#I get that it can be difficult to commit with mental health issues but I got mental health issues too

[edenorisshitposting]

My fucking fridge broke

[roebeanstalk]

6/2 Update: Security deposit has been paid!! Thank you so much to everyone for the help 💚 I still have to pull together all of June rent for my current place which is $675. Thank you everyone for all of the help so far 💚

I’m asking for help with June rent, which is $675 and needs to be paid ASAP.

Cashapp https://cash.app/clawshot

venmo https://venmo.com/rmck89

ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/roebeanstalk

Any help at all is super appreciated. Every dollar adds up, and shares are so helpful too. I know that I’ve received so much help from people in the past and I can’t thank you all enough. I hope that this is the last of these that I have to do.

Needs:

June rent: $23/$675

Security Deposit: $495/495 Paid 💚

Bonus:

July rent (First month at new place): $495

Movers + Uhaul: $300-350

More info on my situation under the cut!

Thank you so, so so much.

I have a history of mental health issues, and as a result I have a very difficult time getting and maintaining employment. My mental health also impacts my ability to keep up with and complete freelance/commission work in a timely manner. While I have made some incredible steps forward lately thanks to the right combo of therapy, medication, and a support system, I am still not at a point where I am self-sufficient yet. I am getting there – and I am committed to keep trying no matter what.

Original post blurb, taken out of main post since deposit has been paid:

My landlord has decided not to move forward with me as a tenant due to my history with payment/mental health. While this is frustrating as heck, it’s allowed me to find a better, more affordable housing situation. I have signed a lease at a new place and move in July 1st!Once the deposit is paid, my space on the lease is officially secured and I am good to go. This is the main thing that I am looking for help with.

Why I need help:

This new housing situation is incredible for me – it’s a room in a quiet house with two other queer folk, and the rent is very affordable compared to my current situation. The new place is $485/month, the current place is $675/month. Even with utilities, my total overhead for shelter will cost less than rent at my current place. If I can secure my spot in this house and move forward, I see such a clear path forward for me in terms of self-improvement and self-sufficiency.

For the first time in 15 years, I feel like I can tackle the things ahead of me. If you’re able to help out I would really, really appreciate it.

What I’m doing:

I am job hunting for something that works well for my situation. With the cost of rent, I think that a part time job will be able to cover it. The process of getting a job is difficult for me, but I am committed to continuing to work at it.

On the art front, I have occasional comic coloring jobs that help me out. I also have commissions – I have finally been moving forward at a good rate and have been really happy with my work. In time, this will be able to be a more standard income route. I also have a Patreon that brings in about $65/month.

Cashapp https://cash.app/clawshot / venmo https://venmo.com/rmck89 / ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/roebeanstalk

Thank you so much for reading over all of this. Thank you to everyone who has helped with donations or kind words or reblogs. Thank you so much to every commissioner and customer who has been patient as hell with me on artwork, communication, and stickers. Thank you thank you thank you. Thanks to every single one of you I have been able to keep pushing myself forward, and I'm so happy to keep doing it and make good on everything. And eventually, give back to my community. I love you all so much, even though i don't know any of you that well. Thank youuuu. <3

[cosmicpuzzle]

7th Lord in Houses - New Edition ❤️

1st House

This is a good placement. It indicates that the partners are very similar. Your partner's life affects you and vice versa. Your partner may like you physically as 1st house is your body/personality. These are the couples to always be together if other afflictions aren't there. These couples rarely break apart even if there are conflicts in the relationship. Your partner may dominate you if the planets involved are Sun or Mars.

2nd House

Here the relationship totally becomes focused on creating material security. You both are possessive of each other and need constant physical touch and caressing. Your partner may or may not like your family members. You can also spend a lot post marriage simply because you get accustomed to a spendthrift partner. I have also seen the partner can be stingy and that leads to conflicts. This is more of an issue when one of the partners isn't earning and becomes dependent on the other.

3rd House

This is a fun placement if the planets involved are benefics such as Mercury/Venus/Jupiter. There is a lot of discussion in the marriage that the physical passion can suffer. The relationship can be too mental and lack seriousness. It can also lead to multiple relationships or flirting with random people. There is lot of changes post marriage such as moving to a new city or even country. There can be significant real estate transactions leading to profit.

4th House

This is one of the best placements as 4th house signifies domestic life and marriage is about that - creating a nest together. There is significant gain of fixed assets post marriage such as a property, car and other comforts. In case of affliction the partner may dislike one's family or mother in particular. The partner can be someone you are familiar with or who grew up in the same locality as you did may be even family friends. There is also a possibility of the partner doing some home business or related to real estate.

5th House

I know many people rave about this placement but don't get me wrong- it can be really troublesome. You may date a lot of people but still remain unmarried after a certain age. In case of afflictions none of the love affairs materialize into commitment. Sometimes the person may embrace a monastic life if the planets are highly dignified or if the 12th lord is also involved. Love may be successful at times if other factors are supportive and indicates a deepfelt connection with the partner. The partner can also be prone to affairs in case of afflictions. Also, afflictions may deny the birth of children to the couple or delay them.

6th House

I personally don't like this placement for it brings many conflicts within the relationship. The partner may be too much into work or may dislike having sex. The partner may be unable to perform in the bed too or have other health problems that restrict the sexual life. Sometimes these couples have sex only to have children and then the romance literally dies out. Positively it can mean prosperity at a foreign land post marriage and the partner having a strong career. This can easily indicate divorce if there is another malefic in 7th house.

7th House

This placement depends on the planet involved. For most rising signs this placement could give some issues especially if planets involved are Mars/Saturn/Jupiter. Mercury and Venus can mean more than one marriage but is usually happy. I don't see many happy couples especially Taurus, Libra, Virgo, Gemini risings. The partner can have very strong traits of the planet that's in the 7th house for good or bad.

8th House

Let's be honest. This placement can be really difficult if other factors are not supportive. The marriage could easily break. This shows a past left karmic debt related to marriage. The partner's health or longevity could be at risk too. There can be arguments over joint assets and the marriage may be done for money or just sex. The partner can be a medical professional researcher or an occultist.

9th House

This is a good placement but can also signify multiple marriages especially if 8th house is afflicted or Mercury is involved. it indicates marriage to someone culturally different to you. In some cases, you may marry even a mentor or someone quite elder to you. You are likely to meet life partner at college or when you travel somewhere. You may meet through internet too. There may be religious differences with your partner. You and partner can have an interest in travelling or spirituality. The partner can be a lawyer or teacher.

10th House

Here the marriage changes one's career path. Your partner motivates you to achieve more or they themselves can be very ambitious. in case of serious afflictions, it indicates workplace affairs or affairs with the boss. The partner may be close to their family or mother especially. The partner may change their careers often too. The partner takes the major decisions and hence may be superior to you. The partner can also be of a higher status at the time of marriage.

11th House

This is a friendly placement. Both the partners are fully familiar with each other, may be they could be friends turned into lovers. The partner has a huge social circle and can be in the field of IT or technology and hence a high salary as well. There can be change of countries post marriage as 11th house is 8th from 4th house and hence they may leave the home country and settle abroad.

12th House

This is a deep soulmate type relationship. There is a significant past life connect with the spouse. In case of benefics the relationship will be deep, spiritual and the partners are mutually supportive. In case of malefics, there may be possibility for affairs for either person or the person may marry another secretly even continuing the first marriage. The couples could travel abroad or the partner travels and thus the person too accompanies. Sometimes, the person may forego marriage completely living a life of recluse.

For Relationship Readings DM

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[moralesmilesanhour]

so, 'the spider within' has me thinking.

Because the new short that just released is so...well, short, I feel like technically there isn't much to say about it because it's pretty concise and has very few if any areas that would warrant critique or super deep analysis. BUT, I think one of the most interesting (albeit obvious) things about the 'monster' in 'The Spider Within' that forms as a manifestation of Miles' anxieties is that the monster is...himself.

Spiderverse tends to focus more on Miles struggling to take on the role of Spider-Man because balancing a secret identity that requires you to fight bad guys every day and personal commitments like school and family is difficult. What I haven't seen the franchise do up until now is address the idea of Spider-Man as monstrous. This is addressed somewhat in what I believe is Miles' original (?) comic book run, where he first gets powers and almost immediately wants them gone. Why?

Because he's afraid that he might be a 'mutant'. A monster. A 'freak'.

Now, I don't think that TSW necessarily intended for this to be the main theme of the short because their primary focus here is mental health and the psychological impact of having a million responsibilities on top of unresolved trauma from one of said responsibilities. However, I still think that the subtext of 'becoming a monster' is there because the Spiderverse team chose to use the image of a shadowy version of Miles that then morphs into a spider, when they could've done something that more directly references some of Spider-Man's usual foes; why not have it be Kingpin, Green Goblin, or even The Prowler?

Because, again, the thing Miles is most afraid of is himself.

Speaking of The Prowler, I think TSW provides an interesting parallel to what we see in ATSV with the whole 'evil doppelganger' motif (I know Miles G. is not really evil, but that is what the writers initially want us to believe by the end of the film so that they can subvert that expectation). Unlike most Spiderverse fans by now, our version of Miles is not aware yet that his Earth-42 counterpart isn't evil. As far as he's concerned, he is staring right into the eyes of the personification of one of his worst fears, which is that he's not really a hero. That he's not meant to be Spider-Man. That he's not as intrinsically 'good' as he thought he was.

(Note: I think the Miles 42 reveal would've hit way harder and felt more full-circle if the writers had emphasized the idea that both Miles and his family are terrified that he may become his Uncle, instead of just leaving it up to subtle bits dialogue and visual cues, But that's a different conversation altogether.)

All that being said, I think part of what makes Spiderverse such an interesting and unique take on Miles' story is that the supervillains feel de-emphasized and like more of a backdrop to the story at times compared to most superhero media that I've seen. His most important conflicts aren't necessarily about whether or not he can defeat the Big Bad (his tactical skills and intelligence are never really much of an issue post-itsv), it's about whether his fears and insecurities are going to destroy him from the inside out before he ever gets the chance to.

[distort-opia]

Hey what's up. Huge fan of your blog and like your thoughts. I gotta lot of respect for your analysis, your writing, and how you work with the material for batman in general. You've mentioned a couple times or atleast hinted at possible diagnosis for Bruce and Joker, and while I do subscribe to the idea that due to the nature of comics, thier respective mental health issues are more symbolic than literal, I do, however, find it interesting and fun to try to identify them, especially since writers seem keen to slap stuff onto them on a whim. Also, I'm a psych graduate, but unlike you I'm getting my PhD in Communication research but I still work in neuro and psych spaces. Anyway this is my long winded way of asking if you have a general set of conditions that the two have. I personally think that they both have CPTSD and both display traits from both ASPD and BPD but to differing extents. Additionally, for Joker dissociative amnesia is a given, however like most things it's doesn't fit most descriptions for it.

Thank you for the kinds words, I'm glad you like my blog! And hey, another Psych graduate... somehow I know of at least 5 of us in this fandom, it's quite funny.

Indeed, it's tough to ascribe any kind of diagnosis to comic book characters, both because of how inconsistent characterization can be and because of how bad DC's approach to mental health has been. For Joker it's especially difficult, because "insanity" has been written as almost his superpower. Oooh he's so random and crazy! No one can understand his twisted mind! But well, I agree it's still interesting to try and parse the sheer knot of trauma these two characters are tangled in.

For Bruce, CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is almost a given, since it's not just that he suffers from PTSD as a consequence of his parents' death, but that he also re-traumatizes himself pretty much every day, by being Batman. And even leaving that aside, there's such a long list of traumatic events Bruce has experienced since then, including almost committing murder or the death of his Robins on multiple occasions. Though I don't know if he matches the ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) criteria that well. Sure, by being Batman he fails to conform to social norms, uses violence and lies to people and does things worthy of arrest-- but it's by no means impulsive, or a consequence of an incapacity to control his actions. Bruce is much too capable of planning in advance, that's his whole schtick. And he's not doing these things with a selfish purpose, to benefit himself; he does them to help others. As to BPD (borderline personality disorder), I do see it more, though not to a large degree as I do for Joker. Bruce is terrified of abandonment, he's got unstable relationships, but that speaks to me more towards him having a disorganized type of attachment and not full blown BPD. When it comes to personality disorders, Bruce is much more on axis A-- closest to schizoid, I'd say (prefers to be alone, appears cold/disinterested in human interaction, limited expression of emotion, seems not to enjoy many activities, trouble with social cues, disinterest in the pursuit of sexual relations). With a dash of C when it comes to obsessive-compulsive traits (overly focused on details, order and rules, needs to be in control at all times, ignores personal relationships for work/the Mission/the Vow, cannot throw things away, rigid and stubborn, inflexible over values or morality).

However, I think a lot of this could also be due to him being on the autistic spectrum. His troubles with social cues, his inflexibility and need for order and categorization... and how successful he is at "masking", which is pretty much what the Bruce Wayne persona is. Besides, the thing is, Bruce is empathetic (though it's complicated). Individuals on the autistic spectrum tend to display intact or even excessive emotional empathy and lower cognitive empathy, with research showing that this can be overwhelming; they might have trouble regulating how much they empathize (potentially due to less self-other distinction) and thus end up avoiding it (like avoiding eye contact, for example). Look at Bruce's Family alone: so many of the people he took in were people he strongly related to, one way or another... this isn't something someone with ASPD would do, for instance.

Meanwhile, Joker's definitely much more on axis B. CPTSD for sure, as well as BPD, ASPD... I'd agree there's a lot of ground for both of the latter, including potentally NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Joker is suffering through the consequences of trauma too, and he is impulsive, grandiose, reckless, uses violence, deceives and cons people, has an unstable sense of self, etc. Hell, I'd say he has traits that fit histrionic personality disorder too. His need for attention, overly dramatic behavior... I mean, the man nearly got himself killed in Devil's Advocate because he was enjoying the attention he was getting from Gotham so much. And if Bruce is potentially more on the autistic spectrum, Joker's on the psychopathy one, which -- again -- could account for many of the traits described above. I mean, just the first result Google puts out is incredibly fitting (glibness/superficial charm, grandiose sense of self-worth, need for stimulation/proneness to boredom, pathological lying, conning/manipulative, lack of remorse or guilt, shallow affect/reduced emotional responses, callous/lack of empathy). Coupled with ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) traits out the wazoo, which was an official diagnosis we got in comics for him. Although personally, I think Joker isn't a primary psychopath, but a secondary one. As in, while there's surely a genetic component, childhood trauma is what tipped the scales and led to him displaying these traits. I also definitely agree with the dissociative amnesia, though I'd group it together with the CPTSD, and also tie it to the unstable sense of self characteristic of BPD.

Got a bit too long, but yeah! To differing degrees, one could argue for a multitude of disorders... we haven't even touched depression (though I think Bruce and Joker are more likely to be diagnosed with recurrent major depressive disorder; they have episodes of depression, but don't always display the symptoms). Sorry for how long this took, but hope you found this interesting, Anon. And God, best of luck with that PhD, I hope it's going well!

[francesderwent]

Hello! I hope this doesn't come across as a Taylor-bashing question. While I believe that artists should be able to sing/write/create about their lived experience, there's something about the way Taylor handled mental health in this album that rubbed me the wrong way. I'll try to put it succinctly in three points: 1) TTPD seems to spill out the mental health issues/depression of Joe Alwyn, who seems like a very private person. I don't want to bring celebrity drama into this, but there's something discomfiting abot Taylor being more subtle and silent about his mental illness when they were together, and then spilling about it when they've broken up. 2) The way that she writes about mental illness/depression strikes me as hurtful. An example: "You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days." The takeaway seems to be an accusation that the subject chose his depression over her, which is...iffy. 3) The aesthetic of her album seems to be 'insanity' and 'mental torture' and, especially given the above two, it seems to be in poor taste?

I don't mean that Taylor shouldn't write about her experience about being resentful for a partner's mental illness/how they handled it, it just seems she's threading a sketchy line and I'm not sure if she handled that very well. But, I would really appreciate it if you have another way of looking at this. I do like Taylor's songs, and I appreciate your insights to them!

well first of all I sincerely love you for numbering your ask, it’s so readable and coherent. bless!! I’ll answer in order:

I think she absolutely was not any more subtle or silent about his struggles while they were together. his sadness has been all over so many of her love songs about him, using the exact same images that she brings back in ttpd. she says in hoax, “don’t want no other shade of blue but you, no other sadness in the world would do”. and she talks in the long pond sessions about this for her being an example of true love, the person you want to be with in really dark times. in renegade she says “the shape of you was jagged and weak, there was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway”. a lot of what she says in ttpd is a purposeful callback to words of love she spoke in earlier songs, not undoing them, but mourning the fact they weren’t enough. mirrorball says “I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me”, So Long London says “I stopped trying to make him laugh, stopped trying to drill the safe”. it’s not about airing his private business, she doesn’t give us any more details now than she did when they were in love. the only difference is in how it made her feel.

I don’t think Taylor is saying that her partner chose depression over her, or that it’s his fault for not pulling himself out of it. if we look at You’re Losing Me along with this album, I think it’s abundantly clear that the reason she left is because She Wanted To Be Married. “do something babe, say something. choose something babe, I’ve got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me.” “are we really gonna talk about timing in times like these??” she wanted them to choose each other despite everything difficult and sad. and he simply never did. you can say that a huge commitment like that would be horrifically hard for a person deeply depressed, but she waited six years, and he was showing more interest in anything but her (“I’m the best thing at this party” “I founded the club she’s heard great things about” “it’s not right to be scared every day of a love affair” “fell victim to interlopers’ glances”). “is it your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything or do you just not want to?” indeed.

I don’t think there’s any reason to assume this is merely an album aesthetic. I don’t necessarily take it as literal-diagnostic as some other commenters have, but when Taylor talks about her mental health on this album, I think we can take her pretty seriously. “how much sad did you think I had”, “am I allowed to cry”, “you don’t get to tell me about sad” are repeated through this album, but it’s not new. “I’m with you even if it makes me blue” in Paper Rings, “when my depression works the graveyard shift all of the people I ghosted stand there in the room” in Anti-Hero, “a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care” from Dear Reader. she’s suffering too. the breakdown that happens over the course of this album is not a performance, it is very very real and a long time coming.

tldr: I think she really really loved him. and she loved him while both of them were really sad. he didn’t choose depression over her, but he also didn’t choose her, and that finally broke her. she has every right to leave a relationship that’s dragging on and never going anywhere to seek somebody who wants the same life she does.

[bunnydongsik]

man, I get confused when I see headcanons and such about Dongsik being like a guide for Joowon on "how to be a person", and supporting him with his mental health and such and being this stable experienced, calm mentor figure.

I'm not saying that Dongsik is not going to be supporting Joowon, but the only stable thing about that man is his love.

I think that when it comes to supporting the other's mental health, Joowon is going to be doing the heavy lifting.

Like, in series, Joowon is basically "okay", when judging the stability of someone's mental health, the foundational, immediate appraisal includes things like "sleep", "hygiene", "food intake", "emotional stability", and "ability to take care of one's home".

The most glaring problem with Joowon is that he has very little support - this issue is resolved during the show, although Joowon has to learn that it has in fact been solved, which is probably a bit difficult to get used to.

Dongsik on the other hand shows worrying behaviour in basically everything that I just listed, and although he has people who love him, he doesn't let them help him (although he has hopefully become a bit better about this in the end)

We see that Dongsik can't sleep, and while I don't think he stops showering he definitely shows very little care with his clothing (until he finds Yuyeon, notably) and particularly lets himself go regarding hair and shaving after Minjeung dies. He has a lot of experience with not eating, and he seems to maybe rely a little bit too heavily on instant noodles for an adult with a fulltime job and - well, we have all seen his house.

I don't think I have to describe just how emotionally unstable he is in the show, in one interview I saw it described as "flying from one extreme to the other". He also decribes himself as "ruined" and "a total wreck" - definitely leading the mind to more than just mild depression.

He also clearly doesn't value himself. When we see him give away his shoes and holdan umbrella over another person's head in the pouring rain - that is an excellent showcase of his selflessness and kindness, but a harsher light shines on this scene when we learn that he did that for 12 hours. in autumn. That is not healthy behaviour - at least call someone to bring you another umbrella and pair of shoes?? or someone else can come and hold the goddamn umbrella. We also see him help Bang Juseon's family - even though he is treated so harshly. And he still tries to stay cheerful and he certainly doesn't complain. And he still buys the new lock? and presumeably puts it up.

And later on, when the restaurant lady throws salt on him - which is apparently a ritual done to "ward of evil" - he says something like "ma'am, why would you waste your precious salt on someone like me?" Dongsik, please value yourself, just a little.

that isn't to say that he doesn't have good or bad periods - the show really makes a point of how important it is to share a meal with those you love, and we do see him cleanshaven and with a haircut at the end.

But Dongsik has been living like that for 20 years, it is not just going to go away, and there is definitely a reason that the director suggested that Dongsik should commit suicide - but in the end it was agreed that it would be a stronger and more responsible ending to show the power of love and how it can help someone through the tough times.

So my point here is that Dongsik is just, insanely traumatised, even in the beginning of the show, and then it just.... piles on. like it is wild - by the time he found Yuyeon in the fucking wall, I said out loud to myself, "Isn't this a bit much?", and then it kept going even more lol.

And that trauma has shaped him as a person, and I still hold the belief that Dongsik lacks many of the experiences that you expect from a 40 year old man - no one can convince me that he has ever been in a relationship, or that he has a lot of sexual experience.

Furthermore, I see a lot of people say that Joowon has arrested development, but I would acutally argue that there is a stronger case for that with Dongsik. Joowon is emotionally closed off and doesn't seem to realise how lonely he is or how sheltered, but other than that he is fully functional.

Severe trauma is known to fuck with the brain, also regarding developement, and I think Dongsik was hit hard. I am going to copy and paste a little from another post I wrote, so forgive me if you have already read this:

"He has a lot of scenes where he just seems weirdly young, a stand out example to me, is when he's crying as he interrogates Nam Sangbae, while Sangbae praises him for working hard - and then the way he wipes his tears.

Also interesting that between Joowon and Dongsik, it is Dongsik who has a prominent father figure in his life - who picks him up from the police station (Dongsik even complaining to him that he is not a kid), making sure he eats and just generally taking care of him, as seen in the period after Sangyeob's death."

I want to add emphasis on the role that Sangbae plays in Dongsik's life - Only Dongsik's behaviour towards Minjeung (described as being a mother and half a father), comes close to the way Sangbae acts towards Dongsik. Even though he should be fully capable of taking care of himself at his age.

According to the script book, Sangbae's very last thoughts are about Dongsik and how he would have to "break down alone"- and he refers to him as "pitiful" and essentially tries to grab onto Joowon's hand because he knows his death will break Dongsik, and not necessarily because he really wants to live.

And on that note, I find it fascinating how much Joowon slides into the role that Sangbae left behind - not entirely of course, Joowon doesn't take on an authority role. But he does take on a caretaker role.

Sangbae laments the fact that Dongsik will have to break down alone because he, Sangbae, will be dead- but that isn't true, because Joowon holds him in his lap while he cries. and when Dongsik goes to the lake house, it is Joowon who picks him up and tells him to keep moving - mirrored by Sangbae going to Dongsik's house when Sangyeob died and telling him he had to live on.

Sangbae and Joowon really mirror each other regarding their role in Dongsik's life - Sangbae also lampshades this himself when he tells Joowon to stop pursuing Dongsik as a suspect and potentially ruin an innocent person's life - because that is exactly what Sangbae did. And after they individually finish tormenting Dongsik and realise their mistake, they decide that they will do anything for him - partly out of guilt, partly out of love.

But one major difference between Sangbae and Joowon is that Joowon didn't need someone to kick him in the butt to start moving - he does that on his own, without any prompting (also to the detriment of Sangbae, because Joowon at this point is still an idiot who thinks he is too good for help, and is too busy antagonising Dongsik instead of working with him)

I also think that this is the thematic reason for Joowon surviving and overcoming and growing to be a better person, while Sangbae has to die. Too little too late, he had 20 years to do something about the obvious corruption, Joowon had like, 2 months.

This once again meandered a looot and touched on a lot of different themes, but that is simply because it is all connected in my brain.

The main point is that Dongsik is not some emotionally healthy, stable and experienced mentor whom Joowon can look to for guidance - he is in fact severely fucked up. More so than Joowon, I would argue, partly because Dongsik simply went through a lot, but also because I think that Joowon is more resilient.

Joowon isn't so much in need of someone to help him function, as he is of someone who will always, always love him, completely and selflessly and unconditionally, who will serve as an "anchor" that he can always return to, and who will shown him patience when he messes up instead of throwing him away. And Dongsik is the perfect candidate for that, perhaps even partly because of his trauma.

I think that Dongsik is always going to be a bit off and maybe need a bit of extra support, and I think Joowon will always be haunted by guilt and by the shadows of his parents - but by their powers combined of Dongsik being made of love and forgiveness, and Joowon being a devoted, obsessive little freak about that old man, they will make it anyway and thrive.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far!

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing every day in February

Another month has gone by now. I have written every day in January and every in February, which is 60 consecutive days in a row where I have written 700 words or more every day.

It's been a shitty February.

I had to have some mild surgery that put me under anesthesia for the first time. I reacted to it for weeks, but thankfully that's subsided. Unfortunately, the stress was too much and I had to drop two of my three college classes. I did this because it's highly likely that I'll have to have further surgery this year.

Somehow, I still managed to stick with my goal.

Your girl purposely woke up an hour earlier, at 4am, to reach her goal before the surgery. Neither surgery or a later ER visit could stop this determined bitch from writing. (Just the anesthesia reaction)

It has been an immovable requirement in my day, even when I'm rushing at 11:58pm to hurry and get 700 words down before Scrivener resets for the day at 12:00am. Even now, it's almost 9pm my time and I haven't written my 700 words for the day.

Rest assured, it will be done.

I did not reach the same height of success as I did last month. I didn't knock it out of the park, but I still did pretty damn good and I'm proud of the word count that I reached this month.

There's something invigorating about sticking to the goal of writing everyday. Even though it's been so much harder, even though some days my brain is mush from the physical issues I'm dealing with, I am so glad that I've kept going. It's been a VERY difficult month - both physically and mentally.

I'm so glad I haven't given up on this.

Everything else can fall around me, but writing is my anchor and my sanity. Again, I can say with perfect confidence that choosing to write every day no matter what has been the best thing that I could for my mental health.

You can see how there were so many days where hitting my bare minimum was all I could do - and that was good enough. The bare minimum is 700 words a day or 20,300 words for February. I reached 31,000 words.

Not bad at all.

I had not one, but TWO unruly chapters this month, where I had to split them into two because of how long they were getting. Arc Two had been 27 chapters in total, but it's now 29 chapters. Out of all the Arcs, I had not anticipated it would Arc Two that would get bigger. This tells me that my rough estimate for Arc Three, Four, and Five is probably very wrong.

But I managed to complete four more chapters. They're in my 'pre-edit' stage, which means they're unrefined and need a good comprehensive edit. Usually, when I go through my comprehensive edit, I add 1,000 to 2,000 words to the chapter. It's a vital part of my writing process and cannot be skipped.

This is how determined I am. This is how much I'm tracking everything. This graph here shows the magnitude of my commitment to this story.

There were more hard days than easy days this last month, unfortunately. So many days, it felt like my mind was swimming in molasses. But I still wrote, even if I didn't always like what had been written. It's good enough. Something is better than nothing. Living each day doing what is my soul's greatest joy and desire makes life bearable.

Until next month.

[fierceawakening]

So you guys probably know if you've been following me a while that I'm coming to terms with some stuff about how my mom has always treated me that's difficult and tough, and that part of what I've needed to do in order to give myself free rein to think about what's really going on is to ignore some of the taboos Tumblr puts on words/terms: "your abuser isn't narcissistic, they're just an abuser" types of things.

Not tabooing "narcissistic" helped me to think about/focus on the way that a lot of her bad treatment focused on how I look to others/how the family looks. The idea that certain things would send messages to the community that would get us all shunned if I went ahead with them.

(FWIW, I don't know if I'd label her narcissistic or not now that I've thought about it. I just think that if I hadn't given myself permission to use that adjective if it fit, I would have had a harder time thinking through how much of it I do think is her having overwrought concerns about how she looks to other people and how her loved ones look as that "reflects on" her.)

Well. We've got another one.

I was talking to my therapist the other day about the way my mom will... agree to do something she really doesn't want to do and then complain about it, often and loudly. My therapist referred to this as "attention seeking behavior."

Wham goes the anvil. Another taboo. "If someone is engaging in behavior to get attention, it means they're being deprived of something they need."

Which, I realized... if that's what I believe about attention-seeking behavior, then whenever she does it, she NEEDS something, and if I can't find someone else to take care of the NEED, then a NEED is going unmet, and that leaves... me.

I'm beginning to think (well, more than beginning, but solidifying an amorphous belief I already had? I think) that a lot of these shorthands, "narcissistic," "attention seeking," etc. differ in usefulness depending on who they're being said TO.

If you say to someone asking you for mental health help, "you're just a narcissistic attention seeker," then you're rejecting that person in a massively and unnecessarily cruel way. "You don't actually have an issue that I can help you solve, you just have an entitlement problem."

But if you say to someone at the end of their rope with a difficult loved one, "they're kind of narcissistic and attention seeking," what that's saying isn't that the person doesn't have an issue or isn't experiencing legitimate pain. You're saying TO THE LOVED ONE "that's probably not something you can help them solve. Part of it's an entitlement problem, and in order to see that and commit to fixing it they need someone uninvested to help them notice. However much you love them and want to help, that uninvested person is never gonna be you."

[thesweetnessofspring]

The more that time goes by, the more I'm certain that if The Hunger Games ever gets remade, it MUST be animation.

There are a lot of practical reasons for an animated series. The characters can be animated to match book descriptions, flashbacks will be easier (especially 11 year-old Katniss and Peeta), and it will make it distinct from the movie series.

But also, for me, a big part of it is that animation can retain important themes of the books while minimizing the negative impact of those involved in the production (which is also a theme of the series).

It's no secret that Hollywood is brutal, especially for children and young actors. Alyson Stoner has put out her Dear Hollywood series on what it is like growing up as a child performer. In her most recent video, she shares that she auditioned for Katniss and in preparation, threw herself into her eating disorder to try and fit the description of Katniss. From her story, it seems she took this on herself, not that she was asked to do this. And obviously, they picked someone who is the opposite of Katniss's physical description in the book in just about every way.

I'm very, very glad that (as far as I know) no one in the production of THG pressured Jen to lose weight to play Katniss (fans and media, unfortunately, were a different story). A performer's health is always more important than a look. However, Katniss and nearly every other character has spent their lives hungry and malnourished. And that is a huge part of the themes of the story! Alyson also voiced she was glad an actress "with meat on her bones" was cast as Katniss, and at first I kinda disagreed, due to how it did affect the themes that Jen was always so healthy-looking (not just weight, but everything--hair, skin, hygiene, injuries). Then I wondered if someone starving-thin had been cast as Katniss, how that would have impacted young people watching the movies. If the glorification would have still come through and perpetuated the idea that thinness is the goal no matter how it is obtained, rather than been a critique of the Capitol wasting food while children starve in the Districts. The movies were never able to commit to making Jen look bad in any way, shape, or form even in parts of the book where Katniss is honestly grotesque. So if that had been a skinny actress, would her appearance have been lauded as admirable and been included in the endless media with only skinny female leads?

The thing is, there is some great fanart of Katniss in her less-than-attractive appearance--she's skinny and starving and injured and has a hardened, unfriendly stare to her. Her appearance is a reflection of her oppression, and it is in no way glamorized. This is where I think animation/art is able to exaggerate this and tailor it right without damaging the actor behind the character physically or mentally. Plus, looks change for Katniss and other characters frequently and these changes are important for the themes/plot as well. Weight loss and gain, muscle loss and gain, losing limbs, injuries, the physical effects of major depression and PTSD. Some of this could be accomplished with makeup/CGI and good acting, however, the physicality of the body would be difficult to do with an actor's actual body. Jen and Josh especially were critically viewed for their appearances during the heyday of the franchise. In Alyson's series, she describes that so much of the young actor's damaged self-perception comes from how they look and fitting a part, which throws young performers into eating disorders, plastic surgery, and mental health crises. I have to wonder, for a book that is a great metaphor for child performers, would we want to subject more young actors into this kind of pressure?

I'm not huge into animation fan culture, so maybe there is rampant abuse of voice actors, but it seems to me like voice actors don't have the same issues as live action actors. Certainly the VAs' appearances wouldn't matter--Katniss could be tall and fat, Peeta could be lanky, Gale could be short. Their voices would matter first. Hiring people of color for the appropriate roles would be the only possible "appearance" under consideration. Additionally, in comparison to the frenzy of invasion of privacy that the movie cast had to go through, VAs would likely be bothered less, unless perhaps they were famous for live action roles.

As someone who has a couple animator friends, I will acknowledge that animators have a pretty terrible work culture in that they are overworked and underpaid, so it's not as if no one working on an animated THG would suffer in its creation. But it seems like overall, damage to those in the process of its creation and consumption would be lessened and preserve important themes to the story as well.

[old-school-butch]

Let me explain how i think so you can answer the question better: Personally i don't think being trans makes you perfectly that sex, like I've seen post surgical images, it's a rough approximation, also i don't think minors should get hormones or surgery. I think some people unfortunately transition when they had other issues like female shame to sort out. It seems like other people feel a gross discomfort towards their bodies and transitioning cured it or at least helped it. I just, with all the back and forth, I really want to support something that will help my friends who are suffering. ------ So if there's research into alternate cures, that's something I would be interested in learning more about. Because I just don't want my friends to suffer. I have a close friend who was born a woman and is mostly attracted to men, but sees transitioning as a way to fix the crippling incongruency he's felt since childhood, he sort of sees it like disease and cure. He helped me thru a lot of stuff like when i first came out. So i really just want to support what will help people.

That’s very admirable anon. There’s not enough kindness in the world so being good to people who’ve been good to you is a wonderful thing.

Having a body is a difficult thing, it seems, for many people. So approach this problem with this frame-setting: they aren’t alone with this problem. Age, ability, size, race, and any number of smaller physical attributes have bedeviled many people over space and time to varying degrees. This is not a special or unique issue, it's a human issue and thus you can learn from other people and their strategies. Much of my critique of the modern medical approach is its ineffectiveness in reducing suffering, and causing harm by trying to treat the wrong thing. Even the more difficult mental illnesses like dysmorphia and dysphoria have been difficult to medically resolve. The most effective strategies have been time, and the acceptance that comes with maturation over time.

Older research, led by scientists and not activists, who study actual outcomes instead of self-reported feelings over longer periods of time find little support for long term improvement in mental health with medical transition. I’ve knew a trans man who passed effectively, had supportive friends and family, jobs that were basically talking about being trans… who still committed suicide. It was my first eye opening realization that maybe this wasn’t the cure-all it was advertised to be. Further research has confirmed this for me - the benefits don't last because the promises are not fulfilled. You can't ever, in the end, be anyone you're not.

Friends with eating disorders who struggled to 'fix' their bodies to conform to their ideas only stabilized their health when they learned to accept their bodies as imperfect, or even unimportant, and focus on other aspects of their existence. With aging, I have found that I'm happier when I stop the search for new wrinkles and accept, with difficulty I'll admit, the loss of strength and poise that comes with age. Acceptance isn't easy - because underneath our fear of looking old is the fear of actually being old, the deeper fears - and truths - of being less desirable, less socially important and ultimately closer to dying. Fussing about grey hairs is just a distraction from these deeper unpleasant truths, but endless rounds of plastic surgery and skin peeling is a self-inflicted torment that pushes the pain down the road, but never resolves it.

Acceptance is not a passive process, it's a long and difficult journey, but still the best odds of success and far less torturous that standing still and feeling helpless in the torrent of unhappiness.

Acceptance is not about feeling suddenly happy about something that's unpleasant. It's still unpleasant, still frightening, but you take courage and face the fear rather than turn your back on it or try to bargain your way around it. It's a curious experience, but real joy can only come after you've tasted grief because grief teaches us that everything is fleeting. True calm follows the moment when you swallow fear and start digesting it, because fear guides us to where we can find purpose.

Acceptance is not a meek process, it's a radical and bold questioning of your thinking. Changing how you think can change the way you feel. This is the miracle of life, to keep changing.

So, how then do the thoughts about her body lead to 'incongruity' exactly? Why does she believe congruity is possible or even necessary? Is she imagining her 50 year old self when she contemplates her path into the future? What freedoms, what futures, what responsibilities change for her when she changes the evidence of her womanhood? How will people treat her differently? How will she treat herself differently? There are far more straight men than gay ones, how does 'being a man' serve her in her quest to find a male partner? And most important, what lies underneath? This is less about looking like a woman than a rejection of physical evidence that she is a woman. How is that going for her? Where could she take her life, if she lived as a woman on her own terms? She changes everything she touches. And everything she touches, changes.

[ink-flavored]

💈💉👗😶‍🌫️🍅🖤 for pride and justice 🥰

ehHEHhehe thank you!! :3

💈 Have they ever worn a sex toy in public before? Would they like to, or prefer to make someone else wear one?

If you're like Pride and count nipple piercings as sex toys, then yes all the time. If you're normal, then he hasn't, but there's nothing he would enjoy more than being able to get off in public. That's his dream. He would also really appreciate fitting Justice with something, especially one of those app-controlled vibrating plugs so he'd be able to edge him for like... the whole day.

Justice would have to think about it for a while in order to get comfortable with the idea, but the idea of (for example) sitting in church while Pride has the ability to get him off at any time? Yeah that's deeply horny for him. He would only think about giving Pride something to wear if he was asked to do so, because he knows that Pride does not need a toy to get horny in public.

💉 Do they or a partner have any chronic conditions, disabilities, and/or mental health issues that make sex difficult? How do they and their partner(s) accommodate it?

So they both are extremely traumatized in different ways, Pride about his worth and having control over his life, and Justice about his purity and "usefulness." There are definitely ways that certain kink scenes can trigger some unpleasant emotions, but they plan things out as carefully as they can beforehand and talk about it after.

As for physical stuff, I went back and forth about giving Pride chronic muscle spasms when he starts becoming human. The wounds where he got his wings cut out were never able/allowed to heal properly, and as a demon they're just unusually fresh-looking scars that only hurt him emotionally. I thought about making them act more like real improperly healed wounds, considering how deep the cuts were and how traumatic it was, but I don't feel like I'd be able to handle it properly on top of everything else I'm trying to juggle, especially since they don't become more human until the end of the book. In my heart, it's a post-canon thing he has to deal with. Since your back is connected to basically everything, I can absolutely see certain positions or going too hard/fast setting it off. Justice would be more than enthusiastic about giving him massages before and/or after sex though. Maybe doing stretches together.

👗 Do they dress provocatively? How often?

Pride requires all of his outfits to be a minimum 25% slutty at all times. He wants to be the sexiest person at the grocery store. He is never prepared for cold weather.

Justice wears jeans and button-downs when he isn't wearing comfy sweaters or fun-pattered t-shirts. Most of the time he's only ever provocative by accident if you find very specific things provocative (rolled-up sleeves, accidental shirt riding up, etc.). He does have a handful of things that are provocative on purpose, in the brief instances he agrees to go clubbing with Pride and/or his friends. It's infrequent enough that the change in wardrobe is something Pride can always be dramatically horny about.

😶‍🌫️ They get a sultry look from a stranger at a public event, someone they may have only spoken to once, if at all. What’s their next move?

Pride is already across the room asking "my place or yours?"

Justice would have a hard time believing it was happening to him, but would get all flustered about it. He wouldn't go over and make any sort of move, he's simply too shy for that. They would have to come get him themself if they were really committed.

🍅 Is it “having sex”, “fucking”, or “making love” to them? Are they all different categories?

Justice doesn't swear, so he's only ever used the first and third phrases. To him, they're almost the same. There's a small distinction in his mind between "having sex" with Pride (the rougher stuff) and "making love" to him (emotional stuff), but every time they've gone to bed, in his mind, it's been out of love. They wouldn't do these things if they didn't care about each other on some level, even when it's something as simple and lazy as "I'm bored, do you want to have sex?" To Justice, they're different things under one umbrella, love and trust.

For Pride, all three things are rigidly defined categories, especially since he'd never had sex with anyone he loved before Justice. It was all either completely casual, no-strings-attached stuff, or with Lust... he was basically using sex as a coping mechanism and self-harm at the same time. He did not have the healthiest view on sex, the idea of even calling it "making love" was absurd to the point of comedy. After Justice and character development, he like... gets it now. He understands why it can be so emotional.

Still, he has a more casual view about it. "Having sex" is pretty much anything that results in an orgasm that doesn't require a ton of effort, most hook-ups and spontaneous sex with Justice falls into this category (though he will still say "fuck" because he loves swearing). "Fucking" is for explosively lustful activities, or when he's desperate for a lot of sex. Most kink falls into this category and "having sex" can turn into "fucking" if it's rough or lasts for long enough. "Making love" is something he really only thinks about in relation to Justice, and he'd only count a few (very emotional, very vulnerable) times in that category.

🖤 Is their favorite kink different from the one they do the most scenes for? Why the disconnect?

Pride is a huge masochist, and unfortunately this is not something Justice will ever be able to help him indulge in. Hurting other people makes him way too upset, even if Pride is okay with it, so that's something they'll simply never do together. He's gone through the 5 stages of grief about it, but there's always jerking off alone in his room to help him out 🙏

They kinda already do all of Justice's favorite things? I guess one area that Justice likes and Pride is way too impatient for is shibari, since it takes time to learn all the ties and requires sitting still for longer than 2 minutes. Justice mostly practices knots on himself, and Pride knows a few basic ones in case he's in A Mood. Occasionally, Pride will be able to sit still long enough to let Justice try something on him, but it's an uncommon treat.

[try out my second sex and kink OC ask game]

[mandana-the-service-pup]

Take it from someone who is chronically ill…

I will try to hear you out when you are offering me health advice. I know it’s probably coming from a place of concern and you think this advice would help. But take it from someone who’s been through this for years. There are some things that just don’t fly well with many chronically ill people. Here is my short list but I’d like to hear from others in the community.

Please don’t recommend:

Exceptions made if the disabled person is asking you for a particular type of recommendation.

Anything ingestible. Supplements & diet changes are really difficult to talk about for a lot of people with chronic illness. Most of us have trialed handfuls of supplements a day and extreme diet changes. It’s often a phase we go through when undiagnosed or newly diagnosed because we don’t feel like we are getting enough support from doctors but we need to try something (ANYTHING) that might help us. Most of us also have GI issues and/or eating disorders. We have learned the hard way what works for our broken bodies. It’s a really sensitive topic for a variety of reasons and chances are the person has done the research and already knows more about them than you do.

Exercise. Disabilities are not all equal and this is especially true when it comes to exercise. Someone who is an amputee or paralyzed might not have the same issues as someone who has migraines or chronic fatigue. Exercise intolerance is real and many disorders are exacerbated by physical exertion. Even things like stretching and physical therapy can be too much or easily done in the wrong way. It’s a sensitive topic with heavy implications that the disabled person is lazy and/or wants to remain sick. Unless someone is specifically asking you for recommendations, this really should be off limits in conversation.

Mind over matter. The mind is capable of amazing things. We are aware of this. Our disabilities are not cured by positive thinking. Some of us may have already adopted our own strategies for being happy while dealing with chronic illness. It is a very individual experience and having an abelist tell us we are “choosing to be sick” is not as helpful as you think it is. Just don’t.

So what CAN you recommend?

Mobility aids and assistive devices. Not only is it actually helpful advice but it’s validating our experiences and shows us that you are comfortable with us showing our disabilities around you. Bonus points for really obscure, new or cool looking mobility aids especially if they are affordable!

Pain relief. Topical creams, ice packs, heating pads, braces, wraps, TENS, etc. Chances are we have already tried it but it shows us that you’re thinking about our pain and on the off chance it’s actually a good recommendation it could be a lifesaver and we will be forever grateful!

Small businesses run by people who belong to our communities (disabled, POC, LGBTQIA+, etc) Don’t try to compare our abilities to disabled business owners but it shows us you recognize we are a part of a community and that you might not be but that you are conscious of it and supportive. Buy from these shops for yourself to show your support or shop gifts for your chronically ill besties. Just be cautious about things that might be triggering to some. Some disabled people appreciate affirmations, “warrior” mentality, etc but others really don’t so choose wisely.

Accessible hobbies. Chronic illness makes it hard to commit to things. Period. We don’t know if we will have the physical ability to do an activity, the resources to do it or if our body will support scheduled activities when the time comes. It’s a huge challenge but that unpredictability can also be super conducive to picking up hobbies. Things that don’t require a ton of energy or scheduled classes. Things that can be picked up for a little bit when we are having a good day and put down when we aren’t feeling well. Most of us love to hear about your hobbies. It’s great to feel included in things when we are often cut off from people because we’ve been deemed “unreliable”. We are itching to talk about something fun with someone we care about. Something that isn’t related to our health or unmet expectations of us. So share your hobby. Share your second cousins neighbors hobby. Google some hobbies that could be fun for disabled people. It’s sure to be a fun conversation.

[glittertomb]

Very personal but important question(s?) regarding chronic health issues and disability

So I’ve had fibromyalgia and Gastroparesis for about a decade now, and I try my best to self-manage these issues (in addition to the expensive meds they give me that don’t really provide relief), but it becomes severely difficult for me to work a full schedule, particularly when my job drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I spend my days off in complete recovery mode, absolutely bed-ridden, afraid to do anything social or physical, because I risk going into a total Fibro meltdown. Which is a nightmare, but I’ll spare you the details.

I’ve been considering applying for partial disability because I think working 3 or 4 days instead of 5 or 6 would be much better for most humans, honestly, but particular for someone like me who deals with chronic nausea, discomfort, and pain on the daily. I’ve been putting it off for ages though because I know that disability can be very difficult to get and a horrible process and I can’t work myself up to it or afford a disability lawyer to help me. I tried being a little more aggressive this past summer and collected “documentation” on my fibromyalgia in the hope of preparing to submit it, and literally all of my documentation says “fibromyalgia?” because apparently none of my doctors believe me after years of testing and thousands of dollars of office visits trying to get this diagnosis. To be honest, using fibromyalgia as my reasoning for disability needs was a dead end anyway because lots of doctors still don’t believe it exists, so I doubt the government would find that a good reason either. And I really doubt they would take the Gastroparesis seriously either, even though both of these conditions are dehabilitating at times.

So one of my friends recommended I go through the avenue of my mental health issues. At different points of my life I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, ocd, adhd, etc, and who knows what the real answer is, but she’s a mess. I’ve been realizing over the past couple years that I’m very likely autistic, and that would actually explain a lot of these things, but the past 6 months have been crazy, and even though I’ve been working a bunch, I’m poorer than ever because of the rising cost of everything, so I cannot afford to get a formal diagnosis yet. But I know that I told my most recent psychiatrist all these horror stories about my anxiety, so I decided to get done documentation for her too, and guess what? Generalized depression and mild anxiety. Girl, huh? (Tw: blood and dermatillomania coming up) I showed her evidence of scars on my hands from picking my hands every night til I bleed everywhere, I described how I get overwhelmed and cry at work several times a week and often fight back panic attacks at work and in my private life, I told her than I struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep and only got collectively about a few hours every night, I told her that I literally could not socialize without using alcohol as a crutch but I can no longer do that because of my digestive issues so I self-isolate, I told her that I struggle to maintain eye contact and panic when people give me eye contact… so many stories like these. Mild anxiety smdh

So that comes to my first question cause I guess I decided while writing this that I have a couple:

1) How do you, as a female-presenting person, get a diagnosis for severe anxiety? How wild do my stories have to be without accidentally committing myself?! I have an ex, amab, who basically pulled a john Mulaney and was like, “I get nervous on planes sometimes” and he legit got a prescription for Xanax or one of those other big ones, and another who is on a dose of gabapentin 5x the strength of mine because he gets social anxiety sometimes, so this is especially frustrating that I can’t even get a dang proper diagnosis on anything after ten+ years of therapy, doctors, tests, everything.

2) What is the process like for getting an autism diagnosis and are there cheaper routes you can go that would still be credible? I’ve exhausted my expenses from years of jobs not paying my worth combined with money poured down the drain trying to get any sort of help with my kaleidoscope of issues, and at this point I’m too broke and demotivated and burnt out to figure out a way forward.

3. Has anyone been able to get partial or full disability who would be willing to hold my hand through the steps and keep me motivated? I know it’s a huge ask but I honestly get so anxious even thinking about the process that I completely shut down. At the very least, maybe you could explain what worked for you or how you would approach it better next time? I just moved far away from my support group so I’m feeling alone and even a word of caution or encouragement would help.

I know I’m not really as connected to this community as I used to be, but I’m hoping someone will get to the end of this and even a kind word or a smidge of sympathy/empathy would be nice. And please do reach out if you have fibro because I don’t meet many and it would be nice to have friends who can relate. Thank you for listening! 💜💜💜

[taylortruther]

Your last couple posts got me thinking. I am similar to you in that I don’t romanticize my struggles. Although, I don’t know if romanticize is the right word for what Taylor does, I don’t know a better word but she paints her struggles with a lot of purpose. For me, when I overcome adversity, I don’t really feel the sense of triumph and heroism that I think she does. I think she puts these feats into an overarching narrative of her life and gives them new meanings.(And in a lot of ways I am envious of that ability, I wish I had that kind of optimism).

Any way, connecting this idea to her continuing to reference the beginning of the relationship, I think one of the reasons she did that is because there was so much working against them in the beginning. I’m sure she believed they wouldn’t ever actually make it out of the mess and be together. When they finally did make it work, I think Taylor re-conceptualized it as two lovers fighting the world for their relationship (think Shakespeare lol). And it’s not that lovers fighting for their relationship isn’t romantic, because it is, but I don’t think the myriad of forces stopping them from committing to each other that they overcame warrants this level of Shakespearean narrative.

Looking at what was working against them, there was them dating/see other people, the media shit storm/over saturation of Taylor, Joe’s resistance to spotlight/fame, Taylor’s mental and physical health struggles. I think it was natural for Taylor to conceptualize the resulting relationship that came out of that tough time as this great triumph in her life. A love she fought for and won. A love that all the forces in the world couldn’t stop. A love that defied all the previous love’s she’s had. When in reality, what they overcame was more or less themselves and in doing so they both had to make major compromises. Eventually those compromises stopped working and the thing that ultimately tore them apart was not the outside world, but internal issues (some of which were present from the beginning).

Anyway, I’m curious to know how much Taylor’s perspective of that beginning time period has changed. Hopefully we get one final revisit on ttpd lol!!

hmmmm interesting, but i have some thoughts (i called these disagreements at first but tbh we are just having a conversation here, not a debate! and i am interested in hearing your additional thoughts.

we are edging close to a Very Philosophical Discussion About Art and how one portrays life as art and vice versa. how do you determine what "warrants" a shakespearean narrative? what's the point of life if you can't romanticize some things, or find magic in the mundane, even in your art?

also this is getting into a philosophical place of: what does it mean to be an external vs internal problem? taylor deals with intense media scrutiny, which is psychologically difficult for anyone to deal with... can we really call that just an "internal issue"?

tbh i think even if taylor didn't create a narrative of her life in song, we would still see what she has gone through, and form a narrative around it. we can't help it. but also, her life HAS seemed almost story-like in recent years. a woman at the peak of her career is taken down (cancelled), she finds love in the midst of the apocalypse, and she rises to even greater heights like a phoenix... while that great love dies. i mean, that story writes itself in a way.