#I even set a writing word count goal for myself… and did not write any fic… I did write like 10 words of a poem?

[deancaskiss]

telling yourself you’re gonna be soooooo productive tonight and you’re gonna do all these things and feel so accomplished… and 1am rolls around and you haven’t done a single thing you wanted to do…. oh well, there’s always tomorrow night…. telling yourself you’re gonna be soooooo productive tonight and you’re gonna do all these things and feel so accomplished…. and 1am rolls around-

[flwrstqr]

— HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS (LHS - 이희승)

SYNOPSIS ! an advice writer, you, starts on a bold new project for an article aiming to explain how to drive a man away in just 10 days. your editor is supports, so you set out to find a suitable man for her experiment. meanwhile, executive heeseung is equally confident in his ability to make any woman fall in love with him within 10 days. when you and heeseung cross paths, things slightly go off plan.

THE CAST heeseung x writer! fem reader

GENRE s2l, fluff, comedy, romance

WORD COUNT 5k+

WARNINGS parties, kissing, small grammar errors, yn kind of playing with heeseung at first, swearing, angst, crying

DANi NOTEZ hii this is for my liz's new event!!! this i based the rom com, how to lose a guy in 10 days. i kind of changed up scenes but the main idea and plot is based on the iconic 2000s movie. i've been writing this for abt 2-3 days? i thought it was good enough for liz' event so here i am. anyways i hope u enjoy it ><

BEING A WRITER HAS BEEN YOUR NUMBER ONE GOAL EVER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. Now, at age 23, you were finally standing at the gates of the biggest magazine company ever. The sight alone sent chills down your spine, filling you with exhilaration.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the doors and stepped inside. The bustling activity, the hum of the printer, and the aroma of bitter coffee greeted you. You made your way to the elevator and anxiously pressed the button for the 17th floor.

Upon arrival, you awkwardly walked into the office. Your heart was pounding, and your knees were slightly shaking. You approached the manager's office and opened the door, finding yourself sitting in front of your section's main manager.

"YN LN?" the woman asked.

"Yes, ma'am," you replied stiffly, nerves evident in your voice.

"Welcome to our magazine company," she greeted, shaking your sweaty hand.

"Thank you," you responded with your usual sweet smile.

"Well, why don't you get to work?" she laughed. Your eyes widened, and you quickly stammered an apology, rushing to find your new desk and start brainstorming ideas.

For nearly two hours, you gazed out the window, feeling empty. No ideas were coming to you. It always seemed that the best ideas came at the worst times, and now, when you needed them most, your mind was blank.

"YN, just think…" you whispered to yourself, running your fingers through your hair. You glanced around the office, hoping for inspiration. Your eyes settled on a young man and woman engaged in a flirtatious conversation. Watching them smile and laugh together made you wonder if they were a couple or just interested in each other. (happy couples really did give you an ick.)

Then, it happened. The perfect idea. An idea that could possibly get you promoted and shake the whole world.

Quickly scribbling on your paper, the title snapped into your mind: "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."

YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING, how do you even lose a guy in 10 days? Easy—just find a guy and drive him away by doing stereotypical “girl things.” Sounds like a piece of cake, right?

“YN, that is one of the BEST ideas I’ve ever heard!” your editor, Yeseo, exclaims.

“Really?” you ask, eagerly smiling.

“It’s perfect! It would catch everyone’s attention!” Yeseo explains, her eyes lighting up as she imagines the situation.

“So, how are you going to write this?” Yeseo raises an eyebrow.

“I’ll try it out myself and document my experiences. That way, it’s more authentic,” you shrug.

“That sounds great. Just journal your experiences each day,” Yeseo nods, agreeing with your plan. “I’m so excited to see the final product, YN. Email me once you’re finished, and we’ll get it published within weeks.”

You give her a quick smile before leaving her office, ready to start your new adventure.

PARTIES. USUALLY ONE OF THE THINGS YOU ABSOLUTELY HATED. The noise of couples kissing, people screaming, and music blasting through the speakers was just not your thing. The way sweaty bodies brush against each other as they chug alcohol. Parties are truly the thing you hate the most.

“So you’re telling me your new article for the magazine is about how to get a boy to dump you in 10 days?” Karina raised her eyebrow.

“In other words, yes,” you smiled. “I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“Possibly it not working,” Giselle interjected.

“Well, it will. I’ve planned the whole thing,” you grinned with a hint of pride. “My editor was impressed. I’m sure it’ll work.”

“If you say so,” Karina laughed at your confidence.

“So basically, YN will get a boyfriend before me?” Ningning asked, shocked.

“Well, he’s not gonna be my boyfriend. He’s more like a test,” you replied uncertainty. As you continued to explain your plan, you felt a gaze fixed on you from across the room.

A FEW MINUTES BEFORE

“I bet you can’t get a girlfriend,” Jake joked.

“I can,” Heeseung rolled his eyes.

“Wanna bet on it, then?” Jake's eyes glinted with playfulness.

“Deal,” Heeseung confirmed.

“If you get that girl over there as your girlfriend, then I’ll give you a thousand dollars.” Jake smirked, pointing at you across the room.

“Her?” Heeseung raised his eyebrow as he checked you out. You were pretty to his eyes, though he wasn’t sure if he had the courage to approach you.

“Yup, her,” Jake grinned.

“Deal, I’ll have her in my arms within a day,” Heeseung winked before walking over to ask for your number.

NOW

“No way my plan will fail–” your voice stopped as Heeseung approached, tapping your shoulder lightly.

“Hi,” he greeted you with a welcoming smile.

“Uh, hi?” you replied, confused.

“You’re kind of cute. Can I get your number?” Heeseung asked, the words not quite rolling off his tongue as he had never done this before.

Your cheeks burned slightly as you stared. “Sure?” He was quite cute, with his sweet smile and perfectly styled hair. You gave him your number, and he mentioned he would text you later before walking off.

“YN, you know what that means?” Giselle raised her eyebrow.

“Huh?” you looked confused.

“You can use him as your test,” Winter recalled. Your eyes then widened. Perfect! He would be the perfect subject for your new article. Now, how were you going to make him yours?

YOU SIT ON YOUR BED, staring at your phone, debating whether to text Heeseung first. Your fingers hover over the keyboard, a mixture of nervousness and excitement bubbling inside you. Finally, you take a deep breath and type out a message.

YN: Hi, it’s YN. We met at the party earlier, you asked for my number. :)

You hit send and immediately feel a rush of anxiety. What if he doesn’t respond? What if he thinks you’re weird? You try to distract yourself by scrolling through social media, but the minutes feel like hours. Suddenly, your phone buzzes.

Heeseung: Hey, of course I remember. How's your night going? 

YN: It’s going good, just relaxing now. How about you?

Heeseung: Same here. Just got home. That party was a bit too much for me, tbh

You smile, feeling a little more at ease.

YN: Agreed, not rlly a party person lmao

Heeseung: Really? Me neither. I actually prefer a quiet night with some good music.

YN: Same, what kind of music do you like?

Heeseung: I listen to a lot like R&B and indie ig

YN: oh rlly? Same w me 

Heeseung: oh that’s cool

Heeseung: also wanna meet up one day?

YN: That would be amazing. I’m totally up for it.

Heeseung: Cool, it’s a date then. :)

You can’t help but smile at his message, feeling a flutter of excitement.

YN: Sounds like a plan.

Heeseung: It’s getting late. I should probably get some sleep. But I’m glad we got to talk tonight.

YN: Me too. Sleep well, Heeseung. Talk to you tomorrow?

Heeseung: Definitely. Goodnight, YN. :)

You set your phone down, a smile still on your face. This might just be the start of something interesting.

YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATH, smoothing out your outfit one last time before stepping into the restaurant. Heeseung is already there, waiting at a table near the window. He spots you and waves, a warm smile spreading across his face. You give a small smile back. 

“Hi,” you greet him as you sit down.

“Hey,” he replies, “You look great.”

“Thanks, you too.”

The waiter comes over to take your orders, and there’s a moment of awkward silence as you both look at the menus.

“So, uh, do you come here often?” Heeseung asks, attempting to break the ice.

“Actually, it’s my first time,” you admit.

“I see,” Heeseung awkwardly laughs. 

AFTER DINNER, you both step outside into the cool evening air, feeling more comfortable in each other’s presence.

“That was really nice,” Heeseung says, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, feeling a sense of relief that the awkwardness from earlier has faded.

You walk side by side down the quiet street, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere.

“Do you live far from here?” Heeseung asks, breaking the silence.

“Not too far. Just a few blocks away,” you reply, glancing at him.

“Oh I see,” he says, smiling.

As you continued walking, the two of you began to chatter off. The conversation flows effortlessly, and you find yourself laughing at his jokes and sharing your own stories.

“Did you see the sunset earlier?” Heeseung asks, pointing to the sky, which is now painted with shades of orange and pink.

“Yeah, it was beautiful,” you say, smiling at the sight.

“I had a really good time tonight,” Heeseung says, looking at you with a soft smile.

“Me too,” you reply, feeling a warmth spread through you.

As you reach your street, you both come to a stop.

“Well, I guess this is where we part ways,” Heeseung says, looking a little reluctant to leave.

“Yeah,” you say, feeling a twinge of disappointment.

“Thanks for tonight, YN. I had a great time,” he says, stepping closer to you, “Maybe another time we can hang out again.” 

“Thank you too, Heeseung. That sounds great,” you reply, feeling a rush of happiness.

 YOU DECIDE IT'S TIME TO PUT YOUR PLAN INTO ACTION. You’ve thought through every detail, determined to see if your article concept works in real life. Step one: find an ugly dog and some hideous clothes. You’ve got the perfect ideas in mind.

You meet Heeseung outside his apartment, holding a small, scruffy dog with a face only its owner could love. You flash him a bright smile as he opens the door.

“Surprise!” you exclaim. “I got us a dog!”

Heeseung’s eyes widen as he takes in the sight of the dog. “Uh, wow, YN. That’s…unexpected.”

“Isn’t he adorable?” you gush, ignoring the bewilderment on Heeseung’s face. “I named him Snuggles.”

“Snuggles, huh?” Heeseung says, trying to muster enthusiasm. “Yeah, he’s…something.”

You place Snuggles in Heeseung’s arms, watching as the dog licks his face with an enthusiastic, slobbery tongue. Heeseung grimaces slightly but manages a strained smile.

“Let’s take him for a walk,” you suggest brightly, grabbing a garishly colored leash from your bag.

Later that evening, you bring out the next part of your plan: an outfit so hideous that it should be impossible for Heeseung to bear. You hand him a neon green tracksuit with orange polka dots and a pair of mismatched shoes.

“I thought we could match!” you say, revealing your identical outfit. “Isn’t it fun?”

Heeseung looks at the clothes, then back at you, clearly unsure how to respond. “Wow, YN. This is…unique.”

“You don’t like it?” you ask, pouting slightly.

“No, no, it’s great,” he says quickly. “I’ll just, uh, go change.”

When he returns, you both look like you’ve stepped out of a bad 80s workout video. You can’t help but laugh at the absurdity, but Heeseung seems to be struggling to keep a straight face.

“Let’s go grab dinner,” you say, linking your arm with his. “I made reservations at that fancy restaurant downtown.”

At the restaurant, the two of you turn heads as you walk in, dressed in your eye-searing outfits. The hostess tries to maintain her professionalism as she leads you to your table, but you can see the corners of her mouth twitching.

Throughout dinner, you do your best to be as irritating as possible. You chew with your mouth open, talk loudly, and insist on ordering the strangest items on the menu.

“Are you sure you want the pizza?” Heeseung asks, a note of disbelief in his voice.

“Absolutely,” you reply, grinning. “And I think you should try it too!”

Heeseung hesitates but eventually nods. “Sure, why not?” 

Here you were, sitting on your bed as you write your story. Typing away and zoning out, it had to be working right? He obviously would be over you by next week. All you needed was one more shove to drive him away soon as possible. Just 5 more days..

YOU PUSH YOUR CART THROUGH the aisles of the grocery store, scanning the shelves for the items on your list. As you reach for a box of cereal, you hear a familiar voice behind you.

“YN?”

You turn to see Heeseung approaching, a smile lighting up his face. “Oh, hi Heeseung,” you say with a smile.

“Nice to see you here,” he says, falling into step beside you.

“Yeah, I just needed to grab a few things,” you reply, feeling a bit flustered by his presence.

Heeseung nods, and for a moment, there’s an awkward silence as you both continue browsing. Suddenly, you realize you can’t reach the item you need on the top shelf.

“Um, Heeseung, do you think you could help me with something?” you ask, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Of course, what do you need?” he replies, stepping closer.

“I just need to grab that box up there,” you say, pointing to the top shelf.

“Sure thing,” Heeseung says, reaching up to grab the box.

But as he stretches, you accidentally bump into him, causing him to lose his balance. In a split second, you reach out to steady him, but instead, you end up stumbling backward, crashing to the ground on top of him. Your face merely inches from each other. 

“I’m sorry about that!” you exclaim, your face burning with embarrassment.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” he says, his cheeks also flushed as he helps you up.

“Um, we should probably get up,” you say, feeling flustered.

“Yeah, definitely,” Heeseung agrees, scrambling to his feet.

You both straighten your clothes and try to regain your composure, but the awkwardness lingers in the air.

“Well, um, thanks for trying to help,” you say, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Anytime,” Heeseung replies with a sheepish smile. You exchange a quick awkward glance before awkwardly walking back to do your own things.

YOU AND HEESEUNG STEP INTO THE DIMLY LIT MOVIE THEATER, the smell of popcorn filling the air. You’ve been looking forward to this night out, hoping it will help end your plan to drive him away. As you settle into your seats, the lights dim, and the movie begins.

The film is a romantic comedy, and as the story unfolds, you find yourself getting lost in the plot. But when the characters share a kiss on screen, you feel a sudden tension between you and Heeseung.

You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, and you can see that he’s watching you, his expression unreadable. You both look away awkwardly, feeling a flush of embarrassment.

As the movie progresses, the tension between you only grows. You can feel Heeseung’s eyes on you, and you struggle to focus on the screen, your heart pounding in your chest.

Suddenly, as another kiss happens, Heeseung leans in closer to you. You freeze, unsure of what to do. Is he going to kiss you? But then, almost as if on cue, Heeseung leans in closer, his lips hovering just inches from yours. His breath mingles with yours, his warm exhales tickling your skin as he leans in, his lips drawing closer to yours. You can feel the gentle brush of his breath against your mouth, sending shivers down your spine. 

Your heart pounds in your chest as you feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. And then, in a heartbeat, he closes the gap between you, his lips pressing softly against yours. It’s a gentle kiss, but hesitant at first, but soon it deepens. You can’t help but respond, your hands finding their way to his shoulders.

You melt into the kiss, losing yourself in the sensation of his lips against yours.  When you finally pull away, your heart is racing, and your mind is buzzing with emotions. You meet Heeseung’s gaze, and you can see the same uncertainty reflected in his eyes.

“Wow,” he whispers, his voice barely audible over the sound of the movie.

“Yeah,” you murmur, at a loss for words.

As the movie comes to an end, you both sit in silence, the weight of what just happened hanging in the air. But despite the awkwardness, you can’t shake the feeling that something has shifted between you.

As you leave the theater, you can’t help but replay the kiss in your mind, feeling a sense of warmth and longing that you can’t ignore. And as you walk hand in hand with Heeseung, you realize with a start that maybe, just maybe, you’re falling in love.

AS YOU LIE IN BED THAT NIGHT, the events of the evening replay in your mind. The gentle touch of Heeseung's lips against yours, the warmth of his embrace—it all stuck in your head. 

You stare up at the ceiling, think to yourself.  Love? It's a word you're not ready to utter, a feeling too intense to comprehend. You try to push the thought aside. 

You roll onto your side, pulling the covers tighter around you. You couldn’t be in love? All that effort you put in to get rid of him. It was your 8th day, just two more days. You couldn’t do it anymore. As you drift off to sleep, the question echoes in your mind. Are you falling in love with Heeseung? 

THE REALIZATION HITS YOU like a ton of bricks, leaving you feeling breathless. Could it be true? Are you actually falling in love with Heeseung?

The thought consumes you as you go about your day. By the time evening arrives, you can't shake the feeling that you needed to end it.

Summoning every ounce of courage, you pick up your phone and dial your editor's number. When she answers, you get yourself together for the conversation ahead.

"Hey, it's me," you begin, "I need to talk to you about the article."

There's a pause on the other end of the line, and you can almost hear the curiosity in her voice as she responds. "Sure, what's up?"

"I… I can't write it," you admit, the words feeling like a confession. "I just don't feel right about it anymore."

There's a moment of silence before your editor speaks again, her tone firm."No, you're writing it," she says, leaving no room for argument.

"But—" you start to protest, but she cuts you off before you can continue.

"No buts," she insists. "We've already agreed on the topic, and you're the best person for the job. I expect to see the first draft on my desk by the end of the week."

You sigh, feeling defeated. It's clear that your editor isn't going to budge on this issue, and you know that arguing further would be a waste.

"Okay," you say reluctantly, resigning yourself to the task at hand. "I'll get it done."

AS YOU SIT ON YOUR COUCH, trying to make sense of everything that's happened, until you hear Heeseung pick up a call. 

“ Heeseung!" Jake's voice crackles through the phone, filled with excitement. "So, have you sealed the deal yet? Win YN over?"

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of your name and you instinctively lean in closer, eager to hear his response. But as you listen, the color drains from your face, and a cold dread settles in the pit of your stomach.

"The bet that I could get YN in 10 days?," Heeseung's voice comes through the phone, his words cutting through the air, "I thought I could, but…" 

Your heart shatters. Your knees started to shake. How could you have been so blind? How could you have let yourself fall for someone who was playing a game with your feelings?

Before you can hear the rest of his sentence, you leave the room silently. "I thought I could, but…" The words replay in your head.As the reality sinks in, you realize that you may have just broken your own heart, listening in on a conversation that was never meant for your ears.  He played with you. He was using you. You feel like a fool, blindsided by the truth that's been staring you in the face all along. 

You walk yourself to the nearest taxi before coming back to your empty apartment. You lie on bed, your palms on your eyes, sobbing quietly. Why should you care? I mean he was just an experiment — right? 

THE MORNING SUNLIGHT FILTERS through the curtains as you sit on your bed, thoughts rushing through your mind. The wounds from last night were still raw, as you feel tired and sick. You kew what you have to do. You began to type your last paragraph of the article before submitting it to your editor. 

With the article sent, you feel a mix of anxiety and relief. You know the revised piece is honest and raw, reflecting your own experience. But there’s one more thing you need to do to truly move forward.

To: Editor Yeseo

Subject: Resignation Letter

Dear Yeseo,

I am writing to formally resign from my position as a writer, effective immediately. I appreciate the opportunities I have had here and the support from the team, but I must prioritize my well-being at this time.

Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely, YN

You hit send, feeling an overwhelming amount of pain. Being a writer had been your dream job, but now, it feels like a chapter you need to close. As you sit in your now-quiet apartment, you feel a pang of sadness. The memories of the past few weeks with Heeseung linger, but you push them aside. 

You start with your closet, pulling out clothes and sorting them into piles: keep, donate, and toss. You take down the photos and posters from the walls, each one a reminder of the life you’re leaving behind.

Next, you move to the kitchen, packing up dishes, utensils, and small appliances. You wrap everything carefully, methodically, as if each item represents a piece of your heart that you’re trying to protect. 

Your phone buzzes with messages from Heeseung, but you ignore them. Making them be left on delivered. You move to the living room, packing up books, DVDs, and mementos. You’re not just packing up your belongings; you’re packing up your old life, preparing to move on and start new.

IN HIS DIMLY LIT APARTMENT, Heeseung sits on the edge of his bed, the glow of his laptop screen casting shadows across his face. His heart pounds in his chest as he opens the email attachment—a document titled "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days—And Fall in Love in the Process" by [Your Name].

As the page loads, he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he's about to read. The cursor hovers over the first paragraph, and with a trembling hand, he begins to scroll down. 

Heeseung sits at his desk, his heart pounding in his chest as he reads the article that has just landed in his inbox. With each word, his emotions spiral into a whirlwind of confusion and disbelief.

"When I set out to write this article..."

He reads the opening sentence, his brow furrowing in confusion. What article is this? And why does it sound so familiar?

As he continues to read, the pieces start to fall into place. The description of the article, the unexpected turn of events—it's all too familiar, too painful to ignore.

"I met someone who was supposed to be just a test subject..."

Heeseung's breath catches in his throat as he realizes what he's reading. This is about him. About the bet, about the article he overheard, about everything.

He reads on, his heart pounding louder with each passing sentence:

When I set out to write this article, the plan was simple: follow a set of steps to make a guy dump me in ten days. It was supposed to be a fun, light-hearted challenge—a piece to entertain our readers. But life, as it often does, had other plans.

I met someone who was supposed to be just a test subject. But as the days went by, something unexpected happened. The more I tried to push him away, the closer we became. Every awkward moment, every forced argument, every silly plan to drive him away only brought us closer together.

I found myself laughing at his jokes, looking forward to our time together, and, against all odds, feeling a connection I hadn't anticipated. What started as a challenge turned into a journey of discovery—not just about him, but about myself.

I realized that love isn't something you can plan or control. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, breaking down the walls you've carefully built around your heart. And sometimes, the person you're trying to lose ends up being the one you can't imagine living without.

So, dear readers, this isn't the article I set out to write. It's not about foolproof ways to make a guy dump you. Instead, it's a story about how, in the process of trying to push someone away, I found myself falling in love. It's messy, it's unexpected, and it's beautiful.

Life has a funny way of turning our plans upside down. And sometimes, the best stories are the ones we never meant to write.

He closes the magazine, his mind spinning with thoughts of you. He knows he needs to find you, to talk to you, to tell you how he feels. He can't let this opportunity slip away, can't let the chance to be with you slip through his fingers.

With a sense of determination, Heeseung rises from his seat, his heart pounding in his chest. He knows he has to find you, to tell you how he feels, to see if maybe, just maybe, you feel the same way too.

HEESEUNG'S HEART RACES AS HE RUSHES THROUGH THE STREETS, his mind consumed with thoughts of you. He knows he needs to find you, to talk to you, to tell you everything.

As he rounds the corner, he sees your apartment building looming ahead. His steps quicken, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps. He's so close now, so close to finally telling you how he feels.

But as he reaches your building, his heart sinks at the sight before him. He sees movers loading boxes into a truck parked outside, and he realizes with a sinking feeling that you're moving away.

Heeseung's chest tightens with panic, his mind racing as he searches for a solution. He can't let you slip away, can't let this chance to be with you slip through his fingers. He rushes toward the building, his thoughts jumbled all up. 

As he bursts through the door, he sees you standing in the hallway, a suitcase at your feet, tears streaming down your face. His heart breaks at the sight of your sadness, and he knows he needs to act fast.

"Y/N!" he calls out, his voice echoing through the empty hallway. You turn to face him, your eyes widening in surprise at the sight of him standing there.

"Heeseung?" you whisper, your voice trembling with emotion. "What are you doing here?"

Heeseung takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he's about to say. "I need to talk to you," he says, his voice filled with urgency. "There's something I need to tell you, something I should have told you a long time ago."

He steps closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours. "I was part of the bet," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "But it was never about winning a thousand dollars or proving anything to Jake. It was about proving something to myself—to prove that I could be the kind of guy who deserves someone like you."

Tears well up in your eyes as you listen to his confession, your heart aching with a mix of sadness and hope. "Heeseung…" you whisper, reaching out to touch his hand.

But Heeseung doesn't wait for you to say anything more. With a surge of courage, he leans in and presses his lips to yours, pouring all of his love and longing into the kiss. 

As Heeseung's lips meet yours in that soft, tender kiss, his hands gently find their way to your waist, pulling you closer to him.

You feel the heat of his body against yours, the closeness intensifying the sensation of his lips moving against yours. His touch is gentle yet possessive, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin as if memorizing every curve of your body.

You pull away, staring and laughing for a moment. 

"I love you," you whisper softly. 

"I love you more," he smiles back, quietly leaning his forehead against yours to quickly catch his lips on yours again. Maybe writing that article wasn't so bad after all.

[byoldervine]

Motivation For Writing

Getting Off Your Butt:

1. Aestheticise it. Let the light in through the curtains, turn on your fairy lights, lay a blanket over your lap, light some candles, whatever you need to do to feel like a writer. The right vibes can go a long way

2. Picture that one scene. There’s almost always a moment you’re super excited about that basically inspired the whole book. Picture it, play it out in your head in full cinematic fanfare, gush to yourself about how cool it is and how everyone will love it, picture a future fanbase going nuts for it. You might get excited enough to go back to writing

3. Set a word count goal. During NaNoWriMo this year I think I wrote more than I ever have in one go. The thing that kept me coming back was the desire to not fall behind. I ended up with ~45K words after some complications irl caused me to drop off in the final few days, and that’s all just because I was adding up the 1667 a day word count goal and realising where I needed to be at to keep up. I definitely can’t stay as rigid as I did with 1667 words every single day, but seeing that you’re only a few hundred words off of a goal is super motivating - just be sure to set realistic, easy to achieve parameters for just general use, like 1000-2000 words per week. I know 200 words per day is a popular one for people trying to establish a writing routine that can’t dedicate forever to the craft

Maintaining Motivation:

1. Writing sprints. Writing sprints are a godsend for me, I like to set myself up in the living room with Abbie Emmons’ writing sprint video on. The video lasts two hours and is broken up into two parts; 25 minutes to write and 5 minutes for breaks between writing, so four 30 minute sprints overall. Having the timer and countdown with peaceful music and an aesthetic background is both relaxing and encouraging, as well as giving me a specific time for how much longer I have to push through. It’s easier for me to say “Okay, only ten more minutes, then you can take a break” then it is to say “Just keep going, we’re not stopping until I say so” which is too arbitrary for my brain to accept

2. Give yourself a choice. If you’re struggling to keep your focus, come up with a finish line and tell yourself you don’t have to do any more work once you’ve reached that point. Finish the paragraph, go for another five or ten minutes, keep it up until your next scheduled break. Whatever sounds realistic and doable without being overwhelming. And once you’ve met this goal, ask yourself if you still want to stop. With any luck, you’ll have gotten back into the zone and will choose to keep going. Maybe you’ll want to take a quick break but you’ll come back later on. And maybe you’ll decide that now actually is a good stopping point. Just remember that, if you do still want to stop, don’t force yourself to keep going. You can’t strike deals with yourself if you know you won’t keep your word and all you’ll end up doing is burning yourself out, which will lead to even less writing getting done

3. Try a new angle. If you can’t be bothered to write anymore, is there anything else you can do for your book? Plotting, editing, worldbuilding, character sheets, one-shots all that sort of thing can still be productive for your book while still being different enough to give your brain a slight respite. It also means less work in that particular area later on

Afterwards:

1. Organise. Clean up your workspace and put everything away so it’s nice and neat for when you come back to it. Or if you don’t need to pack things out the way, set it up in an aesthetically pleasing way so it will tempt you back next time. Let it give you the writer vibe

2. Take care of yourself. Get a drink, have a snack, walk about, stretch your limbs, take a breath, cuddle your pet. Something that gets you away from straining your eyes looking at text for a bit. This is also a good time to reward yourself if positive reinforcement is something you use on yourself. If you always feel shitty after your writing sessions, you won’t want to go back to it

3. Positive reflection. Make sure to tell yourself you did good, even if you didn’t get as much done as you would’ve liked or it isn’t up to a standard of quality you’re aiming for. That can all be fixed later on, and you’re infinitely better off than you would’ve been if you didn’t do it. Be proud of yourself. Tell yourself you’re proud of your hard work and your dedication and your effort. Remind yourself that this is a fun thing you like to do. Marvel over how insane it is that you’ve gotten this far - not many people do - and that you’ve got all this tangible work to prove you’ve accomplished something so many people wish they could pull off. If this isn’t fun overall, there’s no point

[zzoguri]

surrender to me ➵ kim sunwoo

fuck buddy!kim sunwoo x reader

you despise everything about him—detached, shy, a blind follower. if anything, being in the same room as him infuriates you. so how did a leader like you end up in this mess with him?

genre/warnings ➵ fuck buddies au, smut, afab reader (they/them pronouns, gendered terms are used), porn with little plot, dom!sunwoo, condescending and cocky sunwoo in contrast to his supposed shy nature, fingering, nipple play, a lot of hickeys, dirty talk!!! so much begging, he whines ONCE, he is also obsessed with the taste of you, degradation (uses terms like bitch, calls you pathetic), he is demanding & likes to make fun of you, calls you "Ms. Leader" a lot, a bit of aftercare in the end, yeji does interrupt the fun

word count ➵ 4k words

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez

a/n ➵ first time writing a oneshot that is less than 10k words and it has smut? and it's also my first time writing smut? and it's not my usual format of writing titles? be so for real moni. i don't even know if this counts as full-blown smut for you guys there is no p in v action. guys, this is truly the worst experience of my life. this writing experience has made me applaud smut writers because i feel like having to scream and laugh at myself. i didn't even fully read through this because i feel like i'm going to ram myself against the walls. anyway, thank you @haet-sal @snowflakewhispers @sungbeam and @cerescomets for the reassurance while i was writing! anyway, if people enjoy this, i can consider making this a series possibly! if you enjoyed this, always make sure to reblog (even if it's on your tbr </3)!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

God, you hate yourself for many reasons. Many knew you as the overachiever in your classes, one who will find themselves setting goals that should be unattainable in all ways. The same people found you the leader type, one who is determined to take charge of everything and anything. But most people, if not all, think of you as the hard-headed one—someone who will never waver from the choices set.

It did not matter what others thought. You could care less what these people had to say; it does not matter if they threw around nouns they felt encapsulated the image you present in school. If anything, they were doing you a favor for you can hope that it would remain.

But god would you hate for anyone to see you like this—to see you out of the powerful persona you had carefully curated.

You should not be doing this—definitely not with him. If anything, you hate him for so many reasons. He is the detached one in your class, one who never raises his hand nor finds the right answers to say when asked. Everyone knows him as the blind follower, one who will follow instructions but never provide any input on how things can improve. But most of all, people knew him as the shy one—someone who will not refute or refuse.

He infuriates you for he is not like you. God, you hate being in the same group as him—let alone being in the same room as him.

So why did you find yourself with your limbs tangled with his, all locked up in your very own room?

“God,” Sunwoo whispers against your lips. “I thought you said the last time would be the last.” His plump lips nip on your bottom one as his fingers find themselves on your buttons, popping them undone one by one.

And it should have been. You should not be doing this with him. Yet, you always find yourself ringing his phone again, and again, and again. Did you not respect yourself?

“It should’ve been.” With the way you grunt while you attempt to unbutton his shirt, he cannot help but chuckle. It is humorous—you say one thing and the complete opposite happens. 

His lips leave yours as soon as he successfully gets rid of your button-up shirt. Once they find themselves in the sweet spot on your neck, you cannot help but moan at the sensation. “You always come back for more,” he says in between sucks. “Just admit that you like doing this with me, Ms. Leader.” Sunwoo’s mouth moves to your chest, right above where your heart should be. “You like to finally have someone in control over you.”

You never wanted to agree to that assumption. If anything, you crave to be in control of everything. That is how you go on with life—taking everything in your own hands under the safety blanket that everything shall go your way. But when his fingers glide against every part of your body, traversing you as if you are something to be explored, you almost cannot help but feel all resolve crumble.

“Come on.” Sunwoo nips on your skin, coloring your chest with wet bruises. “I just want to hear you say it. It’s not like I’ll ever tell on you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

He chuckles at your words. “Like I said, I would never.” As soon as his eyes meet yours, you almost cannot help but cower under his stare. “I would never let anyone know of what you allow me to do to you.”

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss. With your hands tugging on the strands of his hair, he lets out a small moan at the feeling. His lips remain locked with yours as he attempts to undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt. Noses bump against each other from how messy this whole thing is—not the kiss but everything about you two. God, why on Earth are you doing this again?

As soon as his lips part from yours, you notice how swollen they are from how much he has kissed you. You can only wish yours were not like his. When his buttons are fully undone, he decides to keep it on just to tease. And even with the small amount of skin he revealed, your eyes will never stop devouring him—the smirk that is evident on his lips seems to show that he knows that.

“You know, I would never let anyone know about this behavior of yours, Ms. Leader,” he says as he pushes you down against your bed. When he straddles you, he lets himself take in the sight of you—wide eyes that look up to him with desire. He brings his face close to the right side of your face so that his lips hover over your ear. “I want this to be something you reserve just for me.”

As his breath fans over the side of your way, you close your eyes in an attempt to calm every emotion coursing through your body. His hands find their place on your torso, letting his fingers draw shapes on each side. And when his hands slowly move further down, you arch your back so that he has full access to your bra clasp. His fingers carefully play with your bra strap, slightly tugging it and letting go so that it smacks against your skin. You do not hiss at the contact but relish it.

“Not gonna talk your shit like you always do, Ms. Leader?” The condescending tone of his makes you want to rip him into pieces. “You always seem to do that everywhere—except here,” he chuckles as he finally grabs onto your clasp.

“S–shut up.” Your eyes wander away from the man who knew your body too well than you could ever understand it. And as soon as he undoes the clasp, you feel his hands move to your shoulders. His fingers slowly move the bra straps away. “God, you don’t need to take forever.” Your impatient tone has him chuckling and shaking his head.

“I think I can do whatever I want. Did you not surrender all control to me?” When you do not say anything, he grabs your chin to make sure you face him. Now that your eyes are back on him, you notice the smirk that so badly infuriates you to the core. “Answer me.” You only frown at his demand.

“If you don’t answer me, I’ll walk out that door.” His threat should have been your window to end this mess after all. But god, you hate yourself.

“N–no, don’t leave.” Your plea has his eyes flicker down to your lips which hold a pout.

“Then say it—say that you surrender everything to me.”

How can you even say such words? You respect yourself. But under his gaze, you cannot help but follow. “I surrender myself to you.” The phrase falls out of your mouth pathetically. Sunwoo snickers at how ashamed you are. God, even you knew that you said it miserably.

“You think I’ll fuck you just like that? Who do you think I am?”

He is the pathetic one in group works, one who will accomplish tasks and never question your authority. He is the shy type, someone who will never speak up against you. And he is useless in everything that concerns you—but not this time.

“Fuck,” you mutter as you try to rip away from his stare. But when he keeps his firm grip on your chin, you know there is no way to get what you want unless you abide. “I’m all yours. Control me—use me in any way you want.”

And his laugh is just the sickest one you have ever heard. “Don’t demand me—beg for it.” His tone is sinister-like, one that makes you shiver. If you could control him like how you do with everything, you would never be in this position. And yet, you always found yourself succumbing to his demands.

You huff out a puff of air. “Please,” you make sure to prolong the ‘e’ sounds. With your eyes staring directly back into his that are clouded with desire. “Use me.”

And somehow, those three words had his resolve crumbling.

He goes in for another kiss, letting go of your chin as his hands go back to your bra. As soon as Sunwoo successfully removes it from you, your arms wrap around his neck. His fingers graze around the area where you so desperately needed him to touch. With your rushed kisses (and your attempt to press your chest against his), he can tell how impatient you are growing. And the moment his thumb brushes against your nipple, the moan you let out is grueling—almost embarrassing.

You hate how he starts to smile in the middle of him tasting your lips. God, you knew he would only grow cocky with it. As he continues, you can feel your pussy start to form a pool—one you hate to admit is caused by him. You never want to give him the pleasure of relishing his power over you.

But when he readjusts his knee to find its spot in between your legs, your lower body cannot help but move on its own. Your attempt to rub yourself against his clothed thigh is just a pathetic attempt to receive the pleasure you desperately seek. And when he shifts his thigh farther away from the clothed spot between your legs, you let out a whine.

“Ms. Leader,” he giggles after he parts his lips away from yours. “You have to be patient.” His narrow eyes hold yours as he lets his mouth trail down your neck, to your chest, until he reaches the area that is only centimeters away from where you needed him. And when you watch the way his tongue peeks out of his mouth to flick against your nipple, your eyes close in pleasure.

The ministrations continue. He would switch to your other boob just to give it the same amount of attention, but he always made sure that both nubs were stimulated—whether through his sucks or his hands.

Your eyes slowly open in a haze and you attempt to look down at the man who suckled on your chest. And the sight alone is enough to kill you—eyes closed as he is focused on nothing but your pleasure. The air in your lungs is knocked out. God, how did you even hook up with someone like him?

Somehow, he feels your eyes on him. As soon as his eyes flutter open to hold your gaze, he continues. And somehow, the sight is even hotter than before—his lips wrapped around your nipple as he looks right back at you. You do not even find it within yourself to break eye contact.

As soon as his lips leave your boob, he shoots you a smirk. “My sweet Leader, don’t you think this is funny?” His hand trails down to your stomach until it settles on the band of your skirt. When you feel his fingers pry their way under, you notice how they hook on both your skirt and panty. But he never drags them down. “That despite the title you carry around, you definitely don’t hold it when you’re with me—not when we’re alone.” He lets the bands snap against your waist and you let out a hiss at the contact.

“I think I should call you something more fitting, don’t you think?” The question hangs in the air. His hand trails down your skirt until it lands on the hem of it that rests on your lower thigh. “What about…” his fingers slowly slip under your skirt. “My baby?” He tilts his head to the side.

When he is met with silence, he chuckles. “How about my toy? Or what about…” his hands grip your thigh. “My bitch.” And you do not think twice when you let out a mewl. The satisfaction that paints his face is condescending—god, you hate him for it.

“Ms. Leader, I didn’t expect you for the degradation type.” He smiles as he brings his face back up to yours. His hands move up even further until it rests on the inside of your thigh. “But to be fair, I didn’t expect a lot of things from you.” It almost sounds like a diss on your skills in what you do, but you both knew that is not the case. “Just like how I didn’t expect to have you at my mercy that first night.”

When you feel him tug your underwear to the side, you feel the breath in your lungs get knocked out. And when you feel his fingers finally dip themselves in the part where you needed him since you first rang him up, you let out a whine. The way his eyes get wider is only a sign that he did not expect you to be as wet as you are. But his smile still remains as cocky as ever.

“You’re this wet?” He laughs in what sounds like disbelief. “I never knew how much of an effect I had on you.” He gives you another kiss as he lets his fingers leave your sopping cunt.

As you whine at the absence, he cannot help but smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not that mean.” And with a smile, he brings his fingers in the space between you two. The smell of your arousal is intoxicating for him but shameful for you—it is only proof that you are almost nothing without him.

But when you see his eyes look right into you as he shoves them in his mouth, you almost pass out. The sight of him with squinted eyes as he relishes the taste of you is addictive, but the whine that leaves him is everything.

“Oh god,” you whisper as you watch him lick his two fingers one by one. “You need to whine for me more.” The star-struck look on your face makes him smile. It is one he has never seen—he almost cannot believe he caused it.

As soon as his lips hover over your ear, he whispers, “I’ll whine for you if there’ll be a next time.” When he moves his head back to see your expression, it is one filled with anguish.

You do not want another next time—this cannot keep happening. But when you feel his hands finally tug both your skirt and panties down, all reasonable thoughts leave your mind. “Don’t think too much about what we have, Ms. Leader.” He presses his lips against your neck. 

“Sunwoo, we can’t keep doing this,” you mutter as you feel your eyes shut close.

As soon as his hand rests on your exposed slit, he raises you a question, “Why not? I think we’re made for each other.” While he continues to suck on your skin, you can feel yourself pant. “I think that you need me more than I’ll ever need you.”

Before you know it, his fingers make their way into your pussy. And god, the moan you let out is confirmation to Sunwoo—you truly did need him in every way possible. “Ms. Leader, you say that you don’t want this, but the way you react to how I touch you proves otherwise.” He continues to plunge his fingers into you at a rate that provides you with just the right enough stimulation to keep you on the edge.

“How do you expect me to answer when your fingers are fucking me like this?” You manage to say in between breaths. “Do you think you could say no if I put my hands in your pants?” Your condescendingness only makes him laugh.

“I would never stop doing this with you.” His lips leave your neck before moving back to look at you whose eyes are on the verge of closing. “Plus, I would not be so cocky if I were you. I could leave you high and dry.” And when he notices the way you pout and whine at the idea, he chuckles. “But I wouldn’t do that to you.”

His fingers continues to assault your pussy—the rate they were going even faster. And he notices the way your breathing gets heavier. When you finally let your eyes shut close to focus on the pleasure, you let out a string of moans—ones he will only have the pleasure of hearing.

“Ms. Leader, look at how you crumble for me.” His lips find their place on yours. With the way he tugs on your lips as he fingers you unlike anyone else, you mewl in the middle of the kiss. His lips leave yours. “Just admit that you want me.”

When you shake your head with eyes still closed, he chuckles. And somehow, his fingers go at an even faster rate. God, you could feel the coil get tighter. “Oh fuck,” you whine. “Don’t stop.”

And he listens to you—he continues going at that rate. When you feel yourself on the edge, you try to move your hand to reach down for your clit. But he holds your arm in place. “Say you want me.”

Your eyes flutter open as you whine. “S–sunwoo, please. I’m so close, just let me cum.”

“And I’ll let you cum if you say you want me—that this will not be the last time.” His demanding gaze makes your brain go fuzzy. “Just one simple phrase and I’ll give you what you want.”

You wish you still had some rational thoughts in your head. But god, did you need to cum. “A–are you fucking kidding me?”

“I’m serious, Ms. Leader.” His tone sounds even more demanding than how you usually speak. “Don’t you want to cum?” And god, you want to.

His fingers don’t stop, but you still need that stimulation on the nub. Without a thought, you say, “Fuck it, I need you.” Your eyes flutter open and you attempt to move his hand down to rest on your boob. “God, Sunwoo, I need you. Please just let me cum.”

“Say this won’t be the last time.”

“Fuck, it won’t be the last time—I swear. Sunwoo, please I need to cum.” The way you beg makes Sunwoo lose all sense of self-control. And with that, his fingers played with your nipples while he continued to finger you. The combined sensations have your face contorted into pleasure.

And as soon as his thumb finds itself rubbing against your clit, the coil in your stomach gets tighter. “Oh god, Sunwoo.” The way you mewl out his name almost has him breaking right in front of you. 

“God, you are so pathetic.” He chuckles as he moves his mouth back down to your neck. “I can’t believe everyone thinks you’re a leader—you do nothing but follow and beg.” Your pants are heavier. “You fucking need someone to surrender to—me.” The way he sucks on your neck, plays with your boobs, and assaults your pussy is like no other—the feeling cannot beat any achievement you have ever received.

And you feel yourself about to tip over the edge. With the way your walls tighten over his digits, you both knew you were about to cum. Your eyes flutter open as you look at the man whose eyes are zeroed in on your face. “S–sunwoo, I’m—”

“Cum for me.” He repeats that chant as he watches your face contort into different expressions. The pressure in your pussy is getting tighter. “Cum for me, you fucking bitch.” And just like that, the coil in you broke. As you were orgasming, he continued to finger you—letting you it ride out until you started to reach overstimulation territories

When he hears you whine as you attempt to push his hand away, he listens. Your breathing is heavy. And when you get a whiff of your arousal, your eyes flutter open, only to see that his fingers glisten with your release. When your eyes dart toward Sunwoo’s face, you notice his satisfied expression as he moves his three fingers apart to see the strings of your arousal.

“God, you’re so hot,” he says before popping them into his mouth. This time he does not whine, but his expression will always show how much he enjoys the taste of you.

Once his digits leave his mouth, your hands reach out toward the collar of his shirt. But before you can remove the top off of him, you hear your ringtone blast out. “Fuck.” You do not miss the way his expression switches into disappointment. “I’m sorry, I need to take this.” You do not hear him out as you fling your arm to your bedside table to grab your phone. 

You answer the call without looking at the contact. “Hello?”

“Oh, sorry! Is now not a good time?” You hear Yeji’s voice on the other line. As you lock eyes with the man who is starting to button up his shirt, you let out a sigh.

“No, it’s fine. What’s up?”

Yeji lets out a sigh of relief. “We need some hands in fixing the welcoming banners for the exchange students.”

“What happened to the welcoming committee? Didn’t I leave Jisung in charge of that?” You frown as Sunwoo makes his way to your washroom. But when he quickly comes out with a wet towel, you cannot help but smile.

“Unfortunately for us, he is MIA,” she sighs. “That’s what we get for trusting a man to handle this.” The revelation should have made you mad, but when Sunwoo crouches in front of you to wipe off the mess between your legs, you feel yourself melt.

The moment you hiss at the sudden contact of the towel against your sensitive pussy, his eyes snap up toward you in worry. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine!” You quickly exclaim. “I’ll be there in 30. Just make sure to get as much done, I’ll leave you in charge for the time being.”

“Got it.” And with that, you hung up on her.

“Sorry, I forgot that you’re still sensitive,” he says as he lightly wipes off the remnants of cum.

You shake your head and say, “It’s okay.” 

It is silent for a bit. You two usually do not know what to say during these times. As soon as he finishes cleaning you up, you take this as an opportunity to get off the bed and get some fresh clothes from your closet.

“I’m sorry for cutting this short,” you start off as you wear your underwear. “I would’ve told Yeji that I’m busy but they need me on campus to help out.” When you successfully wear your bra, you look at the man who came from the bathroom after washing up the towel.

“It’s fine, Ms. Leader is needed everywhere they go.” There he goes again calling you that.

You roll your eyes as you quickly grab some jeans. “I hate when you call me that.”

“But it’s what everyone calls you.”

A scoff leaves your mouth as you pop the button of your jeans close. “Yeah, but it’s annoying.” The moment you grab onto a clean graphic tee, you quickly put it over yourself. Your eyes land back on Sunwoo who only smirks. “What?”

“You’re going out like that?”

You find yourself frowning before asking, “What’s wrong?”

“I just didn’t know you wanted to present your hickeys to everyone on campus.” The moment he says that has your eyes widening in shock.

You quickly make your way to a mirror to see that your neck is littered with hickeys left by the man who now stands behind you. “Fuck.” As soon as you lock eyes with Sunwoo, you notice the satisfied expression on his face. “Hey, now is not the time to be proud of your work. I can’t go around like this!”

Once you spin around to face him, he only shrugs. “You’ll figure it out.” He grabs onto your arm and pulls you close to him. The moment his lips hover over your ear, he whispers, “I’ll see you for the next one.”

Before you could retort, his lips move to give you a peck on the cheek. You and Sunwoo were never the type to do such actions outside of sex. So when he moves away and sees your expression, he cannot help but chuckle. “Good luck, Ms. Leader.”

And just like that, he made his way out of your room. God, you should have broken this off.

if you enjoyed this, please reblog!

[luckbealincoln]

HIiii I absolutely love BKS! I have been here since day 1 and have fallen in love with it more and more. May I request 62 & 253 please? Basically possessive Din with some degradation

A Little Attention

pairing : din djarin x f!reader

word count : 2.3k

summary : the mandalorian returns from a hunt rather stressed, you know just how to help him out

warnings, etc : smut, established relationship, din djarin consent king, porn with a mere spoonful of plot, dom/sub, dom!din, sub!reader, safe words, sort of pet play??, din calls reader puppy, choking, degradation, humiliation, but also praise, rough rough rough sex, p in v sex, unprotected sex, spanking, use of a belt, makeshift leash, creampie

a/n : i am so so sorry it's taking me so long to get through requests lmao i'm gonna set myself a reasonably goal of one per week and try and stick with that. i hope you enjoy!! this is uhhhh maybe the rowdiest fic i've written so far but also like i loved this request and i had so much fun writing this <3 now it's time for me to sleep so i hope y'all enjoy and have a good night!!

He’s in a mood when he comes back with the bounty. 

He’s always in a mood when it takes more than a week. If the bounties alive they don’t make it known, they aren’t moving when he throws them into the carbonite. Walking in silence as he closes the doors to the Crest before storming off towards the ladder to the cockpit. He doesn’t acknowledge you in the slightest as he stomps right past you.  

You know Grogu’s in his pod up there napping, thankfully Mando notices and quiets his stomping as you feel the ships engine kick on almost immediately, the familiar hum fills the hull as you continue your knitting. 

If he wants to be grumpy, you’ll let him be grumpy. 

When he returns he still doesn’t address you as he slams his weapons down, he doesn’t clean any of his blasters as he hangs them up. He carelessly tosses the several belts he wears to the floor. Once he seems satisfied with his little tantrum he looks down to where you’re sitting on the ground. You continue your work on the sweater you’re making for the little green monster. 

“How long has he been asleep?” He snaps at you which obviously has you frowning. That’s the first thing he says after eight moons apart?

“I missed you too.” You mumble before setting your needles into the basket where you keep your yarns. 

“Don’t do that, I hate it when you do that.”

“So you're the only one who’s allowed to be angry?” You start to stand, leaning against the wall of the ship as you glare at him. 

“I had a long week.” He sounds strained but you have no problem pushing his buttons. You know exactly what to do to get out of this mood. He needs to let off some steam. And he won’t do it unless you get him riled up, it’s just how this goes, once he gets all his pent up aggression out he’ll be back to the Mandalorian you know and love. Although you certainly don’t mind dealing with this side of him for now. 

“So did I. You act like watching the kid isn’t hard. He gets bored after just a few days stuck on the ship and then he starts throwing things around with the magic and it’s all a mess.” You cross your arms as you continue frowning at him. He’s already clenching and unclenching his fist. Good. 

“I didn’t say-.” 

“And then you come back and you act like I’m not even here, like I’m nothing more than a pet to you, to look after when you feel like it and ignore otherwise.” You go to push past you but a gloved hand shoves you back against the ship's wall by the throat. All the air is shoved out of your lungs and his grip loosens the second you’re pinned in place. 

There it is. 

“Color?” His voice has softened around the edges just the tiniest bit. 

You can’t help but grin at him. 

“Green.” The moment you say it his grip tightens again. Your hands come up to claw at his wrist a bit as you gasp. He moves closer until your nose is poking against Beskar. 

“Is this what you wanted? Are you so desperate for my attention that you have to act like a brat the second I return? Maybe you are my pet, you’d probably like it if I kept you as a pet, wouldn’t you?” You’re having a hard time focusing on his words as your vision starts to get blurry around the edges, the natural panic caused by lack of oxygen taking over as you claw more desperately at his wrist. When he releases you, you slump to the floor, he doesn’t give you more than a few seconds to catch your breath before you watch his gloves hit the ground next to you and his fingers tangle themselves in your hair, yanking, your face flushes. “I expect an answer.” 

Fuck, what was the question? Kriff you can’t focus on much as you nod, hoping that’s the answer he wants but you feel another sharp tug. 

“Words.” He forces you to stare up at him. 

“Fuck, yes, sorry.” He seems pleased enough as he drops you back to the floor. 

“Tell me your colors, pet.” He picks up one of his belts, one without any attachments, holding the brown leather strap in his hands. You sit on your ankles as you watch him fold it in half, smacking it against his palm gently before turning back to face you. 

Stars, that tone. When he wants to be in charge there’s no arguing with that deadly serious tone. That’s the sharp tongue of a killer. 

“Green means good, yellow means slow, red means stop.” He drags the bend of the belt across your jaw before withdrawing it so quickly you flinch.

“Good. Now, on all fours, like a good puppy.” His voice remains dominant but now there’s a hint of mockery as you obey. Getting on your hands and knees in front of him. He drags the belt across the length of your dress ridiculously slowly, by the time he reaches your ass you're trembling. 

He crouches down next to you. 

“Scared puppy?” There’s no concern in his tone as he says it. 

Not at all. 

If anything you’re shaking in anticipation of what’s to come. And you won’t give him the satisfaction of a yes. 

“No.” You make sure he sees your smirk but any smugness in your expression is lost when he swings the belt down, a loud snap echos through the hull as it hits your rear. You lurch forward. mouth opening in a silent scream. 

He hums. Happy with your reaction as his free hand reaches down to lift your skirt up, bunching the fabric up on your hips so he can admire the faint red mark already blooming on your ass. 

“How many do you think you’ve earned, pet?” He traces the mark with his fingertips and you instinctively crawl forward a little bit, he grabs the meat of your ass, squeezing, his nails leaving little crescents in your skin. “Stay still. Don’t make me put you on a leash.” 

That certainly isn’t as much of a threat as he makes it seem. 

He of course realizes exactly what you're thinking and his hand slips under the fabric of your underwear, his digits slide through the pool of wetness forming and he laughs as he pulls them away to hold them in front of your face. 

“Is that what you want? A leash?” He brings his fingers to your lips in silent instruction for you to clean them, which you do. Tasting yourself as you lick them clean. “Well, pets don’t just get treats. You have to earn it.” You do your best not to flinch as you feel the belt rest against the skin of your thighs. “How about ten? You take the belt ten times and I'll put you on a leash?” 

It’s a humiliating deal. 

You both know that. 

But the first hit felt so good. And you crave more of the sting that lingers afterwards.

Besides, you’ve let him do worse to you and he’s let you do worse to him and you’ve always enjoyed it so you nod. He removes his fingers from your mouth and ruffles your hair. 

“Good girl.” 

It’s all worth it to hear those words. 

He kneels next to you, one hand on your chest to keep you from falling forward, the other raises the belt again. You hear the crack before you feel the sting. A small yelp leaving your mouth. He gives you no recovery time as he brings it down again. Alternating between the backs of your thighs and your ass.

After seven he’s holding you up with his free hand. Tears stream down your face and you’ve completely soaked through your panties. He sets the belt down and rubs the welts that are forming, trying to soothe a bit of the pain as you whimper. 

“Color?” He asks as he continues to rub circles against your swollen skin. 

“Green.” You murmur as you drop your head so you're staring at the floor. 

“Good girl.” You hear him pick the belt up again and he’s quick with it, he’s never been one to prolong this sort of thing longer than necessary. He brings the belt down three more times in quick succession, one slap on each thigh and one on your ass. You whine, your back arching slightly as your torso drops to the floor. 

As you wipe away the tears falling down your face he begins to gently wrap the belt around your neck, notching it like a collar around your throat so it doesn’t choke you unless he pulls on it. He moves to kneel between your legs as he pulls the belt to bring you back up on your hands. His free hand pulls your panties down to your knees as he kneads the flesh of your ass. Helping to ease the pain that demands your attention. 

“Color?” He asks one more time as you sniffle, composing yourself. 

You certainly haven’t come this far not to get fucked. 

“Green.” When you say it he gently pats your ass. 

“You’ve been such a good girl. Such an obedient little pet. Do you want my mouth or my cock?” He continues kneading your ass and you answer immediately, you’re too worked up to not have him inside you right now. 

“Cock, please.” His hand leaves your rear and you hear the zippers of his flight suit followed by the head of his cock swiping through your folds. 

You’re practically drooling in anticipation but you never feel the stretch, instead he tugs on the belt, you choke a bit and lean back instinctively, impaling yourself on his length. You groan as he sinks just the tip into your dripping cunt. 

“Come on. Take it all on your own like a good little pet.” He growls out and you know exactly what he wants. He’s presented this as a reward but you know he expects you to take it yourself. 

Which you happily do. 

Thankfully he lets you take your time. His hand grips the makeshift leash but he doesn’t rush you as you push your hips back against his. Whining as you rock back and forth, without any prep and over a week without him you aren’t anywhere near ready for him. But his gasps and whispered praises are enough to urge you on as you slowly fuck yourself on his cock. 

“Such a good girl. Kriff. Good girl, taking her reward, look so pretty on my cock, does that feel good?” Even through his groans he manages to sound condescending. 

“S’good Mando.” Your hips stutter all the back, fully taking him with a yelp and he finally tugs on the leash again. 

“What do you say?” He pulls you back completely so you’re flush against his chest, he drops the belt and wraps his arms around your torso to hold you against him. Pushing himself deeper into you. 

“T-thank you.” 

“Good girl. Take your reward.” You can hear his shit eating grin but you eagerly comply, starting to rock yourself up and down against him. His hand trails down your stomach pressing against you roughly, like he’s trying to feel himself inside of you. 

It’s harder in this position but you still manage to ride him, the hand on your stomach moves down to find your clit, there’s nothing gentle about his motions, he’s trying to force your climax out of you as quickly as possible. His fingers draw angry circles over the pearl between your legs making you keen. 

Your thrusts are weak, you’re barely getting an inch off of him as you squirm in his arms. But he must be just as pent up as you are because you recognize the grunts behind the helmet, he’s already close, his own hips starting to rut up into you. 

“Come on, cum on my cock, show me how good you can be for me.” He groans, pinching your clit sending a jolt through your entire body. Everything tenses up as you clamp down on him, your vision goes dark for a moment as your cunt strangles his cock. The only thing keeping you upright is his hands and after a few messy thrusts you feel him finish inside you. 

He holds you against him for a little while, at least until you catch your breath. He hisses as he pulls out of you before his hands find the belt, releasing the clasp and tossing it aside, quickly lifting you up into his arms. 

“Thank you.” He mumbles as he pulls your panties back up your hips. Walking you towards the sleeping cubby. 

“For what?” You rest your head on his chest as he sits you down on the edge of your shared sleeping mattress. 

“For doing that. I’m not an idiot, I know that was for my benefit.” His hands run through your hair, combing through the tangles that he put there. You grin at him.

“Well it’s not entirely for your benefit, you’re in a better mood thanks to me so everyone’s happy.” He hums in response, carefully laying you down onto the bed. 

“I’m gonna go check on the kid, make sure we didn’t wake him.” He stands and you pull a blanket up over you, exhausted. Before he leaves he gives your leg a loving squeeze. “Next time you can put the leash on me if I act like that.” He laughs and you hear him climbing the rungs of the ladder. 

He sounded like he was joking but you can’t help but smile. 

Maybe next time you will.

[buttercupjosh]

White Horse

(Gif credit to @pyotrkochetkov)

Word count: 2,588

Genres: strangers to lovers to exes, angst

Warnings: none

A/N: I’ve had pieces of details of this fic in mind for a while and one night, I just decided to write it all out. This story is based off of the song “White Horse" by Taylor Swift. It is shorter than what I normally write but I decided to challenge myself a bit with a word count limit (my goal was to make it under 3,000 words). It’s not set at a specific moment in time (It’s taking place in a fictional future but you could also say that it’s set in the future and this season. However, the season is still ongoing at the moment and anything can happen or change so don’t hold me to what occurs in the fic and if things do change in real life, I’m not going to update this fic to reflect that). It’s written with a female reader in mind because I’m a female of color but the reader doesn’t specifically have to be a POC or a woman and there’s little dialogue. As always, I’m open to any and all feedback, comments or questions; just put them in my inbox or dm me. Thank you so much in advance for reading, I appreciate it😌

(P.S. I have other stories (linked here) that I have written for other players as well if you want to check it out)

“What was the plan? Absolve your guilt and shake hands?” -Night Shift by Lucy Dacus

By all definitions, Raleigh, North Carolina was not a small town but sometimes it felt like it was. The Triangle had a lot to offer but was a bit of an underrated place; Raleigh wasn’t as bustling and busy like other places in the South but you loved the city you called home. One of the very few things that brought people together there was college sports and Canes hockey. The Carolina Hurricanes were the only professional major league team in town so the team’s likeness was everywhere you looked. Seeing their faces around town, you would have never imagined that you would actually end up dating a player from that team.

You met your hockey-playing boyfriend in an untraditional way. You had worked for UNC Health and being a sponsor of the team, the company hosted a raffle for an employee to win a ticket to represent the company at Canes Bash. You surprisingly won and represented the organization well with your kind and respectful demeanor. That demeanor ended up winning over the heart of Canes forward Andrei Svechnikov. Andrei knew that this event was to spend time with season ticket holders and sponsors to get them to bring in more money for the Carolina Hurricanes Foundation but he was so enamored by you in the brief interaction you had. Throughout the rest of the evening, Andrei was pulled into all different directions around PNC Arena but his eyes kept gazing around the room to try to find you again. Not giving up on his quest to reconnect with you, he ended up writing his phone number on a napkin and giving it to Gracia Skjei to give to you. Before setting out on her journey to look for you in the sea of people, Gracia went into the bathroom and actually ran into you on her way out. She handed you the napkin with Andrei’s number on it; you couldn’t believe that a hockey WAG was casually giving you the phone number of her husband’s teammate and the teammate in question was a star on the team. You were taken aback that your short interaction with Andrei had impacted him so much that he wanted to talk to you more.

You did reach out to Andrei and on a Saturday after a morning skate, you met up for the first time since Canes Bash for smoothies. As expected, that first laidback date of getting to know each other more led to a formal dinner date where you saw a more fancier side of Andrei and it all led up to establishing a loving romantic relationship.

Being with Andrei was like being in the starring role of a box-office smash romance movie. Your relationship with Andrei was almost too perfect in such a way that other people could be jealous of it. Due to Andrei’s status as one of the top Canes players, people knew about your relationship with him and sometimes would stop and ask you for a picture. You had an amazing, loving boyfriend, who was everything you ever dreamed of and more. You lived together in a beautiful shared home and had a small goldendoodle named Charlie. You had an amazing friend group with the other WAGs and got along well with all of Andrei’s friends and family. You got to go on lavish vacations with your handsome partner, who wasn’t afraid to show you off to the world. You had it all and all you needed was a ring to top it all off. Like any other couple, you and Andrei’s relationship did have its challenges and struggles but these disagreements and setbacks didn’t cause your relationship to crumble. The image of living in presumed perfection would soon be broken in the most unexpected way.

————————————————————

The annual Canes’ moms trip was approaching soon and Elena, Andrei’s mom and possibly your future mother-in-law, was coming to support her son. It was going to be her first time at the new home you shared with Andrei; you had spent the whole week trying to get everything in order for her arrival and her subsequent stay for a month after the moms trip. You were excited to get to see and spend time with Elena but that excitement soon shifted.

You knew what time Elena’s flight was supposed to land and the amount of time it would take for Andrei to get home after picking her up from the airport but it seemed like Andrei was running unusually late. On the shared location app on your phone, you could see that Andrei was home from picking up his mother from the airport but you saw that he had been sitting in his car in the garage for over 15 minutes after arriving. Concerned, you went to go check on Andrei and Elena to make sure that they were okay but you accidentally caught him in a heated exchange in Russian with his mother. You didn’t quite understand what he was angrily saying but whatever it was about, it had him on fire. Elena’s eyes gazed over at you and the waterline of her eyes looked like it was filling up with tears. The arguing between mother and son stopped once Andrei noticed you were standing in the doorway. The color on Andrei’s face immediately drained from red with anger to white with fear. He quickly got out of the car, opened his mom’s door, and helped with her luggage. Elena gave you a tearful hug before going up to settle in the guest room. It was odd that she didn’t say anything upon seeing you and the atmosphere of the house was still thick with tension. You asked Andrei about what happened and why he was extremely upset with his mother but he just muttered something under his breath in Russian. He refused to look at you as you questioned him but you could sense that Andrei was frustrated and that something deeper had to be going on. Elena came downstairs to grab some water before giving a cryptic answer to her child’s behavior.

“Andrei, I love you but you know what you have to do. If you really love y/n, you would tell the truth”, Elena said before slipping out of the kitchen with her glass of water.

Andrei bursted into tears after his mother left the kitchen. You had seen Andrei cry before so this wasn’t a new sight for you but you wanted to know what was bothering him. You tried to comfort Andrei but he coldly shut you down and you had thought Elena was going to comfort her son but she did not. You sat in a worried silence for what felt like an eternity and the only sound in the room was Andrei’s heavy breathing from crying. Once Andrei fully stopped crying and rehydrated, you calmly asked him for one last time what was wrong and he took a deep breath before revealing what was causing him so much distress at the moment.

“I’m a dad,” Andrei quietly said, “I have a son back in Russia and I’m sorry that I never told you.”

You couldn’t quite believe the words you fell from the lips that you loved to kiss and felt like you were frozen in time, still trying to process the information that you just received. You were in disbelief and began pacing around the living room as Andrei explained what happened.

The summer before you met, Andrei was still deep in his playboy ways and ended up getting a girl named Lana pregnant back in Russia. Since their relationship was merely a hook-up that resulted in a child being conceived, it was hard for Andrei to believe that he was the father of her child but once Alexei was born, he couldn’t deny the baby boy. Alexei had Andrei’s eyes, the same brown ones that you adored, and dimples in his cheeks, just like his dad. While he was visiting his family during the off-season, Andrei took a paternity test and as everyone expected, he was Alexei’s father. You were in Russia with Andrei when the test was conducted but you didn’t know that was what his doctor’s appointment was for; the day of the test, Elena took you shopping. After the paternity test confirmation, Andrei did meet Alexei once as a baby and he was overcome with emotion to see the reflection of some of his genetic features as he held his small precious son in his large arms.

Andrei was stuck between a rock and a hard place; he had already moved on from his fling with Lana with you and he wasn’t interested in moving Lana and their son to the States so he decided to send them checks monthly to provide for them while they remained in Russia. His family was still involved in his child’s life, spending time with Alexei and keeping Andrei up to date on his son. Andrei didn’t like controversy or drama so if he kept the information about Alexei confidential, he didn’t have to worry as much about it coming to light because it was being managed in the dark. He also expressed that he felt like he wasn’t ready to be a father at that time but he would want to be a father when he’s older. You understood where Andrei was coming from but felt like it was a bit unfair that you got this great life with him while the mother of his son and his child didn’t have that with him. His son was over a year old and he barely knew Andrei in the way that you had known Andrei in the time that you had been dating. Putting a timeline together, you had also concluded that Lana was pregnant when you met Andrei and had given birth by the time you started dating.

Suddenly, a much more painful realization came to light: if Elena had not talked to Andrei about keeping his secret child from you when she came to visit, you realized that Andrei possibly would have never told you about Alexei. You and Andrei did discuss marriage and having children so you knew he was serious about experiencing those things with you and had dreamed of a happy ending together but a future with Andrei didn’t feel right anymore because you could have gotten married and had kids with him and never known a single thing about Alexei. You were right: Andrei never had a set plan in place or moment in time to tell you about his son because he was handling it behind the scenes and that’s all that you needed to know.

How could you ever trust Andrei again if he was able to keep this big of a secret from you? He didn’t have the common courtesy to tell you about his son so what else could he be hiding from you? You honestly believed in Andrei but he let you down and now, you don’t believe a single thing from him going forward. Throughout your relationship, you also had to deal with rumors of Andrei’s alleged cheating and you trusted that he remained faithful to you but now, you weren’t so sure since he just proved that he was so good at keeping secrets from you. You knew that this had occurred before you had gotten together but after this revelation, you realized that you didn’t want to be with Andrei anymore. You thought you truly knew Andrei but it was like the man that you fell in love with turned into a stranger.

You weren’t a princess and this wasn’t a fairytale with a happy ending; Raleigh wasn’t Hollywood so there was no reconciliation plot device or changes to the script to make everything better. Although you loved your job, you were also even more upset because Andrei promised to always provide for you and wanted you to quit working but he was also providing to a part of his family under the table; transparency and honesty were so important to you and all of that was out the window. Maybe you would be more open to staying with him if he had told you sooner instead of dragging you along for over a year without a clue. Andrei had thought that if he could fulfill his role as a father by financially providing for Alexei back home and building a future in the U.S. with you, he would be fine. He also thought you would be more accepting and willing to work things out after finding out the news but he destroyed all your trust in him.

Andrei begged you on his knees for your forgiveness and for you to stay with a puppy dog look, like how Charlie would whenever he wanted treats, but it was too late. The damage was already done and he had to accept that. Andrei was like a knight in shining armor, strutting around on his white horse to save the day but he wasn’t allowed to catch you. In one swift fall, the relationship with the prince in your love story was over. Andrei had to step up to the plate and realize that he couldn’t create an ideal life with someone while keeping huge secrets. Andrei having a secret child was a huge obstacle to overcome and you stepped out of his way so that he could focus on effectively co-parenting with Lana and being a more present father to Alexei; maybe someone else would be stronger enough to be involved with Andrei but that person was not going to be you.

It wasn’t easy to walk away from all that you had with Andrei because you truly did love him. He was a great dog dad to Charlie, his heart was deeply ignited for those that he loved, he was so humble and caring to others, his touch was the most comforting feeling to you, and he always knew how to make you smile. Andrei had the face of an angel and brown eyes that you could easily get lost in but you couldn’t even look at him the same way. You felt so naive and foolish about living in a fantasy with your relationship with Andrei and you should have known better about your presumed picture perfect relationship. A part of you wanted to give him another chance but you felt so betrayed by Andrei and had a difficult time overlooking how he hurt you. You apologized to Andrei and forgave him for keeping such important information from you but you did not want anything else to do with him. This incident made you realize that you deserved better than this and deserve to be with someone who would actually treat you well so you did what was best for you.

In the days since you split from Andrei, Elena and her son went on the moms’ trip and you began packing your things with help from Gracia Skjei and some of the other WAGs. They were going to miss you and you would miss them too but you needed to get out of Raleigh and start fresh somewhere new. As you drove with Charlie as your passenger, you looked up for a brief second and saw the face of a man that you once loved on a billboard. You watched the City of Oaks disappear from your rearview mirror and headed towards whatever awaited you in the rest of this big world.

[despairforme]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

[ Oh man this post got long (and surprisingly serious) fjfjfjffjjf I wrote this 2 days ahead of time because I was so excited about it ahahaha --- I'm wishing you all a wonderful 2024!!!!!

2023 was a year of surprising development for me. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, or if I'm simply moving into a different mindset. I loved this year! It was awesome, and I'm so happy to see that I've written MORE for Nnoitra this year than I did in 2022 ( even though my overall word-count went down from 290 000 to 280 000 ). I can't say I completed many of my goals ( or any of them LOL ). I had lots of goals for 2023, but I was unable to complete them. The past few months, especially, have brought forth big changes in my creative flow and focus.

I've realized that I need to change my priorities, to better fit my new mindset.

Roleplaying is no longer going to be my main focus. In the past, whenever I've wanted to write, I've always focused on finishing drafts, asks ect. I've mostly written on here, since that's what I prefer. Or, rather - what I used to prefer. This is not to say I don't have muse for Nnoitra, because I always feel inspired for him. What's changed are my priorities. I've come to the conclusion that what's important to me is creating stories. Since Nnoitra's story ( main verse ) has become so stagnant, it feels less important to me. I know I can drive the story on, push it forward and thus find it important once more, but - I don't want to do that. I want to create my own, original stories instead. Becoming a professional writer has always been my dream, and that's simply not possible to do when I'm prioritizing rping. Roleplaying is going to have to take the backseat.

--- That being said, I'm absolutely not quitting! I can't imagine myself not writing for Nnoitra, so I'll be writing on here like before, and I'll even try to be more consistent. An enemy of mine in 2023 has been procrastination. One of my goals for 2024 is to conquer this, so that I can be more efficient with my time. I think that by dedicating less time to roleplay, I'll be more efficient when I do sit down and write for my muses. My activity the past few months have been spotty, so I'd love to get into a better flow.

2024 GOALS:

FOCUS ON PERSONAL PROJECTS. I have a lot of them. Two (three?) book projects, two long OC-centered fanfictions.

WRITE FANDOM PROJECTS. I have a lot of ideas for fanfictions, and I want to make the time to write them. Some are long, some are short. Getting feedback on my stories has always been a great feeling, and fanfiction is the best way to get that serotonin.

CHANGE MY WRITING HABITS. My habits are bad. They lead to a ton of procrastination and wasted time. I want to be more structured when it comes to my writing time (and my time in general, but especially my writing time). I want to stick to schedules, word-count goals, page goals ect. Conquering procrastination is going to be key.

CONSISTENT RP POSTING. Even though I won't be focusing on roleplaying, I still intend to do it regularly and get replies and asks out in a more timely manner. I'll probably set off some time in the evening to get replies done, and have some fun on the dash when others are online. I'll try to be consistent across my blogs, not just on Nnoitra.

CREATE THINGS THAT ARE PHYSICAL. I've come to realize that I love things that translate to the real world. Not just words on a screen, or a digital artwork, but things that you can touch. It's why I've absolutely fallen in love with watercolor painting. I'm going to try to print some of my writing work so that I have physical copies. I'm also going to print my art so that I can hold it in real life.

FIND A SHIP FOR NNOITRA. It's been so long since I wrote a ship for him, and I need it back in my life. I've been looking for a ship for him the whole time, but I need to put more effort in, and let him interact with more characters, as well as continue to develop the relationships he does have ( in case one of them turns romantic? ). I'd love for 2024 to be the year Nnoitra falls in love again.

I am SUPER excited for 2024! I love new years and fresh starts, and I feel so incredibly inspired by the changes in my mindset. I feel like I've been stuck for a good while with rping. Don't get me wrong, I've loved every second of it, and I've learnt so much about writing - and met the most amazing people. It's just that it's time for a change. Time for me to create other kinds of stories. I thought that things were aligned for me to write books last year, but I really didn't have the right mindset - but now I do! I'm hyped!! Hope you're ALL going to have the most amazing 2024 guys!! ]

[roosterscockpit]

His Little Girl | Bradley Bradshaw x reader P. 10

click here to see the master list

Babesss! I am so happy you all enjoyed that last part. I really had to channel my inner sad girl to write this part 😫. Thank you so much for continuing to read my story and share it ❤️ I love you all 💕 Happy reading and enjoy! 🥹

A/n: It's finally here, grab your stress balls and tissues... this one is bumpy... You and Bradley are finally going to have your well over due talk. Good luck, babe. 🫣

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Cursing, Crying, Angst, ANGER, drinking, hints of depression, mentions death, one physical encounter (if I missed any please let me know!)

y/n/n: your nick name

Please don't take my work, I will find you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bradley took your hand and led you two to some lounging chairs that were away from the Hard Deck. He wanted to make sure you two were alone and that it was quiet enough for you two to be able to hear one another. He held your hand and kissed it while you sat down. You smiled weakly and watched him get comfortable in the chair next to you. 

He turned to face you. “What’s up y/n/n?” He was smiling. 

“I think it's time to clear the air, Brad.” You put your beer on the table in between you two. You looked down at your hands and started fiddling with your rings. You were really nervous and were also trying to maintain your emotions. 

“Okay.” He sat up and took a sip of his beer then placed it in the sand. He adjusted himself. His elbows resting on his knees as he leaned closer to you. He took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes. 

“Y/n/n, I’m sorry I was late tonight. There was an accident at work today involving Bob and Phoenix. I thought I was going to lose them. I sat at work in the training room waiting for something, anything.” He ducked his head down. “I was so scared. I had to wait for answers. I couldn’t lose a wingman. Nonetheless, two. I couldn’t lose my friends… no my family. They’re all I really have. All of them. Even Hangman, he’s just as important to me as any of them.” He looked back up at you. 

“Brad-” he cut you off.

“No, y/n. Please, I need you to hear me out fully.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t have anyone when I went into the Navy. I was so alone. Not even Mav. He did something in the beginning of my career that hurt me and I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for that. He set back my goals, my aspirations. For what? God, I wish I knew.” He picked up his beer and took another sip. Now he was fiddling with the bottle. “And you… I didn’t have you.” He paused.

You were sad and furious. How could he say that? You could feel your blood boiling, but you let him speak and finish. You needed to hear what he had to say. You still cared for him and wanted to hear his side, but you were beyond upset.

“I know you called and texted me everyday while I was away for the first 2 months. In that time I was just trying to get used to everything. I was really stressed out. I didn’t enjoy my job during that time. I actually kind of hated it. I was out there alone. I didn’t know anyone. I was the new guy that was excluded. It was so hard to adjust. I didn’t want you to worry about how I was feeling.” He sipped his beer and cleared his throat. 

“But then more time started to pass. I couldn’t find myself to reply back because I felt if I just finished it before it started, I wouldn’t drag you along. Y/n, I couldn’t bare to drag you along because if something were to have happen to me and you fell apart because of it… I could never forgive myself. I couldn’t put you through what my mom went through when my dad died. I saw what happened to her and I couldn’t fix it. No matter what I did, I couldn’t help. I remember the hurt I felt. I was so young, I didn’t understand. I always would ask when my dad would come home. I barely even knew him. I couldn’t do that kind of hurt to you. I thought that by doing what I did you would just forget about me. Stop caring. I really need you to see where I am coming from. What would you have done if you were me?” He took another sip and set down his drink.

“I would have rather ripped the bandaid and you just forget about me. I can’t imagine what you went through when I did that. What I put you through, but I truly am sorry. I know there is nothing I can do to make any of it up to you. I can’t even promise you now that I can make it up to you. I’m sure that Maverick told you about this special mission we have to go on in a couple of days. You probably know, y/n…I could possibly never come back.” He leaned forward and placed his hand on your hands. 

“If I don’t come back, I need you to know that I’m sorry and I care for you so much. You’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met. You are literally the girl version of me. You know me in and out, even right now I know you still know me like the back of your hand. You’re the first person I gave everything to. All of me, the authentic me. The raw me. You know a lot more than Mav knows about me.” He took a deep breath, he was shaking. 

“There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. I missed you so damn much. But I ended up hurting you in the worse way possible because I acted like you didn’t exist. All you probably wanted to know was that I was okay. I struggled. There were so many times I just wanted to give in and text you, call you. Anything. Even Phoenix pushed me to, but I told myself I couldn’t because you were probably fine without me.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand.

“But then now here we are, as if fate just magically brought us to randomly see each other. I feel it’s for this specific reason, because of this mission. I feel like maybe I might not come back. This is my first life or death mission, y/n/n. It's been eating me alive. I’m so grateful to be here, top of my class, and given opportunities not very many get to be given. But god, I am so scared. I felt we were put here these past few days so we can have the chance to reconcile one last time.” He paused and you looked at him, you were holding back your emotions. Your heart felt heavy, you were mad, sad, upset, furious, hurting but you held your tongue. 

“I don’t have any doubt about mine and my partners skills to bring us back home…but there is just that lingering ‘if’. I don’t want to be gone and you resent me forever. I want you to remember the good we had. The fun we had. Everything we have. I just wanted you to know my reasoning for it all and that I know I messed up. I want you to know how sorry I am for hurting you.” He was now silent, sniffling here and there. He looked down at your hands. “Please say anything. Even if it's a ‘fuck you Bradshaw’.”

You sat there trying to take in everything. You felt for Bradley. You understood where he was coming from. You were still upset and you didn’t know how start. Your throat felt dry. And you gulped. 

He noticed you lost for words and he handed you his beer. “Have some of the truth bottle to help take off some edge, y/n/n. I don't think the shots were enough.” 

You took the bottle and let out a little chuckle. You took a mouthful of his beer. “Bradley. I just want to start off by saying I’m sorry that this is what you’re going through and what you went through when you left for your deployment. In regard to the mission. I can’t imagine the pressure you’re feeling, but I know you. You’re strong, so skilled and smart. I know you have what it takes to bring yourself and your partners home. You’re all not just that 1% for nothing. I know you’ll do great. You got this.” You grabbed his hands and gave them a squeeze. 

He looked up at you and you cupped his face in your hands. “The Bradley Bradshaw I know, doesn’t think, just do’s.” You brushed his curly hair back and just looked at him. The hurt in his eyes, you couldn’t bare it. You wanted so bad to just forget what you’d been feeling and be there for him. You just wanted to make it all go away so he can smile. But you knew what he wanted from you. You brought your hands back to his. 

“Bradley Nicolas Bradshaw, you broke my damn heart. You hurt me in the worse way possible. I get you felt in that time that it was right the way you went about us, but it wasn’t. You broke me. All I ever wanted to know was if you were okay. If you were fucking alive! You mean so much to me more than you’ll ever know. You know me inside and out. Better than anyone in this world, but you hung me out to dry.” You started to tap your fingers on the back of his hand.

“A call explaining how you felt would have been more than enough. Shit, even a damn text. To tell me your look on everything, what you didn’t want for me and for you. I thought we knew each other well enough and were comfortable enough to do that for one another. To be true to each other. But the way I lost you, was far more unbearable and hurt more than if you’d died. I resented you for so long. I hated you for what you did. It wasn’t fair to me. I thought we cared enough for each other that we would at least spare one another’s feelings. Instead you only thought about yourself and never looked back.” You started to feel tense. The anger in you started to rise, but you kept your composure.

“I felt like I lost everything because Bradley…you did have me. I contacted you everyday, multiple times a day. I was there for you, so don’t you dare fucking say you didn’t have me.” You started to cry. 

“You fucking had me from the start, but I didn’t have you. I felt like I lost everything. You were who I counted on and trusted with my life. You were all I really had. Then you took that all away from me. You couldn’t even do me the courtesy of telling me when you got back. Nonetheless, try to even see me. We live in the same city 20 fucking minutes away from each other for god knows how long. Phoenix told me about how you bought the house to be closer to me.” Your voice became more stern as you cried. 

“You kept my number and never once just swallowed your pride and called me. Who does that? And what would I have done if I were in your spot? I would have been an adult and called you to tell you how I felt about everything.” You pulled his hands close into you. “But sitting here now telling you how I feel, it doesn’t feel better. It just hurts because saying it all out loud shows me you didn’t think once about my feelings. I want to be okay. I want to have my best friend back. I miss you so much. Life has not been the same without you. We have missed so many of each others milestones. And for what? We are both still here. I forgive you Bradley. I forgave you a long time ago, but I still have every right to be hurt.”

You sniffled trying to catch your breath you released your hands from his and stood up, “And whatever happened between you and Maverick… Bradley he’s like your dad. He got you through college, helped your mom everyday to raise you. He was always there for you. Trying to be the dad you deserved. He was your dad’s best friend. He’s family, Brad. He loves you so much, you need to forgive him too. You have your career now. Maybe he did what he did for a reason. Don’t think only about yourself for once. Reconcile with him. He is your family, just like I am.” 

He was now looking at you with tears welling up in his inner corner of his eyes. He sat there in silence. He stood up and stood in front of you and cupped your cheeks in his hands. “That truth bottle really gave the truth.” He smiled a little bit still apparently choked up. 

You pushed his hands off of your face. “Bradley. I’m trying to be serious. You’re so stupid. But I care for you so much.” You cried. “I always have and I shouldn’t.”

“Y/n, please-” he tried to talk but you cut him off this time. You were getting very upset.

“No Bradley. And is what you told Phoenix true? What you told all of them?” Tears were forming in your eyes from frustration. 

He looked at you with furrowed brows, “What did I tell them?” 

You shook your head, “Phoenix said you talked about me all the time when you guys met at Top Gun.” You cocked your head at him while he was thinking. “Did you even mean anything you said?” You said in a whisper.

He nodded, “Yes. I talked about you all the time. I love talking about you. You were the first person to show your whole self to me and not be ashamed of it. I was so infatuated with you, y/n.”

“So you're not anymore? You don't think about me like that?”

He sighed deeply, “Y/n, I am. I still think you are the greatest thing in the world. That you’re so unique and a rare find. You’re so beautiful, kind, loving, caring, devoted, ambitious… I can go on forever. You’re so great, no. You’re beyond great. You’re perfect to me.” 

A tear rolled down your cheek, “Then why didn’t you say anything to me, Bradley? Don’t you care about me?”

He wiped the tear from your cheek, “Of course I do, y/n. I care for you more than anyone in the world.”

You yelled at him out of frustration, “Then why didn’t you say anything to me before!? Why are you finally doing it now?” You were shaking.

He grabbed you and pulled you in for a hug, “Because my job isn’t like anything else. One day I could be here with you and the next I can be gone. I can’t put you through that. I can’t hurt you more.”

You pushed him off keeping your elevated tone, “But you did! You were here and then you were GONE! It hurts more knowing you were alive and did this! What if we never crossed paths yesterday? You still would never contact me?”

He looked at the floor silent. The silence was killing you, “Say something, Bradshaw.” You were stern.

He looked up at you, “I’m sorry y/n. I never thought of it that way…” 

“Because you only think of yourself, Bradley.” You exhaled deeply. 

“You’re right, y/n. I did. I thought it was right at the time and it wasn’t. Please. I am sorry. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” He grabbed your hands, “I want you to be in my life, but I am scared. I can’t promise you that I’ll come home everyday. That I will always be here when you need me. I can’t give you that, y/n! You deserve someone that will be! You deserve to be happy and have a boyfriend, husband, father of your children, that will be there all the time.” 

You took your hands from him again and snapped, “Don’t you think I should make that decision for myself? You’re not even going to give me a chance?”

He stepped closer and towered over you while returning the volume of voice, “No! I’m making it for you, y/n. I can’t be it for you! I can’t be that for you! I can’t give you what you need from a loving partner! I can’t promise you anything!”

You stepped closer and looked up at him as he towered over you, “I don’t need you to promise me anything, Bradley!” You sighed, “I just want to live in the moment with you. Be there when you need me. I just want you back in my life, Brad. I know what comes with this job and you didn’t even give me a chance to show you I understand. I know where you’re coming from.”

He ducked his head down and started to cry, “I can’t hurt you anymore, y/n. I know if something happened to me, you would fall apart. You love and care so much. I…I-”

You sniffled and took a step closer to him. You placed your hand on his chest and in the softest and sweetest tone you whispered, “I love you more than anything, Bradley Nicolas Bradshaw.”

His body became relaxed. He was now just looking at you lost for words. He blinked a couple of times. Then he closed his eyes tight, gulped and dropped his head down. You lightly brought your hand from his chest to his shoulder and down his arm. You held onto his hand and brought his knuckles to your lips. You kissed them gently and let them go. 

You adjusted your dress and walked away from him walking towards the water. You took your heals off and walked up the shoreline. You let the water hit your feet and you just stood there fiddling with your necklace. You were looking out into the horizon just trying to focus on your breathing. You felt a hand on your lower back you turned around, but to see Penny. You looked around and no sign of Bradley. Your heart sank deeper than it already was. 

Penny: “Honey, why don’t you come in? We are about to close and it's cold out here.” She said concerned for you.

You sobbed, and she took you into her embrace and patted your hair. “It’s going to be okay sweetie. I promise. Give Rooster some time.”

You wiped your tears, “How much more can I give him? I’ve given him so much and here I continue to give it to him.” 

She walked up with you to the bar. You went and sat at the barstool. Just looking at the water droplets that were left behind from the beer bottles that once occupied that spot. You were beyond hurt. I knew I shouldn’t have told him I loved him… Your heart ached. So much for wanting to reconcile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have no words, I just wanna cuddle up in a ball and cry. And just like that he has disappeared. How do you feel about your talk? Was it what you needed from him? I feel like I left with more hurt, sis. I guess it's just time to let go... 😩 I'll see you in the next part my loves, hold on tight 🥺❤️ xo

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[thecoramaria]

Hello!

Thank you so much for your blog, it's helped me a lot in writing my fics. It's definitely one of the best fic writing resources out there.

Onto my question: do you have any advice on how to write more quickly + not hate everything I write?

I do writing sprints a lot of the time but I can't help but feel as if my writing has gotten worse, and I feel guilty cutting down my work because I struggle to meet the daily word count goal I have for myself (600 words a day).

I'm about a quarter of the way through my longfic, and I feel like I've just gotten worse and worse at writing. I still love the story, but my writing feels clunkier and flows less smoothly.

Thank you!

I'm glad you're enjoying the channel! It's getting late where I am rn but sleepy Cora is gonna try to answer your ask anyway.

First of all, I'd just like to say that 600 words a day is a lot! (And so is being a whole quarter through your story btw.) While I have won NaNoWriMo a few times (a challenge that involves writing 50k+ words in a month) it's definitely not sustainable for me. Recently, I've struggled to just average more than 300 words in a day. Unfortunately I'm still coming to terms with my chronic pain and the limits it places on my ability to write fic. 600 words a day on average is just... not possible for me.

However, something I have been doing lately is to learn what my current capacity is, which seems to be 300 words a day on average. Note: on average! A lot of days, I don't even write that much, but some days I make up for it by writing a lot. As I say in this short, good writing goals are like persistence hunting. You might find yourself more motivated if you set monthly or quarterly word count goals rather than daily ones. Then it's not a big deal if you write very little or not at all on some days, since you'll still have plenty of time to catch up.

(Also if you tell a non-writer that you wrote like 300 words in a day, they'll probably be impressed!)

So TL;DR: focus on learning what your capacity is, and then set your writing goals around that. Also focus on writing goals that cover a longer period than a day to allow wiggle room for your erratic progress.

Now, onto writing sprints.

I have the flavour of autism that gives me a processing speed deficiency, meaning that it takes me longer to Do Things than the average (usually allistic) person. This means that I'm a slow drafter, but also a more methodical, intentional one.

This means that writing sprints aren't all that helpful to me. I need to ponder every sentence and detail as I write it, because I already figured out the plot points and character arcs in my outline. "Just get the story down in the first draft" doesn't work for me because I already did that. In a highly detailed outline.

So writing sprints may be what's causing you to feel like your writing is getting worse. There are two perspectives on this:

First drafts are supposed to be bad, and writing sprints are supposed to just help you get them done so you can fix them later. If you were previously a slow, methodical drafter, then switching to a strategy that focuses on quantity over quality is going to make for rougher drafts, and thus make you feel like your writing is worse. That's okay though, because you can edit a rough draft. You can't edit a blank page.

Writing sprints are sabotaging the quality of your drafts, so instead, you can ditch them and focus on the slow-and-steady drafting approach. It'll make for less editing time in the long run, and you'll feel more confident in your writing ability if you take a quality-first approach.

But wait! I have a secret third option! One that may not be to do with writing sprints at all!

Could it be that the reason why your writing feels worse... is that your current WIP happens to be challenging you in new ways?

The reason why I bring this up is because this is something I've encountered recently while editing my current WIP. For context, it's the second book in a trilogy, and the first book didn't require nearly as much structural editing and rewriting, so what's changed? Why are my drafts for Book 2 so much worse than Book 1?

It's because Book 1 relied on the Stations of Canon, (warning that this article mentions 'Harry Potter' if you'd rather avoid that) while Book 2 breaks away from them.

Basically, I built my fic around a plot formula from canon that was already proven to be effective, but now, I'm having to build the plot from near scratch. It's like learning to build a house where the scaffolding and measurements are all done for you vs having to do all that yourself. Of course my writing feels worse! I'm learning an entirely new storytelling skill. There's going to be plenty of mistakes along the way.

However, I'm making peace with my first drafts for Book 2 being "worse", because I'm learning just how crucial and transformative editing can be. Taking on these new challenges means that I'm noticing weak spots that were previously invisible to me, and what is a weak spot but opportunities to improve my craft?

I'm a big believer that if you feel like your writing is bad or getting worse, instead of stewing in the insecurity, you should instead investigate why. Why is your writing clunkier or flowing less smoothly than it used to? Is it that you use redundant phrasing and tautology? Do you take 20 words to say something that could just as easily be said in 10? Vague feelings about the quality of your writing is what allows insecurity to fester. Actually knowing what the issue is makes that much harder, because now you have a concrete problem to solve. I do have a partial draft for a video that goes into that more, so if anyone wants to see me complete and film it, let me know!

Thanks for the ask, Nonny, and I hope this helps~!

[grapenehifics]

20 Question Fic Writer Tag

Hell yeah I'll play. Thanks @palfriendpatine66 :D

How many works do you have on ao3?

AO3 says ten, but one of those is a series continuation of another one, so I count it as nine...although tomorrow that will go up by one, after the reveals for the Ghost Window challenge go out.

2.) What's your ao3 word count? 

Oh god. 690,376. I honestly think I was happier not knowing that fact about myself.

3.) What fandoms do you write for? 

I don't multitask well. I can write Star Wars fics or I can write Star Wars fics. I haven't even ventured outside the Clone Wars era yet.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Some Technical Difficulties - big gap - Solsbury Hill - An Uncivil War - medium-sized gap - An Unlikely Duo - another gap-ish - Down by the Seaside.

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yep. I like it when authors reply to me when I leave a comment, so I try to pay it forward. Also sometimes we get into fun little side chats.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

At the moment, not one single damn one of them. They have angst in them, but none of them end on angst. However as of about twenty-four hours from now, my answer will be, Ghost Window AU.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Literally all of them. I'm happy to read angst, but when it comes to writing I am firmly in the happy endings camp.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I had some people tell me they were dropping out of Solsbury Hill because it wasn't getting to the Obikin fast enough, but I wouldn't call that hate. So, no.

(Side note, though: you don't have to tell authors that. Just delete your subscription quietly.)

But, I am also very ready to delete any and all negative comments. This is my fun side project; good vibes only.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

...pretty vanilla kind, honestly. Again, I read much more adventurously than I write. (Although, as recently as two years ago I would have said I don't write smut at all, so hit me up two years from now and maybe I'll be writing hardcore d/s, I don't know.)

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

By the strict definition, no. If you're talking 'dump Star Wars characters into settings of other movies', then hell yeah, that's kind of my jam right now. Down by the Seaside is Obikin Overboard. Next year I'm planning to publish Obikin Jurassic Park, Obikin Parent Trap, and Obikin Princess Diaries II. And I have a couple more on my to-do list.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Is this a thing I need to worry about?? Shit.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

@kittonafoxgirl did a podfic of Some Technical Difficulties and it is still like one of the top five most rad things that has ever happened to me; does that count?

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No but @fulcrum843 are currently mulling something over...

I do get a lot of help with my writing though. @piecesofeden11 basically wrote all the DnD stuff in An Unlikely Duo. I talk stuff out on Tumblr with folks all the time before I actually sit down to write it (or during, lol).

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have no plans to write anything other than Obikin, and there's so much new good fic that it takes up most of my reading time as well.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I wouldn't call it a WIP because there are no words on a page but I love the *idea* of a fic based on Jenn Barkley from Parks & Rec but have no idea what direction to take it and may never get to it. (If anyone wants to take this idea and run with it please do; it is very much up for grabs!)

16.) What are your writing strengths?

This is a weird thing to answer about myself but I hope I write with a sense of movement, propulsion, even a little suspense - as a reader I love to feel that I have to turn the page, I have to see what comes next, I don't want to put this fic/book down - and I try to work towards that goal in my own writing.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting bogged down in details. It drives me crazy in movies when characters have these huge mansions but seemingly never go to work and somehow this has translated into me being incapable of just writing a smutty one-shot or whatever because what is everyone's job and how much is their mortgage payment and do they get paid on Fridays or Mondays and how many bedrooms does that apartment have.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

See answer above about over-complicating things: I came up with this whole system for An Uncivil War for whether I'm writing out the dialogue in a language other than Basic (I feel like we really only have enough information for me to be able to do this in Huttese and Mando'a, and even then only short conversations in certain subjects), or simply noting that a character is saying something in another language ("he said in Ryl" or whatever), or mixing Basic and a word/words in another language within the same sentence. It was important to me to capture that multilingualism, but it's also a lot of work, ngl.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Johnlock but I never finished/published anything.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

I love all my babies equally, she lied.

It's the Can't Stop the Suns series, which is An Uncivil War, Pick Up the Pieces (more than halfway completed), and Sometimes Fate Steps In (loosely outlined). Sometimes I'll just look over my notes and get giddy about how much good stuff I'm packing in there and how much *more* good stuff I haven't even gotten to yet. I'm throwing the kitchen sink of stuff I love at it. Even if the final version doesn't quite live up to the vision I see in my head (it rarely does), as long as I get close I'll be happy.

I tag @piecesofeden11, @underacalicosky, @fulcrum843, and, as usual, anyone else who feels up for it!

[conkers-thecosy]

Congrats on reaching your yearly writing goal a month early! Your writing goal updates have been both encouraging and inspiring, and I was wondering if you had any tips or advice for documenting your writing progress?

I’ve never done it before, but with the new year coming around, I’ve been considering actually keeping track of my writing progress.

I hope my wording makes sense, and congrats again on meeting your goal! I love reading your work, and can’t wait to read more!

-Wolfsbane and Nettles

Hullo! 💛

Thank you so much for the congrats, and for the ask, too! Honestly I'm so pleased if I've done anything even remotely encouraging for you, I think it's so important in a community to help boost each other up and it makes me so happy to think I've been able to do that, even a teeny bit!

As far as advice goes, I think probably the best thing I can say is that there's nothing wrong with setting yourself low and/or achievable goals! I currently have a weekly word count goal of 2k words. Anyone who can maths will see that 52 weeks at 2k words does not add up to 200k, haha!

The reality is that originally my word count goal for the year was much lower, because I didn't want to pressure myself. Originally my weekly goal was only 1k words, and I didn't have a yearly goal at all, because I didn't think I would be able to maintain it for the year! As things went along, however, and I started to gain habits and momentum, I put my goal up to reflect this. After a month or so, I realised I'd put it up too high, and I lowered it again to 2k words a week.

Now, I did find that I was writing more than 2k words a week the majority of the time, but not always. We all have bad weeks, and I hadn't taken that into account at all! So, giving myself a lower weekly target helped keep me positive, gave me some wiggle room, and meant that I had that feeling of achievement every week when I crossed the finish line and continued to write even more!

I think it can be easy to put too much pressure on ourselves, which is why I'd encourage you to be kind, and really think about what you want the bare minimum to be. If you do more, that's wonderful! But, if you don't, you won't feel bad about it 😊

I really hope this helps you, and that it makes some kind of sense - I apologise if it's a bit waffly, haha!

tl;dr - Be kind to yourself, and set yourself achievable targets!

Thank you again for the ask! And good luck with your goals!!

Conkers 🌰

[ginnyw-potter]

A recap of 2023

so this is the year I wrote. I wrote more than I have ever done and so I thought it would be nice to look back on 2023 and look a little further back as well.

I used to write fanfic, I think I started about 14 years ago. I am not a native speaker and my English definitely needed some work then. I also have so many qualms about my old writing (I apparently hadn't found out about paragraphs yet), but we all have to start writing somewhere.

I stopped writing little by little, feeling burned out and completely stopped in 2018 (for various reasons). I don't think I wrote anything at all in 2019 or very little. In 2020 I dipped my toes in again with a few oneshots.

End of 2021 is when I started writing again and finally came back to writing Harry Potter fanfic. I started out with a longfic of 70K words! It was a struggle and I think it's like a muscle that wasn't being used. A Guiding Light is the fic that got me back in and I posted it throughout 2022.

And then I started two new fics because I was inspired again. I started posting those at the end of 2022/start of 2023. Knight of Mine and Peverell's Progeny have both surpassed the word count of Guiding Light with ease. It was never my purpose to get to a certain word count, and it is not what I focus on, but going from nearly 0 words in 2020 and slowly increasing, it's amazing to see myself putting out so many words.

And as well this year I focused less on what things I think people want to read and got a little more self-indulgent and it is so rewarding. It really makes me enjoy writing it even more.

My mental health has been shit before and it really took a nose dive in 2018, but this year I finally started feeling like myself again. My anxiety has gotten so much better and in turn I have been sick way less (although I did knock it out of the park at the start of the year with about 5 weeks of various illnesses) so I feel like I can enjoy life more in general. I am not sure if my writing helped me get there or if I am writing more because I am feeling better. All in all, I think writing has been helping me get through various things and it is one of the only things I enjoy doing consistently.

I haven't kept exact track of how much I wrote in the last year but based on my AO3 statistics as they are today (26th of Dec), I think it's safe to say that 2023 has surpassed all the others before.

You can see the majority of what I wrote, 414K of a total 541K, has been posted in the last year. It's crazy to think about. A lot of people found my writing as well this year and it's been so amazing getting that feedback ...as well as crazy paternity guesses with emojis, begging me for horse smut (that is still a no-you know who you are) and bribing me to update early... they really do make my day and some of you are too funny for your own good.

Looking ahead a little, I want to see what else I can achieve in the upcoming year. I am not setting any specific goals for myself other than continuing to work on my ongoing fics and not starting too many new ones (*pushes Pirate AU back under the bed*) Buut I am curious how much writing I actually get up to and so I made myself a little tracker.

Bullet journaling is the only other hobby aside from writing that I seem to be able to do consistently. I just kind of fell out of it in the summer of 2022 and finally picked it back up again for 2024. I think when I wasn't writing, it was a good different outlet for me and I still enjoy it. It simply slipped out of my habits, especially when I moved out on my own last year and I was too focused on keeping up with chores and other stuff. Now I am a little more organised, so I do hope to keep it up. It will also force me to do something else than writing once in a while, which is probably healthy for me.

This tracker looks a little chaotic, I know, but i wanted to get everything on one page. Maybe next year I can tell you exactly how much I wrote.

And word counts are nice but I think improving is also important and I do feel like I have managed to learn a lot of things this year and I will continue to do so in the coming year. I take great inspiration from other people's writing. I always get inspired when I read an especially good fic (which often ends up with me starting a new WIP, send help) and I discover new ways to put in descriptions or how to phrase something a certain way. And talking to other fic writers on here, or discord, is also where I learn a lot. A ton of you are so talented and it is such a joy to be able to discuss things, pick your brains and get feedback. Sometimes I just learn things by reading along to someone else's discussion. Sometimes you find answers to questions you didn't know to ask!

I also want to thank my beta readers, who have read so many words this year. They are so FAST and then apologise for being slow. I cherish them so much.

If you read up to this point, thank you! If you've read a fic of mine this year, thank you as well. If you left me kudos or comments, recced me... you get a little kiss on the forehead.

If you have achievements of your own this year that you are proud of, do share them! (Reblog or send me an ask, I want to hear about it!) Let's celebrate all the work you put in!

[badpostureart]

Cannonball!

Sometime during the creation period, I looked through the Make a Splash! prompts on AO3 to see what kinds of stories I’d have to look forward to. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on who you ask), one stuck out to me: what happened in Budapest after Rin and Haru met at the railway crossing. It was something I wondered, too. I even used @thenightpool 's “missing scene” prompt as an excuse to draw Rin asking Haru out in the form of a short comic back in May. After two consecutive nights of staying up way too late typing what would hypothetically happen in a not entirely hypothetical fanfiction where Haru gives Rin an answer, I said, "fuck it, I’ll take the prompt, and if I chickened out, so what?"

I’ve never written fanfiction before. Sure, I’ve done my fair share of daydreaming about how imaginary scenarios may play out between characters, (they’re great as bedtime stories to tell myself as well!), but I’ve never tried to write any of them down. Maybe it was because I had already mulled it over so many times in my head (giving me particular beats in the story that I knew I wanted to hit), but I found the writing process surprisingly smooth. I had no set goal for a word count or anything, and I probably could’ve ended the story at a couple of earlier points, but…ah, I was having too much fun! 6k words seems like a lot, but it certainly went by quick for me!

I didn’t expect to enjoy writing this as much as I did! Granted, I did struggle trying to find the words to describe scenes involving, y’know…physical intimacy. (Even writing about writing about it makes me feel so clumsy!) There were times I had to give myself a proverbial kick in the ass and just go for it. The story isn’t even explicit, and there I was feeling shy about it!

Anyway, if you give it a read, know that I appreciate it very much. Thank you to @museaway for the prompt! It couldn’t have been, but it felt like it was made for me!

P.S. If you know me in real life, no you don’t. <3

[finishwhatyoustarted-event]

Tools Tuesday - Motivation to Start, and Setting Goals

It's the first Tuesday of the event, so it's time for a Tools Tuesday! Today is about motivation to start and setting easy goals to keep the momentum going. I'll alternate themes of resources and motivation throughout the event.

Starting a project can be the scariest part. Good news! If you're participating in this event, you've already completed that step! But finishing is daunting, especially for long projects with no end in sight, or ones that you've struggling with for a long time.

When you have a big project, especially one that you may have started and put down years ago, it can be intimidating to pick it back up. Give yourself a few minutes to review what you already have done. Read through the last part you wrote, read your notes, check the pattern, etc. If you need to, make notes about what you have, where you remember you wanted to go, and what is inspiring you now. That scene you got stuck on might make sense now, or you see another angle you could draw that tricky pose from. You could even go in a whole new direction.

When you're ready to work, it can help to do some warmup stretches, especially for artists and sewers, but writers, musicians, and others craftspeople benefit from a good warmup stretch too! If you're on the discord, check the general resources channel for wrist stretches. And stretch during breaks! This is a stretch guide I keep on my phone, to remind me to loosen up. made by @/tizzymcwizzy

If it's not distracting, set the mood for your work with an applicable playlist or soundscape. Make sure you won't be interrupted or distracted during your work time by silencing notifications and minimizing other windows. Let yourself focus on this one thing.

When you do start, set a small goal. It can be word count based or time based, whatever makes sense for your project. Make it very achievable: maybe just five minutes or 100 words. The thrill of reaching that goal can help carry you through another 5 minutes, another 100 words. If you struggle just to get through that goal, congratulate yourself on making your session goal! You can go do something else now. Decreasing the pressure on yourself can help get creative energy flowing.When you make your goal consistently, you can up it, but not too much.

There's a famous anecdote that whenever author Terry Pratchet sat down to write, he set a goal of 400 words. Whether he wrote more or not, he did his 400. By the time of his death, Terry Pratchet had written and published over 40 novels. For myself, I like to set session/day goals, weekly goals, and monthly goals. That way even if my progress isn't linear, I can see myself approaching where I want to be. Incremental goals can feel really good! But if holding yourself to a number doesn't help, find what does.

If you want help from others also working on wips, come join the discord! We have a space for accountability buddies to help keep you on track and a place to write during timed sprints, as well as many resources. This link should not expire!

These all might feel obvious to you, but maybe someone else hasn't considered them before. What gets you motivated to work on your wip? Do you have any tricks that always work for you? Share them with your fellow participants here!

[nanowrimo]

Pro Tips from a NaNo Coach: Getting Through the Muddy Middle of Your Novel

NaNoWriMo can seem like a daunting task sometimes, for NaNo newbies and veterans alike. Fortunately, our NaNo Coaches are here to help guide you through November! Today, author Peng Shepherd is here to share her advice on how to set yourself up for noveling success:

Welcome to the middle stretch of the NaNoWriMo challenge! Whether this is your first NaNoWriMo or you’re a seasoned, ink-stained veteran, and whether you started strong right out of the gate or it took you a little bit of time to warm up, we’re well on our way with this journey now—and reality might be starting to set in. 

Beginnings are the easiest part of a novel, I’ve always thought. It’s just you and the blank page and your excitement. Anything is possible! You can do whatever you want! It’s easy to lay down words in a frenzy because you’re building from nothing, so nothing has to make sense, nothing has to pay off, yet. You’re just trying to get from “zero” to “something” as fast as you can. 

And then eventually, far in the future, the ending of the novel will come. And at that moment, even if you’re exhausted, you’ll have so much momentum and you’ll know your characters and story so well that you’ll be hurtling toward that finish line—possibly even faster than when you started the story, full of inspiration and still unsinged by the first flames of burnout.

It’s the middles the are the hardest.

Those meandering, saggy, slow middles.

The problem with middles is that by this point in the manuscript, your draft actually might be starting to look like a book-shaped thing. And while this is great in terms of progress, it’s also really tough in terms of morale. Because for the first time, there’s finally enough material that you can see how messy, confusing, and seemingly unsalvageable what you already have is… and also how much farther you still have to go. 

Then, life gets in the way. You miss a day or two, and fall behind on word count. A work emergency happens, or your laptop goes on the fritz. Friends need help, you realize you have to delete ten pages, then the roof starts leaking. And your plot still doesn’t make any sense, your characters won’t behave, and you have no idea how to fix any of it. You’re lost, you’re exhausted, and you’re still nowhere near the finish line—how did you think you were ever going to write something as gigantic as entire novel? It’s impossible!

There’s a little piece of advice I give myself at overwhelming moments like these:

When the goal or the pressure feels too big, go small. Really small.

A book is a huge thing. It’s way too big to hold in your head like that! Trying to face a goal of that size every single day you sit down can crush you.

So, don’t think about the whole picture. I like to tell myself, I’m not writing a book today. Or, I’m not writing a first draft today. Or even, I’m not writing a chapter today. Instead, I tell myself, I’m just writing this next scene, or, I’m just changing her location from Chicago to San Francisco. 

Or, in this case, I’m just writing 1,667 words today (or whatever your session goal is).

This advice helps me remember that I indeed do not have to write the entire book in one day. I just have to write a single scene, or fix a single thing. I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. And I’ll worry about whether the draft any good or not, or how to revise it, even later than that.

So, if you’ve been struggling lately or feeling crushed under the weight of your goal, I invite you to try this tactic. Right now, or after work, or later tonight, find a few minutes and open up that laptop or notebook. Don’t reread what you wrote last time and start tinkering to make it better, don’t review your outline to confirm things are still making sense, don’t take stock of your progress to see how much you have left. Don’t think about the rest of the manuscript and how it all has to connect. Just think about the part that’s right in front of you. The scene that you’re in right now.

Remember, you’re not writing a whole book today. You’re not writing a whole chapter today, even. 

You’re just writing this one small scene.

Now, onward! Because the only way out of a middle is through it.

Peng Shepherd was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona, and has lived in Beijing, Kuala Lumpur, London, New York, and Mexico City. Her second novel, The Cartographers, became a national bestseller, was named a Best Book of March by The Washington Post, and received a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts. Her debut, The Book of M, won the Neukom Institute for Literary Arts Award, and was chosen as a best book of the year by Amazon, Elle, Refinery29, and The Verge, as well as a best book of the summer by the Today show and NPR’s On Point.

[shibaraki]

Hiiiii, question.

How do you write 18k words in 3 days?? Askingg because I need tips! Did you build up the ability to write that much in little time? Im trying to get more into writing long fics but right now its looking like 1k + words a day😭 .. like how do u do it?

ehhh this is a bit of a toughy. yes, pacing and word count is something you can build up overtime, and not long ago I would struggle to reach 10k myself !! but regarding the 18k in three days I’m afraid that’s just a stroke of inspiration on my part lol. it is not a sustainable way to write at all. I wasn’t well and I did not sleep a wink. it helped that I already had the old outline there to work with (and prior research) but I won’t be able to do that every time I write.

you’re doing fine with 1k a day my friend—hell, lately I can’t even manage 1k a day. but 1k every day for two weeks is still 14k. the time it took you doesn’t make it more or less valuable. the main thing is to just keep writing when you can. set goals for yourself, plot out scenes and dialogue beforehand, or pants it if that works best for you. I know it’s difficult and it can be disheartening if there isn’t immediate improvement but like any skill you will get better with practice 🫶🏻 wishing you luck!

edit: here’s a post you may find helpful!