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nik-knight · 2 years ago

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Ineffable Catboys Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4: A Dulled Discovery

[WARNING: There are mentions of non-consensual body modification in this chapter, but it is not explicit. (Declawing)] *** The afternoon was dipping into evening when there was finally a knock at Anathema’s door. The witch quickly closed the journal on crystals she was writing in and put it aside to answer the door.

Tracy stood there with a pastel-colored umbrella, looking as chipper as ever.

“Evening, dearie.” Tracy smiled and carefully closed her umbrella when Anathema invited her in.

“Thanks for showing up, Tracy, I know it was short notice.” Anathema led Tracy inside towards the small round table in the kitchen. She placed the kettle on the stove to prepare the tea, then grabbed a small tin of biscuits for the table.

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all, dear. I got your message after I finished up at Shadwell’s, and I didn’t want to disturb the poor cats’ little date.”

Anathema joined her at the table, trying to figure out the best way to bring up her issue.

“I assumed you called to talk about dear Crowley, yes? It must be strange to have such a cat in your home if you’ve never had one before.”

Anathema nodded solemnly.

“Yeah, a little bit.” Though she’d known a few friend’s cats growing up, she never had one in her own household. The most that she knew of them before taking Crowley in for fostering was that they slept most of the day and occasionally got stuck in trees. Now she was taking care of one of her own for a short amount of time, and had her hands full.

That was until last night, at least. Crowley had been a menace his whole first week here. He was grumpy and rude, and had no respect for Anathema’s furniture. She was able to get used to it pretty quickly, after all. After what Eve told her of the poor cat’s past, she couldn’t quite blame him for being a bit ill-tempered. However, last night, that all changed. Crowley became cautious, but less tetchy. He seemed like he was trying extra hard to be on his best behavior, but Anathema had no idea why. Frankly it had freaked her out. She had heard somewhere that a sudden change in a cat’s demeanor could be a sign of illness— A telltale way for a cat to show that they weren’t feeling well when they weren’t ready to outright say it.

“Crowley’s actually been acting a little strange lately,” she began to tell Tracy. “It started last night after we left yours. He’s been more quiet and complaining less. He even ate all his food last night and cleaned his dishes. Then he went to bed early and didn’t say anything until earlier today when he wanted to take a walk outside.”

“You’re worried because Crowley is beginning to behave himself?” Tracy tilted her head curiously, as if this information was surprising. Anathema had told her a little bit about Crowley and his situation the previous night, so she was sure Tracy knew why this sudden change might be odd.

“Yes, it’s— well, just so sudden, you know? I was afraid something happened, that maybe something scared him or that he was trying to hide an injury or illness or something like that.”

Tracy gave a good-natured chuckle and shook her head. “Oh, no dear, I don’t think it’s anything like that. I’m sure dear Crowley is fine. Usually, behavior indicative of illness is lethargy, or if they stop eating.”

Anathema huffed softly, feeling quite left in the dark. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’ve had a cat for quite a long time, dear. Aziraphale and I have known each other since I was a child. We’re essentially siblings in that regard.” Tracy seemed rather proud of this fact.

“Really? You’ve known him all your life? Did you get him at a shelter?” Although Anathema knew those two were close, she didn’t know they’d been together that long.

“Oh, not quite,” Tracy began to explain. “You see, back in the day ‘purebred houses’ were becoming quite popular. My dear parents thought it was a good idea to try and find their rambunctious little daughter a playmate there.”

“Wait, a purebred house? How’s that different from a shelter?” As far as Anathema knew, purebred cats were not a thing. They weren’t like dogs who had extensive breeds. Cats, at least the cats you’d see walking on two legs, were closer to humans than true felines like tigers or mountain lions. Their DNA was an impossible mix of both human and feline traits, mixed together in their own specific genome. Cats could only make offspring with other cats, and the same went for humans. It used to be very taboo for humans and cats to have romantic relationships, but nowadays they were usually on par with homosexual or non-traditional relationships as far as social acceptance.

That being said, the idea of a “purebred” cat made no sense.

“Well, they’re not quite as popular as they used to be, and that’s for good reason. But yes, they were very similar to shelters. I met my dear Aziraphale at a purebred house when I was about five years old, if I remember correctly…”

***

“Is this where I’m gonna get my kitten, mama?” Marjorie (who would later go by her preferred name, Tracy) asked her mother. They had entered a very fancy building with big light fixtures and ornate furnishings. Though her own home was very nice, this place looked like the large mansions they had on the cover of magazines.

“Yes, dear. We’re going to go in and see what kittens they have available, and you can pick out one to be your playmate.”

Marjorie walked a little faster. She was excited to finally have a new playmate. There weren’t a lot of kids in her neighborhood, and her parents often talked to each other about how much less trouble she would get in if she just had someone to keep her entertained and keep an eye on her during the day. She had driven more than one nanny away with her endless energy, and they eventually decided that someone more her age would be better at keeping their little rascal busy.

Marjorie didn’t care about the reasons. She was just happy to finally have a friend. She gripped onto the straps of her backpack, and skipped along into the entrance of the purebred house with her mother and father.

Once inside, a wealthily dressed woman spoke to her parents, promoting all the well-trained cats they had available for assignment. They talked about all the different age groups and the various skills the cats had been taught that may interest them. Marjorie quickly grew tired of all the talk and wanted to see a kitten already.

“Muuuum! When do I get to see the kitties?”

“Oh, what a lively little girl,” cooed the purebred house worker. “Why don’t you go through that door over there on the left? There’s a kitten in there that may catch your eye. If you don’t like him, just let us know. We’ll have him corrected, and you can browse some other kittens until you find one that you like.”

Marjorie wouldn’t have been able to tell you why she didn’t like this lady, but she knew she didn’t want to spend anymore time in the same room as her. Taking her way out, she let go of her mother’s hand and ran into the room the lady had pointed at.

The room wasn’t very big, but it looked cozy. There was a small bed in one corner, a dresser on the other side, and a small bookcase near the window at the back. And over there sitting on the windowsill, holding onto an open book, was a little boy.

A catboy!

He was looking up from his book at her with big greenish-blue eyes. His hair and fur were a fluffy cream color, and he was even dressed in little suspenders and a bowtie.

What an adorable little kitty-cat!

“Hi!” Marjorie called out to him as she ran to him.

The kitten took a sharp gasp, and his ears went flat. He quickly shut his book and placed it onto the windowsill before hopping off of it to stand. He stood up straight with his hands placed demurely behind his back before giving her a short bow. “H-hello, madame…” He said shyly, barely lifting his head up to look at her once she was in front of him.

“I’m Marjorie!” He sounded a little like how the lady outside was talking, all proper and fancy like. It was okay coming from the catboy, though, because he was cute and was wearing a little bowtie. “What’s your name?”

“I-I am Aziraphale…” He nodded curtly again. “It’s a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, madame…”

She didn’t know why he kept calling her “madame,” but she did like the way it sounded.

“Azra-who?” She hardly caught his name, and it sounded kind of hard to say. “That’s a funny name. Sounds kinda weird.”

The kitten looked uncomfortable, but he simply nodded.

“W-well, my assigned humans h-have the right to re-name me upon assignment. S-so I could be given another name…”

“Why would you need another name if you already have one?” Marjorie was confused, but she wouldn’t let that deter her from having a new playmate. “Just tell me how to say it.”

“Az-i-ra-phale. I know it’s hard to say, but all the other angel names were given to my siblings…”

“Ahh-zeee-rahh-fell?” She tried, holding onto all the vowel sounds as loud as she could. She laughed when he nodded at her, saying she got it right. “Aziraphale! Aziraphale! Hehe! Hey, do you wanna play with me?”

Aziraphale gulped, but nodded. “Of course, as you wish.”

“Okay!” Here, Marjorie turned around and pulled her bag off of her shoulders to dig around inside of it. She wasn’t able to see Aziraphale’s ears fold back in fear nor his hands come forwards from behind his back. She dug around until she found her teddy bear. She thought he might like it since it was soft and fluffy like him. As soon as she grabbed it, she spun around and shoved it in front of him. “TA-DA!— Hey, what’s wrong?”

The kitten leapt away when she spun around. Faster than she could react, he curled himself up into a ball on the ground, covering his head with his hands.

“Aziraphale…?” She asked a little softer. She didn’t know what was wrong, but she did know that he looked really scared. “It’s okay, nothing’s gonna hurt you…” She crouched down beside him, careful not to touch him.

The kitten whimpered softly from where he was curled up, but didn’t make any move to shuffle away. After a few minutes of the two of them just sitting there, he slowly stopped shaking and eventually peeked up from where he was hiding to look up at the little girl.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Marjorie said softly to him. “Are you okay?” She was relieved when he slowly nodded. Marjorie knew that this catboy was probably just really shy, so she slowly lifted her hand and asked first. “Can I pet you? You look really soft.”

Aziraphale nodded his head again and let Marjorie slowly stroke his head between his ears.

Several more minutes later, he seemed to finally relax.

A few more minutes after that, the catboy fell asleep next to her, purring very softly.

The door to the room opened.

“Marjorie, dear? Are you in here? Are you ready to see some other cats—”

“Shhh!” She shushed her mother. “He’s sleeping!” She whisper-yelled.

“But dear,” Her mother replied, albeit softer this time. “Don’t you want to see the other cats?”

Marjorie shook her head. “No, I like this one.”

***

“Wow.” Anathema was pretty shocked by the story. She knew Aziraphale was a bit soft-spoken, but she never knew he was that timid from the beginning. “That’s pretty amazing, but… what does any of this have to do with Crowley?”

“See, I’ve learned a thing or two about cats over the years, dear. I did quite a bit of research in my grade school days to better understand my companion. And one thing I found interesting was the concept of bonding.”

“Like how you and Aziraphale bonded early on?”

Tracy shook her head.

“No, no, between cats. You see, it usually happens in shelters, but it can actually happen with any two cats at any time and at any age. Bonded pairs of cats are usually only to be adopted together and shouldn’t be separated.”

“Okay…” Anathema still wasn’t sure where this was going. “What happens if they’re separated?”

“Oh, the poor dears go into depression if they’re separated from their bonded mate. They often stop eating, speak less, and stay asleep for longer. That’s why shelters try to adopt them out together. Although I’ve never yet seen it myself, I’ve heard it is onset pretty quickly, often happening without either cat knowing.”

“You’re saying Crowley’s bonded with someone?” Anathema blinked. “But he’s been gone from the shelter for a week already. And now he suddenly started eating…”

Tracy chuckled softly and nodded. “Yes, dear, but I don’t think he was bonded with someone at his shelter. I think he recently bonded with someone, and is doing his best to try and stay around his bonded mate.”

“You mean…” Anathema felt like her jaw was going to collide with the ground out of shock.

Tracy nodded again. “To be fair, dear, I’ve never seen my dear Aziraphale so excited either. He was practically purring all night last night, and that’s not a common occurrence. He seemed very taken with the handsome black cat.”

“But— but why would that make him act so strangely now? He started behaving as well. What does that have to do with him bonding with Aziraphale?”

“Oh, Anathema, dear. Though I’m sure he could only tell you for sure, I have a theory. He had nothing to lose before by being ill-tempered, but now? Well now I’m sure he’s trying to gain your favor. I think he may be trying to find anyway he can to stay in Tadfield. To stay near Aziraphale.”

***

The cocoa had certainly helped warm him up. With his fur and hair toweled dry and one of Aziraphale’s soft tartan blankets wrapped comfortably around him, the final vestiges of discomfort slipped away under the gentle sounds of rain outside. Crowley took the last sip of his cocoa and placed the empty mug on the side table.

He looked up when he felt Aziraphale’s hand rest on his knee. Crowley had received more friendly touches today than he could ever remember over his lifetime (the ones from his last ‘companion’ notwithstanding). He wasn’t sure why Aziraphale was touching him so much, and he also wasn’t sure why he was allowing himself to be touched. He usually ended up biting anyone who tried to pet him, but Aziraphale… Well, he just couldn’t help himself. The affection from the angel-cat made his gut feel fluttery and his head spin a bit.

“I do hope you’re sufficiently warmed now, dear?” Aziraphale asked with a cute little tilt to his head.

“Yeah, I am. Thanks, angel.” Crowley could feel his heart pick up speed when Aziraphale gave him a little happy wiggle.

“Oh, good! You know, I never thought I might enjoy ‘angel’ as a nickname considering the naming scheme my siblings and I had, but I cannot deny how wonderful it sounds coming from you.”

Siblings? That was odd. Unlike their more wild feline relatives (such as tigers, mountain lions, pumas, cheetahs, etc.), cats like them were not born in litters. Sure, there was the occasional set of twins or triplets, but most cats were born one at a time. And then, unless the parents and the parents’ humans wanted to keep the kitten, they were often sent to cat homes and shelters to find their own humans. It wasn’t common for a set of cats to have multiple kittens together just to have them sent to a shelter.

“Though I did have one question, dear.” Aziraphale interrupted Crowley’s thoughts with his query. “Whatever were you doing outside in the rain? I know the storm caught you by surprise, but you were quite a way from Jasmine cottage.”

“Oh.” Crowley had to backtrack his thoughts to try and remember what he was doing in the first place, but was only able to remember he wanted to see Aziraphale and maybe share his treat with him. That was it! His squeezy treat! “Oh, yeah! I almost forgot!” Crowley reached into his pocket to fetch the tube. He held it up so that Aziraphale could see it.

“Oh? What’s that?” Aziraphale leaned in closer to inspect it, giving little experimental sniffs to try to determine the object’s purpose. Crowley inwardly squealed when Aziraphale’s whiskers twitched with every sniff.

“What do you mean?” It was Crowley’s turn to be confused now. Maybe Aziraphale didn’t hang around other cats that often, but he at least had to know what a squeezy treat was. “It’s a squeezy treat. Anathema gave this one to me this morning. I came over to share it with you.”

“Oh, my dear, that's so thoughtful!” Aziraphale looked at Crowley with such fondness, and that was nice, but he really shouldn’t be saying things like that to Crowley.

“Bah— nuh— shaddap, no I’m not.” He ignored the heat flushing his face and pushed the treat into Aziraphale’s hands. “Here just take the damned thing,” he said, putting on his best grumpy pout to vociferate the indignity of being called ‘thoughtful.’

“You most certainly are.” Aziraphale smiled at him and took the tube. He turned it around in his hands a few times, and a perplexed look appeared on his face. “‘Tuna flavored squeezy cat treat,’” he read from the label. “I do like tuna, though I usually just get it on my sushi. I’ve never had something like this before.”

“You’ve never had a squeezy treat?!” Crowley gaped at the angel cat in disbelief.

“No, erm, I don’t actually partake in cat-specific foods. I’ve only ever really had human food.” He looked to the side, away from Crowley. The cute pink blush that was crawling up his neck would have been cute if he didn’t look so… embarrassed?

“Really? Not even for treats? Not even catnip?” Crowley wouldn’t mention that he didn’t partake in catnip himself all that often anymore. He hardly ever felt safe enough to let down his guard to even enjoy it. Though he wouldn’t mind sharing some with Aziraphale.

“I, er, I have enjoyed catnip once or twice before, but state of yourself during! It isn’t quite becoming of me to indulge…” Even as he said this, Crowley could tell Aziraphale liked catnip. He just seemed to deny himself of it for some reason. Unbecoming? He’s a cat. They’re expected to lounge around all day and enjoy themselves.

“Well, go on then.” Crowley waved his hand at the squeezy treat in Aziraphale’s hands. “Try it.”

“Erm…” He turned the treat back and forth, seeming to figure out how to open it.

“Just use your claws and slice the top end of it open. Then you can just squeeze the other end and lap up the treat when it comes out.”

Aziraphale froze.

Suddenly the rising blush had disappeared, his entire countenance becoming white like a sheet.

“Aziraphale?” What happened? Was it something Crowley said? “Aziraphale, are you all right?”

The fluffy cat’s hands began to tremble. Aziraphale suddenly dropped the unopened treat to the floor and covered his face with his hands. His legs pulled up close against his chest, and his ears quickly folded straight back. His tail wrapped itself tightly around him, effectively turning him to a large cream-colored ball of stress.

“Aziraphale? Aziraphale!” Crowley leaned forward, trying to get the other cat to look at him, but he wouldn’t budge. On one hand, he didn’t want to push Aziraphale, but on the other, he was getting really worried. Aziraphale wasn’t allergic to the squeezy treat, was he?

Carefully and slowly so that he could stop if Aziraphale resisted, he gently took Aziraphale’s hands in his, pulling them away from the angel-cat’s face to get a better look at him. Though the bottom half of Aziraphale’s face was still buried in his knees, those big green eyes were gazing at Crowley’s. They were watery, and looked ready to cry.

“It’s okay, Aziraphale. There’s nothing to worry about. And even if there is, I can help, I can—”

Crowley’s eyes widened. He was looking down at the soft, plump, beautiful hands pressed in his own thin ones. They were beautiful just like the rest of the angel-cat, but there was something off about them.

They almost looked like human hands.

Crowley’s own fingers, like most cats’ fingers, had two sets of nails: the normal set that looked just like a human’s, and the cat set, which sat right under the normal set. There was a small slit opening under the tips of the nails where a cat’s retractable claws could jut out, making the tips of their fingers appear longer with pointed ends.

Aziraphale’s fingertips looked different. The slitted ends were nowhere to be seen, and the area where they would have been were covered in skin that was ever-so-slightly discolored from the skin around it, as if there were wounds that were scarred over.

“Oh.”

Crowley felt like he was going to be sick.

Aziraphale had been declawed.

I loved ur catboys on twitter and it’s Very Valid and Understandable that u dropped their comics bc of tendonitis but I just wanna say if u ever get any inspo for them again 👀 I would very much enjoy seeing more 👀 even if it’s just silly lil scribbles and doodles 👀

This is all i have about them rn 😭

I have lots of inspo but very little motivation to do anything w them

Here's a twitter post where i answer some questions about them though

Some things have changed since then but most of it holds up :D

#Ineffable Catboys #Ineffable Catboys Capter 4 #good omens fanfiction #GO Fanfic #Gomens Fanfic #Fanfic #Knight Writes #Good Omens Fanart #Catboy Omens #I'm having way too much fun with this #I cannot and will not be stopped #RIP Aziraphale's Claws #RIP squeezy treat #hg-aneh

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