#I had to reread some parts to finish up this post and now I'm suffering from hiatus withdrawal again

[cherchersketch]

My Secretly Hot Husband / My Husband hides his Beauty

It’s like medieval Beauty and the Beast, except with MLMs (wait what)

Summary Our girl has been reincarnated into this medieval life (because it helps the plot and gives her a fear of fire backstory. lol) Because of trash family reasons, she has to be married to the ~monster duke~. But don’t worry, it’s only a 3-year age gap and he actually looks *fine* but nobody can tell him that because of ~plot reasons~ Anyway, demons/devils exist and the way to defeat them, according to some ancient sage, is through the power of CAPITALISM! That’s right, our girl can read the ~mysterious ancient language~ written by an ancient prophet (a.k.a hangul). Using the power of fraud, she’s gonna go up the demon tier list to defeat them all and help hubby break his family curse. UwU

Tropes   - past life explained in one frame   - just throw this whole family away      - this is just an arranged marriage he/she would never love me   - the TRUE EVIL is late-stage CAPITALISM   - modern technology = magic

FL - Letitia el Halstead

- conquering devils and kingdoms with the power of BUSINESS FRAUD - literally harnessing the power of “The Art of the Deal” against actual demons - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

ML - Erden el Halstead

- hiding his ~*beauty*~ behind a mask - such a cute little puppy //sob Letitia please lift his curse soon - divorce my wife speedrun any% extreme monster hard mode (because Letitia would never)

Rating: Loved this so much I spent real life money in that I binged and then decided to pay for the weekly updates on tapas Status (as of 30 Nov 2023) Ongoing. Season 2 just ended so it’s yet another ~hiatus time~  Stopped at a pretty decent place though, not a cliffhanger, so it’s a good time to binge right now. 100% completed ;w; 

Same Same but Different   - Leveling up my Husband to the Max

full rec list

[quaranmine]

tumblr book report time

okay, I finished Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams earlier today! I did say in the post a few hours ago I only had about 40 pages left. I also reread about another 80 or so pages that I read last year just to refresh my memory. So, I'm now going to do the (potentially) depressing task of listing out the endangered species features in this book, and seeing if any are still alive. I don't know yet how depressing or exciting this post might be.

Madagascar

This part of the book is from a trip in 1985, where they went to try and find the aye-aye lemur. I am pleased to report that the aye-aye is still alive, although still endangered. Woo-hoo! The aye-aye is the world's largest nocturnal primate, and is so unique it has no taxomic family (no related species.) They are considered evil, or harbingers of death, in folk belief, so they face danger from being hunted and killed.

Indonesia

In this chapter, they travel to the island of Komodo to look at the Komodo dragons. Komodo dragons, thankfully, are still alive, but still endangered due to the fragility of their habitat. They're at risk of volcanoes, earthquakes, habitat loss, fire, tourism, loss of prey from poaching, and illegal poachnig in general. Climate chane and sea level rise also threaten their habitat. There are 1,380 mature individuals left in the wild and 3,400 total.

Democratic Republic of Congo (Zaïre at the time of the book's publishing)

In this chapter, they end up seeing two animals. They traveled to the country to see the northern white rhinocerous, but also ended up seeing mountain gorillas too because, as Adams says, "It is very hard to go all the way to Zaïre and not see them." Mountain gorillas, although listed as endangered, are still around. The World Wildlife Fund lists their population as just over 1,000 individuals. The specific area that Adams and Carwardine visit in the book, Virunga National Park, has seen an increase in population. When they visited in the late 80s, there was a population of 320, but as of 2010 there were 480.

Here's where my post actually gets sad. The animal that Adams and Carwardine actually planned to visit in the DRC was the northern white rhinocerous. In 1988 at the time of the trip (or perhaps 1990 at the publishing of the book), there were 22 individuals left in the wild, all in Garamba National Park. Twenty two. Douglas Adams writes about the sad state of their population, and compares it to the success of the subspecies the southern white rhino. He ends that section of the book with the sentence: "The point is, we are not too late to save the northern white rhinocerous from exctinction."

Feeling very energized after reading this, I had set down my book and pulled out my smartphone to google the northern white rhinocerous. The bad news is, the northern white rhino is functionally extinct in 2023. There are only two left in the entire world, and both are female, mother and daughter. Garamba National Park has suffered years of turmoil from politcal unrest, wars, insurgents, and poachers. In 2008, there were no northern white rhinos left in the wild and only 8 left in captivity.

There's some tentatively good news. Before the last male died in 2018, his sperm was collected. The remaining two living females cannot carry babies anymore, but the daughter's eggs were gathered. There's a team of scientists trying IVF, and since 2019 they've managed to get 24 embryos from one female and two males. They're planning on using another southern white rhino as a surrogate. Will this save the species? Who knows. Any babies that result will have to be inbred--either siblings or half-siblings. No genetic diversity remains in the subspecies. But it is interesting to me since this sort of thing used to not be possible at all for endangered species.

New Zealand

The first birds mentioned in this chapter is the Kea, which is also endangered, but this chapter isn't really about them. It's about the Kakapo. The Kakapo are probably my favorite animal described in this book, because they seem so silly. It's a wonder they never managed to go extinct at any point in history. I love them. Fortunately, there's good news for Kakapo: they're doing better!

Actually, I saw a tweet about them literally earlier today:

They're still considered critically endangered, but this is good news. As of 2023 there are 248, which is a significant increase in the ~70 that existed when the book was written. Yay, kākāpō! They're very cute.

China

Here is where the post gets sad again. In this chapter, Adams and Carwardine visit the Yangtze in search of the baiji river dolphin. It has been 21 years since the last confirmed sighting of the baiji, and 17 years since they were considered extinct after no trace of them could be found. I find this particularly sad, because part of the chapter in this book has Adams and Carwardine visiting with the Tongling Baiji Conservation Committee, and their construction of a nature reserve on the river. The end of the chapter seems hopeful based on this hard work, so I also feel quite sad for all these people in 1989 who cared so much and were still unable to save these animals :(

Mauritius

This is the final chapter of the book, and covers quite a few animals. The original intention was for them to be looking for the Rodrigues fruit bat. These bats are endangered, but with increasing population. By the time of the book's publishing in 1990, the population had just passed the 1,000 mark. The Philadelphia Zoo website says with breeding programs, there are now 20,000 left in the wild.

Another species mentioned is the Mauritius Kestrel. In 1974, there were only 4 individuals left. Now, thanks to breeding programs, there are about 400 left in the wild as of 10 years ago. That's amazing, but it is a bit worrying still--in 2005, there were 800 in the wild. So there was a wildly successful reintroduction and now the population is dipping again. But if they survived it once, I think we can help them survive it again.

Another bird mentioned is the pink pigeon. As of the publishing of the book in 1990, there were less than 10 in the wild. Now, thanks to conservation efforts, there are approximately 480. They've suffered some loss of genetic diversity, though.

Finally, the echo parakeet is mentioned. As of the time of the book's publishing, there were less than 15 remaining in the wild. I am happy to say that as of 2020 there are more than 800 birds left in the wild, and their status has been moved from endangered to just vulnerable--a step up!

That brings me to the end of my tumblr book report. I was actually mildly surprised and happy to see that only two of the species mentioned in the book are extinct/functionally extinct, and that the others were saved from the brink. I seriously thought while googling some of the birds at the end that they would be gone, but fortunately they're still around.

Goodnight! I spent way too long writing this!

[cloudninetonine]

was doing a checkover your blog since I'm back to being minimally stable after my migraine hit me like a truck and sent me flying right back to my bed to sleep like a fucking hibernating snake, but oh dear! it's already been three whole days since i last posted any ask in here? i thought it was a day and a half at most.

anyways, first of all, i hope you've been well, since I've noticed you kinda of disappeared these last few days, and if you are resting, please don't let me interrupt you akbdkdjd. sometimes all we need is a little time away from everything. either way, i hope you're doing well, lovely.

and as for why I'm here, I'm facing (what i call) a serious predicament. been writing the first work for my blog and all, yet things have been slow because of this god forsaken migraine attacking me everyday, and I'm now finished with five of the boys, and my fingers are itching to just split all of it in half and post whatever i have ready right now, and do the rest later, possibly on the weekend. HOWEVER, with how inconsistent I've been working with it, i had to reread it to make sure it was at last acceptable, only to find that warrior's part, the one i wrote just before i went to sleep, was an utter mess, some words so wrong i couldn't even begin to decipher what I meant at the time and some phrases so nonsensical i just had to rewrite as a whole. tbh his part was the only one who suffered, but man it made me laugh akjosjdkdn. the other one were somewhat clean, except that i might or might not have gone overboard with like... twi part... i'm not a simp, okay?

well, i thought it was a fun little bit of my past few days as a trying writer and i thought maybe someone else would find it funny or useful to remember to at least revise whatever they write when they're feeling unwell. and also a show of my appreciation for all you go through to post your own works, because ffs, i wouldn't last a month if i posted updates as regularly as you.

— a now plentifully rested fungi 🍄

I'M GLAD YOU GOT YOUR FULL REST FUNGI!!!!

Also thank you for asking! My mental health is taking another tumble because it';s a little bitch and I've been at work so I've been wiped out! But I'm trying to power through it!

AND I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO READ WHAT YOU POST PLEASE TAG ME ONCE YOU;RE FINISHED!! I've been there, waking up the next day to see the mess on the screen POUGFGI but it happens and I hope you were able to improve it to how you like!!!

[bereft-of-frogs]

is friday. have a list.

reading:

(finished) Notes on an Execution - Danya Kukafka: Still excellent, still thinking about the ending

(in-progress) The Great Transition - Nick Fuller Goggins: I got this from the person who runs the horror book club I go to. The blurb compared it to Station Eleven, perilously high praise, but I'm weirdly enjoying it. Weirdly because I was afraid the structure would get annoying and weirdly because it's doing a bunch of things I usually find annoying but I'm not annoyed? I think it's because even though there's a lot of social justice themes, it never really feels like the characters are lecturing at the reader. Like there have been some scenes where characters are lecturing other characters - but so far they've all felt like they were more about revealing about the characters and their relationships rather than being like 'see, I know about solidarity, look how good a person I am!' I also really like that the exposition is being given through one of the POV characters (a high school student)'s essays, which have comments from her teacher and the comments are all PERFECT - and sure enough the author's day job is as a teacher. XD

(finished) Light of the Jedi - Charles Soule: still not my favorite, but it does pick up once you get past the first part. I think the narration of that action goes on for a bit too long and doesn't leave much space to take in the characters or setting because so much is happening, one thing after another. But, as I said last week, infinitely better than doomscrolling

(in-progress) Into the Dark - Claudia Gray: Ok the thing about Light is that I didn't really care about any of the deaths in it....until this book made me care. I think Gray is just a little bit more adept at character writing, I really started to fall in love with the High Republic and its characters in this book. I am sad though, given I'm probably going to have to skip Midnight Horizon to avoid getting derailed again, this might be where Reath and I part ways. I ended up loving Reath so much! But alas! Midnight Horizon was not my cup of tea, so I will have to say farewell.

(in-progress) Lord of the Rights chapter-a-day reread: Pelennor Fields today. DEAAAATTTHHH!!!!

watching (tv):

(finished) Silo (Apple TV): WHY am I still thinking about that finale?? why was that so good? WHEN is season 2 coming out?

(in-progress, rewatch) Altered Carbon (Netflix): to stop myself from just watching dumb commentary youtube videos while I'm cooking/eating dinner/etc I started rewatching Altered Carbon and damn it's just so good. I'm almost finished with the first season, I know the second is controversial/isn't quite as good but I still enjoyed it so will continue on

I'm in kind of a hangover post-Silo for the show I watch as part of my bedtime routine. I watched 2 episodes of Foundation and precisely 30 minutes of Severance before I fell asleep last night (I was just really tired because a certain Void Creature had me up at 5AM, not Severance's fault), so idk which I'm going to continue on with. Probably Severance, I'll get back to Foundation eventually.

watching (film):

The Strangers (2008): That scene where Liv Tyler is smoking in the kitchen and the intruder is standing unseen in the background is my LITERAL NIGHTMARE.

Hell House LLC II: The Abbadon Hotel (2018) and Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (2019): This is such a bizarre series because the first is slightly above-average found footage, the fourth is actually surprisingly scary, and the middle two are SUCH hot garbage, but. Completionist. I have seen them all now. The best scene in the third is with the cultists/demons scuttling around and I realized why it makes me laugh, they remind me of the wraiths in What We Do in the Shadows XD

Dune Part 2 (2024) - I SAW DUNE AGAIN IT WAS STILL GOOD. Aside, is Austin Butler in something the Youths (TM) like? Because I only know him from the awful Elvis movie I suffered through last year. The girl selling my ticket was like 'yeah I've seen it twice as an audience member and then I keep going up to the projection room to watch the duel because Austin Butler *heart eyes*' and I was like.....him? Really? Are the kids just horny for Harkonnens? I have questions.

video game update: I'm unstuck on cult of the lamb! I had the run of my life and got past the underwater level, it was great.

craft update: Skein still tangled, don't want to talk about it. But I've finished the short rows on the sweater vest and am onto the repetitive part! The next real milestone will be getting to where it joins the back under the arms, and I no longer have to purl. I can't wait.

weekend list -- just kidding it's a WEEK list because I'm on vacation! (technically I am dogsitting but I'm still taking a week off from work to go hang out with a dog, so that counts as vacation):

focus up to get through the workday. friends, it is 11AM and that is not going well, let me tell you

go for a run

pack / tidy up apartment so I don't come back to wreckage

non-writing things to do while at parents' house:

many walks! dog cuddles!

try out their fancy peloton thing, see what this cult thing is all about

knitting - planning to work on sweater vest, despite the fact that it is black and my parents' dog is so, so yellow... (she's a yellow lab)

laundry. so much laundry. everything that is in my apartment that can be put in a washing machine, is being brought. We've got sheets, we've got towels, bath mats, etc etc. My parents are paying me for dogsitting services in water usage.

read: I'm bringing 3 books I took out of the library yesterday which seems...ambitious...but maybe doable if I-

--don't scroll. seriously. I've blocked so many things, if I can just stick to occasionally checking my tumblr dash and maybe pinterest once in a while, I can get so much else done

writing to-do:

main project: longfic I am tentatively calling 'the station' (probably will change but this is at least better than my last working title which made no sense so I'm keeping it for now), I have 25k in a very rough draft, and am on chapter 2 of 12 in the rewrite (about 8k words). (It's probably going to be much longer than 25k, that was essentially just the self-indulgent scenes that came easily, now I'm doing the hard plot work, connecting scenes, etc, trying to go roughly in order so I don't have to do another full draft.)

start on the final part of 'omens and all kinds of signs': ideally finish a rough draft but we'll see, I have not started it at all, but I know it will feel good to finish it, if I can get some of the pieces together, that would be great

rough draft of the third variation on the tattoo theme (I have...900 words so far)

rough draft of an alternative POV to an already posted fic that's just an excuse to be shamelessly self-indulgent (I have ?? words scribbled in a notebook about it)

[thehealingsystem]

top 5 cg chapters and top 5 mp100 characters for the top 5 ask game :]

OH. okay. hmmm these will probs all be c!henry centric

1. The Ink Demon

Where do I start. This chapter...perfect ending for the first part. Couldn't even think about anything better than this. Every time I even GLANCE at the ending it gives me the feels. What happened there, Henry having to trust Joey and work with him ("What about you?" GJSJFHSHHFF), the Ink Demon finally given a soul, just the pure shock + Henry reflecting on his past compared to his present. Him IMMEDIATELY adopting Bendy, seeing how he changed. And ending it off with "Now what?" Just....yes

2. Those Still, Soft Spaces

I reread this chapter a lot. Filled with fluff yet its just so...sad. I'm SO GLAD Henry got to have those moments by himself, alone, just letting himself feel and experience the world for the first time in years. Actually realizing that the time loop was broken, that he was free. Even when he had given up hope a long time ago. Him being so damn happy over chex mix of all things was just so adorable but also just so :( this chapter just hits so hard. Him crying with pure happiness, plus the toons actually getting to have a proper introduction with him. I love it

3. Blackout

This chapter was so terrifying...C!Henry IMMEDIATELY stepped up to the plate here. And seeing HS!Henry do so as well despite his fear was refreshing. We got a special moment with the Henries bc of it, but also that fight...C!Henry is so badass, but I hate how this is just his norm. And that NIGHTMARE. A part of me wants it to be more than a nightmare, and considering the theme of CG it probably was, but also does he need to suffer more. does he. the answer is no

I do have a fic in the drafts for this chapter from a different perspective (gonna be mostly hs!joey tho not solely him). When am I gonna finish it? I have no idea. But I really want to see what it was like for the rest of them. But I'm glad we got to see C!Henry's dream

Also it seems that he's gained some respect points from that fight. It clearly shows in recent chapters. "Henry'll be there!" "If anyone could keep it check, it'd be him"  “Besides, ah, Henry, he’s proven he’s not a pushover. I’ll be fine" He's gained some trust from others, they rely on him to protect them now (I personally think it should be the other way around...but I'm glad they see his reliability)

4. There's A Lot to Unpack Here...

This chapter hurts, but it was expected. Honestly it would've been better if they had known what to expect. I mean, I would too be pissed if a guy I used to be friends with had trapped me in a time loop for years, only to be suddenly brought to a separate world where nothing had ever gone wrong and that very same man's counterpart was also there, while also completely misunderstanding just what had happened there. When they started DEFENDING HIS JOEY....he got SO PISSED. I don't blame him at all ("How can you be sure it was even his fault?" Susie sweetie I know you mean well but omfg)

5. Story Time

Ah! An AWRB chapter! Finally! I was waiting for this to happen. And damn that hurt! He needed to actually admit what happened and not keep it all inside, but I feel bad for Al and Tom. Imagine finding out your entire life is a lie? Gonna be even worse when they find out who they used to be. It would probably also result in them also having their grudge against Joey. And HS!Joey's gonna feel even worse than he already does

OH and it was DEFINITELY him who eavesdropped on their conversation. We've had absolute radio silence from him on his part, and all he's done is been holed up in his office. If he's trying to find a solution for Sammy/Sam, or something more (cause believe me, why wouldn't he try to fix their side after hearing that?), I don't know

I think I'm gonna answer the second one in a separate post...don't want it too long + mp100 is too off topic for this

For anyone curious, this is about this fanfic. It's super amazing, so I suggest if you like bendy you should read it!

[theflyingfeeling]

The university AU is one of my favourite fics and I reread it very often 😍 I'd love to hear more about the writing process if you want to share! (regarding the tags in that one post)

Really? 🥺😭💗 Ohh, love to anon for one thousand years <3

It's obviously been a while since I finished writing it, but of course I can share what I still remember! 🥰

While I did have an actual outline for the whole story in terms of what would happen in each chapter and in which order the POVs would be, there were some key moments or sometimes just some very specific lines that I pretty much based the whole fic around:

The Titanic concersation between Joonas and Niko (ch4) (this wasn't actually that important in the grand scheme of things, I just thought it was funny and it's one of my favourite scenes 😆)

“Because I was afraid I would take too many and not wake up at all.” (Joel's line in Ch5.1)

Aleksi "stealing" Joel's leather jacket and Joel buying him exactly the same one to keep as his own

Tommi's answer to Olli when he (drunkenly) wonders who he'll go to for some kisses and cuddles now that Joonas is with Niko (“Beats me.”) + “You’re such a good friend.”

These were the scenes that I REALLY wanted to write, and the rest just sort of...happened? Some of it was planned (e.g. pretty much everything that went down with Joel and Aleksi), but for some of the plot details I had only a vague idea when I began writing (e.g. Niko's background story). There were also some details that ended up working out perfectly by accident, such as Joonas heading over to Niko's when Joel and Aleksi (and Rilla!!) were having a sleepover in J&J's room. For some other plotlines my original idea changed during writing; for example Joonas and Niko were supposed to get together way earlier and easier than they did, but I decided to give them a bit rougher path in comparison to Joel/Aleksi, to avoid having two similar plotlines. Another plot detail I originally had was for Joonas to have had a crush on Olli back in the day (NOT overlapping with Olli's crush on him however) and that to be revealed when Olli confesses, but it didn't seem right in the end.

The only chapter that I never had a proper outline for was the very last one, and I actually only finished it on the day I uploaded it. In a way it serves as a sort of an epilogue, as it hints at a new, budding relationship, but doesn't really give much more than that to the reader.

The Fall Out Boy lyrics in the summaries of each chapter was perhaps one of the most fun parts of the writing process and I was so happy with how many of them turned out. Having said that, I did have trouble finding suitable ones for some of the chapters, but I'm particularly happy with the songs I chose for Olli's chapters, as well as Joonas' and Niko's 2nd chapters, and I like to think as a whole it makes a pretty cool soundtrack (I often imagine my stories more as TV series or movies, so here you might wanna think of Skam-esque use of music).

However, my absolute favourite thing about the whole fic and the creation process was Tommi's silent suffering throughout the story, revealed bit by bit (because if you read it again after having finished it once, you probably look at Tommi and his actions very differently). It was super exciting to write this kind of plotline and I was so so happy with how it turned out; at least based on the readers' reactions, I want to believe I did a good job there 💖

Fun fact: I actually started writing some sort of sequel around February last year, but I had no idea where I was going with it (I only managed a bit of Joel and Aleksi renovating Aleksi's house and Rilla ruining the floor by walking around with paint-stained paws 🥰). I don't have a plot for the sequel, only one VERY vague scene/shot of Tommi/Olli, so unti I can think of what I want to say with thay story (other than showing you that all is well), I'm afraid you're gonna have to keep waiting 😔 But as you may have seen with the Olympics AU, I might get a sudden burst lf insporation from the smallest of things, so who knows really? 👀

[dondake]

i wrote a whole rant for hashihime so i deserve to do another one for uuultra c since i keep subjecting myself to the messy writing of adelta

honestly after ch 1 i had a nagging feeling i was just not going to enjoy the game just like hashihime but i powered through. my biggest concern ended up being true: that the plot holes that were written in - obviously with the intention of being patched in later chapters - would not all be filled in. it's fine to leave some things to the reader's imagination but it shouldn't be a barrier to immersion which it was, unfort for this game.

if the writer wanted a weaving storyline, they should not have written it into 3 separate sections. the sections imply that they are standalones and can be read to understanding as such. they are not. the first chapter suffers the most from this, since it basically forces you to finish the other 2 to collect more detail. and honestly, it did not even need to. the concept of the first chapter is "i am a kaiju and my boyfriend is a hero dedicated to destroying kaijus". that is a whole idea. yes, it could be supplemented by other details that are fleshed out in other chapters, but the central concept is compelling enough. but because the writing was determined to make you go through the rest of the game, you're just reading it and being like huh? that makes no sense...so you end up not being able to fully enjoy and complete the first story because you end up thinking about things that don't add up. i actually liked the akira/shoutaro ship, which made me disappointed because then i had to go through with other ships to get more context for some of the storyline

the backstory for some of the kaiji encountered in ch 1 being part of the story of ch 2 and 3 was interesting and honestly that would have been enough to connect to ch 1. instead, i finished ch 1 wondering if the writing was bad on purpose or if it would all be resolved by ch 3 (spoiler, it wasn't)

ch 2 was ok. it filled in more detail and went faster than ch 1 since we already had some of the details and context explained. i don't think i have much to say about it. i'm meh on the ship dynamic, i think they tried to make it way more edgy than it needed to be without actually saying anything...probably the ship i'm most ambivalent about

i had a lot of hopes put on ch 3. i was partially interested in the ship dynamic but also the previous chapters kind of set it up as a "ok NOW you'll get a full explanation" so i was waiting for it. and yeah, it explained a bit more. it kind of satisfactorily legitimized the need for a parallel/alt universe, although maybe the translation was a bit wonky because i needed to reread that part to understand the intent. but then yomi coming back (did he? the pre-credit scene implied some kind of closure with jyuro but in both previous chapters it's implied he was shot back into space - either to die or return to his home planet. it was unclear which) came out of left field. how did that happen? nah, that isn't important! also, you'll be left wondering because there's no post credit stinger scene like in the others! why? because it's a meta commentary on two plot drivers deciding they don't want to be main characters anymore so it doesn't matter!!!!

ultimately i have a few requests for adelta. i think they have a lot of promise. both uuu and hashi have really good core concepts. time travel bookstore? heros and monsters? good ideas. the buildup is usually good too. but both suffer tremendously in the end game by bad writing, which is a result of:

the decision to use really complicated plot devices (time travel, alternative universes). it's fine if you can pull it off, and maybe most players won't think too hard about it. it's a fucking game after all. but for players like me, it's hard to ignore hand waving especially because the first half was so well done. it takes me out of the immersion and makes me realize i'm fucking reading a visual novel. so then why would i feel invested in the characters and story anymore? those plot devices are usually pulled in for someone who usually can't think of a satisfying way to end a story, which brings me to my next point --

inability to commit to a central idea. it's fine to have an open ended ending and have some things left purposefully vague. but the endings for hashi and uuu just feel like the writer was like "ok here's this concept...oh and THIS plot twist...ok...wait...now how do i bring it down to a conclusion" and then they pull a plot device to try and explain things. ok...but when you clearly don't put as much investment in the end because you're leaning on the plot device as a crutch, then it just leads to an unsatisfying ending. the laziness here also seems to translate in a few sloppy cgs which felt so out of place compared to other beautiful cgs which makes me wonder if there was a scramble to get this out. and i understand the tendency to choose a vague or unclear conclusion - but it's not like the writer is unable to write well. fuck, look at the first halves of the stories? look at the post-game mini stories, the yomi/jyuro one basically making me tear up? i'm really hoping her next work is more focused. like the childhood friend route in hashihime was honestly the strongest route and then the rest of it kind of fell to pieces. so i KNOW she can write a good story

overall, adelta has some solid foundations. the art is pretty decent. the setup and concepts are good. it doesn't take itself too too seriously with some humor and references to other media and breaking the fourth wall. but these games so far have felt like you've seduced me and brought me home only for me to realize you want me to clean your house (an apt metaphor since i ended these two games trying to piece together threads that never got addressed). i really want to keep playing their content but if the next game (i believe it's got a TON more characters which makes me really anxious) also flops i might have no choice but to just drop this circle

[cherryonigiri]

nanami kento [evenings with you]

nanami kento x reader || cw: descriptions of blood/injuries, light angst

a/n: this is just self-indulgent writing for me but i'm v stressed about school rn and this is the result. just imagine that y/n is a bio/medical phd candidate lol.

Nanami can tell that you're stressed. Usually you savor the nights he's not on overtime, asking him about work and refusing to leave his side for most of the evening. He's used to you being attentive, so the fact that you've asked him the same question twice within the last ten minutes is already setting alarm bells ringing in his head. You're constantly fiddling with something, or flashing furtive glances towards the bedroom when you think he's not paying attention.

It only gets worse after dinner. You insist on washing up, something about how you want him to 'enjoy his night off.' Nanami compromises, silently grabbing a towel and drying the dishes. It's clear that your mind is elsewhere. Your hands scrub the porcelain on autopilot, and he can hear you muttering under your breath.

Every now and then you'll mutter a list of tasks under your breath. Nanami remembers you mentioning that things were hectic in lab. You're almost always still working when gets home from work, even when it's well past when you eat your dinner. It's clear that you've had a busy day-- the apartment is far more cluttered than it usually is. There are post-it and pieces of scrap paper stuck to every single surface, and a forgotten pile of folded laundry rests on the couch.

An intense burning sensation across your palm causes you cry out. "Shit!" You drop the knife you were washing in favor of cradling your already bleeding hand. Nanami is instantly by your side, firmly pressing the dishcloth against your cut. There is a worrying amount of red seeping into the fabric, so he silently ushers you to the bathroom.

It's a strange reversal of roles. He's used to being the one leaning leaning against the counter while you bandage his wounds. Instead, it's you who is perched on the marble surface, wincing as he dabs an antiseptic soaked cotton ball against your injury. "Sorry, I'm almost done," he says when you let out a loud hiss.

"It's fine," you reply, sheepishly looking away. "I should have been paying more attention."

Nanami chooses to only respond with a nonchalant hum, focusing on cleaning your palm. The two of you sit there in comfortable silence while he applies ointment to the cut, adding gauze once he's finished. It's only when he reaches for the bandages that he decides to ask. "What's stressing you out?"

Your eyes widen as you realize you've been caught. Nanami is rarely home early these days, especially since he's been mentoring Itadori on behalf of Gojo. (Not that you mind - in the few times you've met Itadori through video call with Nanami, the pink-haired student's sunny disposition has never failed to cheer you up.) When he'd texted you saying he'd be home by dinner, you'd jumped at the opportunity to spend some much needed time with him. You'd pulled out the stops, cooking something a little fancier, and intent on spending the earlier part of the evening cuddling with him. Secretly, you had planned to sneak out of bed after he'd fallen asleep (he always goes to bed early on days like these) and finish preparing for the gauntlet of meetings and presentations you had tomorrow. It was your fault for putting off the tasks, and you didn't want to let your own bad habits get in the way of some quality time with your boyfriend.

"It's nothing, I just have a lot on my plate tomorrow." You do your best to laugh it off, but quickly trail off once when you catch Nanami's deadpan expression. He's always been too good at seeing through your white lies. "I put off some work..." A raised eyebrow from him prompts you to continue, "And I was planning on doing it after you went to bed..." You can't help it when your face scrunches into a pout. After all, now your carefully-laid deception has been revealed.

When Nanami bursts into amused chuckles, you're momentarily surprised, but quickly go back to sulking. "Stop laughing at me Ken!" you whine, "I'm a--"

"Self-aware procrastinator," he finishes your sentence with an amused grin. "I know love, I know. I've seen you write far too many papers within 24-hours of a deadline to be surprised." He presses an affectionate kiss against your wrist.

You scowl at your boyfriend, snatching your bandaged hand away from his grasp. "I'm glad that my suffering is entertaining for at least one person." You stomp back to the bedroom in faux-anger, smiling when you hear Nanami's footsteps not far behind you.

When he steps into the bedroom Nanami drapes his frame over your shoulders, his warm torso nestled against your back. "It is one of your more...endearing traits," he murmurs into your ear before pressing a kiss into the crook of your neck. You can feel your cheeks and ears tingle at his words of affection.

"Sometimes you can be such a sweet talker," you mumble to yourself while you change into your pajamas. This week it's been an old Jujutsu tech hoodie and a pair of well-worn athletic shorts.

"Only for you," Nanami replies while he undoes the buttons of his outfit, chucking his tan pants and blue button up into the laundry basket in the corner. He dons a pair of sweatpants before returning your side to recapture you in another affectionate hug. It's a well kept secret of the Kento-Y/N household that Nanami Kento likes to lounge around shirtless in the privacy of his apartment. (You've been sworn to secrecy, but only because your boyfriend claims that Gojo and the students would have a field day teasing him if this information were to be made public amongst the jujutsu sorcerer community.)

Turning around, you wrap your arms around his waist, burying your nose against his torso and taking in his comforting scent. It's been so long since the two of you have had a moment to yourselves, and for once your hectic thoughts are silenced in favor of sharing a moment of calm bliss with Nanami. He hums in appreciation, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your hips.

"Do you want to watch anything tonight?" you ask after a few seconds of silence.

"No," he replies. "I was actually planning on reading the briefing Ichiji just sent me. Gojo apparently has another scheme up his sleeve." You giggle when your boyfriend lets out a pained sigh. On more than one occasion, your boyfriend has ranted to you about Gojo's unorthodox approach to exorcism. "I swear that idiot shaves a year off my lifespan every time I go on a mission with him," Nanami complains. "He's taking away the years I could spend in Malaysia."

You hum thoughtfully before responding, "Then do you mind--"

Once again, Nanami already knows what you're going to say. "Just remember to bring your laptop charger, I know you have a thousand tabs open on your computer right now," he says while exiting to the living room. After a few moments you join him, overburdened laptop and charger in hand. You both take your usual spots in the living room, him resting comfortably in the center of the loveseat and you sitting on a floor cushion, nestled between his legs. Soon you've fallen into a groove, fingers steadily typing on the keyboard. The warmth of Nanami's presence next to you brings a sense of calm, giving you the grounding focus you need to finish off the last of your tasks.

As he thumbs through the printouts Ichiji gave him, Nanami can't help but let his eyes drift towards you every now and then. You look so adorable when you work. From the way your brow furrows whenever you reread a line, to the way you unconsciously chew on your lip when you scrutinize your draft for any errors. Every now and then he'll gently run his fingers through your hair, relishing the content sighs you let out in response.

It only takes about another hour before you're (finally) closing all your tabs (he still doesn't know why your laptop hasn't crashed yet). As you scroll through social media, your head begins to droop. Soon enough you've fallen asleep, breaths coming in soft and even puffs as you rest against his thigh. Smiling to himself, he puts down his papers and gently lifts your body from the floor. He's careful not to wake you as he slowly makes his way back to the bedroom.

Setting you on the bed, he tucks you under the blankets before lying beside you. The moonlight coming through your window softly illuminates your relaxed features, and he softly traces the outline of your face with his thumb. As he continues to caress your cheek, his eyes are drawn to the dark circles under your eyes. He rarely falls asleep after you these days - between his physically demanding occupation and the ever growing number of things you are responsible for at work- he's often the first to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion while you work well into the night. Not to mention that he's had to spend an increasing number of nights away from you, either on challenging missions or accompanying Gojo's students. And while he knows most of your stress comes from being a student, he can't help but feel guilty about all the additional distress his status as a jujutsu sorcerer has caused you.

When you started dating him, you insisted that Shoko teach you how to suture. He hates how much your stitches have improved since then. The neatness of your stitches is a constant reminder of how much you've endured because of him. When he hears you trying to muffle your sobs into a pillow, he swears he can feel his heart crack in his chest, hurting more than any kind of physical wound from battle. Those nights end with him holding you tightly to his bandaged chest, murmuring reassurances and affection into the crown of your head until you've calmed down enough to fall into a fitful sleep. Even when you're unconscious he'll still continue, words morphing into apologies for the sadness he's inflicted upon your shoulders.

Feeling his eyelids being to droop, Nanami presses one last kiss against your forehead before laying down. He wraps his arms around your waist, surrounding you with warmth, hoping that his presence will be enough to keep your nightmares away, at least for tonight. I love you, y/n is the last thought he has before he drifts away, ready to dream of a tropical sunset and a peaceful future with you by his side.

[veliseraptor]

So this is in NO WAY PRESSURING, get to this whenever you're bored and have nothing better to do, but I (have still not watched The Untamed) would love to hear any disorganized rambles around your fic 'Punitive Measures', like your thoughts while writing it, how you view Xue Yang's fight/flight/freeze instinct, and/or where you would take the plot if you ever came back to it (again, not pressuring, I'm not asking for a sequel, I'm asking for director's commentary. Also I know the mysterious flute was implying Wei Wuxian, I know that much and not much more.) It's a really fun, quick fic that I enjoy reading through while I keep circling around your longer, more intimidating stories. I aspire to write like you.

oh boy, well, I don't know that I ever have nothing to do but here I am answering this ask anyway, because I like talking about my fic even if I get self-conscious about it.

this entire fic falls solidly into the genre of fic I write that is legitimately just “I’m gonna fuck up this character I love because it’ll be fun and I love to do that” and then just kinda...went for it. actually harder than I was initially planning! my vague sense of what I was going to do with this fic didn’t have Xue Yang down an eye at the end of it.

but when inspiration strikes, what’s a girl to do, etc.

I actually thought recently about writing a sequel to this fic (or, well, continuing into the AU it started, more like) because the concept of Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang being bloodthirsty vengeance brethren is a very good one for me, personally, and at the point their paths would be intersecting in this AU a more plausible one than it would be at pretty much any other time (I would argue, at least in CQLverse). And that’s where I think this would be going. Because Xue Yang would see Wei Wuxian, in his bloodiest frame of mind, powered up with a gorgeous flute of bad vibes and go “fuck yes” even if he wasn’t in a place where he really needed the help.

The question I had was whether Wei Wuxian would be interested in accepting company, and I feel like Xue Yang on that front could be convincing. And the way that the latter would both enable and egg on all the former’s darkest fantasies and impulses...I’m just saying, Wen Chao and everyone he has ever known is in for a very bad time, possibly even worse than they already were.

I invite you to picture in this AU the part where Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji find not just darker and edgier Wei Wuxian at the end of their scavenger hunt but darker and edgier Wei Wuxian with a friend. A familiar friend! Now down an eye and practically picking his teeth with Wen Chao’s finger bones. :D

since you asked for disorganized rambling I went back to reread and I’ll give you some director’s commentary on a few things

And he’d kind of hoped Wen Ruohan would be too busy figuring out how to deal with his brewing war to dedicate much attention to looking for one absent retainer. And even if he did, Xue Yang had sort of figured that finding him would fall to Wen Chao, who’d probably struggle to find his own ass with two hands.

kicking off this director’s commentary with Xue Yang’s brutal assessment of the competency of Wen Chao.

tbh one of my favorite things about CQL’s involving Xue Yang in the whole Sunshot storyline, despite the merry hell it plays with timeline stuff later, is how obviously little regard Xue Yang has for the Wens, even when they’re at the height of their power. He shows Wen Ruohan himself very little respect, and I can’t imagine anyone else getting more (except maybe Wen Qing, because Wen Qing is competent and if nothing else Xue Yang can respect competency).

and he just like. ditches them. walks out! promises to deliver very powerful magical artifact, and then gets what he wants and is like “smell ya later, peace” and they never catch him.

that’s just a kind of gutsiness and casual disregard for very powerful people that I really both love and respect about Xue Yang. and also that he has in common with Xiao Xingchen, tbh. and Song Lan (though him I think to a slightly lesser degree, partly because he has a little more tact and sense of societal norms as something relevant to be thinking about)! they can all vibe on that.

They took Jiangzai. Well. One of the Wen disciples took Jiangzai in the stomach and Xue Yang didn’t get it back.

this isn’t an important line or anything. I just like it a lot.

Wen Chao gestured again and he went down in a hail of fists and feet. Xue Yang tucked his chin down to protect his throat, curled his hands into his chest, and drew up his knees to guard his stomach.

He knew how this worked. Sure, it’d been a while since someone had beat him like this, but the lessons stuck. It was almost boring, really. If Wen Chao was going to play torture games then he could at least do Xue Yang the favor of trying to be creative.

He checked out the part of his brain that registered pain as anything other than a thing that was happening and focused instead on opportunities. Weaknesses in his assailants. Escape routes. Getting away would be the first thing. Nice if he could take a piece of Wen Chao with him on the way out - arm, or maybe even a head - but the priority was freedom and survival.

okay, this I feel like cuts into some of what you were talking about regarding Xue Yang’s fight/flight instinct, and also a lot of what if, I was feeling pretentious, I feel like this fic is digging into on a level under “what if I just tortured Xue Yang a whole bunch,” which is something about the relationship Xue Yang has to (a) pain and (b) his own body. Specifically, the relative indifference he has toward both. Or...not indifference, exactly, because it’s not like he’s enjoying himself, it still hurts. It’s just...expected.

unremarkable.

which is a lot of what I was trying to convey with Xue Yang’s narration during the whole torture sequence, with the commentary on methodology and how things are mundane or boring, because the suffering itself is mundane! as far as Xue Yang is concerned that’s exactly what suffering is! other peoples’, for sure, which is part of why it doesn’t matter, but also his own.

the world hurts and that’s just how it is and you learn how to cope with that. pain as...a thing that [is] happening.

I also, since you mentioned the fight/flight instinct, think a lot about how Xue Yang is, while he’s very proud and very stubborn, absolutely not someone to pick fights (in general) that he knows he can’t win. Xue Yang will almost always be on the side of “run and come back another day” over “stand and fight when all is lost.” survival, first and foremost.

which feeds into the weird paradox that I kind of hint toward at the end of this fic about Xue Yang as someone who has a definite death drive, who is profoundly obsessed with his own death in a lot of ways, and simultaneously is attached to staying alive above pretty much all else.

“Snap and snarl all you want,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere. And the only part of you I need intact is your tongue, so you can tell me where you hid the Yin Metal you promised. Everything else is optional.”

A prickle of fear rolled down Xue Yang’s spine and he flicked it away, baring his teeth.

I actually do think that, even before they get around to hand-specific trauma, permanent mutilation is one of those things that still scares Xue Yang. which is a short list! there isn’t much that actually either gets to or scares him, but I think the prospect of (further) mutilation does, because I think Xue Yang is very...acutely aware of the fact that his physical capability is a major factor in what has kept him alive and what, in all likelihood, is going to keep him alive moving forward. anything that threatens that capability, that limits him in terms of strength or mobility or otherwise has a disabling effect, is consequently going to be a short road to death, and Xue Yang would much rather die painfully fighting than die as a consequence of not being able to take care of himself.

for Xue Yang, the idea of a return to the kind of helplessness that is tied to his trauma is one of the worst possible prospects to contemplate. in my head this is exacerbated further by the fact that I figure Xue Yang didn’t get much if any medical care post hand incident, meaning that the recovery period was absolutely nightmarish and a whole stretch of time beyond the event itself where Xue Yang was struggling to survive because he’d been damaged.

in some ways I think that period of time probably did more to shape Xue Yang than the moment itself.

Wen Chao grabbed one of the branding irons from a disciple’s belt and pressed it to his stomach. That hurt. More. He clamped his back teeth together so he didn’t make any sound, absorbed the burn, owned it. His. You only hurt if you were alive. And anything you survived made you stronger.

Not that this was actually going to make him stronger. It was probably just going to make him dead. But then again, the worse this went the more resentment he’d have built up. He could use that. Would.

Dead didn’t have to mean finished.

obviously this is pulled almost direct from what Wei Wuxian himself says to Wen Chao. deliberate echoes based on character parallels! we love those.

and yeah, again here about Xue Yang and his relationship to pain, but in a less mundane way this time where it’s about pain as a tool, pain as something he can use. which is another thing about coping, I think - when pain and suffering are a regular part of your life, one way to deal with that can be to convert it into having some kind of purpose or benefit.

which in this case it definitely can. Xue Yang is definitely someone who, I think, has thought a lot about trying to arrange it so he becomes a ghost after he dies. or at least has thought a lot about what he’d do after dying to the person who killed him. 

and when you’re a necromancer by trade death really isn’t the end of the line anymore, just the start of a something new. Xue Yang’s relationship to life itself: about as jacked up as his relationships in general.

He felt the snap of bone in his teeth. Pain shooting up the side of his hand, all the way to his wrist, and Xue Yang couldn’t keep himself still enough not to try to wrench himself away. He swallowed his scream and turned it into a laugh. It was funny, wasn’t it? Funny, that he was back here, again. It wasn’t as bad, though. He knew how to take pain, how to breathe it in, make it part of himself, later turn it outwards magnified tenfold. They were old friends. Practically lovers. 

two things here:

1. the thread throughout this fic of Xue Yang making things funny so he can deal with them, here brought to you by reliving trauma! because it’s funny! right? laugh about it! just fucking hilarious.

I have a thing about characters basically deciding for themselves to make very unfunny situations funny because it makes them less awful.

2. and look, now he can deal with it better this time! he’s Learned. :) :) :)

Everything splintered. Splintered like bones under a wheel, and first thing he tried to struggle to get away but that just hurt worse and then old old old instincts kicked in and he went still, limp, dead.

“Did he faint?”

Someone nudged him with their foot. One part of him roared to grab that foot and rip it off along with the leg it was attached to. Immediately the same thing that’d made him play dead told him to wait.

at an end point where fighting is impossible and running is also impossible, the only thing left to do is play dead and wait it out. this is very much, in my head, a reversion to a tactic Xue Yang hasn’t used in a very long time and does not want to be using now, because it is absolutely the recourse of the extraordinarily helpless with no way out.

which he has been! and is now, but he really really really doesn’t want to be. Xue Yang has built his life around not being that, ever again.

but here it’s not a move he makes planning to turn it around the way he does, not at first. he gets there, but when he first does it I think it is literally just instinct that goes enough is enough and shuts down.

Wen Chao, Wen Chao, Xue Yang thought. My body’s going to give out before I do.

someone should remind me at some point maybe (or not) to write something coherent about my Xue Yang vs. his own body thoughts. specifically the way that, while Xue Yang is very physical and very grounded, I think he has a somewhat antagonistic relationship with his own body, actually. not completely! he definitely respects what it can do for him! but I think he also treats it a little as a slightly separate entity that’s capable of betraying him rather than as a fully integrated part of himself.

not always! but it’s a little bit there. this idea that sometimes his body, and its capacity to be hurt or damaged, is a weakness that he’d like to be able to forgo entirely, if only it wouldn’t mean losing all the good things about having a body. and that’s present here in this line, for me, where he thinks about himself and his body as slightly separate, and his body as something weaker than its Xue Yang core.

[liskantope]

Last fall I ran across this philosophical article arguing for a new approach in how we intuit death and (briefly) posted about it at the time. Since then I think I've made a vague connection between the thesis of that article (which I find pretty convincing) and a personal issue I've struggled with for a long time (in fact one of the few personal issues I've felt afraid to fully address even under this pseudonym). This leads to (what to my mind is) a very dark conclusion, in my opinion grim enough to be somewhat of an ideohazard at least to anyone else who is prone to the same conviction, hence the readmore. But I do want to at least take a crack at formulating this connection in writing at least for myself, so that I can see whether there's any substance to it beyond vague intuition.

(The "dark conclusion" I'm warning of, by the way, is not actually about death in any direct way, and the relationship with the thesis on death is so vague that I delayed finishing this post for a couple of weeks trying to put a finger on it! I will warn, though, that even my expanding on the "death thesis" part in the first part gets a little spookier than I had initially intended.)

I haven't reread the full philosophical article just now and my memory of it may have gotten a bit hazy since October, but I'm pretty sure its main thesis can be (rather clumsily) summed up as follows: there is no reason to fear the "nothingness" that comes with death, because "nothingness" (kind of tautologically) doesn't exist; the experience of consciousness exists in a multitude of beings who each experience it for a finite amount of time but collectively these consciousnesses form a phenomenon which is continuous and doesn't "end" even as individuals cease to be conscious.

Thinking this way leads me to a vague intuition that what I call "I" just happens to be one strand of consciousness, who experiences time according to what is recorded in my memory, and which has a temporal beginning and an ending simply as part of its boundary. "I" is in no way privileged over the other strands of consciousness that sit alongside "me": some of the other strands consist of horrible, wretched awarenesses compared to the one controlling the typing of this post but the one controlling the typing of this post is not separate in any "permanent" way from the rest (hard to convey in words what I really mean by that, but I don't have hours to continue to sit trying).

I'm actually reminded of a short story I stumbled across many years ago somehow in the context of conlanging which I just found again: "The Egg". In it, it is revealed that after each of us dies, we begin again as another human -- in fact, every human who ever lived or will live is one entity that experiences each life one after the other, except that "time, as you know it, only exists in your universe" so maybe "after" has no meaning. The upshot of the thesis on death is not that consciousness necessarily works this way, but to my reading it implies that consciousness might as well work this way: if there is a timeline for each of us after we die, we might as well imagine that we just start again as another one of the trillions of people throughout the whole of time and the globe. (Non-human animal consciousness is left out of "The Egg" but should be included as well, of course.)

So in a way this is extremely disturbing: it means that I may as well imagine that one day "I" will live out a life of intense suffering beyond what I can imagine (many such lives, and let's face it, most other humans throughout history have suffered more than "I" suffer in "my" present life!)... or we might say that this is at least as valid as the more common and traditional assumption that everything just stops for me when this strand of consciousness reaches its endpoint. The strand which is typing this post now just happens to not see or directly remember the experiences of the more-suffering strands but is in no essential way disconnected/distinct from them.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now, the personal struggle I've been dealing with my whole adult life -- without attempting to fully expand on it, because that would take many thousands of words -- has to do with allowing myself to be close to someone whose life involves significant amounts of suffering, or, we have to say (since such language has to be relative) significantly more suffering/struggle/unhappiness than my life does. (Do I struggle with this because I'm very empathetic or because I'm very selfish, or both? I won't go into the debate here.)

The "dark conclusion" that somehow compels me when I allow myself to think all the way along this road is the selfish one: I should not allow such people close enough to me to significantly change the nature of my life, because as long as the strand of consciousness typing this post isn't directly accessing/"remembering" the experiences of much-more-suffering other strands of consciousness, from this strand's subjective viewpoint they are quite disconnected from "me".

Having typed all that out, I think the connection between this and what I was talking about in the first part of this post is somehow an inverse one. The thesis on death I was describing takes us away from a default intuitive view of me being disconnected from other strands of consciousness, and toward a view that consciousness is consciousness and doesn't begin or end just because each strand has endpoints. The "dark conclusion", on the other hand, uses the intuition that there are other people like me but whose lives are wretched (let's say, relatively speaking), that their realities are as "real" as mine, but then takes me away from that to the view that as long as "I" inhabit this strand of consciousness, those other ones may be treated as practically nonexistent unless "I" let their suffering bleed into this strand.

So, somehow related ideas but pointing in opposite directions? Hmm. I wish I had the philosophy chops (both in thinking through ideas and in writing skills) to lay this out properly, but it's the best I can do for right now.

I'm sorry if this was incomprehensible blathering to whomever tried to read this, but I think it might be helpful that I finally managed to write it down. I'd almost rather it look like garbled nonsense to others than that it harm someone else by being an ideohazard. Thanks for "listening".

[emometalhead]

An open letter

1 year ago today, my life changed. I began reading My Appetite for Destruction: Sex & Drugs & Guns N' Roses by Steven Adler. I had been in the GN'R fandom about 2 months when I decided to order the book. By time I got it about 3 weeks later, I had already kind of lost interest in the fandom. I had made a couple new mutuals, but wasn't committed to anything. Then I read the book.

If you know me well enough, you know my least favorite decade has always been the 80s, and I hate non-fiction. The only reason I even bought Steven's book was that I figured I should get the rest of the band's books if I was getting Slash's. I even read Slash's book first because I had more interest in him. I decided to read Steven's book second because I assumed it would be sad, and that I'd want to have another book ready to read after.

I was aware of who Steven was. I had been in the fandom about 3 months by time I read the book, and I had seen him on The Top Ten Revealed show. I had no interest in Steven from the show. I knew from my dad that he had suffered health consequences from past drug use, and never bothered to look into him more until becoming immersed in the GN'R fandom via my friends, Rylie and Renae.

After joining the fandom, I did have interest in Steven. I read through each post about him that showed up on my dash and Googled a couple things. My loyalties easily remained with Slash and Axl. The book changed all of that.

If you know anything about my reading habits, it's that I'm efficient. I can finish a 400 page novel in less than 4 hours, including breaks to eat, pee, talk, etc.. Steven's book took me an entire day to finish. It was so hard for me to read certain parts, and then I kept having the urge to reread. I felt so attached to this man. I cried so much reading the book. If anyone remembers what my blog was like around this time and for like 5 months after, I was posting about crying over Steven basically daily. I still do by the way. I just don't announce it.

For 8 months now, I've posted at least one photo of Steven daily. I reorganized my gallery to accommodate all of my photos, and now have organized photos for bands members. I even have specific galleries for 44 years of Steven's life, because at some point I became damn determined to make a visual timeline. I know I sound obsessive, but that's because I am. This is your friendly reminder I am in fact mentally ill, and that I can become very attached to things.

On that note, I can see a lot of my own ways of processing and coping in Steven. I've been self destructive. It's still a daily struggle not to self sabotage. I've struggled with addiction, though not even comparable to what he went through. I use him to relate, and as a constant reminder that things can always get better.

There aren't a ton of people that make me instantly feel better when I see, but Steven is one of them. I am so proud of him. I don't know him personally, but he's had a big impact on my life. I'm very grateful. I truly do not believe I would've stayed in the fandom had I not latched into Steven so intensely. I've made so many amazing friends that I do not want to live without, and I attribute that to Steven.

I'm not going to pretend it's been a great year for me. I've struggled a lot, but it has been so helpful to have an additional fandom of support to rely on, and a person to have as emotional support. Thank you Steven Adler. He may not know I exist, but I appreciate all he's done for me. Here's to another year of being a fan. 🖤

[bored-storyteller]

Okay, I humbly apologize. I had a bad time - and unfortunately it's not over 😩- but here's the second part with three other leaders. I know I know I know! Malleus is missing! I'll try to post Mal today too- tomorrow, it depends on where you are - I promise.

Please I know you love him so much but love me anyway 🥺

14- Dorm leaders x down!s/o pt.2

Kalim Al-Asim

· Kalim is magical and exhausting at the same time. Yes, s/o love him from the bottom of their hearts, but dealing with him in times of stress is exhausting.

· The young nobleman does not really know the stress, at least, for what s/o can see, and this leads him to overcome any worries. It's not that he doesn't want to see other people's problems, it's just that he can't think of them.

· S/o as the days go by they feel worse and worse. The head often hurts and tiredness brings them into a state of almost half asleep. If Kalim saw this he would be very worried about them, but their presence for him is a fact. He is convinced that if something went wrong s/o would tell him, right?

· But no. How could they say no to his requests? That is, actually there is not even time to refuse.

·  Jamil is worried. He sees what is going on and tries to marginalize the problems. S/o should rest, they could ask him for help - as if he wasn't already doing everything in the dormitory-. But s/o know that the vice leader is already very busy, burdening him with their study problems and their worries is not the case.

Having to deal with Kalim really means having almost never breath. Even his affection can sometimes be a problem.

Yes, s/o certainly love him, but three days before the start of the test session, the thing more than making them happy is shaking them.

They have studied practically nothing and really feel their strength failing. While everyone is studying carefully, they are struggling to finish their homework for the next day.

The nights for s/o are now nothing more than a staring at the ceiling in desperate search for information that does not exist in their head. And the lessons are so heavy in the morning that their hope of getting through the year is almost zero.

Sometimes the idea of dropping out of school even went through their mind. They would certainly be freer.

Right now, s/o they are hiding in the bedroom, surrounded by study books.

It doesn't matter how much they read and reread those words, their overfull mind wanders over their fears, not making them memorize anything.

There is no way they can overcome this. They curl up on the bed, clutching their knees to their chests and doing everything they can to keep from crying.

Suddenly the door swings open. Kalim comes in with his cheer, filling the room with his happy voice.

It seems that he is excited about something, but s/o can’t help but look at him with wide eyes without understanding.

His exclamations echo in their heads as if it were empty, breaking the delicate crystal walls.

"Stop!" They cry when even the last fragile column of their sanity is brought down.

"Stop!" They repeat, bringing their hands to their faces and collapsing supine on the bed.

"Stop it! I can't take it any more! If I continue like this I will go crazy!"

The arms cover the face wet with tears. They are not really shouting at Kalim.

He stops suddenly, a little frightened by that reaction.

What happened? Where did he go wrong this time?

When the silence weighs too much, they still speak: "I ... I need to get out of here, I... don't want to be in this school anymore. "

Kalim listens in silence for a few moments to their sobs, then slowly, shyly, sits beside them on the bed.

"No ..." he murmurs, "I will help you, whatever your problem is." His voice is that of an injured child, but his arms raise s/o to his chest, to hold them against him and protect them.

"Everything will pass, I promise you. But I can't be without you."

The fingers pass slowly through the hair of s/o while his crimson eyes scan the books around them.

Kalim's arms hold them desperately. Right, how could they leave him alone? In short, who would help Jamil then?

That thought makes them smile, and while s/o get up seated they give to the boy a simple and light "ok", and then they resume the study with a quieter mind.

Kalim no longer talks, but neither does he leave, he simply remains close to them a little to comfort them, a little for the fear that they will move away from him, until he ends up falling asleep on their lap.

Vil Schoenheit

· Here, another guy who made stress his life. Some type of stress. Obviously, he must meet expectations.

· This also applies to those around him, or rather, to those who are close to his heart. If he demands so much from someone, it means that he cares about them. In a sense, even his insult when it is constructive is flattering.

· But for an already stressed s/o, dealing with him is extremely anxiety-provoking. You have to be perfect, everything has to be in order, and for an already fragile mind, well, the step to break is not far away.

· Still, he bears a great deal of stress on his shoulders without showing it, but he doesn't notice that others can sometimes be overwhelmed, and his manners aren't exactly delicate when it comes to appearances.

·  S/o are almost afraid of him every time his eyes meet them. What will he say? What's wrong with them?

Yes, they know how important the smile is, but they can't do it. In the library they leaf through the book they hold in their hands with empty and dull eyes.

They don't have to look good, on the other hand disappointment for themselves keeps them up all night.

There is no way they can get through this period, not for how they are.

They sigh, placing the book on the shelves and giving up. They fold their arms on the table as they sit, and there they hide their tired faces.

S/o  would like to go into hibernation, everything would be easier. No commitment, no judging eye ...

"S/o, my dear." The firm voice of the Poemfiore leader makes itself heard. It is firm, severe even if placid.

What's up now? Oh sure. They are not sitting upright with their backs. Hair is probably a mess and their eyes have been ruined for days. They already know to suck, there is no need for him to say it. They already hate each other, and there is no need for him to see how ugly their sticky face is with tears.

S/o do not move, as if he were not there, they remain closed inside themselves, in such a state of surrender that not even Vil can grasp immediately. But he understands that something is wrong. It never happened that they ignored him.

 “S/o.” the name is repeated again, but this time it is accompanied by the delicate hand of the leader who touches the hair of s/o.

As soon as the fingertips touch the head, as if they were of fire, s/o spring back, scared as if they had a ferocious beast in front of them.

Vil stares at those eyes so full of fear. Afraid of him.

In their dark circles he sees all the suffering of those days, all the dozing sadness. And in that situation of desolation, they feared him as if he were their enemy, the one who wants to harm them.

"No… Please..."

A prayer comes out of their fragile lips as if he is ready to kill them. He's not sure if they're clear-headed... no, they seem to be in another world. A dark and lonely world.

Vil's white fingers caress s/o's chin. They do not retreat, but tremble as if they were blades.

"I won't hurt you. I'm just worried about you."

His words are clear, as always, but a little sweeter than usual. He patiently sits in front of them, without losing contact.

"You can tell me what troubles you."

Finally the gaze of s/o meets the beautiful eyes of the boy. Eyes so beautiful, admired, and at this moment sincere.

S/o they bend down again, resting their forehead on Vil's hand while holding it with theirs. There they cry, for once without the weight of the angry gaze, but only surrounded by affection, while Vil gently caresses their head.

Idia Shroud

·  Ok, how to say, this guy is made of stress.

· Idia fears the social relationship, people stress him, what is not his room and his computer stresses him. He is not an easy person to manage.

· S/o are practically elected. They are fortunate to be admitted to his. In short, they can remain curled up on his bed without him saying anything.

· Usually are s/o who take care of him, who try to support him and calm him down, but sometimes of course they are the ones who need support ... but well, Idia practically doesn't exist.

· It is not his fault, but even if he cares about s/o in a way that even he did not believe possible, he is not good at social relationships. Very often he will limit himself and stay next to them, still connected to the internet. They don't mind, usually.

But this time the boy's body isn't even close to them. He is far away, in the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the screens. Yes, they are not even totally sure that he is aware of their presence.

Ortho, to their disappointment, is not present.

S/o don't need to be there, but for some time now they have felt a lump in their throat that they can't swallow. They have failed a test, and there is no way to recover it, or so they believe.

The truth is that they are nothingness.

They have to study, but loneliness echoes in their head. Nobody wants them.

So they slipped from the leader of Ignihyde to find comfort. It would have been fine even if he had been silently beside them, but no, he was elsewhere. They had seen an excited light in his eyes when they arrived. Maybe chat with someone online? Of course, those friends are better than them.

A failure, a weight, that's s/o.

Small tears wet the already dimly lit page.

In the darkness in which they find themselves, they sink into the anxiety and fear that they have been holding inside for weeks.

That horrible feeling of emptiness that causes the brain to tilt.

Idia does not notice the sobs. S/o are hidden, curled up into a ball on the boy's bed. Nothing makes sense to them anymore. More they cry, more they lose consciousness of their surroundings, and everything disappears.

Idia is too caught up in his game. He does not really notice that s/o are not well.

Only when he turns enthusiastically to communicate something to them does he hear them.

Sobs are louder now, but they don't know it.

Heart breaks in Idia. How long have they been crying? Two hours will have passed since they arrived. Why didn't they speak?

Oh God, it's his fault ... he sucks with people so badly, and he always ends up hurting them.

Maybe they came to him because somehow they believed he made them feel good, didn't they?

He gets up from his chair, unsure of what to do. Embarrassed he approaches them.

God, they seem so fragile. Will he break them if he touches them?

Slowly, as if he were dealing with a kitten, he places his sweatshirt on them, and then, a little scared, he sits next to them.

They seem lost, s/o don't react.

Idia feels the butterflies in his stomach from agitation. Suddenly, it seems to him that the figure of s/o is fading away in the dark of the room. It's scary.

Shyly he stretches his arms around the small figure and carefully pulls them into his chest.

He feels their sobs freeze for a moment, almost frightened, and then finally the muscles relax, while they abandon themselves to him.

"Sorry, I'm a delusion..." They murmur, clinging to him.

So is this what they think?

"No ... you ... I ... find you beautiful ..."

He speaks shyly. He's not exactly that these words are what they need, but that's what he really thinks.

His cheek is warm against their head. Maybe he's blushing.

How can they not smile at this?

[gingerbreadandpaper]

Dewey’s 24-hour-readathon - The End

We're nearing the end of this amazing event and I'd say for me it was a total success. I got so much reading done, I was able to take part in some challenges and my bingo board doesn't look so bad.

As I said previously I slept for 3 hours and I plan to catch up on those 3 hours today. I finished 5 books in total and will start Life and Death by Stephenie Meyer now. I'm doing a whole Twilight reread, just finished the first one and start with the reimagination of the first story now, then Midnight Sun as Twilight will be fresh in my memory and then continue with New Moon. Yes, sometimes I hate myself and want to suffer.

Closing Survey

1. How would you assess your reading overall?

I'm very happy with how much I read over the course of these 24 hours. I'll have some statistics about it at the end of this post.

2. Did you have a stategy, and if so, did you stick to it?

I wanted to alternate between reading and listening to audio books, which I haven't done at all. I stuck with my Kindle the whole day and night.

3. What was your favorite snack?

I had some amazing Strawberry Cake yesterday, that was amazing. But over all I have bought way more snacks than I ate.

4. Wanna volunteer for our next event? Stay tuned for the recap post!

Absolutely. I'd love to help out and volunteer for the next readathon.

Stats

Finished Books in total: 5 Read Pages: 1.825

1. Heartbreak Incorporate - Alex de Campi 2. The last Girl - Goldy Moldavsky 3. Small Gods - Terry Pratchett 4. The girls I've been - Tess Sharpe 5. Even if we break - Mareike Nijkamp

[prettywordsyouleft]

I know you're on hiatus right now Chelle but can you please tell us of some of your wips? I'm missing your writing a lot and thankful for the stories I can reread but I would love if you could hype us up! Only if you can of course. I will wait forever for your new content! Do you have any series planned like your Shownu one? I loved that! You and @noona-clock are my favourite writers btw!!!!!!

Hey anon! Thanks for the message! I’m grateful you will wait for my new content - at least someone is willing to wait, I myself would LOVE to be sharing right now! Haha. I miss writing a great deal.

Also, I’m sure @noona-clock won’t mind me answering on her behalf to say that we truly appreciate your support! It’s an honour to be one of your favourite writers. B is also one of my absolute favourites too, so being linked with her at any stage is very humbling!

As for the WIPs… I put them under a cut for those who a) don’t want to scroll through a long post or b) don’t want to see snippets of stories! Of course nothing is in it’s final edited stage so any errors, please ignore! EDIT: cut line is only working on desktop, sorry to all mobile app users. 

Currently in work: 

GOT7 anniversary oneshot. Most of you already know that Jinyoung won (like that was going to be a surprise, ya’ll always want more JY content lol) from my IG stories. I won’t give away the rest but here’s a snippet:

You watched Jinyoung until your cheeks were burning with embarrassment, wondering why you had even listened to Jaebum in the first place. Jinyoung hadn’t reacted how you expected him to and you felt increasingly uncomfortable.

And just when you thought he was going to ignore you entirely, his head snapped up, a smile that you had never seen cross his face before now greeting you. You didn’t have enough time to examine it as his next words distracted you. “I didn’t know we were that close to share personal details like that, Y/N.” 

“Oh, well uh-”

Jinyoung scraped back his chair, still smiling yet the force of shutting his laptop conflicted the cheerful gesture he exhibited on his lips. “I’m done studying today, you can have the rest of the time to yourself.”

You watched him leave and it hit you then, the fakeness of his response. His eyes had said otherwise. 

He very much so cared. 

Jinyoung was bitter from your announcement. And instead of giving you immediate relief, his reaction only troubled you further.

Why did you feel like you had broken him? 

Jaebum Birthday oneshot. This is for a dear friend of mine who wrote something for my birthday. Now it’s my turn to return the favour. It’s also a story I’ve been dying to write for some time.

“Jaebum,” you warned as he stared at you, his eyes falling captive to soaking you in.

Just as he had done as a child, his own habit of getting lost staring at you hadn’t changed once. He could do this all day long. In fact, his grades last year had suffered from his inability to stop staring at you.

You let out a huff of air. “Jaebum, you’re doing it again.”

“Does it bother you?” he murmured and you blinked a couple of times, chewing on your lip in thought. He leaned in closer and for a moment, he actually thought your bodies might brush up against each other with the close proximity he now held. It made him anxious, as if every cell within his body was on high alert. Jaebum never knew why he was so fascinated with the idea of being the first person you reached out for, but it was a goal all the same. He yearned to hold your hand and let you know it was safe to do so.

Kyungsoo royal au oneshot: I have so little written on this that there is no point sharing yet! But it was meant to be written in June and obviously has been put on hold.

Chosen Idol Anniversary oneshot: I have the idea ready to go for this, just going to finish the GOT7 one first.

Through His Eyes Part 13: again, idea is mapped out. Just gotta get to it.

Ready to go: 

Taeyong Drabble Request - “Sophie’s Moving This Castle”

You did not want to smile at this.

You refused to admit that your boyfriend was the cutest drunk ever right now.

Taeyong threw his head back as a heavy breath tumbled from his lips. “He’s not here.”

“I noticed,” you commented, picking up a can of beer and shaking your head softly at it not being empty yet. “I’m wondering why he’s not here and you’re drinking all alone.”

“I’m not alone!” he cried incredulously, nudging Totoro beside him. “How could you say that in front of my guests?!”

First story in my Christmas in July collab with Sem (this-song-thats-only-for-you) - Minhyuk CNBLUE, currently untitled

“You’ll be there, right?”

Glancing up to meet Minhyuk’s expectant gaze, you smiled weakly. “Christmas in the Park? Listen, Minhyuk, I-”

“You’re not going to ditch me again, are you?” he intervened, shooting you a pout. Oh god, not the pout. He then grinned and your heart began to thump noisily in your chest.

You were doomed.

Upcoming series planned:

Domestic Life: twelve idols/oneshots with the focus on various domestic ideas. Aka all the fluff my heart needs lol

Mark series: single mother au / neighbours to lovers. Will be focusing on the fact that being a single mother in Korea is taboo and how Y/N and Mark deal with that. 

Mino series: I don’t want to give too many ideas away but I’m really excited for this one. Just imagine a lot of travelling, family issues and a good surprise in the end after some angst LOL.

Honestly there are SO MANY MORE ideas just waiting for me to share with you all but I’ll keep them under wraps for now. This seems more than enough to hype you up hopefully! Xxx