#I hate this so much why is uni so difficult

[supernovaa-remnant]

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[limi-strology]

Astro observations II

Decided to make a part 2, didn't expect the first one to get more than, like, 50 notes 😅

Based on just my personal experience, might not be true for everyone! ᵔᴗᵔ

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Contrary to the stereotypes, I don't think I've ever met a two faced Gemini. They honestly seem pretty cool people, they have so many friends and they just know how to communicate, you know? Their relationship with their partner looks really wholesome to outsiders too (but could be just me viewing it this way, lol). If anything, I think they just stand out more, which makes it a bit more difficult to approach them. 🤷‍♀️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Gemini sun girls also have something aesthetic about them, like my cousin has a nice academia aesthetic going on in her life and a classmate from uni has this high-end fashion sense, she looks really pretty everytime (For some reason, when I think of Geminis, I'm envisioning luxury parties with champagne and brands like YSL and Louis Vuitton, that's the vibe I get) ✨

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ People with Sagittarius in their big three (sun, moon, rising) are some of the most outgoing people I know. They have so many connections and, once their schedule allows it, they start planning coffee dates, hangouts with their friends, clubbing etc. A friend of mine can literally NOT stay at home the entire day, he just HAS to go out or meet up with people for at least 2-3 hours. 🏙️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ To the fellas with Moon opposition Neptune; How do you guys deal with moments in life that don't live up to your expectations? You know, when your imagination goes wild and has a very idealistic scenario of a certain situation, only for it to happen in a much different way and lowkey dissapoints you? Also, do you have dreams that kind of warn you or prepare you for something that will take place in the future? Because I feel like we kind of build our own world and the universe has to remind us that life isn't always perfect, lol 💭

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ My dear Aquarians, why the pessimism? Rather than overthinking everything and imagining the worst scenarios possible, how about you try focusing more on positive things? Even if it's just something small each time, it helps you view your daily life in a better light :)

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Speaking of Aquas, I've noticed that most of you guys also don't really like being alone for too long. Sure, you want to have your me time (it's fine, we all do) but you also can't stand not having company around. Like, you'll randomly decide to stay in and spend some time alone but then you'll get upset and start calling your friends and family. A friend of mine cannot stand being alone for too long, even if we spend the whole day together, he hates being home on his own, to the point where he sometimes straight up takes the bus back to his hometown. It's wonderful that you enjoy spending so much time with others (I could never, lolll) but try picking up a hobby when you don't have the chance to be around people as much. It'll kind of distract you from loneliness and give you the chance to have some quality time with yourself 🧩

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Thank you for reading, hope you have a wonderful day 💙

Edit: Bonus Observations

So a lot of you guys commented that Aquarius actually prefers solitude and could easily pass time all by themselves, so I looked into the charts of the social Aquas I know irl and see what it is that makes them so outgoing and talkative;

(I didn't include houses because I haven't gotten to confirm their birth times)

• My friend has Saturn in Gemini, which can make people talkative in any situation (I also have this placement and, although I see myself as an introverted homebody, I am surprisingly pretty chatty and enjoy going out with people that make me happy). Truly, he always gives something to talk about with everyone he knows, sometimes he'll start a conversation with another friend of his while I'm standing there not knowing what to say or do in the meantime, like 🧍‍♀️?

• He also has Mars in Sagittarius and Jupiter in Leo; energetic, lively and outgoing, thrives when surrounded by people. He almost never gets tired of hanging out with people, my low social battery could never 😅

• Other than her sun, my mom also has Aquarius in her Mercury, which makes her friendly and likeable, plus she enjoys conversing with people.

• Another thing about my mom, her placements are a bit contradictory; She has Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Virgo, and Uranus and Pluto in Libra - These indicate shyness, independence and introversion. Truly, she prefers doing things on her own most of the time and doesn't open up to just anyone. She also used to be very shy around my age (probably because of Virgo moon?). However, she also has Jupiter and Neptune in Sagittarius, which make her more adventurous, outgoing, charming and humorous. So that would probably explain this whole 'outgoing yet independent yet still can't be lonely' vibe she gives me.

Hope this explains a bit better why I had this image of Aquas at first, thanks for sharing your thoughts in the comments!

[kraro-school-life]

A little update on my life rn:

I am sick. Like stayed home and cried multiple times because my throat hurts so fucking much sick. Whoever is trying to strike me down is doing a fantastic job :) The multiple weeks before haven´t been enough? Yet I still need to get my shit together, because so much is HAPPENING and I didn´t feel like writing by hand. So here´s my (kinda) journal entry.

There is this one art competition, which my teacher signed me up for. And I haven´t been able to work on my project the whole summer and the deadline is in 1,5 weeks. This IS optional regarding my school grade, but this is like a significant competition and my teacher and me think I have, eh, at least a decent chance at getting podium? I have a fully thought out, detailed idea... but basically only 2 sketches. And now I have to decide: do I go for it and start even though it´s gonna be HELLA (extra!!) work and might not garantee podium. The thing is, I don´t know if I´ll even finish this thing. Or do I just give up. Which, now that I typed it out, sounds crazy. Why would I give up? (Because Im so tired and stressed and all this work is not good for my mental health, bud did we ever care about that? haha).

Now that we got that out the way, MORE FUCKING DECICIONS!!!1!!!1

And not like small ones, no, the art comp might give me valuable clasification, that´s hard enough to decide. Now I have to decide what subjects I want for my Abi (exit exam). Are you being fr?? I knew this was coming but isn´t next Monday a bit too soon? Bro. Anyway. The thing is - I need to decide. And for that I need to do research if the subjects matter and how much, if specific degrees require subjects... Do I look like I know what I will be dooing with my life. So that.

I need to get info about a 10 day school? project I´m a part of. At least I hope it will be a fun trip. (Not fun making up all the work tho).

I am also responsible for my grade´s yearbook, which I also need to get started on immidatly. But for that I luckily have a friend that can help me out the first 2 weeks so I don´t have to stress as much. (I volounteered, but still. Someone´s gotta do it right.)

Generally uni research and qualifications are something I HAVE to get started on. Just yesterday I was in 9th grade wth?! I hate this transitional period. So much potential for mistakes, so many choices.

And school ofc, because assigments don´t know what a break is <3:

Religion presentation

Physics research

Philosophy hw (excerpts)

Eco hw

School art project finish

History hw

gonna brb trying to make a realistic schedule with all this shit.

My god is being a functioning member of society difficult,

Hope I don´t fuck myself over,

xoxo - ♦️

[lains-reality]

hi love, this is directed towards the anon with difficult circumstances (or maybe you as well, if you can help)

https://www.tumblr.com/lains-reality/724561014842114048/hi-im-this-anon

I realise that your blog isn’t void focused or loa focused. I apologise for sending this ask anyway. I really don’t mean to trouble you with further questions, this one will be it.

I understand non dualism and it temporarily gives me peace, gives me temporary solutions to problems that i have created (myself) over time (that seem permanent like the anon mentioned about her uni)

After i read the post, i would let my thoughts pass by and just focus on “I AM” nothing else and i would feel instant pressure around my third eye, i feel like i’m in a trance. I have done this before too because i follow infinite.ko on instagram and that page is really good if anyone wants to understand or be in the loop of non dualism on ig.

My question to the anon and i’d throw it over to you too lain, if you feel like you have any advice. I want to enter the void, i observe my thoughts pass by and i get the trance like feeling and stay there. To the anon, how did you exactly enter the void? If you don’t mind talking about in more detail as to how you did it? (or anyone reading who has tapped in before in a similar manner)

i won’t be going into my circumstances but i’ll just say every second counts and as much as i detach myself from the situation cause i know that we are all one, it only gives me a temporary solution like i mentioned earlier. I realise there’s nothing to get or desire cause we are all one but i know in my heart that i’d be at so much peace if i would enter the void and fix my problems first. I feel like i can already hear “if you’d truly understand non dualism, you wouldn’t care for the void” and i see it, i promise you i can see how it looks for anyone reading this but any help would be so greatly appreciated.

I’d like to apologise again if this was out of line in any sense.

"I want to enter the void"

what is the void to you? a magical place? its just I AM. alone, with no conditions or labels. you are already that. you just want to realise it. so you want Self, not the void.

"I feel like i can already hear “if you’d truly understand non dualism, you wouldn’t care for the void”"

it sounds like you already understand... if you've read this much then you get that we drop desires here right?

read this and this (this one is loa).

quick quotes from the posts:

However, people treat it as something they have to acquire on the outside, the same as they do with their desires. And that's how the desperation starts. Changing consciousness means changing your state of being. To "reach" the void you don't become desperate in trying to get somewhere, you practice being it! What people do is struggle and expect that by some miracle they'll wake up there. Did I do it right? Was I there??? Where do you expect you're going?

It's still trying from ego so instead of dissolving it, you are seeking for something to happen (like have the mind engulfed by darkness) I don't recommend imagining to be anything, not even emptiness, but instead just disbelieve in the things you see or take yourself to be. 1

the reason you're trying to get into the void is because you don't like your current life and because there are so many aspects you want to change, you're carrying the burden of changing the 3d on your shoulders. you're viewing the void state as something that will magically change and solve everything. so you're trying to get into the void so you can finally change the 3d.

the void obsession is anti-neville, anti-law, anti-mental health, anti-well being, anti-manifesting, anti-everything.

ngl i really hate the void, people are so obsessive over it and it focuses on the wrong thing.

also

"but i know in my heart that i’d be at so much peace if i would enter the void and fix my problems first"

why can't you be happy now? why can't you see whats okay now? why can't you allow yourself some peace through the day now? why are you postponing your own life, happiness and peace for something you may or may not get? you already don't see yourself as the void already so.. you're not losing anything if you stopped striving for the void.

theres ONLY NOW. not later. you can only experience now. why stop yourself feeling a little better NOW?

the desire is not gonna do anything. you can absolutely get everything and then still end up depressed later. you get a high with the desire, and then when everything settles, you go back to being yourself (an ego, if you don't id as Self) and then there'll be more problems to fix. because the ego only wants to fix, consume, try, do etc even to the detriment of itself. all the non-dual bloggers are telling you 'be free of that!'

i've asked before.. do you want to be free or do you want the desire? do you want the truth, or do you want the desires?

things come into the "3d" to die.

[youtubeyouniversitytherapy]

Therapy Exercise 1: Check In! || Schlatt & Dean Lee

Schlatt really wasn’t looking forward to the mandatory therapy sessions that were required for him to attend here. He had actually managed to put them off for a while, coming up with excuses like focusing on his classes or career. However, all it seemed to do was prolong the inevitable, the notice coming in his email that he was to come into the office or this would affect his residency being a harsh reminder of why he was truly here in the first place. 

So the next morning, he was up bright and early and in the counseling offices 15 minutes before he was supposed to be. Just to show face, show how reliable he could be when the opportunity presented it. Despite how exhausted he was dreading over it the night before, barely getting sleep. Regardless, he was almost blinded by the raw and radiating energy that seemed to come out of the office door.

“Is he here yet? I was informed J- Oh! There you are!” Dean Lee practically bounced as she walked into the room, as if his life here didn’t solely depend on this meeting together. 

“Yes.. hello..” he stood up, trying not to show the disdain in his face or voice.

“Hi!! Glad to see you here! Let’s get started right away!” She smiled brightly, immediately turning towards her room for him to follow.

His brows raised surprised, before quickly following her inside. He was greeted with what seemed like a comfortable atmosphere, a cozy couch for him to sit at or the chair in front of her desk. He took the chair, hoping this would be quick and easy for him so that he could get out as fast as possible. 

She took her seat in her desk rolling chair, scooting unreasonably close as she surveyed him.

“It’s been difficult scheduling you in here, I know you’re really busy with school and business so I want to respect your time here with us, I hope for you to do the same.” she nodded, making him wonder if that was more a warning for him rather than making him feel comforted.

He nodded back, still sitting upright in his chair to show that he was ready to get started.

Dean Lee flashed another smile, getting out her notepad and sitting back in her own chair with a sigh. “Well, Mr. Schlatt, how have you been adjusting? I know you’ve been here for a little bit now, so I guess rather, how was your week..”

God, he hated how this was reliant on him speaking with her. This meeting would only roll if he played along well enough with her. “It’s been fine… I’ve been fine.”

Her brows raised gently, still smiling and leaning forward slightly. “Fine? I’m sure you can elaborate on that..”

He bit the inside of his cheek, refraining from showing on his face how annoyed he already was with this prying, knowing it was just going to get worse. “Like I said, it’s been fine… a lot of new faces filtering out the old so..” he shrugged. 

“Hmm..” she hummed, looking away and starting to write away on her little notepad. He chewed harder on his cheek, already knowing that he’s revealed too much just by that sentence alone. He’d be more careful with his words. He had to relax. He could talk his way through people.

“..Okay, let’s roll with that actually. New faces and old, how do you feel about those.. Faces..” she chuckled almost awkwardly.

He took a deep breath, shoulders falling slightly. “They’re alright.. It’s the same old with the old, started a…hobby with one, I guess.. I knew one of new ones, so that was.. Nice, but surprising.. Well, it honestly shouldn’t have been surprising at this point..”

“Shouldn’t have been? What do you mean by that?”

“…Well.. kind of seems like everyone ends up here eventually. Anyone who’s a content creator is fucked up at this point. And they all come rolling into here as if they were ever discreet about it in the first place. They post it publicly every day!”

“…This seems like it stresses you.. Public knowledge…”

His jaw tensed. If she continued to press with that, he half considered just walking out the door and pressing his luck in a different university, but she instead leaned back with a knowing smile.

“..I think there’s credit deserved in recognizing the problem and wanting to resolve it, don’t you think?” The Dean tilted her head curiously.

He looked away from her, looking down and shrugging his shoulders. “I guess… if you’re actually trying..”

Her eyes squinted a moment, nodding like she really understood what he was saying but he could hear her scribbling away at her notepad- how the hell was she doing that?!

“Do you think they’re trying?”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Not all of them. I mean, maybe few and far between..” he thought about mentioning how crazy they get when all together, but he really didn’t want to pry anymore than she had already. 

“Do you think you’re trying? …Do you think you’re getting any better?” she took pause to look at him now, invested in his answer.

He paused too, completely caught off guard though he should’ve expected the question sooner or later. Was he truly getting better? Honestly… he felt about the same as he did before, unsure of what that really meant for him but he wasn’t about to open himself completely up to her. 

“…I think there’s progress.” He shrugged. 

Dean Lee gave a slow nod, turning back to her notes and jotting his response down probably. He was trying to be brief, what more could she write about??

A timer went off on her phone, when did she set that up?!

“Looks like that’s our time. Again, I know you’re busy, so we want you to keep focusing on you classes and the program. Okay? And make sure we don’t have to come to this form of arranging a meeting again.” Dean Lee started to close up her notepad, sliding into a drawer in her desk as she turned back to Schlatt.

He gave a nod, quietly standing up and starting to quickly make his way to the door without a moment to lose.

“And Schlatt?”

He stopped just at the frame, turning his head to the side so he could look at her from the corner of his eyes.

“I’m going to suggest you also try putting your focus into something outside of your business and work. I think it would be beneficial in your progress here..” she gave a final smile and nod towards the door.

He nodded back, looking back forward and closing the door behind him.

Yeah fucking right!

[muniimyg]

13 | photobooth

series m.list

It doesn’t take a genius to understand that you and Jimin aren’t too fond of each other.

From the moment you stepped into the student council meeting and raised your hand to argue with Jimin, everyone knew what a wild ride it would be to work with you two. The banter often pushed each other to the edge but for the most part; you two couldn’t be bothered with each other's existence. The concept of being each other's “enemies,” is a little misleading… But it’s not entirely wrong. 

You two detest one another. 

It’s competitive between you two. From grades to social accounts—there was and never is a good reason to like Jimin. He’s just someone you have to brush away and avoid in order to keep winning. 

Yet, times like these.. Times when you two are forced to work with one another; you’re quick to realize that you only hate him because he’s the only one that truly understands you. 

Beneath all the arguments, disagreements, and disgust—you and Jimin are reflections of one another. Perhaps that’s why there’s so much tension. 

Perhaps that’s why this carnival is such a success. Of course, it is—it’s quite literally made by you and Jimin and that speaks for itself. No one has doubts when it comes to you two. Together, you two are unstoppable and the bickering that came with both of your driven work ethics was just for the audience. 

It’s not like you two made it an issue for others to work with you. You two just found it difficult to be around one another. Too picky. Too much of a headache.

Today, the campus is filled with random groups of alumni, and Uni sponsors, all the sports and academic teams are in theme… And well, it’s perfect. From the local food vendors, you two managed to book, to the childish activities that everyone has been lining up for, to selected performances; yours and Jimin’s success illuminates the evening. 

The sky is a pretty raspberry lemonade.

The sun is setting and somehow the event continues to double in activity. Everyone is buzzing, the music is blasting and you’re starting to feel exhausted from receiving praise from the school board and the other students. It has been a long day and all you want to do is go back to your dorm and sleep. It’s over! The planning is finally over and the event is going better than expected. You might as well slip away, right? You already organized the volunteer team to clean up and the council treasurer is—

“Stop making that face.” 

You blink, recognize the irritating man in front of you. “What face? What’s this?”

Jimin lifts your arms and puts a metal bracelet on it. It’s pretty. It’s simple and a little dainty... It’s so him. 

“You’re cuffed,” he laughs. “I bought it at a booth. Thought of you and well.. Yeah. Anyways, do you seriously not know?”

Still looking at the bracelet, you ask, “know what?”

“Your overthinking face. Tonight is a success, yams. Just like everything we do. This, in my book, would be 100%. An A+. This event is your 0.6% if you really want…” 

“And you? What do you want?” you snark. 

Jimin shrugs, walking over to your side instead of in front of you. He stands tall and you gulp. Your head begins to spin when you feel him brush his fingertips with yours. You turn your head, checking to see if anyone was watching. 

“You,” he hums. “I want you. Right now. Photobooth?”

“Wh-what?” you stutter, completely shocked by his suggestion. Sure, he’s had impulsive moments with you before but it was never this crowded. 

“Unlike you, I didn’t stutter.” 

“Jimin—”

He rolls his eyes at you as he wraps his hands around your wrist. Then, as you open your mouth to protest, he picks up his feet and starts to head toward the direction of the vintage photobooth.

“Stop,” you stomp your feet. “People will see! Are you crazy?”

“You’re the crazy one! Yams, you’re really wearing a fucking skirt and expecting me not to go feral? Honestly? You play too much. You know how much I’m crazy for that pussy—”

“And isn’t it busy right now? There are so many people here—”

Jimin hushes you and you glare at him. Before you can fight him any further, he shakes you gently and bends down to your eye level. 

“I like your skirt.”

“Jimin—”

“I put an “out of order,” sign up. Plus, I started a rumour saying we have fireworks near the concert stage so everyone is headed that way. We’re at the opposite end, okay? So relax, yams! I’m not stupid—”

You look at him with a soft gaze, “only a little.”

“Fuck you.”

You give in, “okay.” 

Jimin purses his lips, unable to believe how easily you let him in these days.

“Don’t do that,” he warns you.

“Do what?”

“Make it easy.” Jimin groans, “if you make it easy… So help me god.”

“Why?”

He bites the inside of his cheeks, trying his best to contain himself from the thoughts that are flooding his mind. “Oh, yams… The things I’d do to you…” 

“Like what?” you ask a little shy. 

“What wouldn’t I do?”

You gasp. 

Jimin’s lips have gone up and down your neck, trailing his saliva and soon-to-be love marks. You’re sitting on his lap, facing forward. His hands are roaming in and out of your skirt. He tugs on the fabric, lets his palms dance on top, and sneakily slides his fingers in between your panties whenever he likes. There’s no rhyme or reason to this—why you’re about to start fucking in a vintage photobooth where other students are surrounding you two. 

Except for the fact that it’s thrilling. 

It’s goosebumps-worthy in the lewdest way possible. It’s panting, legs spazzing, and touchy. 

So fucking touchy. 

It feels like Jimin is everywhere. He has already pushed your shirt down to your stomach, exposing your lace bra. His hands are cupping your breasts for one second, then his fingers are in your mouth, commanding to be sucked.

You do so. 

See? You do listen well. 

Jimin pulls his fingers out of your mouth and wraps them in your hair. He tugs your hair, causing you to tilt your chin and look up at him. “Open,” he mutters. 

You just do it. 

You open your mouth and watch him run his tongue to accumulate his saliva. 

Then, he spits into your mouth. 

You swallow. 

He smirks before crashing his lips onto yours, hungrily kissing you until you pull away for air. As you catch your breath, he moves the strands of your hair away from your face. He fixes the lip gloss or the spit that’s around your mouth with his thumb. Then, he sneaks in another kiss. One last kiss before he—

“Bend over.”

“W-what?”

He places his hands on your hips and lifts you. You bend back and he sharply inhales from the view. Your ass in this skirt in front of his face. He flips the fabric that covers your beauty and then brings his hands to them. He squeezes them, loving the way they feel. He eyes your panty that is now soaked. Like the tease he is, he slips his finger in between the fabric and your breath hitches the moment you feel his finger rub your folds. 

“Y-you do this a lot,” you pant.. Not that you hate it.

“It gets both of us off,” he moans, tugging your panties. He stops rubbing you and focuses on that instead. He slides them down and once they’re at your feet, he looks up at you innocently. “Take them off properly.”

You lift your feet and push your panties aside with your foot. It’s a little ironic how your freshly bought white sneakers look so innocent beside your wet panty. 

“Are we seriously going to fuck in here?”

Jimin pauses. “Wow, your panties are off. Your pussy is this fucking wet. My dick is about to fall off from all of this… And you’re still this uptight?”

“I’m only uptight because I have to be up your ass—”

“I love your ass,” he interrupts by pinching them. You shoot him a glare and pout. 

“You’re an ass.”

He laughs this time and you take a deep breath. Suddenly, it smells like sex, something that you’ve grown familiar identifying. In all honesty, this entire foreplay feels familiar. 

Though it’s been months since you two first slept together, the other times just never felt like this one. The first time was good. You would even say great! There was a lot of awkward pausing, shifting of positions, and hesitance… But it was good. 

It burned so good. It felt good. He fucked you good. 

He often felt unsure. During the first couple of times, he was still getting to know your body and didn’t want to mess up the mood. He didn’t want to lose you mid-sex. Now that it’s been a few months and you two have been sleeping with each other more often than not—it’s like your body is his. He’s so in love with it. He doesn’t get tired, instead, he craves more of it. 

Jimin has always been good at things. At video games, at public speaking, at dancing… Of course, he’d be good at taking your virginity. He loves the way you react to everything he does. He runs on praise and you know that better than anyone else. 

“... Thank you.” 

He chuckles, finding this to be a little awkward. “What for?”

“For this,” you hint. “... You always know when I begin to feel overwhelmed or overstimulated. Even if you disguise it as an excuse to sleep with me, I know you’re just trying to look out for me. It’s strange, but I don’t think your intentions of fucking me are as pure as I thought they were.”

“What do you mean?” he pauses for the second time tonight. You shift from your bending position and settle to just sit on his lap. Jimin gulps at the thought of your bare pussy pooling on his jeans. 

You let yourself sink onto him. He wraps his arms around your body and you look up at him, cupping his cheeks—his beloved cheeks.

“Fuck me properly at my place. Let’s ditch this scene,” you suggest. “Then maybe we should talk.”

“About what?” Jimin struggles to understand. “Are you uncomfortable? Sorry, I thought we were both in the mood and you were getting into it too so—”

“I think this should be more intimate,” you admit. “I think we’re fucking around too much in public. The hand thing earlier? Dragging me here? It.. It made me feel funny.”

“Funny weird?” 

“Funny like.. Like there’s feelings wrapped around it.” Your confession catches Jimin off guard. “Look, it wasn’t just this. It’s stuff like how our study dates have been turning into sleepovers and our texts have been more domestic than just booty calls.”

“I can’t ask about your day?” Jimin asks, feeling a little small. 

“You can,” you reassure him. “I’m just not sure why you would..”

“Because I want to.”

“That’s not a good enough reason—”

“Are you trying to make me admit something, yams? I have nothing to admit… Maybe you have something to admit—”

“Me? Feelings for you? Never!” you cry, feeling a little caught. 

His eyes widen. “Feelings? Just because I’m nice to you suddenly means I have feelings for you?”

You pause.

Right. 

He’s nice to everyone.

He’s the campus crush. 

He’s—

“... What if I do?” Jimin reveals. “So what if I want to know about your day? Or that our study dates turn into sleepovers.. Or that I want to hold your hand, the doors we pass, or your books for you? Let’s not forget that you’re the one that looks at me. You started it. Yeah, don’t think I’m blind, yams. I see you. Of course, I do! You stare at me and put your hand on top of table corners when I drop shit like my pencil so I don’t bump my head. What if it’s you that—”

Jimin gets caught off and your building defensiveness is traded for embarrassment. Instantly, Jimin registers what’s happening. The moment the curtains are opened, he pushes his body to cover yours. Hastily, you put your shirt back on properly. 

Jimin’s alumni friends, Yoongi, Nam Joon, Hoseok, and Jin stand and stare in shock. You haven’t met them aside from Yoongi. However, with the stories and pictures Jimin shares; you do know them. 

“Shit, sorry!” Nam Joon yelps, as he turned covers his eyes. Hoseok does the same. Jin scoffs and turns the other way. Yoongi stands there, smirking at Jimin. Out of nowhere, sounds of laughter come from a deep voice. Suddenly, two familiar faces poke their heads in and burst into laughter. 

Taehyung and Jungkook are both in your Anatomy class and you.. You totally forgot they’re friends with Jimin and this alumni group. 

“What the fuck! How’d you know we were in here?” Jimin hisses. 

Jungkook snorts. “Your phone location, idiot. We followed the sound of two people arguing and guess we found two people doing more than arguing.”

“Go! Get the fuck away—”

“Well, well, well.. Our president and… Vice? ___? Shit! No way… Is that you? Oh my god, I thought you two hated each other—”

No. 

You can’t do this.

You get up and push away from Jimin. Without looking back or even looking forward, you keep your head low and storm out of the photobooth. You make your way through the crowd and though no one is looking at you; you feel like they are.

[mediocrelanguagelearner]

hello fellow bored at work human <3

can you talk about your language learning journey? why did you start learning each of your target languages?

Thank you so much for distracting me from my boredom!

But uff, what a difficult question :D This could get really long... I'll try to shorten it as much as I can :D I'm listing the languages in a chronological order.

English: (I used to not count English as my target language because it felt like a second nature, but after 3 years of almost not using it, I'm starting to feel like I should dedicate some time to improving it) I had to learn English at school, of course, but it wasn't until I was 12/13 that I started loving it. I discovered a youtuber I loved, watched all of his videos in one summer and on top of this I found a blog of a (Czech) girl I idolised. This girl was very stylish, was interested in japanese fashion, learned Japanese and loved English. She said she constantly thinks in English and so I started trying to do that too. After this one summer I basically became fluent and in love with English. Since that I've been the best and always bored in my English classes, up until uni. But I've barely spoken English in the past 3 years and I feel the command of the language slipping away. I still listen to some videos and podcasts in English, but I don't use the language activelly and I've been trying to give a lot of time to my other languages, so my skills just deteriorate.

German: My relationship with German was complicated. I was forced to learn it since I was 13 and I hated it. I didn't want to learn it, I didn't like the sound of it and I had these weird perjudices about German. It changed only when I found Timothy Doner's video where he speaks a ton of languages. I fell in love with the idea of speaking multiple languages (by that point I'd tried to learn Spanish and maybe Dutch? unsuccessfully). And I thought "well if I have to learn German for another 2,5 years, I could try to like it". I started listening to German music and fell in love with Cro and AnnenMayKantereit (still love them to death!) and I decided to sign up for extra German class (where everyone was way better than me) and to do my high school state exam in German. At uni had a bit of a break with German but eventually took some classes to try to maintain the language. I've learned German for so many years and I still feel very inadequate about my skills (I am especially very embarrassed to speak), but I'm glad I never gave up. German is the language of my country's neighbours and it's such a big part of my country's history, I feel like it's important to know.

Spanish: I've always liked Spanish, the way it sounds. I tried to learn it as a kid for a while but I wasn't really motivated or disciplined enough. Then in 2016 I had the chance to go on help exchange to Spain for a couple of weeks (I picked the country myself, probably because I wanted to learn Spanish anyway) and I started learning Spanish about 3 weeks before going. It was a really nice experience and I loved Spain. I think Spanish is such a pretty and useful language, I really want to know it well, but the grammar is killing me sometimes. I continued learning on my own and then later took 2 or 3 classes in Spanish at uni, mostly to get a better foundation in the grammar and to have someone to talk to, at least for a couple of minutes every week. In my Spanish learning journey I spent a lot of time talking to random hispanohablantes on tandem, which probably wasn't the smartest move because it made me not like the language that much anymore – or at least not be motivated to learn it. When you talk to a lot of people who don't interest you and with whom you have nothing in common, you don't feel like wanting to learn that language anymore. But my relationship with Spanish is better now? I'm trying to work with a textbook and just generally do things that seem fun.

Swedish: When I was young I liked the series "Vikings". They spoke Old Norse there and it sounded like the coolest thing ever so I wanted to learn it. Then I thought it would be smarter to learn a language that is spoken today – so Icelandic, the closest thing to it. But I heard Icelandic has pretty difficult grammar so I thought maybe it would be best to first learn a scandinavian language. I couldn't decide between Norwegian and Swedish, but eventually nice people on tumblr/discord, Jonna Jinton and the fact there was a Swedish teacher at my uni convinced me to try Swedish. That's what I thought going to the first class in 2017 – I'm just going to see if I like it. Well, I fell in love. My teacher was so funny and just a generally good teacher, I had to continue taking the class. I did 3 semesters of Swedish (now, don't think it's a lot – it's still 90 minutes a week with bunch of other people) and did a lot of work at home. I loved the melody, the feeling of the language in my mouth, the teacher, the different but similar culture, the nature... I was so sad I couldn't take another class (too few students signed up and we weren't allowed to continue). Since then I've been learning on my own. I fell so hard for this language and right now I just want to be good at it.

That's the end of my very long post! I bet you didn't expect this when you asked :D Other than these languages I tried to learn (unsuccessfully) Dutch, Croatian and Arabic, but for various reasons had to pause learning them. I still want to learn them.

What is your language learning journey?

[parfaitblogs]

Hey girl I’ve been wanting to tell you my thoughts on your new fic ( ate it all the way up btw- best bed time story ever) but I’ve been so busy!! I’ll get to it eventually but for now I have a question. I’m so so so sorry if this is super intrusive but this is not coming from a place of malice whatsoever just pure curiosity- can you explain a little about your asexuality cause from your blog like your little posts that aren’t fics it seems like you are sexually attracted to Spencer/ mgg and I know it can be a spectrum but I guess I’m just a little curious about your personal experience? because I think I also remember you saying you’re bi. Again super sorry if this is overstepping it I just want to gain a better understanding of these things cause i believe it’s important to be educated and avoid harmful or inaccurate rhetoric or preconceived notions - I think that a lot of the hate towards the LGBTQ+ community comes from misplaced fear that stems from misunderstanding and lack of appropriate education (that and religious ideals deeply ingrained in our society) - 💌 missed talking to you

hello my lover!! so sorry this took me so long to answer you sent it right before my classes for the day started 💔 and don’t worry take your time i’ll be excited to read your thoughts whenever you get around to it 🫂

no you are not overstepping!! i’m very open about my sexuality, and i’m always happy to talk about it! i specify my asexuality with the label demisexual, which some people don’t believe is a thing but! whatever!! think what you will! but that basically means i cant form sexual attraction to somebody unless i have built an emotional connection with them. this means i will romantically be attracted to someone and want to date them, but the thought of having sex with them won’t occur to me until further down the track of the relationship :)

when it comes to mgg/spencer… he isn’t. real (spencer). so my feelings for him are nonexistent LOL. and mgg is unattainable. so, again, nonexistent😭 i don’t know either of them personally nor will i ever, and so all my posts are silly little jokes and (usually) copypastas, or references to internet memes 😄 i am not actually sexually or romantically attracted to either of them in actuality (i do not know them!!) nor is anything i feel for fictional characters/celebrities on a scale where my sexuality needs to be flagged (this is not a jab at you btw baby angel!!!). feelings for real people ≠ attraction to fictional characters/celebrities.

“but lia you write smut!!” so true i do! which was, honestly!! very difficult for me to do, and it still is. it’s why i’ve got the whole “one smut fic a month” thing. it took me like three/four months of writing strictly angst/fluff/comfort for me to even consider writing spencer/reader sexually, because i simply couldn’t see myself doing it. so in a way i kind of built the trust and emotional connection with… my writing?? my version of spencer?? to write him that way😭

idk if this makes any sense whatsoever and i am sorry it is so long!! very long explanation where all i do is talk about me omggg someone tell her to shut up!!!

anyways thank you i love you i also miss talking to you!! 💗💘💘💗💘 i hope uni isn’t stressing you out too much

[the-torchwood-magician]

"Were you a gifted child or were you normal?"

No.

I was fine with learning (see: autism)

But I was repeatedly taken out of class because I can't say the letter S properly. I still struggle to say it properly and I usually sound like I have a lisp if I'm not consciously putting effort into saying it right.

I was in accelerated math in grade 9 but struggled so much. And when they put me in the same class again in grade 10, I begged them to put me in basic/remedial math, and they did.

In my second high school, in grade 11, was a mishmash of classes. Basic math, basic Hebrew (zionist school unfortunately), college prep history, judaics/talmud, honors English. (I wasn't confident with my hebrew skills that's why ig), and basic physics.

But a couple weeks into the year I asked to change my Hebrew class to accelerated because what they were teaching me what I learned in grade 1-3. Teacher tried to make up bs and not let me. In physics I studied hard because I suck at math but loved science. Turns out what the teacher thought was that his class wasn't difficult enough. My parents didn't want me to switch up and got upset I did it on my own. Especially cuz it was harder. But I was learning now. For judaics. They were teaching what I learned between grades 6-9 ish. I was bored. Kept telling me to not raise my hand because it wasn't fair to the others who didn't know the answer. My reward for already knowing? Given more work to do. I wanted to switch up to honors, even if it would be all in Hebrew (it wasn't). I was bored out of my mind. After some time, my talmud teacher held me back after class, and essentially said I was too smart for his class and he's having me switched up to honors. Which was funny cuz the concepts they were teaching in the college prep of Talmud I hadn't learned in depth in my old school tho I did the concepts ("girls can't learn the Talmud") but at least now I was learning new things. With judaics, even in grade 12, I wasn't learning anything new. But at least it was a faster pace, open to more in depth questions, and I wasn't told to not participate.

In grade 12 they switched me up to college prep for math, and I nearly panicked multiple times through the year when it came to tests because it was harder. I didn't ask to be switched up, pretty sure it was the teacher's call, because I did really well (and was the only one to get 100 on the midterm. No final cuz of covid). Math was my weak spot. I failed quizzes, didn't do the best on tests no matter how much I studied. I pushed through. Ended up needing to take the math final and surprised myself by somehow getting a 90. (See: audhd)

History was also a weak spot. I hated it. But somehow with the strength of audhd, I passed with an 85 something average. Not bad imo but my parents weren't too happy.

When it came to my electives, one was AP psychology. If you don't know what AP is, it stands for advanced placement, and teaches you what you'd learn in your first semester of uni/college. I struggled so badly in the beginning. It was a new way of learning I wasn't used to, a barrage of information much faster than my other classes. I was failing tests. I wanted to switch electives to a non-AP one. My parents wouldn't let me. I needed to "study harder" and "push through" and "ask for more help" - but me asking to switch courses wasn't getting myself help??? I ended up with a 4 on the midterm (three points shy of a 5 😭) and with a 4 on the final (maybe 10 points shy of a 5) which translated to regular scoring is somewhere around 80-88). It was hard as fuck.

School was hard on me. I had a mental breakdown senior year closer to when we were ending classes because it was so much already after all these years and then being expected to go to university straight after (the September after I graduated). I had trouble learning. The problem was, no one seemed to pick up on it because if I studied hard, and pushed myself really fucking hard, I did passably well. The fact that in high school I started to fail tests wasn't a "hey are you struggling? Is something wrong?" it was a "hey stupid, stop failing and study harder. Stupid. We're revoking x item until you get better grades. Stupid." is very telling of how much support I had. I was doing my homework for at least 5 hours every evening. My parents didn't ask if I was struggling. If I needed help. No. It's "you're in high school now, you need to study harder or colleges won't accept you." Tf.

Anyway. All that to say I wasn't a gifted kid or a normal kid. I was a burnt out struggling kid who instead of getting help was told to stop being stupid and study harder.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Monty saw Craig happily smelling the hotel's tiny  bottle shampoos and bouncing on the soft bed. He was in his mid twenties and he was acting like a child. It made Monty happy. Craig was like his best friend.

"This's wicked boss!" he exclaimed "This place looks like a palace!"

"I told you not to call me boss, Craig. Just Monty, remember?"

"Alrigh' boss" Craig said anyway as he opened the mini fridge.

Monty could say he had friends. At Hogwarts he made a couple. At Uni, he made a decent group. But those weren't people Monty trusted. Those weren't people who cared about him or his well being. They all asked about how he was coping after Laura. But none of them really cared.

Monty didn't feel natural with anyone. Only maybe with Craig. He had been working on Potter n Potts for 10 years. He started in the factory and with dedication, Monty's father had promoted him to the office. But Criag was still very humble.

Maybe Craig was Monty's best friend. That's why he brought him to America. Even if his father didn't agree. Even if a simple employee didn't have anything to do with the seminar Monty was supposed to go to. Monty didn't want to be alone.

"Where'r you going boss?" Craig asked when he noticed Monty was now on his feet and walking to the door.

"Walk around" he replied "Get to see a bit of Miami?"

"Should I go with you?"

Monty smiled "No, it's fine. I see you are liking the hotel experience too much" It was Craig's first time abroad. "Why don't you take a bath?"

Craig grinned at that thought "Alright!"

Monty got out of the room. He walked through the empty halls that smelled too clean to be true, when he caught a particular smell. Monty knew it well and he hated it. Someone was smoking.

This was a non-smoking hotel. Monty was sure. He asked the manager the minute he arrived because the smell bothered him.

Monty followed the smell to a narrowed hall that led to a window and sitting by the window was a woman.

The way she smoked so gracefully and beautifully caught Monty off guard. He was out of breath not only for the smell by for that woman's beauty.

She was around her thirties. Black hair that reached to her shoulder. Slightly tanned skin. Light brown eyes under her long eyelashes. She was wearing a maid's uniform. The same one Monty had seen the cleaner ladies around the hotel. And large hoops as earrings.

When the lady saw him, she jumped in surprise, got down the window and cursed under her breath. But not in English. In another language.

"I am sorry, sir" she said with a particular accent, as she hid the cigarette stub behind her back "Can I help you with anything?"

Monty took a second to answer.

"I thought it was forbidden to smoke in here?"

The lady grinned "That rule is for guests not workers?"

Monty just stared at her and pushed up his glasses.

"Look, I had a difficult day, you are not going to tell, right?"

Monty had been in situations where friends asked him not to give them away when they were doing forbidden things. He didn't comply. Maybe that was why people didn't generally like him. But Monty was a rule lover. If rules were broken, then everything would be chaos.

Although now, something in his heart didn't have the courage to tell on this woman.

Monty just shook his head.

The woman grinned.

"Want some?" she asked showing him the cig.

"I don't smoke"

"Of course you don't" she smiled.

She didn't mock him. Which was usually something people did. They thought ridiculous the fact that he didn't drink or smoke. He tried it. He just didn't like it.

"You shouldn't just smoke because you had a difficult day. It is just not going to solve anything"

She smiled and looked down. She turned off the cigarette with the heel of her shoe.

"You are right" she said "I'm Effie," she smiled offering him her hand. "Short for Eufemia. María Eufemia actually. It is awful"

Monty let out a chuckle. He couldn't help it. It wasn't that her name was funny. No. It was beautiful. She just didn't know what an awful name was.

"Are you laughing at my name?"

"No. No. No.... I'm so sorry about that..."

"Watch it! It the same as my grandmother and she is probably turning in her grave seeing how a gringo is making fun of her name" There was a cheeky smile in her voice that Monty found delightful. He even blushed.

"I never intended to upset you grandmother, really. And I am from England"

Effie smiled "I figured for the accent. Came here on vacation?"

"Business trip actually" Monty replied. Effie nodded "Where are you from?"

"Venezuela" she answered proudly.

"Ah"

"You don't know where it is, right?"

"South America" Monty answered with embarrassment "Right on top between Colombia and Guyana. Above Brasil"

Geography was one of his passions.

"Impressive" Effie laughed as she observed him. "So what is your name?"

Monty tried not to smirk.

"That's why I giggled back there. My name is probably worse than yours"

Monty had been victim of mockery, bullying, humiliation because of his name. His mother and her stupid eccentrities had chosen that name for him. But he used Monty, and everyone who knew him used Monty. Laura had definitely preferred it. She used to say he was her Monty.

"Say it. It can't be bad"

Monty took a deep breath. Would he say his full name to this woman that he just met? There was something friendly about her that made him want to open up. And she was truly beautiful.

"Fleamont... Fleamont Potter"

Monty waited for her to laugh or make fun of him. She didn't.

"Everyone calls me Monty, though" he added, pushing his glasses up.

"Fleamont" the way she say it in her accent sounded wonderful and not ridiculous at all "I think it is a beautiful name"

Monty was speechless. He felt something he had sworn to himself to not feel again. With Laura everything had been tender and long. They were best friends for years before dating. And it was easy to follow the steps. Marry her, move in together, get used to each other's routines. Waiting for the children that never came.

Now with Effie, Monty felt what he never experienced as a teenager. Butterflies, goosebumps, nervousness and excitement to be around her and to learn more about her.

"I should go back to work" Effie sighed, interrupting Monty's thought.

He remembered she probably had a life, possibly was married and with children. She looked in her mid thirties. Why would this beautiful lady be single? Monty was just stupid.

"It was nice meeting you, Monty" Effie said as she walked passed him.

"Nice meeting you, Effie" he answered politely.

"Espero volver a verte"

"What?"

Monty knew many things but languages were not his forte. He just knew the basics of Italian for his mother. Definitely not Spanish.

"Nothing" Effie smiled and waved before walking away.

Monty had a stupid smile on his face now.

[erismourn]

ok ive been thinking about a destiny university au that im ultimately not going to do anything with (probably) but I just want to talk about it so here is a list of some characters and what I think they would do at uni

osiris: physics prof specializing in quantum + theoretical physics. undergrads find him extremely difficult to follow but master's students love him. will occasionally heckle ikora's philosophy seminars

saint: kinesiology prof, former football quarterback. everyone takes his first year classes because he's the best and also might let you throw things at each other for a grade. too much of a meathead to truly understand what's going on in osiris' lectures, but sits in on his beloved's lessons anyway.

ikora: philosophy prof, has like 4 undergrad degrees because she couldn't decide what she wanted to study ("but mads that's bonkers" my friend has done this and is currently getting their phd in social work. it happens). playful academic beef with osiris on the nature of life itself. was the scariest player on the women's lacrosse team

eris: perma-phd student in archaeology with a minor in anthropology. spends way too much time in the bone lab, which is why she looks like she doesn't go out in the sun. spends a little too much time hanging around the philosophy department for someone who isn't a philosophy major

zavala: extremely jacked anthropology professor. did his phd thesis on the value of fibrecraft to the human experience (more specific than that but I'm not about to come up with a feasible phd level thesis for a field I know nothing about). many of his students think he's in the mafia or something because of how ripped he is, but he just really likes working out

asher mir: chemistry professor. kind of a hardass, HATES teaching undergrads, but might let you blow something up in a controlled environment on the last lab day of the semester

amanda holliday: engineering master's student. EXTREMELY passionate about the yearly engineering go-kart derby where teams of students build their own go-karts

banshee-44: engineering prof. the smartest, most capable engineering prof at the school, but god forbid he remembers where he put that caliper. do not go into his office. it's a hazard.

shaxx: the football coach. end of thought.

drifter: math and stats prof. weirdly grungy for a nerd. I almost put him as an ethics professor bc I think his morals are really interesting but then I remembered he likes math a lot and I think he can have a little treat. has way too much energy for undergrads

mara: history prof. you thought history was boring until you took a class with dr sov. that woman can spin a yarn like nobody else. often has academic beef with ikora

riven: the school mascot

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 4x16 Accession thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!) [8 July ‘23]

I love how offended Julian is about how much tidying Miles hasn't done - I guess he offered to help and hadn't realised how much work he'd have to do XD

"You should have seen it before." Mood. That was always my sentence wherever mum came to pick me up from uni XD

Does Julian actually want to help? That was a sudden swing to "it's a shame to pack it all away" xD

Oh, I thought this was the plant killing episode where Keiko gets secretly possessed.

"Daddy, I have a little bother." So cute!

His gaze looking at Keiko is so gentle!

Sisko fiddling with baseball and hiding it :3

Aww, awkward Sisko

"I think I'd like it." Of course you would, Jadzia, you LOVE attention. (And being emissary would make Kira pay more attention to you..? :P)

Why does this man think he's the emissary, even before he knows he's in a future time?

The awe in Kira's voice

Nothing Sisko's quoted from the prophecies is not about him...

"All I have to worry about are the Klingons, the Dominion and the Maquis. I feel like I'm on vacation!" Oh, Sisko

"I remember when my nephew Nog..." Yes, we all know he's your nephew, Quark.

" I used to love reading to him. You know, See Brak acquire. Acquire, Brak, acquire." Hehehe.

"Oh, well I'll be sure and call you when she's ready to deliver. You can lend a hand." Julian's so earnest

"Unfortunately, I will be away from the station at that time. Far away. Visiting my parents. On Earth." Worf making several addtion's just to make sure they get the picture.

"How about a game of darts?" "Don;t you have to get home?" Huh, wasn't expecting Julian to give him up that easily.

"I don't see it as a contradiction." "I don't understand." "That's the thing about faith. If you don't have it, you can't understand it, and if you do, no explanation is necessary." This is really close to my heart as an ex-believer. I really like Kira's attitude to her faith. Idk

"Farmers have become politicians..." Ohhhh.... I'd remembered about Kira's struggle, but not what that would mean for Shakaar and their entire political system.

Kira's shaky breath and hesitation to clap.. Ohhh...

"If Bajor returns to the D'jarra system, I have no doubt that its petition to join the Federation will be rejected." "Kai Winn and I have already discussed it. We're willing to make that sacrifice in order to follow the will of the Prophets." Ugh, of course Winn's involved in this...

"You don't have to get up for me." "You're Ih'valla. I'm Te'nari." Yikes

"Maybe you never realised this, Captain, but we would've tried to do whatever you asked of us when you were Emissary, no matter how difficult it seemed. I'd better get to Ops." She's so subdued. Oh, Kira.

"An excess of neuropeptides. I can give you an inhibitor to make sure it never happens again. [Sisko nods, and Julian goes to get it.] Of course, if I do, you risk never finding out." This is like the reverse of Sisko's vision episode in Season 5

"So, any idea what they might have been trying to tell you?" I think Julian's really, genuinely curious here.

"Sure. That I have too many neuropeptides rolling around in my head." Heh, and that smile

"I suppose Julian has one too." Your wife knows you, O'Brien.

"Wanna try for twins?" "I don't think it works that way." XD

I know looking longingly at his costume shows his wish for his own free time... but it also reads a lot like longing for Julian ngl

"I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is add to your problems, but this is something I have to do." Ohhh, she's blinking back tears as she says this, I hate this so much for her.

"I don't doubt I can find someone to fill your post.. But to replace you?" OH, HE'S CRYING TOO THESE GUYSSSS

Miles looking for Julian :3

"Chief! Excuse me!" As soon as Julian sees Miles he rushes over. It can't have been THAT LONG since you saw him??

"You and I were evenly matched" - wellll, no you weren't. That was a ruse on Julian's part. Sorry.

"Actually, I was hoping maybe-" his awkward hand gestures :3 sweetheart

I can't stop watching Julian's face in this scene. When Quark reminds him "no refunds", he looks hopefully for a second at Miles. And his expression is so sad thereafter, his laugh at Miles' joke so lacklustre. Guys, I just have feelings.

"You killed him because of his D'jarra?" "I had to." My goodness. Fricking hell. I did not remember this getting that awful!

"We have to go to the wormhole and ask the Prophets." Solid plan, actually

"I was the first!" Heh, I knew they wouldn't understand first. Not an argument you're gonna win with them

"Why did you send me into the future?" "For the Sisko." Love how the episode just says yes, this was all for Sisko's character development

"I promised I wouldn't say anything, but it's about Julian." "What about him?" "I ran into him the other day and he seemed depressed. He'd never admit it, but he really misses you." This part is MY FAV

"I'm a lucky man." The way she nods and winks <3 Keiko is a queen and I wish we saw more of her, not her-and-Miles

Julian's little smile when Keiko messages him :3

"I want you to have this. It's an original Kira Nerys. Could be verrrry valuable one day." "I hear she didn't make many." Their laughs <3

"We were wondering if there's any chance you could come and give her your blessing." Kira's glance over to him, not quite sure how he'll respond, but his genuine smile and "I'd be happy to" ❤❤

Aww, Sisko covering up his smile at the end there. I love it.

[bearsinpotatosacks]

It Must Be Difficult (Dealing with the Concequences of Your Own Actions) - Whumptober2023

People don't change, time does

Summer was nice in Hawkins, she thought, staring at the blue sky. Not California nice, sandy beaches, surfboards and ice cream. It was vibrant green trees against the cloudless sky, hiking in the woods and barbecues in backyards. Also Steve had a pool, which helped. 

Black suited a blue sky and emerald trees. So did the church, brown brick with a full garden of flowers out front. Picturesque and manicured. It was a shame it was for a funeral, and not even for anyone good or pretty. Billy didn’t like flowers, or anything that wasn’t his car, himself or heavy metal. Although now she was wondering if he’d even loved himself.

The ceremony had been insufferable. Stuffy air filled the room and not from the heat. There was an arbitrary picture of Billy next to an open casket, they’d cleaned up his body enough that with a suit, his prom suit, it almost wasn’t like he’d been killed by a monster from another dimension that he’d helped to create. 

For day 20 of @whumptober . Also on AO3

Words: 3768

She didn’t know why she was doing this at night, it wasn’t like she’d get in trouble, Neil hadn’t involved her in any of the funeral arrangements, even when he made all the wrong decisions. Billy was going to hate it. It wasn’t exactly all to boost Neil’s ego but it mostly was, make him out to be a loving father who’d lost his only son. Not a dad who regularly beat up his own kid for stepping a toe out of line. 

“Are you sure about this?” Lucas asked behind her. 

The party were on their bikes, they’d been out all day, trying to forget the horrors they’d seen over the past week. She’d have to go home soon, not that she wanted to. Neil was crying, honest to god crying, like she’d never seen. Her mum was frozen in place working automatically as if nothing had changed, but she could see in the way she moved that she was frozen in shock too. 

Max felt sick a lot. Guilt, trauma. The idea that she couldn’t tell anyone how he actually died, Neil just had to live with ‘he saved me and my friends from a mall fire’ and how he went on and on about how he’d been stupid to go in there, they all had. He hadn’t quite stepped over to ‘if you hadn’t gone in there, he wouldn’t be dead’ but she could sense it coming. If she thought the house was tense before, then it definitely was now. 

“It’s worth a try, right?” She said, posting the invitation into the letter box and getting back on her bike.

Lucas just shrugged, “My mom says you can stay around again if it helps.”

“So did my mom.” Added Will, El was on the back of his bike, staying with Joyce until further notice.

If there was anyone who was sharing her grief right now, it was her. Although her relationship with Hopper had been much better and less complicated, they still lost people to the same fight, still wondered if they could’ve done better, fought better to save them. She tried to tell herself that she would’ve died but that didn’t seem too bad at the moment, with how much her mum and Neil were arguing. 

“And mine.” said Mike.

Dustin nodded. It was great to have such supportive friends, sometimes that house felt claustrophobic, but others it was comforting. It was the only place she really had to feel connected to Billy. His things were there, his camaro had been sold off to someone and they were miles away from California, so it was the only place to go if she wanted to remember and grieve without shame. Sometimes she woke up in his bed of all places.

“Thanks guys but I think I’ll go home,”

“As long as you’re sure,” Lucas added.

She nodded. She’d gotten most of Billy’s things after he’d died, all his music and books and random shit filling up the spaces. They weren’t sure what to do with his clothes. That had made her break down, because she could always keep the music, she actually liked some of the heavier stuff he played, and he didn’t have many books. But his clothes were so uniquely him that didn’t know how she could get rid of them, even if they were of no use to her otherwise. 

She just nodded and began to cycle away. She couldn’t look back, she knew she couldn’t because they all looked so worried. Worried about her, worried about the fact that she just sent off that invitation, worried about her going home. They didn’t need to worry, she told herself, she could handle herself. 

Summer was nice in Hawkins, she thought, staring at the blue sky. Not California nice, sandy beaches, surfboards and ice cream. It was vibrant green trees against the cloudless sky, hiking in the woods and barbecues in backyards. Also Steve had a pool, which helped. 

Black suited a blue sky and emerald trees. So did the church, brown brick with a full garden of flowers out front. Picturesque and manicured. It was a shame it was for a funeral, and not even for anyone good or pretty. Billy didn’t like flowers, or anything that wasn’t his car, himself or heavy metal. Although now she was wondering if he’d even loved himself.

The ceremony had been insufferable. Stuffy air filled the room and not from the heat. There was an arbitrary picture of Billy next to an open casket, they’d cleaned up his body enough that with a suit, his prom suit, it almost wasn’t like he’d been killed by a monster from another dimension that he’d helped to create. 

Neil had cried more. Maybe all of those tears he’d saved up and put out as anger had finally come out in waterfalls. Her mum had stayed still, as per usual when it came to Billy, she wasn’t sure if it was some kind of guilt or relief that he was dead that made her so statue-like but something was making her more and more absent recently, even to her. 

They’d sang some hymns that Billy would’ve hated. The Priest talked about forgiveness in the kingdom of heaven and how sometimes god worked in mysterious ways. Yeah, he did, psychic powers, other universes and Lovecraftian monsters were a weird way to work. It was something else that Billy would’ve hated. 

Half the people in here barely knew him. There was some of Neil’s family that Billy never talked about, his Nana, his Uncle and some cousins. Some of his ‘friends’ that survived Independence day, Tommy and Carol sat at the back looking uncomfortable. Then there was Max and the Party, Steve, Nancy, Jonathan, Joyce, even Robin. She didn’t expect them to come with how Billy treated all of them but they’d all insisted on coming for her. She tried to hide how that almost made her cry, she knew that didn’t matter. 

They’d buried the body, threw dirt in and watched him get covered up. Any chance she had to try again and connect were gone. Even though she hated him, there was always a chance they could try again and get closer. Now he was dead, there never would be.

The rest of the crowd had either dispersed or were hanging around their cars. There was a small gathering happening at their house, Max would have to go even if it was all fake and the memories of Neil screaming at Billy and throwing him against walls were everywhere.

Steve came up behind her and sat down on the grass. Billy’s headstone, void of any personal notes, was behind them. The party sat scattered around, keeping their distance but close enough that she knew they were there.

“I didn’t know Billy was Catholic.” He said.

She looked up from where she was pulling up pieces of grass and sprinkling them back down again. “Yeah, I think Neil is, or was, and his mom.”

Her dress was getting scratchy now. The humid summer was making everything awful. It wasn’t just the humidity making her uncomfortable, of course, but it was nice to blame something else for once. Nothing supernatural, just annoying. 

“I don’t think she showed, though,” she said. “Either that or I got the wrong address.”

“Who’s that then?” Dustin pointed to the lone woman standing near a tree behind them all.

The party followed his point and stared at the woman with long, fluffy blonde hair and a black pantsuit. They knew who it was by the way she stood, the tense way she held her body. Sunglasses covered her eyes, she wondered if she was crying behind them or just felt ashamed. 

She knew they’d noticed her. Her body jolted upwards and she turned to go. But Max wasn’t satisfied with that. If she’d walked out on Billy, left him to become a piece of shit with Neil then she could at least give him some closure, or was it her getting closure?

“Hey, are you Billy’s mom?!” She shouted across the graveyard. 

She stopped and nodded, turning around to them. After a moment of hesitation, she came closer and took off her sunglasses. That’s when they could really tell who Billy looked like out of her and Neil. It was the eyes, the clear blue piercing through you, going steely with that gaze. Her nose too, that was the same, the way her skin wrinkled around her eyes, her facial structure. Billy was kind of a spit image of her.

“I was a bit surprised when I got the invitation,” she said, she didn’t talk like Billy though, it was too gentle, too sure of herself. “I mean, Indiana? I bet Billy hated it.”

Max huffed and nodded. She’d hated it too before she met her friends. She didn’t think Billy got that far.

“I was a little scared that Neil knew my address, or I guess I should be comforted that he knew and didn’t do anything.”

“I sent the invitation.” Max spat out. “Neil doesn’t know you’re here, I don’t think.”

She stepped back a bit, gulped and collected herself. Was that a wash of relief or a touch of hurt? If it hadn’t have been for Max seeing her name on Billy's birth certificate, and finding her in the yellow pages, then she wouldn’t have even known her own son died. 

“And you are?”

“Max, Max Mayfield, Billy’s-” she looked back at the grave. “Step-sister.”

“Oh, you must have really cared about him, to try and find me for his-” She didn’t say the word. It must be difficult dealing with the consequences of your own actions 

“That’s debatable.” Was all she said. 

Flashes of when he almost drove into her friends, when he grabbed her arm and left her at the arcade. All the times he gave Lucas shit just because of the colour of his skin. When he barrelled in and hit Steve so hard he almost passed out.

Then the time when he showed her how to drive. When he said ‘fuck this’ at a family reunion and took her to get milkshakes instead, when he let her play that mixed tape labelled ‘M’. She’d never been sure if that had been a mixtape for her or someone else, but she did like it. 

“Debatable? How?” She stood in the middle of the group now and seemed to shrink under their watchful eyes. “What was he like, now?”

“A piece of shit.” Steve said, not looking at her. 

“What?”

“He almost killed me once when we fought, just kept punching-”

“-he targeted me because of who I am-” Came Lucas.

“-he almost ran us over with his car-” That was Mike.

“-he took his anger out on me for a while,” Max added as a final statement to their bundle of explanations. 

Again, Billy’s mum seemed taken aback. This time something broke through her steely gaze and reddened the white’s of her eyes. Was this guilt?

“That doesn’t seem anything like the Billy I knew,” she said.

The one you left behind, Max corrected mentally. Instead she opted for, “Well that’s what happens when a kid’s left with an abusive father and no one else, you get angry and take it out on the closest thing to you, so in his case, literally everyone.”

Her hand covered her mouth. “I thought-”

“That he stopped? No, he definitely didn’t.”

She looked down. Away from them and at her hands. Max did feel sorry for her, she’d wanted to run too, run away from Billy’s abuse and Neil’s manipulation, but she knew that without her for Neil to use as a pawn to hurt Billy, her mum would be next. And she knew that her mum could turn a blind eye far too easily than she thought she should, but she was still her mum, she was still someone stuck underneath an asshole’s thumb and she couldn’t abandon her. She’d seen what that had done to Billy, and she didn’t want her mum chewed up and spat out, angry in a world that didn’t have a clue.

That’s what Billy’s mum had done, though. So while she could understand, it didn’t mean she liked what she’d done. 

“Neil didn’t just hate you,” Max said. “He was angry and turned to the next thing he could hurt, Billy, and he got hurt and confused and must have guessed that this is how the Hargroves dealt with their emotions, that this is what love was and this is how the world worked, so when I came into his life, I was the next thing he could hurt.”

She didn’t go any further. Everything about Billy was this confusing, conflicted mess deep inside. She wanted him back because of how bad everything was now, because everything seemed peachy in comparison, she wanted to see if he really meant that sorry and if he would change, get out from under Neil and just be himself away from their shitty home. 

But there was that other voice that reminded her of what Billy was like the entire time she’d known him. She didn’t entirely believe that if he’d lived, he would’ve changed. What if he’d only apologised because he’d been dying with a dirty conscience? If he’d have lived, all the evidence suggested that he’d be the same, now even more traumatised by being possessed by some monster he didn’t know anything about. They’d had good moments but they’d been few and far between.

“He hurt you?” Billy’s mum was just looking more and more horrified by the second.

“Not for most of the time we knew each other, for most of it he was a super dickish older brother, distant, cold, uncaring, but that was it, you know? It wasn’t until we moved here, in ‘84, that he really turned on me.”

With a deep breath, she asked, “What happened? It must have been something big for him to turn on you and for you to move to California, right?”

She was smart for connecting the two. It wasn’t exactly hard to figure out. She just hadn’t told anyone the truth, the full truth anyway, of why the Hargrove-Mayfields had moved to Indiana in the first place. 

“It was because of your dad, right?” Lucas said. He was the person she’d been the closest to telling, he was a good listener, I guess you had to be when this was your reality, fighting demons. 

“Kind of.” 

“What do you mean, kind of? That’s what you told us!” Mike added.

“Well people can not tell you things, you know, omit stuff!” She turned to say to him.

Billy’s mum cleared her throat, “Why did you then? Really?”

Max thought back to that night. Her last summer in California. Rays of sunshine, waves crashing on the beach, meeting her friends at the skatepark and occasionally seeing her dad. She would’ve appreciated it more if she’d known it would be her last. Maybe she would’ve done something differently.

“It was the middle of the summer,” She started, everyone now looking at her. Even Billy, she could just tell. “Billy had been more distant than ever, would always be in a rush to get somewhere, anywhere out of the house but never with me. I didn’t care. Any time away from Billy was time well spent in my book, so what if he barely told me when he’d pick me up before speeding off with a wheel spin and speeding fine? It didn’t bother me.”

“Until one day, it was July 11th and I wanted to go to the skatepark, Neil and my mom were at work and he usually got told to do something with me or take me somewhere in the morning but I guessed that that day he just couldn’t be bothered, because he told me to walk and slammed his bedroom door, turned up his music. I was tempted to just steal his car or some of his money as revenge but I ended up calling my dad, we went for milkshakes and he took me to the skatepark instead.”

It was one of the last meaningful times they spent together. All the rest was arguments with her mum, not Neil, never Neil, and letters that got more and more distant.

“And when I got back, Billy wasn’t alone, I didn’t think much of it because it made sense, he wanted to be alone with a girl, big deal, he always wanted to be alone with girls.” She remembered it exactly. While most of her memories of California were terrifyingly fading after the dramatic events of the past year, this one was like a movie seared into her brain. “But he wasn’t with a girl. When I looked through the crack in his door, he was kissing a guy.”

Mumbles of ‘whats’ from her friends rippled. Billy’s mum didn’t budge. She was his mum and probably knew him before he shielded everything below ten plus layers of emotion. 

“I was shocked, but didn’t think about what it would mean, I just knew I had ammunition now. So at the dinner table that night, I told Neil that Billy left me on my own to go kissing boys and I spent time with my dad, two things he hated.” She said. “And I expected him to blow up but he didn’t, he told Billy to be a respecting brother and to not do that again.”

“I was disappointed but Billy, he was nothing like I’d seen him before. Still, quiet, wide eyed and terrified. And he was like that for days. Did everything asked of him and more, didn’t make a sound, almost like he was trying to make it so he wouldn’t exist or something. The tension was horrible.”

Tears pricked in her eyes at this part. Like a lot of things lately, all she could think was all the ways she could’ve done things differently, better. Guilt making her throat stick, eyes sting and hands go clammy. She hated it yet was getting used to it all at the same time. 

“On that Saturday, though, all the tension came crashing down.”

She wiped her eyes and felt Steve’s hand on her shoulder. Lucas was sitting next to her when she looked to her right. And Billy’s mum’s red stained eyes bore into her back.

“Neil told me and my mom to go to the movies while he and Billy ‘had a talk’. We saw the Karate Kid and got pizza afterwards, I just thought that they were having another fight, they had them all the time, almost every night they were screaming at each other.” She said. “When we got home there was an ambulance outside the house. Billy was being loaded into it and Neil was talking about him getting into a fight with some other kids on a Saturday night.”

She could see the flashing lights now. Hear Neil’s structured panic and the deathly calm underneath. It fooled the paramedics, and the cops, and her too, for a while at least. 

“I believed it, Billy got into an argument and got into a fight because he was mad, he did it all the time. But I realised afterwards, seeing his injuries, the fact that they had to glue his skull back together and the bruising on his chest for a few weeks after, that it wasn’t a fight, he and Neil didn’t just have talks. Neil put him in the hospital, Neil decided that there were too many distractions in San Diego and moved us to Hawkins. And Billy blamed me for all of it, so he turned on me.”

This was too much. Seeing her face, being forced to tell her biggest secret because she too felt like this was her fault. Her hands clenched again as she squeezed her eyes shut to fight back tears.

"But if you'd have stayed or taken him with you then Neil wouldn't have treated him like this, so he wouldn't treat me the same, but he did and we never got close and he died protecting me in a-" she took a breath, she couldn’t tell her about the upside down now. "Mall fire before I got the chance to properly talk to him."

She stood up, brushing of Steve and Lucas' comfort. Firey, just like her hair, as she stopped trying to be careful with this woman she'd never known and tell her how it actually was - to an extent.

"So this is all your fault!"

Billy's mum looked taken aback again. She squinted her eyes and tightened her jaw again. 

"Why did you invite me, then? If you seem to hate me so much?" She said.

Max looked at Billy's grave. If he was watching this, she'd love to hear what he thought. Although, saying that would probably cause the upside down to make her see ghosts which she didn't want, so she stopped that chain of thought there.

"Because I thought he might like it."

Max turned around. The tears couldn’t be held back now. They flooded her face as she clenched her hands and walked over to Steve's car at the bottom of the bank. Lucas slipped his hand into her’s, stopping her nails from piercing her palms, and smiled.

The rest of the party joined in,  all going into their cars but not pulling away as Max found herself alone with Billy’s mum. She didn’t exactly want to leave her alone, she didn’t hate her with her entire heart and soul. It was just the knowledge that if one little thing had gone differently then most of her life would be different. Well, you could say that about anything to be honest, so it didn’t hold much weight.

“There were good times, you know?” She said, not turning around. “When he taught me to drive his car, or took me to the movies instead of making me study.”

“If things were different, he could’ve been the Billy you knew, again, at least a little bit.”

She was silent behind her. Max went to get into Steve’s car, she could see everyone looking through the windows.

“Thank you for sending me that invite.” Was all she said as Max got into the car.

She watched her turn back to Billy’s grave and kneel down, her hand on her mouth. It was weird, this woman who’d missed so much, was grieving more than anyone. Perhaps you could mourn the living after all?

----

If there's one thing that I really appreciated in Stranger Things 4, it was that it showed Max's comflicted feelings, and part of me does know that Vol 2 was solely written by the Duffer Brothers who probably wanted to just make Max hate Billy, but I like to think that she holds both feelings in her heart. Billy was horrible when he was alive but he died before they could've been close, what if he'd gotten a chance to change? And her time before he died seems so much better compared to her life in Season 4 but it's all nostalgia so was it really better? I love it! Also Billy's mum, I basically put all my thoughts on her in here too, she was hurt and ran but she also left her kid behind to become horrible. I tried to foreshadow something for a future Stranger Things fic I've been planning for a while here with Max talking about seeing ghosts because I would love for her to be able to see them as she's died and also is blind so what if she can only see ghosts?

Thanks for reading! @whumptober-archive

[simplysummers]

Weird Questions ask!

3, 6, 7, 11, 13, 18, 26, and 36

Damn Pax that a lotta numbers. It’s giving 2021 Sev vibes. But thank you!! 💛

3) What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

My writing ritual isn’t really cursed but it is lengthy. I don’t need a lucky charm or to flick the lights a certain way, but my editing process is as follows. Cry. Cry. Cry. (No I just have to go over it at least eight times in both audio and visual formatting. And considering my fics are around 8-12k a chapter, it’s a lot.)

6) What is your darkest fear about writing?

That people won’t like anything about it. I don’t mind constructive criticism, especially because I’m doing this for a degree and it’ll make me a better writer, but I just hate the idea of someone liking absolutely nothing about my work, that all of their reaction is just negative.

7) What is your deepest joy about writing?

Just the utter freedom it gives me. Cringe I know but, it really does just take me some place else and I love it. Also when I get positive feedback, that brings me so much joy.

11) Do you believe in the old advice to "kill your darlings?" Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

Well I do and I don’t. I do in the sense that sometimes things can be unnecessary, and they need to go for the overall outcome of the story, but sometimes I just love a scene/character/line so much that I don’t want to take it out, especially if the impact isn’t changed massively, so I’m not super ruthless. Like with Greta Gerwig and Barbie, how she wouldn’t take out the scene with the old lady cause she loved it. But I do grieve sometimes, and I do have a little folder for pieces of writing that I love so much that I know I can use elsewhere if I do end up cutting them out.

13) What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Easy would be anything family related, I think I handle that very well. I don’t think there’s anything I can’t write about, but I definitely have a preference to avoid certain things.

18) Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

Passage: Seren's hand dragged along the edge of the metal railing attached to the side of her hospital bed, the chilling surface instantly cooling the clammy flesh of her palm. She liked the cold, preferred it even, the cold had always been a bearable force that could be rectified with layers of clothing and hot beverages, or even embraced and allowed to consume ones person, to snap them back to the reality of the natural elements.

On the opposing end, the heat was practically inescapable, you can only extract so much coverage before you're as bare as the day you were born, and even then people fell short and were still consumed by its waves. The heat was a predetermined source of torture, and she'd had enough of it.

Four years of consistent heat, darkened hallways, cells and endless hours of binding pain were enough to convince her that moving to Alaska or Iceland didn't seem like a bad idea in the near future.

Much like a fever, hot climates were infectious too, she noticed immediately that her hand warmed the metal beneath it ever so slightly, natural body heat radiating from her skin and contaminating the opposing chill beneath it.

Heat concurred, heat destroyed. The world at its core was hot, and the world...the world at its core was evil.

This is a piece of original work I’ve been working on since I was in my teens. It’s about a story of a girl who is healing from a deep trauma, ikr so original, but it really focuses on the recovery from said trauma and how it’s not all one straight line uphill. I feel like so many thriller books focus solely on the trauma itself, and not what that trauma does to you afterwards. I also sent this to my uni professor, along with other extracts and he said it showed extreme promise. So win ig!

26) How do you get into your character's head How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

I get in just by either watching/reading all of their clips/passages (if it’s a fanfic), and if it’s original then I literally just lay there and ✨think✨. Sometimes it isn’t nice coming out of that because I make myself cry, but the result is worth it.

36) They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

I’m actually doing my end of semester assignment for scriptwriting on a girl who is suffering with an eating disorder, because I actually suffered with a very severe ED in my early teens. I’m doing a lot better now, that’s for sure, but those feelings and emotions are tied to me in a lot of different ways, so it makes for good writing material (which sounds grim doesn’t it).

[shadowbannedthehedgehog]

locked in a silent one sided war with the caribbean studies dept of my uni who is responsible for my thesis all bc the rejected my original thesis topic n i was very passionate abt it n from my in dept search none of the other papers actually discussed my topic so they pretty much wrongly rejected my topic n i tried to prove that and got ignored so yeah i'm pissed and like i'm not going to any of the seminars which my attendance at is mandatory bc i hate them n clearly they personally hate me too and it's a war i mean is this all me exaggerating? yh but this is how i see things i mean at least now i'm also better at seeing that the way i see things is a bit over the top doesnt really change the way i see it tho n like i still think my perception of all of this is justified bc fuck them? i had like my whole life attached to tht topic ok so yeah i mean the seminars are recorded n shared afterwards so it's not like the end of the world tht i dont go n there's like what myb 100ish students yh attendance is marked but like me being there wld be less uh noticable than me skipping n since i'm probably already "under their radar" having full absences for the seminar is probably a kind of bad idea ahah but whatever it also genuinely clashes with my german class so yh i mean myb im overeacting being unreasonable n being led by my emotions but it's the way i see it n myb it's wrong but again when i think abt it my first thought is fuck them fr??? bc they like destroyed my carefully planned out life (final yr of uni) n now i'm scrambling everything is uncertain n yh ok myb the average person wld just fuck it we ball but myb i'm not the average person n they shld be more uh considerate of the ppl whose lives they try to ruin with their stuck up haughty selfish academia practices like truly if i had found even one study tht even minorly mentioned content based instruction i wld still be upset n pissy abt it but i wld've stepped down n admitted i was wrong but i cant find one that even mention those words so it's like not to sound like a broken record but fuck them screams n ik like at the end of the day anything i do will only be sabotaging myself bc like this thesis is for me it's not benefitting them in any way whatsoever which is yk also why theyare fully removed n disconnected from the situation n thus have full liberty n dont care abt how their actions impact us bc i mean they've made it in life n we can all die for all the care except then ahaha how wld they cash in the big bucks for ruining our lives n making it more difficult than it has to be yk yah whatever i hate them n tht's tht ✌

[bonesandthebees]

I'm kinda curious, just to compare the uni difficulties- what's the most difficult thing you've done in math or physics or chemistry? Whichever subjects you took!

- ❄️

oh this is a question alright hm... most difficult thing I've done? I mean that definitely depends bc everyone's opinion on what's difficult is different, but if we're just going general subject matter uh

organic chemistry wasn't necessarily difficult for me concept wise, but organic chem II was the first class i ever failed in uni and had to retake because it was just so many reactions to memorize. I really hated electrochemistry though I don't even know why I just struggled so much with it 😭

physics sucked for me for many reasons. I took it my senior year of uni so at that point i was barely trying and definitely went through most of it in a haze. I remember anything to do with circuits (capacitors and all that stuff) kind of went right over my head, along with again stuff to do with electric charges, fields, potential, etc. meanwhile I actually enjoyed quantum physics? also I liked nuclear chemistry so there might be a pattern emerging here-

math :( I hated math :(( I took calculus I and II (and also took AP calc in high school and passed I just didn't bother taking the AP exam) but I definitely didn't enjoy it. I still don't understand limits.