#I have to go and read their latest bs too

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A media literacy handbook for Israel-Gaza

Next Tuesday (Oct 31) at 10hPT, the Internet Archive is livestreaming my presentation on my recent book, The Internet Con.

Media explainers are a cheap way to become an instant expert on everything from billionaire submarine excursions to hellaciously complex geopolitical conflicts, but On The Media's "Breaking News Consumers' Handbooks" are explainers that help you understand other explainers:

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/segments/breaking-news-consumers-handbook-israel-and-gaza-edition-on-the-media

The latest handbook is an Israel-Gaza edition. It doesn't aim to parse fine distinctions over the definition of "occupation" or identify the source of shell fragments. Rather, it offers seven bullet points' worth of advice on weighing all the other news you hear about the war:

https://media.wnyc.org/media/resources/2023/Oct/27/BNCH_ISRAEL_GAZA_EDITION_1.pdf

I. "Headlines are obscured by the fog of war"

Headline writers have a hard job under the best of circumstances – trying to snag your interest in a few words. Headlines can't encompass all the nuance of a story, and they are often written by editors, not the writers who produced the story. Between the imperatives for speed and brevity and the broken telephone between editors and writers, it's easy for headlines to go wrong, even when no one is attempting to mislead you. Even reliable outlets will screw up headlines sometimes – and that likelihood goes way up in times like these. You gotta read the story, not just the headline.

II. Know red flags for bullshit

The factually untrue information that spreads furthest tends to originate with a handful of superspreader accounts. Whether these people are Just Wrong or malicious disinfo peddlers, they share a few characteristics that should trip your BS meter and prompt extra scrutiny:

High-frequency posting

Emotionally charged framing

Posts that purport to be summaries or excerpts from news outlets, but do not include links to the original

The phrase "breaking news" (no one has that many scoops)

III. Don't trust screenshots

Screenshots of news stories, tweets, and other social media should come with links to the original. It's just too damned easy to fake a screenshot.

IV. "Know your platform"

It used to be that Twitter got a lot of first-person accounts from people in the thick of crises, while Facebook and Reddit contained commentary and reposts. Today, Twitter is just another aggregator. This time around, there's lots of first-person, real-time reporting coming off Telegram (it runs well on old phones and doesn't chew up batteries). Instagram is widely used in both Israel and the West Bank.

V. "Crisis actors" aren't a thing

People who attribute war images to "crisis actors" are either deluded or lying. There's plenty of ways to distort war news, but paying people to pretend to be grieving family members is essentially unheard of. Any explanation that involves crisis actors is a solid reason to permanently block that source.

VI. There's plenty of ways to verify stuff that smells fishy

TinEye, Yandex and Google Image Search are all good tools for checking "breaking" images and seeing if they're old copypasta ganked from earlier conflicts (or, you know, video-games). The fact that an image doesn't show up in one of these searches doesn't guarantee its authenticity, of course.

VII. Think before you post

Israel-Gaza is the most polluted media pool yet. Don't make it worse.

There's plenty more detail on this (especially on the use of verification tools) in Brooke Gladstone's radio segment:

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/episodes/on-the-media-breaking-news-consumers-handbook-israel-gaza-edition

The media environment sucks, and warrants skepticism and caution. But we also need to be skeptical of skepticism itself! As danah boyd started saying all the way back in 2018, weaponized media literacy leads to conspiratorialism:

https://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2018/03/09/you-think-you-want-media-literacy-do-you.html

Remember, the biggest peddlers of "fake news" are also the most prolific users of the term. For a lot of these information warriors, the point isn't to get you to believe them – they'll settle for you believing nothing. "Flood the zone with bullshit" is Steve Bannon's go-to tactic, and it's one that his acolytes have picked up and multiplied.

It's important to be a critical thinker, but there's plenty of people who've figured out how to weaponize a critical viewpoint and turn it into nihilism. Remember, the guy who wrote How To Lie With Statistics was a tobacco industry shill who made his living obfuscating the link between smoking and cancer. It's absolutely possible to lie with statistics, but it's also possible to use statistics to know the truth, as Tim Harford explains in his 2021 must-read book The Data Detective:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/04/how-to-truth/#harford

There's a world of difference between being misled and being brainwashed. A lot of today's worry about "disinformation" and "misinformation" has the whiff of a moral panic:

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2023/10/are-we-having-a-moral-panic-over-misinformation.html

It's possible to have a nuanced view of this subject – to take steps to enure you're not being tricked without equating crude tricks like sticking a fake BBC chyron on a 10-year-old image with unstoppable mind-control:

https://sts-news.medium.com/youre-doing-it-wrong-notes-on-criticism-and-technology-hype-18b08b4307e5

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/28/fog-o-war/#breaking-news

[a-very-tired-jew]

Conversations with a younger colleague about I/P conflict

In my department there is a grad student who is friendly with myself and a few others of the openly nerdy ecologists. We actively talk about anime, video games, TTRPGs, etc... We've also all collaborated on research together because we generally study the same thing, and being a grad student we are also letting them helm their own research to carve their own path. The research topic that links all of us is decomposition ecology.

Meaning, we study death, how it effects the environment, and all the things having to do with it. Often we have our own terms that we define and use, but we also work within the framework of various medical and legal definitions nationally and internationally. Recently this student has been talking to me about the I/P conflict because it has dominated their social media feed. Like many young adults, this is their first I/P conflict and their first exposure to anything regarding that region. As such, they have come to me to talk about things knowing that I am Jewish. Not out of maliciousness, but because I am the only person they talk to that has any sort of connection to it. Over these past months they have repeated the "genocide/Holocaust" rhetoric that we have seen Western Activists use to make the conflict the Worst Thing Ever. Our conversation went as follows: GS: I can't believe they're committing a Holocaust on them after what they went through. Me: How is it a Holocaust? GS: They're committing a genocide against the Palestinians. Me: They're not doing either one, but let's touch upon the first thing you said. How? GS: They're killing them in large numbers! Me: Oh...oh...that's not what made the Holocaust the Holocaust, you know that right? It was years of systematic dehumanization that culminated in what we know. There were death camps, torture, experimentation, and so much more than simple "killing in large numbers". GS: Damn public school education... Me: You didn't really go over it too much did you? GS: WWII was, like, a week I want to say. Me: *sigh* yeah, not surprised at all. GS: Okay, so a genocide then? Me: GS, what do we study? GS: Decomp Me: and that involves? GS: Death Me: One avenue of which is mass casualty events which a number of our friends have published on. GS: Yeah! I read those papers, they were really good. Me: They were, but do you remember conversations we had about them and what differentiates mass casualty events from one another? GS: Cause? Me: And...? GS: Shit. Intent. Me: Exactly. Has their been an official stated intent to commit any genocide? I mean, you've got the bigots in the government like Ben Givir and the shit they say, I'll give you that. But has the official stance been genocidal? GS: No. I don't think so. Me: What has it been? GS: To get the hostages back and get rid of Hamas. Me: Uh huh, and what has been Hamas's stated intent? GS: To kill Zionists. Me: And before 2017 when they changed the wording in their charter? GS: ah fuck...it's Jews isn't it? Me: Ding ding ding. GS: So that's why no one in the group has said it's a genocide... Me: Correct. Humanitarian crisis brought about by war? Yes. Mass casualty event? Certainly. But genocide? Well, there's a reason no one in our circle has endorsed the term. And remember, we're considered experts on death. GS: I got puppeted didn't I? Me: Yep. GS: Shit. The only reason this went so well is due to our friendship and mentor/mentee dynamic. They already trust me to not lead them astray, be informed, and address the holes in their knowledge. Hell, they help me be a better scientist as well with how they bring in new and novel techniques that I didn't know. But they're still getting a lot of their info from TikTok and IG, and they've talked about a lot of BS from those two particular apps these past few years. This is just the latest (they had a TikTok induced anti-GMO trend for a while, it was bad).

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Things Learned and Unlearned Ch. 5

Series Summary: Y/N has spent her life trying to outrun her mother's reputation. When she meets the rich and successful playboy, Dean Winchester, how quickly can he get her to stop running?

Pairings/Characters: Dean Winchester x Y/N, Sam Winchester, Jessica Winchester, Lucy Winchester (OC)

Warnings: Each chapter will have it's own warnings, but there will be smut, seduction, virgin!reader, playboy!dean, Edwardian era BS attitudes surrounding sex and women. (Technically it's set in 1900 and the Edwardian era started in 1901, but you get it.) Angst, Fluff, all the good stuff that regularly pops up in my series. 😁

Chapter Warnings: Here be smut. 😊 Light oral (m receiving), handjob, conversations about sex.

Word Count: 3,751

A/N: Here's Ch. 6. I so appreciate all the love and support you're all giving this series. Hope you enjoy the latest installment. ❤️

Series Master List || Main Master List || Tag List

Dean watched Y/N's chest rise and fall and felt the warm air escape from her slightly parted lips onto his shoulder where her head lay. Her lashes lay fanned against cheeks - cheeks that seemed pale, as though she wasn't getting enough rest. He let her sleep longer than he wanted; she seemed to need it and it allowed him time to study her features and imprint them in his memory. 

He'd be gone tomorrow, at noon. He had no idea when he would get back here. He never visited more than once a year at most. His family's business was very demanding and time consuming, and he needed to be in New York to run it. But as he brushed his finger down Y/N's cheek, he suddenly wished he could stay longer…much longer.

Or even better, he wished Y/N would reconsider his offer to be his mistress. Then he could come to see her several times a week, maybe more if she was amenable. He didn't want to upset her though, in their last hours together, so he decided to keep that hope to himself.

He was grateful, when she stirred and her eyes opened. There weren't many hours left.

She was clearly confused as she opened her eyes and didn't recognize where she was right away. When she looked at him though, he could see memory dawn, and chuckled at the predictable blush that bloomed in her cheeks.

She sat up slightly, pulling the sheet up higher to cover herself. "How long have I been sleeping? What time is it?"

"You've only been out about an hour. It's nearly two o'clock." He said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She ducked her head. "I should go. I shouldn't have stayed."

He ran his knuckles down her bare arm. "Is that what you really want?"

She looked up at him and hesitated before answering. "No, it isn't."

"What do you want?" He asked, desire flooding his gaze.

A million emotions crossed her face, too quick for him to read them properly.

"I have a question."

He nodded.

"How long does it take to know if I'll have a baby?"

Dean frowned. "What?"

"Well, I know women carry babies for 9 months, but how long before I can tell if I'm with child?"

Dean's frown deepened. "No time at all. I can tell you right now. You're not with child."

Her eyes widened. "How can you tell?" She looked down at herself, looking under the sheet at her stomach as though looking for a message there.

Dean shook his head in disbelief. "Because we didn't do what we'd need to in order to make a baby."

Her head snapped up to look at him. "What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath. "Y/N, what do you think has to happen to make a baby?"

She blushed harder. "A man and woman take off their clothes and lay in bed and the man does something and hopefully a baby comes. At least, usually it's hopeful when the man and woman are married."

Dean put his hand to his mouth, and studied her. How had she gotten to the age of twenty-six without knowing the basic biological necessities of procreating?

Y/N turned to face him more fully. "So, do you mean, that what you did to me," her skin was on fire, "that wasn't the marriage act?"

"The what?"

"The marriage act. I only know a little from friends at school. That's what they said had to happen to make a baby, and Mrs. Oliver called it the marriage act. Is that not what it's called?"

Dean pushed a hand through his hair and tried not to laugh. "Well, we're not married, so it wouldn't make sense to call it that. But no, what we did was not the marriage act, and no babies will result from it."

Y/N looked distinctly relieved for a moment before looking puzzled again. "So, if we didn't participate in the marriage act, does that mean…am I still chaste?"

Dean didn't think chaste described her screaming release of an hour ago, but he didn't want to embarrass her, so he just nodded. "Yes, you remain a virgin. That's why I did it that way."

"There are other ways to do it?" The question seemed to pop out of Y/N's mouth before she could stop it because she clapped a hand over her mouth and ducked her head again. "I'm sorry, what a question to ask."

But Dean answered anyway. "Yes, there are many, many other ways of making love."

In spite of her fiery blush, Y/N asked, "Is that what you call it? Making love?"

"Well, there are a lot of other things it's called too, but that's one."

Y/N nodded and then grabbed hold of his hand.

"Dean, could you teach me about making love?" She must have been startled by the heat and desire he knew flooded his expression because she quickly amended her statement. "I mean, could you tell me about making love? I have no one else I could ever ask, and I'd like to know."

Dean had no idea what to say. He was quiet for a minute and Y/N shook her head. "I'm sorry, that's a horrible question to ask. I'm sorry."

"No, Y/N, don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for, I just…" he paused for a moment, "…I've just never talked about it with a woman."

"So, you don't talk when you're making love." It was a statement and she sounded like she was taking notes.

"Well, I mean, yes, you talk, but not…" He shoved a hand through his hair. "…usually the conversation isn't so…it's just a different kind of talking."

Her expression was innocent and questioning and he cleared his throat, determined to answer the questions she had.

"Alright so, I don't know how well I'll be able to answer all your questions, but I'll try. Go ahead." He braced himself.

Only two bright patches of red showed in her cheeks when she asked again, "How are babies made?"

Dean took a deep breath. "Well, men have a…" he cleared his throat and started over. "Women have…" he raked his hand through his hair again. This was a very strange conversation to be having. He realized he needed more information.

"Y/N, what do you know? I mean do you know what a man looks like?" he asked. "I mean, the parts you don't usually see." He amended.

She gestured to his torso. "Just what's in front of me." She said, smiling shyly.

"So, you've never seen a naked man, not even in a painting? Or a sculpture?"

She looked away, and gave a small shrug. "There weren't a lot of paintings or sculptures like that at my school."

He grinned. "I guess not. But since you've been out of school?"

She looked at him again. "I haven't exactly gone looking for them."

He chuckled. "Fair enough."

Her face brightened. "Oh, I did see a painting of a naked cherub once."

Dean couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. She smiled and looked sheepish.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, really. I just can't imagine many men would want a woman to believe they resembled a naked cherub."

She rewarded him with one of her adorable wide grins. "No, I imagine not." She reached up and ran a hand from his shoulder down to his elbow, her grin melting away into a look of hunger. "And I can't imagine anything that looks less like a cherub."

She studied his body for a moment and her gaze alone made his already hard cock feel close to bursting. She pulled her hand away and tucked the sheet more firmly around her. Dean tried to force his body under control.

"So," she said, trying to bring them back on track, "you were saying?"

"Right." He cleared his throat. It seemed very dry all of a sudden. "So, men have a…uh…a kind of…um…" He looked at her face, and came up with the best word he could to describe it. "They have a shaft."

Y/N's face was quizzical. He continued. "And women have…well, I mean you know what your own body looks like." Her face looked confused now. "I mean, you know what…I mean, surely you've looked at yourself."

Comprehension flooded her expression along with a lot of embarrassment. "No, of course not. I mean, not really." She was acutely embarrassed and she wouldn't look him in the eye. "I mean, of course I've never looked, it's…well, it's sinful!" She exclaimed, as though he was mad for not realizing that.

It made him very sad to hear her say such a thing and he took her chin in his hand to force her to focus on him. "Y/N, it's your own body. It is literally the body God created for you, how on earth could it be sinful to look at it?"

While she tried to absorb his words, he decided to just tell her straight. "So, men have a shaft and women have an opening into their body. It's the opening that babies come out of," he paused, "and I suppose the opening where they're put in as well. Men have a um…a seed that comes from their shaft and they put their shaft into the woman's body and plant their seed. A baby grows from there."

He wasn't sure that was the best explanation, especially because Y/N looked slightly horrified.

She opened and closed her mouth several times before managing to speak. "So, if I want a baby, I have to let a man stick a shaft into a hole in my body." Her face was scrunched up and full of disgust. He had to admit that when it was summed up that way it did not sound very pleasant. He decided that if he didn't want to leave her completely terrified he should clarify things a little.

"I know it sounds very…mechanical and cold, but it's not when it's happening." He moved closer to her on the bed and cupped her cheek. "It's just like earlier, when I touched you and tasted you, it's the same kind of heat." He bent his head and kissed her slow, and sweet. She responded immediately, trying to deepen the kiss. But he pulled away; he wasn't trying to start her desire up all over again. "See, not cold or mechanical."

She raised a hand to her mouth and shook her head, a little sadly he thought. "No, not cold." She smiled softly.

She looked into his eyes. "Can I…" she paused for a moment. "Could I see it? See you, I mean?"

His blood started pumping overtime and he shifted away from her again. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

Her face was suddenly flooded with red and she shook her head quickly. "No, of course not. I'm sorry, Dean. What a horrible thing to ask for, I'm…sorry…" she trailed off in embarrassment and Dean wanted to kick himself.

He grabbed her hand with both of his and brought it to his chest. "Please look at me." When she did, he continued, "You have nothing to apologize for, Y/N. When it is me and you, together like this, I promise you that there is nothing you could ask, nothing you could ask for, and nothing you could tell me that is wrong, or sinful, or terrible. The space between us here," he pressed his hand to the sheet that covered her chest before bringing his hand back to press against his own chest. "…this space is sacred. It's magic. There's nothing that can't be said."

She blushed but she nodded. "Alright."

Suddenly her expression became quizzical, and she was staring at his pants. "Why aren't you naked? You kept your pants on. You said not to hide, but you're hiding. Why?"

He sighed and chuckled lightly. He let go of her hand. "For the same reason I said that it wasn't a good idea for you to…look at me. Because I'm doing everything I can to control myself, and that might be too much."

"Control yourself?"

"It's better if I have a kind of barrier between me and you. My…um…shaft…" he shook his head over the absurdity of this conversation and the fact that it was making him so incredibly hard. "Let's just say it's very sensitive."

Y/N thought about his words for a moment. "So, you're still aching. You didn't…come apart, like me?"

Her expression was worried and she bit her bottom lip, a gesture that made him think his pants might not actually make much of a difference for very long.

"No, I didn't." He said succinctly.

"Well, that hardly seems fair."

He smiled a strained smile. "It's fine. I'm fine."

She frowned at him. "So, you don't…I see…you don't ache for me the way I ache for you. It's different? Like the difference between me kissing you and you kissing me? You don't need me to fix it for you?"

She looked sad and Dean swore softly. "Y/N, you have no idea how much I ache, how desperate I am to have you touch me, kiss me, fix me. But I'm trying to abide by your wishes. I'm trying to keep you a virgin, and there's only so much torment a man can take. If you look at me and touch me, I'm going to spill my seed, and I am trying to spare you that."

She looked like she was trying to work something out. "And if you spill your seed, I wouldn't be a virgin anymore and I might have a baby?"

He took a deep breath and swallowed. "No, only if I was inside you." With every word of this conversation, his pants felt tighter, and he felt closer to bursting.

Y/N shrugged. "Then why can't I help you feel better, the way you helped me?"

Dean tried to come up with an explanation, but all he could manage was to shake his head as his body screamed for release.

Y/N moved closer to him and reached for the button on his pants. He grabbed her wrist quickly to stop her. They sat like that a moment, before Y/N whispered. "Don't hide yourself from me."

Her words and the look of desire and heat that flooded her gaze tore down the last of Dean's control, and he sagged back against the pillows, dropping her wrist.

She shifted so that she was sitting on her knees beside him and reached for his top button again. She undid it and pulled down his pants and underwear at once. He lifted his hips to help her and soon his cock was springing free of the confinement that had tortured him for hours.

Y/N gasped and sat back on her heels. She stared with wide eyes before blurting. "That's supposed to fit inside me? It's too big!"

Dean groaned and laughed at the same time, so it sounded a little like he was coughing. "Damn, you do wonders for a man's confidence." He grinned at her wickedly. "But trust me, it fits."

She stared at him a while longer before leaning forward again and reaching to run her fingers through the line of hair on his stomach. Unlike the last time, he didn't stop her, allowing himself to revel in the sweet torment.

He watched her reach out her hand timidly and touch the head of his shaft with a fingertip. He sucked in a breath from the jolt of fire her touch brought. She pulled back, and looked into his face. "I'm sorry! Did that hurt?"

He shook his head and his voice was very strained. "No, but yes. Sorry that doesn't make sense."

But Y/N nodded and her smile was a little naughty. "Yes, it does. It might not have a couple of hours ago, but it does now. Do you want me to continue?" She seemed to be asking a question to which she already knew the answer.

Y/N looked at Dean, his face taut, his muscles tense, and she knew two things; this was the most beautiful man she would ever see, and she had the power to bring Dean the same kind of fiery torment and blissful release he'd given her.

She reached out to stroke him again.

His hands balled into fists and a guttural sound issued from his lips.

She leaned down and placed a kiss on the very tip of his shaft. His body shuddered and a tiny amount of liquid seeped from the end. She rubbed the liquid into his skin with her forefinger. "Is this your seed?" she asked, still interested in learning. Dean only grunted, but she took it as an affirmative.

She continued to run her fingers up and down the silky smooth skin that covered the ramrod hardness under her hand. Dean's breath came hard and fast. She was having fun exploring, placing a kiss here and there along the length. 

After a few minutes, Dean pushed himself up on his one elbow, moving so that he laid sideways. He took hold of Y/N's hand and showed her how to wrap it around his shaft and move it up and down. Gently at first, and harder and faster as the heat and fire in his gaze built and built. She knew he must be getting close because his body was bucking under her hand just as hers had, instinctively thrusting. The action made something primal in her begin to ache again.

Finally she saw white liquid begin to spurt out of his body before he rolled himself into the sheet and buried his ragged shout into the pillow.

As his body continued to spasm, she ran her hand up and down his hip and over his backside which was round and firm. After his breathing returned to something resembling normal, he rolled onto his back again and Y/N took the chance to lie down across his chest. Her sheet was long gone, but she didn't care. She simply allowed herself to enjoy the amazing feeling of Dean's warm, smooth skin against her own.

She laid her hands on top of each other in the middle of his chest and propped her chin on them, so she could see his face. His eyes were closed and his face was completely relaxed. She drank up the sight of him like this.

He opened his eyes and she stared, drowning in his mossy green eyes. It suddenly occurred to her that this may be one of the last times she would ever look into his magnificent eyes and she felt tears spring up.

Dean frowned and caught a tear on his thumb as it fell. "Hey, what is this?"

She shook her head and smiled slightly. "Oh, it's nothing. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to do this. We could have days. Now we have only hours." She looked at the clock on his bedside. "And not many of those. You're leaving in less than eight hours, and I have to leave your room very soon."

Dean stared at her for a long time before speaking. "Y/N, the last thing I want to do is upset you or make you angry again. But…" he hesitated and in his hesitation, Y/N knew what he was going to say. "Come with me."

Y/N wasn’t insulted this time, and she wasn’t angry, because she knew now how desperately she wanted to do it. She knew what he was really asking of her. He wasn't trying to defile her or make her into something dirty. He was asking her to come and spend the nights with him like this. And she'd spend time with him, letting his sharp, and occasionally silly humor fill her days, she'd go out to parties with him, let him spoil her with jewels and expensive things.

She wanted so badly to say yes. But into the beautiful pictures in her imagination came the blinding knowledge that she'd have to say goodbye to all her other dreams.

She'd never find a compatible husband, or live in a pretty, respectable little cottage, and she'd never have children. She would never allow children to live the shame of her choices. She knew just how it felt to be ostracized and stared at as though you were vermin. She could never put a child through that.

She sat up and pulled the sheet around her again, moving to the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, Dean. I just can't."

He sighed. "Why not?"

She looked over her shoulder at him and decided she could give him the truth, plain and simple. "My mother was a kept woman, and I've spent my life trying not to repeat her mistakes, trying to pull myself as far away from her life as possible. I can't simply ignore a lifetime of dreams and hopes."

Dean looked like he wanted to argue and tried to start a sentence several times. But finally he sighed deeply and fell back onto the pillows.

"Fine. I understand."

Tears came again and Y/N knew she had to go now or she might never leave his bed. She got up and picked her nightgown up off the floor.

Dean sat up again. "Wait, why are you leaving now? We have at least another hour before you need to sneak back."

He grabbed her hand as her head emerged from her nightgown and it fell to cover her completely. "Don't go yet."

But she shook her head. "I can't Dean, I…" she swallowed. "If I'm ever going to leave, I have to leave now."

She pulled out his grasp and moved toward the door. Dean pulled his pants up over his hips and followed her. As she reached the door she turned back and smiled at him, tears still falling.

She reached up, placing her palm against his cheek. He took in a quick breath and raised his chin. She felt a muscle jumping in his jaw.

"Thank you, Dean."

He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"You're welcome, Y/N."

She took one long last look into his eyes before she ran out the door, terrified of what she was leaving behind with him.

Tag Lists:

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@stoneyggirl2

[nalyra-dreaming]

Jones confirms that, just like in Rice’s books, Armand is the one who turns Daniel into a vampire. “Will we see that moment of turning? No, but Armand finally made a vampire and clearly made him out of spite,” he says with a laugh. “It looks like it was really not a great moment [between him and Daniel], but that connects those two characters. They will have scenes going forward, obviously.”

This is from the latest Rollins interview. I feel like an idiot now, I was desperately hoping that we would see the turning next season - but while I think Rollins may not reveal everything I don’t think he would outright lie. So we won’t see the turning.

I walked into the finale open to an exclusively present-day DM that might(!) kick-off and I didn’t expect too much given what screeners had warned about. I never thought Daniel would be turned completely off-screen however… I know there’s rumours they might write DM into the past still, but I’m a fan of Daniel and Armand outside of the ship as well and knowing we won’t see Daniel’ turning, probably won’t see anything of his first time with becoming a vampire (because of the time skip) and seeing that Armand might(?) actually have turned someone out of spite makes me just sad.

I also feel a bit off-put by how Rollins is speaking about if, feels a bit like he’s trying to affirm to fans well see more of them together (maybe surprised that so many people are invested?) but also just gives off the vibe that the DM if it all wasn’t fully planned out in the moment of writing. Which sucks when you decide to have one turn the other! This frankly does not inspire confidence and make me feel like my favourite characters been reduced to plot devices (in good writing characters can be both character and plot tool but now this doesn’t feel like it).

F*ck I’m sorry, I realise this is not a fun post to read, I just feel really upset. Thank you for hearing me out!

Okay. So.

I let this simmer a bit (and I still have a lot of catching up to do with the interviews, since, well, vacation 😅, so thanks for the quotes).

BUT.

You know what I was chewing on? Armand and… spite.

When does Armand do something out of spite.

And… I came up only with one distinct event that I, personally, would call spite, namely when he goes and has that affair with that english guy - to spite Marius.

Marius. Not yet introduced as a character, but more than hinted at. The one Daniel has also a relationship with in the books.

And here we’re back to my theory that DM did happen in the past… and that Marius wiped Daniel‘s memories.

Eric let spill recently that there might be something between Raglan and Daniel and… well on one hand… but you know if Raglan, as I also theorized, is actually Marius… then that would make a lot of sense.

DM happened in the past. Marius intervened (like he likes to do). Standing order is to leave Daniel alone (maybe). But… Daniel gets sick. They redo the interview. The “surprise“ after dinner, that never comes to pass (Louis wanting to turn Daniel for Armand?!). Louis leaving Armand with Daniel, (utterly pissed at Armand and therefore retracting his promise to turn Daniel) forcing Armand’s hand… Armand… knowing that if Daniel leaves now he will die soon.

And Armand turns Daniel - out of spite.

But not to spite Louis, or Daniel. Nor are they enemies (that‘s BS and given how Assad has talked about Loumand and what it has been on the show I do call BS here).

No, he does it to spite Marius, who wants Daniel mortal (for whatever reason). He does it IN spite of Marius‘ standing order. THAT woukd make sense to me.

And it would also explain why Armand isn’t there after… Marius might have come by for a… chat.

I know this sounds wild.

But honestly - spite? Anger?!! No. That doesn’t make any sense to me. And, I‘m sorry Assad, but I‘m side-eying your statements there after the Loumand ones. *shrugs*

So.

It sucks that we maybe won’t get the turning.

But I BET - I bet they have a good reason for that. Because it would contradict what they’re trying to establish for now.

It will be a big twist for show-only fans after all when it will be made clear why Armand turned him truly.

So. These are my thoughts, after chewing on it for a bit. Knowing Rolin likes to troll a bit obviously plays into that as well. And Hannah‘s tweet.

We‘ll see how it will hold. :)

[iheartgod175]

Some Thoughts (Mostly ZP, but still)…

—I’ve kinda hopped back onto the Zula Patrol train again since writing Turnabout, but I am planning on doing art and stories for other fandoms, too, of course ^^ I actually worked on chapter 4 of DCR and some more of Love Language for the first time in a month! Which is amazing progress since I had both writer’s block and worries that maybe a lot of folks aren’t interested in the story. But even if that were true, it’s not going to stop me from posting stories, especially about my favorite childhood show ^^

—I went a bit in depth about an OC who gets some focus in both DCR and a few other entries, Firestorm, who’s a military commander in one of the other Zulean branches (I’ll detail my own headcanons on the structure of the Zulean government in another headcanons post) and is one of the few people that Bula gets along with outside of his team because like him, she doesn’t tolerate the BS/corruption that goes on in the government. And somehow, I got the idea that in an alternate universe, they end up as a couple. It has me cracking up because now, I have three potential love interests for Bula: Zeeter (with whom I can see happening even in canon), Bonnie (my old OC whom I’ve revamped and even have a solo story for), and now Firestorm (who might get teased in the future). Bula’s literally building his own harem, LOL XD

—And then it got me thinking that if Bula’s a typical “clueless harem protagonist” (although unlike them, he makes himself useful and isn’t admired due to some random skill he has out of nowhere), Ricochet would be the “smug harem protagonist with a heart of gold” in that he dated Denise, Diane, Melissa, and many other women before he settled down. Also, in a few AUs, he does have a better relationship with Serena, Denise’s outlaw sister, and their relationship borders on UST. Silly thoughts are silly, LOL

—I’ve also had an idea regarding the Third Sight ability. Originally, this ability has no offensive capability in any field whatsoever. But then I had a thought: what if there was a way, theoretically, that a user could hurt/even kill someone with their mind? It came about from a thought that DS! Elfilis (with whom Multo interacts with in my latest crossover) could totally do this easily, since he’s basically seen as a god (although he’s mortal) and he’s a lot more powerful/experienced with his psychic powers. Not to mention that between him and Multo, his cruel streak is not only bigger, but also more terrifying. It got me thinking that the Zuleans who have the Third Sight can do this same thing, namely in a moment of pure distress/fury, stemming from the desire to make the perpetrator feel every ounce of pain they felt at watching their loved one get hurt/killed. The name for this attack is called “Flashpoint” (or at least, it’s a working idea for a name). I had the idea that Multo accidentally stumbles across this ability after someone got the great (read: stupid) idea to hurt Zeeter or any of the others in front of him, and unable to physically defend them (due to being trapped), he’s filled with both horror at his loved ones being hurt, and pure rage at the perp, wanting nothing but for him to feel that same pain and worse. Cue that happening to the perp, with the guy literally losing his mind. With Multo being the kind of person he is, he’s shocked/horrified that he can do such a thing. One of the villains in my current WIP, Nova, takes an interest in Multo after finding out about him using this.

—And now, a part of me wants to do an alternative version of Multo that’s evil. That would be pretty terrifying. O.O

—Oh, I’m also thinking of getting back to The Return of the Phantom Empire soon, thanks to working on Firestorm’s profile. Just trying to work on the general plot of the side story, which focuses on Quick Draw McGraw, and possibly Quack-Up, namely in regards to the trauma he suffered before he joined the Galactic Guardians. This chapter isn’t gonna be quite as long as the first three chapters, but that might change, lol XD

[chaoticsoulsword]

Hey, comics!Miguel fans, I want to hear your thoughts on Orlando's new runs.

Because, like, while there are nice prompts and ideas for the 2099 mythos, I feel as if his idea of this world is all over the place, especially when it comes to its characters.

Because the 2099 world is carefully built, there's coherence, the characters are slowly introduced, and mmm, there's an actual connection to the heroes.

I'm very aware it's absolutely impossible to write a nice run when you only get 5 issues, but at the same time, the way the 2099 latest runs just introduce tons of characters and most of them don't even make any sense makes me very disappointed.

If you're going to emulate the Spidey mythos, then at least make the characters related to Miguel, just like the og run. But Norman Osborn being alive and without any explanation to how is random af. The whole roster of heroes dying to the Masters of Evil is mostly bs.

Also the fact that Orlando completely ignored pre-established characters like Kron and Tyler Stone, father Jennifer and Sorceress Supreme Jeannie. They're all part of Miguel's life. And I'd rather read about them than having 2390842048230 new characters thrown at me just for the sake of shocking value.

I feel like the 2099 mythos is too random at this point. Anything can happen, and worst of all personally as a fan, Doom is nowhere to be found in this current universe.

I always had in mind that Kron being Venom and later becoming Carnage would add SO MUCH DEPTH to Miguel but instead, it just bonds with a random who is NOTHING like Kasady. Kron has everything to become a psycho just like Kasady but nope, let's just pick a random scientist who worked for Alchemax.

Idk... I don't like what 2099 has become. It feels even disrespectful when so many lore is completely ignored.

Is anyone enjoying the new books? What's your opinions on them? Cause truth be told, I miss Peter David's insights.

[solace-sylphieee]

For Contents Moving Forward...

The very first post in my tumblr and it ends as my final notice for 时空中的绘旅人 / For All Time / HLR / Lovebrush Chronicles / LBC.

The irony.

But anyway figured I should do here cuz it's going to be quite the long essay from me.

We're now halfway through March, White Day's almost here and so is my 3rd Anniversary Emerald's Wedding Ring Merch.

THAT'S RIGHT

I'm gonna get married with Emerald / Cael and retire for good to enjoy my marri-

...

To hell with that, I really can't bring myself to finish that bs.

But anyway the intention is still there - I am planning to retire from HLR / LBC but before that, I will clear off some of my stuff and I will drop the game as a whole: 1. Retrospring QnAs for the guide account I'm part of: @stshelterpedia 2. Chronological Summary to the game's story (had been requested to do this cuz the event release is now extremely messed up) 3. Claiming all my remaining monthly pack resources

For my followers from Twitter, new and old, I have gone missing from releasing the translation of game news for a long time, and now I feel the need and for the first time, share my thoughts in a very elaborative manner instead.

Sorry for ghosting on you guys for so long and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the follows all this while, even with me neglecting the translations here and there.

Although I believe many take me as a source of news translation and no more than that, there are still some who I've build relationship with as well throughout the years.

Now onto my retirement from this game and the translation thereof:

Do take note there's going to be some spoilers too -

Work may have been one of the reasons behind it as I've been way too occupied this year comparatively, but the very main factor would be the fact that I've lost my love and passion for this game.

In all honesty, I've stopped reading the Card Stories since Paradise / Eden and Event Stories since Onmyoji Collab. And for my long-time followers, I'm not sure if it's that obvious, but I have stopped fangirling or make any remarks on the game content for years - which I guess is quite the obvious sign from then on.

I loved HLR / LBC for its plot. I loved how plot is the driving force and priority of the game since the beginning. I loved how everything revolves around the plot, including the charaters to Event Stories and Card Stories.

But alas, all of that are past tense for me.

I may have been biased cuz I stopped reading all the side contents, so it's just the impressions I'm getting from the discussions I have with my friend. But for me after Destiny Corridor (DC) iirc? Fan service becomes the driver in this bus.

DC has its own share of service, but I feel the wrmth from deep down. All the nostalgia and warmth, and that's the peak storytelling before its downwards slope for me.

Personally I don't mind fan services, but for me it feels like Event Story has become more and more irrelevant to Main Story, unlike in the past. Card Story is there to build some background story, but since it's more fan servicey now, it's just a stalemate story with barely any development.

At least that's what I feel and my impressions here and there.

Some may wanna ask: "But isn't Empire series the most Main Story relevant Event Story?"

Yeah, it should be, cuz it's almost the deadline (iirc supposedly by 4th year) that Empire Chapter will begin for Main Story and the final route of it marks the end of Season 1.

But the latest one I've read - Tidal-Disruption, Admiral Star / Prefect Luminance side specifically, actually disappointed me a whole lot.

Chosen is written brilliantly to make us fear Maker more, but in juxtaposition Star / Luminance had a great start but a meh ending.

I find that the appeal behind Star / Luminance is that he is interested in MC for how strong she is emotionally and wants to break her, believing she will also be his greatest and most perfect creation cuz his other 'collections' can't withstand his 'molding'. All the revelations is nice and all, then suddenly he becomes so infatuated with MC he accepts his name as Alkaid (THAT DUDE HAS BEEN DENYING AND REJECTING OF SO STRONGLY SINCE HIS APPEARANCE) and play family with MC, imprisoning her and the story went like husband going back home to a lovely wife waiting for him treting his wounds.

I just

??????

DUDE WHERE DID YOUR COLDNESS, INDIFFERENCE WENT?

WHY DID YOU BECOME SO LOVE LORNED?????

I believed he had been better than that but he made my inner Asian Parent Disappointment surge up and I can only shake my head at the end when he decided to just let MC go.

Others let go cuz they are interested to see how far she can go, cuz she's not a threat at all, cuz she's a great piece for their plans, or cuz of their own twisted obssession; but for him it feels like a bad attempt in making him more romanceable.

End of ranting for now else it's gonna be for eternity.

Stories aside, what prompted me to ultimately announce my retirement as a whole is the moment I realise I hadn't logged into the game for 2 days (my birb brain had thought it's only 1 day).

That's right, 2 days and I didn't feel any urgency or frustrations for missing out on the resources. This is as of today, 10 March 2024:

While on the other hand I feel like choking myself for missing my morning grind for another game.

With such comparison, I figure it's high time I check this off with a notice for everyone.

It has been a long journey and I enjoyed the companion of this game that also bring many new encounters for me.

But it is also time for me to bid the game adieu.

Feel free to unfollow me on my Twt if you're not interested in seeing me anymore.

Moving forward, I might begin some other translation project for games I took interest in (time to see if 世界之外 Beyond The World's grip be that strong on me) and I will also share a more elaborative train of thoughts here too.

Thanks for reading all the way here, my DMs in Twt are open for chats, and feel free to interact with me. I will be more than happy to share my thoughts with you too :)

[sugawhaaa]

Jeongin x reader

"If only it were a birdie,"

Pairing:: Jeongin x female!reader

Warnings:: mention of blood and broken bones, mild foul language,based on the Canadian school system and is set in Canada bc I'm Canadian and it felt more accurate and safe to set it in Canada.

Word count::2, 553

Songs to listen to while reading::

A/N:: Another Jeongin fanfic 😍 it's to be expected lolol but the reason this fanfic came about was because we were playing pickleball in gym on Monday and everytime the guys playing infront of me would hit the ball I'd flinch because it was so loud. Then my brain went on a little tangent and then ta-daaa fanfic

"Alright class dismissed," your Science teacher clapped his hands and your classmates filed out of the room. You were going to head back to your locker when you remembered. This period is gym class. You groaned as you opened your locker. There was one good thing about gym class. All of your friends shared that same period. Despite it being just before break it was nice to spend time with all your friends for two whole hours. 

While you were sorting through your locker to find your gym bag the boy next to you asked you a question.

"Do you know what class we have next?" 

He was a super nice guy but he didn't have many friends. He's Korean, wears square glasses 90% of the time and has a unique fashion sense which most kids in your school don't like. He tries to fit in but when he realizes he can't, he just moves along. He's near the top of your class though, he's very smart. 

"We have gym now," you said, smiling up at him.

"Thanks," he said as he continued to mind his own business. You know all these things about him because you share every single class with him. Both semesters. Everyday. Like what are the chances! Must've been some kind of mistake in the system but oh well. Also he's very friendly so you just naturally get along with him.

As you were on your way to the gym you ran into your friends.

"Claire! Kira!" You called out as you sped up to them.

"Oh hey Y/N," Kira said waving to you. The three of you went into the locker room. You changed into your gym clothes while talking about the latest gossip with your friends. 

"Did you hear about that girl in 10th grade?"

"The one that got expelled, you mean?"

"Yeah!"

"I can't believe it's October and someone already got expelled,"

"I really don't wanna deal with Mr. Congies bs today,"

The girls chatted amongst themselves as you tied your shoelaces. You finally decided to join the Convo.

"Have you thought about going to Sarah's party next weekend?" You said grabbing your water bottle and going over to the other girls.

"Yeah," most of them said.

"And???"

"No way I'm going," they all shook their heads.

"Please! Any of you," you pleaded.

"We all know what goes down at her parties,"

"Yeah,"

"Man you guys are no fun," you said crossing your arms. You're just joking of course because they had the right to not want to go. Sarah's parties usually involve too many drinks for high-schoolers and too many…questionable sounds from the bedrooms. Either way you were gonna go, mainly to just get out there, but if your friends aren't going you probably won't either.

You and your friends walked into the gym to see…pickleball. You put your hands on your hips and shook your head. Your class has been doing pickleball for the past like 2 weeks. You went to the nearest court and stood on the side to wait for your turn with all the other girls. There were already four people playing and they had all the paddles so you stood there bored as fuck. Sure the talk between your friends was entertaining enough. Suddenly a girl shrieked, catching everyone's attention. Your gaze shot to where the ear piercing sound came from. There was the boy from earlier and a girl covering her body. Everyone stopped playing to see what the fuss was all about.

"He was taking lewd photos of me!!!!" She accused the black haired boy. 

"No I didn't! I was just looking at my phone!" The boy protested. Then Mr. Congies came over. 

"What's all the drama about," he said loud and proud. The girl explained that while she was waiting in line to play the boy behind her was taking inappropriate photos of her. The gym teacher snatched the boy's phone, "that's quite an accusation, we all know taking photos in school is illegal! Not to mention lewd ones," the teacher put his tiny glasses on and looked through the boy's phone. He looked terrified. "There is no evidence of any photos on Jeongin's phone of you." The teacher said, handing the phone back to the boy. Jeongin, that was his name. I forgot. You thought to yourself.

"I will get the councilors to look further into this later. For now, Jeongin on the court before I send you to the office," he said sternly pointing his wrinkled finger to the court and jeongin abided. He went over to the court, took a paddle from the other players and started playing. Mr. Congies put his hands on his hips with pride.

"Alright the rest of ya' back to playing," he said, waving the clipboard in his hand. Everyone continued to play as if nothing happened, including yourself. You kept talking amongst your friends.

"Ugh we haven't done anything all class,"

"Is that a bad thing though?"

"Yes! I wanna do something. Hey Y/N what time is it?"

Your friends all looked at you and you looked up to the clock in front of you.

"It's only eleven twenty," you said "why couldn't you have just looked at it?" You laughed with your eyes shut. That's when there was a sudden excruciating pain on the bridge of your nose. You opened your eyes to see everyone staring at you and a boy running over to you. Your friends were freaking out as you put your hand up to your nose, right between your eyes. It was SO painful. You slid your fingers down your nose and when you looked at them there was blood. Your eyes widened. What the hell just happened.

You looked down between your shoes as another drop of blood fell on them. Between your shoes there was a neon yellow pickleball with the tiniest bit of blood on it. You then pieced everything together. When you were laughing someone hit you right in between your eyes with a ball. 

"I'll go get some ice!" Claire got up and ran to Mr. Congies. The boy that was running to you earlier sat next to you. It was Jeongin. He kept apologizing as you just sat there awkwardly. "Here Y/N," Claire said as she offered you the ice with Mr. Congies standing next to her. 

"She should go to the nurse's office. Will one of you take her for me?" He said as you put the freezing ice to your nose. You flinched at the feeling. Jeongin shot his hand up before standing up.

"I'll take her!" He called out.

"Fine but first, who did this?" Mr. Congies crossed his arms.

"It's my fault Mr. Congies, I wasn't paying attention," 

"No. It was Jeongin he hit you didn't he," he said glaring at Jeongin. All your friends nodded their heads along with I.N. "Alright go on now I don't want anymore blood on my precious gym floors," Mr. Congies said with a wave of his clipboard. Jeongin took your arm and held the ice pack to your nose for you. He took you down the hall. You had your eyes gently shut because you now have a piercing headache. 

"Careful there's stairs here," He said, making you open your eyes and wobbly step down the stairs. He held you gently, guiding you. "We're gonna go in the elevator so we don't have to go up more steps," 

You two arrived at the elevator and you were still dizzy. Why are these damn pickleballs so hard? You thought to yourself as you heard the elevator ding open. Jeongin tripped on your way in making your eyes shoot open.

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, just my shoe laces," he chuckled as he pressed the third floor button. "Can you hold your ice for a sec? I'm going to tie my shoes," he said as you put your hand over his to hold the pack. He then bent down and fixed his laces but when he stood back up he didn't hold the ice. That's when the elevator suddenly started causing you to lose your balance a bit. You tilted over but Jeongin caught you. "Whoa, easy," he said as he held you up. Your cheeks get flushed at his tone of voice. 

"Thank you," you said as you stood back up properly.

After an awkward walk to the nurse's office you finally arrived. 

"Whoa whoa what happened here," the kind woman in the office stood up coming over to you as Jeongin held you up.

"I accidently hit her square in the nose with a pickleball!" Jeongin said as he set you on a little bench. 

"Oh ouch are you okay sweetie?" The lady said, sitting back down in her white chair as she rolled over to you. Her dark hair and questionable outfit was quite eye-catching. She sighed and shook her head. "How many times have you been here this year?" The nurse asked as she crossed her legs and turned to Jeongin. He just laughed awkwardly before her attention got drawn back to you. "Alright, I'm afraid there's not much else I can do for you dear. You want me to call home?" She said as she grabbed her clipboard. What's with this school and clipboards? 

"Yeah, my mom's number is [phone number of your choice]" you said as the nurse quickly wrote it down. 

"Alright I'll call her now. You two talk amongst yourselves in the meantime," she said as she rolled her chair over to the room next door.

"Y/N?" Jeongin randomly sat down next to you. You replied with a simple hum. "Why did you take the blame for getting hit, we all know it's my fault," he said with those big, doey, eyes. You couldn't help but tell him the truth.

"Well I just think people blame you too much for things that aren't your fault," you explained to him while shutting your eyes. "You get a bad wrap for no reason," you sighed. The chocolate haired boy thought for a moment, supposedly about your words. "You weren't taking lewd photos were you?" You asked out of the blue.

"Huh? Oh yeah. I'd never, I always screw shit like this up," he said with a sigh. You looked over at him sadly. "It's sounds corny but I feel so misunderstood here-"

The nurse came back interrupting your conversation. "Your mother said she'll be here in about 20 to 30 minutes," she said with her hand on her hip. "In the meantime," she turned to a big table in the center of the office. She grabbed bandaids and tissues. "Use these to stop the blood," she said, handing you the tissues. You did as she asked and whipped away most of the blood. Most of it had already come out of your nose so it was just the extra gunk. "And Jeongin can help you put this on your nose while I go take this call," she handed Jeongin a box of bandaids and left. 

When you open your eyes you see him pulling out hello kitty bandaids.

"Seriously, hello kitty," you laughed.

"Awe I think they're cute!" Jeongin chuckled as he opened one of them. "Now close your eyes," 

You did as he suggested. You felt a sticky feeling across your nose. "Oh thank you," you said touching it lightly. He threw the wrapping in the garbage and sat back down next to you. There was an awkward silence as you swayed your feet lightly. You pulled out your phone and turned on the camera. You analyzed your new accessory across your face. "Oh it looks so weird," you laughed.

"I think you look cute!" He said with a smile. You cooked a brow at him. "I mean! It looks cute!!!" He said as he waved his hands around with a pink face. 

"Thanks Jeongin," you said putting your hand on his shoulder with a smile. "I'm gonna ask the nurse if I can go pack up my things before my ride gets here," you said standing up. 

"You think your feeling steady enough?" He asked as he stood up next to you. 

"I'll be fine," you said as you turned the corner to the nurse's office room. You talked to her and she said it's fine but you should bring Jeongin with you, or someone. You relayed this to him and he happily joined you to your locker. You were collecting up your things when you ran out of hands to hold everything. "You mind holding this for me," you said as you handed him your Science textbook. He held everything with no complaints and quickly gave you something back when you said you needed it. "Damn I forgot I'm in my gym clothes still!" You shot up on your feet.

"Here take your bag with you and we'll go back to the locker rooms," he said calmly as he handed you your bag. You smiled back as you took it from him. You two went to the lock rooms and you walked into the girls one. You turned back to look at him.

"You comin'?" You raised an eyebrow at him. 

"No, I'm a man," he shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm sure it's fine just this once, there's no one else in here," you waved a hand at him.

"Okay," he said as he shyly followed you into the pink painted room. He held some of your things as you gathered your things and took off your gym shoes. "It really isn't that different is it?" He said as he looked around. "It's just pink," 

"Yup,"

"And there's not garbage everywhere,"

"Mhm,"

"And no condoms…" he laughed after the silence. You giggled too.

"Okay," you said before taking your shirt off right infront of him. He jumped and covered the view of you with a yelp. 

"Haha maybe a warning next time?" He awkwardly laughed as he turned around.

"Oh sorry, I'm so used to doing this infront of girls who don't care," you smiled innocently while shrugging. After you finished changing everything the two of you went back to your locker. That's when there was an announcement over the PA system. 

"Y/N L/N please come to the office ready to go your ride is here. Y/N L/N please come to the office ready to leave, your ride is outside," you put on your thin spring jacket and your backpack. 

"Alright, thank you for all your help In," you smiled up at Jeongin.

"In?" He said with a confused expression.

"Yeah, I was trying to think of nicknames for you when I was getting changed," you said lightly blushing.

"Hm? Okay then, Noona," he said with a wink.

"Noona?" You tried to copy his accent but it was kinda hard. He chuckled.

"In Korea it's a term younger Koreans use to address older woman," Jeongin said with a smile that reached his eyes. 

"Noona, I like!" You said with a smile that mimicked In's. "Okay I'll see you soon In!" You said while waving and walking to the door.

"See you Noona!" He said as he waved back. "Oh, what am I gonna tell my teacher," Jeongin sighed as he walked back to his class.

[lightlycareless]

Chapter 36 - thoughts.

Hello everyone!

Back at it again with chapter 36’s notes! Of course, if you want to avoid spoilers I recommend reading the chapter (found right over here) first. Also, I skipped chapter 35’s notes because I didn’t think there was much to say… or if there was, it would be too short for me to make a post. However, if there’s something you’d like for me to expand on that chapter I’ll gladly oblige! My ask box is always open ❤️

As always, major spoilers underneath the cut, as well as no proofreading, or very minimal. All candid you know lol.

Now, without further ado, here are the notes!

This chapter was meant to clarify or deepen the motivations behind some of the characters :> uncover the continuous mystery surrounding Minako’s and Tomoko’s absence, their relationship with their family, and one thing I’ve been wanting to explore about jujutsu (which I’m not done with hehe) however, I did face some difficulties, mainly because of the timeline and if the stories were tragic enough HAHAHA.

But anyways, let’s start with the hardships.

The timeline, a.k.a how old were Y/N and Naoya when their respective mothers died. Now, I don’t like setting down dates because I feel like once you take that commitment, there’s no going back 😂. And there’s too many things I want to explore to reduce them into dates, so I tend to leave them open-ended.

However, with Y/N I did have some guidelines. It was important for me to keep Minako’s death occurring after ’98, and all because I said she was very supporting of Ren when Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls 😭 not them influencing my fic once again 😂 that, and because I didn't envision her being present in the high school era of their kids.

Taking all of this into consideration, her death would've to occur inbetween 99-01. The latest would make Y/N roughly 10 years old, Hinata 12, Ren 14. Very young to lose a mother, indeed.

As for Naoya, I just needed him to be old enough to remember Tomoko, but not that old for Mariya and the gang to remember her. Out of the two, she would have to be the most mysterious one, considering nobody wants to talk about, (I wouldn't be surprised if the members of the estate didn't know when she was last seen) one could even say she’s more of a legend at this point, impossible to prove or disprove.

I think the one that knows/remembers most of her had to be Junko, considering how she was trained to be Ogi’s wife or whatever bullshit by her. Naobito can’t be bothered to remember his own wife, not even after the 6 kids she gave him, although he is the kind of person to compare “his ex” with his partners, saying how she was prettier or some other bs, or even look for said partners who kind of resemble her. At least her memories live on with him like that jfc what am I even saying.

Anywayssssss

I think that out of the two, Tomoko’s story was the most tragic. In the way that she was essentially doomed from the very moment Naobito set eyes on her. I don’t think she ever imagined the things she would have to go through. Maybe the kid part she had an idea, but the rest? Nah, no amount of indoctrination could ever prepare her for that.

The more depth I give her, the more realize how truly alone she is, like it physically pained me to have to write how Tomoko could only trust her children (and not even all of them); she probably couldn’t even rely on Junko for anything. Now that it’s been brought up, Tomoko probably asked Junko’s favorite flowers to be planted as a way to show sorority, reach out to her, but it flew past her. I don’t doubt she desperately tried to reach out to her family too, only to be told to “suck it up” and that this is the best thing to happen in their life, so she better not ruin it.

Once again, the Zen’in dynamic is heavily inspired by the Todoroki fam lol Tomoko must be Rei around the time she burnt Shoto. I’m glad to say that it didn’t go to those extremes but had Naoya not said anything… who knows what might’ve happened. Even as disgusting as he’d become, I’m glad his child-self didn’t get attacked like that.

Another point I wanted to explore about her was her dynamic with the rest of her kids. If I had to put like a list of her most to least liked kids, Naoaki would be the first, from there Naofumi, Naohiko, Naosuke, Naohito, and finally, Naoya.

Naoaki is mainly because he was her first child, back then when she was still… “ok”, and even with the environment she had to raise him, she still cared for him and was very involved in his upbringing, as much as she could anyways.

Because he was the oldest one, the most “mature one” thanks to his crude childhood, Tomoko felt she could confide in him, but that relationship didn’t flourish until he was replaced by Naoya.

I swear, Tomoko must’ve been the kind of mother that unintentionally pitted her children against each other and spoke badly of their father to them by saying things (mainly to Naoaki) like “I don’t know what your father is thinking about, you’re clearly much better than Naoya” and “You were never as impolite as him” and so on and so forth. She might’ve also been blunt about how Naobito doesn’t seem to like them, but that “didn't matter” because she does. (OK Tomoko, not sure they wanted to hear the first part but aight)

She tried being a good mother, she really did. But her environment, alongside the critical pregnancies she had finally took a toll on her mental health, and it led her to take it out on Naoya—I believe the best way to describe what she was feeling was postpartum depression, but considering how grave it was and the problems she had with her previous pregnancies, it was more likely postpartum psychosis.

The Zen’in strike me as the kind of family that doesn’t believe in mental health—less if it comes from women, I shouldn’t be surprised they thought Tomoko as simply “emotional” instead of having an actual condition that needed treatment. Oh no, the Zen’in shooting themselves on the foot once again? Who could've seen this coming?!

Naoya unfortunately became the outlet of Tomoko’s suffering, which started as soon as she gave birth to him and held him—she looked at that poor baby and something inside her snapped. Something like “you’re the child these bastards were looking for, you’re the reason why I had to suffer so much.”

Also, I don’t know if anyone remembers one post a long time ago, where I said I was watching the movie Hereditary and was like “Huh, inspiring.”

I meant this scene. Except that Tomoko (or at least that’s what I understood from the mom’s “disdain” for the kid—of course, that was just one issue of the many they had lol) didn’t feel sorry for Naoya and the life he was going to be put through, but rather all that she had to endure to conceive him. Can’t blame her, it was tough… I just wished none of them had to become her victims too.

That, and essentially Azula from Avatar, that one scene where she’s like “my own mother thought I was a monster” goddamn if that isn’t painful—it made you feel bad for her, even with her craziness, she just wanted a mother 😭 unnghhhh not me trying to redeem Naoya!!!! (more like make him… human)

Her absence was definitely the major point as to why Naoya turned out to be the way he did. With her gone, the last “happy” (let’s put it that way) thing inside the Zen’in was completely eradicated. Even if Naoya didn’t get to interact much with her, just by seeing her by afar he probably would’ve been like, wait…. What is… that—get a reference on how not to be an absolute, indisputable piece of shit.

He would’ve still turned to be a jackass, but maybe not that bad? Idk, people can have two parents and still turn batshit crazy.

Now, this also served to justify his womanizing ways lol. I don’t know why the fandom decided that was to be one of his traits (which I don’t mind I guess), considering he’s insufferable, but after watching one of my favorite youtuber’s expand on someone who behaved a similar way, I was like DAMN is that Naoya.

People tend to seek attention through various ways, and for Naoya that would be in countless women. It’s peak mommy issues, I know, but in his defense… don’t we all have parent issues 😭? Anyways, Naoya tried to search for that one person that would cherish/love him unconditionally, someone that made him truly special, saw for who he was and not for what he had… (can you believe I based that “you’re my favorite child because you’re the most talented one” line FROM A GODDAM DOUJINSHI? I won’t go into details, but it’s a certain obnoxious, irritating heir from a prestigious clan and his renegade cousin HAHAHAHAHH)

I mean, I get it, but what was Naoya expecting to find by flaunting his wealth in order to meet people? Not to say that everyone is like that but come on lol. And he wasn’t even selective about them either? He would just go with the one he considered attractive/convincing enough and hoped for the best, I guess? He became pickier further down the road (aw, Naoya eventually learned to be choosy lol) stopping only, of course, when he eventually met his beloved Y/N :> Just another tease for their first meeting (I feel like I’m hyping this too much, I hope it ain’t disappointing when it finally appears on the story)

Well, even if he cares for Y/N, he still takes a lot from Naobito. He’s lucky Y/N is essentially trapped with him because she would’ve left the moment she could—she’s not like Tomoko, she still has someone to support her so… the clock is ticking Naoya.

Now onto the other BS family, the L/N.

This is the part I liked the most, because it’s more inclined to the whole “expanding how jujutsu can be used” kind of thing.

I already knew that Minako was going to… die like that and was looking forward to expanding on it when it finally came to it. (I just know that Ren, Hinata, and Y/N would hate this one vine with a burning passion—Gojo is the one to show it to them and they will beat his ass) doubling down when the whole culling games arc thingy happened on the manga, I was like DAMN so that’s what Kenjaku was doing? What was going to happen with Tsumiki? oohoHOHOHO, although I don’t think both things could relate considering the timeline and the requirements to mark them… or who knows? I don’t remember if it was specified when Kenjaku started marking people, or if Tsumiki and the rest of the victims were the first ones. (there’s allot of things that don’t make sense to me 😭 and I haven’t kept up with the manga tbh)

Well, it didn’t stop me from going on with my plan, and thus I began to torture Y/N and her family.

The reason why Minako got cursed… was easy: because some sorcerers were jealous/desperate to get to her. After seeing how strong her kids were, they thought “well maybe we can kidnap her and use her” but after that proved to be a failure, they decided “if we can’t have her, no one can.”

It’s really sick to know that, but with a crazy-ass community as the one the jujutsu world has… I really couldn’t think of anything else. I mean, the Kamo’s…

Anyways, I always wondered what it meant to be haunted in this universe. Once again, I don’t remember if it was ever mentioned/shown (outside of haunting places) so I had to exploit that to my advantage.

I know curses are seen by sorcerers, but I like to think that those powerful enough, maybe having a set goal/victim/target manage to become invisible to everyone but them—either by sheer determination or something lol. No, but really, that must depend on the level/power/talent of the sorcerer that begins the haunting as well as the curse, and if they’re really powerful they might be able to zero-in on their victim completely untraceable, God help if the person isn’t a sorcerer. Like, no one will be able to feel a curse is nearby.

Because it takes great skill (to pass undetected), only a handful can perform the ritual it takes to haunt someone, making it a dangerous practice. I’d like to believe it was eventually forbidden at one point, thus destroying all records showing how to do so.

And because I want to, there are levels of haunts too hehehe, here are the ones I can think of right now:

Those to harass. Self-explanatory, they’re just there to bother, and depending on the intention, they might hurt too.

Those to influence. Do someone else’s bidding, an additional voice for your conscience. The victim might think it’s them thinking such thoughts and enact them on their own within time. They’re fully conscious of what’s happening, might question if they truly want to do that, but they go through with it anyways.

Those to control. Take full control of their body and conscience. It’s the harsher one of the three to do (as well as difficult to trace), because its success greatly depends on the will of the victim. If the victim is strong-willed the haunt might take some time to work, if at all, and depending on the curse, it might find ways to debilitate them to ease their entrance. Once controlled, the victim will not remember anything that happened until after, rarely are they conscious during the act.

Minako was affected by the last one—however, it didn’t go as successfully as the perpetrator wanted because I like to imagine that since the OG rituals were wiped out, the only thing that managed to survive (if anything) were pieces here and there of information, leaving the rest to the imagination haha.

It’s why Minako was still able to fight it off a bit, and remember some things. But yeah, someone was intending to take control of her—and she was fighting that person (as shown by those allegedly senseless conversations) to stay away from her, but in the end she succumbed.

Omg I just thought… what if Minako, upon noticing the curse user’s intentions, decided to sabotage her body??????????????? Stop eating so they wouldn’t control her? Omg………………………………………………………………………………………………

But of course, the notes are here to give closure on some things, so… even with Minakos’ strong will, the curse managed to inflict enough damage on her, the result of those actions being the marks on across her body, setting her up to be controlled.

I gotta say, even though the L/N are absolute, always-wrong, pieces of poop, they did the right thing by “killing” Minako during this stage, because the next thing would’ve been the curse controlling her.

The rumor of them being the ones responsible of her death is nasty. But not so crazy, considering the elders really did not like Minako for something that wasn’t even her responsibility, but try convincing these “old-style” bastards out of it…

Writing this made me think of a question idk if anyone wondered lol considering these rituals were “banned” it would make sense someone would try to report them to HQ right? or if it’s something new, never-seen before… right?

Well, Eiichi tried, but without solid evidence, it could easily just be a rumor—and a waste of time/money to pursue. He was very angry with that, believe me, and scolded the elders for wasting an opportunity to prevent another family from suffering the same.

However, if they had been responsible of that… they obviously wouldn’t rat out the person that helped them.

Omg…. What if in the au where Toji takes Naoaki’s role or so, he was taking jobs on the side, shady ones, and he was actually involved in Minako’s death (to not say he was the one responsible)?????????????????????????????????????????????????? that might be the point where she starts to look at Naoya under a different light lol.

But yeah, going back to the actual story, gee, what an entanglement, truly. F the jujutsu community.

The following point is the deepening of the relationship of the main branch, a.k.a Eiichi, Minako, and all them kids.

I always envisioned all of the kids being super close to Minako, and not because they disliked Eiichi (he was a good dad—just… awkward lol. Uncool, and just how Posh Spice would say... yeah, poor Eiichi 😂. He’s definitely an avid practitioner of dad-jokes) but because his duties often kept them apart; he tried his best to be present, but it’s hard sometimes.

They all loved them kids tho, but because of particular reasons I will disclose later, that being now, Y/N was the favorite one. After Hinata and Ren filled the L/N clan’s expectations, it essentially allowed Y/N to have allot of free time with her parents, so they were able to dote on her more frequently.

It just made me wonder how much Y/N had to train in order to keep up with them (specially Hinata) since she wasn’t a priority when it came to her jujutsu education—I’m sure they all did what they could so she wouldn’t be left behind, but more likely than not she did lots of self-learning.

I really liked the opportunity this chapter gave me to deepen Ren’s, Hinata’s, and Eiichi’s motivations. I swear to God their subconscious took Y/N’s abducting as “yet again, another sorcerer (clan) trying to hurt our family”

Of course this was enough for them to snap, but they all reacted differently.

Because Eiichi felt completely alone without Minako, it was easier for him to be manipulated by the Zen’in (allegedly AHAHAH) and because they were so aggressive about it, he genuinely thought Y/N would be much better with them than him continuing to resist, so there’s that—but if it’s worth anything, he’s deeply regretful for having succumbed and there’s not a day where he doesn’t believe Minako is cursing him from heaven. Of course, those thoughts come more to him while he’s drunk, another consequence of having lost her. He was an occasional drinker, mostly social, but his grief certainly took him to that point.

Ren was probably the most aware one when his mom got sick, and thus, the one that probably felt the most responsible. Going on and on about how he was supposed to be a sorcerer, just a few years away from entering jujutsu high, and yet didn’t figure out his mother was being haunted/cursed. The guilt inside him was so big, he had to get out of the house as quickly as possible—one of the many reasons why he decided to study in Kyoto at first, only coming back later when he grew disappointed by the environment there (which just made him remember of the elders of his clan he hates so much) and missed his family, so he eventually returned. It was kind of a “well, if I’m going to be angry all the time, I’d rather be angry with my family around.”

Hinata also felt very, very guilty for what happened to Minako, mainly because of her cursed technique. She went through a phase of constantly demeaning herself, calling herself “inept” or “stupid” because her technique is supposed to protect the user/target from those kinds of attacks—this led her to become far more… involved/creative with her technique, trying to exploit her limits as much as she could to prevent something like this ever escaping her attention.

Y/N felt the most isolated, because she heavily relied on being with someone, (thanks to the elders being nasty with her ugh) you know? Someone to support her. The rest tend to deal with their own things by themselves, and while they still supported each other, it wasn’t the same. I guess that’s the reason why she was so excited to attend jujutsu high, only to be left virtually alone when the whole crisis thing happened and no new students were enrolling, worsening when Naoya decided to further isolate her from the rest of the world when marrying her. Her getting heavily attached to Naoaki, Mariya and the gang, Mai and Maki, shouldn’t be a surprise at this point. Specially Naoaki nnnhhhhggghhhhhh.

I know there were different expectations for this chapter, mainly because we’ve been desperately hoping for the moment Naoya and Y/N will finally talk lol. And I gotta say I might’ve disappointed some by how she essentially ran away… but I promise it will be worth it in the end lol Y/N running out on him like that is good I believe, cause she’s shocked that Naoya is actually capable of feeling anything else, but you know, pure evil.

These two chapters were mostly intended to show the human side of Naoya, Y/N’s reaction to it and just how similar their backgrounds were when it came to their mother's.... but with outcomes so different.

To give him emotions (and show how he handles them—terribly. I mean, he got sick!! HAHAH it’s like that one episode in atla where Zuko is good for the first time in his life and gets sick) and maybe deepen their relationship. It helps that Y/N is very empathetic to those around her… but it’ll be up to her and how he decides to act during this time if something happens between the two.

I gotta say, if I play my cards right, I think we’re like 3 chapters away from that one chapter I’VE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE FOR FOREVER I SWEAR ALL THIS SLOW BURN WILL BE WORTH IT. :> But until then…

Thank you so much for coming for a new update!!!! I know I’ve been taking quite the hiatus here and there, but it does not mean I don’t find importance in this fic, and the support you’ve given me 🥺❤️ Thank you so much for being patient with me! Can’t wait to show what’s coming next!!

As always, these are just important parts I remember as highly influential for the chapter, but if there's something you'd like to know more about don't hesitate to let me know!! I'll do my best to respond ❤️

Now, take care, have a wonderful week, and hope to see all of you soon!!

[definitely-mothman]

The Reflection of a Prince Ch 3

I’m really bad at making summaries, but in a nutshell, this is an Overblot! Jade Leech fic, with the Original Characters belonging to Royal Sword Academy, specifically for a fandom based on the Little Mermaid. • A gala approaches, on not one land, but two, and split in half, what other choice does a Prince have to do? But beware in the past, there is an eye that still watches. Who remembers, who plots and hides teeth in the darkness.

AO3 Link

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

Ch 3 in Read More

Azul was flipping through finance files, about 7 in the morning according to his watch. It was the best time in the week to put together the documents for each days’ sales and costs, along with calculating the salary for employees for the biweekly basis. It was unusually quiet, although it didn’t bother him at the moment. It was still somewhat early, and the silence made it easier to focus.

It was only logical such silence should be rudely interrupted by annoying text vibrations on the wood desk.

“Hey do you like. Have the attendance sheets for the Board Game Club on hand rn.”

Right side top drawer, folder at the very front. Divider is by year…there it was.

“Yes I have them in the Lounge. Is Crowley asking for them already?”

“Kinda I mean. Yeah. He didn’t do this shit last year, says it’s bc of the festival thingy. BS tbh.”

“Do you want me to run them over in the next few minutes?”

“It doesn’t have to be like right now now, but around 7:30-7:45ish would be coolio, plus I’ll be actually awake at that point lol.”

Set the papers aside, set phone timer for 7:30. He’d likely just ask Jade or one of the third years to carry those over. The logistics of having the main keys for the lounge and having to cross campus not long before opening the back entryways for early shifts just seemed too annoying.

“Ok, someone will come by 7:40 at the latest.”

“Man I thought you’d do it ;-; you always send your Vice to do it and ngl he scares the shit outta me dude”

“That doesn’t sound like my issue, Idia.”

“I mean I’ll gladly accept paperwork from anyone in your dorm who isn’t in the top 3 tiers of the ‘Would Murder Me’ list. Like seriously there’s gotta be someone dude.”

“Any of them would likely lose the papers or be late. It’s not my issue he has an intimidating air carrying out benign errands.”

It was about 7:15.

“Bro tf you mean ‘intimidating air’ that implies it’s like. Accidental, and not him creating the comforting aura of a slasher villain. Idk how you survive interacting with him for most of the day. If I got locked in a room with either Leech for like 30 minutes I’d probably kms to get out faster.”

“I’m sure he’d find that quite humorous to hear. Anyways, it's not my problem, and I have things to do so I’m going to go silent for a while.”

“Alr whatever you’re like 100% serial killer victim number one tho.”

He put down the phone on the desk, mentally rolling his eyes.

It wasn’t the first time he’d heard a qualm like this about Jade, especially not from Idia. It was strange to keep hearing, probably because he just couldn’t see what it was everyone was so…afraid of. In a competitive setting, it was logical for even him to be wary of Jade as a long-game player and as someone very good at concealing his hand. But in terms of just normal school life, it just didn’t make sense. At the worst, Jade liked to poke psychologically in the same way Floyd did physically. Instead of chasing and manhandling, it was done with subtle body language and straight faced teasing. Once you wrapped your mind around how the game worked, it was actually quite fun to play in return, although for a completely anti-social loner like Idia, it didn’t seem like much fun.

He may have come across as strange or snakelike, but Azul had a level of trust in him that provided a sense of ease. At the very least, if Jade had wanted him dead, it would have happened already. He made him tea or coffee every morning, and Azul couldn’t think of the last time he’d even had a second thought at drinking what was placed on his desk.

Speaking of which. He hadn’t drank anything all morning, and the lack of hydration was beginning to make his early morning energy wear off. Usually they were both up around the same time.

He left the VIP lounge, heading back towards the shared communal space, including the small kitchen the dormitory shared. The tea bags he used were typically in one of the top shelves of the cabinet farthest from the shared fridge. He put some water in a pan and turned on the stove, sitting the bag’s string over the side. There was a kettle in the shared area, but it was nowhere to be seen, so he’d have to make do.

The tea that he had made wasn’t perfect, but it was fine enough. Octanivelle students set for the early shifts had started to trickle in, and Floyd stumbled in behind them. A bit earlier than he normally woke up, but well within his range.

“Hey Floyd. It’s odd having you be the first one up.”

Floyd slid over, propping against the island. He still looked a bit tired.

“Huh? Jade left our room like. A few hours ago. At least, I think so. Idk, I was half-asleep.”

“A few hours ago? I haven’t run into him all morning. I was going to ask him to run some papers over to Ignihyde.”

“I could run them over lol-“

“It’s fine, you can handle opening, I’ll just run them myself. Was he running off to do the headcounts he mentioned yesterday?”

“Idk, probably? He sometimes dips out in the middle of the night to do something-or-another, I figure it’s just that.”

“…I wasn’t aware he did that. I doubt anyone at RSA is awake enough for him to get any reasonable survey numbers at this hour.”

“Eh, who knows. I’m not worrying about it personally. Probably went off early to maybe hike over there instead of taking the bus. I could see him doing something like that.”

“Oh, ok. If you're not worried-“

“By the way, when are you supposed to be taking the papers over?”

“Um,” Azul checked his watch again. It was 7:39 already, and the walk across campus would probably take some 7 minutes. Shit.

“I should probably go now; I’m already behind schedule.”

“Alrighty then, have fun. I need the key ring though to open.”

“Right, right.” He took the Lounge key ring off of his belt loop, and took the trenchcoat off his shoulders and dug through the pockets for the VIP lounge key. There. When he took his hand out though, he had two keys.

He couldn’t remember which key this was, and with how often he absentmindedly put them in various pockets, it was any guess when he’d put it there. He handed off the known key to Floyd, and put the second one back.

With that, he returned to the office space, collecting the papers, and then headed towards the mirror for the main campus.

For Azul’s taste, it was an eerily lonely morning.

• • •

“I’m good to meet up whenever you are.”

It was almost 5 in the afternoon, and students were flowing to and from Coralliadom, mostly to leave campus to get dinner or head towards the cafeteria. Rielle hovered over the message, and panned his gaze over to his Housewardens’ staff. He went over and took it up, gripping 3 fingers around the magestone and prying it out. He put the stone in his right interior pocket.

“Aight. I’ll head out that way. Should I turn my GPS on to make it easier or smthn?”

“Sure.”

He flicked it on, and began to make his way out of the dormitory. He left the staff in his room to not raise any sort of suspicion, but held onto his pen. He managed to slip Claude’s visage in this escape attempt, sliding through the mirror and booking it across campus towards the gate. It was actually quite invigorating, sneaking off like this. See, I told you I could take care of myself! The gate was open, and Rielle slipped in with the crowd of leaving students, removing the outer RSA jacket and bundling it under his arm. Just before the bus stop, he broke off, awkwardly trotting down the incline and breaking off into the tree cover surrounding the campus.

He had to walk for a while before eventually running into the Octanivelle kid, about 3 minutes. Curly brunette hair almost covered their eyes completely, and their poise seemed too calm for how they talked over text.

Whatever, people were usually more casual over text anyways, right? Not like he had another option at this point anyways.

“Heyo-! I made it, sorry if I was a bit late.”

“It’s fine, I made sure to set time aside so I’d be good if you were. Do you have the stuff I asked for?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it right here.”

Rielle took a small jewelry box out of his pocket, one that you’d normally keep earrings in. He handed it over to the student, who opened it, eyes glazing over the inside.

“Spit vial thing, hair is in a vial, the clippings are just in the box bc I figured that was fine, and the empty vial is the…song? Idk if you just wanted me to sing into a vial, so that’s what I did, sorry if that wasn’t what you wanted.”

“Oh that’s fine.” He closed the box lid, and put it in the pocket of his dorm uniform, which went almost below his knees.

“Are you guys’ uniforms that long? Based on the photos, I always thought they hit like, mid-thigh at the longest.”

“Oh, this isn’t my uniform.” The kid took out a small glass dish, and sat it over a bundle of tinder he’d piled on the ground. “I spilled some shit on mine earlier this week, so I had to borrow my roommates. He’s like, a good foot taller than me, haha.”

His voice seemed a little…stiff, despite how casual his words were. The student looked up towards Rielle, expression a bit nervous.

“Uh, did you bring a water bottle or something by chance? I would’ve brought one myself for the potion but I didn’t think about it. I mean, I can just use a water spell I guess, but I haven’t eaten a lot today and my magic’s probably a little shaky because of it.”

“Oh, no worries, I’ll do it. Did you skip lunch or something?” Rielle clicked his magestone into his pen, and with a small flick formed about two cups’ worth of water inside the dish.

“Thanks, and no, I didn’t bring much money when I made my way over here so I couldn’t grab anything substantial in Craneport.”

“Oh. Well, you’ll need my ID to get into the dorm anyways, so don’t worry about using it to get meal swipes. Claude will hound you-me if he sees you being the slightest bit winded. Wait-“

Rielle took out his phone, and began texting rapidly. The students’ phone pinged several times back to back.

“Ok I sent you the itinerary for the day of, so that you’ll be ready for that, and also the sheet music for the musical performance on Friday.”

“Musical…performance?”

“Yeah, I am/was doing a pretty singing number for the gala thingy- but you’re taking on my singing voice anyways so you’ll be good. There’s 5 days anyway to get the hang of it, and you won’t be on stage alone!”

“O-oh. Ok.”

The student began to dump the contents into the water, and lit a small fire on the tinder beneath the dish with his pen.

“I could’ve done that, yknow.”

“Oh, sorry. Just didn’t think about it.”

“Lol, you don’t have to say sorry. Just don’t want you to overexert yourself.”

The kid took a small twig nearby to stir the mixture, using his other hand to control the flame, it spinning to a light blue color. He was murmuring something under his breath, but Rielle couldn’t make out whatever incantation he was saying. Maybe saying it really quietly was a part of it?

In a moment, the small whirlpool in the mixture tinted to a bright red, and spread out within the dish. A small smile briefly appeared on the kid’s face, and he put the twig to the side, taking a small necklace out of his pocket.

“Oh, that’s the jewelry item?”

“Yeah. I’m using this one specifically because I’ve been able to get it to work with other magic properties like this already. No worries for me about it not working.”

“It’s so…cute. Is it an actual nautilus shell? It looks a bit more worn and dirty than the ones you see in shops. And it’s so tiny!”

“Yeah, it’s an actual shell, a friend of mine picked it out for me, we were pretty little at the time. So that’s why it’s kinda small.”

“So I’m guessing the string on it is more recent so it fits your neck? Lol.”

“Yeah, I’ve changed the string a million times at this point, hah.”

Again. That slightly strained voice, enough to notice but not noticeable enough for Rielle to want to bring attention to it.

The Octanivelle student took the twig he’d sat down, and stuck it firmly in the ground. Taking the necklace’s string and catching it on the twig, he dipped the shell down into the potion, where it began to glow a pale white within the liquid.

“Ah, yeah. The contract scroll. I almost forgot about it.”

He took a golden paper out of his pocket, along with a slightly decorative pen. It was folded several times into a little square, and once unfolded the top portion was too crinkled to properly read. But most of it was legible, and listed everything they’d spoken about over text, word for word. Rielle panned over the language, checking for any small print. He may have had no other choice, but he’d barter if he needed to.

“The only small text on there is about you being liable if the Unique Magic offered in the contract expires before you return to trade places with me again.”

“And that time would be…”

“Friday, about 11pm. An hour and a half after the gala hosted in your dorm will have ended. I just don’t want to be stuck up there. Do you want the pen? I thought you’d take it already-“

“How did you do this? This is a Unique Magic in and of itself, dude! Did you actually get your Housewarden to write one up for you? Like an IOU or something?”

“…can’t say. Secrets of the trade, lol. I don’t wanna lose my chances of getting deals like this in the future, you know?”

The student smiled, but the emotion didn’t quite reach the shine in his eyes. As if they carried two different people. I suppose that was Octanivelle for you. Rielle took up the pen, and carefully signed his name, drawing a smile heart above the i.

He absentmindedly handed the paper and pen back over, and dropped his RSA jacket onto the ground. The guy would probably need it if he wanted to slip back onto campus.

“There you go. I should probably text my parents about now and head off towards the hall of mirrors. Pretty much no one’s walking around campus right now, although you might wanna wait a few minutes before going into campus.”

“Alright, I have to wait for this to finish up anyways. Hope you have fun at the family gathering.”

“Yeah, I will! Thanks for doing me a solid, man.”

“Don’t even worry about it.”

Rielle finally got up from a squat on the ground, turning and heading back towards the campus.

He couldn’t have left soon enough. The illusory potion put together that morning was only meant to last about an hour. Even now, teal was beginning to push through the brunette hair, which was now falling to the ground at an alarming rate. He hadn’t even bothered to notice the contacts that already matched his eye color, or how squatting down disguised his clothing slowly fitting more snugly. The potion let off a sweet-smelling steam. It was done.

Taking the string off from around the twig, the necklace was pulled from the solution, and now it had a beautiful yellow gleam. He took off the Mostro Lounge jacket, covering a simple white dress shirt like those worn in RSA. The jacket and hat was placed into a pile along with the glass dish, and with a gentle wave of his pen, the pile burst into a large flame.

The necklace’s string fit perfectly to his head, and the nautilus shell was tucked beneath the shirt collar. He imagined how it looked outside of himself. Thin, siren eyes becoming like that of a doe, merging in and out as if both were mirages. A pale glow flowing down the edge of his hair, it growing vibrant red, and growing longer as the glow went down, beyond his hair’s end. The shell felt as though it could replace his own heart with how warm it felt against his chest.

Finally, he opened his mouth, feeling up and down the foreign vocal chords. The sweet, silky sound that left his mouth. That voice which was far too beautiful to belong to him. He stood and straightened his back, and lightly lifted his eyebrows along with the corners of his mouth, trying to make it look natural. Speak with your throat, keep your balance on the left side instead of in the middle. Pretend as though your head is filled with helium.

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m back late, I got kinda sidetracked, went on a stroll and lost track of time. But…you forgive me, right?”

[weatheredcoffeecup]

@misatx-x

Hello dear! Thank you for your patience. I hope you like your ships!

₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹♡˚⊹♡₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹♡˚⊹♡₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹♡˚⊹♡₊˚⊹

In Enyphen I ship you with... Niki!

In a way, Niki looks up to you. He finds you admirable and someone he can trust. He knows when there's a problem, he can go to you, and you both can communicate well and work anything out. Besides that- Niki LOVES getting to play around with you. He enjoys playing horror games with you late at night, only to watch Barbie movies after to calm down his nerves. He makes sure to always leave you a shirt or hoodie for periods he may be gone often, but he never fails to face time or call you to hear all about your day.

In Ateez I ship you with... Hongjoong!

Everyone around you and Hongjoong leaves believing in soulmates. He's constantly coming up with fun plots and interesting stories to tell you. He enjoys taking you to the park and sitting watching the wild life play while he tells you his newest crazy story. They're either short and sweet, or complex with plot twists and a diverse set of characters. You swear he could write a book with his crazy stories, but you also enjoyed the fact they were special only for you.

In Seventeen I ship you with... Minghao!

Minghao is always playing with your hair, hand, or touching you somehow. He loves the gentle physical affection. He also loves to suprise you with small gifts. Usually just a treat to enjoy together, but sometimes it's a new game or a special date. Minghao loves spoiling you and making you know you're loved by him.

In Monsta X I ship you with... I.M.!

Speaking of spoiling... Changkyun SHOWERS you in love, as long as you're comfortable with it. He admires your independence and strong mind thinking its the best thing ever. Anytime you stand up for yourself and don't take someone's bs he's smiling right behind you, so proud. Changkyun is the type of guy who loves holding you in his arms, lap, chest, whatever. Your arms are probably linked anytime you're playing a game too.

In NCT I ship you with... Winwin!

Winwin loves anytime you speak about your interests. He shows full attention and support, taking notes and asking questions to keep engaged. You guys have a fishtank or two with different colorful fish you picked out together and named silly names. He enjoys doing different activities together, even if you're just in the same room not talking. He just enjoys your presence that much.

In p1harmony I ship you with... Theo!

Like WinWin, Theo likes to join you in your hobbies. He would be watching gamer YouTubers to see what the latest horror game is. When he buys it to play with you, he starts out super excited, but by the end your both trying to comfort eachother while jumping at every scare thus scaring eachother even more. When it's time for bed, Theo enjoys brushing your hair with his fingers while singing or humming a soft song. It's kind of become a habit for him.

In Zerobase1 I ship you with... Jiwoong!

Jiwoong loves taking care of you. Whether it be cooking for you, cleaning, giving you personal space, or listening to your worries. You're his entire world, and he wants nothing but for you to feel your best. He trusts in your relationship and communication between each other. Besides taking care of you, he also loves playing around. Jiwoong loves to take you to arcades, fairs, concerts, shopping outlets - he just loves going places with you. But after going around the city all day, there's nothing better than sitting down with a good book in eachothers presence.

In Exo I ship you with... Kyungsoo!

Kyungsoo would be all over cooking your favorite meal anytime you come over. He always does the same routine- rent a few movies, cook something nice, and end the day reading a chapter from a story you two are reading together. You and him share favorite activities so he's always so happy to do simple life things like that with you. Kyungsoo loves watching you get immersed in new shows and loves talking about them, hearing your thoughts and what you think will happen in the next season.

Have a wonderful day lovely ♡♡

[ivan-is-autistic]

12/25/23 - it wasn’t okay. content warning for shitty exes, a shitty roommate, and the trauma they caused me. i’m still processing the trauma from being a confused and mistreated autistic adult before i knew i was autistic, and the continuation of my mistreatment even when i knew and tried to advocate for myself.

it wasn’t okay for my ex “A” and his family to tell me i was ruining their fun on their trip because i got overstimulated from all the drinking and loud music and told him i needed to lie down for a bit. his entire family called me rude for stepping away and he told me to apologize to them over breakfast for what i had done. i felt guilty so i did . i now know that i was having an autistic meltdown and needed quiet time to retreat, they were all gaslighting me and convincing me that i was a horrible person for needing to lie down and that wasn’t okay.

it wasnt okay for my ex “R” to beg me to let him move in when we had just met, even if he was also a trans man who needed help and wanted to live away from his family. he was a stranger i had been seeing for like 2 weeks and i didnt have to say yes just because he was being pushy and i felt bad. it wasnt okay for him to spend all his money at the bar instead of helping with rent and it wasn’t okay for him to scream at me and be mean to me, even if he was self aware and getting therapy. im proud of myself for eventually standing up to him and kicking him out.

it wasn’t okay for my latest roommate to be dismissive of my needs that were very small/reasonable asks and continually not consider me in decisions that greatly affected me or my pets. it wasnt okay for her to make careless decisions that traumatized me and my cat and belittle my experience and make me feel small so that she could avoid taking accountability for her roles in the situations and avoid apologizing for literally anything at all. it wasn’t okay for her to continually flip the conversation back onto me and the little mistakes i made and make that the focus so she could avoid talking about her big ones that actually negatively affected people and animals. it wasnt okay for her to project her insecurities and flaws onto me so that i looked like an awful person in front of the other roommate. or to call me crazy and attempt to make me question my reality. it wasnt okay for her to lie and gossip about me, and it also wasn’t okay for the other roommate to enable her behavior and go along with her instead of taking a moment to hear my perspective. literally not a single thing she did to me was okay, not even the nice thing she did in the beginning because she later used it against me. whats even worse is i repeatedly told her im autistic and have trouble with communication (i told her im better over text and tend to be wordy and have situational mutism in person) and she was dismissive of that, said she wasnt gonna read my “essays” and suggested i get ABA and a “real diagnosis”, lol. obviously its already messed up to manipulate and bully someone, but i’m speechless at the fact she was told im autistic and have a history of being mistreated in part because of that, and she still chose to further traumatize an autistic person because she was allergic to the word sorry and didn’t want a “weird” (autistic) person around her friend circle. so she made up some BS to turn the other roommate against me and get me kicked out. it wasnt okay for her to do any of that and make me lose a job i liked and that paid well. i had to say goodbye to a nice safe place (well, physically safe) to live and a close job working with animals all because this person didn’t want to acknowledge her wrongdoings or work on her internalized ableism. living with me required minor accommodations (like reading a few extra sentences and only sticking to washing our own dishes) and self reflection. and that was just way too much for her. now i’ve had to uproot my entire life, move 2 hrs away and once again attempt to find employment that doesnt make me wanna Ya Know, and a new place to live that hopefully won’t be falling apart and unsafe to live in. and also find another roommate since i cant afford to live on my own. this is all extremely difficult to find being autistic, trans, without a car, and making 15/hr or less because no jobs close enough to get to will pay more. fuck you old roommates, i hope you have the day you deserve.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Things Learned and Unlearned Ch. 11

Series Summary: Y/N has spent her life trying to outrun her mother's reputation. When she meets the rich and successful playboy, Dean Winchester, how quickly can he get her to stop running?

Pairings/Characters: Dean Winchester x Y/N, Sam Winchester, Jessica Winchester, Lucy Winchester (OC)

Warnings: Each chapter will have it's own warnings, but there will be smut, seduction, virgin!reader, playboy!dean, Edwardian era BS attitudes surrounding sex and women. (Technically it's set in 1900 and the Edwardian era started in 1901, but you get it.) Angst, Fluff, all the good stuff that regularly pops up in my series. 😁

Chapter Warnings: Blowjob, oral (f. receiving), sort of dirty talk, praise!kink if you squint.

Word Count: 4,418

A/N: Here's Ch. 11. I so appreciate all the love and support you're all giving this series. Hope you enjoy the latest installment. ❤️

Series Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

Y/N had a very hard time falling asleep that night. The bed was too big, the room was too dark, and there were strange noises around the room that she never even noticed when she was wrapped up in Dean's arms. 

She missed him. And the more she missed him, the guiltier she felt for hurting him. She knew, of course, that he would never force himself on her. That wasn't what she'd meant, but she saw now, that was exactly how it sounded to Dean. 

But she'd been genuinely curious and very worried about the expectations that went along with being a mistress. She knew if she said no, Dean wouldn't ignore her wishes and just attack her. But she'd wondered if there was a limit on how often she could refuse before she got tossed aside. 

Not that she imagined she'd be saying no or turning him down very often…or ever. All the man had to do was kiss her, or touch her lightly and she was gone. But all of the unknowns of this life he was asking her to commit to, still terrified her.

She hated the uncertainty of it all. When it was only the two of them, there were no uncertainties, everything was perfect. But they couldn't simply exist outside the world they lived in.

And the reality was that the world they lived in wouldn't bat an eyelash at Dean for keeping a mistress, but as his mistress, her entire world and place within it would be forever changed and she couldn't ever go back.

She simply had to decide if a finite amount of time spent with Dean was worth infinite ostracism from society. What would she do when Dean was done with her? Would she simply move into someone else's bed? Would she sell off her beautiful Tiffany's bracelet so she could go without a new protector for a little longer?

Her questions and their fearful answers kept her tossing and turning all night. In the morning, a soft knock at her hotel door pulled her easily from her restless slumber. 

She wrapped her dressing gown around her and opened the door a crack. Outside a young maid bobbed a curtsy and handed her a sealed envelope. 

“Just arrived for you, ma’am.”

Y/N took it, and called the maid back as she turned to leave.

“Could I please have a cup of coffee with scones and jam?”

She knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore, so she might as well start her day. The maid nodded and hurried on her way.

The letter had obviously been hand delivered, since there was no return address or postage stamp on it. But she recognized Jessica's writing on the envelope.

Y/N sat in the green chair and tore it open.

Y/N smiled softly as she read the letter and then quickly scrawled a note, accepting the invitation, at the bottom of the page.

She put the letter in a fresh envelope with Jessica's name on the front, and gave it back to the maid when she came with her breakfast.

"Can you have a messenger take this back to 1511 Riverside?"

"Yes Ma'am." The maid said with another quick curtsy and a friendly smile.

After breakfast, Y/N bathed, and dressed in a simple day gown that she didn't need help to get into, and sat down to read. But her mind was far too distracted to concentrate on it.

She thought about going for a walk through the gardens, but it was a particularly frigid day and the idea didn't really appeal to her. 

So, for most of the day she stayed bundled up in the green chair, with a book that she paid no attention to, open in her lap.

Darkness came early, the winter sun setting before the evening had truly even begun. Y/N lit one small lamp, leaving the room dimly lit. Lord knew, she didn't need the light to read.

A delicious supper arrived and she picked at it, somehow both hungry and slightly nauseous at the same time. 

Finally, not long after the clock struck eight, Y/N decided to simply go to bed and possibly make up for the terrible sleep she'd had the night before. 

However, as she was about to stand up, a knock at the garden doors startled her. 

Dean stood on the other side of the doors as the wind and snow swirled around him. Y/N went to the door hesitantly at first, but then hurried the last few feet, wanting to let him in out of the cold.

She opened the door and waved him in. A gust of wind and snow followed him into the room and Y/N shivered. Dean closed and locked the doors behind him. Then he pulled the thick, heavy, velvet curtains across the doors to better keep out the cold.

"Freezing out there tonight." He said as he stomped his boots and shook his head lightly, knocking loose a few more fistfuls of snow. 

When he was finished, silence enveloped them and the tension expanded between them. Finally Dean waved to the unread book Y/N still held in her hands.

“Didn't mean to interrupt you.”

Y/N shook her head and walked back to the chair, setting down the book before perching on the edge of the seat 

“No, I wasn't really reading.”

More silence stretched between them, making Y/N wring her hands in her lap. Eventually she couldn't take it and the words just burst out of her as she looked up at him. 

“I'm so sorry, Dean. I never meant to make it seem like I thought you were some kind of monster.”

Dean shook his head, a few more snowflakes falling to the ground as he strode to the chair and dropped down onto his haunches.

“No Y/N, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I just…” He trailed off, looking to the side and then at the floor. “I need you to tell me something honestly.”

Dean's voice sounded  unusual - strained and tight. Y/N nodded. “Of course.”

He looked back at her, his eyes level with hers. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts, before letting the words tumble slowly out of his mouth.

“Have there ever been times-” He dropped his gaze again, staring at her lap. “Have you ever…said y-yes, when you meant-”

“No.” Y/N said firmly, shaking her head. She cupped Dean's cheek and raised his gaze back to hers. She felt her heart clutch at the look of fear that he tried to keep out of his expression.

“God no, Dean. Never.” She felt tears gather at the look of profound relief that spread over his features. Had he spent the whole night and day worried and guilty he'd done something wrong?

She leaned forward and pressed a petal soft kiss to his lips and then rested her forehead against his. 

“I will always want you.” She said quietly. “It never stops actually. It's slightly inconvenient.” 

Dean exhaled a chuckle. “Tell me about it, sweetheart.” 

She was happy to hear his voice closer to normal and she kissed him again briefly, before rising from the chair and moving past him. 

She shook her head. “It's just…those women last night, they…”

She turned back to face him where he still crouched by the chair. “They were all talking about their lives and they made everything seem so…” 

She took a deep breath, searching for the word. “Transactional.” She finished, her shoulders slumping as her breath rushed out. 

Dean nodded slowly as he rose to his full height and walked towards her, pausing with barely two feet between them.

“Well,” he said quietly, “I suppose the truth is that, a lot of the time…it can be sort of, transactional.” He shrugged gently. Y/N nodded and looked at the floor.

Dean stepped even closer and raised her chin with his fingertips. “But that's not what I want with you.” He said, his voice adamant.

He sighed softly and his face was earnest as he spoke. 

“Look, I buy you things, and spoil you a little because…” He shrugged. “Because you deserve to be spoiled. You deserve beautiful things.” 

He let his knuckles trail down her cheek. “And I can give them to you, which makes me happy.” 

He cupped her cheeks in both hands and stared directly, and fiercely, into her eyes, taking in a deep breath. “But you don't have to…” He exhaled slowly. “You don't have to earn them. Do you understand?”

Y/N nodded and felt her heart ease slightly. But she bit her lip; something was still worrying her.

“I need you to tell me something honestly.” She said, echoing his earlier words.

“Of course.” He said, echoing hers with a slight smile.

Y/N began wringing her hands again, not sure how to word her question.

“Doesn’t it ever bother you that…I mean does it annoy you that you can't…or, I mean, that I won't…let you…bed me properly?”

Dean's eyes widened and then his expression settled into a frown. He opened his mouth to answer and then shut it again. 

He was quiet for a moment before stepping closer and taking hold of Y/N's hands in his to stop her squeezing and rubbing them over and over.

“Look,” he said, his voice low and deep, “I'm not gonna lie and act as though I don't wanna…” 

His nostrils flared as he drew in a deep breath. “...don't wanna take possession of all of you, every inch of you. Or pretend like I don't wanna bury myself so deep inside you that I forget my own name.” 

His voice was rough now and his eyes blazed with heat, making Y/N's core clench and her body ache a little. 

“But,” he exhaled roughly. “I understand. I realize that…no decisions have been made about your future. And you don't want to commit to such a permanent action when this may be a temporary situation.”

Y/N was immensely grateful for the way he understood her. She never would have been able to say it so concisely.

He continued with a smile. “So, I can wait. There's no rush, and I'm perfectly happy with what we have here and now.” 

Without warning, he yanked her flush against him and she gasped as he breathed against her lips.

“Speaking of the here and now, are we finished this here fight now?”

She chuckled breathlessly as he tilted his head so he was almost kissing her, holding back slightly, waiting for her answer.

She nodded quickly. “Yes, god yes.”

That was all he needed to hear for him to crash his lips down on hers and simply inhale her. His fingers bit into her hips as he tried to press her even tighter against him.

She pushed his heavy coat off his shoulders, sending his suit coat with it. Grasping frantically, she was tugging on the buttons of his waistcoat and then his shirt, desperate to feel his taut skin and firm muscles under her fingers. 

Dean pulled away with an annoyed growl to unlace his boots and kick them off. The task was made more difficult by Y/N's refusal to stop running her hands over his shoulders and back while he crouched in front of her. 

Finally his boots were off and he stood up quickly, driving Y/N backwards, till he could slam her against the wall.

“Sorry.” He said gruffly, but Y/N shook her head. 

“Doesn't matter.”

She pulled at his hair as he bent his head to suck bruises into her neck.  He pushed open the sides of her dressing gown and cupped her breasts through the thin silk nightgown underneath, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples.

“Dean!” She shouted as he tugged on one roughly.

He pushed off her dressing gown completely and then pulled the straps of her nightgown down over her shoulders, so that it slipped down her body and settled at her hips. He dipped his head and nipped at her breast, making her gasp before he smoothed over the spot with his wide tongue, and the gasp turned into a moan.

Dean’s voice was harsh as he spoke against her skin. “Goddamn, I missed you last night. Did you miss me?”

Y/N did her best to answer but it mostly came out as a whimper when he pushed her nightgown up between her legs, pressing against her soft mound, and warming the silk under his hand.

He chuckled darkly. “Yeah, I think you missed me.”

He pressed the material of the gown more tightly against her, rubbing at that overly sensitive button through the silk. The incredible feeling of the material, so soft and wet, as Dean rubbed it against her, quickly had her standing on tiptoe, grabbing at Dean’s shoulders for balance. Dean took away his hand but quickly slid his knee between her legs and pushed it hard against her aching core 

She knew what she was doing this time, and quickly began riding his thick thigh, rubbing back and forth on it, occasionally lifting herself an inch or two and shuddering at the impact when she pushed herself back down against the hard ridge of muscle in his leg. 

Dean raised the pooled silk at her waist and lifted it off over her head, tossing it aside. As she rode him, he trailed his fingers across every inch of her flushed skin. 

Finally he slipped his middle finger into her slick, swirling the rough pad of his fingertip against that magic button only a handful of times before she was exploding, shaking with her release. He held her against the wall for a long time, kissing her, licking and nipping at different parts of her naked body. 

He eventually eased back slightly when she could stand on her own, tilting his head forward to kiss the tip of her nose. 

As her heart fluttered at the sweet gesture, a thought entered Y/N’s mind and it wouldn’t leave. Dean’s head was dipped slightly, kissing the tops of her breasts. She ran her fingers through his hair and then spoke softly into the silky aftermath surrounding them.

“Dean, would you explain something to me?”

Dean murmured against her breast, making a sound in the affirmative.

“Could you explain…I think I know, but I’m not sure…” Her hesitation brought Dean’s gaze up to hers, and he arched an eyebrow. “Um…what exactly does it mean if I say I want to ‘get on my knees for you’?”

Dean’s eyes were nearly obliterated by his black pupils spreading over his mossy green irises. His breathing was slightly shallow as he spoke.

“Where did you hear that?”

“Last night some of the women were talking about being ‘on their knees’. Some of them seemed to like it, some of them didn't, so I thought I’d ask what it means.”

Dean’s jaw ticked and his whole body was hard. She could feel the telltale evidence of his desire as it pressed through his pants and into her thigh.

“What do you think it means?” Dean asked, his voice rough.

Y/N felt herself blush. “Well, I’m not sure, but it seemed like a way to pleasure you.”

Dean nodded. “Yes, it’s,” he cleared his throat, “it’s referring to you being on your knees in front of me, so I can…” He seemed to struggle for a minute, swallowing several times. Finally he cupped her cheek, and ran his thumb heavily over her lips.

“I’d use your mouth instead of your body, for pleasure. I would…push in and out of your mouth instead of…” He cupped his hand between her legs. “Instead of here. 

He licked his lips. “We’ve already done something similar before, I mean you’ve put your lips around me, and that was…incredible.” He shook his head. “But this would be a little more intense.”

Y/N nodded. “And it gives you pleasure? Can it make a baby?”

Dean shook his head and then clarified. “I mean, yes it would give me immense pleasure, and no, you can’t make a baby that way.”

Y/N bit her lip. “Then I want to do it. Would you help me? Tell me what you want, what I should do?”

Dean closed his eyes. “Yes, I can tell you. But,” he opened his eyes again quickly and smoothed his hands over the curve of her hips. “Y/N you don’t have to do it. I don’t want you to think, just because you heard those other women talking, that it’s something that’s…expected of you.”

Y/N shook her head. “No, Dean I want to…” She kissed him softly and spoke against his lips. “Don't you enjoy giving me pleasure? With your mouth?”

Dean groaned roughly. “Yeah.” He croaked, his eyes closed.

“Then let me do the same.”

She pulled back from him a little and he opened his eyes again to stare deeply into her for a moment. Finally he backed away, nodding slowly. When he was a few feet away from her, he crooked his finger at her.

“Come here, and get down on your knees.”

Y/N felt a slight shiver race through her body as she stepped forward. She knelt slowly in front of him; the plush wool rug was soft under her knees.

Dean reached out to trail his fingertips down her jaw. Again he rubbed his thumb across her lips, softer this time. He dropped his hand and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth before continuing his instructions.

“Open your mouth.”

Y/N dropped her jaw into a small O, but Dean shook his head. “No, wider.”

She stretched her mouth open wide and Dean nodded. “Stick out your tongue.”

Y/N felt a little odd, but she did it, and the look in Dean’s eye was worth it. His body, towering above her, was hard and thick with rigid muscle and he looked primitive, like something wild and untamed. 

He stepped closer and reached out his arm. “I’m going to show you what to do using my fingers first.” 

He took two thick fingers and laid them against her tongue. She tasted the saltiness of his skin and began drooling. Dean pushed his fingers in and out a few times. Then he pressed them far back in her throat and she gagged a little. 

Dean pulled them out quickly. “Are you alright?” 

Y/N nodded and wiped away the drool on her chin. “I'm fine. Keep teaching.” She said with a mischievous smile. 

Dean's eyes glowed with approval as he continued.

“This time, I want you to lick my fingers, roll your tongue around the tips of them, and suck on them, lightly at first, then harder as you pull off.”

She nodded, understanding immediately, thinking of all the times Dean had done exactly that to her little bundle of nerves - sucking softly and then tighter and tighter until the pleasure spiked in her blood and she exploded into a million pieces.

God, I want to give that to him. She thought as she closed her lips around his fingers again.

She did as he directed and as she pulled off of his fingers with a pop, she could feel the way heat and wet pooled between her thighs. Pleasuring Dean was making her desperate for more of him.

Dean nodded at her, his eyes nearly black. “That's good. Very good.” He whispered.

He licked his lips, his eyes hooded as he looked down at her.

“Take off my belt.”

Y/N reached up and opened the buckle before sliding the long, supple piece of leather from around his waist. She touched the button on his pants and looked up at him, a question in her gaze.

“Yeah, take them off, underwear too.”

Y/N slid his clothes down over his hips and thick thighs, releasing his rock hard shaft to slap loudly against his lower stomach.

Her mouth began watering as she leaned forward to take him between her lips. She flicked her tongue over his tip, since she always loved it when Dean used his tongue like that on her. 

It seemed to work for him too, because he groaned and bit into his bottom lip. She stretched her lips around his girth and slid down his length reveling in the harsh groan that seemed torn from Dean's throat.

His shaft was much wider and thicker than his fingers had been and her lips fit very tightly around him. She moved slowly up and down on him as she got into the feel and rhythm of it. 

Dean tangled his fist in her hair as he coaxed her to take him a little deeper and then a little deeper still. 

His voice was a harsh rasp. “Drop your jaw, sweetheart, I think you can take a little more.”

He hit the back of her throat and made her gag again, but as he tried to pull back, she pushed further, taking the last inch of him down her throat. 

She pressed her nose against the springy hair at the base of his shaft for a moment before pulling off of him with a gasp. She coughed a couple of times, but then sank back down on him again. 

“Y/N,” Dean ground out through gritted teeth. “look at me. I want to see your beautiful face while you take every inch of me down your throat.”

She looked up at him and felt more pleasure sing through her veins at the look of absolute, aching need on his face. She bobbed up and down on him faster and faster. He was hitting the back of her throat over and over, but she didn't gag again. 

He rubbed his thumb across her cheekbone, and shook his head, his voice barely more than a growl. “You're so goddamn beautiful, sweetheart. So perfect.” 

He thrust into her mouth hard and fast three times. Then he pushed on her shoulders. 

“I'm almost there, Y/N.”

He pulled out of her mouth but she wanted to feel him explode against her the way she exploded against him. 

So she sank back onto him just as his hips jerked forward. Suddenly she felt warm liquid shoot out of his shaft, filling her mouth. She swallowed quickly, but a lot of it still spilled out of her mouth and down over her breasts. 

Watching Dean shuddering above her, his face fixed in an expression of pleasure so intense it almost looked like pain, she slipped her hand down to rub against that aching bundle of nerves, trying to relieve the intense throbbing that watching his pleasure had caused.

Finally Dean's breathing began to return to normal and he groaned again as he looked down at her, covered in his seed.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N. You're a vision like this. The most beautiful creature I've ever known.” 

He saw her hand between her legs and the way she bit her lip as she chased her climax and his expression softened. 

“It's alright, baby.” He said, pulling her hand away and helping her to her feet. “I'll take care of you.” 

He led her into the bathroom and began to run a bath. While the tub filled, he wet a cloth and wiped away the remnants of him from her skin. 

Then he turned her so she faced the tub and pressed his big hand against the middle of her back, bending her over to rest her hands on the side of the tub.

She felt his fingers slip between her folds to find her button and circle it lightly. But then he lowered himself down and sank his mouth into her her from behind. 

Within seconds she was screaming out another climax as Dean held her tight against his mouth. As it receded, she slumped over the side of the tub, her hands and hair dangling in the water.

Dean made quick work of shutting off the taps, tying her hair back out of her face and then helping her step into the tub on her wobbly legs.

He settled her back against his chest and washed her completely with slow, soft strokes. When he was finished, they soaked in the warm water for a little longer, until Y/N felt like she was boneless and floating. 

Dean finally stepped out as the water cooled, and then bent slightly so Y/N could reach up and wrap her arms around his neck, letting him lift her from the tub. As he carried her to the vanity seat to dry her, she shook her head.

“You know, you indulge me a little too much. I'm going to get far too used to being spoiled and pampered.”

Dean grinned at her and then caught her lips in a warm, slow kiss. “Good.” He said, dipping his head to place soft kisses below her jaw. “That's exactly what I want. You should expect indulgence and pampering.”

He finished drying her and braided her still damp hair; he didn't bother dressing either of them again and simply laid Y/N down naked against the cool sheets. He warmed her up as he climbed in beside her and pulled her close. 

They were quiet for a little while, and Y/N was close to drifting off when Dean pressed his lips to her temple and spoke softly. 

“Thank you for tonight, sweetheart. It was incredible; you are incredible.”

Y/N pulled back slightly, looking up at him, so he'd kiss her. He took the hint and his lips pressed against hers only briefly, just a fleeting brush of his lips, but as she looked up into his soft, mossy green eyes, Y/N knew beyond a doubt, something that she'd suspected for a long time.

This man is the love of my life.

The thought made her stomach clench and her heart hurt as Jessica's voice came back to her, the warning ringing in her ears. 

"I just want you to know the truth of the situation, so you don't go into this time with Dean holding on to some kind romantic notion. He is who he is and you can't change that.”

Y/N felt her aching heart sink a little further as she laid back down on Dean's chest, one question plaguing her.

What am I supposed to do now?

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters:

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[joshriku]

I guess CB fans already talk abt this a lot— or do they? tbh i dont rlly see much Cap comic talk from CB fans.. but tbh that's prob for the best b/c they are...... so bad, esp w/ this topic. they only had one decent story that had potential w/ WS in the aughts + the shieldra plot before going into their American BS —but nyways mayve its a good thing no one talks abt them bc Captain America comics were already not very good with the hydra-nazi thing but omg why am I finding out that the latest run dilutes/copsout the hydra origins even more....

It's rlly pmo b/c the hydra thing hasn't been treated well/properly ever but they retconned Hydra to be the original "big bad" and just a front for a group that precedes the nazis by decades 🙃🙃 and the amount of dogwhistles and poorly thought out historical references in the names/setup... ihate it!

Things like this r y this is the few times where i say the mcu version is better— up until like civil war or definitely afterwards —b/c at least they— until later on with Z3m0 —kept in mind that the villains are nazis 🙃 The amount of Cold War politics the Cap franchise— and tbh in the Black Widow side too once they started to retcon them together —throws in to make hydra some generic "anti USA" villain and sidestep the whole "hydra being nazis + part of the US government and keeping a major character as an enslaved WW2 POW as a major foundation of Cap mythos" thing. Now they obscure the origins of the hydra stuff even more and its so...... i guess theyre trying to make the whole Captain America schtick seem less bad if the nazi villains the story keeps downplaying/ignoring the impact of just keep getting made to be "less bad" over and over, but I hate it. And i hate even more how these types of stories littered all over the Cap mythos are seen as "not political" by a certain crowd, but theyre very political.it's just that the politics are so trash and distort serious historical references in service to American jingoist conception of history.

i have no idea how you ended up here. nonetheless iagree because captain america runs are just... so.. so... [vaguely gestures] and i hate the crowd surrounding it! i really like characters from the cap universe (sam/bucky/misty/nat) but it's literally impossible to read because it's so. so. so .. WEIRD! i think you're right bc back in the actual cap bucky run these topics were somewhat better handled? than the way they are now? and i don't want to blame everything on nick spencer's 2015 hydra cap thing but i will blame it all on it because oh my god the disservice that did to the way hydra is treated in these comics lmao. like you said they keep being like 'weeelll the nazis are *nooot so bad*'. like the red skull treatment they give the comics are so?? what?? hes a nazi?? why are you trying to get me to sympathize with the nazi?? I GET SUPER WEIRDED OUT WHENEVER I TRY TO READ AXIS FOR EVENT REASONS BC OF.. THE RED SKULL BEING WRITTEN SO SYMPATHETICALLY.. IM LIKE EWW I DONT LIKE THAT GET IT AWAY FROM MEEE. likewise i did try to read the other 2015 cap america run with sam but it also suffers of this same exact problem and it's SOOOOO HARD.

i read sentinel of liberty and symbol of truth recently and i swear to god i did not pay any attention other than the scenes were bucky was in AND EVEN THAT I HAVE SOME ISSUES WITH I THOUGHT SOME OF IT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD but. (SIGHS) . i also agree the mcu was.. fairly fine with this til fatws and everyone became a zemo loverweiogoudsigSDG IM GLAD I WASNT THE ONLY ONE WEIRDED OUT BY THAT?!?! dont even get me started on the subsection of mcu fans that make found family out of hydra members its very fucking weird. anyway. i think you might have gotten the wrong blog but nonetheless ive had these thoughts in my head for a few years now so thank u for this little bonding moment

[theghostus]

40th day of 2023; how ironic.

"The feeling that I want to unalive myself today. Now, do I qualify for your time Mr/Miss/Mdm Psychiatrist?"

Do you feel unaliving myself? That's the first question they ask. I actually hesitated for a split second, and due to the need for self-preservation and habit, I lied. So you don't need help fuck off. Don't waste my time. You don't need me. You need a friend, so fuck off.

Yup, that's what my therapist or one-time only said.

So life taught me I don't need anyone else help. Just do it myself. However, not everything can be solved with a friend. They have their own demons to fight. Also, I don't want to give my 2 only friends a panic attack by proclaiming that out of the blue.

Truth is, I felt that ever since I came into this world. Ever since I waited long enough to start to walk, I had to work harder than a normal person. Because sometimes I don't feel I'm normal. I mean, what is normal to me, might not be normal to you. Some people say I'm too straightforward. Some might say I'm too blunt. Either way, I can't please anyone just know how to read the room. Fuck I've been reading the damn room for so long; it's just damn tiring. Although, at times, it's necessary. I get it. Yet, I get the feeling sometimes. It went away for almost over 10 years; however, ever since 2019, it has started to creep up again.

2022 had been a crazy year of trying to find myself, ending my losing the battle against reality. A total of 4 jobs, except for 1 job, lasted me only a week. So technically, it's 5 jobs. That sucks, by the way. I felt I was going crazy. The first one was crazy, like people can't just leave me alone. Here I'm trying to learn, and these fuckers won't leave me alone. Like none of them gives me any fucking respect. In the next one, everyone puts the boss on a pedestal. I mean, if you did something significant, he knowledges but god forbid if anyone pointed out his shit. Yes, I also did my fair share of stupidity over the 6 months. I must give them credit for covering my ass for that. The last straw was when I had to be the messenger of bad news. I was trying to understand how they count their shit, but the big boss decided to change the MF calculation 2 months b4 oath-taking. ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? Then he told the snr mgr to tell us the NEW way and inform the candidates; one of them, I had painstakingly handheld to make sure she understood and to tell her the revised way of calculating. I was livid is an understatement. Nope. I'm not going to take that BS way of making your staff listen to you and your staff to get abused by the candidates. The big boss did not care for his staff's well-being. I can't understand why my snr mgr could withstand his abusive ways for over 10 years. For the 3rd one, I was alone in the 2nd mth of the job. It was painful. My accounts were so far behind when the accounts asked me for it I was confused as I wasn't taught that. TL was an amazing pinoy. couldn't ask for a better team leader; they don't deserve her. But I felt so alone, and the tasks were piling up, and I was trying so hard to catch up. There were so many acrobatic moves to understand. It wasn't bad environmentally, but I don't see myself forever there. My last job broke my record of 1 week can be summed up with 1 word. Bitch/s. I guess I don't have the stamina to stand for uncultured swine. Work, work, work.

Now we come to the latest episode, Will I unalive myself today? I went for a job preview yesterday at a parks board. Their office is smack in the middle of it. No kosher food within 20m of the building. there are only 2 timings of free buses. oh, and no air-con in the storage room where they kept the boxes and boxes of paper files. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Even a library full of old books has air-con. Fine. Today I went to another informal/chit-chat session with the snr officers transport office. I admit I like the sense of power having to issue summons. Exciting. However, I felt like I shot myself in the foot again, and the environment would be exactly like the hospital, but I hoped it would be something like the clinic.

Overall I may lose both of them. I don't mind losing the park one, but...I can't cope with the transport one. Hence the episode, will I unalive myself today?

All I want is to be happy.

[jadedstar2]

It’s funny, but it’s not. How accurate tv shows, movies, books get it. I wonder how many of them were written by other Survivors.

I’m watching “MAID” with my roommate. Been watching it. It’s so good. So terribly accurate, so terribly validating. So good. It walks people through what it’s like, how it starts, what it looks like from the outside, if you don’t know the signs to look for. Or are too self-involved to notice them.

One thing I’ve learned from my own life patterns is that of Boundaries, and what not having them, not UNDERSTANDING them, can do to a person. Not knowing how to detach with love, not knowing how to jump in and try to save someone from themselves, how to fix things for other people, I could go on and on. Not realizing that it was killing me, and for what? These people never wanted to “see the light” or “get better.” I was a free maid to clean up their messes, and they didn’t have to change bc I was bearing their consequences.

And God forbid when I would see what was going on, AGAIN, and try to THEN put up boundaries. Or like…escape.

My latest “efforts” led to a literal hostage situation, not unlike what you see in episode 8 of the series. Sprinkle in some actual physical violence though. Or having food withheld from me. I deserved it though, right? The punishment? For trying to save myself for a change? Deciding that I wasn’t going to be used and manipulated and taken advantage of? I was selfish. I deserved it.

The worst part is, he really believed what he was saying.

The night I was sexually assaulted by him, his reasons were good ones. I didn’t want him taking the internet away - the modem and router that was under my name, and mine alone. It didn’t matter that he had a history of destroying property. I was “taking his power away” by trying to protect my credit that I had just built back up from the previous tyrant I threw my life away to.

Silver lining? Having a history of being assaulted teaches you a few life or death street smarts. That’s how I got away.

Everyone always says, “it could have been so much worse though.”

Read that again. That’s like someone saying that to you after you just lost your entire home to a fire. Yes, you’re right, I could have also gone up in flames, but how is that comforting when everything else did? I should be NOT sad bc of that?

Mind you, not once have I heard that kind of BS “comfort” from another actual survivor. Bc they know. They know that it was just one night of hell. Children usually start with hissy fits BEFORE they smash their toys.

Usually. This person, however, skipped straight to rape. I thought I had time bc he hadn’t given me a black eye yet.

Why did I have to get a black eye first? I couldn’t tell you. Other than the fact that I was waiting on a disability claim, couldn’t work, had no money, and he knew all of that. Yet he still spread rumors to my family, months in advance, just in case i revealed any secrets about the actual hell he was putting me through back then.

And why didn’t I back then? That’s a tale for another time. Just know that that is apparently also a trend for us. Staying silent that is. Until we can’t, until we are about to die or worse.