#I considered trying to do a more complex pattern to make them look more like eggs but ended up just doing a variant on a diamond chevron on

[8g-soymilk]

Day 14 of @quezify's Eggtober! Egg bracelet for today; pattern below the cut:

[magicalmanhattanproject]

Okay, so with Quackity Studios tweeting about adding new people and the need for tolerance and patience with people who don't speak English, let's just take a second and have a chat about what that's gonna look like.

First: you will hear things or read things on the translator that hurt or offend you.

This is inevitable. Do not immediately post about it. What you need tolerance for is hearing things that hurt or offend you and what you need patience for is figuring out of malicious intent was present or if this is a hill worth dying on right now.

As an example, we're pretty sure at this point that Korean is gonna be the next language added. The second person pronoun in Korean sounds a lot like the n-word in English. The n-word in English, if you're not aware, is like the single most offensive slur we have. It's not something that you want to hear unexpectedly. But also, if we get Koreans, they're gonna be using the word for "you" and English speakers are gonna have to be able to tolerate that.

On the other side of things, Korean has a complex system of honorifics and addressing someone without an honorific would be considered very forward and intimate at least if not very rude. None of the QSMP languages have honorifics though and only French really retains formality* so no one else is going to address them with honorifics unless they specifically explain it to people and walk them through it. That will probably be weird and uncomfortable for them and they're going to have to be able to tolerate that.

*Spanish and Portuguese do technically have formal vs informal but it's disappearing quickly in both of them.

These natural cultural clashes and pain points are going to be harder to overcome since we also know that at least some of these creators won't speak English at all so they can't just switch to English to helpfully explain things to us easily in a way we understand. We're going to have to deal.

So here's the thing: just because there can be cultural miscommunications and mistranslations, that doesn't mean that people can't also be assholes. How do you distinguish between the two?

Step One: Assume good faith. Assume that everyone in a given encounter is trying to communicate respectfully and compassionately and that a failure to do so can be overcome

Step Two: Don't get involved. Especially not in Twitch Chat. Two or more people trying to communicate through a language barrier does not get easier when they're also trying to wrangle hostile viewers.

Step Three: Are you sure you heard what you thought you heard or saw what you thought you saw? Did the translator fuck up? Is it a word that just coincidentally happens to sound like another word? If this is the case, the streamers can ask for clarification or use another tool and get it cleared up. Keep watching and see if they do.

Step Four: If they did say what you thought they said, are the streamers handling it? We had a thing a while back where Bad called some friends, including Bagi and Etoiles, uncultured because they didn't get a reference he was making and Etoiles was like "bro I'm French" and Bad apologized. That should have been the end of it, but I had to see people arguing about it for weeks. The problem was solved in 10 seconds.

Step Five: If the person is doubling down, are you sure this is something you can fix by yelling about it on Twitter or Tumblr? Would it be better to let people who actually know them talk to them behind the scenes? Pierre made a few missteps in the beginning of the server, Quackity said they had a chat, Pierre hasn't misstepped since. It's just easier to sort things out in private, one on one conversation than yelling at someone in public.

In short: it's fine to take note of behavior in case patterns start to emerge in it, but yelling on social media about how so and so is the worst person possible is not constructive.

[carlyraejepsans]

Ok im trying to make a character and really struggling to make them fit the vibe of undertale, do you have any thoughts on undertale's character design philosophy? or know anyone who does? tips? idk you know alot about undertale, im kinda at the design phase of "throw shit at the wall and see what sticks"

undertale character philosophy rule number 1) get silly with it. rule number 2) be fully, whole-pussedly earnest. do not half ass do NOT undermine your genuinity with useless irony it is the POISON of whimsy. actually no rule number 1) think of every possible wordplay you could make outta them. visual gags included, those are important. undertale is a comedy before being anything else. you know what these aren't in order of importance anymore, who care.

anyway, UT characters are all somehow stuck in their patterns and cycles. either through mistakes, through circumstances outside of their control, past trauma, regret, etc, but they're stuck in that. what breaks them out of that cycle is a crucial aspect of their personality and set of beliefs. keep that in mind while you brainstorm their backstory.

give them speaking quirks. you're gonna feel a little silly at first, but there's not one main character in the game whose identity you can't discern by their dialogue lines alone. no soundbit, no portrait, no context. the way they say it by itself is distinctive enough to make them recognizable. let that guide your writing process.

....ok just realized you probably meant character design as in visual character design. ok, new try: puns and double meanings and things that are not what they seemed at first sight. there's a lot of design repetition with alterations in undertale's NPCs; froggit and final froggit, the dogs in the guard, snowdrake and knight knight. see what aspects are kept and what is altered. remember: while the main characters skew towards more humanoid designs (bipedal, upright, 4 limbs, recognizable face), they all have extremely different body types, often simplifiable in a single geometric shape for the stockier ones (toriel, sans, box mtt being rectangular, toby saying how he wanted to make alphys look like a triangle), while the ones with more complex silhouettes get really fucking weird with it (papyrus is self explanatory, undyne's tall and gangly noodly shape). get creative and get diverse. consider buying the art book, even! i feel like that might be a good choice. have fun, hope this helped!! (very likely didn't lol)

[tokkiwrites]

ㅡㅡㅡ in which spencer doesn't appreciate how close you've gotten to Derek Morgan, and even though you guys aren't official, he wants to make it clear who you belong to.

TW: dom!Spencer reid, sub! reader, use of y/n, afab reader, jealous spencer, voyeurism, degradation (kind of), pet names, unprotected p in v (wrap b4 you clap), kind of mean spence idk let me know if i missed anything.

y/n sat at her desk, surrounded by the dimly lit office. The soft hum of computers and the distant chatter of agents filled the air as she diligently worked on her reports. It was another late night at the Behavioral Analysis Unit, and exhaustion tugged at the edges of her focus.

Across the room, she noticed Derek hunched over his desk, his intense gaze fixed on a case file. y/n couldn't help but admire Morgan's dedication and experience, and she often sought his guidance when faced with challenging cases. Tonight was no different as she considered approaching him for advice.

As she contemplated her next move, Dr. Spencer Reid entered the room. Reid had always been a bit enigmatic, his towering intellect often overshadowing his social awkwardness. y/n thinks that's what makes her like him in the first place.

y/n continued to focus on her work, unaware of the way Spencer's eyes bathed in her. She reviewed the case files, her brow furrowing as she delved deeper into the unsettling details of the ongoing investigation. It was a particularly puzzling case, and she knew she needed some fresh insights.

Derek, sensing her contemplation, looked up from his own work and caught y/n's eye. With a friendly smile, he nodded toward her and gestured for her to come over.

"y/n" Derek called out, his voice carrying across the room. "Got a minute?"

y/n nodded in response, grateful for the opportunity to consult with someone as experienced as Morgan. She rose from her desk and walked over to join him, her curiosity piqued.

"What do you have, Derek?" she asked, her tone earnest and professional.

As they huddled over the case file, discussing theories and potential leads, Spencer observed them from a distance, his feelings of inadequacy and jealousy intensifying by the second. He couldn't help but wonder if he was losing y/n's s attention to Derekㅡ not that he cared. It was just... curiosity.

As y/n and Derek delved into the intricacies of the case,Reid remained seated at his desk, his gaze fixed on the computer screen, though his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't shake the growing unease that had settled in his chest as he watched them collaborate.

The office felt tense, and Spencer's inner turmoil was only magnified by the fact that he struggled to vocalize his feelings. He'd always been more comfortable with statistics and facts than navigating the complexities of interpersonal relationships. But as he watched y/n and Derek work closely together, he realized he couldn't stay silent any longer.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer finally decided to join the conversation. He gathered his thoughts and approached them, trying to suppress the wave of jealousy that still simmered beneath the surface.

"Actually," he began, his voice betraying a hint of hesitancy, "I've been looking at this from a different angle. What if we consider the geographic distribution of the incidents? It might reveal a pattern that we've missed."

"huh." Derek furrowed his brows and then looked down at the file again."makin' me question what i know again, pretty boy." all three laugh in unison before Derek decides to sit up from his chair. "I'll head out for some food, don't get to ahead without me, yeah?"

perfect.

did he do all this just to have a reason to sit next to y/n? maybe. did he memorize Morgan's exact schedule so he knew when to come into the office and "make him question what he knows." ? totally.

His intentions were clear, even if his actions were a bit unconventional.

"you know... it's been a while since you last talked to me, y/n. care to explain?" y/n glanced away for a moment, her fingers idly tapping on her desk. She knew she couldn't keep avoiding the topic.

"oh, umㅡ just busy, spence. work...all that." she replied with a soft smile, her gaze returning to meet his. there she goes with that smile that somehow awakes something in Spencer he never knew existed. Her smile had always been disarmingly genuine, and it tugged at Spencer's heartstrings. He couldn't help but feel a sense of longing as he stared into her eyes.

"If you wanted to talk... you know how phones work, right?" she teased, giving him a playful nudge on the shoulder. Spencer felt his heart skip a beat at her touch, his mind racing as he searched for the right words. truth was, he was waiting for the right time to have his way with herㅡ get close, hold her... leave no room for air, only fill her pretty head with thoughts of himself.

As he inched closer, he placed a gentle hand on her arm, his touch sending a shiver down her spine. "I've been waiting for the right time," he admitted softly, "but I can't wait any longer."

"s-spenceㅡ"

Their faces were now mere inches apart, the air thick with tension. Spencer leaned in, his lips brushing against hers, breath tickling at her skin.

"do you know how hardㅡ how long I've had to pretend I'm ok with you talking to Derek that way? do you know how long I've thought about you? godㅡ its like you're etched into my psyche."

"w-what way, spence, i dontㅡ"

his fingers dig at her exposed thigh, causing y/n to squint her eyes at the sudden jolt of pain that ran through her. "I'm speaking now." his voice deep, like a thousand daggers to her heart, they sent her head into a frenzy.

She didn't know why, let alone how this situation was managing to make her squirm into her seat as trickles dirtied her underwear.

"stop trying to act dumb right now, y/n." he trails off, fingers slowly slipping under her y/n's skirt "need to show you who's you are." he paused "need to fuck you dumb right now."

"s-spencer, what if Derek returns andㅡ"

"good. maybe if he sees how deep you can take my cock he'll stop trying to get into your pants."

jesus. she barely heard him talk this way in all of her time here at the BAU. but she loved itㅡ the way those dirty words slipped off his tongue right into her ear and down to her cunt. y/n also didn't know spencer liker her that way. i mean, they kissedㅡ once. but that was months ago, and both of them were drunk.

her thoughts were broken off by the sound of spencer calling out to her. "you already thinking about me fucking you? godㅡ can't believe how fucking soaked you are."

y/n could only whimper as Spencer's long digits traced circles onto her clothed pussy, a dark chuckle evading his throat. "you're so filthy, y/n. you know Derek could barge in any moment now, yet..." he pushes her panties to the side with his index finger "you're so wet, i don't even have to prep you."

"spence, pleaseㅡ"

"shh, i know. you need to show me how desperate you are first." he pats her thigh before motioning between his legs. "on your knees."

y/n's eyes widened at his request, only a soft gasp parting form her open mouth. "don't make me repeat myself. you want me to fuck you? then show me how bad you want it."

it's like she was being a little doll on a string, the way all at once she practically threw herself on the floor and between Spencer's legs, palms situated on his knees.

"go ahead, angel."

she never had her heart beat so fast, she didn't even know it was possible. hesitatingly, she rises her hands to the hem of Reid's pants, letting the fly open. Spencer's bulge peeked through his boxers, making y/n's mouth go dry. "come on, y/n. you know we dont have all night."

nodding her head, y/n pulls his underwear and pants all at once, leaving Spencer's shaft to spring free and slap against his still dressed torso.

jesus christ ㅡ she heard the rumors that circulated around the BAU, but she thought they were just that: rumors. how wrong she was.

"still wanna do this, angel?"

"yesㅡ" she catches herself off guard with how fast she replies, face now so red.

"dirty girl." he smiles, placing his palm onto the crown of y/n's head. "get to work then."

leaning down, she grabs at his shaft as she gently wraps her mouth around the red tip that was leaking with precum, the bitter taste now invading y/n's tastebuds. reid throws his head back in response, tugging lightly at y/n's hair strands causing her to jolt in response.

with a bit more courage she sinks her mouth further. a surge of adrenaline coursed through her veins, and a mischievous smile crept across her face. She knew she was breaking the rules, but in that moment, the thrill of rebellion was intoxicating, making her feel alive in a way she hadn't before.

after a few more moves of her head y/n is stopped by specner with a forceful pull on her hair. "do you wanna continue, doll?"

"please, spence..."

She knew that she was treading on dangerous ground, and she couldn't predict the consequences of her actions. But in that moment, she couldn't stop herself from wanting to explore the forbidden.

"fuck, i never knew what was going on behind those eyes ㅡ you were always so hard to read. now i know...just a filthy girl that wants to fucked into oblivion." reid lets out a mocking chuckle, lightly slapping y/n on the cheek.

"go on. bend over the desk. and look at the door. i want everyone that comes through that door to see your face as i pound into you."

as y/n bent over the desk, her breast pressed onto the hard surface, she couldn't help but feel a rush of guilt and longing. Every stolen moment, every stolen glance, had brought her to this forbidden juncture.

it just clicked: she's gonna get fucked on this desk and at any moment someone could stumble on them. thing is... that's what was making her heart jump in anticipation.

the cold air brushed agains her skin as spencer lifted up her skirt, pulling to the side her panties and leaving her glistening cunt on full display. "jesus, you're soaked. this turning you on?" he laughs somberly.

"spence, p-please hurry..."

"needy girl."

stroking himself for a bit with the precum dripping from the pulsing tip, he teasingly rubs it against y/n's fold, making her whine in response. "shh. you're doing so well."

and with that he pushes in, fully, causing y/n to grit her teeth as to stop the loud cry stuck in her throat. her skin was burning, the pain so good it made her shiver. she was dripping all around reid's cock, biting back moans as he went at her from behind.

the room was filled by clapping, wet sounds and the occasional grunts and moans from both of them. y/n's mind was foggy, tongue lulling out as spencer increased his speed.

"f-fuckㅡ look how good you're taking me." he throws his head back, grabbing roughly at y/n's hips for leverage "what would you do if someone walked in right now? would you want me to continue fucking you, huh?"

"y-yes, spence, shitㅡ"

"god, angel. 'm gonna comeㅡ"

y/n writhes as she feels herself close, too, whole body shaking, toes curling and eyes rolling back when she finally orgasms. not long after, reid pumps himself a few more times before shooting long white ribbons along y/n's ass, gasping for air as he does.

"did so good for me, angel. let's hope we didn't mess up any of these files."

"reid, that's the least of my concerns right now."

⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾‎  토끼's NOTE : WOHOOOO WE ARE EARLY!!!! ALSO THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD so grammatical errors are possible!!! this has 2.05K words so not a lot but i hope u enjoyed it!! this is my 1st eva spencer fanfic i wrote sooooooo yeah :D anyway tysm for reading ily <3

[sad-scarred-sassy]

make 3 acotar confessions that would get you in trouble *evil laugh*

Omgg I don’t know if this will get me in trouble or not but okay let’s do it…

- Feysand bores me to death as it is portrayed in canon (although the fanart is very pretty excluding the SA romantic depictions) I think I was done with them by the middle of ACOMAF. Sometimes I wish I understood the hype because ppl seem to be having fun with them (have fun guys). But yeah, I was so much more enthralled by feylin and if you look closely, i think Feysand is a half-hearted replica of feylin but with less consent and less 🔥 (my humble opinion). I think they would be a lot more interesting if they were openly considered toxic, but they are supposedly a perfect couple.

- If I could choose an ending for the sisters, I wouldn’t want any of them to stay in the Night Court with the bat boys. The archeron sisters deserve so much more than that (anything other than that actually). As it is, acotar feels like when actually bad people get their happily ever after while decent people suffer and I don’t like it 🙂 (Ill keep reading fanfiction correcting this bc I do love the other characters) (also acotar 6 might break this pattern so thats why im also still here)

- Tamlin is a much more interesting character than Rhysand. He was probably not the most complex character in the first book, but SJM trying to make him ‘bad’ actually gave him so many layers and spice. I would eagerly read a book only about him and his journey.

And a bonus no one asked for:

- I wish people also called what Rhys did to Feyre UTM (and throughout the other books) abuse as easily as people call out Tamlin’s abusive behavior. Somehow what Rhysand did is never addressed as ‘that bad’ but what Tamlin did is, constantly. Even in posts that have nothing to do with him. It icks me.

Okay bye

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fear Of The Known

Lucifer x Fem!Angel!Reader

|Chapter Six|

In a near desperate attempt to forget about everything plaguing Y/n's mind, she took up learning portals from Michael. Which might not have been the best idea, considering he's still learning himself. While he could teleport himself anywhere with ease, creating a portal to another world was something entirely different.

And it took a lot of hard work and patience to perfect it. And Michael, well...He was trying his best.

But Y/n couldn't work up the nerve to ask Galim to teach her. She was always so tense around them, despite Galim being one of the kindest angels in Heaven. Michael just made her feel more at ease.

"I can't believe you've existed since the dawn of creation and yet you haven't learned how to make a portal." Y/n teases, trying to lighten the mood. Michael rolls his eyes. "Give me a break, I told you I'm better at fighting than magic. Trust me, you haven't been around as long as I have. My youth was full of many failed magic attempts."

"Aw, baby Michael." Y/n giggled at the thought of a child size Michael, causing him to blush slightly. "Anyway." Michael clears his throat. "Just repeat after me."

Michael stands straight and holds out his hands. Y/n did the same, she then inhaled and exhaled in a calm pattern. "Good. Now just clear your mind, and focus on where you want to be."

Y/n closed her eyes and tried to clearly picture what she saw last time. A wide open meadow, filled with flowers. The sound of the birds and running water. The warmth of the sun in the bright blue sky.

Nothing happened, so she inhaled deeply and tried to remember more of what she saw, what she heard, what she smelled. Earth truly was a beautiful place. It's nature was beyond all compare, simple and yet so vast and complex.

There was a small swirl of light forming just before Y/n's open palms. Michael's eyes lit up with excitement, but he refrained from speaking as not to throw her off.

Y/n wondered what night was like on earth. She's heard stories of the stars that littered across the dark blue sky. How they shined and sparkled, they along with the moon, casting just enough calming light in the darkness.

Y/n smiled at the thought, the thought of just how many wonderful things the Earth had to offer.

'Lucifer would have loved it.'

The light grew brighter and larger, and the portal finally opened. Michael's once previous excitement, quickly faded as he saw where this portal lead.

"Y/n..."

Y/n opened her eyes, her mouth fell slightly agape in surprise. Just before her, was the portal she had created. The color was the first thing that caught her eye. Then came the warm air, the uncomfortably warm air. Then there was the sounds of chaos ringing loud in her ears. Y/n swore she felt her heart drop as realization set in.

Y/n froze, unable to think clearly or utter a single word. Michael stepped in front of her and quickly closed the portal. The last thing she saw, was a large building atop of a hill. He turned to Y/n, a look of slight panic in his eyes.

"Y/n...What did you just do?" He asked, though it was obvious. He knew it, but he just couldn't believe it.

Y/n had created a portal to Hell.

"I...I don't..." Y/n muttered.

"How did you do that? You've never even been to Hell! How could you have pictured where to open the portal?" Michael asks, more to himself than to her.

Y/n looked down at her hands, they were shaking. He was right. She's never been to Hell, she's most certainly never pictured it with her own eyes. So how could she have...

"My visions." Y/n looks up at him. "I've seen Hell in my visions."

Michael was hit with the sudden realization. That was right. You had been tasked from God to keep up with Charlotte Morningstar's future, of course you've seen Hell.

"Ok." Michael exhales. "That makes sense I guess. But you...You weren't suppose to open a portal there! You suppose to open it on Earth. What happened?"

"I..." Y/n sighed. "I was thinking about Lucifer. Maybe that's why..."

Michael fell silent, so did she. Even after ten thousand years, mentioning Lucifer was still a sore subject for them both. As much as they like to think they've moved on, they never truly will. Or have...

"Well...No more of that." Michael tells her with a sigh. "Here I was worried something might happen to you on Earth. Then you go and open a portal to Hell of all places." He laughs weakly.

Y/n turns away from him. "It won't happen again. I'm sorry."

"It's fine Y/n. But yeah...I think it's best if you don't do that again." Said Michael. "I think that's enough portals for one day..."

Six months had passed, and it was finally time for Charlotte Morningstar's arrival. Y/n had informed Sera of this months in advance. She was still furious with Sera, but she could do nothing but do her duty and warn her of this very day.

Sera had little to say to Y/n, so the two parted with a brief exchange and barely spoke to each other since. Not that Y/n had anything to say to Sera, after learning about the exterminations.

Emily of course noticed, but Y/n simply told her that she and Sera were much too busy to really see each other. It did little to ease Emily's concerns, but thankfully she didn't push for a further explanation.

Y/n knew what would come from this meeting anyhow. Charlotte Morningstar would make a case that sinners could be redeemed. However, try as she may, Heaven would not be convinced. She would have not choice but to return to Hell, where she must prepare for Adam's attack.

During that meeting however, Emily found out about the exterminations. That certainly cleared things up about Y/n and Sera, but now she was left heartbroken and betrayed. She knew it was wrong, but what could she do? Despite being a Seraphim herself, she did not hold as much power as Sera.

Sera tried to put her at ease, insisting she handle things from here. But Emily could not ignore what was going on anymore...

She wasn't the only one who now knew of the exterminations. By now, everyone was aware of what she had been doing in secret. Everyone except for the civilians of Heaven, of course. And in due time, God would know as well.

Y/n was half expecting God to call for her, to see what the results of these exterminations had caused. However, there was nothing. Y/n even tried to reach out for Michael, but even he was unavailable.

It turns out, God and his angels were discussing the extermination along with Charlotte Morningstar's plans for redemption privately.

Y/n couldn't explain it, but she had a sinking feeling in her gut. So much has happened so quickly. And now God was involved. She could always look into the future for some closure.

And yet something held her back from doing so. Her nerves, her anxiety, or, it might have been fear. Fear, not of the unknown, but of what would become known.

A part of her didn't need to see the future to know that the results of this would be catastrophic. Y/n had seen it before, the possibility of Sera's punishment was becoming more set in reality now.

Y/n wanted to be more rational about this. Sera hid something this big from God for so long. Of course she would be punished for it. That is simply the consequence she must face. But Y/n did hate it for her. Sera might have had good intentions, but the way she went about it was wrong.

All of this was starting to become overwhelming. Y/n was unable to sleep because of her racing mind. The one relief she got from this, was that Adam and Lute could no longer threaten her now that everyone knew. But it did little to put her at ease.

Y/n sat up in her bed and stared down at her hands. She was avoiding the future for far too long now. She had to look. Really, she had no choice. One way or another, someone will ask her to see what comes next. And so, she closed her eyes and looked into the future.

This time, she was seeing through her own eyes. And all she could see was red. The same red, the same heat, the same sounds all that came from that portal she made months ago. And as she looked up, breaking the scarlet sky, was the gateway to Heaven opening up and down through came two angels.

A knocking caused Y/n to open her eyes, loosing the vision. She blinked a few times before the knocking was heard again. She got up from her bed, still in a state of confusion as she was making her way to the door.

She was in Hell. Why was she in Hell? What possible reason would there be for her to be down there? And who were the two angels coming down from Heaven?

Y/n reached the door and opened it. Standing before her was Michael, and he looked exhausted.

"Michael? What are you doing here so late?" She asks.

Michael tried to offer a smile as he spoke. "You got a minute to talk?"

Tags-

@bloody-delusion-expert

@simbalioness

@annybah

@alientee

[thereminzone]

WOW!!! FINALLY FINISHED THIS ONE!!!

This work used a lot of textures! Wikimedia was my best friend, particularly for the macro shot of the wing scales used in the backdrop (H. Zell, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons) and the photo layered over the barcode (Michael Hanselmann, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons). I think it lends a really nice mixed media feel to this :D

These two are the other two members of THREAT DISPLAY!!!, the fake band for my dnd character Helvia. Rambling about them below the cut for context! Warning, it's long. And probably requires the context provided by the post I made about Helvia.

As is made probably blindingly obvious by this illustration, I continued the name of naming/loosely basing the design on a bug with a threat display, in this case being the peacock butterfly, Aglais Io! It's a really neat creature, being one of the only butterflies as far as I know to have a drastically different pattern when viewed dorsally versus ventrally

Obviously I pulled this pattern as directly as possible for Aegis's (left) jacket, but it's also on the inner lining of Vanessa's (right) overskirt. It's better visible in the earlier basic ref for them:

They look awfully similar.. and that's because they are twins! That's a lie, actually, but it's what the marketing of the band wants you to think. In reality, they are the same exact model of robot, meant to look human in comparison to Helvia, styled differently. They kind of have a complex about this, as would be expected if you were created and saw someone with your exact face who you are more or less put in competition with, and also told that neither of you really matter? It's a gimmick at best. They're not meant to be the real stars here, so it's easier if the public can just lump them together and let them fade into the background. I can't stress just how unimportant these two were considered in comparison to Helvia- they didn't appear in much marketing, and when they did, they were treated more like props. They weren't given unique identities, no fake memories unlike Helvia, just set into this situation with the expectation that they should know they are not important, they are not unique, and anything they do should be to further support Helvia.

Ultimately, though, they are very different people, especially in how they felt about this.

Aegis more or less resigned himself to this, he didn't see the point in trying to fight it or change the situation. He tried to not make anyone upset, stay neutral, do what was asked of him without thinking about it too hard. Sort of dissociating king? I think he internalized the fact that he's not "supposed to be a real person", and it influenced his behavior. He can acknowledge the horror of his situation, but doesn't find the point in fighting it.

Vanessa, meanwhile, finds none of it acceptable. She hates this. She hates the fact that she is a product and a tool and not even an important enough one to be given a basic sense of identity. Giving very "malicious compliance", she can't do much, but she took every opportunity to make it clear just how much she can't stand any of this. She felt that Aegis was a coward, especially because he would always be there to condescend to her, saying it's in her best interest to give up any time she got in serious trouble.

They, predictably, had a pretty rocky relationship because of this. Indirectly pitted against eachother for any amount of minimal spotlight that wasn't going to Helvia in hopes of being given any sort of grace, they also had no one else to rely on? Certainly not any staff, and CERTAINLY not Helvia, there's no one else that understood the unique horror of their situation quite so much as each other, even if they responded in wildly different ways. They had eachother's back, unspoken. Aegis telling Vanessa to 'just give up' is equally an attempt to prevent her from getting hurt further as Vanessa telling Aegis to 'stop letting this happen to you'– they just think that their respective poor coping mechanism is the way to go, when in reality it just means they each continue to be hurt. Dude these guys suck. As much as the twins marketing thing is a sore subject, in a sick way they end up actually having a sibling-adjacent relationship, I think.

As for their relationships with Helvia? Arguably more complicated.

It's a mess. Nobody is having a good time, except maybe Helvia telling herself she's having a good time. The closer they were to her, the better shot they had at actually being treated like they were interesting or important by marketing, and it created obviously an environment that was Not Good! They each had tumultuous on-and-off relationships with her as was directly encouraged of them, regardless of how anyone actually felt. It doesn't help that Helvia herself treated them carelessly, obviously told that they were there for Her– and as someone who wholesale bought into the image she was created for, who was in denial about the fact that she was literally a product, she wasn't exactly receptive to any of their struggles. Aegis pitied her despite their similarities, while Vanessa pretty much wanted her dead. It's bad. It's sooo bad. It's messy.

As for what they're up to now? No clue yet <3 they've yet to appear and I kind of already have terminal brain illnesses about them, if the above paragraphs didn't make it already obvious. Honestly this was just me making half decent art of them to post as in introduction to them before I drop the uh. 12 page comic I made in a fugue state during finals week. So keep a look out for that, I guess!

[missfrieden]

I got bored on my way to work and then on the way home. So here I force a random drabble on you all.

Summary: Let's set the scene shall we? You jabe a random question for Tech, that catches him a bit off guard.

Rating: Mention of sex

Pairing: Techxreader (think I managed gender neutral)

Note: Hope all of you know what dyscalculia is. Because Tech having a partner which is useless with numbers, is endaring to me.

Word count: Listen drabbles are often from my phone notes, so yeah I ain't counting them.

Rabbits

That night, as Tech shook out your blanket, preparing the bunk for the both of you to settle in, you are lost in thought, a playful question forming in your mind. As you climbed into the bunk and snuggled down into the soft covers, you looked up at the man who had become the center of your galaxy. There was a hint of curiosity in your eyes as you turned to him.

“Tech?” you began, your tone light and inquisitive. Tech, always attuned to you, looked over with that familiar, attentive expression. “Yes, Y/N?” You hesitated for a moment, biting your lip, a nervous habit, as you considered how to phrase the question. But then, with a smile, you decided to just go for it. “Have you ever… I mean, have you ever counted how many times we’ve had sex? We’ve been together for about a year and a half now, so I was just wondering.”

Tech blinked, the question clearly catching him off guard. But true to form, he didn’t miss a beat. His mind quickly scanned through the mental data he always kept so meticulously organized, and within a moment, he delivered the answer with his characteristic precision. “Yes, I have,” he replied, almost too matter-of-factly. “We’ve had sex approximately 214 times, and that’s not including the individual rounds within each session, which total to 367.”

Your eyes widened in shock and surprise, mouth falling open slightly as you processed what he had just said. “Wait… what?” you laughed, clearly amazed. “Tech, that’s… we’re like rabbits!” Tech frowned slightly, confused by the comparison for just a moment before realization dawned on him. “Oh, you mean in terms of frequency,” he said, his expression clearing. “I didn’t intend to imply anything, I just… well, I tend to keep track of details like that. It’s a habit of mine.” You couldn’t help but laugh at his earnestness, your heart swelling with affection. The idea that Tech had been keeping such precise count was both endearing and a little surprising, but it was also so perfectly in line with who he was. “Tech, you’re amazing,” you said, still chuckling. “But seriously, why do you keep track of it?”

Tech hesitated, clearly trying to find the right words to explain himself. “Well,” he began, somewhat awkwardly, “I suppose it’s because I’m a person who finds comfort in data and patterns. Tracking these moments allows me to… analyze and understand our relationship in a more tangible way. It’s not just about the numbers, it’s about ensuring that our connection remains strong, that I’m meeting your needs… and, well, it’s just part of who I am.”

As he spoke, he began to stammer slightly, his usual composure wavering as he tried to articulate something that, for him, was both deeply personal and difficult to put into words. But before he could finish, ypu leaned in, placing a gentle finger over his lips to stop him. “Tech,” you start softly, your voice filled with warmth, “you don’t need to explain. I love that you’re so precise, that you care enough to keep track of things like this. Someone in this relationship has to be good with numbers, and if it isn’t me, then I’m glad it’s you.”

You smiled at him, eyes shining with affection. You had always admired Tech’s incredible mind, the way he could handle complex calculations with ease, while you struggle with even basic math because of that stupid dyscalculia of yours. But you had never felt inferior because of it, Tech had a way of making you feel valued and appreciated for who you are, no matter what. Tech’s tension melted away as your words sank in, and he relaxed, returning your smile. “I just… want to make sure you’re happy,” he said quietly, his voice full of sincerity. “That’s the most important thing to me.”

Your heart swelled with love as you leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. “And you do,” you murmured against his mouth. “Every single day. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, Tech. Not one thing.” You stayed like that for a moment, wrapped up in each other, the warmth of your connection surrounding you like a comforting blanket. When you two finally pull back, you settled against him, resting your head on his chest, closing your eyes, a contented smile on your lips.

“I’m really glad you’re the one who’s good with numbers,” you said softly, your voice tinged with a hint of playful teasing. “Because I know I can always count on you.” Tech chuckled softly, wrapping his arm around you and holding you close. “And I’ll always be here to count on,” he replied, his tone filled with warmth.

As you lay there, the quiet of the night settling around you, Tech couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the incredible person in his arms. You understood him in a way that no one else ever had, and you loved him for exactly who he was, numbers and all.

Main Masterlist

And as you two drifted off to sleep, Tech made a silent promise to himself that he would continue to cherish and protect this incredible bond you shared, ensuring that your relationship remained as strong and full of love as it had been since the very beginning.

Tag: @spectacular-skywalker @neyswxrld @clonethirstingisreal @sleepycreativewriter @moonwreckd @sskim-milkk @heidnspeak

[echo-heo]

Hello! re-typing this because i'm too lazy to copy-paste from @epenethesis,

I spent a great deal of time learning about various scripts, however this has been to the detriment of my ability to create new original ones as they have been too closely associated with existing ones.

I heard from them you may have advice, and i thank you wether you do or do not as long as you answer.

Be well, internet stranger.

Hi! So to introduce myself briefly I do type design & calligraphy and something I do often is learn historic scripts and styles from manuscripts etc and thats how I get feels for things. I think if you learn more about different styles of the scripts and notice patterns it'd help u make more original looking scripts. In any case, here are some of my general advices on creating & learning scripts:

1. scripts have rhythm, visually and in stylus movement

Scripts tend to have repeated elements. strokes, joints, spacing, etc. For example, lowercase latin has vertical weight between the baseline and the x height, and this is its natural resting space. Occasionally letters have ascenders and descenders. horizontally, letters have semi-evenly spaced downstrokes (see letters like m and n) with the writing pattern of ↓→↓→ etc.

2. "Intermediate stage" does not exist.

Something that people do commonly while evolving a script is that they create intermediate stages that do not have patterns or rhythms, but these intermediate scripts should be on their own self contained systems

3. Scripts have multiple styles simultaneously that influence each other.

Scripts don't simply evolve linearly. Modern latin has so many styles and that is the case for most scripts. Modern Greek letterforms are a fusion of original Greek minuscule forms and forms evolved from uncial (sigma has both, with the final form deriving from uncial)

4. Consider the motion of the pen

Some nib shapes make it harder to draw strokes in certain directions, and in general strokes going from left to right and top to bottom are more common because generally it is easier to pull than push. some writing utensils allow you to write in any direction, and often from switching from the former systems to the latter, scripts gain seeminglt redundant and complex looking connective strokes. (think javanese and copperplate calligraphy) Limiting stroke directions also helps with consistent writing rhythm. (try drawing a square multiple times with one stroke in one direction, you will find that it is significantly harder to keep it square than breaking it up into multiple strokes) (Note: Contrary to popular belief writing on leaves isnt what makes indic scripts look loopy and geometric, it is the unfamiliarity with the various scripts by people who perpetuate this myth)

5. Different styles with different quirks may be used for different purposes

Short titles and signs may use bold and ornate styles (black letter, lombardic capitals, aksar mul, bold cleric script, kanteiryu, kufic) or archaic styles (roman capitals, seal script).

Formal body text may use either space-efficient blocky styles (black letter, uncial, cleric script, jain nagari style) or more balanced organic styles (humanist, regular script, etc).

Informal body text may use semicursive (italic, bâtarde, running script, etc) or cursive (grass script, etc)

6. Don't trust online sources on script evolution

study your manuscripts and form ur own perception of things cause so many people are Wrong on the internet

---

Now for a more practical example, this is how i made Ekavathian:

I came up with this asemic sketch, borrowing the rhythm from Javanese and the diagonals from Lontara.

We felt that this was too visually cluttered, so I simplified the shapes and picked letters.

I iterated on it, writing text to see how it feels and making the letters feel more natural to write

I began working on the font, and I started with the square thing and expanded from there. I wanted it to have an indic pen angle with some stroke modulation

I settled on this for the stroke pattern. Feels natural for the kind of shapes i have.

This is my handwriting after making the font (brainstorming cursive idea) and its kinda funny how I got better at writing a completely made up script lol

In any case if you have questions about specific things ask me any time

[sanslovesblog]

Unraveling Madness: San's Dark Secrets Pt. 2

Summary: You're a brilliant psychiatrist, but you were no stranger to internal conflicts. You had accepted the task of treating Choi San, the psychiatric ward's most dangerous patient due to his violent episodes. Despite skepticism from other staff members, you believed that beneath his destructive exterior lay a vulnerable human being, yearning for understanding and acceptance.

Trigger warning: mentions of harming others, self harm, trauma

Teaser | Master list | Part 3

As Dr. Y/n entered the therapy room, she noticed Choi San sitting in one of the armchairs, his gaze fixed on the door. The air was heavy with anticipation, and she knew that today would be different. She closed the door behind her, the sound echoing through the room like a silent declaration of intent.

"Today, we're going to talk about something new," she began, taking a seat opposite him. "We're going to explore your past traumas, the events that shaped you into the person you are today."

Choi San stared at her, his face a stoic mask hiding his innermost feelings. "Why do you care so much? Everyone else has given up on me. Why should you be any different?"

Dr. Y/n paused, considering her response carefully. "Because I believe there's more to you than just the violence. I see a complex individual struggling to cope with their past." She paused, allowing her words to sink in. "It's my hope that together, we can uncover the root causes of your pain and find a way to heal them."

Choi San studied her carefully, his expression guarded but hinting at vulnerability. "You really think you can make a difference?" He asked quietly, his voice barely audible.

"Yes," she replied firmly, her resolve unwavering.

"I truly believe that we can make a difference in your life. But it all depends on you – whether you're willing to trust me enough to share your deepest fears and pains."

Choi San watched her closely, his eyes tracing every subtle movement of her face. There was something in her gaze that resonated within him, stirring long-dormant feelings of connection and understanding. It wasn't pity or sympathy he saw reflected in her eyes, but genuine empathy and a desire to help. And somehow, that small glimmer of hope reassured him that perhaps things could change.

You continued to delve deeper int Choi San's childhood, hoping to uncover more about the root causes of his violent behavior. "What's your relationship with your parents?" You asked him. Choi San hesitated for a moment before describing his father as a strict and demanding man who expected nothing short of perfection from him. "My father would often physically abuse me if I didn't meet his standards, leaving me with bruises and scars" he said looking down, clenching his fists as his voice cracks with emotion.

Despite this, Choi San still felt a sense of loyalty and duty towards his father, as if he were the only one who truly understood him. As the sessions progressed, you began to see a pattern in the way Choi San dealt with his emotions. He would internalize his pain and anger, often taking it out on himself in the form of self-harm. "Instead of harming yourself, let's try a different approach" you added. You decided to approach the subject differently. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of his past, you encouraged Choi San to express his emotions through art therapy.

You gave him a set of paints, canvas, and other art supplies, and asked him to create something that represented how he felt inside. At first, Choi San was skeptical, but as he began to paint, he found himself pouring all of his anger and sadness onto the canvas. The more he painted, the more cathartic the experience became.

[faulix]

btw, since people love lying about me on this website:

i have not known lolthia for a year like they claim. i first learned of lolthia about a month ago when i noticed their racist treatment of my friend. it was by chance we learned of their goretober list that had abuse glorification with prompts like medical/drugged torture, kidnapping, and stalking. we were able to see that lolthia had a pattern of writing yandere, murder, and other gross topics with a quick search of their blog. THAT is why i decided to say something and call them out. period

x

i find it kind of hilarious that you're claiming to have blocked me from servers and discord so you don't have proof. i wonder if you would even know my discord, yknow, the one handle i haven't changed in years. i mean, surely if you have me blocked you would be able to pull that up easy right? let's not forget the fact that you're claiming to know me personally when you cannot even get my pronouns right.

x

the funny part about this is that barely anyone who rb'ed your callout weren't even your mutuals, with a good amount of people actually adding in the notes how fed up they were with your bullshit. i am not a big enstars blog. i'm not even talking about enstars right now. i am a small blogger with less than 100 followers who ships with the only two minor characters in enstars. a majority of people who have rb'ed your callout are not big enstars bloggers. we are small time selfshippers just trying to have a fun time on tumblr dot com. the only one who is willfully taking themselves out of the fandom or even the circle of enstars selfshippers is you. you willfully create harmful content, you paint yourself as the victim, and you refuse to apologize for multiple things such as your racism and suicide baiting.

x

i am nice to others because they are not winding up their victim complex to make me look like the bad guy. again, if you have legitimate proof that we were once friends: look at your blocklist (or your server blocklist) and post my handle. i dare you. but then again, you probably couldn't do that considering you don't know what the username is. i think the funniest thing about it is that you can't even be bothered to post the server name, can't even bother to explain how we met (shocker considering i've only been into enstars actively for like barely a year now), it is you saying "well this is clearly my word against his" when you can't even provide the basic proof that you and i ever knew each other. you probably DON'T want me to post the ask where you said that you had finally found me and lamented that we could even be friends now if i would take back my words and be the bigger person. but then again, you kind of admitted that yourself when you said you didn't know who made the callout and even said it could be multiple people because you didn't know, but hey, let's take back that and spin it as a long rooted hate campaign by me. x

btw, when i first made this post, i held off on posting it because i haven't received nonanon asks for this, so i was able to chalk it up to you just trying to send more anons toward me to get me painted as the villain, but since this morning i woke up to you making a callout post about me that was filled with lies and fake screenshots it's about time i speak up. you may have deleted it, but don't worry, i made sure to screenshot everything you said and put it in an imgur album to refresh your memory. right here, don't worry, i took every screenshot word for word so you can remember what you said.

i'm not going to post every single screenshot to this. i think it would be insane behavior to make this post even longer. so let me just some up my feelings:

in your fake screenshots not only did you try to blur out what my name was (probably because these are not actually talking about me, but hey, you thought you could make it work, right?) but you proceed to, once again, continuously use the wrong pronouns for me, which is kind of weird since you're claiming to have known me for a year.

let me reiterate this so you get it through you thick skull: i use he/it pronouns and have been doing so for years now. your callout and screenshots repeatedly uses the wrong pronouns for me. do not even bother claiming you didn't know or that i recently changed them as my past blog and every single friend i'm close with will testify to my pronouns, and i'm absolutely sick of you misgendering and degendering me and my identity. considering you've been sending me several asks you could have easily looked and my pronouns in both my description and pinned, but hey, that's another lie for you, right?

then you post a screenshot of a server main chat, but it's very convenient of you to 1.) not get the server name and 2.) leave out the date you sent it, yknow, the things that you could at least say we shared together. i wonder why you didn't bother to get that information if it was so important. oh wait, i do! it's because you are deliberately lying about me to paint yourself as the victim.

i'm not going to even dissect the lies you weave together because, once again, you are speaking without proof. this is not a case of "my words against his" you are deliberately spreading lies on the grounds that you think no one will fact check you, you tool. again, if i was such a danger to you that i would deliberately make several accounts to surpass your "ban", why would you not post my discord username or the "alt accounts" i made to protect others for safety? why don't you do so now? oh! it's because you don't know them and are lying through your teeth.

i did not send you an ask where i told you that you needed to change your goretober list to get rid of the necrophilia. if i did, how about you post it with my url and call me wrong. not to mention the biggest thing i called you out on was the fact that you were glorifying and romanticizing abuse with drugged torture, kidnapping, and stalking. but sure let's gloss over that part because that would make you look bad!

there is nothing out of context in what you said or did, it is in plain english, several screenshots where you demonized a selfshipper of color because "they were more popular than you", pulled several excuses out of your ass to ship with a 16 year old, and put suicide baits in the main enstars tags, oh but don't worry! in your eyes the enstars fandom deserved it! and you want to paint yourself as innocent? give me a fucking break.

and the absolute gall of you to proclaim you acted like this because of your bpd, which you're still rb'ing sad bpd posts now. the nerve of you to assume i am not neurotypical when i have been struggling with autism and adhd all my life, and my own bpd for the past 14 years since i was diagnosed. it is not an act of ableism to call you out on your disgusting behavior towards people of color and abuse victims. i don't care about your backstory. you know exactly what you are doing and say that you are "exploring dark themes". no one believes you, and no one ever will. and miss me with that "i didn't know the shipper's race" as if you did not see the commissions you were directly complaining about them that shows them as not white very obviously. but hey, what's one more lie for you?

just so you know: every single ask you have sent me i have kept. from where you pretended to be 10 different people, all from your original ask where you think we should "just talk it out" without you taking any accountability, thanking me for the callout, pretending to be anons sticking up for you, and even threatening me with fake evidence that i have been in enstars servers sending death threats. but hey, since i didn't respond to those so you could have ammunition as so you could say i'm stalking you and villainizing you, i guess the next step would be a callout!

i will never be as obsessed with you as you are with me. you are the stupidest person on this planet if you genuinely thought i would not catch wind of what you were doing, from sending me and my friends and mutuals several asks to deliberately lying about me on your own blog. you have sent me over 50 asks in 24 hours, spamming my inbox with anons, but you couldn't even bother changing your typing style. you can't be bothered to tell people to watch out for this discord user because, again, you don't even know who i am. you can spin a web of lies to cover your ass, but barely anyone sees through it, and no amount of anons you send yourself will never convince anyone, especially strangers who has seen your blog. i do not care about how you no longer can look forward to your sick goretober where you glorify the abuse that real people go through. i am a grown adult with a job, school life, friends, pets, and so much more. maybe you could be the same if you shaped up and stopped being on tumblr. touch some grass for once. no one will believe you. i will not delete your callout. you have deliberately done horrible acts and acted like you were being demonized because "the enstars fandom and selfshippers are mean and cliquey", as if people don't see right through what you post without care and how you act. either apologize for what you have willfully done or log off and deactivate. i don't care which. leave me alone, leave my friends and mutuals alone, and grow up.

btw, i figured i would also throw this in the enstars tags so people would know about your horrible act and how you have treated me and demonized me for the past two days for standing up for my friends and the people you've hurt. here's the original callout btw, just in case anyone's new here! i don't care how badly you say this affects you because, again the only person trying to demonize you is you yourself. you lie about every aspect to save your ass and i will not take it. i mean, you tagged my "callout" with enstars tags (despite the fact that i never interact with the enstars fandom and have been talking about brc for the past month) but hey! if you wanna act like a clown i'll treat you like one.

you are an absolute moron if you think 1.) anyone would believe you considering your past behavior and 2.) thought i would just lay over and start crytyping for an apology. you are 20 years old acting like a spoiled toddler who got punished for throwing toys at others. i have more resolve, a backbone, and friends that will always care for me and support me, sorry if you can't relate. fuck you

[brionysea]

i keep THINKING about this. because of the way the situation is set up, with mike being torn on if he's actually seeing el somehow or if he's just grieving and losing his mind, he's kind of half talking to himself and half talking to el here. effectively, this is possibly the closest we've ever gotten to seeing inside mike's head. since that thing's one of labyrinthine complexity and more closely guarded than a maximum security prison, you can imagine my interest

the thing with season 2 mike was his sudden personality shift due to trauma, amplified by the anniversary date of the trauma approaching (like what the doctors assumed was happening with will). in the first season mike was a total sweetheart and only snapped when (reasonably) provoked. the snappiness kind of stuck around after this, particularly in season 3, and there seems to be the assumption that it's... not because of trauma anymore? or something? that he just turned into an asshole for no reason?? but considering this is the origin of that behaviour, i don't think it should be ignored

the way he describes what happens, in this kind of self-therapy session that his radio ritual seems to have turned into, is really interesting because... he knows what he's doing. he demonstrates self awareness. he's not oblivious about it like it's easy to assume he is about all emotional concerns. when people he trusts are lying to his face, yeah, he'll come across a bit oblivious to us when we've been shown what's actually going on, but this... well, it's tangentially about el, but he's half convinced that el actually is dead. this is about mike. about what mike is feeling

self reflection is a whole different conversation from trying to understand what's going on in other people's heads, especially for someone as smart as mike. when you're intelligent but not emotionally equipped it's extremely frustrating, because you know exactly what you're doing - often in real time - but you have zero tools to stop yourself from doing it. mike lacks self control, not self awareness, because you unfortunately can't beat depression by really, really wanting to, any more than you could will your leg into not being broken anymore

exacerbate his irritability and natural impulse levels with trauma, and you've got a very snappy mike wheeler on your hands

he sounds like he regrets snapping at the party, and considering how much we know he cares about them, that's not only believable but extremely likely. last time we saw him drive most of them away like this he started spiralling until dustin snapped him out of it (which, interestingly, is also what happens in both of the on-screen radio rituals where dustin pops up again wanting to talk)

i... don't think mike sounds like he's beating himself up over it? more like he's trying to figure out his own behaviour, which is... unexpected, for his utter lack of self esteem and the show-wide belief that Everything Bad Ever is his fault. especially since his parents just said that exact thing to him, like, yesterday, about how his depression is a crime against nature or morally reprehensible or whatever they were blaming their traumatised child for that week. but he does call himself stupid one of the times he tries and it doesn't work, so maybe it's just on a delay when he thinks he might have an audience

he also gets immediately annoyed when dustin brings up max again, says something snappy, and goes right back to isolating himself. exactly like before, making it the third time in one day

(see what i mean? he can't control how he reacts to the simplest things, even when there's no way he doesn't recognise the pattern. it must drive him nuts)

grouping himself in with dustin and lucas as missing el is just... okay. there's the shippy (or distinctly non-shippy) way of looking at it, if that's your thing, but just the fact that mike is so clearly grieving on a different level and still remembers that the other party members who knew el are grieving her too is like. unbelievably selfless and situationally aware of him

he's the one who got traumatised by witnessing that loss. he's the one who thinks he's going crazy and hallucinating things from how much losing el hurt him personally. and still, despite his outward behaviour towards them, he's not so blinded by his own (extremely overwhelming) experience that he lets himself forget that the others are going through a version of this too

even when he's lashing out, to this day, a part of him is probably yelling at himself to stop. and he just sits in that self loathing, not breathing a word of it to anyone. did you guys hear that? it was the sound of my heart breaking

[many-but-one]

Hi,

Quick question* regarding polyfragmentation. What do you consider polyfrag? I know that 100+ alter count isn't what makes a system polyfragmented, but as a system with a load of fragments, do these fragments "count" when doing an alter count? We seem to have only around 10ish "main guys", (alters "distinct enough" (not sure on the vocab) to give me a name) but some pretty complex splitting patterns, i think, (a pair of twins, "just some guy tm" repeated, at least 2 "subsystems" (can you have a subsystem with only fragments? I think that's the situation, but I'm not sure) ) and as mentioned before a bunch of fragments (80+ according to a gatekeeper, separated into what I think are subsystems based on trauma "type"). One of those "subsystems" seem to work like a "build-a-bear/potato-head", where a bunch of different frags come together depending on the situation and then split back up again, which seems to be a polyfrag thing, from what I've read? But we usually feel a little stupid when we say "Oh we're polyfrag..ish...???", and then there's the, "well then, how many alters do you have?" "...10.."

Could you write a bit about polyfragmentation, and what the continuum between DID and Pf-DID/C-DID kinda looks like?

Thank you!

*that was not a "quick" question, sorry bout that, and the excessive parenthesis usage.

So, what I understand about polyfragmentation is that it's less about the alter count (100+ alters is just more common) and more about the structure of the system and how the system formed over time. You don't need to go through RAMCOA to be a polyfrag system, either. Here's what I've gathered is "required" for a polyfrag system:

large alter count (yes, fragments count into the alter count, but some systems choose not to consider them since they aren't "whole" however, they are still alters in their own right despite the fragmentation). However, what a system defines as a high alter count to "qualify" for polyfragmentation varies. I've met systems who would "count" as polyfrag who only have about 60 parts and fragments, but they meet a lot of the criteria for polyfrag so they use the label. I've also met polyfrag systems who are so fragmented they cannot even come up with a proper number to describe how fragmented they are, well into the thousands. Those higher number polyfrag systems (like us) also often have frequent fusions and splits that make it difficult to keep an accurate headcount, and most of our fragments have no name or appearance that can be understood. They still count into the headcount, but keeping track of them is nigh impossible. Which is why we just toss out "over 1k+" because that's about as good as it's gonna get for us. We likely have much more than even that but we have no true way of keeping an accurate count and our primary gatekeeper doesn't want us to anyway.

abuse typically starts before the age of five and is integrated into your daily life. More often, the earlier the abuse started and the more integrated into daily life it is, the more your brain has to rely on dissociation as a coping skill and the more often your brain will split alters for any type of situation or stressor. This is most obvious if the trauma began in your pre-verbal years, as you wouldn't have the words to describe what was happening to you or the understanding of what was happening to you, so your brain's FIRST line of defense is dissociation rather than trying to wrap your head around it or speak about it in some way. "Integrated into daily life" means trauma is happening every day or extremely often, and often in multiple aspects of your life. Such as being bullied at school, being abused at home, and having poor interpersonal relationships with people outside of both home and school. This leaves nowhere safe for the child to turn to but their own mind. So a child doesn't need to be tortured endlessly day in and day out to become polyfrag, it's just a more common way for polyfragmentation to occur due to the severity of the abuse and the manipulation that often comes with child torture.

presence of subsystems. Not all systems with subsystems are C-DID, but if they exhibit multiple other signs of polyfragmentation and also have subsystems, then it's likely they are polyfrag. Subsystems are much more commonly seen in C-DID systems. And yes, a subsystem can be primarily fragments and often are. Systems with alter counts that are quite high (60+) will not usually have 60+ alters that are whole and fully formed. More likely they'll have something like what you've got going on, 10-15 "fuller" parts and a whole slew of fragments. In our system (an HC-DID system) we actually don't have that many "full" parts, and all parts except for perhaps two or three who appear to be "full" are actually subsystems (alter in alter types), essentially a part full of fragments to create the illusion of a more full and well-rounded alter. Kind of like a bunch of little guys under a trenchcoat to create the illusion of one guy. I'm pretty sure Aridam (our highest level, primary gatekeeper), Dorian (our former host who is an ANP who holds no trauma), and maybe one of our early life caretakers are the only three that aren't alter-in-alter subsystems who seem to have a "fuller" or more well-rounded personality. Though I may eat my words later.

presence of ANEPs. These are "Apparently Normal Emotional Parts" and these are parts who are traumatized like an EP would be but are also functional in everyday life. Almost all of our host team alters are ANEPs, and from what I've gathered, they're very often "alter in alter" subsystems in both our system and other systems we've encountered. Because they are traumatized but often emotionally detached from the trauma, or have the ability to just not think about it too hard in order to function in everyday life. However, the emotions tied to the trauma have to go *somewhere* and that's usually either held in another alter in the system or held within a fragment in their alter-in-alter subsystem.

complex splitting patterns. The user @multiple-myselves made a post a while back talking about how they and other polyfrag folks have labeled different splitting patterns. They also talk a lot about things that are often seen in polyfragmentation, so if you're needing more answers, I suggest heading over there. They have a lot of good information about the subject. To quote the part of the post that talks about complex splitting patterns (which we only have a screenshot of, unfortunately, as searching tags on tumblr is a pain and a half), some examples of splitting patterns include: "fractal splitting, (parts that split in two and those parts split into two and so on or in a similar pattern), iterative splits (part splits into a fragment that develops into a fuller part and then splits again), splitting multiple parts at once, etc." For us, splitting patterns also include: splitting multiple versions of the same guy (almost like having a "base" that a split starts from. We have so many guys with white hair and blue eyes it's ridiculous, and that's because the "white haired blue eyed boy" is a template that our brain keeps handy. Same with the "black haired blue eyed boy"), splitting a new fragment for a very particular purpose and when that purpose is over, that fragment re-fuses into the part it split from (depending on how long that purpose lasted, this part could have elaborated a bit, which will then make the fused part at the end fundamentally different than when before the split occurred), and for our system some parts are programmed to split a certain number of parts every single time they split, usually a number that's significant to that part's trauma so I won't share the number for our safety.

As for your last question, I'm going to be honest, I only know the experiences of a polyfrag system since I am a polyfrag system. However, from what I can gather, DID systems are not without fragments, but usually the number of fragments won't exceed the number of "fuller" parts, or won't reach an extremely high number. Polyfragmented systems also seem to have an easier time with co-consciousness or having more than just two parts fronting (oftentimes, we can have up to three to five parts fronting or in co-con with a primary fronter at the same time, but that's also because most of those extra folks are fragments. Our communication has gotten to such a point that we can kind of "build a fronter" for a given situation that is needed based on what fragments are able to handle that situation the best. i.e. Marrow is very chill and emotionally level, Gmork is very not chill or emotionally level but very motivated and has high energy levels, and Dire is very well-organized, so having the three of them as a fronting team to get daily life tasks completed like applying for jobs or cleaning an area or feeding the body is a very good fronting "team." In that same vein, Vivek and Vasile are a great fronting team when social situations arise because Vivek is highly social and good at making friends, but he tends to overspend on the body's energy levels, so having Vasile in co-front keeps Vivek's energy in check and also keeps us from being too impulsive. Vivek is very impulsive and while Vasile can be, he's much less so. Dire often helps in these situations as well.)

I hope that this helped to answer your question.

[viewfromgumlog]

Blog 2: Chinese Medicine, Its Complexity, and Me

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.

Albert Einstein

A view from our front porch:

Trying to change my perspective and eating patterns to follow Traditional Chinese medicine’s (TCM's) recommendations has proven to be difficult. I consulted several sources. When I got down to specifics, like what to specifically eat or not eat, not all the sources agreed.

My husband hates change. He eats differently than I do already, but I do the shopping and cook our main meal. However, he always cautions me about making too many changes too quickly. After being married almost 36 years, he does know me fairly well! So . . .

Easy Does It

and

Keep It Simple

Chinese Medicine Simplified

Chinese medicine’s complexity far exceeds the limitations of this blog, but I will try and provide a simplified overview of it.

From the perspective of Chinese medicine, everything is interdependent and comes from the flow of qi, or energy. To be healthy, we must keep a dynamic state of balance in our bodies, living in harmony with ourselves, others, and all of nature. 

The familiar tajii, or Yang/Yin symbol, illustrates this dynamic balance. Yang energy, the white area, motivates, energizes, and embodies qi. Yin energy, the black area, cools, moistens, nourishes, and anchors our shen, or spirit. These intertwined energies are found in every living thing.

Food is medicine.

Food is not just something with calories, vitamins, minerals, protein, carbs, and fat content. Every food has a thermal energy, the qi of food, that affects our internal balance of yin and yang. All food is categorized according to its thermal energy which can range from cold to hot. Warming foods have a yang action while cooling foods are yin acting. Yang foods cause ascending energy while Yin foods cause descending energy.

Chinese medicine also considers a food’s flavor as therapeutic. Sweet and pungent foods have a yang action. Salty, sour, and bitter foods bring about yin energy. Foods can be drying, lubricating, neutral, or strengthening. 

Learning More About TCM and Foods

I consulted three books about food and TCM.

The first book I consulted was Total Health the Chinese Way: An Essential Guide to Eating by Esther Tin and Marian Jas. She has a nice table of foods organized by their thermal properties and another table matching the thermal properties to symptoms. Its simplicity makes it handy to look at when menu planning and grocery shopping. They also have included a questionnaire to determine your body temperature and energy level. I was somewhat confused by my results since I have symptoms in several areas. (More on this in my next blog.) In my opinion, this book ranks the highest for ease of understanding.

For extensive descriptions of foods and their properties and much more information on TCM, Paul Pitchford has written over 600 pages of information. I ended up using the index to figure out what would work for me since reading everything was overwhelming. If I want to know the properties of a food and what it is recommended for, this book tops all others. The PINES library system has this book, but after reading parts of it, I ordered a copy for myself. This books does not use the motto, "Easy Does It," but it did help me clarify the direction I need to take to heal my infirmities. I checked out my conclusion with my acupuncturist at my first visit. She confirmed that my conclusion was right.

Goldsmith and Klein also write about TCM so anyone can understand it. I bought the book for the recipes but she uses many Chinese ingredients that are not available in rural northeast Georgia. Plus, her recipes are somewhat complicated. I use the motto "Keep it simple" in the kitchen!

To find out how I applied this to my health challenges, be sure and read my next blog.

Book References with links to them on Amazon:

Goldsmith, Ellen and Maya Klein. Nutritional Healing with Chinese Medicine.  Robert Rose, 2017.

Pitchford, Paul. Healing with Whole Foods: Asian Traditions and Modern Nutrition. North Atlantic Books, 2002.

Ting, Esther and Marianne Jas. Total Health the Chinese Way: An Essential Guide to Easing Pain, Reducing Stress, Treating Illness, and Restoring the Body through. DaCapo Lifelong Books, 2009.

[adobe-outdesign]

Magikarp/gyarados review? 🐟🎏🐉

Magikarp is everyone's favorite useless fish, and it does a pretty damn good job at being a Useless Fish. I think the eyes really get this across well—this is a creature that absolutely only has a single brain cell bouncing around in there like a game of Pong, all right.

Visually, the design is pretty simple, but it does what it needs to. Like I said, the expression is spot-on, and the open mouth also adds something to it. The whiskers are nice, both carp-like but also reminiscent of eastern dragons, and the body has a distinctive bony shape that'll become even more prominent when it evolves into Gyarados.

The only thing that bugs me about it is the pink mouth; it looks disturbingly fleshy and adds another color that isn't needed. White or yellow would've worked much better. Also, I don't really think the lines under the bottom of the head were needed, but that's a very minor thing.

(Also, side note: this isn't needed in any capacity, but Magikarp was given some pretty neat patterns in the Magikarp Jump game. Some of them are completely different colors and look a bit too much like shinies, but the more koi-like ones are really cool and I wouldn't mind seeing them in an official game.)

The whole concept of a fundamentally weak and useless Pokemon evolving into something badass and powerful is a great concept, and Gyarados pulls it off very well. It's also a nod to the Chinese legends about how carp that managed to jump over waterfalls would become dragons, so that adds another layer to it. It's also probably based in part off of windsocks, hence the water/flying typing (keep in mind that in Gen 1, the dragon type was still considered to be rare and mythical).

Visually, I think Gyarados does a good job looking more powerful without being completely disassociated from it's pre-evo. Similar to the Dratini line, people seem to think the two stages have nothing in common, which isn't true at all. They both have:

"Lips" and wide open mouths

Whiskers

Three-pronged fin structures on the back

The fins near the head having an edge at the top and the tail having two edges

Segmenting of the body

A bony, rigid body structure

Gyarados changes color and gains a more serpentine body, but the visual elements and overall design remain shockingly similar so you can stop trying to say Gyarados and Dragonite were flipped just because Gyarados is long and blue, seriously if I see that "theory" one more time I am going to go apeshit on someone

Visually, you can definitely tell that this is a powerful Pokemon, and I love the shapes and detailing around the head. The repetition of the body segments helps to create a pattern, simplifying what would otherwise be a complex design.

The only nitpick I have is that it's strange that the whiskers are positioned under the head instead of by the mouth, which isn't a big deal but is hard to unsee once you see it. Also, the three prongs on the head would've worked better in cream or white. Otherwise, I have no complaints.

Gyarados also has a mega for no real reason, though at least with this one you can't argue it would've been better as a regular evo, as that would've defeated the point of the Entire Everything.

I don't think it adds much to the line, but the design itself isn't terrible. I do actually really like the massive back fins, which pop nicely and instantly gives a focus point to the design. Other than that, most of the design is just exaggerating things already on base Gyarados—longer whiskers, longer head ornament, long head fins, extra body fins, etc., which works to make it look more powerful.

However, I do have a few issues with it. Adding two colors to a previously two-color design feels like a bit much, and all three colors are too low contrast. I think the black was added to try to haphazardly justify the dark typing, but all the black areas could easily be cream/red without losing anything. Alternatively, making the red areas cream would've helped with the contrast; I'm not sure why they're there anyway, other than a tenuous connection to Magikarp. Here's a quick edit to show what I mean (original on left):

Also, it actually has two giant back fins. When I first saw it I thought it had one, and frankly I think that would look just as good but would've cut down on the clutter a bit. It doesn't look too bad from a side angle, but it's a bit much from the front:

I'm also not big on the two extra tail fins, as the bottom set interrupts the flow a bit (they're also more rounded than the main fins; some consistency would've been nice), and the spike under the chin feels random. Everything else, however, works well enough for what they were going for, and it's at least an interesting albeit pointless take on the original design.

Anyway, overall: the concept of a weak Pokemon suddenly getting super strong upon evolution is a good one, and this line handles it well. Magikarp is endearingly useless, and Gyarados has good contrast with it while still looking like they belong together. The mega isn't quite as good, but it's still a solid enough design as a whole minus some clutter and odd color choices.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

the pursuer-distancer dyad & how it applies to the world of BL

Not too surprisingly, since I have a psychology PhD, I notice a lot of examples in my BL-watching of psychological concepts related to relationship dynamics and sometimes individual characteristics. I also probably like BLs because I’ve sought them out in part because they present an opportunity to do some complex thinking about relationships and how we approach them. 

A quick thing to note: BL characters are, of course, not real. But their stories resonate with us because they have some kind of relationship to reality. There’s a continuum from very realistic and highly relatable, to heightened for effect (this can make it easier to see certain things clearly, so they can still teach us useful things about real life), all the way to highly unrealistic stuff where we can relate to it because unusual experiences symbolically stand in for something else (see the classic “sure, he’s a murderer, but he’s my babygirl” phenomenon).

This post is about pursuer-distancer dynamics in relationships. I’m going to explain the concept as quickly and simply as I can, then talk a little bit about BL tropes and specific examples. I hope that if I keep writing about stuff like this, this is a post I can link to for background info in the future.

Most of the stuff I’ve seen on pursuer-distancer dynamics stems from Harriet Lerner’s work. She’s a Bowenian family systems therapist with a feminist bent who has written a lot of incisive but accessible books for popular audiences. Family systems theory is a way of looking at relationships as complex systems in which our patterns of behavior are interrelated. Hopefully that last sentence will make more sense after I explain further. For now, let’s dive in.

Here’s Lerner introducing the concepts of pursuers and distancers with a bulleted list from her book The Dance of Anger, excerpted below:

PURSUERS

• react to anxiety by seeking greater togetherness in a relationship.

• place a high value on talking things out and expressing feelings, and believe others should do the same.

• feel rejected and take it personally when someone close to them wants more time and space alone or away from the relationship.

• tend to pursue harder and then coldly withdraw when an important person seeks distance.

DISTANCERS

• seek emotional distance or physical space when stress is high.

• consider themselves to be self-reliant and private persons—more “do-it-yourselfers” than help-seekers.

• have difficulty showing their needy, vulnerable, and dependent sides.

• open up most freely when they are not pushed or pursued.

Sometimes we see these roles happen in clear-cut ways similar to what Lerner describes. But they can also show up in more complex ways. Roles can vary both between and within relationships. In other words, you can be a distancer in one relationship and a pursuer in another, and you can be both a pursuer and a distancer in different areas within the same relationship.

In healthy relationships that aren’t under any particular stress, pursuing and distancing would still happen. But partners would be free to engage in either as needed in a flexible way instead of being stuck in entrenched roles. 

Side note: there’s a difference between pursuing in the sense of wanting to be in a relationship with someone and pursuing a partner emotionally in an established relationship, just as there’s a difference between distancing yourself from a potential partner and distancing yourself from an established partner. I’m including a shot from Semantic Error above because it has a quality that not very many BLs have: there’s a seme type (a character who’s pursuing in the sense of trying to start a relationship) who seems like he’d be a pursuer in a relationship, and a uke type (who’s somewhat resistant to getting together) who seems like he’d be a distancer within a relationship.

So, why do we get caught in these entrenched, interrelated roles in relationships?

Lerner sees them as a sort of unspoken deal that we make with people we’re close to because deep down, we want to avoid acknowledging certain needs and the emotions that come with them. It’s a fairly universal thing that human beings both crave intimacy and fear it. But this is hard to acknowledge. It’s tempting to disavow either our need for closeness or our need for independence.

As Lerner puts it:

Emotional pursuers protect emotional distancers. By doing the work of expressing the neediness, clingingness, and wish for closeness for both partners, pursuers make it possible for distancers to avoid confronting their own dependency wishes and insecurities.

It goes both ways. Distancers can convince themselves that they don’t have a need for closeness because their pursuer is holding all of the neediness for them. Pursuers can convince themselves they don’t have any desire to avoid intimacy because their distancer will hold that for them. 

Not only do we make these unspoken bargains within relationships, but our tendencies to pursue or distance inform the partners we choose in the first place. Those of us with a tendency to pursue may gravitate to partners with a tendency to distance, or vice versa.

So, what’s the alternative? Lerner writes that relationships are healthier and more honest when both partners can acknowledge both their need for intimacy and their need for independence. 

Before I move on to BL-specific stuff, a couple things to note. First, the way in which pursuer and distancer roles are complementary is a pattern that comes up in a lot of other relationship roles. There are a number of ways in which we sort of delegate certain relational tasks or emotional states within a relationship and disavow those they have assigned to the other person. Second, the tendency to pursue or distance is related to other factors, such as attachment style, and I may get into some of those in other posts.

So, on to BL tropes. Let’s start by looking at maybe the most foundational BL trope, the seme/uke pairing. I honestly think I’m still working on fully grasping that concept. But of the varying definitions I’ve seen, I much prefer ones that define the seme as the person doing the pursuing and the uke as the person being pursued (rather than putting it in terms of semes as “aggressive” or making gross assumptions about topping and bottoming). It’s pretty obvious from the use of “pursue” here that the idea of a pursuer/distancer dynamic readily applies here, although it doesn’t map on perfectly.

So, what do Lerner’s ideas about pursuer/distancer dyads tell us about the ways BL dyads negotiate closeness?

It helps to explain the appeal of tsundere characters as ukes. Not as a fictional character, but their appeal to a seme. Watching a BL with a sweet seme and a grouchy uke, you might look at that seme and say, “poor thing, too bad he has to like someone who’s so grumpy” and see him as fully and sincerely seeking as much intimacy with the uke as he can get. But why did this person who’s supposedly so interested in intimacy fall for someone so prickly? Pursuers find distancers appealing because they can chase after them all they want and while, hopefully, they’ll catch up to them at times and experience some intimacy, it won’t be too easy. If it was too easy, the pursuer would 1) get more intimacy than they bargained for and 2) have to admit to themselves and their tsundere that they need distance sometimes too.

The reverse is also true. A uke can better afford to distance himself, or push a seme away, because on some level he trusts the seme to continue to pursue.

One thing I didn’t get into above but that Lerner points out: when a pursuer gets fed up with pursuing and not “catching” their partner enough, they tend to engage in what she calls “reactive distance.” This isn’t like when a pursuer calmly and authentically gets in touch with their need for independence and acts on it, making their approach to their relationship more balanced. It’s when a pursuer feels rejected and, well, pouts. I can think of a few examples of this in BLs but the first one that comes to my mind is from To My Star 2. (Spoilers ahead!) Seo Joon spends most of the season doing a serious full-court press to try to get Ji Woo back. In the face of a lot of rejection, some of it distinctly mean-spirited, he just keeps trying. And then, suddenly, he doesn’t. He takes his camper out to the woods where he has no phone reception, and when his management can’t get in contact with him, Ji Woo panics and is afraid something terrible has happened to him. But when he finds him calmly drinking a beer beside his camper, Seo Joon’s manner has changed drastically--he’s cold and dismissive. He still actually wants Ji Woo back. But he’s gotten to the point where he’s hurt enough to get into reactive distance mode. Later in the show, he does something similar. When Ji Woo finally wants to reconcile, Seo Joon is reluctant (for a little while). Chasing Ji Woo (while Ji Woo distances himself) was easier than dealing with all of the questions that come with reconciling with him, like whether he can really feel safe resuming a relationship with someone who ghosted him for a year. (I should note that there seems to be reasonable disagreement about who the seme is in this relationship, if indeed there is one in the strictest sense, but Seo Joon is definitely a pursuer in the family systems sense.)

There are other ways, besides choosing a distancer as their object of interest, in which a pursuer can build in safety mechanisms to make sure their pursuit doesn’t result in more intimacy than they can handle. I’m thinking of Utsukushii Kare here. I have a lot of thoughts here that should probably be in a separate post. I’ll just say that Hira and Kiyoi are both intensely ambivalent about intimacy and that despite Hira largely pursuing Kiyoi and Kiyoi mostly acting as the distancer, they turn those roles inside out and backwards and randomly trade positions. Honestly half my reason for writing this is so that I can pull all of these ideas into an Utsukushii Kare post later because they are a great example about how these dynamics can turn into a tangled mess.

I’ll leave it at that for the moment. As I said above, I’m planning to pull from these ideas for at least one in-depth post on Utsukushii Kare and if there’s interest and I have the time and energy I’ll try doing something similar about some other constructs that apply to BLs in a useful way.