#I have a post in my drafts that I’m hesitant to post about all the ships I have that have less canon support than Tevan

[lovecla]

TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY | quinn hughes.

00.1. the first time you saw quinn hughes.

➴ warnings: mentions of shitty family.

➴ word count: 1.08k

➴ author’s note: this has been sitting on my drafts for days because i wasn’t brave enough to post it. but this story is very important to me and i promised myself i’d stop doubting what i write and just go for it. i hope with all my heart u guys like this ♡

౨ৎ

2013, SEPTEMBER.

THE first time you saw Quinn Hughes you were eleven years old.

Your family had just bought the house next to his, a beautiful four bedroom house with lots of space and a beautiful backyard— the perfect house for a family of four.

It was a week after you all settled in, your Dad as a Sports Medicine Physician working for a Hockey Canadian team, the Toronto Maple Leafs— the whole reason why you moved in the first place— your Mom as a Editor-in-Chief for the Fashion magazine, one of Canada's leading fashion publications, featuring content related to fashion, beauty, culture, and modeling and your brother, Peter, in High School as a freshman.

You were sitting on your porch, while you waited for Peter to be back so you could convince him to play football with you. He always said no, but you didn't give up. A few minutes later, Peter got out of your neighbor’s house, alongside another boy, who was slightly shorter than Peter.

You watched as they both walked towards your house, talking about something you couldn’t hear. You remember being so enamored with the sight of the boy that you couldn’t stop fidgeting your hands.

They stopped right in front of you, and while Peter was ready to ignore you and move on with his day— he’d been doing that more and more since he started High School— the other boy stopped and looked right at you.

“You didn’t tell me you have a sister.” The boy said, looking at your brother for a second before turning back at you.

“Oh, yeah,” Peter shrugged. “That’s Madison. She’s ten.”

“I’m eleven,” you corrected, voice soft and quiet.

“Whatever,” he scoffed, grabbing his keys so he could open the front door.

“Can you play with me now?” You asked, getting up from your seat, finally noticing how tall this other boy was. “I have the ball with me already.” You pointed at the ball that sat on the same couch you were also sitting not a minute ago.

“No, Madison. I’m with Quinn now.” Peter said, pointing at the boy beside him, who was now frowning at your brother.

Quinn. That’s a funny name, you remember thinking.

“We can play with her, I don’t mind—” the boy, Quinn, said, already reaching for the ball.

“Nah, bro. She’s annoying as hell. Once you pick that ball up, you won’t be able to let it go for like, three hours.” Peter replied, already opening the door.

You felt yourself tearing up and even though you hated crying in front of your brother, you couldn’t help it. Growing up, he was your best friend. Your hero even, when your parents decided that arguing during dinner, in front of their children, was a nice thing to do and he would make funny faces at you across the table just so you could laugh. When he pretended to yell at the monster under your bed or when he let you paint his nails with your pink nail polish.

But somewhere between turning fifteen and entering High School, he changed. And you hated every inch of this new Peter Carter.

He entered the house, shouting something, probably announcing to your mom that he was home. And you stood there, looking at your hands.

“Next time, I’ll play with you, okay?” Quinn, who was still standing in front of you, hesitated, looking as devastated as ever.

You felt embarrassed and you got out of there as fast as you could, running back inside and nestling yourself between your covers and plushies.

౨ৎ

YOU didn’t think Quinn had meant what he had said the other day, so you were surprised to see that he showed up the next morning, when both of your parents were at work and Peter was asleep in his bedroom upstairs.

“Hey,” he greeted you, stepping on your backyard patio and looking around. “Nice place you got here. We can play for a long time without risking throwing the ball in Mrs. Wright window.”

You giggled, remembering Mrs. Wright's funny wig.

“I’m Quinn Hughes.” He introduced himself after a while.

“I know that,” you whispered, watching as he laughed. “How old are you?”

“I’m thirteen, but I turn fourteen on October 14th,” he said. “You’re eleven, right?”

“Yes. My birthday was in May. I got this ball,” you raised the ball you were holding so he could see it better. It had your name on it. “And I also got new clothes for my plushies.”

“That sounds nice,” he nodded. “I’ll probably get a new stick on my birthday.”

“Why would you need a stick?” You asked, not sure what he could do with a stick. A tree’s stick. At least that’s what you thought a stick was.

Maybe he wants to put it on his fireplace.

“I play Hockey,” he answered and you still didn’t understand. The only thing you knew about Hockey was that it was the reason you and your family moved to Toronto. So it probably wasn’t a good thing. “And I need a new one.”

“Well, if it makes you happy, then I guess it’s fine,” you shrugged, poking your ball. “But that will probably be boring. You should ask for something cooler.”

He laughed again, sitting on the grass beside you. “I’ll think about that. Thank you for your advice.”

You puffed your chest a little, happy to feel useful for once.

That morning, you and Quinn didn’t end up playing; instead, you talked for hours, with you both asking each other questions about literally everything. From what’s your favorite color to what you wanna be when you grow up.

You could feel your heart racing in your chest every time you stared into his blue eyes that sometimes morphed into a light green shade, but you didn’t understand why. Quinn was being nice, he was treating you just like Peter did before you moved to Toronto and it felt so, so nice.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” You asked, right before he left for lunch at his house.

“I think so.” He smiled, quickly patting you on the head. He gave you a short wave before moving back to his home.

And you just stood there, counting the seconds so that maybe tomorrow would come faster, and you’d finally have a friend again.

[tenebrous-academic]

I think starting off with bucktommy having so many scenes focusing on them just made us greedy (Understandable, how could you get enough of them?😭). Like I'm mourning tommy's scene with henren. It's already established that chimney is bucktommy warrior but I really wanted to see how things between hen and tommy are. Like damn, there's no way we're finding out huh?

But considering how short the season is I think tim is doing a good job at establishing bt. We've seen tommy in many 118 important moments (the rescue, madney's wedding, the ceremony, even mentioned in Bobby's goodbye 😭, and the hospital). It's safe to say that tommy is like no other love interest. And buck already knows/feels that much. We only need the little nudge that makes him go: "yes, he's is the one for me". Could be in the hospital scene, could be not.

But the desperation is felt and REAL, like it's our last chance to get any substantial bt scenes to live off during the hiatus. It's gonna be wild out there

Anon, we were given a FEAST at the start of this season. The soft conversations, the chin grabs, the promise of something more beginning to blossom???? We had everything we wanted in the start of their relationship. The queer awakening of Buck was given so much attention and screen time (as it should) and, once the storyline focused on other characters (as it also should because this isn’t just the Buck show), we had to make do with small interactions and background scenes. But oh my, what we were given to begin with was almost too good to be true. It was such an authentic start to a relationship. The chemistry, awkwardness, earnestness, and desire was so amazing to witness because it felt so real and lasting. And it’s created such a believable couple that we’re still here, even though we’ve basically had nothing else to go off of since the kiss in the hospital.

It absolutely makes sense that people are saying it doesn’t feel like we’ve been shown enough of an established relationship because we were given so much of the start of the relationship. There seems to be a disconnect now where, if people aren’t shown it, then it just doesn’t exist. I don’t agree with it, but I understand why some fans are upset or are claiming it’s not there.

And, because this fandom is amazing, we’ve thought of all the scenes and interactions we want to see. Just look at A03 for the sheer untapped potential of Tevan content. But we’re not getting them because this show already has so much to showcase. RIP Hen and Tommy discussion scene, RIP Hen and Buck heart-to-heart over Buck’s newly discovered bisexual identity.

I completely agree that Tim is doing his best to give everyone equal screen time. We already know he’s returned from his Lone Star vacation with a determination to bring Buck back to former glory and I think the journey he’s on now is going to be incredible to witness. Tim is laying a foundation for Tevan in a way that isn’t monopolizing the screen (which we know Buddie fans would also complain about if that were happening) and he’s giving us just enough crumbs to keep us fed. The scenes you highlighted are so important and it’s weaving Tommy into the fabric of the 118. You’re so right that it’s unlike any other love interest. Taylor was there but we know she was there for the stories and the exploitation. Tommy is there for Buck.

Depending on what we get next episode for the finale this hiatus is going to be so wild. If we’re lucky, we’ll get some truly sweet moments between Tommy and Buck. If we’re not lucky, Tommy will only be there briefly (or maybe even only mentioned) and we’ll have to rely on fanfics to sustain us with codas and AUs.

Either way, what a way to go.

[last-in-line-for-hell]

// n$fw

Wei Wuxian loving being manhandled, loving riding Lan Wangji because it’s the position Lan Wangji hits him deepest, Wei Wuxian producing his own slick, teasing Lan Wangji that their “everydays” will lead to Wei Wuxian getting pregnant, him acting like a total brat to get Lan Wangji to snap and be as rough as he can…I love this ridiculous brat of a bottom.

[starkwlkr]

Love your baby Leclerc series! ❤️ If you're into the idea, maybe you'd like to write about Charles' little girl being sick and him being all worried and taking care of her? 🥺

my baby | charles leclerc

note: i am not taking requests, i am just posting my drafts

It started in the middle of the night when Ruby woke up Charles. She had her favorite blanket wrapped around her with her bunny slippers on her cold feet. She stood beside Charles, who was snoring. She called his name several times, but he didn’t wake up so she tried poking his arm until he woke up. When that didn’t work, she remembered the story that she overheard the other day about something that Charles had shouted.

“Box! Box!” She raised her voice slightly.

It was like a trigger word for Charles that instantly brought bad memories and anxiety. The driver woke up immediately and saw that his daughter was standing in front of him.

“What time is it?” He wondered as he rubbed his tired eyes.

“I don’t know, but I’m hurting, papa.” Ruby whined.

“What’s wrong, my Ruby Jules?” Charles asked.

“My head is hurting and I’m cold.” She whispered.

Charles pressed his hand against Ruby’s forehead and felt it warm. She was getting a fever and you weren’t home. You were on a trip with Mathéo to your home country to visit your parents. Ruby had school so Charles stayed behind since he had a break from racing.

“You wanna sleep beside papa? I’ll get some medicine so you can feel better.” Charles uncovered himself and stood up from his bed . He took Ruby into his arms and laid her onto his bed then covered her with the blanket.

“Papa, Floppy is alone in my room! He doesn’t like being alone!” Ruby gasped.

“I’ll go get Floppy, just stay here.” Charles said then kissed Ruby’s warm forehead. His first stop was to get medicine from the cabinet in kitchen. He read the directions on the bottle then grabbed a spoon. His next stop was Ruby’s bedroom where he retrieved his daughter’s favorite stuffed bunny named Floppy.

“Floppy!” Ruby called out as Charles made his way back into his room. He carefully set the bunny on the bed for her to grab.

“Time for your medicine, mon amour,” he sat on the edge of the bed as he started to open the bottle of medicine.

“I don’t want that.” Ruby used Floppy to hide her face.

“Ruby Jules, if you want to get better, you have to drink your medicine.” Charles said. Ruby hesitated, but sat up so she could drink from the spoon filled with medicine that her papa had poured.

“Does it taste like candy?” She asked.

“I don’t know, how about you taste it and then tell me.”

So she did, but instantly realized that it did not taste like candy.

“Yuck!” She made a face at her papa wondering why he even bought that disgusting liquid into the house.

“Okay, you did good. Scoot, your papa wants some cuddles.” Charles got under the covers then brought Ruby closer to him.

Morning came and Ruby was still sick. She had a stuffy nose and her fever had gotten worse. She didn’t even feel like getting out of Charles’ bed so when it was breakfast time, he brought a plate of pancakes and fruit to her.

“Papa, it hurts.” Ruby groaned as she hugged Floppy. Charles was starting to question if he should take her to the emergency room. He had texted you early in the morning about Ruby’s condition. You replied that you would get on the next flight to Monaco, but he assured you that he could handle it.

At least he thought he could.

“I know, Ruby, I know,” Charles placed a kiss on her cheek. “You know, grand-mére told me that taking a bath makes you feel better. I’m going to fill the bath, okay?”

“Can you put bubbles and the toys?” She mumbled weakly.

“Anything for you.”

After getting the bath ready with bubbles and toys, Ruby got in. The water made her feel slightly better, but blowing bubbles and playing with rubber ducks with her papa made her smile ten times more.

“Hello mister duck, you look nice today!” Charles tried doing different voices for each duck. “Thank you, little duck!”

“The ducks should have names, papa.” Ruby said.

“You’re right, what should the ducks be called?” Charles asked.

“This one is called Arthur and this one Lorenzo.” Ruby laughed as she pointed to the two ducks that Charles had in his hands.

“I guess that just leaves Charles the duck.” The Ferrari driver grabbed the third duck that was floating in the bubbly water.

“No, papa! His name is Floppy two.” Ruby grabbed the duck from Charles’ hands and played with it.

“Floppy two . . . I guess he can be called that.”

When bath time came to an end, Charles let Ruby get dressed by herself, something she always wanted to do. As Ruby got dressed in her room, Charles prepared dinner for them. Before he could finish the mac and cheese for his daughter, the doorbell rang.

He walked to the front door and opened it revealing his brothers Lorenzo and Arthur, along with Lorenzo’s girlfriend, Charlotte. “Where is my favorite niece?” Arthur asked.

“Hello, Arthur, it’s so nice to see you. I’m doing good, thanks for asking.” Charles rolled his eyes as he let his family in.

“How is Ruby?” Lorenzo asked.

“She’s better. She just took a bath, that definitely helped a lot.” Charles explained.

“Papa! I can’t put my shoe on!” The Leclerc heard Ruby shout. She walked down the stairs with a pink tutu, purple leggings, a Barbie shirt and one shoe on while she held the other in her left hand.

“Interesting choice of clothing, Ruby.” Arthur laughed.

“It’s called fashion and Ruby is a pro at it, Arthur!” Charlotte playfully hit Arthur’s arm. “I’ll help you, Ruby, come on.” Charlotte led the little girl to the living room.

“Yeah, Arthur, it’s called fashion!” Ruby sassed.

Arthur cringed. “She just called me Arthur.”

“That’s your name.” Lorenzo replied.

“Yeah, but she’s my niece. It’s weird hearing it from her.”

[sanakiras]

TIDAL WAVE OF LOVE

PAIRING — choi seungcheol x reader

WORD COUNT — 1.3k

SYNOPSIS — even the strongest of people break sometimes. you’re used to hiding your feelings; your boyfriend is there for you when everything gets too much.

TAGS — angst, self-esteem issues, fear of failure, mc has a bit of a breakdown :(( but also a lil comfort

NOTE — cleaning out the drafts bc i have too many 😭 this is wayyyy shorter than my usual works but i still felt like posting it <3 i had a very stressful semester in uni before the summer break and i came across this video on twt of coups giving wonwoo a little comforting squeeze which i found very endearing sooo that kinda became the inspo for this!

the moment he calls out a greeting to you from his kitchen, you close your eyes for a moment. it would’ve probably been wiser to have gone home instead of his place.

you greet him the same way, hoping he doesn’t hear the crack in your voice.

“how was your day?” he asks you once he’s returned to the living room, giving you a kiss.

you press your lips together. “fine. nothing special.”

the first thing he notices is the lack of eye contact you make with him. you’re also being considerably less touchy with him than usual, which he finds strange.

“everything okay?”

“yeah.” you put up a smile that doesn’t appear genuine in the slightest.

he figures you could just be in a bad mood — but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

he knows for a fact that it’s not with the way you’re trying real hard to hide your face from him. you only do that when you’re upset about something.

“baby, talk to me.”

“about what?”

the response comes out snappier than you meant it to. you two have been together quite a while — so he’s come to know that you tend to get a little colder and distant before the dam breaks.

you look at him so briefly to the point where he’d miss the motion if he blinked. the expression equals a silent apology.

of course he always does his best to give you whatever space you need. that being said, he’s also come to know you get into your own head a lot, and sometimes there’s someone who needs to pull you out of it.

you bite your lip in a pathetic attempt to hold back your tears. “it’s fine, cheol, just let it go.”

“well, i care about you, sweetheart. what’s going on?” he’s persistent but gentle about it. you have a habit of keeping your feelings to yourself and hardly ever letting anything out, which leads to everything just piling up and making things worse.

“i don’t wanna talk about it.”

the lump in your throat begins to rise.

“i can see that, but you’ve clearly got something you need off your chest. are you okay?”

you don’t show anyone when something’s wrong unless they mention it first. and even when they do, you’re hesitant.

it’s an exhausting way to live, but you still choose to do so.

it’s one of the reasons why you hate crying. your glossy eyes always betray you.

then you make — what you consider to be — the mistake of looking into his big, worried eyes once more, and you just completely fall apart in front of him.

the tears begin to flow before you can even comprehend it.

“it’s just—god, i don’t even know why i’m so fucking emotional, i just—” your breath shudders, the mildly angry expression that was previously on your face now nowhere to be found, “everything’s been so stressful recently, and i’m scared i won’t pass my classes, and i feel like such a slow learner compared to everyone else—”

he’s rubbing your back, just allowing you to you let everything out. he keeps quiet.

“i feel fucking fragile. and weak. every little thing is just too much right now. i’m sorry, i feel stupid.”

he lets you cry into his chest as his arms are wrapped around you, one hand softly rubbing the back of your head. “don’t feel stupid, baby. you can vent to me, always.”

the sound of your heavy sobs hurt him, because he feels like you’re always so hard on yourself, but he’s glad you’re releasing them. it’s healthier to let it all out than to keep it in.

“it’s just like i can’t breathe, y’know?” you mutter in the crook of his neck, subconsciously wetting his shirt with your tears, “i can’t take a single break ‘cause i’ll fall behind. i’m so tired. i feel like i’m not even smart enough to take the damn course, let alone pass the fucking test—”

once he feels like you’re about to start hyperventilating, he moves back to let him look at you. “long breaths. you’re okay, just breathe with me.”

he purposefully takes long, deep breaths, counting the seconds out loud to guide you, and it works. your breathing is steadying bit by bit, sobs faltering, melting into soft hiccups and numbness.

with dried tears and a slightly hoarse voice, you let out a sigh. “i just hate feeling so incompetent. for once, i’d love to feel smart. i wanna feel like i’m able to keep up as well as everyone else does, y’know? i’m… i’m procrastinating everything and i don’t know how to change it. it all sucks.”

“it’s not easy, baby. don’t be too hard on yourself.” he presses a swift kiss to your skin, and you hold him tighter, as if he were to slip out of your hold if you didn’t.

“it’s not easy for me. it is for them.”

“there’s nothing wrong with that. would you think differently if someone in your class had to put more effort into passing the course? you wouldn’t, right? because at the end of the day, you both make it to the finish line. that’s what matters.”

deep down, you know he has a point. you put the pressure so high on yourself, yet don’t apply the same logic to your peers.

you don’t really understand why.

“and you say it’s easy for them, but i know for sure that they put more effort into it than you might think. trust me. you’ll get to where you want to be, one way or another. if you take a little longer to do that than a classmate, who cares. it’s your life. i know you’ve worked so hard—” he twirls a strand of your hair between his fingers, “even if you don’t pass that class now, it won’t be the end of the world, and there’ll be another chance. you’ll get there.”

now there’s just a few last tears running down your cheeks. “except i’m worried that i won’t.”

“you will. and once you do, you’ll be happy that you got to that point because you worked hard and deserve that success. if not today, then tomorrow. yeah?”

you take a deep breath, exhaling slowly, the last shudders of your breakdown bubbling to the surface as your heart rate finally slows back to normal. “yeah. thank you.”

to show your gratitude, you give him a hug, which he happily embraces, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“anytime. i’m here for you.”

even the strongest of people break — but they can still pick up the pieces and start over.

do your best (but maybe not sometimes) <3

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[norrizzandpia]

i think this would suit lando but you being down and lando comes over later at night and takes you the park like two little kids, i can just imagine lando being a big kid at the park lmao

I’m going to need someone to love me like the fictional lando i write abt 24/7

We Can Be Kids For Right Now (LN4)

Summary: When her week has tried to suffocate her, Lando turns up at her door and forces her to remember just how worthy she truly is.

Warnings: mentions of heavy anxiety attacks, anxiety in general, language

Note: a draft bc im wrecked rn from this trip im on im so tried lol… I hate that I have to start saying this but I do not condone the reposting of my work without proper crediting or permission. If you wish to post my works elsewhere, it needs to be ran by me first by messages over Tumblr. If found that you have taken my works without my knowledge, I will report you and get my posts taken down from your blog.

Y/n never truly realized she did it until Lando, but when the man started to get close to her, he brought it to her attention that she so easily isolated herself when she started struggling. Even the smallest inconvenience and she shut down, something that irritated the hell out of Lando. Nevertheless, he loved her and the way she dealt with her emotions was something he knew she just needed to work on.

However, the problem they couldn’t get past was her ability to tell him when she was struggling. There were only so many times when he could see it written all over her face.

His comments urging her to open up to him when she was having a hard time dealing with it on her own bounced around in her head as she clutched her phone in her hands, his contact picture brightening her screen. His smile beamed back at her, almost coaxing her into tapping the call button, but her thumb hesitated. It wasn’t that she was afraid of telling him, it was that she was uncomfortable with her own emotions. Uncomfortable of leaning into them. Growing up, she was never given that ability, her parents not having the full capacity to address them head on. She never thought it truly affected her until Lando. She started realizing that he never gave her a problem to be scared, but she still was.

Her thumb had a mind of its own, though. Thankfully. And the ringing tone met her ears before she could even know what was happening. His picking up happened before she could even begin to think about hanging up the phone.

“Baby!” His cheery voice rang through the quiet room and warmed her tender heart. “What’s up? Why are you up so late? Do you want a sweet treat again?” He giggled, his TV pausing in the background.

She was silent. Her mind raced as she tried to make the split second decision of telling him or not. Though, in her silence, he began formulating an answer.

“Y/n…” He whispered, blankets rustling as she imagined him sitting up on his couch.

“Lan,” She said brokenly, albeit with an effort of trying to sound strong.

Keys rustling and his rushed, “I’m on my way, baby,” were her response.

—

Lando knew where the spare key was. It was one of the first things he asked the location of after they first said I love you. Y/n would always laugh at that memory. What she was expecting after the three words were shared was a small kiss or a hug maybe, but no, he had asked her where her spare key was. When she showed him and he very clearly took a mental note of it, she asked him what was so important about it.

“I’m your boyfriend and we’re in love. I should know where the spare key is, baby.” He had said to her so nonchalantly, as if it was societally normal to have that thought process. She just shook her head at him and took the kiss she wanted for herself. He wasn’t going to do it anyway, too entranced in the image of her spare key under her doormat. He was shenanigans bundled into one person. She loved it.

His rapping on the door pulled her from her memories. She drudged over, taking a deep breath before opening the door. He stood there in his pajamas, puffer coat thrown over haphazardly, and stared at her sympathetically. He shuffled in, arm rounding around her shoulders as he kissed her head, “Hard day?”

She sighed, “Hard week.”

He led her to the couch. The layout of her apartment was memorized in his head. “What happened?”

“I just-” She picked at her fingernails and the anxiety she usually felt when Lando asked about her worries began bubbling up. Maybe it was growth, but she thought he’s already here, isn’t he? Might as well lean on him.

So, she did. Literally and figuratively.

Lando squeezed her body as her side laid on his and she started reliving the low moments of the past few days. “Everything has gone wrong this week. I just can’t seem to win and I can’t make anyone happy.”

Tears filled her eyes and a frown appeared on her face. She cried into his shoulder when he pushed her body further into it.

Lando sat with her for a moment, rubbing her back. “That’s not true, Y/n. You make a lot of people happy. You make me really happy.”

For some reason, his comment shot fear through her body and she pulled from him. Her eyes looked anywhere other than his and the irrational idea of an expectation Lando had set for her that she did not believe in herself to meet took control of whatever plan she had to open up to him.

Lando saw it in her eyes, how distant they got. He knew this was bound to happen. It had been too easy. She had opened up to him without that much restraint and he expected a moment to come where her walls rebuilt themselves.

He just wanted her to let him in.

His hands took her face, “You deserve me. You will not let me down. You could never let me down.” He said, knowing exactly what was running through her mind.

“Y/n, look at me.” He tilted his head to meet her eyes and forced her to keep his stare, “I love you. That will never change.”

She cried harder, “I can’t even open up to you, Lan. I’m not even a good employee at a job I’m overqualified for. Yesterday, I handed in that presentation to my boss that I had been working on for weeks and when I presented it to the board of all fucking people, there was a grammatical error on one of the slides. I had confused ‘your’ and ‘you are’, Lan. It was embarrassing. They laughed and joked about it after. I can’t even fucking do my job. And I upset my mum on Wednesday. I hung up on her during an argument and now she isn’t talking to me. I’m being condemned, Lan. I can’t fucking breathe. My dad’s texting me, telling me how disrespectful I had been, but nobody hears about the parts where she called me an irresponsible adult and ridiculed me for taking a job that didn’t make me that much. Nobody wants to hear my side of the story, the part where she was so grossly unsupportive. Then, I had to cancel on Cameron on Tuesday again because I’m so fucking tired and so fucking busy. She got mad at me and now we’re in this fight because I’ve neglected our friendship. I’m a shit friend, a shit daughter, a shit worker, and it’s so obvious I’m a shit girlfriend. I can’t fucking do anything right.”

By the end of her rant, she was breathless and Lando could see she was talking herself into an anxiety attack. Her hurtful words toward herself needed to be dealt with, but he needed to stop the panic seeping into her skin.

He took her hand and kissed her head, “Come with me, my love.”

She kept crying as he led her to his car, his arm wrapped around her body securely as he whispered words of reassurance in her ear. He reminded her of how strong she was, of how much he loved her and admired her for everything she was. How wrong she was about everything she had convinced herself of.

When he softly laid her in the passenger seat, he kneeled down and kissed her shoulder, brushing her hair off the skin lightly. He looked up at her with deep green eyes filled with safety, “Don’t listen to your mind right now, baby. It’s only telling you lies.”

He lightly closed the door, running around the car to slip into the driver’s seat. When he turned the engine on, his hand settled on her thigh and began rubbing softly. He backed down and drove down the road, toward a small park at the end of her street. It was quick, maybe a minute or two, and Y/n was still crying when they parked, but it subsided momentarily when she saw where they were.

“Why are we at the park?” Lando grabbed her hand and kissed the knuckles.

He laid his cheek down on the back of her palm, murmuring, “Because it’ll be fun to be kids for right now. Not have to think about what you’re going through. We can address that later.”

A sigh of relief left her chest. The moment he had given her an opportunity to run away from it all, even for a few minutes, she almost began to feel as though she would find peace.

He always knew exactly what to do.

She gathered herself, wiping away the tears and smoothing down her hair as Lando walked back to her door, opening it and offering his hand as help for her to get out of the car. She took it. She always would. The cold air hit her body and she shivered. Lando was immediate in offering her his coat.

She shook her head, “No, I’m okay for right now.” She was just now realizing how she hadn’t gone outside in days. The cold air made her feel alive again.

Lando’s hand continued to clutch hers as they took steps toward the large structure. When she let go of his, he tensed, but he relaxed when he saw her wandering over to the slides.

She climbed up the ladder, him following behind, and found herself sat in the entryway of the whirling slide.

“Wait, wait!” Lando yelped before she could push herself down. Her head whipped around to meet his eyes.

She smiled and her body warmed when his found a seat behind her, his body consuming her and his hands wrapping around the low point of her waist. His ear right beside her ear, he kissed the top of the skin, “Now, you can go. We can go down faster, no? Seeing as I go fast for a living.”

His questionable logic made her laugh before he was pushing them off and the two were turning fast around the corner of the yellow tube. Her giggling ensued with the way he jostled them around on purpose to make the slide more exhilarating for two twenty-four year olds. And in the heat of the moment, seeing her hair float in the air and a carefree smile on her face, Lando wished she could see herself the way he did. She was superb, unbelievable. She held the strength and courage of someone so commendable. She was kind even when she had seen things and experienced trauma so young that should’ve, understandably so, made her bitter. She was merciful even when she shouldn’t be and she loved Lando in a way he had only ever dreamed of. The way she treated him, the gentleness she approached him with, was something he knew he could never let go of. She was beautiful in so many other ways than just her appearance. She was deeply beautiful and he wished she could just understand that.

When they reached the end, their bodies stopping abruptly right at the edge, Y/n laid her head back against his shoulder. He kissed her temple, “Fun?”

She nodded with a smile, “Somehow, you did make it faster.”

He shot her a look, as if to question why she didn’t believe him in the first place. He pushed her off him, sprinting to the swings and screaming for her to follow him.

“Lando! Be quiet! You’ll wake up the entire neighborhood!” She whisper-yelled at him, laughing as she ran after him.

He threw himself in the seat and began swinging his legs, no doubt gaining momentum but beckoning her over for help nonetheless.

She stood behind him, bracing herself firmly on the ground as she pushed his heavy body up off the ground. When he would meet her back on the ground, he’d lean back so his back would almost come crashing into her front. It made her laugh.

“Lando!” He couldn’t see her, but he knew how radiant she must’ve been looking. Even in his head, he continued to fall in love with her.

She kept pushing him until her arms got tired and she flopped away from him, onto the ground, in a heap of heavy breaths. When he didn’t feel her small hands on his back anymore, he jumped off the swing and joined her on the ground.

It didn’t matter how cold it was or how dirty it inevitably was, they were together and Y/n’s smile lingered on her pretty face.

Lando’s hand laced with hers in between their bodies as he softly whispered, “You’re not a shit daughter, your parents don’t know what they have and they’re too emotionally immature to realize that. You’re not a shit friend, Cameron knows that, you’re just struggling and that’s okay. You’re not a shit worker, you’re actually heavily valuable to your boss and the people around you. They’ve all told you that. And Y/n, look at me,” She turned her head to meet his meaningful ones, “You are not a shit girlfriend. You are the complete opposite. You are everything I’ve ever wanted and could ever ask for. You have no idea how in love with you I am. It’s even hard for me to understand sometimes. There is no one I have ever loved, love, or will love more than you. You are the most important thing to me, so please stop talking about yourself in this way and believing in something that has never been true.”

Everything about the moment is gentle. From the way his thumb caressed her skin to the enunciation of every word that came from his mouth, he made it clear how much love prospers for her within him every day and every minute.

She turned on her side and took his cheek in her hand, “Thank you for helping me, Lan.”

His hand squeezed her waist, “Of course, my love. You’re my favorite.”

She felt her heart blush, if that’s even possible. Maybe her face was the one blushing? She didn’t know. The way Lando looked at her as if she started life itself made her mind feel fuzzy.

Fuzzy enough to realize he was right. She wasn’t a failure or a horrible person. She was a human who made mistakes and many people loved her in spite of it. Lando being one of them.

He loved her in a way she had always craved. She both needed and wanted him. So did he. They were the beginning and end of everything for the other. It showed well that night as they held each other on the concrete of that park. It showed well because, at one am on a random Saturday, Lando had dropped everything he has doing the moment he heard the anguish in her voice. It showed well because Lando’s clear words made Y/n realize he wanted her and no one else. There was no one else like her, no one to ever replace her. Not that he would ever want that anyway. She was completely unique in the most precious way and maybe… just maybe… she was beginning to realize that too.

[zeltqz]

call me or not, it's up to you pt 2 | haitani ran

☰ — synopsis : you finally called ran back after a disagreement with your boyfriend.

☰ — pairing : haitani ran x fem!reader ☰ — length : 5.8k words ☰ — contents : nsfw and 18+ contents, mentions of violence, protected sex, protective ran ☰ — notes : this has been in the drafts for WEEEKS but i had to post for my mans birthday, couldn't miss it

On the way home, Ran’s peaceful drive was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. Initially he would’ve ignored it, but one glance to where his phone was sitting in the cup holder, he almost lost control of the wheel seeing your name. The streets were fairly empty at this time of night, so nobody was disrupted when he pulled over abruptly, clearing his throat before answering.

“Hello?”

Soft sniffles filled the car from where his phone was connected to his speakers, and his concern grew significantly. “Ran?”

“Why are you crying?” he asked, fingers tightening against the wheel as he waited for you to continue.

You paused briefly, exhaling exhaustedly. “A—are you busy right now?”

“No.” He started driving again, slowly. “But why are you crying?”

“I need you to pick me up. If that’s not too much stress for you. I, um, I really need help.”

“Sure, I mean. Send me your location.” You murmured a soft agreement and he heard your fingernails tapping against the screen, a notification message sliding down his screen seconds later. “Why do you need help? Talk to me.” Ran leaned forward to connect his GPS to your location.

“It’s a long story,” you sighed. He could hear your teeth clattering together as you shivered. It was incredibly dark outside right now, the skies pitch black, streets tinted orange from the streetlights, and the heavy rainfall that’d been plaguing the city for the last few hours. 

“We have time,” Ran responded simply. He could practically feel you hesitating. “(Name) I need the full story here. Talk to me while I come get you.”

You pressed your lips together tightly, wrapping your arms around yourself as you shivered, goosebumps erupting on your skin. Your shirt was soaked through at this point, your jeans soggy and the lack of a coat made you certain you’d catch hypothermia later. 

“I—uh. Basically I got into an argument with um, Masato. You know him? He’s the um, dude from my story. A month ago?”

“I’m aware,” Ran responded dryly.

You swallowed thickly. “Yeah well. He was driving me home and we got into an argument because I didn’t like how he was flirting with one of the waitresses at the restaurant. And then he wanted to check my phone. I said no of course, but not because I was cheating or anything. I just didn’t like how he kept deflecting whenever his issues was brought up. But anyway, the argument escalated and he basically kicked me out the car and left me stranded god knows where. All the buses stopped running an hour ago, and the nearest train station is a 45 minute walk away. I have no money so I can’t call a cab. My wallet is in his car…and everything is just such a mess. I don’t have a jacket, I’m cold and I just don’t know what to do.” 

By the time you finished your voice was tiny, and the sniffles came back as you fought from crying. Ran could practically picture your face right now, all teary eyed and sad and his grip on the wheel tightened immensely. 

“I’m about fifteen minutes away, baby. Okay? Is there anywhere warm you can get to?”

You looked at your surroundings. A lone empty highway, with a diner in the distance, the words “OPEN 24/7” flashing in neon lights. “Yeah. There’s a diner around here.”

Ran looked at the map on his phone and confirmed the location of the diner with you. You nodded and he told you to get there quickly and he’d order you something once he got there. You thanked him and hung up, slowly making your way inside. You felt like a crazy person when you walked in, clothes soaked and wetting their floors as you made your way to sit down by the heater. A few concerned employees and customers glanced at you, but you ignored them in favour of wrapping your arms around yourself, a pitiful attempt of creating warmth.

Ran’s speeding managed to cut the fifteen minute drive into eight, and you were too busy staring at the table, tracing the wooden pattern with your eyes to see him pull into the parking lot. It wasn’t until the bell rang as  he walked did you finally look up and meet his gaze. 

He rushed over to you and you stood up quickly, wrapping your arms around him. He dropped his head to rest on top of yours and he could feel you shaking against him. 

“You alright?” he asked and you nodded, not removing your head from his chest. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, feeling you clutch onto the front of his shirt. 

“Um excuse me?” The two of you broke apart, staring at the waitress that stood a few feet away from you both, a notepad in her hand. “Are you two ordering anything?”

“You hungry?” Ran asked, looking down at you. You shook your head. “Thirsty?” You thought for a minute before nodding. “Hot chocolate for the lady please. Put marshmallows, whipped cream, whatever’s available in there.” He handed her his credit card and turned his attention back to you. “Look at me.”

You tilted your head up to look at him and he reached a tentative hand out to your cheek, cupping it. Your face was wet, from tears or the rain he didn’t know, frankly he didn’t care. His thumbs wiped some of the water away from your cheek, tracing over your features softly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, wiping at your own face. 

“For what?”

“For calling you like this. I didn’t want you to see me like this again. This is so embarrassing.” 

Ran dropped his hand down to your arm, soothing the goosebumps erupted on your skin. “Take this.” He shrugged his jacket off his shoulders and you held your arms out as he helped you fit in through it.

“I look ridiculous,” you said with a teary laugh. 

“You look cute.” He pinched your cheek and you pushed his hands away, a small smile on your face despite it all. The waitress came with your drink and the two of you sat down. He watched you take small sips of your drink, avoiding his intense eye contact.

After you finished your drink, he reached forward and wiped some whipped cream from the corner of your mouth. His thumb traced down to your chin, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away. 

“Thank you for the drink.” You pushed the mug in the middle of the table, wrapping your arms back around yourself. “I’ll pay you back—”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t want you—”

“You just told me your wallet is gone. How are you going to pay me back?”

“...I’ll get it back—”

“Like hell you are,” he interrupted and you sat back, looking at him shocked. “You’re never seeing that man again. I’ll make sure of that.”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “Unbelievable. I didn’t call you so you can control every aspect of my life again Ran.”

He leaned forward, elbows resting on the table. “Why did you call me then? Last I recall, you have plenty of other friends that have cars.” 

“T—that doesn’t matter why I called you, Ran,” you spluttered, not sounding the least bit convincing. His eyebrows rose and so did your temper. “I’m serious. I called you because you were the first person I thought of. You’re thinking too much about it.”

“Sure. If that’s what you believe,” he said, tone dripping with condescension that made you roll your eyes. Times like this is when you realised that missing Ran is completely different than actually being around him. He was insufferable and you remembered exactly why you had to break things off. 

Ran stood from the table, dusting his clothes. “I’ll take you home. Come on.” He held his hand out.

Reluctantly you stood, grabbing your phone and storming past him, ignoring his hand. He simply smirked and followed after you. You waited outside his car, standing by the backseat with your arms crossed, his jacket over your head acting as an umbrella.

He unlocked his car and you slipped into the back.

 “You can sit up front,” he suggested, shrugging when you stubbornly shook your head, staring resolutely out the window. He rolled his eyes, a light smirk still on his face. He drove at a slower speed than he usually would when he saw you starting to doze off against the seats, driving around in circles just to give you enough time to rest. You woke up an hour later, rubbing your eyes and blinking to adjust to the bright lights. 

Looking around you realised you were parked in a familiar looking garage, the car empty. You slipped out of the car and into the house, walking through until you entered the living room. Ran was seated on the couch, watching tv and texting on his phone.

“Uh, Ran?” You approached the couch and he casted a glance in your direction. “Why am I here?”

“You really thought I’d take you home after that story you just told me on the phone?” His nose scrunched as he flipped through the channels. “I’m not stupid.”

“Okay, Masato isn’t like a serial killer or something. Relax. I’m safe at home.”

“Any right minded man that would leave a girl stranded on the streets in the freezing cold is definitely a cause for concern alright. You’re not going back there till I take care of things.”

“Oh. And by “take care” you mean getting your men to kill him? That’s it?” He stayed silent and you groaned. “I can’t do this. I’m tired, Ran. You know I hate violence. I don’t want the man dead either—”

“Well I do.”

“Good thing it’s not your call then,” you shot back, frowning. “This is my life not yours. You don’t get to decide who gets to stay in it or not.”

He tilted his head back and looked behind at you, the smile on his face turning into more of a smirk. “Do I get to stay or na?” You rolled your eyes and he reached behind him, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer to the couch. “Well?”

You shrugged, looking down at him. “I dunno.” 

Shrugging his jacket off your shoulders, you folded it neatly and slung it on the back of the couch. “It’s complicated Ran,” you said, placing both hands on either side of his head, on the back of the couch.

“Doesn’t have to be.” He grabbed one of your hands, caressing your knuckles.

You found yourself hard pressed to look into those violet eyes of his staring intently back into yours. “Ran…it’s not that simple.”

“It can be. You just don’t like simple.”

You forcefully removed your hand from his. “Excuse me?”

“You always feel like shit has to be complicated in order for it to work. I noticed that you know?” You scoffed, and he rolled his eyes. “Don’t act dumb. We dated for seven years, I think you’d know a person after that long.”

“Crazy because if I were to sit here and say false things about you, then you’d just deny them because I don’t know better than you. Isn’t that right?” 

“Nothing about what you say about me is false. You know this,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. He reached in his pocket, putting a cigarette into his mouth. 

“So if I called you cold and manipulative, would you say I’m correct?”

He lit his cigarette and tossed his head back to look at you, exhaling smoke from his mouth. “You wouldn’t be wrong, no. But you’re only focusing on the negatives.” He reached his hand out again and you hesitated for a split second before grabbing his hand, allowing him to pull you back closer. 

“I can’t think of any positives.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure.” He took the cigarette out of his mouth and patted the spot on the couch next to him. You walked around the couch, sitting beside him, cringing at the feeling of your wet clothes on his leather couch. 

He put the cigarette back in his mouth and examined you. “You’re still cold.”

“I’m fine.”

He wrinkled his nose, exhaling smoke through his nostrils. “Go shower. Wear some of my clothes.”

“Are you sure?” 

He waved in the general direction of his bathroom and you thanked him. You returned back to the living room half an hour later, wearing one of his shirts that were too big for your body. Flopping back on the couch beside him, he offered you a cigarette to which you shook your head.

“Anyway back to me,” Ran said. You rolled your eyes. “You really can’t think of any positives to describe me? Come on, think deep.”

“This is starting to sound like couples therapy,” you stated dryly, He didn’t respond, just continued staring at you. “I dunno,” you said, picking at the skin on your lips. “Like, you’re funny I guess? You’re sweet, and caring in your own twisted fucked up way. You’re protective in a way that is a perfect mix of just good and overbearing. You’re fucking annoying sometimes too and—”

“Woah woah woah. Going off topic, a little bit?”

You smiled, a genuine laugh leaving your lips and Ran’s heart fluttered at the sight. He slung an arm over your shoulder, tugging you closer. You sighed, resting your head against his shoulder, closing your eyes when he kissed your forehead. 

“I missed you a lot, you know?” You hummed in response, snuggling up beside him. When Ran had came back home and let you sleep in his car, he turned the heating on in every room in the house for you. The fact you still snuggled close to him for warmth made him smile a little bit.  “Didja get my voicemail all those weeks ago?”

“Yeah.” You shifted to look up at him. “Gave me a bit of an ego boost not gonna lie,” you admitted.

He looked down at you. “Why’d you take so long to call me then?” he asked, trying to keep his voice calm and level, to not show any betrayal of emotion. You didn’t respond and looked at the tv, distracted by your thoughts. He jostled you lightly. “Hm?”

“I don’t know,” you finally said after a few seconds. You looked back up at him. “I was petty and hurt still and part of me wanted to make you jealous.” You laughed lightly. “Was pretty shitty of me. I wanted to call you, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And I shouldn’t have left you hanging like that. But I’m sorry, Ran.”

Ran hummed, the sound vibrating from his chest into yours. He looked away from you, staring at the television with an unreadable expression.There were many times you couldn’t understand what he was thinking. Ran was a man with an unbreakable exterior, and you could only think of one time in your eight year long relationship when you actually managed to crack through that hard shell of his. 

When you found out Izana had died and Ran had gotten himself and his friends arrested. He was released a couple hours later and you came to pick him up from the station. It was hard seeing him more quiet than usual. He barely said a single word to you when you took him home and spent the night with him. That night was when you finally saw Ran cry for the first time and it was overwhelming for you. He wasn’t balling with tears, just a few drops and you wiped each tear drop away with your thumb. That night was so memorable for you and it stayed in your mind all those years later. 

Right now he had that same unreadable, blank expression on his face as he stared at the television, his fingers softly grazing the unshaven stubble on his jaw. You looked up at him, chin on his shoulder and waited for him to finish his thoughts.

“What’s his full name?” he asked after a long moment of silence.

You swallowed. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Just curious.” You were looking at him weirdly, eyes roaming over his face as you tried to uncover any hidden agendas he might have. It still pissed you off how irritatingly good his poker face was.

Squinting at him, you slowly pulled back to sit close beside him, fiddling with the loose string on the sleeve on your shirt. “Promise you won’t…hurt him?”

“I won’t… not kill him,” he said with a smile that grew when you looked up at him exasperated. “I just wanna ask him some questions, s’all.”

You nervously chewed your bottom lip raw by the time you decided. You sighed. “It’s Masato Hirakawa. He’s my accountant,” you told him and Ran shifted on his side to look at you better. “He asked me out one evening and I said yes. We didn’t make things official until like two weeks ago and then that’s when things started going downhill.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You scrunched your nose. “We got drunk at a club last week and Yuzuha drunkenly mentioned the voicemail you left me and I just laughed it off but Masato looked confused and asked what we were talking about. I told him not to worry about it and he got upset, thinking I was hiding shit from him which made no sense because you left that voicemail before we were even official so I wasn’t cheating. But he didn’t care. He then went down a rabbit hole once he figured out your name and started like internet stalking you. He was googling everything he could find about you, was stalking your Instagram, seeing your lifestyle and he took whatever he was feeling out on me.”

Ran’s eyebrows slowly rose as he considered what you just said. 

“Not physically,” you quickly added upon seeing his reaction. “No I mean he would get mad and yell at me, then one night he accused me of being a gold digger and using him for his money and I reminded him just because he’s an accountant that he’s not some millionaire and he needs to calm down. He started ranting and raving about you at any given time and it just got annoying. Every time I was on my phone he thought I was having an affair with you even though we haven’t been in contact in a literal year.” You laughed dryly. 

“It was so stupid. And for what? It was only a week and it made me feel like I was just so…” you paused, trying to figure out the right words. “I don’t know. I just hated it so much. Then today with the car I slept in the car and he took my phone and listened to the voicemail you left and then was convinced that I was sleeping with you while seeing him and he woke me up by yelling at me and stuff. Then kicked me out.”

“Is that why you called me?”

You nodded, fingers trembling as you played with the string. “I’m sorry, by the way. I didn’t mean for all this to happen. You were just the first person I could think of helping me in that moment. I didn’t—”

“Stop stressing.” He grabbed your wrist and you let go of the string as he guided your hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “You calling me back was the best thing you could’ve done.” You smiled wryly, meeting his eyes for a few seconds before looking away. “Come here.”

Slipping into his lap, he cradled you against him. “You mad at him?” he asked and you nodded. “Let me take care of this? Please?”

“I don’t know…”

“I won’t kill him if that’s what you’re so scared about. Just wanna spook him a little,” he said, making you giggle. 

You looked up at him and nodded. “Just a spook. Promise?” His eyes dropped down to your lips and your face heated up when you realised where his gaze was trained. 

He leaned down and kissed you softly, his hand rising to your cheek., looking searchingly in your eyes for the longest two seconds of your life. “I promise,” he whispered against your lips before pulling you in for another kiss.

Twisting your body, you turned to loop your arms around his neck, his hand sliding over your knee to pull you over, straddling his lap. His hands slipped under your shirt, rubbing up and down your back. He pulled away, smirking. “No  bra?”

“It was wet from the rain,” you mumbled, kissing him again. He groaned into your mouth, all decorum gone as moved his hands to your chest, cupping your breasts, your nipples already hard and poking his palms.

“Mmm take this off,” he said, tugging at your shirt. 

You shut him up, kissing him again as your hands flew to his shoulders, your whole body warming at the feel of solid muscle, still prominent even through his shirt, underneath your palms. “Take yours off shirt,” you replied, biting his bottom lip with a smile.

He rolled his eyes. “Unbutton me then.”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes, his smile growing as you got to work, unbuttoning them one by one, your skin growing hot at black ink peeking through. He shrugged his shirt off and your hands flew right back to his shoulders, running them down his chest and letting your fingers trace along his abs. 

He sat up and kissed under your jaw. “Now your turn.” You cupped his face as he sucked, your fingers moving to his hair, tugging when his tongue licked and sucked harder. 

You pushed him back and he watched you lift your shirt up and over, stretching in the process and tossing it to the other end of the couch. He licked his lips as his hands flew to your hips, fingers dipping shallowly against the band of your panties, snapping them back against your skin.  You kissed him sloppily again.

His hands slipped under your thighs, lifting you up and carrying you as you squealed, legs wrapping tightly around his waist as he carried you to his bedroom. Depositing you on his bed, he wasted no time climbing on top of you, pinning your wrists to the mattress as he kissed down your body. 

He latched onto a nipple, his tongue snaking around it as he licked and sucked. The warmth of his mouth and his hands tweaking your other nipple were making you dizzy, biting your bottom lip hard as you began to get restless. He kissed down your stomach, his hands pushing your legs apart. 

“Holy fuck, you’re so fucking wet,” he breathed, eyeing the wet patch in your panties.  He peeled them away and ran his finger through your folds, smirking at the hitch in your breath. “All we did was kiss.”

“S—shut up,” you hissed, irritation turning to pleasure when he swirled his finger around your entrance, and he had to bite his lips to keep from groaning when your hips started stuttering, a silent plea for him to go further. He slowly sunk his finger in and you gasped, back arching against the bed. He pulled out before sinking fully in, teasing you with only the tip of his finger.

You irritatingly looked at him. “Stop being a fucking tease,” you complained, trying to shimmy your body further down the bed, needing more of him. Ran grabbed at your hip, stilling you and you whined loudly.

“Easy.” His voice was light and playful and that only angered you even more. Idly pumping his finger in and out of you, he added another and you writhed, restlessly moving to fight back the heat forming in your abdomen. His fingers curled against that spot that had you melting against the sheets. When you were least expecting it, your eyes closed and head thrown back, he leaned forward, wrapping his lips around your clit, and sucked. 

You moaned loudly as his tongue began working at your cunt, licking sloppily like a man starved. Slipping his fingers out, he parted your folds with two fingers, eyes trained on the way your pussy was gleaming with a mixture of your slick and his saliva.

 “Fuck,” he breathed. He looked up at your body, over the curve of your breasts. “Sit up for me. Wanna see that pretty face.”

“Nn-nn,” you said, shaking your head, writhing against the sheets as he buried his face back into your pussy, sucking obligingly at your clit. His tongue was making you feel everything at once, his fingers sliding back into your pussy making your hips stutter, your body was heating up, and you could feel the incoming pressure of an all familiar orgasm building until it stopped.

Ran simply stopped his ministrations and stilled his fingers in you, the thickness of his two fingers sitting in your pussy has you gushing a little more around them, and your clit felt cold without his mouth. 

You sat up and stared confusingly at him. “Why’d you stop?” 

He presses a longing kiss to your inner thighs. “You didn’t wanna cooperate with me. So why should I give you what you want?” You groaned loudly as he smiled, lips curving against your skin. He continued to lather kisses to your thighs, coming dangerously close to your pussy and just when you’d get your hopes up, he’d move back to your thighs. 

“Ran, please.” You moved your hand to his hair, trying to tug him away from the marks he was leaving against your thigh but he was nothing but stubborn. “Rannnnnnnn,” you groaned. 

“You know what I was want,” he stated simply, and your face scrunched imperceptibly. “You’re so cute when you do that.”

“Ran I’m serious. Eat me out or I’m leaving.”

He arched an eyebrow at you. “So bossy.” He looked up at you and you were still partially glaring at him. He smiled. “Keep looking at me just like that.” His head lowered, ignored hearing you call him a masochist under your breath and smirked at the sound of your breathing hitching, effectively shutting you up as he licked a stripe up your slit.

The eye contact was overwhelming and hard to maintain, especially when he slipped two fingers back inside you without warning. You were struggling to keep your eyes open and effectively failed, shutting them as his lips sealed around your throbbing clit. The pressure was re-building and your hands flew to his hair, gripping tight and tugging as you chanted his name over and over again as you came. 

Ran sat up, swiping a hand over his mouth as he rearranged you on the bed, wasting no time and letting you catch a breath before he pinned your wrists to the mattress with one hand, sloppily reaching for a condom in his bedside table with the other. 

He grabbed a condom and you watched as he rolled it on in record time, his eagerness rolling off him in waves as his hands darted straight to your hips, lifting them up at an angle, fingers digging into your skin as he slid his cock in slowly. His mouth fell open at the tight warmth stretch of your pussy, a low groan escaping him. 

You raised your arms up and he let go of your hips, leaning down to let you accommodate him, wrapping your arms around his neck as your legs locked around his waist. He slid his arms under your back and held you back just as tightly, his hips pressing flush against yours. 

You almost whined at the feeling of being so full, the thickness of his cock nestled between your walls dizzying. He pulled out and slowly pushed back in, his pace speeding up as you started to let your moans out. He buried his face into your neck, inhaling that sweet perfume you always love to overspray on yourself, taking in the heat of your naked body below him, and began littering your neck with kisses, sucking hard at your skin till it bruised. 

Your hands flew to his neck, taking your nails up and down and dragging red long streaks onto his skin. He pushed himself up, hands on either side of your head and began snapping his hips until you got louder. The bed was squeaking,  your voice was getting higher, and the wet sounds of your pussy reached your eyes making you feel hot. 

“I’m close,” you whimpered, gripping onto his arms, and he grunted at the bite of your nails digging into his muscle. 

“Me too baby.” He pressed down on your stomach with a firm hand, hips slowing down to slow but deep thrusts. You could feel his cock stretching you out as he hit deeper, his hand applying more and more pressure until it was unbearable. You came with another loud cry, his hips stuttering against yours before he cusses and pulls out abruptly, your body cold and empty and you push yourself weakly onto your elbows to watch as he sprays his cum on your inner thighs, painting them white. He tapped his cock against your pussy, sliding it up and down your wet folds before exhaling deeply. 

He sat back onto his knees and examined your spent body, how your eyes were unable to stay open for more than three seconds without slowly closing shut. 

He moved to lay beside you, gathering you in his chest. 

“Wait. I need to clean up,” you muttered, trying to keep your legs open to chase away the feeling of wet cum in your inner thighs. 

“Who cares,” he grumbled, hand sliding down your leg to throw it over his hip. “Sleep with me. It’s almost 3 am.” He fell asleep not even a second after finishing his sentence and you rolled your eyes, a fond smile on your face. 

Ran was nothing but a deep sleeper, and you took advantage of that to brush his hair out of his face and cup his cheeks, playing with his nose as he slept soundly in front of you. It took an hour for you to fall back asleep and you woke a few hours later. 

Rolling onto your side, you slapped around for his laptop on the bedside table and opened it,wincing at the bright screen. Through the blindness you were able to make out the time as 8am. Carefully you slipped out of bed and took a brief shower before heading to his kitchen. 

Ran was able to sleep through mainly anything, even his alarms, but the sounds of you clattering around his kitchen effectively did succeeded in waking him up. He snorted once he checked the time, mumbling “this girl,” under his breath and slipped out of bed to take a shower and brush his teeth. Whatever you were cooking ended up taking nearly a whole hour and you re-entered the bedroom with a tray full of food, Ran had been reduced to idly scrolling on his phone, scratching his stomach. 

“Good morning,” you chirped, climbing onto the bed and placing the food on his lap.

“Morning baby.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you smiled at him. “What’s all this?”

“I felt bad about um, getting you to pick me up yesterday so I wanted to uh, treat you I guess.” You sat beside him, resting your head on his shoulder and looked up at him. “I barely cook so you better finish every single thing on that plate.”

He snorted and pulled you in for a kiss. “I appreciate it. Thank you.” 

“No thank you. Seriously. I really owe you one Ran.” You smiled shyly at him before clearing your throat. “Now shut up and eat.”

He rolled his eyes when you grabbed the fork, forcefully stabbed the eggs and held it up to his mouth. “Say aaah.”

He stared blankly at you until you glared at him. He sighed and opened his mouth, the smile coming back in your face in full force as you fed the fork into his mouth. He chewed and you were already restabbing the fork on the plate to pick up some waffles when he stopped you. 

“I can feed myse—“

You shoved more food into his mouth. “Is it good?” You asked, trying not to laugh as you saw him struggling to chew with his mouth full. He nodded once he swallowed, kissing your forehead again and gathering you back into his chest. 

“It tastes amazing. My baby so talented. Come here.” He brought you back in for another longing kiss, his hand cupping the back of your head. You pulled away and removed your head back to his shoulder, tracing your fingers across his chest as he ate. He pushed the plate to the side once he finished and turned to face you. “What’re you doing today?”

You hummed and spread your hands flat against his stomach, feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest. “Me and Yuzuha are going to Masato’s to pressure him into giving me my shit. If he doesn’t then I’ll call the police.” 

He wrinkled his nose at the idea and you went back to dragging your finger across his skin, tracing his bellybutton. 

“I don’t want you going over there.”

“Relax. Hakkai and Mitsuya are going to be there too incase he wants to try something.” He wrinkled his nose again and you turned to look up at him. “Okay don’t be like that. They’re strong!”

“All it took for me was a brick and he was out.” Ran laughed when you rolled your eyes. 

“You’re not immortal, you know. Smashing anyone over the head with a brick would knock them out!”

“All I hear is excuses. Besides I thought you said you’d let me handle it, hm?” He jostled you playfully and you shook your head. 

“I was thinking about it and I really do not want you and your goonies to torture the dude until he’s on the verge of death. I hate him but I don’t want to hurt him either.”

“You’re too nice for your own good you know? People will take advantage of that,” he stated calmly and you sighed, settling back beside him. 

“…I know.”

“So let me handle it,” he proposed. You weren’t looking at him so he tilted your face back to his, forehead pressing against yours. “Let me take care of it. And you.” He laced your fingers together as you stared him deeply in the eyes, letting him attempt to persuade you. 

After a few moments you bit down on your lip and sighed. “Okay. Take care of it but I don’t wanna hear what you do or say to him. Alright?”

His grin turned wolffish and he pressed another kiss to your forehead. “You don’t gotta worry about a thing. Just get some sleep,” he said as he gently laid you back down on the bed and tucked you back in, “and let handle everything for you.”

[bueckersstrap]

CASUAL / MY FAVOURITE BRA LIVES IN YOUR DRESSER / WE’RE NOT TOGETHER / YOU WONDER WHY I’M BITTER

c speaks ; this has been rotting in my drafts for so long omfg 😣 i needed to get something out so idk 🤷🏽‍♀️ also my writing makes me cringe so bad omfg i read this back in horror…… but whatevs 🙂‍↕️

wc ; 1.1k (short ik butttt)

warnings ; alludes to sexual content, almost smut, paige is an asshole, language

not spell checked n this is a draft so it’s not perfect yk ?? 😁

It was a saturday night – a long one at that. You were laid up with your girlfriend, no, casual hookup, Paige Bueckers. She called you up after their loss against Iowa state.

 “Yo, Y/N,” “Hello?” Your voice rang muffled through the phone, it was around 2 when she called. “We lost. You in the city?” You deeply sighed, “Yeah, for the weekend.” You rubbed your forehead in exhaustion. Not necessarily because you were tired but because you were at your wits end with Paige’s late night calls, but you weren’t innocent either as you always picked up and complied.

But, how couldn’t you? She had you completely wrapped around her finger. She knew you too well and knew exactly what to say and what to do, you were utterly captivated by Paige and there was nothing you could do to resist it.

She airily chuckled, “So, you like, tryna come over?” “Yeah,” You replied with little to no hesitation, “I’ll be there in 20.” You hung up almost immediately after the words left your mouth, you didn’t know why you accepted the invitation with such open arms. All your friends called you a loser for constantly beckoning at Paige’s call. It slightly took you by surprise when her contact had illuminated your phone screen, she hadn’t called in a while and according to her finsta posts it clearly didn’t bother her as much as it did you. 

You ruffled the clothes in your top drawer, trying to find the matching bra and panties that Paige liked. When you realized you were only looking for the set because she liked them it sent a wave of nausea in your stomach. You eventually gave up looking with a sigh because you couldn’t find it, you glanced at the time that read 2:15. You didn’t want to be late so you picked out another set and clothed yourself, spraying two extra sprays of your perfume and lotioning with the matching pair.

‘im omw’

‘k’

The dry response made your stomach churn. Maybe you read too much into things but, god, she really couldn’t have cared less about you. For a second, just a split second, you sat in your car, nearly sinking into the leather of your seats rethinking about even going. You knew if you didn’t she would most likely never call you up again and thinking about not feeling the soft pads of her fingertips against your face, your hips, your body, made your head whirl with emotion. So, instead of getting out of your car (which in retrospect probably would’ve been the right choice), you started it and started driving.

You paced in the elevator, biting at your lips and fixing your fresh makeup in the camera of your phone. You strolled down the hallway and knocked at her door and there she was in all her glory. Her hair was wavy from her signature braids and she was clad in black shorts and a white Nike sports bra. “Hey,” She breathed all while looking you up and down, you smiled back and caught yourself in a blush. She signalled for you to come in and so you did. You kicked off your air forces and she pulled you in by the waist – that touch that you constantly yearned for, the touch that you feared to never feel again. Your lips connected and the way she swiftly slipped her tongue in your mouth sent heat straight to your core. The kiss intensified and you were led into her bedroom being pushed down onto the bed. 

She pushed her bare knee in between your legs, both spreading them open and applying pressure where you needed relief the most. “Fuck, Paige more,” You moaned out, breaking the kiss and tilting your head back which gave you a semi-clear view in your peripheral of Paige’s phone lighting up in intervals of seconds. You tried to focus back at Paige and the way she was sucking dark marks on your chest but it kept happening. She picked up on it when she asked, “What's wrong, mama?” you paused between asking her a question you probably didn’t want the answer to, or just leaving it. Unfortunately, you picked the first option. “Who’s blowing up your phone?” Your tone shot out a lot more acrid than you’d like. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” She harshly laughed, going to reach for her phone. 

You propped yourself up on the white pillows behind you looking at Paige’s inquisitive face. “So? Who is it?” You asked with a tinge of frustration in your voice, and instead of her answering she just waved her hand at you in a ‘shoo’ motion. You took matters into your own hand and glanced over her phone, “Bro, what the fuck?” She quickly swiped her phone and stood up. You felt yourself choke up in your throat, you didn’t see much but from what you could see it was some initial you couldn’t make out and a bunch of unnecessary hearts beside it.

"Who is that, Paige?" you demanded, almost pleading for an answer. "We're not even together, so why does it matter so much? We agreed on no attachments." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Casual?"

"Casual is wild work considering you treat me like I’m your girlfriend or something," You started pulling your shirt back up, suddenly feeling the rush of exposure like a million eyes clinging to the bare flesh of your chest.

She let out a laugh at your pointed statement, "I don’t know what dreamland you’re living in, but I treat you like normal,”  

Your eyes widened as you pressed your hands against your forehead. “Normal? This,” you gestured between the two of you, “Is what you call ‘normal’? You’re fucking insane Paige.”

You were genuinely caught off guard and confused about where the lines had blurred between you and Paige’s casual hookup.

“It’s been working fine for a while, you just want to pick a fight for no good reason.” she accused casually. You struggled to meet her gaze, your eyes darting around the room until they landed on it– the bra to the matching set you had been looking for earlier. It dawned on you that your bra (and likely your panties) had been residing in Paige’s dresser for some time.

"Hello?" Paige waved her hand in front of your face, snapping you back to reality. "Is it so casual for you to keep my bra in your drawer? Is that casual enough for you?" You marched over and pulled it out of the slightly open drawer.

“I don’t understand why you’re so bitter about this. I called you to fuck, not console you about shit that doesn’t involve you. God, you’re just so difficult,” Paige followed you out of her bedroom as you walked out in front of her, pure disbelief took over your mind and body.

“Nice to know how much you care, Paige.” Grabbing your air forces, you lazily slipped them on and stuffed the bra into your pocket. You unlocked the door and bitterly walked out.

[indulgentdaydream]

Hello luv, first of all... I LOVE NURSE!READER!!! OH god the last lines were soooooo heartwarming for my social worker heart!! LOVE LOVE IT 🩷🩷

So, may I request a Jason x reader again but with a little something... Jealous Jason because reader and Roy know each other longer than Jay and reader and then he gets all jelly and and—! Oh god I love a jealous petty man.

Missy when she fucks up the queue and queues this post for NEXT YEAR by accident 🫣🙃 NEXT YEAR?? LIKE THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED LAST FRIDAY AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT IT DIDN'T GO UP

anyways AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH your words are already heartwarming ♥️

I loveeee jealous jason imma cook this up so quick just you wait and see (i wrote this when i first made the draft and i found it funny to leave it. It’s literally been a month I’m so sorry)

I also made this into headcanons because I had a VISION and did not think to give it any justice. (koi youre seriously my number 1 supporter i hope you enjoy this garbage I just threw up, really)

Pining!Jealous!Jason Todd x Reader

Warnings: slight jealousy (not too overly consuming), alcohol consumption

Roy had invited Jason to hang out at the bar

Bros being bros

except...

Roy brought you along (because he KNOWS Jason has got a fat crush on you whether or not he’s told him)

(He tried to convince roy it’s not a crush, but always fails because his whole demeanour changes when you walk in the room)

examples:

he's always going to be standing beside you, consciously or not

jason isn't always a tense guy. But he for sure isn't as long as you're talking to him/looking at him/etc. (but if you put your hand on his arm/touch him in any way, it's game over)

your name is brought up, he's listening SO INTENTLY

like a dog when it hears its favourite word

Anyways

The three of you are sitting in a booth

It was originally you and roy before jason showed up, the two of you on either side

Jason shows up and just sits right next to you. No hesitation.

You and roy are laughing away, recounting stories and telling jokes.

Jason is just... really quiet

unusually quiet

He doesn’t look at you guys, rather looking out across the bar, trying to hide the fact he’s feeling this way

That he's feeling unreasonably jealous of his best friend

who literally brought you FOR JASON

He knows it’s stupid. He trusts both of you. You two are the two people he trusts the MOST

He hates that he’s like this, but he can't help it

Roy's better than him. You've known him for longer. He's making you laugh harder than Jason ever has. He's better looking, too. Older. More experienced.

His thoughts are clogging up his head. He's really not listening anymore, just holding his beer, eyes scanning the bar floor, watching the other patrons.

Then Roy is standing in front of him, saying something about using the bathroom.

He is giving a VERY pointed look at Jason.

a "make conversation with your crush or I'm shoving an arrow down your throat" kind of look

Jason felt a little stab of genuine anxiety shoot through him.

He's talked to you alone before. Many times. You two were friends, of course. He doesn't know why this is how he's feeling right now.

Then your hand is resting on his forearm.

Poor boy is still so caught up in his head he just looks down at your hand for definitely a second too long before finally meeting your gaze

Your gaze with those stupidly pretty eyes.

Then comes that horrendously pretty voice, "You alright?"

He nods. Shrugs. Like a stupid teenager who doesn't know how to handle his emotions.

He has to admit he's still a little tense about your attention being focused more on Roy. But not to you. He'd never admit it to you. You'd probably find it unattractive and then he'd really never have a chance.

“Yeah, no, im enjoying the talking. Always forget how well you and roy know each other”

“Oh yeah he just knows how to get me going. You know how he is”

Jason doesn’t know how he does it.

Like some leap of faith.

Some, jealousy super-powered leap.

He tries to be non-chalant about it.

“It’d be nice to do this again sometime. Maybe without Roy around.”

BOY'S HEART IS POUNDING

Sipping on his beer, looking down at it instead to avoid eye contact with you so he doesn't lose his cool.

Or someone show on his face that he is actually shitting bricks

You don't respond for a second and the alarm bells start going off in his head

WHY DID I SAY THAT WHY DID I SAY THAT WHY DID I SAY-

"It would be nice," you say, "Could we make it a date instead?"

He's smiling, turning to nod at you, "Course we can."

But his internal dialogue is just straight screaming at himself

"IDIOT YOU SHOULD'VE MADE IT OBVIOUS YOU WANTED IT TO BE A DATE IN THE FIRST PLACE"

The things jealousy will make you do

Roy comes back and sits down

Jason's into the conversation now

It doesn't really matter that Roy is still making you laugh

because he's not the one holding your hand under the table

AH I HOPE YOU LIKE -missy

I also love a jealous petty man (as long as it doesn't become toxic and he doesn't use it as an excuse to be an asshole)

[kayewrite]

Unseen Barriers

Felix x reader!! felix x fem reader!! skz yongbok x reader!! word count: 5.5k

a stray kids fic wherein You have feelings for Felix. But Felix, despite being aware, remains determined not to reciprocate for a reason.

(or a forbidden love between you and felix)

an: i know i promised for part 2 of some of my works. but then i posted another fic again, i just cant help it as i read it in my drafts. please i love this soo damn much. so please love this also as much as i love it.)

It was Valentine’s Day, and Felix sighed as he stared at his locker overflowing with flowers, letters, and chocolates. He knelt down to pick up the ones that had fallen, his expression void of any excitement. It wasn’t that he was boastful about receiving so many presents—far from it. The weight of unreciprocated affection made him sigh again, knowing that he couldn’t return the feelings that so many people had for him.

As he organized his things, a girl shyly approached, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear when Felix’s indifferent gaze fell on her.

“Uh, Felix…” she began, her voice wavering, “I accidentally bought two tickets for the movie tonight, and I don’t have anyone to give the extra to. Do you want to come with me?”

“That’s nice of you, but I’m sorry. I have something to do tonight.” His tone was polite but detached, making it clear that there was no room for negotiation.

“Oh… okay.” The disappointment in her voice was unmistakable. “But, um, could you at least take this cookie? I baked it with love.”

Felix’s eyes flicked to the cookie, then back to her. “You should share it with your friends,” he replied flatly, his gaze briefly shifting to the group of girls peeking from behind a nearby wall. Without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving the girl to stand there, clutching her cookie with a crestfallen expression.

Felix didn’t like taking advantage of those who liked him. It was better to let them down early than to let their hopes build up, even if it meant being distant. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets as he headed back to his classroom, his mind already shifting to the next task when a sudden shout echoed down the hallway.

“Oh my god, she’s here!”

Felix glanced up briefly, noticing the shift in the hallway’s atmosphere as all eyes turned to you. He merely shrugged, relieved that, for once, the attention was no longer on him. He slipped away quietly, grateful for the distraction.

Back in the classroom, Felix focused on writing down everything the professor said, his concentration broken only when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He glanced at the screen, noting the sender's name—“Little Boss”—and dismissed it, returning to his notes. But when the phone buzzed again with another message, he reluctantly read it:

Come to the garden. I have something to give you. -

He ignored it, but when his phone rang for the third time, Felix sighed, realizing it wouldn’t stop until he responded. He excused himself from the classroom, and the professor nodded without hesitation. Felix was known as a diligent student, a model for others, so his rare requests to leave class were never questioned.

“What do you want?” Felix’s voice was colder than the crisp air of the garden as he found you admiring the roses.

“You’re late,” you noted, turning to face him with a gentle smile.

“Because I knew this wasn’t important.” His words were like ice, cutting through the warmth of your gesture.

Your smile faltered, but you quickly pushed the hurt aside, stepping closer to him. You thrust a paper bag into his hands, forcing him to take it.

“This is expensive,” Felix remarked, his tone more of an accusation than gratitude.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t steal money from my dad again. I worked hard to buy it, so just take it.”

Felix sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He knew arguing with you was pointless. You were stubborn, and no matter what he said, you’d do things your way.

“You should go back to class,” he said, his voice devoid of any warmth. He turned to leave, eager to put this interaction behind him, but you stopped him with a soft, “Wait.”

He paused, but the impatience was clear in his eyes as he turned back to you.

Gently, you plucked a rose from the bush, you were the one who planted it there, and slipped it into the pocket of his uniform jacket, your fingers brushing against the fabric. “Now you can go,” you said with a small smile, as if the gesture could melt the wall he had built between you.

Felix’s expression remained unreadable as he walked back to his locker, the paper bag hanging loosely from his hand. He opened the locker and stared at the box someone had placed near it—a gift from a janitor who had grown tired of cleaning up the endless cascade of letters and chocolates.

Felix opened the paper bag you gave. Inside was an expensive pair of shoes, the exact ones he had been eyeing but couldn’t afford. His chest tightened with a mix of emotions he didn’t want to acknowledge. This was too much. He couldn’t accept something like this, not from you.

He quickly gathered the rest of the gifts from his locker, piling them into the box. But when he glanced at the paper bag and the rose you had given him, Felix hesitated. He placed the items carefully inside his locker, closing the door with a soft click.

-

It was time to head home. Felix slung his bag over his left shoulder, letting it hang casually as he walked towards the school gate with both hands buried deep in his pockets. He paused near the entrance, his eyes following you as you got into a car. Once you were out of sight, he continued his walk to the bus stop, the familiar route offering little solace.

As he waited for the bus, he found himself absentmindedly staring out into the distance, lost in thought. The bus arrived, and Felix took his usual seat near the window, watching the city blur by as he made his way to your address.

Arriving at your family’s mansion, Felix smiled at the guard stationed at the entrance, offering a polite greeting before stepping inside the expansive grounds. The pathway to the mansion was lined with lush greenery, the carefully tended plants and flowers giving the place an almost paradisiacal feel. He nodded in acknowledgment to the gardener trimming the trees and his wife sweeping up the fallen leaves, their warm smiles a welcome and Felix smiled like a sunshine he was.

The mansion loomed in the distance, its grandeur almost oppressive. Despite its size, it felt empty to Felix—a hollow shell filled with wealth but devoid of warmth.

Felix didn’t head toward the main house, though. Instead, he walked to the smaller house near the garden, where he and his mother lived. As he stepped inside, he was greeted by the comforting scent of home.

"My son is here," his mother said with a bright smile, wrapping him in a tight hug. Felix held her close, his heart swelling with the comfort of being home. He pulled out a bouquet of flowers hidden under table near them, carefully arranged with blooms he had picked from the garden the day before.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

His mother’s eyes welled up with tears as she accepted the bouquet, her voice thick with emotion. “Aw, thank you, my son. I love you so much.”

Felix felt a warmth spread through him as he hugged her again, this time even tighter. He knew how much his mother had sacrificed, and he was determined to give her the world one day.

His mother had been working as a cleaner for your family since Felix was seven, a job she had taken after his father’s business went bankrupt. When his father ran from their responsibilities, leaving them in financial ruin, Felix’s mother sold everything they owned to pay off the debts. The job with your family had been a lifeline, allowing them to survive.

Felix had grown up in your mansion, helping out where he could, especially in the kitchen, where his knack for cooking quickly became apparent. It was during those moments in the kitchen that you first noticed him. He was just a boy back then, but something about his quiet determination and gentle kindness drew you in.

At first, you and Felix became close because you were the same age and both felt lonely in the huge, empty mansion. The house, no matter how grand, felt cold and quiet when your parents were away on business trips, which happened a lot. Felix, who worked at the mansion and lived in a small house on the property with his mother, was a comforting presence. He kept you company, told you stories, and filled the silence with laughter. You spent hours together, finding comfort in each other's company.

But when your mother found out about your friendship with Felix, she was furious. She had always been strict and powerful, and her anger seemed to grow even worse. One evening, she barged into your room, her face full of rage.

“How dare you?” she yelled. “How dare you spend time with someone like him?”

Felix, who had always been kind and respectful, suddenly became the target of her wrath. She saw him as a threat to her carefully managed image and status. To her, Felix was just a poor worker who didn’t belong in her world.

“You will never see him again,” she said, her voice cold. “If you keep this up, I’ll have him kicked out of school and make sure he pays for it.”

Her threats were harsh. She made it clear that if Felix stayed in your life, she would use her influence to ruin him. She promised to take away his scholarship, get him removed from the mansion, and make sure his family suffered. Her power was strong, and the fear she created was real.

Felix, struggling to make ends meet, knew how serious the situation was. He realized that being friends with someone like you, someone from a different world, was too risky. The gap between your lives was too big, and the consequences of defying your mother were too severe. He understood that her threats were real and could destroy not only his future but also his family’s well-being.

Felix saw that you had feelings for him, and even though you were willing to risk everything, he knew it was a fight he couldn’t win. Despite your determination to stand up for him, Felix knew he had to protect you from the fallout. He tried to explain that your worlds were too different and that staying friends was not possible. His words were harsh, and he acted cold, but it was all to keep you from getting hurt.

You didn’t want to listen to his warnings. You were determined to fight for him, believing that love could overcome anything. But Felix, knowing the real dangers and the threats hanging over both of you, stayed firm. He pushed you away to keep you safe, even if it meant hurting you.

The mansion, once warm with your friendship, became a place of silence and sadness. Felix’s absence left a big gap, a constant reminder of how love alone couldn’t overcome the differences between your worlds. The friendship you had was broken by the harsh realities of power and social class, leaving you with the painful lesson that sometimes, beautiful things are destroyed by forces beyond your control. You were both only ten years old at the time.

Now, seven years later, you stood at your bedroom window, watching Felix as he trimmed the plants in your garden. He was still the same Felix—kind-hearted and hardworking—but there was a distance between you now, a coldness that hadn’t been there before. It hurt more than you wanted to admit.

Felix sensed your presence but didn’t look up. He focused on his work, pretending not to notice you watching him.

“Felix!” you finally called out after watching him in silence for nearly twenty minutes.

He lifted his head and met your gaze, his expression unreadable.

You waved at him, trying to break the ice. “Can I come down there?”

Felix shook his head without hesitation, his face remaining neutral.

Your shoulders slumped in disappointment, but you managed to muster a small smile. “Okay… maybe next time,” you said softly, almost to yourself.

In the past, you might have ignored his refusal and come down anyway, defying the unspoken barriers between you. But today, something held you back. Perhaps it was the realization that no matter how much you loved him, Felix wasn’t going to reciprocate those feelings. Not now, not ever.

-

"Happy birthday to you!"

The cheerful voices of the workers in your mansion filled the room, their smiles bright as they sang the birthday song for Felix. The cook proudly held up the cake he had baked, and Felix's mother carefully lit the candles, her face glowing with love and pride.

Felix had just arrived home from school, tired but content, when he flicked on the light and was greeted with the surprise. His eyes widened in shock, a smile breaking out across his face as he took in the sight of everyone gathered just for him. The warmth of their affection wrapped around him like a comforting blanket.

After they finished singing, Felix went around hugging everyone, gratitude bubbling up inside him. These people had become his family, and he cherished each one of them.

"Now, make a wish," someone called out playfully.

Felix, though not one to believe in wishes, closed his eyes and clasped his hands together. He made a silent prayer, then blew out the candles in one smooth breath.

"What did you wish for?" his mother asked, her eyes twinkling with curiosity.

"Mom, if I tell you, it won’t come true," Felix chuckled, pulling her into a tight hug.

Dinner was a simple affair, but the laughter and camaraderie around the table made it feel like a feast fit for royalty. The night was filled with stories, jokes, and the clinking of glasses as they celebrated not just Felix's birthday, but the bond they all shared.

As the night wore on, the celebration wound down, and Felix found himself outside, gazing up at the stars. The sky was clear, the stars twinkling like diamonds scattered across a velvet blanket. His mother had already gone to bed, leaving him alone with his thoughts and the peaceful sounds of the night.

Felix closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the tranquility wash over him. Life was beautiful in its own way, but his dreams were bigger than this small world he lived in. He longed for more, to reach heights that seemed distant but not impossible.

His gaze drifted to the window of your room, noticing that the lights were off. He glanced at his phone; there were just ten minutes left of his birthday. A small pang of disappointment tugged at his heart.

Why hadn’t you greeted him?

He looked at your window again, feeling a twinge of regret. "Maybe I was too hard on her," he mumbled to himself, a sigh escaping his lips. Just as he was about to turn away and head to bed, a soft glow illuminated your window. His heart skipped a beat as you opened it, and your eyes met his across the distance.

You smiled at him, a gentle, sincere smile that made Felix’s chest tighten with an unfamiliar emotion. He couldn’t help but smile back, the corners of his mouth lifting as if on their own accord.

You pulled out your phone, and a moment later, Felix's phone rang. He answered it, holding it to his ear as he continued to watch you.

"Happy birthday," you said softly, your voice carrying a warmth that reached him even through the distance.

Felix didn’t respond right away, just listening to the sound of your voice, letting it wrap around him like a warm blanket on a cold night.

"I wanted to be special," you continued, your voice tinged with a shy sweetness. "I hope I was the last one to greet you."

Silence settled between you, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. You both simply looked at each other, words unnecessary in that moment.

"Thank you," Felix finally whispered, his voice barely audible.

"Goodnight," you said after another long pause, your voice as gentle as the night breeze. You smiled at him one last time before ending the call and closing your window.

Felix stood there for a moment, his phone still pressed to his ear even after the call ended. A soft smile played on his lips as he looked up at your now-dark window.

The truth was, he had been waiting for you too.

-

The next day at school, Felix was walking through the hallway when one of the teachers stopped him. “Felix, could you do me a favor?” she asked, her voice tinged with concern. “Ms. Kim is out sick today, and we need someone to supervise the class. Could you assist?”

Felix, always willing to help, nodded. “Of course, I’ll take care of it.”

He made his way to your classroom, his expression neutral as he pushed the door open and stepped inside. The room went silent as the students noticed him, some whispering to each other in surprise. Felix was well-known around school—an achiever, a leader, someone everyone looked up to.

You, sitting near the window, couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat when you saw him. You’d been staring out at the clouds, daydreaming, when his presence snapped you back to reality. Felix walked to the teacher’s desk, setting his bag down, and then addressed the class.

“Ms. Kim isn’t here today, so I’ll be supervising,” he said in his usual calm and composed tone. “She left some seatwork for you to complete. I’ll distribute it now.”

As he handed out the worksheets, Felix moved methodically through the rows, his attention focused on the task. When he reached your desk, you looked up at him, hoping for a moment of eye contact, but he never glanced your way. He simply placed the paper in front of you and continued on.

You sighed softly, feeling a mix of admiration and disappointment. Felix was always like this—distant, almost as if there was an invisible wall between the two of you that you couldn’t break through. As the rest of the class began working on the assignment, you stared at the paper in front of you, your mind suddenly blank. The questions seemed more difficult than you expected, and you realized with a sinking feeling that you hadn’t studied enough.

Felix had settled at the teacher’s desk, a book in hand, his attention seemingly absorbed in its pages. You felt nervous, knowing he was just a few feet away. His presence, while usually comforting, now only added to your anxiety.

You began to scratch your head, frowning as you tried to make sense of the first question. Your seatmate, Seungmin, noticed your struggle and leaned over slightly. “Need some help?” he whispered, a friendly smile on his face.

You looked at him, relief washing over you, and were about to nod when Felix’s voice cut through the room.

“Everyone,” Felix announced without looking up from his book, “no talking during the seatwork. And no sharing answers.” His tone was firm, leaving no room for argument.

You froze, your heart pounding. Seungmin quickly turned back to his own paper, and you were left to face the assignment on your own. The nerves made it even harder to focus, and you found yourself barely able to complete more than half of the questions.

When the time came to pass in the papers, your classmates rushed to the front, eager to hand theirs directly to Felix. The girls, in particular, took the opportunity to chat with him, their voices laced with admiration and interest. You watched from your seat, feeling a pang of envy but also a sense of reluctance. You didn’t want to hand in your half-completed work, knowing it would only disappoint him.

As the last few students left the classroom, you remained seated, nervously tapping your pencil against the desk. Felix was now alone at the teacher’s desk, organizing the papers with his usual efficiency. Finally, mustering up the courage, you stood and walked over to him, clutching your paper tightly in your hands.

“Felix…,” you started, your voice barely above a whisper. He looked up from the papers, his expression unreadable. “Is it okay if I… maybe, pass this as an assignment? I… I ran out of time.”

He glanced at the paper you were holding, then back at you. There was a long pause, and for a moment, you thought he might agree. But then he shook his head. “No. You need to submit it now.”

You swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his gaze, even though his tone was still calm, almost indifferent. Reluctantly, you handed over your paper, unable to meet his eyes. Felix took it without a word, his expression unchanging as he glanced over your answers. He didn’t say anything—no criticism, no encouragement. Just silence.

You bowed your head, embarrassment flooding your cheeks as you waited for him to say something, anything. But Felix simply added your paper to the pile and looked back up at you. “Goodbye,” he said, his tone as cool as ever, before turning away and leaving the classroom with the stack of papers in his hands.

You stood there for a moment, feeling ashamed and a bit defeated. You knew you hadn’t done well, and the thought of Felix seeing your poor performance made you feel even worse. With a heavy sigh, you returned to your seat, packing up your things slowly, trying to shake off the lingering embarrassment.

What you didn’t know was that after leaving the classroom, Felix found a quiet spot in the school office. As he flipped through the stack of papers, he came across yours. Without hesitation, he pulled out a pen and began filling in the answers you hadn’t been able to complete, his expression softening slightly. He made sure the work was correct before carefully placing your paper in the middle of the stack, ensuring it wouldn’t stand out.

-

"Congratulations, Felix! You've been accepted to your dream university with a full scholarship! Your dreams are finally coming true!"

The principal’s voice rang out, followed by a wave of applause from the entire faculty gathered in the office. Felix stood there, slightly overwhelmed, as everyone around him clapped and congratulated him.

The smiles on their faces weren’t just for show; they were genuinely proud of him. They had seen firsthand what Felix had gone through at such a young age, how he had fought hard against the odds, and how he had slowly but surely been achieving his dreams. Seeing him take this monumental step forward was a moment of pride for everyone who had supported him along the way.

Felix felt a warm flush of happiness spread through him. He took a moment to thank each teacher, each mentor, each person who had been a part of his journey. Their words of encouragement and pride felt like a soothing balm to the years of hard work and struggle he had endured. This acceptance into his dream university was more than just a milestone; it was the culmination of every sacrifice, every late-night study session, and every ounce of determination he had poured into his education.

When he finally got home, Felix couldn’t contain his excitement. He rushed inside, barely pausing to kick off his shoes, and found his mother in the kitchen. Her eyes lit up the moment she saw him.

“Mom!” Felix called out, his voice bubbling with joy. “I got in! They accepted me with a full scholarship!”

His mother turned to him, and the pride in her eyes made Felix’s heart swell even more. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she rushed forward to embrace him. They held each other tightly, the joy and relief washing over them in waves.

“I’m so proud of you, Felix,” she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. Tears slipped down Felix’s cheeks too, and he didn’t bother wiping them away.

"Mom, we’re almost there," he murmured into her shoulder. "I’ll become a doctor, and then we can finally live happily. I’ll buy you everything you’ve ever wanted.”

His mother pulled back slightly to look at him, her smile radiant through her tears. “I don’t need anything, my son. You’re all I’ve ever need. I’m so happy for you, and I’m so proud of you.”

She kissed his cheek, her lips soft and warm against his skin. Then, with a tenderness that made Felix’s chest ache, she said, “You’ll be living far away now. So you must take care of yourself, alright? Promise me that.”

Felix nodded, the lump in his throat making it hard to speak. He wrapped his arms around his mother again, holding her as if he could imprint this moment into his memory forever. The happiness he felt was indescribable, a mixture of relief, accomplishment, and love.

But as he held his mother, another thought crept into his mind, unbidden and persistent.

How about you?

The question lingered in the back of his mind, casting a small shadow over his joy. Felix pushed the thought away, not wanting to dampen this moment, but it stayed with him, a quiet reminder of something unresolved.

-

Days had passed, and now it was your 18th birthday—a milestone you had been looking forward to, with a grand celebration planned in the garden. From early in the morning, the entire estate buzzed with activity. Workers moved with purpose, setting up decorations, arranging tables, and ensuring that everything was perfect. Despite your parents hiring the most famous event organizer and the best chefs, Felix was among those helping to prepare. He worked tirelessly, assisting wherever he was needed, and when the night came, he was assigned to be a server at the event.

As the evening descended, the party commenced. The garden was adorned with twinkling lights and fragrant flowers, a scene straight out of a fairy tale. Felix moved through the crowd, his expression focused as he carried trays and attended to guests. But amidst the elegant decorations and the mingling of your guests, you were nowhere to be seen. Everyone waited in anticipation for your entrance.

Then, the host's voice boomed over the speakers, announcing your arrival.

Every spotlight in the garden shifted, illuminating the grand doors that led from the house. And there you were, stepping into the light like a vision.

Felix froze in place, his breath catching as his eyes locked onto you.

You were a vision in your debut gown, an opulent violet off-the-shoulder ball gown that shimmered under the lights. The voluminous skirt cascaded like a waterfall, reminiscent of the one Belle wore, but yours was a deep, rich violet—a color that only served to enhance your beauty. You looked like a princess, ethereal and untouchable.

As you walked down the carpet, Felix couldn’t take his eyes off you. You were on one end, and he stood at the other, watching as you approached. When your gaze met his, you smiled— a smile so radiant it made Felix’s heart stumble in his chest.

For a moment, it felt like the world had stopped. The noise of the party, the clinking of glasses, and the murmurs of conversation all faded away. It was just you and him, two souls drawn together in a moment of pure, unspoken connection. Felix, who had never believed in fantasies or romances, found himself ensnared by the magic of this moment. You were walking towards him, and he stood there, lost in you, until you passed by him, breaking the spell.

Felix blinked, shaking his head to clear his thoughts as you climbed up onto the platform, where the crowd erupted into applause. He realized he had been standing there, staring, completely forgetting his duties.

“Uh, my champagne, please,” a voice beside him interrupted.

Felix snapped back to reality, scolding himself for losing focus. The rest of the evening, he kept his head down, avoiding looking at you, determined to do his job without further distraction.

As the night wore on, the party slowly drew to a close. It had been the best birthday you could have asked for, filled with laughter, music, and joy. But as you bathed and changed into more comfortable clothes, a feeling of incompleteness settled in your heart. The party had been perfect, but something was missing.

You stood by your window, gazing out at the now-quiet garden. The clock showed it was almost midnight. Felix had wished you a happy birthday earlier, but it had been through a simple text, and somehow, that didn’t feel special enough.

Quietly, you left your room, careful not to wake your parents, and slipped out of the house. The garden, which had been full of life earlier, was now still, the remnants of the celebration tidily cleared away. You made your way through the bushes until you stood before the small house you often visited.

Lifting your hand to knock on the door, you were suddenly pulled back. Startled, you turned to see Felix standing there, his grip firm but gentle on your arm.

Without a word, he led you away from the house. You followed him, trusting him implicitly, until you both reached the fountain. The sound of the water bubbling softly in the night added to the sense of intimacy that surrounded you both.

Felix stopped and turned to face you. Even after a long day of hard work, he looked as handsome as ever, and your heart ached with the depth of your feelings for him. You held his gaze, waiting, hoping, not daring to look away for fear that he might disappear again, as he often did.

He sighed, his breath mingling with the cool night air, and reached into his pocket. Your eyes followed his movements as he pulled out a small velvety box. Extending it toward you, he met your gaze once more.

"Happy birthday," he said, his voice low and steady.

You looked up at him, your heart fluttering. You had heard those words countless times today, but coming from him, they felt different—more special, more meaningful.

He opened the box, revealing a delicate silver necklace with a rose pendant nestled inside. The simplicity and beauty of it took your breath away.

"It’s not as expensive as what you’re used to, but I hope—"

"It’s beautiful!" you exclaimed, your voice filled with genuine delight. It was the most beautiful necklace you had ever seen.

Felix smiled, a small but sincere curve of his lips that made your heart race.

"Can you put it on me?" you asked, your voice soft with anticipation.

Felix hesitated, his eyes widening slightly before he nodded. You gathered your hair in your hands, lifting it to expose your neck, and Felix stepped closer. The proximity made your heart pound in your chest. You could feel the warmth of his breath near your ear as he carefully fastened the necklace around your neck. Every second stretched, and you found yourself wishing you could stay like this, wrapped in his presence.

But all too soon, Felix stepped back, breaking the spell once more. You almost shivered from the loss of his warmth, but his words brought comfort.

“It’s beautiful on you,” he said, his voice soft as he admired the necklace resting against your skin.

You held the pendant between your fingers, feeling the warmth of his sincerity. “Thank you so much, Felix,” you said, your voice full of emotion. “You made my day complete.”

In that moment, overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings, you stepped closer to him and leaned in, pressing your lips to his. The kiss was soft, tentative, but it held all the emotions you had been carrying for so long. It felt magical, a perfect expression of the love you had kept hidden in your heart.

A lone tear escaped your eye as you pulled away, the realization of how deeply you loved him settling in. It was a love that hurt, a love that felt too big to contain.

But as you started to turn away, Felix caught your wrist, pulling you back to him. Before you could react, he kissed you.

It was different this time. His lips moved against yours with a steadiness that took your breath away. When you finally registered what was happening, you wrapped your arms around his neck, responding with all the love you had stored in your heart.

Felix had always been a part of your world, a constant presence in the background of your life. But now, standing here with him, you realized that love wasn’t always easy. Loving him had been hard, full of obstacles and unspoken words, but for Felix, this moment was a revelation.

He realized he had been too much of a coward, hiding behind his own fears and uncertainties. But as he kissed you, he knew that hiding was no longer an option. This was the moment where everything became clear.

As you both held onto each other in the quiet of the night, you understood that love was worth the risk.

[mattsdolll]

𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 - 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 . . ୨୧

childish!reader x softbf!matt

𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 . . matt healing his girls inner child, helping her through a lazy day, taking care of her. proofread!! (i think) pouty/childish reader, no smut, pure fluff, cuddling, kissing etc, this is kinda short but i'll work on doing longer works soon. i’ve had this idea for so so long and i finally decided to write it ! its been lurking in my drafts for tooo long now (2 days) this is my first time writing something and actually posting it, im literally terrified

1.2k words

enjoy🤍

you had been laying in your soft white sheets the entire day, you read a few pages of the book you were reading, a poetic romance novel, taylor swift interludes playing softly in the background. you flipped through the pages mindlessly. you grew somewhat bored, setting the book down, tugging your bookmark between the pages. you closed your eyes in attempt to fall asleep until you received a text from your boyfriend asking if he could come over, he missed you. you replied with a simple text telling him you were going to shower first, you had no plans, after all. at least this got you out of bed, one of the few times this week. you got up, padding across the wooden floor sluggishly to the bathroom, after a long much needed shower, you threw on a pair of grey sweats, a white tank top and uggs. you brushed through your wet hair. you glossed your lips, curling your eyelashes. you felt incomplete without those simple steps to your routine.

you had spent the past week decaying in bed, you hadn’t seen anyone in ages, you barely even spoke to anyone except matt, he was checking up on you 24/7, making sure you were okay. you were deep in thought until your phone buzzed.

“i’m on my way, see you in 10”

you laid back in your bed, a gentle sigh left your lips, an inappreciable pout forming as you waited not so patiently for matt to arrive. your vision soon grew hazy, the ceiling distorting. not long after your eyelids fell shut, despite your great efforts to fight it off, falling into a deep sleep.

matt tossed a plain black hoodie over his body, creased navy plaid pajama pants and air forces, he picked up his keys and drove to your apartment. he noticed your windows were open, a sign you were home. he knocked on your door lightly but there was no answer. he hesitated before letting himself in, finding you asleep, entangled in your sheets. he smiled at you in awe of how peaceful you looked.

you were enjoying your sleep, that was until you felt a weight sink into the bed next to you, you opened your eyes, met with your boyfriend laying next to you, your sheets tucked over your tired body and your favorite bear plushie snug under your arms. he smiled down at you. “hi sweetheart” he whispered softly, kissing your head, you had forgotten he had a spare key to your apartment.

“matt?” you mumble softly, to which he smiles, bringing you closer as you crawl onto his clothed chest, you look at him for reassurance to lay down, to which he nods. you feel at peace, he provides a familiar sense of solace as your body sinks down into him. “'course princess, c'mere..” he mumbles, letting you bury your face in the space between his collarbone and neck “how was your day? have you eaten yet?” he peppered gentle kisses onto your face before making contact with your lips, he kissed you softly, just a light peck. you lean into his lips before he separates us, i nod to his question. “hii..i missed you baby, i ate noodles, and my day was fine, just sleepy” you half whisper, half mutter, your brain still hazy. you were unable to recall what you did today aside from passing out. he lifted you onto his lap a bit more, sitting you both up.

“just fine?” he questioned softly, a frown apparent on his lips, you could tell he was worried about you. “d’you wanna maybe go watch a movie? i’ll make us something to eat, we can lay on the couch, yeah?” he kissed your nose a few times, scratching your back “mhm, i’d like that” you mumble softly, he stands up, moving you off of him, you pout, putting your arms up to be carried, to which he obviously obliges, he cups your thighs in his palms, lifting you off the bed as he walks you to the living room, you wrap your legs around his waist, laying your head into his shoulder. he sets you down on the kitchen counter, laying a gentle kiss to your head, grabbing the rigatoni pasta out of your cupboard. you watched him begin cooking, in awe of your boyfriends aspects, his brown curls hanging delicately over his forehead, his eyes soft yet enthralled on the pasta. you got bored of just sitting there, you got off the counter and walked your way to him, hugging around his waist

“matty ‘m boredd” you whined, your glossed lips forming a pout, your brown locks laid over your shoulders, batting your eyelashes at him in the hopes he’d show you attention. he looked at you as if you were the most precious thing on this earth, to him, you really were. "princess i'm busy cooking, can't give you attention right now..why don't you sit on the counter here so you can watch me cook and we can talk about your day, hm?" he says softy, you shimmy your way up onto the counter and begin telling him every detail of your day, despite not having done much.

matt picked you up once he finished cooking and sat you down on the couch, he grabbed two bowls of pasta and set it on the coffee table in front of you. he sat down, matt gently hugged around your waist, putting on your favorite barbie movie: barbie in a mermaid tale, he knew how much you loved it, despite how childish it seemed, he would always tease you for it yet he would sit through the entire movie every single time, just to make you happy. he smiled down at you.

you always had ribbons scattered all over your place, in your room, the living room, your drawers, they were everywhere, he grabbed a pretty pink ribbon and laced it in your curls, tying your hair in a loose ponytail, he made sure to tie a bow too, just the way you liked it “my pretty girl.” he whispered, peppering kisses on you. he laid you down on the couch, carefully laying on top of you, pressing gentle kisses to your lips over and over, mumbling sweet nothings into your ear. you hum into his mouth, savoring his lips. he dipped his lips back into yours, kissing you lovingly. you felt his hand intertwine with yours, softly lacing your fingers together and holding them slightly above your head. “i love you, sweet girl.” he whispered, caressing your face, bringing your hair behind your ears. “i love you too, so much.” you whispered back.

after the movie, he carried you to your bathroom, setting you on the counter, he got between your legs and put your pink headband on your head to keep your hair out of your face, you just let him, he always did this kind of thing for you. he grabbed your cleanser, washing your face for you, he grabbed a towel to pat your face dry. “my gorgeous girl" he whispered, half to himself, he adored your bare face, he adored you, with or without makeup. he finished up and took you back to your bed, he tugged his hoodie off, along with his shirt, he kicked his shoes off and climbed into bed, he let you change into pajama shorts and the same white tank top, you laid on his bare chest, snuggling into his body. you soon fell asleep to his touch, scratching through your hair, it soothed you to sleep. "goodnight, angel. i love you" were the last words you heard before dozing off, you couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

. . .

tags: @mattscoquette

[guywithn0name]

-Alphabet headcanons-

;Miles G Morales

Miles G Morales x any gender reader

🎸 | Masterlist | 🎸

I still haven’t finished a post I’ve had in my drafts for like 3 months already ( ・∇・) (it’s a Leon Kennedy post lol) but in the meantime I’m going to write this and actively ignore the drafts (^з^)-♡ and ik Miles from 1610 and this Miles are super similar but they have different headcannons since they are still different people and they’ve had different experiences so yeah lol.

Warnings: not rly proofread

-‘A’ is for AFFECTION (how affectionate are they?)

Miles isn’t one to show much affection beyond a simple hand-in-hand or a small and quick peck while in public. But he is more affectionate when you two are in private, or with people he’s comfortable around. His love language is acts of service along with quality time. He likes building his tech when you’re around, not really talking but just chilling together while listening to music. If Miles ever gives you gifts he’ll give you homemade gifts like; paper bouquet, handwritten letter, homemade food and ect. I don’t really think he’d give a lot of materialistic gifts. Mostly because over half of the money he steals is to help him and his mom. And he doesn’t really get the point of them either. He gets they’re nice, but why buy something expensive when you can make something?

-‘B’ is for BESTFRIEND (what are they like as a bestfriend?)

He’a a pretty chill guy to be friends with at the end of the day. He might be a bit closed off at first but when he opens up he’s a huge nerd. He’ll talk about his tech for hours if you know he’s the Prowler. If you two go to a McDonald’s or something, he’s the one who’ll give you one chicken nugget but not buy you a box for you because he’s too poor for that, but if you buy him McDonald’s or something like that, he will give you something self-made as a thank you gift.

-‘C’ is for CUDDLES (how and do they like to cuddle?)

He’s one of them sleepy cuddle people, he especially cuddles with you when he’s sleepy or tired. He acts like he’s a big spoon when y’all cuddle, but he’s really a secret little spoon. He isn’t big on showing affection like I said before, but he is semi cuddly when you two are alone in peace. He likes wrapping himself around you, full body hug and all.

-‘D’ is for DOMESTIC (if they settle down, how will they help?)

Miles is a bit hesitant on settling down with someone. He wants to, yeah. But because of his Prowler job he isn’t quick to just live with anybody. But that aside, let’s talk about what it’s like to live with Miles. He’s the type of person who wants to split the chores. The chores he would do is probably cooking and things along those lines. If you know he’s the Prowler you 100% will find some random parts around the place. The random prowler claw in the coffee table in the living room. Don’t worry about it, Miles just wanted to watch some tv while he was fixing it. Miles appearing in the kitchen, his hands somehow covered in oil? He’s just getting water, don’t mind the oil, it’s just from his motorcycle. The random motorcycle and tech parts on the kitchen counter? Don’t worry, he’ll clean it up soon. He always tries to clean up his messes, but you might find some things that don’t belong in random places.

-‘E’ is for ENDING (how would the break up go?)

Depending on the situation of the break up and who breaks up with who, he still probably might be a bit sad about it, before or after the break up. If you’re the one who’s breaking up with him, he’d definitely want a reason why. He’d probably feel upset about it if it was for a good reason. If he’s the one breaking up with you. There’s are two reasons for him to break up with you. Reason number one; he doesn’t like you anymore and he’s not cruel enough to date someone he doesn’t like. Reason number two; he doesn’t want to put you in danger because of his Prowler job, he just wants to protect you one of the few ways he knows how to.

-‘F’ is for FIANCÉ (how do they feel about marriage)

Miles’ a bit hesitant to marry someone, but he does want to marry someone at some point of his life. He wants the same kind of marriage and love his mom and dad had together. If Miles has a wedding, he’d want a small wedding with only close friends and family attending. He’s not that interested in a big wedding with a ton of people. He thinks a wedding is something only the people who you and him are actually close to.

-‘G’ is for GENTLE (how gentle are they?)

He tries his best to be gentle with you. But he isn’t too good with it. Miles had built a kind of wall around himself after his dad’s death. He still tries his best with you, but somewhat always keeps you at an arms length. But after some time he lets you get closer. Miles’ always careful not to make you uncomfortable or uneasy.

-‘H’ is for HUGS (do they like hugs?)

Miles does like hugs, but he definitely isn’t that clear about it. He also somehow has some of the warmest, and best hugs ever to exist. His hugs with his family member and close friends are like bearhugs. He’s a little awkward hugging strangers tho.

-‘I’ is for I LOVE YOU (when do they say I love you for the first time?)

All things considered, Miles was probably the one who said “I love you” first. You two were hanging out on the rooftop of the apartment complex he lived in, just chilling and looking at the stars while listening to music from his phone. And suddenly he just blurted the words “I love you” while admiring you. It was a cute moment.

-‘J’ is for JEALOUSY (do they get easily jealous? And if they do, what will they do?)

He doesn’t get jealous that much, only when other people obviously flirt with you or something along those lines, he’s more protective than jealous most of the time. He knows you’re loyal, so he doesn’t act too jealous. The most he’ll do when he’s jealous is a small tug on your hand to signal he wants to leave while glaring at the other person, he has a cold exterior so the glare wasn’t unnecessary surprising.

-‘K’ is for KISSES (how often do they like to get or give kisses, and where?)

Miles isn’t someone who likes to give a lot of affection in public, like I said earlier. He does like giving kisses, and reviving them. Miles just doesn’t like giving them in public. When he does give kisses in public, the most he’ll do is give a little peck on the cheek, forehead or on your temple. When he does kiss you on the lips, he’ll definitely do it when you two are alone or at each others place like I’ve said multiple times. When you two kiss, he likes to have his hand on you hip or on the side of you neck. Miles also likes giving soft pecks on the neck when you two cuddle. He enjoys getting kisses, but he doesn’t like showing that. His favourite part to get kissed is on his temple or on the crook of his neck, but only a gentle kiss or peck.

-‘L’ is for LITTLE ONES (how are they with kids?)

There’s only one word on how to describe Miles with kids, awkward. He isn’t bad with them, or good with them. Just awkward. He doesn’t wanna hurt one of them, because of that he doesn’t really know how to handle them. He’s too scared that he’ll hurt one, so he prefers not to interact with kids.

-‘M’ is for MORNINGS (how are mornings with them?

He’s a groggy morning boy. And like I mentioned he’s cuddly when he’s tired, so don’t be expecting to be able to get up early. So when you wake up, you’re 100% in some messy position with Miles wrapped around you or laying on top of you. He probably drooled at least a bit during the night too. His whole morning routine is pretty simple, get up from bed. (Like ten minutes after he woke up) Then changing his clothes and getting breakfast after brushing his teeth, a simple and quick morning.

-‘N’ is for NIGHTS (how are nights with them?)

Miles has a full on night routine, it’s not a complicated one, but he still has one. He always takes a shower before he goes to bed. And his whole skin routine is only water. How does he have such clear skin with so little effort? Only no one knows. He also wears a durag to bed, he also has like three different durags to choose from. Why? Don’t ask, seriously, don’t. (He doesn’t know either) He also always says “good night” and “love you” to his mom before going to sleep. When he moves out, he’ll text it to her occasionally, but every night but some nights. Just to remind her that he still exists. (They talk almost every other day or every day on the phone)

-‘O’ is for OPEN (how open are they about themselves?)

Miles was more open before his dad’s death, but he became a lot more closed off after it. It takes a while for him to fully trust someone. But when he does give someone his trust, it’s like peeling an onion, a lot of layers. He’s slow at opening up, but when he does it means he really does trust you. When he does in fact trust you, you’re one of his forever friends. He’s the type of guy to have a few close friends rather than a lot of not so close friends.

-‘P’ is for PATIENCE (how patient are they with you?)

Since Miles himself is a pretty standoffish, so he understands if you don’t want to be open with him right off the bat. He’s definitely patient with you as long as you’re patient with him too. He wants to take his time with the relationship, not rush to things.

-‘Q’ is for QUIZZES (how much do they remember about you?)

Miles actually remembers quite a lot about you. It’s pretty surprising since he’s the Prowler, and his school along with helping his mom at home too.

-‘R’ is for REMEMBER (what’s their favourite moment in the relationship?)

One of his favourite moments in your relationship was when he told you he was the Prowler. You two had been dating for about a year and half at that point. You were staying over the night at his place. It was almost Halloween and the two of you were coming up with costume ideas when the topic of vigilantes came up. Or more specifically, the Prowler. Miles had been thinking about telling you that he was the Prowler for a bit at this point. So, he decided that now was a good time to tell you. A bit later Miles takes a deep breath and then takes your hands in his, before finally telling you the truth of him being the Prowler. It was a really nice moment to the two of you, and now one of Miles favourite moment of your relationship.

-‘S’ is for SECURITY (how protective are they?)

He’s actually a little protective, he wasn’t as protective before his dad died, but he got more protective after it. He doesn’t wanna loose another person who’s close to him. He also developed a small habit of walking you home when you’re over at his place. The city’s dangerous and he knows it, he likes knowing that you got home safe after you leave his place, it gives him some comfort.

-‘T’ is for TRY (how much effort are they putting into the relationship, dates and ect?)

Miles puts in his share fair of effort into the relationship, but if he notices that you’re not putting the same amount of effort into the relationship he’ll become more distant. He wants that the both of you put in effort for the relationship, not just one-sided effort. Like I mentioned before, he likes giving hand-made gifts and likes to cook homemade meals for you. He isn’t the biggest fan of going on fancy dates or anything. Mostly because he doesn’t really have enough money to pay for them, plus the city he lives in (and most likely you) definitely isn’t the safest place to have dates outside. Miles really likes dates that are spent indoors at each others houses. He especially likes movie dates, and dates where you cook or bake together. Doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not, he’ll still have a lot of fun with you.

-‘U’ is for UGLY (what’s a bad habit of theirs?)

He sometimes has a dumb habit of forgetting to answer texts or calls when his phone’s on silent. And if he does see it, he sometimes forgets to respond completely and only realises it a few hours later.

-‘V’ is for VANITY (how insecure are they?)

He’s not an insecure person, at all. He’s pretty confident in himself, he’s just quiet. But like with my Miles 1610 alphabet headcannon, he’ll get a tiny iny bit insecure if you two haven’t spent time together in a while. (you should go read it if you haven’t already ;) )

-‘W’ is for WHOLE (do they feel whole without you?)

Miles would be sad without you, but he wouldn’t fully feel incomplete without you. But he would certainly miss you. He already lost his dad, so he knows how to deal with sadness. He would miss you. But it all depends if you died or left him. If you died Miles would definitely make a graffiti of you, just like he did of his dad. But if you left him, or the other way around. He would probably think about you time to time, even miss you at times. But he wouldn’t come after you, the walls around his heart wouldn’t let him.

-‘X’ is for XTRA (extra headcanon about them)

Miles is a great cook, his mom taught him how to cook since he’s been little. He wants to get a small tattoo in honour of his dad in the future. He likes drawing you in his sketchbooks, and as little doodles in sticky notes that are on his blueprints of his gear and other things. He actually doesn’t enjoy horror movies a lot, he gets scared easily by them even tho he puts on a front of not-being-scared-of-anything. Miles definitely tender headed, and he only ever lets a very specific barber or his mom touch his hair. And you if you’re lucky.

-‘Y’ is for YUCK (what can they not stand?)

He hates people who just cannot season food properly, it disgusts and pains him at the same time.

-‘Z’ is for ZLEEP (how is to sleep with them?)

Two words for sleeping with him; no space. He moves around a ton while he sleeps and like I mentioned earlier, he cuddles a lot while he sleeps. He definitely has a second blanket that he hugs in his sleep when he can’t cuddle anyone. He’s also one of those people who just cannot sleep without a blanket on. Is he overheating under it? Maybe. But he can’t not sleep with it. Without it he ain’t sleeping, honestly.

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!! :)

[yuquinzel]

— crush culture.

feat. itoshi rin. fluff !! i love rin. maybe inspired by a tiktok. itoshi rin definitely has a crush on you.

“do you think i have a tell for when i lie?” you question, eyes absently trailing off deep in your thoughts. isagi hums from beside you, flicking his gaze to you in seconds as he ponders your words. “yeah, you definitely do. I can tell when you’re lying so easily.”

“wait, what is it? what’s my tell?”

“you avoid eye contact when you’re lying, I’ve noticed that like, everytime you say you ‘forgot’ to bring your homework.” he laughs, you gasp.

“no fucking way,” you breathe a sigh of utter disbelief, brows knitting together.

“yeah, you do that when we ask you about rin-chan too!” bachira joins in, and suddenly all pairs of eyes on the table are set on him— including your widened and hesitant ones.

“oh my god, totally. she just refuses to look at you if you ask her anything about him.” you don’t like the teasing undertone to reo’s words, the way everyone is narrowing their eyes at you with mischief flashing in their gazes.

it makes you shrink in your seat a little, “what’s that supposed to mean...”

“YOU DID IT AGAIN!”

“SHUT UP I DID NOT!”

truthfully, you’re aware you can’t maintain eye contact with anyone when you’re directly asked about the nature of your relationship with rin. you can’t look at your friends in the eye and say that “no, i only think of him as friend.”

“YOU’RE TOTALLY AVOIDING OUR EYES RIGHT NOW!”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE ANNOYING ME!”

you expect reo to retort, say something that’s definitely meant to annoy you even further. but he goes quiet instead, eyes trailing off and resting somewhere behind you. you follow his gaze, and surprise! surprise!— it lands on none other than the subject of your ordeal.

all eyes turn to him as he makes his way towards your table— he’s actually on his way past it, but you stop him just before he can pass you by. “where are you going?” you say, the answer already echoing in your mind.

you feel reo’s overly excited gaze on you at your laughable attempt to start a conversation with rin— there it goes, all your attempts to refute the supposed allegations of your crush on him.

“...to my desk.” he gestures towards his spot, a charming calmness to his words and a softer look in his eyes as he talks to you. it doesn’t go unnoticed by your friends, and someone coos in the distance.

“oh,” you say, a little hesitantly. “just sit here... with us.” with me. you leave that part out.

rin ponders your words, looking back and forth between you and his table. you almost regret saying anything when he doesn’t reply. but then he takes a seat beside you, which, truthfully— is a surprise to no one because there are plenty of empty seats on the table.

which prompts the question from everyone, their eyes brimming with a hunger for teenage romance, any sparks of it lighting up their eyes like fireworks.

“rin-chan, you totally have a crush on y/n! don’t you?” bachira asks, risking his life for an answer everyone wants.

you are left gaping at your friends like an idiot, dumbfounded as you struggle to form words. you see rin stiffen in his spot, followed by his immediate denials. “what? no. no, i don’t. don’t just casually say shit like that.”

“oh my god, his ears are red!” reo laughs.

“HEY THAT’S HIS TELL FOR WHEN HE’S LYING!” bachira’s voice makes you snap your head to turn to rin again, a shade of deep maroon blooming on his ears, extending to his cheeks as well.

immediately, rin is covering his ears, “shut the fuck up! i have no tell for lying.” followed by empty threats and more coos from your friends.

but all you can really see is the glow of warm hues setting in further into his skin, and his attempts to hide his ears even more when he catches you looking at him.

© yuquinzel2023 [ plagiarism is a violation of moral rights ! ]

me posting my drafts when i’m on hiatus :’)

[youunravelme]

head start

author’s note: s/o to @ethancale for making me come out of a writing slump of like two/three years. it should be noted that the reader is one year younger than jack. it should also be noted pt. 2 that i am just now understanding hockey so if the timelines don’t match up or i mess up terminology, oh well, i tried. this is my first thing i’m posting on here so please be nice, or don’t, i can’t tell you what to do.

pairing: jack hughes x reader

summary: you’ve had a crush on the middle hughes brother for as long as you can remember. and really, why wouldn’t you? he’s everything. so why would he ever fall for you?

warnings: a little mention of drinking. cursing? writing in all lowercase? is that a warning?

13/14

summers at the lake house used to be fun, full of wakeboarding, the scent of sunscreen, the feel of fresh water hitting you in the face. but that was before you turned thirteen. before you realized your best friend unintentionally sent a shiver down your spine that couldn’t be blamed on a cold wind.

and it’s not like he noticed, jack hughes still referred to you as his little sister as he tousled your hair. you were just fortunate enough that he was too focused on hockey to really care about other girls so you didn’t have a direct line of comparison. 

“are you gonna come swim or not?” jack burst into your kitchen, your parents, who sat at the table with you, didn’t even bat an eye. you had a spoonful of cereal halfway to your mouth that was quickly dropped back in the bowl.

“why? are you bored?” you teased, secretly hoping this would be the moment he confessed his undying love for you, but he just shrugged and moved his wet hair out of his face.

“i need someone to help me drown luke.” your heart sunk a little bit, but what did you expect? a love confession in the artificial lighting of your kitchen?

you sighed and pretended to think about it, like you weren’t two seconds from sprinting upstairs and changing just to spend time with him. “alright,” you started, not missing the way he smiled in triumph. “just let me get dressed.”

while you changed, he made small talk with your parents. your dad was really into hockey, and probably resented not having a son who would play though he would never admit it.

you came back downstairs dressed in a one piece (your parents still insisted you were too young for bikinis) and lathered in sunscreen. “let’s go!” you said as you ran past your parents and out the back door. 

“race you to the water!” you screamed over your shoulder as you sprinted barefoot towards the dock. you could hear his feet pounding behind you, knowing you only had a few seconds before he inevitably caught up, you pushed faster.

only for him to beat you at the last second, jumping straight into the water with you following shortly after.

“you had a head start and still couldn’t beat me!” he yelled at you once you breeched the surface.

pretty was the only word you could think of to describe the way he looked at that moment with water falling down his face and the sun lighting up his eyes.

“you okay?” he asked, his voice softer than before.

“i--”

“incoming!” luke launched himself over you and jack, splashing the both of you and ruining whatever moment you thought you were having.

if you were hesitant about helping jack drown his brother, you were sure now.

17/18

“new jersey's a long way from michigan,” was the first thing that came out of your mouth when you saw jack after he was drafted. you both sat on the dock outside his house, feet dangling in the water, shoulders close enough to brush against each other.

he shrugged it off, like he always did. “that’s why we have phones.”

but a phone can’t recreate your hugs or the way your laughter feels inside my chest is what you wanted to say. but you settled for: “you’re right. but you have to promise to always pick up when i call.”

“that’s a hefty promise.”

“this is a hefty friendship.” he still didn’t look convinced. “look, it’s not like i’ll call when you’re at practice or every friday night. i just don’t want you to forget about me when you become rich and famous.”

jack laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard. “i could never forget about you.”

your heart soared in your chest much like the birds above the lake. everything about what he said sounded sincere and it lit a flame in your stomach that you’d never experienced before. 

“i mean,” he continued. “ at the very least, the buck teeth you had as a kid are seared into my mind. i couldn’t forget those even if i tried.”

and there it was: the reminder that he’d always see you as a child, even if you were only a year younger. it sucked knowing he’d only ever attribute you to your awkward phases and never the growing woman you were slowly becoming. the year age gap never seemed like a problem when you were younger, but the older you got, the more he seemed to reference it.

a flicker of confusion appeared on his face before you realized you hadn’t laughed at his “joke.” so you plastered a smile on your face and playfully rolled your eyes. “funny,” you said because it was easier than confessing that it hurt.

“hey,” he started, bumping his shoulder with yours. “regardless of what happens, you’re still my best friend.”

“and you’re mine.”

and maybe that’s as far as your relationship goes, maybe you never get to experience what his lips would feel like on yours, but you’d settle for sunsets on the dock if it meant he could stay a little longer.

18/19

his rookie year might’ve sucked, but your senior year didn’t. you don’t know what it was, maybe it was your hair, or the fact that you cared a little bit more about your appearance, maybe it was because you stopped giving a fuck what others thought and just lived your life.

or maybe, and the saddest maybe, was that you stopped being jack’s little shadow.

you used to wait around for him to answer the phone, knowing his practice schedules and games like the back of your hand and working around them. you’d watch him play on the tv and wait two hours before attempting to call him. and to his credit, he did pick up the first month of living in new jersey, but then it was every other call, then every other week, then once a month until you stopped calling altogether.

luke noticed the difference, often walking over to your house to find you not at home, only to see you getting out of a car at 2 in the morning, stumbling drunk up to the front door.

he caught you one day in the hallways of school between classes. “are you alright?”

you opened your mouth to answer, but you were cut off by a pair of lips swooping down and planting one on you. your boyfriend, matt, mumbling a quick hello before he headed to class.

“sorry about that,” you said once matt disappeared down the hall. “what were you saying?”

luke didn’t say anything for a moment, just stared at you and the retreating back of your boyfriend. “jack’s in town tonight for a game last one of the season, just wondering if you were going.”

“did he get tickets?” you asked.

luke nodded. “one for mom, dad, you, me, and rachel--”

“rachel?” you said quietly, already feeling the dread rise up in your chest.

luke rolled his eyes, not taking notice of the panic bubbling underneath the surface of your body. “jack’s new girlfriend,” he explained. “she’s nice and all, just not who i saw him being with.”

“oh,” you said. then a beat later, “can i bring matt? i’ll pay for his ticket.”

luke looked hesitant but nodded anyway. “i don’t think it’ll be a problem, let me text jack and i’ll let you know.”

by the end of the school day, you got a text confirming that matt could come, ellen and jim opting to just pay for it instead of bothering jack about it.

the game itself was good if you ignored jack’s mediocre performance, something you never thought you’d ever say out loud. and for the most part, you didn’t pay attention, choosing to focus more on explaining the game to matt. when the game ended, you kept close to matt and luke, ignoring the excitement of rachel (who was not as bad as your jealousy led you to believe), and completely unaware of the looks ellen and jim kept shooting each other. 

after what felt like ages, jack finally appeared from the locker room, freshly showered. rachel ran up to him first, hugging him tightly before he could even take in the appearance of anyone else. 

“you did great, babe!” she cheered.

you had to keep a snort to yourself because he did not, in fact, do great, and judging by the look on his face, he knew it too. 

jack pulled away from the hug and finally looked at who came to support him, but his eyes stopped on the arm around your waist. three things seemed to happen at once and so quickly that you couldn’t really understand their meanings. his eyes darkened, his jaw clenched, and he swallowed like he was being force fed something he could barely tolerate.

but they all disappeared in the moment his parents hugged him, luke following up with a smaller hug until the only people left to greet him were you and matt. 

“hey,” you said, unsure of how to greet someone who essentially dropped off the face of the earth.

“who’s this?” he asked, eyes locked on yours.

you furrowed your brows. after months apart, little to no communication, this was how he greeted you? but a quick glance at his family and rachel told you it wasn’t the place to pick a fight.

“this is--”

“matt, i’m her boyfriend,” matt cut in, extending a hand to shake.

jack glanced at the hand and then you before hesitantly reaching out to shake. “jack, her best friend.” was all he said.

but matt didn’t stop there. “the one who stopped answering her phone calls?” he asked right as you felt the blood drain from your face. he tilted his head to the side to appear innocent, but you were familiar with that gleam in his eye.

jack didn’t back down, he just clenched his jaw. “and you’re the boyfriend no one mentioned? must sting, knowing you weren’t important enough to be invited in the first place.” he smiled and shrugged before turning around, kissing rachel, and heading back towards the locker room.

you shot a glare at matt before chasing after your best friend.

“jack wait!” he stopped walking, but didn’t turn around until you tugged on his wrist.

“what?” he asked, sounding tired and burned out, unlike the heat of his words just seconds before.

“i’m sorry he said that, he’s usually not...” you trailed off.

“such a dick?” he deadpanned. “i’d hope not.”

“jack...”

he held his hands up. “sorry. that was out of line.”

“little bit.”

jack sighed and ran a hand down his face. “why didn’t you tell me you were dating someone?”

you looked at him with your brows furrowed once again. “when should i have done that? the fourteenth or fifteenth phone call you didn’t answer?”

“i’m sorry--”

“you broke your promise, jack. and i get it, you’re busy but you said you wouldn’t forget about me and you did.”

“i never did!” he insisted. “listen, i know there aren’t enough excuses in the world to make up for how i’ve treated you the past few months, but i didn’t forget about you, i swear. i just didn’t want you to hear about hard it was playing professionally, i didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. my family’s reactions were hard enough.”

“i never thought less of you, jack. i was just waiting for you to talk to me about it.”

“well now that we’ve established that i’m an idiot for ignoring you, can i take you and everyone to dinner? as a treat for being a shitty best friend?”

for the first time that night, you left a genuine smile grace your face. “of course.”

you broke up with matt two days later.

20/21

when you were younger, you dreamt of going to ivy league schools and living out the dark academic lifestyle, but being at michigan proved to be better than anything you could’ve imagined. the culture, the campus, the sports all had you in a chokehold.

which was why you were grateful that luke continued playing hockey (as if there was any doubt).

“are you coming to my game this week?” he asked one night while you both were hanging out in his dorm. “jack will be there.”

you did a double take and nearly spit out the water you were sipping. “he will?”

“since he’s not an all star this year, he has a bye week. said he’d come see me play.”

your heart pounded in your chest. “oh,’ was all you could say.

“but if you ask me, i think he has ulterior motives,” luke said, wiggling his eyebrows in the process.

“okay stop that,” you threw a bottle cap at his head. “it’s weird and freaking me out because i have no idea what you’re implying.”

“don’t play dumb with me now,’ luke started. “you’ve had a crush on my brother since you were like twelve and you haven’t dated anyone seriously since matt.”

“and?”

“and? jack hasn’t really dated anyone since rachel.”

“he said he was too focused on hockey.”

luke scoffed. “if a guy wants to date someone during hockey season, he will make it happen. the point is, jack isn’t interested in dating just anyone.”

you blinked.

“do i really have to spell it out for you?” he asked. “jack likes you.”

“no,” you immediately replied. “i’m not getting my hopes up on a chance.”

“there is no chance! it’s the truth!”

“did he tell you that?”

“...not in so many words.” you opened your mouth but he butted back in. “but i know my brother, even better than you do, i know what he looks like when he’s in love.”

“jack doesn’t love me like that,” you mumbled.

“why couldn’t he? you’re a catch, and he’s known you forever. hell, i’d date you if there was a chance that you’d go for me and that jack wouldn’t absolutely murder me.”

“you’re out of your mind, luke,” you said before standing up. “and i’ve got to head home. i’ll see you at the game, alright? don’t suck.”

a few days later, you found yourself freezing your ass off sitting front row when a sweatshirt was tossed onto your head as someone plopped down in the seat next to you.

“why can’t you ever remember to bring a jacket to these things?”

jack.

you smiled and shoved him in the arm. “you made it!”

“of course i did, wasn’t gonna miss seeing luke play.” when you took a look at him, you noticed how his hair had gotten longer but was hidden under the baseball cap he wore, probably in a sorry attempt to keep things low-key.

“how have you been? how’s the team been?”

jack clutched at his chest. “you mean you haven’t been keeping up?”

you rolled your eyes but laughed anyway. “it’s better to hear from your mouth than random sportscasters.”

“it’s better, i really love it.” you made eye contact and for a second, the chatter around the room dissipated. the only ones who mattered were the two of you. “how have you been? how’s school?”

but you were lost in the cerulean color of his eyes. all you could muster to say was “fine,” before the buzzer went off, signaling the start of the game and snapping you both out of whatever trance you were in.

when one of luke’s teammates scored, you both jumped up and screamed, but it was jack who leaned down and yelled over all the noise. “you better cheer this loud when you come to my games.”

“i don’t think so!” you yelled back. “luke is my favorite hughes brother, now.”

you barely got the words out before his hands attacked your sides, pulling shrieks and laughs out of your mouth. “take it back!” he said. 

you kept laughing until you couldn’t take it anymore. “fine! i take it back.”

“say ‘jack is my favorite hughes brother.’“

you opened your mouth--

“no wait, say ‘jack is my favorite hockey player of all time.’“

you rolled your eyes but did it anyway. “jack hughes is my favorite hockey player of all time. there, you happy?” he nodded and suddenly it didn’t matter that you had to sacrifice some of your pride. how could you care about anything else when jack hughes smiled at you like that?

you both met luke down by the locker rooms, jack swearing to take you both out to dinner to congratulate his brother on a game well played. the three of you went to a small diner in town. luke sat on one side of a booth, jack on the other. you stood contemplating which seat to take before jack tugged you into the booth beside him, throwing his arm over your shoulder like it’s always found a home there. luke smirked but said nothing.

it would be another few weeks before you got to see jack in person again. both of you tiding yourselves over with facetime calls and texts.

he brought up being in town for another game and wanting you to attend. you drove yourself and luke to the arena, dressed in jack’s jersey you bought from a merchandise section.

“i’m sure he would’ve given you one if you’d just asked,” luke said.

“it’s not that big of a deal.”

“jerseys are expensive.”

“thanks luke, i had no idea.” 

“i’m just saying, you could’ve gotten it for free. he would’ve done it gladly.”

by the time the both of you made it to your seats, the game was about to start.

jack was having a great game. with multiple assists and goals scored, you found yourself wondering how he was even human. there were seldom times where you and luke were actually seated because the both of you were cheering and jumping so much.

at the end of the game, both you and luke made your way down to the locker room, waiting for jack to finish with the interviews as he got off the ice.

“don’t look so nervous,” luke said. “he’ll be happy to see you.”

and sure, that was true, but there was something about that night that felt different. he kept moving his sweaty hair out of his face and glancing around. it wasn’t until he caught sight of you and luke, that jack quickly wrapped up his interview and all but ran towards them.

“good game jack,” you smiled. but his was brighter.

“you came,” he breathed. you could vaguely register luke walking away, but didn’t think much of it.

“you asked me to, why wouldn’t i come?”

“you’re entirely too good for me.”

“jack what’re you talking about--” but your words were cut off when his hands grabbed your face and pulled your lips to his.

it didn’t feel like fireworks, or butterflies, or anything you imagined it was be. it felt like coming home. like the culmination of all your dreams met in that exact moment. his lips were chapped and he smelled like sweat but you couldn’t have imagined this moment any more perfect than it already was.

you only stopped when the need for air overrode the need to stay close to each other.

“what was that?” you whispered.

“a few years in the making,” he replied. “how long for you?”

“since i was twelve.”

he laughed and kissed you again. “you had a head start and i still beat you.”

fin.

[yan-lorkai]

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/N: I didn't like the result of this oneshot to be honest, idk, the idea was good but the writing turned out bad along the way. But this had been sitting on my drafts for quite a while so I'm just gonna post it so I don't have to look at it whenever I open my drafts. Maybe you darlings can find something about this enjoyable, maybe not.

You wake up slowly, the first light of dawn slipping through the gap in your curtains, casting a gentle glow over the room. The soft illumination reveals the familiar shapes of your bed, wardrobe, a small table, and a few scattered books.

You reach for your phone and check the time: 7 AM. For a few moments, you simply lie there, processing the fact that you were awake so early, trying to recall if you had any dreams. You vaguely remember a loud noise but can’t quite place it if it was real or part of your dream.

Stretching lazily, you begin to shake off the remnants of sleep. As you become more alert, the sound you thought was part of a dream becomes clearer, vivid. What initially seemed like distant murmurs from your neighbors now grows distinct, nearer.

The voices aren’t coming from outside — they’re inside your house. Someone - not one but two people - were inside your house right at that moment, talking excitedly in whispers and murmurs. You blinked, confused, questioning if your mind was playing tricks on you.

"Jamil, this place is incredible! Look at all these things!" The voice is energetic and familiar, bursting with excitement. You can almost picture the person’s smile just by hearing it.

"Please, Kalim, don’t touch anything until we figure out what’s going on," Another voice responds, calm but firm, tinged with exasperation. It’s a voice you recognize as well. "We need to understand where we are first. I’m still investigating."

Slowly, you swing your legs over the side of the bed, your feet meeting the cool wooden floor. You hesitate, wondering if you should grab something for protection, but there’s nothing within reach. A book, a vase, a shoe, nothing that could injury or incapacitate a thief. With your heart pounding and without thinking much, you open the bedroom door.

In the hallway, you see something that wasn't expected: Kalim, with his silver hair and colorful attire, is curiously examining the objects around him, while Jamil, his eyes sharp and arms crossed, surveys the scene cautiously.

"Oh my God…" Your voice is barely above a whisper, filled with disbelief. You close the door quickly, trying to wrap your mind around what you’ve just seen. After a few more seconds, with your heart racing, you open it again.

"Uh, hello! I’m Kalim and this is my friend Jamil. I think… we got lost and ended up here. What place is this?" Kalim asks, his sweet smile making your heart skip a beat. Your face heats a little as you struggle to find words.

This time, Kalim and Jamil, your favorite characters from Twisted Wonderland, are standing right in front of your door, Kalim’s hand raised as if he was about to knock. You freeze, staring at them as they stare back at you.

It's a little awkward, really. Being so close to them like that, seeing how different they are from their 2D version. Kalim shifts the weight from his leg to one over the other, a smile growing on his face.

Is this real or a dream? You can’t tell.

Realizing you need to respond, you clear your throat and explain that they’re in your house and tell them the name of your country. Jamil looks puzzled for a second.

"I beg your pardon? Could you repeat the country name?"

You do, aware that it doesn’t exist in their world — not from what you remember, there wasn't an equivalent of it in their world, still you just started playing so you didn't know much about it or about them, as you were still in Savanaclaw chapter. Kalim and Jamil exchange glances.

Jamil, clearly uneasy, speaks up. "We need to find a way back home. Could you possibly help us?"

As he begins explaining how they ended up here - through a portal that appeared from thin air and brought them there, you notice from the corner of your eye Kalim wandering around, his curiosity piqued by everything in the room. He picks up a book from the shelf, flipping through it with childlike wonder, occasionally letting out a delighted squeal when he spots a particularly beautiful picture or drawing. It's cute to see.

"Look, Jamil! This book has so many interesting stories!" Kalim turns to you, eyes sparkling. "You have so many beautiful things here. I wouldn’t mind staying a little longer."

You smile, feeling more at ease. "Well, that’s good to hear, because magic isn't real here nor anyone knows how to use it, so I’m not sure how much I can help you two."

Jamil nods, his expression thoughtful as he processes this new information. He falls silent, clearly rethinking his plans. You can’t help but notice how handsome he is — more so than you imagined. A selfish part of you doesn’t want them to return to Twisted Wonderland, even though you know they have people waiting for them back home.

"Can I make breakfast for you two?" You offer, hoping to lighten the mood. Kalim’s face lights up instantly.

Kalim has his siblings, his parents, so does Jamil. Despite your thoughts, you want to help. You’ve read enough isekai stories to understand how painful it must be to be away from everything familiar. They've might love here for a few weeks but then homesickness will kick in.

"I’d love that! Especially if it’s something different from what we eat in Scarabia," He responds, placing the book back on its original place.

Kalim eagerly sits down, his eyes darting around, taking in every detail of your kitchen. Jamil, on the other hand, sits more cautiously, his posture straight and alert.

As you head to the kitchen, still surprised and speechless, Kalim and Jamil following closely behind, both still taking in the unfamiliar surrounding. You gesture for them to take a seat at the small kitchen table. "Make yourselves comfortable. It might not be as grand as what you’re used to, but I’ll whip up something tasty."

As you start gathering ingredients, you hear Kalim ask, "So, what kind of food do you usually eat here? Is it spicy? Sweet?"

You chuckle at his enthusiasm. "I have a bit of everything. But I think you’ll like pancakes. They’re sweet, especially with some syrup or fruit."

"Pancakes?" Kalim repeats, the word foreign yet intriguing to him. "That sounds delicious!"

Jamil, still cautious but visibly more relaxed, adds, "It might be best to eat something simple. We don't know how long we’ll be here."

You nod, understanding his concern. "Don’t worry, pancakes are quick and easy. We can figure out the rest after breakfast."

As you prepare the batter, Kalim continues to pepper you with questions about your world, about you or your family, about this country or the culture. He’s fascinated by everything, from the kitchen appliances to the types of food you describe, from the legends and old myths to the songs and stories. Jamil listens quietly, occasionally nodding, but it’s clear his mind is focused on something else - probably the situation they’re in and how to resolve it.

After a few minutes, the kitchen fills with the mouth-watering aroma of pancakes cooking on the griddle. Kalim’s eyes widen as he watches you flip them with practiced ease.

"Wow, you’re really good at this!" Kalim exclaims, practically bouncing in his seat.

You smile, enjoying the warmth of their company despite the odd circumstances. "I’ve had a lot of practice. Plus, pancakes are pretty tasty so I eat them often."

As you serve the pancakes with syrup and some fruits, Kalim eagerly reaches for a plate, his excitement contagious. Jamil takes his with more restraint but seems genuinely curious about the taste.

Kalim takes a big bite and his eyes widen in delight. "These are amazing! Jamil, you have to try them!"

Jamil cuts a small piece, his expression remaining neutral as he tastes it - he was wearing that same neutral face as you cooked, watching over you like a hawk so you wouldn't try to poison Kalim. But after a moment, a small, appreciative smile appears on his lip. "They’re quite good."

You feel a sense of satisfaction seeing them enjoy something so simple. As you sit down to eat with them, Kalim continues to chatter, sharing stories about his world, his life at Scarabia, and all the adventures he’s been on, all which you know about since you spent so much time reading his and Jamil's vignettes. Jamil, while more reserved, occasionally chimes in with corrections or additional details, his tone always careful but respectful.

The conversation flows easily and you find yourself getting lost in their stories, almost forgetting that this whole situation is surreal. But eventually, the reality of it starts to settle in again and you realize that, as much as you’re enjoying their company, you need to help them find a way back.

"So," You begin, setting down your fork, "do you have any idea how you got here? Maybe we can figure out a way to reverse it."

Jamil straightens, his expression serious. "It’s still unclear. We were performing a task in the Hall of Mirrors when a portal unexpectedly opened. I tried to close it, but it pulled us through before I could react."

Kalim, still enjoying his pancakes, adds, his mouth half full as he respond to you, "I thought it was just another adventure, but now… it seems more complicated than that."

You nod, trying to piece together what they’re saying with your limited knowledge of their world. "I don’t have magic, but maybe there’s something here that can help. Books, maybe? Or something from the internet?"

Jamil raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "Books and the internet? Perhaps there’s information that could be useful. We should start with what you have here."

Kalim, still beaming from the breakfast, jumps to his feet. "I’m ready to help! Where should we start?"

You glance around your home, thinking about where to begin. "I have some books on mythology and folklore that might have similar stories. And I can look up anything online that seems relevant. We’ll figure this out together."

Jamil nods, his expression a mix of determination and gratitude. "Thank you. Your help is greatly appreciated."

As you all prepare to dive into research, a sense of fear is palpable in the air, almost as if they were afraid they wouldn't be able to return home. Wishing on a star was something you used to do, you wished hard for things to happen, for things to be possible. And now they were. Jamil and Kalim were here, by your side, Kalim sitting beside you while Jamil was resting his face on his hands, tired. And as you begin your search, you can’t help but feel that this something out of a silly story. And you're going to do your best to send them back home.

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D