#I hate having to tag so many people but don't like ignoring them either haha

[ablogtocheck]

Well...I had no idea these two interacted quite a bit.

Sources: Getty, Imago, Alamy and Tumblr

[katyspersonal]

How to identify that someone's account is shadowbanned

Okay so, basically? Tumblr is being a real mess with this, but you can help the artists that got nightmare'd like that! Shadowbanning on Tumblr is a very annoying thing that makes your posts not appear in search and recommendations, makes you unable to use DMs (and people can't send you asks the last time I checked, either?), doesn't show your notes to other people etc.

The easiest giveaway is if the person does not have you blocked, but when you hover over their icon, the blog doesn't display any posts:

(Using a person that got shadowbanned as a volunteer because Tumblr hates good art lmao)

Usually when you check their blog, you can see there is no ask or DMs option available, and for further evidence you could check the posts that you know they liked/reblogged. If it doesn't show their notification, it usually further proves they've been shadowbanned (rarer it means they were blocked by OP since they liked/reblogged this post, so this is a bit more vague). Another good evidence is if their post is not showing in Tumblr's search tags - especially if you clearly remember you did see it in the tags previously!

If you reblog the post from a person that got shadowbanned - it will still show up on the dashboard and in blogs, but shadowbanning still seriously robs artists from exposure (and from potential new customers if they sell stuff). My incentive to check whether artist got shadowbanned is usually when there are too little notes considering the quality.. Works almost always + proves my point.

How to help?

If they have left other means to contact them (email, patreon/boosty, twitter, insta, etc) - message them there, explaining the issue! I usually link a good post about Shadowbanning from @that-damn-girl that explains in details what it does and what to do ( x ), TLDR; they need to message Tumblr staff about the issue via in-site function. Explain that their posts do not show up anywhere, they can't use asks and DMs have disappeared, all that. Usually within one week staff explains it was a glitch and apologise, and they can see the difference when DMs are back, posts show up in tags, their notes are visible etc. Sometimes staff might forget to get back upon too many requests, so sending other ticket is also an option.

Some blogs won't have any means to contact them available, so in these cases I have to "get creative" usually. For example, explain them that Tumblr fucked them up in the comments under some post (track this post regularly because, again, their response will not show up in your notes). Or maybe bother their mutual that I have a reason to think has their Discord or other contacts and could pass the message to them. Usually there are SOME ways to inform the person!

Basically - train to identify and undo this shit! It is somewhat easy to spot when you know what signs you're looking for. I have seen SO many artists, especially ones not speaking English native or who migrated from Twitter to have no idea what is going on, and their followers don't know what shadowbanning is either!

___________________

P.S. There is also a rare possible issue (that I have had a misfortune to encounter when I was trying to unban my blog) where they consistently ignore messages from affiliated email. If you feel like that's the case and you have been banned for too long, despite repeatedly sending tickets, try to use another email and explain why you did so. The possibility is very unlikely but as someone who had to deal with this, I just thought it is worth mentioning. Hopefully I was the only "lucky" one like that haha.

[dojae-huh]

so lucas got his first solo!!!!!!

u knw what twtr i is exploding.... Haha.... Some are being neutrals while some acting like the scandal is happened with them.... Like they have seen it through their eyes!!! I mean as a new one to this fandome I only can read the news.... Yes there was a scandal, a bad one actually.... But I don't knw how much of it is true.... So if u hate him ignore him nd don't listen to his songs.... Nd u like him just support him rather picking up a fight with those hate him..... That's all i can say.... But am really curious abt smthng...

I mean, even if u r doing a great job the company won't always invested in u much...most of the cases are like that....nd when u got into a scandal, there goes ur career into a bhooom....like u knw these entertainment companies won't just support someone....even if they are introducing a new face they work hard to make them famous coz they can't risk the amount they spent on that person..they want profit....but here in lucas case, what made them so confident abt get him into the field again... I mean he had such a big scanadal nd got really hate, ofcrs i knw he still has a good fanbase but u knw, it won't be an easy task... There is risk... There is a chance of it won't make it big... But still SM daringly made him a solo artist really makes me curious.... Does he have some connections or what.... Or is he really innocent that company wants to give him a chance..... Nd I don't think that pink company is that much generous.... Coz they even made shotaro nd sengchan into another group just becoz they are already famous, so puting them into another group would make more benifit to reach out to the fans.... That compnay only think abt profit rather than their artists feeling, so what in the world they got the confident lucas would bring back lot profit through this solo?! Normal idols not getting things while scandalous one got it..... I'm totally confused huh nim.....im soryy if my words made u offended, if I'm wrong correct me nd share ur thoughts on this.... Thankuu ☺

Lucas was accused of things of various degree of villainy. Most fans never cared to look into the things more deeply, read the disproof by fans who investigated the case, just jumped on the hate train. And now those people think they continue to stand on the side of "good people" who condemn cheaters, sexual harrassers, rapists, etc. And, of course, there are just plain antis.

Taeyong was cleared from accusations of being a bully and others in 2020. It is now known he had one of the worst childhoods among 127 neos, was even sent for a month to his granparents, away from school he didn't want to go to. And even today fans spread misinformation about him being a "nasty person".

Many Lucas' fans stayed and demonstrated they were waiting for him through trending of tags, comments on IG, etc. SM could see the continued interest and rely on that core fanbase. Lucas is going on a fanmeet tour around Asia, which demonstrates SM being sure it will be sold. The upside of working for the global market is that being cancelled in one country (here: China) doesn't nesessary mean that other countries will follow suit. When SK starts to hate a celebrety, that celebrety "dissapears" to Japan or China for a couple of years (works there non-stop), and makes a comeback back home, once people forget.

I suspect Lucas is Chris Lee's personal project. He uploaded a photo together with him a year or so ago, and appeared in the documentary. Either Chris was empathic, knowing Lucas personally and how the things actually were behind the scenes, or he wants to try to return a banished idol back and make a case for the future. Idols are cancelled all the time, and recently it has become a big problem. Just look how many idols were kicked out from their groups, and big ones. This issue will become even worse in the future, with deep fakes and AI voice generators.

LSM also gave chances to some of his artists after they caused problems.

SM signed Kim Woojin, who was ousted from Stray Kids. He managed to clear his name with the help of lawyers, proved the accusations were false, but it was too late.

Lucas wasn't a super big star, not like BigBang members, for example, or BTS. He has star quality, a potential to be very big, however, SM has new groups and current ones that bringmoney. It's not like he is last resort, worthy of risking everything. As such, SM returning him means whatever mess ha was involved with, it wasn't criminal. Not something that can comeback like a boomerang again if media really tries to dig something up (and not antis proliferate rumours).

Shotaro and Sungchan's opinon was taken into consideration. The transfer was agreed on with them. Yes, Riize gets a lot of problems with scandals, but the degree of it wasn't possible to predict in the past. The two boys fit Riize better than NCT Wish, and they don't need to work from scratch again and build thegroup's popularity slowly. Just look at choreos. Shotaro would be bored. Meanwhile Sungchan is too tall for teens like Ryo or Sakuya. He is pushed as the next SM visual, while Wish' concept is cute boys.

[lucky-bishop]

20 Questions for fic Writers!

Thanks for the tag @rosieposiepuddingnpie! 💕Anyone who would like to play along, please do, and go ahead and tag me if you'd like! I always love reading these.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Also 57! Weird coincidence!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

520,472

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Teen Wolf primarily, only one of my published fics is for another fandom (What We Do in the Shadows). I do have WIP fics in that fandom as well as Stranger Things and Hannibal, though I don't know if they'll ever get finished or published haha.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Hearts in the Byline (Steter, 62,395 words) Kinky Antics with the Pack (Kinktober 2020) (Multi-Pairing, 53,103 words) Try, Try Again (Steterek, 35,241 words) The Empty-Nester Alpha (Steter, 16,306 words) Mask of Many Faces (Steter, 22,806 words)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yep! Pretty much all of them! At least all initial comments, and as long as they're made in good faith. Criticism or petty shit I pretty much just ignore. I just know I always like it when authors reply to me, so I like to reply as well. It's a good feeling!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Depends on how you're defining your angst, but I'm personally going to go with For This I'll Burn where Stiles lets the nogitsune in on purpose. 4,409 words, no pairing.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tough one! I'd have to say either Foxes and Wolves or The "No-Bite" Rule. They're both Steter HEAs (5,289 and 3,869 words respectively). Forever might look different for Stiles and Peter than it does for other people, but they definitely deserve it.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have before. Most of the time I can just shrug it off, and it doesn't really bother me. Like I said, I just don't engage with those bad faith comments. I got one on Hearts in the Byline while I was writing it (I believe it has since been deleted lmfao I couldn't find it) on a chapter that asked if someone else had written it because the quality was so bad and they felt it was so incongruous from the story. It was hurtful and awful and at the time it really sucked. I think I've grown as an author and something like that wouldn't bother me as much anymore, but that was my second or third fic, and the longest one I'd written (and still holds that, I think, lol).

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes :-) Some from my own brain and others requested from me. And all sorts!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't yet. I have one TW/Buffy crossover WIP that I don't know if I'll ever really get to finish, but I'd like to. It's more of a fusion than a crossover, anyway.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! Hopefully it stays that way haha.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Once! Someone translated The "No-Bite" Rule into Ukrainian here.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not! But I would try, I think it seems fun.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

It's gotta be Steter, man.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't know! I would definitely like to finish all my WIPs, but it's probably unrealistic. Writer in the Dark is a Kira/Cora WIP that I started but lost motivation for. I hope to revisit it someday, but if something won't get finished, that's probably it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character growth! I feel like I do a good job showing how characters have changed through the narrative over time, no matter if that's years or months or even a very impactful night.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action is definitely one. I struggle to write combat scenarios (the closest I've gotten with it would be in Mission Control, I think). I'm also not always great at balancing background characters/b-plots. I've had comments before like, "where did x character go???" and I'm like "shit. forgot they were here tbh." But I'm working on it!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I probably wouldn't do it, write dialogue not in English. The only exception might be German, since it's what I studied as a second language, but even then I'm rusty enough that I wouldn't trust it well. Anything else I'd be tossing in Google Translate and hoping for the best, so it's a no-go for me. I've used pet names or short phrases in another language before, but that's really the extent of it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Marvel but none of what I wrote is up anywhere (that it can be traced back to me, lol, all of those works are orphaned). That I actually count? Teen Wolf.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it has to be Down to the Marrow. I just really, really loved writing that fic. I think it will always have a very special place in my heart. Before then, since it was so recent, I probably would've said Shall We Not Revenge?

[boiled-dennis]

i really liked the tags you added to my trash twins analysis! esp because you are right that not a lot of ppl in this community actually have or know much about npd, it is always super interesting to see your input on how dennis and his behavior point towards him havin npd/aspd. its refreshing seeing someone give insight on that that isnt just 'haha hes secretly a serial killer with no feelings so hes a psychopath!!!1!!' lmaooo

ahh thanks i thought your post itself was great, i really enjoy reading what people have to say about the way dee and dennis were raised , there's a lot of interesting stuff to pick up on and interpret. also so much more that could be said about dennis and personality disorders (as well as the rest of the gang), but with my current level of energy it's easiest to build off other people's observations tbh. for some reason i just started typing a shit ton of words here and i don't know why it happened, but-

it's kinda neat to me how that one common reaction that viewers have to dennis is in response to the persona we see he wants people to perceive him as (in his own desperate protective way), but we Also get to see the vulnerable, scared side of him and the way he puts on this act—and often, fans either ignore this side, or they have their sanist view of it and think it's even more evidence of him being a "psychopath". i know a lot of people do watch it only in a surface-level way, which i'm not going to criticise, but there's way more nuance to these characters than i guess a lot of people care to see. so if they are going to discuss it, i wish they'd be more thoughtful..

dennis is clearly a destructive, harmful person, but his actions don't mean he's "evil" or that he can't be a whole person with his own problems and feelings. that's one part of the show and his character that i really appreciate; i know there's been discussions in the past about this, but it's interesting how the show isnt a continuation of the all-too repeated idea that abusive people are one-dimensionally bad, purely evil, and not even people but more like. wickedness incarnate? like an entity that exists only to hurt & hate people. and there's the opinion that abusive characters shouldn't be portrayed as normal humans because that itself would somehow teach people to excuse their actions or think "but they still have some good in them", but that's more like. people's own responsibility to understand not to do. of course the gang can be cruel in cartoonish, heightened ways, but i feel with the understood rules of their world, it's not the exact same as real life actions (also the fact that they are indeed fictional characters). it's just important to have an understanding that being abusive is an active choice, and not something predestined because of personality disorders or whatever other qualities one might have!

to revisit the thing about dennis in reality vs how fans often view him- we see hints or direct portrayals of his true emotional state all throughout the show, but people insist on saying he's "emotionless"/has no feelings, even aside from his constant emotional outbursts. it's consistent with how real-life people with several cluster B personality disorders are invalidated (often seen as having contradictory symptoms/observable behaviour, and therefore faking emotions in order to be manipulative), and it's oddly kinda comforting because for me it just confirms my specific view of dennis. i just can't get over how many people who really like dennis and the show are fundamentally misunderstanding his character and insist on viewing him in a way that not only he himself is deeply hurt by (i know he isn't real btw), but also directly contradicts what we've always been shown about his real feelings, just because it fits the mould of the crazy psychopath that they want him to be. idk, sometimes it feels like people deliberately ignore some characters' complexities because they don't want their worldview to change so that they start viewing real people as equally complex and more than a stereotype.

[boolger]

i was tagged by the sweet @rosieblogstuff !!<3 anyone who wants to answer this too, consider this your tag 🫡💖

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 53! Somehow, haha. Once I'm done w thesis, it will grow for sure!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

608,326 words! 😳 i stresswrite

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now its only Macgyver(2016) and Call of Duty! I've made a marvel crossover, but not anything else. Once I'm done with uni and actually have the time to write and see shows without feeling like I should be doing other stuff, I will definitely write for more! I want to write something for stuff like Knives out, Phantom of the Opera, Star wars -- but mainly a ton of Macgyver and call of duty, lol

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? well, they've changed quite recently, since i jumped headfirst into the COD fandom and was welcomed very nicely! So, right now, theyre:

Adventures of 141's bunny (1,502 kudos😳😳)- Call of Duty

Mami's omega (448 kudos) - Call of Duty

The Heron Club (363 kudos) - Call of Duty

Warm water (150 kudos) - Macgyver

A pregnant night (144 kudos) - Macgyver

Im very grateful for each single kudos !!💖🥰

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, or I try now! It was easier when I was only in the macgyver fandom, since it is much smaller, but now in the Call of Duty fandom, i'm afraid I simply cannot keep up! So if I don’t reply to your comment, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or anything!👉👈

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

phew, that is one good question, because I honestly don't know. I have a tendency to end things either happy and hopeful like, or dark and like, with the vibe of things just being uncertain but not necersarily angsty? Lmk if im wrong lmao. I think the closest is in A dog needs a garden, but then again, its not really angsty - at least not to the characters. just... dark.🤷‍♀️

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hm. I mean, in my two fics Sir and his good boy and my baby’s got a gun (that I struggle to read myself now bc while I do have a soft spot for them, I hate my writing lol.) I make poor Mac go through a lot of shit, and they both end up on a happy or hopeful note- so those two, I guess? For now, heh.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

mmm, not really. When I do get some questionable comments, I either just answer in a jokingly manner or ignore it. I think I've only deleted one comment, lol. 💀

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hah, YES. what don't I write. Despite being ace and not really being interested in sex irl, I sure do write a lot of smutty smut. I mostly write kinky stuff, a lot of BDSM ones. A lot of darker stuff too. I mean, out of 53 fics I think maybe 13 ish of them doesn’t have smut in them? So yeah, I write a bunch of smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Well, I've only written three (so far) lol. Two of them was just... Angus Macgyver and Jack Dalton having a threesome with a character from a different fandom, LMAO. I've written them having a threesome with Bucky Barnes from marvel and then one with Simon Ghost Riley from Call of Duty. The craziest one technically isn’t a crossover lmao, more just the fact that I made twilight vampires canon in a Macgyver fic I wrote once 💀😂 it’s called this is the skin of a killer, Jack and yes, I find it funny and stupid myself.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not, lol. So no, at least not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Uh, no, again, not that I know of, lmao.👀

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Mmm, not technically, no. I don't talk often with a lot of fanfic writers, (im shy and idk how to become friends with people) but I do have 2 wonderful sweet friends I met through the macgyver fandom, whom i'm very grateful for and love lots. (They adopted my imposter ass who hadn’t even seen the show) They have managed to deal w my annoying ass for like... almost 2 years, I think and somehow isn't scared away yet. So, what I was going with that is, no, i've not co-written anything, but they do spar a lot with me and we discuss ideas and such, hehe. They've def helped me with a lot of fics.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

That is one good question that I honestly don't know the answer of. I'm pretty open to most ships, as long as they're written well in the fic or the show. (and legal. and not *ncest or pseudo *ncest.)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

don't call me out like this, I have a lot of WIPS. But honestly? Probably Wet footprints on the wooden floor (Macgyver). A part of me wants to, but its been like 1,5year or so, i think. At this point I would probably just delete it, then rewrite the entire thing and post it again, lol, because I do like the concept.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't know, actually. I like to think I write somewhat interesting plots whenever I'm trying not to just write pure smut. But eh, idk. I think I have an okay sense of humor too? but I am also biased.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Weird sentences! English isn't my first language, Danish is! and the structure of a sentence can be very different in Danish, so sometimes my English sentences ends up weird bc they're translated, lol. I'm working on it and I have definitely become better ver since writing my first fanfic, lol.🤷‍♀️

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I like to read it, but I struggle with writing it! It's hard, especially when you dont speak a certain language. I sometimes go with google translate, but I've tried just writing it like this when its in another language, lol. so ye, fun but hard.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Eh, i mean, I wrote a fanfic or two when I was like 15 or something, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember what for. probably marvel or twilight or something😂

If we go with the boolger account time-line, then it's Macgyver!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

don't make me choose between my babies. So I shall cheat the system and mention some of my fav.

The many deaths of a phoenix(macgyver), since I like the plot ideas lol, even though I feel stuck with it atm.

Lovers in the garden of Eden (macgyver) (dead dove dont eat) which is def fucked up, not the worst kind I've written but still. It has a special place in my dark, f'ed up heart. 🖤

Do you think I'm broken? (macgyver) bc I tried to voice a lot of my own gender struggles through it lol.

and finally, i am a lil proud of So long as I'm your favorite toy(COD) heh.

[princess-fuckrosa]

Hi. I hope you don't hate sk8 adam. If you one of the unique and awesome people whole love/like Adam can you perhaps wrote a SMUT of him? I'm sad that i can't find and SMUT about him cause everyone hating on him. You can write anything tho i don't have any particular request.

Thank you and sorry for the bad English. English is not my first language

Ahw, don't worry Anon, this blog is a safe place for loving on anyone!

And well, let's be completely honest, everyone who hates on this moron, is actually right about it, the latest episode left me a 3 minute complete silence as I tried to recover from what he did to our dear Cherry.......

But, to be fair, I have a soft spot for all the motherfuckers like Adam, so all of you who love the Matador of Love, don't be afraid to send in your requests, I adore him too! 💖

And don't worry about your English anon, it's perfectly fine! Send me a request anytime I'm open! ❤

*EDIT: Yesterday I forgot to include some stuff, so I added them~

HEAVY smut under the cut, general TW for the innocent vanillas~

Ainosuke Shindo (Adam) SMUT headcanons

We already have some clues about how the Matador of Love would be like in a relationship, and let me tell you, and I don't think it's a surprise but...

It's not nice. At all.

or it depends on what you call nice I think haha

Ainosuke definitely has a big turn on for tears and fear.

He's a sadist, and I don't think he would be completely against being on the other end of the line, but he would be the top dom most of the time.

He's into both physical and mental abuse, but before we completely bookmark him under the 'heartless psycho' category, he won't do anything non-consensual.

I imagine he would search for his 'Eve' in this way too, and if someone wouldn't willingly submit to him, they are just not the right ones.

So unless you let him do whatever he wants, he wouldn't take you seriously. He might have a one night stand, as he does sometimes, but to be his Eve, that's not enough.

He would expect you to be 100% submissive towards him, but only in the bedroom, and not on the casual side. He would love the contrast between the two: you being bold and confident during the day, but a sobbing, needy mess at night - perfect.

Master/Pet play is a big kink for him.

At first, he would give you a taste - he wouldn't be half as rough as he usually is, but would make you cry during the act, just to show off his style a little

"Do you still want to be my pet?", he asked, his index finger lifting up your head to make your teary eyes meet his seemingly empty, red ones. If you managed to whimper out a yes, his fingers would brush your lips as he leans a little closer. "I'm gonna abuse you, y/n."

You saying yes to him again would make his blood boil in excitement again.

He would absolutely cherish the idea of having a s/o as a pet, someone who would adore and worship him, and he could play with them as much as he would like to. Wouldn't go as far as caging (well, if you really insist, he wouldn't be against it either), but would give you a collar with "Adam" written on the tag.

Ainosuke is the kind that would be gentle and caressing at the start, and as the play session goes he would get more rough and vicious.

He does a lot of foreplay. It's mostly anything that implies that he is in control, and usually it starts rather innocently.

He walks over to you, caressing your cheeks with a brief smile, giving you soft kisses on your neck, hands traveling on your body with gentle touches...

...only until you get completely relaxed. He would lean back a little, his fingers tracing your lips, and for the first time in the last few minutes, he would smile at you.

And the fun begins.

You quickly learn that specific smile, the innocent, kind one that only appears on his lips when he came up with something truly dirty and terrific.

Would totally manhandle and take advantage of you. Grabbing you by the hair or your collar to get you to the bedroom, but sometimes when he feels like it, he could be able to just pick you up in bridal style and carry you to his bed - which is gigantic, by the way.

With Ainosuke, expect a lot of messy blowjobs. He would let you start and show your appreciation for the first few minutes. But after that, he would cup your cheeks, tug into your hair and face fuck you with vigorous speed. Plus points if you wear any makeup, he would ruin it, and almost get off only on the sight of seeing you crying off your eyeshadow. It would be hard to stop him after he starts, and wouldn't really care about your discomfort, the only thing he would avoid is making you vomit, he doesn't like that

He would call you the dirtiest, filthiest names ever, but would praise you and call you sweet, loving names just as much, especially during said face fucks.  

He is not THAT into bondage, Ainosuke prefers using his hand and body only to get you under full control, but if he is in the right mood, he would totally tie you up and abuse the hell out of you.

Doesn't matter if you are a female or a male, he would absolutely torture your nipples. Flicking them roughly, pinching them, tugging on them so hard that your back arches, slapping and biting them.

Getting to the main act with Ainosuke takes a long time, he would make sure to make you come one way or another, at least once.

Sometimes, when he is in a more affectionate mood, or you earned a reward, he would overstimulate you until you're so dizzy and disoriented that you don't even remember your own name, because you screamed his name so many times during your climaxes. He would leave you no rest, once you get your first one, he wouldn't stop, aiming for the next one, and the next one, and the next one...

Finally, when he gets between your legs with his crotch, you're so wet or lubricated that it wouldn't be much of a struggle to slam into you without a warning.

Through the whole foreplay, he is just so aloof and cold, or somewhat loving yet collected, but now that he is in you - he would completely switch into an animalistic, rough beast. Grabbing and bending you, completely getting lost in your moans, whimpers, and screams.

Would enjoy a lot of poses, his favorites are mating press, spreader, v, all variations of doggy, and basically everything where he is in full control over you.

But when he gets close, he would prefer to switch into missionary, leaving no space between your bodies, looking into your eyes as he reaches his high.

Depending on his mood, he would be either very affectionate with aftercare, or just completely ignorant of it, leaving you in the room alone as he goes to clean up himself and return to his day.

If there's no risk of knocking you up, he would usually release his seed into you, as a way of marking you as his, but would love to just cum anywhere on your body for the same reason.

That being said, he is not an abusing asshole all the time. From time to time, he would be more gentle, focusing more on holding your body like it was the most precious thing in the world, keeping it close to him, shower it with kisses, lovebites, and loving gropes.

He would sense your mood often, and if you feel down for some reason, he would cuddle you, placing you into his lap and wrapping his arm around you, and he would offer you some distraction from your problems. If you accept it, he would pay attention to your needs. Sure, if you just want his usual self, he will order you around and give you a rough treatment.

But if you need lovemaking, how would the Matador of Love turn you down? It's just something he won't really go for on a regular basis, so savor these moments every time, but don't be afraid to mention it when you need it, he's bossy and narcissistic but up for negotiations.

The latter is rather rare, he would usually just cuddle up with your messy, hot body for a few minutes before helping with the cleaning up.

Either way, sex is hardly ever predictable with him, he would be able to surprise you every time even after a long, long time of being together.

[aelaer]

Thanks for answering that last ask, lol. I half-expected you were going to ignore it tbh. I was hesitating when I wanted to send the ask, bcs, well, duh. It's controversial af lol. Just wanted to let ya know that you're not the only one with that view. (Great minds alike, am I right?) So please don't stop. Really.

This is gonna be a bit of a rant, and if you feel the need not to answer this ask, due to the fear of causing controversy in your blog, I 100% understand. Dunno if tumblr will cut off my ask so i'm hoping this is sent in its full-form.

I honestly agree that Tony gets maybe a *bit* too much spotlight (especially after the CACW shit and fans picking team tony/steve), and I hate that Stephen is just used as a plot device. I don't get why exaggerating a char's innocence is a good thing. Especially if they put other characters *too* antagonised and spiteful. It's petty. And putting another character in it (refer this as Stephen) as a plot device to make the main char more angelic is just.... idk. I'm only using rather insensitive words bcs I'm on anon ngl hahahahah.

Which is why, when I found your ao3 profile, I felt like you saved my life. Cus like. Idk. It's rare to find fics alike. Not really good with words so yeah.

Also thanks sm for tagging your fics properly, lest I wouldn't have found your works.

Ik some authors who share the same idea with the matter, but either they wanted to reach a wider fanbase by venturing into ships and fulfilling people's cravings (that require an ooc stephen, wince), or they simply don't have the writing capabilities to match their intentions -- like you do -- yet, I'm not so sure.

So basically yeah. Binge read your works this week. You're doing super great. Please keep going or else I would've probably never been here in the first place.

Fucking love your works. Don't hate on me for this if you happen to find it irrational ;-; Though if you do, I'm honestly interested with what you think. Sorry for sending a long ass ask.

Hey it's all chill, my anon friend. I really try not to hate on folks, even when I don't agree with everything they say or do. The world needs more empathy after all. And you've done nothing wrong in this ask here.

I personally don't ignore asks. It may take a month or two to get to some as it has in the past during busy or bad seasons, but I get to them. (I also don't get a ton so they're easy to answer haha.) The only ones not answered are short fic prompts that have taken me over 2 years to get to, which I'd like to finish eventually... some day.

I expanded on the topic about other characters in the last ask so I won't get into it again here, but I will say that unfortunately Stephen is not a terribly popular character compared to many other MCU characters like Tony, Bucky, and Loki. It makes finding fic starring him very challenging. He's also a difficult character to write well, though I applaud folks for trying, truly. It's great when people challenge themselves and don't let the fear of failure or judgement keep them from trying.

Anyone who hasn't written Stephen because they're not sure how to write him, or have written him but aren't confident with their writing of him, I recommend rewatching his origin film in particular as that's often forgotten for what we saw in IW and Endgame. There's also some good video essays about the character on YouTube. Some fanfic of him is good, while others are very bad, so it's a hit or miss there. One shot character pieces that are not concentrating on a ship tend to be more reliable, in my experience, for a better character analysis because the goal of the piece as a one shot is more a character study, and without the romance you aren't looking at the character as part of a unit. You need to know the character before you study how he works as a romantic partner, IMO.

I'm hoping his film helps his popularity, but I do have some fears that it will be drowned out a bit by Wanda. We'll have to see what happens on AO3 in particular, which is where my primary fandom interest lies in this case. I really, really want to see fic that isn't just reader inserts. Totally legit fanfic, but romance is already not my cup of tea and, if they aren't just smut pieces, those tend to be caretaker-Stephen fics which are a dime a dozen with his fics with Tony and Peter. So yeah, hopefully there will be more variety in the coming weeks. Of the action/adventure/drama type. A girl can dream.

I'm thrilled you like my writing. And also my tagging, some of the tagging is very hard to complete with some of the one shots xD but seriously, you're sweet. And you're good. Don't sweat it ❤️

[handonhaven]

So I just saw this post that made me mad but also made me laugh all at once. The post pretty much said that Handon is the most hated ship in the fandom and that even actress Danielle Rose Russel hates Handon and called them dragged out. That Handon only purpose was the bring Hope out of shell. And that Handon is a mother son relationship. It just goes on like that(and you can tell a H*ise made that post). It just made me laugh because 1 Danielle never said she hates Handon, I think she's one of the biggest handon shippers I've seen. I've seen so many people say at the beginning she was, but she still is now. 2 she never called Handon dragged. People are really still twisting around that interview she did back in March. When she talked about Handon she said she was really excited about where Handon is going. And that part where she said "dragged out to get to this point" she wasn't talking about handon(it was a while after she stopped talking about handon when she said that) and even though she didn't state what she meant by that she could have been talking about anything, the malilandon plot, Hope finally putting herself first. But I guess antis decided to forget about the part where she said she was really excited about where Handon is going. And when they heard dragged out just decided that Danielle was talking about Handon even though she wasn't.

Also that part about the only purpose for Handon was to bring Hope out of shell is just not a very good argument or even true. Because if that was the case handon would have been over after s1, they wouldn't have kept them together. Even Brett said in an interview back in June that Landon is one of the, if not the most important person in Hopes life. Whenever I see people say stuff like that I'm truly convinced that they're watching a completely different show.

And let's be honest the only mother/child relationship on the show is between Hope and that school. They go to her with every little problem they have. They expect her to put the school and them over herself all the time(just like a mother would for their child). And then when she does put herself first for once they act like she's betrayed them.

P.s sorry to vent/rant like this. It's just whenever I see stuff like that I get a little upset. And not because they took the time to twist around and make up stuff. It's that they tag Handon in it, so we can see it, probably thinking it's some type of win for them(kind of like how they think the new staff writer is gonna give them a win, but that's a whole other thing that I don't want to get into right now). I can get not liking a ship and wanting your ship to happen and I know ship wars are a thing no matter fandom your on. But can they just stay off our tags. Because it honestly feels like they're more obsessed with Handon than we are.

I’m not even surprised, sounds like the same old stuff. Yeah, Danielle has never expressed that she hates Handon, quite the opposite. Ikr, she still likes Handon, why else would she have suggested Hope sing a love song to Landon if she only liked Handon in the beginning? If she hates Handon so much now, why did she say in that March interview how excited she was about Handon this last season and how big a part Landon has played in Hope’s character arc and how much she’s enjoyed playing how that has impacted Hope? In a season where Hope’s love for Landon was solidified more than ever, and she fought for him all season long? Do they honestly think that if she hated Handon that she would’ve been acting that happy and excited in that interview, and voluntarily bringing up Handon throughout the interview without being asked?

And yes, she never said Handon’s relationship in general was dragged out. They really do twist everything and completely ignore the last part of her sentence where she said she thought “it was a bit dragged out to get to this point.” And now that we know there was no Handon breakup, we know she didn’t mean she thought it was dragged out to get to the point of them breaking up, so why are people still holding onto that? And she actually was talking about Handon when she said that, I went back to rewatch that bit to make sure and she was responding to a question about Handon. But I don’t see that as anything negative about Handon at all, because if Danielle thought things were dragged out to get to this point for Handon’s relationship, what point did Handon get to? Yes, they’ve been in a horrible situation all this time and have been apart when they haven’t wanted to be, and they have a lot more crap to deal with, but Hope’s love for Landon is as strong as ever and she’s determined to fight fate to be with him. So how does this help the antis? But like you said, Danielle didn’t say what exactly she meant. She said it was a “long time coming between the characters,” so she could’ve been referring to Malilandon, or Hope and Landon coming to terms with their fate and fighting that, or yeah, she could’ve meant Hope putting herself first and fighting for her happiness with Landon when she struggled with that in the first two seasons. Which was dragged out imo, it took a while for Hope to get this point where she believes that she and Landon can be together and be happy, and that they don’t have to be doomed. And it’s taken a while to get the point where they’re really facing Malivore as well, so Danielle could’ve been referring to any of these things. But however I look at it, I don’t see how it means anything bad about Handon when you consider the context of how she said “dragged out” as well as what happened with Handon this last season. But yep, people will pick and choose what they want to hear and what they want it to mean, while ignoring all the positive things Danielle said about Handon.

And yeah, if people think the purpose of Handon was only to get Hope “out of her shell”, they’re really just not watching the show. Hope and Landon’s relationship has done so much more than that, it’s helped both Hope and Landon grow and develop as characters in so many ways. And if I went into all of those ways, this post would become even longer, I could write a whole other post about it. But it’s crazy how people totally miss so much of what goes on in the show. And true, Handon wouldn’t have lasted if that was their only purpose, and Brett certainly wouldn’t have said that about them either.

My gosh, not the “mother/son” thing... yeah, when it comes to Hope protecting others like a mother would, yes to all you said, you’re right. Once again, people pay no attention to the fact that Hope protects and saves everyone at the school all the time and how dependent they are on her, how they expect her to do everything for them. Meanwhile, Landon actually tries, he doesn’t expect Hope to do everything on her own and doesn’t want her to either. He has continuously done whatever he can to help Hope and is always trying to be better. Hope and Landon are a team, and that has been stated on the show, Hope literally called them a power couple. Yet those people really keep comparing their relationship, a romantic relationship, to a mother/son relationship? I can’t...

And I get that, it’s definitely so annoying how they’ll tag Handon in their stuff, it can make it almost impossible to avoid hate sometimes. Yeah, it seems they do just wanna take what they think is a win and rub it in Handon fans’ faces. Exactly, the least they could do is stay out of the tags. It makes it so obvious what they’re trying to do when they don’t. Haha yeah, it really does seem like they’re more obsessed with Handon than Handon fans sometimes with the amount of time they spend hating on them. It’s pretty sad.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi!! 💕I was reading across your medieval queer history tag, and I came to the part of Muslims and homosexuality where you mention the active / passive narrative that this activity had.

I had two questions and I don't know if you can help me with them. I was wondering if there was something similar to that position in Nicky's time (?) at the European part of the world. And based on that, would it be a problem for the sexual activities that Nicky and Joe might have had? (sorry for this insane curiosity) I don't know if I'm being clear, haha. I mean, would it be a problem being active/passive for Nicky and Joe? ( based on common Islamic and/or European thought of the 11th century)

Thank you!!

Hmm. I feel like this is a better subject for fanfic (i.e. how Nicky and Joe viewed their relationship in the early days) because it touches on something historians can’t answer: how historical individuals privately viewed their own internal/emotional decisions and preferences. Obviously, Nicky and Joe themselves are fictional, so the only inner feelings they themselves had about how their relationship first developed, whether in its sexual components or otherwise, are the ones that are created for them by a team of modern writers and showrunners. As a historian, I can offer some perspective on the institutional, legal, and societal mores and customs that influenced how queer behavior was collectively viewed, tolerated, or restricted, but I can’t say how any given individual would have then interpreted that to themselves. Obviously, some gay people have been raised in such deeply self-hating environments that their internalized homophobia is very embedded and they struggle for years to get over it. Some others have been raised in the same environment but have never actually accepted any of it and have less difficulty in leaving it behind. Once again, this goes into the realm of speculation rather than strictly provable history, and which goes double for fictional characters.

Queer people have always existed in a complicated and sometimes contradictory relationship with the mainstream (that is, often heteronormative) dominant society. Sometimes they accept all of it in an attempt to “pass” or because they have been taught to be homophobic, sometimes they choose to selectively adopt parts of it but try to live a secret “second life,” sometimes they reject all of it. These choices are conditioned by personal safety/family background, political, cultural, religious, and social environments, formal and informal education, kinship and friendship networks, positive/negative reinforcement, individual character, and so on. There is not necessarily a “wrong” choice for a queer person to make, because each course of action comes with its own risks and rewards, but if you’re choosing to embrace your queer identity and to live out its truth (as Joe and Nicky seem to have done relatively soon after they met), then that will involve an element of rejecting whatever constraints heteronormative society has placed on you. After all, the formal legal conventions about sodomy in the Middle Ages weren’t developed in consultation with actual queer people. They reflected the concerns of conservative establishment clergymen, who weren’t interested in promoting social acceptance of it (and yet again, this doesn’t touch on THEIR actual feelings or whatever they might have done in private). I’ve discussed the complexity of disentangling historical homoromanticism (which was pretty widely celebrated in the medieval era) and historical homosexuality (which had a rockier time, but as I wrote about in this ask, the attempted policing of sexuality and sexual behavior was as much the case for m/f relationships as m/m or f/f ones -- nobody got away from this and it wasn’t just for the gays.)

Basically, I personally don’t think that either Joe or Nicky would have had a problem with sex or certain sexual positions, just because if both of them had reached the point of deciding that a Catholic/Muslim was their true love and they were going to run off together and be a couple no matter what anyone said about it, that already entailed rejecting a huge amount of the ideology they were originally taught and grew up with. It’s again a subject for fanfic how much Joe and Nicky were personally comfortable with being queer before they met each other, so this would more likely be a rejection of religious teaching about the unworthiness/evilness of the rival faith (as Nicky says, the love of his life was from the people he had been taught to hate). Since almost all medieval queer behavior and views on queer people had a religious component, if Joe/Nicky had gotten as far as rejecting the religious tenet that told them the other was Evil, they were (again, in my opinion) extremely unlikely to use any of those old religious arguments for prohibiting or proscribing certain kinds of sexual activity. I’m sure they had to negotiate many issues in the early days of their relationship (as I write about in DVLA), but they’re clearly head over heels in love with each other, wildly attracted to each other and have been for almost a millennium, and eager to embrace the physicality of that relationship, so I don’t personally see this as being a major stumbling block.

That said, you did ask about European views on sodomy in the 11th century and whether there was a parallel to Islamic views on the moral acceptability of the active vis-a-vis the passive partner. Since antiquity, there has always been less “shame” attached to the penetrative/top partner in sex, no matter whether the receiving partner is male or female. Ancient Greece is another example of this, where the adult man could not be penetrated without insult to his manhood and dignity, but the fact of him penetrating a younger man/teenage boy was a fine and even accepted rite of passage. We can obviously talk about how this is related to phallocentrism and misogyny, because the person “receiving” sex is usually expected to be a woman or a woman-equivalent person, which entails lower social status. The dominant male can take whichever sexual partner he pleases, and it’s a mark of honor and status for him to be virile (the very, very ancient chestnut about why playboys are tolerated and admired while sexually active women are “sluts.”) The gender of his partners might not matter as much as their social class, their status in relation to his, his “right” to expect sexual availability from them, and a whole lot of other factors. This could be and also was the case in medieval Europe. But may we point out that the men engaging in these kind of explicitly unequal relationships, which are more about reinforcing power and control than real desire, are very, very unlike the equal and loving mutual partnership between Joe and Nicky, where they were clearly happy to please and respect the other in whatever way.

It has not always been the case that same-sex activity would automatically be defined and suspect, though yes, there has never been an instance in Western history where it was placed uncomplicatedly on the same level as opposite-sex activity. It had to be constructed that way. As I keep saying, modern homophobia is a lot more stringent and explicit than any medieval expressions thereof, because if “homosexuality” was not constructed as a clearly recognized identity, there was less ability to rail against it. In fact, the usual rhetorical tactic was to just ignore it. Sodomy is known as the “silent sin” or “peccatum mutum” in Latin, because moralists usually didn’t talk about it or discuss it or give it an actual framework for debate and thus implied legitimacy. There were obvious exceptions (Peter Damian, Peter the Chanter, Bernardino of Siena, Heinrich Kramer, etc, etc) and as the medieval era went on, homosexuality became more grouped in with other undesirables. But that also reflected a growing visibility/awareness among people as to what it was. As I keep saying, you can’t be anxious about something, you can’t be worried about people being susceptible to it, you can’t be worried that it’s happening in reality, if it’s just an abstract concern of rhetoric that only a handful of churchmen know about. The increasing visibility of queerness as a category of exclusion in late medieval polemics reflected a) the social stress of the crises of the late medieval world and the usual function of Others as a scapegoat and b) the fact that by then, people must have had enough awareness of it as a pattern of consistent behavior for clerics to get mileage out of attacking it.

Anyway. In an attempt to summarize: historians can’t possibly know how historical queer people felt about themselves, if they were influenced by societal or internalized homophobia (itself quite different from modern homophobia), how much of the dominant social narrative they accepted, the reasons for the choices that they made, if they saw their queer preferences as a sin or as a valid lifestyle, and so on. But it seems unlikely that historical queer people specifically in loving long-term relationships, such as Joe and Nicky, would be unduly tied to much of that, and that has always been the case.

[koishua]

𝙂𝙀𝙏 𝙏𝙊 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝙈𝙀 𝙏𝘼𝙂 !

tagged by: @luvvseong @yangyangify @spookybias @iuwon @floraljae (thank you, my loves <3)

tagging: @zhongwrld @moonbeamsung @rutosruru @lyjikyu @armysantiny @kopikokun @mochiable @envirae @channoticedmeuwu @radiorenjun @lebrookestore @whiteprincessofnohr + anyone who would like to do it!!

notes from vie: oml what the hell was this. honestly, this was so long, but i think it allowed me to reflect upon myself for a moment lmao.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙖𝙮

october twenty eighth! on winwin day, nonetheless!

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧

i adore every single one smh. if it were palettes we were speaking about, then it would probably be greyish blue tones and beige to yellow ones!

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙣𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧

my lucky number does not work, because my misfortune overpowers it way too much. i like the number eight, though!

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙥𝙚𝙩𝙨

i used to have pet baby cobras, fishes, yellow and blue budgies, and aquatic turtles!

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪

i am aspiring to reach 170 cm, but i am currently 159-160 cm! that would be 5'2"?? i think.

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚

a pair of combat boots, white canvas shoes, and one sneakers for sports class... not many lmao i am not a shoe gal.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜

changes everyday. as i am typing, however, it would be lose it by oh wonder, rush hour by gaho and run by one republic!

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙚

i have three: rise of the guardians, room (2015), and... any studio ghibli movie tbh. whoops.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚

i say that i do not have a type all of the time, but all of the people i have been attracted to and had a crush on were the wild, fun, and cute guys in my class. they also tend to be very kind and understanding as well. i am a sucker for people who smile often.

they would have to be accepting of all of my flaws and love me regardless, just like the way i would do the same for them if i love them as well. i am also extremely touch deprived haha, so i would honestly be over the moon if they don't mind hugs and physical affection.

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙣

only after i have a stable income and have things sorted out, because i don't want to struggle raising them because of financial and mental issues. no kid deserves parents that can't take care of them ig.

𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙬

the law from where i come from are terrible and something pretty bad has happened, but i'd rather that's kept in private haha. i swear i didn't commit any crimes lmao police are just incredible blind and unfair there.

𝙗𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧

shower. i am way too impatient for baths. also, i feel weird sitting in a tub filled water while naked lmfao it's so weird for me.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜

grey.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙘

k-r&b, indie, pop-rock hybrid ig, lo-fi.

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝

only one below my head.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙞𝙣

it varies. i sleep like a rock even though i can’t sleep for long, so i wake up in the exact position i initially fall asleep in. either on my back or my right side, since my left side isn’t too good lmao.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣❜𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪❜𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜

buzzing mosquitos and damp, hot air (which is very rare, so i guess we are okay). i also hate being cold, so i sleep with two blankets even during summer haha. my limbs are ice-cold all the time smh

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙛𝙖𝙨𝙩

oats mixed with chocolate chunks.

𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙧𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙮

i never went to a club or took lessons, but we had a backyard where my dad allowed me to shoot at stuff with a bow and the few arrows he made. i was pretty good at aiming, but my eyesight has deteriorated, so i left it at that lmao

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙪𝙞𝙩

watermelons and mangoes... also rambutan and mangis, but we don’t have them in germany ;-; i missed them.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙

fuck. and i am sorry to say that i use it here quite a lot.

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙨

tons.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙧

some have called me a psychopath before, but they just don’t understand that i was raised by very strict parents and learned how to lie lmao. i am pretty ashamed to say yes.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚

i have tested twice. once when i was fourteen, which showed that i was an infj-t, but then i took it again last year and it showed that i was an infp-t. i heard that 16Personalities was trash, though, so take it with a grain of salt.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡

my best friend. she is a wild character, ngl, but she and i communicate extremely well. she is outgoing, courageous, hilarious, and has no qualms with being the odd one. she isn’t overly obnoxious, but she has a nice kind of self-confidence going on.

𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙚

i love yang jeongIN. definitely an innie, because i don’t even remember what the front of my house looks like haha. i don’t go out unless someone literally grabs my arms and physically drags me out and i am not even joking with this one. 

𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙙

i was originally right-handed, but then i got paranoid of breaking my right arm and having to study with my left arm all of a sudden and get bad grades, so i learned how to do stuff and write with my left hand as a kid.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙤𝙙

don’t have one. call me when we’re talking about dessert.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙤𝙙

don’t have one.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙮

my entire aesthetic is chaotic academia irl, so you tell me.

𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙝𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙚

oml, how tf, bahaha, bestie, no because-, hehe, lmao, i’m sobbing, i guess, toodles, etc etc.

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮

i can techincally be ready in five, but procrastination is the sole thing i excel at, so yeah, definitely half an hour.

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛

cnversations happen in my head, my the office-esque reactions happen out loud. i talk a lot and imitate phrases i hear from someone to myself and reenact scenes from my daydreams bahaha

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛

i don’t shut up. someone save the people that live with me.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧

definitely not the most technically sound vocalist, but i can hold a tune or two. i was a soloist in my choir for a few years and was the vocalist for a band, but we disbanded smh i am still very sad about that :/ i loved them so much.

𝙗𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧

seeing my loved ones die before me.

𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙥

i don’t feel comfortable talking bad about people :/ just ignore and move on.

���𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙧

i have hair that reaches my knees, but dear god do i want to chop it all off in one motion and get a yeeun-style bob cut.

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙡 𝙨𝙪𝙗𝙟𝙚𝙘𝙩

sports and art. to hell with everything else. i’m not bad at them at all, but oh gosh i want to burn them all.

𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙩

... idk. i hate speaking to strangers and feel so awkward during one on one conversations with friends. i don’t go out a lot and social events tire me out, but i also crave noise happening around me. so,,, ambivert? i do tend to be the life of the party often during the few times i go out, but then i just lug myself back home and crash for the week lmao

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙨

anything related to school. i have regular panic attacks /gen. also, i have thalassaphobia and megalophobia, so things larger than life and the vast, empty ocean terrifies me and movies like that just make me nauseous. 

𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝

my first real crush this one guy in my band. he was the other vocalist and was so pretty and fun. he always used to tease me smh. at least, that was something. but then we had to disband last year, because the older guys were moving away to study and us high schoolers were also moving to different cities ;-;

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙛𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙪𝙣

i was in my middle school track team and used to compete a lot since i was pretty agile, but then i started to hate running, stopped, and now i am just a little above average bahaha.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙧

black. i want to dye it with cotton candy colored highlights, tho!

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙧𝙮

unnecessary comments, rude and obnoxious, self-entitled kids and people in general, people who tell you how to do your own job, hate comments, the basic dni criterias as well 

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚

kind of?

𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙖 𝙗𝙤𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙖 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙

i would want a girl.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙩𝙝𝙨

i have cold hands if you want to cool down. i can adapt to any kind of environment instantly, since i have moved twelve different times to fifferent schools and countries. bless my parents. i have gained the ability to conquer shifts in social environments at the cost of my mental health :’) i also consider myself to be nice and can get things down quickly, so i am a fast learner.

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨

kanemoto yoshinori, yoshi, eye smiles, and brownies. i am also very impatient, a perfectionist, a procrastinator, and have absolutely zero self-control over aggression against my own body. i have trouble reacting to other people's emotional outbursts, be it crying or anger and don't know what to do and how to comfort them. i also have trouble opening up and am never authentic around people, so i don't have... friends, if that makes sense? i don't feel comfortable being myself and feel like i have to be the person that they want me to be? idek.

i get bored extremely easily and nothing interests me that much ig

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩❜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙨𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙

blue.

𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢

white and hints of blue.

[lucidpantone]

This is going to sound super weird and I'm not including names in case you publish this but I would prefer if you won't do it. anygays...I was (before Wtfockdown) on a chat with Skam fans and was so much fun until some people started to be shitty with some other people, so many times they were super annoying and honestly rude to other people, they shitty talked much and I kinda stop participating on the chat, one of those times (this is more recent btw) your name handle was brought as in you were talking with this specific blog and this person told you to stop with your spoilers because was disrespectful and you react badly to this (or that's what I understand) apparently this person liked you before, you both even talked as mutuals but sudendly they thought the contrary and told us all you were disrespectful and rude, I honestly didn't put more attention to it since at this point I just entered the chat to check if there was something new as in info or details of the upcoming skam remake seasons since I'm not good at checking all socials or catch things or read all tags so the chat was kinda my summary but I didn't really check the whole conversations specially if it wasn't over Skam, then when I discovered the chat wasn't that helpful either anymore I forget about this chat and I got off, later when Wtfock last season was on their like second or third episode and Skam France was starting again I encountered your blog again because of your reblogs and I started reading you and honestly I really really enjoyed it as in a fun clown time, that's when I double notice this people was just shitty people, I keept contact with some members of that chat and apparently more and more people started to complain about them but apparently no one could say or do anything because it seems like anyone that didn't share their opinion were a problem to them and either were ignored or just bullied (since I wasn't in this chat anymore I don't know if this all was true or how happened or on what extend)...

What is funny to me is that one of this person's is a big wtFOCK owner blog, this person also raved about how cool was to be an extra and how they talked with interns and crew (on s4, don't know if this person was an extra before that or after that) and how respectful they were about it but criticizing everyone else, Im gonna be honest this blog was really helpful specially on the translations for me, so for that I'm really thankful but the whole thing was super ironic and apparently this people (btw is not just one were more than 1 but there's only one with a big blog) were eliminated of that chat because people were tired of them plus they discovered they had another chat where they shitty talked about people!! Hahaha omg this is so teenager stuff...the point of all that is that I'm grateful for people like you that doesn't hide behind a "perfect good face" it seems honest and is actually respectful to the crew and cast or even the show when they don't actually deserve it haha even if you received hate so I really hope that now that Skam is getting a big break you don't quit on it because I love your blog.

Hey there, so am gonna print this because am contextualizing and finally responding to the gossip. I won't respond to it again but am sick and tired of "the rumors" circulating about me and that as yet I hadn't even defended myself against because I didn't want to make it a whole s/he said situation but am really sick of it now. Anyways receipts after the cut.

I am aware that they were chats ongoing discussing me. I was told and sent some screenshots when they occurred.Honestly to me its strange to be like "I dont care about so and so" but then to constantly talk about someone you don't care about. It also allows the person discussing me to create their own narrative about me and who I am as a person because I am not part of the chat to defend myself (or anyone this happens too) so whoever it was that engaged in those private chats your doing nothing but spreading gossip because you aren't even allowing the person your talking about to have a voice and respond to the criticism. You're just piling on for sport under the cloak of these private chats or group centric chats that anon testifies to cultivating a toxic atmosphere of silence. Anyways I find it funny that my response to my told mutual (who at one time I considered a friend) was interpreted as disrespectful or that I reacted poorly too because to be honest their message came out of nowhere to me. I hadnt spoken to them for sometime and so out of nowhere I got the message I have included below and my response. You tell me who comes off abrasive? and lacking empathy in this situation? and be honest if you think I was a dick to them I want to know but I actually really felt i tired my best to be understanding and respectful but its clear to me my actual response was framed in a way to fit their narrative of me and present me in which ever way they wanted too to others. Also am absolutely not quitting my blog or my fic writing so no worries anon and thanks for your kind words.

Their message to me(after a period of not talking):

My response to them:

[theenjoninecollective]

Hey, I'm just asking this out of interest because I want to understand other people's thoughts. So I don't mean to be rude or anything, ship whatever you want. But why did you choose to ship enjonine over enjoltaire, as the later is such a popular one?

Mod @viridescentlights 

Is this your way of flirting, hmm? If it was, it’s not working the way you want it. That aside, you say you want to understand and that it’s out of interest, but if it was, why the question at the end? That’s downright condescending. Simply put, your ask never meant to respect our opinions, in the end. In what way does this benefit you at all, hmm? I ask this because the timing of this ask, though given in January, is suspect. Fandom activity in Les Mis has been quite low, but it always has been given the fluctuating interest of people towards it. Furthermore, there are different factions in the group, and I’ve observed that your group is very active. So why bother us, when your group has enough fan art, fanfic, and whatnot? We’re busy enjoying on our own. It does not matter if it’s popular because that is our interest. Unless you want another fic war because you’re bored? Pfft. You could’ve asked in a better way, you know? We could’ve organized a sort of fic exchange and whatnot! Instead you go ride on your high horse and be demeaning. It’s annoying already. 

So, if you want an exchange, just let us know, mate. It’s not that hard to do. Plus, it’s fun. I’ve been able to do one with a good friend who ships enjoltaire. Why destroy when we can make art, mate? Let this be our enemies-to-friends-to-maybe-partners story, yeah? Haha. But seriously. Do not do this rude ask again. 

Anyway, I’ll let my friend do the nuanced discussion. Ta. 

Mod @decembersiris: 

Just because a ship is popular that does not mean I’m going to ship it. Often times now most of my ships are not the popular ones because in the fandoms I am in, the more popular ones end up being really toxic, I have found. And this includes Les Miserables and the enjoltaire ship as well.

Why I don’t ship enjoltaire: the ship itself

I have watched the musical and read the book. I have also watched multiple films and TV series such as the 2012 movie and the French 2000 miniseries. Of course there are more out there and more that I have watched but I’m not going to go into detail, because the point is that I am well reversed in the mediums of the story itself. And in all that I have watched and the book that I have read, the ship does not appeal to me. In the book, it is explicitly said that Enjolras hates Grantaire. And that immediately puts me off against the ship because why would I ship a couple where one of them completely hates the partner. That does not tickle my fancy, regardless if Grantaire loves him. I understand that there are multiple Greek references to homosexual couples to represent Enjolras and Grantaire, but frankly, I don’t care. And I’m allowed to not care. For me, just because there is symbolism, that does not mean the ship is without a doubt canon.  Because as Hugo wrote, regardless of the symbolism, Enjolras hates him.

As some enjoltaire shippers throw at enjonine shippers, that we are homophobic because it is written in the book Enjolras has not interest in women. Yep, I understand that that is there. However the way Hugo shapes this information leaves a lot to be interpreted. Enjolras may not be interested in women RIGHT NOW because he’s so focused on his revolution. That is very possible and very real, that he may not want to establish a relationship because he knows what is at risk, that pursuing a relationship will only lead to further tragedy because he knows what he is doing is putting his life at risk. The way I interpret this sentence though is that he is not interested right now because of the revolution and also because Enjolras, to me, is asexual. Just because he isn’t interested in women DOES NOT MEAN (and many enjoltaire shippers willfully ignore this point) he is interested in men. Enjolras could very well be asexual and not interested in anyone at all.

As for the musical, I appreciate the friends dynamic and I enjoy the interactions they have. But for me, that is not enough for me to ship them. Often times friendships and especially male friendships are default labeled as homosexual which to me is erasure of genuine male friendships which isn’t right. So I appreciate the friendship between them, but that isn’t enough for me to ship them.

Why I don’t ship enjoltaire: the shippers

A huge reason I do not ship enjoltaire has to do with the shippers. At first I could tolerate the shippers but as they became more and more harassing of pretty much the smallest ship in the Les Mis fandom, I began to get pretty frustrated with them. Which resulted in my hatred of the ship as well. Granted, not all enjoltaire shippers are intolerant fucks, but a lot love to overstep their boundaries. They, for some reason, cannot stay in their lane, and continuously harass enjonine shippers and infiltrate the enjonine tag with their bullshit. It’s almost as if they’re so insecure because not everyone ride or dies with their ship that they have to go and ridicule the enjonine shippers. And they frame in the guise of “enjonine shippers are homophobes!” and cry about it in our tag. Calling us homophobes just because we don’t ship their ship is incredibly ludicrous because shipping is FUN and HARMLESS. I don’t care what you ship as long as you stay in your lane and don’t try to force your ship onto others! Those who can’t differentiate between real life and fiction and real life and shipping need to take a step back and reevaluate their lives.

I think it’s funny because many enjoltaire shippers call us queer erasure in an attempt to come off as “woke” which is quite hypocritical on their part because they know that many of us enjonine shippers either view Enjolras as bisexual or asexual. For them to call us that, to me, shows just how ignorant and pigheaded they are; they are fake woke, bashing us for not believing what they do when people are allowed to have different opinions. They’re the ones blatantly ignoring the possibility that Enjolras is asexual or bisexual or even both which, I could turn onto them and call them acephobes and biphobes. But I don’t go to their tag and post a plethora of reason as to why I hate enjoltaire and call them acephobes and biphobes.

Regardless of whether or not enjoltaire is implied in the text, that does not mean I have to ship it either! The ship does not appeal to me. Even if they frickin kissed in canon, the ship would not appeal to me. Victor Hugo could rise from the grave and scream that Enjolras and Grantaire fucked and I would not care. I would not ship them because I don’t like them! For some reason, enjoltaire shippers have their heads so far up their asses, demanding we ship their ship because it’s “canon” through symbolism. They critique us for “not have comprehension skills of the book” but guess what, there are so many people who don’t ship canon! There is nothing wrong with that! And enjoltaire isn’t even confirmed as canon! As far as I’m concerned, it’s all headcanon because nothing confirms a solid relationship. Symbolism can be interpreted. The great thing about literature is that everything is up for interpretation and not everyone has to believe the same thing. There are so many ships out there that go against canon but for some reason enjoltaire shippers think they should get a free pass and everyone needs to ship their ship because their ship is homosexual. But that’s not how fandoms work. Enjoltaire shippers do not have the  right to ridicule enjonine or any other ship just because they think they’re more woke than others for shipping a gay couple.

There was a point where I came close to multishipping Enjolras with Grantaire as well as with Éponine but that concept sank so quick. It’s because of intolerable enjoltaire shippers that I refuse to ship Enjolras with Grantaire and ship him with Éponine even harder.

Why I ship enjonine

In all the different mediums of consuming Les Miserables, I always found myself absolutely adoring Éponine and that’s because I found myself relating to her more than any other character in Les Mis. She is an endearing character with many flaws, feelings, and complexities about her. When I actively found myself liking a character, I’m most likely going to find a ship for that character because I want my characters to be happy and paired. I was also drawn to Enjolras for the very reasons his friends are drawn to him. He’s inspiring, charismatic, and someone who has his flaws as well, who has done wrong for what he believes is right. Both characters are complex because of their beliefs and who they are and I adore them for that. Because of this I want them both to be happy and why not let them be happy together? Éponine could not be happy with Marius because Marius loved Cosette. She could find that happiness with Enjolras! Yep he might not be interested in women because he is focused on his revolution, but the beauty of fanfiction allows authors to tweak canon to suit their fantasies. And there is nothing wrong with that. That’s the whole purpose of fanfiction. The idea of having my two favorite characters get together makes me happy and anyone who thinks they can police my happiness can fuck right off. This ship has gotten me through some of the toughest times of my life and I’ll be damned if I let other peoples’ shitty and harmful opinions devalue that.

The fact that both of these characters have not interacted makes things even more interesting because of the potential they have! I also believe that if they had interacted, their dynamics would be very interesting to see unfold. Because they are both so headstrong and firm in their beliefs, it would make for such engaging fics and it has. I’ve read many enjonine fics and they are so well written and so fun to read because they feel so genuine and sincere to the characters that it makes me ship them even harder. While sparse, there is beautiful enjonine art out there and as a shipper, it makes me giddy.

Not only that, I have met some very sweet and interesting people in the fandom. While very small, most enjonine shippers are so openhearted and encouraging and because of this ship I have met beautiful people made a few friends as well. They have been nothing but kind and have helped me grow as a writer. Because of them my love for enjonine is as strong as it is. While I may not actively participate in the fandom for now, enjonine is the hill I’ll die on. They are my otp because they have helped me through such hard times and as a result made me so happy. So what if I don’t have canon to validate them? So what if other people adamantly despise the ship? If they despise me too, fine by me. I don’t need that negativity and toxicity in my life. I’ll do me and ship what I please and that’s enjonine.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

So, if I'm not mistaken, you called yourself a Stu stan. How did you become a stan of the numbskull? Why do you stan Stu? Don't worry, I'm sure we all ask ourselves this question.

Have I said that? If I did I meant it a little tongue in cheek, stan’s a pretty strong word, haha. I definitely do favor Stu though, he is my favorite and currently the character I’m really invested in! But I wouldn’t say I have a very flattering image of him or that I’d ever fight for his honor– I’d fight for his dishonor, maybe!

Here is the actual answer: because I like to be difficult, haha. When I first got into Gorillaz Stu wasn’t my favorite, but I knew eventually he would be– not necessarily because of the kind of character he is, but because of my own pattern with character preferences. I absolutely have a “type” but it has less to do with any actual character traits and more to do with fandom traits. It’s contrarian and hipster and I know it… but I’ve always favored characters I didn’t think were getting their fair dues. Especially if there’s a ship involved and one character is more prominently featured than the other, it’s guaranteed that I’ll like the other one more and want to see more of their experiences and perspectives. Stu certainly is still popular, I’m not arguing that he’s ignored at all– if anything, Stu gets more attention than Russel and Noodle combined– but of the Stu/Murdoc relationship specifically, while Stu may be present, he isn’t always fleshed out like Murdoc is.

I can’t say how the Gorillaz fandom always felt and how deep the fan content was, but getting in later in the game I liked Murdoc and was on the pro-Murdoc side of the way-too-serious Murdoc hate that went on around the start of P5… and I could also tell Murdoc would get a lot of focus, and that redeeming Murdoc would be a popular sentiment. I’m not saying anything against that, I just mean that… you know, if you’ve been around fandoms in general for a long time, you know that a mean-but-troubled character like that is going to be divisive and is going to pull a lot of focus in fan conversation, both good and bad. And he does! I definitely felt some defensiveness for Murdoc because of things I’d see in the tags from people who just really, really hated the guy. Add the ship lens to that, though, and you’re narrowing it down to just pro-Murdoc. When that desire to make Murdoc sympathetic through a ship isn’t handled well, Stu ends up just feeling like an accessory. He’s just a key that allows Murdoc to feel guilt, make amends, and therefore be a good person– how Stu is allowed to feel or react isn’t always taken into consideration, and who Stu is without Murdoc isn’t important. Stu exists to play a role for Murdoc. And I wasn’t even really invested in the ship yet, but I could tell that when I found that entry point into Stu as a more rounded character, the other shoe was going to drop.

Enter, as I’ve mentioned many times before, Yearz by @elapsed-spiral. This was the characterization of Stu that fit in best with what I wanted for him, and it gave all my vague thoughts shape or just gave me thoughts to rip off in general. I know I bring it up pretty often, but I think credit should be given where credit is due, and I think Yearz is chronically under-credited. You can see places where it’s had influence all over the fandom, but it’s like a game of telephone where the influences or ideas get passed along and stop being connected to one source. Speaking for myself, I learned more about modern Britain (within the last 30 years, I mean… “modern” as in not Victorian) reading this fanfic than I’d ever known, and Danni was always happy to answer questions or fill in more blanks for me (and still does.) I also think Danni is just a phenomenal writer who maintains a great balance between the humor so essential to these guys, and the darker faults and histories that really tint the relationship with drama. I wouldn’t have started writing if I hadn’t read Yearz or without Danni’s guidance on British things, but even taking a step back from that, I might not have pursued an interest in these characters and in seeing or creating more content with a flawed human Stu if I hadn’t read Yearz.

I guess the long and short of it is that I started to have more interest in Stu because I was interested in leveling their dynamic and making the relationship feel more equal. That’s the goal of most fanfiction or meta: humanizing these absurd cartoon characters. There was already content out there that achieved this by lifting Murdoc up and making him a better person, focusing on his humanity. Human pathos! That’s well and good, but I just personally felt more compelled by doing the opposite– evening them out by pulling Stu down, shining a light of his faults, exploring how certain suggestions about his character early on could’ve unfolded had they not been mostly ironed out. I don’t think you make a man human by ignoring where he’s gone wrong. I’m not arguing the version of Stu I like is closer to canon, he isn’t really, I’ve just cherry-picked the opposite details to focus on. And I’m not arguing against the merit in having redemptive stories or exploring improvement either, I just think variety is important. I think a Stu who is imperfect and nasty is a really compelling idea, and I think he deserves to get that same in-depth treatment as Murdoc.

Sorry, I guess I got off the question there! I stan Stu because he’s fun for me to think about and write about. I like the directions his story can go in, I like imagining his perspective, and I find him really rewarding to write! Despite how slowly I write in Gorillaz, I hadn’t written anything at all in years and years and years, and I’d never “consistently” written fic for another fandom. Sad as it is to say, considering how meager my output is, I’ve been more inspired and followed through on more writing for this than anything else, and that wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t like a certain idea of Stu, so I kinda owe the bastard. As they say… we have no choice but to stan.

[lavender-buck]

Hello, Laurence! I am writing a novel and I need your help. I am writing a character with autism, and I most definitely want to portray him as accurately as possible, seeing that I don't have it myself. The story is told through his best friend, Zyah, and I was wondering how to portray his autism through his friends without butchering it. You do not have to answer this question if you don't want to, but it would certainly be helpful so I can his autism as accurately and real as possible!

Hello Anon! I can’t answer very well in just one ask, but I can vaguely give some tips on stuff some people tend to slip up on/not think of! I really don’t mind this so don’t worry, I’m happy to educate people! If you would like something more in-depth or accurate to what you’d like to know, feel totally free to come off anon asks and message me, or you can send more asks like this. It’s up to you. c:

Don’t try too hard to shove it in there. To be honest, a lot of people just think I’m a little bit weird if they don’t know, all they see is a guy who gets a bit excited sometimes and is a picky eater and other very small details like that. Unless your character is severely autistic, remember that he’s still just like any other person too.

On the other hand, I still stim in public and touch things a lot if I think they’d feel good, so there’s no shame in him showing it either. It depends. I also sometimes get overly excited in public and my mother says I raise my voice or talk very fast, and once I calm down and look back on it I notice it too. Excitement and stimming are hard to stop even in public! So are negative sensory experiences, but I’ll get to that.

Stimming can be anything really, but we do it a lot and it’s most commonly flapping our hands (”Happy flaps”), making small noises (Clicking, tapping, rubbing clothing fabric together), touching or adjusting our clothing, touching something we like (A keychain, shirt, rock, etc), rocking on our feet, bouncing, swaying… You can be creative! I wave/shake/jiggle my hands in front of myself and my mom calls them “Jazz hands”, and I sometimes do them with a fist instead. A little bit off track but my mom finds it really funny and laughs and waves her hands too because she knows it means I’m happy about something. Even if he won’t do it in public, most of us will do it with our friends and around others we feel safe with. 

Bad sensory can be anything too, so be creative. Though it’s most commonly food, clothing, lights, sounds, or showers. Some of us may not like a certain fabric or shirt cut. Some of us may HATE crunchy foods. Some people hate certain noises. When faced directly with the bad feeling, as a child I would literally find something sharp like a pen and stab myself with it or rip my flesh out in chunks just to focus on any other feeling. I got angry and screamed and cried. Some of us gag, some of us get violent, some of us just cry in a ball… I’d rather have my finger chopped off than eat a hamburger, to be honest. I won’t go into detail but I hate the texture and flavor and it makes me sick for DAYS just thinking about it. Sick as in like… HURK– BLEEEEGGHHH. Now’a’days I can hold it together kinda but if I wear a fucking sock I’m gonna bawl my eyes out and find something to destroy as violently as possible even if it’s just an empty cereal box. That shit does NOT feel okay. Your main character may have to help his friend with this a lot, so be prepared to think of what calms your autistic character down. Pressure stimming (Hugs or heavy blankets), soft talking, etc?

Onto a lighter note! Let’s talk about special interests and obsessions. An autistic person can have more than one, contrary to popular belief. Usually though they’ll have one BIG one, a favorite thing, and one or two other smaller things. For me, my big thing is Armin and my smaller things are taking care of animals (I particularly love fishkeeping and dogs though) and cooking. They can also change! When I was a child, my special interest was Pokemon! I would memorize all the names and numbers and Pokedex entries in English AND Japanese and look up every bit of information possible and buy ANYTHING Pokemon I saw regardless of WHAT it was and I would never shut up about it and I’d talk about it until my mouth got dry and my spit foamy. Special interests can be ANYTHING. I know of a boy who’s interest was trains. I know another who’s into dinosaurs. I recently talked to one guy who was into Lush products. Literally. ANYTHING. A person, an animal, a hobby, an item, a machine… Anything can be a special interest. What are your character’s special interest(s)? How do they react when they see it or talk about it?

How about childishness? This can be controversial. Some autistic people are mentally younger than their physical age, while others aren’t affected. It depends on severity of the disability, and what symptoms they have. For example, I have an adopted cousin in his mid-20′s but he’ll always be an 8 year old boy mentally. Meanwhile there are people like me. Some people even temporarily regress in age. Autistic people being cutesy-wootsy babies is a very harmful and popular stereotype, though it’s true for some. Just not NEARLY as many of us as you may think. I myself have a LOT of childish habits, to be honest. I can ignore it and fess up but I feel like most of us do temporarily or partially regress at least SOMETIMES. This does not discredit us from being functioning human beings though, and it does not make us actual children if we aren’t literal kids. I can like my stuffies and blanket and being babytalked and still get my taxes done, and so can other autistic people. Is your character mature? Are they mentally stuck at one age? Do they act small and young and vulnerable when they’re upset or after calming down from excitement? Do they secretly or even openly carry stuffed animals around, watch kid’s shows, etc? Does this affect them in any way?

F O O D. Most of us will practically jump off a bridge for food, or at least certain ones. Maybe it’s the texture, or flavor, or smell, or the fact that they stim with their mouth, but food is a Godsend. I like to feel things with my mouth but I know better than to do that because of germs or choking hazards. So when I eat, I LOVE EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRUNCHY FOODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO GRAINY FOODS!!! We will eat anything we like, it seems. Sand is one of my favorite things in the world, and as a kid I used to go to the beach hungry on purpose so I could eat as much sand as possible. To this day I still drool thinking about the texture, it’s so GOOD in your mouth. It is not pretty, no, but it is funny in a gross way and I joke about it a LOT. I had to be curbed off literally eating sand and rocks, and now I cope by putting way too many bread crumbs on my mac ‘n’ cheese (My mom says my personal mac ‘n’ cheese bake is like eating on the beach on a windy day, haha!) or eating grits, or crunching hard candies into that texture. I also now have to portion my food very carefully and with rules because I would over-eat SOOOOO badly. A ton of us over-eat because we love eating SO much. What foods does your character like? Do they eat non-food items, or want to? Is this an endearing trait of theirs, or a weakness/gross one? Do they find it funny, or is it embarrassing? Does it make them chubby?

Last but not least, read through the first thing I said again. People tend to try too hard when writing autistic characters, which only pushes them to seem like the fake stereotype. Write a person, not an illness - We’re just people with interesting quirks and like I said most people don’t even KNOW I’m autistic, they just think I’m a tiny bit eccentric. There are definitely challenges or noticeable things when you have an autistic friend or loved one, but all in all we’re just people. 

Good luck, and feel free to message me or something if you need more or I didn’t answer how you needed.