#I feel really strongly about this okay

[ahsokatanos-lightsabertechnique]

A Clint Barton Appreciation Essay/Analysis

Disclaimer: Hey! Movie Clint wasn’t great! MCU Hawkeye is a disservice to Jeremy Renner and Clint Barton. Kind of unfortunate casting in my opinion, bc I love Jeremy Renner and I love comics! Hawkeye.

Clint Barton’s life started out normally. And by normally I mean it started out sucky (how much suck-ier it got after that was not normal, and arguably spiraling into increasing levels of suck is Clint Barton’s superpower). He and his older brother, Barney, were regularly beaten by the drunken waste of a human they called a father. Their mother was caught in the same situation, so it’s not really fair to call her out (and I’m not trying to!). However, it’s worth noting that the boys didn’t get much protection from her either (not trying to victim-shame, just saying the dynamics of the situation had an impact on Clint and his brother). One day his father beat him so badly that he lost most of his hearing. Not long after this, his parents died in a car crash (his father was driving drunk, big surprise), and the boys were kicked into the foster system. That was a mess. Enough said. So, at this point, Clint has never known any adults that didn’t let him down somehow. Actually, scratch that, he never lived with an adult that didn’t abuse him in some way or another. Eventually the foster system was so bad that they ran away and joined a nearby circus. They were taken in by two acts called the Swordsman and Trick Shot. The boys were trained by the two men, and for a short period things went well for Clint, since he found something he was really really good at (arrows and throwing knives, yippee) and was praised for it. This didn’t last long though, since Swordsman and Trick Shot were both criminals that were using the boys to make more money in their theft/gambling/racketeering/etc. ventures. Depending on which comics you read, each one tried to kill Clint when he wouldn’t do the crime thing, betrayed him, left him, or some combo thereof. His brother, Barney, did the same. This was particularly devastating to Clint because Barney had been the only real family that had, at any point, loved and protected him. 

That was just his CHILDHOOD. What happens after is long and complicated, and we won’t go into that here. The point is, all of his personal relationships fail (with the exception of Kate Bishop). Why? Well, after all that shit that went down before the age of, like, twelve, Clint doesn’t trust anyone. He doesn’t trust himself. He has a deep-seated case of insecurity and self-hatred. He doesn’t trust other people that get close because, of course, they’ll hurt him and then leave him. The self-hatred, in my opinion, is because all of those people that abused and betrayed him told him that their actions were HIS fault. I think he knows logically that they aren’t, but on some level, he thinks they’re right. He can’t have a meaningful relationship of any kind when every instinct, conscious or not, screams to show the other person how horrible he is before they do any damage. They can’t blame what they do on him if they already know what a piece of shit he is, right? It’s not his fault if they leave. But then they do, and it hurts anyway, because he’s lied to them or cheated on them, and when they leave they blame him. Because this time it actually was his fault. “Burn them before they burn me” only ever works in theory, never in practice. His self-sabotage is an especially toxic defense mechanism. Paired with a spectacular case of commitment-phobia, it means that he has no one. No one. Absolutely nobody. He knows the Avengers from work. He knows some people in passing. But he is alone in the world. If he was dying, the only people that would care would also be just so tired of him, because they love a person that has made himself impossible to love. And, being people trying to make good relationship decisions, they’ve not only left him. They’ve given up on him. He has made himself unlovable, and sees believes that he’s a living disease to anything good. At least, this is how he sees his relationships.

It’s horrible, but also absurdly ironic. He’s not walking trash. He’s a golden retriever of a man that would help a fucking CRICKET cross the street. When a dog gets hit by a car because its owners are assholes, he willingly GETS SHOT to get to the dog, take it to the vet, and save its life. He then proceeds (after being beaten to hell, shot, and bled/dripped on from dragging a soaking wet and bleeding dog for god knows how long through the rain) to kick the ever-loving shit out of the people that owned the dog. Not because they’re mafia. Not because they hit him or hurt him. Because of the DOG. He spends every spare moment of his time and money fighting to keep his neighbors from being forced into homelessness by the crime lords that own their building. He hates himself so intensely, blames himself for every time he fails to help someone so completely, that he is totally blind to the fact that he is beloved. The man is a goddamn saint in every way that matters. He’s painfully flawed and ridiculously kind. 

To top this all off, he deals not only with emotional insecurity but also with physical and professional insecurity. He’s an Avenger. The man is so fucking lame. He shoots stuff with arrows. And then gets whaled on by aliens and gods and science experiments and lands in traction in the hospital AGAIN while everyone else drop-kicks the bad guys into the sun or whatever. That’s how he sees himself. He’s useless, a pity case. Nope. Nope nope nope. He’s so far past olympic-level athlete it isn’t even funny. He’s clever. He really is more accurate with projectile weapons than ANYONE ELSE IN MARVEL COMICS. That’s the most dope thing. It’s a simple thing, and it isn’t spectacular, and any person can shoot a bow and learn gymnastics. It isn’t about WHAT he’s doing. It’s about the LEVEL HE’S DOING IT AT. Sure, he’s no Thor, but he can hold his own against the vast majority of Marvel characters. It isn’t flashy, and he’ll look like he’s gone through a meat tenderizer (with a concussion thrown in for good measure), and he’ll probably look ridiculous doing it, but! The man is human. No super soldier serum. No magic. No super-human abilities. He’s the very personification of humanity in a league of people that aren’t really human anymore (if they ever were). Like, if anyone was ever to be an avenger in real life…they’d be Clint. But maybe not with a bow and arrow (we must allow some whimsy in our comics, after all). He’s amazing because of what he can do, sure. But what makes him truly wonderful is how hard he’s trying. He’s given up on himself, but every day he tries, and tries, and tries. He takes out his hearing aids and closes his eyes every now and then, because he just can’t bring himself to face any consequences that day. Sometimes he just lives off of coffee. There are days where he just lies on the floor and doesn’t move. But he drags himself out of bed, drags himself out the door, drags himself through LIFE simply because he cannot resist the ever-present impulse to make it a better place. And in so many ways, at least all the ways that matter, that is the most deeply human way to be good. I’m not saying he’s the best avenger, but you know what, fuck that, he’s my favorite. 

[arthursfuckinghat]

There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me

[prince-liest]

I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)

Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2) That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3) If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4) Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)

The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.

I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.

But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.

Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.

And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.

In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

[sonknuxadow]

sorry i dont really like the shadow is silvers dad theory/headcanon/whatever and part of the reason for it is that people keep presenting it as an actual thing that could be possible even though it makes no sense and all "evidence" people use to back it up is easily disputed

[maddy-ferguson]

i'm never not thinking about how people think that the duffers used will's feelings to fix mlvn and are just okay with that. and think we were crazy for ever expecting anything else

[muppetbyers]

idk man but i think theres such a connection between will being possessed in s2 and like 'what happens when my boy is gone' and will giving the painting to mike under el's name. just like... will being replaced and then replacing himself. and like his entire person was being replaced by the mf, but also everything that he said was from el with the painting and speech was intrinsically his and his alone. and how his arc since s1 has been about hiding but also being right there. and how its all tied to his queerness. and how ideally in s5 this should lead to will not hiding/moving on from his identity and his feelings, but instead embracing them.

[nomazee]

a month ago i said i would yell about misogyny and patriarchal themes in fanfiction and eventually i will but there are so many thoughts and feelings in my head that it will take me forever to type it down. But i will say this

Be critical of the things you read. i’m not saying you CANT read for enjoyment—you CAN and SHOULD read for fun. But i’m saying that sometimes you should take notice of the themes in writing and think “wow, i wonder why that’s written like that. Is this harmful or is this helpful?”

it’s a given that fanfiction is widely heteronormative because society and media blah blah blah We know all of this … but in my opinion i think it’s important to think about why women in hetero fics are portrayed the way they are sometimes. I think reader insert fics have gone a long way in being more inclusive and less harmful than they were years ago BUT. Do not let that stop you from recognizing themes in the works you read right now

like; Why are misogyny-affected people written a certain way?? Why are there often degrading themes in a lot of tropes and fics regarding women?? Why are there certain roles that misogyny affected people are expected to fulfill even in fiction?? why are women often the “default” for fics with male characters?? think about any of these questions for like longer than two minutes, read a bad fic, and you will probably see where i’m coming from

[dirt-str1der]

I still get scared when i remember kiryu is canonically quite lean and not a fatty at all

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[starbuck]

I remember back when The Mountain Goats No Children was a meme on here seeing a post that went “I hope you live, i hope we both live,” and it making me SO angry…

And this was before I had ever even listened to the song (or anything by TMG for that matter), but now, knowing that John wrote the song, and specifically the line “I hope you die, I hope we both die” in response to radio overplay of the sugary sweet I Hope You Dance, I feel even more vindicated, because like.

Yes. Ultimately my overall life philosophy is that I hope we all live… I would hope that goes without saying. But No Children isn’t a life philosophy. It’s about how sometimes everything sucks and you feel like shit and trapped and hopeless and angry and I HOPE YOU DIE, I HOPE WE BOTH DIE!!!!!!!!! And who can’t relate to that? Who has NEVER felt like that in their lives??????

I feel a little silly accusing what was ultimately just a joke meme post of Toxic Positivity, but that was the vibe I was getting from it, which is why it made me mad. As though it was sticking up its nose at a song it clearly had no understanding of and going “well I hope we both LIVE 😇😇” and like. Fuck you lol. It’s okay to feel negative emotions. It’s okay to be angry.

[cassmouse]

This might be just me being delulu but imo Stranger by Olivia Rodrigo is SO post-series canon Roxie coded. Like. Look this is roxie after the closure and the healing and the possible Kim involvement this is her after she got to be happy

[drealovesxenomorphs]

Medic TF2 Observation

Look for months now I have been foaming at the mouth with some observations regarding his charismatic moments and how much I appreciate the approaches the writers made for his character. Though there's truth to what it says here, it's all my opinion. I just have to spew it on here. Read if you want.

______________________________________________________________

He is extremely charismatic. There is no truth in the show he puts on, when I watch him finesse everyone, he is so charming that no one can help but love him. Even despite everything he's done to them.

He is insane. Awful. Bad bad bad. He is one of the few amoral characters to ever exist (immoral characters are a dime a dozen, amoral are a rare breed though.) But. He's great. He makes us smile, and laugh, and gives us free seretonin.

The whole "I teleported bread" scene, just before Soldier was about to ruin the moment, I was looking at Medic, and his smile. His eyebrow raise. I've said this already, we know who he is, he is psychotic, but it is the way that he expresses himself,

Bro does not care. He does not care about the question. And it makes me feel so much to think that he really does not have any form of empathy or care towards anything about this man. He could kill this man. But. It's the show he puts on. He has to make people seem like he cares. He's spent years mastering the artful skill of deception.

Medic is an actor. His ability to lure everyone under his spell was the og deal with the devil.

Then this applies to other moments in Expiration Date, like the way he says "They're tumors! 😌" or the way he smiles at Soldier as he + Engie are walking down the hall with the bread. Or just the vibe he gave off while he + Engie were experimenting.

[aeolianblues]

some of you will tag every third music post #girl interrupted #femcel #female hysteria #female rage #coquette #dollette and then the post will turn out to be about a known pathetic slobby wet indie boy with a mop of hair

[visdiefje]

I'm pretty sure my experiences haven't changed from when I last asserted my identity labels but my view kinda has I guess

[fowl-up]

Me after reading the Hartemis debate

[bumblingbabooshka]

I will walk down to the end with you / If you will come all the way down with me.