#I come to this site to read the most absolutely absurd thing and it never disappoints

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Radical Honesty

Dear Future Husband,

I’ve had this idea for several years now that people hide too much when it comes to dating and that we need a really radical shift in dating style. Instead of making up fluff and putting our best foot forward, maybe we should just put all our cards on the table and find someone who is ok managing that hand. 

So, with that in mind, I have something to confess... 

I’ve conducted a “social experiment” on one of the popular frum dating sites. I signed up with three different accounts: 

1. An actual account for me.* This was set up with a photo of me that is password protected and a bio that reflected who I am and had a lot of details without being overwhelming. 

2. A fake girl account that was quite different from mine and absurd too. The profile picture was originally a picture of me that I photoshopped the heck out of and then blurred it a bit, before shrinking it down to a small size so when the website enlarged it again it would look distorted. The text for each of the paragraphs was loaded with typos and made to sound stupid and artificial. 

3. An account for a fake guy with no photo or details at all. It’s basically a blank profile. This was primarily to see how my “competition” presented themselves and what kind of profiles they write so I could tailor mine to stand out. 

The goal of this experiment was to see what kind of responses these differing accounts would get from the dating public. 

Here’s what’s interesting: 

I set up the accounts when I was in my 20s and I’m in my 30s now. Pretty much from day 1, my actual account received a ton of messages from guys in their 40s, 50s, and 60s (more often that not, divorced).  Some of the younger guys who messaged me had ZERO social skills. Most of them disregarded all the details I put in the profile as though they didn’t even read it. 

The fake girl account got more messages from guys my age, half of them telling me I looked beautiful despite the photo looking completely demented and barely like a person at all. 

And the fake guy account got several messages from girls too, who wanted to know about him despite all signs that the profile is from someone uninterested in participating in the whole dating thing. 

I left the two fake accounts as is, but tried adjusting my real one several times, to try and garner appropriate responses from suitors. None of it worked. 

I made it sound lighthearted and that didn’t help. 

I made it sound serious and that didn’t help. 

I filled it with jokes and that didn’t help. 

I put bullet points for things I’m absolutely not interested in and that didn’t help. 

It just seemed like no matter what I did, nobody read it. 

And I’d like to chock that up to the fact that I didn’t have a visible profile picture, but neither did the fake guy account and that got messages from girls. Although, that could just be a difference between the sexes. 

But oddly, the fake girl account kept getting message requests. Some were definitely from older and creepy guys, but there were quite a few young guys there too. Maybe guys like bimbos who only want them for their money? 

I know I’m not in a place to get married at the moment, but I do still believe in “you never know” and “God works in mysterious ways” so I do keep my options open despite having little hope I’ll ever be a marriage person. But at the same time, I wanted the message requests to stop, so I changed my profile and went with the insane radical honesty thing. 

I obviously couldn’t put everything about me, but I FILLED that profile to the max. And I’ll share it with you here, Future Husband, because this is all stuff you’ll need to know too. I’m putting it behind a Keep Reading bar because it’s loooooong and I’m going to try being considerate of the like two readers I have here by not completely stealing their feed. But who knows, maybe you’ll read it and decide that my baggage is stuff you can handle (if you haven’t read everything in this blog up until this point....)

Without further ado: My Radical Honesty Dating Profile

-LivelyHeart

ABOUT ME

Hi there! Thanks for checking out my profile. I've had the same stupid "About Me" for a while, so even though I don't come on here that often, I've decided to change things up. I don’t remember when I last updated my profile, but let’s just assume it was 2018 or earlier. I think it wouldn’t be too surprising to hear that some things have changed in the interim. I mean, for one, the pandemic really did a number on people…

One of the things that's changed for me is that I've decided to be a bit bolder in personality and stop caring so much what people think about me. This is a work in progress and I do still care a lot what people think, but I figured rewriting this "essay" could be a large step in the direction of that kind of personal freedom. So, let me tell you some important things about me. I talk (a lot), I write (a lot), I overthink (a lot), and I over-explain (a lot). And the guy I marry will have to be able to not only handle that, but appreciate it too. I believe I'm a better writer than orator, so using that medium, I'm about to present you with probably the longest profile you'll ever read on a dating site (I mean, this section is titled "Essays"...). So strap in, bucko, it’s gonna’ be a wild one!

I tend to have strong views on things. Some might even say... polarizing. And I think it comes off as somewhat unexpected because I don't really look like the type of person who would have such strong opinions on things. In most company I'm pretty smiley and lighthearted and agreeable, but I'll get into that a bit later. I'm also generally a socially observant person and try to read the room and not share certain things I think/feel/believe with certain people because I know they won’t go over well. That being said, considering I don’t know who you (the reader) are, and you’re essentially entering my domain by reading any of this, I'm sharing some of these ideas freely and it's up to you whether or not you want to accept them. No pressure!

Let’s start here: I think the modern shidduch system is an absolute joke. (Like I said, some polarizing views.) I truly despise the way modern shadchanas is a “job” that expects large payments in return for a service. I think it goes against the entire idea of what shadchanas is supposed to be - the shadchan is the vessel through which Hashem makes the pairings. Yes, they deserve compensation for having done so, but the fees that are presented to new couples for the little work some of these shadchanim actually do is despicable. I think that making it a job has turned it from pairing up people with true relationship potential to manipulating couples together for the sake of the shadchanas gelt. As a friend who had a broken engagement said to me, “the shadchanim are more interested in making weddings than making marriages." And from what I’ve seen, that is succinctly accurate. The amount of lying and manipulating I’ve seen to get couples who are unsure of themselves and each other together is such a slap in the face to these individuals, and in so many cases is setting them up for dysfunction, devastation and divorce. It’s no wonder the divorce rate in the frum world is on the rise. It’s unconscionable and completely alst-Torah.

Having a negative view on the current system of dating won’t make me many friends, so I don’t share that opinion with many, but I think when it comes to these dating profiles we need to stop being so “open” to everyone and start gatekeeping a bit more. Statistically we’re all really looking for a needle in a haystack and it’s not worth our time or energy to not be clear about who we are from the get-go. I could be wrong though, and feel free to tell me if you believe I am, as I’d be truly curious to hear your perspective on this. But when you take the time to narrow the field from 8B people on planet earth, to approx. 15M Jews, to the 50% which is the gender you’re seeking in a partner, to the 1/3 of that group that identifies as Orthodox, to the 75% Ashkenaz or 25% Sephardi, to the age range, relationship status, mentally healthy, same hashkafah and value system, and ensure you speak the same language…. You end up with a pool of like 100 people from which to find a possible mate. Add in the family dynamics, economics, physical chemistry, emotional and temperamental compatibility…. We’re all searching for that 1 in a million person. Almost literally.

And yet, so many of the profiles I see on here say the same benign things. “I’m a nice person with a sense of humor and Torah is important to me. I’m interested in sports and working out. I’m looking for a girl who is sweet and family oriented, beautiful inside and out.” I mean, seriously? “A sense of humor” can mean so many things. Being “nice” should be standard, not a personality trait. If your only interest is sports.... I'm not even going to get into that here. And I’m pretty sure nobody is looking for a girl who’s rude, hates children, and is ugly to look at. Either you’re all getting dating profile advice from the same person or you’re all just super unoriginal. (Obvs not all, as there are some more unique profiles than that, this is just a generalization of the grand majority I've read) And maybe we're all somewhat unoriginal... but I'm trying something new here. When I read a profile, I want to get a real sense of a person’s personality. And I think when you read mine you should get a real sense of who I am too. Because when it comes to narrowing the field to find your bashert you shouldn’t have to waste time talking to a hundred girls either, just to find out you're so incompatible that if you'd known certain things to begin with, you wouldn't have even taken the time.

So, in the spirit of gatekeeping, let me tell you all the reasons you shouldn’t reach out to me: • I don’t know if I can have kids. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even if it sucks and I hate it. I also know a woman who was told she could never have kids and went on to have like 13, so it’s truly all in Hashem’s hands. But I can’t in good conscience get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t know that off the bat, especially when having an heir is his mitzvah, not mine, no matter how much I desire the same thing. If you’re open to exploring a relationship where natural children may not be a possibility, feel free to read on. If that uncertainty is a deal-breaker: you’re welcome. Have a nice day and hatzlacha on your dating journey! • My parents are divorced. I know that shouldn’t matter, but it does. Statistically, children of divorce are most likely to head for divorce themselves, because the home they grew up in didn’t have healthy interpersonal dynamics. I mean, it makes sense, no? And I’m fully aware there were and still are major communication problems in my family that plague me to this day. My “normal” isn’t… normal. At the same time, I think couples therapy can be extremely helpful in these types of circumstances and I’m open to exploring healthy relationship dynamics with someone I can fully trust. But if you think that kind of work and the possible struggles that can come along with that is more than you can handle: you’re welcome. Have a nice day and hatzlacha on your dating journey! • I have a lot of baggage from my childhood (see parental divorce above). There’s a lot of emotional stuff I still have to work through and in the right time with the right people and the right space, I’ll be able to sort through it. I’m upbeat and positive in most company, I can be goofy and wacky and have been told I should be a standup comedian (nooooot gonna' happen... 😅), I see silver linings and can be dan lekaf zechus in most situations, but my natural baseline is super negative, so even when I’m at my highest, I’m still below most peoples’ averages. Considering the childhood I’ve touched on above and the fact that anxiety and depression are part of my genetic makeup, that’s not much of a surprise. But the person I spend the rest of my life with has to know that these dichotomous traits are both part of who I am. If that’s not something you can handle: you’re welcome. Have a nice day and hatzlacha on your dating journey! • I think our food is trying to kill us. (Remember when I said polarizing views?) It may sound like some kind of conspiracy theory, but between the way we’ve destroyed the American soil (I mean, global soil really, but American in particular since that's where I'm living) and the poisonous additives in most foods today that are actually illegal in other countries... I think even the healthy food isn’t really so good for us anymore. I'm pretty sure I have celiac. Or it might be a sensitivity that’s specific to American produce. Unfortunately I went off of gluten before I could be tested for celiac, but even oat challah in the US bothers me more than oat challah I’ve eaten in Israel with the exact same recipe. I want to raise my children without processed sugar, disastrous oils (cottonseed, anyone?) and food dyes, which means keeping a pretty natural pantry and fridge. That isn’t to say that some healthy “junk” food can’t be a part of our every day lives, but unless you already eat healthfully, it would mean a major overhaul of your diet and a lot of people aren’t ok with that. If you’re not ok with that: you’re welcome. Have a nice day and hatzlacha on your dating journey! • I’m more of a follower than a leader. Despite having really strong opinions and my comedic stylings, I hate being the center of attention and drawing eyes, so I’m more likely to shut my mouth and not speak up when I disagree with something. My greatest ambition when I was growing up was to just be normal and fit in, because there was so much turmoil in my life and I felt like a weirdo all the time. With the right people, like some of my friends, I’m able to be spontaneous and bolder in personality, but in my everyday life I get talked over and looked over, and although I hate it, I’d so much rather that than ruffle feathers. Part of that comes from trying to be the peacekeeper and not draw the ire of whoever was most upset/frustrated in my childhood home, and I’d say it’s almost to my own detriment as an adult because I don’t know how to speak up for myself when things are problematic. Even when things are wrong or I’m in pain, I keep it all inside and “go with the flow” until I’ve distracted myself sufficiently to not care about what’s wrong. Obviously when it comes to being in an open and honest intimate relationship with someone, this can’t be the case. Which means there’s a lot of growth that has to happen for me to get over this major hump. Again, if you’re not ok with working through stuff like that: you’re welcome. Have a nice day and hatzlacha on your dating journey! • I’m not a shul person. I wasn’t raised by a mother who went to shul regularly and when I did attend with my father when I was little, he didn’t exactly explain what it was we were doing or saying at certain parts, so as an adult, I still don’t know “the ways of shul." In addition to that, I’ve found very few shuls in my life that fit my belief of what a shul should be. The women chatting and hugging each other while the men are on the other side of the mechitza, merely feet away, trying to say kaddish or shemone esrei; some of the men wandering around in circles and trying to look through the mechitza or shlepping a kvetching baby around during davening, the children running in and out shrieking and laughing and crying; the stares from people who are just completely uncouth; the shoving and gluttony at the kiddushes… It’s all just so unappealing to me. If the shul is supposed to be our own mini Bais Hamikdash, our community Temple of God… we’re doing a really horrible job with it. (Strong opinions, remember?) So… if you expect your wife to be with you in shul every single Shabbos and for every single holiday/event, chances are I’m not the one for you, and now you know, so: you’re welcome. Have a nice day and hatzlacha on your dating journey! • I'm not an athletic person at all. I was born with feet problems and over the years have injured both a knee and an ankle that I probably should have gotten physical therapy for, but it was never prescribed. This makes most forms of exercise incredibly difficult and painful. I enjoy walking and hiking on occasion and usually do it solo so I can go at my own pace. If you're super into physical fitness like running, biking, skiing, rock climbing, etc, and hope to be able to do those things with your wife, I'm not the girl for you: you're welcome. Have a nice day and hatzlacha on your dating journey! • When it comes to personality, I’m kind of an extroverted introvert. If I had to pick, I’d say I have more of a cat personality than a dog personality, though I don’t own any house pets and don’t really want to (although, maybe chickens, one day…). I’m fairly comfortable staying in most of the time, though I do enjoy getting out and breathing fresh air somewhat regularly. I do well in quiet settings and I also enjoy social gatherings. Though, I’m much more comfortable being the host who brings people together (even if I spend majority of the time alone in the kitchen) than being subjected to the whims of someone else’s event/get-together, and being a social butterfly would never be an every-night kind of thing for me. Maybe it’s a control thing, maybe it’s an anxiety thing, or maybe it’s my way of regulating the extrovert and introvert that battle within me. No clue. • I feel like I should also add that as a single, never-been-married, woman in my 30s…. I don’t need a husband. But I want a husband. I’m ok being single. I mean, it's not my ideal, but I’ve done it this far, right? So what’s another 60-90 years? I’m not even sure how I ended up in my mid 30s already, so I think the rest of this century will go by in just as much of a blur. And I’m self-aware enough to know that what I deal with on a daily basis would be too much to bring to a relationship with someone else, especially someone who undoubtedly has baggage of their own that I’ll have to help shoulder too. It’s a lot. And it’s more than can be expected of anyone, so I get it if there’s nobody out there who can handle it all. I mean, this isn’t even everything! It’s just a small taste of what being with me would entail, and that’s important for you to know too.

I’m really good at chatting with people (for the most part, anyway…). I’ve had plenty of one-off conversations with guys who have expressed their desire to date me from just that one conversation (not a flex - this always gives me anxiety because I thought we were having a lighthearted chat and the things turn weirdly intimate) and I’ve had to rebuff their advances because their feelings were not reciprocated. Or because they didn’t share my hashkafos on a lot of things. Or because they weren't Jewish, which has happened too. It all has to be mutual, and that is, I think, the hardest thing of all. But they say that making shidduchim is as tough as splitting the sea, which for Hashem is a fantastically easy task. So, maybe you’ve read this far and you’re unbothered by it all. Maybe you have a life experience that matches mine in a way that we could work. If that’s the case: you’re welcome! You've made it this far and I clearly haven't scared you off! …yet. lol You're obviously open to at least hearing what I have to say, and that means you've passed the first test! (I did warn you it would be long!) If you have made it this far and want to message me, use the phrase blue turtles forever somewhere in your message so I at least know you've read this much. But there's still more to this profile, so read on and see what you think then.

I’M LOOKING FOR:

I can't really be too specific about someone I haven't met yet, but there are a few things I will not compromise on:

I'm 100% against: [1] smoking [2] excessive drinking (as in more than just on shabbos, yom tov, and for a l'chaim) [3] any kind of recreational drugs [4] unsafe/erratic driving, driving while texting or holding a phone

I'm looking for someone closer to my own age (-2/+5) and Ashkenazi, and I would also like the person I share my life with to: • have the ability to hold down a job but also make serious time for learning (and enjoy sharing what they learn) • be someone who will accept me for who I am, respect me and my past • be someone who enjoys having fun and can make me laugh - this is obviously subjective, though my sense of humor is full of puns, creative play on words, parody, sarcasm, absurd storytelling, and some dark humor • and I think “good with kids” is probably a given, but I felt I should add it too

Other beneficial traits I wouldn’t say no to: • green thumb - I would love to have a garden and grow our own food, so any experience and interest in that would be super • creative - I would love doing family projects together • handy - I enjoy assembling furniture and doing random DIYs but would love a husband who could take care of stuff like that too • nice singing voice - I wouldn’t say I’m the world’s greatest singer, but would love to be able to harmonize with someone

As a general rule, I'm most attracted to people who try to emulate the 13 attributes of Hashem in their own life. In particular - Rachum, Chanun, Erech Apayim, and Rav Chesed - people who live their lives with a focus on kindness, grace/mercy, and slowness to anger.

PLEASE NOTE: I'm not currently in a place in my life where I want to be a stepmother, and I feel kind of weird about dating someone divorced. Obviously context is important for why the person is in those situations, but having lived through dysfunction and my parents' divorce, for now it is a strong preference. It's also interesting to me that I keep getting messages primarily from divorced guys with kids, despite this being one of the things I have not changed on my profile despite many other updates, which makes me think you're not even reading any of this. If you've continued to read this far, use the phrase it's a mee a mareeyo somewhere in your message to me so that I can at least tell you've read up until here.

I'm a make-do-with-what-I've-got kind of person, but that doesn't mean I'll settle for the lowest hanging fruit. As my boss's friend once told me, "better to be miserable single than miserable married." 🤷🏻‍♀️

WHAT “MODERN ORTHODOX MACHMIR” MEANS TO ME:

I used to have this one set to 'Yeshivish Modern’ but when I actually take a step back and analyze the way I live my life I think I'm more 'modern orthodox machmir' than I am 'yeshivish modern'. I hate this whole labeling system, but there are some differences and I think I'm more 'modernish' than 'yeshivish'.

That being said, let's dig into how I define this particular label:

I like the look of a black hat on Shabbos, but I also like the idea of a married guy doing something that clearly delineates him from the single guys, like wearing a wedding band. (Not a wedding ring "exchange" at the wedding, just a gift given from wife to husband afterwards to be worn as a public sign of a marriage commitment)

And I partake of secular content:

I do try to censor what I listen to, but I grew up with a lot of non-Jewish music and still enjoy a lot of it. It's a comfort zone thing for me and while I don't necessarily agree with all the values shared in the songs, it's still something that's a part of my life right now. Most of these are songs I would never play for my kids and that would probably change things for me down the road.

I read secular books, but avoid reading them on Shabbos and yomim tovim, because I think they bring down the spirituality of the day and are the antithesis of what we're supposed to be doing on those days.

I watch TV shows and movies, youtube videos, etc. But I don't want to own a TV. I don't like the idea of a TV being the focal point of the living room or bedroom, and I don't want my kids to be raised in a home where that seems like the foregone conclusion for downtime. For the occasional movie/TV show, computers work just fine and can be way easier to close up and put away without it being an in-your-face temptation, but the values and language in modern children’s content isn’t anything I’d like my children exposed to all that much in general. I’m much more interested in fostering creativity and originality.

I also try to make a point of not watching/listening to any of the above during the week of Chanukah specifically. The whole point of Chanukah is that we fought against outside influences, particularly those of Hellenistic sentiment, and I think it's a slap in the face to the holiday for us to partake of the secular world during the time we're celebrating our triumph over it. Feel free to share your own personal 'traditions' with me. I'd be curious to hear how you choose to 'step up' your yiddishkeit.

So... modern orthodox, but... machmir. I think the label says it all.

[penguinlover27]

While I am loath to share an article from a right wing propaganda site, I think that it is important for anyone who stands to the left of Attila the Hun to read this.

We often talk about the persecution complex that seems to be part and parcel of the conservative movement. The author of this article outright tells the sheep who read the “news” on this site, that all of the products that they buy are manufactured or produced by people who hate them.

It is a very unusual position to take, especially for a Republican. Does a private enterprise not have the right to market its products as they see fit? If they did not think that sponsoring a trans woman and using her to help promote their beer would yield results and increase revenue, they would never have done it in the first place.

All of this over beer. I wonder if they feel the same level of outrage when the manufacturers of Kool cigarettes use African-Americans frequently in their print ads. Does that mean that only Black people can smoke them? No! It is just that they chose to market to that specific demographic. It does not mean that white people can’t smoke them too if they want to.

Ditto for this crappy beer. If you like the beer, then continue to buy it and consume it. If you don’t, then don’t buy it. It really is that simple.

When I see an ad from a car company marketing a truck, using a voiceover with a man’s voice with the personality of an “rugged” man, it does not make me think that unless I am just like that that I could not buy or drive such a vehicle. The car company is hitting it’s target demographic, nothing else.

Conservatives make it clear every single day that they are simply not capable of living in a diverse society, alongside people who live and think and believe differently than they do. They are overly paranoid culturally. Everything is a conspiracy. The whole world is out to get them.

These little tantrums that they throw occasionally never really yield a whole lot of actual results. I will say, that they have had some success with this latest one, but I don’t expect it to last. People who were fans of Bud Light before will more than likely after the noise is over come back and purchase and consume it again, as if nothing happened.

Do I think that everyone has a right to boycott something that they do not like? Absolutely! However, the reasons they state for doing so are frankly absurd.

I would cite this is yet another example of the death rattle of white supremacy and conservatism, as we have known it for most of American history. This is the backlash to all of the progress that minorities have made over the past century. The good thing is that there are fewer and fewer people who buy into their nonsense.

I have thought a lot about what conservatives could do to make themselves happy. I have a solution: look at what the Amish did.

The Amish decided that they did not want to participate in modern society. They have chosen to segregate themselves into their own communities and live the way that they want to live without imposing those choices and beliefs on everyone else. They even have special carveouts that allow them to deny their children an education past the eighth grade, as well as to drive their horse-drawn carriages and carts on public highways. Generally, they are kind, polite and well behaved people when interacting with others. But they live their own values and express their own culture within their segregated community. This is an example that radical conservatives should consider following.

We hear repeatedly that the white supremacists want a “homeland” of their own. Sure. Why not?

What about this scenario?

Let’s take the least populated states, merge them into one large territory, allow them to move there and take control, and then build a wall around it. They don’t want to live among the rest of us. They feel as if we are imposing values on them, that they simply cannot except. So, rather than tear this country apart and launch a new Civil War, let’s just give them what they are asking for.

Let them have Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, etc. Take all of those states merge them into one large territory and let them have it. If you can’t hack living alongside blue America, then go to your new state and leave the rest of us alone. Pass as many backwards, retrograde laws as you want. Ban abortion. Ban gay marriage. Ban non-Christian religions. Do it in your own territory and leave the rest of us the fuck alone.

And then, when, inevitably your society collapses, don’t come back to the United States! You made your bed, now lay in it.

Conservatives are going to have to learn that they are simply one group among many in this country. They are not the majority. They do not have as much control as they used to, and that is why they are so angry, paranoid, and have such a persecution complex today.

They have equated the loss of privilege with persecution. They don’t really seem to have the mental capacity to look beyond their own hurt feelings and see our society as it is today. They want to turn the clock back, because if they did, and were successful in doing so, they would undo every bit of progress that has been made for non-white, non-Christian, non-cisgender, non-heteronormative people.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of this shit. If they don’t like it here in the United States, as it is today, then they are more than welcome to leave.

Most of them are really in favor of the type of government that they have in Russia with an autocrat in power. Fine, let them go there! Take your orange moron with you! Get the fuck out of the land of the free, and the home of the brave! This is not “your” country anymore.

[sunnyrinusstudies]

Going FOSS: An Intro to Open-Source software for studyblr (and also some privacy related bits)

Source for Header Image

Intro & attempt at TLDR

Hey everyone! Today I’d like to tell y’all something about Open Source Software, and also Why this should matter to you! This’ll probably be the first post of a series I intend to do, because I believe the Studyblr community, even the non-nerd folks, could really benefit from switching some things out in their digital environment. Since this is a long post, I attempted to summarise it below, please do read on if you have the spoons tho!

TLDR?

FOSS stands for “Free and Open Source Software” the “free” part doesn’t necessarily mean it’s free as in free pizza, but mostly means free as in freedom.

There’s a humongous amount of variants on this concept, but the core of FOSS specifically is the four freedoms:

1. To run the program however you want and for whatever you want

2. To study how the program works and to change it in whatever way you want

3. To be able to share it with whomever you feel like

4. To be able to share your modified version with whomever you want

There’s a whole host of software licenses built around these concepts, you can check those out at the Open Source Initiative website, or at Choose A License. Both have a good summary of what they all stand for.

Open Source software is used for a lot of products, nearly every single webserver is an Apache Linux server, Google chrome is built on top of their open source chromium (google is still the devil, but y’know, it’s an example), and even deep deep down, Apple computers run on top of a Linux Kernel. Many more can be listed, but I won’t do that otherwise this isn’t a TLDR anymore.

Now, Why is this important for you? The Open Source Initiative summed it up real nicely already, but heres a short paraphrase:

Control & Security. If software is open source then you can check if it really works the way it does, and to make sure it’s not spying on you. Even if you don’t have the skills for it, someone else who does will be able to check. Also if you don’t like how something works in a program, then you’ll be able to change it or find someone else’s changed version that you like more.

Training. People who want to learn programming can use the code to see what makes programs tick, as well as use it as a guide for their own projects.

Stability. Because everything’s out in the open, that means someone else can take up maintaining a project or make a successor of it, in case the original developers suddenly quit working on it. This is especially important when it’s software that’s absolutely critical for certain tasks.

Community. It’s not just one program. It’s a lot of people working together to make, test, use, and promote a project they really love. Lots of projects end up with a dedicated fanbase that helps support the developers in continuing to work on the software.

I’d like to add one more tho: Privacy, which ties in a lot with the security part. Nowadays with protests going on and everything being online due to the pandemic, folks have been and will be confronted much more with the impact of privacy, and lack thereof. Open Source software means that if any company or group tries to spy on you, then you and anyone who feels like checking, will be able to know and take action on it. Here’s the EFF page on privacy and why it should matter to you

If that got your attention then read on past the readmore button! Or, if nothing else maybe check out the Free and Open Source Software portal on Wikipedia? Or maybe the resources page of the Open Source Initiative?

Terminology: Let’s get that out of the way first

Open Source: The source code that a program is made up of is freely accessible, anyone can look at it and check whether it works well enough or to make sure it doesn’t spy on you.

FOSS: Free and Open Source Software. This doesn’t mean that you don’t need to pay for it, it’s free as in freedom and free speech, not free pizza.

There are four freedoms associated with FOSS:

The freedom to run the program as you wish, for any purpose (freedom 0).

The freedom to study how the program works, and change it so it does your computing as you wish (freedom 1). Access to the source code is a precondition for this.

The freedom to redistribute copies so you can help others (freedom 2).

The freedom to distribute copies of your modified versions to others (freedom 3).

By doing this you can give the whole community a chance to benefit from your changes. Access to the source code is a precondition for this.

FLOSS: Free and Libre Open Source Software. This time it is “free” as in free pizza. The “libre” is french for “free” as in freedom.

GRATIS: Sometimes people use this word to mean “free” as in free pizza. Usually alongside “FOSS”

Licenses : A license is something that tells others what they can or cannot do with your code. Licenses also apply to art and literature, those are copyright licenses. There are many different software licenses and I’m not going to be able to list them all.

The biggest players however are:

Apache License 2.0

The 3-Clause BSD License

GNU General Public License (also known as GPL)

MIT License

Mozilla Public License 2.0

There’s even more and you can find a list of them Here on the Open Source Initiative site There’s so many licenses that there’s even a Choose A License site, where you can pick a license depending on what you want it to achieve

Who and/or what even uses open source software?

You don’t need to be some nerd to benefit from Open Source software, in fact, you’re using open source software right now! The biggest example is the whole entire internet. Websites are stored on servers, and nearly every single webserver is a Linux server. The second biggest browser Firefox is open source, and even google chrome is built on top of “chromium” an open source base. If you dont use an iPhone, then you’re probably on an Android phone. Guess what? Android is part of the Android Open Source Project, which is then built upon a GNU/Linux base. All Open Source. Chromebooks? Built on top of a Linux kernel (like a non-patented engine you could put into any motor vehicle you’d like). Heck, even Apple computers are, at their core, built on top of a Linux kernel.

Neat apps you may wanna check out!

I’ve made a little list of apps that might be especially useful for studyblr folks, but depending on how well this post does I’ll probably make some more posts for specific apps.

TiddlyWiki, has a bajillion different ways to organise your thoughts, and also a lot of variant builds out there. Check out their table of contents if you feel lost! There’s versions available for most big browsers, as well as windows, linux, mac, android, and iOS.

AnyType, is an app that looks and almost exactly like notion, but is much more decentralised. They’re currently still in development but if you want to support them, sign up for early access and give them some feedback so they know what works and doesn’t! They’re still in closed alpha, but are intending to give beta access to about 100 folks at a time throughout 2021, so please sign up if this looks interesting to you!

Trilium Notes, is slightly more like a “notebook”, however you can arrange your notes in nearly infinitely deep folders. You can use things like Relation Maps & Link Maps to visualise your notes and how they go together. There’s even more they do and I just cant list it all, so go check out their stuff for a more comprehensive overview! Works on windows, linux, and (unsupported) mac

LibreOffice and ONLYOFFICE are two office suites that function just as well as micro$oft office, often Even Better in my experience. I’ve used LibreOffice for years now and honestly? never going back. OnlyOffice is technically free (as in pizza), but it’s a slight hassle to get everything set up, cause you need to set it up on a server. They have a paid and hosted version available with educational discounts, but honestly i’d go with LibreOffice.

OnePile, is an app I haven’t used myself since it only runs on Apple stuff. But I’ve heard a lot of good things about it so that’s why it’s in here. It looks like it works similar to most general “note taking notebook” apps. Looks really pretty too honestly.

EtherPad, is similar to ONLYOFFICE, however this one’s a lot more focused on specifically text documents. Works with real-time collaboration which is really neat.

Anything that FramaSoft has going on. They’re a non-profit organisation, dedicated to promoting digital freedom. A lot of open source cloud related things are not really useful to people who don’t have the time and/or money to set up a whole-ass server. That’s where FramaSoft comes in, they do it for you. Just about everything they offer (here’s a full overview) are free (as in free pizza). They also have a separate site to help you get started!

It’s not free to run it all on their side, so if you find yourself interested in using their services please try to support them any way you monetarily can! (they even have a “minetest” server (not minecraft, deeeefinitely not minecraft))

Joplin!! Which is also what I used to write this post so I wouldn’t have to use The Tumble’s post writing thing. It’s good for taking notes, has a bunch of neat plug-ins, and can also sync with a variety of cloud services!

Nextcloud For if you want to go just that little bit further on the open source and the privacy. Nextcloud has honestly way too many features for me to list, but the important parts are that it’s a nigh perfect replacement for office365, and probably even GSuite. The one caveat is that you either gotta host it yourself, or get someone else to host it for you. Framasoft (mentioned above), has a nextcloud instance. It works on just about every single platform, and can integrate with an absurd amount of services. Here’s a list of providers that work with nextcloud, and what different apps they have installed on their server.

I personally use Disroot, because they’re a local (as in, my country) non-profit that offer about 2gb of free storage, and then for about 15 cents per GB per month you can get more storage if you want. They also have an email service which is hella neat. Their one main rule is Do Not Use For Business Purposes, because they’re here to help the individual folks, not companies.

Neat Links you may also want to look at!

Here are some sources, and also resources that I used for this post. There’s also some stuff here that I think folks may be interested in in general.

General Wikipedia Article on Open Source Software

The Free and Open Source Software portal on Wikipedia

Resources page of the Open Source Initiative

Free Software Foundation definition of “free software”

itsfoss page on what FOSS means

itsfoss page on the history of FOSS

Open Source Software Foundation list of projects and apps they really like

Open Source Initiative on “the open source way”, and how it goes beyond software

Check out literally anything the Electronic Frontier Foundation has going on maybe?

TED talk on privacy and why it’s important

The Surveillance Self Defense project by the EFF

This EFF page on privacy for students

ExpressVPN article on privacy (not necessarily endorsing this company, just a good article)

What’s next?

I’ll probably make some more posts on specific kinds of software that I think folks may like. Or maybe a general overview on the more privacy forcused reasons and solutions for doing all of this.

Future post ideas, none of these are set in stone:

Open source Note taking apps

Replacements for just about Every Single google service I can think of

My personal setup

Open source / privacy conscious social media that studyblr folks may be into

Chatting, Calling, Videocalling: Discord and whatsapp alternatives etc

??? More studyblr apps that could do with a FOSS alternative??

How to support open source when you’re not a big fudgin nerd

How to be better at digital privacy and security, while still maintaining that studyblr aesthetic

Apps, software, other stuff, for specific areas of study maybe?

Feel free to suggest other ideas! Or leave feedback! This is my first big resource post so I wanna know if/how I can do better when I make another one!

[7soulstars]

Emerging of Kalon

Request: I need some new johnny depp fics in my life where I want a reader with insecurities and johnny reassuring her that he loves her the way she is.Maybe she is a bit more chubby than his past gfs and she has to wears glasses.Abd thanx so much for accepting it.

Yooo this imagine is soo important to me. As a person who had a lot of insecurities and has suffered through depression.It is really important for me to spread a certain message to others like me. I have this belief that you aren’t born with insecurities,you are made to have them.Don’t point out things to people that would make them uncomfortable in the long term guys it becomes quite scarring for them and it also makes you a damn bully. Also it is normal to have stretch marks, tummy rolls ,acne, scars ,body hair and all that stuff, Man or Woman or any other gender you identify as.That’s what makes you human.If people can’t accept you for who you are please cut them out of your life.Ya’ll beautiful and I love ya’ll. Hope you like this !!

................

Pairing : Johnny Depp x Reader

Warnings : TW,Nosy people who like putting others down for fun, Signs of depression,Suicide attempt,Angst,Swearing, Fluff, Johnny being the absolute sweetheart he is.

................

Kalon ;Latin for ideal beauty in all, physical ,spiritual and moral forms

1.Instigation.

“I still can’t believe THE Johnny Depp went for you after his past ones”,said someone snapping her out of her trance.”Pardon ?”,she asked as if to confirm whether she heard him right . “I mean look at you....His exes were all supermodels weren’t they? Not a single flaw..”,the man guffawed.”Well you have have a micropenis why did your wife choose you?”,her bestfriend snapped crudely making her cringe.”Let’s go Y/N “, Y/BF/N said dragging she out of the restaurant .Well this wasn’t how I wanted college reunion to end up like,thanks Nathan she thought. “Are you alright Y/N ?”, Y/BF/N asked. “Of course”. No I’m not. “It doesn’t bother me at all.” It bothers me too much. “Nathan’s a dick .Don’t let it get to your head EVER”. But he’s right, his words are already in my head. “Yeah...”

2.The disquieting

“Hey glasses ! Looking ugly as always.”

“Look at her hogging like a pig, hey fatty you want more?”

“Darling why don’t you try going on a diet.”

“Don’t watch telly, you’re blind enough already”

“Jason what do you think of Y/N ?” “Damn man she was not even my type”

“Please Stop !”, Y/N woke up with a jerk, breathing in short gasps .”Johnny-”,she stops cutting herself off as she looked at the empty looked at the empty side on her bed. He isn’t in the country she remembered . Silence. She stared at the framed picture of them together on the wall. Plip. A tear fell. Plip Plip. Two more,before she couldn’t control it any more. The past wouldn’t change.She knew it would haunt her forever. But they had stopped for a while. But since Nathan ,it came back harder than ever. She didn’t tell Johnny, she’d never tell him , the last thing she wanted to do is to become a larger burden. So she cried herself to sleep every single day.

3.Repressing

Y/BF/N frowned as she looked at Y/N’s lunch. “Since when do you eat salads ?Hell,that isn’t even salad it’s just *ugh* lettuce....”,she says looking at the leafy stuff with absolute disgust. Y/N looked at her as if she did not understand what she was saying “I love salads,you know what? I’m not that hungry.....better get back to work! See you later!”,she said leaving as she didn’t even let the other speak. Starving, Hurting, Looking into the mirror and hating herself. The cycle continued.This was going to be dangerous in the days to come and she knew that too. 

4.Avoiding

6 missed calls from Mom

19 missed calls and 87 messages from Y/BF/N

40 missed calls and 150 messages from Johnny 

3 notifications from Twitter. 

No one had seen her in 4 days .The telly changed channels at Johnny’s apartment .Things scattered around as a trembling hand set down the remote . Fat tears dampened the pillow as her eyes read the news headline. ‘Johnny Depp at a dinner date with ex wife Vanessa ? Is he finally done with his simple girlfriend ?’

5. Falling

This was it.She ended up the way she predicted she’d end up 10 years ago. Weak,Tired,Empty and Lonely. She stared at the bathtub as it filled itself until it was overfilled,water spilling out of its sides as it splashed onto her feet. She didn’t flinch at the coldness.She stayed robotically still, looking down at her palm. A blade. Without hesitating she got into the tub,the tap still running. She didn’t think anymore,tears wouldn’t fall even if they wanted to. She closed her eyes as she let her self go ,ignoring the frantic ringing of her phone and the banging on the apartment door.

6. Alerting

To say Johnny was concerned was an underestimation.Y/N wasn’t picking up his phone since several days .He was distracted, couldn’t concentrate and worry filled his entire existence.He didn’t know what to do,even going as far as asking his ex wife for advice.He decided to go back ,back to his girlfriend’s loving arms.

The moment he stepped back into the city he took his time.Picking out her favourie flowers ,the chocolate she always loved and a little something of importance. He ignored the notifications is phone was chiming with, his mind only full of thoughts of her....The thoughts were short lived , disturbed much to Johnny’s dismay by Y/BF/N’s call. He ignored once,ignored twice but after that he knew something was wrong.”Johnny !”, panicked voice spoke through the phone. A frown replacing the man’s smile “Did Y/N text you that absurd note too?” “No,wait Y/BF/N let me check”,he put the call on hold as his eyes skimmed over the words displayed on his screen. His phone now dropped on the car floor he wished all of it was a dream.They stopped as he stormed out, back to his apartment. He knocked wildly on the door but not a voice came nor a cackle. He threw his body on the door several times ,”Goddamitt Y/N OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR DON’T PLAY WITH ME RIGHT NOW !”.In his panicked feat he had forgotten he had the keys until they dropped out of his jacket pocket.He didn’t wait a moment as he fumbled it into the key hole ,kicking the door open as soon as it opened.

Silence. 

Splosh . The sound of water hitting the ground from the bathroom echoed in the whole house.

“Y/N ?”, Johnny softly whispered as he pushed open the bathroom door. A horrific scene unfolded before him.

7.Mourning

It had been two days and Johnny wouldn’t budge.He saw red that day and the site still wouldn’t leave his thoughts alone.He would neither eat,nor sleep as he sat beside his beloved girlfriend who lay on a hospital bed. Dark Enough by Amanda played on the radio. The text message, and the talk with Y/BF/N replayed in his head as if war replayed in a retired soldiers dreams. “I didn’t know you were hurting that bad”,he whispered, tears threatening to fall again. He place his head on her stomach as he let the silent tears fall,until her hand fell on top of his head.

8.Resuscitation  

Johnny jerked up ,his eyes as wide as saucers, as he froze with eyes full of pain and hurt.Y/N did not dare meet his gaze.She felt ashamed and disgusted. But those feelings were immediately replaced with shock as Johnny almost lunged at her,hugging her tight. “I was so scared I was so fucking scared when I saw that text and then you drowning in the red water filled in the bathtub ! I thought you’d left me ! I thought you died you weren’t breathing...How dare you think of yourself that way how dare you think you were not good enough !? You were the best fucking thing that happened to me since my kids goddammit !”. Y/N had never seen Johnny this mad.Hell, she had never even seen him cry. She didn’t know how to answer him, she was too ashamed.He wouldn’t break the hug, as if he would loose her if he did. He loved her too much. “Why ?”,he asked again,as if he was begging for an answer. Even a word. He just wanted to hear her voice. “I was scared...”,her voice cracked coming out much broken than she predicted. “ I didn’t think I deserved you, I thought I’d never reach the levels of those beautiful actresses and models.I was scared to tell you about my past..I was scared to bother you...”. Johnny’s heart broke. He never thought his Y/N would think that way. She was always smiling .Not even a little frown on her face. Always there for everyone. Yet no one comforted her. How could he never see it? Of course he couldn’t see it she was perfect to him.His Y/N was the most perfect person in the world. “I love you”, he blurted. He never said that.He was too shy. But he hugged her tighter ,” I love you so much. Even with scars,insecurities or that ugly face you make when you see things you do not like. You were, have and always will be the most perfect to me. Please....don’t do that again...”

9.Emergence

Y/N was discharged from the hospital in a few days. Johnny wouln’t leave her side. All his attention would be on her to see if ate well, and loved herself. Y/N felt safe. And she wasn’t wrong . Johnny was everything she deserved.

They sat on the rooftop of a cafe in Paris. A calm silence passing over them. “Y/N ?” ,Johnny asked. “Hmm?”,she hummed along, silence entailing after. ”Marry me ?”,he asked. That was the day Y/N was the most happiest, and did the beautifully emerged Kalon say yes? you’d ask. She said it without a second to spare. After all our Kalon had found her wings.

“No one is born ugly, we’re just born in a judgemental society”~ Kim Namjoon(BTS)

----The End----

Whew ! After all the procrastination and time I took brainstorming this baby is done! This was requested by the wonderful @anycsirp​ I really really hope you liked this ! Also I meant what I said before the start of this oneshot . YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. PERIODT. Please do like and comment your opinions! I really hope to read em ! I’m not that great of a writer but I did my best ! 

~Love, Hri

[anti-porn-unicorn]

I’m a girl (18 now) who got exposed/addicted to pornography at a really young age, and I wanted to share my specific story on this blog so that the platform can get it out there.

Under the cut is my full story, and it’s a little long winded, so if you don’t want to read the whole thing, I bolded in purple the general topic/idea of that section. Just look for whichever of those interests you and the section will be about that. The first and last paragraph are good for context and end goal, though.

Thank you.

I don't fully remember my first exposure to porn. I know I was in third grade (6-7 yrs old, I had skipped a grade). The reason I had wanted to share my story, in fact, is because I don't see many stories with circumstances similar to mine. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. 1. The person is a victim of CSA/grooming. 2. The person was at a generally pubescent age (~11-14). And/or 3. The person experienced porn as a quick disturbance. To be clear, these stories are as valid and important as mine, and I simply think more perspectives make evidence of the effects of porn more airtight. I've never been the victim of SA, harassment, or grooming, ever in my life. My story shows the effects of exclusively porn.

The first memory I can recall about this was actually the first time I got caught. I was 6 yrs old, and very into video games,so on this day, I was playing a 3D porn game on my crappy hand-me-down laptop. I kind of knew that what I was doing wasn't acceptable, so I was sitting in my room in the corner as far from my door as possible. My mom walked in so I just slammed the laptop shut because I wasn't that good at hiding things. My mom obviously asked what I was doing, and I tried to keep her from looking, but it was right there when she reopened it. This is where the battle of it begins.

From ages 6-14 I don't have a good timeline of events but a few pop out that exemplify the severity of the issue. These are very probably out of order.

I got an iPod Touch for Christmas (~6-7), and every night I would watch porn on it until they caught on. I literally still remember some names of the sites, most that don't even exist anymore. My parents have always been amazingly caring. I couldn't ask for more. During the earlier ages (~6-8) I was put with a child therapist for fear of a deeper issue. My parents started either taking technology away in the night and/or setting restrictions on the internet. Unfortunately, between my slight tech-savvy, and my crazed addiction at this point, this wasn't a solution.

The addiction got DEEP. It warped my brain. When I had no technology, I used everything I could find.

Whenever I had access to less restricted internet, I used it. Once I asked my older cousin to use her iPod and watched it on there.(she noticed and told my mom. I remember my mom had asked me "Is there anything you need to tell me?", and I knew what she meant, but I just said "nope!" and walked away. At one point my dad's work provided him with a Blackberry, and I asked him could I play one of the built in little games. Once I had it, I watched porn. (when I gave it back to him he pressed the "back" button, and I was caught.)

I used Youtube. This was when YouTube was way less moderated (back when the app was a little old timey TV). I learned I could look up "striptease" and "nip-slip" and other stuff like that, finding more soft-core videos that could suffice when the internet in general was locked down.

I straight-up found out ways to disable the restrictions. Once I found out my mom's PIN for the controls, I went and disabled them, but changed the PIN so it would look like they were still on, and so that she couldn’t access and re-enable them. (I made it 7399. Spells "sexy". My mind was a mess.)

My parents bought a book called "The Classical Tradition". I'm just learning now as I'm looking it up that it was a Harvard Reference Library book (probably why it was so damn thick) about ancient Greek and Roman culture. I didn't know that. I had realized that sprinkled throughout the book there were pages that were more glossy than the rest, which you could see from the sides of the pages (the book was HUGE). These were the photo paper, which had the classical paintings and sculptures. And because these had nudity (Think "The Birth of Venus" type) I would regularly flip through this book when I needed a "fix". Absurd.

My parents got me an American Girl book that was made to ease worries about the developmental years. The pages on breast development / the anatomy of the vagina were what I looked at the most. When my parents had gotten me the child therapist, there was the logical fear that I might have been molested. The therapist gave me a book where there was a page with two cartoon mice, a boy and a girl. They were wearing swimwear/underwear and the point of that was "anywhere the clothing is covering is somewhere that adults can't touch you without telling.” They might as well have been stick figures, there was NO detail. But since they were in ‘underwear’ I'd always look at that page a lot. Anything barely vaguely sexual.

During this part of my life, I got no real pleasure out of this, I was just obsessed. For the first year I even watched it on mute out of fear of being caught. The lowest point during this period was when I very unfortunately filmed a video of me touching myself. I got nothing out of it and had no intent on ever sending or posting it. I was just emulating what I had been seeing. I deleted it the next day. I was 9 then.

From puberty until now (11-18) is when my sexuality was shaped by it. The addiction was far more controllable, I could spend a couple weeks to a couple months without it, but I'd always come back. Because it was now tied to my body. And while my need for it to be constant was gone, now I had to deal with the tolerance issue.

Over time what I watched became more and more depraved. I had the personal preference of hating anything amateur, because of the low quality, so I managed to avoid anything obviously non-consensual or involving visibly underaged girls, but that doesn't really mean much with the stuff the studios were putting out. During the middle points it got REALLY violent and disturbing. Bordering on torture (extreme kink) and even bodily deformation. As a young woman, I couldn't really tolerate any of the role based Kinks (father-daughter, babysitter, schoolgirl), so more extreme for me meant more extreme acts. Just absolute destruction of women's bodies for the purposes of sex. I moved away from that when tumblr banned porn and I started using reddit for it, and also during that time I was realizing how fucked up of an addiction that this was, even before I found feminism/anti-porn. I actively started trying to quit it, for good. But I always went back.

One big effect is heavy confusion with my sexual orientation. A lot of people face this, but the addition of porn for me really throws things off. Like: Am I bi, and a form of comphet/denial/inexperience keeps me from seeing women in a romantic way? Is it a mix of that and porn? (relatively likely) Or am I just straight, and the porn has completley shaped my mind (likely). 90% of the time I watched solo female content or lesbian content, and could only stand to watch certain specific forms if it included men at all. In real life I find a fair amount of men attractive but their bodies in a sexual sense are tolerable at best, but usually cringe inducing. l've never been attracted to a woman romantically, but exclusively women's bodies are sexual to me. It feels like everything in my brain that I would have been able to use in order to figure myself out has been permanently overwritten with incorrect information. Because of porn.

I've still got it bad. Every once in a while, I’ll read something vaguely sexual, or see a woman in a risque photo, and then the seed is planted. I'll always say "I'm not going to do it, I always feel disgusting after, it’s not even really enjoyable at this point, I can do better than this”. I always give in the end of the night. I'm 7 days off of it. I've been on this earth for 18 years. 12 of those years I've been cripplingly addicted to pornography. Two thirds of my life, and for as long as I can remember. I can never undo it. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, only able to achieve remission, I will always be a porn addict. I have to be careful. But I have to hope for the future. And with finding the community that is speaking the truth about this, I'm heartened to do better. To no longer be held down by an addiction to consuming my own oppression.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the March 2021 Edition

There aren’t even any pictures! Except in that one book where there were pictures! It was weird! This was a weird book month! Back at it again with thoughts and opinions about a whole mess of books that no one explicitly asked for, but I’ve got lots of thoughts and opinions and they only count if I share them on the internet. Seriously, someone let me go to a baseball game soon. Obligatory warning for spoilers and vaguely unhinged rants under the cut. As always, feel free to come tell me what else I should be reading at literally any time ever.

Best Book of the Month Honors Goes to This Book, Even Though They Called It Halftime at a Hockey Game. A Hockey Game!

The Dating Plan by Sara Desai

Daisy Patel is a software engineer who understands lists and logic better than bosses and boyfriends. With her life all planned out, and no interest in love, the one thing she can't give her family is the marriage they expect. Left with few options, she asks her childhood crush to be her decoy fiancé. Liam Murphy is a venture capitalist with something to prove. When he learns that his inheritance is contingent on being married, he realizes his best friend's little sister has the perfect solution to his problem. A marriage of convenience will get Daisy's matchmaking relatives off her back and fulfill the terms of his late grandfather's will. If only he hadn’t broken her tender teenage heart nine years ago… Sparks fly when Daisy and Liam go on a series of dates to legitimize their fake relationship. Too late, they realize that very little is convenient about their arrangement. History and chemistry aren't about to follow the rules of this engagement.

— Ok, it’s important to know that I really did love this book. It hit all my trope-wants. Childhood friends, incredibly stupid misunderstandings, pining, seriously God the pining, fake engagement, BANTER. It was all going great. I was occasionally swooning. They kept making out! And then! THEN. They went to a hockey game. On a date. A fake date. Cool, cool, cool. All tropes, all the time right? Not so fast, internet! Because these self-proclaimed Sharks SUPER FANS referred to intermission as “halftime was coming up.” Halftime! At a hockey game! That’s—that’s not how hockey works! If this hadn’t been “traditionally” published, I probably could have let it slide. But that was not the case. This was a “real” book with, I can only assume, real editors. All of whom saw the words halftime and hockey near each other and we’re like YEAH, PRINT THAT SHIT. I read that at nearly one in the morning and seriously considered waking Justin up to be like CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS IN A REAL BOOK? Anyway, it was still real cute. Everyone lived happily ever after. It made want to eat samosas.

This Book Had Pictures, It Was Weird

Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews

On the outside, Dina Demille is the epitome of normal. She runs a quaint Victorian Bed and Breakfast in a small Texas town, owns a Shih Tzu named Beast, and is a perfect neighbor, whose biggest problem should be what to serve her guests for breakfast. But Dina is...different:  Her broom is a deadly weapon; her Inn is magic and thinks for itself. Meant to be a lodging for otherworldly visitors, the only permanent guest is a retired Galactic aristocrat who can’t leave the grounds because she’s responsible for the deaths of millions and someone might shoot her on sight. Under the circumstances, "normal" is a bit of a stretch for Dina.

And now, something with wicked claws and deepwater teeth has begun to hunt at night...Feeling responsible for her neighbors, Dina decides to get involved. Before long, she has to juggle dealing with the annoyingly attractive, ex-military, new neighbor, Sean Evans—an alpha-strain werewolf—and the equally arresting cosmic vampire soldier, Arland, while trying to keep her inn and its guests safe. But the enemy she’s facing is unlike anything she’s ever encountered before. It’s smart, vicious, and lethal, and putting herself between this creature and her neighbors might just cost her everything.

— So, Ilona Andrews is a name that keeps coming up because when I borrow a book from the library I have to go through Kindle and Amazon is like...here are some other absurd fantasy romances you’d enjoy. Also, one of her other series had been recc’ed to me. Only problem? The first book in that series is the only book in that series not available at my library. So, I was like, ok, I’ll start this one instead. It was...weird. Honestly, it felt like I’d been dropped in the middle of the story and the narrator was like, well why don’t you already know what’s going on? In theory the world building was cool. (I was not expecting alien werewolves, lemme tell you that!) But also it all felt very rushed and the end just sorta happened.

In Which I Continue to Love “Same Verse” Books & No One Else Had Sex in the Port Jeff High School Dugout. For Which I Was Grateful

Love Her or Lose Her by Tessa Bailey

Rosie and Dominic Vega are the perfect couple: high school sweethearts, best friends, madly in love. Well, they used to be anyway. Now Rosie’s lucky to get a caveman grunt from the ex-soldier every time she walks in the door. Dom is faithful and a great provider, but the man she fell in love with ten years ago is nowhere to be found. When her girlfriends encourage Rosie to demand more out of life and pursue her dream of opening a restaurant, she decides to demand more out of love, too. Three words: marriage boot camp.

Never in a million years did Rosie believe her stoic, too-manly-to-emote husband would actually agree to relationship rehab with a weed-smoking hippie. Dom talking about feelings? Sitting on pillows? Communing with nature? Learning love languages? Nope. But to her surprise, he’s all in, and it forces her to admit her own role in their cracked foundation. As they complete one ridiculous—yet surprisingly helpful—assignment after another, their remodeled relationship gets stronger than ever. Except just as they’re getting back on track, Rosie discovers Dom has a secret... and it could demolish everything.

— Listen, one of my absolutely favorite tropes that I do not think gets enough love in the world is COMMITTED LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. And, like, ok, sure the premise of this was that they were separating in that long-lasting relationship. But no one really believed that, did they? Rosie and Dominic were real cute and their banter was good and I wasn’t totally skeeved out when they literally fucked on the kitchen floor. So, I think that’s saying something. Also, also! I seriously appreciated the realism of this book because no one on Long Island would ever call Manhattan Manhattan. It’s the city. Every other borough gets a name, but Manhattan is just the city and I nearly cheered when they said that. But also, no one’s taking a cab from Port Jeff to the Meatpacking District. You know what that would cost? God.

Tools of Engagement by Tessa Bailey

Hair, makeup, clothing, decor... everything in Bethany Castle's world is organized, planned, and styled to perfection. Which is why the homes she designs for her family's real estate business are the most coveted in town. The only thing not perfect? Her track record with men. She's on a dating hiatus and after helping her friends achieve their dreams, Bethany finally has time to focus on her own: flip a house, from framework to furnishings, all by herself. Except her older brother runs the company and refuses to take her seriously.

When a television producer gets wind of the Castle sibling rivalry, they’re invited on Flip Off, a competition to see who can do the best renovation. Bethany wants bragging rights, but she needs a crew and the only member of her brother's construction team willing to jump ship is Wes Daniels, the new guy in town. His Texas drawl and handsome face got under Bethany's skin on day one, and the last thing she needs is some cocky young cowboy in her way.

As the race to renovate heats up, Wes and Bethany are forced into close quarters, trading barbs and biting banter as they remodel the ugliest house on the block. It's a labor of love, hate, and everything in between, and soon sparks are flying. But Bethany's perfectly structured life is one kiss away from going up in smoke and she knows falling for a guy like Wes would be a flipping disaster.

— It should first be noted that in the three books of this series, I could not and cannot understand why Bethany’s brother was such a monumental dick. He was just...he was a dick. His marriage was awful. How long was his wife pregnant without him knowing???? I digress. This continued to be cute, Bethany was a legit heroine as far as those rom-com things go, Wes was very Texas and that got a little over the top, but they had sex in a bed like normal people so that helped. Oh, except that one time on the construction site. Whatever, this book was cute. This whole series was cute, really, and I was a big fan of the happy little wrap-everything-up with a bow ending.

Romance That Happens In Point Two Seconds Is...Unbelievable

Too Hot to Handle by Tessa Bailey

The road trip was definitely a bad idea. Having already flambéed her culinary career beyond recognition, Rita Clarkson is now stranded in God-Knows-Where, New Mexico, with a busted-ass car and her three temperamental siblings, who she hasn't seen in years. When rescue shows up---six-feet-plus of hot, charming sex on a motorcycle---Rita's pretty certain she's gone from the frying pan right into the fire . . . Jasper Ellis has a bad boy reputation in this town, and he loathes it. The moment he sees Rita, though, Jasper knows he's about to be sorely tempted. There's something real between them. Something raw. And Jasper has only a few days to show Rita that he isn't just for tonight---he's forever.

— For as much as I loved the Port Jeff series by my new pal Tessa, this one was...oof. Too much, guys. Too much. Fucking in trucks. Fucking in back offices. The whole book lasted, like, three days. And keep in mind this is coming from someone who has written like two million words about Killian Jones, self-loathing champ 250 years running, but Jasper’s self-loathing was a little over the top. Like, let’s not objectify dudes, but also...I don’t know guys. Maybe the other books in the series are better? I was mostly just annoyed by Rita.

What the Hell Happened at the End of This Book?? Seriously, I Have No Idea

The Queen’s Assassin by Melissa de la Cruz

Caledon Holt is the kingdom's deadliest weapon. No one alive can best him in speed, strength, or brains, which is why he's the Hearthstone Guild's most dangerous member. Cal is also the Queen's Assassin, bound to her by magic and unable to leave her service until the task she's set for him is fulfilled. Shadow of the Honey Glade has been training all her life to join the Guild, hoping that one day she'll become an assassin as feared and revered as Cal. But Shadow's mother and aunts expect her to serve the crown as a lady of the Renovian Court. When a surprise attack brings Shadow and Cal together, they're forced to team up as assassin and apprentice. Even though Shadow's life belongs to the court and Cal's belongs to the queen, they cannot deny their attraction to each other. But now, with war on the horizon and true love at risk, Shadow and Cal will uncover a shocking web of lies that will change their paths forever.

—WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT THE END OF THIS BOOK??? I figured out the so-called twist like...two chapters in. Fine, ok, whatever. It’s YA, this is not rocket science and I was interested enough in Cale and Shadow to see how it all played out. Only it didn’t really play out! Because the whole end was just this like four chapter retcon of basically EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED and I genuinely could not believe it was happening. It didn’t make sense?!? Like with the plot? Also, spoiler, good thing Shadow and the other king haven’t consummated their marriage yet since she and Cale totally fucked after her wedding? What is YA? Why is Amazon telling me this is a Teacher’s Pick? Why hasn’t my hold come through on the sequel yet so I know what happens next?

Low-Stakes Romance Was Real Boring and All The People Were Boring In It

The Ten Rules for Faking It by Sophie Sullivan

As birthdays go, this year’s for radio producer Everly Dean hit rock-bottom. Worse than the “tonsillectomy birthday.” Worse than the birthday her parents decided to split (the first time). But catching your boyfriend cheating on you with his assistant? Even clichés sting. But this is Everly’s year! She won’t let her anxiety hold her back. She’ll pitch her podcast idea to her boss. There’s just one problem. Her boss, Chris, is very cute. (Of course). Also, he's extremely distant (which means he hates her, right? Or is that the anxiety talking)? And, Stacey the DJ didn’t mute the mic during Everly’s rant about Simon the Snake (syn: Cheating Ex). That’s three problems. Suddenly, people are lining up to date her, Bachelorette-style, fans are voting (Reminder: never leave house again), and her interest in Chris might be a two-way street. It’s a lot for a woman who could gold medal in people-avoidance. She’s going to have to fake it ‘till she makes it to get through all of this. Perhaps she’ll make a list: The Ten Rules for Faking It. 

— I am a broken record. Shouting. From the highest hilltop. Just because you think someone is cute when you’re technically not supposed to be dating them does not mean you get to be anything less than nice around them! It’s not cute! And part two, which often goes with part one: rom com dudes have GOT to stop lying or hiding or otherwise avoiding telling people who they really are. It’s a convoluted, passably lazy way of writing and dropping a third-act bomb on the story. Don’t do it. Stop doing it. We’ve moved past the need for hidden identities. Unless he’s, like, a spy or something. Um...this was a weird book. I know Everly had anxiety and that became a PLOT POINT, patent pending, but she was also not super relatable? Which is crazy considering my very real, rather undiagnosed anxiety. Chris was boring. The whole plot, as this title suggests, was very low stakes and no one actually  seemed to remember that their jobs were ever on the line? Did Everly and Chris have a conversation before they decided they liked each other? Who can say, really.

Shipped by Angie Hockman

Between taking night classes for her MBA and her demanding day job at a cruise line, marketing manager Henley Evans barely has time for herself, let alone family, friends, or dating. But when she’s shortlisted for the promotion of her dreams, all her sacrifices finally seem worth it. The only problem? Graeme Crawford-Collins, the remote social media manager and the bane of her existence, is also up for the position. Although they’ve never met in person, their epic email battles are the stuff of office legend. Their boss tasks each of them with drafting a proposal on how to boost bookings in the Galápagos—best proposal wins the promotion. There’s just one catch: they have to go on a company cruise to the Galápagos Islands...together. But when the two meet on the ship, Henley is shocked to discover that the real Graeme is nothing like she imagined. As they explore the Islands together, she soon finds the line between loathing and liking thinner than a postcard. With her career dreams in her sights and a growing attraction to the competition, Henley begins questioning her life choices. Because what’s the point of working all the time if you never actually live?

— YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE TO DECIDE YOU LIKE THEM. AUTHORS REALLY REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. IF THEY ONLY LIKE EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY KISS WELL IT’S NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. AND THIS IS COMING FROM ME. Back at it again with the annoying so-called heroine who was just...occasionally real mean to Graem for no reason at all? Also her name was Henley. Which is not a great reason to dislike her, but here we are.

Apparently I Read These Books Out Of Order. Who Knew?

Pride, Prejudice and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev

It is a truth universally acknowledged that only in an overachieving Indian American family can a genius daughter be considered a black sheep.

Dr. Trisha Raje is San Francisco’s most acclaimed neurosurgeon. But that’s not enough for the Rajes, her influential immigrant family who’s achieved power by making its own non-negotiable rules:

·       Never trust an outsider

·       Never do anything to jeopardize your brother’s political aspirations

·       And never, ever, defy your family

Trisha is guilty of breaking all three rules. But now she has a chance to redeem herself. So long as she doesn’t repeat old mistakes.

Up-and-coming chef DJ Caine has known people like Trisha before, people who judge him by his rough beginnings and place pedigree above character. He needs the lucrative job the Rajes offer, but he values his pride too much to indulge Trisha’s arrogance. And then he discovers that she’s the only surgeon who can save his sister’s life.

As the two clash, their assumptions crumble like the spun sugar on one of DJ’s stunning desserts. But before a future can be savored there’s a past to be reckoned with...

A family trying to build home in a new land.

A man who has never felt at home anywhere.

And a choice to be made between the two.

— Surprise, apparently this was the first book in the series. I did not know. It didn’t affect my enjoyment of the Persuasion version in this same ‘verse, which is also strange because I liked the Persuasion one way better. There was a lot of medical in this. And not super uplifting medical, either. This was like...oh the Jane character (I guess???) has cancer and either she’s going to go blind after having a surgery (also she was an artist, so you see how this was a problem) or she’s just going to decide to die. Wait, what? That came out of left field, really. Also DJ and Trisha were not nice to each other. Like, I know this is Pride and Prejudice so there has to be some of that at the start, but it wasn’t like Trisha ever really went through the Darcy-required time at Pemberly. She just decided she liked DJ and told him and it was as awkward as Jane Austen intended it, but then we got more medical and everything was cool. It felt very rushed and shoehorned into a modern setting and the Persuasion one was better. You can’t have Darcy’s growth without the Pemberly stuff. You just can’t.

In Which I Didn’t Like a Nickname??? Is the World Ending??

Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

Alexis Carlisle and her cat café, ToeBeans, have shot to fame after she came forward as a victim of a celebrity chef’s sexual harassment. When a new customer approaches to confide in her, the last thing Alexis expects is for the woman to claim they’re sisters. Unsure what to do, Alexis turns to the only man she trusts—her best friend, Noah Logan.   Computer genius Noah left his rebellious teenage hacker past behind to become a computer security expert. Now he only uses his old skills for the right cause. But Noah’s got a secret: He’s madly in love with Alexis. When she asks for his help, he wonders if the timing will ever be right to confess his crush.   Noah’s pals in The Bromance Book Club are more than willing to share their beloved “manuals” to help him go from bud to boyfriend. But he must decide if telling the truth is worth risking the best friendship he’s ever had.

— If Noah was going to call her Lexa, then her name should have been Alexa and not Alexis. That’s it and that’s all. Also, the story was n u t s. Estranged dads and kidney failure and they got together so fast in this book. Which usually is cool by me, but I really could not get over the nickname and the estranged family was mean to Alexis. Lexa. HER NAME SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALEXA, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Also Noah was a former hacker? The estranged family accused him corporate espionage or something? A lot happened in this book, guys. Her name should have been Alexa.

Dumb Brother Was Dumb™ Everyone Else Was Real Cute

The Off Limits Rule by Sarah Adams

I have found rock bottom. It's here, moving in with my older brother because I'm too broke to afford to live on my own. It's okay though, because we've always been close and I think I'm going to have fun living with him again.

 That is until I meet Cooper...

 Turns out, my brother has very strong opinions on the idea of me dating his best friend and is dead set against it. According to him, Cooper is everything I should stay away from: flirtatious, adventurous, non-committal, and freaking hot. (I added that last part because I feel like you need the whole picture.) My brother is right--I should stay away from Cooper James and his pretty blue eyes. He's the opposite of what I need right now.

 Nah--who am I kidding? I'm going for it.

— This was cute, mostly mindless fluff. Hit some trope high points, including, obviously, best friends sister. Only the brother in question was a Neanderthal and I really thought people were going to make out more while said brother was on his business trip. I got it for free off Amazon. Which I think should explain a lot. Like, story-wise. Sorry, free Amazon books. Don’t be insulted.

Prose, Prose, Prose, Please Someone Have a Conversation

Trick by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Spring, Poet is renowned. He's young and pretty, a lover of men and women. He performs for the court, kisses like a scoundrel, and mocks with a silver tongue. Yet allow him this: It's only the most cunning and manipulative soul who can play the fool. For beyond the castle walls, Poet guards a secret. One the Crown would shackle him for. One that he'll risk everything to protect. Alas, it will take more than clever words to deceive Princess Briar. Convinced that he's juggling lies as well as verse, this righteous nuisance of a girl is determined to expose him. But not all falsehoods are fiendish. Poet's secret is delicate, binding the jester and princess in an unlikely alliance—and kindling a breathless attraction, as alluring as it is forbidden.

— The purplest of prose. Mauve prose. Royal purple prose. Lavender prose. There was so much writing here. So much. Too much, some might say. I say. Actually. If we want to get specific. And that was a shame, really, because when Briar and Poet actually had a conversation, they were interesting to read about. Also, the world building here? Yeeeesh. The so-called, wait for it, FOOL TRADE played a prominent role and that was...super cringe. Super Cringe. That being said, I asked Justin what I should read next and he thought it was funny that a book was just called...

Dare by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Summer, they say she's wild. Locked in a cage by the sea, Flare dreams of escape. She dreams of a lost world, known only in legends. The island is calling to her. And she won't let anyone keep her from it. Especially not him. They say he's cruel. Jeryn has crossed the ocean for the Trade, to bargain for those fierce, imprisoned creatures that make his skin crawl. By law, they're subjects meant for experimentation. And easy to despise. One girl in particular. But on the cusp of transport, the tide rages. That hidden island awaits. Stranded, the prince and prisoner must fight to survive. In a mysterious rainforest, they must band together...if they don't slay one another first. Or become something more to each other.  Something just as dangerous.

— This was Justin’s fault. He could not believe this book was just called Dare. It should have been called “We’re going to weirdly force what is basically slavery into this story and then a prince is going to fall in love with an escaped slave and we’re also going to call that ROMANCE.” y i k e s. Remember that one story that took place over three days? This was the complete opposite. Years! They were shipwrecked for years! They got saved, spoilers, the DAY they started having sex. What are the odds, right?? And then MORE YEARS passed. Multiple years! Five years! They couldn’t actually be together because of that aforementioned slave trade. What the shit, man? Natalia, ya gotta be kidding me with this. The internet claimed Trick was good and a solid follow to reading ACOTAR and that there was this whole verse and it was also good. The internet was wrong.

Nothing Happened, Everything Happened, I...Hated It

Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Kristin Cashore’s bestselling, award-winning fantasy Graceling tells the story of the vulnerable-yet-strong Katsa, a smart, beautiful teenager who lives in a world where selected people are given a Grace, a special talent that can be anything from dancing to swimming. Katsa’s is killing. As the king’s niece, she is forced to use her extreme skills as his thug. Along the way, Katsa must learn to decipher the true nature of her Grace… and how to put it to good use. A thrilling, action-packed fantasy adventure (and steamy romance!) that will resonate deeply with adolescents trying to find their way in the world.

— I can’t believe this was a book. Katsa was so annoying! Like, listen, I know her life was sad. And she was a pawn being used against her will. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The tone of the whole book was so strangely formal and Poe was strangely in love with Katsa? Who obviously didn’t want to get married because she was WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. Or kill people, as the case may be. Only she wanted to make out with Poe? Only ONLY they didn’t even really get together at the end? I could not believe the end of this book. I nearly threw my Kindle across the room. Once again, no apologies for spoilers because do not read this book, but HE WAS BLIND? Katsa had to leave him behind to save his cousin and he just ENDED UP BEING BLIND? AND THEY NEVER GOT TOGETHER REALLY?? What the fuck? Seriously. Steamy romance, my ass. Nothing happened. The villain got defeated in point two seconds. There are other books in this universe? No, thanks.

[jeonggukingdom]

splinters of love • day XI [jhs]

pairing  ⟶ jung hoseok x fem!Reader

summary  ⟶ a collection of drabbles (one for each day of April) based on prompts by an online prompts’ generator site. Specifically  ⟶  • day XI ↳ in which you wake up next to one another after a very drunk one night stand and have no idea of what comes next.

genre  ⟶ smut, fluff (if you squint a little in the end)

rating  ⟶ 18+

word count ⟶ 2.027 words

warnings  ⟶ graphic depiciton of sexual intercourse, oral sex, some fingering, penetrative sex gulping down of a stranger’s cum, rough but not really sex-more like passionate and raw to be honest.

series masterlist  ⟶ here  (links on mobile may not work, if you’re looking for all the works in this series, you can click on the “!splintersoflove” tag and you’ll find them all there!)

Lips on lips, rough hands grasping soft skin, pounding music, a tangle of limbs, soiled sheets and discarded clothes on the floor.

A throbbing headache and the bitter taste in your mouth as you stir from your deep slumber welcome you this Saturday morning, a kind of token of last night shenanigans and very irresponsible choices.

Your body aches, the muscles tense as you shift in the bed, stretch until you hear some cracks and then exhale as your eyes slowly open to stare up at the ceiling.

Your brows furrow as you try to recall all the events from last night and then, a deep groan next to you startles you, gathers goosebumps on your flesh and finally, you turn.

A boy with the skin of gold, hair made of charcoal and pouty, adorable and definitely kissable lips lies right next to you in all of his naked glory.

His brows are furrowed, his lips pulled a little downward into a pout you find remarkably adorable, so much so it even pulls a soft smile on your lips.

Your gaze shifts from his face to his neck—dusted with violet petals that have the shape of your lips—and slowly trails down to his back and then they take in the firm curve of his ass and you salivate at the sight, your insides churning in appreciation.

Just like that, the boy suddenly awakes, jerks under your greedy gaze and meets your eyes with a dumbfounded expression on his handsome face.

“Well, hello there,” you utter in a shy whisper, your voice hoarse in what you can assume being the aftermath of a very satisfying sexual encounter—not that you can remember much of it anyways.

The boy curses under his breath and then relaxes back into the mattress, brings one of his hands to his face and sighs. Well, he must have been as wasted as you were which you’re not sure whether to consider a blessing or a curse.

You watch him furrow his brows in deep concentration as he evidently tries to recall the events that have led him here, right next to you but he seems to come up pretty empty-handed which makes you chuckle.

That grabs his attention and he shifts his gaze towards you as he twists his body under the sheets, his cheeks a lovely shade of coral as he realizes how extremely naked the both of you are.

“I don’t remember much either,” you offer in explanation while shaking your head.

This is easily a first. The first time you hooked up with someone while being drunk and, well, the first one night stand of your entire life which may or may not say quite a lot about you.

He seems rather amused by your response because he breaks into a smile, followed by such a clear laugh you find yourself blushing for him like a schoolgirl in front of her first crush.

You should feel very uncomfortable and a part of you does but at the same time, and incredibly so, there is something rather familiar about him, something that soothes you and puts you at ease.

“My name is Hoseok,” he says, between embarrassed giggles that make your heart jolt in your ribcage or maybe it’s the sensation of his warm palm against yours as you shake his hand, the hilarity of it all making you laugh as well.

“________,” you utter, shaking your head at the absurdity of it all.

“I gotta confess, this a first for me.” He says, surprising you enough to leave you speechless and for long enough to turn his cheeks from coral to crimson.

“Should I just, uhm, leave?” He scratches the back of his head and you bite your bottom lip because truth be told, you have not a single clue of what you are supposed to do or say.

“Well, this is a first for me too,” you whisper, bringing your sheets up to your chest to cover yourself a bit more which is stupid considering you had sex with the guy but hey, neither of you remembers a single thing, right?

A flash.

His lips on yours, his hands groping your ass, pulling you into him until you are sighing at the sensation of his erection pressed against your needy core, the sound of your name on his lips that is a mix of roughness and neediness.

“Oh.”

Your mouth is suddenly dry and you find Hoseok staring at you with a curious look on his pretty face, a little smirk on his lips that has you wondering if he really doesn’t recall a single thing or not. Or maybe he just can read thoughts, who knows.

“Did you just remember something?” He asks, voice soft and absolutely nothing like the gruff whisper in your ears at the club and later on, between these very sheets.

“Maybe,” you concede and he giggles, he giggles. Why does it sound so damn pretty? Maybe you are still drunk, yes, that has to be it, the most logical explanation as to why you are still so remarkably attracted to this stranger in your bed.

“Well? Is it good or is it bad?”

You roll your eyes at him, divert his gaze from his lovely face and exaggerate a sigh of frustration.

“What?” He asks, clearly amused by your reaction.

“Why do you men always have to ask that?” You complain, crossing your arms over your chest while shaking your head.

“Well, this man is curious because he can barely remember a thing,” he says, shifting between the sheets so that he can sit up in your bed and look down at you in sparking curiosity, “And he has no idea how he scored such a fine lady while being drunk out of his goddamn mind so, this man would like to know if he has satisfied the lady or not.”

You laugh at his words, at the way he speaks of himself as if he were someone else but also the compliment doesn’t fall flat on you, in fact, it may or may not make your heart beat just a little bit faster against your ribs.

“Well, what would that man do if I said that he didn’t?” You tease, testing him with your eyes while raising your eyebrows as if to challenge him.

You watch his eyes darken before you, his body dash just a tad bit forward as if eager to feel yours, embrace its warm and bask in it.

“Well, that man should most definitely make it up to you once sober,” his voice has dropped a few octaves and your body reacts to it as if he were a beacon.

What is it about this fine young man that entices you so damn much?

You have no idea and even if you did, the answer to that question disappears the instant his lips find yours in a rather chaste kiss that still has your mind reeling.

Memories of last night come rushing forward, they fill your head and prompt your lips to part, to welcome his devilish tongue inside to embrace it, dance with it until your eyes are closed and your fingers are lost inside his locks.

Hoseok kisses you desperately, like a famished man after starvation and you melt into his touch, welcome him entirely by pulling him into you forward and you don’t know how or why but you surrender yourself to him, welcome him between your parted legs and kiss him, kiss him, kiss him.

He is intoxicating and so is his touch, the way it explores your body and celebrates it like a temple, the way he traces back his journey from last night, kissing and nipping the skin he has already bruised and marked in his fervent drunken state.

His mouth on your sleek lips is a blessing, his fingers pumping inside of you are heavenly and far better than the washed-out memory that surfaced back to your conscience then.

His lewd words have you sighing, arching your back in need and he basks in all of it, drinks it up to very last second so that he doesn’t forget this time, quite possibly ever.

You voice your needs like never before and he always complies, so eager to please and conquer and you let him ruin you, bit after bit until you are begging him to feel all of him lodged deep inside of you, pumping against your deepest knot just like he did last night.

You bite your bottom lip, close your eyes as the tip of his cock brushes past your lips, pushes inside to rekindle with the warmth of your core.

He grunts at the embrace of your walls, at the way they squeeze him inch after inch as he falls deep within you and then, as you whimper his name, he is rocking in and out of you, rolling his hips in a toe-curling way that has curses leave your parted lips.

You graze your nails across his back, scratch the soft skin at the height of your pleasure and he grunts for you, calls your name with that rough passionate groan that had your insides twitch last night in bottomless arousal.

You arch your back for him, you roll your hips into him, beg him to fuck you harder, faster and he does, he does, he does.

“Oh, Hoseok!” Your cry has him shuddering on top of you, your walls tightening their grasp around him as you reach your blissful high have him grunting, moaning your name in a lewd way that has your mouth run dry and your heart begging for more.

You whimper at the loss of his girth deep within you but welcome the sight of his hand on his turgid member as he strokes himself to completion inside the used-up condom.

“Come in my mouth,” you whine, surprising even yourself with the words. He shudders under your gaze as you twist your body on the mattress in order to face him, to level your eyes with the covered tip of his cock and then he is cursing under his breath, he is grasping your hair and hastily removing the condom to allow you your final wish.

You wrap your lips nicely around him and suck, suck until his abdomen contracts and his hips jerk into your mouth and damn, do you gulp down every single drop of his essence as his eyes bore into yours, as his jaw slacks at the sight before him, as his fingers tug harder on your hair.

“Fucking hell,” he sighs out as you let his limp cock out of your mouth with a little knowing smirk plastered on your swollen lips.

“Well? Did I make up for the lost memories?” You ask, chuckling as he falls on the bed right next to you, his breath ragged and his eyes still shining with bliss. “Oh you most definitely have but, did I live up to my drunk version?” He asks, turning towards you with mirth shining in his eyes.

You suspect he must know the answer already but still, you decide to amuse him.

“Very, Mr Hoseok.” You concede, laughing alongside him before a comfortable silence falls between your bodies.

“This may sound extremely weird and out of line but…would it be too much for me to ask you out on a date or something?”

You laugh at his words, shake your head but still turn towards him, drink up all the fine details of his face and decide that hell, why not?

“Well, that depends.” You say, tilting your head to the side as his eyes turn to slits in suspicion, “Are you going to fuck me as well as you did right now, afterwards?”

You do not know who this bold woman, uttering such lewd words with this much ease but the smile he rewards her with is worth it all.

“Oh, I’ll do it even better.” And then, his lips crush on yours once more and all you can do is say yes, over and over again.

Copyright © 2020 by jeonggukingdom. All rights reserved. Do not repost, do not steal, do not translate without consent.

[everygame]

Blaseball (Web) 

Developed/Published by: The Game Band Released: 20/07/2020 Completed: n/a Completion: Maxed everything in the shop. Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Alright, if you’re here there are two options:

You already love Blaseball and just like reading about it.

You have no idea why people are obsessed with Blaseball.

Now, in the grand tradition of my article on Cinco Paus, because it turns out this tumblr shouldn’t just be about me finishing games and then complaining about how they failed me, I present:

Blaseball or: How You Learn To Stop Hating The Fact The Canadian Team Is Called The “Moist Talkers” And Love A Game That’s Usually Sold As A Communal Storytelling Experience (As Wank As That Sounds)

There’s a challenge here. Blaseball, once you’re in, makes you want to immediately gush about the cool things that are happening in the game, to tell the story of it, but unless you’re definitely tuned in to it, I think it can be somewhat alienating. Like here’s what I want to say, right?

That after the Raptors went out of the NBA playoffs I stopped caring (this is not entirely true; I stopped after the Nuggets put the Clippers out because spite/the lols) and was kind of looking for something else to obsess over in a not-too-active fashion. You see, what kind of got me into sports, as much as learning to enjoy the actual games, is the… theorycrafting? I might be using the term wrong. But it’s looking at the schedules and thinking, “ok, if they beat them, then they’re here, but if they get beat, then they might struggle there” or “trading X player for Y would be the best move… will we do it? Can we do it?”

It’s part of the reason why this year’s NBA bubble was such a success--they created a play-in situation for a group of teams on the edge of the playoffs, and then even though I don’t really care about any of the teams involved, there was so much drama, and so many ways for things to go, that you could spend ages just thinking about how X thing had to happen for Y thing to occur and then get excited if it happened or have to recalculate.

So: Blaseball. It is, ostensibly, a game in which you gamble on baseball blaseball games. I mean for the most part, I will be clear with you, that is it. It’s a game where you make bets and use your winnings to increase your ability to make bigger bets. It’s not even a particularly effortful example of this. There’s no clicker mechanics outside of one involving peanuts that turned out not to do anything, and all games are pretty clearly given odds so you can mostly fire and forget.

However. The thing you have to do with blaseball is actually the thing I have to do with a sport: pick a team and care. It’s not a baseball blaseball betting sim. It’s a sport fan experience. I say experience, not sim, because you will not be pretending to be a fan. You will be a fan, and if it’s for a made up team, who cares? 

I think for a lot of people (the kind of nerds who play this kind of game) that’s a novel experience and I think that for people like me (who like sports) there’s an immediate sense that people are being ironic. You know; “blaseball” doesn’t feel that far from saying “sportsball” and I can’t guarantee that a lot of folk aren’t enjoying it… wrong. But then I also feel like people enjoy actual sports wrong so fuck it (I’d just warn you that if you go hard and join the discord--which is kind of necessary--you might find some people… annoying).

So you might think I’ve just described a few things at cross purposes there: I said you’ve got to be a fan for this to work, but then I also said that the NBA bubble succeeded because it made me care about teams I didn’t care about because of theorycrafting. Well, not exactly: what I’m saying is that in this game you’re going to need one (the ability to be a fan) to make the other pop.

I’m lucky here, because I’m Canadian (among other things) immediately and violently defending the one Canadian team in the thing is instant. I don’t need to put any effort in. I’ve never been the kind of guy who could just pick any team because I like the look of them, maybe you are or maybe you’re actually going to have to live in Charleston to want to support the Shoe Thieves, but let me say: if you are not American, the only correct decision is to support the Moist Talkers despite their terrible name (that I have come to terms with.)

Anyway, now I’ve given you the background, let me explain what happened last season to my team.

During a game, an legendary undead pitcher swapped places with our worst pitcher before, in another game, swapping places with a dog who used to be owned by one of our previous players. Then our fans started a campaign to make sure our best pitcher, who was trapped inside a peanut, would be idolised enough that they’d meet the “Monitor” a huge squid god, which most people assumed would kill them. At the end of the season, the squid cracked open our pitcher’s peanut shell, chose not to eat them and as a result saved them from the end of the post-season, where a vengeful peanut god turned all the players trapped in peanut shells (or, uh, who had Peanut in their name) into an evil team who then played the season champions in a RPG battle-style blaseball game (with hit points and everything) and cursed them. Then, at the end of the season blessings were handed out and thanks to having our best pitcher and receiving and absurd four blessings (including one which increased the size of one of our batters and one that gave a player a fishing net) we were suddenly one of the best teams in the league… with the danger that we might actually win the next season and be forced to fight the peanut god.

Now, as I said above, there’s a fair chance that seemed like absolute drivel to you. And even if it is exciting, I think the most important thing to do is to scroll back up and look at the screenshots and remember that the game doesn’t really have any graphics. Blaseball games occur in a tiny window with a diamond graphic, and so it’s a bit like watching just the corner of the screen in a baseball game. It is not particularly entertaining to watch games (although you can learn how to be captivated by it anyway). The game also, despite not being anything, can take up a massive amount of mental real-estate because you’re going to be checking in on it every hour of almost every day even though all you’re doing each time is clicking ten things and checking scores. It’s probably much too much, and it gets worse when you start to engage with the discord, because as a fan you really have to co-ordinate how to vote for blessings to make sure your team is always improving and you’re raising money for a good reason.

Alright, by this point it’s almost sounding like I’m trying to talk you out of getting into it, and I *do* recommend you don’t sicken yourself of it too quickly by checking it all the time. But most importantly I sort of glossed over what the genius aspect of Blaseball is: that being a fan has a weird, roundabout effect on how well your team does, and that reflects the fact that being a sports fan is not passive. When you watch a game you’re somehow putting everything into it even though you can’t affect anything. It’s why you spend all that time theorycrafting. Here, you, as a group, pool the votes you’ve spent all week raising money for and try and make your team what you want it to be. You don’t get to change what’s going on in a game like it’s Twitch Plays Baseball, or something. That wouldn’t be a fan. In Blaseball, instead, what you do is you try and make your dreams real via collective wishing. It’s only the slightest step up from just being a fan of a real team, and it gets to the heart of the communal experience of being a fan.

If I was the NBA, the NFL or very specifically the MLB I would 100% be looking at Blaseball and how to learn from it. I think there’s a crass version of it--imagine fans of teams in the NBA bubble could have voted to like… make sure their team got the nicest hotel rooms, or nicer meals or something--but giving fans a way to boost their team (outside of the brute force of their psychic power in a home game) by, I don’t know, checking into an app or otherwise engaging is a truly interesting (and honestly kind of disturbing, for people who hate the implications for tracking) concept.

Anyway. Try Blaseball! Pick a team, bet based on the odds, invest in snake oil, idol the best pitcher every game you check, but don’t check too much (and invest in the pitcher pendants, once you’re maxed buy votes and join the discord to find out what your team is voting for/get involved in the conversation. That’s it. But it’s pretty cool.

Will I ever play it again? I mean, it still feels a bit rich to say I’m playing this but I’m invested at least until the Moist Talkers win a season. Which could be this season. I’m really interested to see how much The Game Band expand this, too--I can think of a lot of ways that fans/players can be ever more empowered, but I’m interested in how carefully they could destroy the balance, and so many ways this could simply be more entertaining to look at and engage with (I mean the fact that you have to go to external sites for things like future schedules is kind of wack imho.)

Final Thought: There’s a ton of other stuff people like about this game--making up stories about the players, who they are, drawing them--and the nice thing is I don’t give a flying fuck about any of that and I don’t really have to. You can completely ignore the wiki’s fanfiction if you like and just deal with the reality of the game and how you personally react to it. Or you can really get into it and care about it way more than what’s actually happening on the field. I don’t care, I’m not your dad.

Even if I did just spend a long time shouting at you about sports.

[gojira007]

MORE SONSAL HEADCANONS!  MOOOOORE!!!

Once again, @ninjakasuga​ wrote up a series of SonSal Headcanon Prompts, and once again I’ve been tagged to contribute.  And also once again, I’ve decided to go whole-hog with it, so enjoy some more SonSal 8D

1.) What would a normal non-eventful evening at home for the two be like? 

The sun sets.  Sonic decides to take one last run around the village; Sally watches.  She doesn’t exactly know why she finds it as soothing as she does; maybe it’s just familiarity (or after a certain point nostalgia).  Whatever the reason, though, it’s always a comfort.  He comes back in after a while; she’s picked out a book the two of them can read together.  He always gets really into it when they read together, snuggled up on the couch; he starts up whole conversations about details he finds especially funny or Dramatic.  They’ll have something simple to eat (”something” meaning Chili Dogs for Sonic, like, 99% of the time, but he does like to at least occasionally try out whatever it is Sally’s having), maybe discuss plans for the following day...and then, eventually, without even entirely realizing it, they’ve fallen asleep on top of each other.

2.) Adoption! Yes/No, Why? 

We talked about this a little bit last time, but I do think, if Sonic and Sally were going to have another kid, they’d lean toward Adoption.  Partially because it’s what they know; they effectively did the same thing with Tails, after all, so they have a good sense of what it looks like.  But also, it would in fact be their way of Giving Back, so to speak, of making sure that a kid who lost their family the same way they did would get to have the same kind of support that they did, and that they provided for Tails when he was growing up.  Their hearts, to my mind, would just very naturally go out to a kid in that kind of situation.

3.)  Their Anniversary approaches! What would each do?  

It eventually becomes a bit of a tradition for Sonic to write Sally a song as his anniversary present; the first time through, it is, of course, A Big Deal, but he eventually realizes it means just that little bit more to make it something private, something small and special that the two of them get to share just for themselves.  Sally, meanwhile, uses NICOLE to create a new holographic Racing Course for Sonic that she makes sure is loaded with tricks and tough turns; she knows how much he loves a challenge, and agrees to time him on each one.  And every year, at the end of the day, they go to the Lake of Rings and just...sit together, watching the water and the stars.

4.) Favorite Vacation they took as a couple? 

Angel Island, absolutely.  Partially because it meant sweet-talking Knuckles into letting them do so in the first place, which they both found way, way too fun.  But mostly because they so often visited Angel Island in the past only during times of Crisis; they’d never gotten the chance to just...be there before.  And as it turns out, the gigantic tropical paradise that also gives you a bird’s eye view of the entire planet makes for a gorgeous location.  Besides which, there is so much to do there that they both just love; discovering new mysterious kinds of plants (Sally started up a whole journal just for them!), racing through the jungle, watching all the unique sorts of wild animals that live there...the whole place really is just wonderful, and they’re only sad that they don’t get to see it like that more often.

5.) A special gift they gave the other that really touched their heart. 

 * Once, while venturing into Robotropolis, Sally wound up having to hide out in Uncle Chuck’s old laboratory.  Robotnik had unsurprisingly stripped the place bare of any potentially useful equipment or data a long time ago...but there was one thing he hadn’t noticed: a small lock-box.  Upon investigating it, Sally discovered something she’d never seen before: a faded photograph of Sonic as a child (even younger than when they’d first met!) with Chuck at the future site of the Lake of Rings.  Sally managed to take the box and photo with her back to Knothole without Sonic knowing.  The photo’s colors had faded all but completely, likewise the film it was printed on was so fragile that even the slightest upset could break the whole thing.  So she secretly worked with NICOLE to create a restored version of the picture, which she then gifted to Sonic alongside an explanation of where it had come from.

* Sonic remembered once when he and Sally were kids, she showed him “the Acorn Royal Family Tree”: literally, a small, unique kind of tree planted in the palace gardens.  It used to be a tradition each year for the Royal Family to visit the tree together and see what new blossoms had managed to spring up on it.  Unsurprisingly, the tree was destroyed when Robotnik took over...but as it happened, Sonic was able to discover the seeds during one of his globe-hopping adventures.  He thus privately planted and nurtured it, and once it had begun to fully mature, he made sure to show Sally, promising her that she could visit the tree with her Knothole family the way she had with her father.

6.) Sally’s pregnant, how do they handle the pregnancy ups and downs

Ironically, it becomes something like an Inversion of their usual selves: Sonic goes full Worrywart, freaking out every time Sally’s stomach feels funny or she gets a bit too sweaty or Literally Whatever.  Sally, by contrast, becomes much more impulsive; if she wants to eat, she’ll eat.  If she feels like taking a nap, boom, nap time.  They both love trying to think up names together, too; indeed, they take to brainstorming them almost once every week (and one suspects it takes them as long as it does because they enjoy the Game of it too much to let it go; seeing how absurd their suggestions can go before they can get the other to laugh is a particular favorite).  

7.) Parenting, how do they tackle it together? 

You would think much the same way they did with Tails, and indeed if there’s any one thing they do take away from that, it’s their ability to work together in making sure the kid get support, attention, protection, and love.  But, assuming this new kid comes after the end of the War (which I choose to believe, because I absolutely don’t think they would intentionally have a kid during the War), the truth is, much like with the pregnancy, it plays out almost like the reverse: Sonic is a very protective Dad, and wants to make sure his kid doesn’t have to learn about the harshness of the world until they absolutely have to.  Sally, meanwhile, works very hard to give the kid access to new ideas and experiences; she is very eager to give her kid the kind of childhood she’d always wanted.  Still, while this occasionally leads to disagreements on How Much Is Too Much/Too Soon, at the end of the day they are every bit as much a Team as parents as they were as Freedom Fighters, and as such they do a really good job of delegating and sharing responsibilities.    

8.) Which of them is the parent to freak out most when their kid/s get into the dating age? 

Honestly?  They both take it pretty well.  Assuming their kid ends up showing much interest in dating to begin with, by that point they’ve both learned to trust their kid enough that while they will absolutely be mindful for signs of unhappiness or Cause For Alarm, they’re also not going to interfere too much; even Sonic The Protective Dad knows well enough how important it is to give kids space to make their own choices on this front.  

9.) Who starfishes the most? 

Sally, absolutely and without question.  Like...Sonic can get tuckered out sometimes, but not much, and when he does it’s an easy enough thing for him to nap off.  But when Sally gets exhausted?  She gets EXHAUSTED.  And that means a good, long Starfishing is in order.  Sonic does like teasing her about this sometimes, but for the most part he honestly finds it adorable.

10.) Oh no, one of them is sick, how do they handle tending to their loved one? 

Here, at last, we see them very much in the Modes we would expect: Sally goes Full Doctor, checking every bit of medical data she can find, comparing symptoms, preparing five gajillion different treatments (in descending order of Back-Up In Case The Previous Treatment Doesn’t Work), that sort of thing.  Sonic, meanwhile, is more reactive; whatever Sally needs, she just has to ask and he’ll do it in a flash.  Hot soup?  Cold press?  Another blanket?  Name it, it’s done.  

[durotoswrites]

We Have Each Other

A More Friends of Mineral Town/HM for Girl one-shot I wrote a while back.

Summary: "This was a mistake." When a disaster strikes their farm, Claire and her husband are dumbfounded as they struggle to pick up the pieces. Despite an uncertain future ahead, she learns that some things will never change. (Originally Posted on fanfiction.net)

-----

We Have Each Other

She sloshed inside and wrung the water out of her hair with a deep sigh, her twisted blonde locks resting on her shoulder.

So this was failure…

The rain dripped loudly in the pot Claire had set on the dining table.  Each splash reminded her of the gravity of the situation.  One bad season could do an unlucky farmer in, after all.  She kicked off her muddy boots in frustration and discarded her waterlogged denim overalls, flannel shirt, and drenched socks.  She buried her face in her hands, but the tears refused to come, much to her dismay.

Her husband closed the door behind him with a quiet click.  Mud-caked shoes were discarded on the mat beside Claire’s.  He quietly stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her chest.

The young woman remained motionless.  They hadn’t spoken since breakfast and they had worked together outside in silence, dazed at what they had witnessed.  He nuzzled her shoulder, silently asking her to speak what was on her mind, just as they always did when one of them was upset.  She let out a scoff at why he would want such a thing today, but it was too late; the words flowed out before she could stop them.  “This was a mistake,” she whispered bitterly.  “I can’t believe I sunk so much money into those seeds!  There’s no way we’re going to turn a profit this season, and we’ll be lucky if we can even manage to pay our bills.  I-I’m such an idiot!”  Her voice had risen into a shriek and her knees went weak as she felt the room begin to spin.

He gently turned her around and held her in a tight embrace; she was on the verge of hysterics.  She always blamed herself whenever anything went wrong. “We had no way of knowing a monsoon would hit weeks ago when we decided to invest.”  He brushed her damp bangs out of her eyes and pressed his lips against her forehead.  Her shoulders relaxed a bit as she leaned into him, his body slightly rocking back and forth to the soft rhythm of the water dripping from the ceiling.  

They stood in silence together for a few moments, taking in the aftermath of the destruction, the gentle swaying therapeutic.  The crop fields had taken a heavy hit from the storm; they would be lucky if a quarter of them survived.  Trenches had been dug throughout the day in an attempt to drain the fields.  Squashed green tomatoes and snapped corn stalks had littered the plots of mud, scattered about and causing dams.  A fallen tree had nearly missed their house and the stables and barns had remained standing, albeit leaky.  His place of employment hadn’t fared much better – broken fence posts and trellises were spread about, and several roof shingles needed to be replaced. There was a lot of cleaning up to do.

“You are the cleverest, most resourceful person I know, and I know a thing or two about getting by without much money.”  He affectionately brushed his nose against hers.  He paused for a moment as their eyes locked and he cupped her cheeks in his hands.  “Everything will work out, love.”

At the sincerity in his eyes, she found herself relaxing a bit.  Claire moved her hands to his shoulders and danced with him.  An unwilling smile spread across her face as her foot kept landing on the squeaky floorboard halfway between the dining area and kitchen, realizing the absurdity of dancing to no music while wearing nothing but her undergarments.  “How can you be so sure, Cliff?  I… I wish I had the amount of faith that you do…”  Her relationship with the gods wasn’t a bad one by any means, but she admired and was a bit jealous of his fearlessness about the future. “Wh-what’s going to happen to us?” Claire choked.

“It’s simple,” he murmured, pulling her close.  “You’ll have me, and I’ll have you.  That will never change.  Nothing will ever be as precious to me as you are.  As long as I have you, I have joy.”

It was such a simple declaration, but it made a lump form in her throat.  “W-we have each other…” she reiterated, closing her eyes.  

“That’s what I told you the day we got married, remember?”

Many details were blurry, but she could clearly recall gazing into his starry eyes with unbridled joy as the future awaited them, her ears drinking in his sweet words.  Things really hadn’t changed that much, she realized. She nodded as a goofy grin spread across her lips.  A couple of tears streamed down her cheeks and he quickly kissed them away.

“I didn’t mean to depress you with such a horrible fate,” he teased, giving her a coy wink.  “Being stuck with me forever and all…”

Claire looked up at her husband.  His damp hair clung to his face and when she gave him a squeeze, his saturated tunic dripped rainwater like a sponge.  Her undershirt became even more soaked and she shook her head with a smirk, unfastening the tie at his waist and casting the wet garment off to the side.  “It’s terrible!  Especially being married to a man who doesn’t even know how to properly dry himself off!”

“What’s the point if I’m just planning to get even wetter with you?”  He gave her a playful nip on the neck.

She let out a tiny squeal and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks, hearing the implication in his words. “You are absolutely filthy!” she chided.

“Which is exactly why we’re going to take a hot bath, pervert,” he teased, kissing her hand and taking it, leading her to the bathroom.

She stopped walking and he turned toward her curiously.  “We have each other,” she repeated, her eyebrows unfurrowing.

He pulled his wife into a deep kiss and scooped her up with a grin and a nod.  “And that’s all we’ll ever need.”

0o0o0o0

Thanks for Reading!

Feel free to check out my other fanfictions on Archive of Our Own or fanfiction.net.  Username is Durotos for both sites. :)  

[mrs-dragneel-stark-solo]

Unforseen Chasm

Part 5 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count: 2313 Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93​ what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Disclaimer: Parts 1-5 were background information and helped to set up the story so that you as the audience can understand how the reader ends up where she does. 

Part 6 of this series is when the story shifts. Part 12 will kickstart a series of events that set a mood the rest of the entire fic series. So please bear with the story. It may start out slow, but we did this to build relationships, dynamics, understandings... Thor 1 is one of the FEW MCU films that we detailed. Many of the MCU films will not be this detailed and take up so many chapters. A lot of our content will take place outside of the MCU films, the gaps between the films. We didn't really want to just "rewrite" the MCU movies. Nothing in this series is filler. Every word has a purpose, every scene a reason.

You awoke early, surprisingly. Perhaps you were too excited to head back with Shannon, or maybe you were still reeling from meeting Thor. Whatever it was, you were up and making breakfast for the whole crew. Thor sat at the table talking to Darcy, Erik, and Shannon while you hummed a favorite song of yours. You weren’t sure where you’d heard it, or how long ago. All you knew was that it was a song from your childhood and it always seemed to comfort you. 

Suddenly, Thor was standing next to you. 

“Oh, hey Thor. How do you like your eggs? Do you eat eggs?” you asked. 

“That song, where do you know it from?” he demanded.

“What?” you asked, frowning. “Oh, uh, I don’t know. I’ve just always sort of, known it, why?”

“I know it, from my youth. My mother used to sing me that when I felt ill.”

You laughed. “Thor that’s absurd. We couldn’t possibly have the same music on Earth as on Asgard,” you stated, shaking your head.

With a loaded tone, he said, “I know.”

Before he could dwell on it further though, a sudden knock came at the door, making you two turn. You saw four burly warriors that seemed entirely too happy.

“Found you!” the largest one said with a giddy wave. 

Your jaw dropped before Thor raced over and embraced the people. “My friends!” he proclaimed. “This is good!”

“I don’t believe it! Oh, excuse me. Lady Sif, and the warriors three,” the largest one said with a slight bow, introducing themselves to you all. 

“My friends, I have never been happier to see anyone. But you should not have come.”

“We’re here to take you home.”

“You know I can’t go home. My father is… dead because of me. I must remain in exile.”

The lady known as Sif frowned and said, “Thor, your father still lives.” 

Thor’s face morphed into that of confusion and you approached.

“I thought you said that your father died,” you questioned.

“That’s what Loki told me,” he informed, looking at you, his own confusion washing over his face. 

“So what does this all mean?” you asked, concerned for your friend.

“I’m not sure but--”

A loud noise interrupted Thor’s thoughts. Glass and metal shattering hit the air, as did a large thud.

“The hell was that?” you asked, but when you looked straight down mainstreet from inside the lab, you could clearly see it -- a large mechanical destroying machine. He had a beam of fire? Energy? Some form was leaving him and slicing through everything, flipping cars, cutting through buildings. 

“That’s my father’s Destroyer,” Thor remarked with a frown. All of you headed outside to get a better look. Thor quickly turned to all of you. “Jane, you have to leave.” 

“What are you gonna do?” she asked as she watched him walk towards his friends. 

“I’m staying here.”

“Thor is gonna fight with us!” the large warrior announced, clearly glad to have his friend fighting with him. 

“My friends, I’m just a man. I’ll only be in the way, or worse get one of you killed. But I can help get these people to safety.”

“If you’re staying, so are we,” you adamantly stated, looking to Jane who gave a firm nod. Another glance to the other side of you, where Shannon stood and she affirmed as well. 

With that, everyone began trying to get citizens to safety while Thor’s friends worked to try and end the Destroyer. Eventually, you and Shannon stood back away from the firefight. The warriors were getting defeated, horribly, and there wasn’t anything you could do. Shannon’s powers in this case were of no help, so all you could do was stand and watch as it hurt these warriors, and tore through the little town. 

That was, until, Thor told the others to stand down. He told the warriors to return to Asgard, to stop his brother. The wounded warriors and the research team started to leave before you saw that Thor dropped his shield. You broke free from the group and stared.

“Wait… What’s he doing?” you asked, turning back to Jane and Shannon, and even the warriors. You needed some kind of answer, but no one had one to offer. 

As he walked toward the formidable machine, he seemed to be talking, but what he was saying you weren’t sure. The Destroyer disengaged its system, seemed to stand down, as it turned around. But then suddenly, it backhanded Thor hard and sent him flying, an ugly crack coming from his body.

“No!” you gasped, running toward the flying form of your new friend. Thor landed hard on his back and you were quick to his side, as was Jane. 

“It’s over,” he promised, looking to you two.

“No, it’s not over,” Jane said and all you could do was look at him, your heart breaking for a man you’d only known a couple of days. 

“I mean… you’re safe now.”

With that, he breathed his last breath and a strangled noise came from you as you stood there, looking down on a man you called friend. Jane started to cry as well, begging against the powers that be. Shannon was about to make her way over to you, to console you, but suddenly, a noise hit the air. 

All of you looked towards it. It was the hammer. The hammer was soaring through the air at incredible speeds. Selvig ran over to grab Jane, but you were left standing beside Thor, as if awaiting impact of the hammer. 

But nothing happened -- well, not to you. 

The hammer came within four feet of your head, but it was held in Thor’s tight grasp as he seemed to regain life. Lightning struck all around him, and all around you. Before your very eyes, he got a new outfit. Armor encompassed his body, a cape flowed off his back, and his wounds were healed. 

Before you could say a word, however, Thor sent Mjolnir at the Destroyer twice, then summoned a mighty storm, before bringing the machine into it, where he used the Destroyer’s power against it, causing it to implode on itself.

Thor landed, walking over to Jane where they talked briefly before SHIELD arrived, stating they were returning all of her work and equipment. Thor asked if you, Jane, and Shannon would see the Bifrost portal. You nodded fervently and Jane said she’d love to see it. With that, he grabbed Jane while the rest of you piled into either Jane’s camper or Shannon’s car and went to the site where you first met Thor. 

Once all of you converged, he spoke to Jane for a quick moment then turned to you.

“Lady Y/N, may I have a moment?” he requested kindly.

“Uh, sure,” you answered, frowning a bit. 

“Jane, Lady Shannon. Would you mind if I spoke to Lady Y/N alone?” he asked. 

“Not at all,” Jane said before stepping away. 

“Sure,” Shannon permitted.

When you and Thor took a few more steps away from them, Thor turned to you and began. “Lady Y/N, there is no easy way to say this, so I will say it. I think you’re Asgardian. I believe you have Asgardian blood in you and… to be frank, I’d like you to return with me.”

“What about Jane?” you asked, gesturing to your colleague. He seemed to favor her more than you. 

“I will return for Jane, but right now, I feel it’s important you come back with me. I need to see what my brother is doing. You’re of Asgardian descent, I know this in my bones. When I look at you, I see the aura that surrounds all Asgardians. I would like your assistance in this matter. You seem to already know a great deal about my family from your studies, and you somehow know the lullaby my mother used to sing me. I feel there are answers we must find, don’t you agree?”

“Yes, but… I’m… I live on Earth. I have friends, a life here… I can’t just go back to Asgard with you,” you tried. “When will I come back, anyway?”

“With hope, in a few days time, once we have all our questions answered. I will return for Jane, and I will bring you back. Forgive me if I am wrong, but you’ve felt it too, since I’ve arrived. There is some connection between you and I, and I feel you long to know why as well.”

You chewed your lip. He had you there. And the curiosity side of you, the scientific side of you didn’t want to say no.

“What do you say, Y/N? Will you join me in Asgard to find the answers we seek?”

You glanced back to your research team, to Shannon, and then back to Thor. “I will join you.”

“Splendid.”

“Let me just tell my friend goodbye? She is like a sister to me,” you explained.

“Of course.”

Thor stepped over to Jane, to tell her goodbye while you stepped over to Shannon. It only took a blink of an eye to feel the lump growing in your throat, suddenly realizing once you got to Asgard, you wouldn't see Shannon. There would be no Skype calls, no texts, no emails. And who knew for how long? Thor said a few days, but it sounded like Loki was determined to kill him, so that may not be an option.

But… you had to know. There was a past to you. There was something awakened inside you since Thor had shown up, and you had to know what it was. 

“So... uh, Thor wants me to go back to Asgard with him. Uh, here's my recorder that I promised you. Take whatever you need from it. Or whatever Stark needs. I hope you find it helpful,” you said, your voice trembling as you handed over your device. 

She took it with a concerned face, holding the recorder close to her chest as her eyes bored into yours. “Are you sure about this?” 

You waited a moment, glancing back to Thor. When you looked back at Shannon, you took her hand and squeezed it. “I’m sure. I can’t explain it but--”

Shannon nodded, cutting you off. “It’s okay, I get it… Just be careful, Y/N. We’re practically sisters, I can’t lose you and not know…” 

It was your turn to nod. “I know, I know,” you insisted, choking a sob down. 

“Well, here.” She took her phone out and gave it to you. “Here’s my phone to take pictures of whatever you can. I’d love to be able to see what you find.”

“I will,” you vowed before yanking her into a tight hug, gripping her hard against you. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Oh, Y/N, it hurts me to see you leave but I know that this is something you’ve always dreamed of.” She took a deep breath and gazed up, to try and stop the flow of tears.

Guilt clenched your heart, but you knew she supported you. Besides, she had Tony and Bruce and a myriad of others to keep her company in your absence.

“I wish I could go with you but Tony needs me to run through some things for him and with the recorder you gave me, I have everything I need for why I came out here in the first place.”

You nodded, giving her a soft smile. “I wish you could go too. But I'll be back soon. As soon as I can be... I hope to find all the answers to my questions…”

“And hopefully when you get them we can process through them together, like always.”

You embraced once more before Shannon glanced back to Thor, letting go of you before thrusting her head back, signaling for Thor to come over to her. 

“Yes, Lady Shannon?” Thor asked, as he approached. 

“Please, call me Shannon. I wanted to know if there is any way that I could be in contact with Y/N if anything were to happen or if I can just check on her?”

“It may be the only thing I have to offer, but a small portal that a raven could fly through,” Thor stated. 

“Thank you, Thor, it’ll give me some peace of mind. Will you plan to come back to earth any time soon? If you do I would be glad to show you around New York.”

"I shall return as quickly as I can," he promised with a smile. "I'm sure this York of New is lovely. For now I must return home and see what my brother has done to the kingdom. I thank you for all your help and allowing me to return with Y/N.”

“You’re welcome. Treat her right, and have a safe journey,” Shannon said before Thor stepped onto the portal spot, joining the warriors before he called out for Heimdall. In a flash, Shannon was behind you, her arms wrapped around you, “I’m going to miss you, Y/N/N.” 

You touched her arm and whispered, “And I you.” 

She let you go, and stepped away. 

You braced for something, for what, you weren’t sure. You tensed all of your muscles and soon, a bright, rainbow light engulfed your senses. You thought you could wave goodbye but by the time you realized what was happening, you were being launched up. 

Before you knew it, the portal was open and you were being sucked up. The feeling was terrifying, being weightless, not knowing where you were going or what would happen to you once you got there. But in another odd sense, it felt as if you were heading home. The closer you got to this mystery destination, the more powerful and energized you felt.

Tag List:

Unforseen Chasm:

@reigningqueenofwords​

@oldfreakything​

Tags:

@cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you

@winchester-writes

@winchesterenthusiast​

@georgialouisea​

@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​

@dammit-stark​

@livelikeawinchester​

@sammysbuttcheek​

@misz-adrii​

@sandlee44​

@womanxofletters​

@natsuccs​

@childishhoebinoo​​

@expecteddifferent​

@girl-next-door-writes​

@fanaticfanfiction​

@dakotapaigelove​

@sassy-spn-knight-of-hell​

[ghost-chance]

TITLE:              Still Waters

AUTHOR:          Infernalitae FANDOM:          Friday the 13th, movies.     Hence why I’m posting this on Friday, December 13th. I totally planned this...at the last minute. RATING:            M (no smut yet but I’m eagerly a-waitin’ for it.) PAIRING(S):      Jason Voorhees/OFC FOUND ON:      FFNet, AO3 (AO3 has pictures with each chapter)

DEETS:  Mild spoilers. This story has everything I look for in fanfiction. To start with, the basics: Spelling/Grammar/formatting/punctuation are all on-point, or mistakes are sparse enough I haven’t noticed any yet. (It takes maybe one mistake per chapter or something for me to miss those, or I have to get so sucked in by the story I won’t even notice smoke alarms going off. It’s happened.) Syntax is creative and widely varied, there are plenty of music and culture references to chew on, and there’s enough well-chosen purple prose to make me want to hold up a lighter and sway in place like a stoner at a Grateful Dead concert. ...yes, I’ve managed to refrain so far. No promises I’ll always refrain. This writer is KILLING IT, here, and I’m loving every sentence! They reportedly went to school for writing and it freakin’ shows. I just about cried when I found out this was their only published story on either site. The OC is well-rounded, believable, and in full possession of her faculties and a functional (if eventually more flexible) moral compass. The romantic connection is NOT rushed in the slightest - it’s dragged out every step of the way - and sexual tension is not used as a substitute for romantic interest and emotional connection. S.L.O.W. burn here, folks, and it’s a Work in Progress. Face it. It’s easy to say “I’d hit that” when talking about a fictional anti-hero with biceps like trees and issues out the ass, but given the chance, most of us would reach for the mace and run away shrieking like ninnies. That is, after all, the rational response to running into an armed person covered in blood, guts, and grey matter. The OC, Whitney, behaves more rationally than the average horny fan. She overthinks things. She broods. She second-guesses herself, has mood-swings, makes mistakes, she fucks up royally, she does and says things that sounded better in her head, and sometimes she makes absolutely no sense, because that’s how people are. She endlessly debates between right and wrong, between hormones and Stockholm Syndrome, and between heart and mind. She never approves of Jason’s killing sprees (I mean, come on, people seriously think approval is a healthy reaction to finding out someone put a machete through your boyfriend’s skull?) and she’s spent a great deal of time silently assessing his mental and emotional capacity and acting accordingly. Nope, no pedo-squick here, yay! (- because pairing a mentally challenged adult with someone who literally baby-talks to them is just...I mean...ew. Just ew. The very idea makes me want to bathe in bleach.) I strongly suspect when the sparks finally start flying between these two (as opposed to simmering under the surface) we’ll see one of two scenarios: He’ll make the first move purely out of instinct and she’ll swallow her tongue from surprise, or she’ll finally lose control, think “OhshitIbrokehim,” and swallow her tongue when he reciprocates. Either way, she’s totally gonna choke on her own tongue and I’m gonna need popcorn. FYI, the most recently-posted chapter, Six Feet Under, is going to go on my headstone as cause of death should I kick the bucket in the next seven days. I don’t know how else to put it, the story is just that awesome.

WARNINGS: First off, let me make something clear. Being a small fandom, there are far more bog-awful Friday the 13th fics than there are good ones. (No, I’m not naming names of bog-awful ones, you’ll have to find them yourself.) Naturally, I went into Still Waters expecting something like that manky majority or, if I was lucky, something at least halfway decent. When a fandom is small enough, your normal standards tend to...eh...lower...just so you have reading material. Most stories I’ve found before have absurd middle-school-drama plots, paper-thin OCs, excessive glorification of senseless violence, and frankly shitty spelling and grammar. The worst have squick-twigging childlike Jason/creepy adult pairings that poke my gag reflex; some even have pedo-flavored smut that makes me run away screaming and craving the taste of soap to wash away the bile. They literally make me throw up a little in my mouth. There are some absolute HORRORS in this fandom. Again, I’m not naming names.

THIS story, while not disgusting, does need some warnings. Obviously there’s violence - sometimes graphic, sometimes less graphic - and other topics common to the movies. (meaning references to drugs, sex, drinking, asshole boyfriends, bullying, and some cursing, etc) There’s occasional disturbing imagery, mostly regarding injuries and environmental hazards. The toughest bit to chew on is what drives the first part of the story, plot-wise: Whitney coming to trust, accept, and even, perhaps, fall in love with, the hockey-masked hooligan we all know by heart. It’s gritty and bloody, and there are a lot of moments where you can almost feel your own moral compass wavering according to the plot. Angst, some horror, (I mean, you’ve gotta expect that much) some suggestive content, controversial topics, etc. Hopefully we’ll get some smut in the future, or at least some fade-to-black limes. Basically, if the idea of the story, pairing, or fandom squicks you, don’t read it; if you read and you’re squicked beyond recovery, back out and find something else to read, you were warned.

RECOMMENDATION LEVEL: 10/10. Yes. Ten. out. of. farkin’. TEN. It DOES exist! THIS is the kind of fan-writing that gets a perfect rating from my picky self. Seriously, I can’t find a single thing to complain about in this other than I’m impatiently waiting for new chapters. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve bitten my nails, I’ve argued with the characters while reading on the bus and looked like a nutcase, the works. (Yes. I’ve literally bitched at the characters while reading on the bus. I’m probably on a list now. In my defense it was an intense chapter and I was immersed to the scalp. Worth it.)

Just read it. Seriously, just read it.

[ignis-scientia-estrogen-brigade]

~ISEB in Japan: A Photo Journal~

If you’ve been following me on Twitter lately, you’ll know that I’ve been traveling through parts of Japan the last couple of weeks with my Ignis Play Arts Kai figure in tow. I posted a few pictures over there during the duration of my trip, but those barely scratched the surface of everything I got to do while in Japan. So I thought I’d put together a blog post of my journey while it was still fresh in my mind, featuring everyone’s favorite strategist in what I’ve been dubbing my Great Final Fantasy XV Adventure of 2019!

[Image-heavy content + commentary under the cut]

A brief backstory: I’ve wanted to go to Japan my entire adult life. For years, I’ve watched friends make the trek while I’ve been stuck at home with a severe case of FOMO. The only thing that ever stopped me from going was money (or a lack thereof), so I made the decision last summer to buckle down and sock away every dime I made to make it happen. My only concern before hopping on the plane was that I had missed the wave of FFXV popularity by about a year, but I would quickly learn that—other than not getting to eat any of Ignis’ recipes at the Square Enix Cafe—I had little to worry about.

Literally the only reason I brought my Play Arts Kai figure was so I could take this picture of Ignis at the Citadel (a.k.a. the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building), which was the very first place I stopped at on my first full day in Tokyo. The building + the surrounding plaza, while not 100% accurate, is a fairly impressive facsimile of the one in the game. It’s located in Shinjuku, which also boasts a lot of similarities to Insomnia. Having finished Episode Ardyn mere hours before jetting off on my trip, it felt like I had stepped off the plane and right into the game!

There just so happened to be an Animate right near the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building, so I popped in to get a feel for what kind of FFXV merch I’d be able to find two years after the game’s release and a year after its height of popularity. Turns out, there was quite a lot of swag to be found! Truth be told, I’ve never been one to chase down official merchandise (unfortunately my job doesn’t really afford that luxury), but I gave myself special permission while on vacation to buy anything I wanted. So I did! Including everything you see above. ^^;;

The next thing I did was take the train to Ginza to meet Lyle/@landscape-gonna  (@landscape_gonna on Twitter), and I simply cannot say enough nice things about her. If you don’t know who she is, there’s a 99.9% chance you’ve seen at least one of her Ignis costumes, and they are A. M. A. Z. I. N. G. We had chatted a bit previously on Twitter before I went full-on stan mode, asking her if she'd be willing to meet up with me (a total stranger) to have lunch and talk Ignis and Final Fantasy. Not only did she say yes, but she gifted me with copies of her incredible cosplay zines and was not the least embarrassed when I busted out my Play Kai Arts figure in the middle of a busy Japanese dessert restaurant haha.

See? Zero embarrassment here.

We even did Noct’s ultimate pose! In public!

I can’t begin to articulate how special meeting Lyle was for me—being brought together from opposite sides of the world to share in our love for Ignis/FFXV is a memory I will cherish my entire life. So Lyle, if you are reading this: どうもありがとうございます ! ٩( ᐛ )( ᐖ )۶

Lyle wasn't the only friend I had in Japan. Another friend of mine, Asuka (who happens to be well-versed in anime/video game culture), volunteered to be my guide through Ikebukuro/Otome Road the next day. Quick otaku lesson: Kbooks is a chain of stores that specializes in the resale of licensed merchandise. For example, if you missed out on some of the limited availability items from the Movic and the Square Enix Cafe collaborations, you might be able to find them at a Kbooks. Otome Road in particular has something like seven different Kbook shops in a 3-block radius, each one specializing in different products (sports anime, idols, cosplay, etc). I, of course, beelined for the video game shop...

...which is where I found this fucking thing:

I’m not gonna lie, I almost bought it. I just didn’t know what I would do with it besides scare the living daylights out of people when they least expected it lol.

Yoooo Adam I found ya boi in Ikebukuro

We popped into the cosplay Kbooks shop since it was right across the street and I found an Ignis costume for sale! Please enjoy this picture of me pretending to come up with a new recipeh (since this is likely the closest I’ll ever come to cosplaying as Ignis).

One of the things Asuka introduced me to was Hanami (picnic under the cherry blossoms, basically). I had timed my trip to coincide with the blooming of the sakura, and the experience of being in Japan during that time was indescribable. I took a bajillion pictures of the sakura while I was there and unfortunately none of my photos ever quite captured the beauty and magic of them in person, but here’s a lil’ pic of a tree in bloom at Yoyogi Park (with the Movic Ignis charm I bought at Kbooks earlier that day).

Another item on my Japan checklist was to stay at a ryokan (traditional Japanese inn) in Hakone, a town famous for its onsen/hot springs. Nothing in Hakone is cheap (at least, not during peak sakura season), and I had spent an absurd amount of money on a night at one particular ryokan with a private bath (shy husband haha). The private bath could only be reserved in 30-minute increments, and by the time we finally rolled into Hakone the bath we wanted only had one slot available for the rest of the night. So what did I do?

If you said, “Waste the first 15 minutes of your 30-minute, super-expensive onsen experience taking the perfect Ignis-in-a-hot-springs photo” then you would be absolutely correct lol.

I actually wasn’t planning on taking a bunch of photos of my Ignis figure on this trip, but after my husband tucked Ignis into my futon while I was in the bathroom, documenting my trip vicariously through Ignis ended up taking on a life of its own. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I popped back over to Tokyo after my stay in Hakone, which is when I finally got to make the Great Nerd Pilgrimage™ to the Square Enix Cafe! Had the FFXV collab been going on while I was there, I might’ve forked over the cash to eat at the cafe, but I opted to skip out on lunch so I could spend more money in their shop. They still had a small collection of FFXV merch...

...including this acrylic Ignis stand that I wanted but thought I would never own after failing to find it at Kbooks earlier in the week. Huzzah!

Also, I just feel the need to let everyone know that this is what the outside of the Square Enix Cafe in Tokyo looks like lmao.

Our next stop was Kyoto, which we arrived in on Gladio’s birthday (April 2nd). Unfortunately I didn’t have time to draw anything for his b-day, but we did stop for a Nissin Cup Noodle in honor of Gladio!

One of the most memorable moments of my trip was when this boating incident happened, and it requires a little bit of backstory. On my first full day in Kyoto, I attempted to field two of the most popular tourist destinations in Kyoto: the bamboo forest in Arashiyama, and the Fushimi Inari Shrine. Both places have their beauty and historical significance, and I suspect during the off-season are inspiring sites to behold. In my case, both places were absolutely swarming with tourists, which really put a damper on my enjoyment of them. Defeated, I followed a local canal back toward my hotel, which is where I spotted a miniature boat enthusiast controlling a boat that looked eerily similar to the Royal Vessel. I pulled my Ignis figure out with the intention of simply taking a photo of the boat in the background; when the man saw me holding my figure and fumbling with my phone, he flagged me over and gestured for me to put Ignis in the boat. I wish I had documented how it all went down a little better, but as I was literally wheezing with laughter, the above was the best I could capture.

One of the more off-the-cuff decision I made was to dress in kimono for a day while in Gion (Kyoto). As the cherry blossoms were at their height during my stay there, you couldn’t sneeze without hitting someone who was dressed traditionally for the numerous festivals that were taking place throughout the city. As a white foreigner, I initially had reservations about wearing a kimono (for fear of cultural appropriation), but I did everything I could to be as respectful and reverent whilst wearing the garb (and the rental shop was certainly happy for the patronage). It was an amazing experience and I would definitely do it again!

Speaking of being respectful, I made it a point not to take pictures of Ignis while visiting any shrines (because nothing screams ‘douchey American’ quite like whipping out an action figure on sacred grounds), hence why I don’t have pictures of any of the major shrines we visited in this post. I did, however, spot this miniature shrine arch in an alleyway, and thought it would be okay for my equally miniature strategist to pay his respects.

Literally, a tiny shrine in an alleyway. I suppose even alleys have their deities!

Osaka is about 20 minutes away from Kyoto by train, and since I had already traveled all the way out to Kyoto, I went the extra few miles to stop by the Square Enix Cafe in Osaka. They actually had a smaller selection of FFXV merch than the one in Tokyo and I didn’t end up buying anything, but I would’ve never stopped wondering if I had missed out on something if I hadn’t gone and seen it for myself!

My last day in Kyoto was a week into my trip, and I still had five days left to go. After walking ~10 miles every day (no joke, I have the GPS screenshots to prove it!), I was really starting to feel the grind. I’m sure Ignis was also desperate for an Ebony after being lugged around in the bottom of my purse for a week lol.

Back on the Shinkansen (bullet train) to Tokyo!

Weeeeeee (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Said hi to Fuji-san!

Stopped for a delicious matcha parfait! (Shout-out to my husband who never once got annoyed with me whenever I busted out my figure in public spaces lol)

This was without a doubt the craziest and most unexpected find of any of my merch runs. I had gone to the video game Kbooks in Ikebukuro earlier in the week and had sifted through all their Ignis merch with a fine-toothed comb. This particular Movic charm was one I had been on the lookout for, but it was a rare pull even when they were readily available a year ago, and the only Ignis charm I came across in my first trip to Kbooks was the normal Ignis one (see my Hanami pic). I had no real reason to return to Ikebukuro after I got back from Kyoto, but on a whim I went one last time and BAM—this guy was hanging out there in his lil’ baggie, just waiting for me to get my grubby little hands on him. Jackpot!

All in all, I spent way too much money and I couldn’t be happier for it. The only thing I couldn’t find for the life of me was the Ignis cologne by Movic, but after searching through several Animates and Kbooks, I began to suspect it might be an online-exclusive item that wasn’t available in stores. (Which was probably a good thing for me cause I was already stretching my budget to the limit by this point haha.)

On my last night in Japan, I went back to the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building—only this time I went at night when it was all lit up! I also went up to the observation deck on the 45th floor (something I didn’t know you could do the first time I was there) and enjoyed a fantastic view of nighttime Insomnia Tokyo. It was the perfect bookend to a perfect trip, and my heart is absolutely overflowing right now with love for both Japan and Final Fantasy XV!

[cateringisalie]

Renegade Aeris x Cloud Week Day 2

Written for the prompt ‘Maps’. Another AU. Oddly enough...

Aeris Gainsborough considered herself the most knowledgeable person on the Planet where the Ancients, or rather, Cetra were know. She might be young, but she had spent long hours in the known ruins thanks to her (occasionally sinister) patron, the Shinra Electric Company. Quite what a power company with a sideline in weapons development wanted with a long dead culture was a mystery but every part of it was fascinating and enthralling and if the company was willing to pay for her findings – however meagre she was content.

She seemed to be lucky more than anything else. More papers, more books and more detail in the five years since had been undertaking the research project than anyone in a century prior. There was an almost instinctual way Aeris knew which ruins held something of interest, or that this wall blocked some interesting curios, or that barren patch of ground was the right elevation, positioning and proximity to other known ancient structures to be a likely location for a Cetra structure. Success could not last forever, and there remained an odd fear on every expedition that something would go wrong this time, that she would be absolutely certain as she always was – and find nothing. No hidden structure, no sealed up container with a dozen scrolls in difficult to parse glyphs in a language no one could speak or read. Occasionally the worry prevented her sleeping; she had succeeded so far, thrown away anything and everything else to focus so completely on this one skill of hers. What happened when, or perhaps more optimistically, if it ever abandoned her? No answers as yet. And the stranger challenged everything she knew or perhaps thought she knew. He arrived late at night when she was considering taking a break and vegging out at home. “Doctor Gainsborough?” A hooded figure peered into her office. “Yes?” “I wondered if I could beg a moment of your time. About the Cetra?” Curious already; few used the correct term even within her field. Fewer outside it – and the stranger was assuredly not someone from her incredibly narrow field. But it was a Friday, it was late and she was tired. “Can this wait?” The figure wilted. “Sorry, its just been a long day and I have a lot I still need to do.” Scattered papers, funding requests, inventories, speculative translations of glyphs, some questions for the next journal. The figure shook his head. “Fine.” The figure glanced back out the door. “I wasn’t sure I could trust you.” “Me?” Aeris sputtered. “I’m not sure why you’d worry.” “Shinra.” “My sponsor?” Ah. Potentially one of the protestors. This was a new one; harassing a researcher unconnected with admittedly dubious power-generation methods. “I do appreciate your concerns, sir, but I really don’t have any kind of influence over-“ The man removed his hand from under his cloak; he gripped a metallic circle unlike anything Aeris had seen. The glyphs upon it were familiar enough, if not their meaning. “Where…. Where did you find that.” She reached out with trembling hands. The man let her take it. “In Nibelheim.” Absurd. The Shinra company originated from that far-flung mountain town. Surely they would have found a promising Cetra dig-site years before given their interest. “It was uncovered during the reactor construction.” Aeris dragged her attention from the glyphs and the circle. It had been part of something larger. The glyphs repeated with a rapidity not seen elsewhere in Cetra glyphs. “What was that?” The man shrugged, the movement curious, a hint of a light under the hood. Implausible. “The record indicated that and similar pieces were found during the Nibelheim Mako reactor.” “That was fifty years ago!” Aeris couldn’t help her voice rising. The figure gestured at her frantically. “Sorry, this is an absurd story. Why would Shinra not have told me about these?” “Shinra keeps a lot to itself.” The figure paused and flung back his hood. Blond spikes and a handsome face. But that was secondary to the real curiosity he exhibited. Around each pupil was an unmistakable glowing ring. A SOLDIER. “This-“ he gestured at his eyes. “Was done to me.” “I thought they were clear what signing up would do.” Her voice came out in a murmur, certain that this assumption was far from correct. “I wouldn’t know. I never got a choice.” The man snorted. “Signed up, rejected and then they took me to operate on anyway.” He glanced away from her, face contorted. Something more there. Something worse. Aeris sat down heavily. She still held the metallic circle and struggled to find her voice. “Did- Did you see anything that might suggest what this was?” The man shook his head. “If they knew, they kept that more hidden. But, I think it has something to do with this. He fumbled in some pocket or container beneath this cloak. A larger, jagged chunk of metal was marked with larger glphys. No images. No. A map. A map. A number of the familiar ruins were picked out with other markings on the metal – in addition to Nibelheim. But most interesting was a larger marker as part of an island chain off the coast of the Western continent. Betrayal. Motivated betrayal. What was Shinra’s game? To have her roaming and digging up trinkets while something like this, an entire map lay who knew where? “Where in Nibelheim was this?” “Shinra mansion.” How arrogantly typical. “Thank you, Mr-?” “Strife.” “Strife.” The map was hard to look away from. “I will try and sort some compensation if you could see fit to leaving these with me-“ “Not letting them out of my sight.” He gripped the map tighter. “And I need to see whatever this is through.” “Do you have an archaeological experience?” Aeris doubted it, but coincidences were not unknown. Mr. Strife shook his head. “Then I can’t really take you with me.” “I can help keep you safe.” He looked determined. “And if you follow the map, I think you’ll need it.” Aeris raised her eyebrows. “I thought Nibelheim was quiet?” “It is. But it’d be pointless to go back now; Shinra sent three divisions to that island.” He gestured at the map. “Something’s happening and soon. And I’m certain you’re the only person who might be able to understand what.” No choice at all, but still an odd need to justify it. So many things to do here, mundane – if interesting – versus seeing these other sites. And uncovering the things Shinra saw fit to hide from her. The man seemed justly paranoid about the company. Might be an idea to adopt the same stance. “Very well, Mr. Strife. I think we can come to some arrangement.” That got a smile. “Thank you, Doctor Gainsborough.” “Aeris, please.” “Aeris,” he said. “I’m Cloud.”

[sol1056]

hey im the anon who asked about how you knew the stuff, sorry i wasn't too clear on what. i just read the post explaining EPs and how the behind the scene stuff worked and i wanted to know how you knew all that, like are you involved in the industry? or just a nerd?

gotcha! Well, remember how back in S1/S2, people kept pointing out Hunk could be… awfully nosy? always getting into things, asking questions?

I was over here going, YES HUNK IS MY PEOPLE. 

It’s a hallmark of a certain type of engineer: insatiable curiosity, and never satisfied with only one answer, always sure there’s more to discover. Okay, we’re not all engineers — a lot of us are Russian Lit majors — but the key is our drive to discover. We take apart, put back together, connect dots close and far, turn things around and study them from a new direction. We’re those people who randomly show up in your part of the building, poke our heads in the room and say, “so, what do all y’all do here? what’s this do? hey, what’s that?”

Despite the fact that most of us seem to be (strangely) strong introverts, that doesn’t stop us. We’ve got questions for everyone. We’ll talk to total strangers all day if we’re on the trail of a particularly interesting idea. In a nutshell, we’re utterly shameless.

I did post-production back when NLE was relatively new and the compositing applications required massive nearly-mainframe computing power. I was mostly in the sfx/cg areas, but I weaseled my way into the color suite pretty regularly. I sat in on editing sessions and was a happy lunch-fetching lackey if it got me a chance to watch the compositing team. Any lull meant a chance to chat up directors, cinematographers, producers, etc. I totally took advantage. 

It’s been awhile since I did that – and since then I’ve been a roady, a mental health & substance abuse admin, a doorman, and even owned a bookstore, before going corporate. But for every wacky thing I’ve done, I’ve also kept in touch with people I met. Frex: the friend who got me the post-production job is now an executive producer. Yes, I do call him with questions. He’s used to it. If he doesn’t know an answer, he sends me to someone who does. (Another reason we’ve been friends for so long.) One answer is never sufficient, never a reason to stop there.

Meet one novelist, get introduced to six more, and three of them write for TV. Oh, that’s handy. Should save that contact, could be useful someday. It’s actually rare for someone to say no, come to think of it. idk, as long as I can get access, I can usually get the person to tell me something I can use. 

However, since my actual area of expertise applies across many industries, I’ve worked all kinds of places. A lot of it’s client-facing, and if you think that means I’m not wandering around the client site poking my head into rooms and cheerfully interviewing people on the spot, then you haven’t been paying attention.

Now that I work at a multinational corporation, I have literally thousands of people in my network, including everyone who’s moved on to a new place. You might be surprised how many people are fine with, “hey, I work at X with Y, and Y told me you’d know this.” Of course, everyone has a bias and a view limited to their own experience, so you can’t stop there. You can’t really understand a situation without knowing the agendas of all the players. You gotta ask a bunch of people, make sure you’re getting the most rounded sense of things. 

Not really a hardship for me. It’s kinda the whole point. 

People are people everywhere (outside cultural quirks), and it’s rare I’m ever researching a single person (I’m not an investigative journalist, if you were wondering). Most of the time, I’m looking for the industry-based cultural expectations. As in, “given X and Y, what would someone who does A generally think is a reasonable action, in this situation?”  

The key is to have a believable reason for asking, and being a writer definitely qualifies. “I’m researching for a story, and I have a character who do X. I wanted to know if it’s realistic for them to know Y. Who do you think would be the best person to ask?” I frequently cold-call, and I never ask “is there someone there,” I ask who they think is the best person. A lot of times it ends up being someone that the phone operator knows (personally or by reputation) who’s full of bizarre trivia and enjoys a chance to show it off. (Plus, it’s amazing what you can learn about a person from all the other subtle cues people are unaware they’re telling, when they’re focused on their area of expertise.)

That’s how I ended up interviewing the Director of the DEA about whether a non-US-university degree would satisfy the education requirement. His letter of introduction got me monthly lunches for awhile with the DEA director in my city. (Oh, the stories I heard.) It’s how I learned about sheep subsidies from one of the top execs at the USDA, and that there’s a single surviving Civil War widow still getting a VA pension. Going in person is even more fun. You could wind up talking to one of the very few artists in the world whose speciality is touching up pre-Renaissance books so the repairs aren’t visible. Or the art historian whose job is going through the nation’s attic and identifying century-old fakes. 

I’ve talked to embassy officials from five different countries, NASA biophysicists and astrophysicists, OSHA inspectors, Nobel prize-winning economists, police detectives, celebrity chefs, environmental lawyers, arena-level sound-people, race-car drivers, potters, opera singers, patent examiners, train mechanics, fire marshals, foley artists, and club DJs. I’ve interviewed fashion photographers, farriers, puppeteers, lighting designers, Catholic bishops, bioethicists, rabbis, fighter pilots, public radio personalities, newspaper editors, chemists, club organizers, war correspondents, Episcopalian nuns (yes they exist), textile artists, prison architects, midwives, cabinetmakers, tall ship sailors, haute couture seamstresses, and civil engineers. On and on and on. 

Don’t neglect official avenues, either. The Department of Labor, the International Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners, the Screen Writers’ Guild, the list is nearly endless — any organization, union, or federal/state dept that sets or guides policy. Everyone has a bias, so what people consider normal is sometimes… not. Or they just didn’t know (or saw no need to know, the fools) the reason for A over B. You have to check the rules, because a discrepancy between what you’re told should be done versus what people tell you is actually done… is also useful to know. 

(Labor practices are definitely one of those areas, since federal labor policy is something every company must observe. It’s the law. So when a workplace seems to be violating the law, it raises a lot of interesting questions.) 

And finally, of course, there’s traditional research. Textbooks written by people in an industry can be particularly interesting, especially if it’s a book meant for readers outside that industry (which usually means a lot of firsthand anecdotes to round out the gaps). Popular articles, academic essays, post-mortem white papers, TED talks, interviews. You need to do your basic homework, because there’s no waste of someone’s time quite like asking them a question that’s patently absurd once you get past common assumptions. 

I once explained the plot of a popular SF show to a NASA astrophysicist, and his response was simply, “Every word you used was English, but those words in that order make absolutely no sense at all.” Kind of a dead-end, there. You can’t come at a top-level expert with intro-level questions. 

Since I don’t always know who I’ll stumble over next, being an information sponge means I at least have a whole encyclopedia of analogies. If I can find  common ground (cars and houses are two of the best), I can at least get a basic idea of the person’s meaning. “Oh, so it’s like when you turn the key in the ignition, and the lights don’t come on because the battery is dead?” 

It’s asking the right questions, using an open and friendly approach, and having the right timing. Remember: there is no such thing as unskilled labor; there is only undervalued labor. That is, their time is also valuable, so be brief, open, and sincere. Treat every person as if they’re an authority in something, even if you haven’t figured out what that is. 

The world is a massively complex place, and contains more things than are dreamt of in our philosophies, all of it waiting to be discovered.

Or, the shorter version:

btw: I don’t actually recommend going in person to the Dept of the Interior, though. You’ll get lost. Like, instantly. That place is MASSIVE.