#I finally get to use this icon I had laying around for a year

[w2soneshots]

Ibiza -W2S

words: 1.2k+

warnings: alcohol consumption.

summary: you spend the day on a yacht while your boyfriend and his mates film hide & seek. You deal with his mean drunkenness. Then when you get back to the villa you take care of him.

notes: this is based off of this request!! I think drunk Harry’s hilarious😭. Don’t forget to reblog! Enjoy this extra lone one💓✨

Liked by gkbarry_, ksi and 561,308 others

y/username: Ibiza 2024!🌴🍹🌺☀️💘

Tagged: @wroetoshaw @behzingagram @faithloisak @taliamar @freyanightingale

-comments-

wroetoshaw: 🔥🔥

faithloisak: you cutie

taliamar: stunning girl🫶🏼

y/nfanpage21: pahaha the second pic😭

user31096420: another iconic sidemen holiday

user91837410: she's so fit

A few days ago we arrived in Ibiza. It was initially just going to be the boys because they were planning a few sidemen videos. But they decided that there hasn't been a proper holiday with everyone for years since, Ethan and Faith had Olive, Me and Harry got married, as well as Simon and Talia so we cleared our schedules and booked tickets.

We're here for a week and plan on doing as much relaxing as we can but the boys still need to film their videos. Today they're filming a hide and seek on a huge yacht. We're all staying in a massive villa that's really close to the sea line. "Morning." Harry yawned. My sleepy face curved into a content smile. "Good morning." I whispered before kissing his soft lips. Harry wrapped his arms around my torso. "Do we have to get up?" He dug his head into my neck. "Yes Haz. The boats booked for eleven." I replied. He groaned.

Eventually I got him up and we began getting ready. I pulled on a bikini that wouldn't give me offensive tan lines, since I'm planning on laying in the sun all day. Then popped on a cute cover up. Once I'd sorted my hair and covered myself in suncream I headed downstairs where everyone was sat eating breakfast. I said "good morning." then grabbed a plate of fresh fruit along with a smoothie.

After breakfast we all collected the last of our things then just as the taxis pulled up we left. Harry helped Ethan get Olives stuff into the boot while I carried the baby for Faith while she clipped in the car seat. It's only a ten minute drive so we were soon being dropped off at the dock. The day before yesterday we spent a few hours on a smaller boat but today (since they're filming a video) the yacht is massive. The crew also flew in yesterday to film this video so they met us here.

We were told not to grab our things from the taxis because the staff on board would get it for us. When we got onto the yacht we were immediately given drinks and a quick toor. The woman brought us up some stairs. "And these are the tanning loungers." Me and the girls looked at each other with a smile. "This is where I'm going to be spending the rest of the day." Talia joked, but she was being fully serious and I felt exactly the same.

The boys wondered off to film the intro for the video and all four of us girls lay down on a lounger, while Olive slept next to Faith in a little travel cot under one of the large umbrellas. I chatted quietly with Talia, Freya started reading her book and Faith soaked up the sun. We could hear the boys screaming, shouting and laughing as they filmed. Vik was the seeker and wasn't doing the best job which was obvious from what we could see from the top deck, but I'm sure that will make the video even funnier.

Once Harry, Ethan and Josh had been found we caught them peering up at us quite a few times. "You all look like creeps you know!" I shouted. The girls laughed from beside me and the boys faces turned a bright shade of red. "You just look too good in that bikini babe!" Harry shouted back sarcastically. I smirked with a shake of my head. Then returned to tanning.

After almost three hours the boys finally finished filming so we had some lunch. As the day went on we jumped into the sea, played mafia and just sat around enjoying each other's company. Everyone began actually drinking as it started to get later. Accept me, Faith, JJ and Tobi because I had had like one or two but really couldn't be arsed with a hangover, Faith needed to look after Olive and JJ and Tobi don't drink.

y/username just posted a new story!

I sat next to Harry as he swayed back and forth slightly. "You alright?" I asked. He was clearly very drunk. "What? Oh. Shut up I'm fine." He replied. I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. I looked around the group, all eyes on us. I burst into a fit of laughter. "Alright big man I think it's time you get to bed." I tried to help him stand. "No!" He shouted. I sighed tiredly. "Here. I'll help." Tobi got up from his seat. We decided to all call it a night so left the ship and got taxi's back to the villa.

"Here you go mate." JJ murmured as him and Tobi lay an almost asleep Harry on our bed. "Thanks boys." I smiled as they walked out with a quick "good night." I pulled Harry's clothes off, leaving him in just his boxers. Then I placed a glass of water on his nightstand, along with some paracetamol for his hangover. Thankfully Harry usually isn't physically sick when he has a hangover so there was no need for a bucket. After I took a quick shower I slipped into bed, next to him.

The next morning I got up decently early to make everyone breakfast. Faith was already downstairs since Olive had been awake for quite awhile and she didn't want to wake Ethan up since he was hungover and he woke up early yesterday for Olive. "Good morning you cutie." I greeted Olive in my high pitched baby voice, that seems to just appear whenever I'm around animals or babies. She giggled with the sweetest little smile.

"Morning." Faith also smiled as I sat down next to her on the couch. "So last night Harry seemed to be a little..." "mean." I finished her sentence. "Well yea." She breathed out a laugh. "He's a mean drunk. It really doesn't bother me to be honest. I find it hilarious." I chuckled. "I'm glad, I was a little concerned." "The first time we went out together it was a bit of a shock to the system but over the years I realised that it's just how he reacts to alcohol."

After a good chat with Faith I headed back upstairs to check on Harry. I slowly opened to door to see Harry front down on the bed with his face turned towards the door. I walked towards him and squatted in front of him. "Harry." I whispered as my hand gently stroked his face. He groaned. "Have some paracetamol love." I grabbed the pack from the nightstand. "My head hurts." He slowly opened one of his eyes. I smiled at him "I know. Sit up for me."

He pushed himself up and turned over so he was sitting against the headboard. He took the tablet along with almost the entire glass of water. "Was I mean?" He asked quietly. I laughed "Uhm... I've had much worse." He groaned as he covered his face with his hands. "Sorry." He mumbled. "Don't be. You were completely gone with the fairies." I said sarcastically. He chuckled but then winced, probably from the pounding headache. "Go back to sleep. I'll have breakfast downstairs when you're ready." I quickly pecked his forehead. "You're too good to me." He replied as he returned to his previous position.

[schumachersricciardo]

Shiver

Chapter Two - My Heart in Your Hands 

♡ Mick Schumacher x Reader, Eventual Best friend!Danny Ricc x reader (I mean, come on, how could I not?) 

♡ TW: Swearing, inaccurate timeline of F1/F2/F3, badly translated German using Google, anxiety, slight anxiety attack, a lot of crying in this chapter, allusions to child abuse/unsafe household, bad family dynamic, rude interviewers!!!, cursing, hurt/comfort, uhhhh frozen lasagna in italy, lmao.

♡ She/Her pronouns are used, nothing descriptive about reader except that her hair is long enough to pull back into a ponytail or braid, no reader insert, timeline skips. ALSO: WARNING!!!! I will barely be mentioning Michael Schumacher. I do not presume to know what he is thinking, or would say in these fictional scenarios. I am trying to be respectful of their privacy and not make any assumptions!!!!!! He will be mentioned here and there, but I do not believe any dialogue will be associated with him. If you do not like that, then do not read it. :) 

♡ 4.6k words

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one year later 

“MERCEDES ANNOUNCES MICK SCHUMACHER AND LEWIS HAMILTON TO DRIVE NEXT SEASON” 

“MERCEDES ANNOUNCES THE FIRST FEMALE RESERVE DRIVER” 

“CAN SCHUMACHER LIVE UP TO THE FAMILY NAME, AFTER FAILING TO DO SO LAST SEASON AT HAAS?” 

“WILL THE FIRST FEMALE RESERVE DRIVER FOR MERCEDES BE ABLE TO RACE THIS YEAR AT ALL?” 

“IS TOTO WOLFF LEADING A WINNING TEAM OR JUST A WOKE ONE?” 

“WOLFF’S TEAM CONSISTS OF A BLACK DRIVER, A SCHUMACHER, AND NOW THE FIRST FEMALE RESERVE DRIVER… WHAT IS HIS PLAY?” 

The room around you was dark, the only source of light being the brightness from your phone. You had been scrolling on your phone endlessly that morning… Or evening. You honestly couldn’t tell since you did not get any sleep. 

It had been a whirlwind of a year. Never in your wildest dreams would you have thought that in your second year in Formula One would you become a reserve driver for one of the best teams on the grid. Lewis Hamilton was iconic in his own right, and while Mick’s last season was one to be forgotten, he was slowly creeping up the ladder of success. You were still in Formula Two, apart of the famous Prema Racing team. In your current environment, it was a fact that you were the only female driver in F2 right now. You were making your own strides finally, after such a bad year last season. Yet, you couldn’t shake the feeling that the announcement of you become the reserve driver for Mercedes was somehow going to bite you in the ass. You had some serious self doubt as you lay curled up on your bed under a pile of blankets. The news was blowing up and so were your messages. They were mostly congratulatory, at least the text messages were. The news outlets were something else, and you didn’t even want to look at the comments on social media. You were simply just reading headline after headline, your heart in your stomach and your anxiety at an all time high. 

But soon enough, your phone lit up again and you looked at with a blank expression. 

INCOMING CALL: Mickey 🐭

You blinked a few times hoping that he would just think you were still sleeping or something. 

MISSED CALL: Mickey 🐭

INCOMING CALL: Mickey 🐭 

You also knew though that he would just keep calling and calling, then texting and texting… So with a big sigh, you pressed ‘accept’ and put the phone on speaker. 

“Hello?” 

“Schätzen! Did I wake you? I could not have, since it is practically one in the afternoon!” Mick giggled to himself, as you could hear him moving around. 

“What do you want, Mick?” 

And of course he didn’t deserve your shortness, or any attitude you were dishing out, but it was as if you couldn’t stop yourself. You would’ve been short with anyone, really. 

“I want you to cheer up, Schätzen. I know you are just in your room, on your phone.” Mick did his famous hum as he waited for you to respond. But what could you say? He knew you better than anyone else. “I know you’re worried about him contacting you with all the news, Schätzen.” 

Mick’s voice was much softer now. His tone was serious, but respectful. You could hear a faint dinging noise in the background as he shifted the phone again. You knew exactly where he was. Begrudgingly, you lazily got out of your bed - still wrapped in your favorite blanket - and made your way to your apartment’s front door. You sighed deeply knowing you probably looked as great as you felt. Opening the door, you peeked your head out and soon enough there was Mick strutting down the hallway. His smile was bright and wide. He carried grocery bags on one arm and in the other, his backpack. You turned on your heel and left the door open, making your way to your couch. Oh sweet respite. 

The front door shut closed. You had your eyes shut and your head tilted back against the wall. The only thing that plagued your mind was that Mick was right. He was going to call you and until then, you were a ball of anxiety and stress. 

“Have you eaten today, Smidge?” 

“Was denken Sie? (What do you think?)” You replied with monotony pouring out with each syllable. 

Mick just hummed again. You could hear him scrummaging through your fridge, putting things away and throwing old things out… Presumably. 

“Tell me your mood, Smidge.” Mick’s question loomed in the air for a few moments. You turned your head to look at the blond haired boy. 

He had a small smile on his face as he leaned against the fridge door. His arms crossed over his chest, his black shirt hugging his biceps noticeably. He had a cap on backwards, and by the looks of it, it looked like the same hat you had; a Mercedes one. 

“Shitty.” 

He nodded his head as a matter of factly, pulling something out of one of the grocery bags. A frozen lasagna, which was sacrilegious in Italy, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone your secret. He began to turn the oven on and prepare the food, singing some song you probably could name if it were any other day, to himself. Once the oven heated up hot enough, he threw the lasagna in there and shut the door. Making his way over to you, he waved his hand slightly towards the space beside you. Without a word you threw that side of your blanket out and welcomed him to sit beside you. 

It was a tradition that started when you two were young, to share a blanket when someone was upset. The first time was when Mick’s dad was out of town for a special event, and had missed a karting event. Mick couldn’t quite understand the demand his father’s job had and how amazingly his mother was taking care of him and his sister when his father would be away. He was just a little kid. After his karting event, you were snuggled up on his family’s couch in your favorite blanket of theirs. You too were just a kid, but you could sort of see how upset he was too. He wasn’t his normally, bubbly self. He was solemn, and closed off. So you did the one thing you thought would cheer him up… Open up the blanket and share space with your best friend. Mick curled up next to you and rested his head on your shoulder. And from then on, it became something sacred between the two of you. 

But now, as young adults thrown into the world you know now as your life, Mick’s much heavier head sat on your shoulder, while you sat in complete silence. 

“Ich habe solche Angst, Mickey… (I’m so scared, Mickey).” You barely said above a whisper, not daring to move a bone in your body. Mick’s warmth was welcome and much needed. 

“I know, but I’m going to be here for you. Always, you know that.” 

“But… He’s out there. And now, he knows exactly what I’ve been up to, when I have been so damn careful of making sure he knows nothing about me!” You began to sob. After holding your sobs in all day, you broke completely at his kind words. 

“Hey, hey… Smidge, look at me…” Mick was sat up and his fingers under your chin. You were forcing yourself to look away, embarrassed by the state you were in now. “Smidgen, please look at me. I can’t take it when I can’t help you.” 

You turned to face him, his fingertips still under your chin as his thumb caressed your cheek. It was hard to believe that the small, tiny little boy who could barely fit into his clothes - now had hands as big as your face. 

“What can I do, schätzen? Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.” His brows were slightly furrowed as pure concern washed over his face. 

“There’s nothing you can do, Mickey. I’m an adult now and that means he can find me if he wants.” You sniffled back more sobs and shut your eyes tightly. You could feel the pads of his thumbs wiping away the tears that soaked your flushed cheeks. “He’s going to find me… He’s going to find me… And… Fuck, I don’t even know what he’s going to do once he finds me.” 

“He is not going to find you, first of all. And second of all, I will never let that happen. I will do anything to make sure that never happens, okay?” 

You met his blue eyes, your own filled with hot tears. You were able to blink away a few of them to clear your eye-line. His jaw was clenched, pulsing with tension. If there was anyone else that would be angrier than you with the situation, it would be your best friend. And it was apparent as rage began to riddle his body. 

“You are only one man, Mick.” 

Finally, the hardened man broke with a scoff. He let out a laugh, much like the one on the first day you had met him. But this time, he didn’t cover his mouth and he was not apologetic. 

“No, Smidge. He is only one man. I am a man with thousands behind him, including you. He will never be able to hurt you, as long as I am living.” 

You couldn’t help but smile at your best friend sat in front of you. He knew you better than anyone else, and you knew he’d do anything to protect you from the evil that plagued this world. 

“Promise me? Promise me, Mickey.” 

Mick smiled his purely innocent and infectious smile. Bringing you close to him, engulfing you in a tight embrace. You could hear his steady heart beating as you took a deep breath, the smell of his cologne filling your senses with a calmness you hadn’t felt in days since the news was announced. If the world were going to end, you’d be happy with where you were. Mick placed a kiss to the top of your head and hummed. You could feel yourself drifting off, quickly too. You don’t remember the last time you slept to be honest. But as sleep took you, you could hear him mutter something in German. If you were more awake, maybe you could have understood it… But he was mumbling and the only thing on your mind now was getting rest, in the protection of your best friend. 

“Du hältst mein Herz in deinen Händen. Ich werde dich nie verletzen und ich werde dich nie verlassen. Das verspreche ich dir für immer. (You hold my heart in your hands. I will never hurt you, and I will never leave you. I promise you that forever.)” 

Age 9

It was strange for you to miss school. With Mick’s father’s schedule, it wasn’t strange for him to miss school sometimes, but you… There was a strange feeling that filled the air when you were absent. And not only did Mick feel it, but everyone in your class. You had managed to make some good friends at your school, and even with the kids that weren’t your friends, you were never absent. And if you were tardy, you always had a doctor’s note or your mother had called in ahead of time. 

Mick stared hard and long at your empty desk two rows over to his left. He was not paying one singular attention to what the teacher was saying. It was apparent that he was distressed. He was a year older than you, but the one class you shared was a math class. You were advanced, and he was… well Mick. Yet, your seat was empty and his mind began to fill with reasons as to why. Soon though, the bell rings and Mick is pulled out of his trance. Yeah, he was going to get an earful for not taking one note that class, but you slowly had become his best friend and his main concern. With a huff, Mick walked up to the teacher and cleared his throat. 

“Do… Do you know where Smidge is today?” 

The teacher cocked her head in confusion. 

“Smidge?” 

Mick’s cheeks flushed with pure embarrassment as he corrected himself to using your real name. Suddenly, the teacher’s demeanor changed and her posture straightened. 

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Mick. I would be more worried that you did not take notes today.” She was trying her best to redirect the 10 year old boy. 

“But-“ 

“I’m sure she is alright, Mick. Now, you wouldn’t want to be late to your next class.” The teacher stood to her feet and exchanged a soft expression with the boy. 

Leading him towards the door, she debated heavily in her mind if she should say anything. But then she saw his face. Mick was always bubbly, and friendly. Sure, he was shy sometimes, but she had never seen him be so much out of his shell until he met you. And clearly your absence was affecting him deeply. Moving her arm in front of him to impede him from leaving her classroom. 

“Mick, do you know anything about her family?” 

“Uh, I know her dad is in the military. And she moved her a few years ago? She really likes it here, though.”

The teacher nodded along and pulled her lips into a tight line. 

“Then that’s all I would think about, Mick. She enjoys this school and I know she enjoys being your friend.” 

Some smaller words were exchanged between the two in German, and as Mick made his way to his next class something caught the corner of his eye as he rounded the hallway. 

There you were. 

His eyes lit up, a smile creeping upon his face. Yet, your eyes were glued to the ground and your face expressionless. Your older brother stood by your left side, and your mother by the right. Mick moved over and tried to hide behind the row of lockers. You didn’t see him. You didn’t really see anything. You were so zoned out that you could barely understand what the principal was saying to your mother. Or you just didn’t understand that level of German yet. Finally, the principal and your mother shook hands. She placed a kiss to your brother’s head and he went on his way to the older kid’s part of campus. Turning to you, she whispered something into your ear and repeated the motion. Soon, it was just you in the hallway, putting your backpack on your back and making way to the next class. 

“Smidge! Smidge!” Mick finally and bravely called out to you once he saw you were alone. He caught up to you and noticed your body language was different. “Where were you today? Math class was so boring without you!” 

“I was, uh, busy.” You curtly answered, avoiding eye contact. “I have to go, but I’ll see you later?” You quickly looked up at your now very confused friend. You gave him a small smile and darted away before he could ask you anything. 

Again, there was the boy who you became the closest to, alone in the middle of the hallway. Something was not right, and he wanted to know what it was and how to help. He hated feeling like he couldn’t help you. 

So he turned to the one person he knew could help: His father. 

Current Day 

Two days after Mick and come over and cheered you up, you had your first media day to prepare for. They wanted to interview you, and you knew it was going to be absolute chaos. You had very little media training, and knew that your anxiety would be through the roof. But at least both Lewis and Mick would be by your side. 

“So, you’ll be in the middle of the two boys, and then there will be someone there to field the questions and make sure that you don’t get too overwhelmed.” 

“Alright.” 

You were finishing your hair and makeup while your new PR assistant went through the play by play of the afternoon. You never did well with big crowds, but knowing your two friends would be there was a big relief. 

An hour and a half later, you got into a large SUV - accompanied by Mick. 

“Smidge! You look so beautiful, are you excited for your first media day?” You scooted over in the back seat to the other window as he filed in beside you. 

“No.” You honestly answered, shrugging your shoulders. Mick reached over and squeezed your hand reassuringly. “He’s going to see this you know.” 

“Eh, so is everyone else. He can go fuck off for all I care.” Mick smiled widely and pulled his phone out. Propping it up, he ushered for you to scoot back to him. “I want to remember this day.” 

You leaned comfortably against him and smiled at his phone camera. 

“And don’t worry. I’ll send it to you once I edit out all my blemishes.” Mick gave you a wink and with a click of his tongue, the flash went off and you once again scooted over back to your side. 

Thirty minutes later, the car stopped and you could hear the absolute chaos outside. Your heart rate picked up and your hands began to shake. 

“Schätzen, just keep your eyes on me, okay? You can grab my shirt if you feel overwhelmed. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

The door opened and what seemed like a million flashes of professional and phone cameras begin to go off. Mick seemed a natural in this world, and you obviously seemed like you are not. Instinctively, you grabbed the hem of his Mercedes branded shirt as he guided you through the crowd. Soon enough, you got inside and met up with Lewis and Toto. 

You took a deep breath, and felt some sort of relief. 

“Wow, you look beautiful today.” Lewis smiled his famous smile, and gave you a nod. “You’re showing both of us up!” 

“Yeah, okay Mr. Knighted Lewis Hamilton.” You elbowed him jokingly, earning a small laugh from Toto as well. 

Small talk ensued and before you knew it, the three of you were sat at a table, in front of what seemed like one hundred journalists and cameras. Toto was off doing his own interview for with upcoming season’s other team leaders. 

“Hi, and welcome. We will start with questions for any of these three lovely drivers… And we will start with you… Nicole from SkySports.” 

“Hello, as they said my name is Nicole and I am from SkySports. My question is for Lewis.” 

Lewis waved and nodded in agreement as she proceeded. 

“You’ve been driving with Mercedes for four years now, winning an unbelievable amount with Mercedes. Are you more nervous for the upcoming season with the added pressure of being teammates now with a Schumacher?” 

You did your best to keep your facial expression neutral. 

“Thanks for the question…” Lewis began with a grin. “No, not at all. I don’t think there is more or less pressure now. I think the amount of pressure remains the same, and that we all want to win. Regardless of someone’s name or gender - that’s why we’re here. To race and win.” 

Both Lewis and Mick fielded a few more questions about their new teammates and the upcoming season. You remained silent, trying to take it all in. 

“Hi, my name is Gabrielle. My question is for the new reserve driver.” 

Finally, you straightened your posture and gave a small and polite smile, indicating for her to go on with it. 

“My question is: Do you feel that being the first female reserve driver is being overshadowed by the news of Schumacher and Hamilton becoming a team?” 

Remain unbiased. Calm. And truthful. You tried to repeat your PR assistant’s instructions in your head as you conjured up an answer. Biting your lower lip, you finally exhaled. 

“That’s a great question, thank you. Um, no I don’t feel like anyone or anything is being overshadowed by one thing or the other. Like Lewis said, regardless of name, race or gender… I think we’re all here because we love the sport and want to be successful in it.” 

“And is it true that you have pretty much come on this journey on your own?” 

Mick immediately straightened up as he scanned the room. He was trying to make it obvious that he was on high alert now. It was no surprise that you two were childhood friends and friends even now, but he still felt overly protective, especially it being your first media day. 

“Um, yes. I live in Italy alone, but I have many friends that I care about so - I don’t think I am ever really alone.” You tried to let out a small chuckle, as your nervous played with your hands in your lap. 

“We are glad to hear have friends and have made friends, but what I was referring to was your family. Is it true that you do not have much contact with your brother and no contact whatsoever with your father?” 

“I don’t think-“ You began to blink quickly and your words began to sputter. “That’s just… I… I’m not… Uh…” Your eyebrows were pulled in a tight line as your eyes darted around the entire room. You took a deep breath and paused, but before you could say anything else a familiar voice interrupted your racing thoughts. 

“I don’t really think that’s appropriate to talk about at this time. We are here to speak about motorsports, not our personal lives.” Lewis interjected. “Whether or not she wants to answer is up to her, but let’s try to stick to Formula One, huh?” With added lightness, Lewis smiled at the flashing cameras. 

“We just are trying to get to know her better! We know a lot about your upbringing and obviously, Mick’s, but-“

“You know those things because we have both have been open about those things, or at least as open as we choose to be. This is her first day in front of all these cameras, and Lewis is absolutely correct - this is completely inappropriate. And I will have no problem leaving this interview if it continues.” Mick’s face was serious. His jaw was clenched again. Scratching his stubble that peppered his jawline, he made eye contact with the interviewer that asked you that question. “Do we all understand?” 

Hours had passed by and you were sitting alone in the hotel room. You were sitting by the window, in a comfortable chair, your makeup off and softest sweatpants on. The media day didn’t go quite as planned to begin with, but once Mick made sure there were no more inappropriate questions, it actually went quite well. You felt brave and pretty good towards the end. There was solace where you sat and relief as you looked out at the skyline. 

A knock on the door pulled you out of your day dream and as you happily toddled over to the door, the feeling of joy and accomplishment quickly left every fiber of your body. 

You felt the ground fall out underneath you, and your heart stop beating. You looked up with tears beginning to brim in your eyes, and with every breath you tried to take, your body became more and more numb. 

“So it is true. All this time, you've been in Europe.” 

Your father stood at ease in front of you, in the hallway of your hotel. He was much older than you thought, the salt and pepper stubble making it obvious he’s aged. He still wore his uniform, and clearly still was in undated with their values as he stood there - detached. He knew you weren’t going to invite him in, and truly he didn’t come here for that. And you know why he came here. 

“You saw the media coverage, I take it then.” 

He nodded, remaining stoic. Clearing his throat, he began to walk back down the hallway. But before you could run into your room and call Mick, he turned his head back and smiled at you, making everything in your body want to jump off the nearest bridge. 

“It’s a shame it had to be like this. But you’ve grown up very nicely. I’m glad to have seen you.” 

And as soon as he turned the corner to get on the elevators, you ran inside and grabbed your phone. Your hands were shaking uncontrollably, your sobs and cries filling the empty air of your hotel room. 

“Smidge? Smidge? Are you okay? I cannot understand you! Smidgen, please calm down!” Mick was panicked. He was in his own room, playing video games trying to relax and wind down for the evening. “Smidge, take a breath.” 

You did your best to breathe for a moment, and with one big breath you told him that he had found you. Mick didn’t waste any time. He even ran up three flights of stairs to get to you. Sure, the elevators could have been faster, but he didn’t want to risk that. He was breathing heavily, but he grabbed the spare room key you had given him out of his wallet and opened your hotel room. 

He spotted you in the corner of the tiny living room of your hotel room. You were pressed up against the wall, in the fetal position. Your shoulders were bobbing up and down as you internally screamed and audibly cried. You didn’t even hear Mick open the door. 

Mick made even faster time crossing the room, scooping you into his arms as he sat beside you on the floor. He knew you were in no shape to talk, and he knew what you needed. He began to rub your back and hum softly. 

“Shhhhh… It’s okay, schätzen… I’m here… I’m here… I’m so sorry, I wasn’t before, but I’m here…” 

You took a few more big breaths and finally got your heart rate down. You looked up at him, your eyes bloodshot, and your face wet with your crying. Mick did his best to catch up to wiping your tears as they fell. 

“Schätzen, I’m never going to let him breathe the same air as you ever again. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there… Fuck, I should’ve been there.” 

“Mickey… It’s alright. I didn’t even know…” 

Mick pressed a kiss against your forehead, knowing you didn’t and couldn’t finish your sentence. And what seemed like an eternity later, you finally had stopped crying. The two of you had moved to the couch and were sharing a blanket you found in the linen closet. You had your head rest against his shoulder, again dozing off. His one arm was tightly wrapped around you, his other sending off emails on his phone. He was going to do whatever it took to protect you. Soon, he put his phone down and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He could hear your steady breathing. And as he gently moved you to lay your head on his lap instead, he got more comfortable on the couch and draped a lazy arm over your side. His fingers traced caressing circles on your outer thigh as he himself began to drift off. 

You knew that depending on him this much was not healthy, and that you should not be falling asleep on his lap. But you also knew he wasn’t going to let you go or out of his sight in the near future. You didn’t know whether to love this moment or hate this moment. 

But you knew one thing was for certain. 

You never wanted to forget it. 

[extranenas]

well the Olympics just ended, but what do you think about a kylian mbappe scenario where he's dating someone who is an athlete who is competing in the Olympics

miss let down

pairing: kylian mbappe x fem!reader

genre: angst to fluff

plot: you always wanted to be the greatest- the girl who always wanted to be the best of the best- but when you finally get to prove yourself to the world in track- you failed miserably in your eyes…

extra: again for the sake of the story, reader was born in the us just so we have an idea of like what team she is and such (citizen ship wise yk actual ethnicity not specified) lowkey i had to make up some french players for the storyline😭😭😭

masterlist

august 3rd 2024 would be the death of you. the biggest day in your entire life and what you worked up to for… 4 years…? spending that time for a good 10 seconds of your life that meant too much.

something that would determine if you really what you thought you were.

you were going against huge names- your teammate sha’carri richardson who was the fastest woman in the world and the famous jamaican runners who were known for dominating that iconic red and white track.

and then there was just you- a girl who managed to pass through the trials and made the 2024 olympic team. crazy thing how the biggest celebrator of your accomplishment was your boyfriend though.

throwing a small party for you and everything because of making the team while usually its you celebrating him cause of well… hes probably becoming the best right now winning soccers biggest trophy at only 18, getting into probably one of the biggest- if not the hugest club in the world, and breaking records on records.

and you were over here competing against his national teams track team before finals on his countries on soil (which you hope he didnt take too personally)

you dont even really remember how you two met cause it was such a blur. it went by so fast!

“everyone knows that track is so much easier than football ky. its like… common knowledge! i mean come on- they just run around in circles for like… 20 seconds or whatever.”

“dont say that man… i mean if you tried it would you actually… complete it?”

“nah.”

“then why- ok dude.”

a then 19 year old kylian got up from the pitch he sat on. they currently were preparing for the upcoming world cup the year following and of course, an ambitious kylian wanted to touch that golden trophy.

he walked around the pitch and saw the players he seen every day just talking or laying down after a day of rough practice in that summer heat france was known for- other than pastries and such. he soon stopped by and went onto his phone in which one of his younger friends went up to him and did what kylian did.

“did you hear? about that united states team being in france right now.”

“what, what for?”

“some track tour or whatever- look.”

he soon shoved the phone in kylians hand which showed the news headline saying what he said.

“where are they training?”

“here dude!”

“what? here? they cant find somewhere else or…”

“no. theyre gonna be on the whole other side though so im guessing its fine man. i dont know.”

kylians eyebrow raised- sharing a centre with a track team? that doesnt make much sense.

-

the day came where the track runners finally arrived and got to the field where they started condition. of course those two being the curious men they were- decided they wanted to go see the team. they constantly bickered on whether or not they should go- even with the reminder if they did and they got caught snooping- 250 push ups would be needed for about 2 days.

and they still went.

they saw the team and were somewhat disappointed on what they saw.

“wheres all the running? this is bullshit dude! i thought they would like- i dont know run cause theyre apparently the best or whatever… those damn americ-“

kylian immediately stopped him and went quiet.

“i hear someone man. shut up real quick.”

they nodded and turned around to see a girl in the track uniform standing and looking at them.

“who are you guys?”

that day was probably one of the greatest ever for kylian- meeting the love of his life cause he got caught snooping. now he watched her grow into a professional and is now running on the track to win a gold medal.

he sat in the crowd with a shirt of her face on it with a huge smile- waiting for the signal so the girls could start running

finally it rung out- and all you saw was 11 girls blasting off and running for their damn life for a 100m race. one of them being immediately spotted cause of her hair kylian helped choose out before she left.

she ran for her life- going ahead of nieta before running behind again- soon regaining speed and going back up.

8 seconds past by until 9 hit… then 10. finally someone hit first. and it wasnt ___… she still ran and got 3rd place. stopping as she crossed the finish line with a frown as tears welled up in her eyes.

‘bronze? i got bronze?’

kylian noticed- immediately keeping it in mind.

she walked out of the stadium after receiving that bronze medal- headphones in with a defeated look before getting tackled by kylian.

“amour! you did so good!”

“stop ky… im tired.”

“but its true! you did great- i mean bronze at your first olympics? who else can do that?”

“carri’ got silver on hers kylian! its her first too! i wanted gold not bronze- i worked too hard for just bronze!”

kylians face fell as he got quiet, immediately hugging her.

“you still did great amour- i don’t understand why you feel other wise. i get losing is hard but its inevitable! you need loses to win ___ trust me.”

“yea you say that cause you lost the world cup two years ago even though you won it already.”

“youre missing the point here.”

“sorry.”

“look all im saying is that you shouldnt be so hard on yourself cause you didnt get what you exactly wanted- you still ran- you still placed- be proud ___! you worked too hard for this.”

she looked at him with a small smile, finally taking in her win.

“do you want to wear it then?”

“yes- definitely.”

she laughed as she placed the medal around his neck- finding solace in this situation.

[takenbypeter]

Nothing Like Ross and Rachel

Adam Warlock x reader

Words: 1259

Authors Note: kinda continuation to A New Form Of Intimacy but it still makes sense on its own

You didn’t know what you unleashed after that first kiss with Adam, but it seemed like now he found any and every opportunity to connect your lips together.

You enjoyed kissing him just as much as he did you, but sometimes you found it to be a little much.

For example, when he’s running out to complete a quick, and I mean quick errand, or when you’re going out just to greet Cosmo.

Though most of the time you did find the whole scenario absolutely adorable, especially on days when he would visit, excitedly telling you about all the good that he performed during the day. It could be the simplest of deeds; helping someone with heavy items, or helping an animal, and after telling each story he’d then wait with his golden lips puckered slightly and you’d of course lean down to meet them.

Because, how could you say no to that face, plus like mentioned before you truly didn’t mind too, too much.

But because of this, you decided it would be quite amusing to play a little joke on him. It was simple, all you had to do was avoid kissing him. How hard could that be?

Adam arrived at your living quarters that night at his usual time but this time as you opened the door to greet him, instead of your typical kiss, you quickly hugged him in an embrace. If he found this odd he hid it well as he easily adapted, reciprocated your hug.

You hastily pulled him to your bed which you did almost every night. He got cozy under the covers as you turned the radio on.

Quill had given it to you as a gift the last time you all dropped him off on Earth and you were honestly truly grateful for the gift, especially since you’ve been missing television these past few years that you’ve spent on Knowhere.

With the radio though, of course it was only sound that would be emitted but you two considered that more than enough, still finding the entertainment very enjoyable.

Recently you two have gotten into Friends, with you claiming it was one of the top ten most iconic sitcoms to come to, and together you’ve been listening to it each and every night. And of course if at any point Adam found himself stuck on a mission you would always fill him in the next day.

As you got everything you needed you finally ran to your bed where Adam was already waiting as he held the covers up so you could fit in his arms. As you crawled in between his sturdy yet welcoming arms he puckered his lips a little and although you noticed it you chose to ignore, instead saying, “this is my favorite part!” You shouted, as you began to sing along to the theme song while doing the claps.

You tugged Adam’s arms, crossing them around you as you lay your head on his chest. You would find yourself laughing every now and then but noticed that Adam would just chuckle lightly, seeming to just follow your lead.

You noticed Adam’s fingers start to rub the tiniest of swirls against your arms. And then after a few moments he then relaxed his hands resting them around your upper arms before he squeezed them twice.

You made a point not to react.

Adam, still not picking up on anything, leans down pressing his lips against the top of your head to which you scrunched up your face, “Adam please. I’m trying to listen,” you said, making sure you were firm in your words.

And with that all his actions stopped and he was no longer laughing when you laughed. You were actually feeling a little bit of guilt.

Feeling conflicted, you decided to take the opportunity to use the bathroom and get your thoughts together.

“I have to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” you said as you gently pushed against his chest. Adam reached out, keeping you from distancing yourself too much.

You glance at him and were met with puckered lips as Adam clearly was waiting for a kiss goodbye.

Instead you pressed two fingers to them before successfully separating yourself from the boy, “Adam I’m just using the bathroom,” is what you said and you watched as his lips curved into an obvious pout.

“What if something happens?”

“Then I’ll just call you for help,” you said and all Adam could do was watch as you left the room.

In the bathroom you truly couldn’t decide if you should continue this whole prank that didn’t seem to be funny anymore, or if you should just end it.

Eventually you came to decide on the latter and exited the bathroom.

As you came to the main area you noticed Adam was now sitting upright in the bed with his arms pulled to his side as he stared off into the distance.

“I’m back,” you sang as you walked closer to where he sat.

Before you could explain yourself he asked the question, “are we on a break?”

The question caught you off guard for a split moment as you sat at the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, what?”

Adam pushes his hands against the cushions and shifts himself so he’s facing you. His eyebrows are curved in the center with clear worry written on his face as his eyes are wide. “Rachel and Ross fought before they went on a break. Are we on a break?”

“We’re not on a break.”

“You won’t kiss me! Did I do something wrong? Did I make you mad? Are we fighting?” His mind seems to just be coming up with more questions just as he expels them and you have to cup his face to bring his attention back to you.

“Adam we are not fighting, and we are most certainly not breaking up…unless…” your brain suddenly wondered if he thought of the possibility before, “you want to?”

You didn’t think it was possible but his eyes got even wider, “no, never!…do you?”

“No of course not! This was just a stupid prank I’ve heard about. I thought it would be funny but now it’s just upsetting.”

“A prank?”

“Yes, a joke…” your hands finally leave his cheeks as your head ducks down, beginning to feel awful about the whole thing you’ve put him through, “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was mad…I’m sorry.”

You didn’t expect him to become this upset, but in all honesty you completely understood his reaction. Truly it wasn’t even that funny of a prank.

You were really just feeling awful sitting there having upset both him and yourself but now Adam was the one to cup your own face, his golden fingers lightly resting against them.

He tilts your head up and you look into his eyes for a mere moment before he pushes his lips into yours.

You comfortably give in, matching his movements before you both distance from each other, but Adam kept his forehead against yours, “I’m just glad you still love me.”

You grinned, giving him a quick peck again, “I never stopped,” you reminded.

Adam pulled you back into his arms as you two resumed listening to the episode.

“I can’t believe you thought we were Ross and Rachel, those two are very toxic together. If anything were like Bananahammock and Crap Bag,” you added.

“Who?” He asked not having gotten that far in the show yet.

“Oh you’ll find out.”

[babydollmarauders]

EARLY — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

FAITHLYNN’S 500 CELLY!

🌷: “I wish we could live together already.” & “I'm too sober for this.” “You don't even drink.” “Maybe I should start.” & “It's six o'clock in the morning, you're not having vodka.” with Jack.

despite having my own apartment, i find myself spending most nights at my boyfriends instead. after two years together, we finally agreed to move in together a few months ago, but unfortunately there’s one catch; my lease. so, until my lease ends in a couple months, i’m stuck in my apartment. although, i’m rarely there, opting to stay at Jack’s house more often than not.

“alright,” Jack sighs as he flops down onto the couch beside me. “what are we watching tonight?”

“seeing as, you made me sit through three boring hours of The Godfather the other night, i’ve decided we’re watching Dirty Dancing tonight.” i tell him. he throws his head back, letting out a groan.

“again?” he whines. “i swear that one stupid song plays on a loop in my head at this point.”

“better get used to it because in a few months, you’ll be hearing a lot more of it. i love that movie.” i feign an innocent smile at him. he smiles at the reminder that i’ll be moving in soon enough, and pulls me into his side.

“i wish we could live together already.” he mumbles, his lips pressed against my temple.

“i know, me too. but only two more months.” i remind him, pressing play on the movie. i spend the entire film humming along to the songs, mouthing along to the iconic lines, and glancing over at Jack’s reactions during my favorite scenes, as if we haven’t watched this movie a hundred times before. when it ends, Jack and i decide to go to bed, my eyes drooping with exhaustion.

after brushing my teeth and changing into my pajamas, i curl up next to Jack, snuggling into his side.

“goodnight, love you.” i tell him.

“love you, sweet girl.”

**

i wake up to the sound of knocking echoing through the house. my face scrunching in confusion, i look over at Jack, who lays still peacefully sleeping. i sigh, sliding out of bed and padding out of the room, towards the front door. glancing at the clock on the microwave as i pass the kitchen, it reads 5:45.

dear lord, who the hell is here at this ungodly hour?

i stop at the front door, peeking through the peephole and heaving out a deep sigh at the sight in front of me. i unlock the door, swinging it open and turning around to walk away as my boyfriend’s best friend follows me.

“finally! jesus, what took so long?!” he exclaims, shutting the door again behind him. i turn to glare at him.

“it’s five forty five in the morning, Trevor. some of us are sleeping!” i hiss.

“in my defense, i didn’t know you were here.” he puts his hands up in surrender, faking innocence. i roll my eyes and make my way back to Jack’s bedroom, Trevor hot on my trail.

slipping back into bed, i look over at my sweet, sleeping boyfriend and let a soft smile overtake my face, admiring him for a moment. just before using all my strength to push him out of the bed. he groans as his body hits the floor, mumbling out curses.

“what the hell, y/n/n?” he questions, sleep still evident in his voice.

“your other woman is here.” i inform him, laying back down and pulling the covers back over me.

“what?” he asks, still laying on the floor. “what the hell are you talking about? ‘other woman’?”

“about 6 foot, shaggy golden brown hair, loves taylor swift.” he sits up at my words.

“Z?!” he exclaims. he scans the room until he locks eyes with Trevor, and immediately rises to his feet, rounding the bed to hug his best friend.

“the hell you doing here, man?!” his voice is way too loud for how early it is and i groan.

“it’s bye-week, man! and with neither of us being in the All-Star this year, i figured i would surprise you! i checked with y/n to make sure you guys weren’t going on any trips.” Trevor tells him.

“don’t blame this on me.” i grumble. “if i had known you’d be showing up at this hour, i would’ve told you to meet us in Cancun.”

“but, we’re not going to Cancun?” Jack says, furrowing his brows.

“exactly.” i respond. the boys chuckle and begin to loudly discuss all the things they want to do this week, and i officially give up on sleeping any more. i groan, when helping Trevor with this surprise, i didn’t think about the fact that i’d have to deal with them together. “i’m too sober for this.”

“you don’t even drink.” Jack looks over at me, laughing.

“maybe i should start.” i slip back out of the bed, making my way back out to the kitchen, and the two boys follow behind me, still talking amongst themselves. i immediately step over to the freezer, pulling out a random bottle of alcohol that Jack has leftover from Quinn’s last visit, when they forewent going to a club to rather stay here and chill. Jack steps in front of me, taking the bottle from my grasp and putting it back in the freezer.

“okay, no. it's six o'clock in the morning, you're not having vodka.” he tells me, leaning down to press a kiss on my forehead.

“i guess coffee will have to do.” i sigh, turning towards the counter and popping a new pod in the nespresso machine. Jack sets my milk and caramel flavored syrup down on the countertop beside me and hugs me from behind.

“thank you, baby.” he whispers, his lips ghosting the shell of my ear. i shiver from the feeling of his breath fanning across my neck.

“yeah, you’re welcome.” i mumble. “just promise me you guys won’t wake me up this early every day he’s here.”

“i wouldn’t dream of it. i know my girl loves her sleep.” he tells me.

“good.” i turn in his arms, wrapping my own around his neck and pulling him down for a sweet kiss.

“oh gross, guys! innocent eyes are present!” i turn to Trevor, giving him a blank stare.

“you are the least innocent person i know.”

-

[persephone11110]

Self Control

Jake Seresin x Reader

Three times you should’ve stopped fucking Jake Seresin, and one time you finally did.

tw:one night stands, insecure reader, KINDA DARK, mentions of sex throughout—DUBIOUS CONSENT fic,Dead Iceman->reader is grieving and doesn’t how to process her emotions properly, asshloe J.S->cheater Jake, they both need fucking therapy!!,—jake abusive childhood Jake chokes reader->bruises, happy ending, the two kazansky children seen in the movie are cannoned just gave them names(Xander,Ana Kazansky),self-slutshaming, reader calls herself whore 2-3x, mavdad—feminist icon

WC : 2.7k

AN: I really can’t tell you how this fic was born tbh, but enjoy❤️, title from Self Control- Frank Ocean

—

THIS FIC MENTIONS SEX ALOT, I PUT DUBIOUS CONSENT BCUS READER & JAKE ARE NOT IN RIGHT STAND OF MIND, PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!

1. his bedroom

You’ve been thinking to yourself lately,everynight you lie in bed in wondering if you should be tired of doing this?, giving a piece of yourself to Jake Seresin three times a week.

You wondered if the man even cared enough to get to know you, after all you’ve been acting as his bed warmer for the past three months.

But that just it, you were warned of how this would work, you both agreed to emotionless sex— being each other’s fuckbuddies when work got to much to emotionally handle.

As it seemed neither of you had the mental capacity to have a healthy coping mechanism. You sat on your floor infront of a mirror trying to cover up a neck bruise, Jake had a nightmare again—the same one as usual, Instead Jacob Sr was the one doing the choking.

“Jake, Jake!” your throat was closing, Jake hand around throat was tightening—his fingers digging deep into your skin Again. You were begging for him to release you. You stared into his green forest like eyes—their so fucking beautiful.

At first he doesn’t acknowledge your pleading tone, Jakes most likely still stuck in nightmare from hell “Jake please let go”. Your voice was dry now, tears sprung from your eyes as it did his.

A loud thump happened as your body rolled of the bed to the floor. You heard heavy breathing which normally signaled Jake had finally woken up . He banged his head against the headboard loudly. Jake utters a small—“I’m sorry”before leaving you alone in the room to gather himself.

You sat on the floor like fucking obedient dog waiting for Jake to come back and tell you what do next. While you sit there in silence apart of you wonders were the strong Y/n“Killerfrost” Kazansky went, the woman who didnt break a sweat while looking death in the face. The woman who flew more colder than Iceman more crazier than Maverick. What happened?

Death happened,cancer stripped your dad of his life. Sitting at his beside watching him struggle take his last breath, shushing him he because he was pushing himself to use his voice.

Going on base and listening to the Admiral Simpson go over on the speaker and tell the base that Admiral Kazansky—your dad drew his last breathe. Which led you to Jake Seresin bed.

Younger you would be so disappointed in you right now. Younger Y/n Kazansky would rather die before laying down with man who’s ruining their mental health. If someone told you ten years down line you would be fucking one of the worst men as an emotional outlet. You would’ve laughed in their face repeatedly till you passed out from lack of oxygen.

“Tom Kazansky would be so disgusted with his daughter”, a thought lingered around your mind, “Dad wouldnt even want to be in the same room as you”.

You picked yourself off the floor as you heard Jake’s footsteps getting closer. Your legs were bouncy as anxiety was coursing through your veins—flying never did make you feel this, but leave it to Jake‘Hangman’Seresin to.

Jake voice was low and rough,“See you next week”. Before you could say something to the man, he already had his back turned walking away from you.

Your cheeks flush with embarrassment,“How am I falling for a man who doesn’t love me and never will?”. You continue to slip your clothes back on as you toss the thought around in your head, careful of your sore skin. “You should be ashamed of yourself Y/n Kazansky, you were not raised be a whore who re adjust their clothes as a John throws a fucking dollar at them., You were raised with dignity”.

Whore. Y/n Kazansky callsign should be Jake Seresin whore.

Your pressed your head into the shower wall, allowing the hot pressed water to soothe your aching muscles.“I’m so sorry daddy”.

—

2. Family Dinner

You kept tugging at the hem of your turtle neck, it was to hot to be wearing this damn thing in the first place. But last thing you wanted to was to worry your siblings as they had just lost their father. That last thing they needed was their weak sister falling apart at the seams, as if they weren’t either.

Two times a month your siblings held saturday dinner. The idea was to keep up with eachother.

Guess who’s been missing family dinner to fuck Jake Seresin?, the answer is Y/n Kazansky.

You stood on Ana porch quietly, wondering if you should even go in, not wanting the catch the end of your short-tempered sister.

“You plan on standing there till hell freeezes over?”, a voice pulls your from your thoughts, Xander Kazansky was standing behind you with pie in his hands. “Come on sis, Ana been waiting to see you”. He smiled, softly pulling on your wrist to get you into the door. You mirror his smile, forgetting all about last night. You closed the door behind you.

“Hey kid”, you stand there waiting for him to put the pie down before you pull him into a tight hug. Your ruffling his hair, with one hand.

“I have you know Y/n I can legally drink alcohol”. Xander pouts like little kid.

“Y/n didn’t wait until she was twenty one drink”. Ana tone of voice was sour as she gestured the both of you to sit down.

“Ana I—“ Your cut off by her harsh words.

“Y/n the longer you spew bullshit at me the longer its takes to bless the food”. Ana states before bowing her head and closing her eyes.

You and Xander make eye contact before joining her.

“So us non-aviators aren’t good enough for you anymore?” Ana asked you in calm tone, yet you could hear how angry she truly was.

Xander was to busy scraping at his dinner plate, shoving food in his mouth—not wanting to be caught in the middle of his sister’s argument.

You bite at the inside of your cheek unsure of what to say back. Can’t say the truth because then Ana will really flip out if she finds what her little sister been doing lately.

You glanced at your plate again thinking up lie to tell her. “I’ve been busy Ana, since the mission the dagger squad have become a permanent squadron”. Your telling the truth but the full truth.

You pray Ana takes the bone you threw at her and leaves it alone. Ana gave you a dirty look before picking at her broccoli and shoving it in her mouth. Thank god neither of your parents were here as they would’ve picked up on ticks, the picking at your nails, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Sweetheart you can tell us whats going on you know that right”, your dad would say while nudging your shoulder, “Your off the clock, you can retire Killerfrost till your up in the air”.

You thought Ana had let it go as she stopped acknowledging you, and was only talking to Xander. "I hope that whatever you been doing was worth it Y/n, you haven’t even seen mom in goddamn month”.

“Ana” Xander sighed, he was getting tired of his sister remarks, you didn’t wanna defend yourself anymore, not that you even tried to.

You bowed your head in shame, no longer wanting to make eye contact with either sibling.

“What Xander?”, Ana raised her voice,”It’s the same fucking thing dad would’ve say to her too,I’m getting tired of her acting as if she’s the only one who lost a dad, like mom didn’t lose apart of her”.

You could feel the tears attempting to escape from your eyes. You placed the silverware back in its place, you stood from the dinner table. Casting a look between the both of them—“I’m sorry Ana, Xander” before you walked out of her house with tears rushing down your face.

Your sitting at a gas station thinking about everything, you really were acting selfish.

Maybe fucking Jake Seresin was a bad idea?

You picked up your phone, eyeing the text message. “I can’t sleep Y/n, come over if your aren’t busy”.

And just like that, Jake was telling you to come over it’s like he knew when it was a bad time for you. How dare you say no to him?

You put the key back in the ignition and start to slowly pull out of the parking lot.

Your on the back road, the shortest way to get to his house.

3. All I Could Was Cry

She was standing there with my man.

I heard them promise death do us apart.

A woman who looked like Marilyn Monroe was her descendant hung off of Jakes arm, she wrapped her hand around his bicep. They both shared a smile with one another, “I’m busy tonight Y/n“, he texted you this morning.

They were pushing eachother into the water- her screams of joy as Jake playfully her slammed into the water. She leaned into to him pushing her tongue down his throat.

I was losing the man I loved.

“Falling in love with a man like that is dangerous game Y/n” A familiar voice interrupts your self pity. Uncle Maverick is standing behind you with two beers in his hands and small smile. “Scoot over kiddo” Your sitting on cold sand, pretending to be okay with the scene infront of you.

And all I could do was cry.

“Uncle Mav if your here to give me I’m so disappointed in you speech, I’ve already gave myself one more than once I-“. He gently cuts you off when he pulls you into a tight, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

“Your mom been worried about you, so has your siblings , me and the daggers”. His voice is laced with worry, you hated making people worry about you. “Your flying been…crazy these past couple of months”. Maverick struggles to find more words to say, unsure if he does it might push into Jakes arms.

He was right you been flying like your ass was on fire, and if you’ve been pulling maneuvers even he wouldn’t dare to.

“Ana Kazansky is worried about me?”, Your eyes widen at that,“It didn’t seem like that a couple nights ago when she was going for my head”.

“Ana is like your father, arguing with them is like sitting on the stand defending yourself against a criminal charge”. Uncle Maverick explains with a soft tone, “I would know after pissing your dad off for over thirty years”. You swear he blinks away a few tears before continuing.

“I have everything under control, yes I like Seresin and I understand he doesn’t want me”. You feel indifferent as the lie rolls off your tongue through your mouth. “I’m Killerfrost Kazansky who doesn’t allow her emotions to get the best of her”. Your eyes shift away as you attempt to not hold eye contact with him.

“The same bullshit your father tried to pull with me years ago, your Y/n Kazansky the woman who just her father, the woman who misses her father dearly the man who showed you how to spell your name, the man who managed to get out of deployment early to drop you off for the first day kindergarten”.

Tears pricked at your eyes,“I didn’t think about it that way,maybe i’ve been to hard on myself?”. Your voice cracks with emotion. “As much I hate to say it— It feels nice to be ‘wanted’ by someone, Mav”.

“Kid, I was that man thirty some odds years ago when Goose died, I had sex with any woman who looked my way and said yes”. Maverick pulled away from you, gently wiping away your tears. “It’s going to hurt kiddo for awhile, but I promise you its gets better, the last thing Ice would want is for his daughter to lose herself, to allow a man to tell her how worthy she is”. He presses a kiss into the side of your head“It’s okay to feel emotions Y/n Kazansky”, he said low enough for only your ears.

After leaving you alone with your thoughts, your phone blinks as a notification pops up.

“Y/n I need you over tonight”. Your walking back to the car, hand on the car handle. “10 is good”. Your driving past his house, your driving to your apartment.

4. Happier Again (3months later)

He’s in standing your doorway with roses in his hand, and red wine in the other. When you heard knocking on the door you expected Ana because it almost time for movie night or Harvard because he’s sucks at cooking and needs help. But not him—Jake Seresin was standing in your doorway looking apologetic.

The new you wants to slam the door in his face, forcing him to catch a hint that the nights you spent in his bed were over. Deciding against your gut you decide to allow him in, for what you’ll never know—maybe he’s here to offer a peace offering.

You still had to work with him still— the dagger squadron is permanent till Cyclone and Cain think otherwise.

Jake goes to open his mouth but nothing leaves it, which is a first. The great Hangman is left clueless not a insult dripping with anger and sarcastic comment in sight.

“Come in Jake” He cocks his head to the side unsure if he really should.“If you want stand outside and look stupid thats fine by me”. You turn on your heel,but before you get far he grabs you by wrist, pulling you into a kiss.

The roses, the wine—he loves me, Jake“Hangman” Seresin finally loves me. You feel the old you try to blossom like a dead flower, attempting to sprout back to life.

“Stop!”You shoved at his chest he falls back alittle. “No, I’m not doing this again with you Jake”. Your cheeks are starting to get red,“What about that woman from the hard deck?”.

His lips slip into a tight smile“She and I are going through a rough patch right now”. Jake steps into your apartment, “Y/n its nothing to worry about she wouldn’t know”.

You shake your head at him,“You haven’t changed?”.

“Oh come on darlin it’ll be like old times”, He stands tall, his hangman smile is fully on display.

You scoff, doesn’t he understand what I just said?

“Jake you have a girlfriend, its make you a cheater!” You jabbed a finger into his chest. “Your cheating on your girlfriend”. He doesn’t give a shit.

“And your such a fucking angel darlin, we fucked for how long Y/n?”. His voice is harsh, anger bubbling—getting ready to explode like a volcano. “Were’s ya fucking halo at?”.

“I didn’t know” you yell back at him—standing your ground. The one bad thing you inherited from your dad was his temper, when your button been pushed for too long.“You must fell from heaven when your father casted you out, huh?”. A low blow that was uncalled for, but he’s taking it there.

“I need you darlin, I need to fuck you!”. he screams, your pretty sure you and Jake are one second close to having the cops called for a domestic disturbance.

“You and I need therapy Jake”, your voice returning to a calm tone.“Fucking you was worst shit i’ve ever done, I’ve been using you as a tool”. You step back from him.“Jake you can’t honestly tell me we aren’t ‘broken’ a little bit, sane humans don’t do this shit”.

Jakes eyes were squeezed closed, your cupped his jaw with your hands.“It’s okay not be okay, but its not okay to be doing this”. You sighed,“As much as I want to, its not healthy Jake”.

Jake opened his eyes, tears were rolling down his face. “I’m so sorry Y/n I just needed a break, I needed a break from being Hangman”.

“A smart guy told me once your no longer in the air, there’s no need to fake who you are”. Your eyes are beginning to become teary, “We need help Jake”.

“Your right Y/n” His eyes were still wet.

“Go back your place and try to figure out what went wrong with you and her”. You gently told him. “Work buddies?”. You had hope in your voice, you put your hand out.

A wet laugh fell from his mouth,“Work buddies”. He shakes it.

[legionofpotatoes]

All other criticisms of modern Star Wars aside, the thing that gets me the most is how every single story is being written to fit into some Avengers-level grand finale that just isn't laying a solid enough foundation to make it worth the wait. Regardless of whether the individual stories are good or bad, what makes them fall so short, imo, is that there's usually no real payoff within their own runtimes (unless you count cheap callbacks or loose promises of More, which you shouldn't)

Like, I already knew halfway through Ahsoka that we were in for a cliffhanger and it's just like...alright, guess we'll see how this ends in about 5 years? Even Mando, which had a great first season and was poised to stand on its own two feet and ride off on a rootin' tootin' bounty huntin' adventure, has ultimately become yet another dusty path on the road to the current Big Plot with an indeterminate due date. That's not deliciously addictive media, it's a dry-ass carrot on a spindly little stick, lol

Of course, this is a problem that many franchises are happily getting cozy with lately because everybody wants to have their own Infinity War / Endgame moment, but I guess it seems a bit more egregious with Star Wars because, ironically, it used to work best because it had less overall focus. Like, sure, we had concurrent movies, animated series, and games, but they were always happy to do their own things and tell their own stories with definitive conclusions. Now it all has to funnel into the Big New Plot and, man, I honestly just can't bring myself to care when it feels like an endless waiting game

I definitely need to get around to watching Visions at some point because, every time it pops up, it sounds like the lifeblood that Star Wars sorely needs atm

Yeah the setup-and-payoff a-to-b type dramatic clarity that seemed so entrenched into the very bones of cinematic grammar - up to around the emergence of streaming, wink wink nudge nudge - is sorely missed in star wars atm. sure maybe downsized writers rooms fidgeting with limited series formats instead of doing actual seasonal TV has something to do with it, but even that is probably such a small piece of the larger issue that spins all this longform storytelling bullshit ferry wheel around.

Another part is certainly chasing the MCU business model of it all like you said. Carrot on a stick is verbatim how I've often described these things myself, the endless promise of another promise of another promise instead of forming a complete thought with a beginning and an end. servicing the plot before story at all costs. another part still is reverence towards the aesthetic trappings of the source material instead of its themes, trying to nail the exact texture of tatooine's huts and dial in the perfect balance of lightsaber choreography and pay homage to a thousand iconic shots before articulating something true in the text.

And like it's an endless laundry list, this confluence of capital-I Issues both industry-scale and creatively-driven that seem to be flaying the skin off the bones of whatever star wars even "is" nowadays. no one can answer that in the context of billions of dollars made off toys and storylines centering around this one moment in fictional history about sons and fathers and empires and rebellions. so they just keep twisting in the wind filling in any gaps within that period. I don't know nonnie, it's all so bleak. ahsoka and obi wan and even mando tbh. as charming as season 1 was, it truly felt like it coasted on its incredible restraint to avoid muddying its aesthetic with cameos, and lucked into effective storytelling as a result of that utterly unintentional alchemy. that's obviously well and truly gone now as its true optics have reared head.

what star wars is by itself is such a pointless discussion, right? andor argues it's a perfectly functional heightened universe that can support incredibly nuanced and dramatically charged stories of grassroots rebellion and the bureaucratic strain of fascist regimes. visions argues it's a world beholden to the force, an endlessly mutable and elegant metaphor that can support infinite monomyths and fairy tales. both are equally fantastic at executing on their takes, despite being in diametrically opposite extremes of interpreting the source. so it's not really about that at all, why the other stuff sucks this bad.

they're just bad at the craft of it, that's really it. whether it's auteur worship or business decisions rotting that fish down, it still rots all the same. maybe the new writers' guild contracts can shift the winds a little, because I was so securely done with star wars and then the aforementioned 2 shows came and affected me. so, so profoundly that I'm back on the hook again. like a lil sucker!

[helleboretks]

Kids Will Be Kids

This is a Sokouku Tickle Fic! With Lee!Chuuya, Ler!Dazai! If this isn’t your forte, no need to read!

Summary: Chuuya wants to get to their next mission, Dazai wants to satisfy his (both their) curiosity. We all know who gets what he wants anyway.

Dazai may be scary to a lot of people, but never truly to Chuuya.

It was odd to him at first, why everyone around him was so frightened by a literal child, only just reaching the fifteen mark in his years. If anything, to Chuuya he was…weird. Kind of a ridiculous weird, kind of a concerning weird. One of the most important emotions he seems to take pride in tends to be something close to listlessness.

He could be incredibly lazy if he wanted to, laying around and spacing out without a care in the world, and yet everyone would still steer clear of him if he was at least in the vicinity, or within earshot.

Chuuya did not exactly like what that implied.

But, no matter what Dazai did, whether it was shooting a corpse into the ground simply because what he gave them, the release of death, was something they ‘didn’t even deserve’, or using that master brain of his to create such elaborate and twisted plans, forcing Chuuya to go along with them whether he knew about it or not (and most often times, it’s the latter), Chuuya himself couldn’t always see why Dazai was so feared.

He was just…stupid.

Like right now.

Chuuya was staring Dazai down, whose face was covered with that iconic Suicide Handbook he somehow always seems to have on his person, sprawled out on the couch of one of the many lounges. He would have looked dead, had it not been for the soft rise and fall of his chest. He was asleep.

Fact still stands, this was Dazai. The kid who barely acts like a kid, something he’s only seen at least two or so times before. He can’t even be completely sure if the other is asleep, he’s very convincing in the ways of deceit after all.

“Oi, Dazai.” Chuuya huffed, hands stuffed in his pockets as he deadpanned. “We’ve got a mission in two hours, get the fuck up already.” He pressed a foot lightly into his partner’s side, not actually having any reason to kick him yet. The inevitable ‘yet’ makes him hold back an exasperated groan of annoyance already.

The other didn’t respond, still deep in (feigning?) exhaustion as light snores hummed from him. Chuuya let out a short growl, pressing a bit harder against his side, shaking the taller as well. “Dazai. Shitty mackerel, I said, get the fuck up!” He spoke a little harsher. And still, nothing, the idiot refused to move.

He huffed, glancing around the empty room. He really didn’t feel like getting into a fight today, if anything, he just wants this done and over with so they could move on and get to the mission. He sat down on the ledge of the couch, the only other place Dazai’s tall frame wasn’t covering, crossing one leg over the other. “Dazai.” He grumbled. “Mackerel, Shitty Dazai, Vagabond, Waste o’ Bandages.”

Not a single one of them got him to respond. Rolling his eyes, Chuuya reaches for Dazai’s book, peeling it off his face. He tried to resist the urge to take a peak at its contents, but ultimately failed, glancing at it for a few moments. Just as freakish as he thought it would be.

But when he finally takes a look at Dazai’s face, he can’t say the same for the boy.

Face scrunched, eyebrows in a tight crease, and a visible frown on (rather delicate) features, he didn’t look at peace, and yet he was still snoring away, mouth slipped open the smallest bit. He was in discomfort, clear as day for anyone to see. Was that why he had the book covering his face? He predicted even his own discomfort, and hid it from the world before it was even in progress of appearing?

Well, that was Dazai. Even many steps ahead of himself. And he knew nobody would disturb him either, with the status of Demon Prodigy, truly a genius of his own being, as much as Chuuya hates to admit it.

So maybe he felt a little pissed that Dazai probably thought it applied to him too.

Chuuya tapped the boy’s face twice, just to ensure that he’s actually asleep and not faking it. And sure enough, not even a twitch came over him. He didn’t exactly like the idea of having to wake up Dazai, but the sooner it’s done the better.

(That was a lie, the face of contorted distraught on Dazai didn’t fit him at all, it was unnerving and, dare he say it but, it worried him…)

He didn’t really think much of how he’d go about waking up Dazai, simply grabbing at his side and squeezing it rapidly, deeming that the safest way to go about it. “Oi, Dazai, get up-” Chuuya hummed, only to stop mid sentence when he heard a slight noise, stopping in his movements.

Was that what he thought it was? It couldn’t have been, it was probably just a little exhale from the touch Dazai’s brain was processing as a response. So hesitantly, he continued squeezing at his side, now letting his other hand join in the fray on the other side.

It didn’t take long for Dazai to start squirming in his sleep, arms curling closer to his chest as Chuuya gazed up at his face, looking for a sign of consciousness. Instead, he saw something different, so different in fact, that his own brain (and heart) seemed to stutter at what he was looking at.

Dazai’s face was growing pink, eyebrows twitching and sleepy exhales getting breathier, hitching a few times as his lips wobbled into something akin to a smile. Chuuya, curious to this odd kind of behavior, started speeding up his touches, almost fascinated by the other’s odd reactions.

He swore the other boy gasped, before sleepy giggles fell from his lips, trembling in place as his squirming became more erratic. Why was he giggling? Was it because of what Chuuya was doing? Was he just susceptible to odd kinds of touch? Was Chuuya’s touch even odd?

In his thoughts, he let his hands wander down to Dazai’s hips, experimentative. However, he jolted harshly when Dazai squealed (he fucking squealed!) loud, awake within an instant and sitting upright.

“Chuuya!” Dazai yelped, batting the other’s hands away. But nope, Chuuya was in his own world, eyes wide and practically sparkling in fascination. He’s never seen a person react like that to touch before, eyes flitting between his hands and Dazai’s face, who was very visibly pouting.

“That’s so mean, Chibi!” Dazai pouted, wiping away the sleep from his eyes as he held back a yawn. “I’m ticklish, idiot.” Chuuya blinked owlishly at that, gradually tilting his head to the side.

What??

“What’s that?” He asked blankly, and now it was Dazai’s turn to blink at him, for once seeming a bit stunned. “You don’t- you don’t know what that is?” Chuuya deadpanned at the Prodigy for that one. “Oh, of course I’d know whatever the fuck that is within the eight years I’ve been alive.” He spat with all the sarcasm he could muster.

Dazai huffed out a laugh, rolling his one visible eye as he scooted back, allowing Chuuya to sit on the couch more comfortably. “What is it?” Chuuya asked, moving closer to Dazai, who promptly ignored his question. “Dazai, what is it? What the fuck is it? Tell me, God damnit!”

The other, at first seemed keen on ignoring him, huffing as he searched for his little Suicide Book. But then he perked up, and Chuuya instantly recognized a certain glint in his eyes.

Maybe…maybe this was a mistake-

“If I show you, will you stop asking, chibikko?” Chuuya blanked for a moment, staring at the other in confusion. Show him? He doesn’t even know what it is, why would Dazai think he’d trust him with that? They even had a mission in like, two hours! He can’t just waste his time doing something to satisfy his curiosity.

“...fine, but make it quick. We got places to be, dumbass.”

But of fucking course, he was too curious for his own good sometimes.

“Great! Thanks for being sooo much more compliant today, Chuuya!” The other growled at him, but stupidly continued to comply when Dazai coaxed him onto his back, albeit hesitantly. “Just so you know, I don’t fucking trust you.” Chuuya scowled, to which Dazai just rolled his eyes, flexing his fingers together.

“Obvious enough, really.” Came Dazai’s reply, only for Chuuya to yelp as Dazai-that stupid lanky mackerel- decided to sit his stupid butt on the other’s thighs. So of course, Chuuya freaked for a second.

“OiOiOi! If this is some stupid sexual thing I swear to GOD-” Dazai shushed him with a hand over his mouth, a pouty look on his face. “Oh hush Chibi! This is essential so I won’t have you kicking me in the face! I don’t want any unnecessary bruises right now.”

…Excuse?

“What the fuck?” He spoke, muffled by Dazai’s hand for a moment before it was removed. “Yes, yes, you’ll understand in a minute, with your little doggy pea brain.” Chuuya tsked, turning his head to the side.

“Now,” Dazai said, a sudden undertone in his voice that had Chuuya snapping back to look at him. But suddenly, skinny fingers found themselves clinging to Chuuya’s sides, and holy shit the spark that followed made him jolt.

“Prepare to be amazed, hatrack.”

And then those fingers started moving.

SWEET FUCK-

Chuuya choked out a strangled noise, and as if he’d been electrocuted by Zeus’ lightning, he began squirming just as Dazai predicted, a feverishly bad urge to laugh taking over his insides. “W-whahahat the fahahack!?” He sputtered, his arms clamping down around his sides as he twisted from side to side.

“I knew it! You are ticklish! You certainly looked so to me.” Dazai spoke triumphantly, skittering scuttle-y fingers all over Chuuya’s sides. The feeling was shocking and unfamiliar, sending horribly tingly sensations to scatter just under his skin, and Chuuya threw his head back.

Now what the fuck were Dazai’s fingers so fast for!? Where the hell did this energy come from, and why in God’s damn name is Chuuya laughing??

The boy tried desperately to clamp his mouth shut, but with all his non-existent experience with something like this, the attempt failed horribly, and he kept laughing, struggling under Dazai’s ministrations.

He could hardly get his arms to stay anywhere but his sides! Each time he tried to move them, Dazai would pinch just somewhere higher and they’d slam back down with vigor. The wobbly smile on Chuuya’s face wasn’t deliberate either, and it was almost embarrassing how wide it was.

Was this what it was? Being ticklish??

Suddenly, he didn’t like the word anymore.

“Chibi’s ticklish! Aaaaw, tickle, tickle, tickle, Chibi-chuu!” Chuuya practically squealed at such nonsensical teasing. It was different from what Dazai’d usually do, so baby-ish and cruel.

“Wahahahahait, Oh my Gohohohod, Dazai!” Chuuya exclaimed through the rapid laughter that forced itself out of his lungs, only to practically squeal when Dazai found his ribs, digging into the inbetweens and leaving him desperately attempting to kick him off.

Which would have worked, normally, if he wasn’t feeling so sapped of energy laying helplessly beneath the lanky asshole. Chuuya guffawed when Dazai’s blunt nails dug into his skin, only two layers of clothes separating bare physical contact, yet they did practically nothing to save his ass.

Chuuya bucked rapidly, and Dazai laughed as he was jostled from where he sat, as if mocking him for acting like a wild bull seeing a red flag. But Chuuya just couldn’t stop, shaking his head as his nose scrunched and his cheeks got hotter, blushing from the extreme exertion he certainly wasn’t prepared for.

Dazai, however, seemed to want to be even more of an embarrassing fish, removing one hand from Chuuya’s ribs and searching for his tie, a grin of pure hilarity on his face.

“It’s gettin’ hot in here, so take off all your clothes~!” He cruelly sang, slipping his tie off with ease as Chuuya’s ears flushed red. What was he even thinking!?

It came to him all too late when Dazai grabbed at his wrists.

He could hardly protest through his laughter, Dazai’s one hand skillful enough to keep him giggling his breath away, unable to wrap his lips around coherent words as his other hand worked to tie his wrist together, right above his head, and tied to arm of the couch, the couch arm which had the same design as a fucking chair.

Fuck furniture designs!

“Nahahahaha!! Dazahahahahai, I’ll k-kihihill you!” Chuuya shrieked, trying fruitlessly at tugging the fabric, which didn’t even budge because of course Dazai had to be good at one-handing tight knots.

“But Chibi! You can’t even touch me at this point. If anything, I’m the one touchy touching youuu~!” If Chuuya had any remaining dignity in him, it was probably gone at that moment.

Oh, also the fact that Dazai ducked his hands under his shirt.

Fuck-

Chuuya practically screamed curses, body vibrating as he choked on screeching laughter, squirming amped up by the ten powers.

“Ohohoho? Someone’s got a ticklish tummy? Aaw, how adorable! Grabbin’ that little tum tum o’ yours, my little doggy~!”

Oh this was humiliating, oh why the hell was he laughing more at those stupid, embarrassing words!?!? Nope nope nope, pride gone, he’s lost everything, this is it for him.

“PLEAHAHAHAHA!! NAHAHAHAHAHA, I CAAAHAHAHAN’T-” Dazai just seemed even more spurred on by Chuuya’s screams-turned-pleas, making stupid kissy noises that one would to a dog. “C’mon puppy! I thought dogs loved tummy rubs?”

He doesn’t wanna know anymore! He knows enough now! Holy shit it’s so much!?

“IHIHIT’S SO BAHAHAD!!! I DOHOHOHON’T WANNA KNOHOW ANYMOHOHOHORE!!!” Dazai laughed at that, his grin of playful maliciousness sending an arrow straight through his heart, the sparkling in his eyes as he watched Chuuya turn to a laughing, begging mess underneath had the smaller shivering, blushing so deeply for a whole other reason.

Dazai’s full attention was on him, poking and pinching and prodding the places that had Chuuya screaming, dipping his finger so indecently into his belly button that caused an embarrassingly high snort to break loose, sweet lips smiling with such cruelty in them.

It made Chuuya’s heart beat at rabbiting speeds, seeing that much genuine emotion.

“Ohohoho, I’m gonna tickle you until you cry, Chibi~!”

Oh God. Oh no. This was the end of him. He wasn’t getting out of this alive-

Chuuya’s head flung so far back he feared he might break his neck, his face hurt just from smiling so much, for so long. Yet the poor teen could do nothing more than take what he had coming for him. He made his own bed, now he has to lay in it.

Because now Dazai was after his tummy and his waist. And that was just too cruel.

The tears came quicker than either of them thought, not that Chuuya even knew he could cry from this, but here he was, tears streaming down his face this way and that because he just couldn’t stop shaking his head.

But oddly enough, no matter how embarrassing this is, Chuuya never truly begged for him to stop. He didn’t even know what he was begging for, repeating mantras of Not there! and Please no! and more and more and more.

And Dazai just seemed to be having too much fun with the advantage he has over Chuuya, even going as far as to nuzzle his face into Chuuya’s neck, and that fluffy brown hair that didn’t usually affect him just seemed so ticklish now.

After that though, Dazai seemed to finally find Chuuya’s limit.

As Chuuya had found it too.

His laughter fell silent after a while, only the remaining snorts and sharp breaths indicating that he was still laughing up a gut. Dazai finally slowed down his touches, much to Chuuya undying relief once he pulled away.

The boy gasped for air desperately, coughing a bit as Dazai giggled at him, seeming wholly satisfied.

“Gosh! That’s quite the stress reliever, don’t you think, Chibi?” Chuuya couldn’t even retort to that, mind feeling floaty as he greedily consumed the air his lungs could give him. Dazai slid off his thighs, and the other curled up into as much of a ball as he could, with the tie still secure around his wrists.

From face to chest, he was flushed an embarrassing red, closing his eyes as the tears began to slow down, still stubbornly clinging to his cheeks and face as he felt the fabric being shuffled about.

Once it fell gracelessly from his wrists, he brought them quickly down to his body, something in him instinctively rubbing at the still electrifying tingly parts where Dazai’s stupid fishy hands got to him, beginning to numb those unforgiving sensations from his skin.

Thank God it’s over! He actually thought he might die there…

“Goodness, Chuuya! You look so worn out! What happened, we haven’t even gone on that mission yet?”

The absolutely appalled expression that framed Chuuya’s face as he stared back at Dazai had the other cracking a smile.

“What? What’s wrong? Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong, huh? C’mon chibi, you can tell your reliable partner! I promise I won’t tickle you again-” The boy says, as he reaches to tickle him again.

Safe to say, Chuuya stayed on the ceiling that day.

[senkusphone]

@aresagainstthemachine asked so this one is for you. Video of it working at the end.

Here's the one project I am so proud of I named my entire blog after it.

Back in 2020, while I was stuck at home with few pleasant things to do, I decided to bring this contraption to life.

Only recently had I gotten into this inspiring series called Dr. Stone, and when I saw them make this device in the anime, I knew it was my divine calling to build it, for I had prior experience building circuits with vacuum tubes, an interest that was fostered greatly by my late grandfather when I was a boy. It had been because of the stories he'd tell me that I built my first crystal radio back then (which took me about 4 years of trial and error). Now, people had ''built'' the phone on youtube at least once before, but I was not satisfied with what they did, when they used parts that were too advanced and didn't even get it to transmit a voice, only to pick up radio stations. So I tried to go beyond while being as accurate as possible to the level of technology they had, I was seeking to achieve more with less

Making something that picks a radio signal is relatively easy, the challenge was making it also produce its own signal so it could truly be used as a phone (or more accurately, like a walkie talkie), and I restricted myself to use the most primitive tubes I had, the ones most similar to what old Kaseki would have made.

(Happy birthday to Kaseki by the way, February 9th) I started out using this beautiful Western Electric 262-A tube. This general purpose triode was developed around 1928 by the Bell Telephone company and one of the things it was known to be used for, was in cinema projectors to amplify the sound from the early talkie films. I think that's interesting enough to mention.

It wasn't long until my experiments showed great promise, eventually I moved on to a type 45 vacuum tube, another triode which is more powerful as a transmitter than the 262-A yet its construction is much more primitive. This tube is very similar to what Senku & Co. would've had.

I started building the definitive device, simultaneously laying a plan to combine a transmitter and receiver in the same unit using just one tube, a task that required this one part to perform four different duties (because I hadn't read the manga, and I didn't know the final unit they dispatched used two tubes instead of just one). On new year's eve at the end of 2020, the circuit was broadcasting One Small Step by Lillian Weinberg, loud and clear to a radio across the room.

You can get a recording of that in the link below as Tumblr won't let me upload it (yes I am using discord to host files, it also works for hosting images for your fanfics on Ao3, you're welcome).

The wooden circuit board was wired with homemade wires, made by cutting a sheet of copper into strips, and wrapping them in cotton and thread. A relay is used to switch the phone from receiver mode to transmitter mode with the push of a button.

Then the coils were calculated and wound, including the iconic large transmit coil

but would this coil that was made to look like the one in the series, be suitable to repeat what I had achieved in my experiments, would it resonate and produce the signal?

yes

I intended originally to have this project done before season 2 of Dr. Stone started, and put out a youtube video, but that ended up not happening. Still, the unit finally came together, and the plastic housing was a tupper with the rim cut off, painted orange and applied lettering.

By now season 2 had already ended, I believe, or it was soon to. Before I painted the case, I had to have one definitive test, to see that my creation demonstrated the functionality it promised, and now I had just the right voice to do it.

The final circuit was based on the work of radio pioneer Edwin Howard Armstrong, who was one of the fellows who invented the wireless world we know it today.

I turned the switch, and watched as the tungsten filament in the tube started glowing red. First I adjusted the receive coil and a radio station came in on the crystal earpiece, then, with a radio receiver in tune nearby, I started the sound I wanted to send over the air, and I pressed the transmit button...

It's true, it can be done. Today, there are people still alive who saw the day when the cutting edge of electronics was at this level. How far we've come from these baby steps, over such a short time.

Isn't science awesome?

I still haven't built a second unit.

[jaidens]

There Was One Of A Teenage Couple In A Driveway Holding Hands On The Way To A Dance And The Date On The Roof Back Said 1958

pairing [s] : johnny cade x reader

warning [s] : johnny cade takes you to a dance!! | johnny lives in this.. bring tissues |

a/n [s] : requests are open! short and I have school in the morning good night or good morning!

It's January 14th, 1958. Rogers Highschool was holding its all-annual Winter Dance. Johnny, your boyfriend, stands at the door with a bouquet of flowers and a big smile on his face. His hair is combed backwards, but the fluffiness is still there. You're wearing a brown dress that matches with his slightly oversized suit that he's in. That big smile stays on your face and you wrap your arms around his shoulders and give him a longing kiss.

Click! Is your mother with her camera taking a picture of you and Johnny. You swear her smile might peel off her face if it goes anywhere bigger. “Stand next to each other, Honey!” Your mother directs, moving her as to show where to stand. You're next to each other, his hand is around your waist, and your hand is on his chest. Many clicks go off later and your mother waves you off to not be late for the dance. Your father gives you a kiss on the forehead and he shakes Johnny's hand.

You take his hand and he takes you to your father's car that he was allowed to use. Johnny starts the car after he helps you into his seat and he begins driving to the school. The radio plays Elvis while he holds your hand in his. “Are you excited love?” Johnny asks with a smile on his face as he continues looking at the road. “Yes! Oh, and I heard Amy-Sue and Clark finally are going together!” You gossip and Johnny nods while he takes a sharp turn on the road.

Then, he pulls into your school before parking. He steps out of the car and opens your side of the car. You step out, heels hitting the ground first before you stand up and lay against his arms. You clasp his arm with yours and you start walking together once more. Most of the teenagers are all around, walking with their boyfriends and girlfriends and you smile and wave at some of your friends you see. “You have the tickets right?” You ask and Johnny nods when you get to the front door you walk inside and Johnny hands the ticket lady the tickets and she waves you both into the gymnasium where the dance was being held.

You can already hear the loud dancing music, most of it being Elvis’ voice. It was a roaring time of Elvis Presley and his iconic movement of music. Your school had loved Elvis, and it was played extremely frequently. You walk in and Johnny gets clapped on the back by some friends and you kiss two cheeks of your friends and hug a few. You hear a yell and it's “dancing time!”

You follow your friends and Johnny and you get pulled into the big group of dancing. It's heart racing and exhilarating whenever you and Johnny start to dance. You never knew how much Johnny could dance, but the big smile on his face and the rushing of breathing. He was jumping around and throwing you around in ways you've never danced. Then, the slow dance turns on.

‘Almost In Your Arms’ by Sophia Loren plays through the speakers and Johnny holds you close in his chest. You can smell the cologne he's wearing on his neck as you lay on it. The smell envelopes you and everything else you can feel. His arms lay respectfully on your lower back, as well as his lips on your forehead. “This night was incredible, thank you.” You continue moving back and forth with him, humming gently to the music.

Johnny kisses you softly, lips pressing against yours. You pull away and his eyes meet yours, the soft brown ones with that small twinkle that you always loved. He's staring with complete love and adoration for you, and a small grin appearing on his face.

—

“Grandma?” Your great-grandchild asks gently, her soft features reminding you of yours many years ago. “Is this you and Grandpa?” She hands you that picture, of you in the driveway before your gray hair sprouted and you could get through a day without having to take a nap for an hour. You cover your mouth with your frail hand, and tap Johnny's gently. “Oh yes! Honey, that was me and Grandpa in...oh remind me John..”

“1958, love.” Johnny reminds you softly as he grabs your hand. “Yes, me and him were fifteen years old going to the Rogers Highschool Winter Spectacular dance. Oh, I was so in love. I had my pretty little dancing shoes on, my hair curled, and me and Johnny were dancing!” You're smiling as your thumb holds the picture in the frame. “Grandpa was handsome!” As she finds another picture of him where he's smiling at you and holding onto your hands. “Why do you think I've been married to him for 58 years?” Johnny slaps your arm and stands up and walks to the kitchen.

“Grandpa was a Greaser?” Abigail, your granddaughter asks and smiles at you. “Oh, yes!” You smile and take the other picture of himself and your old friend Ponyboy Curtis. “Have any of you youngin heard of an author named Ponyboy Curtis? He wrote The Outsiders!” Your daughter nods her head, as well as the other kids. “That was him in 1962. We're still friends, I call him everyday after Bingo!”

It's sentimental as you go through the pictures and show Johnny the important ones, such as him and your daughter, Josie in his arms as he cried. You can't help but tear up at the photo of you so young, with your mother and Johnny that your father had taken. Your mother's smile that you miss so dearly and the love she had created in the house. Everything you miss has been recreated and her face was loved by Johnny and that was passed down to your daughters, your granddaughters and now your great-grandchildren.

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: “Droids In Distress”

Wacky droid hijinks and nostalgia abound, let’s get into it.

Now, this is an episode that for a different show would have been used as the pilot.  It’s got all the earmarks of a weekly serial testing out its tone and character dynamics, while acting with confidence like those are already established.

Note that this isn’t a bad thing.  It reminds me most of Teen Titans’s early Season One, there’s a certain kind of charm and innocence and an earnest attempt at convincing you, “Don’t worry, this will be a FUN show! :D”

Frankly starting off lighter eases you better into the world and characters so when things do get more serious and dramatic later you’re more invested because you’ve had more time to get endeared to the characters.

See also, Star Trek: Lower Decks, which had the audacity to end its Season Two on a cliffhanger, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY SILLY COMFORT SHOW, YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE STAKES!

Anyway we open rather appropriately In Media Res with the notes of the TIE Fighter Attack track from A New Hope, which auditorily puts us right into that OT headspace. :)

Once again the tight writing very quickly establishes the situation: The Ghost is on the run from the Empire, in need of cash flow and supplies, they have to occasionally run weapons for someone shady, Ezra is Force Sensitive, and--perhaps most importantly for the later story arc--Kanan has been avoiding training him.

Boy I miss concise exposition like this.  So much story is already set up in some densely-worded dialogue.  (Not just Kanan’s reluctance to teach Ezra but also Zeb’s misgivings with working for Vizago given the uncertain nature of the weapons he deals in.)

Also don’t think I missed Ezra being most concerned with the fact that they are running out of food.

RIGHT SO I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW GIDDY I WAS THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE ICKLE MINI TARI LOVED THE STAR TOURS RIDE AT DISNEYWORLD.  Seriously it was one of my top favorites.  Never rode the updated version (haven’t been back to DW in years) but the classic version was iconic for me.

And this is a cameo/Easter Egg that actually works in context because you don’t need to know anything about this droid pilot, he works organically in the story as he is without any background knowledge required.

Unlike many of the other cameos we could name in certain other Star Wars shows *COUGH*.

Threepio and Artoo on the flipside... Okay, I’m not quite sure how to articulate that it still works better than in aforementioned other shows but it does.  Again Imma chalk it up to, they just fit more organically into the plot and around these characters and also advance the bigger plot by introducing a thread that suggests the crew is going to be connected to the larger Rebellion, which pays off this Season Finale... instead of being a sideshow diversion disconnected from the main characters that may or may not make another appearance down the line sometime.  Maybe.

Side note of appreciation for Chopper gleefully taking right to his role of Public Nuisance Annoying Everyone (But Especially Ezra).  I don’t think there was much acting involved for either of them lol.

XD

Still love how bouncy and dynamic the character animation was these early episodes.

Has that fun kid-friendly feel that lures you into a false sense of security lol.

Our first hint at Sabine’s backstory, cleverly hidden as part of her cover story.

I kinda like that Garel is close enough to Lothal that a very small shuttle is able to just ferry people back and forth in like twenty minutes.

Lol Zeb whapping Sabine because she’s laying it on too much.

One of the nice things about having low-stakes plots in the beginning is it allows room for lovely little breathing scenes like this one with Ezra leaping across the rooftops.  It’s not plot necessary, we could have easily just cut to him arriving at the other hanger, but it’s just... pleasant.

There’s some nice mood music (a very slowed down mellow Main Titles theme), some very mild action, and we feel a satisfied little thrill along with Ezra seeing just what he’s capable of already just knowing that he’s Force Sensitive.  This is the first time he’s consciously tapped into the Force and it’s just a little bit exciting.

Just look at his face gkjhgkjh I’m so proud of him and all he did was some parkour.

Subtle animation detail appreciation: Zeb visibly shudders backing away from the crates.

I love Threepio throwing some indignant shade Sabine’s way with his “[...] if she is an amateur.” line.

We know Zeb is the muscle  of the group, that’s already established, but it’s still obvious in the voice acting and Zeb’s intense tossing of the Stormtroopers that he’s more agitated than normal.

Threepio being oblivious and fussy as per usual.

Please enjoy the Fridge Horror of knowing that the Empire was planning to mass-produce T7 ion disruptors and probably not for their starship-crippling properties. :)

Ezra immediately backing off the hostility once he knows why Zeb’s upset. <333  He’s such an empath I love him.

See this is why I don’t understand people who hate Ezra.  Was he a little bratty this episode?  Sure, but also see how he lets that drop out of compassion once he understands the situation.

Also Ahsoka came onto the stage waaaaaaaaay brattier and a smug know-it-all to boot, just admit y’all hate the kid-appeal characters and refuse to let them be stupid and dumb in order to have some character growth.

Hera’s frustration when she hears that Kanan hasn’t been training Ezra. <333

Lol and love how there’s an immediate follow-up in the next scene.  I want to see the beginning of that conversation.

Pryce gets name-dropped here for the first time.  Predictably Threepio is making a muck of things.  See, this is why no one tells you anything or trusts you with the mission Threepio.

Ezra has clearly dealt with underworld figures like Vizago before lol.

I do wonder if all of this is just a massive Batman Gambit by Artoo, because he seems to be completely unfazed by anything that’s happening.

The AT-DPs get quite a bit of focus in this series and I think their ubiquitous presence in the first season preps us mentally for the heavy upgrade that is the AT-ATs.

Love this shot tracking Hera as she shoots at the AT-DP, very frenetic with the blocking and the camera movements.

The duel between Kallus and Zeb is honestly better than some of the lightsaber fights don’t @ me you know it’s true.

This music cue when they launch the disruptors is a unique one, particular to only this moment I think, but I like it.

Aaaaaaand the first of many times Kallus gets yeeted with the Force.  Lol.

See Sequel Trilogy, this is the general powerset of someone who only just learned they were Force Sensitive and hasn’t had any training. /salt

Kanan seems very surprised and amazed by what Ezra can already do without any formal guidance.  This’ll play into his insecurities later, his whole thing about how Ezra’s powers are growing faster than he can teach.

I think it’s safe to assume Ezra had a lot of latent natural talent that he’d been unconsciously using this whole time that just needed a tiny push to begin manifesting in earnest.

Again, though, Sequel Trilogy, all we unlock is basic shit like Force Sense, Force Jump, and Force Push.

Not surprising Kanan went to fetch Zeb, he’s about the only one even close to Zeb’s height lol.

Kanan looks so proud of Ezra, aww.

More lovely work with the subtle expressions; Kanan’s smile fades and his eyes drop a bit.  Like he realizes, “Oh boy, now I gotta face all my inadequacies and problems.”  Love it.  Love that it’s episode two and we’ve already established so many of the upcoming character arcs.

Hi Bail!

Luke’s theme closing us out once again, apropos given where we are and who we’re with.

For our first “official” non-pilot episode, this is a solid entry.  As I said, establishes a whole bunch about the characters and their relationship dynamics and upcoming arcs and plot points.  It’s also very fun, sets the general early tone of “Adventure and excitement but not too much... yet.” and the animation continues to impress in small ways, mostly the dynamic shot choices, camera angles and movements and the subtlety of emotion displayed on faces.

Coming back to this one always just leaves me with a warm feeling like, “Aahhh yes, back when everything was innocent.”  It definitely plays up the nostalgic feeling of the OT, which was always one of Rebels’ strengths as a show.

Next time, one of the many “filler” episodes that come back in an important and unexpected way in the finale.  You’d think, given the number of Avatar: The Last Airbender alums on the project, fandom would know better than to discount the seemingly light-hearted low-stakes disconnected episodes. XD

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 16: In the Mirror of Darkness

On the off-chance you just started following Tumblr's WoT stuff today: this blog is going to have spoilers for everything. Everything. If you don't want spoilers for the whole series, don't keep reading!

This chapter has the Dragon's Fang icon, a reflection of Rand's increasing challenges with being a male channeler. Also the whole "choosing greatness vs. having it forced upon you" discussion and of course the way that being the Dragon Reborn has brought Lanfear into orbit around him.

“You should not have done it, Lord Rand,” Hurin said when Rand woke the others just at daybreak.

Last chapter ended with Rand refusing to acknowledge his pain, the first step down a particularly toxic path that will haunt him until the closing books. This chapter begins with Rand refusing to acknowledge his physical needs, the first step down a particularly toxic path that will haunt him until the closing books. These two habits feed into each other beautifully, and by beautifully I of course mean horrifically.

“No need to be so touchy,” Loial muttered.

Rand continues to be dickish to his companions. At this point he's still aware he's doing it, but pay attention! As he descends into his worst state, he becomes more and more able to justify his shortness.

“According to Ingtar,” Loial said, “that is still three or four days ahead of us. If it is here at all. I don’t know why it should be. I don’t think there are any people here at all.”

I really do wonder: do all Mirror worlds shrink? Or is it just the ones that are particularly unlikely, or those that are particularly deviated from the necessary Pattern? Will this world eventually shrink into nothingness? Does the Wheel still think that there is some way it could correct itself - some pregnant Seanchan fighter pilot who had a crash landing at Dragonmount a couple decades back - and thus keeps it on-hand just in case this world's Rand ends up being the one to descend into Shayol Ghul and reseal the Dark One? Or is its spatial distortion the proof that this world isn't ever getting back on track?

Perhaps it disappears as soon as Rand is gone. If there are Shadowspawn left somewhere, maybe it only disappears when the Dark One is resealed and the ontology of this timeline no longer makes independent sense. Maybe it just keeps going until some arbitrary point in the mid-fifth Age when it finally slots back in to the main timeline and no longer needs independence.

“It is Hawkwing’s monument. It must be. There were people here, whether there are now or not. They just built it in another place here, and never tore it down. Think of it, Hurin. When we get back, you’ll be able to tell them what the monument really looked like. There will only be three of us in the whole world who have ever seen it.”

This is some beautiful irony of course, but it also plays off of what's discussed later in this chapter. This kind of glory is not easily obtained and none of our party were trying for it at all, but to have received it is wonderful and empowering all the same - exactly the opposite of Lanfear's thesis.

There was a hawk, too, carved near the bottom. With a wingspan of ten paces, it lay on its back, pierced by a lightning bolt, and ravens pecked at its eyes. The huge wings atop the spire seemed to block the sun.

Of course, a world like this is not a place of glory at all. Still, I feel a bit bad for Rand and Hurin to have their hopes dashed so quickly.

Also it seems deeply out of character for the Trollocs to have made such an immense monument, let alone one that lasted for a thousand years. Guess that's why they won in this world.

“I do not know, Rand. Perhaps, after they killed the people, they killed one another. Trollocs live to kill. That is all they do; that is all they are. I just don’t know.”

Note that this doesn't really mess with my theory because, as Loial says, he doesn't know. He just doesn't have enough information and can only guess as to what happened in the last thousand years.

Without thinking, Rand muttered, “Maybe this place is like the Ways.” He heard Hurin moan, and instantly regretted not keeping a rein on his tongue.

Belief and order give strength. When everything's completely disarrayed, belief by itself can lead to some horrible places. And yeah - this place being much more like the Ways would be absolutely terrible.

“Not unless she can fly,” Rand said. “She’s south of us.” He kicked Red to a dead run in two strides. “Be careful you said!” Loial shouted after him. “Light, Rand, remember! Be careful!”

Loial really has no idea how careless Rand is being, running after a Forsaken like this.

If a frog were as big as a bear, or if a bear had a frog’s gray-green hide, it might look like that. A big bear.

I am 90% certain that at some point in the Wheel's history, all the crazy Seanchan imports are going to take over the ecology and humanity's gonna be running around in a Hollywood Prehistory deal. I am 75% certain that grolm will be among the more dangerous predators.

“An eye,” the woman called. She sounded surprisingly calm, considering her screams. “You must hit an eye to kill it.”

"I'm not suspicious at all!" the woman called. "Don't think about how I'd know these things!"

She was all in white, her dress divided for riding and belted in silver, and her boots, peeking out from under her hems, were tooled in silver, too. Even her saddle was white, and silver-mounted. Her snowy mare, with its arched neck and dainty step, was almost as tall as Rand’s bay.

I feel like half the reason that the show abandoned Lanfear's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very themed wardrobe is because it just doesn't pop on TV in the same sort of way as it can in a book. Like even her horse? Nobody should be this monochromatic. It would hurt to look at!

“I have never thought of it before,” Loial said abruptly, sounding as if he were talking to himself; “but if there is such a thing as perfect human beauty, in face and form, then you—”

Gotta hand it to Lanfear to have a Mask of Mirrors so powerful that it gives members of a different species the hots for her. Or is Loial just a freak?

Suddenly he became conscious of her eyes on him. Her expression had not changed, but her dark eyes made him feel as if he were naked. Unbidden, the thought came of Selene with no clothes. His face went red again.

Rand, sweetie, I've seen Japanese harem protagonists who are more capable of interacting with women. Get it together.

For a moment she was silent, her face blank and smooth; Rand had no idea what she was thinking, except that she seemed to be studying him anew.

Lanfear is of course deeply furious that Rand isn't abandoning everything to be her devoted love slave for all time. She's just good at covering it (I expect that "blank and smooth" is how she sets her weave to make her appear whenever she's not focusing on it so that she can swear repeatedly without breaking character). The study is purely about figuring out how best to go along with his stupidity.

“There always are [more grolm around],” Selene said.

How does she even know this, anyway? They weren't around when she was alive? I am suddenly picturing Ishamael freeing her months before Eye of the World even started, but her finding out Rand hadn't been located yet meant she ditched him to focus on plotting how to win him when he was IDed, spending all this time researching in Seanchan for kicks. Only came back across the ocean to help Ish when he showed up with his face burned off all, "Yeah I found him."

“You will be a great man when you’ve found the Horn of Valere,” she told him. “A man for the legends. The man who sounds the Horn will make his own legends.”

She's... not exactly wrong. Mat resents being dragged around by fate so goes around to the various powers that be and gets upgrades that let him feel more in control of his destiny. It never entirely pays off, but it works out a lot better for him than he's willing to admit.

“Some men,” she said, not raising her eyes from his hand, “choose to seek greatness, while others are forced to it. It is always better to choose than to be forced. A man who’s forced is never completely his own master. He must dance on the strings of those who forced him.”

And here's where Lanfear's quite wrong. Nobody in the Wheel of Time setting is completely their own master; everyone who has the hubris to think that they are gets smacked down hard by reality at some point or another. Yes, people who are shoved into positions of power often have difficulty with their patrons, but Rand will ultimately outplay Moiraine and when Egwene becomes Amyrlin she outplays the Hall that raises her - the people who do get strings around them are the subordinates they chose and also the other major players of the setting (mostly their friends). Meanwhile, Lanfear chooses to seek greatness and spends the back third of the series as Moridin's slave.

“Offend me? I am not offended, but I’m no Aes Sedai.” Her lip curled in a sneer; even that was beautiful. “They cower in what they think is safety when they could do so much. They serve when they could rule, let men fight wars when they could bring order to the world. No, never call me Aes Sedai.”

Lanfear clearly has no respect for the current institution, but I think that this particular perspective compared to later Forsaken attitudes of "They're not even real Aes Sedai!" is born in part from her resentment of the AoL institutions. She's glad the old Aes Sedai are dead and gone.

Rand was relieved, but he missed her presence, too. She was only two spans away—he twisted in his saddle to stare at her, riding by Loial’s side; the Ogier was bent half double in his saddle so he could talk with her—but that was not the same as being right there beside him, close enough for him to smell her heady scent, close enough to touch.

I don't know what's sadder, Lanfear's idea of playing hard-to-get being "stay a dozen feet away from Rand" or the fact that it's working.

She says you were right about the Ways, Rand. The Aes Sedai, some of them, studied worlds like this, and that study was the basis of how they grew the Ways. She says there are worlds where it is time rather than distance that changes. Spend a day in one of those, and you might come back to find a year has passed in the real world, or twenty. Or it could be the other way round. Those worlds—this one, all the others—are reflections of the real world, she says. This one seems pale to us because it is a weak reflection, a world that had little chance of ever being. Others are almost as likely as ours. Those are as solid as our world, and have people.

Lanfear is clearly infodumping because Loial is a non-Aes Sedai with a brain and she's so happy to have someone, anyone to listen to her who can kind of follow what she specializes in. If she'd gone on much longer she probably would have ended up telling him how she found the Dark One's prison by realizing that the probability space that the mirror worlds existed in was still larger than the infinity that actually existed and that the "gap" where no such world seemed to exist was disconcertingly and bizarrely close to T'A'R and the prime reality.

The Ways are probably the sort of place where there's a bit of both space and time bending, or some such other non-natural Mirror World feature, to make room for them amid the extant realities. I would expect that if there is any time bending it's much more minor though: a single millisecond lost every hour or thereabouts so you'd never notice unless you spent way too long in the Ways.

Do the worlds that have the solidity of the prime reality have the same space, or is every Mirror World off in some dimension because it's not the prime? Do the inhabitants even notice?

“How does she know all that? You know about more things than anybody I ever met before, Loial, and all you knew about this world amounted to no more than a rumor.”

Lanfear overheard him say this and hurriedly turned up the hotness on her weave because despite all of her efforts he's still very close to realizing just how bullshit her story is.

She was studying his sword, he saw. He readied the words in his head. No, he was not a blademaster, but his father had given him the sword. Tam. Light, why couldn’t you really be my father? He squashed the thought ruthlessly. “That was a magnificent shot,” Selene said.

I can't decide if Lanfear just made a specific point of seeming interested in one weapon only to bring up another specifically to keep Rand off-balance or if she was contemplating how distasteful she found the whole sword thing last time around. Bringing up the archery could just be an attempt to nip Lews's worst characteristics in the bud.

“The Oneness,” she said, sounding satisfied. She saw his questioning look and added, “That is what it is called . . . in some places. The Oneness. To learn the full use of it, it is best to wrap it around you continuously, to dwell in it at all times, or so I’ve heard.”

Of course, behavior like this make me think maybe she's just unbalanced, since she's certainly no master spy.

“You can use the Stone, this Portal Stone, yourself,” he said angrily. Before the words were out of his mouth he wanted them back. Why does she have to keep talking about legends? Stubbornly, he forced himself to go on.

I wonder if fights like this were habitual to Lews before their relationship fully broke down. Perhaps his pride - anger and stubbornness combined in his case - meant that he pushed Mierin away more harshly than necessary. Maybe if things had been different, she wouldn't have snapped as badly as she did.

But maybe not. They both made their choices.

“Stay with me, Selene,” he said. “We’ll find the Horn, and Mat’s dagger, and we’ll find a way back. I promise you. Just stay with me.” “You always. . . .” Selene drew a deep breath as if to calm herself. “You always are so stubborn. Well, I can admire stubbornness in a man. There is little to a man who’s too easily biddable.”

Obviously the easy conclusion to Selene calming herself is that she was just going to phrase "stubborn" in a harsher way that didn't match her disguise but I wonder. Might she have been about to say, "You always promise"? There's really no way of knowing how much of this conversation is them playing out the same toxic patterns they danced once before; Rand doesn't remember them and Lanfear's not telling.

At first he could make out nothing as the landscape seemed to waver in his eyes, but then he saw them through the widespread stands of trees, just topping a hill. Five shapes, it seemed, only half a mile distant, a bare thousand paces at most, and coming in thirty-foot bounds.

That's not conveniently timed to force everyone to run the way Lanfear wants them to at all.

We'll see what happens next time though. See you then!

[ifuckinglovedinosaurssomuchjesus]

GODZILLA MOVIE MARATHON: Godzilla vs Megalon (1973)

Oh hey, remember when I was doing this? I am at the whim of my hyperfixations and, luckily, I'm in a Goji mood again. So it's time to pick up right where we left off a year ago and keep this marathon going.

We're deep in the champion series, where Godzilla movies were made every year for Toho's annual movie festivals, which meant cookie cutter scripts and shoe string budgets.

The script is pretty standard by this point, except with the aliens replaced by hilariously incompetent Atlantians. It gets the job done ok, it keeps itself relevant and is relatively entertaining, even if you're still spending most of the runtime waiting for a rubber suit monster to show up.

Speaking of monsters, the plot mainly revolves around a little robot by the name of Jet Jaguar. He spends most of the movie getting yanked around by whoever is in control of him till he inexplicably against consciousness and joins the battle for good. He's an obvious Ultraman rip-off, but he's also a cult favorite for his goofy design and his antics. He gets a lot of love from fans, Evangelion even references him in the Jet Alone episode, and it's easy to see why. He's not the strongest, but he's got spunk, character, and a catchy theme tune. You can't help but love him.

The same goes for the other debut creature, the titular Megalon. The Kaiju in this movie have so much personality, Megalon especially is super expressive. I love his child-like personality, where he gloats and taunts when he's winning but throws a tantrum when he isn't. He cackles and claps and slaps his butt, and despite having no facial expressions, he might as well be talking with how well the suit actor portrays his thoughts. My favorite is his obvious "what the hell" pose when Jet Jaguar and Godzilla escape his fire trap. He's also ridiculously pathetic, dumb as bricks, he ultimately gets knocked down by swallowing one of his own bombs. I love how he just lays there while Goji and JJ just stare at him with contempt. Even his final departure is hilarious with him face planting into a hole as it collapses onto him.

Gigan also makes his return, as cackling and sadistic as ever, and he matches Megalon's energy perfectly. They really do make a perfect duo, real team rocket energy of bumbling bafoons thinking they're badder than they actually are. Gigan's justification for being here is the best, the Atlantians straight up just call the cockroach aliens from the last movie and ask to borrow their monster. Sure, why not?

And of course, Godzilla is here too. He's a full on children's hero, accentuated by the goofy circus music that plays as he walks up to the battle. He's got some cool moments, like singlehandedly stomping both Megalon and Gigan when he first arrives and of course the iconic tail-slide kick.

Overall, many people lump this movie in with vs Gigan as the bottom of the barrel when it comes to the franchise, which I think is unfair. They're both similar movies in that they both live and die by the final battle. While vs Gigan had a really slow, boring fight that really didn't justify having to sit through the rest of the movie, vs Megalon has one of the most fun final battles in the series. If you can sit through the rather tediousn, but not all bad first hour of human plot, you get 20 minutes straight of some of the most expressive and enjoyable Kaiju action of the Showa era.

Interestingly, for some reason a US executive decided this was going to be the Godzilla movie to grab that American demographic, and it was marketed and distributed far more than nearly any film before it. While not an immediate success, it did result in this easily becoming the most common Godzilla outing in video rental stores and late night TV reruns. It shaped Godzilla's image in America more than any other film, for decades the name was synonymous with cheap costumes, goofy effects, and bad dubs. Even to this day, the Monsterverse's take on a heroic Godzilla fighting evil monsters has its roots going back here. Some people may hold resentment towards it for that, but for me personally, I really enjoyed it. It's not the best the Showa era has to offer, but it's certainly up there, so 7/10 seems fair to me.

[doggiewoggiez]

what is the reading list you’ve been doing

This meme. Got reposted from 4chan to Reddit to Twitter and finally to Tumblr. I'll update this post as I read each book. Here's the complete list:

1. Goosebumps #28: The Cuckoo Clock of Doom - R.L. Stine. Very middle of the road Goosebumps book not especially good but not terrible. 6/10 dead sisters.

2. Call of the Crocodile - F. Gardner. This book is a meme on /lit/ cause the dude's batshit and is constantly trying to promote his books that are extremely poorly written. He calls himself a famous author, doesn't believe gorillas or giraffes are real, and advocates chainsmoking cigarettes to help with the writing process. This book is the funniest thing I've ever read and made me so fucking angry by being so awful. 10/10 misplaced commas.

3. No Longer Human - Osamu Dazai. A semi-autobiographical story published before the author's suicide about a severely mentally ill character named Oba Yozo through his life of addiction, women, suicide attempts, and so on. An incredibly depressing read. His whole inner life is laid bare and it's disgusting and grotesque and you see yourself in him and you wish you could hold him and cry for him but even if you could you would never have the power to make anything okay. Beautiful fucking book, genuinely 100% no fucking joke changed my life. 10000/10 shitty cyberpunk adaptations.

4. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky. I cried hard as fuck dude. Another life changer for reals. Dostoevsky had such a deep understanding of human nature whether it be the lowest, most base and vile instincts or the unending capacity for love and compassion that exist in us all. All while being the blueprint for like every heady crime drama like Death Note, Breaking Bad, etc. The shit all you fags like. Most people just remember it as maybe required HS reading and definitely something people are pretentious about but it 100% deserves all the love it gets. Fan fucking tastic. 100000/10 years in Siberia.

5. Becoming - Michelle Obama. A bit too heavily ghostwritten, but when Michelle's voice shows through it's not terrible, it's kind of interesting to hear the inside scoop on White House life. It's kind of sad that Barack is the most interesting part of the book, and book-Barack seems like an extremely interesting and cool guy. But the book doesn't address all his dead civilians. 5/10 drone strikes.

6. Ulysses - James Joyce. The modernist novel, from what I understand. Half retelling of the Odyssey in 1900s Ireland, half a troll on literary critics, all around a pretty damn fun read. Not very far yet. Definitely the most difficult thing I've ever tried to read. Unfinished/10 Agenbites of inwit

7. 48 Laws of Power. This is like, THE sigma bro self help book as far as I've heard. It's pretty iconic, but I'm not especially excited for it.

8. Frankenstein - Mary Shelley. We all know it and love it, I'm interested to read the OG story.

9. Catechism of the Catholic Church 2nd Edition. Book from the Vatican that lays out what the church's official opinions, rules, shit like that are. Will be boring but interesting.

10. The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins. One of the biggest atheist dude books there is and probably by far the most influential. God is bad people who believe in God are stupid etc etc. Hopefully it has something interesting to say and isn't just a jerk off. It might just be a jerk off.

11. The Love Hypothesis - Ali Hazelwood. Some booktok romance schlock afaik. People make fun of it.

12. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole. All I know is it's about a guy in New Orleans in the 60s. Might be good, people seem to really like it.

13. The Art of War - Sun Tzu. Im gonna get so good at surprising my enemy.

14. Kodomo no Jikan - Kaworu Watashiya. Pure pedoslop, I don't think there's even an official English translation so we might not read it but I'm preemptively giving it 0/10.

15. The Iliad - Homer. The story of the Trojan war. All I know is Helen, Horse, and that's about it.

16. The Odyssey - Homer. It's the Odyssey. I think it's funny that it comes after Ulysses since I don't actually know the whole story of the Odyssey itself.

17. Ted Bundy: Conversations with a Killer - Stephen G. Michaud and Hugh Aynesworth. This is that thing they made a Netflix doc about a while back.

18. The C++ Programming Language 4th edition - Bjarne Stroustrup. Exactly what it says on the tin, by the guy who wrote the language.

19. Empress Theresa - Norman Boutin. A classic, it's a weird self-published story by a guy who's extremely unwell, usually referenced in the same way Sonichu is.

20. The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner. His most difficult to read work, about a Southern family at the beginning of the 20th century.

21. Black Future #1 - Whitney Ryan. A very racist BNWO sissification porn story that was probably written as a joke. Possible skip definite 0/10.

22. The Cat in the Hat - Dr. Seuss. You know this.

23. The Trial - Franz Kafka. One of Kafka's most famous unfinished works, about a guy who's on trial for something and he doesn't know what.

24. American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis. Supposed to be way darker and more fucked up than the movie, really supposed to chill you to the bone afaik. VERY excited for this read.

25. Gravity's Rainbow - Thomas Pynchon. One of those famous "Really Fucking Long And Hard Books" like Infinite Jest or Ulysses, incredibly autistic foray into WW2 rocket science. Classic Pynchonery.

26. Magick In Theory and Practice - Aleister Crowley. Thankfully it's not the entirety of Magick Liber ABA Book 4.

27. Minecraft Jokes for Kids - Steve Minecraft. Not a real book but we'll substitute Jokes For Minecrafters by the Hollow family.

28. The Jews and Their Lies - Martin Luther. One of the most notorious antisemitic texts, right up there with the Protocols. It's going to be a pretty apalling read but it has pretty damn significant historical value so it's probably worth reading.

29. Dianetics - L. Ron Hubbard. The scientology book. It's way longer than you'd expect.

30. Everyone Poops - Taro Gomi. I don't understand this because girls don't poop.

31. In His Own Write - John Lennon. His writing and art, mostly just a bunch of absurd bullshit. I want to remain neutral and not just hate the book because I hate the guy. We'll see if it deserves that.

32. Bear - Marian Engel. This is that Canadian novel where the woman has a romance with a bear.

33. How To Get A Girlfriend - Chad Scott Nellis. Some bullshit self published thing. I'm gonna be swimming in punani.

34. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson. Some self help schlock afaik.

35. Gabriel Dropout (vol. 3) - UKAMI. This is that cutesy manga about those angels and demons in human high school.

36. 120 Days of Sodom - Marquis De Sade. Old story of elite sex cults, I'm pretty sure it's the origin of that being like a thing that people conspiracy theory about.

37. Phenomenology of Spirit - Hegel. You probably know Hegel from either Marx or Fallout New Vegas. I know Hegel because a chick at my friend's co-op talked at me about him for like ten minutes while I was way too shit faced to know what the fuck is going on around me at all but I nodded along.

38. Star Wars: The Ultimate Sticker Collection. I bought this used for a buck fifty with half the stickers gone. All the new trilogy ones were still there.

39. The Anarchist Cookbook. Vom hard at the idea of "buying" this but I want to make sure I get the version as it appears in the meme so I guess I'll drop a few bucks on it.

40. An American Life - Ronald Reagan. Practical applications for previous book.

41. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger. Had to read this in high school, hated it, maybe it'll be better this time around.

42. Finnegan's Wake - James Joyce. An early postmodernist work about uhhh fucking whatever it was about. I'm not gonna lie if Ulysses is this hard for me this one will kill me.

43. The Charles Mingus CAT-alog for Toilet Training Your Cat. I'm not in the know when it comes to music but apparently this guy is like one of the gods of jazz. And he wrote a book on teaching your cat to shit in a people-toilet.

44. Am I Disabled? - The Simpsons S7E7. This is the book Homer reads where he learns obesity is a disability and gets really fat so he can work from home. Story of my life.

45. Serial Experiments Lain: An Omnipresence in Wired - Yoshitoshi ABe. The Lain artbook, with the short manga The Nightmare of Fabrication. Will be very expensive to get ahold of.

46. Pounded by the Pound - Chuck Tingle. We've heard enough about this guy the bit was holding onto the last molecule of funny it had like five years ago but I now had to buy a compilation paperback of his work for this.

47. Ford Capri II 2.8 & 3.0 Owners Workshop Manual 1974-1987. Had to order this from the UK couldn't find any in the US.

48. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov. We all know what this is. Of all things when my mom saw this list this was the book she pointed out as being really good, which I thought was funny.

49. Man's Life Magazine, September 1956 issue. "Weasels Ripped My Flesh." Good god it will be difficult finding the actual magazine, but the weasels story itself has been reprinted.

50. Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs (2nd Edition) - Harold Abelson et al. I like when people make anime girls have it :)

51. Shiver - Junji Ito. Never been a major Ito fan but a couple of his works I really liked are in this compilation.

52. Neon Genesis Evangelion (vol. 2) - Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. The Eva manga was really good I've actually read it before.

53. How To Avoid Huge Ships - Captain John W. Trimmer. Classic meme because I guess the cover and premise is very funny but I don't really get the joke. It's not that ridiculous sounding of a book, it's just niche.

54. Spice and Wolf (vol. 1) - Isuna Hasekura. Light novel for that manga we've been seeing around. They put a generic cover on it and replaced the anime girl so it could sell to non-weebs.

55. Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand. My sister read this in like middle school and unironically no joke started bawling crying sobbing because poor people are so evil and awful.

56. The Very Hungry Caterpillar - Eric Carle. Oh Boy I Sure Hope This Little Wiggly Guy Eats Something Normal! Oh no.. oh dear ...

57. Glow In The Dark - Kanye West. Very very hard to get a physical copy but we'll try. Photo book of his tour of the same name.

58. Mein Kampf - Adolf Hitler. Now obviously this wasn't included on the list for the genuine important historical value this book has but that's what I'm going to be reading it for. In reading it critically afaik it really paints a picture of how pathetic and unwell he was.

59. Higurashi: When They Cry. I hear it's really good.

60. This is a naked photo of Daniel Radcliffe posed with a horse.

61. Aberration in the Heartland of the Real - Wendy S. Painting. This is a book on the life of the OKBOMB guy, Timothy McVeigh. I hate how true crime shit has become so polarized as either sensational dogshit to make women walk with their keys between their knuckles or some awful horrible thing that's not worth looking into because "they were just racist/misogynistic/etc" I think it's all very reductive so this promises to be a good read.

62. KUBARK Counterintelligence Interrogation. CIA document on breaking a prisoner and interrogating from the 60s.

63. The Game - Neil Strauss. The Bible for pickup artists.

64. Identifying Wood - R. Bruce Hoadley. Yep, it's wood.

65. Fresh And Fabulous Meals in Minutes - Ainsley Harriot. Lots of memes about him but this is just a regular cookbook.

66. The Turner Diaries - Andrew Macdonald. Far-right racist book that inspired terrorism and hate crimes. People who read it and didn't already agree with it going in have said it's poorly written and just blows, and in the peek I took that seems to be true. It's too influential to not read if I'm going to be reading about Timothy McVeigh. Hard to get since it got pulled from most online stores following Jan 6th.

67. The C Programming Language (2nd Edition) - Brian W. Kernighan & Dennis M. Ritchie. Gonna learn to code I guess.

68. A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara. It's a story about a group of mentally ill gay men living in New York. Has been described as trauma porn written by a woman fetishizing gay men and is on there because channers like making fun of it, but it was also shortlisted for a Pulitzer.

69. The Rose of Paracelsus - William Leonard Pickard. The author was the victim of one of the largest acid busts and he wrote this in prison.

70. The Book of Mormon - Joseph Smith. Interested to learn what the fuck Mormons are actually all about.

71. Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone - J.K. Rowling. Like most people I read these in middle school. They were mid then and they're ass now but I'm not gonna tryhard about how bad they are because you've probably heard enough at this point.

72. A Critique of Pure Reason - Immanuel Kant. As someone who doesn't know shit about philosophy I'm excited.

73. Autobiography - Morrissey. Notorious for being published through Penguin Classics which is NOT for Morrisseys. Bad Morrissey. Go to your room.

74. Official Final Fantasy 7 Strategy Guide. I'm gonna get so good at FF7 dude.

75. My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness - Kabi Nagata. Think of the most annoying bpd she/they you know and then imagine a really mid book that she'd become way too annoying about. You've imagined this book.

76. Children of the Matrix - David Icke. The origin of the reptoids conspiracy theory.

77. Anti-Oedipus - Deleuze and Guattari. Mario and Luigi for your leftist roommate who won't do the dishes

78. Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace. It's a book about a person place or thing I know that much.

79. Sonichu #0 - Gonna be near impossible to source a physical copy from its short Lulu run.

80. Uncle Tom's Cabin - Harriet Beecher Stowe. Obviously of great historical importance but I get a sneaking suspicion that's not why they put it on the list.

81. Bronze Age Mindset - Bronze Age Pervert. This is... Well, it's sure something.

82. Drilled By My Two Cowboys - Aurora Sommers. BBW Cowboy porn 😋💦

83. The Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoevsky. People say it's his best work and if it's anywhere near as good as C&P was it'll blow me away. Also the Godfather was inspired by it.

84. Spare - Prince Harry. Really unfunny inclusion I can't imagine there's much value in it.

85. Da Jesus Book. That's the Hawaiian Pidgin translation of the New Testament. So basically I'm just reading the bible with extra steps.

86. Elon Musk - Ashlee Vance. Biography on Elon Musk apparently, not especially interested cause good chance it'll just suck him off hard.

87. Where's Waldo (Deluxe) - Martin Handford. Oh god I hope I find him.

88. Dracula - Bram Stoker. Shoulda subbed to Dracula Daily......

89. Bart Simpson's Guide to Life. I'm excited to see what Bart has to say about what I need to do with myself.

90. Bakemonogatari (vol. 1) - Nisio Isin. I've heard of this in passing I don't really know anything about this light novel except there's like girls and they're monsters maybe?

91. Business Secrets of the Pharoahs - Mark Crorigan. Fake book from S8E2 of the show Peep Show, which I've never heard of. It's British.

92. Industrial Society and Its Future - Ted Kaczynski. All I really know about Ted's ideas in the end is that everyone on here says he's based. I definitely want to read him and formulate my own opinion but I will probably also end up agreeing that he's based.

93. My Twisted World - Elliot Rodger. This is the manifesto of that incel shooter, probably a pretty worthwhile read in the same way a lot of this stuff is, a look into a deeply troubled person's mind.

94. Wash Your Penis - Jordan B. Peterson. This doesn't exist so we'll just read 12 Rules for Life.

95. Andrew Tate's Exegesis of the Quran. Unfortunately he did not actually write one though I bet it would be soooo terrible and funny. But we will read the Quran.

96. Art of the Deal - Donald Trump. Time to find out why people respected this guy.

[iviarellereads]

The Eye of the World, Prologue - Dragonmount

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Wheel icon)(1) In which you're right to be confused.

Sit down, relax, have a sip of tea, open the book: everyone is dead, and the architecture distorted from the flawed magic that killed them in myriad unpleasant ways.(2)

And then Lews Therin Telamon calls out for his wife. He's quite oblivious to the destruction around him, unable to see the woman laying dead, her final expression one of disbelief,(3) at his feet as he calls her name.

For a moment he fingered the symbol on his cloak, a circle half white and half black, the colors separated by a sinuous line. It meant something, that symbol.(4)

But he's easily distracted, here, now, until an old acquaintance comes calling, appearing out of the air in thigh high boots with silver trim the fandom still makes fun of when we reread this and remember. LTT doesn't remember him, though, only asks if he'd like to help with the Singing that will happen soon.(5)

"Shai'tan take you, does the taint already have you so far in its grip?"(6)

The stranger's name was once Elan Morin Tedronai, we don't get his current one, only a nickname: the Betrayer of Hope. LTT is known as the Dragon, and now Kinslayer. He's so far gone, he barely remembers that Shai'tan is a name that should never be spoken. It would seem that he, in his tainted madness, killed his own castle. His own home. His own wife. The Betrayer of Hope names a bunch of titles LTT once held, and is frustrated that now he's so much more powerful than LTT, and LTT has forgotten it all, forgotten him, all but forgotten reality itself.

The BOH says he won't let LTT die without recognizing how far he's fallen, and it's unfortunate that one of the Sisters isn't here, for he never had much skill with Healing,(7) and he uses a different power now.(8) And then, using some kind of magic that darkens the room, he heals LTT's mind.

Pain blazed in Lews Therin, and he screamed, a scream that came from his depths, a scream he could not stop. […] Slowly, ever so slowly, the pain receded. […] His eyes fell on the golden-haired woman, and the scream that was ripped out of him dwarfed every sound he had made before.

He crawls to her, screaming and weeping. BOH promises, he could have her back if he turned to the dark, even now. But, LTT remembers, now, that BOH's "foul master" has racked the world for ten years.

"This war has not lasted ten years, but since the beginning of time. You and I have fought a thousand battles with the turning of the Wheel, a thousand times a thousand, and we will fight until time dies and the Shadow is triumphant!"(9)

LTT swears vengeance for Ilyena, but BOH reminds him who led a futile attack that tainted male magic and drove all male channelers mad, and who killed everyone in this castle. LTT howls again, and in his grief, can't bear to stay in his home.

Desperately he reached out to the True Source, to tainted saidin, and he Traveled.(10)

He lands in a vast plain, near a river, and can sense that there are no people for hundreds of leagues.

He was still touching saidin, the male half of the power that drove the universe, that turned the Wheel of Time, and he could feel the oily taint fouling its surface, the taint of the Shadow's counterstroke, the taint that doomed the world. Because of him. Because in his pride he had believed that men could match the Creator[.](11)

He channels more than any one person can bear, begging the Light's forgiveness, and creates a massive volcano that just keeps growing.

At last the wind died, the earth stilled to trembling mutters. Of Lews Therin Telamon, no sign remained. Where he had stood a mountain now rose miles into the sky, molten lava still gushing from its broken peak. The broad, straight river had been pushed into a curve away from the mountain, and there it split to form a long island in its midst. The shadow of the mountain almost reached the island; it lay dark across the land like the ominous hand of prophecy.(12)

BOH watches from some distance, saying LTT can't escape that easily, then disappears. Then two fragments of in-world texts, prophecies about the Dragon being reborn.

And the Shadow fell upon the Land, and the World was riven stone from stone. The oceans fled, and the mountains were swallowed up, and the nations were scattered to the eight corners of the World. The moon was as blood, and the sun was as ashes. The seas boiled, and the living envied the dead. All was shattered, and all but memory lost, and one memory above all others, of him who brought the Shadow and the Breaking of the World. And him they named Dragon.(13) (From Aleth nin Taerin alta Camora, The Breaking of the World. Author unknown, the Fourth Age) And it came to pass in those days, as it had come before and would come again, that the Dark lay heavy on the land and weighed down the hearts of men, and the green things failed, and hope died. And men cried out to the Creator, saying, O Light of the Heavens, Light of the World, let the Promised One be born of the mountain,(14) according to the prophecies, as he was in ages past and will be in ages to come. Let the Prince of the Morning sing to the land that green things will grow and the valleys give forth lambs. Let the arm of the Lord of the Dawn shelter us from the Dark, and the great sword of justice defend us.(15) Let the Dragon ride again on the winds of time. (From Charal Drianaan te Calamon, The Cycle of the Dragon. Author unknown, the Fourth Age)(16)

=====

(1) Yep, this is the titular wheel itself. I will list the icons on all chapters, particularly because the audiobook readers don't get any indication they exist, but I'm not going to try to post an image of each one every time it comes up. If you don't mind a list that gives away a few concepts that come up through the series, this page has all the images and a one or two word descriptor for each, without giving away where or how many times they're used going forward. I think they're a really interesting little game: what does each chapter icon mean, who or what does it refer to in the world, what might you be able to learn about the meaning of a chapter from the icon? Not necessarily for this one, but keep it in mind, and I might give it away for each one when it becomes clear what it's meant to be. (2) I believe it's fair to tell you it was magic, considering the detail in the introductory paragraph. Lightning down corridors, flames that chase, and stones that flow like liquid. Certainly no natural force we know of. (3) And as the text says she's his wife, wouldn't you be surprised to be magic-murdered by your husband? (4) It sure does. A circle in two halves, the sinuous line… it could almost be a yin-yang, except no mention of an eye or dot exchanged. Still, might be worth keeping this one in mind. (5) Always fun to try and interpret Very Important Capitalized Words in the context of a new world, isn't it? What could the Voice and the Singing be, that we're not used to? (6) Shai'tan, Satan, fairly straightforward. Also, get used to seeing taint because it comes up a LOT and we all like to giggle at it despite its horrifying nature. (7) Another two odd capitals in succession. (8) So, multiple powers are available. (9) Part of the setup, or perhaps conceit, of this world is that time is utterly cyclical. Exact events may not repeat, but the broad strokes will. We don't know how long the cycle is, but this guy seems convinced that it's been cycling a very, very long time. (10) A lot of information and word-dropping here. I think it's safe to say, the True Source is one of many names given to the magic in this world, along with others we'll see along the way. Traveling is fairly self-explanatory, going from one place to another with magic. Saidin is the name for the male half of the source, which was tainted when…

(11) OK, contextualizing what information is here: LTT led the Hundred Companions against the Lord of the Dark (whoever or whatever that is) trying to win the long and wretched war that lay behind them. Instead, they failed, and the DO tainted the male half of the power so that anyone who channels it will go mad, and do little things like kill their loved ones. This isn't your typical "mental illness" sort of mad, but a literal corruption of sanity and body by magical influence directly from the antithesis of literal God. (12) The chapter-namer, Dragonmount, the Dragon's mountain. Born of his shame. Surely not a symbol of anything, nor will it ever come up in conversation again. (13) Funny, we were just told by someone who knew the Dragon that he earned that name before all that happened, since that's what was just beginning in this little prologue. Isn't it interesting how history can lose details in the twisting of time? (14) Hey look, a saying about being born on a mountain, when a very convenient one was just boomed into existence. (15) The other excerpt seemed to indicate that the Dragon was a bringer of death and chaos, but this one, if it's referring to the same man (which seems likely as they're both attached to the same prologue chapter), seems to frame him as an object of hope and protection. Both are given equal weight here. Again I say, it's funny how history, translation, time, and interpretation can shift our understanding. So, is the Dragon a man of destruction and chaos, or of protection and salvation? We have 15 books ahead of us, do you think it will be as simple as one or the other? (16) Also interesting (I'm gonna overuse that word a lot) that both these books are said to be from the Fourth Age. You'll see why literally in the first paragraph of chapter 1 so I don't feel bad saying it here.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Barry: wow (4x08)

I mean... "wow" seems like a pretty good word for it.

Cons:

Footage not found, honestly? This was more or less perfect television. The only shot I didn't like was the fade up on the clapping audience towards the end with Sally directing a high school production of Our Town. I think because we'd had a few very iconic, in-your-face shots leading up to it, and that one felt like it pushed over the edge for me, in openly acknowledging, I guess, the theatre of the whole thing? But that's the tiniest of nitpicks.

Pros:

Where to even begin? I think what I'll do is just run down the ultimate fates of the characters we most care about.

Fuches does this final act of services for Barry, absolving him of any wrongdoing in their relationship while doing the most redeeming thing he can in terms of his own role in the man Barry turns out to be. He rescues John for him. It's so interesting that they don't talk, they don't have any sort of final words with each other, and Fuches's final actions are to shoot and kill Hank, and then to pass Barry's son back off to him, a man that he has every reason to believe will just continue a cycle of violence. It's a gift that Fuches gives to Barry, but it's also a pretty bittersweet idea, if you think about it. But Fuches arguably gets the best ending of any character, in terms of escaping off into the dark of night to do who knows what else with the rest of his life. He doesn't seem to play a role in the film adaptation that we see, so he seems to have escaped his consequences.

Hank... I mean, watching him break down as he admits that he killed Cristobal, that final shot of him and the statue... Jesus Christ. Hank has been walking around without his heart for the past eight years, and Fuches forces him to admit the truth of that, then shoots him directly in his literal heart... it's just, it's horrifyingly beautiful. I was really fucked up by it if we're being honest. Hank also made only a very brief cameo appearance in what we saw of the movie, which just emphasizes how pointlessly tragic this story is (in a good way). Everything that Hank went through, all the pain of it, and it ultimately didn't even make the cut for the story of Barry and Cousineau. I love that we are thwarted from seeing any sort of final showdown between Barry and Hank, any final moment of reckoning. Because the truth is, Barry never gave a shit about Hank. Hank gave a shit about Barry for a while, but in the end, he only lured Barry to Sally and John in order to appease Fuches. I love how ultimately they were not really central to each other's stories.

Cousineau serving life in prison, being blamed for Janice's death, is the worse fate anybody in the entire show suffers, I think. It's poignantly pointless and terrible. His ego, his constant grasping for relevance, and at the end of the day he gets a movie made about him that paints him as the villain. He kills Barry not for attention but for pure and simple vengeance. But in doing so he kills the only chance he had to clear his own name, and for true justice for Janice to be found. Janice's father is never going to know or believe the full truth, and Cousineau is going to be remembered forever more as a murderer of not only a cop, but also a vulnerable, traumatized young man who asked him for his help.

Sally's ending is grim in a quieter sort of way. The fact that she never wanted to have a kid, that she didn't want the life she ended up with, has been clear to us these past few episodes. We start this one off with Sally just laying it all out there for John. Telling him they're fugitives, that Barry is a murderer, that Sally is too. She breaks into tears as she confesses that she's not a good person and she hasn't been a good mom. But after the shootout between Hank and Fuches's men, Sally calls for John, looking for him. And once she and Barry talk and she realizes that Barry isn't going to turn himself in, she leaves. And she takes her son with her.

We see her in a teaching role, working at a high school. It's unclear if she still yearns for glory, if she still feels herself reaching for something she'll never attain. The moment when John gets permission to have a sleepover at a friend's house really stuck out to me, because John says "I love you" to his mother, and she doesn't say it back, instead responding to ask him how the play was, seeking external validation for her talents. It paints the picture of a woman who is doing what she can to protect her child, but who never actually wanted motherhood, never mind single motherhood, to be thrust upon her.

And Barry...

Barry won, but he's dead so he doesn't know. Barry got that fantasy reputation, he got absolved of his sins as he requested from God, he got buried with full honors, he got lionized and glorified in film. He wanted to be an actor so he could shape the story of himself, and now somebody else has shaped it quite conveniently for him. That scene we saw of him sitting on the porch swing telling his son about his heroism in the war, that's what Barry was after. He was after someone, somewhere, telling him that he wasn't to blame for his own actions. The whole damn show, he ran from people who tried to tell him to own up. He tried to buy Cousineau's forgiveness, he exploited Sally's own shit to get what he wanted, which was a role as a family man with a wife and son.

And then Sally leaves him, taking John with him, and Barry has a moment where he says he'll turn himself in. It seems like he means it. We've seen him on the cusp of feeling full guilt and responsibility for what he's done in the past, but this is the real deal. And then he gets shot and killed by Gene Cousineau. He's remembered the way he wants to be remembered, but what does it matter?

God, the shot of Cousineau sitting down on his couch while dead Barry sits in the armchair... that was chilling. That's going to stick with me for a long time.

We get our final dose of... can you call it comedy? At the very end, as we watch John getting to see snippets of the movie made about his father's heroic life and tragic death at the hand of the villainous Gene Cousineau. It's a terrible, wooden movie full of god-awful writing and cheesy performances, bizarre and ridiculous and telling a story that bears no resemblance to reality, while using almost identical scene setups and scenarios in certain key spots, to drive home how the narrative was able to get twisted in such a way.

The best part, the most on-the-nose thing, was having Barry give the MacBeth speech in the movie. "Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." INDEED. That's indeed the whole damn thing, isn't it???

That shot of John smiling at the movie before it cuts to black is also going to haunt me. He is reassured by this. By his father the hero, his father the victim. Never the bad guy. Barry is immortalized in the very lack of accountability that he always sought, and now we have to wonder what John is walking away from this movie with. A belief that everything his father did was actually okay, because Hollywood tells him so? Potential future alienation from his mother, if Sally dares try to be honest about their past, as she was during that brief moment in which they were Hank's hostages? Ultimately, Barry leaving a son behind in his death was such an important thematic element in this show, because it makes us question which cycles might possibly be broken, and which will continue from here.

This is a brilliant episode of a brilliant show. I'm astounded.

10/10

And to wrap up my over-all feelings on Barry... honestly, this show doesn't really have any major missteps. The things I didn't love about it where personal preference things, mostly around the actual treatment of Hollywood, which sometimes felt like the Whole Point and I was missing something, and other times felt like set dressing I couldn't quite understand. This is a show about the narrative, about how we shape the stories (and lies) we tell to ourselves and to others. I think it succeeds on every possible front when it comes to exploring that theme, and the writing is incredible, the performances brilliant. This gets pretty damn close to a perfect score from me, y'all.

9.5/10