#I hate drawing humans since the anatomy is a mess

[daily-whistlepaw]

daily whistlepaw until a becomes PoV day 761

chibi whis at your service (long rant in the tags, I am more than open to constructive criticism)

[kansaspieco]

"Centaurs have two rib cages"

"Centaurs have two digestive tracts"

WRONG.*

The human torso is simply the neck of the horse. Now this may seem a bit weird, but this is a fantasy creature so hear me out. Anatomy, especially with how it can adapt, is incredible so I propose that the spine would more towards the middle of the human torso as seen in Figure 1 which is where the cervical spine of the horse would be (Figure 2). Along with that, the human torso wouldn't be as long as most people draw them, and it would be closer to the length of a horse (average length of a male human torso is 43-45in/109-114cm, not including the head/neck which can add an extra 11.9-13.7in/30.2-34.8cm versus a horse's neck which is approximately 36in/91cm. Please keep in mind these are rough approximations from a few google searches). Here's where things get more funky, instead of an extra ribcage to keep that human shape, the horse neck muscles, and some human torso muscles, would adapt to the shape of a torso while still keeping some of the aspects of the human musculoskeletal system. I haven't put as much thought into the the chest structure itself, but since the clavicle would remain, I would assume so would the sternum.. ish. The main thing that I focused on is the muscles. Figure 1 shows the approximate layout of these muscles with the human face and arm muscles remaining the same along with keeping the major muscles of the horse's neck. However some muscles from both human and horse, although more of the horse's anatomy will need to change to become "flatter" (more human torso like). I did not add the neck tendons/ligaments to Figure 1, but those would also change configuration to comply with the form of the torso. The function of the human torso would act in place of the horse's neck with a modified horse (maybe mixed with human) digestive tract (which I will likely dive more into at some point because it would likely need to change in order to accommodate the more human style diet I have no clue, but the digestive tract would definitely need to change since the human teeth are not suited for how a horse grazes which messes up everything in the already awful thing that is the horse digestive tract)

Images:

Figure 1: Proposed centaur musculoskeletal system

Figure 2: Horse skeleton

Figure 3: Horse muscle chains

Figure 4: Horse superficial muscles

Figure 5: Human skeleton

Anyways this was just done for fun, if you don't agree, that's fine, if have different ideas I'd love to hear them! I fell down this rabbit hole yesterday after getting into a conversation about centaur anatomy and hating the two digestive tract/rib cage ideas so here you go, the idea of the horse neck = human torso Centaur is released into the world so y'all are free to do with it as you will

Sources:

Me, just trust me bro (all jokes aside, I'm a pre-vet biology major and am working on becoming certified in equine massage along with being a huge fan of fantasy creatures)

Horses Inside Out: Gillian Higgins

Image credits:

Horse: GDJ- pixabay

Human: not sure of original source, found the used image on Pinterest by a few different people

*none of this can be proven as a fact so it is not a definite "wrong" I just needed an attention grabber

[twistmusings]

is it possible to get octa + being given oral? first time being asked for it, how they approach their partner, ect. ty!

Octavinelle - First Time Getting Oral

CW: NSFW, literal first experiences with oral.

Note: They're all 18+, though since it's a first time sort of deal they're a bit younger than I normally write them, some minor praise kink, gagging mention (Minorly in Jade's part).

Azul Ashengrotto

Depending on how they ask, Azul may or may not fully understand what they're asking him. Certain euphemisms or ways of phrasing it will go right over his head. For example: he would understand what they mean if they say they want to "go down" on him, but if they say "blowjob" or "give head" he's going to have literally no idea what sex act they're referring to. (Not that he's not onboard.) He didn't exactly do a ton of research into porn when he came on land so he isn't super familiar with the human terminology.

That being said, he would be both excited and kind of nervous. They do have oral sex under the sea, of course, and he's excited at that prospect, but at the same time... Human anatomy is different right? They need their throats to breath, and humans seem more fragile than Merfolk, so he worries if their throat would be alright or if there's risk of injury.

The other thing that hits him after he agrees to it is... how sanitary is it? Azul hates the idea of mess and it seems like it would be risky to have someone putting their mouth there. The good news is that he's going to be very thoroughly and freshly washed when they do go down on him.

He gets real fixated on his grooming, actually. Azul's human form has some... features that he doesn't have in his Cecaelia body. Namely, body hair. He's not bushy by any means, but if he's having someone go down on him he wants it to look nice for them so he'll trim it neatly and make sure it's short enough to not get in the way. He might also daub a little cologne on himself, too, just to make sure he smells nice before the act.

When they actually get to the act, he's going to let them decide what position is easiest and what pace they want to set. It's not like he has any real frame of reference, here, so he's more than happy to let them guide him here. (Even if they don't have any practice either.)

He has no idea what he's meant to do with his hands. He will sit there and hover-hand if they don't give him some signal that it's okay for him to touch their head or shoulders while they go down on him.

The area just under the head is very sensitive-- maybe a bit too sensitive. If they focus on licking at it or around it he's going to eventually start squirming from it feeling overwhelming.

The first time they actually put his dick into their mouth and he gets to feel how hot their mouth is around him, he literally cannot keep his voice down.

His favorite part is catching them looking up at him. It makes his whole body go hot and he feels very desired.

He will cum fast, but he will give warning before he does because he's considerate. He doesn't really have much preference of if they want him to cum in their mouth or pull out, but he won't cum on them. The sight of his own cum on their face both makes him feels bad and makes him kind of want to gag because he is squicked out by the texture.

Floyd Leech

Floyd is very excited that they asked. Seeking out what sort of 'fun' things he could do in his new human body was like one of the first things he did as soon as he was on land because he was curious. He thinks it looks like it would be fun, and since he knows that Merfolk do something similar he's pretty confident it will be fun.

Floyd's grooming pretty regular. He'll shower and make sure he's clean right before his date with them, but he doesn't really fuss with his body hair or anything. He might draw a little heart or smile on his body where they will see it when they take his pants off just to play with them. He figures if they like him enough to put his dick in their mouth that they probably won't mind too much if he doesn't... uh... whatever mammals did to their pubes to make them fancy. (He doesn't know, he's never really cared to be honest.)

Floyd isn't super picky about the position or the "how" of it, so he just lets his partner pick what they want when they're ready.

He's very handsy when they go down on him. He likes to touch anything he can reach-- their hair, their shoulders or the back of their neck, their hands (if he can reach). He likes their attention on him and the blowjob is great, but giving them gentle affection while he praises them really makes him feel good.

His favorite is when they test to see how far they can take him. He likes having the excuse to praise them, and he likes seeing them get excited by the praise.

He's pretty vocal in general, actually.

He probably doesn't realize he's meant to warn them when he's about to cum and ends up cumming in their mouth. His only frame of reference is porn, after all. He will apologizes if he realizes they don't like that and admit that he should have checked with them, though.

Jade Leech

Of course Jade likes the idea-- he also looked up porn as soon as he came onto land, though has consumed significantly less of it because he finds it largely unappealing. He knows that it's the same general concept of oral sex under the sea.

Jade also grooms himself thoroughly and trims his body hair. He makes sure he looks well maintained and will make sure to shower shortly before their date so that he's fresh for them. He's not super particular about much else, though.

He would prefer to have his partner go down on him while he's standing up. The idea of getting to watch them kneel for him makes him hot.

During the blowjob, he likes to pet his hands through their hair, and will murmur a compliment or two while they work. He's not super vocal, though.

Though he realizes it's not likely to happen given it's their first time, he finds the idea of being allowed to fuck their mouth to be hot. He feels a little mean for it, but he gets off on the way they gag a little if they take him too deeply into their throat. He will shelve the topic for another day unless they ask him to do it, though.

He will ask before he cums where they prefer it to be, because he's a gentleman.

[cmcameron]

Hi! I saw that you graduated from SCAD, I want to go there and I want to know if you recommend it?

Oh boy I could write a book about all my thoughts about this. ;w;

I apologize if any of these answers sound a little harsh, it's more so because I don't want anyone following me (or just reading this post, hi there) to go into a bunch of debt with no way out. I still have nightmares about this.

A bunch of Art Schools at the end of a four year degree can be $150,000 - $200,000+. and have high af interest rates. Mine was a 14 percent interest rate when I graduated, and for those of you who don't know what that means, that's not a good time.

To keep things short, I would 'recommend' going to SCAD if you check ALL of these boxes:

Have a butt ton of scholarships, or can afford going to SCAD (or Cal Arts, because they're just as expensive if not more) WITHOUT going into serious debt. <- This one is probably the most important.

Understand all the basic art fundamentals (color theory, human anatomy (i.e drawing from life, drawings hands/feet), drawing environments in perspective, knowing basic animation if you want to animate, etc.) before going to school. If you struggle with drawing outside of your comfort zone, work on that first before you even consider Art School.

Know what you want to do in your industry of choice.

Know what the starting salary is in your field of choice and where companies are located (most likely LA if you are in America, unless you're doing remote work).

Can turn projects in on time.

Have a strong work ethic and desire to improve.

Know who the professors are in your field of choice and see what their resume's look like. How long has it been since they've worked in the field? Are they still working in the field? What have they worked on? What are some Rate My Professor Scores? Maybe take that last one with a grain of salt, but it's still a resource.

Understand that an art job is still a job and A TEAM SPORT. You're going to be drawing things you hate, you're going to have coworkers that are unreliable or have a nightmare boss. You might even spend several days working on something and then have to scrap it because there were some changes the client wants. And you will be working with people to make something happen.

Soooo, yeah. If you can go without going into serious debt, already understand the basic fundamentals, and know what you want to do in your industry I could recommend SCAD. But if you couldn't already tell, I have some very complicated feelings about it.

I don't regret going to SCAD, I learned a lot and made some fantastic connections, but dang. Those student loans really messed things up for me. I can't in good conscious recommend it if you'll go into serious debt.

[messyliferip]

I posted 791 times in 2021

13 posts created (2%)

778 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 59.8 posts.

I added 50 tags in 2021

#studyblr - 9 posts

#medblr - 9 posts

#medschool diaries - 8 posts

#uni diaries - 4 posts

#medschool - 4 posts

#studying - 4 posts

#university - 3 posts

#midterms - 3 posts

#booklr - 3 posts

#study - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#i told my sister if i fail more than one class this semester i’m gonna grow a pair and tell my parents that i have to change majors

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

back from my anatomy lab midterm. It was 29 questions and 45 seconds for each picture. I left so many qs empty smh like i would recognize the muscles and then the question would be about their innervations and origin/insertions like agslsjsoskndz. also like i knew all the foremen of the skull but i totally blanked when i came to naming the structures that run through them. i’m such an idiot for not studying more but i’m chill with whatever grade i get tbh i’ll just do good on the final. it was nice to study with friends and yea it was just a good day.

anyways i have physiology lab mid on tuesday so i have to study for that.

1 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 11:44:26 GMT

#4

First Final of 2nd Year Medschool……

i feel like garbage…. tmrw is my first final of the semester and i’m scared. it’s histology lab so it shouldn’t be too bad and as of right now i’m actually passing the class so again not that worried but i honestly haven’t studied that much. BUT i also have studied a lot of my histology class which the lab is heavily influenced by soooo i should be good PLUS i have studied like well enough i think i’m more stressed cause a lot of my friends are still studying and i’m like…. should i also still be studying ??? buts it’s literally like i studied so i shouldn’t be freaking out …. but i still am.

honestly i hate final seasons cause i always feel like such a trash human cause i rely on human interactions and i totally ghost all my friends and most of my friends live far away since i go to uni abroad so it’s soooo frustrating. like idc how much they say to just focus on my studies and dw like IM ALWAYS WORRYING and like whenever i do go back to texting it’s like no time has passed but I still feel like i need to be texting them 24/7…. which is sooo unhealthy ik but i just hate hate ghosting !!! i always try and be like sorry i’m busy with studying and finals but then sometimes i also just hate opening texts soooo ahdodmshuoaoa anywaayyysss s hopefully tmrw goes well!!!!!

2 notes • Posted 2021-12-12 21:00:21 GMT

#3

my life is a mess~

finals start in two weeks and i have nothing set i’m a mess and i’m panicking. my life is a mess, my mind is a labyrinth,my desk is a mess and everything is lost. I can’t even find my histology drawing book and the drawings are due tmrw. I have nothing done i’ve studied like two chapters since midterms what tf happened….. i’ve been so consumed with quizzes and hw that i haven’t been able to study. i literally just study for the quiz and go to the next and then forget what i’ve studied…..

i need like 80s in all my finals so i can pass my classes,,,, effff this is so bad…. and i still have two essays and a quiz this week and then next week i have histology and physiology lab finals ahdlnsisldjaodmnfe i need to get my shi* together.

3 notes • Posted 2021-12-02 13:28:28 GMT

#2

medschool guilt is real… and it sucks :/

so i finished my last midterm yesterday and today is the first day of the weekend and I still woke up at 5am but instead of going straight into studying I just wasted time, chilled, texted friends, watched yt etc. etc. etc. and then family came over and there was this whole party and everything…. I literally got some studying done and reviewed stuff but J feel like such an utter failure. It’s like if I don’t study everyday then suddenly there’s no hope for the other upcoming days?? like if i don’t MAKE this a habit by doing 64 consecutive days then might as well stop now?? and just like it’s so easy to feel so guilty about taking off ONE day after four weeks of midterms… :/// it’s 12am so hopefully these are just late night sad boo hour thoughts and they’ll all go away in the morning. It’s just scary cause I really need to do an AMAZING job on the finals and i’m just scared… i really need to do well and i have two or three quizzes this upcoming week so I really need to study.

anyways sorry for the depressing note but tmrw is going to be great!!! and if not we always have after tmrw :)

4 notes • Posted 2021-11-18 22:04:34 GMT

#1

JUST FINISHED ALL MY MIDTERMS OF SECOND YEAR AT MEDICAL SCHOOL!!! 🥳🥳🥳 honestly they last test totally sucked (histology lab) especially compared to physio lab which was Godsent but you know you reap what you sow. I studied the slides and totally missed and didnt study the stains like an idiot, i seriously had no idea that half of the freaking test was gonna be on stains, i literally only remembered H&E, sudan orange, and silver stain. like bruuuhhhh ashdoiwosnjdplwjer. anyways it izzz wat it izzz i’m actually a lot more motivated to study now cause like 1) i need like 80-90s in my finals to pass and 2) i got to end on a high note.

I have an upcoming anatomy quiz which covers the Scalp and Face which is all the muscles of the face and their actions and then temporal and infratemporal fossa. The muscles i’ve got dooowwwnn i just need to memorize the origins and insertions but the infratemporal fossa is so confusing for me idk why. And then next week I also have a physiology quiz which covers the parathyroid hormone and I haven’t reviewed that since before midterms soooo it’s been a minute. I also skipped a biochemistry and a histology lecture this week so I have one biochem chapter and then for histology half of the bone chapter, which tbh i’m seriosuly not looking forward to. Honestly what world are we living in that biochemistry is better than histology ??? like whaaattt?? Also my anatomy professor for lower limb is both so behind and also just going sooo damn fast like bruh…. so I have like three chapters to study one of them being nerves of the leg and if you know me you know i HATTEEE nerves and vessels so not looking forward to studying that.

This weekend I’m going to try and study mainly physiology and biochem. and then anatomy and histology. and literally yeet tf out of genetics. i’m seriously not even gonna look at the class until before finals like ew. anyways imma stop here cause i’m literally in physio class i just don’t know wtf this chick is talking abt. we just finished reproductive systems and this is the first lecture for GIT and i’m just lost. it’s also 8pm and a zoom class so yk i’m just in my phone.

8 notes • Posted 2021-11-17 18:14:13 GMT

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[whitehotharlots]

Sex panic double standard

You've probably noticed a weird double standard in regards to contemporary sexuality. On the one hand--for better and worse--there's a strong demand that we accept and celebrate all manner of sexual proclivities and behaviors that were considered weird and shameful up until just a few years ago: furrydom, polyamory, etc. But on the other hand, we're in the grip of what appears to be a large-scale sex panic, in which behaviors that were until recently considered normal or only mildly problematic are now regarded as sick and exploitative: do a twitter search for the term natalism and you'll get a sense of what I'm talking about.

This is due in part from a rhetorical mess in which several disparate concepts have gotten collapsed into one another: sexuality has become conflated with gender, gender has become conflated with sex, desire with sexuality, and so on. Some of these concepts are considered worthy of protection and the moral exemption of victimhood, while others are now cast as meaningless or suspect. Sometimes conceptualizations will directly contradict one another. More often, protected categories will be applied to some groups and denied to others on the basis of political affiliation, rather than whether those categories even literally apply. A trans woman can therefore boast about her fantasies of putting regular women into rape camps and it's just dismissed as a silly thought exercise. But a hetero guy saying he's attracted to women's butts? That's dehumanization, the sign of a sick mind.

The difference is that one party is given automatic sympathy within our present discourse, while the other is immediately demonized. The intentions and effects of their desires does not factor into it.

We see this most in regards to the age of consent, and especially in regards to the sexualization of children. All but the sickest among us will admit that pre-pubescent children do not have sexuality. They are sexed by biology and gendered by society, but this is not a sexuality. They may also display tendencies that pedophiles and their apologists regard as signs of sexuality: a child may be fascinated by the human body, or even fixate on certain parts of the anatomy. A child may intuit that sexiness is desirable. Far too often, they may be sexualized by adults. But none of this is at all equivalent to adult sexuality: not biologically, not morally.

This gets complicated once the kids hit puberty but are still minors in the eyes of the law, and this is why age of consent restrictions are by nature relative to cultural contexts. Just about every society strongly disincentivizes sexually mature minors from having sex with one another, and likewise has some formal laws against minors having sex with adults. The reasons for this are as manifold as they are obvious: in addition to the risks of disease and pregnancy, we realize that young teens are not mature enough to handle the emotional toll of sexual relationships. Even if a 14 year old gives nominal consent to sex with a 30 year old, we realize that the differential between power, experience, and maturity between those two is too great for meaningful consent to be issued.

The age of consent is not a perfect system, as internet creeps are wont to remind us. And, as much as I hate to admit it, they have a bit of a point. It's hypothetically possible for a particular 15-year-old to be more emotionally and intellectually and materially able to consent to a sexual relationship than a particular 22-year-old. But in reality, this is very rare. And since the law can't be adjusted for every single case, various cut-offs were decided upon: it's 16 in most states, 18 if the younger person goes across state lines, and there are various contingency laws in place so as to de-criminalize, say, a relationship between a 17-year-old and a 19-year-old. Again: everyone admits that the laws are imperfect, but so is basically every law, and their imperfection does not negate their necessity.

Now, until very, very recently, that hypothetical 19 y.o.-17 y.o. relationship was something that very few people would have found problematic. The 17 year old is below the age of consent, but the difference in age between the two parties is such that the relationship is no more likely to be exploitative than one between an 18-year-old and a 20-year-old. Within the neurosis of our present day, however, we've seen a fierce protection of what was once widely understood as a generalized cut-off point.

Fan artists have been excommunicated for drawing pictures of teenaged fictional characters that are arbitrarily deemed too sexy. Authors have been deemed perverts for, again, portraying fictional relationships. Most weirdly, we've seen accusations of "grooming" or even outright pedophilia against couples of differing age who are nonetheless both fully grown adults... I'm not talking about a 50-something executive banging his secretary, but, like a 40-year-old getting called a pedo for marrying a 33-year-old.

What has caused this?

I believe it's due to the problematics of sexual exploitation and abuse becoming understood in terms of identity, instead of how much material harm they cause or could potentially cause the younger partner. It all connects back to the collapse of conceptual categories listed above. People don't take stock of sexual relationships and strive to come to a honest understanding of whether or not harm has been inflicted. Sexual relationships and the people contained within them are simply either good or bad, and that designation is made with an explicit rejection of critical understanding... this is why an essentially arbitrary (though necessary) age marker is now regard as an almost biblical dictate.

But then, what accounts for this madness? Neurosis spreads, sure, but it's not like everyone suddenly lost the ability to think.

[saundraswriting]

S.C. Books Chapter 2

Summary: Eren and Levi spend more time together. Levi begins to see what Hange meant the other day about the shitty hand Eren had been dealt. Eren gets overwhelmed and heads to his comfort place.

Warnings: A graphic depiction of a nightmare and panic attacks

Notes: Hey guys! I hope you still are enjoying this fic. I am trying my best, and I hope that is enough. I have a very rough outline that I am not staying with so this is kinda rough and on the fly! This story references my high school career which ended in 2013 and my college career which ended in 2014.

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Eren took detailed notes as the professor lectured on large muscle groups. The class only had 5 hours a week for roughly 12 weeks to go over all the semester's information. The human anatomy and physiology 1 class was often broken into a lecture and lab portion, roughly two hours long. The discussion today was muscle groups and tendons and ligaments. The class moved quickly, causing Eren to over do his notes and readings to prevent confusion. It helped a bit that he had some art background, he knew groupings, and that he dad (was)is a doctor. Eren knew that even though he was taking good notes and paying attention he wasn't retaining a sliver of information. It was too much too fast but that is why for this class he blocked off extras study hours.

"Okay. That is enough for now. Let's take a quick 15. We still have a lab I want to get through. and it can be a doozy." Professor Nanaba clapped to get everyone's attention and the relief was palpable. Eren and a few others decided a short walk wouldn't be amiss. The science hall was quiet this late at night. There were a couple offices with lights on but not much else. Eren was walking on the second floor while reading and noting his two short stories for the next essay for his English class. The 15 minutes of literature and scrawled first impressions helped shake his mind of the fog that had been creeping in since the beginning of his A&P class.

The lab portion was helpful in reaffirming his knowledge of the muscular and skeletal systems of a human. His art background helped a bit too, he was able to make detailed drawings in his notes. When the lab was finished a short test was given, Eren loved and hated only have one class a week for this subject. It was the advanced class for a reason, meaning the pretty much did a speed-run of a week's worth of learning in a handful of short hours. The pace forced him to pay attention but anxiety sometimes caused him to fixate on the subject leading him to crunch other classes.

Once released Eren headed to the home he shared with Armin and Mikasa. The three of them had pitched together money from each of their inheritances from passed relatives-Armin from a wealthy grandfather and Mikasa and Eren from their parents-to buy a small cheap house not to far from the university. It wasn't anything special, came mostly furnished and they were able to thrift for the rest. It was home and that was enough. All three of them had more than enough to live on, especially with school being completely covered by scholarships, but they had decided in their junior year that life would be better together and better in the future. So they made do now to prepare for a better tomorrow. Eren walked the familiar route home, trying to remember if he had anything to do before getting to bed. He had gotten a lot done at the shop that day, Levi's small unprecedented visit helping a lot with his productivity.

Eren got home and quietly came through the door, trying to minimize any noise he made. 'Why did he pick today of all days to sit with me? What made today special?'Eren thought. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to relax the scrunch he knew he was making. 'Maybe he wanted to be nice? Maybe it was a trick? No, he seemed to genuine to be messing with me. He doesn't often work the counter, maybe he was just checking on me?'Eren thought. A tidbit of the conversation he had with Hange crept into his thoughts. '"I will say, I haven't seen him sit down and enjoy a conversation like today in a very long time. So treasure the fact that you are important to Levi Ackerman, for that is no small feat."' Eren blinked at his reflection in the mirror, shaking his head. There was no way, Levi Ackerman was interested in him. Levi was so smart and witty and intriguing. Eren was a bratty child who lost both his parents in a fit of mental anguish and is only getting by. Eren finished getting ready for bed, feeling uneasy about the direction of his thoughts. He knew he needed to sleep, he hadn't slept well the last few days. He couldn't do it again. Tomorrow was at least a shorter day. He had class solid from 11 to 4 then he was done. Maybe he could sleep in a bit and try to forget that Levi even look twice at him.

Eren didn't remember his dreams, on the days he dreamed that is. Other days he would wake with a burning throat and the sensation of viscous liquid creeping over him, the brownish red color of dried blood all he could see, screams ringing in his ears. Those days he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, the fear and anxiety and guilt forcing him to stay awake and try to not break down. He would sit counting his fingers and breaths for what seemed hours, hands gripping his hair, trying to resist pulling, sometimes he spent the early dawn hours in his and Armin's shared bathroom the shower too hot or too cold or hugging the toilet in-between vomiting episodes. He would sit silently, pushing it deeper and deeper down, until the acid in his stomach could dissolve it into nothingness. The was no trigger that he could find that set of the nightmares, he refused to tell anyone about them or the following panic attacks. He just waved off the rough nights as insomnia and stress from school. Eren knew he wasn't fooling many of his friends, if any, but he knew it was more trouble explaining it then it was worth. Today he was Lucky, he woke up in his bed to his alarm, violently. He was covered in sweat and was shaking, tears on his cheeks and throat sore. It wasn't a good night but Eren had worse ones.

The house empty, typical for a Thursday. Eren went down the stairs to see a message on the board about taking out the garbage, his class last night and breakfast being in the microwave. Eren puttered around the house, doing chores and eating his breakfast and getting ready for class. When it was time to leave Eren made sure he had all of his stuff and headed off to his classes.

He spent the hours he had in class diligently taking notes and meticulously planning his due dates. He didn't have the luxury of slacking for a second, if he missed one thing, he would be scrambling to catch up. He was in his last class of the day, his mind drifting to thoughts of S.C. Books and the hot owner. He was trying to just get through until he could get off campus, the panic attack he had in the morning was lingering in his trembling fingers and jumpiness. He just had to get through his last class. Eren's reputation in his friend group was the hot head that liked to pile on the pressure. He was smart and hard working but didn't know when to quit. He had a tendency to snap on a hair trigger and not much brought him back down. Most of his friends from high school went to Trost on scholarships, a few making the 50% cut instead of the 100%.

Class had just let out, he was the first to the door, blowing off everyone's calls to slow down or watch it, he didn't even snark back at Jean's remark for running into him. He was on a mission, it looked like a million ghosts were on his tail. Jean was known for priming Eren's trigger out of a sick sense of friendship, he seemed to be able to tell when Eren needed to blow off some steam, but he had never seen him look like that. 'Something is up with the dumbass, and I want to know.' Jean sent a text to his boyfriend Marco and made to follow Eren. He only got as far as the quad before he lost him in the crowd so he made his way to his next class.

Eren had blanked as soon as class was dismissed. He needed a quiet place. He couldn't go home Armin and Mikasa would only hover and make him feel worse. Campus was too noisy, he didn't want to risk anyone finding him. There was only one place to go, He could practically smell the tea and coffee and see Levi standing in front of him, small and compact and worried.

"Hey, brat. You okay? You look terrible." Levi's voice cut through the beginnings of him panic. Eren blinked. He was at S.C. Books, he had ran all the way there.

"Levi? How-When. I. What?" Eren could only gasp and stutter. He could feel his focus and awareness fading and brightening as he stood there. He looked around and saw people staring at him, causing him to shake more.

"You two good? I'll handle the brat." Levi didn't look away from Eren who was obviously not fully there. He came around the corner, slow and careful, it set Eren's teeth on edge.

"I am not made of glass. I am fine. Just give me a minute." He snapped. He took a couple deep breaths but could still felt like he was forgetting something.

"Okay. You're fine. That is why you came racing in here like the hounds of Baskerville were on your tail and also why you look like you are a million miles away, cause you're fine." Levi said. He took a few more steps closer. "I don't know what is wrong, but I want to help. You come in here looking like this or like the weight of the world is on your shoulders too much. I want to help you. What do you need?" Levi asked him quietly. The shop was slowly losing interest in their going-ons. Eren relaxed more they stopped paying attention.

"I'm fine. I had a bad dream this morning and it lingered. I got through class and just needed to come here. Sorry for making you worry." Eren rubbed the back of his head embarrassed.

Levi looked at Eren, lightly shaking, eyes glassy and unable to focus, breathing a little too fast, complexion just a shade too pale. 'This kid. He needs someone to take care of him.' Levi sighed, eyeing the way he slouched and curled in on himself trying to be smaller. ' I want to be the one to do it.' He blinked and shook that idea out of his head. "You table is open. If you want to sit down. I can join you if you like. If not, we can sit in my office for a bit. You look like you could use the space." Levi felt his eyebrows furrow. 'The fuck? I never let anyone in my office. What am I thinking' Levi looked at Eren for an answer.

"I would like to say your office, but your face is begging me to refuse that option. I very much appreciate the offer though. I do. I think I'll sit down for a bit and study. Maybe that will help soothe my nerves." Eren shuffled his bag a bit, seeming to hesitate. "Think you could join me? I could use the quiet company." Eren looked shy, like he expected to get rejected.

"Yeah. We can do that. Give me a minute. I'll get us some tea. and a few pastries, you could use with a little more weight on your bones." Levi nodded his head to Eren's usual table. Eren nodded a few times too many, still not completely aware. He flashed a shaky smile at the employees working, Petra and Molbit. Eren sunk down ungracefully into his chair, trying to ignore the gazes of the other patrons, he could feel them on his skin causing his breath to hitch. He began running his hand over the scar on his arm, up and down trying to use the motion to soothe himself.

"Eren, you with me, brat?" Levi asked from several steps away. He knew the kid was not having a good day and did not want to be what made it worse.

Eren looked up, eyes wide and shining, he looked a mix of grateful and pleased that Levi came back. He didn't even look at the two plates and mugs Levi was carrying until he placed them on the table and Levi wasn't sure what to make of that expression that was for him and only him. "Levi, thank you. I am sorry I caused such trouble. I have been coming here for a while, it was the only placed I could think of. I have been dealing with this just fine until now, so I don't know why all of a sudden, it was too much." Eren said, Levi could hear the confusion and frustration in his voice.

"Eren, I am honored that you think of my shop as a safe space. That means a lot. Now, why don't you eat and drink your tea. You need to take a breather and then we can crack open your books or we can talk for a while. How does that sound?" Levi nudged the plates and the tea he had the other day closer. Levi pulled out an iPad and continued working on some orders that he needed to finalize before the end of day. Levi looked over the top of his iPad to see Eren fire off one quick text and then turn his phone off.

Eren cradled the mug like it was the only source of warmth he ever had, it did help ease the trembling in his hands. Eren did as asked, sat silent and still, letting the tension drip off of him like water. After he cleaned his hands-with a small smirk to Levi who pretended to be distracted-Eren broke a few pastries in half, nibbling on some here or there. 'Can't this kid just accept the handouts, like why does he have to share?' Levi wondered.

A few more minutes and Eren looked less like he was going to pass out or be sick, so Levi decided it was time to move on. "Brat, you done?"" After Eren nodded he took away the dishes, paying no attention to his employees. "Do you want to talk or work?" Levi asked. He was fine with either one but couldn't deny he wanted to hear what spooked Eren.

"I have a tendency to panic or freak out when I am struggling, I can even be completely apathetic. Sometimes, I can't sleep. Some days it takes everything I have in me to breathe and some days I am fine. I have gotten better with learning coping skills and keeping busy is a big help but so has finding a place that hasn't been touched by the things that make my bad days even worse. Some times, school or home or my friends or my sister is enough to make a day turn sour. That isn't helped by my nightmares that lead into panic attacks at any given time of the night. Last night was more of the same, and when I got to school it was a little more then I could bear and soon I found myself sprinting to the only place I knew could make me feel better." Eren said. He spoke matter-of-factly, not wanting to Levi to think he was whining over his situation. Eren had come to accept that his life was better than some but not as good as others, but he was surviving. Levi's lack of response made it easier to talk.

"I think one of my friends tried to follow me here, they all worry over my mood swings and weight fluctuations. I don't have it in me to explain everything. I can barely gather the nerve to tell you this much. You've been so good to me for so long, letting me stay late or come in early. You treat me so kindly and don't badger me even though I know you and the others here are concerned. I really can't thank you enough. I don't know if I would be here without you Levi. So many days I have come in here, ready to end it all and then you call me a brat or make your not-jokes with the others and I am reminded all over again that I have everything to lose if I give up now." Eren reached over pinching Levi's sleeve between two fingers. He waited until Levi looked up, eyes shining wetly. "Levi, thank you so much. You are very important to me."

Levi let out the breath he had been holding the entire time Eren was speaking, his whole body softening. Levi hadn't softened for anyone in years, people pissed him off with their selfishness, and germs, and rudeness, and lack of gratitude. But here was this brat of a kid, trying to thank Levi for things he did all the time unconsciously. He could feel the warmth of Eren's gaze and appreciation fill him like the sun. "You're pretty important to me too, brat. Not many people just go along with my shitty humor or terrible honesty or overwhelming idiosyncrasies. I could thank you too. You don't remind me what to live for per se but that it is okay to live." Levi said. Eren blinked at him in surprise, mouth gaping. "Anyway, let's move on. You had class today, and you were pretty checked out earlier, why not get to work. Pick something light and go from there. I'll stick around for a bit. The quiet will do you some good." Levi suggested.

"Yeah. You're right. Today was practically useless, I can't afford to get behind." Eren pulled out his planner, muttering under his breath as he looked through it. Levi settled down in his seat, to wait out the kid who had been dealt a shitty hand. And if sometimes while he was working Levi took exaggerated breaths to help Eren pace his or Eren lightly pressed his fingers to Levi's wrist to measure his pulse, no one was around to comment on it.

[let-it-raines]

Not Your (soul)Mate {1/?}

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused. 

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate. 

He’s screwed. And not in the good way. 

Rating: Mature (mostly for jokes now and for...other things later)

A/N: Hello, friends! It’s me coming at you with more words! This time they’re of the supernatural variety for @cssns with *gasp* a soulmate fic. It’s a fun one guys. Seriously. It’s an absolutely ridiculous concept (soulmates + aroused by each other’s voices), but I’m having fun writing it! I’ve got eight chapters written so far, and I’m itching to share them with you! 

A special shoutout to @captainsjedi for her incredible artwork and for being my number one cheerleader as these words were dragged out of me. I feel super honored for her to have made this art for my story! And thank you to the organizers for doing such great work! So, everybody ready? 😁

Found on AO3 | Here |

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @dreameronarooftop15 @searchingwardrobes @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @artistic-writer @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @thejollyroger-writer @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81@thejollyroger-writer @xellewoods @cssns

-/-

One.

Two.

Three.

It’s the pattern he keeps tapping against his thigh as he sits at his desk, the clock on the wall ticking loud enough for him to hear. If he’s busy enough, it’s silent. But when he has time to idle and not focus on something in particular, when he’s anxious to get to go home, he can hear each individual tick as the seconds and minutes pass by. He’s always been sensitive to sounds, the quietest of whispers sometimes equivalent to yelling directly in his ear, but over the years, he’s learned to block the sounds out, to control how voices and taps and screeches affect him.

His clock is driving him insane.

He wants to go home.

And it’s not because he hates his job or anything. Sure, some days it’s like actual torture, nails on a chalkboard multiplied by at least seventeen, especially with the sensitivity of his ears, but most of the time he enjoys designing boats, ships, and the like. He enjoys working with Liam every single day and getting to draw up someone’s dream vessel like he often did as a child when he had nothing more than a pencil and a notebook of battered paper. Really, his job is a way to make his childhood dreams become a reality but in a financially responsible way.

For him. Not for the people who buy custom boats.

He likely wouldn’t enjoy it if he didn’t make any money. Designing boats is a hell of a lot of fun, but he does so enjoy having an apartment (some of the American terms have integrated into his vocabulary by now it seems) to go home to and food to eat. Honestly, he likes tea far too much to not be able to afford it.

How stereotypically British is he?

It doesn’t even matter. He likes tea, and he won’t let anyone try to convince him otherwise. His cabinet in his kitchen keeps him supplied with caffeine, and if it’s all arranged by size of bag and flavor, no one has to know that. He doesn’t live with anyone, so it’s completely fine.

Liam would make fun of him for ages if he knew of all of Killian’s little tendencies and specificities on how to run his life. Liam already has too much fun teasing him about the binders and books on his shelves in his office, but really, of all of the places to be organized, why not in the office? It’s not his fault that Liam lives in a disorganized mess.

Once a Navy man, always a Navy man doesn’t quite hold true when it comes to one half of the team at The Jewel: A Boating Design Company. He was never sold on the name, but it was Liam’s idea so he went along with it. And the odd name hasn’t seemed to keep any clients away, so it’s obviously worked out.

He still wants to go home.

And technically he could. Technically he’s a boss here and could go home whenever he wants, but he doesn’t like to leave before six. It’s bad business, and it’s never a bad thing to keep his mind focused on work. He’s always got a million thoughts whirling around in his head, and focusing on work keeps him grounded.

But today is a different day. Today is difficult for him. It’s an anniversary of sorts, but it’s not the good kind. It’s not roses (or sunflowers because in his opinion, roses are overrated) and wine and beautiful jewelry over a nice dinner with small servings when all people really want is to sit at home and eat pizza on the couch. No, it’s an anniversary of loss.

Of loss that’s not as final as death, and yet it still has its own particular sting that tends to linger. It’s a loss in his life that he’s felt many a time, but this one, this particular woman, well, her loss stung the most.

Her loss stings the most.

And it’s all because of the universe and its twisted sense of fate. He doesn’t mean that in a “weird shit happens” kind of way. He means that in the universe is a piece of shit that has lives decided before the people who live them are even born. It doesn’t matter what you do or how you live. The universe is always standing at the plate ready to throw a curveball and strike you out.

One strike.

Two strikes.

Three strikes.

You’re out.

Soulmate.

Or soul mate with two words. The universe has everything predestined, but apparently, they couldn’t decide on words in dictionaries and whether or not it was one combined word or two separate words. And that’s just scratching the surface of language and grammar, and he only speaks English and a tiny bit of French. Things just get more complicated when you move beyond that.

But that’s not the point. He can worry about grammar on another day. Right now he’s thinking about the unfortunateness of soulmates (soul mates…nope, he’s just going to decide it’s one word for him) and just how completely screwed up it all is.

No one really knows how the human race figured out that there are two people who are perfectly matched up in every single way. It doesn’t mean there aren’t fights and arguments and petty squabbles over who did the dishes or turning the air conditioner up too high. It simply means that somewhere out there, there’s a person who, when it counts, matches up to you so well that the universe has decided to they are your person.

They are the Christina Yang to your Meredith Grey.

(Yes, he’s watched Grey’s Anatomy, and no, he is not ashamed...of seasons one through six. It gets a little murky after that.)

But what happens if your soulmate dies? What happens if you never meet them? What happens if you fall in love with someone only to find out that their sign or their mark or their soul doesn’t at all match up with yours? What happens if you love someone so deeply that you don’t think your heart can take it anymore, and they leave you because the words written across their ankle are not also written across yours?

What happens if you don’t have words written at all?

He doesn’t. He doesn’t have the words. He doesn’t have any kind of indication as to how to find this so-called perfect match of his. He has no idea.

And he doesn’t need to ask the question of what happens when you love someone who is not your soulmate because he knows. He knows that the love can be real and deep and true, and yet the moment that person finds their matching mark, suddenly things start to crumble and fall apart. Questions begin to be asked, and there are no answers. There are no answers that are correct anyhow. It’s as if you’re taking one of those standardized tests where all four answers are correct, but you have to choose the one that’s the most correct.

Bullocks.

That’s the most ridiculous thing in the world, and yet he’s taken the standardized tests. He had to, but that’s really not the point.

(Also, he wonders if soulmate magic is real, are other types of magic real? Is Harry Potter based off of something true? Could he have gone to Hogwarts?)

Milah found her soulmate, and it wasn’t him. She loved him, but she let him go. And he cannot begrudge her for it. No, she’s doing what will truly make her happy, and he wants her to be happy. She deserves it.

He just wishes that it had been him.

The universe apparently had other ideas.

And four years later, he still doesn’t know his mark.

Four years later, he still loves her even if he shouldn’t, even if he knows he should have moved on.

Liam could hear Elsa’s thoughts at night when he was lying down to sleep. It wasn’t in his dreams, though he has heard of those, but simply once the darkness fell outside. They’d known each other in their thoughts since they were children, a love predestined and predetermined that found its way to life despite the countries that were spread out between them. He’s always been jealous of his older brother for a lot of things, but knowing who his love is and getting to know her for his entire life, that may be the thing which fills him with the most envy.

He’s not even sure that he wants to know who his soulmate is, but when he thinks of his brother and the happiness of his life with his wife and his children, he wonders how two people so genetically similar could have such different paths in life.

Robin’s had been a simple tattoo on his forearm. He knew that all he needed was to find his match, and even though it took into his mid-thirties, he did.

Mid-thirties are truly not old – especially since he himself just turned thirty five – but in a society that is obsessed with love and procreation, Robin might as well have been a lonely elderly man with no chance at love…and Robin’s a man. It’s much worse for women, which is fundamentally unfair. But he’s a designer of boats, not a designer of the universe, so he can’t exactly fix that.

Will, well, Will’s soulmate sign is one that Killian is rather fond of if he’s honest. He found Belle because he’d started spending time in a library, and whenever he would touch certain books, fingerprints would start glowing. They were small, dainty things, so he knew that they weren’t his. But the prints glowed, and as he moved throughout the library, he noticed that every book had fingerprints that glowed. And thus he found Belle, the librarian, and even though they don’t seem to match up, they do.

Everyone he knows is living life with someone they’re supposed to be with, happiness and issues all combined, and he’s…not.

He doesn’t think his life will suddenly become perfect if he were to meet this mystery woman. He doesn’t. His life is wonderful. He loves his friends and family. He loves his job and his hobbies. He loves his life.

Today is simply a hard day.

Today is simply a day of loss.

But tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow he’ll go back to normal, and he won’t feel the loss of his love so much.

As much.

“Hey, did you get the Santos order?”

“Shit,” he mumbles, jumping in his seat at Ariel’s voice. He knows that she likely spoke at a normal volume, but he wasn’t focusing and had zoned out. Her voice startled him. It doesn’t help that she takes pleasure in annoying him. “Sorry, love. You surprised me.”

“I knocked three times there, Jones,” she sighs, walking into his office and dropping a note down on his desk. “I know it’s late in the day and all, but you’re really zoning out.”

“That is the pot calling the kettle black, A,” he laughs, rolling forward in his chair to look at the note she has, her chicken scratch written across the notecard. “You zone out at lunch thinking about how someone invented the fork.”

“It’s true. You’ve got to think about things like that. You okay though? You’ve got that pensive, brooding look all over your face.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes before looking up at her and stretching his hands up behind his head, the small ache pleasant. “I’m going to fire you for someone who doesn’t know me as well.”

“My severance package would be fantastic, so you can go ahead and do that. But I also know you’d be lost without me, so that’s not going to happen. No one else in the world knows which pens of yours not to use.”

“That can be taught.”

“Yeah, but no one else is going to accept your weirdness.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Anyways,” she sighs, sitting down in the chair across from his desk and crossing her leg over her knee, “Eric and I are having a dinner at our house on Friday night, and you’re coming.”

He raises an eyebrow while he tries to keep his lips from curling up into a smile because he knows exactly why they’re having a dinner. She’s been his assistant for three years, and somewhere along the way she became one of his closest friends. She also drives him mad with how she doesn’t listen to him at all.

“Are you not even asking? Just demanding?”

She shrugs and flicks a speck off of her pants. “I’m telling you. It’s at seven, lots of our friends are coming, and you will be there if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.”

He hums and taps his fingers against the desk, the sound of his clock no longer in his earshot. “Fine. I think maybe I can be persuaded by some free food that I know is really a dinner party to announce your pregnancy.”

Her lips part, jaw nearly dropping, before she snaps it shut and gets up, walking over to him and knocking him upside the head. “You’re an asshole. That’s supposed to be a secret. How the hell did you know?”

“This note that you just gave me has baby names and a gynecologist appointment on it and not the Santos order.”

“Pregnancy brain is a real thing,” she huffs before slapping his head again and walking out of the room.

“Congratulations,” he shouts, leaning forward in his chair and smiling to himself. It’s a day of loss, but not everything is bad. It’s also a day of life.

He does spend the night drowning himself in a glass of rum, but it’s just the one filled a little too close to the brim. And he doesn’t spend entirely too much time thinking about Milah and all of the women and heartbreak that have come before her. He only spends what he would consider an acceptable amount of time, and if it was most of the night, no one has to know that but him.

Those are the perks of living alone.

Well, that and eating food in nothing but his boxers while watching reruns of whatever the hell he wants.

The Office.

It was The Office. He spends far too much time watching The Office and also…in his office. But that’s something else. That’s work, and it’s not filled with quite the same amount of comedy. Though he is thinking about putting Liam’s stapler in some jello. That’s not as funny in real life, but he’s not exactly sure if he’s desperate enough to wrap up Liam’s entire office in wrapping paper.

It’d have to be some birthday paper or something. It’s April, so Christmas paper likely wouldn’t work. Of course, it’s April, so Christmas paper would likely be on sale. This is sounding better and better, but he’s not going to do it. He’s going to keep on going with his life and make sure that Ariel isn’t setting him up on a date at this dinner party he’s been at for thirty minutes like he’s pretty sure she’s doing with her friend Jane.

Amazingly enough, the existence of soulmates does not keep people from setting him up on blind dates.

You’d think there would be at least one perk.

Besides the whole perfect match thing and all.

That’s supposedly a perk.

“Would you excuse me for just one minute, love?” he asks Jane, flashing her his most sincere smile and squeezing her shoulder before walking toward his brother who is talking to Will and Robin in the corner of the backyard.

��BJ,” Will greets, grinning from ear to ear as Killian shakes his head.

“You cannot call me that, Scarlett,” he groans. His protests don’t matter at all, but he can hope. He can hope that one day one of his friends will listen to him.

It’s a pipe dream.

“Well, baby Jones isn’t quite as funny as BJ.”

“You have the humor of a fifteen-year-old lad.”

“At least I’m not boring like you,” he scoffs before he takes another sip of his beer. “How’s your little date going over there?”

“So you can tell that it’s a set up?”

“Little brother,” Liam sighs, clapping his hand down on his shoulder, “you scratched your ear enough times for us to know you were nervous. Plus Ariel told us. She was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement.”

“Younger. I’m younger, and of course she did. Jane is…she’s a nice woman, but I’m not really in the mood for another date.”

Suddenly his head starts pounding, sounds muting for a moment before he hones in on a laugh, a laugh that has his skin heating and gooseflesh rising over his arms as he only focuses in on it before all of the other sounds come back to him, the laugh fading into the background. He doesn’t know what the hell just happened, but he’s not going to focus on it when he’s got to deal with his brother and his best mates being undeniable assholes.

Tuning things out has always kind of been his thing anyways.

“It doesn’t have to be a date,” Robin helpfully supplies, “but I think the lass likes you, so I’d turn her down easy.”

“There’s nothing to turn down.”

“She might not know that.”

“Anyways,” he sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, “how long do you think A is going to drag this along until we get to eat dinner?”

“I’d say until she finishes talking to her friends over there.” Liam points to a group of women standing on the other side of the deck. He recognizes Ariel and her friend Mary Margaret. He’s been to her house and met her husband. David? He thinks his name is David and that he’s a detective. And obviously he recognizes his sister-in-law, but he doesn’t recognize two of them. One of them is tall, her legs stretching on for miles, and she’s got straight brunette hair that falls down her back with the tips of it covered in red. The other woman is shorter, but not necessarily short, and her blonde hair is pulled up into a ponytail so that he can see the openness of her dress as it dips down her bare back and rests just above the curve of her waist. He doesn’t know her at all, and he wonders how. Ariel may simply work with him, but she’s made him such a part of her personal life that he feels like he knows all of her friends.

Then again, he didn’t know Jane, so obviously she has several friends she wants to announce her pregnancy to that he’s never met. They’re all ships passing in the night.

Of course, it’s not quite night yet and they’re definitely not ships, but his point still stands.

Or sails.

He can design a ship that would work for this purpose.

He has too much time on his hands.

All of the sounds mute again before the same laugh as before comes back, but this time he knows exactly where the sound is coming from. It’s coming from the blonde who’s talking to Ariel, and he can feel his skin heating up again, the flesh pricking and hair rising across his body as a shiver runs through him. He knows this feeling. He knows it well. It’s the start of something that he usually finds pleasant, but it’s not something that he finds pleasant while standing in a public place with all of his friends around.

Will may have the humor of a teenager, but apparently Killian has the uncontrollable sex drive of one.

Shit.

This is not good.

He needs to think of the government or his grandmother or people who think Hawaiian shirts can be worn to the office as casual wear when they live in Maine because his jeans are rather tight and he’s afraid that nothing can be hidden when he’s feeling a little excited.

Or a lot excited.

When he should not be excited at all.

Oh hell. He’s aroused. He’s not excited. He’s aroused, and there is absolutely no reason for it. Does he even need a reason? Probably not. Still though. This is a problem he doesn’t really want to have right now at his assistant’s barbecue to announce that she’s created a spawn of her loins.

Those are the only loins he should be thinking about.

Not Ariel’s loins, though. That is…this is all too much for him.

“Hey, lover boy,” Will whistles, and suddenly the laughter is fading away so that he can focus on the sound of Will’s whistle and the wind that’s causing the leaves on trees to rustle and mix in with all of the conversations that are happening, “you’ve got to stop staring at Emma or she will kick your ass all the way back to England.”

Emma.

“Who is that?” he ponders, reaching to scratch his beard. He should have shaved this morning, but he didn’t have time to clean his scruff up. “Emma? You said her name was Emma?”

“Aye,” Will confirms, his fingers tapping along the glass of his bottle and picking up the condensation. “Emma Swan. She lives with Belle. I’m bloody terrified of her sometimes, but she’s fun.”

“Why are you terrified of her?”

“Because she’s a cop. A detective, I think, and I’ve seen first hand just how good she is at kickboxing.”

“Why? Did you beat your ass for saying something dumb?”

Will rolls his eyes as both Robin and Liam chuckle, even if they try to muffle the sound. “I may have said something a bit unsavory one night, and she may have literally kicked my ass for it. But I’m on the straight and narrow path now.”

“Huh. So she did what we’ve all been wanting to do for years now. I like her.”

“Why don’t you go talk to her?” Liam prods, wrapping his arm around Killian’s shoulder and slapping him harder than he should. “Are you scared to talk to another girl? Is this going to be like teenage Killian who can’t flirt with more than one woman in a day without being terrified of having to do it again?”

“Sod off.”

“I’m telling you,” Liam starts, but Killian moves out from under his arm and walks away from the group of them so that he can go inside and get a glass of water, not really interested in hearing Liam teasing him about his childhood. It doesn’t bother him, but he’s heard it all before and doesn’t really need to hear about it again. It’s still been A Week, and there’s only so much teasing about his relationships that he can take when he’s still mourning the loss of one.

Once he gets into the kitchen, he grabs a cup off the counter and fills it with ice and water from the fridge, the sound of the ice machine drowning everything out so that he doesn’t hear someone come in behind him. He doesn’t hear her, so he’s got no idea that she’s within a foot of him when he turns around and hits her shoulder, the cup of ice cold water in his hand spilling all over the front of her dress.

Of Emma’s dress.

Of Emma’s white dress.

Because it’s the woman who he was just admiring who he spilled a drink on.

“Holy shirt-balls that’s cold.”

He wants to laugh at her words, at her The Good Place reference, but then it’s happening again. His skin is heating, his temperature rising by several noticeable degrees, and he can feel the hair on his body begin to rise while his jeans tighten. How are his jeans still tightening? His erection can’t get any worse.

Holy shirt-balls indeed.

What the hell is happening to him?

“I’m sorry, love,” he stutters, trying to focus his hearing so that everything won’t be so heightened, but then his eyes glance down at the way that the material of her dress is clinging to her skin, the edges molding to her breasts, and everything gets worse. So, so much worse. He loves women. He’s never denied that. But hell, he should not be having this kind of reaction. This is not some kind of bad porn movie.

This is not some kind of raunchy romantic comedy either.

This is his life.

She’s got fantastic breasts.

Nope. Nope. Nope. He can’t be thinking that. He shouldn’t be thinking that. Something is happening to him, and he needs it to stop.

“I mean, I would say it’s not your fault, but you did spill the water on me,” she laughs, grabbing onto her dress and squeezing the water out a bit as she makes her way further into the kitchen to grab a towel and wipe herself down.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Again. You’re Emma, right?”

She’s still dabbing at her dress when she looks up at him and raises an eyebrow. Her cheeks are flushed red, and he’s not sure if it’s from spending the evening outside or from the embarrassment of him spilling water on her. But she’s got these beautifully flushed cheeks and light emerald eyes that can’t seem to focus on him, her gaze constantly changing.

With how uncomfortable his jeans are right now, he’s honestly kind of wishing that he had ice water dumped on him.

Seriously. What the hell is happening to him?

“Um, yeah. How do you know that?”

“Will told me. I’m…we’re old friends. Killian. Killian Jones.”

“Emma Swan,” she sighs, continuing to dab at her dress while he looks away. He has to look away or he’s going to do something inappropriate by anyone’s standards. Something is happening to him, to his mind and his body, and he needs it to stop right now. “You know, if you wanted to talk to me, all you had to do was introduce yourself, no spilled water involved. And if you wanted to see my tits, well, I should warn you that I carry around a gun for a living, and I don’t take too kindly to things like that.”

“I can promise you that wasn’t my intention.”

“Then why aren’t you looking at me right now?”

“Swan, if I’m honest, it’s because I can see both through and down your dress, and it’s not proper to look no matter how much I want to.”

Holy shit. Why did he just say that?

“Is it hot in here?” Emma asks, changing the subject, and he has never been more thankful for anything in his entire life. Though, really, if she could stop talking, he would be thankful for that too. Her voice is focused in his ears, every word reverberating and spinning around so that he can focus on nothing but her. It’s like her laughter earlier. His body instinctively tuned into it, focused on it, and it caused this same feeling of arousal to base itself at his spine.

And every word she says, makes it worse.

Fuck.

He somehow knows what’s happening, his brain instantly making the connections, and if he could walk out the front door and have never come to this party, he probably would.

Emma Swan is mostly likely his soulmate if the way his senses are picking up are any indication, and every word she says gives him the most inappropriate erection.

Her voice arouses him, and it’s not in a normal way.

Of all the soulmate signs, why this?

Couldn’t he have gotten a damn butterfly tattoo right above his ass instead?

[abbyfreemansmind]

An open letter to Akihasu-Senpai, who has rejoined Tumblr despite hating it.

I’m fine without you. I’m thriving without you. I’m more than just surviving without you. If you thought I would regret what I did, you’re wrong. If you thought I’d want you back, you’re wrong. If you thought I’d ever look back, you’re wrong. You can come back on Tumblr* all you want. I honestly don’t care. At all. I don’t know if you’re trying to get to me, what with your comments about disliking Tumblr making your appearance here suspicious in that regard, but if you are, I assure you it isn’t working. But if you try anything against me and mine, I won’t hold back. I stopped the callout not once, not twice, but three times, because I didn’t want you to get hurt - because even after what you did to me, I still cared about you. Then you pulled that nonsense with my close friend, who has now gone into hiding. Like it or not, I can very easily go back over that and bring it back, and if I do, I will show no mercy. I can make your time very painful for you. If you thought I was a b-word before, just try me. And to answer your questions: 1 - No, I don’t actually love you - in ANY WAY (not even platonically anymore!). After everything, it’s quite the opposite actually. 2 - No, I didn’t steal my username idea from you. I would never stoop as low as to bring back painful memories and such to myself. That being said, I did yoink the url springwormwood because it’s funny to me. 3 - I hadn’t actually thought about you since your little outburst thanks to a mutual stalker of ours. Then you joined here, for some reason. 4 - Thanks to friends, family and therapy, I’m doing quite well. I very highly suggest getting a therapist. One might be able to help you with your obvious problems you have with everyone who even remotely critiques/criticizes you, your work and your behaviour - although I’d feel sorry for the therapist, considering you can’t take critique or criticism like an adult. 5 - You can’t claim to be an ally to nonbinary people and also disrespect their pronouns. You can’t claim to be an ally to WLW (lesbians, bi women, pan women, etc.) and fetishize them the way you do. You can’t claim to be an ally to intersex people and fetishize them the way you do. 6 - Welcome to Tumblr, where being a yandere gets you on most of the website’s Do Not Interacts and blocklists! So does making triggered jokes! So does supporting lolicon! So does intentionally triggering people! So does being blatantly aphobic! So does so much of the other stuff you do!

I was being nice. I was being mature - and not just because if I acted the way you acted I’d be the laughingstock of the situation (like you!). I genuinely am a nice and mature person. But if you do one idiotic thing, one stupid thing, one thing against me and mine, the flood gates will open and I will release my own callout detailing everything you did to me, what you convinced other people to do, how you manipulate people, what you did to my friend and all of those problematic little things you enjoy drawing and supporting with your... “art”. I also know a lot of people who would be very interested in you. :) many more than just the ones Squid knows, although I know them, too. I could make it spread faster and further than Squid could. If messing with us is what you’re here for, you’d better think twice. I have my friends and fans on high alert about you, not to mention you’re on a few blocklists as it is. 

Yes. Yes, that WAS a threat. And yes, I’m very open about blocking and banning you and your little friends. No secret there, like you tried to say.

Oh, and what was it you said about things posted on the internet when I (rightfully) hated that you posted that bikini underwear drawing of me (and it got reblogged to someone who openly reblogged mostly porn)? That once something was on the internet, anybody could do anything they wanted with it? Yeah, if you do anything, you’re gonna find those words to be mighty horrible. Again, just try me. Again, if you thought I was an absolute b-word before, I’ll show you what I’m really like in b-word mode.

Also, somebody unfortunately showed me your porn. As someone with a vagina, they don’t work like that. As someone with a basic knowledge of human anatomy, neither penises now vaginas work like that. As someone who’s taken several sex ed classes, nothing works like that. It’s gross aff. Also, I feel sorry for the spines on your ladies. They must’ve had some kinda back surgery at some point to support those grossly deformed and elephantiasis-ridden breasts. Oh, and nipples don’t work like that either. not without causing a lot of pain for the person getting a penis shoved in it. I’m genuinely beginning to doubt your lack of virginity and sexual understanding. And I’m a sex-repulsed virgin.

~Sincerely, one of the people you abused and the dear friend of another person you allowed to be abused to the point where the only option was to go into hiding

* - This is in regards to you saying you didn’t want to be on here because of me and mine, the ban of NSFW content (which still hasn’t been lifted) and the SJWs who hate on anything they don’t like (like your paedophilic “age up” art, thoughts on simulated cp, usage of slurs when other words are available after learning about how it’s a slur and fetishization of WLW, trans women and intersex women). You really do look shady like this.

[kny-matchups]

can i request a match up please? i'm 5'0, 19 y/o, feminine non-binary with shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes, with freckles. i'm not super sociable (even tho i want to be) bc i'm very awkward and kinda an introvert. i also don't talk that much and prefer to listen to other people talking, but occasionally a subject will come up and you won't be able to shut me up. i have a quick temper but i also calm down just as quickly. i hate confrontation tho and will often bottle up those {part 1}

feelings however. i love to draw, especially very detailed things. I also love science, specifically space and astronomy, and human anatomy. and if i could make a living out of it, i would love to become a palaeontologist!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I match you with Zenitsu!

You and Zenitsu are a rather strange pair. It’s surprising to see the scatterbrained demon slayer with someone so quiet. Once they really see you two speak with each other, though, it’s actually easy to understand why you two work so well for each other. Your usually calm, quiet demeanor helps him keep his own emotions under check a little bit more than they usually are, and when you lose your cool, he really knows he’s messed up. While Zenitsu is usually the one that does most of the talking between you two, he actually loves hearing you gush about your own interests. The look that you get when you start talking is really cute, and it makes him a bit sad he doesn’t get to see it often. He’d probably ask you about the stars pretty often since it’s an easy topic to bring up during the evening.

[believerindaydreams]

you knew I had to ask K for the trio :3 I love me some post-apocalypse stuf

in which there is a stubborn refusal to settle on which apocalypse this actually is

“Terminat hora diem- what utter nonsense I’m spouting. A pet affectation, at best.” Talking to fill the void has never been my art; but our resident expert has abandoned the attempt. His face turned to the wall, prayer beads slipping through his fingers. Quite dead to the world.

Perhaps Tuco’s only being reasonable, when the world’s gone so mad as this. I defied the laws of society, true; but I never thought to see them so madly cast aside.

“In days of peace, perhaps it was,” Father Paul says, gripping my shoulder with his sun-browned hand. His face has never acquired laugh lines like his brother’s; but that harsh and look seems only fitting now. “But these are not the first bad times the church has seen- we’ve learned how necessary it is, to salvage after disaster. For the sake of mind as well as spirit. Your Latin is a treasure to be shared out, not forgotten.”

“Just the same as your Spanish, in that case.” Tuco will never press the point, so I must perforce.

I don’t expect him to take it well, but the man’s a stoic after the best; not a swallow, not a flicker of self-regard. “You’re right. Though it’s been a long time, since I was Pablo Ramirez.”

“I’ll help you,” Tuco says eagerly, distracted from his empathy; and for that one bright look of eagerness, I think our resident prior would have made a harder sacrifice.

I would have done myself, if the chance was there; but Tuco’s known long since that I’d die readily enough to protect him from my errors.

And considering what we’ve already lost? What else is there to give?

******

“I knew before you told me,” Tuco says that night. Holding fast to me with more strength than wit.

A fragile lovemaking, this, and not properly deserving the name at all- nothing lofty and transformative, neither is it forgetful and cheerfully animal. My pareja has been talking incessantly now he’s found his voice again, proving his humanity every minute; and it is not how this should be but nothing is now.

“You heard it on the radio?” I’d been with Pablo when the news had come through, a lazily meaningless game of backgammon.

(Was this how superstitions began, in past centuries? For I can’t envision touching a backgammon board again with any pleasure.)

“No- no. I woke up from my siesta, and I saw Blondie standing by the window, smoking a cigarillo. He said to me, it’s finished. That’s all, but the way he said it! So much sadness in his voice… I hid beneath the covers. Then he was gone when I looked again.”

“You know he isn’t here, Tuco.” Fancy’s fancy, but fact is fact. Blondie’s not coming back this time. Won’t again walk through that door, covered in mud and exhausted from his camping trip, patiently resigned to Tuco’s lavish coddling and my own amused pleasure at his reappearance.

If I had kept up my old trade, all those contacts and lethal information at my fingertips, would he be alive now? Most likely not- an earlier grave for all us three, if I’m being honest with myself.

I wish to lie. I wish to berate myself with absurd scenarios in which we lived, whatever improbable unmarked path would have kept the three of us together. Now, that’s hardly more sensible-

“If I’d gone to him, maybe he’d be here,” Tuco says hoarsely, a dry sob sticking in his throat. “If I’d taken Blondie by the hand, if I hadn’t turned away-”

Thank a god I don’t believe in, that one of us is rational. “That’s nonsense and you know it.”

“I believe in miracles- Angel, do you know what a hellish thing it is, to believe? To think that if you’d only been holier, your faith might have been enough-”

he struggles with me then, roughly pushing his way out of my grasp, and I don’t dare stop him; it takes all my effort to keep old instincts from rising up. I might hurt him to the quick, if he caught me by surprise; and Tuco knows that well.

(That his native caution has so far deserted him, that’s a worse hurt than all the rest together. The world burning is its own affair; but my pareja is irreplaceable.)

(The more so, because Blondie wasn’t either.)

“I hate- I hate-” he’s crying now, at the foot of the bed; and it wrings my heart with a strange relief. He’ll be far more himself after such an outpouring, those quick sympathies and sudden rages of his.  

“That’s fair. Don’t berate yourself for that.”

“I hate how hungry I am.”

Rather the nonsequitur: but that’s easily remedied. It’s only a moment’s work to step out and pluck out a round, perfect orange. Listening all the time, if he should attempt something unfortunate in my absence.

But he’s not moved at all when I come back. Limp fingers won’t hold the offered sphere; I take it back, contemplating how to peel it. There’s a knife conveniently to hand, in the pocket of my neatly folded trousers.

I don’t think I could bring myself to commit even so small a violence, in Tuco’s presence. Not today. Better to take a cue from my innamorato, and tear it with my teeth- tough and rather bitter work, but doable-

Tuco’s fit looks more like a seizure than giggling; but giggling it nevertheless is. He sprawls across the quilts, close enough to touch again; I refrain until the spasming’s stopped. Then stroke him with slow careful strokes, the oil from my hands transferring to his flesh, staining him wherever I touch.

“Oh, Angel, don’t- don’t try to be him. It wouldn’t ever work.”

“That’s not what I-”

“It was a little.”

He hands me the knife; I finish quickly, putting aside the ravaged peel. Orange segments neat and unbroken, the way that Tuco prefers them. They sit on the bed, untouched.

“It occurs to me. That fruit bowl might hold the last oranges either of us will ever see.”

“Yeah, I thought of that too.”

For all his claim of appetite, his look at the fruit is uninterested at best. There’s more light in his eye when it falls on my body, still naked as his own- it’s very cold, this late. I draw the bedclothes over us, grasping for his warmth. We should have Blondie for this; and that small loss is a banality of almost unimaginable pettiness, but that does nothing to stop the odd tear dropping into Tuco’s curls.

“I mean I want to eat something, my belly’s empty. You’re here and I want to fuck you, and I want- I should be in mourning, shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t my heart be broken?”

My only comparable experience would be with my mentor; and she’d left such clear and precise instructions, a rigorous schedule to maintain, that I was left with no blank time for grieving. Blondie would never be so organised, as to provide a forthright message-

“If you have a joke, Angel, I think I could stand to hear it.”

“…it certainly would be ironic, if he’d won his wings for the sole purpose of consoling you.” There will be better times to point out the probability of his dreaming. Not tonight.

Tuco doesn’t laugh. He snorts.

“Like my partner was a saint- ha. No, he was human like me, and I’m glad of that too! You should have some of this orange, Angel, I think you’re getting light headed.”

“All right.” I sit up against the headboard, pull him upright with me. Carefully detach a single delicate segment with my bare hands, pop one end of it into my mouth. Palpitate it delicately to squeeze out the juice.

“You make that look pretty sexy…”

“Come and get it, then.”

The following could be described only as a mess.

Orange over the quilt, on my thigh, crushed against my teeth. A chunk of peel lodged jauntily behind Tuco’s ear, while juice drips down his mustache; he licks at it contentedly.

There’s waste to this, an extravagance that would seem rather contemptible to my mentor- and if she’d ever thought to mention what to do in case of apocalypse, I might have better notions, but the thought really hadn’t occurred. This time is already more grace than I’d know what to do with.

But I have not lain with my lovers for so many years, without letting their appreciation of softness bind to my sharp awareness of every moment. If he’s all I have left, I’ll have him and kiss him again-

(why, there won’t be any need to translate Spanish in bed, now-)

“God above, I’m glad to see this. Been scared to hell about you two.”

“…that’s Blondie, isn’t it?” Tuco remarks. Not turning his head.

“It is.”

“So he’s definitely there, it’s not just me.”

“Right.”

“But he wasn’t here this afternoon.”

“No?” Blondie says, looking quizzical. “I was still with Penny- it’s a lucky thing she had the plane all fueled up, we made it here on fumes. Or not even that, we kinda…crashed, actually. Not too badly. She’s clever that way.”

“Is all well?” If I allowed a bagatelle like being caught in flagrante with orange rind in my hair, by a man who has no business being anything but a ghost, to put me off my poise…it’d be a rather poor show.

“Sure! Sure. She’s waiting for me to come back with the van, so we can get all the cargo back here. I’ll have to talk to Father Paul about that, but I needed to see you two safe first-”

“I think I must be a terrible person,” Tuco says musingly, while I’m preoccupied with rediscovering every angle of my innamorato’s anatomy. Each familiar, and yet new as sunrise-

“Why?” we both chorus.

“That cargo- I guess we get to keep it, yeah?”

“Uh-huh,” Blondie agrees, between breathless kisses. (His rasping stubble is paining me, where the citric acid stings, and I would not trade the sensation for anything.) “What about it? I thought you’d be happy.”

“Oh, I don’t know. If I have you two…what kind of catastrophe is that, huh?”

“A bad one,” Blondie says mock-solemnly, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“A very bad one,” I agree, taking his hand.

“…it’s all the other people I feel bad for,” Tuco says gloomily, huddling between us. “Who aren’t lucky like me, you know? I mean, I’m the kind of person who- who gets killed in the first five minutes, that’s what, and then everybody else dies too, and it’s just- two blonds walk off to Eden in the sunset-”

“We’re not gonna let that happen,” Blondie insists. “You’re gonna make it through the same as us- aren’t we, Angel?”

It’s strange, really, that everything’s changed and yet nothing has at all.

“Of course.”

I drag the knife along my tongue, carefully cleaning it of acid. I may need it in future. Quite soon even, if there’s trouble on the road. 

But not, I think, just yet. 

Unfortunate Penny and her plane full of orange marmalade will simply have to wait.

[thunderingstormsart]

@fallenhero-rebirth

I finished these somewhat recently and I’m really not liking them, but I guess they’ll be my first post on my empty ass art blog. I can’t draw humans and there’s so many anatomy issues 😭but hey, I’m trying to learn so that’s something.

This is my Sidestep Dimitri Sol and his puppet Eden Moriah. Dimitri looks grumpy here but he’s actually a very playful jokester. Also, Dimitri’s face is entirely based on Liam Samuels but I might not have done a great job of replicating that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fallen Hero: Rebirth is my favorite Choice of Games book (my favorite piece of written fiction, in fact) and I’m deeply in love with the universe surrounding the story. I’ve followed it since it was first introduced on the COG WIP forum I think three years ago, and it has remained close to my heart since then. Dimitri has been such a dear character to me since I first played the demo for Rebirth.

Under the cut is a ridiculously long info dump about Dimitri. Warnings: Spoilers for Rebirth and the Retribution demo. Brief mentions of self-harm and panic attacks.

General:

Dimitri is a mixed race gay trans man. He’s charismatic and humorous, though how he presents himself depends on if he’s around people he trusts or not. Around strangers, he’s reserved, talks less, and tends to observe and watch everything and everyone around him. He’s a bit flighty around strangers as he honestly expects them to turn on him at any moment, whether in a violent way or not. Around people he trusts, he’s rather high-spirited and playful. He likes to tease people and get under their skin in a friendly way (even though some people, like Chen, don’t see this as friendly). He is an unintentional flirt with everyone and doesn’t even notice (which makes him a massive hypocrite because he gets extremely jealous and petty when Ortega does the same exact thing). However, someone expressing legitimate love and affection to him would completely fluster him. He turns into such an embarrassed mess. When he’s hurt or angry he attempts to use humor to mask it but sometimes the anger can lead to him making cruel and rude jokes in an attempt to hurt the person that hurt him. When he’s truly upset or has a panic attack he tends to curl up and hide himself away. Being in a small, hidden corner somewhere puts him at ease, especially if someone he trusts is with him and is holding him and helping calm him down.

As a tactician, he prefers to leave the front-line fighting to others. He’s more of a thinker and planner than a fighter.

He’s good with technology. He’s very creative and loves to tinker with tech. He’s a massive fucking nerd someone please beat him up.

He has the sugar vice and as such has a massive sweet tooth and finds sweet food very comforting. If he wasn’t poor and was actually willing to spend money on his own happiness he’d constantly buy sweets non-stop.

He agreed with Ortega that he should see a therapist and desperately hopes she can really help him. Even though he doesn’t have the suicidal Heartbreak scar and isn’t suicidal, he has self-harmed in the time after Heartbreak as a form of punishment, though this habit lessened after Ortega found him. He tends to forget to care for himself, such as not eating enough or sleeping adequately (though that particularly is more of a very conscious attempt to avoid his constant nightmares). Since meeting Ortega again, he has gotten somewhat better about taking care of himself. He’s poor and refuses to spend more than the bare minimum on himself, preferring to keep what money he has for Eden or his goals. This results in him neglecting himself.

He doesn’t understand why anyone would, or could, fall in love with him since he sees himself as unworthy of love. He views himself as a broken mess and a poor knock-off of a real human. It just confuses him how anyone can care about him in any positive way, friend or lover. Regardless, he is quite greedy and craves love and affection, affection-starved disaster that he is. Despite being paranoid about people touching him and finding out about his tattoos, he is BIG on physical contact. He’s incredibly tactile when he’s with someone he trusts (he and Ortega are two peas in a pod).

Relationships:

Ortega and Anathema were very close friends with Dimitri. The three were troublemakers and constantly terrorized the rest of the Rangers with their antics. Anathema’s death really hurt him and is the subject of many of his nightmares. He also blames himself for Anathema’s death. He viewed him like a big brother.

His close friendship with Ortega quickly turned into a romantic relationship. The two pick back up in Rebirth. Ortega sappily calls him “Mi Sol” (ironically, someone in the Fallen Hero Discord apparently also has a Sidestep that Ortega calls that because of their name). He will deny it to himself, but Ortega is the most important thing in his life and he can’t stop himself from loving him. He accidentally love triangled himself with Eden by being too much like his flirty self around Ortega whenever he’s Eden.

Since coming back, he has tried to get closer to Chen and really tries to help Chen get a better understanding of him. He does like to tease him, though (God help Chen when he discovers that he’s had a big crush on Ortega, the teasing will never end). He will end up in a polyamorous relationship with Ortega and Chen, once he and Chen stop being dumbass gay disasters with each other. Ortega is already done with their inability to communicate like functioning humans.

Dimitri respects Argent as a powerful and intelligent fighter. She may not think much of him yet but they can probably bond in their love of sweet food and their habit of stealing everyone else’s food. His flirty nature got Argent to crush on his villain persona, which confused his gay ass.

The way Herald treats him confuses him, particularly his genuinely nice disposition towards him and his admiration for him, not to mention poor Herald’s crush. He trains him to be a better hero (honestly Herald, you are embarrassingly easy to beat up) and he is finding himself actually liking the kid. He has like a hundred nicknames for Herald (Barold is probably his favorite) and loves to fluster him. It’s amusing to see how embarrassed he can make him.

He and Dr. Mortum have a close relationship and Dimitri considers him a close friend. Around Mortum, he’s much more natural and true to himself, which shocks him as he didn’t expect to like Mortum this much. He loves to nerd out with Mortum in his lab.

Yes, he has flirted with all of the Rangers and Dr. Mortum (and will flirt with any other characters if it’s an option). Please stop him, he doesn’t even mean to do it most of the time.

He does his best to be respectful of Eden’s body as he still sees him as a person, albeit one that won’t wake up, as opposed to an empty shell or a tool. Eden’s body simultaneously relieves his dysphoria and worsens it. While it makes him feel good to be in a body that isn’t branded as nonhuman and better fits how he sees himself, it also reminds him that he can’t ever really be like that. That he can’t ever get rid of his tattoos and likely won’t get an opportunity to surgically transition. Regardless, he does like the freedom that Eden’s body gives him that he just doesn’t have in his own body. As Eden, he more often than not is exactly like he usually is as Dimitri but with much more confidence and without the self-hatred, anxiety, and paranoia. How he is as Eden is essentially how he’d be if the Farm didn’t fuck his mental health.

Villainy:

Dimitri sees his fall into villainy as inevitable and uncontrollable. He has convinced himself that his friends would only try to stop him and that being a villain is the only way he can accomplish his goals. Additionally, he hates that he can’t stop himself yet he continues down the path of villainy as a form of subconscious self-punishment.

He named his villain persona Revenant as he has come back from the dead, in the eyes of his friends but also since he escaped the Farm, which he views as a real Hell on Earth. The Farm may have tried to kill who he is but he still clawed his way back out. I chose the name Revenant because of that and because the “Re” prefix fits the naming scheme of the series and cause he’s a Re-Gene. We hoard all the “Re”s in this household.

He chose the mysterious armor style and has the speed and telepathy upgrades. He’s very a speedy and sneaky fighter. Since Dimitri loves the drama of a cape, he chose to have a hooded cape.

He’s not a particularly good villain as he won’t kill people, excluding anyone associated with the Farm, and actually enjoys helping and saving people. Still, he couldn’t do what needs to be done as a hero or a vigilante so being a villain is his only option.

Ortega is suspicious of Revenant because he fought him like he personally knew him and was hesitant to finish him off or severely hurt him.

He’s on the anarchist path and aims to destroy the power structure of the corrupted government.

Dimitri has the revenge Heartbreak scar and will do anything to destroy the Farm. As stated before, he will eagerly break his no kill/harm rule to get back at anyone associated with the Farm. He would be incredibly violent and draw out their pain, taking a sick pleasure in torturing them. Deep down, that sadistic side of him would honestly terrify him but he would try to convince himself that anyone that helps the Farm deserves it.

On a lighter note, Dimitri sees his fellow Re-Genes as his siblings and family. He wants them to be able to have the freedom to be individuals and people. If he had to choose between helping his fellow Re-Genes or getting revenge on the Farm, he would instantly save his siblings, as much as it would crush him to not get back at the Farm.

Fun facts:

Dimitri has a guitar pick on a leather cord that he wears around his neck. The pick was a gift from Ortega sometime after they started dating. Ortega gave the pick to him for Valentines Day after playing a song for him and said “I pick you,” which flustered the hell out of Dimitri but touched him nonetheless. He left the necklace behind in Ortega’s home with the rest of his non-mission stuff during the Heartbreak fiasco. Ortega kept it and wore it after Dimitri’s “death”. It was a major comfort item for him. He gave it back to Dimitri when he came back.

He’s 6′ 1″. Ortega teases him since he’s one inch shorter than him and it absolutely bothers him enough to make him wear heeled boots so he can be taller. Eden is 5′ even and it absolutely drives Dimitri mad. Being so short hurts his brain. His villain suit makes him much taller at 6′ 9″, seeing the taller Rangers being so short makes him extremely happy.

He really liked Anathema’s piercings and was always curious about them when he first met him. After he expressed an interest in getting pierced, Anathema went with him to get pierced and he got a helix piercing in his right ear, a lobe piercing in his left ear, and a tongue piercing. After he gets top surgery he’ll get a ring piercing in his right nipple. 

Eventually, he’ll get a blue lightning bolt tattooed on the back of his neck for Ortega. If Ortega can finally commit to a tattoo, he might get a sun for Dimitri on the back of his neck. Who needs wedding rings when you can have ink beneath your skin dedicated to your significant other? Chen doesn’t seem the type to get tattooed and I can’t figure out anything to represent him so he’s left out of this headcanon for now >:T

Blue is his favorite color. It’s the color he chose for his suit as Sidestep, is the color Ortega and the Rangers use (blue being associated with his friends), and is the opposite color of his tattoos. It’s a color that brought him a lot of happiness. On the other hand, orange is his least favorite color. He hates it. It’s a bad reminder of his tattoos. As such, he’s grown to instinctively hate the color.

[violet-fire-cat]

Okay! You wanted to see more of my lumian ocs? Well most of you probably didn't but @cyanidas seemed too and I've never really drawn this lot properly so it made a good excuse. But yeah, here's Xeph's family! His three siblings, and his parents. Xeph's the oldest, he's just short x) Well, for a lumian he is, the others are all over six foot, or close too it, whilst Xeph's only about 5ft7. He's smol in comparison. Plus I messed up his anatomy a little so he looks shorter than he probably should but oh well!

I don't really have names for his parents over on the far left, but his siblings do have names! To the left of Xeph, is Ryul, and then on the right is Luzana and Enylnn, the twins. Below the read more is, well, some info about this lot, and some more of my lumian headcanons, Cy said that I should just write as much as I want, and that's something I can do, so, yeah, massive info-dump below the cut, enjoy I guess if you're willing to read it x)

I have five more lumians that I'm going to draw too? Well, four and a half. So watch out for those as well! :D

Okay so, where to start? x) Well, i think a good thing to start with is that my lumian's home planet is called Lumi. A very technologically advanced and vibrant planet, the majority of the life there glows just like the lumians themselves do! It's quite a dark planet, fairly distant from it's stars (yes, stars, it's in binary star system), but it's climate is still rather temperate in most places, and filled with lush forests where there aren't cities and towns. Rainstorms are common for much of the planet, snow is very rare, except in the coldest regions, which aren’t really inhabited. They have ways of regulating the weather in big city areas though. Keeping rain and other bad weather out and maintaining a steady temperature. This made adjusting to Minecraftian weather rather tricky for Xeph and Will. 

One year on Lumi is roughly the same as about 3 or so years on Minecraftia/Earth. Lumi’s orbit isn’t much bigger than Minecraftia’s but it moves slower, which results in it taking longer to make it’s way around the stars. Lumian’s live for a very long time, their lifespan is easily double if not triple that of the average humans. Which, does, sadly, mean that Xeph and Will outlive the majority of their friends on Minecraftia. 

Despite how long they live though, lumian’s are quite fragile compared to humans. Without the advanced medical tech of their home planet, an injury that would take a few days to heal on a human, could take a week or more for Xeph or Will, which annoys them, but if nothing else it prompts them to be more careful. Healing magic has limited success when used on them, only the most powerful of spells with have a great effect. And healing and regeneration potions make them sick, so they can’t drink them without promptly throwing it back up again.

The next important thing is probably that my lumians are a single-sexed, genderless/androgynous race. Meaning that they don't have male and female like humans do, so I will be referring to all my lumian ocs with they/them pronouns, since they've had no exposure to human ideas of gender. And masculine and feminine terms and pronouns don't even really exist in the Lumian language! Xeph and Will choose to ID as male and use he/him pronouns once they're living on Minecraftia, as that's what they prefer when it comes to the human language and how they view gender and such, though generally they're not too fussed by it.

Okay, what stuff applies to the Brindley's here. Hm. What about some societal stuff? That's pretty important with Xeph's family actually.

In the big Central Hub cities where Xeph (and Will) grew up, social standing is very much tied to the colour of your eyes and blood. Lumian eye colours are incredibly varied, they can be pretty much any colour! A lumian’s blood colour matches that of their eyes, though is usually a few shades darker. When healthy, a lumian’s blood will glow slightly too.

The colours are usually split into three groups though, which in those big cities are often used to describe a person, and are very much linked to social status; Primary Blood (red, blue, yellow), Secondary Blood (orange, green, purple, pink), and Other/Muddy Blood (browns, greys, particularly dark shades of any colour really).

Unfortunately, Lumi isn't the futuristic paradise Xeph's friends seem to want to think it is, at least, not where Xeph and Will grew up. It's not uncommon for an individual to be treated differently by their peers purely because of the colour of their eyes. This came about after a relatively recent event, that is now just outside of living memory. But it has been around long enough, and has become so ingrained into these city-dwellers lives, that there's a distinct pattern amongst the groups in the cities, and it's unlikely to go away any time soon.

Primaries are often wealthier, but have a bad reputation amongst other groups for mistreating them and using them. Secondaries are mostly middle-class, darker colours are often warier of them, though perhaps not as much as Primaries, many Secondaries are treated roughly by Primaries, some are mistreated if their colour is too close to a Primary, but still noticeably Secondary. Lumian's with brown or similar coloured eyes, are often treated quite badly by higher groups, especially Primaries, lower-class lumians in cities. They generally live in smaller towns, where they're often much better off, as the majority of the discrimination takes place in these bigger city areas. Especially the Central Hub cities (which is made up of the biggest cities on Lumi, including the main Capital). Away from these cities, you'll find considerably less, if any, of this blood colour discrimination, and lumians, regardless of blood colour, can generally work together without any hassle.

Unlike humans, lumian’s really do not care about what colour someones skin is. The only part of someone’s appearance that is deemed even remotely important by most, is the colour of their eyes.

Xeph, from a young age, realised that treating other lumians different because of the colour of their eyes was stupid! And despite his parents efforts, stuck with that ideal. Whilst living on Lumi, he did his best to be nice to people that most others of his blood colour would mistreat. He's perfectly aware that he has Primary Privilege though, that he can get away with things purely because he's blue. And that people will treat him differently, for better or worse, because he's blue. And he hates it. But there's not much he can do about it, as much as he wishes he could.

Will knew from a young age that he wanted to run a business! But his family was worried about that right from the start. It's very much an industry run by Primary blooded lumians, especially in these big cities. And they didn't want the baby of their family to get bullied by cruel Primaries! Will was determined though, and never let anything stop him from doing what he wanted to do. Early on, he did have to deal with a lot of lumians looking down at him or not taking him seriously, purely because he was a young green. But he built up his reputation, and is now fairly well-respected on Lumi.

A little about Xeph's family?

Xeph comes from a rather wealthy, Primary upper-class family. His parents are a very strict pair, and they're both very typical Primaries in that they have no interest in, and will gladly mistreat, lumians of other 'lower' colours, purely because of the colour of their eyes. They always wanted their eldest to find a nice blue lumian and settle down with them, so they were unsurprisingly unhappy when Xeph settled with a green he met at university.

Xephos is, well you all know who he is. He's the oldest of the Brindley kids, protective big brother. He gets along pretty well with all three siblings, but doesn't get along with his parents, and never really has done. He doesn't hate them, but he does dislike their attitude towards the world and how other lumian's should be treated. Xeph studied chemistry and technology at university, where he met Will, before joining the Lumian Military as an engineer a little while after his graduation. He loved the job, getting to travel through the stars was a dream come true for him, and he was doing very well. Until his ship crashed, and his life on Minecraftia begun.

Ryul (Rye-ul), or just Ry for short, is about two years younger than Xeph. They're a bit of a joker, playful and energetic, but do sometimes miss when they should calm down and be more serious. They've always been rather close to Xeph, and there only being a couple of years between them probably helped with that. They’re very tall and skinny, even for a lumian they’re tall, especially for a digitigrade lumian, who are usually shorter. They like to tease their siblings, especially Xeph, since they’re all shorter than them. They don’t mean any harm though, just messing around.

Ryul loves to travel, whenever the family went away somewhere when the kids were young, Ryul was thrilled and excited by it! Though now they’re an adult, their parents wish they’d just settle down. There’s a lot to see on Lumi though, and not many city-dwelling lumian’s really travel far from their home cities to see what else is out there, not unless they have too anyway. Ryul however, wants to see the world! And they travel around with their partner, and any friends they can convince to go with them, visiting different cities and enjoying themselves. 

When Xephos’ ship crashed, and he was believed dead. The Lumian Military informed Xephos’ parents, rather than Will, who was his partner at the time, about what had happened. Xeph’s parents didn’t like Will, had never liked him and thought that their eldest deserved much better than some green who got lucky. If they’d had their way, they would never have told Will what had happened to Xephos. But Xeph’s siblings did like Will, and they did want him to know what happened, rather than leaving him to think that Xephos had simply disappeared. But it took a long time for them to be able to tell him. Eventually though, Ryul managed to get the message across to Strife, who didn’t believe it at first, but was, of course, devastated once he realised that Ryul was telling the truth. He was angry that he hadn’t been told though, and had showed up at Xeph’s parents house and shouted at them for not telling him sooner, for trying to hide it from him..

Luzana (Lu-zar-na), or just Zana, and Enlynn (En-Lin), or Enny, are about six years younger than Xeph, and are identical twins. Though in personality, they’re fairly different. Luzana is quite calm and mellow, compared to their siblings, whilst Enylnn is rather hyper, cheerful and a bit silly. They both get along with their older siblings pretty well, despite the age gap, though Enylnn is perhaps a little closer to Ryul than Xephos, since their shared hyperactivity goes together well- or at least, it does to them, maybe not to everyone else.

Enylnn loves tech and computers, gadgetry fascinates them! They very much share this love with Xephos, and the two of them could very easily chat about tech for hours if you let them. Luzana on the other hand, loves fashion and design. And is very good with makeup- though some of that is thanks to Xephos teaching them when they were younger. This gives me an excuse to talk about clothing, but then I’ll wrap this up x)

Clothing on Lumi, or at least in the cities where Xeph and Will grew up, isn’t massively complex or fancy. What you see here is a pretty good set of examples of what city-dwellers are likely to wear. Slim-fitting, high collars, dark colours, covering all but their faces, hands, toes, and tails. Lumian’s are very private people usually, no showing skin in public! Well, unless you’re like, going to a night club or something, then you can get away with something a bit more revealing. (But even then, it’s often no more than shorter sleeves, lower neckline, simple stuff like that. No short shorts here!)

Some lumian’s do wear lighter colours though, Luzana kinda prefers pale colours to the darker shades that most other lumians wear. Darker shades are more common though, since lumian beauty is as focused on the eyes and freckles and their colour and glow as the rest of their society, and darker clothes help to make bright glowing eyes stand out- or at least, that’s the idea.

Metal jewellery worn on the ears, fingers and tails to those that have them (though in this styling I leave tail-rings out for the most part) is very common too. Most of the time the only lumians that won’t wear jewellery are those that simply can’t afford it. Earrings that match the colour of an individuals eyes are common, and many also wear an earring matching their partners colour. Most are silver or gold though, once again, worn to show off a lumians eyes and freckles. Reflecting their glow, and seeming to sparkle.

Lumian’s wear makeup too, it’s very common, though it’s usually only worn around the eyes, not wanting to cover and hide freckles. Darker shades of their eye colour are what is usually worn, making their glowing eyes stand out. Glitter is common in makeup too, as it adds a little extra sparkle around their eyes when the light reflects off of it. Xeph and Will would often do each others makeup before going out of an evening, Xeph had quite a talent for it, and helped to get Luzana into makeup and fashion when they were young. Nail polish is common too, city-dwellers generally keep their claws trimmed and blunt, since keeping them sharp isn’t needed, so they can have them unsheathed without risking hurting anyone, and lots of lumians will wear sparkly or even luminescent nail polish on their claws, though the latter is a little more common amongst young lumians out partying and the like.

The majority of city-dwelling lumians keep their hair short, they’ll style it however they want, but it’s rare for them to grow it out very long. Most lumian’s can grow facial hair, but for the most part it’s only older lumian’s who grow it out at all, and even then, anything more than scruff or stubble is fairly uncommon. Xeph and Ryul are younger but still have a bit of scruff going on. Though that’s only really ‘cos Xeph’s a rebel and Ry’s a mess. x)

Okay- okay I’m gonna stop now. I think that’s everything I wanted to write here and more? Might have missed something, oh well. Will add it to the next one x) There will be two more posts like this, my lumian OCs for Cy to see, plus headcanons and shit. If you have questions about anything, be it related to this or some other headcanon thing, feel free to drop them in my ask box! Seriously, I love having a reason to talk about my headcanons! :D But yeah, that’s this. Sorry that it got so long, but it was fun to draw this and write all of this out! So that’s something at least x) ><

[shmosnet2]

Critics’ Claws Are Out for ‘Cats’: A Roundup of Reviews

Critics’ Claws Are Out for ‘Cats’: A Roundup of Reviews

The trailer sent shock waves through the internet this summer. Now that they’ve seen it, what do critics have to say about the new big-screen adaptation?

Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger in “Cats.”Credit...Universal Pictures, via Associated Press When the first “Cats” trailer dropped in July, the internet convulsed with revulsion and awe. People were unprepared for the digital fur technology that was unleashed in the two-minute spectacle. “If this messed up world doesn’t kill us first, ‘Cats’ will clearly finish the job when it opens on Dec. 20,” Garrett Martin of Paste Magazine wrote. And with the release of the film this week, a similar tide of panic, confusion and anger has flooded the American psyche — or at least the psyches of those who have been exposed to the feature-length film that some fear they cannot unsee. As of Thursday night, the movie had a 34 on the film review site Metacritic, a score based on the generally unfavorable reviews of 43 critics. It registered at 20 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, which offered this bit of punditry: “Despite its fur-midable cast, this ‘Cats’ adaptation is a clawful mistake that will leave most viewers begging to be put out of their mew-sery.” Critics have complained that the stress of viewing the movie has triggered migraines and the urge to throw shoes at the screen. And yet, others have found they can’t look away. Alex Cranz of Gizmodo said she saw sights no human should see: “I have been processing this movie for the last 24 hours trying to understand anything as terrifying and visceral a train wreck as ‘Cats.’ You have to see ‘Cats.’” The New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis said that “a doctoral thesis could be written on how this misfire sputtered into existence, though there’s nothing new about the movies’ energetic embrace of bad taste.” Among the many deliciously catty lines in her review — please read it here — was a description of Judi Dench’s Old Deuteronomy as “a Yoda-esque fluff ball with a huge ruff who brings to mind the Cowardly Lion en route to a drag ball as Queen Elizabeth I.” The claws are out across the internet. We’ve gathered a few of the sharpest lines for your reading pleasure.

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From left, Danny Collins as Mungojerrie, Taylor Swift as Bombalurina and Naoimh Morgan as Rumpleteazer.Credit...Universal Pictures Better Left Onstage Was adapting Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Tony Award-winning musical, which enjoyed decades of fame and profit around the world, a mistake? For many, the answer was yes. “‘Cats’ turns the most vacuous stage musical of the 1980s into a big-screen litter box for the hammiest of stars to unload into,” Peter Howell of The Toronto Star wrote. The headline of his one-and-a-half-star review: ‘Cats’ is a dog — a big, dumb, loud one.” The original stage show was marketed as a musical for the masses, Kevin Fallon noted in a critique for The Daily Beast. “Because it is legitimately insane, it made an entire generation of people think they hated musical theater. Wait ’til they see this movie!”

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Idris Elba as Macavity, left, and Francesca Hayward as Victoria.Credit...Universal Pictures, via Associated Press ‘A Horror and an Endurance Test’ Among the chief complaints about “Cats” — the stage musical as well as the film — is the lack of a story line. Justin Chang of The Los Angeles Times described it as “a movie in which making sense was the very last priority” and summed up the plot as “Les Meowsérables.” He continued: For the most part, “Cats” is both a horror and an endurance test, a dispatch from some neon-drenched netherworld where the ghastly is inextricable from the tedious. Every so often it does paws — ahem, pause — to rise to the level of a self-aware hoot. “Unless you’re on strong mind-altering substances while you’re watching the film, you will either be baffled or bored by this pseudo-religious nonsense,” Nicholas Barber of the BBC wrote in his two-star review. Peter Debruge, Variety’s chief film critic, said the director Tom Hooper’s “outlandishly tacky interpretation seems destined to become one of those once-in-a-blue-moon embarrassments that mars the résumés of great actors” and “trips up the careers of promising newcomers.” What’s Up With the Fur? One of the main draws of the film was supposedly the special effects to crossbreed feline and human anatomies using a technique called “digital fur technology.” The effects, however, have been most kindly described as “creepy.” “Millions of dollars and thousands of hours have been sunk into making the cats in ‘Cats’ look like hypertrichotic mutants from the Uncanny Valley Of Dr. Moreau, with tails and furry faces and hairless human fingers and toes,” Ignatiy Vishnevetsky wrote for The AV Club. “Their proportions in relation to the sets seem all wrong.” David Rooney of The Hollywood Reporter offered this reminder to those who watched the trailer: If you recoiled back then at the sight of British acting royalty with their faces stuck onto little furry bodies, or even just the jarring image of cats with human breasts, chances are you’ll still be covering your eyes and peering in a profoundly disturbed state through the gaps between your fingers at the finished film. At least until boredom sets in. Not Safe for Children “Anyone who takes small children to this movie is setting them up for winged-monkey levels of night terrors,” Ty Burr of The Boston Globe wrote. “I truly believe our divided nation can be healed and brought together as one by ‘Cats’ — the musical, the movie, the disaster,” he said. “In other news, my eyes are burning. Oh God, my eyes.” Matt Goldberg, writing for Collider, nodded to the onscreen sexual tension: But if it wasn’t enough to make the cats horny (why are they so horny), Hooper also feels the need to make it gross by having them dig through trash and play up their animal instincts. “Cats” always feels like it’s two seconds away from turning into a furry orgy in a dumpster. That’s the energy you have to sit with for almost two hours. Slate’s headline was succinct: “The ‘Cats’ Movie Is a Void of Horny Confusion.” Put It Out of Its Misery Tyler Coates of Wired said the film was “awful”: It has been a while since a big-budget, star-packed studio film has felt like such a disaster from start to finish. Befuddling, confusing, deeply ugly, and incredibly un-fun, I surely won’t be the only critic to recommend ‘Cats’ be put down immediately. What has for decades been something of a pop culture joke is now an even more wackadoo entertainment event. It’s almost as if Hooper and company were tasked with making the worst movie they could conceive of, that it was one epic troll — that could be the nicest thing I could say about it, that they have achieved something. ‘Not That Bad!’ “I realize that critique won’t be used in Cats’ advertising campaign,” Mara Reinstein of Us Weekly wrote. “But the musical does indeed have its merits — and is not nearly as disastrous as you feared.” Richard Lawson of Vanity Fair also showed mercy and described the film as “an ugly stray who smells bad and should not be invited into your home, certainly.” “And yet it is its own kind of living creature, worthy of at least some basic compassion.”

https://ift.tt/34Kq2g2 . Foreign Articles December 20, 2019 at 03:45PM

[todokori-kun]

The

 queen is back and I’m so freaking happy <3

‘annoyed’ nothing you say is annoying ok, I’m actually just really relieved and happy that I’m helping in any way at all. Also you listen to my rambling all the time and you supported me with my anxiety (you have no idea how much our convos helped after I first saw a doctor about it and was feeling really confused about what to do) so ‘what did I do to deserve you’ is probably what I should be saying to you.

Tbh when things are as serious as you’ve described then you’re definitely not overreacting. Like I said before, I’m always ready to listen/talk when you need to. And you don’t have to stress about replies; I honestly don’t mind at all as long as you’re ok.

Thank you Queen Luna you’re the best ;-;

Also, good news and bad news:

Bad news- A bit after I sent the last message mom apparently found out about Tumblr and decided that I probably shouldn’t get an account here because of all the NSFW content. I get why she’s worried so I guess I won’t be getting an account here for a while.

Good news- HOWEVER, I was chatting with someone on ao3 and they asked if we could move our convo somewhere else. They recommended something called Discord so I got an account there. If you’ve never heard of Discord it’s basically a voice and text chat system usually used by gamers, but it seems to be pretty popular among non-gamers too. PMing is possible there :D (The only flaw is that you can’t send very long messages, so you have to send multiple short ones, which is a bit annoying…but otherwise it’s pretty neat so maybe we can try it if you’re ok with that?)

XD yeah that’s actually pretty accurate.

*reads Luna’s message*

*inhale*

UM. DO YOU HAvE ANY IDEA HOW AMAZING YOU ARE. LET ME TRY TO BE A GOOD, SUPPORTIVE FRIEND AND TELL YOU

Yep it was one of the grossest things that ever happened to me OTL I’m still swimming but I’m taking a long break right now- a break that started because my little sister broke her toe and we were basically stuck at home taking care of her (the pool is a bit far for me to go on my own so if mom’s stuck at home so am I), and then got longer because the pool’s old and some things had to be ‘fixed’, and then got even longer because my coach is getting married (just reread that and realized that I sound super annoyed, I’m actually not, I have no problem with my coach getting married XD). I’ll probably start again around next month, though :)

Thanks ^^

Oooh are you a comic fan??? I haven’t read any superhero comics because there seem to be so many AUs(?)/different timelines so trying to figure out where to start is really confusing, plus I actually sorta prefer manga/manhwa art styles (not that wester comics are bad- a lot of them have really good art too, I just personally prefer the manga/manhwa styles (especially for the panels). Also the ecchi-ish costumes/anatomy for almost every single female superhero gets a bit ridiculous sometimes lol). Some of them seem really fun, though, and I’d like to try them out someday…

It’s really cool that you’ve been a fan of T'challa for so long, it must’ve been even more exciting to see him in the movie :D

Imagine everyone watching The Winter Soldier together. Then the  'brainwashed bucky’ scenes start.

Illumi: *stares intently at the screen*

Illumi: I see no problem with this.

Watching Civil War and Leorio goes Dad Mode and covers Gon’s and Killua’s eyes when Hisoka starts making…innappropriate…noises during the fight scenes

(Hisoka low-key writing reader insert lemons about various MCU heroes. Most likely Natasha (because she’s a lot like Machi, his only female crush so far), Bruce (how Hisoka would love to unleash the beast), Thor (he’s a literal GOD imagine how badly he could mess Hisoka up *schwing*), Wanda, and Vision (he probably liked Loki too before Loki got beat up by the Hulk and Hisoka was like ‘oh I have a new senpai’)

Then Illumi gets Milluki (his tech genius little brother) to hack into Hisoka’s computer for info and is like 'what is this Hisoka I do not understand why you derive pleasure from this trash’)

Everyone thinks Gon should relate to Tony on a personal level but he doesn’t, because despite being a sunshine angel he’s also a freaking weird kid who doesn’t hate Ging. At all. (Though that might have something to do with the fact that he doesn’t even consider Ging his parent in the first place; he never even calls him 'dad’ or 'my father’)

Killua, on the other hand, relates to Bucky a bit too much and thinks HYDRA is basically the Zoldyck family.

Everybody’s Team Cap except for Illumi, who’s Team Iron Man (“Why would you want to break the rules?”), and then Hisoka randomly shows up like 'Team Hulk ;)’

Every time Howard Stark is mentioned everyone just stares at Ging, who shifts uncomfortably

(Yeah did I tell you about the time Leorio punched Ging for being a trash dad?)

OMG. Thank you for that. I’ve seen a lot of 'Hisoka as the clown from the 'It’ movie’ posts on tumblr but never any fanart for that idea. Run, Gon. Run.

I’m considering teaching myself to animate just to make those animatics XD

(Also, random thing: it’s Chuseok over here (basically like the Korean version of Thanksgiving, I guess?) and usually, people recieve money from older relatives during holidays like this in Korea. I got about 80 dollars (50 from my maternal grandparents, 10 from my paternal grandfather and 20 from my uncle) so I’m debating on what to spend it on: It’s either a tablet so I can learn how to do digital art (I’m thinking about polishing my drawing skills for a while and then making a webcomic. My parents support this so they’re willing to pay a little extra for a tablet) or a ukulele (I like the piano but I realized a while ago that it’d be great to have an instrument that I can carry around, so I did some research and the ukulele seems good. I really like the sound so I’m willing to put some effort into learning it). Idk which one I should choose, though. Technically the tablet should be my priority but I also like the ukulele…

(and idek why I mentioned this either, guess the talk about animating reminded me of the tablet lol))

I thrive on angst. Tragedy fuels me. (But tbh HxH is a LOT darker than I was prepared for. I’m currently shipping an ant king with a genius human girl and I know from spoilers that they’re both going to die)

Yeah, she’s alive :D but apparently Kaneki is now 'dead’ (though I don’t think he is really, if Ishida kills him off now (after all the stuff with Hide? All the character development Ken hasn’t gotten yet? When he still hasn’t talked about anything with Shuu or Hinami or even Akira?) and gives us a new protagonist or something I might finally rage-quit this series.

Or not, since with all the Touken stuff and Kaneki being sorta insensitive ever since he became the OEK…maybe a new protagonist is what we need?). I was liking all the parallels with Arima in the first series until this, because it was just…um. I think my main problem with the whole thing is the freakng PACING because it just feels so clunky and awkward. This is probably one of those chapters that will be really good if Ishida somehow manages to connect it with the next chapters and has everything make sense later, but if he doesn’t do it well it’s going to suck forever OTL

At least TG finally confirmed Naki’s death, though. I mean, the ideal situation for me is if he never died in the first place, but at least a confirmed death is better than Ishida suddenly bringing him back to life after that panel with Yamori. And his death scene was handled well. (Now please just tell me that he, Kanae and Hairu aren’t coming back as Kanou-Furuta zombies and I will be semi-satisfied)

Also AOT if you haven’t read the new chapter yet spoilers but

(The-Reiner-Eren reunion I HAVE WAITED SO. LONG FOR THIS

Also Eren’s grandad ;-;

And maybe we’ll finally be seeing Annie again soon since she’s been appearing in so many flashbacks and Reiner’s probably going to ask about her if he and Eren get to actually talk

Love those hints about something finally starting to change

ANOTHER PERSON FROM MIKASA’S CLAN? I hope we see this lady again, she’s lovely

I can’t believe how much the art has improved, it actually looks GOOD now 0.0)

Aw, that’s ok! I’ll be looking forward to seeing it when you get a new skirt :D

Yeah, I’m really excited for OC’s name too…must be something important if they’re keeping it hidden for this long. I guess it’s French (or a word from some other non-English language) since 'Ciel’ is French for 'Sky’…and it probably has a meaning related to the sky since they’re twins. Idk. Maybe it’s the word for 'star’ ('etoile’) since stars are also a big thing in this arc?

Looking forward to your reaction! I haven’t read the novel yet but from what I know it sounds great :D (also I cannot resist the L + Naomi duo even if they never actually interacted in manga/anime canon)

Btw, is it ok if I ask how far you’ve gotten with the DN anime?

(Also fun fact: Ryuk was originally designed to look like a handsome young man (an 'attractive rock star’, in the words of DN’s creators. You can find a pic of his original design on google). His design was changed because the creators felt like he was overshadowing Light XD

But also, I just found a post on tumblr that said Takeshi Obata (DN’s artist) mentioned that Ryuk’s face in canon could just be a mask to hide his true appearance…which means that he could technically still look like that in canon. Wow. I actually think I have the book where it says Obata mentioned that, I have to go and check it now lol)

Watch it if you dare and prepare to weep over all the wasted potential, because now that I read/watch more about it I guess the saddest thing is that it COULD have been great. I mean, like I said, the visuals are REALLY good, L’s actor could have been a good L if not for the bad script, Ryuk’s actor/design were also super great (it’s just his role in the movie and his motivations they messed up ;-;)…

I don’t watch Avatar (I’d like to when I have the time, though, because it seems like a great show) but I’ve heard of that movie and tbh I can’t even.

Ty :D (Ayy the queen said I’d make a cute Peridot *fangirls*

You’re also my closest friend right now and I love talking to you so much <3 thank you for everything Luna.)

See this is why you’re awesome. Thank you so much ;-; (and what, did Queen Luna mention me to her parents. Did I make a good impression. Omg. (jk, jk lol))

Also: I’d like to rec a song to you, it’s called 'Lovely’ by Twenty One Pilots :D

Oh look I actually replied within a week :’)

OK ILL START W DISORD BC IM EXCITE. I already have one, from a while ago, my # is 5773! So add me whenever you want ^^ ((But please just send me a short message here, cause I turned notifs off for it, so i can turn them on again ^^)) Well, uh, here’s the thing about short messages.  If a site/app has an instant message feature, you can bet I’ll be the one to split a sentence into 10 separate messages for dramatic effect… So, uh, prepare to have 42 new messages instead of like 4 waiting when you open the app ^^

I never ever ever have any problems with listening to you. I just appreciate you’re comfortable enough with me to be able to come to me. Honestly, I truly appreciate you in my life, especially considering that you can always reassure me with your words ^^ Truly a writer’s talent :p

Well, I’m going to a psychologist soon, so we’ll see what they’ll say. Idk tho, I dont think I even care anymore. I just want this stomach thing to pass as soon as possible.

Ouch, I hope your sister is better now… I’ve never broken anything so I wouldn’t know the feeling. Aww, coaches getting married is actually the cutest thing ever XD My archery coach got married a few years back and she was practically glowing.  Ah, if you don’t mind me asking, do you have a particular stroke you specialise in or do you just swim everything? 

I could say the same about comic/manga styles. Tbh, I don’t really consider myself a comic fan? When I was a kid, I used to buy the children’s comics to ward off boredom, but never really continued after I got into reading actual books. Black Panther happened to be among those comics and I remembered him when they mentioned T’Challa in CW. I wonder if i still have those old comics somewhere… But yeah, i was pretty excited when they mentioned him XD

That viewing actually sounds amazing… I get the feeling they’d all want to do an in depth analyzation of the characters? (But idk i don’t really know the characters that well) except for Hisoka, who’s probably just schwinging around being creepy per usual. I’m torn between wanting to read those lemons and just backing the fuck away…. Probably read like a paragraph and then set everything on fire. Yeah, that sounds good. 

I presume you’re not gonna watch IT? Random, but i thought of it bc of the fanart… Tbh I won’t watch it either. I’ve never watched a single horror movie in my life and i intend to keep it that way. Unless you count Coraline as horror, which I actually would in some ways? Idk tho, that movie traumatised me. Not even joking when I say I occasionally have nightmares related to it. Advice; if you haven’t, DO NOT WATCH CORALINE. Don’t be fooled by the fact that it’s a cartoon. I mean 9 is a cartoon, but it’s also freaking dark. HAPPY TREE FRIENDS IS A CARTOON AND I WOULDNT TOUCH THE VIDEOS WITH A 9 FOOT POLE.  Long story short, cartoons are not a joke.

For some reason I confused the Ukulele with a Lute and was like ‘I’m not gonna judge, but… why?’ then i actually googled it and realised I’m an idiot.  But, um, I can’t say anything other than it’s your choice and you should do whatever would make you happier? There’s that trick of throwing a penny in the air and if you’re disappointed when it lands heads/tails, you know you want the other one. Idk, tho, both options sound equally nice!

… HxH gets weirder every time you tell me about it

KANEKI IS WHAT NOW Um, okay then.... alrighty...

guess who dropped TG again

WELL FUCK IM SCREAMING ABOUT THE NEW CHAPTER WHOAH EREN’T GRAMPA WHOAH THE REUNION However, the best part is Reiner acting like a dad during the festival

Oooh Etoile would be interesting!

I’m still at the ep where L dies ;-; I haven’t had the time to move forward, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to watch some during this weekend

Well, uh. My mom came into my room while I was writing this and had to ask me why i was crying (I’m pretty sure she thought I was having one of my all-time-lows again). The reason why I was actually crying? The song. Words can’t express my gratitude. I’d download it, but tbh I feel like I’ll start ugly sobbing again every time I listen to it...

random note, i started going to school by train! It’s actually a lot nicer than the bus and cheaper XD Idk why i put this here but yay

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I was tagged by @aconitum-napellus Thanks! Sorry for the delay....

**WARNING: I always write too much! Feel free to skip!**

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing people you would like to get to know better.

Name: Stephanie Wolfe Yeah, I know. You weren’t asking last name, but I like it enough that as a little girl I wondered how I could find a guy to marry that wasn’t related but had the same last one. I assumed you HAD to get rid of it when you married and I liked it too much to give up. I was so relieved to find out you don’t have to just cause you’re a girlie thing! Then I never got married anyway. LOL

Nicknames: Mom calls me “Flower”, it was “Little Flower” when I was growing up. Pop would call me, when I was upset or whatever, “Teffy Weffy” (usually accompanied by a pat on the shoulder, back or head) My family sometimes calls me “Steffy” 

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius 

Height: Good question! My driver’s license has always said 5′ 10″ BUT this has never seemed quite right. I expect thick soles on my shoes for that first license. I suspect 5′ 9″ or even close to 5′ 8″

Orientation: Ah, see I naturally rebel against labeling. I REALLY hate it! This especially the case for something where limited experience makes it hard to be certain about you reaction to all circumstances. So far it has always attraction to males, and males where I found the personality attractive. The personality informs my asthetic judgement, but I can’t be certain it is males because of anatomy  or “masculine” type personalities. My social circle has been small enough in my rural life I can’t say I’ve been “tested” enough to be proven 100%. 90% maybe? Ok, 80%. And while I am sure there catagories for what I feel, I honestly don’t care! LOL

Ethnicity: I’m an American. How about that? Good enough? I don’t really feel any allegiance, only historical interest, about my distant ancestory. I would check “white” on forms, because the relatives I know would call themselves such with ancestory mainly of the Scottish/English/French/Irish/etc. Still I KNOW I have a great great whatever grandfather that was Jewish (and the relatives that try to deny it, he has a star of David on his grave so shut up!) and a Cherokee great great whatever grandmother. But the truth is, who can tell what mix of genetics go into all of us? The human race isn’t made of pure breds but good ol’ mutts! 

Serious question though....how long does the USA have to exist before we get catagorized by that instead of where our ancestors came from 400 years ago? (No really, some of my non English ancestors got the land I live on in the 1600s) I love diversity in culture, traditions, race, etc.....I just don’t get using ancestral homelands as a main identifier. 

Favourite Fruit: All! LOL I gobble up blueberries and cherries like I can never stop. I love raspberries but they are too expensive to get often. This year I discovered a service berry tree in the woods, so I tried them for the first time. They were incredible and really did have hints of almond flavor like I read. At only five reachable non bird eaten berries I don’t think I can call it my favorite yet.....

Favourite Season: Autumn, though all of them are nice.

Favourite Book Series: I dunno! The fact is I’ve had far too little time to read for years now, so most the books are stand alone. Actually, even as a kid I’d usually not finish a series. (see my mini-me rage when I figured out what the Narnia books were REALLY about). For whatever reason, series where I’ve read every book are very few. I think I have a four book limit! (except Harry Potter since I had to read them aloud to my parents) I always end up ready to move on to something fresh, too busy or just disappointed around that point. I was loving the Thursday Next books, but then I got so busy that the last two ended in the “to read” pile.  

Favourite Flower: ooh, tough! I have had an obsession with poppies, but my utter inability to grow them has gotten to me. I adore so much about how dandelions make magical seed heads, grow absolutely anywhere, are completely edible....but they are just so darn yellow, unfortunately. Pretty much it’s whatever flower I’m looking at right now! LOL

Favourite Scent: These are so impossible!! Wisteria flowers in full bloom, the smell of crushed dog fennel, the spices I mix to bake cookies at Christmas, the smell of the wet ropes on our boat at the river, baking bread, (this is really specific) the way it smells on our mountain smells in autumn when it rains...you know I could go on! LOL

Favourite Colour: red, but particularly the rich dark shades like burgundy

Coffee, Tea, or Cocoa: ALL! It depends on my mood, and if I can get Mom to not make endless pots of coffee. Decaf coffee, btw. I really have to be careful about caffeine. 

Average Sleep Hours: Not enough!! LOL I always had been an 8hr person, but the last few years have been a mess, 3 hrs one night, 7 the next. I guess 6 is the most common amount. 

Cat or Dog Person: BOTH! With six dogs and around a dozen cats I am sooo not picking favorites.

Favorite Fictional Characters: Geez, too many! I have different ones in every book, movie and other fandom, like if you asked favorite Doctor Who character I’d give you about a dozen! LOL Growing up Alice (in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass) and Pippi Longstocking were the two characters I most related to on a primal level, so let’s not turn this into an endless list and go with them. 

Dream Trip: An open ended round the world trip with no schedule so you can explore as long as you feel like wherever you go. And not just other countries but some deep sea travel and Antarctica too. A dream trip with offworld travel included might be too much I guess. But whatever, having to ever come back must merely be options and NOT required! LOL

Blog Created: May 2015 (While I was sick with the flu, and clearly too feverish for good judgement! LOL)

Number of Followers: 1,771 but a LOT of them aren’t real. About a dozen of you ever click on anything I post, so I kind of ignore the number.....

I’m supposed tag people. You DO NOT have to do this!!

@runningbarefootthroughtheforest @theramblingrogue @kimikokat @whitexblackrose @omegadalek @lzbarnabas @awesome-beatles-fan

You know what? I’m starting to feel an anxiety about tagging people. Like suppose I tag someone and they hate these things? You never can tell how people will feel. One Christmas I gave blank journals to all my family, carefuly selected to have covers to the taste of each and with a note saying they could tear out the pages and use them for their grocery list if they didn’t want to write/draw in them. So what happens? My irate cousin rants at me that she’s sixty years old, she never kept a diary and has no damned intention to start now. She held it against me!! 

Anyway, I’ll leave the ones I’ve listed (and may tag the same ones on this other game I’m answering) but you do NOT have to do either of these!!