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#I hate the self sabotage all the time
commsroom · 2 years
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doug eiffel is such a Guy Who Hates His Job. and he has had some truly abysmal jobs, for sure, but i think he’d hate any job because it’s a job and he has to work there. eiffel could get fired from his own self-professed ‘dream job’ because the instant the novelty wore off, he would realize it was another set of tasks he was obligated to do, and he wouldn’t want to do it anymore.
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xashtray · 2 years
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keep everything secret from your loved ones, but overshare to strangers on the internet
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c-rave · 29 days
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The worst thing is knowing youre being too clingy and still being unable to stop
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ashtrayfloors · 2 years
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...During the meal, Stein began his usual playful flirtations with Tommy. But soon his attentions took on a belittling edge. Tommy “was being picked on and picked up on,” said one witness to the scene. “It was very uncomfortable.”
Sensing this, Westerberg threw a possessive arm around Stinson and half-jokingly hissed at Stein: “Fuck off, faggot...he’s my bitch.”
—Bob Mehr, from Trouble Boys
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goldkirk · 2 years
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I am not gonna kill my brain I’m going to be neutral and then compassionate and then kind to it but god I’m gonna complain about it the whole time. quietly. on the inside
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fuyuesu · 2 years
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why did i have the most delayed reaction to a heartbreaking event in my life ever
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thegempage · 2 years
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currently experiencing The Crisis™ (feeling weird about being perceived as a person and like i am constantly doing being a person wrong) (i know this is irrational, but alas, The Crisis™ continues)
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carolinanadeau · 2 months
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you're talking shit for the hell of it. and we see you over there on the internet, comparing all the girls who are killing it. but we figured you out, we all know now, we all got crowns, you need to calm down. I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined. Mr. Superior Thinking... no, I don't like you. no one likes a mad woman - you made her like that. I can feel the flames on my skin. you did some bad things but I'm the worst of them. maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours. I'm shaking my head and locking the gates. this is why we can't have nice things. seeing the shape of your name still spells out pain. sometimes I wonder which one'll be your last lie. now I breathe flames each time I talk. do you still feel like you know what you're doing? because I don't think you do. all you are is mean! and a liar! and pathetic! and alone in life and mean!
and you didn't see me here.
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wolfinabeanie · 4 months
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idk what i did to deserve my gf but i would 100 not have been here a long time ago without them looking forward to them and the way they literally changed my outlook on life when i met them i love them so much and idk what to do with my emotions so im putting them here i wish i was sleeping with them every night and holding them they make me feel safe and like im not insane and i only can hope i make them feel the same i am so in love with them
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I still cannot believe that at the Meet Me @ The Altar show I went to last year, Edith was so shy about performing "T.M.I" (before they played it, her explanation was something like she felt awkward about it/wasn't sure how we'd react to it) because I was screaming in my head 'With lyrics like "Stupid self-sabotage every time" HOW COULD WE NOT LOVE AND RELATE TO IT?'
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herefortheships · 5 months
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I self-sabotaged again and I think I will lose my job now. A job that wasn't so great, ok (I made only $609 a month), but that had guaranteed vacations and was only 8 hours a day. I just don't know how to handle my emotions when a wave of depression hits me. And I had to be there at 7am and with these dark, heavy feelings and constant need to cry it just felt impseossible to do for me. And I know it's laziness, but I just don't know how to cope with my emotions.
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victim9d · 8 months
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hm.
#negative cw#our other best friend came over and my roommate mentioned that hes here but never anything past that#and i just went to the bathroom and heard them all playing the board game we were all gonna play and. no one told me#like i would've probably said no bc the kids are here and I'd be uncomfortable but. it hurts?#its a game ive never played before (cluedo) that i bought specifically bc i thought it would be fun to play with my best friends but#god i hate this my stupid brain is so self sabotaging and now im just 'well okay so im never ever gonna play cluedo then this has ruined it'#i hate this i hate everything ab this but my brain gets so all or nothing in situations like this#and i will frequently go for Nothing bc i feel like this is a. it feels once again like i am being excluded from the only friends i have#and its. if it was any other day I'd say maybe they dont wanna keep me up bc of work but i dont work tomorrow#me not working tomorrow is WHY we were gonna play board games tonight literally the entire reason#bc i could stay up later and it'd be fine#but also its fucking 7pm its not that late and they've been going for a couple hours already#and i just. it hurts that they didnt even ask if i wanted to play when ive spent days excited for this#i have talked excitedly ab playing cluedo and now i never ever want to see that game ever again i hate it#i wish i had. i wish i had friends outside of just my 2 roommates and our best friend#like i don't even mean i want people im as close to as them i literally just. i dont know anyone else#no one else would ever want to spend time with me#and i am constantly watching them all make new friends and bring new people into their lives and i just. dont#and its not for lack of trying!!!!! i am always trying So Hard to meet people and make friends but just. it.#i have known for Years like at least a decade that i am fundamentally difficult for people to like especially in person so ive clung to#the trio ive had but i just. i feel like. they are moving on#and its felt that way for a long time for a lot of reasons and its just. i do not understand what im doing wrong#or why people never like me#i wish so badly i could've just been happy with the body i was born in i feel like if i had just settled w being a girl people might like me#i don't know this is stupid and depressing and will be deleted i just#hearing them playing and having fun and the fact that they never even thought to involve me just Hurts
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I’ve come to realize that staying up late depriving myself of sleep is my most common method of self harm
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bixiaoshi · 1 year
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Huh.
#doll#i think. he might be startin to let me in a little bit.#yea yea i know he could be fakin it but he's only ever done that when i've been really upset n on the verge of leavin#(assuming that was fake either but it was at least calculated)#& he'd have to be gettin desperate to start fakin vulnerability to this extent#i've been so completely infatuated for a couple of days now again that it wouldn't fit the pattern at all#especially with the way he's...sayin the kinda things that he knows played a part in me becomin more independent to begin with#tellin me i really should have reaper get me outta there if he gets out of control again n doesn't listen when i ask him to stop#even though he hates the thought of someone else protectin me. he can deal with it when it's somewhere he can't do it (like out here) but#if he's there but not doin it so someone else needs to? he looked. really upset about it. cause apparently that's his job#upset with himself not me (or reaper. who he only referred to as 'that guy' sgsgsgsg)#& talkin about how it's not fair the way the only people men like him can really be with are ones like me. cause if it's someone more like#them that fights back n doesn't put up with their shit it's just mutually toxic n everyone's secretly miserable#but when it's someone like me we get hurt so that they can get better. when we really should be w/ someone good n kind n safe#said i shouldn't be the one to pay the price for that. but i'm his 'only shot at getting better' n he doesn't wanna let me go#n it was. a lot. he's never talked about 'gettin better' before. just 'learning how to take care of me right'#but up til now he's always rejected the idea that he'd even need to get better. that there's anythin to heal.#i mean. i'm stayin as long as it looks like he's makin progress. or til he relapses enough times to burn me out completely n i go dormant#that was always the plan. i'm just slowly gettin better at keepin my distance when he's back to his old ways#i just.....really wish he'd stop self sabotaging n talkin about himself the way he does. like ok you wanna be bad then be bad but#stop actin like you're too far gone n all the shit you say about yourself is so built in you can't change em even if you want to#not with that attitude you can't!#spdrvent
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wonryllis · 4 months
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𝜗𝜚ㅤTHAT'S MY GIRL! ( their idol s/o has dating rumours with someone else )
────𝖺𝗅𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗅𝗒, 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗌𝖾𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗒!
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﹙NOTES.﹚ enhypen as your idol counterpart. fluff. fem!centered. lowercase intded. 1098wc. requested by anonie 𓈃 ๋ 𝐍𝐄𝐖 峠
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𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 the one who ends up revealing your relationship in the most unhinged way. look he really loves the thrill of a secret relationship and he's so grateful to be chosen and loved by you but he just cannot stand you being romantically associated with someone that's not him. like why anyone else when he's literally here? sad baby starts a weverse live to vent in code (lies he planned it all so strategically, the perfect little irreversible plan) but ends up slipping your name in between as if he wasn't just giving it all away, "whose scrunchie is that? oh this blue one?" picking up the silk rubber from the corner the fans spotted it in,"it's y/n's," and when asked why, he's babbling on before anyone can stop him," because my baby was here yesterd-" live ended.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆 the one who is so secure in himself, he wouldn't give a damn about it. please he couldn't be bothered in the least whether there's one or hundred rumours or articles, he knows he's the only one for you. though sometimes he would want to show you off a bit but that's okay there will come that day when he would put a ring on that finger and declare to everyone just how much he loves you. "jay did you know about that rumor i had with-" you enter the room, wanting some lovely words from your lovely boyfriend,"baby you know i love you lots no article or rumor's gonna change that ever," you giggle rushing over to him and leaving fluttering kisses on his cheeks, "just wanted to tell you he's apparently rumoured to have beef with you," "we meet after a week and that's all you gotta say? come on baby,"
𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐔𝐍 the one who is full of himself, convinced it was just a lame ass set up for a while. he opens the article once, reads a lone single line and it's done. the next time you're meeting he'll be like, i saw the article of you with so and so, saw the pictures too and well i understand. can't deny your chemistry speaks but that's because they haven't seen you with me yet, "we literally define chemistry baby, he ain't nothing before me," his ego shines so bright and it's even crazy that you find that attractive about him. the next time he sees that idol he's gonna be hella sarcastic and fans are so confused to see the puppy guy behave like that. "i know he's no competition for me but honeybun how dare they like, man know your limits," he's not stressed he says all week.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 the one who ends up making dating rumours of himself with that idol. honestly he hates it, the rumours are eating away at him and it's worse that you're mc partners with that idol. will stare that guy's kidneys down when on an interview on the show. and then boom the next day there's articles all over the internet about how he was giving his heart eyes the entire time. "is this damage control or is this self sabotage?" he's questioning himself as much as he is questioning you, but does it really matter the mission was successful and now your name is no longer attached to that shit. now well it's his go to plan everytime you get dating rumours only stopping when it's his name beside yours, "baby, i got it all under control trust me. no one will ever try to pretend to date you," he's not leaving anyone unstained who dares to go for his baby.
𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐖𝐎𝐎 the one who strangely gets excited over the news, boy are you sure it's rumours about your s/o? he's quite literally the first one to find out and he's ecstatic to know the love of his life is so popular and even more that you're getting free publicity like you go girl it's all an image, i know who's the real one. there is no jealousy jealousy, but he's still like,"don't be too cocky about your options, you're stuck with me bun," if he knows that idol, he's definitely talking about it in his next live, subtly trying to debunk the rumours saying oh my friend's got no rizz, way to roast for love. however there are moments of craziness when he'd add fuel to the fire and start new rumours, "babes, i got you some more publicity, your company's not doing shit for you they gotta thank me,"
𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍 the one who purposely tries to set you up for schedules with himself so that he can start rumours about you both. on his managers ass to arrange shows you can participate together in, to creat opportunities for him to interact with you as much as he possibly can. might even pressurize the poor manager to open fan accounts and spread rumours about y'all. "baby, i got this show for us next week, we're gonna be making news soon!" excited he speaks into the phone, on his way to your dorm without any disguise hoping paparazzi catches him?? with his manager running after him trying to convince him there's better ways. "wonie, do you wanna join we got married?" boom bam boom you're just as crazy as him, your mates cannot fathom how y'all haven't been discovered yet.
𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈 the one who teases you but in a sorta jealous, i need some validation kind of way. he knows it's not serious but he just can't help it, he just constantly wants to be reassured by you, it makes him feel all these giddy butterflies like yes i bagged this amazing person. and it's so sad he can't show it to the world, but if you love him back then that's all that matters. "heard you got a new boyfie?" he looks at you wiggling his brows in a pout as you hangout in an empty dressing room after your performances, "what no? you're my boyfriend, the permanent one," you assure his ass but he's liking this so much,"the how many side hoes have you got?" he starts again, "only one," you tease, "does it start with a r and end with an i?" "i don't think so," "y/n!" always ends like this.
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TAGLIST ( open. ) @kangseulgithegreat @s00buwu @luvyev @pockyyasii @nctislifue @ashtxrie
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