#I forget that some people are really weird about ages on this website | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

artemivsa · 1 year

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𝐆𝐔𝐓𝐒 (𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐎) 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.

sentence starters taken from olivia rodrigo's new album guts (2023). change pronouns as you see fit.

all-american bitch.

❛ i am light as a feather. ❜

❛ i'm as stiff as a board. ❜

❛ i pay attention to things that most people ignore. ❜

❛ i'm alright with the movies that make jokes 'bout senseless cruelty, that's for sure. ❜

❛ i feel for your every little issue, i know just what you mean. ❜

❛ i make light of the darkness. ❜

❛ i forgive and forget. ❜

❛ i know my age and i act like it. ❜

❛ got what you can't resist. ❜

❛ i got class and integrity just like a goddamn kennedy, i swear. ❜

❛ i'm a perfect all-american bitch. ❜

❛ i know my place and this is it. ❜

❛ i don't get angry when i'm pissed. ❜

❛ i'm an eternal optimist. ❜

❛ i'm grateful all the time. ❜

❛ i'm sexy and i'm kind. ❜

❛ i'm pretty when i cry. ❜

bad idea, right?

❛ haven't heard from you in a couple of months. ❜

❛ i'm out right now and i'm all fucked up. ❜

❛ you're calling my phone and you're all alone, i'm sensing some undertone. ❜

❛ i know we're done, i know we're through, but god, when i look at you. ❜

❛ i cannot hear my thoughts. ❜

❛ seeing you tonight, it's a bad idea, right? ❜

❛ fuck it, it's fine. ❜

❛ yes i know that he's my ex, but can't two people reconnect? ❜

❛ i only see him as a friend. ❜

❛ the biggest lie i ever said. ❜

❛ i just tripped and fell into his bed. ❜

❛ i know i should stop, but i can't. ❜

❛ i told my friends i was sleep but i never said where or in whose sheets. ❜

❛ i'm sure i've seen much hotter men, but i really can't remember when. ❜

vampire.

❛ hate to give the satisfaction asking how you're doing now. ❜

❛ how's the castle built on people you pretend to care about? ❜

❛ just what you wanted. look at you, cool guy, you got it. ❜

❛ i loved you truly, you gotta laugh at the stupidity. ❜

❛ i've made some real big mistakes, but you make the worst one look fine. ❜

❛ i should've known it was strange you only come out at night. ❜

❛ i used to think i was smart but you made me look so naive. ❜

❛ every girl i ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news. ❜

❛ you're so convincing, how do you lie without flinching? ❜

❛ you said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? you can't love anyone 'cause that would mean you had a heart. ❜

❛ i tried to help you out, now i know that i can't, 'cause how you think's the kind of thing i'll never understand. ❜

lacy.

❛ aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell? ❜

❛ did i ever tell you that i'm not doing well? ❜

❛ i linger all the time, watching, hidden in plain sight. ❜

❛ i see you everywhere, the sweetest torture one could bear. ❜

❛ i'm losing it lately. ❜

❛ i feel your compliments like bullets on skin. ❜

❛ well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist? ❜

❛ my stomach's all in knots. ❜

❛ you got the one thing that i want. ❜

❛ it's like you're made of angel dust. ❜

❛ you poison every little thing that i do. ❜

❛ i despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you. ❜

❛ i despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you. ❜

ballad of a homeschooled girl.

❛ cat got my tongue. ❜

❛ i don't think i get along with anyone. ❜

❛ i'm on the outside of the greatest inside joke. ❜

❛ i guess i should go, the party's done and i'm no fun, i know. ❜

❛ i told secrets i shouldn't tell. ❜

❛ i stumbled all over my words, i made it weird, i made it worse. ❜

❛ each time i step outside, it's social suicide. ❜

❛ it's social suicide. ❜

❛ searching 'how to start a conversation?' on a website. ❜

❛ i talked to this hot guy, swore i was his type. ❜

❛ everything i do is tragic. ❜

❛ oh god, what did i say? ❜

❛ don't let me out at night. ❜

making the bed.

❛ want it, so i got. did it, so it's done. ❜

❛ another conversation with nothing good to say. ❜

❛ i thought it, so i said it. ❜

❛ another day pretending i'm older than i am. ❜

❛ sometimes i feel like i don't wanna be where i am. ❜

❛ push away all the people who know me the best. ❜

❛ it's me who's been making the bed. ❜

❛ every good thing has turned into something i dread. ❜

❛ i'm playing the victim so well in my head. ❜

❛ they tell me that they love me like i'm some tourist attraction. ❜

❛ i got the things i wanted, it's just not what i imagined. ❜

logical.

❛ god, you're so good at what you do. ❜

❛ i'd put myself through hell for you. ❜

❛ hear all the rumors lately, that you always denied. ❜

❛ you convinced me, baby, it was all in my mind. ❜

❛ now you got me thinking two plus two equals five, and i'm the love of your life. ❜

❛ love is never logical. ❜

❛ you built a giant castle with walls so high i couldn't see. ❜

❛ i'm sure that girl is really your friend. ❜

❛ said i was too young, i was too soft. ❜

❛ i know i'm half responsible and that makes me feel horrible. ❜

❛ i could've stopped it all. god, why didn't i stop it all? ❜

get him back!

❛ i met a guy in the summer and i left him in the spring. ❜

❛ he said he's 6'2 and i'm like, dude, nice try. ❜

❛ i miss him some nights. ❜

❛ do i love him? do i hate him? i guess it's up and down. ❜

❛ i wanna get him back, i wanna make him real jealous, wanna make him feel bad. ❜

❛ i really miss him and it makes me real sad. ❜

❛ i want sweet revenge and i want him again. ❜

❛ i miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh. ❜

❛ i wanna kiss his face with an uppercut. ❜

❛ i wanna meet his mom just to tell her her son sucks. ❜

❛ i'm gonna get him so good, he's not even gonna know what hit him. ❜

love is embarrassing.

❛ i told my friends you were the one after i'd known you, like, a month. ❜

❛ god, love's fucking embarrassing. ❜

❛ i consoled you while you cried over you ex-girlfriend's new guy. ❜

❛ my god, how could i be so stupid? ❜

❛ i give up everything. ❜

❛ i placed my bets and it's not worth anything. ❜

❛ i'm planning out my wedding with some guy i'm never marrying. ❜

the grudge.

❛ one phone call from you and my entire world was changed. ❜

❛ took everything i loved and crushed it in between your fingers. ❜

❛ i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did, but i hold on to every detail like my life depends on it. ❜

❛ my undying love, now, i hold it like a grudge. ❜

❛ i hear your voice every time i think i'm not enough. ❜

❛ i try to be tough, but i wanna scream. ❜

❛ how could anyone do the things you did so easily? ❜

❛ it takes strength to forgive, but i don't feel strong. ❜

❛ i try to understand why you would do this all to me. ❜

❛ do you think i deserved it all? ❜

❛ you built me up to watch me fall. ❜

❛ you have everything and you still want more. ❜

#rp sentence starters #rp inbox meme #sentence prompts #ask meme #sentence starter prompts #dialogue prompts #inbox meme #indie rp #indie rph #rp prompts

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aspiffygoat · 1 year

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I love your art. sorry if you've been asked this before but do you have any advice for someone who's just getting into art. I know there isn't some magic ritual to draw good but some advice on where to start would be appreciated

Here is my personal advice as someone who has done furry commission work for about 4 years. I consider the following to be highly essential information that I think about to this day: 1: Don't forget to have fun and be yourself! 2: Keep your room clean and try to sleep well. It goes a long way! 3: Get a password manager. You're gonna need it for all the accounts you will be making. Bitwarden and KeepassXC are good. 4: Backup all your stuff on either an external hard drive, cloud, usb storage, etc. Backup your password manager info too. 5: Name your files thoughtfully and keep everything sorted. 6: Try to draw every day. A 5 second doodle counts! 7: Do not compare your skill level, popularity, and age with other artists. All that does is inflict damage to yourself. 8: Don't worry about originality or "cringe." None of that matters. Don't be ashamed of your fetish, either. 9: Engaging with drama, callout culture, and policing people is bad for you. It doesn't really do much besides make enemies. 10: Put your art on different websites! You never know when a platform decides to fall apart. 11: Don't draw for clout. Draw what you want. You'll be way happier in the long run. 12: Sometimes you'll get a weird dm or a rude comment. Such is life. I highly recommend finding a healthy way to handle it. 13: RESEARCH!!!!!!! Look for references! Study anatomy, color, composition, plants, animals, poses, anything. If you see anything and think "woah that looks cool!" STUDY IT!!!! Knowledge will always help you!!! 14: Don't think too much about your art style. It develops eventually and even then it's something that constantly changes.

#art advice #ask

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papirouge · 9 months

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There’s something about every alpha masculinity account that screams “fed” to me. I really think these account are fake and ran by the fbi to monitor men online and who would be likely to commit mass violence. Other times it’s bots.

But really, look at how they cry about how men are gods on earth for women to forcibly worship them (idolatry God will strike down every man who calls himself the lord) and the need to protect children from leftist but will welcome Kevin spacey and man who preyed upon children openly all because they don’t believe in “cancel culture” unless it’s them. This is such a insidious agenda happening and it requires a lot of attention from Christians to avoid this.

That's an interesting theory

I also heart the one saying that the incel movement was incepted by old scrote trying to make younger men look as stupid & insane as possible so that women of their age be repulsed by them and instead consider dating older men on the basis they won't be as unhinged. It would make sense if older redpiller weren't as much demented as the younger ones. And it's not like they were good concealing their "opinions" those scrote are unable to have a normam conversation with a women not involving sex, breeding, female's "role" or some other redpill bs

These old scrote are much more cunning and calculating than they will admit. Andrew Tate proudly admits he has no issue lying and deceptive tactics with the girls he's trafficking so why his fans think he wouldn't do the same to them? 🤔

Now to come back to your theory, I definitely think the redpill movement is indeed a psy-op to divide society. What irks me so bad is that so called 'free thinker' media wil have no issue seeing this when it comes to race, and call the BLM movement "divisive" and breeding hate among society, but will say absolutely nothing about redpiller and their visceral hate against women. I'm thinking about Vigilant Citizen especially.. it's been a while I realized dude was shady but I realized he was definitely full of shit when he made an entire article to dunk on Barbie and its feminist propaganda that will destroy society🙄 (btw I didn't forget he never approved my comment on that article calling him out lmao Mind you, he's one of those whiny people asking for more fReEdoM oF sPeEch/truthers are cEnsOreD, but is unable to apply that freedom of speech on his own website🤡). Meanwhile he has yet to address the redpill movement and the well documented femicide attacks/shootings perpetuated by men who explicitly expressed their hatred against women. Is that enough to finally call the redpiller/mra movement "divisive" too?

VC loves making articles pointing out the occult symbolism anywhere he can, so...why didn't he say shit about Andrew Tate Russian guru who happens to be a black warlock? Or Tate xitter handle being COBRA Tate? If you look into it, dude has whole thing going on with snakes... What about his weird triangular hand symbol too. VC would've a field day making an article developing the theory that Tate is actually a plant seeking to breed chaos and gender wars - it would have made a lot of sense bc there's a lot of shady shit going on with Tate and how he's being wk'ed by the Conservative right when he's a British pimp living in Romania. Also wasn't his dad CIA? Reaaal shady shit going on... But VC won't cover that shit bc he's of his bias.. but don't worry he'll make a 567th article about celebrities hiding one eye and the awful LBGT+ propaganda because lf *checks notes* rainbow on a note book🙃

You'd think the way these people talk about feminism women were out there turning society upside down, hounding & harassing men....but nope. IDK for being so dangerous & radical, feminists seem to be very quiet 🤔 there's a reason those men have to look into movies and video games to claim oppression. The so called oppression they get from women doesn't translate IRL.

#answered

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persephoneslounge · 1 year

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Social Media Tried to Paint Me as Just an Astrologer: I’m Literally an Artist, Babe

Wednesday Journal Entry, Week 32

Earlier I was watching the movie Divergent, and it got me thinking about my own life, and how if I were to live in that type of society, divided by factions, I would have been just like Beatrice, or Tris- divergent. A rebel. An embarrassment. Someone who has the audacity to not belong, because my mind simply isn’t wired in one direction. The younger me would’ve tried to do what she did, blend and fit in in order to please and pander to the masses. In the scene where she picks Dauntless at the Choosing Ceremony, I think of all the times I did something just to appease others, to not rock the boat, and ensure peace was maintained.

Luckily I’m not that young anymore. I’m thirty, the age where you give less of a shit what society teaches you, or at least, you get better at pretending just enough that people have no choice but to stop telling you what to do. And if they try, you get ready for war.

A few months ago, I took a break from doing readings, and now it’s about time I finally express why that is. Part of it is because like Tris, I’m not just an astrologer. Never have been, never will be just that. Because the best way to be a success is by being as authentic as possible. I don’t regret doing readings at all- in fact, I just put the services page back on my website, but right now, it’s necessary to speak my truth.

It all started back in 2019, when my life basically fell apart. The year prior, my ex and I broke up. He was toxic and abusive so it was a painful but very necessary decision. Fast forward to me and my dog living in a shelter, lost, no job, and just processing the fact that I wasn’t able to get the funding to direct my first feature film. I was devastated, having always been a passionate artist. Life couldn’t get any worse. I was also experiencing my second nodal opposition. The nodal opposition is basically when the transit North Node is in the sign of your natal South Node, and during this period, themes from the past come up before you can really move forward.

In my case, my South Node is in the eleventh house, which has to do with networking, social circles, and friendships. Being surrounded by people had always felt like a happy place, till it eventually gave me resentments. Friendships have often been fleeting and despite knowing a lot of people, only a handful really know me. On social media, anytime I’d join a group, at some point there would be conflicting values that caused me to eventually leave the group altogether. I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I could even be in a room full of people and still feel invisible.

Growing up, I studied in a French-speaking elementary school, where 99% of the students were children of immigrants, which means I had friends from anywhere and everywhere. Often there were fights with the nearby English-speaking high school, so not only was there a lot of racism, there was also the language conflict that Quebec is infamous for. And being bilingual, I also didn’t fit in anywhere. Because the problem with humans is they love keeping people in categories, so in order to survive as a child, you learn how to mask and adapt, but people sniff you out eventually. They always do. It’s a survival instinct from way back where people would do this to sniff out enemies in tribes. Masks only work for so long. Eventually you slip up by going against one of their unspoken rules or forget an important social cue, and you’re back to being that kid in the corner again.

I don’t miss my childhood.

During my stay in a shelter, I met a lot of amazing people and spent time writing a memoir about my time there. In a weird way, I found myself. It felt like I could do whatever I want, because I had little to lose. I began writing more on my blog and even slowly started looking at people’s charts anytime they wanted some fast insight. Finally a fated moment came where I published two articles on Medium that changed the course of my path. One about the eighth house and the other about moon in Capricorn. A friend sent me a screenshot from a group he was in to let me know an article of mine had been shared. According to my stats, thousands of people had seen my blog. I was walking on air. After years of being a writer, my hard work began paying off.

Meanwhile, on another Facebook group that I used to moderate, they made me an approved reader, so I decided to start offering services, as a way to expand my skills as an astrologer and to also make extra money, since at that point I was still looking for work. In June 2020, several months into the pandemic, the tables turned: I went from living in a shelter to being a staff member in one and not long after, got my own apartment.

For about the next year, I felt like I reached the pinnacle of success. I was doing readings while balancing a job that I loved. I would also post astrology-related memes on Facebook and Instagram and it gave me joy because other people found joy in those memes. After awhile, I remembered that I also write poetry and movies and went back to sharing more of that content. Crickets.

And it’s not that people who followed me didn’t like my poetry or films- not that it should matter, because what really matters is whether I’m being true to myself- the problem is the social media algorithm. I wish someone had told me this a few years ago, but the more you post a certain kind of content, the more social media classifies your account under a certain theme. Seems logical right? After all, if someone mostly shares workout videos, they’re account is classified as workout page; If someone mostly shares music, then they’re classified as a music page. However, what about the jack-of-all-trades like me who has several passions?

I can’t stress enough how close I was to throwing the baby with the bathwater. Because social media, especially Instagram and Tiktok, got so familiar with my work in astrology, anytime I’d share something unrelated, I felt invisible, insignificant, like somehow I was a one-trick pony and that’s all people wanted. In reality, it didn’t really matter according to my stats, people did want that from me. The problem really was the algorithm. It’s almost as if some invisible hand came along and tried to fit me in a box that I never agreed to being put in, and now I was being made to choose between astrology and my art.

My first reaction was to freeze and not post at all. My second reaction was to consider giving up astrology or at least, put it in the background, but even when I talk about a favorite movie or TV show, somehow astrology is always referenced. I’ll try to guess the characters zodiac signs or spend time looking at what in an actor’s birth chart gave them the ability to play their role so well. I just couldn’t help it. It was like choosing between eating and drinking, we need both to survive. I needed both art and astrology.

To be honest, if there’s one thing that held me back for awhile, it was seeing how many famous artists started out in one genre, only to cave in to what’s popular. Avril Lavigne started out as a rocker chick, and then recorded “Girlfriend”. Lady Gaga is originally a jazz singer but become known in pop, and yet ironically, even her pop songs don’t fit any genre. No matter how much some people wnet to great lengths to box her in, she came out on top. Then you have Pink who went against her former producer LA Reed just so he could grant her permission to co-write songs with Linda Perry, because she was more interested in making music that’s personal than being just another pop/RNB girl.

I also think my main problem is that I used to care a bit too much what other people think, because remember, my South Node is in the eleventh house (a.k.a. other people). Yet all my favorite celebrities are the ones who provoke, who make people think and make them angry. Sometimes I’d catch myself not wanting to post a video or share an article or poem, out of fear that it might “offend” someone, or that people will decide to unfollow me if I share something different. I’ve seen it happen a few times, my viewership would decrease if I didn’t post more of the usual content pr for sharing related to politics, but at some point, you have to choose between doing what makes you happy and doing what makes you likeable.

And trust me, as the girl who got bullied throughout elementary and high school, I’m used to not having some people like me. After being rejected so many times, it gets to the point where you realize that really, the only approval you ever need is your own. That’s not coming from a perspective of arrogance, it’s coming from learning tough lesson after lesson. The most important person to support your work is you, regardless of how many others cheer it on.

What the algorithm doesn’t realize is that my North Node is in the fifth house, which has to do with creativity, passion and self-love, which means that I wasn’t put on this planet to be defined or understood. I was put here to be happy. I was put here to make art in every way imaginable, whether it’s through writing, film, astrology- even if it doesn’t always make sense to everyone else.

I also think that social media has a huge problem with niches. While a niche can seem like a good thing, it limits self-expression and prevents people from posting out of fear that no one will see your work anymore. Recently, I had a bone to pick with Tiktok, because anytime I’d share a video with one of my poems, it wouldn’t get more than fifty views, yet if I shared something related to spirituality, it would get hundreds of views. And it wasn’t just me. A friend of mine said she couldn’t see my videos unless she looked up my name. I was livid. It’s almost like in an indirect way, social media has really been trying to insist that I’m not a writer, storyteller, filmmaker and astrologer, that I’m just an astrologer, and that it’ll punish me for being out of line.

I recently deactivated my Tiktok and have barely been on Insta, and whether I start posting there again in the future, I still have my own platform Persephone’s Forum that got launched in late February. And for what it’s worth, at least on there, you’re not expected to fake it till you make it.

And luckily, that kind of mind game doesn’t work on a stubborn Taurus like me, since I’m gonna have my cake and eat it, too. The more you tell me not to do something, the more I’ll want to do it. Slowly, I found a way to somehow merge both, by going into my vault of poetry and finding pieces that reference the stars. I also have to keep in mind that there are many creators like Dossevia who do both art and astrology, and finally understand that there’s no reason to go against my truth in order to get seen. I also think that the worst thing you can do is take social media seriously, it’s really just a game of numbers and not to mention, Tiktok recently admitted that their staff can choose who goes viral.

Despite the fact that we live in a society that tries to put people into boxes, the ones who become successful are those who break those boxes, those who break the boundaries. No one would’ve remembered Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho if he had changed the movie to suit the studios, and no one would care for Pink or Lady Gaga if they only recorded what the labels want. As the saying goes, “Well behaved women rarely make history.” Do I really sound like the kind of person who behaves?

Karina

To get a reading or learn about my other projects, scroll to the menu. If you haven’t already, sign up at my new social media site Persephone’s Forum.

If you enjoyed this, you may want to read If You Love Art, Astrology, or Just Need a Different Platform, Check Out my New Website, as well as Don’t Feel Bad for Not Going Viral, Tiktok Staff Admit Social Media is Rigged, and The Secret Life of the Bilingual Canadian

youtube

#divergent #ya novels #learning astrology #mental health #autism #neurodiverse artist #movies #astrology #bullying #be yourself #Youtube

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free--therapy · 10 months

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It's anon!

I'm really sorry for bothering you so much but if you don't mind, I'd like to ask your take on something. Of course, is this makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to ignore this!

I know I've mentioned how I have trouble dealing with thoughts many times especially when it comes to rationalising. Like which thoughts are worth engaging with and which ones I should just observe but let go of, etc.

My therapist from two years ago gave me an example which I still remember. Some thoughts are like normally dressed people in a bus you're in. They blend in so you don't notice them. Some are like sparkly dressed people so you notice them but they're about nice things so you mostly like them. Then some thoughts are like monsters entering the bus. You absolutely notice them and might get a bit scared initially too but if you let them be instead of trying to fight them, you eventually realise they never were scary to begin with, they're just a false alarm. With time, you'll learn to let them pass like any other thoughts despite them looking different.

I've also heard the cloud analogy. Like some thoughts could be like white clouds but some might be darker due to the content but they're all just thoughts in the end, so we can let them all pass and treat them the same because they are still thoughts in the end.

What do you think about these examples? Do you think it applies to all thoughts? I mean, I'm confused as to what "letting them be" or "letting them pass" means. Does that mean I do nothing and eventually I'll realise I'm okay? Or do some thoughts need to be rationalised? If so, which ones?

Because many of my thoughts are just about a lot of weird topics and the more I get into them, the more worse they keep getting.

Like for thoughts like "you don't deserve any love" I can remind myself of reasons I do. But some other thoughts really do seem like they'd be better observed from a distance and let go of without too much entanglement.

And example of this would be:

-> I started worrying about the h*ntai manga I had read with minors/underage children in it. It started when I saw a post on a social media site about the person talking about how gross the people who read those are and that they should be in jail and stuff and some people were supporting the person.

I started wondering if I'd done a horrible thing because I had never really applied or thought about it from a moral standpoint. For me, it was just something I accidentally came across once and read out of curiosity and thought "woah that's crazy" and just somehow ended up reading those kinds of manga sometimes but never really took it seriously. It's a casual thing and I know very clearly it's something that should never be supported or replicated in real life.

But since I've been watching anime and reading manga from a very young age, I'd been desensitised to a lot of stuff so I never bring my morality when I read/watch any of that stuff especially when it comes to h*ntai because ofc I can't take it seriously. So the thought that it "could be gross" never even crossed my mind tbh.

I never took it seriously so I never even thought something like "what does reading this make me" because I knew it didn't make me anything. In fact, like if I did open any manga of that sort on some website, I'd just mindlessly scroll and close it after it ends and completely forget about it.

I mean, when it comes to actual anime or manga that I love in a more serious genuine way or those I'm attached to (like Detective Conan for example), I would spend my free time watching clips of it, listening to songs or osts of that anime or even watching the voice actors and stuff. You know...like.... actually engage with the series. But when it comes to h*ntai of any sort, I never really had any time where I closed it and still thought about it later because I've always been clear it's not something that I love or like in that way. Same with the aforementioned h*ntai genre manga too.

I'm not saying I support it but I can't bring myself to judge those who do read it sometimes because I know I have too and as long as we don't take it seriously, I guess it's whatever. Or at least, it's not something to tell someone something like "you should kill yourself for reading this" and I'm not kidding. I have seen people say that to those who didn't really mind reading it since it's fictional.

I just think asking someone to kill themselves or telling them to die or saying sort of mean stuff to them and bullying people online for doing something is so harsh. Maybe I'm weird for thinking that or maybe I feel like that because I don't want to be judged for things I've done.

But after reading people speak against it on twitter and that added with my anxiety thing, it just set off this whole situation since two years ago where I started overthinking a lot about that whole thing.

Anyway so since then, I've had many kinds of thoughts and this is how I more or less rationalise:

-> I started overthinking things like "omg does that make me a ped*phile after reading that sort of stuff"

I rationalised it by reminding myself that just because I watched something doesn't mean I am that thing. Especially since I've never ever had those kinds of interests or thoughts in real life before.

-> Then I started overthinking if it makes me a bad gross person who doesn't deserve love or nice things or kindness from other people in the fandom or even people in real life.

I rationalised this by reminding myself that something so small, that was never even something I considered or thought about in my free time can't determine what I deserve and what I not.

-> Then I started worrying things like "If these people who are nice to me on the internet knew about this, would they still treat me nicely? Most probably they wouldn't. So should I be engaging or interacting with them? Am I being selfish by interacting with them without them knowing I watched that? Do I owe them an apology or explanation or at least the truth?" Etc.

I rationalised this by reminding myself that everyone has their own sets of morals and values and something that is okay with someone might be a topic that someone else hates. That doesn't mean we all need to go apologising or explaining or telling others about things I've read or watched. If they ever ask me seriously then I would but otherwise, there is no need. I don't need to feel guilty about interacting with others just because of this.

(But honestly, I still struggle with this worry thought)

-> Then I started overthinking if there exists a pattern in what I read. Like if there were minors especially guys and adult women in those manga then does that mean it says something about me? Does it mean that subconsciously I was putting myself in the woman's place or something? Was I subconsciously relating to it? Was I subconsciously drawn to that type of demographic because I subconsciously was relating to it.

This is even now a very tough one for me. I know I almost never on purpose preferred that sort of thing and I know I never thought about relating to it because I never took it seriously at all. The only reason I read that demographic was because that was the first one I had come across so it kind of stuck to me. It's just that those ones were more crazy in a sense which is why I read them and I'm sure it never had anything to do with any character being a minor. Because I never really cared about the minor character (especially if it's the guy) to begin with. I never focused on that character either. As in, the characters being minors was never the reason I picked up the manga but rather the reason was more of "woah this one looks crazy judging by the cover" that's all honestly.

And honestly, I remember reading on a research website that when it comes to any sort of p*rn, the people watching/reading it usually will want to read more graphic or aggressive stuff over time which I believe very much is true. Because most of the "weird" stuff I've read or watched was when I was between 16 to 20 years of age and I know everytime I accidentally found something weird or ended up on the dark side of the p*rn related sites...just exposed me to stuff that I didn't even know existed honestly. But because of watching/reading that, I got more desensitised and I know even if I usually was reading something more "normal" while reading it I would many times want to read something more aggressive after.

Because apparently, the mind needs something new and/or more aggressive than whatever we previously consumed to bring out the same amount of satisfaction or dopamine. Apparently, this is common to most people when it comes to dopamine related habits.

Though to clarify I've never been addicted or obsessed with any kind of mature content or p*rn. Like back then when I was exposed to it first and watch or read it initially, even then I'm pretty sure I never was addicted to it. It was always sometimes thing. It wasn't something I would consume daily or every other day or even every three of four days or something.

So I believe I wasn't addicted or obsessed with any of it. That said, this is another one of my intrusive what if worries so my mind tries to convince me that I was 😭

Anyway, I'm sorry for the super long explanation 😭 I just wanted to show how everytime I rationalise one thought, another one about the same topic pops up and so on. And this is very frustrating and tiring especially since my mind makes me believe the thoughts are true or real. And I feel like I rationalise in the wrong way because it always just makes it worse it seems.

So I wanted to ask you if it's okay with you, can you give me an example or so about how you actually rationalise? Like if a thought comes, how would you rationalise? And then if another intrusive thought followed that one, how would you go about dealing with that one and so on? Like do you rationalise every single one? Or once you've reminded yourself of what you know is important, do you let all other thoughts just pass? Like....how do I rationalise without getting too entangled with the thought? Especially when it comes to thoughts about topics like these.

Thank you for reading! I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable, if I did, I'm really sorry honestly. Also, sorry for asking so many questions 😭

I like those analogies!

To me, it just means letting those thoughts be. A lot of the time we feel the need to entertain every thought we have, but you can honestly just have a thought and not react to it. Sometimes even now when life gets tough for me, I'll observe my mind going into old unhelpful patterns of trying to say mean things to myself and I'll either just laugh at myself or just say something like, "well that's not going to work for me," or "I know I don't actually mean that or believe that, but I'm still allowed to think this negative thought and not have to do anything about it." I've gotten to a point where I've become so self-aware of my thoughts that I just laugh at my mind's attempt to try the old things I used to do to try and make me feel bad. It's funny how we can resort to those things again. Really, it's just about getting to a point where you can stop yourself in the moment, recognize that you're having a thought as a reaction to something that's happening (usually something you don't like), and then just choose to not act on it or to not let it bother you because you know it's just a thought and it's likely not rooted in any fact. Hopefully that makes sense.

For that specific example you gave about your worry about the manga you read before, I wouldn't let what that person said to hold power over you. You know by now that it was something you were ignorant of at the time and it's not something that you're interested in anymore, so there's no reason to worry about what they say. Of course there will always be people who agree and disagree with what people say, but these are strangers on the internet who don't know who you are and what you've been through. For all you know, maybe they enjoyed it at some point too until they found out it was wrong and now they hold such a strong view against it because they're ashamed of their past of enjoying it too. You really never know where people are coming from on the internet and it's best not to let their opinions make you feel ashamed.

You have to remember that it's so easy to hide yourself on the internet. Lots of people are way more bold because they can hide behind a screen and their anonymity. Everyone has something in their past or even current time that they are likely holding shame from. The thing is, no one ever shares that kind of stuff because, like you, they fear rejection from others if they ever found out. You're not alone with that.

Yes, this is correct! And p*rn is incredibly damaging to the brain because of this, but that is a whole other conversation.

So I wanted to ask you if it's okay with you, can you give me an example or so about how you actually rationalise? Like if a thought comes, how would you rationalise? And then if another intrusive thought followed that one, how would you go about dealing with that one and so on? Like do you rationalise every single one? Or once you've reminded yourself of what you know is important, do you let all other thoughts just pass? Like….how do I rationalise without getting too entangled with the thought? Especially when it comes to thoughts about topics like these.

I'm trying to think of something that comes up for me a lot or would used to come up for me a lot when I was struggling through my anxiety and depression. I remember that a lot of my worries would stem from my core beliefs of fear of abandonment/rejection, but I guess I can admit that I still deal with some of that still even today. I think the fact that I know where a lot of my beliefs come from definitely helps with rationalizing my thoughts because then at least I can point out to myself that the thoughts I'm having are because I'm still dealing with the core beliefs.

Let's say I make plans with a friend and I'm really looking forward to it and then the cancel on me. My immediate thoughts would usually go to things like "oh, they must not want to hang out with me. no one likes me, there's something wrong with me, I'm a loser, I have no friends, etc, etc." I would then rationalize that by saying "That's not true, you're not a loser and you do have friends. They probably had something more important come up that they needed to take care of." (if they didn't give me an exact reason why or said they weren't feeling well) "There's always next time. This isn't a reflection of my worth or character, sometimes other people have other obligations, or maybe they really aren't feeling 100% up to hanging out with me, but not because they don't like me. Maybe they had a hard day, etc." I try to turn it around to something more positive instead of making it all about me or my character as a person. It's so easy to blame ourselves for these types of things.

I don't know if this was a good example, so I apologize.

Usually my thought process goes along the lines of immediately not believing myself or the negative thoughts and asking myself why I think that or telling myself that it's not true or that I don't know that's going to happen for sure, so there's no use worrying about something I have no way to control. I'm still guilty of using the cognitive distortion of jumping to conclusions/fortune-telling and catastrophizing so that's when I'll tell myself, "you don't know if that's going to happen or if it'll happen that way," or "you're probably blowing this out of proportion and will be wrong" to combat those sort of thoughts.

In your case, I think a lot of your worries stem from a fear of rejection or a fear of being seen as a "bad" person because you were probably taught to believe in the concept of perfection, so when you look at other people, you are more forgiving of them because they seem "perfect" in your eyes, when they're really just as human as you are :)

#ask #answered #anon #rumination #overthinking #anxiety #anxious thoughts

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mkextra · 2 years

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It’s kind of nice knowing nobody I know is on here anymore. I like getting back to the void-yelling, indulgent, purgative experience of the internet more than having to be careful bc my family is relentless about following me on socmed.

The biggest changes in my life since 2018 when I last used tumblr are very few. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer, but he’s still alive and mostly well. I dropped out of grad school, which was definitely one of the better decisions I’ve made for my mental health. I got my first gray hairs after taking in my younger sibling (which was a year of pretty much constant heart-attack-level stress, but they’re doing so well now). I got diagnosed with autism, which has been a weird experience (but scrolling back through my tumblr… not entirely surprising). I got a job after being unemployed for a whole year (which sucked) after losing my job at the library bc my contract expired after I lost student status (which also sucked but slightly less than being unemployed). I do legal transcription now, which is actually pretty decent if you’re a hyperlexic cave creature who likes eavesdropping, being alone, and grammar (in that order).

I used to think I’d end up getting big on some website or another, but in all the time I’ve used the internet my biggest hits are usually random comments anyway. Now I’m more relieved than disappointed that I never had a big following bc WOW does that not work out for people. I don’t know why I’m writing all of this down, but I’ve been thinking lately about how I don’t take photos or videos consistently even though I spend way too much time on social media. I don’t journal, either, or even really write, which is why my poetry habit is pretty withered.

I’ll probably forget about this and post something similar in another four years thinking, “Oh, how novel. I’ll try something I haven’t tried before,” even though it’s the same thing I’ve done many, many times before. This is mostly due to extremely selective memory and difficulty forming habits, but also because maybe that’s just how the record of my life is grooved. Same scratch, different part of the album; same distortion, different background noise.

I think the preoccupation is that I want to connect with people so badly, but I also can’t stand the actual logistics of maintaining those connections. Making the connection in the first place is like… wow. And then the middle part goes on forever until it’s the last part, the end part, and that’s the one that’s always on my mind. How am I going to lose this person? Is it going to be painful? (It always is.) I don’t have any big point to make about that, which is also why it’s something that I return to over and over again. That’s just how it is (it sucks) and then it’s not.

Also, I think it’s pretty fucked up how I save all my actual ruminations for when I’m not being witnessed (if someone is witnessing this, no you’re not). I used to want to be a writer. Now, I just want to be like… 30% mostly content more than 0% of the time. I think that means I won’t have the life I imagined I would when I was 18, but even then I mostly imagined it ending abruptly, so maybe I’m on the right track after all.

Idfk. Do your best to turn as many ages as possible, imaginary audience of people. It isn’t awesome, but it’s also not unsurvivably awful most of the time. I need to actually do some work now. I love you all. Drive safe.

#personal #text post #journaling?#I forgot how to use tags for Comedy #but instead I will hide a secret here #I think my biggest fear isn’t being known #it’s being known to my core and still being misunderstood #Spotify

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losthomunculus · 3 years

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Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

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Million Dollar Man | Chapter Four

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, discussion of previous sexual relationships with older men (big age gaps), kink talks, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), fingering, 69ing... its really dirty i hope i got it all

word count: 3.8k

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and Saturdays

Chapter Four | Masterlist

Waking up beside Spencer is an absolute blessing, he is the most tender and loving man in the whole world and she’s never going to get enough of him. He snuggles so tight, he holds her just right and he’s just big enough that she fits against him like she’s always supposed to have been there.

Her alarm goes off at 10:30 and he doesn’t even budge, she struggles to get out of his grasp to turn it off before he just pulls her right back in.

“I could get used to this,” she coo’s as she relaxes back into his embrace.

He kisses the back of her neck and one of his hands cups her breast. He runs his nose along her skin as he takes it all in, “I can come back every night.”

“Okay,” she smiles at the thought. “Are you coming with me to Brookfield today?”

He hums, “I have something to pick up first but I’ll be back to pick you up.”

“Do you want to meet Craig?” She asks nervously, knowing he knows.

“I’m not sure,” he’s honest. “It’s weird thinking he’s slept with you and he has a thing for my mother.”

“As weird as it was, I don’t regret it, he was really lonely after Patsy died and hadn’t slept with anyone in years,” she explains it again to him, it’s easier than the first time.

“I’m not judging you,” he whispers before kissing her again.

“I know,” she rolls over while still in his grip, pressing her chest against his and kissing him quickly before remembering her own rule, “pretend it’s still dark out.”

He laughs, “was he at least good to you?”

“Are you really asking me if the old man I fucked was good in bed?” She rolls her eyes with a laugh, “it was fine, I was used to just laying there and taking it back then.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes for her past experiences knowing he can change them and that she's content with them, “can I make it up to you?”

“It's not my birthday,” she teases him once more.

“Then why are you in your birthday suit?” He kisses her neck as her back arches, giving him the access to do whatever he pleased.

This was her favourite part of sleeping with him, he was handsy and he kissed everywhere. He was so tentative, he was gentile and sensual and she loved him. The way he kissed her body, his hands on her back as she arched, grinding against him as his leg slipped between hers.

“Daddy?” She’s already breathless as she anticipates whatever he’s going to do to her.

He hums, “what baby?”

“Can we try something?” She looks at him with puppy dog eyes, wanting more of him and knowing exactly how to get it.

“What?” He looks from her eyes to her lips and back.

She smirks, “lay back?”

He does as she asks and she makes a quick move to straddle him, reverse cowgirl, and it makes him gasp. He hooks his arms under her legs and pulls her hips towards his face as she grips his cock at the base.

She’s never done this before, excited to finally experience her two favourite things at once, with her favourite person. Taking him in one go down her throat as far as she can, he moans against her thigh as he works his way towards her dripping core.

He pulls her in closer, burying his tongue inside of her as she swirls her tongue around the head of his cock, stroking what doesn’t fit in her mouth. She moans around him as he sucks her clit into his mouth. When he slides a finger into her, she gasps as she runs her tongue along the shaft, “more please, daddy?”

He adds a second finger and curls it with each thrust, she strokes him in time with his fingers rubbing her tongue on the slit, pushing him closer and closer and closer until he’s moaning into her cunt as he finger fucks her relentlessly.

She cums on his face with a quake, her whole body shaking as she sucks one of his balls into her mouth and keeps jerking him. He cums over her hand then, finally releasing her clit from his mouth, they both sigh as they come down from their highs.

She rolls off him, feet on her pillow and hand cupping her own breast as she tries to catch her breath, “yeah, I can get used to waking up next to you.”

—

“Bullshit!”

Y/N reaches for the apparent 3 4’s that Craig dropped in the pile, filling them to see he was indeed truthful and handing them to Diana. “You’re slacking today.”

“I do so much better when I don’t know who he is,” Diana smirks as she takes the cards.

“Speaking of,” she smiles to herself as she looks through her own cards, “your son, Spencer, is coming to see you today.”

“How do you know that?”

“I might be dating Spencer,” she scrunches her face in anticipation of her reaction.

“Really?”

She nods, a smile building on her face as she starts to feel a bit flustered, “yeah, I met him last year and we’ve been friends for a while but it’s getting serious, so I thought I’d tell you.”

She’s quiet as she thinks about it and Y/N’s anxiety goes to full blast, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” Diana asks.

“For not telling you and pretending I don’t know him,” she's quick with her response. “He knows we know each other from your notes but we didn’t talk about it until last night, I feel so bad keeping that from you but I've known him the whole time.”

“I was going to introduce you to each other in the hopes you would take care of him, you’re wonderful and he needs someone who he doesn’t have to look after. I’ve thought you would be good for him for quite a while actually,” Diana compliments her with a smile. “Try calling bullshit on that.”

It makes her laugh, leaning over into Diana’s space as she wrapped her arms around Y/N, “well as good as I am to him, he’s even better to me.”

Holding Diana was nice, she missed her moms so much that it was a good substitute until she saw her own again.

“How did you meet?”

Y/N pulls back with a stutter, “uh, well we met online actually and he took me to dinner and we got to talking and we’ve been really good friends for a while, he uh, he’s the reason I’m getting my book published.”

“Really?” She blinks a few times the way Spencer does when he tries to absorb information.

She wasn’t dumb, she knew her son had money and he was a lot older than her and that meeting on the internet isn’t as innocent as it sounds.

“He’s my best friend.”

She smiles again, “that’s the key to a successful relationship.”

Craig was quiet the whole time, staring at his cards and drinking his water while they talked. “For what it’s worth,” he adds, “I think he’s lucky to have you, you’re a good woman.”

Y/N’s so busy looking at Craig with a smile that she doesn’t notice Spencer walk-in or the way Diana gleams at him. He walks up behind her and rests his chin on her shoulder, “Hey, pretty woman.”

She jumps slightly before laughing, he wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek quickly, “hey mom,” he makes his way from Y/N to Diana.

Hugging her quickly before coming to sit beside Y/N again, he notices Craig too and waves, “nice to meet you as well, sir.”

She analyzes his face as he looks at Craig, worried that he’s going to go full alpha male and start a fight or something crazy like her old boyfriends would. But he smiles and he’s calm, he holds her hand and they play another few rounds of cards and it's like they’ve all been friends for years.

Visiting hours are about to come to an end when Spencer finally brings it up, “how would you feel if I moved to LA for a little while?”

She’s really confused, “are you getting a transfer at work?”

“No, Y/N has a job offer and I’d like to go with her,” he’s honest with his mom, it’s easier than with anyone else. “I’ll travel here whenever you need me, and once a week just to say hello.”

“Or I can finally go back to Vegas,” she says it like she’s been thinking about it for a while. “I miss my friends and my sister, Spencer.”

“And I’m thinking about moving there as well so my pneumonia isn’t as bad this winter,” Craig adds, sitting closer to Diana than before and taking her hand.

Spencer looks very uncomfortable and Y/N can feel it radiating off him, “my moms are also in Vegas, it would be nice for all of you to be close.”

“I think that would be nice,” Spencer agrees, “and then we can just take a short trip to Vegas once a week to visit with you.”

“That would be lovely,” Diana smiles, “even on my bad days I don’t forget who Craig is to me, I know he’s my best friend in here and I’m really glad you’re comfortable with this.”

Spencer smiles, it’s awkward for him to know everything that he knows, and by the way Craig looks at him, he knows Spencer knows.

“Please, just take care of her,” is all Spencer has to say to him. “I’ve already been to prison once.”

“Spencer,” Diana scolds him while trying not to laugh at the absurdity.

“I’m kidding,” he smiles, “I’m happy that you’re happy.”

“It’s only taken us 30 years,” she reaches out a hand for Spencers, “but we did it.”

It’s a beautiful moment that Y/N gets to witness, she holds a hand to her heart as Spencer wraps his arms around his mom. She was doing amazing, she was happy and even happier that Spencer was happy.

“We did it,” Spencer agrees, holding her close, always a mama’s boy at heart.

—

They stop at his apartment on the way home, he needed some things for the next 2 days and his suitcase for this weekend. His apartment was always so dark and cold, the green was beautiful but it was far too sad. It didn’t feel like Spencer, it didn’t have his energy or personality, it was just a few walls and a bunch of books.

She sits on his couch and touches her necklace, remembering when he gave it to her and how she thanked him. He was rummaging around in his room without her, leaving her with time to just think about sucking him off on this couch, being between his legs, the feeling of him in her mouth, knowing she already had him this morning but she still wants him again.

She gets up from her seat and walks into his bedroom, pushing him up against the wall, he’s a little startled but he smirks, “what?”

“Is there a word for ravenous for dick?” She teases.

“Horny,” he responds with a giggle, “ovulating? Frustrated, deprived, desperate... slut.”

“I like the last 2 together.”

“What else do you like?” He whispers as she leans in to brush their noses together, “we’ve never discussed your needs, you’ve always just asked about mine, but this isn’t all about me.”

“It was when you were paying me,” she rationalizes, “I’m pretty basic, I’ll try anything once.”

“But what do you like the most?”

“You,” she’s honest. “How big you are for one, the fact you can just throw me around like a rag doll if you wanted… I like your hands, and your mouth and I like how you talk, I like how sweet you are, I like how we could do the dirtiest fucking things in the whole world with each other. I like that we could do the roughest, kinkiest and most intense scenes and yet I’m completely safe with you.”

He swallows and his Adam's apple bobs right in her view, she can’t help herself from kissing his neck, licking along the pulse point before sucking a deep purple mark into his skin, “what do you like besides me?”

“Praise,” she whispers.

“Good girl.”

“Mild degradation,” she kisses his neck again and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Spanking, raw missionary and messy kisses,” every new thing comes with a kiss as her hands reach down to palm him through his slacks, “pleasing my partner, knowing you get off to me, watching, being watched, belonging to you.”

He takes her chin in his hands and makes her look up at him, “in what sense?”

“Mark me, claim me, breed me,” she whispers and his eyes darken, she swears there is a growl that leaves his throat.

“I want everyone to know I’m yours, show everyone who I belong to, let everyone know only you can please me and show them that no one is better for me than my daddy.”

“You’re evil saying all this knowing I'm not going to fuck you yet,” his voice has never been this low, his eyes are black and the grip he has on her is so tight it makes her gasp.

“You asked,” she smirks, “and if you expect me to be an obedient little submissive, you’re very wrong. "

He gulps and the mood changes very quickly.

"I’m a brat and I’m a switch, and I have more control here than you do.” She tightens her grip around his cock and he whimpers, “that’s what I thought.”

She undoes his button and takes him out, licking her palm while making eye contact with him, she then wraps her hand around him and pumps up and down his shaft. Gathering his precum that’s collected from simply listening to her, his hand on her chin had made its way into her hair and his other grips her hip tighter than ever before.

“I want to fuck all day long,” she whispers, leaning in more and brushing her bottom lip against his, “I want you to come and find me when you’re bored and just bend me over and take me, I want to just sit on your lap while to read and ride you, I want to fall asleep with you deep inside me and wake up full of your cum.”

He tosses his head back against the wall, groaning as she slows her movements. She drags her hand up, squeezing at the head as he thrusts back into her hand, all she can think about is how good it’s going to be when he’s pushing inside of her, not just in her fist.

“Does it feel good, daddy?” She teases him again, “are you thinking about my tight little pussy? Hmm?”

“Gonna cum,” he whispers.

“I don’t think that's how you ask.”

His hips sputter as he fucks her hand, “please, mommy?”

It’s so unexpectedly hot she clenches around nothing, aching for him with how horny she is, she drops to the floor, wrapping her mouth around the head, he cums within seconds. She pumps every last drop onto her tongue before standing and connecting their mouths once more, swapping his cum back into his own mouth, but he doesn’t swallow.

He simply picks her up and tosses her onto the bed, pulling her jeans and panties down and off one leg to expose her dripping pussy. He lifts her hips and spreads her open, running a finger over her clit before spitting his own cum into her.

It’s such a sight, she gasps at the feeling. It’s so hot and wet and then he’s pushing it in with two fingers and fucking them into her. Rubbing her clit at the same time, she cums by surprise, it’s so intense all she can do is grip her breasts and wrap her legs around him for support. She trembles, moaning and whining as he keeps going, curling his fingers just right to rub her g-spot and keep the sensation roaring as long as she lets him.

She lives in the feeling as long as possible before it starts to get to be too much, “okay,” she’s breathless and exhausted, lying there with her eyes closed when he pulls his fingers out of her, falling asleep from how relaxed her whole body is.

—

Spencer was in her bathroom brushing his teeth for the night while she slipped into her PJs.

She felt giddy, like a kid on Christmas Eve, thinking about how exciting tomorrow would be that the prospect of sleeping seemed almost impossible. She couldn’t wait to hold him and snuggle him and feel the way he kisses her shoulder when he rolls over. She loves him so much that sleeping beside him is almost more important to her than anything else they do together.

Because when he sleeps, his guard is down. When he sleeps beside someone, it’s because he’s truly and fully safe with them. He’s told her about all the people he’s slept with, how many of them didn’t stay the night and how many he’s walked out on. She knows he’s not a fan of sleepovers from his childhood and he’s never been in a long-term relationship to even consider sharing a bed with someone before her.

In the beginning, he didn’t want to sleep beside her because he knew he’d catch feelings, she understood and so they bought a pull-out couch for her apartment. He would sleep in her living room and she would lay awake in her bed thinking about how much better it would be if she could cuddle with him until she drifted off to sleep.

She crawls into her bed and watches the bathroom door as she rubs hand lotion into her skin, hoping he actually comes back to her like he promised and doesn’t retreat to the living room. She smiles at him when the door opens and his sight goes right to her wrists as she smoothes the lotion over her skin.

“I forgot to give you your present today,” he gasps and rushes to his suit jacket in the closet.

He comes back to bed with another box, “how much jewellery are you going to buy me?”

“Two more of the gifts are jewellery,” he smiles as he opens the box for her.

It’s a silver bracelet with diamonds and Rubys in a heart shape, like the necklace in pretty woman turned into a bracelet. It’s so pretty she doesn’t know how to react, “you’re crazy, you know that?”

He nods with a smile, “crazy for you.”

“Don’t,” she raises her brows with her pointer finger raised, shushing him. “You know what being all lovey-dovey does to me, and I'm tired.”

It makes him laugh, “I’m just going to leave this on the dresser.”

She takes it from him and stops him from getting up, “no, I’ll just leave it on here, just get into bed, please?” She moves it to her night table and pulls the sheets back so he can get into bed with her. She turns off the lamp on her night table and watches him lay back on his side of the bed.

She snuggles into his chest and places her face in the crook of his neck. Holding him as close as humanly possible, he smells like home and safety.

“I love you so much, Spencer,” she whispers it, feeling very needy and emotional and she has no idea why.

He simply kisses the top of her head while soothing his hand over her back, “I love you just as much, Y/N.”

It was rare for them to use each other's real names, so much of their time together was spent in silence but when it wasn’t, they referred to each other with a long list of different pet names. It made it less personal, it kept their real lives separate and created a world where they just existed with each other.

A world where he wasn’t Spencer Reid with 3 PH.D.s, a drug problem and a sick mother. When he was with her he was just a guy who liked to explore. He was her buddy who took her to museums and concerts, he was her daddy who held her hand when they walked to the park together to play chess, he was her sweetheart on nights when he cried and needed some love.

Tonight he’s just Spencer.

He’s everything he’s been before and nothing like his old self all at the same time. He’s constantly having a breakthrough, he’s broken through ceilings of grief and trauma, grown past the names he’s been called and adjusted to the fact this is how his life is and he's not as evil as he thinks he is.

He’s happy and content. He’s so much different now than how he was when she met him and while he likes to thank her for that, he always had the power to get here. It was a long road to recovery, he just happened upon her on the path and brought her along for the journey and now she’s never going to leave him.

“Are you crying?” He asks, bringing her back to reality to notice that yes, she is indeed crying.

She nods and sniffles, wiping her tears with his t-shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired.”

“Hey,” he pets her hair and waits for her to look up at him. “What do you say when I apologize for crying?”

“Don’t apologize, your feelings are important to feel so you can move past them,” she whispers the mantra her parents raised her on, something that really helped him.

“I'm not crying because I’m hurting,” she whispers. “I’m crying because you’re not anymore.”

“What?”

She realizes it comes out weird, “I’m proud of you, and I’m happy that I get to love you now.”

“How long have you loved me?” There’s a small sadness in his voice like he wishes he could have moved faster for her.

“Since you told me you’d help me get my book published just for going to museums with you,” she whispers, “because you saw me as talented and worthy of greatness and you wanted to help me succeed instead of wanting to pay me to suck your dick in a more legal way.”

“I was in it for a friend,” he’s said it before, “it was easier to pay someone to hang out with me than stumble across someone who would understand me this well.”

“I can’t imagine you just going to a park and striking up conversations with someone,” she laughs, “I think it was just meant to happen like this.”

He sighs, “I’d do it again.”

“What?” She’s too tired and sad to follow his train of thought.

“I’d go through all the pain and trauma again, exactly the same way if it brings me right back here. Right to you.”

She pulls back from his neck and connects her lips to his faster than ever before, kissing him deeply as she cries again.

“I love you,” she whispers against his lips between kisses, he whispers it right back.

Permanent tag list:

@g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxospencerreid @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @encyclo-reid-ia @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @sassymoon @shirleyrose @reidsacademia @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @spooky-goob @anaagraceeberr @idonotexiste

Sugar daddy fic

@mggs-sidehoe @bakugouswh0r3 @mggskneescrews @moonlight-2-6 @spencerreidscumwhore @my-thoughts-are-weird @violetclifford @youabitchhhh @bunny-script @baby-i-am-fireproof @moondustmemories @rexorangecouny @minervaonmars @onlyhereforthefanfics @anonymous-reading @go2sleepducky @beepbooptoop @emma-is-a-nerd

@ne--yo-pets @valerieweasley @coldlilheart @andiebeaword @bingereid

some just wont tag no matter what I do, idk why tho

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #mdm #sugar daddy spencer

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liesoverthec · 3 years

Text

OG 911 Character Details from Canon Pt 2

Hi y’all I’m back! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reblogged the last details post - I sort of just thought people would like it and it would die, so to see it travel and hopefully reach more writers was so great so thank you again!

Details under the cut since I went a little crazy 😅 and if this is your first time seeing this, the first part, and any future parts, can be found under this tag here!

Quick note before I get to the details - always, ALWAYS take details from dialogue or plot over details from the set or props if they contradict each other. The writers have the ultimate say over what happens on the show/for the characters, so whatever they say goes, even if it goes against something props has already laid down (eg, Chim’s birthday, sorry Libra crew. He’s an Aries or a Pisces). So keep that in mind for the future in case some of these details I have which are from props/set are changed in the future, or if you’ve noticed something yourself!

Also if you have questions, I am MORE than happy to answer them, although if you leave them in the tags on this post I’m probably gonna lose them, so if it’s something you’d genuinely like an answer to, drop it in my inbox! Besides my standard “ask” tags, I’m also tagging asks about canon details with this tag here. Every time I make a big post like this, I’m going to link all the asks I’ve gotten since the last post, but if you’re looking for more info in the mean time, that’s the other spot to look!

Buck has a grill on his patio.

Eddie doesn’t hang Christopher’s art on the fridge - instead it is either hung on the corkboard in Chris’ room to the left of the door, or Eddie puts it in an actual frame and hangs it using a hammer/nails in Christopher’s room. All the Diaz family has on their fridge is a bunch of bendy people magnets. (I absolutely ADORE him putting all this effort into treating Christopher’s art like it’s something you’d buy from a professional artist).

Info on everyone’s ages can be found here. (Little more discussion of Chim’s situation here).

Albert has a bachelor’s degree! I don’t know in what though, except that it’s some field for which is a Master’s is useful.

Athena was in a sorority in college, Delta Sigma Theta. Their website describes them as “ ...a sisterhood comprised primarily of Black, college-educated women ... [that] considers the issues impacting the Black community and boldly confronts the challenges of African Americans and, hence, all Americans ”, which I love for Athena, and feel is very in-character for her at that time in her life!

Chim is an aviators dude. When he wears sunglasses, they’re always aviators.

Athena also wears nothing but aviators.

Bobby wears square aviators.

Eddie, on the other hand, always wears Wayfarers.

Buck either doesn’t really like sunglasses or he constantly forgets he owns them, since we’ve only seen him wear them once in 60 eps, in a move I’m pretty sure was ONLY for dramatic effect.

Hen’s sunglasses change style over the seasons like her regular glasses do, but she tends to like browline sunglasses.

Info on Christopher’s school can be found here!

There are two colors of dispatch polo, and there doesn’t seem to be any rhythm or reason for who wears what. Maroon - Maddie and Linda. Blue - Josh and May. Jamal has actually worn both maroon and blue, so it doesn’t seem to be TOTALLY set in stone although I’ve never seen anyone else switch. Sue is too badass to wear a dispatch shirt.

Both Bobby and Eddie drive 4 door pickups. Bobby’s is navy. Eddie specifically has a black, 2020 GMC Denali 1500 pickup truck (in case you want to specifically look up what the inside of it looks like or what features it has 😂)

Info on the 118’s medical certifications can be found here.

Correction to Eddie’s living situation from last post: no next door neighbors, but instead UPSTAIRS neighbors. (Pointed out by Abigail in this ask). Also since someone else was wondering the notes of the last post - no, there is absolutely no discussion on the show of whether or not Eddie rents the apartment or owns it. But based on the fact that it’s 1) LA and 2) an apartment, my guess would be he rents it.

When Maddie isn’t feeling like herself, she tends to straighten her hair rather than curl it. It seems to be more when she’s uncertain about her place in her own and other people’s lives, rather than just when she’s simply worried - eg it’s straight in 2B, when she’s uncertain if she wants to continue working as a dispatcher/is unsure about her relationship with Chim.

For work, Chim, Eddie and Buck all use black duffel bags with a LAFD patch on the top. Hen uses several different cute bags, and Bobby seems to have a plain black duffel bag.

Watches - Bobby, Athena, Chim, Hen and Buck all wear their watch on their left wrist (but Athena ONLY wears hers for work, she takes it off at home.) Eddie wears his on his right wrist, and Maddie doesn’t wear one.

Chim (and Maddie by default) literally still have the exact same couch as in the pilot. (Which means that Chim has cuddled Tatiana on that couch, AND Albert has had sex on it. TIME TO GET A NEW ONE, BUCKLEY-HANS 😂)

The 118 has five different rigs - the engine (E118), the ladder truck (T118), two ambulances and the captain’s truck. 95% of the time, when the team is chilling in the cab of a rig and chatting (eg the ‘stuck under a live telephone pole’ scene in Jinx), they’re in the engine, not the truck. (Which I personally learned recently are NOT interchangeable terms!)

Athena and Michael got married when Athena was 37.

If you’d like to give Maddie a full name beyond “Maddie”, you should use Madeline. (I know, I know, in 4x04 she says Maddie is the name on her birth certificate, and that you should never use props details if they contradict script details, but I always thought that was a super weird exchange in 4x04 which could be explained by Maddie getting a nickname since she was born when Margaret and Phillip, you know, actually loved their kids and showed it, so of course Buck doesn’t get one, and in 4x04, Maddie was trying to avoid the entire issue of why she got one and Buck didn’t. But! Do what you want, and use Madeline as the full version of Maddie if you’d like, since that’s what’s on the BOLO in 2x13 😂)

Athena’s call sign is 727 L30, but she doesn’t have a specific squad car - the number changes throughout the series.

Chim really likes chewing gum, but he’s the only one out of the entire family!

The station has an Xbox One S, and it’s white.

In the real LAFD, there are stations 1 through 114. To avoid confusion while filming on the streets (I’m assuming), our fictional LAFD never uses the number of a real station. So if you want another station for a fic, and you want something that would be real in OUR universe, use the numbers 115 and above. They’ve gone as high as 221 in our universe.

Battalions - station 118 is in Battalion 7, which is also not a battalion in real Los Angeles. The 118 has interacted w/ Battalion 1, which is a real battalion, but other ‘non-real which makes them more likely for our universe’ battalions include numbers: 3, 8, 13, 16, 19 and above.

S1 Buck knew the term Jedi, but based on context, didn’t understand AT ALL the context provided by Star Wars, so there’s another edge of his pop culture limits for you.

Chim is the most tech-savvy out of everyone, hands down.

Athena has a VERY active Twitter account.

Abuela’s house number is 8902. I don’t have a street name for you unfortunately though. :/

Athena’s favorite flowers are white roses. None of the other women are really flower people.

Michael likes to wear purple.

When they’re at a call, Buck does pretty much all of the stuff with the hammer and the saw. Eddie does all the work needed with the drill.

Harry goes to Meadowbrook Elementary.

Buck lives on the fourth floor of his apartment building, across the hall from Apt. 416. The lovely @lovelessmotel found this listing for what is more or less the apartment. What happened was: the set crew rented this apartment for the one episode at the end of s2 when Buck moved in, and then over the summer before s3 built their own set of it, and changed some things - eg giving him an island, and moving the sink to a second counter against the far wall, you can see the changes here in this amazing gif set by the awesome Austen, but the listing should let you click around a little more upstairs and figure out dimensions better than what the show provides!

When Athena and Hen go out to eat together, it’s always fast food burgers and fries.

Waffles are Athena’s favorite food, and tiramisu is her favorite dessert.

Every takeout we’ve seen Buck eat has always been in a Chinese food takeout container, and we know he likes Thai food the best. EXCEPT! The one time we see him eat takeout with Eddie and Christopher, they have pizza. So take from that what you will......

Eddie has a cell phone and a landline.

Chim is a shameless multiple texter.

Chim and Bobby sleep closest to the door in their respective bedrooms (both right side of the bed if you are standing at the foot, facing the headboard), and Athena and Maddie sleep furthest away from the door (left side).

Some canon last names for other firefighters at the station in case you wanna add more people to a fic - Mitchell, Sanchez, Serrano (woman), Porter, Meyers (woman), Maxwell, Voyta

Hen and Karen really love decorating their house with dark/red wood.

Karen is Mommy and Hen is Mama.

Bobby has a brother, and a grandmother, and that’s literally ALL we know about his family outside of Marcy and the kids.

Evidence points to Eddie being the oldest child in his family.

Karen has multiple brothers (no sisters), but no idea how many - just that one of them is named Trey, and one of them lives in LA and has kids. They might be the same brother and they might not be.

Both Hen and Athena are only children.

Athena has been on the police force for 30 years.

Christopher and Denny are the same age (born in 2011), and Harry is two years older than them.

Michael lives in apartment 308.

The bank in this universe is CalAm.

Hen and Karen have a picture of Denny, May and Harry on their fireplace mantel.

Eddie having a black thumb + a lot of plants in his living room = him buying fake plants bc he likes the aesthetic ™ or someone (cough Carla cough) is taking care of them for him.

The COVID timeline in OG’s universe is fucked up compared to the real world’s, so it shouldn’t be used as a way to measure time! They just throw it in wherever it makes sense for the story they want to tell (eg the vaccines in s4 ep 8), since s3 was both done before COVID hit but also airing while it was happening. It makes absolutely no sense for May to graduate in March nor for Chris to be going to what is specifically labeled summer camp, and the vaccine plotline was INCREDIBLY early, even for real life, so don’t use anything from that as a measure of time. I’ve found except in specific examples, eg the two tsunami episodes, it’s very safe to say every episode covers a week - fall holidays on the show line up with their real life counterparts, indicating about the same amount of time is passing for us and them.

On that note - Jee-Yun was born in late January, early February 2021. (Conceived in Pinned, which was end of March/beginning of April, meaning Maddie was around a month along at May’s graduation in May ➡ 42 weeks + 3 days from then = late Jan/early Feb. Which unfortunately means we most likely won’t see her birthday celebrated on screen. If we assume she was conceived on the date Pinned aired, aka the very sexy hotel scene, then January 21st or 22nd would be Jee’s birthday, depending on if she was born after midnight or not.

Buck has had at least one other Jeep between the one Maddie gave him, and the one he has now, which means that when he needs a new car, he is purposefully choosing Jeeps.

I hope this was all as interesting/enjoyable to you as it was to me! And just to repeat - I love answering questions so pls let me know if you have any at all ❤

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Tagging: @buckbuckley

#911 fox #911 canon character details #athena grant #bobby nash #chimney han #hen wilson #maddie buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bathena #madney #henren #buddie #userac #hey yall if anyone else wants to be added to these tags let me know #im happy to do so #I feel like I have v little for Bobby here sorry :/#I’ll work on getting lots for him next time

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thegeminisage · 4 years

Note

wait go on i unironically want your thoughts on john calling the car vs dean saying "she"

okay.

firstly, we are discussing the tags on this post

secondly, i want everybody to know that this meta is the reason i ended up cracking open john winchester’s journal last night and became patient zero for this whole damn website spiraling about dean killing dead gay nuns. it’s all because of this! this is why we’re here today! stupid car pronoun meta!

anyway.

this is jumping off the idea that the car is not just an extension of dean’s soul but his body and hhhhholy fuck when did that get that many notes. alright! anyway to recap: the car is an extension of dean - he lashes out at her in his moment of ultimate self-loathing (2.01), she becomes dirty and neglected when dean is in emotional turmoil (1.21, 13.01), she’s damaged when he’s hurt (in 2.01, in 5.22, just to name a couple of the most iconic examples), she was kept under a tarp (shroud!) during the year dean was emotionally dead (season 5/6 timeskip) and after dean ACTUALLY died for good in the accursed finale (she even showed up in heaven because obviously she’d go wherever he did), he is able to kill monsters with her, making her body a weapon just like his is (11.04), she and dean even get stolen/kidnapped at the same time (also 11.04). she’s full of personalization and personal items - sam and dean carved their initials into her, the legos and the toy soldier in the ashtray - this is akin to dean wearing sam’s amulet and his father’s jacket. he’s picky about who drives her (because there are a very limited number of people he trusts with his physical safety), he knows her inside and out the way one knows themselves, etc.

dean also frequently refers to the car as both his only worldly possession and his home - she gives him a place to sleep, eat, and fuck when there’s nowhere else available. she gives him shelter in a world where there is none, privacy in a life that affords very little personal space.

dean, for the above reasons and more, treats the car like a person. he refers to her as “she” (almost exclusively - he used “it” when convincing a young john to buy her during 4.03, and there might be some early season examples i’m forgetting, but for the most part his pronoun usage is solid), he takes care of her better than he takes care of himself, devoting the kind of time and effort to her upkeep that he only devotes to family. she’s the woman of the family, so to speak, kind of the way dean is - they’re both acting as the stand-in for the missing mary, and he cherishes and values her. (the way a healthy individual might value themselves and their own physical well-being, if they didn’t have dean’s self-loathing attached.)

john, on the other hand, calls the car “it.” which isn’t really that weird by itself because most people use it pronouns for cars (sam calls the car an it too, it’s not necessarily an indicator of anything malevolent), except for the fact that john is a mechanic. much like a sailor is more likely to call a boat “she,” you’d think a mechanic would be similarly inclined to humanizing cars. considering that john was the one who TAUGHT dean how to care for a car, you’d think dean’s usage of “she” was yet another learned behavior, along with dean’s jacket and music and hypermasculinity.

but john never refers to the car as “she,” only “it.” john may place some emotional value on the car, just the way he places some emotional value on dean, but NOTHING comes before his quest to avenge mary. (if you were wondering, this is what sam was doing while dean was killing dead gay nuns.)

the car is important, but her biggest importance lies not in her being part of the family, but in her being part of the hunt. she’s a tool, a blunt instrument, just like dean. john uses her to get places and cart his kids around the country and sleep when he has nowhere else to go.

a good example of how john only sorta-kinda values the car can be found in his journal entry for dean’s 18th birthday:

john wanted to give dean SOMETHING, and while he was reluctant to part with the car (“i’ll still be driving it”), but when push came to shove and he couldn’t find anything else, she did just fine in a pinch.

could you imagine dean EVER giving away his car? every time he has, it’s been prior to his own death, or what he thought would be his death. and aside from the times when no family was around (2.10 comes to mind), she was always given to a member of his family, blood or otherwise - usually sam, who dean knows best and trusts above all others.

since the car is dean’s body, you can pretty directly compare this to john holding dean’s own physical freedom and autonomy over his head well after he reaches the age of traditional adulthood. that john only truly let dean be in charge or the car and keep it for himself once john ABANDONED him speaks more to john’s interest in controlling his tools than it does to him wanting to do something kind for dean.

the car is dean, and dean is the car. for dean, this means she is the only way he is able to take care of and love himself, even if in a very roundabout way. for john, that means caring a little - but not caring about anything more than mary. in the end, everything, even dean’s own humanity, comes second to revenge. no matter how perfect and powerful your tools and weapons are, no matter how much you may care about them, they’re made to be used - and, when they’ve outlived their usefulness, to be discarded.

[spn masterpost]

#deanwinchestergender #liz answers asks #supernatural #john winchester #liz's meta #liz's spn stuff #john's journal liveblog #kinda #it took me so long to finish because i got interrupted by sending the entirety of tumblr into fits about dead gay nuns #but here it is.

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problematicpervertpod · 3 years

Text

recs on recs on recs

Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.

Dangerous Convenience Store

Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming

8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)

The New Employee

-love love love

Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Love Shuttle

Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*

Hold Me Tight

Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Yours to Claim

Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom

Bj Alex

Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con

Anti PT

Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI,

Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations

Payback

Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)

My Suha

Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*

Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration

Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course

Will You Subscribe

Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope

Hyperventilation

Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10

Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante

Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10

K’s Secret

Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better, uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10

Enthusiasm

Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life, rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two,

Ichimai Goshi Fetish

Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10

My Purrfect Boss

Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme), FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) , I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10

Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse

Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray, ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10

Alien in my Closet

Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia, roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart

On Doorstep

Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot

Gorani Jeon

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10

Room to room

Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love, sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10

Mistake Lover

Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused

Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10

Make Me Bark

Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining, these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10

Gurume no fukurami

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30

Under the Green Light

Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking

Walk on Water

Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL

Woof Wolf

Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking

Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers, big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels, would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.

With Your Tail Yes

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution

Heat and Run

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope

Heaven Officials Blessing

Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)

Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)

4 week lovers

Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+

Burlesque Night

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10

My one and only cat

Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch

Imitation Mate

Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it

Mr. 100% Perfect

Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE

The origin of species

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice

How to Chase an Alpha

Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw

Egoism

Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF

Yarichin bitch bu

Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years

Yarichin bitch bu dj wa

Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED

Fucked by my Best Friend

Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn

#yaoi #manga #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #gay #lgbt #pornwhatplot #recs #book recs #manga recs #yaoi recs #ships #yandere #uke #seme

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lifewithdavefarts · 3 years

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DaveFarts - Episode 1 “FartsApp” [Episode List] Since he’s a gassy nerd, Dave teases his friend Tim via WhatsApp by sending him a series of short videos of him farting.

FartsApp

Being gay with a fart fetish is really hard sometimes.

For me at least.

While the world is definitely getting more open-minded about homosexuality, I can’t really force it to accept this weird fetish (to be honest, all fetishes are kinda treated like taboos, regardless of the sexuality involved). I had to settle for YouTube videos or websites devoted to this whole fart-sniffing thing; not that I’m complaining: it was good to discover that so many people actually had this fetish.

Cue Dave. Well, sort of, actually. He doesn’t have a fart fetish and he’s not even gay. Dave has been my best friend since forever. Unlike me, however, he’s straight and is currently dating some (lucky) girl.

Around my age, he’s like a brother to me, and we’re actually well-known because of how much time we always spend with each other.

Dave is a great guy, a great friend, very open-minded and, dare to say it, actually quite hot.

Not surprisingly, being the brother I never had, he’s the first friend I came out to, the only one who knows about my homosexuality. Actually, it’s not like I told him… he found out on his own, in the worst possible way (for me).

During one of our nerdy game-nights, being “that one gassy friend”, Dave started to rip -as usual- tons of farts, fueled by some junk food, until he ripped one directly in my face (and boy it was amazing…). Everything went downhill from there… kinda. For some reason or another… he just accepted all at once not only my homosexuality, but also the fact that I found face-farting… hot. He just laughed about it and honestly gave me some encouraging words about my peculiar situation, proving that he’s indeed the best friend ever. Oh… and he also literally farted for me after that, in my face, letting me sniff and enjoy his amazing rips; he can also fart on command apparently: got a taste of his talent that same night.

That one, surreal night.

I still can’t believe it happened.

Felt like a confused dream. Like one of those nights where you drink too much so you don’t clearly remember what happened. But it was all true.

Dave, my best friend, was perfectly fine with me, my fetish, and all this weird stuff.

Yes: I know how lucky I am.

It’s been 4 months since he found out.

And, believe it or not, I’m getting face-farted so often that I’m almost forgetting how beautiful it feels.

Seriously: Dave simply accepted it like I’m living in someone’s crazy fetish dream and, when we’re alone, he just casually farts in my face (without me asking for it). Not always, but very often.

Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that my nose spends a lot of time brushing against his denim-covered butt, our friendship didn’t change at all though: we still hang out with the rest of our friends and generally spend a lot of time together.

Sometimes I’m so in disbelief about how easy-going he’s been with me, that I randomly ask him “You sure you’re OK with… this?” (I say, gesturing all of me), but he just smiles or rolls his eyes annoyed, tired of hearing the same question over and over again. What can I say? He’s perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality I guess, so he doesn’t have any problem with my fetish.

Sometimes though -sorry I say this- I kinda wish he did…

No, I’m definitely not complaining. That’s the best possible scenario for me, but sometimes he can get a bit too… inopportune. Dave is not really a prankster, but he loves teasing his friends, just for fun, including me.

I was in the middle of an important exam once, one of these pop-quiz thingies that make zero sense, and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked my FB private messages and all I saw was this YouTube link sent by Dave. Since I’m a fool apparently, I clicked on it, and one of those popular YouTube fart videos popped up and played, one with really loud farts. The first fart actually echoed in the room and other students glared at me: never felt so embarrassed (not including the night Dave found out about my fetish).

“Dude! Stop sending me this stuff!” I texted him. “I’m in the middle of an exam here!”

I scolded him for this, but the truth is that I couldn’t ask for a friend more open-minded than him.

The fact that he teases him with fart videos like he teases our heterosexual friends with those “shock” porn pics made me feel more… accepted.

But still… I was in the middle of an important exam so he had to stop.

And he obviously didn’t.

He sent me like 10 other links, just to annoy the sh%t out of me.

I mocked him by texting something like “Those videos are quite hard to find. Guess you’re gay too then!” but he would reply with “I had a great teacher!” and send me one of my awkward photos from Facebook.

Other times, since our friendship didn’t change a bit, he even made random references to my homosexuality or even my fart fetish when messaging me to make plans for the night (especially during the weekend). This mostly happens on WhatsApp:

Dave: “Dude, you have to come with us. Stop being a whiny little bi*ch and get up from that couch!”

Tim: “Sorry, man. I don’t think I’ll be joining you tonight…”

Dave: “You know what? If you don’t come with us… you’re gay!”

Dave: “Sorry, I mean… if you don’t come with us, you’re a fuc*ing heterosexual!

Dave: "U ride pussy, don’t you? Fuc*ing straight people!”

He was obviously being sarcastic, but I just loved how he adapted his… uhm… “humor” to my situation.

One time, however, things got a bit… hotter for me…

Dave: “Dude, come over. We have a lot to study…”

Tim: “Sorry, really can’t today. Aren’t you with Dana right now anyway?”

Dave: “I need somebody to focus with, not focus on. You know me and Dana always end up in bed after like 20 minutes.”

Dave: “It’s awesome but this stuff ain’t gonna study itself…”

Yep. Dave and his girlfriend Dana apparently had a very active sex life.

Glad he was getting laid. And Dana was pretty cool to be honest.

Tim: “Dave, sorry. Maybe tomorrow, k?”

Dave: “Dude! Come on! I’m farting like crazy today!”

Did… did he just try to “bribe” me using his farting abilities?

Dave: “Seriously. I just ripped one that was like 10 seconds long. What a waste of farts!”

Tim: “Dave… are you crazy?”

Took a couple of minutes to reply to that one, and then I got two messages at once.

Dave: “Oh yessss, Tim, crazy for youuuuuu!” he wrote, with a heart emoticon at the end (again, he’s a sassy bi*ch as usual).

I then saw that WhatsApp was loading a video sent by him, an actual video, not a link.

It was Dave, a smirk drawn on his face while staring at the camera. He was wearing a simple black shirt. The view soon moved and I saw his slightly sagging-butt in jeans sitting on a wooden chair, and then heard this big fart echoing in his living room (he was alone), rumbling loudly and hard on the wooden surface. He even turned the camera to his face while he was forcing the “classic”-sounding fart out, making funny facial expressions; indeed, the fart lasted almost 10 seconds, and I obviously loved that: biggest farts I’ve ever heard from him in awhile! It was like watching those funny fartvines on… well… Vine, but having my best friend as the funny/hot farter this time.

Dave: “Hope that convinced you…” he then texted.

I was kinda… “offended” by that last message.

I mean, yeah, I seriously wanted to be there, but I always love spending time with Dave, farts or not (that’s why we’ve been friends since… forever).

Tim: “Are you seriously using farts to buy my friendship? It’s not like I don’t want to study with you. I just can’t today!”

Was that too harsh? Should I have added a smiley face at the end?

Only thing I was sure of, is that I never thought that a sentence like that would even make sense someday.

And I was still bewildered by how Dave was so comfortable with the fact that I loved farts.

Tim: “You don’t need farts to convince me, Dave. More like… you’re making me suffer!” I joked, finally breaking the ice myself with a reference to my embarrassing fetish, proving that I indeed wanted to be there with him, enjoying those farts.

Another couple of minutes passed.

Was he making another…?

Dave: “I know you’re suffering, Tim. Don’t worry. That’s why I’m sending you this.”

Oh boy, another video. Should I play it? Was he aware that I was getting a boner from all of this?

I literally pitched a tent in my pants.

There… it’s Dave again, this time sitting on the couch. The video started with his face winking at the camera with a sly smile; the camera then moved between his legs and slowly panned towards his butt in loose jeans (he probably put his legs on the small table in front of his couch, to make his butt more visible). Now I had a rather unique (and hot -for me) view of both his butt (and part of his crotch) in jeans and his face. He grinned wildly and the fart began, ripped right in front of the phone. The sound and the views were perfect; Dave moved the camera towards his butt as the fart kept going strong, sounding like a deep trumpet; I could see the detailed blue fabric of his jeans as the funny sounds continued. What a lucky phone!

It lasted around 8 seconds and it was simply the hotness.

The video ended with Dave laughing at the camera and all went pitch black.

Tim: “You’re insane, Dave!” I joked again, enjoying how crazy he was about this. And for me I guess.

But I had to tell him.

Tim: “Dave, you do know that all of this gave me a… well…”

But as I was halfheartedly writing the second part of the message, Dave wrote more stuff.

Dave: “Then go beat your meat! I can’t do everything for you, Tim.”

Dave: “And please don’t act like this is some kind of big deal…

Dave: "Wow, Tim got a boner! How impressive!”

Dave: “Let’s all bow to Tim, the mighty guy whose penis can turn bigger!”

Dave: “Behold, the Great Tim! The guy who once had a boner and had to tell everyone!”

Further proof that Dave was being the best friend ever.

He was clearly being sarcastic; he was joking. That was his way of telling me “Nah bro, it’s all good”. And I was kinda surprised that he was so… chill about this stuff. I literally had a boner because of him and he just… didn’t care. As I said, he’s very open minded and perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality, so he didn’t have the irrational fear of “turning gay” when doing this stuff with and for me. I also appreciated that he trusted me with those funny, but otherwise embarrassing videos.

After one or two minutes, I’ve received one big audio file and I just knew what I was going to get when I clicked the triangular-shaped button to play them.

I heard Dave singing my name like he was some kind of serial killer trying to find me.

Dave: “Tim… come here…”

I then heard a series of muffled noises, as if the camera was being put under something, and it was clear what: I in fact then heard the loud, audio-glitching sound of one big fart that lasted around four seconds.

Dave: “He’s waiting for you…” he sung again in that creepy tone of voice.

Another fart, just as big as the first one.

He was on fire that day!

Now I was both laughing like an idiot and having the biggest boner.

Tim: “Dude, you’re on fire! But… to be honest, that was kinda gay…” I chuckled.

Dave: “Says the guy who gets a boner when he hears a fart. You fuc*ing hypocrite.”

He then sent yet another audio file, with him singing that meme-song “I’m gay, gay, gay, I love long big c*cks”, but slightly changing the lyrics. He even put a karaoke version of it on his computer while recording the audio file.

Dave: “You are gay, gay gay, you love long big farts. ‘cuz you’re supah-super gay, and you love big…”

Fittingly enough, a huge fart from my best friend took over the last part of the song. Loud as usual, sounding like a deep chainsaw. I could just imagine how beautiful that was. But the best part was probably the fact that he was definitely farting for me. I know, not your usual “hot sexy” scenario… more like a “sweet” one, in a very twisted way of course.

I wasn’t obviously offended by that “gay song”, since I knew that Dave was just being silly as usual and his mocking words were definitely not mean-spirited.

Tim: “Aren’t you supposed to be studying right now?” I asked.

Dave: “I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be here right now?”

Tim: “Dude, seriously. Thank you! But I’m serious… I really can’t today.”

Dave: “Alright… alright… cya tonight faggot…” he wrote, with a heart-shaped emoticon at the end.

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled a bit, then drove my attention to my own books.

This was going to be a long afternoon. But after only one minute of silence, my phone vibrated wildly: it was Dave and he was calling me. Very unusual in that moment.

“Uhm… Dave? Hello?” I picked up.

I was greeted by a series of “Dude, sorry!” and I was really confused.

“Dave… what?”

It was just Dave being adorkable I guess.

“Dude, sorry about that 'faggot'… that was bit too much, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Bro, it’s OK. I’m not offended. I know you didn’t want to insult me or anything…”

“No, Tim. That one word is not a joke and I shouldn’t have used it, sorry.”

I was just… wow. Dave went from “dominant friendly farter” to “adorable/awkward confused puppy” in mere seconds. Further proof that I was the luckiest guy alive (fetish or not): Dave cared so much for me that he even apologized for the “f-word”, which admittedly is a very bad word for a guy like me. But this time it was coming from Dave, my best friend, a guy who cares so much about me that he would even “censor” his language just to avoid unfortunate implications.

Ironically enough, the roles were switched, and he was the one saying a rapid-fire series of “sorry!” this time.

“Dave, quit with the apologizing. You’re the best.” I chuckled. “We’re bros, that’s what we do: we insult each other!”

“Alright… you sure? Not going to use that word ever again though.”

“Dave… it’s OK. You’re the best.”

“OK… OK. See you tonight. Take care.”

And he hang up.

He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t accidentally offend me by calling me a “fag”.

I would have been, if it wasn’t coming from Dave.

But then again, he also said that he was going to kick in the face whoever dared to insult me.

And he said that before he found out the truth about me: he’s always been quite protective.

“Oh come on!” I shouted, almost annoyed, merely five minutes later, when I heard the phone vibrate one more time.

It was Dave. Again.

He sent another video.

I tried to scoff at it but I was obviously loving all of this instead.

He was lying on the couch, the camera focusing on his butt in jeans. I could see both his face and butt, at the same time. It was like he filmed the video imagining my POV when he farted in my face, and I absolutely enjoyed that.

“Alright, Tim… Sorry for calling you a faggot.” he spoke in a “comically” serious voice. He truly was “sorry”, but it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “I’m really, really sorry, believe me.”

Keeping a straight face, he ripped an incredibly loud, deep fart at the camera. He didn’t bat an eye, blink or smile. He eventually lost it towards the end of that 6-seconds long blast. He chuckled a bit and then turned “serious” again.

“That was a sad fart… we’re both sorry.”

He then closed his eyes and made a funny face, signing in relief as he ripped another long fart, the lucky camera slowly panning towards the seams and textures of the blue denim covering his powerful sagging butt. It lasted almost 10 seconds: truly a fart master. And those weren’t even on command!

“Oh my…” I whispered, staring in awe at the amazing video.

“This one was on the house…” he chuckled, right before turning the phone to his butt one last time and ripping a short series of toots, grinning wildly, clearly forcing those smaller farts out just for me. And that was it.

My boner was definitely wet now as bits of that well-known white substance poured from the tip of of my “standing” dick, slightly dampening my boxers and pants. It was like a volcano going to explode. A volcano that, just like me, couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed to the bathroom and furiously beat my meat, almost strangling my rock-hard penis with a firm grip. I didn’t last much: I literally peed sperm, thinking of Dave’s farts. The best part is that I didn’t need to imagine anything: it was all real. I laughed in relief just as I felt my penis deflating like a balloon, after it vomited its white substance. It felt good, not “masturbation good”, like “life is good”. And it was.

My best friend, Dave, was this fantastic guy who, in his own, twisted way, was taking care of me, accepting me, making me comfortable with my fart fetish. A gassy, open-minded, mildly disgusting “bro” who only wanted to preserve our friendship.

And I couldn’t be happier.

End of Episode 1

#fart story #eproctophilia #fartkink #davefarts2 #gayfart #malefarts

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simonalkenmayer · 4 years

Text

Alright everyone. Let’s just breathe, hmm?

A lot of the concern about me as a person and entity centers around lying. I always knew it would. “If this person can lie to me about what they are all day long, perhaps they can lie about who they are.” Nothing is certain. Nothing can be trusted. It makes it easy to have a relationship spanning years, that suddenly turns on a dime because of a misunderstanding or a few moments of one person not having the same information as the other. Pivoting becomes simple. I anticipated that and vowed never to engage in the space if I couldn’t do so calmly. That’s why I throw my phone so much.

But let me clear this up for you: if I am what I say I am, facing all this endless scrutiny and critique from children 1/200 my age who say things like “worm”, I’d be here for only two bloody reasons: to finish what I started and to say my goodbyes to the humans I have come to care about.

If I’m not what I say I am, and am a human—divorced from the emotion of this and playing a part...why not walk away? It’s as easy as the click of a button. As I said in another entry, how long would you last, with blogs devoted to hating you and people calling you all sorts of insults? What’s the reason I’d stay and take it, ask after ask? Well...same answer: to finish what I began and say goodbye.

So you see? My actions show that this cannot be a money-making scheme, a scam, a marketing ploy, or any other thing than what I’ve always said. Firstly because it doesn’t make any money what with hundreds of free book downloads and taxes on any proceeds and let’s not forget, the fees for all the websites, production costs, and so on.

There is only one reason anyone would stand their ground and refuse to either come out of character or give their real name or any other revelations: to preserve the data. Once the data has been had, then there is no reason to care. The cryptid can go back to his lair. The human can go back about their business. All the whispered conversations can go full voice and the NDAs everyone spends so much time worrying about are completely void.

So all of this talk about all this other options—ego cults, weird relationships, programming, fraud, scams, all of it, makes no sense. If it were any of those things, the person would have walked at the first sign of trouble. The criminal would have found a way to sequester his goods and abscond. The cult leader would have really worked diligently at getting those people off the sites that allow outside information.

Whatever I am, I have no reason to lie about why I’m here. It is and has always been an experiment. No you won’t be told the answer now because your opinion is what is being sought. There is no other reason either an ancient cryptid or an actor would choose to sit here being bashed by a pack of 20-something fools who think they know everything and like to use discourse as a weapon.

Use reason, people. And also, lighten up

If this is a many centuries old monster, right here, typing this, then firstly, it has an excellent sense of humor for its age, and you should just ask it some questions or poke it with a stick. (Don’t do that, we don’t like it) Do what humans do and laugh at it. See if you can get it to tell you about the time it did some heinous act like shit is the dome of the cathedral in Florence.

If it’s a human performing for you, stop investing so much time in worrying about why. Just have fun with it.

If it was just that from the beginning, a person saying “this is where I role play to sell my books” would it be as objectionable? Would so many people jump to the conclusion it’s a cult? No. The one thing that seems so utterly rankling is the fact that the character doesn’t break. Well may I suggest that if it did, that’s not a terribly good monster or acting job. If it did, it would be just like every other thing, if it did break... there goes the data.

So far the surveys show that only 16% of you say I am not real, the rest either don’t know, don’t care, or say yes, why not? But the thing that makes it interesting—that play-along ambiguity, is also the thing people find so troubling. The people who will enjoy it would always have. The people who would find fault with it always would have. And then there are the people who try to get close to the mystery, and end up pivoting back and forth very suddenly, because they don’t know what is certain.

If you were or are one of those people, be assuaged. It has always been an experiment that was going to end. Always. There was always going to be a moment that you’d have to stop wondering. People are investing tremendous amounts of emotion into it, which I am not oblivious to, I assure you, since I take the brunt of it. But they’re becoming downright infuriated when they either can’t figure it out, or can’t get me to admit they’re right.

If I am what I say I am, then my behavior is simply “how a cryptid do” and maybe rethink that pestering nonsense. And if I’m a human, well then it’s all an act, and perhaps you should stop stacking on top of it so much significance of such dire consequence. Stop being so angry about a chatroom just because some person stalking the author managed to trick their way in and lie. Stop being so horribly upset when the cryptid won’t stop being stubborn about what words you call him. Stop being so obsessed with the idea that it must be horrible or hard on someone or disastrous, or fraudulent, or tricky.

It’s an experiment. That simple. Always was. Anyone who has said differently, is either mistaken, lying, or participating in it by speculating. And you can say yes or no. You can walk away and always could. And either way, the person sitting here, monster or human, is happy to oblige. You are not stuck here in this contemplation. You can move on with your existence if this experiment troubles you. You do not have to be here, or spend so much time contemplating ways to sabotage the surveys, or the author, or anyone else associated with it. You don’t have to sit endlessly pondering whether or not you were actually liked. Of course you were. A cryptid and an actor playing one both don’t have to like someone. They can both choose to simply ignore some people. They both would befriend the sort of people who are kind, interesting, funny, and supportive. You don’t have to be afraid, or concerned, or worried.

The monster has vowed not to bite and couldn’t through a screen anyway. And a human would...well...it would be human. So...not entirely concerning if it sits on a blog and chats all the time. Also, may I point out that with as many tacos as I eat in a week, the human would be rather sluggish.

Everyone take a deep breath.

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