#I go to sleep later than I intend and wake up later than I plan and I procrastinate and I never manage to organize things and I neglect

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

Guilt for a thousand small things, usually infractions against the aspirational plans for the day that I make for myself, is such a constant companion I can’t even imagine the absence of a voice in my head berating myself for constant misuse of time and energy

[darkwitchoferie]

Train Ride

Summary: You start off as just Chan’s beloved girlfriend and end up in bed with all the members.

A/N: This is an expansion of a little oneshot I wrote on Tumblr. Link here. It is specifically an expansion on each of the scenarios in the oneshot, and maybe an additional chapter or two after that. Also, timing wise, this story does take place in the spring/summer. Seungmin’s chapter involves a baseball game and that’s a specific season. So, in case you wonder why anybody’s hair doesn’t reflect their current styles – that’s why. There are, at the moment, 8 planned chapters. That could change.

Also, for you - @skzficpriv for your comment on the original oneshot and therefore the encouragement to actually finish writing these out. Thank you darling!

This post contains sexual content, read at your own discretion.

General cw/tw for the whole fic, not just this chapter: talks of consensual somnophilia, free-use reader, unprotected p in v sex, vaginal sex, talk of and thoughts of sexual fantasies, anal sex between members, oral (m & f receiving), exhibition/voyeurism (thought not actually in public), polyamory, multi-partner sex, established relationship between Chan x fem Reader as well as between Han x Lee Know. 2nd person POV (you/your). I think that's all, might need to add more later.

wc: 2923

Master list

Chan tossed the wet cloth he’d used to clean you and himself into the hamper then lay back down beside you, tugging you over so you could curl comfortably into his side. He chuckled at your feeble protests at being moved, which stopped as soon as you felt the warmth of his bare skin against yours again. You burrowed in, pressing your face to his side.

On a yawn you muttered, “Wish we’d invite the boys to play with me,” before going limp as you faded into sleep.

Chan froze, looking down at your sleeping face. Surely you didn’t mean what he thought he heard? You couldn’t possibly mean that you wanted the rest of the group to join you two in your bed. Right? He thought about shaking you awake and asking, but knew that was pointless, you wouldn’t be any more coherent until after a full night’s sleep. He tried to calm his mind, reassured that he’d be able to ask about it tomorrow, and eventually fell asleep.

He woke up later than he intended the next morning. Quietly rushing around, so as not to wake you before you needed to be up, he didn’t even remember what you’d whispered until he was walking into the JYPE building and caught sight of Felix and Seungmin walking ahead of him. He stopped in his tracks in the lobby, your sleepy words playing on a loop in his head as he watched his two friends head for the elevators, unaware that he was behind them. He shook himself out of it when one of the company’s security guards tapped him on the shoulder. He thanked the man, saying something about not sleeping well, and made his way up to the recording studio he was expected in.

On his way up, he thought over his reaction, both just then in the lobby and the night before. If he’d been posed a hypothetical question like, how do you think you’d react if your girlfriend said she wanted your friend to fuck her – his immediate reaction would’ve been to say he’d hate the idea. He was possessive of you, everyone knew it. But that wasn’t the way he’d reacted to your words. Instead he was … interested might be too strong a word, but definitely intrigued. He resolved to compartmentalize it in his mind and focus on work until he could talk to you about it.

That lasted for maybe an hour. Until Minho groaned in frustration at getting the English wrong again and Chan’s mind immediately, and without conscious decision, jumped to wondering if he’d make similar noises while fucking you. That single thought started the spiral for him. After that his mind wander and he started to wonder more. What would Hyunjin’s face look like when he sank into your cunt? Did Changbin have as much of a thing for tits as Chan suspected he did? Would Felix's voice go deep or into his higher pitches?

And what about you? Would you make the same noises if Jeongin was the one fucking you as you did when it was him? Would you whine the same way for Seungmin? Who would be whinier – you or Jisung? He was absolutely sure Jisung was loud during sex and now, he was allowing himself to wonder exactly what sounds he and the others would make.

Now that he was thinking these thoughts, he was also recalling every interaction you’d had with the other members recently. How Jeongin’s eyes trailed after you when you walked around their apartment. Or how Jisung’s and Felix’s hugs lingered, something he’d always chalked up to both boys being tactile people to begin with. How Changbin’s hands slid just a little too close to your boobs when he hugged you from behind without actually touching them. Or how Hyunjin always insisted you were the best pose model for whatever he was working on and that he needed an otherwise empty room to focus. The way Minho would look at you sometimes and how similar it was to the way he looked at Jisung and they all knew the pair of them were sleeping together, despite not officially being a couple. How Seungmin didn’t even pretend to shy away from your touch if you happened to be sitting beside him during group gatherings. Or a million other things that he was suddenly looking at in a different light that made him wonder.

He had never really thought about defining his sexuality. You’d asked him about it once and he said he was attracted to people, not their gender. But he had admitted to you that, at the time you got together, he had a bit more experience with guys than with girls, which he’d chalked up to being a trainee throughout puberty. But he’d never allowed himself to delve too deeply into any attraction he might feel for his members, fearing it would make him awkward around them. Now though? Now it seemed that your half-asleep comment had lifted a lid off a box in his mind and all sorts of thoughts were tumbling out.

When they stopped for lunch, he made the seven of them leave ahead of him, playing it off as wanting some privacy to call you. The truth was, with his thoughts spiraling into the territory they were, he was hard. Very hard, and there was no way he could stand up from the desk and it not be obvious. He took several deep breaths, screwing his eyes shut, clenching his hands into fists, and tried to will away his boner. Eventually, he called Hannah and that helped instantly, putting him back on an even keel.

Then came dance practice in the afternoon and that put his mind right back in the gutter. Any body roll or anything that looked even vaguely like a hip thrust had him internally struggling with new images. Once, he excused himself to the bathroom and had to take care of his problem before it became too evident. Or at least, he hoped it hadn’t been noticeable.

The day ended earlier than usual, owing to Hyunjin and Felix both having separate photoshoots. While normally, Chan would take advantage of the early end and head back into the recording studio, maybe with Jisung and Changbin, maybe without them, this time he headed straight for your apartment.

“Channie!” You grinned up at him from behind your computer set up in the living room. One of the best perks, to your mind, about working from home was the ability to move your set up out into the living room or kitchen, or really anywhere that wasn’t your home office for a scenery change. “Everything okay?” You could tell immediately that something had your boyfriend edgy. Hopefully everything had gone well at the company.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. Almost done for the day?” He nodded at your computer.

“Just about. I was gonna make a pizza, do you want to pop it into the oven while I finish up?”

“Yeah, baby girl. That sounds perfect.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head as he walked by. He paced the length of your kitchen and back again as he waited, first for the oven to heat, then the pizza to cook. He could hear you working on your computer and didn’t want to interrupt, but he really needed to deal with everything that had been going on in his head all day. Now, surrounded by the familiarity of your apartment, nothing changed. He was still thinking about his friends and wondering how you’d look pinned under Changbin, riding Seungmin, or bent over for Minho.

By the time the pizza was done and you were shutting down your work laptop, he still hadn’t decided if he should just ask you about it, or if he needed to fuck you first, to at least get himself somewhat under control so you could have this conversation. He heard you packing away your set up and taking it into your home office, so he sliced up the pizza and brought two plates out into the living room.

“Thank you, baby,” you grinned at him, sitting beside him and snuggling into his side while you both ate.

Normally, your proximity like this would calm Chan, no matter what kind of day he’d had. You’d snuggle into his side, and he’d relax back into the couch cushions. Not this day. The fingers on his free hand tapped incessantly against your shoulder or the back of the couch. He kept shifting around and could not say at all what show you’d put on the tv.

You waited, somewhat patiently, sure he’d tell you what was going on after a while. Meanwhile, Chan was wondering how the hell to even bring it up. Eventually, you got tired of waiting. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

You sat up to look directly at him. “You’re edgy, babe. Like you get when something’s bugging you. What is it?”

“It’s not…. It’s about what you said last night, before you fell asleep.” At your puzzled look, he said, “You don’t remember?”

“Channie baby, I’m lucky I remembered my own name by the time you were done with me last night.” Smug, Chan grinned and puffed up his chest. “You’re going to have to remind me what I said.” You grinned, playfully rolling your eyes at his smug grin.

“You said, um…. You said you wished we’d invited the guys over so they could play with you too.” Your mind raced. The pair of you had talked about fantasies before, but you’d never voiced that thought out loud, afraid of how Chan would react. Would he think differently of you? If you denied it, would he even believe you? Was he disgusted by you? Or would he think you had or would be willing to cheat on him? Maybe he’d just get really possessive and fuck you into the couch and afterwards you could both pretend you’d never said anything.

Your thoughts were racing so fast that you didn’t realize the time for denial had passed. At least until Chan says, “Baby girl? Did you mean it?”

“I, uh… no?” You tried denying it, but no one would believe a denial that came out sounding that unsure.

“I think you did. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day, baby. Do you know how hard it’s been to get any work done today with these thoughts?” With your terrible denial, Chan grew bolder. You looked away from his face, biting the edge of your thumbnail out of nervousness. When you looked down, you noticed the bulge in his pants. Your eyes widened and shot back up to his face. “Do you have any clue how hard it’s been, all day?” He asked, pressing a palm against his clothed dick. “Hearing Minho groaning into the mic? Seeing Hyunjin roll his hips and wondering….” He trailed off, eyes darkening as he realized that your mind had immediately followed his train of thought and now you were thinking all the same things he’d been thinking.

“You’d… I mean, you’re not upset? That I’ve thought about them, like that?” You asked in a small voice, still somewhat unsure of exactly where this conversation was headed.

Your bed, it turned out, was where the conversation was headed. Chan had gripped your hips, pulling you onto his lap and hungrily kissing you without another word. He’d damn near torn your shirt trying to get it off as quickly as possible before groaning when he realized you hadn’t bothered with a bra that morning. You arched into him as he closed his lips around one nipple, teasing the other with his fingers.

When you started to roll your hips against the bulge in his pants, he’d stood up with you in his arms and swiftly strode to your bedroom, tossing you onto the bed and following right behind you. He didn’t give you time to get your bearings or get situated before he was tugging off your lounge pants and panties. His lips were back to roaming on your neck and chest as his hands smoothed up your thighs, pushing them apart so he could slot himself comfortably between them.

You’d gone from nervous to turned on so quickly that you were struggling to keep up with him, eventually just giving in and letting yourself feel his fingers, lips, and tongue, rather than try to keep track of exactly where your boyfriend’s roaming hands were. Until you felt the pad of his thumb pressing against your clit. You gasped, arching and trying to press yourself harder against that single digit.

“Aw, is baby girl needy?” he teased.

“Channie, please.”

He grinned, leaning down to nip at your collar bone. “You have to do something for me though.”

“Anything,” you agreed, desperate to have him. He pulled completely away from you and you whined. Then you looked over and saw he was standing so he could strip himself. As soon as his boxers were kicked off, you reached for him, pulling him back to you by his wrist.

He claimed your lips in a hungry kiss, right hand sliding down your tummy, over your hip, and covering your pussy. With less gentleness than usual, he dipped first one, then two fingers into you. He didn’t spend much time prepping you, just thrusting his fingers into you a few times before deciding he couldn’t wait anymore. But as wet and turned on as you were, you had no problems stretching to accept him.

He bottomed out inside you, your legs wrapped around his hips, him propped up on his hands and leaning over you. Before he started moving, he said, “You have to tell me what you’ve thought of.” At your blank look, he elaborated. “You’ve thought about my friends. Tell me what you’ve thought about. You said you wanted them to play with you, but I’m sure you have details.”

You groaned, partly embarrassed to be having this conversation but mostly because that was when he started to move. He started off with long, slow thrusts, letting you feel every inch of him dragging through your walls. You knew he’d been turned on by his own thoughts, but part of you was still nervous how he’d react to your fantasies.

“Promise you won’t be mad?”

“How could I possibly be mad at you?” he countered.

It took you a while, between your moans and gasps, but you finally told him your favorite fantasies. “I want them to use me,” you started off. “Whenever they want. Like when I’m wearing the necklace you bought me so you can fuck me whenever, wherever. I wanna do that for them too.” You gasped, arching against a particularly hard thrust. “Let them fuck me when I’m asleep after a long day like you do. Or – oh God – call me to the dance studio or recording studio ‘cause something’s not going right so you’re all stressed.” You dug your nails into Chan’s back as he leaned down and bit your neck, sucking a deep purple mark into the skin there. “Wanna cock warm Lixie while he’s gaming or Minnie while he’s reading. Be passed around to everybody during movie night. Wanna ride Bin’s thigh after a workout, when he’s still all sweaty. Let Hyune paint me naked or paint on me, then fuck him.”

As Chan’s thrusts got rougher, it got harder to speak, but you kept going at his insistence. “Wanna – ah – wanna sit on Ji’s face. Suck on Innie’s fingers while he fucks me. Let Minho bend me over the balcony fence so I have to be real quiet.”

Chan had your legs bent up so your knees were at your chest when you finally clenched around him, orgasm rushing through you. Every scenario you gave him, brought him closer to his own orgasm and he followed right behind you, the warmth of his cum flooding into you. He brought your legs down, gently massaging your thighs as you both worked to catch your breath.

With a burst of courage, probably encouraged by how he’d reacted to everything else so far, you decided to tell him one final fantasy. But still, you wrapped your legs around his hips to hold him to you, just in case. “I’d be happy with all that, and more. But I’d like to date them too, if they wanted.” You got quieter as you spoke, suddenly afraid that he might think you thought he wasn’t enough for you.

Chan shifted against you, not moving away, just shifting so he could look up at your face. “I wondered, earlier today, and probably before if I’m being really honest, about kissing them. Think I’d like kissing Lix or maybe Hyune the most. Well, no, maybe most is wrong.” He sighed, shifting again and resting his head between your boobs before he continued. “Point is, I know you love me. I love you too.” He kissed the side of your boob. “But I am totally okay with one or both of us dating one or a couple or all of them.”

You relaxed your legs, letting them drop to either side of his hips. Then started gently carding your fingers through his sweaty hair.

A short while later, as you were cleaning up in the shower, Chan asked, “So, would you want to try to see how many of your fantasies we can bring to life?”

Next

[gloomwitchwrites]

Hello there!

I’m fairly new to the COD fandom, but have completely lost my heart to those 4 lads already 🥺 Especially, Ghost and Soap ❤️

Anyway, I was wondering if I could request something for your Imagines and What Ifs masterlist? Cause I’ve just been absolutely knackered today! I was at a 30th birthday yesterday and I really only knew the birthday woman, so it was a little overwhelming to be around so many new people and in so much noise for a whole day, because I’m not actually that social or good with people 😅

And I would have loved to have one or all of those lads here to nap with me, cuddle with me and generally just having the laziest day ever today. Maybe one of them would even wash my hair for me later? 🥺

Nevertheless, I was wondering how you see the lads relaxing with their bird or even taking care of her when she is completely knackered, for whatever reason ❤️

I love this, but I’d like to flesh it out through headcanons rather than the imagines series. A cozy day with the guys sounds wonderful, and I love talking about 141 in a soft way. Deadly and dangerous in the field but absolutely gentle partners when they’re home.

Written w/ gn!reader

MDNI (for suggestive themes)

Ghost naps like the dead. This man is a brick when he’s asleep which makes him the perfect body pillow. Whether it’s a lazy morning or afternoon, naps with him are elite sleeping experiences. Since he’s unlikely to move, you can make yourself as comfortable as you want without disturbing his peace. If he wakes before you do, Ghost remains where he is because he doesn’t intend on interrupting your rest. There’s no rush when he’s home with you, and simply having a good cuddle and ordering takeaway to eat in bed makes him happy. He loves lazy days even more when the both of you are naked and curled up together that way he can touch you whenever he wants.

Price’s version of a lazy day isn’t full of naps and cuddles but he’ll do it for you. Lazy mornings are for snuggling and breakfast in bed (made by Price because he won’t allow you to lift a finger.) He will eventually force you out of bed, coaxing you to do your morning routine with him. After that, it’s cuddling on the sofa, maybe a movie or a few episodes of whatever show you’re watching together. You can stay on the sofa all day if you want, surrounded by blankets and pillows. Price might do some work around the house, occasionally checking in for kisses and a quick snuggle.

Gaz takes lazy days seriously. There’s no sleeping away in bed all day with him without a plan. You can be as relaxed and lazy as you want, but Gaz is going to make sure you enjoy every moment. Calming white noise? He’s on it. Meals in bed? Done. Need a cuddle partner? You can have him as long as you need him. If you want to move out into the living room, he’s building a blanket fort on the sofa, or if it’s nice outside, and you have a balcony/patio, he’ll set up a place for you to snooze in the sun. Any self-care is done by him and him alone. You don’t need to lift a finger. He’ll draw a bath, get in with you, and see to it that your hair is washed.

Soap loves a lazy day, and he’ll be more than happy to sleep the day away with you if you allow it. Forget asking for cuddles, Soap will already be reaching for you, wrapping you in his arms, falling asleep again the moment you’re curled up against him. Nothing is getting done, and Soap is happy to move at your pace. If he wakes before you, expect him to remain at your side, playing with your hair or rubbing your back. Of all of them, he’s more likely to be forward with offers of intimacy because lazy sex is his favorite. If hunger is involved, Soap won’t cook, but he’ll order takeaway or bring lots of snacks to bed for you to pick from.

CoD Headcanons / AUs / Quick Writes Masterlist

[luvs4matt]

Can you do sleepy!reader x bf!matt headcannons

˖⋆࿐໋ ୨୧ HEADCANNONS . ꒰ 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 ꒱ ゛ ⸝⸝.ᐟ⋆

SUMMARY :: bf!matt x sleepy!reader headcannons !!

WARNINGS ゛ ⸝⸝.ᐟ⋆ SMUT, fluff, sleeping, kisses, praise, cuddling, cock warming, petnames (baby, angel)

SFW ★

almost every time he gets home from filming he finds you sleeping. sometimes its on the couch, sometimes its on his bed, he has even found you asleep on the floor before.

“baby i’m back!” he gets worried when you don’t respond “baby?” he walks into his room to find you curled up in a ball on the floor, a unfinished puzzle in front of you.

matt smiles to himself before he picks you up bridal style placing you in bed covering you up “good night angel” he whispers leaving a kiss on your temple before heading out to the living room.

when you and matt had movie dates not even 10 minutes in you would be yawning denying that your tired just for matt to find you sleeping half an hour into the movie.

“i told you i’m not tired, i would never fall asleep during tangled” you had already yawned twice 15 minutes into the movie “okay whatever you say” matt already knew you would be asleep soon.

you guys had planned a movie date at your place so you were currently cuddling on your couch, a few minutes later matt hears soft snores coming from below him.

he looks down to see your sleeping figure “i knew it” he mutters.

you would constantly be complaining that you were tired and matt would bully you every time.

“i’m so tired” you yawn “per usual” you look up at him giving a judgmental stare “am i wrong?” you giggle in response know he was right.

when going on a road trip together he already knew to grab a pillow and blanket for you even if it was only an hour.

you lock the door to you and matts shared apartment walking to the passenger side door.

when you open the door to find a pillow and blanket already in the floor board waiting for you “you really do know the way to a girls heart matthew” giving him a peck on the lips “only yours”

NSFW ★

when you and matt took a nap together you would most likely end up having sleepy sex.

“please matt” you grind your ass against his clothed half hard member “fuck, thought you wanted to take a nap” he groans, even though he intended to sleep he liked this idea much better.

“i need your cock inside me, please, a nap can wait” next thing you know his cock is inside of you making slow sensual thrust, the only noises heard was both of your low moans.

some nights would end up with you lazily bouncing up and down on him, even though you were so tired you needed him more.

“there you go baby” matt praises as you lower yourself down on him, a string of moans leaving your mouth, you started off slow but eventually worked up your speed wanting nothing more than to feel him.

“m’so close” you moan “fuck, cum on my cock baby”

you didn’t always want sex sometimes you just wanted his cock inside of you while sleeping.

“are you sure?” you nod your head “yes, please matt” he pulls his cock out of his boxers sliding your panties to the side before sliding himself inside of you.

you sigh in contentment no longer feeling empty before drifting off to sleep together.

matt would sometimes purposely wake you up when he got back from filming after he had seen the dark patch on your panties, the position your in giving him full view.

you wake up to matts hand cupping your pussy, his lips making contact with your neck “i missed you” he whispers “i see that” you giggle “i missed you too, a’lot”

“i see that” he mocks as his thumb rubs on the dark patch in your panties, you let out a whimper at his actions “i need you”

“you’ll get me baby, you’ll get me”

© luvs4matt

[lovelynicho]

y’know that meme “ah yes. me. my partner. and their $500 4ft tall mareep” could i request that with the teamies like basically how they’d react to seeing their partner cuddle with a giant plushie instead of them (maybe even flip the roles with fuma since he’s our resident pokemon lover so he gets to cuddle with a giant pokemon plush)

&team reaction - to cuddling a giant plushie

Pairing: &team x gn!reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: not proofread; lmk if there's more

Note: I hope this is what you were looking for anon, this request is so cute btw; english is not my first language I apologize for any mistakes

Masterlist

K

Cuddling with K has to be the best feeling in the world. Hugging his impossibly tiny waist, having his strong arms wrapped around you while breathing in his soft scent. It feels like heaven. But sometimes when he's away you can still crave cuddles. These are the times you opt for hugging the cute but insanely big plushie you got from your boyfriend. The same thing happened one day when you got bored at home. You didn't expect Yudai to come over that day so you just cuddled the stuffed animal while listening to some soft music. But K had different plans, so he came over using his spare keys to surprise you with take out from your favourite fast food restaurant. He put the food down on the kitchen table and started to look for you. When he opened the door to your room where he heard the music playing from his jaw dropped. Thankfully you were facing the door so you immediately noticed him and lifted your head with a huge smile while calling his name rambling something about how happy you were to see him. But Yudai was busy being jealous at the plushie. 'I know that thing is cute but I bet I can cuddle you better' he said while putting away the soft animal and replacing it with himself.

Fuma

If anyone then Fuma is really a man who look though and serious. But actually his tall, masculine body and ocean deep voice is quite the opposite of his personality. Ever since you got to know him you knew that he is way softer than he looks, but you never seen him as the type of person who would hug stuffed animals. So obviously you were quite surprised when you entered his room and saw him cuddling the giant plush of his favourite pokemon that you got him for his birthday, while scrolling on his phone. You looked at him whit a huge smile on your lips "looks like you don't even need me anymore" hearing your voice he looked up from doom scrolling and started laughing like there's no tomorrow. "I always have a place for you in my arms, angel"

Nicholas

You went over to his place for the night but unexpectedly he had to leave because of something work related. He told you he wouldn't be gone for more than an hour but it has been three hours and to tell the truth, you were getting kinda sleepy. So you went in his room picking up the giant plushie he got from you and took it out with you to the couch. You didn't intend to fall asleep, you just wanted to get into a comfortable position while hugging something, but that just made it even easier for you to doze off. When Nicholas stepped into the living room he tought you would be asleep because it got really late, but what he didn't expect to see is to witness you cuddling something that wasn't him. How could you even do that when you knew that HIM, your beautiful and cuddly boyfriend, was coming home? Ofcourse he also wanted you to get some sleep so he didn't wake you up, just picked you up and put you on his bed as careful as possible so you could stay asleep. But before doing all of that he made sure to click a photo of you cuddling the plushie so he can tease you about it in the morning.

EJ

You were sooo tired, you had such a long day and really just wanted to rest. You invited Euijoo over but he said he can only go half an hour later. You told him that the door will be unlocked and then you just fell into your bed finding and hugging the biggest plushie you could find, and you fell asleep immediately. When Euijoo arrived he even bought you some food hoping it will put you in a better mood. He had a feeling that you will be in your room since you already sounded pretty tired when he talked to you, he just didn't expect that you would already be deeply in your dreams. He just stared at you for a few minutes because he tought you looked extremely cute hugging the huge plushie that was almost bigger than you. But he didn't want you to think later that ypu invited him over for nothing, because you obviously find something really good to cuddle, so he ended up climbing on the bed behind you and spooning you to which you opened your eyes a little. "Juju?" you called as you tried to lift your body to find him with your eyes. "It's okay darling, just go back go sleep" he wishpered in your ear, hugging your waist tightly and with his presence you found it really easy to fly back to your dreams.

Yuma

You already settled a date in the dorms but when you arrived the members told you he was running late because of some extra schedules. You decided to wait for him in his room. As you were trying to find a comfortable position you found the huge plushie he always kept on his bed. You grabbed it and trapped it in your arms and turned out that's all you needed to get completely comfortable. When Yuma arrived the members told him you were waiting for him in his room. When he opened the door to you cuddling his huge plushie he couldn't help but smile, his little tooth peaking through his lips. "You look so cute" he started, which made you laugh but you wouldn't let go of the stuffed animal you were holding. "But I think since I'm here, you don't need that anymore" he said as he took the plushie from you. You really wanted to act like you were offended by his actions but the moment he hugged you all you could do was smile and hug him back tightly, like you were afraid that he could be ripped out of your arms, just like what happened to that plushie moments ago.

Jo

Jo might be a 6ft tall man but you have no doubt that he is actually pocket sized. Sometimes he's so cute, so sweet that all you want to do is just put him in your pocket. You got the same feeling when you first saw him cuddling a huge plushie. You were on your way to the boys' dorms but you forgot to tell your boyfriend you were coming over. When you knocked on the door a surprised K greeted you. He said he didn't expect you to come over today because usually when you do, Jo is already so excited to see you he tells everyone you're coming, despite his normally silent nature. That's when you remembered you didn't even tell your boyfriend you would be making an appearance today but you tought it wasn't a big deal. However it turned out to be a big deal to Jo, because when you opened the door and saw him cuddling a stuffed animal, noticing your presence he became so embarassed. He was red like a tomato silently scolding you for not telling you were coming over. You tried to calm him down by saying you tought he was cute with that plushie but it just made his cheeks burn in a brighter shade of red.

Harua

You started dating around his birthday so then you didn't know what to give him as a gift. You ended up buying him a huge bunny plushie saying that it looked exactly like him. Since then you only saw it in the corner of his bed, always at the same place, you had no idea he ever muved it from there sometimes to use it as a cuddle buddy. But one day when you went over unannounced you caught him in the act. Originally you didn't think you could make it to his place that day and that's what you told him, but your plans changed and you found yourself knocking on the door of the dorms. When Taki opened the door he just let you know that Harua was in his room, so without thinking twice you just entered there without knocking. And there was he. Lying on the bed, phone in his hands while hugging the bunny that was almost as big as him. You let out a soft laugh wich didn't go unnoticed by him. He was so happy to see you, he immediatly run to you, hugging you tightly. Ofcourse you hugged him back saying 'it seemed for a moment that you liked hugging someone else much more' to wich Harua simply replied 'nothing is better than cuddling with you'.

Taki

You knew he was coming over. You even left your apartment's door open for him. But while waiting for Taki you decided to scroll on your phone because time just flies when you do that. The most comfortable position for that activity is when you cuddle your giant plushie. Ofcourse you didn't think it was a big deal, why would it be, it's just a stuffed animal. But when Taki entered the room, wanting to surprise you, he just HAD to be all dramatuc about it. The boy let out a loud gasp which grabbed your attention and when you looked at his face you could he looked like he was betrayed. 'Traitor' he mumbled under his breath. 'I can explain-' you started going along with the dramatic play. But you were too late. He was already all over you starting a tickling war because you had the audacity to cuddle a plushie.

Maki

You got a huge dog plushie from him before he left for tour. He told you that if you wanted to cuddle him while he's away, this plushie is almost as good as him. Almost! You really couldn't wait until he comes back, but somehow you mixed up the dates. You tought he would affive only tomorrow while Maki was already on his way to your place from the airport. You were craving some cuddles so you grabbed the huge dog plushie and hugged it tightly to your chest, wishing you could finally hug your boyfriend. Little did you know it would become reality sooner than you'd expect. Maki got into your apartment with his spare key and tought you'll be in your room. He was right, but the sight before him was unexpected. "I gave you that plushie for days when I'm away, but I told you I'm coming back today" he said pretending he was offended. You tried to explain that you probably just mixed up the dates but he was busy playing the hurt boyfriend. "Come on, your cuddles are way better anyways" you begged to him at this point. He couldn't take the act anymore and bursted out laughing. "I know" he said as he climbed on the bed to finally hug you after such a long time.

[ludolka]

Do u think that Joel sometimes leaves Grians feather on his pillow and pretends there's still warmth there? That nothing's changed? That it isn't eeriely quiet and that his bed isnt empty of a bird that clings to him like he's the only touch that understands? Do u think he still wakes up, reaching for wings that he won't feel again? Maybe he missed being kicked or woken up to a soft voice asking for help with his wings. Maybe he craves the destructiveness, the chaos, the obsession. (Sorry for being insane you made me think heavily about the feather thing) ((I really *really* hope this ain't too dark or sad my writer brain was buzzing all day))

Nonny, I literally just woke up from a nap and this is the first thing I read and now I have feels and thoughts-

Oh how I love your brain. This is amazing, I love this so much. I’ll draw a comic based on this probably later today or maybe write a fic, I’ll decide which fits with my vision better. Also, I’m surprised how many people got feels because of that comic, both on here and TT, I didn’t even intend for it to be angsty :’)

I can totally see him being like this !! During the day, whether he’s alone or has company, he can be a tough guy who acts like he doesn’t care. He can create his own chaos or new alliances (relationships cough cough). Grian’s off doing whatever, maybe he’s with others, or working on a new building project, or in a different plane of existence with the watchers. Joel isn’t the type to go crawling back to anyone, let alone to someone like Grian. He’s fine by himself, he doesn’t need that clingy bird

But at night, when he’s truly alone, he lets his mask slip. There are no distractions, he can’t busy his mind or hands with anything while laying in bed trying to sleep. And he’s more desperate than he’d be willing to admit. He curses himself for throwing away so much of Grian’s fallen feathers and only keeping a handful. He shapes his blanket like a body next to his, but it’s not good enough, a blanket can’t hug him, so he opts to hug the blanket himself, being the big spoon for once. He places the few feathers he has on the second pillow next to his and hates how they are the color they are because he can’t see them in the dark. He wonders, again more times than he’d be willing to admit, whether Grian is sleeping alone or with someone else. If Grian is clinging to pillows and blankets in place of a body or if he’s clinging to someone else, maybe pretending it’s Joel again

He sometimes talks to the feathers once he’s tired enough that his brain doesn’t fight with him on it, about how absurd it is or how pathetic he is for doing so. He talks about his day, his upcoming plans, whatever rambling or ranting his tired brain can think of. He never tells the feathers he misses him though, that’d feel too vulnerable and speaking the words would make it feel more real to him

He falls asleep pretending like he isn’t alone and wakes up either still during the night or in the morning, thinking he isn’t for a few blissful moments before reality sets in and leaves him disappointed and yearning. He often finds himself thinking back to all the times they teamed up and somehow always ended up in the same bed at night, how he used to find it annoying at first, but how good he had it then and how little he used to really appreciate it

Truth is, he does miss their joint chaos and destruction, how easy it is to understand each other, how well they bounce off of each other, the banter and the arguing and the making up. He misses sleeping together, the sound of the other’s breathing, the warmth. He misses Grian

And to kinda circle back to a sentence you wrote, “Maybe he craves the destructiveness, the chaos, the obsession”, the obsession never left, he just no longer has an outlet for it

And he knows they’ll find each other again eventually, they always do. No force is strong enough to keep them separated for long. It’s just always unpredictable when, sometimes it’s weeks, sometimes it’s months. Maybe if they weren’t so stubborn and prideful they’d stop waiting for the other to make the first move and just seek each other out and have a proper vulnerable conversation. But they wouldn’t be themselves if they did that, they’d need to be different people to be able to do that. They can be open and vulnerable with each other at times, but never about their feelings for each other

In a different base, in a different place Grian waits each night to hear Joel. They can’t have an actual conversation like this, but the other doesn’t seem to mind that he’s talking alone and not getting a response. The more time they spend apart, the more regular these nightly “talks” get. And whenever they happen and he falls asleep to Joel’s voice, he sleeps better and wakes up feeling emptier

[ilwonuu]

hi! can u req a joshua fluff (with smut haha) in which shua will surprise wife!y/n on her bday but y/n has bigger news (🤰).. thank u 🩷🩵

omg yes!! i love this idea sm!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR REQUEST💖💖

▸ ִֶָ ⊹all for you. h. jisoo

summary- your husband wants to make your birthday the most memorable birthday you have ever had. he surprises you with a beautiful date night. but you have a bigger surprise;)

warnings- fluff with plot, smut with plot, lots of love (ew), pregnancy sex, unprotected sex, pet names(honey, my love, reader calls joshua shua a lot), dirty talk, oral fem receiving, breeding kink kinda???, creampie, lots and lots of affection, hoshi is mentioned a few times, happy marriage, lmk if i missed anything 😘

authors note- i made this way longer than i intended it to be bc i kinda got carried away. i hope there isn’t too many typos since i haven’t proof read it yet and stuff anyways thank you for reading<3

joshua always would go all out for your birthday. he would do anything he can do make sure you had the best day ever. you never had any worries about your birthday but this one was a little different. you had something important to talk to him about. it was that you guys are going to be parents. you know he will be happy with the news but there is a voice in the back of your head saying that this might ruin your birthday. you love your husband and he loves you but we’re you guys ready to have a baby?

you roll out of bed around 10 am seeing your husband is nowhere to be found in the bedroom. making your way to your bathroom to wash up. “shua?? where are you?” you yell loud enough for him to hear from the bathroom. “honey im in the kitchen! im making you breakfast in bed so go lay back down.” he says shouting back. you smile at his words complying with what he asked you to do. getting back into your shared comfy bed.

joshua comes into not to late after you do with a plate of pancakes, bacon,fruit, and your favorite coffee he makes for you. “happy birthday my beautiful wife. you deserve the world.” he says setting your food down on the table next to you bending down to pull you into a sweet kiss. “thank you shua. i really appreciate you.” you smile at him and grab your food. “and i love you so much. i have so many things planned for you today. you feeling up to it?” he asks sitting next to you on your bed. you nod eating your food. “i love you too.”

he kisses your cheek and steals a piece of your bacon. “can i have this?” he asks taking a bite. “shua you’re already eating it.” you laugh at him taking another bite of your pancakes. “i did good on this bacon. it tastes so good.” he smiles at you and kisses your face all over. “okay my love i was thinking we could go shopping a little bit and then we can come back and watch a movie then i can make you dinner. or we can go out to eat. whatever you would like honey.” he says giving sweet kisses against your neck. “mm that sounds so nice shua. you are too sweet to me.” you finish your food turning to pull him into a hug. “you deserve it beautiful. wanna go back to sleep for a little longer or should we start getting ready?” you get under the covers. “definitely more sleep.” you say pulling him to cuddle you. “of course honey. rest all you want we can get up when you want.” he say kissing you before closing his eyes nuzzling his face into your neck. you two both falling asleep tangled in eachothers arms.

—

you wake up a few hours later shifting slightly seeing a still asleep joshua. kissing his forehead slightly before heading to the bathroom. quickly peeing before coming back into your bed room. “mm honey are you ready to get up?” he says still with his eyes closed. “yes i am if you are shua.” he finally opens his eyes stretching slightly smiling at you. “okay honey we can shower real quick then we can leave to do your shopping.” you nod making your way to the bathroom with him slowly following behind you. shutting the door after you both. “come here my love.” he says pulling you into a hug kissing you softly. “you look so beautiful today honey. i can never get bored of looking at you.” he kisses down your jaw making his way down your neck. “mm shua that was cheesy.” you laugh moving your head a little so he can have a better angle. “you love it tho.” he lifts you to sit on the sink smiling at you while he pulls off his shirt. “you smell so good. i bet you’ll taste even better.” he smiles pecking your lips again. “can i?” he asks rubbing your thigh slightly. “hm can you what shua?” he laughs. “can i eat you out? i really want to make you feel good. then we can take a shower hm??” you nod slowly.

he smiles at you before kneeling in front on you slowly pulling your shorts and panties down in one quick movement. “my love you’re soaking. what have you been thinking about?” he looks up at you kissing your inner thighs. “y-you. i want you shua pl-“ he cuts you off by licking a long stripe up your slit humming against you. causing you hands to immediately go to his hair. “o-oh shua feels so good.” he smirks against you slowly inserting his tongue inside of you fucking it into you slightly. you tug on his hair slightly rougher this time throwing your head back in pleasure. “holy shit shua. p-please don’t stop.” and he doesn’t he continues his movements looking up at you through his eyelashes. slowly bringing his finger up to rub your clit. he is moaning into your pussy sending tingles down your spine. he is lost in eating you out. his face now having your arousal all over it.

his dick is now rock hard in his shorts as he watches your face change more and more with the pleasure he is giving you. “shua im gonna c-cum!” he continues watching you rubbing your clit faster feeling you clench around his tongue. you immediately release on his tongue moaning his name. he licks up all you cum before standing up and smiling at you. “i can never get enough of that my love. you taste amazing.” you still trying to catch your breath before moving to stand up. he pulls you into a sweet kiss. “see? you are so sweet.” he kisses your cheek. “lets shower hm?” he smiles before pulling both of your clothes off starting the water for the shower.

—

“shua i’m all ready to go!” you say making your way to your living room where he is waiting. he smiles at you. “you look beautiful honey. lets go.” he grabs your hand leading you guys out of the house and to his car.

the car ride to the mall was filled with you two singing the music that you wanted to play. “okay we have arrived!! lets go in.” he smiles getting out of your car making his way to your side to let you out. “my love.” he smiles grabbing your hand. “my shua.” you say laughing. “what store do you want to go in first?” he says as you two are hand and hand making your way into the mall.

—

what you didn’t know is that joshua had a surprise for you. he has asked the guys to help set up your house for the perfect movie and dinner night. and thats why he had you guys leave a little early to go shopping. joshua is somewhat nervous something will go wrong. causing him to be paranoid sending soonyoung a text.

joshua- are you guys almost done? y/n is getting tired of shopping she wants to come home soon.

soonyoung- yes! we have a few more things to do for your room like you asked and then we’ll be leaving.

joshua- oh thank god. thank you thank you. i appreciate you guys helping i owe you.

soonyoung- no problem. we love y/n she deserves a good day!!

joshua- love u😘

soonyoung- love u too 😨

soonyoung- tell me how she likes it!!!

“joshua? who are you texting?” you say smiling at him and his focused expression. “just soonyoung. him and the guys say happy birthday.” you make a sweet expression. “aw thats sweet. tell them i say thank you and that i love them.” “will do my love.” he smiles putting his phone away. “okay i’m thinking one more store then we can leave okay honey?” he says smiling before walking into another store with you.

—

soonyoung- we just finished! good luck bro tell me how it goes

“okay my love you ready to go?” you nod quickly. “please my feet hurt.” you say laughing as he puts you on his back running to the car. “joshua im heavy you better not drop me!” he laughs at you. “first of all you are nowhere near heavy and i would never drop my beautiful wife okay?” you roll your eyes at him. “you’re being so cheesy today.” he puts you down as you make it to the car. “once again i know you love it.” you scoff looking away from him. “okay maybe a little bit. but only a little!!” you say as he opens your car door for you. “come on my love lets get you home.” he says quickly starting the car to head back to your house.

you two arrive back noticing his mood changing slightly to a more nervous one. “you okay shua?” he smiles at you. “of course i just want you to have a good day.” “shua i am having the best day ever. you are treating me so well do not worry.” you rub his back. “i always worry because you deserve the best y/n.” “you are the best shua. you are the sweetest person i could ask for. you never have to worry you always make me feel so special.” you pull him into a kiss. “come on love lets go inside.” you say getting out the car following him into your house.

you walk into your home seeing all the rose pedals and candles lit. “joshua you didn’t have to do all this.” you look at him lovingly feeling him pull you in to hug him. “i know honey but like i said you deserve the best. i asked the guys to help with the decorations. do you like it?” he asks rubbing your back softly. “i love it joshie thank you.” he smiles. “okay my love have you decided if you wanna go out to dinner or have me cook?” “mm i don’t really feel like leaving again i would rather stay and have you cook for me if thats okay.” he kisses you sweetly. “of course my love. you hungry now or do you want to wait?” you think for a second. “i’m a little bit hungry now.” he nods kissing your forehead before making his way into the kitchen. “okay well you get comfortable i will start on dinner okay?” you nod smiling at him making your way to the couch.

you loved joshua. he is the best husband you could ever ask for. he was always this sweet. when you guys first started dating he was embarrassed about how much he would do for you. he would go out of his way to see you even when he barely had the time. joshua loved you and he had no doubt that he was gonna spend the rest of his life with you. when he asked you to marry him you were shocked but relieved that he felt the same way about how strong your love is. you had nothing to worry about with him. now you’re feeling a little uneasy. what if he isn’t ready to have kids with you? he knows that you guys have unprotected sex all the time. but sometimes he just doesn’t want to pull out. it was bound to happen right? how do you go about tell him? before dinner? after dinner? tomorrow? you’re all over the place. you took the pregnancy test just a couple of days ago. but last night you took another just to be sure and as they all said you were pregnant.

you turn on your tv pulling you away from your thoughts for a moment putting on a rom com for you and joshua to watch when he is done cooking. you get lost in the movie as you wait for the food to be done. “my love dinner is served.” he says bringing over a steak dinner he prepared. “shua it smells so good. thank you so much.” you smile at him as he sits down with his food next to you. “of course honey you know i’d do anything for you.” he kisses your forehead again before both of you begin to eat. you finish your food rather fast causing joshua to laugh. “you really were hungry hm my love.” he smiles finishing up his food shortly after. you nod moving closer to him.

“what do you want to do now my love? want to watch another movie? want a massage? i can make love to you. the choice is yours.” you shake your head. “actually um..i need to tell you something.” he shifts to look at you. “oh really? whats up my love you look nervous.”

you don’t look back at him. trying to figure out how to tell him. “um well uh i went the store the other night right and i grabbed a few things.” he nods showing you that he is listening to you closely. “u-uh so well i got a few pregnancy tests just to have them. and i took the tests just because i wanted to see what it would say. um joshua i’m pregnant.” he doesn’t take his eyes off you. not know what to say right away. “are you serious? we’re gonna have a baby?” he says immediately holding your stomach looking at you so happily. you nod tearing up slightly. “we’re gonna be parents.” you smile now crying a little bit. “oh my god??? we’re gonna be parents. you’re gonna be a mom! im gonna be a dad??” he pulls you into a kiss. “i love you so much. i cannot believe this. im so happy y/n. i wouldn’t want to experience this with anyone else.” he rubs your stomach softly. “you are gonna be the most gorgeous mommy.” he kisses you and pulls you onto his lap. “i was so nervous to tell you all day. i was scared you were gonna leave me or something when i told you.”

he shakes his head “my love you know i would never leave you in a million years. you’re stuck with me forever.” he kisses you deeply rubbing your side slightly. you start to grind your hips down onto him moaning slightly. “is making love to me still on the table?” you ask smirking slightly. “of course honey whatever you want i will give to you.” he pulls you into another kiss. this one seeming more desperate and rough causing you to moan slightly into the kiss. “mm lets go up to the bedroom so i can do this properly.” he lifts you up and takes you to the room. he lays you down on the bed gently climbing over you. “i can’t wait to see you with your baby bump. you’re gorgeous now but i know im gonna fall even deeper in love with you.” he says causing you to tear up again. “j-jesus joshua you’re gonna make me cry.” he wipes the tear that escapes your eye and kisses you cheek. “don’t cry my love. i mean what i said. you are everything to me. let me show you how much you mean to me.”

he slowly takes off both of your clothing. he trails kisses down your body making you whimper quietly. “mm honey i want to hear you okay? don’t hide from me. you sound so beautiful.” he says before kissing around your neck and chest.

“let me finger you so i don’t hurt you m’kay?” slowly gliding his finger over your slit.

joshua wasn’t huge but he was not anything close to small. you will never get used to how big his dick in no matter how many times you guys have had sex.

he slowly inserts a finger into you moaning as he feels how wet you are. “my pretty pretty girl. you look so gorgeous like this. i wanna look at you forever.”

you moan as he slides another finger into you gently as he kisses your nose. “mm shua please more. it feels so g-good.” your eyes rolling to the back of your head. he complies sliding a third finger into you kissing up your body again. “yea my love? you gonna make a mess on my fingers? do it honey i want you to make a mess for me. can you do that pretty?” he smiles moving some of your hair out of your face. you nod as he curls his fingers deeper inside you. hitting the spot you need him at most over and over. “s-shua i’m gonna cum.” he nods “yea honey? cum for me. i want to taste all of it my love.” he pulls you into a kiss slowly slipping his tongue into your mouth. that brought you over the edge. you clench around his fingers pulling away from the kiss releasing a loud moan. “mm thats it pretty. fuck you’re doing so well.” you immediately cum after hearing those words. he continues to fuck his fingers into you having you ride out your high.

pulling his fingers out shortly after to pull them up to his mouth and suck on them licking them clean. “you taste so fucking good every time. i could eat your cum for every meal if you’d let me.” you laugh at him slightly. “mm i could do the same for you.” he smiles slighting rubbing his dick along your folds. “you ready my pretty girl?”

you nod quickly looking down at where he is rubbing you. seeing he immediately starts pushing in slowly. his head is thrown back and his head is already sweaty causing hair to stick to his forehead. “fuck you are so tight still my love.” he watches you face as your fucked out expression turns into a more fucked out expression. he pushes in all the way bottoming out not beginning to move yet so you can adjust. “you okay honey? you’re taking me so well. “ he doesn’t take his eyes off of you and where you two are connected. “i-i’m okay shua. you can move.” he smiles before pulling out and slowly pushing back in causing him to release a few grunts. “s-shit you’re always so tight. i’m sorry baby im gonna cum so quick.” you just moan as you feel him thrust deeper inside of you.

“you’re so wet my love im sliding right in.” he says with his mouth falling open as he watches how he fucks you. sex has filled the room. the sound of your wetness, skin slapping, your high pitched moans, and joshuas deep grunts. “s-shua harder please.” he doesn’t say another word grabbing your hands and pinning them above your head fucking you deeper and harder. “like this?” he says cursing under his breath again. “y-yes fuck! oh my god you’re so deep shua i cant.” he groans again leaving more kisses on your body.

“you’re taking me so well my love. pretty pussy, pretty girl, everything about you is so. fucking. pretty.” he punctuates the words with a harder thrust each time.

“i’m c-close shua!” he moves his other hand down to open your legs wider. “shit honey me too im gonna fill you up. you want that? want me to fuck another baby into you?” you nod dumbly not being able to respond at this point. “you gonna cum pretty? i feel you clenching around me. feels so fucking good.” he throws his head back again feeling you release your juices onto his dick. “fuck yes my love. cum on my dick. make a mess all for me.” his dick twitches at his own words as he cums deep inside you.

fucking into you slowly as he calms down from his high. he pulls out a little after watching as his cum mixed with yours flows onto the bed. “look at you my pretty mess. fuck honey. you did so well for me.” you nod at him and sit up slightly feeling more cum drip out of you. “let me get something to clean you up my love.” he gets up pulling on his shorts heading into the bathroom to grab a rag. he wets it with warm water before making his way back into your room cleaning you up gently.

“you okay honey?” you hum. “never been better.” he finishes cleaning you up and grabs you a new pair of clothes handing it to you. “here you go honey let me change the sheets then we can lay down.

—

you didn’t realize that you fell asleep after you guys got back into bed after cleaning up. you wake up to see your lovely husband laying next to you. talking on the phone to who you assume is to be soonyoung or seokmin. “yea shes sleeping right now when she wakes- oh shes awake one second.” h shifts to you. “im so sorry honey did i wake you up? you were sleeping so peacefully.” you shake your head and smile. “its okay shua don’t worry.” he nods before pulling his phone from his ear putting it on speaker.

“soonyoung she can hear you say hello.” he says looking at you. “hi y/n!! happy birthday i hope you liked the decorations.” you smiled “yes i loved it so much. thank you guys for helping shua do that for me it means a lot.”

“no problem at all y/n we love you more than we love joshua!” you laugh slightly as you see your husband roll your eyes. “oh soonyoung i can tell you our news now that shes awake i didn’t want to tell you without her.” he is all smiley now excited to tell him what is gonna be in the next chapter of your life. “okay tell me!! are you guys moving into a new house?? what hurry up!!!” soonyoung says causing you both to laugh. “you want to tell him honey?” he says grabbing a hold of your hand. “yea. well you’re about to be uncle soonyoungie!” the line is silent for a second and then there is a loud scream. “Y/N YOURE PREGNANT OH MY GOD.”

“yes we are having a baby.” you smile at joshua to see that he is already looking at you with so much love in his eyes. “that is amazing you guys. im so happy for you. we need to throw a baby shower! got to go i need to start planning this!” he hangs up making you and joshua laugh at him again. he pulls you into his arms. “i love you so much. can’t wait to see you be the best mom ever.” he kisses you deeply not letting go of you for the rest of the night.

[dandylovesturtles]

I should be in bed lol but I wanted to write a turtle tot sick fic so here

I went into this with no plan and it ended up uh. way sadder than I intended. whoops.

cw: mentions of vomit

...

Blue slept through naptime. That should have been Splinter's first clue.

In the moment, he'd just been so happy to actually have four sleeping children that he'd taken the opportunity for his own nap, the old, tattered storybook he'd been reading them draped over his face. He never managed to get Blue to wind down enough to sleep, so he usually had to quietly entertain him with books or the tv on low until the others woke up. But his Baby Blue had conked out almost immediately today, and soon Splinter was snoozing right along with them.

Blue was also the last to wake up. That should have been the second clue.

Splinter was woken up by Orange, talking in loud, disjointed sentences with plenty of nonsense words as he played with an old plastic telephone Splinter had found them. Red was racing his toy cars, making his own sound effects as they skid across the floor and crashed into the wall. Only Purple was quiet, industriously sorting his legos by color and size.

Splinter sat up, letting the book slide off his face, and took stock. It was surprising to see Blue still curled up against his leg even in the midst of all the racket his brothers were making. "Blue?" he said softly, giving the little turtle a nudge. Blue blinked his eyes open, groggily looking around. "Naptime is over."

Blue pushed himself up into a sitting position, then rubbed clumsily at his eyes. He looked so tired still that Splinter debated telling him he could keep sleeping, even if it might make putting him to bed later more difficult.

But once Blue was up, he saw Red racing his cars and pushed quickly to his feet, hurrying over to join in the game. Almost immediately he was demanding Red hand over one of the cars and setting up an elaborate make-believe track for their race, so Splinter let it go.

Thirty minutes later, Blue tugged on Splinter's old sweatpants and said, "Daddy, my tummy hurts." In hindsight, this is exactly when Splinter should have put it together.

But the kids rarely got sick - a benefit of whatever Draxum had put in the gunk that turned them into this, Splinter assumed. Which was a blessing, because he was pretty limited in what medicine he could get in his condition. The boys having a hearty immune system was one of the few things Splinter had going for him.

So he hadn't moved to that conclusion. Instead he said, "Do you need to go potty?" and Blue had considered that very seriously for a few seconds before nodding and rushing off to the bathroom.

Orange threw the plastic phone into Purple's meticulously organized lego piles and Splinter moved on to the next crisis without another thought.

It was at dinner, when he caught Blue pushing his food (mac'n'cheese!) around without interest, that it finally clicked that maybe he should be worried.

"Blue, what's wrong?"

Blue didn't so much as look up. He shrugged, swirling his noodles around and around.

Splinter would be embarrassed to admit how long it took him to remember their earlier conversation, but it eventually came back to him. "Ah... Is your stomach still hurting?"

Blue's face scrunched up in misery, and he nodded.

Splinter groaned in exasperation. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did!"

"I mean after you went potty."

Blue grimaced. Instead of answering, he scooped up some mac'n'cheese and stuffed it in his mouth. He looked like he regretted it as soon as he'd done it.

"Do not spit that out," said Splinter immediately, because mac'n'cheese was one of the few things Purple would eat and if Blue spat it out in front of him it would go on his Bad Foods list for at least a month. And Orange had a habit of mimicking anything Blue did, which would only compound the problem.

Blue chewed and swallowed the mouthful agonizingly slowly. He looked so miserable afterward that Splinter felt bad about it.

"Are you going to throw up, Blue?" he asked, and got a furious head shake in response. "Are you just telling me that?" Another shake. "Do you want to keep eating?" A third shake. Splinter sighed and took his bowl from him. "Alright. I'll put this in the fridge, if you want it later."

Their mini-fridge was already stuffed full, but Splinter would simply have to make space, or throw all this mac'n'cheese out. He wished they had a bigger fridge, but just getting this back to the juncture in the sewers he called a home had been difficult enough.

He wished he had a bigger fridge. He wished he had a house. He wished he had a pediatrician to take Blue to. He wished he wasn't a rat man. He wished he and his kids were... normal.

It was a bad thought. He knew that as soon as he thought it, and he tried to push it down. The kids didn't need to know they weren't normal. That none of this was normal. He knew that, but...

"Throw up?" he heard Purple say, and then the telltale sound of him pushing his bowl away. Mac'n'cheese was on the Bad Foods list. Splinter groaned.

...

He found their old thermometer after the boys were finished eating. Getting a temperature from Blue was near impossible because he moved it around too much or spat it out before time was up, but Splinter would have to do his best.

After three tries, he got a reading that seemed accurate enough. Blue's body ran colder than a human child's, and it had taken observation and trial and error for Splinter to learn what constituted as a fever. As it was, Blue was only two degrees above his normal. So at least that wasn't too worrying.

He was still complaining that his stomach hurt, though. A stomach bug, then? Or just something he ate? Usually Red was the one who would put random things in his mouth unless Splinter kept a careful watch, but Blue and Orange were... adventurous eaters, too. It was possible.

They continued with their normal bedtime routine. Another thing Splinter had going for him was that his boys loved baths; getting them into their makeshift tub, even with lukewarm water, was always easy. From his research, Red, Blue, and Purple were all aquatic turtles, and Orange was not one to be left out of his brothers’ games no matter his biology.

Blue wasn't excited for bath time tonight, though. He sat quietly in the tub, making grumpy noises anytime he got splashed and playing only with his favorite blue shark toy, ignoring everything else. He definitely felt bad. Splinter was feeling increasingly terrible that he hadn't noticed.

He got them all toweled off and into their pajamas. Then into the pallet beds he had for them, all in one big shared alcove, a tattered curtain strung up for a semblance of privacy. They would need something more as they got older, but for now the boys seemed content to share space.

He tucked Red, Purple, and Orange in, then turned his attention to Blue. He had found an old bucket earlier that he (theoretically) used for mopping, and this he presented to Blue.

"If you are going to throw up, please do it in this," he told Blue. "We don't have any spare sheets."

"Not gonna," said Blue grumpily, pushing the bucket away.

"Ewww," whined Purple. "I don't want to share with Leo if he throws up."

"Not gonna!" Blue insisted, glaring at Purple, who glared back. Splinter sighed and pushed the bucket at Blue again.

"I am serious, Leonardo," he said, and that got Blue's attention. "If you throw up, do it in this bucket."

Instead of answering, Blue rolled over and scrunched himself up in a ball. That was the best Splinter was going to get, he supposed, so he just sighed and put the bucket next to Blue's bed.

"Good night, boys," he said as he got to his feet, ignoring the crackles from his back and knees.

"Good niiiight," came three echoes. Blue was giving him the silent treatment. Alright.

He went back to his own bed, sectioned off by an old divider screen he'd managed to find. Hopefully they could at least get through the night without disaster striking.

...

According to his beat up alarm clock, it was only two hours later when Red showed up by his bedside, shaking him awake urgently.

Splinter groaned his way into consciousness, blinking groggy eyes until his eldest son came into focus.

"Leo threw up," came Red's predictable report.

Splinter sighed, pushing his sheets aside and rising from his futon. "Did he make it in the bucket?"

Red's expression was not encouraging.

...

He had not made it in the bucket.

Blue sat stock still in the puddle of his own sick, eyes teary and expression a mix between stunned and embarrassed. Purple was pressed as close to the opposite wall as he could get, hands pressed tight over his nose and mouth. Orange was at Blue's side, patting his arm with his chubby little hand.

"Blue," Splinter snapped as soon as he saw the mess. "Why didn't you throw up in the bucket!?"

"Didn't think I was gonna," Blue croaked.

"Well, you did. All over your sheets." Splinter ran his hands over his tired eyes. "Now you have nothing for tonight. And who knows if I'll even be able to get the stain out. I may have to go all the way to the surface to get new ones, and do you know what a hassle that is!? The bucket was right here, Blue!"

"I'm sorry."

The miserable hiccup in Blue's voice effectively stopped Splinter's tirade, and he refocused on his son. Blue's tears had spilled over, streaking down his miserable face. He was shivering, hands clutching the fabric of his ruined sheets, wringing them tight. He looked terrified.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," he repeated. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Something inside Splinter cracked.

Leo was only four, by his best guess. He was a baby, still. A sick baby, and Splinter was yelling at him about... about bed sheets?

Blue didn't know that Splinter would have to steal him new sheets. He didn't know that Splinter feared every time he did something so risky, that it might expose their tiny family to hostile forces - the human authorities, Big Mama's goons, Draxum's gargoyles. He didn't know that Splinter should be taking him to a doctor right now. He didn't know that sleeping on a pallet bed in the sewers wasn't normal.

He just knew that he had thrown up, and his dad was mad about it.

Immediately, Splinter stooped and scooped the still-apologizing Blue into his arms. He was getting bigger all the time, and, somehow, Splinter was getting smaller, but he could still hold his boys in his arms, still cradle them against his chest.

"Blue... Leo, listen to me."

"I'm sorry," Blue mumbled again, followed by a sad, wet hiccup.

"Shh, shh, no, my son, please listen." He waited until teary eyes were turned on him to continue. "You don't need to apologize. You did nothing wrong."

"Missed the bucket," said Blue, and Splinter shook his head.

"That's alright. You're sick. It is my job to take care of these things." He scratched at the back of Blue's shell with the arm holding him, something he knew always calmed Blue down. Sure enough, he felt his boy begin to relax. "Do not worry about the sheets. If Daddy needs to get more, he will. For now we will all share."

Blue sniffed, and buried his face in Splinter's chest. That was a good sign. Splinter kept up the scraching.

"I'm sorry I yelled. You aren't in trouble, Blue. You're alright."

Blue sniffled again. Hiccupped one last time. His tears were drying up, and his little voice said, "S'okay, Daddy."

"Oh, my Baby Blue... Thank you."

He still felt terrible as he lowered Leo back to his bed and started to strip away the soiled sheets, but Leo had calmed down considerably. He kept the bucket close, though, even as he laid back down again on his pillow.

"Leo can have my blanket," said Red, already pulling the old thing over. Splinter smiled gratefully at him.

"Thank you, Red. Blue, do you think you will throw up again?"

Blue shrugged. "Dunno."

"That's alright. It's okay if you do." Splinter smoothed the blanket over Blue, not tucking him in so he could move if he needed to. "I'll get this sheet washed out and be back, alright?"

Blue nodded. He was still gripping the bucket with one hand. Splinter rubbed his head, then stood up with his bundle of soiled sheets.

When he returned, with water for Blue, he'd thrown up again - in the bucket, this time. Orange was still by him, rubbing his arm, while Red sat behind him, supporting his back. Even Purple had come close, awkwardly patting at Blue's leg while pointedly avoiding looking at the bucket.

"Thank you for taking such good care of Blue," he told them, getting three beaming smiles in return.

They were all going to have the bug by tomorrow. Splinter would need to find more buckets.

[softsnzstuff]

Can you write about Bucky catching a cold and Yelena and Bob teasing him about it?

Omg yessss - this got away from me bc I was h0rny for Bucky and I’m not sorry. here is a cute little Drabble 🫶🏻

It’s a quiet yet busy evening in New York. The Thunderbolts had just gotten back from one of their first several missions as a team and everyone was still getting used to it.

Alexei was having a drink and watching television with Bob, who was nursing a grape soda in the corner. Walker, Yelebba and Ava were trying to write out the mission report. Bucky had helped in the beginning but had recently taken a break to shower.

He was used to coming back from missions beat up, but this time around his whole body just ached. As if that wasn’t enough, the congestion he’d initially written off as change in air from New York to Moscow (and back again) had now taken up residence in his sinuses.

When the steam and hot water did nothing to ease his discomfort, he decided to call it a day.

“I’m gonna head to bed guys, I’ll help wrap up the report tomorrow.”

“Age catching up with you? It’s only 8pm.”

“Eat shit, John.” Bucky sighed, not really in the mood for jokes.

“Do you still want to go for that run tomorrow morning?” Bob spoke up from the couch.

Fuck, he forgot he’d planned on them doing that. “Sure. Leave at 7:30?”

Bob nodded in agreement and the older man made his way back to his room where he all but collapsed into his bed.

***

Though sleep came easy initially, staying asleep was a different story. His joints and throat ached and he could hardly breathe through his nose - which was stuffed up and tickled immensely at the same time.

He’d been tossing and turning all night, tissues littering his floor. He groaned to himself and brushed the hair off of his damp forehead, looking at the clock… 4:42am. Fuck.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up slowly, rubbing at his eyes.

“H’xxt! NxxT!!”

He bobbed down into a closed fist, stifling two sneezes against his knuckle.

He coughed as quietly as he could as he stood up and made his way out into the dark kitchen to get a glass of water and some painkillers.

He winced past the knives in his throat as he took the pills and then coughed again, louder than he intended. He cleared his throat hoping no one had woken up.

Just as he thought he might’ve gotten away with it, Ava’s light turned on and her door opened a crack, illuminating Bucky in his ragged glory. He held a hand up blocking his eyes.

“Alright Bucky? - you look awful.”

“Yeah just… went down the wrong pipe.” He lied. “Sorry for waking you up.”

She gave him a suspicious once over before nodding and closing her door, light turning off again.

The Winter Soldier heaved a sigh of relief, quickly returning back to his room and crawling back into bed.

His little excursion had shifted the pressure in his sinuses just enough that his nose that formerly felt full of concrete now once again had an insatiable tickle.

“He’TSZiew!” He pitched forward, sneezing openly and spraying part of his shirt.

“Ugh yuck…” he groaned, pulling the shirt off and setting it next to him on the bed as his breath hitched again.

“Hhh hehhh….” He cupped his hands over his mouth and nose, “G’tsCHuu! Heh- ii’TSCH!”

He slowly pulled his hands away and looked down, grimacing. One hand still covering his nose, he reached for the tissue box on his bedside table and was met with cardboard.

Empty.

Giving up on moving (and potentially waking his teammates further), he reached for his already discarded t-shirt and blew his nose into its cotton blend.

He sunk back against the propped up pillows and wrapped his blanket around him further, holding onto his shirt and slipping in and out of sleep.

***

A few hours later, Bob was sitting in the living room in a dry fit shirt and some basketball shorts, looking determined but unprepared to run. Working out wasn’t his domain, but the young brunette felt obligated to be able to hold his own without having to tap into Sentry or The Void.

He was thankful Bucky had offered to do these runs with him, but today Bucky was nowhere to be seen.

Yelena and Ava emerged from their rooms at around the same time.

“Have a good run?” The blonde asked, trying to encourage her friend.

“We uh.. haven’t left yet actually.” He smiled awkwardly.

She looked at the clock on the oven. “I thought you were leaving at 7:30? It’s almost 8.”

Bob fidgeted with his hands, “I don’t know where Bucky is.”

“Did you check his room?” Yelena asked.

“Well I didn’t want to bother him and if he is in there, he probably needed space or something.” Bob tried to rationalize, clearly showcasing that he felt like a burden.

“Bucky?” Ava asked, “He woke me up a few hours ago on accident. He looked really rough… went back to sleep.”

“See, he’s not mad at you Bob. Let’s go check on him okay?”

The pair stopped outside of his closed door and listened for a second. They could hear slight movement followed by a few coughs that crackled with congestion.

The assassin knocked and waited a minute before opening the door slowly. “Bucky? It’s me and Bob. Are you decent?”

“Decent? Yeah. Dignified? N’do.”

She took that as an ‘okay’ to open the door more, finally looking in. Bob peeking out from behind her the way a child hides behind his mother’s leg.

The super soldier was sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard. His hair was in a messy bun and his nose was red and raw, lips parted slightly to breathe. He was wrapped in his comforter and was in the process of rearranging the shirt so he could find a dry section.

“M’ptSCH! N’xxtch! eh’isSHIEW!”

He muffled the triple into the shirt and then found a corner of the sleeve to blow his nose into.

“Is that a shirt you’re using as a handkerchief??” Yelena asked, disgust written across her face.

“Do’t worry about it.”

“That’s actually revolting. We’re going to have to burn that now.”

“It’s all I had okay?”

“You are so lucky Walker isn’t seeing this…” she held up her phone and quickly took a photo.

“N’do stop it!! Why’d you do that!”

She shrugged and turned to Bob, “Blackmail? I dunno. You look so helpless.”

Bob stifled a giggle before chiming in, “You do look really soft for a super soldier right now. The bun is cute.”

“Just leave m’be to die in peace.” He moaned, covering himself with the blanket to shield himself from more pictures.

“I’ll bring you some real tissues if you promise to trash the shirt.” Yelena offered. “I’ll make you some tea too.”

“We should probably rain check that run.” Bob suggested.

“I know. I know how to be sick.” Bucky grumbled, “but that would be n’dice.”

[fandom-lover2]

Energon Is Thicker Than Blood - pt 4

Trigger Warning!!!! Hinting at r@pe. It doesn't happen, but it's hinted that it is intended. Please take care when reading.

Part 3

Part 5

-image not mine-

I slipped in and out of consciousness for a good while, someone coming over eventually and wrapping my knees.

They didn’t want me bleeding to death, which meant they still wanted something from me.

Maybe Silas would try again later. Maybe he was still hopeful. Wishful thinking on his part.

The hours passed in a blur of pain and nausea, my ears ringing from the constant drilling and grinding echoing in the space.

A few times I heard Optimus grunt, or Megatron roar and thrash about when the humans got to soft spots on the bot’s bodies, but that too was rare, followed by long stretches of ear assaulting noise.

Apparently, it was dinner time or something and Silas didn’t have enough men for a B shift, because they all stopped and left the hanger, only two men remaining.

My mouth was so dry, and despite the nausea I was starving. And drained, physically. I looked down to my knees, to my blood pooled beneath my chair.

It was starting to dry, the thick metallic smell making me more nauseous.

My vision blurred, my head rolling to the side.

I was cold, freezing. My body had begun to shiver, my back sweating.

Maybe he would let me bleed to death, slowly, in pain, just out of reach of my guardian.

Optimus spoke, the first sign he was still alive in hours.

Either I was too far gone, or his words weren’t intended for me, because what he said made zero sense.

I’d heard him speak Cybertronian plenty of times, to Ratchet and occasionally the others when he didn’t want us understanding what he was saying. More like not wanting Miko to hear about where they were going.

A couple moments later and Megatron slammed his fist down again, scaring me so bad I jumped again and raised my head to glare at him.

The Warlord smirked at me, answering Optimus as he continued to keep his optics on me.

Had Optimus been asking if I was still alive? He could have just asked himself.

Though, I hadn’t asked either for fear of my worst nightmare coming true when he didn’t answer. Maybe he felt the same way.

“’m still here, Optimus.” I spoke softly, slurring my words as my mouth refused to work properly.

My guardian didn’t answer.

I moved my head backward slowly, resting the back of it against the chair and letting my eyes slip shut.

I didn’t want to sleep. If I did, I might not wake up.

I didn’t want to not wake up. I still had so many places I wanted to see, things I wanted to do. And there were still so many things I wanted to tell Optimus, things from our world I wanted to teach him and show him.

There was still so much I needed to learn about Cybertron. So much of their history and their culture I needed to know.

I couldn’t die not knowing it all.

Maybe if I could get my tongue to work, I could ask Megatron.

“She’s out anyway.” their words reached me.

I wanted to open my eyes but forced them to stay closed. Whatever was being planned was dependent on me being asleep, and so asleep I’d stay.

“And she’s too fucked up to fight back.” When the other guy didn’t answer, the first spoke up again. “We can tie her up again after she’s out the chair.”

Oh. Oh that’s what they were talking about.

Well, there was only one thing I could do then. Keep playing sleep.

I heard their footsteps echo in the now silent hanger as they approached me, one moving behind me and beginning to untie my hands while the other knelt and began on my legs.

“What are you bugs doing?” Megatron spat.

He was intending to sound uninterested, aiming for casual curiosity, but I’d unfortunately spent a minute too much with him to hear the hint of apprehension in his tone.

If I wasn’t in the middle of an Oscar-worthy performance, I would have called him out on it.

Having to bite my tongue to stop from crying out as they moved me, jostling my knees so they began to bleed again and my bones knocked together, I let them lie me down on the cold floor.

Someone struggled in their restraints, Optimus I think based on the direction of the sound.

Megatron spoke again, but my heart was pounding so fast and loud I couldn’t hear anything.

Timing. I had to get the timing right.

On my back, one man knelt over me, legs on either side of my own as he stretched over my body to begin taking my wrists.

Now!

I snapped my eyes open and moved fast, my wrists slipping from his hold.

I wrapped my hand around the cool metal, slipping it from its holster and raising it.

Please don’t be on safety, please be loaded, please don’t be cocked and ready.

I pointed the barrel between his covered eyes and pulled the trigger, the gun recoiling in my hands as his head jerked back with a snap, brain and blood following the bullet as it shot out the other end of his skull.

I turned my head and the gun, not giving myself a second as I looked for the second soldier.

I was too late. He already had his gun aimed at me, feet at my head.

A stand-off, him debating how much trouble he’d be in for killing the prisoner before they got information from her and me wondering if he’d be fast enough to get a shot in if I fired first.

Our edition of a cowboy show down ended when a cannon fired, and the guy was disintegrated.

The top of my scalp burned, the blast from the shot having missed my head by a couple inches.

Somehow, by a million miracles, he had been positioned exactly in range of Megatron’s still restrained cannon. And I had been just out of the danger zone.

First guy’s body fell back, the momentum of the head shot finally sending his body tumbling backward.

For a few seconds, nothing happened.

I breathed heavily, adrenaline now reinvigorating my dying body.

I couldn’t just lie here. They would have heard those shots. I had to move.

But how? My knees were completely destroyed. I couldn’t just walk out of here. And what did I expect to do after that? Silas and his men would overwhelm me in seconds.

I looked to the gun in my hands, my knuckles white as I clutched it.

There definitely weren’t enough bullets to take on half of the men he had. And, I wouldn’t be so lucky to get such a clean shot a second time.

Never mind that was my first time firing a gun and I had just killed someone.

“Y/n!” Optimus called, squirming on his slab.

His voice was all I needed to snap me from my spiral.

I wasn’t the only one in this room.

Megatron was the closest.

Optimus was strong, and a good leader, but he lacked the darkness to do what was needed to ensure survival. He valued life too much.

I rolled over, whining at the stabbing pain from my legs, but I kept going.

Rising up to my elbows, I kept the gun in one hand and began to pull my body across the floor.

It took much longer than I would have liked, but I made it to the base of Megatron’s slab, to the control panel.

Abandoning the gun, I reached up and used my arms to pull myself up. I wouldn’t be able to reach it sitting, I needed to stand up.

I closed my eyes, counted to three, and pulled on some metal casing I could reach. White hot pain snapped through my body, and I screamed as I fumbled around like Bambi on ice before finally somewhat getting my bones to press together.

It hurt, resting any weight on my shattered knees, but I didn’t have the time to feel the luxury of letting pain stop me. I needed to live.

Leaning heavily on the wall, I eyed the various buttons and dials. It looked like something right out of Star Wars.

Eh. When in doubt, hit the green one.

Praying it wouldn’t electrocute the titan, I hit the biggest green button on the board and after a short buzzer, the metallic bands audibly unlocked.

Megatron didn’t wait for them to lift completely, ripping them off as he rushed to rise off the angled slab and step onto the floor.

He took a step forward, then another, then turned to me.

His expression was blank as he regarded me, watching me sway as I looked up at him.

All across his frame were scorch marks and exposed wiring. He looked just like the bots had after the Scraplet attack, only these metallic vermin had breathed fire.

Energon leaked from a few cuts, slipping down his frame in purple streaks.

‘Please, don’t let me regret this.’

He reached forward, his claws wrapping around me tightly as made sure he got a good hold on me, then began to lift me.

I gasped as my weight was taken off my knees, the odd coolness that followed after the jolt of pain.

He brought me to his chest, letting my back rest directly against his metal, and then turned and raised him cannon to my guardian.

After all that, and Optimus was still going to die.

I had made the choice to free Megatron first, stupidly thinking he’d see the need to bury current feuds for the betterment of them both.

But, of course, when your enemy is distracted, you take the shot.

God I hoped I died soon, or Megatron kept me with the Decepticons until I died. If Ratchet found out my decisions had led to Optimus’ death, he kill me himself. But worse, I’d have to see the pain of his face plates as I broke the news.

I was too tired to do much, my mind lagging behind and slipping away quickly, but I had enough strength left to feel as though my heart was the one shattered and bleeding.

Optimus had become my everything, my most trusted friend whom I went to with all my troubles, all my fears. He was there for the long drives and good music, laughter passing between us easily on those deserted roads and solo patrols. And he in turned trusted me with his doubts and worries. We relied on one another.

And I was getting him killed.

“Megatron please…” I whispered, but if he did hear me, he didn’t react.

His cannon charged, and I closed my eyes.

He fired, and the force of the blast jolted me in his hold. And then a buzzer sounded again.

I snapped my eyes open and I saw Optimus’ metals binds opening just as Megatron’s had.

He’d shot at the control panel, freeing Optimus.

Not wasting a moment, just as Megatron had, Optimus surged up and sent the metal bands right off their hinges.

The Prime practically stumbled off the metal slab, moving so fast to right himself and find me.

When his optics landed on me, I watched as he went from relief, to horror, to rage, and then to fear.

It was all subtle, of course. Each emotion shown just barely in his optics, but when you spend enough time with him, you pick up on these things.

But, if I was seeing his true feelings, so was Megatron.

Optimus transformed his servo, his own blaster coming into play.

Before he could raise it, Megatron spoke in Cybertronian again.

Whatever he said, Optimus agreed with, because a second later both of them were rushing towards the hanger exit.

Somewhere, I could hear men shouting to one another, but my ears were still ringing from the blaster fire and my eyes were becoming harder to open so I could not see if they were in the hanger yet or if we were heading out to face them.

Optimus led the way, charging forward and kicking the hanger doors open.

The humans who had been preparing to enter were squashed, or their bodies were thrown back by his force.

The ones who weren’t instantly killed where crushed under his and Megatron’s pedes as they ran out, making for the forest surround this secret base.

But they didn’t get far. Vehicles, armed with those electric cannons were in hot pursuit, cut us off.

Megatron’s hold tightened from a taunt seatbelt to a crushing vice. He knew he didn’t need to hold that tight, right? To be fair, he hadn’t really held a human before, had he? I was dying anyway, it didn’t matter if he crushed me in the meantime.

Both leaders, moving in tandem, raised a servo to their audio receptors and speaking in Cybertronian.  

Megatron had hardly finished barking his orders when a ground bridge opened in the sky about 200 ft up and five seekers came roaring out.

If I wasn’t so close to death, I would have been more awestruck of how cool that had been, and how loud their engines were.

Doing a sharp bank, the jets made a low pass over us and fired at the surrounding vehicles, blowing them up.

Why the hell was war so damn loud? And fiery?

Up ahead, a second ground bridge opened in the trees and I recognized the bots filling out, or at least their colors because everything was a blur.

 The Seekers did a second low pass, finishing off the second wave of vehicles approaching.

“Get them!” I heard Silas scream somewhere below, but Megatron was turning away to face Optimus.

He wordlessly held out his servo, letting my guardian accept me into his much softer hold, looked down at me one last time, and then looked back up to Optimus as he said something.

And then he turned to the humans, raised his cannon, and released Hell’s fury.

Optimus turned and ran towards our ground bridge, shouting orders to the other Autobots as we got close.

I didn’t get the chance to look around Optimus at the scene or get the chance to see Megatron a final time before we were swallowed by the green vortex.

Ground bridging is an odd sensation to explain to someone who hasn’t done it before.

It’s like standing in a clear space, the sun warm above you, and then a cloud passes over briefly. You feel the change in temperature, your skin tingling with the sudden coolness, your body tensing as it senses a change as the shadow passes over but not entirely knowing where it comes from or why.

And then, the cloud moves on, the sun once again settling onto your skin, warmth slipping beneath your skin and you feel at ease.

Running through space and time, you feel trapped beneath the shadow, feel the universe buzzing around you, and then you step out and act as though you didn’t just walk through a tunnel that pulsed with so much power one misstep could have ripped your being to splinters.

It’s weird what your mind concentrates on when you’re dying.

I raised an arm and watched the goose dumps appear, giggling at my raised hair like it was the best inside joke of the century.

Immerging into the base, I allowed myself to finally stop holding on.

Optimus was safe, Silas probably suffering the wrath of Megatron if he wasn’t already dead.

I could let go, surrender to the pain and welcome the arms of the darkness calling to me.

Optimus was saying something, speaking loudly and fast to Ratchet, and then to someone else, but I heard none of what he said.

I looked up to him, smiling.

He looked like an angel, the lights above haloing his helm. If he was who was guiding me to the peace beyond, I wouldn’t fight it.

He looked down at me, saying something and he frowned, shaking his head.

I wanted to comfort him, let him know I was ok, that this was ok. He was safe, and I was ready to go.

I think I said something to him, reaching up an arm weakly, aiming to wipe away the fluid filling his optics, but before I could reach him, my mind slipped away and I was lost in nothingness.

[bunnyinfoxclothing]

Obedient Exorcists Part 4

Hello everyone, long time no see! I just graduated from university about 2 weeks ago, this would be the start of week 3 so, i've decided this was enough rest and it's time to get back in it. This part is a lot shorter than normal, but I should have more coming eventually.

SWTA will be back soon for those of you who know me on Ao3. Consider my activity on tumblr my slow sort of come back to get back in the habit of writing everyday.

Feel free to fill my ask box with requests as I lowkey reread Soaring with the Angels, because I fear I may have forgotten random bits and pieces of the lore.

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | (you are here) | TBD

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The days that follow are disgustingly similar.

Vaggie allows herself small moments. She goes to bed late, far later than Charlie can stay up waiting for her. She sleeps at the foot of the bed. She takes Keekee's spot, much to the cat's distress.

She finds that when she takes her normal place, Charlie still manages to connect herself to the girl. So the foot of the bed is perfect, close enough that Vaggie's scent is on the blankets when Charlie wakes up. But with enough space that Vaggie can stand being so close to her girlfriend.

What a horrible thought to think.

So she takes daily flights. She claims it's to help her wings get stronger, and she pretends that the time alone isn't the only time she feels she can breathe.

Charlie thanks her for working to protect the hotel and Vaggie smiles and nods adding another tally to the list of lies she has now told. She pretends it doesn't bother her when Charlie watches from the ground. Or worse the roof where she's closer to the tears silently falling from Vaggie's face.

When she walks the rooms of the hotel, Charlie is right there. She stands between her and each of the cannibals she brought home and doesn't let them interact.

Vaggie understands.

She gets it.

Charlie is creating a community a fight that is built on trust. Trust that your comrades will have your back. Trust that Vaggie doesn't have anymore.

Vaggie nods as obedient as ever, and instead finds herself back at the Carmine's home.

The weapons aren't done. They won't be done for a while. But Carmilla doesn't seem to mind the constant visits. It's all the same inside.

There is a strict routine. Vaggie knows if she arrives at exactly 2:35 Clara and Odette will be making their way off of lunch. This means they will be the ones to open the door, and like always direct her to Carmilla's office, while they begin deliveries.

Carmilla would then give Vaggie a list of tasks. Vaggie still remembers the first lecture she received from the woman, when she wandered to her territory during a flight, desperate to get away from Charlie's eyes. "So long as you are within my home you will work."

The tasks began simple. Moving and sealing boxes for shipment. Labeling boxes with names and addresses. Grouping boxes based on location. Planning out drop off routes. The last one had her out of the building and no longer inside the Carmine's home, instead she was in the sky looking for the quickest most effective routes to the different points of the pentagram. Still she listened.

It's easier here. There was a clear pecking order. She was at the bottom, taking orders from everyone. She was once called over to help stack a pallet for shipment by one of the souls Carmine owns.

It was general busy work. Stuff she was used to back in Heaven.

It was easy.

And when she finishes her work, Carmilla and occasionally her daughters will spar. Vaggie will gratefully take her beating and go home.

Except this time when Vaggie entered Carmilla's office, the older woman seemed to have her full attention on her instead of the stack of paperwork, listing out requests for shipments for approval.

"Why are you here?"

Vaggie was caught off guard by the question. "I'm not sure I understand."

"You are preparing for a war, correct? A war you intend to win?"

"Yes?" Carmilla's eyes narrowed at Vaggie, and she immutably understood her error. Her back straightened and she answered again. "Yes."

"Then why are you here? Are you not going to train? You will be fighting to kill, and while I may have fixed your motivation, it is clear you still fight unafraid of death. You are so easily wounded it's pitiful. If this is how you intend to protect someone you might as well die. A human shield."

If that is what is asked of her, Vaggie doesn't think she actually minds. It would be a swift end to the pain in her chest. She'd no longer have to worry about how to act around Charlie. Instead she would become a martyr for the cause. A reason to fight harder.

If Charlie were strategic, she would have Vaggie go barreling in, doing as much damage as possible. Her angelic body would be able to take more than the cannibals.

Her death would just be more gold and feathers on the floor to clean up. She wonders if Charlie screams out to attack, if that is what she is meant to do? Fight and hope to survive like how she gained Carmine's favor.

While Vaggie contemplates Carmilla studies how her face changes. Going from the initial shock of the statement to the careful consideration. The look of deep thought.

Was the little angel suicidal?

What in Hell could possibly cause that?

The creature before her quite literally lived in the lap of luxury. She was fed from the princess's hands herself. Lived rent free. Going from the joys of heavenly life to the cushion of Hell royalty.

Perhaps the girl truly was too soft.

"Hold still."

Vaggie froze barely blinking once before the tip of the pointe shoe ran across her cheek and a warmth gathered along the line.

Vaggie brought a hand up gathering the liquid in her hand and rubbing it together slightly, just feeling it dry up. "ow."

"Why didn't you move?"

"You don't me not to..."

"Do you truly not trust me not to kill you? Will you freeze and let your sisters kill you if they ask? Where is your head at? You are not the warrior I thought I was training."

Vaggie was silent for a long moment. "Should I not trust you?"

Carmilla froze at the question. It was a genuine one. The girl tilted her head in genuine confusion. Not an ounce of sarcasm present in her voice.

"Tell me. What was your thought process when I said hold still? Did you see my blade and fail to evade? Did you fail to even spot the movement?"

"You said hold still. So I did. I saw your shoe, but you said not to move... so I didn't."

Carmilla studied the girl further. "What is your life worth?"

Vaggie didn't know how to answer that question. How do you measure the worth of a life. Did she even count as a living thing, she never existed on Earth.

Neither did the hell-born, but they were born. She wasn't born either. Does creation count? They said they created life, so surely she counts as life.

What does a life that was never born and never existed worth?

"I don't know. Wha are you offering?"

"You'd be willing to sell your soul?" Maybe the girl was stupid.

"No, I don't think I have one of those. If I did I would have to ask Charlie first."

Carmilla sat with that for just a second. What a curious way to answer questions. Something to stew on for later. All that mattered is that the girl didn't seem fully suicidal nor did she seem fully stupid. There wasn't a lack of thought happening, just a strange pathing.

Carmilla sent the girl on her way, with a small list of tasks. This is something to look into later.

---

When Vaggie does finally come to the hotel, Charlie is waiting.

The scar on her face does not escape her notice.

"What happened?"

[coziestandhoziest]

Hey!! guess who finally finished the continuation of that thing i wrote??

I said it was going to have smut but I lied because no matter what I did, the feelings I wanted to convey were just not coming through. I ended up with 6 pages of smut first from Ford's POV, then Stanley's, then both and I just couldn't get it to work. I was getting supper frustrated and I realized I would never post anything if I kept the scene in.

So instead, have this shorter piece of Ford being kind of sweet, kind of unsettling, with another minuscule drop of backstory.

I don't think there's anything triggering in this one. Onwards ...

It’s well past midnight when Ford makes his way into the bedroom. He moves slowly and quietly as he changes into his sleep clothes, more out of habit than any real hope. He knows it’s a futile effort, Stanley has become an impossibly light sleeper. Sure enough, when he looks over at him, Stanley’s eyes are already blinking sleepily back at him. He stays silent as Ford slides into bed behind him, curling an arm around his waist.

“I’m sorry for waking you, sweetheart,” Ford whispers and presses a soft kiss to the back of his brother’s neck. 

 “‘s fine. I was tryna wait for ya,” Stanley mumbles as he shuffles back to press flush against Ford.

It’s not fine. As a teenager, Ford remembers teasing his Stanley for how he didn’t drift off to sleep so much as drop into a coma. He’d always be the last one to sit at the breakfast table. Looking adorable with sleep-mussed hair and drowsy eyes. He’d throw puppy-dog eyes at their Ma until she’d cave in and make him a cup of coffee exactly the way he liked it: a bit of too much cream and one spoonful of sugar. Ford hates that this Stanley has trained himself to wake up at the slightest noise. Hates that he’ll take his coffee black and won’t bother with the sugar or cream unless Ford adds them for him. (He’d caught Lee’s small smile the first time he made him a cup the way he used to take it. He makes sure to prepare it that way for him every single morning.)

“Ford?”

He’s pulled from his thoughts by his little brother’s soft murmur. 

“Shhh love, go back to sleep. You need to rest.”

He moves his hand from Lee’s waist, rests it against his belly instead and starts to slowly swipe his thumb back and forth. He keeps his head propped up on his other hand, watching him with quiet affection.

“Why? You got something planned for us tomorrow?” 

“You mean later today. It’s past midnight, darling,” Ford points out.

“Nerd.”

Stanley scoffs. Ford can’t help the wave of love he feels in that moment. His sweet boy has been pushing back lately. More willing to joke and tease, the banter coming just a little bit easier. Ford is relieved. He loves seeing flashes of the confidence he remembers from his own twin, reflected in his little brother’s face. 

“Why’re you coming to bed so late then?” Stanley asks. 

Ford pauses, his thumb stopping its slow, soothing movement against Lee’s belly.

He’d been down in the basement and had intended to join his boy upstairs in the early evening. The lab seems bare with both the portal and control panel gone. (He’d scrubbed the entire house of any hint of Bill and the portal before bringing Stanley home). But even without the control panel, he still recognizes the doorway where that disastrous fight with his twin began 18 years ago. As he’d passed it on his way upstairs, his body had locked up, memories crashing over him. 

He’d remembered the last image he had of his twin right before he fell through the portal. At the time, his insomnia-fueled paranoia hadn’t let him take in the dark circles under his twin’s eyes. Hadn’t been able to look past his own desperation, to notice the aura of despair that had clung to his brother. 

He’d remembered the constant haze of rage that had plagued him the first few years through the portal. He hates remembering that feeling, the suffocating fog. 

Slowly, he’d become aware of the faint stirrings of panic beginning to rise in his chest and he’d realized that he wouldn’t be able to stop it in time, would have to see it through to the end.

His memories had carried him to the first and only time he’d seen Stanley’s face through the portal. He remembered his surprise as he took in the crow’s feet and silver hair on this older version of his brother. Remembered the awe he’d felt when he’d been told of that Stanley’s thirty-year struggle to get his brother back, the reverence when he realized just how far he’d been willing to go to save his family. 

And then finally he’d remembered the crushing despair that had consumed him when he’d fought his way back home— only to find his own twin gone. Far beyond his reach. 

The panic attack had only lasted a few minutes, but the effects had lingered, his body slow to shake off the aftershocks. He’d forced himself to take deep, measured breaths. In. Out. Focused on grounding himself, letting the tension slowly bleed out of his muscles. It’d been midnight by the time he’d felt settled enough to slowly start making his way upstairs.

Ford hesitates. Because any answer would invite questions, and he has no intention of ever giving Lee those answers. So he smooths out his voice, keeps his tone light when he finally replies, “I’m sorry, my love. I lost track of time.”

Stanley doesn’t seem convinced. He brings a hand to the one Ford still has resting against his belly, laces his five fingers between Ford’s six. He slides their interwoven hands towards his chest and tucks them against his heart. 

“Sixer… you sure you’re okay?” he asks slowly.

Ford’s heart melts. He pulls Lee tighter against himself, the weight of him solid and comforting against his chest. He nuzzles his face against his little brother’s neck and breathes in his soothing scent. 

“There’s nothing to worry about, my love. I promise,” Ford whispers, voice steady and soothing.

He presses more sweet kisses to the base of his neck, smiles when his boy relaxes back into his arms. He lets the silence settle between them, savouring the weight of Stanley in his embrace. This moment, this precious boy that he’d had to reach across dimensions to reclaim, Ford holds him close and just revels in the miracle that the universe couldn’t take away after all.

But even as the calm of the moment settles over him, something shifts in the quiet of his mind. Another memory emerges and his chest tightens for a split second, anticipating another wave of panic. Instead, the memory settles in softly— an older version of Stan in his sixties, laughing as two children throw themselves into his arms. Ford remembers the warmth that had unfurled in his chest as he watched, taking in the soft look on his brother’s older face. There had been something right about the way Stanley had held them close—like they belonged there.

But as he lingers on the memory, it begins to shift. His older, grey-haired brother fades, replaced by the image of his own sweet boy. The children shrink, becoming younger. And the thought of his darling boy gazing tenderly down at two young children in his arms is… not unappealing.

His thoughts start to drift. Here in Ford’s home dimension, the youngest Pine twins should’ve already celebrated their first birthday by now. Surely the loss of a parent couldn’t be too traumatizing at that age. Infant minds are adaptable, mouldable. And if the twins’ parents were no longer in the picture…

He catches himself before the thoughts take root, forcing them aside with a mental shake of his head. After all, infants require a lot of attention and he’s not quite ready to share Lee with anyone. Not yet.

Ford’s thoughts return to the lovely boy in his arms, his warmth settling under Ford’s skin. He curls more tightly around him, and the soft, inquisitive hum that escapes his lips pulls Ford further in. He drags his teeth softly, softly across the back of Lee’s neck and smiles when he feels him shiver in his arms.

Stanley sighs, tilts his head back and to the side, baring his throat to give Ford more room to work. And what else can he do but oblige his pretty boy?

He bites down harder this time, then soothes the mark with his tongue, sucking until he’s satisfied that it will linger on his baby’s skin for days. 

He’ll make sure to leave another one before this one even has a chance to fade.

[toomuchracket]

Today has been A DAY, ugh. Train delays and cancellations to and from work, pouring rain and no coat...Maybe girlie has had a similar day but matty takes good care of her when she finally makes it home, hours later than planned.

matty's just home from tour and he is so so sleepy, so when you're leaving the house for meetings you just wake him up enough to say "i'll be home around six and i'll bring dinner. i love you, go back to sleep" and give him a kiss before you head out the door. the overground is delayed on the way into london, which is a bit annoying but whatever, you're still on time for meeting #1. and then you and your manager get stuck in traffic on the way to meeting #2, which leaves you a bit frazzled, then meeting #3 is cancelled at the last min so you decide to go and grab a coffee - the heavens just OPEN while you're out with no umbrella or jacket, so by the time you get to meeting #4 (which, thankfully, is on time and quick and good) you're soaked through. when you leave, intending to call a car, the streets are completely gridlocked, so you think "fuck it" and opt for the overground again; this, as it turns out, is a terrible decision, because the next two trains aren't running, which means you're at the station in the pissing rain for at least another hour and you just really REALLY want to go home to your boyfriend and your dog. poor matty phones to cheerily ask "hi darling! are you on your way home?", and you literally just burst into tears in response like "nooooooo the trains are off and the traffic is terrible and i'm so cold and wet and hungry and i just want to go home" - he's like "oh, sweet girl... which station are you at? i'll pick you up", and you sniffle like "no, thank you. you'll be stuck for hours, baby, m'serious", and he's not happy about it but he says "alright. but promise me you'll phone if the next train doesn't turn up, yeah? i'm not leaving you stranded. and i'm picking you up from the station at the other end no matter what", and you just sadly go "mhmm" lol. thankfully, the next train DOES turn up, and when you get off it matty's waiting in the car with a takeaway hot chocolate and a towel; as soon as you sit down, he gently dries your face and kisses you and lets you just melt into him while you cry a little bit about how shit your day's been, and once you've stopped sobbing he's like "d'you want to pick up dinner on the way home, or just order it from the house?", and you're like "i wanna go home :(", so he kisses you again and holds your hand while he drives. at home, he's the sweetest of the sweet, helping you out of your wet clothes and into a warm bath, ordering dinner before he comes in to wash your hair and calm you down, bundling you into a towel and some warm cosy clothes (his) and carrying you to the living room to cuddle (alone and then with mayhem) while you wait for the food - he dries your hair, too, after you've eaten, he makes you laugh, and generally just keeps you snuggled into him for the rest of the night because he knows that's where you feel safest and happiest. when you're curled up together in bed, stroking each other's faces, you're like "thank you. you're really good at taking care of me", and matty kisses your nose like "i love doing it, i really love it. i love you"; that sets you off again, honestly, and you sniffle "i love you too. so so much. can't explain how much, to be honest", and he just smiles like "no, i know how much. same as me" before cuddling you tighter like "come on, darling, let's get some sleep" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH he's so tender i love him <3

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #35

previous // next // story index

__________

Victor

It’s been an interesting week.

I feel like I say that a lot, but maybe it’s because over the last several months we’ve had a ton of stuff going on in our lives, and I don't really know how to describe it. Sometimes it's hard to take it all in.

Yuri and I have been getting along better since our unexpected overnight stay in the Hideout. We really needed to get some issues out in the open. The fact that we got stuck there might’ve been a blessing in disguise because it gave us a chance to talk without being concerned about interruptions.

Unfortunately, despite our progress, it hadn’t been a great night. I'm sure Yuri was in a lot more pain than he wanted to admit and I’m certain the accommodations weren’t all that comfortable for him. His pain was making him restless, and he kept waking up through the night. I didn’t get much sleep either. I was too worried about him.

In the morning, he insisted he could climb down from the Hideout by himself. I didn’t like the idea, but I didn’t argue. I just told him to take his time. Getting down felt like it took ages, but we both made it to the ground without incident. Yuri let himself collapse once his feet hit solid earth, which was totally understandable in my opinion. I sat on the leaf-covered dirt and held him on my lap so he could rest for a while before we started making the short journey back to Mom’s house.

Mom was none too pleased when when we finally showed up. Apparently, she’d been texting both of us like crazy since the previous night, but since we’d both left our phones at the house, we hadn’t replied. She said she was about to go out looking for us, so it was lucky for everyone that we came back when we did.

I think Mom probably would’ve given us a lecture, but considering the state Yuri was obviously in, it seemed she thought better of it. She hugged me and made a sort of air-hugging gesture in front of Yuri, and then told us to get cleaned up. She said that she and Julian had intended to go to the farmers’ market, and with our return, the plan was back on the agenda. She’d see us when she got back, she said, and she extracted a promise from me that I’d give her a full explanation later.

I had absolutely no intention of telling her everything, but I figured I could explain in sufficient detail to satisfy her. There are some things a guy’s mother doesn’t need to know about what goes on between him and his husband, you know what I mean? I used to tell her almost literally everything, but I’m finding that lately I’m less and less inclined to share every little detail with her.

After Mom left, we went downstairs and I helped Yuri in the bath. Then I got him dressed in the warmest PJs he had with him, made sure he took his medication, and tucked him into bed with his hot water bottle. I asked him if he wanted me to stay with him for a while, but he said no, so I gave him a little kiss on the forehead and promised to check on him in an hour or so before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind me.

That was Sunday. By Tuesday, which was the day before yesterday, he was doing better, much to my relief. He got out of bed when I did, and even had a few bites of my fruit salad at breakfast.

I’ve gotten used to him picking food off my plate rather than always having a plate of his own. When it comes to eating, whatever is least stressful for him works for me. I’ve even been known to feed him when he’s really ill, as I'm sure I've mentioned before. I mean, needs must, right? I’m willing to go with anything that keeps him from becoming undernourished, and if that sometimes involves me holding the spoon, so be it.

Actually, the topic of me feeding Yuri brings me around to the really interesting thing that happened on Tuesday afternoon. Thinking that the fresh air would do him good, I coaxed him to come outside with me. It was overcast, but it was warm enough not to need jackets. We sat at the picnic table in the back yard and I patiently fed him oatmeal sweetened with maple syrup while we watched the comings and goings of several blue jays on the nearby bird feeder.

That’s when we met the neighbours from across the street.

Even if I don't know everyone in the neighbourhood personally, I thought I could at least recognize all the people who live on this block of London Street and the intersecting street, Foundry Lane. It was slightly disconcerting to realize I had no idea who the elder couple puttering away in their front garden were. I don’t know how they knew I was watching them, but at some point they started watching Yuri and me as well. Every so often, I caught them looking our way. Eventually, their inquisitiveness must’ve got the best of them because they dusted themselves off and meandered across the street.

I guessed they were probably in their late sixties or early seventies; old enough to be elders but not too old to have plenty of energy left in them. The man was thin and had a leathery, deeply lined face, like he’d spent a lot of time outdoors without sunscreen. The woman had delicate facial features that reminded me a lot of Yuri’s grandmother, who I’d met a handful of times at family gatherings I’d been compelled to go to. She carried herself with the same type of grace and economy of movement as Yuri’s mom and grandmother too. I could easily imagine this lady had been a stunning beauty when she was young.

More than anything else I could say, I’ll say this; they aren’t the least bit shy. Most people would start with hello. They started with a question.

“I hope you don’t think we’re being nosy,” the man said. “But we haven’t seen you around here before. Are you new to the neighbourhood?”

I had to smile at that. “No,” I told him. “I grew up here. Right here in this house actually, but we don’t live here now. We’re just visiting. I’m Grace Nelson’s son. Do you know her?”

“Of course,” said the woman. “Dr. Grace and Dr. Julian are lovely people. They take excellent care of our cats. If you’re her son, then you’re Victor. Correct?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You have us at a disadvantage, though.”

“My apologies. I’m Kimiko Miyazaki, and this is my husband, Robert MacAllister. You can call me Kim if you like. Everyone does.”

Her English was flawless, and I guessed that she’d either been born here or that she’d been here a very long time. Yuri and I exchanged a look at hearing her name, and I immediately thought of our former neighbour from Komatsu. Yuri seemed to brighten a little, and somehow I doubted he would be calling her by the very English-sounding nickname of Kim.

“Pleased to meet you, Miyazaki-san,” Yuri said, and I don’t think he even recognized the fact that he’d slipped fluidly from English to Japanese.

Kim’s face registered mild surprise. “Well… it’s been a long time since I’ve heard anyone but my children speak to me in my first language. And you are…?”

“I’m Yuri,” he said, blushing and suddenly looking shy and embarrassed. He slid closer to me on the bench and leaned against me. I put my arm around him and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Okamoto Yuri."

“Yuri’s my husband,” I clarified.

Both elders were peering at us with a combination of curiosity and concern, and I couldn’t help wondering what they were thinking. Kim’s gaze seemed to drift to the half-empty bowl behind us on the table, and I wondered if she’d been able to see exactly what we’d been doing before they came over.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to wait long to find out what was going through Robert’s mind.

“Not to pry, but are you all right?” he asked. I’m sure he meant Yuri, but he was making eye contact with me.

“He’s not feeling well today,” I said.

“We’re sorry to hear that,” said Kim. “It’s good that you’re able to get outside, though. Fresh air and a change of scenery are important for the mental health, especially if you’ve been ill for a long time.”

“How do you know—“ I started.

Almost at the same time, Yuri said, "Excuse me?” He'd switched back to English, a fact that was evidently not lost on Kim.

It was her turn to look embarrassed. “I really don’t mean to overstep. I was a nurse for thirty-five years and I spent over half my career as a clinical specialist. I’ve seen a lot of people with long-term and chronic illnesses. But I realize it’s none of my business. It’s just that I notice things, and these days my mouth sometimes gets ahead of my brain.” She smiled sheepishly. “I’m going to blame old age.”

“Perhaps we ought to change the subject,” said Robert.

“Yes,” his wife replied. “That might be best. My apologies.”

“It’s fine,” I said. I glanced down at my husband. “Yuri?”

He nodded. “Yes, it’s okay. You’re right. I do have a chronic illness, but I’d rather not discuss it.”

“Certainly,” Kim said. “We can talk about something else. Where are you visiting from?”

“Matsumori Town,” he told her. "That's in Kyoto Prefecture, near the mountains."

"Yes, I know exactly where it is," she said. “As it happens, that’s where I’m from. Now, how's that for a coincidence?" I left when I was in my twenties, but I still have family that we visit every few years, and Robert and I are thinking of making a permanent move there as soon as we sell our house.”

“How long have you lived in that house?” I asked.

“We bought it about five years ago," Robert answered.

"If you moved here five years ago, that’s why we didn’t recognize each other,” I said. “I moved out around that time, and my cousin and I and another friend had one of those share houses over by the college. Then I had a place in that big apartment complex across town. You know Sage Estates? I was there until I moved to Japan."

“We know Sage Estates," Kim said. "Our son Cameron lives there.”

“The house was supposed to be our retirement home,” Robert explained. “We were going to live here with our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. But we’d only been in the place for a year and a half before our Hayley got offered an important job opportunity in Toronto that she couldn’t pass up. Life in a big city isn’t for us, so off they all went and left us here.”

“Us and the cats,” Kim amended.

“Yes, us and the cats and the ghost.”

I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly. “The... what? The ghost?”

“A lovely Japanese lady. We think we may have accidentally brought her here from Matsumori in an antique vase,” he said. “She likes to arrange flowers, so we try to cut some from the garden for her and set them in her vase as often as we can.”

Despite myself, I found that I was starting to like these nosy, quirky old people. I said, “Are you going to leave her in the house for the new owners, or are you going to take her home?”

“That depends on what she wants, doesn’t it?” he said. “She seems to like it here, but she only speaks Japanese, so she might not be happy to stay with the new owner if they can’t communicate with her.”

“You talk to her?”

“Yes. She doesn’t always understand me, unfortunately. I think it's my accent that slows us down, but she talks up a storm with Kim.”

“Maybe Yuri and I should try to speak to her,” I suggested.

At that, Yuri gave me the look he always gives me when he thinks I’m talking nonsense. It was like, Please don’t encourage them. Personally, I didn’t see any harm. If they seriously thought there was a flower-arranging Japanese ghost lady in their house, who was I to argue?

“You’re welcome to come over any time,” Kim said. “We can’t guarantee Sachiko will be around, though. She doesn’t show herself every day. But we can at least promise we’ll chat with you, and we can offer you tea and a snack.”

“And you’re welcome to use our pool,” Robert offered. “It’s heated. It’s very therapeutic.”

“Thanks. That sounds great,” I said.

We chatted for a few more minutes before Kim and Robert decided they’d better get back to their landscaping project. We said goodbye and promised that we’d come over to see them in the next day or two.

For the rest of the day, I was preoccupied with thoughts of the neighbours across the street and their allegedly haunted house. They seemed like intelligent, mentally sound people, and there was no hint of joking or irony when they mentioned their ghost. Clearly, they believed she was real. As for me, I couldn’t decide if I believed in the ghost or not. Part of me really wanted to, but another part was content to accept that existence ends when life does.

That night, as Yuri and I were getting ready for bed, I asked him what he thought about it even though I knew what he’d likely say.

“Do you think she’s real?” I said. “Sachiko, I mean. The ghost across the street.”

“About as real as mermaids and vampires,” Yuri said.

“Mermaids are real," I said.

“I know what you think you saw on Kainani Island.”

“I know you don’t believe me about that,” I acknowledged. “But regardless of whether mermaids and vampires are real or not, ghosts still could be. They’re humans, not mythical creatures.”

“Once people pass away, that’s it,” he said. “They don’t linger in suburban houses and make flower arrangements.”

“Do you think Robert and Kim are hallucinating or something, then? Or do you think they’re just making it up?”

“What I think is that they might’ve lost somebody very important to them and that it’s comforting for them to imagine she’s still with them in some way.” Yuri gave me a soft, indulgent smile. “Maybe that’s what you want to believe too. That it’s possible somehow for people you loved to still be with you.”

I shook my head. “No, that’s not it.”

“If it helps you, it’s okay to believe it,” he said. "I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone close to me, but I think any way that helps a person cope is fine as long as it isn’t harming anyone.”

“I don’t think believing in ghosts is a good way to cope at all,” I said. “Not for me anyway. I wouldn’t want to think of Dad and Caroline as ghosts. That’d be horrible, hanging around forever and constantly reliving the memory of how they died.” The idea of ghost baby Caroline being terrified and confused for eternity as she tried to make sense of her senseless death made me want to cry. “Something like that would definitely be harmful.”

“When you put it that way, I suppose so,” Yuri conceded.

“I’ve got a lot of stuff in my head that I still haven’t resolved about Dad and Caroline,” I said. “You’re not wrong about me wanting to believe they’re still with me somehow too, but I feel like it’s more emotional than supernatural or whatever. It’s just… I don’t know. I find the whole ghost thing fascinating and I want to see for myself if it’s true or not.”

Yuri was quiet for a few seconds, but finally he said, “We can go over there and visit, so you can see.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Why would it? They invited us after all, and they sounded sincere about it,” he said. “I’d like to see the house too, although for different reasons than you.”

“Really?” I said. “Why do you want to see it?”

“Didn’t they say they’re thinking of selling it?”

“Yeah, but…” I trailed off for a moment, unsure as to where the conversation might be going. “Why do you care if it’s going to be for sale?”

“I was thinking,” he said, but he didn’t elaborate.

“About a house in Maple Grove?”

“It’s just a ridiculous idea I suddenly had.”

“What would we do with a house here, even if we could afford it? Our lives are in Matsumori.”

“Are they?” he said. “I think I’ve seen enough since we’ve been here to know that most of your life isn’t in Matsumori at all. I might be wrong, but my guess is the only really important parts of your life in Matsumori are me and the mountain. Arashiyama has to stay where it is, but I don’t.”

I frowned. “Are you saying you want to move?”

“No,” he said. “I’m not sure what I’m saying at this point, but I think we should think about our options and talk it over when we’re both ready.”

“You think a possibly haunted house is an option?” I asked.

“It’s not haunted,” he said. “But if people believe it is, maybe that’ll lower the property value and make it affordable.”

I grinned. “Well, that’s an angle probably no one thought of.”

“Let’s have a look at it and satisfy our curiosity, all right? It’s not even for sale yet in any case, and even if it were, we’re not in a position to decide anything right now.”

“Okay,” I said.

“In the meantime, the least we can do is be friendly. I don’t think I made a very good first impression today. I’d like to redeem myself if I can.”

“I’m sure you can,” I told him. “Let’s see how you’re feeling tomorrow, and maybe we can go over there.”

So, that’s exactly what we did. Yuri was feeling well enough to venture out on Wednesday afternoon, so we took some of the strawberry cupcakes I’d baked in the morning and made our way across the street. Kim and Robert happily gave us a tour of the house, and then we all sat in the living room and enjoyed a snack and some good conversation.

There was no sign of Sachiko the ghost, but we did notice the smell of flowers in a couple of rooms where there weren’t any. Robert said the scent was plum blossoms, and he told us that meant Sachiko was there even if we couldn’t see her. He showed us her vase and explained how they’d bought it from an antiques dealer in Senbamachi district about four years ago. He said Sachiko had appeared not long after they got back to Maple Grove.

Yuri said he thought he knew the antique shop in question. Apparently, it’s notorious for having purported occult objects for sale on a semi-regular basis, and it's the subject of a sort of urban legend that says it’s a hot spot for paranormal activity. I’ll admit the notion intrigued me.

“Maybe we should go there when we get back,” I said.

“See if you can get Takahiro to go there with you,” Yuri said. “His reaction will be worth it.”

“Oh?”

“He never wanted to walk past there when we were younger. Seiji and I kept daring him to go in, but he never would.”

“Have you been inside the shop, Yuri?” Robert wanted to know.

“I have,” Yuri said. ‘It didn’t seem all that unusual to me, other than some of the bizarre items the owner was selling. I saw a necklace that I thought my mother would like, but my friend Seiji talked me out of buying it for her because he thought it was cursed.“

"We’re definitely going there,” I said. “Haunted vases and cursed jewelry? I need to check that out.”

Yuri sighed. He didn’t come right out and say I was trying his patience, but I got the sense that he wanted to. I gave up the subject of the supernatural after that, and our conversation moved along to other topics. We enjoyed the rest of our visit and left with an open invitation to swim in the pool whenever we liked.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit disappointed about not being able to confirm the existence of the ghost, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected to. We came back in the evening to use the pool, and we smelled the plum blossom scent again. Yuri said it was likely some late-blooming plant in the garden or maybe some sort of air freshener or cleaning product.

If it was a cleaning product, I wanted to know what it was so we could use it at our house because it smelled exactly like early spring in the Hanamigawa valley. It was sweet and soothing, and it made me feel calm and peaceful.

We didn’t do much swimming. The pool water was indeed heated, and that, combined with the mysterious plum blossom aromatherapy, relaxed us to the point where we weren’t much interested in exercise. Yuri took a nap on the pool float, and I just drifted around on my back, thinking about not much of anything.

We both had an excellent night’s rest after that.

In completely unrelated news, we’re heading to North Range Provincial Park tomorrow afternoon. We’ll be staying there tomorrow night and Saturday night, and then coming back to Maple Grove sometime on Sunday.

I was worried that Yuri wouldn’t be up to it, but he says he’s well enough to go. I can tell he isn’t completely fine, but he’s improved a lot since this past Sunday, so as long as he thinks he’s going to be okay, I’m not about to question it. The fact that he’s still interested at all is a surprise, I’m not questioning that either.

I took him shopping for camping stuff today. He wasn’t into the Canadian Tire aesthetic at first, but once he tried on a few plaid shirts and realized how cute he looked in them, I think his shopping spirit was revived.

He got a fleece-lined flannel jacket, a plaid flannel shirt, a quilted vest and hiking boots, and of course he had to have accessories. In this case, his accessories of choice were two hats and a scarf. I convinced him to get thermal socks as well, despite his protests that they were ugly. Nobody was going to see them inside his boots, I reasoned, and he probably wouldn’t want to sleep barefoot, especially considering that his feet are often cold at the best of times. He decided that the jeans and turtlenecks he already had with him would be sufficient, so I was spared having to answer the inevitable question as to whether or not he looked too skinny in any potential new pants.

Shopping for a sleeping bag was more challenging than shopping for clothes. I wanted to make sure he got one that was both lightweight and rated for below-freezing temperatures, just in case we decided to camp on Arashiyama at some future point. I also thought he should have one with a built-in pillow, like mine, since that’d eliminate the need to carry along an extra item. Yuri, however, was more concerned about the colour and whether or not it’d look good in our tent. He opted for black "Because it goes with everything."

We chose a proper hiking pack for him in a shade of orange that made him happy because it reminded him of sunset, and that made me happy because of how visible it would be on a wooded trail. I liked it for the fact that it had a body strap in addition to the shoulder straps, which would help balance the weight of it and make it easier and more comfortable for him to carry. He liked it because it had a ton of pockets to help him organize all his items.

Yeah... if it wasn’t already obvious, we have different priorities.

I let him pick out a few odds and ends, like a flashlight, a small pocket knife, and an insulated drinking bottle for tea. I had a hard time imagining Yuri doing anything with a pocket knife, but he seemed to think it was a vital piece of outdoor equipment, so I didn’t protest.

The last things we bought were small waterproof bags for each of us to keep our phones and wallets in. I’d learned the value of waterproof bags from my friend Mitchell, who I’d met on Kainani Island. We might not necessarily need the bags during our weekend on the North Range, but I decided I'd use it anyway because it was a better alternative than keeping my wallet and phone in plastic sandwich bags to protect them if it were to rain.

Yuri could hardly wait to show off all his new things to my mom when she got home from work. He put on a mini fashion show for her, and she played into it by telling him how rugged and handsome he looked and taking a bunch of pictures of him. He didn’t seem to notice or care that she was treating him as if he was a little kid getting ready for his first day of school.

I’m glad he seems to have some genuine enthusiasm for camping now because I spent a disproportionate amount of brainpower in worrying that he was forcing himself to go despite how scared he was, just because he thought he should. I’m not under any illusions that he’s suddenly lost all his anxiety and fear about spending a couple of days and nights in the forest, and I’m not deluding myself into believing it’ll be an easy weekend for either of us, but I’m more confident than I was before.

I think we’ll be able to have fun, and I’m looking forward to teaching him some of the wilderness skills I learned from Mom and Uncle Stephen and from our Maple Scout leader when I was a kid. Leo said he’s bringing his guitar, so maybe we’ll even get to teach Yuri some of the camp songs we learned when we were in Maple Scouts. Almost every scout camp song is ridiculous, which automatically makes them the best.

Oh, and we even have a new ghost story to share around the campfire now. I’m already picturing Ellie’s and Leo’s reactions when we tell them about Sachiko.

We’ll let you know how the camping trip goes!

[nosebleedsturn]

thirty-eight ; pins and needles

Words: 5,510

"drop me when you're bored of me, done with me, i'm damaged goods you can't return me." - nessa barrett

warning: mentions of sexual and physical abuse. this is also probably going to be the longest chapter yet i believe, taking place over the next few days.

friday, january 8th, 2025, 8:00 am

vega renee veloz

the birds chirped outside peacefully. i can hear matt's heart beating in his chest. his hands are wrapped tightly around my hips as if he's afraid i'll disappear. our bodies are tangled in between the sheets. there's a soft filter of light beaming in through the cracks in the window shades. it's faint, not too bright, but enough to wake me up. i shift on top of matt, his arms wrap around me tighter, keeping me close. i wasn't sure if he was awake yet, or if he was a heavy sleeper.

we watched movies, made out, talked. i was afraid that today would feel like some strange sort of walk of shame back to my house, but those worries are washed away the tighter matt's grip on me get's. he subconsciously doesn't want me to leave, even in sleep. it's cute. fridays have no school, which i was super glad for. i haven't gotten a break all week, and now i have a whole weekend to myself. aside from my little date this weekend with miss madison beer.

i try and wiggle my way out of his grip to use the restroom but matt groaned. "i was hoping holding you tighter would make you want to stay." he grumbled and i paused. "i didn't know you were awake." i stifled a giggle. "i need to go to the bathroom matt."

matt's blue eyes opened slowly, he retracted his hands from around my waist, instead using them to fix his hair. "alright, go ahead. gotta get up anyway." matt huffed and we parted ways.

i did my thing in the bathroom. i looked at myself in the mirror. i already looked so different. the bags under my eyes seemed to decrease, the paleness in my skin that arrived with a sickly feeling seemed to be gone too. i genuinely looked healthier, more awake and alive. i smooth out my hair as best as i can. it's frizzy from not brushing it for days. there's a few knots mixed in too. once i feel a little bit better about myself, i head out of the bathroom into the bedroom and nick is sitting on the bed rather than matt, who's no where to be seen. for a split second, i feel like i made a terrible mistake and accidentally fell asleep with the wrong triplet.

"hey girl." nick waves and i pause in the doorway, clicking the light on. "hey nick..." i replied shortly. he grins. "don't worry, we didn't do anything. you and matt though." nick paused, looking at me up and down. "you look a mess."

"matt-i-we.. we didn't do anything." i stuttered, shaking my head in protest but nick shrugged and waved his hand to tell me to stop. "i don't care, i don't wanna hear about it anyway. i was wondering if i could steal you from matt?" i chewed on my bottom lip in thought for a second. i needed to talk to matt some more about everything, and malerie needed to know what's been happening with daniel, and matt should probably find everything out about that too, but for now, i think i need to make some amends with nick and chris too.

i feel like i'm not as close to them as i should be, if i intend on casually dating their brother. "can i dressed first?" i asked and nick nodded. "yeah, i think you and matt should you know do whatever it is you gotta do, and when you're ready let me know. i gotta run some errands if you wanna come along." nick explained, standing up from the bed and walking toward me. "uh yeah that sounds fine." i agreed and nick and i made our plans for later in the evening.

i sat on the bed, waiting for matt to come back. he didn't take too long, he carried with him a plate of pancakes, butter, and some fruit. "oh my goodness." i laughed, sitting back as matt played the trays down on his bed after i flattened out his sheets. "i gotta grab the drinks, i'll be back in a second." matt disappeared once again, coming back seconds later with two glasses of orange juice. "i like apple juice more but this is all we had." matt handed me a cup and i took a sip, realizing just how thirsty i was. "i was hoping we could talk about some thing's." i tread lightly, unsure of how much matt would want to talk so early in the morning.

"alright." matt nodded in agreement. "about what?"

"well... for the passed few day's i've been getting a few concerning messages." i started off and i watched matt carefully, trying to see if i can understand how he's feeling. "who is it?"

"there's technically no caller id, but i know that it's daniel."

"what?"

"i haven't responded to him! he keeps texting me using all these different numbers and i keep blocking him."

"vega, why didn't you say anything sooner? this is the beginning of harassment."

"matt! please, try and understand. i didn't choose to tell you so it can turn into an argument, i just... i don't know what to do. last night, he warned me and said if i blocked him again that he'd try something, and that i'd regret it. i don't even know what it means, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't afraid. daniel has a lot of friends, everywhere. i doubt he has the money to fly to la so soon after being released from prison, but he'll get help. he'll hitchike if he has to!" i shouted, freaking out more and more with every word. "hey, hey, c'mon angel don't get worked up over it. i promise, he's not going to get close to you again, not ever again." matt whispered, gently taking my hands in his, and tugging me to him.

he situates us so his back is against his head board, i'm in between his spread legs and against his chest. "breathe with me." matt suggested, letting out dramatic steady breathes so i could regain my own again. i follow matt's initiative, breathing normally again. i relax into him more. his lips press kisses against my neck gently.

it's so different being with him. i find myself closing my eyes, enjoying these soft quiet moments.

if i slept at daniel's house, we'd have sex until we fell asleep. if we woke up beside each other, we'd have sex until we needed to go somewhere or until neither of us could truly go anymore. most of the time, i never even finished. i knew there was going to be a day where matt and i did it. it was almost unavoidable if we were both serious about this. but i wasn't sure if i would even physically be able to. i can't explain it, i think i'd be too nervous.

"what are you thinking about vega? you're tense..." matt whispered against my skin and i shivered at the feathery touch. "sex." i spit out without thinking. matt coughs and my eyes fly open. "okay, not like that!" i defended but matt shook his head. "no, i... i get it. kind of."

"i was just thinking about how different you are from daniel. i mean you're so sweet. daniel hardly ever made me finish, and we'd go at it for a while.. i have faith you can make a girl finish." matt laughed, long and loud, rubbing his eyes as he continued to laugh at me. i pouted jokingly. "it's not funny!" i smacked matt on the shoulder when he still wouldn't stop laughing at me. "m' not laughing at your gorgeous." matt giggled out between laughs. my face was burning in embarrassment. i should really think before i speak. "i'm laughing cause you have an awful lot of trust in me."

"i just mean that you'd actually care if i finished or not." i huffed out an explanation, standing up from the bed and putting my slides back on. "sorry to eat and run, but i gotta talk to malerie about this too, and nick and i made plans for later.." i trailed off and matt nodded. "no i get it. i'll just eat your breakfast alone in my bedroom... alone." matt repeated for further effect and i rolled my eyes. i leaned over the bed, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "i'll call you later."

"bye angel!"

i found my way out of the triplets house and into my own, immediately going up to malerie's room. i knocked on the door, hoping she was home and awake. i wasn't sure what her schedule looked like nowadays. i think she also said she might stop going to school for the rest of the semester and launch her brand, that way she can put some extra funds into the house rent rather than going to school. plus, her first launch was already taking up half the upstairs space. the room the the triplets made to fit their podcast studio, well we had the same overlook, and curently it was filled with a bunch of different clothing from malerie's brand, mannequins, magazines, and random shit that made sense to only malerie.

i push the door open without knocking. we don't really knock here. "hey." mal calls from her open window, letting in the chill winter air. "hi mal." she's working on decorating her second line, already ahead of the game. apparently this weekend she's getting together with some of the models chris uses for his brand, he suggested she used them a few weeks ago. i think eventually they're gonna do a collab or something. at least sam and mal will for sure, they've discussed it multiple times.

malerie's brand was certainly unique. she didn't even have a brand name yet, she was keeping it a secret from everyone. "you alright? you didn't come home last night." she mumbles, a pin in between her teeth as she talks through it. i sit down on her bed. "well yeah i talked to matt." malerie nodded. "i figured you did more than talk." she suggested, eyebrows wiggling up and down teasingly. "no! oh hell no!" i laughed. why does everyone think matt and i did it last night? do we really have that much sexual tension in between us? "damn, chris and i were betting on it."

"ew!" i screeched and mal just laughed like it was nothing. "what? c'mon v, we teased camille all the time about it when chris would spend the night." malerie took the pin from between her lips, sticking into a satin piece of fabric and pinning the two pieces together. one hand was holding up the piece against a mannequin. "do you like this fabric?" mal asked and i shrugged. "seems a little bland for you." it was a creme white color, shiny in the morning glow, but malerie's whole brand was kinda grunge, gothic, emo. "i was going to put some lace on it, black of course..." malerie trails off, reaching toward the vanity behind her which was covered in all her tools, a few different fabrics set on top as while. "i was envisioning.. fleur's wedding dress from.. harry potter, just a bit more.. modern." she mumbles, stopping every few second to adjust the lace fabric she picked up from the vanity, and hold it up against the satin piece. malerie was great at multi-tasking. "oh." i sighed. "yeah that makes sense, i like it." i nodded, finally understanding her vision. "but uhm, i didn't come in here to talk to you about fashion or matt." malerie pauses, unsticking the pins and letting her fabrics fall to the ground. she pulls out her rolling vanity chair and nods. "alright, i'm all ears."

"great uhm, just gonna get right into it... daniel's been texting me, like non-stop for a few days now." malerie's eye's widened in shock. "what? and you didn't tell me?"

"well to be fair, i thought you were fucking matt behind me back."

"still! we're supposed to be best friends!"

"i wasn't sure i could trust you anymore after what i thought you did!" i shouted in defense. i wasn't sure why she was getting so worked up over nothing. i mean, i know i hid talking to daniel for years before, but this is so different. i don't know why she doesn't understand this. malerie rolled her eyes. "i still don't understand why you'd think i'd sleep with matt anyways, you're practically married already."

"don't say that! we're not married, we're not even dating!"

"just whatever, forget about it. have you talked to daniel recently?" malerie asks, changing the conversation back to what i originally wanted to talk about. i know i already apologized to both matt and malerie for my behavior, taking it completely as my fault for blowing everything out of proportion when i could have just listened to what they had to say, but now i wanted to just sweep it under the rug and forget about it. "no i have not. i keep blocking him, but he's using all his trap phones or his friends or whatever, and he keeps bothering me." malerie's eyebrows furrow in worry. "vega i really think we should be taking legal action with this, i mean he abused you, he already has a criminal record, he practically ra-"

"no!" i shouted, interrupting her from saying it. the word. i can't hear it. "it wasn't like that ever." i denied by malerie shook her head no, not believing me. "vega, i don't think you realized what he's done to you. i'm sure you feel it, but everyone sees it." malerie punctuated. "those bruises on your arms and thighs in high school, the hickeys all over your body, you partying and getting drunk and doing drugs. when the whole school thought you were pregnant cause he started telling people you let him hit it raw." malerie ranted and i felt my whole body shrivel up. "stop."

"not to mention the life lasting effect he's had on you, how you swore off any man ever again because you didn't want to get hurt again. vega, you know what he's done to you, and you keep letting him off the hook!"

a few tears slipped out of malerie's eye's like she was in pain, like she felt it too and i know she did. there had been countless times sophomore year where there were rumors i was pregnant because daniel and i had sex without condoms. i mean most of the time i thought i was pregnant. i never did, somehow. for a while, i figured my incessant drug use, drinking, and my lack of eating was causing me to become infertile, or maybe there was something wrong with daniel. i never was sure what it was though.

the countless amounts of time's malerie and i would end up at the same party, and she'd bring me back to her house so my mom wouldn't find out i was fucked up again, literally and figuratively. we weren't friends, and i was gone before the sun rose again. but still, i remembered it all. when i'd cry in her arms in bathroom stalls, after school and during every pregnancy test. we weren't friends, but we were, despite how much daniel tried to cut me off from everyone else, malerie and i still saw each other all the time, just without him seeing it. he can't go into the girls bathrooms at school anyway.

"when are you going to understand that you're not safe?"

"i am safe. he's no where near us!" i shouted, standing up from the bed. i actually take any more of this. i've been yelled at far too much today, for my whole life really. all malerie and i do is argue, and i still needed to shower, get dressed, and meet nick for his plans later today, and i haven't texted madison to ask for more details about our work date.

my phone buzzes in my pocket and i pull it out. "you wanna see me handle it then? no cops invovled, no nothing. i can handle daniel." i pressed the button on my phone to answer the call, making sure it was in fact an unknown caller id before beginning to shout into the phone. "don't call me again daniel! i'm not some ex girlfriend who's gonna keep crawling back to you! we never had sex, we never got matching tattoos! if you think you're important to me, you're not! so stop fucking calling me and leave me the fuck alone! you're mean and you're boring! i don't feel anything for you! nothing, nothing, nothing! if you call again, i'll send your ass back to prison am i understood?"

i held the phone away from my face, clicking on the button to put it on speaker, feeling like he was going to start yelling at me again, or threaten me with something i was supposed to be afraid of. my only worry is that he'd go after my mother, but if he does, he'll have a whole other hell to pay. i'm not afraid of going to jail for revenge against my abuser. i'm sure i have a hell of a lot of people who'd help me get away with it anyway.

instead he's silent, calm. "okay vega." i whip my head up to malerie who stands up quickly. we all know what this means, it's his business tone. he's not fucking around anymore. i'd rather have him angry at me. is this is final way of getting me back to him? is he really fucking with me this way.

the line disconnects and i let out a few shaky breaths. "what did i do?" malerie wraps her arms around me, holding me tightly against her. "it's okay." she whispers over and over again. "it's okay.."

"what did i do?"

friday, january 8th, 2025, 5:30 pm

" we don't have to go out." nick says tentatively, sitting down in the passenger seat like he's afraid i'm a bomb about to explode. "no, i need this. i need a distraction from him." i briefly called matt, explaining everything that happened with daniel once again, going into even more detail. nick suggested we go out another night but i denied him. i needed something to do. "alright." nick pulled the passenger door shut and i pulled out of my parking spot while he buckled in. "where to first?"

"i'm in dire need of a drink. dutch bros?"

"oh fuck yeah, i heard they're getting in some new drinks. i haven't had dutch bros in forever. there's way too many starbucks in los angeles." i said while driving in the direction a bit away from los angeles, towards a different town that i knew had a dutch bros in it. "and after dutch bros?"

"i was thinking go find a movie theater and then get dinner afterward?" i nodded. "i like the way you think mr. sturniolo." i said in a jokingly posh manner that made nick chuckle. he plugged his phone into the aux, immediately doja cat's voice erupted over the speakers and nick and i say along to the words together. it wasn't often i found myself alone with a man, aside from sam, but he's cool and i haven't seen him since new years. speaking of new years, sam was in an awful mood the whole night.

"so what's up with you and sam?" i asked, turning the speakers down. nick groans and roll shis head back against the head rest. "i don't wanna talk about boys."

"what why not? sam was in an awful mood on new years. what happened?"

"he asked if i could come, i flat out said no. i didn't want to go to a party. i didn't even realize that he probably wanted me to be his new years kiss or whatever, i don't like new years." nick ranted and i nodded. "no i get it, new years is just a reason for people to start something they'll never finish."

"exactly, and realistically, if you really wanted to get into the habit of like eating healthy, working out, focusing on yourself, you wouldn't wait for a new year, you'd just start!" nick ranted loudly and i nodded along in agreement. "but i really want to focus on you and sam. you guys are important to me." nick got quiet for a second, which is odd for nick. "how did you and sam even become friends anyway? i thought you hated men?"

i giggled quietly and shrugged. "it took a while for sam and i to become friends actually. since cami, mal, and i were all so knew to la, we mostly spent our time exploring. we found this huge two story target, the one sam works at, and the first big girl purchase we made was the tv in the living room. at the time, we only had malerie's car, so we were really stupid and it didn't fit. sam promised he'd hold onto the tv, and we could meet up again at 8, and after his shift was over he'd use his truck and drive it to our house."

i explained, remembering the day sam and i met. "i refused of course, i didn't want the help of man, much less have a man know where we lived. we were living alone, just three girls in the middle of la, who are social media creators. i thought he recognized us, maybe he'd fuck us over. but he didn't. and malerie talked to him a lot, she found out he was gay, had his own brand, was in school, worked full time and takes care of his younger brother drew all on his own."

i looked over at nick, sharing a glance with each other at a red light. "sometimes i think if i went things would be different for us. we haven't really talked since then. was he like... mad?" nick asked as casually as he could so i wouldn't think he had any opinion on if sam was actually acting strange. but c'mon... it's nicolas sturniolo, he always has an opinion on something. i take a second to think everything through. "if by being mad you mean talking to some other guys or girls or whatever he's into these days, i don't know nick he kinda disappeared as soon as we showed up."

nick nodded quietly. "alright never mind then.. you and matt?"

"what about me and matt?" i asked tentatively. i believed he said he didn't wanna hear about us? "are you two dating yet?"

"dating no? but he asked me to be his valentine. and he gave me a job too, if you didn't know."

"he asked you to be his valentine? that's so cute." nick laughed happily. "i'm kinda pissed he didn't ask you to be his girlfriend yet."

"what why? we like... i still got a lot of shit on my figure out nick, i can't just jump into a relationship. daniel is still on my ass, i don't even know if matt and i are like compatible..." i rambled but nick cut me off. "no, no i get it girl, you don't gotta worry. we're not gonna force you into a relationship with matt anyway. i just figured that he fucked up really bad and needed a way to make up for it."

"i mean, yeah he messed up, but we're okay now. definitely a lot better than we used to be that's for sure. i'm not a hundred percent sure i can trust him completely, everyone is making it sound like he's still hiding stuff from me. like malerie, i tried not to focus on it too much, but when i apologized to her this morning... i dunno it sounded like she expected me to call them out for something different." i side eye'd nick, wondering if he had any input. i normally wouldn't be talking about my feelings in depth like this to anyone except my therapist, and maybe malerie or camille. but i can't trust malerie right not completely and cami has a whole new life she needs to work on before i can throw her in the deep end of my life. i'll probably set up a face time call with her sometimes this weekend if we're both not too busy.

"vega i promise you, there isn't anything going on between matt and malerie, and if there was, you and i both would be getting our asses out of there. both matt and chris were raised to treat women with respect, me too of course, but they love women like relationships and i love women like best friends. i promise matt wouldn't be keeping something from you if it wasn't special or important." nick promised. i pulled up to the dutch bros line, it was long. it makes sense since some people usually get out of work at around 5 in the afternoon.

nick and i stopped talking about relationships at that point, shifting our conversation to drinks, where we wanted to get dinner, and what movie we wanted to watch. we ended up watching a showing of some animated kids movie, which actually proved to be funny, and then stopped at in n out for dinner. the night was so smooth, little to no interruptions, not calls or texts on my phone, no men talking at me (aside from nick of course but he didn't talk at me, he talked to me). my day ended off rather peaceful for once).

saturday, january 11 2025, 7:00 am.

for a moment, i do not know where i am.

the sheets on the bed don't feel like mine, there isn't the constant scent of paint fumes, no loud music coming from the kitchen. it was rather quiet. i shifted around, eye's still closed due to how exhausted i felt. despite not knowing where i was, i wasn't fearful. i felt safe and content.

and then i heard it, the steady sounds of breathing and a heartbeat and i knew i was with matt. i stretch out on top of him, my eye's blinking open slowly. i didn't expect to ever to be so comfortable with a man again, but here i am wrapped up in the sheets of a man who i swore i'd never date, who i swore i'd never even like. you know, vega a few months ago would probably have a fit seeing what i'm doing now. knowing that i've kissed matt, we've made out, slept in the same bed, he's held me, we talk about thing's.

as much as i would love to lie down here with him forever, i unfortunately need to run again. i have a meeting with madison beer at ten today and her home isn't far from us, but i needed to get ready in my own house. i try pulling away from matt but he holds onto my tighter. is he going to do this every time?

"few more minutes." matt requests sleepily. i giggle into his chest. "matt, i need to get up. i have to go to work."

matt huffed. "don't even act like this, you're the one who got me the job." i pointed out, taking a jab at his pouty behavior. "you should bring some on your thing's to my house so you don't have to leave all the time."

"what's the point when i live next door?"

matt and i both slowly separate our tangled limbs, sitting up fully and waking up even further. "have i ever told you that you look pretty in the morning?" i roll my eyes at his comments. i appreciate them to a certain degree, at least he thinks i'm pretty, but then again, i'd be fine if he didn't think i was pretty. i don't need matt but i want him and i think he wants me. "i do not look pretty in the morning matt." i rolled my eyes, grabbing onto a pillow and smacking him with it gently. matt catches the pillow, ripping it away from my hands. "don't start something you can't finish, angel."

i think we both know there's a bit of a double connotation in that sentence. it rips the breath from my lungs and i look at the navy blankets bashfully. "hey," his hand comes out, gently lifting my head so we look at each other. "i gotta go matt." i whispered lowly. my heart is beating so fast. i think there's such a big difference in sitting silently with someone, than animatedly talking to them. like this, right here, we're just staring at each other. i can see the other shades of blue in his eyes, the light stubble growing on his cheeks, his messy hair flowing in all directions from sleep. as much as i take him in, i know he's doing the same thing to me.

he can probably see how tired i still am. my night with nick was long, but i loved it more than anything. he can see my hair, just as messy as his, my curls undefined. i think i'll straighten it today if i don't have time for my full hair care routine. and he definitely will take into notice the basketball shorts that belong to him, his t shirt and his hoodie. i honestly think i'll just take them with me when i go home.

"i know." matt whispered back. "you wanna hang out after you're done with madison?" he asked. i agreed and matt let me leave, still wearing all his clothes. i made my way over to my house, unlocking the door and heading to my room without thinking anything. except vinnie hacker was in my kitchen.

"hello vincent." i laughed, passing him and malerie who were eating breakfast. "hi vega." vinnie watches me as i walk passed the two heading straight into my room. the footsteps behind me were light, i knew malerie was following me. "vega.." malerie starts, shutting the door behind us gently. "what? i'm not gonna bother you, i gotta head into work, i got my meeting with madison beer at like ten." i walked over to my dresser, tugging out a few random thing's. i pulled out a green tube top and matching flare sweatpants. i wasn't exactly sure what madison had planned, but i was hoping we wouldn't be trapezing around the los angeles county.

it was still cute and comfortable though. "oh right, i almost forgot." malerie says while i get dressed. "yeah, so you two will have the whole house to yourselves tonight. i might go hang out with matt afterward but i'm not sure yet, so you might even get to have the house to yourself all night too." i bat my eyelashes at her teasingly. malerie cringes. "uhm thanks?" she tugs on the black knit sweater covering her upper half. "but i was actually coming to see if you were super busy tomorrow?"

"why tomorrow?"

"well i was thinking we could go shopping? i have an interview for a job later and if i do good, they said they'll hire me on the spot, but i'll need some new clothes for it."

"yeah sure, i can try and be home before 5:00, but quite how long madison's expecting us to be working together for. i think she was originally thinking like 2 to five hours, maybe?" i said, sitting at the vanity to work on my makeup. "would you mind plugging in the hair straightener in the bathroom?" i requested before malerie could leave.

we both agreed that we'd meet up at the mall whenever i was done with work today, and that we'd go shopping. i'm super busy this week, which i'm grateful for or else my thoughts would be utterly consumed with whatever plans daniel had for me. maybe he got the hint, maybe he's plotting on my downfall even further. maybe he's gotten tired of bothering me and is going to move on to someone else. i hate having to sit here and wonder if he's ever going to attack.

N O S E B L E E D S

[justice4billy]

That's what you get for waking up in Vegas

Warnings; Billy being Billy lol

Chapter five

"You can do this Han" Heather stated her hands braced on either side of Hannahs arms. "Think of the money" she reminded her. It was the same mantra she had been repeating all morning and even on the way to Billy's apartment.

"The money" Hannah muttered reminding herself of the ultimate goal. It was all that mattered to her, she was strong, loyal and competitive. There is no way she was losing at this game.

Hannah turned taking a deep breath before knocking on the door. She became annoyed as the girls patiently waited for an answer, raising her fist in the air and landed another hard knock.

"Jesus, I heard you" Billy grumbled as he opened the door, a snarky expression on his handsome face. "Oh it's you" he grumbled stepping aside to let the girls in.

Hannah rolled her eyes shoving her way past him and into the pokey apartment. It was small she noted, a couch and a TV which she guessed was the living area followed by a small open plan kitchen.

"I'd give your a tour but I don't want too" Billy stated plopping down on the couch.

"Real mature" Hannah spat walking towards a closed door and peeking in. This must be her bedroom she thought, noting a small double bed in the centre and a tattered brown couch underneath the window. "It stinks in here" she gagged placing her bags down and opening the window.

"Well, it's nice" Heather hesitated bringing in the rest of her stuff. "I'll leave you to get acquainted with the place" she stated giving Hannah a sympathetic pat on the back.

"Please don't leave me" Hannah begged.

"I have to get back to work Han" Heather reminded her. "Call me later and we can talk and try not to kill each other" she waved over her shoulder as she exited the apartment.

Hannah sighed grimacing as she noted the strange smell still lingering. "What the hell is that?" She muttered taking the cover and lifting it up. She gagged when she saw a used condom in the bedsheets.

"See you've found our room" Billy stated, making Hannah look up at him in disbelief. He was leaning against the open door with his arms folded.

"You mean my room" she sassed stripping the bedsheets.

"Your room? Hey, the hell are you doing?" Billy asked furrowing his brow.

"I'm not sleeping with you and I'm also not sleeping on that ratty couch" she stared. "I'm going to wash these gross sheets" she finished stripping the bedding.

Billy scoffed. "You're forgetting this is my apartment" he stated.

Hannah smirked. "Not anymore" she replied holding up her ringed finger in a rude gesture. "Whats mine is yours, remember?" She smirked.

Billy glowered. "Stuck up brat" he threw out turning on his heel.

"Asshole" she shouted back at his retreating form.

She bundled the sheets in her arms and carried them into the living area, she thanked God that Billy at least had a washing machine in his apartment  she thought before placing the diseased sheets in the wash and turning it to sixty degrees.

She huffed before stomping back into the room and retrieving her anti bacterial spray before spraying down the mattress and headboard.

"You're a complete nut job" Billy stated.

Hannah rolled her eyes. "Oh it's you again" she sassed. "Have you nothing else to do?" She asked.

Billy chuckled. "What? Other than watch my wife carry out the duties God intended?" He smirked.

Hannah narrowed her eyes. "Great so your also a sexist pig" she spat.

"Better than being a control freak" he muttered bored.

"Why don't you go and shave your chest hair?" She threw back.

"Aww is someone on their period?" Billy mused. "Don't worry ill be sure to get you enough pills to knock your ass out" he added.

"Dick" Hannah fumed aggressively unpacking her antibacterial wipes.

"Yeah I've got a big one, shame you'll never get to see it again" he smirked thrusting his junk forward in a crude manner.

Hannah picked up a shoe launching it towards him. Billy chuckled as he shut the door in time, the shoe narrowly missing his head.

She couldn't even deal with him for five minutes. How was she expected to cope with him for six months?