#I feel like a failure and a burden | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whimsyprinx · 1 year

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idk how to explain to people that like I’m trying my best to see the point in life and be optimistic and like hopeful but literally there isn’t anything to base hope and optimism on

#whimsy whispers #I feel like a failure and a burden #I feel so entirely unwanted and like I’m just invading peoples lives and like I’ve said before at any moment my life can fall apart and #there isn’t anything i can do about it #I can’t afford to do anything at the moment i can’t even get a job and even when I do like yes things will improve #but life outside of that won’t me getting a job won’t make the economy less shitty it won’t make where I live less suffocating and terrible #it won’t make me feel less isolated #just #I don’t mean to be so depressing and seem like idk #I don’t mean to burden people with how I feel #I just don’t want to exits I don’t want to be alive I have nothing and no one to exist for but i also can’t even stop existing #I have to exist I have to keep being miserable with the stupid hopes that things could get better when they’re not going to #it’s not for a lack of trying it just is getting harder and harder no matter what I do #ugh I made myself start crying

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liesmultixxx · 7 months

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i’m a lot of things

but one thing i’ll never be is enough

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miraitenshi · 6 months

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Dropped out of uni and thought I’d be happy but I just feel like a failure….i wanna go back to studying but I know my mental state is not ready for that rn. I just want to be successful and stop feeling numb all the time…

Seeing my friends thrive and be close to graduating makes me wanna just cry, I’m proud of them but I’m also so jealous that I can’t have what they do. Their parents are proud of them and everything is going so well for everyone around me, meanwhile my parents just being mad at me for dropping out & thinking I’m not mentally ill just saying I’m making it all up cuz I don’t wanna work hard….😭😓

#bpd thoughts #bpd vent #jiraiblogging #landmineblr #jiraiblr #jirai girl #actually bpd #I hope I’m not a burden #feeling like a failure #will I ever have a normal life #I’m just so tired

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blushy-tigerrr · 2 months

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vent in tags sorry

cw: mention of loss

#adding a long note to the beginning so no one sees the actual vent in the case that they don’t want to which is absolutely okay #okay that’s probably good #i feel like a failure today.#my car wouldn’t start on friday and i haven’t had a moment to actually call a mechanic until today #called early in the morning and he said he’d call me back with a time #i’ve reached out multiple times since then and have heard NOTHING #if i don’t get it fixed today i’ll have to take my partners car instead #and when i asked them if that would possibly be okay #they started off on a rant about how they were planning to do all this shit tomorrow morning and now can’t if they don’t have their car #but genuinely. how tf was i supposed to know about their plans?? why did they have to say it all like this is completely my fault???#i’m sorry that i’m still in a not so good mental place right now and might forget to do things in a more timely manner #i’ve had two grandparents pass away in the span of a few WEEKS. give me a little grace.#i give them the same understanding every day when they’re having a rough time #so why can’t they offer me the same thing?#i know they’re just stressed and tired and busy but FUCK SO AM I #i’m just. over it. i want to go to sleep.#and by sleep i mean literal sleep i’m not insinuating anything darker i promise #i may be in a rough spot mentally but it is not that kind of rough <3 i’m safe #just. very tired. and in need of support.#i feel like i’m always giving and rarely getting support in this relationship.#and now i’m just feeling like a burden and an inconvenience for even needing the extra support in the first place #the urge to run away and start my life over is strong holy shit

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arolesbianism · 1 month

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Time for more eternal gales isat au, this time featuring Sier as Isabeau, creating a sprite I can never use next to Aris’ because despite my best efforts it would make them look tall

#keese draws #eternal gales #oc #oc art #isat #in stars and time #this one didn’t take nearly as long as the aris one but I think I suffered for it more from the clothes alone #siffrin made me forget I suck at drawing clothes rip #this was also harder because of how much trickier it was to try and adapt siers design to feel fitting enough for my standards #they have a very stylized design compared to most of the others #I kind of took the lazy route out by keeping most of their original shapes in tact but it’s fine #sier in this au would serve the needed role of emotionally intelligent bestie who is also too scared to cross boundaries to do much #but despite this I do think they’d actually get the suspicion quest in this au #mostly because mase is a furry artist not a nerd and sier would be more likely to look at aris and go bro. are you in a fucking timeloop.#it also differs in that aris doesn’t yell at sier abt it instead looping before they can finish because she can’t handle hearing them be #right on the money about this thing that she thought she was handling perfectly #she doesn’t want to fail them she doesn’t want them to realize she’s failed them she doesn’t want to be a burden she doesn’t want them to #‘realize’ they’re better off without her #aris is Incredibly resistant to accepting help on most serious issues because shes convinced that it’s her responsibility to deal with it #by herself and that if she can’t then she’s a failure and worse than useless #I mean in canon eternal gales she literally loses her eye and arm because of that #in this au she just lost them how sif lost his eye but she still has. complexes abt all that.#but yeah sier also differs wildly from isa in many Many other ways as does the rest of the cast from their assigned characters #for sier they rly aren’t the jock of the group at all instead being more of the guy who keeps the mood lighthearted at all times lest they #die of stress because the others haven’t said anything in a whole 30 seconds #aka they’re the self assigned peacekeeper who doesn’t actually need to constantly keep the peace because no one’s fighting but they still #feel like they need to so they dance and dance and dance for their friends until they collapse from exhaustion #metaphorically ofc #this is why they’re both terrified to confront aris when she starts acting a bit fucked up but also why they still do sometimes anyways #they talk abt this a lil bit in their friend quest as they talk abt how they want to change but are scared to

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bunnihearted · 5 months

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🐰🌧️

#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

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lucyvaleheart · 4 months

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#....im just lonely #i don't know #I'm lonely. I....#....gods #i want to be held #i want to be held more than anything in the world #im so tired #im so so so very tired #i just. i just want to be held.....#.....want to be told it's okay.....#....wwant to be cared for.... want to not be a burden but i know that won't happen so i just. I-i just want it to be okay that I'm a burden #to not feel like my needing this level of care and attention is. is so awful #.......im a failure......#.....gods im so tired #someone help me

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xthefaultisminex · 2 years

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I know I'm not much to look at.

I know I don't have much to give.

I know I'm a wreck mentally, emotionally and physically.

I know I'm a lot to put up with/deal with.

But I do try.

I'm sorry that I am not enough.

I'm sorry that I'm not worth looking at.

I'm sorry that I'm a mess.

I'm sorry that I don't give you what others could.

I'm sorry that there's better options theough the screen out there.

I'm just trying to be what I can.

To be enough...

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technowings · 1 month

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My partner just got the "you need to go out and pound the pavement to find a job" from their mom on my behalf.

It Doesn'T -WORK- like that anymore!!!

Apparently there are A Lot of jobs out there that don't have lifting or hand use restrictions! 🙄

Gods keep me from throwing myself into the canal fer FUCK'S SAKE

She will simultaneously ask why I've already spent most of my inheritance while telling my partner that they shouldn't be supporting me all the time or something, like those two things aren't related.

Why am I almost out of my little bit of money? Because I've been PAYING FOR THINGS. Car payment, rent, gas, internet, groceries. Yes some frivolous things here and there but mostly BILLS.

Fucking hell

(Litany against negative self talk, repeated through gritted teeth)

'My IQ is A BILLION, my ass is GREAT, I'm going to FIGHT GOD and FUCK THE MOON'

#techno babble #techno journal #not like iTS ALL I TALK ABOUT IN THERAPY #dealing with my negative self talk is hard enough without this #i already feel like a failure and a burden I don't need anyone else's help to feel bad trust me!

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ichigosoju · 4 months

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☔️

#having a family has never been anything but a burden for me sadly #i always feel like a burden who drags my family down #but truth is i dont bother them. i only let things affect me and myself #i never do anything that affect my family #this is harsh but i have to vent....#because of things and my mom not making it work #she'll be completely without money for july and august #that is really bad bc we are already poor #and without her income we're basically screwed #i feel frustrated bc i do mine. i do what i need to do #they've always been mad at me for being a failure and a fuck up but i've always made sure i do what i have to to get my income #but my mom didnt plan well enough and here we are #i know i shouldnt be angry but i just feel so angry #i've done what i can do as to NOT stress about money #but she didnt and now it'll spill over me and affect me #im so fucking stressed omg sskkskskskksksks #will we be able to make rent?#it's just so frustrating #for every little thing that happens i realize more and more that for me #family will never be anything other than a burden i dont want or need #if im on my own i take care of my shit and that's that #i wont have three other ppl dragging me down and fucking things up #jesus christ... thanks mom #why didnt she plan better to avoid this? i dont understand ppl #im so meticilous with having plan 1 b c d e etc etc #i know things go bad and i want to be sympathetic with her #but the situation she's put us in.... i cant be anything but angry rn

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liesmultixxx · 9 months

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i hate it when something good happens to me and initially i’m happy about it

but then after a while, doubts creep up on me and i feel like i don’t deserve to be happy

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scarletcomet · 4 months

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I am so fucking miserable

#i cant keep living like this #i want to sh so bad rn #dying would solve all my problems #the problem is my top and probably most lethal method could result in like lost limbs if i fail #the more and more desperate i get though the less i care because i just need it to work #i can't do that to my family tho. they would be sad.#im such a burden on them tho #my depression is getting so bad that i can barely even function #i often feel the need to like escape whatever situation im in #it feels like the only way to stop feeling so miserable is to die #i can't take this anymore #43 days self-harm free but i could really use the distraction and the pain right now #ugh maybe my therapist was right when she mentioned going back to the hospital #at least then i wouldn't be expected to do all these things and act normal #i feel like i need to get through this weekend and then if im still feeling this way and insurance hasnt approved the ketamine #then i should consider hospital #but i have to go to philly for my twin sister's graduation. i am so happy for her and all but it's just going to be really hard #with how I've been feeling lately in addition to how graduation just reminds me of all my failures #i was supposed to graduate last weekend. my sister and i were supposed to graduate at the same time #all my friends are graduating too #and im as depressed and hopeless as ever #i dont know what to do #im going to ruin everything if i go but my sister will be upset if im not there #i just dont think i can handle being in philadelphia all weekend

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daylighteclipsed · 4 months

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The way Cal’s kyber crystal breaks in half and he takes the physical scraps of his former master’s broken lightsaber and his new master’s abandoned lightsaber — both of which are (spiritually and symbolically) connected to so much pain and horror that’s kept both him and Cere trapped in the past — to forge a brand new lightsaber that’s unlike any other, able to be wielded in halves or as one staff, and is all his own.

A scrapper using the skills he was forced to learn after his whole world was upended, taking this scrap, the broken pieces of his life in front of him, and creating something new and stronger. The past can’t be changed. And once something’s broken, it’s never going to be what it was before. But you can sit with the broken pieces, forever mourning what you’ll never have back. Or you can use those broken pieces to build something new.

Creation from destruction. The past meeting the present to forge the future. Hope bursting from the ashes of despair. Cal’s lightsaber is a literal flame burning away the ice this jedi temple has been suspended in since Order 66. You need that light to cut through the ice and leave. You need it to survive. You need it to move forward.

There’s also something about BD-1 being the only reason Cal doesn’t give up here. The only reason he chooses to try to forge a new blade even with a broken kyber crystal instead of succumbing to hypothermia. BD-1 is this light from the past. It’s given this knowledge, this spark of hope, this tiny flame, by Cordova and told to keep it alive. Keep this light burning after the jedi have fallen. Find someone to help you carry it forward. BD-1 is the flame that lights the torch — Cal. And it’s shown so beautifully in this scene.

#idk i just have Thoughts !!!! and Feelings #jedi fallen order #star wars #jedi series #for me this is up there with cere knighting cal with trilla’s light saber #i love symbolism i love themes #cere acting as a master again speaking for a long gone council #it’s not just cere’s approval cal has earned the respect of all the masters who fell #it’s like they’re there in spirit #cal earning a title he thought he’d never see #cere holding trilla’s light saber - the symbol of her failure and burden that is so heavy with trilla’s agony #it literally made cal blue screen when he touched it #the strength it takes to face the past and accept it #and cere continuing to carry it wielding it as she confronts her past this nightmare that’s haunted her for years #auuughhhhhhh Good good writing

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coolcoelacanth · 6 months

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it's been almost a week since i stopped talking to my friends over text in our gc, and it has been way better. no more will i have to feel rejection multiple times a day, or feel like i will never be good enough for anyone to even listen to for a second

#personal #well not rlly friends #ill call them my school friends lol #seriously tho fuck people that call you their friends then treat you like a burden for daring to talk to them #im not wasting anymore energy on people who refuse to meet the bare minimum #its rlly not that hard to care about people #except maybe if you lack empathy which they seem to #im done feeling like a loser by the people who are supposed to lift me up #ive done that way too many times in my life #thx mom for setting me up for failure #but theyre shady as hell fr like wtf #ive never met a stranger group of people #theyre so obsessed with upholding this weird social hierarchy #and im like girl its just us calm down #mostly just one of them i got the most beef with #shes actually an asshole fr #like frfr #theyre all rude anyway

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lucyvaleheart · 4 months

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#hhhh #another stupid. vent post #been a while but mostly I've just been too tired to write it down #is there like. A fun quirky way to say i wanna kill myself still #....no probably not #anyway. i do.#im... im still in that day program thing #partial hospitalization. It's a good program. Lots of classes and very judgement free #sadly i cannot help but feel I'm. doomed to failure #because i need so much higher a level of care than this #i. frankly i should be put in a nursing home #that's probably the level I'm at #it all hurts. so much. everything does. my body my mind trying to think trying to talk trying to type #everything hurts either physically or mentally #I'm tired and exhausted all the time #I can barely move some days #I'm a massive financial burden on the people who love me #and i can't really do anything but play videogames to distract myself and then vent endlessly to people who reach out #....if you see this and reach out #i apologize if i don't end up replying #I'm overwhelmed lately #i just can't keep up #and can't help being lonely as fuck despite that #....but i do read it all #every message i get i read. and i cherish. And i forget because of my adhd but when i read it #i feel good for a minute #......so.....#..if you've reached out before...thank you #...if you plan to now.... I'm about to sleep so i may not reply but #....thank you

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tokyoteddywolf · 6 months

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22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.

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