#I could go on for several hours but unfortunately I am late for work

[hotmessmaxpress]

I love all your AUs!! They're honestly little boosts of happiness throughout my day. That being said, I saw your tag on the a/b/o au (essays on marc and bezzs dynamic) and would love to hear your thoughts on them . Pls

Thank you!! I had a response to this all typed out and then the app deleted it. So now I'm on my laptop with literally 9 minutes before I have to leave for work (booo capitalism).

So!

I think that both Marc and Bezz are not raised as "good"/traditional omegas. They were both just too involved in racing to worry about that sort of thing, and racing has historically been alpha-dominated (think of like, a girl growing up with a single dad and she has to google how to shave her legs bc he's got not idea).

As Marc grew up and got famous, he was able to work being an omega into his Brand a bit and lean into it, and get more comfortable with that part of his identity. With that, though, came a lot of stigma and controversy.

So when Bezz is coming up through the levels of racing and Vale takes him under his wing, he shelters Bezz from that. So Bezz never outright denies being an omega, but he never really advertises it either. Vale doesn't want him to be in the position he saw Marc in at Bezz's age. So I think one of the many reasons that Bezz ends up loving Marc is that he allows him a window into what it's like to really be comfortable with that part of his identity. Bezz will never be pussy popping on the podium waxing his whole body etc but at least he feels comfortable now

I also think that their relationship (despite being a MarcMarc truther, their relationship isn't romantic in this au) is super codependent and weird. They literally love each other so much and it never goes away. Marc and Vale have a baby and Bezz is literally right there, supporting Marc in a way that is so unique to the two of them. Vale wouldn't want to, but he knows that even if he did there's no getting rid of Bezz. He and Marc are just too codependent lolll

It doesn't help that in this au I see Bezz ending up with Luca. So Vale gets to spend the rest of his life watching his mate and his brother's mate be absolutely attached at the hip obnoxious obsessed with each other. Imagine the number of tandem deep-sighs between the Rossi-Marini bros.

[chucky-vs-the-giant-tortoise]

sleepless nights

JJ Maybank x sister!reader

(REQUEST): Hiii!!! First of all i hope you're doing good🫶🏻 This idea just popped in my mind and I was wondering if you could write it. So sister!reader has trouble falling asleep so brother!jj let her hang out with the pogues for a little while so she'll maybe drift off easier but nuh uh that girl is still being restless then once she's tucked to bed, she keeps calling jj to come and sleep with her, because she only feels safe by his side♡ Thanks you!! I love your account so much mwahh💋

warning(s): N/A

a/n: thank you so much for being my very first request, my dear. i took a few liberties with your prompt but i hope you enjoy it all the same. i am very grateful for your support!

JJ had tried everything.

He'd tried bedtime stories and back rubs, he'd hummed old Disney songs and offered mugs of warm milk. Hell, he'd even tried good old fashioned bribery, promising all the sweets and plushies her tiny heart desired in exchange for a good eight hours of shut-eye—but to no avail.

This kid just would not sleep.

JJ watched dejectedly as Y/N plucked at the strings of Kie's ukulele, curiousity shining in her large eyes. She'd been at it for a few long minutes now, her tongue poking out of her mouth from the sheer intensity of her concentration as she composed a grating, pitchy version of 'music'.

In hindsight, bringing a very lively Y/N around his very wasted group of friends wasn't one of his better ideas, but the blond had grown desperate. Nothing was working—for whatever reason the five-year-old just wouldn't go down. He'd hoped that being around the Pogues would pacify her somehow—that their late night conversations around the fire could serve as a comfort to Y/N's reeling mind—but, unfortunately, lady luck just wasn't on his side tonight.

John B whooped and hollered as Y/N teased her final note, clapping exaggeratedly at her lacklustre performance. "Nice goin', Poguie! You've got some crazy skills." Y/N beamed from where she sat propped up in Kiara's lap.

"Encore!" Pope exclaimed in support, but JJ intervened before the young girl could start in on her next 'song'.

"No. No encores." He put a hand out to stop his sister from assaulting the ukulele any further, motioning that it was time to make her way back to him. The initial agreement of her staying with the Pogues was that she not stray from JJ’s lap, but it hadn’t taken long for that expectation to fly out the window. "It's getting late, Y/N. C'mere."

“Just a little longer, JJ, please?”

“We passed ‘a little longer’ fifteen minutes ago.”

Y/N pouted, slumping back into Kie's arms. “But Jay—"

"Now, Y/N. I'm not playing anymore." Y/N huffed. She knew not to fight with her brother when he got that severe edge to his voice, even though she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her night treating the Pogues to their very own VIP concert.

The young girl shuffled over to her big brother with a sour face, sinking into his arms without a fuss. She could tell that JJ was annoyed with her—he'd been too busy dealing with Y/N to have had the privilege of drinking, and without the alcohol to boost it, every minute he spent awake further weighed on his mood.

"Boooo!" Kie heckled. "You're such a party pooper, JJ."

"Big papa's mad," John B continued, earning a chorus of drunken laughter from the rest of the Pogues. JJ only rolled his eyes, adjusting himself so that Y/N could reluctantly rest her head on his chest.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up JB. See what happens the next time you need me to fix the Twinkie's engine." John B only pouted in response.

"Oh, come on, dude! You wouldn't let the ole girl die now, would you?" JJ cracked a smirk.

"Keep laughin' and y'all are gonna find out."

Y/N felt her eyelids growing heavier as she listened to the Pogues lose themselves in rapid-fire banter and shoulder-shaking laughter, the warmth of the fire caressing her back. She found comfort in the way her brother's stomach would tremble with the occasional chuckle, breathing in sync with the steady beating of his heart.

She'd spent the past twenty minutes playing with JJ's fingers, spinning the rings on his digits as he spoke, and the boy looked down at his sister with a smile when her hands eventually fell limp against his palm.

"Close your eyes, peanut," he whispered, though she might as well have been asleep already. Her lashes fluttered as she looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, clearly losing the battle she'd been fighting with sleep. "I've got you."

"Mm-mm," She mumbled, burying her head in JJ's t-shirt. He couldn't help but smile despite her defiance. Whether or not the Y/N was being difficult, she was pretty damned cute. "I wan’ stay up."

"I promise you're not missin' much, kid. Pope's jokes really aren't that funny."

"Hey!" The boy interjected, having now abandoned whichever one of Kie’s stories he'd been enthralled in only seconds before. From what JJ had gathered, it had something to do with Rafe Cameron and a golf buggie.

Y/N joined in with the Pogues as they mocked Pope’s now wounded ego, emitting quiet giggles that just barely stifled a yawn. JJ sighed. Though it was a pain, he would be lying if he said he wasn't impressed with Y/N’s determination to stay conscious. "How 'bout we get you to bed now, hm?"

"No," Y/N persisted, fighting not to shut her tired eyes. "I wanna stay with you."

The older boy patted his baby sister's back, pressing a long kiss to the top of her head. "How about this, kiddo. If you promise to shut your eyes and keep 'em closed, you can stay right here. That sound good?"

He barely had to tell her, it seemed, because Y/N's small body had gone limp against him before the words had finished leaving his mouth. JJ chuckled lightly, brushing a few hairs away from her now closed eyes.

"Finally," He breathed, kissing her head once more as he wrapped Y/N in a protective embrace. It had taken four long hours, but the small girl had finally given in to rest. "Y'all better quiet down. If Y/N wakes up it's on your goddamned heads."

"I don't think she's waking up anytime soon, Jay," Kie chuckled. She was right, JJ thought—Y/N would be having one Hell of a late morning tomorrow.

"Gotta hand it to her, though. Kid put up a good fight," John B said, raising his drink and saluding to Y/N before taking another swig of beer. “She’s one Hell of a Pogue if I’ve ever seen one.”

“You gonna bring her in?” Pope asked, and JJ considered it for a moment before shaking his head.

“Nah, man.”

He watched attentively as Y/N’s chest rose and fell with steady breaths, her small hand fisting a handful of his shirt. It warmed his heart to know that through all of her fussing and restlessness, all Y/N had really wanted was to stay by his side.

In that moment, JJ swore to never let her go.

“I think she’s good where she’s at.”

[midniiights-garden]

A Little Mistake MobAU!Mizu x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your scary, intimidating mob boss wife attempts to cook for you. It... does not go well.

TWs!! Mentions of blood and gore, mentions of violence, swearing

DISCLAIMER!!: REMEMBER Y'ALL THIS IS PURELY WORKS OF FICTION. I DO NOT CONDONE THE ROMANTICISATION OF ANY KIND OF MOB OR GANG AND I AM DESCRIBING IT AS SUCH. IF ANYONE YOUNG IS READING THIS IS ALL FICTITIOUS!!

To most people Mizu was untouchable. A Goddess in her own right. After she murdered her late husband she moved on, driven by rage and bitterness, and ended up starting a rather small but lethal group of assassins. With her as the head, of course. And for a long time she remained bitter and cold, her heart worn out with one too many heartbreaks.

Until she met you.

You were kind yet strict, a diamond in the rough one could say. The only catch? You were a woman.

Mizu was hesitant to pursue you at first, not really sure if she was ready for another heartbreak. Or to confront the fact that she was undoubtly attracted to women. However, it turned out she didn't have to. You made the first move, presenting her a single white tulip, not a word leaving your lips.

And the rest was history.

Now you and her were happily married. Mizu was happier than she ever thought she could be. She could practice her swordsmanship in peace and she had a pretty, intellegent and kind wife to boot.

It's been 4 years now. Mizu, being the secretly loving wife she was, snuck out of your shared bed early to cook for you. Did she know how to cook? No. Not at all. But it couldn't be that bad, right?

Wrong.

On the morning of fourth year anniversary you wake to the sound of Mizu swearing, said wife no where to be found and the smell of charcoal coming from the kitchen. You stumble out of bed, searching for Mizu only to find her in the kitchen with the fire exstinguisher in hand, a pan full of... something... being the cause of the smell.

"...happy anniversary?" Mizu greets quietly, smiling sheepishly at you as she lowers the fire extinguisher.

You sigh. How could you ever get mad at that precious face? All you do is walk forward, wrapping your arms around her waist and kissing her softly.

"Tried to cook, huh darling?" You ask, raising your eyebrow.

Mizu blushes out of embarassment, looking away.

"I... I didn't think it'd be that hard... I just wanted to surprise you since you're always cooking for us," she murmurs, now deciding to hide her face in the crook of your neck.

You giggle, squeezing her softly before planting a kiss to her forehead.

"Awww, darling. Thank you very much for trying. Lets try together now, huh? So that you know what to do for next time."

You spend the rest of the morning cleaning up Mizu's mess (much to her absolute embarassment) and then cooking alongside her, showing her how to adjust the heat, how to know when something was done cooking and showing her how to crack an egg. Somehow she really struggled with cracking an egg.

Unfortunately around an hour after finishing breakfast Mizu recieved word that she was needed. She left begrudgingly, apologizing profusely as she left to deal with... whatever it was she dealt with. You knew the gist, but you really weren't interested in the nitty gritty of it.

She returns at 2AM, her previously crisp white shirt drenched in blood. She had several scratches on her body and she was obviously not in a great mood. Before you could say anything she had tossed herself on top of you, curling into your warmth and staining your clothing with blood. Not that you cared right now.

You decide not to speak, instead holding your precious wife close as you wipe the blood splatters off her face. You watched as her face finally relaxed, the scowl wearing off and replaced by a more serene, content expression.

"Tired?" You whisper.

"Yeah...." She replies. "...I'm sorry for not being here today, my love."

You shake your head, understanding the severity of her work.

"No, it's alright. You're here now, right? That's all that matters. You're here."

Mizu looks up at you, her eyes tired yet undoubtly so grateful for your entire exsistance.

"I love you... I love you so much," she whispers hoarsely.

"I love you too, Mizu. Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary, love."

You spend the rest of the night cuddling and talking with your loving wife knowing you had your entire lives ahead of you. You knew whatever happened, she would be yours and you would be hers.

(A/N: Dedicated to the lovely @emiliabby!! Tysm for tagging me in that idea post <33)

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

I Can't Say Part 1

Summary: Eddie thinks Reader is cheating on him and breaks up with her. He doesn't believe her when she says she has a good reason for acting how she has because she says she can't tell him.

TW/CW: Eddie Diaz x Reader, Insinuation of Suicidal Ideation, Break Up, Cheating Accusation

Requested?: No   

Word Count: 3,995

A/N: Mmmmm I wanted to write break up imagine and had a short simple idea but that turned into what is now sitting at 7,823 words total. Here's the first half while I work on finishing the rest. At this point, I think I should just starting Character x OCs because I put way too much thought and detail into my "Reader" lmao. Ms. Ma'am has an entire background in my head... I also feel like I should start writing a novel or screen scripts because I love writing long works like this. Anyways, hope you enjoy the read! Love to all! Requests are Open!

[ A/N: the amount of space this man takes up in my brain rent free is getting to be ridiculous... ]

--- Your POV --- 

"I think we should break up," Eddie says, refusing to even look at me. Stun locked and silent, I can't believe the words that just came out of my boyfriend's mouth... 

"W-what? Why?" I ask, feeling very confused. 

He gets up from his seat on the couch beside me and starts pacing as he runs his fingers through his hair, "(Y/N), do you think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been distancing yourself? Or how about all the times you've been much later than you should for just making a quick stop on your way to my place?" 

"Eddie I-" he puts his hand up to interrupt me. 

"There's also the phone calls and text messages all throughout the day that you always take in private," he pauses, seemingly hesitant to continue. "The other night when you were an hour late, I looked your number up on Find My. You were out in the hills, (Y/N). No where near the route from your place to mine." 

It dawns on me, "You think I'm cheating on you?" 

He stops pacing with his back turned to me. I watch him rub his face before answering, "Yes, (Y/N). What else am I supposed to think?" 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe that I have a good reason for all that stuff?" I answer, quite hurt that he’d think so little of me. 

He whips around to look at me and I can see the tears in his eyes, "Oh yeah? Like what?" 

I look down at my lap, fidgeting with the friendship bracelet Chris had given me not too long ago. It's quiet for a few moments as I weigh my options before whispering, "I can't tell you..." 

"What happened to always communicating, huh? What happened to never lying to each other, (Y/N)?" he asks, his voice getting a small bit louder as he throws his hands in the air. Unfortunately, the motion makes me flinch, a reaction I never thought I'd have to Eddie. 

I bury my face in my hands for a few seconds, taking deep breaths, "I promise, Eddie. If I could tell you I would." 

His voice is quiet now and he sounds hurt, "What happened to the promises that we made?" 

I clench my jaw, attempting to keep myself from saying something I shouldn't. I hear him cross the living room and leave, slamming the door shut behind him. I stay seated on the couch for what feels like forever, attempting to wrap my head around what just happened. I should've just told him what's going on but I promised Talia I wouldn't breathe a word of it to anyone.  

Talia is a good friend of mine, more like a little sister, that I worked with at the 127 before being transferred to the 118. Several weeks ago, she called me, in the middle of the night, sobbing and gasping for breath. She begged me to come over. When I got there, I found her curled up in a ball on her living room floor, still sobbing profusely, and she only cried more when she saw me. Hours later, when I finally got her to calm down enough to speak, she explained that she was scared to be alone because she knew her head was in a dark place but I had to promise her that I wouldn't tell a single soul. So, I did. I stayed the night with her and made sure she knew to call me if she needed to before leaving for work the next morning. 

I'll admit, I have been distancing myself from everyone. I've been scared that I'd let slip what was going on with Talia. I'd made several stops to check on her on my way to Eddie's or home from work. I had contemplated just moving in with her at one point. Talia has been calling and texting throughout the day lately. Sometimes, because she needs support and sometimes just to let me know she was okay. She's gotten a lot better since she called me that first night, so much so that she agreed to see a therapist and has her first appointment in a couple of days. My train of thought derails off into other subjects like wondering why Eddie didn't trust me, wondering what it would be like moving forward, and plenty more.  

--- Third Person POV --- 

Knowing he needed to talk to someone, Eddie found himself pulling into Buck and Tommy's driveway. He sat there for a good bit before forcing himself out of the truck and up their front steps. Minutes after he rings the doorbell, Tommy answers looking very tired and quite disheveled. He immediately knows something is wrong due to the tears still running down Eddie's face and motions him inside. 

As Eddie steps across the threshold, Buck rounds the corner into the living room rubbing his eyes and yawning, "Babe? Who is it?" 

Tommy makes his way over to the coffee pot and starts a brew as he answers, "It's Eddie, Honey." 

Buck snaps his head toward his best friend, "What happened? Is Chris okay?" All Eddie can do is nod as Buck places a hand on his shoulder and directs him to the couch, "What's going on, man? Is it (Y/N)? Is she okay?" 

As the two sit down, Eddie drops his head into his hands and whispers, "I don't know." Buck and Tommy share a look over the back of the couch. Tommy holds his finger up, telling him to give Eddie a minute. The house falls quiet aside from the trickling and gurgling of the coffee pot. Buck does his best to wait patiently, glancing every few seconds at Tommy who still leans against the counter but now with hawk eyes on Eddie. Buck knows (Y/N) is like a little sister to Tommy and silently begs him not to get angry. 

Soon, the coffee is done and Tommy pours three mugs before joining Buck and Eddie on the couch, handing a mug to Buck, placing Eddie's on the coffee table in front of him, and taking a sip from his own. Buck carefully takes a sip as Tommy clears his throat, "Alright, say something." 

Eddie wipes the tears from his lashes, picks up the mug, and takes a deep breath, "I broke up with her," he stares down at the coffee warming his hands for a moment before taking a sip. 

Buck's jaw nearly hits his lap and Tommy grits his teeth. Never in a million years did they see this coming. Buck was pretty sure he'd soon be helping Eddie find a ring that (Y/N) would like and planning a bachelor party. Tommy was fully prepared to walk her down the aisle one day like she'd asked him to and thought for sure Eddie would be the one standing at the end of it waiting to put a wedding band on her finger. Hell, the entire 118, their friends and family, as well as some of the guys down at the 127 had bets going on when the lovebirds would get engaged. 

Catching sight of the pleading look in Buck's eyes, Tommy shoves his anger aside, although his tone still comes out a little harsh, "Why?" 

Eddie clenches his jaw and attempts to keep his tears at bay, "She's been distancing herself from me and taking weird calls and texts in private. She's even been lying to me about where she's going. I caught her in the hills on Find My a few nights ago when she was supposed to be on her way to my house with a quick stop at the gas station." 

"You can't seriously think she's cheating on you?" Buck insists. 

"What else could it be?" Eddie challenges, now looking his friend in the face. 

"I- I don't know but (Y/N) would never-" Buck is cut off as Eddie sets his coffee back down & stands up to pace. 

Tommy is deep in thought when Buck looks to him for assistance. He remembers (Y/N) having a friend who lives out that way. He can't for the life of him remember who but he knows he accompanied her to a birthday party there not long before she transferred. Buck leans forward and nudges his leg, shaking him out of his thoughts, and points at Eddie who looks like he's going to pave a flat spot into their carpet. 

"What did she say?" Tommy asks, desperately needing to figure out why his friend would be acting so weird and clinging to all hope that it's not what Eddie thinks. 

"She said she had a good reason for that stuff but couldn't tell me what it was," Eddie spits out. Buck and Tommy both are shocked at how quickly his tone has become angry. Buck gets up, aiming to convince Eddie to sit back down but is interrupted when Eddie flings his arms out, "We promised each other we would always communicate and never lie to each other. Hell, we pinky promised and you guys know how seriously she takes those! Why?!" he pauses, "Why wouldn't she just tell me what's going on instead of making up some excuse that she can't even say?" 

Tommy has had enough, "Sit back down and lower your voice." He knows Eddie is just angry because he's hurt but he won't let him be angry at her.  

Eddie is taken aback, "W-what?" 

"You heard me," Tommy stares him down, daring him to refuse. Buck thinks he's going to have to snap them out of it because of how long they stay staring at each other but finally Eddie gives and sits back down, dropping his head into his hands once again. "Where exactly was she?" Tommy asks, searching for any clues to what's really happening. Buck is also racking his brain but a small part of him fears that Eddie may be right.  

Without looking up, Eddie pulls his phone out of his pocket and holds it toward Tommy, "I took a screenshot." Tommy's heart hurts when he opens the phone and sees the wallpaper of Eddie, (Y/N), & Chris all smiling brightly. He types in the pin number, Christopher's birthday, and navigates to the photos app. The most recent photo is, as expected, a screenshot of the Find My map. He zooms in as far as he can before pulling his own phone out and bringing up Google Maps. He types in the street name of the location pictured in the screenshot and hits search. Using street view, he attempts to jog his memory but has no such luck. Feeling defeated, he hands Eddie's phone back to him. Noticing Buck hoping for an answer, Tommy shakes his head.  

Abruptly, Eddie stands, "I'm going home. Thanks for the coffee." 

Buck stands with him, "A-are you sure? You can stay the night if you need to." Eddie shakes his head and leaves.  

Buck looks to Tommy, hopefully, as the door shuts behind their friend, "Please tell me she's not-" 

Tommy takes a deep breath, "I don't know, Evan. That's not like her at all but I also don't know exactly why she'd be way out there." 

Buck's features drop into sadness as he looks back toward the door, "What do we do?" 

Tommy pulls him into a hug and rubs his back, "I don't know... I'll try to talk to her in a couple days if they don't fix it themselves. Maybe she'll tell me what's going on." Buck nods into his chest before Tommy gently tugs him back to the bedroom. 

--- Your POV --- 

The next morning, I wake up curled into a ball on the couch. With a full bladder and a crick my neck, I begrudgingly shuffle to the bathroom. As I pass the mirror, the sight of mascara smudged across my cheeks shatters all hope that I had about last night just being a terrible dream. Fresh tears roll across the mascara as I empty my bladder. 

Exiting the bathroom, I head to my bedroom to collect some blankets and pillows before returning to the couch and creating a little nest. I plop down and open my phone to discover several missed calls and texts from Tommy and Buck. I put it on "Do Not Disturb" and then tap on the Doordash app. I order a bunch of junk food and once the order is confirmed I start trying to find something to watch on tv, fidgeting with the friendship bracelet out of habit. 

I could call Tommy and Buck to talk about what happened but I'm sure the reason they've called so much is because they already know. I honestly just want to lock myself up inside my house until I finally wake up from this nightmare. Maybe I'll talk to them in a few days but right now I have two days off work and I intend to spend them drowning my sorrows in ice cream. 

After God knows how many pints of Doordashed ice cream, hours of comfort movies, and plenty of napping, I wake up on the couch once again as my alarm blares from the coffee table. I silence the noise and roll off the couch, landing on my stomach with a thump. I take a few deep breaths, willing the tears to dry up, before dragging myself off the floor and stumbling to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. 

With the water running down my now clean body, I am once again reminded of reality. I have to go to work today where I will undoubtedly see Eddie. I have to pretend I'm okay or even though I feel like crumbling to pieces so my friends don’t worry about me too much. Eddie is my everything. When I asked Tommy to walk me down the aisle after my dad passed a few months ago, I fully envisioned Eddie standing at the other end waiting to say, "I do." I don't how I've survived the past couple days without him when I usually can't even go 10 minutes without talking to him. Hearing the doorbell, I force myself to turn the water off, get dressed, and slap a smile on my face. Talia asked me to take her to therapy this morning so I know that's who is at the door. 

A few moments later, I open the front door, "Sorry, I was in the shower. Give me a couple minutes and we can go." Talia nods so I grab my phone, keys, and go bag from the kitchen where I had left them the night before. As we get in my car, I shake my head, "I don't know why you wouldn't just let me pick you up. It would've saved you the uber here." 

She shrugs, "You've driven to my house so many times in the past few weeks so I figured I owe you one." 

As I crank the car, I give her a pointed look, "Talia, you don't owe me anything." 

She sighs, "You keep saying that but I don't believe it." I simply shake my head, knowing exactly where she's coming from and head toward her therapy office. A short drive later, I stop on the curb to let her out.  

She stares out the window for a few moments so I gently rub her shoulder, "You've got this, Tal. I know you do." 

She takes a deep breath and opens the car door to get out. Before shutting it, she ducks her head back into the car, "Thank you again, (Y/N)." 

I smile at her, "Anytime, kid. Now go before you're late." She mirrors my smile before shutting the door. I watch to make sure she makes it inside before pulling away from the curb and heading to work. I tell myself that I'll try to talk to Eddie today and remind myself that things are going to be okay. 

When I arrive at the station, Buck rushes over to me, "(Y/N)! A-are you okay? Eddie told us what happened." 

I do my best to offer him a reassuring smile and pat his shoulder, "I'll be okay eventually, Buck." He tilts his head and I can tell he's trying to decipher my facial expressions or maybe read my mind. 

As I head toward the locker rooms to get changed into my uniform, he is right behind me, "I don't believe you did it. I know there's something else going on." Unsure how to respond I stay quiet but when we reach the locker room door, he gently grabs my wrist, "(Y/N)... whatever you need, I'm here, Tommy too." I nod and again attempt to smile but just on the other side of the door, I can hear Eddie talking. Buck hears it too but only nods and heads upstairs. 

--- Third Person POV --- 

When (Y/N) slowly opens the door, Eddie is on the phone, "Tia, I promise we will visit soon." 

On the other end of the line, Tia Pepa is doubtful, "How soon is soon, Edmundo?" 

"I-I don't know," he admits as he notices that (Y/N) has entered the room. 

"Dios mio, sobrino," she sighs, "Well, will you please bring (Y/N) with you? I've heard so much about her from Christopher and would love to meet her," Tia asks, clueless to recent events. Eddie hasn't even figured out how to tell Chris yet, let alone the rest of his family who have been dying to meet the woman he just broke up with. 

"I'll have to ask her," he watches her make her way to her locker quietly, never making eye contact. 

"You better. Tell her I'll make some Tres Leches just for her," Chris has told Tia many times that (Y/N) absolutely needs to try real Tres Leches since she's obsessed with the kind you can buy at the grocery store. 

"Okay, I will," Eddie knows he's lying to her but he can't stomach the thought of having that conversation right now, nor does he have the time.  

"Te quiero mucho, Edmundo. Cuídate," Tia says, knowing he probably needs to go soon.  

"Te quiero mucho, tu tambien," as he hangs up, (Y/N) is silently staring into her locker as she changes into her uniform. Eddie desperately wants to run over to her, wraps his arms around her, and never let go. However, the ache in his heart holds him back. So instead, he stands and makes his way to the door. 

As soon as he opens it, she finally speaks, "Eddie..." He pauses briefly but without looking back, exits the room, and lets the door shut behind him. 

Over the next few days, (Y/N) does her damndest to get Eddie to talk to her. Every time, without fail, he ignores her. She doesn't notice him watching her from across the room or keeping an eye on her in the truck. He pretends he doesn't notice her staring at him with eyes full of sorrow every chance she gets. Buck does everything he can think of to make them talk but still no luck. Even Bobby, Hen, and Chimney have their own chats with both of them and come up fruitless. No one can get her to explain her actions and Eddie won’t even talk about it. 

About four days pass before Tommy has a chance to sit down with (Y/N) to talk. He stops by early for lunch at the 118 and finds her taking out her frustrations on an innocent punching bag. He catches the bag after it takes a particularly gnarly hit from her, "We need to talk." 

She looks down at her feet and drops her fighting stance. The two make their way over to a bench and sit in silence for a few moments. They both notice Eddie helping stock the ambulance across the bay. She takes a deep breath, fidgeting with her bracelet, "At this point, I'd settle for him yelling, screaming, and throwing every curse word in the book at me. At least then he'd be speaking to me." 

He pats her knee gently, "I know." She says nothing else so he declares, "I also know you wouldn't cheat on him so what's really going on?" 

She looks up at him with tears threatening to spill and regret heavy in her eyes, "I-I can't talk about it." 

It stings but he accepts it, "But it is a good reason?" 

She nods and looks back toward Eddie, "Yeah... I just wish he would believe that." 

He sighs, "I do too." He thinks for few moments before asking, "Do you remember that birthday party we went to right before you transferred here?" 

She knits her brows together, "Mmmm no, no birthday party. There was mine and Talia's going away party though." 

Tommy mentally face palms, why didn't he think of Talia? On a hunch, "Oh yeah, Talia. How's she doing these days?" he asks as nonchalantly as he can. 

She hesitates, doing her best to control her features so that Tommy doesn't catch on, "She's alright. Still hanging in there." 

He puts two and two together despite her efforts to prevent him from doing so but before either of them can say another word, Bobby is calling everyone up for lunch. The two make their way towards the stairs and as luck would have it, whether good or bad (Y/N) isn't sure, they arrive at the bottom of the stairs at the same time as Eddie and Chimney. A sort of tense standoff ensues, (Y/N) isn't sure if she should go and Eddie is fighting with his instinct to let her go first like he always does.  

Finally, Chimney gets tired of it, "Alright, love birds. Let's get up there and get a few bites in before the bell goes off." He steps between Eddie and (Y/N), who make eye contact when he does, and runs up the steps. Tommy follows his lead, stepping around (Y/N) to meet Buck at the top, who he promptly drags away to explain his latest epiphany. Eddie finally snaps out of it and motions for her to go. She drops her gaze to the steps and takes them up. 

Later that day, when everyone is getting ready to go home, Eddie and (Y/N) cross paths in the locker room again. The tension is thick and the silence is loud as they change into their street clothes. Both of them are internally screaming at themselves to say something and finally (Y/N) does, once again right as he's about to leave, door already open, "Eddie, please." His eyes are locked on the floor and his hand grips the strap of his go bag a little too tight. She takes a step toward him and shockingly he doesn't move.  

"Please, just look at me, breathe in my direction, hell scream at me until your voice gives out. Just give me something to show that you acknowledge my existence," she begs. The only movement he makes is a spasm in his shoulder muscle. 

As he finally shoves himself toward the door, she desperately tries again, "Baby, I miss you. This is killing me because god damn it, I love you." 

He pauses, "You don't get to call me that anymore," before exiting the room.  

From upstairs, Bobby, Buck, and Tommy watch Eddie leave as (Y/N) drops to sit on a bench. They all heard what was said. Buck looks between Bobby and Tommy before stating, “I swear I am this close to borrowing Athena’s hand cuffs, attaching them together, and locking them in a closet.” Tommy and Bobby both hum in agreement as they watch (Y/N) grab her go bag and exit the building. That evening, she does nothing but crash on the couch when she gets home. Having taken a shower at the station and knowing her alarm is already set for tomorrow, she curls up in a ball and drifts into a dreamless sleep. 

Part 2

More 911

Main Masterlist

[ilys00ga]

Exes to lovers hurt/comfort with Yoongi? Oc is going through a really hard time and one minor inconvenience sets her up to break down and yoongi finds her and they seek solace to each other because no one listens like Yoongi does. Just a moment of oc burrowing her head on his shoulder in silence and boom. Happy ending.

I GO BACK TO YOU, EVERYTIME !

pairing: yoongi x female reader.

genre: hurt/comfort, exes to lovers, post breakup, some bitter sweetness and fluff as well, yoongi is very sweet, they still love each other hahaha.

warnings: none, I think. oh some mentions of cheating. lots of crying lolol.

A/N: hello, I am SORRY for the late upload of this. I keep losing track of writing and posting 😫 but thank u sm for this <3 I hope you like it, I wasn't sure how and what to write tbh but that's what I could come up with...

I tried using "she/her" pronouns instead of "you" for some change, I hope that's fine with u!

I have one more request to make, and it'll probably be posted after a week or something:') but yeah, thanks to everyone who sent me reqs. this was so fun. remember, u can send more they are currently open! (my exams are in like one week or so lmfao)

PS. English is not my first language, so u know the drill.

the tip of yoongi's ears began to ache, and his eyes felt so heavy after several hours of sitting in front of his computer screen, wearing the same set of headphones on his head.

he rubbed his tired face with his palms and threw his head back with a loud groan. he was exhausted. this specific project he was working on consumed him the most this month.

just as he was about to resume his work, the door to his studio rang, and he huffed. the grumpy man up with slumped shoulders and a scowl ready to stare daggers at whoever decided it was just the perfect timing to interrupt his misery.

"....yoongi..." a whimper of his name made his head snap up and face the woman standing right in front of him. his eyes widened as he saw her flushed face twisted with tears running down her cheeks. visibly fresh stains of coffee covered her attire, and her hands were shaking.

swallowing, he didn't utter a word, standing there as he felt his heart pumping cold blood through his wide chest and into his entire body. it's been nearly two years since he'd last spoken to her after the messed up break-up they had.

"yoongi.." a sob shook the woman's shoulders this time as she crouched down, crying and shrinking into her own self right in front of him.

if you'd travel back two years and more ago in time, you'd see yoongi wasting no time in wrapping his arms around her body, but that sweet privilege he once had is long since gone. the she and he that once made this very beautiful thing is long since gone. she were no longer "her" and he was no longer "him". it was hard to decide whether to say "thankfully" or "unfortunately" each time yoongi recalled that gut-wrenching fact.

instead, he quickly kneeled in front of her, hesitating and contemplating before finally settling on just gently putting one of his trembling hands on her shoulder as he wasted no time in asking: "___ what's wrong? are you hurt?"

as if it was embarrassed of her commitment to silence, her head moved on its own will in a light shake of "no."

"what happened?" he repeated in a much calmer voice.

"he- he ch-cheated on m-... again- he-" her body rocked, dancing along with each sob as she struggled to speak. and when he realised that he won'tve getting a proper answer, yoongi silently–and very delicately, as though she would break if he tugged any harder on her skin–grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the studio.

after closing the door and making her sit on the couch, he asked one more time, "what happened?"

his voice never lost that soft tone, she noted, and gulped down the lump that was stuck in her throat, and after some time stuttered with a shaky voice, "I'm so sorry to bother you. i just had such a bad day, and I kind of panicked so hard and ran up here."

"what about this," he pointed at her stained clothes and frowned, "and what did you say about cheating again?"

sniffling, she sighed and rested her hair against the back of the sofa, "found out that Jaehun cheated on me multiple times, and I had a coffee accident. I didn't know where to go, so..."

yoongi stared at her silently, part of him was relieved nothing that bad had occurred to her, the other, the slightly selfish one, had the corners of its lips twitching upwards when he heard that the man he's been dreading for the past few months turned put to be a complete asshole. it was embarrassing, yes, that's why he can never admit that he's still stuck on her, that he felt as though he'd lost a chunk of himself when he knew that she was with somebody new. but he also can't complain, not after everything that happened, not after breaking it apart.

"I'm sorry you always end up with assholes." was all he said.

and a simple "by the way, it's fine, you've always been welcome here" from him was all it took to break her shell. all the self restraint she'd been pulling, all the walls she'd been shielding herself with, it all went flat to the ground, and this time her vision blurred up with hot tears, easily spilling and racing down her cheeks in a matter of seconds. finally giving up the strings she'd been clutching on for dear life.

yoongi was caught off guard, but not surprised. he pursed his lips as he extended his arm to wrap it around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him and burying her face right where it belongs, his neck.

that terribly reminded him of all the sleepless nights after heavy, long days at work they spent cuddled up so close to each other. her crying as she spilled her heart's content to him, and him listening as he rubbed on her back and kissed her head.

seeing her again, one hair away from him after long months of distance and silent, guilty glances whenever they ran into each other in the building they both worked at, was the cherry on top that poisoned cake.

he tightly hugged her, whispering sweet nothings into her hair as he buried his nose into it. he used to like doing that, feeling the tickling of her strands on his nose and the scent he sipped on like a mad man.

after a long moment, her sobs thinned into hiccups, then soft sniffles, and she dried her face up with the long sleeves of her cardigan.

"feeling better?" why is his voice always so damn soft?

she nodded with a tiny hum, slowly raising her body to pull out of the hug.

when she glanced at him, oh boy, when she did glance at him, she was met with those pair of cat eyes, all wide with pure concern. so intense that she quickly averted hers as heat spread through her face and neck.

"I'm fine.." she whispered with a voice hoarse from all the crying.

"you reek of coffee." yoongi joked in an attempt to brighten the mood, smiling as he offered her a package of wet wipes.

"thanks." the woman's lips slowly pushed into a small pout, and she muttered, "I'm sorry for bothering you with my crying."

"don't worry about that, i kind of missed this anyway."

"you miss seeing me cry?" she mused.

"no, I just... it's been so long..."

neither of them said anything for a while, falling into some kind of silence. strangely, there was no awkwardness in it, just hundreds of heavily unspoken confessions and things hanging in the air, all mixed with burning yearning for one another.

"I missed you.." she whispered in a hushed tone, "I thought I would never get to talk to you again."

"i hope you're joking." he replied, "because I don't think you being serious would make it hurt any less."

"I'm sorry that we fought." she apologized.

"I'm sorry, I was an asshole too." yoongi licked his lips, a pinch of fear ached his heart all of a sudden, but he added anyway with a small voice, "do you... do you wanna meet up tomorrow? we could grab some dinner and just... talk."

"alright" she smiled.

"good. I'll call you in the morning, then. good?" yoongi felt as though his heart would jump out of his rib cage and run out of the studio from how overwhelming the whole situation was, if it weren't for her reassuring smile that made it all so much easier to handle.

"good." she replied.

"that was so easy...why didn't we do this earlier?" he covered his burning face with his hands and chuckled.

"we were just too dumb to think back then."

"yeah, we were." he nodded.

and for the first time ever since the pair cut all sorts of communication between each other, yoongi looked directly into her eyes with pure gratitude and smiled.

they ended up meeting up more often than they intended to, slowly patching up the abandoned wounds they once scarred into the body of their broken relationship.

one dinner birthed two and three more, surface-level chitchat of updates about each other's lives turned into deeper dives into the ups and downs, the wrongs and rights of everything they have shared between each other before. where everything shattered into pieces before their own eyes.

it all went slow and steady, like the first time they met a few years ago, like the very beginning of what they once had. it was scary, uncertain, and a sensitive area overall for the two, yet they were still willing to take that road again.

like a wicked witch, miscommunication casted a spell of pain, sourness, and yearning on the pair.

and now that their priorities have changed, maybe there's still a chance for them to break that spell and work it out again.

- fin..

[bloodrvvvsh]

Code Red, Code Blue. Chapter 1: Acquainted.

Synopsis: When the BAU is led to a case in Seattle, with Seattle Grace Mercy West as the focal point. And after an unfortunate incident involving two cups of hot coffee and a ruined pair of scrubs, Spencer meets a girl that changes his whole life.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Lexie Grey

Warnings: Typical CM discussions of crimes, typical Grey's discussions of gore and medical talk (very minimal, though!), meet-cute, literally one (1) offhanded "killing yourself" joke

Word count: 3.0K

Notes: My baby.. she's finally finished... Please enjoy, I spent way too long on this!

Likes are appreciated, but reblogs and comments help writers more!

Wednesday, September 29. 9:42 AM in Quantico, Virgina.

Spencer had only ever been to Seattle once.

Working in the BAU took him all over the country. Cases popped up in every corner, in every state, in every place you could possibly imagine. He had seen nearly every part of the vast landscape that was the US of A.

The last case that had led them across the country to Seattle was The Seattle Strangler, back when Gideon was still on the team. Spencer had mixed emotions about that thought. But he was a professional and he was going to do his job.

Their current case was as close as you could get to clean cut and dry in their line of work. Women in their 20s being stabbed. Pretty simplistic, right? 

The one connection each murder had, though, was that every single woman was eventually directed to Seattle Grace Mercy West. And while the hospital was a fairly major one, it was a Level 1 Trauma Center, after all, which meant a lot of patients, it was definitely raising a few alarm bells in their heads. Each woman was also eventually declared dead at that exact hospital.

It could never hurt to check every possible lead, could it?

Spencer used two fingers to rub at the sleep clinging to his eye still. He tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn as he shifted in his seat. Although he was quite used to struggles with sleep (hence his dependence on caffeine), it never truly got any better. 

“Late night?” Morgan inquired. He propped his arms on the top of Spencer’s seat, peering over the other man’s shoulder.

Spencer shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep,” he replied. He frowned softly, continuing to try and rid himself of the tiredness that stuck to his lashes before he was interrupted by another yawn.

God, he could really use some coffee right now.

He glanced down at his watch and his frown deepened. They still had at least another two hours until they would land. 

Spencer would consider himself a fairly patient man. He didn’t mind waiting, hell, he most often played the waiting game in his job as a BAU agent. But right now, sitting on that jet running on only five hours of sleep with not a drop of caffeine in sight, he was feeling just one moment away from simply losing it.

Not like it would actually happen, though. Spencer wasn’t that kind of guy. He was calm and reserved, even in the face of adversity. 

Hotch’s voice cut through Spencer’s internal monologue for the moment, snapping him back into reality. “We’re going to head to the police station first,” he began, casting a glance over each BAU member in eyesight, “After we get all the necessary facts, we’re going to head to the hospital. Sound good?” He was met with a round of nods from everyone and he nodded back.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 11:23 AM in Seattle, Washington.

Lexie needed a goddamn break.

Being a surgical resident had to be a punishment designed in one of the seven pits of hell. How dare she desire to save people's lives, right?

At least it was better than being an intern.

She loved her job, don’t get her wrong, being a surgeon was her dream. It’s just that she couldn’t remember the last time she got more than four hours of sleep a night and she was just so tired all the time. From running around constantly to several hours long surgeries to forty-eight hour shifts. 

Not to mention the constant drama and tragedy that filled the Seattle Grace Mercy West halls. You couldn’t turn a corner without hearing about someone sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend or about another MerDer breakup or another surprise pregnancy. Really, sometimes it was just ridiculous.

Lexie herself had been the victim of that good ol’ SGMW drama. She was trying to pull herself free from the clutches of it all, but it always seemed to follow them all. Like some sort of curse was placed on that very hospital.

But that was besides the point. The point was that she needed just one moment of peace, away from all the chaos of the hospital and the drama. Was that so selfish of her?

The sound of sneakers shuffling and her racing heart filled Lexie’s ears as she rushed through the halls. The occasional ‘excuse me’ slipped from her lips, trying not to crash into everyone that was in her way. 

When your attending pages 911, you don’t walk - you run.

Her feet skidded to a stop as the familiar emergency room came into view, nearly making her trip with the sudden halt. Her movements seemed almost practiced with the near mindless way she moved - triage gown, tie in the back, gloves. This wasn’t her first trauma, and it would be far from the last.

“What do we have?” Bailey’s voice cut through the millions of other noises filling the room - the rustling of fabric, the snapping of latex gloves on skin, the chatter of voices. The ER was ever far from being quiet.

“28-year-old woman stabbed fifteen times in the torso, majority in the chest,” Owen shot back. He rushed forwards when the glint of red and blue lights followed by the sirens that would follow them for the rest of their lives came into view, and the rest of them marched behind.

“God, overkill much?” Cristina muttered low to Meredith. Bailey, who heard everything always, shot a glare over her shoulder. Cristina threw her hands up in defense, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Her face fell the minute Bailey turned away and she shook her head with a quiet scoff.

The doors to the ambulance flew open and out rushed a woman on a stretcher. “BP is 158 over 92, HR is 92,” an EMT announced. Owen cursed under his breath as he took the railing of the stretcher into his hands.

“She’s hypertensive,” he announced. Quickly, other hands began to grab onto the stretcher as well, guiding the women into the hospital doors. He barked out a few names and different orders and Lexie slowly loosened her grip on the railing as her feet quit keeping pace before stopping entirely. She watched as the woman was rushed towards a trauma room, a frown falling on her lips. Trauma was never a pretty sight.

With a sigh she made her way to the receptionist desk near the ER entrance doors where a few of the other residents left behind had gathered.

“That’s the third stabbing in less than two months,” April remarked. A little frown began to form on her lips as she flipped the chart in her hand. “And they’ve all been women in their late 20s.”

She didn’t have to say it. They were all thinking it. The glances exchanged spoke a thousand words.

“You don’t think..” Meredith trailed off. She shot a look towards Cristina, then glanced back at April. The current hypothesis wasn’t looking so hot.

“It’s probably just a weird coincidence,” Lexie was quick to interject. Her words did little to quell the tense energy that filled the emergency room. “I mean, Seattle’s a big city. Plenty of crazy people doing crazy things. I’m sure they’re not related.” She waved a hand dismissively. Then she added, “It is getting close to the holidays. Don’t crime rates increase during the holiday seasons, or something?”

The pager attached to her hip beeped. She groaned, a pout appearing on her face at the sound. She unclicked it from the waistband of her scrub pants to take a glance at the numbers displayed on the screen and she sighed once more. It was Derek.

With a murmur of, “I’ve got to go,” that was met with a few dismissive waves of goodbyes from her fellow residents, she made her way towards the elevators, absolutely not ready for whatever Derek had in store for her now.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 2:17 PM in Seattle, Washington.

One thing you never want to hear in a hospital is silence. And that’s exactly Lexie had been greeted when she emerged from the imaging room, a stack of paperwork and scans ordered by Derek in hand. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something was absolutely happening and she’d be damned if she was left out of it.

It all started to make sense, though, as she made her descent down a floor of stairs and she noticed a group of her coworkers crowded behind a corner. Mentally she counted heads - Cristina, Meredith, Alex, Jackson, April.. All five of them in the same place at the same time, clearly hiding from someone (or something?), always spelled trouble.

Cautiously, she made her way towards the group. She tried to stand on her tip-toes, trying to look over their shoulders to see whatever the hell it was that was making them all stop in their tracks, but to no luck.

Finally with a huff, she decided to pipe up. “What are we looking at?” Her sudden appearance obviously spooked them, as they all nearly jumped at the sound of her voice, but they quickly relaxed when they realized it was just Lexie. She flashed a little smile that was short lived and didn’t quite reach her eyes with an utterance of ‘sorry’. 

“Them,” Meredith said. Lexie leaned to the side and she followed the finger that Meredith pointed with. Never would have Lexie guessed what would be standing before her right now.

There, talking to the Chief and Owen, was a group of people that certainly didn’t look like they belonged together. One man in particular, though, stood out among the rest - a tall man with curly brown locks and the most beautiful face Lexie had ever seen. “I heard they’re FBI agents,” Cristina cut in, knocking her out her little lovestruck daydream, and Lexie’s head snapped so quickly to look back at her, it’s a wonder it didn’t break.

“What?” Was all she could manage in response. “FBI, wh-” She shook her head, trying to clear her head from all the thoughts racing through it. “What would the FBI be doing here?” Her voice dropped low, almost to a rushed whisper.

Cristina shrugged. “Hell if I know.” Lexie frowned. And just as she opened her mouth, ready to say more, Owen gestured in the direction of their little gathering. And when the group of supposed FBI agents looked at them, they all took off, scattering away in their different directions, like roaches when you turned the lights on.

Except for Lexie. She was frozen in place, her blood running cold in her body when their hard eyes locked on her. She forced another smile, a nervous little giggle escaping her as heat washed over her cheeks in heavy waves. She raised her free hand to offer them a half-hearted greeting before pointing behind her with her thumb and then promptly spinning on her heel and hurriedly trying to escape the embarrassment that was that interaction.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 2:45 PM in Seattle, Washington.

Spencer had drank approximately four-and-a-half cups of coffee since landing in Seattle, and he was not quite satisfied yet.

Would he ever truly be satisfied with the amount of caffeine he consumed? Could anyone, really? The answer didn’t really matter. Not to him, anyways. Especially not now, when the tiredness ran bone deep and the day was nowhere near close to being finished. So, he was going to get another cup.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” he announced offhandedly as he pushed himself up from his seat. 

Morgan raised an eyebrow at the young genius as he started to make his way in the direction of the coffee machines. “Really?” Morgan said. “Another cup of coffee? Seriously, kid, you’re going to kill yourself with all that caffeine and sugar you consume.” Spencer waved a hand in response and Morgan could only shake head with a small smile falling over his lips.

“Oh, you’re getting coffee?” JJ perked up, craning her neck slightly to catch Spencer’s eye before he disappeared. “Do you think you could get me a cup, too? Please?”

Spencer nodded. “Cream and sugar?” A grin split across JJ’s face at the idea that he remembered what she liked in her coffee. Although, with Spencer, he couldn’t have possibly forgotten in the first place. “You know it!” she called out to him. “You’re the best, Spence!”

“No problem,” he called back to her as he turned the corner. 

The trek to the elevator and up to the coffee carts was not a particularly long one, but it did give Spencer enough time to get lost in his thoughts. His movements almost ran on autopilot as he got on the elevator and pressed the button with the number four painted on it.

His feet moved for him, guiding him in the direction of exactly where he wanted to be. Ideas and different theories of their current case filled his head as he walked.

All of this to say - he was not paying attention. Not one bit. Not even as he mindlessly ordered two coffees - one mocha latte with room for sugar and one black with cream and sugar. Not as he began to round the corners that he was starting to become familiar with from turning around so many times due to his near caffeine addiction.

Not even as another body rounded the same corner as him.

It wasn’t until the harsh impact came, the colliding of two people knocking hard into each other and hot coffee being dumped all over each other, that he really came back to reality.

Lexie gasped as the coffee crashed right onto her, burning through her scrubs and stinging her skin. She glanced up, wanting to look whoever just ruined her scrubs in the eye, and it was like the whole world slowed for a moment.

It was cute supposed FBI agent guy. 

Her jaw went slack, practically hitting the floor, and all she could do was stare. She almost wanted to pinch herself, check if any of this was really real, but the hot coffee burning her skin told her it was true.

“I’m so sorry,” The words fell out of Spencer’s mouth in an instant. He glanced around in search of something, anything, that could clean up the mess he just made, but he was coming up empty. “Really, I am so sorry-”

Lexie shook her head. “It’s fine-”

Spencer’s eyebrows pinched together. “I just spilled hot coffee all over you, it is not fine.” Lexie could feel her heart skip a beat.

“No, really, it- it’s fine,” she chuckled. “I have another pair of scrubs in my locker, it’s okay.” Spencer didn’t seem satisfied with that answer.

Now it was his turn to shake his head. “Can I make it up to you? You know, for.. getting you doused in coffee and ruining your scrubs.”

Lexie hesitated for a moment. While he was very cute, and seemingly very sweet, she barely knew this guy.

But something inside her told her to take her chance.

“Uh,” she bit down on her bottom lip. She waited for a beat. “Yeah,” she found herself saying, “Yeah, why don’t you buy me a coffee?” Spencer’s whole face lit up at her answer.

Could you blame him, though? Even covered in coffee, the woman before him was absolutely stunning.

“My name’s Spencer,” he finally added. “Spencer Reid. Doctor Spencer Reid, actually.’” Lexie arched a brow at him, head tilting to the side. “Doctor, huh?” she echoed. “Are you, like, new around here, or something? Did you transfer from another hospital?”

“Oh, no. I- I’m not an MD, I’m, uh.. I’m a PhD.”

Lexie slowly nodded her head. “Right,” she muttered. The smile on her face couldn’t seem to budge. “Well, I’m Lexie,” she stuck a hand out to him, “Doctor Lexie Grey, MD.” They both grinned at her words before chuckling. Spencer found himself thinking her name was beautiful. He glanced down at her outstretched hand and then so did she, and for a moment they were both just staring at her hand.

Finally, he spoke up again, “I- I don’t do handshakes,” he spit out. “The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It’s, uh- it’s actually safer to kiss.” 

Lexie nodded her head once more and let her hand fall back to her side. She ran her palm down the side of her thigh, subtly trying to wipe the gathering sweat. A part of her was tempted to ask if he wanted to kiss her, but she held off. For now.

“So, are you a germaphobe, or something? Or do you just know a lot of different facts?”

“Both, actually,” he said. “I, uh, I have an eidetic memory, so I remember everything I read. A lot about bacteria.”

“An eidetic memory?” Lexie echoed. “Really?”

Spencer nodded, a smirk worming its way onto his lips as he began to rock himself on his heels. “And an IQ of 187 and I can read 20,000 words per minute.”

“Oh, so you’re some sort of super genius, is that what this is?”

Spencer shrugged and his smile seemed to grow. “I don’t think intelligence can be defined by arbitrary measures. But for all intents and purposes, I am a genius.”

“You know, that’s really weird, because I actually have a photographic memory,” Lexie said. She tilted her head to the side again. “Does that make me a genius, too?”

Spencer chuckled. “Well, being a doctor isn’t an easy thing to achieve. Especially being a surgeon. I would imagine you have to be fairly smart to become one.”

Lexie’s own smile seemed to grow as well. “Well, Dr. PhD, why don’t you tell me a little bit more about yourself?” She nodded her head in the direction she came from before she started to walk. And Spencer found himself following behind her.

For some reason, Spencer felt like he wasn’t going to regret spilling coffee on her.

for @gghostwriter bc i don't have a taglist <3

(if you would like to be crcb taglist, let me know!!)

[idontplaytrack]

Can you do one where Regina is having a bad dad due to back pain and Janis is the only one who understands why she's in such a bad mood.

In My Bed

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George

Warnings: coarse language, fluff, chronic pain

In which Regina couldn’t take anymore of her friends’ comments and decides to ditch school, just like Janis had told her to do.

“Are you sure you want to go to school, Regina?”

“I’ve already missed a day this week. I don’t want to miss another.” Regina sighs, “Our friends are already asking me why I didn’t show up the other day. I don’t want to answer that question and I won’t be.”

“Exactly. Ignore the question— that’s not their business.” Janis huffs.

“They will bug me.” Regina snorted, “Whatever, let’s go. Let’s not be late.”

“Okay, okay.” Janis agreed reluctantly, heading to Regina’s Jeep with her. “Let me drive.”

“You?”

The brunette glares at her, “Come on, I am perfectly capable of driving.”

“We both know that’s not true.” Regina teased.

“Give me the keys.” Janis sighs, holding out her hand. The blonde looked at her, no glared at her directly. “Give me. The keys.” Janis repeated, “Don’t make me snatch them from your hands.”

“Try me.” Regina smirked, having the keys tightly in her palm. Which she quickly raised her arm and dangled from a height. Janis gave up, getting into the front passenger seat without a word.

Regina guffaws, sticking the keys into the ignition and driving off. Janis sulked, her arms crossed on her chest. “Aw, come on. I’ll be having the back pain whether or not I’m driving.” Regina softened up for a moment. Janis ignores her still.

“Fine.” Regina said, brows raised as she got annoyed for a second. Her eyes were now focused on the road, Janis was simply staring into space.

The drive to school wasn’t long, and Janis about halfway through, asks, “Are you okay?”

“I could ask you the same question, Jay.” Regina bites back a laugh. God, this girl was cute. Why are you so cute?

“I’m fine, I was just…kidding around.” Janis exhales, “How’s your back?”

“It’s making me very irritable.” Regina admits, “Gonna blow my top more than usual. Lunch will be greeeat.”

“Just ignore them.” Janis places her hand on Regina’s thigh, her thumb softly caressing her skin over the fabric of her pants.

“When has that ever worked, Janis?”

Woah. Yeah, okay, Regina was irritated, alright.

“Sorry.” Janis mutters, “Just focus on yourself, I’ll shut them the hell up.”

This wasn’t the pair’s first rodeo, per se. Regina had flare ups like this quite regularly which was unfortunate. Sometimes, well most times, Regina would be careful and be able to tell when one was going to creep up on her and start. Other times, she’d be completely fine one minute and start being in excruciating pain the next. One wrong move, and she’d very much be in bed rather than in school or anywhere.

“Wow, you’re in…sneakers?” Damian pointed out the second he saw Janis and Regina walk up to him.

“Shut it.” Regina snapped.

“Very well then.” He said back in his usual tone, which earned him a menacing glare from the blonde. Janis laughs, Damian smacks her on the arm playfully.

“Hey!” Regina and Janis both exclaimed at the same time, but in different tones.

“Don’t smack her.” Regina added on.

“Relax.” Damian teased, “She’s fine. Unlike you. Back acting up again?”

“No shit.” Regina sighs deeply, “I’m going to homeroom, bye baby.” With a kiss pressed to Janis’ cheek, she departs. Janis and Damian head to their homeroom together.

Regina and Janis were separated by classes for awhile, but had the class right before their lunch break, together. So Regina’s mood got a little bit better after a couple hours of not being able to see her girlfriend. It also helped her feel better about the mild but lingering pain in her back. They sat next to each other, and Regina found that extra comforting today— didn’t admit it though. She would never. But then came lunch, where Regina got severally pissed off by just about anything. Someone sneezed, she rolled her eyes. Some stupid squabble between two other students, Regina glares at them. The different cliques laughing amongst themselves…the noise seemed particularly loud today. Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Regina’s eyes screwed shut in pain when the random zap of pain that went up from the bottom of her spine.

The sight of everyone being in a good mood was the last straw. She knew life wasn’t fair, but was this torturous chronic pain she had to deal with for the rest of her life the fair punishment for her wrongdoings? Regina certainly didn’t think so. She stabs her fork roughly into the tray of cheese fries, “Fuck!”

It wasn’t a loud exclamation, only her table heard it.

“I can’t do this. You were right, I should’ve just stayed home, in my bed.”

“Why are you in such a bad mood?” Karen asked, she was genuinely curious if not concerned.

Regina knew what way she meant it but the tone alone was enough to frustrate her further today. She appreciated the concern, but she just couldn’t. Not today, she felt like couldn’t do anything right.

“Nope, I can’t. I’m going home. I can’t make it another four hours sitting in a desk.” Regina hid her face in her hands, speaking quietly with the intention of only Janis hearing her.

“Why can’t you just take a Tylenol and get through the day? Doesn’t it help—”

“My God, shut up Aaron.” Regina spat, “Don’t you think I would be fine right now if Tylenol helped? Don’t you think I would’ve taken that? So no, I can’t just take a Tylenol and call it a day. The pain makes me unable to walk, I can’t lie down comfortably, I can’t get enough sleep, my mood is shit, I’m snapping at people who don’t deserve it and the last thing I need is you of all people to ask why I don’t do something. You know how bad it gets, you see it. But do you acknowledge how hard it’s been to even just make it through the day. This is not a fucking joke. I’m sorry I did somethings that I’m not proud of, but sometimes I wish you guys would just stop and learn about how deeply this pain affects me in my daily life. But apparently, it’s too much to ask for because it’s been so long and so it must be all in my head, I’m being dramatic, right?”

Janis had her hand on Regina’s shoulder, “Let’s go.”

“What?” Regina takes in a careful breath, snapping out of her rant.

“Let’s go. I’m taking you home.” Janis answered.

“Okay.” Regina gave in, leaving with Janis before anyone could say anything. Janis drives them this time, Regina just…looked straight ahead trying not to focus on anything but her back.

“I’m gonna just lay in bed. You can go back to school.”

“I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Mm, okay.” Regina did not put up a fight at all, which made Janis even more worried.

“Do you want the Aleve or should I run you a bath?”

“Both.” Regina answers, groaning as she sat down on her bed.

“Alright.” Janis retrieves the bottle from the medicine cabinet and a bottle of water from the fridge for her. Then, she proceeds to run a bath, keeping in mind to have the water warmer than usual. While Janis was in the bathroom for a bit, Regina took the pill and laid down on her stomach— something she’d do to try and alleviate the pressure her back had.

After getting Regina into the bath, Janis hung around in the bedroom to wait. And just in case she needed any help. “G? You good in there?”

“…yup. Little sleepy though. Can you come in here?”

“Okay.”

Janis sat down on the floor by the tub, Regina had folded her arms on the side of it, resting her chin there. “What do you need?”

“Nothing.” Regina smiled slightly, “Just wanted you here with me.”

“Oh.” Janis relaxed and smiled back, “Okay.”

“Thanks, baby.” Regina sleepily reached forward to hold onto Janis’ hand, giving it a squeeze, “I appreciate it, really.”

Janis squeezes the blonde’s hand in return, “I hope this flare up goes away soon. But in the meantime, I’ll be right here, G. Whatever you need, I’ll help you with it.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N:

Thanks for your request and for waiting!🫶🏼 Hope you enjoyed this little drabble, anon.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for leaving paper notes in my neighbors mailbox asking them to quiet their loud dog?

First things first I (24f) have extreme anxiety, I just started therapy and have taken medication in the past. Confrontations are very hard for me. I cry very easy lol.

Lately our neighbors (behind our house) have been keeping their dog outside. He is very large, I think a St Bernard, and has a bark that can cut through walls. My room faces the backyard, and gets the full blunt of his barking. Only a broken wooden fence separates our yards. Nothing can be done about this.

Earlier this and last month, they have been leaving him out more, and he doesn't seem to like it. He'll bark at their back door endlessly until they let him in. His bad spews go from 30 minutes of barking to almost over an hour at times, sometimes several times a day, usually midday right when I'm home from work, and unfortunately at night, around 9:30pm.

(He does not bark inside much, he is so loud I can hear him from inside their house with my window closed, but he is usually quiet inside.)

Its gotten so bad if he barks once, I get anxious right away and tend to shut down, the sound has become a "trigger" of sorts for my anxiety. Mostly due to the unknown factor of how long he'll bark...

I was terrified to introduce myself to them, so at the support of my friends, I left a very VERY kind note in their mailbox, asking if they could shorten how long he barks. (Note almost sounded like I was a pushover lol, I didn't wanna be a Karen...but 30min to an hour is excessive for sound...)

After the first note, I do think the times he went on long barking spiels shortened, but it wasn't totally gone, as on and off he'd go off again for long periods of time. About a week or so later, I left another note thanking them for understanding, but also subtly saying he's still barking a lot...

It was then great for almost two weeks! Hardly barked at all! But last week he started up again, nearly 2 hours total straight on Saturday, over 40 min on Sunday...

I am thinking of leaving a final note with a contact email to try and talk...

But I'm scared I was TA for leaving notes at all, I have no idea what kind of people they are, or if the notes annoyed them or not...I don't want enemies and my parents know nothing about this, as they don't think its a problem. But it is illegal here to have a barking dog for that long, I checked...AITA for leaving these notes?

I can handle small amounts of barking from him! I know dogs gotta dog, but for 30min to over an hour, to maybe even 2+ hours a day...its too much to handle...and trust me when I say, he's loud...

I may still leave my email for them to try and talk, but I've been so worried what I have been doing was wrong...gotta love anxiety huh?

What are these acronyms?

[prettyplumpkitty]

Been feeling in total crisis lately.

Everything is bothering me or feeling wrong.

I have just come off a gnarly period (menstruation) at the same time that one of my twins is undergoing a bit of a health ordeal.

I am bumpy with my meds (both diabetic AND bipolar meds) but have been trying to be consistent for the last week or two.

I am feeling upset with mister almost constantly. Everything he does (or rather DOESNT) do upsets me. I have tried several conversations with him that go nowhere.

Work is going well in that I am kicking ass with my promotion and the role I was promoted to. Unfortunately, there is no one to cover the position I left behind so instead of only working one day in that role, I am having to perform dual (sometimes triple) duties when I am there. Throughout this health ordeal with my son, I have had to go in office at least three days this past week while mister has either taken PTO or worked from home. In spite of this, I still feel like I’m doing the majority of things…running errands, grocery shopping, getting other kids off to school…I mean I could list shit for a half an hour.

I feel all alone and I feel guilty for feeling frustrated.

I almost feel like I’m having a midlife crisis, for lack of a better phrase. Everything just seems wrong.

[artiststarme]

Dying? Let's Ignore It

Prompt by @zerokrox-blog with a little sprinkle from @doubleb11. Thanks for the ideas, I appreciate it! I hope you guys like it and please share your thoughts in the comments.

~*~*~*~

Steve wakes up one day feeling awful. His head aches like it does when a migraine is coming on and his throat burns like he swallowed charcoal. Nevertheless, he had to get to work. He had three days of doubles scheduled due to Robin visiting her sick grandmother out of town and Keith being on vacation down in Florida. No one could work but him so he couldn’t call off. Plus, he’d been looking forward to the overtime pay. 

He was on the knife’s edge of being kicked out by his parents and he needed to have enough cash to secure an apartment as soon as possible. They were scheduled to be home in a few weeks and Steve wanted to be gone by the time they were. Did he tell any of the Party this? Of course not, he was an adult who could take care of himself. No one had looked after him before and they weren’t going to start now. 

So, he dragged himself out of bed and made sure to grab a pair of his infamous sunglasses on his way out the door. Steve knew they made him look douchey, the kids had said so enough times for him to get the point, but every light was too bright for his pounding headache to handle. 

Even with the sunglasses and cough medicine, he didn’t feel any better throughout the day as he dealt with nagging customers and annoying kids. Steve was over the customer service and truly wanted to quit around the halfway mark of his shift. Mike and Lucas came in at one point to heckle Steve into renting them a rated-R movie and after that exchange, he was ever closer to quitting his job. Only a couple of days left though, he could make it. 

When he got home, he chugged two bottles of water in an effort to “drown the sickness” and settled into bed for what he expected was going to be a restless night. He tossed and turned all night blowing his nose, hacking up his lungs, and feeling crummy in general. Around 2 AM, he felt like he was going to die but he still had two doubles to go and he was going to get that overtime check if it was the last thing he did. 

He must’ve only gotten a few hours of sleep because the next day of work felt like torture and he would know. Even the Russians were more merciful than whatever illness he had. His head was still pounding, his muscles ached, and it hurt to expand his chest to breathe. He only made it through the work day because customers weren’t coming in and he was able to take a nap. Unfortunately for him, his nap became a sleepover at Family Video because he woke up at 4:30 AM and decided to stay there for his shift instead of potentially crashing on the way home. He would just be early to his next shift. 

He didn’t take a shower or anything the next morning, just flipped the open sign and turned on the too bright lights. Several customers that day asked him if he was okay and if he needed a ride to the hospital. Steve declined every offer and pasted on a shaky smile. He didn’t have time to go to the hospital just to be admitted and lose the overtime money. He briefly considered calling Eddie for a ride to the hospital after close but it was kind of late and he was pretty sure he was Eddie’s least favorite member of the group. And like hell was he going to call Nancy for a ride. He would rather die than beg his ex-girlfriend to drive him to the hospital. 

With a deep stuttering breath, he climbed into the car and took off for the hospital. On his way there, his hands trembled where he gripped the steering wheel of the Beemer and sweat formed droplets on his forehead. For the last several days, he’s tried to ignore his symptoms beyond chugging cough syrup by the bottle in order to complete his shifts. His body was ensuring that he couldn’t ignore it anymore with the way his chest flamed and his head threatened to explode. 

The nurses quickly swarmed him the moment he stepped through the ER doors, a true testament to how shitty he was sure he looked. They didn’t even ask him any questions, just pushed him onto a gurney and pressed an oxygen mask to his face. The feeling of safety allowed him to close his eyes and rest even despite everyone yelling at him to wake up. They could wait just a minute while he rested his eyes… 

When he opened his eyes, he was lying in a hospital bed. He was alone as always, without family to come visit him and not important enough to his friends for them to care. Steve let out a sigh as he laid back against the pillows. He doesn’t know why he expected any different because the situation was always the same. 

Steve was well within his own self-loathing when the door to his hospital room burst open to reveal a frantic Eddie and a panting Wayne. Their faces were an eerie mixture of too pale and flushed red from exertion. Immediately upon seeing Steve awake, both men sagged in relief.

“What the fuck, Steve? Dude, the nurses made it seem like you were dying. They said that you’d been having symptoms for the past few days and ignored them which made them get a lot worse. You have pneumonia, man. There’s fluid in both of your lungs and if you waited any longer, your lung would’ve collapsed. Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Eddie asked him, his hands were still shaking slightly even as he pulled them through the knots in his unruly hair. 

Steve couldn’t even wrap his head around them being here, much less come up with an answer to his question. “Why are you here?”

Eddie looked vaguely offended at his question and opened his mouth but was interrupted by Wayne. “You put me down as yer emergency contact, kid. We were real worried when we got the call.”

“Yeah, we were worried but I’m also furious. Where have you been the past few days? You could’ve called me and I would’ve come over to take care of you or give you a ride to the doctor. What the fuck were you thinking, Steven?” Eddie asked him belligerently while waving his hands around as if to spread his anger. 

“I’m always alone when I’m sick and it's not like anyone would have cared,” Steve murmured,  too tired to give the argument his all. 

“You fucking dumbass,” Eddie called him before being cuffed in the back of the head with a slap from Wayne. “Ow shit, I’m sorry. Of course we care, you fucker! You know how scared I was when we got the call from the hospital? We must’ve broken every speed limit around so we could be here with you a little sooner.”

Wayne sighed but supported his nephew’s explanation, albeit more gently. “Harrington, people care about you and hiding out when you’re sick ain’t helping no one.”

“Okay to be fair, I wasn’t hiding. I’ve been working 14 hour shifts for the past three days trying to make some money. I was just ignoring the symptoms until I could come here without missing work, which I did.” Steve defended. 

They both gave him equally blank looks. 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard!” Dustin screamed from his position where he was eavesdropping in the doorway.

“Dustin-”

“No, Steve! We love you and if we had known you were sick, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten so bad! You should’ve told us that you were sick and you shouldn’t have ignored the symptoms just to go to work!” He yelled heatedly. 

Steve went to talk but before he could say anything, Eddie sent him a close-lipped smile and pulled Dustin out of the room. Steve was left alone with Uncle Wayne. “I’m sorry, Wayne. I didn’t-”

The older man smacked him in the arm with his hat and settled into the uncomfortable seat beside his bed. “Stop apologizing, boy. This is on us. You may be bad at realizing how loved ya are but it’s on us to make it clear to ya. Next time we’ll have to keep a closer eye on ya to make sure you’re okay. We uh, we all love ya, kid.”

To this day, Steve will say the tears that formed in his eyes were due to the oxygen cannula tickling his nose. But that night when he fell asleep, he felt a little less sick and a lot more loved.

@doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @pyrohonk @trippypancakes @straight4joekeery

(I'm writing your prompt now @nburkhardt !)

[hackerqueen]

Another Love

Chapter 1 Heartburn

warnings: this fanfiction will tackle heavy topics such as mental health and violence. there will be sex scenes.

– Fuck!

This word was often repeated every morning in my apartment. I was not an early bird, quite the opposite. I definitely preferred to fall asleep late in the evening, often in the middle of the night, to sleep until noon. Unfortunately, I was no longer a teenager, but a twenty-three-year-old woman who had to go to work every morning to pay the rent and bills. Life was often a bitch, wasn't it?

More curses spilled out of my mouth as my windshield wipers sped faster than Dan making up another shitty joke. Or a meme. His memes sucked, though I never told him that.

Duskwood was usually cloudy and rainy at this time of year. This is the second time I am convinced of this, because I moved here exactly two years ago. At times like this, I ask myself why? I could live peacefully in sunny California, sipping drinks on my balcony. But sometimes life writes its own scripts without asking you.

The pouring rain made my commute a bit more difficult, but I finally made it to the office where I was supposed to stay for another eight or nine hours. My boss threw papers at my desk, which didn't bode well. Halfway through work, I looked at my co-workers. Since I was a child, I liked to observe, analyze and draw conclusions about human behavior. So it was also now. However, the current view made me drowsy boredom. A group of people locked in a glass building, caring only if their shitty paperwork will pay the rent and pay off the mortgage. Will it allow them to go out to dinner at a restaurant at the beginning of the month, or maybe they'll get lucky and they can afford four days away at the end of the year? Corpsrats whose minds were completely closed to the world around them. I was a hypocrite judging them. Because I was absolutely the same. I also chased after money, abandoning my dreams and passions.

Deep, philosophical considerations were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Seeing the name on the screen, I smiled slightly, despite my obvious tiredness. I picked up right away.

– Hello, hello. - greeted a nice, almost singing voice, which finally regained this lovely note – I'm picking you up from work today.

– But..

– Without any buts. We'll be choosing decorations today, you can't be absent! Nobody I know has better taste than you. Besides, you know what Thomas is like. He'll agree with me about everything, even if I pick the worst shit.

I burst out laughing. There was no contact with Hannah for several weeks. She needed hours of therapy, shed tears, and shutting herself off from the world to recover. To understand what happened. Has she come to terms with it? Was there any reconciliation at all in this situation? No one in the group seemed to agree with it. Damn, how were they supposed to accept that their longtime friend, the man who always made them laugh, did something like that? They couldn't even talk to him. Only Jessy had this honor, but I don't know if it didn't affect her even worse. I was just a shadow. A hiding shadow that listened to their conversation.

– Okay, you convinced me. Be there at 4pm – I told her shortly and said goodbye. Maybe this day won't be so bad after all.

* * *

– Thomas, don't interfere. – I grumbled under my breath as I flicked through the catalog with bouquets

I heard his loud protests to which Hannah reacted immediately.

– Babe, you know I love you, but I'll be carrying the bouquet, not you. Unless you want too?

The man got angry and left us alone. I suppressed the urge to comment on her rather dubious choice of husband and rolled my eyes, but a mischievous smirk must have affected my face hearing my biting thoughts.

Did that sperm really win?

I stopped quickly when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

– I can see you're not getting along, but just a little more. It will be better after marriage. Thomas is just stressed out. – she assured me and I nodded – You know, two years ago it all ended. This anniversary has such an effect on him.

I felt a shiver run down my spine. How... how come it's been two years since this nightmare ended?

– Have you forgotten? – she asked, seeing the pale expression on my face

– N-No. – I coughed at my broken tone of voice. – It's just that... it's a bit weird? That, time flies so fast and we live like two years ago?

– Can we do otherwise? I think we'd be best off living for them. – she said, then smiled sadly and squeezed my hand – Have you been at his grave?

I sighed, slowly shooking my head.

– Me neither. I'm not ready for that yet. –she confessed honestly and my heart clenched. Today was the day I had to face my past.

Getting into the car, I typed into the GPS the cemetery, which was located on the outskirts of Duskwood. Half an hour later, I was there. I gripped the steering wheel, letting out shaky breaths. I had no idea how long I sat there, but I finally moved and took out the rose I had bought on the way out of the back of the car. It was intensely red, reflecting my feelings at that moment. My mind was unconscious, my feet led me all the way to the grave. No wonder, my body knew the way by heart. I looked up at the name carved on it.

Jake Donfort

I swallowed. One candle was lit, illuminating this late evening. So Lilly must have been here already. I crouched down and carefully placed the flower on his grave. It may have been two years, but some things haven't changed. My heart still burned as I remembered the black-haired hacker who once meant so much to me. Now my heart squeezed even tighter as I realized something else.

The memory of him was fading, a little at a time and I could feel myself forgetting.

Time passed inexorably, and my upside down life returned to normal. Two years ago, I couldn't imagine my life without him. We had a promise, right? He promised we'd meet. He promised he wouldn't let us be separated. However, his promise was burned with him in the mine fire because he never came back. Even though he said he would.

[doomandgloomfromthetomb]

The Modern Lovers - Boston Center for the Arts, Boston, Massachusetts, February 23, 1974

The end of the Original Modern Lovers? This might've been the band's final official gig — thanks to Jesse J for passing along a recently surfaced tape. Jesse calls the recording's quality "atrocious," and he's not wrong (though it's as much the fault of the venue's cavernous acoustics as it is the tape's). Whatever, atrocious quality audience recordings are what Doom & Gloom is all about, am I right? So adjust your ears and take a trip back to a bitter New England winter just about 50 years ago.

Historic/interesting stuff! The set sees the Modern Lovers attempting to bring together their older, more VU-inspired material with the quieter, more innocent songs that Jonathan Richman was writing. There are tunes that will certainly be familiar — "Roadrunner," "Government Center," "Pablo Picasso," etc. And then there are several strong songs that — as far as I know — don't appear anywhere else in the Modern Lovers' discography (officially or unofficially). And hey, it all works pretty well; in some alternate universe, the band might've been able to reconcile their two sides and finally record a proper debut LP. It was not to be, alas — soon, Jerry Harrison would head back to Harvard to get his master's degree in architecture. And today, he is renowned as one of the world's greatest architects ... right???

Of course, we have to note the truly bonkers lineup — a heretofore unknown alignment with the Velevet (sic) Underground and George Thorogood galaxies. Though if the description below is correct (though the source says the date was Valentine's Day), Moe Tucker didn't even get to play because of George. That's truly b-b-b-b-bad. But, as Jesse pointed out, Jonathan and Moe did make it into the studio a few days later to record their charming rendition of the VU's "I'm Sticking With You." Was Moe's band really called the Bloody Virgins?! Hmmm, further investigation is warranted.

An eyewitness account? Although the Modern Lovers broke up in 1973, they reformed in '74 (maybe late '73) with a different drummer but that didn't last long because the drummer hated Jonathan. They did at least one concert: Valentine's Day 1974. I was there early with Jonathan so I got to see all the sound checks for all three bands. Unfortunately, the idiot promoters let the mediocre opening band, George Thoroughlynogood and the Delaware Destroyers, play for one hour and 45 minutes. They should have had 25 minutes max. Thus, the Modern Lovers could only play one hour. And the second band couldn't play at all, which is very unfortunate, as it was Mo Tucker's excellent (and totally unknown) all-girl band the Bloody Virgins (but me and Jonathan got to watch their excellent 25-minute sound check). Seven or either years ago, an internet music forum was discussing Mo, and I talked about seeing that band. A noted music critic (and friend of Mo) was pissed off and said that Mo never had any such band and that I was a liar. Luckily, I still had the concert ad and uploaded a photo of it to the forum.

Ernie Brooks: At one of the last gigs we did, when we played “Roadrunner,” we still didn’t have a record out, but that was always a catchy song, and we actually got some applause—and then Jonathan said, “People like that song too much; I don’t think we should do it anymore….” I think it was just part of Jonathan’s natural inclination that when things seemed to be going well—to go against it. He was very contrary. He was very difficult. I mean, anybody who is on to something new has some element of being a contrarian, because they’re rejecting the status quo. They’re doing something in the way they’ve figured out how to do it—and they don’t want to hear something different, even if it could make things better. When Jonathan said, “I won’t play 'Roadrunner' anymore,” it was pretty much the classic case—you can’t really get any more contrarian than that.

[illfoandillfie]

“I’d keep quiet unless you want to get caught” with Jack if you please 🤭. Happy Birthday my Brigid 💜

ahhh ty my Lauren 💙

Gotta admit I struggled with this one a bit and ended up rewriting it entirely but I think I'm happy with it now! Apparently I am only capable of writing properly late at night tho so please excuse any mistakes, ya girl is sleeby. This is also the first time I've written Jack so hopefully I got his voice right...

warnings: P in V sex, secret relationship, hotel sex, but also work sex i guess, hand over mouth to muffle sound, fingering, references to oral (f receiving), ummmm spy shenanigans, jack do be flirty and a bit dom

“And here I was thinkin' a mission in a hotel could double as a romantic getaway.” Jack sat down in the chair behind your desk.   You didn’t mind, you were too nervous to sit, preferring to pace about in front of the desk, “You’ll have to be on your best behaviour.” A chuckle from Jack made you stop and look at him, “I’m serious Jack. Don’t you think it’s weird Agent Drambuie would be assigned to this case with us? I mean it sounded like a pretty simple intelligence mission, we’d be perfectly capable of doing it without a third.” When Jack still didn’t seem to be grasping what you were getting at you added, “What if they suspect we’re together?”  “Oh come on, sugar, I don’t think they’d care that much.”  “Jack you literally have letters, plural, warning you that fraternizing with other agents could land you in a permanent desk job.”  He waved his hand dismissively, “That was just about me flirtin’ with new recruits. Nothing to do with datin'.”   You weren’t convinced and Jack must have been able to tell because he stood up and moved around the desk to you. He grabbed your hands, his thumbs rubbing over your knuckles, "You don’t have to worry darlin’. I understand why we’re keepin' this secret.” His tone became more playful as he said, “You turned me down so many times it must be hard for you to admit you like me.”   You rolled your eyes but unfortunately Jack was very good at disarming you.   “And of course we don’t want management gettin' the wrong idea and takin' us out of fieldwork.”  “Exactly! Which is why you need to behave. That means no first names, no innuendos about being in a hotel room with me. In fact, no flirting at all.”  Jack looked aghast and dropped your hands, “C’mon darlin’ be serious. If I stopped flirtin’ with you Drambuie is gonna get mighty suspicious don’t you think? Especially with you in one of theose cute maid outfits and all. How could I possibly not comment?”  “Housekeeping uniforms are nowhere near what you’re imagining. But I take your point. Flirting is allowed. But nothing that might get us caught. If we do decide to go public I want it to be on our terms.”  “Of course sugar. I mean Agent.”  You leant up to give him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth and then rubbed away the lipstick mark.  

The next day you made your way to the hotel. Agents Drambuie and Whiskey were already there and had been for several hours, each booked into a separate room. Luckily the pair you were trying to spy on didn’t seem to suspect they’d been targeted. They’d used their real names and credit cards while booking their rooms, so you’d been handed files on both of them as you were handed the assignment and you knew exactly when they were due. Jack had headed to the hotel the previous night, just in case your targets were smarter than they seemed and would turn up early but he’d reported nothing. Drambuie had spent the morning in the café across the street, under cover as a business man powering through a presentation and staying fueled with coffee. He’d really been watching for the pair to turn up so he could follow them into the hotel and claim his own room. You were coming in last, dressed in a housekeeping uniform and entering via the staff entrance. Acting as if you belonged there you found one of the housekeeping carts and took it up to the right floor. Drambuie had confirmed the room number of the suspects and Jack had confirmed that, after leaving their bags upstairs, they’d headed down to the hotel’s restaurant. He was still their watching them. Which you knew because he was using the coms channel continuously.  “I’m very excited to see this uniform of yours sweetheart,” he drawled through your earpiece.  You let out an annoyed huff, silently swearing to get back at him just as soon as you could.  “Although,” he continued when he realised you weren’t responding, “I think my cover would be much better if you were in here with me. A man drinkin' on his own is much more noticeable than one buying for a pretty girl.”  “Keep dreaming, Agent,” you said into your mic, emphasising the title, “I wouldn’t accept a drink from you anyway.”  You heard Drambuie chuckle and prayed Jack had the sense not to take the flirting too far while you were being listened to.   “Careful sweetheart, keep turnin’ me down like this and I’ll have to send a drink to the woman at the bar instead.”  You scowled at the thought but said, “You do that. Just be quiet about it so I can focus on my job.”  Jack did quiet down after that, for the most part anyway, which you were pleased about. You were close to the room and didn’t want any distractions while you bugged the place.  

It only took a few minutes. You let yourself in, stuck the tech in corners and under benches and behind the TV. You even put one in the toilet cistern. And then you were gone, collecting your trolly of cleaning products and wheeling it off to the floor above. Drambuie let you into his room and you wheeled the trolly in to hide it so you’d have easy access when it came time to collect the bugs and leave.   “How’d it go?” he asked, helping you manoeuvre the trolly.   “Good, they’re all hidden and on.”  “Excellent.” Drambuie pulled out his laptop and began running a diagnostics but before he’d finished there was a knock at the door. You were still in uniform and couldn’t be seen in case it was actual hotel staff, so Drambuie opened the door, but it was only Jack.   “They’re still downstairs, probably will be for a while, but I couldn’t resist this party.” Catching sight of you he let out a whistle, “sweetheart you look good dressed like that.”  “Stop calling me sweetheart.”  His only response was a wink and you sighed, settling in for a long wait.   Fortunately, Jack’s behaviour wasn’t just getting to you. After he’d made sure the tech was running smoothly and after you’d had to come up with retorts to three more of Jack’s comments, Drambuie stood up and moved towards the door.   “As fun as listening to you two bicker is, I think it’s my turn to hit the bar. Anyone want to come with?”  “Thanks but I’ve got to change and all. Feel like I need a shower after this moron’s,” you jabbed your thumb at Jack, “attention,”   “Well if she’s gonna be busy I guess I should stay and keep an eye on the screen in case anythin' happens. Let me know if the blonde is still sitting on her own down there.”  Drambuie laughed as he left and Jack followed him to the door, peering out of the peephole.   “About fuckin' time,” he half muttered, striding back across the room. “What?” was all you managed to get out before he tugged you into him, his lips insistent against yours.  

“Woah, hey, what are you doing?” you asked as soon as he’d loosened his grip, a little breathless from the kiss.  “Despite what you said, you do look very sexy in that uniform. Been takin' all my willpower not to pull you onto my lap.”  You glanced down at the shapeless, starchy dress and then shook your head, before Jack could distract you any further, “What about Drambuie? What if he’s in the next room spying on us?”  “Sugar, you’re soundin’ a little paranoid there. I watched him go to the elevator.”  “But what if-” you gasped as you felt Jack’s fingers stroking along the front of your underpants. You’d not even realised his hand was under your dress and then suddenly he was teasing you through your panties, pulling a small whine from your throat as he rubbed at your clit.  “But isn’t it,” he kissed your throat just under your jaw, “kinda hot,” another kiss, “to do this in secret,” another kiss, “on a mission.” He marked the end of the sentence by nipping at your pulse point.  It was impossible to disagree. His fingers felt too good on your pussy and his lips too good on your throat. His voice was gruff with desire and every breath you took made your head swim with his scent. It was intoxicating, especially after all the work he’d put into flirting, even trying to make you jealous.   “God Jack, fuck me,”  He chuckled, “Anyway you want darlin’. But I’d keep quiet, just in case. Unless you want to be caught?”  You shakily managed to say you didn’t, trying to reach for Jack’s belt though he stopped you.  “Well can you keep quiet then?”  “Yeah.” Your agreement was undermined by the way you whimpered as Jack pushed the fabric of your panties aside and stroked your wet slit.  “Sugar, I’m not sure you can manage it. Maybe I should be on top to keep you in line.”  You nodded again, letting him manoeuvre you to the bed. He quickly removed your underwear, smiling as he pushed your legs open and caught his first glimpse of your cunt.   “Stay there,” he ordered as he undid his belt and got his cock out.   You squirmed as you watched him push his pants down just far enough, revealing first the dark curls around the base and then the full length of it.   But your eagerness was nothing to Jack’s. The uniform he’d so professed to love became an inconvenience as the skirt slipped and blocked his view, and Jack growled as he pushed the material up again.  

With one hand, Jack reached forward and covered your mouth, an act that was hot on it’s own but especially so with his other hand touching your pussy. He slid his fingers along your slit, spreading your wetness around. Circling your clit and then sliding down to play with your entrance, slipping inside a little but never far enough. And then he’d draw them away, following the line of your body down further, towards your asshole, stopping well before he reached it and slipping back the other way to torment you further. You whined with each teasing stroke, his palm keeping you muffled.   “Shame I can’t eat you out and keep you quiet at the same time. You’ll have to help me out darlin’.”  You expected him to uncover your mouth, maybe replace his hand with your panties or something similar. Instead, his palm stayed firm over your lips. It was your hand that moved as he pulled it down to your cunt, directing you to touch yourself. At first he guided you but soon enough he’d let go to relieve his own need a little, stroking himself slowly as he watched on. You traced a similar path to the one jack had made but quickly decided you needed more. Spreading yourself open with one hand, you began to finger yourself with the other, eyes glued on Jack to catch his reaction. He was as affected as you’d hoped, fighting to control his own self-pleasuring touch, his other hand tightening against your face. It soon grew to be more than he could stand and he yanked your wet fingers up to his lips, indulging himself with your taste.   “Fuck, sugar. I should gag you and have a proper feast.” He smirked at your groan, “But maybe I’ll save that for when we get home and I can tie you to my bed. Really take my time. For now I’ll let you have my cock.”  You whimpered the word please into his palm, unsure which scenario you were begging for, just desperate for something. But Jack took it as enthusiasm for his dick, notching himself at your hole and sinking into you as he pressed his lips to your chest.   You raised your hips and spread your legs as wide as was comfortable, trying to accommodate his length as he slowly worked into you. And you kept up a slew of whines and moans and other delicious sounds that Jack reluctantly kept muffled, trying to urge him to move, to go faster.  

Jack however was very conscious of just how loud you both could be. Not just your vocalisations or his, but also the sounds of skin slapping against skin as he fucked you, any creaks the bed might make, even just heavy breathing. As much as he didn’t believe Drambuie was there to spy on you, he still didn’t want you to get caught. So he held back, ignoring your attempts to beg for more without actually being able to beg. Instead of pulling almost all the way out of your cunt and driving forward hard like he wanted to do, he used more sedate thrusts but kept his cock buried deep within you, continuously rubbing against one or two very nice spots. Your attempts to make him switch his pace came to an abrupt stop and you threw your head back, arching up into his chest as you felt the full pleasure of his repetitive grinding.   “That’s my girl,” he groaned, realising he’d found the perfect angle, “gonna make you feel so good darlin’.” He made sure he didn’t lose the momentum too much, even if his hips jolted out of time because you’d tightened around his cock. Not even when he told you to rub your clit for him and had accidentally moaned himself when your fingers brushed against his base. Thankfully he’d been able to smother his moan with your lips, uncovering your mouth long enough to give you an equally deep kiss until he needed to pull away for air. He’d recovered your mouth with his hand though, feeling you clenching around him more frequently and wanting to see you cum as well as feel it.   You gasped and panted as your orgasm neared, finishing with a stifled cry of Jack’s name.   He followed you over the edge quickly, burying his face in the crook of your neck to try and suppress his own sounds of pleasure as he spilled himself between your legs.  

For a moment you both forgot where you were. You wrapped your arms around Jack as he kissed you again, trying to dull the ache as he pulled his cock from you. But even after that you were both reluctant to stop. His hand found your breast and you somehow managed to get his thigh between your legs as you rolled over, rocking your hips against it. You might even have kept going, humping him into a second found, but the sound of a door shutting heavily across the hall broke through the sense of solitude and you realised what position you were in.   “See,” he said, his cockiness dulled a little by how fucked out he looked, “I said it’d be fun.”  “Mmhmm, it was,” you agreed, happy to concede that point to him, “But you should clean up and then meet Drambuie downstairs. Double check he’s still there. I’ll stay and watch the computer.”  Jack sighed, “Alright sugar. Sorry, Agent. If it’ll make you less paranoid, I’ll check.”  “Thank you, baby.” You smiled, stealing a final kiss before you kicked Jack out of the bed, “If it turns out he’s not spying on us I’ll let you shower with me before we leave.” 

[weak4skz]

Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst, idol au

Summary: Han and y/n have been friends since before they remember. But what happens if their friendship is severed by an unfortunate situation and Han goes off to be an idol while y/n is in college. When they connect through a mutual friend, what happens then?

CHAPTER WARNINGS: self harm, suicide attempt, eating disorder, body dysmorphia, reader isn’t in the right mind, body insecurities, just a lot of feelings, insecurities in general, self consciousness (tell me if I missed anything)

NOT PROOF READ!!!

A/N: chapter 2 is finally up!! If you couldn't tell, my life has been kind of a mess lately and I've been really busy with school as well as personal matters. But thank you for sticking around and being patient <3

COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES!!!

want2besomeoneelse lixie-jisung-stan jisuperboard mentoslol i-dont-know-me-either mooncallerautumn poisonivy21

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Going home my mind was working overtime but at the same time not working at all. My body went into auto-pilot while I was absolutely mentally wrecked. My biggest priority was to drive home without dying or having a mental breakdown; so I focused for the 15 minute drive home. As soon as I was safe inside my house I allowed myself to go numb. To have millions of thoughts but at the same time have no thoughts. It was a coping mechanism I developed over the years. 

I found out I could get into this little headspace after Jisung caught me cutting myself. Since I didn’t want to be caught doing something so embarrassing; I had to find another way to cope.

And to think I thought my night couldn’t POSSIBLY get worse 

I know I told myself I had gotten past this; but I really needed to feel something. So I went to the bathroom and picked up my blade and started cutting.

 It’s not enough

The pain wasn’t painful enough to fix my broken self so I cut deeper than I knew I should.

 Ah… sweet relief 

While relishing in the floaty feeling, I hear a quiet ping come from my phone. I pick it up, reading the text on my screen.

Hey y/n. I wanted to tell you that I passed that audition that I told you about and got accepted to become a trainee at JYP Entertainment. The only thing is that I have to leave tomorrow; but I promise I’ll keep in touch. Don’t die while I’m gone lol

Hannie

I let out a humorless laugh before making one more cut on my left thigh; it was so deep it gushed out blood. I didn’t really mind though; I needed the pain, maybe even liked it. Or I at least preferred it over everything that had happened in the past couple hours. The bathroom started to blur and I started to see stars; I decided to close my eyes and let the darkness take over.

SIX YEARS LATER

I walk into the cozy coffee spot trying to spot my friend. When I do; I rush over and give him a tight hug while he gently sways the both of us back and forth gently. He hugs me so tight I pull back from a lack of air.

Now, one might think that our greeting is a little much for not seeing each other for two days; but there is nothing dramatic enough for the man who saved my life

“Hey Y/n”

“Hey Chan” I say back breathlessly.

Chan, the 5’7 father of seven who is the reason I’m still here today FOUR YEARS AGO

After receiving the news of my mom’s death; I was devastated. She was at the hospital more than she was home; but when she was home we had so much fun. I could remember nights when we would stay up until 4 am surrounded by our favorite snacks. We would talk about anything and everything: me, her, the new episode of our favorite drama, Jisung.

Jisung

He hasn’t contacted me since the night of that party two years ago. I kept my old phone and number, even when I got a new one, just in case he called. I even pay the ridiculous rent for my childhood home just in case he came by. But maybe he just forgot about me; I mean, I am pretty forgettable. Not much special about me when he is a musical genius. 

I look out onto the bridge I’m on; the city looks so pretty from up here. Then, I look down at the water and the reflection of the city on it. Honestly, I would rather be in that city than the one up here. So I walk a little closer to the edge; not to jump, just to look. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. When I get to the edge and lean over it a little, reaching for the city in the water; I feel arms pulling me back. I immediately tense in the man’s arms, trying to figure out what type of person he could be. I lower it down to three options

A pedophile

A man that thought I was gonna jump and is trying to save my life

A drunk guy

‘Hey’ the man says in a gentle voice. “You’re a little close to the edge; why don't we back up a bit, yeah?” the voice says, gently pulling me back to a safe distance from the edge of the bridge. While still in the mystery man’s arms, I begin to analyze him. He’s strong, definitely stronger than me, so I can’t fight him. He also seemed to have the accent of a native English speaker. Before I could finish my detailed analysis the mystery man turned me around. 

“Hi,” he starts. “I’m Chan, Bang Chan. And you are?” he asks, looking at me with expecting eyes. “Y/n,” I responded in a quiet voice. 

“You looked like you could use some company. Why don’t we walk around and talk for a bit, hm? We can grab some food if you’d like.” 

“Oh, I’m not that hungry” 

That is the dumbest lie I have ever told

The truth is I am hungry. I have had nothing but a protein shake every other day. I skipped at least two days a week for the times I would go get food with friends or go eat with my mom at the hospital. But, I couldn't stop now. I've finally started to look normal, maybe even pretty. 

“Y/n, when’s the last time you ate, and I mean a full meal.”

Y/n, are you really about to spill all of your emotional trauma to some random stranger you just met?

Yes, yes I am

“About a month ago” his eyes automatically widened. “Yeah I have an eating disorder that I developed from body dysmorphia,” now Chan is looking at me like I’m crazy. Which, at the moment, I probably am. “Yeah I know. My mom died last week.” now even I know I’ve gone insane. 

“I wanted to jump” this time, I’m a little quieter; the fact I wanted to end my life a little harder to admit. “I’ve been cutting for years but after she died, cutting wasn’t enough” 

That was when I realized I was crying. It 's the first time I had cried since I was at my mom’s deathbed. Not while I drove home; not while I was cutting myself on the bathroom floor, not even at the funeral. 

I expected Chan to walk away. To consider me another depressed college student and to move with his life. But instead; I feel his arms wrap around me and his hands stand to gently move up and down my back. In my estranged state, I’m confused as to why the man I just met is comforting me. What’s even more confusing is how loved and cherished I feel in his arms. So, as any normal person would do, I cry my heart out into the man’s arms. 

After my loud sobs turn into quiet sniffles, Chan pulls me back and looks at my face.

“No offense, but you look like a mess”

“You look worse,” I sniffled.

Now that I got a good look at him, he looked a mess. His hair was  in messy, tangled curls, he had really dark bags under his eyes, and he was wearing different shoes.

“We both look like shit. But why don’t we fix our shit together, yeah?’

“Sure, why not”

BACK TO PRESENT TIME

“Ok, hear me out,” Chan starts. “What would you think of meeting the kids and becoming our manager for our upcoming comeback?”

“Let me get this straight. You want me, a broke girl straight out of college with no experience; to manage you and your friends' world-wide popular band?”

“Yes?” he says, but it sounds more like a question. 

“I haven’t even met them yet. First let me meet your so-called kids then we can talk about me becoming one of your managers,” I negotiated. Chan talks very highly of his kids; but again he couldn’t say a bad thing about anyone. 

“Ok great! How about right now?” he asked with a smile. 

“WHAT?” Chan grimaced at my loudness. “Bang Chan I am not dressed to meet a bunch of world-famous kpop idols!” Truthfully, I wasn’t dressed that bad. I was wearing a white tank-top, maybe a little too tight for a girl like me to be wearing; under a dark blue zip-up with some black, wide leg cargo pants. 

“You look fine,” he said a little more seriously. “They are at my apartment, we don’t  have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I'll go. I’ve been wanting to meet them for a while, this is just a little more sudden than what I had imagined.” are the words I force out of my mouth. “Yea sorry about that. I just knew if I didn’t ask you to come over today you would put it off for weeks,” he responded with a small smile.

This man knows me too well

He knows how I panic when meeting new people. How I get anxious about everything from what I say to how dirty my shoes are. He knows that I worry myself into panic attacks when it comes to first impressions

I let out a choked laugh, as if I were trying to laugh at a lame joke.

Except I am the joke

I tell him I’ll go, even if I kind of don’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to meet everyone; it’s just they seem so perfect. They just had to look good in everything: serious pictures, funny pictures, music videos, interviews, you name it. 

Slightly against my own will; I begin to get up, expecting us to leave.

“Y/n, you’re forgetting something,” Chan reminded me. I look at the table to see if I left my phone or wallet on it, but I don’t spot anything that’s mine. “What am I forgetting?” I asked him confused. “Y/n you forgot your sandwich”

My brain is working at 500 mph trying to come up with a better lie than ‘I had a really big breakfast’ because Chan knows I ever eat in the morning. “Y/n, did you eat at all yesterday? And I mean real food.” Chan asked, or rather scolded.

The truth is I didn’t, but it’s justified because the day before yesterday I went out with my old college friend, Yeji, and we ate hot pot; 3750 calories if I calculated correctly. And that’s way above my daily intake for two whole days. So technically, I ate enough for two days in one day which means there was no need to eat yesterday.

“Y/n,” Chan sighed; “Can you at least take a couple bites? Please?

“I can’t eat when I’m nervous,” was my excuse of choice. I mean, it wasn’t the complete truth but he didn’t have to know. 

Chan seemed to accept my answer and stood up. “Fine, are you ready to go?” he asks.

[thequeenofthewinter]

Work-in-Progress Wednesday

Hi, hello, hey. 'tis I, and I have a WIP snippet for you. (Actually, a rather long one because I am feeling indulgent today.) Anywho, I hope you enjoy it.

Tagging: @oblivions-dawn @mareenavee @paraparadigm @rainpebble3 @blossom-adventures @tallmatcha @dirty-bosmer @saltymaplesyrup @archangelsunited @ladytanithia @skyrim-forever @gilgamish @frankensonnet @snippetsrus @changelingsandothernonsense and anyone else who wants to join. I love making new friends. Don't be afraid to insert yourself. <3

Unfortunately for him, this is not the only preoccupation which has been eating away at Ulfric’s already severely-shortened sleep schedule.

As Dahlia has been moving further along into her pregnancy, her state of health has become somewhat delicate as of late. Most mornings Ulfric awakens only to see her eyes are already open, and she is leaned miserably over a metal bucket. So, he starts most of his days with one arm wrapped tightly around her as the other holds the hair back from her face as she is sick. What else is he to do?

Later, when Dahlia feels more herself and the nausea has subsided, she always apologizes profusely for being an inconvenience to him, and every time he waves her off. It is the very least he can do for her since she is carrying their child. He only wishes he could do more for her. 

Little does he know that she wishes the same. 

She spends many of her hours laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, trying to read a book, or attempting to do some of the paperwork she has had Jorleif or Galmar smuggle into their room. Or at least that was what she was doing to try to help make a dent in his daily workload…until he found out about it. 

“Lyssa specifically stated on her last visit, ‘No stress. All rest.’”

“I am sure that Lyssa wouldn’t mind if I helped read and sign a few papers. That is no trouble at all” She look at him with tired eyes.

“You need to be resting. Leave everything to me. I can handle it.” He argues back to her as he takes one of her hands in his own and brings it to his lips.

She shakes her hand from his. “But I am resting, Ulfric. That is all I do. I am hardly even allowed to get out of this bed to take a turn about the room or visit Lydia.”

“I am doing all I can to take care of you and make sure the baby—”

The next words she says are unfair and she knows it, yet in her frustration she says them anyway. “Yes, and you’re doing such a good job of that by the way. I hear you come in at half past 3 in the morning every night. Love, why can’t you come to bed and—”

“You know why I cannot.” To his credit, he tries to be patient with her, as he knows she does not mean the words she says in the manner it comes out. “We have a responsibility to our people.”

“But you do not have to shoulder that burden alone. Please.” She reaches out a hand to him, grasping it tightly as if he were her lifeline keeping her from sinking.

Ulfric sighs tiredly. There is no way that he can win and the sooner he realizes this, the better for him it will be. “I do not know what you want from me.” He tells her quietly as he looks back at her, his eyes pleading with her for some understanding.

But she does understand, and perhaps that is the worst part about it. 

“Take a moment, and be still.” She implores him as she slowly takes his hand and places it to her stomach. “Feel this?” She moves his hand so it grazes over the small swell there. “We are soon going to be a family.” Dahlia looks up at him a fragile smile gracing the corners of her lips, her eyes shining up at him in the tenuous candlelight of their room.

And for a singular moment, he obeys her wishes, and he is still. The shadows dissolve from the room and disappear his from face as he looks down at her and feels the gentle curve of her stomach. It is as if she were lit from within as she glows from somewhere deep inside herself—a place of pure happiness and contentment. He wishes sorely he could hold onto it for just a little longer before he has to snuff it out.

[orphicpoieses]

Life Lately

Hey there! It’s been a while since the last time I posted something.

Life was a little bit of a rollercoaster in the last few months but more on that later. If you wonder what happened to my inbox and tags: I simply forgot.

No, seriously, I have no view over the activities on here since last year summer, I guess. So I will just drop all the asks and start new.

If you already know me: welcome back to my small blog. If you don’t know who I am:

Hi. My name is Mimi. I am an aspiring writer for (dark) fantasy series and pen and paper games. Normally, I didn’t do much besides talking about my writing, but since I shifted in my day to day life to a more and more challenging and exciting schedule, I will probably turn this blog into a life diaries or something similar.

To give you a short overview over the recent events in my life, I will briefly go over them:

I had quite a pause on Project Rosary, but started again a few weeks ago. There is not much to say about this project, besides that I somehow got to meet some of my future beta readers? I now have a list for all of those people (a total list of 5 - perhaps more). I haven’t even finished draft one… I don’t know if this is a good thing or not xD

I started programming my Discord bot again! Kupla will have even more features in the future, which are currently only accessible for my close friends (Guild ID is set to our main server), but maybe, it will be available for more people in the future.

University is going quite well. I have gained a lot of new friends over the past year. I would even go over to saying I know so many people right now that I am literally overwhelmed by it to a certain point. Nevertheless, I never want to miss any one of them. Especially that one friend I am happy to call my boyfriend 💕

To be honest with you, I started writing several life updates posts but I never posted any of them. Even though so much happened in the last year and even though I could tell you so many things about all these events (organizing a huge party, being part of an official conference, publishing my first self-designed and co-written thing, new relationships, being in an official political position at university and so on and so forth), I am not sure what to write.

I don’t know if anything of this is interesting for you, since I linger in the writeblr part of tumblr.

Nothing - at least the 95% of the long list of things - is not writing related and I haven’t got the time to actually write on my own projects, even though I set myself an unofficial deadline to be done with draft 1.

Most of my time at the moment is consumed by university work and my mental health.

The truth is: my mental health is struggling at the moment to a point where my boyfriend and I agreed on changing our both schedules around, trying to become healthier in our sleep cycle, activities and overall mindset. He is way more mentally stable than I am, which is good for someone who is constantly overthinking stuff but also sometimes very frustrating.

My goal to change my daily routine is one of the most important things at the moment and by far the most present topic in my life.

I understand that this is not the content you hoped for when you saw my blog in the first place. I mean, I am originally a writing blog and people subscribe for a reason: to see exactly the content they hope to see. But at the moment, this blog is more a personal diary, instead of a blog about my projects, doing fun stuff like tag games and shoutouts.

Yes, I still love writing. Yes, I am still going to drop content about writing in the future. But this is not the only content anymore for me.

I would go on and say “drop me in the comments if you are interested in following this new journey” but obviously I will find out over interaction and follower counts.

Perhaps, I will get active again, when I have more to tell than “yay, I worked on my project for two hours but unfortunately I cannot tell you what I exactly did because I cannot risk getting rejected by an agent because I told too much”. Because my writing project is exactly that: a secret so I have a chance to get published in Germany.

Anyway, I hope I didn’t bore you to death with my little life update or scared you away that my content will be changing if I am active again.

I hope to see you soon in either the comments, reblogs or in my inbox and I wish you a very nice day.

Group hug! 💕

Let me tag you for visibility (tell me if you don’t want that in the future!)

@thetruearchmagos @enchanted-lightning-aes @yourfriendlywriter @365runesofthesystem @midnight-and-his-melodiverse @mirrorthoughts @kaatiba