when you had friends.

“why does y/n always wear pyjamas? don’t you have any cool clothes?” Hyunjin snarks, pushing his blonde hair behind his ears, displaying his dangly silver and black earrings.

“knock it off asshat, the poor girl is probably scared off her mind” Seungmin sneaks up behind the blonde, punching him lightly in the stomach before he smiles sweetly at you. Duality was this man's second name.

“t-thank you seungmin” you said, giving a smile back but being met with a surprised facial expression.

“you remembered my name!” he said, giggling adorably. You gave a small nod before you looked back at Changbin that was drawing a breath from the cigarette, puffing out a white cloud close to your face before waving it away. You noticed how tired Changbin looked, his cheekbones sunken in and his complexion bleak. He stretched out his hand to help you up which you grabbed, the insides between his pointer and ring finger being slightly stained orange from tobacco. You wobbled up on your feet, knees slightly unstable but feeling better from sitting down a while.

“are you alright y/n? i could open that resting room if you want” he said before inhaling smoke once again, spreading in his mouth and intoxicating him. You shook your head.

“i want to see the club, why not while we’re there you know?” you said, smiling brightly and making his heart jump. Changbin hid the grin he so desperately wanted to display by dropping the cigarette bud on the concrete, stepping on it with his heavy boots that had chain details attached.

“alright, whatever you want angel” Changbin sneered which caught the attention of the 7 other boys, all staring at the jean-jacketed boy.

“angel? seems like someone has a crush” Hyunjin remarked making Jisung burst out in laughter.

“says master heartbreaker” Chan said under his breath making Hyunjin furrow his eyebrows, diverting his gaze from Changbin to Chan instead.

“come on you guys! can we not go to the club already?” Felix said, him also wearing a crop top along with a leather chest harness that accentuated his figure. Jisung nodded and made his way towards the phone booth that had droplets of steam on the inside, Felix and Hyunjin following shortly after the squirrel-like boy. You observed the alleyway. People leaning against the grey wall where the phone booth was, either smoking or chatting. Some were standing, others sitting down directly on the concrete, feeling the same heat you felt as you woke up.

With unstable steps you walked towards the phone booth behind all the boys, Changbin staying by your side and waving his hands towards the 7 boys that had somehow crammed into the humid and stuffy metal building, Chan closing the glassdoor as a couple of the boys giggled. You and Changbin stood on the other side of the door, seeing how Chan grabbed the black phone you had once held with cold dirty hands and Seungmin giggling as he took a sip out of the contents in the paper cup, passing it around to the others that did the same.

They disappeared right in front of you. Your mouth stood agape. They didn’t pass out, they just disappeared into thin air, leaving the airless crimson structure empty yet again.

“w-wait, why didn’t they pass out?” you asked, turning to Changbin as you ran a hand through your hair.

“it happens when you’re new. the body isn’t used to the entire,,, universe switch so you will probably pass out this time also but don’t worry, i’ll catch you”

Changbin grinned, opening the door and being hit by the lack of oxygen. He held the door open for you to which you smiled, stepping inside and seeing that the paper cup had been refilled automatically. The door closed behind Changbin, you standing in close proximity to the boy as you lifted the phone slowly, still feeling the warmth from Chan’s hand. The dark haired boy grabbed the brown paper cup, not even looking at the goopy substance before drinking it, seeing his adam's apple bob up and down. You put the phone towards your ear, wondering why you didn’t hear the female automated voice.

“it doesn’t work?” you said with confusion to which Changbin smiled, pressing in the infamous number on the rusty keypad.

[1800-xxx]

“yeah, it doesn’t if you don’t type in the number” he chuckled, holding the paper cup in both hands and leaning against the humid glass.

Suddenly you hear the voice you were dreading the hear.

It reminded you of that night. That dark rainy evening. The voice started to lag, just like it did last time. You hung up and turned around whereupon you saw Changbin handing you the paper cup. You gulped and put your lips on the edge of the cup, looking at him with unease but feeling comfortable with his presence. You tilted the cup, feeling the sweetness trickle down your throat, almost stinging your insides. Changbin smiled, he looked like the typical bad boy from every cliché teen movie but it made your heart flutter, slightly embarrassed at the state of yourself. He pushed away from the glass wall and swiped his thumb across the corner of your mouth, wiping off the sweet liquid and licking it off the tip of his thumb. You stood there, frozen at the sudden action, gazing softly at him.

“you had something there” he chuckled as you started to feel lightheaded again, your eyelids getting heavy.

“thanks” you said shortly, your gaze drifting down on the dirty floor beneath your feet, drifting in and out of consciousness.

Changbin didn’t say anything, catching you mere seconds after you collapsed on the grimy surface. Admiring your heavy eyes and puffy cheeks for a second before he himself disappeared into the abyss.

“One Moscow mule, please!”

An unfamiliar voice shouted through the blasting club music accompanied by what sounded like the shaking off a cocktail shaker. You groaned, your eyes fluttering open and being hit by the beams of a thousand light machines in all sorts of colors.

“Oh y/n!!” Jisung shouted on the other side of the bar, you found yourself sitting on a chair in the corner of the bar, on the same side as Changbin that was working diligently, mixing some concoction into a metal shaker. You rubbed your eyes, yawning and wondering how you could sleep sitting up. You heard Changbin set the metal cup down, telling something to the woman beside him, must be his co-worker you thought. He kneeled down next to the chair you were sitting on, looking up at you with curious eyes.

“how are you feeling?” he asked loudly, trying to overvoice the music.

“im good” you answered back just as loud, the two of you locking eyes. Changbin smiled at you with his tired face, glancing over the glasses that were located beneath the bar.

“you want something to drink?” Changbin said to which you nodded.

“give me anything” you said, messing with your hair and sighing. You felt tired, an urge to sleep despite the loud blaring music. Maybe it was more of an emotional fatigue. A lack of feeling. And that’s usually when you turn to the bottles. Changbin nodded, standing up and returning to his co-worker, starting to grab all kinds of pretty coloured alcohol.

“ay! y/n! come join us!” you heard Felix say, him standing with a glass in his hand, the other boys scattered around the club along with the other troubled individuals. You smiled widely, looking around and noticing the small exit gate connected to the bar. You patted Changbin on the back, him turning around with a grin before you exited through the gate, closing it after you and pushed through the crowd of people, making your way over to the boys.

“y/n, welcome to where you will feel alive” Jisung yelled, spreading his arms and nearly knocking someone in the hand.

It was truly living you thought. Every single way to escape reality was located here whether it would be alcohol, drugs or sex. People dancing and jumping, grinding and rubbing up against each other. In multiple booths there were people making out, touching in unknown places. Many looked outright high, moving as if their body was possessed by some dance god, not knowing how to control their limbs. You could have sworn you saw Seungmin putting a yellow pill in his mouth, smiling mischievously at someone you didn’t know.

So this was letting go.

“y/n! here!” you heard Changbin’s voice call behind you, turning around and seeing him putting a glass of clear liquid onto the stained wooden bar with coasters scattered all around, a couple lime wedges floating around with the ice in the glass.

“vodka tonic, giving you the strong ones” he said, grinning, to which you smiled back, understanding the hint to his personal life through his eyes. The glass was cold against your warm hand since you were in this stuffy environment filled with countless people and without any windows, only a ventilation system that led to nothing. You put the edge of the glass against your lips, taking a sip and swallowing harshly, feeling bitterness that tasted sweet because that’s what alcohol does when it’s consumed on a particularly bitter day. Or life.

The other boys were dancing, Chan mostly hanging around the edges of the nightclub and observing the nightlife. You made your way over to him, taking another sip in order to gain the courage to strike up a conversation.

“Sup? you feeling any better?” he asked before you had the chance to even open your mouth.

“better. why aren’t you enjoying yourself like the others?”

“i mean,,, i’m technically doing my job even though i’m not getting paid for it. i just like to be in charge i guess,,,” he said, getting more and more silent as he spoke. You nodded.

“i do work with stuff in real life as well” he added, to which you raised your eyebrows.

“what do you work with,,, if you don’t mind me asking!” you said, taking another sip of what tasted like Lucifer’s saliva.

“music producer! it’s tiresome but,,, i don’t really need sleep,,, or more like i can’t sleep. lucky there’s energy drinks and naps” he said with a giggle, his dimples displaying as he chuckled, leaning against the black walls of the nightclub.

“must be tough,,, but wait,,, i’ve never heard your music,,, and also shouldn’t you be the DJ then?” you said confused, swirling the liquid in your hand.

“but that’s the thing y/n, all these people, every single person you see in this room lives in another universe”

You gazed at him, Chan looking straight ahead towards the crowd.

“what do you mean by different universes?” you asked to which curly haired boy cocked his eyebrow.

“we will never coexist y/n, when i tell you that we’ve tried to bring our friendships to the real world i really mean it. we will never exist in your life outside of this hub and,,, it sucks.” Chan took a pause before speaking, pondering on what to say next.

“-thats what happened with a friend we had. i’m saying had because we don’t know where they are or what adventures await them. They just,,, disappeared” Chan said mellowly, you humming in response as you took a final sip of the devil’s juice, already feeling your face heating up.

“h-how does one get out of this place,,, forever i mean” you asked, leaning back against the same wall as Chan and looking right ahead as the song changed to a slower, almost psychedelic beat.

“when said person gets help,,, or starts to feel better or when you hit the casket, three options basically” he says with an acerbic smile. “what? Do you like Changbin?” Chan says teasingly. “you’ve been catching glances at him this entire conversation.”

He was right, you had been glancing over at Changbin occasionally, you couldn’t help it. Was it an excuse for you to look at his cute face from a distance or because you cared about him? You laughed it off but Chan turned serious.

“you know that’s it’s not possible.” he says quietly.

“what? what is not possible?”

“a relationship”

You choked on your own saliva, being blinded by the annoyingly bright strobe lights.

“a relat- ya! do you really think I have time for any of that? besides,,, i’m not really interested in Changbin.”

“who said only you should be interested?”

Your eyes widened when Chan said that. No way could Changbin have these weird feelings to you, the feeling shouldn’t be mutual.

“h-has Changbin said something about you?” you asked timidly, gazing over at Changbin that temporarily made eye contact across the club.

“why don’t you ask him yourself? but i’m telling you y/n,, don't get attached, you will get hurt,,, j-just like i did once”

Sure, you understood what Chan meant. Everyone was here for the time being. One day he could disappear if he decided that the life he was living now either isn’t worth it or he takes control and makes something out of it. There comes a time where you are too tired of living the way you do and so you do something about it, no matter if it’s good or bad.

Changbin waved his hand at you, wanting you to join him behind the bar where now Felix was standing and annoying Changbin by tickling him or whispering in his ear as he moved his body with much fluidity. You smiled, waving towards Chan shortly before you once again made your way through the crowd, feeling lightheaded but in a positive way, as if you really were forgetting reality for a moment.

“y/n!! come!!” Changbin yelled, bouncing slightly to the typical house beat that was now playing, barely holding the bottle of gin since Felix was pestering him playfully. Changbin’s co-worker opened the wooden gate for you, smiling sweetly at you and you doing the same back, your gaze drifting down until you notice the red marks around her throat. You were often scared by people. Not by their actions but by their way to cover them up and of course, you were guilty of this too. Looking at these people you would never guess the pain that was going on inside, the surface level happiness really is surface level. You could smile genuinely towards her, you didn’t have to understand everything she was going through but you knew how it was, smiling when bridges are burning in your mind.

Sometimes pretending hurts more.

“Changbin!” you squealed after you had passed by his co-worker, holding the empty glass that was now nothing more but half melted ice cubes and three wedges of bright green lime. Without thinking you put the glass down on his working station and pull him into a tight hug, squeezing your body against his and feeling the warmth radiate off of him. He froze awkwardly in your arms before loosening up, wrapping his arms around you and ultimately taking in your scent that was now mostly pungent with liquor and sleep, a soft scent that Changbin couldn’t get enough off. You felt safe which was rare in a nightclub especially knowing that most people were either high or carrying weapons. But there was something about him that made you feel like home. It felt familiar, like you’d visited his soul. As if the two of you were sharing the same empty house in your heart despite you never letting anyone in, too scared to be hurt again. Maybe you could let Changbin in, maybe he was different.

The hug lasted longer then you thought, his eyes darting all over the stuffy room before he slowly let go, taking a long inhale of the almost addictive smell. The two of you locked eyes, a shy red tinged his cheeks that was only visible due to there being a spotlight just above him.

“can i talk to you for a second?” you asked, rather boldy which was odd. He nodded and grabbed your wrist only to pull you in behind the same black door where you once ended up in, confused and dazed. He let go of you and closed the door behind him, you standing in the middle of the room that now had tiny light standing on the floor, nothing more new then the same old shelfs and black leather couch.

“what did you wanna talk about?,,, figured you maybe wanted to tell me somewhere more quiet”

‘Quiet’ was an overstatement, the music was making the walls shake and even though it was muffled the jumping of hundreds of people could still be heard in the small dark room where you were alone, with him.

“ehm,,, i don’t know really,,,” you stammered, not knowing what else to say.

“is something wrong y/n? Do you need to be alone for a while? i can le-”

“no, thank you,,, i just wanna be with you.” You interrupted him, his eyebrows furrowing when you uttered the last sentence. He stepped closer to you, the soles of his shoes making a pleasant sound against the floor. You lifted your gaze at him, Changbin standing right in front of you. Beauty that could make you drool. His hair was slightly messy, temples sweaty as he had worked and fetched all kinds of bottles for hours, the grey apron marking his title in the nightclub.

“but i’m here with you! Are you playing some sort of prank on me? did chan set this up?” he chuckled with a smirk, throwing a gaze at the door before diverting it back to your glossy eyes.

“n-no,,, Changbin, I want you”

His mind went blank and so did yours.

You don’t know why you said that but it was too late. The cat was out of the bag. It was too late.

“y/n? are you drunk?” he asked, looking at you seriously and putting the back of his hand against your forehead, suspecting you might be getting sick. You shook your head in response.

“no, it was only one drink, you know? i just,,, kinda,, want you”

You grabbed his hand that was still lingering on your forehead and drew it closer to your heart, holding firmly by his wrist. The clothed valleys of your breasts made contact with the rough palm of his hand, Changbin’s eyes still glued to yours. He scoffed loudly.

“and here i was,,, thinking it was some sort of unrequited love”

It felt like his hand turned into thorns, stinging your heart. So he wanted you too.

Changbin’s hand that rested on your boob snaked upwards, grabbing your jaw as he smiled at you briefly, tilting his head and slowly closing his eyes, attaching his rough lips on yours. Your eyes widened before they closed slowly, eyelashes fluttering in a flirty haze. This was how it felt to kiss someone you loved. It was as if a thousand fireworks ignited inside your beating heart, flying and exploding in an array of colors. A pure lightshow.

Your hands made their way to Changbin’s angular face, cupping his cheeks and feeling his sharp cheekbones against the palms of your hands. Your noses accidentally bumped into each other as your heads tilted from left to right, a sensual pace to the kiss to which the dark haired boy chuckled, adding some laughter to the otherwise grave situation that contained the sounds of two lips smooching each other. The music was only adding to the ambiance, Changbin’s hands wandering and exploring territory on your body that was foreign to him but very well-known to you. Your wet tongues danced around to a serenade, his kiss was strong, sure to leave an unforgettable impression on you. You would want him from now on and forever.

You moaned into the kiss as his hands rested on your ass, groping the flesh that was covered by your pyjamas-shorts. This made Changbin cock his eyebrow, pieces of his slicked back hair falling into his face as making him look like a charming 80′s prince. His fingers danced around the elastic band of your pants, fingers hooking and playfully tugging on the string, a silent plea for you to take them off. You smiled against his lips, saliva exchanging in a heavy and steamy kiss, your cheeks growing warmer by the second.

The two figures melted into one as Changbin pulled you closer to his body, feeling his cock poke through the coarse material of his jeans against your lower abdomen. Good to know that he was enjoying this as much as you were. Your hands descended downwards, traveling along his black tight t-shirt, the jean jacket from earlier being god knows where. The contour of his abs made you smirk, you knew what he was hiding beneath these clothes that you ravenously wanted to tear up. You palmed him through his pants, earning a hiss from the male that panted heavily into the kiss.

You broke the kiss, taking a moment to breathe as your lips were separated by a lonely string of saliva. You grabbed Changbin’s wrist, pushing him down on the leather couch as you straddled his lap, feeling his hard-on against your aching wet cunt. You wanted him so bad and here he was, in front of you for only you to devour. Changbin grabbed onto your hips, pinning them down against his cock and leaning forward to reattach his lips on yours, teeth accidentally clicking against each other moments before your sloppy hot tongues met, feeling his tongue against the soft surface of yours. The sound of lips meeting ringed through your ears, your hips grinding against Changbin’s crotch in a steady pace, feeling your neediness grow. Your hands ran along his abdomen, sneaking them up inside his shirt and tugging on the black material of his t-shirt, pulling it above his head. What was hiding underneath his clothes was more than a pleasant surprise. Your lips moved swiftly against his jawline, peppering kisses on his delicate neck as your hands teased the supple skin of his abdomen, feeling the outline of his muscles against your touch.

Changbin placed his hands near your stomach, pulling your oversized sleeping shirt over your head in the same fashion you did moments earlier. You gasped as the fabric danced over your now hardened nipples, freeing your tits. Of course you didn’t wear a bra when you were in the comfort of your own home but you didn’t think anyone would actually undress you, especially not Changbin. He hummed at the sight, cupping your tits in his hands that were covered in metal rings, feeling the coldness against your heated skin. You shuddered, the sensation shooting down to your dripping core. He kneaded them in his hands as you rubbed against his cock, his boner having a visible outline through his pants, you couldn’t help but to fiddle with his belt buckle, undoing it and hearing the clicking sound of the buckle hitting itself. Changbin pulled away from your swollen lips, tapping you on the thigh to step off in order for him to pull his pants down. You moved to the seat next to him on the couch, the leather sticking back as you laid down, lifting your hips up to remove your pyjama pants along with your panties that quickly hid underneath the fussy pants due to it’s rather interesting print, small teddy bears printed on the fabric. You kicked off your shoes, more like slippers that you wore indoors.

Changbin swiftly pulled down his jeans and black boxers in one motion, throwing them close to your pile of clothes at the base of the couch. Your eyes widened, mouth watering at the pure sight of his cock, a pretty bead of precum decorating his slit, contrasting with the crimson shiny tip. A big gulp descended down your esophagus, heat tinging your cheeks. He chuckled from seeing you stare at his member with shiny doe eyes that reflected in the small lamp on the floor.

“You seem,,, intrigued” he chuckled to which you giggled, not believing that you were really in this small room together with him.

“Y-yeah,,, maybe I am” you snarked, moving your gaze to his eyes and smiling. Only on your way upwards his well-sculpted body did you see the boy holding a small blue plastic item. You furrowed your eyebrows when Changbin opened the packet, retrieving a slightly slippery condom from inside.

“Do we even need that?” you laughed before continuing. “I mean if nothing gets transferred to the real world neither should pregnancies or STD’s”

Changbin tsked, rolling the condom onto his veiny cock, turning slightly away from you to avoid your intense eyes.

“Ask Chan, he would know” Changbin said, turning back to you and making his way over to the couch.

“N-no,,, no way.” You shook your head, your mouth agape as your eyes still danced over Changbin’s buff thighs.

“Yup, knocked up a girl” he said, suppressing a laugh. “And that’s why y/n, you never think with your dick”.

“Being completely honest,,, I expected more from Chan, he seems really,,, responsible” you remarked, Changbin hovering over you and placing a soft kiss on your lips, his hands on either side of your figure.

“He is but I think love is his weak spot or more like,,, lack of love. He often confuses love with either sex, money or fame,,, might I even say drugs.”

You simply nodded not knowing what more to add to the conversation, Changbin’s fingers tracing small circles around your nipples, sneaking them down between your legs where your cunt was aching after him. Anything, as long as it was him. His middle- and ring finger dipped into your heat, feeling the wetness between your folds causing you to hold on to Changbin’s sturdy shoulder. Without warning his fingers entered your dripping hole, fingers curling upwards and grazing your g-spot. You flinched, feeling his cold metal rings against your clit. The dark haired boy shushed, reassuring you that you were in safe hands and that he would make you feel good. Nothing else mattered besides you.

His fingers grazed your velvety walls, thrusting up into your cunt with just enough vigor to make you clutch to his bicep, the firm muscles making you swoon. You whined, spreading your legs even wider, your left leg hanging over the leather couch, sticking to your thigh as your body was heating up from arousal. The wet sounds of Changbin’s fingers playing with your cunt along with your soft whimpers were louder than the music outside, you pressing your head back onto the couch, rubbing your hair on the material. Changbin licked his plump lips upon seeing your face contorting into all kinds of lewd facial expressions, his cock needing to feel your warmth wrapped around it. The pad of his thumb played with your clit, laying it flat against the nub and teasing it in small circles causing tears to prickle in the corners of your shut eyes.

“a-are you alright y/n?” he whispered softly in your ear, kissing the shell of your ear. You nodded, your hands cupping your tits, pinching your hardened nipples, adding pleasure and heat to the burning in your core. Changbin pulled out his fingers, putting the slick covered digits in his mouth and watching you with hawk eyes as he lapped up your juices, humming in delight.

“fuck you taste so good angel” he stated, making you blush, covering your face with your hands. Changbin chuckled, tapping the tip of his dick against your swollen clit and aligning himself with your entrance. You moaned from the sensations, wrapping your legs around him to pull him in, you growing impatient the more he teased.

“p-please fuck me Changbin” you said uttered in a faint voice, barely audible due to the music. It was as if his eyes tinged with a dark color, full of lust. His eyes were hooded, looking down at you with half closed lids, sighing loudly with sexual frustration. He wanted to destroy you, make you his but he had to hold onto his composure. Holding you firmly by your hips he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside you, grunting at the warmness that comforted him. You hissed, biting the inside of your cheek, your nose scrunching up at the feeling of being stretched out by his girthy length.

“can I go all the way? does it feel alright?” he asked. You answered with a small “yes”, more worried about the door being unlocked, anyone could burst through the door in seconds only to witness Changbin fucking you on the couch. That thought was quickly wiped from your mind as his cock stuffed into your cunt, your eyes rolling back into your skull as he slowly thrusts into you, using the hands on your hips as a way to guide him, nailing your cervix with each movement. The tips of his ears turned red, the silver chain around his neck reflecting on the dim light in the room as it rocked back and forward above you. You placed your hands around his wrists, looking boldly into his eyes with, a feeling brewing inside you that was hard to describe. It was titillation mixed with yearning. You knew you got him here. He was safe in your arms. You wanted to save him from everything bad in this world but how is that possible when you can’t even save yourself?

“c-changbin” you said in broken syllables, his thrusts only quickening. “changbin!” you repeated, shutting your eyes tightly, curling your toes in pleasure as a string of pretty moans melodically fell from your mouth along with his name. You couldn’t take it, his cock ramming into you in a both mindful and eager manner causing you to claw at his forearms, nails digging into the soft skin. Your tongues were once again caught in a kiss, the taste of your tongue being irresistible to the boy but not sure if it was your love that was drawing him in or the subtle taste of liquor from earlier. His lips felt parched against your, his tongue gliding on your bottom lip before kissing it, his saliva feeling hot in your mouth. The boy above you pulled away for a moment.

“you’re so pretty like this y/n,, fuck, i think i love you”

You gulped but your silence was soon cut off from Changbin slamming his hips against yours, his cock hitting your that specific spot that made you go crazy, the familiar feeling of your orgasm penting up inside you. You moaned with desperation, the lewd sounds bouncing off the dark colored walls. This was music for Changbin’s ears. His grunts accompanied by your whimpers and the squelching sound of your walls engulfing his dick so tightly, the sounds alone was heaven for him. With every move against your body you felt the well-acquainted smell of cigarettes that you could almost feel in your lungs, an addictive scent.

“i love you too, Changbin” you mumbled, slurring on your words from nervousness, feeling shy even though you were naked in front of him. He smiled, peering down at you as his hair fell from it’s perfect gelled state. You smiled softly at him, his cheeks slowly turning a red that matched his lips. Your moans turned to borderline screams, his cock twitching inside of you as he slowly got closer to his sweet release. Clenching around him, Changbin grabbed bent your legs towards you, gently rolling his head backwards as the pace got quicker.

“i’m g-gonna cum! don’t stop!” you yelped, your heart thumping at the speed of light, tiny sweat droplets forming on your forehead. Changbin reached so deep inside of you causing you to thrash around, fiercely trying to grip to the edges of the couch. The burning in your core got intense, it felt as if a thousand stars were falling at the same time, bursting with amativeness. The sudden feeling of warmth took over your body, a pleasant tingle surging. A breathy moan leaving you stunned, grabbing onto Changbin’s hands that were pushing your knees towards you. Just as your orgasm washed over you like a ton of bricks falling to the ground, your body jolted with the last couple of powerful thrusts, a loud gasp slipping from his lips. His girthy cock released it’s seed into the condom, his hot breath lingering near you.

He let go of your quivering legs, them flopping down on either side of him. Your chest heaved up and down as you breathed through your parted lips. Changbin pulled off, carefully removing the condom and discarding it somewhere on the floor. He snuggled close to you on the narrow couch, pressing his sweaty body against yours, taking a moment to catch his breath before speaking.

“So you love me too?” he chuckled. You turned to face him, looking deep into his dark brown eyes that looked pitch black in the dim light. After a loud exhale you answered him.

“No, I think I can’t live without you” you whispered, rubbing the tip of your nose against his. His stable breath tickled against your chin, your eyes slowly closing as Changbin was observing your features that he found insanely attractive. And it was even more attractive that you were his. But this couldn’t last.

“You know this is not possible y/n” he said with sadness in his voice as he gulped, his adams apple protruding. You knew it, the thing you dreamt of wasn’t possible since the two of you didn’t exist in each other's worlds.

“I feel fucking stupid” you said with closed eyes, sighing after your words. Changbin shook his head.

“Don’t give up that easily y/n, we can try”. He was right but what relationship was only visible in the darkness of a nightclub? Only a promiscuous one. Yet, you didn’t want to give up. Not matter what kind of relationship it was you wanted to be with him.

“So,,, what does that mean? That we are-”

“Dating, I guess” he added shortly, the corner of his lips lifting upwards. It sounded weird in your ears. Dating someone you had only met a couple of times but it felt right. This was where you belonged. In his arms, away from all your demons. He truly cared for you, not like the others. He was unlike those in your life that said that they cared but never wanted to know more than the surface level of your character. He wanted to know everything about you. Your hurt, your sorrows, your pain but also your happiness, your joy and your solace. He wanted to know you.

Your hands trailed up and down his upper arms, his skin feeling soft against your touch. The two of you cuddled like this for a while, Changbin running his hands along your hair, its smell reminding him of a green meadow of millions of flowers in all shapes, colors and sizes. He didn’t want to leave but if he wasn’t back in the bar the boys would start looking for him and the last thing he wanted was 7 boys teasing him for getting it on. You were more than a hookup. More than just a fling.

Changbin stood up, squinting his eyes in order to look for his clothes and finding them scattered all over the room. He pulled his underwear and jeans over his lower body before pulling his shirt over his top half, the black t-shirt sitting snugly around his muscles. He ran a hand through his dark hair, shaking his head before smirking at you. Such a tease.

“Do you have to leave?” you asked with a whiny voice, your arms felt empty once again. He nodded.

“i’m afraid so, don’t want them thinking I've been transported back without them knowing, they get worried but that’s only natural I guess.”

You nodded back, putting your cheek against the leather on the seat, your arm hanging straight down, the back of your hand limp against the floor.

“Get dressed if you want to have some more fun or you can chill here for a moment but I have to warn you, that door doesn’t have a lock” Changbin said, pointing at the only door in the room.

“i’ve already noticed that” you remarked, grabbing your panties and only after you’ve pulled them halfway up your thigh did you see Changbin smirking at you.

“You’re cuter than I thought” he said, pointing at your teddy bear panties with his chin, stepping closer to you. You looked away, biting your lip in embarrassment as you felt his hand on your hair, ruffling it sloppily.

“You’re making fun of me!” you said back with a pout, pulling your pyjama pants over your bottom.

“yeah, because you’re adorable” he said, placing a peck on your lips. You wanted more of him. He was simply addictive.

But not even this universe wanted to see you two together.

Your eyelids got heavier, your eyebrows furrowing at the familiar yet distant feeling. It felt unknown until you saw the small specks clouding up your vision once again.

“y/n? y/n, how are you?” Changbin said with worry, grabbing you by your shoulders and looking at your apathetic gaze. “N-no, y/n, don’t leave now”

You didn’t want to but you didn’t decide when you left.

You harshly held Changbin in your arms, putting your forehead against his shoulder, rubbing against it. Changbin slowly put his hands around you, patting your back as salty tears rolled down your warm cheek, putting wet stains on his shirt.

“shh,,, it’s ok y/n, are you feeling dizzy?” he asked carefully to which you nodded mellowly, your bottom lip quivering as the multicolored boxes of light flashed before your eyes. The room felt unstable, like your legs wouldn’t hold you much longer and they didn’t when you collapsed into Changbin’s arms, him holding you tightly to his chest as your knees buckled. Your voice was unstable, a silent cry pleading to be heard.

“I love you” you whispered in a frail voice. The ear-deafening music from outside was tuning out from your hearing, your words slurring at the end as you repeated yourself for the last time.

“I love y-you”

Changbin was left hugging air, his arms empty as he opened his sparkling eyes. He was close to tears because he was left there. Without you.

“HEY! WHERE IS- oh”

Jisung burst through the black door, the six other boys standing close behind him as they looked around the room, eventually catching eye contact with Changbin.

“She went home” Changbin said softly, letting his arms fall to the sides. Jisung inched closer to him, patting him on the shoulder where your tears were still left as a souvenir of your love.

“She’ll come back, don’t worry about it” Jisung said with a reassuring smile, leading Changbin to the door, out of the room that smelled like sex and tenderness.

“Euw,, what is this doing here? Does nobody know how to clean up?” Felix said pointing at the used condom on the floor. Changbin’s face went cold, stopping dead in his tracks.

“is it yours or something Changbin?” Hyunjin laughed, pushing the youngest, Jeongin, in a fit of laughter.

The room went quiet after Hyunjin’s cold laughter. It was pretty obvious.

“YOU FUCKED HER?” Jisung screamed in Changbin’s ear, making him flinch away and holding his ear in pain. The room filled with all sorts of teasing sounds, everything from “ooh~" to “AYE” in obnoxious voices.

“Luckily he used a condom!” Minho snarled, glancing over at Chan that was ready to beat Minho into pulp. Chan sighed, regretting that he didn’t shove the condom in Minho’s smirky face.

“No but seriously you guys, y/n is more than you think. It’s not just another person I fucked, she actually means something to me.”

Just when Changbin thought he had something special some of the boys started laughing even harder, ruffling his hair and poking his cheeks.

“yeah right,,, what? are you guys dating or something?” Seungmin asked, rolling his eyes.

“yes, i’m serious you guys! I love her,,,” he said with a frown, already missing your touch.

“What idiot gets into a relationship 3 months before they have to go to rehab?” Minho says, retrieving a cigarette from the red packaging in the pocket of his leather jacket.

Oh fuck.

Rehab.

When someone recovers from their pain is when you disappear from the club. You are no longer a lost soul. You are no longer lost within yourself. And that’s when you return to the real world, your real world.

Keeping secrets in a relationship was deceitful in Changbin’s eyes. If you belong to someone you should be as transparent as the liquor he poured into his ice cold glass every evening. He felt guilty. You poured your heart out for him, telling him everything that had hurt for so many years and here he was, pretending. He did that a lot, mainly because he was taught to be a reliable man. It wasn’t manly to feel.

Which is why he left his home at a young age. He didn’t care if he worked a minimum wage job and lived in a destitute area, he was content as long as he didn’t live with his parents. But when you live alone it’s not rare that isolation creeps up on you and strokes your cheek with a feather light touch, inviting you over to a dance with the demons that would soon cloud up your mind. Alcohol was Changbin’s comfort. It was the only one that didn’t fail to reassure him. It was as if the bottles spoke to him, promising him that a life intoxicated was better than the life he was currently living.

And he fell for it.

Every time.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted to live a life that is actually worth living. Change comes from within but he needed help and he had only recently realized that he had a problem, that these toxic liquids were what’s keeping him from chasing the dream life. He didn’t dream of much, just the average life would be more than enough, with someone he loved.

But what was he supposed to do?

Take the step to recover or continue his addiction for the sake of being with you?

The demons whispered softly in his ears.

Life or Love?

Taglist ; @minholuvs @liz820 @skztrashbag @lix-freckle3

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aphrostarot · 3 years

Text

Healing Inner Child Pick a Pile

What wounds does your inner child have and how can you help heal them?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Fuchsite):

How do you see yourself?

Seven of Wands:

You view yourself as someone who has fought tooth and nail to get to where you are. You also believe you have a strong sense of justice and will never let others stand in their way. However, due to the difficulties you've encountered in your life, you have lost the ability to see others as allies, which has hindered your ability to make new friends, keep friends, and ask for help when you need it.

The Widow:

Throughout her life, the Widow has suffered a lot of death, literally and figuratively. She, however, has survived each of these losses with a great amount of strength. While you have had a lot of difficulties in your life, you have handled them with great dignity and grace. These are the things you believe make you strong and give you the ability to survive all that life throws your way.

How does your inner child see you?

Ten of Cups:

This is the card of fairy tales and having it come out here is showing me that your inner child thinks of you as their fairy tale ending. You are everything your inner child ever dreamed of becoming. They view you as obtaining their happily ever after, after having gone through a period of struggles in life. You are very successful and charming in their eyes.

The Coquette:

In their eyes, you are extremely charming, confident, and flirtatious. You have everyone’s eyes on you when you walk into a room. Everyone either wants to be you or do you. You are able to charm the socks off just about anyone you encounter, making them give you just about anything you want. You are very dreamy in your inner child’s eyes.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Two of Swords:

They feel out of balance and they do not know how to find balance again. They are scared because they view you as this amazing person, as the one who they always dreamed of becoming and you do not think of yourself like that, which scares them. Because how can they see you for what you truly are and you not see that? How can you be the same person yet be so so, different?

What did you lack as a child?

Ten of Pentacles:

This is the card of abundance, of happy families. It seems to me that your family lacked financial abundance in your childhood and this really affected your happiness as a whole family but also as an individual.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Three of Pentacles:

At some point in your life, you were the victim of envy, and this scarred your inner child. The people around you were jealous of you, so instead of trying to help you, they tried to destroy you instead. As a result of them hurting you, your inner child struggles to trust others.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Ten of Wands:

This has affected your ability to work hard, and your progress in life. When these people were trying to ruin your life you were at a point where your progress and hard work were just starting to pay off. And now you have a fear of making progress in your life because you fear the people around you will not support your life last time.

The Empress:

The Empress is all about growth and having it come out here is telling me that your fear of success is hindering your growth within yourself. Your inner child’s trauma is what is causing you to fear your own success and your mistrust of others.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Nine of Swords:

As a result of the trauma that your inner child has endured, they have become very anxious and depressed. Your lack of trust in others is your inner child coming forward.

Seven of Cups:

By rediscovering your dreams of success, you will be able to heal your inner child. As a result of your past, you have lost those dreams and this has caused a lot of pain to your inner child. You will be more willing to achieve success once you realize that people in your life don't determine how you spend your life, thus healing your inner child.

Princess:

You are your own knight in shining armor, according to this card. There is no need for anyone else to fight for you. To help your inner child heal, your guides are telling you that you must fight for yourself. You do not need the people in your life to approve of your life decisions.

How can you support your inner child?

The Devil:

As we have established, your inner child views you as the person they have always dreamed of becoming, and this card is showing that one way to support your inner child is by viewing yourself as they do. You can regain balance in your life by aligning your views of yourself with theirs.

Tower:

This card tells you to unplug and relax. You need some self-care at this moment. Your guides are saying that a way for you to support your inner child is by taking care of yourself. Love yourself, view yourself the way your inner child does.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

Six of Cups:

When you were a kid you were very passionate about life and your dreams of success. Those dreams were shattered by setbacks and jealous people who made you lose heart. You are being urged by your inner child to rediscover those dreams. Channel your inner child so you can feel that passion yet again.

Pile Two (Amethyst):

How do you see yourself?

The Empress:

Charm, charisma, and beauty are just a few of the things you think make you special. Your view is that you are a very creative and intelligent person who can succeed in anything they do. In your eyes, you exude a strong motherly nature that compels others to love being in your presence making you a great friend and lover.

The Gamine:

The Gamine rejects all things that society deems feminine, often rocking a pixie cut or a short chop with boxy clothes. They are free-spirited and a delight to be around. This is how you see yourself, as possessing a charming youthful spirit.

How does your inner child see you?

Six of Wands:

Your inner child sees you as someone who loves the spotlight but is very passionate, determined, and unafraid to take risks. In their eyes, you are positive, optimistic, and a natural-born leader. It feels to me that you are not at all someone they ever imagined becoming but they love who you have become.

The Siren:

The siren is a symbol of the challenge of resistance. Irresistible, she can entice just about anyone into her traps. She has every enchanted by her beauty and her voice. That is how your inner child perceives you, as someone who is irresistible and extremely strong.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Queen of Cups:

Your inner child feels very loyal to you. They love you very much and cannot believe how far you have come in your life. They are putting you on a pedestal due to the fact that you have surmounted everything they could have ever imagined becoming. They idolize you.

The High Priestess:

As this is the card of secrets, it seems like they are also reluctant to discuss how they are feeling at the moment. Maybe it is hard for them to trust others so they aren’t willing to share with me how they’re feeling currently. From the energy, I sense that they feel alone and that they cannot trust anyone else but themselves.

What did you lack as a child?

The Hierophant:

You had a very hectic childhood. Your family never had any traditions. Not only were there no traditions, but there was a lack of balance as well. Constantly walking on eggshells around the people in your life, you never knew what to expect. Not wanting to rock the boat for fear of uproar.

Three of Swords:

As a result of your hectic childhood, you received heartbreak after heartbreak. This makes sense with the energy I am receiving from your inner child. Your inner child is very untrustworthy because you lacked the stability in your childhood to feel like you could truly trust others.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Ten of Wands:

As a kid, the people in your life relied on you a lot to provide for them and to keep them in check. You were blamed for many things, and you had to enforce balance in a place where it did not exist. You were the parent to your siblings and you were the parent to yourself. Which has left your inner child scarred and scared to trust others.

Justice:

As a child, you experienced a lack of justice. You were blamed for so many of the bad things that happened because you were expected to be the emotional punching bag for so long and when you didn't live up to your role you were punished.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Three of Pentacles:

This scarring affected your education. Your family may have pressured you to stay home and take care of them, so you did not pursue higher education. Alternatively, you may not believe you are intellectually capable of pursuing higher education. Whatever the case may be, your education has been greatly affected by the scarring your inner child experienced.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Three of Wands:

The way for you to heal your inner child is by teaming up with someone. Asking for help. You have been conditioned all your life to be a strong individual, who never asks for help even when they need it. Now is the time to change that. Your guides want you to reach out to someone and ask for help when you need it. You do not need to tough it out alone.

Voyage:

Voyage tells you that you have all the answers within yourself, and you know it. You have been trying to avoid rocking the boat for some time now even though you knew that asking for help was the right option. You know, and maybe always have known, that you need help to get through this. Your inner child urges you to listen to yourself over trying to be what everyone else is telling you to be.

How can you support your inner child?

Two of Pentacles:

Your whole childhood lacked balance which left your inner child wounded. Here, your guides are telling you that the way for you to support your inner child is by finding balance in your life.

Escapist:

For a long time now, you have avoided what needs to be done in your life, avoiding this lack of balance. The way to support your inner child is to come home to yourself. Stop running away from yourself and what you need to do. Find that balance so you can begin to heal.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

Seven of Pentacles:

The Seven of Pentacles is all about plans paying off and having it come out here shows me that your inner child is telling you to maintain hope because soon your plans will pay off. If you do not have plans for the future, this is your inner child's way of telling you that you may need to plan more for your future because your hard work will pay off.

Additional Messages:

A channeled message I received from your inner child is, "You possess limitless abundance, you just need to believe it."

Pile Three (Amazonite):

How do you see yourself?

Nine of Wands:

You have faced an extreme amount of seemingly insurmountable challenges in your life and have come out on top almost every time. This has caused you to believe that you have unlimited potential to achieve all of your dreams. You see yourself as someone who will preserve until they reach their end goal.

The Demon Mother:

The Demon Mother is a vessel of mysterious power. She has a strong ability to manifest whatever it is she desires. She, however, commands attention, and others can’t help but be in awe of her. This is how you see yourself.

How does your inner child see you?

Ace of Wands:

Your inner child sees you as someone who is constantly pushing forward towards the things they want. They think that you are very successful when it comes to getting the things you want. Overall it seems to me that you and your inner child view you in the same way, as a very hardworking fiery individual. You could even be a fire sign, Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius.

The Psychic:

It is the psychic's strong intuition that allows them to see the future. They are able to predict what will happen in the future. Your inner child sees you as someone who has great abilities when it comes to your intuition. Whether you have practiced it or not doesn’t matter in their eyes, because to them you are very very magical.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Two of Pentacles:

They feel as though they are out of balance. This is interesting to me because they view you ultimately the same way as you view yourself. However, based on the energy I am getting from both you and them I think that you may be unaware of how strong your intuition really is. This is where they feel that imbalance, in you being unaware of how much power you hold. They know you can do so much with your powers if you were just aware of them.

What did you lack as a child?

Knight of Swords:

It seems to me that you had a masculine energy in your childhood who was very aggressive and caused you a great deal of drama and conflict growing up. This person loved to fight and that’s all they did when you were a kid, whether it was with you or other people. You were a witness to a lot of aggression.

Two of Swords:

Because of that person and their aggression, your childhood lacked a lot of balance. It was always a crossroads when it came to them, whether you should avoid them or face them. You were constantly juggling the drama and conflict that they put you through that your childhood lacked peace and balance.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Judgment:

You lacked the ability to make decisions for yourself as a child and this really left your inner child scarred. This aggressive person had strong control over almost everything in your life at a young age and you were never really given the chance to be in charge of your own life.

Strength:

When you were a kid you feared standing up for yourself against this person who had so much control over you. This fear made you believe that you were not strong enough to stand up for yourself, which left your inner child scarred as well.

How does that thing affect your life now?

The Hermit:

You now live your life in a constant hermit mode. Avoiding others at all costs because you fear ending up in a relationship like the one you had with that person. You are lonely as a result. You may have a few friends but you keep them at arm’s length, not allowing them to truly get to know you. You believe that you are the only one who will ever truly know you and love you.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Four of Pentacles:

The card of possessiveness indicates holding on to what you have with all your might. According to your guides, the only way you can heal your inner child is by keeping your things to yourself. Because you didn't have much control over your life and what you had when you were growing up, you aren't so possessive now. Since you never had anything to yourself as a kid, you allow others to take it from you at will. You may also just give your things to others because you aren't used to having them yourself. Your guides want you to stop that behavior and start holding onto the things you have.

Garden:

This card tells you that now is the time to focus on yourself, even if you feel that it is selfish. Put yourself first because you can now. Even though you were conditioned to believe that you are not in control of yourself, you are. Now is the time to truly listen to yourself and what you want, then go after it. If you do that, something good will arise, and that good thing will be the healing of your inner child.

How can you support your inner child?

Queen of Pentacles:

Treat yourself. Give yourself everything you have ever wanted, within reason. According to your guides, this is the way you can help your inner child. Bring luxury into your life, spend money on yourself, give yourself a spa day or two. Give yourself what you lacked as a child. Control over your needs and desires being fulfilled.

Lighthouse:

This is the card of not doubting your worth. Your childhood made you think that you were not capable of really anything, and that has really affected your inner child a great deal. The way for you to support your inner child is by believing in yourself, knowing that you truly are worthy of just about anything that you put your mind to.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

The Lovers:

Out of all of the piles here, the love that comes from your inner child is indescribable. Your inner child loves you so very much. It is hard for me to even find the words to describe the amount of love that is coming from them. They are extremely proud of you and everything that you have become. That is really all they want you to know, just how much they love you.

Additional Message:

Before closing out this pile this is what I heard from your inner child, “Thank you for everything. I love you, it’s always been you that was there no matter what.”

Pile Four (Rose Quartz):

How do you see yourself?

Page of Wands:

As a thrill-seeker, you consider yourself someone who enjoys adventures. In your eyes, you are passionate and free-thinking. You enjoy traveling, especially to exotic locations, and you enjoy socializing with other people. Aside from that, you have a very young heart, which makes you extremely optimistic and joyful. According to you, you are a very forgiving person who is willing to overlook red flags, which makes you an excellent friend.

The She-Wolf:

You see yourself as a person who is not only fierce but also has a great inner strength. In your eyes, you are a survivor, having been through so much and surviving it all. Additionally, you are very protective of the people in your life, willing to do whatever it takes to protect them.

How does your inner child see you?

The Magician:

Your inner child sees you as a very quick person. In their eyes, you have great mental agility. You are considered very magical, you have a strong intuition and are an amazing manifestor. You are seen by your inner child as someone who is very eloquent and highly intelligent.

The Magical Girl:

This is interesting to me because the Magician in Tarot is a very magical card, representing having an innate ability to manifest whatever it is you want. The Magician is very magical and in this Oracle deck, the Magical Girl is essentially the Magician. Your inner child defines you as someone with great abilities and someone who has grown so much over the course of their life.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Knight of Swords:

Right now, your inner child is very aggressive. Almost angry, they are restless and destructive. They are irritated and ready to fight. You have been ignoring your inner child for quite some time now, which has really pissed them off. There is strong firey energy here. In astrology, it seems to be more water or air energy rather than fire signs. You might be a Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Scorpio, Cancer, or Pisces. It feels like strong Scorpio energy.

What did you lack as a child?

Ten of Wands:

There were a lot of burdens placed on you as a child. It feels to me that you lacked a childhood as a kid. You were expected to be strong and mature and not act your age. You were the one who mainly held your family up which is a lot of pressure to put on a child resulting in a lack of innocence and play.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

King of Wands:

The King of Wands is a masculine energy consumed with their desires. Pure passion drives them to focus on their career and hobbies. Growing up, you had someone like this in your life. Instead of focusing on you, they focused on their career, making it so you were the one in charge because they were never around.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Death:

Death is the card of transformation, of shedding the old and embracing the new, becoming a new person. You have not been able to let go of your past, holding on to the old which is holding you back from your transformation. You can’t truly grow if you are not willing to let go of some things along the way. Your guides are saying that yes, you had a rough childhood but you have grown up. Now is the time to treat yourself the way you deserved as a kid, instead of maintaining that negative treatment.

What is something that you can do to heal your inner child?

Five of Swords:

You've been struggling for some time now, trying to regain control of your life. Yet, as we have established, the way in which you were battling for control is detrimental to you. According to you, now is the time to act your age and be mature because that is what is best for you. But you are treating yourself the same way that person treated you when you were a kid. By letting go of the idea that you are doing what is right for you, you will be able to heal your inner child. Instead of ignoring your inner child, embrace them.

Thorns:

A good support system is just as important as self-care. The idea that you only need yourself may have led you to go at life alone. Your guides are saying that you can heal your inner child by giving yourself a childhood. Hang out with your friends. Act like a child and have fun since that is what is needed here.

How can you support your inner child?

Ace of Pentacles:

The Ace of Pentacles is all about building a foundation. So, the way for you to support your inner child is by building a solid foundation for you to freely be able to act like a child in your life. You may not feel comfortable doing this in your life right now, but the key to this is building a solid foundation for you to do this. Surround yourself with people that allow you to do this, make your home a safe place, fill it with things that make you comfortable. The key to success here is your own comfort levels.

Confidence:

You also may be lacking the confidence to truly give yourself a break from the hustle and bustle of life and show your inner child. Your guides are saying that you need to build your confidence so you can support your inner child. The key to feeling confident is feeling comfortable. Make sure you are comfortable with the people you surround yourself with and with the things you surround yourself with.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

The Devil:

The Devil is all things passionate and all things taboo. Your inner child tells me that you avoid all these things because they scare you because your childhood lacked fun. You need to embrace some of the things that scare you. Take baby steps towards having fun. Do things you were never allowed to do as a child.

Additional Messages:

While channeling for this pile, I heard "Have fun...let loose...try new things...be brave, little one." I heard the phrase, "Chicken little," but I have no idea what it means. I'm hoping someone can understand what it means.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

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fific7 · 3 years

Text

Unexpected - Part 1

King Caspian x Reader

Summary: What happens if you push the respectful and well-behaved King Caspian a little too far? You’re about to find out.

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s mainly a mix of fluff and angst with some lemon zest 🍋 Friends to Lovers AU.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including debatable consent at first, loss of virginity and oral and unprotected* sex between consenting adults. Some drinking & swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My video edit)

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You and every unwed woman in Narnia knew that the handsome King Caspian was being pressured by his advisors to find a Queen for himself.

Most knew that to become Queen of Narnia would be unattainable for them - no doubt that would be some Princess from another country - and you had no illusions about your own chances. Your father was one of the lords at court and owned a large amount of land near Cair Paravel, but you were not a Royal so you were sure you’d never be considered.

You and Caspian had been friendly when you were younger but you doubted he’d remember you, so much had happened between then and now.

You’d been restless at home recently, mainly because your parents had started speaking of finding you a husband. Appalled, you’d pestered, pleaded with and finally persuaded your father to arrange for you to see Professor Cornelius as you wanted something with which to fill your days instead of playing the piano, embroidery and reading.

Cornelius had suggested you come to work with him as his research assistant, and you’d leapt at the chance. It also meant that you would live at Cair Paravel, away from the slightly smothering atmosphere at home. Your mother had not spoken to you for a week before you left (or your father, whom she blamed for setting up the interview in the first place). But she’d reluctantly accepted that you were flying the nest, however you’d had to endure an extremely long lecture about how you should behave while living away from home.

It seemed that you would be able to eat, drink, speak and bathe and not much else.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

King Caspian made his way to Cornelius’ study, knocking once before entering. The older man looked up at him, smiling and greeting him. Caspian threw himself into the chair in front of the desk, having lifted three books from it first.

“You are in need of some time away from your advisors, Caspian?”

The King nodded, running his hands over his face. “They just go on and on and on about how I need a wife and an heir. I am sure I will find a wife one day but I have other things I wish to concentrate on at the moment.” “Your next voyage?” Caspian nodded, “Yes. There is still much to do. The construction of the Dawn Treader is well under way, but I have an itinerary to decide upon and courses to plot.”

“I have a new research assistant starting tomorrow, I am sure she will be able to help you with that. She is well read and knowledgeable of the many other lands you may wish to visit.” Caspian looked up quickly at him, “She?” “Yes, she is my Lord Tirian’s daughter.” Caspian smiled, “I remember her. We played silly games together when we were young, whenever her father brought her to the castle. It will be so nice to see her again.”

Cornelius, hiding a smile, replied, “Oh, I think you will be very pleased to see her again, my King.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Feeling nervous for some reason, you tapped on Cornelius’ door and heard “Come in” in response. Stepping into the room, you were amazed at the numbers of books, manuscripts and charts which occupied the small room. You could hardly see the diminutive Cornelius in amongst it all, and he saw you taking in the piles stacked everywhere.

He chuckled, “Yes, there are too many, my dear. I’m hoping you can help me catalogue and store them as I confess the situation is getting out of control.” You bowed your head to him, “I’ll be happy to assist, Professor Cornelius.” “I’m so glad to hear that. On another note, the King is looking forward to meeting you again. I’d quite forgotten until I spoke to him about you that you were childhood friends.” You smiled, “Well, I’m not sure the King would have actually called me his friend as such, but we did spend happy hours playing hide and seek and pretending to fight dragons.”

Cornelius nodded, “He remembers those times fondly, my lady. He was not allowed to play with many other children, and I’m certain he considered you a friend of his. Come, let us go and reintroduce you to each other.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Caspian looked up from the document he was reading at his desk. There had been a sharp knock at the door of his chambers and then it had opened, Cornelius striding into the room with another person following him. He was transfixed as he looked upon the grown-up face of his childhood playmate. He stood and walked around the desk towards the two of them, whispering her name as she curtsied in front of him.

He was still staring at her. Cornelius cleared his throat seeing that the young King was lost for words, but Caspian ignored him as he heard her soft voice, “It is so nice to see you again, your Majesty.” “Caspian,” he said immediately, “we never called each other anything except our first names, did we?” She was smiling up at him, and he was still a little overwhelmed. This was the skinny little girl he’d run about with all those years ago? Now, she was a woman - a beautiful woman. “No, Caspian, we didn’t.”

Cornelius interjected, “I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted, so I’m going back to my study. Your Majesty, my lady.” He gave a small bow and left the room.

Caspian indicated the large couch by the window and she made her way to it, gathering her dress underneath her as she sat down. He sat at the other end, and without thinking he reached out and took her hand. She smiled, wrapping her fingers around his hand as they’d done so many years ago, while running headlong through the orchards next to the castle.

“I’m so very sorry about your father, Caspian. He was always so kind to me. You must miss him dreadfully.” Caspian looked down quickly and she heard him say quietly, “Thank you. Yes, I miss him every minute of every day.” He met her eyes once more, “But we were able to right the wrongs done to him and Narnia, for which I am very grateful.” She smiled at him again, “And here you are, a King! My childhood friend. I really didn’t think you’d remember me.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Caspian’s dark brown eyes gazed into yours and he held your hand even tighter. “Of course I remember you! Do you think I’d forget my only friend?! Your visits and the little time we spent together made my life bearable.”

You were shocked, and felt so sad for him. “Oh, Caspian! I can’t have been your only friend, surely?” His eyes filled with tears and he looked down again, “Believe me, you were. I was so lucky that we’d met before my father died, so it would have looked strange if my uncle had banned us from meeting. He kept me totally isolated most of the time. I think he did that so people maybe wouldn’t notice when it was time to kill me.”

Cornelius hadn’t told you it had been this bad for him! Your own eyes were watering now as you thought about the hardships he’d had to face at such a young age. Without giving it much thought, you flung your arms round him and hugged him tightly. His head came to rest on your shoulder and your hand went to the back of his head, stroking his silky hair. His shoulders shook slightly and you knew he was crying, so you just held him until he was ready to sit back from you. He stood up abruptly and turned to look out of the window, a hand swiftly wiping his cheeks dry.

He gave a choked laugh, “I’m so sorry, this was supposed to be a happy reunion and we are both crying,” looking down at you as you also wiped tears away. “I’m sorry, Caspian. I mentioned your father and perhaps I shouldn’t have?” He shook his head, “No, I’m glad that you did. And at least we have now spoken of his passing and can remember and talk about happier times.” You smiled at him, “Yes, I shall enjoy that. Although maybe I should speak firstly about how worried I was on the occasion we came to visit, and you were not there. I asked as many guards and lords as I could where you were, but I was told to stop being a nosy child. My father would say nothing to me either, despite my tantrums!”

Caspian burst out laughing, “Oh I remember your tantrums so well! I’m impressed he didn’t give in to you in the face of one of those!” You slapped him lightly on the arm, also laughing, “Caspian! You’re supposed to be my friend!” He became serious again, “I most certainly am. I’m overjoyed to have you back in my life. So much has happened in the past few years, and there has been so much to do, but rest assured I would have tracked you down eventually.” His hand went to your face, stroking your cheek gently and you felt your breath catch. He looked so handsome. Very much a man now, rather than the adolescent boy you’d once known.

His head moved much closer to yours, and you thought for a moment that he was going to kiss you.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Caspian suddenly realised what he was about to do, and pulled back sharply. He should not kiss her.

They’d only just met again, but he knew that all his feelings for her were still there. He’d just pushed them down, deep deep down, so that he could carry out what he’d needed to do for Narnia and for his father’s memory.

He’d been in love with her when he was a boy, and now that he was a man - he knew that he still loved her. He’d nearly passed out when he’d seen her again today after being apart from her for so long. All those suppressed feelings had come raging back through his veins in an instant, overwhelming, all-consuming, setting his mind and body alight with a burning passion.

But she’d said he was her friend. So he doubted that she felt the same kind of love for him that he felt for her. He must bear that in mind and act accordingly, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t the case.

Stepping back from her, he let his hand fall from her face and smiled sadly at her.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

#ben barnes #king caspian #king caspian x reader #king caspian fan fiction #king caspian imagine #king caspian fanfic #narnia #voyage of the dawn treader

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bangtae-sohotddaeng · 4 years

Text

we’ll be counting stars | k.th. | 3

(^ gif cred: ON THE VOYAGE | pinterest)

pairing: idol!Taehyung x publisher!Reader

rating: nc-17 (for language and themes)

summary: You’d sworn off love and relationships forever. You were here to do your job - work with the biggest boyband of the world. Not forge friendships and...and whatever it was that you and Taehyung were building up with these sneaky glances. It was, to be very fair, your Chief Editor’s fault that you’d landed in this mess. Maybe you should quit your job? Maybe you should quit life -

Oh, he was staring again, and did he freaking lick his lips?

warnings: swearing (reader’s got a potty mouth) + this is set like 5 years in the future + reader has emotional issues, she's a relationship phobe + mentions of weed

genre: so much ANGST ugh + fluff + comedy + some crack

words: 5 k

note: hey, y'all. so last month i went on a new year's trip to my boyfriend's city (yes, covid has forced us into an ldr, fml) and got too occupied in all the celebrations and reunions, and this got delayed. also, you might have noticed how the chapters progressively grow wordier, lmao i'd been confused. but i think i've found the perfectly comfortable number now. expect this length from now on. thank you for reading~💜

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gimme feedback, much much appreciated!

You were, to be very honest, a complete mess at this point.

You hadn’t been quite certain as to what to expect when you’d picked Jungkook’s name out of the bowl in your office, but you could say with certainty that it hadn’t been even close to this.

This boy was brimming with ideas! You hadn’t been able to get a single sentence in the midst of his own enthusiastic chatter, with words and ideas folding and layering all over each other. All you had done was nod, mumble words of agreement and appreciation—that you were pretty sure he didn’t even hear—and type it all. Freaking typing. So much typing.

So basically, the entirety of yesterday spent fussing over the repertoires to ensure that the list of tasks for the first set of three weeks were well-constructed had led to this—not being able to so much as tell him about the questions your team had so meticulously framed! You felt irked, amused, exasperated, exhausted, and at the same time, really fucking lost.

How were you supposed to interrupt him without disrespecting him? You didn’t have a great amount of tact and usually just cut to the chase. Which was generally an appreciated quality in your profession, because no writer wanted to be just lathered with compliments to later find out his work was actually bullshit that no one wanted to read. But this situation was different. You felt pressured, nervous and out of your element. Because you really had no idea how to respectfully stop this guy from making a mess of all your hard work.

He was Jeon freaking Jungkook of BTS, for God’s sake!

How could you shut him up?

You were both in Jungkook’s personal studio in the BTS dorm. The boy was seated on a couch across the coffee table from your own, literally swimming in a trillion size bigger t-shirt and some loose sweatpants. His hair floof-ed all over the place as he spoke, bubbling and bursting with enthusiasm. Which he was doing a lot of. Speaking, that is.

For the better part of two hours now, you’d been listening to him go on and on about what all he wanted to include in the book. Your fingers were nearly cramping with all the typing, but you’d promised the guys no recorders and you didn’t wanna miss anything he said. But it was freaking difficult with the speed he was going at!

And also with the mess and reluctance in your own head. You were used to pulling the reins with writers. This situation was making you feel incompetent.

You hadn’t even touched your list, yet. What would your teammates think of you if their very team leader failed to finish with the assigned data collection and messed up the team’s hard work? Ugh!

Currently, Jungkook was having you make a list of all the people he needed to talk about in the book.

“And there was this boy my age, Ji-Hyun, he was so much better than me at everything! It is him, truly, that I credit my overachieving traits to. I had to work so, so hard—oh! Please also note down Mun-Hee’s name! She was the best dancer in my entire school. So… wait, where was I?” He looked up at you with wide big, round eyes.

You opened your mouth to speak—was this when you asked him to shut up? It had to be, right, because this was the first time he’d actually prompted you to speak.

You meant to take your shot, but then stopped. You blinked. Looked back at your laptop. Blinked again.

You were so confused, right now. “Uh, Ji-Hyun was better than you—”

“Oh yes!” Jungkook exclaimed, launching off into a detailed story about how and in what respects, exactly, this guy was better than Jungkook.

You shut your eyes. This had gone beyond “taking notes” and was quickly turning into Jungkook enthusiastically reminiscing his childhood and freaking telling you tales about it. And he seemed to be enjoying himself so thoroughly, looking so adorable, that it felt very wrong to ask him to stop even when you tried to avoid the added pressure of him being a whole ass idol.

But you had actual work to do. And you were leading a team. You couldn’t act so unprofessionally.

In hindsight, maybe you shouldn’t have told the boys that this was going to be like “making friends.” Jungkook seemed to have taken it too literally.

Biting down on your lip, you cleared your throat. He didn’t acknowledge it. Sighing, you shut your laptop. “Jungkook?”

This time, he stopped mid-word, looking at you with his lips rounded in a pout, sparkling eyes turning into saucers.

Now, you were in no way attracted to the guy, but you really could not deny how freaking cute he looked in the moment.

“All okay?” he asked, looking at you and then the shut laptop on your lap.

You took a deep breath, winced a little, and then shook your head. “No, Jungkook. We need to pause…” You had to stop speaking when his face crumpled. “Whoa…um?”

Jungkook slumped in his place, shoulders sinking. “I’ve been giving horrible ideas, haven’t I?”

Your eyes widened. “What? No! Absolutely not! That isn’t the case, I was…”

He wiped his face with both his hands before looking at you with really sad eyes, all enthusiasm from some time ago washed away. “Then what? You can tell me, it’s okay.”

Now. You prided yourself to be a practical human being who strived to be as straightforward in her life as possible. But right now, you really could not stop yourself from lying your way out of this one. You decided to blame it on the fear of upsetting a client, and not the impossible-to-control empathy that Jungkook’s doe eyes seemed to naturally draw out of people.

“I just need a coffee. It’s been a while, my hands need a break. And my brain’s kinda overwhelmed, too,” you expertly lied, relaxing when Jungkook’s eyebrows lifted.

“We’ve been sitting here for long, haven’t we?” he said in an almost guilty tone before standing up. “And I didn’t even show you around the dorm!”

You tried to tell him how it was really not necessary, not to mention a bit too personal and…not what you were here for? But he was already moving towards the door and beckoning you along.

“Come on, let’s drop by the kitchen and then we’ll take a walk around the property!” he enthusiastically announced.

You stood up and followed him out of the room, awkwardly trying to ignore the two bodyguards that had stood as still as mannequins while you were in the room and then started to follow Jungkook wordlessly as you left.

The walk to the kitchen was a short one, and the place was, unsurprisingly, not empty.

Your team members along with their partnered BTS members had been assigned one particular space in the dorm, each. According to the email you received last evening, the kitchen was supposed to be used by Simon and—

“Taehyungie-hyung! Are those chicken burgers?” Jungkook excitedly rounded the kitchen island to peek into the paper bag Taehyung was fiddling with. “They smell so good…”

You looked from Jungkook’s face that was awash with childlike excitement to Taehyung’s, and your breath caught when you found his eyes already trained on you. While you struggled to formulate a coherent thought at the intensity his eyes seemed to be emanating, yet again, his lips slipped into an easy smile.

“Hello!” he greeted you cheerily, bowing his head.

You, dazedly, bowed back and dragged your feet up to the island, standing across from the two guys. “Hey,” you mumbled in English.

His smile widened further to show his teeth. “Food?” he asked you in English, nodding at the burger Jungkook was pulling out of the bag.

You shook your head. “No, coffee,” you responded in Korean, earning raised eyebrows from him.

“I hate coffee.”

You smiled, this time. “You’re missing out.”

“Can I call you by your name?” he asked out of the blue, and you did a double take.

“Uh…yes?” you stammered. “Yes, of course Taehyung-ssi.”

“You should call me Tae.”

You swallowed, continually nodding your head like a damn puppet. “Yes. Tae. Sure.”

“I’m bac—boss?”

You twisted on your heels at the familiar squeak. “Simon, hi,” you mumbled, professionalism slipping over you in the blink of an eye at having a member of your team in your vicinity. “Where did you wander off to?”

Simon seemed to be sweating a bit, and you really couldn’t really tell why. You’d just asked a simple question.

Maybe you’d become too scary…

“Just the loo,” Simon responded with a forced giggle.

You nodded, giving him a long look and observing how his smile grew progressively weirder. Then you turned back to the island. And nearly choked.

Taehyung’s fringe hung over his eyes, making his eyes look that much more hooded. His lips were twisted up as he watched you.

Oh, dear God, did this guy have a crush on you or something? But how? Why?

He was a bonafide Greek God, and you were…well. Not.

And needless to say, he was literally not allowed to have a crush on you. Or anybody else, for that matter. It was against BigHit’s policies. According to what you’d read, the boys were to wait out one more year, as of now, before indulging in any sort of romance.

You were, by contract, also bound to not encourage any such advancements. Not that smiling at you could be considered one, to be honest. He could very well be trying to make friends, and you could be reading too much into it.

You decided to stop thinking so much.

“You want to eat something?” Jungkook asked as he handed you a cup of brew.

You smiled and shook your head. “I don’t eat at work. None of us do.” You eyed Simon and he nodded with his gaze wide. “Disturbs the momentum.”

“Hey, you shouldn’t consider this strictly work,” Taehyung spoke up in that deep ass voice of his, startling you. “We’re also making friends, here. This is also not your office, but our home.”

And then he grinned at you with all of his teeth. You felt your cheeks heating up.

This was not going according to plan.

You were panicking.

Flashing Taehyung a close-lipped smile, you stepped away from the counter. “Um, Jungkook?” you mumbled. “D’you guys have a pool in the house?”

Jungkook looked surprised but as enthusiastic as ever. He nodded, his hair bouncing all over. “Come on!”

Throughout your walk around the house, you had tried to slip in ideas from your first three week’s layout to Jungkook that would fascinate him enough to make him at least want to hear them out. And, you’d proudly like to claim, it had worked.

Jungkook had heard your plans and had even asked you to pull the list up on your laptop to have a look at it. And henceforth, you’d made tremendous progress.

And now, at nearly nine o’clock of the night, you and your team were taking your leave for the day.

You had exchanged brief words with all the members to see how they found their partners. Currently, you were conversing with Yoongi.

“ARMYs know a lot about all of that,” the guy said, referring to his life before BTS. “But there’s still a lot that they don’t. I talked to Nathan about all of it, we made notes. I’m really excited about the book.”

You gave him a professional grin. “I couldn’t be happier! Nathan’s got a really innovative mind. I’m sure he’ll make this a good experience for you.”

Nodding, Yoongi wished you a good night and bowed. You bowed back, moving away from the building and towards the vans waiting to drive you back to your hotel.

Jimin flashed you a wide grin as you got into the car. “Have a good night,” he wished you, shutting the door like a gentleman. Then he peeked and waved at Areum, your team member assigned to him. “See you tomorrow, Areum-ssi!”

Namjoon followed suit with a hand forwarded through the window for you to shake. “How did today go for you?” he asked you in English, causing Hoseok to elbow Jungkook, probably asking the younger to eavesdrop. Jungkook’s eyes met yours, though, and the two of you shared a covert giggle. “Did we meet your expectations?”

You smiled, formally. “It was… a good introduction of sorts, I’d say. Highly informative. Moderately productive. And we didn’t have any expectations, per se, but my team really loved you guys. We’re super excited to be working with you.”

You looked around yourself, prompting the three team members seated with you to nod in agreement. “Likewise!” Namjoon nodded at you, his smile turning his eyes to crescent moons.

“Thank you. How was your experience with Sana?” you asked him, nudging the girl sitting next to you.

Namjoon grinned with his teeth. “Amazing! She’s really compassionate and driven. Today’s session was interesting and felt comfortable. I’m eagerly looking forward to more.”

You secretly exhaled in relief. Sana had been the one person on your team that you’d been the most worried about. It was good to learn that she’d managed to impress Namjoon despite her initial nerves.

Next to you, she gave a short, very professional chuckle, and leant by you to nod at Namjoon. “Thank you, Namjoon-ssi.”

“Have a safe journey and a good night,” Namjoon wished you before peeking into the car. “Bye, Sana! See you tomorrow!”

You waved at the boys and their manager as your van started to move. You looked behind to check that the other one, carrying the remaining three members of your team, was following closely behind.

“What a day!” Simon exclaimed from his seat opposite you.

“You can say that again,” you mumbled, massaging your temples. “And what was up with you? You looked really wound up when I saw you in the kitchen.”

Simon took his glasses off and rested his head against the back of the van’s seat. “Let’s just wait it out, boss. I’ll tell you later if I absolutely have to. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

You frowned, but let him be.

Today was just the first day. If you stuck to your schedule, you would have a hundred and twenty five more of these before this project was done.

You could do it.

Right?

You, as it turned out by the end of the first week, could do it. The same couldn’t be said about Simon, though.

On Saturday night, barely an hour after you’d all retired to your rooms after dinner, Simon sent an SOS to the group chat. The six of you were in his room within a minute.

“You look physically okay,” Nathan, the only other guy on the team, mumbled as he squinted at the bespectacled nervous wreck. “What’s up?”

“I can’t do this anymore!” Simon blurted out.

All eyes immediately landed on you.

You did a double take. “Come again? You can’t do what anymore?”

He sighed, shrinking into himself as Riya, another member of your team, sleepily sat on one corner of his bed. “You can’t quit the project, Si,” she mumbled, patting his shoulder. “You signed a contract.”

Simon’s wide eyes met yours. You raised your eyebrows.

“Then—then I need a different partner.”

Sana clicked her tongue. “No can do. We’ve all worked on our homeworks. No one’s gonna sacrifice theirs for you.”

You agreed, so you stayed quiet when Simon looked at you in hopes of a counter.

“I can’t go into another week, please! It’s…” Simon trailed off with a helpless expression on his face.

You sighed. “Everyone, out.”

Your team trickled out of the room, tossing curious glances and hushed whispers your way.

“What is it?” you questioned Simon when it was just the two of you.

“He’s too intense. I have a huge crush on him.”

Your jaw fell open. “Dude… I… what? You have a fiance!”

He exhaled. “Yeah, he cheated on me.”

You drew a sharp breath, shocked. “Oh. Oh, my God, what? What the hell’s been going on with you, I’m so sorry, Simon. Are you…okay? When did you find out?”

“I’d been suspicious for a whole week, hoping it’d turn out to be a lie.” He sighed. “Guess not. But, don’t worry.” He waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll deal with it, no big deal. It’s happened before. I’ve done it before, too, that’s not the issue. The problem is that, right now, this is all making me wanna kiss Taheyung. What the fuck do I do, boss?”

You sympathised with the guy and felt responsible, in a way. After all, you’d been the one that forced him to propose to his boyfriend so that you could bring him with you on this project. If only you knew what kind of a toxic pair these two were! Goddammit.

But, this guy was really telling you he couldn’t focus on work properly because he wanted to kiss Taehyung? For real?

What a guy.

“Get a fucking grip, Simon, what else?” you exclaimed, throwing your arms up.

“No, I can’t. Don’t you think I have tried, already? Please take me off this project before I fuck things up for all of us and the company.” He shut his eyes, rubbing his face with both his palms. “And I’ve also, technically, broken the contract, so… Ask Boss to send someone else in.”

Was this happening for real? You were caught between wanting to smash the glass vase kept next to you over Simon’s head, and hurling yourself over the balcony.

You inhaled deeply, then exhaled. You could, realistically, do neither of the above. So you thought clinically and professionally, and made the sound decision to burden your boss with this mess instead of trying to sweep it under the rug by yourself.

“Fine.” You cleared your throat. “Take a break tomorrow. I’ll have a word with Manager Woo, he’ll talk to Taehyung. Tomorrow’s a Sunday, so I’ll be calling Boss for the first weekly check-in. I’ll ask her if something can be done to replace you on the team.”

Simon nodded with a grimace, which may have been his attempt at trying to smile.

You retired to your room on heavy feet. How could things go south in a week? You had barely begun and a buckload of bullshit was on you already.

Exhaling, you opened your laptop to leave a mail for Manager Woo. Quoting a personal emergency, you drafted an apologetic letter stating Simon’s absence tomorrow and asked the man to forward your apologies to Taehyung as well. At the same time, you were also mentally seasoning yourself for a possible confrontation with Taehyung when you went in tomorrow.

You’d just put your laptop away when your phone rang. Frowning, you lifted it up, only to silent the ring with a groan.

Ever since you landed in Seoul, your best-friend cum roommate back at home had taken to giving you a call every single night. Even when you didn’t pick up. Ever.

Every morning you would text him an apology, and every night he would call again. It’d been a week to this pattern, now.

Why was he doing this? You’d made it abundantly clear that you weren’t going to get roped into any kind of affair with him—emotional or physical. What did he want, now?

For a second, you wondered if he was maybe only just concerned about your well-being in a foreign country? But then you dismissed it, immediately. Why would he? What had you ever done to deserve his—or anyone’s, really—concern? You were a bitch to the majority of people in your life, without trying and even meaning to. Why would anyone give a fuck about you without ulterior motives, right?

Lying back on your pillows, you looked at the ceiling.

You’d been absolutely horrible at treating people with compassion and care for the majority of your life. You were always labelled either too prudish, too selfish, too career-oriented, or plainly, too narcissistic by people around you.

And, strangely enough, it never bothered you.

But that didn’t mean you had not cared about anyone, ever. You had. Too much too, once upon a time. But what had that left you with? Expectations and hurt.

So then, wasn’t it better to not care at all, and not expect at all? You never got hurt, this way.

Sighing, you rolled over to your side, tugging the covers up to your chin. Lifting up your phone from the nightstand, you turned it to silent.

An unread message was displayed on the locked screen:

Looks like you went to bed early again, lol. Hope you’re safe, warm and relaxed. Have a good day at work tomorrow xo

You sighed, yet again. You did not need anyone’s hugs and kisses for your day to be good. Why couldn’t people take a hint?

Shutting your eyes, you tried to get some sleep.

You were absolutely not surprised when, barely an hour into a fierce discussion about his school life, you and Jungkook were disturbed by a knock on the door. But Jungkook was, and jumped at the loud rapping, his wide eyes flashing to the door.

Your back being to the doorway, you looked at the boy expectantly to inform you of the intruder. Not that you didn’t already know.

Jungkook didn’t say anything, though, and simply kept looking behind you with raised eyebrows and rounded eyes. You sat very tightly wound up, contemplating whether to peek around the sofa’s high back or to stand up, when a deep, heavy voice enunciated your name.

You stood up, slowly, pulling on a professional frown of very minute concern on your face. You willed yourself to act surprised when your eyes met a timid looking Taehyung’s. And, you actually slightly were, too. Why did he seem so shifty and nervous?

“Hello, Tae,” you wished, formally bowing to greet him.

He bowed back, licking his lips as he stood back straight up. “May I please borrow you for a few minutes?”

You twisted on your heels to look at Jungkook. It took him a few seconds to focus on your stare and recognise the question. “Oh! Sure! Of course! I’ll be here, I’ll wait.”

Nodding in gratitude, you stepped out of the studio to join Taehyung in the lounge area attached to the kitchen.

“I know what you would ask—”

“Have I not been cooperating well with Simon?” Taehyung cut you off with a question you were not expecting.

You frowned. “What makes you say that? He had a personal emergency today, Tae, that’s all! I’m sure he must be having a great time working with you.”

Taehyung sighed. “You think, or you know?”

How were you supposed to answer that? You bit your lip, trying to read Taehyung’s eyes, but the collar-bones peeking above the wide neckline of his oversized, brown t-shirt kept distracting you. On some level, you could understand what Simon must have been facing. But! You were all supposed to be professional adults and quell any unprofessional thoughts and not foster them!

You turned your face to your feet, not missing the wide-legged, knee-length shorts Taehyung wore. You mentally cursed yourself.

His sigh floated over to you. “I hope it isn’t something I did. I know I can seem a bit overwhelming sometimes and uninterested at other times, but… I am excited for this project and I really want to give it my best, too.” His eyes looked pained when you met them again. You softened. “Please tell me the truth.”

You drew in a breath. “It’s just as I told you, Tae. Simon has to sort some issues out in his personal life. And what makes you think you’re too overwhelming or uninterested? Did Simon say something?”

“No, no!” Taehyung immediately shook his head. “I just…speak from previous experiences. I don’t collaborate with people that well. I tire them out. And Simon… I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much. I feel like he doesn’t really agree with my ideas, just goes along out of courtesy.”

Your lips turned downwards. “I’m sure it’s none of that, Tae. Absolutely positive. And if worse comes to worst and the two of you actually aren’t able to work together, we will arrange for a switch-up so that you’re able to work comfortably.”

Taehyung seemed to perk up at that. “Switch-up? Will you work with me?”

You narrowed your eyes. He seemed a bit too keen about wanting to work with you, didn’t he? You could very clearly recall your first meeting and how he’d seemed to wane when you told him you were paired up with Jungkook.

Curious.

“We’ll see how it unfolds. But as of now, I am partnered up with Jungkook and you’re fretting over nothing. Simon will be back tomorrow, and things will get back on track. I promise.”

You hoped.

Taehyung nodded, excusing himself to visit the kitchen and you took your leave and came back to an eagerly waiting Jungkook.

He stood up the moment you entered the room. “Is everything okay? Hyung looked sad.”

You honestly had zero idea as to what to tell Jungkook. Pursing your lips, you slowly nodded in contemplation as you made your way to your seat. “He’s not working well with Simon,” you honestly told him.

“Oh.” Jungkook’s lips rounded, forming an adorable pout. “Taehyung hyung has a very artistic soul,” he said, taking you by surprise. You leant forward to listen in with interest. “He tends to get awkward and insecure about his ideas and conceptualizations. They’re usually off-beat and hard to work with, but they’re amazingly creative if you look at them like an artist. Not everybody has the right vision for those things, though. Maybe that is why Simon is…” Jungkook trailed off with a shrug.

You bit your lip in consideration. Taehyung’s words echoed in your head.

‘I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much.’

Maybe they really were mismatched, outside of Simon’s immature, unprofessional, god-awful behaviour, too.

“Hey, could we add him to our group?” Jungkook suddenly asked, confusing you.

“Huh?” you very eloquently responded.

He gave a small giggle. “Hyung. Could he work with us? We have been pretty efficient, and you certainly seem to have an artistic vision.”

You smiled. “Thank you, Jungkook, that’s really flattering. But also, no, I don’t think we can do that. The contract we’ve all drawn has a couple of strict clauses and one-on-one sessions is one of them.”

Frowning, Jungkook nodded in acceptance.

The two of you resumed your discussions from before, but the vigour and drive was now lessened to a great extent. You, especially, couldn’t stop worrying. You were the leader of the team, after all.

Sunday night brought in the awaited conference call with your boss.

Looking at her excited, smiling face on your computer screen, you couldn’t help but dread the news you were about to break to her.

“So. How is it going?” Your boss rubbed her hands together, wiggling her eyebrows. “How is Sana doing? You were quite wound up about her, if I remember correctly.”

“You do remember correctly. There’s good news and bad news,” you responded with a grimace. “Which one first?”

Your boss pursed her lips. “Don’t wanna immediately spoil my mood, so, the good one please.”

“Sana has been doing fantastic. She’s been nothing short of professional, and according to what I’ve seen and heard, Namjoon is really pleased with her,” you relayed, smiling when your boss sighed in relief.

“Okay, so that’s out of the way. What’s wrong?”

You sighed. Better rip the band-aid straight off. “Simon has a huge crush on Taehyung and feels like he broke the contract. He wants to leave.”

You watched quietly as your boss choked on an inhale, coughed, had some water, and sat back down to blink at you with a blank face. “These words must not leave your room. Or Simon’s. None of the BigHit staff must catch a wind of it.”

You groaned. “Please don’t ask me to work through this, boss, please—”

“Work through it, Y/N!” your boss cruelly cut you off. “This is such a tiny, little, manageable thing! Resolve it.”

You gawked. “You literally just choked—how is this little, boss?”

“Counsel Simon. Ask him to push through. Threaten his employment with us, if necessary.”

It was your turn to blink at her, owlishly. “And? That’s it?”

Your boss shrugged. “And if it doesn’t work out, swap him with someone else on your team.”

You sighed. “This is all such high school, teen flick bullshit. What the hell.”

“I know, hun. Which is why I’m asking you to manage it. And I know you can. You’re my favourite, Y/N.” Your boss nodded at you with a solemn look. “I have believed in your capabilities since day one. It’s time to make them shine.”

You nodded, dumbly. The back of your mind was hinting at an inkling that you were being manipulated by flattery, but the forefront was basking in all the praise and could really not be bothered.

All you had to do was keep the whole thing hush-hush from the BigHit people and keep Simon in line, right? You could manage that.

Bidding your boss goodbye, you rung up Simon.

“Hey, boss.”

“You’re coming with us tomorrow and you’re gonna be a fucking professional like you’re supposed to!” you barked into the phone. “Bottle up your feelings, or eat them—I don’t care. You’ll do the job you were here for, and you’ll do it right.”

There was a long, suspended silence at the other end. And then a sigh escaped Simon. “I don’t think I have a choice. Fine, I’ll try.”

You put your phone to silent and shut your eyes, knowing you’d receive another call tonight and that you won’t pick up tonight, either.

You lay back in the bed, gearing up for tomorrow.

If worse actually did come to worst, and Simon sent everything down the rabbit hole, who would you make him swap places with? All of you had built really amazing rapports with your assigned partners in just a week. No one would be willing to start over.

If it came to it, would you have to? Would you be able to?

You could maintain professionalism a hundred times better than Simon, that much was certain. But you and Jungkook had been working so well! And who was to say Simon wouldn’t cause trouble with Jungkook, too?

You let out a whine, beyond mad at the situation this guy had landed you in.

But you’d have to navigate out of it, somehow. This was the biggest project of your life so far—the first ever you were heading. You would ensure everything worked out at the end.

You would tie all the loose ends and make it all work. You would.

(You literally had no choice.)

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kpoptart216 · 4 years

Text

Never Alone- Namjoon Oneshot

Genre: Angst. Fluff ending?? read till the end to find out.

A/n: I’m sorry in advance.

Length: 6.4k+ oops

Masterlist

It was a rough week. Probably the roughest week Namjoon has had since he debuted, he thought. He’s probably had worse weeks but this one at least took the cake for the last year or two.

He fucked up one too many things. First, he messed up choreography during one of their live stages, and the fancam happened to go viral. What he thought was a small mistake ended up trending on twitter. It wasn’t that bad, even Hoseok hadn’t berated him about it. He just didn’t like worldwide attention on his slip-up. Next, he ended up deleting an entire file on a song he was working on. No back-up or anything. It was just gone. In all his years composing music, he had always created a back-up so of course the one time he didn’t, it got deleted. Then management came to him and said he couldn’t take time off like he wanted once he got back from his Bon Voyage trip to spend with you and his family like he had wanted. It was his mother’s birthday and he didn’t know how he could face telling her that he couldn’t celebrate with her in person- again. The cherry on top had to have been when he decided to pack early for his trip and then ended up spelling an entire glass of juice into his suitcase when he tripped over the phone cable he had laying around. He felt like tossing the suitcase out the balcony with the level of frustration he was facing and he could feel the stress and anger bubble inside of him.

The boys were wary of his mood and tried their best to stay out of his way, but unfortunately no one had warned you of his increasingly angry mood. Not even your best friend, Jin, who was busy with his own work before the trip.

It was now the night before they had to leave and it was always tradition Namjoon came over to see you before he left the country, let alone Seoul. He trudged into your apartment with the spare key he had used a million times before, and if it wasn’t for his mood, he probably would have sensed the tension inside.

You weren’t aware of your boyfriend’s miserable week, since it felt like you were having a pretty bad one yourself. A few months ago, you had found out your father was dying. You and your father were never really close growing up. After your mother passed away, you and your father grew apart while grieving. You didn’t really blame him, but you grew up with the belief that you could only rely on yourself in this world, no one else. Over the last few years, you and your father have been trying to mend what little of a relationship you had, so when you found out that he was sick and needed a liver replacement, you cursed the stars for such a fate. Why did he get such a diagnosis when you just started to get to know one another again.

Earlier that day, the hospital had called and said your dad needed the surgery very soon and they were hoping to hear back about an organ donor from the next city over. Since then, you had been on edge, besides yourself. But the only comfort you knew you needed was from that of your boyfriend. But you were so out of it, you hadn’t even noticed he was there till he plopped himself onto the couch next to you, sighing loudly.

Namjoon just needed to sleep this entire week off. He loved his career, but sometimes it was...draining. Though he had 6 other brothers going through it, it looked like they seemingly had it easier. Why weren’t their mistakes broadcasted to the world? Why were some members allowed to go home when they needed it? He felt physically and mentally exhausted, it took a lot just to drive over here today. But he knew he had to see you before he was off for the next two weeks.

“Y/n I don’t think I’m going to be staying very long tonight, I’m really tired, love” he said, rubbing his eyes. It was only then that you had turned to face him, feeling the sadness engulf you twice has hard now. You just needed him to hold you right now and tell you that everything was going to be ok.

“C-can you stay?” You ask timidly. You never asked this of him. Never once had you requested more time of your boyfriend because you understood the importance of his time and career. One of the things you both valued about your relationship was that you both understood each other’s careers. While Namjoon was a world class idol, you were an up and coming lawyer. Both careers demanded a lot of your time, and yet you both made it work. And you made it work well.

“What?” he asked, still not really looking at you. “I don’t think so. I still have to pack a few things and I have an early morning” he said, looking at his watch now.

“I-I just need you tonight” you say, choking up. You were about to explain the situation before Namjoon interrupts you.

“What part of no do you not understand, Y/n?” he said loudly. This was the first time in your relationship he had ever yelled at you. “I can’t deal with this right now. No means fucking no. I thought it would be nice to stop by like I usually do, but I did not plan on coming to see my clingy girlfriend. You said you understood my career, so what the fuck is this? I’m telling you I have an early flight tomorrow and now of all days you ask me to spend the night? Jesus Y/n, either learn to accommodate to my schedule or find someone who can be here when you decide you need to cuddle or whatever” he says angrily before stomping out of your apartment.

You sat there, shocked at his remarks. You had honestly forgot he was leaving tomorrow for his trip with the boys. With everything going on with your father today, it had completely slipped your mind. Was your request really that outlandish?

(X)

Namjoon pretty much passed out as soon as he got home and finished packing, the exhaustion setting in quick. It felt like he was only asleep for a few minutes before his alarm rang a little too loud for his comfort. Before he could really comprehend everything, he was sitting in his flight seat, well on his way to New Zealand.

Slowly as he started to relax into his seat, he replayed his last week. As he was on his way to enjoy his time in a new country, he felt thankful for the experience. He eased into his seat further as he tried to sleep until he jolted up, remembering his conversation with you.

You had hardly said a sentence or two before he practically blew up at you.

“Ahh Hyung, what’s wrong, you scared me” Jungkook says, startled by his sudden actions.

“I- I had a fight with Y/n last night. Well I don’t know if you could consider it a fight, but I said some things I really didn’t mean...” Namjoon said sadly, looking down at his phone.

“It will be ok! Y/n noona is always so forgiving. Remember that time I accidently threw a water balloon at her when I was aiming for Jimin hyung? She was only annoyed for a second before she threw one right back at me!” Jungkook laughed, making Namjoon smile at the memory. You had always got along so well with all the boys having known them for so many years. Namjoon had the biggest crush on you as soon as Jin had introduced you as his childhood friend. It was only a matter of months before you both started dating.

“I hope she finds it in her heart to forgive me this time too. I don’t know if I deserve it” Namjoon says, sadly.

“Of course she will! Just call her once we land and explain everything, I’m sure she will forgive you!” Jungkook said before returning back to his movie.

(X)

As soon as the boys had landed, Namjoon yearned for a moment alone so that he could finally call you. But just like this whole week had been going, he didn’t get what he had wished for. The crew started filming as soon as they all landed and by the time they got the bags and the car, he was chosen to drive.

And drive he did. For what seemed like hours, Namjoon drove and drove. Only by the end of the first night did he find a moment to himself, when he didn’t have a mic or a camera filming.

He waiting eagerly as the phone rang, rehearsing his speech in his head. He would apologize profusely and explain his week to you and how he genuinely meant nothing he said. How foolish was he to even insinuate you find someone else when he was so head over heels in love with you. Such a beautiful and intelligent being, and more importantly understanding. The more he replayed the words he said to you in his head, the more he berated himself for spewing complete nonsense. You had been nothing but understanding of him and yet he threw that right back in your face.

He frowned as the the call went to voicemail. Should he leave a voicemail? would that do his apology any justice? He turned off the phone and called again, hoping you would answer this time.

Except you didn’t answer. You didn’t answer the next three times he called either. He sighed, realizing you were probably more mad than he had hoped. He decided to send you a text, hoping you’d read his text and decide to answer the next time he called.

Namjoon: Baby, I’m so so so sorry. I’m such an asshole, you definitely didn’t deserve anything I said last night. I promise you, I never meant any of it. I had a really rough week and I took it out on you. Please talk to me, hmm? I know you’re mad, but please let’s talk?

He waited eagerly for you to respond, but once again exhaustion took over and he passed out in the bunk bed to the sound of his brothers all sleeping too.

When he opened his eyes again, light was peeking in through the curtains. He felt disoriented, not really understanding where he was for a second. It took another few seconds before he realized he was in New Zealand, and only then, did he remember to check his phone.

He searched for his phone in the tiny bed. He sat up quickly, forgetting he was in the bottom bunk and hitting his head on the top bunk. He groaned in pain, rubbing at his head while still trying to find his phone.

He forgot to charge it so of course, the phone was completely dead when he found it. He quickly put it on charge and when the phone finally turned on, he quickly unlocked it, only to find no new texts from you.

He frowned. Maybe his phone wasn’t working? That couldn’t be true since he had received plenty of other texts from others. He sighed, sending you another text, and a sweet good morning for good measure.

Just like the previous day, the boys had a packed schedule. Between driving and filming and other activities, Namjoon barely had any time to check his phone. Any time he felt his phone vibrate within his pocket, his heart raced, hoping it was you who finally responded.

However, any time the boys had a break and he check his phone, there was no new notification from you. And for the rest of his trip, that is exactly what continued to happen. He didn’t hear from you.

On one day, while the other members decided to do various activities, he opted to spend some time alone, claiming to do some work. He spent the entire two hours he had alone trying to get in contact with you. Calling your work number, calling your phone multiple times, texting. He even tried calling a close friend of yours, who also didn’t answer.

What if you actually took his words to heart? What if you’d dump his stupid ass as soon as he was home and you’d find someone truly deserving of you. Someone who wouldn’t yell at you when you didn’t deserve it? His mind flashed with different scenes, all with you seemingly happy with another man, and he groaned in actual pain. Just imagining that engulfed his body in pain that he didn’t ever want that to happen.

At this point, after not hearing from you for almost two weeks, he just need to make sure you were ok.

Namjoon: Baby please. I know you’re mad at me, but please, just let me know if you’re ok. That you’re safe.

And once again, no response.

(x)

The boys watched Namjoon as he eagerly packed his bags in a hurry the night before flying back to Seoul. While all the boys conversed about how amazing New Zealand was and how they wish they could stay a little longer, it was clear as day that their leader was itching to go back.

“Hyung, we get that you’re dying to see your girlfriend again, but you’re making feel more and more single every second!” Taehyung complained.

Namjoon didn’t respond as he continued to gather his things and pack. He didn’t care if he had things to do as soon as he got back, the only thing he needed was to go see you and make things right.

Jin followed Namjoon into his room, closing the door behind him, “What’s gotten into you? Why are you so anxious?” he asked, sitting down on the bed and watching as Namjoon continued to pack.

“I need to see Y/n” Namjoon said plainly. He didn’t want to confide in his hyung about this one thing, because he knew how close you both were. He didn’t want his hyung to be disappointed in him.

“Yeah, I can see that, but it’s worse than usual?” Jin said.

“I- I had a fight with Y/n before we left hyung” Namjoon said, finally slowing down and hoping Jin would drop it at that. Jin waited for him to continue though. “And... and I haven’t heard from her in two weeks” Namjoon sighed, realizing he couldn’t hide it from Jin.

“What?! She hasn’t called you at all since we got here?” Jin asked.

“No. And she won’t answer her phone or even respond to my text messages. I even called her friend, and she won’t answer either. I think I really fucked up. What if she breaks up with me over this?” Namjoon says, panicking.

“Ok no, it won’t come to that. Just tell me what happened, ok?” Jin said, trying to calm down Namjoon.

And so Namjoon explained everything to his hyung. The terrible week he had, the overwhelming stress and anger he felt, the way he exploded at you, and all the terrible things he said to you.

“Wow,, that was really loaded” Jin said, sadly. He knew just as well as Namjoon that you didn’t deserve any of that. “Now that I think about it, I sent her a few pictures while we were here and she never responded to that either” Jin finally realizes.

“Oh...” Namjoon said sadly. He didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing yet. Would it have been better if you were still willing to talk to the others and not him? Or had something happened to you?

“How about as soon as we land, you take another car, buy the biggest bouquet of flowers, and go over to her place. It should be after work hours. Spend the night, I’ll explain things to our manager, hmm?” Jin offers. Namjoon smiled slightly at the gesture.

“Thank you hyung” Namjoon said. “And I’m sorry” he said truthfully.

“I’m not the one who needs the apology, stupid. Just.. don’t hurt her again.. next time I’ll whoop your ass” Jin says, smiling as he heads to his own bed to sleep.

(x)

Just like Jin had suggested, Namjoon had taken a separate van from the boys and stopped at the local flower boutique to pick up some of your favorite flowers. He even got some of your favorite cake slices at the bakery near your house too for good measure. You might be able to deny him, but there was no way you could deny that lucious coffee cake you loved oh so much.

The sun was slowly setting when Namjoon had gotten to your apartment. He took a deep breath as he held the flowers and cake and one hand and finally pulled out his keys to your place. He swallowed loudly, before opening the door, bracing for what was to come. He’d let you yell at him and take out all your frustrations out on him, but you leaving him was not an option.

“Y/n, love?” Namjoon says, finally entering your apartment. The apartment was still lit from the natural light, but it looked like no one was home. He frowned. where is she?

He decided it was just best to wait for you. He needed to see you, talk to you, hold you after what felt like forever.

After waiting for over half an hour, he finally heard the keys enter the lock on the front door. He quickly stood, gathering the flowers in hand, and squinted his eyes when the lights turned on. He hadn’t even noticed it was now completely dark outside.

“y-” he began, but frowned when he only saw your friend, Yerin instead.

“Holy shit you scared me” she said jumping. Before Namjoon could answer, he looked down at the keys she was holding, and they were clearly yours. He knew that little bear keychain he had gotten you by heart now.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Why do you have Y/n’s keys?” Namjoon asks, placing the flowers back down on the coffee table.

“Nice of you to finally care about someone other than yourself” Yerin snarled. Yerin was always wary of your relationship with Namjoon. She knew it couldn’t be easy dating an idol, but she always admired your willingness to put 100% into the relationship. Namjoon knew that Yerin wasn’t very fond of him, but they always tried to be polite with one another.

Namjoon flinched at her words. So you had shared what had happened with her. “Where is Y/n? Please, I really need to see her. Is she ok?” Namjoon asked. He looked absolutely dejected at this point. It was evident in his eyes that he was incredibly worried about you and really needed to see you.

Yerin had a whole speech planned out for when she had to see him again. She was ready to rip into him, but even she couldn’t ignore the look in his eyes. And while she really hated Namjoon at this moment, she knew that he only felt genuine love for you. What relationship didn’t have ups and downs? And who was she to judge your relationship.

“Namjoon... her dad passed. The day you left for your little joy trip, her dad passed away. His surgery didn’t go well. She asked you to stay not because she felt the need to cuddle as you so slightly put it, she needed someone to lean on when her father was sick in the hospital. And you couldn’t even let her explain before you left, so no, she’s not ok. She passed out at work earlier this week because she went through the funeral basically alone. She didn’t eat, or sleep, let alone drink water. So she’s been in the hospital all week. The doctor said she could probably come home tomorrow so I’m only here to get a change of clothes for her” Yerin explained. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you this in case I saw you, but I think you deserve to feel at least a fraction of the pain she’s felt these past two weeks” Yerin finished before heading to your room to gather your clothes.

Namjoon just stood there in shock. Your father... had passed. And he hadn’t been there for you. He wasn’t there to help you through such a painful part of your life. You sat through his funeral, absolutely alone. You hadn’t found the energy to take care of yourself which resulted you being hospitalized. What kind of a sick boyfriend makes his love go through that all alone? The one who hadn’t thought of her.

“Which hospital?” Namjoon asked slowly as Yerin emerged again with a small bag. “Please, let me come with you” Namjoon pleaded, tearing up. “Please” he basically whispered.

“Fine. I swear to god though if you make her cry again I won’t hesitate to kick you out myself” Yerin threatened.

Namjoon followed her like a lost puppy, sadness filling his entire being as he got closer and closer to the hospital. What was he even supposed to say? He knew what your relationship was like with your father. You were so happy that he was now back in your life and he remembered how you cried when you found out about his sickness. He remembers assuring you that everything would work out, that your father would recover and you’d spend more time with him

Yerin parked her car in front of the hospital, telling him your room number and that she’d be up after parking her car a few minutes later. Even she knew that you both needed a minute or two alone.

Namjoon basically ran all the way to your room, asking any nurse he could find where your room was. As soon as he reached your door, he took another deep breath, before sliding the door open.

If he thought he felt sadness before, nothing compared to the pain and sadness he felt now that he saw the sight before him now. You laid in bed on your side, resting your head on your arm. You faced had thinned, dark circles under your eyes, and there was absolutely no life in your eyes. Your eyes met his for a few seconds, acknowledging that you noticed him, before your eyes returned to the wall.

Namjoon walked in, closing the door behind him. He gulped, walking slowly to your side. “Y/n...” he started, causing you to close your eyes.

“Y/n.. I’m so sorry” He starts. His voice trembled with each word, and he was pretty sure it was only a matter of seconds before the tears spilled from his eyes. He sat down on the chair next to your bed, and he reached for your hand. The tears finally spilled when your jerked your hand back with what little energy you had left.

“I’m so fucking sorry” Namjoon tried again. He was at a loss for words. No speech he rehearsed for could fit for this.

“I-” he started again.

“Leave me alone” You say, eyes still closed. You said it so quietly he wasn’t sure you had even said it, but when when the tears cascaded down your face even with your eyes closed, he knew you had.

“I can’t do that” Namjoon said. “I’m not leaving you now. Or ever. Not like this” Namjoon said firmly.

“Go, Namjoon” You commanded again.

“No”

“Don’t make me ask the nurses to get you to leave” You say, still not opening your eyes.

“I’m not leaving” Namjoon says again. No way in hell could he ever leave you like this.

Just then Yerin had came in as well. She had heard your request. “Namjoon, leave” she said firmly. “She doesn’t need this right now”

“I can’t! How- How can I? She’s not well and I- I can’t” Namjoon fumbled.

“Just GO” you said as loud as you could, causing Namjoon to flinch. You turned to your other side, signaling that this conversation was officially over and that he was no longer welcome here.

Yerin held the door open for him, urging him to leave. Namjoon plopped himself down on the chair outside your room, resting his head in his hands. How had things become this bad so fast? If he had only taken the time to listen to you that night, he could have been there for you! He could have taken care of you like deserved rather than leaving you alone when you need him the most.

Yerin stepped out of the room a few minutes later.

“Look, I have to go into court tomorrow morning to take over for Y/n’s case. I can’t take her home. So as much as it kills me to do this, I need to ask you to take her home once she’s discharged in the morning” she says, angrily. “Or I can call Jin?” she thinks out loud.

“NO. I’ll do it. I’ll do it.” Namjoon says, thankful for the opportunity. He wasn’t sure that when morning came, you’d let him take you home, but at least it was a start.

(x)

When the doctor noticed him sitting outside, Namjoon quickly explained that you were the last of her family and the doctor explained to him as simply as possible what went down the last week. You were extremely weak and had to take it easy for the next couple of weeks while you gained your strength back. No work, and you needed someone to take care of you as well. Namjoon cursed at himself internally as the doctor only confirmed how much pain you must have been in emotionally.

“People deal with loss differently, but this is an exceptionally grave way of dealing with it. Please take care of her” The doctor requested before leaving to check on other patients.

After singing all the paperwork and paying for the long hospital stay, Namjoon entered your room again. You stood by your bed now, and the shirt that used to fit you so well a few weeks ago hung loose on your shoulders. Was it possible to lose that much weight in two weeks? It looked like you had basically starved yourself.

Namjoon cringed internally.

As you placed the last of your things in the bag, you turned to face who you assumed was Yerin. You glared at Namjoon when your eyes landed on him.

“I thought I asked you to leave” you sighed, sitting back down on the bed.

“I’m taking you home” Namjoon said, ignoring your request.

“No, I think Yerin is” you say, pulling out your phone.

“No, she had to take your case to court today. I’m taking you. End of discussion” Namjoon said.

“No. I’ll take an uber or something” you mumbled, cursing at Yerin inside.

“Unfortunately, the doctor requires that a family or friend take you home and I’m the only one right now. So unless you want to stay here another day or so...” namjoon said as he walked over to grab your bag “I suggest you let me take you home” He said.

You glared at him again. While the stubborn part of you would have stayed here another night just to avoid the car ride home with him, you hated the hospital. Once the funeral was over, you had prayed to get out of there as soon as possible and yet you ended right back there a day or so later for yourself.

Namjoon led the way to his car and you got into the passenger seat, holding onto your bag tightly. You only looked out the window the entire car ride back. You didn’t say a single thing and Namjoon was too afraid to say anything.

When he parked his car outside your apartment complex, you quickly unbuckled your seatbelt and stepped out. You turned to face him for the first time “I can get inside perfectly fine” you say, implying Namjoon was not welcome inside your apartment.

“Let me take you inside, please Y/n” he pleads. He was supposed to be taking care of you, how could he do that when he wasn’t allowed in your place.

“I was stupid before. I can take care of myself without your help. You’ve taught me that once again, I can’t depend on anyone but myself. Goodbye Namjoon” you said, ending this conversation as you closed the door.

You couldn’t depend on anyone but yourself? Had he really let you believe that? He teared up again at the thought. Namjoon could only watch as you walked slowly back to your apartment. Your weakness was evident in the way you walked and he told himself that in a minute or so he’d follow just to make sure you made it inside ok. Before you walked into the building though, you had stopped and turned your head to the side. Someone had called out to you.

Namjoon follows your line of sight to see none other than Jin step out of his own car and rush over to you. Namjoon had called him the night before and explained everything to him. Jin was incredibly upset and mad that he hadn’t called sooner. He only said that he’d see you as soon as you got back home before hanging up on him.

Namjoon watched on as Jin runs up to you, and the both of you engaging in some conversation. Jin hugs you a moment later, and that was all it took for you to break down in sobs in his arms. Jin tries his best to calm you down before ushering you inside, but not before shooting Namjoon a look letting him know that he’d take care of you,

(x)

Namjoon trudged back into the dorm, with all eyes on him. “Hyung, what happened?” Jimin asked, running up to him. “Jin told us about Y/n and her father. We thought you’d be with her”

“I fucked up, Jimin. That’s what happened. I’m now the last person she wants to see. I said things to her before our trip that I didn’t even mean and now she can’t even be in the same room as me. The person she was supposed to depend on and trust? I’m no longer that person for her. And I don’t know what to do” says Namjoon before breaking down in sobs himself. Did he really just lose you?

Between worrying about your health and the fate or your relationship with him, Namjoon was absolutely terrified. Fortunately the boys didn’t have any schedules for the next few days because there was no way in hell that Namjoon could have stepped out the dorm without looking like a complete mess.

Could he call you? show up at your place again? Would you even let him inside, even if he had a key? He raked through his mind with any possibility of you letting him just talk to you but he couldn’t see it happening, and that just tore his heart apart even more.

(X)

You told yourself you’d do anything to avoid the hospital again, so you ate, even if all the food tasted like dirt. Even the cake that was in your fridge didn’t appeal to you. You drank water forcibly and tried to sleep at a normal time. Luckily, work had given you a few weeks off to recover and grieve, but part of you just needed some normaly again.

Your mind was overthinking everything. Not only had you lost your father suddenly, but you also felt like you lost Namjoon, even if it was you pushing him away this time.

You always though you had understood him and that he had appreciated you all the more because of it. So when he threw that right back in your face the one time you genuinely needed him by your side, it hurt like hell. You were also angry that you felt the need to depend on someone when your whole life taught you that that would eventually blow up in your face anyways. Your mom died when you were young and still growing. Your dad died when you finally let him in your life again. And Namjoon left when you didn’t even expect it.

You didn’t know what made you more sad- the fact that the last of your family was dead or that you felt like you were going to be alone for the rest of your life.

Jin had been over the last few days, bringing food and just sitting with you. He’d play movies or watch some tv with you while you just sat. He’d let you cry, or force feed you some food, but you were glad you weren’t alone at the moment.

One night though, he finally decided enough was enough. Even he could tell that what he wasn’t doing enough. You were missing a certain someone and it was evident, even if you’d never admit it yourself.

“Y/n, we need to talk” Jin began.

“I’ve been eating all the food you leave me, I swear” you say.

“No not about that. But good, I’m glad. I actually need to talk to you about Namjoon” and he could feel you still next to him on the couch. “You need him, sweet girl” he said slowly.

“No I don’t” you say, irritated.

“Yes you do. And more importantly, he really needs you as well. You should see him at the dorm. While you’ve been here slowly recovering, he’s going in the opposite direction. He hasn’t been sleeping well or eating” he says.

You frown when you hear that. You hadn’t wished that for him.

“He’s so incredibly sorry, Y/n. He had such a bad week when he blew up on you. Of course, that doesn’t compare to your pain in any way, but you should have seen him the entire trip. He was itching to be back in Seoul and see you. He felt so bad. He called you and texted you so many times, and you were all he could think about. I’m not saying you have to forgive him right away, but just talk hmm? You both need it” he coaxes you.

You contemplate it. Despite what you told yourself, you really did miss him. You could understand the week he had after Jin explained it to you. And despite the fear of depending on someone again, you knew you needed him.

“I’ll... I’ll call him later” You say. “ You should go home, Jin. Thank you for the last few days” you say, smiling for the first time since you got home.

“Promise?” he asks.

“I promise”

(X)

Namjoon laid in bed, just staring at the ceiling, a seemingly favorite pastime of his recently. He heard his phone ring next to him and he lazily answered it, not even bothering to see who it was.

“Hello?” he asked, slowly.

“Namjoon” he heard, and that was all it took for him to jump right out of bed.

“Y/n” he says. “It’s you” he says, as if he had to confirm the fact out loud for it to be true. He could hear you sigh over the line.

“Do you.. do you think you can come over?” you asked after a moment.

“I’m leaving right now, love” he said, darting out of the room. Jin watches on with a small smile.

“I have a feeling he won’t be back for a few days, guys” Jin says to the other guys who watched with a confused look.

(X)

Namjoon ran all the way up to your floor, despite it being three floors up. He wasn’t really sure why you had called, perhaps it was even to end the relationship once and for all, but he didn’t care. You had asked to see him, and that’s all that mattered.

He didn’t want to just barge in on you, so he knocked on the door and a few moments later, you opened the door, staring at him with doe eyes. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees some life in your eyes again.

“Come in” you say timidly.

He steps in and takes his shoes off, and he just stares at you. Both of you are unsure what to do, this is new territory.

“Y/n, love, I’m so so-” he starts

“Don’t. Please just... I don’t want to talk about that” you say, interrupting him.

Namjoon stares at you again. Was this going to be the end? He feels his heart drop.

He watches as you visibly swallow. “Can you just... can you please just hold me?” you say, quietly, and finally looking up at his eyes.

Namjoon eyes widen in surprise a little, but he wrapped his arms around your small frame almost instantly. He could never deny you of anything. “I missed you so much” he says into your hair before placing a small kiss on your head.

It was only then that you also returned the gesture and wrapped your hands around your boyfriend’s bigger frame. He felt you slowly cry into his shirt as it got wet from your tears.

“I love you so much baby, I’m not leaving you ever” he said, holding onto you tighter.

He lifts you into his arms before walking the both of you to your dark bedroom. He didn’t even need to turn on the light, he knew that room like the back of his hand. He placed you slowly down on the bed before getting in with you and holding you while you wrapped your legs around his.

It was such a weird feeling that took over the both of you in that instant. While the both of you were still quite sad about the previous weeks’ events, the both of you were also slowly starting to fill with happiness because of the unsaid truth that you both would be ok. You’d make it through this, despite the words exchanged. You’d both lean on each other and love each other unconditionally, despite the bumps along the way, but you’d be together nonetheless. And that was all the both of you needed as you fell asleep in each others arms.

A/n: I hope you guys liked this. I’d appreciate the feedback! Would you like to see more oneshots?

#bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts oneshot #kim namjoon #namjoon angst #rm angst #rm oneshot #namjoon oneshot #namjoon scenario #namjoon fanfic #bts #bangtan #kpop angst #kpop fluff #kpop fanfic #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfiction

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writingbakery · 4 years

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⤿𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐤𝐲𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬

chapter i ➳ a murder in the dining carriage; the tokyo express is comfortable, quiet, & meant to be superior travel. murder, however, is neither comfortable or quiet, and the circumstances are less than ideal.

dessert pairing; multiple characters x investigative journalist! gn reader

a/n; here we go ! remember to read carefully — clues are hidden everywhere ! — & keep an eye out for the poll at the end of the chapter !

calm.

the train compartment is quiet, calm as you slowly pull away from the station. you’ve been blessed with your own room, an odd number of passengers in this particular compartment — 11, including yourself. you haven’t seen them yet, too focused on organizing your belongings to venture into the other carriages. you’d be on this voyage for six days, you had more than enough time to get acquainted with them.

your room is closest to the back of the compartment, as you’d requested; quieter, less distracting. there was little chance of someone stumbling past your door, isolated from the other double rooms. you were here on business after all, not pleasure; you needed peace & quiet.

investigative journalism required focus, a keen eye for detail that you’d had since childhood. essentially, you were a detective without the restrictions of the law — and without its protections — & with an obligation to find the truth. the public deserved nothing less, & your determination had brought you fast promotions & faster assignments.

you were currently on your way to Sendai, on the trail of a particularly exciting museum theft — your press had paid for this excursion, so you were sitting comfortably in first class, the premium compartment at the back of the train. the rooms were at the very end, then the washrooms, then the dining & lounge carriages right before the coatroom. everything was a little gaudy for your liking, red velvet drapes and gold fixtures, but you couldn’t deny its comforts.

a rustling just outside your door made you pause; setting aside your notepads, you slid open the door a crack to peer into the sunlit hall. there’s a man & woman arguing a foot or two away from your room, clearly frustrated; the woman jabs a finger into the man’s chest with enough force to shove him back against the wall before storming off towards the dining carriage, and you slowly slide the door closed once more to avoid detection. how odd.

you settled into the dining carriage at half six; only a few of your seatmates had done the same. you counted four, all looking rather serious; you do your best not to stare & enjoy the pasta on your plate.

slowly, the carriage fills up; a heavily tattooed man in a button down and ripped jeans sits to your left, wholly out of place in the elaborate room. two businessmen follow after, both in expensive suits; one seems almost angry, scowling into his chicken as the other talks animatedly about stocks and prices. the arguing couple from earlier slip in silently, having seemingly resolved their previous spat; they hold hands, but the fondness of the act doesn’t reach their eyes.

the rest of your seatmates were there when you arrived, & you could only recognize one; ushijima wakatoshi, a well renowned national volleyball player. he’s joined by the couple, & says nothing as he eats. interesting, you think to yourself, & continue with your pasta. another pair of gentlemen are off to your right, quietly discussing nothing at all, & you can tell by their faces the conversation is forced. one is tall, with a mess of black hair over one eye; the other is shorter, a grown out blonde with a permanent disinterested expression.

the last seatmate is seated directly behind you: a slightly disheveled & exhausted looking man in a loose fitting suit. you only know he’s there by his extensive sighing, peppered by the scratching of his pen against paper. there’s a badge on his hip, & a gun concealed under his arm — law enforcement of some kind, probably a detective. you try to drown out his sighs with your paperwork as you eat.

after dinner, you move to the lounge carriage, not quite ready to retire to your quarters. socializing was important for the mind, & you were more than a little curious about your seatmates. [& perhaps you were a little starstruck over ushijima — who could blame you?]

sitting against one of the plush, dark velvet couches, you flick through a simple mystery novel as you observe your surroundings; both the businessmen are here, arguing over the best way to cook a roast duck, as well as the two serious young men. ushijima has sadly returned to his quarters, & so you busy yourself with the hushed argument taking place off to your right. you can’t fully hear them, but the taller man is clearly upset, & you just barely catch the words “abandoning me” & “petty gossip” before he storms out. the two businessmen silently watch the exchange, clearly invested, & you take a mental note. odd, that strangers should be so saddened by someone else’s argument.

all the excitement is more than enough for one evening, & you make to gather your things & retire for the night. you’re stopped, however, by a heavily tattoed hand covering the front of your book; it’s the man from earlier, the one who seemed just a hint out of place.

“ah, leaving so soon ? i was hoping to finally get a chance to speak to the mysterious cutie with the room next to mine,” he smiles, & up close you can see his tongue is pierced, & his messy blonde locks are covering a sleek undercut. you can’t help your little snort, a half-amused smile on your lips as you reply. “does that work on everyone you flirt with, or only the truly desperate?” you ask, & he mocks a hiss as he sits across from you.

“oh my poor heart, that stings. and here i thought you were nice,” he pouts, & you actually laugh; he perks up almost instantly. “now that’s a lovely laugh, i like it. i’m yuuji, yuuji terushima.”

“[y/n] [l/n], at your service,” you counter, deciding to humor the man in front of you; what more could you do, really ? he moves to speak, a charming glint to his eye that you can only assume comes from another attempt at flirting when a shadow looms over you both, & his face hardens immediately. it’s the sighing detective who sat behind you at dinner, looking displeased.

“is he bothering you?” he asks, hands coming to rest on the table, & yuuji swiftly stands despite your reassurances that you were just fine.

“sorry to cut this short, sweetheart, but detective hardass here has a raging boner for me, & i’d rather not spend the evening in his company,” he says curtly, taking a moment to savor the reddening anger rising on the other man’s face before making his exit towards the coatroom.

with the distractingly charming man now gone, you turn your attentions on your “savior” detective, who’s looking much more sheepish than the imposing figure of just a moment ago. “i apologize for intruding, i’m certain you can handle yourself. it’s him i’m not very fond of.” you smile a little, leaning back into the sofa as you eye the exhausted man.

“i can tell theres no love lost between the pair of you. care to tell me why, detective...?” he’s quick to flush again, sitting in the now vacant seat across from you.

“detective daichi sawamura, of the tokyo police department. & so you know, i do not have a “boner” for him. i arrested him for grand larceny & fraud; he’s a well known con man.” you raise your eyebrows in surprise, but a part of you knew yuuji seemed just a little.... greasy. “well, thank you for protecting my wallet,” you joke, gathering your things.

“i’ll leave you to it then, detective. have a good night,”you call over your shoulder as you disappear into the corridor; you’d had just about enough of socializing for the evening.

upon returning to your room however, you find another dilemma; the lock to your doors been tampered with, & it’s nearly impossible to open without scraping against the frame. a call to the front carriage only brings more bad news — maintenance won’t be available till morning, & you resign yourself to a night trapped inside your room. at least no one would be able to get in.

there’s hurried footsteps outside your door suddenly, & harsh voices; you pause, before it grows quiet again. faintly, you think you hear the telltale sounds of vomiting, but it’s soon silent, & you brush it off as your exhaustion creeping up on you. you’re fairly certain you look like detective daichi, & you shake your head to clear it.

you turn out your lights & curl up in bed, wholly unprepared for what the morning would bring.

you’re awoken by a blood curdling scream, just as the sun creeps over the horizon.

the sound shocks you awake so clearly you’re certain you dreamed it for a moment, before a symphony of shouts and panic stream out from the hall. scrambling to find your bed slippers, you stumble towards the commotion in your silk pajamas, pausing at the entrance to the dining carriage.

gone is the smell of pine and mint, replaced with the heady scent of alcohol and blood. face down on the carpet is the black haired man who’d been arguing in the lounge the night before, blood staining the back of his white dress shirt — he’s clearly dead, and the pool of blood beneath him only solidifies that fact. your seatmates are scattered amidst the room; some behind you, following you into the chaos, some perched on the sofas in distress. detective daichi keeps everyone at bay; “this is a crime scene now. please, don’t touch anything,” he orders, still wearing his rumpled suit from the night before.

slowly, carefully, the train staff begin ushering everyone out of the room, leaving you & daichi alone with the body. “his name is kuroo tetsuro. travelled alone, met an old friend on the train, kenma i think he said his name was,” he informs you, & you nod slowly. “i think i saw them together at dinner last night. what a horrible way to start a journey.”

daichi turns to you carefully, weighing his next words. “we’ll arrive in Sendai in six days. between you & i, their police force is .... well. they try their best, but this case will go cold faster than we can blink.” you follow along with his subtext, shifting in your fuzzy slippers as he speaks.

“you want my help,” you clarify, and he nods. “well, i’ll be happy to give it. but trust, everyone is a suspect— even yourself, detective.”

“i’ll say the same to you. for now, we should examine the scene, question everyone while it’s still fresh. we’ve got oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime, kenma kozume, tanaka ryunosuke & tanaka kiyoko, ushijima wakatoshi, & yuuji teshurima. i say we start with yuuji. he’s a shifty one, & no one saw him return to his room last night,” he decides, but you’re quick to counter.

“don’t you think that’s your prejudices talking? i’d say we should start with his old friend — he was the last to see him alive last night in the lounge,” you say, & daichi frowns.

“i don’t agree. i’m fairly certain yuuji may have run into kuroo last night, after the incident in the lounge.”

what will you choose ?

question yuuji ?

question kenma ?

vote here.

#haikyuu x reader #daichi x reader #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu fic #haikyuu imagines #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #kuroo x reader #ushijima x y/n #yuuji x reader #tanaka x reader #kiyoko x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #murder on the tokyo express series #evywrites

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bigwriterenergy · 4 years

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would i be enough? pt 1

hello! this is my first piece and i was just simply too excited to wait to finish the blog! requests are closed for now, but will be up soon! thank you very much for reading!!

jonathan joestar has finally worked up the nerve to ask your parents if he can begin courting you! this is the first dinner after such a request

warnings ??? none! just sweetness. 1.8k words!

The dull candlelight that mated with the silence of the dining room seemed near suffocating for the both of you. The grand space seemed hauntingly empty, despite the beautiful paintings that framed the walls and decoration that was the obvious craft of a hired professional. Jonathan could feel his jaw clench at the obvious tension in the room.

The two of you were sharing your first dinner as romantic interests. Were you unnerved by the idea? Not .. Not exactly. And although the two of you had known each other since childhood; the innocence merely wasn't there anymore.

How could it be? But there was no blame resting on anyone's shoulders.

The sound of soft metallic grinding of a fork against a plate or the clearing of the large man's throat that sat across from you hardly reminded you where you were. You couldn't help but allow your mind to wander, your soft pink lips taut as slender fingers gripped the fork and knife gently. The Joestar estate always seemed so full of life, whether that be from Jonathan and Dio's bickering or the maids that would busy themselves with keeping the mansion in immaculate condition. The soft scrape of your fork was the only sign of life you displayed. You couldn't exactly bring yourself to peer at your new beloved. You couldn't exactly pin it as sheepishness. Though, that most certainly was an element in your deafening silence.

Jonathan noticed your eyes beginning to wander, that pretty, little mind of yours filling with thoughts you never truly spoke aloud. His deep-set brows furrowed more inward; concern blatantly coloring his handsome features. Only recently had he came to terms with his longing and decided to court you. While Dio remained in England to practice law, you became a proper lady, and he .. well, he dug around in filthy, grungy dirt. The negative thought made him click his tongue. He thought his job was fairly important! To research history hidden beneath Earth and love every moment of it was a wondrous thing! He was only glad to get to make a job of what he loved. But .. that meant many years away from the only girl he was certain he loved. And when he returned .. you were not the same as he left you.

The two had been childhood friends; ones that would laugh and climb trees and joke about nothing in particular. Your tomboyish nature as a child never bothered Jonathan, even when Dio playfully would interject that "he'd make a fine woman out of (y/n)!" Jonathan would easily begin a tussle over such simple words, daring to fight for his lady's honor. Now, it was Jonathan's turn to daydream. The obvious difference was that his eyes never peeled from the beauty that rested before him.

Of course, his voyage to become educated and to research led him to be gone for days. Days turned to weeks, that to months, and that to years. While your beautiful, child-like fire was slowly being contained to resemble a nobleman's daughter, snuffed like some simple fire. His heart yearned for you to feel the freedom and tranquility you used to feel with him near, but he wasn't the same hooligan he was all those years ago. Not that he hated the time he spent with you now. Not at all! But the quietness and subtle sadness that shrouded your figure in unmistakable darkness was a pain he hated to witness.

Shamefully, when Jonathan Joestar returned to back to the Joestar estate, so did his usual habits return: thinking of you every waking hour, thinking of you when he rose and slept and ate and laughed. And although you accepted with feigned politeness when he approached you and your family as a suitor, no longer bearing the time apart, he could only doubt himself and his ability to show that you how much you truly deserved. His large, calloused hands clenched around the fork at his foolish insecurities .. but he wondered. Did you truly wish for him by your side? Or were you just .. following what your parents expected you to do when a wealthy man approached you?

" .. Jonathan,"

Could you come to love him as he did you?

"Jonathan!"

A man who swore he was not fitting for your beauty?

"Huh?"

Wide-eyed, his mind was focused back on your expression. The dullness that usually coated your features cracked, displaying a muted concern. It appeared you had your own thoughts. Had you attempted to put on a brave face for him? There was something still so genuine. You almost cracked a smile at the appearance of Jonathan; his doe-eyed, surprised expression allowed for the light to finally reflect off your (e/c) eyes, demonstrating the child-like delight you possessed many years ago. Immediately, he was flustered. Your grace bringing him to near shambles. "Ah! .. (y/n) I .. er-- I apologize." You could see his muscular arms flex underneath the thin button-up, seemingly tightened by the vest that covered his torso, as he gripped his utensil. "You must be terribly bored. I'm not making the best dinner guest." Second-guessing poured from him. Yet, he seemed to accept the outcome and take responsibility for the tension. ".. Again, my apologies. I'm just not very talkative tonight." His voice then softened and deepened, containing a sort of reflective tone. He often used this voice when recalling where he misplaced things or when he tried to recall which Encylopedia he demanded. "I just have a lot on my mind ..." A beat or two passed, with you staring at the man with your questioning eyes, now, containing slight puzzlement.

"Oh! .. Haah .. I meant --"

His hands shot up when he realized his outburst, discarding of the fork and knife. A look of bashfulness contorted his dashing visage. Was that a hint of rogue splattered across his sharp cheeks? "Not that it pertains to you! I mean .. yes .. often you are on my mind! -- WELL, NOT .. I mean .. Ahh .." Defeated, his shoulders slumped, effectively pulling a sigh from his lips. "Apologies again." He murmured, but you allowed a soft noise to finally escape. Laughter? Bubbly and sweet like champagne, but soft and compassionate like a mother's kiss. The empty room seemed to spring with vivid color, painting the seemingly bland environment with life and wonder. Jonathan could feel the twitch of his plump lips at the sound. A nervous round of chuckles seemed to erupt, his brawny fingers went to card through his voluminous locks, a nervous tic he had since childhood. You, too, had been doing your own thinking in the silence of the meal.

"Jojo," you finally cooed, the happiness radiating off of him seemed almost infectious. You seemed to bring yourself to come around. The sound of his name leaving your gorgeous lips seemed to pull all of his attention. Eager, like a pup, his benign, round eyes took in the beauty before him. "Y-Yes?" He returned, the drying of his mouth evident by the cracked tone. Jonathan attempted to hide this by going to take a sip of his wine. Your fingers fiddled with the soft fabric of your dress, the same silence at the beginning of the dinner filling the room and your mind. It felt so empty .. yet .. Jonathan was there too. He always had been, you supposed. At this, you shook your head, deciding that this game of hesitance and obvious discomfort was not the way to behave. At least not at this lovely dinner.

"Jonathan." You stated his naming again yet with more purpose. You supposed he filled you with such. This man wasn't one who desired you for a trophy wife or to bear his children. While that may be a goal, that would be something the two of you would attempt to conquer .. together. It finally made sense. Through one stupid interaction revealing his child-like ways, you realized: this man sitting before you .. was the boy all that long ago.

" .. Yes .. ?" He questioned again, his voice attempted to match yours. The gulping of wine filled the beats of silence. He finished with a curt breath. He was attempting to fix his somewhat nervous behavior with an, especially calm one. Although his eyes met you, Jonathan felt as though he was staring back into the one woman who could make him come undone. And that was certainly true. Another hand went through his hair.

A smile tugged your lips, now lingering and providing evidence that it meant to stay. You parted your mouth, but no sound came forth. Jonathan lingered on every twitch of your features. You closed once more before a soft phrase finally escaped. "Thank you." You managed, the warmth enveloping your tone in a near heavenly tone. Jonathan shuddered. You already had him wrapped around your finger. Perhaps you knew it. But you also knew that the man sitting across from you would provide you with nothing but unconditional love.

The grandfather clock finally seemed to tick, the old house finally seemed the shift with the wind, everything seemed back right in the Joestar estate with your guard not so strong and high. He took a risk. The stretch of his arm to yours was not timid, no, but cautionary. An easily fixable mistake if you deemed the moment not right. But you maintained your position. And Jonathan allowed that to be his confirmation.

Bashfulness. Childhood love. And a bit of ignorance to it all. All the things he and you longed to say, but never found the strength to. It was conveyed through a simple touch of fingers; the marriage of his hand, rough and torn from his occupation, and your own, supple and soft from years of trained properness. You took in the sight. You recalled a time when your hands were of the same size. The thought made you hum warmly, the sound resonating snuggly against your swelling chest. That's when you finally willed yourself to return your eyes back to the gentleman and his own expression was melted with that of pure love. Longing and sweet, easing at the thought of your touch. Doting circles would begin to rub into the back of your yielding hand. Reminding you that, although this was the boy you grew with, he was a man. The nervous boy, who would stammer at your teasing, was no more. Well .. He still would flush when you provided him with love, but he was now ready to love you as he thought you deserved.

Jonathan decided to be the one to break the silence. His gratitude was genuine. "No, my lady. Thank you." His voice was similar to that of honey, each syllable dripping with unmistakable infatuation and desire.

'Was a declaration of love too much, too soon?' Jonathan wondered as he continued to stroke your hand.

#[ heehee the next one wont be so sfw i promise ]#[ but yes! here is my first thread! ]#[ please be paying attention the next few days to see when my requests open! ]#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jonathan joestar #part 1 jojo #jonathan joestar x reader #jonathan joestar/reader #jjba x reader #sfw

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sestra-inestro · 5 years

Text

The Carry On - (1/5)

Pairings: mob!bucky x fem!reader

A/N: This is the series that is inspired by the oneshot I wrote like two weeks ago. This took me forever and is gonna be the long, crappy, filler part of the series but the rest with be much better and I wrote part two first because I’m a doof. I’ve also been in a film noir, gangster/Tarantino mood so als inspired by them. Alrighty enjoy!

Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of smut, no actual smut because I’m a TEASE, mentions of torture and violence.

The Carry On - mini series part one.

You sighed as you picked at the sleeve of your shirt. Waiting for Bucky was taking forever and he was already late. You were supposed to be picking out the invitations to your wedding today, before you met him for dinner. You had done most of the planning yourself considering his demanding work arrangements, which wasn’t his fault entirely. But being one of the city’s biggest Mob Bosses, half of the blame lands on him because he causes half the trouble. This was supposed to be one of the few things you’d choose together.

Looking at your phone again, you sigh before getting up.

“Leaving?” The woman at the counter asks. She’s been watching you wait for your fiancé for the last 40 minutes.

“Yep.” You approach the counter and look down at the many examples she had laid out before. Your eyes scanned over them before pointing to a grey background with white patterns in the corners. “That one.”

She nodded her head before collecting the rest of the examples. “We will have ready as soon as we can, Ms June.”

You huffed before turning to the door. “Take your time.” You called back before leaving the store.

Sam, who was assigned to be by your side whenever you went out, noticed you leave and pushed off the wall he was leaning on and ran after you.

“June!” He called out, catching up to you. “You’re leaving already?”

“Yep.” You said without care.

“But Bucky said he’d leave soon.” Sam raised his eyebrow, looking at his phone.

“Then you can tell him I’m going home now and I’ll meet him at dinner.” You informed him. “Or I can tell him myself. I’m done waiting.”

“No I’ll tell him.” Sam assures you before typing away at his phone.

You continued to walk down the small street of stores to the car as Sam received a message back from Bucky.

“He’s not happy.” Sam told you.

“I’ll deal with him.” You said before you reached the car.

Sam moves in front of you to open the door for you.

“Whatever you say, boss.” Sam smirked at you as you stepped into the car. As Sam shut the door and walked around to the drivers seat, your phone pinged with a message from Bucky.

B: Sorry baby doll

You rolled your eyes, sighed and shoved your phone in your bag. This has happened many times already, someone had him caught up at the office or the warehouse. You didn’t mind him working, you just wished he’d stop making promises he couldn’t keep.

Bucky stared at the message he sent, hoping you’d reply. He knows he messed up by missing another part of the wedding planning. Really he didn’t care if he had a say in the wedding planning at all. He wanted to see what you created, see you happy with things you liked surrounding you, in the prettiest dress you picked. He didn’t care if you even had a wedding at all, all he wanted was you to be his wife.

He proposed fairly early into your relationship, because he immediately knew that you were the one. You turned a blind eye to his malicious work ways and his alliances, the amount of men that come and go through the house. You’d said you always loved some company, even with just the house staff. You felt safer knowing you weren’t alone.

He also loved the way you shuddered underneath him and the way you circled your hips on top of him when he brought you release again and again.

A pained groan brought Bucky out of his mind.

“C’mon, Zemo.” Bucky sighed in frustration and shoved his phone in his pant pocket and turned to the man tied up in the chair. “Haven’t we gone at this long enough? I have a date with my future wife.”

Zemo huffed, his head that hung low bounced as he coughed out the blood that had pooled in his mouth from the punches Steve had landed in his face. Steve stood behind him wiping the blood from his knuckles.

“The days are long.” Zemo croaked out. “How many punches you got in you?”

Steve threw down the paper towel and gripped Zemo’s hair, yanking his head back by his scalp. “How many do you think you can take?” He growled in Zemo’s face.

“As many as you can give.” Zemo spat, some blood landing in Steve’s face.

Steve flinched and closed his eyes. Bucky watched as Steve slowly stood and wiped a hand down his face. Steve moves to punch Zemo in the face again but Bucky grabbed his arms.

“Woah, there buddy.” He pulled the handkerchief out of his breast pocket and handed it to Steve. “Take a break.”

Steve scoffed, snatching the handkerchief from Bucky and walking away.

“Now you’ve pissed my friend off.” Bucky leaned down to look Zemo in the eye. “Which is why I’m giving you one more chance.” Bucky raised a finger. “Now I’m not gonna pluck out any of you teeth or anything because we’ve been here way too long now. You just need to tell me the names of the people who robbed my cartel tell last week, or you stay here to sleep in the cold winters night of this nice, lovely, metal scaffolding warehouse of mine, where you’ll probably freeze to death.”

Zemo glared at Bucky’s face. His mouth clamped shut.

To his silence, Bucky clicked his tongue and shook his head. Turning on the balls of his feet, he gestured to Steve that they were done.

“Sleep tight, Zemo.” Bucky said carefree as he waltz towards the door. “Oh. And feel free to scream for help. Nobody can hear you.” Bucky winked at the tied man before stepped out and sliding the massive door shut.

Steve stood next to him and locked the warehouse door.

“That bastard.” Steve muttered.

“You know, maybe you should stick to be the good guy, bad guy Steve kinda scares me.” Bucky said to his best friend as they walked towards their cars.

“Yep, you go back to being bad guy.” Steve loosens his tie and wipes a hand over his face. “They all just spit on me.”

As they approached the cars, some of their men stepped out with guns and full uniform.

“I knew you were never gonna let him sit here by himself.” Steve chuckled as he watch Bucky’s men take point around the left side of the warehouse.

“Fuck no.” Bucky huffed, crossing his arms and he watched Steves men take point of the right side of the warehouse. “I’ll also knew you would never, either.”

Steve nodded, and smirked. He also crossed his arms and watched. “I also have men in the grass around this area.”

“Nice.” Bucky tapped him on the shoulder.

They had been best friends since childhood and nothing stopped them from becoming the kings of the city’s together. Their own businesses, own men and a shared alliance with Tony Stark, Thor Odinson and his half brother Loki who he shares a business with and T’Challa. They keep the peace with each other and work together with the others to try to keep business between them private. But recently, all five businesses men have had their cartel movements infiltrated and had finally caught one of the men involved with it. They also have suspect that an old partner of Tony’s, Brock Rumlow is involved too but they haven’t been able to catch him.

Bucky sighed before checking his watch. “Shit.” He hisses. “I have to get ready to pick up my lady.” Bucky stated as he walked around the car.

Steve rolled his eyes at the mention of you.

“Oh yeah, can’t forget about her.” He said dryly.

“Oh stop. I didn’t pick on you when you married Peggy.” Bucky eyed his friend.

“Yeah, because we had known Peggy for years.” Steve defended his wife.

“And you love her, right?” Bucky asked opening his car door.

Steve have him a ‘duh’ look.

“Well I’m in love with June, Stevie. I can’t help it.” Bucky said, sitting in the driver seat and turning on the engine, rolling down the windows to see Steve bending down to look at him with his brow raised.

“You barely know her.” Steve said with a dull tone.

“I’ve actually gotten to know her very. Inside and out.” Bucky winked at Steve.

Steve groaned in disgust. “Get out of here you maniac.”

“Bon voyage, my friend.” Bucky waved before driving off.

You had just finished putting on your dress, with the help of Rita, Bucky’s longtime General housemaid. After you shimmied into a body suit to tighten your body under your dress, she helped you climb into a classy form fitting black dress and fix up your make-up.

When you finished getting all your stuff together, Rita informed you that Bucky was here.

You trudged your way out of the bedroom and stopped at the top of the stairs, seeing Bucky looking up at you from the living room with wild flowers in his hand. You, still vaguely annoyed at him, gave him a look with a hand on your hip.

Bucky smiled sheepishly. “You’re beautiful.”

“Uh huh.” You responded.

“I’m a lucky man.” He tried again.

“I’m sure.”

Bucky sighed at your short answers to him.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Bucky looked up at you with puppy eyes. “I really wanted to be there but I got caught up. We got closer to the people who have been stealing our shit and this guy just would not give up and...” He trailed off as you have him an unimpressed look.

“Babe, it was just the invitations.” He tried to reason. “I can help you pick out the cake?”

“I did that last week.” You said, finally giving it to him. “And it’s not about the invitations Buck, it’s the fact that you promised me that you would be there. That maybe this was something that we could do together besides actually getting married. Or will I have to do that by myself too?”

“Of course not, baby doll.” Bucky’s eyes were now sad. He didn’t realise how much you wanted his input on this wedding.

As you saw his eyes, you felt a little pang if guilt in your chest. He does work hard to keep you safe in the house and he does pay for everything. He doesn’t treat you bad or insult you. And when he is home, you’re like his goddess.

You huffed before stomping down the steps towards him. He watched as the annoyed scowl on your face twisted into one of confliction. You walked up to him and looked him in his gorgeous baby blue eyes.

He offered you the wild flowers, giving you the biggest set of puppy eyes you’ve ever seen.

“I don’t want to be a brat.” You said, taking the flowers.

“You’re not babe. You’re right.” He rubbed your arms. “I keep making promises I can’t keep. I knew I wasn’t going to make it.”

“Sam said you were gonna be pissed when I left.” You looked at your feet.

“Yeah at myself.” He put a finger under your chin and gently lifted your face to look at him. “I’m sorry baby.”

He pouted before leaning in slowly and capturing your lips in a gentle kiss.

“I’m still annoyed.” You said after pulling away. “No matter how guilty I feel, I can still be annoyed at you.” You pointed at him with the flowers before moving to the kitchen to put the flowers in water.

Bucky smirked as he watched you. “That’s why I brought you something else.”

You pushed open the kitchen door to see a little, grey Staffordshire Bull Terrier puppy sitting patiently on the floor, it’s tail wagging at the sight of a human.

You froze and gasped. The little puppy dropped its head and shuffled its way towards your feet.

Carefully you bent down and the puppy crawled into your hands and you lifted it to your chest. You turned back to Bucky who had a hopeful smile on his face.

“Oh my gosh.” You said with wife eyes and the puppy nuzzled under your chin.

“Do you like him?” Bucky asked with his hands behind his back.

“I love him.” You kissed the puppy on the head, earning little licks in return.

“I thought he would ease your your hostility against me for a little while.” Bucky joked and you frowned at him.

“You can’t buy me a puppy every time you annoy me.” You said and scratched the puppy behind the ear.

“Of course not.” Bucky chuckled. “We’d have a full house.”

You smooched the puppy as Bucky stepped forward.

“Am I forgiven?” He gives you the puppy eyes again.

“Hmm.” You pretend to think. “Sure.” You give him a smile.

Bucky’s face brightens and he leans forward to capture your lips again.

After finally trusting Rita to look after the puppy and separating you from him, Bucky drove you to a quiet area of town and led you to an empty restaurant.

You frowned as you got out of the car. “This is dinner?”

“Yep.” Bucky smiled brightly.

The restaurant looked extremely fancy, and even with your dress and heels, you felt under-dressed.

“There’s no one in there.” You said, taking his arm as he offered it to you.

“I know. I booked the entire night to ourselves.” Bucky grasped your hand and kissed your fingers. “We have nothing but time.”

Bucky opened the door for you to reveal a dimly lit dining room, a massive fish tank lining the wall filled with different types of gold fish, and only one table with two chairs. Faux plants lined the walls and the windows to the restaurant, giving it a homey feel and the air was warm. But you still felt the tiniest bit intimidated.

As soon as you say down, waiters placed a covered dish in front of you, shocking you.

Bucky smirked at your face, confused by the silver cover of the plate.

“I ordered your favourite.” Bucky winked.

You scoffed. “I doubt this place does cheese burgers with extra cheese.” You laughed and placed a napkin on your lap.

Bucky winked again before taking off the cover and making you laugh. Seated on your plate was a neatly made In N Out burger and fries.

“I thought you’d appreciate this more than what this place normally makes.” Bucky’s eyes watched you as you smiled down at your food. “And I hope the Double Double counts as extra cheese.”

You looked at him ridiculously. “Um, no.” You held up a finger, ready to educate him. “It has two slices of cheese with two patties. It’s evened, not extra.”

“Alright, alright.” Bucky laughed and held his hands in surrender. “Enjoy your food.”

You pushed back the sleeves of your dress and your hair out of your face while muttering. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Bucky admired the way you visibly relaxed. He was going to take you to the formal dinner that Tony was hosting to discuss the recent events in business. But considering so much he has missed with you, he decided to take you somewhere where just you and him could enjoy yourselves.

You ate your food and enjoyed discussing some of the recent decisions you’d made about the wedding. He approved of every single decision.

“So,” You started after finishing off the burger and picking up a fry. “What’s new in the business?”

Bucky smiled at your interest.

“Well, we caught a guy that had been invading our private sales.” Bucky spoke in code, incase of any rats hanging around.

“You give them a good talking to?” You asked.

“Real good talking to.” Bucky wipes his mouth talking to you more. “We got some new information from Natasha. She just came back from her honeymoon.”

Natasha Romanoff was Tony’s own little mole that had been placed undercover as Natalie Rushman inside the gang of Hydra about a year before you met Bucky. She was feeding them as much information as she could while also playing the newest, youngest and most loveable wife of Alexander Pierce.

“Oh how nice.” You smiled. You’d met Natasha before and she was gorgeous.

“It might be another year before she can come back and work for us.”

“That’s good.” You say before munching on your last fry.

“God, I love you.” He mumbled under his breath. There was no way you could be real.

“What’s that baby?” You raised a brow as you heard him mumble.

“I said I can’t wait to marry you.” He told you, watching your eyes fill with love before you launched at him, attaching to his lips in a passionate attack.

3 months later, the wedding reception.

The reception was in full swing. You had a slightly non-traditional wedding. No one heard your vows except you and Bucky, then you joined your friends for the reception. You had finally met T’Challa and his right hand woman Okoye. As well as Steve’s wife Peggy and Tony’s wife Pepper. A bunch of your family had turned up and some friends. Once you and Bucky had your first dance, you changed into something much more moveable so you could enjoy the wedding comfortably.

You were browsing through the snack table when a voice boomed behind you.

“Mrs Barnes.” The deep voice said.

You turned to see a handsomely long blonde man with blue eyes, smiling bright at you with his hand out to you.

You reached and accepted it.

“Thor Odinson.” He introduces himself.

Your face lit up in realisation. “Oh, Mr Odinson. Nice to finally meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine, M’lady.” He said charmingly. “I hear you use to be a Vet Nurse.”

You nodded. “Yes, in fact that how I met Bucky.”

“Oh really?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, him and Tony came stumbling into the clinic I was working at chasing someone.” You explained, remembering that moment you first laid eyes on Bucky.

“Wow. I do love animals myself, though I never could have become a vet myself.” He smiled to himself. “I get too attached.”

“I love them too. I always wanted to work with animals. Just didn’t think it would end so soon.” In truth, you missed being surrounded by animals and meeting new ones.

“June.” Bucky’s voice interrupted. “Mind if I steal my wife back, Odinson?” He stepped to you and wrapped an arm around your waste.

Thor smiles at his ally before raising his hands in a playfull surrender. “She’s all yours.” Thor winked at you. “Nice to meet you, June.”

“You too.” You wave him off.

Bucky looks down at you, gosh he looked so good in his suit.

“What?” You giggled at him.

“You’re just so beautiful.” He rubbed his nose against yours.

You reach up gently and wrap your arm around his neck, pulling him down softly to meet you lips. You couldn’t get enough of kissing him today. He was finally your husband and you couldn’t wait to love him with all of your body.

You deepened the kiss by turning your head, your tongue massaging itself against his and you other arm gripping onto his shoulder. He pulls your body against him, pressing your chest against his and feeling the strength of his heart beat. His hands gripped you in such a delicious way that you wanted to melt in his embrace.

You pulled away for air and Bucky leant his forehead against yours, breathing heavily.

“Are you ready?” He asked, breath fanning against your face.

You look around to see that some guests had gone and it was now a relaxed mood, not that you cared. You just wanted to be with him.

“Yes.” Your voice came out on almost a beg.

“Alright.” Bucky pressed another soft kiss to your lips before pulling you with him to the small stage where a lone microphone stood.

“Hello, everyone.” Bucky pulled the attention of the rest of the people in the room. “Thank you all for coming to celebrate this beautiful woman and me. But now it is time we part.” Bucky smirked to the crowd. “We have to start our honeymoon.” You and Bucky then ran out of the venue, giggling like children and into the car on the way to the hotel you’d spend the night at. Making out and touch in the car, you couldn’t wait to get your hands on each other. As soon as the car stopped, you and Buck leapt out and into the building. Bucky fumbled with the room key while you kissed his neck, purring in his ear and gripping him any where you could get a hand full.

As he finally got it open, he pulled you inside and slammed you against the door as it shut. He attacked your neck and moved his hands to take off your outfit. His hands were rushed and he couldn’t wait to feel your skin. Getting frustrated with the fabric, he ripping it at the sides causing you to gasp.

“You only needed it for one night anyway.” He mumbled as he immediately latched onto your nipple, one hand gripping the skin on your hip and the other kneading your other breast.

Your head rested against the door with your eyes closed, enjoying his lips on you. Warmth grew in your core, wetness slicking up your folds as Bucky made his way down your body. He massaged your skin as his kisses trail down to your navel.

“I want to feel every inch of you.” He mumbled against your skin.

His lips were hot against your skin as he sucked a purple bruise on you hipbone. The fabric that had been ripped from your body and bunch up at your knees was now being pushed down you legs and you stepped out of it.

Bucky stood back up and tucked his hands under your thighs, making you jump and wrap your legs around his waist.

He handled you gently, making sure your legs shook at the touch of his tongue to your core and his tip to your sweat spot. He made sweet love to you and you were so glad he could fuck you like that for the rest of your life.

Tags: @kiwi-comics

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