#I drew this last October as part of a series but I never finished and barely did venti

[sokumeii]

Halloween Venti

[dgdraws]

My art year in review!

I learned so much this year and made a ton of cool stuff! These are my favorites from each month, but it was so hard to choose. A lot of stuff didn't even get posted--I'll be sure to at least post the ones that made it to this list!

It's amazing to see how much I've changed and learned over this year, and to see the things that are emerging as part of "my style."

Here's to another year of delight, creation, connection and fun!

Some monthly reflections beneath the cut, but here's the highlights:

I participated in 3 art challenges, Artfight, OC-tober and Huevember.

I made fanart for the first time!

I created a piece I conceived of before I started drawing

Made some big breakthroughs in techniques and skills in April, July and November

January: My first branch into full character design, Rodd is the culmination of training on Hero Forge renders to make dnd portraits! I was doing this cool thing with neon rim lighting, I should bring that back!

February: I saw a piece on here with this amazing glowing effect, so I color picked it and experimented to figure out what relationship between the colors was making it do that! The answer was saturation. This rose is meant to be glowing from within, and I think I did a good job for my knowledge level at the time! As Chuck Tingle would tell us, it's beautiful because only I could have made it in that moment on the timeline.

March: I spent a million years on every detail of this one, it has at least 5 clipping overlay/saturation layers for lighting, multiple line work groups and I want to rework that background but! I never felt more accomplished than I did when I finished this one. I learned a lot, especially about things I could skip or simplify. And the symbolism really pops off ngl

April: I read Gideon the Ninth for the first time this month and I immediately needed to draw Jeannemary Chatur, Cavalier of the Fourth House, the worst teen to do it. She's the first fanart I ever made and posted! I also discovered a new pen tool with this one, which CHANGED THE GAME.

May: This one is an idea I had written down before I ever picked up the tablet and stylus. I thought I might commission someone to make it, the image of it came to me so clearly during our VTM session I just had to make it real somehow. Well I did it! This is one I will come back to redraw in like 5 years bc I love the concept so much. Also rife with symbolism and inside nods to the Low Kings.

June: I made a bunch of ref sheets in the run-up to Artfight in July. Caleb hadn't even been in my plans to upload, but I had time and inspiration! I will be uploading this and a few more of him <3

July: This is one of my faves from Artfight! This character is Blueberry, by way of OrchidEatsBread on artfight. I have still never played... rainworld? But I love me a slug cat. In July I drew a TON of people, it really drilled anatomy basics into me and how to get clothes looking like actual clothes a bit more. Also solidified some things I would consider "my style" at the moment, like no irises, and my approach to noses and mouths and fingers!

August: Another fanart for the Locked Tomb series, I never posted this!!! Will be rectifying that soon.

September: I got really into javascript and css this month, and I made this to be a landing page image on my neocities website XD I'll get back around to that eventually...

October: At the last minute, I discovered OC-tober and the prompts from @/bweirdart, a worthy follow up to the rush of Artfight two months previous. I developed so much stuff for the Low Kings, including this drawing/character, Amayah/Girl-Z, who has been a figment of my pintrest board for 2+ years.

Huevember: Chasing that OC-tober high, I found Huevember! I did not expect to actually do every day, but it proved to be an amazing exercise! I learned so, so much about color, discovered amazing new brushes and techniques and found I really enjoy working in those one day capsules! I loved a lot of the stuff that came out of this month, including my highest note post ever!!!, but this one is still my phone background and I'm maybe developing an OC world around it. We'll see what happens in 2024.

December: I got hit HARD with the writing bug this month, so this was my only choice for this month but I WOULDA CHOSEN IT ANYWAY. I unlocked something here that I'm really excited to visit again, in fact I'm working on a companion piece rn! This is also fanart btw, prepare for me to get even weirder about this guy in the coming months.

If you've read this far, thank you so much! I have so much fun writing these little reflections and making my posts on here.

xoxo, wren

[agoodfriendtoyou]

Here’s how I’ve improved this year! I always feared I hadn’t made progress, but comparing January to December I can see that I’ve had a massive upgrade.

Sorry that some aren’t aligned the same, I had to chop up some of these pieces to make em fit(looking at you, 1010 AUs)

Here’s a lil explanation of each piece under the cut

January - Val

I drew this for a member of the club I’m in, unfortunately he disappeared the next school year. Those arms are a yikes 😬

February - Security breach Ocs

These guys are a pair of fnaf ocs I made, I wasn’t really in the fandom at the time so you can imagine that I didn’t use them a lot, and eventually forgot about them

March - Long ass 1010 au drawing

I didn’t enjoy making this piece. I was still adjusting to procreate, and I also decided to somewhat render it, so that led to not a great time. I am proud of it tho, cuz I still think it looks okay 👍

April - Djss 1010 swap

This was a part of a series that I dreaded and cancelled because I couldn’t mentally handle it. I feel that this piece got kinda butchered by the interpolation of tumblr.

May - writing class poster

This was a movie poster I made for my writing class, it’s for a story we wrote based off of a image prompt. I had to censor my name

June - Old Wallux references

Old Wallux is a world I don’t think I’ve talked about here, mainly because I never really expanded on it. But here are some characters I made for it.

July - Artfight piece

I may had joined artfight last minute, but I really enjoyed it. It was weirdly relaxing since I didn’t feel like I had to meet my own standards, so I was free to explore and experiment with my art. I know that sounds backwards to some people, but it’s how I felt. This was my favorite piece out of the 13 I made in that week

August - month long bugsnax drawing challenge

I tried to complete this challenge, but I’ve always sucked at month long art challenges like inktober, huevember, or mermay. So this was one of the last ones I did, I believe.

September - Lenn Drystone

I made this piece bc I decided to draw the more main characters officially, since I had already completed drawings for the rival characters. I do like how he looks, and he is wearing pants underneath the cut so shut up about nakedness.

October - Dnd party piece

This was when I finished the party drawing after adding a few more characters to it. Their names are gord(shark) and cult(green elf)

November - Marx drawing

I found a dress on pinterest and wanted to draw Marx in it, so I did. Not much else to say.

December - Sora reference, outfit pose

This is part of a series of drawings I’m doing for the Noble elements. I am currently working on Meren.

[thedarkplume]

It's that most wonderful time of the year

...not October, sadly, but December. Christmas. A time for family and love and hope.

And for me, a time to share the absolute best stories I have had the pleasure of reading (and rereading) in 2021. With the state of the world in terms of race relations, the police now being a last resort if there is an emergency, the virus taking away so many of our loved ones, and the overall ugliness of people's hearts in general, I am so grateful for this site. There are so many days where I just don't have it in me to face the terrible realities happening outside of my door, and it is because of the authors here and the community as a whole that makes the days just a little more bearable.

This is my love letter to all of you!

@geminixevans ~ Liar Liar ~ Mafia!Steve Rogers

This is one of those rare instances where having a fake friend gives the ultimate payoff in the end! The first time I read Liar Liar I knew I had to have it as a part of this list. Not only is there a wonderful comeuppance ending and drool-worthy smut, but we have Steve speaking Italian. 😍

@slothspaghettiwrites ~ Big Ole Baby ~ Baby!Orc!Lee Bodecker

I cannot leave this story alone! I come back to it at least once a month. I love the world @slothspaghettiwrites has created with Orcs and the mythology surrounding them. Lee already has such a forceful, demanding personality as it is, but making him into an Orc and then having said Orc transformed into a baby Orc just makes me so happy! 😜

@giorno-plays-piano ~ Dating Rules ~ Skinny!Steve Rogers

Now this one holds a special place in my heart. You know how you can do everything right and in the end, everything still goes pear-shaped? Let me tell you, @giorno-plays-piano does not disappoint with this one. Skinny!Steve is such a sweetheart and when we get to see that wonderful personality go dark, well, it's an exciting ride for everyone. 😏

@sinner-as-saint ~ I'll Be Good (Uni AU) ~ Ransom Drysdale

It's not everyday that someone describes Hugh Ransom Drysdale as quiet, but it was one of the things that drew me to this story. Ransom is seemingly written as the polar opposite of canon, and by the end, you'll be wishing for second part.

@luxeavenger ~ Backstage Pass series ~ Rockstar!Bucky Barnes & Rockstar!Steve Rogers

I can't go on enough about how much this series has affected my life for the better. Even as I'm writing this entry, I'm rereading some of the chapters. Sometimes, I like to open my 1980s playlist and read it from the first chapter post to the last. Rock n' Roll will never die and Backstage Pass is its testament.

@boxofbonesfic ~ Unwrapped ~ Soft!Dark Andy Barber

Wow. Just wow. I initially had another story picked for this entry, but a few days before writing this, I read Unwrapped. Guys, if you have not read this story, do so IMMEDIATELY. I won' give away the details, but the author hailed this magnificent work as a dark Hallmark story. She, of course, hit the nail on the head!

@onsunnyside ~ What A World ~ Tarzan!Steve Rogers

Take the time to think about that. TARZAN STEVE ROGERS. I don't exactly remember how I came across this story. If I had to guess it might have been on @donutloverxo page because she always has the best recommendations. But as soon as I saw this, I knew I had to read it! Thinking about this beautiful man running around in nothing but a loincloth 🤤🤤🤤

@clints-lucky-arrow ~ sweetheart ~ Stalker!Steve Rogers

Another winner that had me following this author as soon as I finished reading! Sweetheart draws inspiration from both 'The Boy' and 'You'. If you've seen at least one of these, then you know that this is a terribly disturbing concept, but that's what makes this story so fun.

@honeyloverogers ~ dance in the dark ~ Ghost!Steve Rogers

This is a great read for a number of reasons. What sticks with me even now as I type this entry, it's the what if...? scenario of Steve NOT crashing into the ice. It's deeply bittersweet and the ghost aspect of it makes for the perfectly spooky and hot read!

@ghotifishreads ~ A Canary to Bring My Message Home ~ 1910s Coal Miner!Curtis Everett

I won't lie and say that I did not cackle thinking, this author created the perfect scene for us to imagine Curtis dirty, but for a very good reason! All jokes aside, though, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Curtis is a sweetheart and his and the reader's relationship as well as the setting reads like a Danielle Steele novel with smut worthy of Lorelei James!

@autumnrose40 ~ Monster Town (series) ~ Naga!Ransom, Unseelie!Curtis, Werewolf!Jake, Incubus!Steve, Incubus!Bucky Vampire!Andy, Siren!Ari, Puppet Master!Jimmy, Hexxus!Robert, Dragon!Johnny & Pegasus Centaur!Colin

Imagine, if you will, going for a drive. Nowhere in particular. But you somehow veer off course of your original destination. You become stranded in a town filled with monsters whose sole desire is to breed you, control you, and quite possibly eat you. This is by far one of the best stories I've had the pleasure of reading! If you love monsters, stop over and check this story out. And if you don't, you will by the time you finish the first chapter!

@georgiapeach30513 ~ Desperate Affairs ~ Andy Barber & Ransom Drysdale

Sometimes, a story comes along and you already have the character picked that you're rooting for. The one you want to have the happy ending they deserve. Welp! This story was not like that. I felt the proverbial rug ripped out from under me at least three times. There are so many twists and turns in Desperate Affairs that I still feel shell-shocked.

@navybrat817 ~ Howling Commandos Tattoo AU (series) ~ Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers

The site can teach you a lot about yourself. For instance, I realize I like tattoos and piercings. Largely, I discovered this through Navy's Howling Commandos Tattoo series. I thought it might just be a oneshot filled with Grade A flirting from two extremely gorgeous inked men, leading to an unforgettable threesome. But this has easily expanded into a miniseries of love, happiness, and profound friendships.

@cockslut-padalecki ~ Little White Lies ~ Dark!Catfish!Ransom Drysdale

Out of all the stories I've listed so far, this one feels the most personal to me. In my mind, every person who posts a story or even sends an ask or imagine to the inboxes of their favorite bloggers, is an aspiring author to an extent. So when I read Little White Lies, even knowing the premise beforehand, I felt the horrible betrayal of this reader. The way her deepest fantasy is used to manipulate her is so beautifully crafted that even when I felt like punching Ransom in the face, I knew that this would be a story that I would NEVER forget.

@the-iceni-bitch ~ Goddamn Prince Charming Looking DILF (series) ~ Single DILF Elementary School Teacher!Steve Rogers

Any story @the-iceni-bitch writes is worth its weight in gold. You literally cannot pick a bad story from her masterlist. But this one. This one just takes me to a whole other level. It's not just because Steve is a DILF, a teacher, and has a secret piercing that makes me just 🤤🤤🤤 it's the reader she crafts. Her readers are always strong, independent and confident in who they are. I'm still waiting for the day she will announce that she has a book coming out.

@syntheticavenger ~ New Rules (series) ~ King's Guard Steve Rogers

There are many interesting stories Synth has written, but New Rules is one of my favorites! The drama and the intrigue, the family secrets and jealousy! This is one of those stories that will leave you begging for more.

AND...honorable mention to one of her latest Turn the Tables featuring the one and only Dennis Baker!! I'm so serious guys, you have to read it!!! 🤗

@river-soul ~ A Different Kind of Love (series) ~ Alpha!Andy & Beta!Jake

Normally, I'm always a bit cautious about reading A/B/O stories because some of the Alphas can be really backward, abhorrent assholes. But in A Different Kind of Love, we get two men who are equally loving and devoted to their Omega. And the snapshots we get into their lives as a throuple including all of the hijinks Jake and the Reader cause makes me so happy!

P.S. it would be remiss of me to conclude this entry without mentioning one of the newer series, Dead End, which features Vampire!Ari, Vampire!Andy & Vampire!Curtis. This budding story combines two of my five supernatural holy grails: vampires and zombies!!

@afriendlyblackhottie ~ Star Spangled ~ Steve Rogers

What self-respecting woman in her right mind would pass up the opportunity to dress up as one of the Star Spangled Singers for the Captain's birthday?? I thoroughly enjoyed this story, starting with the knowledge of the reader being a former villain turned Avenger, to Bucky reenacting Mrs. Nesbitt to make her laugh 😂 to my brain fizzling out for a few seconds imagining Steve being a pimp in the 40s.

@plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms ~ A Lack of Choice ~ Dark!Merman!Andy Barber

I've always loved fairytale stories from the time I was little. But now, getting the chance to read these beloved tales coated in violence and darkness fulfills a desire I never realized I had within myself. Merman!Andy is in top form in this story. The pain and rage tainting his existence sets the tone for this story from the first paragraph. But the imagery of underwater life and Andy's breathtaking mer form is enough to make you envy the reader.

@buckycuddlebuddy ~ i was made for lovin' you ~ Rockstar!Bucky

How can I describe how much I love this story??? During the first wave of photos released of Sebastian Stan in his Tommy Lee makeup for Pam & Tommy, we were blessed with an influx of rockstar and band stories. i was made for lovin' you is one of my favorites. Not only is Bucky in a band with Steve, but his wife is the bassist!!! The love between them is palpable and the chemistry between the band makes you wish you could buy a ticket to their concert.

@sunshinebuckybarnes ~ Lost ~ Bucky & Alpine Barnes

Does anyone else feel like we lost the perfect opportunity to have the chance to meet Alpine Barnes in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier? Don't get me wrong. I loved the show immensely, but I also spent six episodes waiting for Alpine 🥺 luckily, @sunshinebuckybarnes fills this void with Lost. Also, if you're looking for something steamier, I recommend reading her follow-up Found.

@after-avenging-hours ~ Out of Time (series) ~ Steve Rogers & Preserum Steve Rogers

Preserum!Steve Rogers is quickly becoming one of my favorite versions of our dear captain. The story opens with Steve's girlfriend having to go back into the 1940s to capture a vial of Dr. Erskine's super soldier serum to save Steve in the future. If you missed this one, I urge you to read it immediately!

@drabblewithfrannybarnes ~ Lucky Charms: hockey AU ~ Bucky Barnes, Jake Jensen, Steve Rogers, Ari Levinson, Andy Barber, Colin Shea & Johnny Storm

The only thing I love better than animals being a part of a story is getting a sense of nostalgia. Lucky Charms has both! When the idea to create this post first struck, I was firm in my decision to pick My Best Friend Jensen, but then I stumbled on the first story in Lucky Charms and I knew this was going to be the best I've read from Carly in 2021.

@starryevermore ~ Let's Ride ~ Biker!Ari Levinson

One of the first biker stories released, Let's Ride takes you into the world of a single mother new in town whose adorable little boy has an obsession with motorcycles. Ari is such a sweetheart in this and being a gorgeous biker is just 😍

@secretswiftymarvelfan ~ Happy Hanukkah ~ Teacher!Ari Levinson

I honestly don't know how I stumbled across this story, but I'm so glad I did! I love Ari as a teacher. Even better, this story delves into Ari's Jewish background, something I've only seen done once. This story made me wish that I had a teacher like Ari when I was younger.

@angrythingstarlight ~ Don't Give Up On Me ~ Bucky Barnes

It took me an embarrassingly long time to narrow it down to just one story. But this one was special to me. Rereading it, I was reminded why Star is my favorite Bucky writer 🥰

@mypoisonedvine ~ Diplomancy ~ Orc!Bucky

I love a good Orc story, especially when the Orc in question is a Sebastian Stan character! Orc!Bucky in this story is vastly different from the others I've read. He is a strong chieftain who at first glance is none too impressed with humans, but his snarky attitude is one of the many things that make Orc!Bucky such a wonderful character.

@stargazingfangirl18 ~ Taken ~ Andy Barber, Steve Rogers & Ransom Drysdale

Whew! This one. This one, this one. I debated for weeks if I should use this story, even though in the back of my mind, I knew there could be no other chosen before Taken. This story came out a several months ago and there's not been a week that's gone by that I have not thought about this story. When something takes a hold of your thoughts they way Taken has mine, you have to tell as many people as you can about it. I urge each and every one of you reading this post to read this story.

@specialk-18 ~ The Frost ~ Curtis Everett

I just started reading The Frost the other night and I love it! I've only read a handful of Snowpiercer stories, and this is easily becoming one of my favorites. I had no idea @specialk-18 was so creative!

@avintagekiss24 ~ lay me in the tall-grown grass in a shallow grave ~ Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes

It was a tossup choosing this story. I almost picked so give me nothing, just feel, but for this one was the winner just for the line "seventy years and two hundred pounds of FDA approved American meat"!

@wiypt-writes ~ Consciousness of Guilt ~ Andy Barber

This story follows the events of Murder, He Wrote. This one is a special gem, guys. I do recommend that you read Murder, He Wrote first to get the full understanding of how much this reader suffered and how she began to recover. It's one of those stories that really gives you a sense of appreciation for good men like Andy Barber.

@caffiend-queen ~ There's No Saying Goodbye To Me ~ Dark!Steve & Dark!Bucky

I can't believe it took me this long to realize that the Queen of Loki fics is the same author of one of my favorite Dark!Steve and Dark!Bucky stories! There's No Saying Goodbye To Me takes us to a place where Steve still goes back in time to be with his beloved Peggy, leaving the woman he claimed to love stranded with a very dangerous and scary Bucky...until Steve returns.

[janicho88]

Falling For You -Part 2

October

Pairing- Eventual Dean x Female!Reader,  Dean x Lisa(past),  Female!Reader x OMC Justin(past)

Word Count-4008

Warning- Mentions of cheating, little angst, some swearing, fluff. This is going to be a bit of a slow burn. Haunted woods.  Talk of trying to fake a pregnancy, manipulation, trying to steal from significant other/ falsify documents,  Lisa is awful, Justin isn’t much better, talk of being pressured into doing things you don’t want to.  I think that is it

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. This story is AU, and un beta’d.

Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door.  Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to.

Series Masterlist

The next week kept you busy at work and not giving you much free time in the evening.  Coming or going you always kept an eye out for your new friend though, not seeing him again till the weekend.  Heading back to your apartment after your Saturday morning workout you ran into Dean coming out of his brother’s apartment. 

“Hi stranger, how is everything coming together for you?”

“Hey Y/N, it’s coming.  I found a job, starting a week from Monday.  Still looking for a place though, guess I’ll be crashing with Sam a little longer and putting my stuff in storage up here till I find something.  Work slow down for you yet?”

“Congrats on the new job!  No, not yet.  A family emergency came up, and our new person can’t start till next week.  At least there is a light at the end though.  I hate to run on you, but I’m supposed to be meeting Meg, and I really need a shower.  Talk to you later?”

“Sure, see ya around.”

With the wedding dress found it was time to find Bridesmaid dresses.  Hopefully this went a little better.  Her wedding colors were red, black and silver, you would be happier with a black dress, but Meg was thinking red.  The color of fire, this wedding was going to be hot she said. 

Thankfully you and the 2 bridesmaids Ruby and Sarah were on the same page about finding one and getting done.  None of you wanted to try on tons of dresses. Meg actually approving of the third one you found.  They were free to leave after that, you got to go help her set up a gift registry.  Your fingers were crossed these next six months until the April wedding went fairly quick. Done for the day, she suggested meeting up with Cas and his best man so you could finally meet him.

The guys were meeting you at a local pizza shop so you could grab dinner and talk.  Walking in with Meg you quickly saw Cas, and getting closer to the table, recognized the spiky sandy brown haired man across from him.  Sliding in next to Dean you mentioned how he never said anything about being the best man, when you said you were the maid of honor. 

“Sorry, I think my head was still on other topics then.” He answered you with a small smile

“Wait, you two already know each other?”  Cas questioned looking between you both.

“Yeah, I live across the hall from his brother, remember Cas?”

“I do now.”

“No one ever told me that you and Sam knew each other from Kansas though.”

“I guess we didn’t think about it.”

It was an enjoyable evening out with your friends.  You found out more about Dean’s new job, he found a small auto shop hiring a head mechanic.  The owner, Bobby, had done most of the work himself but was looking to cut back and possibly retire in a few years.  If Dean was still around then and interested he might sell the shop to him.  There was a part time mechanic working there also, Benny.  Dean seemed to think they would get along well.

Dean gave you a ride back so Meg could take Cas with her since they lived in the opposite direction as you two.  “I don’t think I told you last week, but I really like your car.”

“Thanks, Baby is my one true girl.”

“Baby?”

Patting the top of the dash Dean glanced over and smiled at you, “That’s her name.”

You just smiled back, “It’s very nice Dean, I hope the two of you will be very happy together. 

Closer to home Dean told you he was renting a car and leaving for Kansas tomorrow.  He would turn the car in there and drive a Uhaul back with Sam the following weekend.  Apparently his brother wasn’t the best driver and he didn’t trust him to drive that far with his car or the uhaul filled with his belongings.  Sam was flying home later in the week to meet up with him.  Giving him a quick hug outside your apartment door you wished him safe travels and good luck, telling him you would see him when he got back. 

Quickly entering your apartment and shutting the door, you were trying to figure out why you hugged him, and why you suddenly were overthinking it.  You were friends, friends hugged right?  No reason to give it a second thought.

Friday night there was a knock on your door, but you weren’t expecting anyone.  Opening it you were surprised to find Jess on the other side with a pizza box and a bottle of wine.

“Hey, I thought I’d see if you were up for some company.  Sam and Dean started the drive back this afternoon, so it’s just me over there.”

“Sure!  Come on in.”  The two of you spent the evening watching bad romance moves and talking about the brothers.  Jess had known Sam since they were in undergrad at Stanford, and had a few stories to tell you about both of them.  It was nice to learn a little more about Dean.  

When Jess had more wine in her she opened up about Dean’s breakup.  “I met the cheating bitch a few times and never cared for her.  She thought she was better than everyone, always pushing Dean to buy her things, jewelry and fancy clothes.  Apparently she started asking Dean some questions that he thought were weird but told himself she must have been taking an interest in things he liked for once.”

She paused to take a drink of wine. “When Dean was packing up after he kicked her out he discovered some stuff in his safe had been moved around, insurance papers, information on stocks he owns, and even his will was in a new place.  I guess he didn’t think much of it; he was too caught up in the cheating mess, till a lawyer's office called the house like a week later and left a message saying they needed to come in and sign the last paper.  Lisa had either made a copy of his signature or forged it and was trying to put things in her name and change his will for her to inherit even if they weren’t married.  He called Sam because he needed legal help to straighten the mess up and make sure she got nothing.  

Sam went down one weekend and helped him clean it up.  They were looking up something on Dean’s laptop and one of them typed in a wrong word or start of one and some crazy past searches came up.  They looked for more and found searches relating to Dean and what he owns, what his business was worth.  There was even a search on how to fake a pregnancy test.  Sam thinks she was going to try and trick Dean into marrying her if she couldn’t change the papers on her own.  She was stupid enough to use Dean’s computer.  His parents don’t know, he doesn’t want them too.”      

“The first night I met Dean I called him by his last name and he asked something about how I knew and if I looked him up.  I get why now.”

“Dean’s a lot more guarded now.”  She gave you a lot of information to take in, no wonder he wasn’t looking to date again.

The next afternoon a commotion in the hall drew your attention.  Opening the door you found Sam and Dean struggling with some boxes they were both carrying across the hall.  You asked if they needed help, but neither heard you over Sam complaining about Dean not knowing how to pack a box.  Dean was in turn instructing Sam to be careful with the valuables. Seeing you just before he turned inside Dean gave you a wink and said he would talk to you later.

A few hours later a knock at the door had you hoping for a green eyed man on the other side.  Opening it you had gotten your wish.  “Hey, I was heading out to grab some dinner.  Give Sam and Jess some time together, thought I’d see if you wanted to join me?”  

“I actually have lasagna in the oven, it should be done in 20.  Would you like to join me here?” 

Dean’s eyes lit up at the thought of a homemade meal and he readily accepted.  Entering your apartment he removed his coat and asked if he could help with anything.  Handing him the drink he asked for, you told him everything was all set.  Salad was made and the pasta and bread were in the oven.  You washed some dishes while waiting and Dean grabbed a towel to help dry.  The two of you working together easily and talking about Dean’s trip back to Kansas.  When dinner was ready you dished it up setting Dean’s infront of him.  You noticed he wasn’t a big fan of the salad though.

“This is great, my mom isn’t much of a cook so it’s simple meals or take out at their house.  Sam and Jess cook, but it’s not real food.  He gets these plant or veggie burgers, kale and some green shakes.  I need real meat and carbs.”

“Well, you are welcome to stop over here when it gets to be too much. I’m sure I could find something that would save you.”

“Thanks sweetheart, I may take you up on that.”

When you were both finished and everything was cleaned you invited Dean to stay and watch a movie.  It was to give Sam and Jess more time alone you told yourself.  Dean was just a friend, you were hanging out with. 

A short time later your oven timer went off again and you disappeared to pull out the desert you had made.  Grabbing some ice cream from the freezer and cutting into the hot treat you once again plated it up and took some to Dean warning him it was still hot.  You didn’t think Dean’s eyes could go any bigger than they did when you handed him the fresh baked apple pie.  Taking a giant bite his eyes almost rolled back in his head.

“This is incredible, one of the best I’ve ever had.  Trust me I’ve had a lot of pie.”

“I’m sure it’s not really that special, but thanks anyways.”  

“No, I’m serious. Love me some apple.”

“Fall is a good time for apples here.  I would love to go to the orchard some time and pick my own, or even just hang out there one day.  I’ve gone a few times as a kid, but I haven’t been in years.”

“You just want to go hang out with apple trees?”

“Not exactly, there is a lot to do this time of year. Apple picking, pumpkin patches, corn maze, hayrides and a store where they sell baked goods,  fresh produce and other things.  I just think it would be fun sometime.  Maybe next year, I’ll find someone to go with me.”

“Tell you what, you pick a weekend next year and I’ll go with you.  Speaking of weekends, do you have anything going on next Saturday?”

“Um, a baby shower for a friend in the early afternoon. Then catching up on some work around here, why?”

“One of Jess’ friends is having a big Halloween party, she invited me in hopes of getting Sam to lighten up about it.  He’s not a fan of Halloween.  Anyway she said I could bring a friend if you want to go.  It’s a costume party in some old barn.”

You thought about it for a minute.  Was he asking you out, neither of you were supposed to be looking to date right now. He did say bring a friend though.  “I think I can manage that, I’ll have to see if I have a costume.”

“Great! I think she said it starts at 8, there’s supposed to be some haunted woods too.  Not a corn maze, but it can still be fun.  I’ll let you know what time she wants to leave, you don’t care if we ride together right?”

“Nope, not at all.”  At least if you were with his brother and Jess it wasn’t a date.  Why were you so worried anyway?  Dean left a short time later and you cleaned up and got ready for bed. 

The new girl you were training, Anna was finally starting to catch on in her second week.  This meant you were able to get more of your work done, and not have to stay too late.  You needed to find a costume and a baby gift sometime before Saturday. Running into Jess in the hall one night, you asked if you needed to bring anything Saturday. There wasn’t anything, and she was  just happy that you were joining them. 

Since you had just over a week until Halloween many of the costumes were already picked over, you weren’t looking to meet up with anyone so you were also trying to avoid anything too revealing.  Plus it was outside in the evening, and temps were falling so you didn’t want to freeze either.  Finally finding something you deemed would work at the third store you tried.

Saturday came faster than you had hoped.  The shower went well, Kelly was so excited to meet her little boy in a few short months.  You couldn’t wait to spoil him!  Doing a quick grocery store run, you headed home to try and clean a little before you had to get ready.  When 7:30 rolled around you were ready for the knock on your door. 

Opening the door you bit back a laugh at the sight before you, “Howdy Sheriff.”

Dean shook his head sending you a fake smile, “This was one of the few adult costumes left.”

“That’s what you get for waiting till yesterday to get your outfit Dean,”  Sam rolled his eyes, also trying not to laugh at his brother’s attire. He and Jess were dressed as Sandy and Danny from Greece.  

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I had this awesome Batman costume, but it’s in one of the boxes in storage and couldn't find it.  Oh well, cowboys are awesome too.”

“Yeah, but Dean you're a toy cowboy,”  Sam wasn’t able to hide the smile that time.

He sent Sam a glare before turning back to you, “I’m still a cowboy and a sheriff, I can still protect the princess here.  All ready?”

“Yep, I’m good to go.”

You rode in the back with Jess, Dean pouting up front because Sam decided to take his own car instead of riding in Dean’s.  Jess was telling you Sam didn’t want to dress up at all, but she was able to talk him into Danny since it was his own clothes except for the leather jacket and just some hair dye and gel. 

Arriving at Jess’ friends you and Dean followed behind as they led the way to the barn.  They had definitely put a lot of work into the decorations.  There were pumpkins and jack-o’-lanterns everywhere.  Some real, some plastic and other scary Halloween creatures along with orange lights strung all around. 

 There was a dance floor with the DJ already playing and round tables and chairs set up around the floor and a buffet in the back.  

You had never been to a Halloween party this big before.  Jess introduced you and Dean to some of her friends who Sam already knew.  Dean grabbed the two of you drinks and you sat down at a table taking everything in.  This was a little more than you were expecting.  

Sam found you a short time later, Jess was ready to go through the haunted woods they had set up and wanted to know if you two wanted to join.

“I’m game.  How about you, Y/N? Sheriff Dean will protect you.”

“Who can turn that down?”  Scary things weren’t your favorite, but you had a feeling if you said no Dean wouldn’t have gone either and you didn’t want him to miss out.  Justin had hated how some things would scare you, and you wouldn’t want to do something.  According to him you would ruin his fun, you weren’t going to do that to Dean. If you were with the three of them it shouldn’t be too bad.  

Wrong, wrong, oh so wrong!  You were going to have nightmares for a month after that. Most of the actors scaring you had come from the front or side, so you had ended up in the back hiding behind Dean to avoid everyone.  Jess had turned around to say something to you when you noticed her eyes getting bigger.  Quickly turning around you were certain they could have heard your scream in Ohio.  There was a creepy looking person behind you wearing a mask with a white face, green teeth and red eyes holding a giant knife above your head.  You never heard him come up or had any idea he was following you. 

Hearing you scream Dean turned and pulled you close to his chest and then turned the two of you back around so you were no longer facing that character.  He kept you close until you were out of the woods.  When you went back to the barn he took you over to your seat before grabbing you some water.  Kneeling down in front of you, his green eyes carefully looking you over.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m great.”

“You want to try that again?  Especially since you are still shaking?

“I’m really sorry.  I’m not the biggest fan of scary things.  That really caught me off guard.”  

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin it for anyone else.  I’ll be fine, really.”  

“Sweetheart, we need to work on your communication skills.  First that bar, now this.  If something is going to affect you like this, you gotta say something.”

“I’m okay, really.  Sorry to ruin it.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.  Sit here a minute I’ll be back.”  Dean walked off coming back a few minutes later with some food for both of you.  

Sitting next to Dean you stared at the plate he put in front of you before talking. 

 “Justin took me to Cedar Point one day with some friends of his, all other couples.  I’m terrified of heights and dropping too, he knew this beforehand.  I’m more of a spin me girl, as long as it’s not too far off the ground.  They were all excited about going on the biggest coaster there, I told them I would watch everyone’s stuff while they went.  This one takes your picture on the way down, one of the girls said if I wasn’t there some stranger would be in the picture with all of them.  Justin took me aside and said when I don’t participate in these things it makes him look bad and ruins his good time.  I should be a better girlfriend and do what he wants.”

“I would really like to introduce your ex to my fist.  If something is bothering you, I really want you to speak up, no matter what, okay.”

“Okay, thanks Dean.”

  When Sam and Jess caught back up to you, she pulled you out to the dance floor with her since her fiancé wasn’t interested.  The guys watched as the two of you enjoyed yourselves.

Arriving back at your apartment that night, Dean followed you in to make sure you were going to be alright.  You assured him you would be fine.  What you didn’t tell him was you were going to be sleeping with the lights on tonight.  He did a quick check of your apartment before going back across the hall.  

Halloween was the following Friday, Meg invited you over to her and Cas’ place to hang out while they handed out candy to the trick or treaters.  Cas had also invited Dean, Sam and Jess.  He must have told Dean you were coming because Dean offered to drive you over with them.

The phone in your pocket started going off snapping you out of your daydreams, “Hello.”

“Hey Y/N, are you still home?”

“Yeah, why what’s up Dean?”

“I’ve been knocking on your door for a few minutes now, everything okay?”

“Yeah,”  looking down you saw the time on your watch.  “I’m sorry I lost track of time. I was sitting on the patio and didn’t hear you.”  Rushing inside you locked the door behind you before quickly letting Dean in.  

“Sorry, let me grab these and I’m good to go.” Grabbing your Halloween sweatshirt and the two containers sitting on your counter you were headed back to the door.

“What’s in there?”

“Oh I got bored last night and made some Halloween sugar cookies and pumpkin cake bars with apple cider glaze for today.”

Dean just looked at you as you rode the elevator down to meet Sam and Jess, “What is that look for?”

“Well, are you going to give me one?”  You were a little lost and just stared back.  “Oh sorry, forgot the magic words, trick or treat.  May I have my treat now?” He asked, pointing to the containers.

“Oh sorry, sure, the bars are a little crumbly, but you can have a cookie now. 

He took a big bite of the orange pumpkin shaped cookie.  “It’s not your apple pie, but it’s very good, sweetheart.” 

The guys disappeared into the basement when you arrived, apparently there was some horror movie marathon on, you were just fine avoiding that.  You three ladies hung out in the living room so you would hear kids coming to the door, and watched the Halloweentown movies on TV.  Meg and Jess compared wedding notes and talked about their different frustrations.  Jess and Sam were getting married in July.

You were happy for your friends, but if you were being honest, also a little jealous.  They had found great guys, been with them for years, now they were getting ready to walk down the aisle to them.  You had thought by the time you were 27 you would be settling down too.  Instead you were swearing off dating right now.  Your Mr Right seems to have taken some wrong turns somewhere and wouldn’t ask for directions.  Apparently you zoned out from the conversation because both girls were looking at you.  “Sorry, what’s up?”

“I was saying I’m not sure I would be cut out for the matron of honor duties when you get married.  We all know I don’t have the patience.  You could have Jess, and we know Sam would be the best man, it would work out great.”

Yep, you definitely missed something. “Wait, when and who am I marrying, and why is Sam already the best man?”

“Really Y/N?”  Meg giving you her best bitch face, “when you and Dean get married.”

“You guys make such a great couple!  I’m so glad he found you!  Lisa was just awful to him from the start, and to cheat on him like that.”  

Lisa must be the reason he left Kansas, no one mentioned her name before.  “Guys we’re just friends, we aren’t a couple or even dating.  Neither one of us want to get back out there right now.”

“Y/N, you can’t let Justin ruin your chance at happiness, it’s been over four months now.  At some point you need to get back out there.  Deano is one of the good ones, you are going to regret it if you let him go.”

“Meg, Dean doesn’t want to date anyone either.  We really are just friends, just hanging out.”

When you walked away to hand out candy, Meg turned to Jess, “any idea how long those two are going to stay in denial about how they feel?”  Jess just shook her head as they both stared after you.

Part 3

Thank you for reading!

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[thefinalcinderella]

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru Chapter 7 - The Qualifiers (Part 1)

It’s here

Full list of translations here

Translation Notes

1. The Kansei Reforms is a “series of conservative measures promoted (largely during the Kansei era [1789–1801]) by the Japanese statesman Matsudaira Sadanobu between 1787 and 1793 to restore the sinking financial and moral condition of the Tokugawa government.” (Source: Encyclopedia Britannica)

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“The weather’s good today.”

Kakeru stretched deeply and breathed in the refreshing autumn air. According to the weather report they had heard on the radio before heading out, it was thirteen degrees and humidity was at eighty-three percent. And there was almost no wind—for the middle of October, the weather was relatively easy to run in. It’s fitting for a battle, Kakeru thought.

Next to Kakeru, Jouji was looking at a family with a picnic blanket. Being a Saturday, the park was already filled with people who had come to watch the qualifiers while relaxing and taking a walk.

“It looks like fun. My bladder’s been acting funny for a while now, though.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing comes out even when I go to the toilet.”

Jouji had already gone to the washroom more than ten times since getting up, but it would be pointless even if Kakeru told him not to be nervous. The sound of the taiko drums from each school’s cheerleading squad resounded through the Showa Memorial Park in Tachikawa—it was an unavoidable reminder that the qualifiers would soon begin.

By noon that day, it would be decided whether or not they would be able to participate in the Hakone Ekiden. Unable to find any words that would soothe Jouji’s high-strung nerves, Kakeru only said, “Me too.”

Jouta was sprawled out on top of the grass a little farther away, his eyes tightly closed. His hands, which were resting on his stomach, sometimes twitched, so it didn’t seem like he was sleeping. Even though everyone at Chikusei-sou had woken up before dawn and taken the train for about an hour to get to Showa Memorial Park, Kakeru didn’t feel sleepy; every single corner of his consciousness was clear.

“I’m going to go jogging one more time. What about you, Jouji?”

When Kakeru asked that, Jouji answered, “I’m going to the washroom.” Kakeru parted with Jouji and left the lawn, then started running through the large park.

The runners from the other schools were also concentrating on warming up and familiarizing themselves with the terrain of the park. Every time he caught sight of the blue jerseys of TSU, Kakeru’s heart leapt awkwardly; he didn’t want to run into Sakaki. If his concentration before the race was disturbed, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself after just quarrelling with him this time.

A wave of spectators had already started rushing towards the start point to cheer on their favorite schools and runners. There were cheering squad members dressed in gakuran holding large flags and many musical instruments, and they were having heated arguments with the cheering squads of other schools in order to secure the best possible spot.

He had already warmed up enough. He didn’t feel like he could stay still, but he couldn’t tire himself out before the race, Kakeru told himself. He stopped jogging and returned to the grass near the start point.

The banner made by Yaokatsu and the plasterer had been put up, so Kansei’s camp was easy to identify. The people from the shopping district were sitting on picnic blankets, waiting for the signal gun that would announce the beginning of the qualifiers. The residents of Chikusei-sou had all gathered after having finished their running preparations. Scattered around them at suitable distances were the other schools’ camps, their multicolored banners dyed with the names of their school.

“Our banner is pretty good.”

King, seeing Kakeru, started talking to him immediately. Is it? Kakeru thought, but noticing King’s trembling fingers, he obediently nodded, “Yes.”

“To begin with, Kansei U esteems the spirit of Lord Matsudaira Sadanobu, who carried out the Kansei Reforms (1)…”

Perhaps because he was nervous, King began discharging miscellaneous trivia like a broken tape record at a tourist information desk. Kakeru sat down while making half-hearted interjections—Hanako had prepared blankets and water bottles, so the plastic sheet had become a comfortable space.

“We did a trial run, so I’m sure you all understand what we’re doing, but let’s review today’s strategy,” Kiyose said. Shindou and Musa were staring at the TV crew’s equipment admiringly, but hurriedly went over to Kiyose. Kakeru drew a rough map of the qualifiers’ race course on a whiteboard.

“What’s that, a maze?” Prince’s brows knitted together.

“The course is simple,” Kakeru started explaining the diagram with a hint of objection aimed at Prince. “We start at the JSDF garrison that adjoins the park. We do two laps around the runway and the taxiway. Then, we go out onto the road, go along the street in front of the station, go under the elevated monorail, and then return to the park. We do one lap of the park, and the finish line is next to the grass clearing.”

Kiyose pointed out important points about the course.

“We didn’t do a trial run at the garrison, but just think of the runway and taxiway as a very spacious track. Those two laps are five kilometers. It’s our first time running in this place, and there are no landmarks or signs, so it will probably be hard to grasp the distance. I don’t know how the race will unfold, but don’t get influenced by the runners who are running fast from the starting line; figure out your pacing by yourself. You’ll have done ten kilometers about the time you pass under the monorail. You’ll turn back at the eleven or twelve kilometer point, and you’ll be at fifteen kilometers immediately after you return to the park. There’s a water station, but don’t worry too much if you don’t happen to get any. And then from here, it’ll be a battle of whether or not you have enough strength left. The park has a lot of small ups and downs, but give it one last push and run to the finish line as fast as you can.”

“I have a question.” Musa raised his hand. “In order to pass the qualifiers, what are the times we need to set? I would like to know a rough estimate.”

“I don’t want to tell you too much because I don’t want you to panic, but…” Kiyose hesitated.

“These guys need to panic a bit. If you leave them to their own devices they’ll just crawl the whole way,” Yuki said. “It varies year to year, depending on the weather and the development of the race, but if the ten of us have a combined time in the ten hour and twelve minute range, then we’ll be safe.”

“Hie!” The twins let out strange sounds.

“So, what you’re saying is that it’s twenty kilometers per person and we’re running them in a little over an hour?” Jouta said.

“That’s just over three minutes per kilometer, Nii-chan!” Jouji said.

“And we don’t have intercollegiate points,” Nico-chan supplemented. “If we finish seventh or lower for time, there’s a high chance we’ll suddenly lose because intercollegiate points will get involved. We want to break into the top six, where it’s decided purely using just the total times.”

“We’ll be fine,” Kiyose reassuringly calmed their agitation. “Kakeru and I will make as much time as we can. There’s a lot of participants, so run together at first and maintain your pace. While you’re doing your first lap on the runway, those who don’t have enough energy should be shaken off. Never be tempted by a pace that’s too fast or too slow.”

“Okay,” Jouji responded like a good boy.

“However,” Kiyose added, “if the leading group is too fast I’ll give you a signal, but otherwise you’ll have to keep up with them, or it’ll be hard to pass the qualifiers. If all ten of us don’t get to the finish line with all our strength, then everything will end today!”

Most of them had resolved themselves inwardly, but Prince and King already seemed to be getting cold feet.

“Can we do this?” they muttered to each other. “It seems tough…”

“I have a question too.” The owner of Yaokatsu raised his hand.

“Dad!” Hanako admonished him, but he continued talking without minding her.

“The other universities seem to have more people in uniforms than you do. What’s up with that exactly?”

“Katsu-chan, I was wondering about that too.” The plasterer looked around. “I counted, but there are twelve people wearing uniforms at TSU and NKU. We only have ten people.”

“You noticed something unfortunate, sir.” Kiyose forced a smile. “For the qualifiers, a team can register a maximum of fourteen people as expected participants. Taking into account physical conditions and other things, they whittle it down to twelve people on the day of the race."

Yuki pushed up his glasses and added to his explanation.

"In Hakone, the universities all compete against each other with the combined times of the top ten people among them. That means teams with lots of members have two extra people for insurance.”

As Kansei only had ten runners, if any one of them failed to reach the finish line, their path to Hakone would be severed. Learning once again the weight of the responsibility he was bearing, Prince paled and clutched at his stomach. Conversely, Kakeru’s fighting spirit reached its peak, and he couldn’t wait to start running.

“Let’s do our best.” Jouji said cheerfully, perhaps having given up on his bladder that wouldn’t obey his will. “Today we’re avenging the landlord!”

“He’s not dead,” Kakeru muttered.

It was almost time to assemble at the starting line.

“Let’s go,” Kiyose said readily.

“We’re not going to form a huddle and cheer?” King asked nervously.

“Do you want to do that?”

“No, but…” King mumbled his words. Conscious of the TV cameras, he was fretting about not looking good if they didn’t do something. Kiyose guessed what King was thinking.

“The mountains of Hakone are the steepest in the world!” He said. “Now, let’s go.”

Kiyose, who started walking at once, was as calm as usual. Either dumbfounded or stifling their laughter, the members of Chikusei-sou followed him.

“Go!”

“Win and come back!”

The people of the shopping district saw them off.

“We’ll be waiting for you at the finish line!”

Everyone only waved back at Hanako’s words. Once the runners started moving, the spectators began to make their way across the large park towards the finish line. Hanako and the others carried their bags and made preparations to set up camp in the grass clearing.

“What’s the matter with them? Having those soppy looks on their faces,” Yaokatsu and the plasterer huffed.

There were cheering contests for each school beginning; helicopters circling in the sky; TV cameras set up here and there; bikes keeping pace with the runners while filming them; leading cars with speakers; the noise of the spectators along the course, waiting for the runners to pass by. Experiencing this brilliance and enthusiasm for the first time, Chikusei-sou couldn’t help but shrink back.

“I didn’t know the Hakone Ekiden was this popular already starting from the qualifiers,” Shindou said, moved.

“I went to the washroom with Prince-san just now,” Jouji said. “I was shocked. It was my first time seeing a men’s room with a line for the stalls. The participants were taking turns going number two.”

“I used to have a prejudice against people who did sports.” Prince was still rubbing his stomach. “I thought they were all muscle down to their brains, but it seems that everyone has delicate nerves, surprisingly.”

Jouta had been lying down like a corpse, but incredibly, he was now walking with a bounce in his step. It seemed that he had overcome his nervousness with concentration.

“We’re finally taking our first step towards winning Hakone.”

Winning? Kakeru glanced at Kiyose. Even if they could pass the qualifiers, it would be impossible to win the main race with these members. Kiyose noticed his gaze and silently smiled a little. Don’t say anything that would lower their morale right now, his eyes said.

The participants crowded the start point. They could see the TSU uniforms beyond the wall of people. Kansei would be setting out from the rear.

When you look at it like this…Kakeru thought. Their builds were completely different. The runners in front of him from schools that frequently competed in Hakone had tight and lean figures. However, some of the university students starting from the back had obviously heavy frames and leg muscles that suggested that they hadn’t been running long enough. 

But the biggest difference was the expressions on their faces: the runners from schools that were called weak weren’t experienced and looked unsure of themselves before the race. It’s cruel, Kakeru thought. Even though long distance running was a sport where it was relatively feasible to manage somehow with hard work, the cold hard truth was that there were still the physical abilities and constitutions that one was born with. In addition, whether or not the runners could prepare an environment, equipment and coaches that would allow them to devote themselves to the sport depended on the financial power of their school.

Nevertheless, there was no difference in the level of seriousness in aiming for Hakone among the people gathered there. No matter what one’s position or circumstances were, in running, everyone had no choice but to stand at the same starting line. Success or failure were brought forth by one’s own body right at that moment.

That’s why it’s fun as well as painful. And freer than anything else.

Kakeru looked at the members of Chikusei-sou, dressed in their black and silver uniforms; bodies with no extra fat and supple muscles stretched thinly over their frames. They were the bodies of living beings built for running, not inferior to the runners of the regular schools. They were not afraid, and their eyes sparkled with curiosity and fighting spirit.

We can do this, Kakeru thought.

He didn’t think about anything else. Once they started, there was only running. Kakeru fixed his gaze ahead and waited for the departure signal gun.

It was eight-thirty in the morning. The qualifiers began.

Thirty-six schools—four hundred and fifteen runners—started running at once. It was the opening of the battle where the right to participate in the Hakone Ekiden was at stake.

Only nine schools can go to Hakone from here. We’ll definitely be one of them. Kakeru kicked off the ground with all his strength.

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[weavingthetapestry]

19th March 1286: “A Strong Wind Will Be Heard in Scotland”

(Image source: Wikimedia Commons)

On 19th March 1286, a body was discovered on a Fife beach, not far from the royal burgh of Kinghorn. The corpse was that of a 44-year-old man, and the cause of death was later diversely reported as either a broken neck or some other severe injury consistent with a fall from a horse at some point during the previous night. It is not known exactly when this body was found, nor do we know who discovered it. But we do know that the dead man was soon identified, with much dismay, as the King of Scots himself, Alexander III.

The late king had no surviving children, only a young widow who was not yet known to be pregnant, and an infant granddaughter in the kingdom of Norway. Despite this, Alexander III’s untimely death did not cause any immediate civil strife, although it did set in motion a chain of events which eventually led to the Scottish Wars of Independence. This conflict would forever alter the relationship between the kingdoms of Scotland and England, as well as the wider course of European history.

Although Alexander III was a moderately successful monarch, he had been unfortunate over the last ten years. His first wife, Margaret of England, had died in 1275 and Alexander initially showed no immediate interest in remarriage. At first the succession seemed secure: Margaret had left behind two sons and a daughter. However the death of the couple’s younger son David c.1281, may have prompted the king’s decision to arrange the marriages of his two surviving children over the next few years. In the summer of 1281, the twenty-year-old Princess Margaret set sail for Bergen, where she was to marry King Eirik II of Norway. Her brother Alexander, the eighteen-year-old heir to the throne, married the Count of Flanders’ daughter in November 1282. Neither marriage lasted long. The queen of Norway died in spring 1283, possibly during childbirth, while her younger brother succumbed to illness in January 1284. Within a few years, a series of unforeseen tragedies had destroyed Alexander III’s family and hopes, and the outlook for the kingdom seemed equally bleak...

All was not lost however. The king was in good health and believed he could count on the support of the realm’s leading men. Steps were swiftly taken to ensure their compliance with his plans for the succession. On 5th February 1284, a few weeks after Prince Alexander’s death, an impressive number of Scottish nobles* set their seals to an agreement at Scone. In the event of the king of Scotland’s death without any surviving legitimate children, they obliged themselves and their heirs to accept as monarch the heir at law. This was currently a baby named Margaret, the only surviving child of Alexander III’s daughter the queen of Norway.

(Drawing based on a seal belonging to Yolande of Dreux, Alexander III’s second queen. She later became Countess of Montfort and, by marriage, Duchess of Brittany. Source: Wikimedia Commons)

Although the bishops of Scotland were to censure anyone who broke this oath, the prospect of the crown being inherited by an infant girl on the other side of the North Sea was obviously not ideal. Her grandfather struck an optimistic note in a letter to his brother-in-law Edward I of England, writing that in spite of his recent “intolerable” trials, “the child of his dearest daughter” still lived and hoping that “much good may yet be in store”. But the king would not leave everything up to chance and in October 1285, at the age of 43, he married the French noblewoman Yolande of Dreux. As the year drew to a close, Alexander might have hoped that his misfortunes were behind him. He still had his kingdom and his health, and now, with a new queen, there was every chance that he could father another son.

In fact, the king had less than six months to live. The exact circumstances of Alexander’s death are shrouded in mystery, although most sources agree on the fundamental details. Only the Chronicle of Lanercost gives a detailed account, although much cannot be corroborated, and its author had a habit of providing moral explanations for historical events. He was convinced that the calamities which befell the Scottish royal house in the 1280s were punishment for Alexander III’s personal sins. The chronicler never explicitly names these sins, but he does hint at a conflict between the king and the monks of Durham (allowing Alexander’s death to be attributed to a vengeful St Cuthbert). The chronicler also included salacious stories of Alexander’s private life, claiming:

“he used never to forbear on account of season or storm, nor for perils of flood or rocky cliffs, but would visit, not too creditably, matrons and nuns, virgins and widows, by day or by night as the fancy seized him, sometimes in disguise, often accompanied by a single follower.”

Although this does seem to back up the king’s habit of making reckless journeys, alone and in bad weather, the chronicle’s biases are nonetheless fairly obvious. On the other hand, the man who probably compiled the chronicle up to the year 1297 does appear to have had many contacts in Scotland. These included the confessors of the late Queen Margaret and her son Prince Alexander, as well as the latter’s tutor, the clergy of Haddington and Berwick, and the earl of Dunbar. It is unclear how he acquired information about Alexander III’s death, but the chronicle’s narrative is at least plausible and correct in its essentials. Although some of the anecdotes are a little too detailed and didactic to be entirely truthful, the narrative provides some interesting insights into contemporary behaviour, such as the way medieval Scots felt entitled to address their kings. In the absence of alternative narratives, and without necessarily subscribing to the chronicler’s moral views, it is therefore perhaps worth following Lanercost to begin with, supplementing this with additional information where possible.

(The northern half of a map of Britain, drawn by the thirteenth century English chronicler Matthew Paris. Matthew Paris was based in the south of England and was not overly familiar with Scottish geography, but his depiction of Scotland as split over two islands and joined only at the bridge of Stirling, is nonetheless enlightening. The map is now in the public domain and has been made available by the British Libary (x))

On the evening of 18th March 1286, Alexander III is reported to have been in good spirits. This was in spite of the weather, which the author of the Chronicle of Lanercost described as being so foul, “that to me and most men, it seemed disagreeable to expose one’s face to the north wind, rain and snow”. The king of Scots was then dining at Edinburgh, attended by many of his nobles, who were preparing a response to the king of England’s ambassadors regarding the aged prisoner Thomas of Galloway. However when the court had finished dinner King Alexander was not at all anxious to retire early. Instead, not in the least deterred by the wind and rain lashing the windows, he announced his intention of spending the night with his new wife. Since Queen Yolande was then staying at Kinghorn in Fife, travelling there from Edinburgh would not only involve riding over twenty miles in the dark, but would also mean crossing the choppy waters of the Firth of Forth. Unsurprisingly, the king’s councillors tried to dissuade him. However Alexander was determined, and eventually he set off with only a few attendants, leaving his courtiers wringing their hands behind him.

The first part of the journey passed without incident and soon the king and his companions arrived at the Queen’s Ferry, by the shores of the Forth. This popular crossing point was named after Alexander’s famous ancestress St Margaret, who had established accommodation and transport for pilgrims there two hundred years earlier. But when the king himself sought passage, the ferryman pointed out that it would be very dangerous to attempt the crossing in such conditions. Alexander, undeterred, asked him if he was scared, to which the ferryman is said to have stoutly replied, “By no means, it would be a great honour to share the fate of your father’s son.” So the king and his attendants boarded the ferry and, notwithstanding the storm, the boat soon reached the shores of Fife in safety. As the king and his squires rode away from the ferry port, intending to complete the last eleven or so miles of their journey that night, they passed through the royal burgh of Inverkeithing. There, despite the evening gloom, the king’s voice was recognised by the manager of his saltpans, who was also one of the baillies of the town.** The burgess called out to the king and reprimanded him for his habit of riding abroad at night, inviting Alexander to stay with him until morning. But, laughing, Alexander dismissed his concerns and, asking only for some local serfs to act as guides, he rode off into the night.

(South Queensferry, as drawn by the eighteenth century artist John Clerk and made available for public use by the National Galleries of Scotland. Obviously the Queen’s Ferry changed a lot between the 1280s and the 1700s, but at least during this period the ferry was still the main mode of transportation across the Forth.)

By now darkness had set in and, despite the local knowledge of their guides, it was not long before every member of the king’s party became completely lost. Although they had become separated, the king’s squires eventually found the road again. However at some point they must have realised that they had a new problem: the king was nowhere to be found.

In the early fifteenth century, local tradition held that Alexander was at least heading in the right direction when he became separated from his companions. Although he too had lost sight of the main road, the king followed the shoreline, his horse carrying him swiftly over the sands towards Kinghorn. It was there, only a couple of miles from his destination, that the king’s luck finally ran out. Since there were no known witnesses to Alexander III’s death, it is unlikely that we will ever know for certain what happened that night. However most sources agree that the king’s horse probably stumbled and threw its rider. Alexander tumbled to the ground and snapped his neck and, at a stroke, the dynasty which had ruled Scotland for over two hundred years came to an end.

It is not known precisely how long the king’s body lay on the beach, alone under the moon while the waves crashed on the shore and confusion reigned among his squires and guides. However his corpse was discovered the next day and was swiftly conveyed to nearby Dunfermline. Ten days later, on 29th March 1286, the kingdom’s ruling elite gathered to see the last King Alexander buried near the high altar of the abbey kirk, in the company of his ancestors. Near the spot where the king’s body was allegedly found, a stone cross was later erected beside the road, which could still be seen by travellers over a hundred years later. The modern belief that Alexander III died when either he or his horse fell from a cliff*** (a tradition which is not supported by any mediaeval sources so far as I am aware) may stem from the position of this old cross, which possibly occupied the same spot as that of the Victorian Alexander III monument. This monument can now be seen at the side of the modern A921 road between Burntisland and Kinghorn, a permanent reminder of the role this seemingly nondescript location once played in the history of Scotland.

(The Alexander III monument near Kinghorn. Source: Wikimedia Commons- the photo was taken by Kim Traynor who has kindly made the image available for reuse under the  Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license).

The impact of Alexander’s death on a small mediaeval kingdom like Scotland, conditioned to look to its monarch for leadership, must have been great. Even the Lanercost chronicler admitted that the general populace was observed “bewailing his sudden death as deeply as the desolation of the realm.” However it is important not to exaggerate the scale of the crisis. Popular views of Alexander III’s death are inescapably informed by the accounts of fourteenth and fifteenth century writers, who depicted it as the root of all of Scotland’s later ills.

Writing in the aftermath of a century dominated by war, plague, famine, and climate change, it is perhaps unsurprising that many late mediaeval chroniclers looked back on Alexander III’s reign as comparatively peaceful. As the author of the fourteenth century “Gesta Annalia II” explained, “How worthy of tears and how hurtful his death was to the kingdom of Scotland is plainly shown forth by the evils of after times.” Meanwhile, in his “Orygynale Cronykil of Scotland” completed c.1420, Andrew Wyntoun portrayed Alexander’s reign as a Golden Age of peace and justice (when, just as importantly, oats only cost fourpence a boll). He incorporated an old song into his chronicle, perhaps written in the years following the king’s accident, which neatly encapsulates later views of the event and its impact:

“Quhen Alysandyr oure Kyng wes dede 

That Scotland led in luẅe and lé, 

Away wes sons off ale and brede, 

Off wyne and wax, off gamyn and glé: 

Oure gold wes changyd in to lede. 

Cryste borne in to Vyrgynyté, 

Succoure Scotland and remede, 

That stad [is in] perplexyté.”

Wyntoun’s younger contemporary Walter Bower, author of the “Scotichronicon”, also lamented Alexander’s premature death and even rolled out a legend about Scotland’s famous seer, Thomas the Rhymer, to reinforce his point. On 18th March 1286, he claimed, the earl of Dunbar “half-jesting” asked the Rhymer for the next day’s weather forecast. True Thomas answered gloomily:

“Alas for tomorrow, a day of calamity and misery! Because before the stroke of twelve a strong wind will be heard in Scotland, the like of which has not been known since long ago. Indeed its blast will dumbfound the nations and render senseless those who hear it, it will humble what is lofty and raze what is unbending to the ground.”

The next morning came and went without any gales, so the earl decided that Thomas had gone mad- until a messenger arrived at precisely midday with news of the king’s death. Although Bower may have been attempting to bolster Thomas of Erceldoune’s reputation as a prophet (in response to English propagandic use of Merlin’s prophecies), the anecdote reveals the significance he attached to Alexander III’s death. Similarly for John Barbour, author of the fourteenth century romance “The Bruce”, there was no doubt that the story of his hero’s story began, “Quhen Alexander the king was deid / That Scotland haid to steyr and leid.” Following this, Barbour skips ahead to the selection of John Balliol as king, dismissing the six years in between as a time when the country lay “desolate”. In this way later chroniclers created the impression of an Alexandrian ‘Golden Age’ and that Scotland almost immediately descended into chaos after his death. Though understandable, these late mediaeval interpretations have traditionally hampered analysis of Alexander’s reign and the events of the decade following his death, despite the best efforts of modern historians.

(The coronation of the young Alexander III at Scone, as depicted in a manuscript version of the fifteenth century “Scotichronicon”, compiled by the Abbot of Incholm, Walter Bower.  Source: Wikimedia Commons)

In reality, while the king’s death was undoubtedly a deep blow, the Scottish political community rallied in the immediate aftermath. In April 1286, parliament assembled at Scone and promised to keep the peace on behalf of the rightful heir to the kingdom. Six ‘Guardians’ were to govern in the meantime- two bishops (William Fraser of St Andrews and Robert Wishart of Glasgow), two earls (Alexander Comyn, earl of Buchan and Duncan, earl of Fife), and two barons (John Comyn of Badenoch and James the Steward). Despite the oaths sworn to Margaret of Norway two years earlier, there may have been some doubt as to who the “rightful heir” actually was. Certain sources claim that Alexander III’s widow Yolande of Dreux was pregnant and the political community waited anxiously for several months before the queen gave birth in November 1286. However no male heir materialised**** and by the end of the year it seems to have been generally acknowledged that the three-year-old Maid of Norway was the rightful “Lady of Scotland”. She was destined never to set foot in Scotland, but, despite her age, gender, and absence from the realm, the country did not descend into complete anarchy in the four years when she was the accepted heir to the throne. Undoubtedly there were people who had reservations about her reign: the Bruces, for example, seem to have attempted a short-lived rebellion, though the situation was soon defused by the Guardians. By 1289 the cracks were perhaps beginning to show, with the death of the earl of Buchan and the murder of the earl of Fife removing two Guardians, who were not replaced. Nonetheless, the authority of the Guardians was recognised in the absence of an adult ruler and they generally attempted to govern competently in the four years between Alexander III’s accident and the Maid of Norway’s own death in 1290.

Having received news of this second tragedy, the Guardians again acted cautiously, deciding that rival claims for the kingship should be judged in an official court chaired by a respected and powerful arbitrator. Thus they appealed to Scotland’s formidable neighbour, Edward I of England. Despite later allegations of foul play, the English king’s eventual judgement in favour of John Balliol does appear to have been consistent with the law of primogeniture and due process. It would take years of steady deterioration before war finally broke out in 1296. By then Alexander III had been dead for a decade, and though the crisis may have indirectly grown out of his demise, it was not necessarily the immediate cause of Scotland’s late mediaeval woes. Nonetheless the events of that dark night in March 1286 would leave their mark on the popular imagination for centuries, shaping Scottish history down to the present day.

(An imprint of the Great Seal used by the Guardians of Scotland following Alexander III’s death. Reproduced in the “History of Scottish seals from the eleventh to the seventeenth century”, by Walter de Gray Birch, now out of copyright and available on internet archive)

Additional Notes:

*The assembled magnates included the earls of Buchan, Dunbar, Strathearn, Atholl, Lennox, Carrick, Mar, Angus, Menteith, Ross, Sutherland, and two other earls whose titles are illegible but who may have been Caithness and Fife.  The barons included Robert de Brus the elder (father of the earl of Carrick and grandfather of the future Robert I), James Stewart, John Balliol (the future king), John Comyn of Badenoch, William de Soules, Enguerrand de Coucy (Alexander III’s maternal cousin), William Murray, Reginald le Cheyne, William de St Clair, Richard Siward, William of Brechin, Nicholas de Hay, Henry de Graham, Ingelram de Balliol, Alan the son of the earl, Reginald Cheyne the younger, (John?) de Lindsay, Simon Fraser, Alexander MacDougall of Argyll, Angus MacDonald, and Alan MacRuairi, among others. 

** The historian G.W.S. Barrow identified this figure as Alexander the saucier the master of the royal sauce kitchen and one of the baillies of Inverkeithing. 

*** There are some variations on this local tradition too- in 1794, the minister who wrote the entry for Kinghorn parish in the Old Statistical Account claimed that the ‘King’s Wood-end’ near the site of the current Alexander III monument was where the king liked to hunt and that he fell from his horse while on a hunting trip. 

****The Guardians and other nobles may have assembled at Clackmannan for the birth. Several modern historians have accepted Walter Bower’s statement that the queen’s baby was stillborn, despite the Chronicle of Lanercost’s somewhat fantastic tale of a fake pregnancy, with Yolande being caught conspiring to smuggle an actor’s son into Stirling Castle.

Selected Bibliography: 

- “The Chronicle of Lanercost”, as translated by Sir Herbert Maxwell 

- “Calendar of Documents Relating to Scotland, Preserved Among the Public Records of England”, Volume 2, ed. Joseph Bain 

- Rymer’s “Foedera…”, Volume 1 part 1 

- “Documents Illustrative of the History of Scotland”, vol 1., ed. Joseph Stevenson 

- “Scottish Annals From English Chroniclers”, ed. A.O. Anderson (especially Annals of Worcester; Thomas Wykes; Chronicles in Annales Monastici) 

- “Early Sources of Scottish History”, ed. A.O. Anderson (esp. Chronicle of Holyrood, various continuations of the Chronicle of the Kings of Scotland; John of Evenden; Nicholas Trivet) 

- “The Flowers of History… as Collected by Mathew of Westminster”, ed. C.D. Yonge - Gesta Annalia II (formerly attributed to John of Fordun) in “John of Fordun’s Chronicle of the Scottish Nation”, ed. W. F. Skene 

- John Barbour’s “The Brus”, ed. A.A.M. Duncan 

- “The Orygynale Cronikil of the Scotland”, vol.2., by Andrew Wyntoun, ed. David Laing 

- “A History Book for Scots: Selections from the Scotichronicon”, ed. D.E.R. Watt 

- “The Authorship of the Lanercost Chronicle”, by A.G. Little in the English Historical Review, vol. 31 no. 122, p. 269-279 

- “The Kingship of the Scots”, A.A.M. Duncan 

- “Robert Bruce and the Community of the Realm of Scotland”, G.W.S. Barrow 

- “The Wars of Scotland, 1230-1371”, Michael Brown

I have extensive notes so if anyone needs a reference for a specific detail please let me know.

[four-loose-screws]

An Interview with Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga about Fire Emblem (Claude‘s Japanese VA), Pgs. 1 & 2

The gaming magazine scene is still a pretty big deal in Japan to this day. Admittedly... I only cared about them to collect the giant bonus posters. I always swore I would read the magazine, but with the hours in a day being so limited, I never did.

Until last November, that is!! I bought Nindori (Nintendo Dream) for a Zelda poster, and saw that the main article of the issue was... An interview with Claude’s Japanese VA!! Now that’s the real treasure!!

And as I read, it only got more and more interesting... turns out Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga has been a Fire Emblem fan since the very, very beginning, and has all the unique feelings towards FE of someone who is simultaneously a fan and a professional.

I’ve gone to hell and back slowly working my way through this translation. It just so happened to be at a really high level of Japanese. One of the fun things about being a translator is, you never really know exactly what’s going to be a challenge to translate for you. (Even kid’s books can use a bunch of words you don’t know and throw you in for a loop sometimes.)

And now, it’s finally ready to start posting!! Please enjoy it to your heart’s content!!

However... the interview doesn’t start until page 3, so everyone will have to wait until the next post before you can start to read it. ^^’ For now, enjoy some awesome commentary from Senri Kita, on her illustration for the promo card that came with this issue!

Pg. 1 (pg. 12 in the magazine)

Fire Emblem Cipher Finale Special Feature

Fire Emblem Party

This year marks the 30th anniversary of the Fire Emblem (FE) series. The release of the 22nd booster set in October is the grand finale of the TCG FE Cipher, and the promo card included with this magazine will also be the final one. As such, we included a special feature about Claude, the character featured on the card, and the history of Fire Emblem! Please enjoy this lavish party!

Voice Actor of Claude in “Three Houses”

An Interview with Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga

About Three Houses & the 30th Anniversary

Pg. 14 ->

Introduction of a Deck w/ the Promo Card + New Booster Set Information

Hero Research Lab

Pg. 22 ->

Promo Card

“Secret Dance Prodigy

Claude (Fodlan)”

Enclosed in the back of the magazine ->

-> The formal event outfit that Claude can be changed into if you purchase the DLC

Claude (Fodlan)※, from “FE Three Houses,” the latest release in the FE series. This card is part of a set with the other class leaders, Edelgard and Dimitri, who were included in previous issues. Because this is the finale, Claude is wearing formal clothing, and the card is holographic!

(above) The scene from “FE Three Houses” that is portrayed on the card. It is from the Officer’s Academy ball.

※Claude (Fodlan): Because there is another character with the same name in “Genealogy of the Holy War,” Claude is called “Claude of Fodlan” in FE Cipher.  (T/N: This distinction does not apply in English, as Claud and Claude are spelled differently. Both are クロード in Japanese.)

Pg. 2 (pg. 13 in the magazine)

making

[rough sketch] The scene for this art is the ball, so I decided to use warm tones, and bring the entire piece together with an orange-gold color. I arranged the information that I wanted to convey (that Claude is drawing the hand to him) in such a way that it would not be covered by the card icons or frame.

[midway progress] I cleaned up the lines that I drew loosely on the rough draft. I also created different layers for the outline and the colors to make it easier to color when the time came.

[finished drawing] I adjusted Claude’s right hand to give it depth, then added another chandelier in the background. When I finished coloring the entire piece, I adjusted it to fit the color scheme I had first imagined. Finally, I added the glittering lights as a finishing touch.

comment

“There’s only one expression that Claude would have in an illustration on the dance floor at the ball!” I thought, and drew him winking. I thought it would be fun for it to seem like his dance was gradually pulling in the wallflowers, so I created that feeling. I left it up to imagination whose hand he is pulling (because everyone is wearing formal clothing that’s different from their casual outfits). I also studied all the art I had of him as closely as I possibly could to get his face just right. I wanted his personality to come out in the illustration, so I hope I got it right!

Senri Kita

An illustrator. She’s worked as a designer and pixel artist at several game development companies, and was the illustrator for FE: Path of Radiance (GameCube), as well as the pixel artist for Kirby: Squeak Squad (DS). Freelancer since 2006. For FE Cipher, she’s provided the art for many characters, including Ike (from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn) and Gatekeeper (from Three Houses), who’s always standing in his unique spot. She is an active creator of character art and other illustrations for the app game Fire Emblem Heroes.

[screamingatanemptyroom]

Restricted Magic Arc 3 pt 8

On October 13th, 2018 I wrote a short story based on a Fictober challenge. That ended up turning into a 3 arc fantasy adventure story of Erin and Gerald, and my first ever long running series on this blog. Before that I had pretty much only done short stories. Unfortunately about a third of the way through the last arc, I hit major writer’s block, and abandoned the story. 

Until now. 

2 years later, I’m posting a new part. I won’t promise steady or frequent updates to this, but I am going to definitely try to finish this story. It was one of my favorites, and I want everyone to be able to enjoy it to the end with me. 

Masterpost is linked here. 

Arc 3 pt 7 linked here in case you want a quick refresher on where I left off.

Enjoy!

_____________________

“We’re running out of time.”

Elsinore whispered to herself, crossing her arms across her chest as she shivered with cold. Her fingers dug into her arms, the skin breaking along the tips of her nails. Rivulets of blood ran down, soaking the sleeve of her prison uniform, the pain of the injury dulled by her inner panic. Pacing back and forth around her cell, she stepped in the fluid dripping off her clothes, tracking red footprints on the well-worn floor.

The illusion of Sophia sat on her bed, watching her with a bored expression. “Pretty sure we have nothing but time, living contained in a cell like this.”

“SHUT UP!” Elsinore glared at her sister’s image. “You heard her! Erin is going to MERION!” She threw up her hands. “Merion! Why would she do this to me? I swore never to return there!”

“Is that what happened?” Sophia tapped a finger to her cheek, “Why do I seem to remember that you were banished?” She grinned, jumping to her feet and walking towards her. Her ghostly image tracked over the pooled blood without disturbing it. “But sure, you can pretend it was your choice to not return. Definitely not your punishment for betraying the country… and selling me to the Devil.”

Elsinore clutched her head, trying to ignore the voice of her dead sister, knowing it was her own illusion magic, her own delusion. “Roderick is planning something… why else would he bring her there of all places? No! We have to kill him before its too late!”

“Is that what you told my daughter?”

“She’s betrayed me.” Elsinore paced faster, her eyes wildly looking around the room. “She’s lost focus. So many years. So many sacrifices. And now she’s forgotten everything and abandoned me?!”

“You mean she’s finally looked to a future beyond killing her father? Wanting to survive, get married, have a life that’s about more than just one horrible man?”

“IT’S ABOUT AVENGING HER MOTHER’S MURDER!” Elsinore screamed at the figment of her imagination. “AVENGING YOUR DEATH! THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS!”

“Elsinore…”

“SHUT UP!” She waved a blood stained hand, unsure if the dripping fluid was real or not, her gaze focusing inwards. “I haven’t lost sight of the goal. If she won’t kill him.”

“Sister…”

“Then I will. “

There was a moment of tense silence, broken finally by the screams of the guards outside.

“Fire!”

“The whole building’s burning!”

“Here, this way!”

The door to her cell opened, several armed men ran in, their eyes wide, staring at nothing. Elsinore smiled, spreading her hands widely.

“Why thank you, gentlemen. You’ve served your purpose beautifully.”

The men looked at each other with confused expressions, that slowly changed into ones of horror as their minds fell prey to her magic.

“The witch escaped! Don’t think you can run away!” Facing off, they drew their weapons, each striking the other accurately, and slumping to the ground. Even as they died, their faces were confused, unsure of what was real and what was not.

“Illusion is so close to reality, isn’t it.” Elsinore chuckled, stepping over their quickly cooling bodies and walking out the door. “You really shouldn’t be fooled by such simple lies.”

“You’re one to talk!” The image of her dead sister snorted with laughter, but she ignored her.

“Let’s go.”

She walked down the hallway, her pace casual, unhurried as if she were walking in her own home on her way to tea rather than a bloody hellhole.

Along the way she was attacked several times. They never got near her, striking uselessly in the air as they were caught in her magic again and again. One man brushed passed her, and slumped with shock as she restricted his magic. He had time to scream in fear before dying under the confused attacks from his fellow guards.

The building was burning around her, the heat singing her hair as she passed by.

Elsinore passed by the bodies, the carnage, the destruction of her captors, and she quietly began to laugh.

“Sister…” The illusion of Sophia tried to reach out, but Elsinore could no longer hear her as her laughter grew louder and louder.

She walked out of the door, turning briefly to enjoy the sight of the government building that had been her prison going up in flames.

The fire burned brightly against the quickly darkening sky, the smoke filling the area. Elsinore watched it with fascination, unsure if it were truly burning or not. The guards had fired multiple blasts of flames, it was possible that one of them had begun it accidentally, destroying her former prison. But it could still be her illusion magic, Elsinore simply wasn’t sure.

Not that it mattered either way.

Beyond the crackle of the flames there were no other sounds, everyone else beside Elsinore was dead. She leaned her head back, taking a deep breath to calm herself as her laughter died out.

“Roderick… I’m coming for you.”

Finally he would pay for his sins.

Only then would she truly be free.

_____________________

Olivia and Frederick sat in the front car of the magical transport, each enjoying the trip in their own way.

Olivia was looking out the glass window, watching the scenery as the large metal locomotive moved forward, skimming across the sand as if it were as slick as ice. Resting her chin on one palm, she was a picture of calm. However, every once and a while she would shoot an annoyed glance further into the metal car where a banging noise could be heard.

“Frederick I swear, if you break this transport and we have to walk to Merion, I will destroy you.”

CLANG!

An even louder noise filled the small space, as if to mock her threatening words, and a grease-stained Frederick poked his head up from a small compartment in the floor where he had been happily working.

“Really, you will destroy me?” he grinned. “You and what army?”

Olivia studied her nails, ignoring his sarcasm. “It’s strange…I seem to remember during our last sparring session one of us being defeated… badly.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Like, so badly it was humiliating.”

“Ugh, please don’t…”

“I wonder who that was again?” Her grin was vicious.

Frederick glared. “Fine. Point taken. But keep in mind, I’m not breaking anything!”

“Really? That banging noise I heard was you just passively observing?”

“No, but all I’m doing is trying to get a closer look at this mechanism.” His eyes brightened. “It’s incredible to see a magical artifact like this, something so huge but it moves so smoothly!”

With one hand gesturing further down into the space below the floor, he continued to excitedly explain. “A level 5 earth artifact like this is the stuff dreams are made of. It actually combines several different magics involving the connection between the vehicle and the ground as well as speed adjustment, terrain variability…”

“STOP!” Olivia gave up. “It’s so boring. Please don’t make me listen to another hour long lecture on the wonders of artifacts!”

“This isn’t just an artifact!” He argued back. “This is a work of art!”

“Still boring.”

“How about we compromise? You listen to me gush about how awesome this artifact is, and in return, I’ll let you talk as long as you want about a topic you want.”

“Fashion.”

He winced at her immediate answer. “Really?”

“It’s that or we talk about the many horrifying and disgusting ways the human body can break down and how to fix them with healing magic.”

“…” Frederick sat their silently with a pained expression.

“Well?”

“I’m thinking, I’m thinking!” He gave a long sigh. ”Fine. Fashion it is.”

Olivia rubbed her hands together. “This will be fun!”

“Okay, but first I get to talk about this artifact.”

“Deal.” She stuck out her hand, which Frederick grasped and shook briefly.

“So, the first thing I love about the mechanism of this particular artifact…”

“Hey you guys!” Christopher interrupted Frederick’s impassioned words as he walked into the car with a pleasant smile. “Enjoying the trip so far?”

Frederick and Olivia didn’t turn to face him. Frederick looked back down at the hatch with a frown, while Olivia pulled out a filing board and began touching up her nails. Neither bothered to respond.

“It looks like you were studying the engine?” Christopher noticed the open hatch in the floor, his cheerful expression fading a little. “That could be very dangerous, I really wouldn’t advise that.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Frederick snorted with laughter. “I know what I’m doing. If I want your opinion on something that you actually know something about, I’ll ask for it.” Rubbing his head with one hand, a trail of grease was left on his forehead.

Olivia pulled out a handkerchief, cleaning him off. “That’s bold of you, assuming he knows something about any topic.”

“Don’t be silly!” Frederick flinched at her scrubbing, but rolled his eyes and finished letting her clean off his face. “He knows a lot about a ton of different subjects!”

“Like what?”

“How about flirting with everything that moves like a dog in heat?”

She nodded solemnly. “You’re right! How could I have forgotten?”

“There’s also harp playing.”

“How about fiancé stealing?”

“Puppy murdering?”

“Hey!” Christopher broke into their back and forth with a frustrated groan. “I thought we had agreed to put that awful nickname behind us?”

Frederick nodded seriously. “You’re right. It was getting old. We need a new one anyways.”

“That’s not what I…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Never mind. I’m looking for Erin. Where is she?”

Olivia and Frederick glanced at each other, and then answered simultaneously.

“She died.”

“Who’s Erin?”

Christopher’s face was twitching, he seemed to force himself to hold a friendly expression.

“Guys, can you tone down the hostility? I’m her fiancé. It’s not like I’m trying to hurt her.”

“You think this is hostility?” Frederick laughed. “That’s cute.”

“I’m really a friendly guy once you get to know me.”

Olivia laughed. “Just keep telling yourself that, Kitten Killer.”

“Ooh I like the new nickname!” Frederick politely applauded.

“I thought the alliteration would give it a certain flair.”

“It certainly did.”

“WE’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC!” Christopher’s voice was raised. He paused, seemingly shocked at the crack in his normally impervious polite mask. Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he continued in a more reasonable tone. “Look. I’m just asking a simple question. Do you know where Erin is, or not?”

Olivia stood up, her face grim. “I’ve been wanting to say this for a while.” Her finger raised in the air, poking Christopher’s chest hard enough to force him to step back. “Erin is a better person then you or I will ever be. She’s my best friend in the whole world and I would crawl naked over broken glass before betraying her again. So no, I don’t know where she is, I will never know where she is.” She glared. “At least as far as you’re concerned.”

Christopher stared back at her, confused. “What do you mean again?”

“Olivia, you don’t have to tell him…” Frederick tried to interrupt, but Olivia quickly took over.

“No. He should understand this.” She turned back towards the golden haired young man with a frown. “I made a mistake. I let myself be used by Erin’s enemies. I used an artifact to steal other people’s powers and let her take the blame. I even kidnapped…”

“YOU USED WHAT?!” His earlier calm completely erased, Christopher reached out and grabbed Olivia’s shoulders, shaking her back and forth, silencing her. “You stole other’s powers, leeched their magic, and she FORGAVE you?” He snorted derisively, his face still red with rage. “Impossible. She must not have realized what you were doing! Otherwise she would have left you, there’s no way…”

BAM!

Frederick had moved, almost faster than the eye could follow, and pushed Christopher away from Olivia, slamming him back against the wall of the transport. His fist slammed against the wall, fire magic blazing around his fingers.

“Don’t. Touch. Her.” Frederick looked calm, but his eyes showed the anger just underneath the surface.

“What, no quippy jokes?” Christopher raised an eyebrow, seemingly unconcerned by the burning fist mere inches away from his face. “How unlike you.”

“Just keep going in this direction, and I’ll give you something to laugh about.”

The young man sighed, looking tired. “Fine, fine, I can take a hint. I’ll go away. You can stop threatening to set my hair on fire.”

Frederick stepped away slowly, the flames around his hand sputtering out, and Christopher turned and left through the door towards the next car without another word.

“…” Olivia stepped forward, a complex expression on her face. “Thanks for that.”

“No problem.” Frederick shrugged with a grin. “It’s not your fault you’re so weak that you get bullied by everyone else… but it’s more fun if I’m the one who gets to do it.”

“…”

“Olivia?”

BAM!

“OW!”

_____________________

“You okay?” Gerald reached over from his seat across hers and held Erin’s hand between his own. They had grabbed their own passenger car after Frederick loudly complained about their public display of affection blunting his cynicism and hatred for the world. Erin had rolled her eyes at the time, but was now appreciating the space. The car was quiet, with only the low rumble of the engine moving the transport to break the silence.

She shrugged, staring out the window as the land raced past.

“I’m not sure what’s ahead, but worrying about it won’t change anything. We have to face it.”

“Hey at least the worst is behind us.” At his words, she turned to look at him incredulously.

“What do you mean?”

“EXAMS ARE OVER!” He pumped his fist in the air, a goofy smile on his face. “I’m so happy we survived.”

Erin sighed. “Even ignoring the fact that you somehow have placed exams as the worst thing after we have faced murderers, assassins and entire ARMIES together… you do realize we still have to take final exams at the end of the year before we can graduate?”

“…” Gerald stared at her, looking shocked.

“You forgot, didn’t you?”

His only answer was a sad groan. Chuckling, Erin patted his cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you prepare.”

“Well at least there’s that.”

They sat in companionable silence for a few moments, both watching the scenery from the window.

“Gerald, I’m worried.” She leaned her head on his shoulder, taking comfort in his warmth.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m starting to lose control.” She rubbed her forehead. “It used to be easy to keep things hidden, keep things restricted, but now… It’s like something is unbalanced inside me. How many times have I destroyed whole buildings since we’ve returned?”

“I mean, I’m just saying, if your father and that brat of a fake fiancé would leave you alone you could stop rearranging the school architecture, …”

“Maybe it’s from using Aunt Elsinore’s magic for so long… maybe it’s something else. I don’t know…”

“Well maybe we can ask her… have you heard anything from Aunt Elsinore?” Gerald asked her quietly.

Erin shook her head. “No, not since our last conversation, even though I’ve tried several times to contact her.” Her hands curled into fists. “Do you think…”

“Think what?”

“Think my father got to her?” She closed her eyes. “She’s never been out of reach before… and now I worry…”

“Erin…”

“That she’ll end up just like my mother.”

“ERIN!” At Gerald’s shout her eyes sprang open. The window next to them was cracked, the seat around her torn to shreds. It looked as if a storm had raged in the tiny passenger cabin. Erin stared around her, feeling shocked.

“You see?” She reached out, gently touching the cracked glass. “Ever since we fought that army, even the artifact isn’t doing much anymore.”

Gerald sighed. “Your magic flows a lot more easily now then it ever did. With my level 5 Insight you glow like a sun. The amulet holds back less and less each day.”

“It was always supposed to be a temporary solution. But I need it to shield things for a little bit longer. A foreign country is not exactly the best place to confront my father.”

She sighed, placing her head in her hands. “I think he suspects my true powers already.”

“Well, I’ll contact my parents, ask my people to look into what’s happened to Aunt Elsinore.”

Erin smiled at his attempt to comfort her. “Really? It would make me feel a lot better to know she’s safe.”

“Of course! I’ll call them as soon as we arrive.” His head snapped up as he finished talking, seeming to sense something, as he turned towards the door of the cabin with a furious expression. 

“No need.”

The words were spoken quietly, barely audible within the passenger car, but the effect on Erin and Gerald was instantaneous.

She leapt to her feet, her face pale and angry, every muscle in her body tense and ready for a fight. Gerald also stood, putting his body partway between Erin and the new arrival, his posture clearly communicating an intent to protect as hers was to attack.

General Roderick smiled, the expression causing cold chills to run down Erin’s spine. “Sit down. We’re not going to fight here.”

Reluctantly, Gerald and Erin sat back, down, this time on the same side. Slowly, her father walked closer, sitting across from them, casually looking around, ignoring the increasingly tense atmosphere.

“What did you mean by ‘no need’?” Erin’s mind was racing as she thought back through their conversation. What had he overheard? How long had he been standing there?

Gerald squeezed her hand reassuringly beside her, and Erin calmed down slightly, with his insight there was no way her father could sneak up on them easily.

“Your inquiries after your aunt.” Roderick’s smile widened. “I’m afraid she’s no longer to be found in her government residence.”

“You mean her prison.”

He ignored her interruption, continuing. “She burnt the whole place down, killing all of my men.”

“…” Gerald and Erin stared at each other in shock.

“I assume you will see her soon enough, so need to waste the time looking for her.”

“What do you…?”

“She’ll be on her way to kill me.” Even as he discussed her aunt’s murderous intentions, he seemed… bored. “I expect her sometime in the next few weeks.”

Erin stood up again, struggling to hold in her magic as anger took hold. “You could be lying. She might be still imprisoned, injured, or…or dead…”

“Oh, Éirinne.” He threw back his head, laughing. The sound filled the room, filling her with unease. His eyes met her own and she nearly stepped back at the sense of danger. “I have no reason to lie. She means nothing to me. Her hatred, her desire for vengeance, mean even less to me than yours.”

At these words he turned to leave the room, almost running into Christopher.

“FINALLY! Erin, I’ve been looking for y…” The golden-eyed young man trailed off as he stopped in front Roderick. His face paling, he sketched an elaborate bow. “Pardon me, General.”

Her father frowned, stepping back away from him as if wary of being too close. “Be more careful in the future.”

With that, he was gone, and Erin could breathe once again.

“Well, at least you’re good for something!” Gerald grinned, although the expression was strained. “Driving away nuisances like General Roderick.”

Christopher shook his head, looking offended. “I didn’t drive him away! He was already leaving.” Hesitating, he took a step towards Erin, who stared impassively back at him.

“Erin, can we talk alo…”

“No.” Her answer was short, she turned away from him to face the window. Undeterred, Christopher stepped forward again.”

“I just need to…”

“I cannot tell you how very little I care for what you want or need to do.” Her gaze met his, and Erin didn’t bother to hide her rage. “Leave me alone, and you can still leave in one piece.”

“…” A silence came over the room. Gerald stood at Erin’s side, arms crossed. He didn’t comment but his posture made it clear he supported Erin’s words.  Finally, Christopher sighed.

“FINE.” He threw up his hands. “Just bury your head in the sand, try to pretend the world isn’t ending. I’m trying to save it, but you are so wrapped up in hating me, that you can’t see it!” His face for once did not hold his pleasant, masklike smile but a snarl of frustration. “You know what? Forget it! I’m tired of all of this. You can come crawling back to me when you regret it, and hopefully it won’t be too late. ”

He turned to walk out, but paused to say one last thing.

“How could you be so different from your mother?!”

And with that he was gone.

Erin felt her head spin, and unsteady, sat down, clutching the edge of the window for support. The seat cushion underneath her began tearing, the wood groaning under the strain as her poorly controlled magic bent it away from her. The spider web cracks deepened on the window, the frame warping around it.

“Erin, are you okay?!”

After a long, uncomfortable pause, Erin looked up at Gerald, trying to take deep breaths, to control her emotions, her magic.

“How does Christopher know my mother?”

[flydotnet]

I have way too many pieces I forget to post online... It’s also the first year since 2017 where I’ve been able to piece together one of those with (mostly) finished pieces, so that’s kinda cool. (A shame, that October sketch looks so cool lmfao).  I tried to diversify the characters shown but still ended up repeating two of them. Woops.

List of pieces used (without links because Tumblr is Tumblr); full pieces under the cut (only exception is October, since it’s still a .csp file):

January: concept art for adult Tachimukai for my Inazuma personal canon/TC Extended Universe, since they use the same headcanons anyway. Character featured: Yuuki Tachimukai (Inazuma Eleven)

February: HaruTachi Matryoshka. Character featured: Haruna Otonashi (Inazuma Eleven).

March: a chibi college-age Tachi I drew for a plush commission that I ended up not sending to the plush maker. (I didn’t have actual finished art for March, oof). Same character as January.

April: the Haruna part of my HaruTachi fill for the interview ship meme that was popular on Twitter back in November 2020. Same character as February.

May: “White Queen”, the first piece I made with my current tablet and based on both a metaphor I wrote into “Regalia” and a drawing I had made inspired by it. Character featured: Anna Mikado (Inazuma Eleven).

June: The IoTsumu part of the food-inspired piece I made for the three main TCEU ships, based on vanilla and cinnamon. Character featured: Tsumugi Takanashi (IDOLiSH7).

July: “Kyriaki”, a piece meant to be the first of six. I actually never finished it since I forgot to give Derek his hair texture. Oops! Character featured: Derek Stiles (Trauma Center).

August, September and November: Art made for a tarot-themed collection of playlists I’ve got on Spotify. They make up most of the art I made last fall, so they feature here a lot. Characters featured: Jeanne Mouchon (OC), Serena (Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V), Angela (OC).

October: A ChereBeru drawing to be my October piece, themed around pumpkin spice. I ended up not finishing it in time, but I may finish it in 2022. That sketch looks too good to be wasted. Character featured: Bianca (Pokémon).

December: A panel from a three-page redraw of a chapter of the original Captain Tsubasa manga because I caught serious brainrot for one (1) tertiary ship while watching the newest series. Character featured: Hikaru Matsuyama (Captain Tsubasa; 2018 anime design).

2021 was the most productive art-wise year I’ve had since.. 2015, I’d say? 2016 at the latest. That felt good and is in no little part thanks to me finally caving in and buying myself a new tablet after using the same hunk of,plastic for 4 years (it was a present from my parents for surviving my 1st year of college, so I still have mad respect for it). I hope 2022 can be as good, even if job life is about to bite my ass and yeet me to oblivion, lmao

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August & September

October: N/A

November

December

[wowitsel]

the hardest things to say: ch.1

Summary: Spencer has a crush on his barista. After weeks of conversing, he finally tells her how he feels: “I think I like you”

Series Masterlist

Word count: 1.7k

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

As a somewhat coffee fanatic, Spencer Reid frequented the coffee shop near the FBI headquarters very often. For the great coffee, but mostly for the barista that worked there. Y/n, Y/n whose last name was still undetermined. For someone whom he knew so little about, he was infatuated. It seemed to happen very quickly, but that was not out of the norm for our Dr. Reid.

When Spencer fell for someone he tended to do so very quickly, so every time Y/n did something sweet, his heart swelled. Every time she drew smiley faces next to his name on his cup or paid for someone’s drink when they didn’t have enough cash, he fell even harder.

For never exchanging any words besides ordering, Spencer had it pretty bad.

Little did he know, Y/n felt the same way about the cute boy in the shop that always had a book with him. She felt intrigued. He seemed to read ridiculously fast, always finishing a whole book whenever he came, and seemingly disappeared for weeks at a time. Plus he was always super polite to her and gave great tips. Her eyes were always on him when he was in the shop, so it also didn’t hurt that he was extremely attractive.

One fateful October evening, it was extremely busy in the shop. Why all those people were getting coffee and five o'clock in the evening, Y/n didn’t know.  But nevertheless, she didn’t mind the business. That was what she was getting paid for.

One of the many people in the shop today was Spencer, as she came to learn was his name.

Spencer stepped up to the counter to order. “Welcome to The Coffee Nest! Hey Spencer! Just want your regular?”

Spencer blushed at the fact that she knew what his order was, and nodded. “OK! Your total will be $3.97,”

The man stumbled with his wallet and pulled out three dollars with the correct amount of change for the order. He handed her the dollar bills, while she stuck her hand out like a little bowl, for the coins. His fingers brushed her skin as he handed her the coins. They both paused for a second, then Y/n quickly just put all the money in the register, continuing to do her job.

Because of the busyness of the shop, and the lack of enough employees, the shop was a mess. There were workers and drinks everywhere.

Y/n finished making Spencer’s drink, then headed over to the register to take another order, before giving him his drink.

After finishing taking the order, Y/n hurried over to the contour where Spencer’s drink resided. “Order for Spencer!”

When Spencer arrived to get his drink, she smiled at him and handed him his drink, before hurrying off, not even realizing that she had handed him the wrong drink.

When Y/n had handed Spencer “his” drink, he knew immediately that it was the wrong one. But seeing who busy the shop was, and how stressed Y/n was because of it, he decided to wait until it all calmed down a bit before asking for his current drink order.

So he sat at the table, reading his book, and watching the girl work. About fifteen minutes later, when Spencer deemed it the right time, he got up and walked over to Y/n.

After requesting his correct drink, Spencer stood there awkwardly, just drumming his fingers on the countertop.

He could faintly hear the sound of Y/n humming while she made his drink, then her footsteps as she began walking towards him again. “I’m really sorry about giving you the wrong drink”

“It’s no problem, really,” Spencer told Y/n while fidgeting with the book in his hands, drawing her attention to it.

“Oh! Is that Great Expectations? You know, I love the part where you find out that Estella is groomed to break men’s hearts. It's so good. Wait, you have read it before right? Ooh, I hope I didn’t spoil it for you...”

“Oh I've read it before, don’t worry about that. But uhh yeah. I really liked that part too. Do you like reading?”

“Yeah, I do! Uhh, so my shift ends in a couple of minutes. If you want to stay here for a bit we can sit down and talk together?”

“T-that’d be great!”

A smile appeared on Spencer’s face as he walked over to the table he was previously sat at. He watched her as she wiped down the counter, and went to take another order, as he gripped his sleeves in anticipation.

Spencer’s mind overflowed with thoughts. At the moment he sort of wished he didn’t have his brain. He was overthinking everything. This was going to be the first time he was going to have a conversation with her. With Y/n, and he was very, very nervous.

What if he said something offensive, or something weird? What if he rambled too much, or stared at her too much? The possibilities were limitless, and that suffocated Spencer.

But Spencer wasn’t going to have any more time to overthink, because Y/n was walking over to him.

Even with as nervous as Spencer was, once Y/n sat down at the table, it seemed as if all the tension that was in the air was suddenly gone.

The two of them kept up a casual conversation about books and coffee until Y/n got a text. “Oh shit. Uhhh I have to go… I totally forgot I have to go. Ummm if you want to, you can come back here tomorrow at this time, and after my shift, we can talk more?”

Y/n waited until she saw him nod in agreement, then bolted out the door, clearly in a big hurry.

Even with the abrupt ending, Spencer sat in awe of what happened. Spencer always felt that conversations were hard for him. Most of the time, the person would just be uninterested in his facts, or just nod along, and not add anything else into the conversation. But with Y/n it felt good, and it felt natural. He had never felt that way before. Feeling so comfortable talking with someone.

Spencer could tell that Y/n was actually interested in hearing everything he had to say, and it really was an amazing change of pace. It made his heart light up every time she added something to what he had said.

Even if Spencer had said something she didn't necessarily understand, she never hesitated to relate what he said to something she knew or something that had happened to her. That had never happened to Spencer before.

Although that text from a friend Y/n received may have seemed fishy from the outside, she truly did forget her plans with said friend. But that didn’t stop Y/n from feeling any less guilty about leaving.

That’s why when Spencer came back to the coffee shop the next day, his coffee order was there, already made, with a chocolate chip muffin next to it.

“It’s on the house!” Spencer heard Y/n call out to him. “I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly yesterday.”

“It’s ok. You don’t have to apologize.” Spencer said softly.

“Anyways, let's sit down huh?”

“Wait aren’t you still on shift? It’s not 5:30 yet.”

Pulling a chair out and sitting on it, Y/n replied. “Ehh it’s fine. Just don’t tell anyone”

With that sentence, Y/n winked at the boy. His face lit up like a Christmas tree. Trying to use his hands to cover his blushing face, Spencer tried to immerse himself into what Y/n was saying.

As their conversation ended, the next day would be the only motivation for Spencer. As days and days passed, Spencer only began to fall further for the girl. Through all their conversations, they got to know each other. She told him about how she was in school, and about her family, and Spencer told her about his job at the BAU, his mom, and all the traumatic things that had happened to him. To Spencer, it felt really good to tell those things to.

About a month after Spencer and Y/n’s first conversation, Spencer sat in the bullpen while the rest of the team was blabbering about what they were going to do over the weekend.

“What about you Reid? You got a hot date this weekend?” Morgan inquired.

“I actually don’t,” Spencer sassed, as the rest of the team laughed at his response.

As the team continued to talk, Spencer thought about the person he actually wanted to go on a date with. Y/n.

He thought about all their talks, and about why they weren't dating yet.

His mind drifted to Elle, and he remembered something she told him. He remembered how she made him realize that the real reason he wasn’t dating, was because he wasn’t asking anyone out.

Spencer knew what he had to do. He had to ask Y/n out. On a date…

As Spencer entered the coffee shop that evening, he was on a mission. So when Y/n plopped down in the seat next to him, he blurted out, “I think I might like you. Like, like like you.”

“Oh wow. Uhhh…” Y/n said clearly in shock until she heard Spencer’s phone go off.

“Hey, Hotch. Ok. Uh-huh. Yeah. Right now? Ok. Bye, I’ll see you soon.” Y/n heard as Spencer was on the phone.

“You have to go?”

“Yeah. unfortunately.” Spencer replied, momentarily forgetting about the huge bomb he had just thrown on the girl in front of him.

As Spencer began to pack up, and walk away, Spencer heard Y/n call out to him saying, “Hey Spencer! I like you too!”

All Spencer did was smile back at the girl, but inside, he was jumping up and down. She liked him back. He quite frankly, couldn’t believe it.

Most of Spencer’s life was spent with unrequited love. He had become so acquainted with it, that it’s almost like he forgot that it was possible for someone to actually like him back.

So, now that it was actually happening, he wasn’t quite sure what to do. But he was kind of excited to figure it out.

A little while later, once he was on the jet on the way to another case, Hotch commented to him, “You seem awfully happy.”

“I really am Hotch,” Spencer replied with a soft giggle.

taglist: @calm-and-doctor​

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[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight: Coffeegleek Day 1

Author : @coffeegleek​ 

How did you get into Glee and Glee fandom?

I saw the premier when it aired during the summer and was hooked. Having been burned by a fandom shortly before that, I tried to resist joining Glee fandom. Then about halfway through Glee airing routinely, I could resist no longer. I needed more. I needed the interaction with other fans that weren't immediate family. (Hub and son love the show, but were watchers and not into fandom.)

In general, what drew you into writing (and/or creating)?

I'd written for other fandoms before as well as a lot of original poetry and science fiction. One day I finally caved and co-wrote two crack Klaine fics. About a year or two later, I wrote more crack fics that got no traction on tumblr so I stopped writing for a long time. (I was and still am a small fish in a large fandom pond, though that pond has shrunk now that the show is long over.) Then a couple of years ago, my son left for university and I couldn't shake this one small fic idea I had about Burt and Carole as empty nesters. I had to get it out and it exploded into this huge verse. In-between those fics I wrote more crack fics.

What was it about Glee that made you decide to write fanfic for it?

Part of it was Kurt and Blaine being wonderful characters. Part of it was the joy of challenging myself as a writer be it serious stuff or Klaine advent challenges which are fun. Yet another part was to write fics I wanted to read or tropes I wanted to explore more.

Have you been a part of other fandoms before? Have you written fanfiction pre-glee?

Oh, yes! Many fandoms and many fics on many accounts I've long lost user names and passwords to. Out there on FFN is a Buffy/Farscape crossover and a couple of Pretender fanfics. Those are just three of the many fandoms I've been in. I met my spouse through Star Trek fandom and was involved in (and left) the very toxic Fox fandom board for the Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles fandom. (My fandom before Glee.)

Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

AU is my crack and I love political Klaine be it Kurt and/or Blaine in politics or as President. I love the ones where Burt is president. Despite being a huge West Wing fan who's rewatched the series multiple times, I don't think I could do a Glee characters in that verse justice. I really wish I could though. Before the pandemic hit, a friend and I were going to do a Blast from the Past movie challenge where folks would write their favorite 1980's and 90's movies with Glee characters. I was all set to write Running on Empty and still have my notes for it.

Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

A few. Certain kinks and especially those that involve fluids, marking, and mpreg. 

Another nope - Large age differences in a consenting relationship. To clarify with a personal experience of why it’s a huge no: There was a guy in my family’s social group who was in his late 60’s/early 70’s who would brag to hub and I (for some reason) about his conquestions with barely legal guys. The things he would say about even younger guys were creepy AF. My out gay son was nearing his preferred age and we (and son) kept Creepy Guy far away from him. No one believed us when we tried to tell them about him. So any kind of huge age gap is a big nope for me unless it’s written as a “this is wrong and not appropriate” because I can’t help but think of the guy everyone else had labeled as But He’s Such a Nice Guy. I’m not criticizing the authors or readers of consensual, everything is happy, large age gap fics. They’re just not for me and I accept my bias. 

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

I want to finish writing/expanding a fic for my Empty Nest verse that takes place between A Nest of Scars and Empty Nest. I also have a few one shots between Kurt and Carole and Kurt and Burt that I keep writing in my head while cooking, but never getting them onto a google doc. I want to finish last year's Klaine Advent challenge fic entitled, A Very Weird Christmas Adventure. I was so close to being done and had it all figured out too. I'd also like to write the Running on Empty crossover fic. I love that movie so much. I'd love to tackle a Handmaid's Tale crossover, but haven't worked out enough of the logistics for it.

***

Check out Coffeegleek’s Fics

Empty Nest - Revised - Empty Nest started off as just this little thing I was going to write. The idea had been kicking around in my head for a year. There's a stray cat that's taken shelter under our front porch for years & runs whenever he sees us. When my son went off to university, I started thinking about what if the cat was really homeless, hybrid Kurt? And in October of 2017, I finally started to write what was going to be a ficlette & nothing more. It's now late January 2018 & the verse has grown to two fics, a series of Klaine Advent one shots, 98,442 words, & is still going.

When I reached chapter 12 of Rebuilding the Nest, I felt the time had finally come for me to revise the verse, especially Empty Nest, correct any errors I'd missed before, & clean up the time line inconsistencies. When I first started writing, I had no clear cut idea of how hybrids had come about or what they were like. I was just going with the usual trope flow. As chapters went on, I fell more & more back on my science fiction writing roots & established them as a single evolved race. That was my biggest change to Empty Nest & reason for the revision.

I hope you enjoy it.

Rebuilding the Nest -  Sequel to Empty Nest and takes place immediately after. Kurt is a runaway, homeless feline hybrid. Burt and Carole are empty nesters who see him sleeping under their porch. During the months that follow, Kurt slowly learns to trust them. Unlocking the door to the Hummel's enclosed back porch was a huge step. There were so many more left to go.

Burt's Nest -  This is a retelling of Empty Nest and Rebuilding the Nest from Burt’s POV. While it does stand alone, in order to fully understand Kurt’s actions and experiences, the original fics should be read first. In short: Burt discovers a homeless hybrid teenager sleeping under his front porch and takes him in. This fic let me get out all my parenting and love of Burt and Carole feels. If you notice a blatant take on the racism and homophobia pervading the U.S. in this dystopian verse, then I’ve done my job expressing part of the bag of emotions I feel as the parent of gay, POC, young adult son. The same trigger warnings for the previous fics apply here as well, though not all chapters have them. Please see the tags.

[kaileeandag]

American Girl: Where Are They Now?

I wonder “What did the historical characters do when they grew up?” So,here’s what I think.

Kaya: becomes a famous warrior after inheriting the name Swan Circling. Contracts Yellow Fever in 1804 and passes away soon after, at the age of 50.

Felicity Merriman: becomes owner of her father’s shop when she was 20. Marries Benjamin Davidson at the age of 18, once the war is over. Passes away peacefully in her sleep in 1854, at the age of 89. Via adoption, her descendant is comedian Tommy Davidson.

Elizabeth Cole: becomes a schoolteacher. Is arrested in 1795 and executed for treason in 1796 at the age of 31.

Caroline Abbott: at the age of 25, becomes a ship captain. Passes away in childbirth five years later, leaving her daughter to be raised by her father.

Josefina Montoya: opens her own imports store in 1855 with the help of her nephews. Never has children and never marries, passing away in her sleep in 1900 at the age of 85.

Kirsten Larson: thanks to her teacher Miss Winston, chooses to become a teacher. Later becomes an advocate for better travel conditions for immigrants in honor of her friend Marta. Passes away at the age of 99 in 1943 surrounded by her family.

Cecile Rey: becomes a nurse along with Marie Grace. Passes away in 1930 at the age of 75 due to complications from Pneumonia.

Marie Grace Gardener: works as a nurse along with Cecile. Contracts Yellow Fever in 1872, but survives. Passes away in 1935 at the age of 90 due to Alzheimer’s Disease.

Addy Walker: becomes a schoolteacher. She never has children, but sees her nieces and nephews, as well as her students, as her children. Writes a book called Running In The Night, publishing it in 1917. Passes away in her sleep at the age of 93 in 1948.

Samantha Parkington: thanks to her aunt Cornelia’s influence, she becomes a suffragist. Votes for the first time in the 1924 Presidential election. Also becomes an advocate for open adoption sometime in the 1960s. Marries her rival Eddie Ryland in 1918, with whom she has two daughters, Deborah in 1931 and Sarah in 1941. Passes away at the age of 88 in 1983. 

Nellie O’Malley: speaks out against child labor and advocates for safer work conditions after her adoptive parents Cornelia and Gardner approve of the idea. Is the only one of her siblings to make it to old age, after Jenny passes away in 1930 due to Breast Cancer and Bridget is killed in a car accident in 1920, although her niece survives the accident, and William passes away in 1945 after a sudden heart attack. Appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart in 2000 to discuss her cousin/adoptive sister Samantha’s legacy. Passes away at the age of 105 on September 11, 2001, hours prior to the attacks on the World Trade Center. Nellie’s son Joshua passed away in 1977 at the age of 50 due to Lung Cancer, while her daughter Jennifer (born in 1930) is still living at the age of 90.

Rebecca Rubin: becomes a famous actress, making her speaking debut in the 1933 adaptation of King Kong. Her final on-screen appearance is in the 1997 Kirsten Dunst and Britney Murphy film The Devil’s Arithmetic, playing a Holocaust survivor. Marries classmate Otto Geller and has one child with him, son David in 1931. David becomes an actor himself in the early 1960s, his career spanning 55 years prior to his passing in 2015. Passes away in October 2002 at the age of 97. Considered one of the most prominent Jewish-American actresses of all time.

Kit Kittredge: becomes a reporter in the late 1940s, with her first major article being about Joseph McCarthy’s attempt to purge Communism from the country. She criticizes McCarthy in the article, feeling he is fear mongering. Marries Will Shepherd in 1945 when he returns from combat after the end of World War II. After struggling to have children for close to fourteen years, they adopt twin children Justin and Augusta in 1961. Will and Kit become grandparents when their daughter gives birth to a daughter named Amelia in 1990 and when Justin’s son Skylar and daughter Olivia are born in 1992. Retires from journalism in 2010, but comes out of retirement temporarily following the Ferguson Missouri protests in 2014. Passes away at the age of 94 in 2017.

Will Shepherd: manages to make enough money so that he can bring his family to Cincinnati. Is drafted into the Army following the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. He promises to marry a now adult Kit if he returns home safely, a promise he ends up keeping. Upon his return, he attends college, graduating with his degree in History in 1950. Works as a high school History teacher until his retirement in the early 1990s. When he becomes a grandfather, he dotes on his grandchildren, always taking them to the movies when he is able to do so. Passes away on January 4th, 2019, at the age of 103.

Ruthie Smithens: becomes a nurse, being sent overseas to help injured Allied soldiers during the last year of World War II. Marries Stirling Howard prior to him being shipped off to war, having his daughter Heather in 1943 when he is away. Is diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 1978, but survives. Eventually, she passes away in 1995 at the age of 72 due to a lung fungus called Aspergillosis.

Nanea Mitchell: becomes an advocate for the rights of Japanese-Americans following the end of World War II. Marries her friend Lily Suda’s older brother Gene in 1952 and has twin children Thomas and Sarah with him in 1965. Later becomes a Hawaii state senator in 1980, despite her opponent’s efforts to discredit her because of a meeting she had with former Emperor Showa (Hirohito) to discuss peace between America and Japan. Becomes very popular in Japan due to her advocacy for the rights of Japanese-Americans, becoming an honorary citizen of Tokyo in the late 1980s. Meets with double atomic bomb survivor Tsutomu Yamaguchi in 2006. Passes away three days after her 88th birthday, on April 14th, 2020, due to natural causes.

Molly McIntire: becomes a lawyer in 1950. Becomes known in the Chicago area after being asked to defend John Wayne Gacy during his trial. Is shot into the national spotlight after Ron Goldman’s family hires her to work for them during the OJ Simpson trial. Marries Howie Munson in 1950, their marriage lasting for 16 years prior to their divorce in 1966. Molly and Howie move to England in 1963 and after the divorce, Howie moves back to the States, leaving Molly to raise their 2 year old son Austin. Becomes a grandmother when Austin’s wife gives birth to a daughter named Taylor in 1992 and son Richard in 1993. Molly moves back to Illinois in 1976 with a now 11 year old Austin, settling in Chicago. Becomes a United States Senator in 1996 and votes for senator Barack Obama in the 2008 and the 2012 presidential elections.

Emily Bennett: upon her finishing secondary school, attended college in order to become a teacher. Gives birth to a son named Albion on July 4th, 1964, the same day that Molly gives birth to her son Austin. Emily raises Albion as a single mother due to the father abandoning her shortly after her son’s birth. Moves to Chicago in 1983, reuniting with Molly after she moved back to the States. Publishes a series of children’s books about her friendship with Molly starting in 1988. Her grandson Alastair is born on September 14th, 1992. She publishes an autobiography in 2017, appearing on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah to promote it. Alastair drew the cover of the book, which depicts Molly and Emily as children sitting under an oak tree.

Maryellen Larkin: marries classmate Davy Fenstermacher in 1963 following her high school graduation. Her motive is believed to be that she doesn’t want Davy to fight in Vietnam, so she chose to marry him so he wouldn’t be drafted. Their son Thomas is born in 1965 and when Thomas is in 5th grade, Maryellen goes to college in order to get her degree. She becomes a special education teacher, working for 31 years prior to her retirement in 2011. Her choice to allow her students to take part in mainstream classes such as choir confuses her co-workers. However, this becomes the norm following the passing of the Americans With Disabilities Act in 1990. Her granddaughter Vanessa is born in July 1992 and due to her being her only grandchild, she spoils her rotten.

Melody Ellison: attends medical school, earning her medical license in 1983 at the age of 29. Gives birth to her only child Donna Summer Ellison on January 15th, 1992, on what would have been Martin Luther King Jr.’s 63rd birthday. Her daughter was conceived via In-Vitro Fertilization. Adores her only child and her various nieces and nephews. Is going to retire as a doctor in 2022, at the age of 68.

Julie Albright: wants to become a basketball player, but she is unable to due to the WNBA not existing until 1996. Becomes a professional wrestler in 1987 at the age of 21. She marries classmate T.J. Jefferson in 1989, during the few months she had off. Retires temporarily in April 1992 following the birth of her twin children Rachel Tracy Joyce and Damien Thomas Daniel. Her daughter’s middle names come from her aunt Tracy and maternal grandmother Joyce Albright, while Damian’s middle names come from his father and maternal grandfather Daniel Albright. Returns to pro wrestling in 1995, working with World Championship Wrestling (WCW) until its closure in 2001, retiring permanently soon after. When she was away wrestling, her children would stay with her sister Tracy, Tracy’s husband Mike Stenger, and Julie’s nephew Jonah (born 1988) and niece Aubrey (born 1992.) Becomes an advocate for the rights of LGBT individuals after her son Damian comes out as gay in his Junior year of high school and her nephew Jonah comes out in 2006, during his Senior year of high school.

Ivy Ling: works as a special education teacher until 2003, when she becomes a stand up comedian. She says that her primary influence for pursuing a career in stand up was Margaret Cho. Her daughter Julie was born in November 1991 and was named after her best friend Julie. Her daughter even inherited the nickname ‘Alley Oop’ from her honorary aunt.

Let me know what you guys think! This is just what I think happened.

[paradiselostbythedashboardlight]

Quarantine, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Wrote 430,943 Words of Prose in a Year

As we are coming up terrifyingly fast on a full year of quarantine with no end to the pandemic yet in sight for most people, I’ve been taking some time to reflect on the last year of my existence in a state that most people now refer to as quarantine. Since March of 2020, I, like most other sane people in my country, have stopped traveling, going to stores, seeing all but a limited group of other humans, and begun having recurring nightmares about being in crowds without a piece of cloth over my nose and mouth.

Suffice to say, it has been a bit stressful.

The other thing that I have done since COVID-19 began rapidly spreading across the globe last year is write over 430,943 words of fiction. 

The number seems insane to me still. That is (approximately) one Gone With The Wind, one entire Lord of the Rings series, or the first four Harry Potter books. That is still sadly not yet War and Peace (but who knows… the pandemic isn’t over yet).

So now that I am looking back, I find myself with one question: how did this happen? Why did I do this? What does this mean about my life this year?

Since apparently I answer best by writing a lot, let’s begin at the beginning. Let me tell you a story. I’ll keep it short, I swear.

Part 1: Blast From the Past

In March of 2020, I was still in the midst of an academic semester. There was a long academic document to write and a class to teach. However, as quarantine abruptly robbed me of most of my usual commitments, I was suddenly thrust into the position of having more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. Consequently, I decided to break out the Nintendo Switch I’d gotten for Christmas and revive a childhood interest in video games.

And boy did I. I played the games I owned for all they were worth. I played them during the evenings when I had no social engagements to attend. I played them during the Zoom meetings I was already struggling to pay attention to. By the end of March, I had finished one game, and it had set the wheels turning in my brain.

Here’s a fact about me: I don’t usually tend to write or read a lot of fanfiction about things that I consider really really good. Basically, fanfiction for me has always been an impulse born from incompletion or imperfection. I see no need to add to a perfect story (although I happily consume and create fanart). But for something enjoyable and yet slightly unsatisfying? That’s fanfic territory, bud.

So by April, I had developed a sort of epic fanfiction for this video game I was playing. It was one of those magnum opus kind of ideas, a grand retelling of the story with a huge sprawling plot and Themes (™). 

At first, it was merely a thought experiment that lived only in my head, a sort of entertainment to ponder in the hours before falling asleep. What changed? Well, a friend of mine decided to also write a fanfiction on the same video game and she kindly consented to let me read it.

Suddenly, I was ravenously hungry to read and to write and to share and to consume. I wrote a hundred thousand words of this fanfic in April and into early May, sending each chapter to my friend and being spurred onward by her kind comments. 

The fic became a gargantuan endeavor full of strange little challenges I set for myself. It was a canon-divergence, requiring plotting, worldbuilding, a darker and grimer tone. For some reason, I decided to write each chapter from a different character’s perspective, making the final product into a series of essentially short story character studies which together formed a plot.

By the end of May, the story was published for the world to see. It was well-received, although not particularly popular by fandom standards. And that was the end. I had gotten out my pandemic crazies, the semester was over and now I could move on. I had made my peace with the source material, plumbing all of the little details that I wanted to examine and creating a narrative that I found satisfying.

It was over.

Part 2: Summer Lovin?

Except that it wasn’t.

Confession: as I had been posting my giant fanfiction, I had also begun to explore the fan community itself, mostly curious to see some nice art and gather a bit of demographic info about what was popular within the community. As a result, I found a fanfic recommendations page. Among the recommendations was one author who kept popping up and i finally decided to give the fic a read.

Woah. It was good. Like, really good. Like, professional quality writing and themes that seemed designed to appeal to me. I devoured everything that the creator had posted in a week and then subscribed to eagerly wait for more.

As June rolled around, I realized that I had a problem on my hands. My great big gen masterpiece was finished, but this author had gotten me hooked on something else, something with a nefarious reputation online: shipping.

The term du jour for this seems to be “brain worms” so let’s just say that reading other fanworks had given me some brain worms. Inspired this time not just by the source material of the game, but now the fan community itself, my mind began to develop another idea.

I wrote the fic, about 11k, in a single afternoon of frantic writing. When I finished it, I knew it was one of my strongest pieces. It had just come together, a combination of all the thought that I’d been brewing up and a stylistic execution that just worked with the story I wanted to tell.

I posted it on a new account. Shipping seemed vaguely shameful to me still and my mom reads the other account.

To my surprise, the fic blew up. It got so much more attention than my long fic ever had. Even more significantly, a fan artist actually drew a gorgeous comic of the pivotal scene, completely out of the blue! I was essentially thunderstruck. Honestly, it was probably the first time in my life that I’d ever received so much positive reinforcement from a piece of writing.

While I’d written short stories for undergrad workshops, they’d never been particularly good and I’d never gotten particularly great feedback on them. I’d applied and been rejected by more MFAs and literary magazines than I could count. I’d pretty much resigned myself to writing for an audience of me and me alone (which I don’t mean to sound tragic about, writing for you is great and fun!)

But receiving so much support and praise and feeling like I’d made other people happy or sad or moved? There’s nothing better.

This makes my decision to write another fic for the ship sound vaguely cynical, the action of a person driven by an addiction to praise. I mean, no lie, aren’t we all a little addicted to approval?

But my next fic was another long one, an 80k passion project modern AU that I dreamed up while spending a slow summer alone with my books and only able to leave the house for long rambling walks in the woods. The premise was essentially about characters attending a five year college reunion, something that I myself had missed due to COVID in May of the same year. The fic quickly became a way for me to process thoughts on a lot of topics in my life ranging from relationships to politics to mental health to classical literature.

This fic was also received with far more attention than I was used to and, as a result, I finally joined the notorious Twitter dot com where I found people talking about my fic unprompted, eager to follow me and like my every random thought.

I can’t say that this process was not without its ups and downs. Fandom has changed, in many ways for the better, since my last engagement with it during the 2013 Supernatural days on Tumblr. While fan friendships are often idealized or demonized, they are pretty much like any other human friendship (okay, maybe a little bit more horny on main). There is potential for amazing connection as well as pettiness. But in a year where many people suddenly had no social spaces that were safe anymore, I’m glad that I found a new line of communication with the world.  

So I kept writing fics for the ship, producing a lot of work that I am genuinely proud of and making connections with other people who enjoyed it enough to leave a comment.

To conclude this section, I was in fandom again. While I had not seriously engaged with a fan community since around 2014, I was back with a vengeance. And I had discovered an important truth about what unlocked my ability to write more than I ever had before: community support.

Not simply the kudos and the views. It was the comments. The discourse. The discussion. To add and contribute my thoughts and ideas to a greater network of thoughts and ideas that fed off of one another.

Often I had seen people complain about there not being enough fanworks for particular media or characters. Now I knew the secret. The comments and the community created the works. If I commented on other people’s fics, the more likely they were to write more. I made a resolution I have tried to keep, to comment on any story that I legitimately enjoyed reading, even if I had no particularly intelligent thing to say about it.

Part 3: A Novel Idea

By late October, I had produced a considering oeuvre for my ship of choice and was enjoying slowing my pace as I planned a few future projects.

Remember, though, how I mentioned not having engaged with fandom for the past 5 years? Well, that didn’t mean I hadn’t been writing.

For the past 4 years, I have won NaNoWriMo and completed 4 novels of over 100k each in length. These projects have been massively fun and improved my confidence with executing stories at the scope that I desire.

And so in November 2020, I settled down to write another novel. November is always a sort of terrible time write a novel if you work in academia, but this year, I had more time than usual. I set out to write a comedy fantasy novel, something mostly lighthearted and full of hijinks in order to pretend away some of the quarantine blues (which by this point were well established in my psyche).

This year in particular, I was reminded that writing a novel is… harder than fanfic. That seems like a very obvious point, but I’d written novels before. Suddenly, though, I was realizing how much a novel requires you to set up the world and the characters, while fanfic can be pretty much all payoff all the time.

While the fanfic flowed in wild creative bursts of energy, the novel required diligence of another sort. I wrote 2,000 words every day for two months. It was a grind. Sometimes, it was a slog. 

And sometimes it just wasn't good. The thing about writing your own novels is that the first draft is way more likely to be not good. You’re balancing a lot and it’s easy to let a few balls that you have in the air drop for a chapter or two, with no recourse but to go back and edit later.

I finished the novel by writing a final speedrun of 6k on new years eve, ending my 2020 with another project under my belt. No one has read it. Not even I have reread it.

I’m still glad that I wrote it. I’ll write another one next year. No one will read that one either.

Sometimes, we write for ourselves and no external validation is necessary.

Part 4: Where are they now?

January of 2021 is somehow now behind me, which is terrifying. I’m still writing. Mostly fanfic, although occasionally I go doodle around with some original ideas that are more conceptual sketches for the next novel.

As for the fanfic, I think I still have a few more good ideas left in me, but  I will probably leave it behind before the year is out. That feels a little bittersweet, a sort of temporary burst of fun and friendship that I wonder if I’ll ever experience again.

Coming to the end of this reflection, I suppose I should make a summative statement about what it all means.

In the end, it might not mean a lot. There are some small takeaways. 

It turns out that encouragement makes you write more! Who knew? Also, more free time makes you write more! Wow!!!!

The point that I think this reflection exercise has shown me, the point that I think matters more than any other, is that writing is a way to process my thoughts. Even if it is through the lens of ridiculous video game fanfic or novels about sad wizards, my writing is my way to make sense of my own mind. 

And sharing that is special. If you share it with online strangers, with your family on Christmas Eve, with your close friend who has become even closer and dearer to you since she let you read her work, or just with your mom (the one personal legally required to read your damn novel if you want to share it). To share writing is to give someone a little peek at your beliefs about the world.

And right now? When we’re still isolated and bored and scared and in desperate need of distraction? Binge some TV, play Nintendo, read a book. Take in other people’s thoughts.

But put down your own somewhere as well. It’s a conversation.

And for once, it’s a conversation that doesn’t have to take place on fucking Zoom.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #276

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

Favorite dried fruit? Dried fruit is fucking disgusting. Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? A dress. If you chose dress, will it be long or short? I prefer longer wedding dresses. If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? Hypothetically I’d wear a tie, probably. Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? No. Do you have a nut allergy? No. Do you accessories with chains? Put chains on fucking EVERYTHING and it is an improvement. How often do you cook dinner? If you’re excluding the microwave, like… never. What have you given up on recently? Nothing important; the only thing I can think of applies to a game. I was after the way-too-fucking-expensive dinosaur mount that is very soon going away in World of Warcraft, but the stress it was causing me wasn’t worth it. The time investment and how it was only a “maybe” of getting it in time Favorite condiment for fries? Ketchup. Ever had bangs? I did as a little kid. Do you know any Italian people? Well yeah, people of Italian descent are common in the U.S. I don’t know like, someone straight from Italy though. Have you ever dated someone LGBTQ+? Yeah, a demisexual. What color would you like your future bathroom to be? Uh… I don’t really care. It would depend on the house. Do you add sugar to plain cornflakes? No. Are skeletons cool? Skellyboiz are dope. Favorite Selena Gomez song? I don’t know any. Do you like coffee flavored cake? I don’t like coffee, so guess. Is that even a thing, though? Do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons? I don’t watch TV. I would though, sure. Do you like going on walks? What's your favorite thing about them? How far do you normally walk? Ugh this question is gonna be embarrassing considering I went through muscle atrophy in my legs from being so sedentary. When we move (HOPEFULLY the start of October, a wrench was kinda thrown in our plans), I intend to absolutely start walking in small intervals now that we’ll be in a nice little neighborhood with a sidewalk. And a PokeStop nearby to bait me lmfao. Plus the weather will be cooler, so I intend to make a lot of progress. BUT ANYWAY I like just listening to either music or the sounds of what’s going on around me. Last time you had a hot drink? That’s a good question. Idk. Have you ever lived in a city? Was it crowded? Never like… a “real” city. Just small towns or in the middle of nowhere. Would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods? THE WOODS!!!!!!1 THE WOODS!!!!!1!!!!1111!! GIMME THAT SHIT!!!!!!11!11!!!! Have you ever climbed a mountain? No. Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? LOADS of crickets and toads during the summer. Ever run away from home? When I was a stupid pre-teen. I was mad at my mom and she wasn’t home, so I took Teddy and left. I had my phone though and Mom – when she got home – threatened to call the cops, so yeah, I came back. Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? No. Is marriage on your mind? No time soon. Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? I didn’t, per se, but my younger sister did, and we would play together. Does the room you're in have a tiled floor? No, it’s carpet. How many pairs of earrings do you own? Not that many, not too few. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve never thought *looking* was a good idea, so no. I think bonds of any kind need to come naturally to avoid lack of genuineness, force, or rush. I don’t think me having an s/o is a smart idea right now anyway. Do you prefer a call or a text? Don’t call me unless you’re dying or something. Do your parents drink coffee every morning? Mom almost always does. I don’t live with Dad, so idk. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. One song that's meaningful to you? UM a LOT. Most meaningful, probably “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. I physically can’t listen to it. Like I refuse to. Are you addicted to anything? Technology, big oof energy. What were you last listening to in the car? Something on my iPod, idk. When was the last time you sang out loud? I don’t recall. I rarely sing. What did you have for breakfast? A microwaveable sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Mom is currently out of state with her mother because she’s literally on her deathbed, so she STOCKED ME THE FUCK UP on groceries. The freezer is literally jam-packed, so I’m focusing on eating food from there. Did you have a nap today? Yes. I almost never, ever make it through the day without one, especially now with having nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, not my first name, anyway. “Marie” is a middle name theme in my family, though. What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, indie… stuff like that. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up? Ugh, I miss a LOT of my old hobbies. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wish I drew way more than I do, which is almost never. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up? The first job I ever wanted was a paleontologist. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Still love ‘em. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now? It’d be great if I could finish designing Ashley’s cancer tattoo, but again, yeah, drawing motivation. ;_; If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing? I’m unemployed. Is the last person you kissed older than you? No. Are you happy right now? No. Haven’t been “happy” for a while now. Who makes you happiest right now? Probably my cat tbh lol. Especially being home alone for so long, he’s keeping me company. In school did/do people put a label on you? If so, what is/was it? I was considered one of the “emo” kids. Do you laugh every day? lol wow no. What is the last thing you laughed at? This Spongebob meme I saw on Facebook got me fuckin good. Have you cried today? If so, why? Nah. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Been a long time; even when I’m going in or coming out of the shower I do all I can for Mom to not see me because I hate my body a fucking lot. What is the greatest loss you've endured? My first boyfriend. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? WOW I do this like every fuckin day, fam. What was the last thing you lied about? I’m not sure. What type of a drunk are you? Never gotten to the point of drunk, but I was more talkative the closest I got. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? What a big question. I personally think you should do all you can to make a positive impact on the world – make it better than when you entered. Don’t contribute to the bad, treat people how you want to be treated… all that jazz. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I can’t remember quite why, but I remember doing that with WoW some time ago. Idr what I was doing that had my attention that long, though. That’s rare now. What is the worst thing you've done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Part one: hand over all of my worth to someone else. Part two: show me exactly why I shouldn’t have in a very unhealthy way. What is the most personal thing you're willing to reveal? I dunno??? Can ya give me a topic?? Is there a situation or person you haven't been able to get over/forgive/what have you? I honestly doubt I’ll ever be entirely over Jason. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Probably Mom, and idr. Doubt it. Just probably raised my voice. Where did your last injury come from? My cat, rip. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Something along the lines of “thanks for sending me to the ER (or mental hospital?) again.” Fucking disgusting. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Without fail, always. Please wear your seatbelt. Are you scared of flying? Not really. What do you sleep in? Men’s pj pants and tank tops. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. What are you listening to? I am fucking HOOKED on 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." Do you prefer soupy noodles or noodles without the broth? Without. Have you ever missed someone but felt like they had other friends and didn't miss you as much as you did? This. Is the story of my motherfuckin life. I feel this all the time to a very deep level. Who, out of all your friends, do you hang with the most and could never get tired of him/her? Sara. Do you like the taste of white chocolate or does it taste kind of fake? Nooot a white chocolate fan. Too sweet. How would you react if you just found out your mom had an abortion before? I would be VERY surprised just given who she is and her adoration for children. Are your pets spayed/neutered? Yes. Hottest guy you know and actually talk to? I don’t regularly talk to any guy I consider “hot,” but the closest to that would be my friend Leon, whom I’ve always seen as very attractive. It is fucking UNCANNY, his resemblance to Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil series. Like he’s dressed as him before and it is astonishing. Name sharing is a coincidence, too. What time of day do you like to shower? I don’t have a favored time anymore. I just do it when I feel like it at some point during the day, but pretty much never night anymore. I do think starting the morning with one though is great, though. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries are almost guaranteed, but of course it depends on the type of food, too. What do you spend more money than necessary on? I don’t and never have had a stable source of income to answer this, really. What video game or computer game are you best at? Uhhh I’d probably be rusty with the Shadow of the Colossus controls by now, I’ve don’t have the maps or every puzzles memorized from the Silent Hill games, so I guess my answer’s World of Warcraft if I’m on my hunter. Not to flex but I’m a bomb-ass beast mastery hunter. Been my main in the game since I started in MoP. What do you keep your keys on? They’re in my purse on a keychain. Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Oh yeah. Do you buy books or get them from the library? Buy them. What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? Veggies for sure. What do you use your stovetop for most? Well, I don’t ever. Can you focus on studying if there's music on? No, I need silence. In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? Well, see the above answer, for one. Also going to sleep. Well, maybe not, as I have a fan as kinda like white noise, but I can sleep without it. Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I didn’t score bad, but I wasn’t exceptional either. Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? Less, I’m sure. Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? Yeah, up in the attic. I think my mom has some stuff that’s super important to her in a case somewhere. Do you use hairspray much? I never do. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? I enjoy them. What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? Well, this is a difficult question to answer when you consider I think depending on your career focus as well as personal values and interests, this answer changes from person to person. Like for me, I could say I don’t give a shit about complex math, but advanced math courses would be valued by certain people down specific paths. But anyway, I’ll bite and say least necessary for *the most* people, in my opinion anyway. Gym. It’s very discriminatory towards people with more limited physical capabilities (and I don’t just mean literally disabled), and it’s also just very uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to some people. Like I’d fuckin cry if in my current state, I was forced to “run” a mile, because I physically couldn’t come even close. A person, a younger one especially, should never be subjected to humiliation at the hands of a class schools deem “necessary” when it absolutely is not. Okay I’m in a talkative mood and this is turning into an essay so I’mma move along now. When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I think for as long as I had recess, my go-to was ALWAYS the swings. I fucking loved swingsets. I loved playing 4 Square or whatever it was called. And then of course there was me digging tunnels in the sandboxes because I wanted to feel like a meerkat lmfao. Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? For some reason, I still have this childlike excitement *early* into a power outage. Especially when it’s dark and we have to get out the candles, and I might play my old GameBoy or Nintendo DS, or I’ll probably just chill talking with Mom. However, that phase is pretty short nowadays, being a snake mama. My mind very quickly goes back to “Venus needs her lamp,” so as time passes, I get more anxious than annoyed. Basically, I’d rather not have one. Do you know how to use an ATM? … no lmao How about write a check? No. Are you pretty politically correct? To a degree I consider reasonable. Personally I find political correctness as having gone too far by now, but it’s certainly appropriate in some instances. What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? I… don’t really care to think much on this. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself. There are things I think don’t look good, but they may look great to you, and it’s on your body, so guess whose opinion matters. What do you wear when you exercise? Oh yeesh. Just sweatpants and a tank top, normally. What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? I turn the brightness on my phone waaay down. I’m always going to wake up throughout the night and check the time, but I don’t want to be blinded.

[s-trawberryv-eins]

The Birthday

NOT MY GIF

The Birthday

Summary: Caroline Stark died in the snap that wiped out half of the population of the universe. She died two months before her 21st birthday. She was brought back to life in the October after what would've been her 26th. On the evening of what should be her 27th birthday, she feels as though she doesn't know who she should be anymore.

Warnings: Angst, loneliness, swearing. Not as sad as it seems though!

Please read here before reading!

Stark!OC x avengers

Word count: 3308

The Caroline Stark Series Masterlist

AUGUST 11th, 2024

AVENGERS COMPOUND

UPSTATE NEW YORK

As she lay with her head in Pepper’s lap, she made no effort to fight the hot tears that built up in her chocolate brown eyes. Delicate fingers worked through soft hair that spilled across her lap. Watching the girl with a look of heartbreak in her eyes, a sigh fell from Peppers lips.

“Please talk to me, baby.” Pleading with the girl in front of her, she felt at a loss. Having her daughter come back from the dead was a miracle; something she'd lost all hope for in the first few months after the snap. It never occurred to her the trauma Caroline now carried on her shoulders, however. Here they were, Caroline laying with her adoptive mother, sobs wracking her body on the eve of her birthday.

“How old am I, Momma?” Caroline had asked an hour earlier when she arrived at the Stark women’s quarters from the lab. Peppers heart broke for the girl, distress written clearly on every one of her delicate features. The woman said nothing, instead she simply sat on the couch and opened her arms wide for her daughter.

As it drew closer to midnight, the eldest Stark daughter couldn’t find the energy to be excited. She couldn't find the want to be excited. Tear stained cheeks red and puffy, eyes sore and bloodshot, the Potts woman wracked her brain for a way to cheer her daughter up, and perhaps salvage her birthday even the slightest bit.

“Am I 20 or am I 26? Because there’s a big difference, you know?” Stuttering through her speech, she couldn’t catch her breath. “Do you remember what we had planned for my 21st? Me, you, and Dad were gonna go to Coney Island? Fairground rides and hot dogs and a bonfire on the beach?"

“Yes, and then you were going to see Amelie and the others, and pretend it was your first-time drinking.” A sly smile crossed Pepper’s face as her daughters’ eyes widened comically.

“Dad promised he wouldn’t tell!”

“Tony knew?!” The brief silence quickly dissolved into giggles as the two women recalled the memories fondly.

-

“I know it’s last minute, but it’s really important!” Pepper spoke with equal parts frustration and excitement as she worked to pull her thoughts together. Caroline had long since fallen asleep on the couch, a blanket placed delicately over her sleeping form. After the less than cheery conversation the two shared, the CEO decided she knew exactly how to cheer the girl up.

“Barnes, I swear to all that’s holy this had better work!” Setting her phone down on the coffee table, she headed off to bed, knowing tomorrow would be a roller coaster of a day.

-

AUGUST 12th, 2024

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLINE” The loud girlish scream startled Caroline awake. Propping herself up on her elbows, Pepper met her eyes, offering her a sympathetic smile. Morgan, upon deciding she was simply not close enough, hopped up on to the sofa, all but climbing on top of her sister. A blinding smile and a big cuddle from the youngest Stark wasn’t a bad way to start the morning, Caroline thought to herself.

“Thankyou, baby.” Planting a kiss on her head, the scientist reached for her mother, who wasted no time in joining the sisters in their cuddle.

“We’ve got a surprise waiting for you in the kitchen.” Trying to muster up some enthusiasm was proving to be difficult, so she plastered on a fake smile and headed upstairs to change. Despite the early August sun shining down without relent, she pulled on a black sports bra and leggings, and threw her favourite black cropped jumped on over the top. Comfort over anything else, she decided. Jogging back downstairs, Morgan grabbed her sister’s hand and tugged her firmly in the direction of the communal kitchen.

Much to her relief, it was almost empty. As the three Stark ladies entered the room, they were greeted by FRIDAY, and Bucky Barnes.

“Good morning, Caroline! Happy birthday!" Thanking the AI, she placed Morgan on one of the kitchen stools before trying and failing to catch the Winter Soldiers attention, too engrossed in whatever he was cooking.

“I need to head to my office for a little while. Will you two be okay?” Kissing each of the girls on the forehead, they watched silently as their mother went off to work.

“Bye, Momma” Morgan piped up when Pepper was definitely out of earshot, earning a look of confusion from Caroline. “Uh…Uncle Buck?” Watching the soldier with entertainment, she reached out with tiny hands to grab a handful of napkins, throwing them haphazardly in his direction.

“UNCLE BUCK!” Spinning on his heels, cheeks flushed red and a lazy smile on his face, Morgan waved innocently. Receiving a wink and a high five from the soldier, a smile broke out across her face before she pointed at her sister. “It's sissy’s birthday.” The bluntness of her statement made him chuckle, but he simply nodded and motioned for the doctor to join him.

“Morning, Sergeant. What're you cooking?" As she rounded the corner of the island to have a nosy, he pulled her in for a sideways hug. Relishing in the feeling of being close to him, she hummed softly as he pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Happy birthday, doll. Pep told me that Tony always made pancakes on the day of; not that I've ever seen the man cook." A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips, the memory painfully bittersweet. The Winter Soldiers gesture left her heart fluttering and she made no effort to stop herself as she threw her arms around his middle.

“Thankyou, Bucky. It means more than you can know.” His surprised demeanour soon softened as he returned the embrace. Not feeling is necessary to respond with words, instead the sergeant tightened his grip on the girl, the pair enjoying the feeling of being so close.

“Smells like burning.” Morgan’s nose wrinkled as she inhaled deeply, her nonchalant comment sending the soldier into a panic.

“Your big sister distracted me!” Caroline rolled her eyes fondly but took her seat next to Morgan all the same, the moment being well and truly over.  Bucky plated up two portions of pancakes, toppings already set out before their arrival.

“Here you go! I’ve gotta run some errands with Sam, but I’ll catch you in a bit, yeah?” Sending a warm smile in the girls’ direction, he hurried out of the room. The sinking feeling of disappointment hit Caroline only briefly before her sister turned to face her.

"Are you and Uncle Bucky gonna get married?” taking the scientist entirely by surprise, Caroline struggled as a mouth full of pancake lodged itself in her throat awkwardly. After composing herself, she turned to meet her sisters’ eye.

“Where on earth did that come from?” The look on the youngest Stark’s face was one of complete innocence, as if she’d asked about the weather and not her sisters relationship status.

“You and Uncle Buck. You hug a lot and he makes your face red.” Pressing her hands to her cheeks, the doctor felt them grow warm as Morgan spoke. "Like that!” Shoving more food in her mouth, she tried to steady her heartbeat.

“If you must know, your uncle has made it quite clear that we are only friends. Now finish your food.” Throwing a piece of fruit at the small girl, she made it as obvious as she could that the topic was closed, despite the smile on Morgan’s face.

-

“FRIDAY, where’s momma?” The Stark girls had spent all morning in each other’s company,  wandering the compound and causing chaos, but they found that they were alone; with the exception of agents and officials they didn’t really know. Being a Stark had its benefits; Caroline had free reign of the compound, and the pair found that those that did catch them doing something they shouldn't were far more lenient upon realising who they were.

“She’s not here, Miss Morgan. Mrs Potts-Stark had to run a few errands. She’ll be home by 4.” A frown etched itself on to Caroline’s face, disappointed by her mother’s disappearance.

“Who is home then?” The AI created by Tony was all but a mind reader. It didn't matter how vaguely she was addressed, she always seemed to know what the team needed. Knowing that 'who' meant the team specifically, and ‘home’ meant their private living quarters, the AI responded immediately.

“Nobody, I’m afraid. It seems everybody is taking advantage of the peacetime, Miss Stark.”

Turning away from her sister with a huff, tears pricked at her eyes and that all too familiar lump formed in her throat. Yes, she’d requested her birthday remain a small, private affair, low key and homely. She hadn’t however, realised that this meant she’d be completely forgotten about. The sour taste in her mouth that appeared when she thought about this god-awful day was borne of confusion and grief and uncertainty. The last thing she wanted was to be completely alone.

As if sensing the shift in the room, Morgan took a gentle hold of Caroline hand, and began her trip across the green that separated the living quarters from her lab and workshop. The youngest Stark had access to the lab providing she was with an authorised adult; the measure had been taken after small hands had caused a rather large explosion when unsupervised - nobody was hurt, luckily.

Upon arriving in the lab, it took less than two seconds for Morgan to request her usual. “Do the suit.” Her statement offered no room for questioning, so Caroline planted her feet firmly on the pads in the corner of the room. Morgan watched with glee as the nanotech supersuit quickly covered every inch of Caroline’s body, travelling from the ground upwards. Inspired heavily by the Iron Man suit, she had used her fathers nanotech mark to create a stealth suit of her own. It lacked rocket launchers and the ability to fly, and she had changed the colour scheme somewhat; charcoal black with the iconic red of her father’s suit highlighting detail.

The changes were made to prove to everybody  - the public, the team, herself – that she is not taking his place; there would only ever be one Iron Man.

"You look like Daddy!” Awe poured out of her eyes, as if the sight before her was the most magical she'd ever seen. The comment hit Caroline straight in the heart, pride and love shining in her eyes.

The two played and tinkered for hours, loneliness only creeping back in that evening as the sun began to disappear. Morgan appeared restless, sighing and studying the clock on the wall with resolve, despite her inability to correctly tell the time.

“Miss Morgan, the little hand just hit 4.” Jumping to her feet, the smallest brunette yanked the goggles from her eyes, tossing them to the ground.

“We gotta go, Care!” Furrowed brows and delayed reactions caused Morgan to huff loudly. “I want juice pops, we gotta go!" Taking a stance behind her sister, Morgan began to push her sister with as much strength as she could muster.

“Okay, okay! I’m going! Stop pushing!” Failing to scold the child as she’d already raced off ahead of her, Caroline sighed, but picked up her pace all the same. Hearing the automatic doors open, Caroline ran faster, wanting to stop her sister from running off without her.

“Morgan! You can't just run off like that!" The two girls stood just outside the building, on the edge of the green. Only interested in her sister’s safety, Caroline hadn't yet taken in the change of scenery. "I was scared-" her words died on her tongue as she looked out around them.

The large expanse of grass had been transformed into what appeared to be a fairground. Fairy lights lit up the surrounding area, revealing a ferris wheel, and merry-go-round, and several other rides that sparked a heavy feeling of nostalgia in her heart. A popcorn machine and a hot dog stand and a fire pit with huge cushions and blankets surrounding it.

“What is this? Mo?” Her voice a breathless whisper as she spoke, tears pricking her eyes once again.

“It’s your birthday, baby.” A voice startled her, she spun around to find her mother and the rest of the team waiting. Her family.

“I KNEW ALL ABOUT IT.” Morgan made sure everybody knew about her part in the plan, the most important, she announced.

“Sorry for leaving you all day. We received instructions for mission not-so-impossible at two am.” Clint explained their absence with a bright smile on his face.

“We weren’t about to argue with Momma Stark here” Sam added with a wink. As she took in the overwhelming scene before her, she couldn’t stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. Two pairs of arms appeared around her, giggles filled her ears.

“Come on,” Wanda whispered, Nat smiling happily next to her.

“We made you your own Coney Island. Let’s go have fun.” Holding on to her two friends for a second or two more, she nodded her head, taking their hands in hers.

-

After 5 hours of candy floss and helter-skelter filled fun, the night had started to settle down. The group found themselves gathered around the fire pit, sharing drinks, snacks, and stories. The ‘adults’ – Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, and May – were ready to turn in for the night, only to find that Peter, MJ, and Morgan were perched a few feet off the ground in a hammock that Peter had cleverly created for youngest Stark, who was completely enamoured by her 'big brother’ and his spider-talent.

The Avengers were scattered about the pit, little conversations of all varieties taking place. Caroline, Wanda, and Sam were discussing an upcoming mission in Bucharest; Nat and Clint were taking turns trying to get Banners other half to join the party; Bucky and Steve were studying Steve’s phone as they tried to figure out how to queue a song that they liked.

“All I’m saying is, the four of us-“

“Stop saying that! There are three of us going on this mission!”

“Redwing is as much a member of this team as you or me, Maximoff. Don’t you forget it” Sam’s sassy response sent Caroline into a fit of giggles. After a few drinks, Sam became one of the girls; his snappy comebacks, bratty attitude, and overall lack of tolerance for anybody’s shit was impossibly entertaining. It definitely helped that the rest of them had a slight buzz too - even the super soldiers, thanks to Thor’s constant supply of Asgardian strength alcohol.

The warmth of the fire and the soft glow of the fairy lights brought a feeling of contentment to Caroline’s heart as she tuned out of her conversation to look around. She truly felt as though she was at home.

-

The fire had started to die down. Pepper had taken Morgan to bed, and Happy had taken May and Peter back to Queens. Steve, Banner, and Rhodey had also taken their leave, bidding the group good night and wishing Caroline a last happy birthday. The others stayed out, the drinks continued to flow, and the conversation did too. Natasha sat huddled in between Stark and Maximoff, the three exchanging private giggles and whispers, a conversation the boys were not privy to. As they discussed Caroline’s most recent (god awful) date, a very wobbly Bucky Barnes appeared in front of them, hastily shoving Natasha out the way to sit next to the birthday girl.

“Hey cutie.” After she’d stopped laughing, Wanda pulled her friend up and yanked her elsewhere, giving Barnes some time with Caroline.

“Hey Buck.” Beaming up at him, her mind flew to Morgan’s earlier comments. She’d long since accepted the fact that Bucky didn’t want her, but she couldn’t help the butterflies that refused to settle in her stomach when he was near.

“Sorry for running off so quick this morning. I wanted to stay, but these heroes needed my help setting up.” Shaking her head with a giggle, she insisted that he need not apologise, the pancakes were wonderful, and she managed with Morgan.

“I hear Morgan was asking questions?” His tone was teasing but his words tore the smile right off her face.

“Oh, uh – yeah,” she cringed as she spoke “I put her right though. Don’t worry.” Refusing to make eye contact, she missed the look of disappointment that passed over his features. Rubbing his hands on his thighs, Barnes sighed.

“Really messed up there, didn’t I?” Caroline’s head snapped up, brows furrowed. Bucky caught Natasha’s eye and nodded, which she took as a signal to drag everyone inside discreetly to give the two some privacy.

“What does that mean?” The Sergeant winced at the harsh edge to her tone, Hope dwindled in her eyes, along with uncertainty and fear. He’d broken her heart before, and she was impossibly sure that he could do it again if he wanted. “Bucky?”

“I was so cruel, that day in your lab. I never even apologised.” Now it was his turn to avoid her eyes. Her heart ached as she recalled the day he spoke of. "Didn't even say sorry. Because I am, Care. I am so sorry.” It’d never really crossed her mind. After their argument, she’d avoided him for a few days, trying to give herself space to heal. Things slowly returned to normal (especially after Bucky broke things off with his girlfriend), as if there'd been an unspoken agreement to forget about the whole ordeal.

Forcing a small smile and a nod seemed to be all she could manage to do. Nothing was said for a few moments, and whilst the silence wasn’t awkward, she did want to draw out her time with Bucky. Gently leaning into him, he picked up on the hint and let his flesh arm wind over her shoulder, covering them both with a blanket as he did so. Readjusting slightly, she positioned herself so that her back was against his chest, the two sat with legs stretched out on the giant cushions.

“So then, birthday girl. Did you decide how old you are?" His voice was a whisper, lips just barely grazing the shall of her ear. Inhaling sharply, she let herself fall deeper into his embrace, his arm shifting from the girl’s shoulder to sit firmly on her waist. The feeling left her dizzy, and she fought to compose herself. Letting her head fall back onto his shoulder, she closed her eyes.

“Yes actually, I did." Pausing to think for a moment, she searched for the right words; a challenge considering the tipsy haze making words difficult to find. Bucky simply waited for her answer. Pepper had explained her feelings, and he knew not to rush her.

“I’m 21. I’ve lost so much. Thanos took so much. I don’t think I should have to lose this too.” For the first time, the Stark girl didn’t feel like crying when talking about it.

“Well in that case –“ the softest of kisses was pressed to the side of her head “happy 21st birthday, Caroline.” Pulling herself from the soldier’s grip, she turned to face him. Just before she could open her mouth to respond, a loud crash followed by an eruption of drunken giggles sounded from behind them. Letting her forehead fall sharply against Bucky’s shoulder, he just chuckled and turned around to see what the commotion was.

Sam, Wanda, Clint, and Natasha were rolling around on the floor in their laughter, right next to a fallen popcorn machine. With a fond sigh, Bucky stood up and offered his hand to Caroline, pulling her up to join their friends.

It had truly been a tremendous birthday.

TAGS: @hailqueenconquer​