#I feel like if I could embrace being a woman and force myself to romantically love other women

[solitaire-sol]

Prongsfoot Week 2023 - Day 1

This... maybe got away from me a bit, but I'll take any chance to present my Prongsfoot ramblings in a semi-organized fashion!

When and Why did you begin to Ship Prongsfoot? What makes you Ship it? Basically, just gush on this ship.

Somewhat ironically, developing a NOTP led me to this OTP: Back when the books were still coming out, I was a Harmony shipper. (Not a crazy one, I swear!) This led to a lot of "discussions" with people who shipped other pairings, but most relevantly with several Sirius/Remus fans who were both extremely disdainful of my noncanon ship and adamant that their ship was, in fact, canon/eventual canon. This led to little Past Me re-reading the PoA and post-PoA books multiple times, trying and failing to see this "proof" of Wolfstar, but in the process paying a lot more attention to pre-Golden Trio characters. "Actually," I thought, "Sirius seems a lot more attached to Harry's dad than to Lupin. Huh." I found myself fascinated by their dynamic, by the hold Sirius' friendship with (and loss of) James had on Sirius, and how much is implied about James that we don't get to see (the Potter lineage, James "maturing," etc). Imagine my disappointment when not only was Sirius/James not popular, but Wolfstar, which didn't appeal to me, was only gaining steam (see: "Wolfstar is canon/eventual canon!"). Shipping wars were more 'maniacal sports fans' than 'political discourse' at the time, but between being deep into then-fandom and not liking Wolfstar, I found myself shipping Sirius/James almost by accident because… Well, it just made so much more sense.

Yes, James is dead before the series actually starts; yes, James marries a woman and has a son; but I've yet to meet a fandom that lets such paltry things as 'canonical facts' stop a ship, and it's always baffled me that Prongsfoot isn't more widely recognized for its potential, if nothing else. I will always believe this stems from a one-two punch of early HP fandom's obsession with canon vs noncanon, Jily being canon, which led to Wolfstar and the subsequent idea that Sirius "belongs" to Remus With the series completed, we have a surprisingly complex character in James, tantalizingly hinted-at if not explored in-depth, and we're given ample on-page examples of Sirius' exceptional qualities as well as his deep attachment to James, who must be exceptional himself to command this kind of devotion and affection. They're the most interesting characters to me, for what we see and what we don't see, and unlike a lot of other pairings they don't require a hammer and chisel to force them into a romantic mold: They're best friends and platonic soulmates, but they could just as easily be romantic partners and the shift feels completely natural. There's an equality and an authenticity to their partnership that I cherish deeply and don't find in a lot of their other ships, which often require them to be OOC… and if a fic doesn't include them as each other's best friend and Most Important Person, I consider it OOC.

In a way, lack of good James/Sirius friendship nudged me towards actual Prongsfoot because other ships de-emphasize the importance of James and Sirius in each others' lives to make the ship work, including outright giving their roles away, ex. someone else being the only person who can rein James in, Sirius running away to [name here] instead of to James. James and Sirius make each other more themselves, for better and for worse, and I honestly believe that they believe it's always for the better: They embrace each other's strengths and weaknesses, love each other for their flaws instead of despite them, support each other even after death (if the memory of James wasn't instrumental in Sirius surviving Azkaban, I'll eat my nonexistent hat). Sirius has so much devotion to James, enough to eat rats and face death for James' son, his godson, who he had a year of knowing before it all went to hell, that I find it hard to believe he had much room for anyone else; and from what we see, that devotion was absolutely reciprocated. Even after marrying Lily, even after Harry, JamesandSirius were such a thing that James' own wife writes to Sirius to say my husband is down and only you can make him feel better, not his wife or child or other friends. They would have buried bodies for each other, and I'd be surprised if that didn't actually happen off-page. What we see of their past makes it clear that they existed together in some rarefied space that would have absolutely continued regardless of who they dated or who they married or where they wound up. I'll always be a little sad that we didn't get more of these two in canon, and I'll always be equal parts frustrated and bewildered that these two are not the Marauder ship, or at least a much much more popular ship than they are.

Over time, the popular depictions of James and Sirius grew increasingly incompatible with the way I saw them, which is generally closer to canon: James is not an idiot jock or an indiscriminate bully (he's very discriminate, thank you) or an abuser, Sirius is not an idiot sex addict or peer-pressured by James into bullying (he's absolutely an active bully of Snape & Co) or there solely to fawn over Remus. This is also where I started to dislike Remus, sorry Remus fans, neither uwu softboi Remus and uberdom alpha Remus are my jam I eventually fell out of fandom in general and didn't think more than the occasional wistful thought until I re-read the books and had that Prongsfoot flame reignited, enough that I started to read HP fic and even write/post stuff again. I'm endlessly grateful for the authors who put such wonderful work out there, and for people who cultivate this little pocket of a fandom that's otherwise become alien to me, as someone who just doesn't get much of New Marauder Fandom and its ATYD influences.

James and Sirius are soulmates and friends-to-lovers and fluff and angst and boyish exuberance and the uncertainty of growing up, they're knowing you're meant to spend your lives together and struggling to exist when your other half is gone, they're sweet domesticity and the darkness of war and Good vs Evil and all the shades of gray, they're loving someone relentlessly and instinctively and maybe unwisely but knowing it's 100% reciprocated, no-strings-attached, because you can't be any other way and wouldn't change that (or them) if you could. There's just so many ways to explore Prongsfoot and all of it works because these boys contain multitudes, and I just want to gather all of it around me like a nesting squirrel and snuggle down amidst the Prongsfoot goodness.

[pennywaltzy]

What Could Have Been, What Will Be In Its Stead (8/?)

I’m nearing the end of this story! I have lovely art to go with it (which I will post later) but I’m probably not going to finish it until tomorrow and post my @wipbigbang bragging rights on the 20th. But enjoy this chapter of happy tidings after the angst of chapter 7.

What Could Have Been, What Will Be In Its Stead - When Sherlock dies, he leaves behind a woman he planned to marry and a child he did not know about. Mycroft is determined to take care of them both in his brother's stead, but nothing is ever as easy as one plans. That is the true Holmes legacy.

READ CHAPTER 1 | READ CHAPTER 8 | SERIES PAGE

He arrived home the next morning mostly sober and very resolved to fix things. He loved Molly, he realized that now, but there was no place for his romantic feelings in her life. He needed to be her support while she continued to mourn his brother and went through the rest of the pregnancy and the birth. Whatever that meant for his heart, he couldn’t close it off from her, but she could never know the true depth of his feelings.

He went to her bedroom and knocked on the door gently. After a few minutes it flew open and she stared at him, then reached over and hugged him. Surprised, he stiffened for a moment and then hugged him back. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

“Why are you sorry?” he asked.

“I made Andrea tell me the truth. Oh, Mycroft, I didn’t mean to put you in that position.” She pulled away and he saw she had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and there were tear streaks on her face. “I loved Sherlock, but I’ve been so confused lately because I felt like there could be something between us, and I felt so bad, but I resolved not to tell you, and then…”

Relief washed over him. He wasn’t alone in having the feelings he was having, and it had caused her pain too. He immediately embraced her again. “Nothing has to happen. You can still mourn my brother and then, if you still feel the same, we can see. But I promise I will be here for you however you need me. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it.”

“I know,” she said, her head pressed into his chest and her voice muffled because her mouth was settled against his coat.

“I’ve not had someone cry over my feelings before,” he said softly, stroking her back. “It’s touching.”

“It was all so much, knowing you were keeping it to yourself, and I was keeping it to myself, and we were just bumbling along hurting each other.”

“Well, from now on, we’ll be truthful with each other,” he said as she pulled back. “I won’t put any pressure on you for things to change. We’ll wait and see, alright?”

“Alright,” she said with a nod and a soft smile. “Are you hungry? I want to bake.”

“Maybe not for baked goods, but I could enjoy some pancakes?” he suggested.

“Pancakes sound good. And maybe brownies later?”

“Later, perhaps.”

She pulled the rest of the way away and reached over to squeeze his hand. He squeezed it back and then she let go and headed down the hallway toward the kitchen. Once she was out of earshot, he pulled out his mobile and dialed Andrea’s number. It rang twice before she answered. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said. “It worked out in the end.”

“Oh thank God,” she replied. “Molly forced the issue. I’m a good liar but even my best poker face wasn’t enough. She saw right through it.” There was a pause. “So what’s going to happen now?”

“We won’t keep secrets from each other, and we’ll be truthful. But there won’t be a change to our relationship status yet. She loved Sherlock and she’s feeling conflicted. So no pressure, just companionship for the time being, and support.”

“Good. You both deserve to take your time with all of it.” Anthea yawned and then spoke again. “Is it all right if I’m late? Kate proposed when I got home and we stayed up celebrating till this morning.”

“Congratulations,” he said, not at all surprised to find that he meant it wholeheartedly. Andrea had a soft spot in his heart and if she was happy then he was happy for her. He made a mental note to give them a bottle of champagne later in the day. “Take the day off. I think I’ll do the same, spend some time with Molly and work on the nursery with her. She still doesn’t want to decorate until she knows the sex of the child, but we can begin looking for furniture.”

“I’m glad this worked out for you both,” she said. “Molly cares a great deal for you.”

“I know, and I’m honored,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thanks. See you then.” She hung up and he put his mobile away, heading to the kitchen before Molly came back looking for him. Things seemed brighter, suddenly, and he was all the happier for it.

[mrs-hatake]

three little dates

pairing: kakashi x f!reader

genre: fluff, romance

a/n: ramadan is upon us and so, I decided to write something about it and I've always been curious as to how kakashi would react to the concept of fasting and being with someone who is religious. this is a heavily self insert fic and is in 1st (Kakashi's) pov. also proof read by my wonderful soulmate 💓

ao3: here

When I arrive at the administrative floor of the Hokage Tower, my eye immediately scans for Y/N’s figure. My lips tug downwards into a frown when I fail to spot her so I walk up to one of the many cubicles to ask about her whereabouts.

“Oh, Y/N? You just missed her. She left for home about ten minutes ago.” The woman with long brunette hair replies to my inquiry and I heave a silent sigh.

This whole scenario has been going on for the past week now and I’m starting to grow agitated. It seems whenever I drop by her work to ask her out for a simple lunch or dinner, she just disappears. I try to control my reaction but I couldn’t stop my shoulders from sagging in disappointment. It feels like she’s avoiding me.

Y/N and I first became friends about two years ago. I had just resigned from the ANBU team, took on the role of Sensei for team seven, and sometimes special missions from Tsunade. She was a new employee, a civilian, first working as a secretary before working her way up to the role of an officer.

Honestly, our friendship had been an accident.

I was asked to take on a solo mission from the Fifth Hokage and when I arrived at the tower, I accidentally ran into Y/N and knocked down everything she was carrying- including a copy of Icha Icha.

I could feel my blood pumping with excitement but I had to play it cool, returning her book with a simple smile and an offhand comment on my mutual enjoyment of the erotica. I thought that her blush was cute.

Ever since that day, we would just greet each other in passing. Maybe converse for a couple of minutes before and after completing a mission. Our friendship didn’t develop deeply until last year, and my eventual romantic feelings towards her just a few months ago.

I began to find myself feeling more at ease around her, my tense shoulders relaxing, my breaths coming and going with ease. The all-consuming guilt I usually carry instantly evaporates like a droplet of water in the Sand Village when I’m with her. I laugh more, I talk more and I don’t complain about missions as often as I used to. When I return from a mission and I’m greeted by Y/N’s smiling face, I begin to wonder if this is what children feel like when they return home and are embraced into their mothers’ loving arms.

Come the next day, I make sure to arrive at Y/N’s desk right before the end of her working hours.

I wasn’t expecting her to jump in surprise, eyes widening when I asked her out for dinner.

“I’d love to.” She displays a shy smile that makes her appear more youthful. “But I…can’t.”

Maybe there’s a hurt expression on my face because I see Y/N’s eyes widen in alarm, “I’m not avoiding you!” she almost yells. “It’s just-”

She rubs the back of her neck awkwardly, her eyes avoiding mine. “It’s just something personal.”

I think I still look hurt because I hear her sigh in frustration and then stumble through her words as she says, “It’s not you, it’s me-”

“Okay.” I say simply and I turn to leave, not wanting to show her how pained I am by her words since I believed that we were closer than that, when I felt her hand tightly grab mine and force me to turn around.

“Don’t go.” The urgency in Y/N’s voice makes my heart skip a beat.

“Are you in trouble?” I ask her and she immediately shakes her head. However, I know that I look at her with doubt because she stresses, “I promise I’m not.”

I feel the sweat pooling in her hand but I don’t let go of her. It makes me feel wanted and it makes up for the amount of times I haven’t been able to see her.

Y/N bites her bottom lip and the waves of nervousness invade my senses, making my eyebrows furrow in concern. Before I could open my mouth and question her further, demanding that she tell me what’s wrong so that I could help, she held her hand up.

“Let’s meet in an hour.” She says. “I’ll explain everything then.”

Y/N offers me a weak smile and I feel the tiniest bit soothed, yet I am still on edge. I know that she is hiding something from me but I respect Y/N too much to force her to confess.

After telling me where we should meet, she squeezes my hand once before leaving me behind as curiosity eats away at my flesh, stray thoughts lingering in my mind.

I sigh silently and jump out of the window. I run across the many rooftops and come to a stop in front of the oldest tree in Konoha, taking a seat on a sturdy branch while rereading my favorite volume of Icha Icha to kill time.

When I arrive at the restaurant an hour later, I see Y/N walking up to me with a bright smile that makes my heart flutter.

It’s good to see that she is smiling but I still can’t help but feel worried- anxious, even. If Obito knew that the great Copy Nin was anxious, he would never let me live it down and would mention it at every opportunity he got. I can almost hear his loud voice and obnoxious laugh as he teases me about being anxious.

The waitress leads us to a booth near the window. I am glad that I went with a dine-in restaurant so that it’ll take a while for our food to be ready, giving us ample time to discuss what Y/N’s been hiding from me.

“I’ll have the beef curry with a side of steamed white rice.” Y/N informs the waiter after she ordered an appetizer of FireCracker Shrimps.

The waitress turns to me and I tell her my order. “Chicken ramen, please.”

“Any drinks?” She asks but Y/N simply shakes her head.

“I have my water.” She holds up her purse as proof, “Thanks.”

“I’ll have root beer please.” I tell the waitress when she looks at me.

Once the waitress leaves, I instantly notice the way Y/N begins to fidget in her seat in nervousness.

“So…” She begins awkwardly.

“So…” I repeat with a shrug.

Y/N sighs and I think I hear her mutter Why am I so fucking nervous under her breath.

A small smile tugs on my lips behind my mask at her cuteness.

After what looks like a mental pep talk, Y/N finally says, “The reason why I haven’t been able to see you recently is because… I’m fasting.”

I immediately arch an eyebrow at her. “Please don’t tell me you’re trying out some fad diet? Those aren’t good for you.”

Y/N shakes her head. “No, I’m not.”

“Good.” I nod my head. “Because you look fine just the way you are.”

Her cheeks were painted a deep shade of red and I resisted the urge to call her cute, knowing that would make her even more nervous than she already is.

“So why are you fasting?” I ask instead.

“It’s a religious thing.” Y/N shrugs her shoulders. “Every year for one month, we fast from sunrise to sunset.” She explains.

I have climbed mountains, traveled across deserts and braved storms that no civilian has ever witnessed and had the opportunity to meet all kinds of people from all over the world. I’ve learned about different religions people practice, heard about different types of beliefs people hold onto and yet, I don’t believe I’ve heard of this one.

This makes me upset.

“How come I’ve never heard of this?” I express my thoughts to her.

Y/N simply shrugs. “You’ve probably met people who follow my religion, just not when we’re fasting.” She explains. “Rin knows though.”

My shoulders slump further in disappointment and hearing Y/N chuckle makes me feel small.

“Don’t feel bad.” She says sweetly and reaches across the table to pat my hand in comfort, “To be fair, the month changes every year.”

“How so?”

Y/N points out the window and I can barely see the moon that’s making its appearance in the starry night sky. “It follows the moon cycle.”

I bet Y/N can see how I’m still confused because she adds, “The month shortens by two weeks so the months change every year. Heck, I was born during it in the middle of winter.”

“I think…I understand.” I say slowly, “Since you’re fasting in spring, you’ll be fasting in winter again soon, right?”

Y/N nods again, her eyes bright with excitement. “That’s right.”

Our conversation is interrupted by a shrill ringing that has Y/N jumping in surprise. She shoves her hand in her purse, the blush from earlier returning tenfold at the people glaring at her, and pulls out her mini alarm clock to silence it.

I don’t say anything so that I don’t further embarrass her but the mask doesn’t hide the look of confusion on my face.

“It’s sunset.” Y/N explains in a small tone of voice, sending apologetic looks at the other tables surrounding us.

Before I could say anything, she is rummaging through her purse again and pulls out a small container with three pieces of dates.

Y/N mutters something in a foreign language under her breath before popping a date into her mouth. Spitting out the seed into the napkin, she takes large gulps of water.

I blink owlishly at her and that makes her giggle behind her bottle of water.

“Sorry.” She grins. “I had to break my fast.”

I nod slowly.

There’s a pregnant pause around us as Y/N eats the remaining dates and empties half of her bottle. Shortly afterwards, the waitress comes by our table to place a small bowl of FireCracker Shrimps.

I plop a piece into my mouth, my eye never leaving Y/N as she picks up a piece to eat.

“So,” I begin after swallowing, “What do you do during this month?”

“Well, like I said, we fast from sunrise to sunset.” She replies. “No eating or drinking until we can break our fast.”

“Not even water?” I blurt the question out and I instantly regret it, not wanting to offend her.

“I’m sorry-”

Y/N shakes her head and her smile is kind as she says, “It’s okay. You’re just curious.” She eats another piece of shrimp and says around a mouthful, “No, not even water.”

When we’re finished with the small bowl, I bombard her with several questions that she is all too happy to answer. I can tell that she loves her religion and what she practices from the way her eyes light up, along with the ever present smile on her lips.

I feel my own cheeks heat up and my heart hammering against my ribcage, thankful that she trusts me enough to share these things with me.

“Why do you fast?” I ask her when the waitress brings the rest of our food along with our drinks.

“For spiritual reflection and self-improvement.” Y/N replies while scooping rice and curry onto her plate. “It also reminds us to be humble and thankful for what we have. We also give compassion and empathy for those who are less fortunate.”

Huh…That’s nice.

I’ve heard of similar things in other religions as well but not to the extent of fasting a whole month to humble oneself.

“We’re not allowed to chew gum, smoke, spray perfume, some will say they can’t even brush their teeth-just rinse their mouth.” Y/N lists some of the activities they aren’t allowed to do. “And we’re not allowed to have-”

Her eyes suddenly widen comically and her entire face turns as red as an apple. I’m not sure if I should laugh at how adorable she is or be concerned over how red her face has gotten.

“We’re not allowed to have the thing.”

“The thing?”

Y/N nods seriously.

Just as I was about to ask her to clarify, a memory pops into my head from when we first met.

When I was discussing the sex scene in Icha Icha and how you can feel the love and passion between the characters, Y/N was blushing as hard as she is now. I remember her quickly agreeing with me but asked me to please don’t talk about the thing.

Oh, so that’s what she meant.

I can’t help the smirk that grows across my lips behind the mask and it’s like Y/N can feel it because she glares at me.

“Shut up.” She mutters and I don’t tease her about it.

“Isn’t it difficult?” I ask her once the waitress has cleared off our table, informing us that she’ll be bringing the dessert menu over.

“Not really.” Y/N shakes her head. “You begin to fast after puberty and even before then you can practice for a bit if you want.”

“Plus, there are people who are exempt from fasting.” She adds.

“Like who?”

“Women who are pregnant, breastfeeding or bleeding after childbirth.” Y/N holds up her index finger.

“Women who are on their period.” Her middle finger is next.

“People who are sick and need medication, the elderly and people who are traveling.” At last she holds up her ring finger.

“That’s actually interesting.” I say sincerely and I am nearly blinded by her smile.

“Right!”

God, what I’d do to lean over the table and kiss that smile.

“However, if you are able to, you should make up for the days you miss.” Y/N says seriously.

“What happens if you can’t?” I tilt my head, eyebrow furrowed in curiosity.

“You donate food or money to those in need. The amount of times you do this is the same as the days you’ve missed fasting.”

We don’t order dessert as their options are too big for just the two of us so I suggested we get some ice cream.

We walk in comfortable silence under the moonlight as I am lost in my thoughts over what Y/N has told me earlier.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

Y/N freezes and looks up at me like a kicked puppy, “I wasn’t avoiding you, I literally just explained why.”

I chuckle and ruffle her hair, unable to resist her cuteness.

“But to answer your question…yes.”

“Why though?”

Y/N blinks twice before avoiding her gaze. “Well, you asked me out on a date before the months started and I couldn’t say no.” Her voice is small and her lips are tugged into a pout.

I reached out to hold her hand, my thumb rubbing soothing circles onto the back of her palm, “You know I wouldn’t have minded if you said no.”

Her pout is still on her lips when she turns to face me, “But you were so excited!”

I wish she could see the smile and the small blush on my cheeks, “True. I would’ve waited though…for you.”

Y/N is stunned into silence. As if she hadn’t considered the fact that I could wait if she told me about her situation from the start.

“I forgot I could do that.”Y/N says breathlessly, the picture of pure innocence.

I laugh. I laugh loudly, my entire body shaking.

How could anyone blame me for falling for her?

Y/N sends me a glare before dropping her hand from mine and marching to the ice cream shop.

I run towards her and wrap my arms around her to pick her up, loving the way she giggles and shrieks my name as I twirl us around.

“You’re ridiculous!” She huffs.

“You’re the one who forgot you can postpone a date.” I remind her with another laugh.

Y/N glares at me but I stun her to silence by leaning over and pressing my cloth covered lips against her cheek.

“Don’t worry,” I whisper in her ear happily. “We’ll have lots more dates in the future.”

Y/N grabs onto my arm, warm irises dropping to the floor, cheeks heating up as she softly mutters, “Promise?”

I smile at her, beaming.

“Promise.”

[therealvinelle]

How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible. 

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested. 

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning. 

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all. 

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No. 

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden. 

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

[13uswntimagines]

Where Do I Fit? (Preath x Little!Reader)

Request: angsty little!reader with Tobin, where Tobin was rs caretaking fir way before Christen(like since college?) and they tell Christen but she isnt okay with it at first but accepts it by gettung r stuffies to apologise?

“It’s not like that Chris,” Tobin sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her elbows rested on her knees. The two of you had been trying to explain this for a better part of an hour, and Christen still didn’t understand. 

“Then tell me what it’s like Tobin, because from what you’ve said it sounds like your adult friend pretends to be a toddler, and you give her baths and feed her bottles. Do I need to continue? It’s some kinky shit-...” Christen said exasperated, frustratedly running fingers through her hair. How Tobin thought she would be ok with this? She was at a loss for words. 

Tobin shook her head, blinking up at her girlfriend “It’s not sexual Christen. It just-“  

“What, makes you feel good?” Christen spat, crossing her arms defensively across her chest. 

“Helps me deal with stress and anxiety, in a more positive way,” you mumbled, shifting anxiously on the couch next to Tobin, shivering at the glare Christen sent your way. You weren’t in love with Tobin, actually, you had a girlfriend of your own (who also happened to be little). Tobin was your safety blanket, and you just wished Christen could understand. 

****

Tobin had been your mama since college. An arrangement that had been made after she found you curled up under your dorm room bed, so stressed you didn’t know what day it was much less what stuff you had to get done. Instead of running away, she had pulled you into her arms and rocked you until you were done crying. 

After a little research and some explaining about why you regressed and how long it had been happening on your end, Tobin wholeheartedly embraced the role of Mama. And together you became more comfortable. She made you bottles and helped you keep track of school and soccer. As your best friend she decided it was her duty to protect you, and you were too fucking adorable when you were little to pass up. 

Then your Mama started dating Christen, and after a few months of them being serious, it was decided that you had to tell Chris. That you could propose that she join in your little arrangement. You got along well with the woman, and she was pretty nurturing to you anyway (especially at national team camps) making sure you ate and didn’t stay up at all hours of the night with your girlfriend and the youngins. 

****

Christen paused mid-pace, turning to look her girlfriend in the eye. “I don’t know how I feel about having a third person in our relationship Tobin,” She said calmly, crossing her arms. 

“Baby, I promise you it’s not like that. Y/n may be my baby girl, but I’m not romantically attracted to her. She’s my best friend, and this helps her,” Tobin pleaded, begging for the woman she loved to understand. She didn’t want to lose her and she didn’t want to lose her baby girl. You were a very sensitive little, absolutely petrified of her getting bored and abandoning you one day. She had made so many promises, and she couldn’t bear the thought that she might have to break them. 

“So what, she’ll call you whenever she’s little and you’ll just fucking drop everything to go ‘help’ her?” Christen’s eyebrow quirked up. 

You frowned. You had been hoping that this conversation would end in you having another mommy, so technically you would be calling them, and you were always mindful of overstaying your welcome. 

“I wouldn’t abuse that,” You huffed. 

“But you can’t control when you're little or whatever right? As long as you’re involved in this thing, she will always come first, and that’s not a healthy relationship,”  Christen asked viciously, turning her attention to you for the first time. You sunk into the couch, fighting the natural descent into little space that came with such looks. With looks only Moms could muster. 

You opened your mouth to respond, only for Tobin to jump in first. “Babe, we’ll figure it out. I was act-”

“Well then, I’ll be back when you figure your priorities out,” Christen scoffed, grabbing her keys and her purse and slamming the door behind her. 

Heavy silence stretched across Tobin’s apartment, both of you staring at the door. 

You hadn’t been expecting things to be rainbows and butterflies, but you didn’t think it was going to come down to an ultimatum. Little you or the love of Tobin’s life. It wasn’t a fair choice, but you knew exactly what needed to be done, no matter how much it hurt. 

“I was afraid that would happen,” You sighed, staring at the door, gulping to try and stay big. Trying to force yourself to hold back the painful emotions that were rattling in your chest. Someone had to be the mature one. The realistic one. 

“Y/n,” Tobin said softly, her voice ruff with unushered tears.

You shook your head, patting her knee, but never looking in her direction. If you did you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself together anymore. You wouldn’t be able to do what needed to be done. You had promised yourself that you would never get in the way of her love life, and you were about to follow through on that. “It’s fine Tobin. I understand,”

“I love her,” Tobin said, sniffling, and you felt a little piece of your heart crack. Didn't Tobin love little you too? Just not enough. You swallowed hard, again pushing those feelings down. This wasn’t about you, and Tobin deserved to be happy. 

“I know. Go after her, I know how to let myself out. I’ll go to Lindsey’s and text the group chat to see if anyone wants another little,” You shrugged. Lindsey could handle you and your girlfriend for the night, and the group chat was sure to be able to give you good advice, at least until you figured this whole thing out. They hadn’t let you down yet. 

Tobin made a strangled sound at the mention of the group chat. At the idea that one of her friends could ever replace her as your mama. She knew that it was the logical next step (you and little Em were a handful on your own, together you were little terrors), but she couldn’t help the little twinge in her heart. 

“I’m sorry,” She said, bringing her hand over yours and squeezing tightly. She hoped it could convey how badly she felt about this whole situation. She never thought Christen would react so badly. 

You bit your lip, avoiding looking at your mama. “Don’t be. You were the best Mama ever. Now go,” You mumbled, kissing the back of her hand and shooing her towards the door. She didn’t even spare a glance in your direction as she left. 

You stood from the couch, walking to the guest room that always served as your nursery. You collected your little things bag, Roary (you could never leave him behind), and your Batman blanket before heading towards the door. You paused in the doorway, turning to glance over the room one more time, allowing yourself to reminisce for just a second. How you wished this night had gone differently. You sighed, shaking your head and closing the door behind you. You would find a new caregiver, but Tobin would always be your mama. 

****

You were miserable. Completely, totally and utterly miserable. Hovering somewhere between adult you and little you, curled up in the corner of Lindsey’s couch, staring listlessly into space. Even your girlfriend cuddled into your side, running race cars gently over your legs couldn't cheer you up, and Lindsey was starting to get worried. 

“I don’t know what else to do, short of calling Tobin,” Lindsey said quietly, watching you from where her and Kelley were hovering by the door. It was one thing handling her little handful, and a complete other trying to take in both of you at the same time. She didn’t even know where to begin with you, hence why she called in reinforcements. 

You had known Kelley and Alex for almost as long as you had known Tobin. You trusted them, and if anyone could get you out of your funk, your aunt Kelley could. 

“You tried pudding?” Kelley asked, biting her lip. You were curled into the couch, Emily cuddled into your side, sending glances every now and then towards the stuffed triceratops you had left on the other couch. Pudding was little you’s favorite cheat food, and if that didn’t work she wasn’t sure what to do next. By now the entire team was aware of what was going on between you and Tobin, and none of them were surprised that little you wasn’t taking it so well. 

“And ice cream, and hot pretzels and Mac and cheese. I even tried warm milk,” Lindsey nodded. She had seen you upset before, but never this bad. She was literally at her wits end, and Emily wasn’t even being her normally bratty self. 

“Damn,” Kelley sighed, rubbing the back of her neck anxiously. How Tobin was going to fix this mess she didn’t know and how she was going to aid your obviously miserable self she wasn’t sure either. 

“Yeah, and she forbade me from calling Tobs,” Lindsey mumbled, patting Kelley’s shoulder. Kelley was known to have a magic touch with littles, but Lindsey was skeptical anyone besides your mama could pull you from this funk. 

“From the text she sent the group chat I’m not surprised. I’ll see what I can do,” Kelley nodded, shooing Lindsey towards the kitchen to heat up some Mac and cheese. She would get you to eat something even if it killed her. 

She slowly made her way over to you, gently patting Emily’s shin when she was close enough. “Hey Emmy, your mama wants to see you in the kitchen please,” 

The blond little blinked up at her, big Emily suddenly very present in her eyes. She didn’t like how much pain you were in, but you both trusted Kelley. The two stared at each other for a moment, before Emily nodded once, seemingly satisfied that Kelley would help. 

Emily leaned up and kissed your cheek before toddling off towards the kitchen. Maybe mama would get her a cookie. 

Kelley took her spot, watching you carefully, as though you were a puzzle she was trying to solve. “How you holding up bug?”

You shrugged in response, tucking your legs tighter underneath you and crossing your arms. 

“Not too good then huh?” Kelley filled in, scooting a little bit closer to you, taking a breath of relief when you didn’t curl into an impossibly tighter ball. 

You nodded once. While big you understood why Tobin couldn’t be your mama, little you was devastated that she had chosen someone over you. That she didn’t love you anymore (big you knew this was just as hard for her). 

Kelley’s eyebrows furrowed. You usually hovered around 2 and a half or three when you were little, but this version of you was far smaller. Small enough for you to go nonverbal. The only person to see you this small was Tobin, and as far as Kelley knew the last time this had happened you were still in college. 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but Roary was telling me that his tummy was hurting. Does your tummy hurt?” She asked you softly, holding up your favorite stuffed triceratops and wiggling him in front of your face. 

You shrugged again. Yeah your tummy was a little grumbly, but you were sad and all you wanted was for mama to scoop you up, but she couldn’t. 

“I know you’re upset bug, but not eating isn’t going to make you or Roary feel better, ok? Aunt Lindsey made Mac and cheese and it’ll warm you up ok?” she tried again, nudging your cheek with Roary’s nose. You bit your lip in thought. You did love Mac and cheese, and you didn’t want Roary to turn into a grumpasaurus. 

“Otay,” you mumbled, reaching for the defender (who despite her short stature was still an inch taller than you). She smiled tightly at you, handing you your stuffed Dino and picking you up to head towards the kitchen. At least they were getting you to eat. 

*****

Christen sighed from her place on the couch next to Tobin, glaring at the cellphone that had gotten far more attention than she had tonight. All she wanted was a date night with her girlfriend, and Tobin had spent the whole thing glued to her phone, nervously biting her lip. 

“Alright, who have you been texting all night?” Christen asked, pulling away from Tobin and wrapping the blanket tighter around her. 

The midfielder turned forward blinked and sat back to look carefully at her girlfriend. “Lindsey,” Tobin said, biting her lip. 

Christen’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s up with Linds?” 

Tobin sighed. “Y/n went to stay with her until preseason starts. Emily’s there too and she wanted to hang out with her girlfriend,” 

“So what, why has Lindsey been texting you?” Christen asked. She was usually good at following Tobin’s train of thought, but she was lost. 

Tobin sighed again, shaking her head. “Y/n is having a really hard time, and I know you think it’s just some weird kink or something, but little Y/n doesn’t understand what’s happening. She doesn’t know what she did wrong and Lindsey needs some advice on how to handle her,” 

Christen’s back straightened immediately at the mention of your name. She thought she had made her opinion clear. “How can you say that like Y/n is two people. Like she isn’t manipulating you into doing what she wants?” Christen said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. 

Tobin took a deep breath trying to figure out how to explain it. How to make her girlfriend understand that it was so much more than you pretending to be a kid for a little while. “Y/n isn’t two people, and she isn’t manipulating me. That’s evident considering she forbade Lindsey from calling me,” Tobin started calmly, picking at a stray thread on her pants. She opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to find the right words to explain it. “It’s not a sexual thing for her. It’s about trust. When y/n is little she doesn’t have to worry about everyday things, she can trust that I’ll take care of her. That no matter what happens, someone will be there to protect her. That no one will abandon her…” her voice cracked. 

That’s exactly what she had done, isn’t it? Abandoned her best friend?. 

Christen pulled her into a hug, letting her sob into her shoulder. It was hard to see Tobin this upset, even if she didn’t fully understand why. 

“My relationship with her isn’t like the one I have with you. She loves Emily,” The words were muffled by Christen’s shoulder, but the forward heard them loud and clear. 

Her eyebrows furrowed. She had done some research after Tobin had initially told her, but this was turning out to be way more complicated than the online forum suggested. If Emily was involved too, and you were dating her, then why did you need Tobin? 

“Why can’t Emily be her mama?” She asked softly, honestly trying to understand this mess. 

Tobin leaned back, wiping her eyes. 

“Cause Emily’s little too and that would be dangerous. Lindsey takes care of Em like I take care of Y/n,” 

Christen nodded as she took in the information. That made sense. If you couldn’t necessarily control being little, then it was possible you would both slip at the same time (or one could trigger the other). That did seem like a pretty bad idea for a long term solution. 

But if Lindsey was there, then what was the problem? 

“I just don’t understand how I fit into this whole thing,” Christen said after a few minutes, finally looking Tobin in the eyes, searching for the answer. 

“You don’t have to deal with her when she’s little if you don’t want to. I just didn’t want to hide it from you,” Tobin shrugged, running a hand through her hair (the weight on her chest lifting just a bit now that Christen actually seemed to be willing to talk about this). 

“If she’s here, I’m not just going to ignore her,” Christen scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Tobin’s lips ticked up just a bit. She wasn’t sure if Christen realized she had basically said you were going to be around, but Tobin was pleased with the new development. Maybe Christen just needed to logic it out a little bit more to become more open to the idea, but she wasn’t going to force her into something she wasn’t comfortable with. 

“It’s still the Y/n you know, just a little bit more carefree. A little more silly and cuddly. You don’t have to be around her, but if you wanted to… she was gonna ask if you wanted to see what being a caretaker with me was like,” She said, leaning in and nudging under Christen’s chin with her nose. 

Christen frowned, pouting a little, the real reason she had been so against the idea initially finally rolling from her lips. “She wasn’t trying to take you away from me-“ 

Tobin was shaking her head before Christen even finished her sentence. “No, she was trying to include you,”

You had been open to the idea of being little around Christen (hesitant, but open especially if it meant including the woman your mama was head over heels for. 

The silence stretched between them for a few long seconds, broken only by Christen’s sigh. 

“I fucked up,” She mumbled, pinching the space between her eyes, completely missing Tobin’s blinding smile. 

“We fucked up, now let’s go fix it,” Tobin said, kissing her girlfriend’s cheeks and standing, extending her hand for the woman to take. They would make this right together. 

*****

Kelley would say that you were tolerating dinner. You were reluctantly opening your mouth for the airplanes of Mac and Cheese she was sending your way, glancing longingly at Roary (who was eating his carrots in his very own seat across from you). 

Lindsey had gotten up a few minutes ago to answer the door but had yet to return. That was why you were taking turns having Kelley feed you bites of dinner with Emmy. 

Kelley lifted the next bite up to your lips, but you pulled your head away. “No tank you,” 

Kelley sighed, leaning forward to make eye contact with you. “Baby, you’ve only had two bites. You need to eat a little more for me please,” 

You rapidly shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes. You didn’t want to eat the stupid Mac and cheese. You wanted your mama to love you again, but she was off loving Christen. 

“It otay, I eat Mac for you,” Emily said, patting your arm and placing a very sloppy kiss on your cheek. She didn’t like it when you were upset, and if she got more Mac and cheese out of it, then that was fine with her too. 

Kelley glared at the younger defender. You didn’t need any more encouragement to not eat, especially when you were this fussy. “I don’t think it works like that Em”

She looked back into your direction(ignoring your girlfriend’s pout), making her voice soft and sympathetic “Come on Y/n, 5 more bites please,” 

You whined loudly, shaking your head rapidly and kicking your feet a little in displeasure. The tears were now falling heavily down your very red face. “No want it!!”

“Alright bug,” Kelley murmured, pulling you into her lap, and letting you cry it out. You buried your face in her shoulder, heartbreaking sobs wracking through you. Kelley rubbed circles into your back, and carded her fingers through your hair, trying to soothe you. When that didn’t work, she carefully transferred you into a very familiar lap.

*****

You clung to Tobin as though your life depended on it, fisting her sweatshirt like you thought she would disappear at any second. You probably thought she would, Christen noted. 

It was truly a pitiful sight so see, and each little sob from your lips was like a knife in Christen’s chest. She hadn’t known what to expect when Lindsey said you were taking it hard, but it most certainly wasn’t this. It made her apology gift seem incredibly inadequate. 

“No babydoll, I’m never leaving you again. I promise,” Tobin said into your hair, rocking you to try and ease the wave of tears streaming down your cheeks. 

“But you wove Christen,” You said, though your voice was muffled by Tobin’s shoulder and your tears, Christen heard the words loud and clear. She shared a look with Tobin over your head, and she knew that she was the only one who could fix this mess. 

She knelt down next to you, carefully rubbing your back, encouraging you to look at her. You obliged, rubbing your bloodshot eyes as you pulled away from Tobin. 

“Tobin can love both of us darling, and I see that now. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see that before, but if you’re willing, I’d like to try helping your mama take care of you when you’re little,” She said softly. 

“No make me go bye bye?” You asked, sniffling. 

“No little one,” Christen reassured, bringing her thumb up to while away a stray tear. “No I brought a friend, but they don’t have a name yet. Do you think you can help me out?” She said, holding up the stuffed dragon they had picked up for you as an apology. 

You gently grabbed the purple stuffie, holding him very close to your nose, and examining him carefully. “Spike wants ta know if we go home?” You said after a few seconds, poking your tongue out the side of your mouth. Christen and Tobin laughed lightly at your expression. 

“Yeah, let’s go home,” 

[221bsunsettowers]

Buck/Eddie: I Can’t Get Enough of This Kind of Love (Part 2 of the Good News on My TV Screen Buddie AU series)

In just a few days, Buck has been in his second helicopter crash, been rescued by his boyfriend and their friends, witnessed people almost dying at a bug eating competition and the largest charley horse possibly ever, seen a woman with a high heel through her face at a child's beauty pageant, and had his beloved Eddie tell him he loves him for the very first time while tripping on laced brownies.

So there's that.

In which news reporter Buck is an integral part of the events from the episode 2x06 "Dosed".

(Amazing fanart poster by the amazing @jemmalynette! )

(Thank you so much to everyone who left love and kudos and comments for the first story in this series! In my head, the first story was a one and done that I had a lot of fun writing, and then all the requests to make this a series inspired me to do exactly that!

If you haven’t read the first story in the series, I would recommend doing that first, so you get the background of news reporter Buck and firefighter Eddie, and how they first meet and get together. You can read the first story here )

I Can’t Get Enough of This Kind of Love (can be read on Ao3 here)

Carefully placing the box labeled Dishes on the kitchen counter, Eddie immediately went back outside, bending down to grab the next box. "You really want me to like you, don't you?" Maddie's voice came from behind, and Eddie spun around, meeting her stare with a hopeful smile.

"Honestly, Maddie, I really like your brother, so yes please," Eddie answered promptly, and Maddie's gaze softened. She stepped forward, and patted Eddie on the shoulder as she walked past him and into her new home.

"Excellent answer!" Maddie called back, and Eddie felt arms wrap around him from behind. He leaned back into his boyfriend's embrace, smiling as Buck planted a kiss behind his ear.

  "Evan!" Maddie yelled out the window, "you can make googly eyes at your boyfriend later, he wants me to like him and my furniture isn't going to move itself!" She smirked as Buck blushed and walked over to the couch, bending his knees and grabbing one end as Eddie dutifully grabbed the other.

"Googly eyes, maybe when you stop making googly eyes at Chim," Buck muttered under his breath, and Eddie laughed as they moved in tandem up the stairs.

"I'll tease Chim relentlessly at work if that helps," Eddie promised with a wink, and Buck grinned mischievously, nodding his head.

"We've got a helicopter crash, a news station was doing a traffic report," Bobby explained as the fire truck screeched to a stop and everyone quickly hopped out. Eddie noticed the rest of his team shooting worried glances at him, but he waved them off with a grateful smile.

"Buck never does the traffic reports," Eddie assured them, as Bobby called them into a quick huddle. "He told me he paid those dues a few news stations ago."

"Um, Eddie?" Chimney said hesitantly, facing the helicopter and extending a finger to point at the back window. Turning, Eddie met Buck's gaze, could see from even this distance how he was working hard to keep his breathing even and his body still.

"Fuck," Eddie breathed out, feeling his heart stutter in time with the still-spinning rotors.

"Eddie, you going to be okay on this one?" Bobby asked softly, laying a comforting hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"Buck needs me, Cap, I'm on it," Eddie promised, forcing his focus onto the job at hand. "We need to watch for dynamic rollover, when we start getting them out the weight of the copter could shift."

"Okay, Chimney, you're going to pull Buck out first, make sure you're keeping an eye on the balance," Bobby ordered as they moved towards the helicopter.

 "Eddie, can you shut down the helicopter?" Eddie opened his mouth, about to argue that he should be the one to get Buck out, but then he sighed, nodding, knowing he needed to trust his captain to get Buck out of there quickly and safely.

  Still, Eddie couldn't keep his eyes off Buck, lunging forward as the helicopter rocked, but then Chimney had Buck back on solid ground, and Eddie was next to the pilot, stabilizing the balance and shutting off the engine. The second he had the pilot out and in Hen's capable hands, Eddie spun around and grabbed Buck in his own grasp, pulling him into his arms.

Eddie gripped onto the back of Buck's shirt, tugging his body as closely as possible. Buck nestled his face into the crook of Eddie's shoulder, and Eddie swayed them gently from side to side, pressing his lips against Buck's temple. "You're safe, sweetheart," Eddie murmured into Buck's skin. "I've got you."

He could feel Buck nodding and pulled back just enough to see Buck's face, running a gentle finger over a small cut on his boyfriend's cheek. "Let me check you out," Eddie insisted, leading Buck over to a bench and kneeling in front of him.

"You can check me out any time," Buck bantered back with a mischevious smile, and Eddie laughed, shaking his head as he squeezed Buck's hand.

"Sounds like he's just fine!" Chimney called out with a smile, patting Buck's shoulder as he made his way over to where the pilot was sitting.

"No comments about how you're hotter than just fine, or how much you like me kneeling in front of you," Eddie commanded, pointing a finger at Buck, who shrugged and grinned,  Eddie smiling back in relief. "You scared the shit out of me," Eddie whispered, leaning in to cup Buck's face in his hands, laying a soft kiss on his lips. "Let me make sure you're okay, please?"

"Yeah," Buck whispered back, resting his forehead against Eddie's, "yeah, of course." Pulling out his penlight, Eddie shined the beam into Buck's eyes.

 Nodding in satisfaction, he took Buck through the rest of concussion protocol, checked for any other injuries, and cleaned out the small cut and bandaged it. Next to him, Chimney and Hen were finishing checking the pilot, assuring Buck he was completely fine.

"What were you doing on traffic anyway?" Eddie asked, sliding up to sit next to Buck, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as Buck leaned into Eddie's side.

"Oliver called in sick last minute, so I offered to sub in," Buck answered, sighing in relief as Eddie moved a hand to the back of Buck's neck, rubbing at the tense muscles. "I definitely didn't expect to be in my second helicopter crash." As Eddie's hand suddenly stilled at Buck's words, Buck bit his bottom lip, meeting Eddie's wide-eyed gaze. "If it helps, I clearly survived that one too?" he offered up hesitantly, and he heard poorly-concealed laughter coming from the rest of the team's general direction.

  "Can't say I didn't know what I was getting myself into," Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head, before leaning in to kiss Buck softly. "Let's try to keep helicopter crashes off the agenda, yeah?"

"No subbing in for traffic again or chartering a romantic copter ride for the two of us, got it," Buck recited with a smirk, and Eddie rolled his eyes, nudging Buck in the side before hopping off the bench.

  "Any chance I could get you to come back with me to the fire station so I can keep an eye on you?" Eddie asked hopefully.

"I would love that, but I have to get back to work," Buck said ruefully, gesturing at the news van that was already pulling up.

  Eddie sighed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Buck's. "Text and call me when you can, please? Just let me know you're doing okay?"

"Of course," Buck promised, sneaking another quick kiss in before heading towards the van. Grabbing the door handle, he turned around. "Be safe out there, babe! And thanks guys!"

Eddie had gotten a myriad of selfies from Buck in the hours after the helicopter rescue. One at his desk, captioned I promise I'm watching out for papercuts. Another getting ready to go in front of the camera, Taking proper electrocution prevention steps. The pictures continued rolling in, Eddie laughing fondly at each one, saving them to his photos because he couldn't resist. Any picture of his boyfriend was one he wanted to have, even when said boyfriend was being a glorious little shit.

His phone trilled out "Breaking News!" again and Eddie quickly clicked on the new picture, a smile spreading across his face as the photo revealed Buck standing in front of the fire station, captioned Practicing fire safety. Shoving his phone in his pocket, Eddie hurried down the stairs, skipping the bottom step in his haste.

"Surprise!" Buck called out with a grin, hurrying forward to meet Eddie, throwing his arms around his boyfriend's neck before leaning in for a kiss. Eddie's arms looped around Buck's waist as he held him close, both men smiling broadly.

"This is a great surprise," Eddie proclaimed, brushing a curl of hair away from Buck's eye. "Did a story fall through?"

"Actually, a new story came up," Buck grinned, grabbing Eddie's hand and interlacing their fingers. "C'mon, let's go upstairs, I want to talk to everybody about it."

"Hey Buck!" Chimney met the two at the top of the stairs, grabbing Buck's hand and pulling him in for a quick hug. "Since we have a chance now, what kind of wine does your sister like best? I'm going over to help her move more of her stuff after work."

"Red, and make sure you bring some popcorn too," Buck answered with a wink, patting Chimney on the shoulder. "Maddie could eat popcorn all day every day and be very happy about it."

"Thanks!" Chimney called back as Buck made his way around the kitchen, greeting everyone else before moving to the coffee maker. Placing a filled mug in front of Eddie, Buck sat down holding his own mug (the one Eddie had brought from home for Buck to use whenever he visited the fire station). Leg brushing against Eddie's, Buck took a sip of coffee.

"Before I say anything else, I just want to make sure you guys know you can absolutely say no to this," Buck began, meeting the eyes of everyone else around the table. "You don't have to give me a reason, and I won't take any offense, I promise." Turning to Eddie, Buck interlaced their fingers. "Including you babe, okay?"

  Waiting until everyone had nodded, Buck continued. "My boss knows I'm dating someone from the 118, and after that helicopter rescue this morning, he came to me and told me he wants a story done on a day in the life of the LAFD heroes of the 118. I told him I have to be the one to do it, because I don't want anyone else twisting up the story in any way, and that you guys have to be okay with it or it isn't happening."

There was silence for a minute, and then Bobby spoke. "You know, normally I would absolutely say no to this," he said with a sigh, leaning back in his chair, "because a reporter could get in the way, could create their own narrative that has nothing to do with the truth, or could even use someone's pain or cause harm themselves. But Buck, you also know I trust you. I believe that you will do this truthfully and put the safety of others above the story."

"I will, absolutely Bobby," Buck vowed, blushing at Bobby's words. "I would never spin anything to make you guys look bad, and I would never put anyone in danger or show them suffering, I promise."

"Of course you wouldn't," Eddie said proudly, slinging an arm around Buck's shoulders and pulling him in close. Buck beamed up at him, leaning into his side.

"We all trust you, Buck," Hen said, and Chimney nodded, and Buck smiled bashfully, glancing down at where his and Eddie's fingers were now intertwined on Eddie's thigh.

"So it's okay to start tomorrow?" Buck asked hesitantly, and Bobby let out a gentle laugh, nodding.

"Absolutely, Buck, we'll see you then," Bobby responded, just as the alarm sounded, and the rest of the team leapt to their feet.

  "I especially like the part where you'll be at work with me all day," Eddie grinned, leaning in for a quick kiss, which Buck eagerly returned.

"Me too," Buck grinned back, squeezing Eddie's hand before letting go. "Stay safe, sweetheart."

The next day saw Buck arriving hand in hand with Eddie, each balancing a carryout tray of coffees in their free hand. "You know we already love you two, right?" Hen teased, plucking the coffee with her name on it from the tray and taking a grateful sip. "But please feel free to keep the caffeine coming."

"I'm ready for my close up!" Chimney announced, dramatically leaping into the room, arms flourished. He grinned as everyone laughed, before taking his coffee as well.

"Since you're so ready, Chim, why don't you come for your interview first?" Buck gestured downstairs, eyes twinkling mischeviously as Chimney followed him. "We can start with you telling the story about how you got  your nickname..."

By the time the round of interviews was over, Buck was near tears. He would swear he heard his cameraman sniffing as well. Every story the 118 had told him had broken his heart and lifted him up, all at the same time, and when his friends and boyfriend shared what were the best things about being a part of the 118, Buck was honored all over again that they had welcomed him into their family.

A sudden alarm jolted Buck out of his emotions and back into the present, and he quickly followed the team as they raced towards the fire truck and flung themselves in, settling into their seats.  "You mean I can't just ride on your lap?" Buck pouted teasingly, as he ran to the driver's side of the news station van.

"You've taken a ride on my lap plenty of times, Buck," Eddie murmured into Buck's ear, "and I'm sure we can arrange another ride when we get home tonight." Smirking, he planted a quick kiss on Buck's lips before joining the others in the truck.

"You gorgeous bastard!" Buck yelled at Eddie's retreating back, Eddie's snort of laughter making Buck smile as he buckled his seatbelt and started the car.

"Whoa!" Buck's jaw dropped as he took in the crowd, and particularly the monitor lizard, in front of them. "Did you know monitor lizards have long forked tongues just like snakes?"

"Ah, a fan!" the woman nearest the lizard exclaimed, clapping her hands as Chimney darted out of the way. "His name is Claude, and the winner gets to take him home. Do you want to give it a try?"

"I'm okay over here, thanks," Buck responded quickly, as he took in the rest of the scene before him, namely the man struggling to breathe. As the 118 made their way over to the man, Buck made sure he and his cameraman stayed out of the way.

Chimney and Hen both flinched as they knelt down beside the man. Buck had the cameraman swing the camera away as soon as he realized the patient was in clear medical distress, instead having him film the other competitive eaters at the table, which unexpectedly included the woman with live cockroaches crawling back up out of her mouth.

  As the man began breathing again (and consequently began throwing up live crickets), the camerman got footage of the saved patient and the 118 loading him into the ambulance. "Did you know Joey Chestnut once ate seventy four hotdogs in ten minutes?" Buck piped up eagerly, and Eddie grinned, giving Buck a quick peck on the lips as he hurried towards the truck.

"You are so smart, babe," Eddie said proudly, Buck beaming as he slid back into the driver's seat of the van.

  "Even live bugs erupting out of people's mouths can't turn you two off from kissing, huh?" Chimney called out as he started up the ambulance. Eddie shook his head, offering Chim a proud grin and a wink as he drove off.

After rescuing a body builder from the largest charley horse anyone there had ever seen, the fire truck and news van pulled back into the station, Buck hopping out to join the 118 as they headed towards the kitchen.

"You did good, kid," Bobby said with a smile, squeezing Buck's shoulder as he passed. "You put the people above the story." Buck ducked his head, blushing, as he did a pleased little hop on his way towards Eddie.

"He's right, babe," Eddie grinned, tugging Buck into his side, planting a kiss to the top of his head. "Just like the day we met."

"Thanks, baby," Buck said with a bashful grin, turning his head to steal another kiss from his boyfriend, before squeezing his hand and pulling away. "I've got to get in a call to Taylor and give her an update before the next call."

"I'll be waiting on the couch," Eddie promised, and Buck winked at him before striding away, already pulling his phone out as he headed towards the bench right outside the station.

"Want a brownie?" Hen asked Eddie as she walked over, holding out the last brownie on the plate.

"Thanks, I'm starving," Eddie answered, grabbing the brownie and taking a bite. "Are there more treats on the table for Buck? He's just calling in to his boss."

"There are plenty of delicious snacks left," Hen promised as she settled into a chair. "Just not any more of these between you, me and Bobby."

"As  long as there's sugar," Eddie laughed, looking fondly over towards Buck, who had now hopped up onto the bench and was skipping back and forth across it as he talked into his phone.

The next call brought them all to another unexpected venue, this time a child beauty pageant. "Is that..." Buck asked, trailing off as he stared at the reason the 118 had been called.

  "A woman with a high heel stuck in her face?" Chimney responded, shaking his head as they made their way towards her. "Yes, yes it is."

  The little girls were all swarming around Buck, who had crouched down immediately and was now occupied giving out smiles and high fives to the giggling children. So it took him a bit to notice that Eddie and Hen were definitely not acting like themselves. Eddie was staring down at the kids surrounding Buck with a look of shock and some terror too, his eyes wide and his body frozen.

"Eds, you okay there?" Buck asked, carefully rising to his feet and laying a hand on Eddie's arm.

"Are we giants, Evan?" Eddie asked, dragging out every syllable, before getting distracted for a minute trying and failing to see his own tongue. "Or are these the tiniest ladies ever?"

"Um, they're definitely kids, babe," Buck responded, eyes squinted in confusion even as he couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Your hair is glowing," Eddie breathed out in awe, holding his hands out over Buck's curls. "It's making my heart warm." Buck blushed, reaching for Eddie, who just kept making grabby hands at Buck's head. Buck quickly gestured to his cameraman to stop filming, before turning to Chimney.

"Hen's doing it too," Chim answered, just as confused, as he finished up with the injured woman and watched her be taken out on a gurney. Both men turned to see Hen poking a balloon, giggling with delight each time it bounced back at her.

  "They are definitely tripping," Athena said matter-of-factly, coming up from behind them, having finished putting the high heel attacker in handcuffs. Hen hurried up, beaming as she took in Athena's face before delightedly informing her she smelled like love. Athena calmly nodded her thanks before radioing in for RA backup.

"The brownies," Chim said suddenly, turning to Athena. As Athena pressed him for more information, Buck heard Eddie start loudly crying, and ran to his boyfriend's side.

"I don't like this," Eddie blubbered as a police officer gingerly handcuffed him.

"Hey, hey sweetheart, it's going to be okay, I promise," Buck promised, cupping Eddie's face in his hands reassuringly, Eddie leaning into the touch. "Just breathe, I've got you."

Eddie sucking in air and puffing out huge dramatic breaths was definitely a sight Buck was tucking away for later, to tease his boyfriend with when it wouldn't make Eddie start crying more. Athena shook her head and sighed, exchanging a fondly exasperated look with Buck before explaining to Eddie and Hen what had happened.

"We don't want you to hurt yourselves or anyone else," Athena finished, as Hen was beginning to reach for her for another sniff and a hug.

"Yeah, yeah I like that idea," Eddie choked out. As Athena helped guide them towards the door, the backup RAs rushing in, Eddie tugged back towards Buck.

  "I've got you, let's get you somewhere you feel safe," Buck said gently, squeezing Eddie's arm in reassurance.

"I love you, beautiful Buck," Eddie whispered into Buck's ear, before planting a sloppy kiss on Buck's cheek and letting himelf be led away, a stunned Buck following silently behind him.

Stumbling out of the bunkroom a few hours later, Eddie blinked at the bright lights, sighing gratefully as Buck pressed a large glass of water into his hands. After Eddie downed the entire glass without stopping, Buck refilled it and joined Eddie on the couch.

  "Are you feeling okay now?" Buck asked softly, as Eddie placed the now-empty second glass on the table and leaned his head onto Buck's shoulder.

"Just got a headache, dry mouth, and an overwhelming sense of humilation," Eddie huffed out, burying his face in Buck's shirt. "I can't even imagine what came out of my mouth."

"You don't remember, huh?" Buck sighed softly, and Eddie quickly lifted his head to look at him.

"Buck, please don't tell me I said something horrible to you," Eddie said quickly, grabbing at Buck's hands. "I was out of my mind, I had no idea what I was saying."

"That's what I was afraid of," Buck mumbled, staring at the floor. Eddie tugged at his hands until Buck looked at him again, and Eddie's eyes grew wise as he took in the pained look on Buck's face. Reluctantly, Buck pulled away before responding. "Eddie, you told me you love me."

"Shit, that's what I was afraid of," Eddie sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. The whimper that slipped past Buck's lips, the sharp intake of shaky breath, and the footsteps quickly retreating had Eddie snapping his head back up, yelling "Buck!" as he saw his boyfriend's back moving further and further away.

Sprinting, Eddie reached out and grabbed Buck's hand, planting his feet and refusing to budge an inch as Buck tugged half-heartedly. "Eddie, please," Buck whispered, fixing his gaze on the floor. "I can't watch you walk away, okay?"

"And you think, what, that I want to watch you walk away instead?" Eddie was fully aware how much of himself he was putting on display, but he kept going, fingers under Buck's chin to tilt his head up and meet his eyes. "I meant I didn't want the first time I said it to be while I was out of my mind on laced brownies surrounded by tiny beauty queens."

  "Wait, Eddie, what..." Trailing off, Buck's breath hitched, his wide watery eyes staring into Eddie's.

"Turn the camera on," Eddie said firmly, gesturing to where the cameraman had left his equipment while he went to grab food with the crew. Buck opened his mouth, but Eddie gently lay a finger across his lips, shaking his head. "Please trust me, and turn the camera on. Point it right at me."

Buck nodded, shaky, picking up the camera and resting it on his shoulder, turning so the lens faced Eddie, who was now sitting down on the couch. As soon as the light switched on, Eddie looked straight into it. "You once asked me what was the best thing about being a firefighter with the 118," Eddie said, voice strong even as he wiped the fresh tear on his cheek. "And I said it was the comradery, that that was what I missed from being in the military, and I had found it here, again, with this team."

Lacing his fingers together, Eddie rested his chin against his knuckles, keeping his gaze focused on Buck, who appeared frozen, all breath and words caught up in his throat, eyes glued on Eddie's face. "But that's not true. I do care deeply about the people here, the family I chose, but that's not the best thing about being a firefighter here."

"Then what is?" Buck whispered, hands gripped so tight around the camera his knuckles had turned white.

  "The best thing is that I met the love of my life," Eddie said, making sure his voice was loud and clear, that both the camera and Buck couldn't miss a single word. Eddie shrugged helplessly, letting out a watery laugh as he bit his bottom lip. "This gorgeous man refused to air someone else's pain to gain viewers, and suddenly I was watching the news way more than I ever had before, just to see his face and learn his name. Turned out his name is Evan Buckley. And he's the bravest, smartest, kindest man I've ever known. And I am so, so in love with him."

Buck sniffled loudly, and Eddie knew his own voice and face were full of the degree of emotion he only ever really showed around his son...and now around Buck. There wasn't any point in fighting it, especially not if it ever made Buck doubt how much he was loved.

"So Buck, you can use this video in the story, you can keep it for yourself if you ever need a reminder of how very loved you are, you can do whatever you want with it. I know I don't always say how I feel, and I'm sorr-" His words cut off on a surprised huff as Buck suddenly put down the camera and ran to the couch, bouncing onto the cushions and tackling Eddie onto his back, immediately wrapping his arms around him.

"I love you too, Eds, so much," Buck sniffled, wiping at his eyes, "and if this is you keeping your emotions hidden, I don't think I would survive having you turn them on full force." Eddie laughed, grinning up at Buck full force, before reaching up and pulling him down into a slow, tender kiss, one that Buck eagerly reciprocated.

When the special on the 118 aired, Eddie and Buck watched it snuggled up on the couch with Christopher, all three in their pajamas and surrounded by empty pizza boxes and popcorn bowls. Christopher giggled and clapped his hands every time he saw his dad, and patted Buck's cheek with a grin every time he heard one of Buck's voiceovers play over the images on the screen.

The special concluded with a montage of the 118, all explaining why they joined the station and what it meant to them. Eddie heard his sound bites about the military and comradery interspersed with the others, before the camera focused in on him again. "The best thing is that I met the love of my life," Eddie heard himself say, the image on screen changing to a video clip of Eddie hard at work on the scene of a car crash, the very first day and the very same place he and Buck had met.

"The best thing is that I met the love of my life too," Buck's voiceover rang out over the footage, before the video faded out to a wideshot of the fire station. "And he is a hero, surrounded by heroes. The 118 never hesitate, never put their safety over the well being of others. They spend long days and nights in harrowing conditions, helping people through horrific experiences, and these brave men and women never ask for anything but to know where the next emergency is. We all owe the dedicated members of the 118 far more than we may ever know. So next time you pass by a fire station, think about saying thank you, even though they will never ask you to."

Eddie couldn't stop smiling, pressing kiss to Buck's temple, who grinned up at him from where he was nestled into Eddie's side.

The video shifted to one of Buck, hanging off the fire truck by one hand, grinning mischeviously. "Just please, please don't bring brownies. Try a nice gift card instead. Trust me on this. This is Evan Buckley, signing off, thank you for watching."

Eddie's laughter rang out over the closing credits.

If you would like to be added to my Buddie fanfiction taglist and/or my Good News on My TV Screen taglist specifically, just let me know!

@dancer-me @buddie-buddie​ @perfectlynervousbeard​ @i-had-bucky​

[lovehotelreservation]

Formulaic

Summary: There was a process to every solution.

And while Cid was aware of one particular solution he so dearly wished to attain, the process was simply too formidable to even attempt:

To confess his feelings to Maria, the Warrior of Light.

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: WoL!OC/Cid

EVERY TIME I SEE CID I GET WHIPLASH THAT HE’S ONLY 34 HEWWO ??? MANS LOOKS LIKE HE’S GOT WERTHER’S ORIGINAL KISSES NOT LA CROIX MAKEOUT SESSIONS!!!

ANYWAY HFLKAFHAKL THANK YOU TO MY DEAREST COMMISSIONER FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY--ESP SINCE I PROGRESSED FURTHER ON THE OMEGA SERIES BECAUSE OF THIS!!!

---------------- Cid regretted ever fixing that damn kettle.

While doing so finally got the whinging pursed lips of Nero to finally hush up so he could hone his focus upon Garlond Ironworks’ current endeavor of seeking out Omega, the repair of the Mark XIV Thermocoil Boilmaster only served to give his lifelong rival all the opportunity to cozy up to the very person that Cid wanted him to stay the furthest away from.

Or attempt to at least.

A personality utterly kind and demure, eyes grey like rain clouds on a cozy morning, soft and silken locks of gold that cascaded to the middle of her back, a mind so brilliant and witty.

Eorzea’s Warrior of Light, but his own precious weakness.

She was Maria and oh how his heart yearned for her.

All while his eyes bore holes into the ground beneath which Nero stood every time he approached her with a mischievous glint in his eyes and an arrogant smirk on his face.

While Cid was more than overjoyed to see Maria fix herself a cup of tea during the lulls between endeavors in the Datascape, whenever she went to pour herself a drink, Nero was sure to be trailing after her, going on about superior blends in Garlemald and how he was more than ready to show her the breadth of his refined palate.

His intentions were clear.

And though Cid was ever prepared to step in as need be to keep Nero from pestering her further, the crux of the underlying issue in face of all this remained present in place:

His own feelings for Maria.

If the situation called for it, he could easily give a fully articulated lecture on the Allagans while inebriated to the point he was face planted on the floor in a drunken and naked slump right in the middle of Sapphire Avenue during peak Starlight shopping season.

But to confess how he genuinely felt about the woman who captivated him so dearly, who inspired him to go beyond any boundary?

The thought of risking the friendship that he treasured with her like nothing else was enough to push him to drink.

After all, with how often that the world relied on her strength to help defend it, he was protective of her--even lamenting that time he jokingly declared his need for her mainly due to her usefulness while he was guiding her through the tumultuous depths of The Praetorium.

Yet with the aftermath of that infamous night in Ul’dah and her subsequent escape to Ishgard, it was then that he began to realize that his fondness for her went beyond mere allies, mere friends.

This was made apparent the moment they were properly reunited after her far too close encounter with the Vundu at the Sea of Clouds, having successfully escaped pursuit by the Bismarck.

What with the way he could not hold himself back from taking her into his arms, hugging her close as all tension within his body was swiftly relieved as he took her in.

Her presence, her scent, her adorably surprised stammers as he embraced her right in front of Hauchefant and Emmanellain.

Along with Wedge and Biggs, with the former letting out a startled “Chief--!” while the other released the hearty chuckle of “Aye boss, demonstration of affection’s handled a whole lot differently in Ishgard, you know!”

For all his intentions to never let her go from the moment he feared the worst upon her disappearance, he was ever quick to relinquish her, a faint dust of pink spreading across his cheeks.

Cid was thankful that she didn’t seem to catch onto Biggs’s cheeky remark, looking so gorgeously flustered more so from his sudden embrace, despite her attempts to look composed in light of their reunion.

And it was from then on that he happily took his place within her journey, whether physically together during their attempts to thwart the return of Alexander, or when they were apart and remained joined together by way of letter or linkpearl.

To hear her say or see his name in her handwriting was a joy that could not ever be replicated by anything else.

As a pursuer of knowledge, he had to abide by what was factual.

There was no denying of his longing for Maria.

Not while he had Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie chiming in to ask if he had been talking to her whenever they handed her letters to him with knowing smiles on their faces.

And now, with Maria dedicating her time and effort to assist him and the rest of Garlond Ironworks with Omega’s ongoing trials, he could feel his heart welling with his increasingly overwhelming desire to express how he felt.

It was just only more irritating that Nero had stoked the flames by his pompous ways, of which left plenty on Cid’s mind, especially with the completion of the first gambit of battles under Omega’s watch and the return to Rhalgr’s Reach for some needed rest and recuperation.

Though, relaxation was in the furthest corner of his mind, whether by the mystery of Omega’s intentions or his current predicament of his feelings towards Maria.

With the hour late, rather than try to force himself back to sleep within the sleeping quarters set aside for Garlond Ironworks, he thought a walk around the now quiet compound would serve him better instead.

A change between sleeping clothes to a light shirt and a pair of pants--more suitable for the arid Ala Mhigan weather.

There was a small grin on his face as he emerged from the sleeping area.

Already he could hear Maria’s voice of exasperated curiosity with the inquiry of “How are you not evaporating?” whenever she saw his usual day to day attire.

Yet the voice that was in his head was heard by his very ears as he entered the common area that led out to the rest of Western Rhalgr’s Reach.

“Cid?”

Seated at one of the communal tables was none other than Maria, her expression curious and mug in her hands steaming, all while the Mark XIV Thermocoil Boilmaster presided by her on the tabletop.

The gods may toy but sometimes their mischief was simply too much.

His heart aflutter and his grin widening, Cid approached where Maria was sitting. “Well now, someone’s up late.”

The corners of her mouth quirked into a small smile as she proceeded to take a sip. “I see it as being up early.”

But though her tone was jovial and her expression relaxed, there was a distant look in her eye that signified a preoccupation.

He knew that look.

“I see--though, a warrior like yourself ought to get her rest, no?” Pulling out the chair beside her, he proceeded to take a seat, all while his grey eyes gazed towards her with concern. “Tell me, what keeps you up on this good night, Maria?”

While it was often joked that Cid was married to the pursuit of knowledge, he liked to think that his devotion to his studies made him especially perceptive of properly assessing emotion.

For surely, who else happily devoted one’s efforts to knowing so much of Maria such as he?

It was then that she set her mug down on the table.

Just before she turned towards him, her lips forming into a pout.

A pout he so dearly wished to kiss.

Huffing, she remarked as her arms folded over her chest, “Are we speaking about the general burden of being the go-to person for everyone’s dilemma, or that Nero is getting under my skin again? Take your pick.”

No words in modern and/or Allagan vernacular could fully describe the relief that washed over Cid’s body.

Still, always wishing for her to be at peace, he responded in turn with a sympathetic grin as he chuckled, “Ahh, one of those pesky reasons to stay up. What has our comrade in reluctant arms done this time?”

Maria turned her attention towards her mug on the table.

Her favorite one of the Garlond Ironworks’s collection, which Cid always made sure to have on hand whenever she was working alongside them.

Though many thoughts were swirling in her mind at this very moment--especially with Cid sitting right beside at an otherwise romantic hour--she continued as disdain intertwined itself with each word she spoke, “Earlier, Nero insisted that I try his cup of tea, and right when I did, he started gloating about an indirect kiss.”

If the thought of Maria’s voice energized his soul to go on a walk at such a late time, the mere utterance of Nero thinking himself to be so charming he could think to flirt in such a way made the inklings of a migraine begin to form within Cid’s head.

With her body visibly cringing at the recollection, the late hour had her lamenting out loud, “Is every brilliant mind from Galemand as big of a pompous know-it-all like him?”

“Well I like to think of myself as a humble servant to the majesty of study,” Cid teased with a shrug.

Setting her cheek against her palm while her elbow set upon the table, she remarked with a shake of her head, “You’re the exception.”

Cid had to wonder if he just gulped down a mug of tea himself with the rush of heat that suddenly surged through his chest. He let out another laugh, richer, deeper. “I take it that you’re not as keen to receive Nero’s odd attempts at courting?”

Maria’s eyes closed as she groaned at the thought, “I’d rather kiss the floor of the Gold Saucer during the summer season.”

“Then, would you prefer a kiss from elsewhere…?”

And then her eyelids fluttered open.

The lightheartedness in Cid’s tone had subsided into one of sincerity, as matched by the look in his eyes while he peered directly towards her.

Though unsure of how to feel or proceed, everything within her body encouraged her to step forward towards what she had yearned for so long.

And so, ever shyly but with her eyes gazing right into his, she murmured, “...If it must come from elsewhere, it can only come from one person.”

His breath caught in his throat. “‘One person…?’”

Her face grew warm from embarrassment. “I think you can figure it out, humble servant to the majesty of study.

Cid couldn’t resist from gasping with delight. “Gods Maria--”

His hands swiftly cupped her cheeks and their mouths met for a long awaited kiss, the warmth of the tea on her lips making them both melt further into their connection.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, bringing the two of them closer. 

It was yearning now fulfilled, a flood of long withheld affection bursting forth, a craving for one another looking to be satisfied, to be changed from midnight fantasy to joyful fruition.

Kisses once shy and careful turned earnest and heated, tongues stumbling against one another as hands groped with need.

Were it not knowing her penchant for reservation, he would have ravaged her right then and there at the commons table.

Instead, he opted to lift her up into a carry, her arms and legs hugging around his shoulders and waist as he hurriedly brought her back to his quarters, his walk and her tea forgotten.

Surely, this had to be a dream in some way, no?

But as her back fell upon his mattress, as their hands continued to undress and feel each other as physical confirmation that what was occurring was very much real, the joys of the present couldn’t have been more sweet.

And how Cid savored her moans like that of an addictive confection.

Even without trying to be mindful of others at this late hour, Maria stifled her moans out of shyness, all while her back arched into warmth of Cid’s lips as they kissed over her dribbling core, the bristles of his facial hair scratching against her quivering as he eagerly lapped his tongue along her slit with long and indulgent strokes.

Though, she couldn’t quite be as quiet when she was eventually seated on his lap, her face buried into his shoulder as she rode his cock, all while one of his big sturdy hands held onto her hip while the other fondled her ass, guiding her up and down the length of his thick dick at a brisk pace.

This provided an ample opportunity to plant his lips along the crook of her neck, gentle suckles leaving red marks in their wake.

While he knew that Maria would do everything in her power to understandably cover up, the thought of Nero thinking twice to pursue her while seeing the marks on her neck was satisfying.

But nowhere near as satisfying as feeling the muffled whimpers of his name from her lips against his skin, the hot and slippery confines of her slick walls squeezing around his cock, up until they reached their orgasms with her core clamping onto his dick and his seed flooding inside her in a lascivious, scorching burst.

Much like as they began, they ended with their lips on one another’s yet again as they fell back onto his mattress, joined together now by their arms embracing one another, fingers intertwining, his lips against her temple, her head nestling upon the sturdiness of his chest.

Though they would have much to fully confide and earnestly convey once their bodies were properly rested, both Cid and Maria were relieved, their hearts feeling warm.

Far warmer than any brewed cup of tea.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[juliettalfacharlie]

Day 5, alt: "I'm sorry."

CW illness, vomiting, and injury. Shameless plug for the house I designed.

Kya awoke to the sound of violent retching, and she immediately threw off the covers and hurried down the hall. Lin had begun a new medication for chronic pain. A lifetime spent on the police force meant her body had been bruised and battered more times than Lin could begin recalling, and her spinal discs had worn out far more rapidly than others her age. She experienced pain and stiffness, which otherwise would have had a chance of being manageable, but she also had weakened muscle control and infrequent numbness in her legs. She'd been forced to retire years before she'd ever planned, and it had been extremely difficult for her to cope with.

Walking had become a challenge on the worst days, and even when she retained feeling in her lower body, she felt fiery pain in her back whenever she moved. The spine wasn't an area with abundant bloodflow, and healing couldn't repair collagen; Kya was absolutely miserable watching her struggle, unable to assist in any physical way.

Lin was nauseous in the late afternoon, a few hours after taking the pills. She'd insisted on sleeping in the guest room so she wouldn't wake Kya if she felt ill. Kya had firmly opposed, but Lin wouldn't be swayed. In the end, Kya gave in, hoping it was just because Lin believed she'd weather the illness better alone.

Now, standing atop the wrong carpet, looking into the wrong bathroom, Kya was filled with extreme regret over not fighting her more. Lin was leaning heavily on the sink, forearms supporting most of her weight. Her legs trembled, as she was clearly experiencing partial paralysis, and her chest shook with heaving breaths. The room was almost pitch black, like she hadn't had the time to turn on the light before she heaved into the basin.

"Lin?" Kya called, voice soft. She couldn't be sure if Lin was aware of her presence, incapacitated as she was.

Her girlfriend gagged though nothing came up. She grunted, trying to clear her throat. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" she asked, uncharacteristically quiet. Her throat was horribly sore. "I should have gone to the treehouse."

Kya had moved to Lin's side, and she froze, horrified. "Losing an hour of sleep is nothing compared to you struggling without any support." she chided, wiping sweat from Lin's cool forehead.

"I shouldn't need support, it's only emesis." the younger woman countered, hands clenched into fists. Kya hardened, easily seeing through Lin's spiked boldness.

"If you're sick, I want to be there. Please don't try and hide it from me. I shouldn't have let you sleep alone." Kya murmured, carefully rubbing a hand over Lin's shoulders.

The metalbender shuddered, eyes fluttering shut. Her brows were pinched, and Kya couldn't tell if it was due to physical discomfort or a conflict of emotions. Lin had never wholly embraced being taken care of, and it had worsened immensely as her body began to break down.

Lin's muscles tensed, once again heaving into the sink. Her stomach had emptied itself of her lunch, and instead she coughed up a surge of bile.

The sting in her throat made her gag, gut twisting painfully. She swiped at the faucet handles, turning the tap on full blast.

Kya bent water around the basin, cleaning the sides, before she brought a globe of fresh water to Lin's face. Her wife opened her mouth and rinsed out the taste, then Kya also sent that down the drain.

Lin instinctively wiped her mouth though it was dry, before rubbing away the tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes. Kya shut off the water, keeping a small amount on her palm, and she raised her hand to Lin's neck.

The younger woman tilted her chin up just so, allowing Kya access to heal the irritation along her throat. It was a process that only took a few moments, and soon enough Lin was clean and well once again.

Lin struggled off of her forearms, pressing her palms into the counter as she slowly straightened her back. She exhaled in pain, eyes once again falling shut.

"Will you come back to bed with me?" Kya asked, and Lin nodded once, holding one arm out.

Wordlessly, Kya slipped under it, supporting some of Lin's weight as she stood fully.

The first steps Lin took were terribly shaky, knees and ankles not bending correctly, but Kya was used to the imbalance. She tightened her arm around Lin's ribs, helping her break through the stiffness. By the time they were in the hallway, Lin had more control over herself, and she stopped hanging off of Kya's neck.

The pace was slow, neither wanting to risk a misstep, but with tired minds the time seemed to pass by quickly anyways.

Kya brought Lin to the edge of their bed, carefully letting her sit. The earthbender's face was still tight with pain.

"Uh, would you mind getting the warming balm?" Lin whispered, and Kya quickly replied in the positive.

A mix of camphor and menthol seemed to the the only relief for Lin's back pain, as she didn't typically want to try ingestible pain reliever. This night was the first time she'd caved, though it clearly hadn't helped; Kya would certainly have a word with Lin's physician come morning.

Jars of the salve were kept across the house, and Kya grabbed the one kept inside the nightstand. It was most frequently replaced, as any niggling pain made it difficult for Lin to sleep.

Lin reclined and turned onto her side, back facing Kya. The waterbender unscrewed the lid, taking a healthy dollop onto her finger before she set the container on the bedside table. She slid her clean hand under Lin's t-shirt, pushing it up her back.

Neither woman spoke as Kya rubbed the salve into Lin's muscles, trying to ease some of the tension within. It was relieving that Lin had asked for help in the first place. When she was tired she was still prone to shutting Kya out, as she'd done at first, but a lot of progress had been made regarding clear communication. Lin's progressive decline had caused a hiccup in their seamless coexistence, though it never affected their relationship beyond a few hours of brooding here and there.

As the balm began to take effect, Lin's back finally relaxed. Kya felt the tension slowly ebb until she'd all but melted into the mattress, clearly exhausted.

Kya removed her hands, pulling Lin's top down to cover the balm. One hand lingered atop Lin's hip as she leaned in, placing a kiss on the back of Lin's neck.

"Thank you." Lin spoke, gravely and weak. When she cleared her throat Kya could imagine the pinched annoyance on her face.

"You're welcome. Of course, Lin," Kya responded, "All I want is for you to feel like you can rely on me for help." she said.

Lin slowly turned onto her back, taking Kya's hand in hers. "It isn't that I don't trust you. I hope you don't think that," she sighed, considering her words. She’d been silently working to articulate her feelings, not wanting Kya to ever doubt her role in Lin’s life.

"It's- I'm telling you, it's all me. I've always been against letting people see my... imperfections, or- weaknesses. Weaknesses. You know my retirement was hard, and spirits, the press. But what felt even worse was just, how.... you were so understanding, always. I'd have a bad day and you would simply work around it, like it was no big deal. You stayed with me during Vesak instead of spending it on the island, and I was terrible to you that day. I felt so much loathing for myself, and I still do. I'm so grateful to have you, but I- it's," she paused, a noise of frustration in her throat. It was hard enough to procure the words to what she was feeling, but she was also extremely mindful not to say something that could be taken harmfully. She went over her thoughts to weed out phrases that sounded ungrateful, or implied she didn’t trust Kya, as it was the opposite of what she wanted to communicate.

Despite the silence, Kya didn't speak; Lin was telling her, it wasn't a conversation. The metalbender needed to voice her thoughts without comment. Any words of affirmation refuting her statements only made her retreat. Kya was able to show Lin, later on, how she herself saw things differently.

"I never saw myself having this future. Not only the retirement part, however awful it's been, but our relationship. When we were younger it was because of our ages, but even when you came out I didn't think you'd ever look my way. While I wasn't romantically attracted to you, I always pictured you finding that perfect partner; brilliant, beautiful, selfless, adventurous, maybe even someone who shared your terrible sense of humour. Whoever it was, she’d have all of your wonderful qualities as well. I think- I’ve been putting far too much pressure on myself to live up to that, I suppose,” Lin was partially speaking aloud for herself at that point, voicing niggling thoughts and realizing their truth. “I’m sorry I’ve been difficult.” she mumbled, though it was the wrong thing to say.

Kya tsk’d, “You’re not allowed to apologize for being upset or feeling unwell.” she reminded firmly, and Lin squeezed her hand.

“I’m sorry I tried to hide from you, then. You don’t deserve that.” Lin corrected.

“I’m glad you’re speaking to me now. I know everyone copes in their own ways, and I understand your silence, but if you need help it’s pertinent I know,” the waterbender said, scooting closer to Lin’s side, “You’re aware of it, and I know you’re trying. I’m not upset.” she emphasized, and Lin turned her head into Kya’s chest.

“I love you.” she said, bringing their joined hands up to shoulder-level. Come morning she’d hopefully be able to explain more, but she’d exhausted both her mental and physical reserves. Sensing it, Kya’s other arm went around Lin’s stomach. She was halfway-sideways and halfway on her stomach, laying atop her girlfriend, and Lin enjoyed her warm weight.

“I know.” Kya replied, tucking her chin down on the crown of Lin’s head. “I love you too.” she murmured, finally letting her eyes fall shut.

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Supernatural vs. How I Met Your Mother

I just want to start by saying that I mean no disrespect to any different interpretations of either show. These are just some similarities I noticed myself. I’ve been debating back and forth on posting this (I’ve never posted a full detailed meta on anything before), but hopefully it makes sense. I struggled with the finales of both these shows and these are my thoughts on why the struggle feels so familiar.

The Leading Man (Sam Winchester vs. Ted Mosby)

First of all, I love both these characters. Neither are my favorite character, but I identify with both and they’re similar in that they both have gigantic hearts and are often the voice of reason. Both characters start off their shows as the lead character. The story of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ is all about the journey Ted takes on his path to meet the love of his life. The story of ‘Supernatural’ is about a boy who gets dragged on an adventure with his brother to fights angels, demons, and all sorts of monsters. But, as the show goes on, both shows become about more than just one character and their journey. Both Ted and Sam end up being sidelined more often than they probably should. In an effort for circular storytelling, the finale puts both Sam and Ted back into the role of the main character, bookending the story. There’s nothing wrong with this. There is an argument to be made that both these shows ended exactly as they should have. But there are complications that arise when the finale focuses on ending one specific character’s journey and that’s where a lot of the criticism arise.

The Lost Agency (Dean Winchester vs. Robin Scherbatsky)

In the case of any good story, a leading man needs a leading lady. They need a character who is their partner and main foil. In the case of Supernatural, Sam’s closest relationship is with Dean. In the case of How I Met Your Mother, Ted’s closest relationship is with Robin. I love Dean and Sam’s relationship. I love Robin and Ted’s relationship. The problem is that both Dean and Robin are also character’s in their own right. In the case of Dean, he has an entire arc about learning to accept himself as the dorky loving caretaker that he is. In the case of Robin, she has an entire arc about chasing her dreams and being a career-driven woman. The finales force both character’s back into being defined by their relationship to the leading man. Dean becomes Sam’s older brother and his death serves to send a message that we must “carry on” when we lose someone we love. But Dean, a character who had just escaped his trauma and was ready to live, didn’t deserve to die. To anyone who liked Dean, it sends a message that “some people are too broken to find happiness”. Robin becomes Ted’s love interest and her ending serves to show that “true love conquers all”. But Robin, as a character, wasn’t looking to settle down. To anyone who liked Robin, it sends a message that a woman can’t be happy if she chooses her career over a man. Both these character’s lose their agency to fit back into roles that they had (mostly) grown out of. 

The Missing Woman (Eileen Leahy vs. Tracy McConnell)

In the process of ending the story where it began, the leading man himself has to lose the person he’s grown to see himself with. Sam and Dean can’t have their brotherly ending with Eileen hanging around. Ted can’t save Robin from herself if Tracy is still alive. Both the characters of Eileen and Tracy were introduced (or reintroduced) in the final season of their shows and both shows made an effort to build their relationships with the leading men over the course of the season. It’s a difficult task to build a romance this late into the game, but both women were strong enough character’s on their own that they won over a decent portion of the audience. It helps that they were both sweet, kickass, and charismatic characters in their own right. Eileen understood the hunting life and knew Sam’s complicated history. Tracy appreciated Ted’s quirks and laughed at his bad jokes. But neither woman fit in with the circular storytelling of the finale and were swiftly cut from the story (or killed off).

The Unexpected Fan Favorite (Castiel vs. Barney Stinson)

It’s always a pain when a character hijacks your plot isn’t it? In the case of both these characters, they were never intended to “steal the show”. They were never intended to have such a dedicated fan following, become fan favorites, or take up so much of the plot. They certainly weren’t expected to fall in love with the secondary lead. Both these character started off cold-hearted. They were the ones with the great one-liners, moments of sheer “awesomeness”, and just generally fun characters to play around with. But then things got complicated. Both character changed significantly due to the love they had for the secondary lead. This was never supposed to happen in either case. Both characters grew outside of what the narrative had intended for them. In order for the finale to work, both characters needed to be sidelined. But, because the characters had such large and devoted fanbases, the writers couldn’t be too terrible towards them. So both characters were allowed to have happy endings with their respective children. They could keep their loving and affectionate personalities, but instead of aiming it at the object of their affections, they could aim it at fatherhood. It’s a happy enough ending and it keeps them out of the finale.

The Core of the Show (Sam & Dean vs. Ted/Robin)

Both these shows started off by focusing on the relationship between two characters. In the case of Supernatural, it’s always been about the brothers and their relationship. In the case of How I Met Your Mother, it was all about Ted’s romance with Robin. I love both these pairs. But over time the characters had to learn to form a healthier bond with each other. The brothers learn to be less codependent and stop lying to each other so much. Sam becomes more independent and starts to get interested in learning spells and leading hunters. Dean starts trusting Sam more and stops lying to protect him. In the case of Robin and Ted, they break up when they discover that they both want different things out of their relationship. Ted wants a family and Robin is more focused on her career. Sam and Dean remain the heart and soul of the show from start to finish, but over time they learn to allow more characters into their lives. Ted and Robin's friendship remains important to the show, but the show grows to be about more than that. The ending put both these relationships back into the center stage. 

The Lost Love (Sam/Eileen vs. Ted/Tracy)

The love that could never be. Both these relationships are mostly built during the final seasons of their respective shows, but still manage to win over a significant portion of their audience. Only to abruptly get thrown away in the final episode. They are both sweet pairings where the leading man finds a woman who can love them for all that they are. A rare find in a story that has often dealt the leading men a rough deck. Some fans are happy Eileen/Tracy were scrapped, while others wish the show could have let the character grow and start a new story. But the writers wanted to end the story where they began and focus on the relationship that started it all. There’s no space for these new characters in a circular finale.

The Unexpected Pairing (Dean/Castiel vs. Barney/Robin)

These pairings were never supposed to happen. But sometimes actors and actresses have a lot of chemistry and things don’t go according to plan. In both cases, the writers chose to play into the chemistry and both pairings developed deep relationships over the course of the series. In the case of Barney and Robin, they became an actual couple with an on-again-off-again relationship that eventually culminates in a final season focused on their wedding. In the case of Dean and Castiel, they became closer friends over the course of the show, culminating in a final season that places a heavy focus on their relationship issues and their path to reconciliation. Both pairings were crucial to the final season. Until the ending. Right before the final episode of How I Met Your Mother, Barney and Robin finally get married. Right before the final episode of Supernatural, Castiel finally confesses his romantic feelings for Dean. Immediately following the episode where Robin and Barney say “I do”, they get divorced. Immediately following Castiel’s confession, Castiel dies and Dean never addresses his feelings and quickly moves on from the death. After years of build-up, both relationships are thrown out the window so that the leading man can have his happy ending with the one he loves most. 

The Controversial Ending (Supernatural vs. How I Met Your Mother)

I love both these shows. Throughout High School, How I Met Your Mother was my favorite show. Recently, Supernatural has become one of my favorite shows. There’s a lot of good both shows have given me and I definitely still love them despite their problematic elements. Personally, I hated both endings. In both cases, I believe that the shows failed by trying to end their stories where they began. Life is unpredictable. Things change. Character’s hijack your stories and take them to unexpected destinations. Let them. Embrace it. Life doesn’t always go according to plan and you can’t force it to. But I still love both shows and I respect those who either loved the endings, liked the endings, or have made peace with the endings. I just noticed the similarities and felt the need to gather my thoughts on the topic. Thanks to anyone who read all this and hope it made some sense :)

[mackeydoodledoo]

Family History

Pairing: Agatha Harkness x Cassia Beryl (Fem!Demigod) [Non-romantic]

Summary: You were finally ready to talk to Agatha about her Father. However, you had to leave Wanda, you pained to leave her. But Wanda reassured you she'd be fine for a couple of days alone and that it was time for you to make some amends. So you make your solo journey to visit Agatha.

Warning(s): Daddy Issues, Past Trauma, slight SMUT (Agatha’s memories)

A/N: This is after Promises. Where Cassia visits Agatha (before the events of Multiverse of Madness) and is finally comfortable enough for her godly parent history. Btw, Cassia and Wanda are now dating :)

----------------------------------- You emerge from a puddle in Agnes' driveway. You could feel your heart in your ears and your breaths caught in your throat. 

"Cass, I think it's time for you to make amends with your father," Wanda suggests, "Go see Agatha and see what your father's history is all about." 

"But. But Wanda I'm not going to-" 

"Love, I'm going to be fine," she says as she kisses your cheek, "It's been months now. I think it's time." 

You sigh. You could feel Wanda's fingers curl against your cheek, you lean into her touch and hold her hand. 

"I.. I don't know if I can leave you again," you sigh, "I can't." 

"I can survive a few days without you breathing down my neck Cass," Wanda replies calmly, "Go. I'll be fine." 

And now you're here... Back in that hell hole. However, you shook off your nerves and began walking toward Agnes' door, now donning a more blendable outfit. 

"Hiya hon," Agnes says after she opens the door 

"Agath- I mean Agnes right?" You ask, trying to sound unsuspicious 

"That’s me hon," she smiles, "why don't you come in?" 

Nervous, you walk in and seat yourself right across from Agnes. 

"Have we met before hon?" She asks, giving you that creepy smile 

"Yes and no," you say,  "Well, when I used to live here we were neighbors. Then I moved out for awhile and I think you don’t remember me." 

"Non-sense hon I remember everyone that comes and goes." She says, "Now let me get a look at you hot stuff." 

You nearly blush however, getting the vile Wanda gave you before you left. 

"Here's some of my magic to mix with your water abilities to get Agatha to remember her true self,"  Wanda holds out the vile to you 

"Oh, thanks," you say, "I could easily do it myself you know 

"Yeah, but my magic has a good hold on her, so your water memory won't work as well," she says, "now get out of here." 

You give her a short but sweet kiss and then run into the water set out in front of you.

In a heartbeat, mixing your water "magic" with Wanda's, you toss it at Agnes, Agatha coming back through. 

"Oh... What are you doing here?" She asks, monotonous 

"Okay, listen, I know I tricked you before, but this time; no tricks, nothing up my sleeve, no escape plan," you say, "Just me. I know when I told you then I wanted to know about your history with my father... And when I told you I'd come back around when I'm ready to talk about it? Well, this is the moment I'm ready. So start talking." 

Agatha sits back into her chair as she looks up at the ceiling, wondering where to start. She then used her magic to take the two of you back into her memories. 

"It started when I was in a trial with my coven," she begins 

[Seven Witches begin chanting in Latin] 

"I can't control it!" Young Agatha pleas, "If only you would teach me! Mother please!" 

Their hands began glowing blue; flowing with magic. However, before they could make use of said magic, they hear the water beginning to run louder and louder. They all turn to see the commotion. A vortex forming; then a figure flying out of it. Shards of ice begin forming at the figures' will and then pierces each sister, however, the supposed leader of the coven destroys it before it reaches her. The figure lands in front of Agatha. 

"You shouldn't be having such trials near my home. Finding bodies in the ocean isn't fun," the figure says 

"He was... Handsome, god he was just... dazzling," Agatha says, breathlessly 

"Yeah, well they're always dazzling," you scoff, your attention back onto the memory 

The man and the witch fight however, the witch gaining he upper hand. But, Agatha manages to break free from the magical binds and shoots purple colored magic at her. 

"You have betrayed your coven!" The witch yells 

"Yet you are trying to kill your own daughter?" Agatha spits back 

The old witch stood again, this time, a faint blue crown forming along her forehead. She chants in Latin and throws the same blue magic at Agatha. The man watches in agony as the beautiful woman he saved is in pain. But, the purple magic Agatha possesses, begins over powering the blue magic, the man looks over to the old witch and notices that their life-force is being drained. Once the old witch collapsed, the young witch walks over to her and takes something off of the now dead witch. 

"You saved my life?" She asks 

"That I did," he says, standing up, "a woman as beautiful as you shouldn't go through this." 

Time skips to a month later and you see the man; Poseidon emerging from the water and running over to a cottage. You watch as your father knocks on the door; Agatha opens it and let's him in. Another time skip to a couple months later and you see them sitting next to one another on the single bed. 

"I've never met anyone like you, as extraordinary as you are," he says as he gently takes hold of the young witch's hand 

"Oh fun that’s where I got the fascination for magical beings from," you groan 

"And I've never fell in love with a god before," she says, leaning closer to him 

He closes the gap between them and His fingers running into her hair. She climbs into his lap as his other arm coils around her waist. Her hands cup his cheeks as she deepens the kiss. He strips off  his shirt, revealing his toned body. He pushes Agatha back onto the bed. However, she stops him before then and she stands up, with her back towards him. In an instant he knew what she wanted him to do, he stands up and unbuttoned her dress. He watches it fall down her luscious figure as she slowly turns around to face him. 

"You're really making me watch this?" You lean over to the present Agatha as you watch the young Agatha and your father get intimate 

"We don't have to if you don’t wanna watch," present Agatha groans as she snaps her fingers, slightly time skipping to the morning 

Young Agatha turns over and smiles when she sees your father was still there.  But, he stirs and opens his eyes. Looking down at her. 

"Good morning," she yawns 

"Morning," he says, with a raspy yet attractive low tone 

Another time skip to when Agatha and Cassia's Father are near the ocean. 

"Do you have to go?" Agatha asks, sorrowfully 

"I must," he says, tucking hair behind Agatha's ear, "But I'm certain we can see each other again somewhere in the future." 

The both of them look down to Agatha's belly... Pregnant... 

"Tell our child of how proud I am of him," he says 

He turns from Agatha and leaps into the water, disappearing. 

You and Present Agatha return to her home, seemingly still in the same seat. 

"So... I had a step-cousin?" You ask, "Where are they now?" 

"Dead," Agatha answers, "He grew old like most humans." 

"I see..." you sigh, "Did my father ever come to visit you?" 

"Not really," she sniffles, "I want to, more than anything..." 

I'm about to regret this decision... "Come with me," you say, standing up 

"What?" She asks 

"We're going on a trip," you say, monotonous, "Come on..." 

She stands up and begins following you towards the front door. You hold onto her hand as you begin creating water and making a portal. 

"Things in the last five years really gets you learning things." You sigh as you let Agatha step through first 

You hop in after her and close the portal. The both of you end up at a beach; leading towards the ocean. You turn to Agatha. 

"Open your mouth," you say, calmly 

On command she does. In an instant you flick water into her face, some she ingested. 

"What was that for?!" She asks 

"It’ll enable you to withstand water pressure," you say, taking her hand again, "Come on." 

You break into a run when you hit the water only until the water it up close to your waist you dive in, Agatha following suit. You break into a superhuman swim, Agatha nearly holding onto you for dear life. 

"You need to put this pillar over there and-" 

Before Poseidon could finish, he hears the grand doors opening and to reveal you and Agatha. 

"Cassia?" He calls 

"Don’t even try to talk to me I've brought your old lover," you say as you push Agatha toward his direction and step out 

Poseidon orders his men to do the same as he gets up from his throne. 

"Agatha?" He calls 

"It's me love," she smiles 

He walks over to her and breaks into a run and hugs her tightly. 

"I'm so sorry," he says 

"I'm here," she whispers 

"I wanted to see you But-but Zeus wouldn't let me," he explains, "I-" 

Before he continued on, you walk in, "please tell me it was the same story for mom." 

Agatha looks at you and then to him. 

"You know, a god like my father comes and goes relationship wise," you sigh 

You actually felt bad for Agatha. Someone who wanted to not be alone again, realizes her lover was with someone else. 

"That was way after I met you," he begins explaining, "She was dying." 

"She was dying huh?" You chuckle sarcastically, "What about when mom actually died? Did you even visit her at all?! I had to listen to her continuously ask where you were! I had to LIE to her and say you were on a business trip that's way too far off grid!! Where was your goodbye to her?!z" 

You felt tears running down your eyes as Agatha is stunned. She pulls away from him and begins comforting you. For the first time in your life, you felt safe when your father was looking at you. 

"I think we're done here," Agatha says, coldly, leading you out 

"Aggie-" he says 

"WE'RE DONE," Agatha leads you out

You drag her back up to the surface as she comforts you. 

"So all of a sudden you care about me now?" You ask, pulling out of her embrace 

"I don't like seeing children sad," she says, "I may be a witch but I would never let that happen." 

You sigh as you lean into Agatha's touch. The nicest feeling you felt in a long time. Since your mother's last embrace. 

"I think I need to get back to Wanda," you say, "I can get you back to Westview. I know how you want to understand Wanda. I'll come back if there's anything I need your help with." 

She nods as you open up a portal to her home. You watch her off before plopping yourself into the sea once more to return home.

"Wanda honey! I'm home!" You announce, however, you didn't feel her presence 

"Wanda?" You call again, no response 

You run into the room to see if she was in bed.... Nothing.... Oh no.... AGATHA!! Agatha can you hear me?! 

I hear you loud and clear. 

Wanda's gone, I'm coming back to you, I need your help. 

Okay. 

You run back out, now donning your hero costume and leap into the ocean... Not again Wanda....

[night-filled-mountain]

Out of nowhere and apropos of nothing, a rambling incoherent list of things about Nott and Nott-and-Caleb that give me Feelings.

On Veth Brenatto/Nott the Brave:

Nott’s entire life is all about seeing/presenting herself as less than she is.

She was bullied as a child, by her brothers and the neighborhood boys.

Then she was a contented housewife and mother, but always saw herself as second to Yeza--a support figure, depending on him, learning from him, not even necessarily deserving of his love.

“Not pretty and not brave and not coordinated and not smart and just...not.”

“He didn’t mind my strangeness...He was a brilliant chemist. I helped him and he took care of me.”

(When she reunites with Yeza, she undermines her ‘dabblings’ in alchemy in comparison to his apparent brilliance.) (Yeza himself disagrees.)

When she does acknowledge her strengths, she also acknowledges their origins, and they are either very sad (“I’ve been chased a lot in my life by boys making fun of me. I’m pretty fast.”) or serve to highlight someone else’s assistance and forethought (“a vial of acid that Yeza handed me”).

The transformation she was forced to undergo was a curse straight out of a fairy tale. It made her what she thought she was, and forced her to appreciate what she had been, but it was too late. (“But you’re so pretty!” / “I was.”)

But her whole life is about other people turning her into things, isn’t it? The bullies made her a victim, Yeza made her a wife/mother/alchemist’s assistant, and the goblins and their mystery woman made her a monster.

She was someone beautiful who could not see her beauty, someone wildly unique and “strange” who could not embrace her strangeness and flaunt it without apology...

...Until she was turned into a goblin.

Being a goblin has been so weirdly freeing for Nott. She felt that she had hit rock bottom, and in many ways, she just...let go. No more struggling to fit into social norms. No more squeezing into boxes of other people’s making. The Nott we know has always fought and shrieked, drunk to excess, stolen anything she admired, openly shared all her most outrageous suggestions, shown off her weird collections without shame.

I’m not saying all of this is healthy! Some of it is clearly coping mechanisms, and dangerous ones at that. And Sam has stated that he sees some of her excesses as being related to her goblin physiology, which emphasizes once again that this role, like all of Nott/Veth’s previous roles, is one that was forced on her. But. But.

So much of it (I would even say that “all of it” is a valid interpretation) is really just...Veth. Just Veth dialed up to eleven, without the constraints. Is she embodying a stereotypical view of goblins, or is she just letting herself be angry, messy, hedonistic, and weird for the first time in a short, sad life in which other people made her smaller than she was until she learned to do the same thing to herself?

Nott wants her true body back. She wants to be a halfling again. But she is not at all sure she wants to “go back.” To Felderwin. To her old life with the husband and son she loves. Of course she isn’t sure.

Because she’s grown so much bigger than that. Bigger and stronger and louder and messier than anything she used to be. Bigger than all the boxes she used to occupy. Bigger than anything Yeza or Luc can quite understand, because they weren’t there by her side, watching it happen.

On Nott and Caleb:

Nott defines herself by the people around her. She always has.

She met Caleb in that jail cell, saw him as small and weak and needy, and jumped at the chance to occupy a familiar role again: mother.

...Except that it was never that simple. That’s the piece that, for me, was missing from their relationship for so long. The piece that fell into place when Nott’s (former?) crush on Caleb was revealed, and made it all fit together. It was never that simple.

She wanted something from him. Veth never seems to have dared to want things from the people around her--she lived to serve her loved ones, to help and protect them. But Caleb? She wanted his magic. She wanted him to help her. And she didn’t tell him, not for the longest time. Call it ruthless, call it manipulative, or just call it a very understandable cocktail of hope and panic and shame--but it was her goal, her desire, and it meant that no matter how much she cared for Caleb and protected him, their relationship was never All About Him. She was playing her own angle the whole time. And also...

She was attracted to him. This was a fact that she absolutely could not acknowledge, because it was transgressive in so many ways. Extramarital attraction. A hideous, monstrous goblin attracted to a “handsome” human. A lifelong sidekick/helpmate/bit player in her own life daring to want a “great wizard” not only for his magic (that, at least, was permissible, because it could return her to her proper place, to her home and family; it could restore the status quo), but for his body, mind, and soul. She looked at him in that cell, in the moonlight streaming through the bars, and she wanted. And gods know it wasn’t because he ever invited her to.

(Though he didn’t scorn the idea either. I keep thinking about the scene with Keg in Shadycreek Run where she mistook them for a romantic couple and Caleb defiantly rolled with it. I even think about that early episode where Liam inadvertently used a German term of endearment for her that had romantic connotations. And the way they always slept cuddled together, and she rode on his shoulders, and they have always, always celebrated every aspect of each other--body, mind, and soul.)

But the point is that Nott’s relationship with Caleb is not one that he defined. She was always the stronger of the two; she called the shots. It was she who chose to be his “mother,” and the twin secret desires that burned deep down in her heart were entirely her own.)

On Nott and character development (ok, I just wanted to break up the bullet points a little, because goodness, this has gotten long):

...And she fundamentally did not know how to handle that. So she kept those desires buried, kept them secret. She tried to move back into her comfort zone, letting others define her and her relationships, going along with their assumptions without protest.

It is fascinating to me that the other players and characters and the viewers spent much of the campaign assuming Nott was a child. And she just...let it happen.

“I’m of child-bearing age,” she said when Jester asked, but even then, some of us (myself included, I confess!) just mentally aged her up to a rebellious teen.

To a man who she regarded simultaneously as a son, a love interest, and a tool for her own redemption, she was seen as a daughter or a little sister...and she went along with it in so many ways. It’s the lie she embodied from the first moment Sam introduced her, and referred to her as “a little goblin girl.”

Nott has always made herself lesser than she is...or let other people do so. She is so used to being diminished and self-diminishing, so leery of her own messy desires, that she would not even insist on her own adulthood until...until.

Nott’s heroic moments--the moments when she fully unleashes her own courage and strength and anger--are always the moments when her loved ones are in danger. She is the classic self-sacrificing wife/mother figure, whose self-dimmed light only shines out when others need it to.

Like when she fought the goblins and helped Yeza and Luc escape.

Like when Fjord threatened Caleb, and the others were all turning on him, and she needed to assert her own right and ability to protect him. (“But I am the parent, you do realize that, don’t you?”)

Like when she led the lizardfolk away from the others on Urukaxl. Like all the times she dove into the water for Fjord. Like when she didn’t disengage from the dragon.

“Nott the Brave” has so many layers--an ironic, self-mocking epithet, a badge of honor, and a promise to be brave for others. Only for others.

Because then it’s not really her bravery, is it? It’s borrowed from her loved ones. She is a coward who is occasionally made into something else by the brighter, stronger, worthier people she surrounds herself with.

“Self-diminishing” and “being defined by others” are the absolute fundamental cornerstones of Nott’s character. And this is both reinforced and very much complicated by her recent status as a goblin and her relationship with Caleb. (...You know how sometimes you don’t figure out your thesis statement until halfway through the essay?)

On Nott and Caleb, part 2:

The M9′s trip to Felderwin changed everything--everything--for her and for him and for the two of them. It was one of the most staggering turning points of the entire campaign.

I’ve written about this before. How one of the central “Will they or won’t they?”s of the campaign was about Caleb and Nott deciding to trust the group, and that was the point where it was resolved...

...and how, in trusting the group, they sacrificed their codependence to a large degree. How Nott’s infamous “Fuck him!” was less about anger, in the long run, than about taking her best friend off the pedestal she’d put him on, about acknowledging his fallibility, and being comfortable openly disagreeing with him.

It was about Nott becoming her own person, and Caleb learning to see her as her own person, and not just his “little friend” or protector.

But. But. It still followed the pattern.

It was about Yeza and Luc. It was about her family. It was the greatest disaster that had befallen her loved ones since the goblin abduction, and her reaction was correspondingly big.

Of course she could be brave. Of course she could be angry and assertive. Of course she could, for once, discount the feelings of her beloved wizard. Because her husband and son were in danger.

When will Nott get to be brave on her own behalf? To be angry on her own behalf? To want, want, want something, something ever so much bigger than a button, openly, unashamedly, on her own behalf?

And I think I might know the answer to that question: When she openly acknowledges something that she has already hinted at, danced around, in conversations with Caleb here and there.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

She said this to Caleb while they were riding a moorbounder together in Xhorhas, and something about it has resonated hard with me ever since.

That conversation--and the other couple of conversations Nott has had with Caleb that deal with her own conflicting desires--felt strangely like a failure. Like Caleb was sincerely doing his best to help her, but wasn’t quite getting what she was putting down.

He doesn’t know how to stop her drinking, her constant anxiety. How to soothe her fears about the future. He doesn’t know what she needs.

Is it reassurance of her family’s love? That’s been offered to her repeatedly, by Yeza, by Luc, by Caleb himself, but it’s never had much of an effect on her darker moods.

Is it her own body back? That would help a lot, for sure. Like every other member of the Mighty Nein, she’s on a journey to find herself. She thought, initially, that it was purely a journey to find something she’d lost. Caleb and the rest of the M9 think so too, I think. But there’s more to it than that.

What Nott Really Needs:

“I think you have to find those answers,” Caleb said to Nott as she expressed her ambivalence about returning home and resuming her housewife role. “Can’t you just tell me?” she pleaded.

That’s it right there, that’s the crux of her journey. And it isn’t just a journey back to a body or a family or a life she lost--it’s a journey to something entirely new. Nott craves the familiar, the safe, the known; she keeps trying to make herself small and unimportant again, to convince others to define her. But they can’t. She is too much, too big, too weird and messy and wonderful, for anyone else to squeeze her into a box anymore (she always was; she just didn’t realize it). And Caleb is the one to tell her that.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

“I love you,” she told him on the beach of Nicodranas, and sure, she meant it platonically (probably) (mostly), but it was more than friendship, more even than romance. She loves what he represents. And--the one thing she can never, ever, ever acknowledge, because it is completely antithetical to her journey as she currently sees it--a part of her loves who she has become while traveling and fighting by his side.

“These days I’ve spent with you are the most exciting of my entire life.” That’s something Fjord said to Caleb once. And I’ve posted before about how eerily similar Fjord and Nott’s journeys are.

They both had rocky childhoods marred by bullying and badly bruised self-confidence, then embarked on simple, well-defined lives/careers in which they felt utterly content...and then they both literally drowned, both lost their friends/family/life roles in the process, and both got transformed into something “dark” and “ugly” that they couldn’t come back from.

And the clincher? The thing Fjord was able to admit to himself and others, but that Nott carried around like a deep, dark secret and is still struggling hard with to this day?

They both fell in love with their new lives and roles in spite of themselves.

Yes, Fjord renounced Uk’otoa in favor of the Wildmother...but he still retains his warlock powers. Yes, Nott wants to, can, and probably will be turned back into a halfling--but she will never again be a person who was not a goblin.

She does not want to be a person who was not a goblin.

She wants Caleb, and all he represents. She wants adventure and excitement. She wants to be strong and brave and important, not only to protect her loved ones, but because those things bring her fulfillment. Because they have shaped her self-image in new ways that she cannot discard.

The duality of her names reflects this perfectly. She always uses “Veth” around Yeza and Luc, and wants them to use it for her, but with the M9, she’s still “Nott the Brave”-- or is it “Nott, the Brave”?

Caleb uses both names for her.

Caleb. Uses. Both. Names. For her.

Nott needs to be herself. It’s what all the members of the Mighty Nein need, really--this is a campaign about identity, as Matt has said--but I think it’s coming harder to Nott than any of the others, and that’s why I’ve had such a hell of a time pinning her down as a character...because she has had a hell of a time doing that, too!

Because she can’t acknowledge what may be the greatest possible shame for a stereotypical girl, wife, mother, or monster...

Wanting to be herself. Wanting things simply because she wants them. Wanting to be someone you can’t pin down, either literally (in a cozy little cottage in Felderwin) or figuratively (in any of the aforementioned roles).

Nott wants to define herself. But she doesn’t quite know she wants it. And she doesn’t know how to do it. But part of her definitely sees that getting her body back, while essential, is not enough.

And so she panics and drinks and goes into existential tailspins because no one else will give her the answers. Caleb has come closest, in telling her to seek them for herself...but Caleb has his own baggage, and can’t quite let go of his great ideal of Family, of Going Home Again. Of turning back the clock and erasing the dark corners of one’s past.

So he sees Nott’s happy ending as husband and son, hearth and home. And it isn’t enough. It’s as tidy and false and messy and comfortless as his time-travel fantasies. And that’s where their stories ultimately intertwine...their desires at cross-purposes, their solutions at odds. Nott longing for something that Caleb is giving her (adventure, excitement, a purpose, the privilege to bear both her names and faces and diminish neither, to be fully herself for the first time in her life). Caleb wants something that was taken from both of them. Neither of them yet fully understands that you can’t go back, that the only direction is forward. Into greater messiness, greater complexity, greater understanding of themselves and the things they can accomplish, alone and together.

But they’re getting there. They’re both getting there. And I absolutely cannot wait to see where their stories lead.

[azul-marie]

I love to debate jjaa that's why, there is a topic that is being cooked and it is about the gender of aoi de visty, there is a good chance that it is a woman which I also think it could be like that and if it were confirmed, aoi would be the first woman in paralive, just thinking about that excites me ° ^ °) 9, I swear I've been praying since the project came out that they would put a woman or take out an otome hahahaha it's worth dreaming: 'v

i honestly love the idea of a woman being in paralive! it’s something fans in the hypnosis mic fandom want to see more of too, including myself. to me, it feels a bit like solidarity when i see steadfast women in traditionally “masculine” spaces — it’s oddly realistic in a sense. indeed i love these boys, but i love women just as much. (lol) please continue reading under the cut!

however! we must consider how aoi is presented. in their official bio, they’re referred to with a “him” pronoun and is said to have a “handsome” face. they are also mentioned as being visty’s “prince” who performs a kind of romantic fanservice typically targeted towards girls. the fact that aoi has “deep troubles” and “an awkward side…unable to confide in anyone about them” hints at aoi potentially keeping their assigned gender at birth to themself, and the hurt that come with persons who don’t fit society’s expected associations of gender. (especially when it comes to girls/women/feminine persons.)

aoi’s hashtag “#forced categorization” also adds to this idea — no one should ever be “categorized” into anything or anyone just because they were born a certain gender. unfortunately, this is all still too common of an issue in society and in some cultures as well, including japan.

what makes me sad is the fact that aoi is only sixteen (16) years old. practically a baby! it breaks my heart knowing that their trauma is already so heavy, they can’t bring themself to talk to anyone about it. and their weakness? “health checkups”? if aoi is indeed a woman, this suggests their wishes to be masculine presenting goes ignored by the doctors/physicians/etc. they visit. see also: “#won’t accept things as they are”. who’s the one who “won’t” accept? aoi themself? or the people around them? (crying in the club rn)

alas. if aoi is officially presented as a woman, i think i’d be really happy knowing there’s a feminine assigned person in paralive! but i’d be even happier to see aoi grow as a character and learn more about them + their story.

on a similar note, anne’s story has much to do with gender as well, but how he embraces his love for what happens to be traditionally “feminine” things while still accepting his masculinity/not denying his masculine nature. (“the manliest of bae” + accepting being referred to with masculine pronouns by other characters.) this is one of the reasons why i refer to anne with he/they pronouns, aside from canonicity and how they haven’t been officially confirmed as nonbinary or feminine presenting.

the fact that aoi is a big fan of anne gives me hope of them embracing whoever they wish to be too, whether or not it’s “traditional” for them to or not. i think aoi is a sweet person who has a lot of room to grow, and i’m excited to join them on their journey.

also, an otome type game for paralive? heck yes. i’m still so sad over paradox love not being an actual thing!!! i’ll cry over it until the end of my days. or until avex gets brave enough to make it a real thing. 👀 let’s keep dreaming together, haha.

(also also — a quick edit right before i post and close out — aoi’s tagline of “i will protect you from everything that can hurt you.” makes me??? very curious?? is aoi perhaps self-projecting when it comes to wanting to “protect” their fans? is this perhaps out of personal experience and/or not wanting them [especially female fans] to face harmful things on their own?? is this just an onstage persona that aoi was given but is now totally involved with?? i guess we’ll find out come march.)

[burnedbyshoto]

Weak

anonymous asked: can we get a bakugou fluff based on the song hug all ur friends by cavetwon

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

warning: bakugou has high anxiety, cussing, fluff

word count: 4,000

a/n: so I listened to the 1 hour loop to this song when writing it LMAO, I think its one of my better pieces ive written, but I guess that’s also for you to decide!!!!!! enjoy!!!!

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Bakugou Katsuki was someone who had no guilt in admitting that he cared about himself first and foremost. Bakugou Katsuki never imagined a day would come where he would find himself interested in someone-- especially in a romantic setting.

Romance and Bakugou, to him it seemed like mixing oil and water. Impractical and impossible.

Bakugou was hard, rough, and explosive.

Romance was soft, tender, and weakening.

So for the life of him, Bakugou could not understand why on god you were consuming his thoughts. Why did you have him wrapped around your fingers despite you only being his best friend? What the hell was wrong with him?!

Bakugou stared at you from the distance, his eyes were warm, his face soft, and the book in his hands long forgotten.

You were a force, this overwhelming energy that he could not figure out.

You weren’t like Kirishima who gained his friendship through mutual respect and trust in each other’s strengths. You weren’t like Sero or Mina who he came to see as friends after he used them for their quirks two years ago. You weren’t like Kaminari who he saw as a friend because Kirishima came as this unknown package deal.

You were soft, tender, and in no way were you weak, but Bakugou couldn’t think of any other word to describe you but weak.

It made no sense as to how you two became friends. The two of you had spoken once! Then you landed a punch on his jaw so strong that he needed to go to Recovery Girl and you cried for hours afterward. Bakugou thought it was dumb that you were apologizing so he yelled at you for being stupid. Seconds later you two were friends.

“Bakasuki, it’s way past your bedtime!” You screamed as you looked up from your phone. Your eyes red with tiredness and irritation still shone as you made eye contact. The impressed grin on your face as strong as if it was midday. “It’s midnight?!”

Bakugou felt his face cement over again. It was an involuntary action as you rambled off about how the big softie Bakugou Katsuki was awake at 'crackhead' hours. As you got up and walked over to Bakugou, he felt his hardened features melt as you took a stance in front of him.

“I bet you’re staying up because of me, come on, admit that you like me.”

Your words are teasing of course, yet Bakugou’s heart clenches at the truth of your words. Bakugou one year ago had begun staying awake past nine because of you. You were always active at night! You told new stories that Bakugou wanted to hear at a late hour, and Bakugou soon found himself staying up.

Ten at night turned to eleven, eleven became twelve, and then Bakugou was up until two in the morning because of you. He never complained about it, and he never dared to tell you or anyone about it. Bakugou took every teasing you gave, and you teased him about him staying up every night even if it was a year later.

“Trust me, if I was staying up because of you I would fucking hate myself,” Bakugou lies as you laugh. “Don’t think you’re fucking special because I tolerate you.”

His words were harsh to the average ear, but to the trained ear, to your ear, it was as if he nudged you playfully.

“Sure you old grump,” you wink as you stick out your hand. “Iida said it’s my turn with the Disney+, wanna go watch with me?” 

“As long as you don’t make me watch something fucking horrible,” Bakugou grunts as he takes your hand.

He would watch the sappiest of movies and the weirdest of shows if it meant that you’d snuggle into his side. His favorite memories have you at his left. These memories also included you between his legs as you laughed hysterically at the horrible and childish jokes. It also didn’t matter how many times you watched the same movie, you always ramble as if it was your first time viewing it.

“I’m thinking Lilo and Stitch,” you let him into your thoughts as you begin walking towards the staircase. His hand is still locked with yours. “I think I can be Lilo, and you can be Stitch! You two have very similar personalities!”

“Like hell I’m anything like that fucking animal!”

“I didn’t even need to goad you into a reaction!”

“Shut up dumbass…”

“If I ever stopped talking to you, you would go insane! So careful what you wish for!”

“I wish you would shut up…”

Bakugou watched as your lips pressed flat together. A faux annoyed expression on your face and you dropped his hand.

It may have embarrassed Bakugou to admit what he did next, but it took him five seconds to crack under your cold shoulder. He threw you over his shoulder as he walked to your room. Your squealing exclamations were loud as he held your lower thigh.

“See I told you--”

“Shut the fuck up, shitty woman!”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Your loud groan rang in Bakugou’s ears and his eyebrow twitched as he once again looked at your slumped figure. It was the second to last set of finals you guys would be taking as hero students. Three years later, you were nearing the final countdown to graduation! But that meant finals.

Bakugou had managed to stay within the top three of his class all three years. So he felt decent in where he was in class ranking right now. He has ranked third right now after all, but you ranked fifteenth. A feat that he had zero idea about how it came to be considering how smart you were. You had a sharp mind, a witty sense of humor, and a deadly tongue! Yet you were barely outperforming the rest of his idiot friends. You were one of the few people who could beat him in a verbal challenge! But when it came to pencil and paper tests, you stumbled hard.

“Would you stop fucking groaning?! You’re not getting anything done except getting on my goddamn nerves!”

“WELL!” You immediately yelled back, your nose stuck to the sky as you tossed your pencil away. “I don’t know actually! I screamed well because I live for the dramatics!" Bakugou groaned as you laugh. "Okay, but this all makes sense to me now! It's... I’ve realized I become an idiot whenever I try doing it on the exams.”

“It’s because you are an idiot.”

“Wow, thanks,” you complain as you slam your forehead against your math textbook. You shot back up gasping loudly. “OH SHIT! Bakugou you solved all my problems! This entire time I’ve been an idiot! I’ll tell Deku to give me some smart people juice tomorrow morning, obviously, I’ve been sipping the idiot juice.”

“Hah? Fucking hell -- do you ever shut up and wait for me to finish what I’m saying?!”

“Bakasuki, there was a period at the end of that sentence! Or let me guess what you’d say next!”

“Don’t fucking guess--”

“‘Oi, shitty woman, I’m Baku-hoe Kat-sucky, and you better get your head outta your asshole! Maybe if you weren’t always on your goddamn phone you wouldn’t be failing’!” Your voice had lowered multiple octaves to the point where you sounded like you smoked every day. Bakugou watched as your face contorted into a mock scowl, your nose stuck into the air as your arms folded across your chest. “‘I’m the alpha nerd here, so you have to fucking listen to me, you damn fucking nerd ass shitty woman!’”

Bakugou remained silent as you erupted in giggles, your eyes beaming with joy as you looked at him.

“I don’t fucking cuss, shitty woman,” Bakugou retorted. He knew it was a lie but the way your eyes expanded four times their size and how you pressed your face into his shoulder was worth the lie.

“You don’t cuss?! Wow, suddenly my name isn’t y/n!”

“Hm, well I was going to point out that you probably have some form of testing anxiety, but since you’re Miss. Fucking-Know-It-All…”

“There’s no way I’m eighteen and don’t know that about me!”

“Well, you didn’t fucking know you loved chocolate caramels until this last month either.”

This launched you into another tangent. Your conversation skills always gave Bakugou whiplash! You talked about everything you could and right now it was about what you loved. It should have annoyed Bakugou, he knew that! But while you rambled about how you loved seeing oversized dogs in bags, he realized that he loved knowing more about you.

How he would kill for the chance to pull you close, he knew that if he did you would hug him without a blink of an eye. Bakugou knew if he attempted to feel your warmth you’d overwhelm him forever and he wasn’t sure if that was something he wanted. Did he want you? Did he actually love you or was it just the chemistry in his brain is dumb. He wasn’t sure what he wanted as you showcased your favorite pencil.

“Do you have something you love, ‘suki?”

You.

“No, I don’t fucking love anything. The hell is love good for?”

“Don’t you worry about what people think about you when you can’t answer a question on something you love?”

The only opinion he cares about is yours.

“They don’t need to fucking care about what I love, how the hell does that make me a reliable pro hero?! Gossip and tabloids and interviews are bullshit. How is me smiling and being nice in front of a camera going to prove anything?”

Bakugou’s eyes widened as you wrapped your arms around him drawing him into a tight embrace. His eyes blinked rapidly as he felt frozen. His hands are frozen at his side as you pressed into him. You were making him dizzy. His heart pounded so loudly in his ears that he feared you could hear it as you pressed your lips to his ear.

“Sometimes you just have to hug people, let them know that you’re not letting go. Being kind and offering a hand, even if it kills your feral vibes, gives them a reason to love you and trust them. Trust is important, you know that, dummy. Hugging them is a small promise of not letting go.”

His breathing stilled as you pulled away. Your hair fell in your face and you sucked everything out of him as you smiled softly. But who would Bakugou Katsuki be if he didn’t have something back to say?

“I’m not fucking hugging any of those damn extras out there!”

“It was a FIGURE OF SPEECH, BAKAGOU!”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

“Rise and shine, grumpy old man!” Your voice rang as bright sunshine shone through Bakugou’s room.

“Fucking hell, y/n! Shut my goddamn shutters!”

“It is past noon, and I am here to make sure you are in fact alive!”

“Shitty woman, please close the damn shutters… I got in three hours ago and I want to fucking sleep in.”

The shutters closed immediately and guilt hung heavy in your voice as you said, “Wait you got in at nine?! You got called out of class early, too!”

Bakugou who had been sitting up now, glowering at your form fell back onto his mattress without a word. Unfortunately, it seemed that you weren’t quite done with him.

“Why the hell are you still in my room?”

“...can I nap with you?”

“Hah?”

“I was out from five in the morning until a few minutes ago! I just… want to cuddle, but if you don’t want to that’s totally cool!”

“You’re so goddamn annoying,” he nearly growls. It wasn’t necessarily directed at you, but instead himself. He was going to let you obviously, but how much longer could he do this uncaring act? How he hadn’t just slammed your oblivious ass against a door to kiss the soul out of you was beyond him. “Get in.”

A loud squeal emitted from your throat as Bakugou felt your figure snuggling into his chest. Your body was cold against his, and he resisted the urge to shiver as you wrapped his arm around you.

“I never fucking said you were allowed to cuddle.”

“Oh please, you were going to latch onto me at some point, might as well do it now instead of waking up to it and freaking out.”

“You’re fucking annoying.”

“Shh, I’m trying to nap.”

Bakugou snorted but nonetheless brought you in closer as he too closed his eyes. He ended up falling asleep with you in his arms. It wasn’t until he woke up did he realize that today was to be your friend's date. Something you had been persistent in having. But as you too woke up at half-past seven p.m., the both of you agreed that the nap was way better than going out.

That is until Kaminari sent a picture of Bakugou and you cuddling to the group chat. But then again, Bakugou may or may not have saved it as his home screen.

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4:48 a.m.

Bakugou’s eyes focused on the neon red numbers that illuminated across his bed. His alarm was positioned as such so he would be forced to get up to turn it off in the morning.

His heartbeat was pounding in his ears as everything turned blurry.

4:49 a.m.

His eyes closed and he was suddenly back in Kamino two years ago.

His body felt dirty, sticky, unclean.

His mouth tainted with the taste of copper. His teeth gritting together as he saw All Might fighting in front of him.

It was hard to fight with his sweat-soaked and stiff clothes. All he knew was those bastards turned from wanting to convert him to wanting him dead. He remembers stumbling and seeing your frantic eyes in the corner of his vision. He didn't know you well back then, so it confused him, at least before a yell from Kirishima took his attention away.

It was the first actual memory he had of you, and yet it intertwined with his memory of All Might’s downfall. A downfall that could have been prevented if he had just been fucking better. If he had been a better hero maybe he wouldn’t have been caught. If he had been a better person maybe he would never have been targeted in the first place. It didn’t matter how many different ways he ran through his memories, it always ended up being his fault.

The fight with Deku had helped relieve the surface tension. All Might saying it wasn’t his fault barely made an impact on the guilt demon that ate away at his inner thoughts.

Simply told, tonight was a bad night. Nothing he did could drive away the guilt demon.

You were the one who made him strong but you were out on a mission for your hero work. You were being a hero to people who needed you, yet Bakugou wanted you to be his hero right now…

His anxiety crawled down his spine. His mind swimming back to the image of All Might's defeated form, and it kept reeling in his mind. His palms sweated profusely, but at this point, he had no idea if it was from his anxiety or from his quirk.

It burned to breathe and he wanted to go for a run, but he knew he shouldn’t. So he stood up out of bed choosing to walk down to the kitchen.

4:57 a.m., the clock read as the door shut behind him.

He felt dizzy as he walked down the hallway, his heart racing as he went down the staircase.

The lights were on and it made his eyes hurt as he opened the door for the ground floor.

“‘Suki?” A tired voice whispered as Bakugou stared up.

It was you.

Your uniform looked rumpled and dirty. Your tie wasn’t done and your hair was a mess as you yawn, your hand rubbing your eye as you waved at him. Bakugou saw the bandage on your neck and cheek and he pointed at them.

“Some dumbass with a--” you stifle a yawn as you shake your head. “Fucking vampire quirk! If he bit you, and consumed your blood, you would be entranced with him! Can you believe that!”

Bakugou snorted as you showed him the bruised mark on your neck.

“Thing is, he doesn’t have fangs, his teeth were super dull, so now I look like I had sex!”

“Can’t have people thinking that huh?”

“Nah... now, you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

Bakugou knew better than to lie to you, but he couldn’t help it, you needed to sleep.

“Nothing, I needed water.”

“I’m sure you are,” you nod your head as you adjust your backpack. “But that doesn’t explain why there’s tears in your eyes and on your cheeks.”

His eyes widened as he felt the wet stains on his face, he was indeed crying.

“I don’t really wanna talk about it,” he grumbled as his hands shoved into his sweats.

“That’s okay,” you smile as you take a few steps forward. “Can I give you a hug?”

It takes everything in him not to scream at you to hug him, so instead, he turns his head and nods curtly. Your arms are wrapped around him immediately as he feels himself shrinking into your hold. You were safe, you were warm, and you made him weak.

It was at that moment that Bakugou Katsuki noticed that he completely and utterly was in love with you.

As he went through these thoughts you grabbed his hand and led him upstairs, “I’ll get you your water, but you need to rest.”

“Shitty woman, I can take care of myself,” Bakugou breathed as he didn’t resist you taking him to his room. “Besides we have class tomorrow, you need more sleep than I do.”

He watches as you shrug as you open his room door.

“Maybe so, but I’m a Hero and you’re someone in need of a savior!” you chirped as your lips pressed softly onto his cheek as you sat him in bed. “I’ll be right back, lay down please!”

He nodded dumbly as you left, his cheeks burning as the door closed.

It felt like no time had passed as you soon returned with a cup of water, “Now drink! Crying is good for the soul, but it dehydrates you so much.”

“Tch, idiot, don’t say that like you cry all the time,” Bakugou grumbles as he chugs the water down.

Your fingers take the glass from him and place it onto the desk, your shoulders bouncing as you sigh one last time. “Well, I should go to bed, I may not need beauty sleep, but even three hours of sleep can make me ugly.”

“Sleep here,” Bakugou found himself mumbling as you were by the door. “You can take a shirt, I just… please, just fucking sleep here with me?”

Bakugou expected teasing, he expected you to laugh it off and say he was dumb and crazy. What he didn’t expect was for you to grab his skull t-shirt and strip your clothes off in his bathroom.

He stilled as you crawled into bed with him, your body curling into his as you held him near.

“Goodnight, ‘suki,” you whispered.

His arms wrapped tightly around you, a sharp intake of air went through your nose.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you, y/n.”

“You’re welcome…”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

You smile while wiping away tears that formed in your eyes.

Tears streamed uncontrollably down your face as you taped up the last box with writing that read: Y/N PICTURES.

It was moving out day, you had done it, you graduated.

“Y/l/n-chan!! Stop crying and c-come take a p-p-picture with us!” Mina wailed as she too was crying uncontrollably.

The common room was fill of every one of your classmates, tears were in everyone's eyes as boxes scattered near the entrance. It was over. Three years of heaven and hell were gone and even though everyone would still be seeing everyone again (you all were working in the same general areas after all), tears wouldn’t stop.

Multiple times you brushed away tears as twenty-one of you stood for class pictures.

Class pictures became friend group pictures, friend group pictures became trios and duo pictures.

Everyone was crying and everyone was laughing too. It was as if you were never going to see anyone again and the tears wouldn’t stop.

I love you’s were exchanged, promises of not forgetting who each other were as you would all become stars, and plans on monthly meetups because you were family. It was too much, it was too sentimental, and you were ready to leave.

“I hate to do this to you all, but it’s time to go,” Aizawa lulled over the roar of your classes chatter.

For the first time, his words were useless as you all took a photo with him, much to your homeroom teachers' secret enjoyment.

But now it was time to go.

You gave a one-armed hug to Mineta as he bounded out of the door. He had somewhat had drunk respect-women juice and was now tolerable. But the nightmares forever remained.

Then Koda, Aoyama, Shoji, Ojiro, Tokoyami, and Sato were done swiftly yet deeply. They all said kind words and promises to keep in touch as they left.

Then it was Iida, Todoroki, and Midoriya. The group of boys embraced you tightly as Iida told you and Midoriya to stop crying. It only strengthening your tears as Todoroki patted your back softly.

Then it was Mina, Momo, Jirou, Tsu, Uraraka, and Hagakure. The girl group and the reason why this class felt like family so quickly made you cry harder as you all lost it. Hugs were tight, hugs lasted minutes long as you all shouted over each other. This was not goodbye, just a see you later.

Sero, Kaminari, Kirishima, Mina, and Jirou once again met you for a tight embrace. The dubbed Bakusquad because Bakugou was the loudest one in the group, but you all knew that if the group never held Kirishima it would never work. Bakusquad was truly Kirisquad and you excitedly talked about how you were all going to karaoke on Sunday.

A gentle cough broke you from Sero’s embrace and you turned to the last person who you hadn’t hugged yet.

Bakugou didn’t look at you as he sighed, his shoulder slumping as he looked at you. Your lips quirked as your heart raced at his red-tinged eyes, he had cried too.

“We’ll see you guys later!” Kaminari yelled as the boxes in the now empty common room belonged to you.

“We’re still on for tonight?” Bakugou asked as his finger brushed the wet trails that stained your cheeks.

“Have I ever ditched you or stood you up?”

“You could have made plans in your crying hysteria, it’s been done before.”

His words are teasing and you laugh as you launch yourself into his arms. Your arms wrap around his neck as his rest around your waist.

“I don’t know why you weren’t interested in having a spa day with the girls!” You teased as you bit your lower lip.

“Too much gossip about dicks,” Bakugou rolled his eyes as he squeezed you tightly.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t go, I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me talking about my dick of a boyfriend,” you whisper as his eyes shine brilliantly.

“Hah? You’re really gonna fucking--”

Bakugou never got to finish that sentence as your lips pressed against his and his mind went weak as he kissed you back.

You were the undoing of Bakugou Katsuki.

You made him weak, yet he’s never felt stronger.

[aedwritesfic]

Hi! Can I have a Ginny x Luna smut story where they finally admit there feelings to each other and they are madly in love with each other and it’s at the burrow in Ginny’s room? Thanks can’t wait to see it I know it’ll be amazing! :)

Hey nonnie, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. Thank you for your patience. I had so much fun writing this fluffy and smutty Linny for you! Once I started writing, I just couldn’t stop. I hope you like it!

It Happened One Night

“Shhh!” Ginny tried to suppress her giggles, but they seemed to be bursting out of her like a child’s accidental magic. She cast a silencing spell at the door and the walls, hoping their laughter and conversation wouldn’t wake the rest of the house.

Luna stood on the bed, her riot of blonde waves cascading over her shoulders as she attempted to examine the rafters for Blibbering Humdingers or other such nonsense. They may have snuck a bit more of the Christmas brandy than they were necessarily allowed, but honestly, what did it matter? They would be of age before the school year let out and there was a war on. Now was the time for teenage rebellion. Now was the time to throw caution to the wind—in some regard at least—and truly allow yourself to live. 

Smiling, Luna crouched back down on the bed and continued her animated impromptu lecture on beings the average Wix could not see. Ginny tried to pay attention, she really did, but she found herself completely captivated by the woman’s hands.

Long, pale fingers danced along to her lilting ethereal voice, almost telling a story of their own. The still slightly pink scar on the side of the left index finger from an incident with a bread knife last summer, the almost translucent smattering of white-blonde hair along the knuckles, the deep lines on her palm that Ginny had studied during Divination, it all told the story of a life well-lived. A life that Ginny had been privileged enough to be involved in.

Luna’s hand accidentally brushed against Ginny’s and without thinking, Ginny captured it, lacing their fingers together tanned and freckled against alabaster. She allowed herself to gently manipulate the other woman’s hand, transfixed by the beauty and the power someone so light and unassuming could possess. With those hands, Luna could build something beautiful or tear everything down. People at school had been horrible to Luna, yet every day, she chose to share kind words, lend a hand, and love unconditionally. It was a marvel.

Ginny hadn’t noticed the stillness that came over the room. It wasn’t until Luna gently pulled her hand away that she came back to herself. Ginny blushed furiously and tried to think up an excuse as to why she had just been playing with her best friend’s hand.

Before she could say anything though, Luna leaned forward and tucked a strand of coppery red hair behind Ginny’s ear. “Please don’t,” she whispered almost shyly. “Not unless you mean it.”

“What?” Ginny asked, shifting under her friend’s penetrative gaze.

“There was a fire in your eyes,” she explained quietly, crawling over to sit beside Ginny. “You’re slightly impulsive, now especially because of the brandy, and whatever it was that flashed through your head… if you acted upon it, I think you would regret it later.”

She straightened her shoulders, sitting up a bit further. “I’ve never regretting anything a day in my life.”

“No, you haven’t,” she sighed. “But I don’t think it would be wise. There are too many Wrackspurts about as it is. I’d rather not have to deal with an infestation.”

“Why would you have to deal with Wrackspurts, Luna?” she murmured.

“Because whatever it was you were going to do, I doubt that you would have really meant it, and that would… that would be cause enough for an infestation.”

Ginny’s breath caught in her throat. For years, she had quietly harboured a crush on her best friend in the entire world. Luna had never shown any romantic interest in anyone and so she had just assumed that such things didn’t matter to the woman. Ginny had stopped herself from saying anything so many times, had forced herself to attempt to move on, but no matter how hard she tried, her heart always beat for Luna.

Turning to face her friend, Ginny grabbed Luna’s hand again, squeezing gently. “Luna, what makes you think that I wouldn’t mean it? I’ve…” she took a deep breath, pushing away her nerves and throwing caution to the wind. “Luna, I have cared for you for so long. Why would I lie to you?”

Luna smiled sadly, “I know that you would never intentionally say or do anything to hurt me, but—”

Ginny couldn’t stand it any longer. She surged forward, capturing Luna’s face in her hands and rested their foreheads together brown eyes staring imploringly into silver. Merlin, Ginny could get lost in those eyes that so resembled the early morning mist.

“Do you really not know?” she whispered. “You know so much about the world, you see what others don’t even bother to take the time to look for, and yet you really don’t know just how wholly you affect me?”

Luna sat back a little, cocking her head to the side like she did when she was drawing a conclusion. “You love me.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“As more than just friends.”

Ginny nodded and vigorously tried to blink away the tears that threatened to spill over. “I do. And, I completely understand that you don’t feel the same or are even remotely interested in anything other than friendships. I just… How can you think that I don’t mean every single thing that I’ve ever said to you? Every touch that I’ve given you?”

“No one has ever wanted to be more than friends with me before,” Luna said in a small voice.

“Well, I have.”

Luna stared up at her, a calculating look flitted across her face as she took in all the data that surrounded her: the slight tremble in Ginny’s hands, her eyes which implored Luna to believe, the way she bit her lip at the bottom left corner like she did whenever she was nervous.

“I didn’t realize…” Luna whispered. “You’ve only been with men, so I never thought—”

Again, Ginny reached for her hand, holding it between her own, cradling it as though it were something precious. “I couldn’t give a shit about what’s between someone’s legs. It’s about the person. I’ve loved you for so long Luna, but I thought you weren’t… interested in that type of thing.”

A pretty pink flush stained Luna’s cheeks. “Not usually, no. But it’s different with you. I can’t quite describe it, but it’s like all the rules change when it comes to you.” She averted her eyes and bit her pretty pink lip as if trying to decide whether or not to share a secret. But after a moment, she leaned in close and whispered against Ginny’s ear—the warmth of her breath tickling freckled flesh, “You make me feel safe.”

Before Ginny could fully grasp those words, Luna’s hands came up to run through her fiery locks tugging gently at the roots. She sighed and leaned into the touch. Luna knew that she loved having her hair played with. Ever since they were girls, the two had constantly been braiding each other’s hair or just touching it absentmindedly. But now, this touch, it was completely different. The pull was purposeful, it was meant not to calm or play, but to arouse. She allowed Luna to guide her so their lips were only a hairsbreadth apart.

“I love you, Ginevra,” Luna sighed before crashing their lips together in a searing kiss.

Ginny had experienced many first kisses in her sixteen years, some tentative and sweet, some passionate and sloppy. None of them had prepared her for this. They had not prepared her for the overwhelming softness of Luna’s lips, the way Luna seemed to be embracing her soul, not merely pressing her lips or shoving her tongue into Ginny’s mouth. She wasn’t being kissed. She was sharing a kiss. Though earnest, it didn’t feel as though Luna was trying to conquer or lay claim to her. It felt like they were joining together and making something brand new.

Ginny wound her arms around Luna’s waist and drew the woman into her lap, soft thighs straddling her athletic hips. She didn’t want to rush things, but the pool of heat in her core begged her to get closer, touch, taste, feel. But she held back. Luna said that she wasn’t normally interested in these sorts of things. She wasn’t going to push, no matter how badly she wanted to.

As if reading her thoughts, Luna pulled back slightly, breaking their kiss. Staring deeply into her eyes, Luna moved Ginny’s hands from her waist to breasts. “I want you to touch me,” Luna murmured. “Will you make me feel good?”

The breath caught in Ginny’s throat. “Are you sure?”

The woman smiled serenely and nodded. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to.”

Ginny groaned, burying her face in the crook of Luna’s neck. She allowed herself to become intoxicated by the woman’s words.

“I’ve sometimes touched myself at night, wishing that my fingers were yours. It was nice, but I got the feeling that it would have been exquisite if you were the one actually doing the touching. That maybe then, I would really know what the fuss was all about.”

Sitting up, Ginny stared deeply into her friend’s eyes, that in the dark of her bedroom looked like starlight. “Luna, I haven’t actually touched a woman before. I don’t know if I’ll—”

Luna silenced her with a kiss before moving Ginny’s hand back to her breast and squeezing.

“Are you sure?” she asked again, wanting to make sure Luna understood. “It’s okay if sex isn’t something you find enjoyable. We don’t need to do anything that you’re not interested in.”

“Just touch me how you touch yourself,” Luna said breathily as Ginny’s deft fingers absently plucked at her nipple. “If we don’t like it we’ll stop.”

Not giving Ginny another chance to speak, Luna leaned forward and placed a kiss just below her ear, on top of the smattering of freckles that resembled the Pleiades. Ginny gasped and allowed her hands to start slowly unbuttoning Luna’s pyjama top. She marvelled at the pale smooth skin as gooseflesh rose beneath her touch. It was perfect, and she longed to leave her mark.

Unwilling to wait any longer, Ginny trailed hot open-mouthed kisses down Luna’s chest, from the place where shoulder meets neck, down the clavicle in the valley between the woman’s ample breasts. She darted out her tongue and allowed it to ascend the swell of flesh that led to the rosey mountain’s peak, cataloguing every moan and sigh she wrenched from Luna’s lips. Her fingers played with the twin’s peak, plucking and caressing.

Without even realizing it, the women had tumbled backwards onto the bed, Ginny nestled into the perfect cradle of Luna’s thighs. Luna gasped and arched when Ginny blew cold air against a pebbled nipple, hips bucking against Ginny’s own as if they were crying out for attention too. Luna moaned something under her breath. With a slight shiver, their remaining clothing disappeared leaving them bare.

Ginny took a moment to revel in the sparking rush she felt in every place their bodies touched. Skin on skin. All of it. At last. She drew up level with Luna and kissed her firmly, unable to think of anything else she would rather be doing until the woman broke the kiss with a desperately pleading, “Please.”

Unable to resist the temptation any longer. Luna’s breasts had tasted like strawberries picked at the height of summer and she needed to know if the rest of her tasted just as sweet. Ginny dove down, placing kisses and caresses along the way before coming to rest at the thatch of golden curls between her friend’s—her lover’s—legs. She looked up into grey eyes, silently asking one more time.

Luna reached down and buried a hand in Ginny’s hair, using it to direct the woman to her wanting core.

Ginny paused for a moment. She closed her eyes and tried to recall the few times anyone had ever kissed her there. What she had liked. What she had wished they had done. Ginny allowed herself only a second to marvel at the beauty of Luna’s cunt. How it glistened with arousal just for her. Knowing that she had done this. That she was the reason her friend was wet was because of her. That knowledge bolstered her confidence and pushed her forward as she licked Luna firmly from opening to clit, stopping only to suck gently on the perfect bud.

The reaction was instantaneous. Luna bucked her hips so violently that Ginny had to press down on the woman’s hips to keep her in place. When another lick brought on the same reaction along with a litany of moaned nonsense, Ginny hooked Luna’s knees over her shoulders and pulled her lover even closer to her by the hips, feasting on her lover’s pretty pink quim.

Not being able to resist, Ginny reached down to her own aching cunt and began rutting against her palm. The delightful friction had her moaning against Luna’s clit. Luna’s grip tightened in her hair, almost painfully as the woman screamed out her orgasm, squirting her release onto Ginny’s mouth and chin. The rush of warm liquid combined with the sounds of ecstasy and the delightful friction of her palm sent her over the edge, quivering and panting against Luna’s thigh.

The next thing she knew, gentle hands pulled her up into a warm embrace. Sweet words of praise were murmured into her hair while fingers lightly caressed her skin. When she came back to herself, Luna brushed the hair away from Ginny’s eyes and placed a soft kiss on lips still damp from her own release.

“You’re perfect,” Ginny whispered, clutching Luna close.

The woman hummed. “No, my love. We are perfect together.”

[tragedybunny]

Wise Men Say, Only Fools Rush In - Chapter 1: Welcome to the Jungle

What I had expected was an interview, a proper face-to-face with the chance to prove my suitability to my potential superiors. What I had was maybe twenty minutes on the phone with the notorious CEO before he cut me off abruptly. “That will be enough for today, Ms. Du Couteau. I’m perfectly convinced your Father is correct and you will be more than sufficient for the role here.” From the moment he spoke I’d noticed that while rich and cultured, his voice carried a certain quality to it, a sense of superiority, as though he held himself above those around him. It seemed to me that it was genuine confidence though, unlike Father’s smugness, which always seemed to be from a place of compensating for whatever. As rich and powerful as he, I could only think he had short man syndrome with his insecurities. There was something dark as well in the tone of this Mr. Swain, he was not a man to be trifled with. “Provided you do not prove to be inept in some way I can’t predict.”

It was probably unwise that I gave in as I felt my temper flare at the unnecessary condescension. “Thank you for your time, Mr. Swain. I can’t wait to prove myself sufficiently competent for my future with Noxus Holdings.” The sarcasm rolled off my tongue before I could catch myself, my eyes going wide and a hand moving to cover my mouth as though that could undo what I’d said.

There was a long pause on his end and I held my breath, sure that I’d just burned this whole thing to the ground. “Very well, we’ll expect you in two weeks. I’ll have all the details forwarded to you.” I could’ve sworn he sounded almost amused and I died a little bit inside.

Hanging up, I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, and was thankful I was alone so no one could see their crimson hue. Had I really just snapped at the most important person at my new employer, the CEO of the company that my whole future hinged on? And he hadn’t said anything. Either this was one of those “I like her moxie” types of situations or there would be hell to pay later. The latter was usually the case for me anyway.

It was with that peculiar encounter in mind that I found myself waiting in the lobby of Noxus Holdings wearing a subdued gray suit, hoping to look less like the hot-head I’d proven to be over the phone. I swallowed a nervous exhale and glanced around, a carefully constructed fantasy of an industrial office space from a century ago surrounded me, all glass, and iron, and deco style windows. An escort from my department should arrive at any moment, and I wanted to be damn sure I looked as cool and confident as possible. It wasn’t as if the job itself would be a challenge, contracts and fending off lawsuits from angry ex-employees and investors, nothing I hadn’t done before.

“Red!” A richly accented, yet horrifyingly familiar and obnoxious voice broke the quiet ambiance of the lobby. The pair of receptionists on duty shot furtive glances toward the source in unison before returning to what they were doing. Standing just in front of the elevator, a black suit with a yellow blouse perfectly accenting her bronze skin, was a woman I’d hoped I’d left behind on graduation day, Samira.

How had I missed that this was where she’d ended up? I’d stayed in touch with some of our old sorority sisters, and they kept me in the loop on a lot of the gossip about everyone. It made a lot of sense though, she had a truly vicious nature, there was no way she wasn’t thriving here. I inhaled, feeling a slight twitch in my eye at even this small interaction, and walked toward her. “Hello Samira, it’s been a while.” My voice remained level and surprisingly pleasant, I just needed to treat her like every troublesome, idiotic client I’d ever been assigned, even if I felt irritation clawing at every one of my nerves. It had always been like that, something about her just grated on me.

“A while!? We haven’t talked since the Phi Sigma Tau farewell party.” The wind was suddenly knocked out of me as I found myself in a very unwelcome embrace. “Not that anybody saw much of you that night, well except Garen. Not that I blame you, a moonlit beach, a few good drinks, perfect romantic atmosphere.” I was freed only to be nudged harshly with an elbow as Samira leered at me in a teasing manner. “And I heard he saw quite a bit of you out there on the sand.” The laugh that followed was at least quiet enough that we didn’t instantly become the center of attention.

An involuntary snort escaped me and I felt irritation starting to give way to outright anger, my mind buzzing and my vision starting to tunnel. “I’m surprised anyone noticed with the other incident that happened that night.” My pleasant mask remained in place but reminding her I wasn’t the only one with a story from that night filled me with a sense of petty satisfaction, especially since hers ended with the wail of police sirens.

“What can I say, it was a wild night all around.” Her arm looped through mine and she began to drag me toward the elevator. “See, it’s just like old times.” For a moment I wondered if she could truly be this oblivious to my intended insult. That was answered a moment later she leaned in and violently whispered in my ear. “Don’t think you can fuck with me Red. Your Daddy’s name isn’t going to get everything just handed to you here.” I’d just made horrifying mistake number two. There was no way she hadn’t been baiting me to see what reaction I’d have. With reckless force, she jabbed the elevator button and spoke in a more audible and warm tone. “I’m sure we’ll find ourselves to be best friends all over again.”

I nodded silently, not wanting to give her a response that would encourage her further. These last few moments had brought my new reality into stark clarity. I hadn’t expected to waltz in and find myself in a top position with no work on my part, but I hadn’t anticipated that I’d be met with outright hostility. If it was just Samira that would be one thing, but were there others lurking in the shadows that I’d have to wary of? Maybe deep down I had still had some delusion about the family name being a shield of sorts, those were just entirely shattered. It would get me no further than it already had.

A vintage styled, cage-like elevator came to a stop before us. An insistent tugging on my arm pulled me into it after her, her pleasant smile frozen into place. The doors closed, a cheery ding sounded, and we dropped all semblance of civility to glare at one another. “My dear,” my eyes rolled reflexively at the honeyed tone, “we are going to be working very closely. Try not to lash out every time I make a harmless joke. I know you are used to things being smoothed along in the family business.” Nails dug into my palm, there was no way she could know the truth, but still, I fought an urge the physically quiet her.

I know a powerplay when I see one, this whole scene had been staged to give Samira a sense of dominance in our new arrangement. And there was no way I could retaliate with her seniority over me. At least not yet. I could feel bile creeping its way up my throat as I realized that if I was going to succeed and build my life of independence, there was nothing I could do about it right now but live with it. There was the small consolation that I gleaned something else from this encounter, if Samira was taking direct action it was because she was threatened. I’d always been the better lawyer, all throughout school and our intern days. It was likely I wouldn’t end up having to live with her antics for long. To that end, I released a breath and relaxed my shoulders. “You’re right. Let’s start this whole thing over. It’s good to see you again Samira.”

A small noise of approval escaped her and she turned away to face the elevator doors, clearly satisfied with my conciliatory act. Well, even if she had won the battle for today, there was still a war to be fought. Another high-pitched ding and the cage stopped at one of the upper floors. The same aesthetic carried through here, exposed venting ran along the ceiling, gray carpet accented the dark wood and iron-finished metal of the walls, artfully uncovered “antique” light bulbs illuminated anywhere the natural light from those same intricate windows from the lobby didn’t reach. “We should really track down Darius and I’ll introduce you.” There was an implication she was doing me a favor. Another small irritation, the whole department reported to him, it was expected we’d meet. “He’s the VP and also head’s up the acquisition team along with lega-Ah!”

Samira had turned to speak over her shoulder at me and midspeech was physically halted by a collision with a figure appearing from around a corner. I stifled the laugh that bubbled up, she’d desperately deserved that little impact. “Sorry Sam, don’t kill me. Well hello there new and gorgeous.” His tone shifted from apologetic to a practiced arrogance somehow in perfect harmony with the goatee he sported, one that I can only imagine he believed was attractive. The obvious leering that accompanied his words left me with the urge to bury my knee in his groin.

“Draven, this is Katarina, she’s just starting with us in legal. Should I let your brother know what a warm welcome you’re giving his new employee?” The newcomer’s face visibly became several shades paler. Interesting, it would seem that Noxus was also a place of family ties. “Kat, this is Draven, head of marketing.” For once, I couldn’t blame her for the annoyance coloring her words.

A hesitant hand reached out toward me and I made sure to lock my grip on it firmly. Years of martial arts as a hobby had left me with deceptive strength in my small frame. Pale blue eyes widened at the sudden pressure as I smiled sweetly. “Very pleased to meet you Draven.”

Shockingly, he returned my smile when I released his hand. “You’ve got a bit of a spark, I’ll bet you fit in just fine. Lookin’ forward to working with ya.” Wordlessly, Samira led on as Draven waved pleasantly behind us. “Be nice to this one Sam!”

An irritated sigh escaped her, but she waited until we were out of earshot to speak again. “Nicely done,” a compliment, he must really rub her the wrong way, “he’s harmless, but it’s good to keep him on a short leash.”

The hallways we passed through lacked the small cubicle farms you would find on the lower floors, instead, there were plenty of offices, conference rooms, and occasionally open-plan shared workspaces for teams who worked closely together. It was in one of those workspaces, bordered by offices, that Samira finally stopped. The buzz of those gathered in the area halted, and all eyes turned toward us. Silence reigned even as the curious examination of the newcomer was evident. “Everyone, this is Katarina, our new team member I told you about.” Murmurs welcoming me to the group responded, they were subdued though, as if they were afraid to be too excitable in front of Samira.

Despite the outwardly friendly moment, I kept my face neutral, and voice aloof as I returned their greetings. Any group within a company this high profile would be extremely competitive, and I’d be damned if I was going to start by giving off an air of weakness. They were probably already appraising me, deciding if I was any real threat to their positions.

“I see I’m right on time.” A deep voice cut through the subdued chatter and a massive figure approached us. Clad in a simple, but clearly expensive suit, his presence seemed to fill the entire space as he exuded a calm confidence. There was also something familiar about him, I was sure he had been at the family firm before.

“You couldn’t give me an hour before checking in, could you?” Indignation caused her voice to go up an octave in pitch, an effect that was quite satisfying for me.

The newcomer’s eyes narrowed dangerously, my first taste of the office hierarchy in action. Impatiently he gestured for us to follow, and not wanting to seem daunted by the sparks, I cut in front of Sam, following to an office that was nearby. Once the door was slammed behind us, I realized it was her office, the degree proudly displayed on the wall bearing her name. Tension enveloped the three of us. “Don’t start Sam. I’m not trying to babysit you.”

She clicked her tongue and muttered in defeat. “Fine, just make it quick.”

The full attention of the room fell on me. “Darius Basilich, pleased to finally meet my newest team member.” He held out a hand for a much more dignified handshake than the one I gave his brother. “Sorry we haven’t had a chance to talk before now, Jericho doesn’t always give us a head’s up when he’s decided something.” The gruff words had a frankness and sense of honesty about them that was refreshing. I took note of the use of Mr. Swain’s first name, it was good to know who he was that comfortable with.

Releasing his hand, I could recognize that he’d be my first ally here and one that I needed on all fronts. “I believe we’ve met previously, while I was interning for my father.”

In answer, he offered a small, but genuine smile. “Thought you looked a bit familiar. Must have been when I was wrangling Draven out of that mess.”

Sam, who had sat behind her desk and started furiously typing, snorted. “Your brother is always into something.”

My expression must have faltered because he let out a weary sigh. “I see you’ve met. Anyway, great to have you on board. It was a shock that Marcus was willing to let one of the kids go.”

My stomach crawled as I recalled the last two weeks of verbal abuse I’d gone through, not just from Father, but Cassie as well. All because I dared to leave them. I was never more grateful for my apartment, that space that was mine alone, and no one could spoil it. Leaving the family manor was one of the best decisions I’d ever made. Of course, I couldn’t get into any of that, so I just shrugged nonchalantly. “Who would’ve guessed.”

“I’ll let you get settled in, we’ll talk again soon. Sam, play nice.” They glared at each other one last time before he exited.

“You two have a problem?” I ventured. Knowledge was power, so I needed to get the lay of the land quickly.

Laughter met my words. “Nah, Darius and I just have an endless pissing contest. He’s alright, but I am going to replace him as the boss’s favorite eventually.” No surprise it was some obnoxious game of hers. “Anyway, let’s get you settled in the office, I’m sure it’s not the posh corner you had a Daddy’s, but you weren’t expecting that anyway.” If the thought of returning to him defeated didn’t make my stomach heave, I would’ve knocked her out cold. Instead, I shot her a cold look and followed to my new office; small, windowless, and suspiciously right across from hers. A few seconds later we were joined by a short, pale woman with tight pinned brown hair and ice-blue eyes, about our age. “This is Alyssa, she’ll get you set up.”

Several hours, and an aching back later, my mind was completely overloaded with passwords, computer systems, and file paths. Stretching, I felt the siren call of the cozy little cafe I’d spied in the lobby. Turning to Alyssa, I could read in her expression she was in the same mind frame I was. She’d proven to be easy enough to get on with, that was one victory for the day. Our backgrounds intersected in a way, she’d come from a family business as well. However, she’d sold her share of the ownership of Ironspike Industries to Noxus on her way through the door. It had been a nice payday and guaranteed her a stable career no matter what. Most would consider it a cold-blooded move, but I could get the perspective that family wasn’t always sacred. Besides, she laughed easily enough and had a comeback for every bit of banter. “Hey…”

The door flew open with a sudden violence, Samira standing behind it. “You’ve been summoned Red.” A hefty binder dropped from her arms onto my desk with a resounding thud. “It’s been requested that you escort this up to the top floor for Mr. Swain. He wants to read through it before it’s presented to the board and he has a hard-on for physical copies.”

My heart lurched as I rose from my seat. I hadn’t expected it to come this soon, meeting the CEO I’d had the gall to snap at. “Well, wish me luck Alyssa.” My voice was deadpan flat and Samira gave me an odd look. Maybe the incident hadn’t become common knowledge as I’d feared.

The elevator ride was not nearly long enough as the gilded cage ascended the final few floors to the very top of the building. I stepped out, binder held in front of me like a shield, only to realize that Samira hadn’t given directions beyond the floor. An empty receptionist’s desk stood sentinel, the occupant clearly out to lunch. Beyond it was a foyer with branching hallways. Hesitantly, I stepped forward to glance down them. “End of the center hall.”

The deep voice from nowhere caused me to jump a little. Darius, of course his office was up here too. “Thanks,” I ordered my voice to remain cool and collected.

“Let me guess, Sam neglected that bit?” He chuckled slightly. “She really wants to assert herself with you.”

“It seems a certain level of ruthlessness is the Noxian way.” Some of the tension faded. Despite the fact that he was very nearly a literal giant, Darius was much less intimidating than you would think. In fact, there was almost a warmth to him.

He shrugged. “We buy and sell other companies. We have the whole of another person’s world in our hands. It helps to keep an edge about you. Although I imagine it’s not a problem with your background.”

It would seem that everywhere I went, the Du Couteau name would haunt me. If I wasn’t outright reviled for it, I was at the very least, notorious. Father had a reputation for ruthlessness, a reputation that had been handed down the generations with the firm starting with my great-grandfather. “You’re not wrong.” Even if I was shadowed by the name, the lessons I’d been taught in the cause of that reputation ensured I could be cut-throat when necessary. His words reassured me that even if the name itself couldn’t, the legacy of it could definitely serve me here. “Catch you around Darius.” I gave him a confident smile and a wave as he headed toward the elevator.

The walk down the hall was short with no other offices present and ended in an impressively large door made of dark stained wood. Before I could give it any more thought, I quickly knocked. “Enter.” The voice from the other side sent a shiver down my spine with the combination of confidence and callousness that I recognized from the interview. Again, I couldn’t hesitate, so I obeyed the order as quickly as possible. Afternoon sun streamed in from a wall of windows across from the door, throwing the massive desk to the right into shadow. Contrary to the sleek, artistic industrial look of the rest of the building, this office had the look of a cozy personal study. High-backed chairs surrounded a table to the left, bookshelves lined the walls. The L-shaped desk was made of warm cherry wood with brass embellishments and looked like a genuine antique. “Ah, Ms. Du Couteau, we meet at last.” Looking up from his computer screen as I approached, he fixed me with a piercing gaze that I would swear could read my thoughts.

My breath rushed from my lungs. That cultured and captivating voice I knew, but the physical reality of him I hadn’t been prepared for. Elegant cheekbones and a proud nose gave him a regal bearing, but his high arched eyebrows and deep-set, midnight eyes put it under a pall of severity. The long mane of silken looking, white hair that flowed down his back could’ve offset it, if not for the scowl he was currently giving me. Overall though, his attractiveness took me by surprise, the elegant silver-fox not the visage I’d been imagining since our call. That fact critically distracted me, leaving me frozen where I was at the edge of his desk far too long. “Well, I don’t have all day.” Inwardly I cringed, what the hell was wrong with me.He motioned to the binder that I still clutched with a hand that gleamed bronze in an errant ray of sunlight that had fallen over us.

“Right.” I passed the burden into that outstretched, lustrous hand.

He all but snatched it from me. “Yes, it’s prosthetic. You could ask instead of staring.”

My eyes went wide with horror, I hadn’t realized that I had been. “My apologies, Mr. Swain.” My father’s triumphant laugh as I begged to return rang in my ears.

Turning his chair from his monitor, he dropped the binder with violence on the desk and began to thumb through it. The pace was such that it gave the impression it wasn’t the first time he’d seen it. “Did you have the opportunity to read through this?” He asked without glancing back up at me.

“No, I hadn’t.” Mercifully, my voice remained steady.

Turning it toward me, he tapped a fingernail on a paragraph. “Tell me what is wrong with this?”

Leaning down, I skimmed through it quickly, my mind translating the legal jargon without effort. At first glance, it was a contract for our purchase of yet another company. What had he seen in it? What was I looking for? Ah, it wasn’t a sentence, it was the whole paragraph. “There’s no commitment for the transition from the current leadership. They can dump and run, leaving us without support.”

“Very astute.” Well, he didn’t lose the scowl but there was a subtle note of approval in his voice. It felt like I could inhale again finally, I might still be able to salvage this. “Take it back down to Samira and tell her it will not make it to the Board this week. I want Darius to answer how that was overlooked.”

Warily, I gathered back up the binder as he sat back in his chair, on guard as though he were somehow dangerous. “Will that be all?”

“For now.” His eyes were drawn back to his monitor, and I began to turn away, sensing dismissal. “Fine enough job for the first day, Ms. Du Couteau.” The small compliment halted me mid-pivot, a small touch of warmth blooming in my stomach and a smile tugging my lips with the unexpected approval. I opened my mouth to answer, but was cut off. “Hmm, you know, this should be further reviewed. Samira already has a lot on her plate. Let her know that you’ll be taking the lead on this for the department. Darius will bring you up to speed.”

The world around me spun. Take that Father, I’m already getting the recognition I had to scrape and fight for every day with you, even when I’d accomplished something. “Will do, Mr. Swain.”

I strode from his office, feeling at the summit of the world, but a curious sensation of butterflies filled my stomach. As the door shut behind me, I let myself smile wide. I’d done it, sufficiently impressed him, the CEO with the ruthless reputation, the known hardass, the man with...with those captivating dark eyes. “Reign it in Kat.” Furiously I whispered to myself. “You’re engaged and you’ve seen attractive men before.” My mind betrayed me though, flooding me with the sensation of having those eyes focused on me as I walked.

Silently lecturing myself, I headed back to the elevator. The sudden vibration of my phone from my jacket pocket shook me from the cycle of my thoughts. Pulling it out, the notification seemed there just to judge me, Garen’s smiling face poised next to it. “Hey dear, how’s that first day going?”