#I don't think I can ever listen to that song again with out ugly crying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luxaryllis · 1 year

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hi!! if you're accepting requests rn could you pls write just pure angst of azul with a younger sibling who he was super close to before, but when their parents got divorced they grew distant bc the sibling went to live with their dad instead of with him and his mom. then a few years later sibling ends up attending nrc and azul recognizes them and is excited to talk to them again only to discover that they're not the same as before.

rlly loved your scared younger sibling fics. they gave me chest pains bc of how damn sad they were. keep up the good work :)

Brother Knows Best

Note: OMG!! What is this!? I, Lux, FINALLY finishing something and posting it?! Has a miracle truly happened?!

Anyway, I'll just write the sibling of this one as a year younger than Azul, and the sibling was also be an octopus merfolk. I'm going to mention the reader having interests in some stuff, so please don't get offended if it doesn't apply to you. You can always just replace the traits I put as a trait of yours!

And imma just use Ashengrotto as the family name, cuz idk if Ashengrotto was the last name of Azul's bio father, or step-father, or the maiden name of his mother.

Warning/s: Parents divorcing, Split custody, Angst, Spoilers to Azul's backstory and past, Spoilers to Azul's Ceremonial Robes vignettes, Reader is mentioned to have somewhat similar features to Azul (specific features aren't specified), Tell me if I missed anything

Full post under the cut!

-----

"Big brother! Why are you crying?" A slightly smaller mer-octopus swam closer with a concerned expression.

Azul, who was hiding in an octopus pot, looked up to his sweet and innocent little sibling. The 7-year-old boy's eyes soften, and Azul knew that it was only a matter of time before his baby sibling, [Name], would go through all the bullying and teasing as well.

But Azul didn't want that. He wanted [Name]'s cute smile to last forever. He wanted [Name] to not have to see and experience the horrors of simply being themself. He wanted to protect [Name] from everything and everyone who dared hurt them.

Azul's heart squeezed in his chest as he realizes that he can't. He can't protect [Name]. Azul couldn't even protect himself! He truly was... a weak, dumb, slow little octopus...

Tormented by his thoughts, Azul continued sobbing, hiding further into the octopus pot, hiding his chubby face from his little sibling.

"Don't look at me!!" Azul cries out, accidentally spitting out ink from his tentacles, staining the waters around them. The mess caused Azul to cry even more, the ugly black liquids reminding him of what the other kids told him.

[Name] frowns softly, they didn't know why their big brother was upset. The younger mer-octopus moves closer to the octo-pot, trying to coax their older brother to come out.

"Zul-ie.. what's wrong? I don't like seeing you sad..."

Upon receiving no response, the younger child purses their lips in a pout.

"Come onnn...! Mom and dad made dinner! They made fried chicken! Your favorite!!"

---

"Big brother!! Look, look! Wanna hear this song I learned on the piano?!"

Piano keys played a gorgeous melody under [Name]'s fingers, and Azul watched with wide eyes full of wonder and pride. Azul felt a small sense of envy in him, but he couldn't find it in himself to acknowledge the jealousy, because Azul was too proud of his younger sibling to do that.

And yet...

As [Name] learned more and more, Azul couldn't help but feel... left behind.

As though [Name] doesn't need him anymore.

But... but that isn't true right? [Name] needs Azul... right...?

As days and years pass by, nagging feelings of envy and worthlessness bubble up in Azul as he watches his sibling shine.

'I should be proud of them,' he thinks to himself as his mind wanders while he was studying.

---

'Mom and dad don't love each other anymore...'

Those were the thoughts in the two siblings' heads while they listened to their parents argue for what felt like the umpteenth time. And today, it seemed as though everyone in the house had finally had enough of the screams and shouts.

Around a month or so later, the Ashengrotto family were in court, for a divorce trial. It was a somewhat long process, but the judge's words hit the two children like a truck.

"Mrs. Ashengrotto is to be given custody over Azul Ashengrotto. Whilst Mr. Ashengrotto is to be given custody over [Name] Ashengrotto."

When the Ashengrotto family split up, Azul and [Name] were desperately trying to stay together. It went to the point that their parents had to pull the crying siblings apart because [Name] and their father had to leave.

"Big brother!!! NO!!"

"[Name]!!! Don't leave me please!!"

---

"DON'T LEAVE ME!!"

Azul wakes up with a start, sitting up from the bed with wide eyes and heavy breathing. His hair was frazzled in a bedhead, and he quickly looks around.

The Octavinelle Dorm Leader recognizes his dorm room, and breathes a sigh. Not one of relief, but one of exhaustion. Azul reaches to his bedside table and takes his glasses, putting them on as he checks the clock. 5 am.

Next to the clock, Azul sees the small picture he placed. A family picture of him, his mother, his father, and his younger sibling. It was taken before his parents had divorced. When they were all happy...

Azul stares at his younger sibling in the picture, yearning to see them again. He reaches out a bit, but stops himself and shakes his head. 'Now is not the time', he thinks to himself. He shakily stands up and starts getting ready for the welcoming ceremony of the new first years of NRC.

Azul leaves the room and passes by Jade and Floyd's shared room. The house-warden could hear Floyd's complaining through the door and he sighs, knocking on the door and speaking.

"Floyd, would you stop complaining? Jade and I have to get ready for the Welcoming Ceremony, and you and the others have to start preparing for the welcome party for our new first years."

Almost immediately, Floyd replies with a slight whiney tone. "Says the person who wasn't wrung out like a rag for some lotion! I can barely walk!!" Azul could almost hear the pout in Floyd's voice and sighs in exasperation, listening to Jade trying to calm his brother down.

Deciding to leave the twin eels alone, Azul starts to walk away and head to the Lounge to make sure the preparations are going smoothly. As he walked, his mind can't help but wander to thoughts like if he and his own younger sibling would have a similar dynamic to Jade and Floyd. Hm, or would their dynamic be more like Idia's and Ortho's? Likely not, perhaps.

These thoughts weighed in Azul's mind, and he feels himself shaking his head, trying to rid himself of those thoughts. He hasn't seen his younger sibling for a long time; but Azul certainly hopes that [Name] didn't have such a drastic change like he did.

For some reason, Azul couldn't bear the thought of his previously happy-go-lucky and outgoing [Name] to be anything else other than such a happy mer-octopus. It was wishful thinking, but what kind of older brother would he be if he didn't wish only the best for his younger sibling?

---

When the time came for the Welcoming Ceremony to begin, the Housewardens (exceot for Malleus Draconia, who likely didn't receive the invitation, Azul thinks) were all lined in a circle surrounding the mirror, waiting for students to be sorted into their own dorms.

As each student was being sorted to their dorms, Azul takes the time to look at each student that seemed to catch his attention. None seemed very relevant thus far, maybe a few people he could exploit here and there.

"Next student!"

A student dressed in the NRC Ceremonial Robes stepped out of the crowd of the unsorted first-years. Their hood was on and casting a shadow down their face as they walked towards the mirror.

"State thy name." The mirror said when the student stepped up.

Suddenly, the student spoke a name that ran a shiver down Azul's spine. A name that Azul never thought he would hear no matter how much he wished to hear.

"[Name] Ashengrotto."

Jade raised an eyebrow and turned to Azul curiously, and some other students who recognized the last name also snuck some glances to the Octavinelle Dormleader. Azul could vaguely hear Idia's voice through the floating tablet, saying things like, 'Plot twist?!', but he paid no heed to it.

Azul's eyes were wide, and his mouth was lightly agape in surprise. His younger sibling... studying in NRC?!?

Questions ran through Azul's head in that moment. How is his younger sibling doing? Do they still like to play the piano? Or perhaps they still continued collecting those sea shells? Did [Name] still want to be a singer when they grew up? Do they still enjoy chasing their tentacles like a dog liked chasing its tail? Do they still have that same smile they always did; the one that brightened any room they were in and made their eyes glimmer like the stars land-folk liked to gaze at?

The Dark Mirror spoke again, "The shape of they soul is..."

Azul was beside himself with worry and anticipation. What dorm would his younger sibling be sorted into?

'Octavinelle, Octavinelle, Octavinelle', Azul chanted in his head, hoping for the Dark Mirror to sort [Name] in the dorm he was in.

"... Octavinelle!"

It took almost everything in Azul not to let out a sigh of relief, but he was celebrating in his mind. Suddenly remembering that he was the Dorm Leader of Octavinelle, he stepped up and made himself known to his beloved younger sibling.

Azul mustered up an amicable smile (and those who knew him were rather surprised at how genuine Azul's smile looked), and spoke. "Welcome to Octavinelle, right this way please."

[Name], not having realized who the person underneathe the hood was, nodded and walked to the crowd of Octavinelle students, waiting for the Welcoming Ceremony to be over.

---

After a rather tiring Welcoming Ceremony, with an entire fire getting started by a racoon-cat-monster named Grim, all the students (save for that one student who couldn't get sorted to a dorm) were allowed to leave and go back to their respective dorms.

The Octavinelle first-years were granted a delicious meal and celebration, and were all briefed on their duties in the Mostro Lounge. The entire time, Azul kept sneaking glances at [Name], which wasn't really left unnoticed by the twins or by [Name] themself.

Azul eventually mustered up the courage to approach his younger sibling and struck up a conversation.

"[Name], it's very nice to see you..! I'm Azul, remember? Your older brother?" Azul's voice was one of slight anxiety, did [Name] eveb remember him? It has been a while since they last even heard from each other..

[Name] turns to look at Azul and nods a bit, smiling a little. "Ah, right. It's so nice to see you again, Zulie."

Being referred to his favorite childhood nickname made Azul smile softly, but he couldn't shake off the surprise at seeing the change of demeanor in [Name]. Back when they were younger, [Name] was much more outgoing and enthusiastic compared to this [Name], who seemed to want to curl up in a ball when someone else tried making conversation with them.

Not even their smile fully reached their eyes anymore. Just what had happened to his beloved younger sibling in the time he was gone?

Internally hoping that his younger sibling hadn't changed too much, Azul tried to continue the conversation. "Ah, do you.. still play the piano?"

[Name] shook their head and smiled a little sheepishly in reply. "Oh, no I don't anymore. Atleast, not as often as before. I still play it occasionally, but I don't exactly find it as fun now."

"What about collecting sea shells? Surely, you still find that enjoyable?"

"Dad and I lived in a more colder part of the ocean, and there weren't a lot of sea shells to collect. So, no, not really."

"Ahh, I see... what do you like doing nowadays, then, [Name]?"

"Oh, well..." [Name] then proceeds to tell their older brother of their interests; though most (if not all) the things the younger Ashengrotto listed were things Azul weren't very interested in.

Regardless, Azul nods in understanding, trying not to mind how much his sibling had changed.

The next few weeks after that, Azul had found it hard to approach [Name]. Why? Well, maybe it was because of the fact that his younger sibling had grown rather attached to the Ramshackle prefect and a certain trouble-making trio (Ace, Deuce, and Grim).

Azul had enough of it, seeing his younger sibling get roped into trouble from their group of friends. When [Name] had came back to the dorm with the Heartslabyul's dorm leader's collar on them, Azul had to pull his younger sibling aside to talk.

"[Name], may I ask exactly why you have Riddle's collar on you? What did your friends bring you into this time?" Azul asked [Name] as they spoke in Azul's office. Azul was looking at his beloved younger sibling with furrowed brows and a scrutinizing expression.

[Name] replied, "It's a.. long story, big brother. Yuu, Ace, Deuce, Grim, and I were at Heartslabyul's Unbirthday Party. Dorm Leader Rosehearts got mad at us and collared us and kicked us out of the party because a rule was broken.."

Azul sighs in disappointment and exasperation. He can't believe his younger sibling associated themself with such troublemakers.

"[Name], honestly, why do you even hang out with such people?! They're getting you into trouble!"

[Name] tries to defend themself, "They don't mean to! And I can't just stand by and watch as my friends suffer on their own!"

Azul starts to get a little frustrated. Can't they see, those group of 'friends' as [Name] calls them are terrible influences. It's only a matter of time before they start using [Name] for their own benefit, Azul is sure about that. After all, [Name] has always been rather straightforward in the way that they won't hesitate to help (such values were strange to see in a school like Night Raven College). And Azul knew what happened to people like that; they get exploited, wrung out like a rag, draining them out until there's nothing left to give.

If [Name]'s friends were anything like the other students of NRC (like how Azul would treat his 'clients'), it would be so, so much worse for [Name]. Oh, Azul could practically see it now; it'll start small, like helping out with homework or lending some money. Eventually, it'll be like his younger sibling got the life and kindness sucked out of them, leaving them burnt out like a poor, unfortunate soul!

And Azul can't and won't let his beloved younger sibling go through that. He won't let [Name] fall from grace so terribly like the people who've broken their end of the deal with him.

And that is what Azul tells [Name] (leaving out the parts that paint Azul as the scheming businessman he is, of course) in an effort and attempt to dissuade his sibling from staying friends with their troublemaking friends.

"Don't you see, my dear sibling? They're only using you and their troublemaking schemes would run your student record through the mud. They're getting you involved in so much drama and troubles, and as your older brother, I'd hate for you to be surrounded by such terrible influences," Azul says.

[Name] frowns a bit. Azul worded it as though they hadn't done anything wrong, which wasn't all that far from the truth, though. However, [Name] also knew that Azul was thinking that they were being dragged against their will to help out, which they weren't.

"Big brother... I'm helping out willingly, because I want to. Besides, they're my friends. Didn't the Sea Witch always help other people? We're Octavinelle students, we must always follow the Sea Witch's values."

[Name] replies. The facts about Octavinelle and the Sea Witch were things that the younger Ashengrotto used to try convincing Azul to let them go.

Azul clicks his tongue, his eyes narrowing as he pushes up his glasses that were starting to fall a bit. "Then perhaps you should try getting better, more behaved friends instead of the ones you have right now. What happened to the well-behaved [Name] I used to know?" Azul mutters under his breath, but [Name] could still hear Azul's words.

[Name] frowns at the last question. "What 'happened' is that life happened, Azul. Not everyone stays the same! I've changed!!"

Azul, however, has difficulty getting behind the thought, shaking his head in denial, "Then change back!! [Name], I want the old you! The one who'd listen and trust me without a second thought! The one who was dependent on me! The one who actually made me feel special!!"

That was the last straw for [Name]. They have grown tired of their older brother trying to keep them the same as they used to when they were a child. Can't Azul just let go of the past? "Well that [Name] is gone!! I'm independent now, Azul! I'm not a child! Stop treating me like one!"

[Name] shouts in a burst of anger, before their eyes widen, not having expected themself to actually blow up like that. Not necessarily regretting it, though, the young Ashengrotto quickly turns away and leaves Azul's office, ignoring their older brother's shouts for them to come back.

---

Azul breathes heavily as he falls to his knees, watching as his younger sibling walks away from him, closing the door behind them. The sight can't help but remind Azul of the time when he and [Name] were separated; just this time, [Name] was being pulled away by their 'friends' instead of their father.

Azul can't believe this!! Did [Name] really just walk away from him?! After everything Azul did in hopes of having his dearest sibling back?! How dare they!

How dare they change! How dare they change so much to the point Azul barely recognizes them! How dare they move on from the past so quickly, as if it didn't bother them! And how dare they even think of choosing their friends over him!

How dare they make him cry! How dare they say words that hurt far more than when those pesky merfolk would bully him!! How dare they leave him there, with tears falling down his eyes and with a heart aching for family!

How dare they, how dare they, how dare they!!

Azul takes a deep breath of resolution, his eyes narrowing behind the glint of his glasses. Never mind, then. He'll show them, he just knows it.

Azul calls the Leech twins over to the office, preparing to make a plan for the upcoming exam season, a list of specific names he wants them to target.

He'll show [Name]. He'll show them that he's right. That big brother knows best.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst platonic #twst sibling reader #twst angst #azul ashengrotto

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kanmom51 · 1 year

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Hi. Recently discovered your blog.I am having fun reading it.. You nice keep going 💜

I was just listening to Letter and thinking how fast we moved on from it.

The ending lines from the song literally broke my heart into pieces

🎶because we don't know what days await us,

though it's scary , though we're afraid Never forget that we are together🎶

the way these lines always makes me wanna cry . They are literally sharing with us that they are afraid of what comes ahead in future for them as a couple. The kind of society they are living in. We sometimes tend to forget the kind of fear Jimin and Jungkook must be living with. It must be so hard on them it breaks my heart.

But I know they both are strong and together they are stronger and i want them to know that we jikookers will be there to support them and we all together will be the strongest.

also Jimin wrote this song for Jungkook and no one can change my mind. When Jimin wrote this song Jungkook was on his mind, when Jimin released it as a hidden track Jungkook was on his mind and while Jimin was saying this is a fan song.. Mr.Jungkook was on his mind.

Letter for me stands right next to GCF at Tokyo.

Letter. Omg, I love that song. Can I just sit there and listen to it on repeat? Although not a very good idea, cause I just wouldn't stop crying.

youtube

Those lines at the end, JK joining in, confirming their together, so so beautiful and emotional, and definitely not for Army.

It's not only their own society they fear @youaremyparkfilter.

They know the fandom. They know the good, the bad and the extremely ugly of it. They know that coming out as queer individually will be a big issue for many fans, even more so for JK's stans (it is what it is).

But coming out as a queer couple, that will be a massive earthquake in the fandom. And again, nothing to do with how it will be accepted or rejected in Korea.

In Korea both JM and JK are loved, adored (yes there are haters, but there always are, you just cannot be loved by everyone). People that lifted them to where they are, Princes of Busan, the black and white couple, the sun and moon couple, people that see them as a representation of SK in the world and say it out loud, how loved they are, how proud they are of them.

In saying that, I think that a big lump of those don't actually see them as a queer couple, they just can't envision it, as queer is such an alien notion to them. Even with all their shenanigans. That's the whole glass closet and stretching boundaries within their reality as Kpop idols. Many people, in Korea and out, even if they acknowledge their closeness, do not or will not see beyond it into maybe, just maybe, them being a queer couple.

If they ever do 'come out', there will be those in Korea that do flip flop on them (and I'm not talking about the ones that throw hate at them already), although I personally think not as many as feared. They have been loved for such a long time, it will be harder to turn around and suddenly hate on them (although sometimes the line between love and hate is very thin). Not to mention how hard it will be for people, officials as well, to flip back on calling them the face of Korea, pride of Korea etc.

Make no mistake though, there will be a lot of hate (and it will be very loud, as we all know very well), and their families would receive a big chunk of it (easier/softer targets because of who and what JM and JK and BTS represent).

I think many would take pause, they would perhaps be initially shocked (some not so much, more like a eureka moment for them, like "oh, that explains everything..."), but at the end of the day the blow to their careers won't be the level of Holland's. Because of who they are, because of others that are paving the way (including Holland), because let's be honest here, they are artists and want to continue creating and performing and succeeding, but even if they take a hit their fandom is so friggin huge that whatever happens they will continue to succeed, and I do believe they will gain fans too because of that brave move, because of people realizing just how much their art is representative of themselves. Not to mention the level of impact it will have in Korea for recognition and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community. In a society like Korea you have the very loud anti LGBTQ+ religious groups, you have those with the old fashioned backwards way of thinking, you have those that don't think or care either way (as long as it doesn't concern them) and you have those that are part of the LGBTQ+ community or support it and their fight for equal rights and protection by law. On that spectrum I believe you will find that a big piece of society can be swayed. And people like that who will see these two young men who they have grown to love come out as queer, they can have a change of mind, a moment of enlightenment/ realization that perhaps love is love is love. Maybe that's me being over optimistic, but I really don't think so. Because that's how change is made. That is how change was made in the West.

But, there will always be a price, and all of this is purely speculation (no way of me knowing just how bad it could get for them). It's their lives, their safety, their careers on the line and they are the ones that are living this reality and having to hide who they are and who they love at the moment, and will be living this conundrum on a daily basis.

So to sum it up, I believe there will be a hit but not a crushing one to their careers if they ever do decide to take that step. I'm not expecting it of them though. I know it will be a huge step forward for the LGBTQ+ community in SK if they do, but it's their lives, their careers, their loved ones, their decision.

It's a bloody scary thing to do, and it impacts not only them but also their families, their loved ones, their bandmates. This is a decision they will have to make together, and they will most likely make some sort of decision post MS. One way or another, I think things will change post MS. Contracts will change too. Just how much it will change, that is the million dollar question.

God, did I digress....

After saying all of that, I do want to back pedal a bit to your ask and to those specific lines in Letter.

I think they engulf not only the fear of being a queer couple in an unfriendly society, but also the upcoming uncertain future of military service, being apart for such a long time after being together for what seems like forever, not being able to be there for each other in this oh so scary new reality of military service that is looming over them. The uncertainty of this time to come and what lies ahead. All of that is engulfed into those lines of the song.

Anyway, the song is beautiful.

The song is a love song. And we aren't the recipients of said letter, said love song.

Letter is a song for JK disguised as a song for army.

Letter is addressed to JK, for army to hear.

#`ask

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imsogayyippee · 4 months

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playlist anon back again here's the highlights

Butch 4 Butch - Rio Romeo

I Love You Like An Alcoholic - The Taxpayers

Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!) - Will Wood (you ever see those videos of cosplays where one person is sitting on a chair and the other person is walking around them kinda pushing them around while this plays? Yeah that.)

Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber

Trees II - McCafferty (this is just vibe but I think it makes sense)

Choke - I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (my friend says this is THE timlex song)

505 - Arctic Monkeys ("I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck" / "or I did last time I checked")

Milk Carton - Mercy Necromancy

GAHHH sorry im gonna yap about butch 4 butch n more gay shit i hope youdont mind.

this song is SO FUCKING ENTRY 54 TO ME. AUGHGUHDUSHGS.

"My sweetheart's piano is rat filled/And mine is infested with bugs/The music we make is unnatural/But it sounds just like falling in love"

DO YOU GET ME. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.

"Tomorrow we'll dig through the garbage/And we'll fish out all kinds of neat trash/And when we go back to my apartment/She'll probably kick my fucking ass"

"I sing her songs in my garage/And make her fall in love with me/And once we're done/The sun is gone/We both just sit so nervously/I talk real slow/And speak real low/Hoping she'll lean into me/But we just laugh cause/What was that/We can't take ourselves seriously"

"She makes me go weak in the knees/But I can't let her see me swoon/Or else she will think I am sweet"

IM SICK IM SICK AOAIUAHGU THEY MAKE ME SO SICK.

anyways. i love you like an alcoholic

"Cast that first glance: your smile, my veins"

entry 84. it was love at first sight btw. yeah im right it's canon.

"Kissed that first night/And then the rain opened up the sky to get"

RAIN??? LIKE ENTRY 54? 😦😦😦😦

"I need you like I need a broken leg"

adding this cause it's funny

"Some handsome dark stranger/You were standing there on the corner/You had those compelling magnetized/Eyes you must have lost when you got older"

um. what role did alex immediately give tim when they met. yeah

"Seven blocks in, my fingers brushed your hand/I blushed and you laughed/But you seemed a little sad/I ain't one to jump a ship/But I absolutely knew/I was six steps in when I fell into you"

I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!!!! /nsrs

anyways i listened to laplace's angel (i didn't remember which song it was even if i had heard it bfore. btw no i havent seen those videos sorry 😭😭) and um. kills them with my mind

"Could you take a look at me?/Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?/And now we're singing, ooh, whatever you think of me/If you were in my shoes, you'd walk the same damn miles I do"

PARALELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"It doesn't take a killer to murder/It only takes a reason to kill"

AUGHGHSH THEY MAKE ME SICK. ALEX FUCKING KRALIE.

"The only ones in need of love are those who don't receive enough/So evil ones should get a little more"

I THINK I HAUVE COVID.

"If you were in my shoes, you’d see I wear the same size as you"

FALLS HITS MY HEAD AND DIES.

sorry i would talk about baby hotline but the kind of lyrics it has are kinda hard to "analyze" like im doing with other songs 😭

"Cute guy, nice face/Wrong time, wrong place/I knew in a matter of a minute/His face was smashed/His skin was burnt/His shirt was torn in the dirt"

oh. ok then,dies

"I need you more than you need me/You're beautiful and smart and kind/While I am ugly, full of lies" "And I can't be with you anymore/I can't live like this anymore/I can't hold your heart anymore/I need you to go on without me"

.🙁🙁

read the lyrics of choke um. yeah i see it. all i have to say is toxic old men yaoi except theyre not old

"I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck/Or I did last time I checked" "But I crumble completely when you cry/It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye"

.🙁

"When you put a knife to my neck/My stomach doesn't fill with dread/It's fill with butterflies instead/And when you threaten to do things to me/I don't scream"

ANON WHEN I GET YOU. /VPOS

anyways. that's it i hope yuo liked me talkig about gay peopel like and subscribe for more!!!!!!

#marble hornets #tim wright #alex kralie #timlex #asks

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lumiheartszz · 8 months

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hi so i was wondering if you could write a wilbur soot x blackfem!reader?maybe where the readers his girlfriend and she’s having some doubts abt her body and wilbur helps her. it can be smut or fluff or both, im fine with either one

Okay !!

Here for you <3

Some fluff for yall !!

Kinda angst but comfort at the end !!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ ʚɞ ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

You eyed yourself in the mirror, eyebrows furrowing as your gaze landed on your body. Your eyes watered at the sight. You weren't very fond of yourself, and when you saw yourself, your own reflection staring back at you,

It was your final straw.

You started breaking down right in front of the mirror, tears freely flowing down as sobs escaped your throat. Why did you have to look like this? Why couldn't you have looked like some pretty girl on Pinterest or something? Why can't you just be PERFECT, LIKE THEY ARE?

Your thoughts were soon interrupted by your boyfriend, coming into the room, his smile dropping as soon as he registered what you were feeling.

"Love?! Oh fuck-!" Almost immediately, he went to you, kneeling towards you and kissing your face all over. "Fuck -- what happened? Why're you crying? L-love? Did anything happen? Are you okay?" Questions tumbled out his mouth as he placed his large hands on your cheeks out of pure worry. "I-I'm fine... I just... I don't know, Wilbur. Why? Why do you still love me? Why do you love me when I look like... like this...?" You started to cry again. This devastated Wilbur. You were the most breathtaking, absolutely gorgeous woman he had ever laid his eyes upon, so he never knew you thought that lowly of yourself.

"Sweetheart... listen to me, alright? You aren't ugly... don't think so lowly of yourself... your body? It's absolutely gorgeous, stunning, perfect..." his hand traced circles on your stomach as his forehead leaned against yours.

"Fuck, you're the most beautiful person I've ever even seen..." he clasped his hands with yours, passionately crashing your lips against his. He pulled away, smiling as his thumb caressed under your lip. "Whoever made you think that you're ugly, they're a dumb bitch, and I hate them, okay? You're literally perfection embodied. It feels illegal to look at you, because it's like looking at a goddess who stepped upon earth..."

He used the back of his hand to caress your cheeks, his free hand combing through your pretty curls. Wilbur's lips meet your forehead, resting there for two seconds before he pulled away, kissing your stomach next. "Shit, Wilbur..." you smiled at him. "I love you so much, god, it's insane how much I do..." this earned a smile from Wilbur. "And I love you too, angel. Never forget that." He says before pulling his guitar onto his lap. "How about I serenade you on this fine evening, beautiful?"

You tilt your head at him, smiling at how happy he was to sing wonderful songs to you. "Go ahead, love. I wouldn't stop you." He started strumming his guitar,

"I hate the way that I talk,"

"When the words won't give off"

"The kind of praise esteemed of you..."

"And what the hell could I say,"

"When you're two stars from grace?"

He looked up at you, a smile tugging at his lips before singing the next lyric.

"And the world, it turns for you?"

♡

#wilbur soot #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot fluff #wilbur soot x you

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bambi-kinos · 2 years

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I agree that Here, There and Everywhere is about John. I recall Peter Asher saying it wasn't about Jane. Makes sense, as the lyrics about undying love contradict the lyrics of For No One on the same album. Everyone agrees For No One is about Jane. My Love is also about John IMO. It's in the hands of my love (we know he loved John's hands) and he quotes HTAE - I'll still find *something there* with my love, it's *everywhere* with my love. John reportedly cried when he heard the song. Really?

Oh, anon. Believe it or not I had not heard this song before you mentioned it here. First of all: wow, what a wonderful 70s piece. This song is an incredible encapsulation of everything good about 70s music. That climbing guitar, the keyboard, Paul's voice, the minor key, the devotion, holy hell. I can see why this hit #1. This is art, I've been listening to it for five hours now.

Let's look at these lyrics together, anon. We'll cut out the chorus and focus on the meat:

I absolutely believe John cried at this song. How could he not?

And when I go away I know my heart can stay with my love It's understood, it's in the hands of my love And my love does it good

You're right about John's hands being referenced here. I can imagine Paul having a thing for hands in general since he's a guitarist but John's hands were special to him as we know. Remember that line Paul has in Help! at the palace, when he's asked if hands are ugly or beautiful and he just replies, "Some hands." He's obviously thinking about John's hands in that moment. We can safely assume that when he references "hands," he is thinking of John's in particular:

And when the cupboard's bare I'll still find somethin' there with my love It's understood, it's everywhere with my love And my love does it good

>domesticity -- again, kitchen oriented (did Paul ever cook for John?) >being down on your luck/otherwise having a bad day >relying on your loved one to pick you back up

Oh yeah, it's John Lennon time. And you know what else this passage reminds me of?

Never understood a word But you were always there with a smile

And when the cupboard's bare I'll still find somethin' there with my love

Time to cry!!!!!!!

Oh, I love, oh, my love Only my love holds the other key to me

This is how you know it's a ballad written for John and Linda both -- they both saw the secret parts of Paul that he doesn't show anyone else. They held that key...though I guess in 1973 John may not have been so sure about that anymore with everything that happened. No wonder he cried.

Don't ever ask me why Lord, I never say goodbye to my love It's understood, it's everywhere with my love And my love, she does it good

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me I know I need never care But to love her is to need her everywhere Knowing that love is to share

I am fucking feral.

Anon your brain is massive. Thank you for this gift.

#here there and everywhere #red rose speedway #mclennon #paul mccartney #john lennon #talktalktalk #the music

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seungiee-sunshine · 1 year

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𝒦-𝓅𝑜𝓅 𝓈𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘪𝘥𝘰𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵. 𝘐 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘒-𝘱𝘰𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘐'𝘮 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦 𝘺'𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯.

"𝘌𝘷𝘦, 𝘗𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘦 & 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥'𝘴 𝘞𝘪𝘧𝘦" - LE SERRIAFIM

If I hear that godforsaken "boom, boom, boom" again, I will punch a wall and then throw myself off a fucking cliff. This song has been overplayed so much. I used to love listening to it, but now I absolutely hate it. I will still do the dance because it is undoubtedly fun, but I can't listen to the song anymore, not if I want to stay sane.

𝘍𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 - JYP (ft. Superbee, BIBI)

My friend forced me to watch the M/V, and I wish I had gone blind. The song itself isn't any better. I can tolerate BIBI's rap, but any of Jyp's verses will have me wanting to crawl into the fetal position and cry my eyes out. Like what possessed this man to create this song, nevertheless, create that atrocious M/V. If I'm ever forced to endure that pain again, I will rip my eyeballs out and then stick knives into my ears.

𝘉𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦 - Enhypen

I will make sure I go deaf if I ever, EVER hear that fucking chorus again. I don't know what happened, but after I was subjected to this song for over a damn month, the switch in my brain flipped. I fucking hate this song. If you like it, good for you, but keep this thing away from me, unless you want to see some ugly tears or a beast that will inevitably destroy whatever device produces even a fraction of a second worth of that stupid ass song.

(This one came off a little strong, but seriously I despise this song.)

𝘗𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘮 - Blackpink

Nope. Not for me. I tried so much to like this song, but I failed miserably. The chorus is catchy and gets stuck in my head, but it is not in the slightest bit enjoyable. I legit want to knock myself out just to get away from the waking nightmare that is that chorus.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳 - Twice

I will have a mental breakdown if I ever hear the words "I'm gonna be a star" ever again...

𝘛𝘢𝘯𝘬 - Nmixx

Okay, I don't hate this song, but I don't like it either. I dislike everything but Lily's verse, the "you can see..." yeah, that part. The chorus throws me off anytime it comes on, why does it sound like that?

𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 - Blackpink

I think I overplayed this too much when I was younger because I used to love it. Now I can't stand it. honestly, it just didn't age well, and it's just not the kind of song I can't find myself ever listening to again.

𝘍𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺 - Big Bang

I can only tolerate this song when I watch the Stray Kids cover because Felix's part is literally PHENOMENAL. If I were to ever listen to the original again, I'd have to be strapped down and sedated, or else I would be making my great escape, just so I'd never have this assault my ears again.

𝘞𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘏𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦 -BTS

No, it's not the lyrics, it's just the song itself. I don't like it, go argue with the wall cuz' you're not changing my mind.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘶𝘱𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯. 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘰, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰�� 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘳, 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘢'𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘶𝘵𝘴. :)

And just know these are just my opinions, if you like these songs good for you, listen to them all you want, they just aren't for me.

#kpop songs I hate #this is just my opinion #dont take it too seriously #we all have different music tastes #my opinion #kpop #random kpop thoughts #feel free to ignore #please don't hate me #:)

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shahvv · 1 year

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Falling in love♡

I've always thought being able to fall in love and get to be with the one you love is lucky. Why ? Because not everyone gets to be with someone they love. Not everyone gets their feelings returned and not everyone can fall in love.

I've been there. I've sat down in the middle of the night, where the rest of the world is sleeping quietly. I sat down and stared blankly at the wall wondering why I couldn't fall in love with anyone. Why do I envy my friends relationships.

Then the thought drifted away from why "I couldn't fall in love" to "why doesn't anyone fall in love with me" .

Hundreds, thousands, heck, millions people alive in this huge world, yet no one, not even one person, has ever liked me.

The thought drifted away to my insecurities. Am I that ugly outside? Is it my chubby cheeks? Am I unattractive? Is it because i wasn't skinny? Is it because of my tan skin? Is it because of my lack of social interaction? Is it because I looked unapproachable? Or

Is it because i'm not worthy enough to be loved by someone?

I've now fallen in love with someone. It has been almost a year already. Everywhere I go, even in crowded places, my gaze always falls on him, always noticing where he sits, with whom, and what is he doing. I've always watched him.

The first time I realized I'd fallen for him, I tried to push away my own feelings. I told myself it wasn't love. How could it be? We never talked with each other. I barely know him.

Yet the more I tried to push it away, the more bigger it got. The more stronger it feels. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it makes me happy, sometimes I cry.

I don't know.

After awhile of rejecting and hiding my own feelings, some of my friends found out this stupid crush that I tried my best to throw away.

They encouraged me to be honest with my feeling; they supported me in being with him. They encourage me to make the first move.

Yet I couldn't. Yes, sometimes I do look at you during classes. When the teacher was telling stories in front, I watched you silently as you struggled to finish the sudoku books at the back of the classroom in front of the back window.

My sketchbooks, which were used to be filled with my fictional crushes and my OCs, are now full with you. I drew you. Every chance I had, I grabbed my pencil.

Before I even realized it, your faces were everywhere in my drawing, to the point that I couldn't show my sketchbooks to anyone, afraid they would notice it was you in my drawing.

I like you. No, I love you. Three words that would never slip out of my mouth.

How much do you think I like you?

I've made a special playlist of the song that reminded me of you, I wrote about you in one of my essays about the love of my life. My friends are growing tired listening to me talk about you all the times—all the drawings I've made just for you, all the words of encouragement I whisper every time you do something.

When I heard you had a girlfriend, how sweet you treat her, I couldn't help but grinning at the thought of your sweet gesture. Even if it is not for me.

I heard you wrote a letter to her; I heard you gave your full attention to her; I heard how much you love her.

And it broke my heart when I heard you broke up with her.

Watching your Tiktok repost, your Instagram highlights, watching you ramble about how much you miss her.

I hold my breath.

All my friends told me this was my chance to confess to you. But I refused.

I knew you would never love me the same way I love you.

Or maybe I was afraid— I was afraid to be hurt. Maybe I was dumb. No, I am dumb.

Even so, I'll continue to watch you from afar. Continue to admire you from where I am standing now. Supporting you from the back.

My love, my dream guy, the one that pulled every string inside my heart effortlessly without you ever realizing.

If it's fate, Im sure we will meet again one day.

When that day comes, I'll make sure to introduce myself properly. I'll make sure we have a proper conversation.

And maybe, I would have the courage to tell you that

I love you.

But for now, I'll let it slip from my hands. As i watched, you faded into the crowd, leaving me and my feelings behind.

After all, not everyone is lucky enough to have someone they love love them back. And Im part of that unlucky group, I guess.

#crush #love confessions #high school love #secret admirer #venting #one sided crush

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a1li-ens · 2 years

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hiii ^-^ what's your favorite slow damage route been so far? Also, what song is stuck in ur head and... If you were an ice cream flavor, what kind would you be?

THESE R FUN QUESTIONS im going to answer the slow damage one last because i just realized i typed half an essay.

⭐song in my head rn: honestly my neighbor is playing deafening shitty edm or something while washing his car so my brain only has room for one song at a time BUT before that was ningen mitai ne by kitani tatsuya!! go listen to it i have listened at least 500 times in 6 months.

⭐ice cream flavor - THIS IS HARD i have little concept of the self . maybe the pink/blue bubblegum flavor?? i am also pink and blue and focus on colour before anything else such as taste. I like eating pistachio and strawberry though but they are all nice!!

⭐SLOW DAMAGE QUESTION UNDER BREAK I WROTE TOO MUCH!!! has spoilers !!

⭐fav route in slow damage: DEFINITELY FUJIEDA!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HIS ROUTE IS SO BEAUTIFUL 😭 it's easily the best one from a plot standpoint as well like probably my fav vn route in general, I am going to avoid crying about literally the whole plot in this ask but the whole setup with the cardboard box and the other routes info!!! SO COOL AND AMAZING!!

and OBVIOUSLY I am crushed and scrunched up from the towa backstory stuff in his route WHO WOULDNT BE!!! THEY ARE SO PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ (I am emotional to the point I am struggling to be coherent) just two broken dudes living together as a married couple but they don't even think they are dating,……. Oh my god like legitimately they will be engaged before they are boyfriends. I think their wedding cake should have two bunnies on top tears are welling up in my eyes I might draw this today.

ANYWAY it's perfect and beautiful. Even I admit Fuji looks so fugly as a lawyer. And I hate that dumb penis CG quota filling out of character SA scene well at least towa liked it even if I don't. BUT tbh the contrast between 3/10 ugly lawyer Fuji and 10/10 nice looking Fuji makes him better actually ❤️ but he is so well written even if he stayed ugly I would love him I am just lucky he is cute LMFAOO 🥰

ALSO HELPP THE BEACH SCENE … HAVE U EVER SEEN ANYTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL AND MOVING IN YOUR LIFE ….. THEY ARE BOTH FINALLY SO HAPPY!!! WHEN THE DRAMA CD IS OUT…IT WILL BE. TRULY OVER FOR ME….. IF ANYONE FINDS A RIP AFTER ITS RELEASE PLS SEND IT EVEN WITHOUT ENGLISH…I LOVE THE ARTBOOK SIDESTORY TOO... MALEWIFE TOWA IS CUTE

I WANTED TO LOOK AT THIS AGAIN.. SO U CAN TOO!

OH YEAH .. I RLY LIKE FUJI BAD END AS WELL.. my fav out of those as well . besides towa looking great with his big smiley face it was really fun and thrilling in a scary way!!! u know those pics of like a mob boss sitting on a chair doing talking about crimes with a trophy wife next to them. thats what i think would be happening after this with fuji maybe ill draw that. (tangentially i was hoping madarames BE would have a cg like that with towa im a bit disappointed it didnt ! )

my next fav route was Reis!! i feel like ive written too much but do yall want other route thoughts. i like this game so much 🥺

#slow damage spoilers #slow damage #allien asks

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halinlangan · 9 months

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A birthday letter

dont know how to write a perfect introduction to a long ass birthday post so let me throw in a not-so-fun fan theory, did you know that 27 of Fall Out Boy is a reference to the 27 Club (artists who died at age 27)? I jokingly claimed 27 as my song last year not knowing that my whole 27th year existence will make me consider suicide more often than I can ever imagine. If I am able to post this, (I really hope that it is the case), please be continue reading because you might be able to pick up something that will help you save a life. Hehe, The Fray.

My 27th started with a heartbreak and it was so cliche in movies that I failed to process what I really felt. I've cried a lifetime's worth of tears from everything that has happened after that day and I am still crying as I write this, whatever this is. I'm depressed and bipolar (diagnosed) and I am not sharing that because I want you to pity me or take my side, it is just what I am... or atleast what I am now.

So, how did a depressed, heartbroken woman spent her 27th year? Struggling. While most of the people in my age group write success stories, wedding vows, and wins, I am stuck begging for something good to happen, something to look forward just to extend my life. I spent most of my time looking and learning (stalking) potential triggers, trying to assure myself that every horrible feeling that I've felt was not horrible enough to throw in the towel, seeking validation from people, and making myself smaller and smaller so people won't leave me because I'm so small now that crumbs of love, respect, and basic human decency feels like a gift.

I will not tell you how sad it is to live a life where you feel like you're replaceable and worthless, instead I will tell you how I tried to cope up with it. I became a people pleaser, and yes, I know that word even before taylor's song haha. Money, time, energy, everything that I can give I let go as if I don't need it, even though most of the time it leaves me empty. When it is not enough, I gaslight myself that I am okay with whatever. "I'm not a ghost, people are just busy. I'm not ugly, it is just easier to compliment other people. It is not because they don't care when you sad post or hint about committing suicide, they probably think that it was just your type of humor. It is just microcheating. It is just cheating, atleast he is still with you." If you make it a drinking game and take a shot for every time I try to gaslight myself, you'll be either alcoholic or dead. Just like if you make how many times I think about jumping or od-ing my way out of this miserable life, a drinking game you're probably rolling on the floor now. "Si OA" you might think but to give you an idea how bad it is I told my boss that I can't go to work because all I can think of that day is jumping. I don't get sick that often so if I said that I'm too sick to do something I'm probably lying and is just suicidal. I've been like this so often that in silence I can hear it. To be honest, I want to stop writing this now and just do it but writing this is how I cope. I write a lot of shitty notes on my phone. Incoherent stuff just like this. I tried to learn spanish, to paint again, to travel, to go to concerts, to listen to good music, to be healthy, to be pretty, to be smart, to be good, to be dependable, to be whatever and whoever it is that people need. I tried my very best to be the best friend but you still dont see me hanging out that often. I tried to be the best girlfriend but I got cheated on and lied to, not once, but god know how many times now. I tried to be a good person but I am still being demonized by people who know nothing about me. If being mean and nonchalant became the trend, I swear I was sleeping in my tiny room completely clueless.

Anyway, I'm starting to dissociate and as much as I want to write more, there is really nothing more to talk about. I just want to tell you that the best way to save a life is to be honest. People will know if you're just making an excuse, if you're lying, if you are just making something up and they are not dumb if they chose to believe you anyway. Anxious people observes more, listens better, and see much more than what you are trying to show and tell them. We know. We know how unwanted we are, we know that you don't prioritize us and we definitely know when you are taking us for granted. We know and we still gaslight ourselves just to soften up the blow. At some point being good and understanding becomes too much that we start to pity ourselves. At some point, it will drive us mad. and then, what?

Happy 28th birthday to me. I'm not really happy but I'll take birthday greetings as a win because who knows when it will be condolences and good byes.

#suicide

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wa-kaizen · 2 years

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channeling you and your soulmate | PAC

art credit; tono @/t0no idea credit; my violet @the-wild-candy

this idea does not belong to me but to violet/elly!

I thought it's a beautiful and very sweet idea! i never saw anything like this before so i would like to try it! keep in mind these can be both a platonic or romantic soulmate! if you feel called to multiple don't be afraid to check out each. this will be focused mainly on conversations and the way you two will interact.

with this I will use tarot as a guide not as a base for the reading! so instead of the usual 50%, this one will be 80% intuition, so take it as it resonates.

PAID READINGS ♡ masterlist

꒰ piles ꒱

→ 1 , 2 ,3

→ 4, 5, 6

sections ༉˚

‐ conversations

- moments

- random things that come through

- media that might be relevant - songs/movies/shows -

- things that connect your soul to one another

- your differences & things you share in common

- signs before you two met/will meet

꒰ welcome ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

— have fun!

꒰ pile one ꒱

black and white lady cats on a walk, facing each other

cards the hanged man, queen of pentacles, seven of swords, dove, cow, bear, archangel mary, seraphim seraphina, archangel haniel

cocoon of white light - rest in perfect love, understand oneness, shower of blessing, - open yourself to receive, pay it forward, caring community - participate and belong, enrich your life

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" Should I get this checked out? " " For the third time I am no- Oh God, that looks ugly as hell "

" If I would be a star among millions of others would you look at me? " " I would search the sky just to find out where you went "

" Why don't you go? " " I want to see your face for a little longer "

" I think I might be bipolar " " babe, we already got the medical diagnosis "

" Hey Stacy- " " I am NOT listening to that joke again "

" Have you ever heard about this theory of- " " Yes, I am listening "

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

The wind brushes their hair onto their face as they smile at you looking forward yelling cheerful nothing as you are in a good mood causing them into slowly falling in love with you.

Them walking home in the dark, in winter, snow surrounding the street they are walking in, which happens to be small. Warm street light shines on their face when they receive a text from you which will either result in; crying, running to you or feeling loved. The message you will send will depend on how your day will affect you.

Two people dancing to the ketchup song in some sort of gathering in a house, being silly and enjoying their time together. It possibly being morning or night time since both people look comfortable rather than dressed up.

Soup being cooked on a stove, person in charge of cooking making their heart's loved one taste it. - It's a traditional reddish looking dish and has potatos if I might add. -

Laying next to one another, listening to music while sharing earphones/airpods, feminine having eyes closed and relaxing being unaware of masculine watching with adoration in their eyes, full of love. - Hearing dandelions. -

Painting together, cheeks messy from black paint, both holding the same brush while trying to make strokes on a white canvas. - this could be a symbolism for some. -

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

greys, sunflower seeds, oversized shirts, a white puppy, 80s, death of loved one, sneakers, a place! a rock in front of a river surrounded by trees but not quite a forest, ants?, culture - you two have different ones most likely -, swimming, live savers, old 2006 camera - grey with stickers, apple stickers?, hay hat, fair?, theme park, 'aim well and win!', the ketchup song - y aserejé-ja-dejé de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva majavi an de bugui an de güididípi aserejé-ja-de jé -

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

mr krabs memes, tiktok, gen z, food accounts - saw girl eating dumplings - , dumb humour - disrespectful at times disgusting, very much gen z humour but not 'quirky' one hidden as secret desires, y'all are just both weird -, gangnam style - ? -, '🐱 clean 🐱 tight 🐱 fresh' - get help /j -, joe jonas - ??? -, disney, stereotyping, social judment, cultural apprication, 'dumb truck', hot in here by nelly, rocks - music & and literal rock -, electric guitar, lot of blacks & neutrals, cold play, 'if happy ever after did exist'

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

You both went through a kind of lesson that have pained your soul a lot in the past, and possibly still affects your trust. This is for sure love related, someone close to you two hurt both of you in ways so similar to each other.

It can be related to friends, parents but for most of you this is a romantic love interest who happened to cheat on you.

For them while this made them more appricative of what they have and may go out of their way to show affection due to trauma, they also have trust issues and might be insecure even though they try to hide it. They are very calm & gentle, their aura is very pure too. While for you this experience made you very paranoid and emotionally aggressive, I can see you accusing them while yelling. This is due to a mis --- understanding. This will be the root of the problem in this relationship. They are the calm and gentle earth while you are the explosive fire capable of destroying it. I know this is a hard to swallow pill for most of you however, for the majority of you the toxic - or hurtful - person in the relationship will in fact be you. Not saying you aren't able to love them, I sense many many love here, however you need to do heavy shadow work to regulate your emotions in a healthy manner.

Trigger warning; Mentions of R4P3

I know, I know, that sounds scary for some of you, but it's fine, it is indeed not for all of you. If you have been betrayed by a friend there's a huge possibility they have been betrayed the same way as you if not the exact same.

That betrayal could have been them sleeping with your ex or crush, them befriending the person who raped you, them hurting a little sibling of yours by bullying them, them disrespecting your mom.

Literally anything you can possibly think of. They have went through the pain you do, and they understand, they want to talk and they know you want to talk as well.

Here, there is no anger, no explosion, just two hurt souls connecting over what was supposed to turn out love yet turned onto a knife in your back.

I got a vision of you two laying on your back, outside while looking up at the sky, talking about all the things you two experienced, shedding tears and talking about how none of you deserved to go through that. - and I agree, you didn't. -

Otherwise, the rest is people who connect over trauma from their parents who were equally bad in raising them. Maybe mental health problems as well.

Such as depression or anxiety. Or who separate ones, who "compliment" one another. - For example, your weakness being their strength and vise visa, thus helping each other grow in specific eras in life. -

What came to my mind upon that is ADHD and Autism, but of course, you should rather take this as an example and not as a fact.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

You two, to no surprise share a lot in common.

They share your fashion style - although they are more fashionable -, your humour, love language, level of intelligence, societal understanding, morals, political views, joy for things in life and even the things you two hate.

Anything that could be the core of your being.

Your sense of self could be the same, however your nature could be the complete opposites. I would say almost as if you two are twin flames. - Do not take my word for it though. -

They are gentle, sweet, understanding, good with words, charismatic, someone who always has control over their situation.

You are passive, think with your emotions, impulsive, assuming, judging and can misunderstanding situations.

That is of course not the core of your being, but in this reading that's what came through.

It's the sun and moon, bringing out the best of one another.

Nurturing and protect, comfort and bravery.

You might think you are the moon, but in reality they are.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

Rocks near rivers and trees, greys, crabs, - old - memes, 'sweets and kisses' - you will know better than me what this means, blues, anime, clouds, soft cybercore, friends, water, swimming, downing - in movie/show -, old music, reggae

Thank you for reading.

꒰ pile two ꒱

ginger cat lady holding an umbrella, girl in blue dress next to her, them holding the hands of multiple young kittens

cards four of wands, five of wands, the sun, panda, ant, llama, archangel muriel, guardian angel, archangel roquiel

listen to your heart - awaken your spirit abilities, tune in infinite, mahatma energy - build your light body, accelerate your ascension, unicorn portal - focus your light, listen for a message

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" Partners in crime bestie! " " C-Clair/Clarence? Clair/Clarence I am trying to focus "

"Choose th- " " Kisses " " I didn't even finish " " I need a kiss "

" You can be James and I will be Jessie "

" Anyway, and then she slapped him! " " With those nails?! "

Y'all would gossip quite a lot, nothing harmful though.

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions

Feminine being speechless, standing and staring at masculine with an open mouth while wearing a brown suit. - No, it does not show what shocked you. -

Shorter person in question crying while looking up at the taller one, wearing a white form of top wear - hoodie, zip up ect - being hurt and mad, being hugged by taller person after a comfort smooch. - Not a sensual kiss, only pureness -

Both people in question laying next to a pool on white beach chairs, feminine in striped - white and blue - bikini and the masculine in black shirt with darker pool shorts. Just vibing.

Feminine playing with a white dog at an open space - those typical chained up dogs who are usually outside -, masculine secretly adoring while drinking soda. - For some of you it will be beer. -

Feminine tracing images on the back of masculine while their shirt is off in a dark room at night as they are drifting off to sleep.

Two people laying on a cold floor, smaller person hugging the arm of the masculine tightly, both sleeping. A very sad atmosphere as you both experienced some kind of loss.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

green, beans, peas, pretzels, bees, breaks, neck, massage, chipped nail polish, blue balloon, 'pretty', safe, ling, boys, animatos, lemons, ping pong, papers, assignments

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

Jessie and James from pokemon, games? genshin?, cosmo and wanda, fairies, fairy core, mermaids, law firm, pandas, competitions, baby daddy - sitcom -, vampires, studying ?, hits from the 70s, harry potter books

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

Most of you already know this person and just tried to see how accurate I could get, thus already knowing your connection.

There is some part of you that just know it intuitively, yet won't trust yourselves with it.

This is for those who have no idea, so please listen carefully. You have spent life times together, however not much. It's three, this one being the third of it. So, this far, you have been friendly rivals turned lovers in each.

What I am getting is mostly 1400s and sword fights, so in a past life you two fell in love during a friendly sword fight for sure. Just had to get that out of the way.

So far with each life times your mission is to bring out the best in one another, but in a honest and truthful way without sugar coating anything like most people around the both of you would do so.

The raw and honest truth, without anyone getting offended in the process, it's something very rare and you both know how to communicate perfectly with one another.

That is very rare to experience, especially since most humans have a sensitive ego, but in your case you both can talk honestly with one another without your confidence falling down the drain.

You are both open to criticism without falling a victim to it, without being fragile when hearing certain topics.

You are like two center puzzle pieces, it doesn't make sense until you see the full picture and look between the details.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

You share a difference in hobbies, interests, media, bedding?- that's very random but it's what came through, fashion, triggers and needs in conversation

The energies here are very closed off, but you certainly don't differ from one another besides how you treat your own ambitions.

It's the way you treat like rather than core things, which will allow you both to grow and learn, have a wider perspective on things.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

whistle, appa - as in, the bison in avatar -, lydia - ? - , snakes, pac man, bread, japanese flood vlogs, anatomy, the word 'why', blood, drawing on skin, white statues, yellow butterflies, caves, random technology glitches

Thank you for reading!

꒰ pile three ꒱

the focus being on a black and white kitten, one sitting on the bed as they are chatting while a third one is sleeping and as a ginger is backfacing them in the dark

cards two of pentacles, ten of wands, the moon, donkey, parrot, giraffe, archangel sammael, archangel sandalphon, archangel chamuel

enlightenment - look from the highest perspective, see the divine in everyone, violet flame - invoke the cosmic diamond violet flame, transmute all that is not love, shower of blessings - open yourself to receive, pay it forward

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" Does it feel good? " " I mean I never had someone step on my back- "

" Laradidadi~ " " Sing this melody babe~ " " Is that how it goes? " " I have no idea "

" Soobin Soobin do you know- " " Please stop quoting it- " " Do you know Soobin? "

" You know, if we die one day, I want to share my grave with you " " If- ? "

" Do you love me? " " Did you even pay attention to what I just did?- "

" You smell so great " " It's my new perfume! "

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

Sitting across one another at a small table, head and arms resting on it, looking into each others eyes. This being in a smaller european style kitchen.

Standing in the rain watching as someone lays on asphalt and laying next to them.

Decorating a Christmas tree together in a small apartment.

Sleeping next to each other in a car, blankets wrapped around one another. It's during a stop on a road trip, heads resting on each others shoulder and head.

Tracing things on each others hand while holding each other.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

creation, rainbow bracelet, white, hello kitty, summer hit, 'boho', chains, ice, back cracking, boots, cyber goth fashion, depression, poems, hades, flames, contact lenses, eye drops

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

k-pop, hell - the energy drink -, make up, true crime, theories, fairies, dragons, trends - focusing on piercings here -, fashion, design, materialism, memes/quotes, food shows

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

note; someone did definitely drown here, however the situation is different for everyone reading this. the half with thalassophobia is the one who happened to drown in these past life connections.

So, I can see people being confused upon reading the note, or even saying 'but we both have thalassophobia!' - which is the fear of larger bodies of water - and that's okay! There is more than just one things coming through.

I can see specific situations here, I will need you to use your gut and trust yourself to know which one applies to you, alright? You got this.

What I want to get out of the way is that while you are definitely soulmates there was a lot of hate in the past life you two have shared. It's the most recent one for all of you, something went wrong which caused a lot of hate. You two met at a time where you weren't ready yet. In your life time both yours and their mission is to forgive and treat one another nicely, have love and peace in yourselves, be apologetic and gentle to one another.

For a few of you, I can see your soulmate being victims of the titanic. Of course, you were there too. You were saved from dying in the cold water, while you had to watch them drown. You could have helped them, but you simply didn't want to do so, you had no intention of doing it.

There is guilt surrounding this and an apologetic aura, however you were not sad. You didn't love them, thus you didn't save them. You didn't appreciate all the things they did for you in their life towards their death. About two months before their death they fell in love with you.

They were in the process to fix their wrongs and you decided to keep on putting them down.

Now for those who can't relate - which I am sure it's a lot of you - an event similar to this took place for a lot of you. In a forest. Expect, you sat on a rock seeing them drown in the night. There is a lot of fog and it was possibly a full moon, however I do not understand why you watched? Your spirit guides do not want to tell, so try to communicate with them! Though, in the life time you two shared after it, he was the one who watched you drown.

In all of these there is a huge sense of melancholy, emptiness, lack of emotion, but there is one I got which is full of anger.

The one full of anger has zero romantic relations, in each life time you will be born as a family in a way or another.

If you are sensitive please do not read this paragraph! For the ones who feel like this is a family member, you two shared a past life together as a mother and son, in which the son ended up being drowned in a bathtub by the mother due to poor mental health.

I understand this can cause anxiety in some of you, but this life time will be very peaceful, this is for healing and loving one another. I do think that here you will be inseparable and live together in perfect harmony, a one of a kind bond with deep adoration. This is the life time where little to no things will go wrong, the calm after the storm. - yes, after. -

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

These is not much differences here, you both remind me of the cold wind on a cloudy gloomy afternoon, reflections of each other.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

melancholic feeling, a lot of blues and whites, messy hair, old music - 1920 -, france? french?, caffeine, days going by slower, chill air no matter the weather, no energy

Thank you for reading!

꒰ pile four ꒱

ginger cat with three young kittens in front of a cottage

cards the world, knight of cups, two of cups, archangel michael, archangel raguel, archangel charity, bear, llama

open your heart - love yourself, dare to be vulnerable, the freedom of truth, be who you truly are, magical crystal cave - switch on your inner light, bring forward your gifts

note; this pile is the one with the least information, so incase you were drawn to another pile go ahead and read that one as well! This one is very short because the connection is fragile as of now. ♡

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

I am sorry, but nothing comes through here, your spirit guides are very closed off, and the ones of your soulmate even more so. Please look at other piles incase you were drawn to more than one! ♡

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

a girl on grey carpeted floor lying in black lingerie, recording herself as another person does something funny and both laughing.

two people taking mirror selfies in a public bathroom, but a rather fancy one.

two girls playing on golf grounds, possibly in a - golf - club.

two girls racing to get to talk with someone.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

black, cats, sapphic flag, red lipstick, m&ms, sunglasses, instagram, 2014, tea, air filter, white, acrylic nails, blues and purples, babies, baby powder, carpeted floors

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

best friend by doja cat, old money aesthetic, swimming competitions, rom com teen movies, make up brand testing, gossipping - about celebrities-, photoshoots, the kardashians, fake nails, vlogs!, directing

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

Power duooooo!! Go best friends!!! Leo and Capricorn energy!!!! No but for real, regardless of the root of this connection, you will be the bestest of friends.

The closest ones to one another.

Although you two are sharing a life together for the first time, you two are from the same soul family, there is no doubt about it.

You two are very close to one another and definitely understand each other in ways no one else is capable of doing so.

A very beautiful connection.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

Not much differences here besides how giving and big your hearts are. You are much more cautious and they are much more empathetic.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

money, sugar baby tiktoks but with comedy - ? - , readers posting signs, purples, leds, chilly air/trees being more reactive to wind, white lilies, scooby doo, ice cold water

Thank you for reading.

꒰ pile five ꒱

ginger cat with three kittens holding a lavender umbrella on a flower field.

cards four of wands, nine of wands, seven of wands, hyena, deer, rhinoceros, archangel preminilek, archangel dorenka, archangel hope

oneness - look for the common humanity, invoke lemurian light, cosmic ruby - be a peace ambassador, practice cosmic mastery

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

" What do I remind you of? " " Fire " " Because I am destructive? " " No, you are beautiful, warm and light up my times when there is nothing but dark "

" I am in love with you " " I am in love with you more "

" If we would be a fictional couple, who would we be? " " Eren and Mikasa "

" Who do you love more, me or- " " You. " " But I- " " I don't need to know, the answer is you. "

" Thank you. " " For? " " Just for existing... You know... for being you, being here, without you my life would be hell "

" Sunshine! " " Don't call me that " " Too late, you are my sunshine "

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions.

Second to last conversation being as the masculine is drifting off to sleep, eyes already closed, holding the feminine in their arms. Feminine holding back crying, to not wake them as they fall asleep after what they have said.

Both of you spinning in the rain outside of a house, rocks on the ground, not caring at all what anyone has to say. Maybe being barefoot. - I am sensing a spirit guide being mad at me for not telling you to take care of yourself here, lmao. Especially if you are black, an ancestor of yours is telling you to please wear shoes. -

Making desserts together, you making them try out a chocolate melt you have just made. Them frowning and saying it's good even though it's sour.

Two kids playing doctor, a little girl pretending to use tools to open the head of a little boy who calmly snacks on s'mores as none of them is hurt, the parents looking at them in almost horror. - I feel like, for some of you, you will have children together, if not, it will happen with little cousins of yours. -

Laying in a bed together, facing each other and staring onto the eyes of one another while smiling, stroking the cheeks of one another.

Watching netflix together on a couch, holding hands and enjoying the silence in the dark. A comfortable kind of love.

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

meditation, bone cracking, yellow, bass music, spotify, the number 9, sharp nails?, braces, mint, lemon, zig zag, hair bands, pretzels, sea salt, nail strengthener, balls - the TOYS -

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

You both do not consume enough media for this to be a whole section, the only things coming through are cable tv shows relating to health and arts, possibly some cartoons.

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

Okay so, while I pick up a bit on their energy as well, I pick up more on yours because they are an incredibly closed off person. Very private.

Trigger warning, mentions of sa and trauma

So, what basically, this person has been sent to you by your guides, by the universe. You might at first not trust them because of trauma in your past.

You could have been sexually assaulted or betrayed by someone you deeply loved and trusted which could cause trust issues inside your heart. - which is very valid. -

You could believe - or could have - that they are horrible and will hurt you as well, thus having a hard time opening up your heart and trusting them in a healthy manner, in a moderate amount.

For a lot of you, there was no trust in the beginning at all. - or will be - Which, most highly, your soulmate will be aware of.

Though! They will be very fine with that, as they have a very pure and understanding heart, especially in your situation.

It could be due to them going through something similar, or possibly someone close to them. - this could be a mom or a younger sister. - So they already know how to deal with a situation similar to yours in a lot of aspects.

Though, even if no traumatic events happened around them, they have a very high emotional intelligence and can handle whatever way you react, even if you might think that's not possible due to insecurity and subconscious trauma by how certain people have treated you in the past.

This person is nothing like them and has a very high amount of balance inside themselves, very loving and always does their best to not react in a hurtful manner, rather try to he the best version of themselves.

So, no matter what, they would love you with their whole heart. - just heard 'to the moon and back' -

This will be healing for both of you, but your guides focus on you, because you need to know that there is something amazing is waiting for you. - said with their words. -

This will be very healing for you!! You will feel so so loved in a type of lovely way you have never been loved before. Nothing fragile and very pure intentions, this person just wants the best for you in every way possible.

This connection reminds me of pure white snow, just after it had freshly fallen. A white canvas to start everything over.

It's something that will make you feel like a human again, that will allow you to feel alive without having to worry about basically anything, at all. Where you can just be yourself.

Some of you have been through abusive connections in the past and it has taken a big toll on you. You had to constantly explain yourself, have been controlled, maybe hit even? Not for all of you tho, manipulated and a lot more only you could know about.

It's very understandable that this would make you build your walls up and push others away, which a lot people don't seem to understand.

But they do, and they will. You will have to relearn how to have a healthy relationship again, and it could be hard but they will be very patient with you and understand your heart.

It will go well, maybe even more than just well.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

You are the unstable sea, which moves to any difference, who hides many deep things inside themselves and can be destructive or welcoming.

They are the wind that will support you, calm you down but also lift you up. Which will move you in ever way they can, which will support you and never leave your side.

- pisces & libra , cancer and gemini -

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

white doves, chocolate kisses - the dessert not kissing actual chocolate -, wood door, icey water, water balloon, red nails, the sound of keyboards, sound sensitivity, bubblegums, strawberry flavour, red balloons, dominos

Thank you for reading.

꒰ pile six ꒱

ginger mama cat decorating christmas tree with her young kittens

cards death, the moon, page of wands, kangaroo, rhinoceros, bee, archangel zadkiel, archangel azriel, archangel mariel

creative solutions - think outside of the box, view things from a higher perspective, soul healing - align with your essence, see your true colours, cocoon of white light - rest in perfect love, understand oneness.

↳ ❝ [ conversations ] ¡! ❞

green will be feminine and pink will be masculine.

Nothing is coming through due to your spirit guides not allowing me to tap into your energy, if you are very curious you can always choose another pile or send an ask and I will be answering you privately! - please remember, anons cant be answered privately -

↳ ❝ [ moments ] ¡! ❞

these are visions

I am sorry, but nothing came through here, because you possibly could focus on your feelings more than the possibility of a better future.

Though, you can always try to choose another pile, this one is quite weak!

↳ ❝ [ random ] ¡! ❞

these will be things that could happen to end up being relevant.

Fever, butterfly, 'chapter', chapsticks, dry lips, oil paint, crying while laughing, yoga !!, horror movies, fashion, screaming matches then immediately making up, yellow roses

↳ ❝ [ media ] ¡! ❞

these could happen to end up being things you both love or hate, just anything you could connect over.

so sick by neyo, 'the boy is mine', the boondocks, yoga channels, amazon, 80s shows, make up influencers

↳ ❝ [ soul connection] ¡! ❞

these could end up being; past life connection, soul family, destiny together, just whatever that relates you two to one another.

No, this isn't your ex and that will never work out. You need to do some shadow work because if you keep being stuck up on them, you will never experience real love or a healthy relationship. They are in the past, it's time to accept that. There is a new chapter waiting for you but with the current mentality you posses you will be the problem during each hardship you will have to go through.

You have a hard time accepting this, even though you know it's true.

You keep being stubborn and ignore every sign you get that tells you to move on and healing from that connection.

While your soulmate will help you become a better person, you will either be a blessing or lesson to them, and currently it seems to be the latter. So, for the sake of both of you, work on yourself.

It does not matter if this soulmate in question is a friend or not, it applies all the same.

There is definitely something here you need to let go off, and it's a person. Ex s/o, ex friend, just some kind of ex.

↳ ❝ [ two sides of a coin ] ¡! ❞

things you have in common and differences!

They are much more emotionally aware than you are, but you possess more social intelligence than them.

You two will balance each other out in this aspect.

↳ ❝ [ signs ] ¡! ❞

00s songs, lip gloss, too much notifications, looney tunes, old cartoon network, earpiercings, passing by one another often, leopard print, white & pink & grey

Thank you for reading.

#pac #pick a card #soulmate #romantic #platonic #whichever ngl idc #tarot #astrology #astroblr #tarotblr #so many wands y'all #this was both fun and both draining #hope y'all like it <3

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rebelsandtherest · 3 years

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How do you think the Hamilton musical was received by the FACE family??

Hmmm interesting question. I'm going to do this pretty quickfire:

France: Gushed about the show to Alfred, despite its coverage of some tense times between them, but secretly was not fond of the portrayal of Lafayette. However, the stage version of his well-loved marquis grew on him exceptionally quickly (though he wouldn't admit it) and for months after seeing it he found himself bobbing his head along to the song stuck in his head, only to curse and stop when he realized it was from Hamilton. He has the album saved on Spotify but never tells a soul about it.

America: I mean, obviously he is a huge fan. He has the entire thing memorized within weeks. He was there when the first songs/bars were debuted at the White House at a state dinner. Everyone else thought it was a joke, portraying Hamilton as a hip hop enthusiast. Alfred thought it was the most genius thing he'd heard in decades. He sat up straight and listened, transfixed, and was a bit shocked when no one else at his table seemed to take it seriously. I say he has the whole thing memorized, but he actually doesn't. He has only seen and heard Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story once, ever in his life, which was on the day he saw it for the first time on Broadway. It drudged up centuries of loss for him and he spent the entire song trying to hide his ugly crying/stifled sobbing in the box seats. He's seen the show many, many times since, but has always walked out before the finale, to save his emotional sanity.

Canada: Overall loves it, adored the portrayal of George III, and agrees with Alfred that the application of hip hop was both innovative and a TON of fun. In the year or so after it hits it big, he occasionally finds himself drawn into a sing-along with Alfred as they cook, work on cars, build a new shed, etc. Alfred claims he can sing all the parts in one go, and Matt's heard him try, but it sounds less breathless and more intelligible if Matt jumps in as a second voice occasionally. Critiques Alfred's "hillbilly" French accent when he attempts to sing Lafayette's parts. When Matt saw it for the first time, in the middle of the theater, in the middle of the show, he texted Alfred: 'caught a bullet in the neck in Quebec' lol pretty sure that was me bro' . Smiled for like half an hour as he felt his phone buzzing with Alfred's enraged responses.

England: Everyone expects Arthur to detest the musical, not only because it is so unashamedly, patriotically American, but because he doesn't understand hip hop particularly well. However, Arthur is astonishingly, if understatedly complimentary upon seeing it on Broadway. Alfred eventually asked him point blank if it offended him in any way, and to Alfred's eternal surprise he said: "Your patriotism is tiring, of course, but put in such quick, witty verse, it's quite irresistible—don't look at me like that—he's a once-in-a-century lyricist—if not once-in-several-centuries." Later, when the show premiered on the West End, he would comment to friends that "the portrayal of King George is perhaps one of the funniest fucking things I've seen on stage in the last half century. I'd pay for tickets again just for that. I couldn't stand that man."

#aph america #aph england #aph canada #aph france #hws france #hws canada #hws england #hws america #alfred #matthew #francis #arthur #hc #headcanons

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taschamonnii · 3 years

Text

Imagine This - Suffocate

You x Leigh Shaw (Sorry For Your Loss - Elizabeth Olsen)

Angst/Fluff

Summary: You meet Leigh Shaw and she literally saves your life.

TW: Attempted suicide not explicit, depression, bipolar depression

Here is the title song: Suffocate by Miki Ratsula & Lauren Sanderson

Read on Ao3

AN: This is just to hold me over while I continue to write the series I have for Leigh because I have been desperately wanting to write for her and think we need more stories for her.

Word Count: 3,771

Imagine This:

You are on your knees, desperate sobs leave you as you grip the grassy weeds. You are on the edge of a cliff that is on a hiking trail in California. It is the middle of the night. Your therapist said to take walks when you feel overwhelmed, lonely, and suicidal. The problem is that you googled hiking trails near you and didn’t bother to look at what the trial included. Now here you are already thinking about throwing yourself off a cliff and you have a perfectly suitable cliff right in front of you. You know deep down that you don’t want to jump but your mind is basically screaming to jump on an endless loop.

Your bipolar depression whispers lies to you. Things like no one will miss you, or that life is meaningless anyway, that all you have to do is jump and it all ends. The logistics are that you don’t know what happens when you die. For all, you know you could wake up and have to relive your entire life all over again. You also know there is no guarantee that you would die instantly or at all for that matter people survive falls all the time.

All the thoughts swirl in your mind and all you can do is scream into the open air. You are suffocating, drowning in every little thing that makes life miserable.

You scream.

“I can’t do this!”

You have been alone so long and unhappy for so long that you can’t remember if you ever were happy. You scream and cry and punch the ground beneath you.

“Are you okay?”

You jump slightly, startled out of your thoughts at the soft question behind you.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You turn away from the edge of the cliff to see a woman standing on the trail with a flashlight pointed to the ground near your feet. It is dark and your vision is strained due to the excessive crying. You sit there silently, you feel like you are dreaming or something this moment doesn’t feel real.

She kneels down in front of you.

“Are you okay?”

Your voice doesn’t sound like yours as you struggle to speak.

“I - fi- I-I’m fine.”

“You were just screaming and crying and now you are trembling. I don't think that you are fine. Can I sit next to you?”

You nod your head no use lying if she heard you screaming she knows you are far from fine. She sits next to you and it is silent for a bit.

“Can I tell you something?”

Again you just nod this complete stranger doesn’t really feel like a stranger and you honestly could use the distraction of listening to whatever she has to say.

“I am not okay. I came out here because my husband’s body was found at the bottom of this cliff months ago and I will never know if he fell or if he jumped. I keep learning new things about him and I can’t talk to him about any of it so I was going to come here and ask the silent night air.”

You feel grounded in reality for the first time in a long time. You feel real as this stranger tells you an ugly truth about her life.

“I am sorry for your loss. What were you going to ask?”

She takes a deep breath.

“It’s stupid I won’t get any answers.”

“It’s not stupid, ask me what you want to ask him.”

She turns to look at you and moonlight catches her eyes and your breath hitches at the sight of the emerald green.

“Matt, that was his name,” she pauses, you nod understanding and she proceeds.

“Matt, did I make you happy? Did you cheat on me? Did you want to leave me? Did you god, did you jump?”

You can’t help but feel for her. You don’t know her but you feel a deep desire to comfort her.

“Did Matt make you happy?”

“What?”

“Did Matt make you happy?”

“Yes, he was my favorite person.”

“Then hold onto that. I can tell you that even if he did jump it wasn’t him that wanted to do it. I don’t want to be out here crying in the middle of the night contemplating everything and fighting with myself or rather my mental illness over whether or not I should jump.”

“What do you mean by fighting with your mental illness? Matt was depressed but he never wanted to talk to me about it. All I wanted was to have some kind of understanding of what it was like.”

“Well, it’s different for everyone. I have bipolar depression and have dealt with it my entire life, chemical imbalance, lots of therapy, and treatment. I have been on every medication there is none of them help. For me, it is like a mixture of emotions all the time. So what you have walked up on here is a depressive low swing in my emotional state. I feel like everything in the world is meaningless. I feel like I don’t know what happiness is or if I have ever been happy at all. I live in an endless loop of feeling everything and feeling nothing. Sometimes I don’t feel real, sometimes I feel dead, and sometimes I feel numb and exhausted, and other times I feel so much internal pain that I think I might die. Just now I was fighting the voices in my head, my mental illness, which was telling me that no one would miss me, that life is meaningless, and to just end it. I know it is the illness I have been fighting those voices my entire life.”

“Thank you for sharing all of that. I don’t know you but I am glad you fight it. I am glad I happened to find you here tonight.”

“I am glad you showed up when you did as well. You pulled me out of my head.”

She smiled softly at you and then laid back and looked up at the stars. You decided to copy her and something just felt right when your shoulders brushed together. She pointed up at a constellation “do you know what that one is called I always forget?”

You smiled because you actually love the stars and could talk about them forever. You follow her hand to where she is pointing and let out a small giggle. “Do you mean the big dipper?”

“Hey don’t laugh, I hardly ever see the stars. I rarely find myself out in nature at night like this.”

You smile, “that's a good point L.A. is not ideal for stargazing. Here can I show you some of the constellations?” You lift your hand up to hers but pause before you take it in yours awaiting her response.

“Show me.”

You take her hand in yours and align your hand over hers to make it so you are both pointing your index finger up at the sky. Her hand feels like nothing else you have ever felt before. It almost feels electric. You trace the little dipper with your hand “that’s the little dipper.”

She moved her bent leg to hit yours “I figured that.”

You hit her leg back lightly as you laughed. “Well, I had to make sure.”

The air was light as you moved on to show her all the other constellations you knew. When you try to let go of her hand she quickly moves to intangible her fingers with yours. She brings it down to rest in between you. “Thank you,” she paused, realizing she doesn’t know your name.

You realize and smile, “it’s Y/N.”

“Thank you, y/n. I’m Leigh.”

She says your name in a way no one else ever has somehow. She says it as if she has always known your name. It sounds like it belongs on her lips. “It’s my pleasure, Leigh. I love talking about the stars. Thank you for interrupting my mental breakdown.”

“Oh, that’s actually my specialty. Matt hated it; he just wanted to be left alone anytime he was struggling.”

“A lot of people are like that I can be as well, mostly because I don’t have anyone I like or trust to talk to about it besides my therapist and I am not going to bug her all the time she doesn’t get paid enough for that.”

“Well, then it is an honor that you liked me enough to talk to me.”

You turn your head as you feel her gaze on you and smile as your eyes meet. “This is going to sound weird but you don’t feel like a stranger and I don’t know I just trusted you right away.”

“My mom would call it destiny or some shit like that so it doesn't sound that strange. I grew up with strange. Plus I feel the same like I have known you all my life even though I don’t really know you at all.”

“Your mom sounds fun.”

She laughed, “Oh, you have no idea.”

You hesitate and then you realize you were literally thinking about suicide a few minutes ago and decide to be brave. “Would you want to get to know me?”

She looks at you and it’s like you are being seen for the first time in your life. “I would love to get to know you, y/n. If we start walking down this mountain now we could get to the bottom by the time my favorite donut place opens.”

You tilt your head with a silly smile “are you asking me on an early morning donut date?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

She smiled and hopped up never letting go of your hand making you get pulled along with her, “come on.”

“Yes, ma’am. Bossy, I like it.”

“You will regret saying that.”

“Oh really? Are you super bossy? I sense top energy from you and I am never wrong about these things.”

“Others would describe me as bossy, yes. How does one sense top energy?”

“Yeah, definitely a top then. I don’t know, I just do. Just like how I get some intense Bisexual vibes from you.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, tell me I’m wrong.”

“I don’t know. I mean I just know what I like, that doesn’t make me a top, and I haven’t been with a girl since college.”

You smirked “okay so maybe a switch with some top tendencies and that is bisexuality, Leigh. It doesn't expire just because you married a man and haven’t been with a girl in a long time.”

She let out a laugh that instantly made you laugh along with her. “You are like no one else I know. You say my name like we have known each other forever.” She smiled softly at you.

You returned her smile. “I feel like I have known you forever, maybe in past lives or something, who knows, but I’m glad I am getting to know you in this life.”

“I like that. I like you, y/n.”

“Aw shucks.” You brought your free hand up to your cheek and gave her a cheeky smile. “I like you, Leigh.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t believe you are the same person I just walked up on screaming and crying over a cliff.”

“Welcome to my world I am an actual human rollercoaster. I will say I don’t usually swing from a depressed low like what you saw to this kind of manic high so quickly but something about you is bringing out this side of me.”

“Well, I guess I will take that as a compliment?” She questioned.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing. I don’t know if I’d call it a compliment, my compliments are better than that.”

You were in the parking lot at this point and she was leading you to the only car in the lot, a little black thing, you assumed was hers. She laughed and you took the opportunity to prove your point. “You have the best laugh that I have ever heard. It’s warm and contagious. I could listen to you laugh for the rest of my life.”

She stopped walking, stopping you with her right next to the black car. “That is not a compliment that is flirting, y/n.”

“Same difference when talking to a beautiful woman such as yourself. Just the facts.”

You could see her blush now that you were under the parking lot lights and it was glorious. You are a natural flirt but you are not always this bold and straightforward but something about Leigh gives you confidence and you just can’t seem to help yourself.

“Really laying it on thick now.” She shook her head with more laughter.

“We are just scratching the surface. I haven't even mentioned your eyes or freckles yet.”

“What about my eyes and freckles?” She smirked as she leaned back against her car still holding your hand.

You held her gaze and smiled warmly at her. “I love the stars as I demonstrated with my vast knowledge of the constellations earlier but your eyes put all the stars in the sky to shame and I am positive if you let me connect your freckles we could create the most beautiful constellations on your skin.”

She bit her bottom lip as her gaze fell to the ground. “You are something else.”

You tilt your head “is that a good thing?”

She lifted her head to meet your gaze once again with a smile. “It is a really good thing. I don’t think anyone has ever complimented or rather flirted with me in such a bold and over-the-top way before. I haven’t been hit on by a woman since college and men almost exclusively talk about my legs.”

“I am not being bold or over-the-top I am just stating the honest truth. I don’t blame men. Your legs are worth worshiping and I could probably talk about them for days, those shorts make them look like they go on for miles.”

She laughed and swatted your shoulder “Okay cut it out!”

“Okay, okay but only because you asked so nicely.”

She bit her bottom lip as she smiled at you seemingly amused by your playful antics. “You are beautiful too, you know even after crying your heart out in the middle of the night. It is actually rather frustrating.”

“Oh, that’s just my superpower. I look more attractive after crying.”

She didn’t reply instead she interrupted your laugh with her lips crashing against yours. You quickly kissed back feeling magnetically drawn to her and pressed closer until your body pressed against hers pinning her to her car. Your hands moved to her hips and hers tangled into your hair and pulled you closer by the nape of your neck. Kissing her felt like nothing you have ever experienced before and yet like the most familiar thing. Like you had finally found your home in her. You slowly pulled away to look at her. “What was that for?”

“I don’t know. When I see something I want I just go for it.”

You smirked at her. “Oh yeah, definitely a top.”

She lightly swatted your shoulder. “Ow! What?”

She bit her bottom lip and shook her head trying to contain her smile. “You think you are so funny.”

“No actually I’m hilarious, mental illness automatically makes you a comedian.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh yeah totally. I bet that you fell for Matt because he was funny. Am I right? Or am I right?”

She tilted her head at you like she was shocked to hear you mention him. Maybe she was used to people avoiding the topic but you are not like most people. Death doesn’t scare you and you know from experience it is much better to remember the good things and talk about the good things when you lose someone.

She scrunched up her cute little nose. “He started up our first conversation with a joke. It was a bad joke but he told it in a charming way.”

“See! Mental illness makes you funny and charming.”

She shook her head with a laugh. “Alright charmer how about we go get those donuts and you can tell me all about how funny you are.”

You smiled and nodded.

You have never felt like you could just be yourself around anyone let alone after just meeting someone. Everything felt easy with Leigh and it was. The donut date turned into more dates and before you even realized what had happened days turned into weeks and months and the two of you spent most of your time together. ‘I love you’s’ were shared, and an apartment was bought. Everything just fell into place with Leigh. You still had hard days. Mental illness doesn't just go away even when you are happier than ever but now when you are struggling you never do it alone. Leigh is always there to help you through it and you have been there for her. She likes to think that no matter what happened to Matt he still loves her and is here for her in some way because he brought her to you. Maybe he couldn’t save his own life either it was an accident and he fell or he couldn’t fight his own mental health anymore but he saved your life in a way because if Leigh hadn’t shown up when she did you are not sure you would still be here. You were suffocating drowning in the dark alone and now you are happier than ever and can breathe like you never have before.

A/N: I was in a low when I started this and well I hope it reaches the right people and helps. You are not alone even if you feel like it and though I don’t believe others can save us I do believe they can help us save ourselves because ultimately it is up to you how you live your life. I hope you all know that you are stronger than you give yourselves credit. Leigh stole my heart instantly. Sometimes I feel like I will never love anyone the way I love her and sometimes that makes me sad but other times it makes me happy because fictional characters can’t hurt me the same way real people can. Anyway if you too find comfort in this character I hope this brought you comfort. Thanks for reading <3

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