#I can’t even imagine how sad so many VAs must feel

[snowyroxx22]

I’m glad people are finally getting angry at Hollywood replacing voice actors with celebrities-

Because a few years ago, when The Lego Ninjago Movie came out, Warner Bros replaced voice actors from Ninjago’s tv show who had been voicing the characters for almost a decade with random celebrity actors, and we were just supposed to accept that.

And it only got worse from there. Warner Bros continued this trend with their own movies (Scoob, casting Zendaya as Lola in the Space Jam sequel). And now other companies have done it too (Sonic movie, and now Mario).

It’s just SO unfair that companies will just ignore characters that ALREADY have talented ACTUAL voice actors and cast Hollywood actors just to gain money who most of the time aren’t even good at voice acting (they are two different skills!) I really do hope everyone being angry at the Mario casting starts to make a difference. Voice actors deserve just as much fame as actors do.

[candescentclitoria]

Item: Doubt

Pairing: Alcina Dimitrescu x Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: Pouty, Angry Alcina. Vanity being thrown.

Co-Writer/Editor: @lissett108

A/N: This took a long time, but here you go! I hope you enjoy!

Your hair stood on end, a shiver raced down your spine and a lump came into your throat- you didn’t know what you did. She had never been angry enough to throw things, let alone throw those things at you. Now, you sat in one of the many hidden passages of the castle, your need to hide from Alcina great in your instincts.

 A few hours earlier, you were on your way to go see her, the book you were reading in the library long finished.

Your hand reaches to push open the door, your other hand holds the next book you wish to read with Alcina. “Cina, I found another book I want to read with you, maybe we can start tonight?” 

A yell escapes your girlfriend as she throws her vanity at you, her eyes red rather than their normal gold. You jump back and fall, the book in your hand landing in front of you. Tears begin to gather in your eyes and your body shakes. Your breathing begins to shake as well, was she throwing the vanity at you? What did you do and why was she trying to hurt you for it? 

You didn’t try to ask her, you couldn’t. Your legs had a mind of their own at this point and they decided it’s time to get away from the threat that your girlfriend posed to your life: if she even was your girlfriend anymore. You didn’t know. 

You hear Alcina cry your name out behind you, but you continue to run. She said she would never hurt you and yet doubt starts to creep in. Perhaps she didn’t mean what she said, maybe she just wanted your trust. 

Heavy footsteps sound out from behind you and whimpers fall from your lips. She was getting closer by the second. Your passage was just up ahead, A few more steps come on [Name]! 

“[Name], please! I beg you, let me explain!” You shake your head, tears streaming down your cheeks. Your hands tremble with the force of a thousand thunderstorms as you touch the wall. Hells fury knew no limits compared to your girlfriend. Regardless if she loved you, the fury was no limit to what you were just exposed to. Yet, as fearful as you were, doubt crept in like the uninvited. How could something like this be after all this time? Where were your instincts, mind, and heart in the matter? You love her, but how blind are you to her vampiric nature? Eventually, your hand grazes the right place, a wall opens and soon it was you and the darkness of doubt. Maybe it was bad timing, maybe it was the book, or maybe just you? Her strength and ferocity was something you had yet to witness but not in this form. You always thought she would protect you, not scare you- maybe it was you. Something had trailed you away from the entrances and soon you were left with only an empty room and your thoughts. Alcina’s voice had faded out to soft whimpers and low whispers of anxiety. She was somewhat close yet somewhat far. Is this what you had forgotten? The fear of becoming replaced and forgotten had crept around like a coiling snake- yet doubt was the only poison your body felt. The fear of not being enough and her deciding to off you herself. When did you become so fragile? 

Hours pass, your tears long gone and your fatigue growing by the minute. You have no clue what time it is, but you’re sure it's night by now. A yawn escapes your lips and you lean your head back against the wall behind you. You stretch your legs and move to stand but a creak stops you. You look to your left and jump, pushing yourself into the corner furthest from her. Alcina stands before you, her hands held up. “[Name], please listen to me. I didn’t know you were there and I wasn’t throwing my vanity at you. I had just gotten off the phone with Mother Miranda. She still wants to go through with the ceremony, even after everything that Winters boy has done. I let my anger get the best of me. Please, I beg that you believe me, I would never hurt you.”

For a moment the feeling was fleeting, just like your doubt, but before you was the woman you loved, begging for forgiveness. “Cina.” your voice cracks with sudden worry and fear. “You- I.. Did I do something? Something that already had you angry at me?”

“No! No my love you could never! He.. he’s still running amok in the castle and Mother Miranda is more concerned with the ceremony than the threat he poses to all of us, especially you. I thought she would care, but I was wrong. She doesn’t care about anything besides her pleasure. I’m so sorry that you thought I was mad at you.” Alcina pauses and moves her hand to her mouth, tears begin to run down her face. Her body begins to shake as she sobs. “Please forgive me.. please don’t leave me.”

As your eyes scan her face for any traces of lying, your hands clench the fabric of your dress, and you whimper. “How do I know you won’t hurt me in the future? How do I know I won’t be thrown to the side and forgotten like some worthless doll?” Alcina looks up at you and moves to cup your face, but you pull back with a flinch. “Alcina Diane, why should I trust you?” The cold air had bled through the walls so secretly that it felt like someone was going to fall off and never return, the rift forming between you and your lover growing by the second.

 “Tell me why.” You ask again, but more directly. A look of sadness washes over the face you used to love to kiss so much. Right now, you couldn’t fathom the idea of placing your lips on hers, your doubts and worries too fresh to allow it. Alcina lets go of the breath she was holding in her throat. “I’ll start from the beginning.”

The look on her face was that of pain, she felt like her world was shattering. How could I forget that humans were so fragile in both mind and body? Alcina asks herself. Her lover hadn’t known of her ferocity or how intense she could be but now was the time for reassurance and sincerity. 

“I saved you from being attacked by a Lycan before I knew you or even before you knew of me, I rushed to you.” She responds honestly and gets as close to her lover’s height as possible. She doesn’t reach out to her love, but she leaves her gloved hand out. 

“I refused and fought mother Miranda to keep you alive and in my castle because…” she cuts out. Slowly but surely, she composes herself.

“I love you and I will protect even from myself if I must.” She says, holding her hand out to her lover as reassurance. With a small amount of force, her lover’s hand grips her own but was shaking.

“I’m afraid because I’m new to this, new to you. Alcina please let me know of you fully.” Slightly taken aback Alcina gently lets herself touch heads with her lover’s to show a new form of intimacy. 

“Ask me anything, anything about myself. There may be things I’m not completely ready to talk about, but if there is I’ll let you know eventually. I’ve known you for nearly a year, but there are still things I’m working up to tell you, just as you have things you’re working up to tell me as well.”

You nod and place your hand on her shoulder, “That’s fair. Just let me know about your personality. How you tick, what makes you mad, sad. I want to be able to help and I can’t unless you let me. I now know that Mother Miranda tends to piss you off, so maybe I can help. I know you like cuddling, maybe we can cuddle after a phone call with her? Maybe something more if needed.” 

A small chuckle escapes your lover's lips and she leans down, placing her lips on your forehead. “Yes, that’s completely true. I do admire and look up to her, but she doesn’t care as much as I thought she did. She doesn’t care that Winters poses a threat to all of us, yes that includes you.” Hands run up your back and pull you closer to Alcina’s body, her face nuzzling into your neck. “When the girls make messes with their prey, I tend to get irritated. Especially when they let their prey escape and run around the castle. That not only poses a threat to our business but to you as well. I don’t want to take a chance on you getting hurt, I know it’s selfish but I can’t lose you.” You place your hands on her cheeks and pull her down to face you. “You’re not going to lose me. Honestly, I thought you wanted me gone, you threw the vanity and I thought that was your way of telling me to leave.”

Alcina shakes her head quickly and places her gloved hands on your cheeks. “Never my love! I would never want you gone, floarea mea mica. You mean the world to me. Before I met you, I was indeed content, I was used to being alone romantically and focusing on my daughters and Mother Miranda. Then you came in and stole my love, stole my daughter's love. We all love you and couldn’t imagine life without you Draga mea. You’re our little flower. I’ll spend the rest of eternity making sure you know that I love you. Making sure you know I’ll want you forever.”

You can't hold back the whimper in your throat at Alcina's words. She didn't want you gone, you meant the world to her. A smile crosses your face and you pull Alcina close to you. “I'll still be wary, I'm not used to seeing you that angry, let alone angry enough to throw things. It scared me. Alcina nods and pulls you into her lap. “I completely understand lubirea mea, It will take time and I can deal with it, I can wait. I want you to know that you can trust me and know that I would never harm you. I can't fathom the thought.” 

Gentle kisses are placed across your face, large hands set on the small of your back. “What else can I do to assure you Draga mea? Îmbrățișări? Sărutări? Cină?” You giggle at the change in her language and pull her down so her lips meet yours. With the little Romanian you know, you speak, 

“Tinandu-ma, Alcina, va face.”

[tennessoui]

for obikin, maybe pretending to hate each other au? (sth where their ages are a little closer, perhaps, so obi-wan can be intensely petty and not feel the need to Set an Example)

45. (Pretending To) Hate Each Other (raised as Sith!Anakin, salty!Padawan Obi-Wan)(1.6k)

Obi-Wan turns away from the training stalles with a barely suppressed sneer. Anakin, as he is to be called, has defeated his opponents. His fellow Padawans. Darth Vader has become a Padawan and everyone is just fine with it.

Obi-Wan marches out into the halls, not knowing where he’s going, but knowing he must get away from the smirk on Anakin’s face as he had lowered his training saber to his opponent’s neck. Does no one but Obi-Wan remember how just months ago Vader’s saber had been pressed against his neck and it hadn’t been a training exercise? Does no one remember the atrocities Anakin had committed, the sentients Anakin had killed?

And yet Obi-Wan’s master seems infinitely fascinated by the boy. And yet Obi-Wan, it seems, cannot step out of his own room without finding this Anakin underfoot, either taking tea with his Master, or dolefully skulking around the doorway of Obi-Wan’s quarters. What draws the boy, he has no lasting idea.

They’re approximately the same age, he supposes, although Obi-Wan has a few years at least on Anakin--it’s clearer to see now that Anakin has stopped wearing his helmet and armor into battle, now that the lines of his face are not hardened by scowls and snarls. Really, he’s a boy. His medical chart puts him at eighteen, making him four years Obi-Wan’s junior.

And, he supposes, Qui-Gon was the one to find Anakin wounded on the battlefield, the one to insist they treat the Sith, heal him, and give him shelter. But Obi-Wan was the one who had found the slave chip embedded between his ribcage, the one who had alerted the Council to its presence, so it could be used to find the boy’s master, to capture him or kill him, to end the war.

But surely, whatever small part Obi-Wan had played in the war’s conclusion, the Force should have known better than to repay him by gifting him with the care and keeping of a Sith Lord, Chosen One or not.

Although Obi-Wan can admit, even if only to himself, that it’s worse when Vader latches onto anyone else in the Temple. His master is too starry-eyed by his ideas of Vader’s midichlorians, his destiny as the Chosen One, to see the boy in front of him now.

And anyone younger than Vader is too easily swayed by his looks, his charm, his disgustingly transparent eagerness to know about the Temple, about the Jedi way of life.

Obi-Wan knows this. He’s fought a Sith at 20, fended it off after it dealt a nearly fatal blow to his Master. They cannot be reasoned with. Vader cannot be reasoned with.

Anakin exists only as a figment of their imaginations, their desire to have the Chosen One fly under the Jedi colors. He is not real, not anymore.

Gradually, Obi-Wan finds himself making his way up the stairs of the Jedi Temple. Of all the spots to hide--to sulk, as his Master would say--the rooftop is the one least likely to be checked. It is one of Obi-Wan’s favorite areas in the entire building.

But he had not thought to check for stragglers before arriving at his destination, had thought the thunderstorms of his own Force presence would keep others at bay. He hadn’t yet figured Vader into his calculations, hadn’t remembered the propensity Vader had for showing up right when Obi-Wan least wanted him to.

“You left,” Vader--Anakin--whoever accuses, as Obi-Wan sits down on the rooftop. The wind howls around them. Obi-Wan has the distinct thought that they’ve lived through this before, that last time Vader had cornered him on a rooftop, he had threatened to take a piece of his body home to his Master. Now, Vader is standing in his home.

Obi-Wan takes a very deep breath and banishes those sorts of thoughts. Anakin, he reminds himself. Anakin.

And just as importantly, the chip. There had been a chip. Not controlling Va--Anakin’s thoughts, but certainly controlling his actions. What he would do to survive is no different from what Obi-Wan had done to survive; they had just been on opposite sides of the war.

Is Obi-Wan weak for not being able to move past that? For not being able to greet the boy--the man--Anakin with open arms into the folds of his family?

“I did,” Obi-Wan replies, keeping his eyes on what he can see of the city skyline.

Anakin steps closer. “Why?”

He turns to face him, takes in his sweaty appearance and messy tunics. He must have been looking for Obi-Wan’s reaction. He must have seen the exact moment Obi-Wan had turned, must have scrambled to cloth himself as he followed after.

“Why does it matter?” He asks instead of answering, always instead of answering.

“Because I wanted you to watch,” Vader says.

“I’ve seen you kill Padawans before,” Obi-Wan turns away and stands up until he can lean against the high protective walls of the roof. “I wasn’t impressed.”

Vader feels frustrated in the Force. No. Anakin.

Anakin. “It was a training exercise.”

“Now,” Obi-Wan points out. “Or do you mean then?”

“Would you hate me if I said both?” “I hate you now, Vader.” The other boy’s Force signature withdraws, flinching away from Obi-Wan’s ire. He hears him sit down. He’d rather throw him off the roof.

But: “Don’t call me that,” the boy pleads quietly. “I know I can’t--that I don’t--” he cuts himself off and grows quiet.

Obi-Wan would say something to break the silence, but he doesn’t want to engage the boy if he doesn’t have to. If he closes his eyes, he can feel and see the Force raging around them, violently buffering them as it demands some sort of denouement.

The boy inhales and stands again, stepping forward hesitantly until he’s a scant foot away from Obi-Wan. “My mom always told me she thought for ages about my name. That it had come to her in a dream after I was already a month old, that it was bad luck to have waited for so long to name me because infants on Tatooine can die as quickly as their mothers.

“And then I...I couldn’t use it or hear it or speak it for so long that I think I almost forgot it, almost lost it to Sidious and...and Vader. So even if you hate me, and I know you should hate me, I know I’ve never done anything to you that cancels out the bad I’ve done to you, but. Please don’t call me that. I think it would have made her sad."

Obi-Wan works his jaw as he stares off into the city. He doesn’t think V--Anakin has ever said so many words to him. If he gives in now, he’d be just as bad as the other padawans who had welcomed Anakin in amongst them because of his big eyes and soft lips and earnest enthusiasm.

Anakin seems to take his silence as permission to continue, which it isn’t. “And I know I’m not. That I can’t be--won’t ever be a Padawan, or a Jedi Knight, that. That I’ll never wear a braid or anything. I’m not--I don’t want another Master. I never want another Master.”

Obi-Wan turns his head just enough to look at Anakin. He’s spent an awfully long amount of time hanging around Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan’s quarters if he doesn’t want a Master. But...what he’s saying makes sense, and, more importantly than that, soothes the furious emotions in Obi-Wan’s chest enough that he can speak. “Then I can’t understand why.” Why you’re here, why you won’t leave me alone, why you chose to follow me if you’re not trying to dispose of me and take my Master for yours.

Anakin sighs, leaning his head on his hands as he looks out at the city. Obi-Wan finds himself annoyed with that as well, even though he’d just been doing the same thing. Now he can’t tear his eyes away from Anakin’s profile.

“You’re warm in the Force,” Anakin says eventually. “I think maybe I spent too long in space, because I’m always cold. Except when I’m around you. You burn. You always have. I used to think that maybe--it was hatred or disgust at me, when I met you in battle, and you were an inferno. But you burn when you’re on creche duty too. A different kind of fire, but still so warm. It’s just your soul. It’s just who you are.”

Obi-Wan blinks open-mouthed at him. He’s never considered the thought that Vader--Anakin--had been trailing after him for anything other than easy access to his Master. Now he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or say.

There’s a part of him that still doesn’t understand what Anakin wants to get out of his tenancy at the Temple, a part that whispers that the Sith can’t be trusted, no matter how blue they can make their eyes look. But the Jedi part of Obi-Wan is bigger.

The Jedi part of Obi-Wan tells him to extend his hand just enough to brush against Anakin’s exposed wrist. It’s a point of vulnerability the boy doesn’t shy away from.

“Would you…” he asks slowly, forcing the words out of his tight throat. “Like to meditate with me?”

Anakin looks astonished, then hopeful, then disappointed, then dejected. “I’m no good at meditating,” he says, scuffing the point of his shoe on the ground. “It wasn’t a huge part of my...former Master’s curriculum, and the Force is just so loud in my head that it’s hard to do anything but react.”

He looks up at Obi-Wan through his eyelashes, biting his lip as if he’s afraid that he’ll be turned away for this.

Instead, Obi-Wan turns fully to face him and latches onto his flesh hand. “There are some things, I’ve found,” he murmurs, leading them away from the edge of the roof before pulling Anakin down to sit cross-legged in front of him, “that are much easier done with someone else. Done together.”

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Echoes of the Past" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

What probably gets debated the most in the fandom is the legitimacy behind King being the King of Demons. Some believe that there's truth to his statement, while others, like me, like to think that he was just some stray Eda picked up off the streets. Either option seemed likely, especially since Season One never gave an answer that leaned one way or the other.

Then here comes the writers finally answering the question of who King is in episode THREE of Season Two! Because, again, they don't waste time on giving fans exactly what they want.

Fans wanted answers behind King, we got 'em, and analyzing what those answers mean requires going deep into spoilers. So if you haven't checked the episode out yet, I highly recommend that you do. Trust me, it's worth seeing.

Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Luz Experimenting with Spells: Hey, look! More proof that Luz isn't an idiot like some people flanderize her to be!

But, seriously though, this is a perfect little thread to introduce into the story. Luz collecting knowledge from Lilith's old books and past work she and Eda made adds to Luz's intelligence while also providing a believable explanation for how she gets new spells. It's also nice to see that she has this little notebook (or spellbook) to help see what works and what doesn't. It's a level of experimentation that proves her dedication to becoming a witch while also exemplifying how she isn't stupid. Occasionally reckless, sure, but you can't say that the person who figured out an invisibility spell through showing her work is also an idiot.

Francios with a Knife: How did Francois get a knife? I don't know. But the fact that a random knife plopped out behind him with little to no explanation is funny, and I will not hear otherwise.

I don't make the rules. I just abide by them.

Luz’s Invisibility Spell: I breezed past this, but I honestly love this invisibility spell. More specifically, I love that there's a limiter. It can turn you, objects, and people you're in contact with invisible, but only as long as you can hold your breath. It helps make the spell something the characters can't always rely on, which is appreciated. Because if it works as long as they concentrate, what's stopping them from sneaking into Belos' castle and assassinating him in his sleep? It's a smart way of explaining why they can't always rely on something, despite how insanely useful it is.

Luz: Let's gush about Luz some more, shall we!

"Echoes of the Past" is another episode that has Luz on top form. She is constantly supportive of King, even if Lilith has a point in the dangers of indulging his fantasy as a powerful tyrant. Doing so would cause more harm than good, especially when King finds out Luz doesn't believe him, but her going along with it was all done with the best of intentions. Luz doesn't want to hurt her friend, and even if she did in the long run, she still makes up for it by helping King learn more about his past.

And, as another reminder, Luz isn't stupid. She's the first to say they should leave when it's clear how dangerous the castle is and is quick to figure out there should be more at the top. Luz is a loyal and caring friend who's also guarded and intuitive when the situation calls for it. This episode understood that, so here's hoping other fans will too.

Lilith: Yeah, she's still growing on me.

I feel like this episode shows a better idea of Lilith's place in the group more than the past two. She's a person who's obsessed with knowledge and learning but considers herself above the jovial nature of King, Luz, and definitely Eda. Therefore, she acts as the perfect catalyst for what jumpstarts this week's adventure. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that she almost instantly dismisses King's claims due to considering herself more knowledgeable than everyone else. Still, I like how she's willing to believe King once she finally sees evidence that seemingly proves he really was the King of Demons, to the point of referring to him as "her lord." Hooty does the same thing, but it comes across as him fearing for his own life and choosing to be friends with someone who could maybe kill him in an instant. For Lilith, her newfound respect comes from the desire to learn more, and it's that desire that makes Lilith an enjoyable character to me. It's adorable to see, and it has some comedic flavor in moments like when she dismisses everyone else and their emotional revelations to take pictures of the carvings around her. I'm sure she'll cause some controversy like other characters with rushed reformations, but for me, I'm more than ok with her addition to the main cast.

More of Lilith’s and Hooty’s Friendship: HOW DOES THIS WORK!?

ON PAPER, IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA, BUT IT F**KING WORKS!

HOW?!

WHAT BLACK MAGIC DID THESE WRITERS USE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP SO UNEXPECTED COME ACROSS AS SO ENDEARING AND ADORABLE?!

And where can I get some for my stories...just asking.

But seriously: HOW?!

Hooty Making Himself Portable: Ah, yes. The classic bit where a character does something horrifically grotesque off-screen, and we have nothing but character reactions and sound effects to imagine what happened between shot A and shot B. It's an oldie, but given how hard I was laughing (mostly because of Luz's gagging), it's still a goodie.

Eda’s Portable Bathtub Boat Thing: I mean...I was expecting Eda would use something to catch up with the others, but...that thing...well...I mean, I'm still laughing just by thinking about it. That should tell you how well executed this joke was.

John Luke: ...I'm gonna go ahead and add him to the list because HOLY S**T was this guy disturbing! From his design to his movements to even the sounds he makes when moving, everything about John Luke screams as something that will stay in kids' nightmares for a while. Now, this might seem like a complaint, but to be honest, I'm more than alright with how creepy John Luke is. I highly doubt adult viewers will consider John Luke scary, but I guarantee he'll terrify some of the youngins that this series is aimed for. And that's fine. It's good to creep kids out a little bit with something somewhat scary, as it might introduce them to more good horror stories later in life.

Plus, the reveal that John Luke was only a guard for King is pretty solid narratively speaking. You can see how John never really meant to hurt King aside from one accident when Eda escaped with him. If you want to read into it, I guess it might be questionable to tell kids that something that looks dangerous is secretly nice, but that's really nitpicky, in my opinion. John Luke was a fantastic threat that is designed and animated well, with a solidly executed twist. Some might hate what he presents, most will fear him, but we can all agree on one thing: His theme is awesome (can I get the track for that, please)!

King’s Backstory: Finally, at long last, we know who King is, thus putting an end to a year-long debate. And I fully mean it when I say that the writers gave the best possible answer. Because in a way, everyone was right. Yes, King was just an animal that Eda decided to adopt, like the nature-loving hippie she is inside (She's got the hair for it). However, while he may not be the King of Demons himself, he is still the son of someone who deserves that title. So while he isn't the King, there's a chance he might be the Prince. Once again, there's no direct answer, but given how the writers came up with something that pleases everyone while still providing more questions for debate, it acts as a brilliant move, in my opinion. So whatever answer we get next, I'm sure it will be just as perfect.

Baby King:

My heart was not prepared for that level of cuteness!

King’s Breakdown: NOR WAS IT READY FOR THIS LEVEL OF SADNESS!

But in all seriousness, a HUGE round of applause to Alex Hirsch for his performance in this episode. He expertly captured the raw emotions of shock, anger, betrayal, and sadness that King must have felt when finding out that everything he believed he was is a lie. It's one of those moments where I don't hear a person voicing lines in a booth (or wherever the hell VAs are voicing characters nowadays), but instead hear a living person being emotionally torn apart. It was heartbreaking seeing King so vulnerable as he's so guarded with his emotions. Seeing him like this adds so much more layers to a character that many would mistake him as a cute, comedic animal sidekick. But just like with Luz, there's more to him than people will tell you.

“I don’t even know what’s real or fake anymore!”: I'm just pointing out this line because I believe it's what convinces Luz to help King learn more about who he is. Hell, not knowing what's real or fake is the main reason why Luz got sent away in the first place, so I feel like she can relate to King when he's in a similar predicament.

Hooty and Lilith vs John Luke: This was just a cool scene with some epic moments of dodging John Luke's attacks and some funny ones, like how Hooty said the word "pain." It's a ten out of ten that I would rewind to watch again.

King’s Other Horn: I'd question the logistics of how a horn that got broken off when he was a baby still manages to fit perfectly in the present...but it is neat symbolism of King accepting his past and letting it be a part of him, so who cares?

(The fact that the colors of the broken-off piece don't match the rest of the horn is nice attention to detail as well.)

WHAT I DISLIKED

It's a Little Too Predictable: I pretty much figured almost every little twist the episode offers. But, I'm willing to say that's because I'm in my twenties, and I've seen enough stories similar to this one, so I'm more likely to know what will happen. The little monsters watching this will see it for the first time, so they'll most likely get more surprised than me...And that was my only complaint about the episode...which is more of a personal problem than an actual issue...I guess that means it's perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Echoes of the Past" is an easy A+ in my book. It gives lore and backstory that furtherly develops the characters that episodes like this should. It also tells a tragic story about King that still sprinkles in a few good jokes every now and again to lighten up the mood. Sure, there are some nitpicks I could mention (how did King remember his own birth?). But when the good stuff is done so well, what's the point of dwelling on small, insignificant issues? This is still a phenomenal episode that flew past all expectations I had for it, and it continues the winning steak this season is having so far.

(But that's still three home runs in a row. Meaning that a stinker is coming. Ooiee, is it coming!)

[atopearth]

The Fruit of Grisaia Part 4 - Matsushima Michiru Route

A Michiru that talks without being super loud is so...weird LOL. I was surprised when the other Michiru kissed Yuuji because she wanted to try it and see how it feels. LMAO when Michiru was making all the sound effects of baseball to tell Yuuji she knows what going to first base means🤣🤣 I legit laughed out loud, she's so silly and funny🤣 I knew Yuuji was really going to kiss Michiru to show her what she did to him the other day but omggg, poor Michiru lol!! The shock of her life lmao. On the other hand, I'm just squealing at how they've already kissed 5 minutes into this route🥲🥲 Honestly, props to Michiru's voice actress because her munching on too many ramune candies and all the sound effects she makes is hilarious, I can't stop laughing🤣🤣 I feel so bad for Michiru. She agonised over the kiss for so long and now Yuuji just tells her to forget about it with no explanation at all! It was her "first kiss" so she obviously needed time to digest it and wonder why he did that! Poor girl.

Lolll at the miscommunication Amane had with Sachi, it's really cute how Michiru helped resolve it when Sachi was about to go through a breakdown. On the other hand, Michiru going through her own little meltdown actually brought some tears to my eyes because I think Michiru's VA really expressed her feelings very well. When she kept saying sorry she didn't mean to shout at Amane like that and stuff, I couldn't help but understand those feelings, it was sad to see how distraught she was. Glad the other Michiru saved the day. But it seems like Michiru is much more fearful of herself than I thought. She was honestly so adorable when she shared her fears with Yuuji and held his hand and even hugged him for comfort. I'm just glad the other Michiru seems to genuinely care for her and want to protect her. Anyway, I can't imagine how terrible it must feel to literally have obvious gaps in your memories and basically never knowing the resolution to the "bad" situations she faces because the other Michiru always comes out when she's too distressed to handle her emotions. It must be so scary. I'm glad she could at least share a bit of her feelings with Yuuji.

Lmaoo when Michiru told Yumiko cats don't exist in order to protect the cat she's feeding (since cats aren't allowed in the dorm), and proceeded to say only dogs exist in this world as the cat meowed🤣🤣🤣 It's actually pretty funny how the cat is basically an extension of Michiru at this point🤣 Lmaoo, I love Makina, it was so funny when she was saying how she'll miss Yuuji and Sachi (since she's going to Amane's place during summer vacation), be okay with not seeing Yumiko and didn't mention Michiru at all🤣 Then when they're like how about Michiru, she's like who's that🤣 Awww Yuuji and Michiru are going to be alone in the dorm for two weeks because everyone is going on vacation. I'm so excited!! Lmaoo at Michiru doing spitting noises🤣 Michiru is so cuteee trying to ask Yuuji out on a date lol, and then omg, he tells her to go training with her the next day and she's dressed in a date outfit and is 3 hours early?! She's so silly but adorable. HAHAHA, I died when Michiru took out her "sandwich" for their picnic and it was literally a loaf of bread stuffed with salad 🤣 Michiru is so funny, I love how she immediately woke up when Yuuji saw her sleeping, so he said he'll cancel today's date and she bounced right up🤣🤣 LMAO that Yuuji kept on giving Michiru rocks as presents and she kept crying while saying she's so happy🤣🤣 They're both such idiots lmao🤣🤣 Sometimes Yuuji goes a bit overboard that I feel sorry for Michiru, but she's quite resilient so I'm all for their silly relationship. LOL when Michiru did the "come catch me" thing they always do on typical beach dates, and Yuuji literally does a full-on dash towards her and then tackles her too🤣🤣🤣 Yuuji rubbing sunscreen on Michiru is quite hot lmao, I love how they address leg hair though!! I've never seen fictional characters talk much about hair anywhere so hearing Yuuji and Michiru talk about it, and Yuuji saying a little hair is of no concern and she can do what she wants is so nice🥺🥺 I love how despite Yuuji's protests and a bit of confusion on why he's so soft towards Michiru, he can't refute her that he is actually having fun on their pretend dates, it's so cute🥲

Michiru feeling like everything is a dream and getting worried that everything will disappear is so saddening. My heart broke when she asked Yuuji if she was still her, and whether she was holding herself together. Yuuji hugging Michiru to comfort her was really nice. The other Michiru is very overprotective but I guess I can see why she's so concerned. Michiru really needs to be protected, especially since she's so scared of being left behind by anything and everyone she cares for. Aww, Michiru is so brave to ask Yuuji for a kiss even though it's just part of the pretend dating thing. Yuuji was awfully compliant haha, but it's nice that he let her prepare her heart and only went for it when she said she was ready. Aww I feel bad for Michiru that straight after that, Yuuji said there was no need to continue their play dates anymore because the others are coming back tomorrow😭😭 Yuuji, you idioooot!😭 Seeing Michiru slowly break down was really killing me, but I think what really destroyed me and just made me uncontrollably cry was when Yuuji told her the truth that there's another her, and Michiru kept realising that alot of the things Yuuji did was because he listened to the other her, and Michiru couldn't help but think that maybe the other her should just take care of her life full-time and she can just disappear instead. I think it really broke me because her feelings were so relatable. Sometimes when you're so tired of living, and you know you can leave things to another person's capable hands and that will do things better than you, it can't be helped that you would think maybe it's better to just disappear and let that happen, and I guess Michiru's feelings just hit a bit too close to home for me. The last straw was Meowmel (Michiru's pet cat) dying in Michiru's arms. I just couldn't stop crying seeing how thoroughly heartbroken Michiru was and how much she blamed herself. Anyway, I just wanted to say that Yuuji was pretty ruthless. I know he's more logical or whatever, but in Yumiko and Sachi's routes, he was definitely much more empathetic and understanding, so seeing him like this to her made it feel kinda terrible imo. Honestly, I'm not surprised Michiru attempted suicide because there's just way too many things happening at the same time and she can't take it, but I'm more surprised that she hasn't completely shut herself in and let the other Michiru deal with everything. There's so many instances I thought the other Michiru would appear considering how much she probably can't take, but she hasn't appeared at all, so I'm kinda confused on what exactly makes her appear now lol.

Aww I feel so bad for Yumiko! She's trying to give Michiru those pennants she bought for her as souvenirs, but she's always trying to give it to her at a time when she's anxious and not in the mood😭 I feel like Michiru is going to end up exploding on her and that will make me cry because Yumiko is so cute and sincere. I didn't expect Yuuji to sleep with Michiru at such a vulnerable time tbh, but I guess it really did help her... I didn't expect Michiru to be from a wealthy family. I'm so sad that Michiru was physically and mentally abused by her tutors that hated her because she couldn't produce results her parents were satisfied with. Her parents treated them badly so they treated her badly, and that's just terrible. She was just a kid. I found it really saddening how they gave up on her though. I mean it's great that they're not pressuring her anymore knowing she has an illness, but seeing them not care about her reaffirmed to her what her tutors always said about her being useless and being garbage, and that just breaks my heart. I honestly really liked Michiru's first meeting with the "girl". They met in an awkward moment, the girl wanted to suicide and Michiru just happened to be there. I liked that what motivated Michiru to talk to her was because she felt that it was unfair. Unfair that this girl was planning to end her life so "easily" just like this, when Michiru could never steel herself to get over the fence and jump off the roof, unfair that she had the "courage" to jump and leave everything whilst Michiru had to continue to live. It was motivated from selfish reasons, but it was nice to see that Michiru's existence and words ended up stopping the girl from killing herself. It was pretty funny how after all that, Michiru just introduced herself to the girl lol. It was so sweet to see the girl introduce so many new things Michiru never knew about to her. It's just too bad that regardless of how much fun you can have with a friend, when they're not the reason you are living for, you still end up going back to that desire of wanting to die. I guess I can kinda see why Michiru was so insistent on kissing Yuuji and sleeping with him before telling him her story. I think she wanted to understand that girl, her best friend's feelings. The girl gave up on living because her abusive "boyfriend" didn't love her anymore. She was "okay" with the abuse and the lies of him saying he'll leave his wife as long as he loved her, but once he didn't, she didn't want to live anymore, and I guess that's why Michiru wanted to experience love. Maybe she wanted to experience how reliant and dependent someone can get when it comes to love, maybe she wanted to understand how you could love a person so much that when they didn't love you anymore, you would end up wanting to leave this world instead, and I guess she wanted to know how it would feel to love someone to such an extent. The worst thing was Michiru having to see the girl kill herself right in front of her eyes but not be able to even say anything to her about her own feelings or anything at all. Would it have been better if the girl was friends with someone who wasn't "broken"? Would the girl have come back if Michiru was able to say something? Would she have stopped if Michiru said she would die with her? In the end, what someone chooses to do with their life is a choice of their own and the feelings of others can't always save them if they don't want to be saved, and it's sad to think about it all, it's just so sad to think about how difficult it is sometimes to just live.

How scary is that... The other Michiru helped Michiru make friends, do good in her studies etc enough that she was the normal, cheerful Michiru whereas she was the sick Michiru, I don't think I could take that... It's like basically saying her life was wrong, and that she's not normal. Knowing that the silly Michiru who clowns around is the Michiru she created to make others happy and let herself have something to live for makes me so sad. She knew that no one liked the real her who was always "sad", so she decided to be "silly" so others wouldn't think she's weird. It's actually really nice to see Yuuji tell her she needs to go to the hospital to help herself because sooo many characters that need therapy or something in fiction just kinda "let it go" no matter how crazy they get lol, so it's nice to see Michiru agree with him and actually decide to make changes to her situation and not just roll with it. Wellll, glad to know Michiru was actually ready to just disappear forever and that's why she agreed, I kinda wondered where those feelings went so it's nice to know that sleeping with Yuuji just made her more prepared to give up everything to the other Michiru. Guess we gotta thank Sachi for being insistent on opening this random box and letting Yuuji find her diary haha.

I guess I should get used to Yuuji using the most dramatic and crazy way to "save" every girl in their route lol. Now I'm starting to think Yumiko getting saved by a turkey was probably the most mild one. Anyway, I'm glad Michiru realised that she didn't really want to die, and also discovered how much everyone loves her. Kinda crazy to think Michiru spent 11 hours in a coffin and Yuuji sat there waiting for her to go crazy enough to break out, I guess he was really determined to not help her lol. Nice to see them happy I guess. On the other hand, I didn't actually realise the other Michiru was actually the real owner of the heart and that she has her memories, feelings and everything. Honestly, I found it kinda awkward because I pretty much assumed that this personality was created to be the stand-in best friend Michiru lost but no, she's actually her own person. I found them going to visit the other Michiru's parents and stuff pretty random tbh even though I was happy for her. Anyway, because of that, I honestly felt quite dissatisfied with Michiru's ending because it felt like we went through so many things but didn't really get enough of a happy and romantic ending for Yuuji and Michiru, and instead we had to accept the other Michiru third wheeling all the time now too lol. I mean, it's cool I guess, but I'm kinda disappointed lol.

Overall, I definitely liked Michiru's route the most. I thought it was very interesting and engaging in terms of romance and plot even though I feel like everything kinda fell off near the end. However, I really enjoyed the portrayal of Michiru's emotions because I honestly felt them so strongly that I cried. I loved how cute Yuuji and Michiru were with the pretend dates. I loved how we got to really see how much pain Michiru was in through the love and lost of Meowmel and I love how her VA showed her vulnerabilities so well in her voice whenever she opened up to Yuuji about losing herself. 10/10 for emotional pain. But I do kinda find Yuuji "weird" in this route, like I'm not sure what the exact problem is, since he is kinda cold, but I feel like he was less "kind" and understanding towards Michiru in her route than he was in others. I also found his love he developed for her rather awkward near the end, I think I liked it more when he always went easy on her by leaving his door unlocked etc during the play date times rather than the lackluster ending we got lol. I also think the other Michiru's story being shoved at the end was kinda frustrating because by that time I didn't really care much about her story and really would have liked to see Yuuji and Michiru bonding more instead since they haven't had much "real" couple interaction after saving her, so yeah it was disappointing. So really, I liked Michiru's story and I loved how tormented she was, and how well expressed it was throughout the route, but the ending was quite disappointing for me tbh. Amane time!

[astrovian]

Richard Armitage interview on BBC Radio Somerset for Uncle Vanya (25/10/20)

Full transcript under cut

Now the moment you’ve all be waiting for, particularly if you’re female – some proper eye-candy on this show okay, not just me. ‘Kay, some proper stardom. Richard Armitage has been in so much television okay, let’s give you a bit of an idea as to what he’s been in over the years. Of course, he started off in North & South back in 2004. He was Lucas North in the British TV drama Spooks. He was in Castlevania, he was in Robin Hood. He’s done so much work for The Royal Shakespeare Company. But for lots of you, you’ll have seen him in Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit. Here’s him talking a little bit about his role.

[Clip from The Hobbit interview – I play a character called Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thráin, son of Thrór, the last King Under the Mountain. There’s a direct descent from the royal line, which is myself, Thorin, and Fíli and Kíli, who are nephews by my sister]

Now, I’ve never seen The Hobbit, but whenever I think of Richard Armitage, it’s always- he was the guy in the last couple of episodes of The Vicar of Dibley.

[Clip from The Vicar of Dibley]

Brilliant, from Dibley to the valleys of New Zealand. Fantastic. Really pleased we can say we can speak to Richard Armitage on the show this afternoon to talk about his brand new film. Good afternoon, Richard. Thanks for joining us on the Sunday show. How are you?

I’m very good. How are you?

I’m great, thanks. Now, I say good afternoon, but you’re in New York, so it’s good morning to you over there.

Good morning. Yes.

Now you’ve done so much TV and film it’s ridiculous. If I sat here and listed out all the stuff you’ve done, we’d be here all day. However, we’re chatting about the latest one. Am I saying it right – Uncle ‘Van-ya’ or ‘Va-nya’? I’ve always said ‘Va-nya’.

You can say either, I mean a lot of the actors in our play were sort of from the North or from Ireland, and so we were calling him ‘Van-ya’. Sort of has a nicer ring to it, doesn’t it?

Yeah, let’s go with Uncle ‘Van-ya’. Yeah, now this is the-

Uncle ‘Van-ya’.

Now this is on Tuesday, you can see this from Tuesday onwards. Give us a bit of backstory. You were doing this as a play, but then Covid hit and it all had to change, is that right?

Yeah, we were in the middle of a, of a sixteen-week run and we’d-, we got through about ten weeks, and then we came in on a Monday morning and theatres were closed and we, we all had to go home. But it was something that we knew was coming, obviously Broadway had closed the week before us, and uh, so the chance to come back, even in a really still very difficult working environment, to, to sort of re-stage the play for film was something I think we were all incredibly grateful for.

Because not every play’s doing that – lots of plays have closed and we don’t know when they’re gonna re-open. But it must be a great thing to have because not every play was having that, were-, you know some of them were still just waiting for their moment to open up again.

Yes, and I mean National Theatre Live and Digital Theatre, they do film theatre, but they usually do it with a, with an audience in place, and that’s part of the, the thrill of it. But we had to- or, Sonya Friedman and her team had to sort of re-imagine what it might be like without an audience, and so this is a kind of hybrid film really, it-, we’re still in a theatre, but we’re much more kind of involved in the play and the camera comes into the stage and we see a little bit more than a regular production. But yeah, I feel very lucky that we were able to do this.

So it’s not like if you, if we had gone and seen it before it closed we’re obviously sat there looking on, but in this, in this version, the camera’s on the stage with you, you’re pretty much right in with the action, aren’t you?

You’re right in there, and I think that’s one of the, one of the y’know, unusual experiences, that that’s often not possible because you can’t, y’know, disrupt an audience’s viewpoint, so we tend, y’know, we tend to see theatre and hear an audience. Which, we lose the sound of an audience and that was very important with this play because the play is a comedy and y’know, the audience participation is, is really quite important. But it’s still a-, an interesting experience without the audience. In fact, there’s this sort of sadness for the audience’s lack, y’know.

Your character, you’re Astrov, is that right?

Yeah, I am. I’m the doctor.

Tell me a bit about him. What’s he like?

Well, he’s a bit of an outsider to this, to the family. Um, he’s, um, turned to drink because he is traumatised by losing patients, um, he’s working in a, in a region that’s suffering from an epidemic. At the same time, he’s recognising that his small corner of the world is being depleted environmentally, and so he’s, he’s, he’s an environmentalist. He’s planting trees and trying to sort of sustain his natural habitat, and he has a theory as to what, y’know, why people are sick and why our society is sick. And so, in terms of relevance, I think it, it sort of rang a lot of bells. Um, but he, y’know, in terms of his journey through the play, he finds love. Y’know, he talks early on in the play about not feeling anything because he’s been so battered down by his, his work, but he finds love and, um, is rejected. And you know, that’s the tragedy of Chekov, is that everyone’s in love with the wrong person.

And Chekov plays are very well-known, and they’re incredibly written as well. For you as an actor, to say you’re doing Chekov in the West End, or in this case in the cinema, that must be wonderful.

Yeah, it always sounds very kind of, um, highbrow, but Chekov didn’t write that many plays, and he’s also – y’know, he was a doctor as well himself. So there’s always a doctor in his plays. He writes about people, and I think that’s what attracts actors to this work. He doesn’t, he’s not so focused on the plot, he’s very much about the human experience and how we attract and repel each other. And he’s also a great purveyor of comedy and, y’know, finding fun with our, our flaws, and I think people will watch this after living in lockdown for six months, watching these people in a house that can’t get away from each other and are, y’know, ripping shreds, tearing shreds off of each other and, and kind of going out of their heads, and I think audiences will understand what Chekov was all about.

And this is available from Tuesday, unclevanyacinema.com, but you’re over in New York, so are you on the next project already, or are you doing something over there?

No, this is, this is where I, I live when I’m not working. But I’ll be back in, in England next year, I’m working on another Netflix show, so that will be good.

Now, when I said that Richard Armitage was coming on, it was- oh, the ladies, they go mad you know, ‘cause you’re so damn good-looking. And all these people, they’re on about the blimming Hobbit and all that sort of stuff, which is fantastic. But for me, do you know what thrills me most about you?

Go on.

You’re the guy that married Dawn French in The Vicar of Dibley. That’s the first thing that comes to my mind-

*Laugh* I knew you were gonna say that.

I know that for a lot of people it’s The Hobbit, and I know how big those sort of things are, and I know how good this, this new film is, but for me, you say ‘Richard Armitage’, he’s the guy who was nearly cheated on Dawn French.

Thanks for that.

No, not on-

He wasn’t cheatin’ on her.

He wasn’t, but she thought he was. But you’ve done so much-

Maybe they’ll re-run it at Christmas, who knows.

Oh, they re-run it all the time, Vicar of Dibley. Can’t move for it.

Do they?

Oh, they can’t move for it. UK Gold, it’s on every half hour. I hope you’re getting royalties for all these repeats.

I do too! I didn’t know it was on.

Oh, it’s on all the time. On all the time! But when you, when Covid’s out of the way as such, do you go back on stage with this, or has that sort of run its course now as a play, and you’re just gonna, it’s new life is now in the cinema?

I, yeah, I don’t think we’ll get the chance to go back, and I think that’s to do with the theatre is now being handed over to the fantastic David Tennant who’s gonna perform there-

Of course.

And the set is gonna be taken away, so I think this was a last chance to, to sort of discover the, this play. But I’m thrilled it’s on film, y’know. Film is forever, so…

That’s a good thing. I will just- if I don’t do twenty seconds on, twenty seconds on The Hobbit, the people will go mad. Great thing to be involved in, is it still something people ask you about?

It’s massive, I mean it was such a huge part of my life as well. Life-changing, y’know, going to New Zealand and working with one of my cinematic idols, y’know, Peter Jackson and that whole cast was, was phenomenal, and y’know, one of my favourite childhood books, so I, I couldn’t have asked- it was a dream come true really. And I, uh, still have incredible memories of that time.

So, Uncle Vanya, okay, is out from Tuesday, unclevanyacinema.com, but to be honest with you-

.com!

I’ve just been doing some googling, and if you just type in to any search engine ‘Uncle Vanya’, it comes up as the top listing. I mean there’s some great reviews for it as well-

Brilliant! And have you been to the cinema in this time?

I haven’t!

Are you getting out and going?

No, I haven’t been, that’s what I’m thinking, I should go and do it.

Give it a shot! I’ve done it, I did it a few times while I was there, and y’know, if you do obey all the rules and let the cinema take, y’know, do what you’re ‘sposed to do, wear the mask, it’s fine. It feels like normality. I mean, it’s like a Tuesday afternoon when there’s not that many people in there, but it’s still, y’know, still worth it.

I’m not minding that you see, ‘cause you’re guaranteed-

No.

-not to be next to someone who’s gonna be eating their popcorn in your face.

Chewing their popcorn.

Yeah.

Exactly.

That’s it. Or you get the couple in the back getting off with each other. I’m quite glad to be on my own there watching.

*Laugh*

That’s absolutely fine.

Is that what happens in cinemas in Somerset there?

Oh, it does, it does. Not-

*Laugh*

-not as much as I’d like. Well, look, Richard, it’s been a pleasure to speak to you, you are a gentleman, and I’ll give you a big plug again, Uncle Vanya comes out on Tuesday, unclevanyacinema.com, the reviews are great, it’s got five stars everywhere. Thanks so much for your time.

Thanks Andy.

[juminsmysticmc]

Reset

Anonymous said: hi, may I request something if it’s not too much trouble? it’s about saeyoung and the reset theory. but basically saeyoung and mc got in an argument and mc went to bed upset with him. saeyoung has a nightmare that once he’s happy with mc in the future, like with their own kids and a nice house and stuff, mc will reset and saeyoung will find that they’re back to day 1 and she falls for the others without remembering him. then he wakes up all sad and scared and he and mc make up. thank u so much!

Hi babe! I really liked to write the story although I’m not a huge fan of the reset theory but I had a pretty good idea so I hope you like it too! Please tell me your opinion! 

,,I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT!’’ he yelled at you.  ,,Can’t we just talk?’’ you asked him, still calm, full with patience for your fiancé.  ,,NO I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!’’ he yelled and threw the first thing which came across on the floor.  Unfortunately the object was a vase your little brother gave you as a present to your engagement party.  It was a very special present for you and so the situation escalated.  ,,I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I MAY JUST DISSOLVE OUR ENGAGEMENT!’’ you yelled with tears in your eyes.  Saeyoung stayed silent about this matter.  He hated the though of you regretting choosing to marry him.  But he just couldn’t make himself apologize to you.  ,,I’ve told you so many times that I don’t want any children and now you tell me that you’re pregnant!’’ he stated once again.  ,,AHHHHH I CAN’T BEAR IT ANYMORE!’’ you yelled at him.  ,,YOU’RE ILL! YOU’RE SICK AND YOU KEEP MAKING ME ILL TOO!’’ you yelled.  You grabbed your hair and pulled them with your hands.  This made him realize that you were actually really stressed.  But knowing about your pregancy was just too much. Saeyoung just couldn’t accept that even he deserved happiness, a loving family, a wife, a life without worries. 

,,You know what? Just forget it.’’ you sighted, taking the cake you did for him and throwing it into the bin.  The baby pink and blue colors mixed in the bin, making the sentence ,,Congratulations, DADDY’’ unreadable.  Saeyung could hear you sob, his heart was in pain. Just the imagination of you being sad made his heart crumble.  ,,Wait, I will help you.’’ he said and reached out for the plates on the table.  ,,Just go to sleep. I will come too but just go. I beg you. Don’t touch anything because I will hit you with it otherwise.’’ you warned him and glared at him.  Saeyoung quickly took back his hands.   Your red eyes and trembling voice made him realize how hurt you were.  Without a word he went in your shared bedroom and went to bed. 

This night Saeyoung had a dream. In reality he had, just like people say, four short dreams. People sometimes can’t remember the different dreams or even associate them but usually they have four dreams.  But Saeyoung this night had a long nightmare which seemed never ending in his eyes…..

,,Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Daddy! Happy birthday to you!’’ four voices woke up a red haired, sleepy man.  It was none other than Saeyoung who woke up due to his family’s song.  Saeyoung’s eyes flickered a few times until he was finally fully awake.  He smiled as he saw their two little sunshines, as well as his brother and you, his beautiful pregnant wife.  His twins were holding a cake, and you were carrying a few presents.  Even his brother had a drawing in his hands.  ,,But, how can that be…?’’ he asked himself. Yesterday he clearly argued with you about the fact that you were pregnant. How could this situation…? ,,Daddy doesn’t look happy, mommy!’’ the little girl suddendly exclaimed, disturbing his thoughts.  ,,We should have stayed in Uncle Saeran’s room….’’ the boy complained and looked at his uncle who’s birthday was also today.  Saeyoung’s eyes fell on your smiling face and then on Saeran’s blushed face.  Now he got it, the drawings Saeran was holding weren’t for him but for himself, a present from the twins.  ,,Idiot, you should be grateful…’’ Saeran hissed and stroked his niece.  ,,Wait! No! I’m really really happy!’’ Saeyoung exclaimed and wondered about his own words a few seconds later.  ,,Come to daddy!’’ he added.  His children happily did so and so the boy placed the cake on the night stand and hugged his daddy.  ,,Come on children, let’s prepare the table for uncle and daddy while they wash their faces.’’ you said made your children follow you. 

This gave Saeyoung the time to think about what was happening.  ,,Am I dreaming?’’ he whispered and looked at his phone.  ,,I just went to sleep and now four years already passed?’’ he asked himself.  He didn’t like the situation at all but he also had the feeling that his body was moving on his own.  While going to the living room Saeyoung actually wondered how the children were named but of course asking them would be pretty odd.  Saeyoung and Saeran entered the room together just to be surprised by a beautiful decorated table and a beautiful atmosphere. The background music was a lovely ,,Happy Birthday song’’ and the paper chain which was saying ,,Happy Birthday’’ in beautiful colors was a real eye catcher. Saeyoung really coudn’t remember the last time he saw that his living room was this bright.  A lot of pictures were decorating the walls.  Pictures of you and Saeyoung on your wedding, pictures of you being pregnant or you and him holding babies.  The most beautiful picture in his eyes however was the one behind the sofa.  You were holding the girl in your arms while Saeyoung was holding the boy. Both of you sat on the same sofa which stood there and in the background his dear friends were standing behind you.  Saeyoung cold remember having a similar picture of you and the RFA.  ,,Daddy I’m hungry!’’ he suddendly heard. The whole family except you was sitting around the table looking at him.  ,,I’m coming, dear, I’m coming…’’ he calmed her.  His heart felt pretty warm when he suddenly saw her smile.  She looked just like you, even through she had the same red hair as he and his twin brother.  Saeyoung approached the girl and kissed her head and ruffed the boys hair.  ,,Daddy are you okay?’’ he asked him sadly, making Saeyoung wonder if he never kissed his children.  ,,Yes, I am, why?’’  ,,You’re so cold to us today. Normally you always hug us and play with us…’’ the girl responded.  ,,Now now, your dad is just sleepy.’’ Saeran said.  ,,Was mommy giving you a restless night again?’’ the boy asked him and made him blush.  What were they talking about?!  ,,No, it’s not mommy but your sibling who makes mommy wake daddy up!’’ you tried to defend yourself.  ,,I can’t help myself if I have carvings….’’ you mumbled and placed down the Nutella.  Saeyoung smiled at you, so you were having carvings, huh?  The family happily ate together, the children were talking about god and the world while you were happily stroking your belly.  Saeyoung couldn’t really explain his emotions. Was this happiness….? Why couldn’t he simply stop smiling…?  The day went on, the RFA visited and celebrated the twins birthday.  Yoosung had brown hair and Jumin smiled a bit more. 

,,Did you like your birthday…?’’ you asked him after the two of you went to sleep in the evening.  Saeyoung responded with a yes and you told him that you were feeling as if he was odd.  ,,You must be imagening things, Mc…’’ he said and put his hands on her belly. He could feel the baby’s heart beat.  It was an amazing, reassuring feeling.  Saeyoung thought that he could get used to this kind of living and with the thought to wake up the next day as a happy father and husband he fell asleep…..

,,I’m sorry…..I’m sorry…..’’ Saeyoung heard in the middle of the night which made him open his eyes.  And there he saw you, surrounded by a red light in tears.  ,,M….c…..?’’ he asked you, still sleepy.  ,,I’m sorry…..’’ you repeated.  ,,What? What’s wrong…? Please tell me!’’ he begged, now screaming at you.   ,,I’m so thankful that I had the chance to enjoy so much time with you, thank you! But now it’s time for me to go, I have to….please don’t be sad….’’ you laughed while tears were still finding their way out.  ,,Wait Mc! I don’t get it!’’ Saeyoung managed to scream.  He quickly jumped out of the bed just to grab your hand, a disappearing hand.  Unfortunately he failed and suddendly everything was dark again.  ,,MC!!!’’ he yelled.  In the dark he tried to turn off the light when suddenly someone opened the door.  He prayed that this person was you and that he once again just had a bad nightmare but he was just so awfully wrong… ,,WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SCREAMING FOR?!’’ a long haired man yelled.  ,,Va-Vanderwood…?’’ Saeran mumbled looking at the man.  ,,Holy shit, just sleep you ass!’’ he hissed and slammed the door, leaving him in the dark again.  Saeyoung finally turned on the light and opened the door.  The living room was dark and cold, no pictures, no love.  His heart began to beat quickly as he reached for his children’s room just to see that the room looked just like a few years ago.  ,,SAERAN?!’’ he suddendly yelled and barged into his brother’s room just to find Vanderwood in there.  ,,WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!’’ he yelled.  Saeyoung was on the verge of a breakdown when suddenly his phone began to ring.  The RFA was writing….

,,Failed my midterms fml T_T *sending a crying smiley* 

,,Yoosung….? Aren’t you already a vet…?’’ he thought but suddenly send a message saying :   ,,Cuz u played LOLOL all night lol.’’ 

,,If you want to work for our company, you should take care of your GPA.’’  ,,I’m still on the list?! +_+’’  *sending a smiley*  ,,Yes’’

Saeyoung couldn’t believe his eyes, what was he reading? The chat seemed like the one he had years ago when you first entered the chat…. Suddenly Saeyoung stopped breathing, it didn’t just seem like that but it was indeed like that!  A few messages later he noticed that you and Jihyun entered the chat. The leader begged everyone to trust you asked him later on to make a background check on you. 

But Saeyoung already did know everything about you…  Tears left his eyes, for five days you acted as if you never knew anyone of your dear friends and they simply did the same.  Saeyoung just didn’t want to believe it but then, when you stated that you loved Yoosung, he slowly began to think that he was getting a grip of the situation.  Was this somehow a reset of your life?  Were they all playing a prank on him? Or was history repeating itself?  But even if history would repeat itself, shouldn’t you fall in love with him…?  Saeyoung saw the same situation three times, every time after eleven days the RFA seemed to forget you and you fell in love with someone else.  The first one was Yoosung, the second one Zen and afterwrds Jaehee.  Like always he got to see the same chats for five day.  You laughing over Yoosung, gossiping with Jaehee over Zen’s Musicials or admiring Elizabeth the third.  And after five days he got into a fully unknown situation, like Jumin kidnapping one of his cars.  Saeyoung couldn’t understand the world anymore.  At some point, at the sixth day after you entered the RFA for the third time he decided to ask you. 

The both of you chatted a long time.  He asked you if you actually knew what you were doing but you were just deigning the situation. Maybe this was something he shouldn’t have done because suddenly he could hear your sobbing voice.  Once again you seemed really hurt, just as hurt as the time when Saeyoung argued with you, before going to bed.  ,,I’m so sorry, I don’t want to delete this app but it’s too much….I’m not living the reality anymore!’’ you sobbed.  Saeyoung couldn’t understand anything anymore.  But then he could see you. Even through glass was between you, he could see your crying face.  Tears were falling on the glass which was separating the both of you.  And then he saw a message.

,,Do you really want to delete this app? If you delete this app all your dates within the game will be deleted as well.’’ the message said.  And before he could say anything your finger pressed the answer ,,Yes, delete’’ and you disappeared. 

,,MC!’’ Saeyoung yelled and jumped up.  ,,WHAT?!’’ you hissed back, turning the light on and looking at him with a sleepy face.   He shrieked when he suddenly saw your messy face, your eyes were red and your cheeks were wet.  It seemed as if you fell asleep crying.  A glance on the clock showed him that it was 5 AM.  ,,What happened?’’ he asked you.  ,,Holy shit, that’s what I’m asking you. What do you want?!’’ you groaned putting your hands in your face.  Saeyoung looked down at your body, you didn’t seem pregnant and you remembered him.  So, was this still a dream or was he in reality again?  ,,If you’re so traumatized about my pregnancy…..’’ you mumbled with a trembling voice.  ,,I will just go to Jaehee.’’ you ended your speech and got up.  So, he was back in reality, right?  Saeyoung observed you.  He remembered the good time he had with the twins and how beautiful it was to feel a beating heart.  And now? All he was seeing was a tired you going out because he was an idiot.  ,,I’m sorry…’’ you whsipered again with tears.  All Saeyoung could think of was the situation when you suddenly were surrounded by the red light.   His body moved on his own and he reached out for your hand, hugging you and pressing your body against his.  He breathed in your scent, his daughter smelled the same…  Out of the blue he missed his children really much…..  Maybe this nightdream was a sign for him?   ,,Don’t go, please rest, sleep next to me and never leave me or fall in love with someone else….I want to become the father of our children and live happily with you so pease don’t go….’’ he begged. 

,,Why did you change your mind…?’’ you smiled when you laid in bed next to Saeyoung. He was currently stroking your back with his hand while the other one rested on your still flat tummy.  ,,I will tell you another time….for now let’s just rest….’’

[pinkykitten]

Heaven’s Light

Marvel

Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler) x female! reader

Warning: bullies

Specifics: fluff, romance, angst, one-shot, race neutral reader, gifs, song fic

People: kurt wagner (nightcrawler) 

Words: 1,954

Summary: song fic based on heaven’s light from hunchback of notre dame. 

Authors Note: i thought about this when i was watching the movie with my sis, we r like a disney fam. its a song fic based off the song from hunchback of notre dame disney heavens light. if you’ve never heard of this song then pls do its sad depressing but so good and if u never watched the movie pls u rlly need to. also i imagine the gif below would be kurts expression to when he first meets you. prepare urself for a whole lotta fluff and romance and just agh cuteness! 

(not my gif! do not own!)

So many times out here I've watched a happy pair Of lovers walking in the night

They had a kind of glow around the

It almost looked like heaven's light

Kurt felt left out no matter where he went. Even some mutants bullied him for what he looked like. He thought he was a monster. Just once all he wanted was for someone to understand him, to accept him for who he was and what he looked like. He was lonely. 

He peered around the cafeteria, the study rooms, everywhere. It seemed as if someone had somebody. They had a companion. Kurt was just left out. All by himself. He started to feel that maybe it wasn’t those folks fault but his. Maybe he was the problem. 

As he glanced out the window he could see a couple walking together. Hand in hand. Kurt almost felt tears rush into his eyes. “Vhy can’t I have zhat?” He always wondered as the sadness consumed him. 

I knew I'd never know That warm and loving glow Though I might wish with all my might

Kurt had tried many times to get a friend. He did all the things a friend ought to do. He was kind, looking out for the other one, charming, but still nothing worked. If he got an inch close to any one they would put on a disgusted face and walk away horrified. Or they would laugh at him, laughing until they cried. But he did so too. 

Almost every night he would go to his room and just cry and sob until he fell asleep. All he wanted was to have a companion and maybe if he was lucky a girl to call his love. He’d wish and hope and pray. 

Kurt would look in the mirror and just feel disgust, he loathed the way he looked. 

“Vhy vould anyone vhant to be vith me?” He touched his face with his hands, tears entering his eyes and spilling onto his cheeks. “No face as hideous as my face. Vas ever meant for heaven's light.” He fell onto the floor and just sobbed, longing for love. 

But suddenly an angel has smiled at me

Kurt was walking down the hallways and that is when he bumped into...you.

“Oh I’m sorry, please forgive me! Es tut uns leid (sorry).” He felt so flustered and was waiting for you to scream or run away. Instead you helped him with his books that had fallen. 

You chuckled, “Its okay, I sometimes bump into others as well its no biggy. Are you okay though, you’re not hurt right?”

Thats when Kurt looked up at you and his heart stopped beating. He felt like his world had just stopped. You were the most beautiful girl, person, he had ever met. It was like an angel was looking down on him. He was love struck. He stared in awe at your beauty and everything that you were. He became bashful and started to stutter. 

“The names y/n l/n, whats yours?” You stuck your hand out as you gave him his books. 

“Uh uh uhm m-my name is Ku-Kurt Vagner, some call me-”

“Nightcrawler? Oh my god you are so cool! I’ve heard so much about you! I’ve like seen you in action though, you’re pretty rad I gotta say.”

He was shocked, usually people would of ran away screaming or frightened but you were different. Instead he could see that you were shy and bashful as well. “Zank you, I zink you’re very beautiful.”

You almost choked with how precious this boy was, “Hey Kurt you think you’d like to come with me to the library? Even if you don’t read or don’t like it we could think of something else to do.” You gave him a heart warming smile and all he could feel was butterflies in his stomach. It was as if he were being blessed right there with such a angelic creature. Kurt gave you an akward smile, “I vould veally like zhat actually.”

And kissed my cheek without a trace of fright

You and Kurt were inseparable. Every waking moment you two were together. He was like your other half. You two went on so many dates together. It was a match made in heaven. 

It was a special night. It was a couple months into the relationship and Kurt wanted to do something spectacular for you. 

He made it so you two had a beautiful dinner by the water at a nearby restaurant. He got you your favorite dessert after words. He was so nervous, thinking you might not enjoy the night or you might not enjoy his company. 

“Y/n I I vould like to show you somezing.” He took a huge gulp as he took your hand and guided you to the surprise. You were so excited and truly loved Kurt. 

As he stopped he took his 3 fingered hands off your eyes and whispered into your ear, “you might look now mein Engel (my angel).” 

You opened your eyes and there before you were a whole show of sparkling, colorful fireworks. Taking a huge gasp you stare at all the beautiful wonders. Kurt takes in your face and his heart almost explodes like the fireworks. How much you adore and are mesmerized makes all the hard work that he put to make you happy so worth while. 

“So, do you like it?” Kurt stutters as his eyebrows knit together. 

You feel a tear slip down your cheek. No one has ever done anything like this for you. It meant a lot. You looked into Kurt’s direction and at that moment you wanted to always be with him no matter what. He was yours and you were his. 

Kurt is frightened at you crying and starts to freak out, “meine Liebe (my love) please don’t cry. I’m sorry if you don’t like it.” He put his hands out to touch your face and wiped your tears away. 

You shook your head, “no baby, I love it. And I love you.” You stood on your tippy toes and gave Kurt a kiss on the cheek. Kurt sucked in a breath and held it in. He could feel the flutter of your eyelashes as they danced across his cheek. Your lips felt so delicious on his skin that he wanted you to stay there like this forever or have your lips all over him. 

“Kurt you’re crying!” You went normal and stood there worried about your boyfriend. 

Kurt chuckled and tried to wipe his tears away but instead you wiped them for him. “Yeah I guess I am. I’m just so happy to be vith you. You make me so happy.”

You beamed and kissed his knuckles, “you make me happy too.”

Your arms ended up wrapped around his waist with your head placed gently on his chest listening to his heart beat. You two watched the rest of the fireworks together in love. 

(not my gif! do not own!)

I dare to dream that she Might even care for me

Today was the day, the most important day of your life. You would be getting married to the love of your life. The day started off beautiful, you put on your dress and greeted your bridesmaids. Everyone from the X-Men and others were there to support you and Kurt. It was almost like a dream. 

You put on your dress and did your hair and makeup. As you walked down that aisle your heart seemed to burst at the immense love you had for that other being at the end of the aisle. The song played loud and you could see from your veil Kurt was crying. Tears of joy at just how beautiful you looked. Seeing him cry made you cry and you smiled seeing the love of your life. 

As you made it there you could hear whistles from your friends. 

“Ach du lieber Gott (oh my god), y/n you look so gorgeous my love. I can’t believe it, is zhis vreal, you look just beautiful.” Kurt said as like a prayer as he took your veil off. You chuckled and looked down bashful. Kurt lifted your face to meet his eyes and he raised his brow and gave you a wink and mouthed, “you’re also very sexy.”

You shook your head and tried to stifle your giggles. 

It was onto the vows and you went first, “Kurt the moment I met you my whole life changed. I knew that I wanted to be with you every single moment after that. When I look into your eyes all I see is beauty and braveness. You are so courageous my love and even though life might have pushed us away fate seemed to bring us together, I am so thankful for that. I knew I wanted to no, I knew I needed to be with you when it was getting hard to breathe when I didn’t see you or when I wasn’t with you. My life is not the same without you, my life is not worth living without you Kurt Wagner. I am so lucky to have you as my soon to be husband and I can’t wait to spend more beautiful memories with you.”

Kurt was a mess. His tears were uncontrollable. He thought all his life that he wasn’t good enough and now you showed him that he was, he was enough and he did find someone who truly loves him. You kissed his hands and placed them to your cheeks.

“Y/n, first off I love you so much that I can’t even zink in English or even in German. I love you so much. I vas vanting someone like you to come into my life. I vas praying hoping to find just someone vho liked me, vho didn’t run avay from me or get scared of me. God must of veally liked me because he did not just give me anyone no he gave me an angel. So precious and so amazing that sometimes I feel as if I do not deserve you. My life has changed so much since I met you. It has changed for zhe better and you have changed me to be a better person. Every day zhat I live is for you, every time I get up when I get down in a battle I get up and vant to keep living because of you. I vant to see you happy and vant to see you, zhe vision of you in my mind makes me keep on going. My soul does not beat for me anymore it beats for you. You have me y/n, my love you veally do have me and I give myself to you. I give myself, everyzhing I am I give to you. You are my life, my everyzhing. I can’t go on living, can’t go on breathing if you are not there by my side. My life would be meaningless vithout you. So you have me mein schöner Engel (my beautiful angel) you veally have me.”

You two were a crying mess, as you two were announced husband and wife your lips met and it was like heaven. It was all perfection. 

And as I ring these bells tonight My cold dark tower seems so bright I swear it must be heaven's light 

You rested on Kurt’s lap after the wedding. The bells chiming, ringing signified that you two were married, that the love you two shared has become one now. You leaned your forehead against Kurt’s and kissed his lips slowly, “I love you Kurt.”

Kurt giggled and kissed you deeply, “I love you too y/n Vagner.” 

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415, @dirbel, @marwantr, @divaanya, @wassupitschloe, @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag)

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[starlight-matrix]

Nabari no Ou 15th Anniversary!

@nabaridays wrote up some prompts to celebrate the 15th anniversary of NnO and as it’s my favorite manga series of all time, I had to join the fun!

Unfortunately, I wasn’t aware of the prompts’ existence until we were about four or five days in, so instead of starting in the middle of the prompt list, I wrote all mine up in a Google Doc and decided to do a big masterpost in the day of the anniversary. And here it is! Beware for a lot of reading, this shit’s at 4.1k words.

- Catherine Lynne / catielynnelove.tumblr.com Fan of NnO since 2012 -

DAY 01 (Jun. 3rd) - Favorites

My favorite character has always been Miharu, though I do struggle to choose between him and Yoite. I have always been fascinated by his apathetic nature, the way he uses is as a shield while loving the people in his life so incredibly fiercely. He appears neutral and uncaring, but the moment you look beneath the surface, you recognize that he would give his life for those he loves in a heartbeat - and has shown this on multiple occasions.

I also love his development over the series. His apathetic facade slowly falls out of use after he meets Yoite, and he learns that feeling your emotions is important, that letting the people you love know when you’re happy or sad or pissed the fuck off is important.

In the first few chapters we as readers honestly can’t tell a whole heck of a lot from what we’re shown of Miharu. He’s plain, uninteresting, even to us (unless you’re the kind of person who automatically reads between the lines, but let’s face it, not a lot of people are). But by the end of the series, he’s such a vibrant and expressive character that I marvel at Kamatani’s ability to drastically a character’s personality in a way that feels so gradual and natural.

Another reason Miharu is my favorite character is because I tend to see parts of myself in him, as many people do with the characters they like most. I can understand and relate to his apathy in the beginning of the story. His memory of his parents deaths is so deeply traumatic and that the very fibre of his being (objectively, Shinra) locked the memory, and most of his childhood, away for years to come. Because at that time in his life, the pain of it all would’ve broken him.

(E/N: I now remember that Asahi actually erased Miharu’s memories of that event, but I think a good chunk of this will still make sense, and I’m lazy, so I’m not gonna edit it out. Enjoy.)

Emotions, especially ones he didn’t understand - or couldn’t understand, like his feelings toward his childhood that didn’t quite make sense because of his augmented memories - were simply so overwhelming that Miharu pretty much just went “lol don’t wanna deal with those so yEET now they’re gone” and locked them up in a box to be dealt with at a much, much later date. That speaks to me, as a person who has struggled with depression, and the fact that he finds a way to recover from this is very reassuring.

Overall, Miharu is a very complex and realistic character that undergoes more vivid character development than I’ve seen in almost any western media. I love him very much.

DAY 02 (Jun. 4th) - What got you into Nabari no Ou?

This is actually quite a funny story, so buckle up for a wild ride y’all!

When I was 12 years old (God, this sounds like the setup for an angsty villain backstory), my family had a housemate who liked anime. One day I came to beg for him to let me use his video game console to play Little Big Planet and he happened to be watching the second half of the anime - I distinctly remember the second Alya Academy episode being the first one I ever saw. It was my first anime experience outside of a Studio Ghibli film, and to this day remains close to my heart, even though the anime adaptation itself really… just… well, it sucked.

After I finished watching it with him, I went and found the first half of the series on Netflix (back when Netflix did the whole send-a-DVD-to-your-house thing) and watched the whole thing from episode one. And then very quickly became obsessed. I probably watched the anime four times in two months. I had every single one of the English VAs names memorized. I was dedicated.

Eventually I looked up the manga online, and HOO BOI, this is the point where my Nabari no Ou origin story becomes ridiculously hilarious (and stupid).

When I read the manga, I was disturbed by the idea of Kouichi being a villain-type character, as he had been one of my favorites when I watched the anime. And, at the time I was first reading the manga, the apparent “ending” from my perspective was the scene where Kouichi takes the newly-made hijutsu scroll from a bleeding, dying Thobari.

Looking back, I figure the website I was reading it on just didn’t have all the chapters, or perhaps I had happened to start reading while the manga was on hiatus, but at that age I didn’t know of or understand either of those concepts and accepted that sad scene as the end of the manga.

And as such, I wrote the manga off as terrible and ignored it for years.

Flash forward to about 2014, two or three years after writing the manga off as a Fat Mistake, I finally decided to give it another shot. And BY GOD did I cry reading it a second time. Whether it was the two years of maturity, my experiences during those two years, or simply the fact that I read the whole thing that time - I was sobbing in my desk chair over NnO.

It was the most beautiful story I’d ever read. Even now, after five more years of reading beautiful manga, Nabari no Ou remains my absolute favorite, and likely always will.

DAY 03 - What are your favorite scenes?

I’ve always had a soft spot for the Alya Academy arc, even back when all I’d shunned the manga and all I had to go off of was the inaccurate anime adaptation, simply because of how well the character relationships are shown during those sequences (this is one thing the anime did really well in my opinion, actually - Shijima’s verbal reflection on how humans connect to each other and how important those connections are is stunning). Not to mention the displays of how the characters care for one another regardless of what side of the war they’re technically on.

I’ve always loved Subaru as a character, too. I find her motivations to be very realistic and really quite understandable, and I love the little easter eggs in later chapters that imply the Kouga ninja are helping Miharu’s side of the fight even though they’re not visibly involved. The scores from the Alya Academy arc are especially chilling and memorable as well.

Another of my favorites are the chapters following Miharu and Yoite’s escape from the Kairoshuu and their travels afterward. They feel mundane and peaceful, yet blanketed with this layer of grief, like we’re all aware that at any moment their calm could be destroyed and lost forever.  

The scenes about Yoite’s gender were very special to me as a teen still learning about the LGBT spectrum and how different people could be, and the scene of Yoite bandaging Miharu’s aching feet? My heart literally swells every single time I think about it! It was so sweet and loving, my fragile fangirl heart does flips when I read over it.

DAY 04 (Jun. 6th) - Photos & Fashion

I like to think that Miharu keeps every photograph he’s taken and has them stored safely away in a box or chest or drawer. In my experience, people who have lost loved ones tend to treasure photographs, more than someone who hasn’t experienced loss might. A lot of times a photo is all someone has of someone they loved outside of a memory, and contrary to popular belief, if you don’t look at someone - physically or in a photo - for a long time, you do forget how they look.

Miharu has lost many people: his parents, Yoite, Kouichi and Shijima, even Shinra, in a way - so I imagine this observation would be doubly true of him. Especially if he has Yukimi as an example to go by - pretty sure that guy has kept every photograph he’s ever taken in his life!

(As far as fashion goes, I honestly think everyone’s fashion in NnO is horrendous, so...)

DAY 05 (Jun. 7th) - Favorite character design in the series?

Gosh, it’s hard to choose, I love so many of them! Gau is fascinating to me because I figure his hair must be difficult to draw, with all those little curls and cowlicks. Shijima’s too, with the way it frames her face and leaves just a tiny little opening for her eyes to peer out at you through.

But, as with most of these character-specific prompts, my answer will have to be Miharu. The idea that Asahi reshaped his face to look more like her own when she used Shinra to save him is very interesting, and the fact that Kamatani manages to draw Miharu in a way that both clearly shows their resemblance to one another and establishes Miharu as his own character with his own unique features and gestures and ways of carrying himself is incredible.

Miharu’s stance are also very telling to me as a reader: he often stands loosely, almost lazily, as if he really couldn’t care less about where he is and what they’re doing, which rings true for a good chunk of the story. It matches well with his (mostly) fake apathy and kind of makes him seem bland and boring as a character. But as the story progresses, he becomes more open, shows affection more easily. He’s quicker to stand up for his beliefs and the people he loves. All of this shows in the way he carries himself throughout later chapters.

DAY 06 (Jun. 8th) - Favorite location in the series?

The Shimizu estate, without a doubt.

The secluded area, the forest in every direction, the house itself - it’s all so beautiful to me. Ot gives me the feeling of rural Japan and more traditional Japanese living. Even after the house has burned away and all that’s left is a field full of Spider Lilies, there’s a kind of sober beauty lying over the place, made even more intense when Shirogamon stands watch over it.

DAY 07 (Jun. 9th) - Positive Influences

The thing that I preach about the most when I talk about NnO to others is the fact that the series has no absolutes. There is no true right or wrong, no clear villains nothing that actually puts our heroes above anyone else. Which, in a way, means that are really are no heroes in the story at all, which is a very rare and interesting way to tell a story.

The entire series deal with a greyscale in morality. There’s no bad vs. good or moral vs. immoral, just your own goals and people whose goals don’t match yours. Opinions and ambitions differ vastly even between people on the same side of the fight - Thobari and Raimei want to seal the Shinrabanshou, Kouichi wants to use it to defeat his immortality, Miharu even changes side on a few occasions - yet they all work together together to achieve their own very different ends.

Even those who can be coded as villain on the surface have something motivating them to do what they do, and more often than not, those motivations are understandable to the reader and actually have you sympathizing with the character. Hattori wanted to rid the world of the need for war. Subaru wanted to save the person she loved most in the world. Yamase wanted to win his family back (I think? It’s been a while).

Even Katarou and Kannuki, two characters who have practically nothing to redeem them, at least have motivations that are pretty damn realistic. Kannuki wanted to capitalize on Kouga’s Forbidden Art and use it to grow Alya Academy’s profit and power through the surface world. A Lot of people are like this in real life, and while you may not sympathize with him over it, it is a motivation that is true of our own world as well as the one in this story.

An Katarou, as far as I understand, is obsessed with Shinra herself, rather than the hijutsu and the power it holds. He manipulated hundreds of people and hundreds of situations to suit his own needs, then literally got himself killed - just to see her one last time. And… yeah, I don’t think anyone really sympathized with him, but hey, I can see what pushed him to do what he did.

To me, Katarou is symbolic of someone with an addiction - their mind is so clouded by a need for some specific thing that all other human aspects of that person just fall away, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want.

I also appreciate how the characters handle their differences throughout the story. Their honesty with each other, the way they support each other even when they’re all heading in opposite direction. The Alya Academy arc (I really love this arc okay) especially shows this, in how the ninja from Banten and Kairoshuu - two very opposing factions - fight together against the Kouga without hesitation, despite the fact that in most other situations, they’d be fighting each other.

It’s a wonderful thing to promote: that even though people might have different opinions or goals, it doesn’t mean they have to hate each other.

DAY 08 (Jun. 10th) - Favorite Extra?

I am IN LOVE with the little between-chapter 4koma pieces, especially the ones from the Alya Academy arc (God, I’ve talked so much about this arc). Subaru fantasizing about Miharu being her little brother and making her birthday cake? Adorable. Miharu and Yoite getting stuck behind a bookshelf and terrifying an opponent by asking for help out? Hilarious.

I love that Kamatani put those in, both as a peek into happier aspects of the world he created, and as a way to add a bit of sun in between the much darker, much sadder chapters.

DAY 09 (Jun. 11th) - Headcanons

I’m not much of a headcanon person, to be honest, and especially not with this series. It feels off to me, to try and add to something that’s already so perfect. However, I do agree with a couple of headcanons I’ve seen - particularly the ones theorizing that Yukimi is aro-ace. It makes a lot of sense to me in how his character is portrayed when nearly every other character in the series has a romantic match, and as an ace person myself, more representation is always welcome.

DAY 10 (Jun. 12th) - Alternate Universe

I once started (and quickly abandoned out of shame) a very cringey, very out-of-character fanfic, in which the Nabari world didn’t exist and all the characters meet through natural means in the surface world. Other than that, however, I’ve not put much thought into Nabari no Ou AUs.

But something I would LOVE to see is a crossover between NnO and Shimanami Tasogare, as the two stores canonically take place in the same location - NnO being in Banten, a fictional town  based on the real town of Onomichi, and Shimanami Tasogare being confirmed to take place in plain old Onomichi itself. It’s been a while since I’ve read Shimanami Tasogare, but I remember the leader/owner of the little house the cast gathers in as giving me a distinctly Nabari-world vibe, and I think it would be interesting to see the NnO characters react to a community like the one presented in Shimanami Tasogare.

(And also perhaps have some romantic relationships and sexualities proven canon. Perhaps.)

DAY 11 (Jun. 13th) - Favorite song from the OST?

It’s a firm tie between the opening theme and the second ending theme. I have every song in the OST memorized after years of hearing them day in and day out, but those two themes always give me this tingling nostalgic feeling, like rereading a book from your childhood or finding a toy as an adult that you’d thought was lost forever. The animation and symbolism in those themes are also very telling of the series and the character’s connections to each other (a bit obviously, at times), and the lyrics are special to me in a way I can’t describe. They’re precious to me, and  to me experience of NnO as a whole, considering I started with the anime first (a bad idea).

DAY 12 (Jun. 14th) - Are there any songs that make you think of NnO?

“Neopolitan Dreams” by Lisa Mitchell ( X ) ( X )

I once watched a cute Raimei/Kouichi AMV set to this song listened to the lyrics, I understood how the author had put them together. I very much feel like the lyrics echo Raimei’s thoughts on how Kouichi starts to act in later chapters, becoming more and more distant until he almost appears to be an antagonist rather than one of the perceived heroes. The song also makes me think of Raimei’s stubbornness and pride, her unwillingness to accept option besides her own conclusions until she’s had the full story and nothing less.

I can never get their faces out of my head while listening to this song, which I guess means the song reminds me more of Raimei and Kouichi than NnO in general, but it still counts, right?

DAY 13 (Jun. 15th) - Food

I’ve never really thought too hard on it, but now that I am, it’s actually very interesting to note how different characters use food - the Rokujo Okonomiyaki shop, in particular - to their advantage.

Thobari uses his (implied, before the start of the overall plot) regular visits to try and get Miharu to believe him about the Shinrabanshou and the Nabari world. Thobari uses the close proximity to explain his motives to Miharu, who physically cannot leave the situation, lest the food burn to a damn crisp (and I figure Naoko wouldn’t be pleased if that happened every time Thobari came in). He also very clearly uses this to keep tabs on Miharu when outside of a school setting where Miharu has no choice to be in Thobari’s sight, and later, as a way to either catch up on what’s going on in the Nabari world or - as in several cases - simply demand answers from Miharu.

Raimei uses the shop as a way to get closer to Miharu. She charms her way into getting free food (and sometimes, free lodging as well) and I assume her thinking is probably something on the lines of “Free Food + Spend Time With Miharu = Information on Where Raikou Might Be.” Of course, this likely isn’t her motive in later chapters, because, well, character development.

Food is also an important bonding thing for Yoite and Yukimi. In a lot of the scenes where we see Yoite and Yukimi in their home, they’re eating together, and I always took it as a display of their familial relationship - cooking dinner for Yoite the way a dutiful older sibling would for their younger sibling - thoughI doubt either of them would admit they’re like brothers. The significance of lemonade should also be noted for this topic - I could go on for ages about it.

(But I won’t unless people ask me to, because this piece is long enough already!)

I don’t have much memory of this scene being as big a deal in the manga as it was in the anime - but I also haven’t seen either in a while, so I could be wrong - but the birthday cake scene from the latter half of the anime left an impact on me even back when I’d only seen the anime, and it was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the prompt was “food.” Gau’s pride in the cake he made and his determination to get any kind of praise out of Yoite is very touching, especially when you take into account that Yoite literally saved Gau’s life, and that Gau knows this, as well.

The Kairoshuu - particularly Yukimi, Raikou, Gau, and Kazuho - are all shown bonding on more than one occasion at Kazuho and her husband’s sushi shop, and there is significance to those occasions in the rather heavy conversations they have during those visits. And there’s also the time Miharu cooked okonomiyaki for all the main Kairoshuu member after he’d first joined their clan - similar to how a recently hired employee would bring cookies for their new boss.

Food has a lot of significance in Nabari no Ou, no matter where you look.

DAY 14 (Jun. 16th) - Favorite village, and thoughts on the Forbidden Arts?

As far as morals and motivations go, I would have to choose Banten, as their (or at least Thobari’s) main opinion is that the Shinrabanshou shouldn’t be used because it throws off the balance of the universe. I definitely understand this opinion, because a lot of things can go wrong if the wrong kind of person is making wishes to Shinra and having them granted.

Although, I think that if anyone were to use the ability in a way that leaves the balance of the world intact, it would be Miharu, and this is even shown in the series itself. He doesn’t have the kind of greed or anger that would taint a person’s motivations when making their wishes, he just wants to do what is best for others- especially Yoite. Yoite is important to him, and therefore Yoite’s wish is also important to Miharu. And, as we see in later chapters, Miharu puts granting Yoite’s wish above even his own happiness. I feel I would make a similar decision were I in his shoes.

(For aesthetic, though, I’d choose Fuuma. Their village is hidden and surrounded by forest and in that lovely traditional Japanese style, and their uniforms are great. If Saraba were Chief I’d join.)

DAY 15 (Jun. 17th) - Favorite minor/supporting character

Gau! Definitely Gau! Gosh I love him so much. He’s optimistic and tries his best to look for the best in situations and in people, and his smile is so freaking sunshiney, I bet he lights up rooms with it. He’s awkward and quirky and I can relate so hard. But he’s also strong? He stands up to other ninja even though he really doesn’t have the physical ability to defend himself or others. He puts his life in danger to tell Raimei the truth about her family immediately after swearing silence to Raikou, his boss, who could 100% kill him if he found out Gau had broken his promise. And I bet you Gau would’ve told Raikou about him telling Raimei as soon as he’d gone home, if the bullshit at the Shimizu property hadn’t gone down the way it did.

And speaking of that scene- he throws himself in front of Raikou’s katana to save the life of a girl he hadn’t known for more than a day, who had threatened to kill him, who was seeking to kill the person he treasured most in the world. Who does that?! Gau apparently. He literally gives his life for just the possibility that Raikou and Raimei can make up and be happy siblings again. He gives his life so that the person he loves can maybe reconcile with someone else they loved.

He makes a conscious effort to include Yoite in conversations in which he would otherwise be largely ignored, and while I doubt Yoite would care either way, it’s the thought that counts, right? And, at least in the anime (it’s been a while since I read the manga) he puts his life on the line to help Yoite and Miharu even though, as I said before, he can’t really defend himself all that well.

Basically, I’m in love with Gau and want him to be happy. Sweet baby!

DAY 16 (Jun. 18th) - Free Day

I don’t really have anything else to say but I’m posting all of these today (I was late for the original posting by like four days so I figured I’d write them all out and post them together) so I’ll count this as my day 16 entry! Thank you so much if you’ve read this far, I know it was probably daunting to look at this long as fucking post but I’m glad you took the time to read my personal reflection on NnO! This manga means a lot to me and it’s nice to discover other people who love it as much as I do (I’ve literally met two people in my entire life who’ve read it without me suggesting it).

Keep the love going y’all, I hope to see you again! And feel free to hit me up if you’d like to talk about NnO, I’d love to connect with other fans! Seeya owo

[survivingdomesticviolencenpd]

Eyes Wide Open

I wish that I could tell you that our story is unique.  I wish that there were not others in the world like us who have suffered at the hands of an irrational person.  I wish that I could say that the law protects victims and advocates for the accountability of the abuser, but that would not be accurate.  It is sad to say that there are too many victims and even those that work in the field of domestic violence, child abuse, and animal abuse will tell you that the system is not designed to protect the victims.  That they are way behind with the legislation that support the victims and justly ensures that the abuser will be legally punished for their crimes.  This ultimately leaves the abusers able to continue the cycle of abuse and the victims are left jumping through hoops to seek action against their abusers which too often results in dead ends.

If you would have told me 7 years ago that this is where I would be, I would have told you that it wasn’t possible.  I thought that I had finally found the person who made me feel as if things had come full circle and our family was complete.  Everyone liked him.  They thought that he was charming and charismatic.  A single father and medically retired Marine who had served in Afghanistan and had been injured when an IED had exploded in a car at a check point during an escort.  He exhibited signs of PTSD and survivor’s guilt when he talked about this incident as he had watched two of his men turn to “pink mist” in a matter of seconds in front of him.  He spoke of having to be airlifted to Germany and brought back State side for surgery and recovery in North Carolina with the assistance of the Wounded Warrior Program.  He said that he didn’t feel right being surrounded by Marines who had been injured worse than him when his injuries were not as severe as theirs and from all outward appearances he looked unharmed.  Only to finally return home after 2 years of being away to find that his wife had been cheating on him, had left him for this other man, and hadn’t paid any of the bills while he was out of the state.  Leaving the bank to foreclose on their marital home and for him to have to file bankruptcy because of the debt that she had incurred in his name.  It was an absolutely heartbreaking story.  It made me want to work with Veterans in the VA and help people just like him.  Six years later, after I had left, I would find out that his stories were not quite as he had depicted them.  Yes, he had been in the Marines, he was medically retired due to an injury that he had sustained during a training exercise, and he had participated in the WWP, but he never was overseas while enlisted, he never was injured by an IED, and his first wife left after he had assaulted her for the last time in front of their toddler.  She had to be medically treated and obtained a year long protective order against him.  Unfortunately, she did not have the courage to press charges for the assault since he continued to stalk her and threaten her for years to come.  Imagine my shock when I learned that he had done this before.

We had been married for several months before things started to happen.  First, he would lock me in the bathroom and ask me to tell him what I had done that day.  I would tell him that I got up, got the kids up, got the kids ready for school, dropped the kids off, went to work, left work to pick up the kids, came home, made dinner, and cleaned up.  He would say, “I know what you did today.  I just want to hear you tell me yourself.”  Again I would tell him the same thing and he would calmly say, “Just tell me what you did today.  I want to hear you say it.”  I would repeat myself over and over and over until the tears were running down my face.  I would be sitting in a corner of the bathroom floor with him hovering over me.  So close to me.  Blocking my exit.  I would tell him that I didn’t know what he was talking about.  This would go on and on and on.  Some nights, we didn’t sleep because he was adamant that he wasn’t letting me out of the bathroom until I confessed.  It got to the point where I gave him full access to my email accounts, my social media accounts, and my phone just to prove to him that I had nothing to hide.  I thought if he had complete and total access to everything that it would prove how dedicated I was to our relationship, how much I loved him, and that he could trust me.  Yet this didn’t keep him from installing a tracking app on my phone or using Bluetooth to track me through my car or even making up stories to have my friends, co-workers, and classmates give him information about where I was and what I was doing.

It wasn’t long before I deactivated my Facebook account because he had gone through every single message I had on there since I had opened the account in 2009.  He questioned everything.  What did this mean?  Who was this person?  When did I go there?  Who was with me?  He would tell me that it wasn’t that he didn’t trust me, but that there were a lot of people who I couldn’t trust.  Even people that I had gone to school with were deleted from my social media if he didn’t think that they could be trusted.  Then I stopped going to photography sessions because he could not always attend them with me as some photographers did not allow an audience or significant others to be there during the photo shoot.  He said that we must have something to hide if he wasn’t allowed to attend every single photo shoot.  He would tell me if I loved him, I would want to spend more time with him making memories of us and less time doing things that shouldn’t be as important to me.  It just became easier to stop doing the things that I loved in order to prove my loyalty to him.  Part of it didn’t make sense.  All the things that initially attracted him to me were now things that he didn’t want me to do.  I thought that I was being an obedient and dutiful wife when in reality I was giving him complete control of my life and losing my own identity in the process.     

Then came the first time he put his hands on one of my children.  My oldest son and I heard this clamor coming from the dining room.  We both ran in to see him crushing my son’s larynx with his forearm to the point where he was losing color in his face.  I screamed, “What are you doing?  Get off of him!”.  He said, “He raised his fist to me.”  I said, “I don’t care what he did.  Get off of him, he can’t breathe!”  When he finally let go of him, he had also ripped off several of his toe nails since my son was not wearing any shoes and he was wearing boots.  My son went into his room and his step-father immediately started making excuses.  “I am sorry.  He raised his fist to me and my training took over.  Muscle memory kicked in and it was a knee-jerk reaction.  I didn’t mean it.  It was an accident.”  He was so sincere that we all believed him.  Yet things like this kept happening until Child Protective Services showed up on the front porch asking questions about him putting his hands around my youngest child’s neck.  What did we do?  Did we stand up to him and be honest about exactly what happened?  No.  We all down-played the incident.  Said that my youngest son had exaggerated the events.  Why?  At the time, he promised to get help.  To go see a therapist. To do better.  Again, we believed him. I couldn’t see that we were stuck in the vicious circle of domestic violence.  I thought my love and desire to get him the help that he needed was enough to get us through any storm.  I didn’t realize that it would keep getting worse and worse with the honeymoon periods getting shorter and shorter.  Not until the last time that he assaulted me and someone outside of the home called the police.  That was the last time he put his hands on me and my eyes were wide-open to the monster who stood before me, not the man that had waited at the end of the aisle to marry me.

[diego-hargreeve2]

light in the dark

Part Seventeen

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (Netflix)

Ship: Diego Hargreeves x Original Character

Warnings: Language, abuse (emotional and physical), mental illness, violence and, in later chapters, smut.

            Chapter Specific Warning: Poorly Translated Spanish

“Eh, Diego - cómo te va?” How you doing?

“Todo bien. Vienes a la pelea la próxima semana?” All good. Are you coming to the fight next week?

“Si, si - hazme dinero - tomar una inmersión para mí”. Yes, yes - make me money - take a dive for me.

It was a brief conversation between the two men, Diego, chuckling and relaxed as he threw the comments out while walking, but it had Evie’s eyes widening curiously. He lifted one arm, waving his hand dismissively at the comment, his other still wrapped through her fingers as he led her down to the boiler room. No sooner had they left the floor of the gym and she had to ask.

“What was that?”

“Hmm?”

“What language was that?” Eve asked him. She only knew English, and rarely heard other languages often enough to even reliably identify them. To hear Diego speaking, his accent and tone shifting so much, was intriguing – and attractive.

“That’s Spanish. José’s English isn’t so great” he explained.

“I didn’t know you spoke Spanish” Evie said, perching on the edge of the bed.

Diego shrugged, sitting down to unlace his boots. The Hargreeves children had been taught multiple languages – Spanish, French, German, Russian – as part of their extensive education. In truth Diego wasn’t entirely sure what their father’s intent was by teaching them so much, given that it didn’t seem he was planning to have them seek out careers and much of the knowledge forced into their heads seemed to have little relevance on missions. He still knew enough of the others to get by in a brief conversation, but Spanish was the one he’d kept and continued to learn.

“My Mom named us based on where we were born. She found our birth certificates. I was born in Mexico. Learning Spanish – eh, it made sense” he said.

In truth, Diego had a feeling that it didn’t make sense. It was unclear what the genetic result of the Event that created them was but given that none of the seven resembled the others that closely Diego had assumed they inherited ethnicity from their mothers, if nothing else. He told himself he didn’t care. The woman who gave birth to him sold him, and never been in contact since, so it shouldn’t matter – and yet Spanish came naturally to him and came in useful. Speaking the language had come easily to him, sometimes he could even express himself better than in English.

“Have you ever thought about…the woman who gave birth to you?” she asked, curious since he’d brought the topic up, but careful not to describe her as his mother. She knew how much he loved Grace. Even the way he talked about his childhood when it touched on her was different to talking about other members of the Hargreeves deeply dysfunctional family.

“No” he said bluntly. She knew him well enough by now to know that the tone he used wasn’t aimed specifically at her and she didn’t shut down like she might have in the past. Instead she waited, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees.

“We were sold. Did you know that?” he asked, glancing over. He’d read Vanya’s book – well, most of it, but its contents made him too angry and he couldn’t remember how many details were included. Eve nodded very slightly, silent and waiting for him to continue.

“The woman who gave birth to me – all our mothers – they sold us to Reginald. Like livestock. They sold their own children to a man they didn’t even know, who called us by numbers based on how useful he found us”. There was rage clear in his tone. This was not something Diego had forgotten or forgiven.

He hadn’t met his biological mother – none of the seven Hargreeves siblings had been in contact with their birth mothers. They were all handed over at just a few days old. It wasn’t a story Reginald dwelt on, he didn’t sit them around the fire and share it as some heart-warming tale of how the family came to be – all Diego knew was that the women had been compensated and the rest he had constructed. That didn’t mean he was any less bitter about the account. Kicking the boots off he glanced over at her, something seeming to occur to him and pulling him out his thoughts for a moment.

“You knew yours though” he said. It was a presumption, it wasn’t something they’d discussed much, but Eve shook her head.

“No. She….” For a moment she hesitated before continuing. “When I was just a toddler…she killed herself. She hung herself in the same shed they made me sleep in when my powers kept manifesting” she admitted. The tragic story recounted in such brevity pulled him out his thoughts of a woman he had never known, and he stared at her, incredulous.

“They made you sleep in the place your mother killed herself?” he repeated, and she shrugged.

“No wonder I kept having nightmares” Eve joked, attempting to make light of the situation. Prior to Judith hanging herself it had been a storehouse. It was emptied, least her sin taint and spoil their provisions, before a metal bedframe was put in the space and a lock on the outside of the door so it could contain Eve. Many nights she had stared up at row of hooks on the wall, wondering exactly which one her mother had used to anchor the ligature she put around her neck.

As she got older, she had debated doing the same thing herself.

“But…she must have been scared. Yours too…all of them” she pointed out, her voice soft. “I mean…I know you don’t know anything about the woman who birthed you…but my mother…” She paused, gazing off the side, her expression dissociated from her surroundings even as she continued to speak to him. “My mother was a seventeen-year-old virgin, one-minute kneeling and praying, the next screaming and in labour. I was told she was very devout. To have lived your life by so many rules, truly believing you were in the presence of God’s own messenger…and then to believe you’ve given birth to the Antichrist, and to have done so out of nowhere….”

She couldn’t bring herself to hate her mother. It wasn’t her fault. Eve was a decade older than her mother had been at the point of giving birth, out of nowhere, and she knew far more about the world – not to mention she didn’t have faith to lose. She had many more advantages and still couldn’t imagine how she’d cope with a pregnancy out of nowhere. Judith was a tragic figure, not the villain of her life.

Diego stared at her, at the softness and sadness written all over her face, stunned at the level of compassion she displayed. Her childhood had been every bit as bad as his, and in very different ways their mothers had left them at the mercy of cruel men who weren’t equipped to act as fathers, and yet she had none of his rage. It was a long moment as he stared at her, genuinely amazed at her ability to demonstrate empathy despite the life she’d been subjected to, and she gazed into space and wondered about a woman she had no memory of.

Returning to the present she looked over at him and flushed slightly.

“I just…I don’t think it’s ever right to sell a child. But I can’t even imagine…I’m sorry. I’m not excusing her”. Diego stood up and walked over to her, his fingers pushing back her hair, tips of the digits grazing the side of his neck as he shook his head, a slight smile, the anger of before disappeared. Eve wanted to keep that way, wanted to distract him from unhappy memories - and figured out a way to do it.

“Say something else” Eve asked him. He looked curious and confused in equal measure. “In Spanish” she clarified.

“Why?”

“I just…I like the sound of it”. Even without knowing what he was saying there was something about the flow, like a type of music, and his accent as he spoke…it was very attractive.

“What should I say?”

“Anything” she insisted.

“No sé qué decir” he admitted with a chuckle. I don't know what to say.

He moved to sit beside her on the bed as he spoke. As soon as he was beside her Eve dropped her legs, her knees falling against him, so she was half on his lap. She inched herself even closer, her gaze on his mouth as she spoke.  The fact she couldn’t understand a word, couldn’t even guess the meaning, didn’t bother her. What she noted was how the tone of his voice shifted as well as the accent, the way his mouth made different shapes than he used when speaking English, his full lips fascinating her.  

“Keep going” she urged. “Say something else”.

“I’m not a performing monkey” he told her, rolling his eyes. Evie pouted for a moment before shifting, throwing a leg over him to straddle his lap in a way she knew he found hard to resist. Her hips pressed against his, feeling his hands slide to her thighs immediately, her hands rested on his neck as she kissed him softly.

“Please?”

He considered for a moment, looking up at her, the loose curls of her hair falling around his face as though they were curtained off, in their own little world.

“Eres preciosa” he murmured after a moment. “Mi propio ángel”.

It was close enough to the English that she could guess at least part of the meaning and she flushed, flattered and shy and nervous all in one. Evie hadn’t yet learned how to take compliment – and while, on the one hand, she loved to hear him say these things, part of her couldn’t believe him. It felt too fragile, like his view of her could shatter at any moment and he’d realised how flawed she was wrong and look at her differently, no longer with that soft gaze.  

Diego recognised her reaction and had his own thoughts on why she struggled to hear these things – mostly based in the fact that she didn’t see herself as he did, and after a lifetime of poor treatment didn’t believe she deserved the kindness. It gave him an idea though of how he could satisfy her want to hear him speak Spanish and compliment her as much as he wanted.

“No tienes idea de lo guapa que eres” he murmured, leaning up to kiss her. “No puedo describir cómo me siento cuando estoy contigo. Me haces querer ser una mejor persona”.

You have no idea how beautiful you are. I can’t describe how I feel when I'm with you. You make me want to be a better person

“What did you say?” Evie asked, shifting closer to him again and he slid his hands from her thighs to her hips and higher, gripping the curve of her waist.  

“You’ll have to learn Spanish to find out” he teased gently, leaning in to kiss her.

i dont speak spanish hence the ‘poor translation’ warning, but i do like listening to david castenda speaking spanish in interviews. 

@mrsdiegohargreeves @carryon-doctor-lock @lovinglydiego @klausbutgayer @reblogserpent @me125 @fatbottomedcurls @rhymesmenagerie

[iamconstantine]

RWBY EPISODE 12: I’M GOING TO WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE TONIGHT WHY NOT

* Oooooooohh boy this teacher...Thisss teacher * So there’s been a Faunus revolution and a war for their rights, but I’m guessing they still don’t have every right they should. There were mentions of another civil rights protest in the first ep and the White Fang so it’s more like a step towards full equality than anything. * I would like to thank the teacher for asking if any of the Faunus kids have been discriminated against while stopping in front of the only visibly Faunus girl in class. /s * This is where the black silhouettes kind of become a problem. The joke of all the students turning their heads to follow the teacher only sort of worked because the silhouetted students weren’t doing it. The kid who raises his hand to the discrimination question is just a black shape, so I can’t even see his Faunus traits. * Also there was a girl sitting next to the bunny girl and she just vanished but whatever it’s not that big a deal * I like this guy’s VA. He has a lot of energy * Cardin’s face is just so punchable * Nora looks so cute in her uniform! * The line about repeating destiny gives me the feeling that Cardin is going to become a full-on villain eventually. * Also there is ridiculous irony in that the guy who hates Faunus is named after a bird * Pyrrha is having none of Cardin’s crap and I love it * Oooh the music is nice here * Have you ever been having such a rough time that your friend brings you up somewhere high so you can jump off the edge * Pfffffft Pyrrha pulls him away like he’s actually gonna do it * Pyrrha is officially best girl.

* I understand how Jaune’s a little hurt by this but he has to face reality. He’s just not as good as everyone else and that might get him killed one day. * There’s a new layer to this conversation since it’s between Pyrrha and Jaune. Pyrrha is pretty much the #1 Beacon student leveling with him. She’s not using her experience or skill to say “even *I* have trouble sometimes!” she’s keeping him equal with her and everyone else * The “I don’t belong here line.” Always sad. Usually true. * Man I really feel bad for Jaune...Like he can’t just give up and call it quits but Beacon’s not being easy on him. Every class, every fight is beating him further and further down * I--?! Okay Jaune really doesn’t belong here I guess?!? * Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh * Man...so this retracts a lot of stuff I’ve said about Jaune before. Boy literally has NO training, no experience. It’s like he’s been hired at a job he has no experience in * How, exactly, does one fake transcripts to this degree, though? If he’s been doing such a bad job, surely Ozpin or Glynda would have checked his records to make sure they were correct by now. Plus “I got my hands on them” seems seedy * On top of just wanting to be a Hunter, Jaune also has one of those family legacy problems. Again, another trope I see often, but it’s heavier here. This is a world full of monsters and only so many people are brave enough to fight them. I imagine it must be hard having a family line of world-known heroes and just not live up to them * On the oooother hand I can’t 100% what Jaune’s doing, because A) Beacon is a school that doesn’t pull any stops, so on top of just being unable to keep up with it, Jaune could get himself killed, and B) Jaune got admitted into Beacon by lying while everyone else genuinely tried and trained. For as much as he wants to be a Hunter, he hasn’t done too much of the work to deserve a place at Beacon, even if he’s trying now * “I don’t want to be the damsel in distress, I want to be the hero!” Jaune. My boy. My man. You aren’t. You just aren’t.  * The line about being the lovable idiot is yet another expectation subversion. I’ve seen Jaune’s character before: character not nearly as skilled as everyone else, kind of a coward, more of a problem than a help, but still “lovable.” Most other works don’t really touch on this, but when the “lovable idiot” character is aware of their place, it’s really hard accepting that the kindness and support given by your friends/teammates is always layered on top of pity. * Jaune physically recoiling from Pyrrha actually hurt to watch * *Cardin crawls over onto roof* Me: 

* SERIOUSLY CARDIN JUST GO AWAY NO ONE LIKES YOU. YOUR MOTHER DOESN’T LIKE YOU. * You mean to tell me Pyrrha and Jaune just had this super loud conversation on top of the DORMS?! * IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN * I said last episode that I felt like it was only developing so much but this episode is probably my favorite so far. It gives more insight to Jaune, develops his relationship to Pyrrha, and sets up a new problem with Cardin. * I also cannot believe that of every show I have ever watched I have never before felt such an intense hatred for a character as I do with Cardin * I know this opinion isn’t universal, but I think Jaune is made sympathetic while not coming off as too pathetic. He shouldn’t have faked his transcripts, he shouldn’t have lied about everything, but he is well-meaning and really wants to succeed, even if he’s not willing to accept help yet * Miles Luna’s voice acting while Jaune was lashing out really threw me off. I really felt the anger coming out of Jaune * BTW these recaps/analyses/whatever are MILES LUNA/JAUNE ARC HATE FREE ZONES. One of them is a fictional character and the other is one of the writers of the show who just so happens to provide the voice. Like seriously I understand criticizing writing and not liking a certain character but some of you act like Jaune/Miles came into your home, shot your dog, and ate all your Doritos. C H I L L  * Anyways this episode was really good bye

[creative-type]

The Murder of Arthur Wright XIX

First Previous AO3

Chapter Nineteen: The End, and Several New Beginnings

Time passed. Margot returned to work, spending her days with lesson plans and contemplation. While the Academy didn’t practice anything as barbaric as separating the pupils by gender, she wondered if any of her students had suffered from the same pressures as the Wright children, whether forced to study magic against their will like Felix or held back from their true potential like Abigail. Margot had always had an open door policy with her students, but after witnessing the self-destruction of the Wright family she vowed to take a more proactive approach. Maybe, just maybe, she could make a difference.

On her next weekend off, Margot stopped by the Red Griffin Inn. She arrived early in the day, and situated herself away from the few customers who were waiting for their breakfast. Anansi was nowhere to be found, their trademark magic absent as Gudrid busied herself with the morning chores.

Margot had been sitting perhaps fifteen minutes when Gudrid approached her. She asked in her thick accent, “You be needing something?”

“Only to tell you that we found Desdemona, along with her sister,” Margot said in a low voice that only Gudrid could hear. “The case is closed.”

The orc wiped her hands on her apron and slid into the chair opposite Margot. Though age had robbed her of some of her strength, Margot could clearly see the muscles in her forearms as she lit her long pipe.

“All this time we were trying to get information from Anansi, when we should have been asking you instead,” Margot said wryly.

“The best storyteller knows ven to stay silent. Vas not my place to speak.”

“So it’s true, then,” Margot said. “Mr. Westmacott had you help those girls.”

“Vestmacott ask if I vould consider helping. No one tell me vat to do,” Gudrid said. “I see, and I decide vat best.”

“And what did you see?” Margot asked.

“I see two girls whose story just begun. Vether vould be tragedy or not, do not know. Very alone. Very scared. But courage to valk own path.” Gudrid blew out a slow stream of smoke that took on the shape of two small elves and an orc that had to be Gudrid herself. One of the girls gestured emphatically to the other as if begging for help, while the orc gathered them both up in her arms. Gudrid sighed, and the image dissipated into nothingness.

“I no see Abigail after dat night. Is best to hide. But Dess stay vit me for many months. She very angry for long time. Sad, too, and feeling guilt. I tell her anger is two-edged sword, much goot can be done ven veilding, but also much harm. The fire that temper svord burns the vood.”

“My mother said something similar,” Margot said. “The same water that softens the potato hardens the egg.”

“Is goot saying.” Gudrid took another long drag and regarded Margot, her black eyes cautious. “People are remembered by actions. Some try to hide behind mask, but alvays falls avay in end. I make sure Dess know only she can be in charge of own actions, and own story.”

“Reputation is a man’s greatest mask,” Margot quoted, wondering if Anansi had heard of the saying from his former teacher.

“Is true, but is also not true,” Gudrid said. “Truth vants to be told, and it finds a vay to come out.” She rose to her feet as the bell above her doorway rang, Dash sauntering inside as he looked for Margot. Gudrid stepped away from the table and said so quietly Margot wasn’t sure she was meant to hear, “One vay or another.”

Dash and Gudrid shared a respectful nod as they passed, and Dash took the place she had vacated. There was something about him that seemed different, for all that he still wore his silly coat and chewed on his ever-present strip of jerky. It took Margot a moment to realize the change wasn’t in appearance, but in bearing. Dash always gave the impression as a mellow and easygoing, but now he seemed truly relaxed. He tipped his hat at Margot, a grin spreading across his face.

“You ready, Prof?”

“Are you?” Margot countered.

“Hey, for your information  I just closed a pretty big case,” Dash teased. “Paid off my rent and everything. The client was a real bear, though.”

“Was she now?” Margot said, eyebrows raising.

“Yeah, real slave driver. Wouldn’t give me a moment’s rest, told me my magic was rubbish to boot. Can you imagine the indignity?”

“Well it’s true,” Margot said. “You said Westmacott was a mage himself. Didn’t he teach you anything?”

Dash shrugged. “Maybe he was going to someday, but he wanted me to learn detective stuff first. Too many people rely on magic as a crutch and don’t know how to, you know, investigate. I got some books, though. Learned some pretty good tricks.”

“You’re going to need to know more than a few tricks. Come on, you big lug. Time for your first lesson.”

Together they left the inn. “Hey, Prof, do you mind if we make a quick pit stop?” Dash asked.

“How long of a pit stop?” Margot asked.

“Not long, promise. I there’s something I want you to see.”

He refused to say any more no matter how much Margot pestered him, and was silent as he led her down the bustling street. Margot knew a lost cause when she saw one, and they fell into a comfortable silence that was only interrupted when a newsboy grabbed Margot by the arm.

“Hey lady, you seen the paper?”

Margot opened her mouth to politely decline, but promptly shut it again when she saw the boy’s cheeky grin, dark eyes glittering with amusement. “Good to see you again, Professor.”

“Anansi?” Margot asked.

“Hush. Someone might hear.”

“I thought you had left already for your next show,” Margot said.

“It was worth staying to ask Desdemona one last time to come along,” Anansi said.

“I don’t think she much likes the idea of being pushed into anything,” Margot said, eyes narrowing.

“It’s not like that. I’ve traveled enough to know when someone’s been struck with a wanderlust. I want her away from this pit as much as she wants to leave, but something has been holding her back all this time.” Anansi grinned, the expression looking somehow wrong on the face of such a small child. “But this time she didn’t say no. There’s some business for her to attend to before she can travel, and so I must be patient. Perhaps I’ll have better luck next time. Oh, and do look at page three, darling. I think you'll find it interesting.”

And with that Anansi melted back into the crowd. Margot and Dash shared an astonished look and hurried to the nearest bench. There was nothing of particular interest on the first page of the paper, nor the second, but on the third stood a stark black headline that made Margot gasp.

Master Arthur Wright, Framed or Fraud?

“Felix leaked his father’s letters to the press,” Margot said, skimming the article as fast as she could. “Or at least some of them? I don’t see anything here about Abigail.”

“No, but there is the correspondence between him and that dean from the University. What’d you say his name was, the guy with the drath?”

“Master Hughes,” Margot supplied. “You know, I didn’t think Felix had it in him to oust his father.”

“Really?” Dash said.

Margot tore her eyes from the paper to look at him. “You did?”

“Well, there's no love lost between the two of them, and besides, do you remember what Felix said before he fired me? He said he hadn’t gotten drunk since before his sons were born. I think that’s the sign of a man who’s trying to change.” He scratched the back of his head. “Not that I don’t think he’s not a giant blowhard, but I’m not surprised that he’s trying. I think his wife is good for him.”

“Hopefully it works out better for him than it did his parents.”

Margot folded the paper for later inspection, and the two resumed their walk. It didn’t take her long to realize where Dash was taking her, and in a few short minutes they were at the park where she had learned of his past with the Casettis.

“I quit my job,” Dash said suddenly. “I’ve decided to go out on my own.”

“What?!” Margot exclaimed. “Since when?”

“Since I’ve had some time to think. I’ve been clinging so hard to Mr. Westmacott’s name, even though Harris has done everything to drag it through the mud. I can’t do what I need to do there. It’s time for me to start out on my own.” Dash took a deep breath, suddenly nervous. “It helps that I’ve already got my first client as an independent. His purse strings run pretty deep, too.”

Margot followed his line of sight, and did a double take when she saw Felix Wright sitting at a bench with his wife while Desdemona played with her two nephews. Even from a distance Margot could hear James and John’s screams of delight, as well as Desdemona’s clear laughter.

“Trying to be a better person my @$$,” Margot said. “You let Felix hire you? After what happened last time?”

“The money’s good,” Dash said with a shrug. “And it’s worth finding out if Master Wright really did steal research from his students, and if the University let it happen just because he was brilliant. If one Professor got away with it, there’s likely more. That’s not right.”

“Wright has done a lot of things that aren’t right.”

“Heh.” Dash’s grin returned, bigger than ever. “Do you have any idea how hard it was not to make a pun during the big summation? Together many Wrights make a wrong. I think it would have ruined the moment.”

Margot scoffed. “It would have done more than that. There would have been a line of people wanting to smack you, starting with me.”

“I’m glad I resisted then. Oh look, there’s Abigail. Why don’t you go over and say hi?”

Margot regarded him suspiciously, but went over to the tree where Abigail Wright sat alone, within watching distance of her family but not participating with them. A notebook was open on her lap, but it looked to have gotten little use as she watched her sister chase her two young nephews.

“May I join you?” Margot said softly.

“Hello, Professor. I don’t mind, so long as you don’t care about the dirt.”

Abigail’s eyes never left James and John, an expression of yearning on her face that she made no attempt to hide as Margot settled in beside her. The ground was cool and dry, with only a few beams of sunlight filtering through the canopy, leaving a dappled pattern that shifted as the breeze swayed gently through the leaves.

“I think Desdemona likes the idea of being an aunt,” Abigail said ruefully. “It suits her.”

“It suits you both,” Margot said.

“James and John were babies the last time I saw them. I used to be so afraid they would cry when I held them, but they never did. I feel like I’ve missed so much.”

“But you’re on speaking terms with your family?” Margot asked.

“Only Felix and Isabella. We…talked. Or at least Felix and Dessy talked while Isabella and I moderated. We’ve come to an agreement: It stops with us. Felix’s children, and any potential children Dessy and I might have, shouldn’t have to suffer like we did.”

“And what does your mother think about that?” Margot asked.

“Mother isn’t speaking to Dessy and I. I don’t know if she ever will.” Abigail looked down at her hands. “But Felix has inherited the estate, and if Mother wants to stay there she has to play by his rules. I don’t know how that’s going to work.”

“It looks like you’re off to a good start,” Margot observed.

“It helps that Felix offered to have one of his business contacts make me false papers,” Abigail said. “That, and agreeing to look into Father’s letters bought quite a bit of goodwill with Dessy.”

“I saw the paper,” Margot said. “That’s quite the scandal Felix’s has invited.”

“It depends on how you look at it. Yes, it reflects poorly on Father and the family name, but I think Felix is going to try to play the long game by building his own reputation as the one who exposed it.”

Margot hummed thoughtfully. “I noticed there was nothing about Master Wright’s theories."

Abigail began picking at her fingernails. “I asked him not to, just like I asked him not to falsify an identity for me. Technically it’s seven years before a missing person is declared legally dead. Dessy doesn’t want anything to do with her family name, but…I’m still a Wright. I want to be known as Abigail Wright.” She looked up at Margot worriedly. “Does that make sense, Professor?”

“It does.”

“I’m not ready for the backlash of when the academic community finds out about Father’s theories,” Abigail admitted, the lines in her face deepening at the very thought. “I have to suffer through coming back to life again, and that’s enough. But maybe…maybe someday.”

She fell silent, and Margot leaned back against the tree. There was something about Abigail that still bothered her, something that Margot felt like she had to say. Maybe Dash knew that, and that’s why he sent her over to speak with her.

“I know we’re basically strangers, and I hope you forgive me if I overstep a boundary, but are you planning to keep translating Elvish romance novels now that you’re a legal person again?”

“For now,” Abigail said. “I truly do enjoy writing, Professor, and it’s something that I came into on my own. There isn’t much about my life where I can say that honestly.”

“That’s fair,” Margot said, “but speaking as a mage, your magic is your own, too. It doesn’t belong to anyone else, least of all your father.”

“That’s what my healer said at the asylum,” Abigail said. “The hurt is still there, Professor. It’s too soon after Father’s death to think…” She cut herself off abruptly, and drawing a shaky breath, she said, “I used to think about what I would do if my magic came back. Did you know, when I was small I asked Father why it was that bread didn’t unbake when put into an icebox even though it baked when put in the oven. He never could come up with a satisfactory answer. Have you ever heard of such a thing, Professor, as unbaking bread?”

“I haven’t,” Margot admitted.

“It’s the most silly, frivolous thing. I knew my father would be irritated if he ever knew, but I’ve never stopped wondering if it could be done. I have lots of questions like that running around in my head without any answers. It's maddening, sometimes, living in my own head.”

“All discovery starts with a question, and the courage to try to answer it,” Margot said.

Abigail nodded solemnly. “And even if my magic doesn’t return, you don’t need to be able to cast for theory work." She paused, the line between her eyebrows deepening even farther. "The only thing I’m certain of is that if I did pursue magic again—and that is a considerable if—it wouldn’t be Teleportation. Let someone else take up my father’s torch. I don’t want anything to do with it.”

A rare smile tugged at the corner of Abigail’s lips, and she risked a glance at Margot. “All that being said…if you were looking for someone to proofread your next paper, I would be willing to consider it.”

Margot laughed softly. “I’ll be sure to take you up on that.”

It was simplest, in the end, for Dash to have his first lesson in magic at the park. It was a nice day, and before Margot could even consider teaching him any spells there were the basics of theory and control that had to be learned. It went better than Margot could have expected, with Dash proving to be a surprisingly quick study. Midway through their lesson they took a break, and Margot saw Felix and Isabella gather their children to leave the park.

Even from a distance the goodbye between Desdemona and Felix was an awkward thing to behold. For all the progress that had been made, it would be a long time before the Wright family was healthy and whole once more.

“I think they’re gonna be okay,” Dash said as Isabella took the hand of one of her boys and Felix the other. They made it maybe ten steps before James (or was it John?) twisted around to wave one last time at Abigail and Desdemona.

“It’s a start,” Margot agreed. “And in the end, I guess that’s all you can ask for.”

[whipplefilter]

what if fillmore died or was killed by something after getting into a really terrible close to friendship ending argument that leaves everyone feeling horrible after with sarge before the two could make up? how did fillmore die? how does sarge cope with the grief of losing his very best friend?does he feel like it was his fault even if there was nothing to do to control it? did he have any regrets? how does everyone else react? what were fillmore's last words? how did the funeral go?

As unlikely as it might seem, all of these ideas are addressed in some form in this fic. Warnings: major character death, PTSD, grief/trauma. Just remember, anon–YOU asked for deathfic!

Fic: Tripmaster

All cars die alone. That’s just the way it is.

Maybe your engine blows, or your battery dies. Maybe it’s something less dramatic–you’re getting your suspension replaced, and the mechanic leaves the garage but you’re not ready. Maybe you’re in the desert, and something breaks. Timing belt? And you’re alone.

You can’t move.

But see, you’re a car. You are motion. You are an assemblage of parts and you are meant to move and your engine is meant to pump and your fluids are meant to run and you’re supposed to move through your gears and generate kinetic, electric, everything heat–you are a machine and you are a spirit and if you are not that machine, if you are not that system existing in that car-ish way of yours, then your spirit cannot stay.

If you are alone, then no one can call for help. There is nothing to remind you what you are, and your spirit unmoors. Give it enough time, and it leaves.

Your parts can be replaced, and your body repaired. But your spirit is a delicate thing, and if it loses the pulse of your machine-ness, then it departs.

And so do you.

That was always the threat, back in the war. Sarge remembers the POW camp, and marching through the jungle to get there. The hot breath of it as the humidity ate at their canvas and surely other, deeper things besides. It wasn’t uncommon to overheat, or flood.

We will march you until you break, their captors threatened.

Then we will leave you. And you will die alone.

There are days when the memory hurts as much as the death march had. On these days, Sarge separates. He becomes one young soldier in the jungle and an old one in the desert. He folds all his fear and pain into this young Jeep and he abandons this younger self in time. He leaves his anger in another version of himself, patrolling the halls of the VA past door after door of broken promises and robberies of war.

He leaves his happiness sometimes, in a frozen version of himself he’d give the world to never have to leave like that: A Sarge full of laughter and precious memories. But these memories he cannot take with him without also taking memories of death, and so he abandons them too. Perhaps it’s better this way, though. The pain he leaves behind should have something bright to keep it company.

Sarge closes his eyes and he accepts that sometimes the only way to live through pain is to desert it. Cover its grave.

Pain isn’t supposed to happen here, though. Not now. Not in Radiator Springs.

But here he is at a funeral in the desert.

He pushes sand over the grave, just like everyone else.

He buries his best friend.

It wasn’t supposed to be Fillmore.

Lizzie will probably live forever, but he, and Doc, and Sheriff–they each had some sense of their own mortality.

Sarge had 20 years on Fillmore. He was never supposed to be the one to bury him.

Sarge stands sentry above Willy’s Canyon, staring out at Willy’s Butte as the sun comes down over it. It goes warm red, purple. Catches fire with a spirit all its own.

He thinks, Fillmore likes bonfires.

Maybe in some past, with some cautiously jubilant Sarge (whom Sarge must leave now, must bury with all the rest), Fillmore still does.

Maybe he still does.

It’s 2011, when Fillmore dies. In a few months, Sarge will turn 70. (Fillmore never will.)

Lightning just turned five. Sarge doesn’t remember what it was like to be that young; it’s possible he never was. By five, Sarge had seen a World War won and many, many lives lost.

Lightning’s never even thought about death before. He’s acting like he just rolled off the line.

“Why was he out in the desert?” Lightning asks, brow furrowed and heart broken. “Why was he alone? What did he say to you? Did he tell you?”

The question Lightning really wants to ask is Why is Fillmore gone? but he’s at least old enough to know that there is no good answer to that one. There never is.

Truthfully, if Radiator Springs knew why Fillmore had been out in the desert alone like that, it would destroy them. They might never recover.

“Are you annoyed with all these questions?” Lightning asks, when Sarge stays silent.

“We had a fight,” Sarge answers truthfully, even as he knows he shouldn’t.

They’d had a fight, and that’s why Fillmore had gone out to the desert. That’s why he’d wanted to be alone. Why no one had been able to find him in time.

“It’s my fault,” says Sarge.

“No, it’s not,” says Lightning.

It is, though. Lightning means to be kind but the only reason his insistence comes so quick and so urgent is because it it is any other way, Radiator Springs could not hope to handle it. The town is made of gentler things than truth. And so, it can’t be anyone’s fault their friend is gone. The world could never be that dark.

But Sarge is not five. He is not fifty. He remembers the Bataans and the Koreas and so very many horrible things this one sweet town could never dream. And it’s his fault that Fillmore is dead.

In his dream, Sarge drowns in a vortex of water. Then he’s awake in the sky, high above the canyons. His vision is crosshairs–he’s a bomber. No, surveillance. He’s an aircraft. He’s flying high above the canyons, red gray orange, and in his head, Fillmore corrects, “it’s more of an ombre burnt sienna, wouldn’t you say?”

He is looking for Fillmore.

More to the point, he is finding him.

Sarge could have found him, if he’d taken to the sky. If he’d been born a plane, none of this would have happened. He could have saved his friend.

It’s his fault.

He should have been born a plane.

Every night, Sarge dreams of flight.

It’s his fault.

Imagine him, in the desert alone. He has to know he will die; Fillmore’s always been very attuned to such things. He’s seen drugs rip spirits from bodies; he’s seen rust do it, too–poverty. Bullets. Fillmore knew death, perhaps even better than Sarge. (Sarge, who splits it away from him. Locks it away until it comes howling back, scraping at his door. It’s what they’d fought about, that day.)

He’s in the desert, alone.

Sarge can’t imagine any more than that. he He can’t imagine Fillmore’s last words, last thoughts. What peace he’d made during his last few moments, under the sun and moon in the desert. All Sarge can think about is he was alone.

He was alone.

He was alone.

He was alone.

–and we will leave you here to die.

Fillmore died alone.

Sally’s headed to the county seat. She has to file the death certificate.

“Whoa, alone?!” Lightning’s panic is evident.

Sally starts to cry.

Sally doesn’t want to think about it. She doesn’t want to be afraid. She wasn’t want to remember that Fillmore is gone and it’s the desert–their desert!–that took him, even though her errand is his death certificate and that means of course she has to think about it. She’s like Sarge in that way; she needs to be apart from the reality of that. Just for now. Just to keep her head above the sorrow.

Lightning’s not like that at all.

This is something the two of them probably cannot understand, but they’re not good for each other in this moment. Probably neither of them want to think about that, either. It feels like everything is falling apart.

“Stanley and I were never married, you know,” Lizzie says out of the blue, or maybe not. It’s hard to tell with her. Sometimes it feels like stories get knocked out of here like they’re dominoes in a line.

It shouldn’t matter. Married, not married. Here’s the town and there is Stanley’s statue, which Lizzie loves so much. But today it feels sad, and it feels like everything falling apart.

Because Radiator Springs is meant to be happy and its founding myths are of romance, of passion, and bliss. But Fillmore is dead and under that cloud, even the small things feel like a miracle tumbling down. Turning to dust.

Sally does not go to the county seat.

Sometimes when Sarge dreams that he is flying, his engine stalls. He spirals down and down and down.

As he falls he thinks, this is unforgivably sad. He is going to die, and Fillmore is going to die, and the whole town–this will destroy them.

This is all so unforgivably sad.

Then he wakes up. He’s not dead.

He is still unforgivably sad.

Maybe one day, Sarge will wake up and the town will wake up and there will be a rhythm to their lives again. This is probably true. But it’s not true today, and when Sarge wakes up he’s sucked into a sea of overwhelming dread. Not that there’s anything to confront today but its emptiness. It’s just so, so impossible to think realistically about a comfortable future because today is not fine, today is not good. Tomorrow won’t be either. And that feeling is inescapable.

Today, it does not matter if it’s going to be okay or not.

‘Going to be’ won’t buy you nothing.

Today, this pain is endless. The logic of time, the future, eventualities–none of it matters. Loss does not care about logic.

So Sarge drives out to the desert. Sarge drives to the place where they’d found him. Where they’d found his body. It’s just a stretch of dirt like any other, somewhat off the road. Maybe it had been a good place for stargazing, or sunset contemplation. To Fillmore, one night, some weeks ago, it had been a nice place. It had been a place he’d wanted to be. Now, of course, it’s haunted.

Sarge is certain it had not been where Fillmore had wanted to die.

Sarge is not alone.

When he leaves, due east, Radiator Springs follows. Together they cast long shadows down the road, one meeting the next until they form a jagged, spindly crack of shadow that stretches from town to the place–that place–and together they live in their grief, which cannot be outrun it cannot be skipped over it cannot drift gently away from its dock.

Maybe one day, this will pass. Tonight, that future does not matter.

When Sarge dreams that night, he is flying.

[travelitalianstyle]

10 Italian Phrases to Inspire You in the Next Decade

It’s that time of the year again. Christmas, my birthday, and New Year’s. The perfect time to reflect on the past 12 months. This year is extra special as we will end a decade. So much can happen in 10 years and there is no better time to be inspired. That is why I thought it would be interesting to share some idiomatic phrases and quotes in Italian to bring us into the next ten years and 2020!

I hope you find this interesting and motivating. And if you can please comment below with any lessons or phrases you would add here! Buon Anno / Happy 2020!

1.    Nelle botti piccole sta il vino buono

This was a phrase I heard the most in the past 10 years from Italians.

My height is just about 5 feet. Therefore, I am always getting reassurance from the Italian’s that “good things come in come packages.” ;) Or their way of saying it “in a little bottle comes good wine.”

 MY ADVICE: Appreciate who you are and don’t get offended by people’s strange way of showing their way of interacting with you. Most people don’t think before they speak (I mean come on let’s get real). And most of the time they have no idea that they are insulting you! So just go with that.

Sure, there may have been time I may have felt offended by the fact that someone is commenting on my height (which can be frustrating as a foreign woman in business). However, now  I embrace it. And I usually respond by saying I am a 375 ml of Tignanello (one of the best wines in Italy) ;).

2. A Caval donato non si guards in bocca

This basically means to take life and all of its happenings as a gift even. Even, if it seems of not much value at the time. If someone gave you a thought (physical) present that you didn't appreciate how would you react? You would smile and make the best of it right? So why not do that in your actually everyday life.

MY ADVICE: We are often set on having things go in the way that we imagine. Then we sometimes miss the other beautiful ways it has shown itself to us.  I look back in my life and realize so many small gestures and even happy and difficult happenings that brought me to where I needed to be at that time. I am only appreciating the now. If I would have seen them for what they were at the time, then I probably would have saved myself some pain and stress.

So to sum it up, whenever you feel like life is happening to you. Stop and see if it is actually happening for you!

Note: The actual translation is something about looking at the Horses teeth instead of the number of teeth he has. ;)

3.    Chi va piano, va sano e va lontano

This one is a favorite. “The person who goes slow will go far.” We know this saying also in English but things always sounds better in italian HA!

The most interesting I found as an entrepreneur is this. You must have patience, gratitude, and strength. You need to have focus and to stay focused on what you can offer.

MY ADVICE: Stay the course. YOUR course. The most important aspect of my life is that I am pretty confident in my path. I am intuitive and creative enough to stay with the trends yet stay true to who I am.

But I know this easier said than done. And I do understand that with social media it seems like the world is ahead of you (ALL the time). But don't even waste your time worrying to see if it's authentic or not authentic posts. Just worry about what you are doing and trust your own journey.

PS: That can bring us to another saying "l’apparenza inganna (which basically means appearances can be deceiving.” So try to stay focused on you.

PPS: I share more on my journey and how you too can spend 6 months abroad here.

4. Be a Persone per bene or Buono come il pane

This one is simple. Be a good person. Or quite literally as good as bread, especially fresh bread out of the oven. We all love that!

My goal has always been to be true to not only myself but the people. Especially those that have lifted me up along the way. If you have helped me, I will pay you back. I am not necessarily talking about monetary wise. I am talking about by being loyal to my best ability.

I have discussed this way too many times. But it was always sad for me for that I have been surrounded by so many people who felt it was right to steal or cheat their way head. But that is life. And they will succeed too. So let them be. But even with all the tough things you see around you it is so important to still be an honest, good person.

MY ADVICE: It can be tough but do you best to be kind to people as much as people, stay honest and (going back to #3) staying true to you! Being can only lead to good things. Even if it takes time.

Additional Phrase To Add On: Che per vendetta mai non sanò piaga - Revenge never healed a wound. So don’t even waste your time on that!

5. L’amore domina senza regole

This simply means love without rules. However, funny enough, I haven’t learned this yet. HA!

But it’s my goal for the next decade. Since my last breakup I have not allowed myself to love or be loved in a long time. And I bet I am not alone in this. That is simply because I was hurt pretty bad, like many of you. Then when I did open up my heart again it didn’t quite work out. Which left me feeling closed on the idea of love…again

MY ADVICE: There is nothing wrong with you. It’s ok to hold out for the right person and the right time. But it’s also ok to follow our heart, even if it does not make complete sense at the time. Loving without rules, even when it hurts, may lead you to your Principe azzurro (prince charming) or principessa for men. :)

6. Non puoi insegnare niente a un uomo. Puoi solo aiutarlo a scoprire ciò che ha dentro di sé

This is an interesting reminder from Galileo. He says “you cannot teach a man anything, you can only help find it within himself.”

Let’s talk about giving advice. Unless you are asked don’t give it. Or in Italian you can use the nice way of using mind our own busines, Badate a’ fatti vostri  HA!

MY ADVICE: Sure, your friend may be in a bad relationship, taken the wrong job, spending their money in the wrong way. Maybe you are more organized and successful and you are watching people in your life go downhill. SUPPORT the people in you life but do not try to CHANGE them or their lifestyle. You can only give advice when advice is asked. And once you give don’t harp on them not taking your suggestion (that is your ego talking my friend). If you are having a tough time listening to them hurt themselves over and over. Then I suggest you be open with them and direct them towards the proper person (therapists, relative, or book) that could be of assistance. Explain that it hurts you too much and you only want the best for them. People must fall forward So help him find himself but do not teach or lecture. But you can only extend a hand and hope.

7. Se non hai mai pianto, i tuoi occhi non possono essere belli

If you haven’t cried, your eyes can’t be beautiful.

I love this quote by Sophia Loren. Someone best explained it as this. “if we have not cried we have not experienced true depth.”

Yet, I believe almost all of us have had those one of those days. Whether we admit it or not. We have been down on our knees praying to whatever god we know. Asking for helping. To get us through the pain we are currently going though. I know through these times it can seem endless and hopeless. But don’t give up!I

MY ADVICE: If you look at crying as something that makes you beautiful (physically and mentality) then maybe (just maybe) it will help you get through the next tough time. Because almost all rain showers come a rainbow.

8. La mala compagnia è quella che mena gli uomini alla forca

Quick translation: Bad company is what brings men to the gallows.

 In life we often feel pressured to stay around people and places because it’s “right.” We put our own emotions aside and move forward thinking “I will just deal with it because I HAVE to.”

MY ADVICE: You do not HAVE to do anything. Just so you know, while I have many friends. I lost many too. In fact there are a lot of people who do not like me and I do not like them. And you know what? That is ok!

I do not think we should be judged by our biggest list of friends or acquaintance. Who cares anyway?!

 I value my clients, friends, colleagues/partners by the type of relationship we have. As much as possible I keep the people around me that are good. And if I can’t avoid someone completely (do to work, living situation, etc.) then I separate myself from their energy. Who deserves your presence and who doesn’t? Start thinking!

9. Ancora imparo

And following number 8, I will segway into this phrase which translates to: I am still learning.

MY ADVICE: Be forever a student. Stay humble and keep learning, researching,  being a creative. You can do this by reading, traveling, or even inner work. This my friends, is the key to truth growth in life and spirituality.

10. Siamo al mondo per essere veri, non perfetti

We are in this world to be real, not perfect.

My last advice for you to head into the new decade is just this. Be the best you as possible. Whether you receive recognition for this or not. Keeping being your authentic self. As I mentioned in my TEDx Talk this is the way to freedom.

And really let go of the fact that you have X amount of followers, likes, etc on social media. That means zero in the grand scheme of life. So please do not choice to act or be a certain way for this.

If you are not sure then sit down and go deep within.

How do you know if you are doing the right thing or being your authentic self. Oprah says explains this best.. She says, “ You will know it’s the right thing when you feel at peace.”

I wish you peace and happiness in 2020. And hopefully many travels in Italy and beyond.

And if you do come to Italy and are looking for a customized TRAVEL itinerary, theN you know who to call. TRAVEL ITALIAN STYLE.

LEARN MORE ABOUT US HERE OR BELOW

MEET THE AUTHOR

Cassandra Santoro is the CEO and Founder of Travel Italian Style. As a personal trip planner, Cassandra has visited all 20 Regions of Italy and spends 6 months a year traveling the country. Her focus is to find inspiring and real experiences.

She also leads motivational talks in hopes to inspire others on their journey. Cassandra's highlight appearance was being a speaker in Germany for TEDx DHBW Mannheim.

Cassandra currently lives between Brooklyn, NY & Italy. Follow her adventures of life between two countries on Instagram.

[atopearth]

Nightshade Part 1 - Ishikawa Goemon Route

I'm superrrr excited to play Nightshade! I've always been so curious about it so yayyy! Enju looks so cool and cute too. Toriumi Kousuke voices Chojiro? Okay, I love him already, and it seems like he's a big brother figure too, I love those🥲🥲 I have a soft spot for overprotective bodyguard types like Gekkamaru too though, he's so loyal! Maybe to the point of it being detrimental to the both of them though, since when Enju trains, he protects her lol, and he doesn't go out on a lot of missions because he wants to protect her. I guess the good thing about it is that this is of his own free will. I guess it's interesting that Enju is the symbol of peace between the Iga clan (that was mostly decimated by Oda Nobunaga) and the Koga clan (who was the Iga's rivals and ended up taking in the remnants of the Iga clan) due to being the daughter of the Koga clan master and the late Iga clan master's sister. Ohh Chojiro is Momochi Tanba's (late Iga clan master) son! I wonder how he feels.. Wow, Kando (Enju's father) looks so fierce and cool. I guess Gekkamaru protecting Enju isn't completelyyyy his free will, considering it was what Enju's deceased mother asked of him and he's kept his promise to this day. Awww Chojiro recommended Enju to come along for the mission! Exciting! I can't imagine having to go on a mission for 8 years, I wonder if Enju and them will even recognise Kuroyuki. I can't believe Kuroyuki was sent on the mission when he was 8 years old! That's just crazy.. Aww Kasumi is so cuteee, her crying at everyone leaving on a mission was so sweet. Lmao at Chojiro telling Enju and them that the mission will always come before their lives and Gekkamaru completely dismisses it later by saying it doesn't matter to him since Enju will always be his top priority.

Kuroyuki definitely seems like he has a lot of baggage with him, but I guess that's to be expected when he was dumped on a mission at such a young age, and if he's coming back alone, that means for all these years, he must have been really lonely. He never got the support of others like Enju and them did. For some reason, I really like Kyara's voice, I should check the VAs. Okay, omg no wonder why lol, I loveee Hayami Saori~ WHOA, I'm in for a ride, Tsuda Kenjiro voices Hanzo? I'm looking forward to that. Oh nooo, Midorikawa Hikaru voices Goemon?? I don't like Goemon's looks, but I guess I'll love his voice regardless😂 Right now, he kinda reminds me of Tamahome from Fushigi Yuugi lol. Even though Enju's naive, I really did like how she took back the girl's money bag from the thief and gave it back to her naturally. I'm kinda interested in "Goro" (Goemon), he looks sleazy (lol) but he seems to be quite mature? Oh, their mission is to find the next place Goemon will rob? I know Goemon is a "good" person because he only robs officials who are corrupt and don't treat the citizens properly, but that's about all I know haha. I guess it's understandable why Ishida Mitsunari needs to capture him if Tokugawa Ieyasu and other council guys are coming, it would be pretty embarrassing and shameful to not be able to catch a single notorious thief, and it doesn't help that Toyotomi Hideyoshi is getting older and the council elders have considerable influence. Btw, lmao at Kyara trying to cook with her weapon😂

Wow, Ieyasu is beautiful~ I love his looks🥺 I didn't realise that guy was Hattori Hanzo until I heard his voice a bit more though hahaha. Anyway, yeah, Enju throwing a shuriken to save Ieyasu (when he used himself as bait) was definitely reckless and silly as a shinobi, but I can't really dislike her for it, because she's not someone who can just ignore that. Considering that Hanzo is the strongest/top Iga ninja, and is tasked with protecting Ieyasu, is he a part of Koga now or is he independent? Honestly, I always took Kuroyuki as a flighty guy so when he stood up for Enju (when Hanzo called her a burden if they were to take her along to kill the guys after Ieyasu) against Hanzo, I was a bit touched. Ieyasu is really kind to think about the shinobi who died protecting him from the assassin, it is pretty saddening tbh. Enju catching Goemon was pretty cool, I think he really let his guard down and didn't want to hurt her though. I knew Hideyoshi was going to die and Enju would be accused as the killer, but it's kinda sad since Hideyoshi seemed genuinely happy and impressed with her. Anyway, considering how important Hideyoshi is, I'm surprised they even let him be alone with Enju with no guards at all?? Or any ninjas to protect him or anything?? I like the idea of Goemon "stealing" her away, so she's not escaping and causing more trouble for the Koga clan, but I wonder what will happen to the clan... I mean, Ishida's missions were what kept the clan going so... Anyway, I forgot that Goemon was an Iga ninja, that's certainly interesting, and he left before the Iga clan was basically destroyed so hm~

Aww Enju and Goemon traveling together, pretending to be husband and wife and holding hands is so cute~ I love how Goemon speaks his mind and tells her she's cute, because Enju is definitely super cuteee. Lmaoo when the innkeeper thought they were siblings. How heartbreaking to hear that Enju's father disowned her... It's probably what he needed to do to protect the rest of Koga, but yeah that would hurt. At least Gekkamaru is adhering to what he said before and is ready to discard everything to protect Enju. I agree with Goemon and his choice to leave the village though. I mean, it's respectable and crazy how dedicated and loyal shinobi are to their mission and to their villages, but shinobi literally live for all that and nothing else. It's admirable, but it's also such a saddening way to live? Especially since so many of them die so frequently for their missions. I'm personally glad Gekkamaru is doing this for Enju. I guess in a sense this journey is a blessing in disguise (as long as no one dies) because it will help Enju think about how she wants to live. She's always been stuck in her village "protected" by everyone just because she's the symbol of peace, so rather than appreciating her for who she is, people only look at her as a symbol that needs to exist, yet Enju feels like she needs to "repay" them for treating her so kindly when they basically imprison her in the village and bind her to it in a sense to make themselves feel better. Not saying they're not nice people but the whole ninja village thing isn't really great when it comes to anything about freedom and choice, so it's nice for Enju to now see things with a different perspective. It was cute how they both said to each other they would be a good wife/husband. As for Mokichi, I was suspicious when he insisted on going to the festival alone with Enju, but I do feel bad for her. I know Enju is very careless, too naive and kind for her own good, but I honestly wish to see her continue to see the world in a nice way because it's saddening otherwise I guess. I'm surprised Gekkamaru didn't follow them at all though, like it's still dangerous!!

I was wondering what Kuroyuki was doing this whole time considering he's just like his brother Gekkamaru in terms of how much he wants to protect Enju, but it seems like he was trying to look for her too! Oh.. Goemon wasn't even born into Iga, he was sold there and used as disposable pawns when needed and trained harshly to the point that if he couldn't take it, they would just dump him. Honestly, Goemon hasn't really made my heart flutter much haha, but when he got angry and asked Enju whether she wanted to live or die (when she thought maybe she should stop running so she wouldn't trouble the others anymore), and then when he told her that he would stay beside her until the end, I couldn't help but feel touched. He's not optimistic enough to think that they will definitely survive, but he's not willing to give up, and is willing to do whatever he can to stay alive alongside her and I think that's sweet. Goemon patting her head as she enjoyed the soothing view of cherry blossoms was nice. Enju has really gone through a lot these days so I'm glad Goemon is always trying to help her relax a bit. Whaaat?! Goemon was the Fuma leader?? Oh...Goemon escaped from Iga when he was 8 and somehow or another ended up at Fuma.. I guess Goemon hates killing because of the amount of people he's killed before, and knowing how "easy" it can be with the ninjutsu he learnt as the Fuma leader... It's nice how comfortable they've gotten with each other that they can even sleep side by side together now lol.

I honestly don't really trust Mitsunari, and really don't know if this "goodbye" with her friends will really be for the good. I mean, even on the off chance Mitsunari has good intentions, other people in the castle don't. Anyway, I really liked how forward Enju was in wanting Goemon to stroke her head, and he even kissed her on the forehead~ Goemon is a flirt but he's always so polite and careful with Enju, it's kinda cute. Honestly, the last bit with Goemon pretending to kill Chojiro and them etc was pretty... meh? Like, it was obvious what was going to happen, especially with the gold and him giving it to people lol. I guess something nice and interesting was that Enju will continue to hide from the public eye since she's supposed to be dead, so she'll be traveling with Goemon from now on. Kinda cute how Goemon is more open with his affections. The bad ending was quite nice, I liked how it was Enju who gave up on living because of everything that happened, and because of that, Goemon ended up using the ninjutsu he hated so much to kill the Elders for causing all this to happen, and forcing an innocent girl to lose the will to live and basically sacrifice herself.

Overall, while I do like Goemon's personality, I find his route very lacklustre. I think the biggest problem with Goemon's route is that it's very focused on Enju and her escape from the Elders and how Goemon helps her with that, supports her and that's how they end up bonding by both encouraging her and understanding the desire to live for oneself rather than romance. There were cute moments that I enjoyed between the two, but I don't feel like I learnt much about Goemon as a thief or even as the Fuma leader. They talk about his past and why he hates it all, but it doesn't expand on it which can be okay, but the story doesn't expand on the current him as Goemon either. All we ever learn about him is the superficial stuff like he's a good thief with a crappy past, and that he's a flirt lol. I just feel like since it was his route, I wanted to learn more about him, because other than his desire to live without being tied down to stuff like villages and stuff, and hoping that people like Enju wouldn't have to sacrifice their lives for stuff like that, I'm not sure anything much happened. Like, I wanted to see more of the ramifications of how it was for a shinobi clan to lose their master, how Goemon's "betrayal" towards the Fuma went etc. So yeah, kinda disappointing. The bonus scenarios and stuff were nice though, especially when they chatted about little Chojiro back in the day being cute hahaha.