#I cried myself to sleep last night over the news and even this morning my heart is so heavy

[thotmachinebroke]

Posting this because I've been caught up in the news and it's been a horrible drain on my mental health. It is normal and natural and even encouraged to feel outrage, despair, and grief over what is currently happening. However, letting these emotions take ahold of you and paralyze you is not productive, and is really damaging to your psyche. It's important to take time out of your concern and advocacy to take care of yourself. This is your sign to log off for a few hours and do something to nourish your mind and soul. Please take care of yourselves ❤️

[koofete]

in motion, in 3D. ー jeon jungkook.

pics not mine!

you touched yourself so well through the screen of jungkook's cellphone that he couldn't help but call you in the middle of the night.

jungkook × f!reader.

mature content, maybe fluff, mentions of squirt, sweet and trying something new, sex call.

note: i'm doing a lot of drabbles 'bout jk, but this man is living in my head! especially now with '3D' lyrics.. hope you guys don't mind!

Jungkook drove alone to the hotel he would stay with his band members, being the last one to arrive because he wanted to stay with you a little longer before traveling again.

Getting out of the car, jeon grabbed two bags, ready to go inside when his cellphone vibrated in the pocket of his jeans. Knowing who was possibly calling, he immediately dropped everything that had in hands and grabbed the phone. Your name appearing on the bright screen.

pretty girl 💕 sent a video.

pretty girl 💕 : i'm already missing yoooou

pretty girl 💕 : trying something new, ive never recorded myself like this before

pretty girl 💕 : sleep well ;)

You actually sent him a 'sleep well' after sending that abused pussy of yours gushing cum in a way that jungkook had never in person before?! No fucking way.

How cute of you to think that he could at least close his eyes for more than five minutes without thinking of your little cries in the back of that video, fitting perfectly with the wet sounds.

Her clit clearly needs more than just fingers. ー jeon thoughts making his dick even harder.

Unfortunately, jeon couldn't just grab his bags and go back but he had something on his mind. When entering the hotel, he tried his best to be cool and smile at some people who recognized him, but he was in a hurry.

Anxiously, he locked the door of the room in which would spend the night, not needing to share bed with anyone this time.

gguk: hope you're still awake

gguk: cause i am

You smile at the notification, not expecting him to respond so late at night.

Or maybe you expected, since the sheet beneath your body is a complete mess, your legs are still open and the only piece of clothing you wear is a white tank top from jungkook. You didn't move a finger, wanting to make sure if he would return soon or just the next morning.

gguk is calling . . .

And there you go.

You answered quickly and put it on speakerphone, leaving the phone aside since it wasn't a video call.

"what was that?" Jungkook immediately asks.

"what?"

"you know what i'm talking about, pretty. that fucking video is driving me insane."

"oh!" You chuckle a bit, feeling dizzy by the way his voice sounded hoarser than normal. "did you like it?"

Suddenly you receive a new notification. It was a photo of your boyfriend sitting on a hotel bed, in front of a mirror wearing only dark sweatpants, no shirt. His tattooed arm held his clearly hard cock through the fabric. Strands of his freshly cut hair fell over his forehead and a silver chain hung around his neck.

Your body will always burn with desire and shyness whenever you see him like this, despite the years of relationship.

"this answer your question, love?"

"y-yeah." Still staring wide-eyed at the photo as your legs close without you even noticing; thighs pressed together.

"i can't touch you through the phone and that's torture, baby." He growls the last word, left hand going down to his dick. "but you can fuck that sweet pussy of yours while i'm away. do this for me, yeah? now."

"mm-hm."

He smiles with the way you already seem so surrendered. "tell me if you're still wearing my tank top, pretty girl. i want to imagine you."

"yes, i'm still wearing." You say in a sigh. Now, with both hands free and the cellphone's close, fingers play with your nipple and pussy at the same time.

"fuck..." Jeon curses. His wide hands are already running up and down on his cock, slowly but firmly. "so wet my tank top and our sheets with your cum, love. 'want to smell your scent as soon as i get back to home."

"koo..."

"just like that..." At this point you can hear how wet he is and vice versa. "say my name louder, princess. put three fingers in like you know i would, fast and deep."

He gives the instructions calmly and affectionately, but still manages to sound dominant to your ears, which makes you even whiny. You do as jungkook asks and he notices it by the way your moans become louder, knowing that maybe you could even have tears in your eyes. He furrows his eyebrows and lets the air escape from his lips adorned with a small silver jewel in the corner, muttering small 'ooh's.'

Jungkook was loving having sex with you over the phone, but nothing compares to the feeling of having your body pressed against his, sweat running down his forehead as he gives his life while eat you out. He simply loves the sound that echoes when his balls slap against your ass and can't wait to see you squirting now he know that you can. But in person.

In motion.

"i'm cumming, koo!"

"go ahead, baby. i'm so close too..."

And more than ever, he can't wait to see you again.

`✦ !

[spicyyy-muffin]

Emberred Dreams

Warnings Death, torture, blood, gore, she has a nightmare disorder, talks of ptsd and other mental disorders, smoking cigarettes, friends with untold feelings arch.

Ghost x F!Reader

Reader has night terrors, and ghost likes midnight cigarette breaks.

--

Having night terrors every night wasn't anything new. This life wasn't easy, but it was the one I chose. Not every mission was successful and those ones especially had a hard time leaving my subconscious.

After my first failed mission I learned quickly I couldn't sleep in the same room as my team. The nights I didn't wake myself up screaming, others did.

There was no mental health advocate patting me on the back after witnessing hundreds of innocent's bloody death. And if there was, I probably would have nothing to do with them.

Being vulnerable was a sign of weakness, and everyday was an example that weakness got you killed.

The other guys in 141 were very stoic, never talking about their feelings, never shedding a tear. It was an unspoken rule.

But getting stuck in a warehouse 20 miles from base, meant we were forced to lay low. And that we all had to camp out in the biggest room, one of us staying awake to watch.

Soap laid an extra shirt on the old wooden floors. "I can go first, give you guys the chance to rest."

I spat my sunflower seeds in an empty tin can. "Nah its cool, I can take first watch Soap." Ghost's eyes met mine across the room. With three other highly intelligent men in this room how long would it take before they figured me out?

"Okay."

Ghost, Soap and James lay still on the ground. Even with the constant checks, and knowing we were safe. My thoughts were running at a pace I couldn't peel back.

There was only so long I could stay awake. And the last time I fell asleep around someone, I ended up in the clinic the next morning with an evaluation on whether or not I was capable of being in the field.

There was no way I was going to be sent home because of my stupid nightmares.

Three hours.

I was surveilling the front yard through a small break in the curtain when a hand brushed my shoulder.

"I can take over, get some sleep."

I shook my head at the masked man. "No I'm okay, go back to bed."

His eyes shot between mine and the makeshift bed on the floor. "We have to be awake in a few hours, don't try and be tough, get some sleep sergeant."

I huffed out a quick breath, "I said I'm fine ghost. Go back to bed."

"I wasn't asking."

I propped the rifle against the wall not making eye contact with the stubborn man and turning towards the place he just laid sleeping.

I couldn't put something in my mouth that would be weird. Covering my face wouldn't help. Sleeping on my stomach didn't mask the noise either.

But the exhaustion seeping through my blood wasn't enough to make me stand for the next four hours.

I laid down, putting my mouth in the crook of my elbow. I could feel his eyes burning into me, but I knew he wouldn't ask.

I woke up to cold metal gliding across my thigh. Opening my eyes a man with a dark beard and familiar eyes met me. "Goodmorning sunshine." His mouth moved into a sly grin.

Bringing my arms up to my chest to grab a hidden knife, I noticed the rough rope holding them together. My eyes darted across the room, and the sight made me instantly nauseous.

Soap's throat was ripped out, esophagus on the other side of the room. And ghost.. The man with whom I never told.

Why did I never tell him? A sob was ripped from my chest, "Simon?"

"Dead." The man stood from crouched knees but my eyes didn't leave the blood stained mask of the man I loved.

"It's a shame really. But maybe if you weren't so pathetic and fell asleep they would still be alive."

My vision blurred, tears tickling down my face in their wake.

"He asked me to spare you, take him instead. How heroic?"

He slammed his jagged knife into the plush of my thigh. I cried out. For the physical pain or emotional I wasn't sure.

Ghost's body moved. Eyes blinking open, immidiently my assailant's eyes shot to him.

"Well what do we have here?" He ripped the knife out of me walking over to him.

"Y/n?" Ghost blinked his eyes open, bloodshot using a free hand to grab his head.

"Tch tch tch, young love. How cute." His gun lifted ghost's head up further.

"What a shame it must end."

He cocked his gun pointing it at his temple, my scream's bursting my ear drums.

My body shook. Someone's hands on me pulling me back and forth. "No! Please-" I sobbed thrashing around trying to pull my hands free.

"Ghost! NO! Ghost please-"I shook my head squeezing my eyes shut forcing more tears down my cheeks.

"Wake up darling, please open your eyes."

My eyes shot open, I flew up gripping my knees looking around the room at the three men staring at me with guns in hands ready to attack.

Ghost was the closest, bent over, arms still out. He was the one who woke me up.

I shook my head, grabbing a pack of smokes and a lighter. Fuck I needed some air.

The cold air spoke wonders for wiping the guilt from my conscious.

The wooden stairs creaked under my weight, and again when a second body joined.

We sat in silence for a few minutes until he broke it. "Wanna talk about it?"

I passed the cigarette to him.

"How much did you hear?" He inhaled.

"Not a lot."

I shot my glance to him but he stayed staring at the frosted embers.

"You're so full of shit." My mouth spread into a tiny smile as his shoulders shook from silent laughter.

"Don't report me please." His eyes shot to mine.

"You're dense aren't you sergant?"

He dropped the cigarette to the ground stepping on it before crouching down to my sat figure.

He stared at me before placing his cold hands on my cheeks wiping fresh tears I didn't know were there.

"What's the matter baby?"

I took his wrists in my hands.

"I have feelings for you, I have have feelings for you I need you to know that. Please, I just-" I shook my head, "I just need you to know that I'm so scared-" His lips paused my rambling his other hand sliding through the strands of my hair.

He pulled away resting his masked forehead on mine, I realized he must of pulled it up when I was word vomiting.

"I'm not going anywhere, and Im not gonna let anything happen to you."

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, kissing me every once in a while. It wasn't until the sun met the horizon and I realized the lap I was curled up in just how long we had been outside.

He mouth was rested next to my ear, hands running down my arms. He took a shaky breath, "I can't say the words I want to. But I feel deeply for you, and I'm not sure anything can change that."

I turned my head placing my lips on his.

"I feel deeply for you too."

He smiled in the crown of my head.

"And if your lips are that pretty I'm not ready to see the rest of your face."

He peppered kisses along my cheek.

"You're cute but when this moment is over, you are gonna tell who that motherfucker was so I can put his severed hands in a display case."

--

Lmk what you think!

[greazyfloz]

8, 9 and 28 angst prompt list with Ethan?

Angst: 8. “Do I not make you happy anymore?” , 9. “Would you just look at me” & 28. “The world doesn’t revolve around you” w/ Ethan Edwards

Bad Communication

I haven't gotten to hang out with my boyfriend much since he has been hanging out with his friends a lot lately. Last night I asked him to come over but he already had plans with some of the boys on the team so I had a little spa night by myself.

As I waited for Ethan to arrive my sudden excitement to see him fades when I see Truscott's girlfriends new instagram posts of last night. In one of the pictures is a smiling Ethan with a beer in his hand at a party with Mark and a couple of other girls. The girls didn't bother me, it was mainly that he was at the party while I was home by myself. From the looks of it everyone else invited their girlfriends, so I was feeling really embarrassed about the whole situation.

I sat up from the couch and walked over and locked the door, that I leave unlocked when I know Ethan is on his way, then I made my way up to my room. I shut the door behind me and laid in bed. I laid there listening to his knocks on the front door fill the house but I choose to ignore them.

A few seconds later, I hear my roommate open the front door followed by footsteps making their way to my room. I turn my back so it is facing the door, so I don't have to look at him when he enters. He enters the room and I feel the bed sink beside me before I feel his arms wrap around me with his head resting on the side of mine.

"You forgot to unlock the door" Ethan says then presses a kiss on my cheek. I turn to look at him but hold my thoughts in for a second before finally speaking up

"No, I thought you would leave and go to a party or something if the door was locked" I say and he looks at me confused

"What are you talking about?"

"Do I not make you happy anymore?" I ask him, ignoring his question and the grin on his face slowly disappears as he processes the question I just asked him. He sits up beside me and I mirror his position looking back at him.

"Of course you do, what's going on?" he asks me reaching for my hand but I move it away

"Then why don't you ever hang out with me?"

"I am right now, what do you mean?"

"I mean that there are occasions where we could hang out and you just don't want me there"

"That's not true I always want to be with you"

"Ethan, you went to a party without me last ni-"

"Oh my god" Ethan says standing from the bed

"What?" I say

"The world doesn't revolve around you, I didn't even know we were going to a party. I don't want to be accused of being unhappy in my relationship because I didn't invite you" Ethan says then watches as a tear slides down my cheek.

"Can you leave?" I ask as I wipe the tears from my eyes

"Yeah" Ethan says quietly with a nod before leaving my room.

The rest of the night I curled myself in a ball under my sheets and cried myself to sleep. Ethan wasn't a fighter, and neither was I but although the argument was small, it was a big deal for us. I ignored the frequent calls I received later that night from Ethan.

The next morning, I followed my same routine except a little later in the day. I woke up and ate before heading over to the gym. When I came back to the house I could see Ethan waiting for me on my front steps. I sigh before getting out of my car and make my way towards him.

"How long have you been waiting here?" I say to him

"Not too long" he says plunging his hands in the pockets of his pants, "Look, I'm sorry" he continued

"Please don't apologize for if you aren't sorry Ethan" I say brushing by him as I walked towards the front door

"I'm sorry I upset you, I am sorry about that" he says and I open my front door and he follows me inside but I keep my back towards him as I try to keep myself busy by doing the dishes until, "would you just look at me?" Ethan says from directly behind me.

"I'm embarrassed Ethan" I say to him before quickly sighing then turning to look at him, "I was at home alone while all the guys you were hanging out with had the decency to invite their girlfriends, it looked like you just didn't want me there"

"I should have invited you" he says looking away for a second than back to me, "I'm sorry I haven't been around much, there really isn't an excuse. I didn't even realize I've been kinda skipping out on us" he continues then rubs the sides of my arms

"You should have" I say as Ethan bring his thumb up and wipes under my eye to catch the tear I didn't even know fell

"I know, trust me though, I learned my lesson. One night of not speaking with you killed me" he says making me giggle slightly as I looked up to him. He then rests his hand on my cheek and presses his lips to mine

[secretdestinypainter]

Healing up with my broken heart:

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

A long long time ago one of my closest friends Emily, went through a very terrible life experiencing a relationship, I Emily, went through my last breakup a few years ago. I thought I had paid my dues, cried my share of tears, and dealt with some deep wounds. I thought I was done. I was happy and in love, and talking about moving in with my friend.

One day we took a little vacation. We laughed and explored the desert excitedly talking about our dreams. Three days later I found myself sobbing on the floor of my tub, hot steam clouding around me.

Our breakup was quite beautiful aside from the shock and confusion. We looked into each other’s eyes. We smiled. We cried. We held each other. We said goodbye.

It might sound like we handled this well, and in many ways we did. We always respected one another. We never said anything hurtful or manipulative. I think that shows how much we loved and cared for one another.

But I was still a mess, deeply heartbroken and deeply depressed. It was the deepest depression I’d ever been in. I could do little more than cry and stare at the ceiling. Nothing in me wanted to stay in bed and nothing in me wanted to get out. It felt like torturous limbo with a crushing weight on my chest.

My mind couldn’t comprehend a day when I wouldn’t feel like this. Each night I fell asleep I prayed the morning would be different. But each day I woke up with a pang in my stomach and a heaviness in my heart.

Until one day I didn’t.

It wasn’t a miracle. My pain didn’t disappear in my sleep. But I started to feel better. The first day I was able to eat a little more. The next day I found myself laughing with a friend. I slowly started to be able to sleep longer hours and function more clearly. It was a snail’s pace, but it was progress.

If you’re going through a breakup right now the truth is that it will get better.

I needed to hear this over and over again from other people. When the pain is so intense it takes over everything. It’s very difficult to believe anything will change. I would call my mom in the mornings sobbing into the phone, “It still hurts. It’s not getting any better. Why does it still hurt?”

It’s supposed to hurt. Your heart is broken. You loved deeply, and now it’s over. One side of the coin is that endings are really sad. The other side is that endings are opportunities for new beginnings, and that’s really exciting, even if you can’t feel the excitement right now.

It was difficult for me to see that I was making any progress so I documented my days over those weeks. I found that there were five key things that helped me begin to heal:

I felt all the feelings.

I took advantage of my support system.

I gave myself love and compassion.

I took responsibility for my life.

I focused on me instead of him.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to allow yourself to grieve when your heart is broken.

Our bodies are intelligent. They can hold trauma for a lifetime. When we sob so deeply our chests heave and the tears fly out, our bodies are purging the pain. Allow this to happen. I was so tired of crying, but I would keep on doing it as I needed. I actually cried a little a few hours ago. It lessens. The pain lessens. I assure you this.

There were two or three people who were my everything during my lowest low. I used their support to get me through all of the times when I just wanted to give up on my life. I talked things through incessantly, something that can help us come to terms with the situation. Our minds need to process the change, especially if it was traumatic or sudden.

It’s really important that these are people who understand you, who are capable of being there for you in this way, and who are nonjudgmental. Someone who is going to say to you, “Honey, I am so sorry you feel like this. My heart breaks for you.” Not all of our friends and family are capable of taking on that role, and that’s okay. You just need one or two.

Through these first two steps I started to gain my own strength and identity back. I got to a point where I knew that only I could pull myself up out of it. I had enough moments of clarity through my pain that I was able to see what I needed to do for myself, and I gave myself so much love.

I honored myself and acknowledged that my heart was broken. I didn’t judge myself for being weak or stress out about being low functioning. I just let myself fall into my own arms.

I treated myself like my own daughter. I asked how I was feeling and listened to the response with compassion. I kept telling myself, “I am here for you. I am always here for you.” This type of love for myself helped the pain dissipate. It helped me to feel worthy of life again.

I am also someone, probably very similar to you, who is always looking to better myself. Nothing in life is isolated—we’re all connected and affected by one another, so I knew there were deep things about myself to look at.

Instead of focusing on my ex and why he left, I began to look at myself. I questioned what I was doing in my life that left me in relationships where men chronically abandoned me.

I didn’t put pressure on myself to figure it all out, but I allowed the question to be there. I invited the answers to come in as they needed to. I knew that whatever was most obvious was probably not the full picture — and it wasn’t.

Through a candid conversation with a very close friend, I began to discover some of my deepest fears. I realized that when I get very close to people I become afraid I will lose them, something that occurred repeatedly in my childhood.

When someone I was close to share a different perspective than mine, on some deep unconscious level I became threatened, and terrified this was the beginning of the end for us. Ironically, my fears of abandonment contributed to my relationship ending.

This kind of revelation is liberating when there is a lack of clarity in a breakup. I saw myself so much more clearly, and then I looked at the relationship from my ex’s perspective. I saw my newfound self through his eyes, and I understood how he felt. It all made sense.

One of the most important things I did that allowed me to heal was to focus on myself each time I thought of him.

This is especially true if you are not the one who wants to break up. I didn’t reach out to him at all. I gave us each space. I knew seeing him show up on social media would increase the pain so I used all my willpower to stay focused on myself. If I felt the urge to check up on him I reminded myself that I didn’t need to feel any more pain. This was enough.

I think now as a mature adult wouldn’t allow any wrong person to destroy my happiness, my success, and most importantly, my peace of mind. Loving somebody perfect is the best thing we can have and it is the best thing that could happen. But with someone who tried to ruin your abilities is not the right one. Girls you are the strongest creatures and the most valuable persons who exist, don’t let anyone bring you down or let your happiness be destroyed. Take a minute and think about who is the right one for you, more power to you guys.

[angelllbby222]

Conflicted : Ch 17🎀

Maddy P.O.V

I woke up the next morning with Izzy draped over me, snoring loudly right by my ear, causing me to push him over.

Last night he had come to apologize but I felt as if he was forced to do it just because Axl told him so.

Nonetheless I accepted it because, an apology is an apology.

He looked so adorable sleeping that it almost made me forget that I was still pissed at him for letting a groupie suck him off.

I huffed and got out of bed not caring about the fact that Izzy could wake up and hopped in the shower to get ready for the day.

Hopefully he woke up by the time I was out so I could see the look on his face when I ignored him.

It was slightly amusing seeing the way he tried hard to get my attention but then again it was for a good cause and that was, to teach him a lesson.

Although I wasn’t so sure if I could avoid him after last nights cuddling.

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling something hard poking my butt.

I guess he couldn’t control himself even in his sleep.

… … …

Duff was awake when I came into the kitchen for some breakfast, watching MTV which was currently featuring their new song, “Welcome to the Jungle”.

“Look it’s us!”

“Someone tell mom.” Duff exclaimed clapping with joy as he watched him and his band mates on national television.

“Um I don’t think so.” I scoffed, imaging how horribly wrong that would go if my mother ever got around to watching one of their music videos.

Which was filled with endless amounts of bad language, drugs and sexual innuendos.

“So I’m assuming Iz spent the night with you.” my brother asked seeing the black boots left by the front door.

“Yeah. He apologized.”

“And what did you say?”

“I accepted it but I told him we aren’t getting back together.” I sighed slamming the milk carton on the counter.

“He’s a great guy. Cut him some slack Mads.”

“What slack? Duff, he cheated on me with some trashy groupie!” I whined putting my hands over my eyes to prevent myself from crying.

If I had cried any more, my eyes would probably swell up and explode.

“Ahem.” Izzy coughed from my bedroom door.

I rolled my eyes upon seeing him, feeling angry as I made my way to the couch to sit next to Duff.

“Morning Iz. Want some cereal?” Duff mumbled through a mouth full of Fruit Island cereal.

“Nah I’m good. I’ll have some coffee though.” he muttered pulling out a cigarette.

“Maddy go make him a cup of coffee.” my brother insisted, too busy entranced by the models on the screen that were interviewing some rock band by the name of Motley Crue.

“Urgh. Fine.” I spat making my way to the kitchen and taking out some coffee I had just made.

“Y’know this is what it would be like if we were married.” Izzy smirked sitting down at the counter to watch me make his coffee.

“What? Being your slave…no thanks.” I scoffed turning around to grab some sugar.

“Quit it with the attitude. I said I was sorry already.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” I huffed, roughly sliding the coffee to him, causing it to splash.

He looked at me enraged, wanting to tell me off but keeping his mouth shut because of Duff.

“Fucking brat.” he muttered grabbing the cup and leaving to sit by Duff.

He could be so mean sometimes.

But then he could be sweet, caring and charming which was the Izzy I fell in love with.

Not the Izzy that cheated on me and had bipolar mood swings.

I went back to the table they were sitting at to grab my cereal so I could retreat to my room but Izzy yanked me by the arm, pulling me into his lap.

“Ew. I’m out of here.” Duff revolted grabbing his magazine and leaving to his room.

“Why are you being so mean to me?” he asked twirling a piece of my hair in his finger.

“You’re the one being mean.” I exhaled playing with my hands in my lap.

He turned me around to face him and cupped both of my cheeks in his hands.

“I’m sorry for being such an asshole.” he said, kissing me in between every word.

“Just promise me that you won’t cheat on me again please?” I asked, blindly ignoring the cut he had left on my heart and accepting it for what it was.

“I won’t baby.” he promised.

“I missed kissing you.” he whispered, stroking my arm lightly.

“I-…I wanted to ask you something.”

He looked kind of offended that I dodged his kiss but nodded for me to continue on with my question.

“Do you think Axl loves me?” I shakily asked, not knowing if he was going to get mad at me or not.

The truth was, I was curious why Axl was being so caring and nice towards me recently.

And when Izzy told me last night that he almost beat him up over me, I definitely raised a few eyebrows over that.

“Why?” he sternly asked, his jaw tightening with anger.

“Because he almost killed you over what you did to me last night…remember?”

He scoffed pushing me back a bit on his lap but not all the way.

“Even if Axl loved you it wouldn’t be enough.”

“He has too much baggage from his past to maintain any relationship and will cheat on you as many times as he will tell you he loves you.” Izzy snorted laughing sarcastically about his dig towards Axl.

“I might leave sooner than expected to Seattle.” I interrupted.

“What why?”

“I haven’t really had the best time here. And I’m feeling homesick.” I replied, partly telling the truth and lying about the rest.

The whole truth was, that he ruined my desire to stay here any longer and I wanted to get away from Izzy, Axl and L.A. for awhile.

“You can’t just leave. What about us!” he snapped, his brows furrowed.

“I have school and other stuff…”

“So what….y-your just gonna leave me after I fuck up once and that’s it. No second chance?” he urged looking at me with his big hazel-green eyes that I loved.

I couldn’t come up with one correct answer so I kissed him, not knowing how else to cope with the fact that I might never see him again and put both of my arms around his neck.

“Fuck me Izzy.”

“What? Maddy-

“Make me forget about that girl please. Fuck me.” I begged, hoping it would help resolve some of the anger I was still habouring about him cheating.

And somehow convince myself that after this everything was going to be okay.

It didn’t take much to get me wet for Izzy, all he had to do was talk dirty to me and I was a mess down there.

“Take off your panties, quick.” he urged, pulling his cock out which was already leaking.

I took off my panties and let my nightgown fall back down to cover the fact that I wasn’t wearing anything down there and lowered myself onto his hardened cock, slowly.

“Ohh-“ I squealed feeling it stretch me out in a way I never had been before.

“Ride me.” he demanded letting his arms fall to my thighs, pressing small circles onto the warm skin.

“I don’t know how Iz…” I mumbled, embarrassed that we had to stop because of this.

“This Maddy.” he emphasized, grabbing my waist, which perfectly fit into his hands and grinding me down onto his cock before letting my pussy off his cock and slamming it back down with a squelch.

“O-Ow!”

“Just keep doing it until it feels good.”

I moved up and down slowly at first before releasing his cock all the way and then shoving myself back down the way he taught me, feeling my little nub touch the stray hairs at the base of his cock.

“T-That feels g-good.” I moaned,letting my eyes roll back as he took over, pounding up into me relentlessly.

“Yeah?” he coaxed, pushing my hair out of my face to stroke my cheek as he gripped onto my waist with the other hand.

I reached back down to grab the end of my nightdress pulling it up above my breasts, letting them bounce freely to put on a show for him.

He looked up at me while he took one in his hand and massaged them roughly, spitting on them and rubbing it in on my nipples.

“I want a kiss.” I whined grabbing his hand and interlacing our fingers.

“C’mere.” he cooed grabbing the back of my neck to push me onto his awaiting lips.

We were making out sloppily not worrying about hiding our moans, making me about to orgasm quicker with how roughly he was kissing me.

It turned me on whenever he grabbed me by my neck and took control but my euphoria didn’t last very long because right when I felt like I was about to cum I heard someone yell really loud.

Almost like a girl.

“OHH MY GODD.”

“BLEACH. SOMEONE GIVE ME A GALLON OF BLEACH NOW.” Duff screamed covering his eyes as he made a disgusted face at his sister who was practically naked, straddling her boyfriend/his best friend who was also half naked.

Izzy laughed upon seeing Duff’s expression remaining calm and in no hurry to cover up but I immediately jumped off him rushing to grab my panties and ran to my room.

“I’m going to tell mom! I cannot believe I had to see this.” Duff whined stomping his foot like a big baby as he grabbed a pillow and threw it out Izzy who didn’t seem to give any shit about being caught.

“And you!” he said pointing a finger at Izzy.

“You owe me for having to witness this shit. I want to barf right now.” he groaned kicking the couch with his feet to which Izzy thought was hilarious.

“I’m going for a run now. I need it.” Duff yelled slamming the door shut.

Izzy came into my room shortly after and pulled me up to straddle his waist.

“No Izzy I’m not in the mood anymore.” I whispered, avoiding his face.

“Okay fair enough. But were you serious about going back so soon?” he asked burying his face in the nook of my neck.

“Yes. I need to get away from you and from this place.” I sighed tugging at his arms to let me down.

He let me down onto the bed and ran a hand through his hair, staring at me baffled.

“So you’re just gonna leave us behind? I made one mistake for fucks sake!” he grunted pulling out his favorite anxiety medication, a pack of cigarettes.

“That doesn’t matter, why did you let that groupie give you a blow!” I shouted scrunching my face in anger.

“She doesn’t mean anything to me. It was just a blowjob and not even a good one.” he scoffed, blowing out the smoke.

“How would you feel if I got on my knees for Axl!” I retorted hoping he understood how I was feeling right now.

“I’d fucking kill him.”

“Exactly.”

“No. This is different because I barely knew the girl. Holy shit.” he huffed getting frustrated with my constant bickering.

“Get out.”

“Fine. Fuck this. I don’t need you when I have multiple girls who line up for us after every show.” he shouted on his way out.

I heard the door slam and buried myself into my bed, letting out a deep exhale as I looked out the window, wondering if I should leave sooner than later.

Just when I was about to grab my suitcase I got a call and got up to answer it.

“Duff’s not home-

“Maddy. I wanted to talk to you actually.” a deep voice spoke from the other side of the phone.

“Axl?”

“Yeah. Listen I know Izzy loves you and you love him but I have to tell you this to get it off my chest.”

“What is it?…”

“I think I’m in love with you and I was wondering if you would be willing to give us a chance?”

This had to be a dream….

[brightgnosis]

We left at 4:30 pm yesterday and didn't get back until 10:30 pm. The event itself was only from about 6:30 pm to about 8:00 pm. So much of yesterday was spent just traveling to and from the event (why do I have to live so far away from my Synagogue) ... I wound up needing two extra hours of sleep this morning, my body hurts so bad I legitimately feel like I got run over by a Mack Truck, all of the nerves in my thighs especially are shot, and my entire respiratory system is congested to Antarctica and back- all completely normal effects of me traveling for the day every time I go long distances with my Fibro ... But God was the travel for the Synagogue's fundraiser event so ultimately beyond worth it all.

I got to experience Havdalah for the first time (I literally cried at the beauty of it). I sat for hours talking to the Rabbis (both mine, and her Husband who is also a Rabbi in his own right) about so many ridiculous and random things. I met one of my other Conversion Classmates finally (she's so sweet and quiet). I met the girl whose Bat Mitzvah I cried over online (she is so lovely). I got to see the individual who invited us to Shabbat Dinner at their home last time we were there for service- and met their partner and their roommate, too (they're all so incredibly nice- and they showed me some photos of the new hides they're working on for the Torah Scrolls).

I even got to out myself about my pronouns, and tell the story about how @grandmother-jay decided I was her "Lizard" instead of her "Sister" when I first came out to her as It / Its Agender- and how that segways into a joke about "no Gender, only Frog" because of my Fibro and the skin issues that come with it. And they all laughed. And they all loved it. And one was happy they were no longer "the only one with the weird pronouns at Shul anymore".

I haven't laughed or cried that hard in decades. And I'm completely beside myself about it ... Absolutely struck by how, three years ago, I sat here on Tumblr crying and trying to figure out where to go after I'd left Irish Reconstructionism because of all the toxicity I'd encountered; broken and despondent at the loss of yet another religious community I desperately wanted to love and accept me ... Thinking, trying to figure out what I needed most out of religion to fulfil me- and settling on "Community" as my absolute; my driving need that I had to fulfil above all else in order to sustain myself.

All I could think of last night was how, sitting at that table, I had never felt more welcome and accepted anywhere in the world, in all of my life; that I'd finally found it after decades of sticking out, and not fitting in, constantly being rejected and too pained to try again everywhere I went, putting up walls to protect myself. I feel Human, and Seen, and Loved, and everything here just feels so incredibly right in every way, and I am sobbing over it.

Every encounter I have- every additional step I take- is just further confirmation. Not only that this was the correct path for me to begin with, and that I made the right choice (not just for my Ancestors, but for myself). But also that putting my absolute faith in HaShem to deliver the way for me when the time was right, was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

[purplerain85]

For my Broken Heart

Pairing: Happy x Reader

Summary: The end of your Relationship with Happy and the morning after.

A/N: so clearly heartbreak and hurting this man is a new thing 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have no idea why. I love this man but hurt just looks so good on him. It’s also super short too

Also the fix is based off My Broken Heart by Reba McEntire.

Warning: angst,

It was inventible as much as you two fought so hard for this relationship and the love you two have for each other. It was just one of those things that no matter what it wasn’t going to work.

So here you two were carrying the rest of his boxes down to his car. There were no angry words barely any words just a couple “mmhmm and yeah” from you knowing that if you spoke too much that would be it. You would completely lose it and he would feel even worse than what he already did.

“That’s the last of it” Happy says flatly as he gets Opie in the car, he looks like he is just holding on as well. He gives you one last hug gets in his car and drives away. You stand there tell you cannot see his tail lights anymore, and walk back into your now extremely empty home.

You lock the door turn out some of the lights, grab your bottle of vodka on the way to your bedroom, you get to the door look at the empty Alaskan king bed as you feel the tears come you say “Nope” knowing that you couldn’t face the night sleeping in the bed and make a mental note to buy a smaller bed and turn to the living room.

You sit down and instantly feel the damn break and lay down and cry so hard that you cried yourself to sleep while making a little prayer. Knowing that this is a whole new heartbreak that wasn’t going to be easy to get over. Happy had said “if it’s really meant to be you two will find a way back to each other” but you weren’t so hopeful.

You awake the next morning to the sun glaring at you, and realize that life is still going and the world is spinning. You lay there trying to put your scattered thoughts in place. You struggle to get to the kitchen to make your coffee knowing that this is the first of many mornings you have to face by yourself.

Happy called you around noon, he sounds so lost and broken “how you doing baby girl? And don’t lie to me and tell me you are ok, tell me how you are feeling?”

You gaze out the window and start crying while saying “I couldn't face the night in that lonely bed, so I laid down on the couch instead. Then I prayed the Lord my soul to keep then I cried myself to sleep so sure life wouldn't go on without you but this sun is blinding me as it tries to wakes me from the dark I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart”

Tag 🏷️ @withmyteeth @darklydeliciousdesires @jvalentinesworld-cokes-hyna @yourwonkywriter @darqchilddaydreamz @reyeswritesmc @chibsytelford @twistnet @nestorsgirlfriend @nessamc @challengeahellcat @indefiniteimagines @raewritesfiction

[whatimdoing-here]

Word vomit shit seizures under cut

Had a seizure last night. It'd been over a year so definitely a reminder of exactly what sucks about having them. Killer headache this morning, body being very very sore. The frustration initially when releasing I have a million thoughts in my head but I can't completely talk or understand for 20-30 min afterwards. The continued frustration afterwards knowing that now I can't drive, at least for awhile, and am now completely dependent on others for that again. The last seven years or so especially, my happy place is going out by myself, and getting coffee. Or going out by myself and going shopping. So now I can't. Not sure if I'll wait The whole six months, but it needs to be some time. And I definitely will not be driving long distances the next six months so there goes driving to Chicago in the late winter/early spring. And Columbia next month.

The anxiety for the next... Months as they're more likely to happen after one happens. The brain fog. Today a new one is I now feel like I'm getting sick because something has been going around the house and seems like not breathing for two minutes exasperated it. Imagine.

There's frustration because I can't pinpoint anything that would have given me warning except right before. Didn't miss meds, not ridiculously stressed out or overtired. Being on my period seems to unfortunately be a trigger.

There's also a new feeling of hopelessness. As I try to decide... If or how or what to do about my marriage as I struggle to figure out my feelings, this is a reminder that he knows what to do, how to stay calm, be there for me. It's also causing him mental harm, seeing me like that. It doesn't feel like I can leave him. It increases my chances of something really bad happening to me. I was on the floor when it happened, but definitely hadn't made my way to laying down because I was convinced I could stop the train that was coming.

The second one that has happened at night, but not when I was sleeping. It's one thing if I'm sleeping already. It's tough to deal with it and then be awake and text people like "lolz sorry I didn't respond I had a seizure". I don't want to hide them from my people. But it's still weird.

Thankfully our plans today got cancelled. I was going to do a lot of housework, but truly feel pretty shitty both mentally and physically. so I'll do some but probably stay in bed or recliner a lot. Emotionally even though I cried some when ya know I couldn't talk last night, I'm feeling pretty emotional again. It just really sucks and I hate it.

But now I'll say I'm thankful that it's not worse. The fact that it's been over a year (since a big one, I'm having multiple partial ones a month) is good. And I really hadn't made any changes to meds before that even, so hopefully things are still under control and it just was a one time for awhile thing. Guess we'll see. Maybe between the computers and reading on my kindle it's been too much screen for me. Or really my water to caffeine ratio wasn't great yesterday.

Truly one of the weirdest effects is that I am super sensitive to cold, touch and taste, for days after. It's like extra cold.

Venting done.

Thankful for this place and my people. And to any of those people reading I hope you know that I don't tell you looking for sympathy, I tell you so you're aware.

[eris-snow]

𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬

Tags: Deku's birthday series 2023, izuku x fem!reader

Your biggest secret is hid under a mountain of lies. God, you how much you wish it wasn't this time of the year

When I ask you to go to sleep at 11, I go to sleep at 1. Go to sleep earlier, I know that you’re tired.

Izuku stares at the post-it note sitting innocently on the bento set he’d claimed as his. His face breaks out into a wide grin.

About four months ago, you started this game called Secrets with him. You would stick a post-it note on one of his possessions, and tell him a secret of yours. Sometime in the day, he’d find time to reply to it with a secret of his own. The secrets are small, nothing big.

I didn’t brush my teeth this morning.

I cried myself to sleep last night.

I haven’t finished my homework yet.

Trivial matters that scream innocence after the hell ride they experienced a handful of months ago.

After the war, while he cycled through several long rounds of therapy, you’d decided to help him through by introducing this quirky game as a symbol of trust.

Trust was something difficult to find after the war.

And even though things were settling down into the new normal, he never wanted this game to end.

Glancing over your note again, he sighs and shakes his head at your confession, smiling at your honesty.

So you are self-aware.

“Izuku,” Katsuki’s gruff voice makes green eyes shift to red, and almost immediately, his smile seems to triple in size.

“Good morning, Kacchan!” He beams.

“Mornin’,” Squinting at the sunny smile, Katsuki folds his arm and jerks a thumb at the post-it. “Shortie’s writing love notes to you again?”

“Don’t call her Shortie,” He defends, offended. “And they’re not love notes, they’re confessions!”

“Love notes,” Katsuki insists, dumping his textbooks on the table. “Mind if we use half? The squad wants a study session.”

His eyes shift lower to what Katsuki had tossed on the table so haphazardly. “Yeah. Can I borrow these?” He took the blond’s post-it notes and a green pen, only to get a snort in response. “Wanna write something back.”

His only response was a snort. “Do what you want.”

“Thanks, Kacchan!”

He pauses, pen doting the small sheet of paper. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes, isn’t it? And plus, he wants you to know! It’s only fair since he knows yours.

Shrugging, Izuku scribbles it down, slaps it on your water bottle before he finishes his bento in record speed and-finally-starts his day.

It’s only when Izuku is out of sight did Katsuki round the table and peer at the note, lips tugging into a frown. He combs a hand through his hair, and mutters. “Shit…it’s that time of the year again.”

--

When you come back from your workout later that afternoon, you’re greeted with the sight of an orange Post-it note stuck on your water bottle and Izuku’s messy handwriting in splotches of green. A grin starts to form on your face as you rip the Post-it note off your bottle, dragging your towel across your face as you scan his response.

No one except Kacchan knows this, but my birthday is on 15th July. P.s. Get some rest too. I know how hard you work.

You snort and shake your head, the smile that had started to plaster itself on your face already turning upside down.

Well, that was a big fat lie.

You almost crumple the Post-it in the process. Your fingers trace the first few words, hovering over the words no one. They then find Katsuki’s name, and it makes your smile collapse.

It’s that time of the year again.

[wordsafterhours]

Songs About You - Chapter 14

Author's note: About time I got this done. I hope everyone who still likes this fic is around and will take time to enjoy this update. I made myself laugh, which is almost just as good as making someone else laugh.

*don't come for me at the end with pitchforks.*

Word Count: 3.3k

----------------------------------------------------------------------

She was floating somewhere between dreaming and unfortunate consciousness. Seeking to keep hold of sleep, Aelin flopped onto her side, groaning when she hit a dense mass instead of her usual plethora of feather pillows. Cracking a heavy lid, she peered at the lump. Dorian hadn’t moved, his soft snores unwavering. Least one of them was still delightfully asleep and unaware. 

With the last tendrils of grogginess dissipating, a splitting headache became apparent. It felt like the bones were trying to crack apart in areas long knitted together. A dull sense of nausea was also floating around, but she was trying very hard to not acknowledge it, hoping it would sink away. Hangovers were merciless and never worth the night before. 

Fleetfoot wasn’t bothering her, which likely meant it was still early or the dog was sleeping in as well. Whatever the case, Aelin decided more sleep would cure her ailment. Flipping over, she was met with brief surprise, again. Fenrys, a more eloquent sleeper than Dorian, was cuddling her stuffed animal, looking as though he was having the best sleep of his life.

Two attractive men in bed had to be somewhere on everyone’s fantasy list, likely even hers if she gave it enough honest thought. This would likely be a running joke in the days to come, but for now, it was comforting. One old friend, one new, both irreplaceable. After the events of last night, they had driven her home, whispered soft words as she cried, and offered to pummel both Rowan and Elide. It was exactly what she had needed. 

Sinking into the mattress, Aelin closed her eyes, trying to calm her mind enough to fall back to sleep. But it was pointless. Her body was relaxed, the soft linen sheets caressing her skin, attempting to soothe her back to sleep, but her traitorous mind was in hyperdrive. It kept replaying the events of last night over and over, on a high-definition loop. 

The betrayal was a feeling reminiscent of when she was a kid, and her mother would dab antiseptic on her cut. Except now, there was no one to blow on it, the stinging felt painfully in full affect. Rowan, in the days prior had eased it all, and somewhere in the depths of her disappointing sadness, there was a part of her that would fall at his feet, hoping he would do it again. 

Aelin’s body froze momentarily, shocked, as an arm fell across her body, pulling her close. “I can hear you thinking from here and it’s disturbing my slumber,” the sleep-addled voice said against exposed shoulder. 

“We cannot all be unbothered by the world, your highness,” she cheeked back. 

He let out nothing more than noncommittal grunt. She would have thought him back to sleep if not for the occasional lazy circles he was drawing across her skin. This was their friendship, strong and ignorant of proper boundaries. To an outsider, they would appear like a couple, but having tried that once, it was evident friends was the better choice.

“I’m not sure if I should be turned on or jealous at the moment,” tutted Fen, his voice a little huskier than appropriate for morning hours. 

Aelin cracked a lid, her bright eyes connecting with his appraising stare. He looked like the cat who ate the canary, and it made her face scrunch from a widening smile. “You’re just jealous that the stuffed animal doesn’t snuggle back.” 

“Hmm, I don’t think it’s that,” he declared with a low chuckle.

“Aelin, where did you find this mannerless mongrel?” 

“The same place I found you: the bar.” 

“Excuse me, that is not where you found me.” She bit her lip, trying to hold in a laugh. She just knew his face was pinched in indignation. Dorian was known to be quite wanton in his behavior, but it wasn’t a topic of discussion. Everyone just knew and that was that. 

“Is anyone going to invite the dog to snuggle or…?”

“I didn’t see Fleetf—” her remark stilted as a pillow collided with her face.   

“Well, Dorian, you were right, he is a mannerless mongrel.” 

“Fine! I didn’t want to cuddle with you two anyways. Wouldn’t want to give anyone fleas.” 

Aelin let Fenrys roll almost out of bed before reaching out, grabbing his shirt beneath her fingers. “C’mere.” 

The body heat from both men was almost too much to bear and she fought the comforter to stick a foot out for some relief. Contentedly, she relaxed, feeling unexpectedly safe in the current arrangement. She may not have Rowan and her best friend may have slit her heart from her chest, but in her bones, she knew Dorian and Fenrys would never hurt her. Perhaps, if she was less damaged, she’d let the blond seriously pursue her because underneath his cheeky persona, his heart was gold.

“Shhhh, you’re going to wake her up,” a harsh, hushed whisper grated across Aelin’s semi-conscious mind.

“I don’t even know how she’s sleeping through that loud banging.”

“I get the impression she doesn’t often sleep good.” 

“Well, sleep is on the bottom of what’s important right now. If you haven’t noticed, it sounds like someone is making off with half the downstairs!”

“Buck up buttercup and put on your big boy pants. I think two of us can take whoever it is,” Fenrys claimed, sliding from the bed and into his discarded jeans from the night prior. 

“I know we just met and all, but confronting robbers isn’t in my area of expertise. I have a full security team at home.” 

Aelin, who had been listening to this entire exchange, was two seconds from losing all sense of decorum and giving up that she was awake. Dorian sounded so panicked, surely his eyes were the size of saucers, and he was likely clenching her comforter tight. He lived a far more sheltered life than she had, despite also growing up in the public eye.

“Dorian, get up!” 

“You can’t just order me about.”

The bed jostled followed by loud thump. That’s one way to do it, she amusedly thought to herself. Cracking a lid, Aelin could see Fenrys holding out Dorian’s clothes with an annoyed expression. 

Dorian huffed, his face matching Fenrys’, as he took his clothes and started to put them on. His lean arms slipped into his shirt, but he paused, angling his head—clearly he heard something she did not. Fenrys froze, too, his stance stiffening as he stared at her bedroom door. 

Worry hadn’t been present before because if it had been anyone serious downstairs, Fleetfoot would have barked her head off. More than likely, the boys had heard the dog causing chaos downstairs, and not people. But now, doubt was filtering in. 

The bedroom door flew open and before Aelin could even process what was happening, Dorian was running full speed and tackling the intruder, landing outside in the hallway. Fenrys froze in a shock, arm still raised, a heavy book in hand. 

“GET OFF ME!” screeched Manon. 

“Ah gods,” Aelin muttered, immediately springing past Fenrys.

A pant-less Dorian was moving to stand, and Manon was flat of her back, white-blonde hair splayed out on the wooden floor, red faced and angry.

“Hey M,” she supplied coolly, extending an arm to help to help her up. Manon waved her off, too busy staring daggers at Dorian, who looked like he was wishing he could be anywhere but here. 

Aelin could feel Fenrys standing behind her and she leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his warm skin against her shoulders. Truthfully, an angry Manon scared her, and she wasn’t afraid to seek Fernys’ protection against her. 

Manon sat up, her piercing gold eyes roving over each of them, no doubt cataloging details and mustering up ideas. 

“Before you jump to the wrong conclusion, it’s not what it looks like,” Aelin rushed out defensively. 

“So, you didn’t all come out of the same room in various stages of undress? No shirt, no pants, and don’t even get me started on the amount of skin you’re showing.” 

The tips of her ears burned in embarrassment. 

“I swear, it really isn’t what it looks like.” 

“Somehow you saying that just makes it that more unbelievable. Everyone knows how you are.”

“Manon,” Aelin chastised. Dorian may have been a flirt, opportunistic in bedding people, but it didn’t warrant his feelings being stepped on because she someone was angry.

“You act like what I said isn’t true.” 

“That may be, but it isn’t true in this moment. We don’t know one another well, but they’re both being honest when they say nothing is going on. Please don’t make either one feel bad for something that’s strictly innocent in nature.” Fenrys brushed passed Aelin, extending a hand to the woman still laid out on the floor. Manon took it, rising to her feet. No thank you was given and the four stood in silence. 

She wanted to ask what Manon was doing there and why there was an almost musical banging coming from downstairs, but at the same time, she was tired of being talked down to. Self-conscious, she pulled down on her tank top, eliminating the skin showing above her sleep shorts. The pair of golden eyes missed nothing, zeroing in on her movements.

Fenrys noticed, stepping a few paces and giving her shoulder a soft squeeze in reassurance. “Manon, how about we go downstairs and get you some ice.”

“What for?” she sniped. 

“To cool you off.” 

“I’m not hot.”

Regret colored her face the minute she said she wasn’t hot, and Dorian looked too pleased with himself when he followed up with flirty statement declaring otherwise. Manon rolled her eyes and headed back to the first floor, taking the stairs two at a time. 

“Does she eat children for breakfast?” Fen asked with shiver.

“With a side of kittens,” Dorian confirmed, his blue eyes watching the stairs, as though he were waiting for her to rush back up them and give another lashing. 

“I think I’ll get dressed,” Aelin said to no one in particular, ducking back into her bedroom. The two boys followed, each grabbing their missing clothing and shrugging into them. 

“We’ll see you down there, ‘kay,” Dor declared in parting, Fen hot on his heels. 

With a resigned sigh, she flopped back into mussed bed covers, all will to change clothes dissipating. She grabbed the stuffed animal, sitting him on her chest, “Did you enjoy being cuddled by Fen, Mr. Snuggles?” 

She manipulated the bear into nodding, smiling to herself at her antics. “That’s great, me too.” 

“And here I thought I was the only guy that had been in your bed lately.” 

Aelin let out a surprised shriek, throwing the animal at the intruder without a second thought. The attack was easily deflected with an arm wave and Mr. Snuggles fell to the ground with a soft thud. His large, tanned hand scooped him up and tossed him back on the bed, a predatory glint in his eyes and a pleased smirk affixed on his perfect face. 

The embarrassment and anxiety coursing through made it feel like her stomach was in her throat, about to jump ship at any moment, and her lips pressed tighter together as though they could prevent it from happening. Women her age weren’t supposed to sleep with animals, much less talk to them, and now she’d been caught red-handed. How was it this man consistently had the worst timing? 

Maybe if she closed her eyes and pretended he wasn’t there, he’d just poof into thin air, leaving her and Mr. Snuggles to their conversation. Squeezing them shut, she waited, listening intently for his departure, but in didn’t come. Fighting against her better judgement, Aelin kept her lids tightly shut, refusing to give him another ounce of her time. 

Unreliable. Hot. Cold. Friend. Foe. The push and pull dance weighing down an already exhausted soul. It had been pretty clear last night where they stood and why he was here, she had no idea. The “why” bothered her more than his actual presence if she was being truthful. Nonetheless, she dug her heels in, refusing to inquire, refusing to acknowledge. 

A gentle yet firm pressure forced her knees apart. Rough fabric skated across bared flesh, goosebumps raising in response. The bed dipped beneath new weight. The very distinct smell of Rowan wrapped around her.

“Aelin,” he said lowly but in a way meant to command attention.

Childishly, she turned her head to the right, eyes still screwed tightly shut. Her lungs were screaming in protest, fighting for her to release the breath she was unconsciously holding. A traitorous breath whooshed out, the subsequent inhale assaulting her senses again in pine and snow. 

The bed dipped more right and the feeling of rough fabric became more pronounced as he shifted. Featherlight, the unmistakable feel of a calloused finger traced the bridge of her nose, across the light smattering of freckles decorating her high cheekbone, ending with a careful tuck of hair behind her ear.

Still, she didn’t move. He loosed a frustrated breath. 

Fingers threaded throughout her hair, as though he’d done it a million times before, his thumb coming to rest just in front of her ear. “Ace, please,” he begged, just barely more than a whisper. The defeated tone wilted her fortitude. He sounded so desperate and while Aelin shouldn’t care, she did. He sounded like she felt. 

“Why are you here?”

“I won’t tell you unless you look at me.” His thumb skittered across her cheek in a circle, a silent imploration meant to chase away the rest of her resolve.  

“You’re not an any position to be making demands.” 

“No, but I’ll get on my knees and beg if I must. It’s just five minutes of your time and I can leave when I’ve said what I needed to say.” 

Rowan on his knees sent her brain sideways, as she allowed for a momentary glimpse of it under much different circumstances to play out in her mind. But as quick as it had appeared, she pushed it aside, returning her thoughts to the present. 

His eyes were brilliantly green, every color of the Oakwald forest interwoven within their depths, but they stood out more than usual because the dark circles beneath his eyes. Rowan looked the roughest she’d ever seen him. Handsome, painstakingly so, but tired, sad, and something she couldn’t place. His silver hair, usually plaited and put up, was messily loose, like the day she’d seen it when he was cutting wood. 

Dropping his hand from her face, he shifted, resuming likely what had been his initial position: a hand on either side of her shoulders, one leg resting against the bed between her knees. Unable to resist the urge, she raised her hand, gently brushing against his side to grab a piece of silver that had fallen forward. She swore he shivered but it had been such a quick response, it could have been entirely imagined. 

Idly, she twirled the lock with her finger, waiting for him to divulge the reason for his forced presence. 

“Lyria’s pregnant.”

A million and one reasons could have come out of his mouth, but Aelin would have never thought that’d be the one. The feeling you get from dropping great heights on amusement rides could not compare to how she felt in the moments following his admission. 

Space. She needed space. Breaking out of his embrace, she was on her feet halfway across the bedroom before turning to face him. His eyes looked glassy, his proud shoulders rounded and sagging in defeat. 

“How long have you known?” Aelin wasn’t sure why she asked. In her bones she already knew the answer. 

“After I left here that morning. Lyria was waiting for me in the driveway of my house.” 

Life was cruel. Or the gods were. Had she wronged the world so in her past life and was thusly being punished in this one?  He had become a bright spot in her life and now, reduced to another pile of ash. Hiding her anger, she turned and stared into the empty fireplace, a too literal example of how it all felt. 

“Say something.”

“What do you want me to say, Rowan? That I understand why you stopped answering my texts and made me feel like I wasn’t worth your time? That I understand you’re doing the best you can?” She clenched her fists and turned back to look at him, face red, lip quivering with emotion. “Because I don’t. I feel hurt and let down. Gods I’m so furious with you.” Her voice cracked and it only made her more mad at this entire situation. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve spent weeks trying to decide how to tell you that I can’t be here for you like I promised. I want to be right here Aelin, and I just….,” he raked his hands through his hair, messing it further, “I have to be there for her and for my child. I won’t be someone who shirks their duty because it’s not convenient for me.” 

“What about me?” she hated how small and pitiful she sounded. Selfish even. But she had to ask it. Where did she fall in this fucked up situation? 

Somehow, in two strides, he had crossed the room and was holding her in a vice grip to his chest. “I won’t give you up.” 

“You just said you can’t be here because you have to be there. I don’t understand.” 

“It’s been hell, but I was respecting the boundary Lyria set as my girlfriend and mother of my child, but then last night, when I got a glimpse of how it felt to not have you at all… watching you crumple because of me, that’s worse than anything I’ve had to deal with since losing my parents."

Rowan’s strong arms held her tighter as he continued, “I can’t be here like I promised, like I want to, but I still want you in my life, Aelin. You’re my friend and you’re about to go through a very hard time. I won’t desert you when you need people on and by your side.” His assertion rumbled against her, putting to bed some of the crippling sadness he had descended on her only moments ago. 

Ever a glutton for punishment, Aelin squirmed in his grasp, until her arms were free to wrap around him. She splayed her hands against his back, enjoying the feel of his strong muscles ripple beneath them. Rowan rested his cheek on the top of her head, neither ready to break the contented silence they found themselves in. 

The pair stayed like that for some time before Rowan made to step back but was quickly stopped when the blonde let out a warning huff. His chuckled bounced her head albeit not in an uncomfortable way. “I was going to show you your surprise, but I guess not.” 

Aelin tipped her head back to look at him, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. 

“I think I’ve had all the surprise that I can handle for today,” she fired off, still looking up at him. 

He smiled, one that reached his eyes, as he lightly thumped her nose. “You’ll like this one, Ace.” 

“If it’s not a hazelnut chocolate cake from Emrhys’, I don’t want it.” 

“Gods woman, it’s amazing you don’t weight 300 pounds with all the sweets you devour,” he teased. 

“I have a great figure, thank you very much.” 

“I’m not going to touch that statement with a ten-foot poll.”

“You sure?” she asked suggestively, giving him a once over with a raised brow. 

“I’m leaving, see you downstairs,” he said hurriedly retreating for the door.

Not even waiting to see if he had left the room completely, Aelin chanced it and slipped her sleep cami over her head. A choking sound covered by a cough and subsequent slamming door let her know he’d seen something and that warmed her with satisfaction. If she couldn’t have him, at least she could bother him, and that would have to do for now. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@theresyourfireandblood @backtobl4ck @leiawritesstories @morganofthewildfire @rowaelinismyotp @jorjy-jo @theresyourfireandblood @numbers-colors-fashion @swankii-art-teacher @whispers-in-the-darkest-heart  @stardelia @astra-ad-mare

[polaroidbills]

19. fake it 'til you make it

pairing! - non-idol!jungwon x fem!reader

synopsis! - inspired by reckless by madison beer - jungwon promised y/n to never break her already damaged heart, but can he really keep it?

word count! - 370

october 22, 2021

(y/n's pov)

the next morning i'm swollen and exhausted.

i can't bare going to school. but in order to heal, i must force myself to move on.

fake it 'til you make it.

i get dressed and make my way to school. a little earlier than him. so we don't have to walk together.

as i make my way to school i prepare myself.

i need to pretend. nothing happened. i'm fine. i moved on. it doesn't bother me.

as i enter the building, i smile. fake smile.

as i close my locker i see six boys surrond me.

"hi," i say smiling.

"hey y/n, look we wanted to apologize," jay starts off. all looking confused as to why i look so bright.

"apologize? don't even worry about it. it's in the past, i already forgot about it," i laugh it off.

"oh really?" heeseung responds.

"yeah don't even worry," i smile at them and walk away.

(jungwon's pov)

i wake up eyes puffy. i cried myself to sleep last night.

the scene of her opening the door looking all tired and sleep deprived.

it's my fault.

i did that to her.

i'm the reason why she feels that way.

as i get ready, i can't take my mind off her. i can't stop thinking about her.

i arrive at school and everyone's looking at me. i guess everyone knows now.

if looks could kill, i would be dead.

without looking anyone in the eye, with zero eye contact, i walk straight to my locker.

as i walk over, i see y/n surrounded by the friends.

i over hear what they say.

"hey y/n, look we wanted to apologize," i hear jay say.

"apologize? don't even worry about it. it's in the past, i already forgot about it."

huh?

"oh really?"

"yeah don't even worry."

i spot her smiling and walking away.

wow. i guess she really doesn't care.

but i'm confused.

yesterday she looked sad and hurt.

but now, she looks happy and cheerful. greeting everyone good morning and happily skipping to class.

maybe she really never cared. maybe she never actually loved me. did she move on that easily? that fast?

previous masterlist next

author's note! - happy new years 🪩

taglist 🏷️ @boowoowho @fadedluvv @hursheys @enhacolor @meeznoi

[callsign-magnolia]

I Hope You Dance // Ch. 25

MATURE CONTENT (18+)

A/N: This is cross posted to my Wattpad, so if this seems familiar that is why!

TW: Mental abuse, emotional abuse, slight physical abuse, death and loss.

Description: When Caila meets Rooster, sparks fly. But, she's already married, to a man who she thought loved her, and won't let her go. Rooster will fight for her, he just has to convince Caila to fight for herself.

Word Count: 7.9k

Chapter 24 | Masterlist

I spent that night awake, and when four a.m. came around again I realized I had officially been awake for days without any sleep at all. I decided to go on an early morning run on the beach, hoping I would finally wear myself out. Halfway through my run the right side of my head started hurting and I knew I had to get back to the house. The pain eased slightly when I got back, so I just took some over the counter meds instead of my prescription before getting in the shower. I took a long hot shower, trying to soothe my aching muscles and scrubbing myself clean. I still felt incredibly irritated, almost pissed at Rooster and I hated it. It made me want to smash my head into the wall. 

As I got out I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in days. I was paler and the dark circles under my bloodshot eyes were prominent. I had to get some sleep, I was bordering on dangerous if I didn't. I decided to crawl back in bed with Dahlia and hope for sleep, so as I curled against her warm body I tossed my arm over my eyes and laid still. I know I hurt Bradley last night, I hated that I did it but I was so angry in the moment. I feel like I'm going crazy and I just feel like everyone was calling me crazy last night. I've been through hell, but surely that didn't push me over the edge, right? 

I don't know how long I laid there but I finally moved when my phone rang. As I moved my arm, I saw the sun peeking through the curtains and I groaned as it made my head pound more. I leaned over, grabbing my phone and seeing a local number pop up. I immediately sat up, groaning in pain as I did and answered the call. "Hello?" I croaked. I probably sounded sick or something. "Lieutenant Motley. It's Admiral Simpson, how are you? You don't sound so good." I cleared my throat before answering, not wanting to sound worse than I am. "I just have a migraine. How can I help you Admiral?" I bit my lip, anticipating the news. "As of Monday your paperwork to be reinstated will be completed. I was just wondering if you were ready to come back?" I nodded to myself, excitement growing. "Absolutely. I am more than ready." 

"Good, we'll see you at 0600 on Monday morning." I kicked my legs in excitement. "Thank you, Admiral." We exchanged our goodbyes before I threw myself back on the bed, squealing in excitement. Suddenly I felt something wet, sitting up I looked down seeing mother nature made her appearance, a whole week late. "SON OF A BITCH!" I yelled out in anger, my excitement dying as I realized I now had to clean. I got up, ripping the sheets off the bed forcing Dahlia to get up before I dragged them downstairs and tossed them in the washer. The phone call was a distraction and as that faded I felt the pounding in my head again so I took another dose of meds, not caring how long it had been since my last dose. I went back upstairs getting back in the shower and scrubbing my body clean once again before putting on fresh clothes, basically one of Rooster's UVA shirts and underwear, pants or shorts are just too tight right now. 

I went back downstairs with my dirty clothes, putting the sheets in the dryer and the clothes in the washer before grabbing a water and tossing myself down onto the couch. I once again just laid there, sleep never coming like I hoped. Tear spilled down my cheeks in frustration. All I wanted was to sleep for days and I couldn't even sleep for five minutes and with a migraine coming on it just made me feel worse. I cried, hard. Hoping that would tire me out but it didn't, it only made me sick. I rushed into the downstairs bathroom, throwing up what little I had in my system. I cried as I leaned against the wall, just wanting things to go back to normal. When I was sure I wouldn't puke again I managed to crawl back into the living room, grabbing my phone and making my way upstairs. I went back into the bathroom, opening the drawer that I keep my feminine products and only finding one tampon left. "Fuck." 

Once I was finished in the bathroom and washed my hands I went and laid on the bed dialing Phoenix's number. "Hey, Magnolia. You okay?" I shook my head. "I'm out of tampons. Would you be the love of my life and grab me a box when you leave base?" She hummed. "Absolutely. Anything else?" I thought for a minute, a sharp pain passing through my lower abdomen. "A heating pad. I haven't been able to find mine since the move." I said rolling onto my stomach to ease the ache. "I can do that. Can you wait till we finish at four?" I nodded. "Yeah, I can. Door's unlocked. Thank you, Phoenix." I could practically hear her smile on the other side of the line. "You're welcome, Magnolia." With that I hung up, hoping that if anything the pain from my oncoming migraine would knock me unconscious. 

~~~

"Bradshaw!" Phoenix yelled at him, catching his attention as he climbed out of the cockpit of his jet. "I'm not up for a lecture, Phoenix." He said meeting her halfway across the hangar. "I just want to know why my best friend is ignoring me? You never gave Hangman and I an explanation last night when you said she was gone." He huffed, pushing past her but she stopped him by grabbing the helmet he had in his hand. "You don't get this back until I get an explanation." He glared at her, not up for her antics today. "I fucked up." Phoenix raised a brow at the vagueness he offered her. "Explain." She said and he sighed, moving his sunglasses from the bridge of his nose, up to his hair. 

"You know I asked her to move in, right?" She nodded, spinning the helmet in her hands. "I had been planning to renovate and we agreed to do it together before she officially moved in. I told her to wait for me to get home before she started, I told her it was because I didn't want her to hurt herself but really I wanted to be there when we started. We were tearing out all the things my parents did to that house, it was harder than I thought to start this process but when I got home..." He paused, catching his breath as sadness swelled in his chest. "Dammit, Phoenix. She had already taken the bedframe apart and ripped up over half of the carpet upstairs. Hell, she had even sanded the entire bedframe and stained it black." Phoenix raised a brow. "I'm confused. Did you not want those things done?"

Of course she was confused. Rooster meant everything to Magnolia, she wouldn't just go making changes unless she was sure he was on board. But from what Rooster had told her, she had been acting weird the last few days. "I did, I did. I just, it was overwhelming to walk in and see the house upside down. My parents boombox and a box of cassette tapes had been set on the mantle because she was listening to them. She found them in the closet along with some home videos my parents made." He had tears in his eyes as he spoke. "So what's the problem?" Phoenix asked trying to understand what drove them apart so suddenly. 

"I yelled at her. I told her she didn't get to come in and make changes, I told her it was my house and she could've caused some real damage and fuck up something." Phoenix's face fell, realizing Rooster did more than just hurt her feelings. He basically told her she was a fuck up, and that she couldn't do things right. Just like Aaron basically had for their entire relationship. "I also told her the house meant more to me than anything else." He said, running his hands over his face. There it was. He categorized her second, which probably hurt more than anything else he said. "I tried apologizing to her that night, I stood in front of her door for a whole hour just knocking and talking. I think she was there but I couldn't be sure, so I just left the food I brought home in front of her door. She opened the door and took it pretty quick and she sent me a thank you text but she wouldn't actually talk to me."

Phoenix just crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him as he beat himself up mentally and emotionally. "I can't function Phoenix. She became part of my every day life so fast, I woke up this morning still expecting her and Dahlia to be in the bed and neither of them were. Then her mom called me in a panic saying Mags yelled and cussed at her." Phoenix furrowed her brows. That was very strange behavior for Magnolia. She's always so kind with her mother, they may yell but she always makes it a point to never cuss at her mom and vice versa. "She was rambling on about how she thought she was having a manic episode." Phoenix felt like she stepped into another dimension. This wasn't the Magnolia she knew.

"Manic? Magnolia suffered from depression in her marriage but I've never heard of her having any form of mania. I think that usually comes with bipolar one." Rooster's eyebrows shot up. "That's why she was going on about not being crazy last night." He said, realizing why she was going on about it. "What?" "Last night, when I got to the hard deck. She was talking to Penny and she thought Mags should talk to someone. Then Mags said she hadn't been speaking to her therapist since before the uranium mission." Phoenix's eyebrows shot up. "No, she was supposed to be in therapy for a whole three years." Rooster looked to her confused. "It was something the doctor suggested after the accident. Her marriage is a lot of baggage to unpack so when she started seeing her therapist she recommended three years as a baseline to unpack everything." 

Rooster groaned, falling into a chair that sat next to him. "She thought we were calling her crazy and she kept going on about how she wasn't. We just wanted her to get help but she was flying off the handle." Phoenix was growing worried for her best friend, her unusual behavior setting off all the alarm bells in her head. "Did she say anything about hurting herself?" Rooster shook his head and glared at Phoenix. "I wouldn't have given her the option of being alone if she did. She just said she wanted to be alone and that I 'Shouldn't come knocking on her door.' as she put it." Phoenix nodded, sitting in the chair next to him. "I need to talk to her, apologize and help her but I have to have a reason to see her first. She won't answer the door otherwise." Phoenix hummed when suddenly her phone rang, and the name on the screen made her gasp. "It's her." She said standing and answering, Rooster basically pressed against her to listen to the conversation. 

The entire time, she was shoving Rooster off trying to get him to give her space. Until finally she hung up, Rooster looking at her with raised brows. "You have your in." She said as she put her phone in one of her pockets. "Her period hit. She needs tampons and a new heating pad." Rooster nodded enthusiastically, willing to do anything for her. "I told her I would get it after work. Do not screw this up because if you do then she'll hate us both." He nodded, pulling Phoenix into a hug. "Oh my god, thank you Phoenix." She smiled and hugged her back. "Go the extra mile and get her favorite dish from that Italian place she loves, she loves carbs on her period." Rooster nodded and turned away before she stopped him again. "I don't think her behavior is being caused by mother nature dropping in. I still think there's something else there." He nodded, his grim features matching her. "Me too."

With that he went about his day, ready to just be done with the day. He just wanted to go home and take care of his girl, after days apart he just wanted to be in her presence. He got what she needed from the drugstore, along with a KitKat bar before heading off to the Italian restaurant and getting the food before going and getting her a simple bouquet of roses from the florist. He sped home, hoping to see her as soon as possible. His smile made his face ache as he grabbed everything making his way to her door. He debated on knocking but if she felt bad then maybe she left it unlocked, she told him she tends to do that so people can come in if they need, not that he agrees that it's safe. 

He slowly opened the door to the spotless house, looking around for her hoping he would see her before she had the chance to run him out. "Mags." He called out gently, trying not to be too loud in case she was asleep. He set the food and flowers on the coffee table, taking the bag with the tampons and heating pad upstairs with him. He peeked into her room, expecting to see her in bed but nothing, he even looked in her bathroom. His concern started growing when he didn't see her anywhere upstairs. As he came back down stairs he noticed Dahlia jumping up and down. "Hey, big girl." He said attempting to pet her but all she did was throw her head around and make her way towards the kitchen. 

He followed her, confused as to why she wouldn't let him pet her. He followed her into the kitchen, his heart stopping at the sight before him. It was only Magnolia's bare legs from her mid-thighs down but from what he could see it seemed she was face down on the floor. His body immediately reacted, sliding on his knees till he was next to her body. "Magnolia!" He called frantically, checking for a pulse and finding one but it was faint. He looked around finding a bunch of pills in the floor and a spot that looked like she vomited up stomach acid. "No. No. No. Magnolia! Please! You gotta wake up for me!" He panicked, pulling her into his arms as he leaned against her cabinets. 

He pulled out his phone, fumbling it into the floor multiple times before he finally picked it up and dialed 911. "911, what's your emergency?" He cleared his throat trying to make sure the operator could hear him clearly. "I'm at 423 Oceanside Lane in Miramar, I found my girlfriend unconscious and I think she took a bunch of her migraine pills." Saying the words out loud made him feel sick and partly responsible. "Okay sir, what's your girlfriends name?" He choked on a sob as her head rolled back in his arms, her face showing nothing but peace. "Caila Motley. Lieutenant Caila Motley." The operator hummed in acknowledgement. "Okay and do you know the exact name of the pills she took and how high the dosage was?" 

"It's Sum-something. Suma-" "Sumatriptan?" He nodded. "That's it and it's fifty milligrams a pill." He jostled Magnolia slightly, hoping she would wake up. "Okay and does she have a heart beat?" He set the phone down, finding the faint heartbeat in her neck before grabbing the phone again. "Yeah, it's faint but it's there." "Good, I have an ambulance en route. Do you want me to stay on the line?" He shook his head. If these were his last moments with her then he wanted it to just be him and her, he had things to say, things he needed her to hear. "No, thank you." They hung up and he tossed his phone to the floor immediately making sure Magnolia was wrapped up in both of his arms. 

"I'm sorry, Mags. I never should've said those things to you. It's just a house but you, you mean everything to me pretty girl. I never thought of living in a world without you, but I now realize I can't do it." This tears were a constant stream on his cheeks, his own words making him realize how dire this situation truly is. "I was considering proposing you know? My mom's sister still has a house in Virginia that has some of my stuff still in it. When she came home from Paris I wanted to go and get my mom's wedding ring. You'd love it. It's gold with a beautiful pear shaped diamond in it. Nothing could match your beauty though." He grabbed her left hand, bring her fingers up for a kiss. "It'd look perfect on your hand, where it belongs." He looked back at her blank face as more tears slipped out, a few falling onto her face which he wiped away. "I should've been here, I should've tried harder. I love you, pretty girl. Even if you hate me, I will always love you." He whispered as he shifted her body, checking her pulse again, a sigh of relief escaping as he felt the faint beating. 

He buried his face in her hair, placing a kiss to it as he heard the sirens making Dahlia rise from her guarding position next to Rooster. "Down, Dahls." The black Great Dane listened, taking her place next to Rooster her ears still up and pointed at the front door. "They're here to help you, honey. We're gonna get you help and everything is gonna be okay." He heard the door open and a voice call out. "Miramar EMS!" He leaned over to be visible from the front door. "We're in here." 

Medics and an officer rushed in, back to the kitchen where Rooster still held her limp body. "She still has a heart beat." He said and they nodded, rolling her out of his arms and onto her back on the floor. "What's her name?" One medic asked as the officer pulled Bradley to the side. "Caila Motley." Rooster watched them work, taking her vitals and such when suddenly one pulled out smelling salts. "Hey, that's not protocol." His partner called out as he opened the smelling salts, waving them under Magnolia's nose. "I don't think she OD'd." The other said when suddenly she started coughing.

Rooster's hands fell to his knees, holding himself up as he sobbed. "You woke me up." She cried out, tears streaming down her face. "Miss Motley, can you tell us where you are?" She continued to cry as Rooster pushed away from the officer, going to her. Falling on his knees next to her, taking her face in his hand. "Bradley?" He nodded, brushing some loose hairs back into her short ponytail. "It's me, pretty girl. Can you tell the medics where you are?" Her eyes flitted around before she looked to the medics. "My kitchen." She said as she started crying again. "Why are you so upset, ma'am?" One asked as she continued to cry. "You woke me up!" She sounded so pitiful, the sound almost making Rooster's heart break in two. "Why is that such a bad thing?" The other asked and she shot up into a sitting position. "I haven't slept in over sixty fucking hours! That's why!" Rooster grabbed her, holding her to his chest as he tried to calm her. 

"Were you purposefully sleeping on the floor, miss Motley?" The officer asked confused and she scoffed. "Of course not." The medics motioned for her to stand, Bradley helping her into a chair. "Then why were you in the floor?" Rooster asked and she looked down at her hands that were resting on top of the island. "I passed out." Rooster's face paled at her words. "Do you know how that happened?" She nodded, her eyes welling with tears. "I have a migraine. I went to take one of my pills for it when I thought I saw someone walking by the doorway there." She said pointing to the kitchen doorway. Rooster's blood ran cold, the door had been unlocked and anyone could've walked in off the street. His hands gripped the back of the chair, his knuckles turning white at the thought of someone else being in here with her while she was alone. 

"It startled me and I dropped the bottle and the pills went everywhere. I bent down too fast and got sick, the room was spinning and I still felt sick so I decided to lay on the ground to calm myself and wound up falling asleep, finally." The medics nodded. "Do you mind if I take a look around? Just to be safe." Magnolia sighed, rubbing her forehead but nodded anyway. "Be my guest. I'm sure it was a hallucination though." The officer nodded, walking away as the medics decided to check her for a concussion. Once they were done they packed up. "Everything seems fine. But I would recommend going to the doctor about the not sleeping and your moods." She rolled her eyes but nodded anyway. 

"I'll walk you guys out." Rooster said before following the medics to the front door. "Thank you guys, seriously." They nodded, shaking his hand as the officer joined them. "Looks all clear to me." He thanked him as one of the medics spoke up. "It really seems like she may be having a manic episode. I would take her to the doctor first thing tomorrow morning." He sighed but nodded. They left and he shut the door. How was he supposed to get her to the doctor? She'll surely refuse to go and he can't trick her, she'd never trust him again. He turned and grabbed the food before he walked back into the kitchen, seeing her with her head on the counter. "Huh, you're still here." She quipped and he couldn't help the small smile that grew on his face. "I'm not going anywhere." 

He looked down at the floor, seeing the pills were still there. "I'll clean this up and then we'll get you a shower and you can eat the food I brought." He said reaching to brush some hair from her face when she leaned away, making his heart crack slightly. "It's my house, I'll clean it up." She muttered but as she went to stand from the chair he blocked her, causing her to fall back into the seat. "Okay, stop. What I said was harsh and I'm sorry. I never should've said any of those things to you." She hung her head, fiddling with her fingers. "I was wrong. It's not my house, it's ours now. It was the second we discussed you moving in. But you can't keep shutting me out, Mags. I'm not going to let you." She picked her head up, avoiding his gaze as ore tears streamed down her face. 

"I'm so sorry for hurting you. I should've told you from the beginning but I wasn't worried about you hurting yourself." Her head snapped to him, her brows furrowed in anger or confusion. "It was hard to think about the house changing and I wanted to be there when we started. I still hadn't come to terms with the renovation, so when I walked in it was just all so overwhelming but it's no excuse for what I said." She stared into his eyes as he spoke, looking for any possible lies. "Why didn't you tell me the truth?" He shrugged. "I was worried you'd think I was weak for wanting to hold onto something like that." Her eyes immediately softened, one of her hands coming up to rest on his cheek. "Oh, Roo, no. They were your parents, there's nothing wrong with wanting to hold onto those memories." 

Tears flowed down his cheeks once again at the feeling of her soft hands on his face. They were much smaller than his but cradled his face well. He leaned into her touch as she placed a soft kiss to his chin. "I'm sorry, Roo. I've been such a bitch these past two days and-" "No you haven't." She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Yes I have. I just feel like I'm losing my mind here. I have all this energy, my moods are all over the place and I literally haven't slept in almost sixty-two hours. Something's wrong with me Rooster and I feel like I'm slipping." He pursed his lips, nodding as his forehead rested on hers. "We're going to get you some help, Mags. I promise." She took a shaky breath, scared at the simple thought of walking into a doctor's office. 

"Bradley, what if they diagnose me with something that pulls me from flying? I don't know how to do anything else. I would lose everything." A sob racked her body as he pulled her into his chest, placing a soft kiss to her forehead as she cried. "Hey, hey. No you won't, the team will always be here. I will always be here. We will figure something out, you won't be alone in this." She sobbed some more as he rocked her body back and forth until she finally calmed down. "Now, I'm going to clean this up. You're going to shower and then I'm going to feed you." She hiccupped, sitting up so she wasn't leaning against him anymore. "I need a few things that Phoenix was bringing." He scratched the back of his neck, scrunching his face at her. "That's why I'm here."

She stared at him in confusion for a minute. "I knew you wouldn't talk to me without a reason so she told me to get the stuff you needed and bring it here." His hands came up to cradle her face when he thought about her lying on the floor, his heart breaking all over again. "So many things ran through my mind when I saw you on the floor. But when I saw all those pills, I really thought I had lost you." She shook her head. "I'd never do that. I'm sorry that I scared you." He shook his head. "Don't apologize, honey." They held each other for a few more minutes before they pulled away. "Alright, go get your shower. I'll clean up and reheat the food I brought." She nodded, standing and slowly making her way upstairs. Rooster quickly picked up the pills, tossing them in the trash before cleaning the floor. 

~~~

The shower felt nice, more relaxing than anything else the last few days. I ran my hands through my hair, rinsing the shampoo out as the bathroom door opened. "Mags?" I hummed in response, his voice bringing me comfort. "Mind if I join? I'm still sweaty from training." I smiled at his question. "Yeah." I said almost too quietly. I heard him strip and I faced the shower head as he got in. I felt him carefully place a kiss on my shoulder as I washed my face, his hands gently landing on my waist. "This okay?" I nodded before turning to face him. "Why did you come back?" I asked, sliding my hands up his chest until they rested on his shoulders. 

He pulled me closer till our bodies were touching, his lips landing on my forehead. "Why wouldn't I?" He asked before grabbing my conditioner. "I was awful to you. That first night I just needed to be alone but the next day I was so angry with you and this morning too. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again." He chuckled, his hands cradling my face. "Honey, I'm here for the long haul. I'm not going anywhere." I leaned my head on his chest as I cried. "I'm sorry, Bradley." He kissed my head, rocking me back and forth. "I'll always forgive you, pretty girl. Now come on, let's finish in here. I think I just came up with another surprise for you." I wiped the tears from my face as he started running the conditioner through my short hair. 

"You don't have to do anything for me Bradley, you've done so much today." He shook his head. "No, you're gonna love it." He said pecking my cheek. We finished our shower and I put on another one of his shirts before going downstairs. I walked in to see him put the pasta in a skillet to reheat it. "Uh uh, go sit." I furrowed my brows. "I'm not doing anything." He shook his head. "But I know you will. Now, that's heating up but you are going to park your pretty self on the couch." He said wrapping his arms around my waist, picking me up and carrying me to the couch. "Dahlia!" He called, patting the couch, encouraging her to jump onto the couch and lay her head in my lap. 

"Stay here, pretty girl." He took off our my front door, leaving it open and I looked to Dahlia with furrowed brows. "What just happened, Dahlia?" I asked her confused, she just groaned and laid across my lap. After a minute he came back in with the box of home movies and the VCR. "What are you doing?" I asked, giggling as he juggled the box. "My parents aren't here, so I'm going to do the next best thing to introduce you to my parents." He said tossing me a wink before he sat on the floor in front of the tv. "Need some help?" He shook his head. "Nope." I watched as he hooked everything up, and pulled out a tape. 

"Let me get dinner and we'll play this." I nodded as he disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me to my thoughts. I still felt awful but to have a man like Bradley who decided to stick around through my craziness? If that's not god's work I don't know what is. After a few minutes he came back in, two plates in hand as well as a migraine pill and some water. "Dahlia, off." She slinked off the couch, meandering over to her bed, basically throwing herself into it. "I have never met a dog with more personality." Rooster said as he handed me my plate and meds. "She gets it from her mama." I said grinning at him. I took my meds as he sat down, pulling my feet over, tucking my toes under his thighs. He knows how cold I get and my toes always stay cold, so I'm always tucked into him in some way. 

"Now, let me show you this." He said turning on the VCR and starting the tape. "Oh, finally!" A blonde woman yelled into the camera. She had light blue eyes and short blonde hair, her voice was loud which made me smile. "NICK!" She yelled, turning the camera around. "Honey. You'll wake him up." I immediately choked on my food as I heard his voice. Rooster paused the tv and patted my back. "Honey, hey. You okay?" I took a deep breath as I cleared my throat. "We have to get there before they do. Increase speed." "We got you, Mav. Don't wait for me." "Sir, Daggers, two and four are behind schedule." I don't think I have felt religious or prayed in years, but in that moment I didn't know what else to do, so I simply bowed my head. I listened and said a silent prayer in my head, but four little words made me perk up. "Talk to me, dad." 'It'll be okay, Caila.' I shook my head. I didn't recognize the voice, it wasn't booming and thunderous as most people claim God to be. It sounded caring, strong, comforting. "Come on, kid. Don't think, just do."

"Mags." He called and I looked to him. "You'll think I'm genuinely crazy if I tell you." He shook his head, pulling me closer to kiss my forehead. "I'll never think you're crazy, just tell me." He said as he took my hand in his. "On the mission when you got behind schedule, I didn't know what else to do so I started praying." He nodded as he listened intently. "When I did, you said, 'Talk to me, dad.' and I heard this... voice. It said 'It'll be okay, Caila.' and I thought it was maybe a voice I created in my head, or god but that's highly doubtful." He nodded, squeezing my hand. I stared at the tv, a tall man with blonde a hair and brown eyes stood with the tiniest baby in his arms. "I think it was your dad." I said falling back into the couch. "You think my dad told you it would all be okay?" I nodded. "It sounds ridiculous. You know, just pretend I didn't say that." 

I felt ridiculous telling my boyfriend his dad that's been dead since 1986, spoke to me through some supernatural form of communication. "Mags, my dad is dead, he has been for a long time." I nodded. "I know and now I feel like shit for bringing it up." He set his plate down on the coffee table, pulling me into him. "No, don't feel bad. It doesn't seem so ridiculous." I furrowed my brows at him. "Once in a while when I'm struggling I think I hear my mom. But she hasn't been gone as long as dad." I stared down at my plate. "I don't think your crazy." I shrugged. "I do. This is the first time I've ever seen a video of your dad or heard his voice. How do you explain it?" He shrugged, pursing his lips. 

"Maybe he was just telling you it was going to be okay. It did turn out okay, didn't it?" I stared at him, surprised he wasn't upset with me. "After I felt like I was dying, I guess it did." He chuckled and played the video. "He spent almost ten months with me, if he's not used to my loud voice now then he never will be." We laughed at his mother's words. She moved closer, zooming in on the babies face. "Hi Bradley." My bottom lip jutted out as I looked at baby Bradley. "Oh my god you were adorable." He chuckled as we continued to watch his parents dote on him. We watched a few more videos, his first steps, his first words, his first birthday. Then he took our dishes to the kitchen while I picked out another tape. I grabbed an unmarked one and put it in and pressed play. 

It was a video of Nick and Carol, smiling into the camera. "Hi baby! So, it's your wedding day. We wanted to make this video for you now, to remind you how much we love you and we have a few words for you and whatever woman decided to marry our amazing boy!" I immediately turned it off and pulled it out, not wanting to spoil it. If we ever got married, I wanted this video to be a surprise for both of us. I grabbed a random one and popped it in as he came back, a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream in hand and two spoons. I smiled at him, rushing over and sitting next to him. "What'd you put in?" I shrugged, realizing I really didn't pay attention. "I really don't know, I just grabbed one." I said as I grabbed the pint from him. He hit play, before pulling my legs over his, gently rubbing my calves. 

Cheering started on the tv, a video showing Bradley standing on home plate at a high school baseball field. "Oh shit, this is my senior year, we made it all the way to the championships." I watched, Carol's cheering drowning out every other voice around her making me giggle. "I can see why our parent's got along, our mom's voice sat on the same decibel." He laughed loudly at my words. I watched as the Bradley on the tv swung the bat, connecting with the ball and the cheers turned to screaming. "GO BABY! GO! GO! GO!" Carol's voice screamed out as Bradley took off in a sprint. He cleared every base, diving chest first onto home plate. More cheers erupted and the camera shook as everyone around Carol jostled around. The team lifted Bradley up, carrying him across the field, making us laugh. 

The video shut off and cut back on as Carol walked towards Bradley in the dugout. "You're daddy would be so proud." She said as she pulled him into a hug. "I know, mom." I got a good look at his face, smiling  at the sight. He was adorable with his flushed cheeks, and baby face. I looked to him, admiring the difference. "What?" I smiled at him. "You looked so cute, all baby faced!" I said pinching his cheek. He pushed my hand away, smiling at me. "Imagine if we met in high school." I laughed loudly as he stared at me. "What?" I looked to him, his confused face making him look adorable. "Did you forget we have a nine year age gap?" HIs eyebrows shot up as if he remembered. "Oh shit, so you were in like the third grade when I was a high school senior." 

"This just took a weird turn." He said, looking to me. "We're both adults now and I'll be thirty next year... I'll be thirty next year!" I yelled out, realizing I was almost thirty. He laughed at me eating more ice cream. "You're getting old." I glared at him. "Sir, that means you will be one year shy of forty next year." His face fell and he capped the ice cream, launching himself across the couch and tackling me, tickling my sides. "Tired yet?" He asked when he stopped, still laying on me. I shook my head, my mood souring. "No." He sat up, pulling me with him so he was laying on his back and I was on his chest. "What if I don't sleep tonight?" I asked as he ran his fingers through my still damp hair. "Then I guess I'll tire you out." I raised a brow at him. "You realize I-" "We'll lay down a towel, it'll be okay." 

We spent the next few hours cuddling on the couch, his hands running up and down my back, trying to soothe me to sleep but it didn't work. I didn't feel like I was bursting at the seams with energy but I still wasn't sleepy. "Come on, let's get you in the bed." He said standing and pulling me with him. He held my hand all the way upstairs, where I brushed my teeth before laying in the bed. He was sitting up in the bed, not under the covers and just watching me. "Are you not laying down?" I asked and he raised a brow at me. "Do you want me to stay?" I nodded. "I think you not being here is part of the reason I haven't been sleeping. So yes, I want you to stay." He smiled at me before getting up and going to brush his teeth. 

The room was dark, usually that wouldn't bother me, as I prefer to sleep in the pitch black but tonight it did bother me. I heard something move over towards my closet, my eyes darting over to that corner. It was noise traveling from the bathroom it had to be, there was no other explanation for it. I kept my eyes on the corner, not able to look away. I continued to stare when I thought I saw a hand come out from under the closet door. I jumped over, turning on the lamp just as Bradley came out of the bathroom. "You okay?" He asked. I stared at the closet, waiting for something else to happen. 

He turned to where I was staring, before going over and throwing the door open. He flipped on the light finding nothing. "Did you see something?" He asked coming out, turning off the light and closing the door. I took a deep breath, fiddling with my fingers as I stared at the quilt on my bed. "Hey." I felt him crawl on the bed, taking a seat next to me as he turned my face to look at him. "You're not crazy. You said earlier you haven't slept in over sixty hours, that messes with your mind. If we can get you some sleep, you'll get better." I shook my head. "I'm not tired. How am I not tired? I shouldn't even be able to stand on my own." He shook his head as I started getting stressed. "Mags. Do you want me to take you to a hospital or something?" I shook my head as he brushed some hair from my face. "No, I really won't sleep there." 

"What do you want me to do?" He asked as his hand rested on my thigh. "Hold me?" He nodded, turning off the lamp and climbing in bed behind me. "You'll be okay, Mags. I've got you." He whispered as his arms wrapped around me, pulling me back into his chest. "I love you, pretty girl." He said before placing a soft kiss to the back of my neck. "I love you too, Roo." I replied as more tears streamed down my face. I laid there with my eyes closed, listening to his breathing, trying to focus on it and match it. I tried that for a while and it didn't work. I finally opened my eyes and wished I hadn't, I saw a shadow in the corner. I watched as it grew taller and taller, I knew I was hallucinating and decided to roll over and bury my face in Rooster's chest. Thankful he was there with me tonight, to help keep me sane. 

His hands shifted, one on my back the other running through my hair. I laid there breathing in his scent, it calming me down. My foot itched and I used my other foot to scratch it, not wanting to shift away from Rooster for fear I'd see something. It itched again and I was getting frustrated, scratching it. I laid there a while longer until something that felt like a hand touched my calf, making me jolt. "Hey. Shh, I got you." Rooster's sleepy voice spoke out, his arms pulling me closer. I curled my legs up, sticking my feet between his legs to keep them warm. I laid there and suddenly my body felt heavier and I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I tried to keep my breathing steady, not wanting to get excited about the oncoming drowsiness. 

"Magnolia." I buried my face in Rooster's chest, hoping he would stop saying my name. "Magnolia." It was a little louder now, so I hummed in response hoping he would stop and let me slip back into a peaceful state. "Magnolia." My head snapped up, ready to rip him a new one for keeping me awake when I heard soft snores escaping his lips. Please be sleep talking, please be sleep talking. I silently prayed, hoping he was just calling out for me in his sleep. I stared at his lips carefully, watching for any movement. "Magnolia." It was the same volume as the last one and I clenched my eyes shut, Rooster's lips never moved, in fact a louder snore escaped him as my name was called. "Nope. uh-uh." I muttered as I ever so carefully got out of bed, quietly going downstairs and into the kitchen. I pulled out the jar of Russian tea I kept, and putting some water on to boil. 

Dahlia wandered in, looking up at me in confusion. "What is wrong with me?" I asked her, she simply groaned and wandered back into the living room. I listened as her nails clicked on the hardwood until finally she groaned, telling me she laid down in her bed. I made my tea when the water was hot, sipping on it as I stood there under the light from the stove. I looked around, on high alert for anything that moved and finally something did, a shadow in the kitchen doorway. Just like the one that scared me shitless earlier. I stared in fear, as it slowly walked across the doorway, disappearing on the other side. "Mags." I heard a whisper and a sob racked my body. "Leave me alone." I muttered, setting my mug down on the counter as I covered my eyes with my free hand. I heard footsteps coming closer and I shoved myself back into the counter. "Mags." It was more clear this time and I cried, pleading with my mind to stop. It was all hallucinations, visual and auditory. 

"Mags." A had landed on my arm and I let out a scream as I jumped. "Mags, it's me." Rooster said as he grabbed my arms, keeping me from hitting him. "Mags, we have to get you some help." I nodded as he pulled me into him. "I thought you were a hallucination." He sighed and rubbed my back, rocking our bodies. "No, I'm really here, honey. What made you get up?" I sighed. "I thought I saw something in the corner. I told myself it was a hallucination and rolled over so I was facing you, then it felt like someone laid their hand on my leg which made me jump, and then something that sounded like you said my name when I was almost asleep. I thought you were sleep talking but you weren't, so I got up and came down here." He sighed, pulling me closer to him, tucking my head under his chin. "I didn't wake you, did I?" He quickly shook his head. "No, not at all. I guess I could just tell you weren't in the bed and your spot was cold. I got worried so I came looking for you. I thought you might've left or something." I shook my head. 

"No, I'm here." He sighed, pressing his lips to my forehead. "I'm taking the day off tomorrow, and I'm taking you to the doctor." I shook my head. "You don't have to, Bradley. I can take myself."  He shook his head. "Mm, no you can't. You shouldn't be driving so I will take you first thing in the morning." I sighed, knowing I wouldn't win and not having the energy to argue. "Thank you, Roo. I appreciate it." He nodded, kissing my head. "I'll always be here, Mags." Suddenly he picked me up bridal style. "Now, come on. Let's see if we can't get you to sleep." He took me back upstairs, laying me in the bed before crawling in and pulling my head into his chest. While I still didn't sleep, I kept my ear to his chest, his heartbeat drowning out all other noises and allowing me to at least lie next to him in peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:

@mak-32 @rosiahills22 @dhwanishah09

[multiphandommess]

Grievances

Requested by @wosoobsessed

Request - Hi, would you maybe be able to do a bit of an angsty one with Natasha? I lost my mum earlier this year. So maybe the reader's mum passes away and Natasha is just the best partner and comforts her through the Journey of her grief and like holds her while she cries. And goes with her to the funeral. Sorry if this is too sad you don’t have to do it I 100% understand if this isn’t the stuff you would want to write 😂😂But thank you anyway!!

I sat there in shock. I got the phone call everyone dreads, the call from someone letting you know a loved one has passed. My mother, a kind and funny woman, had passed on earlier today, and after getting a call from my sister, my world was crushed. The tears hadn’t set in yet, I was still processing the words that I had been told. Natasha was wrapping up filming for Poker Face season 1 in upstate New York. I wanted to text her, ask her to come back to the apartment with a bottle of liquor and a box of tissues, and fall into her arms. However, I felt bad doing that. It was only 10 a.m. and she had left at 7. This meant that there was most likely a 12-hour shoot day today and that she wouldn’t be home until 11 or midnight. So, I did the next best thing, I drove to the store, got some booze, and came home and cried. And watched sad movies, and cried. It was about 10 pm and I had a lot to drink. I wasn’t on another planet or anything cliche, but I wasn’t sober. And that's how Natasha found me, lying on the couch, staring off into space and mumbling to myself. “Hi Natty!” I slurred. Natasha looked shocked at my state, “Baby? What, uh, what happened?” The question made me remember why I got so drunk in the first place. This time, the tears came. I couldn’t stop them, they just kept pouring down my face. This reaction shocked Natasha, even more. “Ok, ok. Let’s get you to bed, ok honey? We can talk in the morning.” The next thing I knew, I was waking up in our shared bed with a killer hangover. After I emptied my stomach of the booze, I sat down on the bed next to an expectant Natasha. “So, do you wanna tell me what last night was all about? I brought home some beers to celebrate filming wrapping, but when I got home you were 2 sheets to the wind,” Natasha said, looking at me worried. “Nat…I…just…here,” I couldn’t get the words out, so typed it into my phone and handed it to my fiance. I was on the verge of tears again as I waited for her reaction. She didn’t say anything, she just pulled me into her and held me. I cried in her arms for a while. To be honest, I’m not sure how much time passed. All I know is that when I was done, it was no longer morning. We had spent the day cuddling, crying, and sleeping. 

“Darling? Are you hungry? I can hear your stomach rumbling,” Natasha said, after multiple hours of grieving. I nodded my head, my throat sore. “What would you like to eat?” She asked again. I only shrugged my shoulders, not currently wanting to make a decision. “Does pizza sound good?” Once again, I only nodded. I got up and made myself look a little more presentable and walked to meet Nat by the door. She took my hand and walked us to her car. 

I got in the car and she did too. As she drove, I decided to finally speak. “I’m sorry, bub,” I said, looking at my lap. I felt bad. I felt like I had been clingy and just overall annoying. 

“No, no. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Why would you think that? You’re grieving over the loss of someone who was a giant part of your life. You can be as sad as you want. I’m going to take some time off and I’m going to be with you, ok? Because I don’t want you to think that this is something to be ashamed of. Feeling like this, feeling emotional, even feeling numb, is all a part of the process of grief. Please understand that you don’t have anything to be ashamed of.” Natasha reassured me. I almost cried out of relief. “Really?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around the kindness and acceptance of my partner. She nodded as we pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

“I promise, hon. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you shouldn’t feel weak. Now, I’m gonna go in and get our food. Want your normal?” She asked. After I told her what I wanted, she walked into the store. I was still feeling lost without my mom. She was the kind of woman everyone looked up to. She was a head-turner, yet she put kindness before looks. Even though I knew it would be hard to navigate this world in this new normal without her, I knew that Natasha would help and support me through my grievances.

[junipercreeps]

🔖 Day Eight - Dark Days

When I woke up, I initially didn't know why I was staring directly at a sparkling river. After a few seconds, I realized what had happened last night.

The painkiller had eventually made me so tired that I must have fallen asleep in the middle of my conversation with Alaric. I felt his warmth behind me – not overly close, but still noticeably nearby.

Slowly, I turned around. He had rolled up his blanket and placed it between us, a small barrier of modesty. That touched me for a moment. However, in the next, I wondered if he was doing it to be respectful or if he didn't want to get too close to my body to avoid creating a false impression.

He had comforted me after I had processed the initial shock of the coven and the fact that we were descended from witches. The idea that someone in my family should possess magic seemed absurd. But Alaric showed me. He placed his hands on mine, and I saw all the things that had been hidden from me for nearly two decades.

How he grew up and felt that he was different. The same feeling, I had experienced when I was his age. He explained that during puberty, our magic and our body's hormones fought each other – humans against witchcraft. And he also told me that people subconsciously sensed it. They avoided us, even though there was no logical explanation for them. The natural instinct of humans had been trained for many centuries to see witches as a threat, that magic was not intended by nature.

And nobody in my family had seen fit to tell me. When I cried myself to sleep at night because my friends conspired against me, when my teacher, who always supported me, suddenly no longer wanted to see me, and didn't give me any of her homemade oatmeal cookies.

My parents remained silent.

And I fell asleep with a single question on my lips and woke up this morning:

Why?

Why did they leave me in the dark?

Alaric was still asleep. I watched him lying there with one arm over his head and the other bent on his stomach.

His shirt had shifted slightly upward, and the piece of skin between his waistband and the hem of his shirt already made me turn my head away. I had never touched another person intimately. Sam had tried with me, but we never went beyond innocent kisses or holding hands – how could we when his body sensed that we didn't belong together?

I looked at the Cherwell River. A few ducks swam peacefully from left to right, dipping their heads underwater every few inches. As quietly as I could, I freed myself from the second blanket that Alaric had left for me and gently placed it over his legs. Then, I stood up carefully and walked to the window to observe the mist and the nature in Oxford.

Somewhere among the small turrets and rooftops was my dormitory. My phone was there. I couldn't wait to call my parents and ask them why they hadn't told me the truth about our family heritage.

"June?"

Alaric had awakened and stretched.

"Hi, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

But he shook his head. "You didn't. I didn't even notice that you got up. How are you?"

I shrugged and replied, "I don't know. And you?"

He smiled. "I'm fine. I'm glad you came to me yesterday."

I furrowed my brow. "Yes? Why's that?"

Ophelia's words came back to me.

Alarics new toy?

I wasn't anyone's toy.

"Because I wanted to get to know you. I mean, you caught Corbin and Audrey making out in the library and didn't tell anyone. Nowadays, it's rare to find people who can keep a secret. Human beings who are loyal."

"I'm apparently not a human being." I said with a bitter tone in my voice.

He approached me, stood beside me, and we gazed into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity.

"Are they really siblings?" I asked at some point, and he nodded. It all seemed so surreal to me.

"Maybe they should see a therapist," I commented, and Alaric laughed.

"I don't find it funny. Corbin has a girlfriend, right? That's not fair," I said, looking at Alaric again. I wanted to know what he thought. How he reacted.

"Ophelia and Corbin have known each other for a long time. Her family is very influential, but they don't belong to us. Corbin is trying to win her over for us, but she's kind of special. I think that's the only reason he got together with her. He has always truly loved Audrey. And she loved him."

I furrowed my brow and briefly thought about what Alaric had told me. Ophelia's words also echoed in my mind. She said something about how Samuin wasn't the only one with answers.

"Does she belong to another coven?" I asked.

He nodded. "Samuin is fighting for something. Our families want to strengthen and support each other. Ophelia's coven is trying to keep us down. They're afraid we're superior to them."

"Sounds strange," I remarked, and Alaric said, "I know. But the more you get to know everyone, the faster everything falls into place."

So, we stood in silence next to each other. I thought about Corbin and Audrey. I had never seen two people so into each other.

"Can I borrow your clothes? I'd like to go back to the dormitory, and I'm sure I'd attract some attention in a bathrobe and sneakers."

I looked like a child wearing oversized clothes from my siblings, but it was better than going back in a bathrobe and sneakers.

"Sure. I'll pick them up later if you like."

I thought for a moment but then nodded. After putting on my shoes and looking at each other with Alaric, I took a deep breath and walked toward him.

I hugged him. Surprise was clearly visible on his face, but he joined in the hug. He hugged me lightly, and I thanked him softly—for the answers, for the pill, for making me feel less alone.

"Anytime, June."

"See you later," I said and left his apartment.

Outside, it was just as cold as the night before. I held my crumpled bathrobe close to me and walked from Sinister House back toward the dormitory. I encountered a few joggers and an elderly couple with two greyhounds.

Shortly after re-entering the official campus, I spotted Ophelia. She sat opposite the entrance of my dormitory on a bench. Next to her was a bag from the bakery and a cup of coffee in her hand. Although I only saw the back of her head, I recognized the trench coat and those beautiful, shiny black hair.

"Hey. Are you waiting for me?"

She turned around and looked surprised at my clothes. The bathrobe in my arms.

"Had a wild night?" she asked, ignoring my words.

"No. And you?"

She sighed in response and took a sip from her cup. I wasn't sure if I should sit down or rather if I wanted to sit down.

"What did you want to tell me yesterday before your friend interrupted us?" I asked.

She was pointing to the empty seat beside her, but I remained standing.

She raised one of her perfect black eyebrows and mumbled, "Okay, then." She took another sip and seemed to contemplate how to start.

"In essence, it's quite simple, June. There are covens that want to promote coexistence with humans, and there are covens working to restore a long-forgotten order."

"Good and evil, you mean?" I asked, and she responded with a muffled, "Hmm mmm."

Did that mean Samuin were the bad ones?

"None of you visited me when I needed it." I stated plainly.

Nowadays, it's rare to find people who can keep a secret. Human beings who are loyal.

Alaric had said that. And now, I was supposed to betray him not twenty minutes later?

"What do you mean? We can't just visit you and recruit you for our coven when you're still under the influence of your parents. They've been part of Samuin for decades. Your whole family."

Ophelia sounded partly amused, partly confused. She couldn't know that I had only found out a few hours ago who I was.

Who my family was.

"If you want to inspire someone for your cause, you shouldn't show up only after others have done the groundwork." I said.

She furrowed her brow. "Groundwork? You mean because Alaric told you a few stories? I'm already on the edge just by talking to you, June. You have no idea what's been going on here for centuries. You don't know who Samuin is, do you? Who Beltane is? Who I am?"

She had stood up and studied me.

"Did you see anything after the initiation? The Jaga tree perhaps?" she asked softly. Her dark eyes sparkled curiously, just like Alaric's had last night.

But I shook my head and said, "I saw the Mother of the Night."

We looked at each other. I observed her struggling with herself.

"If I would ask you to come with me, to a place where we can talk undisturbed, would you say yes?"

Alaric's face appeared in my mind. Corbin and Audrey. How they loved each other – that unconditional love. Alaric had almost asked me if I was okay with it during the ritual.

The answer shattered one part of me and awakened another.

Samuin would be my home.

"No. I'll stay right here." I replied to Ophelia, and after a moment of disappointment that showed on her face, she said quietly:

"These are dark days for Beltane. Dark days for humanity."

[eight-bullets-for-you]

not les mis related-this concerns mcyt

i know this isn’t a mcyt acct so i’m sorry if this doesn’t interest u, but i won’t tolerate any hate

cw: talk of death, talk of cancer, technoblade’s passing

i had a lot of thoughts last night so i wrote them down in my notes app.

i really hope techno knows how much he’s given this community. rest easy king, see you on the other side <3

i’ve always told myself “have no heroes” because idolizing ppl is risky business, but i really looked up to techno. his content helped me when i was going through a really rough time in my life. techno was a hero, and it pisses me off that this is how it had to end. but isn’t techno the one that said, “good things don’t happen to heroes”?

i’ve been told that someone isn’t truly dead until their name is spoken for the last time, so…technoblade never dies.

i took a lot of time last night because i need to be able to talk about my feelings on this topic without feeling guilty. i only started watching mcyt 4-5 months ago, i used to be into it years ago, i would watch stampy cat with my brother. then recently i found it again and so did my brother. it’s kind of how i bond with him, we talk about new uploads and things. i still feel guilty because i feel like i don’t deserve to be this upset over what’s happened. i curled up into a little ball and cried for about an hour. i have a very bad headache now and i’m guessing i’m dehydrated.

i want ppl to respect content creators space right now. techno touched a lot of people and everyone is gonna need time, alright? even us, people who just watch, even if you’ve never met techno, it’s okay to be upset about this. it’s okay to cry, crying helps. techno loved y’all a lot. hurting isn’t a bad thing.

just remember to hold the people u love close while they’re still around. tell people you love them all the time. i don’t think we say ‘i love you’ enough honestly. squeeze them extra tight right now pls

grief consumes us in undefinable, unpredictable ways. there is no right way to grieve. if you cry, that’s fine, let it out. if you use humor to cope, hey me too, that’s fine. if you shut down, i understand, just make sure you let some ppl know how you’re doing. take your time, write things, make art. art has always come from grief, destruction, and death, but it celebrates life. please don’t stop creating if that’s how you cope. don’t stop writing about him. don’t stop drawing him. keep him alive through your art. please take a break if you need it, but if you come back, keep it going <3

if you want to support techno and his family you should go buy his merch, donate to curesarcoma or leave a message on hypixel

i saw the video ten minutes after it was uploaded, my first though was “oh he’s quitting youtube? that’s too bad” but god i really wish that was the case. i saw the comments before the video even started. i kept hoping someone would tell me this was some sick joke or that i was dreaming, but obviously that didn’t happen.

-interlude where i watched night at the museum and then got four hours of sleep-

i’ve woken up now, i wish it wasn’t real. my mind keeps going back to techno when he said “you wouldn’t know my house, it goes to another school” and it’s such an strange moment and i’m not sure why i keep repeating it over and over in my head but it really just shows that technoblade was a light. he was so genuinely funny and it’s a shame that he’s gone.

i told my brother what happened and his reaction was to tell me that i was lying and that made me want to cry. then we watched the video together. i hadn’t watched the techno video yet, i don’t like sad things, i won’t watch them if i know it’s gonna make me cry. i still haven’t finished the video.

my brother and i have been sharing our favorite techno quotes all morning, including, but not limited to:

- “you wouldn’t know my house it goes to another school”

- “welcome home theseus”

- the whole theseus speech

- “i am ready for revolution boys”

- “technoblade never dies”

- “you want to beat me train for another four hundred years”

- “did someone say rebellion?”

- “when god sends me to hell i want him to hesitate”

- “hippity hoppity get off my property”

- “a lesbian referred to me as ‘actually pretty funny’ and my ego has been coasting ever since”

- “officer i drop kicked that child in self defense”

- “you see, i was using an advanced strategy called lying”

its been good to laugh with him. i didn’t think it would hit me this hard.

i’ve been saying “see you on the other side” a lot more now. it’s something my english teacher/speech coach taught me. she’s this super badass woman and she’s helped me so much. she used to be in the peace corps and she said they would never say goodbye, they would always say see you on the other side. i’ve been trying to not say goodbye so much anymore, but instead learn from her. goodbyes are so little, yknow, it’s an end. but “see you on the other side”? that keeps going. i don’t know if that makes sense to anyone except me, my brain tends to work a bit goofy, but it’s like saying no matter what happens, i’ll see you again.

it’s like that song, remember the one by charlie puth? it goes like “i’ll tell you all about it when i see you again”. i used to cry to that song years ago, but i haven’t even thought about listening to it yet. i don’t think i will. i think that’ll be too difficult right now.

i grew up in a religious household. i’m not really religious anymore. i practice paganism/wicca sometimes, but that’s unimportant. just from what i know about heaven and hell and god, god wouldn’t have hesitated for a second. technoblade belongs in heaven. he was the nicest, kindest person i’ve ever known. i know techno is up there 1v1ing god rn, and we all know he’s gonna beat him.

you know what fucks with my head the most about all of this? the fact that techno’s dad was like “you’ve given them so much already, you can rest now” and techno wrote the last video then died 8 hours later. scientifically i know it’s not really probable that he waited to go until that last video was done, but isn’t that strange? maybe it does work like that. techno touched so many people, and he felt like he had to give us one last thing, and then he could rest. it hurts my heart and my head a lot. death really fucks with my brain bc i always feel like i need to control/understand everything, but i don’t know what comes after death. that scares me. but i hope whatever the fuck comes after treats technoblade well, because he was one of the good ones.