#I don’t care if you think you can tell whether someone is REALLY disabled or not from a 30 second video

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

mmm…

i wanna talk about paul. i dont think i lingered too much there. bc it’s a sensitive spot i guess? it’s a sensitive thing to be openly unwell. my focus with this post if i really even have that is his relation with louis. i wanna talk about paul in relation to how louis treats him and that being a reason why i love louis so much too. i love both characters. i think paul doesnt really ever get mentioned in fandom much. which is the psychosis experience tbh. so it tracks.

it’s a public spectacle every one wants so desperately to ignore and to be over. in my personal experience (and i don’t think i’m alone in this) the person going through it wants it to be over too. wants that people don't see them that way. but paul’s whole character is generally ignored other than in conversations about whether or not lestat caused his suicide, which was a compelling conversation. whether or not he did is a incredibly prickly thing in the gut of the story. and to be followed up with Louis staying with Armand after having killed claudia who has a thread with paul too. she has a manic/psychotic moment. she’s a collector. she’s a lot of things that society doesn’t want to see exist. (nor does the fandom but i digress) and the way she lives in this undead world is as if she doesnt exist at all so manny ways (like paul in life too in ways) we’ve spoken of if you are someone who dares to acknowledge the fullness of her character. i said this was about paul but im working through a connection in real time. i think that’s why i wanna talk about paul. bc he carries so much of the story in the little time he was alive. and his death is the catalyst for louis’ initial death. not the one lestat gave him, but the one that made it possible for lestat to convince him in the first place. ( the spiritual one maybe? idk. im just thinking thoughts)

what i never question in regards to paul and louis’ relationship, is that louis loves him. that’s what actually makes that: “did lestat kill him really? and whether or not he did kill him….louis thought he did and stayed?” conversation so insane in the membrane to me. because the way he treated paul shows me he does love him so much. one: something in him died with paul. another thing is that louis genuinely wanted him around. he advocated for him to stay out of the hospital. he took him out as soon as he was given the power to as head of household when his father died. (i have so many questions about his own feelings and opinions on his father.) he openly spent time with him. paul was his favorite person. he let paul crawl into bed with him. which is kind of big deal from what i know in the openly unwell population. not a lot of people want to comfort that. and louis allowing his male brother into bed with him for that tender moment is kind of a key moment for him to me bc of how the pressures of homophobia can affect how men are made to feel they can treat their male family members too. Louis sees him and his need and is willing to give it to him. louis wants to be there for his brother. he decides he’ll be the one to take care of him. tells grace not to worry about paul. he would take care of him. he assures paul he wont see lestat anymore. louis’ love for paul was in the way of lestat’s wants and desires. maybe paul did have suicidal ideation already. maybe many things can be true.

(i meant to post this during disability month, but i went through it and so now i’ll just continue where i left off)

louis struggling with killing a man with a daughter and wanting to go home to his brother…😵‍💫. paul isnt a child, but louis was his caretaker. in paul you see louis shine in that role (barring the bit where he pulls a knife out, and threatens to gut him, bc that was a performance. it’s not great but he didn't even want to do that). louis recognizing that locking away a man for having delusions just because he has them at all made paul worse was such a powerfully impactful thing to me. i say this fully well knowing sometimes going to the hospital can be beneficial these days, but even still being locked up there?? drugged and treated horribly given he was black and in a time when mentally ill people were treated heinously? louis saying he belongs at home and seeing to it that paul gets to be home with his family. spending time with him like he’s a person beyond his disability. beyond his delusions. that shit makes me like quiver and cry tbh. that’s mostly what people going through that need most of all and don’t receive. he loved paul. and when paul dies louis dies. idc. (so if lestat’s did take paul away from louis….he killed him twice….also while i’m here i have stirring thoughts about lestat knowing he could tell paul his truthful intentions in town and that out of paul’s mouth no one would believe him. maybe that’s the whole thought. or maybe i’ll come back to it. idk)

(i think in some ways claudia was also theyre to fill the casm paul created too. sorry none of this is like linear or anything im just thinking i guess. maybe i’ll make get into how i see they’re related later.)

[cath-lic]

hello!!!! first of all, i love your blog and i love how you embrace your sexuality and love god :3 what would you recommend for someone who was hurt by religion? (particularly catholicism). it made me paranoid, scrupulous. as a neurodivergent woman with disability, i always felt that i don’t fit, so i’m no longer religious. is it okay to not like THE church (as an institution) but still love God? and do you have any other social media so we could speak more on it? ♥️

hello my sibling!! thank you very much for the sweet compliment.

to be honest, (and assuming you’re also american, though pardon me if i’m wrong), i think we’re all scarred from american christianity. i’m not trying to minimize your trauma; rather, i’m letting you know that i can empathize with you a little bit.

this might need its own post, but i’m seeing scrupulosity becoming more and more of a problem in the current online age, on both sides of the political spectrum. i think you’d be surprised at how many people feel very similar to you, even if they’re not religious, either. tumblr culture, especially, emphasizes scrupulosity (and to be honest, i think all social media does—i’ve been thinking about doing a social media cleanse recently because of this very thing).

you may feel as though you don’t fit in, but i’d like to remind you that mary magdalene, one of christ’s closest disciples, also faced her own problems with mental illness. scripture states that she was possessed by demons, and although of course we can’t be sure whether it was actual possession or mental illness, i think it’s safe to say that she would absolutely know where you’re coming from. (i say this not to go “you can conquer your mental illness if you believe enough,” but instead to assure you that our beloved blorbos from the bible would understand our struggles even today).

there are many disabled people in the bible. though, of course, they are very often the subjects of miracle healing, it is telling that jesus emphasizes that their disability is not a mark of sin or a matter of “deserving it,” it’s simply a facet of them.

there are countless stories i could cite, but i think it boils down to this: jesus is with the poor, the disabled, the meek, the unclean, and the ostracized at all times. jesus was poor and ostracized. he is not with one singular nation or ideology. if he sees someone being mistreated, regardless of who they are or what they’ve done, he is with them.

i promise you, you fit.

as for whether it’s okay to not like the church, and for what i might recommend—again, i can’t offer religious advice, but i can offer my opinion.

i think it’s fine to dislike the church. to be honest, they haven’t given us a whole lot of reasons to like them! god was here before the church and he’ll be here after the church. some might say that loving god is loving the church, which is a whole other discussion, but in short, god understands. IMO, it is more important to love yourself, your neighbor, and love through and with god, than to devote yourself to an institution. after all, contemporarily, the big institutions of the time weren’t exactly super hep on christianity.

part of strengthening my relationship with god was through finding a church i really enjoyed. this, of course, might not be desirable or available to you. i would say that finding a community who can accept both your sexuality & your faith (easier said than done) is the truest way you can establish your own version of church.

building and supporting a loving community is probably the most rewarding thing i can think of, regardless of someone’s faith/lack thereof. i’ve often dreamed of establishing a little trans christian commune, actually, although i know it’s just a fantasy. but i think creating a network of people who care for one another and can live and work in harmony is about the closest we can get to heaven on earth!

while i do have other social media, i don’t have any other faith-related accounts. you’re very welcome to make a side blog and message me here, or join the trans catholics discord. if these aren’t options for you, though, i understand—you’re ofc welcome to send me another ask whenever you’d like.

good night, my sibling. have a wonderful weekend, and god bless ❤️❤️❤️

[mrdarcygenderenvy]

Recent Austen adaptations yelling

Ok I DID make this blog to review historical-set Pride & Prejudice adaptations (with an exception made for iconic B&P). But for everyone who was DEFINITELY WONDERING, yes I have also been storing away a lot of opinions about other recent Austen adaptations that I Must Tell Someone.

.

Fire island (2022)

A modern gay party cheesy rom-com P&P that genuinely made me laugh. Having seen some other (whiter) cheesy gay romcoms that were extreeeemely PG & playing it safe, I was pleasantly surprised.

Also Bowen Yang and his story just came across really earnest in a way I was into - would watch this man cry again, 10/10.

Personally as an extremely disabled british nerd (now tragically unable to travel and/or go to the club...) this gay scene is a long way from my queer scene. But I still had emotions, you know?

Kinda wanted more of the Mary analogue and generally just normal looking people (almost everyone is so ripped) but I appreciate that's how beautiful smooth people often look in mainstream american films, we can't have everything.

DARCY WATCH: I do not want to dress like this adaptation's chinos Mr Darcy. But Conrad Ricamora was generally great and very hot and awkward and understood the assignment. Good ice cream throw.

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Emma (2020)

I know I know, it's pretty... but I don't think that's enough!!!!!

Lovely production, beautiful costumes, a candy wes-anderson cinematography that really suits the story, and it's fun to notice references to actual outfits and prints from the time but lads. LADS. UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME: Where is the chemistry???

You can’t make Mr Knightley a nice sweet boy (so funny to have cast a posh folksy singing man) and leave the plot the same and expect it to work!! Also I was personally pissed off that a lot of the promo/ ads for this made it look like ~forbidden love~ when it's the 2 richest white people in town getting together?? ? There's actually not even a class difference in this one, guys.

Basically this romance was nothing to me!!! I felt nothing!!!!!!!! WHERE'S THE DEPTH

I did like the bit where he lies down though. Relatable.

Also why are you drawing so much attention to the servants when you don’t seem to have anything to say about class...? 'Wow look how many servants they had! Anyway, they don't get any speaking lines'... it's 2020 guys!!! like what are we saying here. 'isn't it cool to think about how people were rich'??

kind of the point of Emma (character) is she's pretty superficial, but the story does not, in fact, have to be

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Persuasion (2022)

Weeping softly into a pillow........ did you know this version meant a version with Sarah Snook and Joel Fry got cancelled?? we could have had it all

(standing on a table yelling) THE MODERNISATION WAS NOT THE PROBLEM WITH THIS FILM!!!

Honestly I actively liked all the entire secondary cast in this. Louisa and Mary were extremely charming fun takes to watch. ('I'm an empath' IS right for the character if you're doing modern jokes!!!) And nobody can deny this was a correct and powerful use of Richard E Grant.

Henry Golding was naturally great. Apparently he got offered the lead and took the villain instead, which DOES mean the villain is super charming and fun to watch which is... hard to match and.... kind of shows up.... the main man.

It's been said before but the main two were WOEFUL imo. I have no beef with the actors I just question the DIRECTION and whether anyone making this knew (or cared) why people... enjoy things.

Book Anne is the quietest gentlest loser and I LOVE HER and so does basically every Austen nerd. Making her a quirky wine-bath girl who's honestly just cruel sometimes fully stops the main romance chemistry and plot from working.

And it means the main boy is still like 'god I'm so horny for how KIND AND CAPABLE YOU ARE' which is just 100% no longer true. You can't transplant a personality in a romance but leave the plot the exact same and expect it to work. The chemistry IS the plot in a romance..........

you can't act morally superior to your siblings and still rate people out of ten.... also so funny to me that everyone else gets period outfits and hair whereas this protagonist looks like she just glanced at a picture of any time in the past and grabbed a couple shirts from primark. it doen't even look good or build character!!!!!

Anyway, not to be an elderly man like 'ohhh why does nobody care about character these days' but the reason something like Clueless works is because it has the heart of the story right, instead of just copying the surface level stuff.

[songofthesibyl]

I think there is a misconception when speaking of mental illness in regards to Tamlin and Nesta, that is reflective of the discourse in mental health in general. When there is compassion for their struggles, it is received in one of two ways—that it is at the expense of those they hurt because of it, whether the character intended that hurt or not; and that the characters are victims of an affliction and can’t be blamed for anything they do.

In other words, it is a way to play the victim and to not have to take responsibility. The thing to remember is that having a disorder/disability/disease etc. does not make someone a good or bad person: it does not strip them of the consequences of their actions. But it does go towards explaining why they behave and act as they do. SJM from episode 447 of the Smart Bitches Trashy Books podcast:

“…it’s not that I sat down and I was like, I want to write a book about mental health. It’s just, Nesta was that character who, she had gone through stuff, and she wasn’t a perfect person, and I have zero interest in writing about sweet little perfect people and their problems…”

“I mean, and there are some characters in this book [ACOSF] that, I don’t want to spoil things, but, like, you can kind of tell, like, how I’m setting them up for future books? But I just think I’m so curious all the time about, like, why—like, even if someone’s an asshole, like, why? Like what makes them tick? [Note that she said this specifically about Tamlin in an interview I posted earlier.] Like, even before I went into therapy I wanted to know, like, why are these characters like that? Like, you know, what’s their secret backstory that led them to act this way? And, you know, sometimes it’s, you know, they’re just an asshole, but then sometimes they actually do have, like, you know, reasons why. And Nesta, in this book, I didn’t want to excuse her past behavior, and I deliberately…wrote her in the previous books in such a way where, like, I kind of…knew…what she had gone through, but I, like, I didn’t want to make her this, like, nice sweet sister. Like, that wasn’t interesting to me. There wasn’t conflict, and, you know, it didn’t drive the plot anywhere. But I, I wanted Nesta to be able to own up to her mistakes in the past, but also start reflecting on where, where some of that destructive behavior comes—like, self-destructive and then also, like, hurtful towards other people. Where does that…where does that come from? And I, I didn’t sit down, like, intentionally thinking like, you know, I can mess with people’s minds and make them love Nesta! It was just, she’s the kind of character that I’m drawn to, where she acts a certain way—like she, it’s like the tip of the iceberg.”

So people who are drawn to Nesta, and even Tamlin, are recognizing these things. Like the author, they might identify—to an extent, of course—with their mental health struggles. SJM, in this same interview, about Nesta:

“It seems like, you know, Nesta’s mental health journey has resonated with a lot of people, and that means the world to me, ‘cause I—so even though I began writing this years ago, I wound up deciding that I was just kind of like [going to] go back to page one and rewrite nearly everything, and a big part of that decision was that during those years that the story kind of sat in my mind, I went through, like, my own mental health journey and struggle…”

In the real world, if someone hurts you, mistreats you, you aren’t really going to care all that much why—I certainly didn’t when I was in those situations. But with fiction, you can explore these ideas, and spend time with these characters the way the author did and does. And identify, or again simply feel compassion, with certain aspects of their journey, as is described above. I’ve seen people identify Nesta and Tamlin’s destructive tendencies, both outward and inward, their depressive tendencies, but be confused why they don’t just act, when they know the right thing to do, and often even want to do it. In the real world, I’ve heard many times—I get depressed, but I don’t let it get to me; if you’re depressed/anxious/etc just stop being that way. The point is that these people struggle with just turning it off—it’s not an excuse, but an honest assessment of their mental state. People with mental health disorders are often difficult to deal with and be around. They can be self-focused, they can be hurtful. Not always—but they can be. It’s understandable that if someone was around someone like that they wouldn’t particularly care about their struggles. But for those that are, or have been in the midst of a mental health disorder, they can understand the difficulty in getting out of that headspace and doing the work to heal, to be able to cope. That journey, whether in the middle of it (Nesta) or the start of it (Tamlin, if SJM isn’t going the route of “he’s just an asshole,” which is still up in the air at this point)—is what is identified with. Even if they haven’t hurt someone—having unhealthy coping mechanisms, screwing up their lives and feeling like it’s hopeless it will ever get better—people identity with these things as well. It’s very personal, of course. But it isn’t about being innocent, and it isn’t about being justified in being hurtful.

[chalkrevelations]

So then we cut to the car, and let's be honest here - Night's request for Day to put on his seatbelt - which Day initially ignores and then acts like an ass about complying with - is 1) a request designed to keep Day safe and 2) a request that would be made of anyone in the car and has nothing to do with Day's disability. But Day's spoiling for a fight, because whether Night meant it this way or not, his reactions to Day's difficulties inside the Institute are being seen as an "I told you so" and an enforcement of the idea that Day can't function on his own - it's another brick in the wall of enforced dependence.

And this is a place where I wish we knew more about the relationship between the two of them before the accident because I gotta tell you, when Mom calls and tells Night to talk to Day about the documents - which sound like some kind of healthcare power of attorney - if I was Night, I'd'a been like, yeeeah, no. I'm going to wait to do that until you can be part of the conversation, so maybe your precious baby boy will be slightly less of an asshole. Because this gets us into the ugliest we've seen Day be to someone, all, "I know you want everything I have" and "Mom bought this car for me" and "I'll get my eyesight back and no one will ever care about you." FR, Bro? I'd'a treated you like you were no different from anybody else and pulled the car over and punched you in your nasty mouth for that last one. And now I really want to know what the relationships actually were like in that house, that Day throws his supposed favored son status in Night's face as aggressively as he does here.

Are we going to find out that Night bears some responsibility for whatever accident happened? I hope not, because that opens the door to more interesting possibilities.

The initial interaction with Mork strikes me as just having a convenient target, but watching this scene in the car, I wonder how much Day feels safe being a heinous bitch to Night because Night is family and can’t leave him (can't abandon him, the way Mork feels Rung did to him). Dad is entirely absent in the equation so far (heeeeyyyy, do we think he might have been killed in the accident, or was he already out of the picture, or has he left because he can’t handle all this?), and Mom is the source of security and comfort, presumably, and it’s too scary to think about doing anything to push her away, and you also don’t want to do anything to risk your position as her perceived favorite. But Night is a safe target. He’s the older brother, he’s supposed to be the bigger person, lit. and fig. He has to take all the shit you shovel onto him, right?

I would be much more interested to see that kind of dynamic dealt with than something as simple as oh, Night was driving the car when the accident happened.

And then Day throws a tantrum and literally walks into traffic, and Mork saves him, and we are pushing hard on the instant attraction thing, and I guess if it's a fuckable knight in shining armor, then it's fine for Day to play the damsel in distress, lol.

[ira-407]

PDA Has No Place Within Neurodiversity

Something you’re likely to come across in online autistic self-advocacy spaces is PDA-otherwise known as pathological demand avoidance, or to some, pervasive demand for autonomy. This is not a new idea-in fact, it has been present in the field of psychology since at least the 1980s, before the neurodiversity movement began in earnest. You can see discussion of PDA in autistic spaces from the late 90s-including skepticism of the idea. It is not an official diagnosis listed in the DSM or the ICD. Some people want it to be. It is considered by some to be part of the autism diagnosis, much like PDD-NOS and Asperger’s, which used to be separate diagnoses in the DSM-IV. I’m unsure whether these advocates wish for PDA to be like that or for it to appear under autism. I think either way, it is not a good idea. There are several reasons why I am against the idea of PDA. I think the condition itself is too broad and more importantly, I am afraid of the implications behind it.

The way I see PDA described leaves open a lot of room for interpretation. This could lead to an overdiagnosis (or false diagnosis altogether), though that’s not so much of a concern of mine as it is that there are many reasons why someone may refuse demands or ignore obligations. It could be as simple as executive dysfunction-which I believe is diagnostic criteria for autism and ADHD. People describe PDA as extreme anxiety someone feels when given a task to complete. Again, there are several possible explanations for this behavior-simply chalking it up to “PDA” doesn’t really tell you much. Ok, someone tends to avoid demands-perhaps to a disabling degree-but I feel like the reason for that goes much deeper than just calling it PDA. A lot of things I do probably qualify as PDA to those who believe in it. I have a harder time than most staying on task or starting something I have to do. Also, no, framing it as a “pervasive demand for autonomy” does not change anything. If I don’t want to do something I’m asked to do, it’s definitely not because I only ever do things I want to do. It can sometimes mean that, but it still hardly qualifies as “PDA”. So this leads me to my next point, the implications of PDA.

There are two main concerns I have with the implications behind a PDA diagnosis or label. Not only do I think it’s not specific enough, I am worried about how people use it as an excuse for genuinely shitty behavior. While this does happen with a number of disabilities, including autism, the broadness of PDA, as I previously described, only accentuates this. I’ve already seen it happen. I’ve seen somebody accuse people for their “PDA acting up” simply for not addressing an issue to their satisfaction. That leads me to the second issue-how staff could (and likely already do) use it against people in their care. Pathologization already leads to this in institutional settings. If, hypothetically, someone with a diagnosis of PDA doesn’t stick to their behavior plan, or generally just doesn’t follow directions, the staff could just shrug it off as PDA instead of thinking more critically about the actual cause of their behavior. Alternatively, they could use that against them. This is far from an unrealistic expectation. This already happens with other disabilities. This would just make it worse. Calling it a “pervasive demand for autonomy” would yield the same result. This is also the issue with Cluster B Personality Disorders, which are actual diagnoses. The psychiatric system exists to pathologize and strip people of their self-determination. This isn’t to say the entire DSM is invalid-just that there's a severe power imbalance at play here.

There are traits that are distinctively neurodivergent. Even then, just chalking behaviors up to diagnosis is unhelpful. However, there’s enough evidence that a neurodivergent brain works differently from a neurotypical brain to justify calling it autism, ADHD, tourettes, etc. PDA is not that. It reeks of Asperger’s and PDD-NOS. I thought we were done using Asperger’s? Apparently the only reason why many people don’t like Asperger’s is simply because of Hans Asperger possibly being a nazi and not for the actual issue with it-which was the false sense of hierarchy and separatism that came with it. Supporting the use of PDA is proof of that.

[thelovebug]

transracial adoptee escaping abusive home situation

When I was 17 years old, I was being driven home by my father. A woman was jogging passed the car and he made a comment that really stuck with me, and reminded me where I was and what my role was in life. He mentioned how she looked as dark as a nigger. It made me think of what he saw me as, although I knew this wasn’t the first instance where a comment was made about my race. Whether it be about me or about someone else. I remember hearing, “how are you black yet you can’t dance” or him wanting to call a person he was arguing with a nigger. Everyday when I enter the kitchen, I am greeted with a set piece that features blackface. The microaggressions are too much for me, I was subjected to ruthless racism and hatred throughout my entire school career by my white classmates, and they did not move a budge to help me or support me. I’ve been in poor health since I was an infant, and I am grateful for them taking care of me but using my sick moments as a “gotcha” moment or to guilt trip me over showing emotions of anger or sadness. Constantly telling me how good I have it and I should be grateful. I was threatened and subjected to physical violence as a child, which stopped once I made it clear I would not hesitate to call 911 now that I was old enough to do so. If my father is not ragefully screaming, talking down to, or calling me a communist because I don’t like what he likes or agree with everything he says. My mother is insulting me or putting me through emotional incest because the man she decided to marry doesn’t care to be that stand in anymore. She is narcissist who would rather die than apologize for letting me get sexually abused and bullied. She calls me a pig, a monster, tiring, annoying, a whiner, a drug addict. A drug addict after I confided in her about how pot relieves my joint pain and felt like she needed to know I use it in the house sometimes, because I didn’t want to lie to her even though she lies to me every other day. Just recently she added on more trauma and resentment I have towards her when she stole from my savings account and said she didn’t feel bad about it. This is supposed to be my MOTHER. 

I have taken care of her and my father when they are sick or just don’t feel like contributing to the day. When she is ill she goes to me, I take her blood, as a kid I would rub her back and feet, when she’s confused or doesn’t know what to do, she asks ME for help. When my father was in the hospital because of his own stupidity and ignorance towards his health, she felt more inclined to take care of him, a man who once referred to her as a fat bitch, right in front of me as a child than her kids. When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 12, the hospital staff taught her how figure out dosages, which eventually she would have to teach me. This did not happen, and even when I asked to be taught, she said she forgot. It wasn’t until I asked my new doctor to teach me again, that I figured it out but because of my own stubborness, I didn’t ask until I was 18. The older I got the more I felt ignored, hated, and their resentment towards me grew. They resented any thought or plea from me about wanting to know my family history or when I wanted to connect more with my culture or community, my mom even refused to let me see black friends. They make fun of my bonnet, the way I sound, talk, what I know, what I don’t know. I never got know my culture, I want to wear braids, I want to listen to black artists and gush over them, I want to love myself freely and without shame. I want to be gay, I want to have a girlfriend, I want to explore my gender. I just want to be free. I can’t stay in the same house I was touched and abused in anymore. My job isn’t giving me any shifts, and I’m still searching for one that will work around my disabilities and I can get to within a 10 mile radius. My father is the only one who can give me transportation but he is an awful driver who gets into frequent accidents, and has driven drunk on multiple occasions and gave me the rule that to work, the location has to be within 10 miles. I am at the end of the road at this point, if I can’t get a car for myself (since I’m not allowed to drive despite having a license) then I feel like I will die here. I do not have external family due to adoption, and I do not trust either sides of my parents extended family. 

I feel like the system has failed me. Because of some random lawyer or social worker, I was placed here when I was still in infancy, with a family who I feel I can personally never call my true family. Family does not subject their kids to things I have been through. I would’ve rather been aborted than born at all if this was gonna be my future. I don’t know and will never know my real mom or dad and there aren’t any ways to fix this, my original birth certificate was altered. I started this GFM so I can start again, to have a life before it’s too late. I’m only 20 and I turn 21 next month but I feel physically and mentally exhausted to the point where I feel my chest ache and can’t move. Even if you can’t donate please share my story and I want everyone to know that transracial adoption is harmful, anti-black, painful and the silence concerning it is deafening and I will never forgive the adults who decided to put me in this position before I could even speak. 

[orchidyoonkook]

What's your opinion on authors who create original characters as this idolized (or would it be idealized) version of themselves?

The same way I do about authors who write yandere or dark fiction, or other potentially taboo/potentially uncomfortable subject matter. Not that writing idealized versions of self falls under those categories. I just hold them within the same opinion.

As long as authors keep a check on their mental health, and use this style of writing to explore new themes or uncomfortable topics, or as a form of self therapy that isn’t harmful to the author. Then there’s no harm in it.

Folks today are so focused on the love yourself as you are mindset that lots of them think it’s shameful to want to change or not like parts of themselves. When there’s nothing wrong with that if it’s something you truly want. It’s also perfectly fine to want to love yourself as you are and work towards that. But that’s not what this question is about. And also for folks who cannot physically improve the things they may not like to whatever limits may be in their way like disabilities, etc, maybe fic and writing is the only place they can.

Ex: I have a working memory disability and I hate it. It makes my life extremely difficult and I constantly need to write things down in order to remember them. If I write a character who is just like me, but has an eidetic memory, just because I may find it cathartic to write about someone who is so similar to me but doesn’t have my issues. I don’t see the harm in that. Again, just a quick thought up example. But my point is in it.

If writing is the only place you’re able to be who you truly want to be, or strive to be, whether that’s a perfect idealized version of yourself in a silly little fic or elsewhere in writings. Then by all means! Again, as long as it’s being done in a healthy and cathartic way, what’s the big deal?

People take fic and writing online way to serious nowadays. And then when Readers read something they don’t like or perceive as wrong because it made them uncomfortable, or because it isn’t how they thought a character would look like or act like, they berate and attack the author like it’s the authors fault they chose to read what they read. (Once again to cover my ass. This is not a blanket statement for all readers. This is just a pattern I have seen in the community)

Fic is a community thing for sure. Absolutely. It’s the readers of fic and interact with it that are a large part of why the community continues to persevere. You (general use) are one of the driving forces that are holding the fic community together. But that doesn’t give Readers the right to tell an author how they should create and write their characters.

Of course unless what the author is doing is very clearly morally wrong without cause, ie: an underage person with an overage person. And this statement isn’t be all end all. It’s a small paragraph on a tumblr text post so of course I won’t be able to cover every single point of “what if this” or “what if that”. That’s where I get to rely on you (general usage) as a reader to understand my meaning in so many words.

Readers have the power when it comes to what they consume. I cannot, as an author, force you to read my writing, or writing with dark themes, or writing with happy themes, or anything. I also cannot force you not to. And I cannot force you to to like or dislike what you read. You chose what you read. Just like the author chooses what they write.

All I can do is say that sometimes people just need their outlet space. And that readers should really be thoughtful about their word choice when giving an author feedback. Constructive criticism is generally welcomed when it’s put in a caring manner where you genuinely wanna help.

Ex: “hey. Maybe don’t do this // do this when you’re writing ____ topic next time, it will help it be more historically accurate!”

Vs

“Why the fuck would you write XYZ happened in ____. Are you dense? That clearly didn’t happen did you even do any research?”

See the difference?

Once again, to round up this novelette of an answer: There’s nothing wrong with it. Everybody is their own person and can control what they consume from media. Read the warnings if the thing you’re reading has them. Be a conscience consumer. And lastly,

Don’t be a dick. Kindness cures.

[kaija-rayne-author]

By all that's holy, if you don't want me following you, just block me. Soft blocking can be and usually is ableist.

Don't like it? I don't care. You want to use a double edged sword to 'protect' yourself, go for it. But any guilt you have about it is on you.

I go into more detail on why it's ableist here.

For anyone not wanting to click the link, the essay is below the cut.

Note: I was much more active on Twitter the years ago when I wrote this.

Soft-blocking can be ableist, so what?

ON FEBRUARY 15, 2018 BY Kaija Rayne, updated Dec 29, 2023

I get in so much trouble for this idea. I have people who unfollow me because they tell me I’m being harmful by pointing out that soft-blocking can be ableist.

I have people arguing with me because it’s ‘just what people do’ and no more harmful than ghosting someone in real life.

Spoiler, ghosting someone in real life (unless, obviously and I shouldn’t even have to say it they’re an ACTUAL danger to you) is ALSO HARMFUL, and hurtful too.

Soft blocking can be ableist. I feel it’s actually INHERENTLY ableist simply because it fits the definition of an action which not everyone is going to be able to understand.

If everyone isn’t able then the action that causes harm is inherently ableist.

It really, really is. Whether we like it or want to admit it or not. Whether it’s your favorite choice of ‘protecting yourself’ or not.

It’s harmful, it’s ableist.

Some definitions and terminologies. I’m writing about this phenomenon on Twitter, since that’s the place I’ve seen it most. I'm posting it here because I suspect someone of soft-blocking me.

A follow, on social media is where you click ‘follow’ and you’re able to see that person’s tweets.

An unfollow means you click unfollow so you don’t have to look at the posts anymore.

A ‘mutual’ is a mutual follower, someone who you follow and they follow you back.

A block is where you click ‘block’ and the person you have blocked can no longer see your posts.

First… Soft blocking is the ACTION of hitting the block button on Twitter/Tumblr/Other social media with a mutual or someone who has followed you because you don’t want them following you/seeing your posts.

OR you want them to unfollow you without it being a stink about it.

There are as many reasons in the world to soft-block someone as there are people. SOME few people have reasons that deal with self-protection.

People should ALWAYS protect their mental, physical and emotional health. That is an absolute iron-clad rule. If y’all twist my words as meaning anything other than the ACTUAL words I’m putting on the page, that’s on you.

Oh, and that’s harmful.

Sometimes the methods you use (to protect yourself) harm others. There is really no way of getting around that. It is a fact when it comes to dealing with intersectionally marginalized people. It's just like veganisim actually sheds just as much blood as factory farms (rodents, wild predators, etc.) Farming, especially monoculture farming as is practiced in the west now, isn't bloodless. It can't be.

Second. I think I need to discuss what ableism is.

The simple definition is that it’s discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.

It gets a lot fuzzier when you’re dealing with intersectionally marginalized people, including disabled people.

The deeper definition of ableism is this:

Ableism is the discrimination or prejudice against people who have disabilities. Ableism can take the form of ideas and assumptions, stereotypes, attitudes and practices, physical barriers in the environment, or larger scale oppression. It is oftentimes unintentional and most people are completely unaware of the impact of their words or actions.

Shall we dive even deeper?

We could. We could add on the ideas of privilege to that. Who has more power? Then even deeper, who has more PERCEIVED power.

Have we gone down the rabbit hole yet?

Let me state this unequivocally. Soft-block to your heart’s content. It’s your space, do whatever you want with it. You SHOULD curate your space as you want/need to.

We all should.

Which includes me. When someone I KNOW knows that I have a problem with soft-blocking, AND they do it anyway I’m well within my rights to block and not do business with that person.

For me, that means I won’t read or review their books. I won't buy or reblog their art, I won’t buy their books.

Now, the reason I HAVE to do that is self-care. If they KNOW I have a problem (because it harms me) with that action, then they do it anyway, I CANNOT trust them.

So I’m sure as hell not doing business with them.

I block and blacklist. People don’t like that, but guess what? It’s my space. I make the rules. If that gets me a rep of being a bitch? I can live with that.

You don’t like my rules of treating people decently and trying your best not to harm others in your words and actions?

Of apologizing and owning your shit when you fuck up?

Of respecting boundaries?

I’m not someone you want to work with.

So. Soft-blocking is curating your space as you need to.

I’m not telling you not to do it.

I am saying it’s inherently ableist to do it, if you’re neurotypical or abled. It's likely selfish, if not completely ableist if you're not.

An argument could be made that it’s ableist of me to share how badly it fucks with my head.

To be soft-blocked, I mean. And man, it really really fucks with my head. I'm far from alone on that.

The argument for me being ableist by sharing how badly it messes my head up is that guilt comes into play. By sharing how badly it upsets me, I could (perhaps) technically be putting pressure on people not to soft-block.

I really don’t care if you use a harmful tool to protect yourself. You do you. Your guilt is the price you have to pay for that. I guess that’s too honest for most people though. That's me, pointer outer of uncomfortable truths.

Your guilt is not my problem. It’s not on me (the one being harmed) by your action to absolve you of your guilt.

Hence, it’s a long stretch to call me sharing my feelings and educated opinion on the realities of soft-blocking and the damage it can and has done ableist. I don't buy it at all.

But it could be. A skilled debater or manipulator can make someone absolutely certain the sky is green with purple polka-dots.

The only thing that makes it not ableist for me to do that is that it’s also a self-defense mechanism against ableist harm. It’s selfish, but it’s not ableist in that scenario.

Life is not, much as many people would love to think it is, a black and white construct of right vs wrong.

For me soft-blocking is wrong. It causes far more harm than it could ever ease.

For others, it’s a no big deal, it’s an ‘I just don’t want to confront this person enough to tell them I don’t want to follow them anymore.’

For others, soft-blocking is a self-protective mechanism IN ITSELF. They feel safer soft-blocking than they do just unfollowing.

(I don’t pretend to understand that, the safest way to not see people’s tweets and to signal you want nothing to do with them is to either unfollow or block them. Period.)

Now. The reason I’m talking about soft-blocking and sharing my reactions is because it can cause PTSD trigger episodes. (For the love of all the gods, triggered does not mean uncomfortable or upset. It's a specific mental illness term.)

The number of responses I get to this subject anytime I talk about it, saying something along the lines of ‘that happens to me too!’ mean I’m by far and away not the only one this practice is affecting badly.

Harmfully.

If someone is soft-blocking as an act of ‘fuck you for saying it’s ableist’ (I’ve had this happen a lot) it’s kinda obvious what the motivation is, you know? You wanna take your ball home and never play again, too?

It happens most from people who are on the younger side, FWIW. I guess I can’t hold it against them. Their brains aren’t done growing yet. (Seriously, medical fact, your brain isn’t mature as far as action/repercussions/risk assessment until you’re around 25, go ahead and look it up if you want. It’s why your car insurance is higher than mine.)

So what about what I said earlier? What about privilege? How does that play in?

I look white (I’m not, but I sure do look it) so I automatically have more privilege than anyone who is visibly not-white.

But when both people look white, that privilege is removed.

I’m unemployed, (I work for myself, and make very little money) so anyone who is employed or gets a regular disability payment is automatically more privileged than I am.

If you’re healthy, have a good income, if you own your home vs rent, there are SO many socioeconomic and anthropological factors that can go into your actual level of privilege that it pays, I think, to be cautious in how you act/react and what actions you use to protect yourself.

In the age of ‘me too’ and allegations of sexual assault being everywhere, soft-blocking is a viable self-protection tool for many. But like any tool, it can be misused and that particular tool has really sharp edges that can hurt both the wielder and the one it’s wielded against.

(I’m a sexual assault survivor, so I can almost see why it would work for people. I don’t quite, though. There's still that whole, it's safer to block them thing.)

I’m trying to educate on the results of a harmful behavior that has and does cause damage to people. Including me.

I still don’t agree with people insisting that soft-blocking is harmless. Because it just isn’t.

An anecdote from my own life. If you’ve been following my blog for a while you may recognize it.

Last October (2018, I think?) I was repeatedly soft-blocked by someone I had more privilege than.

I did NOT understand I was being soft-blocked. I didn’t even know it was possible. I wasn’t able to understand why someone would do something that (seems silly to me) when blocking is much more effective.

Let me explain something, Twitter is a really weird place for me. It has followed people for me in the past, and unfollowed people who have sworn they didn’t soft-block me. I’ve had people tell me it’s blocked people for them, people they NEVER would have blocked.

It goes pear-shaped ALL THE TIME. So how is someone supposed to know if they are being soft-blocked? Tumblr is broken so often it's an in-community joke.

The problem that happened occurred because this person DID NOT want me to follow them, but they didn’t block me. We had mutuals in common so I would often see their name and I really liked what they had to say. I admired their bravery.

In my naivety, I wanted (because I do have more followers) to boost their voice and opinion.

So I’d see a tweet that I liked a lot, I’d boost it, then realize that (I thought, because I didn’t at the time understand soft-blocking) my follow had dropped because of Twitter weirdness.

I clicked refollow at least three times before I dim-wittedly clued in (that whole, I was NOT able to tell I was being soft-blocked thing) that it was intentional.

I’ve owned up and apologized for my perceived mistakes there, and for my actual ones. But do you see that if that person had said to ANY of our mutuals to drop a word in my ear that “Hey, you’re making X uncomfy with the refollows” I would have stopped and NOT caused the problems it did? If they’d just blocked me, all the pain could’ve been avoided. Including my pain at not understanding what was happening, and my pain at having caused harm because I didn’t get it.

Instead, the person chose to use soft-blocking instead of communication or blocking.

How did that ACTUALLY help?

It didn’t. It harmed. It harmed me, and I inadvertently harmed THEM because I did NOT understand I was being soft-blocked. I was, at that point in time, UNABLE to understand it. Making it an ableist act.

For what it’s worth, I now understand it when it happens. I absolutely do NOT like it because it messes with my perception of reality, but I DO understand what is probably happening.

How many people out there don’t, though? Who are you hurting when you use this methodology? Is it worth it? (In some cases it absolutely will be, but you need to ask yourself that question.)

I’m not the only one this affects. There are so many people that don’t even know you CAN soft-block. Much less that people use it so flagrantly and without regard to the harm they are most definitely doing with it.

So what about power? Someone with more followers than me has more power. Someone with more money, a better job, better connections, they all have more power than me.

Someone who can work a traditional job vs having to work from home is also in a position of more power, or someone who gets a regular income in any form. They all have more power than me. So we need to be aware of our level of ACTUAL power as well when it comes to our actions.

But all of these things (and probably more that I can’t think of) play a part in the interconnected strands of how people interact with one another on Twitter and other social media outlets.

ALL of these things are things that make soft-blocking ableist if you have MORE power, and selfish, perhaps, if you have the same amount or less.

So what. So it’s selfish. Big whoop. There aren’t any Twitter/Tumblr police. Obviously, or we wouldn’t have any Nazis.

So you feel guilty about using a double-edged sword to protect yourself, one that can and does hurt people.

Big whoop. Again, your price to pay. If the cost is worth it to you, fine. Do it.

If it isn’t, then don’t, just unfollow or block instead.

If it’s ME you’re dealing with? I guarantee you that I will react better to a straight up unfollow or block than I will to you soft-blocking me and making me doubt.

Because to me, and many people LIKE me. That’s exactly what that does.

It’s a minor form of gaslighting.

Intent does not excuse the harm you cause.

It’s my intent to educate about the damage of soft-blocking. I’ve been told I’m hurting people by pointing this out.

I can’t pretend to really understand how it DOES. But I trust that people are telling me the truth that it hurts.

I’m sorry for that.

Truth often does hurt? It’s the precursor to growth and awareness.

Me pointing out that soft-blocking harms others is no different than whoever first noticed and pointed out that we needed ramps for disabled people to access public buildings.

I’ve been wondering the past day if those people, the ones who fought for that kind of accessibility, have gotten as much flack and push back and accusations as I have about this issue.

Probably. But progress is never made by being silent.

I could go on with this and try to unpack how it’s less ableist for another disabled person to soft-block another disabled person, because if it’s done out of self-protection, at least there’s a justifiable reason for the harm they’re inflicting.

But again, intent and reasoning doesn’t change the harm they’ve done. Intent never excuses harm.

For any of my mutuals? Straight up unfollow me.

I unfollow for unfollow. You unfollow me, I unfollow you, always. Period. And that’s really the end of it. I will absolutely block you if I figure out that you've soft blocked me. Because it harms me.

I don’t follow many ‘real people’ on Twitter, at the time I’m writing this I have 515 accounts that I follow. More than half of those are images/news/weather etc accounts.

They aren’t people I talk to. I follow 4 people who don’t follow me back (they’re all authors, FWIW, some of my favourites.)

Everyone does social media in the way that best works for them.

If people don’t like the way I do things. They are well within their rights to not have anything to do with me.

Just like I’m well within my rights to do what I need to do to protect myself.

Which includes blocking people I’ve figured out have soft-blocked me.

Like it or not, the action harms me (and a lot of other people) by making us question our minds/memories/thoughts/etc.

That’s why it’s ableist and should be used with care, if at all.

[ionlytalktodogs]

I wish every person who accuses disabled people of faking their disabilities a very I WILL Kill You This Is A Threat

[joannechocolat]

White feminists, I’m looking at you.

Another week, another raft of Press articles by self-professed white “feminists”, defending their own prejudice by bashing other women. It’s as if they can’t stop themselves, these women of a certain age, a certain class and a (very) certain privilege, who seem quite happy to see women abused, as long as those women are different from their own privileged circle of friends.

These are the women who “don’t see” race, and who think that counts as a virtue.

These are the women who “don’t see” class, or disability, or neurodiversity, or gender, except perhaps for that one friend, who represents all others, and will be used as proof of their tolerance and lack of prejudice whenever the question arises.

These are the women I interact with every day, many of whom I think of as being decent, well-meaning people.

But in actual fact, not seeing race (or gender, or class, or disability) just means you don’t see your own prejudice. I get it: it’s very convenient not to be able to see how one’s privilege impacts on others. Because as soon as you can see that, things start to get uncomfortable. Criticisms people make of you start to seem more justified. It becomes harder and harder to hide behind your comforting circle of friends - all of whom are telling you that you’re right, you’re good, you’re kind, in fact, you’re the real victim if ever your prejudices are called out– your friends, who think just like you.

But here’s the thing. We’re all privileged. We all have unconscious bias. Just because we’re women in a patriarchal society, doesn’t mean we’re not capable of punching down at someone more vulnerable, or causing another person – or group of people - to do so. And let’s face it; those people are usually men. Misogyny loves it when women attack other women. And it’s intersectional. Look closer, and you’ll find how often it leads to racism, ableism and transphobia.

I’m looking at you, white feminists. Using the patriarchy to confirm your own social and racial prejudices, rather than hearing the voices of those women who most need your support. Women of colour. Trans women. (And no, I’m not going to let you deflect by arguing about what exactly makes a woman – there are plenty of people who have done that. Read them if you want to.) What really matters is not whether someone looks or thinks or behaves like you. What really matters is who suffers harm, and who benefits from your actions.

Women are in a majority. Sometimes we forget this. We fight against sexism and prejudice as if we were a minority group. We’re not – or at least, we wouldn’t be, if we didn’t keep splitting into factions, attacking each other, then looking all surprised when the patriarchy keeps rolling on, harming women everywhere. And the saddest part is that we have so much potential energy. If only that energy were directed to bashing the actual patriarchy, rather than by heaping blame upon the women who are its victims, we might be making progress instead of tearing each other apart.

I’m looking at you, white feminists. I know how angry you must feel when people call you prejudiced. I know you’re used to the moral high ground, to the feeling that you’re the real victims of a system that’s loaded against you. And I know that when people call you racist, or ableist, or transphobic, it feels like abuse. It feels that way because you’ve never really considered your privilege in all this. You’ve never really considered the impact your words – amplified by social media, or published in the national Press - might have on real-life people.

You really need to do that. And no, it isn’t easy. First, you have to suppress that urge you have to tell the world that you’re special and different, and therefore have no unconscious prejudice. You’re not, and you do. The fact that you don’t think you have any is precisely because it’s unconscious prejudice. Unconscious prejudice is like a black hole: only detectable through its actions. And if your actions cause POC harm - or trans people, or autistic people, or any other marginalized group likely to receive abuse, or worse, because of something you said, or did – then you need to understand what you did, and acknowledge it.

The first and most important thing is to understand is that this isn’t about you. Too many people fixate on whether or not they’re really racist (or sexist, or ableist, or transphobic) instead of looking further. I get it. It’s easier to focus on the words and what they mean, rather than the reason they were used in the first place. So stop thinking about the words, and think about what you did, instead. Consider whether you said or did something that was harmful. You’re not in the best position to judge. (Unconscious bias, remember?) So listen to your critics. Instead of feeling offended that someone used an ugly word, ask yourself why they used it. Look at their reasons, not yours. Understand their perspective.

That means first putting aside all your excuses and justifications. This isn’t about you, remember? No-one cares why you made a mistake. You might have done it by accident. You might have done it out of ignorance. You might have stuff going on in your life that made you careless or vulnerable.  But this isn’t about you. No-one cares why you caused harm. All that matters is that you did. The harm might be direct – causing offense to someone through your words or actions – or indirect – for instance, reinforcing harmful stereotypes, or attracting the kind of negative attention that might result in trolling, doxxing or violence.

Whatever it was, if that happens, the first thing to do is to acknowledge it. Own it without making excuses, or arguing over semantics, or talking about your feelings, or making the process about you.

And no, it isn’t easy. It involves centring the conversation around someone other than you. You may not be used to doing this. It may make you feel uncomfortable. It may even upset you. But remember, this isn’t about how you feel. The fact that you’re instinctively trying to make this about you, even now, should be telling you something.

So yes, get over your feelings. If you said or did something that’s likely to cause harm to someone, own it. Educate yourself. Apologize. Move on, with a greater awareness of what you need to do to improve. That’s all. We’re none of us perfect: we all make mistakes. But when we do, we need to put ego aside, and try to stop repeating them.

Only then will feminism stop tearing itself apart. Only then will feminism be truly deserving of the name - when white women finally understand that if they continue to support and care for only the women who look and think as they do, then the patriarchy wins, and that they are doing its work.

White feminists, I’m looking at you.

White feminists, I’m looking at me.

[laz-laz-ace-pilot]

Clones and life-limiting illness

I know it’s nearly the end of Disability Pride Month, and its taken me most of the month to work out how to properly articulate what I want to say, but here goes nothing!

So there’s a common trope in the Clone Wars fandom and writing spaces of creating a cure for the clones’ accelerated aging, and while I can totally understand why people would want that – its natural to want an easy solution! – I’d just ask people to be mindful of how much importance you place on needing a cure, and whether your story really needs it.

Because the reality for me, and for any people, is that there is no cure. And if you don’t live with or know someone with a life-limiting disease, you might not be aware of how much stigma is attached to it. So I’m going to try to break down some tropes to be aware of – not that you can’t use them, but just think critically about how and why you are using them.

-          Hopefully this is obvious, but not every moment of our lives is tragic. Yes there are sad, tragic and traumatic moments, but that’s equally possible in an abled person’s life, and there are so many brilliant moments of joy and happiness, just like in an abled person’s life! This is possible in the clones’ lives too.

-          Relationships – so apparently this is a surprise to some people, but its common for people with life-limiting diseases to be told you can’t (morally) have a relationship with someone, and there’s an echo of this in fiction. There is an expectation that its ‘noble’ or ‘moral’ to avoid initiating relationships to spare your partner the ‘burden’ of your disability. Let me say this now – this is absolute bullshit! People will tell you that its cruel on your partner to be with them, or that you should ‘out’ yourself on a first date so they can make a choice about being with a disabled person – this is ableist shit and please avoid these people at all costs. They do not have you or any partners’ best interests at heart.

-          Adding on to this; our lives have worth throughout our lives – whether before or during severe illness. I’ve seen so many fics where the clones are only considered ‘dateable’ or ‘attractive’ (or even people) while they are still young and abled-bodied – please think before you write off the latter parts of their lives. There are plenty of accounts from real people talking about how their relationships with their disabled partners actually improved while undergoing treatment or in palliative care – if you get a chance, I really recommend watching/ reading some.

-          The ‘noble death’– please don’t romanticise the idea of someone ending their life to avoid being a burden on their loved ones. Again, not only is this weirdly common in fiction, but is often parroted to life-limited people in real life.

-          ‘Being a burden’ – this is a huge problem that many disabled people are encouraged or forced to internalise, and while it’s highly probable that the clones would also internalise this, it doesn’t make it true. Disabled people are not a burden, and many loved ones want to support and help, and enjoy doing so! There are so many opportunities for character growth and happiness and connection in the midst of illness – please don’t discount this part of our, or the clones’, lives.

-          People have complex relationships with their life-limiting disabilities – there can be anger, frustration, denial (and a lot of internalised ableism) but there’s also acceptance too. Please don’t only characterise us as constantly angry and bitter at the world for our ‘misfortune’.

-          And hopefully this is obvious, but please don’t place all the clones’ worth on whether they’re ‘hot’ or not. I get it, people want to write smut and things that appeal to them, but not only does this fall into many of the racist and fetishist problems surrounding clone depiction, but it also reinforces the idea that once someone becomes ill/ old/ disabled, then they’re unattractive.

I know this is a long post, and thank you if you’ve read this far, but I really needed to voice this. This isn’t an attack on anyone whose written clones being cured or avoided writing older, less abled clones, but rather a call to really consider why you think these things are necessary and whether you’re writing the disability out of your characters.

PS. This is not an invitation to ask me about my disability. If you take this as an opportunity to attack me or anyone else discussing disability, kindly fuck off.

Thank you to @clone-bar-79s for helping me sort my thoughts out on this and listening!

[ghooostbaby]

deeeep dive into why and how wei wuxian and lan wangji love each other, complete each other, are the inverse reflection of each other’s deeply hidden internal selves mirrored through the other’s external self, lan wangji’s inner wildness that he has to conceal and protect recognizing and loving wei wuxian’s outer wildness, wei wuxian’s deep, fuddy-duddy morality and values that he conceals with an elaborate subterfuge of jokes, mischief, and bravado, seeing and loving in lan wangji the ability to say no that it was never safe for him to express directly, “between you and me there is no need for thank you and sorry”

oh and a slight diversion midway through into a manifesto on WEI WUXIAN IS NOT INSECURE the whole story is about a society where being liked is ESSENTIAL for survival and it is actually completely perilous not to be liked, and his “people pleasing” is a skill and tool for his survival especially as an orphan and proven to be a necessary one when he stops doing it and STOPS SURVIVING

after the cut discussing the very interesting dynamics of consent in general in the novel, but not going into the consensual non-consent kink stuff till the last paragraph if you need to avoid for any reason.

I've been thinking about how Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian the exterior, unfettered expression of the wildness Lan WangJi holds in him and protects with rigid codes of conduct, propriety and outward dignity.

I have had this sense that these two are mirrors, either one reflecting the hidden, interior (and unallowed) self of the other. but it seemed more clear from Lan WangJi's side, especially knowing about his history with his mother and the spicy side that emerges when he drinks and in the extras.

I also - just... the way this whole story shows how romantic love is truly this longing for your self, to become yourself, to become the thing you're not allowed to be, seeing in that person the expression of whatever it is you can't become and longing for it, protecting it, joining with it as closely as you can without ever being able to let it live inside your own body.

On the surface it seems a lot more difficult for Wei WuXian to find a piece of his soul in Lan Wangji. I think its a bit too simplistic to see whatever draws Wei WuXian to Lan Wangji as a reverse-psychology sort of craving of acceptance from the only one who won't give it, pushing and pushing against this impenetrable boundary that he needs to break to feel assurance that no matter what he can make anyone accept him.

And he is SO drawn - in a mind boggling way, in the teenage flashbacks Lan WangJi rudely and aggressively throws him off over and over and Wei WuXian cannot keep away! Even when he talks about how boring Lan WangJi is, he never stops trying to be around him and talk to him.

I've seen discussions of the way Wei WuXian has always relied on the goodwill of others to survive, and that his placating of others to survive is a character flaw. Although that seems only halfway true. 

As a young child he didn't have anyone's goodwill for a while and he survived, and it seems like he can always find a way to survive from whatever means and sometimes very limited resources he has at his disposal. Doing what he has to do to become powerful enough to survive losing his core and being thrown into the burial mounds slowly costs him the goodwill of everyone around him - and what happens to him as a result shows how much placation was a truly necessary for someone without the protection of biological/hereditary family bonds.

(Don’t get me started on how his loss of his golden core and his development of demonic cultivation to give himself power by ‘unnatural methods’ through the use of a musical instrument is a metaphor for disability and the way ableist society sees the use of accessibility devices and tools. Actually please DO get my started haha.)

Wei WuXian is so charismatic and seems very used to getting what he wants and needs on the strength of that. He pushes a lot of boundaries and seems pretty confident and flexibly prepared to handle the consequences, whether beatings or harsh words. But he does work so hard to make others feel good, good with him, good with themselves.

When he is in the cave with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian is described as "like one who forgets all past pain as soon as the wound heals". He can't resist coming up beside Lan WangJi and talking to him again and again after every time Lan WangJi pushes him off, only finally staying away when Lan WangJi bites him (and he still keeps trying to talk to him after a little bit!) and then calls him an awful person (!!! Bad Wangji! :(((( ). In the end, when Lan WangJi (very minimally) discloses what happened to his sect and his father, and even cries, because of all the defences/assaults Lan WangJi has put up Wei WuXian can't do anything or say anything to help and feels miserable.

Lan WangJi just absolutely refuses to allow Wei WuXian to take care of him - and I began to wonder maybe that’s what Wei WuXian actually really likes about him? Why he is unable to resist coming up to Lan WangJi again and again? Maybe because Lan WangJi refuses to let Wei WuXian appease him. He’s not trying to crack Lan WangJi to get to this impenetrable place of approval and acceptance. In a way he can’t quite understand, Lan WangJi is a respite for Wei WuXian from the constant work to be the one who pleases.

And  how different this is to how Wei WuXian is (or has to be) with Jiang Cheng when he wakes up in Lotus Pier after the cave. Jiang Cheng gets so down and really really needs Wei WuXian to do what he does so well (and wasn’t allowed to do with Lan WangJi) - chasing Jiang Cheng down while being injured and reassuring him about all his insecurities about his father's acceptance and becoming a sect leader and Wei WuXian's own abilities excelling his - and at first Jiang Cheng is pushing him away, but he really does need Wei WuXian to do all this to feel better.

Wei WuXian is described as not wanting to be lonely, and not wanting to see other people unhappy, and he keeps trying to push and pull with whatever he has to not be lonely and lift the mood for those around him. I don't think it's a kind of codependency or insecurity. It’s not that Wei WuXian is afraid to say no, in fact I would say he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, but he must always do it creatively, with humour. Similarly to Nie Huaisang, he uses a persona of foolishness to give himself a covert agency.

I also think I'm writing this because I don't like seeing this discussed as a sad bean character flaw for him to always need to be liked - its a strategy, its a tool, its how he survives and excels. Doesn’t the whole story prove how essential being liked is to a human’s survival? And he is so so good at being liked, in making others happy, even when he is refusing to do what others want from him that he doesn't want to do, he does it in a way that deflects criticism, with a smiling bravado that never says what it truly means and has people writing him off as shameless or foolish or just endearing himself toward them despite themselves.

He is always at work really, with jokes and flattery or mischief and teasing, to get the resources he wants and needs. Case and point, when he makes a big coquettish show for mianmian, definitely not being "people pleasing" for her, but the group of girls around them all find it funny and cute and in the end she gives him a perfume sachet which ends up being a valuable resource for later. Or the time he outright tells Jiang Cheng that if you give the girls some lotus seeds they'll remember you and return the favour in the future. (Also notice how his interactions with girls seen as flirtatious are actually strategic resource-gathering acts.) These are the skills he has developed to meet his own needs. (THIS IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW. I REPEAT.) He takes what he needs and steals from the Lotus Pier markets knowing it'll be paid for, he lives like he never know when his next windfall will come from so he'll take what he can when he can find it. Like Jiang Fengmian said, if there is no guarantee of a meal in the future then today's meal should still be enjoyed. It’s how Wei WuXian said to Nie Huaisang at Cloud Recesses, you have to find ways to make your own fun out of whatever you have. So he gets kicked out of class, goes fishing, gets alcohol, he pursues his own pleasure. He actually is quite insistent of his own agency and right to choose, he just can never directly say no.

And that little detail that Wei WuXian always tucks coins into his clothes just in case, that makes him able to buy food when he and Jiang Cheng are on the run... breaks my heart and reveals so much about the way Wei WuXian is constantly at work on ensuring his own survival and never takes for granted whether he is safe (he knows he never is). 

I've seen some people talking about Wei WuXian sacrificing so much for his brother and sister out of a need to be accepted out of a chronic sense of insecurity. But isn’t this just true? Doesn't he live in a world where being accepted is absolutely essential for survival? Doesn’t this whole story show the cruelty of a social system based on networks of hereditary/biological family that closes out and scapegoats any outsiders, and that without biological family connections that can enclose around you, you can never truly be safe if not constantly working to earn acceptance? (And then beautifully ends with the way a gay romantic relationship that queers marriage/family/etc disrupts all this and creates safety and inclusion for Wei WuXian without needing a normative family.) (AKA romantic love does not resolve some internal personal problem in Wei WuXian but disrupts and refuses and rebels against the problem of SOCIETY.) (*breathes heavily*)

And that’s why Lan WangJi is magnetizing to Wei WuXian. Lan WangJi is always saying no. Although what Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian is an exterior wildness, Wei WuXian is not really out of control so much as he is playing and caring and supplicating and showing off and pleasing people to get the resources and the acceptance he needs to live his life. He has firm values and desires that he can never outwardly state, only creatively spinning plates to distract and deflect while he refuses what goes against his values, protects who he cares for, or takes what he needs to in order to survive/thrive. Lan WangJi embodies an exterior of resoluteness and direct agency that Wei WuXian doesn't have the luxury of. And he's so drawn to him for his ability to repeatedly say no, to refuse to get along, or make others laugh, make other people happy, but just simply follow what he thinks is right.

Wei WuXian’s outward wild movement protects an inward stillness. He is an exterior of people-pleasing around an interior of refusal. He is an exterior of youthful rebellion around an interior of unflinching morality. He sees in Lan WangJi the outward expression of his stillness, his morality, his resistance that he can't express, that he's had to protect.

FYI after the cut gets more into the dynamics of consent in the story, and the last paragraph directly talks about consensual non-consent kink play in wangxian’s relationship.

When Wei WuXian is with Lan WangJi, there is no work to be done. Lan WangJi cannot be swayed by him, and so there's no point vying for resources or favors. Lan WangJi will either give him everything or refuse him everything based on who he is, it does not matter what Wei WuXian does and he can't do anything that will change Lan WangJi’s mind. Someone he literally can't win over. After the resurrection, they are often in an adorable tug of war, where Wei WuXian tries to take care of Lan WangJi, while Lan WangJi won't allow him to but demands to care of Wei WuXian right back. Actually, Lan WangJi insists that Wei WuXian take everything he wants or needs from him and is even angry when he doesn't take or when Wei WuXian tries to offer a gesture in return, even something as simple as a thank you Lan WangJi won't accept. It’s kind of adorable how frustrated Wei WuXian is in doing this thing he's learned that he needs to do, and just... so confused by Lan WangJi, and has to find a way to please this person who aggressively refuses to be pleased and is ONLY pleased by Wei WuXian being pleased.

(Not to mention the way Wei WuXian delights in finding that Lan WangJi can’t say what he wants, and they have sort of these chaotic cohesive both-being-so-pleased-by-working-hard-to-please each-other moments where Wei WuXian is letting Lan WangJi please him by finding out what pleases Lan WangJi and giving it to him.)

The wildness Lan WangJi had always hidden within himself is something he sees as just as dangerous as Wei WuXian thinks of his desire to refuse. He saw his mother be socially alienated, shunned, and eventually die because of her wildness. His ability to survive in the world, aka to be accepted by his family, is contingent on him being able to control this inner wildness. From a young age (re: Phoenix Mountain kiss) he could only understand his sexual desires for Wei WuXian as something repulsive or dangerous that had to be repressed and controlled, and that the only way he could imagine his desires as possible was as non-consensual. His secret gay desires were never available to him as anything but something monstrous.

Importantly, it’s not like everyone else other than Lan WangJi are all vampires cruelly demanding Wei WuXian’s constant sacrifice. Wei WuXian is always vibrantly, charismatically offering so much, before anyone has asked. It’s Wei WuXian who creates this kind of relationship for himself again and again. It’s Lan WangJi who simply refuses - he refuses to charmed, to be cared for. And so in the end Lan WangJi becomes the one person who Wei WuXian feels doesn't need anything from him. When he says he's eating the corpse's fruit to save Lan WangJi money and Lan WangJi says that will never be necessary. Or when Wei WuXian asks what toy he should win for Lan WangJi at the market game, and Lan WangJi says anything Wei WuXian gets will be the one he wants. (XD stahhhhp it’s too sweet !!!) He really just wants Wei WuXian to be, to exist, to spend his life discovering his own desires and allow Lan WangJi to help satisfy them, he doesn't want anything from Wei WuXian other than him living - happy and safe.

It takes someone like Lan WangJi to refuse Wei WuXian’s aggressive generosity, it’s definitely not an easy thing to say no to Wei WuXian, dazzling or annoying people so chaotically before they even realize there’s something to say no to. The sacrifice he gives to Jiang Cheng, he never even offers a choice - and perhaps it would have been too much for Jiang Cheng to accept if he had the chance.

Lan WangJi’s statement "Between us there is no need for thank you and sorry" seems like one of the most important sentences in the novel, and you can’t help but noticed the way “sorry” and “thank you” is littered meaningfully through the book. What is owed, what the characters owe to each other, the give and take, touches every part of the story (down to wangxian's erotic explorations!).

When Jiang Cheng talks to Wei WuXian at the Guanyin temple he makes a lot of contradictory statements about what Wei WuXian owes, what he was given, what he took, what he (Wei WuXian still) is owed in return. Wei WuXian, according to Jiang Cheng, took everything from the Jiang clan, and paid them back with their deaths. The Jiang clan give him his life when they took him in, and he owed Jiang Cheng service for the rest of his life as the right hand to the sect leader, that’s what Wei WuXian had promised anyway. At the same time, Wei WuXian sacrificed everything (his golden core) to Jiang Cheng, by giving everything he was taking one more thing - Jiang Cheng’s right to even be angry at him. Jiang Cheng had taken everything from Wei WuXian. Everything that happened around Wei WuXian after could be said to be because of the loss of his golden core, which Jiang Cheng might be said to be responsible for. But he never asked for it, maybe he never would have wanted it. He wishes Wei WuXian told him, but Jiang Cheng never told Wei WuXian his golden core was melted while he was sacrificing himself to save Wei WuXian. He wants Wei wuxian to say sorry, but that makes him feel pathetic. And Jiang Cheng says sorry too. It’s a mess of paradoxes, and in the end somehow it seems like the scales are balanced in the most hollow, dismal way.

What is owed, what is given, what is taken ... Wei WuXian has never been part of a family. He has always had to say thank you and sorry for everything he's taken. Wei WuXian himself admits that he used "thank you" as a way to enforce distance between himself and Lan WangJi. Lan WangJi's point i think is that they belong to each other, Wei WuXian is his, and he is Wei WuXian's, unconditionally. The way that Jiang Cheng speaks of him in the Guanyin temple (admittedly I read a fan translation and this is very nuanced, related to slight variations of grammar), even when Jiang Cheng clearly is so broken by the loss of Wei WuXian from his life, he talks about Wei WuXian as an outsider. It is what MY family gave to YOU, never what you took from our family. But at one point Wei WuXian was part of their family - but he takes too much, and becomes an ex-disciple, not a brother. Wei WuXian’s inclusion as a Jiang was always conditional. 

Even when Wen Qing and Wen Ning leave him to go take the blame for qiongqing path they tell him "thank you and sorry", drawing a line between them and him, so he doesn’t even belong to these people who he sacrificed everything for. The way Wei WuXian acted when he was younger, he was always keenly aware of this - he always knew that he didn’t belong to anyone, no one is going to protect him unconditionally. And after first escaping the Burial Mounds, he is done pretending. When Lan WangJi warns him about what a demonic cultivation path will do to his heart, Wei WuXian replies: “After all, on the topic of how my heart is, what could other people know about it? Why should other people care about it?” He is done pleasing. Nothing has changed really, he still belongs to no one and is alone, but now he is angry about it, and instead of saying thank you and sorry he is going to become too powerful to be at anyone's mercy. And then we see in the story afterward what happens to people who don't say thank you and sorry.

The whole point I think is the impossibility of choice, the impossibility of consent in this society. If he didn't forgo the behaviour his social acceptance was conditional on, he wouldn't have survived the burial mounds. But once he becomes powerful enough to survive and get revenge on the Wens, he is socially outcast. Except he was already outcast from the beginning.

And so how do Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi find a way through all that to a life together where all their desires are possible, where Wei WuXian can say no while also being pleasing (safe) to others, and Lan WangJi can indulge in his wild desires while still being good? The answer is kinky sex!

It is kind of miraculous and beautiful how Wei WuXian finds a way to say no, while simultaneously pleasing Lan WangJi, giving pleasure, while taking it, saying no, and knowing his refusal is not just tolerated, but gives Lan WangJi pleasure, knowing Lan wangji and knowing the painful belief Lan WangJi holds within that his desires are unacceptable and unspeakable, and that Wei WuXian can take care of Lan Wangji in a secret little way and please him and give everything to him by craving this wildness in Lan WangJi while at the same time he gets to say no again and again , and it won't push Lan WangJi away, he can refuse everything while at the same time be totally pleasing and thus safe, and also for Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian's pleasure at saying "no" while still being held onto, that he genuinely wants to be fucked even while begging Lan WangJi to stop (and the many ways he does give his consent for this throughout, especially their first time), allows Lan WangJi the ecstatic feeling that this idea that his sexual desires are only possible through force are not just something his lover forgives him for but something his lover is SO turned on by, and that he has consent for his fantasies of non-consent, Wei WuXian has the same fantasies from the other side, he is doing what he is supposed to while doing what he shouldn't, and actually these monstrous feelings in him allow him to take care of Wei WuXian in a way that he needs - that they both need - and all these impulses that are so wrong with Wei WuXian become very right and a way to do good. And they are just both so perfect and perfect for each other and I love them and I am so happy for them to have a long kinky life together.

[unknownzapy]

Type Of Blog: Head-canons/X Reader

Trigger Warnings: Dark Humor/Jokes, sensitive topics such as P3d0phila jokes, Mental Illness/Disability Jokes, and a “My Dad left me” joke all in Tord’s part, Z00phile and Inc3st (mention) joke in Edd’s part, Drowning Puns (mention) in Tom’s part. Viewer discretion is highly advised.

Author’s Note: If I made any of the characters out of character, even in the slightest, please tell me! I’m always up for some constructive criticism :). Also, sorry if any of them are too long/short-

Prompt: Eddsworld main boys w/ Reader who has a sense of Dark Humor (Up to the viewer to see this as romantic or platonic).

Edd

Art by dekyun on DeviantArt

Tries not to worry too much about you, really. He assumes that you’re going through something and you use Dark Humor as a coping mechanism.

Or maybe not, so who knows.

ANYWAYS, Edd is the type of guy to occasionally join you in your morbid shenanigans; mostly joking about the army/military, war, and soldiers dying simply because he’s is the military, so he understands you completely if you’re coping with something going on in your life.

Doesn’t push you to talk about why you prefer dark humor, but doesn’t particularly care either; as long as you’re having fun, then he’s totally fine with it.

Though, Edd does visibly show concern for you the more dark your humor goes, He’ll probably force you to talk about whatever is going on in your life whether you like it or not.

That Incest joke you made last week? Yeah, Edd made a mental note of that.

That Zoophile pun you made just yesterday? Consider him your newfound therapist.

You get the idea, but he does let you go off when he’s adjusted, just know that he’ll drag you off somewhere private if you need to talk if you need something off your chest whenever you pull a darker joke than usual.

Also, Edd would use you as a defense mechanism when his Neighbors (Especially Edwardo) start to mock them for whatever reason, so he’ll probably edge you on to scare them away (and maybe even give them PTSD while at it).

Tom

Art by HoshPosh on DeviantArt

Oh my god, someone this save poor man 😭.

He doesn’t understand as to they you’re joking about people dying, but he can never adjust to it.

Tom is both scared and confused for your well being, so he doesn’t push you to tell him what’s going on.

Sees you as a second Tord, but better.

Tom tries to make drowning puns, but like…he can never execute them well like you do.

It takes him months to get used to your dark comedic self and finally ease up to your sense of humor.

On some occasions, he’ll probably snicker at some of your jokes, especially if they correlate to drowning people/animals.

For the sake of everyone’s sanity (except for Tord’s), please don’t teach him any drowning jokes, it would be chaos.

Either Matt or Edd would mostly hide Ringo the cat somewhere safe if Tom made a morbid drowning joke if you’re not around, then realize his mistake by thinking about all the mistakes he did in his life.

All in all, you’re a terrible influence on Tom and he has a love-hate relationship with you.

Tord

Trigger Warning starts now⛔️!

Oh my fucking god 💀.

The jokes you two make are BEYOND morbid and strange that not even Satan wants you.

When he first heard you crack a dark joke, he had to hold back a wheezed laugh.

“My girlfriend called me a Pedophile today”

“I told her that was a big word for a 9 Year Old.”

The shit that you guys pull that it’s terrifying.

When Tord heard the first jokes, puns, and so on, it was love at first sight.

He absolutely ADORES P3d0 jokes coming from you, which boosts his confidence to actually share his own. Though Tord does love to experiment with other dark jokes, especially centered around sexual intercourse or anything that has something to do with his no no square, he does touch on other things as well.

Dare I say, match made in Purgatory 👹✨.

You both enjoy annoying Tom and Matt (separately and both at the same time) with your twisted humor the most, earning a sharp glare from the eyeless male and a deeply disturbed reaction from the blonde.

All in all, you and Tord have the best relationship out of the four of them.

Honestly, your humor touches on practically all triggering topics known to man, especially if you two are alone and see who can one up the other (and try not to laugh too hard/loud since you guys go at it for HOURS, even if it is the middle of the night).

“What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

“What?”

“They both can’t be found”

“Pfft. I got a better one: What do you call a group of depressed people?”

“Emo and Goths?”

“Hah, no! They’re called the Suicide Squad!”

Cue the two of you holding your sides and laughing like hyenas, waking up everyone in the house (and the reason why they suddenly have crappy sleep schedules). At the end of the day, you and Tord are chaotic crackheads who leach onto this kind of humor; not a single dull moment between you two.

Matt

Matt is the most worried for your mental health. Like, whenever you pop a joke during breakfast, he’ll look at you like 😨.

Didn’t like you at first because of it, but he does warm up to you eventually. Most likely the longest one to do so out of the four guys, I can’t see him as a type of person to enjoy dark jokes.

He’ll probably question you about your sense of humor and ask if you want to talk about whatever you’re going through, but you’ll respond with something along the lines of “Coping Mechanism/Experimenting with my sense of humor.”

Tbh, Matt is non judgmental, he’s just…worried for your mental health of the things you joke about. After some time, though, he gets used to it and, like Tom, sometimes reveals a grin that he’s trying to hold back at some of your twisted jokes and immediately denies it after being called out for it.

Sometimes some of the jokes and puns fly over his head, so it’s better to explain it than let it go stale. Either way, Mat’ll ✨try✨ to laugh at all your jokes or is too stunned to speak. Keyword: Try. No In between.

Honestly, like Tom again, he sees you as a second Tord to a degree, so take this information however you wish, but he won’t admit that anytime soon.

At the end of the day, Matt is really supportive of you! If you’re into dark humor, whether it be on the tamer side or more intense, then keep at it, he’s not stopping you.

Just know that he’ll crack a joke or two to impress you that he found on the internet, but they’re really sappy and tame compared to you. But hey, at least he tries!

Also he’s mildly scared of you for this reason alone, so uh…do whatever with this information too.

[ayamturd]

can I request headcanons on how the sbi or dt would react to a rich reader who spoils literally everyone? platonic ofc 😈

spoiler│dream team hc

warnings: none, only fluff

pairing: real-life platonic!dream team

a/n: first headcanon! i thought this idea was really unique so thank you for requesting it :)

wc: (0.7k) - m.list

dream -

considering how successful he is, it probably doesn’t faze him so much as it would others

now when he’s the one you’re spoiling一 man’s shocked to say the least

since he mainly spends more on food for himself, you would push it further from both gourmet to assortments of junk food

clothes

if he’s not going to care for his appearance, then someone has to

you’d try to buy him more simplistic clothing but still high end or name brand

knowing him, he’d try to give it back but you’d guilt trip him into accepting

doesn’t like to admit that he think’s its sweet of you to care

“No, y/n. I don’t need more clothes!”

“But I thought of you when I saw this!”

“… fine.” >:(

if you were a streamer or online personality yourself, you would send him loads of your own merch

now that he would easily, proudly accept (he’s a huge softie for his friends, and he only wants to support them uwu)

would complain if you were spoiling someone other than himself as a joke, but pull you aside to reassure you that he wasn’t serious

there is still the offhand chance he actually tries to rival your gifts and spoiling

imagine: there was this one day where you two kept out-gifting each other on George’s stream to the point where he had to disable them

“I swear to God, you two are going to be the death of me.”

he understands the want to spoil your friends the most out of the group, so he’s not one to try and stop you

respects you greatly for putting others ahead of yourself, even if they don’t necessarily need it like himself

george -

let’s be honest, he’s the most mature out of the group so he’d try to lecture you on your spending on multiple occasions

however, he knows it’s from a good place, so it’s not to the point where he’d try and stop you from spending on behalf of others (even though he can’t)

more so off-hand comments in reaction

“No doubt you’re going to go broke at this rate.”

“If it’s for you, guarantee” :)

“No, no, no, don’t do that. You’re not allowed to do that.”

it’s out of habit at this point that he’d yell your name out the same way he does with dream

“Y/n! What??”

isn’t like dream to playfully complain if you gift others, but plays into his shock

probably privately tells you that you don’t have to spend so much for others since they already know you care

you would say thank you and try to heed his words, but don’t lol

even though there is no way to physically do so, he isn’t an affectionate guy (physically and verbally), so you would target him the most as a way to show your appreciations for him

imagine: he’s doing a solo stream for once and chatting with chat when a large donation from you comes through, immediately calls you

“Y/n! Why did you just donate [something something amount]??”

“Cause can” :)

he would try to fight you on it the most

always fails

doesn’t like to admit how meaningful he finds it so will say a simple ‘thank you’ every time

like he doesn’t know how to verbally express it beyond a ‘thank you’

struggles but always tries to outwardly say he appreciates you beyond what you try to give

sapnap -

now this boy would whine the most if you were spoiling someone else

like dream to do so as a joke, but can sometimes be emotionally vulnerable to the point he where believes you don’t like him the same way as others

since in this scenario, gift giving/ spoiling is your love language and way to show your (platonic!) love

you’re always quick to spoil him after, which makes him feel guilty to think something like that

has the best reactions when you gift him things

“Wait… oh my gosh, y/n!”

“Hehe, surprise!”

“What the hell!”

you would send him the most random things

both as a joke or because you found it cool

from foods (mainly sweets), clothing, plushies

imagine: you send him, like, a giant panda plushie as big as him

“Where the hell am I supposed to put this thing??”

“I don’t know, but it looked cute” :D

the most outward with his appreciation, whether on stream or private

this isn’t to say he only wants gifts from your friendship, but is the most susceptible out of the three

will always say you’re his favorite *^*

is the quickest to reassure you that you didn’t have to given how accepting he is to your giving nature already

no matter what, admires you for your kind-hearted nature and values your intentions (either significant or as a gag gift)

[a-libra-writes]

Peaky Blinders - How They Care for Their Disabled S/O

In This Preference, You’ll Be Dating: Tommy Shelby, Arthur Shelby, John Shelby, Ada Shelby, Polly Grey, Michael Grey, Esme Shelby, Alfie Solomons, Lizzie Stark, Isaiah Jesus, Luca Changretta, Aberama Gold

hello friends sometimes i post writing. this may have been a request at some point but who knows, time is an illusion.

THOMAS SHELBY

He’s overprotective but in a quiet way - he’ll send a nurse to assist you during the day, but you have no idea how many guards Tommy actually has patrolling the place. When you’re out in public with him, he often has a hand on the small of your back and scans the room to ‘make sure’ it’s safe. The anxiety and overprotectiveness really sets in when there’s trouble with business and he believes his rivals could get to you. You can call him out on this behavior, remind him you aren’t made of glass, but Tommy still struggles with the paranoia that something might go wrong. There’s a deep fear that he’s not fit to be with you, that someone kinder or more attentive would be better for you.

ARTHUR SHELBY

He treats you like he would anyone he’s in love with, which is to say like an angel that’s come to this earth. Arthur is his usual sappy, clingy self but there are times when he has intense guilt -- you have enough to worry about, you shouldn’t be dealing with a mess like him. To “make up” for that, there’s really nothing he wouldn’t do to make you more comfortable or help you get around better. He becomes very aware of your limitations so he can assist when you need it; he thinks it’s the least he can do, considering how much you help him. Side note, he will also go absolutely feral on anyone who insults you.

JOHN SHELBY

John is the sort of person who might protect you too much. He’ll want to keep you in a calm and relaxed home, preferably in the country, away from the dirty loud city -- well, he heard that was better for people’s health. He’d be stubborn about things at first, but eventually he’d listen to you when you explain the care you need. He’ll never hesitate to do something for you or get something you need, and will fight anyone that upsets you. Also, his kiddos adore you - you’re surprised to learn he taught them how to be considerate of you and help when needed.

ADA SHELBY 

As your friendship gets closer, Ada reads up on your condition and listens to you so she can do her best to accommodate you when you visit her, or when she visits your house. She never treats you like you’re different... But some days, she can become protective, especially around strangers or when her brothers saying stupid things. Before you two lived together, she set up some cozy accommodations in her home in hopes you’d be more willing to stay over (though she’d never admit to it).

POLLY GRAY

Polly won’t let anyone try to call you weak or shame you for your condition. She knows better than anyone what you go through on a daily basis, and how you still help the company in spite of that. They’ll get such a tongue lashing, they won’t look at you for a week. Protective as she is, she’ll never treat you like you’re helpless. She’d hate to be treated like that way herself. When she was having her bad days after cutting ties with Tommy, Polly would stay at your home and you both would look after each other, though she’d feel terrible for being a burden to you.

MICHAEL GRAY

He wasn’t sure how to progress with his crush on you, wondering if you weren’t interested because of your “condition” - he definitely had a more old-fashioned mindset about it that Polly set him straight on. Once Michael actually gets to sit and talk with you, he begins to understand better. He feels like an overly confident bravado won’t work with you. It’d be dishonest, and you’d see right through it. So you end up seeing a surprisingly real side of Michael that many aren’t privy to. Once you’re a couple, Michael is as protective as the rest of the Shelbys. He might do things that are overprotective, but he insists that’s what’s best.

ESME SHELBY

Esme has never completely understood your condition, but she’s never treated you negatively for it, either. When she’s feeling like going outside, she’ll do whatever she can so you can come with her. When she’d rather stay in, she’ll make sure you’re cozy and the house is tidy before snuggling up with you. She’ll do lots of things you don’t notice right away, like clean this or fetch that, without saying anything. She will immediately fire back at anyone insulting you, even if you aren’t in the room. She has no patience for that nonsense.

ALFIE SOLOMONS

First of all, you’re Alfie’s princess, that’s the long and short of it. You have a lovely home in a safe part of town that his men guard 24/7. The home has whatever accommodations you need, and if you need a helper when he’s gone, he’ll have someone there - after an intense “interview” to make sure they won’t try anything funny. There are times when he’s too overprotective, and you call him out on it, the core is Alfie wanting to protect you from his enemies. After he’s been shot, you relocate to Margate with him. Yes, he makes incredibly morbid jokes about his condition and your’s, and he’s still protective even if he’s falling apart.

LIZZIE STARK

She isn’t proud that she pitied you at first, wondering how you’d fit in with the Shelby company, but she was quickly proven wrong after working with you. She feels she has no right to judge you, and she makes a point to make sure the office is cozier to work at. Goodness knows Tommy doesn’t think about that. Eventually you and Lizzie will become friends or something more, and she’ll do little things to make your life easier, whether that be helping with work or helping out around the home. She’s happy when you move in together so she can better assist you, though she’s definitely not an overprotective or smothering sort. She’ll knock it off if you ask.

ISAIAH JESUS

You both met through his father, who often helped you out if you needed it, but Isaiah also just liked visiting with you over the years. Isaiah has always treated you respectfully but he couldn’t help getting a crush. He’s quite protective, wanting you to move to a better part of town and often volunteering to help you with things just so he can hang out with you. He tries to keep you out of trouble with the gang and its rivals, telling you as little as possible and pretending he isn’t as involved as he is. He’ll insist it’s for your own safety and he doesn’t want to upset your delicate constitution; feel free to give him a round of scoldings for that turn of phrase.

LUCA CHANGRETTA

You aren’t the usual sort of girl that Luca chases, so he’s less likely to put up his suave persona he likes to use with women. He’ll speak with you on a more personal and honest level. He’ll still spoil you like he does with all the women he’s interested in, but the gifts will seem far more personalized. Before you know it, you both would be dating, and eventually he’d insist on you moving in with him. While he’d respect your wants and independence, his old-fashioned tendency to care for you and keep you out of his family’s unsavory business would just be exacerbated.

ABERAMA GOLD

Aberama’s spoiling and doting doesn’t let up; if anything, he’d want to look after you even more. It never feels patronizing or overprotective, however. Caretaking has always been a way he expresses his love. However, he’ll feel guiltier about the long days he has to spend away from you. He’d likely have Bonnie or his daughters check on you and help out around your home; or maybe you could live with them, if that pleased you. He’d ensure you had a nicely put together wagon to accommodate whatever you needed! But if you prefer your own place, he’d still be happy to come in after a week of being away and give you lots of attention.